#having a crush is so devastating but so beautiful you guys

[steviewashere]

I don't know when I'll have the time to write this, but:

CW: Minor Mentions of Blood, Character Illness (Hanahaki), Use of Queer as a Slur

Hanahaki AU. Steve develops hanahaki over Eddie. It's not because, oh, Eddie's probably straight and doesn't know I'm into guys...

No, it's because, oh, Eddie doesn't want to be very close to me due to previous hangups he has.

Cut to Steve coughing up dark purple, almost black petals. Soft and wet and sticky to his fingers. Then, after some time, they become small buds. Small black rose buds with gentle, prickly thorns sprouting in his throat.

People around them find out quickly, very quickly, that Steve is experiencing Hanahaki. Everybody, sans Eddie himself, finds out they're related to Eddie—even as these black roses symbolize hatred, even as they come close to death and mourning in their meaning—they're still perfectly Eddie in color, shape, and beauty. Obviously, since nobody wants Steve to, y'know, die, they tell him to confess to Eddie.

However, Steve is faced with a secondary option at one of his doctor visits. A surgery. The petals can be removed, the thorns torn out and tossed, his lungs cleared...but his brain shocked empty of all traces of Eddie. All traces. He wouldn't know Eddie as he is now. He wouldn't know Eddie from when Dustin would ramble on and on and on about his new guy best friend. He wouldn't know Eddie as the mischievous troublemaker in high school.

And he especially wouldn't know Eddie as his childhood best friend that he drifted apart from many, many years ago. Nobody but them knows that part.

And soon, through decision, through the fear of death...Steve chooses to forget that part, too. He chooses to remove Eddie from his conscious. Every last part of him. With the decision made, the party members keep Eddie away, Robin goes through Steve's room and hides anything he has of Eddie's—including a little memory box of their childhood photographs, little trinkets he'd receive from Eddie, doodles and crushed flowers...crushed flowers that look similar to the ones Steve coughed up with a note attached to them: "For the prince to my prince. Mama said they're for royal people, and I thought they were beautiful. These are for you, because you're beautiful, too."

Steve kept all of it. Tucked neatly away for nobody but him to see. All these delicate, baby confessions of two queer kids in rural America, waiting for the right moment; though never getting that after a fall out in their relationship.

According to Eddie, the two drifted away due to rhetoric Steve's dad was spouting; rhetoric that was being passed on and spat right at Eddie's face from Steve's mouth. Even if he saw Steve change during and after Vecna, he'll always remember the last big fight in their friendship; the day he was called a queer.

When Eddie finds out, he's beyond devastated that Steve would make the choice to forget him. He gets it, Steve didn't want to die. He knows. But now he doesn't even have a spot in Steve's life? It cuts deep, it hurts.

He knows so much about Steve. Little details. Favorite things. Where his moles are. How he styles his hair. What he looked like before braces, before Tommy, before high school bullshit, before all the traumas. He knows who Steve really is, sweet and nurturing and nearly unbearably kind.

And now Steve doesn't know him. Doesn't love him.

He wishes he knew, because then they wouldn't be in this mess.

But Eddie gets to fall in love with Steve all over again. Shake his hand and introduce himself. Even though he wishes they could meet each other as kids, just like they did. Because Eddie remembers a dorky, geeky, self-conscious, timid little kid quietly asking him if they could play princes on the playground. And Steve remembers Eddie at twenty-one, full grown and stubborn; not the same shy kid, not the bubbly kid...just a man haunted.

But! Plot twist!!!

What if, yeah, Steve does forget Eddie...initially?

He meets Eddie again, for the first time. He gets to know Eddie. He begins a friendship with Eddie.

And then he begins getting these awful...awful migraines being around Eddie. Flashes of fractured, half-formed memories of some kid with big brown eyes and a shaved head, of a kid crouched down in wood chips trying to find a guitar pick he had dropped. Little glimpses of smiles: some with teeth missing, some with teeth growing back in, some with blood-stained lips, some with a blue tint. There's splintering voices, a little boy's and an older man's and a squeaky, pubescent voice—he hears his own name crackled around the edges, hears Prince Stevie cooed and King Steve snarled, soft words whispered through choking sobs and whip wild yelling.

He looks Eddie straight on at one point, his face open with concern, but all he sees is an angry, sobbing, red-faced, wet-faced little Eddie talking with Steve, "You think I'm...I'm a dirty queer? Why would you say that to me? No...no, Steve, keep your voice down, keep your voice"—and then, quieter, a whisper—"I thought I could trust you. I know I like boys, but that was a secret. You're an asshole, Steve. Go fuck yourself."

And when he blinks again, Eddie's concerned face staring back at him, all Steve does is cough and cough and cough. Eventually, he's hunched tight into himself and spitting directly into Eddie's palm. Out comes a fully formed black rose.

A bud that hadn't bloomed, that hadn't been removed. Sharp thorns and wet petals and an eye that swirls and swirls and swirls.

It all comes back to him, then, staring at that flower, floundering backwards, catching Eddie's eyes in a daze.

It all comes back to him.

How much he's always loved Eddie Munson.

Anyway, just like, a hanahaki surgery gone wrong, I guess. Like they all think it works until, y'know, it doesn't. They get close again and it floods back in. The very thing he tried to get away from.

I imagine that after Steve coughs up that fully formed rose, Eddie squishes it in his palm. The thorns cutting up his hand, the petals crushed between his fingers. And then he just...eats it. Like fully puts it on his tongue, chews it up between his teeth, and swallows the whole damn thing—yes, even the thorns. There's blood in his mouth, petals between his teeth, blood and drool on his hand.

And he lunges forward to grab Steve's face, to kiss him so roughly they could be devouring each other. And all they taste in each other are the bittersweet ghosts of black rose petals and the metallic harshness of one another's blood; Steve had hacked up blood, too, from the thorns cutting his throat.

And when they separate?

"You were the first boy I ever fell in love with," Eddie confesses, "you're the only boy I've ever loved. There's been nobody else in that place, Steve. Only you, after everything, have remained."

Okay. Now I'm done. I promise I'm done rambling. Would this be interesting as a fic? I don't know. It's fine.

[aqvilegias]

igor's face while the person he is slowly falling for is showing affection to someone else quite literally over him... let's keel ourselves

[lunajay33]

Why Me?

•🤎🐺🪵🍂🌑•

Summary: Bella and Y/n are twins but when Bella and Renee moved away you stayed with Charlie always growing closer with the people around La push, but when Bella comes back it’s like everything is flipped around, Bella becomes distant obsessed with the cullens, you find solace with the guys at the beach but things change after the first year and suddenly you’re all alone, will anyone come back, will Paul your best friend, your forever crush come save you from depression

Pairing: Paul Lahote x f!reader

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts

Part.2

•Masterlist•

It was a simple life in forks but I loved it this is where I’m meant to be, I can’t explain it but it calls to me, the rainy weather, the cool breeze, the calm beach at La push, even my group of friends made my life feel complete

Plus I had dad or as Bella called him, Charlie, after mom and Bella left when I was only 4 it was usually just the two of us, suppers out at the cafe or cozy nights at Jacob’s as they watched the game, I kept him a float after the devastating heart break even thought I was young, mom tried to take me with them the night everything happened but I held on to dad screaming for him to keep me, and here we are today just me and him it was perfect everything was exactly how it should be, then we got the call Bella was moving back I was nervous at first I haven’t seen her since she stopped visiting years ago

“I’ll be back later, be safe and if you go out leave a note okay sweetie?” Dad stated as he picked up the keys to his police cruiser

“Okay dad! Drive safe” we shared a hug before he left leaving me alone and anytime I was free I’d either walk through the forest behind my house or hang out at the beach with Paul or Jacob

I pulled on a coat and hiking boots heading to the over grown trees lining the backyard, the weather is not too cold but it’s still over cast, the trees are lined with a thick moss the ground littered with pine cones and varying animals tracks

Sometimes I’d find Paul trying to blow off steam out here so hopefully I’ll come across him today needing my best friend right now with all the stress I’ve been feeling about Bella’s return

After a bit more walking I heard groaning as I approached the cliff we sometimes would hang out on, I rounded a tree and saw Paul sitting there huffing and puffing, he’s always had anger issues growing up but I was always there for him and for some reason I was the only one to calm him down

Silently I sat next to him laying my head on his shoulder his arm instinctly wrapping around my waist quickly finding comfort in each others company

“Remember when we were nine and you were so angry that Jacob took my ice cream, you pushed him into a puddle and got me a new ice cream and I had to keep you calm away from Jake the rest of my party” I stated laughing remember how cute he was and that’s the day my crush on him started which grew over the years but I’d never tell him that, I can’t risk what I have with him

He sighed squeezing my hip his breathing calming down

“I couldn’t help it you were so excited all day for your ice cream and that look in your face when he took it mad me so mad, you know I hate seeing you upset”

“Don’t get soft on me Lahote” he huffed out a laugh

“What’s wrong Paul? Anything I can do to help?” I asked finally looking up at him

He looked hesitant his eyes looking anywhere but me, I drew my hand through his long beautiful black hair trying to ease his worries

“Just a lot lately, things with the older tribe members don’t worry about it, how about you Bella’s coming today you still nervous?”

“Yeah what if we’re not like how we were as kids, what if she doesn’t like me anymore I mean I know I can be a burden sometimes but I just want my sister”

“Hey what did I tell you about talking about yourself like that, she’s gonna love you and you’re not a burden why do you think the guys and everyone around you loves you?”

Sometimes when he’d get sweet talking like this it only made me love him more, feeling the blush spread across my cheeks I pushed his arm playfully trying to hide my feelings

“You’ll always be here for me right Paul, even when we both have stuff going on you’ll be here?” My hands fiddling together

“Always”

It’s been a week since Bella’s moved back and it’s been nice, we reconnected and talked before bed most nights just catching up on everything, and it was nice to have a friend at school now, I never really had friend at the forks school, I tried but no one ever bothered, plus all my friends down at La push is better than anyone here

Sitting at my usual lunch table by the windows I glance over seeing Bella with her whole new table of friends, she said she’d sit with me if it bothered me to be alone but I didn’t want to get in the way of her making new friends plus I saw how she’d rather be with them it was the perfect spot to look at the cullens, who she’d make goggly eyes at every lunch

But the day dragged on as usual but when that final bell rang I was free, I ran out the door heading straight to where Paul usually parked to pick me up but he wasn’t there which was strange he was never late

“Hey y/n do you need a ride?” Bella called from a few spots down waiting at her truck

“Oh ummm no I should be fine maybe he’s just running late” I waved her off just hoping he was okay

I sat on the stairs watching as the cars emptied the parking lot one by one till there was no one but me and the setting sun

I sighed realizing he wasn’t coming so I started walking home, once I got through the door I dialed Paul on the house phone my heart beating anxiously

The tones rang one after another but no answer so I called Jacob instead and of course he answered immediately

“Hello Black residence” his chipper voice always made me smile he was such a sweet guy

“Hi Jake it’s y/n Paul didn’t pick me up today and I was wondering do you know if he’s okay?”

“Oh no I haven’t heard…..” I heard a mumbled voice behind him then the voice changed

“Who is this?” And I recognized that voice it was Sam Uley

“Hey Sam it’s me y/n swan! Ummm sorry if I interrupted something I was just calling worried about Paul, have you seen him around?”

“Oh he’s gonna be under the weather for a while he’s caught a stomach bug, we don’t wanna risk you getting sick too”

“Can I visit just to drop off soup or something?” My heart ached knowing what he’d say

“I’m sorry honey not yet, it’ll be awhile just give him time”

“But……but he’s my best friend” my voice wavered haven’t never being apart from him for a long period of time there was this pull to him I always felt so being apart felt…….wrong

“Just give it time honey, I’ve gotta go, goodnight” and with that he hung up the phone felt heavy in my hand

I’ve seen Paul every day since he got his licence, he’s a year older so when he got it he promised to pick me up everyday to make sure I was safe, Bella can drive me now but it’s not the same after a long day I’d get in his truck and cuddle up to his side and drive down to the beach and relax

“Sweetie why are you crying?” Dad broke me out of my thoughts as he hung up the phone

“Oh it’s nothing just….pauls sick I’m just worried”

“That kid is strong he’ll be just fine” he smiled patting my shoulder before he got a soda from the fridge

The days dragged on and I thought he’d atleast pick up the phone when I called or even call me but nothing, not a word and now a month has gone by I thought I’d have Bella but she quickly became all involved with Edward Cullen, the older member of the tribe weren’t quite fond of their family they told me stories but I thought it was all just legends never thinking too much about them

So now without Bella and Paul I was alone, my world felt flipped upside down, everything use tk be perfect but now I felt ripped of who I was, I fell hollow, drained, the all crushing depression, I can’t sleep evident by the dark circles under my eyes, I can barely eat shown by the hollows covering my body and the clothes that hung on my body, I felt like I’m dying, I’m fading

I’ve never been through a break up but this can’t be how it feels this has to be something different, something more painful

School was like hell, even worse than before, Bella convinced me some days to sit with her and the cullens and Alice was always trying to cheer me up but nothing was ever permanent

I picked at my rice as Emmett bragged about how he beat Edward in a baseball game

“Still not feeling well?” Jasper asked next to me, the first time I’ve ever heard him speak

“I think somethings wrong with me, I think I’m dying” everyone stopped what they were talking about and eyes were on me but I didn’t care anymore

“Why would you say that y/n?” Alice spoke

I sighed excusing myself from the table walking away, they couldn’t understand but maybe the elders could, I called dad and he said he’d be at the school to pick me up seeing as work was going slow

A few minutes later the cruiser pulled up and I got in the front seat

“Sick again?” He asked worry written all over his face

I’ve been calling him to pick me up from school a lot, either from spells of nausea throwing up or just the overwhelming depression

“Can you take me to Emily’s?” She was like a aunt to me always so sweet and that’s what I needed right now

“Of course sweetie” the drive was silent until we pulled into the gravel drive way seeing Sam and Emily step out

“Try and relax okay, I’ll pick you up whenever you’d like just call” I managed a smile and got out seeing him drive away

I walked up the porch steps straight into Emily’s arms

“Oh honey what’s happened we haven’t seen you in so long” she said stepping back taking in my clearly broken and sick appearance, the baggy brown hoodie that use to fit relative tight and some ratty sweat pants, my hair pulled into two messy braids

“Somethings wrong Emily, I didn’t know who else to ask” finally letting the tears stream down my face, she squeezed my hands giving Sam a desperate look as she led me inside

I sat on the couch as she dropped a fluffy blanket over my legs telling Sam to make me a hot chocolate

“What’re you feeling hun? How did all this start” her voice always soothed me

“I can’t eat or sleep, I can’t feel it’s like I’m hollow inside and it hurts, not just emotionally I physically get sick all the time, dad brought me to the doctors and they say nothing is medically wrong” Sam placed the drink on the table infront of me and sat next to Emily on the couch across from me

“When did this all start?” He asked

“The day Paul left me, I know it sounds crazy but…….its likes a piece of me died when he stopped coming around” they looked at eachother with knowing looks

“You’re not crazy”

“Then what? Do you know what’s wrong with me?” I ask almost pleading

“I might, how about you and Emily catch up and rest, I’ll be back soon” and with that he left leaving me confused

The sun started setting and I didn’t want to bother Emily more that needed

“I think I’m gonna head home, thanks for having me today” I said pulling on my coat at the door

“Do you want me to call Charlie it’s a long walk hun”

“Oh no I’m…..I need some air I’ll be fine”

“Okay but be safe and call me when you get home so I know everything okay?”

“Okay Em” I faked a smile and left feeling the cool breeze hit me, but I lied theres no going home this time, I’m going to where I last had him, the cliffs

The walk was long and cold but when I finally made it the moon was shining bright over head, dropping to my knees I cried and cried until there was no more tears left

What was the point anymore he’s never coming back so this pain will never go away I feel like I’m fading away anyways

Standing up I neared the cliff edge the sea breeze blowing up from far below

“Maybe in another life I’ll find you Paul” then a quick breeze whooshed past my body opening my eyes I wasn’t at the cliff anymore but in the deep forest

Emmett Cullen right infront of me, confused and upset I step away crossing my arms over my chest

“Emmett why would you stop me, what’re you even doing here” I sigh wanting to just scream

“What the hell were you thinking, why would you try to kill yourself what about Bella what about Charlie?”

