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blxetsi · 3 years

Note

HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!

yuh ‼️ tysm for your request

pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)

pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck

- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything

- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way

- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her

- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward

- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you

- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it

- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"

- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"

- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it

- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person

- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start

- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are

- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??

- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups

- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes

- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural

- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page

- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️

- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚

- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else

"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"

- thank you pieck 🥰

- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her

- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage

- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out

- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)

- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside

- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink

- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"

- rlly cute bitch omfg

- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚

- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off

- you still held her hand tho anyways

- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe

- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours

- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy

- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch

- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it

- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you

- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on

- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens

- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets

- your relationship moved pretty fast after that

- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised

- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety

- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics

- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her

- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing

- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you

- also a bit of a trickster

- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love

- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍

- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin

- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it

- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing

- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor

- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again

- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh

- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies

- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too

- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up

- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas

- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you

- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown

- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose

- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"

- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier

- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural

- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self

uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #hange zoe #pieck finger headcanons #pieck finger x reader #pieck finger #pieck x reader #pieck headcanons #pieck aot #marcel galliard #porco galliard #porco galliard x reader #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke yeager x reader

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kittydcoxx · 3 years

Text

Stay with Me.

KAEYA X READER.

Warnings: light angst/heartbreak but nothing bad (happy ending)

The tavern was as crowded as usual, and by that meaning almost completely baren for a rainy Wednesday afternoon. As you order a apple cider from Charles, the tavern door bell rings and you instinctively turn to check.

"Ah~ it is pouring out, I need a drink to combat the dissapointment of getting my fur cape wet."

Kaeya. Of course he wasnt the last person you'd expect to see open the tavern doors, he just wasnt much of a "afternoon delight" type drinker. Still, you stare as he tries to cooly swipe off the wet rain from his uniform as he walks towards the counter and takes a seat next to you.

"Well, well! Good afternoon y/n! What a suprise to see a beauty such as yourself here at this hour."

He raises an eyebrow and smirks as he turns to look straight ahead and run his fingers through his hair, not allowing time for you to respond before he has a drink in his hand.

"Afternoon Captain,"

You face him and smirk with the same intensity of flirty-ness as he just had.

"Of course you would be surprised to see me at this hour, you usually drink yourself to sleep before i order a evening drink."

You chuckle and look straight ahead and take a swig of your beverage, the confidence of your little witty come back replays as the cider burns your throat.

"Oh ho, well thats quite the attitude! I must ask, whats the purpose of this?"

"Hmm?"

"The occasion? I've never seen you drink three days in a row, I've been sober enough to pay attention to that."

The truth is, the last few days you've been at a bit of a crossroads. You know you and the Cavalry Captain share feelings, but you have a job offer in Natlan. This job is a dream to you, ever since you were a child. You could never dream of passing this opportunity, but you question if this possible romance could be the first significant one. You've been meaning to bring it up to him, but recently you just havent seen enough of him to bring up the subject. As a result, you turned to the more than occassional drink at the tavern to brighten your mood from the decision that faces you.

"Well then if you're interested, it actually... might concern you."

Your face is flushed red due to nerves, of course it doesnt directly concern him since nothing astronomical has occured in order to absolutely weigh your decision based on a man, but you didnt want to leave without warning.

"I see, well, we haven't..." His cheeks grow the slightest bit red as his eyes skip to look around then back at you.

"we haven't progressed to that yet, have we? I mean, you're not pregnant are you?"

"What?!" You're taken aback by the direct-ness of his statement, about the fact that he thought it could even have been a possibility. Was it confirming your suspicions of him returning feelings? "No, i- its not that! That is out of the question completely!" You yelp as you shake your hands as a frantic meaning of saying "Absolutely no way".

"Of course! of course.. i just figured i'd ask in case, but i guess drinking for a few days regularly isnt particularly healthy for a baby."

You roll your eyes and take another swig. Oh boy.

"It's actually more of an advice thing, i suppose."

"Ah~ well! lets discuss then, hm!" He happily takes a sip of his wine, his face surprisingly relieved.

"So? What do you need the great Master Kaeya's guidance on?" He smiles and giggles slightly.

"Actually, I'd like to take this outside."

"But its raining cats and-"

"Outside. please."

Your tone picks up more aggresively and he gets the memo. He takes one more sip of his beverage and you do the same with yours. You pay Charles and meet Kaeya right at the door.

"Get ready for the rain, sweetheart"

Your heart jumps as he grabs your wrist and swings open the door, pulling you with him down the street, stopping at a small archway behind a building, big enough to comfortably converse without being cramped or drenched.

"Now, where were we?"

"right.. well.." You look down and fidget with your thumbs, only to look back up at him and see him gazing into your eyes, examining your soul and what felt like your heart. Did he already know? It sure felt like it.

"I have a big decision to make, but i want to ask you before i come to a concrete decision."

He nods as a sign to continue talking, acknkowledging his position in helping you decide.

"I might have to move away. To natlan more specifically. I've recieved a dream~ job offer that i simply cant refuse, unless i was faced with new circumstances here in Mondstadt."

"Hm, And how do i play a role in this?" He asks as he folds his arms and leans back against the stone wall.

You explain to him his part, and he lets you talk until you are completely finished. you tell him your feelings, your worries, your doubts, and your hopes. Every single one that included him in the package. He looks at you sternly the whole time, but he looks hurt at the same time and you wonder why.

"Well, i honestly dont know what to say to this y/n. You know i cant leave Mondstadt if we were to persue eachother."

"I know."

"Then why bother telling me? Why not just leave, hm? Before damage could be done? before you told me all this, confirmed my hopes in our relationship but crushed it with the fact that you 'might' leave? You should have just spared me and left!"

He looks emotional and teary eyed, much more that you're used to seeing from a man who held such a cool composure 24/7. Have you hurt him that much? Does he hate you?

"I can always stay if you wan-"

"No. Its your dream job, and you shouldnt pass it off. I just cant promise that i'll wait for you."

He steps closer to you, inches from your face. His breath is warm and it contrasts with the cold rainy air. He slowly takes your hand and hold it in his, then lands a soft passionate kiss onto your lips. A few seconds of the kiss pass and he breaks for air and looks at you, making strong magnetic eye contact with you.

"Y/n, I can't wait for you."

"You dont have to. I can stay."

He runs his hands up your arms and grips firmly onto your shoulders and kisses you again, and when he pulls back he lets out a heavy sigh.

"There's no staying, just be safe. Please."

Your throat swells like a rock is stuck and your eyes burn hot along with your ears. You cant muster any words, you just stand there maintaining a sorrow eye contact for a few seconds.

As you both stare in silence, he slowly lets go of you, and as soon as his hands depart from yours, he turns and walks out and into the road. The further he walks and fades from your vision, the further you slide down the wall until your behind hits the wet floor as you curl up to your knees. Hard, Hot tears stream steadily down your cheeks as you hide your head in your knees, sobbing hard yet silently. Your heart aches and your stomach churns.

You want to run and look for him, grab him by the waist and embrace him in a hug from behind as you cry against his back, but he has already erased you from his plethora of memories as he sulks in his room with a drink. The night is weary and so are you. You walk home, replaying the scene in your mind over and over, and the instant you step into your home, you fall to your knees and sob once more.

You dont even close the door behind you. You cant do anything but cry, you had no idea you felt so strongly for Kaeya, but you had to put it all behind you.

He probably had.

What feels like an hour or two goes by and you barely made it to the couch, where you lay sprawled out, half on the couch and half not as you stare into empty space, thinking of nothing but everything at once. Why did his mood snap so quickly? Why did he cut you off? Was it self defense? What could he gain by pushing you away? You had no clue, but you didn't want to dwell on it and start crying again, so you just lay there trying to fall asleep.

Suddenly, a warm, slender hand grazes your back and rubs up and down softly.

"I'm sorry."

You jolt a little, but you dont get up immediately.

"How long have you been like this? Its almost night again y/n. Have you gotten up at all!? Your door was wide open, I was worried."

No response from you as you try to analyze the voice. It sounds like Kaeya, but you had remind yourself that he wanted nothing to do with you.

The man sighs and walks away. A hallucination for sure, you thought. The male comes back and lifts you by the shoulders. He sits on the couch and then lays your head onto his lap.

You look up and are met with blue eyes, one scarred and one as normal as you're used to seeing on him, though both glossy as if about to cry.

"Kaeya?"

"Mhm. Sit up Darling, you need to drink water."

You obey and sit close beside him, sipping the water he hands you with both hands on the glass like a child. He puts his arm around you and his hand on your head and gives you a soft yet quite long kiss on the head as you finish your water.

"Im sorry. We can work something out. I know that i shouldn't.. I can't push you away."

You dont fight his embrace as it gets firmer, and his body trembles slightly as if he is crying.

"Do you want me to stay?" you ask sheepishly.

"My dear, its up to you what you want. I'll follow you in whatever you decide. Im choosing to persue you, the rest is yours to seal."

"I want to stay." you state calmly.

"As you wish." He eyes your empty glass of water and gets up to pour you some more. When he comes back you sit against him again, and drink the glass empty, then put the glass on the coffee table and lay your head on his lap.

"Sleepy?"

"Mhm.."

He chuckles and holds you as you fall asleep, giving you tender kisses all over your face. When you fall asleep, he carries you bridal style upstairs to your room and tucks you into your bed. For a moment he stands there and ponders leaving you to rest, but the guilt of the words he said yesterday and seeing your state today convinced him to stay at your side. He walks to the other side of the bed and crawls in beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist and gives you one more peck before falling asleep.

You wake up once in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and when you come back to your room you're awake enough to process the fact that Kaeya was indeed in your bed. You crawl up into where you were in the bed before but this time facing him. You run your fingers along his face, feeling every bone and inch of his smooth skin, his tan beauty enhanced by the glow of the moonlight that peeked in through the window across the room from the bed. Your run your fingers down his hair and admire how his hair falls down his body. You've only been this close to him once, but never had you touched him like this. Your face was red and your smile was definitely pronounced, and as you stroke his cheek his eyes slowly open to see your expression.

"Good morning y/n~" he smiles and wraps his arms around you softly.

"How did you sleep?"

"Actually, its midnight."

"Oh, i see. Well, lets fall back asleep shall we? Or are you wide awake?"

You don't respond immediately but instead wrap your arms around him and hide your face in the crook of his neck.

"Back to sleep.."

He chuckles and brings you closer to his body, rubbing your back and stroking your hair until you both are hazy and about to fall asleep.

"I love you..." you whisper, half aware of what you just said and half not.

He pauses for a second, then gently squeezes your body as if to be his response back.

"I love you too.." he whispers back, his words echo in your mind as you drift to sleep, your dreams filled with nothing but happiness and him.

You would stay in Mondstadt, but occasionally take trips to Natlan for a few weeks, and would try to take Kaeya with you if he wasn't too busy. The two of you became inseperable, and quite the item for some time, the story of your romance left most who heard it in tears.

After every time you tell the story, he grips your hand and grabs your face softly making you look into his eye.

"I'm glad you stayed."

He says as he pulls you in for a tender kiss, which is usually embarrassing in public but you dont mind in this case, because it was of genuine emotion and not of his flirtatious teasing.

You really do love him.

NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!

