#having two guys with overlapping names was deeply funny to me at the time

[viric-dreams]

If I may, a 🎲 kiss for Cavendish from Robert? 0u0 - gmalaart

"Rest easy. Take this skull and it will all be forgotten."

[emerald-chaos]

Already Gone

**gif not mine, credit to the owner below!!**

Oh hohohohoho besties. You are in for it on this one. The other night I had an idea that popped into my head and to say I got carried away with it would be a gross understatement. This is the first time I've written smut in forever so bear with me as I get back in to it. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, please feel free to send feedback!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 5.3k (oops)

Warnings: Smut, 18+ (MINORS DNI), language, ANGST (holy shit is there angst), fingering, unprotected sex (please be smarter than these two), infidelity, and I think that's about it? Please let me know if I left something off.

A/N: Thanks to my sweet, sweet friend who read through this for me and helped me fix a few things. Also I take the, MINORS DNI, warning very seriously, so please only interact if you are of age. Please have your age in your bio so I can confirm. By clicking "read more" you agree to this. I really don't want to have to block people.

The cacophonous trill of shattering glass erupted through the space. Raised voices, thick with rage, echoed off the walls. It was difficult to tell which words were coming from which mouth, the both of you overlapping as you spewed out hatred toward one another.

“What in God’s name is going on here?!” Steve shouted as he entered the room, coming back from a late night run at the most inopportune time.

“Stay the fuck out of it!” Your two voices shrilled together as you both pointed toward Steve.

You could feel your chest heaving and it almost felt as though you were foaming at the mouth. Rage was completely consuming every crevice of your body and spilling out into your actions and your words. You turned back to the object of your aggression and watched as he ran a hand through his hair and turned to walk away from you.

“You’re nothing but a coward, James Barnes. A goddamn selfish, son-of-a-bitch, coward!” You screamed with every ounce of energy you had left in your body.

The two of you had some knock-down drag-outs in your past, but it was nothing compared to this. Months of pent up feelings, insecurities, jealousies, and secrets were all coming to a head at this very moment. The last few months the two of you had been incredibly short with one another - a stark contrast from your usual loving tone. Passionate kisses became brief pecks to the cheek, midnight roaming hands became backs set to one another, and ‘i love you’s’ felt more like a habit than a genuine feeling. In your heart you feared it would come to this one day. No matter how hard you tried, how much you wanted to, you were never going to be able to fix what had been done to the man you loved. There was no amount of love in the world that could reverse the tragedy of the Winter Soldier - at least that’s what you were convinced of now.

The man in front of you turned and strode across the room, minimizing the space between the two of you. His metal hand in a fist as he brought it up to jab a finger into the middle of your chest. Pupils were blown wide, what was once a lustful look was now filled with only pure anger. As he opened his mouth to speak, spit flew into your face.

“And you are a self-righteous, ignorant, self-important bitch!”

As your eyes raked over the contorted facial features of the man standing in front of you, you realized you couldn’t recognize them. The man standing in front of you was not Bucky. It was not the man who twirled a strand of your hair when he sat with his arm behind your chair, not the man who pulled over the car to help a turtle cross the road, and definitely not the man who held you in his arms as he cried after a nightmare. The man standing in front of you was a frightening enigma of hatred and rage. This was not your Bucky. In fact, you were almost certain you lost your Bucky months ago.

* * *

You hadn’t noticed the bouncing of your knee until the man who sat beside you gently cupped it with his hand, stilling your nervous movements. It was enough to break you from your thoughts as you turned your head to meet his kind eyes.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll have them turn the car around and we’ll go back to the airport. We catch the next flight back home.” He whispered in reassurance. Even though your mind was anxiously racing, you couldn’t help but smile at the compassionate gesture.

“Of course we do,” you started, cupping his cheek with your hand as the sunlight glinted off your pristine wedding ring, “Tony was one of the most important people in my life. Plus, I’m pretty sure he would haunt me if I didn’t go to his funeral.”

8 years ago you promised yourself in the taxi ride to the airport that you would never step foot in this place again. That all changed when you got the news of Tony’s death. Your time working with the Avengers was a life-changing experience and it was all thanks to Tony. The memory of him seeking you out to work alongside Dr. Banner in the research lab was one that you could never forget. Tony was an arrogant, pompous asshole but he was undeniably a good man. You would curse yourself for the rest of your days if you let your own baggage get in the way of that.

“Alright,” your husband responded with a sigh as he squeezed your knee, “But please, promise you’ll tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.”

“Promise.” An agreement that you sealed with a kiss.

Mike was a good man, he was someone who cared for you deeply and who made you feel safe. After your transfer to the DC Shield Office, you had sworn off any more office romances. Those never ended well. That was until your path crossed with Mike. From the beginning of the relationship, you were upfront about your past issues with relationships and how you weren’t ready to dive into anything and he simply stated that he was okay with that, that he would wait.

The marriage was a happy one, Mike always playing the role of doting, caring husband. No matter how much you pushed back against him, he was always willing to give you space and to let you feel what you were experiencing. Mike was a good man. But he wasn’t him.

Your gaze left his as your eyes returned to the skyline, the familiar pressure clawing its way back to your chest. It’d been 8 years since you saw him. 8 years since you packed your bags and left the only home you’d ever truly known. Sure, you had this new life - a new husband, new friends, new job with similar duties, but there was still a piece of you that was missing. A piece you knew could never possibly be filled again. You had come to terms with that, slowly, but it had happened eventually. Now that you were back, you knew you were going to have to see him again - see all of them again. While a lot of good memories resided within this area, there was a hell of a lot of pain that went along with it. All you could do in that moment was remind yourself that you were here for Tony - to honor his memory and pay your respects. You didn’t owe anything else to anyone else. Something in your chest, however, told you that wouldn’t be the way things played out.

* * *

The service was beautifully executed. It was obvious that Pepper had poured her heart and soul into ensuring that Tony Stark was remembered as he should have been. The walls of your heart tightened as you saw Pepper clutching their young daughter to her side. Although Tony had made a lot of mistakes in his life, he spent his last years making sure to do good and to make things right. While it felt like a hot knife had been stabbed into your chest as you said goodbye to a once dear friend, you took solace in knowing that Tony was so loved by so many. That his legacy would live on in so many different ways. And that Pepper was there to say goodbye.

It had been your plan to attend the service and then leave immediately after it had ended. Of course, life has a funny way of never doing quite what we want it to.

It was Sam who stopped you first, pulling you into a tight hug against his form as your fingers gripped his jacket. Sam, being the angel he was, never once mentioned anything from the past and instead expressed his happiness with seeing you again and learning that you were doing well. The one thing Sam was not good at however, was keeping his mouth shut. Word quickly traveled through the crowd of your attendance and one by one old friends began to find you. Wanda didn’t have much to say but kept you in a grateful embrace while you expressed your condolences for Vision. In a shocking turn of events, It was actually Peter who was the most difficult to see. The once bright, happy-go-lucky, smiling boy was visibly devastated - heavy dark bags lingered under his eyes and his glow had been severely dimmed by the loss of his mentor. You couldn’t help but cry as you held him in your arms, expressing to him how proud of him Tony was and how he’d told you just that on several occasions.

After the hellos, the hugs, and the reminiscing you had told yourself that was it, that you were going to leave. It was then that Pepper stopped you with a soft hand on your shoulder, a kind smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, and a warm embrace. After a pause of silence, she pulled away and invited you and Mike to stay for the gathering that had been planned following the service. Your mind screamed at you, begging you to politely decline - tell her you had to get back to DC, that you had a flight already booked that you couldn’t miss, that you had important business to get back to.

“Of course, Pepper. We’d love to.”

* * *

The gathering was exactly what Tony would have wanted. It was family and friends gathered around eating and drinking, but most of all - it was a bunch of people talking about Tony Stark.

You told Mike before the two of you arrived that you would stay for 20 minutes tops. That it simply would be out of respect for Pepper and once you felt your presence had been noted that the two of you would slip out unnoticed in the sea of people.

That was 2 hours ago.

Laughs came easy, tears flowed frequently, and stories were shared amongst friends. Surprising to you, it felt good to be around these people again. A familiar pang of home would hit you every now and again as you reconnected with those who you hadn’t seen in years. You introduced Mike to your old friends, who welcomed him warmly and with open arms. What you had thought would be a stressful, gut-wrenching day had actually turned out to be a joyful celebration of life. The day had been progressing smoothly and you wanted to chastise yourself for being so pessimistic.

That was, until you saw him.

Hands stuffed into the pockets of a black bomber jacket, long chestnut hair falling onto his shoulders, and a familiar collection of facial hair decorating the lower half of his face. He looked as terrible as you felt at the beginning of the day. Dark circles had only grown more prominent beneath his beautiful blue eyes and the corners of his lips were drawn down in a permanent frown. You couldn’t help but notice that he’d lost a considerable amount of weight. The once broad, thick man was now far more lean and toned than you ever remember him being.

A breath caught in your throat as the cerulean eyes met yours. Unable to stop yourself, you shoved your drink into Mike’s chest and hurried off to the nearest bathroom. Barely making it in time, you emptied your day’s stomach contents into the toilet. Breathing heavily, you fought back sobs as they threatened to leave your throat. To anyone else, it may seem you were simply grieving the loss of your friend, perhaps taking it harder than most. Oh how you wish that were the case.

You knew it would be difficult to see him again, but you didn’t expect it to feel as though someone had set your entire body ablaze. The heavy feeling of grief, anxiety, and stress from the beginning of the day was crushing your lungs, your stomach still trying to lurch although it had nothing left to give up, and tears burned the rims of your eyes. As you cleaned yourself up and flushed the toilet, you exited the stall to wash your hands and rinse your mouth. You tried to convince yourself it was the entire day's worth of emotions that had led you to this moment. That man no longer had this kind of hold on you - you had moved on. Or, so you thought.

Slowly, your gaze met your reflection in the mirror. The woman there looked worn and tired, like she had been fighting a raging war that she had been losing miserably. Mascara had begun to run down the apples of her cheeks and lipstick was smeared across her mouth. A heavy sigh left your lips as you did your best to make yourself more presentable. A shaky hand entered your clutch as you retrieved your lipstick and applied another layer. You gave yourself a final once-over and decided that your current appearance was as good as it was going to get. Just as you were going to turn around and return to the party there was movement in the mirror that caught your eye. The door was being pushed open from the outside. You turned to protest, to let the intruder know that the bathroom was occupied.

“Excuse me, sorry, there’s someone--”

It felt as though all the air had been taken from your lungs and your heart threatened to beat out of your chest as you came face to face with the man you had tried so hard, for so long, to forget. It was as though you were frozen in time, as if he were Medusa - turning you instantly to stone. Logically, the thing to do would be to tell him to get out or for you to leave the bathroom so that he could occupy the space alone. However, all you could do was stand and watch as he closed the bathroom door behind him, as his fingers closed around the lock and clicked it into place.

Then it was just the two of you. Bodies unmoving, aside from the rapid rise and fall of your chests in tandem. The air felt 100 degrees warmer than it had when you were alone. The silence, paired with the thump of your heartbeat, was deafening to your ears. You were hyper-aware of his gaze as he studied you the way you had him not minutes before. His eyes finally met yours once more and there was a poignant silence before he finally spoke.

“Can’t believe you still have that dress.”

Your eyes blinked a few times, brain trying to process his words and the situation you had currently found yourself to be in. You looked down to the front of your dress and smoothed your hands down it. How could you have gone the whole day without realizing that the dress you were wearing had been a gift from Bucky on your first anniversary? You were positive you had rid yourself of anything even remotely related to him. In fact, you distinctly recall dumping a box of momentos into a barrel and tossing a lit match inside. You don’t remember making the conscious decision to keep the dress, or why you would have made the decision. Now here you were - mere feet away from the man who had put it on and so delicately took it off of you many times.

“S’perfectly good dress. Shouldn’t go to waste.” Was all you could muster as a response in that moment.

The man before you took a step forward and you took a step back, hips coming into contact with the cold marble counter of the sink.

“Thought I’d never see you again. Y’look...different.” His gaze roaming its way down your body once more.

As his eyes landed on the diamond ring nestled onto the 4th finger of your left hand, you felt a lump begin to form in your throat.

“Congratulations.” His words were cold. Inauthentic. “He’s a lucky guy.”

“What the fuck are you doing in here, James?” The words were supposed to be sharp, but instead came out shaky and insecure.

“Saw you out there, starin’ at me. Guess I just wanted a closer look at you.”

By the end of the sentence he had closed the gap between the two of you even more, chests threatening to bump one another. His metal hand slowly reached forward and brushed a piece of hair off your shoulder. The cool appendage felt like fire against your skin and you know he heard the way you sharply inhaled, but you just couldn’t help it. You swallowed hard, head reeling and knees trying to buckle beneath you when you felt his cool palm cup your fiery cheek. It took everything in your body to avert your eyes from him, especially when you felt him even closer than before - warm breath fanning the expanse of your face. Why was he doing this? What was he going to accomplish? The fight or flight response in your body was screaming at you to push him away and run, but you didn’t.

“I’ve thought about you every day since you left, sweets. There’s not a moment that passes by where you’re not on my mind.”

Your eyes closed tightly, tears now welling up and spilling over.

“Everything you said about me that night was true. I am a coward. A coward who lost the best fuckin’ thing that ever happened to his sorry, broken ass.”

A small sob escaped your chest as your hand flew to your mouth, failing to keep it from tumbling out. Bucky found a loose thread and was slowly unraveling everything you’d worked toward in the last 8 years, every step toward progress and peace that you had worked so hard to find.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, doll” Bucky was now fully cupping your face with his large, calloused hands, “I’m so sorry that you fell in love with someone like me - a broken son of a bitch who never got put back together. I’m sorry that I hurt you so badly. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you the way I promised I would. I’m sorry that -”

In a moment of weakness, before he could finish his sentence, you were crashing your lips to his. There was nothing else that existed in your world - there was only you and there was only Bucky. Seemingly moving on their own accord, your hands found their way into his hair, grasping wildly for something to hold on to. As your fingers tugged on his roots, Bucky let out a deep moan into the kiss, sending a shiver down your spine.

The kiss was sloppy and desperate, all tongue and teeth. It was a balance of dominance between the two of you - although you were the one who initiated the kiss, Bucky was the first one to gain access to the inside of your mouth, and you were the first to tug his lower lip between your teeth. A pathetic mewl left your lips as Bucky’s mouth began trailing wet kisses across your jaw and down the column of your throat. The heartbeat in your ears from earlier was much worse now, making your head throb in pain. Every nerve ending in your body felt as though it was on fire and a small voice in the back of your head kept pleading with you to stop. For a moment you entertained the idea of shoving him off and telling him to fuck off, but that was before he started sucking that spot on your neck that he knew drove you mad. It was your turn to moan this time as you involuntarily arched your back, pressing yourself up against his firm torso.

You knew the way that you were tugging on the strands of his hair had to be incredibly painful but it only seemed to urge Bucky to continue. A soft gasp tumbled past your lips as you felt Bucky’s thigh push against your aching core. The sensation had you digging your fingernails into the back of his jacket as you finally released your grip on his hair. Before you could stop yourself, you could feel your hips grinding yourself down against his clothed thigh. Your dress had been pushed up around your waist, now only a small piece of cloth covering you as you desperately chased a high.

“I shoulda never let you go. Shoulda been at the airport to stop you before you got on that plane.”

His teeth sunk into your pulse point once more, earning himself another moan from your lips. The sting was soon replaced with the cool sensation of his tongue tracing the marks he had left.

“I love you, doll. I haven’t ever stopped lovin’ you.”

“Show me,” you whimpered pathetically against his shoulder, “show me you love me, Bucky. Please.”

An audible breath caught in his throat as he pulled himself back to look at you. Your chest was heaving, make-up smeared once more, and your pupils were blown wide with lust. You obviously weren’t able to see the look you gave him, but judging by the way he looked back at you it was fair to say you looked broken, pathetic, and desperate for him. The eyes looking back at you had the softness to them that you remember, the strokes of his hands against your body contained the passion that you’d so been longing for, and the tone in his voice told you that he was desperate for you too.

Within seconds your feet were lifted from the ground and your ass made contact with the cold, wet countertop. There wasn’t a lot of room, objects were scattered onto the floor and others were left to push into your hips with aggressive force, but you just didn’t care. It was impossible to care when Bucky moved your knees apart and dragged a finger along your clothed pussy. The sensation made your head fall back against the mirror with a hard thud but you couldn’t feel any of the pain from it at all. The only thing you felt was the way electricity rippled through your body when he used his thumb to apply pressure to your aching clit. Bucky groaned and rested his forehead against yours, lips slightly parted as he felt your need for him growing.

“So wet for me, just like I remember. Lemme make you feel good, sweets, hmm?” He had leaned forward to whisper softly in your ear as his teeth grazed your lobe.

It was you who reached down and shoved your panties down your thighs, meeting a surprised look from Bucky as he helped you drag them down to hang around your ankle. Bucky’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip as he hooked his hands underneath your knees to spread your legs open for him. Another groan came from him, this time more guttural than the last. You felt small underneath his gaze and the cool air in the bathroom brushing across your soaking core made you shiver.

Your hand flew to your mouth to suppress the noises you made as his finger slipped through your folds, running up and down to collect your wetness.

“More. God. Please, Buck. Need more.” You whined, attempting to roll your hips against his hand to find any form of friction that you could.

“Anything for you, baby.” He whispered as he gently inserted a finger inside of you. The two of you moaned in tandem.

There was a brief moment of embarrassment with the way your walls immediately clenched around his finger and the way his finger immediately found that soft spot. It was shortly replaced with a feeling of ecstasy. Bucky captured your lips with his to swallow your moans as he added another finger. The way his fingers were curling and pumping inside of you already had you close to the edge. Bucky pulled back and held your gaze as he added pressure to your clit with his thumb, circling the area as his fingers continued to repeatedly hit that spot inside of you.

“Please, please don’t stop.” You begged as you felt the pressure building within the lower part of your body.

“S’okay. I’m right here.” Bucky’s other hand was cradling the back of your head as he whispered to you. “I know you’re close. Can feel you squeezin’ me. You can let go for me, I got you.”

As your eyes met his, foreheads pressed together, you finally came apart. The white hot sensation tears through you as your legs quake. You squeeze your eyes shut and allow Bucky to help you ride through your orgasm as he peppers light kisses along your neck.

“I almost forgot how pretty you look when you cum.”

You whine at the emptiness and loss of contact when Bucky removes his fingers from your center. As your eyes flutter open you see him push the fingers into his mouth and suck them clean. The look on his face was euphoric.

“God. Almost forgot how fuckin’ sweet you taste too.”

Mustering up all the strength you had, you sat up and pulled him closer by his belt. The two of you worked together to rid him of his pants and boxers. Your hand wrapped around him, thumb swiping the red tip and using the pre-cum to help lubricate as you pumped your hand down his length. Bucky’s jaw clenched as he moaned at the sensation. Just as you were going to leave the counter, you felt his hands grabbing your shoulders and halting your movements.

“Maybe a different time, sweets. But right now I gotta be inside you.”

You caught your bottom lip as you nodded and released your hold on him. Bucky’s hands wrapped around your thighs as he pulled your hips to the edge of the sink. The metal hand left your thigh as he grabbed himself at the base and pushed his length through your folds. The two of you once more shared a moan at the sensation. As he lined himself up with your entrance, your hands wrapped around his neck to pull him in for another kiss. The next thing you felt was the familiar sting of his cock stretching your walls as he slid into you. Your lips left his and your forehead found itself pressed against his once more. Both of you panting heavily as neither of you dared to speak a word.

Following a moment of silence, allowing your body time to stretch to accommodate him, you nodded slowly as to signal to him that it would be okay for him to move. His thrusts were slow and calculated at first, as if he was attempting to regain his memory of your body - one that he once knew so well. You couldn’t help but dig your fingernails into his shoulder as you held on to him for dear life, subconsciously afraid that if you were to let go of him he’d be gone again forever.

“Faster, Bucky. Please.” You whimpered into his ear as you took his earlobe between your teeth and nibbled softly.

