#have i ever mentioned how very pretty erika is?

[episims]

Erika I didn't think I could be this nervous about opening the shop! I hope the renovation was worth it...

Lydia "I've never seen this many people here..."

Erika "Oh, isn't it great? Keep the queue moving, and I promise there will be a bonus on today's pay!"

Erika "Good people! The shop is closing in an hour. But there's still time to pick some of those mouthwatering cucumbers!"

[kedsandtubesocks]

erika i am so curious about baseball player gojo..... like.... omg 😳😳

Sel… I am going to chase after him with a baseball bat…

00: Foul Ball.

You run into the tallest man you’ve ever seen in your life at your favorite local coffee shop.

Literally, while moving to your usual seat this giant of a man, not paying attention on his phone, smacks right into you spilling both his and your hot drinks all over you.

It burns, thankfully not that much. Mainly embarrassment and annoyance burn you more. Frustratingly you try to dab away the mess with the pathetic wad of napkins the guy shoves at you.

“Look! Please let me pay for another drink and anything else you want!” Your mystery man

“No it’s fine.” You seethe trying to gather your dignity.

“Aw come on! Those pumpkin cheesecake muffins look pretty good! Don’t you want one?!” He cries almost desperate.

Turning up you’re about to snap at him when you finally get a very good look at your current enemy.

He’s tall with striking cloud white hair. Sleek modern sunglasses slide down his nose as azure pool eyes stay focused on you. And of course he’s absolutely gorgeous.

To save your sanity your eyes dart to the bakery display and spot those muffins he mentioned.

“…okay fine. But I also want a croissant.” You mutter.

He buys you two of each.

You’re also surprised at how adamantly he drags you to sit down at a table.

“We can break bread together over our temporary peace treaty.” He beams.

The man is annoying charming, like a song you find annoying but can’t help but still bop your head to.

He’s new in town, actually moved here all the way from Japan.

“That’s a long way from home.” You admire genuinely. “What brought you out here?”

“Work.” He says simply and with a shrug.

Your mystery man rapidly and eagerly jumps to ask about you, where you work, what you do.

It feels…like a pity conversation. As easy as it is talking to him, you know this is unfolding simply because he ran into you and is trying to just smooth things over.

“Look,” you sigh picking at your croissant. “We don’t have to do this.” You wearily wave your hand between the you and him. “The pathetic small talk and all that. I get it, accidents happen and I appreciate the apology muffin. But you can head out.”

“Don’t forget the ‘I’m a clumsy and unaware idiot’ croissant I got you.” He adds and your lips twitch.

“And come on. I’m not that boring to talk to am I?”

He isn’t and it annoys you even more.

“Besides, who says I maybe just wanna chat with the cute stranger I accidentally spilled various drinks on?” He smile wide at you and it’s dangerous.

He’s dangerous.

Mystery man vows to run into you again same time next week and he is true to his words. In his hands are more pastry treats and your drink order, because of course he remembered.

It’s then that you finally learn his name.

“Gojo, Satoru Gojo.” He introduces himself. “Though you can call me cute coffee guy.” He smoothly adds.

You refuse to call him that and he playfully cries.

Again, it shocks you how just easy it is talking to him. Conversation is casual and so effortless. Gojo eagerly listens to your recommendations about places to visit, restaurants to try out.

“As long as you go with me! I need my own cute tour guide unless I’ll get lost.” Gojo pleads.

You roll your eyes and hate how fast your heart beats at his words.

Then his phone goes off. Sighing Gojo answers it. You give him privacy by looking at your own phone. However, you can’t help but catch bits of the conversation. He talks about a photo shoot scheduled for the end of the week and how his agent will be making any adjustments to the time slot.

And it clicks. He’s a model. He’s definitely a model.

“Sorry, work being dumb.” Gojo apologizes as he hangs up.

“No worries.” You reassure him casually. You realize you never fully asked about his job last time.

“So, what do you do?” This time you make sure to.

Gojo’s wide sky eyes flicker to you as he takes a sip of his tea.

“Oh I’m a professional baseball player.”

He answers so casually while setting his drink down, like he just told you about the weather. For some reason you can’t help but laugh. Because model made sense, but a baseball player?

“What?!” Gojo cries playfully. “I’m serious look!”

Suddenly he grabs his phone again. He quickly types something on it and turns it to you.

What he did was Google himself. Because of course he did. Low and behold, you discover he is indeed not a model.

Instead, you see his broad shoulders, his tall frame, looking infuriatingly gorgeous in a uniform -

And you learn that your mystery coffee man, Satoru Gojo, is in fact a very real and actually very famous professional baseball player.

[racingliners]

Fic Writer Interview

tagged by @monacotrophywife and @alpinelogy tysm Lima & Erika!!!! 💚

How many works do you have on AO3?

27! Mostly F1 fics with some Star Trek ones too.

What's your total word count?

581,636. Let it be known that I do enjoy going off on one.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Rules of Strategy (153)

the og version of Life In The Fast Lane (144)

This Must Be a Mistake (116)

I Guess You Are Right (86)

No Mistakes With You (77)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try my best to! Mainly because I feel like the only way to acknowledge a comment on ao3 is to reply to it, and it's a nice space to talk about my thought process for a scene or bit of dialogue if someone mentions a part that they liked!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I make it a point to keep the angst to a minimum because I'm just too soft dbhdbshbh

I guess the closest I have to an angsty ending is I'll Be Okay, Someday which has an open ending (though with a hopeful vibe)

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Definitely No Mistakes With You - nothing like kissing the love of your life on your wedding day in the bright summer sunshine (I was very much going for maximum fluff in that one)

Do you write crossovers?

Yes! Discretion Is The Better Part of Valour is my beloved Shovson Star Trek AU that I wrote for the hypersoft fest and set (roughly) during Star Trek Discovery. I'm actually in the process of writing a prequel for it (but in prose format) which is v exciting!!!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no (pretty sure it would make me want to stop writing forever)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm very much a hand-wavy, fade to black smut writer (the closest I've got to writing smut was in Depths) only because I think it's really hard to write good smut (there is so much good smut out there like oh my god) and I know that as a writer I'm not at the point where I want to try so for now I'll leave it to the experts until I'm brave enough.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'd definitely be open to it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not in the official sense. DITBPOV which I mentioned above was a collab with @shovson (he drew the most stunning art for it!) and when we were planning everything we bounced a load of ideas back and forth, a good few of which ended up in the final work.

I have absolutely no idea how the process of co-writing a fic even works but if the stars aligned I like to think I'd be down for it!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

For Star Trek it's a tie between Trip/T'Pol from Star Trek Enterprise or Michael/Book from Star Trek Discovery.

For F1 I think Sewis has definitely barged its way into my heart (the 2022 drivers dinner was what sealed it for me), but Shovson has definitely jumped up the list recently.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Not gonna lie friends I am so worried that my re-written version of Life In The Fast Lane is going to be in WIP hell forever 😭. Partially because I hit a bit of a road block with it a few months ago but also because I grossly underestimated how big a project it would be (past me did not leave a lot to work with so a lot of the Season 1/2023 chapters was written from scratch).

I love it so so dearly, it's the fic that got me back into writing for F1 and fic writing in general so I'll always love and adore it for that. Maybe if I just lock myself in a cabin in the woods with no distractions I might be able to pick it up again, I want to finish it because I put so much effort into being able to make it an original work with all the worldbuilding and planning, but my inspiration for it has just sadly ran very dry :(

What are your writing strengths?

Setting descriptions I think. When I'm picturing things in my head it's always quite vivid so I like to write that down for the reader's benefit. I'm also very detail orientated so it just goes hand in hand I feel.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I wouldn't call it a weakness but I definitely feel the least confident in writing dialogue. I constantly have the fear of someone going "they would not fucking say that" in the back of my mind and it's definitely to my detriment. And also because I'm autistic I struggle writing humour and banter because I find it difficult to understand IRL.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think if you're gonna do it you have to do it a) for a proper meaning and b) execute it properly. I can definitely see the appeal for a realism point of view, but as I can only speak English I'll only ever do single words or very short phrases that I am fairly certain will be accurate if I put them into a translator, anything longer or a full conversation and I'll just say what language the characters are speaking in.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

F1! the og LITFL was my gateway into fic writing (hence why I wanted to re-write it in the first place, it has a lot of places for improvement)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I've mentioned this before but I definitely want to write some Jenson/Lewis. idk what but it's just niggling there in the back of my mind, I feel like there's a lot of potential.

Also every few months I get the idea to write a Tennis AU but I very quickly talk myself out of it because I just do not have the headspace for it right now.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Also going to do a list bc it's my house

The Rules of Strategy - they say you should write what you want to read and writing Merc Engineer Seb just brings me a stupid amount of joy (writing Lewis winning is also v v nice)

Discretion Is The Better Part of Valour - I had the most fun planning this with Synth, but I also loved playing around with the screenplay format too! And also just merging my interests was so fun

Life In The Fast Lane (original work version) - as mentioned above, my baby!!! I just love my little gaggle of OCs so so much and I really do think about this fic allllllllllllllll the time. It just refuses to translate to typing words into the word doc at the moment.

