#he also went through a phase where he only wanted to talk about men and how gay he was

[skeletonthecreator]

messed around making a character.ai chatbot of myself. it went. well. about as well as youd expect (these screenshots are from several different iterations of the bot)

[reigningqueenofwords]

Because I Know You

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 2,990 Warnings: Angst, unplanned teen pregnancy, Dean's a dick Request: @viviwatchestv dean and #9 “I know you hate me, but you should hear yourself. You sound just like him, you sound just like your father.” would just be perfect!

Read on AO3

Part 1 of It's Not Mine

Pulling out your keys, you made your way up the walkway to your house. “Y/N!” You stopped when you heard your name. “Got a sec?” Dean asked as he jogged up to you. 

“Sure, what’s up?” You smiled up at him. You’d grown up next to Dean your entire life, and along the way you’d fallen for him. However, you doubted that the 18 year old in front of you saw you that way. You were 16, in band (you wanted something on your transcripts for college and didn’t want to make that something a sport), and he’d seen you through the most awkward teen phases. Safe to say, you felt keeping him as a friend was the best bet. 

He smiled at you, making your heart skip a beat. “You know how me and Lisa split a couple weeks ago?” He asked. Of course you knew! How could you not. It was not only around school, but he’d texted you at 2am, drunk, asking you to come sit out back with him. “Well, I bought prom tickets. Prom is in a week. I don’t want to just ask someone random. So, I thought of you. Wanna be my date to prom?” 

Your eyes went wide. “You want me…to go to prom with you?” You asked, clearly surprised. 

“Of course.” He said it like it was the most simple idea in the world. “You were there for me, and I think you’d have fun.” He shrugged. “I’d rather bring a friend than just pick someone at school.” 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” You smiled, the butterflies going nuts in your stomach. “I’ll see what I can do about a dress.” Talk about cutting it close! Maybe one of your senior band mates had one from junior prom that you could borrow. “Is it just you and Sam tonight?” You noted that John’s truck was missing from the driveway.

He nodded with a sigh. “Yeah, working late again.”

You chewed on your lip for a moment. “It’s just me for dinner tonight. My parents are on a date. Want to come over in like half an hour? I can make dinner for the three of us?” You offered. Thankfully, your parents trusted the Winchester boys. Sam a little more than Dean, but you assumed that’s because they could tell you had a major crush on the eldest. 

“Sure! See you then. I’ll bring the soda.” He chuckled. 

Your mother had made sure that you got a dress that you loved, wanting your first prom to be a wonderful memory. It had taken three shops to find one, but the second you saw the Y/F/C floor length dress, you instantly crossed your fingers that they had your size. And, they had. 

Walking down the stairs to the living room where Dean, your parents, and John were, you had a tint to your cheeks. You still couldn’t believe that you were going to prom with Dean . Even as ‘friends’. “You look beautiful.” Dean complimented you. 

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” You told him. 

“Don’t you two make the cutest couple.” Your mother gushed. 

Groaning, you shook your head. “Mom, we’re friends.” You reminded her. 

John smiled at you. “You do look beautiful, sweetheart.” He told you. Part of him was reminded of those days where he’d taken Mary out dancing, and she got all dolled up. “Dean, be respectful.” He warned his son, his tone entirely different than it ever was with you. 

“He always is.” You assured him softly. There was always a tension in the room when the Winchester men were together. It was something you were used to. You had fond memories of John with the boys, you also had memories that you wished you could erase.

“Alright, pictures!” Your dad broke the awkwardness, grabbing his camera. 

That had been two months ago. Dean was…off after that night. You couldn’t understand what you had done. You’d tried to stop and talk to him if you saw him leaving his house, but nothing. Even in school it was like he didn’t know who you were. It hurt a lot. 

Finally, you’d had enough. You really needed to speak with him. You knew he was home because you saw the Impala, and that John wasn’t. Sam wouldn’t butt into anything, so you felt now was the best time to go about things. 

Walking up to the door, you knocked. You weren’t leaving until you talked to Dean. You didn’t care if you had to tackle the man. Not getting an answer, you knocked even harder. “Dean! I know you’re home!” You called out, clearly annoyed.

Sam was the one to answer a moment later. “Y/N? You okay?” He asked. 

“No, I need to talk to your brother.” You sighed. “I know he’s home, can you either tell him to come talk to me, or tell me where he is?” 

He looked over his shoulder. “Um…”

You raised an eyebrow. “Tell me now, or I’ll tell Gracie you have a crush on  her.” You threatened. He did, but Sam wasn’t the type to actually tell her. 

“He’s in his room.” He said quickly, letting you by. 

“Thank you.” You gave him a small smile before making your way up the stairs. Without knocking, you walked in his room. 

“What the hell?” He snapped, getting up from where he was lounging, playing a video game. 

You blocked the door, glaring at him. “I need to talk to you.” You snapped. “First, why they hell have you avoided me like the plague?” You asked, trying to hold onto that anger and not let him see how hurt you really were. “You went from being my friend to pretending I don’t exist.” 

“What, did you think that because we slept together that we’d be together or something?” He shot back. 

“No! But I didn’t think sleeping together meant I’d lose a friendship that means a lot to me, either.” You countered. “Did something break in that brain of yours? Telling you that suddenly you can’t even say ‘hi’ to me?” You crossed your arms over your chest. “I slept with my last boyfriend and even he doesn’t act like I’m not there if we pass each other in the hallway!” 

Dean rolled his eyes. He knew he was being an ass, but he couldn’t help it. He did care, far too much. So, he was pushing you away. You’d move on, graduate in a couple years, and leave town. You had a future outside of Lawrence. He didn’t. “I regret ever asking you to prom.” He lied. He’d had a great time, and had a copy of the pictures in his nightstand drawer. Your dad had dropped them off a week after prom. 

That pulled the mask of anger off your face, and he could tell how much that hurt you. “It’s not like you can go back in time and change that, Dean.” You told him, scrambling to get that anger back. The last thing you wanted was to start crying in front of him, when he clearly didn’t care about you like you thought that he did. You thought he at least cared about you as a friend. How wrong were you? “I’m pregnant, Dean.” You told him, ripping off the bandaid. 

“It’s not mine.” It was a knee jerk reaction. 

“It’s yours!” 

“We used a condom, Y/N.” He ground out. 

“I know. I was there.” You said sarcastically. “You’re the only person I’ve slept with since like November of last year.” Did he think you were just out here sleeping with anyone? 

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, from what I hear you’re pretty close to some of the guys in band.” He knew that was low. That was a rumor that was started by a girl who hated you for some dumb reason. 

John came in, hearing yelling from upstairs. He moved to the living room where Sam was on his laptop with headphones on. Clearly he didn’t want to listen to Dean and you fighting. He couldn’t figure out why the two of you were fighting, though. He turned to see you coming down the stairs. You hadn’t seen him as you turned to glare at Dean. “I know you hate me, but you should hear yourself. You sound just like him, you sound just like your father.” Which was true. You’d heard some of the fights Dean and the eldest Winchester had. Dean was parroting those words at you. 

“What the hell is going on?” John asked, making you jump. You knew that tone. John had been drinking. 

“Nothing.” Dean snapped, his eyes never leaving you. “She was just leaving.” He needed you to leave. He needed you to go before he broke. Dean saw the pain in your eyes, and he was the reason. Years down the line you’d think back to the asshole who said some very mean things to you. He just hoped that didn’t stop you from finding someone who cared for you. He didn’t know if you were really pregnant, and if you were…if it was really his. Like he’d said, he’d used a condom. 

“Fuck you.” You spat at Dean, rushing out. 

John watched you go, then turned to Dean. “What did you do?!” 

Dean shot him a look. “Who says I did a damn thing?” Great, now he’d spend the next couple hours arguing with a drunk John.  

“Because I know you!” He threw his hands up. “You do realize you will have to make up, right. You two are friends and she lives right next door.” 

“Not for long.” He turned and made his way back to his room. 

You found out that Dean moved out days later. Sam saw you taking a walk and joined you. “What did you and Dean fight about? He moved out. Went to stay with our Uncle Bobby and work for him.” He told you. 

Swallowing, your eyes watered. “I’m pregnant. It’s Dean’s.” You sighed. “He’d been ignoring me after prom. I went to ask why and tell him about the baby. He doesn’t believe it’s his.” And now he’d left town. That spoke volumes. 

“Jesus. I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. 

“And the day I was going to tell my parents they told me they’re getting a divorce.” You couldn’t believe this was going to be your life. Pregnant at 16, and your parents splitting up. “My mom is buying a house the next town over. I’ll be going with her.” While you adored your father, you really needed your mom right now. 

Sam gave you a sad smile. “Well, I’m still here. If you ever need to talk, or want to hang out.” He hoped the pair of you would remain friends. And he wanted to be there for you and the baby. Even if his brother wouldn’t. 

You turned and hugged him. “Thank you. That means a lot.” 

He easily hugged you back. “You’re welcome. Does my dad know?” He wondered. 

“No, not yet.” You pulled back, letting out a breath. “My dad is gonna have him over for beers and talk to him. Maybe grill up some streaks. My mom is taking me out tonight for dinner, wanna come?” 

“Sure.” He smiled as the pair of you started walking again, letting the silence take over. 

A month later, you and your mother packed up and moved. She’d found a cute three bedroom house, wanting the baby to have its own room. You’d cried. A lot. A tiny part of you still hoped that Dean would come around, and just be a father. John was pissed as hell at Dean, and just disappointed in you. However, he was at least wanting to be involved. 

Your mother opted to homeschool you for your last two years in high school. It just made the most sense, since you were due in February. Sure, you could have made it most of your junior year, but you would have been miserable. You and Sam met up now and then to study together, and Dean was never mentioned. You never asked, and he never brought him up. It was something that was appreciated. 

On February 14th, you gave birth to your little boy. John, Sam, and your father were in the waiting room, eager to meet him. You named him Daniel Noah Winchester, and you were in love instantly. Your mother was emotional watching her 17 year old welcoming her own baby, but knew that you’d be okay. 

