#hate me babies I love that man I have so much empathy for him which is surprising because I don’t relate at all to him

[icallhimjoey]

okay so what if for once joe was the drama queen cos he’s Big Mad over some stuff…how would that play out

this guy's a whole idiot, im not sure i like him all that much... Wordcount: 2.3K

---

I Prefer The Moon Anyway

“I’m sorry...”

If someone asked you without Joe in the room, you’d tell them Joe was being an unreasonable little bitch boy.

“I said I’m sorry.”

But Joe is right there, ignoring you, and you’re apologising just to apologise. You know he wants to hear it, so you’re giving him the words, even if they’re empty.

“I heard you.” Joe’s remark is cold. He can tell you don’t mean it. That you are just avoiding a fight. He doesn’t blame you, he wants a fight even less than you, but you’re annoying him in a way he doesn’t have the words for.

If someone was to ask him without you in the room, he’d tell them this is the exact point of a relationship at which he’d usually turn into stone. This is where he grows numb. Cares less. Starts to protect himself in silence and prepares for the inevitable break up that’s coming.

The beginning of the end.

“But what do you want me to do?” you ask, sounding a little more desperate and helpless than you want, but you can’t help it. Joe’s asking something ridiculously unreasonable. Something you can’t give him. Don’t want to give him. It doesn’t help that you think he’s actually being a dramatic baby who feels like he’s not gotten enough attention. A coddled man who wants the whole world to bend to his needs.

Joe just shrugs. Knows exactly what he wants you to do.

And to be fair, the world has bent to his needs for ages, so who is to blame him for expecting you to do the same?

Joe’s pouting.

He looks like a child who’s overdoing a sad face to get a little empathy from his classmates. Like the kids all across the playground need to see that he’s hurt. Like he needs to guilt-trip them into giving him the toy that he allegedly saw first so he stops crying and they can all be friends again.

You fucking hate it.

“Can you hear yourself, though?” you try for some logic. For some critical thinking skills. Does he see, in the grand scheme of things, how utterly ridiculous he’s being?

Joe shrugs again, but this time it’s conspicuously uninvolved. Like he doesn’t give a single shit about how unreasonable he’s being. He’s gone from acting like you’re burning down the whole world to suddenly acting like he’d rather live on the moon anyway. Burn it, bitch. Whatever. He couldn’t care less.  

He won’t reach out to touch you tonight. He’s going to break your one rule if you keep this up. All because of schedules that never seem to coordinate – something that’s neither his fault or yours.

“I sure can. Can you?” Joe bites back, wants to hear a sincere apology from you. He wants to hear in your voice that he’s right and that he’s not selfish for wanting what he wants. For feeling the way he feels. Not his fault he loves you.

That’s what he’ll bring it back to – always.

He just loves you a lot.

How can you hate him for that, Big Wet Brown Sad Eyes™? Hmm?

Which... it’s so unfair.

And selfish.

He wants you to drop everything at a moment’s notice because he needs you right now. Doesn’t give a shit about what you need.

It’s fucking selfish, is what it is.

And the problem is that Joe’s selfishness is exactly what’s put you where you are now, in his living room, in a weird fight that you would both rather not be a part of.

“Please repeat what you’re asking of me.” You narrow your eyes at him as you look over your shoulder, convinced that he knows he’s wrong and that he should be the one apologising to you.

“Is it too much to ask of my girlfriend to spend time with me?” 

You sigh. You’re so frustrated. That’s not what he’s asking of you - that’s what he’s dressing it up as, which is unfair. What Joe’s asking is for you to drop your work at a moment’s notice because he’s suddenly found an evening off in his schedule and he decided he wants to spend it with you. But he hasn’t actually checked to see if you have the time. Just assumed that you did.

A risky assumption to make.

Because you don’t.

“You know I barely get any time to myself, I don’t know when I’ll have a night off next... could be weeks.” Joe places both hands on your shoulders to give you a little squeeze there. Massages the muscles in places he knows are tight just from the look of you. Gets his mouth close to your ear and lowly says, “Come on, baby. It’s just one night.”

You need to finish work.

There’s a deadline tomorrow you need to make, no questions asked.

Your evening plans surround you and your laptop and a wifi connection, and you were hoping you’d maybe get to sit in the same room as Joe as he would do some work of his own. Some prep for next day’s scenes. Some reading, some rehearsing.

Not this.

Not Joe trying to coax you into a bad performance review just because he felt bored that one night he suddenly found himself with a hole in his agenda.

“I’m here,” you say dryly, but you know that’s not what he means. “You can spend time with me whilst I finish all of this up.”

Joe communicates it with a look. A drop of his face and shoulders, letting you go and stepping away. Eyes rolling because, that’s not fair. He wants to take you out. Go some place nice. Talk and laugh and spend some actual time with you. See if some of his other current colleagues want to join, so he can introduce you. 

And it’s awful because that’s what you want too. But you feel like you’ve wanted that a million times, and every time you’ve tried to plan something, Joe’s been busy. Always so busy. Table reads, night shoots, long hours, long commutes, a party here, an event there. And it’s always, “Babe, it’s for work, I can’t just cancel.” 

Yet, that’s exactly what he’s asking of you now. 

“I don’t know why you assume that your time is more valuable than mine.” 

“I don’t think that at all! When have I ever said that?”

It’s how he’s acting. It says enough.

“Listen to what you’re saying; you’ve got a bit of free time. You do. You. Not me though. Not tonight. Does that sound familiar? At all?”

The tables have turned, just this once. He can just fucking deal with it like you have all those times before.

“Don’t. You know that’s not–”

“So your job is more important than mine?”

It pays more, Joe thinks immediately, but refrains from speaking the words into the room. Knows that won’t help, but it’s definitely telling how quick the comeback came to him.

“Hmm? Your time more important than mine?” You push.

Joe needs to realise that, if that’s actually how he feels, how outrageous the thought is. Just by your face, he needs to feel how those thoughts need reevaluating.

“You’re putting words in my mouth.”

You’re not. You’re just reading his body-language.

“Your priority is you. You have a free minute and so I’m supposed to just work my way around your schedule and– mind you, you didn’t even know about this until this afternoon! This deadline at work has been there for months!”

You should’ve stayed at the office.

Finished up there.

Joe is pacing now. Walking around his own living room with flared nostrils, taking in your words until you leave enough room for him to say anything.

Which, when he finally gets a chance, he drops an insane bombshell.

“Well, if you hadn’t procrastinated everything until the night before, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are right now.”

Oh, what the fuck? 

Did it take too long for you to set the world alight? Did Joe think it necessary to douse it in petrol and hold a lit match between two fingers a little too loosely? One small move from you could be used as an excuse to drop it, and full blame could be placed with you.

Clever.

But so are you.

You don’t make a move.

Not a single fucking muscle.

You just stare at him over your laptop screen.

Frozen in place.

And Joe stares right back.

It’s like a fucking duel.

You remember a time where you were in Joe’s shoes. The ones he’s wearing right now. The difference being that, back then, there were actual plans made that you’d been looking forward to, and then two days before, Joe complained about having to cancel on seeing family. He added that it’d be the third time he had to dip out on something, and how that made him feel like an awful person, but his job was just too demanding right now. People wanted him everywhere, all of the time, and whilst he typed away at his phone to apologise to his mum, he didn’t see how your face fell too, because you knew if he was telling family members he couldn’t make it to something, he was also going to have to cancel on you.

Again.

You’d cried, then. Only silently. Wiped a tear away quickly and masked a sniff as a deep breath, because you didn’t want him to feel worse.

Trust Joe to feel guilty for having to cancel on family for the third time and forget about the person in the room with him.

You then wondered if he ever kept count with you.

“You okay?” he had asked when you’d fallen silent, and you’d smiled and nodded. “Yea, just tired.” which wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the full truth that Joe accepted it as.

Idiot.

It was fine. It wasn’t his fault.

You’d taken your frustration out on him later that night, when he left your toothpaste uncapped on the side, and you’d grumbled until the lights in the bedroom got turned off, and Joe reached out to you under the covers.

The one rule.

Even if you were upset, or angry, or wanted to fully murder each other, you had to at least still touch each other in bed. To let the other know that, yea I’d rather fucking shout at you until I go hoarse right now, but I still love you.

It could be a big toe touching a shin, or an elbow digging into a bicep – a touch was a touch. An I love you hidden in the dark.

And you had accepted it easily then.

Yea, it was annoying that Joe’s work dictated so much of what your relationship could even be, but it wasn’t his fault, so there was no use blaming him for it.

That was then.

You don’t know when you’d grown past the point of simply accepting all the bullshit. When you decided to maybe not brush things off and be the cool girlfriend who was there for her boyfriend wherever and whenever, especially in all the moments he wouldn’t have been there for you had the tables been reversed.

Like right fucking now.

You are still staring at Joe across the room when you see how suddenly, he starts to blink his eyes rapidly. See how suddenly, his jaw starts working. You know he’s biting back tears and, no – you won’t fucking have that. This motherfucker can cry on command and you don’t doubt for a single second he’d use that to get his own way.

“Don’t fucking guilt-trip me into losing my job.”

Joe’s immediately offended.

He drops the match.

“Well, I’m sorry for being disappointed.”

World on fire.

“Do you want me to leave?” you spit out, louder than you initially thought you’d make your voice go.

“No, no,” Joe immediately says, but it sounds patronising, even though he’s on the verge of tears. Like he actually means yes, please leave, because what good are you going to be to him having to sit at his kitchen table and do work all night.

“Stay. Make your deadline.”

You ignore the sarcastic bite and take a second to sit back in your chair and assess what needs doing. How long it’ll take you all. What time you’ll likely be finished. You conclude that, if Joe’s gonna be moping around, giving big sighs from across the room, that it will likely take twice as long.

You should leave.

“No, I should go. Get this done and then see you after.”

It’s the last thing Joe expected. For you to go on your own merit. Because of your work that needs doing, and not because you’ve gotten into a huge fight. You’re not storming off and screaming how you never want to see him again. You have work to do and want to see him after you’ve finished it.

It’s stupid how fast everything inside of him flips.

He doesn’t actually want you to leave.

He wants you to shut your laptop and sigh lovingly and mutter, “How could I ever resist you?” through a smile before you kiss him silly and follow him out into the night.

But instead you shut your laptop and bend to pick up your bag from the floor to stick it into and, no, that’s not what he wants.

“No, wait... wait. I’m sorry.” he says he before he even realises what he’s doing. Unsure if he really means it. He just doesn’t want you to get up and leave. If anything, he’d like to talk more and get you to eventually prioritise him over everything else. “Stay. We can... you can finish work and then we could do something after.”

You drop your head all the way back and take a moment to let your eyes dart to all corners of his ceiling.

What if you don’t finish this until after 11? After midnight? Is he just going to watch you work from the sofa and ask you how much longer every three minutes because he thinks you’re taking too long?

You should leave.

