#hate is a metaphor for painful love here btw

[welcometothelairofthebitchking]

God I hate Geto. NOT because he murdered the whole village. NOT because he's trying to commit genocide. I don't give a fuck about morality or the questionable choices of a fictional man. I hate him because he left. I hate him because he did love Gojo and still left. I hate him because he has to always have a fucking purpose or reason or a grand goal. Because his principles are more important to him than people around him who he loves or who love him. I hate him because he always needs to change the world and make it better. I hate him because he leaves for a useless goal and leaves others behind. I hate him and people like him, because no matter how much they love you, you will never be the most important thing to them. I hate him and people like him because they're always trying to 'fix things' when they can't even do it and they still try despite knowing it's useless. They still LEAVE despite knowing it's useless. Why are they so caught up in a purpose?? Why do they try to fix the world alone??? Why do they have to be 'selfless' while hurting everyone around them? Why can't they just stay so we can be together and be happy? Why can't they at least stay and try to fix things alongside you? Why not do it together? Why can't they even have the decency to ask you if you want to join them in their hopeless stupid useless plans and leave with them so you can still hold hands? Why do they care more about a stupid goal then you? Why are you so easy to leave behind? In a totally normal and not at all projecting way of course

[wildesqdreams]

only you

pairing - jameson hawthorne x fem!reader.

summary - for jameson being the worst means always being the worst, so when he gets something for himself for once, it's hard to believe that he's the best for her.

warnings - spoilers from the book "the inheritance games", making out + avery ends up with the other person in the 'love triangle' (to be honest i never thought that it was a love triangle, but that's not the point here).

navigation | masterlist | taglist | request

a/n: this isn't long, but to be honest, i really like it... btw a grayson fic will be coming next ;)

his lips were on hers.

it felt right but scary. it was frightening getting lost with her, even though he liked escaping. even though he enjoyed losing his mind in things. but this was different.

he deepened the kiss, as his hand traveled down from her side to her leg, hooking it around his waist. she let out a sigh against his mouth and her fingers gently tugged at his hair, as she felt his hips press harder against hers.

it was different because the boy was scared that her warmth would be gone in a second. that her touch would get lost. that she would be pulled out of his hands.

his sweet taste with a hint of tequila left her mouth and the boy started pressing gentle kisses down her jaw. she turned her head to the side and pressed her lips to his arm, which rested beside her head. feeling the light kiss, he tensed up.

y/n turned her head back.

"you deserve everything," he murmured against her neck.

you deserve better. you deserve better than me. were the words that clouded jameson's mind.

and she knew it. she knew that he couldn't let himself believe that he deserved her.

her hand went to his shoulder, squeezing it slightly, "jameson."

his lips pressed a final kiss to her collarbone before he pulled back and looked at her. y/n could sense the worry that he tried to hide because the hawthorne's weren't meant to be weak. they weren't allowed to show pain.

"it's only you. i want you."

jameson hawthorne's history with love was harsh.

letting himself be vulnerable only made him regret it later. it was never just him. there was always someone else in the picture. his brother - grayson hawthorne. the perfect hawthorne. and as the perfect brother, he always won. first with emily and then with avery.

his hand from her thigh reached to tug a strand of hair behind her ear, before resting it on her cheek, "please, say, "tahiti", love."

that was a code that meant that the person, who didn't call it, had to metaphorically strip. but it wasn't used often, because the couple didn't want to pressure each other in saying something they weren't ready to say.

the girl slightly furrowed her eyebrows, "tahiti."

but y/n... he never had her. not even a piece of her. and jameson hawthorne hated himself for that. because with her, with his best friend, it wasn't another competition between his brother and him. and he hated that he was scared of that. of letting himself feel her love. of self-sabotaging himself. of not trying sooner.

"i'm sorry," his hand against her skin felt hot, "i always had to be worse, to win. to get noticed. to be loved," his eyes never left hers, "and you were there... waiting for me, and i was scared," his thumb stroked her skin, "scared of having something, for myself. scared of something that wasn't a lie... and sometimes, love, i wish that i haven't had fallen for a girl, who deserves the best."

"jameso-."

"but the thing is i want to be better for you," he looked at his hand that slid down, his thumb brushing against her lips, "and i will be," his eyes shifted back to hers, "because this, us, it's real and for once in my life it doesn't feel like a game, so there's no reason for me to play."

his hand rested on the side of her neck. his touch was soft, which made slight goosebumps appear on her skin. jameson leaned down, his lips brushing against hers, "i love you."

"and i love you," y/n's hand from his shoulder moved to the back of his neck, pulling him in.

kissing jameson hawthorne felt dizzy. it felt like the world was ending. it felt like her lips were burning.

and it felt like something she never wanted to stop.

taglist: @noaboacoa @speaknowlinasversion

[piduai]

asirpa and ogata are still my favorite dynamic in gk like it's been the first time around because there is not one single happy thing about it and the way they relate to each other are informed by entirely different worlds. it's different from asirpa <- ogata -> yuusaku btw, they overlap more often than not but they're different in terms of the emotions they invoke

it's not that ogata has ever meant something special to asirpa, they were never close, she never particularly liked him (the way she liked ushiyama or kiroranke, for example), she just happened to not hate him, unlike anyone else. asirpa tended to treat everyone she met with the same amount of courtesy and respect, and she's a kind and considerate person, she simply had no reason to withhold that kindness and consideration from ogata, who had a knack for making people hate him without doing much. it's the chance of it all... she looked out for him because that's what she does. and he took it personally because that's what he does.

but in the end he had the power to hurt her. he made himself significant to her because while there were many people she has been good too, there was only one that she first gravely injured and then killed. not out of hatred but out of love...

when you think of it, ogata's philosophy regarding pureness and guilt wasn't really applicable to people who weren't him, because he lacked the capacity to feel remorse towards doing something evil. yuusaku was taught by his father that the flag bearers shall not kill, and the reason for that was that killing soils a person by staining their conscience. sugimoto is a prime example of this, he was driven by guilt his entire story, he was torn apart by it from within, and his body was shown scarred and ragged as a way to express that internal turmoil. yuusaku couldn't become sugimoto, if he killed, his own heavy conscience wouldn't allow him to fulfill the role of the flag bearer, it would dull the metaphorical light. but this is conceptually ludicrous to ogata because he didn't feel bad about killing enemy soldiers. sugimoto had to tell himself that the enemies are like animals and they don't feel pain and don't have loved ones in order to dull his own guilt about taking a human life, but ogata didn't need those excuses to kill. so by this logic, even if you kill them it means nothing to you and doesn't weigh down on your conscience at all (as long as you're like me), so what's the problem of keeping that metaphorical light going if there's no guilt? this is why ogata and yuusaku couldn't see eye to eye, and ogata, vaguely aware that it's him who is the abnormal one here, was so bothered.

and then he arbitrarily attributed "pureness" to his brother and asirpa, because he just so happened to be surrounded by people who had to kill human beings pretty often, with the ones who DON'T being the exception. that was wartime though, and the situations were different, because in yuusaku's case the "pureness" stemmed from an unblemished CONSCIENCE, not from committing an ACT that was wrong. if he happened to be driven to killing, the ACT of the killing itself wouldn't have been meaningful because they're on the battlefield, it's him feeling personal guilt towards it, therefore making him unable to fulfill his duties, was the crux of the matter.

but asirpa is a civilian and those don't just kill people everyday, her refusal to kill, even after being dragged into the dangerous gold hunt, was informed by religious beliefs and personal character. it is the ACT of killing a human being that would make someone a wen kamuy; it was primarily attributed to apex predators like bears and orcas, so the problem of the personal CONSCIENCE that would follow the act wasn't even in the footnotes. just by doing that you damn yourself, you are no longer eligible to join your loved ones after death, you have become "evil".

but in ogata's understanding, "pure" people are capable of "evil" if pushed enough, or if they have a good enough reason. he failed to push yuusaku into soiling his conscience and he failed to push asirpa into committing an evil act out of hatred, or revenge, or fear. asirpa did shoot him on the ice floe but it was an accident. she was given a choice and she chose NOT to kill, even though she was scared of ogata at that moment, and she did love her father, whom he killed. this is also why sugimoto was so adamant on saving ogata, he didn't want her to become a killer because he startled her into shooting the arrow. was sugimoto trying to preserve her CONSCIENCE, or trying to save her from the ACT? i think it was both.

but then on the train asirpa chose to kill ogata out of love for sugimoto, and thus she did prove ogata right that "pure" people are capable of "evil"... or did she? because love was as alien to him as guilt, and, as far as he was concerned, said "pureness" and destruction of it were all stemming from the ego, the internal drive to do something for one own's sake. ogata would have succeeded if asirpa shot him out of anger, or hatred, or exasperation, or greed; all emotions he's intimately familiar with. but she shot him because she wanted to save sugimoto. because she loved him. the same way yuusaku cried out of compassion and pity for ogata, because he loved him. seeing that said love had no place in ogata's worldview, it is arguable that his theory about pure people being capable of (self-serving) evil was proven right; maybe that's why that line was cut from the volume?

regardless of intent though, just because asirpa was averse to the ACT of killing it doesn't mean that, after going through with it, her CONSCIENCE wouldn't suffer. i said this a few times before but it's a shame that we never got to see the repercussions of ogata's death for her character. there wasn't any need to show these finer emotional aspects once the story was over and i get that but i'd still like to get even a glimpse of it...

because ogata died unloved, after the rest of his family, and the only person that would remember him after was asirpa, as someone she had to kill. his legacy was a tiny space in one person's heart, as someone who drove her into a corner and sent her soul to hell. i don't think that she would ever regret her decision - there were things more important than that at play - but it doesn't mean that she wouldn't feel the guilt, or the burden of having done something evil weighing down on her conscience. so ogata did manage to defile her, though not in a way he would have wanted. but he also did get what he wanted, in a way... because in order to feel that guilt, first there had to be kindness, there had to be love. and in a way, he was the subject of both.

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

[lightwise]

Ahsoka's Choice

(Content warnings: long post, implied depression and wanting to give up on life, mention of suicide prevention week). 

Life is not supposed to be a battle. I genuinely believe that it is not meant to be lived in survival mode, or be something to dread, or feel like a Sisyphean hamster wheel, climbing the same mountain over and over but going nowhere. 

