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sentientgolfball · 2 years ago

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My Starlight

Pairing: Omega/Terzo

Tags: hurt/comfort, Terzo being bitchy to Omega

Summary: Terzo can’t bottle up his insecurities anymore and it all spills out when Omega confronts him

Omega cursed under his breath at the sound of the broken note and shook his head trying to focus on the song. All week he had been distracted with this feeling of dread worming its way into his brain. He had been managing so far, but being there in the practice room rehearsing for the upcoming shows, the feeling was too strong to ignore. He had an idea as to what was causing it but he couldn’t bring himself to address it. That is until the problem spoke up.

“Everyone stop. Stop. Omega what’s gotten into you? This is the worst I’ve ever heard you play.” Terzo turned to him waiting for an answer, it was clear the man was annoyed even with the extravagant face paints. The other ghouls' heads snapped in Omega’s direction, interested to hear his response. It was no secret that Papa and the quintessence ghoul were close, but recently it seemed Terzo had grown distant. Anyone could feel the tension between the two and the ghouls were almost excited at the idea of being able to witness Omega explode on his beloved Papa.

To their disappointment Omega just sighed deeply, put down his guitar and without breaking eye contact with Terzo said “Everyone out. Now. I need to have a word with our Papa in private.” His tone was calm but stern leaving no room for an argument.

Terzo scoffed “You do not give the orders around here Omega. I am Papa and we will end rehearsal when I say” it was rare to see Terzo like this. He was usually so confident and flirtatious. This was the dread that was eating Omega alive all week. He could feel the anger dripping off his lover and it only got worse with each day.

He held Terzo’s gaze with unreadable eyes. The two were locked in a battle to see who would cave first. The other ghouls waited in anticipation, excited by the drama of it all. Eventually Terzo relented and with a dry laugh said “Alright fine, you all may leave. I’m intrigued to see what our dear Omega has to say that just cannot wait” his tone was completely different. Lighter. It was clear he was forcing the smile that pulled at his lips as he stared at the quintessence ghoul. The others were disappointed at being sent off, but didn’t dare to protest. Not out of fear of their Papa, but out of what Omega might do.

Once the others had gone there was a long and drawn out silence before Terzo spoke up “I know what this is about amore mio” he walked towards Omega who hadn’t moved an inch since putting down his guitar. For a moment the ghoul was hopeful. Maybe his Papa was going to be open with him without a fight? That hope quickly died when Terzo continued speaking “we’ve been busy all week and you just couldn’t wait for rehearsal to be over so you could get your hands on me, eh?” Omega sighed deeply and reached up to remove his show mask. Terzo stood there close to him watching the ghoul move. A genuine smile started to appear on his face as he looked upon his lover. That smile faltered when he saw the look on Omega’s face. He knew that expression all too well, it was the one he used whenever he had too much on his mind for his words to convey.

“We haven’t been busy all week, Terzo. You’ve been finding new tasks to do to avoid me” the ghouls tone was soft, careful. He had to be when it came to his Papa. He loved that man more than he loved anyone else and he would do anything for him, but he was fragile when he was like this. Omega was always able to tell when Terzo was struggling on account of his quintessence. It allowed him to sense another’s emotion when they’re near him. It’s why Terzo developed a habit of distancing himself from the ghoul when he had moments like these, much to Omega’s annoyance. All he wanted to do was be there for him, help him in any way he could, but it was always a fight with him. It’s not that he didn’t care for the ghoul, quite the contrary, it seemed like Omega was the only one he cared for some days, but the man was too stubborn to admit when he needed help. This is why Omega had to be careful. If he said the wrong thing or used the wrong tone of voice his Papa would shut down and become defensive which would only worsen whatever had caused his mood.

Terzo wrapped an arm around the ghoul’s waist pulling him closer “I’m here now, sì? I let everyone leave like you asked. Why don’t we make up for lost time then?” Terzo leaned in and started to plant kisses along Omega’s jaw and neck. The ghoul cleared his throat after feeling a blush creep on his face and used a clawed hand to turn Terzo’s head up to look at him. He looked at him softly before letting out a sigh

“you’re deflecting, amati.” He paused choosing his next words carefully “I meant it when I said I wanted to have a word with you”

Terzo hesitated before planting a chaste kiss on the ghouls lips “then I am all ears”

Omega took a deep breath to ground himself. The wave of emotions coming off of Terzo were strong. It was a mix of anger and fear with only a twinge of affection. It was making his head spin.

“Amore mio, has something been bothering you?” He asked silently begging that this time Terzo would relent and be honest with him

Terzo laughed “Of course nothing is bothering me. I am Papa Emeritus III. Nothing should bother me!”

Should. There it was. Omega never knew if he was aware of it or not, but his Papa always would say something to clue him in; like he was begging for someone to interrogate him so he could spill his guarded heart. Omega would always pull on the thread if it meant Terzo would open up.

“Just because you’re Papa doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel amore. Please tell me what’s troubling you” the second the words left his mouth he regretted it. The emotions radiating off of Terzo only strengthened making Omega feel physically ill at the intensity, but he swallowed it. This was the worst he had even seen Terzo. Whatever was bothering him was clearly something major. This only made the ghoul’s worry grow.

Terzo released Omega from the embrace and gestured with his hands as he spoke “As I said amore nothing is troubling me! I am the most powerful man in the Ministry, there is no reason for me to be troubled.” Terzo knew Omega could tell he was lying, but he could never tell his lover the truth. He was terrified at what the ghoul might think of him if he ever told him the things that run through his head. He hated himself for it. He knew what he was doing was unfair to Omega and he always felt guilty for it, but it was too hard for him to cry for help. He wished he could just tell his love everything about how weak he felt, about how much he hated looking at himself in the mirror, about how he’ll never be what his brothers were. He wished he could tell Omega everything. But he couldn’t. It was too painful because if he said the words out loud to another living being then they would be real. He’d have to face them instead of bottling them up and hiding them away in the deepest parts of his mind. He fed into his own insecurities this way convincing himself that if anyone understood just how vulnerable he truly was that he’d be cast out. Papa Emeritus had no room to be weak. And if he couldn’t be the one thing he was born to do then what purpose did he serve?

So he played this game with Omega. He would deflect and play everything off as ‘stress from work’ and Omega would allow him to. This is, until it started to get worse. For the last few months Terzo had been slowly getting swallowed by his own pit of despair. He couldn’t play it off anymore and the look of concern that came with his lover every time they were close crushed his heart. That’s why he started to distance himself. If he was going to burn he was not going to bring his starlight with him. Omega was persistent though, he refused to let his Papa drown in his own misery. He would lock them in the practice room if that meant Terzo would finally open up to him.

“Terzo…” Omega spoke his name softly, gazing at him with nothing but pure love and worry. The sound snapped him out of his thoughts and he slowly unfurrowed his brow. He hadn’t even realized he’d been scowling. He cut off the ghoul

“Well since I have told you there is nothing to worry about we should go now, sì? We do not want to miss dinner” he turned to leave, not bothering to wait for a response. He knew Omega would let him leave. The ghoul would never pry if someone didn’t want to speak, or at least that’s what Terzo thought until he felt a clawed hand grab his wrist. He immediately stopped in his tracks, but he still refused to face his lover. He didn’t want to see his pained expression. He knew of the quintessence powers and he knew now that omega was touching him he could truly feel everything.

“I’m not letting you leave…not this time. Not until you tell me what’s wrong. Please, I’m worried Terzo”

“I don’t know what you are worried about. Truly I’m fine.” He knew he wasn’t fooling Omega, even he could hear the crack in his own voice. He mentally cursed himself for letting his mask slip. He couldn't hide it anymore, not from Omega. He felt tears starting to slip from his eyes.

“Terzo I-“ Omega stopped and gasped softly when the man turned to look at him. His paint was smudged running down his face mixed with tears. It was a rarity to see Terzo actually cry. Omega went to say something and Terzo snapped

“Are you happy amore? Is this what you wanted to see! To see how weak I am? To see how a little pressure makes me break!” He knew he shouldn’t be so harsh. Omega had done nothing but love him endlessly, but he couldn’t stop the words that flew from his mouth. He felt small seeing the way Omega was looking at him with pain and shock.

He took a shaky breath “I’m a worthless Papa, Omega. I’m not strong like Secondo. I’m not calm like Primo. I have nothing. I’m only here because of my last name.” He couldn’t look Omega in the eyes as he spoke. He was afraid to see what lay there. Silence hung in the air for a moment before he felt himself be pulled into the ghoul’s embrace

“You are not worthless tersoro. You are a gift to this world simply because you exist. You do not have to be your brothers. You just have to be you. That is enough.” Omega held him close while he spoke. Maybe if he did his Papa would be able to feel just how much he meant to the ghoul. He just wanted to take all his pain away, to shield his heart from the thoughts that plagued his mind.

Terzo didn’t say anything for a long time. He didn’t move. He was tense. He was still afraid to look at Omega to see the pain he caused. The ghoul just stood there holding him in his arms giving him time to settle. He pressed his lips to Terzo’s head and whispered sweet nothings while swaying them. Finally Terzo spoke his voice quiet and cracked from the lump in his throat

“You are too good for me mia luce stellare. I don’t deserve this.”

“Of course you deserve this. Everyone deserves kindness. Everyone deserves someone to love them, especially when they are struggling.”

“I am a horrible man who’s only pushed you away. I don't deserve your kindness. I don’t deserve your love. I am not worth it.”

Deep down he didn’t believe the words he was saying. Some part of him knew he was wrong, but he couldn’t care. He wanted to be consumed by his own suffering at the moment. He didn’t want to feel anything else. Was it even possible for him to feel anything else?

Omega pulled away from the embrace just enough to be able to look at Terzo. His heart broke seeing his lover like this. He knew Terzo had been struggling lately and yet he waited. He waited to confront him and now his Papa had cracked. He felt guilty for it, but he didn’t say anything. He wanted to give all his attention to Terzo at this moment. He was being the most vulnerable Omega had ever seen and he wanted to do nothing more than to let him know he was safe and cared for.

“Do not say that amore mio. You are the only person I want to give my love to. Not because you are Papa, but because you are Terzo. I won’t deny it though, it hurts having you push me away. I’ve missed you tersoro, let me help you…please”

Terzo doesn’t say anything as he stares up at Omega. He doesn’t have the strength to. He slowly nods his head before burying his face in the ghouls chest to hide his face not caring about his ruined paints. Omega says nothing as he gently leads Terzo to the small bathroom in the practice room. He turns on the sink and lets the water warm up before grabbing a washcloth

“May I?” He asks Terzo tenderly. When the man nods, Omega carefully wets the towel and slowly washes the paint away. He’s gentle with his motions helping to soothe the man and calm him down.

When all of the paint is removed Omega can’t help but smile lovingly at his Papa. He was hardly ever seen without his paints on, but Omega loved to look at the real him. The ghoul dried his face off and leaned down to kiss him

“I miss seeing your face you know” this earned a chuckle from his Papa that made his heart swell. Without the paints Terzo looked older, the dark circles under his eyes no longer hidden by the black makeup. Omega ran his hands through Terzo’s hair, being sure to scratch at his scalp with his claws. Terzo let out a deep sigh and melted into the touch, tears welling in his eyes again.

Omega then helped Terzo stand and led him back to his papal chambers making sure to take the long way so as to not run into anyone who may question them. Once there, Omega pulled him close again and laid down onto the mattress. He wrapped his tail around Terzo’s leg and felt a soft purr kick up in his chest as he felt his lover relax in his embrace.

“I love you Terzo. Don’t ever believe otherwise.” He said giving him a kiss on the back of his head

“I love you too luce stellare.” As Terzo drifted off to sleep he thought about spilling his guts to Omega. Finally telling him everything that ran through his head, but he held off. He would save that for tomorrow, for now he just wanted to be there in the ghouls arms feeling his love in every way.

#the band ghost #omega 3 #omega x terzo #terzomega #the band ghost fic #fanfic #golfball writes

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swaps55 · 1 year ago

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20 Fanfic Questions

Tagged by @cchickki. Thank you!

Tagging @urrone @westernlarch @bioticbooty @commander-krios and anyone else who feels so inclined!

How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

944,833

I haven’t checked to see if Mezzo’s current word count will put me into 7 figures, but if it doesn’t, it’s close.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mass Effect. One trick pony right here.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sonata – Sam and Kaidan fake dating.

Cantata – The Making of Commander Shepard, aka, a group of misfits find a home in each other. Also it’s an epically slow burn friends to idiots to soulmates.

Celestial Navigation – One of the rare times I wrote smut. The entire time I worked on it I was the equivalent of a hissing cat stuck in a tree.

Pieces Form the Whole – A collection of mshenko shorts, prompts, etc., featuring more or less a proto-Sam Shepard who isn’t Sam Shepard but eventually became him.

Fugue – Alchera and the 2 year gap. A story about finding hope in grief.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Sometimes I go through a low spoons period where they sit for a bit, but I have a rule that I cannot post anything new until I have responded to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts on a thing I wrote. Community is the best part of fandom. Having others to yell and flail with about the fictional people in my head is fucking incredible.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

A short in Pieces Form the Whole called Faraway, So Close, which is the only Angst Without a Happy Ending thing I have ever written. It is the fic that kicks puppies. It is less than 1,000 words and I will never write anything like it again.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not sure I have ever written about two happier people than Sam and Kaidan at the end of Sonata.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope. The occasional odd comment, but I haven’t gotten any hate, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

When a story calls for it, I write it, though I’m too ace to write much smut for the sake of smut. I don’t have anything against it; smut just doesn’t interest me much unless the conditions are right. Couldn’t tell you what the conditions are. I just know them when I see them.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Crossovers and AUs aren’t usually my thing, but I have to admit I have been mildly tempted to write a Mass Effect/Stargate AU, because I sure wouldn’t have to work hard to set it up, and Sam Carter and Sam Shepard breaking physics would be tons of fun.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not translated, though I’ve had a couple of stories podficced, which is insanely cool!!!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Once, and it taught me rather painfully that cowriting is not something I am cut out for.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Shepard and Kaidan, to the surprise of no one.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

It’s pretty rare I start something I don’t finish. My head explodes if I try to work on more than one project at a time, so if I get invested in something it generally gets finished. I have a story called Cadenza that isn’t currently doing anything – because I can’t work on 2 things at once – that I really want to finish; I just don’t know when I’ll get there. But I really hope I will.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and combat are two things I have a very good time with.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I suck at setting. If reading that surprises you in any way, and hopefully it does, it is because I have worked very hard to suck less at it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have long envied the ability of others to write in other languages, and write dialect. I would love to be able to do it, but I suck at it. So add that to #17, lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically, it was The Black Stallion. I was probably eight. I sent The Black and Alec Ramsey to space.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Aww, don’t make me choose between my children. I love my stories. But gun to my head, long fic is probably Cantata. It was such a joy to write, and watching other people fall in love with OC characters I figured no one would care about was proof magic is real.

