#have you tried having a bath
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TW suicide
my biggest conspiracy theory is that suicide helpline/crisis lines are purposely obtuse / useless, so that you’re so baffled by their advice that you forget that you wanted to die in the first place
#this is mostly a joke#i mean they are useless#have you tried having a bath#is my 13th reason why tbh#the fact anyone who’s ever used one knows the go to lines tells you everything#have you tried having a cup of tea#crisis line#samaritans#shout#tw#helpline#conspiracy theories#mental health#mental heath support#camhs is arguably the worst one#when i was 13 and in the school bathroom they asked me if i’d had a cup of tea#oh yeah let me just pull my kettle out me backpack#🥲🥲🥲#camhs#it’s a joke#this was inspired by a tweet#but i’ve always thought it#baffling#terrible advice#this is in no way me discouraging anyone from getting help#if you’re struggling pls reach out to someone#these places may not be perfect but they do help a lot of people#and at the end of the day that is the most important thing#reach out to someone
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OMG I JUST NOW REALISED IN YOUR POST "Dad dancing"
XELQUA USING THE MUMBO FOR MAYOR SHIIIIRT AGH
*Family Guy dead pose.*
yeah !! Xelqua occasionally wears Grian's clothes, they're big on him tho of course
#first time he reads the shirt hes like what is a mayo--rrrr#ask#kidxelqua#my art#sketching#his little.. adam sandler fit.......#he probably fell in mud or something and needed a bath and then grian realized he does not have extra kid clothes#<- tho in that case he shouldnt have the white shirt under but whatever#grian doesnt even wear shorts. those are the one pair he has. when he tried to wear shorts.#<- had to tie the strings for him tho#the shirt.... he was a bit thinner back then. struggling to yknow. exist.#its still big on xelqua but fits. when grian sees that hes like. was it that bad. why does that somewhat fit you
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🫧🫧🫧
#xiaoven#xiao#venti#genshin impact#genshin xiao#genshin venti#an AU where Xiao is a mermaid that lives in Venti's bathtub#they often have bubble baths together#which leads to shenanigans 👀👀#take that as you will lol#anyway was trying to capture that 90s anime filter type of thing i tried my best 🥲#art tag
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#saltburn#oliver quick#felix catton#hear me out#he tried to open the door felix must have heard that#come on let your little pathetic meow meow come in the bath with you
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considering the historical influences in the fashion of Dishonored (and the extent of nsfw fanfiction this fandom has) I’ve been thinking about the layers that would be, realistically, part of the daily dress
which means: dishonored seems to honour the importance of a vest in a properly dressed gentleman’s or lady’s wardrobe
vests were, and I cannot stress this enough, a mandatory part of an outfit, to the point of men wearing only vests if they could not afford a fully tailored suit (trousers + vest + jacket) and a new shirt and opting to only wear a fake collar under the vest for the illusion of a full outfit
shirts were underwear, so to speak. there were no occasions in ‘polite society‘ where one could only wear a shirt without a vest on top.
this is something we see mirrored in both dishonored games, though the style of the vests and clothing have somewhat changed, they still follow the same rules of vests worn with every outfit, as far as we can tell. (we could argue that Jessamine is not wearing one, or that some higher class women aren’t wearing vests under their buttoned up jackets, but since we don’t really see underneath we can’t judge.)
we see the vests be worn even by the Whalers in the first game (which in itself brings up many questions. are whalers, the actual whalers that capture and kill whales, held in high enough regard by the society that they made a vest part of their uniform? or is it merely something that is worn by all? something that every citizen of sound mind would don, were they to leave their house?)
there are a few exceptions to this, of course, but this whole thing came to be by asking a simple question
does the Outsider wear a vest under his leather jacket?