And yet. 

It so often does. 

The good becomes so entwined with the bad that you can’t separate them anymore. 

Or even see any good at all.

Life is lived by placing one foot in front of the other, but our gaze is meant to be forward, not only down. 

There have been a number of excellent takes on the in-universe meaning behind the Clone Wars flashbacks, Anakin’s lessons, and Ahsoka’s choice in Shadow Warrior. How Ahsoka has been keeping herself small, living in survival mode, haunted by the fear of her past, by what Anakin became, by her fears of becoming that herself or inadvertently leading others down that path, by survivor’s guilt, by the inability to move forward.  (Please check out the excellent analyses below):

Anakin and Ahsoka learning to fight for the light

Recovering from PTSD and trauma and not letting the terrible things win 

Overcoming the legacy of war and death

Running from childhood trauma

Ahsoka choosing to live 

Ahsoka remembering who she is

However, without getting too detailed, I want to take a more metaphorical look at this episode and how it struck me personally.

My tagline is Daughter of Light. Ahsoka has been an extremely meaningful character to me since I first fell in love with Clone Wars several years ago, for her determination, her steadfast dedication to justice and kindness, and her strength in forging her own path in the midst of many difficult and undeserved circumstances. And this episode knocked me back in my chair, mouth open, trying not to cry at those four words: I choose to live.

The last few years have had some unique struggles in my life that have felt relentless at times, worn me down mentally and emotionally, and kept me in a state of difficult striving just to stay afloat on all fronts (financial, health, mental, etc.) I have honestly not wanted to stay afloat at points. And I’m still dealing with many of the effects of some of what I’ve been dealing with. 

(I am fine in this moment, btw. This post is reflective of where I have been, and some of what I have felt. So please don’t worry about me if you read this, it is meant to be encouraging more than anything. But I am acknowledging and honoring the struggle that it sometimes takes to exist and keep going when life is difficult or doesn’t turn out the way you expected, or is simply just too hard and too exhausting for a bit too long. It is also suicide prevention week, and therefore extremely timely for this episode coming out). 

“You lost a fight. Trust me, you lost.” - You can’t mince the reality of the situation, or pretend it’s better than it is, or that it doesn’t exist at all.

“So you do remember. That’s good, that means you still have a chance to live.” 

“Tell me what’s going on.” - She wants answers. She wants to understand what is happening to her so that she can know how to face it, so that it can be dealt with quickly. 

“I’m here to finish your training.”   

“It’s a little late for that.” - Where were you when I needed you. If only I had known what I know now a little sooner. All of this could have been prevented, things could have gone differently. 

“One is never too old to learn, Snips.” 

“What’s the lesson, Master.” - Alright, I guess we’re doing this. 

“Live…or die.”   

Choosing life—it means literally, and spiritually, and it means a life that is actually filled with wholeness and connection and purpose, not just an existence eked out in survival mode. And as much as I hate it, you have to engage with the pain and the suffering, you have to fight through them, in order to get there. You don’t get out of survival mode by not fighting, even when all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

“I won’t fight you.” 

In a vacuum, this is a decent sentiment. Maintaining one’s peace and refusing to give in to extraneous anger or regret is often a good thing. But that’s not the context here. It’s a negative, passive kind of choice, in this scenario at least. It’s choosing the lack of something, not the positive of something. I won’t fight…but what will you do instead?

All the lessons that Anakin begins taking Ahsoka through, forcing her to engage him, to keep going, to figure out ways to survive even when she doesn’t want to, when the cost feels too great, when her life has been handed to her against her will, is to get through to her the best way he knows how. To break her out of the isolation and defeat she has inhabited. To give her a path forward into momentum and purpose. 

They spar—Ahsoka still with only one saber, half her strength. He pushes her back, and then cuts the ground out from under her feet. And she falls.

“Why are we here?” - Why am I having to learn this lesson again. I thought I had already dealt with this. Why am I having to feel these emotions again. Why do I have to put my time and energy on this same problem again and again.  

“You tell me.”

“I don’t understand.” - She’s still trying to have logical answers before she can move on. We don’t always get them. If you wait for everything to make sense you’ll be waiting forever. 

“That’s your problem. This is your training.” - The casualties of war. Her mistakes. Her failures. Her guilt. Her grief. 

“The battle’s not over yet.” But oh how I sometimes want it to be. 

“This isn’t what I trained for.”  - This isn’t what I expected life to be like. This isn’t what I signed up for. This can’t be what all the effort of daily life adds up to. There has to be a whole greater than the parts. 

“I’m teaching you how to survive, and to do that, you’re going to have to fight.” 

“What if I wanna stop fighting.” - What if it’s not worth it. What if all the effort expended never actually leads anywhere that’s worth being. What if I’m too tired, too depleted to keep going.

“Then you’ll die.” 

“My part of that legacy is one of death and war.” - But what if that’s all there is? What if that’s all my life will ever mean, is struggle and loss and pain. 

“But you’re more than that. Because I’m more than that.” - But I’ve seen and felt horrors larger than life…how do I keep from drowning in them.  

“You’ve learned nothing. Back to the beginning. I gave you a choice. Live or die.” - You can’t stop from drowning in them. You can’t take the struggle out of life. You can’t take the pain out either, or the mistakes. But you can get back up. And you can keep going.  

“No!” - It shouldn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this hard. 

“Incorrect.” - But for now, it is. It may not always be. You won’t know until you get there. 

“You lack conviction.” - I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to have to do this anymore. 

“Time to die.” 

Finally, technically defeated as both of her sabers are wrenched out of her hands, she takes Anakin's Sith blade and uses it against him. There’s a time when the way to get through difficulty is through sheer anger and force of will—I won’t let this thing beat me simply because I’m too mad to let it, I’m too bitter or resentful to stay down any longer…but while that can give you some fuel to get moving, eventually it will keep you stuck in place. 

And then, she tosses it away. And with ferocity and passion and acceptance in her voice:

“I choose to live.”

Living doesn’t mean Ahsoka has to kill the phantom of Vader that still haunts her or continue the cycle of violence. She doesn’t have to fight because that’s the only way to survive. The choice she makes to live, is accepting that living might involve fighting, it might involve pain, it might involve darkness…but that’s part of what makes it life. But it’s not the only part. It will always be so much more than that. So much better than that. The darkness doesn’t get to defeat the light. You get to choose not to let it. 

I choose to live. 

You are not just the bad things that have happened to you. You are more than your traumas and your history and your mistakes and your regrets. You are more than those who came before you. You are more than what has shaped you, dragged you under, torn you apart. Your history is not your identity. Your pain is not who you are. Even when it’s all you can see or feel. Even if it’s all you’ve known, and the life you want always feels out of reach.  

Life shouldn’t be a battle. We shouldn’t always be struggling or barely keeping our heads above water in survival mode. Sometimes letting yourself slip beneath the surface is necessary. You have to surrender to the waves, and accept the reality that more will come, before you can ride them. Just try to breathe in the process. 

Finally, there’s one other thing that brings Ahsoka back to the land of the living. It’s not just her choice alone. It’s other people not giving up on her. Searching for her. Refusing to give up hope. Jacen hearing what is really going on, telling his mom to listen, really listen. Friends working together to pull her out of the ocean. Huyang bringing her a cup of tea and a blanket. She is resuscitated and rehabilitated by others. By her community.

Let’s choose to live. Together. 

Hopefully, we can always make it worth it. 

[moe-broey]

Okay what if I elaborate a little bit. About the Mani-coded Heathers post. You have to be nicies to me about it, though. Play my game. Okay.

I think Veronica Sawyer is VERY MUCH the type of "girl" Mani is, or at least strives to embody. Not sure if this exactly translates to the person Moe was, at that time. A solid... maybe? Mani is the culmination of Moe's most hated traits about itself from that time period. So the reflection is a bit squewed, warped by loathing and impossible standards. But, also worth saying! The broader personalities are very alike, here!

MANI FACTS: Mani is shallow, cowardly, seeking only its own safety ESPECIALLY through an acceptable level of conformity and subsequent desirability, at the cost of its integrity and so much more. It's a fake ass bitch and I would HATE to be associated with it.

So what's going on, here.

If I were to assign two (2) songs to Mani ESPECIALLY. It would be Seventeen (it's vaguely 19 but nevermind that) and Dead Girl Walking REPRISE. REPRISE. Funnily enough the only track I feel is uncomfortably against Mani's Entire Fucking Deal is Dead Girl Walking. HOWEVER. Dead Girl Walking could work as a metaphor. The personality of it all is also very intact. Man what's that post again that goes "I will sexualize the horrifying and find horror in the sexualized". Mani is the one finding horror in the sexualized. Not in a trite broad statement way either it is going to PERSONALLY subject you to psychological Horrors about it.

MANI FACTS: Mani is an unreliable narrator who loves to convey information in obtuse and roundabout ways. Often getting theatrical with it. It's especially a fan of utilizing the Weirdness of dreams. I dreamt that I was in the role of someone else, style. This is beyond Book 4 lore at this point btw, it's just. An ongoing occurrence, now.

So what does all this MEAN.

Well. Heather Chandler is very much a metaphor, here, a representation of what Mani is attempting to achieve but can never truly grasp. The hyper femininity and everything that comes with it, "good" and Bad (mostly BAD). That's a given, here. Mani can convincingly mimic it, but can never fully Live it.

But WAY more importantly and actually relevant to the songs listed earlier. In the role of JD, is someone who really Shouldn't BE in that role. The entirety of JD's character is a reflection of that person. Not a one-to-one, mind you... it's never quite a one-to-one, with Mani. It's speaking through metaphors and leaving breadcrumbs. JD is also a reflection of what Mani wants, or wanted. An ideal, a wish. That... really cannot be fulfilled. I mean. Are you aware of how Heathers ends... 🧍

MANI FACTS: Mani is ALWAYS. ALWAYS. Forced into Roles that don't fit it, that don't make any sense, ranging from generally unpleasant at best to mortifyingly painful and horrifically harrowing and just deeply agonizing and so on.

Alfonse is often forced into the role of that person. He plays the part, accordingly. He's a really good sport about it actually.

