#have a lot of motivation just no ideas
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Hi!!! I saw that you opened requests for drawings. Can i ask for a drawing of my son Ace? Don't need to be in a hurry to finish and don't forget to take care of yourself ♡
here ya go!!! I just realized that I’ve never actually drawn ace!!! (plus an extra deuce because they’re a package deal 💕💝💖)
#request#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#deuce space#twst fanart#twst ace#twst deuce#they’re morons your honor#they’re both telling each other dumb jokes btw#like going back and forth saying stupid puns#(also flirting w/ each other) WHAT WHO SAID THAT#twst#disney twisted wonderland#I gave him his little demon horns hair fluff that he has in his og design I just made them more pronounced#also thank you I have been taking very good care of myself#have a lot of motivation just no ideas
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one thing about ik is that she will always reach out
#obey me#art#i had the idea for this and managed to bulldoze through drawing it all without losing motivation halfway through#but Do Not expect me to post art this frequently in future#idk how to do panels so if the middle bit with the text might be laid out weird#i added the stars and feathers and stuff because there was a bunch of empty space around the boxes#obey me satan#jtta ik#(btw the crumbling symbol next to the exploding feather is the wrath symbol from in-game)#(with the pride symbol attached upside down at the bottom)#(not so much symbolism as it is just me whacking you over the head with the point but it looks cool)#i had a lot of fun doing satan's more monstrous design so i might try my hand at some of the other demons later?#i do have some ideas for levi (deep sea creatures are just really fun)#also happy nightbringer release day!! it showed up on my homescreen like half an hour ago and i was like “wait what”#for some reason i thought it wasn't releasing til next week??#the new genshin patch is today as well so looks like i'll have plenty to do with the rest of my free time for the easter hols#(i promise i'm also working on the next chapter of jtta but i am so stuck on how to get lucifer actually Talking)#anyway. here's a gold star for making it through all my rambling in the tags for anyone who did so: ⭐
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my au's sun and moon after their first day/night out without the other. posting these because i have major art block and wanna post at least SOMETHING for yall BFGJHFGHKJF
(context for au below cut)
so in my au, sun and moon were originally two separate animatronics. they performed together at the theatre for a while. at some point, around the time bonnie was suddenly replaced, fazbear ent. LLC.'s profits went down. so, the company's ceo (who shant be named) provided the techs with a few ideas to save the company money, or make them more money to make up for the loss with bonnie's disappearance. one of those was scrapping sun and moon.
sun and moon were the techs' pride and joy at the time. but, with losing money (and being threatened to be replaced if they couldn't get profits up somehow), the techs decided that sun & moon's theatre performances weren't working. so, they put them in the superstar daycare instead of the theatre; a lot of adults kept being fired from the daycare and that was also losing the company money, so why not get rid of the human daycare staffing altogether? along with that, they had come to the realization that having two animatronics in one small area like this would be cause for costly monthly repairs. so, they decided to redo the attendant altogether and put both ai's in the same body. used old parts from their other bodies to build this one, so as to save money. spent a lot of time on them, since they were the tech's pride & joy, but couldn't get the transition and ai bugs smoothed out in efficient time, so they gave up. threw the attendant into the daycare and started focusing on the glamrocks and DJMM, the ones that actually made a lot of money for the company.
the art takes place that first night sun and moon come into consciousness, neither of them realizing they can speak to the other in their joint headspace, nor realizing how. this is that first day/night without the other.
#sorry no idea if any of that makes any fucking sense but shh we'll pretend it does#i have a lot of stuff for this au i need to flesh out and i blame my hyperfixation on sb for not letting me flesh anything out but the dca#anyway . ask questions as u please i need to get out of art block#xandraws#these were really quickly drawn btw like i did not try as hard as i could have because i just lost motivation#so the coloring + shading kinda sucks GJGHJKGBHGFKJ#fnaf#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#security breach#fnaf au#macabre maltreatment au#still need a reason thats the title of the au BGHGBHGBHFB#fnaf sun#sun fnaf#fnaf moon#moon fnaf#fnaf dca#dca fnaf#fnaf daycare attendant#daycare attendant fnaf#daycare attendant#dca sun#sun dca#dca moon#moon dca#dca fandom#sun x moon#moon x sun#sun x moon fnaf
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I know this breaks away from the lore stuff but this is most definitely what Grian sees.
Scott’s just the smiley type, guys.