“It hurts so much Emmett can you just make it go away, I wanna be okay again”

“This isn’t suppose to happen to you, you’re suppose to be Bella’s sweet shy sister” he sighs pulling me into a tight cold hug, nothing like how it felt with Paul

“Not anymore Em”

“Do you wanna come over I can make you anything you want and I can make a cozy spot for you infront of the fire place”

“Oh I couldn’t impose like that”

“If Bella’s family now so are you” before I could agree a growl rumbled through the trees

Turning a grey wolf the size of a mini van emerged from the trees its eyes piercing at Emmett

“Emmett what do we do?” I ask scared gripping his arm

“Calm down you’ll be okay just trust me okay”

“O…okay” and the next second he was gone in the blink of an eye

He left me, I turn back to the wolf that no longer growled but was whining, getting closer it laid down infront of me nudging my leg with its snout, suddenly the fear dissapeared

I lean down and cautiously rubbed my hand through its soft fur hearing it grumble, sitting in front of it it moved forward laying its head across my lap completely covering it

“You’re quite beautiful, like a gentle giant” rubbing its fur helped sooth me bringing me back to reality of what I almost did tonight

“I can’t believe I almost ended it all tonight, he’ll come back to me soon right? I’ll be happy again someday won’t I?”

I licked at my hand whining

“He promised he wouldn’t leave me, he always said he’d protect me and he always made me happy I don’t know what to do without him”

The wolf got up motioning to get on it back and for some reason I didn’t think twice about it, hopping on I held onto its next as it made its way down the path back the way I came

Right back to Emily’s house

Part.2

Taglist: @lilredcamaro14 @cvmtitss @larissa01-blog2

[thefudge]

anora (2024) thoughts

aaaahhh, sean baker let me kiss you on the mouth. this film had so much personality and humanity. it's both very loud and very quiet. you not only come to root for the protagonist, anora, but you feel so fucking bad for her by the end. and it's a really complicated cocktail of emotions. because she's framed as both triumphant, yet utterly defeated, and the movie doesn't let you sit comfortably with either position. it paints this young girl with such bold colors, yet also shows you the tragedy of having a bright spark, fighting hard to keep it alive, and being crushed by the world around you anyway

and still the film leaves you with a hopeful note that sometimes, someone does notice you. someone, a really unexpected person, will appreciate you. which is why igor/anora!!!! is so good. i love that he's such a soft oddball, but with a hint of menace. and the fact that he's the side character/goon you don't expect to have depths or connect with the plucky protagonist but he doooes, and they work so well. i love that in the end, in a sort of twisted bittersweet way, anora does get her fairytale. there are references to cinderella, and anora dreams of having her honeymoon at disney. but her "prince" turns out to be the guy with the henchman name, and that's so beautiful to me lol. (he even literally gives her a ring at the end!! they were insane for that)

and they really hit those lil romance notes, because he is always quietly looking out for her, quietly brooding in the background, being sad/upset on her behalf, impressed by the way she fights, amused but also disconcerted and worried!! gah. when he tells the family they should apologize to her. ROMANCE.

also this movie is really funny, like verging on farce a couple of times, and it shifts tone all the time, but always sticks the landing, so that the last scene still feels both sweet and devastating even after all the laughs. go watch it!!!

[foreingersgod]

what about like a paige x reader like they met on vacation somewhere during a break and then they hooked up or something thinking they would never see eachother again but turns out reader is the new uconnwbb team manager

Naked in Manhattan . PB

pairing: paige bueckers x reader

synopsis: you were devastated to face the reality that you’d never get to see your one night stand while on vacation, but maybe the universe has other plans for you

new crush

high school love again

it was finally spring break. no more midterms or study sessions to worry about, just your feet in the sand and a drink in your hand. you and your roommates had planned a small trip to california to celebrate the hard work you’d all put in for the semester. nothing too extravagant, just a quaint beach house right off the coast to let all of your worries wash away.

it was beautiful, just big enough for the 4 of you. when you had arrived you were practically planning out everything you would be doing. a week of doing nothing but sitting on a soft towel, bathing in the sun, listening to the waves crash while you read your book sounded like heaven.

but your roommates had other plans for you. they had heard about a ‘beach bro party’, whatever the hell that was, that a local fraternity was throwing. anyone and every was was apparently invited. the second the raggedy flyer hit the cool marble counter tops of your air b&b, you knew any plans of relaxation were gone.

so there you were on your second night of vacation, crammed into the single bathroom with your roommates, doing your makeup and hair for this dumb party. if it weren’t for the girls begging you to come, you truly would have stayed behind. but they were too convincing and now you were here, shoving your boobs into the most uncomfortable bra known to man and dousing yourself in perfume.

after about 30 minutes at the frat party you were about ready to call it quits. the drinks were absolutely foul (you were sure it was straight acid) and the lights and heavy music were giving you a blaring headache. spring break was starting to feel less and less fun as you pretended to enjoy whatever the hell was going on in that house. you didn’t know anyone, your roommates had ditched you for some random frat guys, and you didn’t have the keys to get back home. in hopes that you could wait it out, you snuck off into a corner of the house, taking a seat on the cigarette smoke infused sofa.

you tried to distract yourself until at least one of your roommates was finished fucking around with a guy so you could leave. closing your eyes, fiddling with the frayed threads of your shorts, scrolling on your phone, nothing helped to kill the boredom. you were about ready to stand up and drag your friends out the door yourself until someone approached the couch, taking a seat next to you.

she had a drink in hand, half empty, still laughing about something someone shouted across the room. she was tall, blonde, and if you were being honest, smoking hot. you glanced at her briefly to try and study her face, trying not to make it too obvious. her hair was pulled back into a flattering ponytail, body clad in a black tshirt and jeans, teeth a sparkling white as you watched her smile and laugh. she was definitely your type.

but eventually, your stares began to linger a little bit too long and she caught you. her eyes meeting with yours just before you could turn away.

“you good?” she asked, setting her drink down the on coffee table.

“hm?” you asked, trying to sound oblivious “yea i’m fine”

“are you sure, cause you keep looking over here”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about” you felt her gaze linger on you, too nervous to make eye contact with her.

“yea,” she laughed, scoffing under her breath “sure you don’t”

“i’m serious, i think you’re a bit drunk cause i genuinely don’t”

“well i’m sober enough to know that you keep staring at me when im not looking soooo”

“why would i being staring at you, huh?” you retorted “a bit full of yourself?”

“maybe it’s because, i don’t know, you see something you like?” now she was just fucking with you. she had this stupid, lopsided grin on her face as she watched your jaw drop in offense.

“oh please”

“i don’t know,” she said “you hesitated there, think i’m right”

you resisted rolling your eyes “and so what? god forbid i look at an attractive woman? my bad”

“so you admit then?” she questioned “that’s why you were staring?”

“if that makes you feel better? then sure, yes that’s why i was staring” you bit your lip and watched as her tongue darted between her teeth, swiping her bottom lip. she eyed you up and down, eyes darkening.

“it actually does” she scooted closer to you, arm extending past you to lay across the back of the couch “what’s your name?”

“…YN” your breathe caught in your throat as her thigh came in contact with yours. “you?”

“paige”

The rush of slumber party kissing

somewhere in between the banter and the alcohol, paige’s tongue found its way down your throat. she had so politely invited you upstairs while her hands were already making their way up you shirt. you obliged and followed her upstairs to some abandoned bedroom while you tried to ignore the aching feeling between your legs.

the door gently clicked behind you as you shut it. when you turned around, paige was already pressing you against the wall. her lips finding their way to your neck and sucking lightly at the smooth skin. you audibly moaned, fingers automatically diving into her scalp and tugging lightly at her blonde locks.

you shuddered when you felt her fingers against the skin of your abdomen again, creeping their way up your shirt like they had previously. she stopped at the bottom of your bra as she pulled away from your neck.

“this ok?” she asked.

you hummed in response, nodding your head violently, taking her face in your hands to plant a passionate kiss on her lips. with little hesitation, she was already pulling your top over your head and unclasping your bra, hands desperately squeezing at your breasts as she backed you up towards the bed.

with lips still attached, the back of your knees hit the foot of the bed causing you to fall onto your back gently. paige followed and climbed atop your body, not letting her hands off of you.

out of breathe and wanting more, you pulled away, tugging at the bottom of her shirt. “can i?”

she didn’t need to hear anymore. the black piece of fabric was already being thrown to the floor, revealing her sports bra which you also tore off her. what a lovely sight to see, you thought.

not long after, both of your pants were discarded, then your panties, and then her boxers. she planted wet kisses down your abdomen, throwing your legs over her shoulders as she made herself comfortable between your thighs.

“is this crazy?” you panted. you managed to bite back a moan of pleasure to look down at her, seeing her look up at you with eyes blown with lust.

“maybe a little” she said “but i can’t help myself”

Don't touch, I'll never cross the line

So I pushed you down a million times

waves crashed against the shore outside, chatter of people walking by slithered past the window of this foreign room you were in. your head was throbbing as you rose from your slumber, you definitely had too much to drink.

shuffling sounded from the other side of the room, causing you to fully wake. you looked over, pulling up the sheets above your bare body, to see paige was already awake. she was almost completely dressed, buttoning up her pants and lacing up her sneakers.

“was i that bad?”

her head snapped in your direction, startled to hear your voice. part of her wanted you to say it again, liking the way the it groveled from the early hours of the morning.

“no” she laughed, offering a smile “you were amazing actually”

“you weren’t too bad yourself”

she was beginning to look around for her keys and wallet, seemingly ignoring you as you remained in bed, still naked and vulnerable.

your brain was screaming at you, begging you to call out to her. part of you wanted to ask for her number, ask for her to stay with you. but the other part of you knew what this was, this wasn’t a date or anything serious. sure, you had developed a liking to paige over the course of the night you spent together. how could you not? she absolutely worshipped you, made you erupt with pleasure, was so sweet to you. this wasn’t something you wanted to let go. but it was unrealistic, you lived miles away from here in another state and paige most definitely had her own things to worry about. pursuing her was not in your cards.

so you kept your mouth shut, watching her shove her keys into her pocket. you assumed she’d just walk out, mutter a goodbye and leave, but she paused and turned to you.

“i-uh, don’t normally do things like that” she said, trying not to look at the outline of your body beneath the duvet “but i wanted to say thanks. i know that that’s cringe, but it’s true. you were…unforgettable”

you could tell she was going through the same thing. mind swamped with conflicting emotions, wanting to stay to see how this played out but also forcing herself to be realistic.

“you too” you gave her a bittersweet smile.

she just nodded at you before heading to the door, fingers wrapping around the cold metal handle.

“bye, YN”

“bye, paige”

and just like that, she was gone. maybe in another lifetime you’d get more time.

I'd love if you knew you were on my mind

Constant like cicadas in the summertime

every since that morning, paige had invaded your thoughts. the remaining time you had on vacation was spent obsessing over what could have been, what might have happened if you just asked for her number. spring break didn’t even seem fun anymore. you didn’t join your friends as they explored the shops in the city or attend anymore parties they managed to scope out. instead you went to the beach, like you originally intended, letting your mind wander as you listened to the ocean. something in you wished that the nagging feeling would eventually go away.

it never did though. even after break was long over, all of you heading home and resuming your schoolwork, she was still on your mind. it made it difficult to do anything. getting homework done, attending lectures, going out on weekends. it was useless because all you could think about was paige. your heart ached as daydreams of her consumed you.

back at UCONN you were doing your best to keep motivated. trying to rid your mind of a foolish dream that you knew was never going to come true. you tried joining clubs and making new friends just to distract yourself. you had even gone so far as to get a new job for the university, taking on the position as the assist team manager for their women’s basketball team. it was a perfect match: you, someone with a general liking and background for basketball who needed to get her life back in order, and a team who was thriving and needed all the help they could get.

Boys suck and girls I've never tried

And we both know we're getting drunk tonight

you woke up at 6:00 am on the dot. it was going to be your first day on the job and you wouldn’t be caught looking unpresentable, so you made sure to give yourself time to get ready.

it was a lovely day as you stepped outside of your apartment building. birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the traffic was light enough that it didn’t give you a migraine. you made the decision to walk to work, let your thoughts dissipate as you tried to enjoy a relaxing morning.

the walk, like you had hoped, was freeing. you didn’t feel as anxious anymore as you walked into the building, ready to tackle the trials of the day. being the new girl, you had to go through all the new orientation material. get your ID picture taken, fill out some paperwork, the whole process. then it was time to meet with geno and the rest of the management crew.

“you must be YN” he shook your hand firmly “it’s nice to meet you”

“the pleasure is all my mine” you grinned. you made your way around the room, introducing yourself to any unfamiliar faces and learning more about what the job would entail. after some light mingling, geno found you again.

“the girls are out there warming up right now, are you ready to get acquainted with team?”

“definitely”

shoes squeaked against the glossy gym floor, heavy breathing filled the room as you followed geno into the gym. you watched as the girls made shots, passed the ball, and ran drills with ease. it was quite impressive. geno had hollered for them to gather upon your entrance, signaling for them to form a circle so he could introduce you.

you stood timidly next to him, watching the girls round up. trying to inspect each girl carefully as they approached the huddle. they all looked extremely kind. a few offered you a smile or a wave and you smiled in return.

then, as geno began talking, the final few girls joined the group. the last girl in particular had grabbed your attention. you couldn’t see her face very well, only able to catch glimpses of her as she pushed her way through to the front. but when she emerged past the front row, your heart skipped a beat and your breathe caught in your throat. you wouldn’t miss that familiar blonde in a thousand years.

“this is going to be the newest member of the team,” geno stepped aside, putting you on the spotlight “YN, she’s our new assistant team manager. i expect you all to get to know each other and play nice. i’m looking at you paige”

it hadn’t felt real until you heard her name. like it was ingrained in your mind, you finally found the courage to lock eyes with her. there she was in all her glory, staring back at you in disbelief. while everyone else laughed at geno’s innocent joke, greeting you briefly before heading back to their warmups, you and paige remained frozen. she stood across from you, confused expression on her face. you felt like you couldn’t move, like you couldn’t breathe.

“YN” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“paige”

she looked over her shoulder, assessing to see if anyone was paying attention before walking over to you. paige lightly grabbed your forearm, leading you off the gym floor and into a more secluded corner of the building. you had to admit, it only took that one touch to make your heart start racing again.

“what are you doing here?” she asked, now that you were in a private area.

“what am i doing here?” you asked in return “what are you doing here?”

“well obviously i play basketball here”

“ok smart ass,” you rolled your eyes, she hadn’t changed much “i just meant that i had no idea you were going to be here”

“i thought you knew” she breathed “when we met, i thought you knew who i was. i thought that’s why you were staring at me that night”

“of course i didn’t know!” you were unsure what to say.

“have you really been at UCONN this whole time?” she continued “oh my god this is insane”

“what are the odds, right?”

“i thought i’d never see you again”

“me neither” you said before an uncomfortable silence fell between you. nor you or paige had ever expected to see each other again, accepting your fate that you would evidently go your separate ways.

“so what now?” she asked.

“would you…i don’t know what to get a drink or something?” a poor attempt at asking her out “that sounded really fucking dumb, but i’d like to catch up”

“yea,” she scratched the back of neck, trying to hide the goofy smile that formed on her lips “i’d like that”

Touch me, baby, put your lips on mine

Could go to hell but we'll probably be fine

the dress you were wearing was practically suffocating you. neckline scratching your chest, straps digging into your shoulders, hemline riding up your thighs every time you moved. the bar stool you sat at was of no comfort, either. you shifted uncomfortably as you looked around the bar, waiting for any sign of paige. you had made plans for the weekend to meet up so you could make up for lost time.

the night was beginning to drag on and it was getting awfully close to 8:00 pm. you hoped she wasn’t going to stand you up. but, as if on cue, the door to the bar opened revealing a very exasperated paige. she spotted you there, alone with a drink already in front of you.

“hey i’m so sorry” she apologized for her near tardiness “traffic was a bitch”

“it’s ok, was just worried you’d stand me up” you joked.

“i wouldn’t miss it for the world”

you blushed, looking down at your drink. paige ordered one of her own before finally settling in the seat next to yours. you didn’t think she could look anymore beautiful, seeing her there with her hair cascading around her face and dressed in neat clothing. she eyed you carefully, it was starting to seem like a habit the way she kept sneaking glances at you.

“you look beautiful” she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“stop” you laughed.

“no really” she shook her head, swallowing deeply “i mean it, you’re breath taking”

“well thank you, and thanks for agreeing to go out tonight. i’ll be honest…i’ve been thinking about you…like a lot”

“i’ve been thinking about you too” her demeanor started to shift “i really regretted just walking out that night. i was in my head and i just assumed that we’d be going our separate ways”

“i don’t blame you, i was too” you tired to offer consolation “i mean who would have assumed that we both went to the same school and just happened to vacation in the same place?”

she laughed at that, finally giving you a relaxed and genuine smile.

“a crazy coincidence…i’m really really happy you’re here, YN. this just doesn’t feel real”

“i glad i’m here too” you felt like a weight was lifted off your chest, no more wondering about who paige was or what she did. you knew now, she was here with you.

hours went by as you and paige reveled in conversation, spilling every detail, every story, every memory of your lives. it felt like this was meant to be, that the universe had purposely aligned yours and paige’s path. it felt so natural to talk to her. she was easy going and funny, she was an attentive listener and laughed at all your jokes. it was unbelievable that you found her again and you were more than grateful.