A low growl left his chest as he grabbed your hips and lifted you off the counter, moving slightly so that he could cage your body against the wall. You wrapped your legs firmly around his waist, locking them at the ankle. His thrusts became faster, deeper, and it was apparent he had gained his confidence back.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, baby. Just the way I remember.” He grunted as he dug his fingers harder into your hips.

His lips were on yours again, this time tears were starting to decorate the corners of your eyes. The pleasure, the regret, the passion, the guilt - every feeling was building up along with your orgasm. Bucky pulled away from the kiss to tap on your bottom lip with two of his fingers, which you greedily accepted into your mouth. Your tongue swirled around his digits until he pulled them out and used them to circle your clit. The added pleasure was almost too much to handle.

“C’mon, baby. Wanna cum with you. Can you do that for me, huh?” Bucky whimpered, his thrusts beginning to falter from the calculated snaps he was giving you before.

All you could do was nod your head quickly as the pressure steadily increased, bringing you to the brink of your second orgasm.

“I love you. I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much, oh my god.” Bucky grunted as the two of you reached your peak together.

You leaned forward to bite down on his shoulder and suppress the scream that left your mouth as pleasure erupted through your body. The two of you assisted each other through the high of your release and you felt your ass make contact with the cool countertop once more.

The only noise present in the space was your heavy breathing and a small dripping noise that came from the sink. Bucky’s final words before he came replayed in your head over and over again as you attempted to slow your breathing and bring yourself back down to earth. Your body shuttered slightly as Bucky slipped himself out of you. As you sat up, you noticed he was looking around the bathroom.

“Shit, sweets. I don’t think there’s anything I can use to help clean you up.” He sighed and turned to meet your gaze that was locked upon him.

“It’s fine, Buck. Not a big deal.”

Bucky bent over and helped you pull your panties back on before he redressed himself. Neither of you spoke for what felt like eternity.

“I-...” You muttered finally, “I love you too, Buck. I thought I was over you, I thought I moved on but...I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you no matter how hard I try.”

Bucky reached out to stroke your cheek with the back of his hand as he listened to you lament to him. His eyes were soft and caring and you could almost swear he was looking into the depths of your soul.

“I think —“

Your conversation was cut short by the sound of knocking at the bathroom door.

“Hey, are you okay in there? Do you need anything?” Mike’s voice had your entire body flooded with the shame of your infidelity. In one swift movement, you were on the floor and turning the sink on to make it appear you were just washing your hands.

“Y-yeah I’m fine! Just finishing up! I’ll find you out there in a minute!” You squeaked.

Mike seemed to pause for a moment before you heard his footsteps retreat from the bathroom door. A wave of relief washed over you, but it was only temporary. As soon as you were relaxed the gravity of the situation you were in was clouding you once more.

“I have to go. I can’t give him any reason to think he needs to come in here.” Bucky nodded, eyes not leaving yours as you spoke while collecting yourself, “but we need to..we should..we have to address this. Later.���

“I agree.”

“Our flight leaves tomorrow night. I’ll...see what I can come up with as far as an excuse. Then we can put this to bed for good.”

“Absolutely, sweets.”

The nickname made your knees buckle once more as you sighed.

“Goodbye, James.”

You finally tore your eyes from his as you unlocked the door and slipped out of the bathroom. In reality, however, you knew this really wasn’t goodbye. Not even close.

[marshmurmurs]

hey. hey psst. grian & purpled friends au is a banger. you um, you got any more? mayhaps?

Ok so you're gonna have to bear with me for aa few moments since this au is made by someone who hasn't watched Evo in a hot second and someone who I believe hasn't yet finished watching it, so we are mostly working off of fanon and my terrible memory for Watcher stuff

With that said, you've heard of Watcher!Grian, now get ready for Watcher!Purpled too :D

So you’re probably wondering how in the world we got here. It started with Peggy mentioning that Purpled got a clean view of both Tommy’s duel with Dream and Phil taking out Wil. That’s enough for me to start the Watcher propaganda babey!!!

“They watch but cannot be seen”

I'm pretty sure I yoinked this quote from a sign that showed up in some Watcher thing at some point. Purpled sure does watch. I also believe he has done some messing around with replay mod to see inside the prison or something? So yeah, Watcher boy be looking. And the “cannot be seen” part? He’s constantly falling into the background, almost forgotten, and maybe it's in his very nature.

Grian and Purp were both Watchers, though their time as Watchers only briefly overlapped. Purpled was already a Watcher during Evo times, having been picked up by the Watchers while traveling the void in his spaceship. They had promised him he would become something greater than himself, he would be part of something important, he would have a legacy. Purpled went along with them, at first, it wasn’t like he really had anything better to be doing. Besides, the magic and wings he got out of the deal were pretty cool.

It was when the Watchers started looking to recruit Grian that Purpled started to question why he was there. That legacy they promised him, he wasn't sure if they ever delivered on that. If anything, it was the Watchers that were benefiting off of him. The Evolutionists were the only people who were confident in their existence, and even then, they only knew of the group as a whole. They had no idea how many of them there were or of any of the individuals within. He doesn’t think that was ever what he wanted out of joining the Watchers... He wasn’t actually sure what he had wanted out of them.

Purpled noticed the Watchers focusing their attention on Grian, he saw how they worked to break down his will to rebel. Sure, he had joined them, but it wasn't like he had been told all their rules upfront. Naturally the guy who had continuously tested the limits of their patience when they had been some unknown power wouldn’t stop that just because he was one of them now. Grian would push the limits of what he was allowed to do, finding loopholes, dancing around the rules, and even outright breaking them at times. The two interacted a few times and Purpled liked the guy well enough. He liked him enough to break the rules himself and not report Grian when he caught him breaking some rules, he even pointed out a few spots in the rules where the phrasing could be exploited. Still, he recognized the opportunity Grian’s presence provided him. Purpled was no longer the newest Watcher, no longer constantly under their gaze. He could just leave, and if he was smart about it, he could get away and have plenty of time before anyone noticed.

So he did. With a final o7 to Grian, Purpled left. Their final encounter within the Watchers domain went something like this:

Purpled: Hey do you want some advice?

Grian: Sure

Purpled: *walks away never to be seen again within the Watcher’s domain*

It was only later that Grian realized what the advice was, long after he began sneaking out, began testing the limits of what he could do. It was long after he figured out that an eye couldn't really look within itself and he could use the very powers the Watchers had given him to hide himself from them, long after he'd made his own domain, long after he'd slipped away to a land he created specifically to stay out of their sight and reach that he realized what the advice was. Purpled had left. His advice was to leave. Grian had—albeit unknowingly—followed that advice.

Purpled had taken a much different method to getting away. Instead of making himself untraceable, he hid in plain sight. He went to Hypixel and made a name for himself playing Bedwars. With each game he won, with each game he clutched, he amassed supporters. Players, believers and doubters alike, began to bet on the outcome of his matches. Purpled had made himself seen. He knew the Watchers knew he was there, but that was the point. They couldn’t reach him, not without breaking their own rules, at least. Unlike the two Players turned Watchers, the original Watchers cared deeply for and were bound by their rules. Even if they had tried anything, Purpled managed to create his own legacy, making for himself what they never could. Beyond that, he'd found friends, he'd built a community, surrounded himself with people who would look for him and make themselves a problem for the Watchers if they tried to make him go back. They were forced to sit by and do nothing as he continuously broke their most important rule.

Purpled didn't need the Watchers, he never did.

Grian didn't really know how he felt about the Watchers. He didn't think he hated them, not really. The Watchers had given him a taste of true freedom then immediately began to restrain him. They'd given him wings and the power to create worlds in mere seconds, something which would not only take a regular Admin a much longer time, it would require a significant amount of preparation. He was given the world at his fingertips but was limited by the long list of rules the Watchers enforced. He doesn't regret joining them—he wouldn't give up his wings for the world—but they just weren't enough. The more they tried to make him fit their mold of a perfect little Watcher, the more sure of that he became.

It was almost funny, the Watchers had become stricter in order to prevent another Purpled situation. They were trying to ensure Grian wouldn’t leave them too, but in doing so, they had given him reason to. He was a bit curious though, he wondered what Purpled was up to now. Grian hadn’t gotten news about him since he’d left the Watchers.

So Grian went to Hypixel, he wanted to see if he could track down Purpled. He knew the other was there, judging by the leaderboards, but he couldn’t seem to catch him around the hub. He managed to track down gamblers betting on Purpled's victories. Grian followed that lead, tailing the person who was updating them on the results of Purpled's matches. Somehow that person continued to find intel without Grian catching where Purpled was. It made no sense, and if he was being honest with himself, it had long since reached the point of being frustrating. Eventually, after an infuriating amount of dead ends Grian decided he may as well play a few games before calling it a day and heading home. He tried a few solo matches of bedwars and while PvP wasn't really his thing, he had to admit throwing fireballs at people was pretty fun.

Grian finding Purpled wasn't even intentional on his part. At that point he wasn’t even actively looking or playing the game properly. He’d simply started building houses after politely asking people to leave him alone with varying levels of success. After a few games, he received a friend request from the person who had won the last match with a message inviting him to join them for some doubles. Grian accepted after a moment of thought, they seemed polite enough. They had left him for last when it would’ve been way easier and much more convenient to just continue their clockwise sweep.

It didn’t take Grian long to realize that his new companion was nicked, though to be fair, he was too. It’s not that he particularly cared when someone was nicked, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. There was something about this person, the way they held themself, the general energy around them, something that just felt so familiar. Try as he might, though, Grian couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

It was when he noticed the absolute confidence and ease in which his companion threw themself into the void that Grian finally gave in to his curiosity. Players usually avoid the void, and even if they did jump into it for strategic purposes, he's never seen anyone

recover as fast as his companion did. While they ran off to go stab someone who was getting too close to their area for comfort, Grian tried to look past their disguise. He was met with resistance, surprisingly. Usually looking past a Player being nicked was no issue. He pushed harder, it was more than just curiosity at this point, he needed to know who this was, why they were able to resist him. Somehow the results were worse this time. Grian realized with increasing bewilderment that he could no longer even see his companion. His teammate was just gone, there one moment and gone the next.

Grian blinked away the purple in his eyes, focusing on his surroundings. There were no new bridges leading away, his teammate was still in the game, and they hadn't died. Where could they have gone? He continued to scan the island when he was suddenly hit with the overwhelming sense of being watched. There, standing beside him was his teammate, eyes glowing the same purple Grian's had moments before.

"Something wrong, Grian?"

It all clicked for him then. His nicked companion was the guy he had been looking for the entire time, he’d only just now decided to reveal himself. Of course Grian’s Watcher abilities hadn’t helped, Purpled had way more power here than he did. He was just a guest in the other’s domain, he never had a chance of finding him if he hadn’t wanted to be found.

“Y’know, you could have been a lot clearer.”

“Rule 7. Besides, you figured it out, didn’t you?”

Once they reunited, the two realized they still got along well. They agreed to keep in contact, and they did. Grian would sometimes hop onto Hypixel to join Purpled for a few games—always nicked, they didn’t want the Watchers to realize they were in contact— and other times he'd drag him off to a creative world to challenge him to a game of build swap or various flying courses he’d created. The two often swapped tips and tricks for things they were good at. Grian would give Purpled lessons on building, block palettes, and flying (he argued the other only ever really using his wings while voiding didn’t count). In exchange, Purple would try to give him advice on various things he’d picked up from playing bedwars: block clutches, speedbridging, and general PvP.

When Purpled was invited onto the DreamSMP, he was fairly excited. He loved what he had going on with Hypixel and his friends there, but part of him had always wanted this. Ever since he was with the Watchers, overlooking everything on Evo and worlds before that, part of him had wished to be on the other side of things. This desire only grew stronger as he heard the tales of what Grian got up to on Hermitcraft.

The Dream SMP was nothing like he expected it to be. It turned out to be a hardcore world, only 3 “lives” allowed per player. There were also seemingly infinite respawns, though, which made no sense. He wasn’t sure which was more annoying: the unclear respawn rules or the fact that he was never told about them before he agreed to join.

Besides that, there was also some entity with a great amount of power, even more than the admin himself. Purpled had noticed their presence fairly quickly upon joining and he was immediately on edge. He had no information on the being, their power, their motives, nothing. And that felt dangerous. Purpled had unintentionally ended up falling back into old habits from working with the Watchers as he tried to establish himself in this world. He claimed land for his own, carving out his own domain within that of the unknown god while trying to avoid catching their attention. Eventually, once he was comfortable enough within the world, he began trying to reach out, trying to get involved in the things that were happening. He heard there was a war brewing, and if he learned anything from Grian, things were about to get really fun.

They didn’t.

His attempts to involve himself mostly failed, so he went back to doing what he had before. He claimed more and more land and continued watching over events from the sidelines. Things got serious, conflicts got personal, and unless he was directly pulled in by someone he considered a friend, Purpled just watched.

Anyway my excuse for whatever is going on with their designs is that Watchers can control how they are perceived. This is my city and I want them to have cool wings. Also Peggy was supposed to be my impulse control but the memo got lost in the mail and she never got it, so she enabled me instead. Now we have both funky dragon/parrot vibes on Grian and vague alien/phantom/vex vibes on Purpled

[i-may-be-stupit]

Idk the horney got me, so here we are HAHAHAHA 18+ and kinda a bit of crack at times, ENJOY!!!!! Oh! And this is reletively gender neutral, babes!!

Your name is (Y/N) (L/N). And you've always been known as a good kid. That is until your father was murdered by a hero. He did a lot of dirty work, sure, but he did it for his family to survive. And when a hero took him down, everyone cheered. They never though about his family. Nor his place in the world. They saw him as dirt. The same way you started seeing heros.

To you, heros didn't care about the villians and didn't care whether they died or lived. They were savage beasts who needed to be taken down. You became a villian. You would assassinate hero after hero with the simple tittle of "Marrow." And that's when you met the League.

They had the same ideals as you and could help make your dream a reality.

You joined the League, but you were still you. You were a seemingly innocent flower that blossomed in any form of villainous mayhem.

Your quirk was known as simply bone manipulation. You could manipulate your bones however you pleased and you could even shoot them out like needles. But, you were at higher risk for osteoporosis.

Its been 6 months since then and you've made yourself at home with the LOV. Twice and Toga were your closest friends now, but Shigaraki just hits different.

You'd go out and have fun with your two close friends, and to be honest, you're pretty sure that you three had pulled every prank possible on Dabi. Kurogiri was like a dad to you now. He gave lots of great advice and made sure that you kept up with your online college classes in between villian duties.

But shigaraki was a whole other story.

I mean, he was usually crule and hateful towards everyone, but the League was his soft spot. He treats members like family. He cherishes them. Even if he doesn't say it. He almost always have been putting them first.

And it made you kind of...attracted to him.

Yeah, he was dryer than the Saharan Desert, and had a diet of strictly microwavable ramen and redbull, but he was actually a good guy. You caught yourself staring at him a few times per day and your crush on him was appearant to you as well as all the other members.

So here you were, staring in awe at Tomura as he and Dabi played against eachother in Mortal Kombat. (They'd fight at least once a day, so Kurogiri made up the idea of fighting in Mortal combat instead whenever they got fed up with eachother) You blushed, seeing Shigaraki so serious. Ugh, there's just something about him...

Toga walked into the room and sat down in the loveseat next to you. She smirked before loudly announcing, "Gee, (Y/N)! It looks like your boyfriend, Tomura, is winning!" You started choking her.

No, deadass.

You fucking wrapped your hands around her neck and violently shook her head back and forth like Bart and Homer Simpson. Toga just laughed and moaned, causing you to feel too violated to keep choking her. You let go and as you did, Shigaraki stood up and started making fun of Dabi for being a "Bitch ass loser."

You blushed deeply, eyes lidded while gazing at the crusty boy. All you could see was Shigaraki, hearts around him as he did his breathtaking victory dance in slow motion. His gorgeous, dehydrated body swayed and jiggled happily as he jumped a few times, white specs gently fluttered from his head. His dandruff glistening in the florescent lights, as you sighed, absolutely smitten. Dabi rolled his eyes at his boss before looking at you. He then smirked. This cant be good.

Dabi chuckled. "Oh okay, Shiggy, you beat me fair and square." Shigaraki looked at him suspiciously. "It's okay though." He smirked, "Because I'm sure that (Y/N) can give me a little pick-me-up!"

The white haired boy glarred at Dabi then at you. Dabi slyly slipped over to you and Toga. He grabbed you be your wrist and pulled you up to stand. You were too flustered out of your mind to even do anything. He wrapped both of his hands around your waist. "Isn't that right, baby?"

You laughed awkwardly, "Dabi, not to be rude or anything, but you seem like a heavy man and I don't know if I could manage carrying all of your body weight if I were to pick you up, I mean my bones are kinda brittle as they are and-"

He brought his face to yours and kissed your neck softly. "We're gonna have some fun tonight, right?" You fucking hit him with a suplex, a small crack being heard from your hip. God damn it, your fucking brittle ass bones! Everyone burst out in laughter (aside from Kurogiri who was facepalming). Dabi sat on the floor rubbing his head in pain. "Fuck, (Y/N)! It was a joke!"

You folded your arms and frowned. "Well don't joke around with me like that!" Heat rose to your cheeks, "Especially in front of T-Tomura..." You looked at your boss to see him still too busy laughing at Dabi getting backflipped. You smiled shyly, holding your cheeks and wiggling like the love sick shit you are. He's so dreamy~ oh my, is he coughing up blood from laughing too hard?

You looked in disgust for a moment before sighing loudly. Ugh, it's so sexy when he coughs up blood! Shigaraki looked at his hand before licking the blood back into his mouth like a fucking heathen-

Sorry.

Your fucking heathen.

Later that night, everyone was out and about, leaving you and Shigaraki alone. He was drinking a glass of rum and coke as you doodled in a little notebook. You looked up to see him staring at you already. You both quickly looked away. It's been rough lately, dealing with your crush on him.

And Tomura was catching on.

Well, kinda.

He thinks he's really ugly and unworthy of love, so he thinks you just stare at him because you're still taken back at how hideous (he believes) he is. He's been wearing Father on his face more often and been getting more easily upset at you. But, he was also confused because he was starting to like your fragile self.

He's scared that he'll break you with one tap of the finger. That's just how fragile you seem. Shigaraki smiled softly, staring deeply into his glass.

(Y/N) seems so fragile, but they're a god damn hurricane.

Shigaraki swirled his cup around, deep in thought. How can they fight so well when they seem so brittle? It's strange. It's unexpected... It's interesting. Your boss' cheeks turned a tint of pink. (Y/N) can pull off a suplex on Dabi. Their back bent so far... I wonder what (Y/N) looks like arching it for me... He looked over at your figure. You were awkwardly dangling your feet off the couch, seeming to be lost in thought. Tomura sighed and took another whisk of his drink. They're way too cute for me...

There's been a lot of awkward times with you two alone. And you could both feel the tension. Shigaraki left to his room with a small sigh. He hates basically everything. But you? He might just love you.

You two hung out a lot actually. You'd play videogames together and have small movie nights for the two of you. You vividly remembered cuddling up beside him one winter night. It was snowing and you two chatted while sitting on the floor making Smores in the fireplace.

But it got harder and harder to be around eachother when you both started liking eachother. It got...awkward. And the night that Tomura asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie with you and got a concerned face from you was the night his heart broke. You just didn't want to accidentally grab him at a jumpscare and have him laugh at you for being a pussy. But he thought that you just didnt trust him.

You sighed, thinking about that shitty night, and walked to Shigaraki's room. You had to tell him about your feelings. You knocked softly and was allowed to enter. Shigaraki was sitting in bed, wide awake, just sitting there, staring at the wall in front of him in thought.

You sat awkwardly on his bed in a tense silence for a good minute as the man just stared awkwardly at you through the hand on his face. Shigaraki sighed when he noticed you werent going to say anything, and he set Father down on his nightstand.

"(Y/N), I feel uncomfortable with you staring at me all the time." Heat rushed to your cheeks and you stared harder at the  ground. "I get that I'm ugly, but you should know how rude it is to stare-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You glarred at him, anger boiling up. "The fuck did you just call yourself?!"

