#he always planned all of our family road trips so he knows what hes talking about ;;;;;

[altruistic-meme]

re: drive, do what you did with your sister when y'all went to Texas but alone?

when i drove from San Francisco to essentially Vancouver on my way to Alaska, it was literally like every other road trip except i had to call all the shots. which was stressful af since this wasnt a For Fun trip so i asked for a buddy on my way back down

oh!! you can bring like a plushie and take photos of it in places :3 that is your travel buddy

ah!! yeah, see, the biggest problem is that my sister did most of the planning for that trip skdhfskdg

it is,,, mmmmm,,, well part of it is that i'm going to be flying instead of driving! since it's a 30hr drive :') which is Fine and Okay except i have to go through 2 of the busiest US airports by myself with next-to-no experience :'))) i may or may not be very nervous about that lmao

but other than that it's also gonna be a longer trip! im going for about a week (probably, i know i'll be leaving saturday but idk what day i want to return home yet) whereas my trip to texas with my sister was 3 days, as was my trip with my other sister when we went to california! (<- that was also my only airport/plane experience thus far) so im gonna have more time there to actually Do Things as opposed to just... Day 1. Arriving, Day 2. Doing the Single Thing, and then Day 3. Leaving

that said though, a travel buddy actually sounds like a very good thing for me to bring!! ive done similar things on big family road trips where we would stop to remember to take photos, though those were more of Us than anything else, but i think it would be a nice way to remember to actually TAKE photos!! as well as helping me actually stay calm enough to figure things out :)

[loveandmurders]

You belong to Ambrose I (poly!Sinclairs x f!reader)

Hey everyone, I'm happy to finally post the first part of this imagine.

I really hope you'll enjoy it <3

Warnings: no proof reading, a few strong words, angst, dangerous!Lester, mentions of violence, blood and murders, morally grey reader.

“Hey, mom, what do you think Ambrose looks like now?” you heard yourself asking your mother without even meaning to.

The woman sent you a quick glance before her attention went back on the food she was preparing on the kitchen table.

“Why?” she sternly asked back and you tried to shrug it off, no matter how embarrassed you were starting to feel about the whole conversation you just brought up.

“Don’t know. I’m just planning a road trip with friends and we’ll go close back to where Ambrose is…was. I noticed it wasn’t even marked on maps anymore” you explained and your mother hummed

“Then you got your answer. Ambrose must be gone.” she said “Like the brothers you used to love so much” she replied and sent you another look, as you glanced down at your lap, in shame.

You should have known better than to talk about Ambrose to your mother. The woman had always wanted to pretend it had been a terrible nightmare.

“Mom…” you whispered

“I’ve never understood why you were so fond of them. Your dad either. They were a terrible influence on you. I’m happy you decided to burn the bridges with them and that you never went back to Ambrose. There was nothing for you there. And those people were troublesome and violent and… freaks. You deserved way better than them.” she continued and you resisted the urge to take their defence. They weren’t freaks, they were… a great part of your life and now a great hole inside your chest. “What was their name again?” your mother asked.

“Sinclairs” you instantly replied before biting your tongue

“Ah yes. Well, I’m glad you didn’t become one” she continued and you frowned at that.

“What do you mean, mom?” you wondered with a tilt of your head

“The eldest one, when he came back to Ambrose after his mother died and that he was sent away for a few months, and before his dad died that same day, he looked for you. He knocked at our door. Thank God you were away with your dad then. I told him to go away and he assured me that he would never go away from you, and that you would become his wife one day too.”

“His… wife” you whispered, your heart aching.

Bo was indeed often speaking about marrying you and sharing you with his brothers, but you always thought there were only words; the Sinclairs never really planned out their future. Bo was too obsessed with cars and getting free from his family to care about anything else. Vincent was too focused on his art. Lester was just a lost kid wandering into the woods late at night. You hadn’t thought they were actually seeing you as their future. You always appeased Bo, you always brought Vincent back to reality, you always helped Lester feel like he was part of something.

“To be honest” your mom resumed and your attention went back on her “with the amount of time you were spending with him and his brothers, I was really worried you would agree on doing something that stupid. And even though you left Ambrose heartbroken and sobbing, I’m happy something happened between you, him and his twin, that day. I don’t know what it is, but I knew it convinced you to leave.” she continued and you didn’t answer. The memory of that day was still burning you to the core.

You had been so happy so see Bo and later on, Vincent. You had run into their arms and they had hugged you with fierce love. You were all planning on getting Lester back too. 

And then, Bo killed his dad and Vincent told you he was going to continue the House of Wax, the way his mother always did. You knew about the murders, you knew people were beneath the wax, but you never said anything because you loved the boys. And despite how an awful mother Trudy was, she liked you. You were a girl, and she could finally chat around with what looked like a daughter to her. Victor was also a little more careful around you. You were loved by the Sinclairs, and they couldn’t explain it; it just happened.

But their love was dark and violent, and you couldn’t agree to live like that; you couldn’t stay in Ambrose when everything was dying around and you couldn’t live from murders. You promised yourself to never betray your boys, but at the same time, you left with your parents without a goodbye. You knew that if you decided to go see the twins one last time, they would convince you to stay and it couldn’t happen. You never recovered from the fact you didn’t see Lester again before leaving and you hoped Bo had been able to bring him back home. You were certain he did though, because his people were the only thing that mattered to him.

You were about to leave the kitchen when your mother called your name and you turned around, with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her what she wanted.

“Do me a favour and stay away from Ambrose during your little road trip, okay?” she said with a hint of concern in her voice

“You said yourself that there is nothing there anymore anyways” you replied, a little bit surprised by your mother’s attitude

“I know but… I don’t want you to tempt the devil” she replied and you only found yourself nodding. 

You wondered if by the devil she meant Bo.

Bo knelt in front of a woman he just killed. She was the last one of the group and he was glad about it because he felt quite tired now. It was too hot today to play hide and seek with assholes. At least, the night was already casting its shadows around Ambrose and bringing with it a little bit of fresh air. Bo looked down at the woman, tilting his head to the side as he watched the pretty necklace she had around her neck. It was slightly covered in blood but he was pretty sure he could wash it without trouble. It looked expensive; he was certain the glitter coming from beneath the blood was a little diamond. He took it off her body without a care and pocketed it before Vincent could use this jewel on his next wax statue.

“Y/N would’ve liked it” Bo hummed to himself before sadly sighting. His throat tightened as always when he was saying your name out loud.

Whenever he was spotting something that reminded him of you, he was always grabbing it and putting it away, in a box filled with gifts for you. He never stopped hoping that one day he would be able to give you this box. You would realise how much you were loved then; but so far it only happened in his dreams. And yet, he was thinking about you everyday of his life and he still believed you would come back home one day. He was certain you were meant to be a Sinclair; even his parents were liking you so it had to mean something. He missed you so much, he missed your laugh and he missed the way you loved his brothers and himself. Ambrose was empty without you. Life had always been shit, but your absence was torture. He had thought that after a few years, the pain would subside, but it really didn’t. It often felt like it was actually growing up inside his chest. You left with a piece of themselves, you left with the only sun and happiness the boys truly felt. He knew his brothers were feeling the same, because everytime they were all eating together at night, the conversation always ended on what you became. And on why you never came back.

They could guess you were disapproving of the killing, but they couldn’t stand the idea that maybe you got scared of them. They couldn’t even say it out loud; you were the only thing they would never have hurt.

Bo sighted again as he grabbed the woman by her ankles and he started to pull her to the house. Vincent came upstairs when he heard a body being dragged on the floor and he helped his twin out. Vincent could tell by the look in Bo’s eyes that he was thinking about you. It was the only moment Bo was utterly silent too, lost in thoughts.

Vincent couldn’t blame him. He had hundreds of books filled with drawings of you. Whenever he thought that he would never hear your voice again, never feel your touch on his skin anymore, Vincent was drawing you. He was certain you existed that way, and he was certain he would never forget about what you looked like, even if he knew your figure and face were carved inside his chest and brain. You used to caress the bad side of his face and to remind him he was handsome, even in front of Trudy or Victor. You had never been afraid to show yourself with “the freak”. And his skin felt so dry and painful now your fingers hadn’t traced it in years.

The twins worked in utter silence and none of them felt hungry that night, so they went to bed earlier than usual. None of them slept actually, simply staring at the ceiling or at the wall, wondering where you were and if you were happy… without them. They wanted you to be happy as much as they wanted you to be miserable without them, because it was their only chance you would one day come back home.

Lester wasn’t better than the twins. And if Bo fucked with some girls, Lester just couldn’t even think about touching someone else than you. It felt wrong to him. He promised you he was yours and only yours after all. He had always enjoyed how a little bit possessive you were with the three of them. Lester wasn’t certain of a lot of things, but he knew he belonged to you. You had always loved them equally, giving them the love they were all craving so much.

You were always in Lester’s mind. He was always hoping to find you among a group of tourists, to be fair. He never stopped looking for you and hoping to see you again. You belonged to them too, so he couldn’t understand how you could live away from them. And he knew that if he ever found you again, he wouldn’t hesitate to lock you up somewhere if it meant keeping you by his side. Forever. 

And he was certain that the twins were thinking the same. They lost you once, they wouldn’t allow it to happen again.

But for that… he needed to find you first. 

And every morning and every night, he promised himself he would. Out of the three, he was the one who was the most certain he could get you back home, no matter if you wanted it or not. You were his little goddess, so he was certain that at some point you would come close to Ambrose again… and he would stumble upon you… and he would get you home. You would become the divinity of Ambrose once again, and everything would be alright.

One day, luck seemed to be on his side.

The closer you drove to Ambrose, the more you recognised the roads. Your mother’s words never stopped echoing inside your head and at some point, you turned the wheel so you wouldn't get too close to the place. A part of you wanted to drive right back to it; you even felt a little pang when you took the opposite path. You wanted to be back home more than anything, but you were too afraid of what would await you there. You even believed that the twins would be so mad at you, they would kill you and turn you into a wax statue so you couldn’t leave anymore without saying goodbye.

You found a little campsite and you all decided to spend the evening and night there. You forced yourself to focus on your people so you could forget about the Sinclairs. Another part of you was begging you to leave this place and to drive as far as possible away from Ambrose. You had no idea which parts of you were stronger.

You realised you didn’t have enough food for tonight so you and another girl took the car to find a shop nearby. It was late so a lot of them were close and you had to admit, you shivered in fear when your friend showed you the only store open 24/7 in the area. It was very close to Ambrose; little did you know that it was actually the town Lester was living in. You tried to not show anything as you drove to the store. You crossed your fingers to not run into any of the Sinclairs before you thought how stupid this was. The boys wouldn’t be there, and they might even be dead because of their way of life. And you were a lucky girl, something like that couldn’t happen to you.

Even if something inside of you was bubbling in excitement and hope.

As you entered the store, a man was leaving it. He moved to the side to let you come in and as you were about to thank him, your eyes met his and widened.

Lester.

You tried to move past him, hoping he wouldn’t have recognised you or that he would hate you enough to let you go easily. But you were a fool. He instantly grabbed your wrist as he whispered your name, bringing you back to him. He was in trance. He couldn’t believe the day finally came. Your friend frowned, wondering what was going on. She placed an arm around your shoulder to show you support

“Can you let go of her, buddy?” she calmly said and Lester instantly obeyed, not wanting to cause a scene. He put his hands in front of him in defence.

“Sorry. Hi, Y/N, ‘s been a long time” he hummed, looking for your eyes.

“Hi, Les. Sorry, but we’re a bit in a hurry here, we’ll chat another time, hmm?” you said, hoping to get out of this discussion as fast as possible. Goosebumps littered his skin at the sound of your voice calling him by his nickname.

You were surprised when Lester simply smiled and nodded. You noticed his grin didn’t reach his eyes though and you suppressed a shiver. You knew you were in trouble, especially with him letting you go so easily. Even more when he cheerfully said as you turned your back to him “See you soon, darl”

Lester settled in his truck and waited for you and your friend to get out of the store. He dialled his big brother’s number with a light in his eyes. It was the first time in so long he felt like he was finally alive. He was certain things were finally going to be good.

“‘S up, Les?” Bo hummed at the other side of the line, always answering his phone very fast whenever his brothers needed him

“She’s here.” Lester simply said because he was too happy and excited to say anything else.

“What are ya talkin’ ‘bout, kid?” Bo asked, not wanting to get some false hope.

“Y/N. She’s at the store. She’s with a friend. Gonna follow them, I’ll send ya their location… And we’ll bring her home tonight”

It was a promise.

And a threat.

--

Taglist : @lacychick ; @magical-sass ; @limehaspassed ; @loveinglymessedup ; @bloodmoon-bites ; @iwantsleepplz ; @kawaistrawberry21

--

PART II

[cinnamonbear22]

oblivious love (c.s x reader)

chapter one

disclaimer!

yall i know they’re sober okay it’s just for the story, i have like seven chapters of this written up n i just wanted to see how one part would do so far :) i might not get everything accurate but it is just a story so don’t come for me ! plz!

tw

fem!reader, fluff, substance use

"did you want to stop anywhere else before we go?" nick turned to me as my bags were clustered together on my arms as he only had a few.

"i think im okay" i looked down at my purchases, not even remembering what i had bought within the last previous hours since i had just fully splurged without a second thought.

"i think so too" nick chuckled and pulled out his phone while we stood on the busy strip of shops and restaurants. "let me get an uber and we'll head back" he didn't look up from his phone as he spoke, his hair gently blew in the wind that had a hint of sea salt lingering behind it.

i felt exhausted. i had a busy day out with nick. we went to the beach, went shopping, ate dinner, basically spending our whole day together. but this wasn't even the most busy day i had within the last two weeks with them.

the sturniolo family and mine had grew up together for as long as i could remember, in fact, me and the triplets were only born a week or two apart. my mom and their mom were childhood best friends since seventh grade, so they had also grew up together as well. they’ve always had plans as little girls to have babies around the same time so they could through motherhood together. it was always a childhood fantasy until it had actually happened, and ever since i could recall me and the triplets have never been separated… up until they had moved out of our hometown and to los angeles. they had often come to visit, but unfortunately they were extremely busy now than ever since the fame had rapidly taken over.

but they had spoiled me and flew me out for three weeks with them after not seeing them for six months. it was an unexpected present they had sent me and watched me open it over facetime. and i'll never forget their and even my own reaction.

i was about a week and a half into my trip, and already i've been extremely spoiled and so nicely treated by them. it was nothing new, when we were younger they had always treated me like a princess and the princess treatment still carried over twenty years later.

after about five minutes our uber pulled up to the curb we were waiting at, and we carefully slid in with all of our items. we talked quietly amongst ourselves, both of us feeling extremely dreary from our long day out. "we should deliver ice cream or something" my eyes lazily scanned the crowded ice cream stand as we drove by it.

"you said you were full after dinner" nick averted his gaze from looking out his window and looked down at me, laughing softly.

"ice cream sound amazing though right?" i cocked a brow, knowing i am going to order the ice cream with or without him.

"you're right" he sighed in defeat, rubbing his mouth in a contemplative way. me and nick were always the closest out of the three. i loved them all with my entire heart, but nick was truly my best friend. we would be able to sit in silence for hours just comfortable with each other's presence, hanging out for hours on end and being able to talk about absolutely everything. "what are you going to wear to that party tomorrow?" he broke me out of my daydream as the roads became more familiar as we got closer to their home.

"i think that little black dress i bought would be nice, no?" i turned to him, sort of thinking about the idea.

"you can never go wrong with that" he agreed. "i'll wear all black with you if you end up wearing that" he offered, making me laugh a bit.

"that would be great" i said wittily, my dreary head shifted its way onto his shoulder. "i'm a little nervous for the party"

"how come?" he pursed his lips, his eyes now shifting down to connect with mine.

"well i wouldn't know anyone besides you guys" the uber stopped in front of the house so we can be let off. we politely thanked him before shuffling out, grabbing all of my bags with me.

"well, you don't need to know anyone else but us" nick reassured with a little smile as he began to punch in the gate code.

"i wouldn't want to be annoying though and just leech off of you guys the entire time" the gate opened and we started to walk through, quickly the front door swung open.

"trust me you aren't annoying anybody here (y/n)," nick continued to reassure me as my eyes watched matt slightly jog down the front porch steps and to us.

"why didn't you help her with her bags?" matt looked at nick and nick quickly defended himself from his brother.

"i tried to, but she wouldn't let me" nick locked the gate back up as matt grabbed some of the bags off my arms without even asking me.

"i could've carried them myself" i looked up at him with a smile.

"you looked like you were struggling on your way up" he didn't even look at me before taking the lead and walking back inside, me and nick following him. nick side eyed me behind matt's back with his lips curled into a scoff, making me slightly giggle.