“would you-i don’t know, maybe this is too forward” paige began, gaze flickering between your eyes and your lips as you were finishing up your drinks “would you want to come back to my apartment?…i don’t want this night to end”

“i would love that” you blurted with urgency, butterflies forming in your stomach.

she nodded, not even bothering to respond. her hand came in contact with yours as she paid your tab and dragged you out of the bar.

cold air nipped at your bare skin as you walked with paige to her car. she politely opened the door for you, helping you in. the drive to her place wasn’t long at all, but you had noticed she was right, traffic was a bitch. but her music taste was impeccable and you had plenty to talk about so the drive didn’t feel excessive at all.

when you arrived at her apartment, she pulled out her keys to unlock the door, hinges creaking as she led you inside. it was a perfect little apartment from what you could see. it was warm and cozy, definitely well loved, and you thought it fit her perfectly. she turned on the lights and told you to take a seat on the couch and make yourself comfortable.

paige sat next you, leaving a few inches between you two. the distance and the dimly lit room took you back to spring break. it felt like you never left.

“i like your place,” you commented “it suits yo-”

“can i kiss you?”

“what?”

“please” she closed the gap between you, scooting closer to you just like before “i don’t think i can sit here, replaying that night in my head over and over and not know what it feels like to have your lips on mine again”

you let out a breathe, not realizing you had been holding it in the first place. she looked desperate, leaning into you, hands making their way up to cradle your jaw. her fingers caressed the curve of your chin, fingers hooking underneath to pull you in. but she stopped, painfully waiting for your response.

“yes” you said “please, please kiss me already”

so she did, teeth clashing with yours in haste, pulling you into her without a second thought.

I know you want it, baby, you can have it

your discarded clothes made a messy trail down the hallway to paige’s bedroom. your shirt crumpled on the couch, belt slung over the stair railings, bra tossed onto the end of her bed. her clothes followed, making a pile on the floor. your hands were buried in her hair as she nibbled at your ear, then kissing down to your collarbone. the room was silent all except for your breathy moans and the disgustingly erotic, wet sounds from paige’s lips.

it was needy, it was passionate, and it was absolutely perfect. the way her body fit with yours like a puzzle, it was written in the stars.

Oh, I've never done it, let's make it cinematic

Like that one sex scene that's in Mulholland Drive

it could’ve been a scene from a movie. something you’d watch as teenage girl, when you’re at a slumber party with your friends and someone snuck in an R rated movie. and you’d all watch it, gasping and giggling when the actors would start to take of their clothes. you would stare at the screen while everyone was pretending to gag and freaking out, shutting it off before it got too intense, but all you could think about what how beautiful it was. that those two people loved each other so much that it was like fireworks going off, every touch and every word muttered served as a declaration of love.

that’s what it was like with paige. it was like that movie had come to life. everything about it was like something from a fantasy.

the satin sheets bunched around paige’s hips as she worshipped you. the gentle whimpering in your ear as she rutted into you. your not so gentle moans as you came undone around her fingers. how the room was hot and humid from your pure passion.

all of it was pure magnificence.

I wanna know, baby, what is it like?

I know you want it, baby, you can have it

you awoke the next morning, sunshine filtering in through smoggy clouds. paige began to stir next to you, arms finding their way from under the blanket to the bareness of your torso where she traced meaningless shapes into your skin.

“good morning” she muttered into the pillow, still fighting off sleep.

“morning” you beamed, watching her eyes flutter open “how’d you sleep?”

“better than i ever have”

you yawned with a lopsided grin, soaking in her elegance as she sat up to stretch. the world might as well have just stopped from the way she looked at you, like you were the only thing that mattered.

“hey paige?”

“hm?”

Oh, I've never done it,

“please don’t let me go this time”

naked in Manhattan

“i won’t” she replied “never again”

[thedivinetarot]

Is this happiness?

Your views of love

☆How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2) Clear your mind.

3) Take a deep breathe.

3) Ask the question in your head. And the picture you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆Note:

- This reading will help you reflect on how you see love, especially the romantic love.

- It also analysis your current energy.

- Before you chose any pile take a step and focus only on the intention of finding how you view love.

- Pile 4 is triggering, read at your own risk.

Stay safe❤

Arya

Pile 1

How's your current energy?

Hello pile 1🤍 (this pile is for people in committed relationship, if you are single or not seeing anyone then it is not your pile. Even if you have a crush or dating short-term or hooking up, kindly chose something else)

So, right of the bat I see that you may be a little bit ungrounded and you feel kind of imbalanced? I see that you may have had a disagreement with your partner. But not that big you broke up, no, he may be in the next room setting there doing his own thing. Or maybe he is trying to understand the problem from your perspective. I feel emotional guys, you both madly in love with each other so don't worry. The problem will be solved and you both will be able to look back and laugh of how silly it was. It is like a little disagreement between you two. He might be a water sign (Scorpio, Pisces or cancer) or he might have those placements. And you might be an earth sign (Capricorn, virgo and taurus) or you have those placements. I see you two had this disagreement because of a woman around you, she might be a friend of yours or his. Don't let her affect your relationship. Give yourselves some time then come back to discuss what happened or how you feel. Anyways, let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

This pile’s energy is so sweet and innocent. They view love as this everlasting thing that make you stronger. You might be someone who was miserable and devastated before meeting your partner. And when your partner came into your life, you had this spiritual awakening and you started to realize how sad and depressed you were. I see that you may be someone who used to do alot of good things to people, you have like this cute little sunny energy but unfortunately people who was drawn to you wanted to suck up on that light. Or it might be your partner (take what resonates). Anyways, so when your partner entered your life he might opened your eyes and showed you the bigger picture if you know what I mean. He might helped you to be more authentic or powerful. I have this image of someone who was ungrounded or is clueless of their own potential and when your partner entered your life he helped you to be more aware of how powerful you are. So, you started to see love as this powerful energy that transform your deepest strength into power. I see that your partner might be older than you or he might be a gentle dominant. Like he doesn't really pressure you to do what you do not want to do. Also this pile is a sweetheart; you see love as belonging (I feel like crying). You might feel like your partner is your whole family, he is your home. He make you feel content and happy that your views on love are so pink and Disney like. I see that you see love through pink colored glasses. Love is that HUGE wonderful thing that you can feel with your partner. Your partner always elevate you and make you feel more confident in yourself. You might be someone who struggled with self worth and you always linked your outer beauty to your inner worth. It doesn't have to be but that's how you viewed yourself.

Thank you for reading

Stay safe🤍.

Pile 2

How's Your current energy?

This pile might have been dealing with spiritual awakening. I see you simultaneously trying to do shadow work but it is not over. If you constantly working on your negative beliefs and consume endless content about spirituality without taking breaks to reflect and reassess yourself you might get confused. I see you feeling sad and depressed, you may think that you belong no where. Your family life is chaotic and no one is there to understand what you are going through. You are in a transitional period. I see that the chapter you are trying to close is not finished so it cause you further frustration and you keep wondering if you are doing the right work or not. I see that from inside things seems chaotic; it is like you are on a roller-coaster, up and down. This is a part of spiritual awakening pile 2, you need to embrace it. I know it is hard and unpredictable but believe me you'll feel good after a couple of months. Try to meditate at night it will help you fall asleep, also you don't have to take everything on your shoulder. Try to break the task step by step. Try Journaling it is going to help you so much. I feel like there's still things that you need to work on in order for this chapter to finish but Do NOT try to rush healing. It takes time and effort but it will be worth it. Now let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

You view love as stability pile 2. You want stability, you want long term commitment, you want someone whom you can depend on emotionally and you provide for them financially. You may be someone who take ages to trust people and let them into your life. I see that you are very generous with effort and money, you give your heart and serve it on a golden plate. I also see that trust is something very important. Like if you don't trust someone they will never know anything about you. I see that in the past you trusted the wrong people, you gave them everything you have that it caused you to feel devastated and frustrated. People might used you financially or for your money. I feel like this pile really like to support people by providing for them, you might give people that you love money, food, and other materialistic things like gifts and you do it A LOT. you are someone who is afraid to repeat the same mistake by giving people chances and helping them so you are now putting walls around your heart. I see that you are rejecting many romantic offers even if those people seem nice and your type. You don't want anyone pile 2. This pile is so generous financially tbh. Listen to me pile 2, there's nothing wrong with helping others but don't let the past define your future. Not everyone is interested in the materials, especially money. I mean yes money is important but it is not everything. And I'm sure you'll find good people whom you share your life and resources with. Also I feel like this pile like to watch others from afar and observe them. The dominant energy on this pile are earth signs (Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn). Anyways that's all I have for you pile 2.

Take care❤.

Pile 3

How's your current energy?

I see that this pile is isolated and if not isolated then you may be reflecting on yourself a lot. I see that you are pouring all of your focus inward. You truly are in the hermit mode. I see that some people in this pile are feeling nostalgic to someone, there's this urge of reaching out to this person. I think they miss you too pile 3, and if you don't reach out they will. I see a lot of feelings between you two you might be connected to each other on a spiritual level. Others in this pile are in fact are nostalgic to their childhood? You may be thinking of how you used to enjoy things in a child's wonder but it is not how it used to be. This pile are working on themselves, I see you may be doing inner work (meditation, reflection, shdow work) or outer work (losing weight, working out, trying to change something about your appearance like your hairstyle or hair color or your style). Anyways, I don't really see any dominant placements for this pile. I see also that this pile is living mundane life, like there's this unbreakable routine to you guys. Like you might be waking up, doing the same things that you did yesterday and then go to sleep in endless cycle. Try to get out pile 3, go watch the sunrise or sunset. Don't waste your life waiting for opportunities. Go make them yourself, make memories. Reach out to that person, play with children, book that trip. Do something pile three don't waste your time waiting for life to happen.

How do you view love?

See pile three now I understand why you are living like this. You are waiting for the kind of love that is going to set you on fire. What I mean you see love as this exciting and otherworldly thing? You might be influenced by movies and love songs. I don't know why I keep singing "off to the races by Lana Del Rey", this song has literally all the things you want in your love life. You want excitement, danger, possessiveness and awakening to your potential. See that one scene from the vampire diaries where Damon met Elena and heard her talking on the phone about breaking up with Matt, this scene here. That's what you really want pile 3. You might be someone who was in a long term relationship but after breaking up with that person you felt drained and tired. It left you collecting the pieces of your heart by yourself. I see that you took a lot of time healing. Ooooh yes I got it now pile 3! You might be someone who is afraid of the idea of love because you get sucked in and consumed by it. I see that you are someone who might have attachment issues, I see that you can get the love you desire but you need to figure out how your attachment style work. You can search about attachment style and see which one is yours so you can know how to deal with it. Also I do see that you need a partner who is going to keep your identity in the relationship without really losing it. I think that's what you need pile 3 to keep your identity without being mixed and dissolved in one another and a lot of passion and this giddy nervous feeling. I see! That's why you are waiting for things to happen instead of making them, because that thing you consider is very hard to get. But you can have something like that if you find the right person. Sorry that I didn't write a lot in this pile since I included many things that suggest how you view love.

Take care pile 3 and stay safe❤.

Pile 4

How's your current energy?

Pile 4 Are you being challenged on your healing journey? I see that you either been challenged or you are being bullied by someone. I see that this person has a nasty energy. They are not leaving you alone and they are always picking up fights with you. Like they love how you react and how tormented you feel. This person is literally draining the light out of you. I see that someone is being abusive to you. I don't see a partner here and if it is please you don't have to stay with them. It is like someone here is being abused and challenged, like cornered by someone else. I see that this person (whoever that person is) isolating you and paralyzing you. You might be grounded? I mean in your house? I see that you are trying to pick up the courage to face them, please do it Pile 4 so you can get rid of them. Returning to the first case; if there's no one abusing you, then you might be feeling challenged on your healing journey. There's this beliefs that is keeping you stuck or paralyzed you are isolating yourself because you are afraid of someone hurting you. I'm seeing that you were being treated unfairly by others. So, as an outcome you became so afraid to live authentically again. I see that this fear is taking the light out of you. But I see courage, like you started to realize that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And that you shouldn't be afraid because you already took the lesson. And now I see that you are trying to enjoy life after being afraid of it. This pile has also mixed placements so I don't see any need to writing it down here.

How do you view love?

This pile got the worst cards and it is so terrible. As a tarot reader I've never seen something like that before, at first you got good cards but then the bad ones kept jumping out. So, I returned them and reshuffled but they fall again soo🤷🏻‍♀️. Okay let's start out, I see that this pile see love as a torment love story. At first you tell yourself that everything is amazing and great and there's this sharing of resources between two partners and then boom everything is going to turn out to be abusive and heartbreaking. You guys might have dated a lot of narcissists. John and the letter K can be significant? I don't know why all of sudden I get that. Anyways, you know how narcissists at first treat you so well you think that is too good to be true and your prince charming has finally arrived but then everything suddenly turn 180° with them. Like they start controlling you, limiting your interactions, then they isolate you to abuse you furthermore and then after they take what they want they leave you for someone else. This pile’s view of love is very sad and distorted. I see that you view love as devastation. Like you might die because of it. You might be someone who has been to a lot of karmic lessons with narcissists or people who have extreme mental problems. You might see yourself as their savior but I return to you getting abused and mistreated. I see that a lot of times you were the victim in a relationship that you thought was love but it is not love pile 4! Number 5 is significant, you might be life path number 5, or your birthday have this number. Love is pure and genuine, this pile is almost the opposite of pile 1 (you can read it to know how they view love). Listen pile 4, love is something so pure, so gentle and heart warming. But what you felt wasn't love. It was attachment, manipulation and control. It was not love! Also love put you at ease, I see that you may be someone who might have CPTSD. Now I got it pile 4! That's why at the beginning of this reading I felt like someone is mistreating you! Hey don't let that person play you and walk away. Start walking away from that situation, move on. There's plenty of people out there who are going to treat you well. And if you are already walking away then I'm saluting you. Stay strong pile 4. You can do it! I believe in you!

Stay safe❤.

Post date: 29th/Aug/2024-Thur

*Feedback is appreciated

[ashwhowrites]

Hi beautiful! I just wanted you to know I absolutely love your work! You are a phenomenal writer! I’m so excited that your request are back open! I was a curious cat wondering if I could request a best friend eddie Munson x shy reader, where she loves Star Trek next generation and has tickets to a con but none of the group will dress up with her and Eddie surprises her and does, maybe a kiss or sneaky smut! Hehe! I’m sorry if this is awkward turtle! 🐢

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

⚠️ disclaimer - I've never seen Star Trek NG so I goggled characters and I'm sorry if this is not accurate at all

Tickets to Con

Y/N had nerdy friends, she just tended to me a little more nerdy. Her friends enjoyed things but didn't like to dress up or do cosplay, but Y/N loved it. She found so much joy in putting together a costume and attending cons to show off and meet people just like her. The only thing she disliked was always going alone.

She hoped this year would be different. She got tickets to a Star Trek con and tickets only came in pairs. She did not want to waste her money and have no one join her. So she asked all her friends, even her best friend Eddie. And they all said no.

She was devastated but refused to let that ruin her experience. She enjoyed doing her thing, even if it was alone. She worked on her cosplay for days, creating the perfect Troi outfit. She had everything pinned down to perfection, her hair, makeup, and outfit.

~

Y/N felt excitement fill her once she walked into the building. She took in everyone's costumes, everyone seemed to be with someone and she felt a little sad none of her friends came with her. She walked around, running to her favorite tables for signed autographs and pictures.

She was having so much fun that she barely noticed an hour passed. From all the running around, she felt like she was sweating through her costume, so she stepped outside for fresh air.

"Sir, I've already told you, you cannot go in without a ticket!" The sound of security was the first thing she heard when she stepped out. She didn't want to be caught up in the mess so she turned her back.

"Well, SIR, I already told you my friend has it and she's inside!"

That voice sounded really familiar. She scrunched her eyebrows as she turned around. She swore she felt her jaw smack the concrete.

Her best friend was standing there fighting with security in a perfect Riker cosplay matching her.

"Eddie?" she called out in shock

He looked to see where her voice came from and smiled when she came into view.

"SEE THAT'S HER!" he yelled

The guy turned around, "Is he with you?" the poor guard looked over it

"Yes," Y/N laughed, handing the guy the ticket. Eddie stuck out his tongue at him as he made it into the building.

"What are you doing here?" Y/N asked, excitedly throwing the boy into a bone-crushing hug.

"I couldn't let my favorite girl be here all alone," he said, accepting her hug.

She pulled away and Eddie swore he had never seen her smile so big. She shrugged off the way his words made her face burn. She always had a crush on Eddie but figured she was way too geeky for his taste.

"Well you are the best Riker I've seen here," Y/N said

"Yeah well, I am the best looking," Eddie shrugged with a teasing smirk

Y/N tried not to melt into the floor

"I did some research and apparently our two characters are sorta into each other, do we play as our characters or just dress as them? Because I am ready to fully commit to the romance," Eddie joked. Y/N hoped he couldn't hear how hard her heart was beating.

