#hate being sick this is so frustrating
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Hhggggggggggggggggghhhh…
#hate being sick#hate calling in#especially since I don’t know all the protocols and I just started the new job#hate knowing that my manager has good points but i literally could not push through to be at work at this point#like I can barely even whisper#ma’am I know you’re doing your job and you probably deal with a lot of teenagers who just want to get out and don’t push through#I did that last week when I could push through#if I could do that right now I would I like this job#and I don’t have insurance for going to the doctor’s anymore so. doing that would cost a lot for a note and a ‘we can’t really do anything#for the flu’#hate being sick this is so frustrating#silver rambles#vent
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i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes
#ml#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#okay i lied i do have justifications#adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick#it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH#and marinette would absolutely spoil him#but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell#but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating#meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow#like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe#so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat#adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺
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once you test the Vah Ruta sequence--including the long-ass walk to the Domain--enough times you start gritting your teeth and hissing at Sidon to shut up every time he opens his mouth
#i'm also irritated all over again by how in vanilla botW it's all just. men standing around talking about mipha#being sad about her#arguing over how she felt and their biased perceptions of her#here in this mod and in aoc she actually gets to /do/ stuff#god. i just.#i love her but i hate how she's treated as just another fridged love interest in the end#i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired of fictional women getting fridged.#i want to cry with frustration just thinking about it#people get mad at me for saying such things but like.#i have seen so much of this kind of thing i'm allowed to be sick of it#she has more depth to her than the other champions but still. still!!!#i'm extremely cranky tonight ig#i do like sidon to some degree but the way he overshadows mipha both in her story and in the fandom tends to make me bitter tbh
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Read a (so far) unfinished slow burn Timebomb fic last night and could not take how slow the burn was so just wrote them kissing. There.
#arcane#timebomb#the perks of being a writer#i keep getting frustrated at my lack of drawing skill because i want to draw them kissing#at least this i can do#i probably should just work on my drawing skills too but i have the sickness#the “i hate being bad at things” sickness#so anytime i draw it's stuff i'm already good at drawing#and unfortunately that doesn't include my blorbos kissing
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my partner's family is 100% how i'm going to get covid
#i'm immunocompromised and i swear some people think that means hypochondriac who worries too much#her brother and his wife have covid. he tested positive on tuesday morning. on tuesday afternoon her parents saw the wife.#my partner wanted to see them this weekend and asked if they've seen her brother since he got sick and they said no.#it did not occur to ppl that the person who SLEEPS NEXT TO HIM and then TESTED POSITIVE a couple days ago was also included in that#on top of that her dad asked to hang out indoors because he's been feeling sick and didn't feel up to being outdoors...#i love them and it's important to spend time with them but oh my god how did you not put these pieces together#btw all this was revealed over an hour spent indoors eating together like. THEY DID NOT PUT IT TOGETHER#i really hope we don't get infected this round i hate this so much#please don't get me wrong her parents are genuinely a massive blessing in my life and i love them very much and am so so grateful for them#but i'm frustrated how unseriously the entire world is taking this#anyways if we get covid from them and not from my partner's brother's wife's family (half of whom are republicans) it'll be darkly funny#if i die from covid i'm haunting all of you btw for NOT FUCKING MASKING
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so I’m realising my intense anxiety for Hilda’s third season to come out is PROBABLY an autism thing
#like. it’s been 2 years of it being the same#the fandoms been in the same place and the show has too#and now it’s gonna change and it is giving me so much anxiety#when the special interest is so intense that you feel physically ill at the thought of new content because it’s just so overwhelming#<- that’s not my usual exaggerated ‘I’m so unwell’ thing either like I have layed awake at night feeling#sick LMAO#bc of s3#which is so frustrating because I’m excited! I love this show! I want more!#but because it’s so important to me. new content is going to have a big effect on me#and I don’t want it too cries#does that make sense? no? sick#it’s either an autism thing or there’s just something wrong with me either way I’d like this feeling to go away please it isn’t fun#hilda#textpost#it’s like I just want it to come out already so I can watch it and know what’s happening cause I hate not knowing what’s going on#i need to have. my information organised#and rn I don’t#and that makes me rlly anxious lolz#like I’m anxious for season 3 in a good excited way#but also in a geniunley bad way#I wish my brain was. normal lo#l#this got more venty than I meant it to sorryblads#might delete later#I’m sad hilda is ending bc it’s over and I don’t want it to be but#also it’s weirdly comforting to know that I don’t have to go through this intense anxiety again#cause I don’t get like this with other fandoms! dr who for example I’m living new content#but for Hilda I geniunkey feel unwell#it’s the same with the idea of there ever being new ducktales content#I care so much that it’s. bad for me lol??
