#hawks would be the cinematography guy

[rueclfer]

rivaling film student character and y/n.....partnered together to make a scrappy avant garde short film.....hanging out outside of class much more than they'd like....always arguing about the artistic vision.....they secretly get tons of footage of one another behind the scenes.....the film slowly loses its original concept......turns into a process montage of them falling in love with each other through the lens.....

[person4924]

hi !! i’m sam !! and that’s all u need to know but there’s more under the cut !!

(also im trying to make this aesthetic and cute but idrk how so if u have any tips pls pls pls !!)

yes i’m sad (secretly a dinosaur)

basic info

i’m sapphic of some sort!!

she/they pronouns. for now. gender is hard guys (just like-)

i’m a minor. so please don’t be fucking weird.

i’m american (even worse, the midwest 😨) unfortunately but literally as soon as i fucking can im booting it and moving to norway

i’m like 90 percent diagnosed with autism, and i’m pretty sure i have ADHD and beautiful princess disorder. so u all should basically fall on your knees and kiss me now

i play soccer (defense usually but i like offense more) and lacrosse (i suck balls but it tis The Lesbian sport, so) currently but i also usually play volleyball but i missed the season sooo

im a huge psych and cinema and music and literature nerd so !! basically im gonna be broke by 30

i have a sideblog that is currently a confessions blog but it might change cus no one actually does it!! but if u would like to do a (general) confession then it is @just-a-little-lad4924

i have another sideblog that is for analysis’ !! i mostly do characters and songs but i’ll do pretty much anything (send me a request please please please please please) it’s @person-speaks

just general facts about me !

my personality type is INFP-T

i have 3 cats!! one at my dads, her name is graci (after gracie abrams ofc) and she’s about a year and a half, and 2 at my moms: regulus (guess who named him!! 😱) and libby and their siblings and are currently abt 3 months !! i could yap abt them forever i love them all sm

my favorite color is dark green (call me a faggot and istg), fav season is fall, fav holiday is christmas or halloween, fav animal is cats or sharks or moths or jellyfish

i appreciate tone tags and try to use them as much as possible

im always bored so asks and everything are super duper cool !

fandoms: harry potter (fuck jkr !!), MCU, KOTLC, marauders, boy meets world, it, osemanverse, paper girls, teen wolf, owl house, shameless, stranger things, andi mack, tlou, riordanverse, brooklyn nine nine, new girl, grishaverse, community, dawsons creek, bojack horseman, criminal minds, dead boy detectives, the maze runner, descendants, arcane, squid games, the sun bearer trials, yellowjackets, the wilds, aftg (only halfway thru trk tho!)

also special mention to shows that arent fandoms but i am/was obsessed with: glee, scooby doo, ted lasso, everything sucks!, atypical, octonauts, will & grace, himym, parks and rec

can u tell i don’t have many friends.

fav movies (not counting fandoms): tick tick boom, my girl, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, little rascals, empire records, bottoms, nimona, little women, 500 days of summer, benny & joon, beautiful boy, call me by your name, lady bird, stand by me, RWRB, addams family values, the breakfast club, spiderman ITSV/ATSV, the outsiders, luca, the perks of being a wallflower, dead poets society, big daddy, the edge of seventeen, hamilton, heretic, 10 things i hate about you, not another teenage movie, juno, we live in time

once again. i have very little friends. and very many issues.

fav artists: gracie abrams, taylor swift, noah kahan, mitski, boygenuis, julien baker, phoebe bridgers, lucy dacus, hozier, the head and the heart, conan gray, RKS, queen, harry styles, the fray, olivia rodrigo, coldplay, billie eilish, maya hawke, bo burnham, chappell roan, the smiths, the revivalists, addriane lenker, lorde, fiona apple, alex g, ani defranco, radiohead, montell fish, lizzy mcalpine, maggie rogers, girl in red, gigi perez, ethel cain,

just general interests: poetry, art, writing, sitcoms, stand up comedy, greek mythology, the sky (like the stars, moon, sun, etc. astronomy metaphors are my everything), moths, jelly fish, ocean animals in general, pretty much just animals in general, 90's movies, cinematography, annotating, musicals, actors, spider man, psychology, analysis (of anything really), true crime/criminology, cannibalism, pop culture

comedians i like (i currently only have 2 but im planning on collecting more so!! also recs please??): bo burnham, hannah gadsby

video games i play/have played: minecraft, fortnite (im not a fortnite kid tho guys i swear), roblox, broken age, the big con, forager, goat simulator (best game ever istg) + im currently playing broken age act II and after that im going to start life is strange

fav books (also not including fandoms): the perks of being a wallflower, the outsiders, i fell in love with hope, ill give you the sun, and more but i dont remember the names atm !

my fav ships (buckle in! i apologize.): wolfstar, jegulus, jily sometimes, pandalily, dorlene, rosekiller, drarry, jeric (bmw), reddie, charlie/nick, tara/darcy, tao/elle, lister/jimmy, pip/rooney, kajemac, sterek, isaac/stiles, malia/stiles, lumity, gallavich, ronance, solangelo, valdangelo, kinda percico, dianetti, wesper, kanej, trobed, joey/pacey, ralvez, spencer/ethan, kindaaa moreid, painland, newtmas, jaylos, harry/carlos (idk the ship name), robin/barney, caitvi (i like to call them violyn tho !), jayvik, 307 (i think that’s it??) or jiyeong/sae byeok, phoenix (aurelio/teo)

i might have missed a few but these are My Guys. /gn

links!

spotify!! - my character playlists are my pride and joy and reason for living, i could write essays about how each song could specifically fit the character and situation. anyways!!

discord

airbuds - idk if anyone uses this but if u do add me!!

ao3 - plspls ignore my bmw and marauders fic! they were awful but i do not have the heart to delete them

pinterest

tiktok - this is my alt that i blocked all my friends on and i have like my fandom shit but i don’t post that much and im barely on tt to begin with but yeah !!

pronouns page

spotify stats - idk if anyone uses this but also yeah !!

TV time - which is basically letterboxd but more fun, also more up to date on what i’m actually watching and stuff (hopefully)

letterboxd - gave in an got it !

i have a super duper cool discord server that u should totally join too… link

i have a tagging system

sam shut the fuck up - og posts

asks!!! - asks

crazy? i was crazy once - big lists and essay things, basically me being a fandom freak

sam sings :O - lyric/music posts

art i need in my veins - self explanatory mostly for myself but everyone else should also see this

and i think thats it!! if anyone has any ideas of things to add then yeah !! or how to make it look prettier cusss uhhhh yeah.

oh yeah and this is an official @i-luv-multiple-ppl fan account so !!

and creds to @cafekitsune for the dividers!!

[sagesariadnd]

Revisiting Doric's Chase From a Dungeon Mastering Lens

So, we've established by now that Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is a great movie. Fun, funny, heartfelt, everything genuinely feels like a D&D game from the goofy to the grand. But I wanna talk a little about my pick for the best scene in the movie: the wild shape chase.

A quick recap, if you haven't seen the movie or it's been a while; the party is trying to break into Castle Never in Neverwinter, to try to contact the party leader's daughter, who had been entrusted to the BBEG when he got arrested in a heist gone bad. The BBEG campaigned to become Lord Neverwinter when Lord Neverember mysteriously fell ill (gee, what a coincidence) and rules under the advisement of a bigger BBEG, Sofina, a Red Wizard of Thay. The party is using the goods stored in Castle Never's vault, where nobles from around Faerun are contributing wager money for the controversial High Sun Games, as the payment for helping in this endeavor, but they need to know how to get into the vault. So they hire the druid Doric to spy on them and gather intel on the vault. Sofina senses her presence, and the result is the chase we'll be talking about today.

Now, I could go on forever about how much I love this scene. The tension, the quick thinking of all her different forms, the hilarity of a whole platoon of guards desperately failing to dogpile on a single rat, the music that isn't on the soundtrack cd for some reason (I'm not bitter!), the 'one shot' cinematography, the payoff on Holga's running gag of suggesting she become a deer...but there is a non-wildshaped elephant in the room.

I don't particularly like rules-lawyering, especially for a movie. Especially considering how Doric was in hot water with D&D Nerds (tm) from the moment the trailer was released, because she was white (forgetting that tieflings, by the book, CAN in fact have normal human skin tones), and because she can wildshape into an owlbear, which is a monstrosity, not a beast. (Come on guys, let her have her fun, there's plenty of ways a DM can make that happen.)

But regardless, there is a continuity error, if not a game error. According to Doric's official stat sheet, she can only wild shape five times a day. She wild shapes seven times in this scene - fly, rat, rat again, hawk, cat, axe beak, deer. And that's assuming this was on a different day than their first meeting with Doric, when she had already shaped into a horse and the aforementioned owlbear.

But stow your blades, friends. This isn't a rant about how they got a rule wrong in the D&D movie. In fact, I offer a far more charitable take on this error, by offering a meta perspective. I posit that this error is the Hand of the DM.

It could be as simple as being in the moment. Think about your past battles and encounters in your games; how many times have you forgotten basic things under pressure? Don't lie. My DM and I have both gotten so caught up in a fight scene that we both forget that I already used my bonus action when I try to Flurry of Blows. Hell, I think all of us have been guilty of forgetting entire skills on our sheet that could have been useful at that exact moment. The chase is pretty intense, and I imagine playing it in an actual D&D game would be even moreso; you don't have the privilege of hindsight or time to think. You have to just GO, and it could be very easy to belief that Doric's player and the DM just completely lost track of the number of wild shapes she used. Probably didn't even think of it as they're both biting their nails to see if Doric makes it out. Just imagine the delight and release of tension at the table as Sofina is hot on Doric's heels and the player, in a moment of panic, blurts out "I turn into a deer!!!" Holga's player must have been losing her shit. Even if she wasn't already over budget, if I was the DM in that moment I'd let the extra wild shape slide JUST for that moment of bringing the running gag full circle.

And then, as I was watching the movie last night, an even deeper meta headcanon occurred to me.

I don't mean what I'm about to say as a putdown of Sophia Lillis; I think she did great and she definitely resonated with people as a favorite character in the movie. But Doric as a character is a little strange. She's a bit stiff and seems nervous, her lines have a slightly uncanny tinge, she generally seems kind of awkward...

Call me crazy, but doesn't that sound like a new D&D player to you?

I don't know if this was a deliberate choice on Lillis or the director's part, but Doric's awkwardness feels like a great representation of what it's like first getting into the hobby. Even if you've been interested in roleplaying before, it can feel weird when you first start out, getting used to talking out loud as your character, on top of the ongoing D&D struggles of getting to know your character as it is, and of course figuring out and memorizing all of your character's abilities. As a new player, I can imagine Doric's player latching onto "I can turn into animals" and considering that in every problem, because not only is it cool and useful, it's a simple concept to remember.

The spy mission was Doric's big moment. Her first non-combat scenario at the table. On top of that, it's a solo mission, and one that the entire plan relies on. This is Doric's player's time to really cut her teeth on D&D. Not only is the pressure on her to succeed, but the pressure is on the DM to give her a good experience to boost her confidence and have her wanting to keep playing.