My favorite one shot is probably The Words That Change Us, an N7 day story that became the catalyst for all the Sam and Kaidan First Kiss AUs. Writing that story was an insane experience – I couldn’t write it fast enough. At one point I had two completely different conversations unspooling in my head at the same time. It’s so much fun to go back and read.

#mememe #meme replies #how writing is written

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maria021015 · 7 months ago

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Part 29 of convincing you to read my Stiles x oc fanfic using dialogue from ‘Rising Tides’.

Stiles: I don’t know what I did, but I know I did something. I’m telling you, Scott. She’s mad at me. I haven’t seen her since we got back to town.

Scott: Didn’t you say her brother grounded her?

Stiles: Yeah, but it’s been two weeks and she hasn’t tried to sneak out once.

Scott: Maybe she’s just following the rules.

Stiles: (insistently showing phone) But her replies to my messages have been really weird. Look!

Scott: (hesitantly) This just looks like a normal conversation…She’s still responding to you, right?

Stiles: (sighs philosophically) Scotty boy, there’s something you gotta learn, and it’s that not all girls are like Allison. She might completely cut you off when she’s mad at you, which makes it easy for you to tell, but most of them don’t do that. Most of them - like Zaida - will tell you it’s fine when really nothing is fine, and everything is about to explode in your face! Look, there’s no pop-culture references, or little rants about movie plot holes, and it’s all grammatically correct.

Scott: (confused) Why does the grammar have anything to do with it?

Stiles: (irritably) Because, Scott, usually when she messages she gets all excited about what she has to say so she ends up making a bunch of spelling and grammatical errors. Sometimes her sentences don’t even make any sense. But these all make perfect sense. Ergo, she’s absolutely furious and plotting all the ways she’s going to completely eviscerate me when she gets un-grounded.

Scott: Has anyone ever told you that you’re unnecessarily dramatic?

Stiles: Yeah, all the time, but what does that have to do with anything?

Scott: *internally face palms*

Stiles: I texted Lydia to ask her if she knew if Zaida was okay, and she said nothing was wrong! Can you believe that?

Scott: Believe what? Doesn’t that mean that she’s fine and you’re overthinking it? (Backtracking in realisation) Wait a minute, you got Lydia’s number, and instead of gushing about that for hours you’ve been decoding Zaida’s messages like some kind of Shakespearean book?

Stiles: Okay first off, that means that Zaida’s not just upset in general, she’s just mad at me specifically, which is infinitely worse. Secondly, Shakespeare wrote plays, not books. And thirdly, YES, keep up!

Scott: Right…And are you sure you still like Lydia?

Stiles: (ranting spiritedly) Yeah, duh. What does my hopeless crush have to do with anything? I’m not talking about Lydia right now, I’m talking about Zaida, and the fact that she’s going to use her powers to cook me from the inside out like a Stiles-sized microwave dinner!

Stiles: *blinks* Oh, shit.

Scott: ‘Use her powers’? What powers? I thought she still wasn’t presenting?

Stiles: Yeah…about that…So, we kind of discovered that the reason why she didn’t turn into a werewolf when Peter bit her was because she was already something else. You know how I told you I couldn’t hang out because I was sick with the flu? Well actually, I took her to her beach house in Monterey and we found her family’s Bestiary in a secret room hidden behind a bookshelf, which told us that she comes from a long line of Nymphs.

Scott: (outraged) You guys did what? You’ve both been working on this for how long? Who else knows?

Stiles: Just us two and Lydia. Oh, and Derek kind of knows a little, I guess. Which means Isaac probably knows a bit too. (Cringes) But Allison definitely doesn’t know anything.

Scott: So Allison and I are the only two people who had no idea about any of this?

Stiles: Look, she just wanted to figure it all out before she told you guys. Or, at least, before she told you. She doesn’t want to tell Allison anything because she’s convinced she’ll get another crossbow bolt to somewhere a bit more important this time - like her face - and I’m not yet entirely sure that she’s wrong.

BONUS

Stiles: Apparently, this is just the beginning of her power. Deaton thinks it can extend to being able to manipulate emotions too and project feelings onto other people.

Scott: Deaton knows too?!

Stiles: *blinks* Oh. Yeah, I forgot to mention him.

Stiles: Sorry, buddy. But hey, in our defence, you neglected to tell us that you were conspiring with Gerard and double-crossing him by slipping wolfsbane into his pills. So, I guess we’re even now.

#teen wolf #teen wolf fanfic #stiles stilinski #stiles #stiles x oc #teen wolf fanfiction #lydia martin #teenwolf fanfiction #female oc #female original character #scott mccall #incorrect teen wolf quotes

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princeandreis · 2 years ago

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I posted 2,112 times in 2022

That's 497 more posts than 2021!

848 posts created (40%)

1,264 posts reblogged (60%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@napsapnapsap-archive

@cleotheunicorn

@peepotalking-archive

@princeandreis

@ctinakitten

I tagged 2,028 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#mcyt - 1,136 posts

#pic - 336 posts

#georgenotfound - 283 posts

#liveblogging - 281 posts

#queue know i had to do it to em - 227 posts

#dream - 197 posts

#dreamwastaken - 195 posts

#dsmp - 175 posts

#dream smp - 170 posts

#sapnap - 119 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#the ruminating in echo chamber corners of social media… the insistence that the truth has been buried by a larger conspiracy… it all adds up

My Top Posts in 2022:

dream is like a minmaxed d&d character in real life. his stats are unbeatable in categories like pvp and parkour, and then he’s hopelessly bad at literally everything else. he’s so excellent at minecraft, it makes sense that he has to completely fumble the bag in every other game he tries

325 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

764 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

one thing that i think sets wilbur soot apart from a lot of other mcyts is he’s extremely mature in the way he goes about content creation. not in terms of the content itself, but in the way he goes about his career and how he interacts with other creators. he’s not close with many of them, but have you ever heard of wilbur soot having earnest beef with somebody online? nope, you haven’t, because he’s bigger than that.

there are so many petty squabbles and controversies that crop up online, and wilbur is always notably silent. that speaks volumes about his priorities. he seems to understand that jumping into those arguments serves 0 purpose and only fuels things further. (he’s also probably aware that joining in on controversy of any kind tarnishes his brand, so it’s a smart move from a purely PR standpoint.)

still, when things get really ugly and involve his friends, he encourages his community to show kindness above all else. take, for example, dream’s sexuality controversy on twitter in april. wilbur didn’t address it explicitly, but he went live (for a regular stream) perhaps a day or two after everything exploded and spoke about how important it is to be kind to other CCs (clip here). maybe i’m showing my bias because i’m primarily a dream team fan at heart, but it meant so much to hear someone who ordinarily is silent during controversy speak up in defense of his friend.

that’s another thing: wilbur and dream don’t even seem to be close friends, and wil still spoke in strong defense of him, in the name of decency and kindness. this wasn’t one of wilbur’s closest pals who was being attacked, but someone who’s a fellow content creator and friend. wilbur and dream have worked together many times and seem to get along well, and clearly there is a high degree of mutual respect between them. wilbur didn’t have to address the controversy, but he saw his friend’s name being dragged through the mud; so he asked his own audience to treat dream (without using his name) with respect. just as wilbur does. and that’s something he does with every CC he interacts with.

it’s sadly uncommon to see a mcyt who is so well-liked across the board, and who gets along with everyone he meets. if you ask me, it comes from wilbur’s experience in the industry. he’s been doing youtube and streaming for many years at this point and in many different circles, like soothouse, smplive, smpearth, the dream smp, etc. he’s educated in his field, and he’s now also working in music— i can tell you from personal experience that musicians who expect to go anywhere with their career have to be able to work with anyone, even the most difficult and insufferable kinds of people. you truly can’t expect to succeed in any creative field if you can’t adapt to your environment and work well with others. (wil is also just a naturally charismatic and funny guy, so he sets others at ease right away. not everyone has that gift!)

anyway, i just think it’s so neat to see a creator who does exactly the kind of content he wants (be it the most batshit-insane thing you’ve ever seen), succeeds at it, and also is held and holds others in high regard. it’s a testament to his passion for his work, as well as his love for others. i’m sure there are mcyts wil has worked with that he might personally dislike, but you’d never know because he treats everyone around him with the same kindness, decency, and authenticity that he does his closest friends. i love wilbur soot the end

899 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

mangoball predicted c!wilbur’s lore ending

1,405 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

foolish’s chat is hysterically funny sometimes like a few minutes ago someone sent in a dono like “hi foolish, doozer #100 here. i’m in charge of the laundry service and i’d like to request that the doozers stop leaving hamsters in the pockets of their dirty laundry” and then like a minute later another dono came in that said “sorry no can do, my hamster enjoys the spin cycle”

1,869 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#LMAO HELP ME #tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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twomanyfandomshelp · 5 months ago

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Tw: This got darker than I expected, and there’s mention of self harm, take care of yourselves

You just perfectly described the way I’ve been feeling for the past year or so. There are a lot of times when I feel hopeless or unmotivated or just uncaring.

Times when my brain tells me that nothing matters, we’re all going to die some day, so why bother trying.

Times when any and all motivation is simply gone and it takes a tremendous amount of effort to simply get out of bed, I have to force myself to brush my teeth, and even just getting dressed leaves me feeling mentally exhausted.

Times when my family makes fun of me or yells at me for being lazy, which just makes me feel worse.

Times when I don’t feel like I’m good enough, because everyone else in my life seems to be doing fine, so I hide my feelings until they explode out of me over something stupid.

Times when I can’t cry, but I feel the ache in my chest and eyes that tells me I need to.

Times when I’m holding back tears over the stupidest thing that I used to be able to just ignore, but because I don’t talk to anyone and bottle up my emotions everything just sets me off.

Times when I feel invisible or like no one knows the real me because I hide so much of myself from my friends and family because I don’t want them to worry.

Times when my friends come to me about all their problems, so I feel like I can’t tell them about mine, because I know everything they have going on and I don’t want to unload my problems onto them.

Times when I gently wrap bandages around the cuts my best friend carved into her wrist while she cries, quietly telling her that it’s not her fault and that everything is going to be okay, promising to be there for her through everything.

Times when I wish I was in therapy but don’t want to have to ask my parents to pay for something extra because I know my mom already had to get a second job because real estate just wasn’t paying the bills anymore because life on this godforsaken rock is too damn expensive.

Times when I stay up until two or three in the morning because it’s the only time I feel peaceful and the screaming in my mind gradually quiets.

Times when I lie awake at night and think about everything that’s wrong with me and fantasize about a different life, a better life where I’m not broken or where I actually talk about my feelings.

Times when I stare at my razor, wondering what it would feel like to drag it across my skin. I haven’t yet, but the thought crosses my mind every time I shave.

Times when it feels like nothing will ever feel good again.

Times when I’m truly happy, and it makes me think I’m fine, because I’m happy, so there can’t be anything wrong with me.

Times when I’m happy, and the negative emotions and feelings decide that’s the perfect time to overwhelm me and ruin what little joy I have by reminding me that I’m broken and nobody knows because I’m too scared to be vulnerable with people.

Times when I feel way too much all at once and everything makes me want to cry or smile or scream or laugh or punch something.

Times when I just feel numb to the world, the things that used to bring me joy don’t make me feel anything anymore, the things that used to make me cry don’t effect me, the things that used to make me scream and shout are just ignored.

Vent tw

I feel it's not a difficulty thing, I'm talented af, I learn stuff with so much ease, I think I lack motivation or something tbh

I see no reason to keep going forward, or to try at all, I don't know how I feel, maybe emptiness or satisfaction. I'm tired, and I don't see a reason to try, or to prove anything, not to other and not to myself.

Maybe deep down I gave up already, I feel despair, it has already swollen me whole.

I can't really give a shit about how things turn out to be, it doesn't matter to me, it doesn't matter,,, nothing matters to me, and I hate myself for this, I'm sorry.

What a waste of talent I am.

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moemammon · 4 years ago

Note

An MC that steals clothes to the point where they have more of the boys clothes than the boys do

Big Boyf hoodies

The Demon Bros react to MC Stealing their Clothes!

Lucifer

You have ten seconds before you're subjected to a vibe check

Jk, Lucifer MIGHT be okay with you wearing his clothes, depending on his mood. If he's got things to do, you'd best leave his stuff alone

Otherwise, the sight of you walking around wearing that huge fur coat of his is enough to put him in a much better mood for the rest of the day. Maybe he won't beat Mammon's ass today after all? 🤔

As long as you keep his fancy coat clean, he's happy. He might even start "accidentally" leaving things out for you to get to, and his ego inflates tenfold when he sees you've found them.

He'll tease you a little bit about it, asking "Did you miss me so much that you had to wear my clothing?"

Mammon

Bruh???? Where the hell did his jacket go-

He tossed it in the dryer and now it's gone! Time to destroy his room in the search-

And that's when he sees you walking around wearing it, like it's no big deal. You haven't even spotted him yet but boy is he staring

He doesn't even have a CHANCE to think about being mad at you, because you chose to wear his clothes specifically. His ego? Through the roof. Definitely considers buying you things to match what he wears.

