#he and his group are their own path
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phantomoftheorpheum · 4 months ago
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Zaun vs Piltover and Jinx vs Vi is a false dichotomy. Ekko and The Firelights are proof of this. They are the hope for a new way and a better future. And I am so ready for season 2 and how this all plays out.
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existentialcrisis-24-7 · 1 month ago
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Godddddd it’s such a pain to be hyperfixating on your own ocs. It’s a fucking nightmare. I just want these guys to do their thing and tell people their stories but nOOooOoOooo I have to write it first! But that’s not the medium I want to tell it through so I have to learn how to make comics! Or animate! Liek anfucking idirot
#rant in tags#UGH#I love them. my ocs.#hyperfixation#has anyone here seen the movie Crash? where it’s a bunch of people with wildly different lives and stories somehow being all connected in#the end through their actions and inactions and just pure coincidence#that’s the kind of story I’d LOVE to make. they’re all different characters all going through their stories in the only ways they know how#but every now and again worlds collide. and the result is chaos. but eventually everyone gets back onto their own path#until they meet up with ANOTHER group of characters stuck in a story#an award-winning broom racer gets in a bad accident and her career is over. she has to move in with her sister who’s moved into a rural town#full or werewolves.#there’s a former witch granted unimaginable magical power by a fairy who uses that magic to protect and comfort the people he meets on his#travels. he even takes a few of them in when they need a home and a family.#there’s a middle-aged journalist going through the world’s messiest divorce and trying to prove herself at a job where no one will pay her#any mind. who finally gets her big break when she can sneaks into a powerful crime lords’s party and talks to the boss. they have a f#Cinderella evening until she has to leave and with the information she’s gathered she finally makes a name for herself and everything starts#going her way until the crime Lord tracks where down#there’s a sorcerer trying to recover from her past and moving forward after terrible circumstances whos just trying to find her family from#the orphanage she grew up in.#there’s a teenage mermaid who moved on land for college and realises that she’s Super out of her depth#UGHHHHHHHH#AND THIS IS ALL ONE WORLD#THIS ISNT EVEN TO START IN THE WHAT?? THREE OTHERS??
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cosmik-homo · 4 months ago
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Honestly i really do know im being annoying with this but the logistics of swapping out Avon and Raistlin and watching what theh do is the greatest form of Playing With Dolls I've ever ever had. Its a serotonin treadmill. You've heard of watching a brilliant, dark tortured genius asshole slowly create his own downfall what about landing in the middle of such a slipperyslope and starting to turn it into an entirely different one. AND THERE'S PVP ALLOWED, one of my main options rn is Avon-as-Raistlin starts planning how to re-open the connection and either undo this or pass some more things between the worlds- and Raistlin-as-Avon is like FINDERS KEEPERS BITCH. Paying It (The Lichdom Curse) Forewards, im staying in your life and im winning at it, fuck off. And Avon's like, ex-fucking-scuse me?
#what if. in this route avon is repoening the connection through magic raist-as-avon is gonna start regaining the capscity for magic too.#and it can be a Metaphysical Wizard Duel AND like an emotional climax whhen their parties catch up#and like. avon coming back for his friends carried on a storm. the fact that despite dverything he would fight for it-#even if hes doing it for an Incredibly Specific Way he wants to benefit power from merging both worlds that STILL a level of#coming back for his friends and lives and such yknow. its gonna affect them.#and raistlin possibly seeing caramon again-#i dont think avon would be as desperate to strike out on his own thats a raist psychological thing-#and maybe trying to appeal through the barrier like. hey! if you want what's good for me. GET HIS ASS. I want to stay here!#and that classic kind of tension between them. caramon wanrs his brother back and raistlin thinking of it as caramon wanting him Weak#and Dependant on his protection. the whole aspect of like body and strength swap is very. interesting and a bit#yuck politically but thats part of the fun. this isnt a cure narrative this is game of thrines musical chairs over resources-#the bodies the magic the many differences in Circumstances that seperate the two wars-#not just genre but straight up strategical details. the privileges of space age comforts vs having an almost even chance at victory. etc et#YOU SEE ME. IM HAVING FUNNNNN#THIS IS SO FUN. IT SHOULD BE A NOVELLA LENGTH ZINE FROM THE 90S UNFORTUNATELY ITS JUST ME IN MY HEAD. BUT#cally can probably sense something is wrong from the start. mentally....#the grudging respect raist would have for blake vs unlike avon he is entirely capable of backstabbing the hell out of them all.#avon would find the Expanded DL Party loud and weirdly social and annoying and pass off as raist through that easily#but also just. as i said i think he's way less likely to actually Act to further only himself like raist would#especially as Not Native to this setting like. no use aloanating possible resources. hes just gonna steer them All As A Group towards#paths of survival and advantage in the war that are Also to his personal magic based benefits i think#im having FUN#yknow what i might make this my Pinned. im Going Through A Moment.#dragons of the sad embezzler
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gu6chan · 4 months ago
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also innocents posting again before i finally get to bed but am i late to the party or something because it's so obvious now that i think about it but i literally JUST realised guillaume looks like a mini hugo what with the hair and such and does anyone wanna talk about the symbolism in that maybe
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scribe-cas · 5 months ago
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i need to explode. Vent post
RAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH. FUCK. I MISS HIM SO MUCH.
I know and I fucking knew I wasn't going to find him, but my fucking God
How the fuck am I supposed to live like this
"Oh so I have a book character based off of an actual entity who haunted my brain for a little while in the form of alter possession because I had splits at one point and at any mention of him I go literally fucking shitballs insane and will do anything to see him again" like what the fuck is wrong with me /lh
I know I sound insane but that's. Insaner than shit.
Like wow I feel actually awful and freakish some days. I sometimes wonder if this is actually here or if it's just all in my head and some huge fucking coincidence. It seems like every time I get closer to figuring something out about him or anyone and anything associated with him, it's like I take 4 steps back.
And it's. Heartbreaking. I don't know how else certain things could even have possibly happened without his existence, but also am I somehow just making up all of this shit. Am I going to spend the rest of my life chasing after every redheaded transgender man I see only for my brain and my heart to be left. Empty. Because it's not him.
nobody's ever going to be him, and I doubt anyone would ever want to.
There's just a level of feeling abandoned that's never going to heal.
The only thing that helps is writing my books.
Seeing people connect to them. Seeing people connect to, and emulate, him.
That makes me feel less crazy. It makes me feel like maybe if it is all in my head and if nothing is actually real at least it was kind of worth it.
To quote bojack horseman, which i probably should not have watched:
"That means that all the damage I got isn't 'good damage'. It's just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it and all those years I was miserable was for nothing."
This is what's. Just circling my brain. If he's not real then yeah I kept myself alive but why did I love. What was the point of it all. There are other people who love me and it's wonderful but sometimes I miss his smile and as fucked as it is I wish that I'd run into someone who's even slightly like him.
Just so that i can stare at them and. Like. Remember.
Redheaded long haired trans men it's your time to shine im summoning you from across tumblr, come tell me you love me
Bonus points if you're folklore obsessed, dress like a flamboyant dance student, like heels and bartend /j obviously
But like. I can't explain it. It's devastating i miss my brother man 👍
Thanks tumblr for listening to my tedtalk
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sakuraswordly · 2 years ago
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Ashes of Dreams (lyrics):
Hidden so deep in veils of deceit, Imprisoned in twisting spells - Are we the plaything of fiends, or merely the dreams That we're telling ourselves, telling ourselves?
Stories of danger, fearless attack, Spectres of plague and pain. All of these ghosts of our own delusions are back; Have we been fighting in vain? Fighting in vain?
These lyrics are the meaning of this picture art that I paint. Fighting in vain? <== This is the hint of how the story will go so far. This is the story of Punch. Punch appearance as half to show why she changes her appearance. It shows that Sonic and Gilgamesh are part of her personality. (But Punch's personality is based on me more. I will explain later at the end of the blog)
Sonic, Punch and Gilgamesh are the same. Because they are Punch.
(Warning contains Fate extra ccc and Sonic games spoilers)
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Enkidu: And yet you lived for many years, you were reborn as a tyrant
Gilgamesh’s violence only increased after he became a young man. Not only the people of Uruk, but even the gods who had made use of him had had enough of Gilgamesh’s despotism.
“Gilgamesh isn’t fulfilling his true purpose.” “We need something to punish that insolent man — ”
As for Sonic....
greenyvertekins: His greediness.
Yeah, I know. Very rarely shown trait that actually only shown a tiny handful of times such as in this in which he's very willing to fight hard for that last meat bun;
and in the Black Knight opening in which he's more concerned about catching his food and eating it than really taking the situation all that seriously (Not that he really needed to…) then saying a big "Noooo!" when he drops the second one and doesn't have a chance at getting it before Merlina teleports them away.
I doubt that bringing up how ravenous Sonic apparently is in Purple Frenzy form would mean that much-considering gameplay and story segregation and the debate about how intact Sonic's mind actually is in that form considering he acts little more than a mindless monster that eats objects with a single-minded ferocity.
greenyvertekins: Extreme obstinance to his own personal view
He certainly wastes no time when it came to attacking Merlina when she revealed her plans and her one-sided sadness. In fact, he looks like he's ready to cleave her in two just for asking why he doesn't understand her feelings on Camelot's future;
This feels like an extreme course of action to take considering that if anything, Merlina was more misguided than truly malevolent and didn't do anything truly objectionable before this. He's also not all that willing to admit when something is difficult for him as indicated by Team Sonic's ending in Heroes in which Knuckles goads him into admitting that this time Eggman came close and that if it wasn't for him and Tails assisting him, he "Wouldn't have stood a chance". Whilst Sonic admits this to a degree ("Hmmm, well Maybe you're right Knuckles"), it's still only a "maybe" and he's still quite obstinate.
greenyvertekins: Bad loser
He hates being deprived of the win or getting things wrong. Good examples of this include Jet besting him in the Ex Grand World Prix despite the cheating and blaming his initially poor swordsmanship on Caliburn i.e If you keep getting hit by Arthur in the Misty Lake boss battle, Sonic will state in bad temper who he wishes he didn't have to use "This dang sword" and when Caliburn states that he wished for more time to train him, Sonic states that he wishes for a better sword.