"PLAY!" she shouted, embarrassed as he laughed, "We definitely have to be into each other," she lied.

She felt like squeaking when his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Let's do this, baby"

~

The event went amazing with Eddie by her side. They even won Best Couple cosplay and got a small trophy then their picture was taken. Y/N happily carried the trophy to her car, placing it gently in the backseat.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but damn that was fun!" Eddie said, chuckling as he leaned against her car. She laughed as she shut the backdoor and moved to her driver's door.

"Can I count on you for next time?" she asked, Eddie couldn't help but smile as she smiled.

"Yes," he said with no hesitation

"Thank you for coming. I know it's not your thing but it means a lot," she said, giving him another hug. But this one was more soft and close.

Eddie didn't say anything but hugged her back. He slowly pulled away but kept his arms wrapped around. She felt nervous under his stare and shivered at how close they were.

She watched as he leaned in, his eyes flicking from her eyes to her lips. She held her breath as his lips drew closer to hers, and then his lips landed on hers.

She gladly kissed him back, trying not to show how eager she was that this was finally happening. She imagined this almost every night and it was never as good as this. His lips were soft and warm, and the way he had control over her made her stomach flutter.

She stared as he pulled away, he gave one last small kiss to her lips before he removed his arms from her.

"Goodnight, Y/N," he said with a smile

"Goodnight," she breathed out in awe, watching as he walked away

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt@ineedmentalhelp123

[smystermy]

this night is sparkling

tags: gojo satoru x you; Crush with a capital C; Fluff with a capital F; Pining with a capital P; Teasing with a capital T; you're 17 or 18 years old, entering your fourth year at jujutsu high; gojo, 23 to 25 years old, is a teacher there.

warnings: teacher/student—older person/younger person romance—but completely one-sided. (you’re crushing hard on gojo, and he’s utterly oblivious.)

word count: 1006.

notes: this oneshot is part of my 'heartbeat star' series, but you can dive in without prior reading!! hope you enjoy it—and if you do, likes, comments, and reblogs mean a lot!! the fic title is from here, the header image is from pinterest, the dividers are by @/adornedwithlight. jujutsu kaisen is not mine. 🥰🥰

The farewell party is in full swing, golden fairy lights flickering softly across the ceiling. Laughter and music swirl together, warm and easy, as students gather in little clusters—some reminiscing, some sneaking extra desserts, some just soaking in the last few moments before the seniors officially move on.

It’s nice. Cozy, even. The kind of atmosphere that should make someone feel sentimental or nostalgic, but—

Instead, there’s Aya.

Aya, who has spent the last fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you desperately need a boyfriend.

“You don’t know what you’re missing,” she sighs, propping her chin on her hand. “Love is amazing. Dating is amazing. Having someone to hold your hand and call you cute—ugh, it’s the best.”

You shoot a skeptical glance. “Didn’t you complain last week that your boyfriend forgot your anniversary?”

Aya waves a hand. “That was last week. He made up for it. He got me a plushie and took me out for ice cream, so obviously all is forgiven.”

“You’re so easy.”

She gasps. “Excuse you, I am a woman of high standards.”

A quiet laugh escapes, shaking your head as you take another sip of juice. “Sure, sure.”

Aya scoots closer, tone dropping into something almost conspiratorial. “Seriously, though. You should try it. Imagine having someone who’s just yours, who thinks about you all the time and sends you sweet messages—like, wouldn’t it be nice to wake up and immediately see a good morning, beautiful text?”

You snort. “That depends. Am I actually beautiful in the morning, or are they lying?”

Aya groans. “That’s not the point!”

“It kind of is.”

She gives you a look. “Okay, fine, but I still think you should at least consider dating. I even made a list of possible guys for you.”

A pause.

Then—you actually laugh. “You what?”

Aya pulls out her phone, tapping quickly. “Yeah, yeah, I put a lot of thought into this. Like, you know that fourth-year from Kyoto Jujutsu High? The tall, broody one? He seems like your type.”

You smile, amused. “You don’t even know my type.”

“Ohhh, but I do.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Tall, handsome, maybe a little cocky. Someone who can tease you but also make you melt. Am I wrong?”

The smile stiffens just slightly. “That’s… oddly specific.”

Aya shrugs, looking smug. “I just know things.”

“You assume things.”

“I observe.” She leans in closer, squinting. “But really—why don’t you want to meet any of them?”

The question lingers longer than expected.

It should be easy to answer. Just shrug, brush it off, say something simple—something like I’m just not interested. A little white lie, smooth and practiced, one that would make Aya roll her eyes and drop the subject—

But then the door opens.

And in walks Gojo Satoru.

The room doesn’t shift, but your world does.

It’s not like he hasn’t always been attractive. He has—of course he has. But tonight—

Tonight, he looks different.

The usual Jujutsu High uniform is gone, replaced by a sleek, perfectly tailored black suit. The fabric drapes over his frame in a way that is both effortless and devastating, emphasizing the broad line of his shoulders, the lean length of his torso. His white hair is slightly tousled—more than usual, like he’s run his fingers through it before walking in. His sunglasses sit lower on the bridge of his nose, catching the light just enough to make it impossible to look away.

There’s something about the way he moves—slow, confident, almost lazy but completely in control. His grin is easy, his voice effortlessly charming as he greets the seniors, slipping into conversations like it’s second nature. He claps one of them on the back, says something that makes them burst into laughter. He gestures as he speaks, long fingers adjusting the edge of his cufflink—

And it’s so stupid, so ridiculous, but even that tiny, insignificant movement feels like too much.

The laughter in the room swells. Gojo leans closer to someone, smirking at something they say. The golden lighting softens against the sharp lines of his face. The way his mouth curves, the casual grace in his stance—

Unfair.

Completely, entirely unfair.

And the worst part? It’s impossible to stop looking.

Not until—

“Oi.”

Aya’s voice cuts through the trance, sharp and way too knowing.

You flinch, nearly spilling your juice. “What?”

Aya squints. “You weren’t listening to me.”

A beat of silence.

Then—disaster.

Because she follows the lingering line of sight, tracking it across the room with pinpoint precision.

The second her gaze lands on Gojo, there’s a brief, quiet moment—then she gasps.

“Ohhh,” she practically squeals, grabbing your arm. “I see now.”

Panic flares. “No, you don’t.”

“Oh, I definitely do.”

“Aya.”

“No wonder you keep turning down every guy I suggest.” The grin stretches wide, delight sparkling in her eyes. “You already have someone in your heart, don’t you?”

Heat erupts, warmth rushing from your ears, sweeping across your face and down your neck.

“Aya—”

“Oh my god,” she gasps, clutching her chest dramatically before bursting into giggles. “You’re BLUSHING. You’re actually—” She grabs your arm, shaking it. “—blushing.”

A strangled noise escapes you. "Shut up."

Aya leans in, wiggling her eyebrows. “So, do you want Gojo-sensei to text you good morning, beautiful?”

“Aya.”

“Imagine him holding your hand.”

“I will push you into the cake table.”

Aya cackles. “Too late, I know the truth.”

Your skin prickles like a thousand tiny needles, every nerve hyper-aware of the way she’s looking at you. You need to escape—immediately, before she makes this worse.

Your feet move quickly—toward the drinks table, anywhere that isn't here—but your hands are shaky, your face is on fire, and—oh no, oh no, oh no—Aya is still laughing.

Still, the quietest little smile sneaks onto your lips before you even realize it.

Across the room, completely unaware of the emotional chaos he’s just caused—Gojo Satoru throws his head back in laughter, his shoulders shaking slightly, effortlessly dazzling, effortlessly himself.

And you think, helplessly, hopelessly—

Yeah.

You’re so doomed.

general masterlist || gojo satoru masterlist

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TGR CHAPTER 16 THOUGHTS **SPOILER WARNING**

- the teams in the western district refusing to talk shit about jean and saying he was very polite when asked by reporters is so fucking awesome

- cat and jeans friendship rlly is so precious to me

- disappointed that jean and the girls privacy has been violated in the leak of their address but also that letter from one of jeans old youth exy teammates was rather sweet

- literally just said what the fuck outloud about ten times

istg the raven lineup is being picked off one by fucking one

- pointless update but i just got distracted watching instagram reals for an hour

- “All the Trojans looked excited to be here, Jean realized as he glanced from one laughing face to another, and he felt the chasm between his heart and theirs keenly. ​He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked at a court with any bright emotion.”

man jean u rlly do ur best to make me cry

- “Derek used the railing to haul himself up, and Tori caught his face in her hands for a quick kiss. A group of fans six rows up erupted in hoots and cheers, and Derek was grinning like a fool when he dropped back down to flat ground. ​Cherise caught Jean’s eye as he started to step back and said, “Look after our boys out there, will you?” ​“Our boys!” Derrick yelled before taking off at full speed. “Our! Boys!” ​“One of these days you’ll figure out he’s not joking about you,” “Sort yourself out before you string him along much longer, would you? He’s my brother.” MY GRIN IS SO HUGE GUYS JUST THIS WHOLE SCENE I LOVE IT

- jean taking every opportunity he gets to say how ugly and tacky he finds the trojans uniform is so funny he’s my fave hater

- stupid beautiful kevin and his big mouth, baby he wasn’t looking at jere he was looking at u

- i do have to say, as absolutely devastating as each revelation about jeans crushes is. kevjerejean shippers gotta be some of the luckiest bitches out there, y’all rlly devoted urselves to a ship with characters that hardly interacted in the og books, two of which clearly had beef and trauma. y’all are being indirectly fed with this series and each new revelation

(and before anyone takes this the wrong way, yes i do enjoy the ship! but if we’re talking kevin day ships then i must admit kandreil is my fave)

- “You are very good,” he said to Jeremy. “I finally understand why Kevin admires this team.” ​Looking at Jeremy was a mistake; Jean forced his attention back to the court so he wouldn’t have to face that pleased smile. ​“We,” Jeremy said. “We are very good, Jean.”

this is adorable and all but i can’t get over the fact that jean has been training with them for so longer and has played against them multiple times and just now he’s like yeah actually u guys aren’t bad!! 😭😭

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

- IMAGINE TRYNA PSYCH OUT UR OPPONENT BY SAYING ‘HON HON HON’ TRYING TO MOCK THEM ID LAUGH IN HIS FACE IF I WAS JEAN LIKE U JUST MADE URSELF LOOK STUPID

- aftg is the only sports book i’ve ever read and the only books that were able to make me actually interested in reading about sports

-Jean offered his mark a thumbs-up and intoned in English, “Have a winning day.” SHUT THE FUCK UP I LOVE HIM BADDDDDD HES SO FUNNY HE DID THE THING!! HIS OPPONENT WAS CUT AS FUCK AFTER THAT

- “Jean thought of Tetsuji and Riko and let the blows land unanswered.” well that majorly brought my mood down :(

- ““Oh,” Jeremy said, affecting surprise. “That’s rude, considering your current roster. I hope you apologize to them later.” JEREMY COMING IN HOT

nobody tell hinch there’s more than two queer people on the trojans team

- “He couldn’t fight Lander, so he did the only thing he could and slammed his racquet into his own shin guard with a one-handed swing.”

istg nora loves to inflict pain upon me

- YOU 😭WERE 😭INCREDIBLE 😭OUT 😭THERE😭

- god jere ur making ME blush with all these compliments i can’t imagine how jean feels…

- pls jeremy telling jean he is infinitely better than his opponent and then going oh god sorry idk what’s come over me that was so rude!

- cat getting so excited about jeans winning day comment is everything

- “i’ve never really been a Raven fan.” QUEEN DO NOT BE ASHAMED TO ADMIT THIS U CLOCKED THEIR BS

- “Butchering it was an understatement.” THE SNARK godddd no wonder i fucking love him and neil’s friendship so much

- THE GASP I JUST GUSPED!!!!! REACHER IS HERE????

-“I don’t owe you anything.” YES BABY UR LEARNING

- 😀 this is my face rn because my app reloaded before i could save this draft and i lost the last half of this post so now i have to go back and rewrite it all from my memory!!!

- i HATE u reacher

- “Jean registered Coach, Rhemann decked Zane hard enough to throw him. He looked ten feet tall as he towered over Zane’s crumpled body, radiating a rage he’d never once turned on his own players.” THANK UUUU COACH RHEMANN UR MY HERO PLS ACCEPT THIS TROPHY 🏆 AS A TOKEN IF MY GRATITUDE FOR DOING WHAT WE ALK WANTED TO DO AND PROTECTING JEAN

- umm hello??? DOES COACH RHEMANN HAVE A HUSBAND??? HES GAY???

- oh i’m sick to my stomach. i am crying rn this is veryyy hard to read. oh jean u didn’t deserve what they put u through. and u did what u had to do to survive.

for anyone who hasn’t read the books and is seeing this, i’d like to leave a trigger warning*** for jeans discussion of rape and him being forced to say that he liked it, and self harm (jean hitting himself in the head). the scene takes place during rhemann and jeans talk in the office after their first match (roughly page 348-351 on mobile app)

it is very difficult and confronting to read, if u know u are likely to get upset by the above topics, pls take care of urself. i’ll leave this with some very wise quotes from rhemann:

“Listen to me. It doesn’t matter what you said. You were just a kid trying to survive as best you could. No one can blame you for that.”

“Repeat after me: I didn’t deserve what they did to me.”

- rhemann telling jean he’s safe and he’s got him and holding him tight as he breaks down goddddd they’re everything. this is what jean needs

(and i hate to make another tfc parallel but theyre always on my mind)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

- ok i took a break to process after that roller coaster, watched more mind numbing instagram reels and now im back! it is currently 12:47am, i have classes tomorrow but i have about 130 pages left and i am determined to read as much as i can before i pass out. let’s see how i go!

- once again i was right,, rhemann is gay!!

- “Seeing him like this was bewildering; Jean had foolishly believed Rhemann ceased to exist outside of Exy.” nah jean all exy coach’s actually get powered down and put onto charge post exy

- jean and rhemann: 🧑🏻‍🌾🥕👨🏻‍🌾

- “On the other was Neil’s blasé, “I’m sure he knows,” when Jean warned him to hide Andrew from Ichirou, the Trojans’ casual acceptance of their floozy line, and a partnership that somehow survived twenty-eight years in this heartless world.” STOPPPPPPPPP

- it’s easy to forget that aftg is set in the 2000s and not current, especially in these books because i don’t think they refer to it as much (neil and andrew literally use flip phones in the og books it’s hard to ignore that) until you are reminded of the rampant and virulent homophobia

- FRIENDS AND FIREWORKSSSSS

- “fathers” — jean thinking about rhemann and wymack and their unwavering kindness to him and adding fathers to his list in spite of how terrible his own dad is is something so precious. don’t play with me rn

-GOLDEN RAVEN MENTIONEDDDD

- um yeah so that’s as far as i got until i passed out only to wake back up at *checks time* 5am and find that this post didn’t save! hopefully i’ve managed to rewrite it all. onwards and upwards!!

i feel i rewrote those all with much more enthusiasm than i actually did the first time round after reading chapter 17

- unrelatedish side note but i was thinking about how their address got leaked and who it might be. i mean usually id immediately blame riko that’s the type of shit he’d do but he’s dead now soooo… do we reckon it’s a random nobody and we’ll never find out or someone close to the story? jeremy’s brother? another player?

- “Rhemann’s voice in his head, Rhemann’s and his friends’ and Neil’s, drowning out his miserable thoughts and excuses with unrelenting force.” yeah i’m grinning rn, he’s got so many people who love him and want the best for him and for him to heal

(and neil is one of them😭guys u know how i feel about neil and jean)

- “I deserve to get better.” IM CRYING AGAIN OH MY BABY U DO AND IM GLAD U REALISE IT

[txtaetertots]

perfect man | huening kai

pairing idol!hueningkai x non-idol!gn!reader

wc 4.0k

genre friends to lovers, FLUFF

summary kai has a huge crush on you and he’s determined to win you over by any means necessary, but he’s worried maybe he went too far.

warnings i made kai cry a little sawry 😔, reader is implied 99-01 liner, you’re also shorter/smaller than kai.. so, reader also uses nail polish so if you don’t normally use/play with nail polish.. now you do friend <3

notes it’s my sweet boy’s birthdayyyy !! this was kinda self indulgent of me considering i’m a ‘00 liner ningdungie saurrrr.. sue me !! soobin and i have a lot in common in that sense don’t u think

“i’m not really interested in dating younger guys.”

those words spoken by you kept repeating in kai’s head, tormenting him.

kai has had a crush on you ever since you first started working at hybe in the café. the way you so warmly smiled at him and greeted him good morning, taking his juice order and serving him his morning pastry. he swore he'd never seen a more beautiful person, almost angelic with the way the morning sunshine hit you just right to give you that heavenly glow. his heart nearly leaped out of his chest every morning, seeing you behind the counter wearing your lovely smile with enthusiasm.

every time you made deliveries to the dance studio for them, kai was always one of the first to greet you at the door and help you set up their snacks and refreshments. he loved the few extra minutes it gave him to talk to you and get to know you. it got to the point where he would make mundane orders for juice boxes or napkins just so he could see you during lessons. you thought it was odd, but everyone else could tell kai was a lovesick puppy.

after a while, you became close with him and the rest of the boys. they decided to keep you around more often since it made kai so happy to spend time with you. they loved the way you made kai’s face light up just by walking into the room. and you loved hanging out with them. it was nice being able to have friends your own age in the company you could spend your break hours with. it got to the point where you would occasionally join them to hang out outside of company hours. you would have dinner, play games, watch movies, or go shopping.

the boys enjoyed your company, and always made sure kai had his chance to spend some extra time with you. you just never noticed the advances. you never saw kai’s closeness and playfulness as flirting because you didn’t see kai in a romantic light. he was younger than you and you didn’t have any interest in dating anyone younger. so when the devastating revelation was made during a dinner with the boys, kai’s heart shattered into dust. beomgyu felt bad, all he wanted to do was drop subtle hints that your “ideal type” was sitting right next to you. he didn’t expect you to list age as a preference.

kai was silent after dinner. he lay on his bedroom floor, staring up at the ceiling, thinking. does he just try to move on? would it hurt to try and change your mind? does he even have a chance to make you see him as boyfriend material? would you only ever see him as your cute best friend? he was heartbroken. but, that didn’t mean he lost all hope.