"did you guys eat yet?" matt asked as i made my way to the guest room that was tucked away within the first floor.

"yes" i heard nicks footsteps go up the stairs and my other bags that matt was holding rustling behind me as i made my way to my room for the time being.

once i was in my room i set my bags down and sat down on the bed, watching matt set down everything else. "thank you" i reached down and began to untie my shoes, ready to get into my pajamas after the long day.

"of course" he smiled gently and looked at me for a few long seconds before speaking again. "chris was looking for you all day today" matt rubbed his eyes with a slight smile.

"really?" my brows furrowed together but i couldn't help that i was a bit excited from hearing that. the name 'chris' even has me in a chokehold. we all grew up together, we grew up the same way, we all seen each other just as frequently as the other, besides nick, who i was inevitably closer with and hungout much more one on one, but even ever since we were little kids, me and chris's bond has always been slightly different, and everyone would be able to tell that no matter who you are. but i would never let myself act on those different feelings. i never wanted the ruin the dynamic between all of us.

"mhm," matt hummed, making his way to the door. "let me know if you need anything" he shut it behind him as i stared down at my feet for a moment.

i pushed myself off my bed and made my way towards the bathroom that was connected to the guest room and began to do my nightly routine, thinking about what matt had said but not taking it too far into consideration. i put my glasses on as the last step of my routine and quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas, plaid fleece bottoms and a little tank top.

i slipped on my beige slippers and grabbed my phone before heading to nicks room, but before i could even open my door three knocks startled me. "can i come in?" chris's voice was muffled on the other side of the door. i opened the door which he seemed surprised, his eyes were extremely droopy, his hair was messy, his pajama bottoms sagged slightly revealing his boxers and he didn't have a shirt on. "oh..." he took a step back. i smiled and moved out of the way, giving him entrance into my temporary bedroom. "where have you been all day?" he asked, launching himself onto my bed and instantly cuddling up in the blankets.

"i was out with nick, i told you that, but i guess it just turned into an all day thing" i turned around and looked at him, and now that he was in the light i could see his eyes were a bit pink as well. "are you only coming to me because you just smoked?" i still stood and watched him as he got comfortable.

"no, no, no" his droopy eyes quickly went wide and he sat up, "i missed you today that's all, and i just happened to smoke. coincidence"

"got it" i couldn't help but smile at him and i made my way towards the edge of the bed, keeping our distance although i felt my skin on fire. i wish that the feelings would go away, but after several years they never had.

"you got a little sunburn on your cheeks" he reached his hand up and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek.

"is it bad?" i pulled myself away from his hand and touched it with my own, feeling the slightly irritated skin. i didn't even notice it in the bathroom.

"no, not at all" his tired eyes locked with mine. "it's cute" he grinned, making me smile too. he knew what he was doing. i felt like he had known i had a crush on him, but sometimes i think he's completely oblivious to it. i am sort of hoping he's more on the oblivious side.

it wasn't unnoticed that i would get a little more nervous whenever he was around, a little more aware. with matt and nick i was fine but with chris, even though i knew i could be myself around him, i still felt a small edge.

"do you really think so" i said sarcastically and put my hand under my chin, posing my face so he could see all sides.

"i really do" he chuckled, putting his hands behind his head now as he laid back down. the soft light in my room prominently brought out his light muscle tone along his strong facial features. "what are you going to wear to the party?" he asked me, referring to tomorrow.

"i bought a little black dress today" i looked behind me at the plethora of bags scattered around my room.

"that's always a classic" he nodded, the corners of his lips upturned.

"i spent so much money..." i sighed, still looking at the bags.

"did you use my card like i told you to?" he asked, now propping himself up on his elbow.

"as guilty as i am, i did" i scratched the back of my head and looked at him, his face washed over with excitement.

"well technically..." he now had deceitful look in his eyes, making my stomach churn. "i bought all these clothes so you have to give me a haul"

"you want a haul?" i couldn't help but to giggle a bit.

"please" his icy blue eyes looked up at me as i began to stand up, sending chills through every part of my body. "especially the victoria secret bag, i want a try on haul"

"cut it out" i turned my head to him as he was smirking at his little remark. "thank you by the way, you seriously did not have to give me any money"

"i wanted to" he watched me carefully now as i picked up all the bags and set them down on the bed. "so what did you get?" he sat himself up now and leaned against the headboard. "show me the dress"

i shuffled and dug around into some bags until i found the dress, his face immediately dropped as soon as i pulled it out. "what? is it ugly?" i was taken aback from his reaction.

"no not at all" he was looking between me and the dress. "it's just that..." he hesitated before speaking making me more nervous.

"just say it! am i too big for this dress? will it not compliment me?" i started to panic now, of course my thoughts quickly spiraling. that was nothing new to me.

"no! absolutely not!" he jumped up in quick defense, still looking at the dress. "it just looks like the size of a t-shirt…" he mumbled so softly, making me laugh that all the anticipation was for nothing. "it's not funny, it's too short" he started to laugh along with me, snatching the luxurious dress away from my hands. "are you sure this says dress on it? are you sure you didn't get it in the shirt section?" he started to look at it closely now, looking at the tags and everything. "it's so silky" he started to rub it against his face like a child with a blanket. "this is silk right?"

"stop it" i took it back from him with a smile, his eyes were still somewhat in a trance on the dress. "yes it is"

"i'll have to keep an eye on you all night if you wear that" he huffed, running his fingers through his hair. "are you going to wear like," his gaze averted up to my eyes, and i held it strongly. "wear a jacket..? like one that goes to the floor and you just button it up all the way and the dress underneath it so technically you're still wearing it out"

"i'm in los angeles, i didn't think i needed a jacket" i scoffed, neatly laying the dress across the desk chair that was in the room. he looked like he was in deep thought now. he licked his lips and wiped his mouth, all of his subconscious habits coming into play. i was now standing at the foot of my bed as he looked contemplated, but i was ready to go into more of the haul.

"nick let you buy that dress? for how short it is?" his pink eyes looked me up and down making me tense.

"christopher" i snapped at him, shooting my eyes up to meet his. "it's not that short"

"what shoes are you wearing?" he asked. he crossed his arms in such a graceful manner, accentuating his chest.

"i was just going to show you" i dug into another bag and pulled out a shoe box. inside the box revealed gorgeous, sleek, simple, shiny black stiletto heels. "what do you think?"

"i think that maybe with those on you'll look a normal height" he snarked, earning glare.

"seriously?" i cocked my head to the side, challenging him to see if he'd go any further.

"sorry" he pressed his lips together to try and mask his smile. "all i know is that you're definitely going to be the center of attention"

"yeah right" i put the heels back in the box and had also set them down by my dress. "im not going to know anyone there besides you guys, ill be following you guys around like a lost puppy" i retorted, moving some of the bags aside on my bed and sitting back down.

"there's no issue with that" he seemed a bit relieved taking in the fact that i would be near him all night. "i would be glad to accompany you to this party" he bowed his head like a prince would and spoke in an extremely formal accent, earning a small laugh. "i'll wear all black too"

"i think nick already is" i remembered him saying something about that in the uber.

"but i want to match with you though" he slightly whined and pouted like a child.

"well that has to be arranged between you guys" i put my hands up in defense and his eyes seemed to drift from mine and fixate my chest area. "what are you doing?" i covered my chest with my hands, watching his eyes carefully.

"i was looking at your necklace" he scoffed, and i quickly set my arms back down.

"oh" i giggled lightly and scooted a bit closer to him. "do you like it?" i asked him as his fingers gently brushed against my chest, and he held the small gold lion pendant.

"i do" he looked up softly at me. "did your boyfriend back at home get it for you?"

"you're such a dick" i slapped his arm away and a smile slowly crept up on his face. "me and that guy dated for a month, he cheated on me anyway, you know this..." i felt humiliated. "why do you still tease me for it?"

"because i told you he was a walking red flag" chris leaned back against the headboard, crossing his arms like how he had them before.

"please forgive me for being young and naive" i said in a snide tone, shaking my head. "what about you?" i asked him with a stern tone.

"what?" he cocked a brow.

"have you been with anyone within the last two years?" i asked him, sort of hoping the answer would only go one way.

"absolutely not" he shook his head, still holding eye contact with me. "(y/n) you would've known"

"well," i placed my hands in my lap. "do you have any interest in anyone? you've had to have met so many people in l.a."

"why are you asking me these questions?" his face began to hue a pink, just like his eyes. it gave me a small ego boost, seeing that i could also make him nervous.

"what? you can bust my balls all you want but i can't?" i teased him and he bit his lip nervously.

"she's going to be at the party tomorrow" he said, making my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. i always set myself up to self sabotage, but it's better for me to find out from him than anyone else.

"yeah?" i kept a smile on my face, staying strong.

"mhm" he hummed, licking his lips and keeping his gaze in my eyes. a small bit of tension built up in the room and i felt like it was my fault.

"then you better not match with me because she might take it the wrong way" i anxiously began to fidget with the rings on my fingers.

"no, she better like it" he quickly came back making me a little confused but still a bit dejected.

"you're bold christopher" i slightly tilted my head to the side, taking in his dominate tone.

"i really wish i was" he sighed and stared at me with a slight look of regret in his eyes. it was a little off putting since it was hard to read him in this moment, the tension now flooded the room and it felt like i was drowning in it.

"then why aren't you?" i pushed him a little further.

"because i'm scared" he still looked strongly at me.

"scared of what?" my fingers made their way back to fidgeting with my rings. the vibe in this room was so off putting yet i still feel extremely relaxed with chris.

"rejection" his eyes became even more droopier as he spoke. "commitment"

"chris you know you could have any girl that you want" i couldn't help but to laugh a tiny bit, chris, scared of rejection? seriously? i understand commitment, he's always had an issue with that.

"there's only one i want" he held his pointer finger up in my face, indicating the number one.

"well," i softly pushed his large hand away from my face, but he ended up resting it in my lap on top of my hands lazily. "why not make your move at the party tomorrow? you said she'd be there right?" his hand started to feel all the rings on my finger, sending shivers down my spine with how gentle he's being.

"i will" he stared at our hands mingling, looking deep in thought. "you mess with your rings a lot, even the other day in the restaurant when you were ordering when we all went out to eat"

"i guess it's a nervous habit" i tried to pull my hand out of his soft grip, but he harshly grabbed it back.

"i wasn't done looking yet" he didn't even look up at me, just softly held my hands with his one.

"i think you're just trying to hold my hands" i grinned and looked up at him, and his eyes returned back to mine.

"so what?" his head lazily tilted to the side. "is it okay?" i nodded and watched his every move. "just like when we were younger" he chuckled to himself.

"i know" i sighed, laughing at the memories. "you did not let go of my hand when you were a toddler" he reached his other hand over now and started to play with both my hands. "i was dragged along everywhere with you"

"you wear so many rings" he held up my wrist to his face, inevitably pulling me in closer to him. "you don't like being dragged along with me?" his voice became tired now, but it was even more attractive.

"what more could i want in life?" i retorted, earning a small, sleepy evil eye from him. "you look so tired"

"im tired of you" he said scornfully, causing me to withdraw my hands from him and lean back with fake shock.

"you're extremely sassy tonight" i gave him a fake sad look and his face softened.

"i didn't mean it, come on" he quickly reached over and grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him and quickly engulfing me into a big hug. "you know you're my favorite person" he mumbled into my hair as i laughed at the sudden movements, being a bit taken back.

"you're my favorite boy ever" i told him, and i couldn't help but to wrap my arms around him as well. i was so happy to be in l.a. with all of them again. ever since they've been moving around back and forth i always felt a little empty without them in my hometown. i know that they were always one call away, but it would never be the same than me riding my bike to their house like i did when i was young, knowing i could go to them whenever i needed to.

"what about nick?" chris didn't let me go, but i wasn't upset about it. his hugs were always my favorite.

"that's our secret then" i pulled away from him as his arms still lingered around my middle, and we sat there just staring at each other for a moment.

"can we have a sleepover?" he asked, excitement filled his tired eyes.

"i guess" i laughed a little, my hands subconsciously rubbed his arm that was resting on me. ever since we were children chris has always been touchy with me, never in a weird way, so i never really accounted on that for a yes or no confirmation if he had similar feelings for me or not.

"hooray" he geek-ily smiled at me, earning a little laugh. "we haven't had a sleepover since sixth grade"

"i don't know what you're talking about, i was practically at your house every weekend in high school sleeping over" i cocked my brow, taking my hand away from his arm.

"yeah but you were always with nick" he rubbed his eyes with one of his hands, the other still loosely holding me.

"we're you jealous?" i teased him, but he just rolled his eyes.

"really?" he said in a dull tone, his eyes looking like they were trying to fight awake.

"i'm teasing you" i couldn't help but to feel the sleepiness as well.

"tell me about it" he groaned, covering his eyes with both his hands now and he looked up at the ceiling.

i giggled a little and swung my legs over the mattress, and started to move off all the rest of my bags off the bed that i hadn't shown him yet. "aren't you going to show me everything?"

"tomorrow, i'm tired" i set down all my bags on the floor and tossed him the television remote. "turn something on" he caught it with ease and i made my way to the light switch.

the only light that filled the room now was the t.v. and the moon spilling in from outside. it was such a calming scene, especially with chris in the room. as nervous as he made me he will always, always put me at ease.

i crawled into my bed, keeping as much distance as i could from chris. i didn't want to seem like i was pushing it at all, or annoying him in anyway. i pulled the blanket up to my chin, tucking myself in next time him, grabbing hold of the teddy bear that was gifted to me several years ago from the triplets and hugging it to my chest. "you still have that?" chris's groggy voice was close to me now.

"of course" my eyes focused on the t.v., seeing he had put on some movie. i wasn't sure what it was though. i was too tired to care right now.

"you took it with you on your trip?" he still sat up against the headboard, slouching a little as he looked down at me.

"it's like my security blanket" i looked up at him, his face being dimly lit by the television.

"awe that's adorable" he cooed at me, a slight pout formed on my lips. "why don't you hold me like that?" at this point he had to be taunting me.

"i don't think you're a teddy bear" my fingers laced in the teddy bears slightly matted fur.

"let me me be your teddy bear" he sang to me in his sleepy voice, referring to the elvis song.

"oh my goodness" my face was flush, but im sure the sunburn covered it up.

"please" he begged, pouting his lip out and widening his eyes like a puppy. i knew he was just high, and he probably wouldn't mention any of this in the morning, but it was also just how our dynamic worked.

"c'mere" i set my teddy aside freeing the space and opened up my arms to welcome him.

"yes" he said joyful to himself, quickly shifting himself on top of me. i grunted a little at the weight, since he plopped himself on me without any hesitation.

i wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him slightly as he got comfortable with his head on my chest. his fluffy hair tickled my face and i gently pushed it away with my fingers. "you're such a baby" my fingertips softly traced along his back, my eyes shifted to the screen.

"remember in middle school at that one little party we went to" he murmured into my skin, his hot breath against me made my hair standup.

"not really" one of my hands began to play with his soft hair. "that was so long ago, how do you even remember middle school"

"i don't know" he mumbled.

"why?" i was talking softly now.

"i remember it was the first girl-boy party we ever went to and how exciting it was" he rambled with slurred words here and there. "and we played spin the bottle remember?"

"sort of..?" i tried to dig deep into the memory but it wasn't really anywhere to be found.

"it was your turn and you were so nervous" he chuckled lowly, but i was still confused to the point he was trying to make. "but it landed on me"

the embarrassing memory instantly came back.

"oh god" i sighed, rolling my eyes a little at the story. "why are bringing this up?"

"i don't know i just remembered it" i could tell he was lying. i didn't want to push the conversation further. "was i a bad kisser? is that why you don't remember?"

"christopher..!" i whisper yelled at him, taking my hands out of his hair and off him and tried to push his shoulders off me but he didn't budge. he probably had felt the heat radiating off my body from how embarrassed i was.

"what?" he chuckled slightly at my reaction, resisting to move off of me. "put your hand back in my hair please" he mumbled but i didn't listen to him. "please, it feels so good" he whined wearily, my heart began to pick up at the choice of words he used. "remember when you used to do my hair as a kid"

"why do you remember so much?" i put my hands back in his hair, softly pressing my nails into his scalp and lacing my fingers through his locks.