So, the DM encourages her. He praises her quick thinking when she tries to sneak away in the armor, even when the guard passes his insight check. He reminds her as she's about to hit the ground that she can fly. He puts obstacles in her way as she flies off, watching her excitement and anxiety rise as every bow shot misses her. She gets tangled in the flag and could have tanked the fall damage because she'd just revert back to herself, but she wildshapes into a cat. She's getting into the groove!

And that leaves her spent on wild shape slots, slipping out the door thinking that if she stays hidden, she'll be safe to escape. But it's not over. She still needs to make it to the gate, and there's Sofina - she followed her out. Doric's player asks if there are animals around - the axe beak flock. The DM could have checked if she could still wild shape, but Doric's player is coming out of her shell. He could make her find another way out, but she's so deeply on a roll that stopping it now could not only get Doric killed, but possibly snuff out that light that's hit the player's eyes at every triumph. So, the DM calls for Rule of Cool - just one wave of the wild shape count, because hiding among the axe beaks is a cool idea, even if Sofina can ultimately see through it. The one axe beak lifts its head at exactly the wrong moment to take the hit meant for Doric - warning shot; the DM wouldn't just kill her like that. She just needs to book it to the gate - if she can make it that far, then the DM will call it a win.

And then there's the last wild shape - a deer. It would give her the speed she needs to outpace Sofina's horse. And Holga had clearly planted the idea in her head. It's too perfect to not use. And probably worth a point of inspiration, at that! The DM has to let it happen now. And besides, she's so close. A few more nail-biting rounds of chase, and Deer-ic power slides under the portcullis and gallops away. Cheering, screaming, claps on the shoulders. Doric's player collapses into her chair, a frazzled mess but the biggest smile on her face. She just had pure, concentrated D&D and now she's hooked. And after the game they can have a talk about how this was an exception for the sake of a good story and rewarding good roleplay.

Of course, nobody can know for sure how the game really happened, or how the writers imagined the D&D game to go. But Honor Among Thieves has such a special balance on the line of the in-universe story and the real world that I think it's good to look at these kinds of gaffs. No DM is perfect, no player is perfect, not everything goes according to plan or in perfect adherence to the rules. But I've said it before and I'll say it again; sometimes that just makes a better story. It's always important to be clear with your players that you won't always have kid gloves with them, but it's also important to make your players feel appreciated and rewarded for their choices, which is ESPECIALLY vital with new players. Their experience in moments like this could make or break the hobby for them; make the experience a good one.

[screenmaven]

Films I’ve Loved This Year

I have already written reviews on some of them (not seen in this post), that you can already read here. So make sure to also do that.

I’m completely laid out in bed extremely sick, I thought between the delusional fevers, bomb exploding headaches, and literally feeling like I’m dying, I’d share the other films I’ve absolutely enjoyed watching this year.

I started up a separate account via Instagram to just post film, but having multiples is beginning to be too much, so from now on any other film content aside from the blog here will be on @ starrymayx.

So to start off the list here we go…

These 90s “Noir” films started my whole new movie Escapades, and I’m so glad they did -

Bad Influence, Guilty As Sin, Pacific Heights, Whispers in The Dark, Dream Lover, Untamed Heart, White Palace

Here are the others…

Thrashin - 1986

Starring: Josh Brolin, Pamela Gidley

Brooke McCarter (RIP homie), Sherilyn Fenn, Robert Rusler, & Josh Richman

Anthony Kiedis + RHCP

Tony Hawk, Kevin Staab, Mike McGill, Jimmy Star

What I liked: There was so much awesomeness in this film and a feel good story of triumph. Basically it’s about two skateboarding gangs, having beef, mix in lots of skating, graffiti, punk rock aesthetics, and a love story, and you have yourself a pretty badass film. Plus they overcome their rivalry in the LA Massacre challenge, and there’s even several rat tails. 🤣 Definitely worth a watch!

I really wish I could skateboard. I would have been so rad. To all my skater friends and Bo’s over the years, mad respect. 🤘🏻

The House on Sorority Row - 1983

Director: Mark Rosman

I swear Scream Queens was influenced by this film.

I really liked it. Loved the lighting, still had a seventies type feel, storyline was really good. Definitely a film to check out if you like really good horror, without all the super special effects.

*For any strobe light sensitive people* like myself out there, there is a scene where it’s wild,

Pump Up The Volume ✊🏻 1990

Director Allan Moyle

This movie is 🔥 Definitely a pioneer for all things talk radio but from a non-narrative perspective. Films like this and indie radio programs paved the way for our now podcasts. I loved the way it was written, the development of the characters personal selves, and breaking the rules.

I love me some Christian Slater 💓

The soundtrack is also amazing!

From Richard Hell, Leonard Cohen, Beastie Boys, Ice T, & more! I’ll link the soundtrack in my stories.

*trigger warning: there is a scene that deals with suicide and those scenes always get me. So I wanted to mention that.

Out of Bounds - 1986

Director- Richard Tuggle

Cinematography - Bruce Surtees

Starring: Anthony Michael Hall

Siouxsie and the Banshees 🤘🏻💓

& Meatloaf (in like 3 scenes)

What I liked: The cinematography of downtown LA & Venice Beach California, (actually the whole film is beautifully done). The 80’s colors, Dizz’s home, her style. The fact that Anthony Michael Hall was a badass hero, taking down a heroin drug man with his knife throwing skills. Really good film.

2 Days in The Valley - 1996

Written and Directed by: John Herzfeld.

Starring: James Spader, Eric Stolz & Charlize Theron

Synopsis: 48 hours of intersecting lives and crimes in The Valley of Los Angeles.

Why I liked it: Artsy Cinematography, James Spader obviously, and the correlation of numerous parties all being connected, going through individual stuff but being thrown into the mix of chaos. Plus sunglasses just seem to add viable cred to it. Why are sunglasses so cool yet mysterious?

Shampoo - 1975

Director: Hal Ashby

Starting Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn, & Warren Beatty

I throughly enjoyed this film mainly due to the Jim Morrison/Sharon Tate style vibes it gave off throughout, and all the stylish decor/fashion. The Morrison looking guy played by (Warren Beatty) is basically a lover to many of his women hair clients (he does hair).

I really appreciate the 70’s swank and aesthetic appeal in this film. I’m also obsessed with Julie Christie’s glam Tate starlet look and I wish I could pull off bangs! Goldie Hawn is also in here and a younger Carrie Fisher.

From the 70s eye shadow, purple outfit I want, the main girls style, glamorous hair, river grotto, la house party with body paint and strobe lights (which that part I had to turn away - sensitive), it still rocked.

Based in the LA canyon/hills it’s definitely worth a watch to see the web of desire and aesthetic unfold. Keep your eye out for the creepy art in one of the scenes that just didn’t quite belong. 😳

Additionally there was some dialogue between two parties in the kitchen about questioning the lead male’s (hairstylist) orientation, and the f word was used a couple times. Didn’t like that part.

Really glad we’ve evolved on how we should identify people and what’s right to say and not to. A person can be gay or even not, but using derogatory terminology to hurt them is very low par. If you still do that. Stop.

Chopping Mall - 1986

Director: Jim Wynorski

Mall Location: Sherman Oaks Galleria

I loved this film. For reals.

Nothing better than a mall unleashing new technology security robots, only to go horribly wrong. Which I already knew where it was going as soon as it started 😂

Anyways a group of mall employee friends and two others throw a party in a bedding home store and get freaky - typical 80s horror, which I love. Then basically the robots go crazy and savage, hunting down all of them in a terminator/stranger things vibe kind of way. The aesthetic, 80s style, and scenery are very appealing, all the way down to even the playboy underwear from Miss Virgina Slims herself. Camel ciggs just won’t cut it. 😂

Lots of greats here, and I hope you check them out if you haven’t seen them.

Happy Filming 😘

[byneddiedingo]

Rosalind Russell and Cary Grant in His Girl Friday (Howard Hawks, 1940)

Cast: Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell, Ralph Bellamy, Gene Lockhart, Porter Hall, Ernest Truex, Cliff Edwards, Clarence Kolb, Roscoe Karns, John Qualen, Helen Mack, Billy Gilbert. Screenplay: Charles Lederer, based on a play by Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur. Cinematography: Joseph Walker. Art direction: Lionel Banks. Film editing: Gene Havlick. Music: Sidney Cutner, Felix Mills.

I can never make a list of my ten favorite movies because once I get started I keep remembering the ones that absolutely have to be on the list. But His Girl Friday always claims a place somewhere, higher or lower. It's a movie without which life would be just a little poorer. The play on which it's based, The Front Page, was no slouch to start with. Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur crafted the single best portrait of what it might have been like -- according to the accounts of others -- to be a newspaper reporter in the first half of the twentieth century, when there was neither television nor the internet to make one's profession obsolescent. We don't have to believe that it was always like that, but just that occasionally reporters in the big cities had moments like the ones shown in the movie. And then Charles Lederer, with uncredited help from Hecht, Howard Hawks, Morrie Ryskind, and a cast skilled at ad libbing, turned it into a romantic screwball comedy by changing the sex of one of the leads, Hildy Johnson, from male to female. And after lots of actresses who would have been just fine in the part (Katharine Hepburn, Carole Lombard, Irene Dunne, Jean Arthur) turned it down, Hawks cast Rosalind Russell in probably her greatest role. Is there a better matched team than Russell's Hildy and Cary Grant's Walter Burns? We can see both why they got divorced and why they could never be separated. And adding Ralph Bellamy as the patsy was a masterstroke, even though it's essentially the same role he had played three years earlier in The Awful Truth (Leo McCarey, 1937): the stuffy guy who loses out to Grant, perhaps because, as Burns observes, "He looks like that guy in the movies, you know ... Ralph Bellamy." The whole thing moves so brilliantly fast that you don't have time to reflect on the film's flaws, which include a racist gag about "pickaninnies" and a deep confusion about whether it's satirizing or valorizing its characters' callous indifference to other human beings -- notably the moment when Hildy sardonically refers to her fellow reporters as "Gentlemen of the press" after their harassment of Mollie Malloy (Helen Mack), but then immediately reverts to get-the-story-at-any-price behavior. What keeps it all skimming swiftly above reality is the astonishing skill of the leads (notice how long some of the takes are to realize how great their timing and command of dialogue was) and a gallery of great character players: Gene Lockhart, Roscoe Karns, John Qualen, and especially the hilarious Billy Gilbert as Joe Pettibone: If you can tear your eyes away from him long enough, watch how hard Grant and Russell are working to keep from cracking up at his performance. Oh, hell, stop whatever you're doing and just go watch it.  

