#have something that i know will be good lmaooo
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Oh I adore getting your reblogs! It's always so fun getting to read someone's thoughts about things! But I'm also so happy that you enjoyed this one!
more for you!
Many thoughts...
He’s never been able to resist a bad girl wrapped up like the girl-next-door.
I can 100% see that-- that man never stood a chance! he likes to play the game, especially when the girl he's interested in is leading the way 🤭
He knew how good his biceps looked in the short sleeves of his uniform. And the way his pants clung to his legs and ass. He’d been spending a lot of his free time in the gym lately and it showed.
Yeah, let's show it off 😌-- he's such a slut (affectionate)! but if you ask him he'd just say he's a feminist and doing it for the female gaze, lmao
He wanted that smile turned on him. Wanted to see if the look in your bright eyes would be just as playful with your gaze pinned on him instead. He wanted to be the one making you laugh.
A man on a mission-- my favorite little attention whore
It’s not like he’s going to go over there and lick your face like a kid might try and claim dibs on a cupcake.
Lmao that would be funny though 😅-- maybe next time, lmaooo. but also he knows what he's bringing to the able and backs himself all the way, he's not afraid of a little competition (not that there is any, haha)
Bradley’s never been one to shy away from making an entrance.
Oh, we all know 😅-- the cockwalk alone deserved an oscar
“Well, shucks,” you say with an over exaggerated shrug. “What about if I said I was roped into waking up at an ungodly hour to catch a flight up here because my best friend’s boyfriend is a Naval aviator and she wanted me to keep her company for the ‘casual five-hour cruise’, as you called it.” “Now that I believe,” he drawled. “So, what’s his name?” “Well, she calls him Jacob. He has one of those silly callsigns too, but I always forget it,” you scrunch your nose adorably as you search for it, “Something-man.” “You mean Bagman?” “Yeah, that sounds right.”
A woman teasing Jake? Bradley is probably thinking about proposing right then and there😅-- the easiest way to win over bradley bradshaw is to dunk on jake at any given opportunity, lol
“A private tour? Lucky me,” you purr. “Lead the way Lieutenant Commander Bradley Rooster Bradshaw.” You knew what you were doing, he’d give you that. And he was eating it up with a spoon ready to ask for second, third, and fourth helpings.
😌🤭😌🤭-- she's got him soooo wrapped around her finger, and good for her it's what she deserves!
And he knows he shouldn’t, that he could get in some big trouble for showing you areas that weren’t explicitly on the official list of tour stops. But he’s always been more of the apologize later type. Plus, he hasn’t been on this ship for very long, it’s not his fault if he manages to get conveniently turned around.
Definitely not his fault 🤷🏻♀️😅-- he's innocent your honor!
You reach up and run a playful finger along the brim of his cap, “So what’s a girl got to do to get a turn wearing the hat?” His mind flashes with images of the last time he’d let a woman wear it. “I’ll have you know this is technically Naval property, they don’t let just anyone have one. You usually have to earn it. But for you?” he pauses and gives you a heated once over, “I’ll let you try it on for free.”
His hat has probably been worn by multiple women before 🤭-- that hat has definitely seen some action that's for sure, lmao. and who he is who deny anyone who wants to try it on for size 🤭
He likes that you want to know these details about his job, he likes that he gets to share this with you. Even if the clock is ticking down before he has to get back on deck.
That's so cute 😍-- he doesn't often get to share this side of things so indepthly with anyone, he's definitely not missing his moment here!
“It represents strong ties, baby. It’s a symbol for the supportive partners and wives of those serving onboard,” he whispers low and sweet into your ear. “Bradley,” you sigh as you turn your head towards him for a kiss. It’s desperate and wet. And he can almost taste the neediness of your moan on his tongue. He’s never done anything like this while on duty on a ship before, and the thrill of it has his veins thrumming with adrenaline.
There always has to be a first time 😌-- the man likes to live on the edge! the adrenaline rush of it all! plus everyone else is busy, and it is called the ready room after all haha
“You’ve had me hook, line and sinker since the damn second I saw you.” He grinds himself against your ass and you whimper at the contact. “What do you want from me? I’ll be so good to you, so good for you.” “Fuck me.” He can feel his pulse thundering in his throat. “I’m trying to,” you whine.
Oh I bet he does 🤭🤤-- we all know that man doesn't half ass anything and we thank him for his service!
And he’ll sure as shit never be able to be in a Ready Room again without getting a hard-on. The memory of you bent over the table before him will forever be ingrained in his brain.
🤭🤭🤭-- she's definitely made a lasting impression on him!
“I see you found your gift early, baby.”
Ahhhh omg-- i love a good twist!! and this one is one of my favorites!! 🤭🤭🤭
Bradley would never forget the first time he saw you that night at the bar downtown last year during Fleet Week. He had noticed you right away, it had been impossible not to. You and your girlfriends had been all done up in hot pink outfits for the Bachelorette party you were out celebrating. Your friend had flounced right up to Jake taking the shot of whiskey out of his hand before swallowing it down then cheekily offering to buy him a replacement. Hangman had been wrapped around her finger ever since.
