#having an eating diorder

[whispytears]

Self-identity with an Eating Disorder (2/7)

❓Question in Theme:

What does it actually mean to have an eating disorder? How does this change you?

✅Potential Answers to Ponder:

Being different

Needing to focus on what I eat more than the average person

Having a part of my life control my decisions sometimes/most times

Changes me by what outfits I want to wear

Changes me by how I socialize

Changes me by how I conduct day to day activities.

🌸What are some other statements that resonate with you?

~whispy

[serenaew]

Serena's Masterlist: Severitus

Last updated 28/12/2023

This includes works that are not explicitly Severitus, but Harry & Snape gen.

Overview

Meta:

Interview on the Fanfic Maverick Podcast, 2nd half

Series:

Forget Me Not Universe (WIP):

Ouroboros in Tribute (T, complete)

it is time (for it to be time) (M, WIP: 1/5)

Unforgiven, unforgotten (T, complete, only available on P&S for the time being )

Christmas in Limbo Universe:

Christmas in Limbo (M, WIP: 3/7)

As they meet (T, complete)

Pomelo universe:

A small step for a boy (G, complete)

One-Shots:

Portrait of a Swan (T, complete, only available on P&S)

Withered Flowers (T, complete)

The Curse of Halloween (T, complete)

Podfic and filk:

[Fic & Podfic] Surrender (M, complete)

[Fic & Podfic] Reconditioning (T, complete)

[Podfic] Quidditch and Quietude (G, complete)

[Podfic] Stolen Years Lost (G, complete)

[Podfic] Cinnamon Rolls (G, complete)

Loose poetry:

Late Reflections (T, complete)

Expand for more details on individual elements.

Details

Series:

Forget Me Not Universe:

In which Severus Snape finds out that Harry Potter, presumed dead, has been his son all along.

Inspired by lesyeuxverts' like poppy and memory.

Ouroboros in Tribute (T, complete)

Summary: Blood, I have learnt, is thicker than water. - The life of a fallen Prince, as remembered by the father he had never known. Additional Tags/Warnings: Poetry, Sonnets, Podfic, Severus Snape is Harry Potter's biological father, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt No Comfort, Implied Character Death

it is time (for it to be time) (M, WIP: 1/5)

Summary: Severus Snape never expected to survive the war. But here he is, one year after the Dark Lord's final defeat - one year after Harry Potter's disappearance, presumed death. As the boy's Last Will and Testament is released, Severus finds himself facing the gravity of his actions, in the form of the secrets hidden inside a cherry-wood box, and scribbled across a leatherbound journal. Additional Tags/Warnings: Emotional Hurt no Comfort, Canon divergence, implied MCD, ritual magic, non-linear narrative, five stages of grief

Unforgiven, unforgotten (T, complete, only available on P&S)

Summary: He does not expect to be forgiven; he vows to never forget. Additional Tags/Warnings: Implied Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt No Comfort

Christmas in Limbo Universe:

To put it in the words of my beta: What if Nagini, not Harry, got all the plot armour when she captured Harry in Godric's Hollow?

Christmas in Limbo (M, WIP: 3/7)

Summary: Christmas Eve 1997. All is not well. Harry Potter's successful capture by Nagini in Godric's Hollow prompts some divine intervention and leads to astonishing revelations. Additional Tags/Warnings: Canonical Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Temporary Character Death, Implied Dissociation, Canon Divergence - Book 7, Afterlife - sort of, Time Travel, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Lily meddles from beyond, Alternate Universe - A Christmas Carol Fusion

As they meet (T, complete)

Summary: Companion poem for Christmas in Limbo. Additional Tags/Warnings: Poetry

Pomelo universe:

A Severitus six-shot where pomelos make regular appearances.