Back to King Gilgamesh
Gilgamesh born with a body that was of the highest grade by mortal standards and knowledge reaching truth, Gilgamesh was born, designed, as king and the Wedge of Heaven to connect the rising humans and the fading gods. He was sent to ensure the humans and bind the earth slowly leaving the Age of Gods. He was a being embodying the two life sets of life forms, with the blood of those who had ruled and the blood of those who would rule from thereon. He was to be the ultimate neutral party.
Enkidu: …But. I knew the reason for his transformation, I knew so well it hurt. When he was born, this conclusion was already made. He was alone, a creature neither god nor human. With the characteristics of both sides, his viewpoint ranged so wide and so far not even the gods could understand the things he saw. An excess of power lead to an excess of loneliness. Even so, he did not give up his place as king. He did not flee the purpose he had given himself.  …what a powerful ego, I thought. He earnestly respected the gods, and loved humans. It was just that, in conclusion, he had chosen the path of abandoning the gods and hating humans.
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Free-spirited, adventurous and fun-loving #ソニック 🔵💨
He cares about his friends and hates bending. He doesn't seem to want to be a "hero"😮
Still, Sonic, who helps everyone with his heart, might be the coolest hero
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In Tsubasa of Phantasia, Enkidu gave his life for Gilgamesh. Enkidu's decision to die for Gilgamesh is the same reason why Syaoran chose to save Sonic's life no matter what.
Enkidu: “That’s right. I was a weapon. A tool. Not like him. Though Gilgamesh was made as a child of the gods, he was a hero who defied them. He had a soul from the beginning. He had free will ever since he was born. A true life, unlike mine. A star, with real value, not a consumable like me. …I had always yearned for that. I hated it. Why, when we were made by the same gods, were we such different beings.”
Sonic is a hero, but not the usual hero that we tend to think of. He seeks for action and adventure, but he is willing to help out anyone in need, and does things he thinks is right. So, to me, he's a hero, despite him not seeing himself as that.
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This picture is what Gilgamesh means "my childhood". He refers to Sonic. In the past, both Punch and Gilgamesh were much like Sonic back then. Sonic, Punch, and Gilgamesh were all good at speaking body language as children. Sonic, Punch, and Gilgamesh love nature and were very positive about the world where they lived.
molinaskies: As confident and collected of a character as Sonic is, he has always been a character who feels so, so, so immensely. What recent English game scripts butcher and what a lot of people seem to miss outright is that Sonic is highly emotional but doesn’t have the emotional maturity to comfortably process or showcase his more negative (anger, sadness, fear) and complex (romantic love, admiration) emotions. He knows they’re there, but usually refuses to address them. We see signs of these feelings in games and external media, but – again, by design – Sonic suppresses those feelings to focus on what he loves - his speed, his freedom, world peace, and his friends. Sonic is a fifteen-year-old with the responsibility of the world’s peace and his found family’s happiness on his shoulders. He bears that burden alone and it clearly affects him, but he’s not at a point in his life where he’s ready to confront his heart. He just knows that it’s big, that it’s in the right place, and that it’ll be there for him when he’s ready. Whether that’s Sonic’s healthiest option can be debated, and I’d argue that he should let the people he wants to be closer to him in (Amy is a strong example, but that’s another essay that’s been done to death – perhaps another time), but the fact that he’s an emotional and reserved character is not.
kagekitsuneoflight: Actually there is a very good reason why Gilgamesh hates Shirou. And it’s not a “I’m an arrogant bastard. I don’t need a reason to hate this boy trying to claw his way to my level.” Gilgamesh sees Shirou for what he is. He’s taken bits and pieces of others and stuffed it within himself with hardly an effort to make it his own. And to Gilgamesh, this it’s infuriating. He loves when humans are themselves and honest and to see this boy with a stolen dream wielding stolen legends, stolen pride (because keep in mind. A Noble Phantasm is a symbol of a hero’s pride), he cannot help but be infuriated. Who was this boy, this faker, who dares claim to be a Hero of Justice when it is not even his own dream?!
As the King of Heroes, the First Hero, he absolutely cannot let this stand! He, Gilgamesh, is allowed to use those symbols of pride as projectiles. He is the King of those owners of pride. It is within his rights. Yet.
He never truly uses another’s Noble Phantasm, does he? He doesn’t grasp their pride and use it as his own.
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fukurou-hoseki: Sonic's more dominant personality type is his observation. He's a curious little cat who will observe the area around him and listen to the people in question. He never cuts anyone off, even if they are a foe.
Sonic, Punch and Gilgamesh are observation personality types.
Enkidu: Thus, I was gazing on the fortress city. The voice calling to me came from within it. Suppressing my impatience, I counted the days until he would be grown. In childhood, he had an air of royalty about him surpassing any other on earth. Open-mindedness, prudence, justice, he valued all of these virtues. The average person walking by was charmed by him and would sing his praises. He appeared the ideal boy-king. I could only think that the gods had made some mistake, saying he had grown proud. The young Gilgamesh had no faults in need of punishment. …if there was some problem with him, it was only that while he did honor the gods, he didn’t submit to them.
Because pure heart as a child is the reason why Shadow never forget Sonic. Sonic's heart is just a baby. (I hate to call that) but have a lot of responsibility when it's time. That's why Shadow care for Sonic.
Shadow: “Sonic reached out to save me before I fell to Earth from the Ark. If I hadn’t waved him away, Sonic would have fallen with me, but his determination in trying…I’ll never forget that.
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This picture is what Gilgamesh means "my younger self". He refers to Sonic. Fundamentally, a polite and modest boy. His type of woman goes along the lines of a "flower that blooms in the wild"(He refers to Punch).
Enkidu observed the young Gilgamesh, but could not understand the need to punish such an amiable, ideal king who was praised and lauded by his infatuated subjects. Sonic is the same as Gilgamesh back then. That's why deep down Gilgamesh very care for Sonic a lot. But because of him now, he will hurt Sonic if Sonic knew the truth about what happened to Gilgamesh. And all because of him. That's why he always stays away from Sonic and lets Punch face off.
Gilgamesh: But I don't want to lose who I am....if I lose, then who will remember you, my friend.
Sonic: No matter where I am. I'm never going to change
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Some things are beautiful because they cannot be obtained
fukurou-hoseki: Sonic stood up to accept his fate. He was going to allow Erazor to kill him there and then. Shahra jumped in front of him as she promised, as his master, she was bound to protect him from harm.
The same way to Punch and Gilgamesh. They already live life to the fullest. That's why they gave their lives to do anything and accept their fate no matter what this event will happen. But the problem is......
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Punch: Sonic doesn't know what's hurt, what's love, what's sad and what's revenge is. He did feel revenge and anger but not the same as humans that's why he never ended up like Shadow. But he had a strong heart. Me and Mr Gilgamesh too. We understand this sentiment, but we never understood it. Sonic is not the type to love hugging. That's means that only those who really important to him allow to hug and touch him.
Sonic didn't understand what death mean even though he knew what's mean. In Sonic Prime shows how much he is hurt when his friends are gone(This is what death meaning is). Sonic just realizes how hurt he is when he lost his friends.
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Enkidu: It was to protect Uruk though? If we don’t defeat all evil on the Earth, our people will starve to death. So why, I asked again. He made the people of Uruk suffer by his tyranny, so why was he worried for them now?
Gilgamesh: It’s not so strange. I was born to be a protector of humanity, after all. Building the future of this planet is the king’s duty.”
Enkidu: I see. So you preferred the path you saw here.
In Sonic and the black knight, Sonic already chose this path even though he would end up as a villain. Sonic didn't mind at all. The same way why both Punch and Gilgamesh decision and never look back on what they chose.
Gilgamesh: Do not take me so lowly. How can I be a hero if I cannot swallow a curse such as this? All evils of the world? Heh, bring at least three times as much as that if you want to stain me. See, Saber. A hero is someone who carries with them everything they see. I am already carrying everything in this world.
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Because he doesn't understand the hurt and doesn't understand that his body was weak and needs to rest. Sonic keep pushing forward until his body was limited. Like Gilgamesh in Fate grand order, he dead from overwork and then takes a shot from Tiamat originally meant for Ritsuka. Despite his condition, he continues firing the Dingir. A clump of Lahmu then crashes onto the ziggurat with force equal to Gugalanna’s hoof, knocking out Ritsuka and Mash.
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Bonus: This picture is what Gilgamesh refers to Syaoran, Peter, and Danny in Tsofph's story. Gilgamesh knew that these three will do anything to protect Sonic, Punch, and Gilgamesh in the future. Gilgamesh chose to walk alone and only because his A+ charisma will hurt them.
Because this is why Gilgamesh both loves and hates himself.
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That’s mean...If you mistake Sonic's personality, that means you never understand both Punch's and Gilgamesh's personalities. Because these three characters were hard to write.(It's already difficult to understand yourself. Right?) That's why I need to gather many characters to make events and understand them much better. True that Sonic and Gilgamesh are both based on their original creator. But as I told you. They are the same Punch.
Sonic is based on my childhood personality 50%.(Sonic is mostly based on me the most of all three. But still Sonic is different than me because I love water and the ocean more than Sonic.)