After you graduated, you decided online college was the best bet for you. Daniel was the most important part of your life, and you had a part time job. You didn’t want to spend even more time away from the toddler. 

That part time job was where you met Mitchell. He knew about Daniel, and understood that you didn’t want to introduce them right away. He was 21 to your 20, easy going, and made you laugh. You didn’t even know he was everything you wanted in a guy, because you hadn’t been looking for one. 

Dean thought about you from time to time. It was hard not to. Especially after John called and chewed him out for walking away from you and the baby. Dean still felt it wasn’t his, but refused to go back to find out. He didn’t go home for any holidays, either. The last thing he wanted was to risk running into you. 

That changed six years after he’d left. Sam begged him to come home for Christmas because he was bringing his fiance, Jess, home. He wanted the two of them to meet. So, he caved. Pulling into the driveway of his childhood home, he slipped out of the car. Hearing laughter, he turned and sucked in a breath. There you were, holding the hand of a little boy, and on the other side of the little boy was some guy he didn’t recognize. 

Feeling eyes on you, you looked from your son to see Dean. It was the first time you’d seen him since that day you told him about Daniel. You wanted to be civil, so you gave him a half wave. “Mommy?” 

“Yes, baby?” You asked, thinking maybe he wanted to go in. 

“Can we see if Uncle Sam and Grandpa can come play in the snow with me?” He asked, hopeful. 

You gave him a small smile and nodded. “Sure thing.” 

Mitchell smiled. “You guys do that. I’m going to join your dad in the heat.” He chuckled. “Have fun.” He told Daniel. He kissed your cheek before making his way up the walkway. 

Dean watched, frozen in place. He then saw you walking towards him. The closer you got, the more he could tell you weren’t lying. That little boy was a tiny clone of him at that age. Were you coming to talk to him?! 

However, you said nothing as you got close, simply going to the door. John answered, and Dean watched the little boy launch himself at the older man. “Hi, Grandpa!” 

“Someone wants to know if his Grandpa and Uncle Sam can play in the snow with him.” You smiled as John held Daniel. 

John grinned. “Sure thing, kiddo.” He agreed easily. “Go get Uncle Sam. He’s in the living room.” He put Daniel down, laughing as his feet were barely on the ground before he took off running. When he looked back to you, he spotted Dean coming up, bag in hand. “You’re gonna have to use the pullout in the living room.” He told his son. 

“What, why?” He furrowed his brows. “What happened to my room?” 

“Turned it into a room for Danny.” He shrugged. 

“Danny?” He asked, then it occurred to him. “Oh.” He was clearly bothered by this, but said nothing. His heart ached. He had been such a dumbass! 

“Come on, Grandpa! Uncle Sam is outside already!” Came Daniel’s voice from the kitchen, making you chuckle. 

“Go have a date with Mitch. I got him.” John smiled at you. With that, he pulled on his boots and jacket to go join Sam and Daniel. He found Jess watching them from the kitchen window. “Looking forward to the future?” He asked. 

She beamed. “Yes, I am.” She agreed honestly. 

The door was shut and you turned to leave, surprised when Dean put his hand on your arm to stop you. “What, Dean?” You sighed, looking at him. What could he possibly have to say to you after all this time? 

“I’m sorry.” He tried. 

“Okay?” What did he expect from you? 

He looked like he was hurt, but that wasn’t your fault. “So, it looks like he’s close to my family.” He noted. 

You nodded. “He is. John hasn’t had a drop of alcohol since he was born.” You told him, noting the look of surprise on his face. “You’ll see a bunch of pictures hung up when you go in there.” He’d get to see all the moments he missed, all the memories he wasn’t a part of, and he’d see that your son was loved. 

“Can we talk, please?” He asked. 

“Not tonight.” You said simply. “Maybe tomorrow. Now, excuse me. I’d like to get my husband so we can go on that date.” 

Dean swallowed, looking down. “Okay.” He nodded a bit. “Can you just tell me my son’s name?” 

You gave him a look. “ My son’s name is Daniel Noah Winchester.” 

“He has my last name?” He asked, clearly shocked. 

“No. He has your father and brother’s last name.” You countered. “His father might be an asshole, but his uncle and grandfather have been amazing. Goodnight, Dean.” 

“Night.” He said softly, watching you walk away. What would have life been like if he hadn’t left? What would it have been like if he didn’t claim your baby wasn’t his? 

[violetnerves]

The Rise and Fall of Jenny Hopkins, aged 15: Bully Genderbend Au/Rewrite. Chapter 1, Part 1:

So this is Part 1 of an au/rewrite I've been working on for a bit... And it ended up getting out of hand because I ended up hitting over 12000 words just for Chapter 1 alone.

As a result, I had to split Chapter 1 into 2 parts, and even after that, both parts ended up being over 6000 words. It seems like a lot to me personally, but maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, here's a summary of the au:

In this Au/rewrite of Bully, Jimmy Hopkins is instead Jenny Hopkins, a 15 year old girl with a history of delinquent behavior. She exhibits some symptoms of Anti-Social personality disorder, even being diagnosed by a therapist with Conduct disorder.

The female cast has been expanded a bit, and some of the existing female members have been fleshed out a bit more, some of the male cast has been given some care too. As a rewrite some things have been changed about the Canon story, partly to fix a few plot holes and issues with the original that may have been caused by the original games rocky development history, though not to the point where it's unrecognizable since I do enjoy the game's original story, despite it's many faults.

Regardless, I hope you enjoy what I've written so far.

Part one of Chapter 1 starts under the divider. I'll also be posting the story on AO3, under the account: BlueEclipse7573

Total word count: 6565

Content warning for violence and strong language. If there's anymore I should list, please let me know!

'Here we go again'

I was laid back in the backseat of my stepfather's rental car, staring up at the roof. It felt as though we'd been driving for days, even though it'd been a 1 hour trip to Bullworth from the hotel at most.

"Jenny..." My mother spoke up, trying to get my attention after i'd decided to just ignore her for the whole trip. "...Please say something," her tone was aggravated at this point, annoyed that she was being given the silent treatment by her own daughter.

Yet again, I didn't want to bother with a response.

It's not like I wanted to be mean to my mom, but it was the nicest thing I figured I could do to protest against getting sent to yet another Boarding school while my mother ran off for the year with yet another one of her flings.

The silence, aside from the noise of the car, would continue on until my new step-father, who was old enough to be her mother's father, decided he was going to parent me despite the fact that I'd only known the old guy since last week, when we'd first me during my mom's wedding.

"Speak to your mother, Jane..."

*'Oh, please'*

"What? Who are you? Mom, this creepy old guy is talking to me, I think he might be one of those 'perverts' you've warned me about," I replied. Granted, the new guy - whatever his name was, mom went through men like one of those revolving doors you see in fancy and expensive hotels, so I never really bothered to catch his name - surprisingly hadn't been creepy around me, at least compared to the other men mom decided to have relations with.

Mom always did have shit taste in men.

Mom groaned, clearly being driven up the wall by my attitude at this point.

"Jenny, please be nice to your new step-father. He's not a 'pervert'."

I sat up.

"Yeah, you might be right, but he's not really doing himself any favors with the whole 'fat, old, and balding child molester' look he's got going on."

The old man sighed, and mom turned her head to look at me, her mouth twisting into a snarl. I wasn't phased, I was used to it at this point. The older woman looked like a clown with how overdone her makeup was, with her dark purple eyeshadow and lips covered in a cheap waxy red lipstick, and with a foundation that barely matched her actual skin color.

She looked so old and trashy with all that crap on her face.

"That's enough! I've had it with you, you little brat. All I want is a little peace and quiet with my new husband, and you insult him!" Mom wailed, setting a manicured hand on the old man's shoulder.

"Now look what you've done, you've upset your mother!" The old man growled. "I've got half-a-mind to beat you..."

I frowned, giving him a clear stink eye.

I knew it. Just another phony. Just like the others.

"I doubt you would, i'm sure you only do that kind of crap to the women dumb enough to marry you."

The two adults gasped.

"I can't believe you, you little monster! We'll deal with you when we get back from our honeymoon... next. year..."

Mom had left it at that, much to my relief.

Getting into arguments with mom never made me feel good, even if I did enjoy pissing off whatever awful man my old woman decided to bring into her, and therefore our lives. I didn't want our relationship to be so bad. She was my mom after all... So why couldn't she just act like it for once?

It was sooner rather than later when the car slowed to a stop, and I looked out toward the large, foreboding entrance to the school I'd be stuck in for an entire school year.

The entrance to the school was a large, old-fashioned, dull red and white stone archway, the red color clearly faded a bit with time and wear. Chipped into the stonework near the top of the structure were the words "BULLWORTH ACADEMY." The dark Iron gate doors were wide open, yet I couldn't help but think they looked the complete opposite of inviting. Like a fancy jail cell.

"Finally..." The old man sighed heavily with relief.

*'Yeah, feelings mutual you shriveled old bastard'*

"Here we are, young lady, Bullworth Academy, just the kind of place a girl like you needs."

I pushed open the car door, grabbing my purse on the way out. I didn't even bother to spare a glance at the two adults behind me in the car.

"Have fun, Jenny! I'll think of you from our cruise ship!"

Mom giggled in response to her new husband's goodbye, but all I could give was an eye roll in response.

"Whatever," I muttered, shutting the back car door behind me.

The car revved, and the vehicle left the property entirely. Against my better judgment, I turned and watched as it drove off the premises.

I couldn't help but wince, accidentally letting the hard, emotional barrier I'd built up over the years crack a little.

"Mom, why'd you marry that phony? What is wrong with you?" I asked no one but myself. A question that already had an answer, and one I'd asked so many times before.

Mom married that old fart for protection, for money, and just because she wanted to. Getting a good husband for herself and a good father never was a factor for her to consider, not with how much of a revolving door her love life was. I hadn't been a priority to her for the last 10 years. It was always going to be just *her* needs.