He glarred right back at you. "I said I was ugly, did I stutter?"

Yeah. Youre choosing to ignore that attitude. "Tomura, you're not ugly."

He rolled his eyes. "There is literally no other reason for you to be staring at me that much, mutt."

You folded your arms with a frown. "I think you're handsome."

He laughed.

He laughed hard as hell.

For a good 3 minutes straight.

"Oh thats a good one, (Y/N)! You know, I'm actually enjoying you-"

"I'm serious!" You poked his chest hard while getting closer to his face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "I think you have pretty eyes!" You poked him again, "You have a pretty face!" You poked him one last time, "And you're an amazing leader!" Shigaraki went silent with a blush and so did you. You twittled your fingers together, looking away timidly. "I-uh... I think I l-like you, actually."

Tomura chuckled breathlessly with concern for your mental health, eyes darting around uncomfortably. "Are you being...serious...?"

"Mm-hm..."

"Oh....okay." He awkwardly looked away from you with a small blush. Hes never had anyone like him romantically. Actually, not a lot of people even like him generally. And it made it extra weird with you being so damn cute and funny to him. 

You layed down on his bed, anxiety rushing through you. It was weird to tell your boss that you liked him. I mean, its probably gonna be awkward between you two forever! Tomura layed down next to you. His hands overlapping eachother on his chest. You looked over to him with a small awkward smile. "So-uh... do you like me back...?"

Tomura frowned. "Are you fucking dumb??" You winced and he just rolled his eyes. "It would be impossible to not fall in love with you." A small chuckle left your lips as he softly started playing in your (h/t) hair.

You frowned. "Did I say you could touch my hair?"

He rolled his eyes before lifting you up to straddle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks. And you pushed his chest away as your (e/c) eyes darted away. "T-Tomura, what are y-you doing?" You were speechless and flustered. And it wasn't helping that his hands were laying on your waist (pinkies up of course).

Tomura chuckled with a mischevious look in his eyes. He slowly moved his hands up and down your sides. "Let me play with your hair...and as a reward..." He kissed you softly on your lips. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before...." He licked your ear and you thanked the Lord for that because it just made his mouth a lil less crusty. "Deal?" His breath tickled your ears and your breathing turned into aroused, airy breaths.

"Deal..." Shigaraki smirked before kissing you roughly, his hand engulfed in your (h/t) hair, leaving his middle finger up of course. As his tongue darted around your mouth, he pulled your hair harder, causing a wince of pain from you. His lips left yours quickly.

"Am I being too rough?"

You smiled softly at him. He cares! "Oh, just a little."

Shigaraki grinned before pulling your hair even harder. "You'll get used to that." Your eyes widened in fear and pain as he threw you onto the bed roughly. He kissed you harder, and forced your thighs open with both of his hands, pinkies up.

He laughed with arousal, pressing his clothed member against you. You sighed as he grinded against your bottoms while tongue kissing you. His hands left your thighs and brought themselves to your body. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over your neck and his indexes and thumbs twirled and pulled at your nipples under your shirt.

"Ah-!" You moaned loudly as the man sucked at your soft spot. "T-Tomura!" A small gasp left your lips and his connected to your skin. Mumbled moans came from you, your hand over your mouth. Tomura glarred the second he heard a moan muffled. "H-Hey!" He had grabbed your hand from over your mouth and tightly gripped it with four fingers, pressing it against the headboard.

He grinned widely out of nowhere, "You really thought you could get away with hiding those beautiful sounds from me?" He sat up, unbuckling his jeans. His eyes went cold as he took off his pants and boxer briefs. "I'm gonna have to get some type of...hm, whats the word?" He looked away in though before smiling and snapping his fingers, "Compensation! Yeah...and I know just what I want from you." Shigaraki push you off of the bed roughly. You fell to the floor and rubbed your arm. He sat on the king-sized in front of you with his cock in his hand. "Suck."

You frowned at him. Did he really have to push you off like that? You got on your knees between his thighs and took a good look at it.

Fuck, he's hung...

You covered your mouth with a huge blush. Where the hell did that come from?! He was a good nine inches and quite thick. You frowned at him and pointed at his cock. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He frowned.

Shigaraki didnt say another word. He just grabbed you by the hair and placed it against your lips. You frowned before licking the tip softly, making him laugh breathlessly. "Fuck..." You sucked on his tip and his hand tightened around your hair, pulling a bit. He looked down at you, smirking while absolutely flustered. "Ugh, your little mouth was made for my fat cock, wasn't it, (Y/N)?" He chuckled and pressed your head forward, forcing a bit more of him inside of you. Shigaraki panted as you bobbed your head back and forth on him. "Youre such a fucking slut..." His cheeks was tinted pink as he stared down at you. Tomura started bobbing your head back and forth on him. He laughed as you gagged on him. "What? Is it too big?" Your face went even hotter. How can he be so fucking conceited yet self conscious?! The white hair boy held your face and was practically thrusting into your mouth at this point. He threw his head back and groaned as cum filled your mouth. "Fuck, (Y/N), you're good at that." He watched you like prey as you thumbed the white substance dripping down your chin. You licked your thumb and he chuckled. "How does it taste?"

You smirked at him minscheviously while getting back on the bed. You took off your bottoms and short then spread your legs. "It tastes good enough to deserve a tip, right?" Shigaraki licked his lips as he crawled in between your thighs.

He rubbed you, playing with your slit. "Did sucking me off really get you this turned on?" You flushed and covered your eyes with your forearm. Tomura smirked mischievously as he licked at you. You moaned quietly, his tongue swirling around and his finger going in and out of your hole.

He stuck his ringerfinger in and you squeaked in pleasure. "Mmm... Tomura, I-just like that..." He sucked and licked, getting more sloppy as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pumoed faster and faster and your small groans turned into loud moaning as you orgasmed. "Fuck Tomura! Ah-!" You came in his mouth, immediately apologizing. Shigaraki just licked his now soaked fingers and you just stared at him, blushing hard as hell. You smiled softly. "H-How do I taste?"

His red eyes prowled your body as he got on top of you. Your cheeks got hotter when he strattled you. You sighed as he rubbed his manhood against you. Small, flustered moans escaped your lips at his teasing. "You taste like you were missing something." His warm breath tickled your ear, "But I'll fix that right up for you."

Tomura slowly entered you. He groaned out your name in ecstasy. You were a bit uncomfortable at first at his thickness. "W-wait, dont move yet..." You breathed in and out slowly, feeling yourself adjust to him. A groan left your lips, "O-okay..."

Tomura grinded against you, kissing your neck as your hands fiddled with his hair. He started off slow, savoring the feeling of you. He sighed into your collarbone. "God, (Y/N), you're so tight..." He cursed underneath his breath, fucking you a bit faster.

Tears pricked at your eyes. This was almost too much for you. Youve always fantasized about being with Shigaraki and now that it was happening, it felt almost too good to be true. He grinded into you deeper, filling you up fully as his hand held both of tour wrists above your head. The bed rocked as he started thrusting into you faster and deeper. "T-Tomura, you feel so good inside of me!" He groaned louder and you couldn't help but become flustered at all of his noises.

He fucked you even faster and harder. "Fuck, youre mine now, okay?" You nodded and moaned louder at him. "Oh fuck!" His white hair bounced as he pulled out and flipped you over. You were on your forearms and knees, begging for him to keep fucking you good as he thrusted in and out, his hand pulling at your hair as the other gave the occasional spank on your ass. Tomura's thrusts became sloppy as you reached your peak. You both moaned loudly, his cum pouring from inside of you. Shigaraki pulled out and immediately collapsed next to you.

You panted as his arms wrapped themselves around you. You smiled at him. "That was good, right?" He chuckled and kissed your lips.

"The best."

You two spooned as Kurogiri had an extra glass of wine, in utter disgust at when he was forced to hear.

[crystalkleure]

Haha hey remember that post I made awhile back, speculating on what a bad idea it might be to fuse dead things in the godless Frankenstein fossil machine

Meet White. He is a reanimated corpse. Two of them, actually. Or more like 1.5. [And I whipped up this half-assed partial reference sheet in one night instead of sleeping, so don’t look too hard at the chickenscratch lineart and visible guidelines, and kindly ignore the total lack of shading as well as any other messy jankiness.]

White is a product of me wondering not only about what happens if you NecroFuse a human with a Pokemon, but also what happens if you make it even worse and specifically fuse that human with a Pokemon capable of mega evolution. Because canon seems to imply that mega evolving is at best deeply uncomfortable -- and at worst outright agonizing -- for whatever creature is going through it.

Character Lore under the cut. Lots of text:

White is one of actually multiple undead guys who got mashed together with bits of dead Pokemon. They’re science experiments, so they've got the dex numbers of the Pokemon they're spliced with tattooed on the backs of their necks, and those numbers were treated as their names In The Evil Science Lab.

In his Original Life, White [and some of his buddies] got gored to death by some escaped Horrible Fucking Monsters that were accidentally [...and then not-so-accidentally] created via Two Pokemon At Once In A Fossil Resurrection Machine, because hey, it is SUPER easy to think you got Just One Thing's Bones from an excavation dig but then later you realize that Some Of Those Bones were from something TOTALLY different that just died in the same place. It happens. So, some Fossil Scientist People accidentally resurrected an Abomination, realized they fucked up pretty fast...and then started wondering if they REALLY fucked up or if this is Cool, Actually. And then the team of Science People split into two Morality Factions, with one half being like “This is unethical as shit, we need to make sure this doesn't happen again because it's not natural so who knows how this poor fucked up creature is suffering” and the other, cooler half being like “WE NEED TO DO THIS AGAIN RIGHT NOW BECAUSE SCIENCE. IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES HOLY SHIT.”

Cooler group splits off from the Horrified Group With Morals, and they promptly use their Science Knowledge to Construct More Machines and Make More Monsters. Doesn't take too long for them to realize, however, that Abomination Pokemon are stupidly hard to control, because not only are they suffering, their masters obviously don't care for their wellbeing, so Revolt Inevitably Occurs and they escape to wreak havoc upon the nearest congregation of townspeople. They promptly maul some people to death at a nearby local rock concert, scientists chase after them to clean up the mess, realize “Oh Shit, Manslaughter Charges Impending”, and then realize...

Science Guy 1: “...Hey, what happens if you put a dead person in the fossil machine?”

Science Guy 2: “Hey, people probably listen better than Pokemon. We can, like, TALK to people.”

Science Guy 3: “Lads, I got a stellar idea just now. And we got plenty of Dead Guys to start with right here! Great way to hide the bodies too, probably.”

This goes approximately as well as you would expect, and precisely as ethically. A smashing success!

However, because they Fucking Died, the reanimated Newly-Monsterized dudes do not remember shit about who they were pre-resurrection. They're not technically even the same people, they’re more like clones. They've been remade. So, all they know now is Science Lab Life, and they have no initial attachment to eachother aside from "that other guy is also a Science Experiment Person just like me, so Same Hat @ Labrat Neighbour ig", in spite of several having been friends or even family prior to death. They also just...don’t know/remember things in general. They are fresh blank slates. And to a morally-bankrupt team of scientists, that’s perfect! They can train these guys to behave however they please!

...However, people might be People Instead Of Animals, meaning they can be Reasoned With And Manipulated And Coerced far better than animals due to their far better communication abilities with the Science People, but...there is Still A Problem in the sense that Holy Shit, A Person Can Only Take So Much. You can only treat someone as "Experiment [number]" for so long, blatantly putting no value on their life outside of The Value Of Scientific Research, in spite of literally basically needing to raise them like a normal child due to the Lack Of Memories issue. Eventually they're not gonna be able to take that anymore and they are gonna Fucking Leave, too. And they’re gonna be much harder to track down than the rampaging Pokemon were. Impossible, actually, once they’ve ripped out their tracking chips.

So then there's just these monster dudes, who don't actually know what they are because they weren't ever told anything more than necessary to get them to cooperate with Tests And Experiments, just Escaped Into Civilization and having NO idea how Anything works. Fun! Especially considering how, at first glance, these just look like Normal Dudes. Their monster bits either aren't apparent or just look like funky body modifications.

They've also got Science Things in them and they Don't Know What The Fuck Those Things Even Are. They've just got these little Devices in/on their chests, and they were never informed of the exact functions of them because there's no reason to explain to the experiment What Is Happening, just that the experiment needs to Hold Still and Cooperate and Now Do This, Now Do This, Now Do That, Good Job That's Enough For Today, etc.

Those devices contain both key stones and mega stones.

If you were a Mad Pokemon Scientist, you would most certainly be interested in the mega evolution phenomenon. What would YOU do if some of your Undead Fusion Experiments happened to be spliced with bits of Pokemon known to be capable of mega evolving? You’d kill two birds with one enigmatic set of stones, that’s what you’d do. Your Frankenstein Experiments can even TALK to you and tell you exactly what they are experiencing when you run tests on them! It’s perfect!

So, if a rock-bearing monster’s heart rate goes too high, part of the little device, which is a barrier between one type of rock and the other, opens up and Exposes One Rock To The Other Rock. Which exposes the monster to the Rock Energy Reaction. The greater the stress, the higher the dose. And I’m sure you can see the snowball effect that’s gonna create, at least the first time or two.

They were INTENDED to eventually be made to Physically Fight With Eachother to gauge the effects of The Rocks™️ when the Guys With The Rocks are under Stress and need to Do Some Self-Defense. The Science Squad was basically trying to suss out the Actual Purpose of mega evolution. Because mega evolution is weird -- it puts ENORMOUS stress on the body of whatever is undergoing it, so the hypothesis was that its true power is probably drawn out best via a perceived life-threatening situation, like it’s a type of hysterical strength, because what else would cause a need for that kind of ability. And aren’t ethics a bit overrated?

So, there’s our premise. White is just wandering around without any particular purpose outside of never ever going back to Science Hell, and he has no clue what the funny little doohickey buried in his chest does until it activates one day and absolutely fucks him up [...as well as everyone around him. Mega Absol radiate an Aura Of Sheer Terror that can literally scare people with weak hearts to death if they’re not careful.]

And now, some Miscellaneous Character Info:

The bit about Lots Of Death happening at a rock concert specifically was important. White was actually the vocalist of the band that was playing. He doesn’t remember that now, but he still loves music and has the same strong vocal cords. And THAT is important because White is partially an Absol now and Absol naturally learns Perish Song. These Fusion Monsters are absolutely capable of using Pokemon moves, though whether they’re aware of this is a different matter entirely. Imagine what happens when they end up tapping into those abilities accidentally.

That band was a relatively-unknown little local band. White was by no means anywhere near famous. Very few people even realized he was gone, and most of the ones who would have noticed also ended up Equally Unalive.

That black stuff between the belts on White’s arms is mesh. Like, stocking mesh. It gets Ripped The Fuck Apart when he goes Mega Mode and his arm fur gets Extra Spiky. Hence one stocking being a bit tattered in that reference pic. He frequently has to replace those things, they are fragile.

“How did White get his name if he doesn’t remember his original name and didn’t have a real name in the lab” I am glad you asked! Post-escape, he eventually encountered a situation where someone asked him what his name was, he bluntly told them “I don’t have one. I am #359.”, they said “Well That Is Not A Name, I need something proper to call you”, and he was just...Super Apathetic. So, the other person picked out the name “White” just based on the fact that White’s hair is white, and he just shrugged and rolled with it.

As you can see in my Incredibly Quick And Rough Sketches, the backs of White’s shirts are open to accommodate that huge amount of fur that bristles out into false wings when he goes Mega Mode. Because his Actual Normal Hair is relatively long and overlaps with that fur, it blends in with his Actual Normal Hair and doesn’t look too odd [when it’s down]. Probably mostly because nobody’s expecting it to be anything OTHER than Perfectly Normal Hair That Just Happens To Be Very Long.

White does not particularly like violence. White does not want to beat you up. He will, though, without a bit of hesitation, if there’s some logical reason he feels like it’s the most practical course of action. Being essentially raised by Cold, Emotionally-Sterile Scientists With No Care For The Wellbeing Other Living Beings uh, tends to affect a guy a little bit. White has a bit of an internal dilemma regarding “It would be efficient for me to just Harm This Other Person to defuse the current situation, because attempting nonviolence will be overall more risky somehow” vs. “Holy shit it feels bad when I hurt people. Why does it feel bad when I hurt people. Is it...SUPPOSED to feel bad when I hurt people?? No one ever felt bad for hurting me.” He Figures Out How Empathy Works Eventually. He is a good guy at heart. He is a Monotone Snarker, but not actually Cold or Malicious at all.

If an Absol can do it, White can probably do it. He has incredibly keen senses and a STRONG ability to Detect Impending Doom. He has exactly the amount of Supernatural Absol Powers you would expect. He is also stupidly physically strong, way more so than he appears to be.

White can’t punch people. Look at the fist he’s making in the pic, he’s doing it wrong. If you punch someone like that, you WILL break your own thumb. That’s not a Revving Up To Sock Someone pose, he’s just tense. He’s using his thumb as a buffer between his long-ass Sharp As Fuck claws and the flesh of his palm. If White tries to punch anybody, or just makes a proper fist at all, he will impale his own hand on his nails. Like, all the way through. He CAN slash straight through things like metal and bone with those claws, though.

White...is unsettling. Completely accidentally, and unknowingly. He just radiates an Aura Of Intimidation [...or Pressure], even when not in Mega Mode, that scales depending on his mood. Just being near him tends to put people and Pokemon on edge. Thus, he’s generally avoided.

The latter point is especially unfortunate, because White’s preferred method of Socializing and Bonding is to just kind of quietly hang out in the same room as whoever he is trying to Socialize and Bond with. He just wants to, like...chill out Near A Buddy and watch a movie and share a bag of chips or something. His social skills are predictably not good.

[anothertimdrakestan]

Heat Waves (TimKon)

Words: 3k

Hi! I’m so glad you’re here! I’ve been working on this for way too long and definitely have a pt2 planned out if you guys like part one! I hope you’ll take the time to read this because I spent way too long on it and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out!

for the like 0.1% of my audience that this overlaps with, yes, i too am utterly obsessed with Heat Waves for DNF and have been listening to this song on repeat for three days straight waiting for chapter 8. But, i figured why not let that amazing piece of absolute art inspire a Timkon fic cuz they have the same dynamic as DNF in my eyes! All credits go to tbhyourelame on ao3!

if you don’t know what heat waves is that’s fine this is just a regular fic but I highly recommend you checkout the amazing song here 

It was as hot as death itself in Kansas. Not to mention a farm with no AC was just about the worst place Conner could be forced to “vacation” at. But Ma and Pa had been begging to have him over and the month of June just seemed to overlap, so there Kon was, sweating buckets in the middle of nowhere. 

It felt so cold in Gotham. Though, the temperature was comfortable- the most comfortable it had been all year- but Tim always felt colder, lonelier, when Conner wasn’t by his side. The two of them were a duo, fitting together like a puzzle piece, the absolute best of friends and best of heroes. But now, he was using his mandatory away-from-the-tower weeks up while Conner was in Kansas, it was some sort of mandate that Bruce’s kids come home occasionally and instead of suffering weekends in Gotham Tim opted to just grind out a few weeks at the manor, even if it meant dealing with Damian’s unrelenting murder attempts. But it wasn’t all bad, Tim got to patrol with Bruce again, hang out with Jason occasionally, and even see Dick from time to time. “Family” bonding at it’s finest. 

“Hello?” Tim’s voice was quiet, Kon constantly felt himself turning the volume button up on his phone just to hear a decibel more of his best friend’s comforting tone. 

“Hey Timbers how was your day?” Conner felt himself relaxing to the light sound of Tim breathing, he was laying on the floor, spread like a starfish so that no sticky part of his body could touch and create more sweat. 

“Nothing much, no patrol tonight- I guess you remembered,” Tim’s voice was filling his ears. I remember everything you tell me. “Yeah, yeah I did,” Conner quickly replied. “Any boring farm chores today?” Conner heard the familiar rustling, he could hear Tim stand up, he’d memorized the sound of Tim taking him off speaker and resting the phone in between his shoulder and ear. He could hear Tim’s hair, that he knew he was probably growing out, brush the mic. I always liked his hair longer. 

