#he DOES also have a goatee but it's hard to see cause he's blond and also it looks like it might be kind of an unfortunate soulpatch kfjdhfd

[blujayonthewing]

big shoutout to this appropriately skinny model on human anatomy for artists for not only having a bunch of extremely normal and straightforward sitting and standing poses in full turnarounds but also, coincidentally, for having long hair in a ponytail, which I didn't need but is a fun bonus

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

"tell me how you actually feel for once" for starker. Love your writing btw

What You Want

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: Mature (M)  Notes: Thanks a ton, nonnie! I appreciate the compliment. This was a fun one - I hope you enjoy it!  Word Count: ~3.5k Summary: 

Peter’s a little tired of the back and forth with Tony, so he takes their ‘relationship’ into his own hands.

His weird tango with Tony started right after graduation.

It took a few months post-Thanos for everyone to get their shit back together, Peter included. He ran off with Ned and MJ to Europe, only to be duped by someone hell bent on taking Tony Stark and the company his family built down to the ground. Mysterio fucked him up and it took a while to find a way to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. While he did, he stepped away from the Avenger’s completely, ducked his head, and finished out the year to the best of his ability.

Walking into the gym in his cap and gown, Peter was genuinely surprised to see the entire crew sitting in the row next to May. Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, Clint, Thor – even Nat and Bruce were tucked into the small chairs mandated for friends and family. His face broke into a wide grin – it’d been a while since he saw anyone and, in that instant, he knew that his decision to go back to the Avenger’s was the right one.

The row where they were all standing broke into the loudest applause of the day when Peter walked across the stage. Thor, in his ornamental garb stood up and yelled – “Bravo, Master Peter!” It echoed around the gym and caused the rest of the people to clap even louder. Red-faced, he grabbed his diploma from some lady he’d never seen before and finished the walk. Right before he stepped off the stage, he lifted the folder in his hands and let out a whoop.

His eyes caught Tony on the walk back to his seat – his whiskey colored eyes bore into him, a soft smile playing on the older man’s lips. In the few months since their final interaction with Thanos, Tony was the only person he tried to keep in contact with. The ruse of being one of Tony’s interns was going to be a great cover for why he was always with Tony and around the other Avenger’s on a pretty constant basis.

No one knew about his secret identity – and he planned to keep it that way.

Peter took the smile on Tony’s face with him all the way back to his seat – the image of it burnt into his brain. They’d been talking on the phone and over text messages since his final brief with Tony and Happy after the Europe fiasco – it sent a bunch of weird feelings flowing through him, seeing the look on Tony’s face in person. The crush he’d been trying so hard to get rid of was still there, then.

Between the look on Tony’s face and MJ’s parting words, Peter was plenty occupied for the rest of the ceremony. It wasn’t until Michael Parker, his line buddy since elementary school, bumped him in the side that he got to his feet and stood with the rest of his class. Back in the moment, Peter found himself grinning with his full face – he was finally done and able to find himself on a different playing field with the people around him. Peter Parker wasn’t a kid any longer.

After giving MJ and Ned a quick hug, Peter rushed to find May and the rest of the rag tag group of people that were there for him. It wasn’t hard to follow the loud noise of everyone trying to talk at once down the hall and right into the swell of his favorite people. The group hug that followed made his heart burst, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks. Peter didn’t really know much about family – but these people around him felt more like home than anything else on the planet.

Peter got an individual hug from everyone in the group – his face literally on fire by the time he got to Tony; he’d been unable to pull the beaming smile from his cheeks for the past ten minutes. Tony standing in front of him didn’t help, either.

In the few months since their last encounter, Tony let his hair grow out a little, the man not bothering with the dye in it, either. The usually dark locks were streaked through with gray – the salt and pepper look doing too many things for Peter to handle in that moment. He traded the goatee in for a full faced beard that was finely manicured. The wrinkle of his cheek from the beaming smile slipping across his face made Peter’s heart stutter.

Tony looked amazing – better than he remembered.  

There was a brief moment of hesitation when Tony let Peter look his fill. Tony’s wide smile got a little bigger when they finally shared a glance – strong arms were around Peter’s shoulder before he could even think to fill the space between them himself. A soft sigh left Peter’s lips, the solid press of Tony against him the best thing he’d experienced all night. “Hey Tony,” Peter mumbled, his head tucking into Tony’s neck without much thought.

It took them a few extra seconds to pull away – both of them obviously reluctant. Peter smiled when Tony made a bit of distance between them, but kept a hand on his hip, too. The normally colored shades were replaced with clear lens, the brightness of Tony’s eyes shining through them. “Congrats, kid – glad you’re finally done with all this,” Tony said in way of reply to Peter’s greeting. His hand squeezed Peter’s hip while he spoke, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Same – and now that I’m done, you can stop calling me kid. Pete will do.” Peter matched Tony’s grin, a soft chuckle falling from his lips as he did. “Thanks, though – I know all of you guys being here was your thing. It was a great surprise.” He looked over Tony’s shoulder to the group chatting idly with each other. “I definitely get the coolest family award.”

Tony’s hand moved from his hip, the arm slinging over his shoulder instead. Peter gasped at the warmth against his side, being so close to Tony something that still made his head swim. Tony was a little less restrained than usual and Peter was more than willing to soak it the fuck up.

“Sure thing, Pete. Everyone wanted to see you – I think it’s finally sinking in, you coming to officially join the team. I figured celebrating your first step into adulthood was a good way to get everyone together before shit gets real again.” Tony cupped his shoulder tenderly, pulling him closer. “And I missed you. I mean – I couldn’t miss this.”

Whatever Peter planned on saying was interrupted by May pulling both him and Tony into a hug. Ever since finding out that he was Spider-Man and the way Tony fit into all of that, May treated Tony like one of her own whenever she saw him. If anything could make Peter like Tony more, it was that – May’s approval of the good person Tony actually was.

With a final squeeze, Tony pulled away, stepping back into the swell of people around them with a raised eyebrow and a wink. Peter watched him turn and engage Bruce in a conversation, the charmer in him fitting naturally into whatever he and Nat were talking about. Shaking his head, Peter moved his attention back to May, a knowing smile on her face.

“It’s not nearly as weird now that you’re not in school. I can’t tell you why – but, I am less opposed. Just make sure he treats you well.” She looked at him, then turned her head to look over at Tony, who, despite trying not to, was also looking over in their direction. He nodded and tried to smile casually – his jerky transition back into conversation with Bruce probably only noticeable to Peter.

Kissing her on the cheek, Peter turned May towards Thor – her eyes lighting up when the blonde god turned and immediately engaged with her. He could always rely on the churlish brute to charm the pants off anyone sent his way.

----

Peter found Tony by himself a few hours later. They were in the newly refurbished Stark Tower – Tony needed to have a sanctuary in the city and missed the old building – he wrote to Peter about it when Happy enlisted him to move some of the things around the penthouse. Tony was leaning against the railing on the balcony that overlooked the city, an untouched whiskey in his hands. “Mr. Graduate – enjoying your party?” Tony asked, his head turning to meet Peter’s eyes.

He stood close enough to Tony for their shoulders to brush, Peter stopping his hands from roaming by lacing his fingers together in front of him. “It’s the best party I’ve been to, for sure. Thor, Bucky, and Steve chugging beer is something I’ll never forget.” Peter felt Tony’s shoulders shake, the laughing pulling one from his own chest. “It’s nice out here, though – it was getting a little stuffy inside.”

“Glad to hear it, Pete. It feels good to christen the place with something like this. I missed this view more than I care to admit,” Tony replied, the hand with the whiskey in it gesturing towards the city in front of them. “I meant it earlier – when I said I’ve missed you. I tried to play it off, but we both know how well that went.” Tony tossed back the alcohol in his glass, the play of his throat distracting enough to miss the man turning towards him.

Mimicking his posture, Peter turned until he was toe to toe with Tony, his hand grabbing the older man’s arm. “I know. I missed you, too. The space everyone gave me was exactly what I needed. My head is clear for the first time in a while.” He gripped Tony’s elbow and pulled until the older man’s arms were around his shoulders, the hand with the empty glass hanging carelessly. “What does it mean, though? Us missing each other?”

Tony didn’t answer verbally, he simply leaned in and pressed his lips to Peter’s. His lips tasted like the old whiskey in Tony’s glass, smooth and warm. Peter didn’t hesitate to open his mouth to Tony’s curious tongue. In his exploration, Peter gave as good as he got, their tongues tangled and fought playfully for dominance. It didn’t really answer anything, but who was he to complain? Pulling away, Peter let his chest heave before attempting to press back in for more.

“Hey, wait,” Tony murmured, his free hand moving to cup Peter’s cheek. There was an odd look in his eyes, then they were trailing over his shoulder to the open glass that separated them from the rest of the people gathered in the penthouse – there to celebrate him. “We should probably head back inside – do this when there isn’t an audience.” There was a second of hesitation, then he leaned in and gave Peter another chaste kiss.

“I think we try and figure out what it means together, Pete.” Tony finally answered Peter’s question, as if the kiss wasn’t enough. And the words were just as frustrating as the man pulling away from him. There wasn’t anything holding them back – Peter didn’t quite understand the hesitation.

The door to the balcony ended up opening a few moments later, Tony raising his brow at him – the subtle ‘I told you so’ not nearly as stealth as he was aiming for it to be. They broke away from each other enough for Steve to fit in the space between them, his arms wrapping around their shoulders and pulling them close. “Feels good for the team to finally be complete,” Steve said, his words a little slurred together from the massive quantity of alcohol he’d consumed.

It took a few minutes for Peter to extract himself from Cap’s tight grip and make a quick exit back into the house, his head swimming with tons of emotions he couldn’t quite process. On top of finally marking off something that changed his status within society, Peter was getting his all access pass to the Avengers – and from the looks of it, a nice look at what being with Tony Stark might be like.

For the first time since Tony pulled his lips away and did the responsible thing, Peter felt grateful. He needed to take a little while to put things in order – starting with his very drunk aunt. Peter helped her to the spare room Tony showed them earlier, her small body following his lead willingly. She gave him a tight hug and collapsed into instantaneous sleep when her body hit the mattress.

He decided he wanted to change out of the stuffy clothes he’d been in all day and made a brief pit-stop in the room he’d be staying in for “as long as he wanted”. Tony looked at him a second longer than necessary when he said that. Peter let himself pull some of the stuff in his bag he put together earlier that day out and into the drawers, the idea of getting to be there for as long as he wanted too good to be true.

In a pair of sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, Peter wandered back into the common room where most of the group was still gathered around. All lot of them were drunk, or quickly on their way to being so, but Peter didn’t mind – he always enjoyed watching people making a fool out of themselves when at parties before. Stretching out on one of the empty couches, Peter relaxed and let the sound of his chosen family lull him to sleep.

The sensation of being picked up pulled him out of the delightful dream he’d been having. He tried to keep his eyes closed and fall back into it, but his body wasn’t having it. Blinking his eyes open, he felt himself smile when he saw Tony cradling him to his chest, Peter’s head on his shoulder. Though Peter was much stronger, Tony carried him like he weighed nothing, the ease in which he handled him making his heart race.

Peter clung to his strong shoulders until Tony was kneeling on his bed and depositing him onto the mattress. The arms around him squeezed briefly, then pulled away – the ghost of Tony’s aftershave sitting in Peter’s nose, intoxicating him with every pull of air into his lungs. “You can stay if you want,” Peter babbled sleepily, his eyes already closing as he snuggled into the covers Tony pulled back for him.

Soft lips on his forehead made him smile, the huff of Tony’s breath against his skin spreading all over him like wildfire. He leaned into the touch, his lazy hands trying without much success to pull Tony towards him and keep him there. “I don’t mind.”

Tony pressed another kiss to his cheek, then pulled completely away, his voice sounding very distant the next time Peter heard it. “I’ll take you up on that some other time. You should get some rest.” He let out a barely audible sigh. Peter felt a hand on his ankle through the blanket, then another soft breath. “See you tomorrow, Pete.”

Unable to cling to wakefulness any longer, Peter let the swell of sleep take him under, the smell of vanilla and bourbon fueling his dreams for the rest of the night.

----

They danced around each other for the next few weeks. Peter stayed with Tony until he decided he wanted to make the official move to the Avenger’s compound. It was time to get into some semblance of a normal routine. 

Steve and Nat put together a training protocol and a schedule for patrols and surveillance. Since a lot of his skills were better capitalized in the labs, Tony claimed his talents and spent time showing him the ropes of his and Bruce’s labs and all of the things they were trying to accomplish within them.

On patrols, they were separated into trios, Peter lucky enough to have two people who were just as excited to work with him as he was with them – he usually went out with Tony and Bruce to try out some of the new adjustments or pieces of tech they were fiddling with in the lab. 

There weren’t any major threats knocking on their door, so they took the time to work with everyone and customize an optimal arsenal of tech and weapons to maximize skill turnover. The new sling-ring they made for Stephen when he joined them at the compound was one of his favorite pieces of work to date.

In a lot of ways, Peter was settling in nicely. There wasn’t a single person that doubted his skill, which was a nice turn of events after being Underoos – at least they recognized his contribution to the team. Everyone was accommodating and went out of their way to show Peter the ropes, offer up suggestions, and stand in as combat partners during training. The sense of family only grew the more time he spent with everyone.

Tony Stark posed a different issue, however. They were constantly working with each other, which brought them even closer than ever. Peter understood the way Tony’s brain worked and could hand him tools before he asked for them – it became a sort of game the longer they spent in the lab together. Peter couldn’t pinpoint what was happening, but his chest got a little tighter with want and need every single day.

He wanted to pull Tony aside and ask him why they didn’t capitalize on the fact that their rooms were right next to each other. A part of him felt so impatient to have work roughened hands on him, pulling his clothes off, touching his hidden depths – it took everything in him to keep control over the emotions that were very quickly bubbling over. The rational side of him knew that Tony was giving him time and space to grow and fit within the group in his own way. He could tell that it was important for Peter to have his own place not just in the team, but in the adult world, too.

Peter wasn’t patient enough to see it all play out, in the end. After a particularly close call during their latest patrol, Peter pulled Tony into his room when they finally found themselves back in their quarters. His hands were rough on Tony’s upper arms, the grip probably going to leave bruises by the end of whatever this ended up being. Pressing Tony up against the door, Peter leaned his head against the older man’s chest – a harsh breath leaving his lungs.

“Tell me how you actually feel for once.” Peter demanded, his head lifting to catch Tony’s eyes. “The idea of not getting to you fast enough earlier made me want to throw things – I couldn’t imagine losing you, not after all this.” His hands moved from Tony’s arms to his hips, his fingers digging in enough to pull them flush against each other. “If I’m reading this wrong, tell me – but I can’t stand this little bit of distance you’ve put between us. You’re killing me, Tones.”

Arms wrapping around his shoulders, much like the first time, was Tony’s first response, the cut on his cheek crinkling as a soft smile slid across his face. “Peter – I’ve been letting you get your feet under you. I didn’t want to swoop in and tell you how much I love you before you found a place that was your own. This team is counting on me and you,” Tony remarked, one of his hands pressing into Peter’s chest. “You feeling comfortable is the most important thing.”

Shaking his head, Peter closed the gap and kissed Tony’s lips. The soft gasp he couldn’t hold back gave Tony the perfect opportunity to press his tongue against the seam of Peter’s open lips – he wasn’t shy about pressing forward and deepening the kiss. Peter flattened his hands, his arms wrapping around Tony’s hips until his palms rested over the pertness of Tony’s ass cheeks. Using his grip, he pulled until they were even closer together.

Peter broke away and caught Tony’s eye, mischief obvious in the honey-hazel of it. “I’m comfortable. Will you fuck me now? Or do I need to spell it out for you?” Peter threw Tony a wink and stepped back, his hands moving to pull his shirt over his head and remove the sweatpants from his hips.

Tony’s tongue slipped out to coat his lips, a wicked grin on his face. “I read you loud and clear, Pete,” he whispered, his hands tugging off his own t-shirt. “You should get on the bed so we can make up for all that lost time.”

[galacticempiress]

trespasser (4/?)

(from my other acc @gothcmss, the rest of the parts are there)

star wars x mcu x fem!reader

summary: tony and (y/n) try to rescue rey from the finalizer.

words count: 2.1k+

warnings: cussing, violence, overuse of commas.

You walked behind Tony towards what you assumed is someone you’re supposed to go to, judging the way he dressed. “You must be Lieutenant Natchios! You’re extremely la-” Hux turned to your direction to see the most wanted man in the universe. His eyes widen while Tony smiled at him and waved.

“Hey there!” Tony says, showing fake enthusiasm. Deep inside Tony, he was absolutely terrified. He doesn’t know if this guy he heard from earlier is a force-sensitive. He didn’t want to encounter Kylo again and wanted to get out of this hellhole as soon as possible.

“Saw this man while I was on my way here. Extremely witty even when I captured him.” (Y/N) gave Tony a fake glare to make sure the ginger bought the act.

“With that strange beard, I can already tell he’s going to be a problem.” Hux mutters, “Lead him to the interrogation room. A stormtrooper will lead you there and Kylo and I will deal with him later.” Hux says coldly before leaving. A stormtrooper walks in front of you and signals you to follow him.

“The general insulted my goatee! Did you hear that!?” Tony whispered and gasps dramatically.

“I heard it alright but guess what, Tony?” (Y/N) looks at him, making Tony turn his head to the side with curiosity, “We’re not gonna do anything about it just because someone insulted your goatee.” It was a silly reason to start a scene. 

Tony scoffs and spoke, “Well, my goatee is a pretty big dea-” The stormtrooper turns around abruptly, making the duo come to an immediate stop. 

“Shut it, rebel scu- ah!” The stormtrooper flew back and landed on the ground with a loud thump. The sound of sizzling was heard and the billionaire made a ‘hmph’ sound. He walked towards the dead stormtrooper and lead him to a janitor's closet.

“Keep guard (Y/N).” The woman nodded before he closed the door. While Tony was changing, (Y/N) looked at the environment around her. Squeaky black clean floors, a small black...trapezoid passing by at times, and hallways that seem to go on forever. This was not the environment that (Y/N) was used to but something felt right. Like she’s been here all this time.

“Is it clear out there, (Y/N)?” Tony whispers loud enough through the crack of the door, snapping out of her thoughts. It took a moment for (Y/N) to process what he just said. 

Looking left and right, (Y/N) turned to the door. “Yes, it’s safe.” The door creaked open to reveal Tony as a stormtrooper. Surprisingly, the attire seemed to fit Tony.

“Now we just have to find Rey.”

After a few lefts and rights, they reached the cells. “The interrogation room has to be in this hallway.” The duo walked through the hallway silently, as each cell had some type of animalistic sound. It was so unsettling that Tony started to walk faster. Looking through each small window was a unique looking creature, some being droids. Until one particular room. (Y/N) stopped and squinted but it didn’t do any good.

Tony notices and stops walking, “C’mon (Y/N).” The playboy urged his partner to follow but she just continued staring. Someone was on a table - or chair - with two cuffs per arm. (Y/N) took a couple of strides and peered into the small window. A paleish brunette was on the table. Female, brunette, brown eyes, young...this must be her. 

“Tony, is that Rey?” Tony lightly pushed (Y/N) to the side and looked into the window. Finally!

                                           -

Kylo stared at the Darth Vader helmet with displeasure. He hated the outsiders with a passion. His plan would have worked out perfectly if they hadn’t come. “Supreme Leader, Lieutenant Natchios arrived-” And of course, Dopheld Mitaka walks in.

“You should have knocked, Lieutenant.” Kylo says dauntingly and slowly, enough for Mitaka to become awkward and wrap up the conversation.

“But she found the man you were looking for while she was on the way and now they’re both heading to the interrogation room...” Mitaka stops himself from speaking any further, worried about his leader’s next action. The raven-haired man stands and slowly turns around to face the Lieutenant.

“They’re here? Aboard the Finalizer?” He stands close enough to Mitaka, causing him to look down at his feet.

“Y-yes sir.” There was a moment of silence. Mitaka closed his eyes and expected for the worst. For a few moments, nothing happened.

“No need to alert the troopers. I’ll do this alone.”

                                          -

“Rey...wake up!” The sound of a male voice was heard within Rey’s surroundings. Rey blinked a couple of times before opening her eyes. Everything was a blur until she squinted. 

“Are you okay? We gotta move fast.” Tony and (Y/N) released the cuffs and lifted her up before they could make sure she could stand. The brunette woman stared at the (H/C) woman in confusion.

“Wait, aren’t you a Lieutenant?”

Before (Y/N) could respond, Tony interrupts. “She’s in disguise and we gotta go now!” Rey grabs her lightsaber that was on the far side of the room and follows Tony to the door. (Y/N) runs along with them but a sudden feeling stopped her. She didn’t know what. Whatever this feeling was, it wasn’t good. Something was beyond the door. Fear started to rush into (Y/N)’s head. She put her hand in her pocket and held the object that Poe gave her and clicked it. An impulsive decision.

“Stop.” With one word, the Jedi and the billionaire turned around in confusion.

“What?”

“W-We can’t go through there. Someone is there.” (Y/N) stutters. An image of a man in a dark cloak and mask was shown in (Y/N)’s head. Whoever that was, he was at the end of the hallway. How can I see this?! (Y/N) thought. 

“Wha...H-How do you know that?!” Tony laughs in disbelief and slight annoyance from how little progress has been made. (Y/N) on the other hand, she was distraught and scared.

“I just...know?” The (H/C) haired woman also sighs stressfully, not knowing how to describe it. Rey’s face contorts from confusion to shock. She knew exactly what she was talking about.

Before Rey could speak, the door hissed open. There stood the ginger from a few moments ago and a man with all black, just like the one (Y/N) envisioned. “Outsider.” (Y/N) felt a sudden pressure around her neck and choked. Kylo dragged her into his grasp as he raises his arm against her head. Rey and Tony advanced toward Kylo, resulting in Kylo making them stand in place. “(Y/N) (L/N)...” Kylo says but nothing else is said after. A few seconds later, his face contorts into anger. “You...are very...hard to read.” A look of realization appeared upon his face. “Stronger than I had predicted.”

A beam of light struck upon the group, causing everyone to fly back. As the beam of light disappeared, the figure was revealed. “Metal man, (Y/N), You. We’re heading back to Earth now.” The group runs towards Thor as he opens up the Bifrost.

“No!” Kylo runs into the Bifrost as the group went up into the rainbow road. Tony looks down at the long-haired man and blasts him but missed. Kylo held his hand out towards him but nothing happens. He does it again and again but still, nothing happened. “WHAT!?” Kylo roars as he looks at his hand with confusion and anger. In the moment of vulnerability, (Y/N) immediately takes out her pistol and shot at him.

The Supreme Leader flew his hand towards his shoulder, groaning at the slight pain. He quickly looks back up and proceeds to go up faster. “Blast him, Tony!” Tony did as he was told until a big white flash of light flashed everyone’s eyes.

                                         -

They landed in front of the Avengers base. “Wow, that was a fun...ride...” Rey trails off as she looks at the atmosphere around here. Green. A lot of Green. “So vibrant...”

As Tony guides Rey to base, (Y/N) strides to the God of Thunder. “Did he follow us, Thor?” (Y/N) whispers to Thor. Thor doesn’t answer and if Thor had to be completely honest about Ren, he didn’t know. The dirty-blonde haired man was reluctant to answer as he opened his mouth but only sighs, as it only brought more concern to (Y/N).

“Lady (Y/N), we will deal with the strange man later. We have the foreigner to deal with for now.” Thor smiles reassuringly trying to make the former assassin feel better. It didn’t help but she smiled back anyways.

“And where’s the rest of the crew?”

“They are inside. They have the gauntlet.” A wave of relief swept over (Y/N). As (Y/N) follows Thor inside, she couldn’t help but notice that the strange feeling she had had before was gone. Like it had never existed.

                                         -

Kylo gasps and quickly gets up and felt the cold air around his head. His mask was gone. “Shit.” He pats himself down until he felt his saber by his side and calmed down. Exhausted, he closed his eyes and put his arms by his side. Until a loud honk intruded his ears. Lifting his back up once again (as quickly as he could), his eyes landed on a landspeeder with wheels on them with very bright beams way too close to him. The landspeeder was also bright yellow with a big bold “T” on it and some type of arch on top with a...hologram on it?

“Get off the fucking road!” The man honked at Kylo as Kylo quickly ran to what he assumed was the safe side of the so-called “road”. As the Dark Jedi caught his breath, his eyes looked up. Where was he? Hundreds of lights reflected off of Kylo’s eyes. Are these holograms...? No, this is something different. The lights were on top some of the tallest buildings but not as tall as the buildings Kylo has seen. Kylo’s confused amazement was interrupted when a random person had bumped into him without even saying a word. Do they know who they just bumped into?

“Hey!” Kylo yelled and looked behind him, his hand darting to his weapon. His eyes widen in shock. Millions of civilians were walking around him, staring at his abnormal outfit for a second but then kept looking straight forward. Kylo completely forgot what the person looked like and just stood there. This is not my home world...What the hell was I doing before thi- His eyes darted at a hologram. In the biggest font, it said Home of the Avengers! Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! and below it were the people Kylo was looking for. “Tony Stark.” Kylo muttered venomously at the hologram.

“I know right? What an amazing guy!” A man stood next to Kylo, startling him. The man’s eyes were full of glee and hope as the hologram shone against his face yet his eyes weren’t facing the hologram. It was safe to assume that he was blind. His smile was the widest smile Kylo had seen in awhile. It was clear to the Supreme Leader that he wasn’t home. He looked below to see children and adults dressed as the beloved heroes. Where he was from, it was not safe to show if you were with the Resistance or First Order. From what he had seen, his enemies were the heroes of the world.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get to introduce myself. Matthew Murdock.” Matthew put his hand out to shake Kylo’s but Kylo had just stared at it. Was this a greeting? The vibe went from welcoming to awkward in just a couple of seconds. The brunette man put his hand in his pocket awkwardly.

