#hasn't been an awesome week but i got a lot of writing done so that's nice :')

[aethersflood]

Title: Golden As They Come Category: M/M Chapters: 2/? Pairing: Clive Rosfield/Joshua Rosfield Additional Pairings: Cidolfus Telamon/Jill Warrick, Dion Lesage/Terence Fandom: Final Fantasy XVI Rating: Explicit

Read here!

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Hey Aerie! Did someone really just fucking stole an idea from you??? Wtf I'm mad about this.

If you don't want to talk about the werewolf (!!!!!!) Neil au bc of that I totally understand, but I would also listen if you'd talk about it! (I'm maybe a little bit feral about werewolves... I know you like vampires a lot ;-) but I am a slut for werewolves...)

I hope you are asleep right now but have a great day when you read this!! Love you <3

Unfortunately I was not asleep when I got this last night. Lol. It was 2am and I had just laid down. :') <3333 But I love you! <33 Also omg werewolves were my shit when I was younger, then somehow it swapped to vampires? :'))

Also if you want I'll tell you about the 'fic-stealing incident'. It was really annoying but it all worked out and I will now be writing it for the Paranormal Fic Fest instead. YAY! So nothing truly terrible happened but it was stressful and annoying at the time.

Beware: super long ramble under the cut. Unless you're Cody c-lion you probably don't wanna open that. :'))

The reason I never talked about this on my blog is because I figured somehow people would think I was in the wrong and send me mean shit. :') But what happened was... I signed up for the big bang again this year.

I wasn't going to because last year my artist partner literally disappeared and the mod didn't bother to tell me they dropped until I asked if they could check on them. But I figured I'd try again anyhow. So I came up with two ideas. (One being demon neil, which I submitted for the bang. And the other was werewolf neil, which I am SO insane about.)

I wrote outlines for both and decided to use the demon neil one. Then I got my partner assigned and they... Hardly ever responded. I mean, I answered them within minutes. It would take them several days to reply. Every single time. Then it got to a point where they just didn't answer at all for two whole weeks. I figured they were ghosting me, like last year.

They message me the day before the check-in and ask if the art idea (that I suggested) would be alright. Like. They hadn't started at all. I hadn't either, since they had disappeared. I didn't answer. Instead I told the mod I was dropping. And they said they would have another writer write my fic for me. Like...

Uh... It's the first check-in. The artist hasn't done shit yet. Why on earth would you give my fic to someone else? Like normally, this might not have been a problem. If I had been really vague with my idea. But when I wrote out my prompt I gave a lot of detail. I thought the more the better, so the artists would know what they would be working with. However...

Since I gave so much detail, they would've been writing My Fic. Not just a random au where Neil happens to be a demon. I mean I gave a simplified version of the plot? So. That would've been so suckish. But I explained to the mod that I wanted to keep my idea and they said they'd reassign the artist to a different writer instead.

So everything worked out in the end. But I was very, very upset when it was happening. Like... I had a bit of a panic attack. Which sounds stupid I guess. But I had planned this all out and I was in love with it. You don't kidnap a baby and hand it to some rando? TwT (My writing is all I have. I'm aware that it's sad, but it is true.)

Anyhow! I won't be doing a random partner event ever again because the last two have sucked. :')) (This is no shade to the mods or anything. I get it must be hard to run stuff. But partners disappearing and stuff... Sucks major ass. I don't wanna have to depend on a random stranger for a partnered thing.)

The first bang I ever did was amazing! It was for a different fandom, back in like 2017. But the partner I had for that was awesome and really sweet. We were friends for a while afterwards. So I guess my expectations were too high I guess? :')

But yeah! That was all that went down. Nothing terrible in the end. I just got very autistic-ly upset about my baby almost being snatched. (My friend's dms were... full of me blubbering about it:')) That being said! I will definitely have to come and talk about werewolf neil at some point! (And... maybe... add him to wipw... Eventually...)

If you read this far you're a saint. I love you! <3 Muah.

[drarrygirl27]

Hello Peeps!

I haven't been on here in a long ass time once again. At this point, I think it's just to be expected of me. LOL! 😆

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted. So... First of all, Nezuko is doing well. She's already a year and 4 months old already. Where in the hell did the time go?! She hasn't gotten too much bigger though which is why Doug and I both refer to her as our forever kitten. She's on the lean and petite side which is pretty common when it comes to female cats. She has recently gotten fixed, but if her surgical site looks like it is mended at least for the most part (It's been healing very well from what Doug and I have seen throughout this week.) by the time Doug gets back from work today (This is officially her 7th day of recovery since we had her fixed.), she'll finally get to be completely free and not have to stay in a relatively well sized dog kennel for most parts of the day anymore which would be awesome for all because she's missed her freedom to do as she pretty much pleases in the apartment and Doug and I have missed her and her kitty cuddles and such and she has missed that as well. We have fairly recently allowed her some supervised time out of the kennel in our bedroom with the door shut so she can get a little exercise and such which of course she has really liked and just yesterday, she went back and forth here and there between where Doug was at and where I was at in our bedroom to get some good quality time and get nuzzles, snuggles, and cuddles in too as well.

Second of all, we've had another cat for probably about 2-3 months now considering that he was estimated to be 6 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days old on May 30th for when him and Nezuko both got fixed. His name is Tanjiro. Unfortunately, with a lot of things that were going on at that time and the time before then, we couldn't seem to find the time, money, and or energy in some cases to get some things done including getting both Nezuko and Tanjiro fixed at technically a good or decent time so that by now, they could have been properly socialized and such, but recently we've been getting some things going and prepared which is good because of the 3rd really big thing that has been going on for a long while now. However, before I get to that, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for when it comes to anything and everything pertaining to all of these crazy changes. We are most definitely going to need it for many reasons. You'll see why for when I mention the 3rd and biggest change that is very life-changing in and of itself that is happening in the Jones and Filkins household.