Love that they both met each other's partners on the same night out 😅-- i ended up writing about the night they met! if you ever want to read it it's called "wildest dreams"! it's another cheeky and fun one, but I loved getting to explore just what happened the night they met!
He could never be mad at you, especially not with his necklace around your neck. You were his, and he was so gone for you. “It looks so pretty on you,” he tells you softly as his fingers brush over your collarbones.
Oh he is so in love🥰-- he's so down bad!
“Oh my god, Rooster, I can’t we defiled Naval property.” You giggle as you wrap your legs around him to pull him closer to circle your arms around his neck. “I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been defiling Naval property ever since you brought me home with you the night we met.”
^^ the most perfect gif in existence, lmao. they're both go getters ahahahaha
You take that cap off of your head and set it back on his, and lean in to kiss him on the cheek, “Glad I’m getting a good return on my taxes then.”
Facts 🤷🏻♀️-- i wouldn't mind getting a return on my taxes this way, just saying... lol
“Maybe it has a little something to do with the man in the uniform,” you make a little hum as you check him out. “You’re so tan, Bradley, have you been using the sunscreen I sent with you-”
Wear that SPF!!-- my fav hc is that he's always getting sunburnt because he just doesn't have the patience to put it on.
When you’re both back on the open flight deck he walks you over to the railing along the edge of the ship and wraps you up in his arms to watch the coastline crawl by with his last few moments of freedom.
Ahh I loved all of this so much 🥰-- i'm so happy you liked it!! thank you for reading!!
Hey, Sailor
Summary: It’s Fleet Week and Rooster would rather be anywhere else than on the flight deck of the USS Portland. That is, until a pretty thing in a sundress catches his eye and then suddenly his day is looking up.
Pairing: Bradley”Rooster” Bradshaw x Female Reader
Length: 5.8K
Warnings: Flirty Banter, Smut, and Bradley Bradshaw in Summer Whites (Minors DNI)
Note: When @roosterforme asks you to write her a Fleet Week fic, you write the Fleet Week fic! Here you go, Em! 💛
Normally, Rooster loved Fleet Week.
He loved the lively atmosphere and the parades. He loved the free drinks that were handed to him as soon as he entered a bar. And he especially loved all the attention he got from women when he wore his Summer Whites.
He usually came back to the ship looking less than pristine with lipstick on the collar of his uniform and hidden on other places on his body.
The USS Portland was teaming with excited families and camera-happy civilians taking in the sights from deck of the transport ship as they settled in for the five-hour journey to the San Diego. It was a Fleet Week tradition to welcome people aboard for an immersive experience, picking them up from a port further up North and then cruising along the coast before making their final docking for the week.
There were grills set up on the deck and the smell of flame kissed hamburgers and hotdogs mixed with the sea salt air. The sun was shining and the mood was light.
But this year, Rooster simply could not be bothered to give a fuck.
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some notes on to all the boys i've loved before!svt (hyung and maknae) | 💌 est. release dates for special chapters -> feb. 13, thurs (hyung) & feb. 15, sat (maknae), gmt+8.
(1) in the smau, cheol is 'your best friend's brother', but it was originally supposed to be something else: 'your [older] brother's best friend'! i brought it up in conversation with someone (chugging-antiseptic-dye, i think) and was convinced to do a switcheroo at the last minute.
it's acknowledged in the first line of the letter ("this is the cliche of all cliches...") but something about cheol just slots into the trope all too well. i've seen people joke that he's a strong start, and i blame myself for squeezing the 'pretty girl' and 'gorgeous' pet names in one screenshot. lmao.
(2) jeonghan being an upperclassman at the school play was a call made by diamonddaze01, with respect to jeonghan having attended an acting institute for a short while. initially, the 'main lead' trope was supposed to be seokmin's— but i was convinced that jeonghan's acting background is way too underutilized in fic. [linking jeonghan's acting stint in KIGGEN(키겐) ((PHANTOM)(팬텀)) _ PLAYBACK(다시보기) for funsies!]
the little letter is so jeonghan as well, particularly "you didn't have to be so nice to us." i think it's very telling of hannie, to crack jokes and give words of encouragement even to the 'smallest' role in a production.
(3) i have zero shame in admitting that this trope came way too easily to me. guitar teacher!shua? sign me the fuck up. it's a blend of all his little passions— the guitar, other people, etc.— and so it was a bit of a no-brainer. couple that with his politeness over the letter and you have something that is just so shua-coded.
i have visions of fingers with embeddings of the strings, of shua's eyes crinkling in quiet laughs as he teaches you to play. it's all in the letter, and i'm just amused at the thought of MC being so distracted over her crush on shua that she didn't learn anything past the most basic song to play on guitar.
(4) nothing like a good rivals to ...? trope to get the blood pumping! i will be honest: if i had a say, my hyung line vote would go to junhui. the ending line in his letter ("wen junhui, if i didn't know any better— i'd say that you liked me a little bit, too") was my absolute favorite for the hyung ver.
this one has a healthy dose of emotional constipation/tsundere!jun/etc., although here is also a small confession: the trope was initially soonyoung's. i switched it out after staring a little too long at his exclusive fairytale photos.