[kierreras]

so, i think that there is one major flaw that made this season less enjoyable than others (except big john cause we all agree that his whole storyline is a disaster). the lack of pogues interactions was so noticeable. i absolutely adore each and every couple and i’m really glad that the writers gave them time to bond and develop romantic connections, but this show is first and foremost about friendship. we have pogues separated for the most part of the season. the first time we have john b/jj interaction past poguelandia is episode six. six!!! they are supposed to be best friends, but john b is preoccupied with his father’s gold obsession for the most part to even acknowledge that his best friend could be homeless. the same goes for his girlfriend. he didn’t show any interest in where sarah is staying, whether she has food, etc.  how many times the pogues were at the chateau this season? i can count two - when they reunited with big john in episode six and after john b was released from the police department in episode eight. i always considered twinkie and chateau as characters, honestly. however, this season the only pogue beside jb that was in twinkie is jj. it feels like the whole group dynamic was somehow sidelined. and i don’t think that it has something to do with couples getting some focus, because we also kind of had relationships storylines which were mixed with group dynamics without any problems in previous seasons. this season we havr a huge treasure hunt which kind of ruins the whole vibe. those local gold/cross treasure hunts were cringey in some ways, but they have one element that el dorado doesn’t have - we have a connection with them throughout one of the pogues. el dorado is big john’s focus, so it explains why we as viewers don’t feel some sort of investment into that storyline. i think that the lack of friendship moments is also to be blamed on limited screentime (the huge amount of which was wasted on el dorado). we literally had some scenes cut - like sarah talking to pope and cleo about rafe coming back (there was a bts of cline, jd and laci in their episode four outfits outside of heywards). also, in episode seven we could have had sarah and kie talk heart to heart, but that time sarah somehow decided to ignore kiara’s worry for jj. it was such a good moment for girls to bond through boys troubles, but i guess adding another singh “you know” line was more important. also, i really think that we were robbed on pogues interactions in general. like are pope and john b even aware that jj is basically homeless? if pope knows, why didn’t he invite jj to heywards as well? i’m sure jj doesn’t need the whole room to himself, but a simple place to sleep and eat would be nice. 

moving to sarah and jj. just imagine if jj was home when sarah came after being rejected by carreras? i would give everything to see them co-living for at least one episode! by the way, about carreras, kie simply lets sarah go after her parents acted like jerks and threw away a homeless sixteen years old girl. kind of unbelievable for me, but i understand that this whole thing happened so that sarah could accidentally meet topper. there was an opportunity to show the girls bond. was there at least one friendship moment with any of the girls with cleo? it’s such a waste. also, kie saw something between pope and cleo and she could have teased them about it. and do not even get me started on jiara interrupting cleope’s kiss and not saying anything. jj keeping his mouth shut? never heard of it. again, the whole group not having any reaction about kitty hawk? guys, your best friend was sent away and you are just acting like it’s not a big deal? by the way, i understand why many people like episode five. it has this chaotic vibe from earlier seasons. pogues (minus john b) are finally on the mission together and it is pure cinematography. we got their chaotic energy again, a bunch of friendly fights, comedic moments. and these things were exactly what attracted so many viewers in the first place. also, personally i was interested in this mission because pogues were there to get the cross, an artifact that really mattered to one of the characters. so once again viewers are emotionally invested in the mission. whereas there are no emotional investment in el dorado plot. i think in general friendship vibe was present in the first episode and somewhat in the end of episode eight. lack of pogues in the finale is very palpable and it sucks because we have so many wasted opportunities here. i will forever mourn that we didn’t have surfing scenes, hammock scenes, legendary obx parties like boneyard or kegger. still, let’s hope that in next season we will get back our pogues friendship moments. we were absolutely robbed this season, guys.

[cronengirly]

So I just saw the new Blumhouse flick, The Black Phone.

I'll get it out of the way and say: I thought it was pretty good. Seems like everyone involved knew what they were doing, nothing egregiously wrong with it. Solid cinematography and sound design, thematically resonant, even some mostly good performances from the child actors involved. And of course, Ethan Hawke portrayed The Grabber PHENOMENALLY.

All that out of the way, some spoiler talk, mostly focusing on my favorite element of the film, and the one I can critique the most, The Grabber himself.

Immediately, I was interested when I saw this mask. Designed by horror effects master Tom Savini himself. It does a lot for the character, obscuring his features and muffling his voice. It adds to his sinister presence. But what makes it really unique is that it isn't really one mask!

The mask is composed of 4 separate pieces, as far as I can tell. One eye piece and three interchangeable mouths that can be attached to it, or worn as separate masks. This allows the pieces to be subbed out, allowing for more expression on Hawke's part, or a less muffled voice, without entirely removing the mask from the equation.

Now, on to what I think is a weaker part: it seems like they had competing ideas of what the grabber would be, and they chose an awkward compromise.

There are moments where the grabber is meant to come off as frightening and mysterious, but we the audience know he's just some guy with a black van and a coked up conspiracy theorist brother living upstairs who's too stupid to realize the killer he's obsessed with is living under the same roof.

There are allusions to the grabber having some troubled childhood, possibly abused in a way he reenacts on his victims (whipped with a belt) and interestingly paralleled by the abuse our protagonists suffer at the hands of their own father. There's probably something here trying to be said about the cycle of abuse, which Finney, the kidnapped boy the film follows, breaks by escaping The Grabber.

This could work really well, making the grabber another abused child, the person who Finney could become, his father's already become, that he needs to choose to be better than. Buuut... No. That idea is never really expanded on, the film kills the comic relief brother who could have enlightened us as quickly and abruptly as it introduces him.

It also feels like at some point in the writing the brother, Max, may have been an alternate persona of The Grabber (who interestingly is never named as anything else), but if this is the case it was probably dropped early on, the brother a bizarre vestige of a script deemed too similar to Split or Malignant.

Oh, also The Grabber and both protagonists are psychic. This is never really explained beyond throwaway lines and an insinuation that their mother had similar abilities which drove her to suicide, or that their father drove her to it by gaslighting her about her psychic abilities. It's... Kinda dumb, tbh.

Most of the sister's storyline could have been cut, along with the Grabber's brother, and nothing of substance would be lost. They had literally no influence on the final outcome of the film. Seriously, if you watched it, think back. Those plot threads lead nowhere.

Anyway, 6/10, it was a fun watch, Ethan Hawke was great, iconic mask, a story that could have benefited from a sequel hook if we're being honest.

The Grabber would make a better slasher than kidnapper.

[fluffykitteninabox]

My thoughts on MHA s6 ep17:

⚠️Spoilers (obviously) ⚠️

Alright let's get all my emotions about the episode out of the way first:

OMGFXFJCJFXGJGXUC THEY WERE SO CUTE OMG GUYS DID YOU SEE BABY NATSUO?? HE WAS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE THING AND FUYUMI WAS SO CUTE WITH HER LITTLE DRUM AND FXFJXIGCGJCU BABY SHOUTO OMG HE WAS SO ROUND!! AND TOUYA'S LITTLE FEET TAPPING WHEN HE WAS EXCITED😭😭HE WAS JUST A CHILD OMG 😭THEY WERE ALL JUST CHILDREN!!😭😭I'M HEARTBROKEN!!

ok...

Now about the episode. I think it has some of the best cinematography I have ever seen in my hero academia!

I'm going to gush a little. Bones decided they wanted to start experimenting with the animation and I'm here for it!

First they gave us A GREY SKY last episode and then this episode we get shots like these:

I am LOVING these Dutch angles and the camera spins.

THE COLOUR CONTRAST OH MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD!!!

It looks like Touya literally opened the door to hell in that shot!!

It's fucking amazing!!!

I hope they continue to experiment with lightning and creative angles like this in future episodes too, It really elevates the scene.

The one animation thing I will complain about (which is a real nitpick) is the single blood tear.

Hori gave us this nicely composed shot of the blood tear dropping as we transition from the panel of Dabi on the couch to a panel of the Todoroki household.

The way they animated this it shows the blood flowing down his face but then we cut to black hearing the sound of the droplet, before cutting to the shot of the Todoroki household.

Again this is a real fucking nitpick. They still shot it in a creative way, it's just not how I would have preferred it. I wish we saw the droplet landing or something. Especially because there's multiple other instances in this episode where they cut to black for dramatic effect, so taking out this one wouldn't change much.

They also changed the doctor. I remember everyone theorising that in the scene where Endeavor and Rei go to a doctor about Touya's condition that it was Ujiko.

And in the manga where we only got one not very detailed shot from behind, he really did look like that. However in the episode they changed that completely.

In the manga he looked bald, so I can see why people thought it was Ujiko. And personally I like that idea more since it fits with what we learn later about Touya in chapter 350.

AFO and the doctor would need to keep a close eye on him for AFO to appear and take Touya when the Sekoto incident happened. They were waiting for this. So showing "maybe Ujiko" as the doctor that Endeavor and Rei consulted was a neat little bit of foreshadowing.

They also reanimated the ball scene. In the season 2 version of the flashback they made Touya's hair red (even though it's white in the manga). I think that's why there was so much confusion about his hair colour in the fandom.

In the new version of the flashback they changed his hair back to white to fit the timeline of his loss of melanin better. I'm wondering if they're going to change the season 2 flashback too now or if it's just going to stay in as a continuity mistake.

I mean obviously the DVDs for season 2 have been out for long, so it would cost them a lot to fix it now. So they're probably not going to, which is understandable.

Something I didn't expect to like this episode was Hawks!!

I mean, I still don't exactly like his decision to help Endeavor. I don't like how Horikoshi keeps inserting him into the Todoroki side plot in general (as I've said many times)

But I liked the comedic relief he kind of provided. I think it wasn't as good in the manga, but here when they added the silly robot voice and him furiously typing on his phone! I think it worked a lot better in the episode.

Overall I really liked the episode, I think its quality is a lot better than the average my hero episode, even if there's not a lot of "premium treatment" scenes. That's what I like to call when the animation gets really smooth which usually happens in fight scenes, or in the intro.

The cinematography was visually intresting and that made panels that aren't really anything special in the manga, look absolutely amazing.

Again the scene where Touya opens the door to go outside.

It looks cool in the manga but I didn't think the animators would do anything other than colour these panels and slap some generic background behind the door. But they exceeded my expectations this time.

Even the shots of Touya training in the forest

LOOK AT THAT! WE HAVE A DARK NIGHT SKY IN MY HERO ACADEMIA!!

Not as shocking as the grey sky we got last week (OMG STILL HAVEN'T FULLY PROCESSED THIS) but still impressive by bones standards!

I mean I was half expecting them to just make him train midday with a bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds in the background!!

But look at how interesting and good my hero academia looks when the animators get some creative freedom and play around with the lighting and angles and the colours.

I wish every episode could look like this.

ok ok I'm done gushing about the animation now! 😂

Loved the episode

episode good 👍👍

more of that please!!

[cc-tinslebee]

The Mighty Ducks re-watch commentary you didn’t ask for:

Charlie was such a little pipsqueak in this movie and I love him-

“Barely human” hmmm, I smell foreshadowing

That good Jesse & Ducks dynamic that I missed dearly!!

“I’ll take care of it.” Jesse being SUPER protective of District Five and not taking any of the Hawks’ racist shit. Iconic of him.

Goldberg: “I’m moving back to Philly” so that was a fucking lie

Averman, my beloved- no thoughts, only the scenes where Averman’s just providing golden and random commentary

Connie!! She really said she’s the responsible one!!

