#he STINKS he smells like old god >:(

[necroarchy]

@xaaxas sent: "I feel nothing but disgust for children of this world's FALSE masters. All the same, you have my eternal favor for degrading that bloated beast Sindragosa further by turning her to your thrall. I hope it STUNG Malygos when he came to learn of it."

“ SILENCE, YOU WRETCHED BEAST. ”

WAS THERE ANYTHING MORE NAUSEATING THAN AN OOZING PUSTULE not chained and bound deep beneath the earth!? The bellows of its magma heart pounded a headache into Arthas’ skull --- he wasn’t sure he’d ever escape its disgusting drumbeat, even after SILENCING IT FOREVERMORE! 

Hardly enough a creature to consider reanimation. Kel’Thuzad might enjoy the challenge of separating flesh from ferrum --- but Arthas would find pleasure enough in tearing the thing apart PLATE BY SHRIEKING PLATE. 

“ There is little I wish from you, praise least of all --- less than worthless from a machine too stupid to cast the yoke of a few festering old parasites. If I sought the ignorant’s opinions on my Frost Queen, I would PICK THEM FROM HER TEETH. ”

[lady-lauren]

❥ KATSUKI BAKUGOU X FEM! READER

❥ WORD COUNT: 2.3k

❥ WARNINGS/TAGS: a/b/o dynamics (alpha Katsuki/omega reader), knotting, age-gap (Katsuki is in his grumpy 40s, you're in college), he calls you "kid", fucking in a pool, some mention of sex toys, degradation, creampie

→ Kinktober Masterlist ←

God, he’s too fucking old for this shit. Too god damn tired of the animal that kicks against his ribs whenever the slick smell of a willing cunt passes his nose. 

“ ‘m sorry,” you whisper, rolling your hips to suck his cock deeper in your drooling pussy. He grinds his molars at the too-tight feeling. 

“Fucking brat,” he hisses and clamps his hands to your doughy ass, jerking you up and down his cock. “Knew you were trouble. Fucking told you to stay away from me.” 

Katsuki knew he would end up fucking the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed college girl the day you moved in next door. He tried to stop it, he really did, showing you his teeth and growling any time the sweet stink of your omega scent greeted him. 

Yet he’s the one who couldn’t help himself. Humid summer air brought your pathetic smell right to him, had him peeking over the fence that separated his house from yours like a fucking perv.

The sight of you in your little pool, desperate to cool your too-hot skin, bikini bottoms floating next to you as you shoved a dildo into your aching hole was his breaking point. 

And now here you are, stuffed full of throbbing, thick alpha cock. Because you begged him, all fat tears and plump pouts as your heat clawed at your insides. 

He might be too old for this, but he’ll never get tired of how fucking stupid omegas get for dick. 

“The t-toys just weren’t…weren’t good enough.” 

You’re pinned between him and the pool wall, lips of your cunt dragging along his length over and over again as you try to find release. 

Copious amounts of slick gush from you, making his thrusting easier. Pearly strings of your cream float around the pool, lost to splash of him fucking into you. 

But even still, he’s so engorged with blood and hormones ready to knot that his fat cock struggles against your gummy walls. You hiss, not from pain, but from relief, so happy to be full that no amount of stretching will detract from your pleasure.

“You’re fucking pitiful.” 

Shame briefly shines in your blown-out eyes, a bit of humanity peeking through the haze of animal instincts. Shit. This is why he hates this, why he’s tried to avoid all the breeding nonsense. Omegas are so emotionally squishy. 

Not that he’s any better. One pout from you as you locked eyes with him across the yard made him jump a fucking fence and plunge his cock into your weeping hole at two in the afternoon. 

“Just can’t help it, can you, kid?” 

Red eyes trace over the body he’s been trying so hard not to imagine. The triangle fabric of your swimsuit is peeled away from your tits, your nipples puffy from how hard you were tugging on them before he got his hands on you. 

A little mhmmmm-mhmmmm sounds from lips pressed too tightly together, your head lolling back as you keep bucking against him with your eager, exposed pussy. 

You’re a mess, all swollen and gooey and desperate. 

“Such a dumb omega,” he groans and wraps his arms around your back, pressing your soft body all the way against his, “fucking yourself out in the open. Wanted me to find you? Wanted the old man next door to fuck you stupid.”

“N-no,” you lie so easily. “Too hot, was too hot and couldn’t get off and—”

“Bullshit. You started splashin’ around out here just praying I’d catch your scent.” 

“C-can’t help it, pr-promise. You just always smell so fucking good, alpha.”

Makes sense now why you always seem to be out on a walk when he gets home from work, and why you always seem to need something from him. He was a nice neighbor and gave you his number when you moved in all on your own, a little omega lost in a big college town. You would message him for help around your place at least once a week—changing light bulbs, fixing a leaky faucet, even opening a goddamn jar a few nights ago. 

He told you several times to stop bothering him, yet you never could catch the hint that fooling around with an alpha was going to get you bitten. 

Relentlessly he pounds his hips, the buoyancy of the water making it effortless to hold you and fuck in deep. His thighs barely feel any strain, his back muscles rolling like a true predator as he starts to use his arms to pull you up and down. 

Katsuki slides his fat cock until it’s barely in your pussy, mushroom tip caught by the suctioning ring of muscle inside of you. Then he bottoms out, balls connecting with your ass under the water with a muted thump. 

“God, fuck, that’s good, so good,” you’re fucking loud, “feel so fucking good in my pussy.” 

“Christ, you wanna let the whole neighborhood knowing I’m fucking you?”

​​The fuck-drunk little smile on your face tells him that maybe you do. 

And he thought he was the perv. 

“You’re such a fucking slut,” he whispers furiously, kissing you with so much force it makes your back arch in his strangle hold. 

A thick hand wraps around your throat. He doesn’t squeeze, just leaves it there possessively as his tongue forces its way between your lips. You unconsciously moan, your own tongue meeting his, but he presses it down, not wanting it in the way. You give in, letting him encircle your tongue with his own so he can taste you. He pulls back to suck your bottom lip into his mouth, teeth roughly dragging against it.

“Like feeling my cock spread you apart, hm? Maybe I’ll get you a dildo my size for next time you wanna put on a little show.” 

You purr and it makes him want to scratch you to pieces. 

The burning stretch of your omega cunt is bliss. The smell of sex and chlorine sting his nose, make him lose it a bit and press so hard inside of you that his cock nearly meets the resistance of your cervix. Not that you seem to mind it—your nails are sinking into his wet shoulders, holding on for dear life as he fucks you in the heat of a summer afternoon. 

When Katsuki shifts his hips down, heavy cock sliding out of your tight hole, you bare your teeth and growl at a man nearly double your age.  

“Easy, tiger,” he tuts and drops you in the warming water, “turn around and let me hit it from the back.”

He loves that your instincts are to obey.

You turn your back to him with an indignant little huff, bending over the edge of the pool and waiting. Katsuki locks his arms around your thighs, pushing up and letting the water do the work. Your legs float open easily, spreading wide as he spears his way back into your slutty hole. 

“Ever been knotted before, kid?”

Looking over your shoulder, you shake your head, hiccuping as he works his shaft in and out of you. 

“Please, please, ah, knot me. Wa-wanna know what it feels like.”

He’s toying with an ancient fire, he knows that. One fat knot from an alpha and you might be begging to move in with him, but it’s worth it. Your pussy feels too goddamn good and he’s too worked up not to plug you full. 

Katsuki works you into an absolute frenzy, waves of water splashing onto the edges of the pool as you mewl and focus on how effortlessly he fucks you. Your walls meld to him, each thrust hasty and claiming, scented sweat steaming from the heat of your body and the blistering of the sun. His dick curves just perfectly inside you, cockhead purposefully brushing against the most sensitive, spongy spots within your depths. 

“Surprised none of your stupid boyfriends knotted this tight cunt before.”

“Wouldn’t,” your fingers are gripping the edge of the pool for dear life, like you’re gonna drown any second, “wouldn’t let them.” 

“And you’re gonna let me? Just a slut for older men?” 

“Slut for you,” you correct him with a bounce of your ass against his pelvis, “love a big, strong alpha.” 

He rolls his eyes at the shameless flattery, yet still the ego inside him flares to life. 

“Young, stupid omegas always think they can get whatever they want,” he growls, all while keeping a rough pace inside your body, watching how the water parts for the two of you grinding into one another. 

You give him a knowing gaze over your shoulder, sultry and coy. 

You are getting exactly what you want. All you had to do was get his attention, pry at his most basic instincts and now here he is losing his mind over the tight squeeze of your omega cunt. 

Maybe you aren’t so stupid after all.

But he’ll fuck you stupid, he’s sure of that. 

“I’m too old for silly games, kid. You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

He proves his point by pawing at your belly under the water, pressing in until you can both feel how deep he is in your guts. The realization makes you whine, pushing hard back against him. 

“You think I’m just some toy to use during your heat?” Katsuki tuts, licking at one of his canines. “Just wait until I knot this stupid cunt and you beg me to keep coming back.”

A symphony of sex is ringing in your backyard, sounds of primal grunts, shrill little screams, balls slapping against your ass, water gurgling and splashing.

Any animal nearby knows what’s happening, that nature is running its course and you’re both nothing but senseless bodies looking for the simplest relief.

Katsuki slides the hand on your stomach lower, pinching your aching clit before he starts swirling it under the pads of experienced fingers. You start thrashing, cunt sucking so tightly he’s sure you’re hurting with the need to cum. 

“Pleasepleaseplease oh god please!” 

You shatter and his pride nearly bursts with you. Your cunt clenches, so pleased to cum around a thick alpha cock. You babble absolute nonsense, beg for his knot and a string of thanks yous and pleases and alpha alpha alpha dripping from your mouth into the wake of the pool.

The way your pussy squeezes him tells him you’ve been looking for this orgasm for hours, walls so swollen and pulsing. You must’ve been fucking yourself with useless toys since morning and finally got desperate enough to make a scene and get him to fuck you the way you needed. 

“Poor thing,” he coos, watching your cream float to the surface of the water. 

You’re totally mindless now as he continues to fuck you, body sloshing in the pool as he manhandles you to take what he wants. 

“Don’t even know if you can handle a knot, kid. You’re too tight.” 

That stirs you, makes you flatten your hands against the edge of the pool and push back to meet his rhythm. Over and over, you keep up with him, so fucking fraught to finally feel an alpha swell in your guts.

“Please don’t stop, please. Need to feel it, been in heat for d-days.”

“Oh omega, have you been fucking yourself silly with all the wrong toys, hm? Been stuffing yourself all alone in your room? Should’ve, ah, just asked me to come fix it.”

“You told me to stop b-bothering you…” 

“You’ll annoy me when your sink’s leakin’ but not when your pussy is? So fucking stupid.”

Only he’s starting to go dumb at the wrap of your cunt around him. The beast in his belly is raging, alpha instincts boiling in the summer sun. 

“C’mon, slut, milk my cock,” he pants and slams into you, lost in the way the water reflects around your curves and how your thighs are locked around his waist. He swears your body listens, some reflexive instinct that has your pussy clamping around his shaft until he can feel the veins of his cock squishing into your walls. 

The orgasmic build starts rushing up his spine, inflating the base of his cock inch by inch. 

“Holy shit, fuck~” you whimper at the first stretch of his knot. “Kat–Katsuki, ‘m so fucking full!” 

Finally he bursts, knot bulging into your gumminess until you’re plugged with him. His cum spills into your tight channel, filling you whole. 

Your sweet, stupid omega brain can barely comprehend the stretch. Another orgasm wrecks your body, has you falling face first into the pool. Katsuki scrambles to grab you, hoist you up and into his arms as you gasp and crest and cum all over him again. 

He can’t help but chuckle, easily maneuvering his back to the pool’s edge. He lets you calm down in his hold, your head falling against his shoulder as you try to breathe. 

“Get what you wanted, brat?” 

Katsuki pats your bloated belly, making you squeal as he rubs the heel of his hand against his knot. 

You nod dumbly, eyes closing to focus on the feel of him. He smirks realizing you’ll never forget him, your first knot. Omegas really are so emotional. 

Yet he’s taunted by the stupid bikini bottoms still floating in the water, mocking just how easy it was for you to boil him down to his base instincts. 

He’s too old for this shit. Especially as you start grinding down against his knot, cooing, reminding him you’ll be fucking him until your heat decides it’s done with him. 

[wizzdot]

*short fic alert* (fic under page break)

Hear me out. Is this….John Price?!

The 141 get home late from a mission, Johnny and Gaz go straight to the showers and Simon slinks off to wherever it is he winds down after a tough few days.

You have been sat on the proverbial bench for the past few weeks with a bullet wound to the shoulder. While rendered useless to the team, you decide to take up a new hobby. So far, the boys have been lab rats for the taste tests of whatever concoction you pull from the oven.

The burnt cookies (that you’d forgotten to put eggs in) that Kyle had whined about almost breaking his perfect teeth. Johnny managed to gobble them up and didn’t seem to understand what the problem was, leading Simon to joke that the man had no taste buds.

Or the time you accidentally used Salt instead of Sugar in the Victoria Sponge cake. Kyle subtlety threw his slice in the bin while you weren’t looking making sounds as if he had enjoyed in. Johnny ate it, making it look so delicious that you were getting confident that your baking skills were finally improving. Simon took a slice back to his room and in the privacy of his own bed, took a bite, and immediately spat it down the toilet. “Christ Almighty, that fuckin’ twat really doesn’t have taste buds” he cursed.

You perfect your skills over the next couple of weeks, with Johnny and Kyle remaining endlessly supportive of your new venture. But the entire time, John avoids your baking attempts.

“Need to watch my weight, love”

“Wish I could have a bite, but I’m on a diet, sweetheart”

“Can’t afford to pile on the pounds at my age, Dove”

They are John’s favourite excuses. You won’t admit it, but it makes you sad. You want to make all of your boys happy. Also, he isn’t even that old for gods sake.

Simon knows that the Captain is avoiding your god awful attempts. But even Simon notices that your skills are slowly improving. He keeps sneaking cupcakes and cookies into his room and this past week, especially, they’d been… alright. Well - apart from the horrifically deformed attempt of decorating a cake like Yoda. It looked like a slimy goblin with wonky eyes - but it tasted ok.

So picture this, they get home from a three day long mission. You’d missed your boys. You’d left your most recent cake on the kitchen counter before going to bed. You climb out from your bed when you hear their tired footsteps heading down the hall.

You poke your head out of the door. Johnny and Kyle come over and give you a soft hug. “Christ, you boys stink” you say. “Fuck off” Kyle laughs, before stripping himself of his shirt “gonna hop straight in the shower anyway. See you in the mornin’, yeah?” he asks. I nod and watch as he leaves towards his room.

Johnny stands, watching Kyle retreat. “I smell even worse than him, hen” he says, trying to shove your head into his armpit. You fight him off and shoo him down the hall.

Simon walks past and gives a small nod, “you might want to go and see Price. He made a beeline for the kitchen” he grumbles, continuing on his way casually.

That comment puts you on edge. Is John hurt? Is he looking for you? You quickly slide on your fluffy slippers and shuffle down to the kitchen as quickly as you can.

The scene that greets you is the last thing you expect to see. The Captain, in a wide stance, leaning one hand on the counter, devouring your Cake (the best one you’d baked so far!!!) with just a single fork. He’d polished off at least half of it, showing no signs of slowing down.

You can’t help but giggle at the scene. “Is it good…?”

“Fuckin’ hell, Love. It’s delicious”

The blush that erupts over your cheeks is immense.

“That was supposed to be shared..” you mumble.

“Not in a sharing mood” he says through a mouthful of cake.

“It’s rude to chew with your mouth open, Captain” you joke.

“Teach me some manners then, sweetheart” he teases, stabbing the fork into the top of the remaining quarter of cake before crowding into your personal space.

“Cakes almost as sweet as you” he whispers into your left ear before leaving the kitchen with a smug smile as you stand frozen in place.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten something!” He mentions from down the hall before turning back and snatching the cake box from the counter. He pauses on his way out, pecking you on the cheek and heading to his office as if that was totally normal behaviour.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t stand touching the spot that he’d kissed for half an hour after he’d left.

Your phone interrupts your frozen state. It’s a text from the group chat.

………..

Johnny: “Kyle, d’ya think Cap told her how he feels yet?”

………

Johnny: “c’mon ya cunt, don’t ignore my message. I know your out the shower I can hear you laughin through the wall”

………

Simon’s voice bellows throughout the hallway “wrong fuckin’ chat, you moron” followed by Kyle cackling and Johnny swearing loudly.

You’re still standing in the doorway of the kitchen, in shock, when the door to John’s office opens.

“Guess you saw that, eh?” he asks, sheepishly.

You nod your head, zoning in on a piece of icing on the corner of his mouth. As if on instinct, you reach up and wipe it with your finger, sticking it into your mouth, before freezing again, realising what you’d just done.

Johns eyes follow your finger, hungrily.

“If you wanted to taste it, you could’ve just asked, love”

[wannabeanotter]

Genetics (twink to bear tf)

"Urgh, you know what I fucking hate? Fat men. Like, bears, you know? It's just so gross. I can't believe they don't take care of their bodies"

I fucking hate twinks like this. Just because he's skinny, smooth, pretty, he thinks he's so special? It's just genetics! It's not anyone else's fault their DNA has made them a real man, not like him.

If he thinks it's so fucking easy to be them, why doesn't he try walking a mile in their shoes?

Hmm...

SNAP - a nice, big, pair of work boots (don't mind the smell). Their last owner has soaked then nice and deep in sweat, and the traces of DNA left in them will be just what this twink needs to remodel his life.

I leave them in his bedroom. When he finds them, his curiosity will get the better of him, and as he slips them on his cells will start to squirm and wriggle and edit their genetic code into the perfect pig. His balls swell, pumping more and more testosterone around his body. His muscles thicken and bulge, and a layer of fat coats his stomach. He tries to yelp, but a low, rumbling growl comes out of the new, thick Adam's apple instead. When he clutches it, he feels that his hands are thicker, meatier.

A real man should have thick, sweaty armpit hair too. All that extra testosterone makes you stink, you know? It's intoxicating, and he reaches down and grabs his new, thick cock.

Fuuck, he smells great. At least, he thinks so ;)

But damn bros, I dunno, do you think it's enough? That's not a bear, that's a cub at best

Cuz like, while his old twink genetics had kept his body hair to zero, in a real man, those follicles get turned on everywhere. His back, his hands, especially his ass. He should have after wave of dark hair creeping all over him, up over his shoulders, deep into his crack...

And no one keeps up a gym routine forever. Eventually he'll start skipping, taking cheat days, and those things have consequences, ya know: big consequences. With all this new appetite his body starts to bulge, stretching out at the waist, each can of beer going straight into his new gut. His brain cells rewire - from now on, he's gonna be always hungry, always just wanting to sit on the couch, scratch his balls, and stuff his face like a pig

There, bros, don't you think he's perfect? Of course when he snaps out of it, he's gonna scream, sob, and whinge about his new body, but I'm sure he'll come round eventually. He'll understand how much better it is to have a body like this, to have a set of genetics blessed by the god of pigs

But if not, hey, he can just lose some weight, right? It's so easy

[I hope this one is good! Remember, asks and dms are always open for tf requests or roleplay. Maybe tell me what you'd do to me, or request a visit from the god of pigs]

[henry7931]

Freaky Friday Block Part 2 Max & The Thomas Family

Max:

I’m sitting here trying to do some kind of research on this situation and I don’t even know what to freaking google. I mean I could just type in, “help, I woke in my friend’s dad’s body. Oh and by the way said friend is now his little brother.”

I don’t know, I’ve been listening to Jacob and Conner go back and forth for hours now. And Mr. Thomas is much help either.

I’m just glad my family was out of town so they didn’t have to deal with this whole body swap thing.

The craziest part is that we learned quickly that ‘we’ aren’t the only ones. I think half of the block is going crazy right now from waking up as someone else.

Hell, I saw that college guys a couple houses down walking one of their roommates. He literally swapped bodies with a dog! Nuts right?

I guess I can’t be too mad with Mr. Thomas’s body. Hell, I’m hoping once some of the chaos settles down I can actually enjoy all of this.

Wait a minute, where is Mr. Thomas? He left over an hour ago and said he’s just going to change and come back….

Mr. Thomas

Fuck I’ve been stroking this thing for hours now! I can’t stop!!

I know it’s awful of me especially this being the body of one of my son’s friends… but you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a whole house to myself? Hell, I haven’t been on a date in 10 years.

Ever since my kid’s mother left me after I came out to her I’ve had a hard time finding anyone to date.

But sitting here in this young handsome body… playing with this cock. Oh my god…

I keep trying to head back to my house but I’ve truly lost track of time. I’m just too horny right now.

I wonder… oh here it is! I knew Max was gay, he had Grindr already downloaded.

I take him off of discreet and update his bio: looking, ready to host.

Shit, his parents don’t come back for another week. I can at least enjoy myself at night.

Back at the Thomas’ Home:

Conner:

This is so freaking cool!! Not only did I wake up this morning inside my big brother’s body but now I have his room too!!!

I told him this morning since I have his body, that I get his room. He was so flipping mad about it but I can’t fit in my old bed anymore.

We screamed at each other for a long time. But I ended up picking him up and carrying him in my much smaller body back to my room.

He waited outside the door throwing a tantrum for a bit before giving up. So looks like I won!

Now I have an entire bathroom to myself and I even have my own cellphone (which I’m surprised he didn’t try to get from me.)

Now I think I’m going to take a shower because my new body is stinky!!!