now, in the first game, his jacket is unbuttoned just enough for us to get a good enough peek at what lies beneath. which is to say: there is no hint of a vest underneath. judging by the vests in the first game, the fashion was that the vest would go up high, often covering collarbones or even having a standing collar. what we see on the Outsider is just... an unbuttoned shirt
it’s much the same in the second game, even if we examine his final concept art, his outfit consists of a shirt (more or less underwear) with most of the top buttons unbuttoned, and a jacket on top. no hint of a vest underneath
what I’m trying to say is that the Outsider is a slut
#dh#dishonored#the outsider#I got hyperfixated on fashion of the belle epoque (the inspiration for dh fashion) so most of this information in regards to history#should be accurate#mind you the books I read had a heavy focus on habsburg monarchy fashion so it might be slightly different to say the US or france etc etc#but that should be right#if anyone has stuff from the games to disprove the vest in higher classes statement bring it on#I doubt the artists would do such a great transgression against polite manners though /j#but yeah tl;dr the outsider wears the equivalent of a blazer on top of a bra#I have so many thoughts and feelings about the fashion in these games I could go on for Ages#this all started when I was thinking about human outsider being taken in by corvo and emily and as he takes his clothes off for a bath#a maid is absolutely scandalized by his lack of a vest underneath#I do want to acknowledge that there is concept art of outsider in dh2 that DOES have a vest under the jacket but that one went unused#the pattern on it kinda reminds me of the pattern on corvo's and emily's clothing tho that might be a reach. or just a pattern thats popular#i firmly stand by my headcanon that the outsider tries to imitate the fashion of the real world in the void with a bit of his own Void spin
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they are similar
#painting is Interlude by Jeremy Lipking#my beautiful Neki#I must tell you all how beautiful he is waking up in the morning.#he tries to blink the drowsiness from his eyes but he gives up so quickly#he isn’t fully awake for another half hour or so!! but I rush ahead#he’ll sometimes do some stretches when he gets out of bed#common one is the Touka Stretch! he reaches his arms over his head and grabs the opposite elbows!#he has very pretty arms. pretty muscles. his complexion is very even but his skin is a little dry#Kaneki likes to leave the curtains undrawn overnight so when the morning comes it illuminates him so wonderfully!#I love how he looks bathed in light he is truly a marvel#I love when he wears t shirt and shorts or briefs to bed unbeatable boy combo#anyway when he leaves his room he might go take a pee or splash his face or something (usually it’s bathroom time) but immediately after#he sets up the kettle to boil so he can have his morning coffee#the coffee is extremely important!!!!!! it is what will actually wake him up!!!!!!!!#until this point his house could’ve been moved to a different planet and he wouldn’t even notice#this is a secret but sometimes while waiting for it to boil if he’s leaning against the counter and no one else is up#he’ll start drifting off again…… don’t tell anyone 🤫 it’s really cute#and when he sips his coffee.. he may do a little sigh…#he’s only up that early when he has somewhere to be though otherwise my boy will sleep in so late#and then he goes to sit with his friends or somewhere where he can watch them a bit while he gets himself together#maybe Banjou will look at his bed hair and say “huh. you look like a dandelion”#and it’s true he is the most wonderful dandelion there is because you don’t even have to make a wish#he alone is like every wish come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my Kaneki!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌱🥰#kaneki time#kaneki ken
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Digging through Trigun Book Club stuff for the Trigun Reference Library and all I can think of is how TriMax Legato is the most Poor Little Meow Meow ever.
'98 Legato was effing terrifying. Totally stole the show from Worst Knives. But he gave me unrealistic expectations for TriMax Legato. TriMax Legato spends so much time being this pathetic little bagworm (who occasionally still bursts in on the scene with a steel chair somehow?) that he's difficult to take seriously, much less get worked up about. At least in the way '98 Legato works you up.
And then you add on his absolutely tragic (and yet completely understandable) attachment to Knives, which is made even more toxic by the fact that, like, ANYONE could have taken in TriMax Legato and he would have likely become a healthier individual than he was able to become under Knives. Hells, I think there's an argument to be made for him standing a better chance under Eye of Michael, and that's saying something, because those guys are fucked up.
Anyway, TriMax Legato is a 10/10 pathetic wet cat is all I'm trying to say here.