#sorry for the big gap in chained life stuff#I had and still have a lot of ideas#I just couldn’t find the motivation to bring any of it to life#chained life au#trafficblr#mcyt#traffic life#traffic smp#chained life#life smp#life series au#life series#scott smajor#grianmc#grian#smajor mcyt#speakers#watchers#watcher grian#watcher!grian#evo lore#lore#mars art
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Clone baby AU TimKonBartCassie
Part 1
"Don't be mad."
Tim is more than aware he might not be the most sane, he also is more than aware that sometimes he does things that can be considered rage inducing or morally wrong but he can't say he regrets his choices.
Especially when she's seven pounds four ounces and just holding her makes him ready to burn the whole word down.
A perfect blend of him, Kon, Bart, and Cassie which oddly enough was extremely difficult to do since as it turns out genetic sequencing which is already absurdly complicated gets even worse when you add two more people.
She's perfect.
It was a spur of the moment decision a nightmare that drove him right back into the center of his grief.
He was staring at his previous cloning calculations and for a moment he was so incrediblely selfish.
He wanted a piece of his friends proof in a way of how deeply devoted he is to them. Something that no matter what couldn't be taken from him, something he could love unconditionally.
In a darker part of his mind he admits that the baby, his child who is incredible could have been just his and Kon's a half kryptonian but in his experience that is still too mortal.
But combined with a speedster and demigod he might have just made an unbeatable weapon. Not that his little girl will ever be that, he won't allow it.
"Tim is that a baby?" Kon gasps.
He only had held her for five minutes the greatest thing in the word had only been alive for ten minutes before he raced to titans tower holding his precious cargo.
All of them, the other parents? His friends sitting peacefully watching some program completely unaware of what's he's done. Not that it stayed that way for long.
"Is that Luci?" Bart asks.
All of them turn even Tim completely shocked his entire explanation that he had been planning for the last few hours gone with one sentence.
"Bart do you know this random baby? Also Luci what kind of name is that? Tim why do you have a baby?Cassie demands trying to sound stern but everyone can tell is beyond confused.
Bart who had gotten up walks not an once of speed the calmest any of them have ever seen, over to him a soft smile directed at apperently Luci although Tim agrees wth Cassie it's a weird name and not what he was planning.
"Our son, and Luci is a nickname, and if I'm right Tim just spent the last twenty four-ish hours creating him."
Before he can comprehend half of what Bart just said. Luci?
Is being cradled head perfectly surported by the speedster along with soft cooing from said speedster looking so natural as if fatherhood was created just for him.
Finally he finds his voice.
"Daughter, but Bart is right she's ours."
A giggle interrupts the cooing before a smirk paints Bart's face.
"No it's definitely son but it will be a good few years before he's able to voice that specific issue, not that it's much of an issue with all the money your daddy has isn't that right little lightening?"
And once again Bart is back to being absurdly attractive holding their child that Tim is getting a feeling he had prior knowledge of. Who also is trans? Maybe? which is completely fine of course but back to the whole Bart clearly knows something.
"Imp, ok I get the whole Rob made a baby with our DNA thing. No offense but I'm not exactly surprised Sunshine, your crazy we love that about you, but Bart why are you talking like you already know them."
Kon asks sounding very tired which Tim is a little offended by, he's not crazy.
Also how dare he be so accepting of Tim's cloned child as if this is Tuesday and Tim does this everyday he definitely does not, he's not Batman well ok maybe a little bit like him but still.
Wow Tim is way to sleep deprived if this is his inner monologue right now.
"Because I do. Lilith right? That's the name you had in mind apperently he doesn't actually mind you going with that for now since in his own words it inspires his much scarier name. God I love that kid."
Tim blanks.
He swallows throat suddenly really dry.
"Bart did you go to the future?"
He is trying to process but is now very scared is a time line fractured? Could his child not exist, and nevermind the whole Bart apperently already has insider info on the child his child that Tim just made ten fucking minutes ago.
"Oh no nothing like that."
He laughes out as if Bart hasn't been sitting on life changing information for who knows how long. Which is also extremely hypocritical of him considering secret child and timeline shenanigans that he was just panicking over.
"Our wonderful, gremlin, of a child ran into me actually some evil rouge with Time Travel powers which was a whole thing."
He pauses clearly rejoicing in some memory of their child that again Tim you know his mother wasn't privy to. Even though Tim is a man which would make him Dad but he created the baby so he should have been the first to have fond memories.
"I went to interrupt said fight not knowing and your child, yah Robie he was hundred percent your child, threw a DNA test in my face told me to get out of his way and absolutely demolished the dude before who I believe and I am just speculating here, was your brother's kid grabbed the dude and threw him into some weird portal before vanishing."
Tim is gonna lose his fucking mind his baby who he just created.
