#have you heard someone say they dont have to change
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with imposter1998 finally over after a short accidental but much needed hiatus, let me just say uh, FUCKING THANK YOU? LIKE WOW? i did not expect you guys to participate and theorize and interact as much as you did, quite frankly i think you guys put more thought into this objectively silly idea than i did lmao
never before in all my internet years have i encountered such a fun, sweet, supportive online fandom. for imposter1998 and for daily kremy as a whole, the support i got from the many like-minded nerds on here was crazy. the tags and comments were plentiful and inconceivably kind, there was daily kremy FANART, @papa-goose-ollie got the whadda hell is a grapefruit one printed on a fucking MUG. shits crazy. but like truly everything about this has been awesome and i dont think i could thank each and every one of you enough :)
however, i think daily kremy ends here for now. made it to 150, i think thats respectable, but yknowwwww interests change and whatnot. however, you can guarantee I'll be back once new eps come out!
anyway enough sap do you guys wanna laugh at me for how horribly shambled together this whole game was behind the scenes (more under cut)
so this whole game was meant to last exactly 1 week, and conclude the day before Halloween. that sure didn't end up happening. probably because I "planned" this all over the course of like THREE DAYS. the extent of my planning was a single sheet of a4 paper and a barebones notes app doc
THE TYPOS WERENT INTENTIONAL. IT WAS SO FUNNY AND EMBARRASSING EVERYTIME SOMEONE MADE A COMMENT LIKE "Aha! Another typo! It's all coming together now guys!" LIKE NOOOO STOP LOOKING AT ME DONT PERCIEVE ME PLEASE😭😭😭😭 it was absolutely on me though, adding that tag mentioning them. it was supposed to be a joke at my own expense and people rightfully took it as a hint, oops <\3
all the puzzles were from my own noggin 👍 but very inspired by a few escape room boardgames like EXIT that I've played before. i also didnt know a solitaire cipher was even a thing. i thought i was being smart when the REAL smart thing to do would've been, uh, a singular google search.
and lastly, in the spirit of daily kremy, everything was made at like 2 am the day prior to posting and i totally winged it everytime. as in i had no clear idea what I'd write, just a bullet point to work off of. work ethic? never heard of her.
no comment on the ending! but you guys are super smart im sure you can have fun thinking abt it :)
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the devil works hard but arcane fanfic writers work harder or however the saying goes
warnings: canon-typical discrimination, rushed bc I wrote this instead getting back the sleep arcane stole from me
WC: 1050
In the aftermath of the battle, as a gratitude for the Undercity's services to Piltover, the council voted to provide more jobs to Zaunites. Labor jobs away from the fissures, clerk jobs at the library, and even art commissions from the museum. The compensation was great too, allowing for so many people to afford food. But it came at a cost Piltover couldnt afford while recovering from war. It was Councilwoman Sevika's proposal for where the wealth would be drawn from. She proposed that the top 5% of Piltover's wealth holders would be taxed and the money be redistributed to all citizens affected by the war. It put a big target on her head but it meant her people could get jobs and eat.
Councilwoman Sevika first noticed you on your second day, when you were tailing behind Shoola in the corridor, holding a stack of papers to your chest. You were taken on as Councilwoman Shoola's secondary assistant, the one she passed the less favorable errands onto. You gave Shoola the benefit of the doubt when she passed her worst tasks off to you, you're aware you dont have much knowledge on politics. But it always felt targeted. Each day, you run her dumb errands and pretend to be aware of the glares and rude glances. Sometimes you manage sweet ignorance, too occupied with enjoying the fresh air to care about your hurt ego at all.
The two of you only made eye eye contact for a second but that second shocked Sevika. For the first time since she took her chair at the table, someone looked at her with something other than disdain. She had begun to think disgust was the only expression she would see tossed her way, but in a second you changed that. And gods, was it a needed change of pace.
Later in the week, Councilwoman Shoola hands you a stack of files,"Take those to the Zaun ambassador," she orders, you catch the way she avoids saying Councilwoman Sevika's name.
"Are these not for the meeting scheduled soon?" You inquire, needing to confirm your suspicions.
"They were. Please inform her the meeting will not be happening. Deliver the files," she says with a finality. You exit her office and as you walk the hallways to Councilwoman Sevika's office, you hear the voices of the other councilmembers through the shut door. You're suspicions are confirmed, the meeting was in fact happening, it was just happening without Sevika.