“Kon?” Tim snapped him back into the stiflingly hot room. “Oh sorry, it’s really hot here, kinda makes me zone out. Um, I’m alright I got to hangout with the cows today which was cool- they don’t like the heat either but Ma says it’ll be over soon,” Conner rambled, all too focused on Tim’s breath in his ear. 

“Sorry for making you zone out, I guess nothing interesting is happening here,” Tim sighed, Conner shook his head, rolling over on the floor, leaning down into the mic of his phone. 

“Nothing about you bores me Tim,” 

Tim didn’t reply. Conner mentally cursed himself, he was really too tired, too hot and bothered to be this flirtatious with Tim, who was a complete wild card when it came to Conner. 

And then he answered, Tim’s voice was higher pitched, the way it ascended when he was blushing- he was blushing. “Well that’s not true, I’m very boring. When I’m doing cases or training or-” Conner couldn’t take it. 

“Nothing about you could bore me Tim. I’m down to be with you whenever, doing whatever, you know that,” he felt his tone soften, loving the way Tim’s breath hitched with every compliment.

“Be with me?” Tim shot back playfully, Conner could practically hear the smirk toying on the smaller boy’s lips. 

“Did I stutter?” Conner heard a loud noise, a thump. Tim’s voice was high pitched again, “Sorry- uh I dropped my phone,” Conner felt himself growing warmer, if at all physically possible. “No problem. So, what are you doing tomorrow with Bruce?” Conner didn’t like pushing Tim too far, hell, he barely knew how he felt half the time. Tim’s voice brightened, “Oh! We’re gonna go to this old ice cream shop I adored as a kid! It’s been too long since I’ve been there, you remember me talking about it?” 

Conner didn’t need a second to answer, “Sub 30, you always get the one with the espresso poured over it,” he couldn’t lie, ice cream sounded absolutely heavenly at the moment. Tim’s voice flooded through the heat, “Right as always- I swear they programmed some sort of photographic memory inside of you,” Tim teased, Conner answered honestly, “I just listen when you tell me things”. The night went on, Tim quickly had to go, believe it or not he did sleep when given the opportunity. “Try not to die of heat exhaustion, drink lots of water throughout the day, not all at once,” Conner smiled, “will do, goodnight Timmy,” Tim answered mid yawn, “night Kon”.

And then he was alone. Alone with the heat, with his thoughts, the latter far more dangerous. He’s my best friend, of course I remember everything. Conner found himself staring at the ceiling, Ma had painted constellations on the walls and ceilings of the room, something funny about alien genes liking the stars. Conner used to be able to find every pattern, name every star, but the only shape he could trace was Tim. There were his eyes, they were pools of deep blue, they sparkled when he laughed but could glare bullets when he tried. If he stared hard enough Kon could find his hair, it’s always soft and smells delicious, layers falling effortlessly- cascading to frame his face. Then there were his lips, Conner found himself constantly mesmerized with the way Tim bit his bottom lip when thinking, the way they scrunched together when he said something funny, how they constricted when he bit the inside of his cheek just enough to hide the emotion he was so scared of portraying. They were perfect. 

He let the heat take his mind, flowing with the stars as he thought dangerous thoughts about his best friend. His thoughts danced around Tim’s waist, flowing carefully around his chest, wrapping Kon in every layer of Tim’s personality, every smile, laugh, tear, scowl, it was Tim. Kon’s Tim. 

And there, on the floor, he drifted to an uncomfortable, sweaty sleep.

~

Tim was scrolling aimlessly through his phone, Gotham was surprisingly boring. He once found the city bustling and distinctly alive but now it only left him cold, cold and bored. 

“Ice cream as good as you remember?” Bruce’s voice lifted him from his device. “Yup! Can’t believe you let me have espresso at like 10, you basically started my addiction.” Tim threw on a smile, glancing down at the half eaten dessert. “Yeah, can’t say I was the best father but, I tried,” Bruce’s shoulders shook lightly, but the laughter didn’t make it to his eyes. Did you really try? Truly? Tim dove back into the creamy sweet, admiring the bitterness the espresso brought the flavor. His phone buzzed.

K: Did you get the ice cream?

T: yeah, you remembered?

K: You literally told me last night

T: have i been off your mind since? 

K: No.

Conner always did this, every time Tim thought he’d throw him off guard with something funny or flirtatious just to have a little fun Kon took it and ran with it. And I’m always the one who ends up blushing. Tim thought, shaking his head. It was really his fault he let Conner get him riled up. They were best friends, flirting or dealing out little sexual quips were natural, and often pretty funny. 

“Earth to Tim? I’ve got a meeting you wanna head back while I head to the office?” Tim glanced over at Bruce who was now standing up in front of him. “Yeah, I can work on cases back at the manor, you gonna head to the office?” stretching his arms he stood up, noticing Bruce had put on his business face- the one stone cold and dry that only brought back the worst memories. “Yes.” His response was gruff, Tim suppressed the shudder that tried to dance down his spine. “Uh yeah, I’ll head back, have a nice day B,” he smiled, hoping it made it to his eyes. 

~

“You can’t keep calling me while I’m on patrol, it’s not safe,” Tim chastised Conner loosely, appreciating the company as his patrol with Damian was always deathly silent. “C’mon, you’re used to having me in your ear,” Tim gulped, glancing around for Damian who was three buildings over, deeply uninterested. “Kon, oh my god, I’m gonna mute you,” Tim whispered, revelling in the chuckle that stirred in Conner’s chest. It was deep, and warm, so distinctly warm Tim felt the heat budding in his chest. 

“So, patrol with the demon? He hasn’t cut your grapple line yet?” Conner’s tone was low and silky smooth. Coughing to clear his throat Tim replied, “nope, he’s most horrific when Bruce is here, when he’s not the punk couldn’t care less whether I live or die,” 

“I care,”

“I know Kon,” If only you knew how much I appreciated it. 

“Asshole, can you hear me? I said we’ve got a gang robbery on second? You coming genius?” Damian’s disgusted tone flooded over his comm, and Tim quickly turned his attention to the bat-brat who was already grappling towards the alarms and shouts. Conner’s whisper asked, “can he hear me?” and Tim replied, “no, you’re on a separate channel, Dami can only hear me when I unmute. Just be quiet while I take out these thugs,”

“Why? Because my voice distracts you?” Conner’s tone shifted into dangerously flirtatious. 

“No, cuz you’re annoying as shit,” Tim smirked, running across the top of a building, letting Damian call the signals so he didn’t get all upset. 

“Do I make you uncomfortable Tim? Do I make you forget just exactly what you’re doing, whether you want to use your batarang or bo staff? Do I make you, warm? Because it’s so warm here, so hot, god I’m just so hot I-”

“Shut. Up.” Tim struck the gun out of a scared looking man. Rolling his eyes at the man in his ear.

“Why? Are you too focused? We’ve taken out much harder criminals all while talking. Aren’t we just talking right now?” Kon’s voice was ringing in his head like never before. 

“I’m trying to focus but it’s no good when you’re in my ear.”

“And what if I wasn’t in your ear? You remember? When we work side by side, so close- are you an affectionate person Tim?” Tim could feel the heat dripping off of Conner’s voice, but he was taken aback by Conner’s new line of thought.

“Wha- what? Am I affectionate? I don’t know. Sometimes?” Tim almost missed a hit, huffing as Damian blocked what would’ve been a hard blow on him. “Start paying attention Drake,” Damian’s tone was acidic. But he was drawn back into his com as Conner’s voice flooded his ears again.

“Would you be affectionate with me?”

“Yes” Tim’s breathless reply was instant, his brain not giving him a chance to think.

“Good, I like that. You know I’m very affectionate too? I like getting to hold the people I care about close, feeling their warmth. You know I’m very warm right now?”

“I- I know Kon, I bet, are you doing alright? Drinking water?” Tim shook out the thought of Conner lazing out in his room, sweaty, lips parted as he pushed out warm breath- Stop. Focus. Your job is to defend these people. Damian’s doing a good job, You just have to round up the civilians. Tim forced himself back into the real world, taking on one of the gang members with ease, tying him up swiftly before moving on to the next.

“I heard that, I can hear it every time you take out one of those men. This is easy isn’t it? I can’t be that distracting to you. You’re too good.”

“You always do this,” Tim felt his cheeks heating up, his steps felt forced, like he had to remind himself to breathe. Tim carefully rounded up civilians, escorting them to safety as Conner started again in his ear. 

“Always do what Tim? Tell you how much I appreciate you? How much I miss you? Do you not think you deserve to be missed? To be loved?”

“Conner” Tim’s tone was harsher than he wanted it to be. But nonetheless Conner continued. 

“Why not? Why the hell not? You’re amazing Tim.”

Tim scoffed, playing it off as a cough to the people in front of him.

“What do you need to hear Tim? That you’re amazing? Brilliant?-”

“Oh my god Kon-” Tim interrupted, but Conner wasn’t done.

“Talented? Impressive? [his tone deepended] - Attractive?” 

“I’m gonna hang up,” Tim was breathing so hard he was practically hyperventilating. The compliments were all that consumed his thoughts, swirling around his brain, packing it full of deep, dangerously flammable thoughts. 

And Conner was ready to let it burn.

“You need to be kissed Tim,” Conner murmurs, throat raw, “so hard that you can’t remember your name- maybe then you’ll understand what I mean.”

The batarang in Tim’s hand clattered to the floor. Damian’s head whipped to him as Tim struggled to regain function. 

“I’m muting you, see you in a bit,” was all Tim could choke out before he ripped the earpiece out, unable to let it sit, burning into his skull. You’re almost done here, cool down, finish up. Tim told himself as he manually reminded himself to breathe. You’ve got this. 

~

Conner knew Tim ended the call. But he didn’t have the energy to stop the endless beeping from the disconnected phone. 

He was laying on the floor of his room, limbs spread out as he clawed for anything that could cool him down, but all he could feel was heat as he stared up at the stars.

He had to admit, he’d pushed Tim further than ever before. But it felt too right to stop, too good. He couldn’t stop replaying the way Tim’s breath hitched after every word, desperately grasping for the feeling budding up in his chest. It was too addictive to not let the words he’d spent too long crafting pour from his lips into Tim’s heart. 

Kon didn’t know how long he laid there, dazed in the heat, just trying to relive word after perfect word. 

Until his phone rang.

“Tim?” his voice was ragged and raw.

Tim’s was high pitched and tight. “Conner what the hell was that? Was that funny to you? Saying all those things- flirting with me while I’m trying to do my job?” 

“Flirting?” Conner mused, staring at the stars with a tattered smirk on his face.

“Don’t act dumb, I don’t know what kind of sick joke it was saying all that while I’m on patrol but I’m glad you think you’re funny,” Tim’s voice was cold. But not the cooling tone, it was sharp, like the way the freeze of ice can feel so painfully hot when applied too harshly. 

“I would’ve said it to you no matter what you were doing,” Conner whispered, resting his phone on his chest, wincing at the sticky noise it made as he tried to adjust it’s positioning. 

“So that was just all for you? To let you listen as you screwed with my brain?” Tim retorted. 

Conner was done dancing around the truth, all forms of control eluding his mind. “Yes,”

“That’s cruel Kon, can you imagine if I did that with you? Told you how you needed to be kissed while you’re out with Jon or something?” Tim sounded exasperated, but at the end of each quip Kon could hear the deep breaths he was taking. Does- Does he like this?

Tim continued. “Don’t answer that. Shut up, I know what you’re gonna say. ‘Oh Tim it’s not the same,’ just- just get out of my head!”

Conner sat up. He was floating. Floating in the middle of his room, the phone on his chest tumbling to the floor as he scrambled to grab it again, feeling his feet touch the ground as he held the phone as close to his lips as he could.

“What do you mean Tim? How am I in your head?” Do you feel the same way I do right now?

“You- you just know me. So well, and when you say stuff like that- when you’re in my ear saying those things your voice, it’s like fire, it burns.” Tim sounded desperate, his voice painfully strained. 

Conner’s head was spinning, “I burn you?” he matched Tim’s desperate tone.

“You melt me.” 

Conner’s head slammed against the roof of his room, as he tried to regain control of his senses he heard Tim murmur, “does that make sense?”

“More than you know Timbers, more than you know,” Conner could hear Tim let out a sigh, the kind that told him all would be okay. 

As Conner took a deep breath, steadying himself for what was to come Tim spoke first. “It’s so late Kon, I’ve been up to long, I think I need to go to bed,” Tim’s tone was soft again, the cooling, comforting tone that Kon was scared he’d never hear again. 

"Yeah, I- uh, have chores in the morning anyways.” Conner answered, hoping to give Tim some peace of mind.

“Okay, sounds good. Goodnight Conner,” Tim said quietly, his tone thoughtful and slow, finally letting the sleep crowd his mind. 

“Goodnight Tim, talk to you tomorrow?” Conner let too much hope sink into those last few words. 

“Yes, night now,” Tim answered easily, quickly hanging up the call, letting Conner sink down back into the carpet of his floor. 

“Tomorrow,” Conner whispered to himself, feeling the intense heat start to creep back in as he drifted into a sweaty sleep.

~

“Tomorrow,” Tim whispered to himself, trying to swallow the nerves he didn’t know Conner could draw out of him. 

“I’ll figure it out tomorrow.” 

-

-

-

not my usual fic but I really hope you enjoyed! 

taglist: @vintageroses10 @idkmanicantenglish @kishony-the-geek @foenixphire @how--are--you @psych0crybaby @romance-is-tragic @birdy-bat-writes @subtleappreciation @officiallydarkgeek also kita cuz i love u and wanted to try writing timkon more in your style hehehe @river-bottom-nightmare 

[illfoandillfie]

ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this. 

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia). 

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love) 

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances. 

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism. 

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening.  I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation? 

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao. 

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers. 

[popculturebuffet]

Battle of the Episodes: Celebrity Deathmatch: Rockstarmageddon Vs When Animals Attack

Hello all you happy people! And welcome to a minty fresh new segment on the blog cooked up by longtime fan and friend of the blog weirdkev27, named by me: BATTLE OF THE EPISODES! In this new segment I take two similar episodes from a show or franchise and put them up against one another and see which ones better. He pitched the idea to me for something he could do, he had two patreon reviews free so I suggested why not do it in April and here we are! 

Before I begin I will admit I’d forgotten PieGuyRulez had done a similar idea with his podcast ReCast, which I’d never seen and only vaugely heard of. However I feel what i’m doing here is still diffrent enough to keep doing, I have nothing but respect for the guy, and I promise to not do any topics he’s done. If you have any suggestions for this new segment, i’d love to hear them. I already have another one in mind for when I have a free moment on the schedule that I simply didn’t get around to next month.

But for our innugural contest, Kev being the one who pitched it picked the show and it’s a show i’m only passingly familiar with as I did see bits of it growing up: Celebrity Deathmatch. Celebrity Death Match was a late 90′s and early 2000′s tv show on MTV with a revivial on MTV2. It was born both out of a short done for MTV’s Cartoon Sushi, their equilvent of Oh Yeah Cartoons! and What a Cartoon, pitting Charles Manson against Marilon Manson, and that short was popular enough to lead to a special after the superbowl. Said special ended up being the highest rated progam MTV had broadcast at the time, so naturally it got a four season series.

The premise is exactly what it says: two celebrties battle it to the death in goofy claymation fights, one shall stand, one shall fall. Meanwhile our hosts Johnny and Nick banter and set up the fights, talk to interviewers etc. It’s essentially a combination of wrestling and celebrity mockery, and unsuprisingly given MTV’s teen audience who loved pop culture and a bit of the ultra violence it was a massive hit. 

The show later got a revivial a few years after it ended on MTV2, which fans often derided and which I saw more of as I was watching MTV2 at the time... look i’m not proud of the fact i watched “Where My Dogs at?” and i’m even less proud I watched “The Adventures of Chico and Guapo”. But with shows like that you can imagine how high quality the reboot was and how much fans flocked to it. Me I never took to either incarnation. I don’t HATE the show and do appricate it’s gorgeous claymation and copious use of Stone Cold Steve Austin. I love that beer drinking, hell raising, boss humliationg hellion, it’s just the combination of modern celebrity mockery, something that rarely ages well unless the joke is just funny on it’s own, and ultra violence never appealed to me as I was a pretty squeamish kid and teen.. i’ve grown out of that, but I just had no real desire to go back. It’s not a bad show but it’s not really one for me, but I get why i’ts well loved and popular. 

But being a death match fan, and given the similar premisses, Kev picked this to be our inagural contest. Pitting the original against the reivvial. For this he went with two death match time machine episodes: the original’s finale rockstarmageddon and the revivial’s when animals attack. Each episode has it’s own unique theme within the general theme of a dead person versus their successor... and a very much alive person one or both of the hosts thought was dead versus their succesor as a joke: the first is about rockstars and their supposed imitators, the second is about putting two animal themed people against one another.

Each Battle of the Episodes will have diffrent comparisons as every show or franchise is different, comics are also open for this by the by. So for this one i’ll be comparing time machine use, the person explaning the machine, individual episode theme, the joke about one of the “dead” combatants turning out ot be alive, and each of the three matches.  How many will also very, either 5 or 7 depending on how many talking points i have. So with that in mind LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE under the cut and see which episode walks away a champion and which episode walks away a bloody pile of clay on the floor. 

Doing the matches first as a lot of this stuff overlaps with the later bits. 

Round 1: Lenny Kravitz Vs Jimmy Hendrix VS Horatio Sanz Vs Chris Farley Whelp this was a bad start to BOTH episodes as these matches are the worst of each episode and all 6 matches period. So it’s less which is better as both are a black hole of comedy.. and more which one sucks slightly less. 

The Jimmy Hendrix vs Lenny Kravitz bout is just.. a black hole of comedy, It’s VERY clear the writers hated Kravitz but to me in 2020.. it just hasn’t aged well. I just don’t CARE about Lenny Kravitz. He had maybe one good song, are you gonna go my way, and that’s it. He was not good.. but he was an easy target for the time and an easily forgotten one now. It’s not smart, clever or even cathartic to watch him die. He’s also nowhere similar enough to Hendrix for the comparison to work: for one he had a vastly diffrent look most of the times and for another at most both played guitars and were not white. That’s it.  It just dosen’t work. 

The finisher here is just also... one of the objectively worst grossout bits i’ve seen in animation and i’m almost 30. That’s a LOTTTT of stupid gross gags that aren’t funny. The two vomit into each others mouths. Yes really. Not only is this really disprectful to hendrix death, as ODing on drugs is not something I really find funny nor the show makes funny, but it’s just.. horrifying to think about and gross and makes me want to , ironically enough, vomit thinking about. it’s just deeply unpleasant easily the worst thing i’ve encountered in my time reviewing so far, and it’s going to be a hard bar to clear. This match sucked and it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Now as for the Horatio Sanz vs Chris Farley Match...

I honestly have never seen Horatio Sanz that i’m aware of and unlike Kravitz who at least is mildly memorable if not a very good musician, Sanz has just been.. forgotten. I don’t know anything about him and once again it feels like the show punching down, picking an easy target versus a legend. 

And speaking of easy targets the entire segment is just fat jokes. Just a ton of fat jokes. No really, it’s a battle of “Hog vs hog”, chris eats a lot and hte main joke is Chris Farley can’t stay alive long enough to fight. That being said while I find the joke in VERY poor taste, as Farley died of a heart attack and was a really good person and having his death be a punch line just bothers me.... I’ll admit it’s at least clever to have one of the death match time machine contestants come back again, and again, and again. It’s not Funny, it’s horrific.. but I can at least say they put in some effort ofr that one gag and given the horrifying lack of effort for the other match this one BARELY gets the W Winner: When Animals Attack: 

Round 2: Shaggy vs Bob Marley VS Christan Bale vs Adam West

This one’s a no contest... seriously the gulf between jokes is wide and deep.

