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everythingsinred · 1 year

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 21)

Finally! We have at long last reached the Sports Festival Arc, one of my favorite arcs, and perhaps even my last favorite arc! I like parts of every arc, but I find the Sports Festival to be one of the last Perfect TM arcs. Just my opinion.

We'll aggressively analyze Mikan's love for Natsume in this arc, something she will definitely not be doing herself, even though she will be repeatedly confronted with it, especially with Luna's arrival to Class B.

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Chapter Seventy-Seven

Need y’all to know that this is the fourth google doc I’m using for this essay. I figured I’d open a new one to celebrate a new arc beginning. We’re officially 87600 words in. Very impressive!

The chapter begins with a lot of bad news for Mikan and friends. She has been having nightmares where she’s chased by Persona, probably a consequence of the traumatic experience of nearly being murdered by him, with the added pizazz of hearing the ESP’s voice warning her not to lose anything important. Mikan is so haunted by this that she is even afraid to fall asleep since the dream feels so real. We can discern from this state of unease that she might not be getting the proper sleep she needs to remain alert, and she seems pretty out of it at times.

I'm afraid... "Where's Natsume?" Maybe... she thinks of him because he makes her feel safe? Hmm?

Mikan’s mood changes when she realizes that Natsume is absent from the dining hall. He’s been on an alleged “trip” for three days and she is curious about where he’s gone--probably missing him, though she’d never admit it.

Mikan has been going to Hotaru’s room to get some sleep, seeking comfort for her nightmares. But she also seeks Natsume at this point too--he’s been able to help her a lot the last few times she’s faced a problem and he was able to make the problem feel small or insignificant. The fact that she seeks his presence now makes sense, even though she doesn’t actually put the two thoughts together.

In any case, a whole term has passed and now is the beginning of a new school year, so Mikan is now officially a sixth-grader!

Goshima has been appointed the new student council president, which Mikan is excited about regardless of the negative changes he promises to bring--and that’s because she’s not really paying attention to him. Instead, her attention is on the fact that, just as Yuu had suggested, Natsume is on stage with the other principal students for the ceremony.

"He looks a little more adult now..." she also says... Damn, Mikan.

Natsume has been gone a lot, apparently, and although the reader (us) knows that he’s been going on an increased amount of missions for the DA class, Mikan has no clue. She’s just excited to see him. “After making us worry so much!” she says. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen Natsume!” And, yes, the class hasn’t seen him a lot these days, but Mikan was the one vocally worrying. We have discussed at length Mikan’s attempts to distance herself from her feelings by saying “we” or “people” when she means herself. This is about as close as we’ll get to her admitting that she’s been worried and missing him.

Her focus is entirely on him, that he looks tired, wondering where he’d been all this time, noticing that he looks more grown-up all of a sudden.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Mikan has not seen Natsume consistently for a while. She’s already in love with him, as we’ve discussed, but having the object of her affection leave her sights for a while and then return makes the feelings he brings--including attraction--come back suddenly, making her think that he looks different somehow. Yes, the kids are growing and he might have had a growth spurt, but I think the absence hit her as well.

She is snapped back to reality by Goshima’s conclusion. She has missed his announcement of controversial new policies, including the establishment of a morals committee (the fukitai), a means to control the rebellious spirit of the students associated with Mikan and Natsume. This is awful and terrifying and no such institution has ever brought feelings of comfort or safety to a school, but it’s interesting that Goshima’s entire address went over Mikan’s head because she was too busy staring at Natsume. She managed to disregard his warnings as well as the concerned gossip surrounding her because of her distracted focus. Wow!

Her mood is dismal now because she’s thinking of the ESP’s Christmas warning not to lose anything important to her--the threat feels more potent with each new piece of information. The fukitai will be standing guard in each classroom, apparently, and none of the students are pleased with that. Mikan feels like her darkest nightmare came true.

But the gloomy mood made her think of Natsume, and she perks up. (“When I hear 'gloomy,' I think of Natsume. When I think of Natsume, I think of slanty eyes. When I think of slanty eyes, I think of foxes--”) Just the thought of him changes her mood and she looks over the room to try and find him, only for Ruka to inform her that he won’t be in class today. Though it’s a short scene, I think it’s telling that the excitement of seeing Natsume again changes her entire mood and makes her entirely forget her worries and concerns, if only for a moment.

Mikan rushes to the SA class to share good news with her senpai but is sadly crushed by two immediate revelations: one, that the fukitai are haunting this classroom as well, and two, that Tsubasa is absent. Many excuses have been made by Noda and Tsubasa for where he’s been, but none of it makes sense and Mikan idly wonders if Natsume and Tsubasa are going through the same thing (yes, they are). Her intuition is spot on again, though her train of thought is quickly derailed by her desire to share three pieces of news with her senpais.

She’s very excited about the Sports Festival coming up, but the senpais are unmoved since that happens every year and isn’t a big deal.

Then, the elementary class has some student teachers, which also isn’t news, because high school kids have to do vocational training every year too. But her real news is that all three student teachers in her class are the former student council: Sakurano, Subaru, and Shizune. This is shocking because they’re only in their first year of vocational training and already acting as student teachers, an exceptionally impressive feat.

Always pay attention to changes like this! Mikan never reacted this way before to being pulled into Tono's lap... Though I have no idea what this is supposed to reflect TBH.

Mikan notices Tono is tuned out, but then he scoops her up and asks for the third piece of news. I find her reaction of revulsion to be interesting. She gets away from him and says “You’re gross,” which is certainly not how she’d reacted to his grabbing her before. Mikan, previously oblivious to what all his perverted comments and actions really mean, has come to realize that he isn’t all that innocent. I do wonder where this change comes from. It could be that Tsubasa and Misaki’s warnings have started to accumulate enough for her to build a better idea of what Tono’s unclean motives are. It could also be the natural consequence of growing up and becoming--even by a little--more mature over this past school term. I honestly couldn’t tell you.

Her last piece of news is that Class B is welcoming a new student tomorrow, which does mildly surprise her senpais enough that she’s satisfied with her sharing now. She hopes that the new student will be nice and is actually excited for their arrival, though she shouldn’t be.

She shares one more bit of information, that Sakurano has warned her not to talk too much to him or the other student teachers, and to not get caught by the fukitai for anything.

Mikan is walking alone, possibly back to class, when she spots Natsume. She calls out to him and starts to ask him where he’s been when he darts away for no good reason. She chases after him, desperate to talk to him again after such a long time. He stops suddenly and she bumps her face into his back and when she finally looks up into his face, he’s smiling.

So much to say about this moment…. Where do I even start?

Mikan is holding onto him, probably to keep him there, afraid that he’ll run off again if she doesn’t (because she doesn’t want him to leave).

He calls her a spaz and she’s unbothered, because, once again, she’s distracted by her staring at him. Just as she thought--he is different. Cue sparkly panels of her staring at him…

She holds onto him! Sparkly panels! This is romance!

She tugs on his shirt while she muses that he has had a growth spurt, that he has gotten taller. His smile fades a little because of the prolonged silence until she asks him again where he’s been, if he’s been doing some kind of training.

Training?!

Is this one of the excuses Ruka gave for Natsume’s absence? Or did Mikan assume that because of the physical changes she sees in Natsume? I couldn’t tell you, but either way, Mikan’s distraction with his appearance is pretty noteworthy!

Mikan is easily taken with physical beauty. It’s one of her many weaknesses. She is easily awed by beautiful people. I believe that Mikan’s sparkly panels from when she first meets Natsume are an example of that--that when she first saw his face without his mask on, she was in awe for even a moment before he ruined her first impression. I think that’s how she’s feeling now--awestruck and staring at a pretty face. Despite being usually very talkative, she was unresponsive for long enough that Natsume had to prompt her into speaking.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

The conversation quickly turns into bickering from there, but it’s still not unpleasant. Natsume is a constant for her school life and he seems to have returned, complete with teasing remarks. He's the whole package, really.

And then we see Luna, staring at them, about to be led to class.

I’ve been in (or at least I’ve been observing) the GA fandom for a really long time. Since 2010, to be precise. Like, 13 years straight. I’ve read the manga countless times, seen countless AMVs, and read countless fanfics and I know how people feel about Luna. I’ve seen it all--Luna is ugly, a slut, an evil bitch, a villain for tearing NatsuMikan apart. Yes, she’s frustrating for sure, but I love Luna’s role in this story. Always have!

What to steal from Mikan.....? Oh... Maybe this...

Why does Luna appear here? Suspense, probably. A little tease that things will change even further.

But why does she appear here, looking at them?

Her job is to watch over Mikan and make sure she doesn’t get into trouble (causing rebellions and the like). She’s also here to “punish” her for her behavior on New Years. Luna could’ve gone about this punishment any number of ways, but we’ve been seeing ESP’s warning (“Be careful not to lose anything important to you.”) over and over again for a reason. Mikan cares about a lot of people, but Luna’s punishment is focused on Natsume, on taking Natsume away from Mikan. She makes little efforts into manipulating Hotaru and turns Class B against Mikan, but this arc is focused on NatsuMikan.

After all, this is Luna's projected revenge against Yuka, and Yuka didn't just steal her alice. Luna felt, as a groomed teenager, that Yuka was stealing the ESP's affections as well. She felt like her romance suffered because of her former best friend. She couldn't interfere in Yuka's romance (the ESP already did that), so she'll interfere here. This is her revenge, her personal little mission. There's a reason she targets so much energy on stealing Natsume as opposed to Ruka or Hotaru. That reason is romance.

Chapter 77 is the intro chapter. Often, in chapters like this one, that precede a big emotional arc, we’re introduced to themes or ideas that will be expanded upon later on in the arc. In this case, Chapter 77 traced Mikan’s yearning for Natsume, her deepening affections for him, and her desire to have him by her side (to not leave). There’s other themes too, of course, like the fukitai and the threat of a changing social order, but those are secondary. Thus, we can deduce, just based off this chapter, that her relationship with Natsume will face some obstacles.

We saw how awestruck and happy to see him Mikan was just now. But so did Luna.

Luna focuses her punishment on Natsume for a reason, and thus her appearance here isn’t just important in order to keep our interest, it’s also for the plot reason of giving Luna a specific target right away.

Chapter Seventy-Eight

“Mikan keeps walking in the thorny path. What will be waiting for her hereafter?” Nothing good.

Luna has just become a new student in Class B. Everyone is instantly taken with her, including Mikan, who is eager to make a new friend. There’s a lot of “ooh”-ing and “ahh”-ing, in regards to Luna being cute and curiosity about her alice. These questions are put on pause when Narumi announces that Luna has the life-shortening alice and has been forbidden from using it. (We all know how I feel about that already LMAO.)

I’ve seen some people take Luna’s “life-shortening alice” at face value, but I always assumed her “having the fourth shape” was an excuse not to reveal her alice to the class. When Luna was first going to school years ago, she was hated and unpopular because of her alice. If Luna wants to be popular now, it’s important that she seems as innocent and harmless as possible. Additionally, her alice needs to be a secret so that she can keep using it on people without anybody figuring out what she’s up to. Her sickness later on in the story--as far as I can tell--was the consequence of her abusing Gulliver candy on a regular basis for weeks at a time (since we already know it's been banned from Central Town for its adverse side effects), not because of her alice shape.

I don't think that's how any disease works NGL.

Besides, her “life-shortening” alice seems to involve nothing more than coughing loudly whenever she doesn’t get what she wants. And right off the bat too.

She doesn’t want to sit next to Kabayaki-kun, so apparently her health is affected and she starts coughing until her gaze lands on Natsume. But she can’t sit next to Natsume, because he’s already sitting with Ruka and Mikan. Until that affects her health too and Narumi orders Mikan to move seats to accommodate Luna’s fickle demands.

It’s not that Mikan wants to, but there’s instantly an air of pressure in the class to walk on eggshells and make sure not to worsen Luna’s alice-related health by upsetting her. I think Mikan probably really doesn’t want to move because she’s been missing Natsume all last chapter and for a while longer off page. She wants to spend time with him when she has the chance, and that’s probably why she’s sitting next to him today.

But apparently Luna will die if she doesn’t get what she wants, so Mikan agrees to move.

Until Natsume grabs her by the arm and insists that he is the one who decides who he sits next to, and he chooses Mikan. Cue a sparkly panel of Mikan being touched that Natsume wants to sit with her and not Luna…

He also uses her name here, something that always gets to her.

This is a short moment, but it's one that Mikan thinks back on later. In this moment, she feels wanted by him, like whatever affection she has for him is requited, like if he had it his way, they could sit together all the time. She's touched because it's like he's saying "me too" to all the thoughts she's never let herself think. It's always about them.

Sadly, this is short-lived. Luna will fucking DIE if she doesn’t get to sit next to NATSUME, and if anybody stops her from getting what she wants, they are responsible for MURDERING her.

It’s only when the entire class begs that Natsume finally gives in.

The entire class is still curious about Luna despite her wretched behavior, still convinced her sickness must be related to her alice. Meanwhile, all this talk about life-shortening alices makes Mikan think about Natsume.

It’s interesting to note the school’s treatment of Luna’s alice shape versus Mikan’s theory about Natsume. Apparently, when a student has the fourth shape, the teachers make an announcement and forbid them from using it. If there was no such announcement for Natsume, perhaps he doesn’t have that alice shape! But Natsume has been a special case for the school from the beginning. He even told her he’s not like the rest of them and he’s been mistreated far worse than his classmates could imagine.

Mikan wonders if his missions have stopped since the New Year’s fiasco. Her attention remains fixed on him, as it will throughout this arc, really, wondering again if maybe his alice is the fourth shape, until Luna says she’ll use a bit of her alice to show everyone. Because for some reason, using a small bit wouldn’t really affect her health, but sitting next to Kabayaki-kun would.

Mikan wants to see, but apparently Luna can’t use her alice--something is nullifying it. Mikan instantly insists it wasn’t her and we know already that she wouldn’t do that, but the seeds of suspicion have been planted. She introduces herself to Luna, but Luna does not react the way a normal person would to meeting a stranger. She smiles in a sinister way and reaches out for her face. None of this is normal, and Mikan can sense that there’s something wrong with Luna. But the moment is resolved with Hotaru pushing her out of the way and, heartbreakingly, Natsume taking Luna’s hand in his.

Not good!

Before, Mikan knew Natsume would prefer to sit next to her instead of Luna, but he was pressured into sitting with Luna. Now, he elects to sit next to her, their hands interlaced. Mikan is incredibly bothered by this. How could he change his mind about Luna--about her--over the course of one class period? It’s definitely not the best day of her life, but it’s about to get worse.

The Sports Fest teams are being split up. Technical and Somatic classes are together on the White Team, with Special and Latent on the Red Team. The DA class then fills in at the end, so Natsume has the choice of whether he’ll be on the Red or White Team. Since Mikan can’t be on the same team as Ruka or Hotaru, her attention zeroes in on Natsume, her dear partner and the boy she loves. Maybe they can be on the same team!

But Luna is on the White Team, in the Somatic Class. And she wants Natsume on her team.

I love Mikan’s thoughts and behaviors here. Though she’d initially been excited to make friends with Luna, her opinion has shifted very quickly. Yes, Luna did act like a creep with her before, but Mikan’s main beef isn’t about that, it’s about Natsume.

“wOn’T yOu, hyUuGa-kUn?” Sinister, mocking, unpleasant. Mikan now views Luna as (correctly) insincere and manipulative, and (incorrectly) as a threat to Natsume’s affections for her. “Here she goes again,” Mikan thinks, because she watched Luna get precisely what she wants all day for no real reason. If she doesn’t step in, Luna will continue to get what she wants, and Mikan doesn’t want that because she wants Natsume more.

So she speaks up, desperate. Calling out to him and telling him straight up that she wants him on her team, asking him to join the Red Team and be with her. That's right! She asks Natsume to be on her team, to choose her, something she has never ever done before, because she's that desperate to keep him with her.

Come to the Red Team. Come to MY team. Come to me.

But Natsume chooses to be on the White Team anyway.

This is important for a lot of reasons so I’ll do my best to sum it all up.

Luna and Mikan’s mini face-off here makes Natsume’s choice about more than color--it’s specifically choosing between Luna and Mikan. Thus, even though Natsume’s best friend is also on the White Team, Mikan is hurt and shocked because he didn’t choose Ruka over her, he chose Luna over her.

Mikan rarely tells Natsume what she wants from him, mainly because she doesn’t even want to admit it to herself. So here, when she pleads with him to pick her team (to pick her), it’s because she’s that desperate. This is a rare glimpse of bare honesty from Mikan, where she finally says out loud what she wants. That makes it hurt all the more when he rejects her.

Chapter 77 introduced us to Mikan’s desire to keep Natsume with her. I’d stated then that her desire would be under threat in this arc, and it begins right away, with Luna threatening to swipe him away to the White Team and away from Mikan.

She has just been rejected by the boy she loves. He chose another girl over her, even after she asked him to pick her (her team, her, etc.). Now Mikan has to confront her own hurt and conflicting feelings. She is jealous, unhappy, hurt, and now has to ask herself why.

“Be careful not to lose anything important to you.”

Mikan feels like she is, now, losing something very important. She hadn’t admitted to herself yet just how important Natsume really was, but that doesn’t make the pain and fear of losing him any less potent.

Chapter Seventy-Nine

Things were bad, got worse, and are now about to break all kinds of records of terrible because it’s apparently not awful enough that Natsume chose to be on Luna’s team instead of Mikan’s; nooo, Narumi has to rub salt in the wound by announcing that Natsume is now Luna’s partner. Mikan has adapted to school life after all, and she’s always hated being Natsume’s partner, hasn’t she? They’re not really working on anything together, either, so there’s really no issue with appointing Natsume a new partner, someone who wants to be his partner. Surely, Mikan doesn’t mind.