Punch is based on my negative personality in the past 100%. (My first hated and my first feeling of revenge you could say. In the present, I don't feel any negative now. I'm happy and accept my life. They are all in that past.)
Gilgamesh is based on my leadership personality 50%. (This is the real reason why I chose to study petroleum at university. This subject is the hardest I have ever challenged in my life. If I understand this, I can show how clever Gilgamesh was and what he knew in the past.)
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This video AMV I made 7 years ago. This one just cut part of the video.(Yep…I still can't believe that I put my heart into this story too much when I was back then.)
This BLAZE is the first opening of Tsubasa Chronicle (anime).
Music by: Nieve Arrangements by: HAL Lyrics and performance by: Kinya Kotani
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c0rpsedemon · 2 years ago
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something abt realizing you're listening to someone sing for the last time really hits in an awful way
#so there's this girl who's a year above me and to say that she's good at singing is an understatement. if the goddess of song#herself were to appear in front of me or anyone who's ever heard a note come from her mouth and asked which one was more talented the only#appropriate answer would be that the goddess pales in comparison. i first heard her voice at the auditions for our middle school musical in#the sixth grade and i've been in shock and awe ever since. it's in the name of her voice that i decided i wanted to learn how to write musi#bc i cannot sing but wanted nothing more than some sort of reason to stand next to her. and by some twist of fate. i took music theory last#semester and guess who ended up sitting directly next to me. and who i also said no more than maybe 5-10 words to the entire time. . whoops#in my (and her) defense. it's not like she's unapproachable or anything. she's one of the genuinely kindest people i've ever encountered bu#the problem is. it's a music theory class. i was the only one in it not affiliated w the music department. and everyone in it had known eac#other for 4-7 years. even my like. actual friend in the class was ignoring me a lil (he wasn't he was just hanging out w his closer friends#and so i kept to myself the entire semester bc i didn't want to feel like i was intruding on anything + am terminally shy#(like. to the point where i get physically ill bc of it)#flash forward to today in ap world w our song parody project. our teacher was showing past examples from previous classes and guess who too#the class last year. and ofc. you Do Not get [name redacted] working on a project w/out having her sing for you#her group made a stalin-themed mr sandman parody and our teacher paused the video halfway through and it was my own personal 9/11#bc there's no good reason for our paths to ever cross again. unless she becomes some celebrity. which i have no doubt she could if merit wa#the only factor at play there. i will never hear her voice again and i'm not sure what i'm going to do abt that.#romeo.txt
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cosmic-tuna · 1 year ago
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our gunslinger dwarf, Kledd, has horrible perception. His modifier is fine, he just rolls shit every time. At this point we have taken him being generally oblivious as a character trait. But when he DOES notice something, usually an enemy, his attacks almost never miss.
I think one of my favorite DnD Things is when random rolls become retroactive Lore/Quirks for the character. Not even as a DM ruling, I mean something the whole table adopts organically, whether seriously or as a running joke.
A paladin I DMd for failing every single perception roll turned into him canonically needing glasses and not realizing it.
A combination of failed perception checks and concentration saves becoming a character having ADHD and that getting worked into the acting.
My gnome barbarian with low intimidation rolls despite doing/saying some actually terrifying things suddenly having a voice that cracks like the "WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS!! HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!" kid when he shouts.
Or my favorite, my tabaxi artificer, Gus, comedically failing every religion check when it comes to praying so now it's a whole plot point that gods literally do not perceive him.
(Yes this is an invitation to reply or tell me in the tags if you've had any canon-altering rolls like this I love PC stories)
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medicinemane · 4 months ago
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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inkskinned · 8 months ago
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it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.
bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.
the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.
what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.
i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.
i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.
and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.
i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?
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lorspolairepeluche · 1 year ago
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Each of the usual suspects has their places they go to disappear for a while. Zieh'to hides out in the Manufactory (where Stephanivien has given instructions that anyone come looking for a Warrior of Light who doesn't want to be found should get only a shrug and a vague answer and should certainly not be directed toward the sooty greasy Miqo'te poring over blueprints); Doenlona just takes her airship, turns off the locator, and fucks off into the sky for a bit (Cid has to invent a whole new type of locator, but she doesn't usually disappear when she's really needed); no one can find Ves in the Shroud or Dravania or the Sylphlands if Ves doesn't want to be found. Thybé has his mother's house, of course, but if he needs to truly be alone, he'll go into the wilds -- Yanxia or Thanalan, possibly Mor Dhona.
The others know when one of them doesn't want to be found, and they won't pry. The bond will let them know if one of them is in distress, so they're content to live and let live unless they've been really worried about someone's emotional state.
Oday, for their part, sometimes goes to the Forgotten Springs or the Brotherhood of Ash -- places where they can simply be a fellow warrior and put aside the khagan and the Warrior of Light and everything else for a while. But most often, they go up to Zenith. They can feel Hraesvelgr near there, and the resonance between them comforts them. They don't call him -- knowing his steady, solid presence is enough. They camp there for a few nights, drill the basics of their myriad weapons -- no magic, no aetheric maneuvers, just the movements. Axe, sword, lance, bow, gunblade, perhaps even a katana if they ever find the time with Hien to learn. They help the moogles care for the place too, chop their own firewood, hunt their own game. They always bring tribute for Hraesvelgr and leave it at the summit.
And, after seeing them there several times, Hraesvelgr's reawakened curiosity gets the better of him, and he flies down to the lower level on which Oday is camped. "Mortal."
Oday puts up their lance and bows -- a gesture they reserve for only those they hold in the highest respect. "Great one."
“Why dost thou come to this place? I have seen thee spend a turn or two of the sun here, many a time.”
“I find the solitude calms me when I need it most. The chill in the mist washes away my confusion and doubt.”
“Solitude, thou sayest, yet I see thee converse with the moogles when they arrive to care for the place. And I have seen thee help them care for the tower, as well.”
Oday laughs. “Moogles, great one, are vastly different from the people I escape by visiting Zenith.”
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roturo · 6 months ago
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SUCCESSOR -`♡´-
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summary: He believes he’s going to die soon, and the idea of leaving the Kira case unfinished gnaws at him. The thought of his legacy fading away too soon is unbearable. He needs a successor. And soon.
warnings: A LOT of breeding, smut, unprocteted sex, overstimulation, multiple rounds, pwp, tummy buldge, mentions of cum, mating press, virgin!L, obssesed!L, mentions of forming a family, not proof read and sleepy while writing this. and more.
a/n: ik this is going to have as much support as my other works, but it's def one of my best and favs writings, so please show me your support with a comment and reblog! it means a lot for me!
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You've been part of the task force for a while now, ever since L handpicked you for his elite team. As a regular member, you've earned your place and trust within the group. The necessity of keeping your identity hidden has diminished, thanks to the expanding team, but you still opt for an alias during meetings, maintaining a veil of secrecy around your true connection to L.
L’s mind is a labyrinth, each thought of a winding path leading to an unknown destination. His strategies are always a step ahead, his deductions razor-sharp. Yet, despite his brilliance, one specific thought has been haunting him lately:
He believes he’s going to die soon.
This isn't a paranoid delusion but a calculated assessment. L understands the immense dangers tied to the Kira case. The complexity of the situation has grown, and he suspects an external force at play, one that eludes even his grasp. This unknown entity has shifted the balance, making the case more perilous than ever.
L is determined not to let his legacy end prematurely. He has dedicated his life to solving the world’s most challenging mysteries, and the idea of leaving the Kira case unfinished gnaws at him. The thought of his legacy fading away too soon is unbearable.
He needs a successor.
And soon.
Finding someone who can match his intellect and tenacity is no simple task. The successor must be able to understand his intricate methods, to carry on his relentless pursuit of justice. The urgency of this mission weighs heavily on him, as he prepares to identify and groom the next guardian of his legacy.
You were the perfect match for him, and his calculations confirmed it. There was an 86% probability that having a child with you would result in someone with a higher IQ than his own, combined with the social skills he lacked. In the realm of interpersonal relationships, L was inexperienced, never having had a relationship or intimacy before. Recently, he had been contemplating how to propose this idea to you.
Should he ask you outright? Should he try to make you fall in love with him first? No, this wasn't about love. It was a precaution, a step in his investigation, a way to ensure his legacy continued if the worst were to happen.
The atmosphere in the headquarters was tense as always, the dim lighting casting long shadows across the room. You sat at your desk, engrossed in your work, when L’s quiet footsteps approached. His presence was magnetic, his aura of mystery and intellect always palpable. He paused beside you, his gaze fixed on the monitors displaying the latest updates on the Kira case.
“Can we talk?” His voice was soft, almost hesitant, a rare departure from his usual confident demeanor.
You looked up, surprised by the uncharacteristic uncertainty in his tone. “Of course, L. What’s on your mind?”
He shifted, glancing around the room as if searching for the right words. “There’s something I need to discuss with you. It’s… personal.”
Your curiosity piqued, you nodded, giving him your full attention. “I’m listening.”
He took a deep breath, his eyes meeting yours. “You’re aware of the importance of my work, of the dangers we face daily. The Kira case has made me realize that I must consider contingencies I hadn’t thought of before.”
You nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“There’s a… statistical analysis I’ve conducted,” he said, his voice becoming more clinical as he explained. “It suggests that if I were to have a child with someone of your intelligence and social capabilities, the child would have a higher IQ than mine and possess the social skills I lack. This could be crucial in continuing my work if anything were to happen to me.”
The gravity of his words hit you like a ton of bricks. L, always methodical and rational, had approached this highly personal matter with the same analytical mindset he used to solve cases. You could see the logic in his plan, yet the implications were overwhelming.
“So, you want me to… have a child with you?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.
“Yes,” he replied, his eyes unwavering. “But understand, this is not about emotions or personal desire...I think” He whispers to himself before he continues– “It’s a precaution, a part of my contingency planning. I’ve never experienced a relationship or intimacy, so I’m uncertain how to approach this.”