(5) among the hyung line, this was the one i settled on last, if only because i had to pull that switch. this was prior to soonyoung admitting he knows how to get latte to stop kissing him ([sighs heavily]). i was thoroughly amused by MC falling for the owner of the pet she sits often.
i like the line "you care deeply for all loving things, big and small" in the letter, if only because i think it's characteristic of how soonyoung is as a person. latte is technically a plot device (lol) in this story, although i can just imagine how part-lovable/part-insufferable soonyoung would be as a client.
(6) this is not the first gamer!wonwoo trope you will see. it will not be the last. this was also a relatively easy trope to assign, although a expounds on it by referring to wonwoo as "the guy you meet/play with on the League of Legends forums." i make a passing LoL reference in the letter, because that's the foundation of the crush: the bespectacled guy on the other side of the screen who will beg and borrow for one more game with you.
i tend to make my gamer!wonwoo's a little more on the awkward/'loser' side, so the cockiness in the texts are certainly new. i didn't want to get too nsfw on the main (lmaooo) so the jab of "i didn't know you liked my fingers that much, though" is up to your imagination. (:
(7) in her reblog of the hyung post, heartepub says something to the extent of "i can imagine jihoon's fingers shaking as he types out 'if you want'" and it endeared me to no end, because of course. anicon-goer jihoon is another stroke of brilliance for a. in hindsight, i think it's just a little too niche to hit the right makrs, but i wanted to do something that was characteristic to the members.
this almost became something akin to jihoon falling for a cosplayer/being a cosplayer himself; i don't think i had enough room to worldbuild that much, though. overall, this is adjacent to a more tsundere jihoon/a jihoon that reciprocates but cannot confess.
(8) on a technical end, i'd written mingyu's letter first buuut i rewrote it... and so i consider seokmin's the first that i really wrote for the maknae line. immediately, i was worried i'd be screwed and everybody would be able to tell that i am madly in love with this man. anyway. we ball.
for the maknae line, my vote admittedly goes to seok! one part i really enjoy is the parallels between "everything good about the summers… the hot days, the crackle of campfires, the chirping of cicadas" -> "you're the sun, seokmin. you're the fire; you're the song", which is really just MC's roundabout way of confessing that seokmin is everything good about her summers.
(9) it took several consultations with maplegyu to nail gyu's trope. she's eventually the one who came up with the prospect of him being that handsome constant on public transportation. the letter says a lot about mingyu's more caring attributes, and there's also a bit of a parallel to hannie's.
mingyu doesn't have to be nice, to be sweet, and yet he wants to. <- this was a concept i'd wanted to integrate in the texts, but since the texts come first, i didn't know how to make it seamless. the vague idea here is "is mingyu sweet to you because he likes you, or is he like that to everybody?"
(10) combining the two things i love (bookstores + minghao) is, unfortunately, a cheap shot on my end. bookstore cashier!minghao sliding in with a pickup line alluding letters to milena just had me shaking my head at myself, honestly.
i couldn't resist sliding in a small poetry reference. his letter ends with "xu minghao, you could sell me the world" -> which is a shameless allusion to maggie smith's good bones, namely the part where it goes "i am trying / to sell them the world. any decent realtor, / walking you through a real shithole, chirps on / about good bones."
(11) the idea of 'weekend warrior' seungkwan entails some backstory-telling, since i feel like it doesn't translate too well in text/letter: seungkwan is a guy you run into a lot at your weekend markets. the two of you exchanged numbers, mostly for convenience, to discuss produce and essentially find somebody to go with! for my fellow filipinos, the scene i have in mind is comparable to the salcedo saturday market hehe.
i've gotten a number of reactions to seungkwan's 'mrs. boo' quote, which, you know what? completely valid. MC x seungkwan bicker like an old couple, and the thought of a seungkwan on the flirtier end is just a little too good to pass up on.
(12) 'friend of a friend' vernon is a very specific trope wherein you find your acquaintance/etc. attractive and desirable. there's a joke constantly made that a crush is only a crush until you find out more about them, and i feel like that's the vibe of this particular verse. vernon is ~mysterious~ and [seemingly] unattainable, making him the guy of your dreams.
the letter is vague enough. the texts are a little more in character, in what (i hope 🤞) reads like actual textspeak you might expect from this Man.