But Mikan does mind!

"Because you're my partner!" isn't gonna work anymore.

And this is important, because, in reality, Narumi dissolving their partnership doesn't have any actual consequences in the story. It's not like Natsume has to work with Luna on any projects or anything afterward. Things are almost the same, but the loss of that word matters, especially to Mikan.

From the beginning, their partnership was what tied them together. She had to go back and save Natsume from blowing himself up because he’s her partner. He had to accompany her to Central Town. They were narratively paired. Everyone knew her because of her tie to him through their partnership. Mikan doesn’t really call Natsume her friend often because it’s not entirely accurate to her feelings for him. He’s her partner.

Even if he’s rude to her, they’re partners. No matter what happens, they will always have that to bond them together. If he chooses Luna, it sucks, but at least they’re partners. He can’t do anything to change that.

But they’re not partners anymore.

Losing this isn’t just hurtful, it’s confusing. If Natsume and Mikan aren’t partners, then what are they? And why is all of this happening at once? Why is it that when Luna gains something, Mikan loses it?

“You really hated being Natsume’s partner, after all!” But she didn’t.

This day sucks, huh.

But Mikan would rather cling to confusion about Narumi’s motives than anything else. Confronting her own feelings or Natsume’s is not pleasant, so she’d rather wonder why Narumi is acting weird and making such sudden decisions. But when Natsume is brought up, Mikan is once again confronted with her pained feelings about his role in this situation. He’s so wishy-washy. Hadn’t he wanted to sit next to her, not Luna? Why would that change so quickly?

In any case, the Sports Festival is about to begin. They have a day of training before the events begin. Mikan has plenty of friends on her team, so she focuses on having fun instead of on the painful memory of not having Natsume beside her. But apparently the Sports Festival is a far more serious event than she’d realized. Red Team is forbidden from fraternizing with the opposing team until the end of the festival, to maintain a Red victory.

Mikan is crushed, since many of her friends are on the white team. She especially focuses on Natsume, staring at him until he looks over at her. She quickly looks away, embarrassed to be caught. When we compare this to Mikan's staring at him in Chapter 77, this is a sad change. She felt more comfortable looking at him then because she was under the impression that he felt similarly to however she did--those unspoken, unacknowledged feelings. But now it's different. He seems miles away, and she doesn't feel like she's allowed to stare anymore. The mood does change for the better when we discover Youichi chose Red over White and when Yuu reassures Mikan that they’ll all have fun regardless of the crazy rules.

She can no longer look at her beloved!

But Luna’s “harem of followers” takes issue with Mikan’s nullification and warn her that if she nullifies Luna’s alice, they’ll punish her for it. She’s faced with a barrage of accusations. Though Mikan is not bullying Luna, they are right about her being jealous that Natsume has been spending all of his time with Luna these days. The thing is that the partial truth to the situation makes her look that much more responsible.

This run-in with Luna’s victims rises suspicions that Luna might be using some sort of pheromone, since the kids aren’t acting like themselves.

Things take a dramatic turn when the equipment goes flying--a genuinely dangerous incident since some of the equipment in question is heavy and could cause severe damage. Mikan is saved in the nick of time by a mysterious person tugging her to the safety of a utility closet.

Chapter Eighty

The mysterious person is Luna, and she is not acting out of kindness.

Mikan wonders about what’s going on outside and who brought her here when suddenly she realizes there are hands around her throat. Luna starts cackling and by now Mikan knows for sure that there’s something wrong with her, because Luna seems to hate her something special for no reason. Mikan shoves her away and tries to recover her breath.

Luna only seems amused, whining about being scared of Mikan’s violent tendencies. This is, of course, ridiculous. Luna was the one who just attacked her, and Mikan pushed her off in self-defense. Luna's attitude here, particularly in regards to skewing the facts, reflects how she will act throughout this arc, and how rumors and carefully chosen words can challenge people's loyalty.

Luna isn't finished berating Mikan. Acting so violent--just like her criminal mother.

But she doesn’t linger on that topic, switching instead to egg Mikan on--she’s so popular, isn’t she? She must be having so much fun! But Luna will have fun too, “breaking and stealing” everything that Mikan holds dear, one by one, imagining that Mikan’s suffering face is her mother’s. There’s a lot that Mikan is suddenly facing in this one conversation. Luna knows the secret of her “shameful birth,” and seems to know her mom. On top of that, Luna hates her and wants to ruin her life. But if Mikan is good, then Luna might fill her in a little more. That means Mikan has to stay quiet about what happened here. She should do as she’s told because otherwise the people she loves could get hurt.

Can Mikan have a break? Or is that too much to ask?

Mikan has no time to respond or even to process what she’s just heard, because suddenly, the door is open. Mikan is now accused of being a bully, but she can’t say much to defend herself. She looks around and sees how much damage this incident has caused. Luna threatened to do worse if Mikan didn’t comply with her demands, so how can she say anything? Mikan thinks, “I’m scared.” She’s faced with a horrible choice: either she sullies her own reputation and lets Luna do as she wants, or she must watch as people close to her are hurt.

Sacrifice, Mikan. Isn't that what you wanted to do at the start of this manga?

Mikan’s silence results in her getting arrested by the fukitai.

Conclusion

It's really fun analyzing the Sports Fest Arc. Mikan's love for Natsume and subsequent jealousy is at the forefront here, and I always have a blast reading these chapters because of how clear her feelings are even without her ever saying them out loud. Tomorrow, we'll continue!

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bisluthq · 2 months

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tbh I didn't put much stock into the whole he went to dinner with his GF thing from DM. The details of his GF crying for some reason after Taylor is mentioned, the fact that swifties irl would do it which I don't find it as likely, the detail of him not having a reservation and then sitting at the comunal table as if he was inconsiderate and not able to afford it. It gives me the same vibes of the pool locker story. I felt like it was created by swifties to fullfill the fantasies he's having a rough life. Ironically no one ever is able to catch him with this girlfriend and share a photo. And yk swifties are dying to do it so they can evaluate how much worse she is compared to Taylor. The dinner story was also like atleast two months ago. There has never been any other spotting since then. Even if he was with someone no way to know if it was just a date or they were actually in a relationship anyway

Mmm I think that it’s possible to observe if something is a random date or a relationship. Like close friends are more likely to be mistaken for a relationship imo than a random date.

I also didn’t interpret the story AT ALL how you did? What Deux said the person told her is Joe came in with a girl (it looked romantic/they looked close), was super lowkey and nonchalant, they didn’t have a reservation so they were happy to sit at the communal table rather than make a fuss. That’s the opposite of inconsiderate imo like what would be inconsiderate is to try insist on a private table? And like do y’all only ever walk into places you’ve reserved for?? I personally only ever book if it’s for more than 2 or a notoriously busy place - and even then usually not for lunch like more for dinner? Places are rarely full for lunch? Or if it’s a special day or a very special occasion so I want to be sure we get a nice table tbh OR if it’s an early date (which imo is why I think this probably wasn’t like an early date and that’s why this person thought this is his gf).

Anyway they came in, it was full and they didn’t want to wait and said they didn’t mind sitting at the communal table, someone recognized him and started asking him questions and the girl got upset so they calmly left. I think “started crying” is likely a hyperbole but literally everything else about the story makes sense? I don’t think it’s weird to be happy to sit at the communal table if you didn’t bother to book (nor is it weird to not book for lunch) and I do think someone could’ve recognized him and I do think Swifties have no chill whatsoever so would absolutely start asking questions and if *I* were on a date with him, I’d also want to leave at that point like I wouldn’t want to sit and eat my lunch while people asked invasive questions about an ex to the person I was with (or fwiw to me). Which they did. They left.

The reason I buy this is he… actually came off well (unlike the weird changing room story) and the person who spotted them alleged they didn’t really know who he was until those Swifties started asking him questions (which I can believe because I’m sure people without brain rot would very possibly not recognize him or be like “where have I seen that guy?” about, which given the number of famous people in Manhattan, is not usually reason to like act weird) and that’s also why the person said they couldn’t remember much about the girl especially given that they didn’t stay long.

I don’t think anything there doesn’t make sense. I’m 100% sure Joe has had to leave places because of Swifties being weird (even when he was with Tay but he had a bodyguard then lol so I guess easier to manage). If I were on a date with him and Swifties got weird like I’d 100% want to leave asap. I don’t think not booking suggests you’re poor, it just suggests a lack of commitment to planning (which we know he has) and is nbd if you’re with your bf/gf/close friend/sibling on a chill hang and I don’t think being willing to sit at the communal table is weird (it just suggests he doesn’t think he’s above that which he… actually isn’t like there’s no reason he can’t sit there and had Swifties not gotten so fucking weird like they probably would’ve had a fun lunch).

I’m really not sure what part of that story Swifties would want to fanfic because the only ones who come off badly in the story are the Swifties. Not Joe, not his girl, not the narrator (who wasn’t one of the Swifties)… just the weird Swifties.

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punkscowardschampions · 1 year

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GC Party & Cali & Barly & Ronali

[okay so, pre-Ali’s bonfire night party, Cali go shopping for their ootns and then Carly comes back to the mcvickers gaff to help set up/get ready and generally have a nice time, girl Ro is salty because she has not seen Ali up to this point and she already hates Carly with a fiery passion, not helped by the fact that Tomeena are also around helping to set up and doing some cute baking for this party and they ofc like Carly and everyone is having fun together baking and kitchen dancing and vibing except for this antisocial autistic bitch lol]

Ali: [the way you make us feel so guilty and break our heart, Rosaline, trying so hard to involve you until it becomes obvious that you’re happier hiding away from all the fun but we’re still here feeling like shit in the background, as is your energy when you’re not being prioritised as much as you would like by this gal; at least everyone else is having a good time, even if Tomeena are in their not acknowledging any possibility of a crush phase here, it’s not unbearably awkward]

Carly: [I actually hate her because we all know that Tommy would also try SO hard to include her and also try his best to have a word with her about how Ali feels like shit without sparking ww3, meanwhile Carly has only ever tried and wanted to be her friend and is here doing EVERYTHING possible in the entire world to make Ali smile cos we all know she’s upset, do your best to still have a not unbearable time lads]

Ali: [she really is the elephant in the room right now in this era, until Tess just let’s y’all be in the same bedroom again because this has actually made her worse and we all know it but we’re trying to not give in lol, you better hope your sister is out, girl, or she’ll be dragging you out of your room and making you do something with her and Tess, like she also doesn’t have better things to be doing lol; ANYWAY, at least you four can do your best here to enjoy the festivities and entertain baby Rocky until he wants to go help Fearghal build the fire with the wood and random crap you’re burning, remember to check for snoozy creatures everybody]

Carly: [seriously, it’s blatantly obvious she only puts her mourning clothes on and attends this party at all because either Bea or Tess force her, it’s horrible and her bday is not gonna be one to look forward to either, but at least we have cali and tomeena flirty baking happening and Carly and baby Rocky are everything because she’ll just be encouraging him to be even more cray than he already is, then y’all can have a fun getting dressed up montage before the lads and any other guests come]

Ali: [this is giving a cosy, close affair so unless Tommy has invited any other friends, I feel like it’s just y’all and if Baze are making an appearance, the friends they are probably going to hang with somewhere else after, soz to Meena who will be feeling legitimately shy around these boys but you’ll be okay hun]

Carly: [I honestly feel like Tommy doesn’t have many friends because of the whole everyone thinking he’s a massive gay and everyone judging this fam as weird cos of joeray and everything that has occurred so he maybe has a couple of friends/small group of that are girls in his year, like the Savannah face for all that content I have, who he’d probably invite, but Meena is shamelessly his bestie when they aren’t in school, don’t worry girl he’ll be feeling awks around these boys too and like he’s gonna be hatecrimed, and I’m sure Ali’s nemesis and next door neighbour will be peering her head over the fence to see what’s going on which is funny and awkward too, thankfully these boys are chill and Moses isn’t allowed to gatecrash]

Ali: [that tracks to me, like atm Ali probably doesn’t have a shit ton because we’re only just out of the poisoning allegations era and y’all were a weird little trio then so she has yet to amass her many acquaintances but for sure that hoe is tryna peep and your parents are probably gonna complain about the fireworks like they wouldn’t do the same when it’s NYE or whenever because no one else is gonna be celebrating so it will be like what the hell, like Leesha, get over it lmao]

Carly: [mhmm, hence cali are friends rn and as close as they are because Carly has none either and has likewise been outcast, speaking of, catch her being the life and soul of this party because already high af from the second she arrived because she has to be for her crippling anxiety that she is only self medicating because her mum sucks, this sweet baby angel just making friends with anyone who will let her and giving everyone compliments and doing irish dancing with tomeena and the gals Tommy clearly made friends with through his dance and theatre clubs, playing with baby Rocky every chance she gets + Ali’s cat, it’s giving the vibes of that bbq we did when we did the cali era OG when Ali was dating k-stew, but Carly’s mood is gonna change when the lads get here because weird between her and boy Ro and weird between her and Bart, so she’ll be going even harder to try and mask that]

Ali: [very much that is the energy, everyone here knows you’re high but what are you going to do, kick this child out to be high in the streets, no, better to have her here where you can keep an eye mcvickers, you’re actually decent parents, despite your flaws; oh lads, the shaky alliances that have been formed, y’all probably feel so awkward, hence we’ve also got to go in making you feel at home, which means immediately finding you drinks so our father does not corner you, at least your garden is big enough ‘cos it backs onto the mountains that there is room in this garden to have a very definite ‘kids’ corner lack of a better word so you’re not straight up mingling with mcvickers and co lol, catch Ali holding Carly’s hand when she’s pressed these drinks into both of theirs]

Carly: [mcvickers are good parents despite having dropped the ball recently, hence poor Tess doing everything in her power rn to get girl Ro to join in with this party and eat something which sadly will only mean she’s there mute, reading a creepy girl book, and starving herself, but you know, Carly meanwhile do be pulling Ali away to dance like she really loves this song and they gotta even if she doesn’t know it because soz lads we can only deal with smiling and exchanging the most OTT yet bland pleasantries for a sec before we wanna die, even as high as she is, gotta go]

Ali: [her hands are very full getting the bare minimum from this girl, we get it; we’ll make that sort of face like oop, guess that settles that as we’re whisked away to dance, brb boys, we will find you, ‘are you okay?’ in this girl’s ear as we’re bopping]

Carly: [catch Ronan watching this intensely like cali are putting on a show for his benefit, soz sir Carly is just gay for Ali and everything she does has a flirty undertone, it’s not actually about or for you, and Bartley trying not to look because he hates when Carly be out here making a holy show of herself which alas is always ‘I am now, like’ back in Ali’s ear, playing with her hair way more than is necessary to uncover it, because lads, cannot be overstated here this couldn’t be less about you, she’ll never be happier than when it’s just cali having a time together and that’s the tea]

Ali: [not that, sis, when we have to remind you we have a ‘boyfriend’ so you don’t get your hopes up, in a subtle, non-mean way, ‘cos never wanna outright say the words again after that fiasco lol, poor Bartley, your crush must be a mystery to even you at this point because truly, never less of a time or place for it; at least no one is noticing you go red when there’s a literal fire right there, Alison, shaking your head and thus your hair in an oh you move at Carly, flicking your eyes towards Bartley actually subtly in a ‘what’s the plan?’ Energy without actually saying the words]

Carly: [when you laugh at Alison’s hair antics whether that actually tickles you or not, in a genuine I’m high and happy in this moment pure sort of way and we all know that boy and his crush can’t ignore that so as you’re looking over at him, in an undoubtedly less subtle way, because high as a kite, y’all accidentally catch each other’s eye for a moment and then Carly has to look away and literally bury her entire self in Alison because oh no that wasn’t the plan]

Ali: [doing your own laughter to cover the fact Carly is hiding right now to assure this boy you aren’t laughing at him here, no no, swaying so Carly is faced away from them and you’re the one facing them because you can handle it even if you are like oh my GOD right this second ‘okay, we’re not doing that’ in a jokey tone because we’re not mad about it obviously, just pondering what we will because the guestlist is too small for us to ignore them all evening, imagine lol]

Carly: [this girl like oh great I wanna die, even if we’re styling it out like a v romantic slow dance moment that we fully intended cali to be having ‘what are we?’ because she isn’t Ro and doesn’t wanna ignore them but also not trying to make a big scene about it either like CAN WE TALK because she is not that bitch either]

Ali: [‘we’re so dumb’ as you are slow dancing because this is awkward and you’re not used to that feeling, again, having to laugh at it though because not an emo bitch, this gives you an idea though so being like OH and dragging her to go find a bucket or some cards or whatever you may need so y’all can play a drinking game because that way you’re interacting but no one is having deep and meaningful because gotta focus, bring the essentials back to these lads like okay, let’s do this boys]

Carly: [doing an adorably sad and pouty face about how dumb they are like oh no I hate that for us but she can’t help but laugh too obvs, and also be buzzing about this idea, inviting tomeena and his friends to play too, whether they decide to or not, I like to think at least one of Tommy’s friends will fancy either Bartley or Ronan and thus be up for it lol, but then coming back to join in, absolutely sitting on Alison for no reason whatsoever except closeness so it’s less scary of a concept and the flirty vibe there always is, like okay, let’s play]