The room seemed to close in around you as you processed his request. It was a cold, calculated proposition, yet it carried a weight of vulnerability and trust. L was placing his future, his legacy, in your hands.
“How do you expect this to work, L?” you asked, your voice tinged with both curiosity and trepidation.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted, his facade of invincibility cracking slightly. “I’ve considered different approaches. Should I simply ask you directly? Should I try to make you fall in love with me first? But this isn’t about love. It’s about ensuring that if I am no longer here, someone capable can continue my work.”
A silence fell between you, heavy with unspoken thoughts and emotions. L’s eyes searched yours, looking for understanding, perhaps even acceptance. You could see the conflict within him, the struggle between his logical mind and the unfamiliar territory of human connection.
“I need time to think about this,” you finally said, your voice gentle but firm.
L nodded, a flicker of relief crossing his features. “Of course. Take all the time you need. This is not a decision to be made lightly.”
Finally, you made your decision.
One evening, you found L in his usual spot, hunched over his laptop, eyes glued to the screen. The dim light cast shadows across his face, highlighting the intensity of his focus. Taking a deep breath, you approached him, your heart pounding in your chest.
“L,” you said softly, breaking the silence. He looked up, his piercing gaze meeting yours.
“I’ve thought about what you asked,” you continued, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside. “And I agree.”
For a moment, L simply stared at you, processing your words. Then, slowly, he nodded, his fingers tapping lightly on the edge of his desk. “Understood. Thank you for your cooperation.”
You took a seat across from him, the air between you charged with a new sense of purpose. “How do we proceed?”
L leaned back, his thumb brushing his bottom lip in thought. “We need to ensure this doesn’t disrupt our work or compromise the investigation. The task force must not be aware of our personal connection, as it could create complications.”
You nodded, understanding the delicate balance that needed to be maintained. L’s expression remained impassive, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes. “I must admit that emotional connections are not my area of expertise. This will be… a learning experience.  Should… we do it tonight?”
“Ah- Ah- Slow down, L-Lawliet!” you gasped, your voice breaking with a mix of pleasure and urgency.
L’s thrusts were sloppy but fast, driven more by instinct than experience. His movements lacked rhythm, a clear sign of his inexperience. He had come twice already without withdrawing from you, his body responding purely on primal urges.
He had done his research, concluding that a mating press might be the most effective position for this purpose. But he never anticipated how overwhelmingly good it would feel. Was it like this with everyone? Or was it something unique because it was you?
His thrusts grew more erratic, almost desperate. Small whines escaped his mouth, each one tinged with your name like a prayer. You could feel every twitch, every movement inside you, the raw intensity of his desire almost too much to bear.
“L,” you whispered, trying to regain some control. “You need to… slow down.”
He nodded, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. “I’m trying,” he panted, his voice unsteady. “It’s just… so overwhelming.”
His usually sharp, calculating mind seemed lost in the haze of sensation. Every thrust, every brush of skin against skin, was a new experience for him. You could see the conflict in his eyes, the struggle between maintaining control and giving in to the raw pleasure.
He moaned at the familiar, overwhelming sensation of climaxing again, and you could feel your own release approaching. The intensity was almost unbearable when he grabbed a pillow and slipped it under your back, angling you into an even deeper mating press. His thrusts became more deliberate, his cock somehow reaching deeper, hitting your g-spot with precision over and over again.
The pleasure was so intense, so all-consuming, that all you could do was chant his name like a mantra, each syllable a prayer of ecstasy. “L-Lawliet,” you breathed, your voice trembling with the force of your impending climax.
He watched you with dark, hungry eyes, his own pleasure driving him to thrust harder, faster. “S-shit,” he gasped, his breath hitching, “I think—” His words dissolved into a whine as he came again inside you, his release flooding your womb with a desperate, addictive need.
This wasn’t just about producing a successor anymore. It was about the raw, primal satisfaction of filling you over and over again. He was captivated by the sight of your bodies joined, the way your mixed arousal leaked from where you were connected, glistening in the dim light.
“Lawliet,” you cried out, your own climax hitting you with the force of a tidal wave. Your body tightened around him, milking every last drop of his release as he continued to thrust, his movements erratic and needy.
He whimpered, the sound vibrating through his chest as he pressed his forehead against yours, his dark hair falling in a messy curtain around your face. “You feel… incredible,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion and exertion.
He groaned before pressing his lips to yours, the kiss deep and fervent. His cock remained erect inside you, pulsing with an insatiable desire. The feeling of having you this close, of being connected so intimately, was overwhelming. In that moment, he lost all sense of reason and the initial purpose behind his actions.
His mind, usually so sharp and focused on the Kira case, was now clouded with visions of a future he never thought he'd consider. He imagined how adorable you would look, carrying his child, a baby with his eyes and your smile. The idea of having a family with you consumed him, pushing all thoughts of logic and strategy aside.
Without realizing it, he began thrusting again, the movement instinctual and desperate. Each thrust was deliberate, fulfilling the small bump of cum inside you that was already visible through your tummy. He watched in awe, fascinated by the sight of your bodies joined so intimately, the tangible evidence of his desire and your shared pleasure.
“L-Lawliet,” you gasped against his lips, your hands clutching his shoulders as he moved within you. “What... what are you thinking?”
He pulled back slightly, his eyes locking onto yours. “I’m thinking… I’m thinking about us. About a future I never allowed myself to dream of.” His voice was rough with emotion, a raw edge that you rarely heard.
Your heart swelled at his words, the vulnerability in his usually composed demeanor striking a chord deep within you. “Lawliet,” you whispered, your fingers tracing the contours of his face. “I never imagined… I never thought you’d want this.Want me”
“I didn’t either,” he admitted, his thrusts growing more purposeful. “But now, with you, that's all I can think about. The idea of you carrying my child, of us having a family…you in general… it’s overwhelming.”
He kissed you again, more gently this time, savoring the softness of your lips against his. Each thrust sent waves of pleasure through you, the sensation heightened by the emotional intensity of the moment. His hands roamed your body, memorizing every curve, every detail.
“Do you… do you want this too?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly.
“Yes,” you breathed, the admission freeing a weight you hadn’t realized you were carrying. “I want this. I want us.”
His eyes darkened with a mix of relief and desire, and he kissed you harder, his movements inside you becoming more urgent. The room filled with the sounds of your shared pleasure, each moan and gasp a testament to the bond growing between you.
As he continued to thrust, you could feel the tension coiling tighter within you, each movement pushing you closer to the edge. He seemed to sense it too, his rhythm intensifying as he chased his own release.
“Lawliet,” you cried out, your climax hitting you with the force of a tidal wave. Your body tightened around him, every nerve ending alight with sensation.
He groaned, his own release following closely behind, filling you once more. The feeling was addictive, the raw intimacy of it all-consuming. He held you close, his forehead resting against yours as you both caught your breath.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” he whispered mostly to himself, his voice filled with wonder.
“Neither can I,” you replied, your heart pounding in sync with his. “But it feels right. It feels perfect.”
He nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “It does.”
You stayed entwined like that, savoring the afterglow and the newfound depth of your connection. The Kira case and the outside world faded into the background, replaced by the warmth of each other’s presence and the promise of a future together.
Eventually, as the reality of your situation began to seep back in, you knew you had to return to your duties. But the bond you had forged would remain, a source of strength and comfort in the days to come.
As L gently pulled out and helped you adjust, he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. “We’ll figure this out,” he said softly in a small whisper. “Together.”
“Together,” you echoed, your heart filled with a certainty that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them side by side.
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tsukimirecs · 5 months ago
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nekoma // fic recommendations
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note: remember to read the tags! + i do not own any of these works + the synopsis for each fic belongs to the author who wrote the fic
kuroo tetsuro
taste test - kaientai
synopsis: when you taste the same thing as your soulmate, things get interesting
red all over - meldve
synopsis: you are trapped in an elevator with your work rival, kuroo. what else could go wrong?
your name - tsukisemi
synopsis: kuroo finds you really cute, too bad you keep giving him a fake name every time you come into the coffee shop he works at
public transit - orphan_account
synopsis: your heart pounded, knowing you were being touched, and he was watching you.
but when he loves me - sweetcandyliar
synopsis: there are so many ways that kuroo tells you he loves you.
somewhere only we know - wanderwithme (wanderlustt)
synopsis: four times kuroo proposes to you - and the last time he does
meeting the boys - orphan_account
synopsis: in which no one really believes kuroo could get a girlfriend as incredible as you
落葉 | rakuyou - deltachye
synopsis: maple leaves are most beautiful in which they have died, falling slowly, waiting patiently to be reborn
riverbank - itsleese
synopsis: you're reminded of the little boy you loved way back then, the riverbank you played at together. maybe you should go see it?
caring cats - haikyuu_philia
synopsis: nekoma is family
disrupted meetings - sansos
synopsis: dr. tetsurou kuroo’s research group has transitioned to hosting meetings online. what could go wrong?
cat ears - just__j
synopsis: kuroo approaches you, captain of the girls club, with a proposition of a bet for the losing captain
kozume kenma
change the channel - alkale
synopsis: "i want to buy your game from you"
kodzuken does not have a girlfriend - bunnytime
synopsis: it has been a running joke that kodzuken lies about having a girlfriend for years now. needless to say, his fanbase is convinced he doesn’t really have a girlfriend
second place - yourqueenhasarrived
synopsis: kenma forgets your anniversary and once again pushes you aside for his gaming career. how much can you take?
an inconvenient crush - the_only_iris
synopsis: kenma has had the biggest crush on twitch streamer, (y/n). what happens when their paths cross?