"god, i don't know but i just love this feeling" he groaned, nestling more in my chest. "i missed you" he blurted out, his eyes shut all the way now. he talks so much, i wouldn't doubt that he sleep-talks as well. but i never ever minded it. the way he could change the subject and talk to people and never make it awkward was just such a strong quality of his. "i miss being at home and you're so close to me-" he cut himself off quickly. "well i meant us"

"i missed you too chris" i let my eyes fall since they were fighting to stay awake at this point. "a lot"

he continued to talk, but it was hard for me to process what he was saying. he was slurring and mumbling, and i was drifting in and out of consciousness, responding to him with only 'mhm's and 'yeah's. but his voice was lulling me to sleep, so i didn't mind. i would never mind moments like this.

[gerec]

dofp fics that have a happy ending for cherik?

Most of these fics take place post-DOFP or they are DOFP fix-its / AUs. They are all excellent and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did, Anon!

fathers and sons by M_Leigh

“I have an – interest – in Peter Maximoff,” Erik said, somewhat grudgingly, glaring. “A – familial – interest –”

Everybody stared at him.

“In that – mutantkind is one – large – family –” Erik said valiantly, if pathetically. 

“Oh, shit,” Alex said. “No way. No way.”

This far but no further by niniblack

“Lorna, this is Erik. Can you say hi?”

Lorna peeks out at him and mumbles, “Hi.”

“She’s cute,” Erik comments.

I know, Charles thinks. She looks like you.

Or: the one where Charles doesn’t tell Erik that joining the mile high club resulted in a baby.

Jail Break by blarfkey (Come Together series)

It's totally normal in Suburban America for the dad to pick up his rebellious teenager from jail, right? Even when it's the Pentagon instead of the local police station, and your dad is a Mutant Supremacist Assassin and America's Most Wanted who didn't post bail so much as murdered all the guards?

Whatever. Peter will take what he can get at this point, even if it means the most painfully awkward road trip in the history of the universe.

Thou Shalt Not Eat Stones by valancysnaith

Two months after Washington, Raven found Erik in a skeevy motel off the Florida interstate.

“They have Charles, Erik,” she said.

The bedframe shrieked. In the bathroom, the showerhead snapped in half and clattered into the tub.

Through the Barricades by starandrea (Through the Barricades series)

Erik and Charles learned to live without each other once. It's harder the second time--so before they even discuss it, they've decided not to try. (Erik accidentally moves into the mansion without anyone but Charles noticing for days. He may be the first to return, but he won't be the last.)

Hope by daymarket

A near-decade of hatred can't be wiped out with a single summer, no matter how eventful that summer might be. When Erik shows up uninvited at the mansion, Charles is just barely civil enough to not throw him out, but that doesn't mean he'll let him stay.

All our past times by aesc

In 1976, three years after D.C. and Trask, Erik returns to Charles's estate for the first time. What he's looking for, he doesn't entirely know, and doesn't know if he wants to find it.

Shalom Malakh by ZairaA

When death catches up with Erik a year after the Sentinel disaster, he only has one regret: never having found a way to bridge the gap and reconcile with Charles. But death is not the end of the journey, and Erik is put right in the path of his old friend once more.

  “Okay. Let’s say I bite. Who is the hapless idiot then? The one I'm supposed to look after?”

The woman smirked. “Oh, I’m certain you'll know it once you see him.”

Always Pass on Good Advice by cygnaut

Charles realizes there’s only one person who can talk Erik out of his terrible plans: himself.

Other Futures Than These by midrashic (A Timeline of the Impossible series)

In which Cuba doesn't break them apart, but that doesn't mean that their futures are tied together. (Except that it does.)

A Days of Future Past AU where only one person can defeat the Sentinels and save the future: the man whose imprisonment and torture created them, and Charles Xavier's ex.

The Spaces Between by mainecoon76

Almost a year after Washington, Erik is working on his own to find out what became of the Sentinel research. He keeps to himself and likes it that way. But when a mutant assassin tries to murder Charles, he finds himself reluctantly drawn into an adventure that involves a dangerous plot, Charles' own agenda, a complicated relationship, and holiday celebrations at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

the pain will remind us of each other by borninsideatornado

It’s always felt alien, the way he feels about Erik. Too big for his body, too much to hold in his heart. But finally, finally, it makes sense.

Because at the end of the world, it’s him. It’s always going to be him. —

when logan lets charles see his future in days of future past, he talks to erik instead.

From Yesterday by AzarDarkstar

He stands on the edge of tomorrow but always lives today.

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: this one actively broke my heart while writing it and i hope i did the topic justice. title came from a song on @pyotrkochetkov ‘s barzy playlist and i just knew i had to write something angsty for it. a bunch more happy and smutty long fics and headcanons are coming! seriously, let me know what you thought of this one - much heavier and angstier than i usually write 😬 ignore any inconsistencies, i’m not an expert on this particular medical procedure or professional hockey team travel

word count: 7k

tw: miscarriage, subsequent emotions

summary: on a mini trip to vancouver to watch andrei play, you suffer the worst loss of your life. andrei is your rock throughout the ordeal

Vancouver is a fun city - maybe not as fun as Raleigh or New York, but fun nevertheless - and you’re excited that part of the Canes’ Western road trip fell close to Thanksgiving weekend so you could join in for a bit of it without having to miss too much time at work. Part of your goal this season, your first married to Andrei, is to see him play in every arena. You’ve managed a few of the east coast arenas so far, but this is your first time out west. Nykki joined you too, so it’s like a mini-girls’ trip rolled into a ‘supporting our men’ trip.

The team’s there before you and Nykki get to Vancouver, having already played in Seattle two days before. It’s actually been slightly more than a week since you’ve seen Andrei in person and you miss him a lot. You’ve been with him for four years now, so you’re used to the travel and not seeing him for chunks of time, but this week feels extra hard. Luckily, after this little West Coast swing, Andrei will be home for a good chunk of time - the quirks of the NHL schedule are always insane to you.

You and Nykki get dinner before the game, discussing her wedding plans. It’s scheduled for early August, but time is already flying. You’re a bridesmaid, but you’ve been pushing off picking a dress, knowing that it’s not going to fit you by the time the wedding happens. Your fingers curl carefully against your stomach, hidden by the table and the bulk of your sweater, your little secret.

Butterflies roll in your stomach, excitement mingling with nerves, knowing that you’re going to tell Andrei the news after the game tonight. It’s so early in your marriage, and you’re definitely freaking out a little bit, but the idea of a little baby that looks like Andrei is enough to help the excitement win out.

“Martin wants to do Bali for the honeymoon,” Nykki tells you while you find your way to your seats. You bought tickets for the lower bowl, wanting to be in the middle of the crowd and all the excitement. The Canucks fans are already a little rowdy, with warmups halfway over. There’s a few Canes jerseys smattered through the crowd, but it’s certainly an uneven match.

You sip at your overly large Coke, your stomach turning a little. Dinner isn’t sitting right with you, but it’s manageable for now. “Bali’s nice, I mean, so I’ve heard. But what’s the weather like in August?”

Nykki points at you, her other fingers wrapped around her beer can. “That’s what I said! I thought it would be unbearably hot and humid, but apparently it’s gorgeous - 86 and barely any rain,” she grins. “I promised he could be in charge of the honeymoon, so I think we’re going to Bali.”

“Well,” you smirk back, “there are worse places to spend two weeks with your gorgeous NHL player husband, Nyk.”

She laughs and takes a sip of her beer, eyes twinkling. “You have a point there. How about you and Andrei? What are the big summer vacation plans?”

You pause, thinking of an answer because you’re anticipating having a newborn this summer, so a vacation isn’t likely to happen. Andrei’s been floating the idea of a mini European tour - hitting Rome and Paris for a few days each before heading to Russia for a little bit to visit family. But you haven’t really committed to plans since it’s only November and you have plenty of time. “We haven’t really talked about it,” you answer Nykki truthfully. “Drei’s been focused on the season and I’ve been busy with work. He doesn’t like to plan anything before the end of the regular season anyway.”

“Superstition,” Nykki sing-songs, putting her beer in the cup holder as she stands for the anthems. You get to your feet, pulling off your baseball hat and holding it over your heart, humming along with both anthems. You shift your weight from foot to foot, stretching out your lower back a little.

The puck drops and the game starts - Andrei’s almost immediately put in the penalty box, complaining and shouting at the ref the entire time he skates over. His hands fly in the air as he gestures, but his passion isn’t moving the ref at all and he takes his seat in the box, slumping down. You laugh, shaking your head affectionately. He’s a sweetheart off-ice, but on the ice, Andrei is a borderline criminal. He’s leading the team in penalty minutes and you’ve definitely heard plenty about how he doesn’t deserve it.

The game clock ticks down, Andrei’s released from the box and immediately scores on a breakaway. You and Nykki jump from your seats, screaming and cheering with the Canes up one to nothing. The Vancouver fans around you glare and chirp, but you and Nykki just laugh, giving back as good as you get.

It’s pure fun to be supporting the visiting team and you and Nykki thoroughly enjoy yourselves, dancing to the music and gossiping during TV timeouts and slower moments. Nykki gets another beer and you refill your soda, your stomach still acting up. The popcorn Nykki gets is too salty and you end up joining the crowd when they start throwing their own snacks at the refs. It’s a penalty called on the Canucks, which is good news for you, but the crowds enthusiasm is infectious.

The fans of the Canadian teams are definitely a little more intense and vocal with their displeasure with the refs, you’ve noticed. A particularly obscene chant breaks out when Brady dances around one of the Canucks’ defensemen to set up a powerplay goal for Brent Burns.

You and Nykki throw your arms up and cheer, screaming yourselves silly. Your stomach cramps a little and it puts a damper on the celebration and also serves as a reminder that you really need to see a GI doctor to determine if you’re actually lactose intolerant or if you have a gluten allergy. You grimace and sit back down, clenching your stomach a little, which seems to help. The rest of the second period flies by and the boys are up two to one.

The people around you start to shuffle off to get more food or go to the bathroom, now that the second intermission has started. You finish the rest of your soda and shift in your seat. Nykki looks over at you curiously. “You okay? You seem like you’re kind of uncomfortable,” she says, twisting her hair back into a ponytail.

“I’m fine,” you hum. “My back is killing me though. I must’ve tweaked it on the flight over.”

“You want an Advil?” Nykki’s already shaking around her purse and you can hear things rattling around.

“Let me go refill my drink, pee, and then yeah, I’ll take an Advil,” you reply, holding the reusable cup to your chest and getting out of your seat. Nykki pulls her knees to the side and you scoot past her, stopping when she makes a little noise. “What?”

“Babe, I think you need a tampon too,” she whispers, gesturing to the back of your jeans.

Your eyebrows draw together. You’re not getting your period anymore. “Tamp-?” The word catches in your throat and your eyes go wide. Your mind spins as the pieces start clicking into place and, as if to serve as the final kick in the ass sign, your lower stomach twists unpleasantly with a sharp cramp. Tears fill your eyes and you reach down to grab Nykki’s hand. “Um, surprise, I’m pregnant, but maybe see should go to the hospital or an urgent care?”

Half a dozen emotions cross Nykki’s face before it settles on shock, but all you can focus on now is the persistent cramping in your stomach. The cramping that’s been bothering you all day and you ignored, thinking nothing of it. God, you’re a terrible mother already.

“Okay, okay,” Nykki jumps to her feet, squeezing your fingers and dragging you out of the row and up the stairs to the main concourse. Her other hand is gripping her phone tightly and she’s jabbing at it with her thumb. “I’m calling an Uber. The hospital is like a ten minute drive.”

You nod, feeling numb as Nykki drags you along, your feet stumbling to keep up as you dart around the people waiting in lines for the bathroom and for food. How could your whole night - your whole life - have just taken a complete one-eighty in the matter of minutes. The cold Vancouver air hits your face like a slap, shocking some feeling back into your body. You wish it hadn’t.

The cramping is worse, the feeling between your legs - blood - like free bleeding during your period, but worse, so much worse.

Your stomach lurches and you rip your hand from Nykki’s grasp, bending at the waist and vomiting into a bush next to the entrance to the arena. “Oh, it’s going to be okay. Let it out,” Nykki’s voice is soothing and she rubs a hand in between your shoulder blades while your stomach seizes and you vomit again, spitting into the dirt.

Tears streak down your cheeks and your throat burns now. “I want Andrei,” you whisper, heart clenching with grief.

“Let’s get you to the hospital,” Nykki guides you towards the rideshare pick-up area, where a four-door sedan is already waiting. “I’ll get a hold of him somehow, but let’s take care of you first, okay?”

You let her bundle you into the backseat of the car and swallow back your tears, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes hard enough to see starbursts. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath, you try to calm down, you don’t know what’s happening for sure. Even though it feels very much like the end of something, you have to find a little piece of hope to keep yourself sane. The driver catches your eye in the rear view mirror as he pulls out of the arena parking lot, his mouth twisted down in a concerned frown even as his eyes are slightly judgmental. He’s driving you from a hockey game to a hospital - god knows what he’s thinking about you.

Nykki squeezes your knee and smiles gently at you, even as she’s typing on her phone with her other hand. “It’s still intermission, no one’s going to have their phone on them, but I’m trying to see if I can get through to one of the trainers or something. Just stay calm and we’ll figure it out,” she’s no-nonsense and you’re so grateful for her taking control of the situation.

Your lower back complains as the driver hits a pothole and another leak of fluid rushes between your legs. The drive is too long and too short all at once and before you know it, you’re being admitted to the Vancouver General Hospital emergency room and deposited on a bed, a curtain drawn around you. A nurse with warm, sympathetic eyes and a kind smile does your intake, her lips twisting to to side as you’re answering her questions.

“I just found out a few days ago,” you whisper, starting your fingers together. “I haven’t even told my husband.”

“Mrs. Svechnikov,” the nurse pats your arm comfortingly, “we really don’t know anything for sure until we get an ultrasound. Try not to put added stress on your body.”

You don’t even bother correcting her about your last name, the Russian name sounding strange in her Canadian accent. Nykki comes behind the curtain, clutching her phone. “There’s about ten minutes left in the third,” she says. “I can’t get ahold of anyone, but I’ll keep trying.”

“We’re going to get an OB down here and check everything out, okay?” The nurse says kindly, but brusquely, and then disappears back into the main emergency room. You roll your neck so your cheek is resting on your shoulder and a few tears leak out of your eyes.

“You didn’t leave any messages or anything for Andrei, right?” You ask. “I don’t want him to see and freak out.”

Nykki brushes your hair off your forehead and shakes her head. “No, I left a few messages for Martin to call me as soon as he could. I figure I’ll get to Andrei that way. Do you need anything?”

“Just Andrei,” you hiccup a sob, pressing a shaking hand to your mouth. Your other hand hovers over your stomach, afraid to touch it. The bleeding hasn’t stopped, so despite what the nurse said, you know it’s a miscarriage. Your stomach rolls and you press your lips together tightly so you don’t vomit.

“I’ll get him here as fast as I can,” Nykki reassures you. While you wait for the OB, she absently braids your hair back from your face, tying it off in an efficient, utilitarian French braid down your back. She talks as she works, trying to distract you, and you’re grateful for her efforts even if they don’t work. All you can think about is the little life that had been growing in you just a few hours ago. Your heart lurches painfully when you realize Andrei’s going to find out about the pregnancy and the loss all at once.

The OB is a middle-aged Black woman with a slight Canadian accent who introduces herself as Doctor Hayes and she doesn’t sugarcoat the news, which you appreciate. “I’m very sorry, Mrs. Svechnikov,” she sighs, looking very much like she hates this part of her job. “But you are actively miscarrying right now. We’re going to admit you overnight for monitoring and will reevaluate in the morning.”

Your entire body goes cold at her words and you grip Nykki’s hand - you hadn’t let her leave your side, terrified to be alone. A cramp rips through your lower body and you bite your lip hard enough to draw blood. “What-“ your voice is hoarse and you clear your throat, trying again, “what, um, are the next steps?”

Doctor Hayes rests her hands on the guard railing on your bed. “Well, we’ll have you on a hydration IV throughout the night while we monitor the miscarriage. There may be a need for a D and C, to make sure it’s complete and there’s no tissue left behind.” Your face blanches as she talks. “But all of that will depend on what happens tonight.”

“Thank you,” you murmur and she pats your hand gently, sympathetically, as she leaves. You can hear her giving the nurse instructions and you slump back against the pillows, completely drained.

Nykki checks her Apple Watch and grimaces. “It’s Martin. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Be gentle with Andrei, okay?” You reply, desperately wanting him at your side, but also wanting to protect him from this heartbreak a little longer.

She’s back in a few minutes, after the nurse has started you on an IV. “Martin’s going to bring him over,” she says, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t tell him why you were here, just that you started to not feel well during the second,” she says. “It sounded like Andrei was halfway out the door before Martin could finish his sentence.”

You nod faintly. That sounds like Andrei. “I hope they don’t get slammed by Rod for leaving…” You twist your wedding rings around your finger, the diamonds catching the fluorescent lighting.