Ali: [god bless you guys, immediately picking a game whereby Meena can join in but not have to drink, like it’s just a secondary part of it if you catch my vibe, because you’re the youngest and not that girl unlike these girls necessarily so we don’t want you to feel like you’ve gotta get schwasted to be included here; just being that bitch to make sure everyone knows the rules and setting it up, whilst snuggling Carly casually]

Carly: [I love that and I love Ali for it because Meena is so young, they all are, and I’m sure some of Tommy’s friends are shyer than others/not as boy hungry and loud theatre/dance girl stereotype as the one is and he isn’t a massive drinker at this age or lowkey ever really, not the way Fraze is or Ali can be, so it’s nice and I appreciate it, as I do these gals snuggling always, I definitely also imagine tomeena playing as a team where possible which I equally love, whether it’s him taking the drink so she doesn’t have to or them working together for whatever these rules are]

Ali: [I know so few drinking games honestly but as it doesn’t matter, we can say this one is a pairs one perhaps so this extra girl can nab whichever of these boys she fancies, forces the other girl to go with the other one, which means tomeena and cali are free to live their lives, soz to that other girl but you’re probably still less shy than Meena and we’re not doing it to her haha, Alison do be lowkey competitive in the fun way so this will break the ice and y’all can feel more like you normally do when you hang]

Carly: [I think we should say the extra girl fancies Bartley because then that will keep him busy and away from Carly but also make her feel a type of way like oh, meanwhile the shyer girl, who is probably Savannah because she’s a bit weird, can be with Ronan and be fine because he only has eyes for Ali anyway/is nice and definitely the nicer of the two lads]

Ali: [that makes logical sense, storywise have Carly confronting if she too fancies this boy back or no, and everyone in the group is getting along, definitely grabbed some of the best food shamelessly so y’all are pigging that, Rocky probably wants to join in at some point even though he has no clue how to play so that’ll really derail the game into a toddler just telling y’all what to do to amuse himself greatly and feel so big and clever]

Carly: [mhmm, like, picture it cinematically, if this gal goes for it and kisses Bartley at some point during this party and in contrast to the cowboy costume matching moment when Carly did not give a shit, this time witnessing it she’s like OH, that’s slay of us as a device, but for rn she’s living her best life, firstly because cali are shamelessly winning pre-Rocky’s takeover and post it she’s as per encouraging him to be a little chaos demon]

Ali: [it’s v good, go us, me having just finished the ronali bit of that convo and him being determined it won’t be awkward, so clearly effort is being put in there, Ali would definitely help you set up the fireworks whilst everyone else is now happily distracted and the mood has loosened up somewhat, hitting him with a ‘hey’ like you’ve only just arrived]

Ronan: [lord, he would be trying, the boy’s a trier despite his every impulse to want to be as extra with Ali as Carly is being, bless him ‘hey yourself’ amused]

Ali: [‘alright, shit hostess, I know’ holding your hands up like I admit it ‘you got a drink if not a greeting’ cheersing your own against his as you say this, looking back at whatever Carly and Rocky are up to now, shaking your head]

Ronan: [a grin at her as he takes a swig of said drink like I’ll drink to that, jokingly, following her gaze and making an affectionate sort of what is she like noise about Carly, cos trying with her too after that awkwardness]

Ali: [turning your sights on this gal who has decided she wants on Bartley and literally hmming at this because on the one hand she’s keeping him busy and thus Carly isn’t freaking out but you also shamelessly think it would be nice for Carly to go there with someone who isn’t as horrible as Moses so you’re truly torn on it, shrugging as you turn back and return his grin with a smile ‘aren’t you glad you didn’t have to meet my parents now?’ like it could be more awkward, we should all be thankful]

Ronan: [again following where she’s looking cos this boy is probably quite oblivious as a lot of boys are but this girl is clearly being quite extra so you can’t entirely fail to notice, shaking your head at her whoever she may be, but you’re probably more in the camp of Bartley getting with her if anyone and leaving Carly be at this party and lowkey ever so, but you’re distracted from those thoughts by Ali smiling and what she just said, doing a subtle but apparent back of the neck scratch or whatever he did when things were awkward before, trying not to noticeably blush at remembering when you thought she wanted you to meet her parents, as he looks over at mcvickers trying to laugh it off like lol yep]

Ali: [from your POV, I don’t blame you for being on the opposite team, it could go disastrously wrong and it’s already awkward for us all and you don’t even know how much at this point; anyway, not as if we’re about to fight this girl over it, you can live ma’am lol, meanwhile we’re nudging into this boy with our shoulder because meant to be all bants here, helping him assemble/open/whatever needs to be done to the firework he is currently working on ‘they’re too busy parenting for our bullshit, so, we can do what we want’ trying to say that breezily and like it’s nothing but a good thing but there’s blatant tenseness because it is parenting of Ro we’re talking about, not the toddler you would assume]

Ronan: [Tommy is probably a bit like can you as my friend not get with this random gypsy boy who is friends with my sister and may or may not wanna fight me, but he’s busy with Meena as he always is when they are together cos he is a child of mcvickers and they all have the co-dependence drilled into them and she’s his person for it, ANYWAY, I’ll be here throwing out every cliche I can about these fireworks like his hand brushing hers a sec too long etc etc we all know the vibes ‘and what’s it you want?’ as a genuine question despite all the flirty vibes of his actions]

Ali: [Poor Thomas, no one lets you live ever, luckily for you Bartley is not dangerous and your friend can have her flirt and live to see another day, he’s quite shy so honestly this girl is probably being way more than he is haha; thinking about this for a pause ‘to blow shit up’ said like obviously and grinning at him now because lord knows pissing about with fireworks is the best thing you can do because you’re not a clueless boy so vibes are never lost on you]

Ronan: [have some fun actually blowing shit up lads because he’d wanna make her happy and it’s also something he’s clearly into as we know from Halloween, Tess will deal with the knobhead neighbours, Carly and Rocky having the most fun with this too + Tommy and Meena enjoying this romantic vibe which I’m sure his horny friend is trying to make the most of and poor Bartley is probably like please calm down]

Ali: [at least limited talking can be done ‘cos you have to light these fireworks and then run back as fast as you can, which is an amusing time, throwing yourself at the ground to watch these fireworks, love that you’re wearing such an inappropriate outfit for this, all leather, oh girl, you’ve committed now and you’re gonna be roasting lol]

Ronan: [we all know Ronan is watching Ali’s face and reaction to the fireworks instead of them because he is that cliche, Carly’s outfit is similarly inappropriate for the event and I lol, at least if you bought that coat instead of just window shopping it gal you have that to throw on the ground and lie on, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you couldn’t afford it and are therefore without one, should we say the girl is peak cliche and the kiss happens during these fireworks going off or wait a bit til later in the night?]

Ali: [hmm, like, you have no reason NOT to be a cliche, you are literally a drama kid so, you would, also gives Ali and Ronan a reason not to see because they’re too busy with said fireworks so let’s go for it]

Carly: [meanwhile poor Carly SEES this in caps and literally has to escape into the house because feels like she’s been punched in the stomach by it, I hope girl Ro isn’t in there lurking because you don’t need her being a massive bitch when you’re trying not to lose it]

Ali: [girl Ro you better know what’s good for you sis, you’ll surely keep your bitchy thoughts to yourself because she’s not with Ali and that’s when you hate her the most, soz that you’re not going to realise she’s gone anywhere until these fireworks are done with because why would you, tapping Ronan on the shoulder and gesturing for him to look at Bartley and this girl, even if they’ve stopped making out, it’s clear what the vibe is]

Ronan: [doing a lil whistle at them, whether they notice or not, because not fully being in their face @ them with it in a Moses way, it’s more at Ali like ooh get them haha]

Ali: [pushing him like don’t be mean but you’re also laughing a little until you’re looking around and realise Carly ain’t anywhere to be seen like oh, yeah, she could be in the toilet but we just know that’s not the reason so we’re gesturing to Ronan like hold on, just need to check something as we’re making our way towards the house]

Ronan: [catch this boy watching her go, utterly confused, because he rudely but very legitimately has not realised Carly is MIA, going to get himself another drink or whatever because everything is fine from his POV]

Carly: [but catch Carly literally hiding in whatever the nearest small space is to wherever she entered the house be it the french doors or back door or front door, I’m literally picturing her standing in a cupboard with all the coats or something and it’s the saddest but most adorable image]

Ali: [thank god it is Alison who finds you because anyone else would be so scared/confused to find you in a cupboard casually, we’ll be here returning the sad pout face and putting our arms out like come here you because we know, we saw enough when we finally did]

Carly: [walk into her outstretched arms like you’re a bub and she is the mum you deserve but don’t have, it’s giving the saddest game of hide and seek ever]

Ali: [have this cuddle, it’s okay girl, feel your feelings, we’re just here letting you say or do as little or as much as you want]

Carly: [here dropping compliments that are specific to this girl not just generic ones like she’s really pretty but genuine things about why we think she is great/well suited to this boy, with the unspoken being and we are not]

Ali: [‘they’ve only just met’ very gently but insistent because it is just a kiss]

Carly: [when you’re so in a spiral you can’t even register it’s not that deep even if you know it because you’re not cray, shaking your head to dismiss that like it doesn’t matter when it does, leaving her hair where it is as something to hide behind like 🥺]

Ali: [‘he was kissing cowgirl last week’ said in the same calming, almost sing-song voice you use to soothe a kid because he was and that was nothing and thus this can be the same, smoothing her hair, if not tucking it behind her ears, ‘cos she can hide if she wants to]

Carly: [‘last week I didn’t care’ because she truly did not and so she wasn’t expecting the reaction she just had to hit her at all never mind as hard as it just did, said in a um wtf is wrong with me kind of tone]

Ali: [making a noise like I know, I know because there isn’t logic to these things, and you can’t control how and when they happen ‘what would you like to do?’ because we can stay in this cupboard for as long as you like]

Carly: [‘poison her’ with a mischievous look in her eyes like lol ‘but your ma won’t be letting none of that go on, not on her watch, not again’ because if we’re serious about this we’ll never leave this cupboard actually, but the sigh that follows is more sincere]

Ali: [‘still dealing with the consequences of last time’ looking towards the neighbour's house even though you’re inside and can’t actually see or hear them kicking off rn ‘but for you-’ gesturing like let’s go and find the poison, as if you have loads kicking about]

Carly: [‘sure then, we’ve to head back outside ourselves, one less thing for her to worry herself about, what we’re up to in here’ said so flirtily as she pulls Alison from this cupboard in a similarly v flirty move but we’re sincerely going back as though there’s no other option because hiding in here forever doesn’t feel like a valid one for who this gal projects herself to be]

Ali: [‘all she worries about is boys’ rolling your eyes at your mother, the man-hater, as if she’s not proven to have valid reasons lol but hey ho, needlessly stumble out of this cupboard together like you’re dancing again ‘can chill in my room for a bit, if you want’ because there are other options but we’re also not opposed to cracking on, of course]

Carly: [‘they’re more of a worry than me’ as she takes this gal in the direction of back to the party and not in her room unsupervised like see, I’m a good influence and good girl because flirty 5ever]

Ali: [crowning her with an invisible halo, swooping your fingers ‘round and ‘round the top of her head, also changing whatever song is currently playing to something more danceable in your opinion so you two can do that for a while and not immediately have to go back to the group and try to chat]

Carly: [re-entering the party with another pure LOL because of her halo that I hope that boy hears, going IN dancing with Alison until the poor girl literally needs a break because she’s not high as a kite and then making Tommy dance with her which he’d love because dancing boy]

Ali: [at least all these peeps, Meena included, are dancing types, so you can fully let Carly be left in their capable hands and the lure of showing off like that will get that girl to cool it and go join the group, Ali throwing herself down with a sigh and a drink when she’s knackered from it]

Carly: [Carly defs doing the thing when she brings Meena up like she’s gonna dance with her but then getting her dancing with Tommy, catch this girl literally dancing with everybody in their little group but kissing girl and Bartley, even Ronan, cos really gotta make that point of oh y’all are too busy with each other to have a dance with me lol, but really she’s just mad at y’all haha]

Ali: [we love the complete lack of subtlety, babe, just here like oh, okay lmao]

Ro: [I’d like to point out girl Ro 👀 at Ali from wherever she is because a normal person would come over while she’s alone but she is not normal]

Ali: [that would require you having to move in front of company and heaven forbid, got to sit wherever you are sat with your book and barely move, never mind speak to any of these people, still, we will make our way over to you because we can feel your 👀 even with the attention being paid to all the dynamics playing out with the rest; gently nudging your book forward, to see what you’re reading, because it’s undoubtedly seasonably appropriate ‘did you see Leesha?’ because you’ve defs been doing your own 👀 by now]

Ro: [show her what you’re reading because one thing about this gal, she knows how to pick an appropriate book, but barely moving, so subtly doing it that nobody would see her doing so, likewise when she nods, only Ali is going to pick up on it]

Ali: [calling her, Leesha that is, something shady in the made-up language that you have ‘she’ll be after Ronan and Bartley now’ ‘cos she is that type of girl, shaking your head at her like oh you, grabbing some of the food that has been left by Ro and eating some, as if you can encourage her to merely via this although you don’t truly have much hope for it, instead talk about whatever fire rituals you guys can do on her birthday which is literally days away, as she wouldn’t join in with any of these festivities]

Ro: [likewise calling that girl something shady in their made up language but doing it by putting her finger over individual letters in the lines of the page of her book and spelling it out so it’s even more secret and just between them because god forbid this girl says a single word when there are people here she doesn’t want around, watching Ali eat whatever she’s eating like she’s starving because she is and even doing so out of the corner of her eye subtly there’s no escaping how !! she is about it, still looking at her that way long after the food has been eaten because ofc]

Ali: [‘whilst they’re gone’ like Tess and Fearghal aren’t here, you can, again, we’re desperate but not hopeful about this]

Ro: [‘no’ should be in caps because in contrast to her quiet and stillness up to this point, SHOUTING this loud enough that everybody at this party will be shooketh and stop whatever they are doing, because that’s how anti that suggestion she is, knocking the plate to the floor even if it’s empty or almost, with the !! of how dramatically she’s getting up and leaving because so desperately want to but cannot]

Ali: [oh what a party, getting up dramatically too, considering following her but you don’t know what to say or what to do if you were to, so instead kneeling down to pick up this plate and whatever food has been spilled, trying to not have your own little cry about this now]

Carly: [coming over and just silently helping her clean up/then taking her hand when it meets over this food and just holding it for a sec because you know how upset she is and it’s all you can do whilst trying not to make a big deal out of it in front of everybody, meanwhile Tommy will go after Ro even though he likewise doesn’t know what the fuck to do or to say because he is that bitch, especially in this era]

Ali: [just asking this girl if she has any drugs left because what else can you do at this point]

Carly: [you absolutely would, I’m sure, so put them into the hand you just held, whatever they are, from wherever you just retrieved them on your person]

Ali: [go run and take that in private so my boo can have Bartley and Carly interact, thanking you, ‘cos y’all are just being left here for a hot sec, Thomas and Alison have gotta deal with this separately]

Carly: [thank god Thomas invited several friends and they aren’t all boy thirsty af so Meena isn’t just left alone while he has a useless girl Ro convo with her while she’s lying under Ray’s old bed with her arms folded like she’s in a coffin cos just girly things, since I’m sure Carly FULLY intended to make her way over to these gals but soz I gotta have you be waylaid by that boy]

Bartley: [you’ll be fine girl, you clearly know these girls to some degree yourself, even if they are that bit older, you have some similar interests so; meanwhile this boy has no clue what Ro’s deal is clearly but now wants to because wtf was that, so just bowling over to Carly to ask as much because not a good look to ask the girl who’s all over you and she probably has as much of a clue, you would reckon]

Carly: [when you’re carrying on the clean up for Alison so she can go take her drugs and are thus UTTERLY caught unawares by this boy coming up to you, literally doing a me and jumping out of her skin 6ft in the air as if she has never seen this boy before and doesn’t know him like OMG, but gotta lol it off and lol at yourself because that’s who she is]

Bartley: [doing an amused snort at this reaction ‘she was pretty freaky, yeah’ giving calm down though about it, not helping to clean up because such a thought would not occur to you, nudging whatever she’s trying to pick up out of her reach with your foot ‘tell us then’]

Carly: [‘don’t be a gobshite about Ali’s sister’ so genuinely because will defend Rosaline even though she’s a massive bitch to us and always has been because again, who she is, an unamused snort back at his antics of thwarting her clean up efforts, kicking his foot very playfully, and obvs flirtily cos she always is, with her own like oi rude]

Bartley: [‘I’m asking you, quietly, like’ because you aren’t taking the piss to the whole group, which you could do honestly, the silent girl just shouting out of nowhere like hello, kicking this girl in her butt, not flirtily but because she’s either kneeling or sat on the cold hard ground rn so you simply can like oi yourself, miss]

Carly: [‘you’ve eyes and can see for yourself she’s not well’ because all we’re gonna say about it, we’re not going into the tea and the goss about this gal, bitch or not, getting up off the cold hard ground with a tut like um excuse you do not kick me up the arse thank you, standing with her arms folded like she’s so mad but her face is amused]

Bartley: [rolling your eyes when she won’t give you the goss because of course you wanna know, I would lmao ‘boring’ but you’re returning the amused look nonetheless]

Carly: [so would I sir, so would I, but Carly is too much of a sweet egg and too loyal to Ali to be giving you the goss, soz ‘your girl there’s the one for entertaining’ nodding to Thomas’ friend/the direction of, like, off you go if I’m so boring]

Bartley: [being so smirky smug about it because you’re a teenage boy and also not used to getting that kind of attention because you’re not Moses about this ‘piss off’]