Now everyone knows you're HIS human! He'd never let anyone else wear his stuff, after all! "You're the one that's been takin' my jacket?? Well.... I guess it's only natural that ya wanna wear the Great Mammon's clothes! S-so don't go takin' it off, ya hear?!"

Levi

The normie??? Is wearing HIS clothes??? Specifically the Ruri-chan shirt he sleeps in?????

The fact that you went out of your way to get them... He doesn't know if he's horrified or honored, but he's definitely somewhere in the middle considering the look on his face. And honestly he's so damn shocked that he thinks his heart might explode.

This is LITERALLY an epic gamer anime moment. When the male protagonist finds his lover/love interest wearing one of his oversized shirts.... m-moe...

He can't even look at you directly, so he has to do it through his camera lens. Did you really think he wouldn't fill up his entire phone's memory bank with photos of you? Think again. Maybe if he leaves some cosplay out, you might wear that too..?

"Wh-Huh? O-o-of course I knew you took my shirt! There's no way I wouldn't notice. B-But you don't have to take it off! I mean... you can keep it if you want... I have three more."

Satan

Satan doesn't know how to wear a coat properly anyway so it's no wonder you took it, to show him how it's done one sleeve wearing ass

It didn't take detective Satan very long to find out where it'd gone, because he soon spots you wearing it.

You're sitting in an armchair with his coat draped around you, clearly content and comfortable with your newly acquired clothing.

And he pauses, just outside of your line of sight so he can compose himself. He’d be lying if he said his heart didn't skip a beat when he saw it draped over you. It made him want to gather you up on his lap and keep you there forever.

Instead, once he's calmed down, he rounds the corner to question you about it. "If you were cold, why didn't you tell me? Here, let me sit next to you. Ah, you can keep the coat on. It suits you."

Asmo

This is literally all he's ever wanted tbh. He's not even surprised that you want to try on his clothes, because?? They're HIS.

But he's gushing about it forever. He's so quick to snap a million photos of you and posts them to devilgram, sets it as his home and lock screen, maybe prints a couple of photos to keep-

You never hear the end of it. Whether you were trying to be covert or not, he's got you and he's never letting go.

He'll literally give you the clothes he thinks will suit you best, and gushes over the say they compliment you.

"It's like having my own doll to dress up! You don't know how happy I am to put my clothes on you~! Shall we buy matching outfits? Or maybe... you prefer that they belong to me~?"

Beel

Beel can be a little forgetful, so sometimes he misplaced his jacket. He always finds it in the end, either through his brothers or his own means, so he's completely stumped when he's looked everywhere and STILL can't find it. And he's starting to get hungry again, so now he's more interested in going to the kitchen.

Then he finds you exiting your room, rubbing the sleep of your afternoon nap from your eyes. You don't seem to notice him and just quietly wander past, wearing Beel's jacket.

He doesn't even stop you, just watching you go before he's suddenly forgetting all about his hunger pains, and more interested in quietly following you like a dog.

You both end up in the kitchen, and he's still watching over you happily while you eat some chips. Don't mind him while he uhhhhh picks you up and takes him to his room so he can hold you lmao

"MC.... did you have my jacket this entire time? I was looking for it. Oh, I'm not angry or anything, I like seeing you wear it. You should do that more often."

Belphie

He realizes that you took something so fast-

Belphie may be able to sleep anywhere, but he has to be comfortable enough for it. That comfort usually comes in the form of his jacket, so when he discovers it's missing and has looked everywhere, he gets a little agitated.

Grumpy boy goes to find you to force you to take a nap with him until he feels better, and discovers that you're guilty. But his annoyance is replaced by pride when he sees how comfortable you look, napping away in his jacket.

He's not letting you keep it of course, but he's sure there's something else he can let you wear instead. Part of him is convinced you're only wearing it because it's comfortable, while the other part wonders if you're wearing it because it's his...

So he pokes your face until you wake up, and demands an answer. "You took my jacket without asking, huh? I couldn't sleep a wink because of you.....If you wanted to feel like I was with you, you should've just went to my room. Scoot over, I'm joining you."

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demons2003 · 2 years ago

Text

Trying to Keep Secrets (Steve x Reader)

Description: Secrets are hard to keep. You and Steve have been keeping your relationship a secret from everyone and were starting to find it hard to keep. You also have another one, building up slowly, which is reviled by your Older Sister, Nancy, while the party was having a movie night at your's and Steve's place.

It was a typical Friday night for us all. The kids had finished school and all the older kids got the night off from work, as well as the next morning so we could all stay up for as long as we wanted. All of us crammed in Steve’s and my house for our weekly movie night. Something we have been doing for about a year. Right after we defeated Vecna. The day before movie night, Robin and Steve had grabbed a bunch of movies from work and bought them for the kids to pick from. The older kids would watch the more adult films after all the kids had fallen asleep. But as much as it was a normal Friday night, there was still a massive secret hanging in the air. One that will explode sometime during the night.

“Have you told him yet?” Eddie asks me, hugging me from behind. He places his head on my shoulder and watches me put snacks into all the different bowels I had grabbed for the evening. I look around the kitchen to make sure no one could hear me before shaking my head. “We haven’t really been alone that much this week. Can’t really say it in front of the kids or anyone else. I want it to just be us. Plus, what if he doesn’t want any kids anymore?” I ramble out, trying to focus on the snacks I was setting up. Eddie just laughs at me and shakes his head. “Are you serious? Do you remember when we were fighting Vecna? He wants like 7 of them,” Eddie laughs at me. I laugh with him and turn in his arms. “Yeah but that wasn’t a right this second thing, it was a future, one that involved Nancy, not me.” He nods his head and kisses my forehead. “But I’m sure it’s changed so that it’s now you. He fucking loves you, heart eyes every time he finds you in a room,” He tries to reassure me but it was hard to believe him. "He hasn't said it yet though," I whisper to him. Ed shrugs his shoulders and says, "He definitely does though. I think you should try to talk to him tonight." I nod my head and look out the window, thinking about everything that could go wrong.

Steve and I had been secretly dating for about a year now. It had happened after we fought Vecna. We didn’t mean to get together but when we did, it was heaven. Steve was there for me when I was sitting at Eddie’s bedside while I wasted away, forgetting to look after myself because I was so focused on looking after Eddie. He understood what it would mean for me if Eddie died, he would've had the same feelings if it was Robin laying in the hospital. I started to fall for the caring side that I saw during that time. At first, we just wanted something for ourselves, something only we knew about. And we didn't know if we were just having some fun together or if it truly meant something. But when we realised we cared deeply for each other, we realised that the party may not like us being together. I knew my older sister, Nancy, still had some feelings for Steve and if she found out that I was dating him she would lose her shit. We just didn’t know if it would be a good reaction or bad. Plus Henderson. He loved Steve so much and we couldn’t take Steve from him, not after what he went through with Eddie almost dying. The only people that know about us being together are Robin and Eddie.

I’ve known Eddie since we were little. We did everything together, including repeating our senior years. I can never seem to keep a secret from him. I spill one after being around him for two seconds. Normally he would be able to tell when I was dating someone new, as apparently, I had lots of signs when I was dating someone, but he wasn’t able to figure it out this time cause he spent most of his time recovering, focusing on himself for once. When I did finally tell him he was over the moon for me. We spent the whole night watching movies, drinking beer and eating all the junk food we could handle to celebrate. He didn’t think that I would fall for King Steve, as we bagged him out so much when we were in high school but he could see how I fell for this new and improved one. Eddie even had the father talk with Steve, which was so funny to watch as Eddie just threatened him in the weirdest way possible. But it was definitely in an Eddie fashion. I could see Steve trying to hold back his laughter the whole time, back when Eddie looked him dead in the eyes, he froze and listened until Eddie was completely finished. It made him feel a little better.

Robin figured it out all by herself, the smart cookie she is. Steve was terrible at hiding his emotions when it came to Robin. She could read him like a book, one she's been studying her whole life. After our first real date, Steve had come into Family video with the goofiest smile either of us had ever seen. Robin immediately figured out that he had a date the night before and believed that he finally got laid after so long. Which wasn't true as he got laid way before the date happened. She spent the remainder of our shift bugging him and interrogating him about who this mysterious girl was that slept with Steve Harrington. Steve tried so hard to hide it from her and I just laughed at the two while actually doing the job we were being paid for. What really made her realise that it was me was when a high school friend walked into the store and started to flirt with me. I tried to be nice, not flirting back but according to Robin, Steve was staring daggers at the guy. When the high schooler finally left Robin yelled, “It was Y/n!! No way was it anyone else with you staring that hard at the guy!!” I had laughed at Steve’s stuttering words, trying to deny everything but I walked over and confirmed everything for her. Proud that she had gotten there so quickly.

“Are you guys kissing in there?” We hear Dustin call out from the other room. Eddie and I burst out laughing while Eddie shouts back, “Oh yeah, about to fuck to the kitchen counter as well. You may need to clean up in here Harrington,” Walking off on me and to the other room. “Ew, not in my kitchen guys. I eat food in there,” Steve yells, laughing at us as well. It was refreshing that Steve didn’t try to change Eddie and my relationship. Past boyfriends hated how clingy and touchy Eddie was with me but it was just the way it was. I knew that when Eddie did start dating someone there was a chance that he would stop but it calmed him down when he got to hold me. He needed to give someone his affection and Steve understood that was what Eddie needed. Steve understood that although I was in a relationship with him, Eddie was still my life and would always be an important person in my life. Plus he and Robin were the exact say when they are together. Balances each other out. Made all the kids think we were together though, making it easier for Steve and I to keep our relationship a secret longer. Maybe one day we’ll get to tell everyone.

For added effect, I ruffle up my hair before walking into the living room. The room was almost pitch black, the only source of light from the tv. “Took you long enough. Think Eddie messed with your hair,” Steve smiles at me, causing a few of the boys to make gagging noises. I smile back at him and set the food on the coffee table. I turn to the couch to find no free seat anywhere. “Come sit here sweetheart,” Eddie smiles at me, giving grabby hands in my direction. I laugh at him and sit on his lap, his arms going around my waist and my feet sitting on Steve’s lap. Without a second thought, Steve wraps his hands around my feet, softly massaging them. “What are we watching?” I ask when I finally get comfy. “Back to the future, thought it was time for Steve and Robin to fully watch it, not while on drugs,” Dustin says, lifting the cover and showing me. I nod and we all watch the movie, making comments about it every once in a while, and eating the snacks I’d made.

“Well, that was better than I remember,” Steve laughs out, looking over to Robin as the movie finished. She laughs with him and nods, “Oh yeah and both times Dustin was the one that made us watch it too." We all laugh at her as Dustin sits there grumpy. “I’ll be back, don’t start the next one without me,” Nancy announces as she walks off to the bathroom. The kids quickly start shuffling through all the movies that we could watch, trying to agree on the next movie we are all going to watch. “Come on guys, surely it isn’t that hard to work out what we should watch?” I ask after a while, starting to get a headache from all of their arguing. All at once every single one of them turns to me and talks at once trying to get me to understand why it was so hard to just pick one movie. Blaming each other as their reasoning. I tune them all out and leaned further into Eddie's chest. “You ok?” He whispers into my ear, holding my chin and turning my face to his. To anyone else watching it looked like he was going to kiss me though. “Ewwww, not in front of the kids,” Mike yells out, covering his eyes. Everyone laughs at him and I face him again, “Oh come on Mikey, wouldn't be the…” I try to say but Nancy’s booming voice yells, “Y/N!!” From upstairs. I jump in Eddie’s lap and look at him, whispering, “What did I do this time?” Eddie just laughs at me and shrugs his shoulders.

I get up from his lap, getting ready to walk up to Nancy when she rounds the corner, anger all over her face. “Woah there, what’s going on? What did I do this time?” I ask, confused about what could possibly get Nancy this angry. “What the hell is this?!” Nancy yells at me, waving something in my face. I take a step back from her and try to focus on the thing in her hand, finding out that it was one of the pregnancy tests I had put in my bathroom bin. “What the hell were you doing in my room!” I yell at her, snatching the test from her hands, hoping no one else figured out what it really was. Even if they didn’t work it out, Nancy's next words really helped them. “You’re pregnant? Could you be any more irresponsible? You aren't even a real adult yet!” Everyone gasps at her, looking at me and then at Eddie. Everyone around us was standing there shocked. “Oh, fuck off Nancy,” I yell, taking another step away from her and shoving the test into my pocket. I look over to the couch, trying to look at Steve without anyone noticing. Robin has a hand on Steve’s shoulder, seeming to want to work out if he knew, but Steve was looking at the floor, not a single bit of happiness on his face. Fuck, he isn’t happy about this.

“Who is it?” Nancy yells at me, gaining my attention again. Tears start forming in my eyes as I shake my head at her. “You don’t need to know that. It’s none of your business Nancy,” I snap at her, wanting to disappear from everyone. Eddie stands from his seat and slowly walks over to me. “You are my little sister! Of course, it’s my business! Cause I’m always the one cleaning up your messes!” She yells at me. I roll my eyes and say back, “That was one time! If you want to talk about cleaning messing, how about when you started disappearing during the night? Who was the one that saved your ass, every single time!” Nancy just rolls her eyes at me, obviously forgetting everything that I’ve ever done for her. “Who is the father Y/n? Do you even know or are you that much of a slut!” She yells at me, taking a step closer. “Nancy, can we please go to another room and talk calmly about this?” I ask her, tears slowly falling from my eyes. “No, you made a mistake, why shouldn’t everyone hear about it? Perfect little Y/n isn’t so perfect anymore.” She whispers, getting louder as she talks. I take another step back, falling more into Eddie, tears rapidly falling from my eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s ok. Calm down sweetheart,” Eddie whispers in my ear, rubbing my shoulders and back to try and get me to calm down. “Is it Eddie? Did this low-life drug dealer get you pregnant? Cause that would be a new low for you,” Nancy spits out. I completely stop breathing and stare up at Nancy, seeing only red. “Don’t you fucking dare say that about Eddie,” I snap, moving towards her. Eddie moves his arms around my waist and pulls me against him, trying to keep me from attacking her. In a fit of rage, Nancy walks over to me and slaps me across the face, the noise echoing through the room. Before anyone could react, Steve is out of his chair and roughly pushing Nancy away from me. “Get the fuck away from her!” Steve yells as he turns back to me, softness taking over his features. He places his hand on the cheek Nancy just hit and looks deep into my eyes. “You ok baby?” He whispers to me, not caring about everyone that was staring at us. I smile at him and nod, Eddie slowly letting me go so I can slip into Steve’s arms. Eddie sits down on the couch and Steve moves me over to him. “Hold her for me?” Steve whispers, pleading with Eddie to help him. Eddie nods his head, instantly wrapping his arms around me again, holding me tightly against him and kissing my forehead.