A small step for a boy (G, complete)

Summary: After having been rescued from the Dursleys, Harry continues to struggle with eating; and Severus struggles with watching Harry struggle - until a pomelo comes along. Additional Tags/Warnings: Kidfic, domestic fluff with a sprinkle of angst, eating diorder, pomelo, hopeful ending

One-shots:

Portrait of a Swan (T, complete, only available on P&S)

Summary: Harry talks to Snape's Portrait after the events in Ugly Duckling. Additional Tags/Warnings: Referenced Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-epilogue, bittersweet inspired by Morgana's Ugly Duckling.

Withered Flowers (T, complete)

Summary: The meaning of flowers, past, present and future. In remembrance of Severus and Lily. Additional Tags/Warnings: Referenced Character Death, Classical Music, Songfic, Making Peace With Canon, Afterlife

The Curse of Halloween (T, complete)

Summary: Every Halloween was cursed with new nightmares. This year was no different. Additional Tags / Warnings: Halloween, Masquerade, bad memories, panic attack, hopeful ending

Podfic and filk:

[Fic & Podfic] Surrender (M, Severus & Harry, complete)

Summary: Harry ends his life within the Veil after losing Sirius, and Severus spends every day visiting, wondering if he should follow. Additional Tags/Warnings: Suicidal Idealation, Depression, Referenced Character Death, Bible Quotes

[Fic & Podfic] Reconditioning (T, pre-Severitus, complete)

Summary: Harry has gained an unexpected interest in potions, but that does not stop him from blowing cauldrons. To counter that, Harry throws himself headfirst in studying the theory. Ironically, he just keeps getting worse, and Harry can't figure out why. Umbridge is another obstacle, as is Professor Snape. Or is he? Additional Tags/Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Potions, Occlumency, Angst, Pre-Severitus

[Podfic] Quidditch and Quietude (G, complete)

Summary: Harry is looking for some peace and quiet after a rough quidditch match. He knows just where to go. Assume established severitus. 6th year-ish. Podfic of Quidditch and Quietude by Ttime42. Additional Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Autumn

[Podfic] Stolen Years Lost (G, complete)

Summary: What could he say? Severus was gone, and now Harry would never see the light at the end of those tunnels again. Podfic of Stolen Years Lost by BinteMuhammad. Additional Tags/Warnings: Major Character Death, Post-Canon, Auror Harry Potter, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning

[Podfic] Cinnamon Rolls (G, complete)

Summary: Eileen takes Sev and Harry shopping at the market. Podfic of Cinnamon Rolls by WiCeBa. Additional Tags / Warnings: Family Dynamics, Referenced Child Abuse, Mostly fluff, some difficult memories

Loose poetry:

Late Reflections (T, complete)

Summary: All was said and done. Reflecting on what was, and what could have been. Additional Tags/Warnings: Poetry, Hurt no Comfort, Religious imagery and Symbolism

[queen-of-paradise]

my god.

heartstopper four just emotionally destroyed me.

i relate to nick so bad in it and its so sad. someone close having a really bad eating diorder? check. having someone really close self harm? check. having said really close person end up in the hospital and the psyciatrich ward? check. i feel for nick in this and he was so perfect through-out all of it and i absolutely love how it was portrayed through both nick and charlie. yes, everyone's expirience is different but heartstopper captured the issue so well.

[fahr-rose-mike]

I struggle with eating all the time. I worry constantly about falling into diordered states... worse or more damaging than the ones I already have. the internalized hate is real.

SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!

This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy

Or buy a digital PDF here: https://abbyhoward.itch.io/unhealthy

[friendofflowersandfrogs]

Hmmmm I realize constantly telling myself "starve, you little weakling," whenever I get hungry may qualify as a symptom of an eating disorder....

