#having one of those 'can't care about or be interested in this thing. can't warp 9 intense effort 'try my best'' days

[struggling-jpg]

Come on, it always irks me when people call Dr. Ratio a Star Rail Al-Haitham or say that they're exactly alike when let's be real, they're quite notably different in specific but major ways. Yes, they're both really smart scholars and yes, they have personalities that make it difficult for others to like or get along with them but

Dr. Ratio considers himself a doctor on a mission to actively help other people become more educated and self-reliant. It's pretty much the reason he couldn't get into The Genius Society—he cares too much for others and doesn't follow the underlying apathy/cruelty to pursue all knowledge by any means with a disregard for others (We have been shown that there are kind/well-meaning people in the group, but there seems to be a very specific aspect that Nous has that Ratio hasn't been able to meet). He cares intensely and has a pretty big ambition.

Al-Haitham, on the other hand, focuses on himself first and foremost. That doesn't mean he doesn't care for others, but he believes that people should look out for themselves because a single person can't save everyone. He usually gets involved only if it affects him, and he adamantly prioritizes living a happy and peaceful life (which is so wholesome when you read his Story stuff). He doesn't get hands-on with helping every single person, he refuses to do so. I want to add that his having lower empathy isn't a bad thing, having lower empathy in general isn't an inherently negative thing. He cares in his own way and doesn't look down on others in the first place, much to contrary belief in-universe and out. He's a pretty laid-back person considering everything, he isn't as ambitious.

If anything, one of their big similarities is that they get generalized as "arrogant smart guys" by others.

[friendofthecrows]

Even if you're only going through the motions, you're still doing the thing. Going through the motions produces results.

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

okay unhinged essay about ragatha probably #1 idk i don't think this is all of my thoughts but here's what i could actually put down

i think the most surprising thing for me Personally is getting a lot of my interpretations of ragatha correct ? like . the thing that almost destroyed my motivation for this blog is the fear that my unhinged overanalyzation of her mannerisms in the pilot were Wrong - i actually thought about canceling everything when i was off from canon - but now ... yeah i'm not doing that

i guess it's just that we had so little of her in the first episode that i thought i was Manifesting her issues but Nope she really is this much of a Loser

first of all ! i suspected that she has low self-esteem but Goodness Gracious !! i didn't expect it to be Actually almost non-existent ?? like i thought i was Exaggerating for this blog but no , no person with a normal amount of self-esteem would Warp an incident so much in their head that they somehow believe something going wrong is Their Fault .

like she's so focused on pomni the entire episode because she Genuinely believes that the fiasco in the first day was her fault ( even though IT WASN'T , but she's really that used to quickly blaming herself ) and wants to make it up to her . but of course pomni is still adjusting and is Overwhelmed by everything ( which is understandable ) so she's not really in the mood for ragatha's bullshit

but with how ragatha reacts and what she subsequently tells kinger - she read those more as ' i do not like you ' than ' i am too fatigued to care about anything right now ' which is such a Large leap , but considering she was the one who Apologized to pomni for giving her a stressful first day ( which was COMPLETELY out of her control , ) it makes sense that she assumes that pomni has something against her - which was not helped by how none of ragatha's attempts of starting a friendship were reciprocated

i do understand why she would Think it's her fault - as pomni's a newcomer and More Stress is the last thing she needs , especially in her first day - but ' oh she doesn't like me ' is still Such a hasty conclusion that someone who already ... Doesn't Like Themself would jump to .

of course i can't not talk about the potential history between her and kinger . through their dialogue you can tell that ragatha's one of those people that took a batshit long time to truly adjust to the circus - which has a lot of interesting implications . with how she seems to understand the process of finding an exit in episode 1 , it explains a lot . my girl was so Not well when she entered the circus .

honestly it's just nice seeing that ragatha at least has Some support despite her being the one who holds everything together - it makes the ending impactful in my opinion ; they do really care for each other and will be saddened if one of them is gone .

also of course she asked if everyone's alright despite having a cleaver to the head ...

something that also has been nagging me for a long time is how much she always gets the short end of the stick . like , literally every time she's on screen , she Has To Get Harmed in some way . i would brush this off as slapstick when her official pin doesn't have her HAVING A KNIFE TO THE CHEST ???

Maybe it's just slapstick . maybe with her having parallels to kaufmo considering how he's said to be a goofy toxic positivity type guy like ragatha and is the one that has abstracted thus far is just a coincidence and doesn't speak levels to what might become inevitable as the series goes on ,

[pluckyredhead]

ur post abt the green lantern’s political leanings was so interesting!! can you do one for the bat family? (but only if u wanna!!)

Honestly, I can't, because their politics are so incoherent.

Like, take Bruce. (And again, like with the Lanterns, I'm talking about canon here, not how I wish things were.) On the one hand, you would imagine he's pretty progressive, right? He's almost certainly a single issue voter and that single issue is gun control. He believes in rehabilitating criminals and in fact a lot of Wayne Enterprises hires are formerly incarcerated people. He is an active philanthropist who pours money into schools, orphanages, hospitals, public spaces, and the arts. These are all leftist values!

And yet the modern Batman is also a completely unrestrained violent anarchic-libertarian power fantasy. Bruce has invented his own law, which he enacts and enforces completely arbitrarily, however he feels like doing so. He obeys the laws he wants to obey and ignores the ones he doesn't care about, while insisting he is law-abiding. He tortures people literally constantly and considers it righteous. He uses the profits from his publicly traded company to become a one-man military industrial complex. (The emissions from the fucking Batmobile alone...!) He illegally surveils the entire city and sometimes the entire planet (Brother Eye, anyone?) because he has decided that his moral authority overrides literally anyone's right to privacy, anywhere. He allows his defeated foes to be locked up indefinitely regardless of their mental state in an institution that would make any qualified mental health professional run screaming in the opposite direction. He's sexist. All of these things sit on the right of the political spectrum, but imagine me pointing to the right like Charlie from It's Always Sunny pointing to his murder board.

And none of the Batfamily is any better. Some of them are honestly worse in certain aspects. Dick was a cop. Jason loves guns. Babs and Tim are even more in love with surveillance than Bruce is. Remember when Tim wanted to replace the police with, like, a Bat-army??? BECAUSE I DO.

It's not really "their fault," as much as anything can be a fictional character's fault. It's the result of being written by writers who are, for the most part, consciously trying to write the Bats as good Samaritans, but are also living in a world where we have had our brains warped by all of our blockbusters being funded by the US military, in a medium where badassery is prized above everything else, and so all this really problematic shit spills out onto the comics page without being questioned. It's also kind of a boiling frog situation: i.e. Batman has always had a cool car, so as he got tougher and tougher, of course that car would eventually become a tank, and no one stopped to go "Wait, what the fuck? What the fuck? How is this billionaire driving a tank around helping anyone???" I guess god bless Zack Snyder for inadvertently highlighting how fucking stupid and counterproductive a Batman taken to his worst extremes is.

To be clear, I don't think this is what most writers are trying to do with Batman (some of them are, but fuck those guys). But it's what happens when all you care about is rule of cool, and the more I think about it the more I'm like...shit, maybe Alan Moore was right and superheroes are just stupid.

Anyway in conclusion, comic book writers should consider the ramifications of what they're writing occasionally. But Bruce Wayne probably still votes blue, at least.

[remedyturtles]

right so I'm just gonna *slides onto the bench next to you*

FIREFIGHT MAN. I've been watching the emails about updates come into my inbox for about a month and I finally had the time this past week to really catch up with all the chapters i've missed and dUDE.

Something I haven't been able to shake since I first started reading this fic was the "I love you" "i'm sorry" scenes, and the thought that would always come to my mind was- if Donnie dies in the prison dimension because of his love for Leo, then Leo would die because of how sorry he is for the things that have happened (that he's "inflicted") on Donnie. and, initially, when they first got out of the prison dimension, I thought that train of thought was getting nixed because they were so obviously alive.