“What the hell Steve? Why are you sticking up for her now? She’s just a…” Nancy tries to insult me again but Steve doesn’t have the patience. “Say one more bad thing about her and I’m kicking you out of my house! For good!" Steve snaps at her, his face getting slightly red. Surprise draws on Nancy’s face as she steps back, looking at everyone as if she was the one being attacked right now. “I have an announcement to make,” Steve addresses everyone, turning to the kids and other adults. Everyone is silent, no one even moving, scared Steve will snap at them as well. Steve notices that everyone is scared of him and tries to calm himself down, hating when people are scared of him. “Y/n and I are dating. We have been for about a year now,” Steve says, a smile breaking out on his face. Everyone is speechless from his confession, except for Robin and Eddie who laugh and high-five each other. I turn to them both and laugh, punching them both in the shoulder. “Idiots,” I whisper to them, both of them sticking their tongues out at me.

All at once, everyone cheers, and the kids all jump up and hug Steve. I laugh at them all, causing them to look at me with massive grins. “Oh, don’t think we forgot about you,” Dustin says, running over to me and giving me his signature crushing hug. It was the best thing that I’ve gotten in so long. “What the hell!?” Nancy snaps, breaking us all from our happy spell. We all look over at her confused. What is it now? “What Nancy?” Steve angrily asks her. Nancy stands there, shaking her head at us all. “You’re happy for them? They kept it a secret from us all! For a year!” Nancy tries to anger everyone, not understanding what was going on and how they could be happy for us. If they were mad she could get Steve back. But they weren't. “Oh come on Nancy. You were the main reason we didn’t say anything. I’ve seen how you look at Steve when you think no one is looking, you’re still in love with him but he finally moved on,” I tell her, wanting her to leave so I can be happy with everyone else. Nancy glares at me but instead of saying anything else she turns on her heel and walks off. I realise a breath I didn’t know I was holding and look back and everyone. With Nancy gone we were all happy again. “I knew you both would get together. It was so obvious.” Dustin tells me, smiling over at Steve. “You had no clue Dustin. All of you thought I was with Eddie,” I whisper to him, smiling at Steve as well. He was so happy, laughing with everyone and joking about it. He needed this. “Please don’t hurt him. He's already gone through so much with your sister,” Dustin whispers to me, looking sadly into my eyes. I smile and nod at him. “I wouldn’t think of it.”

“Hey, sweetheart. I think now would be a good time to talk to Stevie about the whole baby thing,” Eddie whispers to me, pointing over to Steve. I nod to him and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you so much Eddie. You're my best friend and I love you so much,” I smile at him and walk over to Steve, pulling on his arm to get his attention. “Hey, Stevie?” I whisper to get his attention. Steve turns to me and smiles, wrapping his arms around me. “Hey Beautiful,” he whispers to me, nudging his head in between my head and shoulder. “Could we please go to bed?” I ask him, the need to talk with him making me feel uneasy. He nods his head and lifts it to tell the others. “We are gonna go to sleep early. Feel free to keep the movies going but not too loud.” “Yes Dad,” everyone says at the same time. I laugh at them all and Steve shakes his head, putting his hand on my lower back and guiding me to our bedroom.

With me living here it felt better to stay in the same room. We kept my room decorated and with my stuff so that no one would question us, but I guess that wasn’t a problem anymore. The journey there was quiet and put me on edge. I hated silence and this was one of the biggest Steve and I have ever had. I can’t stop thinking about Steve’s face when he found out I was pregnant. He didn’t seem happy at all. He almost seemed disappointed. When we finally get to our room I throw the test in the bin and sit on our bed while Steve closes the door behind me. We stay there silently, both thinking about something in our heads. “I’m so sorry Steve.” “Is it true?” Steve and I say at the same time. I look shocked at him. “What?” I whisper out to him. Steve moves from the door and kneels on the floor between my legs. He grabs both my hands and looks into my eyes, trying to find something in them. “Are you really pregnant?” Steve asks me, hope shining through his eyes. I smile down at him and brush my hand against his cheek. “Yeah Stevie, we’re having a baby,” I say to him, happy that Steve seems to love the idea. A surprised laugh leaves his mouth as he buries his face in my stomach. I hold his head there, not wanting to ever let him go.

“I’m gonna be a father,” Steve whispers to himself. I laugh down at him and run my hands through his hair. “Yeah love, we’re gonna have a little Harrington running around here in about 9 months,” I whisper down at him. Steve just laughs to him and lifts his head from my stomach. “You know, I don’t believe I’ve told you I love you yet,” he smiles up at me. I let out a big laugh and lay back in our bed, waving him over. He smiles at me and crawls over my body so he's level with my face again. “No you haven’t mister. And we’re having a baby together,” I sarcastically say to him. Steve nudges his way between my neck and shoulder again, leaning his whole weight on me. “I love you so much Y/n. More than anything. I can’t wait to have this baby with you,” Steve whispers into my neck, smiling as the words fall out of his mouth. “I love you too Steve. Forever,” I whisper to him, closing my eyes to fall asleep, comfy with the weight on top of me. This is where I needed to be. This is the person I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. And the baby in my stomach was proof that our love was ever-lasting.

#steve x reader #steve harrington #love #reader #stranger things #pregnancy #called out #secret

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en-hale-archives · 3 years ago

Text

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————��————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

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scarlvtbitch · 4 years ago

Text

Rusty

bucky barnes x female reader

summary: it’s bucky and reader’s first time but its also buckys first time in 90 years, he feels a little bit insecure about it

warning: smut (unprotected sex, metal arm kink kinda)

Y/N and Bucky were dating for a month now. After years of miscommunication and pining after one another, they were finally together. The team was really relieved because they didn’t have to suffer through their doey eyes and sexual tension. But there was sexual tension, alright.

After a month of dating they haven’t been intimate that way. They’ve kissed and cuddled but nothing more than that. Y/N wanted nothing more than to be taken by Bucky. She wanted her body to be only his. He never tried though. That was the frustrating part for her. Whenever they would be making out he was always the first one to pull away. Something would always come up before they could go any further.

This just made Y/N insecure. The first reason that popped in her brain was that he didn’t like her enough to sleep with her. One day, she was with Wanda on the couch. It had been a long time since she’d seen her and she really needed her best friend in moments like this. She couldn’t keep it in her chest any longer.

“Bucky doesn’t want to sleep with me.” She blurted out, making Wanda almost choke on her drink.

“Did he tell you that?”

“No.” She groaned and hid her face in her palms. “Every time things get...heated, he always pulls away. Am I that ugly?”

“Y/N, don’t talk like that. You’re beautiful and you know it. I’m sure Bucky knows it too. That can’t be the reason, you just need to talk to him.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” If only her anxiety didn’t eat her alive whenever she thought a million different ways the conversation could go. But an idea came to her head. Bucky was going to drop by later, just like he always did and it was the perfect opportunity to talk to him. However, she decided to add a little bit of spice of her own.

It took the whole afternoon for Y/N to get ready. She showered, shaved, did her hair and makeup. Then she put on the sexiest set of lingerie she owned, which consisted of black lace. She put nothing over it.

A knock on the door startled her, she took one last glance at herself in the mirror before she opened it.

Bucky’s mouth dropped at the sight before him. Y/N’s figure was hugged by black lace, her breasts on full display for him. He gulped as he could feel his mouth start to dry. He accepted her invitation to come inside. He could feel his erection begin to spring to life. His heart was wildly beating inside his chest and he could feel his palm start to sweat under his glove. Y/N waved her hand towards her couch, silently telling him that it was okay to take a seat.

He sat down and she was straddling his lap in an instant. Her core hovering over his bulge. He growled as he pushed her head towards his lips, Y/N moaned at his roughness. He suddenly pulled away.

“Buck, do-do you not want this? Do you not want me?”

“God, no, doll. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone. You’re so goddamn beautiful, I don’t know how I’ve held myself back so many times. The truth is...” He rested his hands on her hips as he took a moment, scared of saying the words out loud. “I haven’t done this in ninety years. I don’t want to mess it up.” Y/N quickly raised her hands and cupped Bucky’s face. Caressing her thumb over his cheek bones.

“Baby, you won’t mess anything up. We’ll go slow, if you want. I don’t want to pressure you, I’ll wait for you no matter what.”

“I appreciate that, doll.” He grabbed one of her hands that was resting on his cheek and brought it over to his lips. “But you’re way too irresistible for me to wait any longer.” She squealed when he picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He gently set her down and his lips started making their way down her body. He pulled down the cups of her bra and freed her breasts. He wasted no time in latching his mouth to one of them while his flesh hand played with the other.

Y/N squirmed underneath him. The river between her legs making it hard to focus on anything else. He spent too much time between her breasts, and while he had a really talented mouth for someone who was scared of being bad because he hadn’t done this for over 80 years, she needed it somewhere else.

She dug her nails deep in his fabric covered biceps and whined out his name.

“What’s the matter, doll? What do you need?”

“You. Just you.” She managed to say. Bucky smirked against her and pulled away to take off his shirt. Y/N had seen Bucky shirtless while training but that didn’t stop her from being mesmerized by him. She was pretty sure he was sculpted by the gods themselves. Bucky laughed and her heart skipped a beat when she realized she actually said that aloud.

“Thanks, doll. You’re pretty beautiful yourself.” He winked at her and she went to hide her face in her hands but he grabbed her wrists and leaned forward. Placing gentle loving kisses on her cheeks, nose, and forehead. Her heart melted at his actions.

Y/N decided enough was enough and went to pull his pants down, along with his underwear. His fully hard member bobbed against his stomach and she felt a rush of wetness emerge from her heat. Her eyes widened when she saw him. He was thick and long, she already thought he was perfect but this was the cherry on top. She gave him a few strokes, wanting to see what he felt like in her hand. Solid but soft and warm. He closed his eyes and grunted above her, his hand suddenly on her wrist as he put a stop to her motions.

“I need to be inside you.” Y/N nodded furiously against him before he lined himself up against her center and wasted no time in thrusting forward, all the way to the hilt.

Y/N cried out at the feeling. She felt so deliciously full and sex has never felt so right. She’s had sex before of course, but never with someone who she had strong feelings for like the man who was currently inside her. Wanda had once told her that casual sex was nothing compared to sex between two people who adored each other. Boy, was she right.

Bucky groaned and stilled above her. Wanting to savor how it felt to be gripped by her walls, and also wanting to give her time to adjust to him. She gave him the green light a few seconds later.

“Move, Buck, please.”

“As you wish.” He then thrusted in and out of her at a steady pace. Y/N moaned at how good he felt, her exes could barely bring her to an orgasm but with Bucky, she knew she wasn’t going to last long.

“Harder.” She breathed out.

“What was that?” He paused his motions.

“You’re such an ass.”

“Beg for it.”

“Fuck me harder, please.” He didn’t need to be told twice. His hips pounded into her harder and faster. The only sounds in the room were skin slapping against skin, the headboard rattling against the wall and their moans and grunts filling the air. Y/N suddenly got an idea. She brought her hand to his metal arm and gestured towards it.

“Touch me with it, please.�� Bucky’s eyes widened because in all truth he didn’t want to use that arm during these activities. He was too ashamed of it.

“Y/N-”

“I love you, Bucky. Every part of you. So I’m asking you touch me with it.” She repeated.

Bucky’s metal arm snaked its way in between them and started rubbing tight circles against her clit.

She hissed and cried out when the cold met her warmth, getting her closer and closer...

Bucky could start feeling her core flutter against him, signaling that she was almost there.

“Come for me, doll.” He rubbed faster against her, giving her one last deep stroke until she exploded underneath him. Her orgasm triggered his and he buried his face in her neck, giving her a small bite as he spilled himself into her.

Y/N moaned at the feeling of his cum deep in her belly.

They panted against each other until they were able to catch their breath and get their heart rates back to normal. He pulled his now soft member out of her and Y/N frowned at the loss. He tugged at the sheets on her bed and went to cover both of them up. Y/N nestled against his side, resting her hand on his sweaty chest.

She leaned forward and kissed his shoulder, keeping her face buried in the crook of his neck. His flesh arm trailed up and down her back, drawing lines with his fingers.

He placed a kiss against her hair and then whispered an I love you before sleep finally swept over both of them.

#bucky barnes #tfatws #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x oc #marvel #marvel imagines

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breadqueen95 · 4 years ago

Text

Dress - Bucky Barnes

bucky barnes x fem!reader

wc: 5k

plot: bucky and y/n’s relationship is new, and they don’t want to share with their friends just yet. but something as simple as a dress can change anyone’s mind, even the winter soldier.

content warnings: kissing. physical affection. flirting. allusions to sex. drinking. being drunk. language. bucky being a flirt.

a/n: this is for @natasha-romancff and her taylor swift writing challenge! it took me awhile, but i’ve had a ton of fun writing this. so many bucky fics are angsty, and rightly so the man has some TRAUMA. but for my first bucky fic, based on dress by taylor swift, i wanted something happier for him

***

Damn. That was a lot of leg.

“I don’t know,” you muttered as you stared into the mirror, “aren’t these things…a little classier than this?”

“Uh…have you met Tony Stark?” Natasha grumbled as she continued to scroll through her phone. “The man has never been classy a day in his life.”