This was my first fanfic LMAO

#genshin impact kaeya #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin kaeya #kaeya alberich #kaeya genshin impact #genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #genshin zhongli #zhongli x reader #tartagalia x reader #Spotify

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Text

With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

#it lives #tom sato #tomoichi sato #andy kang #tom x andy #andy x tom #it lives in the woods #ilitw #it lives beneath #ilb #it lives anthology #smut #i am back on my bullshit ig

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ablackfangirlwrites · 4 years

Text

New neighbor

Part 1 2 3

Im really loving this series and where its going 😁

"Hey there cutie," hawks said to you as he saw you walk out your apartment

You sighed shaking your head "I thought I asked you not to call me that."

Keigo laughed, "Im just stating the obvious."

"Then don't." You told him sticking your tounge out at him and walking off

"See ya later babe!" He called out again with a laugh

You turned around flipping him off before turning away

But keigo cought the small smile you had in your face as you did

Its been about two mouths since you moved onto your place

And about one month since you rejected him

But since then the two of stayed friendly

A little too friendly for your tastes

Keigo was a huge flirt

And was determined to get you to change your mind

It was clear you liked him or at least found him charming

But you had this no dating hero rule that got in his way

You wouldnt even tell him why you had the rule

But he had a new plan to get you to change your mind about him

That night the two of you would find yourselves in a familiar situation

You were struggling to get in your apartment with your groceries

And Keigo just so happened to be coming home

"This feels familiar." He said as he picked up some of your bags

You smiled, "Hey thanks....and kinda but this time I wont invite you to dinner."

When you got inside your place you sat your things down and turned to him

"Thanks birdy...you can leave now..."

Keigo pouted, "I was hoping for another heart to heart."

You gave him a smile, "sorry to disappoint."

"Whatcha got against us heros anyway?"

"Nothing you can fix." You said before pushing him out of your place, "good night Keigo."

Once out keigo leaned against your door

He wanted to be with you so bad

The next morning keigo would walk out the same time as you again

"Morning y/n." He said with a yawn

A little surprised you smiled at him, "Morning Keigo no pet names today?"

You asked as you locked your door

He shook his head, "Im a lady respecting man you asked me to stop so ill stop."

You raised your eyebrow, "suuure"

"You have a lovely day y/n." He said walking off

You stared at him suspiciously but in the end you figured it was him just being a weirdo as usual

Unbeknownst to you right after you locked your door instead of putting your keys in your purse like you thought you did

Keigo used one of his feathers to take them

The rest of your day went uneventful as usual

All up until you went back home

You looked everywhere

You knew you put them in your purse, you were sure of it

But your keys just werent there

Annoyed you called your friend asking them if they could come over and bring the spare set

But they said it was too late into the night and they were busy

Sighing you were really at a lost now

And you were so tired

It might have been an uneventful day but it was still a long

Feeling even more annoyed had to gather up your pride

You didnt even know if he was home

But you knocked on your neighbors door

After about two minutes

Keigo lazily opened his door, "y/n?"

"Hi," you said not making eye contact

"To what do I owe this random visit?" He asked knowing full well why you were there

"Im locked out my place....do you mind it I crash here for the night?...please." you asked him in a small voice

"You lost your keys?" He asked

"Tch, yes now are you gonna let me come in or not?" Asked him in a rush

You were feeling so embarrassing

You were a grown woman you shouldnt be still losing your keys

Keigo laughed and stepped aside, "Mi casa es su casa."

You sighed deeply thanking him as you walked in taking in the room

Everything was pretty modern in his place

"Ill get you some sheets to sleep in." Keigo said walking to the next room

You simply nodded looking around his place still

It was a nice place nothing special just simple

You half expect with a cocky attitude like his that hed have trophies and picture everywhere

But no not even a family portrait

Keigo returned with some covers for you laying them down on his couch

"Here ya go sorry I dont have much."

The sheet he gave you was just that a sheet

"Thanks..." was all you said

"Are you hungry?" Keigo asked, "im guessing you havent ate today."

You nodded, "I am actually."

"I might have some left over chicken nuggets."

You raised your eyebrow, "Do you have any...um..like real food?"

Keigo snorted, "Excuse me nuggets are the realest food out there."

You laughed now, "Yeah, if you're two."

Keigo acted like he was offended

"I guess i can find something to satisfy your shitty tastebuds."

Your rolled your eyes at him

In the end he ended up ordering a pizza

The two of you got into talking

And as usual you had to admit to yourself he qas very charming

And deep down you didnt think it was because he was a hero

Keigo was simply charismatic and funny

You had to keep reminding yourself not to fall for him

It would like 3 in the morning when you realized how late it had gotten

"Oh wow! I didnt mean to keep you up so long."

Keigo also hadnt actually realized the time either

He was honestly having a nice time

The best he had in a while

And the crazy part was all you guys did was talk

You didnt even talk about hero things

It was just silly stuff

He actually was having fun

He didnt want it to end but it was late now

So he stood up, "ill see ya in the morning."

You smiled, "Goodnight."

About an hour would pass since keigo went into his room

And you couldn't sleep

His place was way to cold and the sheets he gave your were papers thin

You tried to ignore it but nothing was working and the cold kept you awake

So swallowing your pride again you got up and knocked on his bedroom door

A moment passed and keigo opened his door shirtless

"Hmm?" He asked looking like he was just falling asleep

"Its really...like really cold can you turn up the heat?" You asked

You didnt want to be pushy but you couldnt sleep

"Im sorry y/n but my heatings down." He told you

"Seriously?"

He nodded, "yeah it sucks....wish i could help more but i did give you my spare sheets."

"How can you sleep in thia cold." You growned

"Trust me its not easy...but the feathers make it a bit easy."

"Lucky." You sighed unhappy to go back to the cold couch

"You can always bunk with me...not in a weird way of course." Keigo said

You raised your eyebrow at him, "bunk with you?"

"I mean it would be infinitely warmer. But it was just a random thought im not trying anything."

You sighed with a little laugh

You knew better tham to take him up on his offer but you were tired

"Alright but if you try anything ill kill you."

"I wouldnt dare." He smiled as he walked back into his room laying on his bed

You followed and got in his bed

Admit it was much warmer especially as you moved closer into his arms

All while keigo was secretly happy that his plan to get a closer to you worked

#keigo x you #my hero academia keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #bnha keigo #hawks x you #my hero academia hawks #hawks x reader #bnha hawks #mha hawks #bnha headcanons #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader

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killthe-illusionarydreams · 4 years

Text

Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

——————

Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years

Text

Poor Little Anxious Crybaby (Pt.16)

-------------------------

Virgil had spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and wishing he hadnt rescued that bus. His mind was racing with images of what had happened before he'd gotten to school, with glowing eyes and dark cold waters.

"Hey Virgil? Are you up?. . ." Remy whispered from the other side of the room.

"Mhm. . ." Virgil responded, turning around and wrapping himself further in the blankets on his bed.

"What time is it?" Remy said sleepily.

"I think like- three in the morning?" Virgil replied with a yawn.

"You were crying in your sleep earlier- are you ok?" Remy said with a worried tone.

"I'm fine, I havent been able to sleep though," Virgil responded, rubbing his eyes slightly to make sure there were no longer tears there.

"Wanna sneak out for some snacks?" Remy asked.

"Are you crazy? I dont wanna get caught! Have you met the school principal?" Virgil said with a shudder.

"We wont get caught! I promise!" Remy said, stepping out of his bed.

"You go- I'm gonna stay in here," Virgil said, burying his face in his pillow.

"Ok- fine, do you want anything?" Remy replied as he slipped some shoes on.

"If they have gummy worms I want those," Virgil answered. He listened for the sound of Remy's footsteps leaving the room, but heard nothing.

A few moments later Virgil heard something land on the bed in front of him. He looked up to see the bag of gummy worms directly in front of him. He sat up on the bed and opened the bag, tearing into the worms hungrily.

"You're pretty good at sneaking huh?" Virgil said with a grin.

"Yeah I guess you could say that," Remy replied, popping a sunflower seed into his mouth.

"So what classes do you have tomorrow?" Virgil said, pulling out his own schedule.

"US History, Recess, Home Economics, Drama, Gym, Lunch, Biology," Remy said.

"No way." Virgil said, smiling slightly at his own schedule.

"What, you've got the same one?" Remy said. Virgil nodded excitedly, maybe the nearly hour and a half long classes would be more bearable if Remy was there. He wondered what Roman and Remus' schedules looked like, clinging desperately to the hope that they were the same as well.

"So that Inigo guy huh? What a tool. If I didnt know what happens when you get in trouble around here I'd have punched him in the gut as soon as he stepped through the doors," Remy said, Virgil looked over at him in bewilderment.

"Well- yeah- I. . . Dont like him either," Virgil pulled his blanket over his head.

"Dont wanna talk about it?" Remy said quietly, Virgil nodded.

"Ok, then let's talk about- flowers, flowers are nice," Remy said.

"Yeah. . . My brother and his husband grow flowers for their company," Virgil said, thinking back to Janus and Logan. Then his mind shifted to Patton, and to shattered glasses and blood, and then to Rose's, and then he was crying again.

"Oh nononono I'm sorry- dont cry- its ok- its ok-" Remy's hands were caressing the sides of Virgil's face, wiping the tears off.

"I-Im sorry- I probably look really-" Virgil inhaled sharply and coughed as he began to find it harder to breath "-stupid," he finally finished.

"Nonono you dont look stupid at all! You're just nervous, it's ok, just listen to me ok? Name five things you can see," Remy said.

"Y-you, my blanket, the gummy worms, sunflower seeds, bedpost," Virgil said, concentrating hard to keep himself from choking on his words.

"Good, now four things you can feel," Remy continued.

"Hands, blanket, gummy worms, jacket," Virgil replied.

"Three things you can hear,"

"The humidifier, your laptop, the air conditioning,"

"Two things you can smell,"

"Deodorant, flowers,"

"And one thing you can taste,"

"Worms," Virgil let out a sigh and sank back into Remy's arms happily.

"There we go, you're alright," Remy continued, running his fingers through Virgil's hair. Virgil fell asleep much easier like this, forgetting almost completely about the conversation.

Then came the next day, nothing to unusual, a kid tried to fist-fight the teacher in history before getting dragged off, and then they split off to work on projects before break. But Virgil's mind was on something else, Roman, sitting alongside Inigo.

Virgil could feel rage brewing in his gut, Inigo seemed to notice this, as he glanced slightly toward Virgil and gave him a smirk and a wink before placing a kiss on Roman's forehead. Virgil felt his pen snap, the red ink staining his hands. The sight in front of him seemed to stir something in Virgil's head. But he ignored it, he'd handle it later.

"Virgil? You ok?" Virgil felt Remy's arm on his shoulder, he leaned against him and smiled slightly.

"Yes, I'm fine," Virgil said, sighing.

Remy helped Virgil clean his hands off, Virgil smiling as he watched the red water flow down the sink drain.

And then it was time for Recess, and Virgil couldnt have been more pleased.

"INIGO," Virgil called from across the grounds, hands clenched into fists.

Inigo looked up and in Virgil's direction, only to break into a sickening grin.

"Whats wrong Crybaby? Afraid I've stolen your only friend? Face it, you wouldnt have a chance, he only dates men," Inigo stood up and let out a sickening laugh.

But he wasnt laughing for very long.

Virgil wasnt quite sure when he'd gotten his hands around Inigo's throat, wasnt sure what he was doing at all really. The lilac purple shades in his vision began to slowly creep up again, and he nearly let them, had it not been for something else he overheard.

"Virgil what are you doing!" The lilac shades sunk out of Virgil's vision as he heard Roman's voice.