Sister - Hands down my favourite Star Trek fic I've written, just for getting to write my own interpretation of Kelvinverse!Michael and Spock's relationship.

tagging (as usual, absolutely zero pressure!): @hungriestheidi, @seafoampearlygirl, @kaossbells, @brawngp2009 and @avida-heidia-5

[maple-rose]

I went to see Gundam SEED Freedom tonight.

I don't ever talk about it here, but before I fell into the Fire Emblem hole, Gundam SEED was my obsession throughout highschool and university (if you ever find my deviantART or livejournal account, uh.... the proof is all there, embarrassingly...).

Anyway I've been waiting for this movie for like 15 years. It's kinda surreal that it even exists, amidst rumors of it being cancelled and all.

I wore my Murrue cosplay jacket I made 15 years ago (it still kinda fits, lol), brought a Haro plush and a Lacus plush.

The movie itself, it was fun! Lots of fanservice (both in terms of people and mechs). The pacing felt too fast in the 1st half, and most of the new characters aren't very well developed but that's kinda expected given the run time. Other than that, as a long time fan, it was a good movie!

Also it looks really nice! SEED/Destiny always had inconsistency in art and animation so it's good to see more good animation.

Some specific thoughts under the cut (spoiler warning):

Mu x Murrue scenes! screams Have I mentioned they were my OTP throughout highschool and university? Mu cut his hair and it looks way better! The new ORB uniforms look good, though kinda wish to see Mu in casual outfits more

RIP Archangel T__T You went through and survived so much…

Mu said his line lol (actually 2 of them, Shinn called him an Ossan and he said he's not an Ossan (callback to same exchange with Dearka))

Kira's pinboard has some nostalgic photos on it! Including the shot of the Archangel crew from the 3rd Destiny ending <3

Lacus got so many new outfits! I'm not sure if I like her role in this but she is more interesting than in Destiny

I got new respect for Athrun now. I was hoping someone would slap Kira out of his slump and he delivered!

I actually like Shinn more now too, when he's not being an angsty teen and instead a simpleton kid/the comic relief

Kira.. I think this Kira is an improvement from Destiny at least; he was really boring in Destiny… so it's good to see some emotion and see him crack. But also be more honest with his feelings

New girl Agnes is Flay 2.0? but if Flay could actually pilot a mech?

I was expecting more new mechs (to sell kits), so I'm really surprised they brought back so many existing ones (even the Buster and Duel… but not Aegis)

Though when Freedom deployed and they played Meteor, it was very nostalgic! (Meteor is basically Freedom's theme song, it first played when Freedom was first shown SEED)

New songs by TMR, Nami Tamaki, and See-Saw (who broke up pretty much after Destiny ended, came back for another song)! Also some nostalgic BGM came back

The new antagonists aren't really redeemable or sympathetic, which is a shame 'cause that's one of the things I liked about SEED; but with the runtime I get it, they're supposed to be the "bad guys" so the main crew can come together

It's kinda funny how that guy keeps calling Kira a failure, 'cause Kira is literally the Ultimate Coordinator

Lacus's pilot suit is really funny. This is actually the first time she's been sexualized like that; usually she's the pure one

The final scene is.. what I expected from a SEED climax, but a lot more hammy lol. Power of love!

They did end up confirming AsuCaga, but funny thing is Athrun and Cagalli never actually talked to each other or were in the same room even.. Meyrin is the one with Athrun (not sure if I like her new hair...)

Who is that kid with Cagalli?? He called her "Nee-san". He looks like Mu... it can't be Mu's kid, he looks too old for that. Another clone of Mu's dad? Some new guy who happens to look alike?

I saw a lot more cameos than I thought I would. The whole Archangel crew, Miriallia and Sai, Erika (ORB's head of tech, the one who gave them all Gundams), Arthur (Minerva's 2nd in command guy), Andrew Waltfeld (why didn't he have a bigger role?! He was just shown in 1 passing shot). Even some dead people were shown in flashbacks. Actually I think the flashback at the end showed all the major characters who died.

[nonsenuser]

the piano teacher (2001)

this movie has been on my list for a while, 1. because i too am a piano teacher so duh and 2. 'perversion at its wicked best' is too interesting of a hook to ignore. i did keep removing and re-adding this from my letterboxd watchlist because i was worried it would be either way too freaky for me or just too uncomfortable (recently i've realized my threshold for things in movies has gotten pretty high and i tend to overestimate how disturbing something might be, not that this wasn't disturbing).

from the way people were talking about this movie i was expecting something like 'yeah its called the piano teacher but theres barely any piano in it' or 'classical music culture is used as a metaphor and you could replace it with anything' and while the first is just not true and the 2nd *might* be true it is a really smart choice to have erika be in this profession and for most of the characters to be classical musicians because of the kind of personalities and attitudes that are portrayed are somewhat normalized and encouraged within the field.

i can only speak from direct experience, I took piano classes for several years (4-16 years old), had a pretty strict russian teacher and have met people who took it extremely seriously, to the point where they experienced great metal distress from piano. i never took piano as seriously so it never was like that for me (for a while), i was good enough to basically never practice, my parents never forced me to do it and i started pretty young so i was able to finish all my levels before high school ended. i think being around that positive environment and always knowing i would never take piano that seriously is what made me love it for a very long time.

I think after i finished all my levels and did more music in high school strings and started learning stuff on my own, I was really challenged and while I did understand that yes I had talent, it was a punch to the gut to get unfiltered criticism about my skills. I questioned for a while if i would ever pursue music seriously (like as a teacher AND performer) but it became evident to me that i just didnt want to become the stereotypical pianist (like erika).

back to the movie.... erikas character is obviously taken to an extreme because of her suffocating relationship with her mother and her intense sexual desires, but having the classical music setting as a background is kind of perfect to bring all of this attributes into focus (and even enhance them)

it has been explained in great detail why the abuse, sexuality and psychological effects of it intertwine so well but i think its worth mentioning how the music that is discussed plays a huge role in all of it. erikas expertise is schubert and he is a romantic composer, meaning his pieces are very expressive and full of dynamics, ornaments and accents. its kind of ironic that erika says his music is not just 'loud and soft' but moves between 'a scream and a whisper' because we rarely if ever see erika display this range of emotions for most of the movie. and with my minimal time around professional classical musicians... ironically this is the type of personality that is encouraged. the seeming husk of a person able to perform beautifully with huge range of emotion.

completely unrelated, but the scene where the hockey boys come onto the ice and essentially force the figure skaters to leave? yeah you could say thats how erika and walters relationship ended up playing out.

theres so much more to talk about but i have to think about it more and then i'll add to this post here but wowow. new fave movie for sure.

[stellamancer]

OOO I wanna play for the fandom ask game!!

N, I, K, U ☺️🥰💕💌

LMAOOO ERIKA....

N - Name 3 things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom or fandom of choice.

Slow burn long fic. And when I say long fic i mean more than 50k. I kind of feel like I might have to be the change I want to see in the world but man... People who write long fic like really long fic are truly admirable. I mean, if I scour ao3 I think I'll probably find some... that also requires scouring ao3.

I'm actually not sure what else? I think I'm pretty satisfied otherwise LMAO. Fanmerch maybe... But then again, maybe that's a good thing for my wallet. I buy a lot of official merch anyway.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so which and why?

Lin asked me the other day when I mentioned it, but in a sense I kind of got away from Mystic Messenger in part thanks to tumblr. To repeat my previous answer then, I felt pretty discouraged when I got rejected from zines and I thought I was at least a fairly decent writer. I didn't say it then, but in some ways I kind of felt like an outsider? Truthfully, at the time I mostly wrote and never really read and I think my hermit status then contributed to that.

I also don't like Stranger Things and have it filtered. After seeing 5000 of the same gif of that one guy's face. I'd had enough LMAO. I recently filtered something else but I shan't say. >_>;

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Katsuki Bakugou. I was distraught when it seemed like Hori was gonna kill him off because like... To bring that character so far just to kill him? Terrible absolutely terrible. (On the other side of that to also basically immediately resuscitate him? What was the point of killing him right there in the first place?) There have been recent manga developments that have caused me to feel the same way so I haven't actually read the manga since then OOPS.

U - Three favorite characters from three favorite fandoms and why.

I'm assuming this means one each, right?

Drakenier series - YorHa No. 9 Type S (9S)

Nines is really precious. Really sweet. How energetic he is! Enthusiastic he is! He's a good foil to 2B who is so stoic. I can't talk about him too much without getting into spoiler territory and someone who follows me is playing so I don't want to do that, but what I will say is 9S is a little unwell and I like that.

IDOLiSH7 - Nikaido Yamato

It's his glasses. I like a man in glasses okay!! Okay, so like Yamato is the type who would tease me and I'm a freak because I'm into that!! It's so funny because I'm a Yamato oshi, but like I think that objectively Mitsuki and Gaku and Ryuu are better men LMAO. More worthy of fawning over, but I still like Yamato because of that mean streak. Okay, next.

Jujutsu Kaisen - Satoru Gojo

There has never been a character that I've known was going to fuck me over the way I knew Gojo was going to get me. I've said this before, but it was a very conscious choice to not get into JJK for as long as I did because I knew. And even if he was the worst character ever I'd find some reason to like him. Actually you know what? Why is he even on this list? I hate him. He's so hard to write because it feels like there's too many things going on in his head and it's all layered and it feels like he's the master of being two things at the same goddamn time. Concerned but amused? Cool but a pathetic loser? I hate him so goddamn much.