Grows up to be a superhero which alright not surprising, but also apperently one of his siblings has a child also not surprising. But they apperently travel through time together and cause chaos how fucking lovely he is starting to feel really guilty about everything with Bruce.
Oh my god he has to tell Bruce. But first.
"Which sibling?"
He doesn't actually know what's he's hoping for maybe Dick's kid yah, a sunshine child, chaotic but nice yah that sounds like a good influence. On once again his twenty minute old son? Daughter something? Whatever baby.
"Well based on the guns, and arrows that were floating around. You also can't forget the helmet I would say that was Arsenal and Red Hood's very own precious bundle but Luci wouldn't give me a straight answer but what would you expect when we raised him."
Tim's tired very tired he doesn't even stop himself from face planting onto the floor. Everything will make more sense after a nap a very long nap.
Oh my god Jason procreated is his last thought before he falls into a nightmare filled sleep.
#timkonbartcassie have a kid#timkon#clone baby#tim drake#batfamily#jason todd#everyone has kids#Tim cloned people#also Bart is super intelligent he doesn't get enough credit#bart allen#connor kent#cassie sandsmark#it's a boy#or it's a girl Tim doesn't know also he's super tired and this is from his perspective so it doesn't make a lot of sense#this is an idea I had it's kind messy#I'm not a huge Jason Roy fan but I think their kid would be badass#jayroy#this is a part one I got plans#let me know what everyone thinks#bruce wayne#Bruce became a grandfather#he just doesn't know it yet#protective Tim drake#Bart Allen is a good dad argue with the wall#Tim drake is a good dad argue with the wall#everyone's a good parent#I will not admit how long I have been working on this it's been way to long#batfam#bamf batfamily#also I have been seeing so many TimKon baby posts which motivated me to finish this
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Thinking about how if we accept Paul’s narrative of the night as truth (barring the holding hands of course) Bob fully thought Cherry was putting the moves on a 14-year-old
Are you sure he wasn’t a jealous man buddy 🤨
#I think there’s a few interpretations you could have of how much of what he says in JFT is true#especially since he’s established to be an unreliable narrator by the hand-holding lie#but like it occurred to me tonight. what if he wasn’t lying about Bob not being a jealous man? that means there was a different motive than#just her being with Ponyboy and him thinking some greaser’s trying to get with his girlfriend#what if it was like. okay now I’m venturing into the realm of headcanons. but his parents having an unhappy marriage and cheating a lot#to get back at each other when they fought#and when he was young he got the idea that if he could just go after all the people they cheat with they would be happy together#and now he’s older and has realized there’s no merit to that but it’s still ingrained in his mentality when he sees cherry#so when he sees cherry with Ponyboy he assumes it’s to get back at him and he ‘goes crazy’#this does still have him thinking Cherry’s trying to put the moves on a child so idk how I feel about this exactly but it could be refined#anyway I think it would be fun to explore variations of what he could’ve meant#og#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#paul holden#cherry valance#bob sheldon
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I’ve been working on this off and on… crazy bastard alert!!!!
#hi DIROXIDElings I’m so sorry I’ve not posted#my motivation to draw has severely decreased#I’m still very passionate about Kirby and my OCs I just seem to have lost a lot of desire to actually draw anything lately. it sucks a lot#drawing is my passion but for some reason I just don’t want to ever draw or do anything at all#apologies. I wish to show my ideas but I’m not sure what exactly is up with me?#diroxide art#kirby#kirby art#WIP#Kairos#Termina
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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Jason Sudeikis as Ted Lasso Season 3 » Casual Sweaters/Jumpers
#Ted Lasso#Jason Sudeikis#Theodore Lasso#*mine: gif#tedlassoedit#sweater/jumper game#ugh you idiot with that face#stop staring at me swan#here's a gifset for the sweater/jumper lovers out there and sorry this is a long post. I just couldn't make up my mind on some of these#I spent way too much time overanalyzing the casual sweaters/jumpers. I was trying to only show each one once but then just gave up#deep dived research on the Todd Snyder site that's the kind of overanalyzing that happened#there is a lot of lighting messing with colors and for sure there are some repeats in this but whatever#I had this idea way back when we saw the variety of color sweaters/jumpers for S3#but after the end of S3 I lost a lot of feelings for this show#my motivation for giffing this show is not so strong anymore but there is a part of me that still wants to maybe try a layout set#I'm thinking of doing all 3 seasons and just an overall sweater/jumper encompassing gifset. both the work and casual together#kind of meh on how some of these turned out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#it might be the added switch to the new editor and that all of these have been turned into gifv nonsense#also couldn't get the caption font to do what I wanted in html or at least it looked alright in drafts but not in preview#PS: thank you talldecafcappuccino for reading/helping with my color debate/same vs not same sweater/jumper nonsense
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my arts been doing bad on twtter. ive recovered in the past but i worry this time will be different. the idea of losing such a large platform makes me wonder if theres point in continuing even if i feel tremendously guilty admitting that.