“Kylo Ren.” Kylo spoke in a monotone voice. To Matthew, he could sense something unsettling about who he just met. Kylo suddenly grew angry towards his newly found acquaintance. He was supporting the wrong hero in battle. He grabbed Matthew by the collar. “Tell me what planet this is or I will execute you by my saber, Rebel scum.” He spat against his face.

Matthew, completely immune to Kylo’s attempt to be intimidating (due to the countless times Kingpin has done that), stayed calm but was also bewildered. “You’re on Earth and wherever you came from, you have no reason to be here.”

“No reason?” Kylo laughs a bit before becoming serious again, “It’s none of your business. ” He drops the blind man, making him fall to the ground. Kylo walks to the nearest alley and ignites his lightsaber, making sure it’s in perfect condition. As for The Force, Kylo couldn’t understand why it suddenly went away. Putting his saber away, he continued his quest to find The Avengers and crush them. Kylo smirked as he knew the so-called Avengers wouldn’t even see him coming.

But Matt Murdock had other plans.

@multi-madison @treestarrrrrrrr @holybatflapexpert @bonza-bear @ren-ni @reejero @bitch-imma-head-out @1-800-starmora @infinity-star-wars @tachibubu @kingbouji3

[my-brodie999-fan]

The Fats follows a evolved fox-rat family of 8 brothers and 1 sister as they fight a human mad scientist and other threats to humanity alongside their adaptive father/mentor, 2 human allies and other cross-animals in the distant future while trying to accept each other as family. Patriot Fat(voiced by James Arnold Taylor) is the “den-mother and leader of the team and is the most calm and experienced member, but hurt his family and he will hunt you down to the ends of the Earth. He is a hard-headed and serious cone, scolding his siblings when they don't follow orders. He is colored brown, blue pants, has a red belt, black gloves and boots and has blue eyes.

Wreck Fat(voiced by Nolan North) is the most angry and self-loathing loner of the group. He often argues with Patriot about who should be leader of the team. However, they will work together when the situation calls of it.He has intense arm firepower, wiping out enemies in a matter of seconds. He is coloured grey, speaks with a New Yorker accent, red pants, red belt and hazel eyes.

Engineer Fat(voiced by Yuri Lowenthal) is the kind-hearted, calm and gentle pacifist and inventor of the team. He is socially awkward and book smart so much so that his sibling cannot keep up with him. Even though he shows a greater interest in technology than his training, nevertheless, he will defend his family and fight his opponents when there is no other choice. He is also skeptical as he believes humans do not exist and that animals have always been the sole species of Earth. He has red eyes, has a mole on his right cheek, has a cyborg arm, has metallic yellow pants, a blue belt and is coloured silver.

Mischief Fat(Voiced by Mikey Kelley) is the most wild, funny, immature and party-loving surfer dude of the team. He loves riding on his hoverboards, fighting evil and is extremely creative with arts. He is also a member of the Prank Trio along with Runt and Bullsnark. He wants to be part of the human world and he will convince his family to do the same by any means necessary. He also serves as an unofficial second-in-command  whenever he comes up with brilliant plans that save the day or gets the Fats out of life-threatening situations, becoming the closest thing a team has to a second leader.He also has a sad side as he borders on depression as a result of spending years with his siblings and father on a island. He is coloured Yellow, has freckles, dark blue pants, a gold belt, has a beard at 16 years old and has green eyes.

Angel Fat(Voiced by Colleen O'Shaughnessy) is the smart, tomboyish, arrogant and independent tech support of the team and bit of a narcissist and will often bring on about her intelligence. As the only female member of the family, she always has the best of intentions. She is coloured yellow, has a gap between two of her front teeth and has green eyes. She is a great mathematician as she can easily hack into any computer data base by correctly guessing their security codes, Unlike the rest of her family(who wear pants, gloves(except for Buster, Engineer and Growly), shoes and are shirtless), she has blond hair, wears a Fat shirt, is coloured mix-purple/Yellow as a result from a lab accident, has a pink belt and gloves and blue shorts with sockings.

Buster Fat(voiced by Steve Blum) is the biggest and most strongest member of the family. He loves training all day and he hates it when his sibling interrupt him. However, he has a good heart and will go by any means to protect them. He also cares for normal animals, fighting to his last breath to save them. He is coloured green, speaks with a Brooklyn accent, has dark green pants, yellow belt, black boots and has golden eyes.

Runt Fat(voiced by Josh Keaton) is the most dim-witted and dizy, yet lovable member of the team. He’s been part of the Prank Trio since Day One and is often made fun of his stupidity by siblings, however when the situation is necessary, it ultimately proves to be his greatest strength. He is also something of a womaniser as he tries to say something to cross-animal females, but can't bring out the exact words and he is the most gullible of the family, causing him believe whatever lies are told to him, even causing him to betray his family, only to rejoin them in one of the future games. Nonetheless, he is one of the most purest cross-animals, never truely joining evil and always finding out to know the truth about himself and his family. He is coloured red and has one red eye and one hazel eye.

Bullsnark Fat(voiced by Roger Craig Smith) is the adventure-loving everyman slacker, jester-like and thrill-seeker who wishes to travel the world. He is sarcastic, playful and completely devoid of cynicism. He is also one of the member of the Prank Trio along with Mischief and Runt. He’s very loyal to his family and always stands up for them and keeps his promises despite his impulsive and impatient nature. He can be sentimental when villains threaten the world and won't stop until they're defeated and can provide tactical strategies. He is coloured orange, has black boots and gloves, yellow pants, a blue belt and has purple eyes.

Growly Fat(voiced by Trevor Devall) is the strict and irritable, yet caring and kind-hearted powerhouse who breaks up fights between the family. He is prone to anger when someone pranks or tricks him, but deep down, he loves his family very much. He was born somewhere in Mississippi and he is also a history junkie as he collects every newspaper, article and art of the world's history. He isn't fond of humans too much until much later on in the game. He is coloured blue, speaks with a Southern accent, dark grey pants, green belt, black boots, and has blue eyes.

Hopper Frog(voiced by Billy West) is the mean, brash, cocky, militaristic and demanding yet kind-hearted father of the Fats, but as the game progresses, he becomes a more supportive, caring and wise parental figure. He has a soft spot for children and he will be a role model to them whenever he sees them. At the beginning of the game, he is overprotective of the Fats, fearing they could die if they go into the human world, but throughout the game, he accepts that his children are teenagers now and he says that he is proud of them. He wears a green military uniform with no pants, speaks like a mad scientist and has brown eyes.

Sarah Stewart(voiced by Jennifer Hale) is the most beautiful, kindhearted and attractive teenage girl the Fats have ever known. She was abused in school and she has recently graduated from high school to apply for science. She can also sense betrayal in strangers she doesn't know. She is also an orphan as she lives with her aunt, uncle and their daughter. She is a blond teenage girl with pink sleeveless shirt and blue jeans. She also has light freckles on her nose and baby blue eyes.

Peter Braxton(voiced by Ben Diskin) is the comedic, shy and loyal sports player whose life is forever changed when he meets the Fats. He is like a modern-day Prince Charming and he has a crush on Sarah Stewart when he first sees her, but does not kiss her until the end of the first game, He also becomes best friends with Wreck and Growly throughout the game as they play hologram games together. He is also a pacifist as he lost his father in a flying car accident and starts campaigns and TV ads to prevent anyone from suffering the same fate. He is a black haired teenage boy with orange eyes, a sports jumper and brown pants.

Dr. Otto Jekyll(voiced by Mike Pollock) is a highly selfish, insane, cocky and arrogant mad scientist and the main antagonist of the series. He wants to end peace and liberty on Earth and will do it by gaining control of the world's governments, police and money. He is also a deceptional liar as he constantly lies to the Fats and their friends, trying to convince them that he can help people have more improved lives until the end of the first game when he reveals his true motives. He is an mildly obese man with balding brown hair with a goatee and a lab coat with red clothing and black and white rubber gloves and boots. He also has yellow eyes. Gaming Mechanics:

1. The video game series will be an open-world where you can play side-missions and help people in addition to the main story. You can also visit other countries in free-roam in the game.

2. You can use multiplayer as 4 of the each titular 9 Fats with the ability to change between the 8 other Fats until all 9 are all dead and the game resets.

3. You can have collectibles, art and unlock new weapons throughout each level of the game.

4. You can also play as the human characters Sarah Stewart and Peter Braxton in stealth missions.

5. Once you’ve completed the game, you can revisit any of the levels. So you won't have to worry getting through 13 hours without completing the entire game 100%.

6. As I said, you can fire weapons with 2 of the Fats, Engineer and Angel who are the tech support of the team while the rest of the team fight hand to hand.

7. The game will have the feel of a Disney movie , Thomas Perkins-like art, the art of Ratchet & Clank and the backgrounds of Young Justice and The Super Hero Squad while still rendered as a 3D dimensional video game.

And lastly, here’s the title for the prequel tie-in novel: The Raoxs: Animals of Science.

Series Outline:Set in an utopian future where all war, problems and disease has been wiped out, the Fats live on a peaceful island with their adaptive Frog father, Hopper Frang, but they have never truly accepted each other as family or understood their father’s lectures, even starting a war with one another once. On their 16th birthday, they are allowed to leave the island and venture into the Human world. But when a scientist named Dr. Otto Jekyll(a pun on the Dr. Jekyll character from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) becomes Dr. Peace-Destroyer and threatens to end the era of peace by conquering the world, the Fats are forced to come to term with their calling as a family and what it means to be heroes with the help of 17-year old science intern (smart blond) Sarah Stewart and 18-year old Sports player Peter Braxton.

This would be a Playstation 4 and Playstation 5-exclusive and would be rated E+10 for more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language, and/or minimal suggestive themes.

Do you want to see this video game series brought to life?

[badcowboy69]

Homeward Bound part 3

After long last I finally got this continuation of my saga where my courier six, Travis Blackfox, travels to Arizona with his partner, Riley White, to try and find his parents.  The emotional part of this story was a bit difficult to write as I really couldn’t relate or put into proper words, but hopefully I did well on it.  Story posted under the Read More thing as always since it’s long.  

Hope y’all enjoy it and if you need to start from the beginning....

part one        part two��      Enjoy! 

@zoey-and-dakota  sorry I kept you waiting for so long!   Hope you like it!

The walk towards the house had Travis feel as if he were in a surreal dream where everything moved painfully slow.  He did his best to keep the flood of emotions at bay by concentrating on the crunching of gravel beneath his black boots.  With each step he took the crunching seemed to get louder until it was an almost deafening roar in his ears.  However, it still wasn’t loud enough to block out his fears and concerns.  

What if they don’t care I’m back?  What if they don’t approve of my relationship with Riley?  What am I even going to say to them?  Howdy, nice to see y’all again! Sorry if I don’t remember who the fuck you are let alone your names.  What if...he flinched and forced that thought and any others out of his head. He remembered what Riley said earlier about the ‘what if’ stuff and it was a very valid point.  There was no use in worrying about things that might not even be an issue.

As they continued forward, Riley felt a discomforting pressure on his hand as Travis suddenly squeezed it tightly.  Giving his partner a sideways glance, Riley asked if he was alright.  The question went unanswered for a few long seconds before Travis numbly nodded.  The courier then vaguely heard Riley ask if he wanted to stop a moment, but Travis shook his head while still keeping his gaze fixated on the ground.  “Can’t stop...gotta face this and get it over with...been buggin’ me way too long,” Travis admitted uneasily as the butterflies in his stomach seemed to intensify.

Sooner than expected, the pace abruptly slowed and Travis felt Riley’s hand release his.  This simple action caused a shudder to surge down his spine and pace to falter almost causing him to stumble.  Lifting his head, Travis turned to stare at his partner, eyes wide.  

“It’s ok.  I’m right here,” Riley said as soothingly as he could, noticing the slight panic in Travis’ eyes.  Riley truly didn’t want to disconnect from him, but this was something Travis needed to face on his own.  There was also the fact that the Blackfoxes might not know about Travis being a confirmed bachelor.  The last thing Riley wanted to do was cause more tension on top of this already emotionally charged encounter.

An anxious knot now formed in Travis’ stomach.  It felt as if a great weight was pressing down on his shoulders and his lungs were filling with cotton.  A bead of sweat rolled down from under his hat, along his cheek and jaw until it got to his goatee where it seemingly vanished from the world.  Travis absently rubbed his whiskered chin and swallowed hard to try and keep his nerves in check.  However, the longing for the whiskey bottle he knew was resting on the floor of his car teased his thoughts and he licked his parched lips.

It wasn’t long before Travis noticed Riley stopped walking and was standing a few feet behind him. Travis instantly knew that his long journey had finally come to an end.  With that realization, Travis halted and began kicking at the gravel with the pointed toe of his boot all while keeping his gaze to the ground.  This is it, he thought while taking a calming breath and hooking the thumb of his right hand in the belt loop of his jeans.  

Mustering up his courage,Travis tilted his head to the side and slowly looked up from under the brim of his hat.  He squinted in the sunlight at the cowboy and his wife standing in the shade of the porch.  He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, maybe a flood of remembrance or some sort of recognition, as he stared up at them.  However, none of that happened and he felt awkward looking at the eager faces of two strangers.  Not knowing what he should say or do, he forced a nervous grin and drawled a soft, “H-howdy.”

The world seemed to have come to a standstill where not even the wind dared to blow.  Rex picked up on the nervous energy in the air and he sat down near Travis’ feet, whining and feebly wagging his tail.  Travis glanced at him for a moment, but quickly lifted his eyes back up hearing a soft gasp come from the direction of the porch.  The sound came from the woman who was standing next to the stoic black-clad cowboy.  

The blonde woman pulled from her husband’s embrace, her hands moving up to cover her mouth, daring not to believe her boy was alive.  Taking a tentative step forward and down the stairs, Tracy continued to stare in disbelief at the lanky courier standing a mere five feet away from her.  Although it’s been close to ten years since Travis has gone missing, not much about him has changed looks wise.  His body might have filled out slightly now that he wasn’t trekking through the desert on deliveries.  His hair might be shorter and his skin a little tanner, but he still looked exactly the same.  Riley observed those subtle differences when he saw the photo on Travis’ courier ID so most certainly Tracy did too.  Regardless of changes, no matter how subtle or strong, a mother will always know her child.  Travis could be shaved bald and painted blue, but his mother would still know him. 

“Travis?” she asked nervously, a soft waver to her voice.  “Travis, is it...is it really you and this ain’t some cruel dream?” 

Taking a deep breath, Travis gave a short nod. “A’yup,” he softly replied as he forced himself to give her a crooked grin.

A long moment of silence followed and Tracy stared at her son daring not to blink in case he’d vanish from her life once again.  Long minutes passed until her mind finally accepted this was no dream.  She tentatively reached out as if to touch his cheek, but instead gave a joyful cry and Travis found himself in a bone-crunching embrace.  “Travis!  My Travis!  It’s really you!  You’re alive!” she exclaimed, sobbing against his chest while clutching his red shirt tightly to keep him near.  She lost him once, she wasn’t about to lose him again.

Travis was froze in place completely unsure on what he should do or even what he should feel.  On one hand he was glad he finally found his parents and it was obvious they were happy he was alive.  However, they were completely unknown to him and this encounter had him feeling out of place and lost.  He glanced over to Riley who was biting anxiously at his thumbnail.  Travis mouthed “What do I do?” to him when he suddenly felt a firm hand clamp hard on his shoulders.  He then found himself being yanked from the woman’s arms and into the strong grip of the cowboy who was previously at her side on the porch.

“My boy!” Dante exclaimed as he released Travis’ shoulders and pulled him into yet another bone-crunching hug.  Fortunately it only lasted a few seconds and Travis again found himself clutched tightly by the shoulders and held out at arm’s length.  “Let me get a good gander at’cha, son!”  However, the joy in Dante’s eyes quickly extinguished as he stared at the blank, no emotional attachment look Travis was giving him.  “Ya really ain’t got a clue who’n the hell we are, do ya?” the black-clad cowboy asked in disappointment.

Travis felt dread fill his entire being as he knew this was going to happen.  He saw the couple’s happy smiles vanish and were instantly replaced by those of heartbreak and concern.   “N-no, sir,” he muttered sadly while instinctively pulling away and gravitating towards Riley seeking out the comfort he knew he’d find there.  “It...it’s awfully nice to finally meet y’all, though.”  Travis flinched and inwardly groaned at how stupid that sounded.

Stepping forward and gently touching Travis’ face, Tracy looked up into his crystal blue eyes and frowned while the tears continued to trail down her cheeks.  The empty look he gave as if she were a complete stranger stabbed her right through the heart.  “It’s all true what your friend said, ain’t it?  You done lost all your memories ‘cause you got shot and...and...k-killed?” she choked on the last word and bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. 

Travis nodded slowly and kicked at the dirt with the point of his boot.  “Yes’m...ain’t lost everything though, but...enough.  It’s a big story to tell and I can only go by what I was told and all.  Y’all ain’t gonna like most of what you hear, but I reckon with me being alive y’all know it at least ended good,” he chuckled weakly while rubbing the back of his neck.   

“Oh,Travis!  Who could have done such a thing to you?  Why?  Why would anyone shoot you?”  Tracy sobbed as she fought the urge to gather him up in her arms and cry against his chest.   

“Who’s the son-of-a-bitch?  I’ll kill’em with my bare hands!” Dante interjected as his arms bent at the elbows close to his side with fingers wide-spread in a stereotypical gunslinger stance.

Smirking, Travis glanced over at his father.  “Ain’t gotta.  I done killed the man myself,” he casually stated.  “Took some searching, but I took care of him.”  

Dante’s scowl suddenly changed into a matching smirk and he stared proudly at his son.  “Didja now?  That’s my boy!” he exclaimed while giving Travis a congratulatory thump on the back.  

The somber mood temporarily broken, Tracy took a deep breath to calm herself.  Mustering up a smile she began to wipe away her tears.  “Listen, y’all drove a long ways to get here and I’m sure y’all are probably hungry and thirsty.  How’s about we head inside and I’ll get us all something cool to drink?  I can show you around some or you can share your story whenever you’re ready.  Does that sound good?”

Dante nodded in agreement to his wife’s proposal and he stepped forward to embrace her and steal a quick kiss.  “First I’m gonna go inform the staff I won’t be finishing up the day’s chores.  This is a little more important than shoveling shit.”  Giving his wife another kiss, Dante turned towards his son while shaking his head in amazement.  “Wonderful to have ya back, Travis.”  Touching his fingers to the brim of his hat, he gave a nod to Riley and strode towards the house and vanished inside.

“Come on in, fellas,” Tracy grinned as she eagerly climbed the stairs, following after her husband.  “Just make yourselves at home and I'll rustle up some drinks.”

When the screen door banged shut leaving him alone with his partner, Travis let out the breath he’s been holding for too long.  He removed his hat and rubbed his face with his free hand.  “Fuck.”

Riley arched an eyebrow and stepped closer to him.  “How you holding up?” he asked while placing his hand on Travis’ shoulder and giving a tender squeeze.  “Is everything ok?”

Travis nodded and wiped the sweat off his brow with his shirt sleeve.  “A’yup.  Overwhelmed I reckon.  I mean, it’s exciting and scary and confusing all at the same time.  Part of me wants to look around and see if anything triggers a memory, another part wants them to tell me all about my past, and another part wants to go with you back to town and get drunk.  I really don’t know what direction to think.”

“Take your time.  It’s a lot to take in.  I can’t even pretend to know how you must be feeling now.  The hardest part is over I think.  Your parents are completely overjoyed that you’re alive and back in their lives.  Hopefully the rest of this visit will go easier.”

“Maybe,” Travis shrugged while reaching for Riley’s hand, but hesitated and decided against it.  Placing his hat back on his head, Travis made his way towards the porch with Rex close at his heels.  “Stay out here, bud,” he directed at the dog while giving him an affectionate scratch on the ears.  “Don’t know how they’d feel having a critter in the house.  Go explore and maybe find yourself some new friends.  We’ll catch up later.”

The dog looked up at him and gave a sad whine.  He turned towards Riley almost as if looking for approval from the redhead instead, but was ignored as the man was staring intently at his mate.  Making a soft huff, the cyberdog gave Travis’ hand a lick before bounding off back towards the car while stopping to sniff things along the way. 

“Here goes nothing,” Travis muttered while slowly climbing the stairs.  When Travis’ feet touched the worn wood of the porch, he locked his knees.  His stomach clenched in excitement, but still he hesitated, unsure on what he should do or if he was even able to go forward with this.

Placing a gentle hand on Travis’ back, Riley felt him stiffen then relax at his touch.  “I'm right here, babe.  Are you ready?” 

Wordlessly, Travis nodded and pushed open the screen door.  He flinched at the metallic squeak it made and took his first step into the house.  At first he stood in the doorway, his crystal blue eyes scanning the room briefly before taking a few more steps inside.  Once his eyes adjusted to the dim surroundings, he began to slowly wander around the living room.  To the left was the dining room and kitchen and to his right was a hallway no doubt leading to the bedrooms and bathroom. 

Keeping his focus on the living room, Travis was impressed at how neat and organized everything was.  He marveled at the decor which was mostly typical of the times and place.  Many wood carvings and handmade crafts adorned the walls, end tables and shelves.  As fascinating everything was and piquing his curiosity, he found himself gravitating towards the fireplace.  Hanging over the mantle were large horns of some kind, their tips looked very sharp and Travis furrowed his brow wondering what kind of animal they could even be from.  Under the horns was a bracket holding a worn shotgun that has seen better days.  A small wood and brass clock was centered on the mantle and it was surrounded by a various assortment of pictures in frames.  As he looked them over, Travis’ heart seemed to have stopped as most of the pictures featured him either alone or with his parents.

Frowning deeply, Travis looked closely at the photos before choosing one of interest.  He stared hard at it, his mind working frantically trying to find some shard of remembrance.  The scene was of he and his parents standing outside of the Mojave Express building.  All had happy smiles and Travis looked excited to be there.  “This is way too weird,” he muttered, not taking his eyes off the picture when Riley stepped to his side.  “I mean...that’s me!  This one is probably my first day as a courier or something, but I ain’t got any recollection about it at all.”  

As he continued to scan the framed photographs, he stopped at another.  This time it was him on top of a bucking bighorner.  Travis couldn’t help the confused chuckled that came from his throat.  “Ok, this is too surreal now.  This I do remember.  Did this during the run at the Big Circle.”

Riley smiled hopefully with Travis recognizing something, but then realized it was yet again another memory outside of his home and family.  “I recall you mentioning this story.  It’s amazing there’s a photo to go along with it.  Are there any other pictures here you might remember?”

Travis shook his head at the rest which were random scenes during his childhood or with his parents.  “Naw...not these anyways.  Looks like I had a good growing up at least.  Woulda been nice to still have these memories around.”  Frowning, he placed the bighorner picture back on the shelf.  Picking up another frame, Travis gave a nod to it.  “I mean lookit this,” he said sadly while showing it to Riley.  “Here I am playing a guitar with a bunch of other folks, including my father.  Looks like some kind of fun party with everyone enjoying the music, but I ain’t got one damn clue what it all is about let alone who these people are.”

There was frustration growing in Travis’ voice now and Riley knew he was getting overwhelmed trying to process everything.  Riley noticed Travis’ hand shaking slightly and he took the frame from him and set it back on the mantle.  “Don’t stress yourself, Travis.  Try and relax.  Come on, let’s take a seat.”  

Giving a soft grunt in agreement, Travis sat down heavily on the couch and began to absently scratch his fingernail over the faded flower print pattern.  Riley took a seat next to him and gave Travis’ knee a squeeze.  “Pretty nice house, don’t you think?” he asked in hopes to get Travis to focus on something else other than lost memories and photographs.  “I can’t wait to see the outside and what kind of animals and crops your folks are raising.  What about you?”

Numbly nodding, Travis pushed his hat off his brow and sighed.  “Yeah.  Could be nice.  Little stuffy in here, though, but ain’t nothing I can’t get used to,” he chuckled weakly realizing how spoiled he became from living in the air conditioned coolness of the Lucky 38.  “At least they got ceiling fans.”  

“Here we go, dears!” Mrs. Blackfox suddenly announced while entering the room bringing two bottles of water and plates with some kind of pie on them.  “Hope y’all like mutfruit pie.  Made it up yesterday.  Thought to do something a little different than the typical apple.”

“Much obliged, ma’am,” Travis quietly replied while taking a plate and bottle from his mother.

She smiled faintly at his politeness and handed the remaining items to Riley.  “Travis, your father is on his way back and thankfully alone.  I was scared he’d be tailed by Tim and Brad, our ranch hands.  They have worked for us ever since you were a little boy and saw you grow up and truly mourned your loss so many years ago.”  Tracy sighed wistfully and took a seat on a blue fabric chair next to the fireplace.  “I do know they’re going to be champing at the bit to come and see you, so just a fair warning on what’s probably going to come later on.”

Travis grimaced and took a deep swallow of his water.  Great, more people I won’t know that know me, he thought glumly while he began to absently flick his fingers against the glass bottle.  

His mother mustered up a smile and gave a nod towards him.  “I see that you still flick at bottles when you’re really pondering something.  Don’t be nervous, Travis.  I’m quite sure your father told them to stay away until you’re ready to see them.”

Arching an eyebrow, Travis suddenly grew self-conscious and stopped flicking the bottle.  He felt even more awkward now and wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to these people knowing things about him when he had no clue about them himself.  

The abrupt bang of the back door sounded through the house indicating Dante had returned.  “Dang, those idjits were too excited hearing the news,” Dante called out from the kitchen to anyone listening.  “Told ‘em to relax and do their work.  Told ‘em maybe we’ll see ‘em after dinner.”  The lanky cowboy strode into the room clutching a beer and dragging a wooden chair behind him from the dining area.  Placing the chair next to his wife, he took a seat, twisted the cap off the bottle and took a long guzzle practically emptying it in one go.  “I miss anything?” he asked, his pale eyes going from his wife to his son then back to his wife again.