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12:51am and I can't sleep.
Cool. This is fine. I want to cry.
#frustrated cause I'm exhausted by i have muscle aches so bad I can't sleep comfortably#but I**#Ky needs to snuggle me and/or massage my body aches away :c#I hate being sick!
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girl help my need to make money and work a job while at the same time finishing college has left me no time for the art I love and constantly exhausted n distant from all my friends
#>-)o#vent#personal#robin rambles#cant survive on the amount I make from commissions so i can't quit.#so close to being done with college but i dont want to like hate myself like this for my entire last two semesters#I'm so frustrated and dissapointed and exhausted all of the time and I'm so sick of it but theres literally nothing I can do#sigh.
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being pelted with drawing ideas at a pace so rapid I could not hope to keep up with is both an inspiring blessing and a horrible curse
#Venting in tags#I can't draw five different things at the same time brain PLEASE slow down I am going to explode#or just not go to bed today so that I can draw all of these in rapid succession#Other nuzzle comic + microwave + new pfp and banner + new ref/pinned for twt + pinned thread for tmblr + three tmblr quotes-#+ all the posts on twt and tmblr I meant to draw smth for and then got too sick to do so at the time + the funny things people-#have left in my rbs that I want to draw + the dozen posts in my ask box + the like 10 freenoodles comics/animation-#Ideas I have saved on notepad in my phone + all of the other things I've forgotten at the moment that will inevitably come back-#to hit me like a brick at 2 am tonight. help.#Turns out that being a.) Unable to draw for a month and b.) Being incapable of doing almost anything else except laying in bed-#Thinking about freenoodles over the same period of time are a terrible combination!! for me this is great for everyone else#I am so overwhelmed- happy!! Having freenoodles on the brain and being able to draw again is making me very happy!!#But I hate that I can't draw all this RIGHT NOW it's gonna take me foreverrrrrrrr to get through this list aughhhhhaaaaahhahhhgggg#This turned into a vent post on accident woops sorries#Not very serious- mostly made to write down all of the aforementioned ideas in the tags so I don't forget them#Frustrated but I stay silly- have a cookie for getting this far •v• >🍪
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#sometimes i find the degree to which i cannot concentrate very alarming#like bro i canno read. i have so much to do but i wanna sleep forever#i just have to get up and go somewhere else. normally id go transfer algae or run but im stuck inside and .y fingers r all cold#usually its just in the morning that I get thr high distress so its prob the meds#but yesterday was kinda fucked. ugh.i just need to run around but i cant#i have such a sinister combo of: brain stops me from being able to b productive and if im not productive i am compelled to do horrible#things. mood issues and 0cd is horrible. horrible feedback loop#i just wish i could breathe. itll b fine. eventually itll b summer again and itll b fine#its like someone's squeezing my throat. like im sick but i kno its just that im anxious#i was doing so well the past few days in terms of reading and productivity despite the distress#and im trying to b kind and roll with the punches but its so hard#like i kno i need to relax and not resist bc resistance makes it worse but it's just hard and im worried this is how itll always b#i wish i could go back on lamicta1. i felt way better on low dose of that then i do on low dose of abi1ify. its so hard to stay on this#just bc of how my head works. and like things were complicated with the lamicta1. maybe i wouldnt habe had a reaction if i didnt get a#tatto0 while upping the dose but now im marked as allergic so i prob wont b allowed to try any of thr anti convulsive type antidepressants#ugh. i hate this. its so frustrating#unrelated