Third of all, I'm pregnant! Doug and I both have been trying to get pregnant from June 1st of last year. I officially stopped taking my birth control pills on that day after we discussed it with my OB prior to that. I started feeling mild nausea for about 3 months starting in August or September I want to say in the early morning hours to about late afternoon hours of the day everyday and around that time and sometime after my period had started to regulate naturally, my flow was starting to fluctuate in quantity here or there (I made myself some charts that went from that specific pack of my birth control pills, including listing the last day I took one, and the day I stopped taking them altogether, that I was stopping on to June of next year because that's what my OB suggested for Doug and I to do before looking into our fertility and such like that (Not the detailed month charts. Writing down the month charts was my idea to keep track of things.). Then there was some spotting here and there happening more and more frequently as the months went by until there was almost nothing to absolutely nothing really showing up sometime in September or October if I'm remembering the months correctly so Doug advised me to take some pregnancy tests. I took the first two from the package on Nov. 5th and both the digital and + or - said positive. Well I did my due diligence just to be on the safe side of things and waited exactly a week after Nov. 5th to take the second two from that exact same package (a digital and + or - one) relatively around the same time in the morning that I took the first two and both of those also said positive.

We both were pretty sure that I was pregnant given my symptoms and the 4 positive tests that were taken exactly as the directions written in the pamphlet, but whenever we told his immediate family about it, we did both say that it's still just a possibility that I could be pregnant and that this wasn't technically an official announcement and that we won't know for sure for sure until getting it officially confirmed with my doctors so to please not say anything about it to anyone else until we get confirmation on it. They were of course very excited just like we were about the real possibility that I could be pregnant.

Fast forward to Nov. 28th, where we get told by my primary physician that the pregnancy test that they just did had come back positive. So... By that point, we have 5 pregnancy tests in total all saying positive which in and of itself was incredibly surreal, but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing could have prepared me for how more surreal things could get until I went to get my first out of 4 total ultrasounds I've had done where I got to see my baby for the first time right there in front of my eyes on the screen and hear their heartbeat on Dec. 7th. No words that I could ever think to say would be able to describe even a little bit of the feelings that I felt hardcore while I was seeing this little human inside of me and hearing their heartbeat especially for the first time. That was the moment it felt incredibly real, but still so surreal at the same time. After trying to conceive for just a small number of months, Doug and I were officially on our journey of parenthood.

So... As you can see here a lot of changes are heading mine and Doug's way and any day now I'll be having our baby because I am now according to the What to Expect App, 39 weeks and 5 days along and the estimated due date is literally this Sunday, June 9th which is insane because my own birthday is this coming Monday. Either way, you look at it Doug is going to be dealing with not only two Geminis (We be crazy sometimes. We're fun, but things can get crazy with us here and there.), but two female Geminis. May the Lord and all the highest, bless him and his soul is all I have to say. LOL! 😆

So... Yeah those are the biggest changes from last year to now that has happened and or is happening still. Oh and Doug and I both have a raise coming up in September and it's actually a really good one to be honest especially his because he gets paid more as a Plumber for the school district than I do as a Custodian for the school district, but what I have coming my way per hour is pretty damn good. I'm not at all complaining about it. Oh and another thing, whenever I get back to work from my maternity leave, I'll be at a different campus. I'm going to miss my boss and my co-workers and the people I've cleaned for and such, but I have to do what is best for my daughter which is why I'm being transferred to a different campus so I can work the morning shift while Doug works the evening shift. I'm a bit nervous and anxious about it, but a tad bit excited too because while the morning shift custodians get paid a little less than evening shift custodians do, it's also usually from my very little experience doing it at other school campuses a bit easier cleaning wise so that's a plus in my book especially being a new mom and all. My new work shift will be 6 am-2:30 pm instead of 2:30 pm-11 pm, but I know I'll be all right. I adjust to different work shifts relatively well. It'll take me, mind and body wise probably at most 2 weeks to adjust to that time difference especially as long as I allow myself enough time to eat a good breakfast and enjoy a cup of coffee before getting my work day started.

Well... I believe that just about covers it really at least for now. Have a good day and Ttyl, Peeps!

Sincerely, Kendra E. Jones

[nexuschampion]

Guest Grumps

@accioturtur after your reply, I got an idea to build up to something around valentine's day, maybe. I'm trying to post a few things a week, art or writing or whatever, so....

Here's another bit of fun he gets to have, this time with Game Grumps.

"So you're a fucking turtle dude?"

"Wow, you does your wife accept that level of foreplay? Damn, jump right in why don't you? Not even a little but of lube or anything?"

"I'm sorry. For the record you did say you are 0% capable of being offended."

"Yes I did. And yes I am a turtle, and also human. I'm the hottest crossover in the history of the all time."

"This is so crazy. Never did I imagine in my life that playing video games for a living on youtube would lead to this moment. You sir, are a legend and I am in utter awe."

"Aww, thank you. I am utterly awesome so it's to be expected."

"Literally though? Are you literally a fucking turtle?"

"Arin oh my god. You do not ask the mutated turtle man with biceps the size of your head about his physical relations with his wife when he specically said it's the one thing he won't talk about!"

"I'm sorry I'm curious! It's hot! It's kinda hot? Right?"

"Dan the man is right. My biceps really are as big as your head and you should refrain from asking questions about my dick, no matter how interested all you weirdos are in it."

"Arin has no problem talking about his dick or what it does any day of the week."

"Oh I don't either. So many people are curious but it's so dumb. I am a literal miracle of science and the supernatural and that's what people want to know about? That and taking a dump or paying taxes."

"Do you make those like, turtle mating noises?"

"Oh my god Arin!! " Dan waited a beat. "Anyway, so your wife?"

"What about her?" Mikey tensed noticeably, grip on the controller causing an audible uncomfortable groan.

"Wow, that was a visceral reaction, Arin did you see that?! Holy shit!"