[its-my-mental-breakdown]

yea im just gona post some ranting talk on here. -adrian/nova do what ever you want with it (tw: eating diorders, self hate, past relationship trauma, mental heath issues)

i dint fucking know howto fucking stop ive ate some thing but then second it hits my stomach i have the urge to puke it the fuck up, so it either comes back up, or i make it come back up, i even try to not do it i try not to puke people have been like wtf bopi, you need to stop that its unhealthy and i say that id stop that id not do it no more but i do it over and over again and  i dont know how to stop i just keep oin making my self throw up, i just fucking puke after eating, i stoped fior a while but then it started up again i relaspe every time i cant stop it ive lost “so much weight”, as people say, but i havnt lost enough, i still am fat i may not be fat in others eyes anymore, but in mine i am fat and its like why cant i ever lose enough weight and its just ughhghhg why do i have to be so fucked up that i cant keep the words that were shoved down my throat by a person i dated about a year ago outa my head, and that  cant stop going back to tha same fucking copin mechs i had when we were dating bc he was toxic and abussive and ugh fuck it im wasting time on here -adrian/nova

[fincheska]

Appreciation post

I just wanted to take a minute to tell you all how much I appreciate and love my fiancé. I see quite a few posts where people talk about having to hide their eating disorder from their SO but my fiancé has known about my eating diorder ever since we started dating and he has been so understanding. He wants me to be happy so he will go out of his way to get my safe foods and he'll congratulate me on my weight loss. I know it sounds like he's enabling me but for me it's nice to not have to hide anything. Of course he doesn't agree with my UGW of 95lbs but if having him by my side supporting me means an UGW of 100lbs, I think that's a fair trade ❤

[tenmillionpoundsofsludge]

not to be all dramatic and say my parents are like 50% the cause of my eating disorder but, my parents are like 50% the cause of my eating diorder

like no one in this house eats regularly and i feel uncomfortable eating around them so i go like days without eating and then binge and purge and sneak and hide food. i havent eaten for 2 days and i was like “im thinking about making some eggs :)” and my moms like ew im sick and so im probably just not going to eat today bc my dad stays up until 3 in the morning in the kitchen eating food and taking up the entire kitchen half conscious like this is why im always sneaking food and hiding food and stashing food in places!!! like they cant be like “you have no reason to sneak food” while my moms like ew im so fat :( and shes like 90 pounds and only consumes liquids

[brookerecovers]

hey, if your diordered eating makes you suffer - which it obviously is - you should get help. theres no 'not sick enough' or not underweight enough. i'm sure you heard that a thousand times before, but you seem so nice i had the feeling to need to tell you again :) i would be so happy If i wouldnt have lost a severe amount of weight before i totally lost it and had to be forced into a hospital but would have turned myself in earlier. it's so hard to get back on track, start as soon as you can.

thank you ♥️ this is very kind and you are very right.... i do see a therapist for my ed, so i am getting help. it’s just a matter of whether or not i need a hloc (and feeling worthy of it)

[sastheforestspirit]

okay oversharing is strong I wanna talk more about my idk how to call it, food trauma? my problem with eating? eating diorder? idk

Disclaimer. I was never hungry. My mum was trying to get food as much as she could. And I had allways something to eat. I’m the oldest sister, my brothers are one year younger and eleven years younger than me. I don’t remeber if there was allways problem with food in my home. I mean I was pretty rich kiddo for idk 3 years of my live after my grandfather died and my father got money after him. But only 3 years, couse my father was already sick and irresponsible man. I’m not his age when this happend yet. But I know he wasn’t ‘young and stupid” since he was in his early 30/late 20 so IDK MAN, YOU WERE ADULT. 

But later? It was a problem with money in my house. I remember getting french toasts for dinner, couse there was only bread and eggs in the fridge. I remember how luxury it was when my grandmother was giving me sandwitch with ham AND cheese. I remember how I was loving the cheapest kind of ham from the grocery couse I didn’t know any better. I remember when at summer I was asking my mum for ice cream and she showed me empty wallet. Empty. She didn’t hide any money. She didn’t have it. 

I think that was my first time I got scared of our status. I’ve allways had some old clothes and no new toys, but I’ve learned to not care that much. I was a little jelly, when my friend got ‘My Scene’ doll for the first time, when all I had was 2-3 year old barbie dolls from the time we had money. I’ve learned how to saw to make my own barbie clothes. And my mum made me one dress. 