You walked into her office, looking at her like you did the first time you met eyes. It made her relax, knowing she was going to be treated like a person.
"Councilwoman Sevika," you greet.
She nods at you, "Have something for me?" It's your turn to relax, its it's been too long since you've heard someone speak informally.
"Yes, from Councilwoman Shoola," you inform her. Sevika squints at you, now that you're in the same room she notices more about you. She notices that you don't hold your chin obnoxiously high. She notices your imperfect posture. She notices the tiredness and weight in your shoulders that only someone from the Undercity could carry.
"Take a seat," she orders. You find a chair in front of her desk and sit, waiting for her to say something else. She looks over you again, confirming what she's already figured out. You tense with nerves.
"You're not topside. Can't tell you how much of a relief that is," she sighs. The tension in your body is gone when you realize you're not in trouble.
"Yeah. From the Lanes. Just a bit below the fissures," you tell her. She holds out her hand for the papers and you hand them over. She fingers through them, skimming over the contents before tossing them onto her desk. She wonders for a moment why you, Shoola's secondary assistant from the Undercity, would be delivering files to her.
"Why'd Councilwoman Shoola send you to me for this? We're supposed to discuss these things over a meeting. Couldn't it wait five minutes?"
You know the reason, you bite the inside of your cheek to hold back from letting the truth slip. She notices and calls you out on it.
"Out with it."
You sigh, deciding on the truth, "It's no secret the other councilors dont like you. They don't like you being on the council. They don't like you being their equal. Half of them really don't like you because you're the reason they're paying steep taxes. So Shoola, and likely some of the other councilmembers soon, hired me to do anything she didn't want herself or her actual assistant doing. Which right now, is keeping you from the meeting."
Sevika groaned and rolled her eyes, rubbing her hand over her face. It hurt you to see, the non-suprise at the blatant discrimination flashing across her face.
"Thanks. You don't have to stay here and keep me from their meeting anymore," she sighs, picking up the files and reading through them.
"I could stay and help. You don't have an assistant yet and I'll have nothing to do until the meeting is over," you offer. In truth you mostly offered to stay so you could continue being treated like a person.
"How well do you know their laws?" she asks. The answer is very little.
"Not much," you answer.
She picks a book up from her desk and tosses it at you. You try to catch it but it passes through your fingers and thuds into your lap. You pick up the book and read the cover, which simply reads "The Ethos". You're shocked and ecstatic, Shoola took no time in making sure you were versed in their laws. But within minutes, Sevika was handing you a book for you to study.
"You can go. Study that, you seriously need it. And I'll have a word with her about tonight's 'cancelled' meeting personally" she says. Now she has officially ordered you out, you have to leave.
"Good night, Councilwoman Sevika," you say in farewell.
Once you're gone, Sevika moves over to her typewriter. She's pressing down hard and angry onto the keys, typing out a letter to Councilwoman Shoola. She types out a list of her grievances. Then she types out a request to have you transferred as her assistant.
deep sigh.... councilwoman sevika<3
#councilwoman sevika#sevika arcane#sevika x reader#I have yet to sleep#why did I write this instead of sleeping#oh right#BECAUSE MY WIFE LIVED
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My mom wants to move in together here in the near-ish future, I've asked her to go to therapy so we can communicate now and then - "I've been to enough therapists offices for a lifetime, I don't know why we just can't talk to each other," was her response.
#now i have no idea what to do#parents#i quit my job and moved across the country to help her#she says she wants to separate from my dad but i dont believe her#these two should have been divorced long ago#my parents are the worst to each other#dad#they say there is love for each other but i dont see it#i need to go to my own therapist now#divorce#like who says that to their child#fighting#my mom needs serious help#i dont love her the way she wants me to#mom#like are we at intervention level yet?#asking for a friend#and for myself#someone on PBS just said if we learn to communicate then things could be better#wooooooah i couldnt have said it better myself#mental health is hard for boomers#have you heard someone say they dont have to change#she doesnt know how to love me because she wasnt loved as a kid#but like if she went to therapy they would help her see she is loved and is worthy of love
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need y'all to realize tme doesn't mean transmasc. tme doesn't even mean afab (and the idea that tma people are attacking tme people for their agab is extremely transmisogynist) a cis man is tme. a cis woman is tme. transneutral people who are afab, amab, and intersex are mostly likely tme. intersex people can be tme or tma. tme just means Transmisogyny exempt. i'm tme. my parents are tme. You are just making it endlessly harder for tma people to talk about their oppression because you think every time they say tme they're attacking transmascs. maybe if you gave a fuck about tma people you wouldn't nitpick their language. just saying.
edit: i deleted my previous edit because i realized i was being stupid as hell.