So what *wasn't* wrong with her?

"I can't believe this..." I said to no one. A lie, really. One I'd said way too many times.

And I'd probably keep saying it for as long as I lived.

I was so caught up in wondering why I still wanted to defend my mom from her own awful decisions that I hadn't noticed the clicking of heels against concrete slowly growing louder.

"You must be the Hopkins girl,"

I jumped and turned, taken aback.

"Huh? Where'd you come from?"

It was a woman who was doing a bad job of looking younger than she actually was. She wore a dark, long-sleeved dress shirt with a matching pencil skirt. Her hair was done up a bit, curled up into rolls at the ends. In general, the woman had a very... old-fashioned look to her, as if the act of stepping out of my stepfather's rental car had sent me back in time a few decades.

"We've been expecting you, welcome to Bullworth Academy... (sigh)," the well-dressed woman said, putting an odd emphasis on the word Bullworth as well as raising and dropping her arms in a slow, dramatic arc as she did.

*'So weird'* I let the thought hover a bit.

"I'm sure you'll be happy here, very happy indeed..." She shrugged, "Anyway, I can't spend my life waiting around for naughty little girls... I've got a *man* to make happy"

*'Yeesh, you already remind me of my mother. That can't be a good sign.'*

"The Headmaster is expecting you Hopkins, in his study,"

"Ok, I'll go see him then," I replied. I then immediately turned and walked in the opposite direction of the school.

"Oh no, no, no, his study is over *there* girl, in the main building?" The over dressed woman adruptly mentioned in a hasty manner. I frowned and turned back to the woman, who pointed a finger towards the largest building on campus.

"Right... my bad ma'am." I tugged on the strap of my purse, silently annoyed that I wasn't able to get away with fleeing and hiding out until the school year ended.

It's not like mom would've noticed if I'd done that anyway.

I walked in through the entrance to the campus, already feeling like a trapped animal despite the gates still being open.

"Don't keep Dr. Crabblesnitch waiting, he's a brilliant man... brilliant..."

The gates behind me closed, and along with it, my one chance at freedom.

The woman took off without me for some reason, and I was left to just look around the area.

In front and to my left and right were two other buildings, both two stories tall.

However, I was stopped in my tracks by a group of three male students, all of whom seemed to be lacking the sweater vests that they should have been wearing. Their dress shirts weren't tucked in and instead left to hang out. They weren't even wearing slacks either. Instead, they all wore denim jeans for pants. Were they even following the dress code for this place?

They crowded around the middle of the two routes to what I could see were the two dorms, separated by gender.

It seemed they immediately noticed me as well, eyeing me down as fresh meat, clearly noticing I wasn't wearing the uniform.

Well, things were already off to a good start. I was still near the frigging entrance!

That *had* to have been a record.

The one in front, a white blond with a pimple problem, but an oddly charming smile approached me. The two behind the blond were backing him up, a dark-skinned black guy with a rather enthusiastic tone of voice yelling excitedly at the blond to "put the new kid in an armbar" and another white guy, except he had brown hair, as well as slightly tanned with a slingshot sticking out of his front pocket. He was quietly looking over the situation, It's like he was scheming hard about something, and I had a feeling it couldn't be anything good.

I was short, even for a girl, standing at barely 4'10. So despite the blond probably being average height for a guy his age, that still meant he had the height advantage. Same for the other two guys, who were a bit shorter than the blond but still obviously taller than me.

But that didn't mean much, in my opinion. I always felt the saying, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall" was accurate for a reason.

And if he didn't want to back off, "blondie" here was going to learn why pretty damn quick.

"Hey, new girl, a pretty face like mine is expensive to care for... How about a little dono to help keep it lookin' good?" He stuck out a slightly calloused hand, palm up and in my face. The other two boys behind him chuckled as if the whole thing was just a practical joke to them. One that "I" was the butt of.

I spared a glance at his open hand and then up to the face of the boy it belonged to.

"Wash your face first fucko. You've got the little dipper growing out of your forehead," I mocked, hissing the sentence out spitefully and glaring up at the taller boy. The grip on my purse tightened a bit.

My response made the blond drop his smile. I was white-knuckling the purse strap at that point.

"Eh! Wrong answer!" the blond reached for my bag.

Friggin' idiot.

Before he could react, I grabbed the arm that was reaching out for my bag, tugging him forward. I drew my head back and slammed it on his jaw, sending him falling back as I let go of his arm.

The two boys behind him yelled something out - a name, "Trent" or something - but before they could retaliate against me, I ducked away and sprinted off in the direction of the main building.

On the way, I bumped into a few students, earning a few insults and curses thrown my way. Luck was on my side, though, as a student exited the school building just as I neared the main door. I ran in while the door was still open, and it slammed shut behind me. I let out a breath, stepping forward into the large room.

A few students had taken notice of my adrupt arrival, but only for a few seconds, because they quickly went back to their daily routines just as soon as they had stopped.

*'...I guess that could've gone worse...'* I thought, heading up the stairs and into Dr. Crabblesnitch's office.

The first room I entered into was weirdly dark, with the only bit of light coming from the ceiling of the other room, which looked to be Crabblesnitch's main office. I took a few steps inside until I was in the other room, catching Crabblesnitch's attention soon after.

The light above turned out to be a skylight set into the ceiling, illuminating the room in the sun's natural yellow glow. There wasn't any sign of artificial light in the entire room, which... gave me a few thoughts, the first being of how cool it'd be to take pictures in here. The second thought was of how comforting this place should feel... yet I couldn't help but feel so uncomfortable and tense. That clearly wasn't a good sign.

"Ah, yes, so you must be Miss Hopkins," the older man said, gesturing for me to take a seat on one of the chairs lined up right in front of his desk.

I sighed.

"Uh huh," I said, hoping to get out of this room as soon as possible.

Crabblesnitch's brow furrowed, clearly annoyed with my overtly informal reply.

"What? 'Uh huh', what?"

I grumbled quietly.

"...I meant 'yes sir'..."

"Very good, now let me see..."

I sat down as Dr. Crabblesnitch brought out a folder nearly bursting with papers, which were the documentation of my record from the last 7 schools I'd attended along with some police reports. I thought it was impressive how thick the folder was. Anyone else probably - rightfully so maybe - might've felt a bit of shame looking at it... but not me. You couldn't pay me to care really.

So it wasn't surprising that the papers pretty much smothered Crabblesnitch's desk, covering the fine maple in a sea of white. As well as some red and black, due to the pen ink on the papers.

Crabblesnitch feigned a gasp, dragging his finger over multiple spots on different papers.

"My, my, Miss Hopkins, you've done a lot of naughty things, haven't you? Vandalism, graffiti, bad language, violent conduct, disrespecting staff, a shoplifting charge, and is that..." He motioned to a particularly large bit of red writing. "Arson? Oh, I'm absolutely terrified of *you* Miss Hopkins!" Dr. Crabblesnitch concluded, feigning fear much like that gasp from earlier.

"Aw c'mon, give me a break. That last one was an accident..."

Aside from everything else. Arson was probably the one I *hadn't* meant to do, oddly enough.

Crabblesnitch didn't appear convinced.

"Regardless, I don't think I've ever met a girl like you, never in all my years! You must be the rudest little girl I've ever encountered!" He lowered himself down to meet me eye-to-eye. "Tell me, Jane, why should I waste my precious time on *you*?"

I shrugged in response.

"I dunno."

Dr. Crabblesnitch stood up straight.

"Because it's my calling! It's what I do!" The older man pointed at Jenny. "*You* excel at causing trouble..." He gestured to himself. "And while my expertise is in fixing little boys rather than little girls, I'm sure my methods could work on someone 'butch' such as you, eventually you'll be the respectable young woman that you're meant to be! I have a good feeling about you, Miss Hopkins, I'm sure you and I could grow to be great friends..."

*'Sure, whatever you say.'* was my first thought. Okay, not really. My first thought was actually: *'Did he just call me 'butch'? What does that even mean? That's a name, isn't it?'*

Regardless, I was able to see through this guy like glass. I was sure the Dr's definition of a "respectable woman" was probably a few decades passed.

I was starting to see a pattern...

"Now, you keep that nose clean girl, or I'll scrub it raw myself if I have to!" He turned to the open door of his office. The clacking of heels caught my attention, so I turned to look as well. The lady who'd met up with me and abandoned me at the gate earlier strutted through the door, a serving tray with a tea kettle and a matching tea cup set in her hands. "Ms. Danvers?"

"Yes, Headmaster, and I've got your tea..."

"You are good to me, Ms. Danvers"

"No more than you deserve... Headmaster," Ms. Danvers said demurely, setting the tray down on a nearby table.

*'Ugh, i'm gonna hurl. Might get me in trouble, but that's better than whatever i'm sitting through right now.'* I shifted in my seat a bit, looking away.

"Ms. Danvers, would you kindly take our new friend Miss Hopkins here to the girl's dorm so she can be properly attired?"

"Certainly Headmaster," Ms. Danvers turned in my direction. As she did, her expression instantly changed from pleased to something akin to a disgusted sneer. Like she was addressing a bug she'd accidentally stepped on. "Come along, girl. I haven't got all day,"

I stood up, but before I could finally leave, Crabblesnitch addressed me one last time.

"And remember, young lady, you will have a clean nose, so keep it clean; or we'll do it for you."

As I left Crabblesnitch's office, I pondered at my current situation.

*'So, here I am at the worst school in the country, whose alumi are nothing but arms dealers, serial killers, and corporate lawyers. Real scum. And that out-of-touch old creep thinks he can tame me? We shall see my friend, I only give people what they have coming to them'*

Oh, that's good, that's something I'll have to remember to write into my diary later. I stuffed it in my suitcase for safe keeping, which was *hopefully* put into my dorm room.

Ms. Danvers and I stepped back into the school's main office.

"Go, run along to the Girl's dorm, young Hopkins, i'm far too busy to deal with you." Ms. Danvers abruptly said, much to my confusion and a little bit of anger..