Gordon: I’m sure they’re very nice names. I might even learn them.”

Charlie: >:O

These gremlin children woke up that day and chose violence. Good for them.

Charlie really fell on the car floor and just decided not to get up. Legend.

GET HIS ASS, CASEY

Coach Reilly: We’re both adults, you can call me Jack.

Gordon: I don’t think you understand how much I can’t do that

casually dropping that bomb of Adam being the best player on the Hawks + calling Adam the Ducks’ star player

Adam going from a colossal jerk for no reason to the quiet boy we know and love. Iconic of him.

Charlie, struggling up from his bad fall:

Adam deciding to check him directly in the back for some reason:

Goldberg just giving up is such a mood (“we need a new goalie” D2: you called?)

The way we don’t actually see Adam’s face until his coach is praising him for the play. Cinematography at its finest.

Gordon chastising Charlie for disobeying his play 🤝 Alex chiding the Don’t Bothers for disobeying her call to keep Logan out of the game

Charlie Conway taking NO coach’s shit since 1992

Okay, Fulton never DENIED that he was getting sports scholarships, he just said just because people talk, doesn’t mean it’s true. Hmmm

Tammy and Tommy!! I missed you!!

No thoughts, just the egg scene

Goldberg, our Jewish king!!

Imagine going to the mall and this pack of ten year olds are just wreaking havoc everywhere

In my first watch, I thought Guy and Connie were kinda rushed, but looking back, there’s a lot of really nice, subtle hints here and there.

Fulton: steps onto the ice

Everyone else: [fear]

Adam: no fear

Phillip: my son would rather not play than play for your team

Adam: one fear

Charlie: gets checked really badly by Adam

Charlie: opposes Adam joining the team

Also Charlie once Adam arrives: On behalf of the Ducks, I’d like to say welcome—

Charlie’s just so sweet and charming- talking to Gordon about his past, trying to set him up with his mom-

Karp should really learn not to insult people’s mothers-

Ducksworth doing a complete 180 in personality (GORDON’S COMEBACK, WHAT A LEGEND)

Peter and Terry, my underrated legends

Not to be dramatic, but Adam and Charlie’s first hug on the ice was SO sweet. Charlie really said, “well SOMEONE’S gotta be here for this guy, it might as well be me.”

Charlie being an absolute champ and trying to set up Gordon with his mother

That one Hawk just smirking maliciously at poor Adam- what’s your problem, man??

“What’d you do?” “My job.” SIR, YOU’RE TEN

JESSE AND ADAM SOLIDARITY!! ADAM PATTING CHARLIE AND GUY AS HE’S CARTED OFF

FULTON REALLY SAID WOMEN HAVE RIGHTS AND MCGILL DOES N O T

Fuck, man, Gordon’s encouragement to Charlie before the penalty shot makes me so happy

Casey and Gordon: kiss

Charlie: :O

Joshua Jackson and Vincent LaRusso for some odd reason: we are going to exchange touches that are so goddamn tender

[laal-ishq-diaries]

jamming out to 90’s bollywood || mha guys [entry i]

december 22, 2020

writer’s note: this is idea has been living rent-free in my head and it’s completely based on what i personally associate with each of the mha guys when i’m jamming. some of these songs may be from the early 2000’s but it has similar vibes (and artists and actors) as the 90’s so close enough. and yes, this is the first entry out of multiple featuring different mha guys. enjoy!

warnings: all characters are aged 18+

SHOUTO TODOROKI

for shouto, being in love is an inconvenience because he falls hard. he went from a focused and motivated young man to thinking about you all the damn time. his friends don’t notice, at first, because shouto does tend to keep to himself but spacing out during class or training is quite unlike him. and don’t get me started on his sleep—absolutely restless. he’s consumed by thoughts of your wellbeing, your beauty, your voice. on one particularly fitful night, shouto heads to the common area for reprieve and finds you quietly singing chori chori sapnon mein. after sharing the meaning of the lyrics to him (“someone quietly sneaks into my dreams and keeps me up all night”), he can’t find a more fitting song to describe his love for you.

NEITO MONOMA

remember the play he put on during the school festival? well, imagine that level of drama on x games when bindiya chamke comes on. you and neito will dance around your shared home on a lazy day (probably in pajamas) and alternate between following the choreography and just running into each other’s arms and twirling around, giggling and smiling the entire time. also, all of the lyrics are memorized and perfectly belted out. this man intends to serenade you so expect him to grab your hand, spin you into his arms, and sing “arre dil yeh de doon, jaan bhi de doon // kar de agar tu ishaare” (aka “give me a sign and i’ll give you my heart and life”) while leaning down to kiss you.

HITOSHI SHINSOU

ishq kamina is definitely his favorite throwback bollywood song, mostly because of how your hips move in time with the beat and your sensual whispers of “ishq, ishq, ha.” shinsou can’t decide whether he wants to continue watching the show you put on for him from afar or hold your hips from behind and join you. dancing isn't his forte but he can't deny that the way your body moves against his is as equally intoxicating as it is amusing.

TAMAKI AMAJIKI

from the beat to the lyrics to the cinematography, pyar kiya to nibhana is the epitome of sweet. your relationship with tamaki is filled with soft touches and gentle reassurances that you’ll always be there for each other. pyar kiya to nibhana is a testament that you’ll never stray far away from him, and vice versa. in fact, a good end to a particularly stressful day would be the two of you cuddling under blankets with tamaki resting his chin on the top of your head and running his fingers through your hair while you hum the tune of this song.

KEIGO TAKAMI ~ HAWKS

akhiyaan milaoon kabhi is playful and cute, but also super romantic—similar to keigo. he catches you, one day, dancing around your home like a dork and singing lyrics to photographs of him about how he has “casted spells [on you]” or how his gaze has made you “blossom.” keigo will tease you non-stop but a surefire way to get him to shut up is to lip-sync the female singer’s parts while gazing up at him from under your eyelashes. (“dheere dheere duniya se door hui // ishq mein tere main toh choor hui” aka “I slowly became separated from the world and devoted in your love” always gets him weak in the knees).

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 11: In Dreams (originally posted on March 29, 2021)

AN: Hope you all packed your bags dear readers, cause we're gonna go on a real trip. One of my initial ideas for Alternate Future was with the addition as Aquamarine as a more major antagonist, we'd also have a mini-character arc about Peridot blaming herself for Steven's capture at the end of Season 4 even years later, which I felt was kind of a waste of possible character development for the little nacho. Regardless, it's time I finally see it through myself. And trust me, I'm really gonna put Peri through the wringer.

Synopsis: Steven's dream powers start acting up when he and Peridot want to watch TV.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven, Stefan

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Johnny Hawkes as Cookie Cat, Rodrigo

Marieve Hernington as Jasmine

Della Saba as Marine, Aquamarine

--

The night was dark as Steven strolled through Beach City on his way home after a long day until he heard music. Racing to the beach house, he discovered that colorful flashing lights and loud music were coming from inside the house, and that got him super excited.

"All right!" Steven gasped cheerfully. "Now that I've saved the universe, I finally get to party!" When he raced to his front window, Steven could see all his friends inside dancing the night away. Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl, Lars and the Off-Colors, Lapis, Bismuth & Peridot, Connie, even Onion was breaking it down. Before he could join the fun, however, the door and windows suddenly vanished, leaving behind an empty wooden wall. "Huh? Hey guys, let me in! This isn't funny!"

"STEVEN!" a booming voice echoed from above. When Steven looked up, he discovered that Obsidian's head was replaced with a giant Cookie Cat looking down on him with a taunting grin. "NOBODY NEEDS YOUR HELP! SO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

"What?!" Steven cried before the porch opened up like a trap door under him, forcing the boy to fall through the sky screaming.

--

"STEVEN! STEVEN!"

A little voice broke Steven out of slumber and back into the real world in his bedroom. "Why do I keep having these dreams?" he mused to himself. "Are they telling me something?"

"STEVEN, OPEN UP!" the voice cried out while pounding on the door.

"Peridot?" Steven began to recognize the green Gem's nasally voice as he walked downstairs and let the former Kindergartener in.

"STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN!" Peridot chanted, beetling in place while holding popcorn and drinks. "Today's the big day! Did you tape the premiere?!"

"What premiere? I have no idea what you're talking about." Steven said coyly.

"But you promised me!" Peridot whined, not realizing that her half-organic friend might be joking.

"Oh, you mean the premiere of the reboot of the classic Great North teen camping drama Camp Pining Hearts that I recorded," Steven revealed as he pulled out a VHS tape. "on this very tape?"

Peridot gasped at the mere mention of the show she had awaited for so long and began squealing excitedly. "Yes, it's finally here!"

"THE RETURN OF CAMP PINING HEARTS!" the pair declared joyfully.

--

Steven and Peridot raced upstairs to watch the Camp Pining Hearts reboot when Steven realized someone was missing. "Hey, where's Lapis? I thought she was a big fan of CPH as you are."

"Oh, she declined to attend our viewing because she feels this reboot will be an abomination." Peridot answered as she sat down at the foot of Steven's bed. "You know that United Defenders of the World show? She really likes that too, and that's gotten a reboot much like Camp Pining Hearts, but she doesn't like how that is so dark and depressing because apparently, it's more adult. I mean, come on! Can't we go one minute without any intense violence or Mangolin yelling so many nasty wo-"

"What, she's not coming because one show clouds her judgment of another?" Steven rolled his eyes at Peridot's explanation while putting the tape into his VHS player. "That's a little silly. But I'm glad you were still able to come because I've been having these weird dreams lately. Like, are any of them real or-"

"That's not important Steven!" Peridot shut her fellow fan's mouth. "Now press play already you monster!"

Steven chuckled for a bit before he started the tape, and the theme song for the Camp Pining Hearts reboot began to play while two attractive young actors were credited for the roles of its leads, Jasmine and Rodrigo. Steven excitedly ate popcorn while Peridot waved a Great North flag around as the show began.

--

Fifty-two minutes later, the credits finally rolled, and Steven & Peridot were left stunned, silent, and disappointed.

"L-Lapis warned me, and I didn't listen." Peridot quivered in shock.

"W-what?" Steven added, just as horrified. "What…."

"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!" the pair roared in unison.

"What is with that Rodrigo guy?!" Peridot began complaining and clawing at her face. "He has no charisma! He is clearly inferior to the old cast!"

"And can we just talk about the cinematography?" Steven added just as furiously while Peridot got up and marched towards the TV.

"They changed all the characters, and I don't care about any one of them!" Peridot threw a tantrum and began venting by picking up the set & slamming it to the ground. "How could this happen to us?!" she began to cry her eyes out on the television. "Camp Pining Hearts was my escape when I first arrived on Earth, when my whole world was nothing but chaos!"

"CPH brought us all together." Steven comforted his green friend, though he was sobbing as well.

"And now, just look at this nightmare!" Peridot yelled with a hand to the TV screen when it stopped showing the Camp Pining Hearts reboot. Instead, it began playing Steven's dream from last night. "Wait, Steven, when were you ever an actor?"