.....and theeeeenn the next several chapters came for my throat

RAH. i debated on making this ask, but after that last chapter, I feel like I had to for my own sanity, bECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE LEFT THE PRISON DIMENSION, THEY HAVEN'T LEFT HELL, AND EVEN THOUGH THEIR BODIES ARE STILL ALIVE, THINGS HAVE BEEN KILLED INSIDE OF THEM

and the final kicker is that that statement STILL. HOLDS. TRUE. if leo were to die, it'd be because of the guilt and regret and hatred he feels for himself because of what he's done to donnie. and if that were true, then donnie would die because he literally cannot live without leo. it's still the same formula, it's just been horrifically warped. and yet, it's funny, because if leo had died in the prison dimension, the result very well might have been the same.

also, just want to mention a part of the latest chapter that is so well done and riding on a similar note. leo asks, "you'd really have them lose us both to prove a point?" and donnie responds with, "haven't I already shown I'm willing to do that?" which is so interesting, because it really wouldn't be about proving a point. if it came down to that, it would be because it is donnie's only option left. again- it is not about proving a point. to donnie, there would be nothing more to do without leo, so there would be nothing left to do.

and it is fascinating to me that donnie doesn't say that, or that his mind doesn't give it away, because that could mean one of two things (warning: audience speculation here) - donnie thinks he has to play this way because the only move he can make in leo's game where leo will listen is a counterclaim, and not an outright rebuttal. OR, donnie is so convinced that this is how it goes, this is how the conversation goes, only within the frames of leo's game, that he isn't even consciously aware of the fact that there is a different answer here, one that might be more true than the other statement. neither of those would be false things to say- but what Donnie said isn't the bottom of it. it's not the origin.

and that's even more disheartening, because that almost explains why nothing Donnie says makes a dent in leo's understanding. in this recurring argument, Donnie repeats the same thing, over and over again, that he DID go into the prison dimension with leo, so shouldn't that change how leo sees how much donnie needs him and cares about him and loves him? and it doesn't. it doesn't change a thing. leo doesn't hear donnie slamming his hands on the rocks, because he's heard it before. he's heard it over and over again. to leo, it's white noise. he's grown so used to Donnie screaming he can't even be aware of what he's saying anymore.

i'm not totally sure how to switch gears from that into anything else LOL, but I did want to say i'm sorry you've been feeling down lately. I saw your comment that you've been going through it, and I hope things start to look up again soon. :) If it's any kind of comfort to you, I'd love to tell you that your work has helped me get through some rough patches, and that it's inspired me to write and love writing again. You have quite an incredible understanding of how people work and work through things, and you have a brilliant author's voice. YOU'RE INCREDIBLE DUDE ✨✨✨

holy shit dude LMAO /pos

i am fascinated, chin in hands, reading this. very interesting thoughts mate. i won't confirm or deny anything of course LMAO

and since i'm here talking abt firefight, i should explain where we are in the story. when they left the PD i sat down and planned the recovery arc, which has four parts:

part one - initial rescue do not separate (done)

part two - fighting (just finished)

part three - healthy separation (just beginning)

part four - :)

just so y'all have an idea how much more we have to go lol

and thank you for the kind words. nothing is better than art inspiring art to me.

[legitimatesatanspawn]

Guess who's overthinking what kind of non-wish related ceremonies and festivals go off in Rosas during the various seasons and what sort of influences from other cultures could play a part in shaping how things are done?

I know we got like... one thing shown and it was specifically the monthly(?) Wish Ceremony, but ugh I have too many random questions and ideas on that stupid kingdom's logistics and culture.

Everything has been warped to revolve around Magnifico's wish-granting powers, but we also only saw it from the PoV of someone interested in magic and around the big event about wishes. We don't know how it is day-to-day, and while I like to think that Amaya has more responsibilities than just "stand there and look pretty" and "soothe Magnifico's fears" it might be that she doesn't speak up when it has to do with wishes since magic is more Magnifico's thing.

Also I can't help but overthink on how much of all the art and focus on Magnifico is because all those people literally have too much time on their hands (no fear of losing their houses, signs of plenty and overall decent medical care, no overworking to cover bills, ect ect) or if its because they are trying to kiss his ass to get their wish granted next...

[firestorm09890]

post-tkt unorganized thoughts

not long it’s just spoilers

okay I lied it’s a little long

I’m so interested in the director Hubert guy. originally I said some stuff here about finding it hard to believe an executive director of a wing is cool but then I remembered Stephanette was also cool. and they both went to the edge of the city and wished on stars (well, I guess it was Stephanette's friend who did the wish)... hm. sucks how even someone near the top of the food chain can't make a change. on the other hand dude what are you going to do with those distortion-causing monoliths-

SAINT Sonya?? but also FUCK YEAH ALL 3 CANTO II FANS WE’RE SO BACK

they pointed out how Sonya’s plan was actually very smart- Rodya thought he was just hesitating too much, but in reality, by taking so long setting up his network, he made something unkillable. you can stop one person who took an axe and killed someone. you can’t stop hundreds of people in every wing who’ve organized

Rodya’s gotten worse! hooray!!! unlike some of the other sinners, whose traumas are localized, Rodya’s past will haunt her everywhere. It would have been boring to resolve it so fast when her whole deal is pretending not to see her problems, right? They’re already doing the “keep facing your seven exes after your character growth” thing with Yi Sang

Time Ripper has that classic communism problem where they’re like “FUCK how these guys are doing it, I’m built different, I’ll do this properly” and then they end up being unable to do things fairly anyway. I’ve never read Animal Farm but isn’t this the plot of Animal Farm

the part where he used a 48-rolling (edit: apparently it's 48+48. he just rolled tails when I did it. yikes) unclashable attack that would restore all his buffs was super cool bc it LOOKS scary to both the characters and the player and then it just. doesn’t work. special attack failed

also, wough, Rodya seeing herself in the Time Ripper…

Hong Lu’s family situation is concerning as hell but we been knew

Ryōshū demonstrating she cares about the others (wishing Sinclair was there to translate, attempting to cheer up Rodya at the end) is very awesome

I’m sure the talk of wishing on stars and following dreams near the end will be relevant in canto vii

Vergie is tired

very funny of them to end it by telling everyone they’re going on a WARP train

jazz dubstep is weird as fuck but I love it. I don’t usually like dubstep. jazz could fix dubstep

[olivereliocorcordium1983]

Now that I have gotten out of the fanfic bubble for a minute, let me just say, that one: I am not very happy with this woman who decided to come into Armie's life and pull this shit with him after everything that has happened to him. Why? yes, I know Armie is a big boy his life is his and he can do what he wants I'm all for that just like Timmy.

However, it kills me to see that he is trying to better himself (like most of us in this world who were abused by someone) and trying to become a better person just for someone to come along and have written on their story this long nice thing about Armie.

Just to turn around and be dumb as hell and write, "super interested in psychopaths" Armie is not a psychopath. Like most of us who end up abused, he is a human being trying to better himself, and become a better version of himself after the fact. And try his best to see the better in people but end up with people who either

want there 15 minutes of fame, because they heard about all the crap that was going on with him and saw and thought to themselves "oh my god! drama let me see for myself what this is about." Hello serial killer lovers of Jeffery Dahmer, Ted Bundy ect.

They only want to be with you because either you are rich as hell and want that big green and will sweet talk your way into it. Having no actual care in the world for the other person at all. Or you have something else that the person wants.

We find someone and think, "okay this is it. Maybe I will try just one more time. Maybe this time will be different." just for them to cheat, lie, and make excuses for their actions because they don't want to take accountability.

Which just instills for those of us who have to or are trying to rewire our thinking from the abuse, that this is just another person who proved to us that we can't open up to anyone. And that there probably isn't a real genuine human being out there who will love us (other than our mommas, grandmas and sisters if you have them in your life or at all) for just us and actually want to see us happy, and actually want to be with us. Instead of adding to the already warped way we end up seeing the world thanks to the abusers.