“I should go. I’m probably better off at the office, actually. It’s where I’ll get it done faster, I think.” You say all of it kindly. Stick your laptop into your bag calmly, no jerky annoyance in your limbs. But you don’t make eye-contact so he can’t use the Big Browns on you, and instead of trying to stomp on the flames to make the fire go out, he wafts a fresh gust of wind right over them, making them climb much higher.

“All right, fuck off then. See if I give a shit.”

If someone asked you without Joe in the room, you’d tell them Joe needed a moment to calm down and you’d talk to him in the morning after you’d made this deadline.

You didn’t start the fire.

Joe did.

And he’d figure that out eventually.

If someone was to ask Joe without you in the room, he’d tell them fuck her, apparently she doesn’t give a shit about him, and actually, that’s totally not a problem at all, because he prefers the moon anyway.

---

The Taglisted

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@everythinghasafacee, @ferfan14, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @gri959

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@sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow

@witchwolflea, @yunirgo

add yourself

[morriganofcrowsandwar]

Aaaaaaah! Okay so I’m now on episode 144 of the Magnus Archives here are my thoughts:

1) Mkay Martin is just deliberately pushing people away now, which he has been doing for a while now but he snapped at Daisy and told her to leave him alone “for good” when they had literally had a pretty decent conversation last episode. Like come Oooonn Martin. And then of course Peter FUCKING Lukas appeared to congratulate him afterwards, that fucking ass. I genuinely hate this man so much I want him dead now. And Jonathan hasn’t made any more attempts to contact Martin because he trusts him and ugh I want to sob. Anyways Jon said “I NEED Martin to be okay” and it made me want to cry because it is in DIRECT parallel to when Martin said he needed Jon to be okay before they left to stop the Unknowing. They need to stop this insanity oh my god. Why do gay people always have to be dramatic? Anyways I hope Martin’s plan does work out but like joining the Lonely????? No baby no do not do that. He’s undecided as of now. Gosh Peter wanting him to be alone and stuff makes sense I’m just saying it’s an absolutely DIABOLICAL plot device. Absolutely genius mwah lovely but GOD it hurts.

2) Basira is both my favorite and kind of a dick right now. She’s very complex and I love her. Her relationship with Jon is so very important to both of their development and I eat it up. She keeps him more human but she’s losing some of her humanity too it’s really interesting. The situation has made her become more like Gertrude as she thought that was most productive but she isn’t exactly comfortable with the lack of empathy that Jon shows until he points out the fact that she wouldn’t show any empathy there either. She’s becoming someone else and doesn’t realize it til he points it out. It’s really interesting. Also Daisy is kinda my favorite too because she’s literally just hanging out trying not to go back to the hunt. Also Melanie is going to therapy and that’s good I mean I hope she’s okay in the end but right now I’m not interested in her movements as much as the others

Final notes) Not as silly this time apologies but oof it’s rough out here and I didn’t even mention Jonathan CONSUMING THE FUCKING DARK SUN??!! LIKE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! AND THE EXTINCTION AND ALL THAT JUNK EUGH

This is insane I love it

[come-see-our-show]

Now that it’s been a week since I've watched Roald Dahl's Matilda: The Musical, here are all my thoughts (as someone who loves the musical and played Bruce once):

THE BABIES SINGING IN THE OPENING NUMBER WAS THE CUTEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN

The cast was INCREDIBLE!! Emma Thompson was terrifying! Stephen Graham and Andrea Riseborough were hilarious! Lashana Lynch was so endearing! AND I WANNA SEE ALISHA WEIR IN MORE STUFF BECAUSE SHE ATE IT UP

I want to give credit to the makeup team for Trunchbull's makeup because even though I knew it was Emma Thompson, they did such a good job of realistically transforming her into someone else. Her appearance wasn't a joke in the same way that it is in the musical. Her character in the stage version is definitely pretty misogynistic and transphobic because they play into her masculinity by having a man play her. Here, it's just a way of adding to her character, but it isn't what makes her scary.

All of the changes worked so well in adapting it for the screen. It wasn't just a copy-paste (couch cough everybody's talking about jamie) Examples of the changes that really worked:

Getting rid of Michael Wormwood. It makes sense since the Wormwoods clearly hate kids.

Giving Lavender a pet newt (very Chekhov's Guncore)

Including telekinesis throughout the whole story instead of just showing it a few times in the 3rd act. This includes Nigel asking Matilda if she has TK, Matilda messing with the doors in the cake scene, exploding the chokey, THE FUCKING CHAINS

Having the Spain news earlier in the story, causing a catalyst of events. Matilda is enraged, she sings I'm Here, she explodes the chokey (which was BONE-CHILLING), it gives Trunchbull a reason to make more chokies, and now Matilda is so emotional that she can take her powers to the extreme with the chalkboard and the chains and throwing Trunchbull out the window. All of this gave much better pacing in the story and made it all connected.

Having more scenes outside of the classroom (the cake scene and The Smell of Rebellion) and putting Ms. Phelps' library in her car. It's quirky and also gives them an excuse to put the storytelling scenes in pretty locations.

Giving Ms Honey a bike while her co-worker had a car, foreshadowing her being poor.

Putting Matilda's bedroom in the attic made so much sense because the Wormwoods obviously did the bare minimum for their child.

The students' drawings in Ms Honey's cottage

SO MANY FANTASY SEQUENCES! BRUCE!! WHEN I GROW UP!!! QUIET!!!!

All of the kids were so adorable (and ridiculously talented!)

The storytelling sequences!!! Interweaving it with the real world worked so well, like Matilda making it a real story for school but also clearly using it to cope. And putting them in a real circus made me more empathy for the Honeys, which lacked in the stage version because it always felt very thrown-in to me. Like, I genuinely got nervous during the stunt with the dynamite. It also made "I'm Here" even more emotional. Carl Spencer was amazing as Magnus and I teared up a bit. Also the parallels of I'm Here vs My House, helping Matilda put the pieces together.

The new song wasn't my favorite but it was a really nice finishing touch. Even though the circus at the school didn't logically make sense it was so fun

The only things I disliked: I wanted more of the already incredible stuff. More of the Wormwoods, who were absolutely hilarious, especially Mrs Wormwood. I really missed "Loud" (though removing it helped with the pacing). I wanted a bit more of Bruce (they didn’t give him the high note in Revolting Children 😭), and I would've liked Ms Honey to be a bit more affectionate with Matilda.

Anywho I want snort this movie like cocaine

[gunkbaby]

idk how true this is these days but i feel like a *lot* of shuu analysis focuses on his character in :re. which i understand - his story within :re is definitely more than worth analysing - but i feel like sometimes ppl pass off shuu’s character in tg part 1 way too cynically.

like he’s *not* a villain - not evil - he’s an antagonist. he is someone who does bad things. i have seen so many ppl sort of disparage or put down shuu’s initial character as this sort of comedically evil narcissist, and the depth of his character within that part of tg feels lost. it feels like shuu is treated kind of flippantly in regards to analysis pre-:re - like he can be summed up rather easily. he’s down bad and funny, he’s full of himself and so dreadfully selfish. weird man who talks funny and acts devious.

i think only viewing :re shuu with depth does him a great disservice.

maybe i have made this man into too much of my baby, but i feel like there are so many moments - before :re, in the side stories, and so on - that show the very kind, genuine person that shuu is. there are moments where you can see that deep down, shuu is a genuinely kind, loving person. whilst he certainly is arrogant and self-serving, he also loves, he’s kind and he wants to see other people happy.

i think shuu is unable to convey or understand this love and empathy within himself. i see him in the first part of tokyo ghoul as someone who has desperately justified his existence in a world that actively rejects him. even amongst most other ghouls - outside of his family - shuu feels alienated. he fundamentally does not understand friendship, and i don’t think he understands how to love other people yet - he feels it, but doesn’t understand it in himself and conflates it with other, more familiar feelings of desire - and in tokyo ghoul this love inside of him becomes unavoidable. however, as it is in conflict with the perception shuu has built of himself (which i view as a means of coping with his alienation) it is desperately uncomfortable and painful.

to me, shuu in tokyo ghoul is someone who has built a view of themselves as a means of protection. he is a kind person who loves deeply and strongly, and genuinely desperately wants to see the people he loves happy above all else, but he is unable to understand that. i feel like upon understanding that, shuu also comes across as someone who is confused about who and what they are, but desperately wants a place in it.

again, idk what other ‘modern’ shuu analysis really looks like. i am talking from my perspective and memory of the past analysis and characterisation of shuu - that a lot of the genuineness within him is only seen in :re, like he’s a ‘good person’ in :re and :re alone, without the attention to his character in tg. i don’t like that that feels neglected to me, which is why a lot of my personal analysis is more centered on shuu in tg over :re - maybe because i am about the age he was there, and i feel about as confused and alienated as i read him.

i think, like a lot of characters in tokyo ghoul, you can read shuu as being quite a fearful person - fearing a lack of a place in society, his own loneliness, and that his idea of himself and the world is incorrect. it’s like he has this internal war of love and fear. I’ve thought about this concept a lot lately though - love and it’s opposite - hate is not the opposite of love, fear is, and that view has kind of shifted my worldview quite tremendously lately, so maybe I’m just talking nonsense, but now i look at so many characters i love, and i can see how their more morally reprehensible actions and views are fundamentally driven by fear. after which point it becomes very easy to sympathise with them - not that i have no sympathised with shuu excessively in the last 8-9 years lmao - i’m excited to re-read tg and look at other characters with this new lens also.

anyway i must stress that im not trying to bash shuu analysis from like 5 years ago or whatever - i just think shuu’s character in part 1 is neglected over his character in :re. and obviously i still love shuu in :re, i mean, outside of his general dreaminess, I’ve done analysis on that era of him before, and of how deeply important it is to me. I love and appreciate every nanometer on his character. he’s so important, and i will always want to dedicate myself to appreciating and extending my understanding of every part of him. 🩵

[aspiringwriter1111]

Hallmark PSA

I know since it's coming on the holiday season, I'm going to start seeing a lot of Hallmark slander.

But here's a little known fact.

Hallmark is actually really really good.

WAIT WAIT DON'T LEAVE-

Let me explain!

The movies people usually associate Hallmark with are the "old" ones (2020 and back). I bet after seeing how cliche and unhealthy they were, you didn't see a reason to watch them again after that, am I right??

But you knew them well enough to know they weren't worth your time and sanity.

Girl in a high stress job goes to small town, learns the meaning of Christmas, and then cheats on her also stressed out boyfriend back in the city with a hot cocoa making stubbly kind of rude lumberjack man then quits her job and moves to Vermont or something.

Yeah, they don't do those anymore.

At all.

I'm serious.

A part of it is that there was a purge. A year or two ago, there was a new Christmas movie company in town. All the actors that didn't like the forward direction Hallmark wanted to go in, left and joined GAC.

(Great American Family, or as I like to call it GACK. The movies are exclusively awful old Hallmark style, but Republican, badly decorated, very white, and also much worse.)

GAC took all the problems away from Hallmark, and made movies out of them. Hallmark, now cleansed, is pumping out cinematic greats that I WILL be rewatching every Christmas.