The Shaggy Vs Marley bout is the best of Rockstarmageddon. It’s funny, the target actually deserves being made fun of as Shaggy was a talent vacum and is memorably bad in comparison to Kravitz, so I still like seeing him get roasted, and they find a lot of funny jokes to do with Bob Marley. I only have a passing familiarity with the guy and while they do the obvious weed joke, they also have him ask for a tiny hammer or a small axe, beat shaggy with his dreads and after using a ring post to kill him, MAKING HIS REMAINS INTO A BONG (hilariously called a “legal novelty smoking device by the commentators). This match shows me why the show was popular: not every match was GOOD.. but the ones that were were creative and a joy to watch. While I sitll feel it’s mildly punching down, it’s funny enough I don’t care. 

Bale Vs West just sucks both by comparison and just in general; The IDEA of having the current Batman at the time and the 60′s one duke it out is great.. but it’s very clear they didn’t like Batman begins nor have any actual christian bale jokes. While this was pre terminator rant and the much more iconic dark knight, if they didn’t have any good jokes , why do this. They just have nothing and are insulting a legitimately good movie instead of making anything funny and making cracks about everyone thinking Adam West is dead. More on that in a bit, but it’s just really not funny and really wasted my time... though West turning him into a batsignal of the cross was clever i’ll admit. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon

Round 3: Dave Matthews vs Keith Richards VS Jamie Fox vs Ray Charles

Another mistmatch.. but this time in the opposite direction.

Dave Matthews Vs Keith Richards sucks. While there are some good gags up top, we’ll get to that in it’s own section, the match itself just isn’t funny and I really don’t get comparing the stones to dave matthews band. the two bands aren’t remotely similar. The most clever it gets is Dave injecting Richards with his blood, which mellows him out but also revitalizes Richards. There’s a few good jabs at richards but otherwise just nothing of susbtance and like Kravitz Dave Matthews Band has been largely forgotten and unlike Kravitz or Shaggy, just doesn’t seem like as valid a target.

Fox vs Charles on the other hand was a great misdirect, changing his opponent and “punking” fox, forcing him to go from someone he was ready to throw down with to someone he rejects. There are way too many mr mcgoo style I’M BLINDDDDD gags, but Fox is a much more deserving target, and they had far more clever gags, with charles pulling out a cat o n grammys, and using a piano to finish Jamie. It’s nothing GREAT... but at least it’s actually funny and actually picked a good target for the time, if not one that has aged well. 

Winner: When Animals Attack. 1 to 2

Round 4: Who Used the Time Machine Better?

Narrowly .. rockstarmageddon. While it had the same justification for it, the original taking on an upstart attempted replacement, the keith richards gag we’ll get to in a second is better than the farley gag for not being grossly insensitive and unfunny. But neither really use it well; Rockstarmageddon just uses it to mock artists they like and Animals uses it because the first one did. Neither really had a clever idea for it other than “get it this person sucks compared to that one. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon. 2 to 2

Episode Theme: 

Similar to the time machine, this one comes down to which one had the better indvidual theme... and i’d have to say it’s Rockstarmageddon. It used the theme POORLY, but at least it both had an interesting idea, dead rock stars vs their successors in modern day, versus an easy one (animal matchups) it abandoned for the final match and used REALLY fucking insultingly in the first match. Seriously I don’t mind a WELL done fat joke, as an overweight guy myself, but this was just...

In it’s purest form. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon 3 to 2

Special Guest:

Each episode had a guest for the time machine... and this one is again no real contest, Rockstarmageddon wins. 

For Rockstarmageddon the show brought back frequent guest star , wrestling legend Stone Cold Steve Austin, who I enjoy and was indeed part of my childhood and star of many video games and one of my brother’s all time favorite wrasslers. The show contrasts his blue collar hellion image with him having made the machine, getting quantum mechanics and unlike nick getting that Keith Richards is dead. Austin clearly gets the show, is fully on board playing along and has fun escorting Hendrix back to the machine and getting his revenge on Nick for doubting him that Keith Richards was alive. He just fits perfectly into the show. 

The revival.. could not get him, likely because he didn’t want to or saw the script and rightfully stone cold stunnered them, i.e. what he shoudl’ve done when Adam Sandler offered him Grown Ups 2. Seriously Adam why bring him in if he’s not going to do something wrestling related to you? This is why people don’t like your films. That and you keep giving your old buddy rob increasingly racist work. And david spade work. And nick swarsdon work. Please do keep giving Shaq work though he’s actually not half bad. 

So instead they bring in Einstein and the joke.. is that he swears a lot and drinks a lot and pulls his pants down at the end.> That.. that’s it. I mean the original , at least the episode given to me, didn’t make a GREAT impression, but at least it was creative. The Reboot came off as shockingly lazy and half assed, with lesser voice actors for our hosts and far less effort put in and this is the biggest emblem of that. Soooo

Winner; Rockstarmageddon 4 to 2

Final Round: Their Not Dead

The final round is a short one and while the winner is already decided, might as well. Both episodes do a joke about one of the guests NOT being dead.. but once again Rockstar is more clever about it. Nick is CERTAIN Keith Richards is dead, and forces Stone Cold to bring him to the present... only for Keith to show up, and there be two keiths. One fades away due to time travel stuffs, a REALLy damn good gag, and Nick’s dogged instance he’s not dead despite everyone knowing he isn’t is just damn funny. 

IN contrast all they have for the late great Adam West.. is insisting he’s dead. That’s it. that’s all they got. It’s not funny, it’s disprectful to Adam who while not an a list actor did a ton of stuff after batman. I mean the simpsons alone should shut them the fuck up...

This one short gag is a MUCH better one than that entire 7 minutes. It was also DEEPLY uncomfortable now Adam’s passed. So naturally

The Winner of this Segment and Overall; Rockstarmageddon. 

I wouldn’t say I LIKED either episode this go round, both had some pretty bad spots..but it’s very clear that while the original had it’s flaws, it was creative, had tons of energy, and a great voice cast. The revivial... has a good chris farley impersonator and that’s it. It’s very clear the people behind the reboot just don’t get the show and are doing the lazy bare minimum. While I didn’t LIKE most of the matches in Rockstarmageddon, I can at least respect the craftmanship: the animation, host jokes and energy is just BETTER. There’s a care and craft the revivial dosen’t have and the drop in quality is noticeable. 

So yeah overall the original wins.. but the episode chosen clearly wasn’t it’s best. That being said both had some good moments, and I would be open to watching more if any one wants to comission it. This experiment has been intresting so let me know in the comments if you want to see more of these and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. And please join my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. 

[fountainpenguin]

Could you tell us more about the Reedfilter AU? What makes it different? Any favorite parts or ideas in mind?

Reedfilter Rules AU is basically as opposite as I can be from my Riddleverse Classic headcanons without contradicting the actual FOP canon (and without overlapping my other AUs, such as my “King Me” AU).

I like to think of it as “the AU that might have been my canon if I hadn’t found Wolbachia pipientis.” Delving deeply into Wolbachia was the thing that forced me to make ALL my FOP worldbuilding deep to balance it. Reedfilter Rules AU is somewhat deep, but sticks very close to show canon. It’s more detailed than the show, but not chaotically deep.

In Riddleverse Classic, there’s a pretty even balance between animal DNA and human-like DNA. In the “Little Imperfections” universe, animal DNA is played up and human-like DNA is played down. In Reedfilter Rules, human-like DNA is played up and animal DNA is barely acknowledged (the Fae in RR are pretty much just small humans with wings). These Pixies don’t have Wolbachia, so H.P. is not the Pixie holotype. He and Sanderson are just friends.

The RR AU is named after the Head Pixie who preceded our H.P. (Rani Reedfilter) since most of the pieces I’ve written for it are told from her point of view. Pixies are a long-established species in this universe, and are considered the oldest and most advanced of the Fae races instead of the youngest.

Certain aspects of my worldbuilding (such as gyne and drone biology, the Refracts, and the honey-lock) don’t exist in the R-Rules verse. The Anti-Fairies don’t have their zodiac culture. Again, the Rules-verse sticks close to show canon and isn’t too complex; you get evil Antis and busy Pixies while Fairy World is just as fluffy and air-headed as ever, haha.

[More under the cut]

The inner workings of Pixie World are the most fleshed out part of RR AU. The Head Pixie position is even more powerful here than it is in my Classic works due to the sheer number of Pixies in existence (we’re talking a hundred companies united under a single boss- Head Pixie XXXVI, Rani Reedfilter).

It’s a blatant dictatorship where the Head Pixie’s rules always go, no questions asked. Marriages are arranged, jobs are assigned, and you can only reproduce with permission. Laughter is practically outlawed because the image of a crisp, intelligent pixie is so important to their brand. Extremely cold, strict place. This is the world Fergus grew up in before he took over from Reedfilter.

Classic!Fergus is blatant with his manipulation. He’s loud, proud, stubborn, and would NEVER stoop to the sucking up that RR!Fergus does. In RR, Fergus Whimsifinado - or Head Pixie XXXVII - rises through the ranks of Pixies Inc. by flirting with Rani Reedfilter in a universe where all pixie marriages are arranged and the Head is forbidden to have a spouse. R-Rules Fergus ain’t as averse to kisses as his Classic counterpart.... If seduction gets him what he wants, he won’t hesitate. And he didn’t.

Obviously, my ‘fic Origin of the Pixies isn’t canon in the R-Rules universe. Fergus was born and raised in Pixie society as one of many instead of being raised in Fairy World as an oddball with a wing mutation. Ambrosine was never matched with another woman after he had Fergus, so he never had Emery. Instead, I allowed this version of Fergus to follow through on his childhood dream of naming his daughter Emery.

And a daughter he indeed had, following his fling(s) with Reedfilter. Little Emery has Rani’s green eyes, so it’s pretty dang obvious that Rani is (was) her mother, but who’s going to protest? There ain’t no Pixie Council to balance power. Gossip all you want, but the Head Pixie’s word is law.

(Looks a lot like his father in this ‘verse, doesn’t he?)

Classic!Sanderson is H.P.’s sassy, egotistical, easily-made-jealous firstborn. However, in the Reedfilter AU, they aren’t related at all. RR!Sanderson - AKA Ennet - is extremely high-strung. He has low self-esteem, constantly thinks himself a failure, and on top of that he’s a HUGE gossip.

Classic!Sanderson is arguably smarter than the other pixies, but R!Rules Sandy is VERY trusting and naive. He’ll fall for anything twice over and believes everything H.P. says (H.P. messes with him because it’s funny). Sandy didn’t come into the picture until after Fergus became Head Pixie, but as their friendship deepens he becomes H.P.’s ears in the hallways.

Rani was nice enough to pair Sandy with a wife despite his half-pixie / half-wisp blood, as she believed him loyal to the company and wanted to show her trust in him. Sandy respects her immensely because of that, and even respected her enough to attempt pregnancy with his match when instructed to (something he bailed out of doing when Fergus matched him up with a different lady). He was horrified by Rani’s death..... and extremely suspicious of his new boss.

Despite his concerns about his new boss, Sanderson envisions himself as H.P.’s loyal sidekick, oblivious to the fact that H.P. would stab him in the back without remorse if the situation required him to. But H.P. genuinely likes RR!Sanderson, probably due to the fact that he and Sandy are the only pixie/wisp crossbreeds in the whole company. He still teases him, but I like to think this version of H.P. is better at asking Sanderson’s advice for problems and his consent to being teased. He’s more likely to stop messing around if he sees Sanderson upset than Classic H.P. is. Not as big a jerk as you could have been.

It’s honestly a beloved AU of mine because... it’s really interesting to play H.P. and Sanderson as literal friends instead of the distant parent/clingy child relationship they have in Riddleverse Classic. Reedfilter Rules has female pixies, arranged marriages, and boring businessmen unapologetically plotting evil... What more could you ask for?

Anti-Fairy World is also different in this AU. Anti-Schnozmo was raised to take over Anti-Fairy World from birth until Anti-Cosmo, ah... “took care of him.” AC is even brattier in this AU than he is in my Classic universe (a lot like Foop). Additionally, the High Countess position doesn’t mean anything... No political power for Anti-Wanda in this universe :(

I thought it would be interesting if Anti-Cosmo’s Deadly Sin was still Lust, but the only reason he’s married to Anti-Wanda in RR!AU is because his mother arranged them. He tolerates Anti-Wanda, he even likes her, but he doesn’t truly love her and doesn’t care if she knows it. He has illegitimate children in this verse (this is where Eury and Talon fit in) because the honey-lock isn’t a thing. Foop is his only legitimate child and therefore the legal heir to the throne (High Count is balanced by the Anti-Fairy Council and he can’t declare an illegitimate child his heir).

RR!Anti-Cosmo and H.P. are rival rulers who barely know each other. After taking over from Reedfilter, H.P. starts flirting with AC too in an attempt to snag Anti-Fairy World from under him, blind to the fact that Anti-Cosmo is toying with him and intends to betray him right back. Or, Anti-Cosmo flirts with him in an attempt to swipe Pixie World. Who knows. I’m not sure how far that relationship goes, just that I can see the two flirting in RR universe to mirror the fact they fight all the time in Classic.

(....... Maybe they still fight)

I created Reedfilter Rules AU back in 2016, and I still write drabbles for it because I find the concept endearing despite its cliches. I love writing in this ‘verse because I love pixies, but I haven’t posted the main ‘fic due to the, uhhhhh... //Gestures at story that revolves around a creepy guy sleeping his way up the corporate ladder, probably seducing his rival on the side idk, is this really what you want to read??

Anyway, I adore Reedfilter Rules AU and think about it a lot, so if you guys want to see more, let me know. “Only an Idea” (#83 of the 130 Prompts) takes place in the R-Rules universe and tells how H.P. and Sanderson first met.

[hes-writer]

One Of My Own (5)

Summary: Harry leaves Y/N for her sister

Warnings: angst and fluff

Word Count: 1930 words

And maybe it was stupid of Harry to impulsively visit Y/N at the slither of dusk, and even stupider when he put his key–that he never gave back to her–in the keyhole because she wasn’t answering the door. His mind was fuzzy and he wasn’t thinking clearly; maybe his knocks were too light against the wood of the door. He thought Y/N was ignoring him because he can clearly see a crack of light from underneath in front of his feet. It was the stupidest thing to enter her apartment, ready to softly call out her name. He can smell the food she’d always especially make for him—it wasn’t just his mouth-watering, but his eyes as well because the root of the intoxicating scent was centered on the stove. He couldn’t see the appliance because of two bodies blocking the way.

He really wished that he’d just waited behind the closed door and not witness the sight in front of him.

It was a heartbreaking sight, really. There was no denying that what Harry saw cracked and broke his heart completely. His faint state was now alert and his eyes had never been wider. The beating of his heart increased to a worrying pace, but he couldn’t stray his eyes away from the shocked faces masking the two people he cared about.

“Harry,” Niall breathed out, slightly out of breath from kissing Y/N. Niall’s blue eyes shifted from his friend to the woman in front of him, her own gaze cast on the floor beneath her feet.

“W-what’s going on here?” Harry asked, hearing his voice cracking at the edges. He swallowed harshly, hoping that some of his salivae would hydrate his severely dry throat.

Y/N stepped forward, placing her hands on her hips while she conjured up something to say to her ex-boyfriend. Harry watched her like a hawk. “What are you doing here, Harry? How did you even get in?”

The questions surprised Harry, and frankly; he was the one who let himself in her apartment. He had no probable reason to be in the same room as her, except for the fact that he had a key that opened her door.

He held up the silver key before placing it on the counter, sliding it towards her. Harry buried his hands in his head of hair, slightly tugging on the roots while he breathed heavily to calm himself. His heart was aching and his brain was going in circles; that wasn’t a very good combination because sooner or later, he would most likely be belting out his thoughts out loud.

The image in his head--their lips tucked against each other-- resonated in his mind; mocking him to an extent that rubbed him the wrong way. He knew he had no right to criticize their actions; they were all adults here, but somehow, Harry couldn’t stop himself from echoing that he had Y/N first.

“Is this why you had to leave today, Niall?” Harry spoke in a menacing tone, his voice dripping in a poisonous hatred that lingered, making the air tense. He could see Y/N’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and he mentally patted himself on the back. She glanced at the blonde boy; he didn't tell her this.

“So what if it was?” Niall challenged, standing up a little straighter to match up with Harry’s slight advantage in height.  He brushed Y/N’s shoulder a little while he took steps forward to come closer to Harry.

Y/N was on the brink of panic. Although her appetite had been lost, she really had no energy to stop two grown men from brawling on her kitchen floor. Plus, seeing Harry had awoken some sort of vacuum in her; she didn't know if she still had feelings for him or if his presence was just something that bugged her. It was all overlapping inside her and she was definitely confused.

“Ni, stop,” She stretched her arm out to touch his chest, preventing him from moving any further. Y/N was glad when he looked down at her and nodded at her request. “It’s not worth it.”

“Ni? Didn’t know you guys were that close,” Harry scoffed, rolling his eyes to the side. It was no question that Harry was battling with a defense mechanism to care for the dull pain throbbing in his chest. It helped him feel a little less hurt.

Y/N whipped her head at him, her hair slicing through the air with how fast she turned. “You should leave.”

“Why? So you could go back to fucking each other?” Harry retorted, bitterness drowning the words he’d released.

“We weren’t fucking, H” Niall’s accent rung through but he was interrupted, “Shut the fuck up, Horan. I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend,” Niall said, confused at his accusations. Harry chuckled sarcastically, raising his brows suggestively.

“Friends don't kiss each others’ girlfriend,” Y/N coughed from the side. Harry stared at her with a shift in his eyes. “Ex-girlfriend,”

Niall was rendered speechless. There was some truth in his words and he couldn’t help but feel an ounce of guilt bubbling inside of him. He pursed his lips, in the thought of how fucked up everything really was.

“You’re one to talk, aren’t you?” Y/N spat, squinting her eyes into slits while she watched his facial expression go from one of being snide to realization and finally, guilt. “Weren’t you the one that kissed my sister? Left me for my own family?”

“I-i” He stuttered. There was no excuse for what he did. As much as he was itching to talk to her about what happened between, being put on the spot right now made him realize how fricking unprepared he was from the questions she would throw at him.

“You what? Got anything else to say,” She gestured to the exit of her place, “cause you can always just leave, oh wait,”

“See, this is exactly why I left you,”

Both Niall and Y/N held their breaths. Did he really just say that to her?

“Leave.”

Harry smirked at her, “Oh come on Y/N. I was only kidding,” And right now, he couldn’t even answer why he was such a taunting asshole at this moment. He wanted to wipe that stupidly, arrogant curve off of his face but he couldn’t do it no matter how much he forced himself to.

“I’m sure it was funny, wasn’t it?” She questioned with a fresh intensity within her. “Bet you laughed about it with Dani, right? Poor, stupid Y/N was a fool once again,”

Harry’s hardened features dwindled slowly from the somber tone of her voice, and he felt a smidge of empathy for her-- much more than what he felt prior. Niall, too, had gaped at her with his mouth partially open. She had never opened up to him fully, he understood-- but seeing her right now at her most vulnerable time; it only made him want to hold her in his arms and protect her from anything that was out to hurt her fragile heart.

“Y/N, that’s not what I meant--,” Harry waved his hands in a cross to emphasize his words.

“Then what did you mean? Did you even mean it when you said you loved me? I want to believe that you did, but you’re making it harder for me to have faith in you,”

“I did love you, Y/N! I do love you,” He gasped out, “I didn’t know why I did that and I swear to you I blame myself every day and night because of what happened to us,”

Y/N agreed with him; he should blame himself for their destroyed relationship. “I mean, who’s fault did you think it was?” She scoffed.

Harry flattened his lips in order to stop himself from saying something rude. “I get it, okay? It’s my fault, you don’t need to rub it in my face,”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?”

Y/N ranted--to both Niall and Harry-- about how she felt. Every word that she spoke held a determined aura to them that shook all of them to the very core. Her emotions were raw and most importantly-- they were valid. She was hurt--she still is-- because of Harry and she felt that he needed to see her broken and shattered because of his actions before she pulled herself out of the abyss and thrive without him.