(13) i do think it's worth clarifying that chan is not blood-related to MC; 'auntie's son' had a longer title ('the son of your mother's friend') that didn't quite roll off the tongue lol. this one has two lines i enjoyed writing ("i think i'm supposed to fall in love with you" + "i don't want to have you, because then i stand the chance of losing you), and overall just slots right into the childhood friends to ...? trope.
i've grown quite fond of the more sunshine-y aspects of chan's personality, hence the excitability and sarcasm in the texts. it's a bit of a puppy love situation, admittedly, and it's a question of whether that's enough for something real.
thank you for receiving this little project so well! :") whenever i do annotations, i always say "this story is yours now"— but the choose-your-own adventureness of it all makes it all the more true.
see you all for the special chapter! xo linking one final time for those who want to cast votes/reread:
#── ᵎᵎ ✦ yapping#[ when i saw that hyung has over 1k votes i think i let out THE loudest gasp known to man... ]#[ what do u mean some 1k accounts decided to be like YEAH i have something to say about THIS!!! ]#[ crazy times :") tysm for enjoying it ahhh ]
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My first SG-1 watch-through is either going to end today or tomorrow and I am a lot sadder about it than I expected to be
#stargate#sg1#stargate sg1#once i got to the later seasons i was like 'yes almost atlantis time!'#not that i wasn't enjoying sg1 i was just very excited#but now i've had these guys so long i don't want to let them go 🥺#think i'm going to try to finish it today so i can start atlantis on election day#have something that i know will be good lmaooo
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omg sweetie pie don’t talk about chains I’ll BLUSH. definitely never been into that…
How do you think the rest of the Batfam reacts to Jaytim finally happening (something along the lines of your secretary fic) ?
I think Cass knew how they felt before them, Damian is disgusted (but secretly pleased), Dick found out by walking in on them at Tim’s apartment, and Bruce had no idea and has none until Jason tells him point blank. Alfred? Somehow orchestrated the whole thing.
I'll keep that in mind babe ;) (*adds 'Spicy Hardware' to the budget)
Ohoho, that is a fun question, and one that I often have trouble answering because I am like a horse with blinders on when it comes to my hyperfixations and my ships OTL Jason and Tim usually get the brunt of my obsessive analysis, leaving only minimal room for other characters to squeeze their way in. RIPeroni you two ❤️
That being said, I'm a huge liar because I do actually have some Thoughts lol
It largely depends on the state of the verse we're in and how involved the others were in watching their courtship go down, so without further adieu, here's how I think the batfam would react to finding out about jaytim's newly minted relationship in my secretary!au fic:
So in Secretary!AU in particular, the others weren't involved to an almost suspicious degree 😳 Tim is losing his mind for a month over Jason daylighting as his secretary, and he never finds out anything resembling the truth from anyone? What??
Which of course means some of them were simply unaware because they don't give a shit or assume Tim isn't suffering (Damian, Duke, Bruce) and some ARE aware to some degree that this is unusual and came to their own conclusions. And promptly decided to stay out of it (Dick, Babs, Steph, Cass, Alfred - Duke might actually be here, it depends lol)
In particular, Steph hears Tim's mini rant/breakdown Day 1 and is simply too amused. Because she watched him suddenly start deflecting Jason's attention 3 months ago, and oh boy does this feel like a comeuppance. She's got popcorn and is asking things like, 'i dunno Tim, why do you think Jason followed you to the office where you have to reliably be?' and after all of it, when he shows up with a hickey after patrolling with Jason that night, she golf claps at him
Cass shrugs at Tim when he vents where she can hear, because she's been waiting for them to figure this out for like. A year now. She is surprised when Tim had his Jason-shaped epiphany because she knows that Tim has been Into Jason ever since that time in the park with Poison Ivy, and Jason called him a princess for getting particular about decon. (Similarly, Cass also knew that Jason has been low-key into Tim since the time before that, when Tim ugly laughed so hard at a joke Jason made at Dick's expense that he nearly inhaled a french fry). When they get together, she is standing next to Steph, also golf clapping because Steph told her it would be funny
Dick had to listen to Jason complain about Tim ghosting him a month or two into it (Jason and Dick were in each other's vicinity and Jason asked how Tim was doing. Dick said he was 'fine, why?' And Jason scowled and muttered, 'No reason. Feel like he's been dodging me, is all' and a tiny red alert pinged in the back of Dick's head) so when he hears that Jason is at Wayne Tower and that Tim is having vent sessions about it with Steph, his eyebrows shoot waaaay up. He kind of hopes that the Tower is still standing after Jason's done getting whatever vengeance he has in mind (Jason's prank war game is both legendary and unhinged). When he finds out what actually transpires (or rather, guesses what transpired), he has a small moment of relief because 'oh phew, is that all?' and then immediately BSODs because 'WAIT WHAT, IS THAT WHY YOU GUYS ARE CLAPPING--'
Babs quietly figured out why Tim was panicking pretty early because no one ghosts someone for having a good, fun, tbh flirty relationship for literally any other reason. She wondered vaguely if Jason was going to a) clock it and then b) do anything about it, and then equally quietly paused auto-uploads on Wayne Tower office footage so that she could make Tim review it instead. She simply Will Not be the one to log the data from Monday morning, thanks.
Damian did not and does not give a fuck. He briefly questions Todd's sanity. Then immediately discards that thought because it's Todd. He would like Grayson to quit yelling at that octave though, because his 'i'm secretly happy for you but also hurt that you didn't confide in me' shouting is very grating and makes Damian nervous.
Duke I'm on the fence about, but I lean towards 'i was sitting over on the bench' for him. He was so busy Staying In His Lane that he simply did not notice that this was happening. 'Uh, congrats, I guess?'