The whole of Hallmark was Recast, save for the best of the best fan favorites (Like Lacey Chaubert-)

They have plus sized actors now and people of color, cast as main characters on a regular basis.

Half of the movies aren't even romance centric anymore, instead focused on life, and moving forward, but when they are, they're really well done, and actually healthy.

If you know me (which you don't), then you'll know I hate unhealthy relationships. Especially when they're treated like they're okay. I will pick apart ANYTHING over toxicity in a relationship, wherever that might come from.

I used to hate Hallmark movies, because they were predictable, unrealistic, flawed, and toxic.

But now the characters talk with each other, and they don't get in the others space without permission. If there's an accident and it does happen, it's not used as a plot device to move the relationship along. It's not treated in a "OMG hot guy is literally right in my face!!! I've only known him two minutes and I hate him, I'm in love!!"

It's more of an, "OMG I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that at all, im so sorry, I'm so sorry- *Immediately backs away*"

I can't even begin to explain how much better they are now.

To further prove my point, here are some gifs of Three Wise Men and a Baby, one of my favorite Christmas movies ever:

Just listen to this one.

It's about three brothers, one of which is a firefighter (this is important). A baby gets dropped off at the fire station, with a note. The firefighters name is on it, asking him to look after the baby until Christmas.

This is not his baby.

This IS a joke throughout the entire film.

They have no idea who dropped him off.

So they end up taking care of him for a week, and seriously bonding with him. The make his first Christmas ornament with clay, they do a holiday photo dressed to the nines.

They talk about how hard it is to actually take care of a baby, and how hard it must have been for their mom doing it alone.

Talking about how their own dad left, and finally processing that trauma together.

Their mom confesses that if she didn't have support, she may have done what the babies mother did. How she must be going through such a rough patch, and building empathy for her.

All three of the brothers go on complete cathartic emotional journeys about it, and all the other issues in their life.

I can't do it justice.

It's called Three Wise Men and A Baby. I'm begging you please go watch it, you will NOT regret it.

I CRIED SO MANY TIMES YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

I'm tearing up now just thinking about it oh my gOD-

The ending just sent it home for me, so I won't spoil anything.

Its amazing. I can't explain the whole thing, I seriously beg you please go watch it.

And, if you're more into comedy, I present to you Haul out The Holly:

A Christmas comedy starring your very own Gretchen Weiners!! Abso-fucking-lutley HILARIOUS.

It's about a woman, just broken up with her boyfriend, and coaxed into going home for the holidays. Here's where it gets interesting.

Her parents are the head of the Christmas neighborhood watch, something that has plagued her since childhood. Her childhood friend has now taken over the position, as her parent ditch her for retirement on a beach someplace, and she's left stuck, having to decorate against her will.

She wants a nap. The neighbors want her to carve ice sculptures. And her nutcracker apparently isn't up to code.

Includes: Girlboss and male wife power duo (madly in love), insane chainsaw man with way too much time on his hands, the ML an anxious wreck, and many, many, MANY MORE.

Another recent movie was built around a woman who is an astronaut (She's mixed) who was about to finally go to space (The goal shes been working on her entire life) She got into a car accident and her eyesight was impaired. She's currently grieving the loss of her dream (like, actually grieving, she took three months off-).

Her company asks her if she wants to do an exhibit in the planetarium for Christmas, that she doesn't have to, but she can if she wants to take her minds off of things. She says yes, and ends up working with the planetarium director on an exhibit about the sun and it's connection to Christmas through how people used to celebrate with the sun (I don't remember exactly, but it was explained thoroughly, and i think pagan???)

She and him don't constantly argue, or be angry at each other. They cooperate. They show genuine interest in each other. It's actually adorable, and it's also not just about them.

She meets his daughter, who is a wheelchair user. She asks why the Female lead isn't in space if she's an astronaut, and the FL tell her it's because of her eyes. The daughter tells her it's okay, because she'll never be able to go to space either, even if she wants to, but she can still enjoy it from Earth.

I'm not even doing it justice.

By the end of the movie, the FLs eye problem doesn't heal. Nothing is miraculously solved. But the ML and the FL are now dating (After the best, slow paced, healthy, communicative, collaborative bonding freaking ever-) ALL OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE FULL BLOWN EMOTIONAL JOURNEYS THAT ACTUALLY MATTER.

SHE GRIEVES.

HER BROTHER FINALLY FIGURES OUT ITS OKAY FOR HIM TO DO WHAT HE LOVES, AND THAT HE'S NOT A FAILURE FOR IT.

THE ML LET'S GO OF THINKING HES A BAD PARENT.

AND MORE.

There are soft bits, nothing is cliche, nothing is icky or gross.

It's healthy, it's cute, it's emotionally driven, I'm actually learning about things I didn't know before, and amazing.

And all the new ones are either like this or better than this. I could name over ten, but I can't even explain how good they are.

Some of the are still a little dark ages, but it's only every one out of six or seven.

Hallmark movies from 2022 and onwards are 5 star television, and you can't convince me otherwise.

[get-rammed]

Can I get an info dump about Rodney?

I know he's a bastard as well as a bit of a soft boy with a praise kink, which really intrigues me.

I will always take opportunities to spew about my silly bug boy. This is Rodney Osmund

He's a character of mine.

This is his true form, and secondary form. The humanoid one above is his tertiary form, and what I usually draw him in.

He's had many names and many lives in his history. Within the universe I've made, he's a Fiend and can die and be reborn any time Trevor dies. Trevor being one of his 3 siblings. Veronica and Caroline being the other two.

He was once a Warlord by the name of Bog Belly. A scourge upon man and Demon (Demons being an alien race by the name of Tymos who eventually just adopted the name Demons as a secondary and or primary name)

Bog Belly slaughtered thousands simply because he was born angry over and over again, and wanted to have everyone under his heels. No truama there. No reasons. Just a dick because that's his true nature. Though he was kind to his cult members, and his breeding stock.

But roughly 200 years ago, his sister Veronica defeated him in battle. Ending his reign of terror. Veronica heads a group called the Hunters. They were formed specifically to track and kill Bog Belly. After that goal was completed, they more or less ended Warlords being a problem, and now are a government body.

Veronica is the bad twin between herself and Caroline. So she saw zero issue with parading around a defeated Bog Belly. Forcing him to be an act of sorts for a few years before making him work with Colton (Trevor) to improve his morality.

When James (Trevor) picks a fight with his sister and gets all of them killed, they're reborn into their new and current lives.

Every one of Rodney's parents have always been cruel and mean to him. Forcing his nature to always be mean spirited. Except things were different this time.

Rodney's mom was endlessly patient with him, and always showed him true compassion and love. No matter what he did. Rodney is her baby boy, and he's an absolute mama's boy.

Being there for him as he spiraled into drug problems, and there when he cleaned up. He loves his mother. The first person he's ever truly loved.

So when he regained his memories and his full personality, he was far more docile than he had ever been. Not to say he's not still a bastard. He would absolutely kill you with zero hesitation and not even flinch as you cry for help.

But he's definitely trying to feel more empathy and understand what it's like to be normal. But it's a struggle for him. But he is trying.

This man needs. A lot of therapy lmao.

- He hates going to Hunter bases because he's been assaulted a number of times in a multitude of ways.

Rodney leveled a Hunter base in Ohio because of this. He's banned from the state of Ohio. Veronica covered this situation up as she understands why he did it.

She doesn't know he's still assaulted at some bases :( and he won't tell her because he doesn't believe anything will be done about it.

- Rodney can open his pupils to freeze in terror whoever looks at them, in place

- Rodney had front horns like his sister Caroline, but Trevor snapped them off in a fit of well deserved rage.

- Rodney overall is a dick (but he's trying to get better), and uses sex, various drugs, and alcohol to try and survive instead of getting therapy.

- He is taught about in schools as a part of history. People recognize him sometimes and point and talk about him. He's used to it and generally just ignores it.

- Even though he's trying to get better. If given the chance to get his power back. He would. With no hesitation.

- Rodney uses humor and acts like a dipstick so people don't expect too much from him. It upsets him a little hit to be labeled as a man whore who has no real thoughts besides memes, but he also knows it's better than the alteratives.

- Fiends have incredibly low fertility rates, but Rodney has eggs. He has roughly 100 kids, but he acknowledges none of them. "You're my son? And? I ain't got shit for you besides some protips. Get away from me or I will kill you."

- Rodney's spit is dual functional. It is both the most caustic venom known to man or Demon kind. But it also a heavy aphrodisiac. It completely depends on his mood. So it's a risk if you kiss him lmao

- He has a motorcycle and often will still ride it around

You can read more about him, his siblings, and the universe overall here. Just as a warning though. It's long lmao

[asongofstarkandtargaryen]

Let’s be honest, the reason the “progressive feminist tumblr marxist asoiaf fans who believes that 40-years-old male misogynists are woman/teenage girl coded” don’t take Robert’s misogyny seriously and even turn him into a goofy and sympathetic character is because his violence is directed at Cersei & Daenerys, the two women they hate the most and empathize with the least. And given the way Daenerys’s haters cheers on Rhaego’s death, calls him “baby H*tler”, and praises Mirri Maz Duur for violating Daenerys’s bodily autonomy, there’s no doubt that people think Robert was right in ordering her death when he learns that Daenerys is pregnant. I know these fans were giggling and kicking their feet when Robert called Daenerys a “whore”. This fandom will use leftist and woke language to justify the idea of rape and male violence as punishment for groups of women they have decided are socially acceptable/permissible to face patriarchal violence.

If his abuse were directed at ANY other women then he’d be as hated as Rhaegar, Daemon, Tyrion, etc are by the fandom. How can people hate Rhaegar for loving Lyanna but don’t find fault with Robert “loving” her ?? Robert was 21-years-old at the time. And to be clear, his abuse IS directed to other women. He habitually preys on women, even young girls. Barra’s mother is 15-years-old and Robert blames her for getting pregnant, “Barra. Is that supposed to please me ? Damn the girl. I thought she had more sense.” He has fathered and abandoned so many children. But those women won’t get empathy from the fandom because most of them are lowborn & not the highborn soft feminine type.

You would think for as much as the fandom loves Elia for instance, they’d hate the man who called her children “dragonspawn”, said “I see no babes”, and rewarded the men who raped her and murdered her and her children, but because he killed Rhaegar, abused Cersei (when they aren’t busy claiming she is making up the rapes she endured at the hands of Robert because she’s just Bertha Mason 2.0 to them), and wanted to murder Daenerys I guess it evens out.

I've noticed that some fans excuse the abuse of female antagonists (like Cersei) or female characters they dislike (like Dany). They even talk about these women "getting what they deserved" which is extremely sexist.

People who sympathize with Robert confuse me. Because the text proves time after time how much of a shitty husband/father/king he was. It's fine liking antagonists and rotten characters but I do wonder how many of those who sympathize with him recognize all his flaws...