“You left me for my own goddamn sister and you come in here acting as if you didn't! You have absolutely no right in telling Niall and I what we should or shouldn’t be doing because you’re not my boyfriend anymore,” She lowered her voice, “You’re not mine anymore and I’m not yours, so, please. Do us both a favor and leave,”

“Y/N, i--”

“No! I’m not gonna stand here and listen to you give me a bullshit apology when I could be doing other things,” And in a moment of grandeur, she gestured to Niall immobilized beside her, “You’re such a shitty person right now. I really did love you, Harry,”

“W-we could give it another shot,” Harry uttered, voice as deep as the Mariana’s.

“I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall,”

“But Y/N, we were good together weren’t we?”

“Us? We may have a past but we have no future together. You didn’t want me when we were together, what makes you think I’ll come back to you again?” She was deeply enthralled with his ability to stand by his words, whether they were lies or not--she didn’t know, but she applauded him nonetheless.

“I’ll beg on my knees if that’s what it takes. I will give you everything that you want, Y/N. Please,” He clasped his large hands in a silent plead.

Before, she would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat. Now, she couldn’t help but feel bile rise up her throat, a foul taste lingering on her tongue because Harry had become so desperate to not become lonely that he had thrown away all pride and ego just for a glimpse of love again.

“You’re pathetic, Harry.” She concluded, looking down on him as if he was the most unwanted person ever. And to her, he is someone that she wanted out of her life completely.

“You don't mean that,” Harry croaked, his voice actually cracking with pain, “You’re hurting me, Y/N.” Tears welled up in his green orbs and fell down his pink cheeks from the heat of his body.

“You hurt me too, Harry.” Y/N pointed out to which he nodded sadly, “Guess we’re even, huh?”

His gaze lingered on her face while he muttered a silent goodbye, walking backward and trusting his legs not to make him trip and embarrass him. He kept his focus on her, memorizing every detail on her face; what he would give to comb his fingers through her hair. He scoured her apartment, and with each corner, he visualized the memories they spent together. The flour fights in the kitchen while baking, the sweet spoon-feeding to taste Y/N’s new recipe-- he saw it all in a brief flash of a few seconds. Everything was in slow motion to Harry.

Flickering back his attention to her, arms crossed with a satisfied raise of her brows, he feared that it would be the definite last time that he would see her beautiful face. There was no way that she would let him come close to her, especially not now when he acted like such a jerk and an asshole when she was being true to her feelings.

“I guess we are.”

The door opened and softly shut. It was quiet.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Y/N shyly admitted, rubbing her hands on the side of her arms. Niall smiled at her gently and told her that it was okay.

He leaned in for a hug and she gladly accepted his warm embrace, “I’m so proud of you. Makes me wanna protect you more,” Y/N closed her eyes at the thump of his heartbeat, humming against his chest.

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” Y/N looked up at his face and maybe it was the lighting, but the light surrounding his head crowned him with a glowing halo. Y/N decided that despite the long way she had to get back on her feet again, she would be just fine. Especially with an angel standing by her side through it all.

-----

okuuur.

let me know what you thought!

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[pisati]

I already posted on main about it and I’ve got nowhere else to really vent. I know my co-receptionist is active on twitter and I don’t know if she’s ever tried to look for me (probably not), but I don’t want to risk complaining where she could possibly see.

it’s just been a long, shitty week. and it’s only tuesday. we had two euthanasias yesterday and two today. usually we get one TOPS in a week. most weeks we don’t have any. 

I don’t know how many weeks we’ve been doing this now, but it’s definitely been over a month. I’ve worked with the lead receptionist a bunch since I started. she’s nice, but she’s very much got her own personality. she’s from new jersey, and that’s the explanation for a lot of her attitude, she says. I respect her and how well she knows herself and her boundaries. but I really feel like she could be a little nicer. I get that she’s worked in healthcare for a long time and she’s seen some shit but she acts like she knows everything and sometimes it’s just really insensitive.

I don’t think she means to sound rude, but there have been times when I’ve been talking about something and she’s only half-listening, usually because she’s working on something, and she’ll finish what she was doing and go “now what are you babbling about?” she did it to one of the techs the other day too. I know she just means to ask “what were you saying?” but it really makes me feel like whatever I’m saying is just nonsense to her, like I’m running at the mouth and whatever it is isn’t important. 

we listen to what she wants to listen to. for 12 straight hours, 3 days a week, every week. according to her my music taste is respectable, but “a lot of sad-sackery”, so we listen to her music. we have limited overlap, but I don’t say anything. not because I don’t want to start an argument, I’m pretty much cool with whatever. but I’ve noticed that when we listen to what she likes, it’s often just a small handful of things she likes. I KNOW DMX has way more songs than just the same few. same with nicki minaj and beyonce. we’ve listened to some rage against the machine, which I can appreciate, but there are definitely way more songs than just killing in the name, bombtrack, take the power back, and know your enemy. I’ve listened to musical soundtracks. we did les mis and chicago and maybe a few others last week. I’ve sat there and watched videos I didn’t care to watch, because she’s really enthused about black opera singers and bruce springsteen and whomever the fuck else, because I like to think I’m a nice person and when someone is excited about something and wants to share it I let them be fucking excited about it, even if I don’t give half a flying fuck about it. today was a disney day, apparently, so I listened to soundtracks for mary poppins, the little mermaid, and beauty and the beast. sound of music too. whatever other eclectic songs tickle her fancy on any given day. but I’ve noticed it seems to just be the things she likes. I’ve come to work on disney days before but I don’t recall hearing soundtracks to more than just a few movies. I tried to get her to listen to a little hozier once or twice; since she’s a singer we often end up talking about vocal talent. and I was trying to show her what a great vocalist he is. she listened to maybe a few seconds of a song or two and, nah, not her taste. she gets why someone like me would like his voice, though. today she was laughing about something one of the techs had said; we have a whiteboard in the back hallway and every week or so someone (her, maybe?) puts up a prompt and people can write their responses. ya know, team bonding, sorta. this week she’d put up “what two famous people would you like to have dinner with?” and one of the techs had written “leo dicaprio and billie eilish”. and she was laughing about it. she’s not a fan of billie’s popular stuff. I told her about how I didn’t think I’d much like billie at first, but I listened to her whole album and I was surprised, I thought she had a really nice voice. just.. nope. I asked if I could play one song. just one. nope, nope, nope. she’d listened to half a second of each song on her album and decided she didn’t like any of them. I didn’t press.

yesterday she really just... ugh. the head vet had come up to the front desk to tell us that a really sweet client offered to buy us lunch, and did we have any ideas on what we’d like? they were thinking panera. I wasn’t sure if there was anything there I’d eat, but I’d take a look at the menu. my coworker had piped up with “she’s like super picky” and then ensued the “so what do you eat?” conversation. I didn’t really have much to say, since I’m tired of that fucking question and I don’t have such a small palate that I can just list off everything. she interrupted with “mac and cheese, I know that.” I forget what else she said, but I tried to explain that it was a sensory issue and there’s actually a disorder that involves a sensory rejection of food that lasts well into adulthood, and she was just sitting there next to me trying to hold back laughs. I asked her what was funny, she goes “it just sounds like picky eating, like it sounds so ridiculous”. 

yeah, because I love being 25 and not being able to go to more than a tiny handful of restaurants with friends because those few places have one thing on the menu I’ll eat. I fucking love being too deeply embarrassed to special-order anything plain that I’d rather not eat at all. I love the “so what DO you eat” question, I love being laughed at and made fun of, I love feeling like a child who could never “grow out of it”. I really fucking love it, that’s why I continue to do this to myself. fuck’s sake.

this is the person who takes euthanasias so seriously that she’ll fuck anyone’s day up if they interrupt her while she’s getting paperwork together or if they’re being loud while the owner is in the room. she told me about her home health care work and how she dealt with a lot of people who were in hospice and she was real sympathetic to just about anything, because they were dying. I know I’m not dying, this doesn’t involve death, but the complete lack of empathy towards me just... really hurts. here I am trying to explain myself the way I always feel the need to, because I apparently have to have a fucking reason why I’m so picky, and she won’t hear any of it. she was fucking laughing at me. 

I don’t feel disliked at my job, but I’m getting that feeling like I did in high school and college. like I’m both a part of something and not. I know I’m weird and a little awkward, but... she talks to people on the other team and they leave memes for each other. there’s a new girl on the other team who only started a month or two ago, but my co-receptionist is leaving memes for her specifically; the new girl even called today and she picked up, and they were having a riot of a conversation from what I could hear; a lot of genuine laughter, and I could hear the way she was talking, it sounded just so natural. a lot of the time with me she doesn’t quite sound like that. she’s got a pretty dirty sense of humor, and she was leaving some pretty gross memes for the new girl, meanwhile there was a video she’d shown the new doctor and the head vet that she didn’t want to show me because she “wasn’t sure if we were there yet”. she’d already described it to me, and she finally showed it to me today; it was just some nerdy guy singing about pussy in an 80s R&B voice. nothing I couldn’t have found somewhere on the internet myself. hell, it’s probably already floating around tumblr somewhere. idk, I don’t feel disliked but I am starting to feel left out. like, even the new people are more integrated than I am, and I’ve been there 8 months. I don’t know why this happens to me literally everywhere I go. every job, every school (except IUP somehow??), fucking everything. I just never feel like a true part of anything and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m not unfriendly. I don’t think I’m unapproachable. maybe I really just am that boring.

I’m just really tired of this. when she was out sick that one day last week, and I had to handle 13 straight hours of reception basically by myself, with some help from the office manager, I actually felt less tired than when she was there. I feel like I have to put on a face for her, like I have to pretend to be interested in whatever she’s going on about all day. I can’t say anything to her because she’s the lead receptionist, but it’s been getting on my nerves lately that I try to actually do work and she’s sitting there looking at memes, telling me she has to find this particular one of jason momoa so she can print it out have it at her desk because he’s just so attractive

I didn’t get a break yesterday, because our doctors were lagging so far behind and I had to keep the phones on. she left to go do something, and I was left to answer phones by myself. I almost didn’t get a break today either; there were still one or two clients left by 1pm and I couldn’t turn the phones over to the break message, and she had a thing to do with her car so she’d be back. I forget how I ended up mentioning that I didn’t get a break yesterday either and she was like “well that’s me the other times the doctors are behind. it’s your turn”. and while that is fair... one of the techs came up to talk to her after she’d left. she looked at me and was like, “where’s trish?” and I was like “... on break”. and she looked at me and I looked at her and she was like “...she’s been taking more breaks than any of us”. and I was like “yyyyep.” she goes out a few times during the day to have a cigarette too. usually when it’s quiet, but of course in the space of 10 minutes there’s a lot that can happen. often it does. thankfully today we had those last few clients out by 1:30 so I did get to clock out, and she let me stay off the clock until 2:30. but if the doctors were as behind today as they were yesterday, I’d have had no break today either.

we pretty much only ever talk about what she wants to talk about. she’s constantly interrupting me or talking over me, so I just let her talk. I’ve heard more about her wild sex life back in her 20s than I’d ever care to know. today she told a story three times (once to me, once to the head vet, and once to one of the techs) about how she can accurately guess a man’s dick size by the way he walks, and how she did this to some guy she dated in her early 20s and he was surprised by it. I don’t want to make things tense or awkward by saying I don’t want to talk about these things and I’d personally rather listen to music that keeps me calm and just quietly scan, fax, label, and attach things in between the periodic phone calls, but I can hardly get a word in edgewise anyway, so it’s mostly just me listening. she’s let me know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t like rats and doesn’t think they’re cute; doesn’t want to see pictures of them, just.. nothing. I personally think that you can’t claim to love animals if you only love the ones you think are cute. but I don’t even know if she does. I couldn’t tell you why she’s working at a vet clinic. 

it’s fucking exhausting. it’d be exhausting with alexa too, I know that for a fact. I’m getting better at my job but I still need a supervising receptionist, so either way I’d have to deal with one of the two. I’m just glad it’s only 3 days a week, but even my 4 day weekends are flying by. the days are all blending together and I’m having a hard time getting my brain to work. none of this is easy. but it definitely doesn’t help to have to work with someone who’s so rigid about everything they do; like, I spend all fucking day listening to what you have to say and listening to every single song you want to listen to and watching every stupid video you think is funny (though some of them are; other times it’s like.. something reminded her of a veggie tales episode so now we have to watch it), and I can’t even play one song I like because you’ve listened to a split second of it and automatically think you don’t like it? the fuck, dude.

just.. the way she acts like she knows everything about the way people act, and how little tolerance she has for bullshit. I appreciate that second bit, but there’s other times when she really just has no sympathy and I feel like everything would be easier if she did. yesterday our one doctor was lagging really far behind and she was getting so annoyed because he had all this time for his appointments and people were having to wait and he never caught up all day; one of the clients ended up being one who was VERY particular about estimates and payments and shit and apparently he’d fucked something up after she had told him and the tech well ahead of time to be very careful with her. and she’d about had enough of him after that. by the end of the day he looked like he was either about to cry or had been crying. and he apologized to her for fucking up; I forget exactly what he said and she accepted his apology, but it almost seemed superficial. she had had it. the second she was done with her shit for the night she left. I stayed a few extra minutes to do something, but... like, even I could tell there was more to the story there. you don’t just lag all day for no reason, and especially not when you have to start the day on a euthanasia that wasn’t expected. I get that when you’ve worked with people for so many years you end up with a low tolerance for bullshit, but come on. I’ve been dealing with shitty people my whole life but I at least understand what it’s like to have a bad day. this particular doctor, a lottttt of the staff has a problem with, for many reasons. he’s only ever been nice to me, and I don’t know a lot of what goes on that annoys reception and the techs so much (often it’s some of his medical decisions, which... I wouldn’t know anything about that. how am I supposed to know what his rationale was for prescribing meloxidyl for a rhodesian ridgeback? the owner asked me for a refill and I requested it). so I guess some people’s patience runs low with him. but even so, I don’t think I could ever lack empathy that much. no matter how long I do this shit. I was tempted to ask him if he was okay, but I figured he had a lot on his plate to get to. he was there til like 10 last night, and his worklist was really long today too. I could tell he’s been on edge since last week. it’s not my business to know why, and I don’t have to. just be fucking nice to people, lmao

for someone who’s so picky about her music taste, she’s got no fucking right to talk about my eating. she won’t even venture outside the things she likes. she decides once that she doesn’t like something and that’s the end of it. so why is it suddenly a problem when I don’t want to try a variety of foods?

I’m just. really frustrated. I don’t want to have to vent about my coworkers but I’m not going to get through this easily. we don’t even know how long we’re going to have to do this. I found out today alexa’s husband is now in the hospital; they’re treating it like COVID and/or really bad pneumonia, but what the fuck does that mean for her team? for mine? did she bring germs to the clinic? is she going to have to quarantine along with her team? is my team going to have to run shit? I have no idea, and I only found out about this through facebook. I haven’t heard anything else from anyone. we do sanitize between teams so there’s a low risk of cross-contamination, but... we don’t get everything. there’s no way to.

I need to go to bed soon. I’m so glad tomorrow’s my friday. I’m ready for this week to be over.

[calum-and-the-bass]

The Four-Leaf Clover

A/N: Hi guys! It’s me again. So this short story popped up in my mind. I hope you guys enjoy reading it! And I apologize in advance for any grammatical error. English isn’t my first language.

Your feedback is appreciated, like seriously!

PS I hope you guys liked Where The Lines Overlap. x

Word count: 1,684

Rating: General but is a bit sad and gloomy

Summary: You’re the typical shy girl, considered as invisible. With an unknown reason, Calum is drawn to you. Simply put, he noticed you when everybody ignored you. But to his surprise, there’s a reason why.

Chapter One: HOPE

There are times that Calum just doesn’t understand things, one of them is you. For him, you are the complete opposite of what he looks for in a girl. But here he is, utterly in love with you. Drawn to you like a moth drawn to fire.

Calum dubbed you as the ice princess for a reason. You barely smile. You seldom talk with anyone. You’re contented with being on your own little world.

He has a thing for girls who are animated. Who exudes warmth and friendliness. Something that is anything but you.

You’ve put up a lot of barriers. You wear mask after mask of emotions to cover up the real you.

 But why? Something that Calum wonders a lot. Surely, no one could be that icy. He thought that maybe you are acting that way because you’re a new student.

“Hi, y/n!” He smiled.

“Hello.” You timidly replied.

He was about to start a conversation with you but you left the room, leaving Calum all alone.

 Another failed attempt.

Later that afternoon, he decided to write a song on the rooftop of the school. To his surprise, he saw you there. Sitting on the floor, with a pen and paper. You looked up, stopped writing, and gave him a shy smile.

He approached you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think someone’s here… I.. uh.. I can leave if -”

“No, it’s alright.” You smiled. “I was just finishing something up.”

“If you wouldn’t mind me asking, what are you finishing up?” He asked, sitting opposite you, considering your personal space.

“Oh.. uh… a story.”

“Really? I didn’t know you write!” He smiled. “I wanted to write a song today so uh I went here.” He paused. “Where do you publish your story?”

“I just keep it here.”

“May I read some parts?” Hoping he wasn’t being a pushover.

“Sorry. But uh, I’m not yet comfortable sharing my story.”

“Understandable.”

He continued talking about his songs that he composed recently (singing some parts to you) to make you a little less on your guard. He really wanted to break your barriers. And for him, it was working. He threw in a few funny jokes and puns which made you laugh. He shared his love for music with you. And even though you didn’t talk much, he felt that you were really listening.

“I don’t know I really like playing the bass more though-”

Your phone buzzed. “I’m sorry… I need to go home now.” You stood up. “See you.”

See you. Two words that made Calum hope that something good will happen between the two of you.

Chapter Two: FAITH

Calum developed a habit of going to the rooftop, hoping he might see you there. Each day, he grew expectant, but is crushed by the fact that you weren’t there.

This day, he was losing hope. Should I still go there, he thought. Was he going crazy? How can a girl like you affect him so much? He wondered.

He found himself going up the rooftop even though he knows that you will not be there. ‘See you’ was a lie, he said to himself.

He reached for the doorknob, thinking to himself that he is, indeed, going crazy.

I am going crazy, he thought. You were sitting on the floor, writing. You looked up and smiled at him. Now he’s imagining you being there.

“Hi, Calum.” You greeted him.

“H-hi.” He felt relieved. He approached you and sat on the opposite side, minding your personal space. “Haven’t seen you here in a while.” He broke the ice. “If it doesn’t bother you answering, what’s the story about?”

“It’s about a girl who can’t seem to find her place in this world.”

“Wow, that’s pretty deep.” And cliché, he wanted to add but considered not to because he might offend you. And besides you two aren’t that close enough. He might drive you away. 

“I just can’t write this chapter properly.”

His heart fluttered, you are now sharing something with him. A secret you and Calum share, he thought. “Why?”

“I don’t know… I just.. I can’t see the purpose of my story anymore.”

His heart broke a little. “Don’t feel that way… how about adding a new character? Someone who’s there to support your main character? A new friend or something like that?”

“I guess… but I don’t know what kind of character should it be..”

“Do you.. do you want any help?”

“Oh.. uh, I appreciate your offer but I need to finish this on my own…”

“No worries! But you gotta promise that I’ll be the one of the few people to read the whole book, okay?”

You laughed. “Okay. I promise.”

“I really have faith in you. I’m rooting for you. I know you can finish your story.” Calum smiled. “And I’ll be your number one fan when you become a famous author!”

Faith. A word that you haven’t heard in a while. You felt refreshed. What Calum said gave you new ideas for your story.

Chapter Three: LOVE

He seldom sees you in the classroom anymore. Your elusiveness there did not bother him a lot, though. Everything was fine for him because he always catches you on the rooftop, writing your story.

“Hey!” He greeted you, sitting opposite you, minding your personal space. “You’ve been inspired now, huh?”

You nodded. “I think I found the answer.” You looked at him and smiled. “Thank you.”

He became proud. Thanks to him, you found inspiration. This is a start of something new, he thought. “Aww, shucks, it’s all you, y/n. I know you’re a great writer.”

You smiled. “Thank you so much.”

To Calum, seeing you smile and doing the thing that you love makes him so proud. To Calum, you’re already a winner. To him, you’re someone successful. And even though he could not tell you his feelings because it might be to soon for all that, he makes sure that he’s always there for you.