I take off Jacob’s sweat pants he slept in and stopped at his undies.

I wonder what this looks like…

I yank them off and Jacob’s weiner comes floppin out. He has a big bush of hair right above it and weiner is way bigger than mine.

I start playing with it for a few until it gets hard.

I walk into the shower and start rubbing some all over my new muscles down to Jacob’s stinky feet.

Jacob’s feet are always stinky especially after practice. Sometimes they will stink up our entire house.

I weirdly like the smell…

I wash in between his toes and work back up his hairy legs.

I wrap his strong hand around his weiner and started tugging at it.

It felt so good that I couldn’t stop!

I tugged and tugged faster and faster…

I started to get really warm inside…

That’s when I started squirting all over the shower uncontrollably.

I was so out of breath that I laid on the shower floor for a few.

As soon as I could stand back up, I turned off the water and dried off.

I walked over to the mirror and stared at my big brother’s face that I now controlled.

I hope I keep his body forever!

*knock knock*

“Conner it’s me, you have my phone and I want it back,” I hear coming from the door.

I walk over to the door and open it up.

“I don’t think you’re getting this phone. Actually, it’s my phone now. I have this body which was your body. But now it’s mine. So my phone, my room, and now my body. Also, I think it’s best if you call me Jacob for now. Understood little bro?”

Jacob was so angry. He tried to yank the phone out of my hand but I just dangled it over him.

“So close on getting it!”

I jumps for it again and laugh at him.

“Well this has been fun but I’m going to lock my door now.”

I closed the door in his face and went back to his bed.

I pulled my towel off and grabbed one of his dirty socks off of the floor. I laid back on his bed or I should say my bed now— sniffing his dirty sock and gently playing with my new hairy balls.

Max:

So no one else seems to care right now about trying to figure out why we are all in each other’s bodies. So I decided to stop caring as well and just enjoy my new hot daddy body.

Starting with these sexy ass feet! God, I’m already getting hard!

My initial plan was to take a shower and I got as far as stripping down and grabbing a towel.

Unfortunately, I’m so distracted by these feet and Mr. Thomas’s big hairy ballsack.

I eventually get to the shower, still have not jerked off yet.

It’s fun seeing Mr. Thomas hard throbbing cock leaking so bad…

I’ll fondle it for a few and stare down at his feet again.

God I love them!! If we ever switch back I wish there was a way I could take his feet with me. Or at least get some visitation of his lower half.

Hell, this maybe my forever body. I may be Daniel Thomas forever.

I dry off and sit in the steamy bathroom… talking dirty to myself.

I work my way back to his bed jumping on it. I hold his feet up the air again.

I pull the towel off completely and rub his hands all over his hairy butt cheeks down to his hole.

I finally start jerking his dick that’s now throbbing so bad it immediately leaks.

“Mr. Thomas, you’re such a beautiful man. I love the way your cock feels, I love your hairy ass, your big feet, ohhhh… your dick is about to burst!”

“Oh god!!! This feels so goooooddd!!!”

I pull at his hair and start moaning incredibly loud.

“IM CUMMMMINNNNGGGGG FUUUUUUCCCC”

Cum sprays all over me and I’m covered in his cum. I take bit off of his chest and taste it.

“Yum!”

I lay back in his bed naked and grinning knowing that in a few hours I’m going to do it all over again.

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

Hark! I submit an official request for Raphael and someone (dealer’s choice) getting hit with the old Sex Pollen. It could be a trick by Haarlep or a plant/mushroom releasing pollen/spores in Faerûn during one of his visits. I leave circumstances to your brilliant imagination.

I love the sex pollen trope and would love to see you write it :) As always, feel free to make him or both of them as tame or unhinged as you like! Thank you! 💕

❤️

Raph gets pollened ☺️

Read on AO3

-

There was a lot of strange stuff to find laying about in the ruins of Moonrise Towers. Most of it caked in dirt, dust, and other unidentifiable substances. The kleptomaniac in Tav had her poking around, putting her mitts on everything before those little tiefling gobshites stripped the place bare.

She was enamoured by something: a big round vial that contained some viscous liquid which, when Tav cleaned the bottle a little, glowed an ominous dark purple. The stopper was wedged too tight to open. It had been fermenting for a long, long time. Tav had discovered the bottle in a box with a decrepit occult codex of some kind and a burned out incense holder. Bizarre findings that warranted further investigation – after she’d raided everything else of value, of course.

“Well, well. Where should I find the mouse but scurrying about in a ruined old attic? Apt.”

“Shit!”

Tav nearly leapt out of her skin. The bottle went flying, shattering on the ground. A thin, noxious violet gas began to seep from its shattered corpse. The smell was pungent, stomach-churning; like rotten eggs and swamp water. Tav coughed and gagged, eyes wet, glaring at the devil who’d startled her so badly. He stood there innocently, unassuming, a single eyebrow raised at her display of drama. So much for finding out what that potion did.

“Do you enjoy getting the jump on people, devil?” She said waspishly, moving further away from the mess. “Gods, that stinks.”

“Sometimes. Mortals are much more likely to agree to certain things when they’re frightened,” Raphael purred. He tilted his head, taking a small whiff of the gas. “Hmm…it smells like peaches to me.”

Peaches, sure. “What do you want?” Tav crossed her arms. Never turn your back on a devil. Especially this one.

“Merely to see why my favourite future client isn’t celebrating with the rest of her merry band,” said Raphael. Tav noticed he was surreptitiously inhaling deeper sniffs of the potion, like a dog that had caught an interesting scent on the wind. He may not have realised he was doing it. “After all, you freed the angel. You struck down the avatar of a God. One would think a hero of such calibre would at least raise a glass or two in victory, no?”

“I don’t like crowds,” muttered Tav, keenly aware he was mocking her. He was always mocking her. Raphael shifted his feet, coming just a bit closer.

“Yes, I know,” he said, his voice dropping an octave. “I know a lot about you, Tav. I know the kinds of people you used to do business with before the mindflayers took you. I know the kind of work you did. I know where you came from, and where you were going before all of this.”

“What?” Tav stared at him, aghast. A mix of horror and, inexplicably, intrigue squirmed in her belly. How did he know these things? Why did he know these things? Something was off, though. Raphael seemed, for a brief moment, as shocked by his words as she.

“All that is to say…” He adjusted his collar. Loosened it. “Hells. Why is it so damn warm all of a sudden?”

In a crumbling tower, battered by the chilling miasma of the shadow curse, the only warmth came from the Infernal himself. “It’s cold up here,” Tav said slowly. A bead of sweat rolled down Raphael’s temple in contrast. “Are…you okay?”

“What a stupid question,” the devil snapped. He was becoming flustered, a fetching flush spreading across his harsh cheeks and the bridge of his handsome nose. “I must return to the Hells. Goodbye.”

He clicked his fingers, intending to disappear in a burst of hellfire as usual, but nothing happened. A mere sputtering of sparks from his fingertips fluttered and died. Outraged, Raphael clicked them again, harder, as Tav watched with mounting anxiety. No portal opened. The devil went nowhere.

“Foolish little bint,” he snarled at her. Revealed his pointed canines when he sneered. Tav saw his pupils were rapidly expanding, consuming the sweet brown of his human irises. “What was in that bottle you dropped?”

“I don’t know,” Tav bit back. Always aggressive when she felt cornered. “And you’re the reason I dropped it in the first place. Maybe this will teach you to stop needlessly scaring people, though I bloody doubt it.”

“If you don’t watch your tongue when you speak to me, I’ll pluck it out of your filthy mouth,” Raphael threatened, low and throatily. He tugged his collar open completely, revealing his neck and some teasing wisps of chest hair.

“Oh I see, the devil’s feeling a bit poorly so he finally shows his true colours,” crooned Tav. “It’s about time. I was getting tired of your gentleman act, you know.”

“Ah…to have your skin hanging on a hook in my foyer would be such a delight…” Rumbled the devil, almost absently. He began to unfasten the buttons of his jacket.

“What are you doing?!” Barked Tav. He didn’t answer. Tossed his coat aside and moved onto the buttons of his fancy white shirt. It was damp with sweat – and this was when Tav noticed the bulge between Raphael’s legs. His cock, hard and proud, strained in the fabric of his trousers. A hot spike of desire shot through Tav’s body. “Oh, shit…”

The potion must have been some kind of demented aphrodisiac, made potent enough over time that just a few inhales was all it took. It must’ve been pretty strong indeed if Raphael was crumbling under its influence so fast. Except it wasn’t affecting Tav. She could admit – only to herself – that her tingles of arousal looking at Raphael’s big, deft, tawny hands work the small buttons of his clothes, at the glistening, hairy skin of his chest as he opened his shirt, at his puffy dark nipples, at the trail of fuzz going down his soft middle to vanish below his belt, at the outline of his erection, at the wet spot its leaking head made on his trousers…they were on Tav alone. She’d been attracted to the smarmy devil from the start.

Figuring all this out, Tav had one thing to consider as Raphael reached for his belt: what did she do?

Indulge, of course. An opportunity like this only appeared once in a lifetime. A street cat like Tav knew it better than most.

So she bit her lip, breath baited, as Raphael freed his cock and balls, both fat with need. Ogled as he furiously, shamelessly, rubbed his prick, squeezed its swollen sticky dark pink head, his tight scrotum bouncing with the force, staring right at her as he did. Sighed when he came in moments, grunting, cum spilling on the ground, all over his knuckles, everywhere. His expression was stormy, devoid of relief or rapture, his cock refusing to soften.

“It’s not enough,” he hissed even as he milked more cum from himself in oozing pearls that lazily trickled between his glans, teeth bared in frustration. “It’s not enough.”

He looked furious, frantic, frayed, and so, so fuckable.

“Come here, then,” said Tav, distantly aware of how breathy she sounded, “let’s try something else.”

He was on her in a second. A waiting predator pouncing on its prey. Tav could barely gasp before he was swallowing her mouth in harsh, biting kisses, one hand fisting the hair at the back of her head, the other holding her hip with bruising strength. Tav greedily put her hands all over him, yanking his silky too-perfect hair, scratching his slick chest and stomach, crushing handfuls of his pliant backside. He was like a furnace, radiating stifling heat. He smelled like cherries and musky sweat. So human, but for the hint of sulphur he simply couldn’t hide. His tongue tasted like wine and fire when he forced it into her mouth, hungrily licking behind her teeth. He was a man unravelling, so much desire pressed beneath the surface just waiting for an excuse like this to burst free, and Tav wanted to see it all.

“Wretch,” Raphael spat when they broke apart. The ribbons of saliva connecting their lips were tinged red. He’d bitten her bloody. “Invading my thoughts…my dreams…and now my body…”

“Your fault,” Tav retorted, crying out when he jerked her head back, rolling his aching prick against her clothed sex.

“Inside,” he growled, losing coherence, “need to be inside…”

He manhandled her, pushing her onto a nearby broken desk. With one hand, and in one yank, he pulled her trousers and smallclothes down to her ankles. Tav heard fabric rip but couldn’t find the will to care. The eerie, twisted moonlight coming in from jagged cracks in the stone, the cursed lands’ grotesque long shadows – these things stretched and warped Raphael’s silhouette into the monster he truly was. Tav swore she felt claws, fangs, horns, saw the glint of yellow eyes…but he was still a man, driven and desperate, who pried her thighs open and stuffed her full of his cock, who rocked up on the balls of his feet to get as deep inside her cunt as possible.

“Fuck,” she groaned, raking her fingernails down his back. She was wet and willing, but it had been a while, he’d entered her without preamble, and his cock was thick. He was unforgiving, selfish, searching only for his own pleasure. The stretch, the burn, as he used her, fucking her hard, fast, violent, was hideous and exquisite. She clenched her cunt around his cock and he came immediately, snorting into her ear like a rutting bull. Filled her womb with hot liquid release. She could feel it spurting out of his cock with every throb. He had so much to give, and still he didn’t stop. Couldn’t. Much to Tav’s delight.

There would be Hell to pay when this was over.

[bucknastysbabe]

Hi hello I had brain rot and popped this out! Idk if it’s an incoherent horny ramble or not but SKIDIBOP MM DADA BOOM💥💥🤯🤯🤯

Rating: Explicit

Tags: A/B/O, Alpha!bucky, omega!reader, reader is inhuman and former hydra asset, confessions of love, mating cycles, TW//non-descript sexual assault, horrible self talk, hydra trash party tendencies, Sweet fluffy big boy Buck, breeding kink, marathon sex, pnv!sex, kinda feral ass behavior, scenting n marking

@lovelykhaleesiii @godrakin @borikenlove @ilikeitbetterangsty @connorsui I think I got my Bucky slores all counted out ;)

Feral. - B. Barnes

Bucky was panicking, sour pheromones leaking from his pores. He was an alpha, technically, but would be entering his first rut after years of chemical castration by Hydra. Rendered him beta. Now it was coming up on him, soon— you could smell that much.

Being one of the few omegas around that offered to help him out, your own powers would ease the inevitable roughness of a feral Alpha. Bucky chose you due to your close friendship, both Hydra superpowered assets. You guys could relate to each other. Although you never had to miss a heat, your handler taking full advantage of your needy state.

Bastard.

Bucky had all the signs of rut coming up; aggression, hypersensitivity, appetite, and smelling up the entire room. Stark had banned Buck to his apartment citing, “It fucking stinks, go wear him out for the love of God.” You had grabbed your clothes and favorite nesting blankets to join the brunette soon after.

Subtle cramps made you shift, the fuckers scent alone would send you into a synced heat. He smelled good, like a woodsy smell, a winter’s day, all that sappy nonsense. Bucky grunted, “What if I hurt you? Like bite your mating gland without meaning it?”

You tapped your neck, nail clicking on an invisible collar. Bucky stopped in his tracks, brows furrowing. “They have guards for that. You can lick and scent all you want but no bitesies Barnes.” He groaned, “Thank god for the future, I guess.” Another cramp hit you, hissing involuntarily at the pain.

Blue eyes flicked to you, him coming close to you. He asked gently, “What’s wrong?” You clenched your teeth and gritted out, “You. Going to send me into heat soon so stop fighting it and worrying.” Bucky’s eyes widened and he gulped, coming to terms with the reality of the situation. Fucking his good friend, you, who he had intensely mooned over for a while now.

The brunette nodded and gestured, “Do you need to nest first? I’m just going to, uh, eat a little more.” You rolled your eyes at his obvious stress eating. He was cutely fluffy now from the transition of Romania to the Avengers compound, trying to adjust. Cramp, ow. Grabbing the blankets you mounded and moulded them to your own liking. Bucky’s scent only made it better, you taking a deep inhale.

You cried out as the first real pang of heat hit you, slick gushing forth, sending you into the nest face first— drooling and whining for Bucky. Usually you used suppressants, hating how submissive and fucking stupid you got, the intense emotions brought up old memories. But not this cycle, waiting for Bucky had you back to stupidtown.

Bucky almost snarled in concern, swallowing down his protein bar and crawling onto the bed. You clawed at your clothes, ripping off the top easily. “Buuuck, help, leggings, stupid!,” you managed. The brunette yanked down your legging and underwear, growling, “Don’t call yourself that— fucking hell!”

Oh. There it was. He’d finally hit it. 

Bucky groaned deeply, taking off his clothes haphazardly, you could hear the ripping and tossing while drooling on a blanket, biting down in agony. You whined, “C’mon Alpha, knot, need it, fill my pussy up!” The normal you cringed on in the inside, but Bucky nodded along. He rasped, “Fuck yes, yes, gonna fill my pretty ‘mega up.”

You could almost purr at Barnes referring you as ‘his’.

Buck’s mismatched hands gripped your hips, sliding an impossibly fat cock between your weeping folds. A shiver wracked your spine, mewing and crying his name at the feeling. He rumbled in that Alpha timbre, “Be a good omega and just take it, make it look easy, please.” By the end of the sentence your sweet Bucky had leaked out some. Turning around to gaze at him he slid in your cunt with a grunt, fangs bared and eyes blazing.

Swollen and fucking hot he speared you fully, stretching and overfilling underused pussy. It had been so long since you’d fucked someone and damn you were glad it was him. Your pussy ached and widened around him, gushing profuse slick. Buck groaned and snapped his hips forward, dragging along everything. He let out a strangled moan, “Fuck, dolly, so goddamn tight. Gonna bl-blow fast.”

“Hurry up and fuck me then!”

A rough smack to your ass had you shutting up with a whimper. Bucky jackhammered your pussy, grunting and gasping, poor thing’s dick probably hurting. His hips smacked into your own, a metal hand pushing at the small of your back for a different angle. You wailed, Bucky cursed and pressed his soft belly to your back, chomping and nosing eagerly at the protected mating gland.

He couldn’t get enough of it, moaning and lapping like a baby alpha fucking his first rut toy. Big hands explored your body, one coming down to toy with your oversensitive clit, making you gush further. The closeness and angle had you whimpering, need forcing you to whine, “Oh, Buck, kiss me, please!”

He blinked dumbly at you, lips swollen from mauling your scent glands. You whimpered, emotions immediately jumping to: oh he hates you, used up omega. The alpha frowned and seized forward clumsily, noses mashing together as he kissed you. He still fucked you raggedly, cock swelling and pulling at your walls.

A pink tongue darted out to claim you, Bucky getting the point and tilting his head for better access to your mouth. He moaned desperately, lips driving across yours wet and messy. You threw back an arm to cradle silky-soft brown hair, fucking back onto that thick cock. “Fuuuck, knot me up baby, need it.” Bucky rasped back, “Yeah?”

“Want it, wan’ your knot, feel s’good,” came the resounding whimper.

Bucky kissed you harder, moaning into your mouth as he fucked deeper, more shallow thrusts than anything now, thick fingers pulling at your clit. He growled, “Omega, so tight— mine.” He shoved your hips flush to him, groaning chest deep and guttural as his knot popped and blew inside. You wailed and scrambled around him, that hot cum painting your insides.

Bucky whined deep in his chest, gasping against you, holding squirming hips still as he filled you up. The Alpha lapped and scented you further, murmuring dazedly, “Won’t be able to smell like another alpha again. Never.” His fingers dug into the softness of your hips, locked in now. You panted and shoved your face into the blankets, overwhelmed.

“Jus’ move to the side,” you said quietly. He gently, so very gently, eased the pair of you to the side. The knot pulled a bit, making both of you hiss. Now spooned in the fucked up nest, Bucky seemed to be dozing off, nose shoved into your mating gland, puffing softly. He slung an arm around you, making sure his entire body was plastered to your own.

Some alphas were clingy like that. Not many. Heat abated by Bucky’s knot— your mind inevitably cleared up. Emotions and old thoughts swirled in your brain. Sometimes you’d have to go through heat with a random elite of the world, them getting a present with the inhuman omega. Once you’d been through the humiliation of being used they’d dump you off with your handler, Sitwell.

He made sure to let you know you were nothing but a whore for Hydra. Used to the point where you were nothing but an easy fuck. “No self-respecting alpha would mate you,” he’d tut while inside you. Your chest clenched up, stupid stupid stupid emotions making your eyes burn.

In the same horrid voice as Jasper your mind hissed. Bucky wouldn’t want you. He knew you were easy and used to ruts. You couldn’t wash off the years of filth and scars on your nape. The great Bucky Barnes would get through this first rut and go find a more demure, self-respecting omega. Hot tears pricked at your eyes, chest beginning to heave.

Bucky’s hand came up quickly, cupping your cheek to get a look. His thick brows furrowed at your likely pitiful expression. “What’s wrong sweetheart? Woke me up when ya’ soured, you hurting?” His concerned expression made you cry harder— chest aching for this to never end. The alpha tightened himself to you, a big thumb wiping your tears. His sculpted lips pulled into a frown.

“I-it’s stupid, been a long time for me too, sorry,” you apologized.

He didn’t seem phased, concern wafting off him in waves. The former assassin practically cooed, “Hey now, seriously, what’s wrong? Spit it out baby, I know you better than that.” You stared into dead serious eyes, knowing deep down Buck would win this contest. Mouth gaping in horror you had no clue how to respond.

“C’mon ‘mega, breaking a man’s heart,” he begged soft and sweet.

Turning away from his gaze, Buck’s hand gently pulled you back with a huff. Taking a deep breath you rambled manically, “I stopped my heats after getting out of Hydra. It brings back…stuff. But I wanted to be there for you and I know I’m an easy option and all, I mean being the pass around for whatever need obviously I know how to handle Alphas.” A titanium thumb in your mouth had you rendered mute with a sudden squeak.

His face softened, pheromones swelling and making you feel woozy. Strong fucking Alpha. The anxiety in your chest abated from the scent. He asked, “Do you really think I’d care about your past?” You shrugged lightly, unsure. Blue eyes turned hard, “Give me a list and if they ain’t dead I’ll personally go castrate them.” Bucky took a deep inhale of you again, relaxing some.

“Look at me.”

You peeped nervously.

“When you offered to help I thought my dreams were coming true,” he pecked your temple, “You’re the only one I want, was gonna tough it out if the only girl I care about didn’t volunteer.” You smacked a big shoulder in shock, squeaking, “No- no you’re lying- this is a joke.” Bucky shoved his knot a fraction deeper inside of you, still swollen to hell.

He deadpanned, “Does this seem like a joke to you? I wish the damn thing would deflate so I can fuck your pretty self already. Been lovin’ you for awhile now.”

Whimpering in desire you clenched down involuntarily, Bucky’s eyes rolling back with a groan. He kissed you again, breathlessly laughing, “I thought you’d think I’m too crazy, overweight, and a load of baggage.” Smooching him back you shook your head to declare, “No, no, you’re perfect as is. This is perfect. Don’t want it to end. Love you too.”