#and as anyone who's tried to bathe an angry cat knows#they can still kill you despite how pathetic they look#you just have to wrap them up in a purrito and hold on for dear life#legato bluesummers#trigun maximum#pancake thoughts
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as bucky's wife how do you feel about him keeping his arm in the dishwasher though
it's probably the most convenient out of all the options we've tried and i like that it sanitizes because dirt and debris and god knows what else gets into all the crevices and it comes out whenever he moves his arm which is gross when it is in our BED. so i allow the dishwasher
#ask liv#❄️ ask#anon#you know when you eat cookies or chips in bed#and then you're rolling around in crumbs#it's like that#except with. like. dirt and ash#and probably people's BONES#i can't live like that#and we've tried everything#he'd soak it in the bath but then it left grime in my tub#he'd spray it down with the detachable shower head but he'd get water all over the floor#we'd hose him down in the driveway like a car but it never quite got it clean enough#so this is the best way#things you never would have thought you would have to think about but now i do because i married a super soldier
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the internet was a mistake
#atlas entry#trying to file a change of address bc i just moved#first of all I googled “usps change of address” and the actual site was like the third result down#then while filling out the form I accidentally misspelled my name and it wouldn't let me go back#so i exited out the tab and tried again and it's like“#“you already started a change of address so you need to enter the 16-digit confirmation code we emailed you”#check me email. no code#go back to the site#“it may take up to 73 hours for your change of address to show up in our system”#I would do it on my computer but I Just Moved And Don't Have My Internet Set Up Yet#that's *72 hours see how hard it is typing on a phone#also they spammed the hell out of me with offers and coupons and I'm like I don't fucking care#no i don't want 20% off of Bed Bath and Beyond I want to change my fucking address why is this so hard
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compelling you to look at cute sleepover aki which was made by @secret-weeb-account
#I must share what they have made#LOOK AT IT#YOU HAD A SLEEPOVER WITH HIM AND THIS WAS THE RESULT#the braid in his hair..... so cute.....#the stickers.... and the hello kitty beret#aki who tries to understand hello kitty because you like it#aki letting you give him a makeover#and the. the hickey#im going to cream.#I NEED TO LEAVE HICKEYS ALL OVER HIM#he's in his bath robe here lol#need to give him many smoochies#in conclusion I love this.... so much......#so much talent..... they made him so cutie#smooshing him#kissing him#I'VE GOTTA LOVE HIM WITH ALL THAT I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE#LOOK AT IIIIITTTT#aki <3
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my keyboard is all squeaky clean from it's bath
#it tried a drink of my tea#so it was bath time for the keys and a deep clean of the internal parts using isopropyl#finding a screwdriver was the most frustrating part#logitech keyboard still going strong for what I use it for#started on my schoolwork today and I don't have money to buy a new keyboard right now#especially since one of my classes surprise requires a webcam#the one downside of touch typing is that you have no idea where any of the keys go when you go to put the keys back on
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you're using an aromatic ointment or balm of some kind - menthol roll-on, Tiger Balm, Salonpass, Icy-Hot, etc. etc. - you will benefit from the "this edible ain't shit" method.
Apply a little, then wait. Do not keep applying more because you don't feel anything instantly. You will have Regrets.
#elk text#ask me how I know#also for the love of peace do NOT use the bathroom or rub your eyes after#most products should have a warning about bathing soon before or after use but just in case - give it an hour#you cannot just wash tiger balm off. I have tried. it was a Mistake.
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Delaying my bath time so badly I start looking around the house in a bathrobe trying to find where that bulbasaur plush had gone.