"What? No, they didn't!" Steven exclaimed as the dream continued on television. "Is this my dreams?" When Steven watched himself fall from the beach house in his dream, the TV then switched back to Camp Pining Hearts. "Whoa! My dream powers must be messing with the TV signal!"

"How in the world is that even possible?!" Peridot raised an eyebrow at this revelation, but it also gave her an idea. "Wait just a second. Steven, you realize what this means?!"

"I should start wearing a tinfoil hat?" Steven asked, unaware of what the little genius had planned.

"No!" Peridot answered. "If we use your dream powers on the TV, we can make our own Camp Pining Hearts! We'll reboot the reboot!"

"Reboot the reboot?" Steven realized and excitedly stood up. "Peridot, you're a genius!"

"I know." Peridot smugly declared.

"Plus, it would be really fun to fix something small this time." Steven said before Peridot wrapped a lime-colored arm around his neck.

"This shall be the beginning of Peridot & Steven Productions!" Peridot triumphantly declared.

"Yeah!" Steven added, and then he fell from Peridot's grasp.

--

Later that day, Steven and Peridot were now standing in front of a whiteboard detailing all their plans for fixing the Camp Pining Hearts Reboot, bouncing more plans off each other in regards to shipping.

"So Peridot, you think Jasmine's endgame should be Khaz or Rodrigo?" Steven asked Peridot while looking at a web of pictures of the characters from the reboot.

"It seems the characters are trying to railroad us into a Jasrigo relationship, despite turning everyone else into complete jerks just because they don't agree with-" Peridot began, but then she started getting irritated. "Gah, these characters have no chemistry together! It's like they're being shipped just because they're the leading man and woman!"

"Just can't get into Rodrigo, eh?" Steven asked his writing partner.

"He's just so passive and quiet, it's positively irritating!" Peridot yelled. "He has none of the old cast's personalities that made them so memorable!"

"Sure he may be really quiet and soft," Steven assured Peridot. "but what if we try to do something with his social anxiety and peanut allergy despite them not being connected to the larger story, like make him a foil?"

"A foil, you say?" Peridot raised an eyebrow at Steven's idea. "Okay, I'm listening."

"I got it!" Steven declared before he sat down in front of some pencils and paper and began to draw. "I call him Stefan." He began explaining while drawing. "He's a hunky lifeguard friend with nice muscles that everyone likes and wants to hang out with. His popularity is both a blessing and a curse, yet always makes time to help his buddy Rodrigo boost his confidence." He handed his final drawing over to Peridot, which turned out to be a sketch of a more muscular Steven.

"So he's like your self-insert!" Peridot beamed at her friend's work. "I like your ideas, Stefan!"

--

As night fell, Steven got back into bed with a bowl of chili in his lap while Peridot inserted the tape into the VCR player.

"Uh, why are you eating at bedtime?" Peridot questioned Steven's choice of a bedtime meal.

"Oh, you mean my chili?" Steven replied, gesturing to the chili in his hands. "I read that eating spicy stuff before bed makes your dreams super vivid."

"I appreciate your initiative, fellow creator." Peridot grinned at Steven's idea while he continued eating his chili.

"Thanks, Peridot." Steven thanked Peridot before putting the bowl on his nightstand and tucking himself in. "Okay, good night."

"Good night Steven. But remember," Peridot said as she started whispering into Steven's ear. "action-orientated storytelling."

--

"Hey Jasmine, I hear you love birds." A tanned, muscular version of Steven said flirtatiously to a cute brown-haired girl examining a bird perched in her hand.

"Sure Stefan." Jasmine giggled cutely.

"Well, a little birdie told me downstream that there's a special island somewhere 'round here." Stefan replied, leaning against a tree and giving Jasmine a wink while pointing offscreen. "I hear it's full of rare specimens."

"Did you hear that?" Jasmine gasped elatedly. "Thank you so much Stefan!" Stefan responded by giving Jasmine another wink.

Meanwhile, Rodrigo was by himself at a campsite reading an instructional book on how to date when Stefan came racing to him.

"Rodrigo, I've got terrible news!" Stefan exclaimed, catching Rodrigo's attention. "Jasmine's in danger!"

"Wait, what?!" Rodrigo did a double-take in response.

"She's headed for that island full of dangerous birds!" Stefan revealed, propping one foot on a rock and dramatically pointing to the river nearby. "But if we go downstream, we can surely save her!"

"Okay Stefan, you're the best!" Rodrigo shouted. "Let's go save Jasmine!"

The pair raced for a pair of canoes docked close to the campsite and began rowing through the river to rescue Jasmine.

"Thanks for telling me Jasmine was in trouble Stefan, you're such a great guy." Rodrigo complimented Stefan.

"You're welcome Rodrigo." Stefan replied gratefully. "You're pretty great yourself, y'know, great enough for Jasmine to like you."

"You really mean it?" Rodrigo asked eagerly.

"I can tell by the way she looks at," Stefan began, but then he started getting sidetracked by Blue Diamond with the body of a dolphin, a gargantuan pineapple with Yellow Diamond's face on it, and a pair of White Diamond's feet right next to the fruit. "you? Huh?"

"Stefan, is something the matter?" Rodrigo asked Stefan, or rather Steven, who had now replaced Stefan in the dream.

"Oh no, not again!" Steven began panicking as he started to glow pink yet again, not knowing how things ended up like this.

--

As Steven woke up in his bed, he found Peridot standing at the side of his bed, looking very excited at how the experiment went.

"Oh my stars Steven, you did it!" Peridot cheered excitedly. "You just fell asleep and started turning pink, which started happening in the dream! Here, I'll show you!" She then ran over to the TV and began playing Steven's dream again. "Our script, our story, it's on the television and it's wonderful!" she kept on praising. "Not sure what you were going for with that bizarre imagery towards the end but I'll admit, seeing Yellow Diamond's face on a pineapple made me laugh."

Amid Peridot's eagerness, however, Steven then started to get drowsy again.

"Steven, are you okay?" Peridot asked with concern.

"Sorry Peri, just feeling a little off." Steven assured her. "Maybe eating that chili wasn't a great idea."

"Yeah yeah, don't believe everything you read online and all that." Peridot japed. "We got none of the money in the world, and all the time in our hands. Hey, I've got a great idea of my own! Picture this, a mysterious young woman with a teardrop tattoo on her face arrives at the camp because she wants to kidnap Stefan for her own dark designs. But before she can succeed, Pierre from the original Camp Pining Hearts comes in to save the day!"

"Uh, okay then." Steven replied awkwardly while trying to make himself comfortable. "But you're right, let's pull off a do-over. We can try as many times as we want until we get it right."

"Less talking, more sleeping." Peridot pushed a star-shaped pillow into Steven's chest and forced him onto his mattress before pulling his eyelids down.

--

Every time Steven went to sleep, he was back to canoeing with Rodrigo to rescue Jasmine. And every time, Rodrigo was replaced in his canoes by some very unexpected characters.

The first time this happened, Rodrigo was suddenly replaced by Dogcopter, of all things. As Dogcopter flew off using the propeller on his back, Stefan reached out to the flying canine before Steven awakened with bags under his eyes.

The second time, Rodrigo's place was taken by Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. The three Gems then flew away from Stefan just like Dogcopter did, and Stefan cried out for them before Steven woke up yet again, and the bags were starting to get darker.

The third time, Rodrigo didn't disappear. Instead, he started getting more unnerved as Spinel's massive Injector was present in the background, and Stefan was suddenly replaced with Steven as a baby.

Suddenly, a young woman with a teardrop tattoo on her face, just like what Peridot had described, snatched the baby Steven from the canoe with a maniacal laugh before Pierre, who now looked like he had green-lensed glasses and triangular hair, boldly stepped in and stood up to the woman.

Steven once again woke up, his baggy eyes now at their darkest, while Peridot just sighed in defeat.

--

The next morning, Steven sat down to some cereal and milk in the kitchen when Peridot suddenly appeared with a big stack of papers in front of her. "Uh, what's all this?"

"I've concluded that a script just wasn't working!" Peridot proudly announced. "So I've decided to take a more visual approach and made a whole series of storyboards for us to use! Besides, I've seen tons of cartoons use more storyboards than scripts, for better or for worse."

"You made all of these in one night?' Steven gasped in amazement at the triangular Gem's feat while looking through the storyboards.

"Duh, I'm good at everything!" Peridot bragged. "Now please study these in preparation for tonight."

"Hey, I got a question." Steven said while putting out one of the storyboards that featured the same tattooed woman from his dream. "Who's this girl, and why does Pierre look so much like you now?"

"Uh, that's Marine, Pierre's new arch-foe!" Peridot answered, awkwardly twiddling her fingers and looking in every conceivable direction. "She is totally not based on anyone we've met before."

"Are you sure?" Steven asked suspiciously while flicking through more storyboards featuring Marine. "Cause her haircut and location of her tattoo kinda reminds me of Aq-" Suddenly, he stopped to discover a new storyboard of Stefan having a romantic moment with Jasmine. "Wait, why is Stefan kissing Jasmine?"

"It's perfect!" Peridot yelled eagerly. "Right as Rodrigo is about to save Stefan from this reverse damsel in distress situation, he discovers that Jasmine got to him first, and they're already kissing too! Imagine, Jasmine defying gender clichés to save Stefan, unaware that they're stroking the fires of Rodrigo's jealousy!"

"I can't do Rodrigo this dirty!" Steven objected to the idea. "It's not only a betrayal of the friendship we gave him and Stefan, but it's also poor romantic drama too!"

"Whoa, take it easy Steven, they're just characters. No need to become so addicted to their love lives!" Peridot tried to excuse herself. "This is a story, and a good story needs conflict!"

"No, I still don't want to do this!" Steven declared angrily, startling Peridot before she came to an understanding.

"Look Steven, I can see you're pretty worn out from last night." Peridot said sadly as she began to get up and walk away. "Let's just scrap the whole project."

"What?" Steven replied in shock.

"There's really no point in continuing if it stresses you out that much." Peridot sighed as she grabbed the door handle. "Besides, I got classes to teach at Little Homeworld anyway."

But when Peridot was close to opening the front door and leaving the house, a flash of pink convinced Steven to change his mind. "No, wait!" he exclaimed, stopping the little Gem in her tracks. "I'll do the scene."

"Really?!" Peridot turned back with a cute smile and stars in her eyes.

"Anything to make you happy." Steven replied wearily. Though he was happy that Peridot was happy, he let out a heavy sigh as he was forced to put his friends before himself yet again.

--

"Oh no, that dastardly Marine has Stefan captured!" Rodrigo cried as he quickly rowed downstream to save his dear friend. "Jasmine said she's going to help him, but I haven't heard from her since!"

But just as Rodrigo finished his sentence, he finally found Stefan and Jasmine safe from harm, while Marine was left tied up beside them.

"You won't get away with this Stefan!" Marine yelled before she noticed Rodrigo, and had another fiendish idea in the works. "Hey Rodrigo, look! Your best friend's a cheater!"