[0rinthered]

I am so passionate about Orin, like no it isn't fair she doesn't ever get the chance and Durge doesn't help her or care after the fact. Ironically what Orin did saved everyone and got Durge freedom if they chose it. The fact that all you can really do is insult her or call her stupid besides the "you've been abused and used option" which is a high roll to even convince her is so sad. I don't like mocking her knowing the whole context and why she's doing what she is. It's not a choice really. It feels wrong to me. She's a victim of so much abuse and grooming from all these awful men. I mean Saravok is a creepy ass misogynist who r worded Orin's sister/mom and people mock her about that in way that's really messed up.

The only person who even seems to show a bit of empathy or at least understanding of her is Minthara when she is a big victim of her. Orin punishes people because she's punished by Bhaal, I saw people post the dev notes the tragic context they should have made clear in the game. That she would have even tried to resist Bhaal before and when she did she got killed for it. In a fucked up way Minthara is the closest thing to showing her "love" or at least care, like I know it's not love but just someone like not being horrible to her or looking down on her for existing. She even says they had similar situations and upbringings so you save her that kind of fate. She said she saw herself reflected in Orin broken too. Sad about all the content they didn't give us because I know they said they wanted more Orin/Minthara stuff but I think ti deserved more than a few lines.

Orin's father is literally a child r*pist and apparently has a line where he says he likes her the same way he does her mom? LIKE WTF? and wants her to make babies with durge? I don't know if it is confirmed if he assaulted her or not but he obviously would if he wanted. He shows a lot of hate like he didn't effect what happened if he's mad about what Orin did to Durge. Felt so horrible killing her in the scene after you tell her the truth because she's totally a slave in body then too. It broke my heart. I don't like that they didn't make her background more of the forefront and just let people see her as this crazy one unless you think about her or find tidbits. She felt like a throwaway to me when she's so tragic and she's just mocked and hated by everyone. I hate abused children/women being painted as "crazy psychos" to make fun of. She's severely mentally ill. Ketheric is not a more sympathetic character, he chose to do all he did. Gortash is given more dignity and choice than her. I think Ketheric and his performance are overrated honestly, he just got more screentime and got to be more fleshed out so they say he's better. That's why people go "orin is just an unhinged boring murderhobo" SHE AND AZULA DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Yeah it's pretty frustrating - a lot is implied with her but man you really have to look for it, which a lot of people don't bother to do. Orin in my opinion is the most interesting of the three.

I know the general opinion seems to sway to Ketheric, and I really like him, but I think it's pretty ah... shallow? For lack of a better word. Maybe surface level? Like it's very straight forward in my opinion, which doesn't mean it's any less than Orin or Gortash but I think it's easier to absorb if that makes sense?

Whereas with both Orin and Gortash you really need to sniff around, Orin especially. Minthara is the companion she is attached to, as Gortash is Karlach (While it seems like the only connection Ketheric has to the camp is Shadowheart, but that's through Dame Aylin and Isobel strangely enough. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. But he has an entire act to himself so...). But with Minthara, she is so so so easy to miss and thoughtlessly slaughter (ironically enough) so that's a whole bunch of Orin content absolutely nuked off of the bat.

So I suppose the bizarre pacing is to blame for Orin and Gortash kinda farting around, and Orin not being treated fairly compared to how the fandom treats durge. Again, quite "fitting" I guess. Orin doesn't get that privilege of pity and a chance at life whereas Durge gets two chances. The first being actually having a life outside of the temple, and the second being the tadpole. Why? Idk.

I don't even want a redemption for Orin. I think the choice should be there, and I think the choice should be made by her. Only her.

My ideal world would be Orin can escape, stay (what we currently have), or escape in her own little Orin way. To elaborate on that... I think Orin should be able to continue slaughtering people, but I think she should do it for herself. Not for Bhaal, not for the temple. But because SHE wants to. I do however think the ""novelty"" of that for her would vanish pretty quickly once there's no unholy purpose to it, but that's just part of the growth I guess. So she rejects Bhaal, and skitters away into the shadows. She isn't going to have a character arc in like a week and dye her hair white - despite Shadowheart and Orin's similarities - I unfortunately think it'll take a lot lot lot longer and might never happen.

Still, the main point is that she has a choice, something she has been devoid of her entire life. What she chooses to do with that is up to her and that's the beauty of it.

I could go on and on and on about it and how she should actually be given lots of choices but that would just be me rambling even more than I already am LMFAO

Anyway, Orin I love you pookie boobookeys, remember that there's more to life than pleasing someone who never seems to want to please you.

[beevean]

Thinking about it LoI's cutscene with Mathias kind of clarifies why Dracula keeps being evil even after Alucard told him of Lisa's last wish and he himself even apologizing to her for his actions.

When Leon calls him out on his bullshit claiming that Elisabetha would never approve of his actions Mathias....just ignores the question

He simply states that she was a kind woman and that's why he's pissed at God and then proceeds to ask Leon "Hey you would've done the same don't judge me"

But inadvertently he kind of answers Leon's question by claiming that Elisabetha was kind which means that, on some level, he knows that what he's doing would disgust her yet he represses that truth so that he can keep walloing in hatred.

Dracula knows that Lisa would hate him for his actions yet he keeps doing them because he can't let go of hatred. When he apologizes to her it's probably not just for what he's done already but for not being able to meet her wish in general

Similarily, in DoS, Soma knows full well that giving up to his dark self would be awful yet he tries to go along with Celia's plan anyway upon thinking Mina died, even apologizing to her for what he's about to do

Yep! Dracula is a selfish bastard. He claims to love his wives, and yes he certainly saw something in them and was fond of them... but he didn't actually care enough to put their wishes above his own.

That scene with Mathias himself is also very telling. My man just finished confessing to having ruined Leon's life, to having used him and Sara for the sake of his plan, and then he offers Leon to join him in immortality and pulls a surprisedpikachuface.jpg when Leon understandably tells him to go fuck himself. He's been swallowed by his rage against God for "taking Elisabetha away from him", he appeals to Leon's grief by saying "after what you've been through, you should know" probably expecting him to renounce God as well, but didn't expect that he would feel the same towards Mathias for pretty much doing the same thing. The lack of empathy is astounding.

"Elisabetha was a kind, honorable woman. She was concerned only for me to the very end… That is why I hate Him! Am I wrong?!" You can nearly see Mathias starting to think "huh, yeah, my wife was a good woman, she'd probably be concerned for me for what I'm doing"... until he retreats in his anger again and chooses to blame God once again. I mean, he just ruined so many people's lives and absorbed Walter's soul to become a vampire, a little too late to accept that he fucked up.

And this is baby Dracula. It's easy to imagine that, by the time of SoTN, sunk cost fallacy more than applies. He died and got resurrected so many times, he killed so many people, he spread so much misery... and for what? For him to realize that his loved women would hate him? No, he can't go back now.

As for DoS, the line "If it means getting Mina's revenge, I'll do it. Make me the dark lord" really hurt the first time I played :( all this time spent rejecting his fate, and he's aware that he'll lose himself and become the sworn enemy of his friends... but he just has enough of seeing his loved ones die. celia is so fucking dumb

Needless to say, NFCV barely touches this point, despite the whole "appeal" of N!Dracula being that it expands upon his grief. S2, through Godbrand and Carmilla, insists on the point that Dracula's plan was stupid, that he won't think about how vampires will feed, that he only wants to die, and why didn't he just turn Lisa into a vampire, but IIRC no one among the heroes (and yes I'm talking about Alucard in particular) points out his sheer hypocrisy and lack of respect towards the woman he's supposed to love.

(although, to be fair, I love the line "Kill for the endless lifetime of hate before me". He also knew that he would never recover from his rage. until he did but shhh)

[talentforlying]

@normaltothemax: ♬♬ — SONGS I LOVE

a pain that i'm used to - depeche mode! i am a HUGE depeche mode fan, they're one of my top ten bands, and this one is so much fun to sing! the dynamic shifts between the sirens and the verses + the low steady vocals both give off a very ominous, hypnotic vibe that i think fits constantine's aura of both overwhelming danger and magnetism. the lyrics also sit in a very late-hellblazer place for me, when he's exhausted and angry and just drifting aimlessly on the synchronicity highway from one catastrophe to the next without being able to really feel anything other than apathy towards the fact that he's going to have to solve somebody else's problem. he very much loses himself after his sister dies; he finds a pain that he's used to in direct, seething hate with his name stamped on the label, not oblique calls to destiny that may or may not end in tears, and late hellblazer has him almost craving someone to despise him, just so he knows where he stands.

i'm not sure what i'm looking for anymore / i just know that I'm harder to console / i don't see who i'm trying to be instead of me / but the key is a question of control

also, the song speaks to the fact that a lot of the shit he pulls and the emotions he shows are truly who he is, not always just a con; he wears masks on masks, but there's a lot fewer there than people think. at his core, constantine is driven by deep compassion and burning empathy, he just has to conceal it a lot in order to protect the people he cares about:

i can't conceal what i feel, what i know is real / no mistaking the faking, i care

welcome to the family - avenged sevenfold! this song has been my baby since i wrote gabriel in the supernatural fandom back in middle school lmao, it's my personal patron saint of lost souls and rebellious sons. unlike with gabriel, though, i like to think of this song as the wall that constantine is always shoving against, the manifestation of his opposition: "it seems there's no one to call," "you can't win this fight," these are the fleeting moments of despair before he buckles down, battens down all the vulnerable places, hammers back the doubts, and gets to fucking work. this song is his subconscious wailing at him while he steadfastly ignores it and pushes through, never mind the burnout that will be waiting for him on the other side, never mind how much it costs him. this is what's left of his dad whispering in his ear, his inner monologue, the person he's afraid he'll one day become, and it's an unavoidable part of his subconscious that he has to drag himself past every day of his life.

i see you're a king who's been dethroned / cast out in a world you've never know / stand down, place your weapon by your side / it's our war in the end, we'll surely lose but that's alright / so have you figured it out now, so have you figured it out?

+ 2 songs: for lucy, werewolf heart - dead man's bones has such a kid antichrist vibe to me, and even the title alone makes me think of how his powers manifest at night and kind of lock him away, like a miniature werewolf transformation, and how arthur and john are scrambling to find solutions for him so he doesn't have to become something he doesn't want to be.

'cause if the full moon comes, our love is done / so forever, towards dawn, we run

and for jake, fight - the dirty youth feels like the cage match energy constantine would bet money on. it has the vibe of someone who's kind of bound up in fate to be a brawler, to take the hits that other people won't, until the closest thing you know to a release is that angry energy, which feels very jake to me.

don't wanna go there, i've had a late night / i'm feeling nauseous, chemicals enter my brain / i'm a control freak, an internet geek / i get these cravings, to get out and escape you know that it's fate, and now you can't see / you lose your conscience, and break the silence / the script is written, it's complicated / oh, something's about to erupt

[the-whispers-of-death]

i know i write my ocs in these asks as silly goofy but i lowkey gloss over the fact that they can be lowkey highkey evil. for one they're mercenaries so being good people isn't really on the agenda. and considering what kind of man commander was anything other than insanity and cruelty and efficiency matters little. now im gonna talk about each ocs individually and how they can be evil.