"Sorry. Sorry! I'm usually on the defense when it comes to her. I've had to be lately. She onboard with outing ourselves, even more than me, but it's been a challenge."

"Well, clearly your wife can handle herself but my question is actually not about her at all anyway. Mad respect to her for taking all of that on. You though, seem to, overnight, so…how does it feel to get complete validation for every furry in existance that was ever made fun of? How has that been for you? Single handedly making the entire world question themselves? You know there was someone out there that just completely hated furries, like with a passion, and got one look at you and was like…'Oh…' and their whole world just fell apart."

"Oh it's been a blast. I mean it hasn't, at all, but there is something really fun about rubbing it in people's faces when you're relationship goals for so many people. Not that there isn't some truth to us being very not normal, but you know, it seems like having an option outside human isn't the worst thing. It's getting wierd though, the focus people have on it. Again, literal miracle of science here. Why is that so interesting?"

"I think it has become quite the thing for a lot of people. You do both seem to really be solid in your relationship though and she is quite lovely. I met her for like 30 seconds as she was heading out and I was just getting here. When we're done I'd love to talk about that a bit more because I can't even imagine the conversations you've had to have had in the past few months."

Mikey snorted. "We are very solid. We talk about everything and make all the major decisions together. But it shouldn't be a thing though. I'm rare, I get, but still. It was easier not being anything at all than having all the attention now. Anyway, when we met we had an instant connection on pretty much every level. Hell until I met her I was even the least interested in a serious relationship of any kind. Neither of us were."

"Were you curious?"

"Sure, of course. But I'd accepted the reality of never experiencing it like a week into puberty."

"Sometimes it just takes a little time to, you know, find the right person."

"Sure, let's go with that."

"So, do you make those turtle mating noises?"

Mikey snorted with with deeply authentic laughter. "Anyone who wants to know is welcome to try and find out. I consider it a challenge. One that I will absolutley win because you have never met a man so completely and wholly taken and in love with the most incredible woman in the world."

"I would not recommend trying that, for anyone out there who's actually thinking that might be good idea. This man is very intimidating."

"It's not like I'm an asshole! Usually. I'm actually a just a softie teddy bear."

"The most lethal looking teddy bear I've ever seen but I digress. Seriously, we actually have been talking for years now, you've even been on the show if anyone wasn't aware. You're really funny and clearly a very good dude. It still blows my mind that the guy behind all that was you. When you were on the show before it was just like, so normal you know? Not that you aren't. I mean you aren't but like, you know! I don't know! I'm not smart enough to navigate this delicate social situation! Seriously though I don't understand how you take a piss either so I understand the curiosity."

"What's that say about the size of your brain?"

"Have you seen yourself? You are a terrifying wall of solid muscle. I'm nervous okay? I say stupid stuff when I'm nervous! I get star struck very easily!"

"Arin we are literally sitting next to a human turtle mutant man who looks like he's bullet proof and is three times as wide as us and you insist on wanting to know things like how he takes a piss?! Calm down."

"I'm nervous Dan!!"

They all laughed, Mikey more than the other two, obviously enjoying how uncomfortable his host was. "Don't worry" he giggled. "I'll be gentle."

"So is that like part of the mutant thing or do you actually do crazy workout like Hollywood actors and body builders and stuff? Seriously like do you know Gunnar Peterson or what?"

"I don't know. I've never tested that theory but if you're offering an all expense paid vacation to Hawaii to not work out for a year, I'm down? I have a hunch it's just the way it is unless I try really hard. Most of my life I lived on pizza so I don't think diet factors into it too much you know? I only started thinking about actually trying to be healthy in the last ten years or so. I figured I should at least be trying to be healthy. I'm as clueless about this whole situation as anyone else."

"I could like work out 8 hours a day and eat only steamed broccoi and chicken and this is the best I've got" Arin laughed. "What do you actually do on a regular basis? Out of curiosity."

"I think this is where I'm legally required to say that I am different and what applies to me 100% cannot in any way apply to anyone else. But I do workout everyday, even when I wasn't training with my brothers. My whole life has been about being able to take care of myself and my family so it's kind of like sleep or food. It was necessary to survive you know? Plus I'm definitely a bit of an adreneline junkie. I recently learned to snowboard and wow, it had been awhile since I found something so exhilerating that really has no limits to how extreme you can get with it. I think that is the last time I really got a high from doing purely physical stuff like that."

"Do you hear yourself? We play video games for a living! We are like, the two least qualified people in the world to comprehend any of that."

"Speak for yourself dude! I'm trying to be more adventurous!"

"Arin, I love you, but working out with Mark two times and walking through Runyon canyon does not qualify you as adventurous."

"Daaaaan, you're embarrassing me in front of the cool guy."

"Are you serious? You two are the cool guys. I literally spent all but the last six months being non existant. I'm not complaining at all because I don't have any regrets about my life but watching guys like you succeed gave me hope that maybe someday I could actually be a part of it all in person. It was actually one of the first things I thought about when I realized I was exposed."

"Um, I beg to differ, Mr. I've literally saved so many lives and cities and oh my god you've proably actually saved the whole planet and you're HERE. With US! You really don't have your priorities straight my dude. Your first thought after defending a whole fucking city could not have possibly been 'I wonder if Arin and Dan are up to?'."

"It's okay Arin. He's here because he wants to be, calm down. You have to recognize and accept that there are amazing people who do amazing things, like firefighters, every fucking day, but they are still just normal, regular people that also might like watching two losers play video games all day. It's a service we are happy to provide."

"Thank you!!! I was there day one with everyone else for Breath of the Wild. I have been there for every iteration of Resident Evil. I have played every Minecraft challenge and I will destroy you Mario Kart. I will even support your venture into any indie horror game and I am just as psyched about the next hot sci fi and comic book movie as anyone and I will defend to the death that New York has the best pizza across the board."

"Ok ok enough of the lovefest what are we playing today on Guest Grumps, Arin?"