"What?!" Rodrigo exclaimed, staring straight at Stefan and Jasmine kissing passionately. "Stefan, how could you?!"

"Rodrigo, this isn't what it looks like!" Stefan cried to Rodrigo in Steven's voice, but he wasn't there. And neither were Jasmine and Marine. And right before Stefan was a very angry-looking Connie. "Connie?"

Suddenly, Connie began to grow into the size of a giant and then turned into Obsidian. Stefan meanwhile was turned back into Steven as the Connie-Obsidian hybrid raised a foot and lowered it to crush him.

--

Steven then woke up in his old room wearing his old pajamas. Just like in the real world, Peridot remained by his side watching the television, but she was eerily silent, a far cry from her usual smug and loud yet cheerful nature.

"Peridot, my dreams are going nuts!" Steven informed Peridot while getting out of bed and walking over to her. "First everyone disappeared, then Jasmine turned into Connie, and she tried to squish me which is how I ended up here!" However, Peridot said nothing and continued facing the television. "Peridot?" Steven asked as he grabbed the green Gem's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

When Steven turned Peridot to face him, her visor and gem were now filled with SMPTE color bars and her expression showed no emotion at all. Steven's old bedroom abruptly vanished, and his PJs turned into his normal clothes as he noticed Peridot emotionlessly marching towards the beach house from the dream he woke up from the previous day. "Peridot!"

"Oh, poor little Steven." A familiar bratty voice called to Steven as he chased after Peridot. From the clouds came Aquamarine, still as haughty as ever and now in possession of her wand once more. "Don't you see? It's all her fault that I kidnapped you, that you had to learn all those horrible things about your mother! And yet not once did her blatant betrayal ever come up again."

"You don't know Peridot like I do, you little twerp!" Steven yelled at Aquamarine as he gained on Peridot, who was about to open the front door. "She's changed ever since we first met. She once tried to kill me like every other Gem who's ever antagonized me, but now she's become so sweet and funny!"

"Oh please, just because you like her now doesn't mean you should completely forget about all the ways she's harmed you." Aquamarine taunted before she restrained Steven with a tractor beam, but his iron will allowed him to resist as he tried to stop Peridot.

"Please Peri, don't go in there!" Steven strained from resisting the tractor beam and reached out to Peridot. "I still really want to hang out with you!" Just then, the floor disappeared beneath Steven and Peridot just like in the earlier dream. Peridot seemingly floated in midair while Steven leaped to the edge of the porch and continued reaching out to her, as the front of the house turned into color bars as well. "We always had something to fix together! The Cluster, the Diamonds, Spinel, but I don't know how I can be anyone's friend without something to fix!"

"Why can't you just surrender already?!" Aquamarine yelled as she tried to reel Steven in like a fish. "Your suffering is all because of her, and she's felt so worthless because of you!" Unfortunately for her, the tractor beam broke and the small, flying Gem was catapulted away from the pair. "We'll meet again brat!"

"I-I just can't do it anymore!" Steven cried to Peridot, unaware of the dream version of Aquamarine's failure to catch him. "I'm just so tired, and now I'm even trying to fix something in my dreams!" He soon started to cry as he got closer to Peridot. "I'm sorry I can't do this for you! Just please don't leave me!"

Peridot remained stoic as Steven kept on grasping for her. "Don't…leave."

The dream ended just like a VHS tape being removed from a VCR before a muffled voice began calling for Steven.

--

"Steven? Steven!"

Steven was suddenly shook awake with tears in his eyes, and he discovered Peridot leaning over him crying just as much.

"I saw everything Steven, and yes, it is true!" Peridot admitted sorrowfully. "A good reason why I was using your dreams is because I never got over how you were kidnapped because of me! I was so worried the other Gems would declare me a traitor, but they never bothered to bring it up. You know what, we don't have to do this anymore!" Steven then gave her a tight hug. "I don't care about the show anymore, or Rodrigo especially! I just want what's best for you! I'm such a clod!"

"It's okay Dottie, it's okay." Steven comforted his green pal. "I kind of knew something was up when you first mentioned Marine and Pierre, but I didn't know you've bottling this up for so long."

"I know, it's so unhealthy of me." Peridot wept. "I just needed something to vent with, so that's why I wanted to spend time with you. It's okay if you don't want an excuse to hang out anymore."

"But I do want to keep hanging out." Steven assured Peridot. "With or without all this trauma. We're friends, right?"

"I guess you're right." Peridot smiled sadly.

"You still want to watch CPH together," Steven offered. "even if it's terrible?"

In response, Peridot took off her visor and began wiping some tears, shedding the mask she had kept up for her entire stay. "Of course."

--

"How could you lie to me like this Rodrigo?!" Jasmine yelled crossly at her love interest while Steven and Peridot laughed as it all went down. "I bet you just can't help being an awful person!"

"You just buried a dead body Jasmine, and you're getting mad at Rodrigo for cheating at cards?!" Peridot cackled, pounding her fist on the floor. "Some protagonist you turned out to be! Oh my stars, this show is the worst!"

"This show is the best." Steven smiled contently before the pair leaned up against each other with smiles on their faces.

--

Like I said, wasted opportunity for more Peridot development. And yes my friends, that United Defenders of the World show was a total middle finger to dark & edgy teen drama reboots of family-friendly properties with fans of all ages. It happened to Archie, it happened to Winx Club and it's even gonna happen to the Powerpuff Girls soon. But I'm getting off topic, this was a pretty fun chapter to write since I love Peridot so much and she has an incredible dynamic with Steven. Speaking of green Gems, next chapter goes into original territory once again as we finally shine a light on a corrupted Gem that's seemingly been erased from existence come Future. That's right Nephrite, come on down!

[365days365movies]

February 23, 2021: His Girl Friday (Review)

Should I have made more room for screwball comedies?

Because I really did enjoy this movie! His Girl Friday is the second Howard Hawks movie I’ve seen, but the first one I fully remember, and I like it quite a lot! Yeah, Walter was a slimeball, but an entertainingly slimy one. This is definitely a genre without a proper place in the modern day cinema landscape (cinemascape?), but it’s one that I’m happy to revisit at some point.

So, OK, I like the genre, but what did I think of the movie as a whole? Well, a few things. First of all, what’s with the title? My assumption is that it’s a reference to Friday from Robinson Crusoe, right?

It’s also a term used to refer to a personal assistant or loyal manservant, so I guess that makes sense. I mean, Walter and Hildy were technically equals, but Walter was also technically her boss. Plus, the loyalty thing definitely seems to be a factor in the end, so OK. Interesting choice.

Actually, I’m reading into this now, and...uh huh...uh huh...uh HUH...so, sexism? I mean, OK, it’s a movie from 1940, so I’m not terribly surprised. But, yeah, it’s about the duality of WO-man, as Hildy’s fighting between her urges as a woman to be a housewife, and her professional desires. Which, yeah, obviously got some sexism laced right in there, but I can see it. The ending where she cries in anger is supposedly representative of both emotional helplessness and inability to show how angry she is to a male authority figure. That’s according to an actual professional film critic, by the way.

OK, thing number 2. Walter being a dick is apparently intentional, and a common Howard Hawks trope to contrast his typically stubborn women. The movie’s pretty anti-marriage, and Walter obviously doesn’t change by the end of the film, meaning that their remarriage is FUCKT. 

And third, I did want to point out a funny moment that I didn’t mention in the Recap, when Walter’s trying to describe Bruce. He refers to him as looking like Ralph Bellamy, the actor who’s actually portraying Bruce in the film. And apparently, that line was an ad-lib by Cary Grant! Neat! He also ad-libbed a line where he called Earl Williams a “mock turtle”. And I tell ya, I love few things more than a good Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland reference.

But OK, enough of that! Let’s get to the Review! Recap, by the way, can be found here and here if you’re curious!

Review

Cast and Acting: 10/10

Yeah, they’re perfect in their roles. Fact of the matter is, I may hate Walter, but Cary Grant is fantastic as the fast-talking sleazeball. Rosalind Russell, who I had never heard of until this movie, is also FUCKING AMAZING as Hildy, seriously. And together, their romantic chemistry takes a major backseat to their rivalry. You’re not supposed to be a fan of them getting together, and it goddamn WORKS.

And hey, Ralph Bellamy plays a nice guy real well, and John Qualen’s Earl Williams is a convincing stressed sad-sack. Other side characters, of which there are many, are also pretty goddamn fantastic. No complains here, this was basically flawless.

Plot and Writing: 10/10

And the WRITING! OH MY GOD, THE WRITING! Not only is the speed of the delivery amazing, but the flow of the writing is unparalleled. You hear much of the dialogue at lightning speed, and the lot is convoluted in its own varied ways, but not once did I ever feel lost during this movie. While the original play was written by Ben Hecht and Charles McArthur (with Hecht aiding in the film script development), Charles Lederer is also a goddamn CHAMPION, as he wrote the majority of the film’s script. Look...it’s good. It’s REALLY good. It was also an innovation of the script to make Hildy a woman, rather than the man that she was in the original play and first film adaptation (called The Front Page), AND IT WORKS SO FUCKING WELL. Goddamn.

Directing and Cinematography: 10/10

Direction by Howard Hawks is stellar, and the film has a lot of life packed into it, including in the well-directed quiet moments. Cinematography by Joseph Walker is similarly stellar. I, just...THIS IS A GOOD MOVIE, OK?

Production and Art Design: 9/10

Outside of Hildy’s wardrobe, there’s not much wardrobe variation. And that’s it. That’s my ONE complaint, because this film manages to be visually memorable WHILE STILL IN BLACK AND WHITE. HOW IN THE NINE FUCKS IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

Music and Editing: 8/10

...Eh, editing was good, and music wasn’t very memorable. Some of the use of sound was still awesome, and sound editing was pretty goddamn spot-on, but the film editing as a whole and the score by Felix Mills and Sidney Cutner isn’t the best I’ve ever seen. So, yeah, there’s my problems with this movie. 

Here’s the scoop: 94%! Exclusive and all that.

I genuinely loved this movie, real talk. And I 100% recommend it, and WILL watch it again, hopefully soon! But OK, that wasn’t as much of a romance movie as I thought it would be. How about this? Let’s move forward in the century a bit, stick with the rom-com angle, and go for another notorious name in the leading role. And directing role. And writing role. And...controversial figure role, while we’re at it.

February 24, 2021: Annie Hall (1977)

[90s-belladonna]

So this isn't really a request but in the best boy squad who do you think would have wanted Lara Jean to end up with Peter K and who wanted Lara Jean and John Ambrose to end u0 together. (I'm a die hard JA fan btw, but I liked Peter in the first movie)

I agree!! JA is definitely marriage material and peter is the guy you date in high school when your friends all have partners and you’re feeling lonely 💀

The Best Boys Choose An OTP - Headcanons

(to all the boys I’ve loved before / p.s. I still love you)

- Shoto Todoroki -

genuinely confused as to why she couldn’t just date both of them. “the boys clearly have a connection and she likes both of them. why not just avoid hurting someone’s feelings. when she can just choose them both?” he’s so precious and oblivious so please explain what’s going on to him. like he’s definitely paying close attention to the movie but he’s still super confused with social interactions and emotions.