learning process - nomazee
synopsis: you and kenma always had an interesting dynamic. kuroo found it nice for everyone involved
thank you for being a friend! - heichoe
synopsis: ”if it helps: when you gave kuroo head in high school, he said it was great"
yaku morisuke
who dares speak aloud these words (intended for the heart to speak) - sunmoonstarsrain
synopsis: yaku bursts into her life like a hurricane, even whilst akaashi lingers on like the memory of a summer breeze
artists eyes - teapots_and_teacups
synopsis: yaku was used to being ignored on the court
if only i were selfish - this noodle writes
synopsis: yaku was anything but a selfish man, but being selfless had cost him you once before. so, when he gets the chance to see you again, will he finally be selfish enough to try?
note: as you can tell, i'm trying a different recommendations style- what do you think? do you think i should switch back to the first one or is this one better? would love to know your thoughts
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zorobff · 1 year ago
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how to disappear. (opla!zoro x fem!reader)
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synopsis: joining luffy’s crew made you believe that you’d finally escaped your former pirate crew and nightmare of a captain for good. that is, until a certain butler starts looking a little too familiar. good thing zoro’s keeping a close eye on you.
warnings: opla spoilers (ep 3), some direct dialogue from opla, mentions of verbal/physical abuse, kuro is just a weirdo tbh, reader is called a bitch, protective zoro, for the sake of the story sham and buchie joined the black cat pirates after reader left
word count: 4.7k
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“this guy is full of shit.”
you knock your shoulder into zoro’s wider one. “be nice. and so what if he is?” 
zoro gives you a pointed glare. “then we should turn around and look for someone who can actually help us find a ship.” 
“all business, as per usual,” you reply, with a purposefully dramatic sigh. “why can’t you have a little fun?” 
“what about this is supposed to be fun?” zoro spits out the word like it’s poisonous. “this is the blandest village i’ve ever seen.”
you scoff. “now you’re the one that’s full of shit. nothing’s ever bland with us and you know it.” 
the us in question was your newly formed pirate crew… if you and luffy could even be considered that. having left the ship you’d been on a few years ago, you were in search of a new crew. luffy was persistent and charming — when you’d crossed paths in shells town, it took little to no time for him to convince you to join his hunt for the one piece. zoro and nami, on the other hand, had yet to follow in your footsteps. 
“well, considering that we’ve only been traveling together for a day and a half and i’ve already escaped a marine base, defeated a marine captain, and fought a clown with devil fruit powers… i’d actually have to agree.” 
you can’t help but giggle at his sarcastic delivery. “be grateful, zoro. not many pirate crews are this fun to be on, trust me. oh wait, that’s right, you still haven’t officially joined—”
“tell me about your old pirate crew,” interjects zoro, your comment having piqued his interest. 
you notice that the playful atmosphere dissipates. “god, where do i even start?” 
zoro answers that for you. “why did you leave?”
“starting with the hard hitting questions, huh?” you joke, mostly to stall. you clear your throat before you answer. “well, it was different. nothing like what luffy has going on. he actually cares about his crew… and even those who aren’t technically on it.” 
at that, a smile tugs at the corner of zoro’s lips. even you crack a small grin. although as you continue speaking, it fades. 
“on my old crew, we were dispensable. anytime something went wrong, our own captain would threaten to kill us. it was… scary, to be completely honest. there were so many times when i thought i’d die with that filthy crew. and i never wanted that. so as soon as we docked at shells town, i left.”  
zoro’s jaw clenches as imagines the things you’d seen and been subjected to. “this old captain of yours sounds like a real—”
“he was a nightmare,” you tell him. “he didn’t care that i was the only woman on board, he treated me just as horribly, if not worse.” 
zoro stops so suddenly that it takes you a second to realize he’s not walking alongside you.
“what do you mean by that.” the way zoro phrases the inquiry doesn’t even make it sound like a question. more like a demand. his narrowed eyes are fixed solely on you. holding his gaze feels… intense. 
you can’t help but glance away as you answer him. “he was just a bit of a creep.”
before zoro has the chance to try and extract more information out of you, a familiar voice calls both your names. you’re not really sure when you and zoro had fallen behind but from where you currently stand, the rest of your group looks miniature. or perhaps it’s just the massive size of the mansion behind them that makes luffy, nami, and usopp look pocket-sized in comparison. 
“why’d you stop walking?!” your captain shouts, hands pressed on each side of his mouth to amplify his voice. “get over here, we’re about to go in through the top secret entrance!” 
you vaguely make out usopp gesturing for luffy to keep his voice down. you’re sure that would warrant another comment from zoro about his reliability but he’s too busy staring at you with that expectant look in his eyes. 
“we better catch up,” you tell him, heading in the direction of the deluxe home. 
he allows you to dodge the subject and sighs, walking in long strides to catch up to you.  
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“i’ve never seen a house this big before,” luffy admits, admiring the mansion along with the wellkept greenery surrounding it. 
“awesome, right?” usopp gloats, walking around like he owned the place. “kaya’s given me an open invitation to drop by anytime i want.” 
“wow.” you’re not sure if luffy was just going along with usopp’s act or if he really believed him. knowing the devil fruit user, it was more than likely the latter. “all this for just one person?”
“well, she lives here with her butler and a few other staff,” usopp replies, leaning against the stone well that sat in the middle of the lawn.
“money really shows you who people truly are,” nami mutters, eyes scanning the property. “most people only care about themselves and what’s theirs.”
zoro is quick to throw the insult back at her. “sounds like someone i know.”
you roll your eyes at his comment, though you make no effort to disagree with him. nami was a little on the materialistic side. 
“and a small staff makes for easy pickings,” she continues, proving your point.
“we just got here and you’re already planning on robbing the place blind?” you ask though you already know the answer.
“at least a little blurry,” she smirks, following behind luffy and usopp who walk toward the entrance. 
you and zoro share a look. one that says disappointed but not surprised. 
going under a shrub shaped as an arch, you’re met with a beautiful pond. you admire the pink lilies that float at the top and the bushes that were intricately trimmed into the shape of various animals. even if the people that lived here were filthy rich, at least they had good decorative taste. 
“so if you have an invitation, why are we going around the back way?” luffy ponders.
usopp’s answer is nonchalant. “oh, i never use the front entrance. like i said, this is the vip entrance reserved for special guests.”
zoro scoffs. “this guy’s definitely–”
“don’t start,” you groan, cutting him off. 
abruptly, usopp freezes and spins around, attempting to usher your crew back. “you know what, there’s actually a more exclusive entrance this way–”
the sharp swoosh of a knife cutting through the air and burying itself in the ground between usopp’s feet cuts him off. from the direction the kitchen utensil was thrown stands a heavyset gentleman with his face wrinkled in anger. his demanding voice booms through the garden, “the hell are you doing here, usopp?” 
the dark-skinned boy fumbles over his word. “buchi, buddy, uh, kaya’s expecting me.”
“another one of your lies,” the man – seemingly named buchi – seethes, grabbing him by the collar. “you ain’t welcome here and you know it.”
“i know nothing of the sort,” usopp retorts, keeping his cool even when he was practically being lifted off the ground by his shirt. “i’m here to give kaya an extra special gift.”
before buchi can get another word out, a feminine voice calls out for your companion. coming down the steps is a frail looking girl in a pink dress. on her arm is a man dressed in a crisp suit, presumably the butler usopp had mentioned earlier. though, from where you stand you can’t see either of their faces too clearly. 
“what a wonderful surprise,” she exclaims, breathlessly. 
“kaya!” usopp exclaims, returning her enthusiasm. buchi has no choice but to let him go, begrudgingly. usopp makes sure to shoot him a smug look before walking towards the young girl. “happy birthday.” 
the butler clears his throat, not afraid to intrude on their special moment. “usopp, we’ve discussed this before. you mustn’t show up unannounced.” 
“nonsense, klahadore.” kaya smiles warmly. “have you come to tell me another story? i do love hearing about your adventures.” 
“i’ll do you one better,” usopp smirks with such confidence that even you’re left wondering what kind of surprise he has up his sleeve. “i brought some of my crew!” he gestures back towards the four of you, proudly. 
your excitement vanishes. “oh. the surprise is… us.”
“well, that’s boring,” luffy agrees, just as disappointed as you are. 
kaya, on the other hand, is none the wiser. “it’s so nice to meet you. you must all stay for dinner.” 
klahadore lowers his voice. “miss kaya, it is a bit last minute. i’m afraid the kitchen hasn’t prepared for any extra guests.”
“please,” begs kaya, softly. “it’s my birthday. can’t be too much trouble can it?” 
giving in, klahadore purses his lips. “anything for you, miss kaya.” 
luffy claps his hands together. “alright! when do we eat?” 
“you don’t. not dressed like that, at least.” the butler directs himself to a staff member with teal colored hair. “sham, kindly show usopp and his friends to the guest suites. you will bathe and change before dinner.”
she follows his orders and leads the way. luffy, usopp, nami, and zoro trail behind her and you go to do the same. however, all it takes is a quick glance to stop you dead in your tracks. usually, you weren’t one to stare but klahadore’s face. that stare. so dark and depraved. 
“yes, miss?” he asks, holding your gaze. “can i help you?” 
“n-no, i…” your throat goes dry as you attempt to recover smoothly. “i just wanted to, um, thank you for being so hospitable.” 
his lips curve upwards into a sinister grin. “the pleasure’s all mine.” as if to confirm your worst fear, klahadore uses his palm to readjust his glasses. his beady eyes gauge your reaction closely.
the familiar gesture sends chills down your spine. appearance-wise, he had changed drastically but his aura was still just as menacing as you remember it. he was still the corrupt pirate captain you used to serve under. you feel like a weak and helpless subordinate all over again.