"Mario Partyyyyyyyyyy!"

"Ah a true skill based name. Nice."

"We typically like to choose easy games we can play while we talk and give each other shit. You down?"

"I am all in. I am going to give you some shit so you better keep your pants on. I don't want to smell the stink coming from your underwear when I wipe the floor with you."

****an hour in****

"So I heard you give an interview at one point where you were talking about your family and you've said you're brothers are still around. We've got siblings too but I seriously doubt it was anything like your childhood. What was that like?"

"Oh…well, I don't talk much about them because they all do their own thing, but yeah my family is really important to me but we've had our struggles. It was pure chaos growing up, oh my god. We were just the worst. Imagine four absolutely off the rails wild teenage boys just running around, high on life. Highly disciplined mind you, in the name of my very strict father, but absolutey insane. It was the absolutely the best of times."

"What changed?"

Mikey was quiet for a moment, focusing on his play in the game, before he answered. "Life I guess. It was more than that honestly, but it took nearly two decades to start to put things back together. There was a time when I was way more concerned about not being exposed as a mutant and ruining my career than the well being of my own brother who was really facing some significant demons. I do not look back and think I was a good guy back then. Not a douche or anything, I just should have done more for all of them because we all went through some really serious shit."

"Damn. I'm glad things are better."

"Yeah. Um, mostly. We haven't totally fixed what the problem was, but we defintely realized that the only way we were going to was to do it together."

"Oh my gawd, I think I'm gonna cry" Dan choked.

"Hey! Using humor to deflect is MY tactic! "

"Ha! My roll is 9, NICE. Prepare to be LOSERS!!"

"That's your first star Dan."

"Arin, I am TRYING to pretend like I care." Mikey snickered as Dan added. "May I say something?"

"Sure. No one is catching up to me anyway. We might as well just turn this off and…" Mikey reached out with his toe to pretend like he was after the power button before pulling back with a laugh when Arin actually started to try and stop him.

"So, we knew you before all this, at least a little."

"Yup. I was incredibly thankful you knew me enough to invite me on. It was probably the most fun I'd ever had as a result of my writing, I'm not gonna lie."

"That is incredibly sweet! I don't know how the hell we manged that, but we really had a good time too. And we were right there with the rest of the…well…world I guess when your friend made the announcement and everyone had a first glimpse of you. Like officially."

"That was me."

"When we heard who you were, we were immediately on the phone like "Arin are you seeing this!?!'. We were legitimately worried. I think I speak for both us when I say we were very happy when we learned you were okay. That was incredible what you did and we did just want to thank you for that, it's my own home turf so it really meant a lot to me specifically. It was so uplifting to see someone step in and turn the tide for something that could have been so, so much worse. And continues to do so!"

"I just did what I always have to do because I know I'm usually the only one that can." Mikey stared hard at the screen for a moment. "Thank you though, I appreciate that. It isn't easy."

"Does it get to you?"

"What?"

"Obligation? To like, risk your life to save people."

"I don't do anything I don't want to do."

"Oh so you LIKE fighting monsters like a real life version of monster hunter?"

"Well I mean come on, I pretty much AM one. And no, I don't really like it but I guess…I guess you could say it's a bit of a comfort zone."

"Excuse me, what??"

"Yeah what? How many things have you dealt with anything like that?!?! You know what, don't answer that, I don't think we need to know I don't think anyone needs to know."

"Good call, shit for brains. Are you actually going to attempt to out maneuver me here?"

"Damn stright I am. Whatch me!"

****20 minutes later, final bonus star time****

Arin laughed as Dan wracked up his 6th star in the final bonus round, easily besting the other two to win. "Okay so, since this is obviouslly rigged, what about your life is really different than before? Besides everyone knowing who and what you are. If you could tell people one thing, nows you're chance. As if you need help from our little corner of the internet, but it's an opportunity, you know?"

"Mmm" Mikey hummed thoughtfully. "I get you. I want the world to see Shadow like I do. And vice versa, to be honest. She is so incredibly special and it does drive me crazy a bit that she's mostly associated with me now. She's so good and wonderful in all the ways."

"She was very lovely. In the 5 seconds I spoke to her."

"And I guess I'm worried now about not being everywhere. It was different when no one knew I existed. If something awful happened and we weren't there, we didn't have a lot of guilt over it, you know? Now I kinda feel like I'm expected to always be around for any emergency but I'm just, not. I can't be."

"Oh I'm sure. People are probably getting mugged, wondering where you are. Like shit happens literally every second of every day and I really, really hope there isn't any actual sentiment out there expecting that you are obligated to do anything at all, ever."

"Not really, I don't think. "

"It's not even your fucking job."

"No it isn't. I'd much rather leave rescuing to professionals. If I show up things are very, very bad."

"Well there you have it. If you have time, we'd love to go for another game, your choice?"

"I'd love to. We're out here for a few days but we, ok I, have literally no real plans for free time."

"No Disneyland? Universal? None of it?"

"Mmm maybe next time. My presence tends to cause crowds, either from alarm or fame take your pick. There's plenty to do here anyway. Food to eat. Beaches to hit. Interviews to give."

"Well until next time on Game Grumps, see ya everyone! Michelangelo, Mikey, will be back in the next episode! What are we going to be playing?"

"Oh it's a surprise."

"Fuck it's like Mario Kart, isn't? Damn it!"

"Bye!""