Boss: runs the entire group since commander died. has Romanas attached to him which gives him even more power over subgroups like Observation. was in the commanders inner circle just not as malicious as anyone else so that makes him powerful and influential. was he not naturally mild mannered he could be the next new version of commander. has full capacity to be like commander and worse but doesn't want to.

Johan: obvious on this one. little to no morals. did human experimentation. anything in pursuit of knowledge. has no qualms with not being gentle with patients. will gut people for amusement. casually violent just like the rest of them. was he not under contract/watch he would go full evil scientist.

Hazzard: literally wants all of humanity dead. joined the group just so he could kill as many and as quick as possible. regularly cooks up dangerous and lethal chemicals in the hopes of using them. would poison the water supply of whatever base he's in if someone looked at him wrong. very low empathy. still has trouble seeing humans as anything other than cattle and obstacles.

Void: despite me portraying him as baby he's a trained assassin and takes childish joy from stalking his victims and making them paranoid. he doesn't hate often but when he does he does it with a passion. the only thing you'll see is a pair of dark red eyes before a knife embeds itself into your throat. he doesn't have any qualms with killing people as long as the money's good. he's one of the best at gathering intel and he'll know things not even his victims themselves know and use that knowledge to blackmail and manipulate.

Vaccine and Dartboard: literal cannibals. malicious in both the way they fight and their pranks unless you're a "friend". fighting them is like being ran down by a pack of hyenas. the last thing you hear is cruel laughter before you feel teeth dig into your flesh. have eaten people alive. play with corpses and have used a head to play kickball after a mission.

Vendetta: will kill anyone anytime. no hesitation. has little to no attachment (haven't fleshed them out much so not much to say)

Otto: destructive pyromaniac. no regard to the damage his explosives do. believes in "the beauty of combustion". wants to make a nuke just to see if he can. blew himself up and learned nothing so blowing up others is no biggie.

Selga: little to no concept of wrong and right. his "morals" are whatever his team says they should be. has eaten enemies alive. has crushed peoples heads while they were still alive. can and will kill on command with no regard for himself. will stab his claws through people to get them to spill intel. little to no empathy.

Romanas: in reality has more power than Boss but doesn't care for a leadership role. can be highly manipulative and malicious. flip flops between high empathy and no empathy. can be very cruel in his interrogation methods, nothing is off the table. has full power over both Selga and Vaccine and Dartboard. some terrorists refuse to go anywhere near him. would torture for own amusement.

they are happy silly so let's hope nothing pushes them into being what they could be.

there's nothing on Diana because she's a good child mwah mwah

Sometimes OCs have evil sides, doesn't mean we can't still love them.

[papercherries]

I've been having strange nightmares recently. I've always been cursed with them, runs in my family. My sister takes medication for hers. My mum believes it's because we can commune with the dead, mediums. I think it's because we all have genetic bipolar disorder and/or crippling depression. We don't talk about this though. We don't talk about anything sensitive. It might be because we are incapable. We all silently know what we all are. Besides me but that's because they haven't found out about my outbursts and my depression. They think I'm just autistic and bisexual. They don't know about the depression, violence, bipolar, therapy, alcoholism (though they must have an inkling of that one) and being gender queer (though they probably have reservations about that as well). We're all fucked up and we continue to fuck up whoever's next.

I don't say this because I hate my family. I do love my family, though it is mostly due to the fact they are my family. I'm very independent, physically and emotionally. I'm always broke but I'm a scrounger. I refuse to ask for money, unless I am truly and utterly desperate. Plus my family doesn't have any money to begin with.

My sister has recently had a baby. I can't stand children and for a long while I couldn't stand my sister. (For context, I have two sisters. One older and one younger). After my mum cheated on my dad and left us, she took up a lot of the "maternal responsibility". The issue was, she had no reason to do this. She would disagree, but I was old enough to do my own stuff and so was my younger sister. She took on way too much responsibility, not to mention her workaholic nature. Her mode of existence truly depresses me. She is incredibly smart, yet I have never met such a fool in my life. I don't mean it in the "smart person has no common sense" sense. I mean it in squandered potential, she could've had a life. Got out of that shithole of a town, (our shithole of a town) she could've experienced the world. However, she has now chose to settle, with someone she will divorce/break up with in a matter of less than a decade. (If they make it further than that though, I'll be genuinely impressed). Because, whilst I believe that a relationship can flower and bloom despite political beliefs. She is a steadfast feminist, not a ground-breaking one mind you but a supporter of the women's liberation movement and the procurement of women's rights in general. Her fiancé is a military man trump supporter. His achievements in the military are impressive, I'll give him that. But it's impressive in the same way that a punching bag can only take so many punches. He is strangely timid and shy. He is also an idiot. You could replace him with any fool. I hear he's quite good at chess though. I've been advised not to get into political conversation with him. My dad said I'd "wipe the floor with him". Which I'm not sure how to take as I believe political discussion should be lead with empathy in mind. The feeling for your fellow human, the replacement of numbers with faces. Does he truly not understand what he stands for politically? Follow masked men with faceless crowds?

The point being, this baby is being birthed into this incredibly complex situation. It will grow around this mangled set of people with destroyed brains and warped ideas. Is it up to me as a human being to teach this child about different perspectives? Am I the queer relative that has to be awkwardly explained about? We haven't had that yet. Must I teach this child about media literacy and how to truly enjoy life? Or do I only feel this responsibility because I know the environment to which it will grow. I know it is cruel and callous. I hope it is different, because my mind is just as warped as theirs, if not more. We have no scale. It is incredibly scary, I won't be around to do it anyway. I always have to be away, I can't deal with that town for more than a couple days anymore. It was once hell, I now see faces I used to know wandering the streets. People who went away, failed and came back. I refuse. I cannot commit to such a thing. I will fail. It is certain. But I will not return, I will scrounge and steal till my last breath. But it will not be on those spiked streets, where the local government is stealing and thieving. With no help from the major government as they continue building their concrete, brutalist jungles.

I hope the child at least misses out on the nightmares. It seems like a thing only me and my younger sister get but I don't know my older sister well enough to have that information. I got used to mine, my sister clearly didn't. I'm not sure my sister sees things though. I imagine she does sometimes but I dare not ask her. I'd sound crazy, "hey, do you have hallucinations as well! No way! Must be a genetic thing". My most recent nightmare was quite silly, I was at a music festival. The whole crowd got up on stage to dance and sing with the performers. Afterwards, I went and sat on a hill. As I left, a guy who was sat next to me tried to mug me. I woke up, laughed cause I had got a text saying I'd entered my overdraft. and went back to sleep.

There's always periods where I have strange and vivid dreams. There's usually a theme, this weak they're nightmares. Next week they could be otherworldly sexual fantasies. Though I never hallucinate anything other than ominous things. Dark figures and haunting sounds. Though, there is one sound that I hear everywhere. A small bell. This one has nothing to do with horror but rather conditioning. I had a cat in my hometown (she's still my little baby) and she used to wear a collar with a bell. I'd always hear it and it always would set me off. It's the same reason I'm a heavy sleeper, till I hear the meow of a cat. Then I'm up immediately. It's like a babies cry to me. However, the bells have gotten worse after Christmas. This is due to me getting a cat for where I currently live. A lovely little black kitten, fitted with a red collar and bell. Mostly because you can't see her in the dark so it's best to be able to hear her. My dad's girlfriend had slippers with bells on them and every time she'd walk or even nudge her feet. I'd hear a bell and my head would snap to wherever it came from. It was almost instinctual.

Anyway, my film rant and emotional rant are done for the day. I am tired. It is past my bedtime. I must sleep, though it's not my fault the clocks went forward an hour.

[universitypenguin]

Oooh! A Jake centric chapter? I love it! 💕

He had already pried open several oysters to dig out the pearls that currently sat in his satchel, and he had even found a perfect conch that he was saving for a later time.

Aw… he’s so cute! 😍

But when he had handed them to Mandy, a proud smile on his face, she had laughed at him.

That bitch. Ick. Disgusting, horrible… Mandy is cancelled. 😡

Didn’t have a great first impression of her and now I’m done. President of the “We Hate Mandy Club” right here!🙅🏼‍♀️

What if you also thought the shells and pearls were stupid? What if you didn’t like them? What if you just threw them back into the sea?

What if you laughed at them?

This, this right here! This is why Mandy is cancelled. Jake deserves better 😠

He wasn’t sure how much his friend had meant those words.

TBH, neither am I. Also, what are “true mates?” I’m intrigued!

He could smell how your scent had changed since he placed it there. It was still sweet, a pleasant mix of sunshine and something floral, but now there was a hint of him added to it that gave it a certain spiceness. Jake practically purred at the thought of that change being permanent.

He does have extra powers! Called it! He’s also giving me vampire vibes right now with the whole ‘scent’ business. It’s serving Edward Cullen energy, which works for me because I loved those books. (The first three books, at least, just to be clear. Breaking Dawn was unnecessary. S.M. should’ve bitten the bullet and killed her darlings but instead we got baby Remdesivir… 🙄🥴)

God, he wanted to hold you.

*swoon* I want that for them, too.

Jake felt a tinge of annoyance when you called for another man to come see the gifts that he had brought for you, and it only deepened as he watched the other man crouch down beside you. You held the shells out to Bob, and Jake almost saw red, but stopped at your next words.

Ooohh…😏 monster!Jake is serving jealous mating heat energy and I am here for it.

“Aren’t these amazing?”

Pride swelled within him as he took in your excitement. It had been him. Him and no one else that had made you so happy. His cheeks started to ache from how hard he was smiling.

Good 😊 This is the reaction she’s supposed to have to your gifts if she’s really the one. Don’t tolerate anything less Jake.

Mandy is toxic.

No, he and the others would have to ease you into the idea of it all first, or risk scaring you off.

Uh… yeah, about that. They’re not doing a great job at that. In fact they’re almost doing the exact opposite. 😐

For the first time in a long time, Jake felt true happiness.

*Squeals* *kicks feet in the air* yes! 🙌🏻

I’m so happy that he’s happy! 😃 Let’s tell Mandy to go kick rocks and have these two ride off into the sunset.

Except for that tiny little issue of the dead body and the FBI being in town. You’ve done a great job at setting up the conflict and raising the stakes by making me care about Jake’s emotions. I definitely felt a sense of empathy with him, especially in regard to Mandy treating him like crap.

But even with all my excitement for Jake’s opening move being well-received, I’ve not forgotten about the dead body or the police drama playing out in town.

Meet Me at the Sea: Chapter Three and a Half

Meet Me at the Sea: Chapter Three and a Half

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Your best friend, Bob Floyd, had insisted you join him for the summer at his family's home along the Carolina coasts. You had been hesitant at first, but ultimately agreed to his request. Now, here you were in a new town with strange locals who spoke in hushed whispers and cryptic retellings about glistening scales, glowing eyes, and haunting songs that echoed from the sea. You didn't believe them at first, but when you wake up on the beach one morning after having fallen overboard the night before, you can't help but think that maybe you hadn't imagine the strong arms and deep, green eyes of the man that had saved you.