“They won’t,” Nykki says firmly. “He’d have to be a real bastard to punish Andrei for coming to the hospital for you. Besides, someone should’ve been available to get Andrei here earlier! It’s ridiculous.”

“Let him have an extra hour of normalcy,” you sigh, shifting on the bed, sore and uncomfortable.

You’re moved into a private room and given a hospital gown that bares your entire back and ass. A giant pad that’s probably as big as a damn puppy pee pad is wedged in between your legs to contain the bleeding and the IV is tugging unpleasantly at your skin. Nykki’s waiting downstairs to bring Andrei directly to you and you hope he’s here soon because now that you’re alone, the reality of the situation is sinking in and your chest is starting to feel tight. You turn your head and try to bury your face in the pillow, but you catch a whiff of the lingering Tom Ford Lost Cherry perfume you’d applied earlier mixed with antiseptic and sterile hospital smell and your brain briefly registers that it’s a shame, because you really love this perfume and now you’ll never be able to wear it again. Your heart thumps painfully in your chest, a reminder that you’re losing more and more of your baby with each passing second.

You hear him before you see him, the pounding of his footsteps echoing through the hallways. He’s running down the hall, that much is clear, and when you look over at the door, you catch the blur of Andrei skipping completely past your room before he doubles back and skids to a stop in the doorway.

He looks terrible - hair still damp with sweat, the red mark across his forehead from his helmet is still prominent, and he looks like he got dressed in the dark - or an extreme hurry - in a pair of basketball shorts and his button down with the buttons done up all wrong. But it’s the look of complete panic in his eyes that scares you the most. Andrei never looks that panicked.

“Solnyshka,” he breathes, his shoulders dropping from around his ears. In three long strides he’s at your side, holding your hand, and you finally feel like you can breathe.

“Hi,” you whisper before bursting into tears.

“Hi,” he replies softly, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. His grip is almost painful, but you welcome it as you hiccup. “What’s going on, solnyshka?”

Insanely, the only words that come out of your mouth are, “your shirt is buttoned wrong.”

Andrei looks surprised, “what?” he asks absently as his gaze flickers down to his shirt. He shakes his head, “I rush. Solnyshka,” his voice is high and nervous, “what is going on? Neci didn’t know anything. Just that you’re here, in hospital.”

“I…Andrei, I’m so sorry,” the words rush out of your mouth on a flood of fresh tears. “I was pregnant and now I’m not. I lost the baby.”

You’re not even sure if Andrei can even understand you, you’re crying so hard. But one glance at his face and the completely shattered expression it wears, and you know he understood you. His fingers tighten around yours and he’s shaking his head, hair falling forward over his forehead.

“What? I don’t - a baby?” He rubs at his forehead with his other hand, eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “When did you - why didn’t -“

He can’t seem to get a full sentence out and it only makes you cry harder, your entire body hurting with the effort. You know what he’s asking though.

“Last week,” you manage. “The day after you left. I was going to tell you tonight, but…” You trail off, shrugging one shoulder.

Andrei’s head hangs, chin to chest, and he makes a little noise in the back of his throat. “I’m so sorry, milaya,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

The worst of your tears are drying up and you shake your head. “It’s not…I had Nyk. I hate that you had to find out like this. Baby and then no baby, all at once,” your voice cracks and you trace the little embroidered A.S. on his cuff, barely able to look at him.

Your husband sighs and drops his head so he can rest his forehead against yours. He smells like sweat and fear and Old Spice and your throat clogs with emotion again. “I thought…” he breathes. “I hear hospital and I think the worst. I thought the worst.”

This is the worst, you think. The worst possible thing. But you know what he means, that he thought something even more awful had happened to you, that he was worried he lost you because he didn’t know there was something else to lose.

Andrei’s lips brush against your cheek, soft and delicate, the rasp of his stubble a stark contrast. You sit like that, foreheads touching, for who knows how long. Andrei doesn’t cry, but his chest hitches and you think he might, maybe, when it all sinks in. You’re all cried out and now there’s just bone-deep exhaustion.

“i’m tired,” you murmur, the words getting lost between you.

Andrei nods against your forehead and pulls back, looking like it takes him a huge effort to sit back up. He cups your cheek and his thumb strokes a careful arc over your cheekbone. You lean into the familiar gesture, comforted. “Sleep, okay? I’ll…I have to call Rod. Get my stuff. I’ll take care of everything,” his voice is steady, but his eyes are clouded.

You nod, your eyelids already closing. Andrei gets up and brushes his lips over your forehead, murmuring that he loves you. Once he’s outside the room, you can hear him talking quietly to Nykki and Martin, but your grief and exhaustion pull you under before you can really concentrate on what he’s saying.

Sleep doesn’t last and you’re awake again after a few hours. You blink awake blearily, confused for a second before everything comes rushing back. Andrei’s scrunched up in a chair in the corner, his chin propped up on the palm of his hand, eyes shut. He changed in the time since he left, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt. His legs are kicked out in front of him, a pair of white sneakers on his feet. You don’t want to wake him, but when you shift, a sharp pain pierces your side and you gasp loudly before biting down hard on your tongue to muffle the noise. It doesn’t work and Andrei’s eyes fly open, his entire body jerking.

“Hey,” he’s at your side in a second, “what hurts? I call a nurse?” His accent is thick with sleep and worry.

You shake your head, the pain subsiding. “I’m fine.” And you are, the worst of the cramps are gone, leaving just a vague soreness and uncomfortable tightness in your chest and stomach. “You should’ve gone back to the hotel.”

“And leave you?” Andrei looks at you like you’re crazy. He shakes his head. “I got my bag and Nykki brought yours back. Do you want anything?”

“No,” you reach for his hand and lace your fingers together. “I just want to go home.”

He nods, looking exhausted. “Me too. I spoke to Rod, if you’re discharged later today then you come with us on the plane. If not, I stay and come home with you when you’re ready,” his lips quirk up at the corner when you start to protest. “Is decided, solnyshka. I’m not leaving your side.”

“But…” you trail off, all the arguments that you can think of fading when you realize that you don’t want to be separated from Andrei, not right now. “Okay,” you whisper.

“Good,” he chuckles under his breath. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“No arguments from me,” you reply dryly, rolling your head so your cheek is on the pillow and you can look directly at him. “Why don’t you try and sleep some more? I’m not going anywhere.”

His jaw tightens a bit. “Can’t sleep,” he replies, even though you had just seen him asleep. “If the doctor comes, I want to be awake.”

You nod again, sore and tired, and Andrei just sits with you quietly for a while before you think to ask, “how was the game?”

He snorts. “We won, but who cares?” It’s such an unexpected answer - Andrei’s never not cared about winning a game - and it startles you into silence.

A nurse comes in a few minutes later, saving you from having to find an answer. She introduces herself as Kayla and speaks in a soft, but firm tone. You’re starting to recognize the undercurrent of apology and sympathy in the nurses and doctors’ tones and you’re beginning to hate it. Andrei doesn’t let go of your hand while she checks your vitals and puts another bag of saline on the IV pole. “The OB will be in soon to do another ultrasound and see if you need a D and C,” Kayla says gently. “But everything else looks good. You won’t be staying another night and I would guess that you’ll be out of here by early afternoon at the latest, either way.”

You nod robotically, not really absorbing what she’s saying. By this afternoon, everything will be over and you’ll for sure, 100% not be pregnant anymore. It’s a gut punch, even though you knew this was coming. Andrei asks the nurse a few more questions before she leaves, but you don’t really listen, focusing on a small stain on a ceiling tile. It looks like nothing at all, just a blob of brown, but the more you stare at it, the more your vision unfocuses, the more it starts to look like one of those stereotypical ultrasound blobs.

You don’t even realize that you’re crying again until Andrei wipes the tears from your cheeks. “Try and sleep again,” he murmurs, chewing at the inside of his cheek. “I think you’ll need strength.”

“Can you get me some water?” You ask, running your hands over the braid Nykki had done. It’s so messy and it feels like she fixed it a million years ago, but it was only four or five hours. It feels like another lifetime, sitting in the arena and joking around with her. From halfway through second intermission to a hospital room at 2 a.m. Certainly not how you were picturing the end of your trip to Vancouver.

You think you must fall asleep again because the next thing you know, there’s sun coming through the window and Andrei’s at your side again, his large hand resting on the top of your head, cradling the crown. Unfamiliar doctors and nurses are in the room and they all speak to you and Andrei, but the only words you hear are “incomplete miscarriage” and “quick procedure” before you’re being shuffled off to an operating room. It all happens too fast for you to even be scared and the last thing you remember before the anesthesia is Andrei by your ear, whispering in Russian to you, the spicy scent of his deodorant filling your senses.

Andrei’s there again, when you wake up, eyes looking red and face drawn. You’re barely conscious, but the sigh of relief he exhales permeates the fog. His hand is warm in yours and you manage a weak smile at him. “Hey there handsome,” you croak and he laughs weakly. “Miss me?”

“You…” Andrei coughs, “I love you very much.”

“Love you,” your words slur a bit. “I wanna go home.”

“Soon, solnyshka,” Andrei promises, stroking your hair. “Soon.” He’s still stroking your hair when you fall asleep again.

When you wake up again, the overwhelming sense of emptiness is what you notice first. Then Andrei comes into focus again, his weight of his head resting on your leg, his hand on your hip. You’re not sure if he’s awake or not, but you gently run your fingers through his hair and he looks over at you, shifting.

“Hi,” he murmurs, dark circles under his eyes.

“Hi,” you rasp back, fingers still working through his hair.

“How do you feel?”

“Sore, tired,” you hesitate, “empty.”

“Yeah,” Andrei’s reply is barely an exhale. “Doctor said we can go, once they give you the all-clear.”

You nod, chewing at your lower lip. “Andrei,” you choke his name, the words coming out like broken glass, “we don’t have a baby anymore.”

“I know,” Andrei replies simply, sitting up all the way and leaning forward to gather you into his arms. You go to him easily, moving carefully and ignoring the pull of your protesting muscles, and bury your face against his chest. He’s in the same black t-shirt and he smells stale now, like he needs a shower desperately, but under that he just smells like Andrei, like home, and you cry into his chest, the fabric growing wet under your face. He just holds you, his arms a strong cage around your back, his hands running up and down your back. Everything in your body hurts, but nothing more than your heart.

Throughout the next few hours, when you’re given a clean bill of health, instructions to take it easy and abstain from sex or using a tampon for three weeks, and discharged, Andrei is a rock. He’s right at your side, helping you get dressed in the soft joggers you were using as pajama pants and an oversized hoodie. He laces up your sneakers for you and carries all the bags out to the waiting Uber. You were discharged in time to make the team flight home, but after hearing Andrei on the phone before the doctor came in for your exam, you kind of suspect that he may have pressed Rod to change the travel plans. You can’t even start to think about what he’s done for you, exhaustion seeping to your bones.

No one says anything to you when Andrei ushers you onto the plane, but Neci gives you a small smile and squeezes your hand when you walk past him. You return the smile, feeling awful that Nykki has to fly home on her own. She’s been texting, checking in on you, and you haven’t answered yet, too distracted to deal with even holding your phone. Andrei bundles you into a seat near the back of the plane and wraps his jacket around you.

“Thanks,” you say quietly, resting your head against his shoulder.

“Anything for you, solnyshka,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head. “Try and sleep, long flight. I have the pain pills, if you need, okay?”

You nod against his shoulder and wrap his jacket tighter around your body, tucking your hands up into the sleeves. Andrei rests his palm on your knee and before the plane even takes off, you’re asleep.

It’s a long flight back to Raleigh and you don’t sleep the entire way, but after a solid three hour nap, you wake up feeling better. Andrei’s asleep when you wake up, his head dropped back against the headrest, his mouth open slightly. He finally looks relaxed and peaceful and you’re grateful, so grateful, for him.

Your whole body still hurts, but your legs are starting the cramp up, so you carefully shimmy out of your seat to stretch in the aisle. Brady and Jarvy wave at you from a few rows up and you wave back, wondering what they know, if they know anything. No one really tries to talk to you, so you assume Andrei told them that you had some kind of medical emergency. Legs feeling better, you settle back into your seat, finally pulling out your phone and connecting to the in-flight wifi so you can text Nykki.

She reassures you that none of the other guys know what happened and that if you need anything when you’re back in Raleigh to let her know. You’re blessed to have such a good friend in her and you thank her, thinking that maybe in a few days you’ll see if she’ll bring Gigi over for some puppy cuddles.

Andrei wakes up about and hour before you land and he gulps back half of a water bottle before he even says anything. Then he tips his head close to yours and whispers, “how are you feeling? Any pain?”

“No,” you whisper back, “I’m okay. Just sore. It’s like being drained after a really bad period. I feel better after my nap.”

“Good,” he pushes the half-empty water bottle into your hands. “Drink.”

“Yes, sir,” you tease, the moment of lightness making you feel a little better. You sip at it slowly, starting to get a little nauseous. Andrei wraps his arm around your shoulder and you lean against him, drawing comfort from his solid warmth.

When you land, Andrei guides you off the plane, his palm reassuring against your lower back. It’s easy to let him take the lead and to not think about anything. He’s got both of your bags and you don’t even put up a fuss when he refuses to let you carry even your purse. You’re just too tired.

Andrei’s car is parked fairly close and you don’t have to walk very far. You lower yourself into the front seat of the Lamborghini, muttering, “I hate this car.” Your stomach gives a protest of pain from having to climb into the car.

“I know,” Andrei laughs a little, loosening up. His string of ugly sports cars is a long running topic of conversation. The last one was orange, the one before that a strange green. This one is electric purple and it’s hideous. His terrible taste in car colors is his only red flag. “Next one will be red.”

“Why couldn’t this one have been red?” You ask, breathing deeply to stave off the nausea. You sink back against the seat and Andrei pulls out of the parking spot. He’s driving must slower than usual and is taking extreme care with navigating the roads.

“This one was only 75 made,” he explains again. “It’s a collectors item.”

“It’s still ugly,” you tease, a smile playing at your lips.

He reaches over and takes your hand, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. “I love you so much, moya solnyshka, and I’m so…proud of your strength.”

Andrei doesn’t look at you when he says it, but his voice gets thick and he swallows roughly. He continues, “it hurts to know there would’ve been a baby in the summer.” So he did the math, you think. “But, this is maybe the wrong thing to say, but I’m glad I didn’t know before.”

It’s not really the right thing to say to you in the moment, but you can’t blame him. You sniff and nod. “I know. I almost wish I hadn’t known either. It was only a week, but I was so attached to…to the idea of our baby.”

“When you’re ready,” Andrei says slowly, turning to look at you while you’re stopped at a red light, “you tell me and I’ll give you a baby. When you’re ready.”

You nod, unable to even think about trying for a baby right now, but Andrei’s words and his earnest expression make your heart melt. You love him so, so much. “When I’m ready,” you repeat, squeezing his fingers.

When you get home, Andrei runs you a shower and joins you after a minute, soaping up your hair and scrubbing down your body gently. You don’t speak while he works and his touch is nothing but chaste. He’s careful around your stomach and between your legs, impossibly gentle with those huge hands of his. You stand under the spray while he gives his own body and hair a quick wash, the heat of the shower starting to make you a little lightheaded. Right before it gets to the point where you think you’re going to have to say something, Andrei flips the water off and reaches out of the stall for a huge, fluffy towel, wrapping you up in it and rubbing his hands up and down your arms to keep you warm. He grabs another towel and wraps it around his waist, gripping your elbow and guiding you back to the bedroom.

You rummage in his drawers for oversized clothes, not wanting anything constrictive on your body. Once you’re comfortable in an old pair of Andrei’s grey sweats and a threadbare Duke t-shirt, you crawl under the covers and curl up on your side. “Join me?” You ask, looking up at Andrei. He nods, silently climbing into bed behind you and gently scooting you closer to him. The warmth of his body is comforting against your back and he wraps his arms loosely under your breasts, avoiding your stomach. Andrei buried his face in your hair and you let a few silent tears leak out of your eyes.

What did you do to deserve this wonderful man?

With Andrei’s arms around you and your heart heavy in your chest, you fall asleep again, but it’s unsatisfying. After a few hours, you need food even though you’re still nauseous. Andrei makes himself a sandwich and warms up a can of chicken soup for you and you eat in bed, a rerun of The Nanny on TV. Andrei doesn’t really get the show - the humor is too specific - but he does like to point out all the outfits that Fran wear and he thinks you can pull off. It’s a nice distraction.

You take the next few days off of work, just to recover, but Andrei isn’t as lucky. You’re mostly fine physically except some lingering soreness, most of your problems are mental. After talking about it on the way home, neither you not Andrei has really brought up the miscarriage.