Bruce was keeping tabs on the situation. He does not plan to review the footage either. He has ten more gray hairs than he did yesterday, and is pondering how their relationship might affect their performance in the field, but trusts that Tim has likely thought through the ramifications and likely scenarios that should need to be compensated for. (Being involved with your teammate can be frightening and stressful; it could lead to strain between the two of you, and opens new vulnerabilities up for exploitation. But it can also be deeply, deeply rewarding. Hm.) (also shout-out to the one commenter who theorized that Bruce was the one on the other end of the phone call that Jason yanked the cord on. LMAO. ROFL, even.)
Alfred defuses the tension in the cave by reminding everyone to please finish their reports, and that there are refreshments in the dining room upstairs when they are finished, should anyone be joining the household for dinner tonight. He is very pointedly looking at Jason and Tim when he says this, because they Will be joining the household for dinner tonight, because it is the duty and privilege of a grandfather to tease his grandson (Jason) for having a boyfriend (Tim). Idk if Alfred called it in quite the same way as Cass, but he knew there was something interpersonal they needed to work out, and also that Tim has had a crush on Robin for his Entire Life, so he's not exactly surprised.
...aaaand sorry if I skipped anyone, but that's my list lol
#jaytim#me: oh boy I don't really know what ti think about that!#also me: heres a list detailing precisely what i think about that#<333#🍷💥 anon#secretary au is so fun lol#but they really should have known something was up when nobody else stuck their noses in it#asked and answered#COMPLETELY BLEW PAST YOUR OWN SPECULATIONS OMFG. WAUGH#those are all so good lmaooo#i do love chessmaster alfred tho because he is a common secret keeper between them hehehe#in other aus jason and tim seperately going to alfred and being given advice re: each other is something so special to me#and yes. Bruce Does Not See It
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fuck it. plaguesona
#i thought of this a couple weeks ago on the bus a couple seats away from someone loudly coughing into the open air#i think something snapped and i decided to make a fuckin. medieval ass plague sona. horseman of pestilence fursona#this is also why i was asking abt animals with medical symbolism.. originally i wanted a two headed snake like the staff of caduceus#but it turns out thats actually hermes symbol. the real symbol for medicine is the rod of asclepius which looks pretty similar#the difference is that theres only one snake and its twined around a stick. ironically mercy from overwatch's weapons are named after#the caduceus despite the misconception LMAOOO#snakes were the most consistent medicine related animal i could find even across multiple cultures so it couldve really worked#if i could actually draw scalies.. one of my earliest sketches had a cobra with a syringe at the end of its tail like a rattlesnake#and it had markings similar to the syringe tube but i didnt have much else going on so i scrapped it#i was also recommended animals with less obvious ties to medicine like jellyfish and horseshoe crabs and learned something new ^_^#im not confident i could pull off a non-mammal furry but they were really good ideas i might put into smth else.. i also thought of#axolotls bc of their regenerative thing and growing back limbs but i think that would suit smth like a surgeon or amputation...#possums and bats were also an option bc theyre actually really resistant to most diseases like rabies but i feel like ppl wouldnt know that#if they saw it so it looks a little ironic at a glance. rabbits rats and mice were my second option bc of animal testing and lab rats#less obvious reference but the moon rabbit in chinese mythology is loosely connected to medicine bc it makes the elixir of life#otherwise lab mice in a pharmacy / modern medicine setting seemed fitting and jerboa tails remind me of cotton buds#and. ironically. jerboas are more closely related to elephants than rats and mice. can you believe it#my art#myart#my oc#sona#plaguesona#cottonbud#fur#furry art#character design#ref sheet#oc ref sheet
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uuuuuhhh no reason just wanna see the robot get preggers because nobody is really taking advantage of the narrative consequences of the robots of ULTRAKILL having fleshy bits inside them (in my humble opinion hahahaha...hahaha....hah....). Anywhosen also a sucker for general Bad End especially when it involves a psycho-sexual (breeding) binding to a greater entity but also I wanna see the murder-robot get knocked up. And the galaxy brain bit of this is instead of calming down they just get Worse.
YEAH NO ONE REALLY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT. and well i mostly assumed a very small percentage of people actually want to breed the robots like that which is why.