[papirouge]

akari takeuchi is so beautiful, like she has this round face and sometimes has the appearance of being a lil chubby yet she's really popular among her groupmates. I love how she looks with very short hair too.

japanese people in general seem to be pretty fixated on thinness. in remember when morning mmusume got popular and people talked about kago ai and tsuji nozomi and they refered to tsuji as "the chubby one", even though she was only slightly bigger than kago.

i dont know if you ever keep up with momusu or if you ever cared about it, but once they had this member who was actually overweight (susuki kanon), and she was constantly mocked by fans, the public, and apparently teased by management and team members. obviously she did not pass the audition when she was overweight; she mentioned later that she went through an extreme diet to appear skinny at the audtions, but that she'd been chubby all her life.

but i think koreans are even more extreme with their beauty standards. like, you can see korean idols tend to be skinnier than jpop ones, i think the girls even lose their periods or have very irregular ones. i remember when kpop started gettinf global recognition, sometimes kpoppers would post on certain j-artists youtube videos just to compare them to korean ones, and I remember checking the comments in this perfume video and kpoppers were literally saying they had fat legs. like the girls from perfume (and not, it was not when achan was a lil chubby in their early years)

Anon I do "care" about those things bc I've been a jpop head for a longer time that I will ever admit 😭

Akari has always been a favorite of my mine 🩵 And yeah her face is sooo cute!! She definitely stood out because she was chubbier but imo that's a good thing bc idol are sooo interchangeable. Unless your very pretty or very talented (dance, singing) being a bit different can be an asset if well played.

Imo I think thame difference with Kanon is that Akari seemed confident and it gave her the charisma and appeal that fan like. Kanon was maybe too young and insecure and fans caught it and it made them uninterested and disrespectful for her performance...

And yeah, Japan is obsessed with skinniness, water is wet lol

I've always be intrigued by the fetishistic way of considering beauty. For example they will hyperfixate on features that a supposed "attractive" such as a small face, high nose brige, big eyes, etc and literally dismiss every thing else to the point it's getting ridiculous at times. Someone would be pretty but because they have a very small face they'll be elevated as an absolute staple of beauty.

I lurk a lot on girlchannel and every 2-3 days there are threads dedicated to rave on beautiful people... I remember one thread dedicated to rave on Erika Toda arms skinniness when she played Misa Amane in the Death Note movie 😭

This fetishization of beauty that's also why they will get plastic surgery to get features they consider objectively pretty without considering the harmony with the rest of the face, such as a high nose brige but since the rest of their face will remain unchanged the balance of their full face is so weird. East Asian tend to have a large face so I think them ps'ing their nose to be as small as possible makes them look so weird and uncanny 🥴

Kpoppers are mentally ill so I'm not surprised they don't have any idea what a normal human being looks like.

Perfume gals have perfect legs - they literally made the whole 'VOICE' single cover out of it 💀

It's not really that Achan is "chubby" it's that she has wide hips which is considered unattractive in Japan. That's why in their outfits coding, she's the one to wear clothing who are ample/lose in that area, while Nocchi is the 'boyish' one (short hair + pants/shorts) and Kashiyuka is the one wearing the shorter & more skimpy outfit version. Here's another example for their JPN album visuals

Arguing that these women would be in any way fat is insane. That's how I know kpop fans have brainrot.

Whenever I stumble on kpop MV gif my eyes itch at the amount of filters used... Kpop idols are routinely abused and mistreated but these idiots will keep stanning. I've always found ironic how people have no problem acknowledging that what we consume has political consequences and won't shut up about H&M and Shein mistreatment of their employees + their business model damaging effects on their environment but will keep lining the pockets of Kpop artists agencies doing the same 💀

Both Japan and Korean are fucked up with their Beauty standards but Japan still has the kawaii card that allows someone to still be considered appealing despite not being conventionally attractive. I think Ai Kago and Tsuji Nozomi totally belong in that category. That being said, kawaiiness can also be artificial considering that Nozomi did plastic surgery on her eyes to make them look twice bigger + obsessive use of light color lenses (look at the pics of her marriage before she got the procedure💀). Kyary is also infamous for revamping her face (namidabukuro + eyelid lift)

And let's no forget Tsubasa Masuwaka who's jumped on the kawaii bandwagon after the end of the heisei/gyaru era and has been doctoring like mad her pics ever since...

[twistednuns]

September 2022

Lord, I confess I want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe. Like everyone else, I want a storm I can dance in. I want an excuse to change my life. - Franny Choi

Tamales con quesillo y salsa roja / in San Cris: con rajas poblanas. Yum! They remind me of semolina dumplings.

Feline encounters: the cutest cat at Iguana: red, white and brown with green eyes; very friendly and gentle. / The grey cat who followed me home, talking to/meowing at me, stopping me to demand scratches. / My black cat friend at Estrella Fugaz.

First impressions are scarily accurate. Somehow you can just feel who belongs in your tribe.

Attending the self love workshop at Hridaya Yoga (and the fact that a handbook I randomly picked up in a hostel led me there). So much input, realising how much work there is to be done. The ho'oponopono prayer, meditation and partner exercises. Journalling about my insights. New ways of thinking and connecting. Staring into 14 strangers eyes for what felt like forever, holding hands. Intense. Feeling the love, the group finally connecting on the third day. Especially because it was Sasha's birthday and we danced to 70s disco music.

Meeting with Carina, Sasha and Fico (what an amazingly sympathetic power couple, I admire them so much) the next day. Feeling at ease. Talking about language, culture, the state of the world, very personal insights and thoughts about healing.

Playa Mermejita. Alone, black sand, crabs, storm damage. Reading. Getting a tan on my belly for the first time in my life (have I mentioned that I've finally started wearing bikinis?). Writing in the sand.

Men with space buns. Men who like cats. Men who go to self love workshops. Men who've overcome toxic masculinity. I love people who're not stuck in stereotypes and typecasting that comes with their gender. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to women with short hair and masculine traits and vice versa.

Daring to go to the Kirtan. Om Shanti.

Spanish progress. Connecting with Eva, my maestra from Madrid. The first time I understood the difference between the imperfecto, presente perfecto and pretérito (but realising I will actually have to study this time). Having real conversations in Spanish. Compliments on that, and my accent. Feels good because I've been frustrated by my lack of ability to express myself.

Coconut milk tapioca pudding with passion fruit compote. Vegan hot dogs.

The sense that you can get it “right” is in some ways illusory; there’s no door behind which the right version of your life is waiting. There will be pain and joy in all possible futures [...] The question may not be how to get the right answer to this question, but how to find the space to celebrate the fact that each of your options contains a life you’d be proud to live. Eleanor Gordon-Smith

Tabi playing the guitar. Singing together. I loved her song about the seasonal colours. And the Canción de Miedo.

Cañón de Sumidero boat ride. Rescuing passengers from a sinking ship. Michelada con mango from the tienda flotante in the sun. Pelicans. Crocodiles. Spider monkeys. Riding through waterfalls.

The friendly guy from Guadalajara. Erika, the pretty graphic designer from Playa. The whacky Australians.

Taking the colectivo to Chamula with Ricardo. Getting to know him. Libra musician. Italian cuisine. Dog lover. Conversing in Spanish!! Buying tiny candles to express gratitude and to make a wish. Taking in the very peculiar atmosphere of the church. The burping, the animal sacrifice, the sea of candles and pine needles all over the floor. Visiting the graveyard. Getting elote straight out of a car trunk.

Stumbling upon the most beautiful earrings ever. Brass crescent moons with long, thin feathers. The artist made them especially for me!

The Bad People vintage store in San Cris.

More waterfalls. A rainbow, for a short moment. The view over the valley. The Palenque ruins - super beautiful and impressive even though I didn't feel the magic there.

A blissful evening shopping at a super Chedraui after a stressful day. The sesame bread with queso and jalapenos. / Each and every time I'm at a place with a kitchen. I love preparing my own food and going shopping for groceries. It's what I often miss on the road.

A quiet apartment with a very comfortable bed and a TV with Netflix. Non-blinding lights. The height of luxury when you don't feel great.

No Limit - a movie about freediving based on Audrey Mestre's life. Triggered a little internet deep dive.

"Winds in the east / mist coming in / Like somethin’ is brewin’ and bout to begin." // A song from Mary Poppins that accurately describes the feeling of fresh inspiration, motivation, anticipation and hope for change.

Arriving in Merida. A friendly taxista, the amazingly decorated house with high ceilings and art from all over the world. The hostess' granddaughter Victoria (4) built a castillo with me and sang for me, so cute.

A late night vegan pita sandwich with grilled veggies.

LED balloons. Sparkly. Fun!

Remote Scrabble.

Cracking my crunchy spine - feels so satisfyingly straightening.

Visiting Wendy's juice bar. Talking to her about giving up fear. Just doing it. The illusion of safety.

Ivan, an illustrator who invited me to his boardgame night. Pizza. Friends. New words. A cat. Lovely.