Trigger Warnings: Mermaids and fluff with a hint of angst.

Word Count: 1,509

A/N: I've decided to count this as it's own little mini-chapter because it's too long to be a blurb lol So we're going to call it Chapter Three and a Half! If you're feeling kind/generous, please consider buying me a ko-fi! Also, if you DO NOT fill out the form below (Tag List) then you will not be tagged! I will be referring to that Google form from now on! As always, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! Asks/requests are always open! 18+ ONLY!! You can find me on AO3 under sailor_aviator where I also post my updates!

Series Masterlist || Jake "Hangman" Seresin Tag List

The water was cool against Jake’s skin, the pleasant stillness of the ocean wrapping around him as he scoured the floor for the perfect items. A woven bag hung off his shoulder, floating up and away from his body as he moved through the water. The smaller fish darted away from him as he passed, the bigger ones eyeing him suspiciously. Jake paid them no mind, too focused on the task at hand.

He had already pried open several oysters to dig out the pearls that currently sat in his satchel, and he had even found a perfect conch that he was saving for a later time. He didn’t want to start off too showy in case you would find that distasteful. Besides, the thought of actually being able to hand you the conch shell put a smile on his face. No, for now he would settle for the pearls combined with the calico and whelk shells. He just hoped that he wasn’t veering too far in the opposite direction that he came off as not caring. Because he did. He cared a lot about what you thought.

Impressing and talking to girls had always come easy to Jake, but that was probably because he knew that he would more than likely end up with Mandy. Mandy wasn’t a horrible choice, quite the opposite in fact, but Jake always felt like there was something out there waiting for him. Now he knew why. Now he had another option. Now…now he felt the pressure most everyone else felt when it came to a significant other. He wanted things to be perfect for you, and now that he thought back to the shells in his satchel, he frowned.

He had gotten Mandy some shells once, back when they had first presented. He had wanted to make an effort for her, so sixteen year old Jake Seresin had spend hours at the bottom of the ocean floor picking out what he thought were the perfect gifts for his supposed betrothed.

But when he had handed them to Mandy, a proud smile on his face, she had laughed at him.

“Jake, be serious,” she had giggled, eyeing the shells in her hands. Jake’s smile had dropped, staring at her. “I’m not interested in stupid, old customs like this. If you’re going to get me something, get me something that matters.”

Jake had laughed it off at the time, but the sting of those words still hung over his head, and he paused on top of some coral as he thought about what it was he was doing.

What if you also thought the shells and pearls were stupid? What if you didn’t like them? What if you just threw them back into the sea?

What if you laughed at them?

Jake wasn’t sure he could take that kind of rejection from you. He was sure it would destroy him, in fact.

But then he thought back to how shyly you had looked at him when he had introduced himself to you, and he knew that you would never do that. Not to his face, anyway.

So he made his way towards the surface, looking for the shadow of the Floyd’s boat. He knew that’s where you’d be after the little confrontation with his friends earlier, and his temper flared at the thought of Bradley’s words.

“Figure your shit out with Mandy. If you don’t, then Skipper is fair game.”

He wasn’t sure how much his friend had meant those words. True mates were sacred, after all, but Bradley was as stubborn as they came. So Jake wasn’t too keen on taking any chances.

He spotted the silhouette of the boat rocking with the waves, and he quickly made his way towards it. He popped his head above the water, making sure to stay out of sight from the three people on board. Peering over the ledge at the back of the boat, he saw Walter and Bob engrossed in their fishing, and his eyes drifted down to where you lay on the wood of the deck, arms crossed beneath your head and one leg bent while the other stretched out. Jake stared at you, like he was under some kind of trance. You were beautiful, he knew that of course, but every time he saw you, it hit him just as hard as it did the first time. He hoped that a day never came where the breath wasn’t knocked out of him at the sight of you.

He took in the mark on your neck - his mark. It glimmered in the fading sunlight, a notice to all those that looked upon it that you were spoken for and that anyone who tried otherwise would have to deal with him. He could smell how your scent had changed since he placed it there. It was still sweet, a pleasant mix of sunshine and something floral, but now there was a hint of him added to it that gave it a certain spiceness. Jake practically purred at the thought of that change being permanent.

Your chest rose and fell softly as you basked in the summer sun, the beams beginning to lessen as it sank towards the horizon. You let out a contented hum in your sleep, mouth twitching up into a short-lived smile before evening out again. God, he wanted to hold you.

Jake smiled softly as you stirred from your nap, curling your other leg up as you stretched your arms out. He smiled softly at the way your own lips curled into a lazy smile, arching your back as you sat up. Ducking when you moved to stand, he could hear the sound of your conversations with Bob and Walter.

He knew he should be getting back to shore. He had made plans to meet with Mandy, to tell her that the future she had envisioned for the two of them would now only include her. He dreaded her reaction.

Jake heard footsteps approach the ledge, and he quickly moved around to the side of the boat, peeking around the corner as he saw you come into view. He watched as you stopped, spotting the gifts he had left for you, crouching down to get a better look. A smile twitched on his lips as he saw a spark of excitement alight in your eyes.

“Bob, come look at this!” You hollered over your shoulder, never taking your eyes off the shells you held in your hands. Jake felt a tinge of annoyance when you called for another man to come see the gifts that he had brought for you, and it only deepened as he watched the other man crouch down beside you. You held the shells out to Bob, and Jake almost saw red, but stopped at your next words.

“Aren’t these amazing?”

Pride swelled within him as he took in your excitement. It had been him. Him and no one else that had made you so happy. His cheeks started to ache from how hard he was smiling.

“These are some of the best specimens I’ve ever seen! And look at all of these pearls!”

Jake had taken a gamble at starting off with the less impressive finds, and his fingers itched at the prospect of seeing your reaction to the grander gifts he had already collected.

You stretched your hand out to show Bob the pearls you held in your hand, and the bespectacled man peered down at them with a frown.

“These are beautiful, aren’t they?” You all but whispered, staring at the orbs with a twinkle in your eye, a smile dancing on your lips.

Jake ducked under the surface, knowing that if he didn’t leave then, that he would risk exposing himself. He would when the time was right, but Jake knew that he was in a precarious situation.

You weren’t from North Island, and you had no idea that creatures like him even existed. The shock would be too much right now. No, he and the others would have to ease you into the idea of it all first, or risk scaring you off. He couldn’t bank on the bond keeping you there with him if he revealed the truth to you now, and the thought of you rejecting him? Seeing him as a monster? No, he couldn’t afford to think about that.

Instead, he thought about how you smiled at his gifts, cradling them so gently in your small hands. Yeah, his cheeks were definitely aching with how hard he was smiling. A song burst from his lips, echoing far and wide, one he was sure would be heard by almost everyone. He didn’t care, though. He didn’t care that he was about to go and endure Mandy’s wrath. He didn’t care that you hadn’t fully accepted him yet. He didn’t care about any of it. For the first time in a long time, Jake felt true happiness.

He wanted to hold onto the feeling for the rest of his life.

Tag List: @jakeseresinlover @haley-hotchner @queerqueenlynn @dempy @fanficfandomlove @aworldwideapart @stoptaking-the-good-names @maximus890 @sky2nd @devil-angel-winchester @hopip99 @hookslove1592 @lemmons1998 @yuckosworld @uniquedreamlandcheesecake @imamomof8 @pietrothemovie @kmc1989 @mayhemmanaged @imnotcreativeenoughforthisblog @deliriousfangirl61 @hangmandruigandmav @na-ta-sh-aa @witchybabel @keyrani @i-wanna-be-your-muse @buckysteveloki-me @clancycucumber230 @dreamlandcreations @emotionallysalty @fandom-life-12 @a-girl-who-loves-disney @nouis-bum @topherwrites @squeaky-bumblbee22 @crybaby-21 @goldenseresinretriever

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - I’m All Over The Place & Sarcastic About It

Nov 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) 13 of 14 - Cake is such a bratty seme. And we got incandescently happy boyfriends for half an episode, and then Earth gets to cry. Earth always cries. Good thing he’s pretty at it. I do actually like the noona romance. Sometimes even the hets get to me. Because I'm a sap. And I love a pining younger man. I actually really really loved the bit at the end with the two mothers. It’s really rare to see that level of older adult character representation and close female friendship in a BL.

Big Dragon (Sat Gaga) 5 of 8 - Oh, I knew this was going to get rough but I didn’t think they would actually fist fight. It’s interesting that this one is up against Falanruk, because I hated the two player system in that one, but I’m fine with it in this show. There’s a touch of TharnType or maybe more KinnPorsche with Mangkorn & Yai, that they pivot so quickly from violence to sex, hate to passion. Real enemies to lovers with all that bottled up passion destined to explode one way or the other. The sex in this show is similarly treated as a kind of violence, in a kinky way. Also it’s v high heat. But from a romance thread standpoint? The way these two are dodging about each other is just frustrating. Also... NO SINGING! 

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 6 of 10 - Baby’s first jealousy. But omg is this show slow. I think it’s fair for Ai to want Nhai to actually say something positive about their relationship. I like that these 2 talk fully about sex before having it. And now it’s a secret relationship. (I do keep imagining what Mike & TT would have done with these roles.) Oh HI Games! (Second Chance). Cutie! This sudden side dish is v good, gimme MOAR? CRUMBS. @heretherebedork​ CRUMBS! 

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Weds YouTube) 5 of 8 - Wait, who are these girls allasudden? I guess they are Kewin’s fag hags? I suppose every good gay does need a coven? Especially if ghosts are involved.

Makes me wonder who I’d draft for my BL coven... hum. I sense a meme coming on.

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 4 of 12 - Mean’s wig is so terrible. Yes, I realize that’s intentional. But still, too distracting. Props shouldn’t be required to do your comedic acting for you, honey. I really do like the actor who plays Champ, and I really want him to lead out his own BL. (If he wants to of course.) I’m so glad JaFirst are finally occupying the screen together. They’re just that much better when they’re TOGETHER. 

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) 12 of 13 These two do heat so well. Ugh but the dairy reading “reconciliation” scene was truly gross. This show. Why is the villian the seme? Look, sorry Thailand, Japan can do this, you just... can’t. It’s clumsy and makes anyone with half an empathy uncomfortable. - DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE.

Hard Love Mission (Sat WeTV) 3 of 4fin - Phenomenally dull Thai pulp about a journalist sent to interview a celebrity who ends up his manager, only 4 episodes and it still could’ve been shorter. It’s a bummer, the concept wasn’t bad. ALSO Chinese censorship got its gross mitts all over it (thank you, Tencent). Do not waste your time. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING AND NEITHER DOES IT 3/10 

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) 7fin - Just lovely, all the hets are getting married! How rare and special of them. How lucky they are. But I have no idea what’s going on with our leads. It’s very Romeo & Romeo allasudden. And the grandpa is v confusingly evil. Great chemistry, but like Check Out, just a terrible story and an ultimately unfathomable BL. 4/10 FATALLY FLAWED

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 5 of 12 - These leads! Best example of the pillow clutch trope ever? I think so. World’s most gentle flirts. Seriously: The Ache. We dealing with some serious abandonment issues. Meanwhile, in the land of May/December, baby boy kabedon is my kryptonite! (Also the name of my indie band’s first single.) I identify WAY too much with the bartender character. He pretty much opens his mouth and says what I’m thinking 90% of the time. 