[neuroborreliosis]

2.3.2024

friends fall by the wayside but we don't want to let them go, lest some precipice open its lip and swallow them whole.

what to do with all the feelings that come up? how to write them before they are dampened?

how to write about feelings when you're so accustomed to big feelings that they don't even feel so big anymore?

i haven't written an update in the better part of a week. i've been crocheting a lot, mostly. i'm making a shrug for myself, with big flared sleeves. it's coming along - the neck/chest is complete, and i'm almost done with one whole sleeve. then i gotta crochet the next sleeve and it'll be complete.

i've also been depresso sauce. i guess. not anything sensational, just the afternoon doomies reaching down from gray skies to wrap around me.

i think it's from the antibiotics. but maybe it's from lack of sunlight. but i'm taking vitamin d! maybe it's from being alone in this big house for hours while dillon and jules work all day. maybe it's from having the energy sucked out of me by spirochetes.

i don't know what to say. i gotta say something. i'm here. i'm shitting regularly again, at least. i ate a burger two nights ago, and salmon last night, after going too long without a good hunk of meat. i felt so weak. i feel a little less feeble since i got some boosts of protein.

my one friend in particular, whose name i won't mention (i don't want to put his shit on blast) is going through it. he always is. he has been for several years. we met at my third high school, city-as, the one i actually graduated from. we had a class together and sat next to each other and found out that both of us were really into film and wanted to make movies. we swapped movie recs, we talked about cinematography. he was also a talented photographer of all things very nyc. all of us city-as homies used to go to what we called "thirsty thursdays" at the galleries in chelsea. the school was in the west village. after school on thursdays, like clockwork, we'd trek up to chelsea and go to free gallery openings, where we'd look at the art and get drunk off of free wine and beer that they served at these things. it was awesome. sometimes, we'd sneak into gallery stairwells to smoke weed. sometimes we'd walk the couple blocks to riverside park to light up. either way, this was definitely a highlight every week. this friend of mine, he would come. and later, after we'd all graduated, he actually had a show there! his debut photography exhibit. this kid could go places. he had something, a special kind of sight, that he gave us all through his photographs. he's still around, but for the last several years, pretty much since high school (almost ten years ago, jesus! i feel old) he's been dealing with dope addiction. he can't afford a phone, hasn't been able to for years, but we keep in touch over instagram, which he sometimes gets to access on other people's phones, and he calls me every so often from random numbers. he usually is asking for money. i throw down, because i love this kid. i want him to be safe and i don't want him to have to do sex work for money because i know for a fact that he hates it. anyway, he called me last week for money. i told him i could send him a few bucks, but that i'm broke and what money i do have came from my gofundme and it's set aside exclusively to be used for lyme disease treatment.

i dunno why i felt the need to write about this. maybe because i'm just sad. i'm sad for him, for the loss of his father to suicide, for his dreams and his brilliance shelved. i know what it's like to be deep in addiction, and it hurts so goddamned much to know all i can do is be here for him. it hurts so much to know that i can't make things easier, that i can't make him want to stop using. i just hope he keeps up with his art - he's also a brilliant writer, by the way - and that he finds a way to keep at it and share it with the world. and i hope he stays safe and warm and out of harm's way.

[starlit-bawka]

20 Questions For Fanfic Writers!

No way I got tagged by the really awesome @h4mm132l1c3, and ill tag a couple of other people too probably

1: How many works do you have on Ao3?

Currently I've got 59 things on AO3!! There are a couple more on my long-defunct wattpad though, and I've got a bunch of December whump I need to catch up on too so there will be more

2: What's your total Ao3 word count?

72,774!! Wow!!! And like...90% of that is oneshots! Go me!

3: What fandoms do you write for?

Currently writing for DSMP and QSMP the most atm :O I also write for the PJO fandom, Homestuck, and DR on occasion, too. I get very tempted to write for Stardew Valley and Scott Pilgrim, and I have been. More than tempted to write CareBears stuff too. I'm in deep chat

4: Top five fics by kudos?

(Un)Lifetime Achievement Award, Take Your Secret Son to Work Day, Las Nevadas and the Frozen Fox, Alone I Began, and Of Lost Gods!

5: Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

For the most part yeah! I don't get too too much interaction and I just get!! So excited when I get comments! I love seeing what people say and I love to respond! But sometimes I don't, often cause I don't know what to say lol

6: What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm,,,good question! Probably Why Do I Cry? or maybe Famous Last Words? Gone are the Joys I Knew? I don't really know! I write a lot of sort of mopey sad fics ig LMAO

7: What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

mmmmmmm,,,,not sure for this, either! My Fundy Fluff Week stuff is all supposed to be sorta fluffy which is probably happy

8: Do you get hate on fics?

Not hate, per say, but comments on the accuracy of my characters, which kinda stabbed my ego a bit lol. It was a nice comment! But the way it was worded was so ouchie!

9: Do you write smut?

I've. Been tempted. As of right now I haven't, though!

10: Do you write crossovers?

Another one of me being tempted!! I haven't yet but I LOOOOVE to read them and so I'd love to write one sometime. (We aren't counting my old VLD Steven Universe au.)

11: Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so! Fingers crossed it hasn't happened lol I doubt it would

12: Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! But if someone were to want to, I would say go ahead! Just send it to me so I can see :D sounds so cool!

13: Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Very recently was my first time doing a proper co-write/collab, which I did with my lovely friend Seven! I would love to do more they're so fun (and probably one of the only ways I'll easily end up writing a multichap KEKW)

14: What's your all-time favorite ship?

ouuuuu ive got a lot of pairings I really really cherish. Jercy my beloved, uhhh Valgrace is so silly, I like to consider myself one of The Kamuegi writers ever, and Pumpkinduo kind of holds an insanely special place in my heart

15: What's the WIP you hope to finish but doubt you ever will?

(Un)Lifetime Achievement Award as sad as it sounds. I love it so much and I'm so insanely proud of it and I love the story but there's soooo much planned and the person I was planning it with hasn't spoken to me in a while. I have hope that I'll finish it someday! Or at least get another two chapters out!

16: What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhh,,,,I don't. actually know! I do a lot of flowery sentences ig? and I think I'm pretty good at angst and similar things

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

Making (and completing) multichap fics, getting ideas to write, finding the motivation to write, and I am definitely bad at planning things out in advance

18: Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done it pretty sparingly in the past, because I want to incorporate other languages and loooove language, but don't know any of them very well aside from English. But I try to do a lot of research before I add something in, and am 100% open and insistent that someone correct me if I messed up, or if there's another way to go about saying what I'm trying to say, or just to tell me more!