"Weren't you supposed to take me there? Like Dr. Crabblesnitch told you to do?" My mind thought back to those boys from earlier. I didn't doubt that they would try to harass me again, especially after what I'd done to their buddy.

"The girl's dorm is the first building to your right when you enter the school. I'm sure you can find it on your own. You'll have plenty of time to get unpacked as your schedule is still being set up due to your mother's inability to send in your admission slip on time. Now, get a move on, little miss." Ms. Danvers replied, pretty much ignoring the question.

Well, there went my security.

I struggled not to flip off Ms. Danvers on my way out as I left the building. On my way out I saw a group of well dressed guys who all simultaneously radiated an air of smug get into a fight with what I could only guess were a few background characters from the movie Grease.

What the hell was wrong with this place?!

*'Just gotta get to the Girl's dorm, and I can keep my head down till lunch. Seems like a solid enough plan to me.'* it wasn't like I had classes to go to, at least not until tomorrow, or, if I was lucky, the day after maybe; Until then, just keeping a low profile was the best option.

As I made my way down the steps, I noticed two of the bullies from earlier walking my way, the karate obsessed one and slingshot kid. Without hesistation, I began speed walking back to the large circle walkway near the entrance, the middle area separating the two dorms. In my haste, I figured going right was correct, going off of memory of what Ms. Danvers had told me minutes earlier. I mean, shoot, my memory couldn't have been that bad, could it?

*'Ms. Danvers said something about going right, so i'm going right. Screw it'*

It was only when I reached the front of the building that I realized I'd fucked up my directions. I could clearly make out the words, 'BOY'S DORM' above the entrance to the building.

The blond, Trent *if* my memory was correct - considering how I ended up here, I was justified in having my doubts - who had tried to shake me down for money earlier stood in front of the steps leading to the dorm's entrance. His lower lip was swollen and turning a nasty shade of red and purple. He was joined alongside two redheads - auburn on the right and maroonish in front of the two - dressed similarly to him on the stairs leading up to the Boy's Dorm.

"It's her! That's the new girl who did it, Wade! I'm gonna end up relegated to backstage duty for my next play because of her!" Trent motioned at me, then to his throbbing, already starting to redden lower lip as he addressed the leading redhead.

"YOU'RE GONNA GET IT WWIIMMMPPP" the other red haired boy to the left practically shouted out. I wasn't sure if the guy lacked an inside voice or if he was just *really* that mad about what I'd done to his buddie's lip.

"You're dead, new kid, DEAD!" The redhead who'd been referred to as "Wade" shouted, making his way down the steps with his fists up and at the ready.

I backed away and turned, ready to sprint away again. Instead, I found that there were 4 other people behind me. There were the two other boys from earlier, the karate kid and Slingshot blocking off the entrance along with a black haired boy with a hell of a black eye on his right eye in the middle of them, though he looked a bit nervous. I knew he was with them, though, with how similarly he was dressed, with the white school button up with jeans look.

Then there was the last member, and she probably stood out the most, even though she was clearly with them given her outfit. She was a blonde, like Trent; and while that probably didn't necessarily mean they were related, the way she smiled certainly matched the same one he'd had earlier. She had those... weird emo kid hairstrips, the ones with jagged purple and black stripes. Her button-up shirt was open, and under it was a black spaghetti strap undershirt.

Her makeup was all fucked up, streaks of eyeliner haphazardly swiped under her eyes onto her cheeks as well as on her lips, which had some purple lipstick on peeking out from underneath all the mess. It was like she'd done her makeup while she was in the middle of a mental breakdown, just swiping and swiping until she'd finally felt satisfied.

She wore striped arm warmers and even though she wore jeans to match with the other boys, they were noticeably ripped to the point where the right pant leg was just gone, cut off to probably the beginning of her thigh. Underneath that was a pair of thigh-high socks, similar in color to her hair strips and arm warmers. Her shoes were a pair of Chuck Taylor shoes, yet again, the same color scheme to the aforementioned other articles of clothing she had.

She still had the school issued skirt and tie, but even she'd managed to put her own... unique touch on how she'd worn them. The skirt was tattered, not really exposing anything since she wore jeans, but I was surprised she was bold enough to just wear them destroyed like that. Then there was the way she wore the tie, which had me all kinds of confused. She had it in her hair, using it as a hair tie to pull some of her long hair into a side ponytail.

It was kind of difficult not to notice and point out all the oddities of her outfit. It was just... all out there.

She held up a video camera and pointed it at me. Great, so she thinks she's gonna record me getting my ass kicked? Nice, real nice. What a goddamn joke. I was just gonna be a part of something her and her buddies would laugh at later.

"Yeah! Get her! Get the new kid!" the karate obsessed boy jeered.

*'Damn it, mom, why'd it have to be this school?'* I thought as Wade began to get closer and closer.

"You jerks are really pissing me off! That's not something you wanna do, I'm only gonna tell you once! Screw off!" I carried myself and threatened him in the most intimidating way I could. A part of me knew it wouldn't work, though. It rarely ever did.

It wasn't fair. People always just had to pick on me, and for what? For what goddamn reason?! Why was I some kind of target for people to pick on?!

"A bit late for that bitch! Now put up or shut up and i'll beat your ass!"

I grabbed at the strap of my purse, letting it slip off my shoulder and fall to the ground.

What right did these jerks have to push me around? What dumb justification did they have? It was probably some bullshit about them being sad or something, as if that gave them any right...

I scowled, stepping forward towards the taller red-head.

Well, no more. These guys were clearly asking for it, so they were going to get *exactly* what was coming to them. I'd make damn sure of it.

I didn't notice the growing crowd forming behind the bullies blocking my only exit. Mainly students lured by all the commotion going on. I hardly heard the yipping and yelling of the crowd, my anger and frustration causing it all to merge together into some incomprehensible mish-mash of sound.

Wade took a step toward me, getting within a distance where he could hit me; instead, my fist cracked against his face, and the sound of my knuckle hitting spongy skin made an unpleasant sound. The force caused Wade to stumble back. His body barely turned 180 degrees before he fell back. His body hit the stone ground, and, for a moment, it all went quiet aside for the sound of me exhaling angrily.

Trent and Troy looked down at Wade's knocked out body in surprise, then looked up at me. It wasn't long until Trent blurted something out.

"Grab her Ethan!"

Behind me, Ethan grabbed at my arms, clearly trying to restrain me, but I realized he wasn't that much taller than me, so I retaliated by headbutting him. I whipped around, realizing that it was the Kung-fu kid from earlier. I threw a hard punch at his gut, and it was enough to double him over.

With my back turned, Trent took the opportunity to grab what little hair I had on my head and yank me back, followed by him pinning my arms while Troy prepared to punch me in the face.

Bad idea.

I ducked at the last second, and instead of Troy's fist hitting me, he'd accidentally socked Trent in the jaw instead.

"OH NO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO-"

Trent let go of me, and I kneed Troy in the crotch. Returning the favor, my fist met the middle of Troy's face. I got a bit of a thrill as I felt some of the bones of his nose crack from the force. He screamed and fell over, his nose already gushing.

I backed away, now facing the rest of the jerks who were stupid enough to mess with me.

2 down... 3 more to go. Trent, black eye kid, and Slingshot.

The three came at me all at once. Black eye kid tried grabbing for me.

"Nobody beats on Tom's frie-AaagGGGHHhhh!"

I kicked the kid, whose name was Tom, apparently, hard in the groin. I slammed my head on the left side of his face, subconsciously hoping to give him another black eye just for being stupid enough to grab me.

Slingshot grabbed me, and I took Tom and shoved him at Slingshot, causing the both of them to topple over. Slingshot kid hit the ground rather hard, and with the weight of Tom, he was knocked out.

Then there were just two, me and Trent.

He caught me off guard. Trent threw a punch at my face, and it connected. I stumbled back, and he hit again. That time it was a kick to my gut.

I found myself stumbling back a bit, but rather than that screwing me over, instead I ducked his punches. Trent was a lot taller than me, and I knew an easy way to use that against him.

I backed off, ducking to avoid both his punches and kicks. This only agitated him further, and he tried to get closer.

Before he knew what I was doing, I charged at him. I ducked, wrapping my arms around his waist and tackling him to the ground. He couldn't even act, freezing up as I laid punches on his face and chest. I was nearly out of breath by the time I was done.

Eventually, Trent stopped resisting altogether, head lolling to the side as the only sound he made was some pained groans.

I stood up, and only then did I notice the crowd blocking the entrance.

Every single one of them was shocked, and for a moment, their reactions had me a bit giddy. Especially the other Bully girl who was dressed weird, who was still filming *everything.* She appeared as if she wasn't sure if she should still film everything or not.

I was tempted to laugh until I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Y-You! Bitch! Once I'm- I'm done with you! You'll be drinking from a straw!"

Behind me, Wade yelled, and I turned around just as he swung for my face clumsily, as if my earlier punch still had him a bit dazed. I grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn.

A smirk crossed my face knowing what I was about to do.

With Wade's back to me, I grabbed his jeans and gave him a wedgie, causing him to squeal in a high pitch. I kicked him in the lower back for good measure, and the combination of the kick and his dazed state caused Wade to lose his balance, and just like when I'd slugged him in the face earlier, he fell and knocked himself out on the concrete.

And then it was all over.

I turned to Trent, and just to rub salt in the wound, I snorted and spat a wad of snot and spit on him.

"That's what happens when you screw with Jenny Hopkins! Who's your momma! Yeah!" I raised a fist to the air in triumph. Sure, my face kinda hurt and I was sure it'd bruise like hell, but hey! Things were actually going my way for once! I totally taught those jerks a lesson!

The crowd at the entrance began murmuring, and while I didn't catch what everyone was saying, one sentence stood out to me for whatever reason.

"Wow, what an idiot. Russell isn't going to like this." One of the more snobbish, uptight voices in the crowd spoke, giving me pause.

I waved it off, and spat back.