An intuitive infatuation with the chef/owner (?) at Plants of Wonder in Merida. The wink. The voice. The presence. Yas.

Found a tiny baby kitten. So light. Can't have weighed more than 200g. And the high pitched meowsies!!!

Baby pink clouds at sunset.

The crystal clear water of the Bacalar lagoon. My own private fish fan club. Diving down, watching the water surface from below.

Giving advice I'd actually follow myself. Happy with my teachings. Now I only need to practice what I preach.

Forgetting my phone at home (weird addiction going on at the moment and I don't like it so it was a welcome change)

Manu sharing his Netflix account with me.

Posting on Instagram for the first time in years, connecting with people because of it.

The clear starry sky in Bacalar.

Excellent vegan tacos/hot dog.

The unexpected and phenomenal dance scene in Umbrella Academy ep. 3x01. Footloose. What.

A quick sailing trip in the lagoon. Bonding with the captain. Sitting up front with a beer in my hand like a figurehead. Fresh pineapple. Stories about pirates.

Not falling for the scam / fake priest from Chicago like the British dudes.

Talking to neuroscientist Hanna in the hostel kitchen. About multipotentialism. Psychotherapy. Security.

Arriving in Belize. After going crazy over all the misinformation and seemingly impossible way ahead of me. Enjoying the view from the boat. Friendly people. Caribbean vibes.

Petting stingrays. Surprisingly soft and squishy.

A hammock in the water.

Pelicans. Flying towards me. Coming close. Making eye contact. Oddly majestic birds.

A clear view of Jupiter over the Carribbean sea.

TALK - Run Away to Mars

Snorkelling in the Hol Chan marine reserve. I saw so many animals - manatees, a lobster, sharks, dolphins, tarpons, eagle rays and stingrays. Elaborate coral formations, a shipwreck. Lunch and rum punch on the boat and the friendly crew. We all got a drink at Sip'n'Dip afterwards. I watched the sunset with Sam and then we ran into the Germans again at dinner.

A travel buddy to go to Guatemala with (Sam). Deep talk. Helping him break out of his hostel in the morning.

Eating purple candy fully expecting to bite into disgusting grape flavor but it's nice blackcurrant instead.

Travelling with Moana and Yuki.

Following around the coatis at the Tikal ruins. Bonding with Steve.

Swimming, sunset and socialising on Isla de Flores.

The amazing restaurant at Los Amigos.

9hrs on the bus. Stopping at McDonald's. Getting a cheeseburger without meat. Worth it. Just for the pickle.

The Semuc Champey grutas. Walking in with just a candle in your hand which created such a fantastic atmosphere. Swimming, climbing, jumping and sliding. / The river pools and the waterfall. Diving under a rock formation, fighting claustrophobia. Riding on the pickup truck standing up. The great view of the mountains and valleys.

The view from Zephyr Lodge. Enjoying the pool and hot tub.

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 01/15/2023

I cried in the TrueFood Kitchen at UTC today. 

Well, before that, I got up and decided to get Public Square with a drink today. I was very excited for that because I just haven’t been having it as much. Makes it something I look forward to. I also tried to take Sadie out this morning but it was a brief walk since it’s been raining pretty consistently. Anyway, After that I got ready to meet up with Karina. I realized that I had not been back to UTC/La Jolla since before you died, so it was very triggering for me. A lot more triggering than I thought it would be. We tried to meet at a coffee shop, but she had actually work tonight so she was hungry, so we were going to go to great Maple. Well, apparently that place closed, so we went to true food for lunch.

I have always really liked Karina. I have a lot of respect and admiration for her, and the heart that she has for what she does and the people around her. She really helped you through your residency, took you under her wing as much as she could. She has protected you in ways. It was a little hard for me to talk to her about the things that you and I have struggled with, because she just did not know. I think that it was really good to have those conversations with her today, I kind of needed that. I think I have been really struggling with all of the Good and the bad that you and I endured. Sometimes when I think about it, even at a more surface level, it honestly just hurts. It’s hard to explain that pain. Anyway, by the end of it we were talking and I was mentioning how I just naturally feel guilty, I think part of me will always feel like I could’ve done more and that stems from my abandonment issues, but I know that I couldn’t.

I physically, mentally, and emotionally did everything that I could. You were the only one that could save you. I was talking about how in the note you left you told me that you loved me and that you were sorry, and that I was the best thing that ever happened to you in your life. That’s when I started crying. I believe that, and I know that I’m the last person you want to feel guilty. It’s just really hard to process at all.

After we ate and chatted, I drove home and took a quick cat nap/watched some TV. i’ve been trying to be better about sitting with myself, whether that’s even just at home. After a little while, Erika and I figured out where we wanted to go in this rain and went to the Liberty public market that was indoors at Liberty Station. It was really great to see her as always, and I ended up getting some yummy macaroons and pizza! Looks like I will be starting my meal prep tomorrow lol for lunch.

After we hung out, I came back home and watched a little bit more TV. I finally took down most of my Christmas decorations, but I need to go to storage to get the boxes to put them in. I even ordered an ornament box to store things more proper than I have prior. Allegedly.

I think part of the reason I was having a hard time taking all the Christmas stuff down was because it really signified going into a new year without you, and I just really thought I’d have you.

I definitely had some tears today. But I had a lot of smiles and joy too.

I’m allowed to be grateful, but also in absolute grief. I’m allowed to hone in on the good and hunting all the bad. I’m allowed to do whatever I need to do to get better, find peace, and except what happened. I don’t even know if I’ve quite accepted it yet.

Love you and miss you so much, James.

I need to get going to bed, I have two go into the office pretty early tomorrow and I have to onboard someone. I have quite a busy week before I head to Lexington again on Saturday.

Tomorrow is six months. I can’t believe that.

Rest In Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[wastingoxygensince1983]

My thoughts on C3E27

I was really thinking to write this before but I got a panic attack for a personal thing and I decide to postpone it.

Again, this is very dumb and not all the things I would love to post, and I’m sorry for the people that waste time reading this stupid stuff.

Having Ashley as a regular is such an improvement. I hope she gets to do a lot of Ads as mending the time she wasn’t there.

I mentioned before but I couldn’t look at nothing more than Laura and her arm during her merch segment. Although that shirt looked beautiful, and I think that would be the first merch I would buy If I have the ways to get one.

Fearne’s postcards had to be fake. I’m so sad for her and I’m more curious about Morrigan now than ever. I wonder if she wasn’t really Fearne’s nana but a high figure in the feywild and they left Fearne with her for protection. Also, how is all of this connected with Morr from the crown keepers?

The way every single one of the members of hell bells do everything they can to protect Fearne there. It shows how much this group has growth together in the time they have.

I want to believe that Dusk is reaching for a connection with the party and they have real interest for Laudna or Orym and is not a plot to mess with them.

I guess that during Laudna and Imogen conversation, Erika rolled a perception check and sent a text to Matt? I guess it was a perception check. That was sneaky.

My opinions about Imogen and Laudna’s conversation are in here.

I know they were always good, but is so interesting to see Ashton so supportive and interest on their friends. I wonder if it has to be with what happened to them during the fight meeting Dusk or has been in Bassuras.

F.C.G really need help. I hope they get someone that can give them answers. How they continue messing names was scary.

I don’t have that much to say about Orym more than I love him and I feel for him.

GIVE MISTER A GUN.

I wonder why Fearne doesn’t transform into a direwolf. I mean, I kinda understand the mechanics part, but I would love to hear a reason in the plot why she doesn’t reach that. I’m pretty sure the gang is gonna die from excitement when she does.

Holy crap what on earth is happening. I don’t remember any other plot connected in the way all of this is going.

So, I believe the black ring is pointing to the gem and not Fearne? So, I was kinda right and is something she is holding more than herself.

I’m not that interest in the race but it looks is gonna be fun.

[barbie-movie-confessions]

i personally love the memeification of barbie movies. it keeps them somewhat relevant in pop culture when they wouldn't be otherwise, and even though they're special to me im very well aware there's a lot to make fun of in them

Or maybe they’re still relevant because many of them are actually very good movies.

I’m pretty sure the reason that anon doesn’t like the memeification of Barbie movies is because the internet as a whole has this sort of imbalance between the “ironic” fans who make fun and fans that no-joke love Barbie movies as they are. The Shrek franchise is a good comparison. Shrek 1 & 2 are actually really good films, but the franchise as a whole has been memeified so badly that sometimes it’s hard to find people talking about it in a serious manner.

A lot of Barbie’s films are genuinely good. There are things we can criticize or make fun of, of course, as with all media. But I also understand Anon’s frustration with wanting to see them treated with more respect. I think it’s that imbalance I mentioned. People who like Barbie movies the way want to interact with people who feel that same way. 

But unlike Disney, DreamWorks, or even lesser-liked animation studios like Illumination, Barbie’s films are not taken seriously by people who aren’t already fans. Yes, Barbie movies are 70min toy commercials, but so are a lot of Disney movies. Barbie movies sometimes have ridiculous or confusing plots, so does Blue Sky or Illumination. At the same time, though, it’s clear that tons of Barbie movies are crafted with the same care that one would give to any other animation studio. Many have beautifully developed romances, animation that holds up surprisingly well, unique worlds, humor appropriate for kids that also makes adults laugh, etc.