“Well I know he isn’t, but fancy people show up to these things. I just don’t want to embarrass myself.” You were currently standing in front of the full-length mirror in Wanda’s room, staring at the reflection of a woman who didn’t quite look like you.

But it was you, wasn’t it? It was just…that you was wearing a very short, very sexy red cocktail dress. The sweetheart neckline was a nice touch, but the back was completely open. And that hemline? Definitely hiked way up past your knees.

“Y/n, relax,” Wanda reassured in her lilting accent, “sure, the dress is a little…spicier…than you’re used to, but it’s in a good way.”

“I’m pretty sure every single person would be able to tell I spend my days in tactical gear. God, I’m not sure I even know how to walk in heels this high!”

Heaving a dramatic sigh, Natasha threw her phone down and looked at you in the mirror. Her eyebrows were raised, and she was giving you her usual ‘don’t give me that shit’ look. It nearly had you shaking in your very strappy black heels.

“Are you kidding me, y/n? I’ve seen you strut in enough fancy parties during undercover missions to know that you’ve got this.”

“Yeah,” Wanda scoffed as she took a sip of red wine from her glass, “all she’s nervous about is what Bucky will think.”

Rolling your eyes, you tried to hide how much that sentence affected you.

“C’mon, Wanda. You know Bucky and I are just friends.”

“Do friends undress each other with their eyes whenever they’re in the same room?”

Damn it. Damn Wanda and her stupid perceptiveness.

“You’re reading too much into it, Wanda.” She just laughed at you, acting like she knew so much better.

What you knew and wasn’t ready to admit to your two best friends, was that she was right on the money.

Bucky Barnes, the infamous Winter Soldier, your favorite person in the entire world, was now your boyfriend. He had been for a few weeks now. The two of you were insanely private people. Hell, it had been years before the two of you had finally learned everything about each other. Once you had gotten past the walls the other had so carefully crafted, well…

At that point you were in love.

But the others didn’t need to know that, not yet at least. The Avengers were a family, your family. They were really the only true family you’d ever had. But Bucky…Bucky was finally yours. And you were his. You didn’t think it was crazy to just want to enjoy that, just the two of you, without everyone else sharing their jokes and opinions just yet. They did it out of love, you both knew that, but you just wanted him all to yourself.

As you looked back at your reflection in the mirror, you took a minute to really consider what Bucky’s reaction might be. He had the best poker face in the room no matter who he was with, but you knew him well enough to know how he was feeling just based on his eyes. He’d always said how much he loved red on you, and he adored every and any excuse to touch your skin. Those steel blue eyes of his would absolutely burn once he saw you in this dress.

And fuck, that was something you really wanted to see.

“Well, if you aren’t going to wear that dress, you better pick something else,” Nat said, jerking you from your fantasies, “we need to be there in twenty minutes, and we all need to touch up our makeup.”

“Actually…I think I’ll wear it,” you said confidently, trying to hide your grin as you ran your hands down the silky fabric.

What you didn’t see was Natasha and Wanda sharing a secret smirk behind you, like they’d known what you’d do the whole time.

***

Six weeks ago, everything had changed for you and Bucky.

You’d known how you felt for a long time. Bucky Barnes, despite his past, was the kind of man anyone could fall in love with. He was sincere, kind, generous, witty…everything you’d ever wanted in a partner. He had been your best friend for even longer.

It had been a long time before you could even admit your feelings to yourself, let alone to him. After everything the two of you had been through, who had the time and mental capacity for romance? It just didn’t seem important. You just chalked up your feelings to being such close friends. All you wanted was to be near him, even if you just sat in silence doing different things. Just being in the same room as Bucky brought you a sort of peace you’d never had before. Whenever he touched you, even if it was just a brief hug or brushing your back to get past you, your skin erupted into goosebumps. But that was just because physical touch was still foreign to you, right?

And his smile. God, his wonderful smile…

Bucky didn’t smile much. He hid behind a mask of stoicism, a remnant from the trauma of his horrible history as the Winter Soldier. Showing any sort of emotion, especially happiness, was hard for him. But when he finally let himself smile? It was the most beautiful thing you’d ever see.

It took several sleepless nights wrestling with those confusing feelings to figure it out. You didn’t just see Bucky as your best friend. You had it bad. Not just “oh my god he’s so handsome” bad, like the “I would take a bullet for you I’m so in love” bad. That revelation? It left you euphoric. It also left you scared.

Because you were so sure Bucky didn’t feel the same. And that thought was like a knife to the heart every time it flashed through your mind.

So you kept it to yourself. You tried to keep things as normal as possible, but your heart kept fluttering whenever he walked into a room. Being so close to Bucky meant you confided in each other about pretty much everything, and he knew you well enough to know you were hiding something.

It all exploded on a Tuesday night in the compound.

Tuesdays were your movie nights. Bucky had a lot of pop culture to catch up on, so on this night every week he would come by your room to watch a movie. It was a weekly tradition that kind of started by accident. You were shocked he still hadn’t made time to watch Lord of the Rings, so you forced him onto your couch with popcorn and The Fellowship of the Ring. He loved it so much, and immediately asked if you guys could watch The Two Towers the next week. How could you say no to him?

Tonight, you were watching 13 Going on 30. It was your all-time favorite romcom, and you figured you could both use a break from all the action and fantasy movies you’d been cycling through. Something with a happy ending was worth indulging in.

“Does that Matt guy look like Banner to you? Or is it just me?” Bucky asked through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Heh, maybe a little,” you said, “Give or take a few years.” He laughed at that, and you forced yourself to laugh quietly. You wanted to blurt out your feelings every time you looked at Bucky, so you’d gotten quieter and quieter every time you spent time with him. It was an awful reaction, and you knew he noticed. But it was better than losing his friendship, right?

After that awful and painfully obvious forced laugh, Bucky let out a huge sigh and paused the movie. He set the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table in front of the couch, then turned to face you. Exasperation and hurt glimmered in his eyes.

“Y/n, what the fuck is going on with you?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Oh come on, don’t give me that,” he said sharply, “I know you better than anyone, and I know for a fact there’s something you’re not telling me. Is it me? Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No, god no!” You exclaimed.

“Well it must be something I did, because you’ve never been this quiet around me and it keeps getting worse. I hate it, and I want to know what I did so I can fix it.”

“Bucky, I’m serious, it’s nothing you did—”

“Then why? Why are you shutting me out?” He cut you off angrily, arms thrown wide. “You’re my best friend, I just don’t get why—”

“I don’t want you like a best friend, Bucky!” Your eyes went wide as the words flew from your lips. In the most comical way, you clapped your hand over your mouth as if you could stop the words that had already been said. Bucky’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

Oh fuck. He didn’t get it. Curse him and his old man ways.

“What does that even mean, Y/n? Are you saying you don’t want me around anymore?”

“Bucky, of course not. God, I would never want that. Never in a million years.”

“Then you better explain, because if you haven’t noticed, I’m over 100 years old. I need a little help here.”

“It means, uh…um,” you stuttered, wringing your hands together. “Is there any chance we can just forget I said that?”

“Nope, not a chance.”

“It means…it means that I care about you. As more than a friend.”

His entire face seemed to crinkle as he processed that. If you weren’t freaking out, you’d be obsessing over how damn cute it made him look. Then his eyes got wide as he began to make the connection. Your stomach nearly fell out of your ass as his eyes lifted again to meet yours.

“I…I think I know what you’re saying,” he nearly whispered, “I just need you to get real specific real fast, because I’m not about to say anything until I know exactly what you mean.”

“It means I’m in love with you, okay?” You burst out. Even through your mortification, there was a sudden sense of relief. A secret as big as that had definitely been weighing you down. Now that it was out there, that was one less thing you had to worry about.

His eyes grew even wider. How that was possible, you didn’t even know. That beautiful mouth of his began to turn up into a small smile as he gazed softly at you.

“You’re in love with me?” He asked, his smile getting wider with each passing second.

“What, you need it carved into stone or something?” You couldn’t help but sass him. Did you fucking stutter?

“No, it’s just…I never thought you’d feel that way about me.”

“Well, clearly I do. So you – wait, you mean you’ve thought about this before?”

“Of course I have,” he said as he shrugged, “I’ve been in love with you for two years now, how could I not think about it?”

You were instantly filled with warmth and pure bliss. In all your obsessing over your own feelings, you’d never allowed yourself to consider that he might feel the same about you. It just didn’t seem possible.

“I’m sorry,” you burst out, holding a hand up, “you’re telling me you’ve been into me for two years and didn’t say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” He shot back, inching closer to you.

“Because you’re my best friend. I didn’t want to lose you because of stupid feelings I have.”

“But…I have those same ‘stupid feelings’ for you. So can we just cut the whole act and get on with it?” Bucky brought a hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing along your skin so gently.

“Uh…um…get on with what?”

“Well I’d kinda like to kiss you, if you’re cool with it.”

“Bucky Barnes did you just use current slang to ask if you could kiss me?” You didn’t move an inch as his face moved right in front of yours, breath intermingling as you gazed into each other’s eyes. God, was this really happening?

“Yeah, guess your lessons worked,” he murmured.

“Well you better kiss me, then.”

As soon as your lips met, it was like coming home.

***

That memory, your favorite memory, replayed in your head as the three of you stepped into the elevator. Nat and Wanda were happily chatting about who would be there, what kind of antics Tony would cook up tonight, if there would be music we could actually dance to. You know, normal party things.

All you could think about was how long you had to stay until you could sneak off with your boyfriend.

You were so happy Wanda and Natasha had convinced you to wear this dress. When you’d first put it on, the difference from your normal look was so jarring that it took you a few minutes to get used to it. But now that you had, now that you felt the silky fabric shifting against your skin as you moved, now that you saw how dangerously long your legs looked in these heels…

Damn, you felt sexy.

And that sexy feeling? It made you want Bucky’s hands all over you.

But this was a party. A party thrown by Tony Stark, one of the most perceptive and observant people you’d ever met. If you left too soon, if he thought you weren’t “having enough fun”, he’d be more than a little upset. So you had to stay, drink, mingle, maybe dance a little…and then, maybe later, you could go do what you actually wanted.

The elevator pinged, indicating you had reached the topmost floor of the compound. This floor was home to a huge communal space, often used for just hanging out with the team. But on nights like tonight, Tony went all out and turned the space into something that resembled…a club?

The three of you stepped out into the massive room, upbeat music already blasting from the speakers. Typical Tony – he never really outgrew his love for dancing and parties. The bass thrummed through your body, making you want to move to the music. The lights were dim, but you could still tell who was around. It looked like you were some of the last members of the team to arrive. There was a huge bar off to the side, and Natasha headed that way right away. You turned to ask Wanda if she wanted to follow Nat, but she was already making a beeline for Vision. Smiling, you just turned right back around to follow Natasha. A drink sounded pretty good right now.

As you made your way to the bar, you felt more than a few pairs of eyes on you as you walked. You sneakily looked around as you went, noticing men and women watching you with admiration, and dare you say it, longing. As someone whose job was to blend in with the background all the time, this was a different and slightly addictive feeling. You leaned on the bar next to Nat right as the bartender slid her drink over to her.

“Straight whiskey tonight? Damn, going hard.” You quipped.

“Hey now, you know I can handle my liquor. It’s you we need to watch out for, you lightweight.”

Laughing, you scanned the party guests, looking for the one person you wanted to see. Tony had had arm around Pepper’s waist, both laughing at something Rhodey had said. Bruce lingered around them, drink in hand and looking a little nervous, but still happy to be included. Wanda and Vision were sitting quietly on one of the couches, both looking absolutely smitten with each other. Scott Lang, one of the newest additions, was busting some moves, while Peter Parker laughed as he watched. Thor, who was visiting from Asgard, laughed boisterously as he watched various guests try to lift his hammer. You couldn’t help the smile growing on your face. You loved these people so much.

Then, you saw him.

Bucky was with Sam and Steve, as usual. But even as Sam and Steve were talking animatedly next to him, those gorgeous blue eyes of his were glued to you. There was a kind of intensity in them you hadn’t seen before. Your breath whooshed from you body as he grinned at you. Trying to maintain the suggestive image your dress gave you, you managed to send a flirtatious smile his way, then turned back around to face the bar. Leaning against the counter, you knew he’d get an eyeful of your bare back. God, this was fun.

The bartender finally made his way over to you, and you ordered two tequila shots.

Nat turned to you, one eyebrow arched in surprise as she asked, “And you say I’m going hard? You can’t just down two shots right away, babe.”

“I’m not doing two shots; you think I’m stupid?” The bartender slid the shots over to you along with two lime wedges. “One is clearly for you.”

Unable to hold back a laugh, Natasha put her arm around your shoulders and pulled you into her side as she said, “Why the fuck not, let’s do it.” The two of you went through the process: salt, shot, lime. You couldn’t help but wince as you downed the harsh liquor. Of all the shots in the world, tequila probably tasted the worst. The only reason you kept going for it was the warmth it traced down your body, and you felt your muscles begin to loosen up.

“Two more,” you called over to the bartender.

“Uh, no,” Natasha shot at you, grabbing her whiskey, and pushing off the bar, “I’m good with my top shelf shit, you keep going after that gasoline if you want but I’m out.”

“C’mon, Nat,” you called out, “what am I gonna do with two shots?”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone else, babe.” She said with a wave over her shoulder.

Sighing, you turned back to the ridiculously pretty bar (seriously, how much had Tony paid for this thing?). Who else would help you look cool and sexy at a bar for your secret boyfriend?

Okay, that was the cringiest thought you’d ever had. Gross.

As the bartender slid the tequila in front of you, you steeled yourself for the nastiness that was about to happen.

“Fuck, I didn’t think this through,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, you tend to do that,” a deep voice answered on your right. Instead of being the slightest bit surprised, you couldn’t help but smile. You’d know that voice anywhere.

“Something I can do for you, Barnes?” You looked up at him from under your lashes.

“Well, it looks like you’ve got an extra shot there. Thought I could bail you out.”

“Is that all?”

