#have zero issues with someone making the occasional mistake

[ahalliance]

ever since openly coming out as trans irl, everytime someone misgenders me i inch closer to losing my absolute shit

[your-mystic-nymph]

here’s a master list for character facts/traits about my oc/sona. i’d like to preface this by saying that some of these things are not true to me as mun, and that this is for fictional lore purposes.

CW for SA trauma, childhood trauma, self-harm, and spiritual beliefs.

aggressively people pleasing, when she cares and loves someone she’ll go to no end to take care of them. it’s severely damaging to her mental health sometimes. she’s gotten hurt by an ex in the past from giving too much, he decided to use her kind naivety to manipulate her instead.

has 3 other siblings, 2 older sisters and a younger brother- she is the second youngest.

her two older sisters did not get along growing up after childhood, they’d constantly bicker and argue. morgan was picked on a lot by one of her sisters, making her feel insecure. her brother and her weren’t really close, they’d occasionally hang out but were distant.

middle school and high school were very difficult times in her life, she met her abusive ex outside of school while in her sophomore year. her only friend since middle school left her to hangout with others instead. her parents were fairly neglectful to what was happening so she only could rely on her ex for support.

she feels the need to prove her worth, unintentionally hiding her feelings of pain and anger. she doesn’t know how to process emotions properly and can seem dull and quiet sometimes due to her constant overthinking and spacing out. it takes a lot to actively piss her off, but once she is it’s intense and usually short lived. (think of it like a match)

has severe daddy issues, due to the lack of attention and care he had for her mom or siblings. she favors her mother significantly more then her father, having feelings of anger and resentment towards him. growing up he had misogynistic and toxic catholic views and standards for her, her siblings, and their mother.

her mom worked as a manager at a mental health facility, making her barely have time to care of morgan or her siblings. her dad would have to watch her and her siblings but did a pretty bad job at it. morgan’s mom relied on her to help take care of her siblings and dad when out working, teaching her a lot about domestic duties and mental health issues.

has a big fear of small closed spaces (closets, spaces to crawl through, underneath cabinets) due to the fact that when she was a child her father locked her inside of a small room and forgot when he passed out drunk and angry. the experience was extremely scary for her and no one was home to get her out for hours, to this day she won’t go into any spaces that she feels are too tight.

has a fear of the dark, doesn’t like to be in a room or place that has zero lighting at all. her eyes and brain trick her into seeing things and blur out and get staticky. she prefers to sleep with a night light or the tv on.

struggles with a disorganized attachment style.

is pretty impulsive and has a lack of self control.

clumsy, has a hard time keeping balance and occasionally bumps into things accidentally.

is a terrible liar, her facial expressions and mannerisms almost always reveal the fact that she is.

has a bad habit of talking to herself when she’s alone, has and probably will continue making the mistake of doing it when others are close.

experiences intense mood swings sometimes due to her PMDD- will laugh, cry, get mad, and feel hopeless all in the span of an hour.

prefers not to yell but when she does/has to it’s loud and sharp.

struggles with OCD and intrusive thoughts on a daily basis, also anxiety and depression.

is anemic and malnourished, her body has a hard time properly absorbing nutrients. (almost always seen with bruises somewhere on her)

she fantasies what it’d be like to die, to just finally give in to fate and let go- also has thought about what it’d be like to hurt someone just for fun. sometimes when she’s alone at night she’ll log into the deep web to look at graphic images and scroll past occasional snuff streams. she feels really bad about it but understands the worlds an unjust place, just sometimes can’t help but give in to her morbid curiosity.

she’s a sadomascochist, leaning more on the masochist side.

has a delayed pain response, taking a few seconds longer for the sensation to register.

has a pretty flexible body, not a contortionist or anything but she has long legs and arms that stretch far.

if given the chance she’d love to see what her skeleton, guts, muscles, look like- but she’s too scared to follow through with trying to see for herself so she just fantasizes it.

has a collection of sharp pretty small knifes she keeps in a purple velvet case.

regularly goes thrifting, getting second hand things- had to when younger and learned to love the used and cared for feel to things she’s thrifted.

hears whispers or voices sometimes, is paranoid and thinks somethings out to get her- also believes it’s spirits or whispers of past experiences occurring in the present.

usually just doesn’t have a good sense of memory, sometimes she remembers things very well and other times it’s all just lost to the void. (remembers what people like, don’t like, has trouble remembering certain plans or steps for things)

her ex in the past has used her insecurities and declining mental state for his benefit when she was younger. he would give her intoxicants and sexually assault/do things that messed with her head. they were together for 3 years before she finally decided to leave. he threatened her if she’d ever go to the police for what he’s done, has cursed him but still feels a lack of closure.

has a hard time trusting others but still craves love and affection despite her past. if she had to depend on someone she’d feel a bit relieved, but also restless and worried- constantly asking what she could do to help so she wouldn’t feel like a burden, feels unworthy and pathetic if not of service in some way. words of affirmation and reassurance go a long way with her.

when in extremely difficult or scary situations she dissociates, runs on autopilot for awhile. she’s developed this trauma response in order to deal with some heavy stuff she’s been through in her life. it’s hard for her to think or react properly when she gets like this though.

has the habit of running a bath for herself just so she can cut her upper thighs and watch the blood, the feeling and sight of the deep red shade is relaxing to her. has some of her blood kept in bottles with anticoagulants just to look at when bored.

frequents cemeteries to collect graveyard dirt, likes to sit and meditate under nearby trees just to try and clear her head.

likes different types of smells both pleasant and rotting. (smells like scat, urine, and vomit are off the table though)

her favorite flowers are hydrangeas, the blue ones remind her of the ones she used to have growing up by her house.

almost always seen outside of her home decently dressed with makeup on, doesn’t feel confident or put together without it.

has powers/abilities from a lineage of witch’s she didn’t know she’s originated from. (the weather changes around her depending on the area of change and intensity in her life)

has an affinity for feminine vintage type things since she grew up in a small town populated mostly by old people.

keeps miscellaneous herbs and spices in her kitchen and bedroom cabinets. (if you get the chance to explore you’ll see things like crushed egg shells, apple wood, moss, animal bones, sea shells, bird feathers, etc.)

has shifted to a reality in her sleep she likes to call “the edge,” it’s a distorted colorful surreal type of place. she doesn’t know how or why she goes there, occasionally voices whisper to her but she forgets what they say when she wakes up.

she’s easily startled, if someone closes a door or sneezes too hard or something near her she gasps and jumps. things like that do occasionally upset her and she gets teary eyed.

has an immense sweet tooth and was taught how to bake and cook by her mother.

has sharp teeth, not like shark type of teeth but her molars and canines are sharp.

twirls her hair around her fingers or fidgets with her hands or clothing when she’s anxious to self soothe.

voice claim would be agnes from fantastic mr fox.

[coldstoicism]

001. ⸻ Writing and artwork on this blog may contain mature and potentially triggering themes such as canon-typical gore and violence, body horror as well as mentions of abuse & depression. In most cases, posts will be tagged accordingly and nothing will be too graphic. However, as I have no triggers myself I'm often unsure of what warrants a tag and what does not. Please do reach out and let me know if I forgot to tag something you think should have been tagged. Mortal Kombat is not a game for the faint hearted so do proceed with caution if any of the above mentioned topics are triggering to you. Only follow & interact if you're 21+.

002. ⸻ I'm an adult with responsibilities and a job outside of writing, I might sometimes take a day or two to respond to you. Please be aware of that and don't assume I'm ignoring you. I'm doing my best to get back to everyone and I apologize if responses sometimes take longer. Lately, I've also been struggling with various health issues so it might even take me up to a week or more to get back to you. As long as you don't spam me, please feel free to sometimes send me reminders if I haven't responded to our thread in a while. I'm a human and I also tend to forget things sometimes.

003. ⸻ English is not my first language. While I'd like to think I have pretty decent grammar, I might make mistakes sometimes, especially when it comes to correct punctuation as it is vastly different from that of my native language. Please be patient with me, I'm trying my best.

004. ⸻ I use small text to write, but I don't mind switching to the regular text size for better accessibility. Just let me know ahead and I'll make sure to adjust the text size for my posts accordingly. I also use icons and graphics in my posts and occasionally colorful text for highlighting.

005. ⸻ This blog is crossover friendly and open to writing with original characters. With all the different timelines existing in the Mortal Kombat universe, the possibilites to craft unique stories are pretty much endless. Don't be afraid to reach out if you have a cool plot idea, I would love to hear it.

006. ⸻ I feel like this should be self-explanatory, but no godmodding, no taking control of my character or anything of the likes. It's very annoying and it will take away my enthusiasm to continue writing with you.

007. ⸻ I'm above engaging in petty drama with anyone on here, I made this blog to write for my favorite character and for no other reason. I can't stand negativity and toxicity. If I see you being rude to others, spreading hate or even bullying other people in the community, I will instantly block you. If you have a problem with me, feel free to reach out to me so we can have a civil conversation about it.

008. ⸻ Please be aware that my portrayal of MK1!Bi-Han is not 100% canon-accurate. While I tried to make as little changes to the character's personality and backstory as possible, some aspects of him will be based on my own headcanons. The writing for him in MK1 is annoyingly inconsistent, contradicts itself on multiple occasions and sometimes even makes no sense at all, so I won't be adopting much of it into my portrayal. Do not expect me to write Bi-Han as a one-dimensional joke villain just because ❛ it's canon ❜ in the current timeline. If that's the portrayal you're looking for, you might want to look for someone else to write with. That said, this blog will feature different versions of Bi-Han from different timelines, so please do specify the timeline you'd prefer for the plot to be set in. For now I only write Bi-Han as Sub-Zero and I haven't decided on whether or not Noob Saibot will become a secondary muse on this blog yet, but it's well within the realm of possibilities.

009. ⸻ I do not condone hate, homophobia, racism or anything of the sorts and if I see someone partaking in such problematic behavior that will warrant an instant block.

010. ⸻ Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of writing romance plots, I don't have any preferred ships for Bi-Han and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I just don't see Bi-Han as someone who's particularly interested in romance or relationships. Depending on how his character develops in the current timeline, that might change in the future. If I do feel like our characters have chemistry, I won't be opposed to shipping, but I will let you know ahead that I do not write smut.

011. ⸻ Feel free to drop random starters in my inbox, send me asks ic or ooc if you feel like interacting with me and keep in mind that inbox calls and starter calls as well as memes don't expire ! Even if the posts are old, you can still interact with them and I will get back to you.

012. ⸻ I don't have a preferred length for replies, I usually try to match the length of my responses to that of my writing partners, but please don't feel obligated to do the same.

013. ⸻ Where to find me: I'm mostly active on Tumblr, but if we're mutuals, you can ask for my discord as well. I can also be found on my secondary blog @shiraiflame.

014. ⸻ Lastly, if you have further questions, feel free to send me a message at any time.

[itcamefromthetoybox]

Targetmaster

“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is now out, and I’m seeing it this weekend! I need this movie. I NEEEEEEEED IT! And so, to keep myself from going completely bonkers (more than I already have, I mean), I am pleased to present the last pre-movie review: “Nerf Transformers: Rise of the Beasts 2-In-1 Optimus Prime Blaster!”

Box art taken from Amazon because I lost the pic I took of mine in the packaging

All of you know who Optimus Prime is and what Nerf is, so we’re just gonna skip the info dump. Instead, let’s talk about what exactly this toy even is. As the name of the toy obviously states, this is a Nerf gun styled after Optimus Prime. The thing that got my attention about this toy, though, is the fact that the Nerf gun also transforms into an Optimus Prime toy. It’s such a neat concept, and one I think kids will really like.

Now, before we get into the review proper, let’s address the elephant in the room. A lot of people got really pissy about the fact that this is an Optimus that turns into a gun instead of a Megatron that turns into one, since turning into a gun was the original Megatron’s whole thing. Well, there’s a few good reasons this toy isn’t Megatron, so let’s go through them.

Many American states have laws restricting or banning the sale of toy guns that could be mistaken for genuine firearms. Megatron is traditionally grey, silver, and black, and occasionally shades of green. It would be really easy to mistake a Nerf gun Megatron for a real gun, and that’s one of many ways kids get shot by panicked cops or other trigger-happy people in this country. Optimus, meanwhile, is predominantly red and blue, so a kid playing with him has a somewhat lower chance of being shot at by cops or anyone else. A lower chance, but sadly, not a zero percent chance.

Good guys sell better than bad guys. Financially, it makes more sense for Hasbro and Nerf to team up to make a toy of a hero like Optimus than it does to make a villain, especially since Optimus is the most well-known character in the entire franchise.

Megatron has not been confirmed to be in the movie. All the Megatron toys released for this movie are re-releases from previous toylines, but with the “Rise of the Beasts” logo on the packaging. Since this toy was made in a collaboration between Hasbro and Nerf, meaning the profits have to be split between the two companies makes more sense to make a toy of someone actually in the movie than it does to make one of someone not in the movie, because kids are more likely to buy the toy of the guy they just saw on the big screen.

In robot mode, Prime’s looks and articulation both suffer from the fact that he’s a working Nerf gun first and a toy robot second. From the front and top up, Prime looks good. He has the looks you expect from Optimus Prime by now. And then there’s the rest. Since his legs become the barrel of the Nerf gun, he ends up with cartoonishly long legs. Compared to the normal proportions of his top half, it’s a little jarring to suddenly see those super long legs. It’s like he’s wearing some sort of stilts and trying to hide it, and it is not going well.

...I just realized how awkward the orange barrel looks in robot mode.

The issues that come from being a Nerf gun become even clearer when we look at Prime from behind. Due to how a Nerf gun works, there wasn’t a way to make this toy so the gun’s handle could be folded down or removed without jacking up the price. So as a result, Prime has this giant blue growth sticking out of his back.

Robot Mode Optimus Prime has very limited articulation, as you would expect from a toy that’s meant to be a gun first and foremost. He has ball-jointed shoulders and elbows, and that’s really it. Since his legs are the barrel of the gun, they’re a mostly solid piece, with the only exception being the end of his long, solid leg part, which folds out of the way to not block the barrel for the gun. He also can’t hold anything in his hands, which is actually a letdown for me. I would have loved for him to be able to hold his own tiny Nerf gun.

Optimus Prime would go on to develop severe back pain.

Transforming Prime to gun mode and back is a pretty straightforward process, where the hardest part is just getting his arms positioned for gun mode, and even that’s not really a challenge. The whole transformation is quick and easy, which is partially caused by the fact that the entire body is a Nerf gun and the robot mode is the Nerf gun with limbs and a head, so transforming him is just getting those parts out of the way. My one issue is that, when putting Prime in robot mode, the barrel of the gun can sometimes make Prime’s legs not want to come together fully, which can make him fall backwards if you’re not careful, so do keep an eye on that.

I really like how the gun mode looks. It’s got a lot of visible Optimus details, such as the wheels his traditional truck mode has and the chest windows, which all make for a very stylized toy. It’s a really neat design, which at this point, I expect from Nerf after seeing some of their other Nerf guns. I’m very pleased with this look.

Turn him upside down and you can claim he’s a submarine or spaceship

Since Prime’s a Nerf gun, one thing we should definitely talk about is his fire power. After all, the point of a Nerf gun is to shoot your friends with it, and it would be kinda sad if the Nerf dart couldn’t even clear the couch. Well, I’m pleased to say that Prime has what I’d call decent range. He’s a smaller gun, so he won’t be hitting people across a field, but his power is good for his size. And remember, it’s not the size of Optimus Prime, it’s what you can do with him.

Optimus comes with two accessories, a pair of Nerf darts. Considering he’s a Nerf gun, this shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone. What I do like is that he has a place to store the Nerf darts aside from just loading one in the gun, which would impede Prime’s ability to transform. Prime has a pair of dart holders that unfold on his back/the end of the gun, which do a very good job storing the darts, I haven’t had any issue with the holders being too loose or anything, which I admit was a concern of mine. As a bonus, when the darts are stored, they do a decent job emulating Prime’s smokestacks from his truck figures, albeit in bright Nerf colors.

The film’s epic climax: Unicron chokes to death on a Nerf dart.

“Nerf Transformers: Rise of the Beasts 2-In-1 Optimus Prime Blaster“ is available at mass retail and can be found with the action figures, not the Nerf guns. He goes for about $20-$25 at retail, which is a little much, but a lot of online places are starting to carry him for about $17, which feels much more reasonable. While I’m not enamored with the legs and how he has a giant gun handle sticking out of his back, I do understand that those are sacrifices that had to be made due to the fact he’s a working Nerf gun. As is, I actually would recommend him for kids old enough and responsible enough to play with Nerf guns. I would also recommend him for adults responsible enough to play with Nerf guns. Basically, use good judgement before buying this for someone. “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” comes out this weekend, so this is the last Transformers review for now, and next week, we’ll be looking at toys of another beloved franchise that’s getting a movie soon, so come back then! This is JS, signing off and  wishing you Happy Toy Hunting!

[bunbunpawz]

Introduction , I think?