- Katsuki Bakugo -

100% yelled “he’s not your therapist you bitch” when he found out the reason behind gen and peter spending so much time together. 100% wanted to fight every single character in the movie except the dad, because he reminds him of his own dad, trevor, and chris since they remind him of his dumbass best friends. he would have probably said “the hell with both of them!” when asked which should have been lara’s choice.

- ✨Yuga Aoyama✨ -

he thought the movie was setting up for JA and peter to both leave lara jean and get together instead. he’s very disappointed at the lack of rivals to lovers content.

- Tamaki Amajiki -

he had multiple panic attacks and second hand embarrassment moments throughout the movie. he cried when peter took the necklace back btw. he’s def the type of guy who thinks lara jean should stay single and figure out who she is post peter before jumping back into a relationship with him or anyone else, also he thinks relationships are waaaay too stressful.

- Mirio Togata -

thought she should have ended up with peter because he helps her open up to new experiences and do things that she normally never would, that being said he does think the relationship is a bit one sided with him receiving all the benefits and lara jean receiving none so he wants him to work on being a better boyfriend. also he’s now craving tarts.

- Hawks -

he wanted lara jean to forget about both of them and go out and party with chris, lucas, and gen when her and peter broke up and her and gen had that heart to heart moment. he doesn’t like to process sadness and negative emotions, so naturally he didn’t want lara jean to feel sad and conflicted either... also he does love a good party scene and was bored with the ones the movie did show.

- Twice -

he actually wanted lara to end up with chris and there for he hates trevor, JA, and peter for ruining the chances of his otp getting together. he’s seriously considering suing everyone involved for not letting them be girlfriends. also he 100% would yell “sapphic rights!” really loudly whenever lara and chris shared a scene together. he’s also mad that stormy didn’t teach lara jean to use ‘the force’ from starwars.... he thought this was a star wars prequel.

- Overhaul -

he hates every character in the movie except for the lara jean’s grandparents because he loves how traditional they are. if you press him to choose then he’d probably say JA. his reasoning would be that JA was the more responsible one out of the two options. he most likely does not care for the plot and will criticize the cinematography and questionable editing choices. he pretends to hate the movie but really he’s having fun over examining every detail of it.

- Dabi -

he’d probably be annoyed at lara jean for giving JA false hope and at peter for being so loud (I have a headcanon that he hates unnecessarily loud people due to endeavor) so he was probably hoping JA realized his worth and met another girl who actually liked him half way through the movie, he’s a sucker for angst, so he’d probably be hoping that lara would realize her true feelings for JA when it was too late. 100% would joke about how lara should have stolen peter’s wallet and just taken lucas , kitty, and chris out for ice cream with his money.

- Natsuo Todoroki -

he hates emotional manipulators and cheaters (I know peter didn’t technically cheat but still he started their relationship based off of a lie when he was still in love with another girl) so I think he’d probably be the one who would want her to end up with JA and never talk to peter ever again other than to give him dirty looks. he was probably hoping chris would punch peter.

☆ Master List

☆ Crossover Scenarios

[cat-brodsky]

The Secret History: Abridged (part 2)

Fair use disclaimer: The following text is intended as a parody and literary commentary of the published book “The Secret History” by Donna Tartt. Some direct quotations from the book, constituting a very low percentage of the original, have been integrated in the parodic text where appropriate. The author of this text neither profits nor intends to profit from it.

Dramatis personae

The farmer, brutally murdered by four rich kids on a drug trip

Richard Papen, the narrator, a slightly less starry-eyed youth slowly growing addicted to drugs

Julian Morrow, a Greek professor who doesn’t actually care about his students

Bunny Corcoran, killed on Easter, lying at the bottom of a ravine covered by snow

The Toffs minus one:

Henry Winter, increasingly exasperated as the Greek class spirals into self-destruction

Francis Abernathy, gay, neurotic, and slowly descending into alcoholism

Charles Macaulay, a full-blown drunken abuser

Camilla Macaulay, the token girl

Judy Poovey, the only character in the book with both brains and heart

The Corcorans, Bunny’s large family, grieving and “grieving” the loss of their son

Georges “I told you so” Laforgue

Cloke Rayburn, the friendly neighborhood drug dealer

William Hundy, the friendly neighborhood bigot

the greek chorus (played by a person in a floral bedsheet toga with two sockpuppets)

The Fans, seated in the front row of the audience

    Chapter 6, in which it snows on Easter

Richard: Just for the record, I don’t consider myself an evil person. What we did was terrible, but you know, none of us were exactly bad!

Richard: Anyway, that’s totally unfair. I thought murdering Bunny would be easy, but for some reason now I’m having nightmares and everybody is on edge and we’re scared the cops are onto us!

Judy: Want some Demerol?

Richard: Sure, nothing could go wrong with thaaa- oh wow I’m hiiigh.

Francis: ohgodI’m so damn nervous - oh, hi, Richard. Wanna f-

Charles: And I’m three sheets to the wind. Soused. Pished. Drunk.

Francis: Gimme some.

the greek chorus: and that’s gonna be a theme for the rest of the book

    The Toffs (minus one): We need to act normal. How do we act like normal people. We could say we were watching some of that new-fangled cinematography whilst the murder, I mean the accident, happened. Do we call the cops? Wait, uh, not yet...

Julian: My student has been absent for more than three classes in a row, should I be concerned? Haha, just kidding.

Cloke: Man, I don’t like this. You know Bunny’s always broke, but he’s been flush with cash lately. And he’s always wanted in on my... pharmaceutical business. You think he ran afoul of some real bad guys and got himself killed?

Henry: Oh, he just might have.

Cloke: Damn. Let’s go search his room before calling the cops.

Charles: He had a cut-out of the newspaper with the farmer murder! Oh well, good thing I managed to swipe it.

    The cops: He’s been missing for a week and nobody informed us? What’s wrong with you people?

Judy: Richard, have you heard about Bunny? I’m sure he’s alright, but... If you want to talk, or need anything, I’m here.

    The search for Bunny: begins

The reporters: present

William Hundy: Daymn right I saw ‘im! He was in a back seat of a white car, with some arab type folks. Now I ain’t saying they was terrorists, but you know them daymn arabs-

Henry: Who’d have thought people are going to make things up? And who’d have thought giving him money would look suspicious?

Francis (drunk): I’ve had to spend time with the Corcorans. How utterly terrible. One of the damn children running around ruined my favorite scarf. And they didn’t even notice - what’s more important, their dead son or my scarf? By the way, Richard, I am definitely not attracted to you.

Julian: One of my own students - missing? I would be sorry for his parents if they weren’t so... low-brow. But he's such a sweet boy, so silly; I'm really very fond of him. If anything should have happened to him I don't know if I could bear it. Goodness me, this is altogether so very exciting, so dramatic!

Henry, stars in his eyes: There’s divinity in the midst of us.

    The FBI agent: We found drug paraphernalia in Bunny’s room.

Mrs. Corcoran: How dare you!

Cloke: I want a lawyer.

Camilla: Did you know Henry had us kill a piglet after that accident with the farmer? Blood can only be washed off with blood, he said.

Richard: Haha, that’s so Henry.

the greek chorus: and then the body is finally found

    Chapter 7, in which everyone takes drugs

Everyone in Hampden college: mourns in a sufficiently dramatic way

Julian, writing a letter: Dear Richard, this is all too hard for me. I fear I have a case of the vapours and thus, I shall not return to Hampden until after the funeral. Who cares about the classes you’re taking with me, amirite?

The Toffs: stay with the Corcorans in preparing for Bunny’s funeral

Mr. Corcoran: my son... oh god my son is dead ...you boys want a brewsky?

Mrs. Corcoran: And those flower arrangements we were sent are atrocious. Simply shameful.

Francis: What do you mean we have to sleep in the basement? That’s just wretched.

Richard: This funeral is so inconvenient. I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this. And the food they serve us is terrible.

Henry: And the garden is so ugly.

Camilla: I can’t take it. Let’s steal some drugs from the Corcorans.

Cloke: Lemme show you where the missus keeps the good stuff.

Francis and Henry (drunk): Gimme some.

Charles, Cloke et al: get stoned the morning of the burial

Richard: Bunny’s grave is just terrible to look at. Oh, I cannot even.

    the greek chorus: farmer who?

    Chapter 8, in which it all goes to hell

Julian: Henry is such a sensitive young man. I fear this is hard on him. And Edmund and him were so very close. But why did he have to read such a... modern poem at the wake? I would have suggested something from Phaedo.

Richard: Time for more drugs

Charles: Time for more whiskey

Francis: Time for a shopping trip!

Francis was always generous with his clothes. He gave Charles and me his old suits by the armload. I still wear a lot of those suits: Sulka, Aquascutum, Gieves & Hawkes.

the greek chorus: no comment

    Henry: is gardening

Francis: gets diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

Charles: crashes his car driving drunk

Charles: makes out with Camilla in full view of Richard

Francis: Yep, they're doing it. Haven’t you noticed? Him and I slept together once or twice too, big deal. Hell, Richard, if you drank as much as he did, we would have screwed too.

Richard: ...Jesus. And I’m stuck with these people until I graduate.

    Charles: falls asleep outside while drunk

Richard: Well, he has a fever of 103 Fahrenheit, which, going by my premed education means uh... Judy, what do we do?

Judy: Go to the hospital, of course! Wait, take my car. I’ll give you the keys.

Julian: So young Charles is in the hospital? Dearie me, you all must be grieving for Edmund. Though, is death really so terrible a thing? It seems terrible to you, because you are young, but who is to say he is not better off now than you are?

    Francis: Oh, and I think Camilla and Henry have been sleeping together. And she moved out of Charles’ place. I think they had an argument.

Richard: Well, I’m not taking sides, but this is a really bad time. You should go see him.

Camilla: ...Charles was physically abusing me. I’m afraid of him. And I can’t stay at Francis’ place, because he’d fold like a wet tissue.

Richard: So is that it? You're protecting your own interests?

the greek chorus: DID YOU JUST-

Richard: What if Charles goes to the cops?

Camilla: He’d never do that. And Henry is looking out for him.

Richard: Sure, that’s why Henry’s been sending him whiskey.

    Richard: Time for more drugs. I’m on soooo many drugs. Did... did Henry plan it all out? He... he totally planned it out.

Henry: is gardening

Henry: For my entire life, I’ve been dead inside... but everything changed the night I killed that man.

the greek chorus: finally someone remembers the farmer

Henry: You don’t care much about other people, do you, Richard?

    Julian: A most terrible thing has happened. A letter, purportedly from the late Edmund, has been delivered to my office - filled with profanity and wild accusations and references to some... murder. A forgery, of course. It saddens me greatly that someone would do that. I wonder who...

The Toffs: oh no

Julian: Why, by Jove, this is the letterhead of the hotel where Edmund and Henry stayed on winter break!