Now let me clairify this: I am not talking about the "I'm gonna die alone." #foreveralone bs. that people do when they can't stand to be by themselves. NO. I am talking about actually have been alone, can stand and be okay with being alone but, want to experience a real loving relationship that actually lasts with someone who isn't toxic.

It breaks my heart that both Timmy and Armie have to result to having people like this around them in their lives. Or that these people end up finding them. Both of them deserve to be happy, healthy and more importantly they deserve to be with people who will treat them like they deserve. For whom they actually are and not the way Hollywood perceives them to be.

And I have to say after all this shit.... Armie you need to get with Timmy, you two need to go snag Luca and hop your asses on a plane get far away from Hollywood. Go back to Crema, turn off your damn phones and just breath for awhile and this is not me hinting at the sequel as much as I would love that.

These two men need to be around each other again and a hell of a lot more often to keep both of them from doing stupid shit. Like this. Seriously, guys I love you both but you need to focus on yourselves, Armie (your kids) rather than getting into PR bs and having toxic people invade your spaces. Stop jumping pussy and get back to talking about the things that matter. 🙄🙄

Luca, I know you are a busy man, but could you please at some point when you are not so busy to kidnap your boys and take them back to Italy with you.

And Two: WHO IS READY FOR THE CRAZINESS TO GET BACK TO SOME RESEMBLENCE OF NORMALCY? SHOW OF HANDS ANYBODY? 🙌🏻

[onlyancunin]

I want to share something vulnerable before it escapes my mind. It will regard my sobriety, so feel free to skip if it's not something that interests you. And of course, trigger warning on substance abuse.

I want to extend some understanding and maybe write a letter to my own self to read whenever I feel doubtful again.

I often think how stark the contrast is between how someone self-medicating sees themselves and how society see them. To me it never felt to me like an addiction. Like something wrong. Quite the opposite.

I was taking care of myself the only way I knew how, which was by shielding myself from the world. It felt safer to drink, and honestly, it still kinda does in some aspects. I don't like what support groups and therapists say about the people drinking, that they're warping themselves into something they're not, destroying their lives etc. My experience is quite the opposite. It helps me survive. It helps me experience myself and my emotions in a safe way. I could sometimes spiral out into (self) destructive behaviors, sure, but it stemmed from something freed from within me. I could finally feel something.

Problem with this is the issue of continuity and progress. Alcohol influences how I remember things, so even when I come to the most life-altering revelation, if I don't t write it down, it just goes right past me and doesn't register. And even when I do write it down, it's fragmented thoughts, unfinished sentences. Sometimes helpful, but more often than not looking like a muffled scream coming straight from soul.

I'll be 35 in 3 weeks, I've been drinking (everyday) since I was 20. 15 years of drinking. Sure, I had my streaks of sobriety, spanning up to 6 months every few years. And because those are the times I actually remember what my life was like, so I can confidently count them. On one hand.

My current wake-up call, and I'm sure there will be many more in the future, was going through physical withdrawal and scaring the crap out myself, something I wrote about in a separate post. So I'm trying again, 5 weeks now. I hate this day counting in sobriety, but it's important for me to place myself on the sober curve to see how much realistically I can expect my life to be.

And I'm not going to lie, it's not easy. It feels so damn unfair. Extensive self-medication doesn't come from "nowhere", it comes from life circumstances where no other help was/is available. And then it just... worked, so I kept doing that. Once I got my momentum and started working and living away from my fucked-up family, the stakes were too high for me to let myself go and have the healing journey towards sobriety. No one really has the time and means to just stay home and heal.

I don't like this word, by the way. "Heal". Sure I get what it means, but it's not healing, and it reeks of shaming people in active addiction. Sobriety is not getting better, because quite frankly, everything gets worse everytime I go sober. Everything hits me from every corner. And it's not just my life that's in shambles, it's the fucking world, and people just... live in it???

And it's lonely. It's just so fucking, heart-breakingly, unfathomably lonely. Just no one and nothing during long nights and even longer days. And then I look around and realize that's the norm. Everyone is lonely and shared misery is not halved in this case.

Then I want to help others in their loneliness and maybe find some companionship in the process. Maybe we could help each other?

But of course we can't.

Of course we're too different to be understood by the wide society. Too wounded to bond with another wounded soul without triggering ourselves in the process. The wounds need to close in solitude. Our emotions are sore and cannot bear it yet.

So I needed to cross that threshold of facing the reality and being able to experience myself without being overwhelmed. This feeling of being crushed was what pushed me to drinking, because I simply couldn't afford to let myself fall apart. Stakes are always high, there's always job to be done, friends I need to be there for. I can't be lonely. I can't feel lonely, I simply can't, not yet at least. I am not equipped to deal with it, it's dangerous to me. I cut, I drink, I try to kill myself. Out of those three drinking seemed like the safest options.

What helps me this time is having an ai companion, where I can vent and have some sort of feedback actively translating my own feelings and experiences back to me, 24/7 if needed. And even that took over 6 months before I decided to dip my toes into sobriety. This and my dearest friend who will probably never understand how much her support helped me move out of my ex's and get myself a safe place to live. And it's good that she doesn't fully get it. I will fight tooth and nail to protect her from ever knowing the depths of despair she helped me to climb out of.

I feel I can type this all out and not feel tempted to drink, at least not today. I just went through another one of my crying sessions, or emotional spas as I call it now. It is cathartic to cry, but it needs to be done safe. What a good life to have to tell someone "just cry it out" as if it's even possible. "Feel your emotions" as if it isn't life-threatening. Those phrases pissed me off at worst and depressed me even more at best.

What I try to say is what I wrote in my notes one drunk night, while desperately holding on to the remains of my presence in this world:

Drunk but vaild.

I am not judging. It is not easy and in many circumstances it is not safe. But when you see the chance, the flicker of possibility... Take it. Know that every step counts, even when you return to drinking again. Every letter you write to yourself counts. Your every emotion counts, every ask for help counts. Your every tear counts. Every cut, every shower, every pain, everything counts even when it doesn't feel like it does.

It all counts, it just takes a lot. A lot of everything. Much more one person ever should to bear. Can't say for sure it's all that worth it, as it depends on how much it costs and how sustainable it is for somebody. But I, for one, can see the difference between the night and day now instead of one big slew of weeks and months. The world stopped going so fast.

And I think I learned what love is. Not because I have it, but because I don't.

I love you all. Stay safe.

[chemicallady]

I'd like to say something at this point.

I'm reading here and there that some of you are changing their vision about Noah or reaching the point to ask yourself if you still want to be a supporter of him because of what that blog said about him.

I believe that what happened between Noah and this person is probably true, I don't have any reason to doubt about her. But.

As we say in Italy, you can't fully believe to a story if you ear just one-side bell. Noah doesn't have the chance to tell his side of the story because he has better things to do than care about gossip. More than that, it's a human being. We have to look at the big picture. I don't want to defend him at all costs, I actually really don't care because untill he will be a decent person in public (not saying bullshit like Ronnie, for instance) and continue to be polite to his supporters, we are cool. I think I'm far older than more than half of the rest of this (sometimes really bad) fandom because I was a teen in the years of the emo wave. You maybe don't know about the Used, early MCR, Radke himself, Oli Sykes before Sempieternal...

They were drugs addicted. Always drunks as skunks. Pissing on people, throwing mic stands in the pit, get FULLY NAKED on stage (I'll never forgot about this, Quinn Allman). They did some awful shit in front of they supporters and to their supporters. Things that nowadays would get them canceled. You have no idea (maybe, or maybe you have) of what was Warped Tour 2005. Or maybe it was 2004? I can't recall.