Hello,  Pleasure to meet you, pleasure to see you again if you’re here not for the first time. I am a Jirai Kei girl, with a postivie twist.  I dress Jirai kei, and head out to kabukichou for fun. I don’t really do anything bad (unless you’re one of the people that consideres a half a can of strong zero once in a blue moon to be bad) I try to keep most of my life private, but also share my thoughts. Most of my posts are just me rambling about things I thought about and want to get out there for myself to remember later. I never thought anyone would see my posts but I have somehow gotten followers, and people thanking me once in a while for a post or for my positive approach.  well, I say positive, but it’s more like a not negative? I am very cynical, but I don’t particualrly intend to drag anyone down with me into negativity. I think everyone has plenty of that themselves already.  I was born in ukraine, but migrated to another country at a young age where I had experienced war since I can remember. I also never got to not be a forigner.  No matter where I go I am a minority or a forginer.  I am not native to English, so excuse me if I make mistakes.  I am also a fast typer so I don’t always notice things here and there. I probably have sever depression, but due to circumstances I never got diagnosed with it, therefore I cannot announce it as a fact, even though It is pretty clear. What I have been diagnosed however, Is Avoidant Personality Disorder. No, it does not mean I am A social. Just scared of the world, and people. I am ace, and due to reasons above, and probably plenty others, I have a hard time connecting to people, let alone doing somethign as intimate as dating. Most of the time I am stuck alone with my thoughts. These thougths are what I tend to put out here. occasionally I will talk about Jirai kei, and things revolving around it. I took Jirai Kei as my coping machanism. I don’t drink, smoke or do much things people tend to do to deal with stress, so I think putting my frustrations into a style isn’t very harmful. I just find a connection to like minded people through wearing similar fashion. I don’t encourge any behaviors, but I also will not radically shame you for your coping habits, unless they are harming someone.  My biggest dislike is when someone bothers someone else, and causes them genuine discomfort for no reason, like bullying, or smoking near them when they are clearly appauled by it. I do not find it shameful to have mental issues, and physical signs of it on your body. I feel the need to mention this as one of the most comment things I get told is that jirai kei promotes self harm. I think this is false, I think jirai kei accepts people that self harm and not cause it. It welcomes people and says , it’s okay. even if you have scars you can still wear cute clothes. I don’t have a lot of money, so I can’t afford the cool brands and pretty things. But I try my best to take jirai kei pictures and collect clothes and items, slowly. I also try and help others understand the world of jirai kei from my perspective. Some people come to my page to tell me Jirai Kei is not a real fashion style.  It’s just a slur. And that westerners have taken it and made it into a thing. But the irony of this statement is that, if westerners made it into a thing, then it is now a thing. It has become real. For all of you out there, that DM me that they are jirai kei but cannot come out as jirai kei due to all the hate. Do what makes you happy. Nobody can decide for you how to feel, you can only feel for yourself, and if this makes you happy, and doesn’t harm anyone, then it is not something to be shameful. Come I welcome you into the world of Jirai Kei. And if you’re interested in my thoughts, I hope I have something worth hearing for you to see.  And if you want to tell me something or express something to me, please do! I never know what people think, or if they even see my posts or want to see my posts until they say something. Don’t be shy give it a try :)  Thank you for your support

[jcwriting]

Written in the Stars

summary ↬ being soulmates with a werewolf? pretty easy. being jungkook’s soulmate? the easiest thing in the world. there’s only one teensy tiny problem. he doesn’t want to fuck you.

pairing ↬ werewolf!jungkook x reader

genre ↬ soulmate!au, abo verse, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort (this is so fucking dramatic and for what)

word count ↬ 10.4k my hand slipped

warnings ↬ swearing, angst (but with a happy ending bc im a sappy bitch), jk is stupid in love (emphasis on stupid), mentions of violence (very brief and i don’t go into too much detail but just to warn yall), slight nsfw (sex is a big topic for like half of this but not sex is had...i know im shocked too), half of this is background info/setting up the story the other half is finally addressing the summary lolol, jk is kind of an asshole but he has reasons!!!!!

authors note ↬ hello lovelies! here’s a small little thing for you all (laughs in 10k word count). this has been sitting in my drafts for fucking ever and i just needed to get it out there and out of my hands. im thinking about writing a part two where the actual ~*/sex/*~ is had but im still on the fence about that. please let me know what you think! i literally crave your interactions so pls dont be shy,,,,,okay love you bye :)

(ps i was so close to naming this Rewrite the Stars but since this has absolutely nothing to do with The Greatest Showman i didn’t. but i was close,,,,so fucking close)

You always knew Jeon Jungkook was destined for great things.

It was written in the stars, your mother had told you after he had first stepped foot into your family-owned grocery store. Your mother didn’t have any special powers, she just had a thing for astrology. While you normally shrugged off her random proclamations about divine intervention and planetary alignments, you found that Jungkook was something you couldn’t ignore or chalk up as your mother’s latest tea leaf reading.

From the moment you set eyes on him you knew he was different. While your family held zero claim to any sort of mystical or magical inclinations, you were well aware of those who did. It was no secret that non-humans roamed the Earth in plain sight, even though it had taken humans eons to realize this. After years of savage wars and civil unrest, agreements had come into place and governing bodies were adjusted to accept the changes that had finally been made. But, this was all before your time. You were the generation that was born into the period of peace, the first children to not experience bloodshed before they could walk. The world you knew now was almost a complete one-eighty of what it had been.

Where before those who were not of human blood had to do everything they could to blend in, now could be free of the shadows. Your classrooms had both humans and non-humans in their rosters. Some of your teachers were hybrids. Curriculum expanded to teach humans about a world that had once been entirely unknown to them. One of your favorite teachers was a witch who regaled your tenth grade class with stories of goblin wars, wizard duels, and vampire covens. All tales that you had once thought were nothing but fiction were now anything but.

Which is why, the second Jeon Jungkook entered the grocery store that your parents owned and that you had worked at since you were old enough to speak in full sentences, you knew who he was. You didn’t even question it.

He was a werewolf. A powerful one. You could see it in the way he carried himself. The purposeful strides he took down the narrow aisles, the confidence in his broad shoulders. Humans weren’t nearly as sensitive as their hybrid counterparts but you also paid attention in your classes. Or, perhaps you were more aware than other humans. Never in your life did you have the issues other faced when meeting a non-human for the first time. You always knew who they were without them having to tell you. You just knew.

So, when Jeon Jungkook stepped up to your register with a bottle of water and some raw beef, you didn’t flinch. Didn’t bend under his dark gaze or shuffle your feet in an awkward attempt to break the silence. Instead, you flashed him your customer service smile and rang up his items. He didn’t say a word as he paid, barely sparing you a second glance as he strode out of the store.

“He’s going to be a great and powerful man,” your mother said in that feathery light voice of hers. “It was written in the stars.”

You couldn’t help but agree.

Jeon Jungkook came into your store everyday for the next month. He bought the same thing every time. A bottle of water and a package of raw beef. The only time he spared you any words was to say thank you or the occasional hello if the sun was shining. Usually, he was alone. Sometimes, he came with a few members of his pack. You liked those days. He smiled a little brighter and talked a little louder when they were around. Especially around Taehyung.

Then, after a month, he didn’t come in. Not for an entire week. From Monday to Sunday, you hadn’t seen a hide nor hair of him. A part of you was worried, so worried that you almost stopped Taehyung in the middle of the street to ask of Jungkook’s whereabouts before realizing how insane that made you look, the other part was chastising yourself for caring. Jeon Jungkook was a customer. Nothing more, nothing less.

The following Monday had come and you had finally stopped glancing at the sliding doors every five minutes. You no longer expected his commanding presence to rock your little world. Instead, you continued your day as if it had been any other. That was, until, Jeon Jungkook stepped through the entrance looking as if he was walking on air. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

“Did you have a good heat?” You asked when he stepped up to your register. Jungkook fumbled the water bottle he had been setting onto the conveyer belt before turning to stare at you.

“What did you just say?”

You didn’t shrink under his intense glare. “I was asking if you enjoyed your heat. Seems like you did.”

“How do you know I was in my rut?”

“Oh, is rut the correct terminology? Sorry, they always interchanged them in class, I was never sure what was appropriate.” You shrugged and rang up his items. “It was kind of obvious, though. You seemed pretty agitated about a week-and-a-half ago, then you disappear for a week, and now you’re back looking happier than ever. If it wasn’t your rut then I want to know where you went on vacation because that’s where I’m heading to next.”

Jungkook laughed. That almost made you jump out of your skin. You had never heard him laugh before. It was throaty, it was deep, and it was wonderful. “I’ll be sure to send you the link to the Airbnb.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

He smirked. “I’m here every day, aren’t I?”

You tilted your head as you accepted the cash he handed to you. “Clearly, you’re not that reliable.”

Jungkook laughed again. It was becoming your new favorite sound. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to appear flaky.”

“You’re forgiven,” you decided as you handed him the plastic bag of his purchases. Teasingly, you added, “just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He flashed you a smile that showed off his sharpened canines. “Don’t worry, darling. I never make the same mistake twice.”

Jeon Jungkook kept his promise. He showed up everyday, like clockwork. Bought the same thing. Arrived at the same time. The only thing that changed was how he treated you. It wasn’t that he treated you badly before, he had always been polite. But now, he talked to you. He asked you questions and answered yours. More often than not, he laughed.

(It had become your favorite sound.)

For three months, this continued. The two of you had settled into a comfortable routine, something you relied on and expected. Until, he changed that.

Until, Jeon Jungkook asked you out on a date.

“What did you just say?”

“Are you free? Tonight?” You glanced around, almost expecting to see some sort of supermodel posing behind you to explain the absolute absurdity of the situation. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for the hidden cameras. I think I’m getting Punk’d.”

Jungkook sighed and placed both hands on the counter that separated the two of you. “Look at me.” You did. Slowly and warily, but you did. “Does it look like I’m lying to you?”

Narrowing your eyes, you regarded him carefully. He seemed serious. But, then again, do you ever really know someone? “I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen you lie before so I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“Fine. Ask me what color my shirt is.”

“What color is your shirt?”

“White,” he deadpanned. You glanced down at his chest. His shirt was black.

“Jungkook!”

He threw his head back and released a full bellied laugh. Even in your exasperation you couldn’t help but soften a little. “I’m sorry, darling. I couldn’t help myself.” Annoyed, you huffed and spun to face the cash register. Stabbing your finger onto the touchscreen, you ignored Jungkook’s obvious presence on the opposite side of the counter. Until his hand reached around the card reader and grasped a hold of your chin. The warmth of his fingers forced your head to turn to meet his.

“Come to dinner with me.” His voice was nothing but a rumble in his chest, his eyes so black and all-consuming you couldn’t do anything but agree with him. He seemed pleased by your response as his fingers tightened against your skin and a grateful smile flicked past his lips. His gaze darted down to your mouth and your breath froze in your chest.

“Are you going to kiss me?”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to?”

“No.” You tried to shake your head but his grip didn’t allow you much movement. He was taken aback by your answer, a small frown tugging at his mouth. You quickly backtracked to fix the situation. “I don’t want our first kiss to be in a grocery store. That’s a new low that I refuse to reach.”

Jungkook chuckled and tapped your chin gently. “Alright, darling. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Again, he kept his promise to you. He showed up at your parents house exactly at seven, wearing a button-down shirt and slacks. The tulips he had gotten for you was thrust into your hands the moment you opened the door. Flashing him a genuine smile, you hurried into the kitchen to set them in water while your mother grilled him on his birth time. You were quick to drag him away, practically throwing him towards the car as you waved goodbye.

“Sorry,” you sighed as Jungkook opened the passenger door for you. “She has a…thing for astrology. She’s probably creating your star map or whatever right now.”

“It’s okay,” he responded once he got into the drivers seat. “It’s sweet of her to care.”

You snorted. “She’s delusional is what she is.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t believe in astrology?”

“Do you?”

Jungkook shrugged as he pulled out of your dirt driveway. He looked so damn attractive behind the wheel it was honestly unfair. “Not really saying I do or don’t. All I know is that there are a lot of things out there that are out of our control. If believing in the stars and planets helps you gain some of that control back, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“God, don’t talk like that in front of my mother. She’ll want to start dating you.”

He grinned and placed a hand on your knee. “Tell her I’m already taken.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond to that. Not that he didn’t give you one, it was just that you literally had nothing to say. With just one sentence he opened the floodgates of your brain and the amount of thoughts that were flying through your conscious was painful. Anxiety fluttered in your stomach and you pressed your lips together to keep you from word vomiting onto him. No, it was better to keep your mouth shut and let the moment pass.

By the time you reached the restaurant you were a trembling mess of nerves. Were you guys dating? You thought this was just a ‘testing the waters’ date, not a ‘you’re my girlfriend now’ date. Did you have to make it Facebook official? You hated that shit.

Jungkook didn’t comment on your obvious distress, though. He merely placed a hand on the small of your back, ignoring how you jerked in surprise, and led you into the quiet bistro. Nodding politely to the hostess who was practically panting at the sight of him (you honestly couldn’t blame her) and pulled out your chair for you. When he sat down, he started talking. Idle chat at first. Commenting on one of the dishes, asking about the college classes you were taking at your local university. Before you realized it, wine was in your glass and your shoulders were loose. Previous nerves forgotten, you lost yourself in Jungkook. You drank, you ate, you laughed, and genuinely enjoyed his company. Honestly, it was the best date you’d ever been on.

“I have to be honest with you,” Jungkook spoke after he finished his raw steak. “I have an ulterior motive for asking you here tonight.”

“Oh,” you mumbled around the shrimp you had just tossed in your mouth. “So…this isn’t a date?”

“No, it is,” Jungkook clarified quickly around a dry chuckle. He seemed…nervous. It put you on edge immediately. “This is definitely a date. And, also, more.”

“More? What, is this a proposal too?” You were joking. A 100% joking. But Jungkook was staring at you so seriously it made you panic. “Jungkook, if you get down on one knee here I swear-”

“I’m not proposing,” he assured you. “This is something more than that.”

“More?” You parroted. Jungkook sighed.

“Do you know what a true mate is?”

Right there, in that quaint little bistro, on a date with quite possibly the most untouchable man you’d ever met, he explained how you were irrevocably his. His true mate, his soulmate.

Jungkook explained everything in great detail, which you appreciated, because honestly, you had no words. He explained how when he was born, the witch who cared for him told his father that his future glared brightly ahead of him, but only when he met his other half. True mates were rare. Mating was common, the wolves in his pack could have multiple mates or a lifelong one, but true mates were destiny. Someone or something out there had forged the two of you together. You were essentially each others other half. He was made for you and you were made for him.

“But…aren’t true mates only for wolves? I thought it’s impossible for a human to be a true mate,” you asked in a shaky voice once Jungkook took a breath.

“It was supposed to be impossible. Until, I met you.” Jungkook stared at you with a sort of reverence that made your entire body blush. “I have no idea how you are. I’ve spent hours researching. I’ve consulted with members of my pack and others. No one knows why.”

“Are you sure, though? I mean…what if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook shook his head. “I visited the witch right after I met you. She took one look at me and told me that I had finally found my true mate. She said she’d never seen a future so bright before.”

You had no words for that. For the first time in your life, you were speechless. Jungkook seemed to understand. He let you sit in silence as he paid for the bill and walked you out to the car. The drive back to your parents house was the same. You couldn’t speak. The shock rendered you stupid.

By the time Jungkook pulled into the driveway you still hadn’t spoken a word to each other. You stepped out of the car before he could open the door for you. Walking up to the porch steps in a trance, you didn’t hear him follow you until he clasped your wrist in his hand. Turning to face him, you were surprised to see his brown eyes so big. They practically sparkled in the moonlight and he looked so soft and sweet you nearly melted into the wood beneath your feet.

“Please,” he whispered. “Can you…just - are you okay? You’ve been so quiet. I’m worried I’ve scared you off or something.”

With that voice, it was impossible to deny him. So, you said the first thing that popped in your head. “Do we have to make it Facebook official?”

Jungkook stared at you before bursting into laughter. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

You blushed and glanced down. “I’m just worried, that’s all. I can’t remember my Facebook password so even if you wanted to change it I don’t think it’ll work.”

“So that’s why you never accepted my friend request,” Jungkook teased. Before you could squeak out a response, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tugged you forward. You kept your arms crossed across your chest but let yourself fall against him.

“Don’t make fun of me,” you whined as you buried your face into his shoulder. He smelled so good, a mixture of pine and spice. “My brain hasn’t worked since you told me I’m yours, so bear with me.”

Jungkook chuckled and gently swayed you from side to side. “Does that mean you’re okay with this? All of this?”

Sighing, you lifted your head up and stepped away from him. Jungkook was not impressed and pulled you back to him. Your heart swelled in your chest and you wrapped your arms around his neck in consolation. “Honestly? I haven’t really processed anything. You’ve had your whole life to come to terms with this. I just found out thirty minutes ago that I’m someone’s soulmate. It’s a lot to take in.”

Jungkook nodded as he tapped his fingers against your hips. “I know. It’s a lot…I’m a lot. I just want you to know that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be with me. I won’t-”

Now it was your turn to burst into laughter. You couldn’t believe those words had left his mouth. It was easily the most absurd thing you’d ever heard. “Jungkook, I want to make something very clear. I have no problem being your true mate. That’s not the issue here. Well, there really isn’t an issue. It’s just…hard to believe, I guess. I have to process that this is my new reality.”

“Really?” Jungkook perked up and looked so fucking cute you couldn’t help but cup his cheeks. His skin was so warm despite the cold autumn air that surrounded you both. “You want to do this? Be with me? Be mine?” All you could do was nod. You were so overwhelmed with emotions. The shock was evident, but a piece of you was so happy. You felt whole.

Jungkook’s face split into a wide smile that caused his nose to scrunch up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and spun you around. Squealing, you slung your legs around his hips and held on. Normally, you’d rather die than show this much affection to someone. But, this was Jungkook. Your soulmate.

“So…what do we do now?” You asked once Jungkook set you down. “Is there, like, a ceremony or something?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted as he stared down at you. He had a hand against your jaw and was rubbing your cheek tenderly. “I really didn’t think I’d get this far.”

You scoffed at his ridiculousness. While recognizing you were Jungkook’s true mate was going to take some time, believing that he thought you’d deny him was utter nonsense. “What if…what if we date, first?” You suggested timidly. “I know that sounds kind of weird considering we’re supposed to be the loves of each others lives. But, I don’t really know you all that well. And, I think this is going to take sometime for me to get used to. Maybe we should date, get to know each other, and just learn how to be with one another.”

“Whatever you want,” Jungkook agreed. “We can do whatever you want. Just as long as I have you, I’m happy.”

Two years passed.

Two blissful, wonderful years. Two years of dating, two years of loving, two years of being Jeon Jungkook’s. It was everything you could’ve asked for and more. You had never felt so loved and cherished in your entire life. He respected you, he took care of you, and most importantly, he was there for you in every sense. Since the moment you met him, you hadn’t been alone. He hadn’t let you. Jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

And, it was the same for him. You were there for him when he transitioned into the leader of his pack. You were there when he took over the CEO position from his father and encouraged and supported him every step of the way. You let yourself be loved and in return he let you love him. It was wonderful.