“No,” Tracy responded.  “To be honest, I’m really not sure where to start.  Isn’t that silly?  I mean, almost ten years thinking my only son was dead and gone and here he is back home and in my company and I have no clue on what to say.”

Travis frowned deeply and swirled the contents of his bottle before downing the remainder of his water.  “How do you think I feel?” he muttered while stuffing a forkful of pie in his mouth.  “Ah hell, sorry, that sounded rude.  I...it’s just all of this is so dang confusing for me.”    

“I understand.  I got my own bit of confusion myself,” Tracy replied as her husband took her hand and entwined their fingers together.  She felt tears welling up in her eyes once again, but did her best to hold them back.  “I have lots of questions, way more than you can probably handle right now.  Still, you’re in charge of the pacing, Travis.  Take your time.  Tell what you want and what you’re comfortable with.  The important thing is you took the first big step and are sitting here with us now.”

“Dang, she sounds like you,” Travis nervously snickered to Riley making his partner blink behind his glasses and blush.  Removing his hat, Travis ran his fingers through his hair before placing the hat on his lap.  “Reckon I might as well start at the beginning on what I can remember before I got shot and what I was told about it afterwards.  After that things get a little crazy and unbelievable at times, but like I said earlier, y'all know it ended good.”

Taking a deep, calming breath, Travis began telling his somber tale.  He started with what he was able to remember on his arrival in Nevada for the all important delivery to New Vegas.  He recalled making camp for the night and that someone approached him asking if he had any caps to spare.  “Right as I gave him the caps I got whacked from behind and everything went black.  Was told later by my savior that I was found in a cemetery where I had been shot in the head and left for dead in a shallow grave.”  

Hearing those horrid details caused Mrs. Blackfox to loudly gasp, cover her mouth with her hands and begin crying again.  Dante frowned and gathered her up in his arms.  “Shush, love, it's ok,” he said soothingly while stroking her hair.  “Travis said it himself, at least you know the ending is good.”  His wife nodded against him, but still kept her face buried against his shoulder and sobbed.

Travis squirmed uncomfortably seeing his mother cry and he wished to be anyplace else but here.  He twitched his moustache and gave a side glance to Riley who gave him an empathetic smile.  Clearing his throat, Travis adjusted his position on the couch and waited patiently for his mother to calm down.  

Realizing she was carrying on and that Travis had stopped his tale, Tracy pulled from her husband and nervously laughed.  “S-sorry about that.  It’s just...wow.  I know the wasteland is a harsh place, but I never would have thought someone could be so horrible to someone like that.  You were being kind to boot!  What was all the fuss about?  Why would they even do such a horrible thing?”

“Had no answer right then,” Travis responded with a shrug.  “When I came to, a fella named Doc Mitchell was at my side and explained what happened to me.  He was amazed I finally woke up and all.  He then did some random questions to see how my brain was doing and stuff.  I had to relearn a few things as time went on like buttoning my shirt and how to shoot a gun, but the doc told me I made a complete recovery.  He was a bit unhappy I couldn’t remember my family or where I came from, but said if I was lucky, maybe it’ll come back in due time.  Once I recovered enough to his approval, the doc gave me some supplies and things for my trip to New Vegas.  I was accompanied by the robot that dug me out of the grave and got me to Goodsprings.  Honestly, I would have preferred to stay in that little town and see if any memories come back, but for some reason I felt I had to meet the person that hired me and get some answers first.  Also figured he might be able to help me find the ass who shot me so I could return the favor of a bullet to the noggin.”

By now, Travis’ throat was starting to get parched and he began to long for a beer or, better yet, that whiskey he knew was waiting for him on the floor of his car.  Almost as if reading his mind, Tracy held up her hand and suggested, “Now might be a good time to pause your story, Travis.  I think we all could use a drink.”  

Travis breathed a sigh of relief and pressed his back against the couch cushions.  He was quickly becoming mentally drained and wanted to disappear somewhere with Riley and melt into his embrace.  There was nothing Travis hated more than being the sole focus of attention.  Being in center stage was bad enough, but everything else wrapped around this emotionally charged situation was really taking its toll on him.  He also knew that his telling of the last few years was only the beginning.  There was no doubt going to be plenty of questions asked afterwards.  Couple that with being shown around later and meeting more people that were once part of his life only added to his anxieties.  “Shit,” Travis softly groaned and nervously ran his fingers through his hair, wondering if this trip was even a good idea. 

Fortunately Mrs. Blackfox returned before Travis’ nerves got the best of him.  She was carrying three mason jars, a bottle of Sunset Sarsaparilla and a large, brown jug.  “Figured y’all might need something a little stronger than water or beer for that matter.  This is my husband’s make of moonshine.  Got a good kick to it, but goes down nice and smooth,” she explained while handing over the jars and filling them two fingers high with the alcohol.  Setting the jug on the coffee table, she returned to her seat and handed the third jar to her husband.  “Drink up, fellas.  Hope y’all like it.”

Travis briefly sniffed the contents and detected a hint of cinnamon mixed over the sharp alcohol scent.  He quirked an eyebrow at his father who gave him a wink before downing his own portion of liquor in seconds flat.  Twitching his moustache, Travis took a bigger mouthful than he probably should have and coughed.  “Hoo dang, you ain’t kidding!  This sure does got a kick to it!” he coughed again and felt his eyes begin to water.  

Seeing his partner’s reaction to the liquor, Riley took a more moderate sip from his jar.  An impressed smile danced on his lips and he nodded in appreciation.  “Wow, this is really, really good!  It has the distinct flavor that sort of reminds me of apple pie from back home.  My compliments to you, Mister Blackfox.”

“Please, y’all can call me Dante.  Ain't no need to be so formal.  We're all family here,” the black-clad cowboy casually replied while giving Riley a knowing look which caused the redhead suddenly feel his cheeks burn with a blush.  Seeing Riley’s subtle reaction made Dante narrow his eyes and grin all the more, but he refrained from saying anything else.  

Not catching went on between Riley and Dante, Travis cleared his throat and continued onwards with his story.   He briefly talked about the days he and the securitron, Victor, traveled through the Mojave heading to New Vegas.  Once at his destination, he met the being by the name of Mister House who resided in the well guarded casino, the Lucky 38.  Here Travis got all his questions answered and was even offered a huge reward if he would continue what he was originally hired for.  “He wanted some dumb doohickey called a platinum chip.  Said it was gonna help restore peace to the Mojave and bring New Vegas back to its glory.  Well, best it could all things considered,” Travis smirked while taking another mouthful of moonshine.  

“House said as a reward for going above and beyond helping him I could live in the luxury of the casino for as long as I like even after the mission was over.  I could have anything I wanted and had tons of caps at my disposal.  I didn't care too much about that sorta thing, but I ain't stupid and agreed.”

By now, Travis was steadily starting to feel more relaxed with the telling of his tale.  However, he was certain most of it was due to the liquor he was consuming.  Still, he wasn't exactly happy discussing the events that lead up to tracking his assassin, Benny, to the Legion camp at Fortification Hill.  Much to the delight of his father, Travis hastily discussed his dispatching Benny in the Legion fighting arena.  This deadly battle had to be done.  It was the only way to prove his worth to Caesar.  Being victorious he was granted permission to head to the underground bunker where Mister House previously instructed him to go once he obtained the Platinum Chip.  However, what came after, Travis gave a ten cent version so to speak.  He hated the army of robots that he was forced to activate and hated that he was now going to be in the middle of something much greater than his original job of delivering a simple package. 

To prevent his parents thinking he was some sort of super hero or vengeful maniac, Travis talked about all the allies he gained at this point.  They were all valuable friends ranging from the Great Khans to the Boomers to the Enclave Remnants to the Brotherhood of Steel who aided him in the upcoming battle.  He also briefly mentioned his NCR 1st Recon companion, Craig Boone.  However, he omitted the short affair they had for more than one reason, but mostly it was something he wanted to forget himself.  Travis also assured his parents that during the final battle he oversaw everything in the safety of a control room inside of Hoover Dam.  Fortunately the battle was over quickly as Caesar’s army couldn’t defend itself to the crippling blow Mister House’s Securitrons delivered from inside the Fort.  Travis’ allies also lent their hands delivering crushing blows to the Legion army.  As a result the tyranny of Legion threat was finally over. 

Travis was beyond drained now and wearily sighed while helping himself to another serving of moonshine.  To him his tale of adventure was done and he tried to think of a way to tie it all up in completion.  “When the dust settled, Mister House, my robot army, and myself made it known to the NCR we’re taking over and they need to get out of Dodge so to speak.  They weren’t happy, but they had no choice.  After the NCR cleared out and all, I continued to live in the casino and work with Mister House on restoring New Vegas and the surrounding areas best as the wasteland could offer.  We still got an uneasy collaboration, but he’s been quite pleased with all I got done and suggested.  I reckon I sorta am too.”  Travis took a sip of his drink and stifled a yawn with a dismissive wave signaling he was finally done with telling his saga.  “Obviously got lots more years after to talk about, but that's for another time.”

All through Travis’ story, the Blackfoxes sat in wide-eyed wonderment hearing all their son had not only gone through, but accomplished.  Now that his tale was complete, they continued to sit in almost stunned silence until Dante let out a low whistle.  “Holy shit!  Ya know, we heard about the battle and stuff over the radio, but they ain’t never gave a name or nothin’.  Who’da thunk it was my own son that what did all that stuff?”

“Oh, if only the radio announcer said your name!” Tracy chimed in with sadness in her voice.  “Had they mentioned your name we would have known you were alive!  Might have been able to find a way to travel to New Vegas or even get a message to you...and even if we couldn’t do those things just knowing you were alive…” she trailed off and bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling from that realization.  

Travis frowned deeply and cast his eyes to the floor.  It was per his request to radio announcer, Mister New Vegas, and anyone else picking up the story, to please keep his name out of it.  He wanted the anonymity as he really didn’t see the need to get shoved into celebrity status especially over something like a battle.  He never even considered news of his exploits might have traveled far from Vegas anyway let alone here in Arizona  If he knew having his name out there would have prevented the heartache and pain thinking their son was dead, Travis most certainly would have done so.  Having that realization made Travis’ heart sink and he felt even worse than he already did about all the sorrows he put his parents through all these years.

Thankfully before he had a chance to dwell too much on things he couldn’t change, a banging could be heard sounding from the back door followed by a man’s voice calling, “Dante!  Hey, Dante!  I know yer busy with yer boy, but we got ourselves a situation out here and we need help!”

Dante rolled his eyes and groaned.  “Goddammit...I figured this was gonna happen.  Those boys ain’t got no clue how to operate nothing without me half the time.  Reckon I might as well give those idjits a hand.  Got some amazing stories to tell ‘em anyways about…”

“Hold your steeds there, honey,” Tracy interrupted with a laugh.  “Don’t go firing them up too much!  We got important guests that come first.  You know those boys’ll want to start busting out the drinks and food and have a big party right as the sun sets all the way 'til it comes up again!”

“What’s wrong with that?  We got a grand reason to celebrate!”  Dante exclaimed getting a playful shove from his wife in return.

“That we do, but I think Travis has been through enough excitement for today...in fact all of us have.  Besides, I have to start making dinner anyways.  It’s getting late.”

Dante nodded and gave his wife a light kiss on her lips.  “Sounds good.  I’ll go see what those fellas got into and I’ll be back in time for chow.”  The lanky cowboy stepped to the couch, smiled proudly down at Travis and clamped a hand on his shoulder.  “Sorry, I gotta scoot outta here so fast, but it was great hearing your story.  It was really somethin’ else.  Great ta have ya back, son.  Cain’t wait to show ya around and keep catchin’ up with ya.”  Giving a grateful nod to Riley, he added, “Much obliged to you for bringing him home.  I owe ya one.”  Dante then patted his son’s shoulder on last time, turned on his heel and loped out of the room.

With the previous mention of food, Travis’ stomach impulsively growled.  Standing quickly, he placed his black cowboy hat on his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.  “Well, this was great and all and I don’t want to sound rude, but I am getting rather hungry myself.  We saw an eatery back in town and I think we should head out and get some chow right quick.  I can bring y’all something back if you like?  This way you ain’t gotta cook since I took up lots of your time.”

“Heading out?  Absolutely not!  You came all this way to find your past and what kind of mother would I be telling her only child he can’t stay for dinner?  Travis, you and Riley are welcome to join us and I’d be downright insulted if y’all say no!”

Travis swallowed hard at the invitation.  He had assumed she would offer dinner to them, but now that the words actually left her lips, he was at a bit of a loss.  He looked helplessly at Riley, his mouth refusing to work properly.  However, getting an affirmative nod from his partner seemed to have somehow gave him that push he needed.  “Well...if you insist.  I mean I don’t wanna put y’all out or nothing.”

“Nonsense!  I always end up making more than enough food as it is.  At least this time whatever leftovers we got won’t be getting tossed out for the coyotes.  Then it’s settled.  There’s a bathroom down the hall if y’all want to get washed up first.”  Mrs. Blackfox sighed and stared in amazement at her back-from-the-dead son with tears glistening in her eyes.  “It truly is a miracle that you are here, Travis.  You can’t even imagine what the last bunch of years were like for us.  We even kept your room exactly how you left it on that day you left for New Vegas.  It’s the second door down the hall on the left.”  Wiping at her eyes to prevent the tears from spilling over, Tracy took a deep breath and did her best to compose herself.  “Now if you do excuse me, I’m gonna go and get dinner started.  See you boys in a bit.”   

As she exited the room, Travis groaned and released the breath he was holding.  “Shit.  Didn’t think this was going to be so dang exhausting,” he complained.  “Feels like I got a pregnant brahmin sitting on my chest.”

“You’re doing perfectly fine, babe,” Riley gently replied while he took Travis by his wrist.  “Now, let’s go check out that room of yours and see if you can discover any long forgotten memories.” 

to be continued...

[zippdementia]

Part 67 Alignment May Vary: Welcome to Hell

The players awaken and everything is messed up.

You all wake up to the sound of a repetitive blaring horn. Each of you is in a tube whose purpose is not immediately clear. Behind you is soft padding and in front of you is a see through cover made of some kind of hard glass. The world beyond this cover is darkness punctuated by frequent bursts of light that seem to come in time with the blaring horns. The light illuminates a large room.

It takes a moment for them to remember where they are. Once they do, they realize a very long time has passed and the spaceship is in trouble, about to crash land on a mysterious red planet and currently being bombarded by asteroids in an asteroid belt a computer tells them is “The River Styx.” Bob and Fiona are broken and rusted, and there’s no time to figure out what went wrong here. The players flee to the ship’s escape pods, only to have the hull of the ship breached and Aldric almost sucked out when he fails his saving throw. He makes it, but Blackrazor is ripped from his back and spins into space, lost.

All of you are tossed back and forth against the walls of the escape pod as it tumbles and twists and turns, spinning incessantly until you think your body will be crushed from the force of it. You can hear a roar and outside of the pod’s single window you can see heat and flame building up around the outside of your small circular craft. Then there is a mighty, sickening jolt and you are thrown one more time against the wall as everything finally goes still. The door to the pod slides open and a mechanical voice brokenly states “Thank you and have a safe journey” before an explosion of static cuts it short.

You emerge from the broken pod and clamber out onto red rock. The pod has come to rest on a high shelf overlooking a vast red landscape, a maze of dry canyons and valleys that stretches to the horizon. And on that horizon is a massive city scape, so large you cannot see where it ends. It literally encompasses the entire line of the horizon from left to right and though it is very far away, you can already see it is constructed of massive towering structures, like no city you’ve ever come across in your life or heard tell of before. A wind blasts across the landscape, stirring up red dust clouds and pulling at the fabric of your clothes.

At this point in the campaign, we are off book and running my own material. I’ve always wanted to do a planar adventure in Dungeons and Dragons. The possibilities such a campaign offers are exciting, though I have not found many official (or even unofficial) adventures set in the planes. And the ones I have always feel a little... I don’t know... standard. Like they just took the same kind of adventure you’d see in a normal campaign and themed it with different creatures.

For my planar campaign (which I am working on releasing on DMs Guild), I wanted something far more outside the box. Just as the characters are having the boundaries of their worlds stretched, I think the players need to have the boundaries of what they think of as a DND game stretched, too.

So the first thing I’ve changed is that these planes are literally planets, not planes. That lets me throw in a touch of sci fi for a nice spelljammer element. And the first of those planets to be explored is Planet Hell.

Encounter: The Hell’s Angels

The first big encounter here is against four biker devils, a Bone Devil (named Bones), a Bearded Devil (named Beards), a Barbed Devil (named... Cisco, which was supposed to be funny, but now I wish I’d just kept it Barbs, so let’s call him Barbs), and an Imp (Larry). These guys are straight out of Easy Rider, leather jackets and all, and they ride hovering jet bikes. The set up here is that they will attack the players and this will result in a jet bike chase through a maze like canyon full of dangers and driving challenges. While all this is going on, a meteor storm that hits Hell every day is about to start and the players will literally have to outrace the storm to make it to the safety of the world city of the Nine Circles (which is protected by a magic/science shield. Helping them in this endeavor is Alyss, a young blonde punk rocker looking chick who rides in on her own jetbike and warns the players that the biker gang is coming to investigate their crash site.

This encounter ends up being so much fun in so many ways.

First of all, the players don’t want to meet the biker’s head on. So Imoaza decides to use disguise self to look like a devil herself and pretend like she’s captured Carrick, who will then launch a surprise attack. She rolls a high success on her disguise and ends up looking like a classic red satan devil you’d get at a costume store, goatee and all. She also speaks Fiendish, as it happens, so she is able to really complete the disguise. It works and she doesn’t discard the disguise for the whole encounter. This ends up being absolutely ridiculous. Read on.

Beards tries to insult Carrick by peeing on him with a devil’s penis that looks like a living lobster and pisses acid and this is when Carrick launches his surprise attack, the other players joining him shortly.

Early on in the fight, Barbs and Bones escape, Bones dragging Imoaza’s red devil face along the ground until she is too dazed to fight him. He then blasts into the canyon, closely pursued by Alyss on her own personalized jet bike with Aldric riding shotgun and wielding a grenade launcher Alyss tosses him. Imoaza steals Larry’s tiny bike and rides after them, but for the life of her, she cannot roll well enough to figure out how to use the bike well. And while all this is going on, a meteor storm has begun to crash down around them. So what you end up getting is this ridiculous red satan devil (who is really Imoaza) cruising backwards on a hoverbike, screaming in terror as she races into the canyon just barely outrunning a meteor storm.

We honestly think this is the end of Imoaza. I’ve set up challenges the players must face to navigate the canyon and hers ends up being a leap over a wide chasm. With the way she’s been rolling... but then, against all odds, she rolls a critical success on this jump, and it looks a little like this...

The silence surrounding the chasm is broken suddenly by a shrill cry, like a plea for help, and rocketing into view comes a tiny hoverbike, clinged to by a tall red devil with a jet black goatee hanging beneath a mouth open in a wide scream. The Devil is ridiculously large a top the miniscule bike and Every part of his body that can grip something is gripping the bike: knees, buttucks, hands clenched on the seat of the motorcycle, his tall shape crouched low and terrified... and backwards... over the bike as it speeds its way without stopping towards the chasm. This is the end for the devil for sure. Except just before the bike takes its fatal dive, it hits a rock and is tilted upwards and suddenly the screaming devil man is flying, not falling, as the bike soars like an angel across the huge chasm, spinning around in the process, knocking the devil free from his perch, whereupon in his mad scrabbling he gets himself turned the right way around, grabs the handlebars and successfully lands on solid safe ground.

Then there’s Larry. Oh my god, Larry. I initially threw him in just so there would be an easily accessible bike for the players to use during the jet bike chase. But the minute I start voicing him and he keeps hilariously failing to injure Carrick while the Paladin (have I ever mentioned Carrick is a Paladin before?) fights Beards, using his fiery whip to smack away Beard’s attacks, Larry becomes a crowd favorite. Carrick especially loves him, finding the imp’s futile attempts to harm him more cute than anything else, to the degree that once Carrick defeats Beards, Larry takes a liking to him, calling him “Chuck” and determining they are going to be a new gang. He grabs Beard’s bike, tells Chuck to get on, and he rides him away from the Meteor Swarm, saying how cool it is that they’ve met and how they are going to be friends forever.

Well, by the time this happens, Aldric’s launching of grenades in the canyon has caused landslides and certain passages have been blocked off by piles of rock. Larry gets to one of these just in time to see Aldric and Alyss soaring over it in a marvelous display of driving skill and defying gravity, intent on continuing their chase of Bones and Barbs.

Larry looks at the rock wall and takes a deep breath. “Do you believe, Chuck?” He says in his small, hopeful, tremulous voice. Carrick slaps him on the shoulder. “I believe in you, buddy.” Larry then guns the bike, heading for the rock wall, about to perform the same stunt as Alyss. His eyes closed, his legs flailing out behind him (he’s too small for even his own bike), he drives a top speed for the wall.

And rolls a critical failure.

Carrick sees what is about to happen and does what any true friend would. He bails off the back of the bike, misty stepping off to witness Larry drive into the cliff wall, the bike upending itself to smash him into pulp against the rocks before exploding in a ball of fire.

And that’s the end of Larry, short lived favorite familiar.

The rest of the chase has too many crazy moments to list: Aldric finally catches up with Bones, jumping off his bike and impaling the devil, then stealing his leather jacket. Aldric and Alyss outrun a horrible cave monster a little bit like a gaping dragon from Dark Souls. Imoaza has to outrun the meteor storm on the way to the shielded city, and almost doesn’t make it. And Carrick finds Blackrazor in the desert.

This last moment is a defining one. Carrick initially is hesitant to retrieve the blade, knowing it is evil. But he also knows it may not be his call to make: this is Aldric’s burden to bear. The player is so torn, he literally has to toss a coin to figure out the answer. It tells him what to do... he picks up the sword, and Blackrazor is less than grateful, berating him for having let Aldric drop him in the first place. He does finally thank him and tells him that Carrick will play a nice role in his final plans, then makes a joke about eating the souls of children. This last one is too much for Carrick. Not sure whether Blackrazor is being crass or honest leads Carrick to realize he cannot trust the sword’s actual intentions. And in a moment of decision, he drops the sword back in the desert and rides away (he traded his exploded jet bike for a summoned horse... which here in Hell turns out to be a Nightmare). Blackrazor screams profanities at him as he goes, promising that one day he’ll cut off his head and drink his insides.

Eventually the party synch back up on the edge of the city, which this close up they see is actually just a ruined sprawl of ghettos. This is in fact an illusion, created by Alyss to protect them, but they won’t find that out for a while. For now, they wander the dead city with Alyss, who tells them to abandon the bikes except her own, which she hits a button on to cause it to shrink down to pocket size, and which she drops in her back pack. She explains a little about their situation while they walk.

Hell, it turns out, used to be involved in an eternal war with the Demons of the Abyss, in a conflict dubbed the Blood War that mostly took place in the River Styx, the asteroid field right outside of Hell. Some centuries ago, Asmodeus traveled to the Abyss himself at the head of a huge army to finally bring the fight back to the Demons. His plan was successful and he used a magic so powerful that the Abyss was sealed away into between reality, unable to manifest and interact with the real world. But Asmodeus himself did not survive the magic and Hell was left for the first time in its history without a leader.

With the war against the demons over, the devils turned on themselves, waging a war that began as a physical conflict but slowly became more political. Out of this war emerged the Nine Cities, a sprawling conglomerate of nine separate cities, all ruled by different Arch Devils. Hell also became a tense democracy, with the leader of Hell voted into office to serve a fifty year term. The current president is Mammon, devil of greed and pride, who rules from his vast casino-ridden city of Messmiter, the Golden City.

While different presidents have pushed different agendas and together have turned Hell into a technological leader in the universe, one thing they all agree on: Hell’s borders should remain closed, its warships destroyed and grounded. No one comes into Hell except in death. No one leaves Hell. Ever.

Alyss tells them that there are crystals here on Hell which call souls to them when those souls pass around the universe. It’s uncertain why a soul may be called by a crystal to end up reborn on Hell, but it is known that Devils used to be able to make this happen as a contract. Now with Devils forced to stay in Hell forever, the influx of new souls has slowed, leading to a lot of anger and unrest. Devils desire souls, they need them to grow in power. Without them, they feel starved and restless.

Also restless are the few unfortunates who end up being called to Hell. Not only are their souls almost always drained for a devil’s personal gain, but Hell used to operate on one basic principal: Hope. There was hope that with enough penance, one could leave for a better place. This actually used to be true. But no longer, not with the borders closed. So Alyss has joined a group known as the Hell’s Rebels, led by who she says is an incredible leader of men, a visionary. Their goal is to escape Hell.

This gives many reasons as to why the player’s presence is so disruptive and yet so important. One, they’ve broken the closed border rule, albeit unintentionally. Two, somewhere on Hell their working spaceship has landed, which could be the rebel’s ticket out of here. And three, they have fresh, living, souls. That makes them a target. And because Barbs escaped them in the canyon, she is sure word has reached Hell that they are here.

And with this set up, we enter my next planned scenario in Hell, hideout.

Rooftop Showdown

I want this part of the adventure to feel a little like Blade Runner, or Dark City. I am aiming for mystery and a touch of uncertainty and I want to create a daring escape.

So the set up becomes that Alyss brings them to a decrepit hotel room and leaves them, telling them she’ll be back in a few hours but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are they to leave or open the door. They aren’t even to speak if someone calls to them. Alyss has her own way of getting back in. Don’t speak to anyone, she warns them again, before leaving. The players settle down for a much needed long rest, but when they finish it, Alyss hasn’t returned.