MANI FACTS: It is not a good person and neither is Moe. I think we should kill them both

[halfelven]

Arwen, Elladan & Elrohir for the character bingo? :D

Love the way you write the peredhel and your thoughts on them generally!!

- main of @olorinestel

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

repeating i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex (< lying)

okayyyyyyy sooooooo. let’s start with arwen. when i first heard the goes to lie down alone in an empty land to die story i didn’t speak for several hours and i was still feel the pain of it and can taste the scent of fallen pine needles and see the golden sun on the warm bark of the shaking trees. i’m screaming and crying and throwing up. she is not like me. i do not get the falling in love thing. i’m checking mommy and daddy issues bc of what happened to her mom and the whole separation thing with her dad. i do think they were great parents

also she is insane. and it’s so good. especially with piercing gazes striking little hobbits and all that. close connections to her insane grandparents. whatever the hell is going on with her and aragorn. obsessed.

look elladan and elrohir came out the same but i’ll go with elrohir first

here’s where i do NOT have a saviour complex comes in. i did not read about them at five years old and dream of knowing violence and loneliness and peril to save people.

anyways babe gets mommy reasons for obvious reasons. daddy issues bc of the immortality or not reasons. do i think he would actually punch me? doubtful. but he’d probably stop me if it were the wild and he didn’t know if he could trust me. i didn’t choose my name partially bc it’s similar to his btw. i didn’t pretend i was elrohir and my sister was elladan and still have our nicknames set from theirs in my phone btw.

i don’t give a fuck what tolkien says!!! his name is star-rider!!! and it’s a tribute to earendil. tolkien can fucking fight me!!!!

god riding through the wilderness to tell aragorn hey daddy says we should go through the paths of the dead. elvish wights. dark magic and a fucking ghost army. i’m sooooo normal about him. i can’t picture every detail of his clothes and i have never pretended hallucinations were him until i wasn’t scared of them anymore. never had dreams about him that don’t even feel like dreams either. i’m so sane and normal. i don’t hate him because the self imposed pain he takes to protect the world hits too close. don’t relate to saving my mother from torments but not being able to save her either.

on to elladan

same mommy and daddy issues. again he probably wouldn’t actually punch me but maybe he would under certain circumstances.

i included a lot of the insanity when talking about his brother because they go together in a lot of that. also never had super weird dreams about him that took too long and had too much reading in them. only normal dreams.

but seriously i think the immortal thing with half elves goes a bit to their head. like the being able to live for thousands of years but you could drop it? insane.

also gonna fight tolkien bc i swear all three of them were kids at the same time. like seriously fight me tolkien. (i think i could take him)

again i’m soooooo normal about him. nothing about throwing everything aside to make my life about a singular purpose (or maybe not singular. protection and revenge. also you have to look at orcs as metaphors for this to work*)

stopping now or this will be too long. have to put it under a cut as is

*i like my ideas of what orcs are better than tolkien’s. i actually much prefer a few of my systems in fantasy to his. and i prefer my own fantasy world to his over all

thank you for the ask and for liking how i write them!!! they are some of the characters that got me through a lot of things and i will always love them even if i also write them suffering

[telltalebatman]

post the frankie size queen essay

in form of a ficlet as im wating for my food delivery. nsfw btw

"So," Angelo asked her one day. "Mac Gargan, huh?"

"Ugh, don't start this again," she sighed as he laughed. "I've told you already. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know he's coming to our wedding-"

"Franks, I couldn't be any less mad about not getting married to a girl if I tried. All things considered, it is a miracle it took pops this long to figure out I'm gay, and I never liked lavender to begin with. Nice touch with having lavender in your wedding bouquet, by the way," he added with a grin as she laughed. "Subtle."

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that," she said with a giggle. "I just saw they had this option and went - holy shit, Angel Boy's gonna love it."

"Well, I did love it. Buuuuuut... I didn't get you here just to reminisce about our failed wedding. Come on, Franks. I need to know - why him?" he asked finally, his dark eyes glimmering with curiosity; and Frankie bit her lip.

"Well, he does make me feel safe," she said slowly, wincing slightly as the irony of a guy who once kidnapped her making her feel safe was not entirely lost on her. "He's patient. Like, really patient."

"Uh-uh," Angelo said, rolling his eyes. "Fucking boooriiiiingggggg. I want to know the juicy stuff. Come on. How's your sex life?" he asked in his worst Tommy Wiseau voice; and Frankie groaned. Rationally, she knew this question was coming; and it wasn't the question she was dreading - it was the answer.

"I had never been fucked better in my entire life," she said with a deep sigh. "You know that club bouncer guy I told you about, the one that looks like Don Costa? He has a huge schlong, but can't use it. And Mackie... Holy shit, Angel Boy. Now I know what the Muppet puppets would feel if they ever came alive and felt the hand inside of them."

"Ew," Angelo said with a wide grin. "Gross. Keep going though."

"The first time he put it in I thought he's gonna poke my eye out from within," she continued, her cheeks flushing slightly as she thought back to their first time. "It felt so fucking good. I had never realized how much empty space I have inside of me until he fucked me. It was fucking unreal."

"Jesus, is that why you went radio silent for a week? Because he fucked you so good you forgot how to speak?"

"I didn't just forget how to speak, I forgot where I live," she said with a pained sigh as Angelo laughed. "And I thought to myself - great! Now that I've fucked him, he's out of my system. I can move on with my life now. But then I hooked up with another guy, and... It was just not the same. Nobody could fill me like he did. And it wasn't even a metaphorical, emotional void or anything. No, I mean it in the most literal, physical sense. He filled me up, alllllll the way. I then tried to, you know, get a dildo, but... Eh. It's just not the same, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. An artificial dick up your ass is just not the same as the real thing," he said, nodding sagely. "Been there. Done that. Disinfected that afterwards."

"Yeah, I sure hope you disinfect your dildos. But anyway, that's how I figured out I'm physically incompatible with anyone whose dick I can wrap my fingers around. If it doesn't make me feel like I'm about to have to go to the ER, I don't want it. Apparently whenever we fuck, I look like I'm having a stroke and a heart attack at the same time, but he kinda likes it. He says it's hot when I can't even talk properly and he can really feel me."

"God, I am so glad we didn't end up married, our sex life would be so fucking bad for both of us. Me, I just can't top. You... Ugh, I can't even say it."

"Don't say it then. Just know that I do not think about you when I'm riding that Burj Khalifa of dicks. All I think about is how good it feels to my esophagus."

"Yeah, okay, Miss Piggy. What I hate the most about this conversation is that it's the same exact for me. And I love being a Muppet. I just wish dicks had fingers, you know? So they could wiggle them inside of me. That, I think, would ruin me completely."

"Oh god," Frankie breathed out, biting her bottom lip. "That would fucking rule. And also result in my eyeballs falling out for real, I'm pretty sure."

"Can the two of you shut the fuck up for five fucking minutes?" Mac asked tiredly from another room; Frankie and Angelo laughed in unison. They were having their weird little conversation in the living room of an apartment Frankie was renting together with Mac - who was trying to take a nap in the other room. Clearly that was not working out, and she hoped he had heard every single word. Because that'd mean a oh so you like it big, huh? kind of sex later on - and the only thing she liked more than his massive dick was when he made fun of her for not being able to string together a simple coherent sentence as he fucked her. "Please. Jesus."

"We'll be quiet now," Frankie said, kicking Angelo under the table. "Right, Angel Boy?"

"Yeah, as quiet as she gets when your dick pierces her intestines," Angelo replied in a sing-song voice; Mac groaned. Frankie laughed. For just a single afternoon, all was right in the world; and when the night fell, once again she forgot her own name.

ohmygodohmygodohgodohgodohgod

"You like it big, huh?" he said as she gasped loudly and grabbed the sheets as she tried to spread her legs even further. "Aww, look at yourself. Can't even talk," he added mockingly as she moaned and arched her back. "Hold still," he added, grabbing her by her waist as he fucked her. "Tell me how much you like it, or I'll stop."

"No," she moaned out, her thought slowing down to a crawl. "Pl... Please... Oh, god..."

In return, he only laughed; and she could feel his laughter, deep inside of herself. His every word, every chuckle echoed through herself; and she

fucking

loved it.

ohgodohgodohgodohgodIMCUMMING

"I barely even moved," he said mockingly as her eyes rolled back and barely any sound got out of her wide open mouth. "Aww, you're so precious. You don't even need friction, you just need to be filled up," he added; and she didn't protest. She didn't argue. Truth be told, she wasn't even sure what exactly was he saying in the first place; all that mattered were his hands around her waist, and his cock inside of her, and his beautiful body towering over her.

holy fucking shit.

he should fist me one day

[ferminadaz]

I always find it intriguing how everyone interprets stories and characters differently.

First off, it's gonna sound as if I'm defending Doffy, only a little bit, but that's not really what I'm trying to do. I don't think the way Doffy evolved to be who he is was that straightforward, and I also don't think he wants to watch the world burn simply because he lost the luxurious lifestyle he had in Mariejois.

I think Oda tried to tell a story of how people around you impact who you are. And he chose to show it through contrast. And the contrast is not between Doffy and Cora, but Doffy and Law, btw.

So you watch Doffy (let's keep Cora in mind as well) try to adapt to a polar opposite of what he knew his whole life. He only knew comfort, was spoiled and got everything he pointed a finger at. Now, what happens? He discovers pain, and lots of it. Now, what does he experience? Everybody rejects him, he's starving, being abused by everyone, loses a parent - a small child dealing with the death of a parent, just that alone - and ultimately, he feels betrayed.

His father, a parent, was supposed to keep him safe and happy, but what did he do in the end? (Let's not pretend none of us ever blamed someone just as childishly) He caused both of the boys nothing but suffering. Can't stress it enough: that's obviously not a reason to kill your dad.

But - and this is crucial - who gives Doffy that gun? Trebol, and what does he also do? He, not just verbally, but also by his actions, validates Doffy's feelings of hatred. He tells him that yes, you're right in hating everyone, the world and everybody in it failed you, they deserve all of your hate and fury, you're in the right, you are in the right.

So he shoots his father. Afterall, he's a traumatised, nearly deranged child, easily manipulated; because for the first time since he left Mariejois, someone accepted the kid, someone has shown him compassion and most importantly, told him what he wanted to hear - that he was above everyone.