Carly: [kicking him again, a bit harder like stop being the smirking emoji rn please I’m dying inside about it, in an irish dance move kind of way like she’s gonna dance herself away then, but not actually ‘you came on over to me, boy’ like I was here first and am mid cleaning up, you leave, but still playfully because don’t want him to fr]

Bartley: [‘stop bloody kicking us, you mental’ scowling but in a jokey way because none of the older lads are here to see you essentially playfighting with a girl about it ‘what are you on?’ ‘cos we all know she’s off her tits, giving that she’s taken amphetamines and is on a cleaning spree like a 50s housewife here]

Carly: [giving Ro’s outburst in a jokey way by getting RIGHT in his grill to mouth ‘no’ at him silently whilst shaking her head because gotta be the most flirty we can about it without even intentionally trying ever, staying that close to tell him whatever she’s on, like a conspiratorial whisper as if this is the best kept secret at the party ‘after some?’ genuinely because you didn’t give it all to Alison there is clearly some left]

Bartley: [pushing her head away how you do to dismiss someone without being properly rude like leave it out you because not okay about that casual level of closeness, nor are we after any because try to be a good boy about these things unless you’re trying to fit in with the older ones ‘and make as much of a holy show of myself as you? I’m grand for it’]

Carly: [playing with her hair because likewise not okay with his retaliation and how we feel about it, taking the BIGGEST step back it’s possible to take without falling over backwards like okay okay I shall heed it and move, that was still playful and silly vibes but she’s genuinely glad she did once he’s said that cos ouch, hugging herself like well that’s just mean ‘yeah, grand, you are’ sadly like okay normal service has been resumed and he is slagging me off again, cool and well done you sir]

Bartley: [shrugging awkwardly because you didn’t mean for it to be as mean as all that but you’re also of course not going to take it back because you’re like well, it’s true ‘her family are right here’ as if that had escaped Carly’s notice because we could never, best behaviour truly]

Carly: [‘and I’d have no knowing of how to be here without [whatever drug she is on]’ blurting that truth out because she is high enough to rather than try and defend her actions somehow in that !! way you gotta when you’re like I’M SORRY]

Bartley: [doing your own slight step back because you don’t know how to deal with this admission, blinking at her like oh, okay ‘I thought you two were close’ like why would you be that freaked out to be here]

Carly: [her entire being and posture once again screaming apologetic without her literally screaming her I’m sorry in his face rn because we hate that we said that and clearly didn’t mean to and now the vibes are OFF and we might as well be Rosaline levels of weird as far as this boy is concerned ‘we are’ in the kind of tone that’s like forget it/don’t worry about it/you obvs don’t understand and I won’t freak you out more by trying to explain]

Bartley: [just shaking your head because obviously you think this is a terrible coping strategy/it clearly doesn’t work but you’re not gonna say all that here and now, picking up the last of whatever needed cleaning up and going to toss it onto the fire without saying in a bit or anything]

Carly: [he’s so so right for that truly, go and find your BFF Rocky so you can throw yourself into being wild with him and try and forget that happened cos can’t even face heading to the gals atm when that’s the direction this boy is likely going]

Ronan: [meanwhile, you sir, go and find Ali in her attic like my boo and Winnie said, bring her a drink you can hand to her when you get there so it feels more casual and not like an ambush while she’s waiting for her drugs to hit]

Ali: [you’d be able to see him coming from your vantage point so you know it’s him and can have a hand outstretched with whatever drugs you have left in your palm like there we go, swapsies]

Ronan: [taking it because unlike your cousin you’re not opposed/cannot say no in this era and you wanna be on her level whatever happens so, get comfy next to her whatever that looks like, whether you’re on the floor or a chair is irrelevant because it’s the close to her without being !! in her grill bit that matters here]

Ali: [when the smile you attempt to do at him after your first sip of this drink is so sad, you can only groan and rest your head on his shoulder like for fuck’s sake because obviously they’ve not kicked in yet and you still feel like shit/mortified that the party has taken this turn ‘she’s just-’ stopping yourself like nah because not something you can sum up right now, nor do you want to honestly ‘fuck it’ offering him some of this drink to wash that pill down whether he has his own still or nah, just ‘cos]

Ronan: [stroking her hair how he do when her head is on his shoulder because genuinely wanna try and offer some comfort here and that’s such a boy way to do it, as is him saying ‘I’ve fireworks, still’ in a tone like if you wanna distract yourself by blowing more stuff up OR you wanna stay here and you’d have a great view of them, either is fine, because boys and men love to try and fix things with a practical solution even when there isn’t one and he thinks that’ll help cheer her and turn this party around, it goes without saying he’s taking her drink to wash said pill down even though he does have his own by his feet because of course he is]

Ali: [doing a little lol at the male nature of that gesture, squeezing his arm ‘good idea’ but we aren’t making any attempt to move or let you yet ‘feels like ages ago’ seemingly out of nowhere but you are talking about when y’all were up here because that was the summer]

Ronan: [‘it was ages ago’ as he hands her her drink back and picks up his own instead, fiddling with it in some way how he was the bottle or can before when they had their domestic but in a more absentminded way than how !! stressed he was then because we’re sad she’s sad but it’s not at that level]

Ali: [‘now you’ve had your birthday you wanna act all grown up’ smirking and nudging him with your head like it weren’t THAT long ago, come on]

Ronan: [a shrug because you don’t know how to verbalise that it was ages ago because so much has changed since but your feelings have not and it therefore feels like forever since you touched her in a non-platonic way and even being here rn feels weird, and even if you did know how to say any of that, you came here wanting to cheer her up at least slightly and none of that will]

Ali: [looking up at him and sitting up so you’re not lying all over him for a moment ‘please don’t be sad’ the sorry in the tone if not literally said because hate that we’re making you feel weird ‘I just thought we could wait out our come up’ because don’t necessarily wanna do that in front of everyone, doing your own shrug like you don’t have to though, obviously]

Ronan: [‘I’m grand, Ali’ sir you are not but I appreciate what you’re trying to do here which is to give I’m fine don’t worry about me rn vibes, putting an arm around her shoulder the second she is done shrugging like come on, it’s okay, let’s wait together]

Ali: [never take much convincing to be snuggly although we don’t really believe you because you could use it right now, I imagine there’s a comfy old armchair up here that he was on the arm of kinda vibe to you being in it, so you squish up so you can both be sat in it more definitively and comfortably ‘shan’t be singing, this rate’ because in my re-read it came up that he’d not heard her sing and he was like you’ll have to at your party then]

Ronan: [‘ah now, the ideal thing to do as we wait, is it not?’ nudging her like go on, sing for me, but obvs he’s not actually expecting her too fr rn]

Ali: [even with your level of confidence, just belting out a tune now to him and him alone is not something you can do, shaking your head and hiding in case you’re blushing at the idea like no, no]

Ronan: [do some singing of your own, which is probably not good, to try and get her to join in with you, some silly irish song because we’re deliberately trying to bring those casual just two friends here drinking vibes, no pressure]

Ali: [of course you’re going to because too fun not to and he is cheering you up with it, hence you are properly loling about this and remixing this song and putting it with another for your own amusement]

Ronan: [need to say y’all are drinking out of bottles so that he can blow on it and use it like an instrument to add to this fun time you’re both having]

Ali: [just having your own lil jam sesh here, you love to see it, pretend y’all aren’t sat that close together, mhmm]

Ronan: [at least Ali is cheered up because fuck you girl Ro and y’all have managed to kill time til these pills hit without having to have another awks af convo that’ll make jemily and you wanna die cos Carly has that vibe covered already after the barly convo lol]

Ali: [just here dramatically stopping what you’re doing to hold his head and look into his eyes when they’re getting all saucer-like ‘there you go’]

Ronan: [please resist the urge to kiss her even though you’re STARING into her eyes as intensely and big stroking her hair again and it’s a moment™️ because jali don’t need that level of drama thank you, laugh instead because y’all are high ‘ready?’ for more fireworks whether she joins the party or not]

Ali: [you do be high and it could have definitely gone that way as easily but my boo says not today thank you, get yourself down that ladder and race him to said fireworks thanking you]

Carly: [I’d like it on the record that Carly will throw her arms around Alison the second she sees her and be hugging her like she hasn’t seen her for a million years, so big that she’s spinning her around and off her feet and they could both so easily fall over, no notes, just buzzing this gal is back and happier + Tommy has defs given up with Rosaline at some point while Ali was gone and returned himself so the gang’s all here]

Ali: [the girls are back and we’re going harder with having fun in any way we can which means being more chaotic and messy about this, soz but it must be done]

Carly: [love to see it, I’m not at all soz, the fun doesn’t have to end until we rudely call time on this party cos poor Rocky has to go to A&E, up to that point, fill your boots everyone]

Ali: [we should probably let y’all have a nice time now, even if some of you are high and some of you aren’t, it can be okay lol]

Carly: [it’s deserved, no more drama and only good vibes for a bit please everyone, even if barly is awks af everyone else is okay and there are enough peeps here that y’all don’t need to be interacting]

Ali: [we got our point across with the reaction to him smooching someone else, that’s the main thing, she doesn’t need to let him know that right now, Ali saw]

Carly: [do we wanna move to doing aftermath of this party now with any of the peeps we’re vibing?]

Ali: [sounds good, who do we want to first because no limit to who we can do with who here]

Carly: [hmm, that’s the question]

Ali: [perhaps cali will be the easiest to start with?]

Carly: [good idea, it usually is, do you wanna start it or shall I?]

Ali: [I will, why not, gotta address that awkward vibe the next AM]

Ali: [give her the lowdown on this girl that you’ve gotten from Thomas because not your friend so you didn’t know much, just girly things]

Ali: See, not a thing in common, them two

Carly: oh

Carly: but it dont matter cos i fucked it for myself to be sure

Ali: ah no, he’s seen you 😵‍💫 plenty before, who’s he holding it against you this time, like

Carly: I said

Carly: my god, I said

Carly: no I can’t, if you’d of seen what he 👀 @ us like 🥊🔪🧨🔨💔

Ali: I feel like all I have to be saying these days are colossally stupid things, especially to those boys

Ali: it’s the hangxiety making you think it’s !! proper though

Carly: the lad for proper reckons im mental & how is it he’s wrong?

Carly: hes just not like

Ali: He does sort of think everyone’s mental, he’s quick with the insults, that one

Ali: I don’t think he really means ‘em as heavy as they come fast, you know?

Carly: ive solved shit’s what I know 🧩💚

Carly: even if he were into me before hes over it now from last night

Ali: Okay, fair, we weren’t being very good detectives 🔎💘

Ali: He does though, they all show it weird

Carly: nah he dont & Im to tell myself before I see him next & make a more massive dope of myself

Ali: You want to get over him?

Carly: theres nothing to get over he can 😍💋🥰💞😘💓 who he wants

Carly: its not me 🔎💘

Ali: But you want to, that’s something to process

Carly: ah ill be grand, be a new lad im after by this week coming 🔮🎱

Ali: Come on, this is me you’re chatting to

Carly: its whats chatted by everybody else & I told u myself im 🪀💜

Ali: But you liked Moses and wouldn’t have bothered with no one else until he did his own 180 on you, I know it’s never as simple as what’s on the grapevine

Carly: we’ve to talk about how the brave little big man is from his 🤕🔥🚑🚨🏥 carry on or your sister

Ali: Like it never happened

Ali: x2

Ali: In different ways, mind but

Carly: did though

Carly: to u & i love sharing my 🍭🍬 but baby I hate when youre sad

Ali: I don’t trust her to know when to stop with this

Carly: so what are we to do?

Carly: you know ill stop coming round there if it means shes better in herself for having you as her own again

Ali: I’m worried I can’t go back as far as she needs me too

Ali: that I’ve strayed too far now

Carly: cos of johno?

Ali: He’s responsible for a lot of it but, there’s so much she’s not done that I have now, it were never like that before

Carly: im sorry, it’s my fault, loads of it

Ali: It isn’t

Ali: she isn’t ready, I have been, ages before we even met and it all changed like that

Carly: idk maybe reading more books & 😍💋🥰💞😘💓 less lads would make her wanna b my mate too

Ali: She deffo has none of the bloody problems we do, maybe she’s got it right after-all

Ali: Ronan makes me feel so guilty, whatever I do

Carly: yea, me too, I get wrong off him all the time for not being you

Carly: boy, trust me, I wish I was 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠

Ali: get away with you

Ali: If you were me, who’d I be best friends with

Carly: away w ye being so 💛👼🌟🧚‍♀️✨🐝🌞💛🌻

Ali: I’m not, I’m a shocking friend, not one I’d want, he won’t be bothered much longer, guarantee

Carly: hes shocking if hes only bothering himself for your hole

Ali: My head is all 😵‍💫 poor boy don’t know what he’s to be bothered about, honestly

Carly: he dont want to have the knowing or hed have to put his head down and to what it is he is & isnt bothered by

Ali: and I feel like you wouldn’t be half as !! about Bart if I’d not have put the idea in your head

Ali: I feel shit for that now, like

Carly: its not for you to feel shit about

Carly: I shouldnt tell people whats in my head or how i am underneath the 🎇🥳🍄😵‍💫💥🤩🌟🥴✨😝☄️

Ali: Yes you should

Ali: I shouldn’t make you feel like you can’t, like everyone else

Carly: I told him idk how to be over yours w out 🍭🍬 i never meant to but he were going on about your parents being about & what a disgrace i am & I just wanted him to know how it is inside of me all the time

Carly: like hed ever ever understand when I dont

Ali: Jesus, why he has to say the things he says, and how

Ali: I really think he thinks he’s giving you useful advice, not just having a go but that don’t excuse it

Ali: He needs to stop

Carly: but hes a point, I do show u up in front of your ma & da

Carly: your sister hates me

Ali: No you never, if I cared, would I invite you round all the time, ‘course not

Ali: Ro doesn’t relate to anyone, it isn’t just you, I swear that too

Ali: they’re only paranoid because of the unfair rep travellers have, got to be the best boys or my parents will be looking down their noses… though I try to explain why my family’d be the last, they still reckon it

Carly: you care for the wrong things, caring about me

Ali: someone’s to, we care about each other

Carly: im 😤😠😡🤬 theres no more I can do to help you than it

Ali: My family is fucked beyond all our magic combined

Ali: I keep trying

Carly: yea, mine too, but I never used to know to try before u showed us

Ali: 🌑🌌🔮🌠🎱🎇💣🌌🌑

Ali: It’s all we can do when everything is 🙃

Carly: least you look cute 🙃

Carly: 🦇

Ali: [send her a pic of Rocky and his bandaged hand] know who you think is cutest, like

Carly: oh now 🥺 look at my man there 👶💪

Ali: He’s not been 😭 so we’ve no call to

Carly: ive no sleep for worrying of him, ive call to 🥱☕️🍭🍬

Ali: He does things like this all the time, you can’t be fretting, he’ll have your life and be bouncing off the walls like it’s nothing, trust us

Ali: 🥱 sounds good, at least I stopped myself doing the stupid thing I wanted to, no apology to him warranted, even if I still feel like it is

Carly: he can have my life idm save us chucking it @ some less worthy lad 👋💚

Ali: I suppose it’s a point

Carly: youre better w explaining, I’m beside myself u cant have my life & give that boy the telling of what I tried to

Ali: you’ll have another chance

Carly: perks of being neighbours like

Carly: yours were a real 👸✨🍰🐶🦪🍾🦢✨ last night btw wow

Ali: She shoulda come over, Brit party an’ everything, fit right in 🥴

Ali: just glad she didn’t try to follow the lads home, be after seeing her around your way constantly if she thought either of them was my boyfriend

Carly: hows she not 💭👀 poor ro ro is, sure, he must’ve been trying hard not to follow after you

Ali: He was trying super hard, even when I was a stupid mess upstairs

Carly: I should’ve come found you it was my turn sorry

Ali: I’m sort of glad he did, no offence, honey

Ali: how hard he tried made me do better than I were gonna

Carly: none taken then 💙👼💛

Ali: you’d be fuming at me if I kissed you just because I was sad and half high too

Carly: I wouldnt but your boyfriend would

Ali: He wasn’t at the party but yeah

Ali: idk, the vibes were off

Carly: watch him find out if it was me you kissed cos hes that in my business

Ali: maybe he likes you really

Carly: ha gas

Carly: u want everybody to like me

Ali: I really wouldn’t on that one, sorry

Ali: I’d look really, really stupid at this point

Carly: contrary to whats said I’m not after collecting em all ♠️ ♣️ ♥️ ♦️

Ali: Never hear the end of it if they were proved right 🙄

Ali: I shouldn’t have messed around with Ronan before, now it’s like, unfinished and weird and I can’t do fuck all about it

Carly: nor I, still, you had sense not to go all the way, better that than what I done w the boy

Ali: Is it? At least that can feel like a proper ending

Carly: yous can be proper friends in the end idk if he & me can

Ali: it shouldn’t matter

Ali: maybe it does, to all boys

Carly: 1 of these days theyll grow themselves up these 1s much as men ever are no more than big 👶😭

Ali: Distractions at best, yeah 😼

Carly: youre my fave distraction so I’ll be 👶😭 my own self you don’t wanna kiss us

Ali: Yeah, yeah

Ali: you know I don’t need 💋 to distract you

Carly: [her mum] is on it for the now

Ali: What’s [her mum] up to this AM?

Carly: [tell her about whatever random man your mum has over still from the night before because keeping the party going clearly but I don’t want to and shan’t think up the grim details, we all know the vibes and how not it they are]

Ali: you’re not up for doing anything then?