19: First fandom you wrote for?

Never published because I was a kid and it was. So Bad but !!! It was actually for the Minecraft Roleplay series Mary and Dad's Minecraft Adventure (MADMA) back around 2011-2013. I've been in mcrp hell for. a LONG time jesus christ

20: Favorite fic you've ever written?

ohhhh good question. Fullbury Records is very special to me and I'm ALWAYS thinking of what to add to that series, and (Un)Lifetime Achievement Award ofc is also very special to me. I think Heart to Heart is going places once I get back to writing the next chapter, too But I'm also veeeerrry proud of Famous Last Words, and it's very special to me as a projection piece LMAO

Tag time!!

@dyke420-69 @sparrowsong07 and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it lolol be sure to tag me so I can see :D

[lihikainanea]

tiger napping at bill's house and she wakes up having started her period and shes so embarrassed and her cramps are terrible because she hasn't taken any pain meds but bill is so calm and understanding and helps clean her up, giving her a hot water bottle and does her tampon for her (bc you have made me obsessed with this idea 🥺)

Oh god this kink it is so strong and I am still SO ASHAMED.

Just a reminder that this is a JUDGMENT FREE ZONE. We are all safe here.

Look man, I don’t know if any of my lady friends out there have ever had the pleasure of starting a birth control pill. Whether it’s a start-from-scratch situation, or a change up situation where you were on one before but now you want to try a new one–but let me tell you, in my experience, it is absolute HELL ON EARTH. Get ready to gain 15lbs. Get ready to gain another 15lbs in just your bra, because your tatas will get huge. Get ready to be an emotional basket case. A total hormonal tornado. A HORMONADO, IF YOU WILL. But the most fun of all, is get ready to start your period literally any time, anywhere, completely unexpected for like, 6 months. Last year I had to switch to a pill with less estrogen and Jesus Christ, it was awful. I was either on my period for like 3 months straight at a time or it would just start RANDOMLY and it was a fucking cascade–and let’s keep in mind, too, that I am routinely on flights that last like, 16 hours. And that I train in martial arts, and our uniforms are white. Spontaneous crimson waves were literally my biggest fucking fear all of last year.

So like, look. Maybe Bill and tiger had a conversation one day–both of them always used condoms with previous partners because maybe tiger never really had a steady partner so condoms were a MUST, and maybe Bill always used them with his partners because he just felt a little better having double protection or maybe his partner insisted on it, who knows. Either way, once they start boinking on the regular, maybe they talk about it. Except they talk about it in true Bill and tiger fashion, which means one day over breakfast tiger just blurts out that she’s going to start taking an anti-baby pill that week so he doesn’t have to keep wrappin’ it before he’s tappin’ it and Bill just like, chokes on his orange juice. And once it’s out of his nostrils, once she’s gone back to reading the comics in the paper, he clears his throat and gently squeezes her feet–which are, of course, in his lap.

“Tiger are you sure?” he asks, “Aren’t they kind of…hard on your body?”

“I want to,” she shrugs, “For a lot of reasons.”

“If I’m the main reason, kid, I’m fine however we decide to…do it,” he stammers. And he’s turning a little pink and it’s adorable, “I don’t mind uh…I don’t mind wearing condoms.”

She smiles softly at him.

“I know,” she says, “And thank you. But it would be nice to also be more…regular. There’s a bunch of reasons, Bill. And I just want to.”

“Okay,” he returns her soft smile, “If you’re sure.”

And like, part of me wants to believe that he accompanies tiger to the doctor because she’s terrified of doctors. And while he obviously doesn’t go into the exam room with her, this mental image of Bill all folded in two in a tiny plastic chair, surrounded by pregnant ladies and posters of uteruses and these physical reconstructions of vaginas and vulvas just gets me cackling. He’s so uncomfortable.

ALRIGHT SO. Here we are. So tiger gets the pill, and she starts the pill. And it is hell on Earth. She’s bloated. Her tatas are sore. Literally nothing fits anymore–including her bras, which Bill needs to bite his fist and leave the room every time she changes and he just sees her swollen breasts spilling over the top of her bra. He wants to nose dive into her chest, but he knows she’s uncomfortable and feeling anything less than sexy.

But more than that her cycle is just…havoc. It is unpredictable. It happens any time, anywhere. He’s had to take her home smack in the middle of a dinner party at a nice restaurant when she’s emerged from the bathroom with a panicked look in her eye. He’s had to take his sweater off and wrap it around her waist, bring her to his car as she just cries because she’s mortified. And Bill feels just a tad responsible and a tad guilty, because he still thinks she’s doing this in large part for him. And he really, really feels for her because not only is her cycle unpredictable, but it’s also just a lot more painful than it usually is–which was already a lot. She’s doubled over in pain on the couch, she has trouble eating, she doesn’t want to move, she always gets a migraine. It’s awful for the poor thing.

And Bill just…god, Good Dude Bill. He makes it impossible to be embarrassed around, even when tiger is so fucking mortified. Because it’s inevitable–sometimes it starts in her sleep, and Bill has to gently shake her awake. And she just cries, because she’s in pain but she’s also just so embarrassed but all Bill tries to do is soothe her, comfort her, coax her into a hot shower while he changes the sheets and gets another hot water bottle ready for her. He’ll cuddle her on the couch when she just can’t move from it, wrapping around her and rubbing her stomach gently. And he really just does his best to try and take care of her–makes her lots of hot tea. Makes sure she eats as much as she feels up to eating. Helps her manage the pain a bit with some meds, and when it gets real bad, he runs the best bubble baths and he’ll just sit there in it with her for hours.