#aria rants#my younger sis has a small bulbasaur plush and a few days ago started asking us where it went#and like-- shes the only one playing her toys so we went: what? then tried to find it but its nowhere to be found#easy and sad explanation is: someone stole it. cuz sometimes she'd put her toys RIGHT BY the front door#but am also hopeful and since my mom and lil sis are out. instead of alrdy taking a bath i decided to look through the house of it#cant find it still tho... so it might actually have been stolen but am still hoping and it may just be one of those:#you keep looking for something but it never showed up until it just appeared one day for some reason#so maybe itll show up unexpectedly one day if it wasnt actually stolen. oh bulbasaur where have you gone
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🦋
#seeing idiots phrase things re:biden as 'bUt TrUmP wOuLd bE wOrSe' 'hEd dO tHe SaMe tHiNg BuT kIlL pPl hErE tOo--'#makes me feel filthy. just reading the thought process makes me feel like i bathed in blood.#remember when biden first took office&ppl (ESP ppl from places w history being torn the fuck apart by usamerican presidents+policy)#were openly trepidatious about it bc trump had gone thru 2 separate secretary of defenses (one of which was fucking mad dog mattis)#specifically bc hes a toddler who couldnt sit thru meetings about international policy#while biden already had A Lot of history that left international blood all over his fucking hands#&ppl SCREAMED about 'WUT ABOUT US???? SO YOU JUST THINK WE SHOULD ALL DIE??? YOU JUST THINK WE SHOULD LET TRUMP KILL US ALL???'#'WE'RE JUST TRYING TO SAVE OURSELVES--'#the selfishness was palpable&disgusting when it was happening&seeing ppl in real time transmit that feeling directly into#'yeah theres a genocide going on BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT WE HAVE TO GO THRU WHAT YOU THINK TRUMP WOULD BE BETTER???#YOU WANT US ALL DEAD??? YOURE ALL SO MEAN. >:('#makes me feel disgust that i usually reserve exclusively for pigs+billionaires.#im glad nothing ever disappears on the internet. i hope these cunts are haunted by their centrism in the times that come.#palestine will be free and when historical revisionism tries to make all these ppl feel better about themselves by downplaying#their complicity in this horror there will be no running from their own fucking record of selfishness.
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A Visitor
Splinter shifted in his sleep, slowly becoming aware of another presence in his room.
Whoever it was had pressed themselves against his back, their warmth not unwelcome but certainly a surprise. His sons hadn’t climbed in with him since they were little.
Even after the invasion was over, they crawled in bed with each other rather then trying to squeeze into his tiny bed. He was convinced it had been a child’s mattress before April brought it home for him. She claimed it was twin size, but he called baloney on that.
So who on earth had chosen his bed to crawl into? Even Mikey had a hard time fitting in with him.
Not that whoever this was fit exactly. Splinter could feel himself sliding closer and closer to the edge. He was gonna kiss the floor if they didn’t move over soon.
A strange smell filled his nose. Almost like how Mayhem smelled when he hadn’t gotten a bath in awhile.
Then whoever it was let out a small bark.
Splinter’s eyes flew open. He switched on his bedside lamp and looked over his shoulder at the strangest surprise of his life.
A dog lay on his bed. A German shepherd, maybe four or five months old, with big ears and a round, twitching nose.
��What on earth?” His startled words woke the pup, who sat straight up and tilted its head at him. One of its ears flopped over.
“Aww!” He reached over and scratched the dog behind its cute ears. It leaned its head into his hand, closing its eyes in delight.
“You poor thing. You’re lost, aren’t you?”
He took a quick peek and saw that it was a girl.
“You’re a cutie. Yes you are, yes you are!”
The dog’s tail smacked a thumping rhythm on the bed, her bright eyes fixed on Splinter’s every move.
Where had she come from? Her fur felt gritty, and he wasn’t even sure it was its proper color.
“You need a bath. You smell like a dirt patch, and that’s coming from me!”
She barked in response. He shushed her, gently squeezing her face between his palms.
Another layer of dirt was smeared on his hands.
“You’re so grimy! If you’re going to stay with me tonight, you need a bath, young lady.”
He slid off the bed, the puppy bouncing after him.
He shushed her again and led her out into the living room.
So many things caught her attention, he ended up carrying her to the bathroom.
And he thought his sons had trouble staying focused! This dog’s nose caught the scent of everything in the whole house, and she just had to investigate it all.
He plopped her into the tub. She put her paws up on the edge, watching him rummage through the cupboard under the sink.
“Found it!”