“so, what are you going to do now?” beomgyu asks, leaning against kai’s door frame.

kai sits up, letting out a deep sigh before looking up to the man who unintentionally caused his heartache.

“i’ve never felt so strongly about anyone in my life,” kai confesses. “but, what if i really have no chance?”

he paused, pondering whether his efforts to win you over would be pointless. as he was deep in his thoughts, his phone went off. a single text notification. kai picked it up from his bed, seeing your name flash on his lockscreen:

ynie 💕: there’s a new bakery by the company! we have to go together, hyukai!

with a smile on his face, kai looked up at beomgyu, who was patiently waiting to hear his verdict.

“hyung, i don’t want to give up.”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

it started with changing the way he acted around you. he tried acting more forward and flirty. he thought maybe then you would start to see him as a man rather than a friend. and to start, he flaunted his biggest asset: his height. you were small in comparison to his physique, so it wasn’t too hard to find ways to fluster you. if you needed something from a higher shelf, he would come up behind you, placing a hand ever so gently on your back, and leaned over to grab whatever it was for you. you were caught off guard every time. the feeling of his hand on your back, the smell of his cologne intoxicating your senses. has your heart always skipped this fast?

you usually greeted each other with a hug, and kai began using this to his advantage. once he sees you running towards them waving your arm, he bends his legs ready to pick you up off the ground and spin you around. his arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing tightly, holding your body close to his. you’d both erupt into laughter every time, loving this new greeting. kai loved the feeling of holding you, taking in your scent as your arms instinctively wrapped around his shoulders, burying his face in your neck. it felt like you were all his.

when it was movie night at their dorm, kai would make sure to sit next to you and bring a blanket for the two of you to share. he’d put his arm around you, his hand resting on the top of your head gently caressing your hair as you slowly began melting into his touch. his chest was broad, making him a perfect pillow. he was warm and smelled so nice, making him so inviting. his steady breath soothed you to sleep every time. has he always been this comforting?

you visited the boys during one of their fittings, bringing them snacks to replenish their energy. soobin, yeonjun, taehyun, and beomgyu welcomed you with warm smiles and head pats, thanking you for the snacks and refreshments. you looked around for kai, wondering where your favorite boy was. and as if on cue, the curtains to one of the changing rooms swiped open revealing kai in one of his prospective tour outfits. he walked out, tugging the sleeves and smoothing down his chest. he almost didn’t notice you, as you were too busy gawking at the sight of the fabric hugging his body. you were so used to seeing him in his hoodies and sweatpants. this new look wasn’t bad at all, but it was definitely not helping your flushed face calm down.

“yn!” he exclaimed, walking over to you to give you a quick hug before making his way to his stylist, leaving you dazed.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

your mind felt frazzled as you paced around your apartment, trying to make sense of these feelings you’ve been experiencing. kai has been acting differently lately, and you didn’t pay much attention to it at first. but, it started becoming strange when your usually shy, cute hyukai was suddenly acting more bold and charming towards you. almost.. flirtatious. whenever he puts his arms around you, or whenever his voice gets deeper speaking to you. the loving way he calls you by your nickname and holds you close to his chest when he hugs you. just thinking about it over again made your face flush and your chest feel heavy. what is going on? did you… like huening kai?

no. that can’t be it. he was your best friend in the company. your favorite boy. the boy who always came to see you in the morning with the sweetest smile. the boy who would always send you links to videos he knew you’d find funny. the boy who always held your hand and swung your arms when you walked together through the long hallways. the boy who made you smile when you were sad. the boy who made you feel cared for and wanted.. the boy who made your heart race with a single glance in your direction. the boy who made your heart flutter when he playfully blew you a kiss. the boy who had you daydreaming about when you’ll see him again…

oh.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

a week had passed since you last hung out with the boys since their schedule began picking up. this was going to be the last time you could spend time with them before their tour started, so you made sure you could fit as much time together as possible today. you arrived at their dorm, excited to see your favorite boys again.

soobin opened the door for you, smiling as he greeted you and let you in. you removed your shoes and walked further into their dorm, greeting everyone as you saw them. every step you took made your head feel lighter and lighter. every step you took to see him. kai was in the kitchen, getting snacks prepared for everyone while they waited for their takeout dinner to arrive. you felt a skip in your step, almost as if you were hesitant to approach him, but you quickly caught yourself on the counter. kai turned quickly upon hearing your hitched squeal after almost tripping. his face concerned as he dropped what he was doing to approach you. he placed his hands on your shoulders, trying to get a good look at you to make sure you weren’t hurt.

“i’m okay, kai! i caught myself,” you said sheepishly, trying your best to avoid eye contact because you knew you were one glance away from turning into a tomato.

kai sighed, smiling as he ruffled your hair. “it’s good to see you again, yn-ie. i’ve missed you.”

there it was again. his deep voice. the way it sent shivers down your spine, making your heart pound in your ears. oh he’s so charming.

both of you joined the others in the living room, laying out the snacks on the coffee table. you arranged the plates neatly, making sure everyone had access to everything. once you were satisfied, you smiled to yourself and grabbed a few cookies for yourself before finding a place to sit. kai eagerly patted the empty seat on the couch next to him, lifting his blanket so you could settle yourself with him like always.

you shyly sat down, nervously tugging at your sleeves before draping the blanket over your legs. kai’s arm found its way around you again and he let out a relaxed breath, content with the proximity between you two. whereas you were feeling like you were about to suffocate from trying to hold your breath.

“hey, are you okay?” kai asks gently, rubbing your shoulder and pulling you closer. you were so stiff and rigid, it made his own breath hitch. he slowly let you go and began to worry. maybe he was overstepping your boundaries and you were too nice to tell him directly. fuck. he mentally cursed himself, trying to give you more space. you felt him let go and slowly move away. you quickly shook your head, words stuck in your throat, trying to reassure him you were alright.

it was no use. kai kept his distance, slowly inching further away from you as the movie went on. when your takeout arrived, he moved to the floor with yeonjun and beomgyu and stayed there for the remainder of the film. you were finally relaxed, but part of you was a little disappointed. you missed having his warmth next to you…

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

you began helping clean up after the final installment of the movie series was over. kai avoided you, trying his best to give you back your space. he walked briskly past you with dishes and trash to the kitchen. he was acting like you weren’t there anymore. you stood idly in the middle of the living room, confused and hurt. you were quickly brought out of your thoughts, however, when you felt a hand on your shoulder. you perked up, a smile on your face as you looked up to see… yeonjun. your smile faded, much to yeonjun’s offense. but he laughed it off.

“were you expecting someone else?” he laughed. “i just wanted to ask if you were okay? you look bummed.”

“sorry, jjunie,” you sighed. “but i’ll be fine. it’s nothing.”

your eyes diverted, locking their sights on kai who was wiping down the table. yeonjun followed your gaze, smiling to himself. he nudged you forward, “go talk to him.”

you spared a glance at yeonjun. he cocked his head, urging you to make a move. you took a deep breath and sighed. you had to talk to kai. you thought for a moment before approaching him. a lightbulb flashed over your head as you looked over at your bag by the foyer. you remembered you still had some new nail polishes you bought the other day in your bag. whenever you bought new polishes or stickers you always had kai test them out with you, since he always did the same with his sisters growing up.

you ran to grab your bag before making your way up to your best friend. the nerves were gone and a bright smile back across your lips as you excitedly tapped the taller boy’s shoulder. he looked back at you surprised, but immediately overcome with joy when he saw that beautiful smile beaming up at him. his favorite smile.

“i have new polishes to test! do you want to try them out with me?” you asked hopefully, waving your bag up to your chest. his worries immediately melted away. he nodded, holding his hand out for you to take to guide you back to his room.

you ran up to his desk, taking out all the polishes and stickers you had bought and laying them across the surface. kai brought a chair from the dining table for you to sit on while you played around with your new goodies. he set it down behind you, taking a seat on his own desk chair and examining the bottles and sheets in front of him. you had bought new shades of pink and yellow as well as flower and heart stickers. he smiled to himself, thinking about how cute you were when it came to nail art. you always get so excited to try new designs and color palettes.

“hands are washed?” you asked before taking your seat. he nodded, showing you his clean, pretty hands.

you sat down, adjusting your seat as necessary to get a good angle on kai’s hands. they were so pretty. his fingers were long and slender. his nail beds were perfect, not a chip or dent in sight. he had the most beautiful hands. the most perfect hands for you to hold. you took his right hand and began carefully applying a single coat of the pink polish on each finger. your breath was steady as you focused on staying within his nails. you almost didn’t notice him cautiously scooting closer.

“i, uhm,” kai began, clearing his throat. “i got you tickets for our shows here in seoul. if you wanna come, that is. you don’t have to though. no pressure or anything.”

you giggled, focus still on completing the second coat. “of course i’d love to come! are you kidding?”

kai bit his lip trying to stop himself from grinning too hard. he had always wanted you to come to one of their shows. his goal was always to have you there as his lover someday, but he was okay with having you there as his best friend first. maybe he could use this as an opportunity to charm you even further with how cool he can be on stage.

you held his hand, careful not to touch the fresh art, blowing gently at the wet polish trying to dry them faster before moving on to the next hand. kai stared at your soft features, obsessed with the way your eyelashes fluttered with every blink and how your nose scrunched lightly when you felt yourself getting lightheaded. you were so pretty. if he was being honest, he only let you test your nail products on him because it allowed him to stare at you all he wanted. you were too focused on doing his nails to notice the way his eyes practically twinkled with hearts as he admired you. sure, he loved having your experimental designs on him to show off. but, he loved being able to dote on you up close even more.

“done!” you said happily, letting him take a look at his pink nails with hearts.

he giggled. “how cute! makes me feel pretty,” he posed with his hand by his face, blowing you one of his infamous kisses. you could feel the tips of your ears getting hot and you just prayed your hair hid them well.

you reached for his other hand, trying to move on and distract your racing mind. kai closed his eyes, regret sprawling over his face. he did it again.

“i’m sorry, yn,” he said softly, looking down at his desk. you stopped painting, immediately looking up with widened eyes. why was he apologizing so suddenly?

“why are you sorry?” you asked, concern laced in your voice. you put down the polish, pushing everything aside to focus on your sulking best friend. “you didn’t do anything wrong?”

“yes i did,” he began. his eyes refused to meet yours. “i keep making you uncomfortable.”

“what? no, no! you’re not making me uncomfortable! what makes you think that?” you took his hands in yours trying to reassure him. you were far from feeling uncomfortable with kai. he made you shy, but never uncomfortable.

“i’m sorry,” he repeated, shutting his eyes tightly. “i keep trying to flirt with you and all i’m doing is making you uncomfortable to be around me. you get so tense and you barely look at me anymore. i’m so sorry, yn! it’s okay if you don’t like me, i should’ve just asked before going ahead and pushing your boundaries.”

his voice cracked, tears threatening to fall through his tightly shut eyes. he felt awful. his grand plan was backfiring and in the worst way possible. he was okay with you not liking him back now, he just didn’t want you to hate him and think he’s a creep. losing you all together would be so much worse than you not reciprocating his feelings.

you were stunned. you didn’t know what to say. his words just barely process through your mind. did you hear him correctly?

“kai, what are you talking about?” you managed to spit out. you felt breathless. your heart was pounding so fast it felt like it stopped, and all that was left was a humming sound in your ears.

kai opened his eyes, slowly turning his head to look at you. his eyes were glassy, tears pooling at the brim. you’ve never seen him cry and the sight made you feel like your whole world was collapsing. kai took a deep breath, blinking once to collect himself. the pooled tears began to fall across his pink cheeks. you reached out slowly, cupping his face in your palms and wiping his tears away with a stroke of your thumbs.

it was in that moment you realized how he felt. the way his eyes were so sad, yet full of absolute adoration as he looked at you. his lips turned down into a pout, trying their best to keep him from crying out loud. he sniffled as he searched your eyes for any hint of how you felt. but all he saw was confusion and concern. he had to lay it all out now.

his lips parted, but he stayed silent for a moment. kai took your hands from his face and held them between his own, eyes never looking away from yours.

“yn, i like you,” he began. his voice was unsteady. “i’ve like you for a while. and when you said you didn’t like younger guys, i had the stupid idea to try and change your mind. i’ve been trying to be more manly and flirt more directly, hoping i could win your heart. i wanted to prove i could be a man for you too. but instead i’ve been making you tense and uncomfortable and i’m so sorry. it’s okay if you don’t like me back. i’ll stop my advances and everything, just please don’t leave me. i didn’t mean to act like a creep.”

he was so sincere. it made your heart hurt just knowing he was so afraid of you not wanting to be around him anymore. you didn’t mean to come across as uncomfortable. but, you just got so flustered and shy all you could do was retreat from his attention. and in reality it was quite the opposite. you loved his attention. it made your heart flutter and filled your tummy with butterflies. you liked him. you really liked him.

“oh, my baby,” you cooed, lunging yourself forward from your seat and wrapping your arms around kai’s shoulders. he was stunned. he hesitantly wrapped his arms around your waist, his grip tightening as he relaxed in your embrace. he closed his eyes and burried his face in your neck, more tears threatening to escape.

“you never made me uncomfortable,” you said softly by his ear. “and i’m sorry i made you think that.”

you pulled away, smiling sweetly as you took his face back in your hands and wiped his tears away. he sniffled, trying to keep his composure, waiting for what you had to say about his confession. his eyes widened as your face inched closer to his, pulling him close and finally closing the gap between you. your lips felt so soft and plush, just as he always dreamed they would. his eyes fluttered closed as he melted into your touch, hands resting at the curve of your waist. this was it. this was the moment he had been dreaming of for months. he could taste the hint of strawberry from your lip balm as you moved your lips against his, fogging his mind. it was so sweet. so intoxicating. you pulled away gently. cheeks blushed as you watched him slowly come out of his dazed expression.

“i really like you, too,” you finally confessed. “there’s no other man for me, but you.”

kai’s face lit up, joy overcoming him as he wrapped his arms around you and stood up to spin you around. he squeezed you tightly, not wanting to let you go. you weren’t so eager to let him go either. you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and tangled your hands in his fluffy, black hair. you pushed yourself up just enough to look at him, smiling before leaving a quick peck on the bump of his nose. kai let you down, grabbing a hold of your hands in his and held them against his chest so you could feel his heart.

“what changed your mind? not that i’m complaining or anything,” he laughed, his eyes staring down at you with the most intense admiration. his pupils dilated and glossed over. he has never felt happier.

“nothing,” you giggled. “i think i’ve always liked you. but since you started being more bold with your advances, i’ve been getting so nervous around you. i felt like i was going to explode every time you were around. but, i loved every minute i spent surrounded by your warmth. i was just shy, kai. not uncomfortable. you stole my heart.”

a smug smile made its way to kai’s face.

“you’re all mine,” he said lovingly, bringing your hands up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “finally.”

you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your ear against his chest hearing how fast his heart was racing. hearing him call you ‘his’ filled your stomach with those same butterflies. both of you stood there for a moment, just taking in each other’s presence and embrace. neither of you wanting to let go.

“you know,” you said, propping your chin on his chest to look up at him. “i still like you when you’re your usual sweet, cute self right?”

he let out a soft giggle. “yeah, but i like how shy you get when i use my manly charms,” kai said proudly, earning a giggle from you. “and i’ll be sure to use them when i take you out on a proper first date when i come back.”

you knew you fell for the right guy. you’re just shocked it took you this long to realize it, but you’re willing to wait however long you need just to be with him. afterall, kai was the perfect man for you.