That was the turning point for Doffy I'd say.

And now the contrast. Law seeks out the Family, not like in Doffy's case where it was the other way around. But he's the same - hates everyone and everything because guess what? He lost everything, was betrayed and is rejected by everyone.

I like to think of the white illness as of a metaphor for Law's pain and hatred. Cora decides to save the kid. Here's the difference:

Doflamingo has spent his life being told that he's basically a God. (It must be awfuly lonely up there too, I think.) Noone shows him the right way, the better way.

Law is being shown the ultimate of human virtues, within it a way of life, the better way, and y'know, Oda says it basically explicitly:

love is the only way.

So, to conclude, does that mean I think Doffy wouldn't have turned out to be like we know him if he didn't run into Trebol?

Wholeheartedly YES.

And does that mean he'd turn out to be good?

Hell no. He'd always be a bit of a cunt, for sure. Maybe just not himicidal, if you get me.

And one last thing, just to prove, that he's nothing but a betrayed crybaby that just needed more love: the dude could've literally founded anything: a gang, simple pirategroup, party, alliance, idek what else. What did he found instead?

Oh yes, a fucking family.

[doffy backstory/dressrosa spoilers - im not done yet so some of this might be off. i just have many many thoughts, excuse the rambling]

doflamingo has officially become my favorite villain in one piece, the fact that this man has been fucked in the head since birth is so fascinating to me. the contrast between him and his his brother, how they grew up in the same environment but ended up completely opposite. while rosinante became a fighter for good, going undercover for the navy, doflamingo became a force of destruction, oppression and power. doffy doesn't care how he does it as long as he gains the power he lost when he was like 10 years old. the terrible and inhumane lifestyle of the celestial dragons was too ingrained, too perfect for doffy's wants and needs. when he lost that luxury and privilege, he refused to understand WHY his parents could ever want to give up being a celestial dragon, while rosinante, being empathetic and kind, quickly understood that the pain they endured at the hands of the people was because of the way their family had treated them. we know that doffy knew this as well, because law caught him in exactly that:

he slipped up. he's always known what he was doing was terrible. this idea of "family" is just a front - he doesn't care, he killed his dad because it was his fault doffy got beaten and humiliated, he killed his brother because he went against him, and he'd kill everyone else who got in his way too. the moment they're not useful to him, he will drop the act. that's why rosinante died - he thought his brother still loved him. he didn't, probably never did. doflamingo just wants to watch the world burn after the "common folk" made a fool of him when he was a rotten, spoiled child. he grew up in wealth, then in poverty, he's been on both sides, which makes his speech in marineford so much more powerful.

tldr; doflamingo is, and always has been, a psychopath looking for ways to rule so he can oppress the people he deems unworthy so he can flourish in wealth and power. he is a selfish, awful man who thrives watching people squirm under him. he truly sees himself as a god.

[bonefries]

I rate Sigma Overwatch’s sprays from 0-10

alright lets go, just going in the order that these files come in this folder

1000/10: Because I get to see him sitting and even though he’s thinking hard about something he’s throwing a bouncy ball to help him focus. Also his hair is particularly white here and I think thats very sexy old man of him.

50/10: Catbox, Catboy, its all the same theory. Sigma likes catboys, not up for debate. We know why. 

3/10: Just not fond of it. I know the sprays and their rendering gets super obscured but this one just got absolutely decimated I guess. Just being real with yall. 

10/10: Like the shading colors, he’s smirking. Rock vaguely looks like a heart. Love that for him. 

6/10: I just don’t like how the hat was drawn. I don’t think it needed to be there or could’ve been shaped better. Other than that decent spray. Wish he was happier looking though. 

9/10: I have this spray as a sticker and its just very cute fsr. Its simple and the color is exquisite and nice on the eyes. 

100000000000/10: There is something mysteriously and eerily sexy about this spray and it’s one of my favorites.  

2/10: Just because he is my husband doesn’t mean I’m not going to be an honest man. I Highly Dislike this spray because I think the art style is unappealing af. It’s just a personal preference, I hate all of the sprays that come in this style.  i didnt realize how long this post was going to be so im doing the rest under the cut to spare everyone else’s life: 

9/10: Solid rating with no goofing. While I take up some issues with some of the expressions in his other sprays showing pain, there is something about the composition of this one that I absolutely love. Its very aesthetic for me, speaks to his character, and the colors are beautiful. Wish his eyes were his usual periwinkle though which is why this isn’t receiving a perfect score. 

5/10: Not really sure what it is about this one that I’m not so fond of. I can appreciate the colors and his profile. But other than that theres something visually here that I don’t find appealing. Not sure what it is.

8/10: Decent rating, its nothing crazy. Since reference and has nice colors but thats about all my critique for this one.

11/10: Lovely hand, lovely gesture. Wanna squish the bean pads. Nice colors. 

6/10: This one is actually one of my favorites despite the rating not being solid. Only because while I love the colors and the concept, the idea of it makes me sad. The idea that it reflects Sieb’s trauma makes me sad, despite it being a rational depiction of such. 

50000000/10: love little christmas charm sieb, hope he gets a skin of this outfit some day. Hes so cute. Happy smiles thats all I want. I could kiss him.

3/10: CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF I’M NOT ACTUALLY SUPER ABOUT THIS SPRAY. WHY? Because I’m being nitpicky and I want him receptors on the sides to be THE TEAL THAT THEY ARE. Not GREEN. 

5/10: I feel like halfway rating with this one is fair. I like to imagine that thats Sieb’s hand writing and that makes me happy. But this spray is hard to look at for long periods of time because this kind of text squish is hurtful on my eyes. 

9/10: I actually hate this skin but fsr the spray makes it incredibly sexy. It actually got sexier the second time (this time) that I looked at it. Good for him.

6/10: Reasons for this rating, while I love the pose and intimidation this spray is posing, I also get sad to see Sieb’s strained expressions. I think his powers do have limits and they do effect him depending. And seeing all this big ass heavy equipment on him gives me conflicted feelings. He has a lot to carry, and he’s just lucky he has gravity powers to help. (I mean this metaphorically and literally.)

7/10: I love the art and concept on this one. He’s just so grumpy looking is all. My poor boy. 

9/10: He’s 7 ft tall and it shows and I am here for it. 

9/10: Remember when I said I was conflicted about seeing all that equiptment on him? Well its true, but I’m just going full thirst on this spray to say look at how fucking massive this man is. I want him to grab me with those hands and pitch me like a baseball. 

4/10: The pained expression in this along with the concept of it (as well as connection once again to his trauma) unsettles me and makes me feel the brain hurting juice. Nothing further.

1000000000000000000/10: This is one of my favorite sprays because its just casual work setting and gives me more insight on his lab uniform. His hair here also gets me barking like a rabid chihuahua. 

10/10: This gets a solid rating for A) Lab Coat Outfit and B) Seeing him again with the help of an object to stim while he thinks. (The squeeze ball) 

10/10: I cant not give halloween Sieb a solid score. I think this is adorable, but I don’t believe it’s Sieb as a kid. I think it’s just a child dressed up like him with no attachment to lore or anything. But its still very cute. 

100/10: I love the pixel sprays so much, simple and cute. 

6/10: I’m really not too crazy about the pose for the dragon spray. I feel like they could’ve done something a little more dynamic especially given he has gravity powers. But alas. 

9/10: This spray is on the same level as the apple head spray from earlier on in the post. Congrats if you’ve made it this far btw. But I love the soft expression on the left being challenged with the frightened/frustrated one on the right. 

0/10: I am not fond of this spray because of how much pain he appears to be in along with the implications all the junk flying around him has. Upsets me. 

50/10: I don’t care about the fish onions I just care about looking at my husbands huge ass arms and seeing him enjoy a smelly fish treat. Its what he deserves. Also what that mouth do. 

10/10: Solid perfect score because I have strong emotions about Van Gogh. And I think the interest between Siebren and Van Gogh, especially as two men who were/are fighting with mental illness speaks volumes about Sieb’s character. This spray makes me feel something in my chest that I can’t whole heartedly explain, but it isn’t a bad thing. 

10/10: Another perfect score, because I think this spray is a good mixture of Sieb’s character between the musical elements and his scientific work. He’s also smiling which is rare to find in his sprays.  

544386238043723507435742634387236804307403857435748035474803548744307384385740385748037408357438570480bark bark barK BARK /10: sexiest image in the entire game of overwatch nobody @ me i dont take constructive criticism 

[kusagrasskusa]

Gaara X Innocent! Reader - "Hellfire"

Gaara's age is bumped up to 16 in this btw, and the reader is 16 as well. This takes place the night Gaara kills that one Sound Ninja on the rooftop, during the chunin exams. Also, Gaara might be considered a Yandere, but I don't know (you'll see why lol) Lastly, when I talk about Gaara burning, I mean it metaphorically. Yes, this is 100% based off The Hunchback of Notre Dame

FYI! This story isn't very romantic so if you're a fan of slightly darker stories, go ahead snd read this I suppose. Plus Y/N is kinda a coward in this

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There he sat, on top of the rooftop late at night. Tomorrow would be the full moon, when Gaara's power would increase in perfect timing for another battle in the chunin exams. Competition is getting tough and examtakers are either extra aggressive with everyone or forming alliances. Not only that, but so many people are winning each challenge that too few people are being eliminated. That's all that's important and all that will be important until the Sand Village finally finishes off Konoha with the help of the Sound Village. But how, even with these much more important factors, is the only thing Gaara could think about is some normal pediatrician girl?

The moment he met her in the streets, a flame was set in his heart. He had been walking through Konoha after register for the exams and noticed a pretty young girl running through the streets, shouting for help. All she received was weird glances and eye rolls, however Gaara and his siblings caught on. Much to his sister and brother's surprise, Gaara had no problems hearing her pleas and then defending her. Someone had been following her; someone who her family had bad history with and from the looks of it, that person planned to hurt her.

He had no problems escorting her home and listening to her talk along the way. Her voice was so soft, her colorful kimono and flowers in her hair fitting for someone with an innocent and sweet personality. She seemed to be oblivious to the mysterious looks of Gaara and his siblings, or the way Gaara was so cold and silent. She payed no mind and spoke to him as id he was normal; like he was human. And it was that fact, her ignoring his dangerous aura, that lit that flame.