And another part of it is how others react to non-sarcastic fans. Ever heard of the term “Disney Adult”? While some people use it to describe themselves, a lot of others use it as a way to make fun of adults who still like Disney. Barbie fans may not have their own term like that, but just liking anything related to Barbie, not even just the movies, as an adult often gets you judged. I’ve had film bros breathe down my neck before about how I need to watch some “real” movies. It’s embarrassing and mean.

Sorry for this long reply. I just really don’t agree with the idea that without the “meme culture” Barbie movies would be considered irrelevant. And honestly, even if they are irrelevant in the grand scheme of animation, or movies as a whole, does that really matter? Plenty of “relevant” movies these days have boring plots, utilize the same actors over and over, or simply recycle stuff from the past. Relevancy doesn’t automatically mean better.

I do appreciate your point of view. Like I said before, there are in fact things you can criticize or make fun of with Barbie movies, even if they take up half your lifeforce like me. I just happen to agree with that other Anon about their overall perception.

- Erika

[crystalelemental]

Pokemon Masters - Character Teams

With the upcoming update in December, you’ll be able to use multiple alts of the same character in a team.  This is...fine.  Honestly.  I have minimal opinions about it.  I never really cared that you couldn’t combine your options, but apparently some consider it a big deal.  The only question on my mind is, for characters with 3+ alts...can any of them make an actually good team?

New Dynamics Let’s start with a general change.  Some units who previously suffered from lack of their own support have access to their support now.  The big winners here are Volkner and Skyla, who previously couldn’t get their damage dealing seasonal alts to access the field multiplier they provided in their other forms.  This was...less than ideal.  So now that they have access, is it good?

Well, sorta.  NY!Volkner having access to Volkner means that it’s finally able to have permanent access.  Unfortunately, both of them are not self-sufficient at all when it comes to buffing, resulting in the need for a third supporter who desperately, desperately needs to bring their A-game.  Mixed offense buffers are rare and usually slow, so you’re kinda working with Falkner.  You could, however, go with special attack boosting support instead, and let NY!Volkner handle the speed/crit buffing.  This is a bit more sane, but still runs into my main issue with the guy: his sync isn’t very good.  So I feel you’d want an EX Support capable of handling special attack, like Sabrina or someone.  SS Kris bears special mention, thanks to Rain making Thunder perfect accuracy, and effectively removing all his buffing needs.

Skyla...has her own issues as well. She’s in an identical situation to Volkner, where the Flying Zone helps, but you really want a support to be ready to go.  However, unlike Volkner, both Tornadus and Togekiss are specially offensive, meaning any special attack buffer gets the job done.  So Skyla’s in a great position, really just needing that special attack, but can ideally gel with any special attack/crit buffer.  Thanks to Tornadus, she doesn’t even encounter gauge issues, so this is a pretty significant win for Togekiss.

To my recollection, no one else has been hit with the issue of not having access to their field multiplier.  Everyone else is in a good spot.  So with that, let’s talk the big question.

Perfect Teambuilding Let’s start by listing out characters with three or more alts: Misty, Erika, Kris, Rosa, Skyla, Iris, Blue, Lyra, Hilbert, Hilda, Elesa, Grimsley, Giovanni, Cynthia, Steven, Red, Dawn, Serena, Morty, Lillie, Gloria, N, May, Leon, Marnie, and Raihan.  I’ll take a look at each, what options they have, and whether a good team of three can be produced.

Misty No.  Starmie and Psyduck are decent supports, but they do nothing to salvage Vaporeon’s lack of offensive buffing.  Misty has to work with others.

Erika I’d say it’s possible, but not necessarily good.  NY!Erika can tank and heal, although not particularly well.  SS Erika is self-sufficient, setting her own sun and being able to buff reliably, while BP Erika can supply supplemental damage in trap.  She probably works out, though if NY!Erika ever gets a grid expansion, this will be a lot more solid.

Kris I’m going to say yes, but it’s not pretty.  SS Kris hard carries.  Base Kris has the option to sync a stage under Rain for like...a billion damage once set up, but her setup is notably slow.  Jolteon benefits tremendously from SS Kris’ buffing, and has electric terrain built-in to handle stages.  I feel like Kris does a good job covering Water and Electric, although how well she does it remains to be seen.  Because we know I’m testing this.

Rosa Honestly, it’s not pretty, but you can probably make it work.  SC Rosa is just that good.  I’d say the play is to go Serperior, Shaymin, and non-Hail Delibird.  Gauges shouldn’t be an issue, Serperior can top off Shaymin, and provided a stage is special, Shaymin should be able to handle it well enough.  But Serperior is 100% the weak link.  Rosa needs a grid expansion and by god I hope she gets it.  Then again, given Glacia...it won’t be pretty.

Skyla As alluded to above, Tornadus/Togekiss is a solid combo.  Swanna, however, does not help.  It can’t facilitate the needed offensive buffs of its partners, so this is a situation where the team doesn’t want to be all Skyla.

Iris Not a chance.  No tanks, poor synergy, bad all around.

Blue Blue’s in a good spot, but solely due to Aerodactyl.  SS Blue’s tanking abilities are all well and good, but Aerodactyl is the only one whose offensive buffing is reasonable.  Pidgeot needs accuracy that only it can provide, Arcanine is slow, and Exeggutor has trouble because none of Blue’s team skews physical (No Aerodactyl does not, hush).  I’d say it’s possible, but realistically only for Rock damage.  Maybe Fire.  Maybe.  It’s just a big question of who the third is, and it’s probably Pidgeot for Air Slash.

Lyra Look, this is kind of unfair, because Celebi’s here to flinch lock every stage to death.  Like, just try losing with that.  Her base form being able to buff all offensive stats means you really don’t want for anything at all.  And now Vaporeon is coming in with debuffs to facilitate Power Play sync on SS Lyra?  I feel like Lyra’s like...grand champion of this.  Could probably make a good case for Summer Lyra doing alright with these comps too, just given how hard they disrupt.

Hilbert Hilbert’s...not in a bad position, actually.  Samurott is just such a good support.  H!Hilbert gets Dark under control, while SS Hilbert covers five types for super-effective damage.  I feel like Hilbert’s in a fantastic position as well, having rapid boosting, speed control, and good damage against six types.

Hilda Summer Hilda and SS Hilda alone are enough to win, but honestly the fact that the other two have speed buffs as part of their kit to help ease gauge control?  Emboar in particular kicks off theme skills for Victini, so this is a pretty strong one.  And Victini’s strong enough to handle off-type, so Hilda’s another reasonable grand champion.

Elesa With the inclusion of Lodge Elesa, there is at least some mild possibility of success via Emolga’s sync nuke.  SS Elesa’s fast-ramping could be the difference between success and failure.  The main trouble is that Lodge Elesa is frail, and Emolga is slow to work, so while the potential is there, I expect practical application will not be kind.

Grimsley No support, dead in the water.  Though he could legitimately maybe handle Steel-weak stages with enough luck on evasion, using Liepard as the support.

Giovanni While Mewtwo is strong and Persian is a good buff bot, Persian is super RNG reliant to cap Mewtwo out, and there is nowhere near the gauge control needed to make Nidoking work.  And much like Lodge Elesa, Classic Giovanni is frail.  Meaning you’re unlikely to survive to sync in the first place.  But if he does, Psychic and Ground-weak stages are handled.

Cynthia Astonishingly...Cynthia’s not in the best position.  She can’t reasonably cap any of her offensive units’ stats, she can’t get Sandstorm going for Garchomp; it’s a problem.  What may carry Cynthia is Ghost-type, where Renegade Cynthia can nuke like crazy with defensive support from Aura Cynthia.  I feel like she can probably handle Ground, Dragon, and Ghost, just based on the defensive power of Lucario, but it’s not exactly clean.

Steven I go back and forth on this one.  On the one hand, Deoxys-Defense does serve as a support, and can get his allies going.  But only Anni Steven can cap crit rate reliably.  So I guess he’s got Flying and maybe Dragon?  Ice and Steel are highly unlikely without some very specific shenanigans.  Metagross is probably the better third, just because of the high flinch rate.

Red Hate this guy.  Hate him so much.  SST Red already solos the game, this is a moot point, but sure let’s slap Supereffective Up Next applications repeatedly into the mix.  Why not?  God forbid the game doesn’t cater to Red.

Dawn Hilariously, this is the opposite problem of most: her team’s too passive.  Torterra can probably clear Grass-weak stages, with Alcremie debuffing attack and Cresselia buffing crit.  But Torterra’s also the one taking hits so Power Siphon can buff its attack stat.  It’s slow going and none too pretty, but honestly they can probably make it work, entirely based on Cresselia not taking direct hits and being able to heal up Torterra on sync as needed.

Serena No tank, unlikely, but can probably handle Dragon stages just by using Hypnosis to set up Zygarde’s sync nuke clear.

Morty Morty has Ho-oh, I feel like he can’t possibly lose.  His offensive alts can handle their offensive needs, while Ho-oh keeps the team alive fantastically.  I don’t think he can reasonably fail against Ghost-weak stages, but off-type...I’m not as convinced, given his alts don’t get the best damage.