Two days after the miscarriage, the team is playing at home and Andrei’s right there in the middle of it all. You don’t watch the game, still too raw to watch hockey after what happened in Vancouver, so it’s a little shocking when he comes home with a blackened right eye and a cut across his nose and part of his cheek. “What happened?” You yelp upon seeing him, getting carefully to your feet and reaching up to lightly touch the side of his face.

Andrei grunts. “Distracted, got hit,” he winces when he moves his face.

You feel awful, knowing he was distracted because he was worrying about you. “Luckily it didn’t need stitches,” you say softly. “Can’t have anything ruining that pretty face,” you tease him lightly.

He gives you a tight smile and his gaze flickers down to your stomach, covered in an oversized sweatshirt. You catch his look and brush your thumb over the edge of his jaw. “I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me so much,” you say. “I’m tough. I’m strong.”

“I know,” Andrei sighs, dropping a kiss to your forehead. He hesitates, wanting to say more, and you wait. “At the game,” he says slowly, “Burnsie, Staalsy, they had their kids there. I couldn’t help…I was picturing…”

Oh.

Your heart cracks right over the scabs that had been forming the past two days and fresh pain floods your veins. “Drei…” you’re not even sure what to say to him. You knew he was sad, but you hadn’t really thought about how deep his feelings went.

He smiles sadly at you. “Today, it hit me,” he says, twisting his lips. “We lost a baby.”

“Yeah,” you reply, throat tight. “We did.”

Andrei pulls you close, twisting his hand in the end of your ponytail. “I wasn’t expecting it to hurt like this, when I didn’t even know for very long,” he murmurs and you can feel a few tears drip onto the top of your head. You wrap your arms around his waist tighter.

“I don’t think that matters,” you mumble. “It hurts no matter how long you knew about it.”

You can feel Andrei’s head turn, his cheek pressing against the top of your head. You just stand there in his arms, holding tightly to the only other person that’s feeling the same pain as you. The longer Andrei holds you, the more you feel your fragile heart mending itself, the steady beat of his heart a constant under your cheek.

After that, things slowly start getting back to normal. You’re physically healed and cleared to resume normal activities. Andrei’s not so distracted during games. You can go hours, days without thinking about the baby that’s gone.

Andrei mentions it, off-hand, about a month after you get home from Vancouver, after he’s back from another quick road trip. “We could’ve been telling our families about the baby at Christmas,” he’s clearly been thinking about it.

You nod, a little startled by his comment. “Probably, yeah. Or we would’ve told them already, too excited to keep a secret,” you smile a little to yourself, thinking about how Andrei almost spoiled his proposal twice before he actually popped the question because he was so excited.

He grins at you, dimple popping, and pushes a slim box across the table at you. “Early Christmas present,” he says, answering your unasked question.

Looking at him suspiciously, you pop the lid on the jewelry box, finding a thin gold chain bracelet with two delicate charms on it - the common blue and white Greek mati to ward off the evil eye and a little horizontal cross attached at each end to the chain. You trace your fingers over the chain and look up at Andrei.

“A little luck?” He says, lifting one shoulder. “I saw it in a store window, in Long Island, before we played. Made me think of you.”

“Thank you,” you murmur, getting out of your seat to kiss him softly. You trace your tongue over his lower lip and desire stirs in your stomach, something foreign after the last few weeks, but oh so familiar. You’re not quite ready to have sex yet, but it’s a good reminder that you will one day soon. “It’s perfect.” You hold out your wrist and Andrei clasps the bracelet on.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he says, reminding you of the promise he made in the car.

“Whenever I’m ready,” you repeat, crawling onto his lap and letting him hold you. The thought of getting pregnant again doesn’t make your chest feel quite as tight anymore, doesn’t get the panic alarms ringing in your head. Andrei’s been so patient and gentle, making everything just a little bit easier to bear.

Every day just reminds you that as long as Andrei’s by your side, you can handle anything life throws at you.

He kisses the side of your head and holds you close, chasing the shadows of grief away.

[xoxoalette]

ALSO!!!! Any ideal wedding inspo for the twins mayhaps?? I know me and Education Alert only have $20 to our name, but I’ll make it work 💪😼

EDUCATION ALERT LMAOOOO

Answer is under read more cause it’s kinda long

Hmmm… Diva actually— I don’t see getting married? Or at least not the traditional marriage. If her partner wanted one, she’d just go with what they’ve planned. But that doesn’t mean she’s NOT romantic.

I imagine it’s more of— the two of you driving around a new city, on a road trip together, in a rented convertible with the rooftop down, listening to your guys’ favorite music on the radio. It’s night time with the city lights on, and you both are either heading back from having fun all day or heading to have more night fun at wherever. I think she’d talk about how much fun she’s always having with you, and that she wishes it can be like this for the rest of your lives. And when she brings out the ring,

It’s a little silly, but they’re still really cute— matching rings. Like I’ve said before, she’s not the traditional kind of girl that wants to get married, but she would still confess her love and her want to stay committed to you— she just wouldn’t care for the whole ceremony thing. I also think she’d do this if you guys were dating for like 3 years.

Here’s some photos to fit the vibes

As for Eddie? Id say he wouldn’t see himself getting married since he’s never really… thought of himself in a relationship before either. It’s all still very new to him. But if you were together for 5 years, yeah— he wouldn’t mind getting hitched.

I think Eddie would want it to be perfect, but since he has NO idea what he’s doing? He’d either let you do most of the planning OR he’d base it off the pictures and stories of his parents’ wedding.

His parents’ wedding in his eyes is the most ideal because his parents are still very much in love and happy with one another. Their wedding also fits a lot of his preferences; small and intimate, nothing flashy or expensive.

Still, he’d want it to be perfect for the both of you— so if you have any changes you want to be made, you guys will figure something out.

I imagine the rings he has are actually his grandparents’ rings, that his grandpa passed down to him when he heard his eldest grandchild was ready to settle down. They’re simple and not that grand, but it holds a lot of sentiment for Eddie. (Yours would be his grandma’s on the left, his is the one on the right :) )

And the wedding would look something like this, in a church with his family and friends and yours. (I like the decorations of one and two, but the vibes of the third pic)

Nothing too crazy, just you and him— all your loved ones, and even though he isn’t religious, part of him doesn’t mind having some higher being watching over them on their special day. It’ll certainly give him a chance to thank god for allowing him the chance to finally love and be with the only person he’d ever imagine himself with.

This is what he’d wear (in this shade or a dark grey— loid looking ass)

[outrunningthedark]

Japril!!! I will forever be grateful for Jesse Williams fighting for April to be the one Jackson went to Boston with and not allowing what was originally planned to happen (apparently Krista was going to have April pregnant with Matthew's baby and Jackson was going to deliver it? Ugh)

Nonnie, I apologize in advance because I'm about to yell at everyone. In a good way, though. I have to laugh whenever people act like Ryan and Oliver are fighting for Buddie behind the scenes because I've (we've) SEEN what fighting looks like thanks to Jesse and Sarah. (all caps for emphasis) SARAH DREW WROTE A LETTER TO KRISTA ASKING HER TO CHANGE APRIL'S EXIT BECAUSE IF SHE COULDN'T BE WITH JACKSON SHE'D RATHER HER CHARACTER BE SINGLE: "I always, always wanted her to end up with Jackson, especially after they had their baby."

April's marriage to Matthew, in the end, felt "rushed" and adds that she and Williams, who left Grey's last season, had "great chemistry."

"I just didn't believe it, because we hadn't seen anything on-screen between [April and] Matthew in that final season," Drew says in the book.

She also reveals she went so far as to pen a letter to showrunner Krista Vernoff asking her to change the ending.

"I even wrote a very passionate letter to Krista after I read that final episode saying 'Can she just walk off? Like maybe kiss him and walk off into the distance doing something as an independent woman? Like, why does she need a man?' [x]

JESSE WILLIAMS WOULD GO TO SET WITH NOTES IN HIS SCRIPTS FOR HOW HE THOUGHT THE EARLY JAPRIL SCENES SHOULD GO: While most TV couples come together because of dialogue written on the page, Japril's beginning is in the margins. And from the second the "Grey's Anatomy" writers decided to give Jackson and April a shot, Williams and Drew told Insider the two of them were fully committed to the story — maybe even a little too much. 

"I remember you showed up with a whole marked-up script with script ideas," Drew laughed, recalling Williams' eagerness to get their first intimate scenes together during the medical boards on season eight right. 

THEY WERE PITCHING A SERIES BASED ON THE WEDDING: Their love was genuine but their choice to get married was impulsive. So their newlywed phase was marred with fights where TV couples are usually allowed a bit of romance. Drew said that she and Williams worked hard to try and fill in gaps for the audience, some of which never came to fruition. 

"We had a whole pitch for an entire series based on that road trip," Drew said of the few scenes we see of Japril traveling together to get married after April runs away from her wedding to Matthew. Williams confirmed that their series pitch is why "Unbreak My Heart" exists. 

AND THEN WHEN JESSE WAS LEAVING AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO REUNITE JAPRIL CAME UP, SARAH DREW WASN'T LETTING ANYBODY FUCK AROUND:

"The pitch that was given to me was April was super pregnant with Matthew's baby and Matthew wasn't home when Jackson came to the house to pitch April on the idea of going to Boston with him," Drew wrote of the original plot for April's return episode. "There was a storm outside and Jackson had to deliver April's baby at the house, and through this whole experience, April decided to bring her whole family to Boston with Jackson." 

"Jesse and I talked about it and thought it would be more satisfying to the audience if they were left with some hope for Japril reuniting," Drew wrote to Insider. "Jesse pitched that to the writers and the writers agreed — and then the story shifted."

[all three quotes can be found here] Who needs an instagram like when you have actors writing LETTERS expressing disappointment??? Not caring who they piss off in the process??? (And if you know Grey's, you KNOW they pissed off KV just by watching how it went.) WHEN WILL YOUR OTP EVERRR????? (OURS DID 😁)

[leafs-lover]

Too Far Gone - Part Fifty Four

Warnings: I didn't really proofread this so there's that, swearing, smut - oral (m & f recieving), p in v, I think that's it?

Series Masterlist

Word Count: 4,500

For the first time in a long time, Auston’s hockey game was completely uneventful. Aryne found Tia almost instantly. She was bouncing Jace in one arm and had a glass of wine in the other, she was quick to give her a hug and “officially welcome her to the family” but she made sure to point out she was a part of the Leafs family long before then.

Aryne then told Tia Auston paid her WAG fee, something Tia knew nothing about, but apparently it was used to cover events like baby or bridal showers, birthdays, and the WAG jacket, something else Tia was unaware of. Aryne explained what they were, and given Tia was a designer said she would love to get some input from her. Audrey overheard the conversation and being a stylist, she too wanted to be included in the process, and Steph being Steph had to be included. The four of them made plans to get lunch during the Leafs upcoming road trip to start planning.

Like every game before, Tia and Taylour ventured down to the glass during warmups and the second Auston saw her he knew he was going to have to talk to her. There is no way he can concentrate on hockey for the next three hours while she looks like that. Her pants were so tight they had to of been painted on. If at all possible, her bodysuit is tighter but it’s mesh, pure black mesh, and it leaves the lacey bralette she had on underneath fully on display. She had pulled her hair back into a high pony, and had put bright red lip gloss on, his favourite. He tapped on the glass and waved to Taylour, then took a deep gulp. He hated how good she looked, but even more when she winked at him, he hated that she knew how good she looked.

All game Taylour was grinning from ear to ear and could barely sit in his seat for more than ten seconds. He had a slice of pizza, chicken nuggets, popcorn, two chocolate milks, she didn’t know how he managed to eat so much. He was dancing and cheering and when Carlton the bear came by, he gave him a high-five, then got Tia to take a picture of them, all while wearing his new jersey with Matthews stitched in the back.

Maybe it was because every part of the evening was easy or maybe it was because it was the first time she wasn’t going just for Taylour but also herself, but Tia genuinely had a good time.

When Auston walked out of the dressing room with his tie shoved into a pocket and the top few buttons of his dress shirt left purposely undone, he expected to find Tia tucked off to the side with a sleeping toddler on her shoulder. Instead, he hears his sons small but joyful voice followed by the sound of little feet pattering in his direction. Auston crouches down and catches Taylour mid jump and brings him in for a warm embrace.

“You were so good Daddy!” Taylour cheers in his ear.

“Thanks Tay.” He places a kiss on his cheek and stands upright.

“Yeah daddy! You had so many shots and…and you got a goal!”

“Mhm,” Auston grins. “I did. I’m surprised you’re not sleeping.”

“I’m not tired,” he protests, even though his eyes are red and heavy.

With a soft laugh, Auston kisses his temple and scans the crowded hall until he finds Tia, a few feet away, and somehow, she looks better than before. When she spots him, her heart flutters and butterflies swarm her stomach. This anxious energy is new for her, but the smile and twinkle in his sandy brown eyes instantly put her at ease. He always had that effect on her. Walking over to him, Auston shifts Taylour to one of his hips and opens his arm to let her in.

“Hey T,” he smiles, holding her tight to his chest.

“Good game Aus.”

Auston already got her post-game text, but nothing beats hearing her say it in person. “Thanks babe.”

Tia leans into Auston and they kiss, except it wasn’t a quick, good game, lets go home and put our kid to bed kind of kiss. He wraps his arms around her waist and smiles when a sound escapes her lips. It took every ounce of strength to not back her up against a wall and slot a knee between her thighs. People were around and Taylour was rambling about something that happened during the game, but God he wanted to back her up against the wall and slot his knee between her thighs.

As his tongue worked with hers all he could think of was what he was going to do once they got home, how he couldn’t wait until he got her home, that it sucked they were going to her place because she lived farther away, but he couldn’t stop kissing her. He didn’t know if he ever could.

“Sorry Matts, I got to talk to your girl.” A hand finds his shoulder and begins to force them apart.

“Wha-“

“Mitch!” Taylour holds a fist out for him.

“Hey Taylour!” Mitch ignores the daggers coming from Auston and gives Taylour a fist bump. “You have fun tonight?”

“Mhm.” He is quick to nod. “Can I come visit Zeus?”

All three of them laugh, but Tia see’s a light ignite behind Auston’s eye. She’ll have to remember to ask him about it later.

“Obviously!” Mitch shares Taylour’s enthusiasm. “You can see him any day!”

“Daddy, I go see Zeus now.”

“It’s almost your bedtime, but how about tomorrow?” Auston asks not only Taylour, but Mitch, who smiles and nods. - they do have an off day before the LA road trip.

“Okay, I’m going to visit him tomorrow, Mitch!”

“Sounds good.” The two of them fist bump again. “I gotta talk to your mom real quick.” He then turns his attention to Tia and throws an arm over her shoulder trying to tug her free from Auston’s embrace. “So, T…I can I call you T, right?”

Tia doesn’t even have to look to Auston to tell his nostrils are flaring and face is contorting with disgust. She also doesn’t need to speak because Auston is quick to step in. “No. Only I get to call her T,” he growls out and pulls her back into him.

He has no idea what his friend is doing, ever since he found out they were dating, Mitch instantly said he had to talk to Tia, but never gave any hint as to what it’s about. It has only been about six hours, but Mitch brought it up countless times, always with a devious grin to accompany it. Mitch knew he was getting under Auston’s skin by the pulsing vein or hairs pricking along his neck, and that only added to his enjoyment over the situation.

“Private conversation.” Mitch hisses. Keeping a heavy glare directed at Auston, he tugs on Tia’s shoulder trying to draw her away from Auston. This time Tia takes a step away from Auston, which causes a cocky grin to form on Mitch’s face. “He is so nosy,” Mitch says as the two of them take a step, earning a dramatic eye roll from Auston. “But I got to talk to you.”

 “So, T –“ he tries again.

“No.” She quickly brings up her hand and shuts him down. “Only he gets to call me that.” Mitch’s entire face crinkles. Auston raises his eyebrow in an ‘I told you so’ kind of way as the smug expression returns to his face.

“Fine, Tia,” Mitch huffs in displeasure. “I’m sure you know this, but you’re wildly out his league and I don’t want him to get hurt, so just, take it easy on him kay?”

Mitch smiles directly at Auston in almost patronizing way, and Auston responds by just shaking his head. He can’t believe he spent the entire day worrying and this is what Mitch wanted to talk about.

Tia chuckles softly. Peeling her gaze from Auston she turns to Mitch, and her pony swings over her shoulder. She drops her voice to just above a whisper, but she ensures its loud enough for Auston to hear. “What if he doesn’t want me to take it easy? What if he likes it rough?”