#transmisogyny#ideal.txt#when i first heard the terms i was also confused and thought it was just a fancy new way of saying afab/amab#but it isnt!#if u put more than two seconds of thought into it you realize its just a tool to talk abt transmisogyny!#if you hate the terms you need to examine why exactly its a problem for you for it to be easier for tma people to talk about#their oppression#i understand if u dont want to put “tme” in your bio. if it feels too much like “afab” to you. i dont like it in my bio either#so i just put transmasc so ppl know im tme anyway!!#and if youre not talking abt transmisogyny or trans topics as a whole then you really dont need it#but if you are its important for people. especially tma people.#to know if your posts are coming from someone who is affected by transmisogyny#it changes the conversation. some things are different to hear from a tma person than a tme person#just like if youre talking about race its best to clarify if you are not someone affected by racism#if i as a white person make a post abt racial topics its very important to anyone reading to know that that is not something#that i have any firsthand experience with. and the way i talk abt things like that would obvious be affected.#anyway sorry for ranting i know this post has definitely been made 500 times before but im very annoyed#tme/tma
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yeah so i dont get the "wasn't that some fucked up shit? anyway i'm Rod Sterling" mentality some people have towards different narrative reads. It's all sweet and cool to want to explore all the different variations of a fucked up scenario, but i'm gonna need the reasons for it. I need the "why"; why are we exploring this thing? Why is it important to explore this story? what am i getting out of it? and no it's not about morality.
I dont need a story to teach me "good" life lessons, though that'd be lovely. I dont need it to be an exceptional and exemplary narrative even, but i need my discoveries to be purposeful and meaningful. Sometimes the aim for an exploration of say, a very tragic story, is to simply experiences the different flavours and nuances and complexities of a deeply held personal emotion; sometimes it helps us find the mirroring and connection and relatedness that we need to feel seen and heard and understood. Sometimes it helps you parse out your own bullshit by taking it out of your head and putting it in front of you– i dont care what the reason is, but there's a reason. There's a purpose for every single endeavour you take on, even if you haven't discovered the reason yet. "i just want to experience a fucked up shit" lazy superficial thinking, dig deeper. I hate superficial and purposeless shit; and no i'm not gonna explore the 863796373th trending trauma porn piece of the day because "wouldn't that be fucked up?" nah. I dont care, it's got no use to me. I will absolutely respect the endeavour and make space for it if someone tells me something as simple as "it is relevant to me and my interests and experiences and my mental preoccupations, and helps me refine my humanity and my understanding of humanity in general", that is a lovely and true statement. But if someone keeps churning out worst possible fucked up sad scenarios one after another under the "wouldn't that be fucked up?" flag, i'm out, i dont give a fuck. take your sad shit somewhere else, i have absolutely zero space for purposeless horrible narratives that positively add nothing to my life and dont help me navigate it in any meaningful way.
#and no we dont say the same thing about happy stories because happy stories feel good. that can be a purpose in and of itself#if someone tells me that tragic stories make them feel good i can still make space for it; it's not as sturdy a means but it'll do just fin#i literally dont get the '' fucked up story for the sake of fucked up story'' crowd like ???????#you guys do understand that we live by the narratives we immerse ourselves into right?? you know that our worldviews and beliefs#and conscious/subconscious frameworks are all stories we tell ourselves right?? right?????#This rant delivered to you by me seeing that tumblr famous Tamsyn Muir quote 3 in the morning and like#lmaoooo no.#millenials leak their incessant nihilism into every fucking crevice of the arts and it's so tiring to watch.#no your constant deconstruction of meaning and purpose and value is not cute#no you're not subversive and revolutionary for creating the 85379637th Sad Shit Of The Day— you're literally protocol behavior#and you couldn't be more in alignment with the moral status quo of our time.#no aimless and listless shock value traumatic stories are not fun and 'adventurous';#they just speak to you circling right back into the comfortable confinements of your socially acceptable superficiality#and vapid consumerism.#goddd i'm tired. lack of purpose frees these fuckers from ever having to align with any substantial endeavour in their goddamn lives#and they think it's so funny; it's not.#I expect something out of the stories i explore. ''tragedy for the sake of tragedy'' is the laziest thing i have ever heard.#humans are designed to be happy; they're also designed to engage in meaningful and intentional growth.#own up to anything to gives you a chance to grow and expand and change or get the fuck out of my face#this blog is an absolutely unsafe space for socially sanctioned neutered nihilism#i will hunt you for sport; it doesn't matter anyway right??