And I mean like, look. I don’t know how it happens. But I want it to happen, and I am now at the point where I’ll just FIGHT ANYONE WHO DARES JUDGE ME ABOUT IT. 

But maybe her body is kind of stabilizing a bit after a few months, so they think they’re in the clear. But she’s been complaining of a nagging backache for most of the day, a bit of a headache, and she seems rather oblivious that those are some signs she’s about to get her period and Bill is just looking at her with a quirked brow wondering how the hell someone could be so oblivious about their own body. In any case, he’s a little more aware than she is–but he knows better than to say anything.

But sure enough that night as they’re sleeping, he’s curled around her. And I kind of low key love this idea of a little alarm bell that goes off in his brain sometimes that he needs to check on Little Human. So he wakes up, and sure enough–he feels it. That wetness, all over the front of his boxers. He sighs, raises up a little to check on her–but she’s knocked out cold still, which is probably a good sign. It means she’s not in pain. 

He eases away from her slowly, goes to get a washcloth from the bathroom and some of her supplies. And when he crawls back to bed, he eases her onto her back and starts to pull her panties off. She stirs a little.

“It’s okay,” he whispers to her, and she settles a bit. He pulls her panties slowly down her legs and off, reaching to move her thighs a little further apart. She stirs again, shifts a little and grumbles. He presses a light kiss on her lips.

“What’re you doing?” she mumbles, and it’s sleepy and she’s not even half awake.

“Cleaning you up,” he says, “Stay still.”

And like, here’s the thing. Tiger is still in that floaty state, right? And god I hope none of you have ever had this happen to you, but ever fall asleep first at a slumber party, and then everyone pulls pranks on you? Because I have. I deadass fell asleep once and woke up in the MIDDLE of my friends writing on my face with a Sharpie, and I asked them what they were doing. And they told me they were writing on my face. And I was in that in-between stage, so I legit just said “awesome have fun” and went back to sleep.

Tiger’s halfway between sleep and rational consciousness, and she’s asking questions but not really registering the answers or at the very least, not getting panicked about them. Which is good.

“Why?” she asks, but she doesn’t move and her eyes are still closed. Bill hesitates, runs his hands softly over her stomach and she purrs a little.

“You got your period, kid,” he decides on honesty. And her brows furrow a little at that, and she makes as if she’s going to sit up.

“Oh,” she says, “Oh god.”

And she’s starting to wake up fully, but if he can just keep her relaxed enough, it’ll all be fine. He pushes down on her stomach a little harder, kisses her softly again.

“Relax, tiger. I’ve got you,” he says, “Go back to sleep.”

And he waits until she settles again, before grabbing the warm washcloth and cleaning her up. When he’s done he tosses it into the laundry bin before he grabs the tampon–which he unwrapped in the bathroom, so it wouldn’t make any noise because Bill’s a smart dude–and he puts a soothing hand on her stomach, scratching lightly as he just gently put it in for her. He tosses the rest into the trash, pulling the blankets back up and curling around her. And tiger is registering what’s happening, but she’s so goddamn tired and she’s just so comfy and feeling so fucking safe and well taken care of with him that she just lets it happen. Because it’s the middle of the fucking night, but he’s got those big warm hands running all over her and he’s cooing softly at her and just telling her that he’ll take care of her and she thinks that yes, yes that sounds perfect.

And you know what? You’d be a goddamn fool if you don’t think for a second that Bill is also humming with those good caretaker vibes, helping her, giving her what she needs, taking care of her. He tucks her into his chest and he’s feeling mighty good about himself, too.

But like, look, the next day? When tiger realizes exactly what happened? Oh god. She’s mortified. And Bill knows, because she tries to avoid him from the minute she wakes up.  She’s skittish, nervous, she leaves the room as soon as he comes in and it doesn’t take long for him to corner her and get all up in her space.

“Tiger,” he says as he bends to catch her gaze. She closes her eyes immediately. “Out with it.”

“Out with what?”

“You know what,” he accuses.

“Bill, who does that?” she snaps and her cheeks are turning bright red, “God it’s just so…so….so weird and gross.”

“Me, I do that,” he tells her as he tilts her chin up, “And it’s not weird or gross, so shut up.”

“Bill, you literally put a–”

“I know what I did,” he interrupts, “And it wasn’t the first time I’ve done it. It won’t be the last, either. I told you kid, one of my ex’s was really into that sort of thing.”

Tiger finally meets his gaze as her features contort into a look of disgust, her lip curled. Bill rolls his eyes.

“Tiger, look. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable,” he says earnestly, but Bill knows. He knows she’s embarrassed, but he also knows that she didn’t stop him last night.

“But if it didn’t…” he continues, and he bends to take her face in his hands as his eyes sweep over her, “If it didn’t, then that’s also not something you should be embarrassed about, either.”

Tiger is turning progressively more purple. And she reaches up and fiddles awkwardly with the neckline of his shirt.

“It’s weird,” she mutters. And she sounds an awful lot like she’s trying to convince herself. Bill waits, lets the silence hang until she meets his eyes–which are nothing but kind, honest, not an ounce of judgment anywhere.

“Did you like it?” he smiles warmly at her. She huffs, tries to take a step back but he still has her face in his hands. He kisses her softly, reassuringly, but he doesn’t let her get away.

“Did you?” he asks again.

“Bill,” she whines, but he looks at her expectantly, “I didn’t….I didn’t hate it. Alright? I didn’t hate it.”

He still has the same lopsided, soft grin on his face.

“I….like it when you take care of me,” she admits. She’s rewarded with another soft kiss.

“And I like taking care of you,” he says. He wraps his arms around her, squeezing her tight to his chest. She sighs.

“Want lunch?” she asks, both because she’s desperate to diffuse an awkward situation and desperate to change the subject.

“Sure,” he chuckles, and he breaks away from her. 

“Then get out of my kitchen, it’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she says. He winks as he turns to walk away but before leaving completely, he turns back to her.