If it were anyone else Tia would have had a different response, but something about Mitch’s child-like energy makes this more enjoyable. Mitch’s Adams apple bobs as he takes a deep gulp. His cheeks burn hot with embarrassment and his cobalt blue eyes pop out of his skull before he drops them to the ground, unable to make eye contact with Tia, his friend or anyone in this moment.

“I uh…I,” he stutters out and shifts uncomfortably on his heels. “I’m gonna go.”

“Have a good night, Mitch,” Tia calls out as he scurries over to Steph.

“Are you done torturing my friends?” Auston just shakes his head as he welcomes his girlfriend back into his arms. “Probably scarred him for life.”

“He’ll be fine.”

**

Not surprising to anyone, Taylour was asleep in the first five minutes of the drive. The radio played quietly and Auston held Tia’s hand over the console. The two of them talked over the hum of the heater, Auston periodically squeezing her hand as he maneuvered the dark Toronto streets. He parked in the garage, gave Tia a kiss, then unbuckled Taylour from his car seat. Once up in her condo, he stripped Taylour of his jersey and jeans, then put a pair of pajamas on, and gave him a kiss goodnight.

The lamp on the Tia’s bedside table casts a warm shadow on the wall as she sits with her knees bent, backs of her thighs on her heels and legs purposely spread wide open. As if the mesh top didn’t make his dick throb, the navy blue set she replaced it with certainly does. The colour compliments her skin tone perfectly and the bra pushes her breasts up, making them appear bigger and rounder than normal. The small lace underwear hugs her curves, revealing more than it covers.

Auston drops his duffle and garment bag at the door, and it lands with a loud thud. Tia crawls toward him on the bed then reaches out for his wrist, dragging him closer  – not that he needed much guidance.

“Good game baby.” She kisses his necks and lets her hand travel over his chest and under his jacket, pressing it off his broad shoulders to the floor.

“Thanks T.” Auston reactively tilts his head and allows her more space as his hands quickly land on her hips, toying with the lace hem.

Tia’s hands slide around his body, and she works at the tiny buttons of his dress shirt, slowly revealing more and more of his chest. He lets her take the lead, moaning and groaning as her lips find the newly exposed skin. Tia makes quick work of his belt buckle, and Auston curses when her palm nudges his growing erection.

Once all his clothes are in a pile on the floor, Tia guides him to the mattress then adjusts herself between his legs. He watches her lick her lips and listens to her uneasy breath when she sees the excitement that is waiting for her. One of her hands finds his thigh and she gently rakes her nails up and down and the other wraps around his length, giving him a few tugs until his cock has fully hardened in her grip.

Auston gasps when Tia licks the angry vein on the underside. He shivers when she swirls her tongue around his throbbing tip to clean up precum. She begins to bob on his length, taking more and more with each stroke but still using her hand to cover the remainder. He fists at the duvet from the pleasure of her tongue, then hisses as she massages his balls. Her hand and mouth work in tandem, stroking him closer to completion.  Following a deep groan, one that Auston feels vibrate around his cock, the two of them make eye contact.

Her nails dig into the skin of his exposed thighs as she sucks his cock. Warm tears coat her pupils as she smirks over his length, she always knew what he liked. Her pace remains steady and deep, and it doesn’t take long before he twitches against her tongue, and she knows he is close. Mere seconds from his release.

Tia moans as his salty release fills her mouth. She remembers a time when she didn’t think she’d like it, but she loves the taste of him, missed the taste of him, and if she is being honest a wave of disappointment came when the final drop hit her tongue.

Auston pulls Tia on top, her knees landing on either side of his waist. His hand is in her hair, and tongue is down her throat, and she grinds down on his hips, the thin cloth all that separates them.

Auston reaches around to release the clasp and her breasts spring free, then works to massage it, his thumb rolling and tweaking her nipple. A deep moan catches in her throat which makes Auston grin, and he can feel wet against his abs.

“Come’ere,” Auston mumbles through a kiss.

“I am here,” Tia whispers, a breathy moan catching in her throat as he works at her breast.

“Up here,” Auston kisses her again, harder this time. “Take a seat.

“Oh my god.” Tia pulls away and lets out a laugh.

“Do you not want to?” Auston asks, a playful smirk tugging on his lips.

“No, I do,” she laughs again. “I just can’t believe you said that.”

“Then get up here.”

The heat on her cheeks doesn’t subside, but she shimmies out of her underwear and climbs up into position. She can feel his exhale to the inside of her thighs, and she shudders while slowly lowering herself down. And its too slow for Auston’s liking, he roughly grabs at her hips until her heat is pressing on his lips.

He gets to work.

Her entire body jolts when he licks a stripe up her slit, tongue flat against her. He nuzzles his nose against her freshly waxed skin and Tia’s body falls forward, one hard tangling into his curls, the other finding the wall for additional stability. He flicks his tongue over and over her clit before eventually splitting her folds and shoving himself deep inside.

His breath is warm as he flicks his tongue in and out. The scruff on his jaw burns against her thighs while she claws at his dark curls. He can’t pull away long enough for anything more than a grunt to come fumbling out. He suckles at her clit just how she likes it, how he knows she likes it, and she’s crying out in no time.

As much as Auston loves her soft moans, shaky breaths, and the way she cries his name in pleasure, his favourite part was always when that stopped because it meant she was close. She presses her heat down onto Auston’s face and he let out a soft chuckle but doesn’t let up. He kept flicking and sucking on her clit, sliding his tongue between her folds, doing all the things he knows she loves until he felt her walls start to quiver.

He keeps at it, sucking at her clit to draw her orgasm out. When her walls are no longer fluttering, he leaves open mouthed kisses along her inner thigh. Once she has settled enough, he grabs at her hips and flips her onto her back, chuckling at the squeal she releases.

“My favourite thing is when you eat me out.”

“It’s one of my favourites too.” As Auston climbs over her, Tia sees how hard he is just from eating her out.

“One of?”

“I also love fucking you.” He grabs the box of condoms from the bedside drawer and dumps one single foil wrapper on the bed.

“I love that too.”

“Going to have to start buying these at Costco,” he jokes. Lowering himself for a sloppy kiss, his tongue is still drenched in her flavour. “I plan on fucking you a lot.”

Tia giggles in response, watching as he brings the foil to his lips, He bites down and starts to tear into the wrapper with is teeth. “You know I’m on birth control, right?”

“I’m getting DeJa’Vu.” They both laugh. “But seriously, I feel like it was four years ago to the day you last told me that, and we both know how that worked out.”

“I know,” Tia laughs again and gently tucks some of his sweaty curls behind his ear. “It’s a different method, a better one.”

Placing a soft kiss to her lips, he lets his forehead fall to hers. “I don’t want you to get pregnant.”

Auston pulls his wallet out and shoves a $50 into her chest. “Get yourself the morning after pill,” Auston hisses through gritted teeth, “I don’t want more kids with you.”

Tia is transported back to that Vegas hotel room and shudders at the thought. She can feel his hatred, hear the vitriol in his words. She hates how real it is, how she is trapped in one of the foulest moments they shared, the worst part is somehow her heart hurts more than that June morning.

“T?” Auston probes. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, and adjusts under him, spreading her legs in preparation.

Her face tightened and body froze. Her lower lip quivered ever so slightly, and she tried to shake it off, but Auston saw it all. “What just happened? You went somewhere?”

Tia shakes her head as if she is about to deny it, but she knows she can’t. Apart from him being able to read her like a book, she wants this to work, and the only way for that to happen is for her to be honest. It’s not like having no more kids would be a deal breaker for her, but does he still feel that way? That having kids with her is the worst thing imaginable?

“Do you want more kids?”

“Obv-“

“I need you to be honest, even if it will hurt.”

“Where is this coming from. I’ve always wanted kids with you.”

“That’s not what you said in Vegas.”

Auston drops his head to look away while regret creeps in. Long ago Auston blocked that morning out, he couldn’t bear to think about it because the pain was too much. Even now it paralyzes him.

“I was mad.”

“I know that. But you said -”

“Tia, we both said things we didn’t mean.” Auston rolls off her, not because he wants space, this conversation deserves more than sex looming over them, and it’s difficult to do that with his rock-hard dick pressing into her thigh. “If I could go back, I’d do so many things differently.” Tia nods, wishing for the same thing. “But we can only go forward. I thought you knew I didn’t mean what I said.”

Tia blinks and thinks over what he is saying, wanting to get her own words right before she speaks. A part of her always knew there was no truth in what he said that morning because there was zero truth to what she said. Unfortunately, he said it more than once, and that adds more to her hesitation.

“At Christmas you said you didn’t want more, that felt genuine.” Her voice keeps sounding more and more hurt.

Tia watches a crease form on his forehead and prepares herself for the inevitable. He clears his throat, trying to muster up some courage. Then, like ripping off a band-aid he starts.” “After Zurich, it took me a bit to even think of what my life would be beyond hockey. I was so angry and upset I told myself I wouldn’t let myself go there with anyone. After some time, I started to consider that maybe one day I’d the woman I’d have kids with, but she always remained nameless and faceless, I told myself that it would take some time. Then you came back, and I got to see you be the mother I always knew you would be and, I don’t know, I just knew nobody else would ever compare.” Auston doesn’t know when, but at some point, when he was talking Tia started to cry. Slow tears are rolling down her cheeks and every time she opened her mouth to speak it would shut, no words seemed to be enough.

She slides closer, into his embrace while he gently tucks a few hairs behind her ears then pecks the tip of her nose and can taste the saltiness of her tears. He holds her for a minute, waiting for those tears to dry. Tia cracks a half smile while struggling to find the words. Not actually. Three words quickly land on her tongue, but she bites down hard on her lower lip, hard enough to draw blood. She can’t say them this fast, can she? But it’s not fast, she’s known him years, they have a child together, have said it countless times before, most importantly both have been flooded with the feeling more than once recently. It’s not too soon, and yet she can’t say it.

He smiles at her. “I knew very quickly into meeting you; I wanted kids with, that still holds true.”

She returns the smile, visibly relieved. “How’d I get so lucky?”

“Our rental house didn’t come with a coffee maker,” Auston jokes, bringing a gentle smile to her face. He moves to cup her face and grins back at her. “I know you love Taylour, but your life would have been so much easier if you didn’t get pregnant when you did, when we have the next one, I want it to be on your timetable.”

“You’re pretty incredible, you know that?” She sighs against his lips.

“So are you T.” Auston whispers against hers before giving her a soft kiss.

It’s slow and lazy with her sweet sighs filling the air. Unlike the heat and fury from before, they take their time, slowly working their tongue into the others mouth, swallowing every single moan they could.

Tia shifts to be more on her back and Auston positions himself on top, arms on either side of her face. Tia softly rolls her hips and can feel his cock start to reharden, a deep guttural groan coming through. One of her hands slides around and wraps around his cock, giving it a few gentle tugs to encourage him to grow.

Tia brings her leg over his hip to draw him closer. Auston brings his hand down and runs it along the outside of her thigh, softly caressing her skin. Now fully hard, his tip nudges her folds, still soaked from before.

“So, uh,” Auston’s head drops against hers. “Tell me about this birth control.”

Tia feels heat on her cheeks. “It’s a tiny device, the most effective method there is, nothing can affect it.”

“Nothing?” His cock twitches in her hand.

“Absolutely nothing.”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to, fuck, he wants too]so bad. It might have been years ago, and he may have been drunk, but that feeling of nothing separating them is something he never forgot no matter how much he wanted to. Now he has the opportunity to do it again, feel her again, but the only way he is doing it again is if she is absolutely positive.

“You’re sure?”

“100%,” she breathes out. “But babe, if you’re not then we don’t have to.”

That’s all Auston needed to hear, if Tia is certain than so is he. His hand replaces hers and she guides his length between her folds. The two of them sigh in unison. It feels so good, they always did feel good together, but this brought them back to Helsinki. The very first time they shared their love and themselves with one another.

He keeps her leg hooked over his hip and pulls out slowly, but he’s even slower sliding back inside. His eyes don’t leave her; he gets satisfaction in watching the way her face contorts and shifts as he fills her up. He pulls her hands above her head and pins them to the mattress. Staring down into her milk chocolate eyes. It takes all his willpower not to spill everything inside her tight cunt in that moment.

“I want more babies with you, we can have as many as you want.” Tia smiles at that. Her breath hitches in her throat as Auston continues to move inside her “One more, six more, doesn’t matter to me.”

Tia giggles. “I don’t want six more.”

“Okay,” Auston says, continuing to move inside her. “So less that seven kids.”

“Two.” Tia moans. “Maybe three more.”

“Can’t wait to see you all big and round with a baby.”

“Our baby,” she growls out.

“Can’t wait to hear their heartbeat, feel ‘em kick. We’ll have a little girl and she’ll look just like you, be full of sass and fire, constantly telling me my shirt doesn’t look good, or it doesn’t match my shoes.”

Tia lets out a laugh but a lump catches in her throat at the thought of their children. All she every wanted was this, for them to have a big house full of children and laughter, but up until now it felt like it was out of reach. Not anymore.

They continue to move in unison, but instead of talking they kiss and kiss and kiss until both of them are out of breath, then they kissed some more. Auston kept his pace and Tia gently scratched her nails down his back and across his broad shoulders. Auston knew Tia was close and Tia knew Auston was close.

It didn’t take much longer. A few shallow thrusts and her walls were tightening around his cock, and he was shooting everything deep inside. A loud grunt fell from his lips, he never forgot how good it felt to let himself loose inside her, but it certainly was better than he remembered.

Her leg drops and he collapses on top, the two of them a sweaty mess of limbs. A mixture of warm fluids slowly spill out around his cock, but he keeps himself buried a little bit longer, reveling in the way she feels. Not the physical feeling of his slowly softening cock in her heat, but the feeling of them together, the start of their forever.

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[boba-at-323]

Happy Birthday, best friend...

Note : Happy 21st Birthday Jisung! I love you so much loml <3 Hope all your wishes and dreams come true! May you have all the happiness in the world!

The snow covered roads glistened underneath the slight moonlight which was escaping the grey, shining clouds. Everything looked so ethereal despite it being the dead of the night. But nothing compared to your best friend, Jisung, who walked beside you with his earphones plugged into one of his ears as usual. His features were beautifully highlighted underneath the soft streetlights. 

Jisung had been your best friend since elementary school, and the both of you were practically inseparable. However, during your last years of high school, you started to develop a crush on him. He was always so caring when it came to you, like how he made hand—written copies of his notes for you when you couldn’t go to school, or how he always bought your favourite drink before classes. His small, thoughtful gestures had started to give you butterflies, but you were scared; scared to lose a friend who had been by your side since forever, scared to lose such a precious friendship because, what if he didn’t feel the same? What if you creeped him out? What if he never wanted to see you again?

Even though it had been 3 years since you graduated high school, your feelings for him only grew. And to worsen matters, when he came back from his 6-month long trip to visit his family out of the city, your jaw had literally dropped once you saw him again. Just when you thought he couldn’t get anymore stunning, he proved you wrong.

How had he gotten even taller, don’t people stop growing after 18? And how did he become even more handsome [cuter at the same time]?

Park Jisung, what the heck?

That was, without a doubt, the last straw. You were going to go completely insane if you held your feelings for him back any longer. As his birthday was near, you had made a very foolish plan to confess what you felt at midnight, just before he turned 21. This could end up in two ways; either he would like you back [which you thought wasn’t very likely], or he would reject you and then disappear forever [which you thought was very likely]. But you thought that maybe, it was worth a shot?

You looked at the watch on your wrist, which was hidden somewhere under the enormous coat you were wearing.

[11:53PM]

You took a deep breath and stopped in your tracks. 

Well, here goes nothing, You thought. 

“Hey, why’d you stop?” Jisung asked, confused as he took out his earphones.

“You know Jisung, we’ve been together since our first day at school. We became friends when I forgot to bring my colour pencils and shared yours with me.” you smiled at the thought, “and since then we’ve been glued to each other.”

“Yeah we have, but why the sudden realisation? Did something happen? Are you feeling okay? You aren’t leaving me, right?” a string of questions left the poor boy’s mouth. 

Jisung was a very quiet boy from the start. He was very shy and got flustered by the most minor interaction he had with anyone who wasn’t you. You had been the only person who had seen the real Jisung. The Jisung who never stopped talking. He told you everything; from all his secrets, to the most randomest thought which came to his mind. He had opened up only to you, because you saw him for the person he was. He trusted you with everything in him. It wasn’t till his vacation that he realised how much he enjoyed and missed being with you. He realised that 6 months felt like 6 years when you weren’t with him. He realised that… he liked you.

But he was afraid that you might not feel the same. There was a high chance that he would lose the only person who understood him. Maybe suppressing his feelings would work out for him? 