"I-I didnt-" Virgil's eyes widened as he realized what he'd been doing. Inigo wasnt dead, yes, but close to it, and bleeding much more than any ordinary fight would've allowed.

"Virgil Black, to the Principal's office," Virgil's heart sank as he heard the call from over the intercom, he exchanged glances with the three men surrounding him, the guilt in his chest rising as he left.

----------------------------------------------

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pbandjesse · 4 years

Text

I finally got to go to work at my new site! And I really like it! But today felt like a really long day. I havent worked 7 hours in a row for a while. So I am pretty tired.

I had a really hard time last night. I was really emotional and I didnt feel good still. I cried a bunch and I just felt really dumb for feeling so sad for no reason. So sleep did not come easy.

But I woke up in a better mood. It was a very grey day. And as I was getting washed up and dressed it started snowing again.

The apartment was incredibly hot. The heaters worked to well today. But it was cold outside. I had to leave here really early to go get fingerprinted and I was nervous about driving. And while I feel a lot better, my cough has gotten more annoying. Its just like a tickle that happens in the back of my throat and its very embarrassing because there is a pandemic happening around a cough!! So I try to keep it in and then I choke and sound insane. But I got washed up and dressed and said goodbye to James and sweetP and off I went into the wet world.

The snow was very pretty. But still a little scary to be out in. It was mostly just wet though. I got to the finger printing place and had trouble finding the front door but I did it and helped the uber eats guy find the door too. We were both confused.

The girl who did my prints was very nice and it was nice talking to her. I didnt have to pay because it was for the Y so that was cool. And it was a quick process. And soon enough I was back out into the snow. Wishing I had a hat and different shoes.

I went home and it was still early. I dont love starting work at 11. As it cuts into my art and lazy morning time. But It was only 930. So I had breakfast and watched a video. I worked on a new loom. And listened to James lead their very first substitute teaching class! It was super cute hearing them talking to the kids and I just felt all proud and bubbly about it.

I wish I could have stayed and listen longer. But soon enough it was time to walk to my new job.

And it wasnt a bad walk. I brought an umbrella, as the snow was wet and heavy. It would soon turn to ice and rain though so the site stayed open. All good. It is actually a really easy walk. And it turned out when I got lost the other day I was only one street over. I dont know how I had gotten lost but I made it there with no trouble at all.

I got inside and they showed me where the academic support area was. And I got to meet the people Ive been texting with and everyone was so nice! I had a really nice day actually! Its a much smaller group, closer to my PAL location. And there were even a few kids from my last site there! So that was a nice surprise.

I had to do some waiting and while I did I ended up buying a chair on Instagram from a local antique store and its super strange. It's a dressing chair and James is gonna pick it up for me tomorrow. I'm very excited.

I spent the first hour getting acclimated and showed around. Signing things and filling out paperwork. I was a little annoyed because all the paperwork I had gotten together and printed for the last site somehow got lost again and because I dont have access to it on my phone or tablet I would have to wait until I got home to sort it out so that was dragging on me. But honestly. It was a great time.

The kids are sweet. But it was a long day and filling in that time was hard. Especially because I was feeling a little run down. I did get to lead a art project and that was a great way to introduce myself. This site lets the kids watch some movies during lunch and pick up time. And we did multiple little projects in the afternoon and went to the gyms to run around. We had peaches and cheez its for a snack and I really enjoyed the peaches. I should buy peaches more.

I really like my coworkers though so thats pretty great. The one is a woman and Im only with her for the first hour, but she seems nice. The other I am with for most of the day and he made me feel really cool but it was also because he seemed really cool. And I hope we can work together well. We brainstormed some art projects and other project ideas. And he's much more into the physical stuff then me so it was fun to watch him come up with games and things in the gym. I played catch with some girls. I did try to do the lead stretching he had but I got a crazy charlie horse in my side that scared me so I stopped after the first couple stretches. I dont know what happened but I hope it doesnt happen again.

The end of the day I was just cleaning and making plans for tomorrows project. Im going to try to get them to sew. Well see how it goes. But I have a good feeling. Its a young group but not to immature. I think it will be good.

I was happy to go home though when the last kid got picked up. My new coworkers are a little nervous about me walking home which is very sweet of them. But the sun was still out and there were lots of street lights. And I was home quick.

James had put together snacks for me so I wouldnt get an upset belly while waiting for dinner. I got the best partner. We had little pizzas for dinner. And as we were cleaning up got a frantic call that apparently a pipe from our apartment was leaking into the girls below us. Aw man. So it was a frantic figure out where that water was coming from and James figured out it was coming from the sink. So we had to turn the water off there whille I ran downstairs to talk to our neighbors and get some duct tape. Mr Will is going to come in the morning to check it out. But water damage is my nightmare so I was a little unsettled.

Once we got it sorted out things felt okay. I went and did some organizing in my studio. Worked on some art. And now I am on the couch being sad about my mouth hurting but also just enjoying listening to James play monster of the week with their friends and weaving a beautiful story and it just makes me laugh and its great.

Now I am going to wash up and get in bed. I hope its an easy sleep. For you as well. Goodnight everyone! Be safe out there.

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tk-productions · 4 years

Text

Mystic Sisters -Ch.7 More & More

Hikari’s Pov

“Why can't you just tell me?” Yua yelled following me into my room.

“There’s nothing to tell you.” I shrugged sitting at my desk trying to ignore my sister.

“What do you mean? You were hanging out with Haru and probably talking about me.”

“I have better things to do besides talk about you. Haru walked home with me because he saw me walking alone. I wouldn't have been alone if you didn't have to stay after school. ” I said rolling my eyes at her.

“Don't sass me. Tell me what you were talking about. And I don't want you hanging out with him.” she warned.

“Yua I don't have to tell you anything. Haru and I are friends. You can't tell me who I can and can't hang out with.”

“I'm not leaving until you tell me.” she replied, stomping her feet on the floor. I pushed her out of my room and into the hallway even though she protested.

“Now if you're done yelling at me I have homework that I would like to get done before dinner.” I shut the door, slamming it and walked back to my desk. I could hear Yua slam her bedroom door.

Geez what's gotten into her? I thought, sliding into my chair and opening up a box of Pocky. For some reason Yua has been moody and has taken her anger out on me every chance she gets. Yesterday she got mad because I used the last of her shampoo. Before school she was mad because I was wearing her jacket. And now she's upset because Haru walked me home from school.

“Haru you didn't have to walk me all the way home.” I said standing on the front steps.

“It wasn't a problem, it gave us a chance to talk. Plus I dont live that far.” That was true Haru only lived a couple blocks from us. Before Yua walked to where we were standing I could feel her presence.

“Why is he here?” she growled.

“He was just leaving.” I said giving Haru a look. He picked up on my signal and hurried home.

“Yua why are you acting like this? You've been getting mad at me all week for no reason.” she rolled her eyes opening the front door.

I kept trying to talk to her all week but it just ended with her getting mad at me. I started to think that I did something wrong but if I did she would tell me. Right? A few hours later I knocked on Yua’s door.

“Go away.” she said muffled from behind the door.

“Just talk to me please.” I pleaded. She opened the door and gave me a blank stare.

“Did you finally come to tell me why you were with Haru?”

“I told you earlier we walked home together. We stopped at the convenience store for ice cream but that was it.Is Haru the only one you're worried about? What about me? You know you haven't been the nicest to me lately.” I fumed.

“Hikari I don't want to talk to you right now.”

“The same way you wont talk to Haru?” I shot back.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.” I yelled.

“Hik-”

“No. Don't talk to me until you figure things out.” I walked back to my room and threw myself on my bed. I loved Yua but I hate when she acts like this. Angrily I grabbed my manga off my desk and read until mom called us down for dinner.

We ate dinner in silence besides our parents asking us a few questions here and there. I guess they picked up on our weird behavior when my dad gave a mom a look.

“Girls, is there something going on? You've been quiet.” Dad asked us. I shook my head no without making eye contact with him.

“Everything is just fine.” Yua replied, glancing over at me while angrily stabbing her chopsticks into her bowl of chicken curry. I pushed my empty plate away from me and stood up annoyed with Yua.

“I'm going to bed.” I hurried to my room before my parents could protest.

I could hear Yua go to her room a few minutes later. Maybe I could try talking to her tomorrow if she wasn’t still mad at me.

I woke up the next morning to find out that Yua had left for school without me. I guess she was really mad. I grabbed my backpack and went downstairs to the kitchen.

“Hi honey.” my mom smiled pouring herself a cup of coffee which was probably her second cup of the day. I smiled back and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I'll drop your duffle bag at Hisako’s house on my way to work.” she pulled me in for a bone crushing hug as I tried to take a bite of my apple.

“Mom, I'm just spending the weekend at Hisako’s. You're acting like I'm moving out.” I say muffled. She let me go and laughed.

“Have a good day and text me when you get to Hisako’s. Okay?” I nodded and told her goodbye.

It was a lonely ride on the trade without Yua. When I got to school I peeked inside her classroom only to find she wasn't there either. I saw Hisako talking with a girl and when she saw me she gave me a warm smile. She stepped outside the classroom and ran over to me.

“Have you seen Yua?” She shook her head.

“No she hasn't come in yet. Is everything okay? Is she still mad at you?” I nodded and Hisako opened her arms for a hug. I hugged her back embracing her warmth.

“You didn't walk together?”

“No.” I sighed still in Hisako’s arms while she patted my head.

“Don't worry. She’ll talk when she’s ready. You know you guys always work it out.” I knew she was right. Hisako was comforting. She always knew how to make me feel better. I looked up at Hisako smiling at her.

“Aww you're so cute.” she cooed, pinching my cheeks.

“Why are you like this?” I winned trying to break free.

“Why are you so cute?” she laughed. A group of students walked past us and Hisako pushed me off as her cheeks turned red. I looked to see who the students were and turned back to her laughing.

“Did your crush just see you cuddling me and calling me cute?” I laughed again teasing her.

“Go to class.” she rolled her eyes, walking back into class.

I didn't see Yua all day. I tried texting her but I never got a reply. She was really ignoring me. I peeked over the students looking for Yua as I waited for Hisako by the front gate of school. “She probably went home. Is she really that upset with me?” I thought to myself.

“You still havent talked to her have you?” Hisako questioned. I shook my head and she gave me a reassuring smile.

“She’ll come around eventually. Cmon lets go get snacks for our sleepover.” she said grabbing my hand.

Yua’s Pov

When I got home the first thing I did was run a bath. “This calls for extra bubbles.” I yawned while grabbing the bubble bath from the cabinet. I stepped into the tub and relaxed under the warm water. I knew Hikari was hurt because I could feel it. Mom would say it's our twintuition. Maybe that was the reason we’re so close and why this isn't one of our normal fights. I know I hurt my sister. I sighed resting my head against the cold bathroom tile. Both of my parents were at work and Hikari was at a sleepover so it was just me and my thoughts. Those were the same thoughts that kept reminding me of how I've been taking my anger out on Hikari the past week. At first I didn't know why I was so upset. I finally realized it after our fight last night.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.”

When she said that to me I didn't want to believe it but the fight kept replaying in my head last night. That's when I realized she was right. I still love Haru and it hurts that he’s pushing me away. When I saw them together yesterday I was jealous. I was jealous that they were able to talk so easily like him and I used to. I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in my robe. After getting changed I sat on my bed with my phone in my hands. My fingers kept hovering over Hikari’s contact.

Should I text her? Maybe I should call? I don't want to ruin her night. Why do I do this to myself? I groaned lying on my bed, tossing my phone to the side. Hikari wasn't the only one I needed to call right now. It was Haru. Before I could call him I was interrupted by the front door opening.

“Yua come help me with the groceries!’ mom called from downstairs.

“Im coming!”

“Mom when is Hikari coming back?” I asked putting away the vegetables.

“Sunday. Why, whats up?”

“Nothing I was just wondering.”

“Is everything okay with you two? You've been acting weird the past few days.” she stopped and turned to face me.

“No everything is fine. She wanted me to help her with some homework but I guess Hisako can help her.” I lied. She nodded, probably not believing me and went back to putting up the groceries.

I guess I have to wait until sunday to fix this.

Hikari’s pov

Hisako sat in her bed as I laid in her lap watching a movie. “How many times are you gonna make me watch this?” I yawned, growing bored.

“You know it's our tradition to watch Mean Girls during our sleepovers.”

“Yeah but do we have to watch it 5 times in one night?” I laughed looking up at her. I got off her bed and dug through my duffle bag until I pulled out two sheet masks. I turned to show her and she smiled.

“Are those the ones with green tea?” She asked joining me on the floor. I nodded handing her a mask. It was quiet besides the sound of the tv playing or the occasional giggle from Hisako.

“I missed this. We should have our sleepovers more.” I said resting my head on her shoulder. She nodded in response.

The next morning I waved to Hisako and her mom as they dropped me back off at home.

“Mom, I'm home!” I yell entering the house. No answer. I placed my keys on the entryway table and called her again. I walked into the kitchen to see Yua placing freshly baked cookies onto a tray.

“Mom had a last minute work meeting.”

“Oh.”

“Cookie?” She asked, holding the tray towards me offering a small smile.

“No thanks.” I started to walk away when she called my name.

I turned back to face her. “What? Are you gonna yell at me because I didn't take one of your cookies?” She stepped closer to me and sighed.

“No, I made those as a peace offering. I wanted to talk to you...about everything.” I studied her face for a moment before replying. I grabbed a cookie off the tray and stuffed it into my mouth.

“Well it’s gonna take a lot more than chocolate chip cookies to win me over.” I mumbled. She laughed walking out the kitchen to the living room. I followed sitting on the opposite side.

“I know I’ve been a horrible sister and i'm sorry for that. No, not just that. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I never meant anything I said. I was mad at Haru and took it out on you. Also I was jealous. I was jealous because you were able to talk to him while I've been trying to do that for months. I don't expect you to forgive me right now but just know I'm really sorry and most importantly I love you.” Yua stared at me the whole time with glossy eyes. I knew she meant what she said. I scooted over sitting closer to her.

“You promised that you would never let a guy in the way of our relationship. You broke that promise and hurt me but I know how much Haru means to you. I'm willing to forgive you for now.” she smiled at me for the first time all week before engulfing me in a hug.

“You're my favorite sister and nothing can change that.”

“Yua I’m your only sister.” I pulled away from her. She was back to being herself.

“When we were fighting I realized you were right. I still love him. I left early for school. I wanted to talk to him and work everything out not because I was avoiding you.”

“Did you ever find him?”

“No.” I groaned leaning on the back of the couch. “I tried looking for him all day only to find out he didn't show up for school.”

“Talk to him tomorrow no matter what.”

“I will. You don't have to worry about us.” she smiled reaching for a cookie on the coffee table.

“Yua the day you saw us together we were talking about you. Haru doesn't know how to be around you anymore. He doesn't know how to talk to you. He knows when he left he hurt you and he doesn't want to do that again.” she stared back at me with a shocked expression on her face.

“I would never do anything to hurt you. You know Haru and I are friends. I was just comforting him.” Yua pulled me into another hug but this time it was tighter.

“Wow I really am a bad sister.”

“No, I understand why you were upset. Just have a little more faith in me next time. Okay?”

“This is why you can't date until you're 30.”

“Yuaaa.” I winned. She let me go and stood up from the couch.

“Fine you can date when you're 29.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“C'mon I’ll treat you to dinner. What do you want?”

“Shabu-Shabu!” I yelled excitedly.

“I should have known.”

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chasethesun18 · 4 years

Text

50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @goddess-clarke 🥰

What is the colour of your hairbrush? purple and black

Name a food you never eat? seafood and red meat

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i used to be too cold all the time and then i went through a time where i was too hot and now im back to somewhere in the middle but mostly cold. my fingers turn blue a lot lolol

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? mm so i just watched the premier of blindspot s5 and it is now dead to me and i will be forgetting this episode happened and not continuing the season. so ive spent the last hour trying to erase the ep from my memory and cheer myself up. its not working so now im answering 50 questions. as one does.

What is your favourite candy bar? oh i don't know. it changes. i really like peanut m&ms and york patties

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? professional...maybe? i think i’ve possibly been to a pro baseball. im from the south and we dont do pro we only do college. ive been to..idk hundreds on hundreds of those

What is the last thing you said out loud? told my mom i loved her. cause im cute like that.

What is your favourite ice cream? i like vanilla with a lot of toppings. but also coffee and mint chocolate chip

What was the last thing you had to drink? im drinking cherry vanilla coke zero. yes its 11:42pm. dont judge me.

Do you like your wallet? yeah its cute. its little and red

What was the last thing you ate? salad with chicken (oo she healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? yeah no. i haven't bought new clothes in forever. actually got into an argument with my mom about that today

The last sporting event you watched? BEFORE SPORTS WERE CANCELLED YOU MEAN????? baseball.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? ....popcorn has flavors? idk salt?

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister. about said blindspot premier. she's writing a book and considering killing off one of the characters and i told her i didn't want someone to get to the end of her book and wish she hadn't read it which is how i feel about blindspot rn

Ever go camping? i do, my major is parks and rec so im a ~big outdoors girl~ but im actually more into the historical preservation side of things and i dont really like camping but i have been dragged into it bc of my major

Do you take vitamins? no but i take a shit ton of medication. y'all didnt need to know that srry.

Do you go to church every Sunday? yes. before that got cancelled too. its fine.

Do you have a tan? i do! super proud of it. its the beginning stages

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza i hate chinese food

Do you drink your soda with a straw? yes

What colour socks do you usually wear? white

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? ....ok does anyone follow the exact speed limit? come on. ive never gotten a ticket tho

What terrifies you? a lot of things. small spaces. bugs. heights but only sometimes. losing a loved one. change. im an anxious person ok

Look to your left, what do you see? a wall (these are entertaining answers im serving yall)

What chore do you hate? vacuuming. GOSH I HATE IT. idk why but it pisses me off every time. i think its cause it makes me sweat and like why should i have to SWEAT from vacuuming? its so loud too i can't listen to music while i do it

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? g’day mate

What’s your favourite soda? coke zero or dr pepper

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru unless the drive-thru is too long and then it defeats the purpose of going for fast food so i go in

Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

Favourite cut of beef? i dont eat red meat :P

Last song you listened to? holding on and letting go - ross copperman (tvd forever)

Last book you read? my major is reading heavy and my minor (history) is even more reading heavy. i had a history class this semester where i had to read 6 books in their entirety so that's the last thing i read. i havent read for fun since i started college lol. but i do still read fanfic and that counts

Favourite day of the week? friday. its the anticipation of the weekend without the disappointment of the weekend

Can you say the alphabet backwards? lol no

How do you like your coffee? if i make it myself i like it with creamer and splenda. if i get it out i like sugar free vanilla lattes with nonfat milk (yes im a basic bitch I KNOW. i also take a sip and if it tastes wrong i go ‘um excuse me is this the nOn FaT MiLk’ like im literally that bitch)

Favourite pair of shoes? aesthetically ive got some bomb heels but i havent had the occasion to wear those in a long time

The time you normally go to bed? before all this 11-1. now idk time is just a construct

The time you normally get up? ..before all this 8/9 depending on what time my class was. now i force myself to get up around 9/10. i dont naturally wake up. if i dont set an alarm i will sleep until 1pm

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? i like both but i havent seen many sunrises bc i dont wake up. so sunset

How many blankets on your bed? twooo

Describe your kitchen plates: the ones at my parents house are just plain white and the ones in my apartment are plain green. wow im plain.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? so ya girl just turned 21 !!!! and no, im not a big fan. it all tastes like cough syrup. help.

Do you play cards?. my family does sometimes. i think its boring

What colour is your car? dark grey. her name is the black pearl. shes not black tho....

Can you change a tire? no but ive never tried

Your favourite province? ok this question is gonna show my ignorant american side and i dont want it to soooo

Favourite job you’ve ever had? i used to work at this place that did mommy and me music classes. i taught the one that was a drop off class called school skills so it was like k5 for 3-4 yrs old

How did you get your biggest scar? i dont have many scars. i have one above my eye from falling backwards into a rocking chair lol

What did you do today that made someone else happy? i dont know, honestly. i feel like im barely interacting with people. i ran errands with my mom and i think that made her happy...but she was in a bad mood so hard to tell lolol

anyway, this was fun and now im not thinking about that show. crap now im thinking about it. UGH.

tagging: @hpfangirl13 @amazalina @dorisquinn @rebel-belles @vivianelynne20 @modernlifehistorian (i know you're there) @sherlolly-siya @fromiftowhen

#tag game

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writeanapocalae · 6 years

Text

A Detective in Junction

Read it on Ao3 | Chapter 1: Diving Back In

Warning: This is a Sequel to A Doctor in Union and may not make sense out of order

Sebastian groaned, glaring at his phone where it sat on the bedside table, lit up and buzzing and waking him. He slept lightly, napped through parts of the day, and there were many nights in which he didn’t sleep at all. He’d only barely fallen asleep. He should have ignored it, wrapped an arm around Stefano’s shoulders and gone back to sleep. No one ever texted him though, there had to be a reason for it.

He picked it up, the air chilly against his arm. Stefano grumbled in his sleep, if he was asleep, as the cold traveled down his back from the shift in blankets. The phone didn’t tell him much when he answered it.

‘Located JO. -JK’

His glare deepened, not understanding the code. The phone number wasn’t one that he recognized. For a moment he considered it a joke, especially because of the JK, but then his brain turned on fully and he bolted up out of bed, and there was no way that Stefano wasn’t awake after that.

He had to go. He had to go now.

He called the number back, even as Stefano groggily pulled himself up into a sitting position, a hot hand soft on his back.

“Where is he?” Sebastian gritted out, the sleepiness still in his voice, making it play-doh and slow.

“I don’t know if I should say it over the phone, otherwise I would have texted the coordinates,” Kidman sounded tired but in the way that she hadn’t slept yet. Sebastian could hear people in the background, lots of people.

“I thought you said Mobius was gone.”

“It is, but that still leaves a lot of other people out there wanting the technology. I haven’t even made it to the facility yet; I’m just hoping that I’ll be the first one to enter it.”

A panic was starting to grow in Sebastian’s chest, his heart pounding. Stefano was rubbing circles against his shoulder blade, trying to calm him. Joseph, found and possibly alive. He’d been hoping, he wasn’t a praying man but he’d considered it a few times, for Joseph to be alright. He definitely wasn’t alright but he was, possibly, salvageable. This was the first he’d heard anything about Joseph since finding out he was even alive.

“Where are you?” he switched tactics.

“I’m at the airport in Chattanooga, Tenessee.”

Sebastian pulled out of Stefano’s hold and out of the bed, dragging his jeans on from where he’d dropped them the night before. Stefano was shadowing him, which he did so well now that he was healthy enough to move on his own, silent in the darkness. If he hadn’t been there when Stefano got better, he would have been terrified of the change.

“I’m on my way.”

“We’re on our way,” Stefano corrected. Sebastian looked at him, seeing only the light of his phone reflecting in Stefano’s eye and nothing more.

“Text me when you get here,” Kidman hung up.

“So, where are we off to in the middle of the night?” Stefano asked, scooting past Sebastian for his cane and then over to the light switch, making them both half blind with light.

“You don’t have to go anywhere,” Sebastian grabbed a shirt and threw it on, not even looking at what it was. “And I need you here, to watch over Lily.”

Stefano opened a drawer in his dresser, pulling out a pair of dark olive slacks. “You sound as if it’s some sort of emergency and you should know by now that I don’t intend to make you go through something like that on your own. We can get a sitter for Lily.”

Sebastian paused a moment, uncertain. He was fairly certain that he’d never mentioned Joseph to Stefano. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t. Joseph had been such a huge part of his life and when he was gone, Sebastian had fallen into the worst depression of his life, not that he could claim all of that was on Joseph’s apparent death.

“It’s two in the morning,” Sebastian grumbled.

“Well, can it wait until an actually humane time of day then?” Stefano slipped into a pale yellow dress shirt, “You’re going to have to explain to both of us what’s going on, after all.”

“Yeah, yeah, shit, I’m sorry,” Sebastian rubbed at his face. “Yeah, I’ll tell you in the morning. I’m just, I’m going to get ready in the mean time. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”

Stefano nodded but didn’t get undressed. He moved with Sebastian in silence, packing along with him. He noted the low amount of clothing that Sebastian was packing and followed suit, as if he knew that there wouldn’t be much need for a change of clothes in whatever adventure Sebastian was going on. Sebastian wanted to give in, to tell him right then what was happening. He didn’t want to go over it twice though. He didn’t want to argue with Stefano right yet, even though he knew that this would lead to that. He didn’t want Stefano going with him, didn’t want him ever falling into STEM again.

By the time morning came and Lily was awake he was a jumbled pile of nerves, no matter how softly Stefano touched him, pressing kisses to his temple and sliding his hand along his back whenever he could. The moment that Stefano left him to go downstairs, to prepare breakfast and get coffee going Sebastian sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to breathe, trying to think. He’d been thinking all night but he still didn’t have any idea what he was going to say, how he was going to say it.

He went downstairs a few minutes later, finding Lily and Stefano at the dining room table talking about something in hushed tones. Lily looked nervous and he couldn’t read Stefano at all, even though he could see much more of his face than he used to, Stefano getting more comfortable with his hair being a bit shorter on the right side of his face.

“There you are,” Stefano gave him a soft smile and Sebastian’s chest tightened, the anxiety swelling. He couldn’t do this to them, not when they’d all gotten settled in. He didn’t want to do this at all, but he owed it to Joseph, didn’t trust anyone to go in there in his stead. “Would you mind alluding us on what had you so worried last night?”

Sebastian sat in his seat, a cup of coffee and a plate of toast and eggs already waiting for him. He sighed. They were so good to him, too good. They didn’t deserve any of this.

“Kidman texted me last night,” he said, not lifting his head to make eye contact. “She found my old partner, back from KCPD, in an abandoned Mobius facility. He’s over in Tennessee and I-

“And you intend to go there and fish him out, is that it?” Stefano interrupted, his cup hiding his face. “This would be Joseph, correct?”

Sebastian balked.

“I told him about Uncle Joseph,” Lily raised a hand meekly. “You went into the bad place with him the first time, right? You think he’s still in there or do you think he’s a bad guy now?”

Sebastian looked from Lily to Stefano, his mouth still open. “You knew about him?”

“Lily used him as an excellent teaching tool to explain your sexuality to me,” Stefano waved the question off. “You do realize that there is no way that you’re going alone, correct?”

“You’re not coming with, neither of you,” Sebastian glared, trying not to let any real anger shine through, “Kidman will be there, I’m not going to be alone. And no, I don’t think he’s Mobius. He’s probably still in STEM.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Stefano placed his coffee on the table, crossing his arms. “I am going with you.”

“You lost enough to STEM,” Sebastian shook his head, “and to Mobius. When I said you’re never going back there, I meant it.”

“And miss your reunion with your boyfriend? I think not. Sebastian, you lost far more to Mobius then I did; I lost most of what I had before I ever went to them. I do not intend to lose you to them as well! Do not forget, as well, that I had a great deal of power in Union, that I understood how to bend through the logic of that place. I would be irreplaceable to you.”

“I’m eleven years old!” Lily added, “I don’t want to come with but I’m old enough to watch out for myself! I think you’ll do way better together than you would alone! Buddy systems and all that!”

They were teaming up on him and not in the way that he’d expected. He’d thought that they’d both be against him going at all. They must have both known how much Joseph meant to him, which didn’t make any sense to him, Stefano didn’t seem like the kind of person who would be willing to share him, especially not in a romantic sense. He found himself smiling, the anxiety not gone but the anxiety for their responses at least drowned out.

---

The airport was busy and it was hard to get through the crowds with their suitcases and the cane that Stefano hated so much. He pretended he didn’t rely on it as much as he really did but, after a few hours on a cramped airplane his legs felt weak and stiff. He wanted to hold Sebastian’s hand, not the cane, but he rested against it with each step.

He could feel anxiety prick at him, a thick buzzing in his veins, an urge to stop and breathe at the same time that it was propelling him forward. He swallowed it down. He didn’t need it. It wasn’t helpful. Sebastian needed him to be strong right then. He didn’t know if he could be. He kept thinking about going back down, wondering if he would wake up this time, since he’d barely been able to last time. He’d been lucky last time and he’d been lucky every day for the past year; that luck would run out eventually.

Sebastian raised an arm and Stefano jumped, not expecting it. Sebastian was on his bad side, which he did when he was nervous, thinking that Stefano didn’t recognize it. Usually it made him feel safe, having someone he trusted protecting that side, but he couldn’t feel safe now, he couldn’t feel much aside from dread.

Sebastian was waving to a woman, to Juli, who was waiting for them at one of the little cafes that cost a fortune. Stefano had only met her a few times, when he was healing, and he knew that he had made a terrible series of impressions in such a weak and meager state. He held his head higher, tried to be more imposing. He’d come a long way.

She didn’t smile when she approached them, just clutched the briefcase at her side and made sure there was no one watching her. She’d told Sebastian that Mobius was done for, but she was far too paranoid for such a response. He’d say that it made him uneasy, but he was already uneasy.

“I rented a car, come on,” she said, in place of a greeting. They followed her in silence, out of the air conditioning and out into the heat, to a small black car that was so uncharacteristic that it had to be on purpose. She opened the trunk and they both put their bags inside before climbing into the back, Juli driving.

Once they were belted in, Stefano’s cane over his lap, Juli opened the briefcase, pulling out some files and passing them back. Stefano took one while Sebastian had the other two and the car was started and out of the parking lot before they even had them open.

The file that Stefano had was on the Core, a ten year old boy named Jonathon. His last name was a large black stripe. Stefano’s hands started to shake as he read about the boy, about his high scores in standardized tests, about his wealth of empathy, about his love of art. He was just like Lily, even the terminology was the same as what Sebastian had quoted from Mobius. Lily had been taken away in the falsified fire though and, for Jonathon, the opposite was true, the fire had claimed his parents. There was no one to care that he was gone.

Jonathon was written as being clever and artistic, showing great promise but with obsessive traits. Stefano wasn’t reading in too much depth, he didn’t want to know all of the details. This all felt too familiar. He glanced over at Sebastian’s file instead, where he was reading on a young woman, Amber Fairen. She was a romance writer, 25, but none of her stories had ever been published. At the top of the page was the same terminology that was on Jonathon’s, just with a different number: Core Candidate #9.

“Are there multiple Cores?” Stefano asked, reaching out for the other file in Sebastian’s lap.

“Yeah, this is the most experimental version of STEM I’ve ever heard of,” Juli explained. “There’s no people involved, so you aren’t going to have to deal with civilians, aside from the Cores. I guess they saw that there were too many issues with just having a single Core in place and decided to try with three.”

“And the reasoning for there being a child?” Stefano continued. Sebastian was only half listening but he perked up at that, anger flashing over his features.

“Same reason as with Lily. There’s a level of innocence in children that haven’t been exposed to trauma and they are impressionable. They’re easy to control and manipulate.”

Stefano reached out to put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. He could see the tension growing in his brow.

“No people though, that’s good, that means that there wont be any monsters, nothing like the Lost.”

Sebastian glanced at him. He swallowed. He’d never seen Sebastian so angry and he couldn’t help but feel like it was directed at him. He was just trying to get some answers though, know as much as he could before they went in.

“There’s another major difference, they implied a Lucid Unit for Cerebral Integration,” Juli explained. There was no answer from the two men and she paused, her eyes trained on the road before she went into it, collecting her thoughts, “I saw a little bit of the planning for the Luci, but I never saw it used, I didn’t know it was completed. It’s a sort of artificial intelligence that was put in place for ease of cataloging and mapping STEM, since the map could be changed by the Cores at any time. They’re also used to report any errors to the Mobius members who would enter for testing purposes.”

An artificial intelligence? Stefano had heard that such things were in development but he didn’t think anything like that would be usable so early. Mobius acted as if they were gods though, it was completely possible that they had surpassed the rest of the world by bypassing ethics and other pesky laws.

“You think the Luci could be dangerous?” Sebastian finally spoke up, handing Amber’s file over to Stefano. He didn’t open the next one. Stefano was certain it was Joseph’s.

“I’m not going to say they wouldn’t be. With the way the Cores and the other test subjects have altered the surroundings in the past, I wouldn’t trust anything to be safe really. Just take it slow.”

---

He didn’t think there was a chance, not really. He hadn’t imagined that Joseph could be alive, not after he saw Kidman shoot him, but then he’d gone back in after Lily and Kidman had told him that Joseph was alive. He’d been so distracted though, with rescuing Lily, with getting Stefano out of STEM and then back on his feet, that he hadn’t had time to really think about Joseph. Joseph, who had been in STEM this whole time, had been living in one of these nightmare worlds, with only two other people, who could have been allies or enemies.

He should have tried harder. He should have tried earlier. He shouldn’t have left Kidman to hunt for him on her own.

She pulled up to the facility, which looked like an old water purification building, with mildew growing up the walls and the grass overgrown and a few creeping vines climbing up the sides. Stefano gave him a small smile, a squeeze to the shoulder, before he unbuckled and climbed out of the car. Sebastian sighed, following his lead.

It reeked. It smelled like Beacon, like the sewers underneath it, where the water was a dark and deep red from all of the blood and viscera that was mixed in with the water. It smelled like rotten meat and cold bile and mildew and the sickeningly sweet scent of garbage on a hot day. As they drew closer to the door, which sat open with a chair shoved against it to keep it from closing. There was a pile of limbs and flies and mistakes, of the bodies that Juli must have dragged out of the building all on her own. She wasn’t looking at them, she was unreadable, her face blank as she went into the building.

It looked like a Mobius building on the inside, all white tile and cement, cold and barren and clean, aside from the swivel chair that was at the end of a long smear of blood. He squeezed Stefano’s hand. He shouldn’t have been here. This wasn’t Stefano’s job. Stefano gave him a small smile and a squeeze of the hand back, as if there was nothing wrong. Everything was wrong.

Kidman hadn’t been overly talkative before this, had always given more questions than she answered, but now she led them past offices and labs and examination rooms without a word. She was pale, a sheen of sweat on her brow. She looked like she was coming down with something. She may have been, just from touching all of those corpses.

The STEM room was more complicated than the one for Union, which was more complicated than the one for Beacon. There were three of those metal cylinders, the same kind that Lily had been in, in a cluster in the center, the wires and tubes coming from them bound in different colored transparent tubing to keep them separate and recognizable as they led to monitors. There were eight tubs around the tubes and they were ergonomic, actually built for comfort and short time use. The people who went in weren’t supposed to stay in, the trips were meant to be shorter.

There were blood stains everywhere.

“You should get dressed, do whatever you need to do before getting in,” Kidman explained. “I can give you a moment if you want.”

There were security cameras in the corners of the room. Those made him feel a lot less private than Kidman not being there would. He didn’t care if Kidman saw him naked, he didn’t have much shame in those regards, she’d seen him much worse than just naked. Stefano looked uncomfortable though and his eye was trained directly at one of the tubs as if it were something much more than it was. He was looking at it because he knew what it actually was.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good,” he shooed her away, letting go of Stefano’s hand to stroke up his arm. He didn’t even turn to watch her leave, had his attention on the man before him, who was pale and still intent on that tub. “Hey, you okay?”

Stefano bit his lip and nodded. “We’ll be in contact, won’t we? She can extract us whenever we need to be?”

“I have no intention of letting you out of my sight,” Sebastian promised, wished that his older promises were still holding up. “But yeah, we’ll both have communicators, remember? If we get separated, we’ll be able to find each other. And we can talk to Kidman whenever we need to.”

Stefano set his cane down, resting it against the tub. He drew closer to Sebastian, his hands finding Sebastian’s waist and stroking along it to wrap around him.

“You’re scared.”

“Of course I am,” Stefano admitted, laying his head against Sebastian’s chest. “You heard what she said. There won’t be any people in there, aside from the five of us.”

Sebastian hugged Stefano back. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Stefano shook his head against him. “It means there will be less obstacles, I’m sure, less monsters, less casualties if we fail, but it also means less distractions.”

Sebastian pulled away from him a bit, “Less distractions? Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Before, when there were more minds connected, their obsession with normality, their ideas of what Union was supposed to be, made it harder to be manipulated for those of us who knew we were within a dream. I could create, of course, but when I did so in someplace other than my own space there was a chance that it would revert to how it had been. There will be less distractions in this STEM, which means that we’ll be able to change it without trying.”

“You think you’ll revert,” Sebastian sighed, realizing what Stefano was dancing around. He closed his eyes. “Stefano, that’s not going to happen. You were changed by Theodore, by Paolo, to become that killer. It’s up to you what you’ll become now. And I’ll be at your side all the while. If you think you’re going to falter, you can lean on me.”

“And if I hurt you?” Stefano asked.

“That’s not going to happen.” Sebastian kissed him, long and slow, reminding him that there was more to him than words. He was a man of action and that wasn’t always a good thing, but Stefano melted against his touch.

---

He had never expected to come back here. He had never wanted to. Juli had told them what to expect and it was so different from Union, but he still didn’t think that he was ready. He lay down in the tub, letting the fluids wash over him. His hands were on the sides of the tub though, knuckles white, and he turned to Sebastian, hoping for just one more argument, one more excuse as to why he shouldn’t come. He had been brave before, had acted like this wasn’t a compounding of trauma, but now it was happening, now it was real, and he wanted escape. Sebastian’s eyes were closed, his brows furrowed in concentration. They were going to do this.

“Don’t worry,” Juli put her hand on his shoulder, plugging him into the machine. “I’ll be out here for you. If it ever gets to be too much, you let me know. I’ll extract you as fast as I can.”

He nodded. That helped a little, even though he knew that if they came out they’d have to start over from the initial insertion point. He let go of the edges and let himself slide further under the liquid, taking one last look at the metal tanks that held the Cores.

This wasn’t like Union. In Union there had been only Lily and he hadn’t seen how they’d kept her in a metal chamber. There had been hundreds of tubs, like the ones that they were in, all of them citizens of that imaginary world.

He wasn’t ready for this. He’d ever be ready.

He closed his eye, following Sebastian’s lead, and suddenly he was falling back into the fluid, falling and plummeting, eye flying open to watch as so much of that white liquid fell away from him. He was unable to breathe, unable to fight against his drop into the depths. He felt himself start to choke on the nothing, reaching at nothing, wondering why Juli wasn’t pulling him up, wasn’t pulling him out. The liquid wasn’t that deep but he was miles down, the lights from outside a soft glow in the distance. He was struggling, trying to shove his way upward, but he felt a weight on his chest, a weight that was pulling him down. He opened his mouth but all that came out were the air bubbles that he so desperately needed.

He was dying. He had been a fool to agree to this. He’d known it at the time, too. But now he was drowning. Now he was suffocating. He was dying and it was pain and it was hands on his throat, in his lungs, shoving liquid into him.

And then it stopped and he was floating and there was no liquid around him. Either that or he didn’t need to breathe. He wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t suffering any more. He was slowly sliding down towards a field of pale blue grass, all of it reaching up for him, looking as if it would catch him and cradle him and pull him down into comfort. He looked around but he didn’t see Sebastian anywhere in this space. He wondered if Sebastian was in a place quite this beautiful or as terrifying.

He drew towards the bottom and he realized that there was no grass beneath him. The gentle swaying beneath him was not soft stocks but drowned fingers pale and blue from lack of air. They were attached to reaching arms, ready to grab him and keep him, to drag him down and make him one of them. He threw out his arms, trying to slow his decent, looking around for anything that he could grab onto. There was nothing but that field. He had no choice.

He kicked out, trying to keep the hands away. They did not care about broken or bloody fingers. The trailed their fingers over his socks, clung to his lounge wear, and held him tightly. He considered kicking off his pants in order to escape them but they were already holding him by the ankles, their skin so cold that it chilled him. It was elegant, in a way, the way that the hands all moved together, the field a garden of expression. It looked like an art piece that he would have made in a different life. Where he was now though, on this side of the exhibit, he was not so much an audience member as he was an unwilling participant.

The hands were heavier than the weight on his chest had been and when they grabbed they pulled, arms sliding into the field as if they were nothing more than tube worms. They were forced to release him as their fingers were separated by unadulterated earth. He stood among them, more tall ones waving at him, beckoning him closer, others trying to shove behind him. They were pointing him in a direction, towards a slanted building that kept flickering and flashing, glitching out into squares before scrambling into a different building altogether. There were five of them, if he had to guess, though it was confusing as some of them stole parts of others and they didn’t cycle in an order. The shorter ones were stretched out to match the heights of the taller ones, adding to the confusion. He did recognize the apartment building he had grown up in though and seeing it filled him with a dread that he had not allowed himself to feel while with Sebastian, ignoring his own painful childhood memories while recounting what good ones he still remembered.

There was no where else to go. He had to go towards the building. As he moved the arms shuffled and tightened, pulling down so he could cross, stepping on uncaring fingers as he went. Eventually the fingers ran out and the field looked like it was made out of black glass, only a few feet away from the entrance.

The building glitched, breaking into more pieces, breaking up further than it had any time before, and then shattering, colors and squares breaking apart and flying out, changing shape and color, forming a street that led to a town in the distance, wispy woods growing around it, trying to invade the cement past a weak wooden fence.

There was a fork and down the other side was Sebastian, who didn’t seem to be anywhere near as disoriented as he was. Sebastian was, however, smoking slightly and Stefano knew not to ask about whatever fire Sebastian had had to put out on his way here. He knew Sebastian’s past and he knew his nightmares. He didn’t need to bring them up.

He was glad to see that Sebastian was dressed like a normal person, no wandering around in the sweats that he had been in when they had stepped into the tubs just minutes before. He was wearing a brown, pinstriped vest and brown slacks that Stefano had never seen before, his white dress shirt unbuttoned a bit to reveal a hint of his chest, his neck unconstrained by a tie. Glancing down at himself he was glad to see that he was decently dressed as well, crimson slacks and a deep blue satin dress shirt, much more comfortable and much more him than the comfortable clothes he’d been told to wear. He recognized them as well, old clothes but feeling fresh and new, some of the first clothes he’d purchased once being released from the military’s care in America.

Stefano rushed over as best he could with the light limp that still threatened him so often, taking Sebastian’s hand in his own and drawing close. Sebastian gave his hand a light squeeze and offered a damaged smile, which Stefano would always take, even if it filled him with a concern he was still learning how to form.

“Regretting it yet?” Sebastian asked, trying to tease but there was no merriment in his voice.

Stefano tugged on his hand, making him stumble closer to him so he could press a kiss to his cheek, to pretend that what he had seen had not unsettled him and made his hands itch to create. “I would only regret it if I did not find you on the other side.”

Sebastian’s smile reached his eyes then, before they turned away, towards a lightly glowing figure down the road. Stefano turned his attention to her as well, although there was no where else he could look, eventually, as she was standing in front of a roundabout which held a large imposing tree. There was a wooden sign planted in the roundabout with a very familiar image of a tree that looked far more like a brain than could be coincidental.

“Hello,” the woman said as they drew near, her voice a perfect monotone. Stefano hated her immediately. Everything about her was flat and bland, even though she was glowing faintly, even through her bland gray pantsuit. “You may call me Luci. Welcome to Junction.”

Stefano was impressed. He wasn’t expecting the A.I. to look so human. It was accurate but uncanny, just slightly off in the motions.

She cocked her head, eyes looking them over in a mechanical manner and Stefano was brought to the conclusion that she was scanning thm. “I am an A.I., set in motion to accommodate and direct Mobius scientists through Junction. The fact that you do not recognize me give me cause to believe that you are an infiltration in the system. Name and registration, please.”

Sebastian looked at Stefano, but he had no registration here either.

“We were sent in for repairs,” Stefano explained, trying to come up with something believable, “and we are not altogether Mobius scientists. We were not given proper registration numbers as we were expected to meet other scientists here. Give us a moment to contact our superiors?”

She looked at him as blankly as before. “There have been no Mobius agents within STEM in 298 days. The Cores are out of alignment and need to be re-calibrated. There is a long list of repairs that need to be accomplished, but I cannot allow you entry until you have your registration.”

“Understood, my dear,” Stefano gave her a smile that would have charmed a real woman of her ilk. She did not respond to it. “We will return momentarily.”

He still had Sebastian’s hand in his own and he turned them to go back a few steps, pulling out the radio that was stuck on his belt, unnoticed until just then. Sebastian was looking at him quizzically but that was fine, there were many times in which Sebastian didn’t catch onto things as readily as he did.

“Juli? It seems we’ve run into a small hindrance.”

“Already? That’s impressive,” she sounded amused at least, if a little out of breath.

“We’ve met the illustrious Luci and she was hoping for our registration, could you make us some, right quick?”

He heard something drop heavily onto the floor, with a light squish that, paired with the lack of reality he was now in, reminded him greatly of his exhibit in City Hall. “Uh, yeah, give me a few seconds.”

He clipped the radio back onto his belt. Sebastian looked proud. He’d had people tell him that they were proud of him before, had people tell him how impressive his work was, but Sebastian was the first one who made him feel like it was true, that it wasn’t a stroke to his ego. He could still feel Luci’s cold eyes on them and, whatever mood that would swell in his heart was dashed before anything could come of it.

“Alright,” Juli sighed from her home on Stefano’s waist, “get the radio close up to it.”

Stefano returned to Luci and held out the radio, letting Juli state their names, falsified occupations, and a long list of numbers. Stefano tried to memorize his but it was too long and she only said it once before a small smile flitted onto Luci’s boring face.

“Welcome to Junction, might I point you in a direction of your choosing or shall I give you the list of malfunctions?”

“We’re heading for the Core, Joseph Cedric Oda,” Sebastian said, deliberate and to the point.

Luci seemed to think on that for a moment, getting confused more than a machine had any right to. “The Cores are not in proper alignment and may not be in the correct quadrants,” she explained. “Block 24A-31E is Core JO’s primary state of establishment, otherwise known as The Junction City Police Department.”

“Of course,” Sebastian gritted his teeth. Stefano didn’t understand why. They had both been detectives together, Sebastian had told him so on the flight over, so finding him in a place that he would find comfort and understanding in was not much of a surprise. “Thanks.”

“A pleasure to be of assistance,” Luci stilled, no longer active now that it was clear that Sebasastian was done speaking with her.

“Come on,” Sebastian squeezed his hand, “We’re going to need to get a move on, I don’t care if Juli said there are no monsters, this place gives me the creeps.”

Stefano nodded. Even with Luci offline he felt like he was being watched.

@chibi–raiden @detectivesebcas @angelicsociopath@sebcastellanyes @ruvikkin@lokis-queen-hepta-the-destroyer@samofgallifrey27 @supportivepsychopath @zellanoir

#the evil within 2 #joseph oda #sebastian castellanos #Stefano Valentini #fanfiction

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quackspot · 5 years

Note

imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is: i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. . in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

#ohrat

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loftyexecutor · 6 years

Text

jejune

pairing; addelsain [MPIMHE] wc; 3268 rating; t/nsfw [theres one dick touch at the beginning] category; emotional hurt/comfort notes; i havent posted anything in ages and im sorry jfdsgkjd this is self indulgent af but have dox feeling unloved✌✌

Dox turns over, letting out a small noise as he emerges back in the waking world. The blanket is warm where it is bunched by his feet, but Immortal’s chest is warmer where he nuzzles his head into the redhead’s sleeping shirt. He can tell the other is awake by the tiny snort he hears above.

“Good morning,” he mutters, voice raspy from sleep. He scoots a bit up to plant a kiss Immortal’s lips, unheeding of morning breath.

“Mm, morning,” is Immortal’s sluggish reply as he burrows his cheek into the pillow.

The side behind Dox is cold, meaning Herrsh is already up and about, but he’s more interested in his other, currently present partner at the moment. Especially when he can feel a certain body part poking his thigh.

Dox’s lips quirk up into a grin and he slips a hand between them, scooting down Immortal’s body, down his taut stomach and into the waistband of his shorts to curl around his half-hard cock. His hand is barely big enough to wrap around the girth and it somehow manages to send a spark through him.

“Someone’s eager early,” he laughs not unkindly, but Immortal’s hand wraps around his wrist and pulls his hand out of his shorts. Dox quirks his head in confusion; after all, Infi — Immortal — has never been one to decline such an offer before, especially one this bold.

“Gotta go shower,” Immortal grumbles, moving away to get up and head to the bathroom without even a look back.

Dox is left alone on the suddenly too-big-for-him bed, looking at the closed bathroom door with a mixture of confusion and hurt swirling deep in his belly.

Had he done something wrong? Overstepped some invisible boundary he hadn’t known was there? Is Immortal angry at him?

He finds no answer to any of the questions running through his mind, so he does his best to push them away and make sure he’s more careful next time.

The next manages to — somehow? he’s not sure here — go even worse. He returns from Echo’s place with a lollipop she’d given him (they’d gotten that close over the years) stuck between his lips, humming a tune. His spirits were high, and then he found his lovers making out in the kitchen.

Not that that was a bad thing, of course not, but when they’d taken notice of him standing there, watching them with rapt attention, Immortal had pulled away and, red faced as he was, chuckled and said, “I guess that’s enough, haha.”

Dox had watched him retreat into the bedroom; neither his nor Herrscher’s arousal had been very discreet. Dox didn’t dare ask this time, just biting through his lollipop and chewing at the shards as he left Herrscher to go after Immortal.

He can’t even count the days they haven’t had sex. Well, he can, but he’s not going to hurt himself that way.

What he can count, though, is the number of days he hadn’t been kissed. Well, again, not quite correct, but he can very easily count the number of days he hadn’t been kissed on the lips. The others just… stopped doing it.

If he’s lucky, Immortal would kiss his cheek, or Herrscher would lean down and kiss his forehead, but that’s all he’d get. Even asking for a kiss would yield the very same results, so he doesn’t bother anymore.

He fills the void in his chest with chocolate, with helping Echo, with shopping for parts he doesn’t need, with missions he’s not needed on, with trying to find the thing he’d done wrong. He can’t find it, and it only drives it further home.

He wants to be held, wants the cold seeping into his bones to go away, but some masochistic part of him forces him to stay in bed, curled up and shivering. He wouldn’t be given what he wants anyway.

Dox stands in the doorway, holding on to the frame for a second as he watches his lovers lean on each other, completely engrossed in their conversation. He itches to cross the few meters separating them and sprawl across the sofa with them, but he forces that itch down.

It's not his place anymore, he knows. So he retreats upstairs, too silent in the already silent building.

The bed — his bed, the small one in his room, not their shared one — becomes a sanctuary to him. The blanket is warm around him and the pillow doesn't ask why he stays there so much, why he curls up and twists the blanket between his feet. His old room is as messy as his life feels, with unfinished blueprints strewn about the table, El shards piling up between them and rolled in the corners where they'd fallen and he didn't bother picking them up.

His suit sits on a mannequin propped in its own corner, as if taunting him. He'd tried to prevent this, he really had.

But no matter how differently he'd talked or if he'd even withdrawn from affection himself, Herrsh and Immo had always ended up slowly disliking him. He supposes it was bound to happen eventually; they'd lose interest in him sooner or later. No one could stand him if they learned all he'd done.

He'd thought he had come to terms with it.

Unfortunately, he hadn't, as it would seem.

The door opens with a creak he'd gotten used to at this old place and he panics for some reason, squeezing his eyes closed and stilling his body in hopes of appearing asleep. Maybe they'd finally come to the conclusion that they didn't like him anymore?

Who is it? Dox strains his ears and concludes it's Immortal from the way his steps come up to the bed, loud and bold, yet he's trying not to make noise and 'wake' him up.

The gesture makes Dox's heart beat faster.

There's a few moments where Immortal just stands over him in silence and Dox hopes to Ishmael and any other gods that his fake sleeping is convincing enough to fool the other. It seems it is, because Immortal sighs and twists on his heel, leaving the room just as quickly as he'd entered.

Dox's shoulders slump, body he didn't even know had been strung like a bow relaxing, almost melting into the covers.

If he can get a few hours more to pretend they still love him before they take it away from him, he'll take it. Faking sleep had never been all that hard anyway. But now that Immortal had left without a single word or action, Dox feels like he'd been robbed of all the energy he'd had.

He wishes he could have either of their arms around himself now — because wishing for both would be way too much when he can't have either. He wishes he could feel lips against his own, robbing him of breath and making him feel light headed. He wishes for ever curious fingers making him feel like he's interesting, like he's worth it.

Bile forces its way up his throat and he desperately swallows it down around the lump lodged there. The corners of his eyes sting no matter how hard he forces them shut, even when there's colors dancing across the darkness.

He feels pathetic for crying over something so obvious, something he'd expected, but the tears are there nonetheless, rolling down his cheeks and staining the pillow with both normal and dark drops.

Ugly sobs tear from his lips, and through them, he doesn't even hear the door opening again. He's startled by a hand placed on his shoulder, shaking him softly.

Through blurry eyes he can see Immortal kneeling next to the bed, but not much else. His voice is soft and quiet, as if he's placating a scared animal. Honestly, is Dox anything else? "Dox, what's wrong? C'mon, talk to me, what happened?"

Dox's heart pangs at the thought that Immortal feels like he has to calm him. He raises a hand up to his face, furiously wiping the tears away, though the results are dubious.

"I'm fine," he says, pushing himself upright.

"That is such bullshit," Immortal scoffs, reaching out to brush a thumb over Dox's cheek, "Half your face is black!"

Dox chuckles, pushing Immortal's hand away with one of his. "Sorry."

"What're you apologizing for?! For El's sake, Dox, what happened?"

Dox flinches away as Immortal raises his voice, almost unconsciously. Immortal's expression drops at that and he grits his teeth, angry at himself for letting himself go like that. Dox doesn't like shouting, he really, really doesn't.

Dox contemplates going back and saying something else, something that wouldn't make Immortal angry, but then he thinks back to the failed attempts of not reaching this conclusion and decides against it. He would just mess up in a different way, probably.

"You don't have to pretend to care about me anymore," he says, looking down at the bunched blanket between them, hanging halfway off the bed. It's suddenly so interesting, the way the thin purple lines bunch and move over and under the folds. "I already figured out that you were just waiting for the right time to tell me."

Immortal stares at him in silence for long minutes, fiery gaze burning right through Dox. Then, he stands up, and Dox thinks this is it, he's gonna turn around and leave. But he doesn't.

"How did you get to that conclusion?" Immortal asks, his voice steady even though inside he feels nothing but steady. He wants to cry and scream and hold Dox close until he stops thinking such stupid things.

"You don't like touching me anymore. I guess you thought you were sneaky, but it was pretty obvious you didn't want to have sex with me anymore." Dox laughs, eyes looking through the sheets, somewhere far away. It's easier to talk about when he's making fun of it. "And then you stopped kissing me, and I just wasn't… Well, you've made it kinda obvious once I looked at the whole picture! I was actually surprised when you touched my cheek just now, haha!"

Tears prick the corners of his eyes but he refuses to let them fall this time. At least not before Immortal leaves.

"Dox…" Immortal breathes out, as if beyond words. And he is; does his lover think they don't... love him anymore? "Dox, listen to me, I love you— we love you! We never stopped, and we never will!"

Immortal's knees hit the mattress on either side of Dox and he leans down to wrap long arms around Dox's small form. The time traveler simply slumps in the hold, tears rolling down his cheeks once more, despite how hard he'd tried to stop them. He laughs shakily. "What are you doing?"

"Dox, I'm sorry," Immortal mutters into his ear, close enough to do that, "I didn't think you'd... think something like that. I love you, I truly do."

Dox sniffs, a gross sound that should've deterred anyone, but Herrscher enters the room instead, taking in their tangled state. "Why don't you like being with me anymore then?"

"That's not it, Dox! It's just that you l—"

"Herrsh? Could I get a kiss?" Dox asks, cutting him off with a another sniffle. Herrscher looks at Immortal first, slowly puzzling it out in his mind, and then he leans down and presses his lips to Dox's forehead for a split moment.

Herrscher only ever does what Immortal does. Dox fights more tears, though his voice is wavering.

"See? That— that wasn't a romantic kiss… That was a 'will you leave me alone if I do this?' kiss," he mumbles.

Herrscher looks at Immortal, brows furrowing. "It was?"

"No!" Immortal huffs, placing both hands on to Dox's shoulders. "Listen to me for a sec?"

Dox's face looks ten shades of pain at that moment, eyes watery with the unshed tears, and Immortal feels like punching a wall right then. Maybe later.

"We," he says, slowly, to make his point even clearer, "love. you. Shit, Dox, I didn't think you were… Let me explain, it's not that we don't wanna touch you and kiss you, it's just— it's weird!"

"Weird?"

"You're a kid! I'm not gonna fuck a kid! I'm not gonna shove my tongue into a kid's mouth!" Immortal huffs, making a disgusted face, even holding out his tongue.

"I'm not a kid," Dox says, "I'm like five years older than you."

Immortal immediately looks offended, "You're not!" he cries, "You're like three and a half older at most. But still, you look like a kid and it just… feels weird, y'know."

"So you don't love me as much when I look like this?" Dox asks, trying to puzzle this whole thing out. He feels dumb, like he'd just been presented with a machine and told to reassemble it and he has no idea how.

"No! Where do you keep coming up with these dumb ideas! I swear, it's like you're not a genius at all," Immortal grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Herrscher has made himself comfortable on the bed by then, wrapping his arms around Dox from behind and pulling the boy against his chest.

Immortal continues, bouncing on his knees just the tiniest bit. "It's not more or less love, it's just kind of different love? Like, what I just said. I don't... wanna fuck you in this form, but it does make me wanna carry you around and hug you more, y'know?"

"Nuh-uh," Dox shakes his head, brows furrowed.

"See, like that! That just makes me wanna squeeze you. You're very squeezable in this form, by the way."

This finally gets a chuckle out of the time traveler. "Thanks."

Immortal's smile falls into a serious expression again. He brushes the curly strands from Dox's face, thumb rubbing soft, small lines into his cheek. "Dox. We love you. Really, we do. And by Ishmael if you need us to show you then we will, won't we, Herrsh?"

Herrscher makes a non-committal, but vaguely affirmative hum, throat vibrating against Dox's shoulder.

"So I can get a kiss if I switch forms?" Dox asks, swallowing. A ball of… — what, shame? self hate? insecurity? — had lodged itself deep in his stomach, weighing him down and making his gut twist painfully. It almost feels like he wants to puke. It's honestly surprising that his voice doesn't break more than it does. "A— a proper one?"

Immortal looks wrecked as the words leave Dox's dry lips, eyes shouting a vehement 'goddess, sorry!' He looks guilty. "As many as you want, Dox, I swear, I…"

Pink light floods the room and Immortal is a little glad for the timing, unsure where his ramble had been heading. Dox's tiny frame faded with the light, a bigger one left in its place, lithe limbs tucked uncomfortably between them and long strands of hair falling limbly in his face as he hangs his head. For whatever reason Immortal can't figure out, Dox is trying to make himself appear smaller, shoulders tensed and back bent.

He's shivering between them, just like a leaf.

Immortal's heart breaks at the sight; what did Dox think would happen now? That they would tell him they didn't want him in his true form either? What a joke.

Except he knows that's right, and the knowledge makes him want to cry. They'd really screwed up. Or, more accurately, he had. Because Herrscher used him as a guide, wasn't sure about feelings or human emotions or anything, so anything he did was right in the celestial's book. Sometimes that knowledge was off-putting.

He raised a shaky hand to Dox's cheek again, hooking a finger under his chin to gently tilt his head up. Dox's face is a mess and he refuses to look Immortal in the eyes.

Immortal rubs under his eye with a thumb, over the very prominent dark circles he wishes weren't there. "Can I kiss you?" he asks, watching Dox's eyebrows do a dance under his bangs, unsure what position to land in.

All he manages is a small nod.

Immortal leans in, only hesitating a split second mere hair breadths away from Dox, and presses his lips to Dox's in a soft, tender kiss. He can almost taste the whimper that leaves Dox's throat, dying somewhere on his tongue. The kiss itself tastes of salt, dried tears clinging to Dox's lips; Immortal wishes they hadn't been there in the first place.

Dox's arms come up to grip at his shirt, fingers trembling and knuckles turning white from the force with which he fists the fabric. He clutches at Immortal like he's a last lifeline before the doom of an endless sea.

Herrscher holds him close in turn, peppering kisses along the scar peeking from beneath his long hair. He can feel the way Dox's heart pounds like a hummingbird trying to escape a cage.

The scene feels a bit more than a little bizarre, but none of them mind at the moment. Dox sniffles and rests his head against Immortal's collarbone. He doesn't say anything, doesn't trust his voice not to betray him.

"Hey," Herrscher breaks the silence, squeezing Dox's torso the tiniest amount. "We love you, you know."

"I'm sorry," Dox mutters into Immortal's shirt. He trembles between them.

"Why're you sorry? It's okay, c'mon."

There's a beat of silence and then Dox shoves his face into his hands, Immortal's shirt and all. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

Herrscher opens his mouth, brows drawn together in confusion, but Immortal shakes his head. "You're forgiven," he says softly, running a hand through Dox's hair, carding it through the silky locks. He doesn't know what Dox is apologizing for, but obviously it means a lot to him. "It's okay now, I promise."

Herrscher gently guides Dox's chin to the side so he can also kiss him. "Love you," he says, pressing his cheek to Dox’s.

Dox reaches to Immortal, tugging on his shirt a little as if to bring him closer, but it’s nowhere near strong enough to do that. It’s the first such thing he’d done all day. He looks at Immortal like a kicked puppy, cheeks red and puffy from all the crying. “Hold me?” he asks — begs — and something within Immortal breaks. “Please…?” Dox whispers, looking ready to cry again when Immortal doesn’t move for a second too long.

He makes up for it by flinging himself forward, encasing Dox in his arms, smushing Herrscher’s between himself and Dox. The time traveler hiccups a sob between them, but they just hold him closer, a messy and wet sandwich of misery and love.

Immortal’s mind races as Dox slowly calms down, slumped in their hold and ready to pass out at any second. He wants to make it up to him; Dox deserves at least that much. He hadn’t even realized his behavior would make him feel like this, the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind with how much he adores his lover, but that doesn’t mean it hadn’t.

He can already tell Dox is not going to want to change from this form for a while at least. Usually, even unconsciously, he’d shift into the smaller form when going to bed, but right now he’s exactly as solidly big and lanky as ever. Immortal feels sick when the realization dawns on him that they might’ve tainted the form Dox had used to feel better in with bad emotions.

He’ll make it up to him. He’s not sure how, but damned be Elrios if he doesn’t.

#elsword #addelsain #.elsword #.addelsain #.hurtcomfort #.3K #.personal fave #im tired im going to bed now

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drews-diary · 3 years

Text

21.08.19

today’s diary entry is gonna be weird. also hi, its been a while. a few days ago, i learned that the fourteen year old i tutor has a boyfriend. and while that is a perfectly reasonable age to have a boyfriend i just cant get over the fact that someone born in 2007 is already capable of typing let alone dating. I remember when my friends little brother who was also born in 2007 was crawling around and cried cuz he hit his head on the table. but to be fair that didnt really bother me too much as i always felt as though i was stagnant and things around me were the ones always changing.

But then today i was listening to taylor swift’s old albums cuz i was feeling nostalgic and i listened to fifteen from the fearless album that came out back in 2009 and i realized that she released that song when she was around twenty which means she probably wrote in when she was in her teens writing about how she knows so much more than she did back when was starting high school that she wish she could tell her younger self. and i remembered listening to that album as a child and expecting myself to feel the same by the time i became an adult. yet here i am at 21 no thoughts head empty. and i realized that even if i met 15 year old me there is next to nothing i would want to tell her because i still feel like i am more or less still the same ignorant uninformed person. the only thing i would tell her is to stop fucking around and focus on school.

i feel like i dont have as much experience as the other people around me. I never used to care that i’ve never been romantically involved with someone, but i always thought it would happen eventually when i got to college but a three semesters have passed and i have yet to take a single class on campus.

to be completely honest the only reason i am even fever writing this right now is because i had a ice cream blending cold brew from starbucks this evening because i had to get up excruciatingly early for class registration (which i completely failed at) and had three tutoring classes today meaning i didnt have time for my daily afternoon nap so the coffee was the only thing making sure i didnt fall asleep during my last class. I purposely dont drink coffee regularly so that i can use it like a magic potion when i need it and the caffeine hits me like a bus. it has been six hours and i am still wide-eyed i should not have gotten a grande. today was also my first time trying coldbrew so there’s that. i was kinda grateful for the effects because it made sure i was awake for today’s episode of hospital playlist but now i kinda wanna sleep since i didnt get much last night and i would like to make sure i dont miss my class tomorrow morning, i have to get up at at least ten, but here i am typing this.and i think i am just going to keep going.

my family moved recently, and for the time being my entire room is surrounded by bookshelves because my brother’s bed is too big and we cant fix any bookshelves into his room and i am only using a mattress topper thing for the next few months. this is because i finally convinced my mom to let me throw out that horrid bed with the curved head and foot board with the flower decorations that always dug into the back of my head, neck, and back when i was trying to read. so that is the situation in my room until the end of the year when hopefully my brother’s whole situation will be over and we can finally go furniture shopping and switch rooms. (we are also currently living in each other’s room because his permanent room aka my current room cannot fit his fucking gigantic boat bed. actually i really love that bed i wish he was still young enough to use it its so cute.

i find our new neighborhood unsettling. like its probably because i got so attached to our old house that we lived in for nine years but i dont know. the place we moved to is a location that i used to spend some time in when we first moved to korea but i literally havent been here in nine years as mentioned earlier, and i am slowly piecing my memories of the geography as well as blending it with the incredibly limited knowledge i have of the nearby surroundings that i built riding the bus and when i was learning to drive because the school that i went to is kind of near our new place. anyways to get back to the subject this new neighborhood is full of too many happy families with these little kids that run around with their sticky little fingers flailing around. like hello we are still in the middle of a global pandemic i swear to god parents of little kids will go loose their minds when their children get sick yet they let them just run around spreading their disgusting little disease to the rest of us. ugh i hate kids. but thats besides the point the reason i think the new neighborhood feels dystopian is because all of the families, children and the elders too (why are there so many elders like i dont hate them or anything most of them are fine but like where are they all coming from?) look so happy. where are the depressed high schoolers and burnt out college students? my brother and i dont seem to have any friends in this bitch. anyways so the sheer amount of happiness that seems to radiate around me reminds me of books and movies like the giver you know or like the uglies series where you start off in this utopian-esque world until you find out that it is actually fake. its unsettling.

okay now i am kind of tired good night. wait also the public transportation at our new place fucking sucks i know it’s pretty good by regular standards but i am used to subway stations, convenience stores, cafes and bus stops all being 30 seconds away from the entrance of my building. okay the bus stop took more like two minutes but whatever. and buses used to come every five minutes but now i have to walk at least ten minutes to the nearest subway station and the bus stops only have three buses and even those take so fucking long to arrive and they dont even arrive when they say they will they are always late which is why i end up fucking walking twenty minutes to the subway station because that way at least i can guarantee that i am not going to be completely late. unreliable ass buses.

fuck there’s a lot i dont like about my new neighborhood. oh wait we are also far from malls now i have to walk like half an hour to get to the nearest mall when at our old house i only had to walk ten minutes and the mall close to our new house is worse than the old one. this one’s movie theatre isnt even famous. but dont get me wrong i guess there are things i like about our new place like how you can call the elevator from inside the house or how there’s a gym and the fact that i now have ac in my room. i am just being a brat because i really loved our old house. it was perfect. even if i felt as though i was being burned alive during the summers sometimes. i also like my new blinds that let in light in the shape of constellations.

i dont currently have a desk in my room so i dont know what im going to do when school starts again in a few weeks i guess i’ll have to take my lecture on the floor or maybe on the kitchen table idk.

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