“Oh, and tiger?” he says, and she meets his gaze, “When it comes to you? Nothing is ever off the table. I don’t care how weird you think it is–I’m down. Remember that, kid.”

[redrobin-detective]

Prompt: Billy Batson earlier in career so he's an established hero in Fawcett but hasn't met most of the heroes yet working with someone for the first time in like a stake out situation or investigating something magical? (the last Billy one you wrote was so great ty!)

Thank you, I love writing Billy, he’s such a fun, dynamic character both sweet and salty all wrapped up in one precious bun! 

Billy generally loved being Captain Marvel. He got all these cool magical powers and could go out and do some real, proper good for the people in his city. Secretly there was also something nice about being someone else for a little bit, no one gave a damn about homeless Billy Batson but Cap was big and friendly and loved by everyone. This part wasn’t exactly his favorite though.

He sighed heavily through his nose and tried to pay attention to what was going on across the street. There’d been a spike in child trafficking in Fawcett City, an international ring had recently set up shop a town over but had been making trips to Fawcett to grab kids. Normally Billy would go in and knock some skulls and be done with it, but this group was bigger than the usual creeps he fought. If he wanted to bring down the whole shebang, he needed to do some surveillance before he jumped in. 

But it was so boring.  

He tapped his fingers on the cold stone roof he was sitting on. He’s Cap right now, with a dark cloak being thrown over his costume to keep from standing out. Honestly, it’d probably be easier to keep an eye out as Billy but it’s below freezing tonight in Fawcett and Billy doesn’t have Cap’s immunity to the elements.  

“Mind if I join you?” Billy whirled around in surprise at the voice coming just behind him. He was greeted by none other than the Scarlet Speedster, the Flash, holding out two steaming cups. “Thought if I was going to crash your stakeout I might as well come prepared.” 

“You’re the Flash!” Billy exclaimed with excitement, barely remembering to keep his voice down. Central City wasn’t all that far from Fawcett so Billy often heard stories of the Flash. He was a simple, honest hero that Billy had always liked. He was friendlier than Batman and less terrifyingly powerful than Superman and he was standing in front of Billy right now. “I am a huge fan, have been for years, that fight last week where you pitted Mirror Master against Captain Cold was so awesome!” 

“Thanks man, I hear you do good work too and I love how open you are with your advocacy. That’s the mark of a true hero, I’ve actually been wanting to meet up for a while though I wish it were under better circumstances.” Flash said, handing Captain his cup. “You didn’t strike me as a coffee person so I got you hot chocolate, hope that’s alright.” 

“It’s perfect, I’ll pay you back,” Captain said, even though he had $9.67 to his name. He turned his gaze back to the warehouse. “You’re here about the trafficking?” 

“Yeah,” Flash sighed, settling next to him. “They’ve been making their way through the entire midwest. I’ve taken down their operation in Central but the big bosses managed to get away. I figured they’d be here as they set up shop, so I thought I’d check it out.”

“Nah, I appreciate it, I’m not real good at this stakeout stuff,” Cap admittedly sheepishly as he took a sip from his cocoa. Mmm it was the good stuff, he hadn’t had this high quality of cocoa in uh probably never. 

“Eh it takes some getting used to, punching bad guys is easy but this is really where heroes can make a difference,” Flash explained and Billy felt himself relaxing at the gentle but authoritative tone. If all adults were like this, the world wouldn’t be half as bad. “Still, it’s impressive to see you out here, shows you have what it takes.”

“For what?” Cap asked innocently, taking a sip of his drink.

“Well, you didn’t hear it from me but League membership recommendations are coming up and a certain magical hero is on the shortlist.” Flash teased, Billy spit out his cocoa.

“What, really!? But I’m just a k-” He coughed, cutting himself off before he accidentally revealed his age. “a-a clown, you know? I’m not nearly experienced or smart enough to be in the Justice League. I mean, that’s for the real heroes like Batman and Superman and well, you!” 

“Hey,” Flash soothed, putting a hand on his shoulder and Billy would be geeking out if his brain wasn’t mush. “You may be new but you’re powerful and the League is just as much about teaching up and coming heroes as it is fighting bad guys. With us, you’ll have credentials, resources, training, anything you’ll need to do your job. You’re right, we only take the best but we’ve seen you out there and you got twice as much heart as most folks.” 

“I-I don’t know,” Captain says, trying to tamp down the paranoid parts of Billy. Being in the League means being away from Fawcett, his home and responsibility. It also puts his secret on the line and the heroes might like Cap but no one has time for a street kid like Billy. 

“It’s not set in stone yet,” Flash added. “If you really don’t feel ready, I can tell the big boys to pass on you this go around. But the fact that you’re taking this opportunity so seriously tells me you understand the risks and responsibility.”

“I’ll uh, I’ll think about it,” Captain says quietly before, thankfully, he sees some movement within the warehouse. “Hey I think those bosses of your have shown up.”

“Alright, you mind if I jump in?” Flash asked draining his coffee. “I’ve been itching to get these guys for weeks now, it’ll help me sleep better tonight if I punch a few pedophiles out.”

“O-oh you don’t need my permission, sir!” Captain stuttered. 

“Course I do, this is your turf. Team-ups are fun but I can’t just waltz in and act like I own the place,” oh man, the Flash is totally his favorite now, sorry Superman. “Just think about what I said, I’ll stop by again before the nominations are out to see if you still feel unsure.”

“You’ll come back?” Cap asked with genuine surprise. No one came to Fawcett on their own, you either were born here or got stuck here. 

“Yeah, we’re friends now, I’ll swing by when I have five free minutes and we’ll have another cup,” he said gesturing with his now empty cup which he then disposed of in a garbage can on the first floor. 

“Yeah! Yeah I’d like that a lot,” Billy grinned, friends were a luxury he really couldn’t afford with his heroing but maybe having a few adult friends in the business would help him find his footing with these new powers. “Now let’s go kick some bad guy butt.”