You could feel his love. You could tell how sincere he is whenever he says he believes in you. You’ve never felt anything like this. You’ve never expected that someone will notice you. And yet, here is Calum, proving you wrong.

Thanks to him, everything became clear.

“You know, before I met you, everything seemed useless. I felt hopeless. But thank you for loving me.”

His eyes widened. He did not know how to answer. “…. you knew?”

“Of course! I’m not as numb as you think I am.” You giggled.

And since that day, Calum looked forward going to the rooftop.

Chapter Four: LUCK

As soon as happiness filled Calum’s every day life, sadness came in. After that incident, you rarely visit the rooftop. He does not even see you in the classroom either. It’s as if you vanished.

How could he not even see you? Were you avoiding him on purpose?

Calum’s luck ran out.

“Hey, John, have you seen y/n?” He asked his seat mate before leaving.

“Who?”

“You know, y/n. Shy girl. Ice princess. Sits at the back.”

“We don’t have any classmate named y/n.” John looked confused. “I’m sure of it.”

“Huh? But…”

“Cal, I have a list of students in this class and there’s no y/n y/l/n.” John was the treasurer of the class so he’s certain about it. “Maybe she’s… well.. maybe that’s why…”

“Can you just tell me?” Calum said impatiently.

“Well, I sometimes see you looking at the back but there’s no one sitting there. And then there’s this one time I saw you talking just by yourself… but I assumed you were practicing for an audition of a play or something so I shrugged that off..”

“What? Are you sure??” Calum’s head was aching. If you weren’t real… if they can’t see you… “John, is there.. is there a ghost story you know about….”

Suddenly, it hit Calum. That is why his classmates were ignoring you. That is why no one’s talking to you. That is why you seemed invisible…

Because you are.

But why can he see you? Why him?

“Well, I heard that there was a girl who died on the rooftop a few years ago. They said that the girl loves writing some of her stories there.. but the girl had a heart attack while writing.. runs in her family…the janitor saw her lying on the floor with a pen and notebook beside her.”

Goosebumps. That was what Calum felt. “But you can’t remember her name?”

“Come to think of it, y/n is her name.”

“You’re not messing with me, right?”

“Of course not! Why would I make this up?” John looked at his phone. “Well, I better get going… I don’t wanna be late for my part-time job. See you.”

He remembered you with those last words John said. See you. Two words that made Calum question everything. He will never see you again.

He slowly walked up the stairs. Not knowing how to react if he sees you sitting on the floor at the rooftop.

He breathed deeply before opening the door. Chirping birds and the warmth of the sun welcomed him. He looked around, still no trace of you.

He felt defeated.

“When you said you didn’t see the purpose of your story anymore… you didn’t mean the story you’re writing, huh?” He said, talking to no one. “I still wish I could read the story that you were working on.”

He sighed and sat on the floor. “I’m still thankful I met you, though. I hope you’re doing fine wherever you are.” He smiled. “Look out for me, will you? I’ll miss talking to you.”

As he stood up, he noticed something growing out on the floor. He observed it. And to his great surprise, it was a four-leaf clover. He picked it and glanced around. “Seriously?” He giggled. “Thank you.”

They say that a four-leaf clover brings luck to anyone who finds it. And each leaf represents hope, faith, love and luck. For Calum, you are his four-leaf clover.

[nimblermortal]

I don’t know that there is a point to this

I’ve been in STEM since I left high school. In college, most of the time, my classes were about 1/3 women, which isn’t really too bad - it’s the sort of ratio where you go, “Yeah, sure, sexism is probably a thing, but I don’t see it.”

(In Germany the ratio was more like 1/12, which is much more obvious, but I had other things to worry about, like learning quantum in a second language, or the dude in my German class who suggested women just aren’t interested in science, so maybe we shouldn’t force them. At the time and off the top of my head, the only answer I had for him was, “I am a woman, and I love science, I love it more than anything, and it is beautiful and kind, and I cannot imagine that I am the only one.”)

Nevertheless, you tended to have girls’ study groups and boys’ study groups, and the two didn’t really overlap. Maybe we just liked people like us. People also self-sorted by socioeconomic class. It helped to be around people who learned similarly - and differently - and were smart and funny and understood things like the overlap between “I’m scared of speaking up in class and being wrong” and “I don’t want to be the all-girls group that did their project on makeup.”

In grad school, in engineering, it’s harder to pick out the ratio. Less than 1/3, more than 1/12. There were enough boys that it was hard not to hang out with mostly guys. Most of the time nobody studied together; when we did, it didn’t sort by sex. The only sexism I saw was when a professor realized that everyone in his office hours was female and gave a little speech about how he believed women could do as well as or better than men in his class, when all we really wanted to know was which way a positive mask worked. Or that when a professor takes on only women as his incoming grad students, people notice and crack jokes about the girls’ team. Or the boys blithely assuming that sexism ended with the Civil Rights Movement. But there was nothing wrong with any of that, really; it never bugged me.

Now I’m an engineer, on a team that’s growing precipitously, and there’s not actually many fewer women than men in the room in a given meeting, but it’s still... a breath of relief to work with them. In a way that deeply frustrates me, because I do not want to care, I do not want to think it matters. But of the nine people who have been hired recently, I am the only woman; we don’t have office space yet, so I sit in a room with five men every day, and I thought this last group of new hires would have a woman in it and was so excited only for it to be yet another man from a culture where a name ending in A does not mean woman.

(And it includes a man with an interesting professional background that I would talk to him more about, except that he has referred to women as females twice, and first, sir, as a former English major you should be aware that ‘female’ is an adjective, and second, as a human being, you should be able to guess that another human being would object to being referred to as if she were a non-sentient member of a different species. But I digress.)

There’s both many of us and not a lot, and either way it’s not enough. I don’t really have a point; maybe I’m just checking in on the Women in STEM front. But I wish there were enough that it were something I did not have to think about, regularly. And if you’re a woman in STEM, in college - keep going. If you can do it, if you want to, I’d like to see you. I’d like to see you often enough I don’t have to notice when you walk by.

[backseatstorytime]

1/29/2016, 1:14pm – country.

Names, dates, times, and specific details have been modified to protect my riders’ privacy. If you have reason to believe that your story is being told and you’d prefer it not to be shared, please message me and I’ll be more than happy to take it down.

For those who don't know me personally, I'm really big on music. I play a few different instruments, I write music, I've jumped from genre to genre over the years, and I've come to really appreciate all kinds of music. Any time someone gives me something to listen to, I listen to it the whole way through. I'm always open to learning about new music, learning to play new music, and just expanding my repertoire. Music was my first love, and nothing has changed.

I don't really have a particular go-to driving playlist. Often times, I just play what I feel. Sometimes I'll have a Queen playlist going; other times, I'll have showtunes. While I'm on the clock, I avoid anything particularly harsh or offensive, so I avoid music with shrill screaming or songs about "bitches and weed," so to speak. That means normally, I don't have a lot of rap or hardcore metal. I tend to learn towards the chill side of music, learning towards mellow beats, acoustic sounds, things that are more relaxing than anything else. That also means that normally I opt not to throw on something like Animals as Leaders.

Lately, you'll find me listening to two different playlists: my showtunes playlist or my Chance the Rapper playlist. A close friend of mine had recently shown me a song from the new Broadway musical Dear Evan Hansen called "Waiting Through a Window". I was in love from the get-go, and I built a playlist around that sort of uplifting, pop-driven musical theatre style. On the other hand, I've also been on an on-and-off Chance the Rapper binge. I think it's safe to say that he was my favorite artist of 2016, and I still haven't fallen off the wagon. I keep finding myself coming back to his album Coloring Book or his work on Donnie Trumpet Nico Segal and the Social Experiment's project Surf. On top of that, I also picked up Telefone, the album by Noname Gypsy, who's been featured on a few of Chance's songs. It's got similar vibes and it falls in the mellow side of hip hop that I've been really enjoying recently, so I've got a bunch of Chance and Noname on the same playlist.

Last Sunday, I put the latter playlist on. I drove around Burbank around noon, and Chance filled the air in the car. I made a pickup on a corner by a cafe. In came a young guy named Rommel.

Rommel was almost the perfect image of the millennial stereotype—early 20s, contemporarily dressed and accessorized, sporting round-framed, half-rimless glasses, earphones, and his cafe work uniform in hand. The second he sat down, he pulled out his phone. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of that; speaking as a millennial as well, it's the norm of our generation.

I didn't really gauge much of a conversation incoming, so I let the music fill the air. The song switched from Noname's "Diddy Bop" to "Wanna Be Cool" by The Social Experiment, which featured Chance pretty prominently.

"Hey, man, I'm pretty into Chance, too," Rommel said from the backseat.

"Oh, for real?" "Yeah man, Chance is pretty good. I like a lot of the stuff he comes out with. My brother's way more into him than I am, but I dig his stuff."

"That's awesome, man," I began. "I was actually having a hard time figuring out what to play in the car today, but I settled on Chance." "I know what you mean," Rommel laughed, "I listen to a bunch of different kinds of music so it can get pretty hard to decide sometimes."

"Same here man, I'm all over the map. I've been listening to a lot of weird stuff lately." "Oh for real? Try me."

I'm always a little overconfident in my music knowledge. More often than not, I do it in hopes of being wrong so I learn something new, but I find some satisfaction in being right.

"How about 'Tennessee Whiskey' by Chris Stapleton?" "...Alright, you got me there."

Country was the last thing I expected from the African American twenty-something sitting in my backseat. California doesn't have a heavy country music scene, at least not one I'm familiar with, nor one that I'm aware of at all. I can probably count on one hand the number of people I know that regularly listen to and enjoy country. And at that point I only really appreciated the genre, but I never actively sought it out.

"I know, man, usually I don't bang country either, but my roommate sent this to me and said, 'You're gonna call me the whitest dude ever but just listen to this,' and I got into it!"

Rommel was living with a roommate, working two jobs and making a living for himself while devoting the rest of his time making music. I thought I was big on music discovery and learning about new music until Rommel told me that he would toss on whatever random playlist Spotify would throw at him and listen to it the whole way through. "Sometimes it's hit, sometimes it's miss, but it's worth it when you find those really good songs like these."

Once we hit a red light, I opened up Spotify to play the song.

Right from the get-go with the walk up into the sweet guitar solo in 3/4 time, it hit me. My head impulsively reeled back, matching the song's cadence and dropping down on the next downbeat. My eyes closed and rolled back into my head for a moment as my eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly and as I mouthed a silent "ooooh". I was swaying, and before I could even get a word in, Rommel already had a smile on and hit me with "Right? It's good!"

He wasn't kidding. I'm not sure what your stance is on country music, but I don't actively seek it out. The music itself doesn't elicit a reaction from me, but it's the lyrics in particularly evocative country songs that get me. This was a song in which the music hit me right off the bat and where the lyrics got me not long after. By whatever unspoken standard I hold my music to, this lived up to it.

I let the playlist run as we kept talking about country. Rommel brought up something that changed the way I viewed country music.

"I've been noticing it a lot the more I listened to country, but country and hip hop have a lot of similarities."

I was pretty surprised by this hearing it initially, but after the sweet surprise of "Tennessee Whiskey," I was prepared and even anticipating to hear what he had to say about it.

"I mean, think about it. They both have those similar moments. You listen to the subject matter that rapper rap about: drugs, money, expensive shit, 'bitches,' common themes in the rap game. It's not all that far off in country music, either—country singers will sing about their booze, their bars, their pick up trucks, their girls in daisy dukes... it might not all line up the same way, but there's a bigger overlap than most people really notice. And both of them have some really cheesy songs. You've got all these songs in rap with crazy metaphors, like "Broccoli" or, like... "Panda," you know? Country's got a lot of cheesy shit like that, too, like..."

While he was talking about this, "That's Why God Made a Front Porch" was playing on Spotify. "Like this song, right?" I asked him.

"Yeah man, like this song!" he laughed.

We were both laughing as we neared his stop. He thanked me for the trip and said "Hope we cross paths again, man."

That was my last trip for the day; it was a good point to call it. The whole way home, I let the random country music playlist play and I found some really awesome music.

It's really funny thinking about it. Bo Burnham recently ripped on country music in his latest comedy special, and as far as I could tell at the time without really knowing country music, it seemed accurate enough. Peering from an outside perspective, country music as a whole seemed a lot like pickup trucks, whiskey, and resonator guitars playing simple chords with violins riffing in the back. But thinking about hip hop in the same way, from what it may sound like to someone that doesn't listen to it, hip hop just seems like girls, drugs, lavish spending, and deep bass hits behind either sampled hits or generic synth melodies with people in the background yelling "HEY". They both have their moments that perpetuate the stereotype, but they have some absolutely solid moments hidden underneath all the generic-colored variety.

At the end of the day, every genre has its gems hidden beneath a lot of plastic. That's why I don't have a particular favorite genre or a particular favorite band—there's too much good in every genre to really narrow down one thing I like best. And it's fine if you've found the one or two or few things that resonate with you deeply. There's no wrong answer in the realm of music; if there were, we wouldn't have jazz and... well, most music today. All that matters is that you've found something that elicits a positive response. Music is magical, after all. I think it's one of the few things in life that's truly universal. Whatever you enjoy, whether it's top 40 pop music or NWOBHM, play on. Don't be afraid to try new things; you might like something you didn't think you would.

As always, thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time.

[eriisaam]

I feel like I bottled up so much about my summoner OCs for a long time. Just recently, I had a “final straw to break the camel’s back” feeling, and I’m just... not sure anymore if I should feel I’m being fair about my feelings and anger or not. I feel like at the very least, this will help me clear some air to maybe move on and re-focus while recovering from other things, but I’m also really sorry to the people following me to dump this out of the blue too. You’ve all been incredibly patient and amazing with me, so whenever I get to the point I need to vent, I feel somewhat guilty of it.

But I’m also incredibly hurt and angry in ways I also don’t feel like I’m fully justified or not in them, for a lot of things well beyond the scope of what is currently setting me off... Maybe it’s best I unbottle it even if only for the sake of clearing the air. 

And then after this, hopefully we can move back to regular light-hearted posts and shitpost art... I’m sorry.

For anyone whose seen me play Fire Emblem Heroes, or even played with me otherwise via friend codes, you know that I go by the handle “my butt” (as for why, Takumi is all too happy to share), and the summoner I send out is Eclair. He’s the only one of the OCs I felt was best able to be represented in-game out of the current summoners selection, so he’s been the one out of the six whose remained ever-present with his dumb little quote and eventually his dumb little gifts to go with. Nobody else in my friend group previously had a summoner named “Eclair” (not to be confused with Eclat), and it’s understandably not a very common name. 

So it came as a surprise to me when one of the FEH friends I had for a very long time, recently changed their summoner (I believe from “Kiran” originally, and with the guy with the brushed-over brown hair) into this:

Any other day, this might’ve been funny, if in poor taste. Maybe I would’ve laughed at it and moved on if I was in a better frame of mind and just ignored it.

But lately, as many of you saw in my past few notes, or even privately, I hadn’t been doing well. I had a lot of frustrations online and off. I’ve been incredibly ill to the point of collapsing a lot, I have a backlog of attempts to work on writing and art that wound up crashing to a halt because of it, in ways that left me even more upset and manic, and pretty much for a long time now, I have felt like I was in constant hell that I tried very hard not to bring up often in public, even when I’ve reached my breaking point multiple times in rapid succession under various circumstances, and I was to a point that a single pin-drop would’ve made me go nuclear.

It wasn’t funny, I didn’t take it well, and I ended up removing them after debating long and hard if I was overreacting to do it or not. And even now, I’m not sure if it was as bad as I make it seem exactly because of how they couldn’t have picked a worse time to try to have a go at me through Eclair.  

And the more I think about it, the more I feel bad that this had been the final straw to a lot of old feelings I’ve had stewing and trying and failing to clear in private, a lot of which were things I didn’t bring up that’s been upsetting me about my summoners for a long time, because I didn’t think ranting about it every single time in the moment was fair, and I feel guilty every time it’s come toit. But seeing this, having all those feelings drum up again, now I wonder if I bottled it up too long, to the point of it being on the opposite extreme and being incredibly unhealthy for me, too.

For a long time, I used the summoner OCs I made for various reasons. Some of them tested waters for like-ideas I wanted to try in some capacity on other works, but wasn’t sure about. (For those who read my other longfics, some of it are a little more obvious than others of the overlap.) Other times, and was one of the biggest pressing things about them, is that I use a lot of them as coping mechanisms. Some of them explored traumas I really did endure, albeit of course theirs might be more extreme, or the same in spirit, or represented or experienced things I myself am still processing. They’re also why I tend to work on them heavily in lulls when I couldn’t properly focus on stuff I otherwise wanted or needed to work on more, or as practice when I needed to figure out how to grasp things in plots or art otherwise, which is why they’re so prevalent on my works so often. 

It’s also why I kept apologizing in realizing that they take over so much, but at the same time, working on them helped better frame things or prepare me for how to continue on other projects I was previously stuck on. They were important to me, and maybe, I got a bit too attached, but without them, I think my productivity and quality in it would be significantly worse if the summoner OCs hadn’t picked me up and carried me through how to figure things out better.

They’ve also, unfortunately, had been the subject of a lot of negativity I’ve sat through and stomached for a good part of the entire pandemic year, and even to this day in this year. I’ve made lore docs for them that got vandalized and littered with comments telling me to “try again” or how wrong I did or how wrong about my ships or shipkids are to come about as they had, to the point that I now deleted them because looking at even my private copy of it drums up the same negative memories and sends me into a panic of whether or not I’ll open it up and see it mass crossed out and littered with even more comments of how terrible and wrong it all is again. It was also partially why I lost heart working on old sketched concepts I initially planned to fully realize, only to drop what I have and post them to share, but would rather redo them (sketch and all) instead of work on them: They are littered with a lot of memories too painful to work on them directly.

I’ve had needlessly hostile messages, telling me off for certain ship combinations, or my OCs being misconstrued into horrible ways and based on their assumptions of what they think my OCs are like, assume the worse of them and me and harass me across multiple messages in my inbox over it. This had even boiled down to harassing me over my design choices of certain OCs, maybe not coincidentally my two female ones, or ones who are short and petite in build compared to their far more larger counterparts, despite every summoner and support all being adults. I’ve had people decide for me they knew the ages of my “minor” OCs better than I do. Despite me being the one who created them.

I’ve had people make not-as-vague-as-they-think-they’re-being comments, shitting on my ideas on the core concept, simply because they’re rooted to either a fandom that’s very subtle and low-key now, a game that seems popular-to-the-point-of-being-a-meme to shit on simply to shit on it and everyone who likes it, and had constantly been made to feel like various ideas other people are ok doing are bad when I do it, solely because I’m doing them. 

They have been through a lot. I’ve been through a lot with them. They still exist because certain people I was very close with, among which Saam had been my rock and pillar through and through, refused to let me give in to the many, many times I found myself in such a dark place and in a really shitty mindset, that I would’ve stopped creating in totality, whether or not it’s related to kiransonas. 

And even now, even when I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces and move past that, there’s still little hints here and there of the damage that’s done that I still haven’t fully gotten over yet to try again. Or I’ve been trying in baby steps, and not in the best ways I wish I could yet.

I don’t draw Erin, Ephrel and Sparrow quite as often anymore, despite wanting to try them again. Ephrel’s and Sparrow’s circle in particular, I felt insecure trying to work on anything to do with them as often, especially if it’s related to Chrom that’s not just with him and Robin. I hesitated to do anything with Sparrow’s and Ephrel’s Robin either, despite having many ideas of what more to share of him. I stopped doing plushies, or being open about plushies anymore, due to still overcoming the feelings fostered from what I’ve been made to feel was bad about them and how I did them. Plush designs and sprite designs I wanted to do as open source were put on hold because I felt more closed off and hesitant to be too open in fandom spaces as much anymore. The Scars of Time, I’ve also hesitated to continue most of all out of my current longfics, because even when it’s been the fic that had the most progress in its latest chapter over the course of the pandemic shoving a wedge across all my longfics, the core elements to it were elements deeply rooted to a lot of the above ill feelings whether directly or by extension of what kiransonas already bore through themselves that hit similar beats. Were it not for incredibly kind commenters who still encouraged me and clearly hoped for other longfics to continue, there have been many, many times I was debating on deleting everything and giving up in totality, but held on because of all of them, and all of you, and people like Saam. 