“It doesn’t have to, babydoll,” he cooed into your lips.

After confessing one’s feelings, fucking your official Alpha was much more intense. You’d talked it out with him waiting on the knot to deflate, both of you self-conscious balls of anxiety causing the miscommunication. In full, fuck Hydra with a fiery sword.

You’d grown more heat dazed first, losing any touch to speak normally, writhing around. Buck played with your clit until you’d cum two times, chanting his name like a litany. He was goading you on with a smirk the entire time, cocky as hell now, “Yeah, that’s it, squirt for your fuckin’ Alpha.” Or he’d groan in your ear, “Good girlll, yeah, smell so sweet.”

His knot finally went down and now half crazed you rutted back on Bucky’s cock with hoarse shouts, biting into a blanket. He met you eagerly, slapping your ass and talking non-stop. The brunette moaned, “Goddamn baby, fucking ah, sh-shit!” He nudged thick thighs inside your own, using strong hands to pull you onto him. The whole place smelled of sex pheromones.

“Gonna be my big Alpha and breed me up?,” you teased deliriously, not even sure where this came from.

Bucky rumbled deep in his chest, one of those possessive hands pulling you upright to lock around a slim throat. He rasped in your ear, hot breath puffing, “I’ll fuckin’ give you some pups, s’that what you want?” His hips stuttered, cock beginning to swell again as you wailed. Please please please.

“Make you mine for good,” he nipped at the covered mating gland again, “I’d kill anyone who’d take my precious omega away from me, killing anyone who hurt you, mhm.” You turned your head to kiss his swollen lips, hand digging into his hair as the Alpha dug into you. His soft belly fit perfectly into the arch of your back, hips clapping against your slickened cunt and ass. Your brain purred about how big and perfect he was, a good protector.

Bucky begged suddenly, thrusts sloppy and stilted, “Rip th-that collar off, lemme bite, c’mon love— only one I want, make you a mama.” His lips insistently kissed, hands almost frantically grasping you. A bolt of heady arousal spiked up your belly, the need to be claimed and mated taking over. Bucky as yours sealed with his pretty white teeth, you dripped more at the thought.

Pressing the release on the collar you rocketed into a perfect, quiet, blank euphoria at the feeling of Bucky’s teeth piercing your skin. Things felt complete. You sighed in relief, the held on disgust and shame floating away. Coming back to within seconds you snarled and locked onto his pulsing neck, sealing the bite with a lap. Bucky gutturally groaned, knot popping once again, him following you down to the bed.

The pair of you didn’t speak for what felt like an eternity, hoarsely catching breath, living in the moment. Bucky nosed at the now swollen patch on your neck, commenting dopily, “Wonder what Tony’s gonna say when you pop back out with this.” You hummed and squeezed the big arm around your waist.

“He’ll probably stutter for a minute and then act like he knew all along. Steve won’t be surprised.”

Bucky laughed, “He never is.”

His hand splayed out against your stomach, murmuring, “I know you’re on the pill but I meant what I said. Wanna make the ‘mega I love bred up.” You possibly couldn’t get another orgasm out but his gravelly tone and words made you clench. Touching the bond mark you replied, “Wanna make the alpha I love a daddy.”

He groaned, blues rolling up, “Fuck, yes.”

[plasticfreckles]

🪶 rookanis date plans nobody thought through enjoy🪶

"Ugh." Rook wrings out her hair. The groan comes from so deep inside her Lucanis thinks she might keep it under her toenails. "I'm never getting the stench out."

"Harding did offer you a hairtie, you remember." Not that Lucanis wore one, but he hasn't washed his hair in so long the grease alone might well be a helmet.

"I've put years into getting my hair to retain this curl pattern. Silk bedsheets and beetroot treatment only."

"Beetroot make your hair purple, as well?"

She shrugs, after flipping her wet curls through the air like that siren in the children's tale. The droplets that fly around her may as well be actors of the commedia, so well they play their part.

"It does, but I don't mind. Think it looks cute. Also if I stand in the sun right, it's pink. I got magic hair without being stuffed in a circle!"

She kneels down to pet a stray cat, but the smell of death and blight on their clothes makes it hiss and retreat into the shadows.

Rook huffs.

"You know what I'm doing the next time we're in Treviso?"

How should I know? You never let me talk to her. - She isn't talking to you. - Because you never let me!

"Coffee?" He knows it's not coffee. She's one of those cursed with coffee making her tired. Coffee, she reserves for ending a night, sitting on Treviso's rooftops with Crow Feed and a candlestub (or with bread and a book on a wobbly staircase in an old god's bachelor pad, as the case may be).

But if he doesn't guess now, Spite will start putting words in his mouth. And he rarely has nice things to say. I have no words you'll like.

"Before that. Can't show up like this."

Why not? He thinks. Sure, her pants are a little too tight for her luscious thighs, but all Crows wear tight pants. Even if that were reason the turn her away, she's too short for normal people to notice. Not under her cloak, anyway.

You're not normal people, Lucanis. It occurs to normal people they won't let her sit down because she stinks, not because she's got great legs. Normal people don't stare at their boss's ass like it was Andraste at the Stake. Spite manifests so close to him he can feel his serpent's tongue in his ear canal. He rubs his ear into his pauldron.

"She's not our boss," Lucanis hisses, and were Rook not an elf Crow, she might not even have heard.

As it is, when Lucanis returns his focus to figuring out where Neve had wandered off to, she frowns at him.

"What's he say?"

"It's not important." Lucanis shakes his head. You're not important, Spite says.

"You sure?" If their condition were Spite's prison, he would shake the bars in frustration so hard the walls would come down.

"The picking irritates him. Please, don't."

She leans back against the cart behind her, arms crossed.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to rile him up." She moves over a little when he walks over to join her against that cart. It's a good vantage point on the winding street into the market.

"Why don't you tell me your plans for Treviso before Neve returns with another contact?"

Rook leans her head back into her neck and bares all her teeth when she laughs.

"Want to join?"

"For coffee, certainly."

"Bathhouse, too?"

His clearly off-guard expression makes her laugh so hard she moves to hold her belly and bangs both elbows on the cart.

Quinces and pomegranates fall off the cart and tumble down the road.

🪶

this is experimental and idk if i like it yet. i think I've flirted twice with the man and am lowkey terrified of having messed up my chance at romance with him by playing blind but oh well

WE TAKE OUR Ls ON THE INTERNET WHOOP [Also its 1:30 in the night and the youth club beneath us has been playing the same 2 notes on their bass for like 5 hours now :)]

[~rina]

[octuscle]

I’d like to know if you could help me! I want to be a professional open bodybuilder (just like Nick Walker, Derek Lunsford), but, at the same rate my muscles grow, so do my male musk (specifically sweat musk from my armpits and cock) - no shower, deodorant or anything else will clean/cover my strong smell - until the point people around me get dizzy with my musk, start to complain and ask me to leave the places. With more muscles and less body fat, more sweating and musk until it reaches a strong level that people start to avoid me from fear of my muscles and my intense gym musk! Could you help me with that? Thanks a lot!

It's always the same people who are unhappy. You're rich, you've inherited, you don't have to work. You look dazzling, you know the right people, you're always invited to the best parties. And you don't feel like it anymore? You want to change that? Do I have a free hand? Then I'll get started!

You're sitting with a few friends in your favorite bar and tell them about your plan. More out of politeness than anything else, everyone says it sounds very exciting. You loosen your tie knot and undo the top button of your shirt. Phew, that's how you get your breath back. But you still need some fresh air, it's too crowded and stuffy in here. And somehow you don't feel like going back to the sissies. You feel more like going home, maybe doing a few more press-ups and then going to bed. After a few steps, you take a deep breath. And the top button of your shirt is blown off your chest like a projectile. The seams of your suit trousers are dangerously taut.

In the stairwell of the magnificent old building next to the city park where you live, the first seams crack. Thank God you don't meet anyone. By the time you get back to your apartment, your slim-fit tailored suit is in tatters. Somehow you're not even surprised. You tear off what's left of your clothes and stuff everything into the garbage can. Even your underpants no longer fit properly and are thrown away. You go naked to your dressing room and do a few push-ups, then squats, then a round of sit-ups until you're drenched in sweat. You stand in front of the mirror. Yes, you've gone through a growth spurt. And you stink. Sweat and musk. Delicious. But you still take a shower. The towel smells awful after drying off. And you don't feel a bit cleaner.

When you wake up the next morning, your cleaning lady has opened all the windows and is airing out the apartment. When she hears your footsteps on the way to the bathroom, she comes around the corner and is about to ask you where this unpleasant smell is coming from. You almost collide. You are still naked, scratching your hairy balls while still half asleep. Your cleaning lady turns bright red with fright. Then she holds her nose. You smell your armpit and say with a grin, "Excuse me, Maria, I'd better go and have a shower". In the bathroom, the laundry basket smells like a football team's changing room. You jump in the shower, but it doesn't seem to do any good this morning either. Damn, you might as well go to your workout. At least everyone there smells of sweat.

Damn, that was a really good workout. You pose in front of the mirror. Your sweaty tank top on the floor. During the workout you were incredibly focused on the weights, only now do you realize how disgusted the other customers are looking at you

You check your reflection again. Holy shit, you look really good, what's wrong with them all? Probably just jealous. You pick up your tank top from the floor. Somehow it smells a bit. You hold it up to your nose. Yes, it's sweat and musk. Maybe a little intense. You love it. The smell makes your cock hard. The sweat stains on your sweatpants are joined by precum stains. You need to take a shower now. And wank.

When you check out, the receptionist looks at you in disgust. He puts some ointment under his nose and puts on a face mask. He informs you that the studio requires a minimum level of personal hygiene from its customers. Several customers have already complained. He asks you to come showered and with fresh clothes next time.

Yes, you smell bad despite the shower. You walk back home because you don't feel like complaining again on the subway. Normally a pleasant walk. But for one thing, your legs are really exhausted from training. On the other hand, you feel that you easily weigh 20 pounds more than you did yesterday. You look in the mirror of a shop window as you pass by. Fuck, yeah! You see the reflection of a serious amateur bodybuilder.

You're too exhausted to climb the stairs to your apartment. You get into the elevator. Mrs. Spencer from the floor below you shouts for you to hold the elevator and barely slips through the closing door with her daughter. She holds her nose in disgust. And her daughter, perhaps four years old, asks why the big man smells so bad. Phew, the elevator isn't big anyway. Today it feels even narrower.

That was all a few weeks ago now. You left your impressive apartment because the stuffy neighbors were getting on your nerves. The nagging was unbearable. You thought that the cheap apartment building where you were staying temporarily was really just a temporary solution. But there are a lot of guys living here who are like you: fuck the opinions of others, the main thing is that you grow up. Really big! When you walk through the front door, you take a deep breath. It must have smelled something like this in a Neanderthal cave.

Since you've been banned from your hairdresser, you cut your hair yourself. You like it, it looks even more brutal and masculine. Even in your hardcore gym, your stench stands out. But here the other musclemen envy you for it. Hehehe, and there's always someone who will even pay money to press his face into your armpit or suck your cheesy cock. Your life is great!

Pics found @antoinepaul and @maxx-magnum

[guillotine-drop]

Rating POSTAL Dudes by how good they smell:

POSTAL - 9/10: I think his habitual reclusion and distrust of the world would probably mean he’s showering constantly, moreso than any other Dude, especially if he thinks there’s a ‘Hate Plague’ going on. I think he smells basic; very simple routine, just enough to make sure he feels clean, so at most he’ll smell like some generic 3-in-1 body wash and shampoo/conditioner, maybe something slightly nicer just for himself (some decent $15 aftershave for that menthol scent and cooling relief).

POSTAL Redux - 3/10: Exact opposite of his original incarnation, this greasy son of a bitch isn’t scared of shit he just wants to throw explosives at ostriches and parades. Barely showers, constantly stinks of stale sweat, old blood, cheap leather and cheaper cologne, punctuated with the scent of burnt gunpowder. Borderline noxious.

POSTAL 2 - 4/10: Smells just as bad as Redux Dude but gets the edge here because every now and then he goes outside and uses the neighbor’s hose to blast himself. Shockingly uses deodorant, still not enough to be perpetually leather and denim clad in the great state of Arizona. Almost constantly reeks of sweat and has the recognizable yet faint scent of stale piss wafting off of him, accompanied by the scent of even staler crack and pungent fast food. Almost pungent enough to drown the rest out. Almost.

POSTAL 3 - 2/10: If you were to raid the wash cart after a double overtime football game, steal every jockstrap in the place, wring the sweat into a bucket, and then bring it all to a boil, you’d have somewhere in the realm of what a clean P3 Dude smells like. On average, however, this man has managed to combine the overwhelming sensory nightmares of cat piss and cheap spray deodorant into an almost lethal concoction, ONLY made breathable by the strange and overpowering smell of gasoline that seems to seep from his pores. Approach with caution and for the love of god: do not bring bleach or matches near this freak.

POSTAL 4: No Regerts - 5/10: Despite looking like he crawled out of a dumpster after a bad divorce or a fantastic honeymoon, P4 Dude is shockingly passable in terms of being able to stand next to him for a prolonged period without gagging or killing him. Having learned the efficacy of not being encased in leather in the desert, he’s managed to bring his pungency down several notches. Still reeks of sweat most of the time, and the smell of burger grease and pepperoni follows him like a specter of death, but the piss scent stopped clinging on as hard. He’s also upgraded from hose showers with no supplies to sink baths with tiny gas station travel soaps. It’s an improvement, trust me.

Brain Damaged - 2/10: Take a look at his living space in the title screen, then watch the game’s cutscenes. Just soak it all in. Now that you’ve done that, you can understand that his rank ass smells exactly as bad as you might think it does. If it can come out of his body, it’s probably soaking some part of him. If you think any of the clothes on him have been washed, you’re wrong. This man smells like if someone firebombed an outhouse and pissed on it to put it out. The best thing for him would be getting blasted with a firehouse and a box of laundry detergent. Please.

The Other Dude - 1-10/10: Entirely depends on how the BD Dude would imagine he smells depending on the situation.

POOSTALL Dude - 6/10: Despite the name, this one actually smells pretty decent. The clearly larger coat with the rolled sleeves implies some level of understanding about how not to smell like swamp ass and sweat soaked leather, and truthfully, he looks like he bathes semi-regularly, a rarity amongst these guys.

POSTAL Doe - 9/10: I admit fully and entirely to my lack of impartiality to this one, but I’m willing to stand by it even if I lose my Stink Judge License: first of all, sleeveless leather trench coat AND a crop top mean less overheat which means less sweat. Second of all, visually cleaner than pretty much any of the dudes which implies some kind of self care regimen. Third, and most importantly, girlstink counts positive. I will not be turning in my badge or my gun.

Movie Dude - 8/10: This may be controversial, but despite the squalor he lives in and the fact that hems a cuckold and that his life sucks and that he can’t get a job and that he’s a loser- I digress. I think Movie Dude is in the top echelons of Dude Stink solely because I think he’d have a breakdown if he smelled bad. This man uses Dr. Teals. He stinks like a mix of eucalyptus and peppermint. If ever there was a Dude who had a skin routine, he still wouldn’t, but he’d definitely think about it one day. I think by the end he gets an extra point just because he gets a little hotter the more deranged he is. Overall very pleasant but I still wouldn’t give him $4.

John Murray - 2/10: Hasselridge seems to have a very… interesting relationship with what is and isn’t normal, so unsurprisingly, Johnny Boy would probably smell pretty rough. Considering how dingy, run down and shitty everything in that town appears to be, I can’t imagine anyone else is smelling like roses either. Just avoid the entire place, not least of all because of the zombie thing.

Shtopor - 0/10: Bad.

Nottem Portant - 5/10: Despite the misanthropy, dollar store Nathan Explosion thing and the absolutely abysmal gameplay, Mr. Hatred is actually extremely middle of the road on stink. Sure, he doesn’t smell great, but shockingly he washes his ass despite the whole ‘death to humanity’ thing. He does get point deduction for not washing his hair though, grease mop motherfucker.

[wishmaster]

Hi wishmaster, I'm your average kinda nerdy guy (no glasses though, guess that's one stereotype I don't fit) and my roommate is a kind guy but god he stinks and lives like a slob. He rarely showers coming back from the gym or his games and he's always bringing girls round. I've gotten used to it I guess but I know our place stinks, I'm too embarrassed to bring my girlfriend over because of it. I just wish he'd understand why I'm frustrated and would be a bit less of a dumb smelly meathead. I guess I'm not being fair and I should get to understand him more too, but I'm just nothing like him. Ugh I wish we both could understand each other more.

The next morning when you woke up all you could smell was a heavy musk, like your roommates. It was pungent as if if was all over you, but you showered before bed last night.

As you got out of bed you felt heavier, and then the smell hit you again, but the longer you smelled it it seemed the hornier you got as you walked towards the mirror a behemoth of a guy stared back at you. In the face it looked like you but your body was muscled and huge. Fuck you thought what the hell happened, then you remembered the wish you made. You sat down to grab your phone hoping to somehow change back, but instead of your phone you reached fro the day old pizza, fuck you were hungry, this body needed so much fuel.

Chips and soda can were scattered around you, you found yourself shoving them into your mouth, you needed fuel before you could go workout and get bigger, dude. Your clothes and you reeked of sweat and body odor all caked on from your long sessions in the gym, wait no you weren't a jock you were a nerd. The thought of that got you chuckling to yourself, you a stereotypical himbo a nerd?

Suddenly the door to your room flung open and standing there was that stuck up roommate of yours.

Jesus it stinks in here dude, you ever going to clean up in here, how the hell I'm I supposed to get laid with you stinking up this damn place all the time, and when was the last time you bathed?

You get laid, right. You joked never having seen him with a girl, unaware that it was you that had kept him from bringing her over but suddenly things changed, a spark was lit between you two, your musk was winning him over, You two change a bit more before you're suddenly in each other's embrace, you were drawn to one another, as far as the world was concerned you two had always been boyfriends, opposites truly did attract in your case having swapped lives had only made the passion hotter.

Your smell drove him crazy, made him so horny he'd jump you the moment he saw you, you couldn't keep your hands off one another now, your girl friend but a memory as you were his and he yours, your apart became filled with the stench of his mess, sweat and sex

you ripped his clean shirt off and began to suck his perfect nipples, you guy barely left the room after that as you had him becoming as stinky as you, but it was a smell you both grew to love.

[writing-until-i-drop]

What's In A Name? Chapter Two

Meg Harding and Kate Carter were inseparable until their friends died five ago, then she ran to New Orleans to save lives as a paramedic. But when Javi calls on his two oldest friends to help him collect data, counting on their matching natural instincts for tornadoes, Meg goes home for the first time in years. That's where she meets Tyler and the rest of the Wranglers, the YouTube storm chasers her dad likes to watch, and finds herself fitting in more with them than with Storm PAR. Meg only plans to stay for the week but will it be easy to leave when the dust settles?

If a certain cowboy has a say in it, nothing about leaving is going to be easy.

A/N: A failed tornado chase and a long night at the bonfire.

AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

Welp. That had been a shit show. Kate had panicked before Meg and Javi could get the PAR on the ground, nearly driving off without them. Javi had been frustrated out of the gate but quickly realized just how pale their friend had gotten, the trauma clear in her eyes. Neither of them needed to ask what she had been thinking, it was clear as day that Kate had been reliving the EF-5 that had taken their friends.

Meg had been shaken being so close to a tornado again but she had come to terms with the situation a long time ago thanks both to her line of work as a paramedic and to the views on life and death in her adoptive home of New Orleans. 

By the time they pulled into the shitty motel they’d be staying in for the night, the parking lot was filled with chasers throwing a little party, drinking, smoking, and dancing. There were even a few bonfires going, which Meg was sure the owners of the motel loved. 

“Haven’t we stayed here before?” Javi asked as the trio strolled towards the motel, Meg scrunched her nose, trying to recall if they had stayed at this specific shitty motel before. 

“Yeah, Javi,” Kate chuckled, “We’ve stayed in every motel in Oklahoma.” The three of them laughed, they really had stayed in a lot of motels while chasing storms for Kate and Parveen’s research.

“Remember we used to have Addy check in?” Javi reminisced, “Then later, we’d all sneak into the room just so we could all save ten bucks?” Kate and Meg were nodding along to the memories and Kate slipped her hand into Meg’s intertwining their fingers like old times. “We’d have Addy do it because she just looked-”

“So sweet,” The trio said together, laughing.

“She was also a cover hog, Kate and I would always end up cuddled up together to stay warm.” Kate snorted,

“And Parveen’s snoring?” 

“Oh my god, not even industrial earplugs could block him out,” Javi added and they trailed off into a comfortable silence. “Hey, um, do you guys want to hang out later?” Javi asked and before Meg could agree, Kate was already shaking her head.

“We’re a little tired, Javi,” Kate spoke for the two of them like she always had. It didn’t bother Meg but she also wished that Kate was more open to having some fun after what they had been through that day. “Maybe another night?” Javi’s face fell but he recovered quickly, smiling at them.

“Yeah, alright, goodnight.”

“Night, Jav,” Meg hugged him tight, giving him a peck on the cheek. “Take a shower, you stink,” 

“Yet somehow you still smell fresh as a cow’s ass, Meg,” Javi teased, ruffling her already messy hair. Kate pulled her away from Javi towards their shared room, quietly humming a tune Meg didn’t recognize. “It’s good to have y’all back!”