Except, for one tiny thing.

While the emotional aspect of your relationship flourished and bloomed into something beautiful, the physical side remained stagnant. Make out sessions and heavy petting were a norm in your relationship. At first, it didn’t bother you. In fact, you loved that Jungkook was taking things so slow and so seriously. But, eventually, your needs began to grow. You found yourself wanting him in more ways than one, wants that only he could satisfy. Jungkook refused. Every time.

It wasn’t like he refused your every need. No, Jungkook was extremely attentive. When it came to himself, that’s when things got dicy. He had no problem spending hours between your legs, worshipping you until you were crying from the overstimulation. Yet, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him. Not without lack of trying on your part. The minute your hands went down to his waistband, he pushed you away. Every time you tried to dip your mouth to the obvious bulge in his pants, he lifted you up and kissed you breathless until you forgot your name. It wasn’t until after a year of dating that he finally let you grind on his clothed cock. Even then, he held off until you finished and then walked out with quite possibly the worst case of blue balls. You hated that he did this to himself. The worst part was, you couldn’t understand why.

The one time you had brought it up to him it had resulted in the worst fight the two of you had ever gotten into. It was the only argument that was never really resolved. After the yelling and the tears, all you got out of Jungkook was that mating with a wolf was not pretty. It was extremely dangerous and he refused to put you in that kind of danger. End of discussion. No matter how hard you tried to persuade him or broach the subject, he shut it down. Hard. Eventually, you gave up.

He even spent his ruts away from you. Every three months, he left you for a week. You knew he had a place somewhere up in the mountains and you assumed that’s where he went. You had no idea. There was no point even asking to come along. You loved your boyfriend and didn’t want to purposely give him a heart attack. You hated it when he left. As much as you tried to hide it and convince him that you were just fine, he wasn’t stupid. Being away from him was tough. A piece of you was missing whenever he was gone. And you were only whole again when he returned.

This past week had been one of those weeks. He had left on Sunday for the mountains. He was agitated and clingy, how he normally was pre-rut. Jungkook wouldn’t let you leave his side and you spent most of the weekend on his lap or wrapped in his arms. Not that you minded. When he left your parents house on Sunday night, you’d had to coax him out of the door. Promising him that you’d be okay and that you’d see him next week. It wasn’t until several kisses later did Jungkook finally leave.

While you’d been doing this for two years, it never got easier. More manageable? Sure. But definitely not easier. All you could do was go through the motions. You went to work at the local bakery, came home and helped your mom with dinner, watched TV with your dad before going to bed. Taehyung and Jimin would visit often, threatened by Jungkook to keep you company. While you assured them it wasn’t necessary, you secretly didn’t mind. They made you laugh and made you temporarily forget your boyfriend was miles away from you. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he’d call you to tell you goodnight. But those times were rare. Normally, you didn’t hear from him until Friday or Saturday when he was finally coming out of his rut and returning to the world.

By the time Sunday rolled around, you were a jittery ball of nerves. Not in a bad sense. You were just excited. The anticipation killed you and it took all of your willpower to sit and wait for his text to tell you to come over. Your parents always left you alone on these Sundays, unable to deal with your hyperactiveness and constant fidgeting.

This Sunday was no different. You puttered around your room for the better part of the day. You spent the other part in the kitchen, baking like your life depended on it. Jungkook loved your cookies and you always made sure to come over with at least three batches after his ruts. He always said that was his second favorite part about coming home, after seeing you, of course.

You had just finished packaging the final batch in a glass cookie jar when your phone dinged. You didn’t have to read the message, you knew exactly what it said. Pure joy rushed through your system as you threw on your coat and shouted a hasty goodbye to your parents. Juggling the cookies and car keys, you sprinted to your car. The drive to Jungkook’s was thankfully not long. About ten minutes, as long as you didn’t hit any traffic on the main road. Luck was on your side, though, and you showed up at Jungkook’s house in eight minutes.

Taehyung’s car was in the driveway when you pulled up, which wasn’t odd. Although Jungkook owned the house, the members of his pack were almost always around. While most preferred to travel in their wolf forms, you knew Taehyung and Namjoon preferred cars. Something about being able to listen to their own music without comments from the peanut gallery. You didn’t really understand and didn’t really need to. You had just chalked it up as one of their many quirks.

Carrying the trays of cookies in both hands, you shut your car door with your foot before speed-walking up the stone walkway to Jungkook’s home. The screen door was shut, but the wooden door was swung wide open. You had just reached for the metal handle when you heard it.

A deep, threatening growl ripped through the peaceful quiet and froze you in place. You knew it was Jungkook. While you had only heard it once, you’d never forgotten it. It was when the two of you had attended a party and an alpha from a neighboring pack had cornered you in the hallway. Jungkook had found you cowered against the wall as the other alpha had caged you in. The sound that had left his chest had given you equal parts comfort and fear. Comfort, because he was there and you knew you were safe. Fear, because you could see in the way he bared his teeth and how his muscles vibrated, he had been furious and bloodthirsty.

That’s what you felt now, fear.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

From your vantage point in front of the screen door, you could see directly into the kitchen. Taehyung was leaning against the granite countertop and Jungkook was seated at the island. The tension was so thick you practically choked on it.

“Enough, Taehyung.”

“No,” Taehyung snapped, seeming just as angry as Jungkook. “I’m not dropping it. Not this time.”

“Yes, you will,” Jungkook snarled. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Too fucking bad.” While Taehyung was also an alpha, he acted so much like a beta you never really noticed. Until now. “I’m not going to sit by and watch you do this to yourself anymore. Not spending your ruts correctly is only causing you more harm than good.”

“I’m doing things the way I want to, and it’s working-”

“The hell it is!” Jungkook growled at the interruption but Taehyung ignored him. “It’s not working, and you know it. Anyone with two fucking eyes knows it. It’s getting so bad that the pack is noticing, too. Even Namjoon has realized something is wrong, and he’s as oblivious as they come.”

“If they have a problem with me they can take it up with me.”

“No, they can’t. Because you won’t listen. Your head is so far up your ass you can’t even hear yourself anymore. What you’re doing right now is not working. Something needs to change.”

“Like what?” Jungkook spat.

“You know what,” Taehyung bit back. Jungkook was practically vibrating from rage. You knew you needed to go get someone, someone from the pack to calm the two of them down. Things were only escalating, but you couldn’t move. Your brain screamed at you to run but your legs were rooted in place. “That’s is what’s so frustrating, Jungkook. This, all of this, could be solved. She’s right there-”

“Don’t.” Jungkook stood up so fast the chair he sat on flew backwards and hit the wall with a resounding crack.

“Why?” Taehyung threw his arms up in the air. “Why not? I don’t get it-”

“Because I don’t want her!” Jungkook yelled, the force of it rang throughout the house. You had no idea who the she was that they were referring to. You assumed it was someone from the pack. It was well-known that wolves with human mates sometimes turned to other she-wolves to help with their ruts. You figured that’s what Jungkook did whenever he went away for a week. It had bothered you at first, but you knew he had his needs and that they were at a biological level. You refused to make him feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of himself.

“You don’t want her?” Taehyung was enraged. You could tell by the way he straightened his spine and unfurled himself to his full height. Jungkook bristled in response and the muscles in his back strained against the thin material of his shirt.

“No, I don’t!” Jungkook exploded. “What don’t you understand about that? I don’t want her around me. I don’t need her, I’m fine on my own. The thought of having her there when…God - it makes me physically ill.”

“She’s your girlfriend. Above all of that, your true mate. You’re seriously going to deny yourself of her, for what? Just because you don’t like having her around?”

Oh.

That’s when it hit you. They weren’t talking about some random she-wolf. They were talking about you. You were the one Jungkook didn’t want. You were the one Jungkook didn’t need. You were the one he didn’t like having around. As the weight of the words sunk into your mind, you felt your chest becoming tighter and tighter.

Then, you’re heart broke right in half. You dropped the container of cookies and didn’t flinch when it shattered against the wooden slats. The sound unstuck your feet from their position on the porch and your fight or flight system took over. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and ran.

You didn’t know if anyone was behind you, you didn’t turn around to check. Hands fumbled for the car door as you threw yourself into the drivers side. Pain ricocheted throughout your chest cavity and you struggled to breathe. Your brain was blank, the only thing your mind did was move your body to get you somewhere safe. You had to leave and you had to leave now.

Miraculously, your fingers found your keys and inserted them into the ignition on the second try. A flutter of movement occurred to the left of you but your eyes didn’t let you look that way. Instead, they focused on the rearview mirror as you reversed out of the driveway. Your right hand found the gearshift and moved it to drive. Soon, you were tearing down the street as your ears refused to register the agonized howls that echoed behind as you kept staring forward. Adrenaline pumped through your system and your body shivered in response, the splash of hormones had created a blanket of fake calm over you. The emotions, the pain, the thoughts were swirling inside of you, ready to break free and drown you, but your brain wouldn’t allow it.

It wasn’t until you reached the end of your long driveway that you felt the original spike of adrenaline fade away. Your mother was in the front, tending to the flowers, and looked up when she saw your car fly into its usual spot. She stood up and her face twisted into a frown when you got out of your seat.

“Honey, your aura…it’s concerning.” The blanket was yanked away and the pain crashed over you.

You couldn’t say a word, all you could do was collapse in your mother's arms and cry, cry, cry.

It took you two days to calm down. The tears had stopped rolling and your shoulders no longer shook from trying to hold your sobs behind your teeth. Your mother hadn’t left your side, leaving your father to answer the door whenever someone knocked. The only person who did was Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook never showed up.

Well, that was a lie.

Jungkook did show up every morning and night, without fail. But he never came to your doorstep.  Instead, he was in the woods behind your house, patrolling, not daring to leave the protection of the forest. A part of you wondered if he was respecting your obvious need for space or if your mother had paid a witch to set up boundary lines that didn’t allow him to cross. Either way, you were grateful that you couldn’t see him. There was an incessant tugging in your heart to be near him but you staunchly ignored it, which would’ve been impossible if you saw his achingly beautiful face.

I don’t want her. I don’t need her. Having her there makes me physically ill. Those three sentences played in a constant loop in your head, like a horror movie you couldn’t escape from. You were the protagonist who couldn’t escape the maze, but the villain wasn’t kind enough to kill you off. No matter what you did, your brain wouldn’t stop repeating those three sentences. Your mother burned sage, she pressed crystals into your palms, she muttered ritual after ritual, but nothing worked.

You hated how affected you were. You had always told yourself that you would never be the girl who’d get so wrapped up in someone else they didn’t know who they were anymore. Independence was something you prided yourself on, but you seemed to be at a complete loss now. You couldn’t stop the waves of sadness and self-hatred at your depressed state. It was amazing how empty you felt yet so full of pain at the same time. Your mind and heart couldn’t seem to decide which hurt worse; your heart for having your soulmate so obviously reject you, or your brain for trying to make sense of the situation. When did this happen? How did this happen? How had you been so blind as to not see it?

“I don’t think we’re soulmates,” you rasped to your mom on the third morning. It had been the first words you had spoken to her since you had fell into her arms. She looked up from the bundle of herbs she was smoking.

“Why do you say that?”

You stared at your hands that had curled in on themselves. “I don’t make him happy. I-I never realized how uncomfortable I made him. I wish I had known. How did I miss it?”

Your mother tutted gently and gathered you in her arms. She smelled of lavender and wax. “This is good. I’m glad you’re letting yourself have this moment. Let’s sit in this and allow yourself to be embedded here.” But you didn’t want to have this moment. You didn’t want to have any moment and you’ve felt enough to last a lifetime. Instead, you rolled over, let sleep overtake you and tried to ignore the distant howling that rattled your window pane.

By nightfall of the fourth day, you were forced out of bed. Partly by choice, partly by force. Your parents had dipped out to run to the grocery store, despite your mother’s insistence that she could stay. You and your father managed to convince her to leave and you had gotten up to wave them goodbye. Sure, your heart was broken, but the least you could do was kiss them on the cheek before they left. You had turned around to shuffle into the kitchen to try and shovel something down your dry throat when a loud knock sounded at the front door. Hesitating, you carefully peeked through the kitchen window and saw Jimin on your front doorstep, dressed in all black.

Sighing, you stumbled over and pulled the door open. You figured you couldn’t avoid them for much longer. “Hey, Jimin.”

“Christ, you look like shit.”

You huffed out a laugh as Jimin stared at you in horror, not having the energy to be offended. You also knew, in a weird way, that this was Jimin’s way of caring for you. “Yeah. My mother’s covered all the mirrors in the house.”

Jimin nodded as he glanced at you from head to toe. “I want to ask if you’re okay but…” He gestured to your gaunt frame swaddled in a heavy sweatshirt and sweatpants. For the first time in two years, they were your own clothes, not Jungkook’s.

“I’m fine, Jimin,” you heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the doorframe. “Do you want to come in? I think my mom boiled some tea not too long ago.”

Jimin shook his head. “Can’t. Jungkook would have a fit if I got that close to you right now. I’m already pushing my luck just by showing up.” He doesn’t care, you thought bitterly, and almost said it out loud but you caught yourself at the last second. Jimin wasn’t stupid, though. He knew what you were thinking. “Hey,” he murmured, eyes going soft, “are you ready to talk about it?”

“No.” You shook your head. A wave of sadness washed over you but the telltale prick of tears didn’t come.

Jimin understood. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he rocked back onto his heels. “Are you going to talk to him?”

Letting out a heavy breath, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I know I have to. I just…I just need time.”

“Take however long you need.”

It was another 48-hours before you finally snapped. While you had spent the majority of the two days that had passed to make yourself resemble a human being, you couldn’t focus. You couldn’t move on. Why?

Because Jungkook wouldn’t leave you alone.

His presence was constant. He circled your house every hour of ever day, the large shadow of him in wolf form darkened the trees behind your house. The howling had stopped but the pacing hadn’t. You hoped he was at least sleeping, but then you got annoyed at yourself for caring. You didn’t know why he was out there, it made no sense. Jungkook’s words were so different from his actions it made your head spin.

But, you needed to move on with your life. You had to. The only way it was going to happen was if Jungkook did too. It hurt. God, did it hurt. Yet, as sad and utterly pathetic as it sounded, you were used to the pain at this point, had resigned yourself to it. A part of you worried you wouldn’t know what to do without it.

Shaking off that depressing thought, you tugged on your rain boots and stepped outside for the first time in a week. The air was heavy with the promise of rain, the clouds low and gray. You tugged the hood up on your sweater to prevent your hair from completely frizzing out before you walked to down the back deck steps.

The backyard of your parents house was expansive. The home you had grown up in sat on top of a sloping hill that your mother had turned into her personal greenhouse. You stepped past rows of raised garden beds and pruned plants until you reached the line where the neatly mowed grass met the twisted ferns of the forest floor. As you had suspected, the ground was scorched with the evidence of past rituals. While your mother hadn’t out right admitted, you had figured someone had come and created a boundary line. It was obviously specific to Jungkook since Jimin and Taehyung were still able to visit. While your mother’s methods were extreme, you understood. As difficult as it was to move on with your life with Jungkook sequestered to the forest, you couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if he was within a few feet of you.

With a deep inhale, you sat down on the damp grass and waited. After a few minutes, you could hear the faint sounds of paws hitting the wet earth. The galloping got louder and louder until there was a momentary stretch of silence before it changed to footsteps.

When Jungkook emerged from the trees, you weren’t prepared. Although you knew you wouldn’t be, you still weren’t expecting it to hurt this bad. Your chest squeezed painfully at the first look of his broad form. Technically, it had been two weeks since you two had truly seen each other, the longest you’d ever gone. What hurt the most was how badly you longed for him. You wanted nothing more than to run straight into his arms, bury your face into his chest, and forget everything. Just forgive and give your heart what it wanted. But you remained firmly in place.

Jungkook looked as if he had seen a ghost. Which, to be fair, was probably true since you hadn’t seen the sun in seven days. His normally golden skin was pale and even from where you sat you could see the dark circles bruising under his eyes. Clearly, he hadn’t been sleeping. You hated that you noticed. You hated that you cared. He was dressed in all black and his chest strained against the material of his sweater. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side and the sight reminded you of why you were here.

“Hi.” Probably wasn’t the best start but it was the best you could do. Jungkook didn’t respond so you soldiered on. “I-I know you don’t want to be here, so I’ll make this quick. I just…wanted to apologize. I had no idea I made you so uncomfortable. I’m not sure how long you’ve felt this way about me, not that it really matters, but I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe things would’ve been easier for you, who knows.” You released a heavy sigh and tried to shove down the stone in your throat as you forced the next words out of your mouth. “But, all of that doesn’t matter anymore. I think I understand what you need, now. I know you loved me at one point, but I’m obviously not what you need anymore. And…t-that’s okay - I swear it is. All I want is for you to be happy, Jungkook. And I think, in order for that to happen, I need to move on. We both need to move on-”

“Stop it,” Jungkook broke in with a harsh voice that cut your sentence in half. “Stop talking.”

It felt like he had slapped you in the face. A wave of humiliation washed over you and you visibly flinched. Staggering to your feet, you locked your gaze onto your boots in an attempt to hide the tears that dripped down your nose. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, not expecting it to change anything. You began to turn away but Jungkook stopped you in your tracks, again.

“Wait, no - stop. Stop. Please…don’t go,” he pleaded. When you turned around, his eyes were frantic. Jungkook’s hand was raised from his side as if he thought about reaching out to you but something stopped him. His words were at war with one another and you were caught in the middle, at a loss for what he was trying so desperately to convey to you.

“Jungkook, I’m so confused.”

“I know. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Jungkook tucked his head into his hands before dropping down into a squat. “This is all wrong. This is all so wrong.”