Lillie Actually, I feel like this one’s a hard no.  Ghost-type stages can go down to Anni Lillie, and Lodge Lillie might, MIGHT, be able to handle Fairy.  But beyond that?  I’m just not convinced.  Anni Lillie’s damage output is otherwise just sad, and Lodge Lillie isn’t exactly winning awards either, to say nothing of her slow setup no one else can help with.  Lillie’s not atrocious, but she’s not exactly great either.

Gloria No support, no chance.  Urshifu can clear some Gauntlet stages solo just based on how fast it operates, but beyond that it’s a mess.

N No support, no chance.  While he has Hypnosis, this is insufficient without Go Viral.  While Reshiram can debuff offenses, none of his team can heal.  They need something more than what they have.  And no, SS N does not help.

May How do you have five alts and no supports?  How has this happened twice?  In any case, the usual problems endure.  Worse, May’s alts are all tech, so they really can’t explode a CS stage either.

Leon All Strikers, none of them have a history of solo-ing content, it’s a bad team.

Marnie Palentine’s Marnie is glue.  The debuff potential means she has at least a shot against physical stages, thanks to Growl, and the fact that Morpeko and Grimmsnarl are physical.  Lodge Marnie is the third to whatever team exists, based on Mud Slap Ripple Effect to hopefully cheese a bit with Mawile.

Raihan Legitimately great synergy that just barely misses the mark.  The main problem is lack of capped crit on either Duraludon or Flygon.  Now, that said, you can try without the crit.  Steel in particular feels possible with the grid expansion.  The good news is he sets Sandstorm two different ways, and caps offenses with Gigalith, but in general I feel like his team is strong but not quite at the ideal.

Final Verdict There are a few units who can make a full team work.  I’d say Hilda, Lyra, and Red are the top three.  Victini’s actually that ridiculous, and Celebi’s lockdown makes almost any team invincible to begin with, while Red’s hard-carried by Pikachu.  Hilbert and Kris are really close too, though, with Hilbert having a lot of good super-effective matchups in his arsenal, and Kris having great synergy for either Feraligatr’s CS explosion sync, or Jolteon’s offensive potential.  Though admittedly, Kris feels a bit further behind because of gauge issues, while Hilbert’s held back by frailty.  I’ll be interesting to play around with the possibilities, and I, for one, hope we see Jasmine and Caitlin enter the three-alt club for these shenanigans.

[eveofwriting]

Howdy! I would love to request some Yandere pokemon content if possible. Erika and her gym always looked like a mini prison, as you need HM Cut for the tree blocking the way there. In the gym are four female trainers on the outside. With another area in the middle that you need to use Cut yet again to get it. What I'm trying to say is that her gym looks like it's designed to keep her darling/you there. I would like some Yandere Erika headcanons please and thank you. Fem darling if not too much.

[Honestly I’d be damned if I said you were wrong, 😆🤚 I can’t imagine getting out of that maze of a gym easily, in my original copy of yellow, with the graphics it was near impossible for me to find my way through that gym. Nearly a twitch plays pokemon team rocket base situation- oh wait I’m talking too much.]

Yandere Erika Headcanons

★ Well, after she’s determined she wants YOU as her lover, your fate is sealed and you should probably say goodbye to any hopes of seeing anyone except the gym trainers, and of course, Erika.

★ Erika will stop at nothing to make sure you can’t leave her, she loves you too much to let you go.

★ Despite her unhealthy obsession, she is pretty casual about the relationship.

★ Oh, did I mention she’s the type to put restraints on you?

★ She’ll make it comfortable for you, maybe some fuzzy handcuffs that really won’t make your wrists too sore but will do the job of keeping you in place.

★ All of your pokemon are safely kept in a storage closet that only the people who work at the gym can access, so good luck.

★ In short, you have no way of escaping.

★ She does often fall asleep, which I suppose might give you a bit of hope!

★ But then you have at least 9 other girls there ready to hold you down and get Erika if you ever somehow get out of your cuffs and the hedge maze type thing grown around you.

★ She must’ve been planning this for a while, seen how elaborate all of the things that prevented you from escaping are.

★ Did someone say punishments? No? Well I’m telling you anyway.

★ She is very gentle on punishments, considering she hates to see her darling Y/N get hurt in any way, shape, or form

★ Expect a gentle scolding and a slap on the wrist.

★ If you really don’t learn that you need to play her little charade of lovers to survive, the punishments might get a bit more brutal.

★ After three failed attempts at escaping, you’ll see that she’s infuriated, at you, and at herself for not making you comfortable enough that you want to constantly leave.

★ She does do sweet things for you, honestly.

★ She absolutely adores cuddling with you, even if you fight back, she’ll just have one of her pokemon sedate you so she can enjoy it.

★ She imagines you enjoy it just as much.

★ She makes sure you have everything, including food, water, and will let you use the gym changing room to take a bath. (Most of these rooms don’t actually exist but shhhhhh use your imagination >:[ )

★ She doesn’t want to hurt you herself, so she’ll have one of her pokemon do it for her.

★ Usually just stuff that is slightly painful, but if she needs to, she’ll have one of her partners use a more damaging move.

★ Maybe poison powder to make you nauseous and give you a headache, or she’ll paralyze you and repeatedly have one use vine whip as if it was an actual whip.

★ Unsurprisingly, the name suits it well, and you’re left with some nasty cuts.

★ “..I didn’t want to have to hurt you.. Just return my affections, that’s all I want..”

[captainsspnanon]

C3E24 reaction

Sorry for no reaction last week, these things happen.

I love the multiple instances of reactions of the Hells that are so clearly different than the Nein.  While the Nein as a party always felt heavily neutral that slowly shifted to good, a lot of the Hells already feel like they’re in good (though I’m genuinely wondering if Chetney might actually be in the evil spectrum, but we won’t see it against the party because they’re people he cares for?  Imma keep my eye on his NPC interactions!).

...whaaaat is going on with the dusstras being tortured and having it’s kids killed???? Is this just a case of environmental ‘humanoids don’t care about animals when taking resources for themselves’, a specific case of ‘bad guy using area where the creature is from for it’s own purposes’ or even more specific ‘bad guy actively hurting the creature for reasons’.  OR, is it just a random flavor moment that Matt chucked in that will never be dealt with again? XD

I feel a bit bad for Taliesin that no one followed up with Ashton after their impalement after he took care of Orym yesterday/last episode, but I also am a little annoyed because c’mon dude, the group was all talking over each other.  Pull a Liam, interrupt or take a moment when they’re silence and THEN say what Ashton is doing, you’re more likely to get party reactions or interactions from it.  It was hard for me as a viewer to hear what you chose, even though you said it twice.  And you’ve been playing with this group for ages, you know that they’ll talk over shit and miss stuff all the time!

While I’m appreciating all of Chetney’s gifts to the party, I 100% think that Robbie got the best one, just in terms of complexity and appearance. XD  Like, the hand is fun, the box was sweet, the dollhouse is hysterical, but that SHIP WAS SO PRETTY AND COMPLEX.  So now we’re just waiting on Fearne, Imogen, and maybe FCG unless the feet were considered the gift but I doubt it.

Minor shade to Taliesin, but I’m glad a few of the party (and cast OOC) mentioned that he needs to SHARE things.  There’s levels of in character secrecy or hesitancy that make sense, but omg I’ve been annoyed with Tal from time to time (especially in C1) where he would be like “I have a plan” or “I’m going to do a thing” and then not TELL anyone what is was until it was actually happening.  Or in the case of C3, “oh god is it Thing?” “what’s Thing?” “I’m not gonna tell you now”.  If you’re stating it out loud, expect people to follow up, and give some fucking answers, even if you don’t tell the full story!  If you don’t want to do that, but want to make a statement, pull the shit that Liam does and have Ashton make a comment to himself when no one else can hear.

I’m really enjoying the descriptions of Bassuras, even though I’ve never seen Mad Max itself, I’ve seen plenty of pictures and gifs from original and otherwise.  Looking forwards to the exploration of the city, especially because I do miss the travelling.

I fucking love Fearne so much, I cannot even.  (I also cannot even, apparently Ashley with dark hair is all I ever wanted OMG)  I adore how she’s being so creepy at night, looking at and touching people.  I’m also very glad that FCG was woken up by this and is able to confront her about NOT COOL.

FCG being VERY protective of their markings, what the fuck is up with that?  I WANT TO KNOW NOW.  (also their pissed at birds because one shits on their head all the time.  Did Matt know this?  Is this something Sam has been planning but never told Matt so now Matt just needs to decide how he wants to deal with this?  IS THE BIRD THE BBEG THE ENTIRE TIME???)

ERIKA ERIKA ERIKA!!!!  Okay, 1) I don’t actually think I’ve seen any of the one shots she’s in so I’m looking forwards to seeing her play, 2) I’m very interested to see how long she ends up staying as a guest, getting a vague idea of how guests will be going forwards, 3) ...I’m actually kinda slightly disappointed because I do love just the cast on their own, but I’m keeping my opinions open, and 4) I wonder if the temporary break was maybe to accommodate her schedule?

Oh hey, fun to see that I have an instinctive fear with the description of a glaive now. Thanks C2!