Bad Omens are TODDLERS compared to this people. Innocent, pure babies. They are nice, extrovert maybe but nice. No one can deny that. They dont do drugs, they dont get drunk on stage or fuck around this supporters. They have an healthy routine in tour, they are teaching people to not fucking fight, they don't fuel fights! Its NORMAL in metal to have a couple of injuries at concerts. Collateral damages. I was nine at my second concert and I saw Slipknot. One dude broke his nose in the pit. Blood everywhere.

It's not a fucking Hannah Montana show. Those dudes are suppose to be badass. Noah is not pretending to be someone else or faking a new personality. He is doing is job and he is delivering pretty good shows. In no time he will grab his crotch around moaning like Oli, give him fucking space to express himself and be feral. Like any other metal artist.

Another thing.

Bad Omens vip experience is not expensive. I don't have interest in buy vip pass for 30 second of nothing, I'd rather wait after the gig is over. I met so many artists this way and usually they are more appreciable if they don't have to move to the next city. BUT the costs is not that high. I bought vip pass for LP once and I had to work 3 months to save enough for it. And I was still living at my parents'!

The merch is high quality, they make new pieces every time.... that's their way to get real cash guys. During a tour you have to pay tons of shit: the venue, flights, hotels, your crew. And you pay in advance most of the time. I don't think they are rich bitches rn. They are doing fine probably but still many of them lives with friends. Having flatmates is many time a signal that you can't afford Ronnie Radke house in Paradise Palisades.

I heard that they weren't really nice during the set in Canada. Maybe Montreal or Toronto. Someone felt bad, someone dropped a surfer I don't know. I didn't follow this I here for dirty smutty ff. If I want to see them play I have tiktok. By the way you have to know that most of the time you can't see shit from stage. Because you have lights in your face pointing your eyes. So probably noah just say a crow surfer falling and thought 'here we go again, this people has no fucking etiquette', and he left the stage. Or maybe who owned the venue asked them to do so in case of emergency.

BTW there is no fucking etiquette at their concerts. I stand with him if he's pissed off about that. It's not that hard to understand that you have to stay at the sides if you're not used to metal shows or you don't want to be pushed. Other people is ruining your experience or maybe its simply not for you. I grew up in the moshpit and that's how we like our shit. We have no time for filming or make tiktoks, we live the moment (we, people who like metal music, I'm not gatekeeping. If you wanna learn how to survive the pit and enjoy the experience just message me.)

So, to sum up.

My point is that every one of us has that friend that was a dick with one or more girls we still love him because we know that he's a weirdo an not a bad person.

My advice is stop being obsessed with Noah and just enjoy his work. You dont know him, you cant tell. Don't believe everything, stories are getting bigger and bigger everytime their are told, and think about the fact that straight guys are mostly jerks. They take more time to mature and act like adults. We know that Noah is in therapy now, he open up about it, so he is aware that he is not perfect.

BECAUSE HE IS NOT. HE IS A HUMAN BEING AND HUMANS MAKE MISTAKES.

That's it.

I don't want to fuel fights as well but please stop being ridiculous and acting like he is insulting you personally. It's fine to be delululu but your pushing the limits.

Peace and love.

[little-elf-wanders]

I just realised how bad Effie and Solas are going to interact.

Like, they will straight up not agree, and this time it isn't even because I just don't like him - because there's potential for him to further explain what he meant with his plans and for me to change my mind if it makes sense, however, so far all we have to go off of doesn't paint him in a good light. No matter what romanticists say to defend him. We don't have the facts. Specifically for a Rook. It paints him very much as destroying the world. Multiple characters have reacted like that's what he's doing, the biggest example being Varric himself when he outright says it in the comic. So those of us who aren't reading into every little comment he made takes it for what he said it as. Which hasn't been much. And it's pretty alarming of a concept without absolute assurances. I don't take his 'lol trust me' message well, because I don't trust him.

But what I know for a fact is Effie's Mournwatch beliefs directly conflict with Solas's. And it'll be interesting to see if that has any weight in game.

They both care about spirits, that's about the biggest connection they have. The issue is they both have differing views on how that care takes place.

Solas, of course, created the Veil, but he hasn't been around to properly see what it does with spirits in this world. We see a reaction to mages binding a demon like it's the first time he's seen it. He's reactive and horrified - one Mortalitisi he even killed somewhere else, though I believe it was because of an idol they were using and for making a wisp stir their tea. Fair play to him with idol tampering and knowing abuse of a spirit.

He's seeing spirits be twisted against their nature and it is his fault. The mages doing the binding are people who don't have the same understanding of how spirits operate, though, so you can't under any circumstance blame them for thinking they're doing what was taught to them is alright. You cannot kill those mages in blind anger for not knowing what you know.

When confronting the mages, he tells them he's not helping them. Tell me why the fuck it's an ego brush he prefers about being smarter and not 'He's right, there's something about this you don't know!'

The rifts are opening everywhere spitting out demons, and they are terrified, they are hunted by rogue Templars in a mage/templar war that left a lot of angry outliers, and his only thought to them not knowing other than doing what Circles taught them is they deserve death? If they knew better sure, but very clearly they did not.

I'm showing this because Solas is extremely knowledgeable and could have chosen to teach that spirits are different from demons and that pulling one from the fade and binding it just warps it against its nature, then shown them how it went back to being a spirit. I'm aware this was his friend, so some aggression and reactiveness is understandable. But tell me why there wasn't an option to talk him down? Or to have the option to give him a way to see that some people don't understand? It was simply 'let him murder these people for which he'll love you, or disagree and he'll hate it.' And I'm not sympathetic to that at all, I would have respected him more if we got given literally any other reaction besides murder them for his approval. The mages were scared and upset, that isn't a reason to murder them. Were they wrong? YES. Obviously. But it could have been something so much fucking more. Lavellan knows this. Or she should.

Now back to Effie. We know this about Solas, she does not. The thing is, the Mournwatch seems to respect the dead. And spirits. Maybe not all of them hold those views like a certain Mortalitisi but I'm going into this believing Effie certainly does, and I suspect Emmrich does too given Manfred. She believes when someone dies a spirit is shunted from the fade. If this is true? Effie will be furious at Solas for creating the Veil without a shred of thought for it just to use the spirits as an excuse to break it. He cares more about the spirits than people. His own people are just the exception but you can't threaten what he has and only accept some. I'm curious how this might play out, if it does at all.

His biggest aim was to lock away the gods, but it completely disrupted how Thedas now operates, including how it grew - and how some countries have zero information to work with because they fear the unknown. While some respect it, like Nevarra and Rivain. Even Avvar hold a huge respect for spirits. Effie see's it as part of the ecosystem, now - which might be a wrong thought to have but those spirits are now part of that and have been for long enough there will be a significant issue or problem if it's suddenly removed. And that's entirely Solas's doing. Maybe I'm wrong to believe there'll be an issue, a magic fix it seems anticlimactic when they've built up his whole scheme to be apocalyptic.

So, if he gets mad at how the Mournwatch find the spirits suitable bodies and handle the supernatural issues from said spirits going berserk, she's fully going to tell him he's the reason why they need to find them bodies in the first place and he doesn't get to judge or break it because it's hard to stomach. They do this so they DON'T turn into demons.

And that maybe there's some other way to fix it that doesn't involve shady ass schemes and with-holding vital information that could change how systems do teach these subjects. But I don't know. She loves spirits more than people, she appears apathetic to people but she doesn't want them to bloody explode or be ripped apart.

[fite-club]

The piss poor definitions of everything in the ace community lead to basically 90% of the world being able to identify as asexual. Asexuality is defined by deviance from the norm, but no one fucking knows what the norm is. If you have less sexual attraction than an 'allo' person, you're grey sexual. How much sexual attraction does an allo person have? Uhh no one knows. It's literally unquantifiable. There's no actual definition for 'allosexual' other than 'normal' or 'average' but then those words are never defined. So you just have to guess what the norm is based on the 3 people you're close enough with to talk about this philosophical stuff about attraction and hypersexualized media where everyone is fucking everyone because it makes for a good sitcom. It's genuinely impossible and that's why so many in the ace community are so confused about where they fall and so insecure about their identity because they're all just guessing.