“Someone’s lack of defenses can be so overwhelming.” - Best BL quote of 2022? May be. 

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 3-4 of 10 - postponed until next week. Read about why here. 

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Thurs Viki) 7-8fin. Ah regrets after a drunken gay pass. Also: killer confrontation confession scene with them both so torn and confused and hurt and unsure! Brilliant. It’s so cute after, with them soft & cute with each other as experimental bfs. JaeYun having fangirls was adorbs, and HoJoon dealing with the resulting jealousy was fun to watch. Also HoJoon is so gone and so inept and uncool about it. And then JaeYoon learns who HoJoon really is. Man this show moves FAST. Ah KBL. I wish we had more time with these characters. I would have liked sweet bfs for longer. And Holland is back, such an adorable plot device. Hi, cutie! The reconciliation/confession was good. How much do I love that the final make-out scene was precipitated by the eroticism of informal language? SO MUCH. V linguistically sexy. FInal review below. 

Kabe Koji (Japan Mon Viki) 5 of 10 - This is going to be weird sounding coming from me but I think what I’ve decided that this show is just too much manga. Not yaoi per say but MANGA. Like, aggressively MANGA. I was thinking as I watched, “This singing group is comically bad.” Then I realized, “Oh that’s intentional, like the credit sequences for ABL - they are meant to be.” And then I realized: Every part of this show is a parody. Not the same as ABLon the whole, but similar in its components: The idol group is a parody of all idol groups. The high school drama is a parody of all high school dramas. The otaku mangaka is a parody of all otaku mangaka. The yaoi is a parody of all yaoi. And the BL of all BL. In the end, this entire show is just Japan messing with us. And frankly I’m beginning to enjoy it for that when I actually dont’ enjoy it as a BL at all. Again, like ABL.  

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga) 3 of 8 - I do enjoy the credit music on this one. Backstory ep: so we get to watch them fall in love. Goodie. Pain for all! Or more, watch Mitchan fall and be confused, since Koichi is already utterly gone. Argh! Why does Japan always spend its best pennies on pain? A truly glorious confession scene, and then... a dead fish kiss. For which I’m actually strangely grateful. Frankly, if they also managed the physical chemistry in this show, it’d totally destroy me. This way I’m going to be only mildly destroyed. *whimper* 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

My Roommate 32 eps of 2 minutes each + terrible production values? - I’m not bothering.

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 12 eps - I cut my losses at ep 5. DNF

To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai 28 eps - dito

2 Moons 3 Thai (Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

SELF (Thurs YT) - DNF

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) 1of ? - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising and stuff going on. Thinking I’ll wait and binge.

In Case You Missed It

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korea Viki) quick pitch:

This is a solid little office set KBL about a rich kid who ends up both the boss and tenant of a total sweetheart cutie, and falls madly in love with him. Although the show suffered from KBL’s shorter length, I love the kissable lips pair, they deliver solid all round chemistry despite limited screen time, which is rare from Korea. So I hope they stay branded and we get even more from them in the future. Ultimately I recommend this show, a solid  8/10.

If Japan didn’t dominate the office BL niche with shows like Cherry Magic and Old Fashion Cupcake this BL probably would get higher marks for me. But it’s a difficult hill to climb (although I’m delighted to see Korea try). Even though Japan and Korea often give us the same length shows, I feel the brevity in the Korean stuff in a way that I don’t with the Japanese stuff. Frankly I think it’s Japan’s sophisticated cinematography facilitating the complexity required by shortness (what’s left out has to be implied by the lens and the acting) where Korea’s more commercial and simplistic style (which works great in longer Kdramas or something like Light On Me) falls short (pun intended) with their short KBLs. 

OH, and here’s a special extra extended kissing scene for this pair, just for extra proof on chemistry. 

I’m finishing up my UWMA rewatch today.

Gossip

Much anticipated office set Thai GL GAP the series will have 12 eps and will premier on Nov 19 on Idolfactory’s (SCOY) official youtube channel. Go subscribe, now. Trailer here. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

TOMORROW! Between Us (Sun iQIYI & YouTube?) - trailer here 

Tuesday: I Will Knock You (Tues Gaga) - Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy + younger seme pairing.

LITA & 12% finish. 

Nov 2022 line up:

Nov 18: I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) A college kid & tutor confronts the leader of a gang who then turns out to be his next student. Bad boy/good boy + sunshine/grumpy, + younger seme pairing, bully romance?. Adapted from korean_rabbit's y-novel of the same name, directed by Champ (2gether).

Nov 19: GAP the series (Sat YT) - 12 ep office set GL from Thailand. 

Nov 26: 609 Bedtime Story (?? WeTV) - another OhmFluke vehicle that’s rumored to be a good story. A one night stand leads to a series of mysterious premonitions and a possible parallel universe. 

Nov ??: My School President (?? GMMTV YT) initial trailer here - it’s Love Sick + Korea & Japan's influence. 

This week’s best moments?

That’s one way of putting it honey. (Tooth) 

Baby’s first kabedon! (Tooth)

Meanwhile, in the land of Big Dragon, they trying on Taiwan for size (that’s what he said). 

The mosquito trope returns with a vengeance this week! 

Is it a WinTeam foreshadow from the whole Thai BL industry? 

Might be! 

TOMORROW!

Rise up broccoli nation! 

This weeks earworm: Kang Daniel’s Parade 

(last week) 

[satoru-is-the-way]

Marc Spector x Avatar! Reader x Steven Grant

𝓜𝓻 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓶𝓪𝓷

ᵖᵃʳᵗ 2

Part 1:

𝑨/𝒏: UPDATES EVERY FRIDAY. Most likely a 7 part series.

......... Hello everyone! I am here bringing you Part 2 of my story 𝓜𝓻 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓶𝓪𝓷. I still am not certain exactly how many parts, most like 6 if things continue going well! I thank everyone for the likes and reblogs 😩😩. Most importantly they will be weekly updates on this series. Once a week on Friday. Gives me time to write and incorporate that week's episode in some way! Ahhh. 

Tags:

@/pteridopsidaissues

𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: EPISODE 1 and 2 SPOILERS! Curing (a lot lol), (some)Violence, (some) Blood, , Alcoholism, Mentions of Cheating, STEAMY MAKE OUT. Marc and Steven with only boxers.

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: You are the avatar for Anubis the Egyptian God of death. Both your god and Konshu, God of the Moon, have a similar goal in mind. Find Ammit's tomb before Arthur Harrow. You journey to London searching for Marc Spector (Moon Knight). Not only do you find Marc but discover there is more than one side to him.

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 3,053

London was busy even during a non-rush hour, typical. (Y/n) and Marc still managed to snag a trolly. He explained their situation including that Steven had been left in the dark for many years. She merely listened to Marc talk, storing everything he said as gospel. (Y/n) is known as a judgmental person, not about this. Her empathy not only fell on Marc but poor Steven who is on the verge of mentally breaking. Marc said Steven knew nothing about his agreement with Konshu. Plus Marc convinced Konshu not to harm Steven. (Y/n) felt identical annoying examples where Anubis told her how it would go and by now, she knew not to question her master.

  “After all these years Steven has fought me. A wall built up despite everything he-...Never fought back THIS hard. I don’t understand why.” Marc’s tone sounds more vulnerable and just as confused when Steven would ramble. “He sorta knows I am here then continues to deny it, us. Konshu is not a big help either.” He grumbles, dark brown eyes rolling over (Y/n)’s features. 

The female stayed quiet most of their ride letting him vent. After all, this woman vexed him, stubborn, hot-headed, independent, and bossy as fuck. It reminded Marc too much of himself. He never met anyone who flat out did not listen to orders he gave. (Y/n) is smart, funny, and could match anyone's attitude. From day one he denied feelings for her. Marc's mind fought against him as he craved this woman in so many imaginative ways. Just one feel of her lump red lips would be enough. A light cocky smirk crossed his face, “I must ask, if you recall, not long ago mentioned me being handsome, correct?” He asked, (Y/n) groaned regretting such a comment about the arrogant male. No reason to withhold, (Y/n) nods in agreement. “Ah perfect, on a scale of 1 to 10 how handsome am I? Do not be shy, love, I know how good I look.” Marc adds, licking his lips. 

(Y/n) glared in his direction he cornered the woman in a question she rather not answer. Day and night she thought of Marc even if they fight like an ‘old married couple’ Anubis said. He may have looks…oh God this man is hot. Funny enough her thoughts for once matched Marc, he was too much like her, which is not a good thing when (Y/) hates herself.  “Hmph, I only said that because I knew your arrogant ass would respond. If you want me to answer I can. You will not like my honesty, baby.” The female turned, getting a better look at Marc, pretending to carefully study him.

“Darling I might have to charge you if you look any longer.” He whispers moving closer brushing a few (h/c) locks back. A husky Chicago accent purred into (Y/n)'s ear. She pouts and slightly turned pink around her cheeks.

“I might buy depending on your prices…I would rate you a 3.6 out of 10. Steven is a 10 out of 10 easily.” She looked innocently. Marc knew she was far, VERY, very far from innocent. He gave an offended look over her rating. “I can explain. It’s just Steven is hot, you are only handsome.” 

“I-I will pretend not to be hurt, love. I am surprised by your rating being low. How is Steven a 10?! Maybe a 2 and that’s being nice we share the same body woman!”

“Perhaps your body is identical… you know, personality matters. Steven is a pleasure to be around. You are just annoying, and that's being nice~" The woman chuckled until Marc grew stiff. Head tilting back and eyes rolled violently, "Steven?" 

Steven looked frantic, panicking, and glanced around, unable to focus on anything a mess inside his head. Chattering incoherent words eyes surveying the entire trolley. Everything was sudden, loud, and unfamiliar. (Y/n) quickly intervened cupping his face bringing Steven back to reality, to her. “Hey Steven, honey, shh look at me.” Her voice soothed the male baby brown eyes down, brows knitting together. “It’s alright I am here for you. Once we get to the storage locker we can sort all this out sounds ok?” A moment passed Steven said nothing simply mesmerized by the Goddess in front of him.

“W-what? Storage locker: how did…you know about the key I found. Never mind- at least you know where to go.” He sounded relieved. (Y/N) stared blankly at him.

“Shit.” She groaned.

It took hours going from company to company looking for the matching emblem, his key was a square, red, with what looked to be a J in white that extended to the edges. During this long mission (Y/n) and Steven spoke about personal things. Marc never was open just simply facts because they were ‘professional partners’ he did not see the use in meaningless conversation. She rarely felt comfortable talking about her background. 