You knew you should walk away. You had said your piece, it was time to move on, just as you had said. Yet, you couldn’t. It was as if your heart was tethered to him and your body couldn’t handle the pain of walking away. “Listen-”

“I don’t know what to do.” He cut you off but the bubbles of anger that had risen from being interrupted popped once you saw how lost he looked. His tattooed fingers threaded through his hair, allowing you to see the pure anguish that twisted his features. “Whenever I feel like this, I come to you. Because you always know what to do. Any situation, no matter what, you can handle it. It’s something I’ve always admired about you.”

The way he spoke to you now, so reverently and so full of awe, made your head spin. Nothing made sense.  It was such a blatant contrast to the brutality that he had spat out a week ago. As much as you wanted to believe what he said now, those stupid words could not get out of your head. It was a constant reminder that never shut up.

“I don’t know what to do either,” you admitted in a quiet voice.

“Tell me,” Jungkook begged, as if he couldn’t and refused to comprehend what you had just told him. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give you.”

You were shaking your head before he could finish. “There’s nothing you can do, Jungkook. Nothing.”

“Don’t say that.” He stared at you, horrified. “Don’t say that to me. Please, there has to be something.”

“What could there be?” You cried. Tears streamed down your cheeks now. “You said it yourself, being near me makes you sick. Why would I stay? Why would you want me to? I refuse to make you uncomfortable anymore - so that’s that.”

“It isn’t,” Jungkook argued back. “It can’t be. I-I can’t lose you, I can’t. I need to make this right, please just let me. Please.”

But, you were tired. You were so fucking tired. You were exhausted of the emotional rollercoaster that you were on that you just wanted to crawl away and hide. All the fight seeped out of you as your shoulders slumped forward. Jungkook saw this and the blood drained from his face. You were giving up, he could see it, and it scared the shit out of him.

“Jungkook, I need to go, okay? I-I can’t do this.”

“No!” Jungkook shouted and shot up to his feet. The pure panic that choked his voice brought on a fresh set of tears that you struggled to hold back. “Just let me explain, okay? I swear to God, after you hear what I have to say, if you still want me to, I’ll let you go. I won’t fight you on it. But, please let me tell you the truth. Give me a chance to make this right. You deserve that.”

You hesitated for a moment. Deep down, you knew you should let him talk. Not because you necessarily thought he deserved to, but because he was right. You did deserve the truth, no matter how much it broke your heart. With a heavy sigh and a quick swipe of your cheeks, you nodded. Once Jungkook was sure you weren’t going to leave, he began pacing. Looking every bit like the wild animal you knew him to be but never got to see.

“Mating with a werewolf is…brutal. It’s intense, it’s painful and it isn’t pretty. It’s essentially a breeding session where I use you as a vessel to fulfill my innate biological needs. It’s not romantic, it’s not gentle. Even for she-wolves it can be too much. The thought of subjecting you to something like that - that type of pain…I couldn’t fathom it. I don’t think you understand just how precious you are to me. The image of you being battered and bruised because of me, something I did…it tormented me, day and night.” He paused for a moment, the pained look in his eyes made you shiver. You hated that he had gone through all of this turmoil on his own, and you especially hated how you never made more of an effort to try and relieve him of it.

“I couldn’t do it. That’s partially the reason I waited so long to tell you that you were my true mate. I knew ruts were something I would never expose you to even though it’s such a huge part of my life, a wolf’s life.” Jungkook looked you straight in the eye, the intensity of his dark gaze took your breath away. “I know the practices other wolves partake in when their own heats or ruts arrive. I know you know them too. But, I need you to understand something. The moment you allowed me to be yours and vice versa, I haven’t had anyone else since. I swear on my life, I’ve spent every single one of my ruts alone. I wouldn’t and I won’t do that to you.”

“Isn’t that painful, though?” Your voice cracked but neither one of you acknowledged it. While your knowledge on ruts were expansive, having done plenty of research since being with Jungkook, you had obviously never experienced one.

“It’s manageable. It’s way more painful for a she-wolf to go through her heat alone than it is for a male.” Jungkook clenched and unclenched his fists as he resumed his pacing. “The worst part is being away from you. I’ve been going through ruts since puberty, I can handle them. But not being able to be with you for a whole week…I hated it. Still do. I dread that three month mark. And as time went on, I became more and more miserable. Being apart from you was almost unbearable but the other option…I never even allowed myself to consider it.

“It came to the point where the pack was noticing. I wasn’t getting the proper pheromonal release from my ruts and it was beginning to affect those around me. Taehyung has been on my ass for months now to get over myself and take you with me during my next rut. Each time I’d give him some excuse, but it was getting harder and harder to justify what I was doing. At first, I was convinced it was because I was protecting you. But you’ve been so understanding and so patient with me and my life, those excuses were becoming useless. Eventually, I think it was because I was protecting myself. I was - am - so scared. I’m terrified that I could hurt you when I’m like that. That I wouldn’t be able to notice or worse, ignored, if something happened to you. Living with that type of fear became debilitating. So, I just kept my mouth shut and kept you away from that part of me.”

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “Now I know that was the worst possible thing I could do. That I was just hurting you more. What you walked into last Sunday was a culmination of my frustrations that I was refusing to deal with. While it’s not a valid reason, I’m well aware of that, I need you to know that what you heard was not the truth. It couldn’t be further from it. Because the truth is that I’m hopelessly in love with you and the thought of being without you hurts worse than I ever thought was possible.”

It wasn’t the first nor would it be the last time that Jungkook left you speechless. It took you a full minute to process what he had said. Jungkook granted you the silence although he became increasingly more agitated as time passed. His boots scuffed the dead leaves that littered the ground and his pacing led him closer to the ashes that lay before your feet. Then, he’d suddenly stalk off with a growl as he was forced to keep away.

“I-” you cleared your throat around the lump that had found a home there. “I had no idea. This whole time…I thought it was because you didn’t want me.”

“God, no.” Jungkook swore heavily as his muscles bunched and coiled beneath his clothes. “The - the fact that…you - fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s not it, that’s not it at all. You’re my dream girl, you’re the love of my life, and I want you every second of every day.”

Maybe it’s because you were emotionally drained and had no mental strength left. Maybe, you needed to hear those words from Jungkook more than you realized. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t worth trying to figure out an explanation as you sunk to the ground and burst into tears.

Jungkook lost it across from you. Broken whines stained the air as he carded through his hair anxiously. He kept trying to get to you, to try to soothe you. But the boundary was unfortunately doing its job and each attempt was met with failure. Curses were spat out until eventually, he got as close as the boundary would let him and fell to his knees. He began spewing whatever came to mind first, unsure of what to do. All he knew was that you were crying because of him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He thought hearing you cry from your bedroom window was torture, but nothing could compare to hearing you break down in front of him. Nothing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sorry…please, I’m so sorry. I - don’t cry, darling. Please don’t. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, I swear.”

It wasn’t tears of heartbreak that leaked from your eyes. Instead, it was tears of relief. While your heart had wholly accepted his words as the truth, the logical part of you reminded yourself that the two of you had way more talking to do. This was far from over, but the relief of knowing that he loved you and he was yours…it was indescribable.

You finally lifted your head up and were shocked to find Jungkook’s cheeks glistening with moisture. Your only thought was to comfort him as you scrambled forward to do just that. Instead of feeling his smooth skin against the palm of your hand, you were blocked by what felt like a wall although nothing stood in your way. Frowning, you realized with a start that the boundary worked both ways. Jungkook let out a frustrated growl as he glared at the ashes that was stopping both of you from getting what you wanted. It was silent for a few moments until an idea popped into your head.

“Wait here,” you announced before jumping up and taking off for the house. Ignoring Jungkook’s distressed cry, you ran inside. You yanked your car keys off from their designated hook and quickly typed out a text to your parents to let them know where you were going before spinning around and sprinting back outside. Jungkook was where you left him, although he stumbled to his feet when he saw you reappear.

“I’m going to your house,” you announced, breathless. “No witch is stupid enough to go that far into werewolf territory. If you want to talk to me there, then follow me.”

Jungkook stared at you for a heartbeat until the words you spoke clicked. “Y-yeah. Yes. Okay. I’ll be there.”

With a curt nod, you ran to your car. For the first time in a week, a faint sprout of hope bloomed in your chest.

It was the longest and shortest ten minutes of your life. The drive to Jungkook’s seemed to last a lifetime but also was over within a blink of an eye. The tears had stopped flowing by the time you pulled your car into his driveway, but you felt the telltale prick in your eyes when you saw him burst from the trees. Your heart ached as his long legs ate up the distance between you two as you wrestled with your seatbelt and threw the car into park. By the time you freed yourself, he was at the hood of your car.

The two of you stared at each other for a few breathless moments. You weren’t sure who moved first, but it didn’t matter as you crashed into each other’s arms. The moment his searing warmth enveloped you, you dissolved into another puddle of sobs. The feeling of his thick arms banded across your back, his torso molded to yours, and his hair tickling your ear, felt so right. Another wave of crippling relief washed over you and you practically melted against Jungkook. But he held you up, just like he always had.

He leaned against the front bumper while his hands were everywhere. Cradling your head into his neck, smoothing over your hips, or running circles over your shoulders. He was crying, you could feel the tears dampening your hair. But you were soaking his shirt so no one was in any position to complain.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t,” Jungkook hissed fiercely as he squeezed you tighter. “Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, not in the slightest.”

“Kook,” you sighed and pulled your head back to get a good look at him. “It takes two to tango.”

“Not this time,” he argued. “You’ve put up with so much. You’re everything I could’ve asked for and more. It was my own fears that got in the way and created this mess. And I’m so sorry for that, darling. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You shushed him gently, running your thumbs over his cheeks to swipe at the dried tears. “I know you’re sorry. I believe you.”

Jungkook dipped his head further into your touch with a pleased rumble vibrating through his chest. He kissed your palm gently, sniffing at your wrist. It made you giggle. “Missed that,” Jungkook mumbled as he stared at you with stars in his eyes. “Missed you. Missed you so much.”

A fresh wave of tears cascaded down your cheeks. You were positive that you looked like a mess, hair in a knotted bun, face red and puffy and you kept sniffling every two seconds. But Jungkook looked at you as if you held the world in your hands. “Missed you too,” you murmured in return. “Please, next time, just talk to me. I may not have the answers you’re looking for all the time, but I’ll always be here to listen.”

“I know,” Jungkook whispered. “There won’t be a next time, promise. If I happen to be stupid enough to put us in this position again, I give you full permission to punch me in the face.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You lifted yourself onto your toes to brush your lips against his, dropping back down to your feet when his head chased after yours. “Or maybe I just won’t kiss you for a week.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened comically and he actually looked terrified. “I’d rather you just punched me in the face.” You tilted your head back and laughed. Jungkook tugged you closer and nosed your throat before peppering gentle kisses along the exposed skin. Sighing happily, you tilted your head to allow him better access and rested your cheek on his shoulder.

“I love you,” you said quietly. Jungkook froze for a split second before he sank against you. Squeaking in shock, you scrambled to brace yourself against the sudden weight pressing you towards the house.

“Say it again,” Jungkook pleaded. You couldn’t deny him. Dusting feather light kisses to the shell of his ear, you repeated those three words again, and again, and again. Each time you did, Jungkook held you a little tighter and cried a little harder.

Eventually, you’re murmured promises became softer and softer until the two of you just enjoyed each others presence. “C’mon,” you finally whispered as you started to lift yourself off of him. Jungkook growled and refused to let you move an inch farther. “Kook, come on. Let’s go inside. Your ass must be numb by now.”

“Don’t care,” he grumbled but he at least shuffled forward a bit more so that your combined weight wasn’t squashing his ass against your car.

“You might say that now, but you won’t be saying that later.”

Jungkook grunted at your logic but he at least raised his head and looked at you with the sweetest eyes. “Please tell me you’re staying.”

Giggling, you asked, “do you want me to?”

“Obviously,” he scoffed. “I want you here forever.” Jungkook tilted his head thoughtfully. “Actually, you should just move in with me.”

Christ, this boy was going to give you whiplash. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Jungkook, we just made up. The whole reason we were in this mess is because of poor communication. Don’t you think we should work on that first before anything else?”

“But…we could work on communication all the time if we’re together 24/7.” Despite his pout, you knew he wasn’t totally serious. Although you were sure it was going to come up again.

“Alright, you maniac,” you said fondly. “Take me to bed.” Jungkook’s chest rumbled happily as he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his trim waist.

It wasn’t a long walk to his bedroom, but the exhaustion of the past week caught up to you and the gentle rocking of his steps lulled you into a serene state. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. You were aware when Jungkook placed you on his bed, practically engulfed in his scent. The last thing you remember before falling asleep was the words Jungkook pressed into your hair has he slid in behind you.

“Love you forever, my darling girl.”

©jcwritings Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

LINKS:

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[in-tua-deep]

Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

[vampiricci]

hey i have a question. if u had to get rid of one twilight character, who would it be? i’m asking a bunch of people cuz i’m interested in u guys opinions.

JASPER MOTHERFUCKING HALE

Someone else brought up a really good point that every single aspect of his character can be given to the other characters easily.

Southern gentleman? Emmett could be that. His power could have been Esme’s since her entire character is being compassionate and loving, it would make sense for her to be intensely empathetic in her human life, which could easily become her vampiric gift. Battle strategy against newborns could be Carlisle’s domain since he's been around the longest and has studied vampire physiology from the perspective of a doctor.

Jasper is the only vampire in the coven that could be perceived as a more typical vampire in his bloodthirst, which could be a trait given to Edward, given his vigilante years, Emmett due to his general apathy regarding human life, if someone in the family “makes a mistake” he doesn't really care (seen in midnight sun), or even Alice. She only had her visions to guide her and knew she would eventually end up with the Cullens, and just because she sees her potential in vegetarian vampirism doesn't mean she always complied by those rules.

Jasper barely appears in the story, he's just there occasionally to bring serenity into a tense situation and does fuckall the rest of the time. He only becomes a major aspect to the plot in Eclipse, though his presence is largely undermined by the central focus on the love triangle. He's honestly a bland and underdeveloped character and doesn't add much to the plot.

It's granted to say this but Meyer including a confederate in her story and not addressing any issues within that aspect of his character is incredibly concerning and honestly has zero value in his storyline. It's worthless racist horseshit and Jasper is essentially devoid of value in the series entirely. His presence only serves to be problematic.

[delicioussshame]

Socialite AU, last part! I finished a thing! Also posted on AO3 now that it’s done.

Shen Yuan had expected that the beginning of the school year would have kept Luo Binghe too busy for them to see each other more than, oh, about once a month, but it doesn’t seem to be the case. Luo Binghe is obviously very smart, so maybe that’s why he can keep up so easily. His studies sure don’t seem to stop him from having Shen Yuan over at least once a week.

Luo Binghe says it’s because he cannot trust Shen Yuan to feed himself properly, something Shen Yuan himself has profusely denied. First, he’s a fully grown adult, he can cook! Second, if he doesn’t feel like it, he can order in, or pay someone to cook for him. There are no issues there! He doesn’t need to be minded.

Not that he minds being minded. Shen Yuan has eaten more than his share of delicious food, and Luo Binghe’s stands above the rest. There are worst things than travelling to Luo Binghe’s apartment and eating a freshly cooked meal.

They don’t talk about novels as much though. This is an area where Luo Binghe had to step back in favor of reading assigned manuals. Shen Yuan has spent more than one evening reading trash by himself while Luo Binghe sat nearby, throwing the occasional question his way as he studied. Not that it seemed like he needed the help.

When does he see his college friends, Shen Yuan has no idea. Luo Binghe always waves away any concern of his on this matter. Seriously, Shen Yuan is a bit worried. Does he not fit in? It seems impossible that someone as charming, not to mention as affluent, as him would be ostracised. Even Shen Yuan had managed to gather a small group of friends during his college years. Luo Binghe must have done the same, no?

If he hasn’t, his fellow students are missing out.

In that case, Shen Yuan will take him out it their place. It wouldn’t do for Binghe to be lonely.

Not that that’s likely, considering how popular he is in their circle. As far as his female compatriots are concerned, Luo Binghe is now Beijing’s most eligible bachelor.

It’s a role that suits Luo Binghe’s public persona to a tee. He flutters between ladies as if he were born into in, flirting with one and laughing with another one with an ease Shen Yuan cannot help but envy, considering his own limited contacts with the other sex.

If those interactions often ended with a pretend fight between them, neither of them would complain about it. It was fun. Much better than insulting real people and wondering later if he’d gone too far, if he’d seriously hurt someone whose crime had only been to be born in a shitty family and raised in a similarly shitty fashion. He and Binghe sometimes rehearsed lines late into the night before a party, sentences that were meant to be biting insults turning into uncontrollable laughter.

Everything was going well. Shen Yuan’s reputation was becoming so toxic it had been weeks since the last time one of his fellow socialites had dared to speak to him, which is how Shen Yuan liked it. As for Luo Binghe, he was both admired for standing up to mean Shen Yuan, and pitied for always being the receptor of his ire. Binghe was more than talented enough to use all of it to his advantage.

All in all, everything was going perfectly.

Until now. “Excuse me?” says Shen Yuan with the coldest, most disparaging tone he has managed yet.

Sha Hualing, sadly, doesn’t seem impressed. “You can deny it all you want. It’s obvious. It must drive you crazy, seeing him with us and knowing you’ll never have a chance. He’s so good, too. Made me scream so loud I’m sure the neighbors heard. Not that you’ll ever find out yourself. Keep pulling his pigtails. He knows, he’s just too nice to tell how pathetic you are.”

Shen Yuan cannot convey to Sha Hualing how utterly from left field her theory is, and how completely baffled he is, without breaking his carefully maintained aura of disgusted condescension, but he really wishes he could. “You’re insane. How could I be attracted to… that.” He winces in his head. Too much? There are probably zero people that don’t feel at least a little attracted to Luo Binghe in this room.

But if there was one, it would be him. Luo Binghe is his cute disciple and friend, not his meal ticket. Leave that to Sha Hualing and her posse.