My brother was born. I was 11. I don’t remeber when it stared. But good quality food was in the house but it wasn’t for us. Yogurts? Milk? Fresh veggies? All for him, couse ‘he is small and his body needs it and he don’t understand’. I also remeber cleary when my mom told me “...I will never tell you to eating less veggies” I’m only guessing from my memory it was about “we don’t have money so you can’t eat that much fancy food, but you can eat as much veggies as you wanna”. Still better food was only for my brother. 

I’ve learned to steal. Really. I was stealing food. Not like because I was hungry for real, but to get something better like cookies or bar I’ve learned it best to steal it. Because I knew mom wouldn’t got it for me. I remeber she once stole teeth brush for my brother because those toddler’s teeth brushes was expensive. She showed me it’s okay to steal if you really, really need it. 

My brother got older and older. He was still getting better food than me. At one point fruits where only for him. Thanks to my sick father we were poorer and poorer. I didn’t had all the books for school and rest was 2nd handed. I was stealing from my mum, but I remeber it was little things for get a pack of chips or a bar. Finaly she made me stop stealing from the shops. At this point I was really sure we are too poor to ask for nice things. I didn’t tell her I dont have few books for school because I was feeling bad. 

I was sneaking at night to the kitchen to eat more sweets. I remeber she found me with nutella jar sitting on the floor and eating it with a spoon. 

My father got a job in Germany. He started to bring more sweets, moeny was in the house it was much better. Still there was more better food for my brother couse he started to be fussy about food, so whenver he wanted to eat something it was a miracle. Later he disapeard and we were poor again, but my mom got a job. We finaly had money every month and she could affort a little better things.

Now my brother is still fussy, and have a depression so I have to deal with him and his extra food. We are eating idk soup, he is getting pizza, we are having idk meat with potatos, he - fries and chicken etc. Often when I want to eat something I hear “who told you it’s for you? buy some for yourself” “why are you eating MY CHEESE”. It;s not at daily basic but it’s often enough. 

I’m crazy about fancy food. I love spoil myself with good warm food. I love making my self pancakes, fired egg, big full of igridiens sandwiches. Eating is now “if I deserve it” kind of thinking. Good comfort food it’s now a reward. So if I feel like I don’t desereve this fired egg I don’t eat at all. And when I desereve it I’m eating. 

There is now this kind of feeling guilty everytime I’m eating something better. Couse if it’s better my mum is complaing I’m over doing it, like I should eat regular sandwich, bread with ham, and not egg sandwich with estra cheese. 

Meanwhile my brother can eat two eggs at 23 because ‘he is not eating that much so good he is eating at least now”. He can order a pizza two times per week, and I can’t couse I should got myself sometihng more usefull and not spend money of spoiling myself.

Once he was going to make himself two eggs and asked me if I want some too and I replaied “I can’t I shouldn’t really I had one egg already this week” idk maybe i missed point here or i forgot about something. 

[bitchyfeminist]

hey! love ur blog:) i have always identified as a feminist, but lately i have felt like such a hypocrite. how can i encourage body positivity when i hate my own body? how can i protest againt the objectifycation of female body in the fashion industy when im starving myself to look like them? can i really be a feminist when i am suffering from an eating diorder?

Hi there! Thanks for liking my blog :) Honestly, I’ve had the same issues in the past. I’m two years into recovery from Anorexia. You can definitely be a feminist while suffering from an eating disorder. An eating disorder a disease that you can’t really help. I’ve been a feminist since before feminism was even common, and I developed Anorexia when I was fourteen. 

My advice to you is to try and overcome your eating disorder (I know it’s hard, but I believe in you!!) while continuing to protest objectification of the female body in the fashion industry. 

You can still be a feminist with an eating disorder. Your disease does not define you

[peachy--yy]

i have these thoughts, but do I have an eating diorder?