Henry: ...I can explain. You see, during that bacchanal you sanctioned, we went a little wild and wound up recreating The Bacchae - it wouldn’t be authentic without a little killing, right? It was just an accident, we didn’t want to bother you. But then Edmund found out, and he, well... overreacted. He was having some personal problems, you know, family problems... Professor, you said it yourself - we must do what is necessary! Really, it was a mercy killing.

Julian:

Julian: ...why, that's terribly interesting. Anyway, I have just been urgently called away from the university. Istran royal family, you understand.

Henry: But-

Richard: But-

Julian: Gotta leave now, toodaloo!

Henry and Richard: ...son of a-

    Richard: You know, in hindsight, Julian is kind of a huge prick. I even wrote down that his inability to see anything in true light was his most attractive quality. Turns out he used his students to boost his ego like some sorta cult leader.

Richard: And you know what’s messed up? I still admire him.

Dean of Studies: Cozy place Julian’s got here, doesn’t he? Well, now that he’s done a bunk - three weeks before final exams - I regret to inform you that you guys will have to switch your majors or something. I doubt the school will keep teaching Greek.

Dean of Studies: After all, there was so little interest in the subject that Julian only had six students, right?

The Toffs: ...SON OF A-

    Francis: Charles has gone off the deep end. We’ve gotta take him out to the country, let him keep drinking there.

Charles: Henry’s trying to kill me.

Henry: Am not.

Charles: Are too!

Henry: We need to get him into rehab or something-

Charles: walks in with a gun

Henry: Never mind.

Charles starts shooting; Henry wrestles the gun from him.

Richard: Oh no. I’ve been shot.

Henry: I’m so done with y’all. Why do y’all have to be so incompetent? Can’t a man commit a murder in peace? And worse, Julian has up and fled! I loved him! I believed him! Duty, piety, loyalty, sacrifice my ass! I’m outta here.

Henry shoots himself.

the greek chorus: he lived like a Roman and died like a Roman - from lead poisoning.

Camilla, Charles, and Francis exit stage left

Richard: ...Uh, I’ve been shot? Hello? Anyone?

The Hippie enters stage right. Together with the greek chorus, they start carrying Richard off-stage.

The Hippie: It’s all a metaphor, man. Henry has a limp, from the car accident, right? Well, he’s Satan and he’s here to ruin lives. Julian gets off scot-free, but it doesn’t matter cause his soul is damned, man! That Donna chick is Catholic, right? That’s why Bunny was going on about sin and forgiveness - cause he knew what up and he has a chance in purgatory, man, but the others are Pagans so they don’t. Deep, man.

the greek chorus: man, you’re high like a kite.

    The Epilogue, in which nobody is happy

Richard: Yeah, well... Everyone except me dropped out. Turns out that our group was only really held together by Julian’s cult-like teaching and Henry’s blind devotion. And that once we couldn’t pretend to be better than everybody else, we stopped wanting to see each other. Or it might have been the two murders, who knows.

    Francis, in the hospital after a suicide attempt: So, my grandfather found me with Kim, a nice young lawyer, balls deep in me, and threatened to disinherit me-

Richard: That old homophobe!

Francis: Oh, no, that's cause Kim is Korean. Anyway uh this is my beard - my dear Pricsilla whom I'm gonna have to marry.

Richard: Or you could actually... work for a living.

Francis: That’s inconceivable. I mean, you work, but you are used to menial labor.

    Richard: So... what does Charles do these days?

Camilla: He drinks.

Richard: Good old Charles. Anyway, Camilla, will you marry me?

Camilla: Not a chance.

    Richard: Oh well. At least I got Henry’s brand new car out of this whole mess. That’s a net gain if you ask me.

    the greek chorus, narrating: “As a writer I’m giving the reader signs to help create the story with me. The reader is bringing his or her own memories, intelligence, preconceptions, prejudices, likes, dislikes. So the characters in your copy of the book are going to look and sound different than in mine. I have my own ideas, but once the book is out there it’s not really mine anymore, and my own idea isn’t any more valid than yours.” Donna Tartt, 2019.

The Fans rush onstage.

Fan 1: Henry did nothing wrong!

Fan 2: Who wants to have a bacchanal?

Fan 3: omg look at my character moodboards

Fan 4: What if we kissed over a copy of the secret history

Fan 5: dark acadamia(sic!) aesthetic

Fan 6: Donna Tartt died for our sins

    the greek chorus:

the greek chorus: FUUUUUUUUUUUU-

    Curtains.

[byneddiedingo]

John Wayne and Montgomery Clift in Red River (Howard Hawks, 1948)

Cast: John Wayne, Montgomery Clift, Joanne Dru, Walter Brennan, Colleen Gray, Harry Carey, John Ireland, Noah Beery Jr., Harry Carey Jr., Chief Yowlatchie, Paul Fix, Hank Worden. Screenplay: Borden Chase, Charles Schnee, based on a story by Chase. Cinematography: Russell Harlan. Art direction: John Datu. Film editing: Christian Nyby. Music: Dimitri Tiomkin.

You know those social media posts that ask you to name the movies you've watched more than five times that you would still watch again? I don't respond to them because there are too many movies that fit the category for me, but Red River would certainly be on my list. Each time I watch it, I have a little different reaction. Sometimes, for example, I'm glad when the character of Tess Millay (Joanne Dru) shows up, because it's kind of a relief from all that male bonding of the cattle drive. Other times, she annoys me. She's the "Hawksian woman" of the movie, the character embodied so well by Jean Arthur in Only Angels Have Wings (1939), Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday (1940), and especially Lauren Bacall in To Have and Have Not (1944) and The Big Sleep (1946). The Hawksian woman talks back to men, asserting her place in the world they dominate. But Tess Millay just talks, and even talks about how much she talks. Moreover, she's obviously there primarily to serve as a reincarnation of Fen (Colleen Gray), the woman whom Tom Dunson (John Wayne) loved and lost when he left the wagon train at the beginning of the movie. Still, even this bit of unnecessary narrative linkage is forgivable in a movie that offers so much. There is, of course, what I think of as Wayne's best performance as Dunson -- some prefer his work in The Searchers (John Ford, 1956), which I find too artfully staged by Ford. Here he shows he can do everything from Hawks's characteristic swiftly overlapping dialogue to the paranoid trail-boss martinet to the tough guy hiding his tender side. And there's Montgomery Clift's remarkable movie debut as Matthew Garth; Red River was filmed before The Search (Fred Zinnemann, 1948), though the latter was released first. Clift, who was stage-trained, seems to have instinctively learned that movie acting is done in large part with the face, and he uses his eyes particularly expressively -- he reminds me of the great silent film actors in that regard. The scene in which Garth and Cherry Valance (John Ireland) handle each other's guns is one of the great homoerotic moments in movies, but it's prepared for by the way Clift and Ireland look at each other when they first meet, sizing each other up. And then there's one of the great supporting casts in movies, including Walter Brennan, Noah Beery Jr.,  and a whole lot of cattle. (Hawks, who also produced the film, graciously gave Arthur Rosson, the second unit director in charge of the cattle drive scenes, a co-director credit.) Dimitri Tiomkin's music added immeasurably to the film, but surprisingly went unnominated by the Academy, which took notice only of Christian Nyby for editing and Borden Chase for the film's story. (It was based on his story in the Saturday Evening Post, and was turned into a screenplay by Charles Schnee -- though a lot of the dialogue is so Hawksian that I suspect the director deserved a screenplay credit, too.) Naturally, like most Hawks films, it won no Oscars.

[edge-lorde]

its valenTIME again, folks. just how did andre feel about lockhart tasking him with styling pink themed outfits?

not great but not as bad as i feared. pink is merely of personal distaste to andre rather than a huge universal fashion faux pas. we come to the conclusion that hes just gonna have to figure it out. as predicted, he does then also ask me to be his valentine, saying something to the effect of “hey, instead of just accepting free clothes from me whenever you have a date, why not just date ME?” very awkward considering that he always takes the time to style multiple outfits for me, i have already made up my mind & its not him, and i AM still going to take one of his outfits regardless. yikes! sorry andre, ill make up for causing your grandma to die before getting to see you play quidditch some other time.

next was merula i believe. her level was very tsundere from what i remember. lots of blustering. “its not like i LIKE you or anything but im the best valentine in hogwarts. why didnt you say you smelled ME in the love potion? i hate your guts.” teen me would have definitely found her pathetic. but during this level the painting of the knight guy tells us that the 6 of us are the only guests coming to lockharts party. suspicious.  

thats awkward but before then we have to have a level with talbott. his level is, hes outside, in the dark, searching for doves??? lockhart told him to get some doves so hes just aiming to catch them with his bare hands i guess. no magic spells just raw power. we have an animagus level where we transform into the natural predators of doves, hawks and cats, and use our keen senses to attempt to locate some doves hiding on the school campus. he doesnt seem like the dating type but he asks the mc out, admittedly they have some fun chemistry. the level ends with him giving me time to think about my answer by turning into a bird and flying off into the night. 

then we have a prepping the restaurant level where at the end madam restaurant owner tells me to follow my heart and i get to pick my valentine, i of course pick barnaby as i have said i would previously. 

the its back to andre. i loved the outfit i ended up with btw. andre styled a more princessy one and a more spunky one. i tried them both on and ended up really loving the princess one. i especially love the luxurious long pink hair it came with. i wore it with my sunglasses and blond facial hair, and even broke out the make-up it made me so excited. still had to turn andre down when i went to go get it though. he took it well “i dont want things to be weird between us.” he said, which is good because things are about to get a whole lot weirder. 

i go to the party. everyone is dressed to the nines and looks cute as hell. andre has given everyone wonderful pink stylings, even he is wearing an almost-pink purpley shirt. 

as forewarned however, we are the only guests there, and lockhart seems much more interested in us than he does in his own stories. it becomes apparent as the night goes on that this was all a ruse! we werent randomly selected at all! lockhart chose us to lure us into a room so he could steal our adventures, wipe our brains, and claim them for his own!!!!!!!!! egad!

certainly all of that is in character, but idk how that would work? like the cursed vaults have been covered by the newspaper with my name in them already. hows he going to steal that? also were all kids. like barnabys thing is that his parents were deatheaters and now theyre in jail, idk how lockhart could possibly fit himself into that role, given the timeline? in any case, mc figures it out and he does a group memory charm and poofs away. 

we are all left standing there like... what just happened.. is it valentines day...? who asked who out... i cant remember....

but then we do get one last level were we get a real valentines date. very cinematography much lighting. many leaves so green house. roses? yes. barnaby promised prof sprout hed study for class if she let him use the green house as a date location. he suprisingly knows a lot about romance for someone who is usually made out to always be the dumbest person in the room. its nice i guess but also completely unrelatable. nice shot of some lovebirds in a nest, then all of a sudden one is down on the table. no lovebird flying animation lol. i turn it into the lovenote from class. be my valentine it says. barnaby gives me a decorative valentine heart that gives 1 energy per day like the christmas car snowglobe. all new date animation kiss on cheek scene as well. very well done. 

there are some other general game notes but that will have to be for next time.