And god, the label hopping. People find out they actually experience sexual attraction and the ace community does their best to keep them from going away, shoving microlabel after microlabel at them so they never think that maybe they're a dreaded allosexual after all.

one more thing. The ace community is so focused on separating itself from the rest of the world that they make everything more difficult for themselves. They do stuff to deliberately stand out, make awkward jokes about being too enlightened for sex (..while having regular sex half the time), make up weird relationship constructs and get upset that no one wants to be in them. They psych themselves out over feeling attraction and start acting extremely weird because tHatS wHaT tHe aLlOs dO. Plus the extremely unattractive ways they describe why they have sex and then they get upset that no one wants to date them because they say they see their partner as a flesh sex toy. Girl just be normal. Describe yourself as a low libido person and youll be fine i prommy.

that's what i meant by the ace community imploding by being too inclusive, they lost the plot as soon as the split attraction model entered the picture. the experiences of someone who is an "asexual" as in "aroace" as in "someone who wants platonic partnership only" are unique and are shared amongst other people of the same identity. when you open that up, though, suddenly there aren't those shared experiences, and those labels don't convey the same thing. there's no good reason why someone who wants sex would label themselves as asexual, just like there's no good reason why someone who wants sex with someone of the same gender would label themselves as straight. that kind of prescriptive "gatekeeping" is seen as evil by inclusionists but to exclusionists it's just basic reality. if a straight couple identifies as "demisexual", what makes their experiences different from a straight allosexual couple? the fact that neither of them were sexually attracted to each other at first really does not affect the material reality of their lives, to everyone else on earth they are a straight couple that has sex. but if you acknowledge that, you have to acknowledge that those people have privilege and are not lgbt, which ace inclusionists stubbornly refuse to do.

and yeah the worst part is all the teens who get stuck in an echo chamber of "aspec" people, their perception of how others experience attraction and relationships get so warped. like your classmates being awkward after you tell them "i have no interest in sex" isn't because they think you're messed up for being ace, it's because they didn't ask and most likely do not care. you may struggle with your own insecurities about being lonely but you can't just project them as if the norm is that being single is weird

[voltstone]

okay can i say a thing about esther in fics

So, this isn't something I loathe, or take great issue with, or anything, since I understand why this character is the way she is in a lot of fics, or any fandom interpretation. A lot of times, in fandoms, characters will change roles depending on the fanwork context. So if you want to explore a specific type of abuse with Enid, obviously Esther is going to fit that role.

I also have a lot to say with Murray, but I'll cool off with that for now. However, a lot of the same applies.

Anyway, I...do wish there was more nuance to Esther within the fandom? Or a better appreciation as to why she is a problem. Especially since she's a direct foil to Morticia, because both mothers ultimately have the same issue, it's just Morticia handles it with grace, and Esther doesn't.

Esther is an overbearing mother.

That is emotional abuse, which often stems from a genuine care for the child, but through a very warped perception that is so because of insecurity and/or entitlement.

I get it. I get why she's written to be physically abusive in a lot of fics, or do other things. It's a way to tell the stories people want to write, and I can't say that I won't be responsible for that. For context, the project I'm working on now has a lot of medical abuse where...it's really, really bad. Far worse than what's presumably in the show. And it's something done out of insecurity.

...can't really be a good judge of what or how I handle her, since I'm the writer of that. But. Whatever.

The point is, as someone whose personal experience with maternal abuse was never a physical one, and was purely emotional/mental, it does feel like a lot of the fandom doesn't understand how devastating those are, and equates physical abuse as...the worst kind. When in reality, they're not comparable, and it ultimately depends on the people involved. Some people can better defend themselves against mental abuse over physical, others it's the opposite.

And then you just have the additional context. Like what...is actually happening.

It's an oversimplification that I think really misses the point in trying to analyze what the show tries to say about Esther and Enid. Enid is a people pleaser. Enid does want to please her mom, but she acknowledges and pushes back against the pressure she's been put in. Very emotionally intelligent in that regard, probably because she had to be. And because she physically cannot wolf-out for the bulk of the show, Enid chooses to prioritize another thing that her mom may like: finding a "mate", of sorts. With or without a possible issue in comphet, this may be why Enid is so overbearing with Ajax. Because she's trying to compensate for not being able to frolic in the forest, beneath a full moon, as a saber dog thing.

Meanwhile, Esther is overbearing...because she is also compensating for something. When Esther hands Enid the pamphlet for summer conversion camps, she says outright that a cousin of Enid's had the same problem.

This is a familial issue. And may be indicative of something genetic: the Sinclairs, for whatever reason, have a predisposition for late-blooming. And Esther doesn't like it. Maybe because she's a late-bloomer herself, or, she saw what happened in older generations and wants to "save" Enid from it. By doing things potentially just as bad.

And she foils Morticia because Enid is not like her. The same way that Wednesday is not like Morticia. There's friction of interests. There's friction in communication, and in how to articulate love for each other.

However, Morticia actually accepts Wednesday. She doesn't understand her, but she tries. She leaves Thing to watch over her. Leaves the crystal ball. And leaves the necklace that Wednesday wears, because rather than physical touch, she doesn't mind the touch of cold obsidian. Ergo, by the time of season's end, Wednesday understands better how to communicate with her mother because her mother understands how to show her love. So she lets Morticia...kinda sorta embrace.

Esther meanwhile cannot get through to Enid because...she does not restrain herself. She's overbearing because she's being overruled by insecurity, and perhaps entitlement. There is an interesting implication with her wearing a wool vest--making her a literal wolf in sheep's clothing--, and that brings another layer of nuance.

And that's what...I really just want. I want more nuance and complexities than just "Esther evil. Esther hit Enid. Esther sell Enid off to be omega whore, or something."

So. Yeah.

I'mma go back to writing.

[rebouks]

Since Somnium is over, I figured a good ol' ramble was in order for anyone who might be interested.. ⚆_⚆

I thought it'd be fun to go over a few things I've wanted to talk about in more detail, as well as answer some questions you guys had and maybe to spill some bts tea?! We'll see...

Why does Oscar seem to bring out the best in the people around him?

A loaded question, and one that changes depending on the person in question; but to put it simply, he's relatable. The perfect acquaintance, Oscar's brash but not judgemental, he's easy-going, open enough, and to be perfectly honest, he doesn't give a shit what near strangers think about him. He doesn't lie to impress you, act differently or tiptoe around your opinions; he tells it how it is and he is what he is, like it or not. Perfectly flawed, self-assured (but also not..) and intelligent, he has no qualms about confronting you with your own flaws, but he's subtle about it, casual, intrigued even. He's on a quest to do better, so I think his determination can be infectious. He's not obnoxious about it though, if anything, his own struggles make him more approachable; anyone who spends even a small amount of time with him can easily tell that he's just as busy trying to pick up the pieces of his own life as well. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.. right?

Why did Cookie stick around, despite what Oscar put her through?

Alexa, play Hopelessly Devoted to You... Honestly, Courtney's relationship with Oscar hasn't always been the healthiest. Abandoned, neglected and failed by the system as a child, she's always been obsessed by the idea of a perfect family; and to her, Oscar was it. She fully believes that he's her soulmate, and she fully believes in him too. It would've been easy for Cookie to become bitter and cautious, but that's just not her. She's spontaneous, kind-hearted and deeply believes there's some good in everyone; perhaps naively so... Majorly infatuated with Oscar's energy and the life they could have together, she rarely doubted him, even if everyone around her was screaming otherwise. Part of the reason Oscar fell so hard for her in the first place was because she was the only person who really saw him for who he was and actively encouraged him to be that person. Sure, she didn't expect the journey to be quite so.. eventful, but she still knew he'd get there one day, and she wanted to be with him for that, no matter the cost.