You know, as much fun as Sam’s gas cans are, I prefer the flask?  Because the flask (for the most part) wasn’t disruptive.  But the gas can is FREQUENTLY disruptive, and this one is BAD.

@suicidallyreckless

[ultraericthered]

The 17 best characters in Umineko, according to my opinion.

1. Lambdadelta - Super adorable, super hilarious, super whimsical, super scary when need be, SUPER PAPER! Lambda has got it all!

2. Bernkastel - I love me a great villain, and Bern is one of the best in this whole franchise. Extra cool points for being Evil Rika Furude.

3. Erika Furudo - I want to deck her in her smug little gremlin face but then also wrap her in a warm blanket and keep her all snug and protected in equal measures, which is a VERY hard thing to pull off as perfectly balanced as Erika somehow does and I adore her for it. 

4. Sayo Yasuda/Beatrice - Pretty much the centerpiece character of this entire narrative. Never fails to be fascinating and entertaining.

5. Maria Ushiromiya/MARIA - Uuuu! While at first Maria seemed a bit too try-hard to be for Umineko what Rena was for Higurashi, I got attached to her quickly and she proved to be a wonderful character.

6. Battler Ushiromiya/Black Battler - It’s almost unbelievable how much Battler’s character grew on me and won me over. A far more heavily flawed individual than Keiichi was, but just as interesting in his own right. Plus, he’s even got a badass evil doppelganger! 

7. Ange Ushiromiya/Ange-Beatrice - Easily the most sympathetic character in the cast aside from maybe Maria, and ultimately the true hero of this tale. Following her journey was always a highlight.

8. Jessica Ushiromiya - Tough-as-nails but a bit scatterbrained and blunt as hell, not to mention a pansexual icon. I can’t not love her!

9. Ronove - He’s too friendly and likable to be a nefarious demon!

10. Gaap - Another very fun and likable (and hot) demon character.

11. Virgilia - Beato’s mentor really helped kickstart our deeper understanding of magic, witches, and Yasu’s character while always being a pleasant and comforting presence to have around.

12. Eva Ushiromiya/Eva-Beatrice - Eva was the most fascinating and complex of Kinzo’s children who aren’t Yasu, making me care about her yet also detest her at different points, back and forth. She also has a kickass evil doppelganger in the form of her “black witch.”

13. Willard H. Wright - I’m a sucker for eccentric and antisocial Holmesian detectives, and Mr. Wright really made the most of it.

14. Lion Ushiromiya - They’re just precious, and show us what could have been had Kinzo not been even more horrid than he was.

15. Kyrie Ushiromiya - Imagine if Kyoko Kirigiri grew up and lost a good chunk of her moral standards, and you’d have Kyrie. Whether she be acting for good or for bad, she’s undeniably one cool MFer.

16. Hideyoshi Ushiromiya - How did Eva ever manage to score a guy so caring and kind? Easily the least bad of the Ushiromiya adults in terms of morality, even if he is sadly under-developed.

17. Juuza Amakusa - Formerly of the Yamainu and now serving as Ange’s hired bodyguard, he’s another fun morally sketchy character.

And the runner ups are....

Tetsuro Okonogi - I love the guy, but he appears in literally every single When They Cry entry, so he’s not exactly unique to Umineko.

Dlanor Knox - Have a difficult time separating her from Erika in my mind, so she doesn’t really stand on her own as a character.

The Seven Stakes Sisters of Purgatory - A fun take on the Seven Deadly Sins/Demon Lords, but lack much dimension or individuality.

The Chiester Sisters - Much as I enjoy them, they always did seem kind of out of place in this series, and they’re even less developed than the above sisters group.

All the other characters I can take or leave (Dr. Nanjo, Kumasawa, Gohda, Gertrude & Cornelia), I like them alright (George, Krauss, Natsuhi, Sakutaro), or I have more conflicted feelings on like if I mostly like them but sometimes hate them (Featherine Augustus Aurora, Genji, the Goat Servants), I mostly hate them but sometimes like them (Rosa Ushiromiya, Rudolf Ushiromiya, Zepar & Furfur), or I just flat out hate them but enjoy the shit out of hating them (Kinzo Ushiromiya. Fuck Kinzo. Oh, and Kasumi Sumadera too.)

[lifeofkaze]

When Stars Ignite - Chapter 17

HPHM Rockstar AU

A/N: Katriona Cassiopeia belongs to the wonderful @kc-and-oc

General Warning: This whole fic has a general warning of being NSFW / 18+. We will give specific warnings for every chapter in itself, but several adult themes will be more or less present in every chapter, may it be explicitly or in mention. These include sexual topics, drug abuse, (ab)use of alcohol, smoking and a whole lot of cursing.

Specific Warning:

~~~

Find the masterpost here, the previous chapter here and the next one here. The songs featured before every chapter can be found on this pretty badass playlist here.

~~~

This work is a collaboration with @the-al-chemist

Taglist: @slytherindisaster @night-rhea @carewyncromwell @thatravenpuffwitch

She's got a smile that it seems to me

Reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

~ Guns N’ Roses - Sweet Child O’ Mine ~

On the morning of their charity gig, Lizzie woke to a blissfully cool morning and an overcast sky. She turned in her bed and indulged in another moment of sleepiness before sitting up.

She hadn’t slept as badly as last night in a long while. After their discussion at the pool, Orion had been restless and had preferred to keep himself busy with working, meditating or whatever else it was that he was doing to ‘find his balance again’. So Lizzie had left him to it and had spent her evening with the rest of her friends.

It wasn’t like Lizzie wasn’t used to sleeping alone anymore; since their tour had started, she had made sure to get back to her room instead of staying with Orion every night. The hotels they were staying in were busy and she didn’t want anyone to see her leaving his room first thing in the morning.

But still, going to bed without so much as talking to him had been strange; Lizzie was surprised at how used she had become to having someone to unwind with.

On the other hand, Lizzie knew how much events like the one ahead were affecting Orion. He usually had a good grip on the events of his childhood but being confronted with his memories in such a direct way tended to unsettled him. If he needed his space, who was she to deny it to him.

Lizzie yawned as she got out of bed and changed into her workout gear, glancing glumly at the alarm clock on her nightstand; it had gotten late last night and she hated early mornings as much as the next person. But Orion would already be up for his morning round of yoga and she had promised she would join him.

Lizzie couldn’t help but shake her head at this retrospectively stupid idea. She did enjoy doing yoga, and especially together with Orion; it worked wonders on her flexibility and chronically sore muscles. Could she have her way, though, afternoon yoga would be just as fine. If it cheered Orion up, however, she would just have to bite the bullet.

As it turned out, Lizzie could have stayed in bed for all that it was worth. Orion remained silent throughout the flow, but it was not his usual serene calm; instead, he surrounded himself with a melancholy mood that was uncharacteristic for him. Lizzie did manage to cheer him up with a little extended exercise after they were done, but even then she could tell a part of Orion’s mind wasn’t with her.

Much to her dismay, his restlessness had rubbed off on her as well. Lizzie felt a nervous energy course through her body, which usually only got hold of her right before a show was about to begin. Her fingers itched for a practice session on her drums, but those were lying dismantled in their boxes at the arena.

She was still wearing her workout clothes, so she decided to go for a run to channel her energy into something more productive than pacing around her room.

When Lizzie stepped out of the hotel and onto the private parking space, the sky was still clouded, but blue patches could already be seen here and there. Just as she was about to put her headphones on, the sound of her name drew her attention.

“Hey Jameson,” Skye’s voice sounded from across the car park. “Rath and I are going for a run. Wanna come?”

She motioned over to where Erika was standing at the exit to the streets, looking what Lizzie assumed was mildly impatient; it was always a bit tricky to tell with the blonde head of security.

It was nice of Skye to ask, but Lizzie wasn’t in the mood for company. Each of the girls was as competitive as they came in their own right; Lizzie usually never backed down from a challenge, but combined Skye and Erika were too much even for her taste.

“No thanks, go on without me,” Lizzie consequently declined the offer. “I already worked out with Orion.”

Skye grimaced and rolled her eyes. “Spare me the bloody details.”

“Yoga, Skye. We did some yoga,” Lizzie responded wryly. “Get your mind out of the gutter, will you?”

She did make a point to omit the second part of their workout routine, however. Skye didn’t need to know everything after all.

Unsure what to do after Skye and Erika had left, Lizzie turned around and marched back into the building. She couldn’t really go for a run by herself now, so she might as well go on the hunt for some much needed coffee and breakfast.

When Lizzie arrived at the breakfast room, most of her friends were already there. Orion was sitting with Merula at a table in the far corner of the room. He gave her the briefest smile as their eyes met. Lizzie returned it before walking over to the large table beside the window where some crew members were sitting.

She would have loved to sit with Orion but she didn’t want to get in Merula’s way. Where a confrontation with his past was unsettling for Orion, it turned Merula into a loaded gun. On days like this, it was better to steer clear of her; the only one who was safe from her moods was her foster brother.

Lizzie and the others were chatting about the shows of the day and the work they still had to do. Organising and playing two consecutive gigs in a row, and in such a short time span as well, was something neither of them had done very often. Lizzie thought wistfully about the hours of sleep she had missed last night by tossing and turning in her bed.