Carly: hes already asked me but it’s - craic to take your mammy’s fella from under her before she’s done w him, even Ive heard

Ali: I meant with me, girl

Carly: k 😁💛🌞🌻

Carly: loads better offer

Ali: Too right

Ali: ignoring I ain’t thought of no 💡 yet, I will by the time I’ve got to yours

Carly: I wanna go somewhere we can float off 🧜🧜🏼 don’t have to be the 🌊🐚 long as theres swimming

Ali: No ⚓️s just 💦

Carly: idk how i miss you when i saw you [however long] ago but hey

Ali: Too much in both our heads

Ali: a lot of it 💩

Carly: 🤯💥💩🧠 yea ive a headache & a half off it

Ali: same, those damn 🍭🍬 always do you like that in the cold light of day

Ali: Nothing sea air can’t fix for us

Carly: I love you & I wish that fixed things for us

Ali: I love you and I wish it too, baby

Carly: 🌑🌌🔮🌠🎱🎇💣🌌🌑 all we can do, how u said

Ali: 🙏🍀💘☀️

Ali: We can talk it out ‘til we know what to do

Carly: & if we dont we’ll let the water take us far from all of em

Ali: no problems in paradise

Carly: never ever ☀️🍦🍉🍹👙🍍🌴🤿🥥

Ali: just 2 👼👼 too busy for this bullshit

Carly: youre the only 1 who could say that & not have me think I’m being slagged w it

Ali: Shite at flirting, shite at slagging, sounds of that

Carly: 😶 I’m not at keeping secrets, owed or no

Ali: You should tell your ma her fella’s a creep, that’s no secret so you don’t need to keep it

Carly: she were there when he said it, nothing to tell when hes inviting me to fuck him right in front of her

Ali: That’s really bad, like

Ali: what the fuck [her mum’s name we really should just think of lol]

Carly: she reckons he dont mean it but idk how its gas or no better to be something hes joking about like

Ali: zero craic in being a nonce, idiot man

Carly: - craic but all of them have that

Carly: i could have my da come back round & not work it out cos he’d be after me the same going by her track record

Ali: She is to be ashamed of her taste at her age, I’m afraid…

Ali: will have to break it to her after a few [whatever cocktails your mum is about]

Carly: ah thatd be some good craic 😅 of the sort youre always to be relied upon for

Ali: all said with ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 ‘course

Carly: course ❤️🍄🧡🐅💛🌞💚🍀💙🧿💜🔮

Ali: [at least we’ve got y’all out and trying to live your best lives despite it all, who would you like to do next, bub]

Carly: [hmm, let’s think logically here, who else do we realistically wanna do?]

Ali: [perhaps we post this bit and then think on ‘cos we’re just vibing and rereading rn, there are all the places we can go, including bringing the lads not at this party back on the scene too ofc]

Carly: [valid it is at 27 pages long]

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calypsoff2 · 2 years

Text

Eighty Nine.

I’m still proceeding with my idea of this series of my life, I didn’t ever stop it but I’ve been so distracted that poor Dennis ends up not knowing what he can and can’t record but we are back on it, he does a-lot of work, it was just mostly him but I’ve finally said he can bring a team, I just didn’t trust but they signed a contract so I am well now but we move forward and I love reality show and I know that I will sell, I mean if I can manipulate things I will do it. And I contacted Dennis because of all the controversy, I actually need to speak to Chris because seeing as we aren’t exactly together he will be in it and he may not want that, I don’t know but me. I am proceeding with it, I also need to see the new house today, I’m waiting for Chris to pick the kids up, including Junior, I said he needs to take him too. I really just want to go back home, and Dennis will be coming with me too, this reality show is going to be mind blowing because I can speak on what I want and also nobody will know half of this, I want it to be raw too “you ready?” Dennis asked “I am, I haven’t got my face done for nothing. You’re the one setting up things” he laughed “I know, you’re so last minute” I chuckled “I know but can we just quickly get everyone together, hey! Yusuf!” I shouted, I just need to go over something “oh she’s clicking fingers, must mean something” Yusuf rushed over, it’s only the camera team, Yusuf, Jah and Priscilla. I’m glad Jen isn’t here because she may push to make it public “thank you” I stood up “so I am thankful that you all signed the contracts and I know it’s a lot on there, but I need to protect my peace too, and my kids, my business. So it was needed, some of y’all we been friends for years, but it had to be done, what will be said will be shocking and I don’t want it to leave this room, ever. And if it does then I know it’s someone here so I know you need to set up the cameras still, but we just need the one for me, I would like to just start” they all nodded their head, Jah is quiet because he knows something is really off about things. I’ve not really seen my team until now, just I want to get this out there and be truthful.

Rylee and Tianna are sat across just waiting, it’s making me feel even worse now, but they are intrigued but I don’t want them here either “Jah” waving him over “yes boo” he crouched down to me “just take the girls somewhere, I can’t say things. You know” Jah eyeballed me “mhmmm fine, ok” Jah got up from his position “girls! I need help, on your mothers next outfit, I am stuck between four dresses and I know you both got sense, come” Rylee jumped off the seat, she loves fashion, so she’s gone so quickly “good” I said to myself, Dennis smiled at me “I’m ready, you’re ready?” Nodding my head “you know with the amount of footage you have we could have been on season 2, but you have what you need to say to me so let’s start” I smiled, I’m always working and it’s funny to me, I won’t ever stop unless I die but there is always money to be made, I prefer this because I get to pick and choose “ready” the woman behind the camera said “there has been a lot controversy around your marriage Rihanna, which has made you now come back to Cali, how are you feeling?” I laughed looking down at my ring, I just realised I am wearing it still and I think I’m going to keep it on, I don’t think I’m ready to let that go just yet “wow erm, you know it’s a hard question when someone asks, how do I feel. I feel stressed, I think I have a lot of emotions that I have to keep to myself because of my kids, and I think it’s me being protective of them that keeps me this way, erm. Yeah I know there has been the issue of the female I won’t mention, and I’ve not spoken about it to the media because why should I. But she’s made a lot allegations against me, that I am a bad wife, that I don’t give him sex” I laughed “it’s funny because we are four kids deep and if we weren’t fucking then how did that happen, but it’s been hurtful. I’m always a little private about my marriage; the media and public see the good. Always, and it’s always been good with us, but you know it gets to a point where you say to yourself enough is enough and I had enough” I swallowed hard “I’m not going to go into depth with it, I’m just going to say that” I paused “I don’t want to say it” my voice broke “but also its where I am at right now in my life and the thing is, he will always be the love of my life. You know when you have known someone all your life, it’s that with him so yeah. Chris and I. Well me, are going to divorce” the gasps in the room, it echoed. Putting my head down “by time this comes out, it may be public, or I don’t know but this is my life and it’s happening to me, my family is going through it. But I don’t know, I think deep down I don’t want that, I want him to just be back with me, but it’s where are at right now and it’s painful. You know, because I do love him and always will” flicking my tears away.

Yusuf looked at me in sadness “there is more to just that but it’s whatever” I shrugged, he hugged me “I give it to the end of the year” he said as he squeezed me “huh” he moved back from the hug “I mean love never dies and yeah” hitting his arm “but I’m keeping positive, I have too you know. This show is going to be doing numbers” Yusuf cackled “Fenty family about to be that reality TV vibe and honestly good on you, why shouldn’t you? But it’s going to be causing drama, this alone is going to give you millions of viewers, they going to be like girl what? Divorce, I’m excited and the whole process of things, it’s going to be good to see you as a business woman, a mother and an ex-wife” hitting Yusuf again laughing “idiot” looking at Herb “wow, what is this?” He asked, “my show, it’s a reality show I guess or whatever” he let out an oh “you doing that still?” Nodding my head “you don’t mind? Because the cameras will always be on now” I pointed at the guy with a camera “oh shit, I don’t mind. But I came to get the kids” I frowned “and what happened to Chris? He doesn’t want to come now?” Herb shook his head “no, no, not that. Honestly, erm. He is in a meeting with Roc Nation, and he said he’s going to be late so I said I’ll come and get them and meet him” squinting my eyes “ok, I will get junior ready. But you tell him, I need to see him” Herb laughed “already?” What is wrong with people “shut up, I’m serious” these are trying to be funny “he’s going New York so he will need to see you” raising an eyebrow “oh I really, then I do really need to see him then, ok” I didn’t know he was “he’s doing the Jimmy Fallon show, just performing, that is why. He is busy to be honest, but he said bring the kids over” I am impressed “good on him, you know Roc Nation, they are going to give him the world, he is talented. I am proud of him” I am, I hope he can do really well, which I know he will do.

The kids being gone it gives me the chance to actually see this house Josh called me about “are you excited to move?” Jah asked me “I think I am; I think I have many good memories there but with the fact my home was shown to the world I kind of wanted to move then. I just don’t want to be there now, so why not. I guess it’s new beginnings, I guess” I shrugged “mhmmm to me, I feel like Chris is going to change. I think he will, he is very much in love with you so to me seeing that he was behaving that way, I was like no. I think he let fame get to him, that is what I think anyways” nodding my head “it is what it is, now we move forward, I am going to move, get a new home and it’s going to be exciting” looking out of the window “oh we got security guard, I mean he’s no Jayson, so if you are moving back what happens to sexy Jayson?” I laughed “means if he wants to move here then he is hired, if not then we can’t keep him. But I like this already” I pointed, the SUV pulled up at the side “house viewing, Rihanna” my driver said, it’s so weird that we have cameras here in the car, I mean I am doing it for my show “ok that is it, I know you don’t want the home known” Dennis said, “thank you” least he stopped filming “do I get a bedroom boo” Jah said “erm, no!” Jah waved me off “you will have nine bedrooms, there is five including you so I think I should be able to fit in?” I know I say this, but I don’t mind Jah staying over, that is my boo.

This new home isn’t actually far from my old home, I like that and I already like the entrance too “always a pleasure with you Rihanna” Matt said, he got my first home with Chris, it’s emotional actually “so we got 7.5 acres world class compound offering loads of space and stunning panoramic views set in the exclusive guard gated Bella Vista Estates. Behind personal gates providing lots of security and privacy, I know that is a big thing for you. So at 2505 Summitridge Dr hosts the most impressive outdoor setting in all of Los Angeles” I think I am already sold with this home, I like it. It’s private and also loads of space, bit like my New York home “there is a private backyard showcases a massive infinity-edge pool, spa, cold plunge, outdoor kitchen with a custom pizza oven, dining, and large lawn area. I can’t wait to show you that and Across the street from the main residence, you have your very own private sport court, playground and park” my eyes widened “oh my! So my kids can literally go there, and I don’t have to worry, oh wow. This is sold to me already, I can let the girls go, I know they are safe” Matt smiled “I also thought of the kids too, but this 9 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms, multiple quintessential living spaces, a chef's kitchen, bar, custom movie theatre, game room, and wine cellar. Exuding luxury, the impressive master suite encompasses a sitting room, fireplace, walk- in closets, spacious stone filled bathrooms and a private balcony boasting unobstructed views” I am impressed, I am more then impressed at the fact my kids can go to the playground and I really don’t need to worry.

I came home at the same time as the kids did; seeing Chris with Junior is nice. I want to see that; I want to see him interact with him and he is. He looks well “you had fun kids? You all look happy” pushing the door open “we saw dad sing and he was dancing; it was soooo good!” Tianna beamed “awww that’s good” walking into the home “oh actually” Dennis walked by Chris; well rushed in “what’s this?” He pointed at the cameras “I need to speak to you about that, Jah can you take Junior. Just a moment” we in Cali and he’s got shades on; a sweatshirt, and a SnapBack on, he hides his eyes a lot now “you are a big boy now aren’t you mister” he took junior from Chris “they recording?” Chris asked “yeah; just let’s go to the room, and let’s talk” walking off to the spare room, Chris seems so calm about things now and I think maybe it’s because he’s busy “so I am going forward with the reality show, and I do speak on us. I’m not exactly announcing it to the world, but this doesn’t come out until maybe next year but if you want to be in it, more than happy to have that but if you want to stay out of it then that is fine too” Chris shrugged “I don’t mind it, they can film” he’s very calm “they would like to get your view of things? Maybe, I won’t watch it, it’s whatever you want to say, when you’re ready” he nodded his head “cool, I uhm. I opened an account on my name, just to start the split” oh he did that “cool, so erm you’re going to New York?” I asked “yes, rather crazy. Jimmy’s Fallon, me? Im excited but Jay got me in there, I smiled at him “your life is about to take off for you, I’m happy for you” Chris smiled “thank you, you wanted to speak to me?” He’s right I did “well I’ve found a home and I’m gonna leave this to Jen to sort out and sell, offer still stands if you want it?” He shook his head “nah I’m good, I’m glad you got a home for yourself” oh this is awkward “erm yeah so I’m going to leave Imani behind with you, if you want that?” Chris nodded his head “I don’t mind, I will take her, so you going?” He asked me “yeah, and please use the house in New York, don’t be stupid now, but yeah, I think it’s best if you do take her. And then when you are fed up of her then bring her back, but good luck about the show. I’ll make sure the girls watch, I know how excited they was to see you sing” he smiled wide “yeah, a little nervous but we will see” this is so awkward, Chris is very calm and cool about things too, I think he’s accepted things “will you be telling your family?” He asked me “not really, I don’t want too” Chris nodded his head “ok, well I’ll be leaving for New York in the morning so I will come by then” I’m gonna miss Imani now.

My mind is so focused on my career that I’ve actually put my marriage to the back of my mind, I do not want any girl, or anything. It’s just about me and my career now, I’m numb to it too. I’ve become immune to Robyn; because I couldn’t sit with her without feeling I want to cry but I am ok with doing that, with interacting with her. It’s so hard to be normal to the person you love, and with Robyn I fucking love her with my whole heart, but I can’t be depressed, I need to get my head in gear, I am literally going to be working so hard on this, I have literally got a mixtape and an album, I will get both done. This is going to be a big project, I have so much to do, so much to write but I got my little queen with me in New York, she brightens my whole life “baby, just because there is candy there doesn’t mean you need to eat it” she is here backstage with me at Jimmy Fallon “I got all the colours look, I got red, green, yellow” looking up at Jay Brown “Chris” getting up from the seat “Jay” shaking his hand “things are moving fast right?” nodding my head “yeah, it’s a little too fast for my liking actually but we here, we going to do good” Jay laughed “exactly, we have used the bad press to our advantage Chris, number one record. I was shocked but this is how you manipulate the situation to make it good, now we going to push. Fallon is going to ask a few questions, just a few so then you can then just you know get ready to perform. We also really need to get you a team, I know like you did with Rih but that is dead and gone, we need to do this ourselves, as a mamager I am going to assign you the best publicist, best assistant, and stylist. I mean I am glad you come looking well anyways but we need to get you good, we need to get you doing so pop up concerts, we are going to push you so hard. We are going to push for you to be shown on times square, to stream your song, yes it’s number one but we want more!” this nigga is just sales mad “whatever it takes, Herb is going to take care of Imani for me anyways while I go out there before you ask” he was looking at Imani “I don’t mind little one” she is going to be so hyper later.

This is a lot, I am very nervous for this. First time actually “I don’t know the questions by the way” Jay said “just keep it calm, you will be going on any second now” he said in a whisper “we do have a very special performance from a new artist Chris Brown with his number one single Go Crazy, let’s give him a round of applause as we speak to him a little before he performs” Jay hit my back as I walked out, waving at the crowd as they clapped “woo” Jimmy clapped also, shaking Pete Davidson hand before I sat down “Chris, welcome to the show. Is this like your first time doing this?” Jimmy asked “erm yes, I have done like radio shows but like not in front of a crowd I am nervous, be kind” I laughed “bro, there is always going to be bad out there. You will get used to it” Pete said, “I think I am going through that currently” me and my mouth “do you get it a lot Chris where people will point and say aren’t you Rihanna’s husband?” nodding my head “all the time, I don’t have a name, my name is Rihanna’s husband. Which doesn’t bother me” I shrugged “it wouldn’t bother me either bro, I would be her bitch too” I busted out laughing “so what made you actually do this Chris, sing? I mean you could have started this years ago? You had the person right there so what made you start now?” he asked, that is a good question “it’s never too late to start anything but really when I was managing Cardi and Cole, I would be in the studio with them, now me. I just end up taking over, I end up singing and then my artist Herb he kind of pushed me to it, then my Rihanna heard Go Crazy, she was like we need to action this, but I wasn’t bothered but it’s happened now, I am here” I grinned looking at the crowd as they clapped “I think we have some fans in the building, so did you know this was going to number one?” shaking my head “I guess I know what the people want, feel good song” I said “I love it too, I think it’s just so catchy. I am humming it so what is next for you?” licking my top lip “album, also mixtape. I am doing both at the same time, I know with mixtape you don’t really make much out of it but me and Tyga have done a collab with this and I am excited for it but album next, you about to get some heartbreak songs” I laughed but I meant it “looking forward to it, we have Chris Brown performing his number one hit single, if you want to go and prepare” getting up from the seat “thank you so much for having me” walking off to get ready, I am so nervous for this performance now.