After since that day, that flame grew so strong. Every set of bright shades of the colors she wore on her clothes, every flower that she decorated herself with, every word or item that she mentioned in the little time she spoke to him, and everyone with E/C eyes would make him think of her. That sweet, kind, oblivious girl. It's like she cast a spell on him to make him slowly burn alive; that little flame she set it him would quickly grow into hellfire. His burning desires to see her again, to hold her, to love, traveled through his skin and veins. It didn't take long for Gaara to convince himself she did something cruel to him to use his demon, just like his father is using his demon to destroy Konoha in a few days.

Gaara was began to assume the girl was mocking him when she spoke to him so lightly; that he was no one to be afraid of. It was so insulting, but she was able to hide her cruel and disgraceful jeers under a sweet and loving facade and cute clothing. That has to be it, he thought. No one could ever like me, no one can love me, other than me. More and more of Gaara's thoughts were consumed, then all at once, by thoughts of her. She was like a demon dragging him to hell to torture forever. That beautiful girl with those lovely E/C eyes and pretty clothing was using him, he convinced himself. And someone like that deserved death.

That sweet, young girl had a name; Y/N. She was incapable of sleeping, as a terrible feeling in her stomach was keeping her awake. She pouted her lip and huffed, poking her stomach and whispering to herself, "I want that bad feeling to go away!" That feeling was pure anxiety and a hint of fear. These emotions were very uncommon for Y/N as she had always. Even a positive thinker with lots of love in her heart for even villains to an extent. She sighed, turning over in her bed on her back for sitting up, flipping her legs over her bedside. She stood up and put on a soft kimono over her pajamas and walked to the front door of her home, put on her sandels, and walked out. "Maybe a nice walk around the village will tire me out!"

"It's almost the full moon," Gaara said aloud. "My power will only grow stronger." He stood up, staring intensly at the moon as if it's the only thing keeping him from being devored by his hellish thoughts. His thoughts of how lovely it would be to destroy that girl who made his chest feel warm and his face heat up when she talked to him. That girl who made him feel the way he feels about himself, only a bit different. He had never felt romantic love to anyone, and for him to suddenly feel so strongly about someone instantly convinced him that she did something to him. Someone who would ever control him like would burn in hell before the hellfire consumes him first.

A rough, quiet and threatening voice erupted from behind the redhead. He paid no mind to anything that came out of the mouth of the Sound Village ninja rather just acknowledged that he wanted a fight. Without even realizing it, all that bloodlust built up through thinking of Y/N was released, ending in that Sound Village ninjas blood being spilled all over the roof top. It felt like a weight was taken off his back when he killed the ninja, but in the back of his head he knew it wasn't enough. Gaara didn't want that petty ninja, only that witch known as Y/N. Every passing second, that hellfire coursing through his veins were blazing out of control, weren't they?

"Maybe a nice walk around the village will tire me out!" Gaara's ears perked at that voice. That voice. Y/N's voice. Just like that, Gaara's need for blood grew strong again but this time, it felt different. He killed the Sound Village Ninja with aggression, but knowing he could kill Y/N now that he heard her close by made him feel an exciting kind of bloodlust. Those flames coursing through his body grew hotter every second, growing ever more desperate to get his hands on her.

"It's been a while since I've seen the garden at night come to think about. The moon is bright tonight so it's bound to be pretty sight!" That sweet, soft voice called out from the ground, below Gaara's feet. She walked the pathway it takes to find a nearby lake, where a nice little garden lays. A smile rose on Gaara's face; one of pure hate and excitement. His chest pained to greatly at the thought of her death, but that hellfire coursing through his body was telling him to hurt her. The front of his mind was screaming for him to kill her and use her blood as a piece of his deadly sand, but the back of his kind was whispering for him to comprehend how he feels about her first.

So he began to follow her. Gaara quietly walked from the rooftops, not daring to make a single sound. He continued to smile as he followed her, his smile growing the more he heard her talk to herself. Such a sweet girl with such a pure heart. It's a shame someone with Gaara's problems sees her as a witch because he loves her. As another 10 minutes go by, Y/N began walking into the woods and towards the lake. Gaara jumped to the ground without making a sound and followed her discreetly by hiding behind trees. He stopped when Y/N did. Y/N's eyes widened and sparkled at the amazing sight before her; the moon reflecting on the lake as beautiful flowers and trees accompanied toads on lilipads in the water. Pure bliss.

"Wow...It's incredible!" She laughed in awe. "My arms feel so weak at the sight," she spoke again as her smile widened. "I wish mom was here to see this!" Gaara hummed, looking over the scenery as well. It wasn't very interesting, but it was something he supposed. After all, Y/N loved it. Gaara looked around and saw no one nearby, meaning now would be a great time to react. He silently tip toed over to Y/N, using trees to cover himself. However, Y/N spotted him when she looked around the area in case there was anyone nearby (after all, she was being loud and who knows who lived in the area).

"Hmm? Hi, you there!" She said, waving her hand towards that silhouette behind that tree. Gaara'a face turned into one of the confusion, his "eyebrows" furrowing. Why isn't she scared of someone creeping up behind her in the woods? "Sorry if I'm bothering you! I just wanted to see what's it's like here at night. I can leave if you want," she said, swaying her body back and forth.

"...No, it's quite alright," Gaara replied as he stepped from behind the trees. He walked up the her, and instantly Y/N recognized him. She gasped, surprised.

"I remember you! You're the one that saved me! Thank you so much!" She giggled, clasping her hands together and bowing deeply. "My deepest thanks." Gaara paused, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit.

"My heart is pounding," he mumbled allowed, pressing his hand against his chest. "What have you done to me?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. Y/N stood up straight, giving him a questioning hum in return. Her face looked so innocent and sweet; it's all apart of that facade, isn't it? Gaara growled, roughly grabbing Y/N's shoulders and pulling her close. She jumped, gasping a little at the sudden action. "I said, what did you do to me? Where did this hellfire come from, you witch!" His voice went from his normal calm tone to a scream instantly.

Y/N's eyes widened and her body started to shiver a little. She furrowed her eyebrows together, stuttering out a reply. "I-I don't understand..." That answer wasn't good enough for Gaara as he had no problem throwing her to the ground and looming over her with a look of anger across his facial features. His fist was clenched so tight that his veins were showing. "I don't know what you're talking about!" Y/N yelled out fearfully, covering her face. Tears began to swell in her eyes and her voice became shakey.

Sand began to pour out from behind him and his heart ate picked up again. That flame in his heart was so strong and terrifying to Gaara that he was okay with killing the girl he fell in love with right then and now. His body was so scared that it wanted to kill her, but his heart was too scared to rid such a wonderful girl from the world forever. "Tell me, witch. What did... you do?" He asked again, staring at her so intensely that she could feel his eyes burning into her skin. She sniffed, now too scared to reply upon seeing that sand loom over her.

After a few moments, he screamed, "tell me!" Y/N chocked up on tears, taking a deep breath before replying.

"I don't know any magic or special jutsus, sir! I didn't do anything to you!" She cried out, slowly sitting up. "I'm sorry!" Gaara hissed, silent for a couple minutes. In that time, Gaara remained still as Y/N slowly began to stand up. In her mind, she was recalling words her mom once spoke to her about dangerous people. People are born innocent and harmless and only bad environments or situations can taint their purity. With that in mind, Y/N assumed that Gaara had problems that she couldn't understand. And with a heart as pure as her's, she had already forgave Gaara for scaring her and already felt sympathy for him. She slowly walked closer to him, the hairs on her neck standing up with anxiety, and put an arm on his shoulder.

That touch made him snatch back to reality. He slowly put his hand on top of her's; he was so confused and overwhelmed with opposing emotion and thought. "Then why? Why do you make me feel this way?" He asked in a low rough voice. Y/N began to wrap her arms around him and then hug him softly, shutting her eyes tightly. She managed to push her worried back as she found giving this sad, sad man affection was more important. Gaara felt his chest grow warm again and suddenly, she chuckled.

"I think your hellfire consumed me. I can't even find it in myself to kill you anymore, witch. I think I'm in love with you," he said, blinking away tears. He was so scared and his body pained to kill her, but he just couldn't. He was so overwhelmed with the pleasant feeling of Y/N arms being around him to ever lay a finger on her in anger. Instead he just hugged her back tightly, stuffing his face into the crook of her neck and sniffing. He was obviously holding back tears, which didn't work very well. Afterall, for the first time in forever, he felt like he could show a little bit of a soft side.

"You're gonna control me, aren't you? Use my feelings against me and bend me to your will? You're so cruel, even with the face of an angel." Y/N hummed, not understanding his comments. She just sighed, hugging him tighter and opening her eyes.

"Hey, Gaara, isn't it? Why don't we spend time out here tomorrow? I'd like to get to know you better."

Gaara grunted in response, closing his eyes and wiping his tears with on arm, keeping his other arm tightly around her smaller form. Yeah, whatever hellfire he feels has completely consumed him before he could stop it.

Lol sorry this written to bad!

[ajokeformur-ray]

Surfing the red wave// Arthur x Reader // period comfort.

Summary: You’re on your period and the blood loss has made you a bit dizzy. Be it physical or metaphorical, Arthur will always be there to steady you when you stumble.

A/N: I don’t need to explain the inspiration for this one😂 Just something I wanted to put out while I work on other requests (which are open btw; been needing some fresh blood!)🥰💕 There’s some descriptions here of cramping and such which may squick some people out; so please be aware of this if you’re sensitive to descriptions of pain! I hope you enjoy this, angels! No pronouns used!💜🌸

Word count: 964.

You always, always did your best to take care of yourself.

Sometimes, you didn’t take care of you for you, but for Arthur. 

He was the man who held your heart in his hands, his calloused fingers gently curled upwards to cradle the precious organ to his own chest. It was almost as if he wanted to bring your own heart within him, to nestle against his own; for you were two whole individuals on your own, but  together were you wholly unstoppable.

There had been many a time in which you had lived for Arthur; your body on autopilot as your mind raced with all that had to be done each day, and indeed was it Arthur who often took it upon himself to remind you to take care of yourself during these times. 