as my therapist pointed out today: ppl still like my art. still when i think about it i think there are other artists for you all though. better ones have come along and better ones will still come.
im in my 20s and i haven’t really gotten a chance to live my life properly since the pandemic bc of it. still art is important to me and the idea of losing it has me feeling listless. what do i do when its been who i am for years.
im unsure tbh if im going to quit.
i draw what i like but i don’t see purpose in drawing for myself.
anyways this isnt that deep my therapist is just on leave next week and i wanna cut my hair again
#delete later#a morbid thought ig but the idea was always#well if i stopped what if i regret it 10#20 years later#but if i dont have 10 years#is there time to regret it if i stopped#idk what to do its like complete and sudden loss of motivation#ive been trying to pick myself up from it#but i just wanna lay here ig#theres also the question of a honed skill being discarded#though i mean there were lots of things i was skilled at as a kid that i discarded#swimming was one running was also another#ig i lost those more bc i developed a panic disorder#and like the worst place for that is maybe when ur in a deep pool center lane#maybe this was the thing that made me unique#but its also not a thing i advertise irl if anything i actively hide it and just lie#i havent made every piece ive wanted to make
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calling harry a “can opener” was SUCH a good play for so many reasons i think about it every day.
in the context of his work, it makes him a tool. as many people have pointed out, including martin luiga, part of the hdb tragedy is that he simply cannot leave the force, and his superiors know that and are using it to their advantage. no matter what happens, even if harry hated every nanosecond of every bit of the work and wanted to leave, he can’t and won’t leave. they can leverage anything they want against him and then reel him back in with a facade of kindness when they “allow” him to keep his job, as long as he does what they want him to. the 41st knows he has this inexplicable talent with people and they use him for it. he’s a cop: that talent can be used in so many awful ways, to push so many different agendas. and they won’t even be his own. a can opener has no particular desire to open a can, aside from maybe the satisfaction of fulfilling a purpose. a can opener has no agency, it’s just a tool for someone else to use to get what they want. and he’s learned to be okay with being used as long as it means he gets to stay. his complacency with this system makes him guilty even if he’s also being harmed by it.
but in the context of his personal life you kind of... flip it. the people around him are going to be opened up whether they want to be or not, and it’s terrible for his relationships. it’s shown that the questions, the prying- the can-opening- it’s become inextricable from who he is as a person. it’s like he doesn’t know how else to communicate, except it’s hardly communication when you’re just ripping people open. he’s invasive as all hell, although whether he means to be is debatable. he’s the kind of person that wants to take things apart to see what makes them tick. he dissects people, but really that’s too delicate of a word for what he does; if he doesn’t get what he wants right up front, he’ll abandon all subtlety and go for brute force. if he can’t get your screws loose he’ll just smash you on the ground and pick through your pieces until he’s satisfied, and if what he did to you isn’t fixable? oh well, there are other cans to open.
and he’ll use it for personal gain: we already know he is (was?) manipulative. once he knows how you operate, he knows how to make you keep him. he can yell or he can cry; he can threaten you or he can threaten himself; he can be completely suffocating or he can withdraw completely; he can be an incorrigible liar or brutally honest; he can present himself as a threat or a joke or a talent. he’s a chimera- that’s why he’s got this inexplicable magnetism, even when people know they shouldn’t like or trust him. fidelity of character means nothing to him. he’ll be whatever he needs to be as long as it gets him what he wants. the can-opening is just his way in.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#and it works on us the audience as well!#look at how many different versions of harry there are out there. each tailored to our individual preferences#we exaggerate and minimize his traits according to what we want to see. he's can-opening us too!#it's just like. of course his job will frame the can opening as a positive thing#but it's honestly one of his worst traits. or at least it is when he doesn't keep it in check#there's nothing wrong with wanting to understand people but the way he goes about it is harmful to everyone including himself#he's doing it because he has ulterior motives like 99.999998% of the time#this is mostly about pre-martinaise harry but i have no doubts that post-martinaise harry can go right back to this btw#a lot of us prefer to think of harry as drastically improving after martinaise which is great and i'd like to hope he does but.#it's also good to consider the overwhelming possibility that he will go right back to being a total shithead#and that may be completely unintentionally! which almost makes it worse!#ALSO. this is part of why kim makes a very good foil#for the most part kim will stonewall anything he doesn't feel like sharing#harry needs to respect boundaries and by god does kim have a lot of those (affectionate)#HOWEVER kim is definitely susceptible to the can opening as well#wait okay i have another post idea.#anyway thanks for reading. as always feel free to add and share thoughts!#kiwipost#hdb meta
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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Trick or Treat!!!👻💀🎃
Send me an ask with the name of a character and “trick or treat” and I will either respond with a snippet of them from a WIP OR an associated headcanon from a fic I’m working on.