Her answering laugh is haughty. “Not even you believe that. Anyway, I just wanted to rub it in, but now that that’s done, I got better things to do than talking to you, like him. Fuck off.”

He flips her off as she leaves. Not his most elegant moment, but not the most elegant situation.

How the fuck did she get into her sick mind that he was into Luo Binghe. She should have thought they hated each other! That they wanted to tear each other’s throats open, not tear each other’s clothes off!

… Holy fuck their characters have ust, haven’t they? Danmei isn’t his playing field, but some things are universal across gender. There is an undeniable pull to seeing two hot people seeming like they’re two seconds away from punching each other when it also seems like they might be two seconds away from… something else.

It’s the only possible interpretation. They haven’t been careful enough, and now their roles are tainted by bad tropes!

Shen Yuan is going to have to adapt his persona a bit. Let himself run even colder. Less hate, more indifference, maybe? Or maybe he could just leave Luo Binghe alone for a few parties.

It wouldn’t work! It would seem like he chickened out after Sha Hualing confronted him! It would make it appear weak!

Could he make up a girlfriend?

Nah, no one would believe it.

Fuck, he’s going to need Luo Binghe’s help on this one.

_________________

“She what!?”

“Thinks I keep picking fights with you because I’m trying to get your attention and that I’d really like for you to bend me over something, probably.”

Luo Binghe blushes bright red.

Shen Yuan restrains his mirth. Nice to see he’s not the only one terribly embarrassed by the situation!

Yes, pinching those red cheeks would only make things worse, but he’s still very tempted.

Shen Yuan soldiers on. “Binghe shouldn’t worry about things too much. His reputation is safe. Considering how well he gets on with the fairer sex,” and yes, now Shen Yuan knows way more than he ever wanted to know about Sha Hualing’s sex life, but that’s life,” no one will doubt him. If he has no idea, I’ll think of something. It’s not his problem.”

“Shizun’s problems are my problems! He wouldn’t be in this situation if it wasn’t for me!”

Aww, Binghe, why is your indignation so cute!” Don’t blame yourself. We both agreed to the plan. It’s no one’s fault.”

Luo Binghe looks down, obviously still embarrassed. “I really have no idea where she got that. Shizun never appears to be attracted to me.”

“Who knows how Sha Hualing thinks. She probably watches too much porn.” He wouldn’t be surprised, considering how low-class she acted.

A second later, he catches his mistake. If Luo Binghe is… seeing her, he shouldn’t be that mean to her in his presence. “Sorry for insulting your… friend.” He doesn’t think they’re officially dating? Sha Hualing would never shut up about it, and anyway Luo Binghe wouldn’t have as much time for Shen Yuan if he was serious about someone. It’s probably just hormones raging.

Luo Binghe shakes his head. “Shizun shouldn’t apologise! She’s the one who was this rude! Implying Shizun doesn’t know how to court someone, or that he’d need such a ridiculous approach when a few words would be enough for him to have anyone! What a stupid woman.”

It’s Shen Yuan’s turn to be embarrassed. Luo Binghe is pushing the hero worship a little too far here. He’s got way more experience in that department than Shen Yuan will ever get, probably. “Well, if you don’t like her, maybe choose someone better as a partner? You could have anyone. I know it’s none of my business, and I guess she’s attractive, but really, so are many others who don’t share her… fiery temperament.”

If he were honest, he’d just tell Binghe he deserves better.

Much, much better. Didn’t he see her chatting with Liu Mingyan the other day? Now that’s a woman worthy of his Binghe, almost his equal in all fields.

Not that he needs to find someone just yet. He should take his time, and find someone he likes.

Luo Binghe snorts. “I would never choose her.”

Shen Yuan blinks. “Didn’t you?”

Luo Binghe looks wounded. “Why would you think that? I would never be with someone this cruel to Shizun!”

“But she said… oh.” Shen Yuan is an idiot. Why, why did he, even for a second, believe what that snake said? “Binghe must let me apologise. I’ve been stupid and have believed her when she said you and her were… involved.”

“Shizun mustn’t believe her! She lies!”

Shen Yuan pats Luo Binghe’s back gently. “I don’t! I don’t. She lied. I don’t believe her anymore. Of course Binghe has better tastes than this. I should have known.”

Luo Binghe raises his chin. “I do. I have the best tastes.”

Shen Yuan lets a smile appears on his face. “You do. After all, you have chosen me to guide you.”

Luo Binghe nods with almost comical vigour. “Yes!”

So! Cute! Shen Yuan wants to give him a hug!

He won’t, because he’s the dignified older friend.

Who reads bad online novels, but let’s not linger on that. “So, what do we do about her imagination? Because she cannot keep a secret to save her life, so I expect people will talk about it the next time we attend the same event.”

“…Does Shizun want… a girlfriend?”

What does that have to do with anything. “If I meet the right person, sure. Why?”

“Does it matter what they think? They never cared about Shizun to begin with. Who cares if they think he’s attracted to me. It doesn’t change a thing.”

Well, yes, but. “It makes me look pretty pathetic. It’s not exactly a fun reputation to have.”

“What does?”

“That I want someone and the best thing I can do about it is insulting them? It does make me look like a kindergartener.”

An unholy light appears in Luo Binghe’s eyes. “So what if that wasn’t the best thing you had done?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Shizun feels pathetic because he doesn’t like the idea that people think he wants someone and he doesn’t know how to get them, right? But what if he did?”

Shen Yuan is very confused right now. “Binghe?”

“We knew each other before that first party, right? So I let them know that. We could be bitter exes!”

Shen Yuan looks at him, completely frozen. “Binghe, no.” That is 100% a terrible idea.

“Why not? It would explain everything! Why we’re so mean to each other while I’m nice to everyone else, why you’re worst to me, and why there’s tension between us!”

There is no tension between them! They’re playing characters! “People would think you’re gay!”

“I’ve been flirting with women all the time. People would think I’m bi.”

“You’ve just told me you haven’t been dating! What if they think you’re hung up on me, who, by the way, is a man!”

“Is it that bad? I wouldn’t mind. Shizun is someone I would certainly be hung on if he had left me.”

“So I’m the one who left you now? That makes even less sense! Why would someone like me leave someone like you! Of course Binghe is the one who left!”

“If I were dating Shizun, I would never leave him! He has to be the one who left me!”

Shen Yuan rubs his temples. He knew the conversation wouldn’t be simple, but it has reached unprecedented levels of nonsense. “Let’s forget who left who. We’re not doing that. Binghe would ruin his reputation to only slightly better mine. That makes no sense.”

Luo Binghe pouts. “It would have worked. I would have made a very good ex-boyfriend.”

Shen Yuan pats his back again. “I’m sure you would have. I, on the other hand, would probably have been terrible at it.”

“Why?”

“How could I have pretended to not only have dated Binghe, but to have separated from him? No one would believe it. My talents aren’t up to the task. I can’t make myself look like a plausible boyfriend to Binghe.”

Luo Binghe sighs. “That’s stupid. Shizun might as well have been my boyfriend lately.”

Shen Yuan feels a headache coming. He can barely follow the logic of this conversation. “Binghe, I don’t understand.”

“Shen Yuan spends most of his evenings with me. I cook for him. He takes me out. We’ve been writing to each other for months. He’s been carefully curating my reading lists for most of those months. He has plenty of reasons why I would be dating him.”

Okay, let’s just ignore most of that. “Nothing you listed has anything to do with the character we play for those society functions? High society Shen Yuan probably only reads classic literature, when he’s not working his high-power job and, I don’t know, checking stocks or playing the guqin. Nothing appealing there. How would we have even met?”

“Via work? Maybe you had a meeting with some executive of my father. Considering my reputation, we probably just had sex and ended up dating later on.”

Shen Yuan tries to imagine being the kind of person who would see Luo Binghe and think he could just hit that.

Impossible. Does not compute. “Look, I’m just going to ignore it. It’s always worked before. We probably shouldn’t change it.”

“But things always staying the same is bad! They must evolve!”

Shen Yuan shrugs. “Not necessarily. My life has mostly remained the same since I’ve graduated, and it’s perfectly fine.”

Luo Binghe flinches like a kicked puppy. “Is my arrival so unimportant to Shizun?”

Fuck. “No! That’s not what I meant! I mostly meant my romantic life!” Not really, he meant his life his general, but it is quite insulting to Binghe to imply he had no impact on his life, not to mention just an outright lie.

“That, too, should change.”

“It sure won’t if everyone thinks I’m gay.”

Under Luo Binghe’s breath, barely audible to Shen Yuan, “It’s not exactly an impediment.” Then, louder. “Let’s tell them the truth, then.”

Shen Yuan instantly panics. “Binghe, they can’t know the truth, it’ll fuck everythin-“

And that’s when Luo Binghe’s tongue finds its way into Shen Yuan’s mouth.

Shen Yuan’s mind freezes completely.

Luo Binghe keeps on kissing him.

Shen Yuan’s mind keeps trying to reboot.

Luo Binghe pushes back and sighs. “Does Shizun understand now?”

Nope. “…We can’t be exes if we’re kissing?”

“Forget the exes. Let’s just tell them we’re having sex. That’ll be the true part. We’ll just tell them it’s hate sex. I’ll tell them you’re just that good and I can’t resist you. That way, you won’t be pathetic, right?”

Shen Yuan’s slowly rebooting mind cannot decide if the “reputation for being gay” part would outweigh the “reputation for having seduced Luo Binghe” part.

Wait. “We’re having sex?”

Luo Binghe falters. “If you want to? Because I want to. A lot. But we’re pretty much dating and Shen Yuan didn’t seem to realise, so I thought maybe he’s not attracted to me, but you keep acting like I’m the best thing that ever happened to you when really, the reverse is true, and can we date already? Please?”

Shen Yuan opens his mouth.

Shen Yuan closes his mouth.

Shen Yuan tries to understand that, apparently, Luo Binghe has been trying to date him? Him? Luo Binghe? And him? As a couple? That is a thing that is apparently on the table?

Wait, Shen Yuan actually is a person who could have looked and Luo Binghe and have hit that!?

Woah.

“I…”

Luo Binghe’s eyes grow even wider as he waits for Shen Yuan’s response.

As if Shen Yuan ever had the capacity to tell Binghe no.

As if he ever wanted to. “Okay. Let’s try it.”

A second later, he gets an armful of overenthusiastic Binghe trying to choke him with too much tongue.

“But we’re not playing bitter exes.” Shen Yuan really has no belief in his ability to pretend he left Luo Binghe.

That he had him and is devastated he doesn’t anymore, sure. But that he’d manage to be cruel to Luo Binghe about it? There’s no way.

“That’s fine. I like the one with the hate sex much better anyway.”

To be honest, so does Shen Yuan.

_________________

Shen Yuan positions himself in such a way that he can track Luo Binghe’s movements across the room without looking like he’s doing more than reading on his phone.

He can tell from Sha Hualing’s particularly vicious grin that she’s about to deliver what she considers to be a crippling blow to his reputation.

He thrills when the expression melts, replaced by horror as Luo Binghe’s face turn sheepish. He can almost hear his embarrassed tone as he admits to the moral failing that is sleeping with Shen Yuan, universal pariah.

He can distinctly hear the cries of dismay and what he knows are roars of utter jealousy.

None of it shows on his face, but Shen Yuan grins.

[sachiwrites]

some friends to lovers hcs for sakusa pls? i've been thirsting over him for a while and seeing him in the recent manga chapters plus season 4 is just--

same fam, same. its been a whole mess over here. yikes this got long

— you are 210% that neighbor who his parents rely on to acclimate their son into being a somewhat decent member of society. is it a hardy task for someone at the age of six? yeah. was sakusa an absolute shit at that age too? of course. but he stopped that one kid from pulling your hair in class that day so he’s basically your unofficial hero. even if it was only because apparently you had ‘cooties’.

— naturally you continued to have this unknown disease for most of your life. but apparently so did everyone else in Japan. except when you got older it simply became known as- physical contact.

— “kiyoomi, why don’t you play outside with your friend?”

—“ they’re dirty.”

— sticks and stone may break your bones but the mud streaked across your face and hands would most certainly kill sakusa. or at least that’s what you thought at the age of seven when you went grab him off his front porch anyway. he sort of whined and pushed you for it, causing you to fall back on your rear, much to his parents obvious disdain. or as so you gathered as you smirked over their shoulder as they carried you inside, earning an extra few years of sakusa’s ire.

— “yoomi, lets play tag.”

— “it’s kiyoomi. and no, play by yourself.”

— “sakusa-san, yoomi doesn’t want to-“

— “run”

— the two of you were ‘reluctant’ friends until the age of eight. more or less, sakusa was required to spend at least half an hour outside with you a daily. half way through that the tenture you had mercy on him and introduced him to video games within the safety of his own home. sakusa has zero interest in crash bandicoot, but he likes you a little more for your concede.

— but his parents knew what they were doing when they put their son’s social reputation into your hands. for a while you were his only friend but occasionally you were able to integrate him into society. through little things like sitting down your lunch next to his and offering to be his partner in project.

— “i don’t need your help with this.”

— “maybe, but i need yours, so pretty please.”

— sakusa was a young genius and it would benefit you to take advantage of that feature. call it payment for all your years of servitude.

— the only time you found yourself not needing to be a crutch in his life was when he was playing volleyball. it was an option during recess to give the students an opportunity to scout out interests in athletic ventures. the sport was almost too perfect for sakusa- as an indoor requirement with almost no physical contact. it was his niche. a part of society that catered to his needs in a way that didn’t require your intervention.

— naturally, others began taking notice of his talents. other students were more likely to invite him for games during breaks- most knowing to keep their distance and touch to a limit. his own enjoyment of the sport slowly geared him towards pseudo-friendships that allowed him to play more and garner his skill set.

— “im going to try out for the volleyball club.”

— of course you knew this much. it was what he was so obviously looking forward to the most in junior high. it was just his decision to share his own thought with you the struck home.

— “yeah? i guess i should get some cheers ready for you games, eh?”

— he flinches away from your enthusiasm, his face portraying a mistake in letting you know so soon. but not once did he ever deter you from coming. in fact, you continued to be made aware of each an every upcoming match regardless of importance.

— “we have a practice match against haizen today.”

— wasn’t the most significant but he invited you so you’d be there. probably more vocal than you needed to be but he could mark your attendance and that’s all that mattered.

— a small part of you was worried that volleyball would take your place. it obviously had more suitable attributes than you. but it almost became a staple in your evolving relationship.

— in fact the first game you missed inflicted the first real argument you could remember having with sakusa. it surprised even his parents when you met him the next day to walk to class. you were use to a quiet shoulder but not a cold shoulder.

— “is something wrong?”

— it continued for most of the trip until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached for his arm. instead of shaking you off, he turns on you, gaze lit a flame with an emotion you didn’t recognize.

— “i had a game and you didn’t show up.”

— thinking back you did recall most of the students congregating towards the gym after class. it vaguely registered but you’d seen less of sakusa that day and more of pressing from your teacher to get your grades in order.

— “i had to stay back with my instructor. i needed help with my studies.”

— it was a little embarrassing- not something you wanted to admit. especially to someone like sakusa who obviously excelled where you fell short.

— “you’re an idiot. you come to me for that. ill help you after my games.”

— perphas it was in that moment that you should have realized that sakusa was more cognitive of his reliance than you were.

— what he does realize it how much he’s going to have to help you if he intended for you to join him at itachiyama. the school had shown interest in him earlier than year and it was mutual. but it’s prestige called for academics when sports weren’t your strong suit.

— matches weren’t the only appointments sakusa held you to. nearly everyday after class, whether your place or his, he made himself present while you studied. he wasn’t an overbearing tutor but he called you out in your faults and made you aware of mistakes before they became a habit. he wasn’t going to make you a super genius but you would become a student worthy of acceptance.

— the two of you were building something that only your parents noticed at first while watching from the doorway. itachiyama would be a dynamic chapter for both of you.

— the title of that chapter is: volleyball. because wow does that become an even bigger part of your life. itachiyama was already a powerhouse before sakusa but now he’s a cog in the wheel and an important one at that. quickly climbing ranks and becoming an imperative part of the team. if only he was more receptive to his newly popular status.

— he was still the same old germaphobe- avoiding crowds and wanting to get home as soon as possible to shower in his own tub instead of the school issued ones.

— his personality sort of highlighted your presence more than you expected. but given sakusa’s overall avoidance of unnecessary interactions, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

— “he can be a bit much, but please take care of him.”

— above your bowed head, his older teammate coo and awe at sakusa’s cute little friend. this of course leads to more teasing for him but it’s all part of being part of a team- a larger whole. something you were willing to give up a bit of sakusa for.

— “are you two dating or something?”

— oh but that. you get a lot of that. not just by his teammates either. everyone seems to notice how sakusa tolerates you more than anyone else. though part of you wants to point out to his fan base that they would get a lot further if they just gave him his space. -yet here you were huddled up close in the library while he looked over your school work, so what could you say to that?

— “are you paying attention?”

— “hey, i got most of these right. give me a break.”

— not thinking about it, you go to ruffle his hair as a retort. an action sure to give you his ire- but it doesn’t? in fact his gaze doesn’t even lift from his book. and is he leaning closer? weird.

— sakusa is making rapid progress not only within tokyo but on a national level. it’s one of his teammates that points out his accomplishments to you one day while you’re waiting for sakusa to emerge from the locker rooms.

— “your boyfriend is really something else. already the ace of the team and he’s climbing the stats nationally too. you must be proud.”

— you are proud. very impressed, in fact. but sakusa is not your boyfriend. an important note that you most certainly do not get to point out because now sakusa is here and is corralling you towards the exit from his pressure of his chest against your back.

— he’s much more hands on now. less in tolerating your touch and more so initiating his own. it’s a late realization but most of your attention is stuck on that same teammate who is waving mischievously from the door.

— but oh man. it’s becoming a lot more obvious to you now when sakusa offers to hold you books while you change your shoes, and holding on to them even as you travel to class. he sits a little bit closer to you during study hall now, the erratic hitter of your knee brushing against his with every jerk up.