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jesus christ like i only finished the sumeru story like a few months ago but i already forgot your literal first intro to kaveh is a scene of several minutes of him and alhaitham fully bitching at each other
#GIRLJFDSKLFHFKLSJG they are FIGHTINGGGGG god they have so many issues <3#it's sweet to see them get along a lil more in recent stuff#but also so very funny when they still argue#but also MY GOD the situation was DIRE like going back and watching rn. hoougfhghfdh lol#it's SOOO funny tho like#kaveh as a person is very reactive in general#but like. alhaitham isnt. hes normally sooo monotone and cool and collected or whatever#but you put kaveh into the scene and hes like Oh I Have To End This Man#his voice actually fluctuates so much and hes such a little BITCH!!!! the way they fight like petty teenagers 😭😭😭#ughghhhghgh kaveh ur the special one bc youre the one hes got all the history and the angst and the affection with lol#sorry it's 130am and im back to my old sleep deprivation habits and im coping via thinking about alhaitham and kaveh#anyway kavehs so funny hes in this scene like TELL ME WHATS GOING ON TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME#alhaitham: shut the fuck up also when are YOU gonna build a COOL MANSION HUH???????#kaveh: MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!!!! <- ok king of hypocrisy jkaJKLFDJSKLFJ#the way that they both are. good lord. im obsessed with them SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AS IF IT'S MY FAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULT#ive heard clips from i think both voice actors saying how theyre like yeah i made sure to change the tone of voice when theyre talkin#about each other specifically fkljsdjfkldsb JEEZE!!!!!!!#alhaithams so funny hes like hehehehe i almost became a grand sage while you were gone 😏 heh he ha ha bitch#like god he has so much fun bullying kaveh he literally almost never Experiences Joy in other situations#<- havent. dont i say this about jamil also. that often times jamils rare laugh animation plays when hes bullying azul. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also i love that kaveh is just fully Yelling in the library or whatever. i mean it's the ~house of daena~ or w/e but also there are books#it is a library and hhe is so loud. i love u kaveh#sometimes it's so confusing tho like kaveh will very much be angrily yelling but his animations going 😃#like wh. what was the tone in the original fjksldjfskld#i did see once ALLEGEDLY. someone said that the og chinese dialogue between them is a bit less aggressive#and a lil more playful bantering? IM NOT SURE if that's true tho thats just a random comment i saw once
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It has been 0 days since the last "old man leaves blood tracked around the entire house and goes on with his day UNbothered" incident....
I cannot fucking verbalize how disturbing this shit is... I literally can't get up at 7am to take a sleep-drunken piss without having to wake up fully and fucking bleach the floor because I look down at my shoes and realize I'm STEPPING in someone else's BLOOD. AGAIN!!@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!
same guy that leaves food out for the mice, puts his used dirty dry ass dentures flat on the kitchen counter, leaves bloodied bandages on the TABLE!!!!!!
and every time you try to have a conversation with him he goes "oh haha!" and trundles off, absolutely utterly regardless of what the topic is. Period. Always. Once during a fucking tornado he sat upstairs watching TV, chuckled at us rushing to the basement as the sirens wailed, I informed him "we already lost everything once, we don't need to do it again" and he said "ha ha ha" and went and sat in front of the TV again.
Once he said "I wonder why the mice keep coming back in the summer?" And Bel looked him in the eyes and said "you! It's because you leave them full course meals every day, you should scrape your plate off into the garbage when you're done with it :)" he said "oh haha!" Wandered off and then never once cleaned his plate, continuing to leave full plates out overnight (im talking 3 corn cobs biscuits and gravy), and "thawing" ALREADY THAWED MEAT on the counter for upwards of 10 hours before just... sticking it back in the fridge???