"Pft, who's Russell? I'll kick his ass too!" I said proudly. I'd already beaten all these guys. How could another dude be any more trouble?

My newfound confidence proved to be short-lived, however, as I began to feel the earth shake from beneath me.

An Earthquake? In New England?

No, that couldn't have been it, did they even have earthquakes in New England? What else could it be?

Whatever it was, it couldn't have been anything good, judging by how the crowd that surrounded the entrance to the Boy's Dorm just seconds earlier seemingly vanished without a trace, including the weirdly dressed girl.

A loud, ear shattering bang of wood hitting stone sounded behind me.

I twirled around, my usual squinted eyes now wide open in *bafflement* at the sight of the possible missing link in human evolution that she'd kept hearing about from those Bigfoot hunting shows.

At the top of the steps to the Boy's Dorm, an overly large ogre of a - Adult? Teen? I couldn't tell - student, judging by the uniform, stood as tall as he was wide, his frame taking up the entirety of the double door frame. He took one look at me, and then the group of boys laying prone on the concrete.

If this was a cartoon, I was sure there'd be steam pouring out of his ears. His face was redder than a chili pepper from rage.

He yelled, literally roaring as if he was some kind of beast instead of a man... boy...

...Whatever...

"YOU'RE DEAD, NEW KID! DEAD! ROAARRR!"

*'Fuck my life.'*

The brown haired beast rushed toward me, and for the first time in forever, I was stuck in place and couldn't move.

His fist met my face, nearly knocking me off balance. I felt a hot fluid spray out of my nose from the hit, and my hands clasped my nose immediately after, coming back colored in a dark red that contrasted heavily with the light freckled skin of my hands.

I yelped, stepping back as the beast roared again and beat his chest like a goddamn gorilla. Before he could unleash another blow, however, a voice I didn't recognize yelled from behind me.

"Russell! Russell, no sir! Back off of that girl at once!"

I turned and saw as a thin, young adult woman with yellowish blonde hair ran towards Russel and I, getting in between the two of us. She started grabbing at my shoulders firmly as a way to get ahold of me and away from the much bigger boy in front of us.

My nose blood trailed down my mouth, and I tasted copper - A taste I was all too familiar with - as I looked to the woman who was now focused on Russell.

"That'll be enough of that young man! I know your mother taught you better than to lay your hands on a fellow student like that!" The woman who couldn't have been that much older than me barked to the boy who towered over her. The over developed brute didn't give much of a reaction. In fact, it didn't seem like the kid even had much of anything going on upstairs.

Yet he complied, stomping back into the Boy's Dorm, like a well-fed bear returning to its cave to hibernate for the winter.

I sniffed, looking up at the woman.

A teacher that actually gave a shit for once? It was like I'd found a 4-leaf clover... or something like that.

When the woman turned to me, her face looked like she'd been on the verge of bursting into tears at any moment. Yet when she spoke again, her voice was weak and quiet, but not really wobbly like you'd usually notice from somebody about to cry.

"Oh dear... Your nose is bleeding... I really ought to take you to see the nurse for that, it could be broken..." She pointed at the main school building, to the left door next to the main entrance. "The nurse's office is just right there."

I shook my head.

"N-no, it's fine. I know what a broken nose feels like and what I've got... isn't it." I said, blowing my nose and feeling a bit of blood ooze out. To say I was familiar with having my nose broken would be like asking me if I was familiar with eating. Or breathing. "I just need a napkin or tissue, whichever one I can get a hold of."

The lady still looked a bit worried, but she didn't hesitate to dig into the satchel she had hung on her shoulder. She brought out a small pack of tissues sealed in a plastic wrapping, opening it and offering some of them to me.

"Here, you ought to make your way into the Girl's dorm. It's the building just over there. Mrs. Peabody is inside, and she'll make sure you're taken good care of. She looks after the girls here in Bullworth Academy."

She stuffed the remaining tissues back in her satchel as I tore and stuffed the pieces of it up my nostrils to block the blood flow. I felt and looked dumb, but that was better than getting blood everywhere.

Begrudgingly, I thanked the blonde woman, and in response, she gave me a smile. It was... rather nice. But I didn't give much of a response other than a nod. Adults tended to be two-faced and phony, and for all I knew, this was just gonna be something temporary.

"Oh no need to thank me, miss, I'm just doing my job." she gave me a pat on the back, which simultaneously felt a bit patronizing... but also kinda nice.

Huh, it looked like she really was just a nice lady. At least something was going good for me today.

"My name is Dr. Lamb, i'm Mrs. Peabody's aid as well as the school's guidance counselor. We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other from now on," Dr. Lamb looked around at the bullies who were currently writhing around in pain on the ground. I noticed she had a frown on her face, which made sense given what she had to deal with now... thanks to me no less.

"Go ahead and get yourself settled over in the Girl's Dorm. Mrs. Peabody might be a little strict, but she genuinely does care for the well-being of all the girls here in the Academy. I'll just take these boys over to Nurse McCrae."

I looked around and only then really took in the carnage I'd caused. Trent, Wade, and the rest of their buddies were sprawled out all around us. At least two of them had a bloody nose, and the kid with the thick Brooklyn accent had a tooth knocked out and a small trickle of blood trailing down his lips. Yeesh, I might've headbutted him harder than I thought. Wade's underwear peaked out of the back of his pants as he laid face down, clearly stretched out from the wedgie I'd given him.

I felt like grinning, but I felt that'd probably upset Dr. Lamb. She'd already been so nice to me, fucking up her opinion of me by being my typical snarky bitch self would suck.

"Yeah, I'll just get going... Thanks Dr. Lamb..."

I looked to the Girl's Dorm, only to notice her, the girl from before who'd been recording everything, running back to the scene. I'd been prepared to beat her ass like I'd done to her friends when she just bumped into me, running past *without* apologizing and yelling:

"Guys! Don't worry, I've got my healing crystals!"

A chorus of groans came from the boys lying down, and I stifled a laugh before making my way to the Girl's dorm properly.

[kogo-dogo]

I saw your reply on a post of someone I follow and I am demanding to know what horny goth phase the tes fandom went through, please.

Well, this was back in the mid 2000s. TESNexus wasn't a thing, the UESP wasn't in wiki form, and Oblivion was on the cusp of being released. The TES fandom was scattered across online forums, with the two major players being the official Bethesda forums (sane) and the Planet Elder Scrolls forums (decidedly less sane).

The Bethesda forums is where you went if you were a normal fan who wanted to have healthy lore debates, occasionally talk to a dev, or figure out why a bug was happening. It was pretty placid in terms of internet forums of the time, since it was Official™ and more rigorously moderated, so it was an all-in-all safe place to be in the fandom.

Planet Elder Scrolls was owned by GameSpy and was basically Nexus before Nexus. Just a mod archive with a forum attached. There were no devs or anyone official, so the forums were completely fan-run and... and it showed. PES is where you went if you wanted to see what emboobened statue or enemy that Westly wanted to make fuckable, or to watch the adventures of some dude named CaptainJordan who would download every conceivable mod and had an entire thread dedicated to how they fucked up ("Cjad died here... twice"). PES is where you went if you wanted to get yelled at by a grumpy grown man with a Khajiit avatar who swore in Akatosh that if you asked ONE MORE TIME where the Dwemer Puzzle Cube was, he was going to have an aneurysm.

I spent a lot of my teenage years on Planet Elder Scrolls.

One of the admins of PES was a big name fan of the era, and one some people still know: AlienSlof. She was a former Quake modder in her 40s who fell in love with Morrowind and began churning out art and novels-worth of writing and mod after mod after mod. A lot of female and queer fans gravitated toward her, I think, because she was old enough to not give a fuck about how gaming was, at the time, a very straight male-dominated hobby and she was very unashamed about taking up space. She came in, set up her site, and calmly informed everyone that she made mods for herself, she shared them out of the kindness of her heart, and that she wasn't going to change them for anyone. Fuck you.

And what mods did she make? Well, horses for one. She liked horses. You could get a lot of pretty horse mods from her, though she didn't really blossom in that regard until Oblivion was released.

Oh. And she also liked pretty goth men and big dicks.

She created the Goth Shop mods for her Altmer OC because she couldn't find anything sufficiently gothic or slutty enough for male characters, and then released them into the wild to mixed reviews. Over on the Bethesda forums, you had a lot of straight men stomping their feet that it was all clothes for men and they would like to see some slutty, slutty mesh shirts and crotchless chaps for girls (to which Slof scoffed and said, "Not everything is for you"). On the PES side, you had queer dudes and fujoshis and edgelords who were high-fiving and hooting and hollering and slapping nipple pasties on Dremora and emo wigs on Argonians and creating entire threads dedicated to the adventures of their slutcore tradgoth Dunmer.

There were nightclubs made with Daedric ruin assets. There were people creating their dark anime husbandos using the fucking Jenova's Child mod (LITERALLY A MOD THAT LETS YOU MAKE THE DUDES FROM ADVENT CHILDREN) and Slof's clothes. And when Oblivion released and Xbox meatheads began to flood in, mostly to the tune of, "lol wat r u losers doin," it only deepened. Slof almost immediately made a goth shop for Oblivion, too, and it just kept going.

I won't lie, it was some of the most fun I've ever had in the fandom. People dropkicked lore to the curb for a brief shining moment to create the cabal of "no gods, no masters, only leather." But yeah, there was a time in the TES fandom that a not-insignificant number of people--spurred by a stubborn 40 year old goth woman--veered into horny goth territory at the speed of a NASCAR driver about to flip his fucking car.

[eisforeidolon]

I recently went down a rabbithole and came across some of the most idiotic nonsense I've ever seen.

Someone asked the blog I'm quoting below what they thought the reason for prequel gate was and I'm just flabbergasted at the insane armchair psychology presented as fact. This person clearly has no idea what co-depency actually means and yet they have a whole buch of posts spanning multiple years where they repeat this nonsense over and over again (newsflash: you can't diagnose people you've never even spoken to from afar).