Bucky shifted so that your arms were just barely touching. His hand was right next to yours, and you reached out with your pinky to lightly brush his.

“Doll, you have the gall to show up in that dress and ask what I want as if you don’t already know?”

“Sorry Buck, I’m a little slow, must be the tequila. You should probably be a little clearer.”

Putting on quite the show of reaching for one of the shots, his mouth somehow ended up right next to your ear.

“I want you.”

It was lucky everyone was so distracted and couldn’t see how you shuddered at his words. Trying to maintain brain function, you managed to take the shot with him. You were now fully facing each other. He was wearing the cockiest smirk you’d ever seen, one that would put Tony Stark to shame. You couldn’t help but respond with that same energy despite the jitteriness his three little words had reduced you to.

“Well why don’t you—”

“Hello, my friends!” A booming voice sounded between you as Thor threw a huge arm over each of you. Bucky, with his stupid super soldier strength, didn’t really have a reaction to it. You, on the other hand, stumbled a little under the weight and force of it. “It’s so good to be back with you tiny humans.”

Was…was he slurring his words?

“Thor…are you drunk right now?”

He simply laughed in response. Well, that answered that.

“Of course I am, tiny person! It can’t be a party without good Asgardian wine.”

“Wait…you have literal god wine?” Bucky, who had a look of vague irritation on his face up to this point, now looked interested. Maybe even a little excited?

“Of course, metal appendage.”

“Dude, you can’t just call Bucky ‘metal appendage’—”

“He can if he lets me have some,” Bucky interrupted.

“We have a bargain!” Thor slapped Bucky on the back before scurrying back over to where he had come from, probably to get the wine he had promised.

“Bucky, you can’t even get drunk,” you hissed, “what exactly is the point of this?”

“Since everything happened, I haven’t found any alcohol strong enough to get me drunk. I figure god wine is worth a shot.”

“Bucky—”

“When I kiss you against a wall later, I wanna be a little tipsy,” he whispered in your ear, “that cool with you?”

Unable to keep yourself from smiling again, you nodded as Thor sauntered back over. Ever since that moment a few weeks ago, right before he kissed you for the first time, asking “is that cool with you?” had become your thing.

And the idea of Bucky kissing you against a wall? Yeah, that sounded pretty good.

***

As it turns out, Asgardian wine is just as potent as Thor had promised.

For the first time in over seventy years, Bucky Barnes was certifiably drunk. It made him feel like the Bucky from all those years ago, and it was the most incredible thing. Here he was, over 100 years old, partying, and all his favorite people were here.

Including his ridiculously hot girlfriend.

Even as they both flitted around the party, Bucky and y/n still found each other’s eyes, even from across the room. They would send winks, smiles, even funny faces. All he wanted to do was be right next to her, talk and dance with her all night…

But they had agreed. They wanted to keep their relationship a secret for now, keep the attention off of them for a bit while they got to know each other in this new way.

But god damn, that dress.

Y/n in red was…indescribable. It didn’t matter what she wore, she was always the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. But in red? In this dress?

She was breathtaking.

“Buck, you breathing?”

A hand waved in front of his face, snapping Bucky’s attention back to the people around him from Y/n’s back. He had been imagining putting his hands all over that back later and had gotten more than a little mesmerized. He managed to get his eyes to refocus, finding a drunk Sam smirking right next to him and an even drunker Steve dancing next to him. But what Steve was doing couldn’t really be called ‘dancing’ per say…more like an aggressive wiggle.

“Why wouldn’t I be breathing?” Of all the things he could’ve said to get Sam’s attention off of him, that wasn’t it.

“Uh, probably because the girl you’re in love with decided to show up and show off tonight? Pretty sure you’re drooling, man.”

Despite himself, Bucky slapped a hand across his mouth, only reducing Sam to wheezing laughter. Knowing he had been caught, he rolled his eyes and grimaced a little. Of all the people to catch him, he wished it hadn’t been Sam.

“I wasn’t…staring… at y/n, I just never see her dressed up is all.”

“I never said anything about the girl being y/n.”

“…fuck.”

“LANGUAGE,” Steve yelled out, pointing a finger at his two friends before returning to his shimmying.

Turning back to him, Sam added, “Just go be with her, Buck. You’re not fooling anyone, and neither is she.”

“We’re that obvious?”

“A few weeks ago you’d at least try to hide it. Now I’m surprised you’re not jumping each other’s bones right here right now.”

“Point taken,” Bucky said, lightly slapping Sam’s shoulder before power walking over to his girl.

***

“Nat, if you don’t stop asking about Bucky and I’s relationship, I’m going to kick you,” you called over the music before taking another swig from your glass. It was no Asgardian wine, but the human stuff wasn’t half bad in your opinion. It wasn’t like you could drink the god shit, anyway. If you had even one sip, you’d be swinging from the ceiling like Miley fucking Cyrus. You were pretty drunk as it was.

“Okay, fine,” she said with a shrug as she took a sip of her whiskey, still as calm and collected as ever. “You’re almost as drunk as he is, you’ll be talking soon enough.”

“Oh? Is that your spy master plan?”

Natasha was still looking as unbothered as ever, but as she looked across the room over your shoulder, her face split into a savage grin.

“It was, but it looks like I might not need it.”

“What do you me—”

Your words were cut off as a large, warm hand enclosed around yours. Whirling around, you were suddenly face to face with the man himself. Bucky was clearly having a good time. His mouth was relaxed into the cutest smile you’d ever seen him wear, and he moved without his normal stiffness and intensity. He threaded your fingers together, smiling down at you with so much love it was a wonder Nat hadn’t said anything yet.

Looking back in front of you, ready to explain yourself, you only found empty air. Guess she’d seen all she needed to, but honestly, you really didn’t care. All you’d wanted the whole night was to be exactly where you were right now; hand in hand with the man you loved.

“We’re just kidding ourselves, doll,” Bucky called next to your ear, “Sam said we’ve been pretty obvious.”

“Nat said the same,” you answered with a sheepish smile, “kind of hard to keep my face under control when you’ve got that leather jacket on.”

“You’re blaming me?” He asked with mock indignation. “You’re the one who looks,” he gestured wildly to your whole body, “like that!”

Trying ignore the heat spreading over your cheeks, you shot back, “Like what?”

“Like the most…” he screwed his face up in the most adorable way as he searched for words, “like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” As the last few words tumbled out of his mouth, he gazed at you with such a softness you almost melted right into the floor.

“Wanna get out of here?” You asked, finally giving up the game. It was pointless, really. Now, all you wanted to do was for your boyfriend to keep his promise and kiss you against a wall.

Wrapping an arm around your waist, he answered, “Absolutely.” Without looking at a single soul, the two of you began walking as quickly as you could for the exit. You and Bucky were both leaning on each other a bit, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Stepping out into the light of the hallway, you blinked as your eyes adjusted after the dark room you’d spent the last few hours in. Bucky led you until you were right in front of the elevator, and he lazily pressed the button to go up. There was tension in the air between you, like a thread that was being pulled. Biting your lip, you stared at the doors in front of you. You knew if you so much as looked at the man next to you, you’d jump him right then and there.

The shining doors slid open, and the pair of you walked in, his strong arm still around your waist. His grip wasn’t loose in any sense of the word. Bucky kept you right next to him, even as your legs wanted to drift all over the place. You pressed the button for the residential floor.

As soon as those doors slid shut, that thread of tension snapped.

Bucky whirled you to face him, then walked you backward until you were pressed against the wall of the elevator.

“I promised I’d kiss you against the wall, didn’t I?”

He didn’t even wait for a response. His mouth was on yours in an instant, lips moving together like a dance. The kiss was slow and unhurried. You tried to bring him closer, linking your hands behind his neck and pressing yourself to him. Instead of responding in kind, he unwound your arms from around him and pinned them above your head.

Oh damn.

Okay.

No complaints here.

“You’ve been teasin’ me all night just by wearing that dress, sweetheart,” he murmured in between the kisses he trailed down your jaw, “I think it’s my turn.”

“Would it change your mind knowing I only wore this dress so you could take it off?”

The heat that bloomed in those blue eyes of his was unmistakable. As the doors opened on your floor, he swept you up into his arms and began to walk purposefully to his apartment. All the while, he kept that signature cocky smirk of his you’d come to adore.

“Bucky?” You asked once he’d walked into his unit.

“That sentence was the single most attractive thing you’ve ever said,” he murmured as he set you down. Even still, he kept you pressed against him. “But nah, I’m a patient guy. I think I’ll take my time.” He followed this by resuming his slow and sensual kisses, and you couldn’t help but melt into them.

“I love you,” you whispered against his lips.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that, doll. I love you too.”

***

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x you #dress #jenna writes #i love lanie #laniestaylorswiftwc

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years ago

Text

“Are you here all night?” Jason asked, “or are you planning to, you know, be a human? I think those go home sometimes.”

High above Jason’s head, a swarm of bats entered the cave, winding among the stalactites and screeching a kind of garbled response.

Dick, however, said nothing. He remained bent over one of the long tables on the cavern floor, examining a map Jason could barely see from his own seat a short distance behind, ignoring Jason and his sarcasm both.

Jason didn’t enjoy being ignored.

Fine.

“I have some tasks you could take over,” he suggested, in his least helpful voice, “if you’re in the market for an excuse to keep working. I know you make those sometimes.”

Nothing.

“I have some weapons to clean, if you want to do that. You could type out all my old cases, if that works, because I only have the originals and those are hard to work with.”

Still nothing.

“Take out the trash?” Jason tried. “Wash the dishes? I put a load of laundry in a couple of hours ago, but there’s a wool jacket in the mix, so be careful what you put in the dryer.”

Dick didn’t move. Jason was enjoying himself now.

“Write a sonnet? Map the White House?” Jason held up a finger Dick couldn’t see, like he had just remembered something interesting. “I think there’s a library on 8th that exploded a few days back, so if you could just grab the rubble from the street and rebuild it by hand, that would be great.”

No reaction.

“Whatever,” said Jason, “I’m out of here. Get some sleep maybe? I know the whole work-to-outrun-despair routine is your ‘thing,’ or whatever, but it never looks good on you. Have you considered—”

Jason cut himself off as Dick finally turned away from the table. Looking him in the eye, Jason felt suddenly and inexplicably afraid.

“Go on,” said Dick, quietly.

“I’m just… saying that it might make things worse, to shut off and—” Jason pointed at the mound of paper on the table, “obsess over this stuff instead.”

“You think?” Dick asked. “No shit.”

Jason blinked. “Wait, are you—”

“Did you think it never occurred to me,” said Dick, “that I might be spinning out?”

“I didn’t say you were spinning out.”

“Were you thinking that maybe,” Dick leaned back against the table edge and crossed his arms, carefully casual in a way Jason didn’t like, “hey maybe I, Dick Grayson, haven’t noticed how it feels to be forty-nine hours into a case and puking in the bathroom sink?”

“I didn’t—”

“Maybe I just haven’t realized why my vision blurs out and I can’t think straight, and it’s weird how this happens—” Dick held up a hand, and Jason could see his fingers shaking, “—if I keep going for too long.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Wow, yeah, now that you mention it, this might be,” Dick said, flatly, “bad.”

Jason glanced down at his boots to break the eye contact. “I’ll back off,” he said. “I’ll go.”

“It might be bad that I can’t sleep until I’m falling-over exhausted. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking all these cases—”

“I said I’ll back off.”

“Or writing all these notes or spending weeks on research, more than that on training—”

“Listen—”

“I probably shouldn’t be leading all these teams, huh?” Dick smiled in a way that reminded Jason of what he should have remembered before he opened his own mouth: that Dick could be very, very dangerous. “Can I get your opinion on that?”

“I’ll—”

“I KNOW!”

Jason stumbled back a step in shock.

“I KNOW that I’m working too hard!” Dick yelled, “And I KNOW why I do it!”

“Okay!” Jason backed away again. “Okay, I get it!”

“I work so I don’t have to think! I’d rather drop dead doing this shit than stop for the millisecond it would take to feel again! Are you happy now?”

“Calm down, okay? I didn’t—”

“I don’t want to feel,” said Dick, gesturing around him, “so I’m going to stand right here over and over again.”

“Fine!”

“And I’m going to keep shutting down because it goddamn WORKS!”

Dick turned away again, bending over the table like he hadn’t said anything at all. Jason stood frozen for a moment, staring.

“Does it?” he asked into the silence.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Do you have something better?”

Jason looked down at his own hands and saw that they were shaking too.

“No,” he said.

“Then fuck off.”

Jason turned to leave, but Dick, it appeared, wasn’t ready to let it go.

“I’m alive,” he said. “I’m standing and walking and doing all the things that matter.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve had enough of— enough of asking for help and getting—” Dick jerked an arm above his head, still turned away. “I don’t want to hear that the way I live is self-destructive. I already know. That’s why I’m here, that’s what I’m saying, that’s why I’m trying.”

“Yeah.”

“Just… show me something better, or let me self-destruct.”

Jason fumbled awkwardly for something to say. “I’m sure— I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but whoever that is— I’m sure they’re… trying to help.”

“You weren’t,” said Dick.

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You were trying to land a cheap shot,” said Dick, “and feel like you’re better than me.”

Yes, that was true. Jason wasn’t sorry, exactly, but he regretted it, and those were different things.

“I guess that makes me an asshole.”

“And a hypocrite.” Dick turned around again and leaned back in the same way, quiet, in control. “You never stop either… not since the pit anyway.”

“Don’t.”

“I mean it’s different, obviously, because I don’t think you’re trying to hide it. Me, I don’t want cracks to show. I don’t want all this grief and anger and— you said despair, right?”

“Stop.”

“I don’t want the despair to show because I want to look whole, but you—”

“You’ve made your point.”

“You want to look like a week-old corpse rotting on the concrete, and may I say?” Dick smiled. “Excellent performance. You look exactly like that.”

Jason didn’t say anything.

“It’s a world of difference,” Dick continued, “because I— I’m pushing through pain… and you’re pushing to feel it.”

For a moment, they stared at each other, and Jason found that it was difficult to breathe.