“klahadore!” giggles kaya. “you’re smiling! that’s certainly a rarity.”
he hums. “i’ve simply come to the realization that having guests once in a while can truly be a delight.”
his sickeningly sweet tone makes your stomach turn. just the fact that you were standing in front of him – captain kuro – again after all these years was nauseating in itself. last you’d heard he had died at the hands of captain morgan. how was this even possible? then again, he wasn’t dubbed kuro of a hundred plans for no reason. he always had a trick or two up his sleeve. you assumed this was no different. 
“hey, you comin’?”
you turn around to see zoro waiting for you. he meets your gaze for a moment. the softness of his eyes is a stark contrast to kuro’s. it’s a breath of fresh air. he then shifts his attention to your former captain and you swear his eyes darken. 
“yeah, sorry,” you mumble, trying not to look shaken as you walk up the steps. 
zoro follows behind you, this time closer than before.
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“why would anybody even need this many clothes?”
“it’s not about need with these people, luffy. it’s about want,” nami spits, thumbing through the various fabrics on the wall. 
“at least she’s rich and nice,” luffy replies, innocently.
nami rolls her eyes. “yeah, letting us stay for dinner must be her idea of charity work.” 
“what are we even supposed to wear?” luffy continues, uninterested in nami’s criticism of the rich. 
“anything you want. when are you ever going to get the opportunity to wear things this nice?” 
you step out from behind the changing board where you’d swapped out your old tee and cargo skirt for an elegant satin dress. it was a stunning shade of olive green and frilly lace decorated the edges. not to mention, it hugged your curves in all the right ways.
nami’s eyes widen. “see, she’s got the right idea. you look amazing.” 
you smile, bashfully. “honestly, i feel amazing.”
“you look the same to me,” your captain shrugs.
nami shoots him a death glare but you intervene before she can scold him.
“way to keep me humble, luffy.”
“no problem!” 
at that exact moment, a freshly showered zoro arrives donning a silk robe. he eyes the multitude of garments that cover every inch of the room, not particularly impressed. 
“there you are. don’t you think she looks nice?” nami asks him, gesturing towards you. she doesn’t notice how you shrink under zoro’s gaze. neither does he, as his eyes take their time raking over you, from top to bottom.
he hums. “suits you.” with that, he sets off towards a chair in the corner of the room.  
“seriously?” sighs nami, exasperated. “are you two physically unable to give compliments or something?” 
“hey, doesn’t that butler seem familiar to you guys?” zoro asks, promptly ignoring nami’s complaint. 
his question causes your breath to hitch. you’d pushed the kuro problem to the back of your mind while you were in search of a suitable dinner outfit. you figured that as long as your crew was by your side, he wouldn’t dare try anything. and even if he did… well, you’d seen what had happened to axe-hand morgan and buggy. 
“yeah, i think he was at the last dinner party i attended,” nami replies sarcastically, taking a handful of dresses behind the changing board. 
as he takes a seat, zoro grumbles, “i swear i’ve seen him before.” 
“where?” you can’t help but ask, fiddling with the lace on the neckline of your dress. 
“so far, i’ve got two suspicions. a wanted poster or funky bar on mirrorball island. you ever been?”
you know zoro’s teasing you, judging by the grin on his face. after all, funky bar was known to get insanely rowdy; never would he imagine finding someone as gentle as you there. but what he didn’t know is that it happened to be one of kuro’s favorite bars. per his request, you and the rest of the black cat pirates frequented it often, so he was more than likely right about having seen kuro there. he’d probably even seen you in passing, once or twice. thankfully, he doesn’t seem to have any recollection of that.
the thought of zoro knowing about your past forms a knot in the pit of your stomach. would he think less of you for having joined such a ruthless crew at one point in your life? what if it put a strain on the friendship you’d worked so hard to form? 
“i’ve, uh, heard of it,” you decide to reply, pushing down your worries for the time being. 
he tilts his head slightly, thinking out loud. “then again, i have seen a lot of wanted posters and bars in my time as a pirate hunter.”
you feel a grin creep onto your face. “probably more bars than posters, huh?”
zoro mirrors your smile. “shut up.”
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by the time dinner rolls around, the entire crew is doing what they do best. 
luffy is stuffing his face, nami is attempting to swindle one of the staff, zoro is hanging by the drinks, and you’re hanging by zoro. 
“hey zoro, you gotta try this!” luffy calls through a mouthful of food.
“i’ve got all i need right here,” he mutters, taking a swig out of his champagne flute. 
“you know, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you choke down something that isn’t alcohol,” you comment, watching the way he downs the glass in one go. 
dryly, he replies, “that’s because i haven’t.”
“very on brand.”
“ladies and gentlemen,” calls out that voice from the top of the stairs. “may i present… miss kaya.”
arm in arm, kuro and kaya walk down the steps, all eyes on the birthday girl and her stunning gown. well, except you. your eyes never leave the so-called butler by her side. your jaw clenches when he has the audacity to meet your gaze and hold it. shameless bastard. 
once they reach the bottom, merry leads kaya to the guests while kuro takes his post at the bottom of the stairs… right next to the drink table. before you can think about steering yourself and zoro away, kuro speaks.
“forgive me if i am speaking out of line, madam, but i must inform you. you look positively radiant,” he purrs, soaking in your appearance. he looks ready to pounce.
you can’t stop your eyes from rolling. good to know he’s the same pervert he used to be.
looking between you both and sensing your discomfort, zoro steps in. “and you look familiar.” 
kuro’s head stiffly turns to face him, eyes peeling away from you. “highly doubtful, sir.” 
“funky bar? mirror ball island?” 
“funky bar?” kuro repeats, disgusted. “well, i can assure you i’ve never patronized that type of establishment.” 
while it was amusing to see your highly esteemed former captain lie through his teeth, the tension between him and zoro was unbearable. 
“well then.” zoro continues with his little interrogation. “ever been on a wanted poster?”
you cringe at his bluntness. sometimes it seemed like he had less of a filter than luffy.
kuro puts on a scandalized face at the question. “sir! such an accusation is highly offensive.” tugging on his collar, he goes to remove himself from zoro’s probing. “now, if you’ll excuse me, i’m going to help prepare the dinner table.” 
he leaves, en route to the dining room. zoro’s eyes follow his figure until he disappears, squinting as he racks his brain for any further recollection of this suspicious butler. 
you sigh. if zoro was going to continue being so relentless, you were sure the night would end in bloodshed and uncovered secrets. 
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“keep this coming,” zoro demands, handing the empty wine bottle to sham. she takes it with a glare. 
“would it kill you to say please?” you ask, slicing the slab of fish on your plate into smaller pieces.
“the service here is shitty. why should i have to be polite?” 
you scowl. “remind me to never have dinner with you again.”
zoro turns to you with that cocky grin of his. “what if i asked nicely?” 
his quip makes your heart flutter but you manage to keep your composure. “you can try your luck.” 
before he can respond, usopp speaks up. “luffy, isn’t there something that you wanted to talk to kaya about?” 
luffy gesticulates enthusiastically with his fork. “oh, yes! usopp told me that you own the whole shipyard.” 
“well, actually, my parents founded the shipyard and merry’s been running the business since they… passed. but all that’s about to change. tonight, at midnight, i will become the sole owner.” she smiles somberly. 
“well, that’s great,” luffy says, raising his drink at her. “because we want to buy a ship from you.” 
“ah, i see. usopp mentioned that you’re sailors.” 
“nope, not sailors. we’re pirates!”
you’re certain at least three people at the table choke on their food, yourself included. 
“this ought to be good,” zoro mumbles behind his glass.
you’re too busy coughing into your napkin to chastise him for finding this entertaining.
“pirates?” kaya repeats, unsure of how to react. 
“yup! we haven’t sailed together for very long but we’ve already defeated an evil clown, raided a marine base, and taken down a captain with an axe! for a hand!” luffy holds up a fist, presumably to impersonate axe-hand morgan.
“sounds a lot like your adventures, usopp,” kaya says, turning to the brunette.
all he can do is laugh dryly. “yeah, that’s… that’s crazy.” 
“and we’re just getting started!” luffy continues, climbing up onto the table.
“someone put me out of my misery,” you mumble, looking down at your plate to ignore the secondhand embarrassment.
a tap on your shoulder answers your plea.
turning around, you find yourself face to face with kuro once again. “madam, a word please?”
“might i ask what for?” zoro cuts in before you can so much as think of a response.
kuro offers him the most forced grin you’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing. “i’m afraid that is between the lady and i.”
the swordsman turns to you, scanning your face for any ounce of discomfort. “you okay with that?”
you inhale, figuring it was finally time for you to confront the darkest part of your past. it was silly to assume you would be able to ignore him throughout your entire stay here. besides, you were sure zoro, just like the rest of your crew, would be on standby if kuro got brave enough to try anything. “sure. just… keep an eye out.”
zoro understands completely. truthfully, you didn’t even need to ask – he always looked after you. “got it.”
you push yourself out of your seat and smooth out your dress. you allow kuro to lead you to the doorway – he was smart enough to know that was the farthest you’d let him take you. 
“what do you want, klahadore?” you seethe, folding your arms.
he arches a brow. “why must you call me that? it’s ridiculous.” 
you tilt your head with faux innocence. “oh? is that not your name? must have misheard.”
he gives you an irritated look, dark eyes drilling into you.
“i remember that look,” you mutter, your memory serving you well. “it’s the same one you’d give me before you’d threaten to slice me to bits with your claws.”
kuro has the audacity to chuckle dryly. “but i never did, did i? although there were certainly times times where i should’ve.”
“what you should be is dead,” you hiss bitterly. “when i heard the news, i knew it was too good to be true.”