#mostly applies to the lady terror saga but I will happily take stuff for joker as well bc I’ve been working on that as well#think of it as teasers for things to come that may also help motivate me#because I have had at least ideas for what just about everybody thinks about lady terror if nothing else lmao 😂#also for joker stuff I have thought a lot since the sequel dropped about how harvey dent fits into the story I’ve been coming up with so… y#or y’all can just ask me whatever ig idk I’m makin it all up lmao but I think we all need to have some fun today#ask games#trick or treat
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There’s a secret massive hidden Psychonauts fandom that updates every few minutes because of the sheer volume of content for my viewing pleasure. Y’all are just keeping it away from me <- (side effects of the copium I’m on) anyway, takes some Sasha doodles for your time. I keep him in a jar in my room. I said be there or be square and bro did NOT show up cuz he’s an absolute nerd.
#I have no idea what to do with him#So he’s just standing there#Also i have a lot of motivation rn and no idea what to do with him so I am accepting Sasha-related requests#Sketch#oldman art#psychonauts#sasha nein#The Image is there i prommy it’s Just cropped to hell and back
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attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising
can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible
#getting married is not really a thing id be doing in order to concretize any promise that isn't 'we really really want to keep doing this#and want to experience various economic benefits of that desire and also invite my family to celebrate about how great 🌸 is'#it's not that i don't consider us to have commitments to each other it's just like. the vows would be essentially 'i promise to try to have#continuity of personality with my current self to the extent that that bears on the qualities that make our relationship work well'#i don't know why it bothers me so much. but the idea of idk. promising to always listen to 🌸 or whatever feels genuinely horrible#it's sort of. parodic? either i'm doing it and/or have given good reason to believe i would be receptive to and capable of working toward i#or not. and either way. why are our families watching us reiterate that information.#on the other hand i would REALLY like to get up and give a speech about 🌸's innumerable deeply admirable qualities which strongly#motivate me to continue living with and knowing and supporting them.#so if i do that instead. do you think anyone will like. notice.#box opener#i guess it's good to realize that i have a STRONG IDEOLOGICAL OPPOSITION TO WEDDING VOWS before we're publicly engaged#but also. we are really rejecting a lot of the wedding concept. it's possible this is going to end up being two speeches and a dance party.#a rabbi can stand nearby. for ambiance.
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#i went to sleep at 3am and its 6am now bc i criedmyself to sleep 👍👍#sorry to ventdump my annoying insecurities again#i cant bring myself to do something i really want anymore#been having these thoughts since last year but this year its a lot more apparent#ideas are not scarce but the motivation/time to execute them are#i wish i could take an indefinite break on taking commissions bc by the time im finished with all of them im too burnt out/1#to draw for my blog and by the time it passes my motivation for these ideas also vanishes/2#I cant actually stop now bc im still an unpaid internee working for experience+portfolio so I need the money#I feel like shit whenever i can't get art done at the appropriate timing (ex: thematic holiday/character bday/event etc)#everything passes too fast and its already too late and the hype dies#its so hard to stay relevant and charismatic enough#Looking back I can't say im 100% satisfied with ANY art i posted this year#“was it worthy? is it still relevant? did I waste my time doing this?”#im too overly emotional over this (unfortunately) popular fictional lion beastman#“I want to yume/draw him more often/talk more about him!”#why? hes already popular enough. He has louder and more popular users who do that for him. nobody would care if it's you.#you'd get a swarm of hate. nobody would send you nice asks about it.#you don't get nearly half of the asks you used to receive back then. people just aren't interested in you anymore.#maybe you should delete your blog and start drawing trendy doodles of whatever is being hyped up at the moment.#.#if I can't execute original ideas what's the point of it?#I hate HATE having to do trendy art of whatever unfunny meme is being hyped up at the moment#but sometimes its necessary for the algorithm to boost you and to get some actual crumbs of engagement and new followers#what else can I do? being interesting on your own or having an interesting oc is no easy feat. I envy those who manage.
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