also i don't think this as a bad end, but a bad path that can lead to some other.. inch resting things (my stupid ass is trying to craft a plot with horror and drama from this path and how it'd change the story slightly despite knowing I will never get around to writing it in fic form except tiny excerpt ideas and art)
also i have so much to say abt the 'it doesn't calm down it just gets worse' bc its So true
#kicking my legs. it sooo genuinely gets worse i think it believes its actually in “love” with hell. and maybe it is.#gets worse and loses itself more and more. abandon any last trace of identity that had never been regarded anyway by anyone#its easy to let something guide you and instruct you in nearly everything if it feels too painfully good? and why spend more power thinking#altho for the. plot i was conducting in my head it was msotly involving gabriel and the primes bc of an idea my friend gave me which was#that if this occurred before v1 reached the prime sanctums it could have been guided or instructed to go to the sanctums but at the time#it does its currently carrying a child and because of that both the primes and v1 itself are spared because. i dont know if i think#the kings would fight a pregnant person . i at least think sisyphus Wouldnt because wheres the fun in an opponent who appears to already#be disadvantaged. (even if it can fare just fine.)#if any friendships were able to be made (cough . i like sisyphus qnd v1 platonic and romantic) itd be kind of. sad from an outside perspect#ve to watch it deteriorate into being less of its own entity and becoming slowly just another extension of hell. even in fighting it shows.#i wish i could explain it all better#and sorry if this ask is late to be answered i was writing my rwsponse at a con LMAOOO#.txt#ask#i want to write i have no timeee no energyyy but hear me out there is potential for crazy wackjob shit#ive decided also not to kill gabriel i think i should do somethign fucked up with him and his inexperience in relationshios#i forgot who suggested he should get so desperate that he begs for hell to take him as well. (which i cant decide if it would or wouldnt bc#its kind of really funny and mean if it#says no)
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Guess who's going on an actual fr date on Saturday ahsjakkskaksl
#not snz#it's ME I'm going on a fucking date#i still feel like i just imagined the whole thing ahsjakks fucking surreal#literally haven't stopped smiling since i said bye to him lmao#also why am i so nervous and freaking out about it lmao i literally know this person#but I've never been on a date in my almost 22 years of life so that'll probably do it ahsakskks#he's sooooo#😩#still pathetic of me to be like this over some guy but fuck man lmao#I'm still so tingly about it ahsakksks like is that normal or am i having a medical emergency lmaooo#actually never gonna get over the way he described me like ahdkakskkal#i never knew anyone saw me that way and I'm so so fucking soft about it like god wtf lmao#genuinely didn't know what to say lmao like how do you respond to something like that#especially coming from him too??#i mean not to say he isn't nice or a good person or anything he's just not usually very direct when it comes to stuff like that#like you kinda have to read between the lines which I'm shit at so i always err on the side of caution and assume nothing#which he knows now LMAO#and i definitely appreciate the directness it was just wild to hear lmao#i won't get too much more into it bc i doubt y'all wanna hear all that but god#I'm still trying to chill out enough to go to sleep ahdjakksl#anyway that's all there's the update for y'all lmao#partner posting
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again.#i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this#so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo#i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me#my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning#so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me#i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip#and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to-#-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover#but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries*#it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen#this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it#but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good..#all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel#and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is#i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t#the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’#to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from-#-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!!#it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most#like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them#the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10#and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again#he’s like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head#but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch#because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :)#anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as-#-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate#i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell.#i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight
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i may or may not have started a whole brand new fic for the first time in literal years
but with my track record and inability to finish things i feel like i should see if i can keep up the energy first before i breathe any of it into the world 😔
#but half the fun is chatting with people about it!!!#literally it's like over 6k of something lmaooo#i should try to finish the spy au first but in my defense the next part is like halfway done#this new thing is just eating my brain#there's been some irl machinations happening that are making it super clear the last few years i was in such a huge funk#dare i call it situational depression#and idk the fact that i have been tapping into writing fic again feels like maybe a good sign?#but oof i don't wanna leave another fic hanging ya know#rambling tomatoes
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what are some major events that happened in your lord eclipse au? and do ones similar to canon like old moon sending him a wither storm go differently?
is there special events that eclipse, Sun, or that one of the followers made around him? does he have activities he likes to do in general?
OH MAN. I'm gunna be honest, I'm actually not entirely sure about the first question?? The timeline/canon I have is very loose and changes from scenario to scenario, but I suppose a few events that are pretty consistent are "The Centipede-ening", Eclipse's fall from grace (isolation from his followers due to boredom) with unwavering loyalty happening somewhere around that time period, Moon n Lunar show up... and then i Guess they release the wither storm?? Though, I do like to replace the wither storm with something that isn't. The Minecraft Story Mode Wither Storm LMAOSJWLDK
After that, though, I usually divide into two different outcomes from there and either go "Sunvant dies and slowly heals in the afterlife with his Moon, Lunar, and Bloodmoon" or "Moon and Lunar takes Sunvant back home with them and he slowly heals in the main tsams universe." Both are varying levels of angsty and bittersweet so he has to endure Healing Horrors no matter what LMAO
ALSO YES ‼️ I actually started making a small list of events/important days for Lord Eclipse's world (before getting distracted so there's only one date on it LMAO 😭) but I imagine that some days were sort of... pre-installed?? by Eclipse, like his primary day of worship (which is June 1st bc that's when he first started existing!), but some events may be entirely made by the rest of the followers! I just. dunno what those events would be yet LOL. I could also absolutely see Sun making his own personal special days that revolve around Lord Eclipse just so he feels like he's especially faithful tbh!
