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#itll b fine. just frustrating. im gonna meet with my advisor tomorrow and b like yo my ability to function had been severely limited in the
opens-up-4-nobody
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8 months
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes
#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on
#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done
#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well
#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them
#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right
#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried
#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway
#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week
#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend
#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?
#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru
#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep
#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway
#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week
#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems
#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed
#unrelated
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opens-up-4-nobody
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10 months
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#i feel like im building sandcastles with dry sand
#im just. i dunno. im frustrated and tired and resentful of the fact that in order to recover u have to rest
#bc i mean i haven't been like cough cough sick. my immune system was freaking thr fuck out for 10 days and i can feel the damage internally
#like. i compulsively exercise and theres this feeling u get when u kno ur stressed and run down but u dont stop physically overextending
#like u can feel the muscles start to tear and not heal. and thats how i started to feel last week
#so its like i kno i need to rest but its like. u just had a 5 day weekend ur supposed to b refreshed for the end of the semester
#but no. im just discouraged and tired. back to making dry sandcastles. shocking. when u feel bad its harder to function
#lets see how this affects my ccaps score when i see my therapist Monday lol
#itll b fine. just frustrating. im gonna meet with my advisor tomorrow and b like yo my ability to function had been severely limited in the
#last week and a half. but yes im not ready to try reviving some new cultures. and hopefully i can autoclave at some point
#i just feel like im being lazy and i hate it
#the burdon of being ill of body and mind
#unrelated
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