He is literally not even on this plane of existence. To the point where he refuses to use his cane and yet falls down multiple times per day. I don't understand how he continues to live. Fucking energy vampire. Literally!who needs a cane! he just asks us to help him up off the floor! then refuses said help while we stand there and watch him struggle. he has THE most weaponized incompetence i have EVER encountered. He literally just likes an audience!!!! That's all he wants and he gets it for free every day!!!! Every day he lives one day longer and Thorin, Bel and I feel years age off our fucking lives in exchange!!!!!
I CANT! KEEP DOING IT! I NEED TO FIX MY CAR AND GET OUT OF HERE IM GOING FUCKING INSANE I DIDNG SIGN UP FOR DAILY BIOHAZARD WASTE REMOVAL IN EXCHANGE FOR MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!LIVING IN THE WOODS IS BETTER ILL TAKE IT ANY FUCKING DAY
Hot tip: if you become homeless DONT just take the first offer of a roof over your head IF you can absolutely help it at all, ESPECIALLY if you became homeless due to fleeing abusive family. You will very likely just end up with someone else's abusive dad instead :) repeatedly :)))
#me#his foot js literally festering and falling OFF and bleeds nonstop and he changes his bandage like..... maybe once every 24hrs. maybe.#the fact that he bleeds on the bathroom floor DAILY is bc he just puts a sock on it and goes to bed#then bleeds thru his entire sock by like 1am#'hes giving you a place to stay be nice' the TOLL it takes is PSYCHOLOGICAL!!!!!#our friend (his kid) invited us here. not him. he literally doesnt even remember we are here lmao.#he likes having other ppl here to torment besides his own family#unfortunately when u become homeless u get a lot of offers of help from ppl who are simply opportunistic rather than genuinely kind.#pat falls solidly into this category.#i think his wife is slightly more kind than neutral but she makes constant excuses for him#even when there's 4! other witnesses and beer cans all over the house she doesnt beleive hes drinking!#so maybe she cares more but she likewise doesnt do anything about any of it. ever. she just lets him fuck up whatever he wants.#theres a REASON why so many homeless people would rather be the on the fucking street than take any random offer of housing.#even from a housing commission. bc it is likewise staffed by people and people are opportunistic fucks.#a lot of ppl want to THINK of themsleves as someone who would help a homeless friend in a pinch#w/o actually realizing what that entails#then when you (the person in need) say 'actually i need a different thing instead bc what you gave me isnt all that helpful'#suddenly your 'friend' of many years is calling you the ugliest words youve ever fucking heard#saying you took advantage and that youre ungrateful and that youre not trying and you dont want help.#its very easy for everyone to believed the housed person in that scenario.#they have all the power. they control the narrative.#prsnl
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very sad 90% (not all) of my relationships (friendship and otherwise) is reliant on just me making the first moves, whether it be texting first or even starting and maintaining conversations when we r in person. it's kinda so depressing and exhausting.
#hush jelly#vent#idk is it too much to wanna feel wanted#and if i mention it change only happens for a short time#then it just goes back to the way it was#n people always say they just dont want to feel rejected#and its like....#someone isnt always gna wanna talk to u/hnag out etc.#but why should that stop u from trying#idk??? like i know people dont always wanna talk!!!! i still reach out#i still send them silly posts#i still text to check up#or talk to try and start conversation#its not always gna work#and what#just cause i didnt feel like talking once#suddenly youll never intiate again#suddenly its just not worth the effort to reach out and recieve nothing ?#like do u even really care if u dont at least try?#i still check up on people i havent heard from in months#i know its hard sometimes to respond to people#but its always worth the effort for someone u care about#and is it really so much to ask that they extend you the same courtesy#i can think of only two people in my life who do this for me excluding family#thats depressing#and its exhausting for me#my own partner wont text me first#like girl....#i knoe u wanna talk to me#you have said it before
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A good chunk of my dream today was spent on a bus traveling with my dad where after a very long while of being annoyed by an old woman an old classmate whose face and voice i remember but his name i don't encouraged me to tell her, and tell her i did. At first i started speaking formally but by the end I snapped and i was straight up screaming about how she's annoying and i hate to see her face every time i get on this goddamn bus and it was time someone told her these things. There wasn't a reaction from anyone because i was waking up tho so the dream fell apart before my own eyes.