Not to mention calling Jensen "under-functioning" or "low functioning" (and his parents too in some posts, it's genetic apparently /facepalm).

This person seems as insightful and trustworthy as goob to me, but because it isn't as immediately obvious by their writing style (compared to goob's barely comprehensible ramblings), people take them seriously and they have at least a small amount of followers who seem to believe every word they say.

(Though it seems to be mostly Jared stans who are only to happy to believe anything negative about Jensen, no matter how unqualified the source and how ridiculous the claims.)

I just can't roll my eyes hard enough:

"You'll find the answer to most of your questions in the codependency tag.  The short answer is Jensen was trying to be good enough for Jared by creating a project on his own without Jared's help or leadership.

Let's take out the codependency aspect and just look at basic male competitiveness even between friends.  Men go through the competition phase with each other in order to determine hierarchy and once that’s established, then they “reconcile” and move into the cooperate phase and even become loyal friends.  Nothing demonstrates this better than the Top Gun movies, which is actually about a love story between Maverick and Iceman.   "Frenemies" is not supposed to happen among men, instead it's more common among women because they go from competition to cooperation and back to competition.  Jensen is a bit under-functioning, so he goes back to competing with Jared even though Jared is not competing with him; there’s no need to change the hierarchy.  At the same time Jensen was competing for Jared in order to continue their Maverick and Iceman love story."

Let's talk about Goob for a second. Goob wants to present himself as a totes unbiased observer with super secret insider knowledge ... that just always ~*somehow*~ happens to validate that D/C is the center of the universe.

Not just fandom, but people at large? Have a tendency to question something far less to not at all when it agrees with what they already want to believe. The problem is, you don't just have to want to believe with Goob, you also have to get past how he writes in word-salad rants, makes factual statements/predictions that are proven directly indisputably false all the time, and throws out claims that are blatantly fantasyland batshit like Kripke stealing the YED from him or his having been personally involved in TW, is clearly wanting to bilk fandom for money - among other issues. Goob is so bad at what he's trying to do you have to be completely fucking desperate AND incredibly thick to continue to buy into it.

There are people in this fandom a lot better at it than Goob. Who can write a coherent paragraph. Who know how to flimflam enough to not directly say things like 'X [did/will] happen on Y date' which are easy to catch out as blatantly factually false - there's a lot of 'it's just my opinion (even though I keep stating it as fact)'! Who aren't obtuse enough to claim their super speshul insider knowledge is directly personally in SPN, just ~*the industry*~ in general that just so happens to tell them everything about how BTS on SPN must have operated in minute, exact detail!

So if, say, you already want to believe Jared is the center of the universe around which all existence revolves - even that of his own friends' who are just desperate to earn the approval of such an amazing godlike being they obviously can't help but feel inferior to in every possible way? You maybe don't notice the absurdity when somebody claims to be a fan of Jensen but constantly laments the fact he can't be so much smarter/more talented/business savvy/fashionable/whatever like Jared, woe! You maybe don't notice the double standard always leaning one way when somebody insists in one post that when X applies to Jared it proves he's popular/cool/savvy, and five posts later, X applying to Jensen proves that he's forgettable/lame/dumb, actually. You maybe don't notice when they spout off a bunch of psychobabble gibberish with no qualifications in the field on top of zero personal experience with the people they're incorrectly diagnosing. (Honestly, that one's even less noticeable because so many fans do it so cluelessly all over the place ... not as if that makes it better, but.)

The difference between them and Goob isn't a matter of what they're trying to do, it's a matter of basic competence in the attempt. Goob just can't help being so very Goob about everything - and again, even he has people willing to swallow it whole because they WANT the validation of it being true so so blindly. Conversely, no matter how competent anybody else's sleight-of-hand, they're only going to distract the audience who already agree with their underlying agenda from being able to see the light catch on the wires.

[corruptedroses]

I'll anon this, but you already know who this is. I just dont need people questioning my taste in men /j

But serious note: Can I have some NSFW headcanons of either Servais and Bane (your pick) with a stressed out S/O who is tense they cant seem to relax? Go wild with what you want, all I ask is consent and aftercare is involved if it gets super kinky-Your local stressed out college psych major who is about to commit book homicide.

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— Relax with me

Fandom — Identity V Pairing — The Gamekeeper | Bane/reader Content Warnings — fingering, sexual tension, marking, possessive behavior, implied AFAB reader (no genitals mentioned/pronouns used) Author's note — horni

Bane is used to being observant about others around him, especially since his friends have been animals prior to his involvement with the manor games. It would be hard to sneak past him that you were stressed since he knew you like the back of his hand.

Also given he's involved in the Manor games more than the others, he has a few... additional permissions to do. He was able to pull a few strings and get you excluded from the games for a little while, but he knew that wasn't the only thing that would help you.

He'd come to you when you were in your room, making sure you knew he was there with a few taps on your door frame before he walks in, making sure that door was shut behind him.

He'd start off slow, making sure that you were ok, that you were in a good place to have a discussion and make sure that you had a clear head. If you make the clear he would move onto his next phase, suggesting he knows a way to ease the tension.

It starts as a back massage, his fingers, rough and calloused from the work he has put himself through, able to dig into those little spots where he eases knots, he's playing you like a fiddle, holding you, touching you. He waits until you're settled before he begins to let his hands wander; your chest, your thighs, he wants to touch all of you, feel you.

If you're responding well, he'll kiss you. Given he wears a prosthetic in order to do things like to talk [be it with a slur when he feels comfortable doing so] or eat [having a second one to do that], he cannot taste you fully. It pains him to know that he will never know how you taste, how your tongue feels roaming against his own, but he makes sure that it's soft, and gentle, keeping you pressed in your chair as he ravishes your body with his hands.

He wants to claim you, mark you, make you his, he has been desiring you from the moment he met you and you have filled his head ever since. To have seen you stressed, tired, tense, it made his want to make you safe grow even more, especially as his fingers began to grow dangerously close to your center, close to where you had begun to throb and be needy.

He knew deep in himself that if he were to be inside of you he wouldn't want to stop, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else but fucking you deeply, making sure you never went a day without his seed dripping down your leg, so instead he made do with his fingers, working at your bottoms to allow them to be skin to skin, flesh to flesh, watching your face as you whimper and groan, wanting him, needing him.

He would pay attention, this was for you, after all, he would gauge the way you reacted to his touches, his presses, his ghosting of fingers over your sex as he touched you, committed you to memory. You were the finest piece of artwork he had seen, especially as you whimpered with just his fingers.

Marking you with teeth, with saliva, with want, he would work you slowly, surely, making sure that you are enjoying every bit of what he does for you, making you commit his touches to your memory. He wanted to make sure that you remembered this, that the next time you tried to get yourself off you would be thinking of him, craving him, desiring him. He wants to be the one that you associate with this feeling, associate with this pleasure, especially as he would steal your breath.

Coming undone would be the best part, blessing his eyes, blessing his fingers as he watched you cum over his fingers, hands and wrist, admiring how small you are compared to him, how his fingers stretched you out despite only having two inside. He wanted to fuck you full, make sure that you would be dripping with his cum, especially as his dick was straining the front of his pants, but he couldn't, he shouldn't—

If you invited him, however, how could he refuse?

[saxophones]

What made you detransition or rather how did you realize you no longer identify as such? /gen

Well basically I went to a gender therapist per the recommendation of my regular therapist (who fully believed I was trans but she didn't feel comfortable prescribing HRT considering her lack of experience in the field). I had about 20 sessions with him and at one point after about 8 he said that based on the criteria for gender dysphoria he was prepared to write me a prescription for HRT but he wanted to know that I was comfortable with it. I realized I wasn't because giving up the possibility of having biological children hit me like a huge truck. I am aware that some trans men can get pregnant but it's not a sure thing for everyone and also the idea of being perceived as a pregnant man made me very uncomfortable (back then I would have said dysphoric, in reality I'm sure it was just the social stigma), more uncomfortable than the idea of being perceived as a pregnant woman. I am adopted and I have seen firsthand how hard it was for my mom to not have her own bio kids. She still feels sad about it even though I am enough for her. I had always planned on having kids and went through a phase when I was 15 or 16 where I was researching pregnancy in-depth. This should have been another sign I was cis lol.

Anyway so I told my gender therapist I wanted to wait and have a couple kids with a likeminded bisexual cis man or trans woman and then transition. We then spent several sessions talking about other things entirely. In my mind I still identified as a closeted trans man for another year or so but I only told my boyfriend at the time who was bi so he didn't care and I un-came out to my parents - told them it was just a phase and they were relieved. :(

While I was dating that guy, I had a huge crush on a different cis guy who was straight. With this straight guy I would fantasize about having a straight relationship and straight sex, and eventually I did start dating him but didn't really feel the desire to come out to him as trans. I felt weird about having come out to my old bf and I wished that I could just pretend to be a cis woman again to everyone I knew. At some point it occurred to me that while the obvious explanation for this is that trans identity is stigmatized, many trans people do feel relieved when they come out regardless, especially to people that are as supportive as my boyfriend and friends were. It instead occured to me that I wanted to present as a cis woman because I WAS a cis woman but I was still kind of throwing ideas around in my head, not sure what was going on.

Then I happened to go on the subreddit for OCD and they had a bunch of subreddits for specific obsessions listed in the sidebar. I didn't know what /r/tocd stood for so I checked it out and it turns out there is a pretty common subtype of OCD based on the persistent idea that you're trans despite no evidence for this or pre-existing desire to transition (I think the sub is /r/transOCD now). I read through a bunch of posts on there and it basically explained everything I had gone through in the past few years. It was an OCD-based intrusive thought like my old ideas about having to do every problem in the math textbook or having to wear purple to open my crown chakra. Unfortunately this one was spurred on by a bit of social pressure like those posts that are like, "If you even are thinking about being trans, that means you're trans, cis people don't think about this shit" and egg memes on Reddit. Obviously there is also social pressure to NOT be trans but when you've filtered your social circle so stringently that it doesn't include any bigots and therefore anyone who would pressure you to not be trans, the pressure to accept it if you're thinking about it can be stronger in reality.