“I could yell back for that,” he said. It came out softly, more soft than he meant, as Jason shoved away something very close to shame.

“Do it.”

“No. I think it’s funny when people call me the angry one.” Jason looked down at his shaking hands again.

“I am angry,” he conceded, “but you’re just as bad as I am.”

“Thematic,” Dick snapped. “Get out.”

“No. You opened this book, so we’re going to read it. You’re right.”

“Leave.”

“You’re right, I do exactly what you just said I do. Sometimes I don’t sleep for days, and it’s not because I can’t.”

Well, that might not be fully true, so Jason stopped to backtrack.

“I mean,” he corrected, “I don’t know if I could sleep, if I really tried, but that’s the point I’m making. I don’t try. I don’t want to sleep.”

“I said leave.”

“It’ll be four in the morning and I’m slumped sideways on my couch watching surveillance footage I don’t need to watch, because I know when I finally drag myself to the bathroom mirror, I’ll look like hell—”

“Get out!”

“—and I want to! I feel like hell, I feel like goddamn Brutus in the Devil’s jaws, and I want to look like it. If I look like death, that means my pain is real.”

“Get out or regret it.”

“Oh, I know it’s self-destructive,” said Jason, smiling his best unnerving smile. “How could I miss it when I’m blacking out in stairwells and picking fights on purpose, just to get kicked around?”

That particular sentence, it appeared, caught Dick’s attention, because he stayed quiet this time, glaring from across the room.

Well then, Jason decided, it was time to push further.

“Let’s get personal, shall we? Why do I live in this fucking city to see you or him or whoever else is living in the capes this week? I’m not shooting for reconciliation!”

“Well?”

“I’m going to stay here and cause problems until every single one of you hates me enough to shove me away. How’s my performance, by the way? Is it working? I’d love to get your opinion.”

Dick made a face that Jason couldn’t interpret, so Jason chose to press on.

“It’ll hurt when I pull that off because I do actually care about you, but you know what? I’ll like that. Maybe someday all of this will kill me, and I’ll kind of like that too.”

Jason paused a beat to let Dick interject, but Dick didn’t.

“Your turn,” said Jason pleasantly. “Thoughts?”

Nothing.

“I like the aesthetic of self-destruction,” said Jason. “I’m going to look in the mirror tomorrow and see dark circles and scars, and it’s going to feel like being myself in a way that nothing else does.”

In that moment, watching Dick glare, Jason felt very tired— not in a way that sleep could solve, and not in a way that anyone could fix. No matter what Jason did, no matter what he tried, he could always feel himself sinking. He was empty and heavy at the same time, somehow trapped in place, unable to do anything except lie in his own blood.

A rotting corpse indeed.

“I’m not judging you,” said Jason. “I don’t have the space for that. I won’t tell you to just… change. I’m sick of hearing that too, hearing that I don’t have to do this to myself, that I am doing this to myself.”

Dick nodded. Jason wasn’t sure at what, but it felt like permission to keep going, so he did.

“I know I’m holding on to something I shouldn’t,” Jason admitted, even though it hurt to say out loud. “I know, but I can’t let go when there’s nothing else to take. I don’t have anything profound to say. I don’t… know what else there is.”

That was it. That was all Jason had, so he shrugged and stared down at the floor, waiting.

“I think if I stop working I’ll fall apart,” said Dick, finally, “and this time I won’t be able to scrape myself together.”

“Yeah.”

“I think fine, so I don’t have to keep going. I don’t have to shove away the dark and force myself through, but what would happen if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know.”

“I would be a shivering, hollow shape on my floor, maybe forever. I don’t know what I want to be, but I can’t be… I can’t be only that.”

Jason understood.

“It’s hard,” said Dick. “I always hear— and say, I say this to other people— that things can be okay. I guess it’s true, but does it matter?”

“What do you mean?”

“Unless I leave the cave right now and never come back, this is my life. I have an apartment and a fucked-up family—”

“Thanks.”

“—and I spend every night jumping through smog and the ghosts of everything I’ve ever done.”

“Saving people,” Jason noted.

“Win some,” said Dick, “lose some. How many times have you watched a person die?”

“A few.”

“A few.” Dick shook his head. “I know too much, but I have too much to leave behind.”

“I have a guy who makes passports on demand, if you change your mind,” said Jason. “He’s amazing.”

“Thanks.”

“Prints while you wait.”

Dick shot Jason a flat kind of look.

“What?” Jason asked. “It would simplify my plans.”

Dick half-smiled at that, and Jason got the sense that they were done yelling, maybe, for awhile.

“I feel trapped, and I don’t know how to fix myself,” said Dick, “while I’m still… here.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m just trying to stay alive.”

“I know. Me too.”

“It isn’t getting any easier.”

Jason thought about that for awhile. It would be nice to have an answer— something simple to say, some match to light in their common ground— but Jason couldn’t find one, so he shrugged again and hoped that understanding would be enough.

It had to be something, didn’t it?

It was the best he could do. There were times, Jason figured, to talk about breathing exercises and the mess of self-help books piled on his dresser, but he knew this wasn’t one of them. They could call it catharsis, he decided, and leave it at that.

“We could say it’s Bruce’s fault?” Jason suggested, since he was out of other ideas. “I like blaming Bruce for the shit I do.”

“You do?”

“Fuck off.”

Dick smiled fully at that one. “I’m not above it either.”

“Great,” said Jason. “Can I leave a note saying we blame him? No context at all, maybe on a single post-it? I think it would be really funny.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll bounce after that, for real this time.” Jason spun a finger in a circle a few times, pointing around the cave. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Yeah.” Dick tapped a finger against the table a few times, like he was thinking. After a moment, he pulled a bag from the edge and started packing up his things.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, me too.”

Fin.

---

art by @doc-squash

#happy new year my loves let's all make it out together #dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #fanfiction #doc's #mine #self harm #self-destruction #suicidal ideation #if I'm missing something let me know #dc (doc collab)

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andypantsx3 · 4 years ago

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shoto and 'when i find out who is responsible for this...' IM A SUCKER FOR OVERPROTECTIVE SHO LMAO

This one was one of my faves to write, I really hope you like it!

Damage | Todoroki/Reader

Prompt: “When I find out who is responsible for this...” Word Count: 1600 words Tags/Warnings: SFW, ye olde quirk accident trope Notes: Special thanks again to my lady love @bobawithpomegranate for beta-ing me!! Also, for anyone who hasn’t suffered a corporate job: KPIs = key performance indicators, which are a set of business metrics used to measure success in certain areas.

The first sign that something was wrong should have been in line for security.

Ayako—your favorite member of the Todoroki Agency security team—was waving a detector wand over your clothes when she asked casually, “How’s it going?”

Any other morning, your response was something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s going. How are you?” This morning, however, you blurted, “Good! Except that I bumped someone on the train and spent ten minutes trying to get a coffee stain out of this shirt, and I feel a little sick when I think about leading the KPIs review because Shouto’s property damage numbers are up again which doesn’t look great, so I skipped breakfast but honestly I’m super hungry right now, that was a bad choice, and—”

You cut yourself off, utterly bewildered. Ayako looked similarly nonplussed, raising a slim brow.

“Uh, nevermind. I’ll just be going,” you said, and hared off to the rest of the security checkpoints before she could give commentary.

So you might have known that something was wrong even before you let yourself into Shouto’s manager’s office, armed with your monthly spreadsheets and performance slide decks. But you hadn’t given it more thought since then, a move which proved to be a complete mistake.

Shouto was already there, lounging in the set of chairs in front of his manager’s desk, looking less like a hero waiting for a meeting and more like some airbrushed ad for his dark turtleneck or his close-fit grey slacks. Your heart shot into your throat at the sight of him, like it usually did, and you had to remind yourself to relax.

Though he was unbearably handsome to the point of distraction, Shouto was relatively easy to get along with, something that should have made you calmer in his presence. He was straightforward, possessed of very little ego, thoughtful, and a very linear and strategic thinker—you’d worked extremely well with him the past couple of years, and Shouto, though he had less to do with the daily operations of the agency, had helped push your promotion last year to Director of Public Relations. It should have added up to an easy and uncomplicated work partnership, but his personality only made your unfortunate crush on him even worse.

He was so horribly, horribly perfect. And you were an awful little metrics gremlin, called in to roast him over the open flame of public opinion once a month. Really not something Shouto might be interested in.

“Y/N,” he said, looking up from his phone and fixing you with an intent look. Your heart stuttered under those heterochromatic eyes.

“Hi, Shouto,” you said, setting down your bag and digging out your laptop for something to take your attention off of him. “How are you?”

“I’m well,” he answered in his deep tone. “How are you?”

And that was it. The damning question that sent it all to hell.

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered, naming the symptoms of his very presence.

There was a beat of silence. You froze, crouched over your bag, laptop halfway out of it. Then it hit you what had just been said, and you slapped a hand over your mouth in horror.

Shouto was up out of his chair in the blink of an eye, kneeling in front of you with cool fingers on your face, angling it towards him.

“You’re not well?” he asked, those eyes locking on you with an alarming intensity.

His attention only made things worse. “I feel like I might pass out,” you said, cringing even as the words left your mouth.

Fuck, what the hell were you saying? You were making it sound like you were some Victorian maiden, ready to swoon in the mere company of a gentleman. And why were you saying this shit? You’d worked with him for years and you’d never let slip the effect he had on you—what was wrong with you this morning?

You thought back to the coffee incident on the train this morning, the way the girl whose drink you had spilled had startled, the way she had weirdly apologized to you even as you were in the midst of your own apology.

A sense of foreboding settled over you.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

“I think I’ve been hit with a quirk,” you blabbed.

Shouto’s features shuttered, a hard look you’d never really seen before entering his eye. He went over to his manager’s desk, dialing a number on her office phone, and then he was talking in low tones, asking someone from medical to come up to her office immediately.

Then he was back at your side, easing you carefully to the floor like you actually were in danger of passing out, and not just a huge idiot with an incredibly fat crush that made you say the world’s most ridiculous things.

“When I find out who’s responsible for this,” he uttered, low and dangerous, “they might never be able to use a quirk again.”

For some reason, the threat warmed you, even as it sent a little shiver down your spine. Was it weird to find him hot when he was angry?

You clamped your mouth firmly shut, lest you tell him exactly what illness prevailed you, but your silence was all for naught.

Because when one of the medical staff made it up to the office, pressing a quirk testing strip to your skin, she pronounced, “A truth quirk.”

Shouto caught your hand before it could smack into your forehead, looking surprised that he had done so. And then even more surprised at the pronouncement.

“A truth quirk,” he echoed, looking down at you curiously. His fingers were gentle where they held your wrist.

You squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

“But then, you’re still not well,” he said. He looked up at the medical staffer. “She’s feeling faint, and having problems with her heart.”

“She’s fine,” the staffer confirmed, holding up a scanner with your vital readings. They were embarrassingly perfect—incredibly, perfectly, damnably normal.

You could have died. You literally could have died.

Shouto looked down at you with a little wrinkle on his perfect brow, obviously wondering how you could admit symptoms like that given a truth quirk, only for there to be no physical sign of them. You tried to hold down the truth, but another question from him doomed you.

“But how?” he asked, clearly concerned, cool fingers smoothing over your cheekbone.

“I have an insanely huge crush on you,” you blurted. Then you unleashed a string of colorful swears, flushing so hot you thought you might catch fire.

Those heterochromatic eyes went a little round at the edges.

The medical staffer looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh as she bade a quick farewell. She was out the door before you could catch her sleeve and hold her like a shield against Shouto’s incredibly penetrating stare.

“I’m. Um. You know, sorry and everything,” you added. “I won’t let it interfere with work. I mean, I haven’t, any of the past couple years—fuck, oh my god, I just said that—”

Shouto was watching your mouth like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of it.

“Say it again,” he said.

You paused, staring at him. “What?”

“Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“My heart feels like it could explode any second, and I feel kind of faint, weirdly weak, and incredibly distracted,” you answered obediently.

“Because of me,” he said, like it was a wonder.

You gave him an annoyed look. Obviously because of him, who the fuck else did he think wielded that combination of attractiveness and straightforward appeal like an S-class quirk of its own?

Shouto choked on a laugh, and you realized with some horror that you’d said all of that out loud.

Damn the fucking truth quirk.

“I don’t know,” Shouto said, sounding amused. “I think I rather like it. When I find out who is responsible for this, I might have to thank them instead.”

This stopped you short.

He what now?

“I’m sorry, what?”

Something a little like a smirk curled the corner of Shouto’s mouth. “It is generally gratifying to know one’s feelings are returned, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I wouldn’t know—” you started, feeling annoyed with him again. Then you choked when the implication of his words sank in.

Shouto’s fingers slid down to cup your chin, and suddenly it felt like every nerve ending in your body was concentrated there, the touch magnified a thousand-fold into an all-consuming sensation.

“Would you like me to kiss you?” he asked lightly, looking smug.

“Oh my god yes—” The answer was out of your mouth before he’d even finished the question.

Shouto laughed, and then he was leaning in. You could feel the smile still on his mouth when it met yours. Shouto’s kiss was careful and attentive, but you could sense something deeper beneath, the same kind of restrained sort of passion that underlaid his quirk. Having that kind of controlled intensity turned on you was something you could have never prepared for.

The kiss became deeper and more heated, and Shouto was just easing you backwards again, still pressed firmly to you, when the door opened and his manager blew in.

“This is a fucking office,” she said, stepping over the two of you like you were a grimy puddle in the street. “Now hurry the fuck up, we have KPIs to review. Shouto—don’t think this will derail me from your property damage numbers increasing.”

Shouto huffed into your mouth, slumping against you.

You couldn’t do anything but laugh.

Current event masterlist in pinned!