I felt emotional, I could literally see my daughter from the corner of my eye just following my steps and singing along with me “ah! Nigga” Herb hugged me, I laughed hugging him back “I love it daddy” I cooed out picking her up “I love it too, I love you baby” Jay dapped me “we heading for the moon now nigga” he pointed behind me, turning around “thank you so much for coming to the show, for me to be the first show you performed on, thank you” shaking Jimmy’ hand “appreciate you having me” he waved at Imani “what is your name then?” he asked her “my name is Imani, Imani Fenty-Brown” Jimmy gasped “aren’t you just the most sassy little thing? Ok I got you, she is adorable. But I wish all the best and I would like to interview you again, but for longer” he pointed at me “I will remember that” Jay said “so Chris, tomorrow night. Your name, your face, times square” raising an eyebrow “I made things happen, I am sure Rih has told you this, rest up. We have more to go through, Imani! You let him rest” Imani grinned “do go crazy” I snorted laughing “everything you do is amazing you silly butt, come on. Let’s go home” she is so silly, I am so happy she is with me, that reminds me to check on the girls, I will text Rylee’ phone and then send her some pictures, I do think of them of course.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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theparanormalperiodical · 4 years

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The REAL Story Behind The Crooked Man And The 7 Other Fairy Tales & Nursery Rhymes With *Even More* Disturbing Backstories

It was 4 years ago that we first met the Crooked Man.

With a *sickening* reveal via rottweiler fit for the latest season of Rupaul’s Drag Race, the suited gentleman staggered his way from The Conjuring 2 (2016) into our nightmares.

But his ashy undertones, gnashing teeth, and general aura of “I’m a demon, or something, which means I have no real motive apart from wanting to kill you” isn’t the only thing that fits the film far too well.

The Conjuring universe is the definition of ‘based on a true story’. And the Crooked Man fits the brief.

In the opening scenes of the film we see lovable and bulliable Billy stutter through a nursery rhyme:

There was a crooked man, and he went a crooked mile, He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile; He bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse, And they all liv'd together in a little crooked house.

Accompanied by a totally-cursed-i-mean-just-look-at-it zoetrope (it’s a bit like a mini projector that shows you a moving cartoon), Billy introduces us to one of the handful of extra entities terrorising London’s most haunted house. You can discover more about the true story of 284 Green Street which inspired The Conjuring 2 here.

But Billy also introduces us to a real nursery rhyme inherent in British culture - and British history.

Yes, the nursery rhyme, like many, is based on dark and twisted reality softened for a bedtime story. And amongst this history was a real person. Unfortunately, the Crooked Man is not the only fairy tale monster or nursery rhyme entity that will be haunting your dreams.

Are y’all tucked in?

The Crooked Man

The nursery rhyme was first told sometime in the 17th century during the reign of King Charles I. But the Crooked Man was not the Stuart King - it was allegedly inspired by Scottish general Sir Alexander Leslie and the covenant he signed.

The covenant secured religious and political freedom for Scotland despite prevailing animosity between the English and the Scottish.

The crooked stile is the awkward alliance between the two parliaments and the crooked house refers to the collective union the Scottish and English lived together in. But the ‘crooked’ part works on another level, too.

The great recoinage of late 17th century meant sixpences - which feature in the rhyme - were made of very thin silver and thus easy to bend.

An alternative origins story links it back to Lavenham, a village in Suffolk (England). The half-timbered houses leaned at off angles as if supporting each other, creating a crooked aesthetic that matches the nursery rhyme.

The Pied Piper Of Hamelin

I distinctly remember hearing the story of the Pied Piper when I was about 7 years old. I was there, sat crossed-legged on the wooden floor in assembly and listening to the headteacher tell us the tale of the musical maverick with an overhead projector.

I remember it being far more nostalgic and not so traumatising.

The story goes that sometime in the 13th century a peculiar man dressed in brightly-coloured clothes (pied clothing) was hired by the town to rid them of the rats with his pipe-playing abilities. Hamelin had been suffering from an infestation that would threaten the locals with the plague. The piper was to play his pipe, entice the rats with his magical music, and lead them to a river where they would promptly drown.

He was hired and he did the job - but they didn’t pay up.

The piper couldn’t exactly refund his services. Instead, he sought vengeance, luring away the children of the town with his magical pipe. He waited until Saint John and Paul��s day where the adults would be in the church, dressed in green like a hunter, and played his pipe. The children of the village swarmed to him, all 130 of them, following him out of the town and into a cave. Three were unable to follow due to being blind and deaf and thus told the villagers what had happened.

The real story:

Some versions of the story claimed he made them walk into a river, others claim he returned them after payment. But what we do know for sure is that there is a street in Hamelin called Bungelosenstrasse. On this street - ‘the street without drums’ according to translation - the children were seen last. No music and no dancing is allowed on this road.

Bluebeard

We open on a typical Medieval scene: a powerful and wealthy man is looking for a young wife to replace the last one who mysteriously went missing. Bluebeard’s been through quite a few women, actually, but it’s his latest bae that stars in this story. Bluebeard marries his neighbour’s daughter and goes on a business trip.

He tells her he can stay alone in their house but she cannot open a certain door.

Of course, she opens the door and finds the corpses of his ex-wives. Her and her sisters band together to kill Bluebeard, showering themselves with a wealthy inheritance.

The real story:

This tragic tale of murder and mystery is unfortunately all too true.

There are many alleged origins of the folktale. Let’s start with the Medieval ruler of Brittany, Conomor the Cursed: his new wife agreed to marry him to prevent him from invading her father’s lands but accidentally walked in on a room full of his dead, old wives. She was visited by their ghosts who warn him if she falls pregnant, he will kill her, preventing a prophecy that claims he will be killed by his own son.

She gets knocked up, gives birth, and then she gets her block knocked off.

An alternative inspiration could be a similarly brutal figure: Gilles de Rais (15th century). He was accused of murdering approximately 140 children who suddenly went missing in the Nantes countryside. He was condemned to death and executed in 1440.

Snow White

It’s one of the most popular fairytales of all time.

The story goes that a queen gives birth to a baby girl but dies in childbirth. The king’s new wife is wicked and vain, asking her magic mirror ‘who is the fairest one of all?’ on a daily basis. When the child turns seven, the mirror changes its answer from the queen to the child, Snow White (yeah, that’s weird). The queen hires a huntsman to kill Snow White, but she begs for mercy and says she will live in the woods and he can pretend he killed her.

She finds shelter in a cottage belonging to seven dwarfs who agree to let her stay as a maid until the evil queen asks the mirror her favourite question. It claims Snow White is still alive and the fairest of them all. She goes through several methods of attempting to kill Snow until she falls into a deep coma. The dwarfs host a funeral, a prince comes along, and he, uhhh, kisses what he assumed to be a corpse and she is awakened.

They then get hitched but don’t invite the queen to the wedding. The queen asks the mirror yet again the identity of the fairest, assuming Snow is well and truly deceased but the mirror breaks the bad news to her again. The queen tries to kill her once more but Snow’s hubby forces her to wear red-hot iron slippers and dance in them until she dies.

There’s a lot going on here.

But rather than unpacking everything that's wrong with all of this *gestures to everything*, let’s just get to the dark reality beneath it all.

The real story:

The inspiration is generally deemed to be Margaretha von Walbeck, a young woman who had a terrible relationship with her stepmother. She was forced to move to Brussels and fell in love with Phillip II of Spain, a romance not popular with her parents.

Suddenly, however, Margaretha died. Rumour has it she was poisoned.

Another detail of her life also links her to Snow White: her father’s copper mines were often filled with child labourers whose growth was stunted by working in them, mirroring the ‘dwarves’ in the story.

But Margaretha is not the only contender: Maria Sophia Margaretha Catharina Freifräulein von Erthal *inhale* also hated her stepmother. This - and the fact that her stepmother was given a mirror as a gift by her husband - also ties her to Snow White.

Hansel And Gretel

It’s possibly the most simple fairy tale up for discussion: a brother and sister are sent out to the woods by their father. The mother asked for him to send them away so they can survive a famine. But Hansel uses stones to trace their steps back home. One day, however, he uses crumbs. They get eaten by the local wildlife, so the kids get lost.

They then discover a witch's house, a gingerbread cottage. She lures ‘em in, fattens up Hansel, and prepares to feast on his flesh. The kids plot against her, throw her in the oven, and steal her stuff before heading back to live with their father.

Okay, so maybe this one isn’t based on a true story. It’s based on true stories. Yep - plural.

The real story:

Child abandonment and infanticide was pretty common during plagues, famines, and all other circumstances of poverty. In fact, this particular tale is believed to come from the Great Famine which stretched across Europe from 1315 to 1317. Child abandonment surged during this time.

Rapunzel

Turns out Disney lopped off a lot of Rapunzel’s real story to make it a family friendly movie. Yep, this is a weird one.

A pregnant woman begins to crave a kind of salad leaf (Campanula rapunculus, also called rapunzel) in the garden of the house next door. He goes out to nick it but is caught by the homeowner - a witch. She says he can take the rapunzel, but in return he must give her the child once it is born.

The witch raises Rapunzel as her own but locks her away in a tower when she is 12 to protect her from the outside world.

A prince eventually rocks up and decides to climb her immensely long hair. Unknown, probably PG-13 and probably not consensual acts happen. Still, given it's the medieval era they agree to get hitched after escaping.

The witch discovers her plan, cuts off her hair, exiles Rapunzel, and uses the locks as bait for the prince before throwing him to the briar roses below where he is promptly blinded. Rapunzel gives birth to twins and the prince finds her, identifying her only by her voice. Her tears restore his voice.

The real story:

Being kidnapped or being kept hidden away from the rest of the world is pretty common, well, all of the time. But Saint Barabara, a Greek saint, was the main inspiration for the tale.

She was locked away in a tower in Turkey in the third century by her father in an attempt to protect her Christianity. But her Pagan father’s efforts did not succeed and she discovered the ways of Jesus. She escaped but she was eventually caught by her father who then tortured and beheaded her.

Religious intolerance, y’all.

Beauty And The Beast

Time for another Disney classic with a heavily edited plotline.

The father of a family seeks shelter in a grand palace during a storm. In the morning before he leaves he takes a rose from the garden but is caught by a beast who threatens to kill him for nicking a flower. But the beast agrees not to kill him if his daughter takes his place instead.

The daughter moves to the palace but asks to go see her family for a week. She is then convinced by her sisters to stay at home. A magic mirror then reveals the beast is dying because she isn’t with him. She returns to him and her love breaks the curse that makes him appear so monstrous.

The real story:

Petrus Gonsalvus (1637-1618) was born with hypertrichosis. This meant he had a thick layer of hair all over his body - his physical difference didn’t go down very well. He was kept as a ‘wild man’ in a cage and fed raw meat.

When he was 10 years old he was gifted to the king of france. But he wasn’t kept as a ‘beast’. He was educated like a nobleman and was taught to read, write, and speak three different languages. He was then married off to the daughter of a court servant.

He was married to her for over 40 years and they had seven children together.

(Aww.)

Three Blind Mice

Three blind mice, three blind mice, See how they run, see how they run, They all ran after the farmer’s wife, Who cut off their tails with a carving knife, Did you ever see such a thing in your life, As three blind mice?

The real story:

It's one of those nursery rhymes you grow up with - and 17 years later you realise how traumatic it actually is.

This nursery rhyme can be traced back to the reign of Bloody Mary (16th century) who had a tricky relationship with Protestants. And by that I mean she burnt them alive, hence the nickname.

The three blind mice represented three Protestant bishops who may have been blinded before their execution or spiritually blind for following Catholicism. Another reference to Queen Mary was her as a farmer’s wife.

Her husband, Philip of Spain, owned several estates and thus was technically a farmer.

Welp, there goes your childhood.

If you liked this post go on and like and reblog. Go on, share your love for my amazing talents with the world!

And if you want to read an article about the paranormal every weekend then you best be hitting follow!

See you next week, kiddos. Sleep tight.

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spicykoreantatertots · 4 years

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Sleep Alone - Part One

Pairing: Namjoon x Female Reader (ft. Hoseok and Seokjin)

Word Count: 3.9k

Rating: PG-13

Genres: SFW, Soulmate AU, Angst (Future Fluff)

Summary: The timer on your wrist is ticking away until the moment you get to meet your soulmate. You often spend time daydreaming about your him. The time remaining on the timer has fluctuated throughout your life. Each big decision you or your soulmate makes can have an affect on the timer. A week before you finally get to meet, the timer gets extended by an additional forty years.

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, drug dealing, drug lording, meth labs, death, murder, blood, scary guys being scary dudes, someone gets arrested, but there is not smut lmao.

A/N: Proud to be part of Bangtan Scenery’s April Showers Bring May Flowers Collab! This is the first part of this fic. Part two will be coming in May! I may also do a NSFW one shot later this year. I’m excited to continue working on my soulmate series (one for each member). They are all based on songs by Waterparks, check out Sleep Alone.

Big shout out to @megahwn and @ho-baebae for beta reading and thank you to @lovely-literati for always being supportive. Love y’all! 💜

~~~~~~~

The street is deserted, only one parked car about a few feet away. He sneaks around the corner into the alleyway. Careful not to step on any debris or in any puddles, he slinks past the dumpster overflowing with garbage. He can barely make it out in the dark, but he’s found the door with the marking.

He reaches into his back pocket for his lock picking kit, but when he begins to work on the door he finds it unlocked. He pauses, unsure if he should continue inside, but the overwhelming metallic scent of blood floods his nostrils.

He rushes into the building. The first room is large and dim. But he can see boxes, buckets, beakers, tubing, and trash everywhere. It’s a meth lab. The smell of ammonia starts to overtake the smell of the blood. Until he sees two bodies in the next room and one big puddle of blood between them.

As he approaches cautiously he begins to recognize one of the people. Dae-hyun. He falls to his knees. The one person he was trying to protect from all this. Before the grief strikes him, there’s a crash from the other room. And footsteps. And then his chest is on the ground, the breath knocked out of him, a knee in his back. A booming voice.

“Kim Namjoon, you are under arrest for the murders of Jung Dae-hyun and Yoo Young-jae. You have the right to remain silent...”

~~~~~~~

It’s the same dream you always have. Following the path of rose petals up the hill. The sun is setting and at the top you can see him: your soulmate. You’ve never been able to see his face. You always wake up just before you reach him. This time as you approach the hill, he’s nowhere to be seen.

The gentle thunder from the approaching storm wakes you from your sleep. An early morning thunderstorm, one of your favorite types of weather. The gray sky and light drizzle almost lull you back to sleep. But just as you’re dozing off you see it. Your timer.

44y:67d:54h:23m

You have to do a double take. Forty-four years? Just last night your soulmate timer was counting down from four years. It’s not uncommon for it to change.

Each decision you make could potentially affect the timer. You changed your mind about college three times before you settled on the one that only added two years to the timer. One day, your timer went from 5 years to 3 minutes, but then quickly returned to 5 years. You had just been watching TV, so you often wondered what decision your soulmate made that brought you so close together and why he would have changed his mind.

But you couldn’t have done anything in your sleep last night to cause this... what did he do?

~~~~~~~

It’s the story of the year. Of all the exciting cities across the world, it has to be breaking in your hometown. The sexy new drug lord, Kim Namjoon, finally caught. It’s sick, but it makes for good news. Or whatever Buzzfeed is. They’re taking it as far as possible with their quizzes and bullshit articles.

Are you compatible with Kim Namjoon?

10 reasons why Kim Namjoon is the sexiest drug lord of the century.

Which paradise should you and Kim Namjoon escape to?

22 things to know about Kim Namjoon’s life before drugs.

Kim Namjoon as exoctic birds.

It’s not something you would normally be interested in, but during your morning social media scroll, one article catches your eye.

Could Kim Namjoon be your soulmate? Click here to see his timer.

There’s something growing in the pit of your stomach. It really really couldn’t be. The fact that the story broke the same day your timer had 40 years added means nothing... Right?

You check the comments, refusing to give into click bait.

Kim Min-seo

President Namjoon 2020

Steven Borden

Why do we care about this? He’s a murderer and drug dealer.

Karen Smith

prayers for the family

Jae Lee

He can murder me any day of the week.

Julie Ann

Can’t imagine having a half empty bed for 44 years. Thank god I got my mans already.

The feeling in your stomach radiates throughout your body. It can’t be. You give in and click on the article. A picture of Kim Namjoon. A close up of his wrist. It’s not exactly the same as yours, but it was taken two days ago. At 3pm. You do the math in your head. Then you do it again on a piece of paper. Then you plug it into Google, just to be sure.

It’s him.

So if any of you ladies or fellas out there have the matching timer, you can find him at the 48th Police Precinct before he’s transferred to a maximum security prison upstate. Click here to stay up to date on all things Kim Namjoon.

A gif of Namjoon being escorted into the police station plays on a loop at the end of the article. He is beautiful isn’t he? He could be a murderer, a full on drug lord. But as it begins to fully sink in, you know there has to be more to the story. Your soulmate couldn’t really be a killer.

~~~~~~~

There was no air conditioning on the bus to the police station. The warmth of late spring is making you sweat. You might think it was just your nerves, but the overwhelming smell of body odor confirms that everyone else is sweating too.

Looking around the bus at the other passengers, it’s hard to imagine where they might be coming from or where they’re going. Most people are probably doing normal things, shopping, going to work, visiting friends. Is anyone else on their way to face their soulmate?

Some chattering from the front of the bus pulls you out of your head for a moment. Everyone on the bus begins looking out the windows on the opposite side. You crane your neck to try to see what everyone else is looking at. It’s a crowd of people, but that’s about all you can make out.

“Stop #27: West 12th Street!” The bus driver announces over the intercom. The bus slows to a stop, your stop, right in front of the police station.

Fiddling with the strap from your bag, you exit the bus slowly. Soon you’re able to get a good look at the crowd. It’s mostly young women, all crowded near the entrance of the police station. They’re holding signs, it must be a protest of some kind.

As you get closer you can read some of the signs.

HUGS AND DRUGS

LEGALIZE

FREE KIM NAMJOON

END THE WAR ON DRUGS

PRESIDENT NAMJOON 2020

The protest signs seem... inappropriate? Especially considering he was arrested for murder and not his alleged drug lord-ing.