#luly talks#there were also some moments of claustrophobia probably because my horrible anxiety as of lately#first one was after me and my dad tried to skip paying ticket we were forced to go to the corner behind the bus driver seat#between the machine to pay#and wait until the next stop to do so#second time was after i went to sit on the back because the middle had some weird long seats#there was a very weird guy next to me but i was ignoring him until between him and some other guy (it wasnt intentional they weren't trying#to hurt me but they were doing it anyway) i got stuck and i was like begging them to move snd let me go and saying i was stuck#as i tried to squiggle away#i got away from that bug fuckin g BITING them#and finally the last was before i finally snapped where someone screamed something and i looked out of the window and i realized the bus#was going underwater so i grabbed onto this classmate and ducked down not even caring about it being weird#but then it cleared like nothing and due to that stress i just snapped at the woman#who let me give more context: when my dad and i tried to skip paying she started talking shit in that old woman fashion#but then she wouldn't stop complaining about this student who had done a graffiti because apparently the bathrooms were trash#and one of the things i told her is ''you can have us from morning til noon making graffitis and cleaning them up but that won't change#that the bathroom is still shit#also i think she wanted to cause some repercussions for me speaking like that bc she was like DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I WORK AT ...#and i was like No i don't i never heard of it im new im from the city but with the most arrogant tone ever#anyway it was fun
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Thanks for your post explaining the situation surrounding Mariusz quitting his job! You write: "As someone who lives in Wrocław and is a student at its Music Academy I can only tell you - he was... not much liked, to put it lightly, by the Big People". By all means, he was a celebrated opera singer in Europe and the USA. What made them dislike him so much?
oh goodness gracious, i really cant say, why would you even ask me that! im the last person who'd engage in such shameless gossiping!
sike lol
i never heard anyone say he was not a great artist. no one doubted that. people only questioned whether he was the right guy for the job, only having experience as a singer, a perfomer, no matter how renowned. or rather, the main issue was - how much, having no experience in the position he now occupied, he was earning. because that really was an insane (and i mean. INSANE) amount of money.
Ołdakowska getting the job of the director was also a pretty controversial thing, so automatically, people who weren't in favour of her winning, didn't also like Kwiecień since she was the one who chose him for the job.
then there was the issue of the changes Mariusz wanted to make. he was in favour of promoting young, new singers and hiring big names for guest performances, ergo, many of the singers who had already been hired full-time for years by the opera house in Wrocław stopped getting big roles etc. no roles - no money (or rather, very little money, the bare minimum actually). this, coupled with the amount Kwiecień was earning... well.
he and Ołdakowska also promised Big Things but sadly they both got the jobs in the beginning of 2020 and we all know what happened then, not much could actually be done when the entire world was more or less paralysed by the pandemic.
and yeah, that's more or less it. id say, tl;dr in the end it's always all about money. and some personal beef he may or may not have had with some people, i really can't say cause that's all i know.
#please remember that in the end we're all just sipping tea and gossiping here. i say what i know what ive heard.#but do take into account that i generally tend to Not Know Shit on many topics so. yknow. dont take my word for godsent truth#no matter how tempting it is 😇 having said that.#i personally know some young singers who worked with him and never heard them say a bad word about him#but then again#being a nice person doesnt magically erase other things that you fucked up#i stated my personal opinion on the issue with the changes he made that not everyone welcomed in the previous post#so i wont say a thing about that here#the money thing... look. he stated his price. someone had to agree to pay him that amount. they could have said 'no sir that's fucked up'#but they didnt. they hired him for that amount and it's not like. illegal or sth. the morality of it is a different thing altogether.#and ngl i am biased because ive been a huge fan of mariusz since i can remember.#but the truth is - i know if the same thing was done by eg n*trebko or someone i dont like id absolutely drag their ass through dirt#and say it's a scandal so.#thankfully its not my job to have an opinion about him as a person. all i know and care about is that he is an amazing artist.#a spectacular actor. a decent baritone. and it is to him that i owe a huge part of why i fell in love with opera in the first place so#there you have it#mariusz kwiecień#opera tag#gossips uwu
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My therapist said I need to start thinking about what I want and not what everyone else wants. Why is this so hard? Everything I want is the opposite of what everyone else wants.