Three days pass. The players stay alive by Carrick casting “Create Food and Drink” and summoning a bunch of random Fiendish foods. They eat them all (except for a summoned plate of fried Bearded Devil Penis, which they leave in a corner of the room, where it begins to acquire a greasy acrid odor). Imoaza passes the time by reading various tomes she’s collected over the course of their adventures, especially the journals of her people taken from the Yuan Ti temple. Aldric digs through Alyss’ left behind backpack, eventually finding the shrunken motorcycle and blithely pocketing it for later study. He also finds an energy capsule which they use to recharge Carrick’s rifle. And he detoxes, not from drugs but from Blackrazor’s influence, slowly wresting his mind free from the blade’s evil influence, which he can still feel reaching for him and calling to him. Carrick finds a cellphone (of course, they don’t know this is what it is) and is able to pull out of his distant other-life memories that this is a communication device. He leaves it alone.

On the fourth day, a knock comes at the door. The players ignore it, and then Alyss’ voice calls to them, saying she lost the key and is being chased and needs to get inside. The group is nervous and anxious, not sure whether this is really her or not. As they hesitate, she becomes more desperate, saying that she will die if they don’t help her. They stay silent. Some time later, her voice returns, only this time she says she’s been caught and will be executed if they do not open the door immediately. She tells them that she will work something out with the Devils to keep them all safe, but they need to open the door now. Again, the players do nothing, and Alyss sobs and cries before there is a horrible crunching sound and her voice goes silent. Completely unnerved, Carrick uses a detection spell to try to sense anything outside the door. He senses a presence so large and evil that it almost makes him sick and he whispers to the others that he hopes they did the right thing by doing nothing.

It is not long after that the cellphone rings, jarring them all. Carrick picks it up and a male voice tells them he’s coming to get them, they have to trust him, that Alyss’ illusion is wearing off (it was never meant to last this long), that something has happened to her, and that they need to go. They decide to trust this voice and it (naming itself as “Jacobs”) instructs them to climb out of the window of the hotel and up to the roof.

Here is where things get crazy. Opening the window shatters Alyss’ illusion and for the first time, the players get a true look at the city they are in. It is not decrepit at all, but rather a bustling metropolis filled with flying vehicles, loud noises, and bright lights. It is night time right now but the city is brighter than day with all of its neon and LEDs. The players climb out of the window and Imoaza casts fly so that they can avoid a difficult climb. Just in the nick of time, too: behind them, the door to the apartment shatters and a Pit Fiend forces its bulk inside the room. But the players are already gone.

I think the sign that this section was a success was the players later asking whether that was really Alyss on the other side of the door. It wasn’t. In fact, it was the devils trying to break through her illusion and find them, but the fact that the question was left in their minds is exactly what I was trying to achieve, that uncomfortable feeling of “maybe we did the wrong thing.”

They end up having to wait on a rooftop while Jacobs makes his way to them. While they wait, they are accosted by a group of 12 Spined Devils and an Erinyes. Imoaza and Carrick face off against the devil’s in ranged combat from the roof, while Aldric flies up to meet the Erinyes, who taunts his bravery as base male bravado while ripping into him with her whip, spear, and arrows. The battle is intense, with spines falling all over the roof while Carrick and Imoaza use their eldritch blasts to fire back at the Spined Devils. Maybe the most intense moment comes when the Erinyes restrains Aldric with her whip and then throws him down into the river of traffic below them.

Damn that Larry, thought Harry as he steered his shiny new hovercraft down Risen Street, taking time to shake his fist at an old van as it puttered along in the lane he wanted to be in. If Larry would just start acting like an adult and less like a child then Harry’s life would be a lot simpler. Larry was supposed to have been back in town after the weekend to watch Harry’s kids (inexplicably, the little Implings loved their uncle Larry) but instead he was nowhere to be found. Harry wasn’t concerned, he knew Larry was most likely off with his gangster buddies and thinking of himself as much cooler than he in fact was. How many times did Harry have to tell his brother to get a real job before it was too late and no company would have him? How many times had Harry had to bail out Larry from some misadventure or another? Despite his anger, Harry couldn’t stop his lips from curling into a small smile as he thought of those misadventures. That was Larry’s one gift: no matter how much frustration Harry felt at him, his damnable brother was just so happy-go-lucky he couldn’t stay mad for long. As the frustration left him, Harry felt a sudden tinge of worry. Where was his brother? It wasn’t like him to just disappear without a trace. To be halfway around the world asking for help, yes, and inconveniencing his dutiful and responsible older brother, sure, but just disappearing was odd.

Harry didn’t have much time to consider the thought. There was a sudden jolt as a man fell from the sky and smashed against his windshield with the force of a dropped boulder. The shiny new hovercraft that Harry had spent nine years saving up for (it could fit all three of his kids and his wife besides) spun madly out of control, being ping ponged around by the other speeding traffic. Harry meanwhile, was flailing against the sudden release of the air bags, unable to see anything past their white bulk. He desperately tried to steer the car into safety, but only succeeded in pointing its nose directly at that old van that he had shook a fist at earlier. The two cars collided and Harry’s shiny new car was chucked aside into a building, Imp and vehicle alike exploding against its side in a fireball not unlike the one that had claimed his brother Larry only a few days earlier.

Eventually this battle comes to a halt. It is on a timer, with me rolling a die each round with an increasingly easy to hit goal number. When I roll that number, Jacobs arrives. There is one last mad dash as the players try to figure out what side of the roof Jacobs has pulled up to, failing all of their perception rolls, and leaping off of three different sides (all of them wrong). This results in Carrick being knocked unconscious and almost killed by traffic, Imoaza having to dodge madly through cars to save him, and Aldric (who got a haste spell from Carrick during the fight) whipping around in traffic like a car himself, madly looking for them.

They eventually all are pulled inside Jacobs’ vehicle and he flies them off to meet the leader of the Hell’s Rebels. Their hideout is a moving target, a giant airship that looks like a cross between a mighty galleon and a blimp, with a huge air bag suspended over the main deck and keeping the whole ship aloft, and giant jet engine pipes coming off the back of the ship to propel it forward.

They are taken on board the massive vessel and brought to see the commander. He stands in a long throne room, decked in an impressive robe and commander’s outfit. He turns as they arrive and eyes them all with a scrutinizing eye.

“Jacobs!” he shouts at last in a quick voice a little bit like a speeding racecar. “If I have tried to teach you one thing while being on board my ship, it is... well, it is my name. And you’ve actually done a great job of learning that. But if there was a second thing, it would be manners! And by all the devils in the nine hells, we do not leave people to bleed on our carpet. It’s not civilized! Did you even offer them something to drink? Get them a bath and a bed and whatever else they desire. Maybe a bowl of my famous cereal. That would perk them right up! Greetings, this is my ship the Jolly Roger Mark II and I’m Captain Krisp, Captain Roger Krisp, at your service. No, I won’t shake. I don’t know where you’ve been.”

And we stop there, with all of us laughing at the return of a favorite character. It’s a huge moment, actually, one I’ve been wanting to get to for a long time. Captain Krisp was one of those NPCs who became so quickly memorable that I’ve long wanted to bring him back into the campaign in a role that felt worthy of him. Being the captain of Hell’s Rebels is perfect. It also keeps alive the feeling of world-spanning that I’ve so valued in this long long long campaign. The fact that an entirely new group of adventurers is dealing with characters and plots left over from other groups of adventurers just makes the whole story feel epic. And of course, the players are the glue tying it all together.

By the way, for anyone ever wondering what Captain Krisp sounds like or how he thinks, I have taken massive inspiration from Varrick from Legend of Kora. Which is a wonderful show for many reasons, but maybe most memorably for Varrick.

Next time, we’ll get deeper into Hell and more crazy scenarios for the players to work through.

[killervibe]

The (God)Parent Trap

Killervibefanficweek18 Day 2: Undercover Missions!

Notes: This is a future fic that really took a life of its own!! It’s fluffy and I had a lot of fun writing it, enjoy!! <3

The (God)Parent Trap

Cisco knew this was a bad idea the moment this club’s DJ decided Rebecca Black’s Friday was worthy of being played.

Cisco shot Caitlin an agonized look.

Caitlin winced sympathetically, and opened her clutch for her phone. “I’m going to text Barry to let him know we made it in. You can try to fix the music.”

Cisco straightened his tie and marched over to the DJ’s booth with the determination of a soldier. “Oh, I’m three steps ahead of you,” he called over his shoulder, and grinned at the fond yet exasperated look on her face.

The DJ is a lanky, nerdy thing, very much similar to old pictures of Barry Iris showed Cisco from their days in high school. He tapped the kid on the shoulder, waiting for him to stop bopping to this horrible excuse of a song and remove his headphones.

“I’m sorry, Friday? What year is this, 2011?”

“I think it’s pretty rocking.”

Cisco groaned. “Okay, how much are they paying you for this gig? Fifty? Eighty? One Hundred?” Cisco slid over several twenty from his pocket. “I will double whatever they’re offering if you play something better. I’m desperate.”

The boy looked at the cash longingly, but shook his head.

“Sorry Sir, this song was requested.”

“By who?” Cisco cried, trying to forget that this dude called him sir. He may not be twenty-three anymore, and he may be wearing an itchy fake mustache, but god forbid anyone actually starts treating Cisco like an old irrelevant man.

The DJ pointed out a bossy girl teetering in heels wearing a flower crown.

“Oh Lord, she’s just as crazy as her father,” Cisco muttered under his breath. Of course it had to be Yelena, Dr. Sinister’s fourteen year old daughter.

Cisco rolled his eyes and left the DJ to his horrible life choices, maneuvering around the cheering pre-adolescent children on the dance floor as they slosh their orange crush over the rims of their red solo cups.

“It’s no use,” Cisco grumbled to Caitlin, who was leaning against the wall as Friday faded out and Miley Cyrus circa 2008 started next. He grabbed two drinks from a passing caterer tray. 

He peered into the first glass.

“Shirley Temple?” Cisco guessed, handing the pink concoction to Caitlin.

“Thanks,” she said. She took a careful sip, grimaced, then rolled her eyes at finding Cisco covering his ears like a child.  

“What do you expect?”  She said, and Cisco let out a long tired sigh. He hates when she excuses crazy situations they get themselves into with logic.  “This is a teenage dance hall converted into a makeshift club for the birthday party of a 14 year old who happens to be best friends with the daughter of Barry’s newest arch nemesis.”

“What I expect is to not have to fear that my brain will bleed out of my ears before the end of the day!”

“You’re being so dramatic,” Caitlin laughed, “As if you don’t love Lady Gaga and Katy Perry.”

Cisco scoffed, offended. “I’m sorry but Poker Face cannot even compare to Fly On The Wall and you know it.”

A teenager came up to them then. “Excuse me, are you two the chaperones?”

Caitlin bended down, “Yes! My name is Katherine Rodriguez and this is my husband, Arlo. We’re Sonya’s parents.”

The kid gave Caitlin and Cisco a once over. “You two don’t look anything like her.”

They shoot each other a quick look before both replying at the same time.

“She looks like her grandmother.”

“She’s adopted.”

Caitlin stepped on Cisco’s foot. “Uh, what we mean is we adopted Sonya when she was three but we were told she looks like her maternal grandmother.”

The girl snapped her gum, “Yeah, whatever. We’re, like, not friends or anything.”

Cisco tilted his head to the side and squinted. “Is there a point to this or…”

The girl seemed to remember the reason why she came and perked up, “Oh this is, like, tbh, really awkward now, but I just wanted to let you know that I caught her picking on Yelena. Maybe you should go and see what’s going on.”

Yelena Sinister. Dr. Sinister’s daughter. Perfect. The plan was working.

Caitlin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and blinked innocently. Cisco snorts. Is that how Caitlin thought it looked to be motherly? He’d tease her later about it if he didn’t find it so weirdly endearing. “Oh, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” Caitlin said, placatingly.

The kid looked skeptical, but put her hands up as if to say Oh well I tried  and turned back to the buffet table.

“Arlo?” Cisco exclaimed, scandalized, once the girl was out of earshot.  

“It rhymes with Cisco!” Caitlin defended, peering over the crowd for Nora. “It should be any moment now.”

“Are you sure she knows what she’s doing?” Cisco asked.

Caitlin nodded, “It’s Nora. She practically begged us to let her do it. Besides, you know she’d do anything to help her dad with a mission. Even if it means crashing a lame party and going by the terrible fake name Sonya.”

Cisco stopped sipping his club soda to retort, “Like Sonya is so much worse than Arlo.”

Cisco could feel they were just about to get into an epic bickering match over names when a man about five years older than Cisco comes towards them. 

“Excuse me,” The man interrupted politely.

He was tall and somewhat handsome, but very obviously not naturally blonde. However, Cisco supposed it wasn’t fair to judge. Caitlin was sporting a ginger wig, like she was channeling a young Molly Ringwald and Cisco’s own fake mustache and goatee Iris forced onto him made him laugh so hard the first time he saw himself in a mirror, they almost flew off his face.

“Are you the other chaperone?”

The question was pointed at Cisco.

“Yes, I’m Arlo,” Cisco introduced himself, and he really did have to fake the smile. He shook his hand, “And this is my wife, Katherine.”

“Oh!” The man flushed pink and began to stutter. “Oh, we met before.”

Caitlin began to flush too, and Cisco sensed he was missing something.

“Really...When was this?” Cisco asked.

“I believe you were with the DJ. You know, it’s so refreshing to hear our children listen to appropriate songs, thank you for reminding the DJ of that.”

Caitlin hid her laugh in a cough as Cisco’s fake smile turned into a pained expression.

“Well, yes. That’s my job, protecting the children,” Cisco said smoothly.

The man turned to Caitlin.

“I’m so terribly sorry, Katherine. I didn’t know you were married or else I never would’ve said those things.”

Cisco raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, what? Wait...Were you flirting with my wife?”

Cisco found himself getting ticked off, and it was weird, how he didn’t even have to pretend to feel vindictive. How he had no real claim at all over Caitlin but he still wanted to put his arm around her waist and drag her the hell away from this man.

Cisco didn’t like the way he looked at her. Cisco didn’t like the way she looked at him either, especially with her all flustered like this.  

Caitlin put her hand on Cisco’s arm, sensing his discomfort. “I thought Eric was being friendly, I swear. It didn’t click until just now.”

Caitlin’s explanation felt sincere, and Cisco felt himself unwind when Caitlin kissed his cheek, for show, obviously, but still, it was a nice gesture for him...Or was it for Arlo? Cisco was starting to get confused.

For what it’s worth, the man truly did seem like he wanted a hole to swallow him up.

“I’m so sorry I flirted with your wife, man. I was just saying she looks so young to have a teenage daughter.” Eric paused to look at Cisco, “I mean, so do you. Also, I couldn’t help but notice neither of you wear wedding rings.”

Oh damn. Cisco knew they forgot something.

Caitlin smiled tightly. “We’re both allergic to gold, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Of course. Again, my apologies. Anyway, whose parents are you again?”

“Sonya.”

“How old is she?”

Cisco and Caitlin both spoke at the same time. Again.

“Eleven.”

“Fourteen.”

This was why Cisco and Caitlin hated working undercover.They sucked. 

All three chuckled awkwardly.

Cisco cleared his throat, “We adopted Sonya when she was three...” He began, and Caitlin continued on for him when he began to falter.

“Exactly, so she’s really fourteen in age but we’ve only had her for eleven.”

They linked their arms together, smiling charmingly.

Speaking of their fake daughter, Cisco was hoping Nora picked up the pace so they could call Dr. Sinister already and get him out of his lair. Barry must’ve been staked out there for over two hours now.

Nosy Eric, as Cisco began to call him in his head, even though he probably doesn’t deserve it, frowned. “My daughter never mentioned her before. How does she know Vanessa?”

“Who?” Cisco frowned.

“Vanessa? My daughter.” Eric began to grow impatient, “The birthday girl.”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over this wholesome music!” Cisco replied, snidely.

Caitlin jabbed an elbow into Cisco’s rib. “Sonya was invited by Yelena. They go to piano lessons together.”

“I see. Wait a minute...Yelena doesn’t go to piano lessons. She does ballet.”

Thankfully, Nora swooped in and saved them when a loud crash followed by shrieking caused everyone to swerve their heads to see what the commotion was.

Cisco, Caitlin and Eric ran over to the dessert table where Nora was bent over, hands on her knees, laughing her ass off at Yelena who was on the floor, covered head to toe with hot melted chocolate from Vanessa’s chocolate fountain.

“You little bitch!” Yelena cried, slipping in the gooey mess as Vanessa stood several feet away completely stunned.

“Language!” Eric scolded at her, but it became very clear he agreed. 

The snitch that advised Caitlin and Cisco crossed her arms over her chest and sighed loudly, “I warned you.”

All of their friends were pointing and laughing, which would’ve made Cisco feel a little bad if she wasn’t the spoiled brat spawn of one of Earth’s most despicable metahumans. 

It was time to spring to action.

Cisco offered Yelena a hand as Eric began to scream at Caitlin about Nora ruining his daughter’s party.

“Your daughter did this?! I thought you said they were friends!” Eric accused, snapping at the teens to put their phones away.

“I can’t believe Sonya did this, I’m so sorry,” Caitlin apologized profusely, pretending to be aghast.

Cisco looked at his goddaughter straight in the eye and mentally psyched himself to sound as fatherly and as angry as possible when all he wanted to do was laugh. She quirked an eyebrow challengingly with a mischievous smirk.

“Sonya Isabella Rodriguez how dare you,” he scolded, “Your mother and I raised you so much better than this. Have you not one ounce of shame? This behaviour of yours is out of hand!”

Nora pinched her fingers together discreetly, telling him to tone it down a notch.

“But Daaaaaaaaad!” Nora whined, “You would’ve done it too if you knew what she’s like!”

“I don’t care,” Cisco said, “You’re coming home immediately. Apologize to this poor girl right away. Also you’re grounded.”

Caitlin rushed to the table to get napkins and wiped off the chocolate from Yelena’s hands.

“Here,” she said, whipping he phone out where it was conveniently left at the dial page. “Call your parents, honey. They’ll pick you up.”

Smart move, Cisco thought. Now Caitlin will have Dr. Sinister’s cell phone number, a valuable asset for tracking him in the future, and potentially finding out where else he goes.

Teary-eyed and humiliated, Yelena took Caitlin’s phone gingerly and called her father. She began wailing into the phone, and Cisco continued to fake berate Nora until she hung up.

“My daddy is coming right away to pick me up,” Yelena sniffed, picking her wilted flower crown from off the sticky floor.

Cisco shuffled Nora towards her. “Yelena, Sonya has something she’d like to say.”

Caitlin grabbed her cell back,  texting Barry that Dr. Sinister should be leaving any minute, and that he should go ahead the moment the coast is clear.

Yelena shot Cisco a death glare she definitely learned from her father. “Your daughter is a fake ass wannabe weirdo who doesn’t even go to our middle school! I never invited you! Nobody knows who you are! How dare you crash Vanessa’s party!”

Nora’s jaw dropped, “Yeah, well you’re a prissy princess daddy’s girl! Even worse, your dad is a total psycho!”

Yelena gasped, then lunged at Nora, slapping her right across the face.

Cisco sent Caitlin a panicked look. Name calling and slapping fights that could end up exposing their fake identities during their undercover mission was not part of the plan.

“Okaaay! That’s enough! We’re going home now!” Cisco said in a rush, dragging Nora away by the collar of her skater dress. Quickly, Nora sped the three off to the dance hall’s lobby where Cisco opened a breach and they all quickly jumped through it and into Star Labs.

~.~

Iris startled at the control board of the cortex. She surveyed the three of them catching their breath and narrowed her eyes. 

“Why is there chocolate all over my eleven year old daughter’s hair?”

Nora threw both her hands up in the air, “You were the one who said Uncle Cisco and Aunt Caitlin needed me to get into the party!” 

Iris opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Well... Yes, but it was their job to end the party and get Dr. Sinister out of his lair! Not yours.”

“Hey,” Said Cisco, putting a hand on Nora’s shoulder. “We were the ones that let   Nora get involved in the mission, and she did an excellent job, if not slightly carried away at the end, but who could blame her.”

Iris massaged her temples, “You couldn’t have pulled the fire alarm or something?”

Caitlin shrugged sheepishly, “...We didn’t think of that.”

“Sweetie, come here,” Iris said to Nora, but at that moment Barry’s voice crackled over the intercom system, requesting Iris and Cisco for help.

 He must have found something in Dr. Sinister’s lair.

“Ah crap,” Iris sighed, “Caitlin, do you mind?”

Caitlin shook her head and beckoned Nora over to the Med Bay, “Here, let’s get you cleaned up.”

She made Nora sit on the examining table and wet some paper towels to wipe the chocolate out of her hair.

“That was fun,” Nora said happily.

“I”m glad you thought so, but I’m sorry you got hit. Does it hurt?”

“Not really,” Nora reached towards Caitlin’s head to take off the red wig. “You looked like Kim Possible.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Caitlin smiled.

“Aunt Caitlin, can I ask you a question?”

Caitlin turned off the water faucet, and turned towards her, all ears.

“Sure,” Caitlin replied.

“I saw that guy talking to you. Why didn’t you get his number?”

Caitlin raised an eyebrow at the little speedster. This wasn’t what she had in mind when Nora asked to chat. 

“It would’ve blown the cover. I was pretending to be married to Uncle Cisco, remember?”

“But you’re not in real life!”  Nora objected.

Caitlin handed her a junior sized Star Labs sweatshirt and sweatpants to change into. Nora hopped off the table to get dressed.

“Yes,” Caitlin agreed, “But that man didn’t know that. I didn’t want his number anyway.”

“Why not?” Nora asked innocently.

“I just didn’t.” 

“So if you’re not with anyone, and you’re not really with Uncle Cisco, then why haven’t you or Uncle Cisco ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

Caitlin paused, taken aback. It was true that she had been single for a long time, but coincidentally, Caitlin had never been more content in her life than she was now. She had her life back in order, she had struck up an unlikely friendship with her alter ego, who had been less Killer and more Frost for several peaceful years. She made amends with her mother and was in fact really proud of her work with Barry, Star Labs and her personal research.

 “I can’t speak for Uncle Cisco but I’m happy with my life as is. I don’t need anyone new.” Caitlin looked out the window at Cisco, giving Barry directions of what kind of tech to look for in Dr. Sinister’s lab and sighed wistfully.She was right. She didn’t need anyone new. It was an old friend that she had wrapped around her finger.  

Nora followed her gaze.

“You looked awfully happy pretending to be Mrs. Rodriguez, though,” Nora pointed out.

Caitlin blushed. It wasn’t lost on her that there was a lot of truth to that statement. “I was playing pretend,” Caitlin insisted, knowing how weak that sounded..

Nora put a hand on her hip sassily, pursing her lips a lot like her mother.

“Were you, though?” She pressed.

Caitlin ruffled the damp hair of Nora’s head, shutting down the conversation all together. She loved the kid, but she sure was Barry Allen’s daughter, meddling in personal affairs.  “You’re all good to go. Why don’t you run home to your brother. I’m sure he misses you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Caitlin opened a drawer and handed her a lollipop. Nora rolled her eyes. “I’m too old for these.”

Cisco peeked his head in at that moment, his faux facial hair all gone, “No no,” He admonished, “You’re never too old for candy.”

He snatched Nora’s lollipop out of her hand, unwrapped the plastic and plopped it in his mouth. “Your loss my gain,” he said, muffled around the candy.

“Just think about what I said,” Nora told Caitlin, then sped out the building.

Cisco leaned forward. “What was she talking about?”

Caitlin fiddled with her medicine drawers. “Um,” she said lightly, shaking her head like it was no big deal, “Just about us being Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez. She didn’t quite believe that we were acting.”

Cisco sat in down heavily in Caitlin’s office chair. “But you told her we were…” 

“Of course.” 

Cisco sighed. “Right.” 

Caitlin turned around, curious at Cisco’s tone of voice. “Why, you wish we weren’t?” She felt overly conscious about the way her heart  sudden quickened in pace.

Cisco made a contemplative humming noise, “Weeeellll,” he dragged out the word, avoiding Caitlin’s gaze. He toyed his dress shoes into the floor as he swiveled left-right-left in her chair and removed the candy from his mouth. 

“Arlo might’ve been a little jealous that a man was interested in his wife. It made him feel a bit stupid. Arlo has this amazing beautiful woman and he never really tells her enough what she means to him, he always kind of assumed she knew.”

“Ah,” Caitlin responded. Cisco glanced up at her, vulnerability written all over his face. “What does Katherine think?”

Caitlin lifted a shoulder, nonchalant. “Katherine was too wrapped up in her feelings about Arlo to even notice that another man was interested. Katherine felt silly that she lost her touch. And then she felt not so silly, because who was she trying to impress, if Arlo cared about her so deeply without her even having to try?”

“Really?” 

They weren’t joking anymore. 

Caitlin nodded. “Yeah.” 

“I do,” Cisco breathed. “Care about you deeply. So much. For so long.”

Caitlin felt like she might die. In a really good way. In a ‘I ate three belly burgers and had one milkshake too many but I’m so very happy’ way.

“Is this Arlo talking or Cisco?” Caitlin teased, holding her breath.

Cisco stood up and grabbed Caitlin’s hand, tugging her towards him. “It’s Cisco,” He said softly, seriously. “It’s me. I’d be lying if I said you’re not who I want. Who I think about all the time. Who I’d want to be my partner in crime not just when we fight crime.”

Caitlin squeezed their joint hands. “That’s a relief. Caitlin feels the same way.”

Cisco moved closer, following Caitlin with his eyes, beaming. He leaned in just as Caitlin placed her hands on his waist when Nora zipped back into the Med Bay with her twin brother in tow, scaring the two half to death.

They jumped into each other’s arms as Nora crowed in victory. “Thank you speedforce!” She exclaimed, “I did it! You owe me ten bucks!”

“Congratulations,” Don cheered as unenthusiastically as a kid could sound. “No offense, but I thought it was never going to happen.” He handed Nora a crumpled Hamilton.

“See, I told you it would work!” She stuck her tongue out at Don smugly.