“Free Namjoon!” Shouts the girl wielding the “President Namjoon 2020” sign.

“He’s too hot for prison!” The girl next to her screams.

“Ji-woo shut up! You’re invalidating the cause.” You don’t stay to hear Ji-woo’s rebuttal, instead opting to duck inside the police station before they engage you.

It’s a bustling place. Lots of people in the waiting room. A woman with two small children is ahead of you in line trying to reason with the woman behind the counter. She’s trying to convince her that the $10,000 bond for her husband’s DUI is unreasonable.

“Ma’am, the judge sets the bail amount. There are bail bonds services down the street. Next!” She motions for you to step up to the counter.

“How can I help you?” She asks, not making eye contact, but instead clacking away at her keyboard.

“I’m here... to see Kim Namjoon?” It comes out as a question, without looking up she responds.

“You can go join the group of your friends waiting outside. No one can see him. Next!” There is a grunt from the man behind you in line when you don’t move immediately.

“I think...” You start quietly. “I’m his soulmate.” The woman stops typing to look up at you. You reluctantly pull back your sleeve and show her your timer, still ticking away.

“I see.” She stands and disappears down a hall and out of sight. You fight the urge to look around the room, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone who might have heard you. The forty years on your timer don’t change and you’re not sure what this means. Maybe they still won’t let you see him, soulmate or not.

After several minutes of awkwardly standing and waiting, she returns with a police officer.

“Ma’am please come with me.” The officer motions toward a door that leads out of the waiting room and the woman returns to her keyboard. The officer meets you on the other side of the door. It’s quieter than you expected. A bulletin board of wanted flyers stares back at you.

“He doesn’t want to see you, but he was willing to add you to his phone call list.” Your stomach drops. How could he not want to see you? He’s the one who’s been arrested, it’s you that shouldn’t be willing to see him.

The officer continues down the hall to a small conference room. There are two other people in it, another police officer and a man. The officer guides you in and then leaves.

“Hi please have a seat and fill out this form.” It’s a fairly simple form. Name, address, phone, relationship to detainee....

“Who are you?” The man next to you asks. He’s looking at you trying to fill out the form. You don’t respond to him at first, because who is he? He looks like any other guy off the street. Well maybe not quite. He’s dressed in basic dark jeans and a graphic t-shirt, but he is very handsome.

“I’ve never seen you before, why are you here to see Namjoon?” He prompts you again. He must know Namjoon. But if he’s friends with Namjoon... Namjoon the potential drug lord and murderer... can he be trusted?

“I’m his soulmate.” The words still feel awkward falling out of your mouth. But you don’t have much choice but to trust him. He’s your only line into the life of Namjoon. The man tenses up, drops his head into his hands. He says nothing, the lights in the room flicker slightly.

After too much awkward silence, you push your completed form toward the officer across the table. He tells you that you may receive calls from the station or prison when Namjoon is able to call, but the only way for you to reach out to him is to send letters to the prison. You thank him for the information and pause, waiting to see if Namjoon’s friend will say anything. He doesn’t, so you get up and leave the room.

You manage to get out of the police station and through the crowd of weird fan girls before the tears start flowing. What are you supposed to do now? Just wait around and hope he calls?

“Hey! Hey!” You turn and see the man from the conference room running toward you. You quickly wipe the tears away and straighten your posture. He slows a bit before approaching you cautiously.

“I’m really sorry. I don’t know... God. I don’t really know what’s going on to be honest. I just know that what they’re saying... what they’ve accused him of. It isn’t true.” Even though he’s a stranger. Even though you have no reason to trust him. You feel relieved.

“Who are you?” You finally ask him. He smiles a little and stretches out his hand.

“I’m Jung Hoseok.”

~~~~~~~

Namjoon’s friend, Hoseok, walks with you down the street to a cafe. He buys you a drink and tells you about Namjoon, the English, Government, and Philosophy triple major. The boy set to start law school in the fall. His best friend for years now, the friend who helped him finally find his own soulmate connection.

And now here you are. Namjoon’s soulmate, sitting across from Hoseok at a coffee shop.

“So, you clearly don’t think he could have done this,” you mumble across the table, “so what do you think is going on?” Hoseok is quiet for a long moment. He’s looking down at the cup of coffee, stirring mindlessly.

“I think he’s being framed.” The air between you is heavy, the weight of the situation settling onto your shoulders.

“Namjoon has- had this friend from his childhood,” Hoseok starts again, “he got mixed up into some bad things.”

“Dae-hyun?” You ask before taking another sip of your drink. Hoseok nods.

“I know Namjoon was trying to help him. He asked me to follow Dae-hyun a few times because he wouldn’t have recognized me.” Hoseok shakes his head a bit, as if he’s wiping away some memories.

“You followed him? That was so dangerous, why would you do that?” You question.

“I owed him one.” A faint smile crosses Hoseok’s lips.

“Well.... Did you learn anything?” Eager to hear more, eager to figure out how to fix this problem.

“Dae-hyun was dealing something, I’m not sure what. I guess meth, they found Joon in a meth lab didn’t they?” Hoseok takes a drink before continuing. “Dae-hyun was in a relationship with the other guy that was killed, Young-jae. I wasn’t sure, but Namjoon thought they were together. He said Dae-hyun would never do drugs much less sell them, so he assumed Dae-hyun must have been trying to help Young-jae get off drugs, get out of the drug ring.”

“Why did Namjoon do all this, why not go to the police?” You ask, your head beginning to hurt. Trying to connect the dots is taking its toll.

“If he had reported it to the police they would have busted Dae-hyun and Young-jae.” Hoseok pauses. “I think Namjoon was trying to take down the whole drug ring.”

“By himself?” You laughed to yourself. The stupidity... the guts... your soulmate is something else, isn’t he?

“Namjoon is a genius, but even more than that he’s compassionate and caring. And he must have been close, because they framed him for murder, framed him for running the drug ring himself.” Hoseok was right. The real leader of the drug ring must have felt Namjoon was getting too close to exposing them.

“Hoseok?” You tilt your head to the side, an idea brewing in your mind. “Do you think Namjoon may have left any evidence or clues for someone to find?”

“What are you thinking?” Hoseok raised his eyebrows.

~~~~~~~

It wasn’t difficult for you to convince Hoseok to take you to Namjoon’s apartment. It’s proving to be much more difficult to convince him to cross the crime scene tape.

“Hoseok this isn’t even where the alleged crime took place!” You shout, tugging your hands, trying to break Hoseok’s grip on you.

“We have to be careful about this. If we get incriminated too there won’t be anyone left to help Namjoon.” You don’t want to admit it, but he’s right.

“This is the closest I can be to him Hoseok, please let me go in.” Your shoulders droop and you stop fighting him. He doesn’t let you go though. He’s about to speak, but before he does, both of you hear footsteps running down the hallway.

A tall man wearing a baby pink sweatshirt is running toward the two of you. Hoseok drops your wrists and puts his hands on his hips with a huff.

“Jin what are you doing here?” Hoseok greets his friend with a hand slap and a bro hug.

“I don’t know exactly. My fiance sent me here to see if I could find anything helpful. She’s headed to Namjoon’s hometown to be with his family. They were close growing up.”

“Oh yeah... does that mean she was friends with Dae-hyun too?” Hoseok questions.

“Yeah she’s really upset about it.” Jin turns to you finally. “So who are you?”

“She’s Joon’s soulmate.” Hoseok says before you can answer.

“Bad timing, huh?” You laugh a bit to stave off the uncomfortable feeling.

“Yeah, well. I know a thing or two about bad soulmate timing. I’m Seokjin.” You shake his hand. He laughs a bit, not bothering to tell you about his soulmate story. The focus is back on entering Namjoon’s apartment.

Hoseok stands in front of the door, still wanting to weigh the options. Without hesitation Seokjin begins furiously tickling Hoseok’s underarms. Hoseok doubles over in laughter and then dead weights himself, sending both of them toppling to the ground. While both of them are laughing, you decide to reach for the door.

The door is unlocked, so you swing it open. You step through the tape, trying not to break it. Silence breaks over the three of you. The boys scurry to their feet and enter the apartment behind you.

“Don’t leave your finger prints on anything.” Hoseok whispers. It takes a moment for it to set it in, but the more you look around the room it’s easier to see.

Someone has been here. The place has been completely trashed. Drawers are open, couch cushions thrown about, pictures and decorations knocked down and smashed. You reach down and pick up a framed picture of Namjoon and his family. The glass falls out, so you remove the picture and slip it into your pocket.

Before anyone can say anything, there’s a sound from the back of the apartment where the bedroom must be. It sounds like a drawer slamming and then someone curses. Someone else is in the apartment.

The hair on the back of your neck stands up and you look back at Hoseok and Seokjin. They’re both frozen. Footsteps are coming from the hallway and a figure comes out of the shadows. Hoseok grabs your arm and pushes you back behind him.

It’s a man, yet another person you don’t recognize. He’s wearing all black and a leather jacket. Hoseok seems to tense further upon seeing the man’s face.

“What the hell are you doing here Min-jae?” Hoseok demands. The man stills upon seeing the three of you standing there. He puts his hands up and slowly continues walking toward you.

“Probably the same thing you are. I just need some answers man.” Min-jae stops about ten feet away and puts his arms down. Hoseok turns to you.

“Young-jae’s brother.” Hoseok mouths this information to you, trying to hide what he knows.

“I need to know what happened! Why would this guy kill my brother?” Min-jae shouts. He kicks a chair over in the kitchen while tears begin to fall down his face.

“Listen, we came here to figure something out too.” Hoseok continues, cautiously approaching the man. “Namjoon didn’t do this. He loved Dae-hyun, he was trying to help them. Dae-hyun was on drugs, your brother was probably trying to help too, but just got caught up in the mess.”

Hoseok was intentionally sharing the wrong information. He must have a reason to not trust Min-jae. Seokjin looks over at you and you shake your head once, so slightly as to not let Min-jae see.

“Well good luck because I haven’t found anything.” Min-jae let out an exasperated sigh.

“You’ve never been here before, so maybe we should give it a once over. We’ve all seen this place before.” Hoseok says, again, not the truth. You’ve never been here. You play along with Hoseok’s ruse.

The four of you search the house for anything that might be helpful. It’s more difficult than you thought because you don’t know what you’re looking for. But you are learning about Namjoon.

In the kitchen you learned that he seems to eat a lot of take away and instant ramen. In the bathroom you learned that he has a full skin care routine and that he uses cinnamon toothpaste. In the bedroom you learn that he probably misses the hamper when he’s in a hurry, and based on the polaroids taped to the wall, he enjoys traveling. Back in the living room, you learn that Namjoon is an avid reader. You’ve parked yourself in front of his book shelf, scanning each title carefully.

“He’s always got a book with him.” Seokjin says as he comes out of the kitchen. He reaches past you to grab a book from the shelf. It’s leather-bound and has his name printed across the cover.

Seokjin opens it and the two of you stand there, silently looking through the notes scrawled throughout the pages. Except, they aren’t notes. They’re song lyrics.

Your phone begins loudly ringing in your pocket, causing both you and Seokjin to jump. You excuse yourself into the hallway. It’s an unknown number, your heart skips a beat.

“Hello?” You answer quietly.

“A detainee at the 48th Police Precinct is attempting to contact you, do you accept?” An automated voice is on the other line. This is it. Namjoon is calling.

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kim Namjoon on the other end of the call, it sounds like he’s crying. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“Oh I know sweetheart.” You coo into the phone, it feels strangely natural to comfort him.

“Where are you?” He sniffles.

“I’m with Hoseok at your place.” You continue speaking in a hushed tone.

“Okay that’s good. Stay with him until this is over. You can’t trust anyone else.” The words send a chill down your spine, reiterating the seriousness of the situation.

“Seokjin is here too.” Your voice is trembling now, your hands shaking.

“Jin is safe.”

“A guy named Min-jae was here when we got here.”

“Son of a bitch.” Hoseok seemed to be suspicious of him and Namjoon’s reaction confirms that he is bad news. “Listen to me. Listen carefully.” Namjoon takes a deep breath.

“I can’t say much, I don’t know who is listening. There is a small flash drive taped to the back of the painting above my couch. Jin will know who to take it to. Get away from Min-jae as soon as you can, don’t let him see the flash drive.”

“Namjoon I-”

“You don’t have to do any of this, you can leave now and I won’t blame you-”

“No!” You almost shout it, probably getting the attention of the boys back inside the apartment. “No, I’m in this now. We’re in this together.” Namjoon takes a deep breath.

“Thank you. Please get yourself out of there.”

“I’ll see you soon, Namjoon.” You say firmly. It’s not an option. You will get him out.

“See you soon.” He chuckles lightly before hanging up the phone.

You take a moment, pressing your back against the wall. You try to catch your breath, but instead you cry. The tears silently roll down your face.

Back in the apartment, the three boys seem to be in the back of the apartment continuing their search. You tiptoe toward the couch and reach for the painting. It comes off the wall easily and you set it down silently on the couch cushion.

It takes a minute to spot it. It is actually very small and painted to be the same color as the back of the painting. You carefully remove it and stick it in your front pocket. You put the painting back up and turn to go find Hoseok and get the hell out.

Min-jae is there behind you, staring at you.

“Find anything interesting?”

~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! Part Two coming soon! Check out my Not Warriors Soulmate Series Masterlist!

Want to be added to the tag list, let me know!!

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particularemu · 4 years

Text

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 6

Parts: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 4226

Type: ANGST, FLUFF

Warnings: insanity, self-harm, suicide, drugs, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, physical violence

Tag List: @arohatiny, @malibuxw, @jisungsjheekies, @channiesmixtape, @minnepinne

Author’s Note: Guess who shows up in this chapter? 👀

Side note: y’all keep changing your usernames, which is making it very difficult to tag you. So if you guys don’t get tagged, I’m sorry ):

When Hyunjin arrived in your room the next morning, he was surprised to see you were fast asleep. Since he started working at the hospital, you’ve always been an early riser. He couldn’t help but wonder if something happened after he left yesterday.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Chan smiled at Hyunjin. The older boy looked worn out and tired.

Hmm... Chan doesn’t normally look so worn out after a shift. Something must have happened last night. Perhaps night terrors? You’ve been having them sporadically over the past couple of months, but lately, it seemed as though you were having them constantly. “Tough night?”

“Very.” Chan sighed. “She’s been having nightmares all night. I tried to comfort her, but nothing was working.”

“Oh no…” Hyunjin sighed. The poor thing just couldn’t catch a break. You’ve been through so much over the past few months and now you have to suffer with nightmares that keep you from sleeping through the night. He wished you would talk to him about them — tell him what you were seeing when you closed your eyes at night, but... he understood why you didn’t want to.

“Dr. Douglas walked past her room when she was in the middle of a panic attack.” Chan sighed.

Hyunjin mentally cursed his luck. “Of course he did. What did he do?”

“He let me handle it.” Chan paused. “He suggested more Peroproxin. I agreed, but I haven’t given her anything.”

Hyunjin nodded. “Thank you.” Words couldn’t describe how grateful Hyunjin was for Chan. Every single time you take a dose of Peroproxin, you wind up having horrible anxiety attacks. Hyunjin couldn’t bear to see you go through that again.

“Of course.” Chan smiled. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure she’ll enjoy your company more than mine.”

Hyunjin waved at Chan before heading to your bedside, brows creasing when he saw you squirming in your sleep.

Oh no…

Hyunjin wished he could give you something to take the nightmares away, whether it be a pretty dreamcatcher or a plushie to hug. Unfortunately, the hospital wouldn’t allow any of that. Hyunjin shook your shoulder, startling you awake before you went into a full panic.

You frantically sat up, eyes scanning the room as you caught your breath. As soon as your eyes met Hyunjin’s you dove into his arms, startling the young doctor. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, so slowly — so gently, anyone would think you were made of glass. “Hey sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here now. What’s going on?”

“I had a nightmare.” You sniffled. “A bad one… I think.” Your hands grasped Hyunjin’s shirt, pulling the doctor as close as physically possible. “I don’t remember what happened. I feel like it’s a memory, but I just... I can’t —” You started to tear up.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunjin ran his fingers through your hair. “Don’t work yourself up.” Hyunjin leaned his head against yours. “You’re okay.”

“I’m sick of not knowing anything.” You pulled back and wiped your tears. “I’ve been here for a couple of years and I don’t know why. I haven’t seen my family in ages. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just scared Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin could feel his heart shatter as he saw the hopelessness in your eyes. You were giving up on yourself. He couldn’t allow you to do that. “I know sweetheart.” Hyunjin rested his hands on your shoulders, soft brown eyes boring into yours. “I can help you with that.”

“You can stop these nightmares?” You sighed and wiped the tears off your cheeks.

“No… Umm. I can use some therapy practices to dig those memories out of your brain.” Hyunjin smiled softly, eager eyes searching yours for any signs of hesitation. “Do you want to try it?”

You thought about it for a moment. Was that even possible? Would Hyunjin be able to help you recover your lost memories? You didn’t want to let him down. “You really think I can remember what happened?”

“Yes indeed.” Hyunjin pulled back, tapping his index finger on his temple, a strange habit you grew to love. “Memory repression was discovered by Sigmund Freud. According to him, people who suffer from severe traumatic experiences can unconsciously reject those memories. Patients have been known to forget the entire situation as if it never happened!

This was discovered in the late 1980s when there was a series of allegations of child abuse in the U.S. With the help of therapists and counselors, the children were able to recall certain memories. Of course, psychologists wondered if the claims were valid.