Raphael kept a bottle of extra gentle body wash under the sink, claiming it was the only soap he’d use in the shower. He always said that Purple’s soap didn’t have enough of a smell, and Blue’s smelled too strong, and Splinter was pretty sure Orange just used hand soap.
“Red won’t mind sharing when he sees how cute you are.”
She barked again, her tail smacking the wall.
“Shhh! You’re going to wake the whole house!”
She tilted her head at him, her one crooked ear nearly covering her eye.
“Maybe you aren’t fully shepherd. Maybe Purple would know what you are,” he said, scratching her behind her bent ear.
“All right, are you ready for a bath? You want to be nice and clean?”
Half an hour later, the entire bathroom was soaked, he had soap on his pajamas and in his eyes, and dirty water swirled down the drain.
But the crazy dog was clean. Her dusty, dull colored fur had changed to a deep sable mixed with big golden spots.
“That didn’t need to be so hard. We could’ve been done in fifteen minutes, but you had to jump out of the tub a million times!” Splinter stood with his fists on his sides, glaring at a puppy who felt no remorse.
“Even my sons did better when they were your age. Shame on you, young lady!”
She was not shamed. Not even a little. She leapt out of the tub and shook off, flinging water everywhere.
“Ahh!” Splinter grabbed a towel and threw it over her.
He rubbed vigorously, fluffing her fur up. She shook three more times, her way of helping, he supposed.
He dropped the towel and looked around the bathroom.
Everything was wet and covered in dog fur. The puppy was still damp. He wanted to use his blow dryer on her, but he wasn’t sure she’d let him. And he didn’t have the energy to try.
All he wanted was to go back to sleep. He could take care of this mess in the morning.
“Come on, doggy. Bed time.”
Maybe she was tired too, because she followed him to his room without trouble.
He turned on his space heater and pointed it at the bed, hoping it would dry her fur out some.
He climbed under the covers, the puppy snuggling in next to him. He didn’t care what anyone said, he was sleeping until noon tomorrow! He had earned it.
“My sons are going to love you. They’ll forgive us for wrecking the bathroom eventually, right?”
The puppy snored softly in response. Splinter chuckled and rubbed her side.
“Yeah, they will.”
#tmnt#rottmnt#just a silly idea I had#have you ever tried to bathe a puppy?#you’ll lose ten years off your life#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt mikey#save rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt leo#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt leonardo#rise raph#rise leo#rottmnt raph#rise donnie#rottmnt movie#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt raphael#rottmnt michelangelo#rottmnt show#rottmnt splinter#tmnt splinter#riseofthetmnt#rottmnt fanfiction
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roommate's pissed at me again. yay
#i wanna talk about me#she's mad that i didn't leave the sink and bath absolutely spotless#and i'm like. bro we talked about this like yesterday can you give me A Week before you get on my ass about cleaning.#and shes like 'well i asked you like a month ago and you have all the time in the world'#you asked me to clean it Once last week. not regularly. that is not the same thing#i keep things clean to my level of comfort. i get that that's different from yours.#if that's a problem. you can tell me. and not be a bitch about it#and i will respond in time.#but also.#if i am not doing Enough for you.#you can also fucking wipe out the sink yourself#it is not that fucking hard#and me trying to explain or defend myself in conversation when you DO get on my ass about it#is not an invitation for you to CONTINUE to attack me.#sometimes. you have to step back. and say. okay sorry. and fucking leave it#WHICH IS WHAT I TRIED TO DO THE FIRST TIME TODAY YOU BROUGHT IT UP TO ME. BTW.#I JUST SAID. 'OKAY.' AND DROPPED IT#CAUSE IT WAS EASIER THAN ARGUING#AND YOU STILL#FELT THE NEED#TO GET ON MY ASS ABOUT IT AGAIN AFTERWARDS#MY GD. YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE THE LAST FUCKING WORD IN EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION. MY GD#sorry i wanted to clean up the entire pitcher of water that spilled in the kitchen and eat the lunch i just made before it got cold#before tending to your every complaint about my cleanliness skills. my sincerest fucking apologies.
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