Suddenly all the puzzle pieces clicked. “Wait a minute…” Cisco said, shaking his head at Nora, impressed. “We’ve been bamboozled! You were the one that put the idea that we should be your fake parents in our heads! You set us up!”

“To be fair,” Nora pointed out, “You are our godparents, so it’s not like it’s that unrealistic.”  

Caitlin tilted her head, thinking that reasoning over. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Who cares!” Nora cried, “You’re together now!” 

“Okay, thank you, we owe you. Now let us have our moment!” Cisco said, ushering the Tornado Twins away. 

They zoomed off, and Cisco could hear Iris yelling after them as he pulled the curtain around the bed. 

“Now,” Cisco said, winking, “Where were--Mmmph!”  

 Caitlin cut Cisco off, finally bestowing him their long awaited kiss. 

[elfiesink]

By the Firelight

Being arrested for arson was not fun. Being arrested for arson multiple times was not fun. Being arrested for arson by fucking Overwatch because you fucking set their fucking building on fire Was. Not. Fun.

It wasn't your fault. It honestly wasn't. Cops never believed you though. When you were angry, fire happened. Also when you were surprised, fire happened. When you were happy fire happened. Fire just kept happening. You made fire happen. You didn't sign up for that. You didn't hop onto the latest social media app Blaze or Pyre or whatever the fuck and sign yourself right up. Didn't order that shit on amazon. It just kept happening.

And now you were in an interrogation room. Alone. Upset and afraid.

And there's fire.

It's a small fire, because there's nothing in this room but an empty paper cup. Which is what's on fire. Just sitting there. On the table. Burning. You're probably going to get beat up and searched for a lighter. Again. Because that's what happens because no one believes that you set shit on fire. In walks a tall man dressed in black, looking at the fire on the table and your sour expression. He looks like he wants to laugh. You'd sorta be okay with that. He's hot. Not like, you hot. Like actual people hot. Tall, muscular, with a bit of a goatee situation. Nice eyes too. Nice everything really.

And of course, the cup-fire flickers and grows. Because of course it does. Fuck you, cup fire.

The man pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and smothers the fire. Just like that. Like he wasn't afraid of it at all. Which was also hot. And you had to think really hard about not setting anything on fire. That was the last thing you need.

"My name is Gabriel Reyes. I'm not assigned to your case, but I was passing by the interrogation window and saw you pout a cup into catching on fire." His voice is delicious. You're going to punch yourself.

"I did not, pout it... on fire."

"You did. Listen, we've got a minute before your actual interrogator gets in here. You want out of this? I could use your... talent. I've got someone on staff that can help you understand it, control it. But you have to agree, now. To work for me." This Reyes guy went all business real fast. You saw the doorknob turned and just nodded. The last thing you wanted was more prison time for something that you really, really didn't mean to do.

"Deal."

A blonde man walked in, eyes immediately going to your new...boss? "Reyes? What are you doing in - Ahh, it's too hot in this room!"

"Yeah, sorry. That's probably because I'm in here." You apologize with a shrug. You were a portable room heater when you weren't upset. When you were accidentally starting fires you could be the world's worst easy bake oven. Reyes began to chuckle and you immediately shook your head.

"Wait no I mean. I, I make ... fire it's. Stop laughing it's not funny."

"No no we understand. You're pretty--"

"Please don't." You are suffering.

"Hot."

"Motherfucker."

Reyes looks pleased with himself. The other man looks confused, and then suspicious, and then annoyed.

"Please tell me you didn't just hire an arsonist." He grumbles.

"Not this one's fault Morrison. Check the tapes. See this ash? It was a cup. That lit itself on fire. It's an ability, not arson. And yes. Yes I did. Now if you excuse me, I'm taking my new agent to get a medical evaluation." Reyes undid your handcuffs. It was good that he was wearing gloves, that metal was probably hot enough to cause damage. You're walked out of that office like a prize while Morrison glowers at your retreating backs. The cup, what's left of it, catches on fire again and you groan in embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it hot stuff. We'll find a way to control the fire. Maybe give you a fire extinguisher to carry around." Reyes clearly found this funny. You could see the smile pushing at the corners of his lips. The light in his eyes. You want to be annoyed but you sorta like it.

"Whatever you say Boss."

Reyes grinned and guided you down a hall to a door barred by a keypad. He tapped in a code and pushed you through. "Welcome to Blackwatch, Arson."

"I swear to fucking God my nickname is not going to be Arson."

"No, your code name is Arson. It'll be official when I put it in your paperwork."

You sigh. Of course it is. Of. Fucking. Course.

[toughombresbeards]

Why Is My Beard Hair Turning White?

You may notice that your beard hair is quite different from the hair on your head. Beard hair and other hair on the body is an androgenic hair type. Androgenic hair is dependent on hormones. The testosterone hormone supports beard hair growth!

Why is Beard Hair Different to Other Hair?

Androgenic hair does not only differ by growth and is unique to hair found elsewhere on the body. Facial hair tends to be thick and wiry. The reason for this is due to the follicle shapes. Testosterone affects the follicles on the face as they're much more sensitive to those on your scalp. The combined sensitivity twists the follicles and kinks the hair.

Not only varied in texture, but beards can also grow in a different colour to that on your head. It's not unusual for men to find red or blonde hairs in their beards but have brunette hair on their heads. This colour difference can remain true when hair begins to grey. A man can find that his head hair remains dark yet he grows a full grey or white beard.

Why Does Beard Hair Turn White?

When hair turns white, it is due to melanin depletion. Over time, you produce less and less melanin, obviously leading to grey, white, or silver hair.

As beard hair grows much faster than the hair on your head, you'll likely notice graying in beards first. Melanin depletion can speed up depending upon several factors.

Genetics

Genetics is one of the most influential factors, influencing the depletion of melanin.

The rate at which a man produces grey hair is a hereditary feature, meaning it's linked to genetics. Looking at the beards of family members, you can see when you will likely begin to grey.

Your genes not only dictate the stage at which graying begins but also determine other factors. The intensity, progress, and shade of gray are affected by your genetics.

A build-up of hydrogen peroxide

A recent study linked the levels of hydrogen peroxide. Hair follicles all produce hydrogen peroxide, but that can build up over-time. The study discovered that build-up can block the natural pigment in the hair, resulting in greying.

Normally, you produce an enzyme that breaks down the hydrogen peroxide to water and oxygen. The enzyme ensures that the hydrogen peroxide levels remain balanced.  

As you grow older, you produce fewer enzymes, leading to the build-up of hydrogen peroxide.

Stress

Some studies indicate that stress can be the causation of greying. However, not all scientists support this connection.

Stress will not likely cause your hair to turn white. However, anxiety and other stress-related factors can affect your hair. Anxiety can lead to hair loss, and regrowth tends to have less pigmentation. As a result, prolonged stress and anxiety can lead to hair turning white.

Smoking

Previous studies have established a relationship between premature greying. A study in 2013 discovered people who smoke are two and half times more likely to develop premature hair graying than non-smokers.

How To Prevent Beard Hair From Turning White?

As the most influential factor for gray hair is genetics, it is hard to prevent it. However, you can work to slow it down. Positive lifestyle choices and activities can help improve your health and aging.

Healthy living, like diet and exercise, can counteract premature greying.

Using natural products and eating the right foods can directly impact the health of your hair. Eating foods that include Omega 3's strengthens the follicles. Beard care is crucial for a healthy beard, but it is important to apply products that only include natural ingredients.

Tough Ombre's grooming products help you to maintain a clean, nourished, and healthy beard. Products like the Barbarian Beard Conditioner ensure that the products you're putting on your skin will condition and moisturize your hair and skin. Products like this keep skin young and healthy, preventing premature aging.

Style Options for White Beard Hair

While white hair can be unwanted by some, we believe white beards can be effortlessly cool if cared for correctly.

Committing to a beard care routine can take your white beard from questionable to sophisticated.

Several classic styles particularly suit white beards, with many bearded icons rocking those looks.

Long Goatee

The goatee is a classic beard shape. Represented as a partial beard with a combined mustache, and the sideburns shaved.

The Long Goatee is a lengthened version of the classic that is favored by many.

The defined shape is a great beard for those with white facial hair. The stylized shape creates a clear definition and sense of character. Actor Jeff Bridges is often seen with a long goatee. Sometimes known as an Old West Goatee it helps to maintain an effortlessly cool and laid back look.

Van Dyke Beard

The Van Dyke style is named after the 17th-century Flemish painter Anthony van Dyck. Initially popular in the 17th century, the beard reflects that era of prestige and splendor.

A very creative style, the Van Dyke requires precision grooming, leaving the cheeks smooth. With such detail to the beard, it provides a great contrast when styled by men with white beards.

Pierce Brosnan is a perfect example of a white Van Dyke beard. The elegant styling reflects the former bond's character, exuding elegance. To style the mustache like Brosnan you can use Tough Hombres Beard's Magnus Premium Beard Balm. Apply the beard oil to the mustache and artfully curl the ends.

The Hemmingway

The Hemmingway beard is named after the writer that wore the beard so well. Ernest Hemmingway is well-known for his full white beard. The distinctive feature of the beard is the shape. Trimmed to an even-length, the styling of this beard is simplistic yet effective. Forgetting to maintain the beard can lead to a messy and unruly shape, so upkeep is crucial.

This beard is perfect for men that want to confidently show off their white facial hair. With such an infamous origin, this beard is a symbol of maturity, wisdom, and worldliness.

[andrewmoocow]

Fooly Falls chapter 4: Batter Up (originally posted on July 12, 2017)

It was another beautiful day in Gravity Falls, perhaps beautiful enough for a nice game of baseball. Yeah, this is the baseball chapter alright. Anyway, Haruko hit the ball really hard, much to the opposing team's shock as it flies out of the park and towards the sky. Everyone was busy comprehending what just happened as Haruko arrogantly thanked everyone while doing a little victory dance.

“Oy, she is just too good.” Stan complained as he, Dipper, Mabel, Ford, Soos, Wendy, Candy, Grenda, Pacifica, Robbie, McGucket and Waddles sat in the dugout. “I think that last one went into space.” Wendy added. “Wait a minute, why are we playing baseball anyway?” Stan wondered. “I came up with that Mr. Pines.” Soos answered. “You see, in many of the anime I watch, the characters would sometimes just chill out and play a nice game of baseball.”

Stan was still confused. “Yeah, but why baseball anyway?” he continued on.     ”Filler episodes dude.” Soos added. “I will never understand the shows that you watch Soos. Like that weird giant robot show. Why is it that our wimpy protagonist can't seem to choose between the hot-blooded blonde Russian girl, the heavy drinker or the blue-haired clone?”

“So you made up this whole team Mabel?” Dipper asked his sister, who was wearing a baseball-themed sweater with a gnome on it, as Stan and Soos continued debating. “Yeah, I even got a mascot and everything!” she replied pointing to a man wearing a gnome-themed costume dancing around the field. The mascot took his head off to reveal a rather normal looking man black-haired man with a smile on his face. “Great work there Tad!” she said to him. “She promised me bread.” he announced.

“Yes, thank you.” Haruko thanked as a gnome handed her a dollar bill. “You're welcome babe, you're a great help to the Forest Freaks.” the gnome replied with a Manotaur, a Gremoblin, a unicorn, a group of beautiful-looking blonde men in white and a Lilliputtian stood behind him. “Say, why are you so good at hitting anyway?” he asked Haruko. “I just have my ways Jeff.” she replied. “Good to hear that!” he exclaimed as he turned to another gnome with a bushy grey beard and unaligned eyes. “Make a note of that Schmebulock.”

“Schmebulock!” the other gnome exclaimed as he pulled a pen out of his beard and started scribbling on his hand. “Schmebulock.” he said. “Is Schmebulock all you can say?” the Manotaur asked looking at Schmebulock's hand. “Schmebulock.” he glumly replied.

“This is utter cockamamie balderdash!” Stan shouted from the dugout. “How is it that the Gravity Falls Gnomes, who have two old men with tons of fighting experience and a lumberjack's daughter who could kick ass, lose to a bunch of weirdos who don't know the first thing about baseball?”

“Maybe we need to bring out someone who knows his way around baseball.” Candy replied as everyone turned to Dipper. “Yeah, Dipper can help us win!” Grenda shouted. “I-I don't know guys, I'm not all that great at this game and Haruko is like crazy good.” Dipper groaned. “C'mon Dipper, we just need someone who can outmatch her.” Ford said putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Alright fine.” Dipper said as he picked up a bat and walked to home plate while his team chanted for him. “I'm going to die here Chutzpar, I just know it.” he mumbled to the Manotaur, who was serving as umpire. “Not gonna lie, I sort of agree.” Chutzpar replied.

Dipper readied his bat preparing to strike but he missed the ball. “STRIKE ONE!” Chutzpar shouted. The boy readied himself again, only to miss once more. “STRIKE TWO!” the umpire cried. He prepared to strike again, only to get knocked down by the ball. “Strike three, he's out!” Haruko exclaimed with a cheeky look on her face.

“Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark!” Wendy stated as Waddles carried Dipper back to the dugout. “You alright there, how many fingers am I holding up?” Robbie asked as he pulled out three of his fingers. “Well everybody, might as well admit defeat.” Stan bluntly stated as he got up to congratulate the Forest Freaks. “We can't give up just yet Stanley!” Ford said grabbing his brother's arm. “Look over there!” He pointed to Canti as he was picking up various balls from the field.

Soon enough, Canti was practicing with the Gnomes as Soos pitched. “Wow, he's actually pretty good.” Pacifica gasped in awe of the machine's skills until they all turned to notice Stan hunched over, his fingers locked together and his glasses suddenly shining. “This is it everyone, my secret weapon!” he proudly proclaimed.

As they all cheered, Dipper walked away with a stoic look on his face back to the Shack until he turned to Haruko standing over him. “That bandaged head look kinda suits you.” she said. “C'mon kid, it's a compliment.” Dipper, as usual, wasn't buying it. “Does it really matter anyway? Like I said, I'm not good at baseball.” he replied. “Quit lying kid!” she exclaimed as she held her bass aloft. Dipper winced, thinking she was going to hit him again, but instead she put it down and got on her Vespa.

“Anyway, nothing's gonna happen unless you swing the bat.” she said as she rode off, leaving Dipper to contemplate her words. “Oh yeah, forgot to tell you much earlier Dipper, but my parents got a new Medical Mechanica factory here.” Pacifica said walking up behind him. “Are you okay there?”

Meanwhile in another part of town, Commander Amarao had rolled in on a Vespa with Kitsurubami, Powers, Trigger and a few other agents behind him. “Well men, this is the place.” he said. “Fan out, I want the Vespa Woman brought to me by tomorrow.” he ordered to the others.

“SIR YES SIR!” they all replied as they spread out across the Oregon town. Amarao did so himself as he tackled a man with a goatee wearing a red flannel shirt. “You there, what do you know about a pink-haired girl with a yellow scooter and 4001 Rickenbacker?” he inquired. “A Rickenbacker, like the one Paul McCartney has? Or was it John Lennon?” the man replied as he took notice of his interrogator's eyebrows. “Those eyebrows....”

“Don't you befuddle me with your Beatles trivia, where is she?” he demanded. “Oh yeah, I think she's hanging around the Mystery Shack.” the man answered as Amarao dropped him to the ground. “Thank you good sir, now have a nice day.” The agent then got back on his scooter as he rode away. “I guess he must be a fan of the rock that looks like a face rock.”

“Hey everyone, I'm back.” Dipper announced as he walked back into the Shack's living room to find Haruko, still in her baseball uniform, twitching uncontrollably as Stan gave her a massage while Mabel looked on. “Oh hey kid, caught us at an awkward time. Dinner's in a bit.” Stan said as the girl started moaning. “Oh, it hurts! Not so rough!”

“What are you doing?” the young mystery solver asked as the moaning got louder. “Oh yes, your gristle is like baby lamb wool!” she screamed. “Old people massages are actually pretty good, don'tcha think?” she asked Dipper blushing. “You really stink, you could just change into some clean clothes.” the boy said as he walked away. “And yet I can't smell your sweat, wonder why? Oh, I'm too tired to even hold a fork!”

“Why were you playing for all those creatures anyway?” Dipper asked turning to her. “They gave me good money, thought it could help with the electric bill.” she replied before moaning again.

“Here Haruko, try some of this!” Stan offered her some eggs at dinner as he gulped down on some brown meat, squealing happily along the way. “Now this is what life is worth livin' for!” he exclaimed. “What are you even doing anyway?!” Dipper asked, thinking back to the Vespa Woman's first time at the Shack when she said that she needed him. “Y'know what, I'm going outside for some fresh air.” He walked outside as Stan, Mabel, Haruko and Canti watched. “Geez, what's with him?” Mabel wondered.

Meanwhile outside, Dipper sat down on the front steps thinking about what had just happened. Haruko had said that very night that she needed him yet here she was getting close with his great uncle. “Excuse me young man, is this place your home?” a voice asked. Dipper turned his head to see a red-haired man with large eyebrows and a pair of sunglasses standing before him. “And it's also a tourist trap?”

“No sir, me and my sister are living here for the summer.” the pine tree kid answered. “Then I guess you might know what I'm looking for, huh?” the stranger replied turning to him. “Those eyebrows....” Dipper said to himself looking at his eyebrows.

“I've heard intel about a man in a fez calling himself Stan Pines disguising as a gangster to break into a meeting of the Molehill Gang at Booby's. I'd like to speak with him.” the stranger politely said. “Sorry mister, my grunkle's busy but I do have something that might be of interest to you.” Dipper replied as he rushed back inside and came back out with the Firestarter in hand.

“I've been researching about an ancient being that once roamed this land and I think you might be interested.” Dipper started scrolling through the page as the man watched. “See, this man has once inhabited this land and got bored one day, so he made a deal with a dream demon known as Bill Cipher to gain ultimate power and wipe out his people.” He turned over the page to show the filled-in outline of Bill.

“I'm sorry kid, but this is all make-believe compared to what I've seen!” the man stated. “Listen, I'm looking for a girl with a Vespa scooter that's living here.” The young detective immediately knew what this man was talking about. “Oh, you mean Haruko? She's been living here as a maid, even though all she does is mooch off my family.” he said.

“So she's been hanging with you. That means she's addicted to you in a way.” the man said. “Listen, she's mad I tell you. Hopefully you didn't tell many people about her, cause then you'll think smart They'll find out what you're dealing with eventually.” Dipper put the parchment away in his jacket pocket as the man adjusted his shades. “Say, is there anything for sale here?”

“Thanks, I always wanted one of these.” the man thanked Dipper as he got on his scooter holding a fish covered in fur. “Anyway, older women can have an effect on you, so you better be careful.” The man drove away from the Shack as Dipper stood there watching while Stan and Haruko laughed wildly inside. “I got a bad feeling about this.

“So you're saying Haruko is hanging out with Grunkle Stan more despite the fact she said she needed you?” Mabel said when Dipper walked up to their room. “Exactly sis. I've been feeling that she's using us for her own agenda.” he replied. “And there was also this guy with really big eyebrows that knows about her somehow.”

“Wait, eyebrows?” Mabel said curiously. “Yeah, he came here looking for Stan and found me instead.” Dipper replied. “How big were they?” she asked. “Like really big. I'm pretty sure they're not ever real!” he replied. “Going off topic here, but is it okay if I call you Takkun like what Haruko does?”

“No.”

“Batting practice at sunset?” Haruko asked later that evening outside the gift shop. “Do you want me to be your coach?” she added as Dipper strolled away from her. “No, please.” he replied. “I can teach you how.” she said. “Just go away and keep doing crazy things with my uncle.” he replied hiding behind the totem pole. “We're in this together Pine Tree.” Haruko said as his grunkle's head dropped on the ground, much to his shock. Then suddenly, Mabel's head was behind him as well. “Your head is the only one that works Takkun.” she stated as she held the boy's head in her arms and then back on his body. “You'll hit a homerun soon. Promise.”

Later, Dipper stood outside holding a baseball bat with Haruko watching him. “Yeah, that's the right stance.” she said. “Buuut, you have to swing the bat!” Just then, Ford walked outside all bleary-eyed and his hair very unkempt. “Pardon me for being rude kids,” he said. “but what are you doing at 3:00am?”

“She's helping me with batting practice Ford.” Dipper replied before Haruko laid herself all over him. “Hit it into the sky, don't hold back.” she continued. “Before he swings the bat, a real slugger imagines an arc inside his heart, arching directly to heaven.” She took hold of the boy's arms and made him point the bat towards a flickering star. “I think that star would make a great target.” Ford said. “Yeah, but why is it blinking like that?”

Meanwhile in a secluded part of town, the agents had made their temporary base in an abandoned house with Kitsurubami, Powers and Trigger supervising them. “Alright, put it up on screen.” Powers ordered as the image changed from static to a large satellite circling the Earth. “Kitsurubami, analyze.”

“It's been ten hours since impact.” she announced. “We have experienced a total loss of control after it caused irreparable damage to sectors six through eighteen and displaced all three antennas including the spare.” As she continued explaining, the image of the satellite was enhanced until a baseball was spotted within it. “It made a quantum leap into the central processing sector and scored a direct hit on the core unit. This is Satellite Geo-Saki, it's proceeding with its self-programmed attack.”

The three government officials turned towards their superior Amarao examining the fur trout he received from the Mystery Shack. “Is everything alright Commander Amarao?” Trigger wondered. “It's nothing, I just can't help but wonder what fur this is supposed to be from.” Amarao replied handing the fish to the three. “I have a feeling it might be from some kind of grizzly bear.”

“Those eyebrows.....” the agents and lieutenant thought. “So when's it gonna fall?!” their superior exclaimed. “Commander, sir!” a scientist exclaimed rushing into the room before standing in attention. “We have good news on the statue of Diamond Brandy you have told us about!” he stated.

“Wait, Diamond Brandy?” Kitsurubami wondered looking at the scientist. “Amarao has gotten word from a young boy staying at 618 Gopher Road that there is a statue of a powerful vampire wizard that we have dug up.” he explained to the others. “Good work Dr. Hubert.” Amarao thanked him before leading his companions to the lab. “Seriously, I still feel like we've been to that Gopher Road place before.” Powers whispered to Trigger. “Maybe we came there in like, another life or something weird like that.”

“So Stuart, how's the life goin'?” another scientist in the lab asked chatting with his partner as he turned on some UV lights. “Oh y'know Ken, my fiancee left me, my mom died, dad got deported, but I got a sweet car last month!” Stuart replied. Just then, Amarao, Kitsurubami, Powers, Trigger and Hubert stepped into the lab. “Commander Amarao, sir!” the two shouted saluting him. “So boys, how goes researching that statue?” Hubert asked stepping forward. “We seem to have uncovered something....peculiar.” Ken answered. “There is a hole on his forehead that only showed up when we collected it. Have a look-see.”

Hubert stepped forward, staring deep within the hole as an air of dread crawled all over him. Suddenly, a large drill popped out impaling him in his forehead. “He has a horn!” Stuart cried out in horror. “And he's waking up!” Ken replied. “Quick, bring out more UV lamps!” he ordered. “YES SIR!” The statue began to crack more and more until a hulking figure with long blonde hair was revealed underneath. Diamond Brandy was reborn and boy was he hungry. The drill began to rip apart many of the other scientists, coating the UV lamps in blood.

“I can't believe it, he's still alive!” Trigger screamed in fear as the vampire burst from his prison. “And he's using human blood to block out the light!” Kitsurubami added. As Diamond Brandy stepped down, he gazed at the remaining mortals. “Hm, it seems the world has changed quite a bit while I was asleep.” he said to himself. “Your modern technology proves no match for the last of the Pole People!”

“Stay back monster!” the armored security guards exclaimed as they charged into the lab, pointing their weapons at him. “Zuhohoho, feeding time.” Brandy chuckled to himself as time slowed to a stop. He waltzed around the guards like a flash of light to them until time was restored to normal, and that's when they realized his true power.

“Commander, my hands!” One of the guards screamed in horror as he laid eyes upon his fingers being locked together with a scientist's, along with all of the other guards and scientists. “THEY'RE STUCK TOGETHER!” they all shouted. “Someone, do something!” Amarao shouted before Kitsurubami fired her anti-tank rifle at Brandy, only for it to to fail as he grabbed the bullet in his hands and poked it, transforming it into a large cricket which hopped away.

“You won't get away with this you abomination!” a scientist hollered before Diamond appeared right before his eyes and jabbed his drill into his forehead, reducing him and the others into lumps of flesh. “I think it's time for a new look. Allow me to change into something more....comfortable.” the monster announced before telekinetically bringing forth the blood of his victims and making it surround him like a cocoon.

“Somebody, shoot him!” Powers exclaimed pointing at the blood cocoon. “We already tried that, and now looked what happened!” Kitsurubami shouted in reply pointing towards the giant cricket that was menacing Stuart and Ken. The cocoon suddenly burst open, revealing Diamond Brandy now bare-chested and wearing a long flowing red cape and white hakama pants. “Ah, so much better.” the demon stated proudly looking around before turning to the two scientists.

“Please spare us sir!” Stuart cried as he and Ken held each other close, quivering in fear. “We'll do anything to stay alive! Anything!” Ken added as a few tears appeared in his eyes. “Anything?” Diamond said stroking his chin. “I know. I will let you two live, but in exchange you will serve me for all eternity!” he exclaimed as he made his fingertips light up and he tapped the two on their foreheads. Their forms contorted wildly as they screamed in pain until their skin turned pale blue and their labcoats were replaced with clothing just as wild as their new master's.

“From now on, the mortals who call themselves Stuart Dooley and Ken Simpson are dead!” the monster proclaimed as they rose from the ground, smiling evilly. “In their place are my new minions, Stinger and Loggken!” The three of them struck a pose as the four government officials stepped away before running for the hills. “Don't think you can get away so easily!” the two newborn beasts chanted in unison before raising their hands skyward. “RIPPLE!” Just then, the old house started cracking like glass as it began to fade from reality.