Snow fell lightly as he awaited an answer from you. He was looking at you expectantly while you avoided him, twiddling your gloved fingers which had gone numb because of the cold. 

“Jisung…” you gathered up the courage to look at him. 

His hair rested gently against his forehead, slightly covering his eyes as they always did. They were decorated with specks of snow which had been falling since you went out. He was looking ethereal. Even the word ‘ethereal’ itself didn’t feel enough to describe the boy standing in front of you. 

“I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time now.” 

You took a step closer to him and took his hands in your shaking ones. You had never felt this nervous in your life. The thought of retaking that college entrance exam of yours felt much easier compared to how stressful the moment was.

“Park Jisung, I like you,” your eyes met his, “and I realised that 3 years ago, when we were still in high school. You’ve always been so kind and nice to me. You’re someone who gets me, who understands me. I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I'm so lucky to have someone like you with me. You’ve always been there for me, even if I was at my lowest. It’s just…I love you, Jisung.” 

It fell so painfully silent that you could hear the winter wind blowing past you. Your heart was pounding so severely against your chest, you could feel your whole body vibrate with each throb. Had you finally ruined such a valuable friendship? 

Jisung looked at you in shock. Did you just confess to him? Was all of this actually happening, or was it one of his crazy dreams? 

He stood there processing what was happening, but his expression made your heart fall to your stomach. You felt a lump forming in your throat as let go of his hands.

“I-I’m s-sorry—” was all you could blurt out. 

When Jisung saw tears brimming in your eyes, he panicked. 

“N-No!” he was the one who took your hands this time, “Y/n, I just don’t know what to say. I like you too. No, in fact, I love you. When I went to visit my family, I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. It took me a while to understand that… It was you. You were missing. I’ve never felt so happy and alive around someone. You’re someone I can be myself around, and you’ve been here for me whenever I needed someone.”

He smiled when he saw your cheeks turning pink. 

“I’m in love with you, l/n y/n.” 

You quickly glanced at the watch on your wrist, which showed that it had just struck midnight.

[12:00AM]

It was time.

Without wasting a second, you stood on your tiptoes to get to his level, placed both your hands around his face, closed your eyes shut and pressed your lips against his. 

A million fireworks set off inside the both of you. Jisung had never been this flustered and it took him a while to respond back, but he did. He kissed you back. The snow continued to fall gently as you both cherished the moment. He was your first kiss, and so were you to him And you were glad that it was him, because he had always been your first. Sharing your first kiss with him wasn’t so bad, even if you both were inexperienced at the ripe age of 21. 

“Happy 21st Birthday, Jisung,” you smiled softly, pulling away.

“Happy birthday indeed” he laughed shyly, pulling you for the warmest hug ever. 

Title : Happy Birthday, best friend... || Word count: 1.262k || Genre: Fluff ?? Angst??? Friends to lovers || Pairing: Jisung x Reader || Thank you @koishua for beat reading this! Thank you and love ya <3

[touchingmadness]

Help me choose a Nano project?

I am by no means promising to heed the results to this, but I could use some opinions. I have a few ideas for what to work on for Nano but can't make a final decision which is... a problem, since these all need some more planning before I actually start writing them.

Descriptions and pros/cons below the cut.

Reblogs allowed and appreciated.

That Which Remains (post-apoc sci-fantasy)

In a post-apocalyptic world where the passage to the afterlife has been mysteriously cut off, the streets are oversaturated with the spirits of the dead. Trained Quellers take to the streets with their spirit-sensitive subordinates to channel and extinguish these spirits. Aereas is an unsanctioned Queller who is secretly spirit-sensitive. When they're called in to investigate the apparent suicide of a Queller-in-training, they get pulled into the mystery of why the spirits of the dead are lingering and what the Quellers are - or aren't - doing about it.

Pros:

Most developed plot

Main and secondary character decently developed

I know DEFINITIVELY how this ends, down to the scene

Cons:

Might be derivative -- formulated as a dream while I was binging stories about body-hopping and talking to the dead

Most of the other characters don't even have names

Unsure if this is a single book

Wither and Woe (high fantasy, political drama)

Five nations are on the cusp of deadly conflict. Tensions are rising, and plans are being pushed into motion under the veneer of civility. A young princess married off as a glorified hostage barters with the demon Wither for a child that will earn her nation's protection. She bears her husband an heir that is not his own amidst the political machinations of the inner court and begins to suspect that she is not the only one who Wither has helped.

Pros:

WITHER!!! I love Wither so much!!!

Most of these characters are well-planned

Wrote a bit for this a few months back

Cons:

Still unsure is this should be one POV or like six

Worldbuilding needs some work

Heavy subject material with little room for levity -- usually prefer to write these types at the same time as a lighter project

Casey Draper's Big (Gay) Alien Road Trip (contemp sci-fi)

Casey Draper is stuck in a rut since graduation, faced with the harsh realities that her dreams may never come true and her friends might not want to see her again. Life isn't like the books, and that sucks. So who can blame her when she lets herself be kidnapped away from her dead-end job by an angry alien who seems to think she's a missing alien prince? Casey's in for the adventure she always craved as they flee secret government agencies, stumble upon strange towns, and eventually have to stop the actual runaway prince from getting himself killed with his party boy attitude.

Pros:

Main cast is completely planned

Incredibly dissimilar to anything I've watched/read lately, so less likely to accidentally draw from things half-remembered

Almost episodic, can afford to be rambly and unfocused

Cons:

It's the type of contemp where the worldbuilding is basically just our world, which is difficult and often boring for me

Literally no existing outline AT ALL

Annoyed with my own job in a way I wasn't when this was first planned -- risks getting too pessimistic or just frustrating

Project Evergreen (post-apoc sci-fi)

Arden thinks his life is over when he leaves behind his family's stronghold to take his sister's place at the Eternal One's estate. But instead of being imprisoned for Fern's habitual impulsiveness, he is given a new name and instructed to work on a mysterious device alongside others in similar situations. And he would truly prefer it if the Eternal One would simply lurk. Instead, the mystical woman infamous for somehow surviving long past the Before Times visits him and speaks as though he is someone else.

Pros:

Relatively developed cast drawing from discarded projects

Basically a fucked up and nonromantic sci-fi Beauty and the Beast story, so most of the big story beats are planned for me

Strong thematic center - easier to make story decisions

Cons:

No clue what happens between the big story beats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Worldbuilding is slapdash at best

I have no clue how this ends

[franciskirkland]

so i have finally had it this time. not posting for attention but screaming into the void bc its all i can do. please don't click read more unless you're willing to hear some deeply gnarly/personal stuff. and please don't unfollow just bc you didn't heed my warning. this is a personal blog and there's a real live human woman behind the deranged hetaliaposting.

i now know for sure that i intend on ending my marriage. i can't leave yet, but i need to start planning for it. im done. its not worth it.

our first wedding anniversary is in a few days. i have always had thoughts in the back of my mind about us not lasting, but i didnt think it'd end like this, so soon. im embarrassed frankly.

we have had our share of problems both major and minor. but the final straw is that my husband has more or less assaulted me.

so there are more details below but i've been pretty sex repulsed (by irl sex) for the past... 10 months or so? we are not completely sexless but it's usually coercive, with my husband guilt tripping and pestering me for sex. usually i manage to get out of it, even if i do wake up to him rubbing up against me - that doesn't bother me too much.

but yesterday he was being particularly forceful and threatening me if i didn't start having sex with him again whenever he wanted. so he initiated the act. i kept saying no. no i cant. please stop. i dont want this. im gay. and he said no you're not. and he forced me to give him head while also grabbing my breasts and making me undress. i hate being naked. i nearly vomited. i feel disgusting and violated.

the thing is, that part about me being gay wasn't a joke or an excuse/defense. that was me refusing him. i have told him that i am attracted to women so many times and he doesnt even believe that's possible. like, that bisexuality is real. yeah. that hardly scratches the surface of his terrible beliefs and opinions. but i digress.

i don't know if i'm only sex-repulsed due to him getting me pregnant and the subsequent loss, (ruptured ectopic, almost died) which affected me permanently in a physical way and im undeniably also psychologically but i have yet to process that in its entirity.

i am definitely at least bisexual, if not gay. and possibly asexual/gray-ace or whatever. the only men i really feel attraction towards are fictional/purely ideas. seriously. i'm deeply affected by comphet. growing up i knew i was queer but i was also abused by many men as a teen so i guess i internalized it. somewhere down the road i also became really attracted to the idea of settling down and having a family. (i still am, but my priorities have changed the more i see older moms. im only 24, my friend didn't have her first until 34.)

anyway, regardless of my sexuality or lack thereof, aside from our numerous other problems (incompatible personalities, different ambitions, lack of common interests, him being an abusive controlling manbaby, overbearing MIL, living situation, etc.) i am repulsed by him and i cant be around him anymore. i hate him.

the mistakes i have made for/because of this relationship are of a devastating magnitude. i've burned a lotttt of bridges (not my mom, thank god) but with other family, friends and previous employers.

i'm a dummy. yeah. i'm not going to lie. i have invested almost 3 years and over $10k of hard-earned wages into moving to australia for a man who doesn't respect me. i have no income, no privacy, little irl support, because he's isolated me to the point where i'm not me anymore. the most i can hope for is to get a full time job, and/or write some more original stories and possibly get a book deal or self publish. it'll all go into a divorce fund. it'll likely take over a year before the prospect of leaving is financially viable. but i'm not even sure where to go from there. the economy is a disaster in america too.

i would really appreciate some company, i don't necessarily want to discuss what happened but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to as i navigate this. i love you all my friends and followers and readers <3

[winterpinetrees]

The Gap Years part 5

The road trip kids wake up on the first real day of their adventure. Plans are considered, elf society is rightfully mocked, but mostly I just infodump. :)

i am beating back the cringe emotions with a stick. this is the cringe website. let me post about my homegrown blorbos, brain.

June 11th 2019

Lakeport, California

The realization of where he is and what is going on hits Brian in waves.

He’s a good sleeper (he travels enough that he has to be), but this doesn’t seem to be his room. Brian lifts his head and his chest hurts, and it’s not a falling off of a dirt bike/surfboard into a tree/sandbar at a frighteningly fast velocity type of hurt either. He winces, and his arm hits something else.

Ah. The second realization. He’s sharing a bed. Contrary to popular belief, he does not do this very often. Light is already pouring in through the curtains, so it doesn’t take Brian long to realize that the other person is Clay. He still looks asleep. That makes sense. Brian has always been an early riser. He sits up in bed and looks around. Cheap curtains, beige walls, a blurry photo of a lake? They must be in a motel. Yes. He’s just graduated high school and now he’s going on a road trip with his friends. Brian swings his feet onto the ground and stands. He walks to the bathroom, but sees something else on the ground between the two twin beds. A pile of clothes? He approaches. It’s a person under a blanket. That’s when he remembers the magic, the sword slash, and the blood that might still be under his fingernails because he refused to spend half an hour washing it off like Lady Macbeth. The person on the floor is a prince. Brian is responsible for his safety and by extension the fate of the world. How the hell did he get here? (He enthusiastically volunteered, that’s how.)

Over the next few minutes, Brian cautiously wakes up both of his friends. They have some things to discuss that they don’t want Marin to overhear. They move to the other side of the small room and gather in an awkward huddle.

“We are harboring an alien prince,” Clay types out onto his cell phone. He guessed that elves had very good hearing, and convinced everyone else to do the same. “We need some plan for if he turns on us. He can control our minds”.

They’d asked Marin last night if there was any visible sign that someone had been charmed. He said yes, but only if the charmed person was aware of it, which never happened unless the attacker was overconfident or rushing. Not very reassuring.

“Like what? There’s very little we can do about that”. Sierra replies. She is typing on that infamous computer, and doing it very quickly.

“Maybe we agree to talk to each other and call out weird stuff? S, we've already been doing that“. The girl nods. Clay was taking forever to type anyway.

Brian understands. He's the only one who's trusted Marin at all. “So the plan is to be skeptical of everything”.

“That way we'll be aware of anything that is changed”. Clay wears glasses that are a little too big and stubbornly refuses to do anything with his long brown hair. He looks perfectly ordinary, a bit disheveled, and it’s entirely on purpose. He puts the phone down and starts speaking. Apparently, this bit isn’t classified. “What do we know so far?”

Among other things, they know that Prince Marin Sondaica is 86 years old, stuck in between physical adulthood at 81 and full social adulthood at 108. (Just like how they’re all old enough to vote and drive but not drink or be considered separate from their parents). The elf world is parallel to theirs, with the capital existing in the same place as San Francisco. It’s a single global dictatorship with two associations of noble families fighting for control. Marin's family was reasonable enough, but Gens Mercuralis did a coup and is trying to take over the world. They should have a year or two until elves become common knowledge and the status quo collapses.

Then Sierra adds what she knows from years of university lab internships and overheard conversations. If you see a flash of color, especially green, prepare to run or fight or die. Magic is enough like radiation that a modified geiger counter can tell you if danger is near. Elves seem to avoid fighting underground. They’re very careful to not get caught on camera.

Brian turns his head and sees a cat’s eye glow in the dark. Their new friend is awake. Sierra and Clay seem to think there isn’t anything special about Marin, but he knows better. Brian is very familiar with how people move, and Marin is just a bit too quick. More than that, he moves very quietly. It reminds him of how he’s heard friends talk about parkour (land quietly, work with your body, reduce the impact on your joints), and he wonders again just how fragile elves are.

The prince approaches the group and they talk. They need a plan to stay alive, and they’re kind of a mess. Marin explains that they shouldn’t be attacked unless they are either alone, or somewhere elves can plan an ambush and keep things secret. It’s counterintuitive, but they need a human shield. Marin also has some ideas about elven settlements in the human world that might be sympathetic to them. Elves who love wild humanity will probably oppose the new government’s plan. Unfortunately, that means that Ishtar has probably sent soldiers to subdue them. Every visit will be a gamble. They might find allies, but they could also very easily get killed. Maybe it would be better if they traveled on their own for a bit.

...

So they get in the car and drive again. They eat breakfast at the most crowded place they can find and drive towards a hardware store where Sierra can buy a geiger counter. They come up with a system. Brian drives, Clay rides shotgun with the concussion rifle under his seat, Sierra googles things and tinkers with the geiger counter, and Marin tries his best to cast a more permanent illusion over the car. They listen to music from whatever radio stations they’re driving by, pester Marin with questions about his past, and plot a jagged course up California.

“Who else was in the human world when the coup happened? If you can switch between worlds so easily, there must have been some other people who got away”. Brian is a student of history. He knows a bit about how coups go, but mostly he's just curious about the magical society next door.

Marin stares out the window at miles and miles of farmland. “I can’t be sure. Genus Sondaica had over twenty people in it before the coup, and four of them were about my age. Those are the ones that were most likely to escape. We’re old enough to defend ourselves, but not influential enough to be primary targets”. His voice is very level. “But our genus also has allies. Each of those has even more people, but there’s no way of knowing who’s… left.”

A few seconds pass before Sierra speaks. “Yeah, but who was here before the coup? You didn’t know anything had happened, remember? You just brainwashed us for fun. Who else would do that?”

“The only one I'm certain of is Zerada Adust, my betrothed”.

Woah. Hold on a second. Brian knows that the elves have a hereditary noble class, but his betrothed? “You're betrothed to someone?”

“Ah. That’s not a Western concept anymore, is it? Most of the high nobility are betrothed to someone. It is important for keeping the nobility strong”.

Brian blinks. “Arranging marriages to try and keep an elite class 'strong' has caused some pretty big problems on earth”. Like, the fall of several dynasties.

Sierra rolls her eyes. "Marin, if you're using how messed up your society is to avoid talking about your girlfriend, it's working".

He looks around at the car. “Magical power is mostly genetic,” he adds as if that makes the statement more acceptable instead of less.

“And that's eugenics. That is also not good. Clay, are you still in favor of the elves taking over the world?” Brian adds. He does not know what to do with this information.

She laughs. “And they’re a monarchy too, remember that?”

“I was under a lot of stress!” Clay replies. "Between that and proposing a quest, I think what I said was a lot more normal".

Brian laughs to clear the air, but it sounds fake. Despite his family history, He doesn't believe in taking the easy way out. There's nothing wrong with choosing to stay and fight. They can't afford to be fighting now though, so he lets the conversation continue and keeps his eyes on the road.