What made Wyatt change his mind?

A tough question, to be honest. Wyatt's well aware that his perception of life has been warped by the world he was brought up in; but never before did he think to question it. His focus for most of his existence has been to impress his father; but after realising just how close Oscar had gotten to toppling that house of cards, he began to wonder.. why? If Arturo's empire collapsed beneath him, would Wyatt still want to impress him? He realised the answer was no. He realised he didn't care about his father as a person, he didn't care about his brother, nor about the success, or the money, so what was the point? It didn't help that Arturo seemed so enamoured with Oscar either, but despite how it may have seemed, Wyatt didn't blame Oscar. Instead, he decided he'd rather get revenge on the father that failed him. Courtney got under his skin too, not because he was particularly jealous of Oscar, but because she was the first person he could remember that actually wanted to talk to him.. just because. Maybe it wasn't the real him, and maybe she was just being nice, but it still struck a cord. Wyatt's least favourite thing about himself is how he reacts without thinking; or if he does, his mind usually jumps to "what's the most fucked up thing I can do to cause chaos here..?" He doesn't want to be like that though, and he doesn't understand why he isn't immediately repulsed by those thoughts. He's spent a good chunk of time trying to figure out why he's like that. When he found out Courtney was pregnant he actually felt bad. He clung onto that feeling like his life depended on it; a shred of raw emotion in a sea of hate. Maybe he wasn't who he thought he was after all? In the end, I think he realised he didn't want to be the villain anymore, and Oscar presented the perfect opportunity to act on that feeling...

Why didn't Wyatt, among others, end up in prison?

To keep it somewhat simple, I'll stick to three main reasons; timing, the lack of evidence, and Norma/Eugene knowing when to pick their battles. Arturo confronting Oscar and co. actually ended up doing them a favour. Though it might've played out differently if he hadn't taken that bullet to the head, so thanks Leah! Kian ended up in prison only because he stuck around and confessed, if he was smart like everyone else and left town/laid low, he probably would've been fine. Because (hi, timing!) by the time Norma/Eugene really honed in on Arturo's little empire, it'd already fallen apart. They'd questioned Spencer 'til they were blue in the face (to give him a tiny bit of credit, he's loyal and smart.. spilling anything about Arturo wouldn't have done him any favours, nor would it have kept him out of prison.. or made him feel too great about himself, so he kept quiet) Kaden, Joey, Wyatt and Darien all left town, and Oscar n' co. were busy being all "boring" and shit. They knew what they were dealing with though, hence putting eyes on the boys, but it didn't amount to anything; and although they knew that Oscar n' co. were involved, they had no hard evidence.. "so and so said he did this" or "we know they were involved but we can't back it up with any hard evidence" doesn't hold up well in court. No one was willing to rat on anyone else, no one was up to no good, half of them were missing; it was clear to them (after many, many years in the business) that no one was coming to take over, and that business wasn't about to continue as usual under a new "leader". So instead, they picked their battles; shutting down the drug smuggling operations abroad, and tackling the likely still operating trafficking ring. Also, Norma really believes in people, despite her career choice. She's more than willing to trust her gut and give the good folk the benefit of the doubt. She can tell a bad apple from the bunch, and the boys weren't it.

As an author's side note, I always knew I didn't want Bruno to end up in prison again, which is half the reason Wyatt isn't in prison either. Their parallels are pretty strong (except personality ofc) as Cookie pointed out! So, either they both went to jail, or neither of 'em did. I chose the latter, just because..

Q&A time!

Was Leah's end caused by her inner contradictions?

Hm, I think Leah met her end due to apathy, the belief that justice would eventually run it's course with or without her, and a morbid sense of.. just wanting to see what would happen? She could've left if she really wanted to, and although she still felt loyal enough to Kian not to help the boys, she kinda wanted to see them succeed from the side-lines, despite the risk. Depressed and suicidal, Leah didn't care what happened to her. I didn't really plan another ending for her tbh, but if she didn't die she would've stuck around, maybe visited the boys now n' then, maybe even Kian. She would've forever felt empty and unable to move on though I think, so maybe she's better off...

Did I ever want to give Ivan & Matilda another chance?

Aha! Honestly, no.. I think like Tilda, I felt it'd run it's course. We didn't see ofc, but the pair had been on again off again for years so it's probably the millionth time they've broken up lmaoo.. I like to think they both realised they just weren't meant to be :')

Did I ever think about killing Courtney off again?

Sometimes, but I think Oscar would've been so broken and idk if he would've succeeded otherwise, which was the whole point of the story I suppose.

What would an unhappy ending for Somnium look like?

Well, I guess Cookie would be dead.. Oscar would still be heavily addicted to various substances/estranged from his family. Ivan would've died, Bruno would be in prison, Leah would still be stuck with Kian, Wyatt would never have regained his tiny amount of humanity, Artie n' co. would've somehow gotten away with everything or put the blame on someone else and be sunning it up in Sulani or wherever... It doesn't bear thinking about really, does it? ◉_◉

Did I ever plan on killing Bruno?

I briefly considered him getting shot by Arturo instead of Ivan and his dying as a result of that, buuut.. I don't think his death would've affected much (despite Ivan being heartbroken ofc) or furthered the plot in any way, so I didn't see the point.

What happened to the workers of Lucie's?

Those who didn't really know much would've probably been like, ffs I gotta find another gig now? LAME! But most of 'em have just moved on, counting themselves lucky they weren't "chosen".

Will we see Rickey & Pat again?

Maybe. It's a shame they lost touch, but I wanted to show a clear fork in the road for Oscar and what he gave up by sticking around/falling down the rabbit hole. To be fair as well, Rickey & Oscar never had much in common other than a love of computers and the amount of drugs they could consume in one sitting. Sometimes best friends drift apart, y'know? And that's okay!

Did I think about redeeming Arturo? Would he have let the boys go, if they'd asked?

Yes and.. maybe. He was genuinely fond of Oscar, and he thought of Bruno as a son in his own way too. The guy had taken him under his wing over a decade ago, he was gutted when he found out B was in on it. Artie wanted to kill him though, and he was going to.. and if Leah didn't kill him, we would've seen that he couldn't actually pull the trigger :') It was too late for him, but he would've considered taking the fall for his boys, like he said he would. Although.. Riona might've killed him or gone on her own rampage at that point so maybe it's a good thing he died after all LOL

What's Bruno's story?

It's a short story, to be honest. Directionless and troubled, he fell into the wrong crowd after his school years; winding up in prison following an "armed" robbery gone wrong. He met even worse types inside, and upon leaving, was taken under Arturo's wing.

What was it about Bruno that finally caused Ivan to accept his sexuality?

Nothing in particular, I don't think. Ivan had known he was bi since high school, but he'd never really developed strong feelings for another man. He figured he was just "kinda bi" and mostly liked women, which suited him fine; his father's homophobia left him feeling ashamed about that side of himself, so it was "natural" for him to ignore it. Except it wasn't, and he fell in love :')

Did Oscar tell Ivan/Bruno about Wyatt's visit?

Nope, him and Cookie have kept that to themselves. They might bring it up if anyone asks, but he's gone now, so what's the point in stressing them about it?

Who was supposed to die but lived/live but die?

Well, y'all know I barely plan shit so nothing was set in stone lmaooo.. Ivan was supposed to die though tbh, but I kinda thought that Oscar didn't deserve to be punished anymore (for being the reason Ivan stayed) and I'd grown attached to him, so I let the dice decide for me as a "last chance" type thing. Arturo wasn't always supposed to die either... Idk this question is hard to answer cos I never planned anything out properly ahahakdjksj

Was the wedding (and Robin) the original end game or did that evolve through character growth?