There’s no ethical way to study memory repression in a controlled setting, so there’s no way to know how repression works. I’ve heard of many cases where patients tried to recover memories, but there were inconclusive results because the brain tends to replace traumatic memories with false memories.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you watched Hyunjin pace about the room. His eyebrows were knit in concentration as he spouted information as if he was a human textbook. A small smile tugged at your lips as you watched the genius's lips move, intelligent words tugging at your heartstrings as he told you about how fucked up your brain was.

“That’s what I’m worried about with you.” Hyunjin turned to face you. “Recovering repressed memories can dig up some bigger issues. We can try using hypnosis or guided visualization, but some experts believe those techniques aren’t reliable.” Hyunjin paused, a small pout forming on his lips. “Sometimes recovering those memories can create new symptoms. You’ve been through too much already. I don’t want this to set you back at all.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but Hyunjin kept going, making you smile.

“There are many studies out there that have proven it’s possible for the brain to create false memories. Sometimes they can remember those fake memories in more detail than their actual memories. Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to tell what memories are true or false.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the boy the longer the tangent went on. “Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin paused, eyes widening as his cheeks flushed. “Right… Sorry.” He chuckled nervously. “My point is, I can help you recover those memories if you want, but it is risky.”

“How so?”

“Well…” Hyunjin paused and sighed. “These memories had to be traumatic for your brain to stash them away. Are you sure you want to know what happened?”

You paused. Hyunjin was right. What if remembering those things would be too scary? What if you uncovered memories you never wanted to see? Maybe you were better off not knowing anything, content in your make-believe life you managed to conjure up while you were stuck in the institution. Still… that’s not a life. You were dying to know who you really were. You nodded. “I want to try.”

Hyunjin smiled softly. “Okay, why don’t we sit on the bed.” Hyunjin sat on the mattress and pat the spot next to him. “Turn and face me, and hold my hands.”

You did as the boy asked, sitting criss-cross in front of him as your hands slid into his. Anxiety bubbled in your chest as you prayed that you’d be able to uncover something... anything! Even if it was a small memory. You haven’t seen your mother in ages. Perhaps you could uncover memories of her? Hyunjin squeezed your hand and — God, it felt nice having his long fingers intertwined with yours.

“Perfect.” Hyunjin smiled brightly at you, making your heart soar. “Can you close your eyes for me?” You shut your eyes, hands tightening around Hyunjin’s as you fidgeted. Sure, you trusted Hyunjin but having your eyes shut made you uneasy. The sounds of Hyunjin’s soft breathing made you feel calm. “Very good.” His gentle voice made you feel safe. “You’re doing great.”

“I hope so.” You giggled. “I just closed my eyes.”

“And you closed your eyes like a pro.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Now, I want you to think about that dream you had.” Hyunjin’s voice lowered ever-so-slightly. “Can you tell me what you saw?”

“I saw…” For a minute, you completely blanked. What did you see? Where were you? Oh… you were walking down the street at night. You could recall seeing a van. “I saw a navy blue mini-van.” You said. “I think it was blue anyways… Maybe it was black?”

“Very good.” Hyunjin’s soft voice made you feel safer.

You could vaguely remember walking down the street, the street lamps illuminating the sign of a very familiar bakery. You could recall the smell of fresh-baked bread and pastries, the beautiful cupcakes resting in the display case, the art hanging on the walls. “There was a bakery.” You smiled. “I used to go there every morning. My friend owned that bakery.”

Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile at your excitement. “Very good.” He traced the outside of your hand with his thumb for no reason in particular. Your hands were so soft… he could hold them all day…

Oh, but that’s not something he should be thinking about right now. “Was it night?”

You nodded. “I was heading home.” Your brows creased. “I don’t know where I was, but I know I was trying to get home.” You walked right by the van and — you could see flashes of a struggle, a man holding your arms back as you thrashed, a searing pain in your head.

Your eyes snapped open. “I can’t do this anymore.” You stood up and pulled your hands out of Hyunjin’s. “I can’t do it. I can’t.” You started to breathe fast, hands rubbing your arms. “I can’t.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunjin quickly pulled you into his arms. “You did so well sweetheart.” He pursed his lips as he felt you shake in his arms. He was so curious — he wanted to ask what you saw, but now wasn’t the time. God, he shouldn’t have tried to resurface those memories.

“Hey, look at me.” Hyunjin pulled away from you, resting his hands on your shoulders as your teary eyes met his. “It’s a process. We won’t uncover everything right away.”

“You’re right.” You wiped your tears and sniffled.

Why did this hurt so bad? Hyunjin sighed as his chest tightened. It felt like his heart was being pulled in two different directions. Here you were, a girl who’s confessed, a girl who has admitted her love for him, and Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He couldn't find the courage to kiss you, to hold you, to tell you how he felt. All he could do was sit and stare at you.

“Oi! Dumbass.”

Yes, he was a dumbass. Wait…

Hyunjin couldn’t help but snort when Minho popped his head through the door, looking obviously annoyed. “It’s almost the end of my shift, I thought you were coming over like an hour ago.” He chuckled. “Are you coming or not?”

“Where are you going?” You looked at Hyunjin in confusion. He usually doesn’t leave unless it’s absolutely necessary. Frankly, you didn’t want to be without the boy. “Can you stay?”

Hyunjin smiled and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. “We are going to meet someone.”

You grinned and stood up, tightening your grip around Hyunjin’s hand. This felt so natural — like you were meant to have your hand in his. “Who are we going to meet?”

“We’re going to meet Minho’s friend. His name is Han Jisung.” Hyunjin followed after Minho as the three of you walked down the hallways to Room 318.

Minho opened the door and rolled his eyes. “Seriously Asher? I asked you to watch him for five minutes.” Sure enough, Asher was lounging in one of the chairs, thumb swiping left and right as he swiped through a random app on his phone.

“It’s not my fault you took so damn long.” Asher sighed. “I have shit to do.”

“Like play Candy Crush?” Hyunjin snickered, making Minho snort and laugh.

“Shut the fuck up Hyunjin. This doesn’t concern you.” Asher took a step forward. The boy wasn’t quite as tall as Hyunjin — in fact, Hyunjin had a good few inches on Asher. However, the shorter boy was packing some serious muscle.

You released your grip on Hyunjin’s hand, shifting behind him the closer Asher got to the tall boy. Your hands wrapped around his arm as you leaned your head between Hyunjin’s shoulder blades as if his back would protect you from the angry man in front of you two.

“Asher, just get your shit and leave.” Minho sighed. “I’m not in the mood for this drama.”

You glanced over at the pile of papers Minho pointed to, immediately spotting your name. Why did Asher have your medical information? Do those papers contain information about your past? You slowly let go of Hyunjin’s arm and walked over to the papers while Asher had his back turned, attention completely on Minho. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to walk away, but there were so many unanswered questions. You were dying to know.

“Drama?” Asher scoffed. “You think I’m creating this mess?”

“No one else is talking.” Minho frowned. “You’re the only one with your panties in a twist about watching a patient for five fucking minutes. I’m back. You’re done. Now go.” Minho gestured to the door.

Jisung burst into a fit of giggles at Minho’s words. “Panties!” He laughed hysterically. “I bet you wear those pretty pink ones.”

Something completely snapped in Asher. Pure rage filled his eyes as he stalked towards Jisung, finger pointing in his direction. “You shut the fuck up.”

“Hey!” Minho stepped in front of Jisung before Asher could do anything. “Get out now.”

Your head snapped to the chaos as you reached behind you, grabbing the packet of papers while Asher was occupied. You moved quick, rushing to Hyunjin’s side to shove the papers in his chest. Hyunjin looked confused as his eyes quickly scanned the contents. “What is this?” He whispered in your ear.

“Hide it now.” You were practically shaking, afraid that Asher would turn around any minute and catch you stealing from him. If he was THIS angry after being teased, you couldn’t imagine how pissed off he’d be once he finds out you stole from him.

Hyunjin quickly slid the papers in his bag, confusion evident on his face as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He’d have to look at the papers later when the immediate threat of being beaten down wasn’t on the table.

“I’m not done with him.” Asher snarled, hand curling up in a fist as if he was ready to punch anything standing in his way.

“Get. Out. I won’t say it again.” Minho leaned forward, practically touching noses with the angry boy.

God, you’ve never seen such fury in Minho’s eyes. Usually, the older boy had such kind, sparkly eyes. At that moment, they were filled with pure hatred. You hoped you would never have to see those angry eyes directed at you.

“Just get out before you embarrass yourself further. It’s not like you’re a real doctor anyway.” Hyunjin crossed his arms over his chest, chuckling as Asher’s head snapped to him. “Oh? Did I upset you?” Hyunjin taunted the boy.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Asher snarled.

“See, I thought it was suspicious that you knew absolutely nothing about the prescription process, so I went ahead and looked at your records,” Hyunjin smirked. “Guess who doesn’t have a medical degree?”

Asher turned bright red and lunged for Hyunjin, knocking him back into the wall. The man’s hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s throat. “Shut the fuck up!” You’d expect Hyunjin to look afraid, but the boy merely glared at Asher, fury evident in those chocolate eyes.

“Jinnie.” You tried to run to his aid, but Minho grabbed you and pulled you away from the chaos, so you wouldn’t get hurt.

Hyunjin was afraid — very much so in fact — but he couldn’t show any fear. He didn’t want to frighten you. He ignored the rapid thumping in his chest and practically growled. “Get out of this room, right now.”

You could see what was going to happen — it was plain as day. You managed to slip out of Minho’s grasp right as Asher pulled his fist back. Before he had the opportunity to throw a punch, you threw your body at him, nails clawing his arm as you pulled him away from Hyunjin. “Stop please.”

Asher threw his arm back, hurling you into the corner of the room. Blood ran down his arm as he stalked towards you, ready to fight. Your body was shaking against the cold tile floor. You just wanted to protect Hyunjin. Before Asher got too close, Hyunjin stepped in front of him. “Leave now, before I tell the whole hospital about this.”

Asher merely chuckled. “Oh, and what good that would do.” The boy glared in your direction before heading out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

You lifted your sore body off the ground and clung to Hyunjin’s side, making the boy’s heart melt. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, hand rubbing your back to soothe you. “It’s alright. He’s gone now.” Hyunjin kneeled in front of you, holding your hands in his as he asked, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck, throwing the boy off guard. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you frantically tried to explain yourself. “I didn’t want you hurt.”

“Shh. I know.” Hyunjin rubbed your back. “But that was dangerous.”

Jisung watched the entire exchange intently, eyes narrowing when he saw the blatant affection. It was unusual to spot things like this in the institution. It was rare to find a doctor who cares half as much as Hyunjin or Minho. But that wasn’t a Doctor/Patient relationship… That was love.

“Well, now that asshole is gone.” Minho sighed. “This is Han Jisung.”

Your cheeks flushed as you parted from Hyunjin, suddenly realizing how unusual it was to cling to your doctor. You smiled at Jisung, immediately noticing how confused he looked. Well… more like — he was out of it. Jisung looked like he completely understood what was going on around him, but it looked as though he was living in a fog.

“I told Hyunjin this last night, but Jisung used to work with me.” Minho smiled sadly. “The hospital claimed he went crazy and killed a worker, but…” Minho paused, frowning. “I know for a fact that’s not true.”

Hyunjin smiled and walked over to Jisung’s bedside. “You look well Jisung. It seems like Minho takes good care of you.”

“I always take good care of my patients.” Minho pouted, cheeks flushing slightly. “I’ve been taking away Peroproxin, but Dr. Douglas always has his nose down my back when I’m giving Jisung his medication.” Minho sighed. “So he’s still getting some.”

Hyunjin nodded. “Do you remember how you got here?”

Out of nowhere, Jisung burst into a fit of giggles. “Tell me… When is a doctor most annoyed?”

What?

Hyunjin looked at Minho in confusion. “Uh —”

“Yeah, he does that.” Minho interrupted Hyunjin. “He’s either spouting crazy nonsense, completely sane, or he’s making you feel like a dumbass with those riddles.”

“You guys are too stupid to play with me.” Jisung pouted, making Minho chuckle.

“Yep. All the people with medical degrees are dumbasses.” Minho laughed. “Even the genius can’t figure it out.”

“Yes, I can.” Hyunjin pouted. “When is the doctor most annoyed…” He tapped his index finger on his temple as he tried to think of an answer. He was never good at riddles. Oftentimes, the answer is plain and simple, and Hyunjin’s brain always had to look into every single option.

“Patients.” You whispered to yourself, catching Hyunjin’s attention.

“You know the answer sweetheart?” He smiled. “What is it?”

Oh God, you didn’t think he heard you! You really didn’t want to chance looking like an idiot in front of a couple of smart doctors. Besides, you weren’t 100% sure that you were correct. You weren’t sure if you could take the teasing that would come with being wrong. “No, I didn’t say anything.” You grabbed onto Hyunjin’s arm once more, making the boy smile.

Jisung giggled and made kissy faces towards the two of you, making your cheeks flush bright red. “Stop that.” You let go of Hyunjin’s arm, noticing the faint blush coating his cheeks as Minho burst into a fit of laughter.

“Jesus, you guys seriously need to —”

“When he runs out of patients.” Jisung interrupted the three of you. You were grateful to see Minho and Hyunjin’s attention completely on Jisung, teasing completely forgotten as Jisung started to laugh at his own joke. “Get it? Patience? Patients?”

Hyunjin chuckled. “You deal with this —”

“Every fucking day.” Minho laughed. “He makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.” Despite the harsh words, you could tell Minho enjoyed spending time with Jisung.

“How did you try to escape?” Hyunjin asked Jisung, eager eyes waiting for his answer.

“Tell me, boy… There are two stupid convicts locked in a cell — or more like a dungeon of rock and rubble. There is an unbarred window high up in the cell. It doesn’t matter what these idiots do — whether they stand on the bed, or on top of each other — they can’t reach the window. They want to dig a tunnel out, but they give up on that idea because it’ll take too long and they’ll be long dead before they escape.” Jisung smirked and leaned forward towards Hyunjin. “One of them figures it out. What’s his plan?”

Hyunjin pursed his lips as he tried to figure it out. There are only two options, right? Either they dig a tunnel to freedom, or somehow they find a way to get up to the window… But Jisung just said neither was an option…

Oh! Hyunjin had it.

“They’d still dig.” Hyunjin smiled. “They would dig and pile up the dirt until they could reach the window. They would only need to get enough dirt piled up, so they can lean the bed back on the headboard. Then they could use the bed as a ladder to reach the window.”

“Wow, you’re a smart one.” Jisung laughed.

Wait… Hyunjin pieced something together. “This had to have been your plan before you turned into a patient.”

“Ding ding ding!” Jisung giggled.

“How though?” Minho frowned. “That wasn’t in our plan at all…” He trailed off.

“He was a hostage before he was a patient.” Hyunjin smiled sadly. “He was probably forced into a cell before he turned into this.”

You sighed. “How do we get out of here?” Your hands gripped Hyunjin’s arm tightly.

“I can bring tears to your eyes; resurrect the dead, make you smile, and reverse time. I form in an instant but last a lifetime.” Jisung sighed, sadness evident in his features.

“A memory.” You knew the answer, it was a riddle you knew well from an activity book Hyunjin gave you months ago. “It’s a memory.”

“What a smart girl you have on your arm.” Jisung smiled.

Memories… Hyunjin pursed his lips as he tried to think. Sure, your memories were gone, and so were Jisung’s but what would recovering those memories do, aside from putting both of you through more fear and trauma? “I don’t get it,” Hyunjin mumbled.

“I do,” Minho spoke up. “The best way to get out of here is to use the exit plan Jisung created years ago. We planned to leave with one other person…” Minho trailed off.

“Wait, you never mentioned another person.” Hyunjin frowned. “Who do we need to look for?”

“It’s because that fucker and I don’t get along.” Minho sighed. “Dr. Demain was the other party. We needed him to escape.”

“What happened?”

“Well, Dr. Demain threatened to kill me after Jisung was taken. I only learned weeks later that he and Jisung were close for a long time. They created this plan long before I arrived at the hospital, but this dumbass felt the need to save me too.” Minho sighed. “I was the reason nobody escaped.”

Hyunjin felt bad for the boy. Of course, he’d blame himself for this. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t really know what happened, but you’re too kind to betray others.” You rested your hand on Minho’s, making the boy smile sadly.

Jisung watched the exchange before speaking up. “There are what-ifs and why-nots in every memory, but good decisions come from mistakes you’ve made in the past. Without regret, you wouldn’t have a fire to light the torch — the torch that will lead you out of the darkness.” Jisung chuckled and stated calmly, “Every single wall in this institution is coated in the loveliest shade of red.”

Hyunjin’s blood ran cold at Jisung’s words. That pretty much said it all. The institution was full of murder and deceit. He felt your grip tighten on his arm. The room was tense. Something was going to happen.

Jisung laughed maniacally before he dug his nails into his own arms, drawing a decent amount of blood. The boy continued to scratch at his own arms, coating them in red as he giggled at nothing.

“Stop!” You cried as Hyunjin left your side. Minho grabbed Jisung’s arms and held them away from his body, forcing the boy to stop hurting himself. Hyunjin quickly sedated the boy, heart panging in his chest as Jisung fell limp against the bed.

Minho sighed and quickly pulled out the first aid kit. “Thank you, but you need to get her out of here.”

Hyunjin shifted his gaze to your shaking frame, hand covering your mouth as you tried not to cry. He grabbed your hand and ran his thumb over your knuckles. “Let’s go sweetheart. You don’t need to see any more of this.”

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