#so i just agree with them to avoid a fight#and i need to make my own opinions#which i think i do have#i disagree with ppl about stuff#not v often#in fear of a fight#but i still make it known i disagree#aunt kim was not happy when i said id be fine with trans ppl coming into the bathroom with me and children#she told me they were all going to attack me#which is not true#idk where she gets that idea#most trans ppl are chill#and im sure if they are in the bathroom they must have to do a bathroom activity or two#most ppl dont just go into the bathroom to attack ppl#even most cis ppl dont do that#aunt kim told mom i was aggressive#but she talked about this topic everyday for over a week!#you would think shed figure out she cant change my mind by day four or five#by day eleven i just got pissed#and then she said tey would ALL attack me#which is such a fucking lie#ofc i got pissed off#how can you think a WHOLE group of ppl are going to attack everyone#like#is there some unspoken rule they have about attacking ppl in the bathroom#NO!#what i really wanted to tell her was to shut her fucking mouth.#and ive never heard someone say something so stupid in my life#bc thats true#stupidest thing ive ever heard
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ig my problem with the whole bullying thing is that so many of the leftists who do it self identify as communists of some type or really emphasizes community.... but clearly doesn't care about actually cultivating an environment where everyone in the community feels safe and welcome..........
#i kinda dont think you care about community at all and your only issue with america is that *you're* not in charge#i kind of think you're trying to heal your social trauma of being bullied yourself by wanting to gain control of everything and be#the queen bee clique leader this time instead. so YOU can be the one to socially shame and punish people finally#which is just... such a loser ass thing to do lmao. i promise whatever you've gone through doesnt justify inflicting it on others.#i get how you might think it will fix things- sometimes when im really angry and emotional i feel that way too- but be realistic here#you're literally doing nothing but continuing the cycle of abuse. dont you want to be the one who breaks it?#if you care about community so much why dont you know basic conflict resolution skills or how to communicate without making fun#of someone or try to be fair and unbiased or understand that punitive justice is bad or stop fucking bullying people like a fucking child#or how to be democratic or literally ANYTHING that ACTUALLY requires caring about the well being of people that would#also require you to retire being a bully and change for the better#on the note of communication- do you even *know* how to effectively communicate things? and are you sure you do?#bc i assumed i did until i went to therapy and was taught. you have to make the other person feel seen and heard#and i dont mean just *feel* it i mean you do have to actually see and hear them out if you want to come to a compromise or solution#i just really dont think a lot of yall care about community as much as you say and just want a social safety net#which is fine to want just dont then go and pretend you also care so so much about community when you're clearly fine with#dividing it all up
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hiii just wanted to say i hope your illness isnt treating you too badly and you feel better soon <33
thank you <33333 im feeling a bit better :) i have to go back to school tomorrow though :( which i am not at all looking forward to but if i want to stay home longer id need a doctors note and idk if im sick enough to go to the doctor for a note for one day yknow
#friday is the worst day out of the whole week too#i start with a class that has no translation i know of#its during religious classes meant mainly for non-religious people but its very very odd#its meant to teach you morals & all the teachers act as if you picked the class bc you want to & not bc you have no other option#we see the same things every year & its all very very surface level stuff#usually themes like identity social justice & such#but its all like “describe yourself in 5 words” “keep a diary for 12 weeks & let your teacher read it”#“did you know you can be transgender?? :0 here's a documentary on the luckiest trans person on earth”#“who has a supportive middle class or rich family a supportive social group and passes perfectly”#“look at this movie of a poor disabled child getting bullied and being just so sad. did this change your view towards disabled people?”#“philosophical question time! if i put an apple in front of you would you say it is dead or alive?”#“i heard someone call their friend dumb as a joke and now im going to talk for 2 full hours on the effect words can have”#“it is actually morally wrong to jokingly insult people btw”#its ridiculous and ive reached my limit honestly i cant not act annoyed anymore#ive started answering the 'who are you?' questions with stuff like someone who does not want to do this anymore#anyway sorry for ranting at you#i dont think i can even communicate how annoyed i am after having had this class since i was 6#ig it really needed to get out#you can just ignore all that#also its kind of like its own fake religion? like they have a 'church' and do certain events at certain ages?#fake religion for those who dont believe but still want to have those rituals to partake in ig#and ive heard a lot of bad things about them in certain regions#where i am theyre okay thankfully#you can ask to not have to do any of the religious classes#but our school really doesnt want you to so they make it as complicated as possible#so its filled with people who do not at all care about it or what the teacher is saying#people#jask#asks
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dont resd 🙏