“I’m not back,” Kate shook her head with a smile. Javi’s eyes landed on Meg who was grinning, shrugging,

“You’ve got a week to convince me, Jav.” That lit his face up like a kid on Christmas.

They were halfway up a set of stairs when Tyler’s voice stopped them.

“City Girl, Louisiana,” The rest of the Wranglers shouted in greeting. Seeing them up close and personal, Meg was reminded not only of her friends but of her family, the chasers who she had grown up around and it made her smile. This was why her dad and the crew liked watching the streams so much, they saw themselves in the Wranglers and now that’s all Meg could see. A fondness grew in her heart for them. “The cells to the west will choke each other out, they said. The one to the east will put on a show.” Boone had a shit-eating grin on his face, obviously drunk as he hung off the side of Tyler’s truck.

“Well, it didn’t throw you off the scent,” Kate bit out with fake amusement.

“Hey, that’s what makes Tyler famous,” Boone gestured to his friend, who flushed at the compliment, turning his attention back to the weather instrument he was fixing.

“On YouTube?” Kate teased sarcastically but Boone was too far gone to get the nuance of the situation.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. We’re on YouTube.” He looked towards the rest of the crew, “We got what? About a million subscribers now?” The Wranglers whooped in excitement.

“Yes, sir,” The one Meg recognized as Lily chimed in, focused on her drone. Ben, the reporter from earlier in the day, came closer with his little notepad.

“Um, Kate and Meg what? In case I mention you in the article I’m writing,” Kate physically pulled away from the situation, trying and failing to look relaxed.

“Um, just Kate’s fine.”

“Starts with an H if that helps, Ben,” Meg gave him a tight smile, unwilling to share her famous surname in a parking lot full of chasers. Ben dutifully noted the information.

“They’re tricky,” Tyler remarked. Boone took over again, leaning dangerously far off of the truck.

“Actually, you made a good call earlier. The other cell looked stronger but the cap never broke.”

“What’s a cap?” Ben looked painfully confused and Meg felt bad for him, being so out of his element. Dexter’s explanation didn’t help much so Meg added in,

“Think of it as a shield in the atmosphere that prevents a tornado from forming.” That’s how Preacher had explained it to her as a kid, she saw the lightbulb go off in Ben’s head as he scribbled it down. “Are you hurt, Ben?” The man touched his temple where there was a bit of dried blood,

“‘Tis but a flesh wound, my dear.” Meg rolled her eyes, dropping her backpack on the ground and hopping the railing, landing deftly on the ground with the Wranglers with her heavy medical bag on her shoulder. 

“Let the professional be the judge of that.” Meg knelt, digging out an alcohol wipe and a few bandages while the conversation flowed around them.

“Where did you guys all meet?” Kate asked, “Did you all study meteorology at U of A?” That got a laugh out of the rowdy group, none of whom had formally studied besides Tyler.

“This is going to burn for a second probably, alright, Sweetie?” Ben winced as she swiped away the dried blood. The wound wasn’t big, already scabbed over, so Meg put a regular bandaid on it, one of the bandaids she kept for kids with a smiling kitten on it. “Right as rain. Anyone else need a checkup?” 

“You a doctor?” Lily asked, both brows raised.

“Nah, just a paramedic but I can fix you up if something’s bothering you.” 

“Well, I hit my bicep on the camper door, I think you should kiss it better,” Dani said with a grin, teasing her. Meg rolled her eyes but happily crossed their set up to the impressively muscular woman. “Right here, Doc.” She flexed, pointing to a perfectly tan spot on her arm.

“I agree with your diagnosis, here,” Meg kissed the woman’s arm, “All better?” 

“Here hurts too,” She pointed at her cheek and Meg obliged. “Thanks, Doc. All better.” 

“I guarantee you, these guys have seen more tornadoes than anyone else on this lot combined.” 

“Not likely,” Meg snorted softly. Dani gave her a questioning look, “Not my first rodeo by a long shot, Sweet Thing.” 

“Really, do tell, Doc,” Meg shook her head, “I ain’t nearly drunk enough to start telling stories.”

“Dexter, get this fine-looking woman a beer,” Meg looked up at Kate who was shaking her head with an easy smile on her face, used to Meg making friends anywhere they went.

“Where are you chasing tomorrow?” Lily asked Kate, who looked like she was going to answer when Tyler interrupted her. Dexter dutifully handed Meg an unopened can of Budweiser.

“Oh no, no, no, not falling for that again. Kate’s from New York, you can’t trust a word she says.” Meg snorted, covering it up with a cough, thanking Dexter for the beer. Tyler must have never heard a New York accent before because Kate’s twang, as much as she tried to hide it, was so clearly southern.

“Well, you can always trust a guy who puts his face on a t-shirt,” Kate snarked with a grin, getting yet another laugh out of the Wranglers. “See you in the room, Mud Bug.” Kate shouldered Meg’s bag and headed up the stairs.

Dani pulled a folding chair out of the van and motioned for Meg to join them, Boone, who had been focused on Kate, joined them after a few seconds.

“You seem like a cool cat, Meg. Don’t tell me you got one of those fancy degrees too,” Meg shook her head, taking a sip of the cold beer with a sigh.

“Just a bachelor's in public health.” 

“So you were sniffing the dirt for fun?” Tyler called down from the top of his truck,

“Said I never studied, doesn’t mean I haven’t been around more twisters than in your wildest dreams,” Meg called back, getting a pat on the shoulder from Dani. “Here, Sweet Thing, my first tattoo,” She pointed to her bicep, where there was a large illustration of a tornado with Dorothy’s sensors flying in it.

“Shit, that’s cool, what’s in it?” 

“Y’all know about Dorothy?” Dexter perked up, spinning around,

“I do!”

“What’s Dorothy?” Ben asked, pen poised over his notebook again. Meg would have to text her mom about this, it would make her coo with laughter imagining her daughter enthralling a group of chasers and a reporter with stories about her and her husband’s old project.

“It revolutionized tornado data,” Dexter spoke excitedly.

“Yep, two Muskogee State PhDs and their team came up with the idea to send sensors up a tornado’s funnel, which recorded real-time data about the tornado. Allowing them to create a better early warning system.” 

“Bill and Jo Harding,” Dexter added, “They’re legends in the field.” Meg had a sneaking suspicion that Dexter would have a heart attack if he ever met her parents. “Can I see it?” He gestured to her arm and she held it out for him. Dexter snapped a photo of it with his phone with Meg’s permission.

“Seeing a twister suck up those sensors is a godly experience,” Meg teased, taking a long drink of her beer as she watched her words sink in.

“You’ve watched Dorothy be deployed?”

“Many times, like I said, not my first rodeo. Kate and Jav’s seen it too once or twice.” Boone’s face soured,

“What are you doing with that crowd anyway? Storm PAR ain’t great company to keep.” Meg filed that information away for a later date, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“I ain’t here to be with them, I’m here for Kate, who’s here to help out an old friend.” Boone seemed satisfied with that answer, 

“Shit, you got a lot of tattoos.” 

“This ain’t even all of them, Boonie Baby,” She realized her mistake as soon as the nickname left her mouth. Lily was the first to round on her,

“You watch our streams?” 

“I’ve seen a few minutes here and there, darlin’, enough to know who y’all are.” Tyler climbed down off of the truck, giving her an appraising look that had Meg turning pink. 

“I was right, Louisiana, you are a tricky one.” Meg rolled her eyes, “What’s so funny?” 

“Not from Louisiana, Arkansas,” Boone chuckled at his friend’s expense, patting him on the shoulder. “Take another guess.” 

“Texas?” 

“Say that again and I’ll slash your tires, Sweetie Pie,” Meg was a proud Sooners fan, her hatred for the Texas Longhorns running deep. Tyler barked out a laugh, shaking his head. 

“An Oklahoma girl then, I should’ve known.” Ben looked confused again, so Meg bailed him out, explaining the college football rivalry. “So, if this isn’t your first rodeo, what was?” 

“You always goin’ around askin’ girls what their first tornadoes were?” Meg teased,

“Only the pretty ones.” Meg’s blush deepened, “So, what was it, Oklahoma?” Meg finished her beer,

“Got anything stronger?” Boone happily fetched her another can, this time it was purple with a high APV rating on the bottom. He perched himself on the edge of the table Lily was working on, Tyler coming to stand at his side.

“My parents loved to chase a storm, any storm, and when I was five we were out to dinner when dad realized something big was about to break. So, they threw me in the car, and off we went. It came down right in front of us, maybe a hundred yards down the road. We were stupid close to an F-3,” 

“EF-3, you mean?” Tyler tried to correct her, eyes widening when she shook her head.

“This was 2001, Sweetie Pie, now hush, I��m telling a story.” 

“Yeah, Ty, hush,” Dani huffed. Meg took great pleasure in Tyler’s blush and the way he looked away from the group to hide it.

“It was beautiful, watching it uproot the trees along the road, eating everything in its path. I tried to get my mom to open up the sunroof so I could climb out and see it better.” 

“You weren’t scared?” Ben asked, writing notes. Meg had never been scared of a tornado in her life, something her parents accused each other of teaching her. Not even after the incident, she respected them and the damage they could do of course.

Mother Nature was not someone she wanted to mess with but she had always just found the storms to be chaotic, wild, and absolutely thrilling. Being scared of dying was another question, one she hadn’t been asked and wasn’t going to answer. Her wrist started to ache and Meg switched the hand holding her drink.

“You know when you see a lion at the zoo? It’s kind of like that, you know it’s a killing machine and could and would rip you to shreds without breaking a sweat but you also can’t help but admire how majestic and beautiful it is.” 

“God, look at his face,” Lily scoffed, looking at Tyler. Meg glanced his way and found him staring back at her with a look she couldn’t read but one of his friends seemed to understand.

“But you’re a paramedic, not a chaser?” Ben prompted, drawing her attention away from the cowboy.

“That’s right, storms are the love of my life but helping people, that’s what I’m good at. But enough about me, who else has some stories? Laissez les bons temps rouler!” 

“Hell yeah!” Boone tapped his can to hers, “I like you!”

Next Chapter

Taglist: @theforevermorereject @beltzboys2015-blog @writingrose @sinners-98-world @nerdgirljen @candlejuice

Want to join the taglist? Just ask!

[coff-in]

hiiiii coffin how are you!!!

may I request your amazing thoughts on Andrew and Ashley seeing their little sister [reader] using their clothes all (most) of the time?

like Ashley and her share a wardrobe, and their clothes do get mixed from time to time but she goes out of her way to get one of her sisters skirts, or sometimes when she walks out of the shower and it’s cold she gets one of Andrew’s baggy sweaters; and they realize that she now smells like a mixture of her own perfume, Ashley’s and Andrew’s with a hint of cigarette smoke. and as an extra pro, it gives them an ego boost seeing her flaunting around with their clothes!

- Dungeon Anon

notes from coff-in: dungeon, it's so hot where i am... i'm dying :( i'm melting :( i hate the summer... i hope you're faring better than me. jsut finished writing the response: holy hell im craving girlcock now

[fem] reader-insert, transfem andrew snuck her way in here, NSFW, incest

their little sister would look so cute in their clothes!! ashley would complain sometimes if [reader] wears something that she wanted to wear but any other time she's teasing [reader] about it. andrew feels oddly possessive when seeing his baby sister wearing his sweaters. he'd whine about it at first "did you have to wear my sweater?" and "can't you find one of ashley's old jackets to wear?" but he likes seeing her wear his clothes. maybe brushes his fingers against the nape of [reader]'s, excusing it as him fixing the sweater's tag

if we wanna talk about smells then we should look at their beds. sleep in a bed for two or three months without washing it and it'll pick up a scent that is definitely not fresh linen. andrew and ashley would be soo flustered if they saw [reader] sniffing and huffing their smelly sheets and pillows while wearing their clothes. mmm....

this fucking hear where i live would make wearing a black sweater fucking insane. if andrew choose to keep wearing that thing then [reader] would definitely be smelling that big brother scent along with cigarettes and that leyley perfume

codependency is codependent, ashley would fucking LOVE wearing [reader]'s clothes even if it's not exactly her style. it just shows how comfortable they are together that they're able to share clothes so casually, especially stuff like bras and underwear if compatible. andrew doesn't wear clothes that belong to ashley or [reader] since he's significantly taller, but maybe he'd snag a shirt and cuddle with it. maybe use it as a diy nightmare repellent, using the shirt as a pillowcase and pretending that it's his sister. "you smell so good sis..." and "... mngh, you stink... we should bathe together, hm?" and when he starts rutting into the pillow he'd bite on it like it's her collarbone and groan "shh! you gotta be quiet or you'll wale up mom"

transfem andrew would share clothes with ashkey and [reader] tho... wear [reader]'s skirt (that's a little short on her) and one of ashely's low cut long sleeves. do u think andrew has an incest kink or is she just attracted to her sibling/s specifically? just imagining her bending her baby sister [reader] in half in bed and muttering "you're so good for your big sis..." and [reader] lets out a "mommy..." cause andrew raised her and ashley their whole lives. andrew pauses a little and whispers in [reader]'s ear "you want mommy? you want your mommy to take care of you?" GRRR i need I NEED TO fucking EXPLODE " such a good daughter, taking her mommy's load... being such a good girl for m-mommy" WAAHHH I CAN'T I CAN'T (i love women so much ♡)

what if [reader] just got naked to the panties during the summer before bed? it's so fucking hot so she kicks andrew and ashley out of her bed and now they're just staying up all night knowing that their naked little sister is RIGHT THERE, her pretty tits and soft stomach (i gotta write fat/chubby reader one day cause THEYRE SO ME!!) and thick thighs bare for them to see except they can't touch!! how dare god put the most beautiful thing just out of reach... so unfair

i think andrew and ashley would have scent kinks (different intensities) but u lmk how u feel abt that. what kinks do you think they'd have? i wanna hear it, share with me your knowledge

indulge in incest

----

coff-in

[lumitylovepill]

Two Hantengu Hc’s

Headcanons with Lumi because she just had her first finals and now her brain is fried 

Hc #1 

-They stink 

-like…badly 

-They’re demons who don’t take showers of course they’re going to smell like ass 

-How strong the smell is depends on them 

-Sekido: he smells bad, it’s noticeable and he doesn’t gaf 

-Karaku: It’s barely noticeable for him but spend enough time around him and you will smell it 

-Urogi: Don’t get me started on this man, he STINKS 

-Aizetsu: He actually doesn’t smell that bad 

-Zohakuten: …He most definitely stinks…pure fucking ASS like god damn. He more specifically smells like Bo and rotting flesh 

-Urami: He doesn’t come out much so he doesn’t stink like the others 

-Hantengu: after Zohakuten he smells the worst (old man smell 💀) 

Hc #2 

-most of them can’t read or write for shit 

-they don’t necessarily need to know how to read or write 

-Sekido: he can kinda write, but not that well. If you give him a book he won’t even open it. 

-Karaku: He can’t write shit but can read at a first grade level 

-Urogi: No just no. Look at this man and tell me he knows how to hold a pencil 💀💀 

-Aizetsu: He can write small sentences and read at a first grade level too 

-Zohakuten: try to make him write but he’ll just break the pencil because he doesn’t know how to hold it. Don’t give this man a book, he’ll rip it out of frustration. 

-Urami: He won’t even try, can’t read or write 

-Hantengu: Messy handwriting and can read decently 

This is all I could get out, Im never doing this again. And Im not proof reading any of this.

[ryiju-muunie]

[I] Know it's for the better

Usopp/transfem!Sanji Vinsmoke & Luffy D. Monkey/Zoro Roronoa Warnings: college/university AU, POV Usopp, Nami-Usopp friendship, mutual pining, friends to lovers, fluff and humor, tooth-rotting fluff, light angst, misunderstanding, cuddling, slow dancing, applying lipstick, cheesy romance, ambiguously early 2000s Word count: 18816 DESC: Ever since high school, Sanji and Usopp were the best of friends. Two social outcasts with nothing better to do than talk to each other. But now, he hadn’t thought about his old friend in almost three years, opting to live his life in the present rather than focus on the past. Who needed that jerk who ghosted him anyways? Not him! He was happier now! That was until he got a message on Facebook. //// Usopp mistakens his very intense feelings as misogyny.

Two uploads in one night whaaat

NOTES: I want to thank @pyr0frnzy for helping me with some plot ideas as the god of Sanuso and putting up with my constant DMing for how I could improve scenes! None of this would've been possible if you and I didn't bounce back and forth between different ideas! I've had this idea in my head for so long and it turned into something more meaningful than I could've ever expected. It's so much more heartfelt about love than it was originally going to be. More Rom than Com. And yes, Sanji might be OOC, you'll have to tell me. I'm not too good at writing him as a character, but I really wanted to give it a try in this kind of au. So let me know [politely I will cry] if I can improve! Thank you to Sailor Song by Gigi Perez for being the only thing I listened to, to write the latter half of this story. Especially since my mom texted me to change it because it's been days.

-

They were inseparable. Ever since high school, Sanji and Usopp were the best of friends. Maybe it was because they were opposites who attracted one another, or maybe it was because they were both a bit socially awkward. Two social outcasts with nothing better to do than talk to each other. To anyone else it could have seemed sad or pathetic but having each other was enough. Someone to lean on who understood you. So, when Sanji had decided to leave the country for college, it was devastating. He had told his friend of his plans to become a culinary chef and make a name for himself. He had said how he’d never leave, but instead improve his own community with his food. So, it was a surprise to the brunette when he found out that his best friend would leave, especially to a place with such … little technology.  

Of course, he had assumed it had to be him. Did he stink? Did he smell so bad his friend had to leave across the globe? Oh, maybe he did something so embarrassingly stupid he blacked out! And now the blonde was leaving him because of it! Of course, Usopp knew that it couldn’t be that [he never blacked out]. So, it had to be something else he did. Was he too touchy? Or too honest? He knew that all those late-night talks about their feelings would eventually bite him in the ass! 

Whatever the case was, he bit back his protests in favor of his best friend. When they said goodbye, that was that for three years. Three years had passed, and the brunette had grown. It was apparent from his constant habit to Facebook his whole life, or the fact he started working out as a nervous habit. The once scrawny guy who used to be too scared to even stand up for himself was now … well, still scared to stand up for himself- but he was more built now!  

Sanji wasn’t on his mind anymore. The first few months he tried to Facebook messenger his friend, but the messages would never go through. That, or he was being ghosted. Either way, he had to give up at some point, right, and move on! So maybe that’s why he started working out. Every time his mind would wander to his almost infatuation with his friend, he picked up a weight and crunched until he couldn’t think anymore. Was infatuation the right word? More like, constant-need-to-be-around-him-and-touch-him-and-breathe-in-his-scent-itous! And that was totally normal. Best friends always touched each other, like hand holding or cuddling if it got too cold at a sleepover. He couldn’t help but miss that, yet when he started to yearn- he went to do a few pull ups.  

Now Usopp was 22, almost 23, and taller than before. Maybe he grew muscles in his feet too! He’d have to Google that. He hadn’t thought about his old friend in almost three years, opting to live his life in the present rather than focus on the past. Who needed that jerk who ghosted him? Not him! He was happier now! College was about to start up again, his senior year. He had a future career planned in engineering and the student wasn’t about to let some old memories rupture his plans.  

That was until he got a message on Facebook as he was watching TV on his couch. He wasn’t too good with phones, preferring a laptop instead. But this I-Black-Moto-Whatever would work for now. The man pressed a few buttons on the keyboard and used that strange mouse thing to click into his Facebook app. He hadn’t used that app in, honestly, a few hours. Getting a message this late before school wasn’t uncommon, but it wasn’t typical. Clearly someone needed something from him, probably Zoro. Knowing him, the idiot got lost on his way back to the apartment.  

But instead, it was a blank profile he hadn’t seen active in three years, with one message queued: ‘Usopp, can we talk?’ 

His eyes widened at the sight, letting out a breath. What. Was. He. Supposed. To. Do!? Usopp hadn’t prepared for Sanji messaging him out of the blue! He wasn’t even prepared for his upcoming midterms and his semester hadn’t even started!! Instead of acting, however, he opted to set his phone down. As if it was on fire, he dropped it and covered a pillow over it, then pressed his hand to the center.  

Demon phone, being possessed by such negative energy…  

Then he heard it buzz again from under the cushion. That made the student jump and stare down at the cushion. Two messages in the span of about forty-five seconds was a record. Especially for Sanji. It had to have been important, or at the very least something. I mean, radio silence for three years then two messages back-to-back? If anything, he was kind of lucky. The blonde could have just not ever messaged him again, leaving him to wonder what if for eternity. But he did get a message. Two in fact. It would be rude at that point not to respond with something, or at least not read the other one.  

Slowly, the man pushed the pillow from his phone, letting it fall to the ground. Then he picked up the demon phone and turned it, looking at the screen. Another message had queued on the app, from the same person: ‘It’s Sanji. From High School.’ Before he could dare respond, however [or process what the hell was happening], his phone lit up. Someone was calling him. Was it him? Was it the person he swore he’d never see again if he could help it? Was it the person, though, that he deep down secretly hoped would run into him at the supermarket, so he could beg for him to be back in his life?  

Usopp wasn’t even prepared!! The man never knew what he was going to do if Sanji wanted to come back into his life. Frankly, he assumed this would never happen. He just thought they were done with. Forever. So, the fact this was happening, days before his senior year at college, was very very stressful.  

Without looking at the number or caller ID, to verify if it was the contact he never erased from his phone, he clicked the button and brought it to his ear, “...Sanji?” The brunette’s voice was timid, a soft whisper. Never did he think he was ever going to hear the other man's voice again. Or even think that they’d get to see each other. It was almost surreal, a kind of moment he wanted to photograph and save in his memories forever. It could be the beginning of something more, another chance at their friendship. Or it would tie up the loose ends of their old one, leaving them both satisfied with answers.  

“Who the hell is Sanji?”  

But no, it was Zoro.  

Usopp kind of deflated at the sound of the gruff voice on the other line, contrasting the soft voice he had grown to miss. Sanji’s voice was nice and fluttery, although he knew he could raise it to be rough if he needed too. His roommate was definitely gruff, or less emotional than he was used to. The other man was more in touch with his emotions [anxiety], whereas the moss-headed one didn’t feel nearly as many emotions [anxiety] as his roommate. 

He swallowed, “Uh TV character, whaddya want?” The man placed his phone between his shoulder and his head, adjusting his position on the couch to look at the screen ahead of him. It was some YouTube video he had found, nothing he was really interested in. YouTube was just a glorified ad filled Netflix with weird homemade videos. He’d rather watch anything else than the gardening video he ended up clicking on.  

“I got us Chinese food,” Zoro replied into the phone, shuffling a bit into the microphone before he continued, “And I ran into that chick you liked last year. She’s ugly.” From the way his voice muffled a bit, before becoming clear, his roommate could tell he was probably eating some of their dinner. Great.  

“She isn’t ugly!” Usopp retorted, looking away from the TV to find the remote to shut it off. Maybe some Criminal Minds would suffice… 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud exhale, “You have the weirdest type in women.’

“She isn’t ugly,” he narrowed his eyes, taking a hold of the remote and clicking the television off YouTube. What a self-centered sword obsessed prick. Zoro was more focused on Luffy’s [their other roommate] muscles than actual women. He just didn’t have taste! To Usopp, all women were pretty! Even that one girl who tried to get some of his blood to sell on the dark web… To be fair he had a crush on her before he realized she was weird like that. 

“She so is,” he bit into another piece of food audibly, “I have Luffy, too.” Zoro passed the phone to the spikey haired maniac as the brunette sighed out an ‘of course you do’. 

“Heyyyy Sopp!” Luffy yelled into the phone, making his roommate pick his own device up and turn it on speaker phone, to hold it away from his ear, “We got Indian!”  

“I thought Zoro said Chinese?” He asked, a bit unsure. When it came to Zoro, though, he was used to hearing the wrong thing. Maybe he was dyslexic or had one too many boxing incidents, but he had no sense of … anything. Direction, spelling, breathing, direction, walking, anything!! He was unsure as to how the moss was able to survive that long without him in order to watch over him.  

“No, I said Indian,” Roronoa spoke into the phone, before it was pulled back to Luffy who giggled, “We got Indian.”  

As Usopp went to reply he heard another faint voice in the background, who he instantly recognized. He let out a gasp and brought the phone to his face, nose pressing against the small screen, “Put Nami on.” Nami wasn’t exactly their roommate, but she was welcome to live with them if she so chose to. She was one of his closest friends, someone who remembered their high school days with Sanji. She’d understand his anxieties and most of all she’d talk some sense into him. Knowing her, she’d tell him to respond politely instead of hiding away forever. Even though he really wanted to hide forever.  

“Usopp?” Her voice cut clearly through the microphone of his cellphone.  

“Go off speaker, I have important business to discuss,” he wasn’t wrong per se, but he didn’t want to outright say it knowing that Luffy and Zoro could hear. They’d probably laugh at him for freaking out so much! It wasn’t his fault this was basically the end of the world for him!  

The man’s friend let out a sigh and he heard a bit of shuffling before she responded, “What’s wrong now?” Of course, she knew something was wrong! It was Nami! Nami knew everything! He knew he could always count on her for advice and more so to calm his nerves. 

“Well,” Usopp hesitated a bit, his voice pitching another octave before he continued, “Sanji Facebooked me.” 

“Sanji Facebooked you?!” She repeated before the student shushed her loudly.  

“No-no! Don’t say it out loud!” He hit the phone against his head. Then he spoke in a more quiet, shaky voice, “I don’t know what to do.” 

It was silent for a moment, but he could tell she was giving him her signature look, “You’re pathetic.”  

“Hey!” He interjected as she then asked, “What did his Facebook say?” 

Oh … what did it say? Usopp had been so caught up in all the drama of it he kind of forgot what the message said. He pressed his lips together and made a small popping sound, “Um… It’s Sanji from high school…?” That was right, right? Probably.  

“And you answered right?” Nami prodded. By this point he knew his roommates were probably listening, or worse had her put him back on speaker. Cat was out of the bag, and the cat had Facebook, apparently.  

“...Was I supposed to...?” He squeaked. What did it matter if he saw the message and didn’t answer yet? It wasn’t like Sanji could see the fact he had read it without answering.  

“Did you click into the message?” Her voice was beginning to sound annoyed, as if she already knew the answer to what she just asked.  

“Yeahh,” he looked away as his phone jolted in his hand from a loud, “YOU IDIOT!” From Nami. Usopp jumped and his cellphone fumbled a bit in his hand before it landed on the floor before him, shaking as she yelled, “Facebook has read receipts now!” Read receipts? He narrowed his eyes at the phone and peered over the couch as it rumbled around.  

Then it went silent as the phone had been clearly taken from her and Zoro’s voice played through the speaker, “Your Sanji can see you saw his message without responding.” Oh! Oh. He knew? He knew Usopp read the message and seemingly ignored it? Oh god! Oh no! He didn’t mean to ignore his old best friend, more so, he was trying to figure out what to do. I mean, if he had it his way, he would ignore it. Not in a mean way, more in a cowardly way. But knowing Nami, she’d never let him live if he didn’t at least respond. Maybe she was in it more for the drama or she was trying to get him to be a better person than she clearly was.  

The brunette climbed down from the couch onto the floor, kneeling over the phone as he let out a breath, “How far are you guys?” Maybe he could wait for them to get back so he could respond with all their help, instead of being left to navigate it on his own.  

“Thirty minutes!” Luffy shouted from the far side of the phone, “We went to the Indian place across town!” Okay, so he could wait thirty minutes.  

Sanji would just have to be patient; he was patient right? But knowing Sanji he was probably concerned. He knew his old friend well enough to know that if he had read a message without responding it meant something was up, even if he didn’t intend it. That blonde always worried for him, even if he didn’t need it. That’s why they were such good friends. Usopp had someone he could lean on who had just enough emotional un-regulation to understand him and his own anxieties.  

He knew Luffy and Zoro were good friends, and they meant well, but none of them were in tune with their emotions. Nami too, she was nice but she wasn’t the emotional type. He needed someone he could cry to, and someone who would know him well enough to know exactly what to do. In some way, the man wanted to come crawling back to his old friend and pretend no time had passed. Pretend everything was okay so he could be held with comfort and fed those rice balls, those delicious rice balls. 

Usopp went to speak but his ginger friend read his mind, “You’re not waiting. Respond to him then call us back.” And the phone clicked, turning the screen off from the phone call to show his Facebook messages. Sanji’s chat was open, and ten minutes had already passed. He seemed to still be online, his profile picture just being a faceless photo of some scenery. His old friend's profile was the same, and it had been for three years. There was one post he made when he started high school of some flowers, with the caption, ‘Just planted these. Hoping they’ll grow by the time HS ends’. That was his only post. Nothing with his face now or his new place.  

He wondered, did Sanji look the same? Did the blonde grow his hair out or keep it short? Did he change his part and finally brush those strands away to show both of his eyes? Or maybe he finally shaved that annoying stubble on his chin that Usopp would always make fun of. Or he grew it out into a long beard. The man squinted his eyes at the thought, shaking his head. His friend wouldn’t do that, he wasn’t the type to like facial hair like that. And a blonde beard? That would just look strange.  

Usopp sighed and picked up his phone, drumming his thumbs against the keyboard. I mean, he could say hi to start. That wouldn’t be rude, right? It set the stage for a nice conversation! It was polite and cordial, and it said nothing about his desperation to hear his friend's voice again. So, he sent the message, ‘hi’. As he went to put his phone down, it buzzed. Oh. His eyes widened slowly at the realization Sanji had been waiting for him to respond for … ten minutes. Well, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before.  

Sanji’s message read, ‘Hi, Usopp. It’s Sanji. Can we talk?’ Weren’t they talking now? Or did he mean over the phone? If his friend wanted to call him all he had to do was that, just call. And if he was honest, the brunette was betting on this. He really wanted to hear that man’s voice again. How soft it was, and how calming it could be.  

So, he responded, ‘yeah let’s talk’. To which he instantly got the reply, ‘What’s your number, I got a new phone.’ Is that why they lost contact, because Sanji lost his number? I mean, that would make sense. But why for three years did he neglect to message Usopp and ask for it? Why was it now that he decided to message and break the ice? Unless something happened. Oh god, was he dying? Was his old best friend dying!? He was probably bald and sick, in the fetal position in a hospital bed!  

Usopp sent his number and set the phone down on the floor beside him. It was quiet. No calls or buzzing for a few minutes, to the point where the man had suspected Vinsmoke only wanted his number to block it. I mean, was this it? Was he never going to hear from him again? Was this a taste of something that was going to be taken even quicker than before? So, it surprised him, causing him to jump just a tad, when his ringer went off. There on the screen was an unfamiliar phone number with an even more unfamiliar area code. He did say he was going far… 

The brunette drummed his fingers against the side of his phone before clicking the answer button, turning it on speaker. God, was it always this nerve wracking to talk to him? Well, before all of this they lived practically next door to each other, in a town Usopp never left. Okay technically, he did leave- now he’s in the city over.  

“Usopp?” A light voice filled his ears from the other side of the phone. It was different from what he had remembered of Sanji’s prepubescent voice. It was airy and dainty, something that reminded him of spring, oddly enough. His voice was gorgeous, so pretty he barely even recognized it until he made a sort of strangled noise, causing his friend to laugh. There it was. The same laugh he was so used to it felt so homely to hear. A breathless laugh, the kind where you knew he’d be covering his open mouth with a lazy fist.

“Sanji,” he responded in a whisper, staring wide eyed at the screen. If only he could Skype on such a small device. That would be neat, right? “You’re real…” Usopp didn’t mean to say aloud, but he couldn’t help it. Some part of him really wished this would’ve happened sooner. Some part of him was dreaming about this day for three years. And that part of him had taken over, taking control of his mouth too.  

There was no response for a few seconds, before he heard the other say, “Of course I’m real… I can’t believe you responded to me.” He sounded shocked, as if he was in as much disbelief as the other man was. But they were both tiptoeing around the subject at hand. Why did Sanji leave him in the dark for three whole years? No messages or calls back? Why did he have to go so far away and seemingly never return until now?  

“Why did you go, Sanji?” Saying his name was foreign, but Usopp never wanted to stop. He missed how it felt on his tongue as it rolled off. He missed hearing his own name from his friend's lips, hearing how elegant it sounded compared to anyone else. That’s what he was, the blonde was elegant. In everything he did, he did it with poise and grace. God, in a way he kind of envied that. All that training in manners and etiquette from his dad really paid off, making the brunette look like a slob in comparison to the other. But he didn’t envy his friend's home life.  

What Sanji went through made sense as to why he’d want to leave. Why he’d want to abandon everything and start over in another country. Yet… he always wondered why he wasn’t asked to come with him. Why didn’t his friend think, maybe my best friend should accompany me? Wasn’t it obvious? Usopp would have followed him to the ends of the Earth if it meant they could’ve been together- platonically that is… With wives. And sex! Yeah… 

It was becoming too quiet on the other end; the student half expected the blonde had hung up on him before he heard a small sniff. Small enough for him to know that he was going to get a loaded answer for his very loaded question.  

“I’m… not the same person,” he heard a shaky voice murmur into the phone, “I was scared you wouldn’t like it…” Wouldn’t like him? Was Sanji kidding? He loved who he was, every bit of it. How could he dislike or even hate him? Even if it had been so long, he couldn’t deny the fact he could never hate his best friend. No matter how hard he tried, Usopp physically couldn’t.  

“I’m happy,” he let out a cry, “I’m finally happy,” there he heard a hiccup, “I miss my home. I’ve been away from home for so long…”  

“Home?” Usopp asked, drawing a blank as to what home his friend missed. Last he checked, he wanted to get out of that house as quickly as possible. How could he miss it? 

“Home is with the people I love,” Sanji inhaled shakily, “I want to go home. I want to,” he hiccupped and sniffed, clearly sobbing more than he had intended to, “I want to go home, Usopp. I’m me and … I want to go home…” It was heartbreaking to hear his friend fall apart, all while he could do nothing but listen. Nodding his head as if the blonde could see it and rubbing the side of the phone as if it was his back. The man didn’t entirely understand all the words his friend sobbed about being himself, but he didn’t care. If he was happy, why was he needing to understand? All he wanted was his best friend back and now he got it, he wasn’t going to lose it.  

“Come home,” he answered, determination rising in his voice, “Please.”  

-

The plan was simple: Sanji and Usopp were going to have a good old-fashioned sleepover. I mean, what's to stop two best friends from sleeping in the same bed after two years? Nothing! If it was too awkward, he’d take the couch and let his guest veg out on his twin XL. Yeah, okay, it was going to be crammed, but nothing that they couldn’t handle!  

Usopp had been counting down the days until his best friend's flight came back, as he had transferred to his college to finish up his last year, Facebooking him any chance he could get. It was truly an addiction. Talking to his friend and being able to hear his voice whenever he so chose to. All the student had to do was pick up the phone and press a few buttons to hear that laugh, that sweet laugh he could trigger with just a few stupid jokes. Now it was the day of, or well, the morning of. Of course, he couldn’t sleep. It was due to a mixture of nerves and pure excitement at the thought of seeing his best friend. Although, his anxiety was beginning to outweigh those bundling feelings of joy, ever since he got the text, ‘When we meet. I need to tell you something important.’  

Okay, so this could have meant about two things: Sanji was dying, or Sanji had a girlfriend. It was more realistic to think his best friend was dying, since he never had luck with women. So that had to be it. I mean, what other major change could he have gone through in three years that fundamentally changed him as a person? At least, that’s what he kept alluding to, that something would be completely and utterly different. It didn’t feel different when they’d sit on the phone and talk into the depths of the night, or text as if no time had passed.  

That’s what scared him.  

What if the change was something more physical that Sanji was insecure about? What if, instead of dying, he had no arms? Or… no legs! That’s ridiculous, he thought, being an aspiring cook detailed a lot of hand work, so he made sure to keep his hands out of danger. So, if he didn’t not have arms or legs … maybe he shaved his head, or did something more permanent. A few tattoos wouldn’t scare him away, or even a lot of tattoos. The thought of his friend with tattoos wasn’t bad actually. As Usopp turned onto his side, trying to sleep, he couldn’t keep that image out of his head. The man who swore he’d quit cigarettes, shirtless with different inking's littering his body- And he sat up. Maybe he should do a pull up.  

It was weird to think of Sanji shirtless! I mean, who did that? Not him. Okay well, occasionally him. It was normal to figure out how time had treated the blonde and how different he would be now. It was normal to imagine how his skin would feel underneath his own hand, tracing small circles against his arm. How soft he was… would he stay that soft? Or has he spent so much time in the sun his skin has turned tougher, like leather. Maybe he did have a few tattoos, something small. Something meaningful in a place he could show off and hide just as easily. Red, it had to be red. If Vinsmoke got anything it needed to be small and with hints of red to contrast his pale skin.  

Usopp had done about twenty pull ups at his door before his roommate had walked out of his room- huh? Zoro had come out of Luffy’s room with a different outfit than what his roommate had seen him go to sleep in. Oddly, they had been becoming so close over the last month and a half. It was strange how they’d exchange glances or longing stares. Was longing even the right word for the types of looks they’d give each other? It was more intimate than that, if that was even a thing that could be considered intimate. Romantic, if he thought too much about it.  

Zoro hadn’t noticed him yet, his back turned to his roommate who was hanging off the pull-up bar in his doorway. He was walking around as if he could trigger a landmine at any moment, making sure each step was quieter than the last to his room. Now that was strange. The guy had never cared about being loud until it was sneaking from Luffy’s room to his own. He never cared until Usopp noticed the strangest looking mark on hi… oh. Slowly, he looked away and began to pull himself back up on the bar. It wasn’t his business anyway, no matter how much the little voice in his head told him to pry. It wasn’t like he wanted to be in on the loop if his roommates were dating each other. Not like he wanted to be the first to know, or anything.  

Was he wrong for feeling bitter? They never owed him anything, but he had assumed all of them were close. He always let Luffy use his fancy coffee maker and Zoro his DVD collection. And Usopp was the one who even suggested the three of them room together, over using the dormitories. They had been in the same English class, in need of roommates. It was a shot in the dark but it paid off. At least, he had assumed. Now, was it even worth it to ask what was up? Would a, “hey I know you guys are boinging but I wanted to know first so I could’ve made you a celebratory sodomy cake” be too weird? 

The student’s thoughts were interrupted by the fifth pull-up when Zoro opened his door, jumping at the sight of him, “How… long have you been there?” His eyes were wide, staring like he had seen a ghost. Usopp blinked a few times and pulled himself higher on the bar, before slowly letting go and jumping onto the floor. He could be honest and tell the truth; say he saw the mark and the fact they were being sneaky. There wasn’t any point in lying when they were both standing and staring at each other. His roommate's face was riddled with sleep, deep in his dark features as they exchanged looks. It would have been more awkward to say nothing, right?  

He went to speak, putting his hand on his own neck, which caused Roronoa to pull at the collar of his shirt. Over the mark. Just that movement alone had spoken more words than he had intended to, speaking volumes. It said, ‘I know you guys have been sneaking around and, yeah, I saw your neck thing’. It also said, ‘I wish you guys would’ve told me instead of hiding.’ Maybe the moss saw it on the others face, from how he frowned with anxiety, or how he darted his eyes to avoid the inevitable words to come.  

“So… You know, don’t you?” Zoro looked away before continuing, “I thought you’d be, I dunno, upset.” Upset? How could he be upset if his friends were happy? Usopp was more upset over the fact he wasn’t told, but it was neither here nor there. He had things to do that day and someone more important was coming, in all honesty. So, not that it didn’t matter. But he wasn’t going to ruin his day with a soured mood. Instead, he was going to take it in stride. Which was harder for him, but for Sanji he would.  

Usopp pressed his lips together and let his shoulders shrug loosely, “Zoro, you know I’d never be upset with you for something like that. I’m just glad you’re happy.” And he meant it. Even if he wasn’t told before, he knew now. That’s all that mattered, he supposed.  

The two heard a bit of shuffling behind the green-haired one as Nami appeared, looking as if she had just woken up from the sounds of their voices. She rubbed the side of her head with a gentle palm, her ginger hair pulled back into a messy bun, “Why the hell are you guys being so loud for 10 AM?” It was 10? How long had he been doing pull-ups? He must’ve miscounted… He swore he had done just 20… 

“Usopp knows me and Luffy are…” He trailed off, which elicited an offended gasp from his roommate. 

“Oh, you told Nami but not me?” Usopp frowned and pointed a finger at him, “I live with you! All she does is leech off our takeout orders!” He wasn’t wrong, she only did come over when Zoro and Luffy were in the city for food. Or when he needed emotional support 

“So mature Mr-I’m-having-my-old-situationship-sleep-in-my-bed-after-three-years!” She retorted, “He told me because I keep my mouth shut.”  

His eyes widened, “I shut my mouth!” He does not.  

Zoro narrowed his eyes, forming a tight smile, “Remember the pineapple?” 

“Yeah, pineapple!” Nami shouted to which Luffy’s door opened and he groggily peaked out, mumbling, “Hmhmgm pine…apple?” His boyfriend beckoned the sleepy student over with one arm and let out a breath as the other slumped into his side, clearly also just waking up.  

“Don’t bring the pineapple into this,” Usopp spoke, pressing his teeth together and restraining his jaw from making them grind together. 

“You did talk for the pineapple,” Luffy mumbled, pressing his face into Zoro’s pectoral, causing his other roommate to roll his eyes.  

“I had to tell the aut- you know what I’m not arguing with you guys,” he placed his hands on either of his hips, letting his foot tap against the wood as he debated what to say. Well, today was the day. His roommates knew vaguely who Sanji was, whereas Nami had had classes with him for several years. They knew he was blonde and liked to cook and, well, that was about it. There weren’t enough words in the human language, across all languages, to describe how truly amazing he was. How utterly fantastic he was to be around, how his company was unlike anyone else's he’s ever been in. So, he instead wanted them to get to know him themselves, rather than have some expectation of him built up.  

- 

“He said he’s at terminal B, with his luggage,” Usopp said as the group headed down the airport, looking for his old friend. Luffy and Zoro had been told to look out for a relatively tall, lanky man, with blonde hair covering his left eye. Simple enough, he supposed.  

Except for the sea of people he was searching through, he couldn’t find him. Where was the man he had been waiting for, for three years to see? He was searching through the crowds, hoping to stop and make eye contact with the person he had been, well, yearning for. Yearning was a very… Well, it wasn’t the word he was looking for but it was the closest one he had! Yearning without the homosexual undertones that he didn’t have because he wasn’t gay.  

“I think we passed term B,” Luffy chimed in, walking on his roommates left.  

The man turned his head, letting his curly hair fall behind him [that he had styled back into a ponytail for this occasion], as he gaped, “What do you mean we passed it!? Sanji’s probably waiting for us!” With that he stopped and turned on his heel, pulling his small cell phone from his jacket pocket to see if there were any new messages. Of course, it had been two minutes since he sent his message so there wasn’t a new notification.  

“I think he’ll be fine waiting,” Zoro gruffed, opting to stay behind the two eager ones with Nami, who enjoyed taking her time as well. It wasn’t a big deal to them if they got to Sanji right as his plane landed, but it was a big deal to the other two. Although Luffy was more so there for the ride. 

Usopp craned his neck to send a glare his roommate's way, “We are not making him wait any longer!”  

“I think an extra few minutes wouldn’t hurt,” Nami attempted to interject but she was slowly stopped by the vicious look that her friend hurled her way. He was so serious, more serious than she had ever seen him in his life.  

“It’s just rude to make people wait when they land from flights. He’s probably jetlagged! It’s really the principle of it,” and he continued on.  

He didn’t want to keep his friend waiting after so long. I mean, a flight that long surely had to have him worn out. Usopp knew all the blonde wanted to do was curl up and sleep, preferably with him. I mean, in the same bed. They always used to nap together in their high school years. It wouldn’t be too weird if they shared a bed again, so napping together shouldn’t be weird either. He just wanted to lie there, feeling his friend's body warmth beside him. Skin brushing against skin as the brunette let his hands trail to Sanji’s hair, lightly running his fingers through it. Combing through the strands.  

As he spoke, he didn’t notice a woman approaching him from behind. She was taller, looming over him with heels adorning her feet. Long blonde hair that was pulled back at the bangs to show two pairs of shining blue eyes. Nami was the first to spot her and when she did her eyes widened just a bit with understanding, before she smiled. Zoro and Luffy didn’t realize, ignoring her to focus on Usopp’s intelligible ranting about proper airline etiquette.  

“Um, excuse me?” The woman asked, lightly tapping Usopp’s shoulder. It brought him out of his words and made him turn his head. They looked at each other and there was an air of familiarity there. Something was different, but something was earnestly familiar. She looked like home, like someone he had waited for all his life finally back to him.  

“Can I help you?” Usopp ended up asking, although he had more questions than that. Who was she? She looked like someone he had known, but that face was long forgotten. This face was the face he had pictured when thinking about his friend, the original image lost to the depths of his mind. It couldn’t be … but it wouldn’t… could it?  He just stared, trying to piece together a growing puzzle before him. All the while her eyes were growing glassy.  

“Do I know you?” He asked, staring at her with narrowed eyes and a hollow expression. She felt so far away from him. Almost as if she was across the terminal and he had to run to see her, to feel her.  

“I’d hope so,” and there was the laugh. The laugh he knew so well.  

Had it just been three years? And was this the change? Only this?  

Why would this make him hate … her?  

It made so much sense now. All those longing glances to women, or their dresses, or the constant twirling of strands of hair between her fingers. The magazines he found underneath her bed, the lipstick she swore was her mothers. The lipstick he always wondered about. How it would look on her, contrasting her skin. She wasn’t the same person, no, she was herself now. Sanji was herself and Usopp couldn’t help but feel incredibly at ease seeing her, with grown out hair and mascara on her long lashes.  

“Usopp?” Sanji murmured, placing her palm against her forehead in disbelief. He nodded slowly, then again, and again until he forced himself into her arms. She wrapped her arms around him as he did for her, bracing her to his chest. She smelt like oranges and other sweet fruits, something homely. It wasn’t the smell he was used to, the one he remembered, but it was something he never wanted to end. His hands entangled in her hair, the strands he had been fantasizing about for days. He missed it, he missed the soft way it felt against his fingers.  

And he missed her. Her. Not anyone else. Not Sanji before, but Sanji now. Whoever he knew before was gone and he was so utterly glad. “You’re real…” He breathed out, pressing his face into her neck, “You’re so real…” The blonde let out a gasp and he could tell she was crying. Was he crying too? Maybe just a bit. Usopp didn’t think about the others watching them, and he didn’t care to remember them. All he wanted to focus on was her. How she felt in his arms and how he never wanted to let go. I mean, friends felt like this right? A protective urge to make sure she would never leave no matter what. She would never leave him. 

-

His roommates insisted on leaving the two of them in the airport cafe to catch up, wanting to look at the souvenirs instead. Although, Usopp wasn’t sure how interesting souvenirs from their home town would be. I mean, how many plush bears could they buy with their state abbreviation on them before it got boring? Either way, he wasn’t focused on that.  

He couldn’t help but stare at her. The way she stood as she ordered coffee for the both of them. She knew exactly what he wanted without having to ask, effortlessly laughing as the barista made small talk with her. Sanji’s lips shone in the pale light, a pretty pink painting them in a way he had never seen before. It was glossy and a bit sparkly too if he looked up closely. Pink was a pretty color, but he wanted to know what that lipstick from their childhood would have looked like. That dark red with hints of berry undertones against her pale skin tone.  

She insisted on waiting for the coffees while he found them a place to sit. Usopp didn’t mind, finding a nice seat by the window that looked out onto the rest of the airport. He sat down and found himself looking out the window for about a minute or so, before his attention drew back to her. Her hair had gotten so long, and it was pushed out of her face now. He remembered when they were younger and the blonde had insisted her hair should cover a bit of her face. He was so glad she had a clip pushing her hair back to show her eyes. Were they always that blue? Was there a chance her eyes had gotten bluer over the years? And that smile, it never changed. Maybe it was brighter now, more authentic. Prettier. Yeah, prettier. It suited her.  

As he watched her, he couldn’t help but notice the barista giving her a certain look. I mean, he knew she was attractive but that was a bit much. The way he almost outwardly flirted with her in an airport of all places made him frown. Okay we get it, he wanted to scoff, looking away to the window with a hand propping his head up. But then Usopp froze. Why was he feeling so … would jealous be the right word? No, protective? No, no. It felt almost like disgust, a visceral reaction to anyone hitting on her. Anyone getting near her… Anyone touching her- Oh god. This was new. He had never experienced this before. In fact, everything she did was making him feel so strange.  

He tried to swallow them as Sanji sat down across from him, two cups of coffee in her hands. She set one down in front of him and the other beside her, smiling nervously, “It was your old order in high school. I don’t know if you still like that stuff…” There was a weird feeling building in Usopp’s throat as she looked away. Everything she did was making him feel just that, weird. The way she pressed her glossed lips together, or how her eyelashes brushed against her cheek. Sure, she was pretty and he could acknowledge that, but she was starting to make him feel itchy in his skin.  

After he didn’t respond for a minute they made eye contact, and he remembered he had to speak, “Oh, uh, I like it. I haven’t had,” he turned the cup over to look at the order sprawled on the side, but his breath caught in his throat. Usopp didn’t realize she remembered every aspect of his order, down to the milk and pumps of syrup. He had assumed she knew the general order of a matcha latte, but he didn’t know she remembered it… all.  

“You remembered,” the brunette whispered instead, not bothering to finish off his sentence.  

Sanji’s eyes met his and she looked away in apparent embarrassment, a pink blush rising on her cheeks and forming down the bridge of her soft nose, “How could I not remember!” She laughed stiffly, “You used to order it all the time after school!”  

“It’s been three years. I didn’t even remember,” Usopp let himself smile, but he was soon overtaken by that weird uncomfortable feeling again. It settled in his stomach and made his smile falter for a moment. The feeling was different than anything he had felt toward his best friend before, causing him to come to a conclusion: He must be misogynistic.  

. 

.. 

… 

I’m misogynistic!? 

The wheels began to turn in his head, clicking as the gears grinded. It made so much sense. He had no issues with Sanji before but now he had issues. The only thing that was different was her gender, so he must have started hating women sometime after she left him. I mean, he always felt weird around Nami and the women he had crushes on, so it made sense that he secretly hated women without knowing he hated women. All the true misogynists were so misogynistic they didn’t even know it, being so deep into their anti-woman rhetoric, you see.  

It made sense. Every movement she made was making his skin burst aflame, as if he’d stop breathing if she kept looking at him like that. So now that he knew he hated women, what was he going to do!? I mean, she was going to be sleeping in his bed for a week! Well, until her dorm was ready for her to move into. It could be a week, or it could be well over a month. Not like he was complaining- oh but he was complaining! He was going to have to share a bed with a woman, the thing he just realized he hated! 

“Usopp?” Sanji’s voice broke through his thoughts, making him blink to remember where he was again. It was silly, he tried to calm himself. Maybe he wasn’t misogynistic but instead nervous to see her after so long! “Did you hear me?” She tilted her head, resting her chin on an open palm. The movement made his stomach do a flip, and he was back to the misogynistic drawing board.  

“Uh, repeat it for me again?” Usopp trailed off, smiling awkwardly.  

She nodded and continued a bit sheepishly, “I’ve been thinking about you for three years. So, I haven’t really forgotten…” The blonde’s finger traced small circles around her cup, not daring to drink it yet. Her eyes were on him, before she spoke again, “I really wanted to contact you, but I felt too scared that you’d-” But she was cut off by a signature awkward laugh from Usopp.   

“Haha! You! Scared? Me? Hah! I’m… bathroom now!” And he got up, darting from the coffee shop around the corner.  

God! How stupid was he! Of course, he’d have a misogynistic revelation right as he reunited with his best friend, totally ruining the moment. I mean, he could swallow it and hope that this wasn’t misogyny but instead pent-up anxiety coming out in the form of women hating, well, hatred. He should swallow it. The worst-case scenario was he could sleep on the couch and hope it would pass as the week went on. Yeah. It would pass. It would pass and he would be able to enjoy his best friend's company without all of these feelings floating around inside his head. Feelings if she got too close to that barista again, if she looked at him through her long eyelashes, or if she smiled. The smile he loved, the smile he still adored, was being tainted with his own women hating feelings now, wasn’t it?  

They got back to his apartment soon after that. Usopp tried his hardest to ignore his very weird outburst and make her comfortable, regaling her with a story about a play he had the honor of being a tree for back in his first year of college. He was able to swallow his hatred for a bit, focusing on anything else but her. Sitting on the couch, he opted to put Luffy in between them. He didn’t need Nami near him either. Two women was something he wasn’t ready to battle yet.  

Sanji got along with his roommates great, better than he could have ever expected. She offered to cook, although she didn’t have to. She practically insisted, begging them to let her try out a new recipe with whatever she could find in their cabinets [which would not be a lot]. As she cooked, she glided with ease across their small kitchen, going back and forth from boiling the rice to cutting the vegetables on a plate [since they didn’t own cutting boards]. The woman looked ethereal, making Usopp look away instantly when she caught him staring. Why was he staring so long? Was it the hatred of women seeping back out making him ultra focused on her movements so he could promptly feel disgusted afterwards? That had to be it!  

“Usopp,” she called, breaking him from his thoughts again. He turned on his heel and watched her smile form, “Could you tie my hair back?” She nodded down to her hands which were busy with raw chicken, doing whatever it was she had to do with that stuff. Usopp wasn’t big on cooking, so truthfully, he had no idea.  

Touch her. Touch her hair. Well, he had done it earlier when he was overcome with joy from seeing her. So, he could do this! He could do this! The student smiled tightly and followed her command, falling into a step to stand behind her. His hands ran through her strands as he had imagined doing so for days. Soft. It was so soft. When they initially met, he didn’t get the chance to truly soak in how soft her hair was. Usopp took a spare hair tie from his wrist and gathered her blonde strands by the base of her head, bringing it up into a soft bun. Something that he figured would suit her. Yeah. It was pretty.  

It was so pretty, as Sanji looked over her shoulder to thank him, a few hairs falling out of place from behind her ear. Without thinking, the man reached out and tucked them back behind her ear, taking his time dragging his fingers down her earlobe. As he realized what he had done, especially seeing her facial expression, he pulled away. Her lips had parted, as if she was about to speak, and her crystal blue eyes were widened. Why would he do that? Why would he go ahead and do that without thinking!? Stupid, stupid, stupid Usopp! He pressed his lips together and took a step back, wanting to apologize but he … couldn’t. He would have never done that to a man, so why did he do that to her? Did his women hating ideologies also mean he had to push their hair behind their ears and caress their earlobes, too!? 

“Usopp,” Sanji began but she was cut off with a nervous noise escaping his lips, followed by a, “HOLD ON!” The man turned away and made a b-line to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. His back pressed against the door, forcing it shut away from the world. No one else saw that, right? No one else should have. It was weird, God, he was so weird, wasn’t he? Of course, he was. No rational person would be misogynistic and no rational person would take it out on the one person he had been so excited to see for weeks. He was being such a bad friend, wasn’t he? Being so weird and thinking these things, and feeling these kinds of ways.  

Usopp turned the lock on his door and stumbled away to his desk. If he couldn’t come up with answers on his own, as to why he was feeling this way, maybe the internet could help him. It was a long shot, as he was never very good at the internet, but he could try. There was anything and everything on those forums he had heard so much about, there had to be something on misogyny, right?  

So, as he logged into Bing, waiting for his computer to load, he thought about what to search. He could go to Wikihow, and figure out how to tell if you’re truly misogynistic or just weird. Or… worst case scenario, both. Maybe he could go to this website he had heard about called Buzzfeed. Take a few quizzes and hope for the best, he supposed.  

The first quiz he found was titled, “Are you misogynistic?” It was straightforward and to the point, which was what he needed. The first few questions weren’t too weird, like do you have women friends and should women have the right to vote, all things he said yes to. Then it got a bit strange.  

“Do you think men are the superior gender…?” He read aloud, squinting a bit at the screen. Wasn’t that what misogyny was about? And if he was feeling uncomfortable around women, he was bound to think that too, right? So, he decided to click yes, moving onto the next question.  

The rest of the questions had that same kind of air to them, all about how men were superior and women being less than. Each question he chose the yes answer to, as he thought that’s what he felt. Clearly, though, as the audience we know better than that. When the answer screen came up, Usopp felt his world shatter. It said he had a probability of 85% being misogynistic, with the other 15% being inconclusive as to if he was or not. So, he was then. That was all the evidence needed. I mean, the internet was always right, right? Especially Buzzfeed, or whatever website he was on at the moment.  

He went to click out of the tab, but the man heard a knock on his door. He grabbed his laptop and slammed the top closed as the door opened, his best friend’s head peering through the door to look at him. Alone, sitting in the dark, panting a bit, was what she saw of him. Well, it was better than if she had seen the tab opened on his screen, right?  

“Are you okay? Dinners done, I brought you a plate if you didn’t want to eat with everyone,” Sanji spoke softly, as she always did. She was quiet as she entered, closing the door behind herself with her hip and lightly turning on a light. How was she always so kind to him, even if he was such a complete weirdo to her? Even in high school she offered him a kind ear and a plate full of food, even when he didn’t deserve it. He never deserved it. He never deserved her kindness, especially with this new revelation about his personal beliefs.  

“I’m okay,” Usopp smiled at her, reaching out for the plate as she handed it to him. Chicken fried rice, and it looked amazing. He hadn’t realized he was hungry until he smelt it, setting it on top of his closed laptop. His bed was in the center of the room, he noted as she sat down on the edge, just on the floor. The student had never thought to splurge on the fancy stuff like a box spring or a headboard. Sleeping practically on the floor was good enough for him, he supposed.  

“Zoro was telling me about a girl you liked last year. He said she was ugly,” she said suddenly, an air of teasing to her voice as she looked over at him, “I didn’t know you had piss poor taste in women.”  

He turned his head to his best friend, scrunching his face in disapproval, “He always brings her up. She was very pretty.” 

“Was?” She raised an eyebrow.  

“Is,” a frown pulled on his lips, “She’s pretty. Just into blood sacrificing stuff.” He shrugged, waving a hand in the air before continuing, “I think all my exes are pretty.” Exes. Usopp couldn’t believe he could even say he had exes. In high school he had always dreamed of being able to say he dated women, and now he could. It was kind of hollow, showing him, he couldn’t hold down a relationship even if he tried. Three ex-girlfriends, all a copy pasta of each other. Was that misogyny, too? Dating women who looked the same? 

“How many exes have you had?” Sanji asked curiously, “I’ve only had maybe … five,” she said, as though it wasn’t a large number. As if it could be larger. That was Sanji for him, always thinking there could be more when it came to romance. More women, more men, or stuff like that.  

“Oh wow, I’ve just had three. I think we went to high school with almost all of them,” and he listed their names, ticking them off with his fingers. Sanji’s eyes hardened as she watched him, her brow slightly furrowing as he continued on, detailing when they dated and when they broke up. “They all wanted me after I, you know, got more fit.” He motioned to his person a bit stiffly, trying to laugh under her intense gaze. Had he said something wrong? Was it weird to talk about exes with your old friend? 

“They’re all blonde,” Sanji murmured after a moment, her lips barely ghosting one another as she spoke. They looked so full in the dull light of his room, glittering from the angle he was at. For a split second, Usopp wondered how they would feel underneath his fingers. Just trailing his thumb across her bottom lip before letting go and pushing away. How would the skin on her face feel under his palm, as he cupped her face. How would she react if he nuzzled his nose against her cheek and inhaled her citrus like scent?  

He hadn’t thought about the fact they were all blonde. I mean, they did kind of look the same. Usopp nodded, “I guess they are. Are your ex's blonde, too?” He raised his eyebrows, still not quite understanding why her gaze was so intense.  

“No,” she breathed out, “Brunette. I like brunettes better.” Usopp’s stomach turned into a knot, panging deep in his body as she spoke. Why did that make him feel so incredibly nauseous? Was just hearing about her type triggering his misogyny!?  

He blinked a few times and pressed his lips together to attempt to form a line, but it was breaking into an awkward smile, “You know I’m tired. I think I’m gonna sleep,” the student stood and motioned to the bed, “You don’t have to go to sleep now if you don’t want.” He just needed and out of these feelings building in his chest, and if it meant sleeping a bit early, he’d do it. I mean, he could always see his roommates tomorrow. And knowing Nami, she’d be staying for as long as she wanted if it involved free food.  

Sanji stood as well, nodding her head slowly, “I’ll get ready.” That was all she said before she exited the room and left the man alone with his thoughts. Well great, he was going to have to sleep in the same bed with the gender he just found out he hated. He had hoped she was going to stay up with his roommates so he would be asleep by the time she went to sleep. But he couldn’t get everything he had ever wanted, right? Instead of complaining, he pulled his shirt off and slid on some pajama pants, plopping down onto the side of the bed he always slept on the most, the right. He laid on his side and covered himself with a few blankets, trying to will himself to sleep before she got back.  

There was a fifteen-minute period where he was alone, where Usopp tried so desperately to sleep. When the door opened again, and he was still awake, he mentally groaned and turned on his back to see her. Sanji was wearing a tank top that framed her body and her new assets well- although he wasn’t staring! He wasn’t a pervert! No, he was a misogynist.  

Quickly, he glanced away and turned on his other side to face where she would be laying. She sat down onto the bed and shuffled onto the mattress, covering her side in a blanket and staring at him. Her face was bare from makeup, showing bits of freckles poking across her cheeks. Her eyelashes looked the same, and her lips did too. They were still pink, maybe stained from whatever product she had worn before. But soft, they looked so utterly soft. He really just wanted to reach out and touch her face, for a moment.  

“Hi,” Usopp whispered, blinking slowly at her.  

“Hey,” she replied, brushing one of her hands past her ear to push some hair from her face, “I missed this.”  

“Staring at each other?” He raised an eyebrow, to which she nodded.  

“Yeah. I like watching you sleep,” a smile pulled at Sanji’s lips as she looked away, “Did you watch me sleep?”  

Usopp looked away as well, trying his hardest to ignore his thoughts and those overwhelming feelings brewing in his throat, “I mean…”  

“Be honest,” she put a hand on his, that had been resting on the pillow before him. It was soft, sending electric waves through his body as she intertwined their fingers, “You’re going to make me sound creepy if you don’t answer, Usopp.” She was always soft, he thought, remembering their old sleepovers. She was soft and warm, and plush, and God, she always smelt good. He had to admit, he wouldn’t just watch her sleep. He’d bask in her everything until she woke and he’d pretend to be asleep.  

He hesitated, before nodding, “Yeah, I have.” Then it was quiet for a few beats before he spoke up again, “If I fall asleep first are you gonna watch me?” Her hand was so warm, almost lulling him into sleep. If only she was just beside him, pressed against his chest so he could bury his face in her hair… Usopp blinked a few more times, quicker than before as he tried to snap himself out of that thought process. God, that was creepy! Clearly, being misogynistic also meant he was bound to be creepy too.  

Sanji smiled, biting down on her bottom lip, “Maybe. Only if I really want to.”  

“If you want to?”  

“I want to lay next to you,” she spoke quietly, squeezing her hand that held his, “Like we did when we were younger.”  

For just one moment, he wanted to pretend nothing had changed. For one night, he wanted to act like they were back in high school, holding each other and talking about nothing until the sun rose. For one night, he wanted to press a kiss to her shoulder while she slept, knowing she was still coherent enough to remember it the next day. And for one night, he wanted to be the one to fall asleep last. He knew Sanji felt the same way. He knew all she wanted was to go back and pretend nothing had changed, that three years wasn’t three years but a day. That she never left but instead stayed, lived with him. Moved in with him at college. Cooked him food every day. Was his- his friend that is. 

But he had to realize that she chose to live her life away from him, instead of what could’ve been. She chose to leave and every day he had to come to terms with the fact that it never would happen. She would never live with him, cook for him, or stay by his side. Because instead of a day passing, as he so desperately wished, three years left.  

He was completely different now. 

“Okay,” Usopp finally said, letting go of her hand forcefully and patting the space between them, “C’mere,” he mumbled, letting a new wave of exhaustion take over his face. He closed his eyes and felt two slender arms wrap around his back and her face press against his chest. This wasn’t the position he had expected her to take, but he didn’t mind. He pulled her in and curled around her form, chin resting atop her head.  

For one night, they were going to pretend like no time had passed. Even if it was so apparent that it had.  

-

Usopp hated waking up that week. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own, being thrust out of his peaceful dreams into a misogynistic sweat. Every day, he awoke to see Sanji nestled beside him, snoring lightly. Her hair was splayed across her forehead and her hand was always interlocked with his. Fingers twitching from deep sleep. It was cute for a moment, before that panging anxiety filled him. And he was back to realizing that this wasn’t as he wanted. He was holding her but at what cost? Secretly, deep down, he hated her and her gender. Everything she stood for; his subconscious hated it.  

That’s what he told himself, at least. 

A week had passed and her dorm still wasn’t prepared for her to live. It didn’t matter to her, meaning she got to spend more time with her old best friend. That was all she seemingly wanted, and it pained him to feel these feelings. Every time he saw her, his heart caught in his throat and made the words he wished he could say barely come out. Every time they made eye contact, he forgot where he was and uttered nonsense to cover it up. And every time she touched him, held his hand, brushed her arm against his, he felt like he was burning from the inside out.  

That morning especially, he was on fire. His arm was on the pillow beside him, hooked around the blonde as she clung to it. As if it was just natural to touch him like that. Usopp had been awake for a bit before she stirred, just watching her. He watched as her breathing steadied and her eyes slowly fluttered open. It was anxiety inducing to hear her groan and turn to face him. Her eyes widened just a bit seeing him stare back at her quizzically. 

“Did I wake you?” She murmured, bringing her soft fingers to push blonde strands away from her face. Sanji looked like a dream, painted by the finest oil paints for Usopp to drink in. For a moment he forgot his misogynistic feelings, his anxiety, all of it. He was stuck watching her chapped lips and her tired, sunken eyes with awe. She was beautiful, in every sense of the word. No- she was more than beautiful. She was ethereal.  

“No, I’ve been up,” Usopp breathed out, bringing his right arm to wrap around her waist, resting his hand against her back. It was unconscious, pulling her in and relaxing at her laugh. For a moment he forgot why he was so anxious to be around her. He forgot his anxieties and instead focused on her warmth, radiating off of her body onto his. 

“I had a dream about you,” her voice was quiet, whispering against his skin. 

“Hm? What was it about?” Usopp asked, looking down at his friend.  

“I cooked you eggs and then you exploded. Oh, because it was so good, you know,” Sanji laughed as he looked away to her shoulder, letting his thumb rub small circles into her back. It was quiet as they fell into a nice silence, that she broke after a few seconds,  “Usopp?” The brunette looked down at his friend, “Do you want to do something today?” At that, he glanced away. He never said no to her, at least he tried not to. And hanging out with her was always fun … in a group setting. The truth of the matter was he had been avoiding one on one interactions, even cutting their late-night talks short by feigning sleep.   

“Yeah, I think Luffy’s probably available- oh and Nami. I think Zoro’s working…” Usopp shifted onto his back, as he thought aloud, adjusting his arms to keep his left around her, while the other stretched out to the ceiling, “We could go to the mall. They have a Macys with, you know,” he glanced at her, “Clothes.” 

Sanij sat up, pressing her palm to her brow bone as she stretched her body away from her friend. She always opted to wear loose fitted tank tops when she slept, which Usopp always tried not to stare at. Being a new misogynist, he realized that creepiness was a part of it too. He tried to push away as much as possible. Yet, every time he saw her exposed skin, he couldn’t help but feel sick. A sickness that called to him, begging him to touch her skin. Just feel it beneath his fingers and wonder why it was so warm. 

“What if,” she looked back at him with her voice tight from her ongoing stretch, “We went alone?” Her hand slipped into her blonde hair, fingers entangling by the root. Slowly, she combed down to her long ends, repeating the motion methodically as she waited for an answer. Usopp never wanted to deny her anything her heart desired, truly, but this was going to kill him. If he was alone with her for more than a few minutes, he was fine. But a few hours? The entire day? Oh, he was going to have to plan his funeral now! 

The man looked away, pressing his lips together, “Yeah,” a croak escaped his lips as he sat himself up, “Yeah, let’s do it.” He gave her a tight smile, something he hoped she wouldn’t read into. Something he hoped she wouldn’t try to ask about later.  

Sanji gave him a small look, but it melted away into a smile, “I can make us breakfast.”  

The brunette shook his head, “Nooo, you’ve been making breakfast everydayyyy.” Not that he didn’t love her cooking, but he didn’t want her to overwork herself, cooking every meal for him. Instead, he pulled his phone out and handed it to her, on a Food Delivery app, “Get Chinese.”  

Sanji took his phone and tilted her head, “What about Indian?” She asked, scrolling through the app and pressing the tile for Chinese restaurants in their area anyway. 

“I had that, like, two weeks ago,” Usopp peered over to the phone to watch as she inputted her order, “And I’ve been craving Chinese for, like, two weeks.”  

The blonde looked at him, narrowing her eyes, “What happened two weeks ago?” Well, two weeks ago she contacted him. And two weeks ago, Zoro had promised Chinese food, only to bring home Indian food. Which was delicious, but not at all what he had been craving.  

“Zoro lied to me,” a laugh came from his lips before he could help it, “I think he had an accident at birth that made him, you know, directionally challenged,” Usopp spoke, waving his hand with a slightly limp wrist to convey his point.  

“Oh, he was a preemie?” Sanji handed him his phone, which he saw also had his order on it too. She had remembered it.  

The thought pulled at his heart and caused a wave of nausea, as he replied, “No he was born.” 

She stared at him for a moment, silently figuring out what it meant. Until it clicked and she laughed, leaning back on the bed and putting a hand over the top of her collarbone, “Oh! He was the accident!” 

Sanji’s laugh was incredible. He couldn’t help but stare as she smiled, letting out tumbling breaths of laughter. Strands of blonde hair fell into her face as she leaned forward and brushed her index finger at the corner of her eye, stopping the incoming tears from her joy. It wasn’t even that funny of a joke, let alone Usopp’s funniest joke. But she found it funny. In some way, she found it funny and it did something to him. It pulled his stomach down and then up, stretching it thin in his body as he watched her.  

Oh, he was going to be sick.  

Usopp stood up and made his way to the door as she steadied her breathing, giggling and repeating the joke occasionally to herself.  

“I’m gonna get ready,” he called out, forcing his own body to move as he went into the bathroom and locked himself inside. His brown eyes stared back from across the sink as he hunched over the porcelain. This wasn’t normal. This couldn’t be normal misogyny. Misogyny was a hatred for women, not the gender making you sick! I mean, unless he had unlocked some kind of rare form of true misogyny. Unless he was the ultimate misogynist who felt so much hatred it manifested into sickness.  

His hands gripped the edge of the sink as his breathing came to him in shallow bursts. Never before had he felt like utter garbage, especially because of her. Because she was doing nothing more than laughing, God he was a prick. He had to call someone, tell someone. Ask for help. Pray for help and hope they could save him from this level of pure evil. 

Shakily, the man pulled his phone from his pocket. Who could he call? Nami was probably asleep somewhere in the apartment, Luffy was at the gym at this time, and Zoro was at work. Calling Nami was the obvious answer, but she didn’t answer the phone. He didn’t want to tempt fate and call her multiple times in fear of sparking her rage. Luffy was the next answer, but he wasn’t very good at keeping secrets or truly understanding human emotions. He was a good friend, but not good with feelings. 

So, Zoro was his last resort. He called, and called, until the moss answered exacerbated, “Long-nose you better be dying,” he gritted out through apparent clenched teeth, on the other line. Okay, so that might have been a mistake, the brunette thought as he awkwardly stared back at himself. He couldn’t recognize the disheveled man before him, who looked like he had seen a ghost. 

“Zoro-” Usopp tried quietly, but he was interrupted with a rant.  

“What is so important you had to call me ten times!?” Okay so this was definitely a mistake.  

“Zoro let me-” Cut off again.  

“You’re so lucky I was outside taking out the trash-” Zoro spat as he was cut off by a loud, “I’M MISOGYNISTIC!” 

It went silent on that end; however, he could hear shuffling come from outside. It sent a sinking pang of fear through Usopp’s stomach as he came to the realization Sanji must have heard him. 

The image of her crumbling because of his words- no, his beliefs- it was making him sick. If she cried because of his words, fell apart and sobbed, he would hate himself. He would hate every fiber of his own being if he was the reason she spoke low of herself, or even thought lowly of herself. He never wanted her to hurt, let alone from his stupid actions.  

“Usopp did you say something?” He heard her voice suddenly through the door, knocking gently on the white wood. A wave of relief flooded his features as he realized, no, she didn’t hear him. She probably heard a commotion and went to check on him, because of course she would. Because she was kind. 

The male released a breath and closed his eyes, deflating back against the sink, “No, Sanji,” he called back, placing the phone to his ear to hear more silence, “Zoro…?”  

There wasn’t a response for a bit, until he heard a small groan, “I’ll have Luffy take Sanji out when I get home. So, me, you, and Nami can understand what the hell you mean by misogynistic.” And the line clicked on the other end, leaving him to stare back at himself.  

-

The two drove in silence to the mall, with some soft music playing from the radio. It was a song Usopp didn’t quite catch the name of but Sanji enjoyed it, humming along quietly as she gazed out the window at the large city buildings. Living in the town over from his childhood home, he knew the area like the back of his hand. The roads were slightly congested, but as they delved away from the heart of the metropolis into the outskirts of town, it got smoother.  

“You know, there is something I want to buy,” Usopp began, signaling to change lanes to the right turn lane, craning his neck over to check it was empty. The car ride was comfortable, especially since he knew he would be able to finally get this weight off of his chest. Get this dark secret off and tell someone without consequence. Well, not that many consequences anyway. 

“What are you gonna buy?” Sanji glanced over at him. She had brought her makeup, setting up a small station on the floor beside the full length mirror her best friend had. She could do it in a few minutes, as if it was perfect. And it was perfect. The wing of her eyeliner brown and subtle, with a few coats of mascara, a bit of concealer, and blotted pink lipstick. All of which Usopp had no idea were things until she explained it to him as she went, earlier. 

He looked at her and smiled, “Surprise.” When they were teenagers, he found a bottle of lipstick in Sanji’s room. She swore it was her mothers, as he investigated the tube. It was a dark shade of red forever burned into his cranium, down to the brand and shade name. He had thought about it every night for weeks after he found it, wondering what it would’ve looked like on her mouth. How it would accentuate the fullness of her bottom lip and her pronounced cupid's bow.  

“Oh, come on, give me a hint,” she frowned, lightly pushing his shoulder.  

Usopp laughed, as they pulled into the mall parking lot, not budging, “Nope. I’ll buy it and you can see it afterward,” a promise fell from his lips as he found a parking spot. It was somewhat by the entrance, showing off the old architecture of a mall that was stuck in the decade prior. But it was comforting, it reminded him of his childhood. This was the mall he always went to growing up, especially with her.  

They got out of the car and walked to the entrance, which he made sure to hold the door open for her. She simply shook her head with a smile, trying not to let it take over her face. It hadn’t changed in about ten years since he started coming there when he was about thirteen, everything stuck in a haze of the nineties. It was nice, especially since he saw Sanji’s face begin to light up as she was filled with a sense of familiarity. She slowed her steps and took it in, gazing with wide eyes at the place before her.  

“Do you remember when we went to the Blockbuster and you tried to rent the R-rated movie?” Usopp asked after the silence was stifling, nudging her shoulder with his own, “Kate Winslet had you in a choke hold.” This was easy. If he didn’t think about it, if he forced himself to swallow his anxiety, it was easy. She was … comfortable. She was home. 

“It was pg-13,” she breathed out, slowly turning her face to look at him, “Where’s the Macy’s?” Sanji’s cheeks were a light pink, different from earlier. She hadn’t applied blush in her makeup routine, unless the cold was starting to nip at her skin.  

Usopp led her to Macy's, breaking off from her as she went to look at clothes. He promised he’d return after he found the bathroom, which was a total lie. Instead, he found himself in the makeup section. It was memorized deep in his skull the name, which shocked the woman at the counter when he said, “I need to find MAC Cosmetics Lipstick in Spice It Up.” She hesitated for a moment and then nodded, pointing him to a row of lipsticks all without the tubes so he could pick the color.  

Instantly, it caught his eye. The color hadn’t changed much over the years, although he remembered it looking a bit more vibrant than the slightly dull maroon he came face to face with. The tube was black, as they all were. But it was hers. It was the deep red he had remembered yearning to see contrast against her pale skin, like drops of blood against white snow. He remembered rolling the tube in his hand and imagining how she would apply it, how she would press her lips together and how it would … look. Usopp picked up the box where the lipstick laid in, paying for it almost instantly. The money didn’t matter, the only thing he could focus on was the fact he was going to see her wear it.  

Usopp found Sanji looking at green blouses a few sections over, running her hands over the fabric and feeling it between her fingers. She studied the material with a keen eye, trying to find the best match for her. It would look amazing, he knew it. He approached her, clearing his throat to gather her attention. The blonde looked over at him and he raised the bag that said “Mac Cosmetics” awkwardly, with a small smile.  

Her eyes widened at the sight, “Usopp… What did you get?”  

“A surprise,” his grin widened as he reached into the small bag, pulling out the tube he had unboxed a few minutes prior, “An old surprise.” He waved it a bit then handed it over to her, where their hands overlapped. Sanji held onto his hand for a few silent moments, staring at her hand over his. Her eyes were glassy, fogged over with a hint of nostalgia creeping into her features. She knew. Of course, she knew exactly what it was even from the tube alone.  

“You remembered?” She looked up at him, pulling her hand away and popping the cap off the lipstick. She twisted the container and out came the color. He was right, it was perfect for her. Her hand entangled into her hair, pressing against her scalp, “I didn’t think you’d even remember the color. I didn’t even…” It was a look of disbelief as she lightly tapped the top of her head a few times with her palm, trailing off from her thought.  

“Of course. C’mon, can I put it on you?” Usopp extended his hand, before he truly understood what he had just said. How could he even think that was a good idea? He wasn’t worthy to hold her face, cradle it in his hands, and gently press the stick to her mouth. He wasn’t worthy to be the one who applied it, even though he really wanted to. It wasn’t normal to want it this bad, it had to be the misogyny talking or something like that.  

He hesitated to speak again, but she nodded and handed it back to him, “Do it. But don’t get it all over me, long-nose,” a small fond smile pulled at her lips.  

“Oh, don’t tell me Zoro taught you that,” he frowned and twisted the tube back down a bit, so not as much product was extended. She laughed as a response and he stepped forward, breaking the distance and forcing himself into her personal space.  

Slowly, his left hand cupped her jaw, with his thumb coming to rest on the underside of her chin, tilting her face upwards. Sanji’s eyes darted from the ceiling to the brunettes, watching with stiff eyes as he brought the lipstick to her bottom lip. He had never applied a woman's makeup to their face before, but he knew you had to be gentle about it.  

Methodically, he pressed the tube of red onto her bottom lip, dragging the tip down from the center of her lip to the bottom, before curving it around the edge of her lip and dragging it to the corner of her mouth. He had seen this done in a movie once, many years ago. And Nami had applied lipstick around him loads of times. The student just needed to go into his mind and unlock those memories. 

The top part of her lips was an easy task, following the natural curvature of her upper cupid's bow and connecting it back to the corner. Delicately and carefully, he patted the product into the center of her mouth, continuing until it was darkened enough. He didn’t want it to be too much; It needed to be just right. As he applied it, Sanji’s eyes stared into his face. She stared with a new look of fondness he hadn’t even seen before, and when he asked her to press her lips together, she looked away quicker than she typically would. 

It was silent, as he watched her shyly pull out a compact mirror to admire the color, he knew she had wished she could’ve worn years prior. She looked ethereal if that was even the correct word to capture her otherworldly level of beauty. It brought out the deep crevices of her face and painted in her ways he never once thought about. She was an oil painting that he had slaved years and time away to create, until she was perfect. And she was perfect. She had always been just… perfect. 

“You did good,” Sanji closed her compact, bringing his thoughts back to reality, “For a beginner.” A smirk tugged at her painted lips and he felt a wave of nausea through his body. He tried to push it away, as she continued, “I never let myself wear it back then. I bought it and stared at it for hours but,” she exhaled, “I’ve never been brave enough to wear it.”  

“You look really good,” Usopp replied, before a heat rushed into his skin, burning it with a deep red, “I mean- Not that you typically don’t- You do- You always look good- I mean you know what I mean… right?” His voice trailed off with anxiety, as his eyes squeezed shut. 

His eyes didn’t stay shut for long, as a subtle hand on his upper arm made them flutter open. She was watching him with a wide-eyed expression, that same pink blush caressing her cheeks. In that light, she was prettier than she had ever been. She was glowing. She was an angel from Earth who had come to take him away. In that moment, he forgot everything he was supposed to worry about. His anxiety, that stupid misogyny, all of it. He forgot it and lived in her presence. He forgot it and lived like she was the only thing worth living for. In that split second of time, Usopp even forgot who he was as he stared back at her with a slightly agape mouth.  

“I know…” Sanji smiled at him, pulling his forearm with her as she began to walk toward the escalator. Like a limp rag-doll, Usopp let her drag him with ease. She had always been stronger than him, even if he had a different body all these years later. Maybe it was because he let her throw him around, because he didn’t have the heart to use his actual strength, let alone fight back. He watched her as she stepped onto the first step and began to drift upwards, waiting for him to follow.  

He always would. 

- 

They arrived upstairs, to the home goods section. It was dystopian to walk around in a department store with a girl he didn’t think he’d ever see again, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was silent as she led him, looking at the different furniture with a soft glance. He tried to focus on the chairs or the different couches, but his gaze went back to her. Every time, his eyes found their way back to her face, her hair, her red lips, all of it. As they stood by one couch, looking at it as she prattled on about how it would look good in Usopp’s living room, she slowly trailed off. Sanji’s expression shifted, as if she was holding back a smile. She pressed her lips together, biting down on her bottom lip tentatively. Her thoughts were clear on her face that she was debating something, mulling it over visibly.  

“Sanji…?” Usopp breathed out, looking at her and waiting for a response back to signal she was okay. The blonde looked at him, taking both of his deep hands with hers. She enveloped them with her warmth and pulled him in, both metaphorically and physically. There was no space between them as they watched each other.  

“Do you hear the song?” She asked, in a quiet tone. It was a song playing over the speakers that was barely audible to him at first. But then he heard it and slowly it captured his ears in a rhythmic tune. He had never heard it before, but clearly, she had, as she hummed along. “I love this song,” Sanji continued, beginning to sway slowly, “Will you…?” She looked between them, raising their entangled hands up to his eyeline.  

She wanted him to dance with her in the middle of a Macy’s. The thought made Usopp want to push away and laugh nervously, declaring he couldn’t embarrass himself like that. But the thought made him want to take her close and hum along too, even if he knew none of the lyrics. The thought made him want to hold her and sway, even if it was just to appease her for two minutes. Two minutes he was going to cherish for as long as humanly possible until it was all over and he was back to being riddled with anxiety. Anxiety that was so far away now, he could barely taste it.  

Usopp pulled her in, taking her left hand in his right and holding it out, while his left arm rested on the small of her back. Her head of blonde hair rested against his collarbone, letting his nose brush against the top of her hair. It smelt better than he realized, something fruity. She was a bundle of summer wrapped into a person's body. Like a ray of sunshine, embodied as a person.  

Sanji’s voice was soft against his ears, singing gently along to the song that was barely audible to him. All he could hear was his own heartbeat and that faint singing. The lyrics were barely visible on her tongue, but he cherished it. Her voice was above a whisper, as if she was soothing herself rather than trying to be known. Almost like she didn’t realize she was singing along.  

Then she squeezed his hand, trying to remind herself she was here with him. Like … she was reminding herself he was truly real. Like she wasn’t sure if this moment would fade and she would wake up alone in a room halfway around the world. Like this moment could disappear at any time and they’d both be left to mourn the shattered pieces. 

He realized he couldn’t let her go. As much as he knew they needed to break apart when the song was done, he physically couldn’t let go. His body wouldn’t let him. He’d keep her caged in his arms for as long as he could until she broke from it. Then he realized she wasn’t going to break away any time soon.  

Not at all. 

-

“Okay, so, let me get this straight: You’re a misogynist now?” Zoro’s voice rang into Usopp’s ears and brought him back to reality, where he was sitting on the floor with his back to the couch as his friends sat across from him. Luffy had been kind enough to make up a cooking excuse to get Sanji out of the house so they’d have at least an hour alone with the famed misogynist as he explained his entire thought process. 

Nami’s eyebrow quirked up as she leaned behind on one palm, “Is that why you’ve been acting weird? Did you discover 4chan or something?” She asked, turning her head to watch her friend. 

Just a few hours prior he had forgotten all about it. All the misogyny, all the nerves building up inside his body making him shake. But now it was all out in the open for his friends to dissect and pick through, making the man feel completely naked under their stare. He was baring himself to them with his struggle, a struggle he didn’t even know he had until Sanji appeared back into his life. This could be the answer to help him, to get rid of it once and for all. 

“Well, no,” he inhaled stiffly, “It’s about Sanji. She makes me feel so nauseous and gross, and it’s never been this bad before. So I went onto Buzzfeed-” Usopp began but he was cut off by a snort from Zoro. 

“Buzzfeed? You trust that shit?” He chuckled to himself. 

“Hey,” Nami swatted her pale hand at her friend, lightly hitting the bridge of his nose as he frowned, “Let him continue. Even if it started from Buzzfeed.” Her words were sarcastic and pointed, garnering another laugh from the moss beside her. 

Usopp looked away. They didn’t seem to understand this ran deep. This was affecting him so much and it was all fueled by hate. A hatred he had and harbored, that could easily hurt the one person he cared so much about. He never wanted to be the reason she cried. He never wanted to be the reason she left again. His ginger friend’s face hardened when she saw his anxious expression. Then it hit her. It wasn't just a stupid joke he was going to say, with some stupider punchline at the end. It wasn’t something that was funny. No, it couldn’t be funny. Hurting Sanji would hurt him so much more than anyone would ever be able to understand. It was serious to him so it had to be serious to her too. 

“Go on,” she spoke softly, nudging his knee with her foot so they could make eye contact. Her eyes said more words than she ever could, trying to be comforting in some way. 

“Every time I see her, I feel so sick. And when she touches me my skin gets all hot and itchy… Buzzfeed said I was misogynistic when I put in all my symptoms,” he said low, shame rising in his throat, “A-And I feel terrible. She cares about me and here I am being all hateful.” 

Zoro watched him, blinking slowly. He was silent as he processed this information, trying to fully grasp what Usopp meant. Then he spoke up, “Do you hate women?” Eliciting a smack from the woman beside him. The brunette looked up from his lap and he continued, “Do you really hate women?”

“Can you try and be sensitive?” Nami retorted back to him. 

“I am! It’s good to ask questions when your friend is self diagnosing as a misogynist,” he spoke through gritted teeth, narrowing his eyes at the girl. 

“No,” Usopp’s voice made the both of them look at him, “I don’t really hate anyone. But if I’m not misogynistic how can that explain m-” Before he could explain further, Zoro waved a hand in the air. 

“You have a crush- OW YOU CUNT-” Zoro began but was instantly cut off by a smack from Nami, which sent him falling backward onto the wooden floor.

“You can’t just tell him he has a crush! You have to ease him into it!” She reprimanded, pointing a finger at the moss, “He can’t handle all that in one go!” 

“He’s an adult,” he groaned, propping himself up on his elbows to stare at her, “I think he can handle knowing he’s in love.” 

She pushed his forehead back, “In love and crush are two different things, idiot!” The man fell back, onto the wood, letting out a breath of defeat. He was stronger than everyone in the apartment, although Luffy rivaled him in that area. It was clear from that interaction alone, he was letting her have her way with him. Zoro never really minded letting people hit him, he had no reason to fight back if it was his friends. And half the time it was. 

All the while as they bickered and pushed, Usopp was seated across from them. His eyes began to unfocus and blur the world before him, turning it into street lights on a night sky. Streaky and blurry against his irises, as he sat and took it in. He wasn’t in love, he was the furthest thing from being in love. No, love was different. He had been in love before when he was younger, with one of his first girlfriends. It was intimate, quick, and it was fun; nothing like the torture he was enduring. 

Sanji’s mere presence made him sick, made him unable to think of nothing but her, made him sweaty and prickled with heat on his cheeks, and made him a terrible person. Around her he felt comforted when he was far away from that mindset, but when it came back he could focus on nothing more than his breathing to ground himself. I mean, it was like this when they were in high school, but to such a lesser extent. He was always on edge around the blonde, breathing heavily and clammy. But that was normal. All friends were like that. All friends wanted to be near each other every day. All friends cuddled into the depths of the night, until it was practically suffocating for them to even think about letting go. 

Friends touched each other, against bare skin for practice. Friends would spend nights upon nights talking until sunrise, because there was so much more to say. Friends kissed the skin on their friends neck every night, as a way to say good night. And friends shared intimate moments since they were young and stupid, and, of course, it wouldn’t mean anything in the moment- or the day after. Of course, they’d never speak about it again. 

Of course, they were best friends.

Then it began to click, all the pieces falling into place. He never heard Zoro talk about Nami like that, how they’d steal glances and wish it would last forever. Or how when their hands touched it felt electric. They never spoke about how hard it was to sleep when the person you loved the most was pressed against your chest and breathing softly into the pillow beside you, so quietly you could barely hear her. But you knew she was there, and that was the most comforting aspect. 

Usopp looked down into his lap, frowning deeply. How could he have not seen he was… in love? 

“Guys?” He croaked, causing them to perk up mid-fight to look at his astonished face, “Am I stupid…?”

Nami hesitated as Zoro blurted out, “Yes.” Causing her to tackle him again and punch his frame, which he let her do as the floor was too comfortable for him to fight back.

“God, I’m so stupid!!” Usopp groaned, turning and burying his face into a pillow where he screamed just a little bit. How could he not have seen it wasn’t misogyny but years of neglected and intense feelings coming up to the surface to bite him in the ass? Maybe he shouldn’t have invested in a mechanical engineering degree if he couldn’t even deduce a simple crush.

“Why are you stupid?” A voice rang in his ears, causing the student to raise his head from the pillow. He saw Sanji, standing above him with a curious expression. She came back a lot sooner than he thought, with Luffy dog piling his boyfriend and their mutual friend with ease. Her outfit had changed from this morning, into something more casual. He sat up and pushed the pillow away, so she could sit next to him on the floor. However, she opted to sit on the couch so her legs were beside him. 

With this newfound information bouncing in Usopp’s brain, it was hard to pry his eyes off her frame. She was gorgeous, even if it was in a baggy T-shirt and jeans. Her body was hidden, and he wanted so desperately to put his hand on her back, bringing her into his clutches. He wanted to run his fingers against her skin just to see what would make her pull him closer. He wanted to see how her hair smelt today, how her skin smelt, how her mouth would feel against his. 

It was perverse and it was wrong, to have these thoughts run rampant in his mind. But they weren’t misogyny, they were built off of pure unbridled love. They were built off of innocence and purity. They were built off of his affections for her. The fact he loved her, so deeply and truly. He always had, ever since they were teenagers. He never stopped loving her, chasing her through other women to fill the void she left when she, well, left. 

Sanji watched as he stared at her, eyes wide with curiosity, “Usopp?” Her voice broke into his thoughts, being the thing that caused him to turn away for a moment. He wasn’t being very inconspicuous with his staring, in fact he was being too obvious. How could Usopp not be obvious anymore, when it felt so good to indulge and watch her exist as a god amongst men? 

“Yeah?” The man looked back at her and he saw something in her hand. It was red and white, and the moment he saw it the thoughts of his affection were replaced with confusion. He hadn’t seen her smoke the almost two weeks she was staying. In his mind, he assumed she had quit between the three years they were apart. 

“Come outside with me? I could use the company,” she motioned to the box, shaking it a bit, “Zoro’s been coming outside with me usually before bed, but he looks a little busy,” her blue eyes trailed ahead of her, where he was letting Nami and Luffy punch his body while he laid there, half asleep. It felt like home to be there, watching them fight and sitting beside someone he cared about, without having to feel bad for those feelings. 

“Is that why you get up early? To smoke?” Usopp asked her as they exited the apartment building into the middle of the street, where the crisp night air hit his cheeks and made them prickle with a red blush. She put on a jacket that was his, asking if she could borrow it because all of her’s were dirty. It was brown leather and too big to fit her anymore, loosely hanging from her frame as she lit the cigarette hanging from her bottom lip. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t know,” Sanji looked at him, waving the lighter before placing it back in her pant pocket. She pulled the cigarette from her lips and exhaled the smoke in the opposite direction from her friend, clearing her throat before she continued, “I always think you’re asleep by the time I go to bed, so Zoro comes with me out here. But then I get to your room and you’re still awake.” 

“So that’s where you got long-nose from?” He mused, placing his hands in his own jacket pocket as he slowly walked forward. 

“He did call you that once, yeah,” she smiled and pressed the cigarette to her mouth, inhaling and closing her eyes. It explained the homely scent that lingered on her skin, even if it was covered in citrus. There was something savory to it he couldn’t quite place, but it was the cigarettes. He knew she had started smoking young, it was almost like her thing back in high school. He could even picture her smoking behind the school as he sat on the ground, watching her with keen eyes. 

“You don’t mind the smell do you?” Sanji asked, turning her head to him. 

They made eye contact and he brushed some coils of his own hair from his forehead before he responded, “No. Reminds me of home.” 

“I didn’t know your parents smoked when you were younger,” she flicked a bit of the ash onto the pavement. With the subtle glow of the cigarette then the dim street lamps, she looked like a dream. Something only a painter could capture. Something that if he tried to get a photo of, it would never be the same. It would never have the same effect as living it would. 

Usopp shook his head, causing her brows to furrow, “You smoked when we were younger.” Sanji silently stared back at him as the small stick stuck from her bottom lip. She let it drizzle smoke from the head as she watched him in the darkness that began to surround them as the sky turned dull blue.

“I remind you … of home?” She asked quietly, a pink blush forming at the bridge of her nose and coming to the apples of her cheeks. 

“Sanji,” he breathed out, “I think you are my home.” Before Usopp could catch himself the words came slipping out, telling more of the truth than he wanted to tell. 

Her lips pursed and she pulled the cigarette from her mouth again, to cradle it between two fingers, “You’ve been acting so weird all this week. I thought I did something. You’re always so red and … sweaty,” a small but awkward smile pulled at her lips, “And you look scared, all the time. Like you’re saying the wrong thing.” 

The moment felt right. The moment was right. She was standing in dull light and he was beside her, just a mere foot and a half apart. The night was fading into darkness, the cigarette was almost up, her hair was pushed back in a messy ponytail, and, god, her lips looked beautiful in the faded shade of red he had applied hours prior. There was nothing more that he could do than stare, even though he knew he needed to respond. 

But how could he respond to her? He was being weird, and sweaty, and scared. He was all of it. No matter what he said, it would sound like a stupid lie to cover up an even more stupid lie. Because in truth, it was. It would be a cover up for something he never wanted to tell her. 

“I’m misogynistic.” 

Usopp pressed his lips together as he realized what the hell he just said. Sanji stared at him blankly, the cigarette falling from her fingers as she slowly blinked in thought.

“No- Well I was- well I thought I was! I thought I hated women, because y-you know you’re a,” he awkwardly motioned to her body then his eyes widened, “Not because that makes you a woman- you are a woman- a very pretty woman! And that makes me scared and sweaty- because I thought I hated women!” Usopp inhaled sharply before he continued, “But I don’t hate women- I don’t hate you! I thought I did- an-and I felt so bad, because then that would mean I hate you- but I don’t! I love you- I love you. Oh. My. God. I love you. I love you like- like- It hurts. It hurts so much that I love you and I’m … saying this… out… loud…” 

Sanji stared back at him as he rattled on, eyes becoming glasslike until they started spilling silent tears down her cheeks. He hadn’t even noticed, until his sentence trailed off and she saw her face glisten in the street light. He had done it. He was the one to make her cry with the beliefs he tried to keep from her. Usopp had made the woman he loved more than he could physically bear because of his idiotic words and timing, and because he couldn’t hold a secret for more than five minutes before pouring his heart out. 

He tried to fix it, “Sanji…” But his voice died in his throat when she let out a small sob, covering her mouth. 

“You… idiot,” she looked at him, brushing her fingers by her waterline to try and stop the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. All the while, a wide smile adorned her face. The smile was what made her friend tilt his head and narrow his eyes in surprise. Surely, he had upset her, I mean, she was crying! How could she be smiling at his misogynistic confession? 

“You idiot!” Sanji smacked him on the head, causing him to stumble back a bit before she grabbed the collar of his shirt and forced her eyes to bore into his own, glossy with her tears. Her expression was crumbling with something that looked akin to joy as she held him close, trying to speak but all that would come out were garbled sobs. And at that moment, all he could think about was how beautiful she looked, all messed up. Her eyeliner was slightly smudged at the corners of her eyes, although her mascara wasn’t budging. Her bottom lip was quivering as she tried to hold back a smile she never wanted to hold back. 

“Are you… upset…?” Usopp raised his hands, slowly placing them on her shoulder blades, slowly prying her away from his shirt. She shook her head quickly, to which he responded, “You’re happy?” At that she nodded vigorously, “Why?” He asked, clearly not understanding. 

“Be-e-cause,” Sanji squeaked, hiccuping before her words spilt out, “You love m-me, too.”

“Oh,” he had forgotten that in his confession of past misogyny, he also confessed his feelings a few minutes after realizing them. “Wait, too? You love me, too?” A kind of burning sensation was growing in his chest until it finally exploded, rising in his skin and melding deep into his face. He was on fire, and it was perfect. If she caused him to burn, he’d thank her and ask her to burn him again. Because he loved her, fuck, he loved her so much he couldn’t stand it. 

Sanji nodded, taking her knuckles to her eyes to wipe away the excess of makeup pooling at the bottom of her eyelid. Even with that messed up makeup and tear stained face, she looked like a painting. She looked messy and human, so beautifully human. 

Usopp placed his shaky hand over hers and brought it to his lips, pressing his mouth onto her fingers. Then her finger tips, then down the base of her fingers to her palm, down to her wrist. She hiccuped as he brought her in close and pressed his lips to her neck, pressing a delicate kiss to her skin as she held him closer. 

“I don’t think you understand,” he breathed out, pressing kisses on her face until their noses were mere millimeters apart, “I love you.” Usopp’s voice was barely above a murmur, something that he spoke only for her ears to hear. 

“I- I know, long-nose,” Sanji sniffed, “I’m home… I’m home now…” She spoke as if she was sure this wasn’t a dream, but she needed to be certain. She needed to know she’d never wake up, and this would never end. 

Slowly, he brought his lips to her’s, just to feel it for a moment. It was perfect, it was absolutely right. His lips were carved from the finest clay and made to be molded against her’s, no one else's. He was made to be her’s. Usopp was born to worship her and be there for her. No one else but Sanji. 

His home. 

[bnm-girl]

gaz. Kyle? Gaz.

gaz has the biggest dick. mouth in bed. bartender!gaz x fem!reader

tw: name calling, rough sex, creep trying to approach reader, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

summary: While you came to the club to try and get over a guy, you cant help but notice a certain staff member looking over.

minors dni!

no bcz hdssfvhjkj this man has me in a chokehold rn.

The lights are dim and colorful in the club, and some song is blasting over the speakers. You nurse your fruity cocktail while looking over at the dance floor. You came here to get over your shitbag of a boyfriend, but it seems like it’s going to be more difficult than you thought. A glance around just shows drunk snobs. You look down at your drink, remembering the cute bartender that gave you your drink. Flashbacking to when he slid the drink down the bar like a pro, with a wink, getting a laugh from you.

Your thoughts are interrupted when some dude comes up to you, giving you a tap on the shoulder. You feel a slight moment of hope, hoping you would actuslly find someone at this god forsaken club. But when you turn around, you are met with the sight on a 50 year old drunk, who smells horrible and something dripping down his tank. You instantly scrunch your nose up at the sight (and smell). He grins with a rancid breath and asks “hey sweetcheeks, you wanna have some fun?” Grinning again as you reel away from him. “Sorry sir, i’m having enough as is.” You reply curtly. He stumbles right in front on your face and grabs your arm, “cmongirlll, you don look like your havinggfun, stopp being sucha bitch and letloose some” panick floods your system, not knowing what to do nor respond without escalating the situation.

“sir, would you like a shot? Iss on the house” he looks over at the drunken man, he quickly walks over to him. You look at his nametag, reading ‘Kyle’. The man downs the shot and stumbles off. Kyle walks over to you and says “you alright dear? My god, his breath stinks!”

You laugh, “yes, and thank you so much.. Kyle? for for that.”

He smiles, “just call me gaz. I think i did pretty good eh? To be honest, we usually don’t deal with this many assholes. Let me get you a drink, sorry about that. What would you like?”

You quickly reply, quickly realizing that you did find a guy at the club, just not who you expected. You respond “just giving out drinks to everyone today huh?” His face was all fun and smiles, but his eyes held another feeling.

“nope, only pretty ladies and drunk assholes” his eyes running down your body, but you could barely catch it.

“You flirting with me gaz?”

“Only if you wan’ me to, and you’re in luck, because my shift end just about now” looking at his watch. He leans over the bar, leaning into your ear “So, you flirting with me?” He murmurs, voice just above the blasting speakers.

“So what if i am?” You grin, standing up from your seat.

He walks around the bar so he’s right next to you. He leans down into your face, “is that a yes i’m hearing?”

“yes.”

With hearing your consent, he grabs you by the wrist and leads you to the car. Even when in such a rush, he opens the door. He hops in and starts to drive, hand on your thigh. He is definitely driving above the speed limit, but that’s the least of your worries. As you look around, you notice how nice his car is.

“Gaz, not to be mean, but you’ve got a really nice car for a bartender”

“well love, that might be because i own the club.”

You flush at the pet name, you can’t help but squirm from his hand thats a little too high on your leg. You just hope he doesn’t brush his hand along the wet spot in your panties. You try to play off your evident horniness by responding back, “so this is undercover boss now?”

“if you want it to be, never really tried roleplaying but never say no.”

You flush even more. He knew what you were talking about, but he thought it would be better to tease you. You look at the nice apartment complex he lives in. Wether it be from the alcohol, lust, or anticipation, going up to the apartment was a blur. The snap back to reality is the second the door clicks, his mouth is on yours, teeth clashing and tongues swirling. He nips at your lip, and Gaz is convinced he might bust a nut right then and there.

He pushes you against a wall and rasps, “jump” he picks you up and carries you to the bedroom. He sit you down and His hands wander all over, he then grabs the zipper to your dress and pulls it down. He groans, noticing you aren’t wearing a bra. He sucks on your neck, purple and pink blossoming on your neck. He makes his way down to your cunt,

“holy shittt, this has gotta be the prettiest cunt ive ever seen. Such a whore huh? Barely touched you and you’re already soaked through your panties huh?” He grabs the elastic of your underwear and snaps it against your stomach, causing your hips to buck. “Desperate slut.” He thumbs your clit through your underwear, causing you to whine out. He pushes your panties to the side and licks a long stripe up your pussy. You moan out almost instantly, trying to find purchase in grabbing the sheets. He sucks in your clit as you gush around his tounge, he licks it all up with eagerness. He then gets his middle finger and starts to probe at your hole. He pushes his finger in and curls up into that spongy spot. You moan out, the Pleasure becoming overwhelming. “Gaz- im gonna - gonna uh-“

“Come for me darling”

With noises you’ve only ever heard in pornos, you have the most earth shattering orgasmm of your life.

Gaz continues to lick up your juices as he finally, although begrudgingly, pulled away. His mouth was completely soaked in you. His shiny chin and lips were a sight to behold. The look of his blown out eyes and wet face almost got you to come again.

he notices you starting and says “take a picture, it’ll last longer”

He starts to unbutton his vest and shirt, when you start helping him unbuckle his pants. You kissed down his happy trail and noticed the veins leading to his dick.

“such a slut for this cock huh?”

When you finally pull his dick out of his boxers, your mouth starts to water. Long, but more on the thick side, slightly pointing up with a slightly red tip. It has a thick mushroom head and veins running alone the underside. You notice a bead of precum of his tip and kiss it off. He groans with delight.

“answer me pretty girl” he grabs his cock and starts tapping it on the side of your cheeck

“Just put it in you dickwad” you snap, the desperation becoming almost too much

“if you insist” he grins, he aligns his dick with your cunt, getting ready to put it in, but instead of sliding in, he rubs the head of his cock along your pussy. You whine, “please gaz, i need your cock in me”

He grins at your begging, his ego inflating. “As much as i would love to put my dick in your slobbering pussy, this is punishment for calling me a dickwad. Karma sweetie”

he continues to do that for what seems like forever, back an forth. You are so wet just from this that your fluids were dripping down his leg. Finally, with no warning, he shoves his cock into your pussy. You moan out, feeling like the breath has been knocked out from your lungs. His fat mushroom tip slams into your cervix every single time. The feeling of his veins along your walls feels euphoric. You were sure that the neighbors were going to call a noise complaint after this.

He leans forward and holds your back so he can thrust into you further. You wrap your legs around him and claw at his back and neck to find relief from the overwhelming feeling of pleasure.

He starts blabbering, “fuckk love you feel divine, what this pussy was made for innit? Yer cunts gonna mould to my dick, squeezing so tight gonna pull my dick off, betcha live this eh? Such a good whore, my little pretty slut— fuck”

You moan out, senses going into overdrive when he grabs your legs and slings then over his shoulders. “Gaz, i feel funny, i uh uh uh i feel like im gonna pee” He brings his hand down and rubs circles around your clit. Your back arches as his free hand plays with your boobs. You finally come again, but this time you squirt. You spray your juices all on gaz and you’re moaning so loud you know for a fact the whole building can hear.

He looks down and groans, “fuck yer a squirter huh, such a perfect little cunt, making such a mess on me eh? Betcha wont find anither guy like me” he them grabs your legs and folds you in half, solely focused on his pleasure now.

he continues to thrust into you, but soon later, he groans out “where?”

“in me fuck gaz, put a baby in me please lord”

with a few more thrusts, he leans in, filling you to the hilt, and busts a load in you. He pulls out and watches as his seed drips out of you, he grabs two fingers and pushes in back in.

“cant have you wasting my cum, no? Might be the hottest thing ive every done or seen”

you wake up the next morning in clean sheets and clothes too big, you see a note on the counter that says,

###-###-#### stay for today? Let me take you out on a date :)

-gaz

(lmk if yall wanna taglist)