“Wait a minute, they can warp reality?!” Agent Trigger exclaimed as they kept running for the front door. “That boy never mentioned anything about that in his paper!” Amarao replied. “Enough about some random kid, we have to run!” Powers and Kitsurubami shouted as they got closer to the door. They jumped out in the nick of time as the house caved in, falling into a hole in space before zipping itself closed.

“That was insane! My life hasn't been at that much risk since the Arcadia Bay case!” Trigger wheezed getting up. “Apparently these so-called Pole People are more powerful than we thought.” Kitsurubami replied. “They can use incredibly powerful magic to slaughter lower beings and have the power of mind control! What do we do now?”

The two then turned to Powers and Amarao looking off into the distance through the forest and at a hovel of a shop. “Easy.” Powers said. “We find someone who knows and can stop him. And we're also gonna need some new men and a new base.”

Dipper woke up in his bed to find Mabel cuddling Waddles in her bed but Haruko was nowhere to be found. “Where is she anyway?” he wondered as he walked down the stairs to search for her. He combed the entire house from the spare room that Ford was sleeping in to the kitchen where he found Canti washing dishes. “Hey Canti, have you seen Haruko anywhere?” he asked the Medical Machine, who shrugged in reply before returning to what he was doing.

“C'mon Haruko, where are you?” Dipper groaned as he got more tired. Suddenly a bright light coming from the vending machine caught his eye. Punching in the code, going downstairs and taking the elevator to the lab, he tiptoed around until he found Haruko playing with the Eyes of Heaven mask Ford told him about. ”What is she doing now?” he wondered before the gleam of the red jewel on its forehead pointed at his forehead, sending him into a frenzy.

“Just as I thought! 618 Gopher Road!” Amarao meanwhile declared in the forest. “Come along everyone, we got a world to save.” he proclaimed to his subordinates. “Eyebrows!”

The next day, it was time for baseball again as the Gnomes cheered for Canti when he stepped up to the mound.”Yah can do it TV-bot!” McGucket hollered. “Yeah, give 'em what for!” Candy added as they all started laughing. Meanwhile, Dipper and Wendy were sitting on the Shack's front steps discussing what happened yesterday. “So some government guys say that Haruko's a loose cannon?” Wendy wondered. “Yeah, he came to me looking for Stan and then he started talking about her when I showed him the Firestarter.” Dipper responded as Haruko pulled up in front of them on her Vespa.

“Hey, the game's already started you two.” Haruko said. “Are you just gonna sit around doing perverted stuff?” she asked. “We're not doing perverted stuff Haruko, you're just insane.” Dipper bluntly replied. “C'mon kid, today's the day you get to swing the bat.” the Vespa woman added. “I'm not sure Haruko,” Wendy said looking at her younger friend. “Dipper really isn't the type to swing the bat.”

“I'm not good at baseball.” Dipper said. “Ah well, it is Canti's first game after all.” Haruko replied. “Oh that's right, we got Lord Canti on our team now!” Wendy exclaimed getting up and sitting behind her on the Vespa. “See ya later dude!” she called to her friend as they drove off. “Have fun.” the boy solemnly replied as he walked back inside.

Back inside the shack, Dipper walked into the living room to a horrifying site, his great uncle lying dead on the ground with the TV smashed in beside him. “Oh my gosh Grunkle Stan, are you alright?!” he panicked. “Who did this to you, what happened here?! I'll call an ambulance!” Looking over what had happened, he heard a noise and turned around to find the elderly con artist sitting at the table surprisingly looking fine. “But, how?” the boy wondered. “What's the matter Dipper? You look like you've seen a ghost.” Stan said turning to his great nephew. “Is-is everything okay?”

“Naw, I'm fine kid.” the uncle replied. “It's just that Haruko and I have built a special kind of relationship over these past few chapters.” He turned to Dipper almost robot-like. “W-what kind?” Dipper asked again. “MOUTH TO MOUTH.” Stan replied in a creepy sounding voice as Haruko's head, now wearing mouse ears, popped out of his mouth. “MOUSE!”

“Because I need you.” Haruko's words began echoing throughout his mind as various images of Waddles chasing a tiny version of her played. “It has to be this way Takkun. That's how life works, sometimes you're the cat and sometimes you're the mouse.”

“She-she once ssssaid something about h-how she needed-needed you Dipper.” Stan started talking almost like a glitched-out robot as he walked towards Dipper. “Or something like thaaaaat.”

“STOP IT ALREADY!” Dipper finally yelled as he hit his grunkle in the head with the baseball bat he was carrying and breaking the TV as well. When everything returned to reality, the boy realized that he was the one that did it.

Meanwhile back at the baseball field, Haruko had scored another point for the Forest Freaks knocking out Canti along the way, once again to the shock of the Gravity Falls Gnomes. “Wow dudes, even with Canti we're still getting murdered out there.” Soos declared as McGucket, Grenda and Robbie examined their fallen teammate. “She's probably doing it on purpose just to screw with us.” Wendy responded. Just then, a siren sounded as Haruko turned her gaze skyward to notice a large dirigible flying over them.

“A state of emergency has been declared in Gravity Falls.” a voice declared. “All citizens evacuate immediately. I repeat, all citizens evacuate.”

“Dipper Pines, age 12, student of Eggbert Elementary School in Piedmont, California, brother of Mabel Danielle Pines, son of Alexander and Danielle Pines, great nephew of Stanley Danley Pines, whom for thirty years imitated his brother Stanford Filbrick Pines after he was lost in another dimension for thirty years. Prefers to keep his first name a secret.” Amarao spoke as he sat with Dipper in a dark room. “A few days ago, a mysterious woman calling herself Haruko Haruhara had taken up residence at your temporary residence of 618 Gopher Road. Y'know, a baguette would've hit harder.”

“Listen sir, I didn't intend on hurting my grunkle!” Dipper claimed. “He was already knocked out when I found him and suddenly he was sitting down at a table all in one piece! He then started talking about how he's really got along with Haruko and and and-” The boy started frantically hyperventilating when Amarao put an end to it. “Simmer down kid.” the large eyebrowed government agent said. “Here, have a drink.” He gave Dipper a cup of tea and started putting in a few sugar cubes. “Heard you're not a big fan of spicy things. I can relate.”

“Like I said, I didn't intend on hitting him! I was just really freaked out. But thanks anyway.” Dipper responded taking the drink. “I've only heard stories about Stan and his criminal record, from pug trafficking, con artistry across multiple states, llamacide, helping transport of illegal goods, etc.” Amarao stated. “But Haruhara is him times eleven. She'll manipulate anyone to her whim to help her achieve her goals. But here she is as the object of affection for you and your uncle.”

“Wait, are you implying that Stan might have the hots for Haruko?!” Dipper exclaimed spitting out his drink. “But he's pushing sixty and she's like 19 or something!” The boy was briefly taken aback by this revelation until he noticed he spat out his drink all over Amarao. “I am so sorry man, let me help you clean that up!” he stuttered trying to search for a towel. “No need Pines, I got it covered.” he replied pulling a napkin from his suit and wiping off his face.

“So you refer to Haruhara by her first name. Are you two close?” Amarao asked. “I'm not really a big fan of her.” Dipper replied. “She's your batting coach, right?” his interrogator added. “Kind of.” the boy replied. “Do you like her swing?” the older man continued on. “I told you, I didn't intend on it! Haruko has nothing to do with this!” Dipper responded. “Then why? Because you were jealous?”

Dipper was too embarrassed to respond. “I've got a big question for you, did she ever mention anything about the Galaxy Space Police Brotherhood or the Pirate King Atomsk?” Amarao inquired. “Make sure you don't tell anyone about our little chat because it's very important, that includes your family as well.”

“Okay, thank you sir. I didn't really get your name.” Dipper said. “I'm Commander Amarao of the US government's Department of Interstellar Immigration. Thank you for your time boy.” he replied, but Dipper was already too distracted by his eyebrows. “Eyebrows.” he mumbled. “What was that about my eyebrows squirt?!” Amarao barked. “Nothing.”

“A state of emergency has been declared in Gravity Falls.” the voice from the blimp continued later that day over the deserted town. “All citizens evacuate immediately. No need to run like hell, please proceed in an orderly fashion.”

Dipper had arrived home to find his great uncle's dead body yet again but now Waddles started sniffing it. “What is it Waddles?” he asked the pig, who oinked in reply. “You're saying this isn't the real Grunkle Stan?” he continued. “Then where is he?”

Waddles led his master's brother to the boiler room across from Ford's bedroom, which contained an unplugged Tumbleweed Terror machine, a television, mattress and more but the item that caught their eye was the trash can which let off a familiar smell. Taking off the lid, Dipper found nothing except the shriveled up body of Stan, stripped down to his underclothes, staring right at him.

Screaming as loud as he can, Dipper rushed his uncle to the bathroom where he tossed him in the bathtub and turned on the water. “C'mon Stan, wake up wake up!” he cried. During this process, he started seeing images of Mabel being hoisted into the air by Canti on the water tower.

“Check it out everyone, I'm king of the world!” Mabel exclaimed as the Medical Machine held her high. “I always wanted to do that, thanks Canti!” Just then, Haruko zoomed on her Vespa below them, much to her surprise. “What's Haruko doing in such a rush?”

Meanwhile back at the Shack, Dipper had brought Stan back to normal after dumping a few buckets of water on him. “Oy, what just happened?” the elderly con artist woozily asked. “And what smells like a dead body?” Dipper was too busy dumping water on him to reply. “I guess I wasn't good enough for Haruko. She asked if she could use my head and I was happy to oblige, but I guess I died for a bit.” That's when the child remembered some more words Amarao said to him.

“N.O uses the left and right brain's distinct thought processes to open up an interdimensional channel capable of transporting things, sometimes from lightyears away in an instant.” he stated. “But she can't use just anyone's head, you gotta find the right one.”

“Grunkle Stan,” Dipper said to him. “I think Haruko might be using us for her own plans, and she wants my head.” Stan, continuing to pour water on himself, agreed. “You might be right, Haruko is not your ordinary houseguest.” As if they spoke of the devil, the Rickenbacker babe barged through the door on her scooter and running over the other Stan, much to the two's surprise.

“What you encountered was a high-tech mannequin that was created to look like your great uncle.” Amarao continued. “The equivalent of a vending machine. When the chips are down, few people can really swing the bat. Right now there's a satellite carrying a bomb heading straight for this town. This evacuation is pretty much pointless since nobody will survive the impact. I want you to go home and tell her, tell her to swing one more out of the park. Tell her it's a request from a hometown fan.”

“Yo.” Haruko greeted the two as Dipper picked up the fake Stan's head. “What's with this robo-Stan anyway?” he asked. “Who are you really?” After a moment of blankly staring at the two, Haruko replied rather fabulously. “I'm an illusion of your youth, the manifestation of the feelings in your adolescent heart!”

“Where did you get that crazy line, one of Soos' anime?” the lad asked again. “Anyway, there's a satellite falling from Earth's orbit that'll kill us all once it reaches here.” Just then, Ford burst into the living room as well in a panic. “Dipper, thank goodness you're still here!” he exclaimed. “Listen, we have to leave immediately because a government satellite is falling from the sky and is headed for here! I think we should all move to Ontario and become doctor-lawyer-scientists!” He then turned his attention to what's left of the robot replica of his brother. “Not even going to ask.”

“A double header takes a lot out of you.” Haruko stated. “Tell the hometown fan it's going to be expensive.” Ford was uneasy about this. “Wait, she's going to help us stop that satellite? But she might just give up and leave us all for dead!” Stan on the other hand was angered by his smarter brother's words. “Listen you stupid genius, Haruko knows her way around this stuff so if you think she's still untrustworthy, then you can just do it yourself and be the hero everyone says you are!”

“Ugh, fine.” Ford groaned turning to her. “So what do you say, reluctant partners?” he asked extending his hands. “Reluctant partners Doc Brown.” she replied shaking his hand.

“I say we file a complaint!” Kitsurubami exclaimed as she, Amarao, Powers and Trigger met at the diner. Trigger was currently on the phone speaking with the government about replacement soldiers and a new base. “No, the satellite bomb was our secret backup plan in case of dire emergency.” Amarao responded. “We can't let it go public. She really is a terror, that Raharu.”

“Raharu?” Powers wondered as his superior pulled out a picture of Mabel and Haruko wearing matching sweaters. “Haruko Raharu.” he replied. “Her plan is to penetrate us, the foreign embassy and the Medical Mechanica. That's why she made this whole thing happen.”

“And she's willing to kill hundreds just to get her way.” Trigger thought getting off the phone as they spotted Haruko & Dipper on her Vespa with Stan and Ford driving close behind. “Those poor kids.” Just then, the waitress showed up at their table opening her closed eye. “So, any of you want something?” she asked. “We'll take four coffee omelets to go please.” Kitsurubami answered.

Dipper's forehead began blinking again as his pine tree hat flew off his head. “Whoa, I think there might be another robot coming!” he cried. “Don't fret kid, Medical Mechanica is just up ahead!” Ford responded pointing towards the factory. “Why the Jekyll does it look like a giant clothes iron?” Stan added.

“Whoa!” Mabel gasped as the satellite moved closer to the town. “Hey Canti, do you think that satellite looks like the Satellite of Love?” she asked her robot companion, who just shrugged in reply before noticing a red blinking light atop Medical Mechanica, and the girl noticed it too. “Hey, that must be Dipper!” she exclaimed. “But what's he doing up there? C'mon Canti, we gotta get over there!” The machine nodded as she hopped on his shoulders and flew off.

“Isn't this where it's heading?” Dipper wondered as he sat atop the robot plant. “By my calculations, this location would take the least damage.” Ford explained examining the current location of the satellite. “Thanks for being a nerd man, now here we go!” Haruko said as she placed a cloth around Dipper's head and started pressing on his scalp. “Hey, what're you doing to me?” he groaned as she started digging around. “Just hold still!” she said continuing on with her task.

“What is she even doing?” the Stan twins said in unison. “Ha, you owe me a beer if we survive! Ha, you owe me two beers if we survive! Now you owe me three beers!” they exclaimed. “Okay, I think we should-hey, quit saying what I'm saying!” Just then, Canti came flying in with Mabel on his head. “Hey everyone, what's up?” she called as he landed before them. “Oh, we're just trying to save the town from a satellite that's going to crash and kill us all!” Ford replied.

“Hey, I didn't know boys were this sensitive here!” Haruko stated as she continued with Dipper's head. “Please, stop touching me there!” the boy replied  before she began pulling out a red object. “Well what're you waitin' for, pop it already!” the Vespa woman struggled pulling on it. “If I rush, it won't pop! Please start going slow!” Dipper cried still groaning before she finally pulled out the object, revealing itself to be a Gibson Flying V. “What is that?” he asked gazing at it. “It's your 'bat'.” she replied. “Wait a minute, that's a Gibson Flying V!” Stan exclaimed. “Just like Albert King!” Ford added.

“Impressive.” Kitsurubami moaned as her nose started bleeding while the four government agents watched the event from afar. “Does Haruko really think that kid is going to save us all?” Agent Powers inquired. “Does everyone back at base have the lowdown?” Trigger spoke into his earpiece. “Positive Trigger, we have cameras all over Gravity Falls!” a female agent back at Washington stated, her nose bleeding as well. “Tracking altitude, now entering final descent!”

“Purge sequence initiate!” another bloody-nosed agent ordered as the satellite began falling apart and rocketing towards Gravity Falls, making the sky glow various colors. “It's entering the lower atmosphere!”

“It's getting closer everyone, get behind Canti!” Ford exclaimed as he, Stan and Mabel did so. “Now if you do it like I showed you, it'll be perfect.” Haruko said holding Dipper close to her. “It's okay?” he responded before they all turned to it. “Hey here it comes, keep your eye on it kid! Ready?” she exclaimed as the satellite got closer. “That boy is....” Kitsurubami exclaimed. “That kid will never pull it off!” Amarao finished her sentence. “Impact is imminent!” the woman back at Washington announced as the satellite turned into a giant hand and then immediately fell apart.

“What, but that's impossible!” Dipper exclaimed. “Haruko? Haruko!” He looked around for her but returned his attention to the giant machine headed straight for him. “It's spinning!” Powers shouted. “It's a sinker!” Trigger added. As the object, now turned into a giant sphere, got closer to Dipper, time somehow came to a complete stop followed by the sky around him shattering like glass as three figures flew down.

“Ah, I see the bearer of Atomsk's Horn is here.” the first figure wearing a red cape said. “And it's a little boy too!” the second one in a white haramaki sash added. “Who would've guessed?” the third with hair like fire exclaimed. “Wait, who are you freaks?” Ford exclaimed looking at the three. “No, that's impossible! He should be dead!” he muttered fearfully. “What're you talkin' about?” Stan asked. “IT'S DIAMOND BRANDY!” his brother screamed in horror. “Ah, at last somebody recognizes me.” Diamond Brandy pridefully announced chuckling. “And you must be the one who took my treasured mask.”

“I'll never hand over the Eyes of Heaven you heathen!” the scientist boldly stated glaring at Brandy's two new minions. “Listen to us old man, hand it over or we'll turn your flesh into a fine quiche!” the one in the haramaki sash cackled madly. “No, I think we should turn him into a fine stew.” the firehead rebutted. “Stews are for foolish mortals, I say we make him into a quiche!” his partner exclaimed. Before they could continue debating, Canti gave them what for by beating them both up. “I'm still saying quiche!”

“ENOUGH YOU TWO IDIOTS!” Brandy angrily bellowed before turning his attention to Dipper. “So you want to 'swing the bat', am I right?” he purred. “Uh, yeah.” the boy replied sheepishly. “Well then, allow me to help you. Stinger, Loggken, get over here!” The two rose up and floated over to their master, hugging each other as they began to glow. Eventually Brandy started glowing when he joined in on the hug and they all formed into a titan of insane power. “Now then, play ball.” the beast said as he flew behind the sphere and time restarted.

“SATELLITE SMASH!!!” he screamed as he pushed it closer to Dipper, who was howling in terror. “Takkun!” he finally shouted, which caused the symbol from chapter 2 to appear on Canti's screen again as well as his forehead. “Maybe when the chips are down, he's too scared to swing the bat.” Haruko said as she zipped down the building on her Vespa. “Depending on what happens here, to all the folks reading this, sayonara!” She said her goodbyes to the readers before noticing that all the lights turned on and shined incredibly brightly as Dipper struggled to hit the sphere being pushed by the fusion of Diamond Brandy, Stinger and Loggken when suddenly, his “bat” set on fire. “What?!” he exclaimed.

“It's pushing him back!” Kitsurubami shouted. “He swung the bat.” Amarao said. Dipper continued to struggle as the “bat” continued burning brightly. “Wait, is that....” the titan exclaimed as his form began to distort. “It can't be!” Just then, the sphere stopping spinning as it started pulsing. “Oh no, it's going to blow up!” Trigger exclaimed as it prepared to self-destruct. Dipper watched in horror as he prepared to meet his fate when suddenly, Haruko jumped into the air, Rickenbacker in hand and slammed it as well.

“NO.....NO!!!” the titan screamed before finally defusing, leaving Diamond Brandy to be launched into the air while Stinger and Loggken started glowing, somehow turning back into the scientists Stuart and Ken from earlier this chapter. The impact started shaking up the town something fierce, causing various small earthquakes as the sky reverted to blue and Brandy was propelled skyward, screaming along the way.

“I-I can't believe it.” Stan gasped in awe. “Dipper....” Ford added. “He finally swung the bat!” Mabel cheered as she ran out and hugged her brother. “You did it Dipper, we're all alive!” she cried before noticing that Dipper was rendered unconscious. “Think we should let him rest sweetie.” Stan said to his great-niece as he came to her side. “And maybe we should find where those two idiots should go.” he added pointing to Stuart and Ken, who were laughing wildly and hugging. “I can't believe we're still alive!” Stuart cried. “Thank you guys!” Ken thanked the Pines family. “Is there anything we can do to repay you?”

“How about we bring you back to where you belong?” Ford offered. “That'd be great! We work for the Department of Interstellar Immigration.” Stuart said.

Before anyone knew it, it was finally over. Haruko was driving back to the Mystery Shack on her Vespa with Dipper sleeping beneath her and Mabel clinging onto her back. Stan, Ford & Canti followed behind on the Stanleymobile with Stuart and Ken with them. “What'd I tell you Ford, she is pretty trustworthy.” Stan said to his brother. “Okay, you're sort of right about that, but I can't help but feel she's got bigger plans for us.” Ford said. “Diamond Brandy is now brought back to life and he knows about Dipper's horn. I think we should try and keep the kids safe from him at all costs.” The trickster didn't listen as he continued driving. “You're not even listening are you?”

“Hey, if you guys pass by a red-haired man with big eyebrows and his partners, they're with us.” Stuart said from the backseat. “In fact, they there are right now!” Ken added pointing to Amarao, Kitsurubami, Powers and Trigger standing on the side of the road. “Oh no, not those two guys.” Stan whispered. “Thankfully we wiped all their memories of your case, so we might be in the clear.” Ford responded as they exited the car.

“Greetings friendly neighborhood law enforcers!” Stan greeted them nervously. “Are these the nutty professors you're looking for?” he asked. “Yes indeed they are sir,” Powers answered. “last we saw of them, they've been brainwashed by a mad god-wannabe into becoming his minions and now, here they are.” The two scientists were happy to see their superiors again. “We really missed you guys!” Ken said as hugged Powers incredibly tight. “Please get off of me Simpson.” he groaned. “I think it looks like we need to take you two back to Washington for extensive rehabilitation.”

“We'll be back with more men, but you two are on your own from here on out. Good luck.” Trigger added as they walked away with the scientists, who waved farewell. “Thank you Ronald.” Amarao said before turning back to Stan. “I've got my eye on you Pines.” he coldly stated to the elder. Stan reacted by slowly stepping backwards before returning to the car.

As they all drove back home, Haruko looked down at Dipper before starting to laugh wildly. “Crisis report.” Amarao said. “All systems functioning online and normally. The satellite achieved escape velocity at gamma-four.” Kitsurubami replied. “Bomb neutralized, satellite en-route to galaxies unknown!”

“Drat.” Amarao grumbled as one of his eyebrows fell off, much to his companion's shock.

Meanwhile in the deepest recesses of space, the satellite drifted throughout the cosmos with Diamond Brandy still clinging on to it. “He has.....Firestarter.” he thought to himself. “He will.....BE MINE.” He cracked an evil smile despite being frozen from the cold of space, as he began concocting another plan.

Hey dudes, Soos here! Wow, only two chapters left and this'll all be over! Anyway, big shout out to a user named The Tell-Tale Man for being such a great reviewer.

Anyway, join us next time for Fooly Falls chapter 5. It's gonna be like a John Woo film, just you wait!

[gascon-en-exil]

Mercilessly Judging the Camus Archetype

Per request by Markoftheasphodel, here’s a bonus round of the Mercilessly Judging series, in which I’ll be using my discriminating taste and considerable experience with hot (and not-so-hot) gay sex to grade that most curious of Fire Emblem character archetypes, the Camus. What was probably intended to be written as a figure out of classical tragedy has instead morphed into an only occasionally tragic sex symbol, because that’s what you get when your namesake is the male equivalent of Helen of Troy. Since I like my men like I like my roux - rich, seasoned, and thick in just the right places - I’m especially well-equipped for this undertaking.

The Arbitrary Requirements

Slotting characters into FE archetypes can be a slippery business, and so to get that part out of the way first I’ve settled on the criteria I’ll be using to determine who will end up on this list. These guys must possess at least three of the following traits:

Unrecruitable, at least in the main game or the game/route in which they fulfill the Camus role

Unwavering loyalty toward his country and/or a major antagonist

Blond

Black armor/clothing

A legendary weapon

A paladin or other horse-mounted class

They must also be male, both because I am absolutely not the person to ask when it comes to judging women and because the female Camus, a.k.a. the Ishtar, comes with traits of her own, such as a greater predisposition toward magic and a romantic inclination toward the antagonist to whom she’s loyal. The latter trait is obviously absent from their male counterparts, except in Tellius because of course.

Camus/Zeke/Sirius - Camus classic

This man’s dick has caused world wars. It’s that amazing. Has identity issues that are only worsened by his roleplaying and use of aliases. Long-term value is questionable as he has a tendency to outlive the countries he serves...but hey, at least he has a long term unlike half the guys here.

9/10 - The greatest sex you will ever have, but loses a point because when it comes time to settle down it’ll be pretty low-rent.

Eldigan - Camus père

An idiot, but not as much of an idiot as his two college buddies. His sister wants to sleep with him. Is the only guy on this list to have spawned a little Camus of his own (Shiro and Siegbert don’t count.).

5/10 - Suffers from a short amount of screentime and loyalty to a mere arc villain, and not even an interesting one at that. Saved only by brother kink.

Ares - Camus fils

The aforementioned little Camus. Wishes he was as cool as his dad, but at least he’s recruitable. Has no sister to get all hot and bothered, but he’s got a first cousin for that as well as an orphaned prostitute dancer. 

7/10 - Actually gets to be a king in the end, but Naga help Agustria if he doesn’t have competent people supporting him. Also...cousin kink, maybe?

Reinhardt - magic Camus

So threatening as a boss that the only safe strategy for his map is apparently warpskipping. Does not want to bone his sister even though this is Jugdral, and he gets cockblocked by the setting equivalent of the Antichrist possessing the body of a teenage boy. Harsh.

4/10 - Too waifish for the role. Is much better in Heroes, or so I’ve heard.

Perceval - gay Camus

The smartest man on this list since he sees the wisdom in joining up with the fifteen-year old ginger with the inexplicably gigantic harem on the word of his boyfriend - or a prostitute dancer who happens to know his boyfriend, close enough. Is what Elffin will be coming home to after he’d done traveling the world doing Bard Things.