#sometimes i wanna violate you#what?#you heard me#dont look at me like that damien. you heard what i said#acting shocked that that came out of my mouth. despite it also being your mouth. you WANT to be violated.#dont. say that. dont say that. dont. please#freak of nature. a man who argues with himself for his owm comfort because he cant admit all his wrongs.#you do this so itll be less real. so you can divert the blame and say youre ‘not as bad as that!’.#you know youre just talking to yourself damien. this IS you. dont pretend it isnt#stop. saying that. stop. please#not my fault youre a freak and lie. make things up. like this.#but im not#yeah sure. people talk to themselves all the time you sick fuck. youre doing this because its the only way you can get all of your self-#hatred out. so you can speak to someone who will listen but wont dare to respond. because there IS nobody to respond.#if this isnt real thrm why are we having this conversation#because youre a sick attention whore. thats why. what youve been since you were a kid. why would it have changed?#you remember how we used to do this? when clover was here? that lovely little thing. youd talk to yourself a lot!#you wouldnt feel scared if this was real. youre pathetic and youll lose everyone youve got because you do shit like this. because nobody.#absolutely nobody. can handle you. youre too much. you always have been. youll be too much for them too.#no point in begging me to stop. this is where this conversation ends. think about what ive said#okay
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#every time i ask for help it ends up worse than it was#when i ask my mom she accuses me of not wanting help and not knowing what i want and how its my fault i dont want to be better#im always accused of not wanting help and not doing anything as if im not always researching and calling doctors and social workers#but thats my mom shes crazy and manipulative#but then when i take friends by their word that i can always talk to them and open up and say that i need them#i get ghosted???? 🥲#like its kinda funny at this point#and i know its a common autistic thing that people think that we dont mean what we say and play down our emotions#and that freeze and fawn trauma responses change how we show distress and sometimes makes us not show it appropriately#but every time i said#hey im feeling really bad i need you#to someone#they answer way too late and go like haha oops oh well!!!! sorry so busy!!!#as if my request had a time limit and now it didnt matter anymore#or they literally stop answering me for months#i texted my mental hospital friend in november for her birthday and she answered in january and i told her im in distress#and i havent heard from her since#every time i need someone their own life comes in the way which is fine and natural but#i really get the feeling i only matter to people#when im there for them and to help them or when im fun to be around#everyone says hey its okay and important to ask for help#people who care want you to ask for help#and i remind myself of that and try to work on my abandonment issues and all the self isolating#and then i get ignored and abandoned and i literally cant do it anymore 🥲#i know its unfair to think my friends should know that im having a stressful time so they should know better and check on me#so i dont do that and i communicate#but it doesnt do anything!!!!! literally nothing!!!#i think its even making it worse because they think theyve let me down so much i wont ask again and theyre off the hook#what else can i do????? like genuinely im so confused#and because i get hung up on those things i get borderline diagnosis that are wrong because i obsessively try to be fair and not too clingy
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"hey. what the fuck, man"
- one of our fictives coming to front for the first time in eight months and immediately scrolling past fanart of him even though we literally haven't seen content from that fandom much less of that character since we left it eight months ago
#seriously how is it that we constantly have coincidences where someone comes to front#and then something incredibly relevant to Specifically them IMMEDIATELY happens#scroll past fanart of a guy for the first time in months at the same time he's fronting for the first time in months#someone comes back to front and IMMEDIATELY one of Their Songs plays on our like 1000+ song shuffle#(and usually we only pick like 2 or 3 Per Guy we don't usually have enough favourite songs that it's super likely)#someone says something in headspace using some word and we think like 'thats a word we dont use often how unusual'#and then two minutes later that same word is said in whatever we're listening to like. Thats Weird That We Heard That Word Twice#anyway back on topic of the guy this post is about we keep trying to catch him up on What He Missed#but every time we say 'yea man it's been months' hes like 'no it hasnt' and simply moves on#he just Refuses#this is the same guy who when we introjected him we were like 'welcome to the system'#and he was just like 'nah I'm not part of a system I'm not in front' while. in front talking solely to the other guys in his head.#and like it's not like. being in denial i don't think. i think he's just fucking with us#because that's entirely in character for him#just the 'im not stealing' he said putting multiple things in his pocket in plain view type of energy#and then if someone goes 'no you did i literally just saw you do it!!!' 'no i didn't' *continues shoveling things into his pockets*#so we mention multiple months have passed and he's just 'nah'#little shit.#also he did acknowledge the other changes that happened so he knows Time Has Passed at least#just *finds out we don't talk to someone anymore* oh why??? :( *finds out why* Oh. :|#no fuckin remorse as soon as he found out he was like 'aight they're dead to me now no questions asked what's next'
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