#asks#anon#lord eclipse au#I HOPE THIS SUFFICES LOL 😭#there's several more ideas i have that are either just... too small to mention or i'm just unsure if i actually wanna implement it#like monty saying something to sun that he—as sunvant—havent ever told monty and he's like#what? why do you know that about me?#and monty's like ah. uhm. just... forget i ever said anything.#sun asking lord eclipse if he'd ever get his own stained glass window someday—'you know. since you've appointed me as your servant?'#and lord eclipse immediately shuts down the idea with a guilt trippy 'why would you want such a thing? you'd take attention away from me.-#-do you want to make people forget who they're supposed to be worshipping here?'#OH OH#IVE ALSO THOUGHT ABT THE IDEA OF THERE BEING A GROUP OF DISSENTERS THAT WANT TO DETHRONE LORD ECLIPSE AND SUN ENDS UP JOINING THEM SOMEHOW#i have never thought of a single good ending for that idea tho LMAOOO 😭#it always ends with Sun cowering under the furious gaze of Eclipse while surrounded by the bodies of all the people who had been involved#POINT IS: THERE'S SEVERAL THINGS I ENTERTAIN THAT I DONT RLLY TALK ABT BC. SHRIG#MY OWN SELF INDULGENCE COMES FIRST WITH THIS AU I WONT EVEN LIE SORRYSJSHSJFN#centiclipse#sunvant
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why did i decide to take a job at an extremely active and sport-focused camp this summer.
#well on the bright side i got my legal name changed to phoenix on the staff portal#but training starts tomorrow#and im gonna be the bitch that's slower and less fit than everyone else#like i genuinely do not see a scenario where that doesn't happen#i'm either gonna have to push my body beyond what its capable of doing comfortably#or ask for breaks#i hate the society we live in#where i internalized that asking for breaks is weak and embarassing#but to answer my own question. it's because the pay is so much better than the other camp jobs i was applying to lmaooo#i mean i'm sure i'll get more fit as the summer goes on#but being behind everyone else in the beginning is gonna be so stressful#i tried so hard to exercise more this month. but i don't think i did it more than 3 times a week#which i don't think was enough#but hopefully it will be something#i also hate the sun and bugs.#WHY AM I DOING THIS KASJHDAKSHD#i don't even know if i like working with kids :''')#i hate new situations where i have no idea what to expect#i did as much research as i could but the autism can't handle the things i can't know or prepare for#idk what i need rn. everyone's who's told me that its gonna be fun or a good time or whatever has not helped#and anyone who's validated me and said that it sounds stressful hasn't helped either#so i will take your likes on this post as a little kiss on the cheek <3#that's all i need#phoenix talks
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I think part of the reason why I struggle to feel close with anyone is like. I really only know how to get my social need filled through judgement and approval and rank-climbing.
It's part of why I keep wanting to involve myself in Greek Life, despite knowing how toxic it is. I'd have people around me always, constant social events, and the expectations would be clear and harsh always. So I'd have clear and easy ways to get supply. If someone's "love" is conditional, then I know when I'm doing the right things, I know when they're approving of me, I know when we're "connecting". I crave it.
But the system's close friends? They'll approve of us no matter what. So like. What then? How do I feel that connection? If I don't have to earn their care, what direction am I supposed to go in? What do I do, what do I talk about, how do I act?
#just spilling thoughts everywhere rn but ugh#im so lonely#saw smthn online that felt like it was calling me out directly lmaooo#about not caring about individuals and only caring about avoiding loneliness#(like i care abt ppl's well-being but i have no personal investment)#it felt like a strength. grey cares so deeply about specific people but also gets cut just as deeply bc of it#meanwhile i could get attention from anyone and be just as satisfied. couldn't care less about who it was or if x or y person randomly#stopped talking to me#(b4 anyone comes at me. again i intellectually care about the well-being of individuals. like i want them to have a good life and a good da#yknow. and im not a jerk. and personally i DO *want* to connect i just dont know how. the emotions and drive aren't there. it's not persona#at all. and it's fine if that's a dealbreaker for ppl but i'm not evil for it and i don't treat people badly bc of it)#my supply-seeking and overworking myself and ED behaviors are all caused by the same underlying need#i don't know how to exist without people. which is so funny bc for so long i've acted like i'm so invulnerable and independent and don't#give a shit about anyone's approval. but i do. so fucking deeply. and since direct interpersonal relationships are terrifying#my brain seeks out the next best thing - societal approval. no names or faces attached. just anyone. something. anything.#when i'm talking one-on-one with someone - yknow what no gonna make this another post and try and work it out separately
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when asked about what career I'd be interested in for my future, i always said something within the animation industry. i was very passionate about the topic since i was young, and admittedly as i grew and grew more i just babbled that out even when i wasnt all that passionate about it, because it was what i thought to be the most obvious choice. i like to draw, dont i? people around me always said to make money out of what you like to do.