10/10 - FE6 needs a remake just for him. Who wouldn’t want to come home to such a devoted retainer?

Galle - flying Camus

Has the honorable but doomed soldier and tragic unattainable love interest parts of the role down pat, but kind of an outlier otherwise. He’s more like Arion redux, who’s not on this list because I kind of forgot about him. Oops.

3/10 - He and Arion have the option to not die, I guess? Kind of takes the wind out of the whole loyalty thing. A real Camus puts his loyalty to his nation above the needs of his dick, guys.

Murdock - roadblock Camus

See, now here’s an FE6 anti-villain Camus done right. Not very interesting, mind you, but he gets the point. To think that the entire game wouldn’t have happened if he’d just been a better babysitter.

4/10 - Too bulky, too purple, and too dead. More than two decades of service to wind up as the least engaging Camus is a game piled full of them. That’s his real tragedy.

Linus - ‘roid rage Camus

Allergic to shirts and seriously needs to calm down. He might look like perfect one-night stand material, but that’s not the Camus way.

6/10 - Misses the mark, but I wouldn’t kick him out of bed. Is very...attached to his brother. Best enjoyed as a pair.

Lloyd - goatee Camus

The least Asian swordmaster boss ever. Embraces tranquility in the face of death befitting of the archetype much better than his brother.

6/10 - Equally as hot in his own way, even if it’s still non-standard. His Heroes artwork is a new degree of heinous, though.

Bryce - old Camus

The Rider of Daein no one cares about, least of all Ashnard. At least he’s packing a legendary lance, the confusingly-named Wishblade. 

3/10 - Is not too likely to die since his boss has a much bigger movement range, but is also not too likely to have any kind of resolution. Might have been better in his prime.

Levail - uke Camus

His loyalty to a man who’s never going to give him the D is beyond reproach, mostly because that man is also a Camus dealing with his own cocktease situation. That’s just how Sephiran likes to keep his underlings in line.

4/10 - Very definitely a bottom. Presumably commits suicide if you kill Zelgius before him since he knows he’ll never get laid now.

Zelgius - dramatic Camus

Is Ike’s foil down to his having to choose between a bishonen caster and his faithful lieutenant, but Zelgius chose poorly in the end. Props for pulling off the Black Knight schtick with far more gravity than any Camus before or since. It’s hard to beat a concealed identity and a dramatic reveal. Or cold-blooded murder.

7/10 - Gets a sexy shirtless scene and numerous guys who want his cock (including Valtome, to everyone’s displeasure), but he remains true to his archetype in the end by standing by the one man who’ll definitely get him killed.

Yen’fay - Asian Camus

Asian racial stereotyping in a Japanese-made game...so confusing. He fights you in an active volcano, which is pretty badass. Also, his Spotpass recruitment doesn’t cancel out his death thanks to alternate universe shenanigans. Imagine that.

2/10 - Has non-sexy sister angst and...not all that much else, really. Since he’s a stereotype he presumably has a tiny dick.

Xander - woobie Camus

A sensitive soul carrying around a lot of familial trauma who longs for a loving father and a fabulous pink ensemble. Not psychologically cut out to be a Camus and he knows it, but funny what accidentally murdering your own sister will do for your motivation. Likes to spout contradictory ideas about the nature of justice to disguise his own fatalism...or because the writers were sloppy.

8/10 - Has way too many issues to be all that stable, but he’s undeniably hot and plays his part to a tee. Would ride his giant carrot any day.

Ryoma - shonen Camus

Blew off Camus class because it was too Eurocentric for him, so all he knows is how to be arrogant and dickish and then commit ritual suicide at exactly the right time to make you cry over how good and honorable he was. Would have been significantly more palatable if the story ever acknowledged that he’s kind of an asshole.

5/10 - Actually is the head of state during his tenure as a Camus, but he’s clearly been cast in the wrong role. In the endgame boss gauntlet ranks below the Obviously Evil minor villain duo...fail.

Berkut - psychotic Camus

First fully-voiced Camus, and he’s doing a lot better there than Zeke. Goes off the deep end in a terrible way, killing both his fiancée and his gay hanger-on in the process. Still has undeniable style and gravitas for a remake addition.

7/10 - The explicit afterlife redemption leaves a bit of a sour note, but it’s easy to see why Fernand wants him so badly. Let’s hope that his obvious inadequacy issues aren’t stemming from anything below the belt.

[seven-oomen]

Shattered and broken Chapter 1

Since this is a story that is already on Ao3 and got some good response there, I decided to bring it over here as well. I have a few chapters written out and finished and am currently working on chapter 3. However, I do want some feedback on this short work. 

So, I’m going to implement a reward system for this. I have never done this before, but I feel like this might be the only way to move people into action. If I get 5 comments (through replying or asks), 5 reblogs and 10 likes on this chapter I will post the next chapter. Considering I have over 700 followers I think that’s a very fair number.

He was shattered, broken, damaged beyond repair. An Omega’s job in the world was to have an Alpha’s pups. People these days didn’t seem to agree with that world view anymore, but it was impossible to deny true biology. Unless your biology was broken. James Buchanan Barnes was born an Omega, but thanks to HYDRA and their methods of torture he was also barren. He could no longer have pups.

Grey eyes settled on the 72nd East playground just across the lawn. He was sitting under the trees just enjoying his time in Central Park for the afternoon. If Steve saw him now, the other Omega would undoubtedly drag him away and tell Bucky he was just torturing himself. But Steve just couldn’t understand. Steve could have pups, he could give Tony an heir. Unlike Bucky.

Watching the pups playing at the playground brought him a sense of peace. A sense of longing that somehow lessened just a little, just by watching these little human beings run around. He smiled as a little boy with short spiky blond hair ran across the playground to one of his parents. The dark haired Alpha laughed as he picked up his son, holding a hand up high for a high five as he held his pup on one arm. For a moment Bucky could see Tony and Steve’s pup, happy and laughing, with Steve looking on proudly as Tony held their child. Bucky would stand next to them, smiling at the child and fussing over it as a good Omega should. Tony would be so proud of him.

He sighed and shook his head. Maybe he was just torturing himself with things that could never be. Steve didn’t want pups, he made that very clear to both Bucky and Tony on multiple occasions. His fellow Omega was just too into his job, he was busy avenging and being Captain America. And Bucky respected that, he really did, admired it even. But it was still hard to process that he’d never have a family of his own. It just wasn’t meant to be.

With a soft sigh, he stood, briefly looking up at the sky to ponder about his life. He carefully patted the grass and dirt of his clothes and made his way down Central Park and back to Stark tower. He kept a close eye on the families he saw during his walk, wondering if he could ever have a life like that with his mates. He shook the thought from his head and walked on, past the Central Park Zoo where he briefly stopped to look at the Children’s zoo area. He moved on, passing fifth Avenue to head onto Madison Avenue.

Bucky headed South and followed Madison until he hit the corner with East 45th Street. Stark tower loomed up in front of him, standing tall and proud amongst the other Manhattan buildings. This had been his home ever since the fiasco in DC, he’d been lucky Tony had taken him in that day.

*

3 years earlier, Washington DC (Right after the fall of SHIELD)

“Can you, or can you not guarantee that Sergeant Barnes is no longer a threat to the United States government?”

Steve looked his way, eyes wide and begging. He knew in that moment that Steve would go down to defend him and he shook his head. He wasn’t gonna let Steve go down with him, couldn’t do that to his fellow Omega. To the man he once loved unconditionally.

“Captain Rogers?”

The judge looked at Steve with great interest. “You will answer the question, Captain Rogers.”

Steve closed his eyes and looked away in shame, “No I can’t.” The Omega muttered.

“What was that, Captain? Speak up.”

God he was going to strangle that fucking lawyer for badgering Steve like that. His metal hand balled into a fist and he had to take a deep calming breath to keep himself seated in the defendants chair.

“I can’t guarantee that Sergeant Barnes is no longer a threat.”

A murmur went through the courtroom.

“But it’s not his fault, HYDRA-”

“So by your own admission, Sergeant Barnes is a danger to our national security and should be locked away in a government facility.”

“What? No! That’s not what I meant-” Steve spluttered, trying to control some of the damage that the jerk wad of a lawyer was doing.

“No? But you didn’t you just admit that you can’t guarantee that Sergeant Barnes won’t be a national security risk? Or is your Omega brain simply confused by all the chaos and action it recently endured? Are the words I’m using simply too difficult for you to comprehend?”

“Thank you, Mister Johnson, that will be enough. I believe we have more than enough for a sentencing. Unless anyone has something to add to Captain Rogers’s statement?” The judge looked around the courtroom, “No? Then I hereby-”

“Objection, your honor! That was clear badgering of the witness.” A new man entered the courtroom, dressed in a sharp, black expensive looking suit. His short black hair was styled slightly upwards and he had an intricate looking goatee on his face that was clearly neatly styled in some sort of triangle shape. Bucky looked up in the man’s eyes, seeing warm brown, doe like eyes staring back at him. He had no idea who the stranger was, but he was more than grateful for the Alpha’s interference.

“Mister Stark! I hope you have a very good reason for disrupting this trial.”

“Oh, I do your honor.” Stark answered, clicking away on a holographic screen that came out of his watch. “You see, this trial is rigged. Predetermined. And I believe that alone is cause for a mistrial.”

The video screen at the right side of the witness podium suddenly turned on. It showed the judge’s chambers, the judge sitting behind her desk while Prosecutor Johnson stood in front of it. “This man is dangerous, Johnson. We can’t have a HYDRA assassin out on the street. No matter what happens, Barnes will go to a government facility.”

“You want to rig Barnes’s trial?”

“Yes.”

The video ended just as sudden. The room turned to Stark, curious as to what the man would do next. “And here I thought our justice system actually consisted of fair trial and prosecution. Guess we’re no better than the Russians in this aspect.”

“That’s enough, mister Stark! Bailiff, escort this man from my courtroom.”

Nobody moved a muscle and the room fell into an uncomfortable silence. “I guess the good man is on the side of justice.” Stark chuckled.

“I move to declare a mistrial in the case of Barnes vs The United States. If you want to fight me on that, your honor you can contact one of my lawyers, Felix Alvarez. Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers, if you could come with me.”

Steve was beside him before he knew it, helping him out of his seat. “Come on, Buck, let’s go.”

*

Present day

He’d been staying with Tony ever since that day, with Steve at his side. He really wouldn’t have it any other way at this point. He rounds the corner and looks up in surprise as a familiar face enters his field of vision. Old man Stan had been selling coffee near the front door of Stark tower for several years, until he suddenly disappeared a few months ago.

"Good morning, Mister Barnes. " The old man was back to selling his coffee just outside of Stark tower. He'd been gone for awhile and nobody really knew why, so it was a rather pleasant surprise to see the old geezer was still around.

"Good morning, Stan. Haven't seen you around in a while." Bucky stopped in front of the cart and breathed in the delightful scent of coffee and hot chocolate.

“Aye, Mister Barnes. It’s the damn city office meddling with my street permits. Once Mister Stark got wind of it he buried the office under legal work until they restored my permits. But it took a while, you see.”

He nodded sympathetically. “I see, I’m sorry to hear that. But glad to see you’re back in business.”

Stan just smiled at him and offered him a cup of coffee. “Two milk, two sugar if memory serves me right.”

“Oh no, I can’t just-. Here let me pay for that.” He moved to get his wallet out of the front pocket of his jeans.

Stan promptly refused his money. “No, no. I insist. For the mate of my most loyal customer. It’s the least I can do as repayment for Mister Stark’s aid.”

James smiled, the gentle expression just tugging at his lips as his face relaxed. The strong scent of coffee hit him and he closed his eyes in delight as he took a sip from the beverage. “Still as great as ever,” He hummed contently.

Stan grinned at his reaction and continued his earlier tinkering on one of his coffee pots. “Say, there’s something odd happening around the tower today.”

Bucky frowned at the Beta’s words and cocked his head slightly to the side, wondering what the other man meant by that. “What do you mean?”

“Some young lady has been circling the tower for several hours really. Didn’t get a good look at her face, but she’s wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and black slacks.”

“In this weather?” It was the middle of summer and the details of the clothing stood out to him as odd.

“I’ve tried asking her about it, but she bolted the second I opened my mouth.” Stan sighed and looked to his right, gently tapping Bucky on the shoulder. “Speak of the devil.”

James watched as the girl made her way to the corner of the building and laid something down on the ground, in the shadow of the building.

“Hey,” He called out, quickly handing his cup to Stan while jogging towards the girl. She looked up in shock and quickly bolted from the scene, he tried to follow but was pulled from his chase by the soft cries of an infant reaching his ears.

James stopped and slowly walked towards the bundle on the ground, gasping as he looked upon a baby of barely a day old. He looked up and tried to find the lady in the street, but it was a moot point. She was nowhere to be found. The Omega gently bend down on one knee and carefully gathered the infant in his arms. “Shhh, It’s okay.”

The infant ceased its crying and looked up at James. The baby had a mop of dark brown hair, one brown and blue eye, a little button nose and round chubby cheeks. The Omega smiled warmly at the infant, carrying him back to the front door where he took his cup of coffee from Stan.

“Well I’ll be damned…” The elderly man muttered.

“I better take it inside before it gets too cold.” Bucky carefully held the infant to his chest and pointed at the door with his cup of coffee. “Can you get the door?”

“Better call the police as well, Mister Barnes. You never know if the babe has any family that is looking for him.”

James raised an eyebrow at the street vendor. “It was just abandoned on the street, Stan. I sincerely doubt anyone’s looking for him.”

“Still, better safe than sorry.”

He let out an inaudible hum and walked inside the building, heading up to the thirtieth floor. He softly hummed along with the elevator music and gently rocked the baby in his arms as they rode up. When the doors finally dinged open, he walked into the hallway and made his way down to the sitting area in the living room. Steve looked up from his place on the couch, the other Omega was currently curled up against Tony while watching movie.

“Hey Buck.” Steve greeted. The baby let out a soft coo, causing the two men on the couch to freeze up.

Tony was the first to speak up. “What in god’s name are you holding to your chest?!”

[fatbottombucky]

Reality Shifter *Avengers x Reader*

Summary: Tony has created a Stark Shifter. He’s able to jump from reality to reality looking for Steve, only he has to do it with Bucky, plus you and Sam. Meaning they have to work together if they want to bring Steve back, only each reality is a little more strange than the last one. Warnings: Swearing Admins Note: The long awaited sequel to Alternate “You”niverse.

Julianne Hough- As Female Steve Lauren Cohan - As Female Bucky Charlize Theron- As Female Thor Damian Lewis- As Male Natasha Keke Palmer- As Female Sam Leighton Meester- As Female Tony Jared Padalecki- As Male Wanda

Alternate “You”niverse Master List.

Chapter One

“Look there’s someone,” Sam pointed as they walked the silent corridors of what you all assume is the Avengers tower, “hello, excuse me?” Sam yells and the woman stops and turns with raised eyebrows.

She was medium height and build, black long hair and her skin a russet brown. A denim jacket hung carelessly on her body, along with a grey v-neck paired with black jeans, hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. She waited patiently for you and the others to catch up, quirking an eyebrow at all of you. This must be some alternate reality because you had never seen her before, you were certain if you had you’d remember her. She’s also strolling around the Avengers floors, must be important. You’d know her for sure.

“Can I help you?” Her voice was smooth, held hardness and an edge of wit at the end, “I have somewhere to be? Are you here for a meeting with Stark or something?” She asked pulling a hand out and scratching it through her hair.

Tony was the one to speak up, “I never take meetings!” You chuckled at the truth behind that, the woman chuckled awkwardly.

“Okay, sir but who even are you?” You all became silent and you glanced at Bucky who was blankly staring at the woman, “I’m Samantha, nice to meet you all! How do you all even get up to this floor? You need a code.”

Sam chuckled, “No way, I’m called Sam.” He held a big grin as he looked from her to Nat, who sighed lightly and looked at Stark; you frowned as those two had a whole conversation with just their eyes.

“You don’t think?” Tony pointed at the woman named Sam, Natasha nodded, “you mean she’s?” She nodded once more, “so this took us to this reality?” he held up the Reality shifter and you all stared at it, admittedly yourself, Sam and Bucky looked at it dumbly.

Samantha looked at the weird contraption also before looking at you. “Okay, weirdo’s I’m gonna have to ask you to follow me and that better not be a bomb, I’m fed up of stuff blowin’ up!” You all follow Samantha, Tony whispering to you how he thinks this reality is where you’re all the opposite genders.

“You mean that hot girl is him?” Bucky asked in disbelief, you frowned but chuckled.

“I am a beautiful man and woman, deal with it, Terminator.” Sam quipped with a grin, Tony and yourself rolled your eyes at the same time as Natasha smacked Sam upside the head.

You followed Samantha through the tower, which looked the same to yours. Nothing seemed really out of the ordinary, apart from the fact female Sam Wilson was leading you through it. You had to admit she looked great, she had the confidence plus witty edge about her, that your Sam has. She also had his sense of calm; his caring nature that was obviously on high alert due to you guys being here. She glanced back to you all, connecting eyes with Bucky before the brown pools drifted to his left arm.

“Huh, I know a girl with a metal arm too,” she commented and looked ahead; you looked at Bucky who let out a long sigh. “She also has the same broody expression, sure you’ll two will get along just fine.” Sam and Natasha let slip light chuckles as Bucky glared, you smiled nudging him lightly.

Samantha comes to a halt at a door; you glance at Tony as he recognises Steve’s office. You could see through the glass, definitely not Steve sat inside. Not even a girl remotely looking like Steve was inside, the door was pushed open and you all stepped in.

The usual white, neat looking office was slightly different. It had deep grey carpets and an elegant desk in the middle, in front of big glass windows. Very spacious, a house plant sat in the corner looking full of life. A few photos dangled up on the wall, remotely looking like Steve’s back in your universe. Yet, these held photos of a blonde bombshell, smiling at the camera or her friends.

“Becky, do you know any of these guys?” Samantha crossed her arms over her chest, nodding her head to your group.

You all glanced at the woman who was stood by the window, she turned and her dark brown hair shaped her face. Clear, concerned eyes all sizing you up with a small frown; she shakes her head once before looking at Samantha.

“Am I meant to know who they are?” Her voice cool, like her eyes and you looked over her as she had a silent conversation with Samantha.

Becky was tall, her face nicely shaped and pale skin. A leather jacket was zipped up, plus a grey fingerless glove covered her left hand. Allowing the smooth, metallic metal fingers to glimmer in the natural light of the office, they were slender than Bucky’s but still looked like his. You watched as the first clenched, drawing you back to the conversation that was going on in front of you.

“They were aimlessly walking around,” Samantha shrugged and Becky rolled her eyes.

“So, showing them around is a good idea, huh?” Becky crossed her arms also, giving the same challenging look that Bucky gives to Sam; you looked at Natasha who looked kind of stunned at the event before her. “And you’re an Avenger how? I don’t know, you got your ass kicked by an ant!”

It’s silent for a beat, “Bitch, I’m about to slap you so hard your tampon’s gon pop out!”

That caused Sam, you and Tony to burst into laughter and stop the mini argument. You held onto Natasha’s arm as you bent over, clutching your stomach as wheezed with laughter. Sam and Tony were cackling; the only ones that remained passive were Bucky and Nat, although Nat had a little smirk of her own.

“Only one way to sort this,” Becky sighed and turned to you, mostly Bucky. “Who gave you the metal arm?” You all became quiet and looked at Bucky; he didn’t make any acknowledgement to her question, so she pulled out a pistol. “Don’t make me ask again, did Hydra give you that? Who sent you?”

Instead of Bucky answering, Tony stepped forward and instantly the gun was on him causing Natasha to aim her weapon in a flash. Tony held his hands up, “What I am about to say is kind of crazy! But I need you to listen; I’m Anthony Stark, Ironman. I live in Avengers Tower with my team,” he gestured to you guys. “You HAVE to take me to the female me.”

Becky raised her eyebrows and chuckled, looking at Samantha who shrugged. “You’re buying this bullshit?”

“That guy is called Sam, plus goatee has a weird metal thingy and that guy there,” Samantha pointed to Bucky, “has a metal arm like you, honestly, this isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”

“I don’t believe it, Hydra had a Winter Soldier programme, and it could just be a trap!” Becky tightened her hand on the gun, clenching the trigger with a warning.

Bucky gave a little exhale, “We’re not Hydra, trust me. I got the arm from Hydra, like you. I am you, I think. Alternate universes; portals and stuff, science jargon. I fell from a train whilst following my best friend, Steve Rogers into war. Hydra found me and made me a machine, seventy years later I am here now trying to save him.” Becky remained fixated on Bucky as he talked; Bucky gave a little nod and smile before she lowered her gun.

“I still do not trust you but,” Becky sighed, “I too followed my best friend into war, so it’s possible. I do not believe it till Stark says so, so let’s go get her say.” She nodded to the door; Samantha rolled her eyes before ushering you all out first.

*Toni Evil Lab*

“Nathanial,” Becky nods, “Where’s Stark?”

You hear Nat give a little sigh, already knowing this is her version.  You all walk up beside Becky and Samantha, causing Nathanial from a chair behind a desk to look up. Feet up on the white desk just outside the lab, red hair combed neatly and green eyes looking over everyone with curiosity. Becky just shakes her head at him, only Nathanial was still questioning who you all were.

“Is it a tour?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

“No, this is the Avengers from an alternate reality.” Samantha answers, “That one is me.” She points to Sam who waves at Nathanial, he let out a little chuckle taking in everyone before glancing at Becky to Bucky, “yeah, two of them. Great.”

Nathanial laughs, “Well, that sounds insane.” Becky nods in agreement, “Toni is in there with Thora, waiting for Wendel and Sylvia to return.” Samantha and Becky nod, waiting for Nathanial to open the door, which he does but stands up also. “I want to see this go down.”

Becky pushes the glass door open, holding it as everyone walked in. It looked the same as Tony’s, a mess. Computer screens on; various equations and cups of coffees left on desks. Tools, pieces of paper and drawings stacked. On a table sat Steve’s shield, it looked exactly like his own- modification’s looking the same as your Stark’s.

Then you hear two voices talking to one another, more like one talking at the other.

You turn and see a very tall, beautiful woman. Long blonde hair, light blue eyes, she was lean and staring at the other women stoically. Arms crossed over her chest, posture clearly fed-up with the conversation that’s going on, her eyes cast to your group and looks mildly stunned.

“Stark, we have an issue,” Nathanial called out.

The other woman snapped her mouth closed and locked eyes with Nathanial, eyebrows furrowing at a number of bodies walking into the lab. Long, dark hair and brown eyes scanned everyone over, she was small. Smaller than the blonde woman beside her, her left hand was holding a pen and was using it to point around the room; a very Stark habit.

“I said no visitors or guests,” her voice deadpanned at Nathanial, clearly unamused by the sudden interruption. “Who are they and why are they all looking at me as if they’ve seen a ghost?”

Samantha smiled, “Antonia, that is a male you!” She points to Tony, the woman; Antonia frowns at Samantha weirdly and glances over to Tony. “They’re from some alternate universe or whatever used that weird device-thingy.”

Becky sighs and rolls her eyes, crossing her arms and waiting for Antonia’s reaction. It’s silent as she stares straight at everyone, looking over you to Natasha, then Sam and Bucky. Her furrowed eyebrows ease gently, and then she’s off walking to the back of the lab and digging through an old box.

“I have something-“ Antonia is tipping the contents of the box onto a nearby workbench, “that’s oddly like that device too, I threw it because it was twitchy. Never went to the universe I wanted it to, plus the portal plans I had was stupid.” You all glanced at Tony who gave a sheepish smile. “AH-HA!” She pulls out an exact replica of the reality shifter.

“So, you believe us?” You asked with a small, hopeful smile and the woman gave a thoughtful face before shrugging. “We’re trying to get to a specific universe; our Steve- Captain America- went into the portal and couldn’t come back through. Now we’re on this mission to get him back,” you explain hoping to make them all believe and hopefully, help.

Antonia frowned, “Who the hell allowed him to go through? Everyone knows if you get stuck on the other side for more than one-hundred-and-seventy-two hours then you’re deleted from existence, balance it out.” Everyone looked at the floor or away, “Oh, yeah, that sounds exactly like Sylvia.”

“You aren’t seriously believing this, are you?” Becky asked with raised eyebrows.

“It’s a possibility,” Thora shrugged, “realms and alternate universes all correspond with one another, we’re linked in a way because what doesn’t happen this universe may happen in another, it’s possible that Stark could find a hole and link them all together.” It was super odd to see Thor as a woman, yet she had the same intelligence and slightly above, average voice level. “If another version is stuck not in their universe, as a way… to create balance they’ll be deleted, so it’s suggested.”

Becky frowns but scoffs, “I refuse to believe that, that guy is me.” Bucky frowned back looking slightly offended, “no offence.”

“Enough.” Natasha glared at Becky then to Bucky, who bite back his retort and slumped against you as you gave a sympathetic smile. “We obviously need help, are you going to help us?”

“I say we wait until Sylvia is back,” Nathanial crossed his arms, Natasha followed and gave a cold glare, he sent the back before then glanced at Antonia. “She’ll be back in ten minutes, in the meantime keep them down here with Thora.”

**

“What do you mean there’s two Becky’s and one is a male?” A voice is heard outside of the door, it was relatively calm and collected, although held a sweet lit to it. “Is this one of Stark’s pranks? Or worse an experiment?”

The door opened and the girl from the frames in the office entered. Golden hair pulled into a ponytail, bright, blue eyes looking at everyone in the room. Her small hands rested on her tiny waist, legs apart as she frowned and the bottom half of her clothing screamed Captain America stealth suit. Whilst she simply wore a pink, tank top above and didn’t look amused by the situation.

“Before you point fingers, I had nothing to do with this,” Antonia yelled from a stool and Tony beside her, each toying with the reality shifters. “They just showed up!” She shrugged.