Alone for 5 years does a lot to someone, especially with an annoying God inside.  Steven asked her to be honest even played a little question game. It felt like she poured her entire life story onto Steven Grant unable to quit. His brown eyes peered at her so lovingly and offered a few words or statements periodically brushing his fingers against her. Subtle and respectful.

 (Y/n) was the oldest child with one younger (brother/sister, they shared a 2-year difference, and their bond was rocky. Her mother and father were both middle-class workers and held strict traditional views. She constantly worked for their approval. Devoting her hours to ridiculous obligations in faith they would love her, either equal or more than (sibling/name). As mature adults, she reprehended her relationship with (s/n). During their youth, she blamed them for why her parents despised her. (Y/n) also had a small friend group. People who were trustworthy and loyal had been met during her college years. In all her parents never truly gave her love or attention. The only comfort she had were friends.

Her romantic relationships were nothing but toxic: a woman desperate for love, compassion, affection, just a man to be there, and right now Steven is that man she yearned for.

 Before Anubis or Thanos she worked in New York for a law firm as their legal secretary. Emily spent her time rambling a summary yet meaningful conversation with Steven. Time felt like it went by slowly. Caught up in his eyes, British accent, adorable blushes, and apologizes. (Y/n) never met a man like Steven and she planned on keeping him. He also returned the favor by talking about his life. Steven had trouble expressing his emotions. What if she thought he was a creep? Weirdo or even worse?! He never wanted to kiss someone, pull her close, and simply lose himself in the (e/c) eyes.

“Sometimes I feel this is a dream.”

“Why do you say that?” She asked pulling him closer.

“Because a perfect woman cannot be real…you are something from a dream.”

“Can you fucking stop being the sweetest man in the whole world?” She chuckled as Steven stumbled over many apologies. “I wish Marc could be a sweet darling like you, Steven. Too nice for your good. I don’t see how a woman hasn’t snatched you up."

Steven shrugged, “Maybe I just haven’t found the one. I spent years trying but…I always ruined it because no one understands me…I thought perhaps I will never get love…Until today that is.” He whispered a smooth hint.

6 units later they finally reached their destination. (Y/N) intertwines her feminine fingers with Steven, who currently is flushed. No woman ever gave this needy man attention, a man seeking desperately for true love. She may enjoy Marc, but Steven won her heart. “Come on, let's find out what Marc's hiding.” She pulled Steven along. Across the street, into the building, and greeting the clerk. Steven cleared his throat.

“Hello, mate, uh this been like our 6th stop, yeah, my locker maybe under Steven Grant, or Marc I don’t a surname-“

“Spector. Marc Spector.” (Y/n) adds flashing Steven a smile.

“Ah, Yes I remember you. Number 043. I never forget a face. This way please.” Once at Steven’s (more like Marc’s) locker, they once again thank the employee. Steven breathes in deeply, a nervous look written over his handsome face.

“Want me to go in or wait out here?” (Y/n) held Steven close, an urge to protect him from everything. He needed someone and she desired to be needed. A perfect match.

“I-I need to find out for myself. Thank you (Y/n) for listening to me. My dumb rambling. I just met you but- I feel we've known each other for eternity...I'll be quick." 

She nods walking off a bit to let Steven have room. Anubis appeared behind her. However, she could hear Konshu's faint voice

'Why is she entertaining this worm?' 

"You are to work with Marc, he needs to be in control. Steven holds us back." Anubis said. 

"No, Konshu is taking advantage of them. Haunting Steven that also makes Marc's life harder. Besides I am ready to be done with this mission to get you out of my damn head. Do you gods ever care? You enslave humans to be your fucking Avatars...my past cannot be erased. Hell, I am wanted in almost every country by a different name! You Gods act as if you are good. Helping humanity but you sacrifice others." She argued walking off from Anubis. "I am done listening to you! I am fucking over it. Like this or not Steven is also my priority. Marc and Steven share the same body but hell...they are different." 

'Steven is an annoying worm. I only agreed to allow him to live because Marc made this deal. Great, now they are fighting.' Konshu said.  She continued walking, very frustrated. 

"Where exactly do you think you are going?' Anubis inquired, appearing in front of her. 

"To get some air. Away from you. Fuck this place it's a maze!" She groaned going down a long hall. (Y/n) may conserve supernatural but...the woman's sense of direction is her weakness. 

"You should have stayed with Marc." Anubis sighed hearing his screams. "Konshu is not happy with you or Steven. Little one."

"Well tell Konshu he can shove the scarab up his big bird-looking ass." She yelled at Anubis. "Now he is scaring the shit out of him! STEVEN! Hey- Great just great now I am lost the screams are bouncing off all the fucking doors." Eventually finding her way back out into the streets with no Steven Grant insight. "Fuck you Konshu!" (Y/n) yelled. "Now I have to walk back to his flat, just amazing." 

She trotted back to Mark's apartment about 20 minutes later. (Y/n) is pissed at not only Anubis but Konshu as well. "Having to walk 20 minutes..." The female grumbled to herself and in some regards Anubis. Without even knocking she kicked the door open. A blank stare glancing at a woman and flustered Steven. "What...the fuck…?" 

"Who the hell is this Marc? Are you serious? I thought you said you lived alone " 

He looked awkward standing there with glasses on and papers in one hand. "Err- I uh. This is (Y/n). I do live alone. This is my mum's flat."

(Y/n) glanced at the mystery woman. "Who are you?!" She demands very confused. 

" Layla his wife. Soon to be ex when you sign the papers Marc lose the accent. It's really annoying. First, you disappear now...under the name Steven Grant and seeing this woman?"

(Y/n) felt her eyes sting as tears threatened to fall. "Fuck this. I don't care. You are good Marc. Manipulation is your fucking specialty!" She yelled storming out, Steven called her name desperately but she only ran faster. Down the stairs and out the door. Anubis appeared about to speak. 

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screams walking past the God onlookers seemed puzzled by this outburst. Back at her apartment, she sat down regaining her breath. All the flirting from Marc or even Steven they...he...was married to…Layla  Whoever the fuck that was. (Y/n) felt played. It was embarrassing having intentions with a married man. 

"Are you done pouting?" Anubis asked, sitting beside her on the bed. 

"Tch. Im fucking done have my body forever. I never want to see Marc or Steven again." 

"Because you love him-them is why you are upset?

"What does it matter? You have what you want. My body to be your stupid avatar...yeah love, see love is always the issue. It's not real. Just made up. Besides, aren't you married? The books I read spoke about your wife." 

Anubis frowns, "Anput and I have a rather long history, yes. I haven't seen her for a while." The God like Konshu had been banished, cast aside. "Love is not easy...not even for the gods, my dear. You simple humans are blind sometimes. Since being your God I have not seen you so open before. Perhaps second chances are needed...besides this is not just about personal goals. If Harrow resurrects Ammit. This universe will be endangered. Including the few you care for."

(Y/n) looked over to Anubis, "I hate when you are right. Fine where to? Egypt?" Anubis nods. She took a moment. "I need rest. Will you take control?" (Y/n) asked. 

"Of course my dear." Despite their arguments, hate, and God knows what else, literally.  A silent bond grew between the human and deity. (Y/n) closed her eyes saying goodbye to her London apartment. 

A gasp left her lips coming back looking at her surroundings. In some Egyptian hotel, in front of a door. She knocks on the door and it flung open, the female is ready to scream at Marc or Steven whoever had the spot. That idea stops noticing he is partially wearing nothing. She didn't say a word looking over his body. The way his necklace fell perfect between a tan chest. Maybe not a 6 pack but God did she want to rub his body. His dark skin was fucking gorgeous. 

"How long are you going to drool over me? Get the hell in here." Marc's harsh voice came. (Y/n) narrowed her eyes walking into the room...what happened? A mess, a complete mess, glass is broken, and Marc had already sat down his bottle. After she left Marc and Steven were thrown into a heated battle. Marc's decision not to sign those papers 3 months ago now affected the relationship he wanted, they wanted, with (Y/n). He cared for Layla but...he chose (Y/n). Marc being an idiot believed he doesn't deserve love. Which Steven hatefully agreed. Plus (Y/n) didn't even get to see Steven in his suit!

"Where is the fucking scarab Marc? Tch you also failed to mention you and Steven had a wife! What a fucking shock you-" 

"Had. I signed the damn papers if that makes you less butt hurt. Steven had no idea. This is between us...I lost the Scarab. Harrow has it right now. Tomorrow we will have to search for-" 

"YOU LOST IT?! Fuck Marc….I- You- Put some close on despite how much I fucking hate you this-" (Y/n) paused frantically waving her hands gesturing to his body," Is not helping anything. Anubis sorta- convince me to be here. If Harrow manages to find Ammit- God I should have stayed... you are useless sometimes Marc!"

"In my defense, if Steven had not gone psycho Colonel Sanders maybe we wouldn't be in this mess!" He yelled half at (Y/n) the rest directly at the broken mirror 

"Marc. Let me speak to Steve. Now." (Y/n) walked closer. "Please," Marc growled looking down at her. The woman unsettled him. "Fine. But he must give the body back." For any other person, even Konshu, Marc would have never listened. Instantly his poster slumped, eyes tearing up, Steven really didn't know. "I-I'm sorry. I would never hurt you! I am not a cheater. Marc is he never told me. NO, YOU SHUT UP." He yelled over to the mirror. 

"You can see him?... Steven, I should have not gotten so angry about it- fuck. It just - I like you, Steven…Anubis told me love was complicated even for the Gods. Love has been an overly dramatic aspect in- In the short time I known you...I can't stop thinking about you. Wanting to give this, us, a shot." 

Steven blushed innocently looking down before his doe eyes met hers"Are you asking on a date?"

"Fuck yeah stop being so cute please it's going to kill me." (Y/n) chuckled, moving her eyes back down to his chest, "Hmm." She touched his bare peck's tracing around the Star of David Steven shudders. "Can I kiss you, Steven Grant?" 

Steven opened his mouth shocked, "Y-yes. Marc is getting mad. He wants the light back." He whispered. 

"Tell him to fuck off." (Y/n) kissed Steven deeply falling with him into the bed. "You are so hot." The female snarled, pining an embarrassed Steven under her. "You seem inexperienced." 

"I am." He admits faster than ever. 

(Y/n) kisses him roughly, hands roaming his body and bits his lip earning a loud whimper. They continued their make out Steven's hands went everywhere but her body, moaning helplessly submitting to (Y/n), Steven gripped the sheets unsure of what is ok or not. He pants their mouths colliding again with such need. Her hands moved down about to reach his boxers before God intervened. 

"Enough I rather not have this image stuck in my head for eternity..." Anubis comments and this time...something off happened. She saw Konshu. How? Maybe...it was- (Y/n) was not sure exactly. 

"He kinda looks like a pigeon." (Y/n) whispers and Steven begins to laugh. "I suppose Marc does need the body back." She frowns. Steven looked away. 

"Just to let you know he isn't happy, good luck." And with that Steven is gone. 

~ To Be Continued.