— “...are you okay, ‘yoomi?”

— he doesn’t complain about the name. not even a pinch of his brow, just confusion as he peers down at you.

— “im fine.”

— huh

— it’s all fun and games until his fingers catch yours one day while you walk side by side. it seemed like a fluke, just an accidental swing and bump. but then they’re latching and now you’re connected?

— “yoomi?”

— “it’s cold”

— yeah. okay, fair enough.

— periodic becomes occasional and now it’s a habit.

— and of course everyone takes notice. because sure sakusa tolerates you more than most. but now there’s a basis for it.

— “ah, so tables have turned.”

— “i knew it.”

— “top in the nation and already dating. our little kohai is such a pillar.”

— you’re beyond overwhelmed. worse because kiyoomi looks mildly irritated but doesn’t seem to be denying any of it.

— and you just have to ask.

— “yoomi are we dating?”

— because wow, only yesterday it seemed like he was still just your best friend. one who held your hand, shared his lunch, fell asleep on your shoulder in more than one occasion-

“— “we’re together. we’ve always been.”

— okay, yeah but context here.

— but then he’s dragging down the mask across his face, letting it hang under his chin. his lips are on your temple and phew, that’s new.

— “we should get home. i have a match tomorrow.”

— a game that becomes a statement in more ways than one.

— “ooh, is that sakusa’s jacket? so the rumors are true.”

— you fumble with the sleeves that seems to be determined to swallow up your hands. when he’d first offered it to you, it seemed so natural.

— “you might get cold.”

— god your boyf-... friend was so confusing.

— “not really. he hasn’t asked.”

— your classmate seems unconvinced but doesn’t comment further. that’s doesn’t say the same for the rest of the class who use every opportunity to chip at your resolve.

— “haven’t they been dating the whole time?”

— “they always hold hands now.”

— “i mean that’s his jacket isn’t it? it’s he like a germaphobe?”

— it’s getting harder to concentrate on the game. and certainly doesn’t help with every glance sakusa tosses up into the stands. by the end of the match, you’re beyond frazzled and ready to just sakusa the second he emerges from the gym.

— his teammate offer thanks in exchange for your praises on a game well won. it helps to distract you for a brief moment-but there he is now.

— his fingers slip befeeen yours like they belong and you can’t find the voice to complain. after congratulating him, there’s not much more said on your part. he walks you to your doorstep, not just the entrance, and lets his hand fall away. yet you both linger.

— “are we-“

— “are you-“

— when it comes down to it. obviously sakusa fails when it comes to words and actions seem to speak clearly.

— sakusa doesn’t protest when you reach up and undo his face mask for him. going as far as to lower his head, aware of your intentions, when you lean in.

— it’s a short kiss. a testing peck to balance in the shallow end before diving deep. his nose nudges yours and it’s your laugh that breaks the kiss.

— kiss-with kiyoomi sakusa-your once reluctant friend and now?

— sakusa leans in again. this time his hand on your shoulder for stabilization. there’s no tongue or extra touches. it’s just the act.

— life is all about changes.

— you smile and decide, yeah, you can do this.

— before he can leave, however, he’s tugging at the collar of his jacket.

— “i prefer to use my own detergent. but you can have it back tomorrow.”

— or maybe just some adjustments.

[piracytheorist]

What are your thoughts on Dark Hook and Dark Swan in ouat in general?

To preface my thoughts, I want to first talk about how the writers of OUAT may have had good ideas for a show, but they lack the ability to execute them well. I think the main reason most of us loved the show was because seasons one and two were quite good - and those were the seasons that the writers had years in front of them to plan out - and then we were just into it. From season 3 onward, you can see the writing quality decline, from the occasional wtfs of s3 to the outright out-of-character, pointless, even backpedalling decisions pretty much all the characters took in s6 (I believe that the main reason s7 worked was because they had a lot of clean-slate characters, even Rogers had a different path to expand from). So there’s the theme of the writers having great ideas, but they can’t work on a very small time frame and develop a whole season in the span of a few months, so their ideas fall flat.

Onto Dark Hook and Dark Swan.

Again, Dark Swan is a great idea; Emma facing her strongest fears, just at the time that she’s fully ready to accept her future and move on from her past pain. But what they failed to realize is how complicated of a concept that is, and how to give it justice, it needs more than a half-season with a limited screentime because of the development of other characters, as all ensemble cast shows have to do. Add to that the fact that the writers wanted to pander to the audience with ANGST! for CS and the obligatory SQ-but-no-homo storyline... with a group of writers that can’t execute their ideas... on a limited screentime... you get this.

And this is a magnificent failure, not only by itself, but most importantly its consequences.

The Dark CS storyline has zero consequences. As proven by the horribly-written s6, Emma doesn’t learn to trust in her family. She doesn’t learn to stop working on her own, to recognize her work - I mean, when she comes back from the Underworld, she’s all “Boohoo I should never have gone there” like bish you saved Killian? You helped souls move on? Bish? - or learn from her own mistakes. Killian... he just falls deeper into self-loathing, and I’m not sure how that’s a positive development from him. He was already on the path of making himself better, of wanting to repent; he didn’t need to assist in nearly killing Emma’s entire family, close and extended, in order to have a development.

And of course, there’s the matter of the heavy things both of them did; Emma ripped out Violet’s heart to force her to break Henry’s heart in order to get his tears. She literally manipulated things and people’s - her own son’s! - emotions to get to the final point. Which may have been a noble cause, freeing Merlin from his prison, but immoral acts for a noble cause? That’s the work of an Anti-Hero character, not a Hero character. And that’s not something the writers realized let alone admitted in the narrative.

Same with saving Killian’s life, against his own dying wish. I actually recently remembered this exchange they had:

Killian: Do you have any idea how it feels to not be in control of yourself? [...] Emma: I know exactly how it feels! Everyone I’ve ever loved abandoned me!

And like, what’s the connection between point A and point B? Killian is talking to her about becoming a puppet to someone, not having free will of choice, and Emma is talking about how she had no control over when people would leave her. One is a terrifying matter, and the other is something everyone goes through. You can’t choose when the people you love will die, and you will meet people who will hurt you.

But because Emma has had that latter a little too much, she wanted control over it. And with the Dark One’s powers, she was even more inclined to use them to make sure it doesn’t happen. Ergo, her taking away Killian’s consent, when he was choosing to die. And then again by hiding Excalibur from him, lying to him about it, forcing him to talk to her by summoning him when he had chosen to go away because he was enraged over the previous three betrayals, and then by taking away his memories when she concluded that he was “too far gone”. Again, manipulation and control, in order to save Killian’s life - when he didn’t want to be saved, btw - all acts of an Anti-Hero character.

And then you have Killian. I’ve said before how I think most of the things he said and done as a Dark One were Killian’s actual deep fears - that he had become a lovesick puppy dog, that Emma was eventually going to push him away and revert to her “orphan” state, that he had no hope of making amends for his villainous past, so might as well give up trying, and making sure Rumpelstiltskin doesn’t hurt him again - so having him say both things like “That’s why you’ll always be an orphan” and “I might have given you your wife back. Soiled, but returned” on the same episode, you kinda wonder, how much of that does he mean? What the hell is going on?

The fact that right after waking up, he desires to die because he thinks he deserves to more than Emma does, the fact that after Emma rescues him he’s a mess with guilt... those kinda point to the fact that he had some control over what he was doing, or at least his feelings behind them - that, for example, he regrets allowing the Dark Ones to nearly kill Emma’s family and friends just so he could have his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin.

So, you’ve got some heavy issues. Manipulation, betrayal of trust, controlling and disregard of consent on the one side, and humiliation, degradation and homicidal attempt on the other side.

What are the consequences of all that? Nothing. The Dark CS storyline is forgotten, Killian’s guilt over it is mentioned once in the later episodes and then never again.

All those required at least a moment to sit and talk about. Killian feeling guilty over it for about one episode - and just for the things he did! God forbid we have Emma face the emotional consequences her actions had on other people - doesn’t even begin to reach enough. 

So overall, it was a very interesting concept, with a less than promising introduction and execution, and an outright disappointing and unrealistic conclusion. And I’m saying this as a CS fan - I’m not saying nothing of this should’ve happened. It was interesting to see how they happened, to see Emma’s and Killian’s deepest fears surface and take control of their actions, but it was disappointing to see that it lead to nothing. It was emotionally taxing, especially if you connected to the characters, and then it was nothing. It never happened, please look away and look! Cruella’s back and we got a villain with blue flaming hair please keep watching the show despite the fact that we disregard one of the oldest rules of storytelling by not providing Catharsis!

So yeah. Disappointing, 0/10, wouldn’t invest in anything A&E write again.

[madmaenad]

Meta on Sun Xiang & Qiu Fei’s Relationship

So the other day, Wack from the TKA discord mentioned in passing how Qiu Fei and Sun Xiang are like two ships passing in the night. The image stuck with me because it’s both poetic and accurate: two people occupying the same space, but heading in opposite directions, and never managing to stand on the same ground.

It’s notable that in a novel the size of TKA, the two almost never interact. In fact, there are only two examples of SX & QF speaking to each other outside of Glory in the entire novel. BB just didn’t fill in the rest, as he does, but what we have is consistent. I think it’s worth looking closely at their connection, because the novel very obviously sets these two characters up as foils of one another: Sun Xiang as the light, and Qiu Fei as his shadow. QF and SX are teammates who have several things in common (young Battlemages connected to Ye Xiu who have been trained to work together) - things that should draw the two together - but end up serving as a backdrop to the ways they are opposites. 

Let’s start with QF and SX’s very first interaction on page. Context: SMC has just given EE a magnificent chewing out about how all their worrying about YX is pointless, because YX seeks nothing but victory and EE is just another opponent to him. 

“Su Mucheng got up and left the conference room.

The room was completely silent. Just when everyone was wondering how long this silence would last, someone finally broke it. Someone stood up.

"I’ll be going to practice."

Qiu Fei.

This rookie had only just been promoted from the training camp this season. To think he dared to speak out against the Club’s manager. "I’ll be going to practice." By saying that, it meant he agreed with Su Mucheng.　

Ignoring everyone else’s gaze towards him, Qiu Fei left the conference room. The remaining people looked at one another, occasionally sneaking a glance at Cui Li.

This time, their captain Sun Xiang spoke up: "Haha, that child. He’s really got a personality. How interesting."

F*ck! Everyone slapped their forehead. Bro, I think you’re misreading the issue here. (885)”

The dynamic established here of ‘SX misreading QF’ is consistent all the way to the end of the Challenger League. QF has just made an extremely symbolic gesture of support for SMC, YX, and YX’s ideals of pursuing victory without distraction. All of that meaning completely flies over SX’s head. His reading of the situation is pure, shallow surface meaning only. His reaction is an abrupt change of emotional tone, and helps draw a dividing line between the two characters from the very beginning. It also highlights the different maturity levels between the two characters (The very next line is the famous “It wasn’t Xiao Shiqin’s first time witnessing Sun Xiang’s stupidity,” btw XD).

Additionally, we can read the line about SX finding QF interesting as a suggestion that SX didn’t think QF was interesting before now. We don’t know when QF became his shadow, but this scene happens in December and QF has been on the team since August/September. The options I see here are either A. the two hadn’t interacted much B. They interacted but SX just didn’t know QF well. 

In our next interaction, QF has just lost his match to YX in the Challenger League group round:

"You played well." Sun Xiang actually acted like a captain for once and comforted Qiu Fei, who was returning to the bench. Qiu Fei smiled, but didn't say anything before returning to his seat, but his gaze was aimed at Excellent Era's competition booth. On the field, they didn't have any way to communicate with words. Everything was based on their mechanics, attacks, defense, movement, and dodges. In this match, Qiu Fei had given it his all, but still lost. However, there would always be defeat in competition. He might've lost this time, but next time he'd win for certain, no matter who he was up against.

After giving his encouragement to one of their players, he casually glanced towards Happy and suddenly raised his voice. "It's just a shame that you left a Ye Qiu with only half his health for me. Even if I win, there will be no honor in it! (1016)”

Again, SX completely misreads the situation. QF doesn’t need to be comforted. At all. The following narration makes that clear - QF is already looking toward his next match. The mismatched emotional tone here between QF’s state and SX’s reply even makes me cringe a little bit. Like his mentor YX (who SX has just disparaged), QF is thinking about victory, but SX is thinking about honor. Their priorities are completely different - QF & SX aren’t on the same wavelength at all. Even after SX has trained together with QF as his shadow for months, he doesn’t seem to know QF’s personality. Based on this interaction, I’d find it difficult to believe the two of them are close. 

Next, let’s take a look at their in-game exchanges during the Challenger League Finals and what they say about SX & QF’s partnership as light & shadow.

“It was easy to think of what Sun Xiang was feeling like after being played around like that. He had been preparing to show his superiority over Ye Xiu in this team competition. Not yelling at Qiu Fei to move to the side was already a huge improvement for him. (1039)”

I bring up this quote because it means that SX has previously yelled at QF...who’s supposed to be his shadow and whose entire job is to help him. And not doing so is a ‘huge’ improvement. 

I don’t intend this as ‘SX was mean to QF.’ Pre character development SX would probably yell at any of his teammates. It’s just especially ‘ouch’ because QF’s entire job is to stick by SX’s side and coordinate with OAL. 

Okay, next quote.

“In the end, Sun Xiang was forced to retreat and leapt backwards twice to just barely dodge the attack. However, Soft Mist wasn't done yet. She was just about to execute her next attack. However, Qiu Fei's Combat Style attacked from the flank, stopping Soft Mist from continuing her assault.

From an outsider's point of view, it was a very normal assistance from a teammate, but in Sun Xiang's eyes, it was disgraceful! Just Soft Mist alone had forced him to require Qiu Fei's assistance? (1040)

QF is supposed to be SX’s helper, but SX thinks being helped is disgraceful. The narrative even calls this out as unreasonable. When one half of a partnership rejects the other person’s help, that is not a strong or stable partnership. 

Here’s one more:

“Sun Xiang had originally planned on continuing to attack Soft Mist, but then saw Combat Form force her back. Annoyance flickered in his heart as he had One Autumn Leaf chase after her, but after the first step, he suddenly remembered that rescuing their healer should be their priority. He immediately turned around and headed towards Woven Shadow. As for Qiu Fei's Combat Form? He just quietly followed alongside One Autumn Leaf. Only a professional's eyes would have been able to see the significance of that Rising Dragon Soars the Sky. (1041)

Once again, QF acts exactly as a shadow ought to by covering SX’s mistakes, and it just makes SX annoyed with him. I’d like to pause here to remind you that QF’s dream was always to stand beside One Autumn Leaf and seek victory side by side with YX. As OAL’s shadow, technically he’s achieved a piece of that dream. But SX’s reactions here are a rejection of QF as his shadow. SX doesn’t want a partner, SX wants individual glory. 

How ironic, that QF should gain what he hoped for and be cruelly denied it at the same time.

If you’d like an extra bit of pain, I’ll remind you that QF is both perceptive and thoughtful. It isn’t unreasonable at all to believe that QF sensed SX’s attitude toward his help. :)

I’ll end with one last quote:

“Sun Xiang turned his view with this attack. What he saw caused him to charge over like he had gone crazy, trying to use his own body to block the three Anti-Tank Missiles.

But it was too late. Everything was too late. Lord Grim didn't just send out Anti-Tank Missiles. A grenade had also rolled over, across the ground.

Combat Form, Qiu Fei's Combat Form had run out of health.

The shadow that had been with him the whole way, helping him. In truth, Sun Xiang hadn't thought that he was very important, but in that moment, he truly wished to save Combat Form from death, willing, even, to use his own character, One Autumn Leaf, to shield his shadow from death.

But it was all too late. Engulfed by the light of the explosion, Combat Form could no longer escape and his health fell to zero. Combat Form, he had fallen.

AAAAAHHHHHH!

In the player booth, no one could hear how Sun Xiang had screamed. (1051)”

At the very end, SX realizes QF’s value. But it’s too late, both for the match and for his partnership with QF. SX transfers soon afterward and doesn’t get a chance to fix his mistakes.

I have to wonder - did SX’s belief that having a shadow wasn’t important transfer over into a belief that QF also wasn’t very important? Is this why SX doesn’t seem to know much about QF?

That’s the last we see of the two characters interacting, but I’ll point out that SX earns best partners with ZZK the very next season. Is that SX learning from his mistakes and throwing himself into becoming the best possible partner he could be? I’d like to think so. 

How does this dynamic play out when QF returns to the Alliance with EE? SX, older and wiser and aware how badly he failed QF...come on guys where’s the fic

[whenrockwasyoung19]

It’s Time to Talk about a Bespectacled Elephant in the Room

I’ve been in the Beatles fandom for 8 and a half years. I have had a Beatles blog for the entirety of those 8 and a half years, and I have watched as discourse about these four men evolve. The discourse inside and outside the fandom has become so toxic that I don’t think I can engage with it in the same way that I could before. Let me explain. 

When I entered this fandom 8 and a half years ago, it was in 2012, quite an infamous year in tumblr history. That was the pique of “”cringey”” fandom culture. The Beatles fandom was as steeped in fandom culture as any other fandom. I know this because I was part of two of the top of fandoms at the time, Doctor Who and Sherlock. Believe me, I have seen cringe. 

The fandom at the time was totally aware of the John, Paul, George, and Ringo’s flaws as individuals, but most fans tended to simply enjoy Beatles fandom as if it were the 60s. Some might call it ignorant bliss. If you asked me at the time, I’d have said it was self-aware ignorant bliss--if that even makes sense. At the time, there wasn’t a person with a Beatles icon who hadn’t heard the line “John Lennon beat his wife.” Everyone knew it, but everyone also knew the real story, and so everyone just made peace with it. As a result, people didn’t think about every bad thing the Beatles ever did on a daily basis. It was more like a once-a-month kind of thing. Otherwise, fandom discourse was quite fun and relaxed. There were no shipping wars, no one fought over who was the best Beatle, everyone gushed over the Beatles wives, and we all just had fun with fics and fan art. 