There’s a lot of things I still had to work through, and it shows.

So I see this dig at Eclair, and I’m torn anymore.

Maybe it was meant to be a harmless joke, and I still have second-guesses that I overreacted and jumped the gun to kick them out of my friend lists over something like this.

But as with how long and scattered my thoughts are in a post like this... It’s been a long time. It’s been a lot of really harsh, unfortunate, hurtful things leading up to this. I see this, and it’s like everything that I listed all came full circle all at once, and it painted all of this in a far worse light than it probably was, but unsurfaced a lot of things that, on top of being sick constantly and stressed out with other major fears, I think I finally cracked.

I don’t know what point I was trying to make of this, and I’m sorry too for all of you having to post this. 

I’m just... tired and confused anymore of if this is fair or when I’m overstepping and overreacting anymore. Or where to go from here.

[eurekakinginc]

"The 4 Epochs of longevity"- Detail: I have been studying Genomics for the last year, with a focus on longevity. I have come to the conclusion that there will be 4 distinct (although somewhat overlapping) epochs in the goal of living longer and healthier lives. I'd like to lay them out for you.This is a long article, and the last epoch has the most to read because it's about research that hasn't even started yet, and I have to talk about the science we know today that will lead to that research. let me also be clear, that while this is based on letitimate research I have read, some of this is SPECULATION. Although in a conversation with the guy that runs the lab I am in the other day, he endorsed my speculation has having solid logical roots.Epoch 1: Health Consciousness. This is the era that began as far back as we can imagine, and we are deeply into this today. This is the notion that (using the best current knowledge that) avoiding sugar, not smoking, eating well (more greens, more rawish foods, less processed stuff, less preservatives), not getting fat, and exercizing can all lead to longer healthier lives. This is undoubtably true. My local PBS station has shows that basically advertize programs (books, videos, you name it) detailing all the things you should do. This is at the rate of about one of these shows a week. I guess, as a species, we got serious about this when the surgeon general banned advertizing of cigarettes in 1970, and as time has passed, we have gotten more serious about it. Lets note, no matter how far forward we go with this process, these fundamental understandings of how NOT to abuse our bodies will always be good advice.Now, an argument can be made that Mary-Claire King is singularly personally responsible for raising the average lifespan age by about 2 years worldwide based on her discovery of the BRCA1 gene - the breast cancer gene - allowing women to get screened and being able to largely avoid dying from breast cancer by knowing that they should get screened more often if they are at risk, and then getting treated early if something is detected. I believe this is true, and I mention it as a proxy for a whole host of life saving interventions (Seatbelts and airbags are two other technologies that are examples), but I don't see those as being DIRECTLY aimed at the issue of longevity, so... Even though that sort of thing is going on in the background, and they are all working in concert to increase the average lifespan, I am going to choose to not count them here. What DO I count then? Well...Epoch 2. Longevity drugs. Starting as far back as 1999 (the earliest paper >I< have seen, though there are certainly earlier ones that I don't know about), specific drugs are mentioned as increasing healthspan, and that implies not dying from age related diseases, and that implies living longer.A few people realize that we are in this epoch right now, and the awareness that we are in it is slowly dawning on the general public. I have 5 treatments that are the hallmarks of this age. 2 are diets and three are drugs. Buckle up, if you haven't heard about these they are becomming mainstream fairly quickly.Lets start with the diets. It's long been known that Dietary Restriction leads to an increase in lifespan. If you knock off about %15 of the calories that you "need" on a daily basis, you tend to live about %20 longer. This, to a person living in the west, means living like a supermodel, and avoiding all those yummy calories - forever. And it turns out that very very very few people are willing to do that. So, a guy named Valter Longo said something genius: What is the minimum thing we can do to get the same effect as Dietary Restriction? He found that for a large number of reasons, fasting sporadically could accomplish that. There are some rules, During the fast, you can eat some things every day for minimum nutrition, but intake of calories is limited to 700 calories per day. Secondly, the fast has to be 5 days long, as you need your body to go into ketogenesis (where weak cells die and break apart and get flushed out of your body). Thirdly, you need to do this at least 7 times in a year for the longer term effects to show up. (These effects also include weight loss, and if you have pre-diabetic readings on some levels, those go back into the normal range). In fact, he was able to get FDA approval for this diet based on these pre-diabetic symptoms disapearing. An FDA approved diet. In this world of fad diets, this is a rarity.Based on Valters work, I was told by a nutrition researcher at the Fred Hutch Cancer Research Center that someone said: Oh, this diet also has anti cancer benefits... What can we do thats the minimum possible that gives >those< benefits.... and based on that the 8/16 diet was born. Basically you eat normally for 8 hours a day, then you don't eat the rest of the time. Think about it... whats the job of a cancer cell? To grab nurients and replicate. But you have antibodies that go find cancer cells and tear them apart allowing those bits to get flushed from your body. (In fact it has been said that everyone has had cancer multiple times, it's just that the antibodies got rid of those cells before they could replicate. So? In that kind of war, if you don't eat for 16 hours a day, thats time for the antibodies to wipe these cells out when they aren't gathering nutrients and making more of themselves. It's about leveling the playing field. Seems legit to me. and if you don't die of cancer? That will certainly lead to a longer lifespan... right?Moving on to the drugs: Rapamycin: This trug targets a gene called mTOR (want to know something funny? the TOR stands for Target Of Rapamycin). Now mTOr regulates a pretty well known metabolic pathway, so it turns out that rapamycin provides benefits in sort of the same way as Dietary Restriction. Lets note that there is a healthspan study in dogs at the University of Washington right now run by Dr. Matt Kaeberlein, but it's not in any clinical FDA trials for longevity even though it's FDA approved for transplant patients, but a number of scientists swear by it.Metformin: This is an FDA approved drug used by diabetics. It works to lower the amount of sugar in the blood. It's milder in terms of effect than rapamycin, and it IS in human trials for healthspan improvement by the FDA at present. These trials are called TAME - Targeting Aging with Metformin. Again, a number of people swear by it.NMN or NR. If you look at a cells energy cycle, cells burn ATP. The make ATP by breaking up sugar that enters the cell, and using some of the parts to make ATP. But they also make NAD+ out of other parts of the sugar - and later on the NAD+ also gets turned into ATP. Now, NMN and NR are chemicals that are along the pathway that cells use to make NAD+ so it's very easy for cells to use this same pathway to make extra NAD+ from a supplement that you take and that NAD+ is then later used to make more ATP. It's well known that NAD+ levels go down as people age... so it makes sense to try to boost those levels right? There have been a few human trials although none were FDA sponsored. There is really solid laboratory evidence in mice these two molecules work AMAZINGLY well, there are ongoing human trials right now, and there is loads of anecdotal evidence. There are also shenanigans about how it's made (enzymatically is FAR preferred to the solvent based manufaturing process), and there are a few lawsuits between some of the companies that sell one or the other as a supplement. But it's the big stick of the current crop of Epoch 2, and it looks like keeping energy levels in cells up helps them function well for a LOT longer.Thats where we are today. There are a few drugs being tested, and in use by early adopters, and it looks very very promising. Where are we headed?Epoch 3: Stem cells and senescent cell removal.There are two breakthrus that will dramatically increase lifespan that are in the "actively being researched" but farther out than the drugs above which are already on the market.Lets tackle stem cells first. These are basically skin cells turned into stem cells that get injected into problem areas, but since they can multiply and become any kind of cell, they can be used to repair damage from any number of age related maladies. Also stem cells tend to decrease with age, so this forced replacement of them can be a good thing if done right. There are stem cell therapies today (things like repairing severed neurons, restoring heart muscle after a stroke, and maybe helping to repair joint function, and on and on and on), none of them were specifically engineered with aging in mind, adn so like above, I won't dwell on them. But... you ask... why did I mention stem cells? Well, there are folks working on aging specific stem cell therapies. These longevity related stem cell therapies tend to be in the realm that uses genetically engineered stem cells. Repairing macular degeneration, and tissue regeneration are two that are on the radar. Lets talk about the first: It turns out that in the eye, there is a specific protein that builds up, that our bodies can't get rid of, but with a 1 base pair change to our dna, there is a protein that CAN get rid of it. So, we take a sample, make a few stem cells, then edit the dna of those stem cells so that they can clear this protein out of the eye, and grow a large number of them, and inject THOSE stem cells back into the eye. This is the macular degeneration fix. It is NOT here today, but there are labs that have done this in mice. This is the exact same approach that is being talked about for arterial plaque buildup. This first use is really indicative of a larger "category" of age related diseases where the body has built up some gunk outside of the cells over time, and it needs to get removed, but it never gets built up too much until after we have kids, so evolution doesn't see it as a problem. (Since evolution only cares about the genes we pass on, adn thats already done by the time this issue crops up.) We who want to live longer, clearly DO think that this is an issue. Since I mentioned them, for muscle regenation or nerve regeration, it's basically a genetically edited stem cell where the appropriate growth factor is somewhat overexpressed, injected into the correct tissue to stimulate faster or more growth thats wanted.The first one of these stem cell therapies, if I have to guess is 5 to 7 years out since it is a new approach that the FDA has to approve. Thankfully they have approved stem cell therapies in the past, and they have approved genetic editing of single cells that get grown to a large number of cells in the past (the car-t lukemia treatment that got approved as of december 2017), so with the fundamental approaches being known it probably won't take them a full decade for us to start to see these uses for stem cells.Senescent cells. Also on the "getting rid of what we don't want vein". It turns out that all cells start as a stem cell then divide into a stem cell and a differentiated cell - one that has a specific function. Senescent cells are those that are doing their differntiated job but getting old (and probably starting to be bad at their job), and refusing to die.. They are just a hangin around. Now, the body knows how to handle small scale damage (As a single example - there is a signal called PDGF Platelet Derived Growth Factor) that some cells excrete as they die telling stem cells in the area that someone is gone, and maybe another cell is needed...) So, IF we can get weak differentiated senescent cells to die we can force nearby stem cells to divide and get a fresh cell thats new and NOT bad at it's job to take the place of the senescent cell. Turns out that Hydrogen sulfide (present in garlic) is a good chemical to trigger weak sensecent cells to die. But there are issues getting it to the right cells, not having it be toxic, and any number of other issues. There are folks that have done work in mice that shows DRAMATIC improvement of healthspan, and restoration of many weakened body functions due to "age" when senescent cells are removed. There are no human trials yet, but be sure that once there is a senescent cell removal therapy, you will want to go get it.I espect this to come about (given the state of research and published papers) within the next decade. These two technologies will make for a HUGE leap forward in both quality of life and longevity.And if this is going to make things so much better, what could possible be epoch 4?Epoch 4, Epigentic resetting.This is where I extrapolate the future. If I am going to tell you what treatments are coming next, I think it's important to start with the ROOT CAUSE of aging - all the treatments above are treatments for first order effects - symptoms if you will - how do you better fix things after something has gone wrong. I want to talk about how we will be able to prevent things from going wrong in the first place inside your cells. It turns out that there might be a few things that cause aging, but far and away the most important of them is cellular disregulation. Think about this... We have a system that regulates what genes are on, and which ones are off, and how much of each gene is expressed. It's called the epigenetic system. I'll describe how it works in slightly more detail a bit later. For now, imagine that over time, the epigenetic system "degrades". And we have about 20,000 genes that do different things, and the DNA for each of those is in every cell in the body. Think about what might happen if a cell that makes light receiver in your eye gets turned on in a cell in your heart. Having to make those extra proteins will take some of the ATP that it takes to beat that heart cell - and having that protein present in the cell might interfere with other things in the cell - and this is one singular example. At the point that enough cells in your skin degrade, it will get saggy, at the point that enough muscle cells stop working right your muscles degrade, etc, etc, etc. In short aging. Now, I am not the first person to say that cellular disregulation is the most important thing, a number of people think that this is THE biggest problem we need to solve, and the entire field is slowly shifting to this point of view.Ok, if thats the biggest problem... what causes the epigenome to "degrade"? Again, there are a number of causes, but right now the evidence points to "double stranded DNA breaks" being far and away the most important cause. Thats right double stranded DNA breaks. What? We have proteins that repair those right? Yes. But... There are side effects. It turns out that Dr. David Sinclair did an experiment with mice that doubled the double standed DNA break rate in very specific places on the genome of a mouse. He performed this experiment over the span of a year, and at the end, compared it to a litter mate, and yes, the DNA break mouse looked very elderly compared to it's one year old bretherin that was in the prime of it's life (mice live about 2 years, so testing aging in mice this way is fair game.) The takeaway of that experiment is that double stranded DNA breaks mess with the epigenome and that... causes aging.OK, I've mentioned the epigenome a few times now, I'd better give a little bit more depth on it. Let me start with a statistic: We think we maybe understand the function of %90 of the DNA we have (I can justify this if needed) - but we maybe only understand %50 of what there is to be learned from the DNA we have. Compared to this, we understand only about %5 of the big picture of what there is to be learned about the epigenome. Let me give you a big picture overview of the basics: What we do know is that there are two main mechanisms at play. The way that genes are turned on or off (or regulated up and down like a volume control knob) is by that DNA being accessable to the proteins that make RNA copies of it. The first mechanism: On the outside of your DNA, almost as an annotation system we get "methylation", and in most cases, if you methylate something that gene turns off - think about it, the protein that wants to make a copy comes along and oops, it's blocked from getting to the DNA it wants by a methyl group, so... no copy is made. This is kind of the on off switch. The second mechanism is way way way more complicated (it's more the volume control knob). We have 2 meters of dna if you stretch it out. Thats a lot. Imagine it being a ball of yarn stuffed into the neucleus of a cell, how do you find anything? Well... in that scenario, you can't... but we have evolved "histones", and the dna wraps around them, and gets all coiled up. Lots of histones which allow everything to be wrapped up neatly and predictably. Now, histones have certain tails of amino acids hanging off the side that things can bind to. DNA has a very slight positive charge. And methyl groups have a very slight positive charge... and acetyl groups have a very slight negative charge. So... imagine adding a methyl group, and the two positives charges push each other away, meaning the dna wraps less tightly around the histone, meaning it's slightly MORE available to be transcribed, and acetyl groups help to wrap the DNA more tightly and turn down transcription. And now, let me blow your mind... there are about 200 different epigenetic markers that have been discovered, and people are working feverishly to decipher and understand and map them all. It's my understanding that DNA methylation has the largest "control authority" over gene expression so lets talk only about that.It's clear that if the epigenome gets messed up by double standed DNA breaks that the implication is that the proteins that go to the break and repair it also knock some methyl groups off, or add some extra ones as they do their job - it appears that in certain areas of the genome it's more "add" and in other areas it's more "remove", but with age, gene expression TENDS to drop (meaning more methylation). Now the damage (extra methylation) appears to be somewhat random. Today noone knows the exact mechanism that causes this damage - so if you are looking for a PHD project? This is a really solid one to take on.But what we DO know, is that there is a specific profile of DNA methylation that seems to be present at varying ages - certain important points on the genome either have it or don't. And as you age, other IMPORTANT points get methylated. This work was done by Horvath and Hanuum in about 2013 when they published separate papers on the "DNA methylation clock". There are 400ish sites that get methylated, and which of those sites is currently methylated can be used to determine your age (barring radiation, obesity, or smoking exposure) to within a few years. In fact, this clock is accurate enough that one european government is using it to determine the age of refugees who have no documentation (to determine if they are over or under 18 years old as the law has different rules for the two groups.) The method gives you an answer at the age of 18 thats within 2 years, and previously they called in dentists to look at wisdom teeth and got answers that were within 5 years. Even though this is a new technology, and it has so much room for improvement, it is already better than the old methods of determining age. (scary right?)So, now you know what causes aging! Double stranded DNA breaks cause DNA methylation to increase messing up gene regulation. it's SO SIMPLE, RIGHT? Here is a paper with a bit more depth to it that explains what I just did again with diagrams and definitions, and way more detail: http://www.longlonglife.org/en/transhumanism-longevity/aging/epigenetic-aging-longevity/epigenetic-alterations-as-a-cause-of-aging/So whats coming? Here is where I make my specualtive prediction: We will take every cell in your body and RESET the epigenome.WHAT? How the hell is that possible?!? Well... if we look to biology for answers, how does the methylation on your DNA get there in the first place? We have an enzyme called DNA methyltransferase (actually there are alot of them that do this kind of thing), and there are other mechanisms that remove methylation.You have all heard of CRISPR right? CRISPR is a combination of two things. First is the Cas9 gene that likes to cut DNA, and second is a peice of RNA that guides the Cas9 gene to the place it's needed to do that cutting. WAIT!!! Cutting DNA? Thats bad, right? Yes, but...As of 2016 some scientists in China (Shawn Liu and Xuebing Wu, and others) developed a version of CRISPR where they took off the part that cuts DNA, and added on a part that demethylates DNA, and you can buy this off the shelf now.So, all you need to do (hahaha, as if this really is easy, right?) All you need to do is to identify all the places that need to be demethylated, build the correct guide RNA, and deliver a cas9-dna-demethyltransferase along with the guide RNA into every cell in your body, and voila! No more cellular disregulation. And at that point the cell will behave normally, and it won't become senescent, or die, or misbehave in any way.As part of identifying those genes that need to be reset? Lets talk for a moment about how we might do that. Remember the Hanuum clock? %10 of the methylation marks are in a gene called KLF14 which is a master regulator of metabolism and obesity. (I'll also note that one of the stem cell creation factors - Klf4 - is a brother protein to this). It strikes me that a lot of the drugs mentioned earlier focus on metabolism related things, so pointing at this gene seems to pass the smell test.My bet is thats it's not a bad gene to start with, and resetting it might show some mild improvement in lifespan. But more likely, doing this will backfire as the gene regulation system is ridiculously complicated, and so I think that to get ANY effect we may need to reset a dozen or so genes, and to get the DESIRED true longevity effect, we may need to reset somewhere between 200 and 500 genes. and all I've talked about is the methylation. Remember there are 200 or more epigenetic marks to take into account and decipher.And then there is the issue of delivering this drug to every cell in the body. We use viral vectors to do this today in gene therapy, and so some of this delivery part is available, but... it's expensive today, and as a technology, it too is in it's infancy.And now, just to make sure that you understand the hieghts of the smooth granite mountain peaks you are about to free climb... there are 240 or so tissue types that are tracked today, thats clearly not all of them, and each tissue type is likely to have it's own set of genes that need specific "settings", and since the viruses used to deliver gene therapy products are usually attracted to very specific tissue types, we will need at least that many viral variants to deliver these specialized cocktails to those cells... Trivial, right?So, I think we CAN fix our gene regulation, and our first attempt, with limited understanding and maybe a dozen genes, we can make some headway, and herald it as a major breakthru, but 10 or 20 years later when we REALLY understand what we are doing? These postulated first efforts will seem like the dark ages where we drilled holes in the skull to "let the demons out".When will this happen? All the tools are there, heck, I've even identified an initial gene as a possible target. All it takes is someone to fund the study in a lab. Are we at the point where most funders see this as the next logical step? From what I know today? No they do not. This means we will need at least 5 more years of epigenetic mapping and research and refinements to the clock and understanding gene regulation pathways, and more importantly progress into the second and third epohs listed above to show that logevity is actually achievable, and and and... and then we can see some early results for a version 1 that mitigates aging in elderly folks who have gene disregulation, and once reset they get healthier. (the fact that they will live longer, thats not what the FDA will focus on - they will want to see folks with a better metabolism, with more muscle tone, etc, etc, etc, things they can measure NOW.)So, when will this happen? I think we may see the first scientific paper that addresses this root cause of aging within the next 10 years (unless you count THIS as the first paper, in which case... I'd be honored), and that... that will be the beginning of the 4th epoch of longevity.So, this is my take on the treatments, pills, therapies, processes, procedures, research and so on that will lead to a revolution in longevity.The short version to wrap this all up is: Given the roadmap I've laid out here and the progress we have already made - I THINK that we can get there.. Title by: John_Schlick Posted By: www.eurekaking.com