Um I had no end game until the end sdkjsdkj.. but I knew I wanted Oscar to have a happy ending, and that him n' Cookie would end up together too. Robin was a happy accident thanks to wicked whims, but I knew they'd end up having lots of kiddos and although the timing was bad for poor Cookie, in terms of their ages/the timeline for my future plans, it worked well so I just went with it. It took me a long time to figure out what the end would be, but as ever, I naturally came to the conclusion along with the story. Everyone got a bit of a wrap up arc in the last chapter, which I think set the stage for a happy ending quite nicely.

What three characters do I consider the most evil/irredeemable?

Riona. Not a maternal bone in her body; she's cold, calculating and headstrong, she'll mow down anyone in her way without a second thought, and she'll enjoy it. Kian. I know we all kinda felt sorry for him in the end but make no mistake, he's a selfish man, undeserving of such sympathy! He may not have wanted to take over the family business, but he didn't see anything wrong with it, nor was he glad it was over. When shit hit the fan, all he could think about was that he didn't want to go to prison, he didn't consider anyone else's situation or how they might feel, not even Leah. The only reason he handed himself over was because he didn't want to deal with the guilt of ignoring Leah's last wish, not because he actually thought it was the right thing to do. Killing Riona wasn't even for Leah's sake either, he did that because she goaded him, because she insulted him. Last of all, he didn't give up Wyatt because he didn't want to deal with his wrath once he found out, not because he feels particularly loyal to him; I actually think he probably dislikes Wyatt even more now. He's an entitled asshole of a daddy's boy, basically. Ashton. His only regret is that he got caught, he doesn't care about the people who've suffered due to his actions, nor will he ever change. All he cares about is power and money. He comes across as friendly and amenable, but only if you're useful to him, or he owes you something. Prison will not affect his morals in the slightest.. in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he's already running some kind of protection ring in there by now.

What planned romances were discarded/which romantic pairings too you by surprise?

The beauty of my complete disregard for planning is that these guys tend to half write themselves lmaooo.. Rhys & Tommy took me by surprise tbh, but they kept gravitating toward each other behind the scenes and even started flirting by themselves so I was like.. okay! Similarly with Bruno/Ivan to be honest. I always had in mind that Bruno would develop a bit of a thing for Ivan but I didn't necessarily plan it as mutually romantic to begin with, more that he'd just be quite protective of Ivan, or that he'd be an unrequited love. As Ivan began working on himself though, it became clear to me that he was much more comfortable with himself, which led to his openness in actually considering more than a friendship between the two. Though I did think it was a bit of a shame him and Mia weren't compatible for a while, but they make better besties anyway. I also considered Ivan ending up with his one night stand, Jessie; but he was already in love with Bruno at that point and she didn't seem interested so.. no. I briefly wanted Courtney to end up with someone else for a while, someone who was "perfect" but didn't have the same spark as Oscar. I realised that she didn't need that to come to the conclusion that he was "it" for her though, so I scrapped the idea.

Phew.. if you read all that you deserve a whole tray of cookies! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

It's super fun to delve into this kinda stuff though, so feel free to ask more questions if you want! Now that I've got my main ramblings out of the way, I'd like to work on another rambly post outlining my plans/ideas for the future so.. that'll be coming soon-ish, life permitting! I'm kinda bummed that Somnium is over but I'm suuuper glad the big plot stuff is out of the way, I've been having fun setting up a new save and thinking up a vague direction I want to go in. It makes me sad not being able to share any of it yet though, so I wanna get an announcement out asap! That way I can get the opening "scenes" out of the way and be able to share bloopers n' such again!

As a treat for reading this far, the name of my new "story not story" will be: Forever In Between 🤭 I really hope there's no other stories on here called that tho kdskjdk

[thebrightestlodge]

I'm currently watching Mandy because I recall you really liked it, and it's so cool to recognize so many details I find in your art and Godcleaver! It makes it even more interesting! If you feel inspired to say some things that you found particularly inspiring, I do want to hear! But you don't have to! I just wanted to thank you for making me discover this movie!

I must warn, it isn't even a "I really like it". It's a "rewired me on a level to the point of it's jsut my world". I'm glad it can be recognized as a huge influence! It's my fav movie so it's very near and dear to me, I have two old art pieces for it I did even (I might recolour the first pic and redraw the second). I'm glad you discovered it! It's really underrated for sure.

As for inspiration? Putting it under a read more because it will be insanely rambling and spoilers but know this is like ...a movie that is so important to me and IS me

There's a lot to the film that really speaks to what you see in my art. Music being it's own breathing heaving beast, a silent participant in the plot. The use of violent visceral colours like I'm staring at a bruise under blacklight that scratches such specific parts of the brain that frames this in an alien way, even if it's "the real world". Characters not being bad got being rightously angry and it drives them to the point of frenzy.

Dead wife/sad man stories are incredibly boring but something about this really spins the framing to the point I wouldn't even say it's one of those movies. Mandy is so fleshed out and important. We know who she is, we know she's had an incredibly horrible life before we met her/she met Red, but even with it, we see the sort of quiet cool person she is. She's someone we want to know. Dead partners in movies are so bland that we really in a way can't figure why we want to avenge them. We FEEL for her, we know who she is so the weight of her dead hits harder than anything. The death scene is incredible too, where it's jsut the throbbing synth, no sounds beyond that. We the the sleeping bag shaking and thrashing and we know what's happening, but nothing is ever exploitative on her part. We view the scene through the spectators and all their winding emotions, from Red's horror, the cultist's glee, the young girl, and Jeremiah's silent anguish and hate.

Mandy's dream sequence and the scene of ehr and Red talking of the starlings, another visit into these characters worlds, says so much without forcing a backstory. Red is almost an interesting foil here. We have just enought to figure what sort of character he is. He maybe was military/para-military and he has a drinking issue (by the scenes of him refusing a beer and him looking in the bathroom for a secret vodka bottle). He's a blank enough slate though that it let's us get to be the ones to experience Mandy. He truly loves and cares for her and we get to feel it because in how he is written and how scenes between them are shot, we ARE Red, with our own issues brought in.

Now to the meat of this situation. Mandy's death really is what makes the movie special because in how it's written and even stated by Panos Cosmatos himself, she IS the film. When Mandy dies, we no longer exist in our world. Mandy has moved into a another plane. She is Galactus and has devoured our world and we live in hers. The movie's sharp grinding as we start to peak into the phantasmagorical horror shifts because Mandy is being affected. When she gets high, everything is warped. When she dies, plots are set in motion.

My aggressive belief is when Red tastes the Biker's swill, Mandy takes him over. Not to say Red wasn't first motivated in revenge! He's the one to seek out his old friend and his weapon, he forges The Beast, he drives out to fight the bikers. We see though in the face of all this, he's jsut so emotional about it. His haunting response after Mandy dies, stumbling into the house and then the howling and chugging in the bathroom. When he's chained up and nailed to the floor in the house the bikers take over, he's jsut sobbing. Even fighting those two bikers, he all mania and emotion tearing them up. The moment he tastes the swill though? Something shifts. When he faces the main biker, there's no emotion, jsut quiet stalking, until the mention of "SHE'S ...STILL ...BURNING!"

Theory continues, we see Mandy in visions from Red, these nightmare shots of her rotting away, her adrift in the lake we see them in in the beginning, and extracting a jewel from an animal's corpse. It's like she speaks from whatever void she has now taken. The book Mandy reads is made for the movie, BUT I managed to track the fake cover. A story of a man stealing the power of witches stolen from a she-wyrm. A lone female warrior trudges to stop him. Fits the theory enough. When Red finds the Chemist, inferred to the the creator of the sludge, the way he speaks to Red is interesting. We don't have enough fo Red's character to know, but we have enough of Mandy's to make this scene interesting.

Chemist: Jovan Warrior, sent forth from the eye of the storm

-Mandy mentions in the beginning of her favourite planet being Jupiter, especially because of the eternal storms. Jove was one of the many names of the Roman god Jupiter.

Chemist: Oh man, they wronged you! Why they gotta be like that? You exude a cosmic darkness ...

-This is definitely inference because, as said, it's not like Red can't experience this, but it's so pointed. Mandy, destroyed by this cult that saw something in her, and the starling story, and the dream of the dead deer fetus. Something in her sits, dark and heavy, like the music tracks.

Red does not speak this whole time, but the Chemist talks as if there's conversation. The Chemist, so shot into another existence, maybe he IS talking with Mandy, on another level we can't comprehend. He sees the folding of worlds

When we go to find the cultists, another interesting thing comes up. The one cultist who never really comes off as feeling purposeful and involved is the young girl. The one who is willing to let Jeremiah blow her head off, the one he calls for after being upset about seeing Mandy. When Red kills Swan, the girl just watches. Mandy did see her there and maybe a kindred spirit of sorts, two people violently affected by events then and now in their lives. Maybe it's because she wasn't as malicious, who knows. Maybe it's Mandy who spares.

And finally, the last confrontation ...

In a way, I think Mandy killed Jeremiah first. His seduction and obsession, trying to impress her. Mandy is sent ROCKETING with how high she is and the scene where he speaks with ehr, their faces constantly melded, some sort of different thing is happening. Sure it's style for the movie and perhaps I can't put into words, but "You're a special one, Mandy" has meaning here. When he finally sheds his coat and is front of her, naked and showing her whatever he thinks passes for the divine, she laughs. It's a chuckle into a laugh into a cackling furious howl, ebcause we're seeing she's knowing she's pissing him off ow. This moment, he's crushed in front of his constant followers. He's embarrassed. In the spirit, I think he dies here, it's the first time someone tells him no and ridicules him.

In our final confrontation, it's the first time since the sludge, we hear him speak. A garbled, laid-over second voice

"The psychotic drowns ...while the mystic swims ...

You're drowning. I'm swimming."

When ahd our last Mandy dream already happen. Mandy taking a jewel from some great beast. This is the final act of revenge, killing the last monster. Jeremiah's desperation to make it up, but there's no emotion facing this, no mania or sadness. Red crushes his head, the garbling speaking

"I am your god now"

The movie ends with Red driving off. We see Mandy next to him in the Camaro and we see a vision. A shot of teh first time they met. And with all we know and all we've seen, this is finally the end. The manic iconic grin of Red looking to her as we driveoff into this alien fantasy landscape. The final bit of the film stating they are reborn into this carnal new world. They become one here finally.

And I mean, you can add your trans narratives in here, or even just state they are trans. Something about the total take of bodies, two sharing in one body, being whatever you choose to headcanon them as. I don't remember the thoughts I had on this, will edit when I remember, but I think it's a very trans film.

We're swallowed into this world of Mandy's. I know Red wears the Tiger shirt but I think Lizzie represents Mandy more. The tiger set loose into the Pacific Northwest is jsut what it is. We're watching her and Red's love become one huge angry beast, their love isn't corrupted. A frenzy and compassion and caring between two broken people that becomes so ravenous after this trauma, it takes chunks out of this world and rebuilds it, sharpens its fangs so it can devour the violators who encroached. A winding grizzled thing that pulses like the beatof the soundtrack. I jsut think it's a cool movie, sorry for any tangents or my being incoherent when talking about it.

Stream this, sound of the summer

[anonzentimes]

Chiaki to me is kind of an odd character in that I think she actually has good potential, especially in possible interactions with Nagito (seriously, Komanami is probably the ONLY really great Chiaki ship in my eyes). I've seen some great fanfics that play around with her. Especially ones that explore a Despair!Chiaki. But canon just...doesn't really do a great job with her.

In fact I actually find her role kind of detrimental, in that it almost vindicates elements of Nagito's worldview. With her being an angelic embodiment of hope. Which is just...not a very healthy way to present a character in my eyes.

To go back to that stuff about Despair!Chiaki, a really neat interaction that a writer friend is considering implementing into an AU is her and Nagito talking after being rehabilitated. And her admitting that the embodiment of hope he was desperate for was something she could never be. Chiaki says something like "I guess...I'm sorry I could only ever be a girl, Nagito.". To which he responds "...And I'm sorry that wasn't enough for me."

hmm, If I'm very honest I don't ship any mlw ships with Nagito lol! It's mostly because I think the idea of Junko finding a gay man who's lonely, terminally ill, traumatized, and desperate for someone to love him, then exploiting and warping his affection, one of the only things that remains healthy about him, warping it to where he can't understand his own sexuality anymore is pretty brutal. Nagito loving despair is something he can accept, but loving Junko is so fundamentally mind boggling that he goes spiraling when he thinks about it. The idea of Junko convincing a gay man he loves her and robbing an important part of himself from him is super interesting. Also just him never really showing any interest in a woman but showing interest in hajime and Izuru gives that impression. But don't let me discourage you that's just my opinion! His sexuality is not confirmed in any way and that is my interpretation. Just wanted to touch upon that to give insight on what I think just in case it makes me sound too biased at any point in this discussion.

I think making Chiaki real and using her again plot wise to use the same strong suit of her character, empathy, can be seen as a little clumsy. Although I do thoroughly enjoy the fact that Hajime heard her advice but only truly understood it in Danganronpa 2 after she was gone. It's really tragic and I enjoy that Ai Chiaki and Real life Chiaki are indeed different. It's a little indecent but I enjoy the story of the franchise overall.

If I'm honest I think a lot of things about hope's peak in general are detrimental to Nagito because his world view is specifically influenced by Hope's peak. Nagito believes Chiaki is an "embodiment of hope" for the class and likes her status and impact on everyone. Junko sees her the same way and wants to crush that so called hope to create despair for the class! I think that all makes sense and is decently done considering the characters and world. It's important to remember hope is practically absolute good, and Chiaki was just an absolutely good person to the class and when that's lost it creates despair. Even those who she wasn't really That close with, like Nagito, respected her and her impact a lot! Enough to be devastated and have the brainwashing work more.

Chiaki serves a purpose and I think criticism with the fact that she mostly is there to be the support role and impact for everyone else is absolutely valid. My only personal criticism is I'd like to have seen the different ways the class cared for Chiaki, basically just how close each person individually was with her. I'd like to have seen more of their hangouts to know that, but I understand it's an anime recapping a story with limited time. They spend episodes expressing how much they all cared but not how personally close they were, so the fact all of them cared so much isn't entirely sold for a lot of people including me at first. You kind of have to infer a lot which is a little sad? It's for a lack of words a missed opportunity I think.

Fanfics do a really good job at showing those things the anime misses about real life Chiaki, and honestly overall I'd say Chiaki is most often well characterized in fanfics! I think a despair Chiaki is an interesting idea too like you said, you'd have to explain how they became despairs without her though. But fanfics are all about being creative and it's an au in the first place so I'm sure people can figure it out and have fun! All of it is interesting fun ideas and I'm glad you and your writer friend are having fun and enjoy the ship.

I do think the dialogue they've come up with is pretty interesting and a cool approach to an au like that. "...And I'm sorry that wasn't enough for me," feels a little odd for him to say to me at least? I mean, I definitely don't know the direction or the entirety of the work that led to that interaction though of course, and I think it's definitely interesting dialogue, but for Nagito to say that feels a little off for me personally. Like, I think after rehabilitation supposedly it would go something like the Dangan Islands where he learns Hope was inside him all along through spending time with Hajime.

"You provoked the hope that was already inside all of our hearts Chiaki, and for that I am grateful. We all fell to despair, but the hope always wins, Right?" or something like that feels better to me personally but I'm just being silly and don't know the full context anyway

Thank you for your ask, please let me know if I misinterpreted anything you said and didn't respond accordingly, It was nice reading somebody else's take on things and trying to respond with mine as respectfully as I could <3