The topic of the discussion had just changed to the ever on-going debate about their favourite kinds of sports, when Lizzie’s attention was drawn from Murphy’s admittedly impressive case for basketball. Artemis was standing in the doorway, her eyes scanning the room, probably looking for Charlie.

When she saw that he was sitting with the rest of them, a small frown appeared between her eyes. She wasted no time coming over, but walked straight to the buffet laid out in the middle of the room.

Lizzie downed the remains of her coffee with one determined motion and stood up. As she tried to get past Charlie to get herself another cup, Charlie shot her a warning glance.

“Relax,” Lizzie rolled her eyes at him, “I’ll be nice to her.”

“That’s exactly my concern, rockstar,” Charlie snorted in response.

Ignoring his concerns, she stuck her tongue out at him and made her way over to Artemis. The pyro technician only briefly glanced up from the selection of food as Lizzie stood next to her, but she could have sworn to hear a defeated sigh coming from Artemis’ lips.

Not getting discouraged so easily, Lizzie flashed Artemis a cheerful smile. “Good morning! Did you sleep well?”

Artemis didn’t look at her but made a non-committal sound as she picked out an almond croissant for herself; Lizzie took that as a sign to go on.

“I couldn’t sleep at all,” she said. “The noise from the street kept waking me up.” At least, that was half the truth. “I’m going to need all the coffee to get me through the day.”

To prove her point, she put her cup under the outlet of the fancy coffee machine and waited for it to fill up again. Artemis wasn’t responding, so Lizzie just continued talking; maybe she wasn’t a morning person. Then again, who besides Orion was?

“The day’s going to be such a long one, too. I can’t even remember when we last played two full shows in one day. Okay, granted, the first one is an acoustic set and that’s a lot less fuss but it’s still pretty exhausting if you want to do it right. And if you ask me, those kids deserve the best show we can give them,” she smiled at Artemis. “Do you and Charlie have anything special planned?”

“No,” Artemis said, turning to the coffee machine. Lizzie stepped away to make room, looking at her curiously.

“Your display is great as it is, so no need to change that much. The children will love anything you do either way.”

“There won’t be much to love. We’re not doing anything.”

Lizzie blinked in surprise. “Why not?”

“Because,” Artemis said pointedly, “I don’t want no child anywhere fucking close to my igniters. They can’t be controlled. One of them might burn themselves or some shit,” she smiled, but it was without any humour. “Imagine what that would do to your publicity.”

With that, she downed her still steaming coffee, turned on her heels and marched out of the room, the plate with her breakfast all but forgotten.

Lizzie stared after her for a moment, confused by Artemis’ strong reaction. When she returned to her seat, Charlie shot her a glum look.

“I didn’t do anything, I swear,” Lizzie shrugged. “We were just talking about the gig this afternoon and she ran off.”

Something like understanding was showing on Charlie’s face. “Ah, that explains a lot.”

Lizzie looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to go on. “Why?” she said slowly, when Charlie made no move to do so.

“She’s not coming.”

“Why not?”

This time, it was Charlie’s turn to shrug. “She didn’t want to tell me.”

Lizzie sighed as she poured more sugar into her coffee, blatantly ignoring KC’s unhappy face. “That’s a pity. The kids would have loved some cool effects.”

“Don’t worry about the effects,” KC said. She reached over the table and gently but firmly took the sugar dispenser out of Lizzie’s hands. “Just leave it to me to make your stage look pretty. After all, what are pyros but fancy lights?” she winked at Charlie.

Charlie muttered something incomprehensible into his coffee that sounded suspiciously like “No idea, that woman”. Murphy must have heard it as well, because he laughed and put his arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“Trust me, with the boss on the matter your show has a 94.3 % chance of being the best thing these kids have ever seen.”

*

As usual, Murphy’s prediction proved to be correct. Even without the use of pyros, KC had worked her magic on the lights, giving their show that little extra touch that made it even more special.

Sometimes Lizzie wished she could see the full display from the crowd’s perspective instead of being the subject of the spotlights. The only thing she could see was the change of colours and the patterns scurrying across the stage, but not the full glory of the elaborate show KC had designed for them.

For the show today, the head of Aurora Tourealis had known exactly which effects to reprogram without even thinking too hard on it. Suited to their acoustic set, she had dimmed the lights, toned down all effects, making their show feel different and yet familiar at the same time.

Even Everett had caught one of his better days; his voice sounded like liquid honey as it rose over the soft sound of his and Orion’s guitars, accompanied by the clear melodies coming from Merula’s piano.

They were met with thundering applause when they were done. Even though the crowd they had been playing for was ridiculously small compared to what would be waiting for them later, seeing the excited faces of all those children warmed Lizzie from the inside.

After their show, the kids, who were being allowed to meet them, split into two different groups. While one of them was shown around backstage, the others stayed with them and were given the opportunity to hang out with the band for a while.

Not all members of Equinox were in as good a mood as Lizzie, however. The only one enjoying her time seemed to be Skye, who was joking around with a few of the older kids. Everett was smiling his best stage smile, but it was obvious that he wished for what he considered a chore to be over.

Merula was hiding her discomfort much less well than Everett did; her answers to the questions were brusque and no longer than they had to be. There were considerably less children gathered around her than with the rest of them, but knowing Merula, that was just fine with her.

Every once in a while, Lizzie’s gaze wandered over to Orion. He was sitting cross legged on the stage floor, surrounded by a group of very attentive children. He was explaining why he was using different guitars for different songs, and the kids were positively hanging from his lips. Lizzie could understand why; when Orion was talking about his music, he did so with a passion that was completely captivating. She could listen to him talking her through his songs for hours on end and not get bored.

To anyone not knowing him, he might have looked just as calm as he always did; but Lizzie knew he was putting on a show. It was the little things that were giving him away; the way he was repeatedly running his hand through his hair, how he turned the pendant of the necklace between his fingers, or absentmindedly plucked on the strings of his guitar without even realising it. All these quirks showed Lizzie that he was trying to keep himself in check.

“And what is that for?”

Her attention returned to her own little group of fans. They were standing around her drum kit and she had just finished explaining the different kinds of drums, toms and cymbals.

One of the kids, a little girl probably no older than eight, was sitting on her lap; she seemed to be the youngest of them all and apparently an avid fan of Lizzie. Her stream of questions about Equinox, playing in a band, and how to become a drummer seemed to have no end. Lizzie was happy at her enthusiasm and answered every single one of her questions diligently.

Right now, she was pointing at something fixed to the stand of her hi-hat. Lizzie smiled fondly as she looked at the small construction of wood, string and feathers.

“That’s my dreamcatcher,” Lizzie explained, “I always keep it on my kit whenever I play. It’s supposed to watch over me.”

“How did you get it? Did you make it?”

Lizzie’s eyes went to Orion, only for a moment. “A very good friend gave it to me.”

The girl looked at her sceptically. “But if it’s supposed to catch dreams, why is it on your drums?”

Lizzie laughed. “That’s what my friend said, too. But I like looking at it when I’m playing. It’s my lucky charm.”

She remembered when Orion had given her the dreamcatcher. She had spent the night at his place and had woken from a nightmare that had left her shaking. She had those very seldomly, but when she did, she found it hard to let them go again. Orion had helped her breathe until she had calmed down; afterwards, he had collected the dreamcatcher hanging from the window above his bed and had given it to her.

“To keep away the bad dreams.”

The memory made her smile.

When it was time for the two groups to switch and the chaperones were calling their charges to their sides, Lizzie was surprised to feel a timid tug at the back of her shirt. Turning around, the little girl was standing behind her, a very serious expression on her face.

“I have to ask you a question,” she said urgently, eyeing the other children suspiciously.

Lizzie kneeled down in front of her and smiled. “Of course, sweetheart. What else do you want to know?”

A faint blush spread on the girl’s rosy cheeks as she looked over to where Orion was taking pictures with a few of the other kids. “Is Orion the friend who gave you your lucky charm?”

“He is,” Lizzie said, “you’re a clever girl.”

The girl’s eyes widened and the red on her cheeks deepened. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Caught completely unaware, Lizzie just so managed to keep her face from slipping. “What makes you think that?”

“You’re looking at him all the time,” the girl explained matter-of-factly, “and he keeps looking at you, too. And you smile when you talk about him.”

Without meaning to, Lizzie’s eyes flicked to Orion again, and sure enough, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when their eyes met. She felt the heat rise to her face and looked away again.

“No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Are you sure about that? He looks like he might be your boyfriend.”

Lizzie took a deep breath. “We are just very good friends.”

“That’s good,” the little girl stated, clearly satisfied with Lizzie’s answer.

“Why’s that?”

The girl lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Because I’m going to marry him when I'm grown up,” she said, completely serious about her plan.

Lizzie tried to mirror her earnestness but had to suppress the urge to chuckle; that was the cutest thing she’d ever heard. “Well, Orion is a very lucky guy then.”

“But you won’t tell him, right?” the girl said, suddenly looking very shy. “You have to promise me!”

Lizzie knew Orion was watching them and she smiled when she caught his gaze. Turning her attention back to the girl staring at her out of big eyes, she held her pinky finger out to her.

“I promise. This will stay our little secret.”