© txtaetertots

[adamsrcnan]

OKAY OKAY here we goooo an annoyingly long-ish post about all my thoughts on The Sunshine Court

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilersss you've been warned

First things first it is so interesting to see Nora writing from not one but TWO new people's perspective. Jean's perspective is just devastating being inside his head is heartbreaking the constant fear and panic and how much of his energy is used on just pushing down every memory of what was done to him. His coping mechanisms are terrifying and i truly do hope by the end of book 2 he has a healthier way of dealing with it bc baby boy stop hurting yourself :( Every sentence was so painful to read. But also his resilience the entire time to get through it no matter what, god i fucking love him!!! He is a fighter.

Jeremy's perspective is sooooo refreshing. He is such a little sweetheart i could cry. The fact that he sends hand written letters and he's so caring and genuine but he can also be so stern. When he dropped that "i asked you a question" to Lucas fkehdjdfjdh OK SIR. I'M SAT. His relationship with the family butler is so endearing as well i need more background on that for sure! My only one criticism is that he didn't have enough pov chapters and i'm hoping we'll learn more in the second book of course because there's still so much about him and his (dysfunctional? toxic?) family dynamic that we don't know yet but also i'm greedy and i wanna know EVEYTHING about him !!!

Kevin and Jean are so just tragic it actually breaks my fucking heart like "you didn't have to slit my throat on the way out" JEAN??? and "promise me you won't try again. I can't lose you." KEVIN??? And the fact that Jean to this day is still keeping that promise. Also Jean's obvious but secret long term crush on Kevin the way it's subtly dropped every time Jean has to stamp down on his desire's and "temptations" GOD PLEASE I CAN'T STAND IT

SPEAKING OF!!! BISEXUAL JEAN ??? BI JEAN??? BI JEANNNN !!!!

Neil and Jean oh my God like where do i even start?? The guilt Jean feels at what happened to Neil in the Nest and him finally calling him by his name after Riko's death and telling him his game was good. And Neil seriously needs to give himself more credit for how much of a caring person he is because the way he indirectly told Jean that he thinks he is worth saving and didn't even hesitate before asking Stuart to send someone after That Guy after what Jean told him. Neil Josten the man that you are!!!

Jean's little sister Elodie what a beautiful name. Them being so close and him reading to her. The way he found out about her death jolted me differently. It was so awful and i'm so sorry Jean didn't get to see her grow up and meet her again.

Renee and Jean oh my god. Jean thinking she's beautiful (bitch me toooo) And the whole right person wrong time ugh i can't stand it. Him wearing her necklace all the time, enough that Jeremy always notices it. And unabashedly stealing her picture from the foxes lounge. Like he did not give a fuck. He said this one is mine. One good reason to stay alive being rainbows i'm gonna FKSJSKDHDH. Theirs would be such a soft love.

Speaking of soft loves Laila and Cat are EVERYTHINGGGG. God they are so cute with their little domestic life and their rich gay boy son who crashes on their couch with his cardboard cut out dog. That whole friendship dynamic is beautiful. Their fierce protectiveness and care over Jean as well and the patience they have with him even after the little kitchen incident. When Cat took Jean out for a drive on her motorcycle god that was such a heart warming moment and Jean helping them cook as well and becoming the girls' little sous chef it's so cute so endearing !!!

FINALLY FINALLY THE JEREJEAN DYNAMIC

PLEASE I'M GONNA SCREAM

Jeremy being the one who told Jean that Riko was dead i don't even know what to begin with THAT like hhhhhhh. The way they're both stupidly attracted to each other but won't/can't do anything about it. THE WHOLE "say yes Jeremy" SCENE WTF WAS THATTT I WAS GOING INSANEEEE. Both of them having to stop mid sentence when they catch the other looking FINE as hell. Jean being so obvious that even Lucas picks up on the way he looks at Jeremy. Jeremy being there to ground Jean in a Moment and helping him come down from it. Grabbing his face and telling him he's okay. Moving into the room with him to make him feel more comfortable !! The way Jean grabs Jeremy's chin (boiiiii). Jeremy constantly reminding Jean that he is NOT A RAVEN ANYMORE no matter how many times he has to say it. Jeremy saying he'll wait as long as it takes until Jean speaks to him. JEREMY GIVING HIM A HUG AND JEAN CLUTCHING DESPERATELY TO HIS SHIRT FUUCUFHDHSJHSSUHDH and then the "will you help me?" And the "Anything you need" AND THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A CERAMICS CLASS TOGETHER?!?!?!!!! i can't i can't i can't i caaan'ttt

There's so much more to say but i'm gonna leave it at this for now because i need to go re-read it again and take my time with it this time round but i really could not have asked for anything better Nora truly outdid herself here !!! I'm forever grateful she blessed us with this after so long.

[overtaken-stream]

I'm in love with your Sendoh romantic Headcanon, can you make the Mitsui one? Pretty please.. Thank you! 🥺🤍

AH, sorry for the wait. I had a lot of fun writing this!!

Mitsui loves ear kisses because of how intimate they feel. Nibble on his lobe, kiss his helix, or show any affectionate gesture toward his ear, and watch him go pink. Only you're capable of doing that to him.

Any form of his smile—whether it’s a smirk or a full-on laugh—is ridiculously cute and not at all fitting for a guy with his intimidating reputation in the eyes of others. Even though he never had braces, it’s not like he ever needed them.

Every time he’s out with you or his friends, flashing that handsome smile, some stranger always ends up a little shaken. Maybe a couple of girls even catch a crush. That, however, isn't the worst part of this. It's the fact that he knows exactly how much you like his pearly whites, and he’s not above weaponizing that smirk against you.

Absolutely insane. If he can’t meet up with you every day, he’ll be devastated. Shohoku hates to see him like that during those times. To make up for it, he keeps a picture of just your face. It’s cropped from a photo you two took together—a close-up of your face, framed in the most beautiful frame he owns, sitting on his bedside table.

On sleepless nights, Mitsui grabs the frame, his fingers clenching around it, holding on, like a wife waiting for her husband to return from war😭

He's the meme "OooUgha, my Sha-yla, My-sheEyla..."

You better not catch him practicing basketball moves on court, or he'll rope you into it, whether you play or not.

I've said this before, but Mitsui is the type of boyfriend who randomly starts shadowboxing—except with basketball moves. He’ll dribble an invisible ball, jump uselessly, dodge around you, and shoot into an imaginary basket, all while keeping track of the score. Is it annoying? Absolutely. But it’s also his strategy to rope you into being his partner for a 1v1. Naturally, after he almost slams into you or steps on your toes one too many times, you start joining in by “stopping” the invisible ball. It’s silly, sure, but somehow, it’s your thing now. And you can't stop him. Like ever.

Mitsui gets jealous sometimes. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you—he knows you’ve stuck with him for this long, and he never doubts your love for him. But every now and then, he craves a little extra validation and comfort from you. Not always, though—just enough to remind himself he’s still your number one.

Mitsui often brings you along to his friends' hangouts—just because he can. He loves how easily you get along with them (or at least tolerate them), and it makes him happy to have you there, blending into his world.

He loves it when you run your hands through his hair or play with the short strands—it’s something he finds incredibly relaxing. Of course, it goes the other way, too; he adores running his fingers through your hair just as much.

Shamelessly possessive—not in a “you belong to me” way, but in an “I’m yours, you're mine” kind of way. Mitsui isn't afraid of showing that side of him to public.

He is a nice cook so for some dates he might invite you over to watch films and eat his cooking, Generally I have a feeling that he would enjoy walking alongside with you, hand in hand or over your shoulder.

Mitsui sleeps on his stomach with the weight of a dead man, yet somehow always manages to end up with you underneath him—unintentionally squished and completely cramped. He’s grumpy every morning until he finally gets out of bed. With his brown eyes still closed and his brows furrowed, his barely audible morning voice carries a tone of unmistakable complaints, even from just a few centimeters away.

A kiss might just be enough to put him in a good mood.

[sav-less]

disclaimer: this is the inside of my brain so if you think different then that’s great! this is just to be silly / i’m procrastinating life, so we’re chill 😎

hogwarts legacy modern au: music headcanons

characters included: shadow trio, poppy, imelda, garreth, natsai, anne, also blurb about leander (ily lee but i was tired of editing)

sebastian sallow

Sebastian is that one insufferable guy (love him). He’s moody as hell and he uses music as a form of processing (im self inserting rn). A lot of his top music is reflective of what he’s going through. For the most part he’s into indie rock and alt rock, but if there’s a song that he can even sort of relate to then he’s all over it. He thinks he’s brooding, he’s edgy, he’s angsty. We all know he made 2014 tumblr his BITCH. And he has NOOO IDEA how ABBA ended up in his top 5. He’ll say it was Ominis. He’ll say he was hacked. (his fav ABBA song is Lay All Your Love On Me)

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ominis gaunt

Ominis wears his headphones everywhere, listening to some of the most beautiful music but also the most devastating music. He likes a genre to his music that gives off a certain “guys i SWEAR im fine haha..” vibe to the function. he’s nostalgic, he’s yearnful, he’s emotionally very connected to music and is one of those people that will cry when a song is really good (me too) (he’ll swallow the lump down, just know he’s feelin it). aside from his top artists he also listens to a bunch of instrumentals when he’s studying. we all know he plays the piano. yes Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call by Bleachers is secretly about Sebastian (tea). yes She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel is secretly ab my MC (TEAA!). yes ABBA is there on purpose! this man knows every lyric to Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

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ella collins (OC/MC)

Ella really just wants to live in a cottage and be a fairy but she’s also just a girl. she has a song associated to every person she’s ever had a crush on and any person that’s ever done her wrong. she has a playlist for that one guy. she’s posting a screenshot of the song she’s listening to on her story for one person to watch. when she’s feeling petty she sends Sebastian songs DIRECTLY cause she’s mad at him. 4/5 of these songs are about him i fear. she loves music because she never has to get over anything. grudges are timeless. she’s crazy and this is a self insert.

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garreth weasley

#GiveGarreththeAux (Garreth wrote this). Garreth is a vibes guy and will defend those vibes with his whole chest. “How can you not like this song? Just say you hate me! High School Musical soundtrack is top tier. Kate Bush is a legend. Hozier is a wizard, have you seen his hair? I want his hair.” He’s fun as hell. Car rides with him are never boring, and as much as he loves his music he wants to hear your music cause he just wants to listen to everything. doesn’t care where the music came from. if he likes it he likes it. gotta party with this guy.

(Noah Kahan is his top artist bc even tho he’s a vibes guy, he has such a heart. peep My False Confidence. ily Garreth.)

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natsai onai

Natsai’s minutes listened is the lowest because she’s too busy dismantling the patriarchy and abolishing the system to listen most of the time. She grew up in the Katniss Everdeen generation. There’s not one man vocalist on her playlist because doesn’t really care what they have to say. She’s not super picky about the genre but listening to guitar riffs makes her feel like she’s ascending and so she loves that shit. She begged her mom to let her go to a Paramore concert when she was twelve and she has band posters covering her walls from corner to corner. She knows musical theory because duh. I love her.

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anne sallow

personally i HC as the coolest girl alive. she’s friends with literally everyone. if she smiles at you you think the world is spinning solely for her. she’s just effortlessly that girl. and even tho she seems sweet and a little quiet let it be known she is absolutely BLASTING hypercore or glitchpop or some stuff like that in her headphones. she just likes the way music sounds, she doesn’t GAF what they’re saying. she just wants her brain to go bzzzzzzz. my girl!!! (her and garreth are actually LETHAL at parties. like banger for banger, they’re besties. if they’re throwing a party you WANT to be there) (her and Natsai are fangirling about imogen heap bc she’s a musical genius)

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poppy sweeting

Poppy my love. I see you. I hear you. I love you and all your big emotions. she’s dissecting lyrics like it’s no one’s business. In another life somewhere she’s an English and Psychology double major. she’s telling me what a metaphor is and im listening because I’ll listen to anything she says. she’s telling me her attachment style is anxious and yk what hell yeah me too please don’t leave me. every song she listens to serves a purpose. her and garreth have gone to five different shows to see Noah Kahan and Lizzy McAlpine together. The Louvre is about Imelda. GODDD The Louvre is about Imelda. my heart.

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imelda reyes

Imelda is the manifesting queen. she is a confident queen. she’s cool as hell. she seems mean at first glance but that’s only because she is locked TF in. between her million high level classes, every sport she’s plays, and her social life— she has to be focused. she needs music that will put her in the headspace. her top 5 songs are naturally on her ‘pregame’ playlist that she plays before every game (with the exception of #4. she’s pregaming therapy with that one). shes gonna graduate top of her class and go pro at some sport and no one is gonna be surprised. you go girlfriend. my girlfriend.

honorable mention: Leander is THE rock man, specifically acid/psychedelic rock. He’s shaking his head and playing air guitar. he’s asking his parents to get him a drum set for Christmas still. He thinks he would’ve been asked to join The Beatles if they were still a band. big big fan.

to everyone that talked through this with me either messaging or on the og post, thank you 💚 @mrsgoofygracie your wonderful ABBA sebinis theory is now cemented in my silly post

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 34

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 6k

A/N: Home stretch approaching. Guys I'm not ready.

When you’re alone the only light you allow is that of the television. 

You find yourself keeping busy with the book your former student bought you before her graduation last school year. You realize that it’s hard to keep busy these days. You find the hours alone, in a place not your own more isolating than ever. Lonelier than the nights in your dorm room or summer evenings in New York where you seemingly had nothing to do.

You look over your shoulder again when Javier drives away. You find yourself missing when your pressing issues are whether or not kissing is allowed in this arrangement. Now you find yourself waiting for his call, in the tv glow and with a book pressed to your face. 

You decide if he doesn’t call tonight you’ll call him tomorrow. You’ll make plans of your own, maybe make plans with your brother, try to speak with your mother. Go on a run. Maybe that. 

The night comes fast on you, so does your exhaustion but your eyes fight in hopes to be conscious to hear the call.

Javier dials your number almost to completion before he decides against it. He ashes his cigarette and flips through the folder on his desk. He wonders what would be your reaction if he told you about the picture of you on his desk back in Bogotá. You’d get all red and he’d be overcome with the urge to kiss you hard. 

In the folder lay his land rights. The acres Chucho bought him many years ago. The next page is the signature of his mother and of his father. Javier can’t help but run his thumb over his mother’s name. 

He hears Lorraine’s words, he sees you standing so quickly to defend him from the truth. He also feels your fingers on the soft skin of his lobe, taking care of him the way he did you. It terrified him, it terrifies him to be loved even after all he’s done. 

In 1986 it had been easy. They had to sneak around but it had been easy. Juvenile, exciting yet so beautiful. He hadn’t anticipated needing to be taken care of and it fucks him up. He felt like a fucking idiot for crying and begging while fucking himself on you. Felt even worse when he desperately wanted your warm touch after his phone call with Lorraine.

And he never wanted to face it but Lorraine broke him. 

There was a part of him waiting to be healed.

It’s not like he grew up in a toxic environment where he wasn’t allowed to cry or admit defeat but somehow it found its way to his center. Being vulnerable with you was easy, it used to be. Sometimes he’d get stuck then pull himself out of it. Or you would. 

The thought of becoming a father was the shock of his life, the mother Lorraine made it so. He thinks back on it and can almost feel the exact terror and anxiety and devastation he felt those long two weeks. He remembers the feeling in his chest when he saw you in 7/11, a face of nothing which really meant everything.  

She ripped him to pieces, head to toe. 

He felt it all over when he looked into her eyes and saw nothing in a whole different way. 

No remorse, just the attempt to shift the blame. 

Javier closes his eyes. On three, he exhales. 

He hopes he can fall asleep this way. 

But he imagines the phone ringing and sits up. 

And the thought of you being beyond the line washes all his nerves away.

But there’s no sound. No one has called him, 

Instead his fingers move to dial numbers he’s embarrassed to have memorized. 

It rings twice and he considers abandoning the idea altogether. 

“Hello, who is this?”

“Javier… Peña” He’s on the edge of his bed. 

She exhales, “I was waiting on this call.”

Your morning is slow. And quite frankly, this town  You offered to help your mother make dinner for the family tonight. 

You run in the meantime, pulling your hair high at the top of your head and lacing your sneakers. Your eyes flit to the phone on the nightstand and pathetically you stall for a few moments in case he calls. 

Then you swear to yourself and begin your run. 

The weather bites at your cheeks and you make it out of the road in just 7 minutes of running. Eventually you get residential, passing by houses of sort-of-friends you had in High School. You pass your high school and cringe at the fact that you nearly taught in that place. 

Your hair is blown by a bike passing you on your left. Eyes widening at the new bike lane added. You picture yourself on your bike, leaned forward attempting to keep up, hearing Javier yell from behind you. “Watch for cars Andrea!” You’d turn your head over your shoulder and grin. He’d roll his eyes and prove that he’s only at your pace for your own well being before speeding up in front of you. Making you squeal and increase speed. 