Like I'm sure that a lot of people who wonder if they're trans are the real deal, a much higher number than the general population, but people with OCD should stay far away from ideas like "If you think about X you are X." OCD makes you fixate on completely random things that have nothing to do with reality, they're not necessarily things you're afraid of, just because you fixate on being trans doesn't mean you're afraid of trans people or dislike them - it just means it's something that your brain has decided to latch onto because it's stuck in a horrible anxiety loop. Maybe I was afraid of being a man in women's spaces and the anxiety that unconsciously provoked in them, or of never coming across as feminine enough, or of my hypersexuality meaning that I was some sort of failed woman. There may very well be a rational root of the obsession but unfortunately TERFs and other people skeptical of trans people existing at all will take that and spin it to be an explanation for everyone who identifies as FTM. I'm sure a lot of trans men had similar feelings to me growing up in a lot of areas but the difference is that they have male brains and I simply don't, they're happier being men socially and physically as much as possible and I am happy with the opposite. So I hope no one takes my personal experience out of its personal context. If you have any more questions feel free to ask and sorry for the novel :)

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Fr, I don’t understand the right with which some people talk about the body of Evan’s ex-girlfriends. I mean what is the problem? It’s not like you guys are having sex with them or something, at the end of the day Evan was with them, he might have seen something maybe?? We can talk shit about Emma sure, she’s an abuser, but it seems to me that messing with her body or anyone else’s is another matter that had nothing to do.

yes, i think everyone would be better served to not fixate on the appearance of his exes and also comparing themselves - we went through a whole phase where a few people on here were super sensitive about whether or not evan would date this race of woman, this body type, this height etc.. and it really is just not necessary to cause yourself all this upset trying to ponder these things. it doesn’t matter.

evan is just one man, with his own preferences and his own taste. just like you and me, and everyone else. it doesn’t mean because evan generally dates thin women that he would have disdain for someone because they’re big. and that’s the only reason you should feel upset, is if you were to believe he literally would have a problem with you.. because worrying about whether or not a stranger finds you fuckable is just silly. i’m sure there’s plenty of more accessible men you ladies can find who would absolutely want to get you in bed lmao

[mademoiselle-red]

Chapter 5 reread (part 2): thoughts

“Long afterwards, when he knew more, this was a thing he always remembered about Andrew, that he took it for granted one would regard maturity as a thing to be desired.” Haha I definitely also went through this phase during my quarter life crisis years 😅, classic Peter Pan Syndrome: “Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.”

Speaking of Peter Pan, this bit from the play reminded me of part in the The Phaedrus that describes how the horses would grow wings and enable to soul to take flight towards heaven, but only if the charioteer remains chaste

Jane: Why can't you fly now, Mother?

Wendy: Because I'm grown up, sweetheart; when people grow up they forget the way.

Jane: Why do they forget the way?

Wendy: Because they are no longer young and innocent. It is only the young and innocent that can fly.

“‘I thought I wouldn’t bother with a car.’ He recognized, sinking, her defensive voice. ‘It was rather extravagant, you know, with the buses running so conveniently.’” Laurie resented how being with Straike has changed his mother’s behavior. This also plants the seeds of fear that he would lose his own judgement if he entered into a romantic relationship. Obviously it’s not good to lose your identity and let your partner tell you want to think, but growing closer in thinking and sensibility under each other’s influence is also a natural result of intimacy (not limited to couples). It’s about finding the right balance between “I” and “we”. But for most of the book, Laurie is convinced that there is only a choice between two extremes, the fully independent self-reliant “I” and the collective group-think “we”. Like with the charioteer metaphor, Laurie discovers at the end of the book that there is no choice between the white and black horses: the key to moving forward is to find ways to make them work together.

“She would never now, as he once had dreamed, say to him […] “tell me nothing, it is enough that no other woman will ever take you from me.” Like with Andrew, Laurie uses his love for his mother as an excuse to avoid acting on his sexuality. The oedipal excuse allows him to both rationalize (to his mother and society) his disinterest in women and his devotion to her would give him a “legitimate” reason to reject relationships with men.

Andrew, opening the subject rather shyly since Laurie had not seen fit to do so, said, “I hope it was alright today, when your mother came.”

“Yes, thanks,” said Laurie. “Yes, it was quite all right.” But lest Andrew should feel snubbed or hurt he produces a few limp platitudes, which Andrew went through the form of accepting as real. It was a sad little session; but he could feel Andrew thinking as he thought, that tomorrow it would be all right.”

Third time is the charm right? Nope. Andrew does not know how to emotionally support and comfort a friend who clearly needs it. Combine that with Laurie’s “hard logic of love” comment later in the book, I am reminded of the Puritans and their belief that comfort leads to indulgence, which is supposedly sinful. Ralph also seems to share this belief, but while Ralph only denies comfort to himself but provides it to others (Laurie, Bim, Mervyn) on a case by case basis, Andrew denies it (in his usual insistence on moral consistency) to everyone, most notably Laurie and Charlot.

It’s very clear by now that it’s not just queerness they can’t discuss because of Andrew’s “innocence”. Laurie cannot talk to Andrew about anything that actually matters to him, because Andrew always makes it about himself and his pacifist moral choices (that Laurie doesn’t actually give a shit about). So now Laurie just tells Andrew everything is fine and licks his own wounds alone 😭

“Her spinsterly no-nonsense kindness was independent, intact, and did not stir his unacknowledged sense of betrayal. Before the end they got quite gossipy together.” I read this as Laurie believing in the back of his mind that his enjoyment of the physical therapy and Miss Halliburton’s company is a betrayal of his earlier apprehension about the treatment and his disappointment in losing time spent with Andrew. It’s an early and subtle example of Laurie feeling a sense of self-betrayal when he finds himself liking something that he had decided he isn’t supposed to like.

“Though the Charles episode had been disillusioning, he hadn’t given up hope of finding himself club able after all.” Another indication that Laurie actually enjoys being flirted to and likes the idea of parties, but feels that he ought not to, and resents everyone who actually flirts with him and tries to have fun at the party.

"Who did you say?"

"Oh, d'you know Ralph Lanyon?"

As if he had been drifting in uncertainly-eddying water, and felt the sudden, authoritative pull of an ocean current, Laurie said easily and clearly, very much."

Raaaaaaalph!

I love how Laurie is so powerfully drawn to Ralph before the man even shows up! It’s like those things people put in love songs: I was drifting along until you found me~

I also I love how Laurie went from his faux nonchalance about Ralph earlier in the chapter with Andrew to “Omg did you say Ralph Lanyon? 😍😍😍”

[blorger]

heyy. firstly wanna say how much i appreciate your blog. im not new to the HP fandom, but its been years and i only started reading HP ships recently. i went straight to your blog to look for fic recs, and like other drarry creators! you are an immense wonder.

i also want to ask if, perhaps, you know any fics that have a focus/plotline where he truly process his dad being... a massive asshole in school? like, james' way of getting with lily was... 💀 im just currently very men repellent rn, and im projecting that to the marauders LMAOOO. i rly wanna see harry being angry and like "wtf was their problem???"

anyways. thanks and sorry for the weird ask 👍

Thank you friend, I don't really see myself as a reccer so this was a rare treat for me.

That said, since I'm not a pro, I couldn't think of a single fic that fit the bill...I actually think you stumbled upon a vastly underexplored subject there! Most fics tend to go more into Harry's myriad of other traumas so the whole parental disappointment thing only ever gets mentioned in passing (in the fics I read at least) in a very "Harry had learned about the perils of idolising one's parents back in fifth year, when he'd had to reckon with the fact that his father was not as perfect as he'd initially thought" kinda way, if it gets mentioned at all.

That said, if you're in a "fuck the patriarchy" phase, mayhaps you might be interested in Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love by aibidil? It's about Hermione fighting the good fight and trying to get the conversation of consent going in the magical world (and the shit she has to go through because of that); don't worry, there's also bonings in-between all the feminist talk.

I don't read many fics set in the marauders era but maybe there's some that explore the whole James being a dick thing?

Outside input is greatly appreciated friends, if you've got the goods share with the class pls.

xoxo

[alyosiuscreightonward]

I saw this and thought, “Yo. What the absolute fuck are you talking about??!!”

If your heart is breaking just because of this meme, then maybe you should go ahead and swallow a fucking bandaid.

Please let me enlighten you about how shit happens. Some people are destined and some are not.

As an example, I have this coffee mug that is supposed to remind me that as a Scorpion, I’m Brave, Focused and Balanced. I call bullshit and to further elucidate on the subject, you have no fucking clue.

Yes, I’m brave enough to admit that I’ve got mental health issues and I’m on a first name basis with ALL of my neuroses. I’m focused enough to get through it somehow. I’m also balanced enough to have my manic phases and not to let the world know that I’m having suicidal ideations. Oh, yeah. That just touches you and you feel like some kind of way about it.

It’s not because of my childhood traumas, nope. That shit I can deal with and have. It’s more of my adult life and the traumas I’ve experienced.

During my years going to school, I knew I was not the one. I had crushes on several people but I knew that if I bought them a Rolex, they wouldn’t give me the time of day. Same thing happened in high school, but 40+ years later, I still have my heart broken for one guy. As a Taurus, he feels that me having feelings for him is inconceivable and he screams, “I’m not GAY!!” Dude. I never wanted sex. Never. To this day, he still believes that two men just holding each other in an embrace is an abomination.

Then along came my first boyfriend, a Leo. He did at one point did love me but it was always on his terms and if I didn’t adhere to that then he’d just dump all over me. My 2nd boyfriend, I’m not sure what sign of the zodiac he was but he was so good to me and if I hadn’t moved, he’d be in my life. We went our separate ways. Then after him, years later I found myself ensconced in the arms of a Gemini who had literally chased after me. I let a year or so go by before I had a date with him.