“you wound me, kitten,” he drawls, reaching up to fix his glasses. 
the condescending nickname makes your skin crawl. it carried so many awful memories of your time spent with the black cat pirates. it reminded you of just how weak kuro viewed you — nothing but a helpless, pitiful kitten in his eyes. typical of the man that abused his authority and treated you with not a single ounce of respect. 
he continues, putting on a sweet tone. “after all these years, stuck waiting hand and foot on that spoiled brat, there’s nothing i’d love more than to hear my favorite crew mate say my real name.”
you snap at him. “i’m no crew mate of yours.”
he sighs, dramatically. “sadly, you’re correct. after all, you did slip off the ship the moment we docked in shells town. locating you on an island crawling with marines proved to be nearly impossible. we had no choice but to leave without you.”
“that’s exactly why i chose to escape there.” 
“and to this day i can’t for the life of me figure out why you would ever do that. why would you want to leave us? leave me?”
you actually laugh right in his face. “is it really that hard to figure out? you were evil. you threatened and harassed me on a daily basis.”
“so your solution was to join that ragtag crew?” he glances at the table. “it’s pathetic, even for you.”
you lean into his face, lowering your voice down. “i’m happier than i ever was on your shitty crew. every day i wake up grateful that i managed to escape you.”
you see that vein on his forehead bulge before he’s gripping you by the chin. “listen here, you little bitch–”
the shiny silver of a sword slides between you and kuro, coming to rest against his neck. his adam’s apple bobs as he gulps anxiously, releasing you. thanks to zoro’s sword, it seemed as if he finally remembered where he was. you were no longer on his ship, he was no longer allowed to treat you like the dirt he walked on. not without someone noticing, that is. 
“why don’t you step away?” zoro offers simply.
that much was a kindness. usually those who found themselves on the end of zoro’s blade(s) weren’t lucky enough to receive a warning. however, the swordsman didn’t wish to cause a scene. at least not when you were right there and everyone was watching with shock from the dinner table.
kuro obliges, stumbling back. he meets kaya’s horrified eyes, feeling ashamed that he allowed his act to slip. surely this would cause some setbacks in his plan. with no excuse for his uncharacteristic behavior, the raven haired man scurries away and up the stairs.
zoro turns and locks eyes with luffy, giving him one singular nod. luffy returns it, jumping out of his seat and going after the butler. quiet murmuring breaks out at the dinner table, everyone surely confused. 
sheathing his sword, zoro directs his attention to you once more. “are you alright?” a calloused hand comes up to grip your chin, much like kuro had. however, this time, the touch is gentle. loving, almost. you welcome it.
“yeah, i’m… fine.” your heart is beating out of your chest and it has everything to do with your close proximity to zoro.
he tilts your face around, inspecting every inch of it. once he finishes, he pulls back. his demeanor goes serious once more. “we need to have a talk.”
you nod. “i know. i’ve been keeping some things from you guys and–”
“just tell me what’s been going on,” he demands. “and don’t overcomplicate it. you can be straightforward with me.”
his sincerity makes you start over, this time far more candidly. “klahadore used to be a pirate. i was part of his crew. he was my… captain.”
the shame in your voice pulls at zoro’s heartstrings. didn’t you know there was no reason to feel guilty with him? “is that it?” 
you open your mouth to speak but come up empty. all you can do is furrow your eyebrows at his unexpectedly dismissive reaction.
“i knew it,” zoro continues, annoyed. “i knew i’d seen him on a wanted poster before. just didn’t have any proof.”
“wait, so you don’t– you really don’t care?” you ask, still avoiding eye contact. “me being a former black cat pirate doesn’t bother you?”
he shrugs. “you said it yourself. ‘former.’ all that matters is that you got the hell out of there. and away from that creep. would he always put his hands on you like that?”
you blink a couple times, sighing. “his temper was really bad so–”
that seemed to be enough for zoro. “i’ll kill the bastard,” he hisses. “wanted to slice him to bits the moment i saw him grab you.” 
though it’s a violent threat, you can’t help but smile. the idea of zoro being so protective that he’d kill a man just for touching you made you blush. pirate love language, you suppose.
“well, i wouldn’t have stopped you,” you tell him, more than ready to see your former captain go.
zoro clicks his tongue. “nah. could’ve stained your new dress with his blood. i never would have been able to forgive myself.”
“so you do have a soft spot,” you tease.
“only for pretty things.”
“do you mean me or the dress?” 
now it’s zoro’s turn to become bashful. though, his lack of response is an answer in itself. you can’t help but giggle. 
a loud bang from upstairs interrupts your moment with the green-haired man. you assume luffy had gotten his hands on kuro… or vice versa. zoro must be thinking the same thing judging by the way he instinctively rests a hand on the handle of his blade.
“you should go up there,” you tell him. “i’ll stay with kaya.”  
he gives you a nod, though he doesn’t make any effort to leave. he stands there like he wants to say something… or do something. before you can think about it too much, you pull him in by the collar and crash your lips onto his. they’re slightly chapped and taste like the wine that’d come from the cellar – it’s pleasant. his large palms come to rest on your lower back; his hold feels tight and secure. 
when you finally allow yourself to pull away, you’re biting back a smile. “kick his ass for me.” 
“will i get more of that if i do?” asks zoro, wetting his lips. they now taste like the cherry lip gloss you’d borrowed from kaya. he takes a step forward, attempting to close the gap between you two once more.
you shrug, pushing him away by the chest. “go help luffy and we’ll see.”
you both know that means yes.
8K notes · View notes
criminalamnesia · 6 months ago
Note
Not a request but NEW TRAITOR CHAP WHEN??? prioritize urself no rush Pookie just the ppl gotta know
part 7 is here 🙏
ALL PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE
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it was pouring rain as you slid from the taxi, the driver attempting to yell at you to shut the door as thunder rumbled overhead.
you paid him no heed; boots splashed in murky puddles as you pushed the door closed and moved towards the yellow cab’s trunk.
you could barely hear yourself think. the rain was battering the ground as if locked in a viscous war with the cracked pavement— puddles forming as the asphalt resisted with all its might. it wasn’t enough, water seeping into the ground and muddying the grass nearby, drowning it mercilessly.
you grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder before shutting the trunk. you’d barely stepped back from the car before it was speeding off, kicking up water and splashing your legs.
you didn’t mind— you were soaked through to the bone, anyways. besides, you didn’t mind the storm. it was comfort— a distraction from what lay ahead.
your new team. a small, covert operations group made up of the best of the best. two sergeants, a lieutenant, a captain— and they wanted one more soldier.
the opening couldn’t have come at a better time. you’d run your course with your old squad. they’d been fine— until they weren’t. carelessness and ignorance from teammates almost resulted in your untimely death, and laswell hadn’t questioned your transfer request after hearing the tale.
in fact, she’d recommended the one-four-one to you.
you thought you’d be meeting them on base, but the captain had requested you meet them here, instead. a run-down old diner, with its bright, neon pink sign blinking down at you through the rain.
you inhaled, then exhaled. clenched your fists, then unclenched them. it was a habit you’d had since you were a child. it forced you to slow down and think, to overcome the emotions you were lost in.
you blinked. rain ran down your face, creating false tears as it streamed from the corners of your eyes. you were sure you looked a sight.
another inhale, another exhale, and then you moved towards the diner’s door. you pushed it open, stepping inside and wiping your boots on the mat in front of the door.
“I think you’re gonna need to do more than that to dry off, sweetheart” a woman’s voice calls to you, causing you to look up towards the counter. she’s grimacing, looking you up and down. no doubt she’ll be following your path through the building with a mop in hand.
“sorry,” you tell her, trying to brush some water from your jacket. “forgot my umbrella.”
the woman gave a huff, waving her hand before turning and attending to an ancient-looking coffee maker.
you take the time to glance around the diner then, noting the substantial lack of customers. only two booths were occupied, one containing a young couple tangled in each other’s arms, and the other containing a man wearing a baseball cap with the UK flag patched on it.
he looked up from his phone as you approached, seemingly unsurprised based on the grin he gave you.
“glad to see you got here in one piece,” he says as you shrug off your bag, placing it on the floor as you slide into the seat across from him.
“one drenched piece,” you say, and he gives a small chuckle.
“im kyle,” the man tells you. “don’t know what laswell told you,” he clicks off his phone and places it on the table. “but im one of the sergeants.”
you nod. “callsign ‘gaz,’ right?”
he gives a nod of his own. his phone buzzes, the screen lighting up. his eyes glance down, scan the message, then meet yours once more.
“rest of the team got held up. price is in a meeting. johnny and ghost are on assignment, but they’re due back any day now.”
“so you’re the welcome committee by default, huh?” you say, and he laughs.
“guess i am. have i scared you off yet?”
“dunno,” you tell him. “but laswell sings your praises. the captain’s, especially.”
“she sings yours, too.” kyle says.
you give a small nod, your mind racing at what laswell may have told the task force. you weren’t bad at your job— you were great at it. a great shot, a reliable solider, a tireless sentry.
your emotions got the better of you at times, that was all. attachments and bonds that formed, linking you and your fellow soldiers together in the web of warfare. tying you around the wrist and dragging you along, for better or worse. little siblings or lovers evolving from what once had been just another set of boots on the ground.
this job was all you had. you found family where you had too, and it made you all the more loyal. but when you were spurned? when the fire leapt from the pit and scorched your skin?
you weren’t quick to forgive, and you found that reasonable in this line of work. mistakes by teammates could get you killed. who could blame you for holding a grudge against an ally who had almost cost you your life?
it’s why you were here now. a new start with a new team— a team of the best, you included.
kyle’s phone buzzes again. he picks it up, the screen illuminating his face as the lights flicker overhead. the storm wasn’t letting up.
“cap’s on his way— says he’ll be here in less than 30.”
“price, right?” you recall his name. kyle nods.