[toyahinterviews]

CELEBRITY BRIDES UNVEILED 2009

TOYAH: When I was a little girl I never dreamt about my wedding. I was a tomboy. All I ever wanted for Christmas and for my birthdays was punch balls, guns, tanks. So weddings just weren't on my agenda at all   In fact, I probably as I got older and got into my teens and became a punk rocker - and then got into my 20s - was quite phobic about thoughts of marriage and quite phobic about the thought of having a permanent partner and having a family. So when I did eventually get married, I shocked everybody I knew I grew up in Birmingham, which was quite a difficult place for a girl to grow up 35 years ago. Women were forced into relationships and I felt forced into being sexually active. An awful lot of the girls that I knew their ideal was to have a child out of wedlock and get the security of a nice apartment and never get married and get a job. I hate to generalise about it, but that is the environment I grew up in Because I grew up in that environment I was ferociously against relationships. So I got involved in punk and then in music around the age of 14. I knew that I was always going to be very different  

I started making my own clothes and started to look very punky. I was very pre-punk. I was influenced by a film called The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was pre-punk. So I was walking around Birmingham with peacock coloured hair about two years before punk rock ever appeared 

My husband and I should have met at least five to six years before we actually did because we had the same management company. The very first time I met him was 1983, where we shared a taxi to an award ceremony together. He sat on the front seat and I was on the backseat with my manager - our manager. He was very quiet and he had these little round glasses   I just took the mickey out of him from the Kings Road to the Grosvenor Hotel, which was about half an hour trip. I can remember my manager just being flabbergasted that I had the guts to just provoke this man for half an hour and I'd only just met him I didn't know that he is in the Top 10 of the world's most famous guitar players. He's a man called Robert Fripp and 1983 he was just like God in the music world. He worked with David Bowie he produced Peter Gabriel. He'd been on Blondie’s his albums - so he was a megastar. The picture behind me (above) is of me and Princess Michael of Kent, laughing at someone joking. And that someone is Robert Fripp, my husband    This is the first moment I really got to talk to him because Princess Michael wanted a photograph taken with him and me. That picture appeared in a very famous newspaper the next day with Robert cut out of it, because Robert was never really a celebrity, but I was and that was 1983 - three years before I married Robert So we didn't meet again until two years later, when we met at exactly the same award ceremony. He said to me would I visit him at his home in Dorset and make an album with him, a charity album for children's school in America and I said yes    But what I didn't know, and this is very much how my husband works - when we met again in 1985, which would have been around June - July he'd already said to his friends in America, where he lived in New York, he said "I'm wiping the diary clean for the next three weeks, because I'm going to meet my wife". So we'd already had a kind of intuition about this   

Then the following week after we met and had this discussion, I went down to work with him on this album for a week. He said “will you marry me?“ and “I said it was a bit quick, isn’t it?” He said "no, I know you're my wife. I've been planning this for the last month." And I kind of went "OK, well let's get to know each other"     So I actually moved to Washington for three months to the school where we were raising the money for, where he taught, because he also teaches guitar. I went there and taught drama for three months and that was our courtship (Shows the bouquet) I still have my wedding bouquet, which is hard to believe. This dear thing is 22 years old. We keep it in our front room. It was yellow, originally. I adore yellow flowers. So we had yellow roses, yellow Carnations and then Lily of the Valley     This is probably the most expensive thing about the wedding - the Lily of the Valley on May the 16th - we're already out of season. So we had to have them brought in from Holland and it wasn't cheap. But I did a little drawing of what I wanted and a friend went along to a florist and got it organised. And miraculously, we have managed to keep it I organised the wedding. My husband didn't want anything to do with any of those traditions other than the church ceremony. So he participated in the rehearsal. We married in St. Mary & Cuthberga & All Saints Church in Witchampton in Dorset where his father was buried, and I think his grandparents were buried     We did the rehearsal but that was about as far as it went. I bought the wedding rings, I bought the wedding dress. I cooked all the food for the wedding party. He didn't want children at the wedding. He didn't want any of my friends at the wedding but I insisted on close family Basically I realised that it was nerves. He can't bear big events. I have never had a party since I've been married because he can't bear those kinds of events, which is unusual but bearable. So he didn't want music at the wedding. It was a silent wedding         The extraordinary thing was it was on May the 16th 1986 and it’d rained for a month but the moment we arrived at the church, the sun came out and streamed through the windows exactly where we stood at the altar

(Shows the hat) I had the veil made. My sister-in-law had to organise it so no one knew I was having a wedding veil made. That went over the front, it's very brittle and delicate. You've got to remember it's 22 years old, and this big flower went at the back. Now these are back in again today. Back then this was 1986, big things were in. But seriously that went out in the 90s big time. I suppose you would see that in Sex And The City today We managed to have the reception with very close family. And then the precious day ended and that evening and the next day we were hounded. We were chased everywhere by journalists in cars. Eventually we drove off to a Franciscan retreat in Sand Creek in Cornwall, who hid us and we hid that for a week and they blessed our wedding (Shows the garter) This is the garter I wore for something blue and I wore it on my left leg I think, I could be wrong. But there's only two legs to choose from. It was a gift from my husband's best friend. They had it made by a local lacemaker in Dorchester. My husband now keeps this on his desk in his office.      (Shows the dress) Because Robert and I were getting married secretly I couldn't order a wedding gown. Because I was paying for everything and basically was not interested in a huge expensive public wedding I had to really ponder of how I was going to be a bride I thought OK, I'll just go buy a ball gown and it was really hard for me to shop at this time because I was incredibly well known. I couldn't go anywhere on my own. So I knew of a kind of debutante ball shop in a town called Windborne in Dorset. I went there pretending I was going to a ball and I bought the only ball gown that would fit me       That was a little pink organza Bo Peep dress, a family dress. I didn't want a traditional white wedding dress which was lucky. This is actually a little ball gown, very Bo Peep, off the shoulder puffball sleeves that just rested on the upper arm. Little kind of gatherings at the bottom. So it's very feminine, very pretty indeed I think marriage is cyclical. I think everything in life is cyclical. You go through cycles. And if you can recognise those cycles, you can recognise when a cycle is dipping, and you're in a bad time and also when a cycle is lifting and you're in a good time. I think you only grow to recognise these things if you have longevity in a relationship      

So seven years ago, we found the home we're in now (Toyah and Robert in 2020, above), which is just the most perfect beautiful home in the world in the Midlands. We decided that we wanted to spend more time together and travel a little bit less and just enjoy ourselves. We've worked really hard, not only as a couple, but as individuals as well. You've got to bear in mind we don't have children either so we're not fixed and one of us isn't financially dependent on the other But we go off, we have little honeymoons three or four times a year and just lock the world out and we're just romantic. The one thing that both of us are - we are both very romantic. I love buying him gifts and I love telling him to pack a bag and (say to him) you’re going be in a warm climate. You'll be in a cold climate. Oh, don't worry, you're not going to leave the bedroom for a week. I've kind of I like surprising him and taking him on nice adventures You can watch the programme  HERE

[inwintersolitude]

- May 4th 2023 -

Do you plan your meals in any way? Sometimes. I have a meal planning app on my phone, and I use it more when my husband is home from flying which is about 4-5 days a week. But if he's on a trip and I'm home alone for a few days, then I don't bother with planning as much. And my appetite can be finicky sometimes, like I won't know what sounds appetizing until the day of, so that's another reason why I don't always plan ahead.

Have you ever been front row at a concert? Which one(s), and how was the experience? Nope, I've never really had any interest in going to a concert, much less the front row of one. I wouldn't be able to nowadays with my noise-induced ear pain.

What's the strongest earthquake you've ever experienced? I've only ever felt one, in 2007 - I just looked it up and it was a magnitude 3.6. My parents and brother and I were sitting at the dinner table and the whole house shook, and at first I thought it was a sonic boom or an explosion. We were only about 5.5 miles away so we definitely felt it.

Do you know your best friend's middle name? Yep.

If you have a passport, where do you store it for safekeeping? In our safe deposit box at the bank.

What's your favourite kind of juice and when did you last drink some? Either lemonade or cranberry juice. It's been several weeks since I last drank either of those.

Were you in the scouts when you were young? Yep, I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten through 4th grade, but then I stopped because I was frustrated that we didn't do enough camping/outdoor stuff and too much sitting around doing boring crafts lol. But then I rejoined in 7th and 8th grades because a lot of my friends were in it and we started to do more camping at that age.

How long are your fingernails right now? Very short.

Do you like the Scream movies? I've never seen any.

What sort of music have you been listening to lately? Mostly classical. A little bit of classic rock.

Are there any bills you need to pay? They're all on auto-pay.

Have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? Yes but now I can't remember who it was. Personally, I think I look like Mia Wasikowska when she was younger (we're pretty much the same age, less than 3 months apart, but she looks a little older than her age and I look younger than my age). I think she looked like me the most when she had light brown hair for her roles in Jane Eyre and In Treatment.

How many people could sleep in your home? (Not counting floor space, beds and couches only) Four. We have a queen size bed, a daybed, and a couch.

Are you a fast reader? Kind of, I think? But I'm not sure what's considered average.

Do you own a leather jacket? Nope.

Is there a university campus in your city or town? No. Well, there's a building that's a small satellite campus for a university that's in a city that's about 35 minutes away. But it's just one building off on a country road outside of town. The only reason I even know it's there is I pass it on the way to one of my favorite hiking trails.

Who last called you on the phone? Did you pick up? If so, how long did you talk? My husband, and yes I picked up. He was calling from the airport in Houston before his last flight home, and we talked for about 10 minutes.

What grocery store/supermarket do you shop at most frequently? Buehler's.

Do you know how to play the card game Hearts? Nope.

Are you a more of a light or heavy sleeper? It seems to vary a lot throughout my sleep cycles.

Have you ever done freelance work? What did you do? Nope.

Name four things you can see right now. My desk clock, my old AOPA pilot wings pin, the fence in the back yard, and a framed family tree that my great aunt drew by hand, going back to our first ancestor to come to North America in the 1620s.

Do you charge your phone every day? I charge it every night while I sleep. Sometimes during the day if I've been using it a lot and it's getting low.

Is your washing machine currently running? Nope.

How's your energy levels today? Pretty normal.

Have you ever torn a muscle? Yep, when I was doing lifeguard training and preparing for the test where you retrieve a weight from the bottom of the diving well, simulating rescuing a person who had sunk down to the bottom. I dove down to the bottom, grabbed the weight, and when I pushed off the bottom of the pool I tore/pulled a muscle in my leg.

Do you have any cereal in your house at the moment? Yep, bran flakes.

When was the last time you went out to eat? Where did you go and who with? About a week ago, with my husband. We went to the cafe in town.

Is the street you live on short, long, or somewhere in the middle? It's pretty short.

Should you be in bed right now? Nope, it's only a little after 8 p.m.

[themculibrary]

Fics With Titles That Start With I Masterlist

I Already Know (ao3) - idiom steve/bucky E, 30k

Summary: If a ghost knocked on your front door, would you answer it and let him in? - After all is said and done, Steve is the one person Bucky trusts that he can turn to for help getting back to reality. All Bucky wants is to know his own mind again. Right now, that mind is trapped in the shell of a man he once was.

I Don’t Wanna Watch You Walk Away (ao3) - Baamon5evr steve/sam G, 5k

Summary: Sam stood numbly when Steve announced his departure from the Avengers.

If Running’s a Plan (ao3) - FestiveFerret bruce/natasha T, 98k

Summary: “We need you in New York, Agent Romanoff. I have a new assignment for you.”

“Well I hope it’s more relaxing than this one,” she quipped, throwing a blood-covered glass shard to the floor.

“Just sent the briefing through.” Fury hung up abruptly. He was never one for small talk.

Natasha stretched her ankle out, frowning when a few of the cuts beaded up with fresh blood. Picking up her phone again she opened the briefing and flipped through it. Her frown deepened.

“Bozhe moi.”

If This Car’s A Rockin’… (ao3) - meleedamage darcy/steve E, 4k

Summary: The Winter Soldier and Falcon’s constant bickering has Captain America at the end of his rope and in need of alternate transport. Darcy Lewis’ cramped back seat is getting a surprise hot beef injection. And this intrastate road trip is about to get interesting.

If You Can't Stand the Heat (Stay Out of the Kitchen) (ao3) - TheMeaningofHaste steve/bucky E, 56k

Summary: When Captain Steve Rogers left the Army he fell in to a life of cooking. He never expected it to lead him to become a personal chef for the Barnes family, one of the most influential families in Washington D.C.

He certainly never expected to fall for their playboy son

I just met you (and this is crazy) (ao3) - littlesystems steve/bucky E, 41k

Summary: After Steve gets outed by a grainy cell phone picture, it takes the media less than 24 hours to discover Captain America’s secret relationship with James Barnes: classical musician, teen heartthrob, and son of a former president.

The only problem? Steve has never met James Barnes in his life.

I’ll Just Hold Onto That For You (Your Heart) (ao3) - maxxrose bucky/steve/tony M, 147k

Summary: OR…. the one where Tony calls Bucky a murder muffin and Steve is so on board with that.

I’ll Keep You Safe Here With Me. (ao3) - sara_holmes bucky/clint M, 110k

Summary: Yes, Clint is avoiding the other Avengers. No, he does not want to go back to New York. But then again, he didn’t exactly want to be kidnapped by the Winter Soldier either. Really, he just wants to go back to bed.

I’ll Take It Slow (ao3) - chalantness steve/natasha E, 4k

Summary: “Unless you want everyone to know what we sound like when we’re fucking, we should at least make it into our car.”

I'm Hot Sticky Sweet From My Head to My Feet (ao3) - BlossomsintheMist steve/tony E, 26k

Summary: There's a costume party for the Avengers, and Steve and Tony are dared to wear the Ironette Outfit and the old USO girl outfit, respectively. They're both rather taken by the sight of their boyfriend in "their" themed outfit. So afterwards, they take it upstairs and enjoy each other. Established relationship crossdressing and outfit kink.

I'm wasting my time when it was always you (ao3) - freshlemonade sam/bucky T, 3k

Summary: “I didn’t know you two were an item.”

“We- it’s complicated.” Sam states.

“I get it some couples go for the no label thing.” Peter whips nodding.

“No we just haven’t discussed it. Why am I even answering you?” Bucky shakes his head. “We were just kissing. Don’t go ooing and awing.”

or Sam and Bucky try and sort out there feelings over some late night pizza and Peter "bumps" into them.

in deep with you darling (ao3) - t_fic (topaz), topaz, topaz119 (topaz) clint/darcy M, 48k

Summary: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there’s an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew?

In Service (ao3) - dapperanachronism bucky/clint T, 13k

Summary: “Have you ever considered getting a dog?” Sam asks a few days later. It turns out, Natasha knows a guy who trains Service Dogs.

In the Home (ao3) - aloneintherain T, 68k

Summary: The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.

“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room—”

Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes—

Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.

In the Stillness of Remembering (ao3) - elise_509 steve/tony E, 70k

Summary: Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.

in the wild with you (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor bucky/clint/steve/sam T, 3k

Summary: Tony convinces the boys to go on a vacation together, claiming they're too stressed and need to relax. Some are excited, and some are not. However, things don't exactly go to plan when they take off, and end up stranded on an island.

Bucky's already not thrilled about leaving home, so being stranded makes this ten times worse.

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[books-and-cookies]

Hi Mary,

I'm really annoyed. My best friend, who I ski with, talk to about everything, and is just one of my favorite people to talk with, texted me today after not talking much the last month (he said he needed time to think about his future and work on his classes, since he's in his last year at college). No problem, I get it, I was in college and it was tough. Well, today, he texted me saying that I don't like his interests and he no longer wants to speak to me anymore.

Like, no, we don't have the same interests, but we do have a lot of similar interests. Also, we got season ski passes together, because we love skiing and our ski conversations are always great. And it's always fun to listen to him talk about his interests, I might not know what everything he's saying is, since fixing old technology is his niche interest, not mine, but I enjoy listening to him talk about it.

Like, not only did this come out of nowhere (he's not said anything to me about any of his thoughts about any of this until now) to me, but we spent $400 each on season passes to ski together. That's a lot of money, and I'm kind of pissed because now I have a ski pass, but no one to go with, and our ski trips last winter were pretty much the only reason I left my house last winter, and I was really looking forward to it this winter.

Like, I texted him asking what's going on, because this came out of nowhere for me. Like, his family invited me on their annual ski trip (I guess I'm uninvited now, even though his mom hasn't said anything to me about it?), and we made plans for a road trip in March, so like??? I'm just very lost in my thoughts and needed to vent.

Thank you, and I hope you have a good day!

What even... wow. Yeah, this sounds completely uncalled for. I'd give him a couple of days, then try and talk to him again - just tell him he hurt you with his behaviour and all you need is an explanation. Hopefully he'll be open to communicate.

I'm really sorry this happened 😔 I hope you guys can sort it out 🤗