He knew that there was nothing he could ask which you would refuse, and while sometimes did his mind whisper darker thoughts, he quenched them down and only asked of you things he believed were best for you.

It was only ever simple things, such as:

“Y/N, you haven’t eaten for a few hours. D’you want me to make you something?”

“Darling, do you want to watch this with me while you have a break?”

Arthur never made you feel bad about these gentle nudges; he knew what it was like to get so absorbed in the relentless grinding of every day life, and he knew that you would do the very same for him when the shoe was on the other foot, as often it was.

You and Arthur walked each other through life, hand in hand and your grips constantly loosening or tightening as situations called for it but never letting each other go entirely. 

Just the thought of going through life without Arthur’s hand in yours was enough to make a cold shiver drip down your spine, as if you were stood beneath the shower nozzle raining down upon your tired form when the pipes weren’t fully up to temperature.

You always needed Arthur, you wanted him with you every moment of the day, but most especially in those moments when there was only you to pick yourself up.

Such moments were frequent during one particular week of the month when everything was just a little bit harder.

On this day did you hold onto Arthur’s hand just a little tighter than he was accustomed to, and as busy as he was, as busy as you were, did Arthur’s mind race to put the puzzle pieces together...

You had been extra tired recently, your movements slower if you had to bend down or stretch, and once or twice Arthur had caught you taking a deep breath, pulling in air through your teeth sharply but releasing it slowly, as if you were in pain.

Pain... three days... more time in the bathroom with each visit... oh.

Arthur’s mind kicked in and he thought he knew what you were going through. 

As if the universe were aligned in that moment, everything was confirmed for the sweet clown as you stood up from where you had been sat beside Arthur and you swayed, your arm reaching out into the air, fingers searching for a surface upon which to steady yourself. 

“Whoa,” Your other hand came up to press against your forehead, “Careful, Y/N.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, willing for the world to slow as it spun around you. You hated this time of the month for always did it take the very wind from your sails and the slightest thing was harder than it otherwise would have been.

Arthur made a soft noise. It was one of concern and one of love as he reached his body across the back of the sofa and grabbed your hand, which was still holding onto the arm of the sofa.

“Sit with me, Y/N...”

Arthur’s gentle voice broke through the haze of pain and discomfort in your mind and you did as he asked, not finding the strength within you to get what you had been wanting from the kitchen.

You had no appetite, but your body needed energy to get through its uterine spring cleaning, and you had intended on forcing yourself to eat even with your stomach churning with each contraction of your uterus.

But now, as Arthur pulled you into his body as if he needed you there just as much as his lungs craved oxygen, you realised that while your body wanted food, so too did your soul.

 In the arms of Arthur did you find the ethereal nourishment you so desperately craved and you allowed your eyes to slide shut, to let yourself give into the lightheadedness which seemed to be making the world spin.

Another cramp and you winced. Your face was hidden from Arthur but so intuitive was he that his arms tightened around you, too, and he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head; royalty were you.

He didn’t tell you to take a deep breath, or to take any pain killers. He didn’t tell you to sit differently. Arthur didn’t tell you to do or to be anything.

He accepted you as you were most naturally in any given moment and he stayed with you. No matter how dark things became or how rough you felt in any kind of way, Arthur was always there to face it with you and that was more important than anything else he could have done.

Arthur would be there for you no matter what and in a time when most others would turn away or perhaps not even acknowledge your suffering, Arthur remained with you even still, his hand tightly in yours.

Together, or not at all.

It was what you both deserved.

AF/J  @nothingclown  @astheworlddturns @fluffedstar @jokersqueenofchaos @germansarechill  @lynnesm @sagyunaro  @greghouse  @flowerglitterwoman @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokers-doll  @scaredclowncat @lilliryth @hotpacino  @obsessedandthirsty  @call-me-harley-quinn  @arcanealaanais @cbloodmarch

Want to be added to or removed from the taglist? Please send me an ask! (Comments and DMs will be ignored because they’re harder for me to track.)

[awolfnamedluna]

I have no idea if you've already heard this song, but which OC would you associate with this song?

I definitely associate this with Evelyn. (BTW I'm writing this while listening to the song so I think that you should listen to it while you read it but you don't have to but I think it might fit? work better? idk just I think it works better with the song)

She has been through so much. Lots of pain and suffering. She always hides how she really feels. and she wakes up some nights from nightmares or night terrors being unable to fall asleep again. She lost her best friend and the only piece of family that actually cared about her and the only piece of family she knew. She can't let go of her past because it has brought her so much of her trauma that she still carries to this day so it's impossible for her to try and forget about it.

When she realized she had feeling for Price she got incredibly upset and broke down in tears and anger. She could not love someone again. She vowed never to love anyone again. She can't take that chance.

She deals with so much already and can't deal with love aswell. Yes there might be a chance that it might work but there is to much of a risk that it won't. She has never said anything to anyone of what she has seen and gone through. And Rose isn't here anymore so she can't even tell beloved sister how she feels. Rose can't comfort her when she is hurt or scared.

She is afraid and scared. She is scared of what will happen if she shows him her true colours. Scared what he will think of her. Scared that he will judge her for hiding. Judge her of hiding her identity. Of hiding her true self.

The lyrics: "What do you want me to say? My heart is choked and my head hangs low. But I guess you feel like I don't care, 'Cause I said nothing" and "What do you want me to do? Tell you how I feel or just let you go? I fucked it up and everything's my fault, 'Cause I said nothing" resonates with Evelyn very strongly since Price wants to know why she is avoiding him and she just wants to tell him everything but she can't.

more lyrics that resonate with her: "Phone lights up, it's late at night, It's just you telling me I'm dead inside" Her awake at night after a nightmare and being unable to fall back asleep and laying in bed or being awake on her phone. OR Her being awake at night after a nightmare and being unable to fall back asleep and she gets a call from Price she declines the first call, she doesn't have time to talk with him. He calls her again and again, then he leaves her a voicemail. She decides to listen to it: "Alpha it's John.. We need to talk. Can we meet at the park? - end of voice-mail. She finds it strange that he uses his name. but nonetheless she gets up puts on her more casual clothes and grabs her mask and hoodie and goes to meet him.

more lyrics: "Wish I could say how much it hurt, I open my mouth, but it don't work." could be a continuation of of the previous scenario and/or it's her wanting to tell him how she feels but she can't. She can't she made a promise to Rose. She will never love again she promised her this, she vowed that she will never do it again.

"I built these walls that I'm living in, Now I can't breathe and they're caving in, Found this dark place on my own, Now I'm living here all alone" Evelyn and all of her barriers. She feels like she can't breathe (metaphorically) with everything that she is feeling. it's overwhelming. She has been alone for 18 years. She hasn't had a friend in 18 years. She hasn't had a partner in 18 years. She hasn't trusted someone in 18 years. It's overwhelming for her to think about.

"Talk about being afraid, Thinking to myself, it was my mistake" It was her mistake for loving Dominic. Her fault her getting hurt. Her fault that Rose died. Her fault she got Rose killed. She is making a mistake loving John. It's her fault for feeling this way.

She has locked herself away from everyone. She has locked her heart away from everyone. She is scared and confused of what she is feeling. When she realizes that she loves him she breaks down. she hated herself for falling for him. She hates herself for letting this happen. She beats herself over it. She just cries and cries and cries. She cries herself to sleep at her home. The only place where she can truly be herself without being looked at by anyone.

haha this got very long and resonates very deeply with Alpha for me. as I said before she is scared and afraid of what will happen if she acts on those feelings, tells him how she feels, tell him that she loves him.

anyway if this made you cry I didn't mean to it's just that Alpha and her story is just Angst™ and is very sad and full of emotion.

and thank you for the ask! I probably wrote this for a while hour! it's 3:10 am and I should sleep but I will now constantly be thinking of Evelyn and John (it feels weird calling him John and not Price) and how she feels. AND NOT TO MENTION HOW HE FEELS.

bro is confused af. Alpha my man! wait Alpha isn't a man? Alpha is a woman? is Alpha Alpha's name? why does she hide? why is she so quiet? why has she been avoiding me after I saw her face? maybe she's avoiding be because I saw her face

[chat-noir-always-here]

“Hey Arnold!” and “Miraculous!” parallels

Ever have an idea for a post that you take forever to get around to because 2020 is 

actively 

trying

to kill you?!

 Welp, that’s me. I mean, uh, this is that post.

Long post is long and I don’t like cuts cuz I’ve lost a few posts in the past using them. Please filter the tag “long post” I use it for walls of text like these.

So there’s this show from my childhood called Hey Arnold! 

Having been on air before I had cable (I and my unsupervised brothers and sisters spent our childhood watching Jerry Springer and Maury because there was literally nothing else on our cheap little TV. How hilarious is that?) I didn’t really have much of an experience with Hey Arnold! aside from brief little glances at it when i visited a friends home or the rare occasion where they showed cartoons at school. By the time I got satellite, the show was no longer on the air save for some late night reruns and the Christmas special which aired in December along with other Nickelodeon Christmas episodes (THE best Christmas episode EVER btw).

Really I couldn’t remember much about it until hearing about the Jungle Movie finally getting a release date (a total flop but at least its no cliff hanger) and decided to re-watch the entire series in preparation for said movie.

By which point I had discovered another show—Miraculous. 

At first glance the two shows have absolutely nothing in common. Miraculous being a French-born mahou shoujo-esque CGI superhero TV series about a couple of middle schoolers who regularly battle a walking peppermint-frappucino-looking psychopath. Hey Arnold! being a more realistic children’s sitcom about a young football-headed boy who deals out humanitarian aid in the form of advice and simple good deeds to his neighbors, classmates and friends. 

In terms of setting, logic, and animation the two series are as different as night and day.

So imagine my pleasant surprise to discover a whole post’s worth of parallels shared between the two shows???

And here they are in no particular order:

1)Arnold’s Parents/Adrien’s mom

Prior to the start of Miraculous, Emilie Agreste disappeared under mysterious circumstances leaving her family behind. Later on it was revealed that she was in fact sleeping (dead?) in a glass coffin beneath the Agreste mansion--unbeknownst to Adrien, or anyone else in Paris save for Gabriel and Nathalie.