It’s so long ago yet you see it. You see the khaki shorts and baseball ringer t-shirt. You see Javier in a red baseball cap. 

The hill is steep before town. Main street lay on the bottom of two hills. Trenton avenue which leads you to the high school on one side and Dale street that leads you to the farms and ranches. That’s the side you and Javier lived on. Granted Javier’s was a bit farther and deeper into that side of town, often needing to climb another hill or cut through the mini trail in the woods. 

This was the best part of town, the lake was on this side. You think you’ll take a stop there. 

You run through town and find the bench you and Frankie would have ice cream before you met Javier. Recalling him pinching your nose when you accidentally made him drop his cone. He was so angry he hadn’t known what to do with his hands that he ended up just gripping the tip of your nose. You screamed all nasally then you two laughed until your ribs hurt. 

The bike stand where you nearly got mugged was gone, it’s where you met Javier, voice cracks and all. Back when you were so young you could never picture Javier even looking in your way— in that way.  

The hill up toward your house made you break a significant sweat. You look ahead and can’t seem to pinpoint just one moment. There were too many memories on this street. 

You picture the Peña pickup parked on the opposite side of the street. You with your hands on his chest, making out in the pale moonlight, the feeling of his hands on waist—and lower. “You’re a dream” he once moaned against your lips. 

You keep your head on the ground when you pass your home. Shaking your head, wondering why you agreed to seeing your mother. Wiping sweat from below your nose, you feel your shoe loosening and also your pace. Rolling your eyes once the bow becomes fully unraveled. You get on one knee and begin tying your shoe.

“Andrea? Diaz?” A man calls from ahead. You peer up, securing your bunny ears and standing. You put a hand above your brow to shield the sun, he’s shirtless and running too. A hand towel tucked at the waist of his shorts and he’s glistening and jacked. Your brows raise.

“Yes?” Squinting, it dawns on you. Brian Flores, the senior who asked you to homecoming. “Brian?”

“Holy shit long time—you look great.” He puts his hands on his hips and sizes you up again. It makes you want to run. 

You give him a thin lipped smile and nod. “Thank you—you as well.” You gesture to his ridiculous stature, “What do you— What have you been up to. I haven’t seen you since high school.” Since you used me as a bet. 

“Yeah! I played football at LSU then got my degree in History, completing my masters at UT Austin, working on a PHD in Caribbean history. I’m home for the holidays. Holy shit what a blast from the past.”

You felt like a bitch for not expecting all of that. You had just assumed someone to do something so cruel would never really turn their behavior around. You found yourself flushed with being in the presence of someone in your field. You placed your hands on your hips cooley, mirroring him. “Shoot I went to school for history. Wound up teaching in New York City.” You laugh, not to talk down your own work but it was a bit funny, He grins. 

“No way- I work as an adjunct professor at two different community colleges in my area. I’ve just got a spot at NYU for the next semester. UT Austin is allowing me to continue my program out there. I’d love to talk more about this— I just— I’ve been home and there’s no one to talk to about history or about anything that isn’t Laredo.” 

“Tell me about it. I don’t understand how none of these people don’t leave this hell. I just had to put my head down when I ran by my mother’s house.” A joke you wouldn't have dared to make to a stranger two years ago. He laughs in response, nodding in agreement. 

“I just ran past LHS and felt genuine panic at the thought of a school bell ringing.” 

“Me too!” You bend forward from the genuine laugh he’s gotten out of you. 

“Can I join you? I was just finishing up but if you want some company?” 

You furrow your brows, squinting at the road ahead and hill leading to Javier house in the distance. You’d better turn around. “Uh- I was thinking of walking back to my hotel.”

“What? That’s too far, my cars a few blocks away. I can give you a lift.” 

You look up at the road ahead of you, and think of the run you’ve already taken. Walking back did seem like a drag at that point. You picture your homecoming dress hung on the door of your closet and get a salty taste in your mouth.

You swallow and agree. 

He tells you about teaching, about his dissertation. You strangely feel inferior, he’s older than you, yes, and practically a stranger but sometimes you wonder what your life would like if you continued in academia. Then you remember how it felt to be a student and not the teacher and that feeling goes as fast as it came. He makes you laugh and on the third time he slows down his steps. 

“You know, you’re somehow more beautiful than I remembered.” He grabs the tag from his pocket and wipes his forehead. 

“Oh-“ You laugh awkwardly, so awkward it comes off as a flirtatious giggle that has him beaming. “Oh thank you—you know you look great.” 

“I’ll be in New York in mid January. Would you want to get dinner—you could show me the ways of your neighborhood.” 

Your eyes widen and your steps halt. He stops too, smirking as if he knew your answer. Like always, your face gives away your every emotion. His smile fades, “Oh…” he clears his throat and you continue walking. So does he, he wipes his brow again. “I see, I don’t know why I assumed someone as beautiful as you would be single. In New York City at that.” He laughs it off, his confidence still beaming. 

You fix your jaw, brain racing. Wondering if it’s dumb, if you’re just immature and a grudge holding demon. Or if you’ve grown to be someone extremely protective of your younger self. You’d like to believe it’s the second one, you think it’s that. Every person that hurt you changed a part of you for better or for worse. He hurt you and it seems like he doesn’t remember.

You don’t respond to his ask of your relationship status. 

“Do you remember we had American Government together? It was your senior year.” 

You ask and Brian nods.

 “You pulled me aside after class and you called me beautiful. You asked me to homecoming the next day.” His brows furrowed like not a single bell was ringing. 

“Would I be a total ass if I told you that I don’t remember going to homecoming.”

You chuckle, and he feels like he’s in the clear. There’s really nothing for him to be in the clear of. It’s not like this bitter memory would be the determining factor in the case of his date proposal. You’re not a child. “No, because we did not go together. I’m sure you remember Johnny? Saylor?”

“Shit you know Johnny?”

“No but he knows me. He put me on that list. Most fuckable freshman. Additional fifteen for taking her to homecoming, some cash if you kiss and apparently double the payout if you fuck her–bonus points if she’s a virgin. Awful stuff. ” You cross your arms, at fifteen you were too naive to imagine the gross games boys could play. The disregard for women–girls. You, a girl disregarded, will not allow it to happen again. Brian sets his jaw, you watch his calf muscles tighten at the incline of the hill you’re trudging. He looks at you, a bit of worry in his brow. You don’t feel guilty, you just hope he isn’t interpreting this as some trap to make him apologize. You just want to know if he ever thinks of you, if he’s blocked out the memory or has done far worse in his life. Maybe betting on a freshmans virginity is child's play in the grand scheme of a man's life.

So young, you were kissing your hand for practice. He was plotting how to prove to his teammates that he is the most unstoppable, the very best–actually you don’t even know what he would get out of this and that makes you angrier. You swallow it down. 

He stops in his tracks, so fast you almost don’t notice. You turn to face him, legs straining from the steepness of the hill. “It was you who subscribed to that sex line under my family phone. I’m–it was just a stupid senior thing. I’m not the same person if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I’m not trying to imply anything.” Sometimes I need to hurt, I need to know that something that felt like everything is in fact nothing to you. “When I realized it was you, that's all I could think of.” You shrug it off. Leveling the climb, steps away from the dirt driveway of Chucho Peña. 

“Well… I’m sorry. I’m not necessarily proud of the person I was when I was seventeen. It’s why I avoid coming here–home, to Laredo. I’m sure you understand though.” It slides off his tongue bitterly. Your brow jumps, scanning his profile now that you walk side by side. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“You know what I mean.”

You stop again, at the open space where the sidewalk ends and becomes the driveway you probably shouldn’t be stanced at. “I really don’t.” You grow impatient and he huffs out a laugh. Changing in an instant.

“Hooking up with guys at parties – coming back to date your friend's ex boyfriend. That was more of a recent poor decision. I was at the wedding by the way.” He chuckles again like a wannabe cartoon villain. Of course he was at the wedding. 

None of it hurts you. You laugh back at him, a little manic. “Jesus fucking christ.” You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“What?”

“Keeping tabs on me? Try harder, you’ve got it all wrong Brian.” 

He tenses up and takes a step closer to you that makes this a lot less fun than it was ten seconds ago. Reminded how it felt when Xavier would take a step closer to yell at you with a shorter range. Suddenly he’s bigger, his shoulders dwarf yours and you feel grateful that the sun is out. “I knew I shouldn'tve asked you on a date, you're still that attention seeking cunt you were in high school.” He grits, spit flying between teeth. His nostrils flare and the blood from your cheeks pale. His hand grips your arm and you nearly squeal. “Walking around–”

The screen door slams and you jump in an entirely new way. Excitement. “What’s going on?” A hint of southern drawl comes from your left. Fingerprints no longer pressed on delicate skin, the weak man backs away. 

Javier steps down the few steps into his driveway, button down shirt tucked in jeans. Hair mustled with sleep and a cigarette in hand. A modern cowboy. 

“Javier, long time.” He plays it cool, leaning hard on the crutch of Javier having been inside when he called you a cunt with a spray. Leaning on the crutch of how he thinks things ended between the two of you at the wedding. 

Javier keeps a glare on Brian as he approaches. Scanning his face, then the hand that dare grip you. He gazes at you for a moment, doing another scan but over your body. Trying to find any signs of harm when he doesn’t he looks back at Brian’s face, now devoid of the post run redness he had been sporting. 

“Why were you holding my woman like that?” Javier spits, flicking his lit cigarette on the ground. And you swear if it were anyone else your head would fall off your neck, tell them off and say that you’re nobodies anything. That you belong to yourself. But a shameless arousal, pit in your stomach and skip of heartbeat makes you realize that when it comes out of those lips it's just right. 

You had always found it silly when Javier would step up to guys back when you were kids. He wasn’t typically a violent, short tempered guy but often found himself in positions of protectiveness. He had the voice and confidence of someone who could fuck you up but you never really witnessed him following through. He never had to, his presence was enough to make a bully back off. 

But this is a different Javi. 

A Javi that for all these people knew, killed Pablo Escobar. A man hardened by the police force, leading bloody raids and interrogations. A man who follows through to the highest degree. It’s all things that he was forced to experience in that job, made him callous in ways that hurt to watch. But brings a whole part of man you’ve never seen. It thrills you.

You feel that same rush when the midday sun reflects on the rear end of a silver glock tucked in the waistband of your man. 

Brian glances at the shining light and tenses again, somehow. “My bad man. We just had a miscommunication.”

Javier’s jaw clenches. “I should shoot your fucking hand off.” He says it so coolly. You’ve never seen him this violent yet you believe he would. His face has a casted darkness you’re unfamiliar with. Maybe it should scare you, it doesn’t. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me. Apologize to her.” 

Brian looks at you, chin quivering and you fight the urge to grin. Your cunt aches and this is so wrong, wrong time, you think.

“I’m really sorry–for putting–for grabbing you. For homecoming, for getting angry. I am.” Brian stumbles over his words. You nod and glance back at Javi because you simply no longer want to look at his face. Javier reads you instantly, you almost forget that he had been avoiding you until this very moment. 

Javi folds to your wordless request of let's move on but requires some parting words before he does. 

“I swear to god I’ll shoot you square in the head if you ever come on my property again.” 

Your breath dies in your throat. 

Brian nods and walks in the opposite direction of where he said his car was. An additional unease adding to your flipping stomach. Wondering where he was leading you. 

Javier watches until he’s out of sight before turning on his heels and walking back to the house. You sit there dumb for a few seconds before following him, the truck was absent. Chucho was out. “What were you doing out here?” Javi grits, the back of his head shaking like somehow this was your fault. The tone is so judgemental, you feel the coil in your belly tighten. 

You cross your arms, trailing him into the house. He makes a left for the kitchen and you follow. “I was on a run and bumped into him.” Javier keeps his back to you while he places his gun on the counter top and shuffles to grab a glass. 

 He looks over his shoulder and cocks a brow. “On a run. Past my house.” 

“I wasn't planning on passing your house.” You mock, wanting to stomp your foot. “I chatted with him at the bottom of the hill and offered me a ride, said his car was up here.” Jayda said this to you once, your little southern accent pops out when you're mad. You would get so red from embarrassment. You burn hot now, the way it slips through. 

“Getting rides from strangers?” Javier turns around and leans against the sink, mirroring your crossed arms. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” You step closer, the smell of him engulfing you. You want to lick at the seam of his mouth. 

“Needed space.” He mumbles, eyes dropping to the floor. 

“Hah.” 

He looks up, “What?” 

“She got in your head. She’s good at that. She's a broken person, she wants to see you just like her.” That's the way she kept him under her talon grip for so long, tearing him down, make him forget himself so she could mold him to fit right beside her. 

He nodded, “She did. I needed space and I journaled. And I called your hotel an hour ago.”

“Journaled?”

“I called my therapist. Don’t have a journal so I had to fucking write it on a old notebook from high school. It worked anyway.” 

Your lips quirk, warmth blooming beneath your skin. Still, short tempered and thrilled by the past ten minutes. “Good. I wasn’t there.”

“Yeah, I see that.” He huffs a breath and turns to grab the glass of water he poured. 

“I could take care of myself by the way.” You say it. It’s true, you've been without him before. You also say it because it isn’t true. You can't even begin to count the amount of times you found yourself on a subway just wishing Javier was there. You are capable, it's just incredibly reassuring to have someone who’s willing to take care of you and maybe it’s wrong to think since you’re a modern career woman and all but it is also incredibly hot.

To be fair, he did grab you. That was alarming territory you've never been in, you needed someone at that moment. 

“Hah.” He does it right back.

You flare your nostrils accepting defeat in that brief interaction. Still you see that he’s worked up and easy to annoy so you try it. “He asked me on a date.”

“Assumin’ you said no.” You blink slowly as if to say yes, dumbass and Javier shrugs. “Why’d you say no?”

Your chest rises in a thrill again, you know where this will lead. Just call me yours, be angry about the way grabbed me but also be angry that he’d dare ask me out. 

“Don’t know if you recall but he wasn’t the greatest to me back in high school.” You pull your hair tie out of your hair, ponytail dropping now that your runners heat left your system. “What. You jealous?”

He clenches his jaw and pauses with his glass to his lips. He places the cup down again. “Angrier at what I walked out on. But yeah I’m jealous.” His eyes rove from the top of your head, the shoulders covered by a red windbreaker, to the dip where your sports bra displays your breasts and down to your biker shorts. 

“Where’s your father?” You ask and his brows threaten to raise in excitement. You slip the coat off and place it on the chair behind you. 

“Staying at his lady friend's house. Again.” He presses his lips in a fine line. Your heart leaps at the idea of Chucho finally finding someone for himself, huh, no wonder he’s been in his own little world since I’ve been back. 

You think about the plans you’ve made with your mother at six and glance at the clock. Half past two. 

“Will you continue to journal?” You ask and Javier’s face drops a bit.

“Uh– yeah.”

“What else did your therapist say?”

“I don’t really–”

“I know, I know just-”

“She’s referring me to someone. So I can continue.”

You stay silent for a moment. Heart swollen and ready to burst. Embarrassingly aroused. “Alright.” 

Javier clenches his jaw again and steps forward, like you’re stressing him. It’s cute, the concerned little face he gets, like he’s fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Alright…”

You say nothing at this and walk out the kitchen and straight to his room. Instantly you remove your top and pause with a smile to yourself when you see the Calculus marble notebook tabbed with a pen on his desk. His room is still tidy, his bed made. You fling your bra on the chair of his desk. The Houston PD poster was removed from his wall, beside that it’s unchanged. You’ve spent most of your holiday hours here yet never with enough mental space to really take it all in. 

 His footsteps follow once his brain catches up to what this was all for. He walks into the room and you feel his stare on the fine bones and muscles of your back. Stepped out your shoes and pulled down your pants leaving you clad in plain black panties. 

You look over your shoulder at him, his chest is rising and falling, eyes full of hunger and adoration. Despite your attempt at being sexy, you blush so hard that it spreads to the plane of bone between your breasts as you walk toward the bed and crawl to the headboard. Turning to sit topless with your legs spread for him in the center of his bed. You bite back a smile at his starved gaze. Your hand slips over your panties and he inhales a sharp breath

“Will you come here and make me feel better?”

 You arch your back and he takes no time in coming forward and getting on the bed. You shuffle to give him enough space to settle between your legs.

 His eyes are trained on the outline of your cunt through your bottoms, he's waiting patiently. “I want you to kiss me.” Your finger taps your clothed clit, “Right here.”  

Javier's fingers grip and grab at the meat of your thighs before he leans in.

Pressing a feather light kiss atop your clit, you run your fingers through his hair in praise. Then he opens his mouth and drags his bottom lip from the center of your cunt to your covered clit again. Making out with your pussy without taking off your underwear. You watch in complete awe, more turned than ever. You couldn’t believe you ever put up with someone not doing this for you. Every man you’ve been with felt like this was a required task, unenthusiastic licking and a step to get you to return the favor. 