Of course, in this period, people engaged in conversations about one bespectacled Beatles problematic behavior. These conversations usually came from outside of the fandom. It was usually randos coming into the tags or into someone’s ask box and ranting about John Lennon’s violent behavior. Some of it came from within the fandom. Some people really didn’t like John and gave others shit if they listed John as their favorite Beatle. A lot of the discourse boiled down to: ‘hey, I see you like John Lennon. You should know that he beat his wife. And now that you know that, you should feel bad about ever liking him in the first place.’ And the response was often, ‘Actually, John Lennon didn’t beat his wife. They weren’t even married at the time. And also he didn’t beat her, he slapped her once in the face, and then never did it again.’ No one’s minds were changed. The fans had made their peace, and the antis came off as cynical and pretentious. 

When Dashcon happened, and Tumblr took a hard look at its cringey fandom culture, the Beatles fandom evolved as well. The fandom became, frankly, less fun. It no longer felt like a group of people who found the Beatles decades after the 60s and were fangirling like it was 1965. There was still some of that left, but a lot of it kind of faded. So, most fandom interactions were reblogging pictures of the Beatles from the 60s and various interview clips and quotes. But the barrage of antis never really went away, and the response didn’t evolve. 

Then, the advent of cancel culture came on. I always waited for the Beatles to get, like, officially canceled, but I also felt they were uncancel-able at the same time. Let me explain. I have been a Beatles fan primarily in an online space, rarely engaging with fans in real life. But I have met fans who are life-long Beatles fans, people who are a lot older than us and who’s fandom isn’t tied to the internet. They don’t give a shit about any of our discourse. They may or may not have heard it before, but they seem totally indifferent to all of it. I’m sure most of them have never heard ‘Mclennon’ before. These are the people that flock to see Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr in concert (and pay astronomical prices for it). These are the people who go to record shops and buy vinyl. These are the people I run into at flea markets who buy up all the Beatles merch before I can even arrive (true story). So, the Beatles will never be canceled because there will always be people who love the Beatles and don’t engage with online discourse. Rarely said, but thank god for Gen-X. 

As cancel culture took over the internet, fandoms changed. It’s not as noticeable in fandoms without problematic favs. For instance, I’m also steeped in the Tom Holland fandom, and that boy is a little angel who has done no wrong. No one has discourse about the unproblematic boy who plays an equally unproblematic character. But in fandoms with ‘problematic favs’ the mood has shifted. I’m also in the Taron Egerton fandom. Taron Egerton, for those who only follow me for my Beatles stuff, is a genuinely sweet and kind person who has had zero scandals in his six year career. There were some rumblings when he was cast as Elton John, and some people took issue with the fact that he’s a straight man playing a gay man. This discourse seemed to die quickly as a whole lot of straight people played gay people in that same year (Olivia Coleman as queer Queen Anne, Emma Stone as her queer lover, Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury). Why jump on this boy who at the time was still technically on the rise. He’s not exactly the same target as someone like Scarlett Johansson who has her pick of roles. Taron doesn’t have quite that some power in Hollywood, and I think most people made peace with the fact that this was a big role for him, and it’s not really fair to take that away from him. So, all in all, the closest thing to a scandal was something that died pretty much on arrival. 

That was until this summer when everything changed. When George Floyd was murdered, celebrities flocked to social media to mourn his loss. Taron’s social media account was silent. For weeks, Taron said nothing about Black Lives Matter or Floyd’s death. This caused outrage in the fandom. Many raced to defend him, starting a hashtage #IstandwithTaron. Others sought to tear him down and anyone who supported him. The kind of mania this one incident caused tore through an otherwise peaceful fandom. What I saw was two sides in a total panic. The antis were people who once had faith that Taron was a good person and were now questioning that. Andthe defenders were people who desperately wanted him to be a good person and were afraid that he wasn’t. In essence, both sides could feel Taron about to get canceled. The defenders wanted to stop it, the antis wanted to ride that wave. 

What this long drawn out Taron example is meant to convey: is that cancel culture has put fandoms on edge. One’s fav has to be perfect, otherwise it can jeopardize the existence of the entire fandom. I’ll admit, I was afraid that I’d be some kind of pariah for standing by Taron through all of this. My actions were to basically reason with the antis but still defend Taron. I defend him mostly because I felt that his silence was the result of a needed social media absence and that trying to shame him back onto social media was an invasion of privacy. But I was genuinely afraid that he would get canceled, and the fun of the Taron fandom would be lost. 

In the Beatles fandom, it often feels like the Beatles, mainly John, have already been canceled. I see this coming from two different sources: antis from outside of the fandom and antis within the fandom. The outside antis are just the same as the ones from 2012. These are people who like to drop in that John Lennon beat his wife, posting this in the tag (which violates an ancient tumblr real by the way--no hate in the tags). 

The antis outside the fandom speak to a larger anti-John Lennon sentiment online. I see references to John Lennon ‘beating his wife’  on Tiktok and twitter. The tone of anti-John Lennon posts has shifted. Before, it felt like the antis were being smug but also argumentative. They wanted to have a conversation about this bit of info they read on Reddit with no context. Now, “John Lennon beating his wife” is practically a meme. It’s a running joke online that John Lennon was a wife beater. I can’t look on my instagram explore page because every so often a John Lennon beats his wife meme will pop up amongst the other, normal, memes.

This change in discourse suggests that the internet has just accepted this as fact now. I should note that back in 2012, it seemed as if few people knew this fact. The fandom knew it, and these random antis knew it, but few others did. Now, because of how common these memes are, it seems to be widespread knowledge.

Consequently, the Beatles fandom, who used to ward off attacks from antis, seems to have given in. I recently saw a post from a Beatles blog (had the URL and icon and everything) that confessed they felt guilty for listening to the Beatles, and I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed in the fandom. People tend to put disclaimers in posts about John or even all four that John is an ‘awful man.’ It seems like the self-aware ignorant bliss has completely gone away. Occasionally, I still see posts joyously talking about Mclennon or reblogs of old photos from the 60s. But the culture has shifted. 

Online, it no longer feels comfortable to be a Beatles fan. It feels like you have to own up to 8 decades of mistakes by four men you’ve never met. And, I should note, this is kind of how it feels to be a fan of anything right now. Taron is not canceled today, but he could be tomorrow. It’s this pervasive feeling of guilt that the person you’re supporting may or definitely has or is doing something wrong.

I’ll admit this uncomfortable feeling has expanded into other parts of my fandom life. I listen to their music, and I feel elated--the way I always have. Then, I get these intrusive thoughts which sound like all the worst parts of Twitter combined. It wasn’t always like this. Back in 2012, when I knew almost nothing about them, I saw them as four young men who were full of happiness, love for another, and talent. Back then, listening to their music was exciting and joyous. Sometimes, I fear that I can never feel that way again. Next year, when I finally go to Liverpool, will I be filled with excitement or guilt? 

I say all this for a few reasons. One, I love John Lennon. I appreciate all the good he did for the world not just as a musician and an artist but also his advocacy and charity work. I love him, and a part of me will always love him, but observing the change in discourse has enlightened me as a historian. Part of my job is to observe people’s legacies, and John’s is perhaps the most interesting legacy I’ve ever observed. When he died, he was hailed as a saint. But tall poppy syndrome set in, and the antis started. This culture grew and grew to the point where it seems to, at least among the younger generation, taken over the sainthood. 

But as a historian and a fan, I have never seen the saint or the devil. I’ve only seen the man, the incredibly flawed man. The thing that these antis never understand is that John Lennon was painfully aware of his own flaws to the point where it made him all the more self-destructive. In essence, his past mistakes caused him to make additional mistakes. But John, aware of his own flaws, always tried to change and was often successful. I’ve talked about this before, but John demonstrated that he was capable of being a good person, like properly so, again and again. After he struck Cynthia, he never hit her again. His shortcomings as a father to Julian weren’t repeated with Sean. He worked on his drinking, his drug addiction, and his anger, trying to overcome those demons till the day he died. By all accounts, the John Lennon that died in 1980 is not the John Lennon who struck Cynthia Powell at school. That John Lennon was living a cleaner, healthier life. He was a better father to both his sons by that point, and was trying to repair his relationship with Julian. He was a good husband to Yoko and saw himself living a long and happy life. 

John Lennon cannot and should not be boiled down to just his flaws. It’s one thing as a fan to acknowledge that John is a flawed human being (news flash: they all are), but he is also much bigger than that. 

So once again, why am I writing this long, rambling post, once again talking about John Lennon’s virtues? Because if I can’t engage with healthy discourse about the Beatles and John Lennon, then I can’t engage with discourse on the topic at all. So, I probably will post less Beatles stuff because I find it hard to go through the tags or even my dash (well, I can’t really go through my dash anymore for other reasons I’m not going to get into right now). If any of my followers have noticed a lot of Taron posts lately, it’s not just because I love Taron, it’s because Taron’s  tag is pretty much the only location on tumblr I feel 100% comfortable in. Any foray into John or the Beatles tags becomes uncomfortable and guilt-ridden quickly. 

So, I probably will post less about the Beatles until I can find a blog or a tag that doesn’t give me bad vibes. My fandom will likely outgrow tumblr and the internet. I have a ton of Beatles books; maybe I’ll rely on those. I am doing official scholarly research on them now. Maybe that will be my outlet. I’m sorry if I post less about them now, but it’s really for my own well-being. 

[kaediisarchive]

Final thoughts on the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie.

LOTS of spoilers under the cut! Do not look at this post if you don’t want to see spoilers!

And remember, this is all just my opinion. It’s not like an actual in-depth review because I’m not a film student; this is just my perspective on what I saw as a fan of this franchise.

POSITIVE

Sub-Zero and Scorpion were great. Opening fight was great.

“Eddy Tobias” namedrop lmao

I love the snow preceding Sub-Zero’s attack. Very foreboding.

Score is AWESOME. My favorite soundtrack is probably the one that plays when Sub-Zero is attacking them in the city towards the beginning.

Sonya rigging her house with a secret bunker and trap doors is smart and fits her character.

I like that the dragon logo has an integral meaning to the story.

Loved Jax vs Sub-Zero. Not mad about the origin change of Jax’s arms. I like that he had to work through his feelings of inadequacy and failure; people don’t just immediately bounce back after something that traumatic. I also like that his arcana manifests to protect Sonya rather than in the heat of battle. It shows his emotional priorities and what separates him from people like Kano who manifest their arcana in a fit of rage.

Sonya “Throw Hands on Sight” Blade lmfao. They nailed her fighting style too and I am happy.

Kano is the best thing about this movie. No competition.

Kotal reference!

Nightwolf reference!

Shang Tsung’s soul magic being black and wispy and foreshadowing Noob Saibot.

KANO DID THE HEART RIP

CHEKOV’S GNOME I’M SCREAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG

I love Liu Kang in this. He is 1000000% a Wholesome Boi. I like that he’s younger and unhardened and not the fully realized champion version of his character yet. Let him grow into it so it feels earned later on. I like that he’s the underdog, and I like what they’ve set up for him in the future. Also, the casting for him was perfect and they nailed his fighting style, too.

That little “the FUCK” that the Kano actor improvised(?) in the middle of Liu Kang’s lines made me laugh more than it should have. I don’t know why that moment got to me so much but it did.

I love Kung Lao. And they nailed his fighting style, too! Great to see variation that represents the characters (though there were less shining examples, which I’ll touch on later).

LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP! LOW SWEEP!

Egg roll scene is best scene.

Kabal! I love his dry humor. And his voice reminds me of Duke Nukem, which I’m not mad about. It complemented his dialogue well.

Not mad about Kung Lao’s death because it was meaningful. His fatality on Nitara was sick, too.

Liu Kang taking the ribbon from Kung Lao’s hat and wearing it in his honor, giving an origin for his signature headband is FANTASTIC.

THE PIT!

FLYING BICYCLE KICKS!

LIU KANG’S DRAGON FATALITY!

SONYA’S ENERGY RINGS!

Sub-Zero was a GREAT final boss. They really built him up appropriately to make him feel like it.

Scorpion’s fatality! And his skull face!

NEUTRAL

Not sure how I feel about Sub-Zero being wholly evil and there being no involvement from Quan Chi. It’s more straight forward for sure. It makes him an interesting (and badass) character, and I’m really behind this portrayal in that he is one of the most believable characters in the movie, but I’m not sure if I like the implications for later films in how this has simplified the dynamic in the entire Shirai Ryu vs Lin Kuei plotline. Having Quan Chi be the Machiavelli was always one of my favorite MK twists. And how do we eventually end the feud now? If Bi-Han / the Lin Kuei were wholly responsible, why should Hanzo EVER make peace with Kuai Liang down the line? The complexity feels like it’s been stripped down a bit, but I do love this iteration of Sub-Zero. I truly do. That’s why this is in the neutral category and not the negative XD.

Why didn’t Jax tell Cole when he saw the mark? Why wait until his family gets attacked? Maybe he didn’t want to do it in front of his family to keep them out of it, but that ends up endangering them more. Not a gripe, just a curiosity.

Sound editing was a bit too intense at times for my taste. I have tinnitus, so...big boomy bass with very mild voices is a chore for my ears to switch between. My ears were ringing within the first twelve minutes.

Torn between “fuck you Reiko” and “Reiko deserved better”. He deserved just a little bit better, but Skarlet says “get fucked” anyway.

I don’t like the “shaky cam” used in the fight scenes. Not my cup of tea. Very hard to visually process at times.

Whatever cosmic force is picking the champions for Earthrealm is doing a shitty job at it.

Why did they change the location of the Sky Temple to a desert? Again, not a gripe, a curiosity.

“We will not see another full moon before the tournament begins” THEN WHERE IS THE TOURNAMENT BUDDY???

Not sure how I feel about the “arcana” concept. It’s an okay plot device but kinda hammy.

Kitana’s fan! But why? Why is it there? I could understand the Kotal and Nightwolf references because Sonya has been researching, but why is Kitana’s fan randomly in an Earthrealm temple? Purely cheap fanservice.

Nitara was really cool. Shame she had to die, but her death was cool and there have to be some characters that get killed off. Wish she had more screentime though; feels like another instance of fanservice just having her show up basically as a namedrop and a quick kill.

The phrase “Are you okay?” was said WAY too much in this film. So much that I actually notices how often it was said, and I usually don’t pick up on these things.

Pretty sure a camera operator fell at one point in a Sonya scene because the camera jerked around violently all of the sudden then stabilized. Whoops.

How did Sub-Zero know to take Cole’s family to the gym? WHY did he take them there?

NEGATIVE

Opening scene was awesome, but it’s emotional impact felt stunted. I feel like the order of events should have been twisted a bit. Hanzo find his wife and son should have been the big emotional climax of the scene, but it felt like a passing moment and gave him no time to mourn and no time for the impact to truly set in with me. It was an “oh no they died” moment instead of an “ OH MY GOD THEY DIED THIS IS SO FUCKED FUCK YOU SUB-ZERO” moment. I dare say that the Legacy web series did it better in spite of their lower budget and overall quality; the series of events had better pacing and gave more emotional impact because of it. I said what I fucking said don’t @ me.

Wish we got more Scorpion. I love Sanada, I love him as Scorpion, but they didn’t give us the time we needed with his character to truly get a grasp of him.

Cole Young is like white bread in a parade of decorative cakes.

Raiden, a normally passionate and protective character whose fatal flaw is that he involves himself too much in events because he cares about the people in his realm and ends up fucking things up because of it, now seems to not care in the slightest. He feels completely uninvolved save for an occasional pop in to give a nod of disapproval. I don’t like this unemotional take on one of the most emotional characters in Mortal Kombat.

Small complaint from my perspective as a martial artist but uh...”Throw your uppercut!” was a bullshit line in a bullshit scene. If you’re locked up with someone like that and the guy has his arms around your neck, you physically cannot uppercut. You cannot fit your arms between his arms because they are cinched tightly around your shoulders/neck. YOUR HEAD is between your fist + bicep and HIS HEAD. In that situation, the guy has also left his body completely unguarded, so the most logical thing to do since you CANNOT reach his head is to go for BODY BLOWS. Beat him until he lets go to protect himself, catch his floating rib with double strikes, or punch the dude in his fucking liver as hard as you can to DROP HIM. Cole is supposed to be an experienced fighter, yet he makes one of the most rookie mistakes a fighter could ever make. Normally I wouldn’t care to point out mistakes in fight choreography or whatever because it’s MK and I expect ridiculousness, but this is the WRONG kind of ridiculous. It’s just NONSENSE.

I have SO MANY issues with Mileena. I’ll make this as short as I can. I don’t like the design of her mouth. I don’t like her weird stacked voice. She shows NO personality, not in her acting or even her fighting style, just an evil minion that got angry because she almost got her ass kicked. The turned one of the principle characters of the entire franchise and a fan favorite into a GRUNT. There is NO mention of Kitana outside of literal “fan”-service. Not even a reference to one of the most important plotlines in all of Mortal Kombat. And then they KILL HER OFF!!! When they do inevitably bring in Kitana WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO SINCE THEY KILLED OFF MILEENA???? I’m heated and biased and they did my girl dirty.

Speaking of doing characters dirty, poor Reptile. They turned him into an actual animal. What a waste.

Why are they so mean to Sonya if she doesn’t have a mark? She wouldn’t be as much of a “liability” if they would take the time to prepare her and teach her how to defend against fighters that have unlocked their arcana. Mind-numbingly stupid logic.

This movie relies A LOT on prerequisite knowledge to work. It’s like they want fans to fill in the blanks for them. But not everyone watching is already a fan; this isn’t an obscure release, this is a blockbuster movie released worldwide. These gaps in lore and prior knowledge don’t make sense for such a broad audience.

Cole Young literally could have just been Johnny Cage.

Where was Raiden when his temple was being assaulted?