This specific Gemini led me to believe that I was the only one. It was so much for me to actually move to FLA to be with him. It was good for a while. In the throes of passion, he slapped me on the ass. I spun around and almost clocked him. I said no to that. I said that I had been beaten by my parents and when they did it they were either drunk or clearly on their way to being sloshed. They’d be black out drunk and they wouldn’t remember that they had beaten me for whatever imaginary reason.

My 3rd boyfriend and I were going well in our relationship but I learned that he had personal hygiene issues. He’d wear the same clothes for I don’t know how long and he wouldn’t even brush his teeth. It then turned into a nightmare. He was away for about a month before he dumped me.

The back story is that he wanted me to be both Ozzie and Harriet. I was to go to work and bring home the bacon and the instant I got home, I was to put on my Harriet bonnet and start cooking dinner because he was hungry. I had barely enough time to take off my suit and tie before he started to say shit. I had to apologize to him because being on SSDI and home doing absolutely nothing, I needed to genuflect for being allowed to be in that space with him. Anyway, he was gone and on vacation. I was struggling to pay all the bills for the household. I apparently didn’t pay the cable bill for whatever reason. So now he had been home for a week or so by now and then in the middle of The Sopranos season finale, the cable got shut off. I clearly remember him calling the cable company and paying the bill. I thought it was just a bump in the road and we’d move on from that now. WRONG!!!

Two days later he came to me and told me that we were done. He granted me permission to stay in the house and save money so I could get the fuck out of his life and never to return. I learned later that I was the cause for all of his pain and suffering. Excuse me?!?! I could not have plotted against him to the point where he had to get a pacemaker for his atrial fibrillation. I didn’t know that I had that kind of power over him.

This was back in 2002. I moved back home to be closer to my mother who had just retired. When she passed, I moved again to The ATX.

A few other things happened during that time period and my best friend had then moved to The ATX to be with me. After 38 years of being friends, we got married and then more shit happened. He too had passed but we had 43 years together in the end.

Today it’s 2024 and I’ve been alone since. My husband and I truly loved each other but we both agreed not to consummate our relationship. He was too much and I am a prude. He’d open up the store and give the goods away. Me, I need more time before I would wear my ankles for earrings.

So between 2002 and now, I’ve had a dalliance but I’ve been alone. I’ve told people that if their former partner is in need of help or a hug, they could let me know. I was greeted with, “They don’t have any desire…” I had to reiterate that if that person was in need, I’d be more than happy but I have no desire or need for that. Uh…apparently they hadn’t heard lyrics…”I’d do anything for love but I won’t do that.” Boundaries motherfucker.

Y’all need to get a grip and stop trying to make shit happen. If was destined to become reality, then let it happen organically and don’t force it. Recently I told someone that I had feelings and that after 20 years of hiding them from the world, I could feel them. As usual it ends in disaster and disappointment and that’s all on me. So please don’t. I’m going to die alone and I’m okay with that.

[ruminate88]

Soul, Mind and Body:

Before the emotional abuse, I weighed 125 lbs. I dealt with 3 toxic men but only dated 2 of them. By the time I’m with Andrew, I’m up to 127 lbs. I know that isn’t a lot more weight but I stayed that way for years!! I went to the gym 3 times a week during the love bomb phase with Andrew. I felt so impowered, motivated and like I needed to impress Andrew. The energy between us was fire at that time 🔥I would Snapchat him from the gym and he would compliment me and flirt with me so hard… I didn’t lose any weight though… I was trying to eat so healthy too. I was just on a major high! I was just getting badly obsessed with Andrew though!!!! 🥺

Towards the end of the relationship with Andrew and after we break up, I’m just living on Mountain Dew really. I’ve quit the gym now. I can’t even think of that place without being overly emotional becuase that place represented when I felt my best with Andrew. For sure after we broke up, we went through a phase where he’s still flirting with me, calling me beautiful and trying to get my nudes but he claims he doesn’t want a relationship and shames and blames me for continuing to talk dirty with him. Says I make him weak and it’s all my fault he keeps coming back to “be with me”. Says I don’t respect our friendship 🤪🥴😳😭 I mean… I wore that too. I spoke up and told him “it takes two” that he’s also just as responsible which he won’t accept. It’s all me, none of him but the whole time I can’t eat ANYTHING 😝 there was so much drama and heat between us!

A couple years later, I’m now married to someone else and feel like I’m in an okay safe place where I can eat and be happy. No one blaming me for anything or working against me. So, I can eat and I still am a heavy Mountain Dew drinker!! Now I’m up to 133 lbs. the most I ever weighed!! Covid happens and the stress of covid was actually the eye opener for me to realize I was losing hair and that my stomach was all messed up! Randomly I had burning in my esophagus for weeks and I lost 25 lbs out of no where!!

No one had the answers to what was going on. I began to stop eating and of course I gave up Mountain Dew. I went from 133 lbs. down to 113 lbs. down to 106 lbs. None of my clothes would fit! I couldn’t eat hardly anything without feeling so bloated and full. I couldn’t even feel the “hunger” feeling. Everyone was worried and begging me to eat. I WANTED TO EAT!!! I just couldn’t 😭😭😭

okay… off and on my stomach would act up and I couldn’t understand it fully. I read that emotional abuse takes a toll on your nervous system and can cause various physical problems including IBS and digestive issues. One day it all clicks in my brain that your soul, mind and body are all one and if your mental is suffering, so is your body. So it’s really a mental thing caused by the emotional abuse!!!

today I’m around 102 lbs…. When I look in the mirror, I see bones and baggy clothes. 😢 I eat but I get so full so quick cuz my stomach has shrunk AND when I am full, I have to get up and walk around to help digest my food. I have to make sure I have plenty of fiber. I’m okay now. Just when I look at photos of the old me and the new me, wow… I’m sooooo skinny like sickening looking and my face has aged some for sure!!! But I’m still ok. It’s one day at a time and just keep going forward.

When I first lost the weight, I stupidly thought “oh wow I’m skinny I bet my exes wish they still had me now” 🤪🤪 that’s so delusional and messed up! My exes don’t give a care about my health 🥴😝 I have learned a very hard lesson that they’ve programmed me to seek their approval and I have to break free from that!! I HAVE to take care of myself and do it for me only. It’s sad to think I was so in love with Andrew when he does not care one ounce about if I’m okay or healthy or happy. Get it through my skull 💀 ugh 😣

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Great Train Job

*rhytmic chanting* Train Heist, Train Heist, Train Heist! --- Two Men (wether partners in business or life) talk about their rough times right now. They'll get through it. Angry mob with baseballs (yeah, this is definitly a Homophobia thing.)

Man, i know the name is meant to evoke that "old west movie with a trainheist" idea but did they really need to twirl that stache? --- half of their crops lost to a blight. Now hatecrimes. Hatecrime, and poison. Add in the name: Its a land thing, the railway company is trying to steal their land. --- Parker is taking the victims to the Ritz, "bet you its cobalt poisoning" Elliots shock that the new the deskjockey-lawyer can identify the poison.

Redemption list. (Yacht debacle) Prop reuse, Whitcomb is holding that generator-thingy from the in the OG series where they almost made a guy jump off a roof because they full-on inceptioned him. Thought I wouldnt notice, but I did. Parker isnt even here to see the briefing but she senses from across town that there is a rare, limited-edition novelty safe and instantly parachutes across town.

Im sorry Sophie, why are we giving this guy benefit of the doubt? --- Parker robs an old lady for a ticket. (which is a problem cause we already had tickets)

For some reason our heroes are afraid of bachelorette parties. --- Guys guilty (why did we bother with the giving LegallyNotElon the benefit of the doubt thing again?) Harry is creeping Elliot out. (Are you a serial killer? You legally have to tell me if you are)

In the Secretary of States defense, most US Secretaries ought to be at the Hague.

Oh no, Breanna is atracted to Yoo. (and just to hammer down this is a musk thing, "in a world of Edisons, she's a Tesla"). Oh, Hitlers Home away from Home...

Well this episode is definitly gonna be an awkward watch (I do not like cringe comedy)

--- Back with Harry the Prepper. Its time for some protected suits. (its battery prototypes) ---

On the train she flirts with the Nazi. Eye-scanner. No parker, the schematics arent inside the safe because they dont exist. The safe probably contains his 1th edition signed copy of Mein Kampf. (im only partially joking there)

Yeah this guy knows nothing, "Watt Kilogram" is not a unit produced by a battery. (he could be thinking of Kilowatt, as in a thousand Watt. Or Watt per Kilogram which is power/weigth ratio in mechanics but he's stitching buzzwords together badly). That thing puts the "Prop" in "proprietary". Its a scam to convince the investors to give him money for a product he doesnt have yet.

Put the world back in order... Parker is IN. --- We're back at the farm, and with 2 episodes to go (one of which named for Harry) its time to emphasize how far he's come.

Parker is angry the vault is empty (cause he's a brainless dimwit.)

The team has caught up to the blatantly obvious. "well arent you glad i brought a plastic tarp and ducttape" can you stop the Serialkiller Shit?

Time for Breanna to do a Sophie...

Phase 2 is a go. --- Are the mounties gonna be a problem? Cause it seems to me that this is another "Parker just takes the roof" situation.

And Sophie finally figured out where the Stanley Cup went. Turns out, they have juristiction (note; Its weird for Breanna to be the one saying this, this feels like a Harry line), also where did Breanna's Date go?

Breanna does not like being in the room full of literal Nazi's. --- Harry is riding away with the evidence while Elliot prepares for some White-Supremacist Punching, time for elliot to dine at the all-you-can-beat buffet.

Racist Mjolnir (lets be clear, with the amount of white supremacists that identify with vikings... thats just regular Mjolnir)

How did you get this? "word salad".

And the Nazi has entered his room. --- Harry, we all want to hit nazi's with a car sometime but for gods sake dont do it with a car that has pedestrian detection.

Harry does not hanle adrenaline well.

Oh just one Wired-article is all it takes for Karl to get his fascist-ass spartan-kicked off the train.

Pennies, Mounties arrest Musk Dinner at the farm