now that I'm at college, i realize i quite loathe drawing for the sake of work www ive always been fine with some commissions here and there based on what i myself choose to offer, but if it was to be my fulltime job without that liberty ive realized i quite dislike it wwww... I don't quite like being told how, when and what to draw, I'm very hellbent on staying how I like my brain says to
suddenly, im thankful the animation career in my college was somewhat hidden from me, so i ended up working for a marketing and design, so i won't be spending the rest of my years regretting my degree choices T_T; thankfully design is something I do enjoy no matter what I'm given and what I must adapt to, and I find myself eager and eager to learn publicity techniques for my career. fate has blessed me so my money was well spentT_T!!!! thank god
#i talk!!!#i was starting to think about this slowly as i gained more and more drawing related classes#i doubted myself since ive always spoken about my future plans with conviction to my family#im not sure i just. i have always made myself do so since admittedly i didnt expect to get to this point😭 but people didnt need to know#so when i started thinking about how i dislike drawing as a career choice i felt a bit embarassed#but now that ive got more classes involving drawing and its made me more and more frustrated over art#it is then where i realized that the issue wasnt the class but the fact that i hate to draw as a duty LMAOOO#i LOVE drawing but only now where im in such an enviroment where im consistently made to draw out of job and study i realize its just my fu#its my silly hobby😭😭 i draw whatever i want whenever for the funz!!! :3#in a way realizing that has made me much happier and less tense#and thankfully what id actually like as a job is something i already have a good hand at due to using digital programs often#so im at ease😭😭 i feel like weight has been taken off my shoulders#i will draw my silly creatures at peace while i go work and fight at meeting rooms over what marketing tactic should be used 🩷#that sounds just so fun to me LMAOOO
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discourse is wiiiild
who is this
so true bestie
#if this is risa lmaooo bitch go to SLEEP we have a competition TOMORROWWW#but if it's not hi anon & ughhh. u r so real <3#i think idk i know it keeps happening again & again & in lots of fandoms so none of this is special but it's so . irritating <33 to handle#like omg the entitlement. sorry but go find a hobby ?#& these r probably children so like. ugh#idkk i just mind my own business & what ppl do doesn't concern me but like :/ i hope they'd reciprocate that#like sorry i can't be online all of the time i'm trying to build a stable life so as not to literally . starve and die#and same goes for a lot of artists/writers/vidders too. or mybe they fell out of love w/the fandom! or r just dealing w/things & will come#back! or r fucking dead idk !!!#i understand the sadness of dealing w/a dead fandom. oh my god how many times have i entered a fandom to find it so desolate & empty#but u gotta try hard to find a community man. ik it's hard & there r factors as to why u mayb can't find ur ppl#& sometimes u just want it to magically happen. omg my anxiety was so bad back then everytime i talk to ppl i just shut down a lot& can#never continue to talk to them. but that was at least me trying.#& i was never good at writing nd editing stuff. but i still tried my best & put them out there so maybe some ppl would enjoy it. that was m#trying!#& ik it's them trying to reach out too but omg. with that attitude. respectfully stfu :/#acting like u own a fandom bc what. u repost art that's not urs? content that's not urs? posting about ur thoughts that aren't that#original & have been thought of by thousands of ppl? & shitting on everyone else whose posts u don't like? girl sit down#'teehee my thoughts r unhinged i'm the most unnormal person here' ppl have been saying those things since 40 yrs ago girl idk#'x readers fics so cringe die die die' block them & move on with ur life#'why aren't there this and this and that' ok fair. but also when i feel like that i just do the thing i wish there was more of. shittily ye#but i try. or i find things from other social media platforms or websites or forums girl idk. i Do something. u gotta do something#ik everybody's lives r different ik i should be considerate when ik what exactly what they're feeling but ugh i don't care. Be Decent#i'm just not gonna Mind it like lmao bye. filipino behavior (/j i love my country i love my people)#anyway anon lmaooo. hope the popcorns r ready#& idk i wanna go back & be active again bc i might have more free time to just dilly-dally after finals but ykno what. i'm gonna try to#find an internship instead idk#catdrain#asks#anon
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#rant cw#🌙.txt#delete later#i had this online friend when i was like 14 and she was 2 years younger than me and we were really close for a long time#we kept in touch until i was about 19 i think and i don't remember how we drifted apart but we did#we still follow each other on insta though and we're still on each other's close friends list etc#and she has contacted me a few times to say she saw something that reminded her of me and she missed me#but i could never really hold a conversation with her#but like. when the flood happened last may i lost both of my journals and all of the letters i kept (including my ex's and my mom's)#EXCEPT for the letter this friend sent me for my 16th birthday#bc i had put it somewhere else and forgot to take it out and put it in my drawer with the other stuff#so i still have that letter bc it's the only one that was saved#and then last night i had this very... realistic (?) dream about her where she came down to my state and we spent the whole day hanging out#and it was so fun??#and it's been in my mind all day and i can't stop thinking about it 😭 so i feel like maybe i should dm her or something#but i'm kinda putting it off bc i'm not really in a talking mood this week and i feel like if i try to dm her i'll end up ghosting her 🙃#but idk. to be honest i feel kind of uncomfortable talking to her#mostly bc i feel embarrassed by how little my life has changed in the past 10 years#while she graduated got a decent job led a decent life and has been in an apparently good relationship for a long time now#she's just so well put together and i'm still the same 19 year old idiot except i'm 10 years older now#i mean for fuck's sake just yesterday i spent hours listening to songs i loved when i was a teenager as a way to escape the present lmaooo#and i know i can't truly know much about someone's life based on their instagram posts#but i can still see she's much better and more mature than me 💀#anyway. maybe i'll tell her about the dream and the letter when i feel like i'm in a better mood to try and keep a conversation going
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