Cole’s arcana is LITERAL PLOT ARMOR IM FUCKING DONE

No but for real that’s the most boring decision they just ripped off Jax’s MK11 heater effect and Baraka’s blades (I know they’re tonfa and they aren’t attached and I DON’T CARE). Also, now he’s suddenly good at fighting again? After being dog shit this entire movie??? And tanks Goro?????

If Raiden is an Elder God in this continuity, why is he allowed to help Earthrealm AT ALL? It seems like favoritism and bends the rules that the Elder Gods are supposedly bound by way too much. They really just shouldn’t have made him an Elder God; I honestly think they just said it to introduce the concept without a fuck given towards the actual lore of the Elder Gods.

WHY DID RAIDEN TELEPORT KANO TO SONYA’S HOUSE AFTER HE BETRAYED THEM I HAD TO REWATCH THAT SEVERAL TIMES TO MAKE SURE I JUST SAW WHAT I SAW  WHAT THE ACTUAL NONSENSICAL FUCK

Cole REALLY should not have been involved in that last fight. Especially not after Scorpion shows up. It should have been Scorpion vs Sub-Zero ONLY for the final fight. Cole tag-teaming Sub-Zero with Scorpion cheapens Scorpion’s revenge.

Camera work in the final fight was not good, especially in the first portion. At one point Cole gets thrown into a fence, but it cuts to an awkward inverse angle that makes him look like he’s bouncing off of a trampoline. This continues to happen and ruins several shots for me.

Honestly Scorpion should have just possessed Cole. Permanently. No switching back and forth. No more Cole, only Scorpion.

PREDICTIONS

Lots of dead characters come back as revenants and / or with upgrades.

Kano comes back with cyber eye.

Mileena comes back with full teeth.

Liu Kang becomes MK champion, wins tournament, and kills Shang Tsung. As it should be.

Cole Young helps Liu Kang become champion somehow idk maybe he sacrifices himself or something just please don’t make Cole the champion I will start a riot.

Next movie will start IMMEDIATELY at the tournament since there was supposedly less than a month until the tournament starts in this movie.

New characters coming in will be Kitana, Shao Kahn, Jade, Quan Chi, Kuai Liang, Noob Saibot, Ermac, and Johnny Cage.

OVERALL

This movie was good, bloody fun! It’s not an A++ Oscar-winner, but if you expected that going into it, you played yourself. It was Mortal Kombat; it was stupid, it was gory, and I had a blast watching it. Kano and Liu Kang were the best parts of the movie for me, with Scorpion and Sub-Zero tied for third. Also I popped a lot for the cheap nostalgia hits. I’m overall satisfied with what we got in spite of my complaints, and I only complain so in-depth about the things I love lmao so trust me when I say I’m not actually mad, just nitpicky. I’ve watched it twice now, and I would watch it again. It’s like a 6.8/10 for me.

[chainrattle]

info on seven/rk under the cut !

pre-maw ( arc zero ) ; the runaway kid wasn't always some nameless face trapped within the depths of the maw ; like any child, he came from a family. a beloved child of one to a perfectly normal grandfather and grandmother. his parents whereabouts didn't bother him, since the devoted care of his grandparents was enough. during his childhood he was spoiled rotten, lavished with gifts due to being the only child. one tragic day, however, changed everything when his grandmother passed away due to unknown causes. despite the horrors of the world, outside their little ranch far away from cities and boats, his grandfather went out to bury his wife where she had asked to be buried.

left all alone, the boy waited for a total of a week before he set off to find his elder. a mistake on his part. while searching desperately for his remaining family, the boy was attacked— someone aimed a hit on his head that knocked him out cold. a swelling bump, oozing of blood, now on his head. this hit made him remember little of his past when he finally awoke on the maw. the images of his family now hazy faces that only became more distorted by the day. while he has no clue who gave him his head injury, it certainly caused escaping the maw to be harder.

( in later loops, the head wound heals and becomes less of a injury— making it easier. but there is still a scar on his head from it )

canon ' the maw ' ( arc one ) ; everything that takes place here is when the runaway boy is within the metal walls of the maw. the sequence of events follows canon closely, with him waking up in the children's room and escaping his prison— roaming the depths and killing the granny with his quick thinking. he's captured by the janitor and briefly encounters the feared heroine six before taken away to be moved to the kitchen. an attempt he easily escapes, though he falls once more back to the bottom. calling upon the nomes to help him, rk finds solace in his only friends when they get the furnace ( or known as the 'heart' of the maw ) started. when he escapes through an elevator, the lady is below him.

finally, the boy is in the lady's quarters. where he fends off from shadow kids with his flashlight and finds the statues needed to escape. he makes the fatal mistake of catching the lady staring at her reflection, however, and this proves to be his end. the moment she catches him, she twists him into a nome and he's destined to waddle off, becoming six's meal like the loop wants him to be.

canon divergent maw. in most threads, the story will become canon divergent as the boy interacts with others aboard the maw ; be it monsters or children. sometimes he will meet the same fate despite his partnerships ; becoming a nome for six to eat. sometimes six doesn't eat him. sometimes the boy in blue actually escapes, or the lady kills him where he stands. these different scenarios occur after the first loop, where stuff starts to alter— slowly, but surely.

canon divergent ' pale city ' ( arc two ) ; entering pale city only occurs if he escapes the maw, be it alone or with a partner. either way, seven ( a name he earned on the maw that he heard whispered about ) typically ends up separated ; isolated and alone in a foreign city. in most loops, it's rare he encounters the hunter considering he starts in pale city— but there have been a few times where he travels to that location and gets caught himself. a consistency, however, is that the boy stumbles upon the school quickly. with a hunger for company, he's easy prey for the bullies. while entering the building, he's relentlessly pranked, harassed, and physically harmed— but he pushes on.

not a solid choice to make considering his persistence and cowardice nature ( he can't bring himself to hurt other children ) is what makes the bullies want to keep him. brought to the teacher, seven is forced to stay. it takes five to six weeks for him to finally wiggle his way out of his hell ; be it alone or because of the help of another. with new scars to carry he keeps off the grid for a good while, avoiding big buildings like the hospital until he needs to treat some festering wounds.

by the time he gets to the doctor's in most loops, six and mono have already taken care of him ( or they're currently in the building when he arrives ) and he's free to only deal with the mannequins. but for the most part, he's in and out fast. being sneaky and cautious makes the hospital scene a little easier for him to handle. there's nothing significant in the building for him, though he does linger in the room with all those markings for the longest time.

in most scenarios, it's rare for seven to make it to the tower or lay eyes on the thin man. by the time he's in the streets again, six has usually dropped mono and repeated the cycle. which results in seven dying from the viewers so he can start back in the maw with six. seven is only freed from the loop when it's broken by six and mono ; forcing him to rely on others for his own fate ( and how messed up is that? )

more canon divergent pale city. when seven's in pale city, a lot of things aren't consistent due to the fact he isn't supposed to make it this far. sometimes he sticks with a partner the whole time, other times he's alone the whole way through. occasionally he sticks with mono and six until after the doctor's area ; typically dying in the collapsing building or, if he's lucky, at the hands of monster six ( again, he dies if the loop is to restart, he can never make it to the end with mono and six unless the loop is going to be broken ).

DUE TO THE LOOP in general, and due to seven mattering little in the grand scheme of things ; there's only some consistencies. his past always remains the same, he's always given the head injury, he awakes on the maw first, kills the granny, and is gifted the companionship of the nomes. sometimes the lady kills him, sometimes she turns him into the very thing he loves so much, and sometimes six eats him. the only thing that remains the same in every loop in pale city is seven being trapped in the school ; everything else changes for the most part.

› › » › ›

seven & six ; a friendship that forms despite it all! his fate is intertwined with six's, being the nome she eats when she's at her starving point. but there's more to them than that— with seven seeing bright yellow and feeling familiarity swirl in his chest. she reminds him of the horrors within the maw, yet six also makes him think of doing the impossible. out of all his companions, six is the one he will have always known the longest— even if he's only known her at a glance before. though it's true that the girl's powers scare him, make him debate her morals even, this doesn't stop the runaway from loving six. he can't quite get pass her powers, or ( if he learns ) the fact she ate him, but he can love her despite it. and he always does. for her sake, he even keeps his feelings on her supernatural aspect quite so he doesn't make her feel bad. also, she's a comfort to him due to their shared experiences in the maw— something that they mostly share alone.

seven & mono ; an unlikely bond that should've never formed ( in the loop's eyes ) but it blooms nonetheless. seven's never hung out with many boys before, so he's very shy and nervous around mono upon first meeting him. his typical cold behavior melts fast as he feels the pathetic urge to impress mono, though he tries to hide this well. they both typically have fun swapping stories about six, both viewing her in a slightly different light— which makes it even more fun to discuss. at first that's all they seem to have to talk about ; six this, six that! seven clings to this conversation topic because he wants to keep talking to mono, but they settle into other topics eventually. forming their own experiences together ( like saving six perhaps ) helps make their bond separate from their one with six. of course, like with their mutual friend, seven is uncomfortable by mono's powers— and would definitely be disgusted by the fact mono becomes the thin man. however, he keeps this to himself again. trying to get over his issues with mono during his own time since he really does like him.

seven & five ; five is the kid that seven never feels threatened by, or envious of. she seems to love the nomes just as much as he does, which is something that will tie him to any child, but she also doesn't have powers ; like mono and six have. that fact comforts him in her presence, knowing that she's ordinary just like him. she made it this far by survival skills alone and he's impressed by this fact, along with being taken with her humourous and determined nature. all in all, the boy quickly relates to her and lets five in, her presence lightening the burden on his shoulders. she makes him laugh and smile harder than most and he quite likes their history with water. these two have a lot of things that glue them together, relating in ways seven can't with most of the other kids.

seven & the nomes ; with little rememberance of his actual family, the nomes have fit together to make him a new one. there's a sense of belonging that tugs him to the nomes, feeling understood and seen by the peculiar creatures. the nomes understand what its like to fail, to never be able to taste the fresh air of new lands. seven sees himself in each of them and, despite the nomes usually not being in any real danger, the boy is fiercely protective of his new family. they know his every thought, constantly spilling his deepest thoughts and secrets to them because it's easier when he knows the nomes can't tell anyone. there's lots of trust in this dynamic, and seven sees himself as one of the nomes.

[raexxbb]

Critic of Cartoons (SPOILERS!)

KyI figured I would begin doing on here what I do in my life. Rate a cartoon 10 out of 0 (-10 being highest/best and zero being the worst of the worst nonsense-) while telling my thoughts as to why. The third one is older and full of adventure with tales beyond what’s expected. Now on Netflix:

9 -Avatar: the Last Airbender

This may get a bit long ‘cause I want to bring each character justice. I love this show so much. I only deducted one point for the smallest of reasons otherwise it probably would have gotten a ten.

There’s a strong love-hate relationship with this show. All of the characters are incredible in there own unique way. My only issue is with the fact that the ‘hero gets the girl’ and does so by being whiny. It’s such a cliche and literally the only reason this show has a nine. The romantic element has a strong scale to hold but this show does a poor job of holding it up. Aang is fine, and I love Katara just not them romantically. Aang’s crush on her right away just rubbed me weird. I guess, it’s fine to crush on a pretty girl but to push the crush so much until she feels the same way... Katara had multiple boyfriends along the show and didn’t show much interest in Aang other then as a friend. So, them romantically together I never saw it being as Aang also pushes the chemistry. That’s it, my only issue is there in that relationship. Alone every character is very well thought out and placed in such a particular situation it makes them each perfect.

This forced kiss is the most disgusting moment in the entire show. He pushes this on her right after she says she’s confused and doesn’t know her feelings towards anyone. He’s just being childish (yes, I register he’s twelve) but if you want an adult relationship this is the wrong way to go about it. I don’t see why Katara would ever consider moving into a romantic relationship after this. Pushy is such a red-flag for me. Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way but it just outright infuriates me. Just look at how uncomfortable she looks during this moment.

Another thing I’d like to bring to light is the fact that Aang maybe a bit sexiest. I state this lightly ‘cause of the play episode in the third season. The thought came to be while reviewing Korra. Katara fights against sexism and to empower women. However, Aang became overly insulted when a woman was acting as him in the Ember Island play. Toph loved the idea of a guy playing her, but Aang just couldn’t get over his part being played by a female cast member. It is rude. Yes, everyone knows he still isn’t a girl but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t doing a decent job representing him. The fact that Katara still enters into a relationship just makes me feel like she’s going against something she stood so strongly for. 

People may believe it’s because I favor Zuko and Katara but it isn’t that. Honestly, I’m no longer sure I like them as a couple anymore either. They have cute moments. There are just so many issues among all of the romantic relationships. Somehow, I found myself wishing it revolved more around friendship ‘cause the romance in this show wasn’t handled well at all.

The only reason I’d ever argue for Katara and Zuko to be a couple is because of the ending where he saves her life from Azula. I mean, yes, he put her in danger quite a few times but he was slowly redeeming himself throughout all of that. This wasn’t the only time he saved her and tried to give his life for hers. Throughout the third season of him trying to redeem himself, he tried the hardest with Katara because he had already betrayed her trust once. 

Although, I’m still not saying they would’ve been the best couple either. Let’s not forget: they’re young -teenagers and children. If someone has found their soulmate already, good for them. It’s just abnormal and I’m trying to look at these relationships with a bit of a more realistic thought process. 

There are a few times this show has been about friendship:

Toph was once worried about their friendships, however, one line from Roku gave her confidence and soothed her completely.

“Some friendships are so strong, they can even transcend lifetimes.” -Avatar Roku

Really love this quote from Roku~ 

Zuko’s redemption ark was beyond the best point in the show and had me balling the entire time, every time I’ve watched it gets my heart throbbing for this boy! What if his mother had taken him with her? His life would’ve been so different and probably a lot better! The scar would be gone. No father abuse for him! Of course, without him the Fire Nation would be even worse then it ever was.

“It was to teach you respect!” -Ozai

“It was cruel! And it was wrong!” -Zuko

“Then you’ve learned nothing!” -Ozai

“NO! I’ve learned everything! And, I’ve had to do it on my own.” -Zuko

That conversation with his father, where he finally stands up to such a horrible man was beyond astonishing. Especially seeing as it seemed like something Zuko would never do. 

Although, Iroh new all along that Zuko is great.

“Then would you come and take your rightful place on the throne?” -Zuko

“No. Someone new much take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko.” -Iroh

Uncle has always believed in his nephew. That he would be the one to take the Fire Nation and bring balance to the world. They’re the best relationship in this show once Zuko stops being so angry.

Of course, there’s also the Mai of it all. 

They’re occasionally good for each other. Their relationship is highly problematic. Mai is an awesome character alone, standing up to Azula when she’s terrified of her is great! However, Zuko and her argue nonstop and have an on-off dating history. It can be tiresome to watch. There just wasn’t any chemistry between them that I felt.

The only thing that I love about them is the prison scene. (Which could’ve been a friendship scene.)

Even when Zuko locks her away she chooses him. That is when I thought perhaps their relationship isn’t terrible. She still chooses him afterwards. Their behavior before is erratic and not that of a good relationship. Mai alone wouldn’t have been a trouble thing. Honestly, I relate to Mai as a gayer character then straight.

Although, that leads me to think about Azula, the girl of evil.

“My own mother, thought I was a monster...” -Azula

She’s only fourteen and she’s been raised by an abusive mad man. The entire background just makes me wish someone had tried to love her instead of shown her hatred. Her mother feared her, didn’t even say good-bye. Her brother had to fight her in order to save her from herself and father. 

The thing that made her truly snap was her friends (only ‘cause they fear her) betray her. The last people she had on her side! She just needed love as Zuko did. It would probably take her years to recover from the madness just as it took Zuko. She needs love and help. Who was going to give it to her after the third season? 

In the graphic novels, it’s revealed Zuko has her in a special insane asylum trying to give her the mental help she needs. But, she still seems tense and full of rage. It would’ve been nice to see further into that department of the Fire Nation.

These two are both extremely important. Their bond throughout the entire story is amazing. Him becoming his teacher was his true redemption, true honor came from that act. Of course, he learned so much from hunting Aang and trying to kill him as well.

Above all else, Uncle Iroh (-Zuko’s true father-) is definitely my favorite of all the characters. He’s just so warm and always does the right thing. He waited for Zuko when he went down the wrong path continuously knowing Zuko would realize his mistakes.

The White Lotus is one of the greatest things about this show.

“Don’t you know? All old people know each other?” -King Bumi

He’s just so hilarious and random. All of the great masters together in a secret society despite their nation’s differences is the most grandest thing.

Of course, another favorite is Appa.

The episode portraying animal abuse is heartwrenching. Him being taken from the ones that love and protect him only to be beaten and abused. This show goes beyond any other show in displaying all the different types of abuse in the world- emotional, physical... And it covers even more than this.

Another piece of me would’ve been interested in seeing if Aang had died and a water Avatar born to be the last Airbender. *Cough, cough* Maybe Katara? She is the most powerful bender in the show after all.

“I will never ever turn my back on people who need me!” -Katara

Perhaps instead of killing Aang off, just have them be wrong that he’s the Avatar and so whoever was actually got killed during the air temple raid. Causing the line to move on to water. Aang could’ve been trapped in an iceberg to be able to teach Katara air. Of course, that may not work if he weren’t able to waterbend and freeze a bubble around him. But, there’s definitely an air pocket in there. 

It is one of the most beautiful cartoons ever created. Besides the fact I never really enjoyed Aang as the main character. All of the others are just so much more interesting then him, in my opinion.

Toph is one of the many characters I didn’t discuss. That fact just is that Toph is beyond incredible. She is the character that is ahead of her time. She proves that being disabled doesn’t mean she a person that’ll stop trying.That’s all, her blindness doesn’t work against her. Instead it works for her giving her a stronger way to see the world.

I’ll be doing Avatar: Legend of Korra at a later time. Trying to make sure I go back and re-watch everything to properly review it.

I really wish they would go back and create a show called Avatars about all of the past lives. Maybe 2/3 episodes to display each of them. There are hundreds and I’m curious to know more about them. I’d love to see Kyoshi as a badass teenager.