“don’t tell him I told you,” he leans in, a mischievous look in his eyes, “but he’s been lookin’ forward to meeting you. maybe even more than johnny has.”
“why’s that?”
“said the one-four-one is overdue for someone else who can kick johnny’s ass. wants you to knock him down a few more pegs.”
you laugh at that, giving a small shake of your head. kyle’s lips curl into a smile. “nah, he’s just happy to have some more hands on deck. always helps to have another person that’ll watch your back.”
as kyle starts talking again, you find your nerves settling.
maybe this team could be your new family.
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you looked down at your hands, noting the slight shake of them. you don’t think they’d been steady since before everything happened.
your eyes glance to the ugly, scarred stump of the finger you’d lost. simon hadn’t chopped it off prettily, and it’d been stitched up hastily. you couldn’t blame the doctor, there had been more pressing injuries to attend to.
such as the bone-deep cut to one leg, growing infected from your time spent in the chair. the scar was long, stretching from the top of your thigh to your knee. it was still pink, a sign of your body still trying to put itself back together.
your torso wasn’t much better. jagged scars and puckered knots of skin marred your image. both from before and from after.
your eyes met your own in the mirror. you barely recognized yourself. the anger within you still burned, but its flame had reduced to a simmer. exhaustion, apathy, and shame had taken its place.
perhaps that was a good thing. it saved you the energy of fighting the men you inevitably saw every day. despite your numerous pleas and demands for them to simply leave you alone, they seemed to have a hard time listening. it made you want to scream. to hurt them, digging your fingers into skin until they understood the pain behind your words.
a knock sounded at the door. you didn’t move.
a knock again. you could hear the shuffle of feet outside the door. you wished whoever it was would leave you be.
another knock, accompanied by the soft timbre of kyle’s voice.
“love, you alright in there?” he was saying. you still stood before the mirror.
things had been different since you attacked the doctor. it had only been a few days, but word spread quickly through base. if people had avoided you before, you were like the plague now.
and the shame you felt was insurmountable. the pain and regret and fury were building like a tidal wave in your stomach, rising and choking the air from your lungs.
you wanted to leave this place. get away from the men you once called family, the one you once called yours.
but leaving meant the end of your career. you just had to hold out until kate arranged your transfer, that’s all. just a few more days, right?
and then this place and these people wouldn’t be a constant reminder of what had happened to you. of what it had done to you, physically and mentally.
“go, kyle,” you called out to him, breaking from your trance as you reached for the scratchy robe johnny had gifted you one christmas.
“not until i see you breathin’, love.”
you sigh, tying the robe shut and hugging the material to your body. you moved to the door, turning the lock before inching it open.
“breathing,” you tell him, watching as his eyes flick away from yours. god, it made you want to strangle him.
to yell at him, to yell at all of them— "you did this, and you should be able to look me in the eyes and see it.”
“now go.”
he looks at you again, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “will you let me in?” he asks, and you scoff as you move to slam the door.
“fuck off, kyle.”
but he’s quick, and his hand shoots out, grasping the door’s wooden edge and keeping it from closing.
“we need to talk.”
“whatever you need to say, you can say it from there,” you tell him, and he pauses for a minute before he nods.
“doc is asking about you again. she’s up and runnin’ around. said she wants to see you.”
your lips press into a thin line. you didn’t deserve that woman’s kindness, not after what you’d done to her.
you hadn’t been in your right mind, but that didn’t excuse it. you had bloodied your fists; harmed an innocent in the war between you and your own mind.
you didn’t want to see her still worrying about you when you had assured her you were fine. you had left her supervision, and then you’d attacked her. and you hadn’t stopped until simon had pulled you away.
you would’ve killed her, you know that in your heart. you would’ve killed her, thinking she was one of the men who had wanted to kill you.
“tell her im fine,” you said, your hand tightening around the door’s knob.
“i think she’d rather see that for herself,” he says.
“im fine,” you repeat. “i’ll be out of everyone’s hair in a few days, anyways.”
kyle’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “you’re leaving?”
he knew this, they all did. perhaps they just didn’t truly believe it. all of them, every single one, still thought you’d turn around and run back into their arms.
bastards.
“as soon as laswell gives the word,” you reply. “should be soon.”
kyle doesn’t speak. he’s obviously biting his tongue— you’d seen the expression that was on his face enough to know when he was holding back, but you didn’t prod like you would’ve before.
let him keep his secrets, lies, promises, and sorries. you didn’t need them anymore.
“don’t bother me again,” you said before shutting the door in his face.
you hear him sigh on the other side of the wood, then hear the retreat of his steps. you turn back to the mirror, snarl, and grab the alarm clock from your nightstand.
you throw it into the glass, shattering it to pieces. seven years of bad luck, you think.
well, it couldn’t get much worse, could it?
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kyle sighs, staring at your door for a second longer before turning away. simon looks down at him from where he was leaning against the wall, hidden from your view, his muscled arms crossed over his chest.
“surprised?” simon asks as the two of them retreat down the hallway. he makes sure they’re far enough from your door before speaking, so that you won’t hear his voice.
“we knew it was happening, price said as much after that whole thing with johnny,” kyle replies, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. “just thought this might change things.”
“change ‘em how?” simon says. “if anythin’, this speeds it up. they’re a liability now.”
“they’re hurt, ghost,” kyle retorts, his eyes meeting his superior’s. “that’s ptsd. not everyone’s as forgiving as the doc. they attack someone outside and that’s a fucking felony.”
“that’s not our problem, sergeant,” comes simon’s baritone reply, and kyle stops.
“you’re a fuckin’ case yourself, y’know that, LT?” he says, and simon stops. “we all played a part,” kyle continues. “but you? you would’ve killed ‘em if we never knew the truth. i know you would’ve. i’ve seen you do it.”
the men stare at each other. simon’s expression is hidden underneath his balaclava, but kyle knows it’s unreadable regardless.
mean, old ghost. heartless bastard, loyal to the mission only. that’s what the others around base whispered to each other.
kyle had seen proof to the contrary. yes, simon was loyal to the mission. but he was also loyal to his team, his family. you.
he was loyal to you.
“watch yourself, sergeant,” simon speaks, his voice a dangerous rumble.
kyle scoffs and walks off, shaking his head.
simon watches him go, his breath steady.
kyle didn’t understand him, not really. not the way you had begun to. and that was his own fault, he knows it. forever holding those close to him at arms length for fear of the worst.
he’d let you in— let you invade that space he enforced so ruthlessly. and the worst had happened.
kyle doesn’t know this is tearing him in half; none of the team does. they don’t understand that simon wants you to stay because you’re you, but he wants you gone because he can see how this is killing you.
even when he’s the villain in your story, he’s still trying to look out for you— in his own, twisted way.
he doesn’t regret it. that is cemented in his mind. but as he grapples with his own emotions, his mind in its own turmoil, he knows he wants you to be okay.
“im sorry,” he had spoken to deaf ears.
sorry for the ripping apart of your life, but not sorry for what he had done.
deep down, he knew you would never forgive them. he knew that leaving this team would be the best thing for you.
he knew, he knew, he knew.
knowing and accepting are two different things.
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hope this was worth the wait! i think the next part will be the end, unless my idea changes 👀
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absolutely-esme · 1 year ago
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Amity Park is different
Amity Park has a local superhero.
He's great. He works hard to protect his town. That said, Amity's local hero is a teenager. The people he relies on to help and support him are teenagers. The town's superhero defense is a handful of kids figuring things out on their own.
They do good, but sometimes the people of Amity have to be prepared to lend a hand or hold their own for a bit. That's just how life is under these conditions. Communities come together and support each other. It's fine. People adapt. Life goes on. They're really doing quite well.
A class from Amity Park visits a museum in Gotham on a field trip. They get caught in an unfortunately timed Scarecrow attack.
Scarecrow should have known better than to activate the fight or flight responses of a group of Amity Parkers.
The gas canister drops and discharges. The field trip group explodes into action.
A pair of Football players quickly overturns a table and use it as a shield as they charge the goons with the most firepower. Cheerleaders toss each other into the air for aerial attacks. Nerds turn objects from a nearby Janitor closet into a surprisingly effective trebuchet with astounding speed. One girl utilizes impressive martial arts skills.
A boy with Black hair and blue eyes flits about the battlefield pilfering and disassembling weapons with a shocking degree of efficiency as a Goth girl follows him around and bludgeon anyone who attempts to make a grab for him with a stand that had been holding up a rope barrier, and a boy in a beret lays down cover fire by launching pencils out of a makeshift bow formed from a binder and rubber bands with a startling degree of accuracy.
The teacher flits around pulling kids out of the path of attacks they hadn't seen, stowing any injured behind cover, and giving foes solid thwack on the noggin when the opportunity arises. He actually ends up knocking out Scarecrow himself.
The statement "We're not trapped in here with you. You're trapped in here with us," is repeated several times by different people.
When the Bats or police arrive, they have to carefully pull the feildtrip group off of the unfortunate rogues.
It takes a while to get the antidotes administered, but they do eventually manage. The class remains in defensive formation the whole time.
When the kids finally calm down enough to give statements, they mostly just say that Scarecrow gets what he gets for deliberately activating Amity Parkers' fight or flight responses. After the antidotes take effect, the class seems unfazed and goes about their business as soon as the authorities allow.
Some other visitors to the museum upload videos of the event online with titles like "the one class that was prepared for a field trip to Gotham" and "What kind of place is Amity Park, and why haven't I heard of it before?"
It doesn't take long for people to edit the videos to set the fight to music. Popular song choices include Ballroom Blitz, Bring 'em Out by Hawk Nelson, and the "we like to party" song from the six flags commercial.
Now the Bats are investigating Amity Park (and why they haven't heard of it before).
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