Every time Javier Peña eats you out he acts as if it's his one and only purpose in life.

You can't take it any longer, parting your hands from his hair and pulling your panties to the side. He grunts satisfied before connecting his molten mouth to your sex. His mouth immediately back to work, tongue flattening and flicking. Calloused palms holding on tightly. “Want to eat your pussy every day–” You’re bucking your hips, it’s involuntary. It’s second nature and he holds you down. His hand slides down your calves and places your legs over his shoulders, taking full control of your body while his wet mouth draws broad stripes along your weeping cunt.

And you’re a mess, a blush spread across your breasts. Head moving to be hidden while you moan uncontrollably. Embarrassing pants leaving your lips and whining like a virgin. It’s rare you could moan without the worries of surrounding tenants hearing. Yet it isn’t just the freedom to make noise but the fact that you missed his mouth on you. How you yearn for his cock, how you aren’t strong enough to play this game anymore. 

Then you picture him, at his desk, writing down how he’s been feeling. Putting those thoughts to paper, feeling satisfied and calm. And in the aftermath, calling you.

That makes you arch your back and let out a tearful whimper. Your fingers tug at his hair, pulling him to look at you. His face is a sight, nose and lips wet and puffy. He exhales his brows pulling together. 

“Don’t think I’m rewarding you for your healthy habit– be-because I want you to do it for yourself not because I-” You ramble and he chuckles and dives back into your cunt. “I–Ohhh–fuck.”

Kiss, “Because what?” He murmurs against you. You scowl but it fades fast when sanctions around your sensitive clit.  

“Mnmh–because–I’m not going to reward you–”

“You’re not?” He moans, his voice vibrating against you and you might just come all over his face at that. 

“No. Javier. I will not.”

“Okay.” 

Javier continues fuck you with his tongue, whispering small praises. You reel back and shut your brain just for pleasure and how badly you’ve missed his hands. You wonder what It would take for you to not think about how badly you missed him. 

And you’re about to come when you start to ramble again. “Javi– I’ll- I’m proud of you–oh right there– I missed-.”

He doesn’t look up this time, just mumbles, “Andrea.”

“Yeah” He kisses just right and you arch again. 

“Shut up.” 

You nod and he parts his face from your sopping cunt. You shriek at the intrusion of his fingers. Sitting upright and gripping his arm planted on the bed. Fucking you fast with his thick deft fingers. Your mouth is parted and so is his while you watch the way you gush around his fingers. Impossibly wet, your nails drag up his forearm to his bicep. Digging in and leaning forward. In a dangerous zone too close, you might drunkenly kiss him. You hide your face in the crook of his neck. “You like that baby?” 

You nod, in a space where words are too hard in this state. “My perfect girl–I missed you too. Oh fuck” He leans forward and shuts his eyes. You’re blushing hard, breasts rubbing against his arm and chest.”Go ahead, come on my fingers Andrea.”

And with his permission, you do. A stomach coiling, white eyed and whining orgasm that sends a head rush so fast you fall further into his chest. Lips wet, effectively drooling. Blissed out. He wipes his hand on the mattress and cradles the back of your head. Kissing you gently at your crown. Your chest rises, and falls. 

Your senses come back one by one. You blink your vision in place. Ears stop ringing and you pull apart. Hands roving down his chest, shakingly, approaching his belt. 

But Javier stops you short, hand on your own. “I-” Is all he can say before your eyes widen at his dark spot on his jeans. Your eyes are still blurry but a warmth blooms at the pit of your stomach. Your brows furrow and hide a smile. Satisfaction. Pride.

Made my twenty-seven year old ex boyfriend come in his pants like some teenager. I did that. 

“Are you sure?” You run your hand over his semi. You watch his jaw clenching. Eyes fluttering from the sudden wave of exhaustion. He turns his head and he kisses your cheek. 

“You’re sleepy.” He mumbles and kisses again. You loosen against him, accepting that truth. Your hand moves to his waist. He cradles your head against him. “Tired from being fucked like a princess.” He mocks. You bite his shoulder lightly. You can’t even get mad at his teasing. All it takes is one orgasm and you’re dozing off. Meanwhile Javier seemingly gained an arm pump and broke a sweat from all this physical activity. You don’t care all that much, you deserve it. 

You push him away and lay back into his bed. “You like me this way.” You whisper, burying your face in his pillow. It smells just like him, you’d like to take it to New York with you. He chuckles at the way your leg bends and spreads your arms across the bed. You’re so tired you don’t even notice how provocative your position is. Exposing yourself, pressed together by your thighs. He sighs through a smile, kneading the soft skin of your behind before leaning forward to kiss it. Watching you drift off at the soft caress of his fingers. 

You wanted this to be like this every day. 

“Will you come with me to Houston for New Years?” He whispers. Brain foggy and coated with exhaustion you nuzzle your nose further into the pillow as if to say, huh? He reads it as such, “I promised to visit some old friends. I don’t want to waste anymore days without you.”

Your lips curl and you turn on your back. Sitting up slowly, rubbing your eyes. Mind betraying you, your body warms at the memories of New Orleans. Images of beignets in the morning and a hand passing through your hair. It betrays you, it does. 

You’re happy that it does.

 Shrugging and laying back down. He continues to press small tight kisses on the curve of your hip. A worship. “What time is it?”

He pauses. Look to your left. Clearing his throat, sobering at the prospect of you leaving. 

“Three.”

You smile, “Okay. Lay with me for two hours.”

Javier chuckles and smooths his hand up to your back. He needs no convincing. It was your favorite thing to do that summer. Just lay with each other, rid all responsibilities. Merge into one. He settles in next to you with a grunt, draping the covers over the two of you. You mewl in satisfaction and turn into his side, holding onto his tightly. Not caring how gross or obsessive it is, you inhale through your nose. Loving the way he smells. You’d go home, to a house that he never occupied, to a room he’s never seen. And you wished you had anything to bury your face in, ease the hurt. 

“Not going anywhere querida.” He chuckles and your death grip on his waist. Reaching down to kiss your crown. You protest against him when he shifts his body. 

“Bring your journal.” You say breathless.

“Huh?”

“To Houston.”

“So you’re coming.”

“Obviously.”

“Oh okay. It’s just one night I don’t know-”

You give yourself a break from smothering yourself to look up at him and frown. You whisper with warning, “Javi.”

His nostrils flare, stone cold face cracking into a smile. He could never keep up with it. He swipes his hand over his mustache, trying to conceal his grin.

“Alright. No need to yell."

You roll your eyes and nuzzle against him once more.

[stevierogersbabygirl]

Forbidden love

(Stepfather!Steve Rogers x Reader AU)

Run-through: Your mother just passed away and your stepfather, Steve fills in the hole he has in his sex life, with you.

Themes: angst, smut, age gap

A/N : READER IS 22

A month ago, devastating news arrived.

Your mother passed away from a long battle with breast cancer, leaving you alone with your step-father, Steve Rogers.

Your mom gave birth to you as a teen, and divorced your abusive biological father when you were 12, and since then you have cut contact with him.

8 years later, your mother meets Steve, and gets married to him only a year later, and he becomes the man in your life that you've never had.

You've always had a small internal crush on the man. He is handsome, tall, muscular, and has beautiful blue eyes, and you knew all your girlfriends had some sort of jealousy about your father-daughter relationship with him. All of those physical traits would not come into value if it wasn't for his beautiful personality. Never have you ever heard him have horrible fights with your mother, he was just perfect. Wait.. no this is totally wrong.

You should not be crushing on your father figure and mom's new husband like this, so you've never acted out on these feelings, but no matter how much you convince yourself it's wrong, you always feel the same way about him. So incredibly hot.

You could not wrap your head around the fact that it's happened, that she's gone, and you'd never see her again. It's been really tough for you and Steve.

A month has went past and you notice Steve has started behaving oddly, he was trying to get closer to you in a way that was unusual.

It started with walking around the house shirtless to 'accidentally' walking into you showering, all just to see your reaction, which was an uncomfortable frown on your face.

Today you've decided to finally confront him.

It was around midnight, and the reason it took you until midnight was to gather up courage to confront the guy. You were scared if he would react negatively, as that man is generally intimidating, but finally you've gained all the courage.

You stormed down the hall to the master bedroom with heavy footsteps, and knocked on the door. After a few seconds, Steve opened the door and casually asked with that warm smile on his face "What's up?"

You replied, trying to calm down your angriness, "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, come in." He said, gesturing you to come inside the room.

You'd stand by the door while you faced him, and you started with, "What's up with all of that shit you do?"

He'd smile wider, looking more innocent, "What shit?" oh you wanted to punch that dumb, innocent smile.

"Walking around the house shirtless, confiscating my sex toys, walking into me showering, why? What do you want?" You'd ask, sounding angrier, crossing your arms, which he thought was cute.

"Doll," He'd say, moving to the front of his bed to sit down, patting the space next to him which gestured you to sit next to him.

You subconsciously followed as instructed.

"Y/N, I've observed how you look at attractive men about my age. I've observed how you talk about my attractiveness to your friends, and I've noticed you staring whenever I got shirtless." He'd say shamelessly, with that same smile on his face.

You'd look at him speechless.

"I know you want me, and I want you too." He said, his smirk widening, as he tucked a hair strand behind your ear.

You'd have that same look at him, out of words.

It all made sense now. Ever since his wife passed away, there was a big hole in his sex life, and the only one who can truly fill it, is you.

"Say something, doll." He said softly, in contrast to his words seconds ago.

"Steve.. but my mom.." You said quietly, stuttering a bit.

"Don't worry about her, sweetheart. Enjoy the moment." He said, gently placing his hand on your thigh and moving it upwards and downwards.

You had felt like Steve betrayed your mother by acting out on his sexual urges towards you, but you've also wanted this for a long time.

Your breathing would fasten, as you turned to look into his eyes as he looked back at yours.

"Are you up for this, Y/N?" Asked Steve, as a tent began to rise in his boxers.

You nodded, your underwear getting increasingly wet.

Steve smirked devilishly, pushed you back-first onto the bed, pulled down your underwear slightly and placed a finger on your folds, making you jump a little. He'd massage your folds slowly, and would go faster, using his thumb to massage your clit.

He'd then insert a finger and slowly move it in and out of your walls, making you have faster breathing and moan in pleasure as your hands grabbed the bedsheets tighter. Then he inserted a second finger and went faster, making your breathing a lot faster as you grasped on the bedsheets tighter.

Steve then leaned down to have a deep kiss with you as he fingered you faster, and finally you felt your walls tighten as you came violently around his fingers.

You'd pant a lot, face reddened, as you decided to look at Steve to see him undressing.

In no time his cock was infront of your mound, as he dragged it up and down your folds.

"I want you to beg, doll." He'd say, still dragging his cock up and down your folds, and you'd reply with "Please Steve I'll be a good girl I promise."

"I want you to call me daddy." He'd say, staring deep into your eyes with his sea blue eyes. So you begged with that nickname multiple times, until he decided it was enough and pushed his cock slowly into you as he stretched you out, making both of you moan simultaneously.

He'd first fuck you slowly, occasionally leaning down to give you kisses, but in no time he'd be fucking you faster and rougher, sometimes even choking your neck and spitting into your mouth.

"Are you close baby?" He'd ask between thrusts. You'd reply with a yes and beg even more, which made him fuck you even harder until you came. He came right after, coating your womb with his cum.

He slowly pulled out and enjoyed the little view of his semen trailing out of your pussy. Both of you were panting hard.

You thought at that moment, damn, this will change everything forever.

[jaehunnyy]

Seonghwa headcanons - He needs a partner for the family dinner

Genre: fake dating, fluff, acquaintances-to-lovers

Word count: 1k

Pairing: Seonghwa x gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of a forced relationship, kissing, time skip, a shitty ex, possible grammar mistakes

a/n: happy belated birthday to my love @starrysvn! i hope you will accept this gift from your secret santa; im sorry it took quite a lot and ik it might be a bit rusty, but i made it with love so i hope you will enjoy it 🤍❄️

☆ To say Seonghwa was stressed was an understatement—the boy was devastated the moment his lover (better said, ex) broke up with him, right before the Christmas dinner they planned with his family. 

☆ There he found himself, trapped in the dirty abyss of overthinking as he tried to find a way to make it through—though it seemed quite impossible. 

☆ All the people who could have possibly helped him have already left to the comfort of their homes, leaving him alone in the campus; or so he thought, before an idea snapped through his pretty head.

☆ He knew from a friend that Y/n was never leaving for Christmas due to how far they lived, so that meant that maybe they were still around the campus; and as bad as he felt for having to ask you this as you didn’t really know lots about each other (you were simple acquaintances due to some common friends you two shared), he decided that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask. 

☆ He had always admired your beautiful soul and your bright eyes, but his ex didn’t really let him approach you due to the unnecessary possessiveness they felt over Seonghwa (and still, they had the heart to leave him). 

☆ You were throwing a little concert in your room, dancing and singing quite loudly to try and make your holidays a bit more interesting; little did you know they were about to be the most interesting ones in a while. 

☆ You heard a knock on your door, wondering who the person who dared to bother you from your daily routine was—and as soon as you saw a halo of blonde, ravished hair in front of you, you started to get more curious. 

“Seonghwa? Shouldn’t you be home since like—a day ago?” 

☆ The boy shrugged, an innocent, playful smile stretching the corners of his lips, stars beaming at his beautiful, dark eyes. 

“Change of plans? Kind of spontaneous? Are you in for a challenge?” 

☆ His giggles filled the hallway with so much joy, that despite knowing there weren’t people around, you pushed him inside your room like you were scared to get caught in the middle of a dirty act. 

“Did you drink?” 

“Just a shot—for courage, you know.” 

☆ His warm smile flashed before your eyes again, and you were kind of invested in hearing the challenge. 

☆ You had a tiiiiiny, silly crush on him, mayhaps—cause his beautiful smile and warm persona absolutely didn’t go unnoticed by you; though you were still in your denial phase. 

☆ You gesture that he could start telling you his dramatic story, so he began to tell you about the partner who left him brokenhearted right before the holidays, and how he needed someone to go home with, as promised to his parents. 

“Can’t you just tell them the truth? Things would get pretty nasty if they found out you lied to them.”  

☆ Truth is, Seonghwa just wanted to prove himself capable in front of his family for once; he had two months to bring someone home and present them to his family, otherwise they would just throw him in the claws of a person he didn’t know—for business proposals. 

“Please, just consider it. I need you, please. You are my last escape.” 

☆ Maybe considering it didn’t sound too bad, regarding your current situation—you wanted to spice up your own holiday, so would you prefer drinking and staying on your campus, eating ice cream alone for the New Year, or pretending to love a very handsome guy and have a bit of fun? 

☆ The latter surely sounded like the best option. 

☆ As for the acting? You weren’t scared; you were quite sure someone who can’t read through their son’s own needs and preferences won’t be able to see behind your fake heart eyes (maybe they weren’t even that fake, to start with). 

“So, when are we leaving?” 

The tall guy jumped in happiness, giving you a discreet hug before giving you more information as an impulse for you to pack faster. 

☆ His house was as cozy as it could be, the beautiful, warm Christmas lights making you feel all fuzzy inside—you missed your own home. 

☆ His parents seemed like good people (despite trying to set him off with a random someone, claiming it was for his good), and you could see where their son got his genes from; they were absolutely gorgeous. 

☆ You couldn’t help but cringe a bit when his dad took your hand into his and kissed it, happy to finally meet his son’s (fake) partner; yet it all went away when Seonghwa held your other hand comfortingly, giving you the boost of confidence that you needed. 

☆ His mom was looking as if she knew that something was going on, a pretty smile plastered on her face while looking at the two of you. 

☆ The rest of the night went smooth, full of little chatters and chortles as you found them effortlessly funny; but also full of little timid glances shared between you and your fake boyfriend.

“How much time do you think they need until they fall in love completely?” 

☆ His mom asked his father, laughing while watching the two of you sip your hot choccies in front of the fireplace. 

“They will surely realize how real their fake situationship is quickly.”  

☆ His family adored you so much that Seonghwa started to believe his real partner would have messed everything up—so he took having you by his side as a sign. 

“3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!” 

☆ The loud, happy cheers of everyone around you resonated through your ears as the fireworks bloomed into the beautiful night sky. 

☆ You looked in Seonghwa’s direction, just to see him already looking back at you—plump lips slightly parted and eyes focused on your own. 

“Is this the moment where we kiss?” 

☆ He giggled, cupping your face and nodding at your bold words. 

☆ He pressed his soft lips on yours, and you felt like they were made just for you—like Cupid’s final touch to the red string attached to your souls.  

“Is it too soon to say I don’t want this to be fake anymore?” 

“Kiss me one more time and you will find out.” 

☆ Seems like you found your second home, in the arms of the not-so-fake partner of yours.