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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#oaghhh diamox has me feeling really sick its the worst#i cant get outta bed i cant eat i cant do Anything ! just in pain and laying n bed#still have no idea why they have me back on these meds bc its making things So much worse :(#but unfortunately doctors even neurlogists only focus on weightloss and diamox already made me lose almost 100 pounds i feel SICK#felt healthier when i didnt lose that weight i am being 100% honest here. i hate diamox so fuckig much#frank.txt#also makes my body pain so much worse idk i just hate this brain thing#im thinking of just . stopping the meds even tho my neurologist says not to bc like even he says theyr not making a difference!!!#but he wants me on them so he can compliment my body shrinking every god damn appointment and remind me of how sick i am and feel#eugh#again . diamox doesnt impact my veins and im having an issue w veins in my neck and brain#bc of that im dealing w some pain. they fix that by putting in a stent but instead they just rlly want to like#see How Much Frankie Can Shrink#and ignore the fact that alll they can do is sleep bc theyr shrinking too much#fatphobia m#at least i gain back the weight and feel a million times better when im off tbe meds but still i hate it so bad#they even notice that i feel better after regaining the weight i lost and my optic nerves r no longer Damaged but like#idk .#its just Frustrating ! chronic illness moment
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some of you "leftists" will see a dude suffering mentally and physically under capitalism and be like "mmm should've introspected harder or maybe tried not being born bad and irredeemable" and call that praxis
#a lot of self described leftists have their principles fly directly out the window when they have to apply them to a dude that isn't#a special little uwu bean#rly frustrating to read some posts that come up on my For You page#monolithic thinking is so poisonous to the mind#how can we expect men to be better if we can't make space in our hearts FOR them to be better#this is why everyone hates us#we offer them no solutions only condemnation and ire#and no this is not apologia for genuinely awful men#like my father and grandfather abused me emotionally and physically my entire childhood and my entire life is fucked as a result#I have been targeted and assaulted by men for being openly and obviously queer and unapologetic about it#but I cannot hold those experiences as being indicative of a whole group#it goes against every principle I hold as a leftist and I'm so sick of the cognitive dissonance that exists in leftists spaces#when we discuss this topic
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being a crowley kinnie is harder than being a u.s. marine
#“it's a relationship that's up to interpretation” There Better Be Mad NDAs In Place Right Now#good omens 2#anthony j crowley#frustrated dyke ranting in the tags do not eat#(dont get it twisted i do not blame any of the cast/crew playing into the 'bromance' narrative)#(bc i get theyre under contract and things are sticky rn)#(just so fucking sick of queer love and relationships being boiled down to “up to interpretation” and erased)#not saying good omens is intentionally doing that it's more my outrage towards articles and season 2 promo that baits fans#while simultaneously belittling and gaslighting (bold word ik) said fans#and honestly? would just feel really nice to shove it in the face of everyone who insulted good omens fans for liking a ship#that's selfish and mean i know but it would be satisfying to have like an ofmd moment where i can point and say “look! i'm not delusional!”#especially bc neil has stated multiple times that it *is* a love story. even if they're not making out on screen or whatever#and i hate that queer representation has to always be an argument like this#wow i did not mean to go off for this long in the tags i've really been holding that in for a while
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#i feel like im building sandcastles with dry sand#im just. i dunno. im frustrated and tired and resentful of the fact that in order to recover u have to rest#bc i mean i haven't been like cough cough sick. my immune system was freaking thr fuck out for 10 days and i can feel the damage internally#like. i compulsively exercise and theres this feeling u get when u kno ur stressed and run down but u dont stop physically overextending#like u can feel the muscles start to tear and not heal. and thats how i started to feel last week#so its like i kno i need to rest but its like. u just had a 5 day weekend ur supposed to b refreshed for the end of the semester#but no. im just discouraged and tired. back to making dry sandcastles. shocking. when u feel bad its harder to function#lets see how this affects my ccaps score when i see my therapist Monday lol#itll b fine. just frustrating. im gonna meet with my advisor tomorrow and b like yo my ability to function had been severely limited in the#last week and a half. but yes im not ready to try reviving some new cultures. and hopefully i can autoclave at some point#i just feel like im being lazy and i hate it#the burdon of being ill of body and mind#unrelated
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sick and mentally ill rn #midnight
#cant let the thoughts consume me but i keep getting frustrated easy#i hate being sick so much it makes me wanna hit things :-[
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