#todoroki shouto x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki x reader #bnha x reader #todoroki shouto #bnha #garbage fest 2021 #garbage fest fics

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princeandreis · 2 years ago

Text

#wilbur soot #mcyt #more people should approach their careers the way he does (through a slight veil of mystery but also genuine love and kindness)#also theres this clip of him preventing tommy from shaking ass onstage at an event and u can just See his gears turning #like yes tommy is silly and excitable and sometimes crude and that’s his reputation but it didn’t fit the moment and wilbur saw that #it’s also one thing to be silly and excitable and crude online and it’s another to shake your ass onstage at a convention #like that’s a more personal display and a little undignified even for tommy so wil stepped in like a big brother should #hes so protective in a good way and it makes me :)#wilbur just has a lot of wisdom in everything he does and i truly admire that about him #analysis

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 4 years ago

Text

go big or go home

this was a request from @kk2016

Hi!! could you write about being pregnant with Harry but no one knew so you guys show up to the Grammys together and everyone can see your baby bump through your dress?

here is the link to the dress you’re wearing. I have no idea if this is a good option, I’m terrible with fashion :) but I thought it was cute! If you hate it, definitely just imagine something else :)

warnings: pregnancy

word count: 2.8k

It wasn't exactly hard to hide a pregnancy during a pandemic. You barely left the house, and if you did, you weren't recognized. The one time you and Harry had been spotted, you had only been 4 months along and were wearing an oversized sweater. So it was safe to say this baby was your family's little secret.

Harry knew, of course. He had been the first person to know (after Anne and the doctor who confirmed the pregnancy). You had got around to telling the rest of your families after the first trimester was over. The "inner circle," as you liked to call it, were the few people who were aware. This consisted of your parents, Anne, Gemma, Harry's band, Jeff and Glenne. That was it. Neither of you were wild on the idea of Harry's entire fanbase knowing, so you kept it under wraps as best you could.

Which, once again, wasn't hard to do. You didn't even have to go out for groceries; they could be delivered. You could buy everything for the nursery online and have it sent directly to your front doorstep. You and Harry had stayed inside for the better part of the past seven months.

However, there was one event coming up that you absolutely refused miss out on. The Grammys. At first, Harry thought you should stay home. He was worried you would get sick, and how it might affect the baby. He was worried about his fans finding out. He was worried he wouldn't win and he would have to see your disappointed face right next to him.

Of course, you were not about to let this happen. You assured him you wouldn't get within six feet of anyone besides him. You wouldn't shake anyone's hand or hug anyone. You would wear two masks, if it would make him feel safer. You would shower in hand sanitizer. You really didn't care what you had to do; you were not going to miss this night.

"Harry, I swear to God, if you keep giving me that terrified look..."

"I'm sorry!" He exclaimed, dragging a hand over his face. "I'm allowed to be a little apprehensive. This really isn't a good idea, I think it might be best if you just stay home. I just-"

"Absolutely not," you spun around, placing your hands on your hips. "I'm going to be there, in person, so I can watch my husband become a Grammy winner."

"You can watch from here!" He argued. "Plus, that way, you don't have to walk around all night. I know your feet have been bugging you, and-"

"Don't use this pregnancy against me!" You threw your head back, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm not," he said, stepping closer and resting his hands on your belly. "I just want you to be safe. You and our little girl."

"I know," you brought up your hand to brush along his cheekbone. "And we will be. I'm not going to get close to anyone. I'm not going to touch anything. I'm going to have two masks on the entire night. Harry, there won't be anyone safer than me this whole night. I promise."

"I just..."

When he didn't finish his sentence, you leaned in to meet his eyes. "What are you really worried about?"

"Lots of things," he murmured. "Besides the literal plague? I'm worried about people finding out and being cruel. I don't want to deal with that, and I don't ever want you to be exposed to it. I'm worried something bad will happen, and it'll be all my fault for letting you come along. And... I'm worried you'll be disappointed if I don't win." His last sentence was so quiet you barely heard it, but it still made your heart ache.

"Baby..." You said quietly, your voice sad. You ignored his other two worries for now, because this one was clearly the most important to deal with. “You think I'll be disappointed in you?"

He nodded, looking at his hands on you instead of meeting your eyes. "Everything I do, it's all for you. You and her. What if it's not enough? What if I fail?"

"Harry," you kept your hands on his face, directing him to look at you. "I will never, ever be disappointed in you. You are amazing, in everything you do. Understand? I personally think you will be a three time Grammy winner at the end of the night-" he grinned at this- "But even if you're not, I will still be so incredibly proud of you. I will always, always be proud of you, and I will always love you. Okay?"

He didn't move, but you used your grip on his face to nod his head up and down. His smile grew bigger, and he grabbed your wrist gently. He turned his head to kiss your palm, sighing softly before he pulled away.

"I love you so much," he said, his voice filled with admiration. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better. You always know exactly what to say."

You shrugged with a small smile. "I'm just amazing, I think."

"I think so too."

-----

You were sitting on the couch, dressed in your normal quarantine clothing. Hoodies. Sweatpants for him, leggings for you. Why would you get dressed up for a virtual acceptance ceremony?

You bounced excitedly as they announced "Adore You" as one of the nominations for best music video. Harry smiled when you gripped his arm.

"I don't have a good feeling about this," he admitted.

"Well, you're just a ray of sunshine today," you huffed. "Here it comes!"

"And the Grammy goes to... Beyoncé, Blue Ivy, and WizKid."

You slumped back slightly, patting his arm.

He laughed lightly at your reaction. "She deserves it."

You nodded. "Not to be mean to you, but yeah, she definitely does."

-----

As the hours wore on, you could tell Harry was getting more nervous.

"It's just- it's my first performance in a while. What if it's not good?"

"Harry," you grabbed his face again. "It will be amazing. Yes?"

Again, he didn't respond. Again, you had to physically move his head up and down in a nod. Again, this made him laugh. It was a small gesture, but you could tell it helped calm him down at least a little bit.

"There's one thing we haven't talked about," he pulled away from you, going through his drawers to find his socks.

"What's that?"

"Your outfit."

You shook your head. "I already picked my dress." You pulled out the garment bag, unzipping it to show him. It was fairly simple; you didn't want to overshadow him on his big day.

He smiled. "It's beautiful."

You nodded. "We're going to look so hot together."

"Couple of the year, I think."

"We might break the internet. Seriously. You're wearing a leather jacket with no shirt and I'm pregnant. Twitter is going to explode."

He laughed again, pulling you into his arms. "Are you sure you're ok with everyone knowing? It might not be good, people's reactions can be really-"

"You do realize they will have to find out at some time, right? You can't exactly hide a child forever."

"I know," he sighed. "I just like living in our little bubble, where it's only me and you who know."

"And your mom. And Gemma. And my parents. And Sarah, and Mitch, and Adam, and Ny, and Charlotte, and Jeff and-"

"Alright, alright, you've made your point," he chuckled. "But you know what I mean."

"I do," you nodded. "And I'm ok with people knowing. Besides, it'll blow over soon. I can just stay off socials until it does."

Harry sighed again. "I wish you didn't have to. I wish people would just..."

"Treat people with kindness," you grinned. "Maybe they don't know. Maybe you should tell them to do that sometime."

He rolled his eyes playfully, pulling away from you. "You're funny."

"Hilarious, I know."

"I have to get ready," he sighed. "One last try- are you sure you don't want to stay home?"

"Not a chance," you smiled. "Now shoo so I can get dressed."

-----

His hands were shaking as he opened the door of his dressing room. You gripped his arm tighter, trying to remind him you were here for him.

"Everything's going to be ok," you said softly.

He nodded, but his hands still shook.

"I'll be right offstage, you can look at me if you get nervous," you reminded him. "This might not be the time, but I'm, like, really excited to see you perform."

"Yeah?" He gave a small smile.

You nodded. "It's been a while since I've been able to see that. And you look... very nice in this outfit."

"Very nice, huh?" He laughed. "What a compliment."

"I do have a way with words," you grinned.

"Always," he leaned his forehead against yours. "Now what was it you said earlier? Shoo, so I can get dressed."

"I'll be just offstage," you reminded him one last time, blowing him a kiss as you stepped out of the room.

-----

You couldn't take your eyes off him for the entire performance. He was worried for no reason, because he was incredible. He was born to do this, you could tell.

You cheered louder than anyone else when he finished, earning a cheeky smile from him. As soon as he could get away, he ran over to you and enveloped you in his arms.

"I told you you'd be amazing," you whispered.

He nodded, wearing the biggest smile you'd seen in days. "Couldn't have done it without you."

"I didn't do anything," you laughed.

"No, I couldn't have done it without your moral support," he clarified.

"Right, moral support," you nodded seriously before breaking into a smile again. "But really, that was amazing. You're perfect."

"That's all you, love," he returned the compliment, turning back around to watch Billie performing. He kept his arm around you, though. The camera panned to you a few times during the different performances, and you knew by this point the viewers at home had seen your bump. Your dress wasn't very tight fitting, but you were almost 8 months along. You were sure social media was exploding by now.

You didn't have to worry about that though, not yet at least. You had a few more hours of calm.

-----

Harry's nerves had apparently returned once you got to the table. His hand was gripping yours even tighter than before and his leg bounced constantly. You placed your hand on his thigh, trying to calm his frantic movements. His eyes went to yours, and you could tell he was smiling under his mask.

"It will be fine," you reminded him. "Everything will be ok. You already did the hard part, remember?"

He nodded, taking in a deep breath. "Right. And soon, we can go home, and sit on the couch, and eat ice cream."

"Exactly," you smiled. "And I can get back in my leggings and not get dressed again for the next 6 months."

He laughed at this, and his grip on your hand loosened. He still kept hold of you, but you could tell he wasn't so nervous anymore.

"Ok, shh, they're announcing it now," you said excitedly.

Harry looked down, apparently seized with nerves again.

"And the Grammy goes to... Watermelon Sugar, Harry Styles."

His eyes went wide, and your face split into a giant grin. He reached his arm out to grab yours, almost like he didn't believe what had just happened.

He pulled his mask off, standing up. He took your hand, gesturing for you to stand too, so of course you obliged. He pulled you against him, and you could feel how fast his heart was beating. When he pulled away, you smiled up at him.

"I knew you would win," you said softly, still beaming. "Now go!" You gave his shoulder a gentle push toward the stage.

"Wow, um..." He blew out a breath, looking at you before he spoke again. "To everyone who made this record with me, thank you so much. This was the first song we wrote after my first album came out, during a day off in Nashville, and I just want to say thanks to Tom, Tyler, Mitch, and everyone... Rob Stringer, and everyone at Colombia, my manager Jeffery, who has always nudged me to be better and never pushed me, thank you so much. I feel very grateful to be here, thank you. All of these songs are fucking massive, so thank you so much, I feel very honored to be here among all of you, so thank you so much. And I want to say-" he looked at you again, a smile of adoration crossing his face. "Most importantly, thank you to my wife. Y/N, I love you more than anything else on this planet, and I couldn't have done any of this without you. You make it all possible, so... thank you to the light of my life, and of course our daughter." His eyes went wide at the last sentence, like he hadn't planned to say that. He looked around nervously before he quickly made his way back to his seat.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that, it slipped out-"

You shook your head, taking his hand. "It's ok, don't worry about it," you smiled. "I'm so proud of you."

He put his mask back on, but it didn't hide the happiness on his face.

-----

Once everything was over and you had both climbed into the car to go home, it seemed to really hit him.

"I won a Grammy," he said in disbelief, looking down at the award in his hands.

"You won a Grammy," you repeated with a big smile on your face. "Grammy winner Harry Styles."

"Yeah," he looked back up at you, his eyes still wide. "That's... insane."

You nodded. "And very impressive. And I'm so proud of you."

He smiled, scooting closer so he could put his arm around you. "Grammy winner Harry Styles... and his amazing wife."

"And their amazing daughter," you added, placing his other hand over your stomach. "Feel that? She's been kicking all night. She's excited for you."

He grinned, before his face dropped back into one of concern. "Are you sure you're ok with what I said? I really didn't mean to, I just got caught up, it-"

"Baby," you stopped him. "I promise, it's ok. Besides, everyone knew the minute I walked in there."

"Right," he nodded. "Has your phone been blowing up?"

You shrugged. "I turned it off. Should we check?"

"I'm a little nervous," he admitted.

"I'm gonna do it." You fished your phone out of your purse, eyes widening when you saw how many notifications you had. From every possible app. Congratulations texts, excited DMs, missed calls, and then there were the mentions. There were well over a hundred on your lockscreen alone.

You cleared all of them, deciding to open Twitter and see how bad it was. You were very pleasantly surprised.

"harry's daughter" was #1 on the trending page, and "harry in leather" was right behind it. Clicking on the first one, you found several GIFs of the terrified look on Harry's face when he accidentally made the announcement. You smiled, but scrolled further. Hundreds of fans were typing in all caps, apparently very excited that Harry was going to be a father.

"You're right, we broke the internet," he grinned, looking through his own timeline. "I've seen my bare chest more in the last five minutes than my entire life before this."

"What a power couple we are," you laughed. "We got the top two trending spots."

"What an accomplishment," he joked.

You scrolled for a few more minutes, still yet to see a negative message. "You were worried for nothing, babe. They're all very excited for us."

"I see that," he grinned. "They've also named our baby for us, and somehow know her zodiac sign."

"Oh, wonderful," you laughed. "But really, it could have been worse."

"Definitely," he nodded. "Well, that's one way to announce a pregnancy. On live TV in front of the entire nation."

"Yeah, you know, go big or go home."

"Exactly."

Closing Twitter, you moved on to Instagram. You gasped when you saw the first picture on your feed. "Sarah posted her bump! Now we can be baby buddies in public, not just in secret."

Harry smiled, turning off his phone and pulling you closer to him.

"omg, baby buddies :)" you commented. Within seconds, Sarah had liked the comment and replied with "they will be best friends😊"

With that, you turned off your own device and leaned into his side. "What a good night. Aren't you glad I came with you?"

"I am," he admitted. "Very glad. Thanks for being stubborn."

"Always."

#harry styles #harry fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x you fanfiction #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles/you #harry styles/reader #harry styles/reader fanfiction #harry styles/you fanfiction #dad!harry #one direction #one direction fanfiction #pregnancy

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