In a similar fashion, Arnold’s parents, Miles and Stella, also disappeared prior to the start of Hey Arnold! and like Emilie were always referred to as “missing” rather than “dead.” 

The Jungle Movie later revealed Miles and Stella weren’t dead, but like Emilie appears to be doing in her coffin, they were sleeping. Having caught a bout of sleeping sickness (apparently they do not need to be hooked up to IVs or other medical devices while in a comatose state cuz fuck logic) they simply needed their orphaned son to come and cure them with the help of the magical golden heart Helga provided him with.

Perhaps Mari holds the key to waking Emilie? That would be nice to see. 

Not the miraculous of course--but some other key.

Although personally I’m hoping for a hardcore, devastating ending like Emilie dying, Gabriel going to prison where he belongs, and Adrien leaving the country for a bit until the second Hawk Moth shows up because I just like devastating cliffhangers and angst and being in utter turmoil over fictional people. But that’s just me.

2) Their best friends are dating

Smol parallel here: Arnold’s best friend Gerald and Helga’s Best friend Phoebe wind up together in The Jungle Movie after being imprisoned together by Lasombra. Similar to how Nino and Alya ended up together after being imprisoned by Ladybug (for their protection, of course).

3) The Bag of Money Episode/ The Ladybug episode

OOh boy both of these episodes make me rage. 

Some context about the Bag of Money episode: Arnold and his friends Gerald and Sid find a random bag of money containing almost $4000. Sid is ecstatic and wants to split the money evenly between the three boys, but Arnold worries it could just be lost and convinces them to let him, Arnold, take the money to the police station. On the way he accidentally switches the bag with another one that is identical and contains a bunch of useless junk, and when he tries to explain what happened to his friends they don’t believe him because their bag of money was accidentally taken by an “old lady with pink hair and a peg leg.”

 Arnold’s a good boy and he’s telling the truth--but the truth sounds crazy, even to my ears. Sid accuses Arnold of stealing the money and spreads lies to their classmates, whom Arnold has spent the ENTIRE SERIES helping in some form or fashion. Despite everything he’s done for them though, the vast majority of the class come to believe Arnold is a thief. Even Gerald, Arnold’s closest friend, nearly believes Sid over Arnold but eventually comes to Arnold’s defense. The other kids (save for Helga who doesn’t really make an appearance this episode) gang up on Arnold, but thankfully the old lady with pink hair and a peg leg shows up with an officer and together they explain the bag of money is now at the lost and found where it will remain and if gone unclaimed will be returned to Arnold, Gerald and Sid. 

Pretty much everything is resolved and things return to normal between the kids. 

But I hate this episode. I hate this episode so, so much. Arnold has spent the entire series helping these people out in some form or fashion. Literally thats the entire show. And after everything he’s done for them they’re so. Quick. To. Turn. On. Him. 

Sound familiar???

4) Hidden Personality                   vs.          Surface Personality

 I do not refer to the cruddy “true selves” thing half the Miraculous fandom believes in. Depending on one’s individual circumstances, environment and how comfortable they are, said person’s behavior can fluctuate or even do a complete 180. This can be kinda frustrating when dealing on one’s own--”Who am I anyway? Is that me or is this me???”

It’s all you, fam.

Arnold and Helga are themselves too, no matter what metaphorical/actual mask they put on. There’s the side that everyone sees and then there’s the side almost no one sees. The hidden personality isn’t hidden due to a lack of trust, necessarily, but rather it is the result of retreating to their respective “shells”--ones which both Arnold and Helga were kinda punched, kicked, and shoved into. 

Helga’s surface personality: Class bully, puts up a tough front, constantly torments Arnold because she can’t stand him and his niceness

Helga’s hidden personality: Poetic, abused and isolated, is in love with Arnold to the point of being obsessed with him and bullies him via surface personality in order to hide that fact

Of course Adrien is no bully--his reasons for not being the “cunning, funny, ultra-charming Chat Noir” 24/7 DOES have a lot to do with his toxic household, his dad, and the overwhelming expectations which are constantly smothering him as Adrien. 

Adrien is a bug under a magnifying glass (or so he feels)

Chat Noir is a chance for a freedom.

 Adrien’s surface personality was molded by his dad.

 Helga’s is the result of her entire family. Her father is brash and loud, her mother is a confirmed alcoholic, her sister is a gifted prodigy, well-rounded and spends most of the series at university or elsewhere. Although her sister, Olga, has been shown to genuinely care for Helga, Olga is kinda the reason their parents neglect Helga. With their first daughter being the genius and prodigy she is, Helga’s parents poured all of their pride and affection and parental devotion onto her. Meanwhile Helga had to walk to pre-school alone. At four years old. In the rain. Not for the last time. 

Which leads me to the next parallel.

5) Umbrella in the Rain

squeals in delight over this parallel<3<3<3

If you’ve never seen Hey Arnold! do yourselves a favor and watch this short little clip over how Helga and Arnold first met. If you have seen it, watch it anyway because it is the most adorable clip in the entire show.

Dr. Bliss: “So nobody’s ever noticed you?”

Helga: “...There was someone.”

The soft way Helga confesses that--you can actually hear how grateful she is to have such a tender memory from such a painful time. 

 In a similar manner, Adrien offered his umbrella to Marinette. Of course Adrien did it because Mari had to walk home in the rain and Arnold did it as a simple gesture of kindness (seeing as they were already at the school)--one of the many kind acts he displays throughout the series. 

 But just like Adrien needed unconditional love coming from somewhere, so did Helga. They were both denied this one common necessity which everyone else around them had. It’s not a lot to ask for, and they should’ve already had it coming from their families--but they didn’t.

 And then, one rainy day, there it was--the unconditional love they needed.

6) Clinginess

What happens when you take someone, specifically a love-starved abused child from an unstable home environment--deprived of the one thing most crucial to their mental well-being--and miraculously provide them with that very necessity? 

Clinginess. 

I can’t really think of the correct word to describe this. “Clinginess” is pretty close to what I’m trying to describe, if not on point, so let’s go with that. 

 What I mean is Helga and Adrien both need Arnold and Ladybug respectively. That’s not a bad thing--it’s okay to need somebody else. What’s bad is hinging your entire being on this one connection. For if either kiddo were to be left behind they wouldn’t handle it very well.

 It can’t really be helped with either Helga or Adrien. They didn’t really have the option to learn certain things and went deprived of unconditional love for such a long time. They’re kids--nine and fourteen/fifteen respectively. They’re not perfect and they’re traumatized for life. Being denied love from your family--the very people designed to love you--would do that to a person. Naturally they would cling to the first people to show up and provide them with the love they needed. 

 The Hey Arnold! wiki says this about Helga and Arnold’s relationship

Due to her unstable family upbringing where both her mother and father constantly neglect [Helga] and shower all of their attention onto Olga, leaving her deprived of the love and attention she needed growing up. On her way to preschool, Arnold helped her by keeping the rain off her with an umbrella and even complimented her on her hairbow. He even later gave her crackers during their snack time. Arnold's kindness and being the first person to notice her quickly caused Helga to transfer all of her love and attention to Arnold.

Of course Adrien’s tunnel vision isn’t quite as bad as Helga’s.

 He treats his friends better.

 He does love his father--

Even though his father is THE. 

WORST.

 PARENT.

 EVER!!!

--because he’s Adrien and he’s just too precious a cinnamon roll and that’s still his dad even if the man does belong behind bars.

7) Unhealthy Obsession

I--

I...

Ugh. I am not going to delve too far into this. You’re just going to have to take my word for it. Helga’s creepy stalker behavior is a thousand times worse than Marinette’s. That pic up there of Helga hiding out in Arnold’s room watching him is pretty decent evidence to back up my argument, but it’s hardly the only example or even the worst incident.

 Honestly I’m amazed at what Nicktoons were able to get away with in the late nineties/early 2000s. 

But yes, Helga’s obsession with Arnold is rather unhealthy in the most extreme moments leading her to display behavior which is more often than not disturbing and concerning. 

The Hey Arnold! wiki has this to say about Helga’s obsession with Arnold

Helga is possessive of her love for Arnold and thinks non-stop about him to the point of obsession. This is evidenced throughout the series by the many shrines and poems she makes of Arnold and of her frequent dramatic soliloquies about her love for Arnold.

Again--Mari isn’t as bad as all that. She’s a sweet girl with many healthy relationships in her life. She has ambition, creativity, and drive. But yeah she can be rather possessive of Adrien too, and that needs to stop. Like right now. Adrien doesn’t need another girl being possessive of him and thinking he’s perfect--he needs someone who acknowledges him as a flawed person and loves him despite that. 

As for Helga and Arnold--show creator Craig Bartlett confirmed they are “made for each other” and wind up married with three kids, so I’m guessing Helga grew out of some of these bad habits? Or at least I hope so...

8) Helper/Humanitarian tendencies

As mentioned before, the plot of Hey Arnold! is more or less about Arnold helping people. As stated by Gerald in The Jungle Movie, “He’s a humanitarian! Like his parents!” Of course not every episode is about Arnold helping people. There are episodes devoted to supporting characters and they’re just as enjoyable and satisfying. 

 But as he is the titular character he spends a lot of time in the spotlight. 

Remember that “best christmas special EVER” episode I mentioned before?

 The reason it’s the best special, in my less than humble opinion, is due to a few things.

 The special is not about Santa Claws. In fact, I don’t think he’s even mentioned, let alone shown and treated like an actual living character.

The focus on the entire episode is again on Arnold helping someone, but he doesn’t succeed. Not really.

The one who succeeded in helping someone was Helga, who accomplished the goal Arnold had set out to do. 

The episode deals with some rather dark subject matter and is actually quite heartwarming as the “perfect present” Arnold was trying to provide someone with wasn’t something you can buy in the store

It’s also one of the episodes where Helga’s love for Arnold leaves her to do good and as her love for him is a secret, she expects nothing in return. She’s just happy to help him.

 Kinda similar to Mari who is, as Adrien puts it in Mayura, “Our every day Ladybug.” Her kindness and devotion to helping others is what drives her as Ladybug and Marinette. It’s what brought Ivan and Mylene together. Is the reason Nathaniel and Mark now have a comic book together. And at the end of the day, that’s the reason for her strange behavior around Adrien--she wants to help him. Even if it’s just as a “good friend.” 