Sylvia scoffed, “Really? I’m meant to believe that this doesn’t have Stark-branded across it?” this time crossed her arms and looking at Samantha or Becky for answers.

“Wait,” Bucky said loudly and everyone looked at him, “please, tell me that isn’t who it’s meant to be!” He looked at Sam, who was also just gawking on Sylvia. “Okay, if that was my Steve, I’d be okay with the Stucky shipping; just saying.” You and Natasha rolled your eyes at them.

Sylvia frowned, “Wait why does he have a metal arm like you?”

“Cause it’s a fashion statement nowadays,” Becky replied cooly but received a glare. “They seem to think they’re from an alternate universe and that’s meant to be a male me, stupid I know. Tell them, Sly.” She nudged her best friend.

Sylvia chuckled but looks at Thora who just shrugs, “Honestly, not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”

“I told you,” Samantha said to Becky who all but rolled her eyes in response.

Sylvia nods and walks up, leaning her palms against a table and looking at who she guesses is the male Stark, “So… why are you here then?”

“Because of you, actually,” he responds and Sylvia frowns. “The male you, Steve, I made a portal and he went through. We need to get him back to our universe before well, he dies or we die.” She nods slowly, “the more accurately we can get to the universe with him in it, the better off of a chance.”

It’s silent for a beat, “How do we do that?”

“Where’s your male Wanda?” **

“Fuck off,” Bucky laughed as the male Wanda walks in.

Long, shaggy hair, round innocent eyes and incredibly tall. Stupidly tall almost. It’s funny in the sense; Wanda is a short female but a tall-ass male. You tried not to laugh but Bucky’s reaction had you fighting back giggles, he looked down at you with amused eyes, shaking his head.

“I actually cannot believe it, he’s a giant.” You snorted and pushed him away, trying to listen as they filled in Wendel.

His twin sister, Piper, had passed away during a battle. He was still mostly silent, taking in life without her still. He sat mostly in the corner of the room, talking or helping the two Starks as everyone stood around… mingling. Trying to.

“Where’s Hawkeye?” Natasha asked, “Clint?”

Nathanial frowned but chuckled from beside Sylvia, “She’s on a recon mission, Clare Barton, is currently doing her job.” Sylvia chuckled and nodded, “went out with Scotia, a good team.”

“Sam?” Antonia called.

“Yeah?” Both Sam’s turn in the direction of the voice, giving one another a glance and slight chuckle as both Stark’s roll their eyes, “think they mean you.” Sam nodded to Samantha who nodded and walked over.

You sighed and slumped in the chair, any universe you go in, you never the meet the alternate you. It’s infuriating, especially since you wanted to know what male you looked like, it’d be kinda funny to see that. You looked up as Bucky sat on the desk beside you, resting his left hand on your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I still can’t get over how female Sam is good looking,” Bucky muttered to you and you chuckled. “And Steve, this is so weird. I don’t like it at all; I’d rather have Sebastian back than… her scowling around.”  

You laughed. “She has the scowl down better than you, I feel.” He narrowed his eyes at you, you smiled lightly with a small amused shrug, “it’s kinda creepy, I’m peeved that I never meet myself, twice now.” Bucky laughed this time.

“Becky?” Bucky called, you frowned as the woman turned and raised an eyebrow. “Where’s the male Y/N? We wanna meet him?” He asked, Bucky couldn’t explain it but it was easier to talk to this girl than you. Probably, because Becky is him and both knew one another’s expectations.

Becky looked at you before smiling softly, “He’s up in his room, I’ll tell him to come down.” You noticed the faint blush coming across her cheeks, it made you smile and look at Bucky who was leaning against the bench.

“I think male me and female Steve have a thing,” Natasha muttered to you and Bucky, both your eyes shot up and to the two leering over the Starks’. “It’s a lot friendlier than me and Steve.” Bucky scoffed causing Natasha to glare at him.

Bucky just chuckles, “That’s called Romanogers, me and Clint have delved into every ship.” Bucky announced as you frowned at him, “We get bored being in the vents, the internet is surprisingly good in there. I think it’s cute, I approve.” Natasha rolled her green eyes; you chuckled as Bucky just looked stupidly smug.

After almost an hour, still, nothing had changed. Except the fact Vision came down… looking like Vision. It shouldn’t surprise you so much, he’s an android and he doesn’t really have a set ‘gender’ just Jarvis voice, it was a nice piece of normality amongst the weirdness.

You don’t know what it was but Thor as a woman was slightly menacing. She stood straight, eyes glancing around the room but yet, she had this air of calm. In many ways, she was completely different to your Thor, yet, not at the same time. She talked of her sister, obviously Loki to you.

“DONE,” Tony shouted and stands up; grinning from ear-to-ear, gesturing you all over and you gave a gentle sigh as Bucky grabbed your hand and pulled you to your feet. “Okay, it should be focusing more on the universes closest to where Steve is, maybe with luck it will take us straight there!” Sam scoffed, “I said with luck, not that I believe in that.”

Antonia smiled and looked at Stark, “I look forward to never seeing you again.” He rolled his eyes and nodded with a sarcastic smile, it’s a good idea that he never had siblings because having to deal with more than one of him was a challenge.

Steve better be fucking grateful.

“Okay, we all ready?” He asked as you all stood in a circle again, you were slightly miffed that you didn’t get to meet your male self. You nodded holding onto Bucky and Natasha, you glanced to where Nathanial had an arm over Sylvia’s shoulders and they waved. Samantha did a little salute, Sam sighed.

“Damn, I’m gonna miss my hot ass,” Sam sighed from beside Bucky who rolled his eyes. “And Thora, she’s great.”

Everyone waved before turning back to Stark who was clicking around on the device before huffing, glancing around everyone to make sure they were all here. Then you heard a deep, male voice calling Becky’s name, you turned as she grinned and yelled a name that sounded all too similar to your own. You were finally gonna see your male version, this was it.

Then you felt that weird feeling of being pulled again. The feeling of being pulled in every direction, making your gut sink in on itself. Then as soon as you felt it, it was gone again. You groaned and looked up; you weren’t in the lab, actually in the common room of the Avengers tower? Maybe.

“Goddammit, Tony,” you sighed and he was too busy on his knees holding his head. “I almost saw the male me, fuck sake.”

Bucky choked out a laugh and tried to stand up straight, he wobbled and fell to the floor but grabbed Sam’s belt and making him tumble also, both men groaning as they smacked against the wooden floor. Wooden floor? The Avengers tower didn’t have wood floors; it doesn’t go with Tony’s aesthetic.

“Where are we?” Natasha asked from beside you as she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Who decided a lilac door was a good idea?” Tony asked looking at the lilac door to the incredibly small space, it looked like an apartment.

[Don’t worry, I am going to be visiting this reality again, this is kind of a kick-starter into the sequel. I didn’t want to go over board.] (I know that this universe could have been two chapters but honestly, all the others I have planned are much more detailed than this one. So, I hope the lack of will be made up later on. Also, guesses on what the next universe is? I gave a big hint tbh. - Rosalee)

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[belsmomaus]

just found this in my old WIPs: ‘Dancing with the Stars - Avengers Edition’

(it will never be finished simply because I wouldn’t be able to write in the same style - and the project would be MASSIVE - but still, it was funny to read, so I thought, why not share...)

“Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen,” says the dark, bodiless voice as the lights go on and illuminate a stage, a dais with three seats, endless rows of cheering audience and – most of all – a big dance floor. “Live from Los Angeles, California. Welcome to the big ‘Meet the Stars’ show in this very special season of ‘Dancing with the Stars’. Welcome to ‘Dancing with the Avengers’!”

The decoration on the stage opens up and through the tall gap of light step two figures: a tall man with broad shoulders, short hair and a beard, clad in a neat, dark grey suit with a matching bow tie and a beautiful brunette at his side, her hair waving in rhythm to the gentle movements of her dress’s wide wavy skirt, which was an absolute dream in silver.

“And here are your hosts: Peter Quill and Maya Hansen!”

“Good evening and welcome back, Ladies and Gentlemen,” Peter starts, a big grin on his face. “Finally we’re back, this year with something that has never been done before. Something so ambitious that you can only describe it as crazy. ‘Cause that’s what it is!”

Maya at his side laughs. “You call it crazy. I call it exciting! Because, ladies and gentlemen, we actually did it! All your heroes in one show! We have them all: the hidden heroes of SHIELD, family and spouses and last but not least, the Avengers themselves!”

“They may know how to fight aliens and stop the bad guys, but do they also know how to shake a leg?” Peter asks, while shrugging his shoulders and pulling a clueless grimace. “Does a God of Thunder know how to Jive? Can Ironman fly across the dance floor if you take away his armor? We’ll find out!” Then he turns to Maya. “Do you think our nitpicking perfectionist might be a tiny bit nicer, knowing that our guest usually safe all our asses for a living?”

Maya pulls a skeptical face. “I hope so, but to be perfectly honest: I highly doubt it. But you can ask him yourself in a moment. It’s time to welcome our jury. Ladies and Gentlemen, a big round of applause for our triple latin dance world champion and former professional dancer in earlier seasons, the lovely Darcy Lewis!”

A small woman steps onto the stage, dressed in a tight fitting bright red dress. She’s grinning and waving, blowing kisses in every direction.

“This show wouldn’t be the same without him,” Peter says. “Well, any show wouldn’t be the same without him. The man whose fashion sense is only rivaled by his delightfully dry sense of humor. Welcome with me En Dwi Gast, or, as we all know him: the Grandmaster!”

A really tall man steps onto the stage next, tall and lean and with an elegance to his steps that even the most professional of dancers would get envious. And he manages all that in slippers. Golden slippers, matching his golden, sleeveless coat that flows around his blue shirt and gray pants. There are some blue highlights in his short, graying hair and his trademark, the painted line from the middle of his lower lip down to his chin, is in a matching blue today. His eyes sparkle with delight and anticipation as he waves and takes his place at Darcy’s right.

“And, last but not least, our nitpicking perfectionist, as Peter likes to call him. Five times standard dance world champion, long-time juror in countless championships all over the globe and owner of a doctorate in psychology. The man who came back from the dead and told the devil ‘Bite me’. Not even permanent nerve damage can keep this man down for long. Ladies and Gentlemen, the one and only, Doctor Stephen Strange!”

The noise in the studio turns from loud applause into thunder as yet another figure steps onto the stage, almost as tall as the Grandmaster and clad in an immaculate dark blue suit, with a matching shirt and a dark red tie. A few strands of his hair curl across his forehead making him look roguish together with his goatee.

The three jurors join up and together they step down the stairs onto the dance floor, waving at the audience as they slowly cross the room to their spots at the dais.

“And of course also back our good old narrator with his voice of velvet: Ronan the Announcer!” More cheering. “But now it’s time to finally welcome...” Peter starts after the applause dies down, but gets immediately interrupted from up on the dais.

“Before you go on just one thing, Mr. Quill. I don’t see any reason to treat this season’s guests any differently than all the others. What our guests do with their lives outside of this show is of no concern here. This show is about dancing and the only thing that counts here is performance. And I will judge just that the same way I always do.”

Peter slowly blows out air, his eyes big as he turns away from the jury and back to the camera. “Well, the nitpicker not nitpicking? I guess that would’ve been to good to be true… Anyway, back on track. It’s time to welcome our special guests this season!”

Again a gap in the stage decoration opens up and filled with light as Peter announces the first name.

“Sharon Carter.” Sharon steps outside, her blond hair in gentle waves around her face and a long yellow dress flowing around her legs as she comes down onto the dance floor, seemingly a bit overwhelmed with being at the center of attention like this. “Don’t let this lovely facade fool you, this woman can beat you up one-handed. But now it’s time to let the SHIELD agent behind and embrace the fairytale.”

It’s Maya’s turn now and she points towards the stage.

“Maria Hill.” Maria looks stunning in her long dress in a deep purple color, tight fitting at the top and quite bushy at the bottom. Her dark hair isn’t hold back with a tie or clip for once. Although elegant her steps seem a bit stiff as she crosses the studio, smiling and waving. “Usually it’s the SHIELD agents who dance to her pipe, now she’ll give the pipe over to someone else and do the dancing herself.”

“And Loki,” Peter announces, alternating with Maya after each guest. The second Loki steps onto the stage – his hair a perfect match to his black tuxedo – a big, charming grin splits his face as he saunters over to the two women, seemingly unimpressed with all the booing amidst a rather cautious applause. “Last time he’s been to this planet he’d tried to conquer it. Now he’s been sent back to do penance. His brother insisted on his inclusion in this show and who knows, maybe he’ll surprise us. Hopefully not by killing us.” Peter laughs nervously as Loki’s gaze turns on him and one of his eyebrows twitches up for a second.

“Jane Foster.” The small woman smiles clearly overwhelmed. She’s wearing a dress identical to Maria Hill’s, just in a bright azure instead. She crosses the dance floor and takes her place next to Loki, but not without a wary – and angry – glance at the tall man. “She’s one of Earth’s leading minds when it comes to astrophysics. Let’s see if she’ll also proof to be one of the leading  dancers in this competition.”

“T’Challa.” The tall man’s easy smile cannot make you ignore the regal aura that’s all around him. The way he moves, the way he’s totally at easy at the center of attention, it all screams of confidence. With the sharp black dress pants and the tight fitting, sleeveless, golden shirt – unbuttoned right down to his sternum – he looks the part as well. “Yes, you can trust your eyes and ears. The king of Wakanda himself will compete for the title of Dancing Star. As king he knows about posture and as the Black Panther he’s light on foot. Now he only needs to put it both to good use.”

“Pepper Potts.” With her strawberry blonde hair in soft curls Pepper steps onto the stage, elegant and beautiful in her long and flowing yellow dress that left her left arm and shoulder free while a lacey sleeve hugged her right arm tightly. Confident as always she heads over to the others as if she were simply on another Stark Industries Gala. “CEO of Stark Industries and engaged to no less than Tony Stark himself, this woman not only knows how to handle a company but also how to tame a confirmed bachelor. Is there anything this woman can’t do? We’ll find out!”

“Bruce Banner.” Every hesitating movement of him screams loud and clear for everyone to see that he would rather be anywhere than right here right now. Still, there’s lots of applause and it only gets more as he gives a nervous smile and a shy wave before he nudges at his glasses. He looks good, yet unfamiliar and uncomfortable, in the black dress pants and the sleeveless shirt in dark red that leaves far more of his hairy chest exposed than he’s used to. “You might know him better as the Hulk. But don’t worry, the Hulk won’t make an appearance, although it would be funny to see him do a Jive. So far Banner’s strength is more one of the mind, being a brilliant physicist. Maybe there’s more than a Hulk slumbering inside this man, a natural when it comes to dancing perhaps?”

“Natasha Romanoff.” With a charming smile and a sexy swing of her hips the redhead steps onto the stage. She’s wearing the same dress as Maria and Jane, only in a deep emerald, that makes her look alluring and dangerous all at once as she walks to the others with a wave and an open smile. “As the Black Widow and a former spy hard physical activity is nothing new for this woman. But dancing is more than strictly following a set of moves and she is definitely up for the challenge!”

“Shuri.” The young woman steps onto the stage, a big and cheeky grin on her face and she’s waving at absolutely everyone. Her long, flowing yellow dress, sleeveless, contrasted beautifully with her dark skin. Her smile and energy, combined with the dress, it was like watching the sun come up after a long period of rain. “You might not know about this wonderful young woman, but, sister to T’Challa himself, this lady is not just looking like a fairytale princess, she actually is a princess. And probably one of the smartest minds on this planet. Inventing tech that’s even too advanced for Tony Stark to comprehend is impressive to say the least, but does it help in this competition? I don’t think so.”

“Thor.” With a healthy dose of confidence Thor steps out and thrusts his right arm enthusiastically into the air as a greeting, a big and warm smile on his face. He clearly enjoyed the cheering and being at the center of attention. It was strange to almost everyone to see him out of his usual armor and in an identical outfit as Bruce – with the only difference that he felt quite comfortable showing off his chest and his naked arms. “The God of Thunder himself. Never before had we a candidate in this show that wasn’t human. And this year we have two! Thanks to this guy here who made it his task to keep our planet safe from outside threats. Is that an unfair advantage? We will see. Will he be the God of Dance as well? We will see that, too.”

“Steve Rogers.” Upon stepping out Steve gives all the screaming fans in the audience a casual wave – as casual as a wave can get when you’re wearing a black tuxedo. “Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, girls and boys, he’s really here: Captain America. Usually he’s throwing his shield, now he has to switch to dancing partners. Lucky for them he’s also used to catch whatever he throws away.”

“And, last but not least: Tony Stark.” Tony is the only one who doesn’t look all that different than usual – at least his usual public persona: black tuxedo, charming grin and his arms spread as if he were ready to hug the whole audience. He is loving this. And so is the audience. “’I am Ironman. The suit and I are one.’ That’s what he once said. But now he has to prove himself without it.”

The noise in the studio is almost deafening. Cheering, roaring, stomping feet, clapping hands.

“Alright, alright. Shhhh! We’re all excited, I know, but if you want to see them in action you have to cut it down a notch or two,” Peter appeals to the audience. With success.

“As you know, today’s show is to get to know each other,” Maya explains. “Our heroes here meet our dancers for the first time and present a little group performance to get a feeling. Afterwards we’ll pair our guests off with our professionals for good, and completely at random. Remember, today no one will leave us. But you still need to call for your favorites, for the person with the highest score from both jury and your calls will get a free pass for next week. Meaning, that person will be safe next week and can’t be knocked out.”

“On that note,” Peter says and steps in front of the line of candidates. “Let’s begin with our Quickstep ladies. You watch what happened so far and meanwhile we make some space here on the dance floor.”

The movie starts at once, showing Jane Foster, Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff in the back of a car.

“I still can’t believe you guys talked me into this,” Maria says, shaking her head.

“Why should we be the only ones having fun?” Natasha grins. It’s hard to tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.

The image changes to a dancing school and the three woman greeting their three teachers for the next one and a half days. They couldn’t be more different. One lean and dark haired, the other with broad shoulders and dark blond hair and one very well built, black, with a short beard and dreadlocks at the top of his head. All of them handsome in their own way.

Scott, Aldrich and Erik explain first the dance – Quickstep – and then the basic steps before they start working on their choreography. Different sequences follow each other. Of Jane hopping up and down in Erik’s arm, whining ‘I feel ridiculous’. Of Maria with her head tilted to the side and back and Aldrich nudging it just a little bit further, asking: ‘Why do you get to just stand there comfortably and I have to strain my neck muscles to an unnatural degree? That’s not fair.’ Of Nat and Scott dancing, then abruptly stopping and stumbling and stumbling a bit with Nat staring down at her feet: ‘That damn spin! Why do I always stumble over my feet at this point?’.

“I’m Maria Hill,” Maria introduced herself to the audience in another sequence. “I don’t consider myself a hero. I just do my job and try to keep order and peace on this planet. When it comes to dancing I remember having some lessons back during my High School time. Just the basics. Cha Cha Cha, Waltz, stuff like that. It was fun, but it’s also been a really long time since then and I don’t think I remember anything. I’m not afraid to embarrass myself, although it definitely could happen, I’m more afraid that I could accidentally punch my dancing partner and knock him out.”

“I’m Natasha Romanoff, but most people out there probably know me better as Black Widow.  I have some experience when it comes to dancing, but it’s been ages since I actually used or practiced it. Anyway, the main focus of my dancing education was on ballet. Not sure if that will help me here or not. For my teacher I’d like a guy who’s not intimidated by me or my history as a spy. I’m just here to learn and try my best and show the world that behind all that I’m just a person like anybody else. And for that I need someone at my side who’s not afraid to tell me off if I mess up. Seriously, I won’t bite. Unless he’s wrong, of course.”

“Hi, I’m Jane Foster. I’m an astrophysicist and work in the field of interdimensional travel. I’m definitely more of a bookworm than an athlete and I have never danced in my life. At all. Apart from the awkward bobbing up and down you do when you have no idea what you’re doing. So, I guess I’ll need a teacher with patience and stamina, for we’ll probably train a lot. I really like challenges and this certainly is one and I’m determined to face it. Giving up is not and has never been in my nature. I’m just a little bit afraid of being in front of so many people. It’s okay when I’m giving a lecture about Einstein-Rosenburg-Bridges but when I’m dancing?”

The video ends and the lights in the studio light up again. There’s a counter at one corner of the dance floor and the three professional dancers – looking smart in their dress pants, white shirts and black vests – are loosely assembled around it, either twirling their drinks in a bored way or leaning against the counter and looking around, equally bored. The three ladies stand a little bit further away in a group, waving for the camera as the disembodied voice of the narrator sounded through the big room.

“The group dance. A quickstep to ‘St. James Ballroom’ from Alicia Francis from Jane Foster, Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff.”

Next thing the music starts and lots of jumbled voices can be heard, like in a bar or a party. And immediately the three women begin to put their heads together, talking and laughing like a group of friends out to have some fun. Behind the voices a rhythm begins to play, accompanied by sound of someone snapping their fingers.

They noticed the guys and the guys certainly noticed them. All boredom forgotten they leave the counter with a spring in their steps, wooing the girls with charming smiles and inviting gestures, until they give in and take the offered hands at the ‘welcome to St. James’ ballroom’. They take up dancing posture and as soon as the lyrics begin they swirl into action. Their necks elegant and long as they start into the first round of spinning before they’re off with quick hopping steps along the length of the floor. Their dresses swirl around them as did their hair as their professional dancers lead them through their choreography. After a while the guys step back and give them a moment to shine solo while they circle the ladies, all the while snapping their fingers, before they step up again and grab one again – not the one from the beginning – and pull on them until they jump up and wrap their legs around the guy’s middle, with them holding them tight and spinning around. After one last round of cheerful hopping steps the whole group tumbles against the counter, laughing, with Aldrich lifting Jane up onto a bar stool, Maria running a finger down Scott’s chest and Natasha grabbing Erik’s drink and downing it in one go.

Cheers fill the room as the three ladies part from their dancers and assemble next to Peter Quill, who awaits them next to the jury’s dais. They’re panting a little bit.

“That looked amazing to me,” Peter greets them. “And you seem happy as well. At least you’re smiling. But who wouldn’t smile after getting this close with our hot guys, huh?”

Maria rolls her eyes a little bit.

“They’re not bad,” admits Natasha with a wink up towards the area where their dancers as well as the other candidates and dancers waited.

“They really did an amazing job, drilling all of this into us in just one and a half days!” Maria says.

“It was hard,” Jane pants, “but it’s also so much fun!”

“Good,” Peter goes on, “hold on to that feeling! And let’s hope the jury shares your opinion. What do you say, oh great Grandmaster?”

The Grandmaster leans forward with one hand against his chin and a rather flirty grin. “Three beautiful and charming ladies like these? What’s left to say? No, seriously! Natasha, you have a very good posture. Very feminine. And Maria, at times a bit stiff but overall you possess this natural elegance, you just have to learn to put it to use while dancing. And Jane- amazing energy. Absolutely lovely. Well done, ladies!”

“Thank you,” Jane says, still smiling all the way. The others nod in agreement.

“Well, that was a good start. What do you say, Darcy?”

“Hi Peter!” Darcy waves in a coy way and winks at Quill. “Looking good today! If you want to go out for a drink later, you know where to find me. Buuuut, back on topic. Ladies, not bad for a start. Quickstep is far from easy and really hard to start with, but I’d say you were mostly up for the task. Good energy. Keep it up!”

“Mostly up for the task, you said it!” Dr. Strange carries on immediately, a slightly miffed expression on his long face. “Jane was in great parts not in time to the music. Maria, your posture was too lax. A little bit more tension in your arms. It shouldn’t be the man’s task to hold your arms up as well. You got muscles yourself, don’t you? And Natasha, good posture, but a bit too harsh at times. It would’ve better fit a tango than a quickstep. Nonetheless,” he holds up a hand to keep Quill from interrupting him – what he’d clearly planned to do, “nonetheless, we shouldn’t forget that this is just the first show and you’re just beginning. You had what? One and a half days? That’s not much. You’ve got the right energy, now it’s time to work a bit more on the technique.”

Peter frowns as he looks at Dr. Strange. “Are you ever in a good mood? It’s their first time!”

Strange raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t you listen? I just said so. And what makes you think I’m not in a good mood? Huh?”

“Just- forget it. Ladies, off you go. Maya’s waiting for you over there.”

The three women thank the jury and head across the studio up some small stairs to an elevated area where all the other candidates and dancers wait and lounge. Maya is waiting for them already.

“Hello ladies! The big performance is behind you. And the jury seemed to like it – mostly. How do you feel?”

“Good,” Maria says and gives a quick look to the others as if to check if they agree. “All in all it went quite well and we had fun. We did everything we could in this short time. Now we’ve got a whole week to work on the details.”

“Are you ready for the verdict of the jury?”

They nod and Ronan’s voice filled the big studio. “Jury, your verdict please for Jane Foster.”

Every jury member holds up a little round board with a number on it: 4 from the Grandmaster, 3 from Darcy and 2 from Dr. Strange.

“Jury, your verdict please for Maria Hill.”

This time it was 4 from the Grandmaster and Darcy and 3 from Dr. Strange.

“Jury, your verdict please for Natasha Romanoff.��

The Grandmaster gives 6 points this time, Darcy 5 and Dr. Strange 5.

“Wow!” Maya makes big eyes. “16 points for Natasha, that’s not bad at all.”

Natasha just raises an eyebrow. “Honestly? I was aiming for more. I guess I have to practice again and proof next week that I can do better than this.”

“And Jane, just 9 points. Are you sad?”

“Sad? Why? I’ve never done anything like this before. Sure, more points would have been nice, but the jury is right. I had trouble keeping in time to the music, but I’m looking forward to working on that.”

“Well dear audience out there, don’t forget to call for these lovely ladies if you want to see them safe in next weeks show! The numbers are displayed for you on the right side.”

Maya takes a step to the side. “Well, after this performance by three of our female heroes it’s time now to have a look at three of our male candidates!”