9) There are two main characters

Although Hey Arnold! is technically a show about Arnold, one could argue it is just as much Helga’s story. 

Similarly, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is named thusly in order to convey the fact that Adrien is just as much a main character as Marinette is. 

Although I must say Hey Arnold! did a much better job of giving it’s co-character their dues. GIVE. ME. MORE. CHAT NOIR. FOCUSED. EPISODES. DAMMIT.

But, yes, in terms of screen time, Helga gets about as much as Arnold does. Her story and struggles were given just as much importance as Arnold’s and many people have even come to believe that the show is really about Helga. I’d say its about both of them.

10) Constantly bumping into each other

Granted this happens between Arnold and Helga more often than it does to the love square dorks. 

 But yes the two people meant to be together keep knocking into each other in their respective universes. 

 I forget who, but I remember reading that someone a while back theorized that this was the universe’s way of trying to push Arnold and Helga together. Kinda like the “Now kiss!” meme

Perhaps it’s the same for Adrien and Marinette? 

;)

[fave-fanfic-for-now]

Shark Week

Warning: Mentions of menstrual cycle, swearing, men being clueless

Fem!reader

Requested: Yes - Hii, I would really like to read something about reader being in her period, and Din being a dumb when he saw reader’s blood in the bathroom because he thinks that reader is fucking dying because he’s mandalorian and he don't undestands female body. 

A/N: I stand by my belief that the Mandalorian’s aren’t the type of people who teach sex ed, biology, or anything else like that, so they can be clueless when first encountering something like this. BTW, I use salonpas patches to help with cramps, they work well in case anyone’s looking for something.

Requests are open

Masterlist

You don’t understand why women were forced to have babies and be cursed with the crimson tide, but you hated it. Why couldn’t biology and evolution have found a different way to help you develop in puberty and prepare for a baby? Why couldn’t men bleed for seven days and suffer from stomach and back cramps, nausea, breast swelling and tenderness, and mood swings? It fucking sucked and you’re done with it, the next planet you stop on they can remove your uterus.

You and Din had been together now for almost a year, hunting partners from the start, you slowly developed a relationship and started having sex six months in. He’s surprisingly gentle and while he has trouble with his people skills, he has improved so much with you, not that you minded how he was. Thinking to your hunting job, you and Din made an excellent team, no one stood a chance, you managed to find, catch, and return bounties faster than anyone else in the parsec, which is what Din is currently doing. While you sit here in the Razor Crest agonizing over why you were cursed with a uterus at this moment. Deciding the best thing right now is to slap some self-heating and pain relief patches on your back and stomach and go lay down for a nap after changing into your shorts. You quickly change your menstrual protection gear, wrap it in toilet paper and throw it away in the waste bin, not thinking anything else about it. Climbing into bed, for the first time, your eyes close as soon as you hit the pillow, sound asleep in seconds.

________________________________________________________________

Din’s done with the day, sick and tired of dealing with people whether they be Mandalorians or Greef Karga, he just wants to get off-planet and sit with you, maybe lay down with you wrapped safely in his arms until he’s forced to get up. Or he could decide to take you, screw you into the mattress or make love to you gently as he joins your bodies as one. Either way, he wants to be with you. As he enters the ship and notices it’s weirdly quiet for this time of day, assuming you’ve gone to the markets, he decides now is a good time to take a shower and metaphorically cleanse himself with a shower, washing all the stress away. When he enters the bathroom, he immediately manages to knock your hairbrush off the counter and into the trash can. Leaning down to get it, he has to sift through the trash to pull it out, coming across a wad of bloody toilet paper in the process, relatively fresh. ‘It’s not mine’ he thinks ‘which means it’d have to be-’

“Y/N!” He yells storming up the ladder to your shared room in a panic.

________________________________________________________________

You’re sleeping peacefully content, warm, comfortable when suddenly you’re awakened by Din roughly grabbing your ankle and pulling out of the bed. Grabbing your waist he picks you up and pulls you to the cockpit so he can see you in the better light, despite the speed and power he’s using, he’s being surprisingly careful with you.

“What happened?” He asks frantically, pulling off his gloves to run them up and down your legs and arms, switching to pulling your shirt off and looking you over, visor locking onto the pain patches on your stomach and back. “Who hurt you? Do you need to see a healer? Did you already see one? Is that why these bandages are here? What happened y/n?”

Din is frantic now as he grabs your face and holds it, forcing you to look at him through the helmet while both of you try to figure out what’s wrong.

“What are you talking about?” You ask, still sleepy, and trying to get your brain to function after it’s abrupt awakening. “I’m not hurt.”

“Then why do you have bandages on?”

“Wha-oh, they aren’t bandages, they’re self-heating pain patches.”

“Why do you have pain patches on if you’re not hurt and why is there bloody toilet paper wadded up in the trash bin.?”

“Because it’s shark week.” You can’t see it but you can imagine Din blinking rapidly as he tries to figure out what shark week is.

“What?” He asks slowly.

“I’m closed for maintenance.”

“Maintenance? Like...when...a droid gets repaired?”

“Kinda, I guess, yeah.”

“What?!”

“You know, it’s the crimson tide.”

“There...are no crimson lakes...on the planet.” He says again slowly and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head as he tries to understand what you’re saying.

“Din, babe, I have my period.” Shaking his head slightly but frantically tells you he still doesn’t understand, “It’s part of my menstrual cycle.”

“I...don’t…”

“Growing up, did the Mandalorians ever teach you basic sex ed and female biology, or any biology?” You ask as he lets go of your face as straightens up so fast you think you can hear his back crack, squirming slightly at the question.

“I don’t see why...no...not...at all…” he squirms more as you sit there staring at him.

“Ok, women have vaginas, as you are well acquainted with mine.” He snorts and nods a little as you motion for him to sit in the co-pilot chair. “Well, they are magical things that can clean themselves, birth a baby, be a great place to park a dick, and bring fun pleasure, but once a month they give a woman pure hell and pain.”

At this, he tenses again, not liking the sound of you being in pain.

“You see, it’s not only the vagina, but it’s also everything down there, cervix, womb, uterus, blah, blah, blah. Well, the uterus prepares your body to have a baby every month it makes a special lining so eggs can be protected, nourished, and grow when a woman is inseminated.” You don’t miss the spasm of Din’s hands or the tilt of his helmet as he looks to your belly, ‘does he have a breeding kink?’ “If a woman isn’t knocked up her uterus decides to throw a bitch fit. It begins to rip everything out, shreds our lining, destroys the egg, sends your hormones into flux which causes mood swings, and to top it all off, causes your muscles to contract in painful cramps to force your lining to be shed for seven days in a bloody mess known as the period. Which I affectionately call shark week.”

“You bleed for...seven days from…” he motions his hands towards your crotch as he speaks and you nod. “Doesn’t that get dangerous?”

“No, it’s not dangerous and it sucks, and it’s purely a punishment for not getting pregnant. How have you never noticed this before? We’ve been together a year.”

“Well, I’ve noticed you being moody at certain times and not wanting sex, but I just...thought it was something I did.” He says looking at the ground uncomfortably.

“Babe, it’s not something you did...not always.” You smirk when his head snaps back up to look at you.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you were in pain?”

“I’ve had worse in fights, it just never crossed my mind. How’d you find out anyway?”

“Oh,” he mumbles looking down again, “I knocked your hairbrush into the trash and had to dig to get it...I saw the bloody tissues.”

“Well, now you know the basics and I’d love to stay and talk, but I want to lay down again.”

“Ok,” he states standing up with you and walking you to the bedroom, “Is there anything you need?”

“Nah, I’m good.” You respond lying down and curling up again.

“I have to go do something, but I’ll be back later.”

“Ok.”

As he walks away you yawn and lay down, falling asleep after a few minutes.

________________________________________________________________

You have no idea how long you slept for, but when you wake, you’re wrapped tightly in strong arms and pulled against a hot body, with no armor or helmet because the room is so dark.

“Good morning” Din’s gruff sleepy voice coos in your ear, “well night, evening?”

“Whatever time it is, I’m glad your here,” you whisper back, rolling over to face him and capture his lips in a kiss.

“I have a surprise for you,” he says breaking away, “and if your cramps get too bad, I’ve read that orgasms help with them.”

“I feel gross, I don’t want sex, sorry.”

“That’s ok, but if you ask I can still give you an orgasm without sex, remember when we wanted to heat up on Hoth but were too cold to get undressed, so you were grinding on me until we both came? We can do that again.”

“I think, I will take you up on that offer later tonight.” You reply kissing him again before he pulls away and scoots to the end of the bed, pulling his helmet on.

“Come on, I have something to show you.”

Groaning, you follow him to the cargo hold where there are bags upon bags of...stuff everywhere.

“What is this?” You ask dumbfounded by everything.

“Well, I went to a few shops and asked some women for help, I also asked different species in case they had better methods than humans. There are different menstrual protection guards, comfy clothes, pain patches, heating pads,” he continues listing things as he looks through the bags, “chocolate, sweets, salty foods, fruit, blankets, oof,” he grunts as he trips over a bag. “Basically I bought whatever they told me too.”

“I can see that,” you mention grabbing a silk scarf and walking to him, wrapping it around your eyes lifting his helmet off his head so you can kiss him.

“You know what I want right now?” You ask sliding your fingers over his face.

“Chocolate or some sweets?”

“You know what else I want right now?” You correct yourself chuckling at the fact that he read your mind.

“No, what?”

“I want you to take me upstairs and hold me. Unless we have to be somewhere.”

“No, we leave tomorrow, and I’d love to hold you upstairs.”

“Then maybe we can revisit our Hoth adventure in a little.”

Din stands and offers you his hand, pulling you to your feet then throwing you over his shoulder as he carries you to bed. Laying you down and turning off the light, you can hear him change his clothes into something more comfortable and remove his helmet before he joins you, molding you to his body as he holds you.

“I love you y/n!” Din whispers kissing your head.

“I love you, Din.” You answer back holding him tighter, glad that he’s there with you.

Taglist: @readsalot73​, @coonflix​, @sparrows-corner​, @pedrosdoll​, @youmeanmybrain​,  @talesfromtheguild​, @dornish-queen​

[flying-elliska]

Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc