#hashing out all my feelings abt it

[entering--hyperspace]

Leo lore I could talk about

1. Leo's thoughts on charr society and how hes trying so hard to change it

2. Growing up in Ascalon, path to necromancy, love/empathy for spirits/ghosts

3. How his necromancy works (including shroud)

4. Whatever the fuck is going on with him and Rytlock (up to ls2)

5. Relationship with destiny's edge and the other characters :] (he is not the commander)

6. Mexican coded \o/

[saepiae]

so true

[needsmustleap]

selling sunset is actually insane..... the most toxic workplace of LIFE oh my god..... two of them will have beef and the others will basically invite one to vent about it and then go relay everything they said to the other one so it all blows up again, it's insane!!

[in-ten-tion]

....well 😐

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

Hi! Imma do something rare and actually make content, but its 11 at night and i just had a brain worm

for those of you that don’t know, i work at an accounting office. we do taxes. it is tax season. and now im thinking abt how AGSZC does taxes and what their papers are like and im inflicting it on the rest of you even if its gibberish

Angeal: A godsend. Keeps his forms in order and filed properly, calculates everything else himself like a good man. Papers honestly aren’t too bad, maybe 10-12 just because of his career/insurance plus his doubtless donations to charity, but aside from that. straightforward and done at his kitchen table

Genesis: A fucking NIGHTMARE. no doubt pays someone else to do it. and for fucks sake, i know he invests. constantly and consistently and probably in anything he thinks stands the slightest chance against shinra on the market. his 1099-B is a mess and definitely Not Totaled, so his is the bullshit you have to insert one. investment. at. a time. He’s the type that keeps fucking calling too, I can just tell. but, aside from the 1099-B, he’s probably got simple stuff as well. probably several 1099-INTs from several different bank accounts, maybe a couple 1098s floating around from vacation houses or some shit.

Sephiroth: Does his own. In ridiculously early. Makes almost no personal purchases so hardly has anything to pay. I can’t imagine not having a last name or not knowing his birthday doesn’t end up a legal problem somehow, so he likely has to walk directly into a damn tax office to say hey this is me and this is my shit no, someone isn’t stealing my identity. has one singular document and it’s his W-2. Which is. Fucking astronomical. Like, the number doesn’t even look right. His paycheck as a SOLDIER isn’t taxed, so he doesn’t really get much back on his refund. The only first without a healthcare /insurance form because why tf would Sephiroth have healthcare? What’s he gonna do, get sick?

not getting into how doing his own taxes was definitely a fight between him and Hojo at some point and ended up getting hashed out in a board room. Hojo didn’t like him having the autonomy of filing for himself instead of being claimed ad Hojo’s ‘dependent’. Sephiroth deadass threatened to go to court abt it. The President told Hojo to suck it up so they didn’t have to deal with scandal, Hojo wouldn’t tell Seph his birthday to be difficult, and here we are

Zack: Panicking. Late. Doesn’t know if his forms came in the mail, doesn’t know where he put them most of the time. Scrambles around for a fuck ton of receipts, ultimately has to request Shinra send him his shit again. DEFINITELY pays someone else to do it. W-2, 1095-A, 1099-C(s)(he has several debts i can feel it i love him but he screams bad financial decisions), probably some shit for his bike too. He customs it so I can see him listing some parts he buys for it as work expenses. Jokingly puts some money he gave aerith for flowers and what he spent to make her wagon as donations to charity and it actually goes through because the church is still considered a legal entity. Definitely has to pay late fees.

Cloud: Pays Tifa to do it. Filing for both of them is a nightmare cause all their shit burnt in Nibelheim, so once Edge gets right with the WRO they have to do all their paperwork from scratch and get reassigned SSNs. He genuinely has a fuckton of paperwork from doing the Strife Delivery Service. Luckily, only ‘employee’ he has is Tifa, and even then she doesn’t do things regularly aside from pick up the phone. Doesn’t make his business an LLC until he’s literally forced to due to his number of clients and someone trying to sue him for damages. 1099-NEC for TIfa for sure, then once he’s an LLC, some yearly maintenance to keep legal. Mileage and gas expenses go CRAZY on his self employment form, I fucking bet. I bet Cloud’s handwriting is shit tho. Tifa’s at her desk counting up his gains and losses for fucking ages because his fives look too similar to sixes. Eventually she wrangles him into installing some shit on his phone that counts it up, if only to cure her headache. Funnily enough, he does get veteran benefits from what’s left of Shinra’s shit, reparations of sorts, but he doesn’t keep it. All goes to charity, so that ends up in the books too.

alright, that was unnecessarily in depth and way longer than i planned. good night LMAO

[waywardsalt]

@whistlingstarlight it’s not necessarily that it’s specifically warriors, but it’s also that it’s specifically warriors because loz is a game series with like 30 years of good storytelling under its belt and warriors is a book series that consistently has baseline fuckups and is bad with it’s female characters but still manages to do this one thing (that other, better media do well) that botw/totk happened to not fucking do. i mentioned warriors because it’s what made me make this realization, but arcane made me realize it too, warrior cats is just the more notable one because of fucking course arcane did this thing well, it’s just a little more interesting to me that warrior cats does this better than botw/totk (and is therefore one of the reasons why i still really enjoy the books)

ok. the biggest point i made in my earlier post (uuhhhhh this one) is that the problem technically isn’t that link has a very limited range of facial expressions in cutscenes, it’s that he has a very limited range of reactions in general.

uhh disclaimer i guess? im not like a professional or whatever im just someone who makes connections abt stuff in media and kind of. knows how writing works because i know how to do it and have been doing it for a while but im still like. learning n all that. ig this disclaimer could apply to all of my other totk criticism posts

anyways the biggest issue i have with botw/totk's lack of any sort of emoting in big scenes (esp in totk) is that he turns into a blank slate when he has no notable reactions that imply much about how he feels about people and his situation.

i will quickly say that this is actually excused for the most part in botw- boy has no memories, he doesnt know shit about these people and what's going on and he does actually have some unique little animation when interacting with the dead champions, so most of the criticism levied here is mostly aimed at totk, because he should have memories with zelda and the new sages and these character this time around bc it's clearly been years since botw.

in totk, link reacts to his friends gaining new power and respect from old sages and discovers what's happened to zelda and gets the master sword and all of this stuff and is animated with less reaction than he has whilst cooking

i mean, sure, a lot of totk is meant to be emotional, and i'll agree that it works in some of the memories (personally i did not care for them but i can understand them evoking emotion for some people) and like... you see zelda and the other memory character be given actual emotion and reactions. zelda and rauru have distinct reactions to sonia's death and the way they act is in reaction to that death, and this is good! at times, it's not enough to present the player with a sad or otherwise impactful event- showing how the other characters react to it further add to the emotions of the scene, making it feel more real within the world and just... showing you what this means to these characters.

it's hard to really explain, and a lot of it might be related to empathy, but i think even without much empathy required it still informs you about these characters' feelings and values, how they react to things and maybe even informs you of the stakes and can again add more emotion to the scene than it just being an emotional moment be handed to you. even if it don't manage to affect you, if it effects the characters then it still gets some kind of emotional impact, if that makes sense.

i bring up warrior cats because, like... i don't particularly care for a lot of warrior cats characters- listen, it's rare for a warrior cats character to be complex on purpose. i've been reading some of the super editions that take place before the first first book, and... i don't necessarily care about moonflower as a character? but the book manages to set up that bluepaw cares for her mother and relies on her, and then her reaction upon her death and afterwards just cements that... her death mattered, and it affected our protagonist.

a bit of this is unfair in comparison to totk, since... bluestar talks in her book, and dialogue is not an option for link to express himself, and there technically isn't any death (related to link) in totk... the light dragon kind of counts (even tho its fine bc this game is allergic to negative consequences for the protags actions).

zelda and snowfur are both characters you're given time to know and care about, who the main character has a deep connection with, and they both witness a (supposedly) irreversible event happen to them; bluefur watches snowfur get hit by a car and die, and link watches the memory where zelda sacrifices herself to become a dragon. for the sake of a somewhat fair comparison, i'm going to ignore all of bluefur's dialogue- while link kind of just. stands around after the last memory, in bluefur's case we watch her try to nudge snowfur awake and then begin to drag her home, in denial and eventually runs into some friends, who have to be the ones to take snowfur's body home while bluefur is too overwhelmed, and actually has to be helped along by white-eye. of course, link has no one around for his revelation, but... there is infinately less reaction on his part, and we can't even see bluefur. (not even considering that it's kind of lame that you see literally no one else learn about the light dragon and you have no option to tell anyone, which kind of kills the emotion around it too, because the only character to react to it... fucking doesnt)

on totk's end, i did not really care for zelda, and the scene failed to get me emotional from the start, and link's total lack of reaction just killed it even more. it looks like he doesn't care- why should i? it's hard to take this seriously as a big event when your fucking protagonist barely reacts to it.

on the end of snowfur's death (and i'm just going to look at her death and the immediate aftermath- bringing in whitekit makes this unfair as there isn't a parallel within totk to match that) we are told that bluefur nudges her (to try and wake her up) and then tries taking her home despite the obvious evidence that snowfur is not waking up, when she sees her friends show up she drops snowfur and just stares at them without response. of course, this book has the advantage of an inner monologue and written description to hammer things home (quick tangent the dry fucking line of 'A thin trail of blood rolled from Snowfur's mouth.' and this contrasted with bluefur's desperate denial as well as being a line on its own is fucking brutal i'll hand it to the erins on that one), totk has the advantages of being a visual medium. they have music and camera angles and a character model that can be very clearly animated, and it still feels flat because link just... has his default expression and looks around.

bringing up warrior cats was done because these books, despite everything, manage to excel at describing characters' reactions to death, even while the rest of the writing and character work is a bit shoddy. we know that link could be animated- he's animated when cooking and in the camera function and when getting his clothes dyed. we know they can animate characters reacting to the loss of a close one, we saw that with zelda and rauru when sonia is killed. just, for some reason, link is just as blankfaced as he was when he literally did not know who zelda was. he doesn't even make any movements to suggest some kind of strong emotion, which is like, fine, it's not really a cutscene and just, like, an in-game thing, but... i don't know. there isn't a whole lot for the master sword scene, either. it think it's more or less the same as when he grabs the sword in botw, just with some situational additions. very little actual emotion besides determination and whatnot.

again, it's just- i'm not asking for a lot. just some sublte movements- it just feels fucking ABSURD when link is shown to be very animated when cooking and when getting his fucking clothes dyed, but just reacts to the information of his closest friend being turned into a dragon and lingering in the sky for fucking millennium in order to help him is just :| and then turning around. i don't know man, have him walk towards her slowly and like. reach out his hand you're making it really hard for me to believe that he gives a shit or that this really matters outside of being a literal plot beat in a piece of media

i just... characters reactions to death or other big events enhances the emotion of that event and gives it more meaning!! not even death- just shit like link fucking smiling in phantom hourglass when he sees that linebeck is alright after the final boss- that's a slight head movement and a change of his facial texture and we've got so much to learn from that, buddy! just... dialogue, inner monologue, facial expressions, movement- any sort of reaction to an event within a story helps to really make it feel more concrete and important, can make it feel more visceral and genuinely important within the world of the story being told. it tells you about the world and the characters and it just enhances the experience, so when i have to watch link react to learning new impactful stuff about this person he's known for actual years with just a blank face and stiff movement, it feels like a joke. in the actual story, he just... feels like the knight who can use the master sword. thats IT. that's what i mean when he just feels like a tool- it feels like the only traits he displays in the story important scenes of the game are just that he's a knight with a special sword.

lmfao warrior cats made me realize one of my biggest problems with botw/totk link's lack of reaction to stuff

[thatdeadaquarius]

Admiiinnn do you write for platonic sagau?

Me wanna request my son (Razor) ue.

Because most of the fics I've read is just the creator falling on Mondstadt but never other places! I want them to fall on Wolvendom and maybe meet the wolf boy 🐨

I imagine he doesn't know/able to describe what he's feeling (not understanding human emotions and stuff because he grows up with wolves and all). But he really likes this feeling of peace and feeling like he belongs! So he'll stay with this random person that just dropped out of nowhere, and teach them how to survive in the wild too!

Unlike the overly-obsessed-head-over-heels acolytes, I think Razor will be like a worrywart bestfriend. You're his lupical now! It's his duty to protect other lupicals!

Days with him will literally be so fluffy ueueueu imagine we teach him how to cook things besides meat and puppy-paw hash browns (and teach him how to season them too! Good food always relies on taste after all). He'll just be like a little sibling that saw a very cool trick for the first time.

Aaaaa I wanna braid his long hair with flowers ue...

a request. A REQUEST. FIRST GENUINE REQUEST!! WOO!!!

AND A PLATONIC ONE?? 🥺 FOR THE BOY??🥺🥺THE MOST BOY IN ALL OF GENSHIN IMPACT???!!💖💖💖 YOU 🤝 ME = OUR LOVE FOR LIL ELECTRO FERAL PUPPY BOY

U get a whole slice of cake for that one. 🤲🍰💜

DUDE i totally thought abt (idk if u read it but its floatin around here smwhere,,) including Razor in the first Sagau idea post i made about Blunt Language reader vs. Teyvat's flowery language

TYSM FOR THE REQUEST!! I WILL DO MY BEST FOR THE BOY 💜✨️🐺

This gif encompasses everything i feel abt razor

Almost a part 2? But more like Bennett ft. Razor

Welp, you could've landed somewhere worse.

Like, accidentally-activated-Andrius-challenge worse.

You vowed to urself that if u ever got isekaied, or magicked away, or whatever else, u would not be those stupid protagonists who acted like they didnt know where they were

Or didnt adjust quickly to their new surroundings, esp if theyre life depended on it

U got this, u know exactly where u are rn. >:)

...

..Well, maybe not the exact location, but Wolvendom was pretty hard to mistake for anything else

The moon is full, and it looks to be about midnight or so,

A wolf howls.

...a little too close for comfort...

But hey, the lamp grass irl was so cute and pretty omg! <3

And it lit the ground nicely when u were nearby :) what a helpful aesthetic plant, so cool

Seeing a hilichurl camp further away, u slowly backed off into the woods away from the path u landed on (woke up on? Its unclear)

And up onto a small flat cliff thingy, filled with small lamp grass

U figured u werent getting anywhere tonight, i mean u rlly can't see jackshit rn, unlike in Genshin where the moon was almost as bright as the sun 💀

So ur just sittin on ur ass, wondering how tf ur gonna build a wolf-proof shelter when a bush shuffles nearby

...On ur little platform, how did u not hear whatever it was before now??

Too late now, bc u saw smth silver, and welp

U knew there were wolves, (its wolvendom)

But since u never saw any in game u kinda assumed they were like Earth wolves and were unlikely to get near a human like u-

Turns out u were probably wrong- the silver flashes in the bush- u get up and brace urself to run screaming and begging on ur knees for Andrius to take u in like-

.

..

...?

...Razor?? 😐😑😐

...

RAZOR!! :D!!!

It's the Best Boy™️!!!!!

The bestest boy ever sticks his head out of the bush

!!!??? His head tilts like a puppy in confusion ur heart💘

"...Lupical??" He says in the most confused ass tone youve ever heard

🥺

"Oh! Yes! Hello," you introduce yourself, "Can you help me? I got kinda lost here, but I don't really have a home to go back to,,"

Razor stands out of the bush, shaking his head back and forth like a dog, his hair nearly whips u in the face lmao

You: "AHH- uh- so, do u know somewhere I can go??"

Razor: "Mhm. Here. Razor like you, feel like Lupical. Stay?"

He asks, his eyes bright and shiny (not the puppy dog eyes)

Well, u figure if he can literally be raised by wolves and still be alive, so can u

(U figure itd be hard to convince Diluc to let u stay w/ him, and u dont have money for an inn in Mondstadt.. u dont even kno abt Springvale... wolf woods it is)

Plus, maybe u can help him out a bit! (it always did irritate u in game that nobody rlly checked on him/helped him live better >:/ )

"Oh! Y-yeah! That sounds great, are u sure ur family's- uh- other Lupical, r ok w/ that?" U hella dont wanna have to wrestle other wolves just for some raw food bc yall gotta share 💀

"Yes, come, I teach!" :D

___

AND SO BEGINS UR ADVENTURES WITH RAZOR

Bbyboy got ur heart in a vice gripe lol

Turns out he lives in a cave, that wasn't rlly available in game

His bed is just kinda,, moss and leaves, maybe one fur pelt

So obv u start gettin chests and get money to buy him better stuff!

Plus monsters drop money too (the slimes just bring u money?? W/o u having to defeat them?? Whos paying all these monsters anyway, where do they get this money-)

.

Also bc i HATE that u r just a regular ass human in other SAGAUs, imma keep it canon and say u can still upgrade Vision Users/Allogenes + all the regular game mechanics besides time manipulation, including quest log and inventory (bc that still exists here fuck regular sagau BS)

(bc how would u prove ur the Creator otherwise? How would u live up to that if u didnt have powers?? Isnt that the whole point of why they think ur the Creator???!! Did I miss smth here-??)

.

So ofc u give the boy the comfiest bed of pillows and furs and handmade quilts (Springvale's very talented and friendly turns out :)

And new clothes!! :D new outfits pop up on his character screen!! (It just kinda,, hovers like a hologram screen in front of him when u click a button u see hovering over his chest at all times)

.

U also teach him how to comb his hair.

(J. F. C. I dont even wanna think. abt how bad it is, a kid raised by wolves, in the woods w/ little human contact?? ill leave that to ur imagination)

He really loves the lamp grass flowercrowns u make him :) <3

.

Also yes.

We have to talk about it.

U got him soap.

And perfume. (That are still scented but not enough that he hates it thank fuck-)

.

Razor seems like he'd react to everything with either worry for ur safety (BEST BOY EVER) bc sm stuff u do is unfamiliar to him,

OR just like u said anon, like a little sibling u showed a magic trick to for the first time <3333

.

Like?? U can?? Use salt?? Pepper??? On food??? That u have cooked???!!!

Omg, his grubby little hands snatch that shit outta ur pan so quick 😭😭

He's literally scarfs down anything u make him

Oh god the wolves.

If u thought Razor loved ur food, the Lupical pack is on a whole different level.

They're such sweet doggos bc ur technically Lupical now too (Razor gave u a tooth necklace like his :] )

!!! PUPPY PILES !!! 🤲🐺💖💜✨️✨️✨️

And theyre never violent, even their play fighting is pretty tame

But the food.

Ur seasoned. New recipe. Food.

The first time u made a new dish with salt alone

It was a fucking free for all. (including Razor😭)

.

So now u have a schedule of who gets what when (as insisted and aided by Andrius himself, it got so out of hand,, paw??)

Congratz u got a pack of little siblings now, w/even the "will be bribed w/any food u give them" feature too

.

Razor loves u sm, he feels so safe around u!!

He usually cant articulate it, but u can tell by how he clings to ur arm whenever yall go into human towns so he wont lose u,

Or how he'll offer u some of his portion of food always (even if u made it)

.

and he's happy to do all these new things w/ u !!

(i sure as fuck know id get bored af if i was just,, in the woods,, all day everyday,,, not even a book to read,,,)

So needless to say he joins u for nearly everything u do

Esp monster hunting/grinding for his artifacts + weapon + stuff

Razor sees it as his job to look out for Lupical, esp if his favorite (besides Andrius) has to leave pack territory

.

Also yes, u DID meet The Andrius.

He was. So much. Bigger. Than you. Expected.

The game doesn't do him justice.

He's literally the size of a fucking school bus.

Also, apparently Razor didnt rlly know what u were, mostly bc he just feels ur comfort and safety, no words needed

But Andrius does, and he immediately explains how Teyvat sees u and even does a wolfy bow with his head lowered onto his front paws (ahdkala Andrius pls ur a gOD GET UP)

He's also surprisingly helpful and nice to u, very polite big doggo, a good leader (alpha??)

.

Lisa is hella grateful for u and all the help/care u give the bestest boy ever

(even tho u did give her the stink eye at first bc,, why didnt she teach him how to take care of himself? And even if he didnt want to join human society at least make sure he's in liveable conditions?? Hes not even an adult???)

But at least she also agrees he's the bestest boy ever, she always brags about how quickly he learns language (both writing reading and speaking) to anyone she knows

Which did endear u to her a little more (plus she apologized for not looking out for him more, or at least asking someone else to/check up on him)

.

U kinda think she (and the rest of Mondstadt) dont really realize ur some kind of Creator god,

Mostly bc u dont really stay in Mondstadt long, just to get essentials and see what it looked like in person (smtimes to visit Bennett and Fischl :D )

(U mostly only know that bc Andrius claims its so, hes very insistent too)

But ur spending most ur days with Razor anyway so it doesnt matter to you two whether ppl know what u can do

.

Razor was practicing his writing one time (bc u also help him out at home/Wolvendom when Lisa isnt)

And he carved "Razor loves Lupical and [You]" into a tree near yalls cave

:')

🎵 JESSSSUSSS CHRISSSSTTT THIS IS TOO LONGGG

BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE EDITINNGGGGG🎵

I didnt know where to end it i got sucked in dont LOOK at me-)

Uh anyway i hope this was adequate!! Sorry this was ungodly long!! I will limit myself in the future 🥲

Tysm again for the request and if u read this far LMAO!!

<3

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius ♒️ 💧🌌🌘

[s4ndg3m]

COMMISSIONS! FROM ME! YAY!

Status: Open!

okay, gonna start this with.. i have no idea how to make a comms info post. i was going to try and make a carrd but it's... a lot! so, under the cut, i'll have some examples and prices and some info on what to expect! (LONG POST) (YE BE WARNED)

Rules! (and some general info)

because we need that

Don't haggle with me. I'm not selling you old furniture, you're paying me for my time and effort.

For smaller commissions, I require pay up-front

Larger commissions (over $30) can be paid half up-front, and half later. For both ours' insurance!

I can do cashapp, zelle, or paypal.

Time taken on each piece will vary, of course, and I can give you an estimate when we hash out details. I can provide updates as well! Don't be afraid to check in whenever! I won't feel rushed or hassled if you just want to know how progress is :)

If you have literally ANY questions. ANY OF THEM. at all. just message me. Even if you're not sure if you want to commission, or don't intend to at the moment. Have a curiosity? My dms are open, friend. And my ask box too, if you'd rather. I'm so open to questions it's unbelievable. I am almost begging you to ask... If you have something to ask.

YAY / NAY / MAY(or, what i will and won't do)

YAY!

Furries

Humans

Roblox avatars/characters

Fandom

Oc

Light/medium mech

Ships (including selfship)

Suggestive

(Artistic) nudity

Multiple characters

Whatever's not on my "no" list! Please please just message me and ask if you're unsure. Even if you're not sure about commissioning and just want to see if it would be possible! I won't bite, I promise. :)

NAY!

Nsfw

Fetish (even if not explicit)

Heavy mech

Heavy gore

Anything proship/comship/whatever the hell they're calling it. NO KID DIDDLING! OR INCEST!

Anything vivziepop related. I don't like her or anything that she makes.

Celebrities (actors in a role, sure, but just the guy? the plain dude? just some guy on our earth who works a job? a real person with a life? no.)

MAY! (or, things I'm on the fence abt)

Horror

Minor gore

Large scenes (not my strongest skillset)

Whatever! I'm okay with stepping outside of my artistic comfort zone, so long as you're okay with the result varying in quality (and possibly taking longer, depending on what you ask for) Again, and I CANNOT say this enough, JUST ASK ME!!

WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER!

Okay, so, as shown here, for a standard commission i'll have 3 sizes, along with 4 stages of completion.

The stages are sketch, line art, flat colors, and render (shading/lighting)! sketch is the cheapest, and render is the most expensive. I'll list some prices for each size below :3

Head

Sketch - $5

Line art - $7

Colors - $10

Render - $15

Half

Sketch - $10

Line art - $15

Colors - $20

Render - $25

Full body

Sketch - $20

Line art - $25

Colors - $30

Render - $50

Add-ons!

Background (any commission automatically comes with a simple one, free, to be pictured in examples) - $15

Extra character - $7-$20 depending on what you're getting! just ask

COMPLEX object (like a weapon) (simpler ones r free) - $5-$10 (again, depending. just ask)

Anything that would take me more time and effort than usual, really. Time and effort is what you're paying for! I try to keep most of these pretty cheap, cus you're already paying for the drawing itself lol. Just ask if you're unsure.

Other kinds of stuff I'll do!

Icons! (or emojis, they're very similar)

These are basically just the head w/ colors, so $10 If you want an emoji set (or icon set, i guess?) it'll be +$5 for each additional one!

Reference sheets!

These are fun to make! They'll include 2/3 full-body shots of your character (front, side, and/or back), 1 head shot, flat colors, and some spaces for info! You can add in the info yourself, or have me add it in for you (no additional cost). They'll run you around $50 (however, you can add/take away stuff to change the price.)

Character page!

I will just. draw the character a bunch of times. $30 base price (sketch quality) can go up to $70 if you want them VERY spruced up (full render)

FINALLY. What we've all been waiting for... Examples!

These are fullbodies! (with their categories and prices in alt) (First is a commission of one of my friends ocs, last one is moff, @/sneablebeable 's character!)

these are rendered pieces w/ backgrounds! (though pokémon like these, I would consider chibi, making them a slightly lesser price.)

Reference sheets! Highly customizable, these are 2 I did for art fight a lil while ago :)

sketches! (with complex background, with extra character) For these, I can include basic values to help with composition, but usually done just cus i feel like it. (no extra charge if I do).

Half body (in the style of a valentines card)

Icons!

Thanks for considering me! or... just checking this out! reading this far! whatever!

[avocadoguru]

I just wanna say despite that anon who talked about you abandoning the fic… I guess what I want to say is I just don’t want y’all to be discouraged by that. I know they probably didn’t mean any harm. At least I like to hope, give people the benefit of the doubt. I’d like to think maybe they just didn’t understand the tone they were projecting in their ask.

In any case, there are a lot of us who are sitting and waiting patiently like good girls and pups we are, and we know you’re both super busy and have lives and we understand that and want you to take as much time as you need ok?:( don’t let it discourage you is all I’m saying in a really terrible, babbling way (this is why I’m the reader and you guys are the writers).

We’re all so grateful for having anything at all:( this is one of my top 5 stories on here and is def my top werewolf one and I would wait forever and never complain bc I’m just grateful you guys write at all:( hang in there<33333

(@fkinavocado here) awwwww!!! this is so heartwarming and i appreciate you so much hun! ♥️ i myself will finally have time after what has felt like forever and will reach out to see how @gurugirl feels abt hashing out the next chapter. i know she's got way more creative stuff on her plate that i haven't personally even had the time to wrap my head around! but rest assured, we both love this project and even thought it's a long wait that we hadn't planned for, we'll see it through the way it deserves ♥️

[misc-obeyme]

CC 😭😭😭 lesson 30 was a rollercoaster huh. Tbh as a Beel lover, I wasn’t happy w how Belphie was acting here. I asked Beel what he thought of the Angel's Trial and Belphie just cuts him off!! And he made Beel sad and that is unacceptable to me 😤 (he says not to make him mad but no spoilers for og lesson 16 could make me choose not to be a petty bitch when I can) Beel is his own person and too sweet for this shit

Telling Sol his cooking sucks was :((( 0/10 I would've gently reminded him ratios are important especially in baking and just make sure he's not putting anything inedible in there. Or tell him to focus his creativity solely on the plating/presentation bc you eat w your eyes too or smt idk

I kinda found it funny when Sim basically told Luke he was an ugly crier. Poor baby, I hope the egg grants him that wish

I get this was setup for Levi's Little D arc but teasing the truth again makes me wanna bang my head on a wall. I know Lucifer suspects smt abt us. We know Barb knows something

Speaking of Barb, I choose to believe that the Little Ds are gonna be important later and that Beel did eat Number 6 but Barb uh, made sure that didn't happen actually

AHH anon, this lesson KILLED ME. I'm so sorry to everyone who had to read the unhinged post I wrote last night lol.

Okay, see, I was so wrapped up in the Solomon debacle that I forgot about the whole Beel & Belphie thing.

I get that Belphie is being protective, but I also felt like he wasn't really taking Beel's feelings into consideration! I think there's a fine line between being protective and being controlling. And Belphie was right on the edge of that line, imo. When you're being protective to the point that you're ignoring the needs of the person you're supposedly protecting well... it kinda defeats the purpose there, buddy.

I wonder if they're going to kind of expand on that at some point. Have the twins hash it out with each other. Because I think Belphie isn't normally like this, but I think he's still wary of humans. And his concern is overriding his usual consideration of Beel's feelings.

OKAY LET'S TALK SOLOMON AGAIN.

Listen, I've had a little time to calm down, but I am still UPSET.

Now, of course, it's best to remember that this is fiction and nothing in fiction happens the way it would irl. BUT if I had a friend (or romantic interest/boyfriend/etc) who really enjoyed cooking, but for some reason always made gross food, I probably wouldn't lie to them directly. I would do exactly as you suggest, gently remind them of how to follow a recipe and so on. I can't imagine that Solomon has spent all his life trying to learn how to cook and somehow keeps screwing it up? Like considering how much he does it, he should be getting better at it?

And apparently someone told him his cooking tasted bad in season 3 of the OG, but I don't remember that lol. If it's in the hard lessons, that's why I don't remember... I haven't actually finished all the hard lessons of the OG... oops I keep forgetting they exist my bad.

Anyway, my point here is that it doesn't make sense that someone doing something they enjoy all the time wouldn't get better at what they're doing at some point. I get that this is fictional and maybe they have a reason for it, but they need to tell us what it is because I can't take HIS SAD FACE. Normally I'd be like listen sometimes you gotta be honest or whatever, but not like this!! I would've been like what exactly did you do to make the cake taste this way, let's figure it out together... I would help him, not just be all sorry this is gross and leave it at that!

Sorry sorry I'm ranting again. I just love that silly sorcerer so much and his reaction just made me so sad.

I'm so curious about what Luke is finally gonna wish for lol. I feel like Simeon teases him the most out of everybody, he's just so chill and nice about it that it doesn't register as teasing.

I just don't understand why hiding the egg's existence was a good lie while telling Solomon his cake was good wasn't??? Ugh my heart.

AND OH YES LEVI.

I was very upset about that, too!! Like, no you don't understand!! I do need to leave, but I need to get back to you!!

I want to go back, but I don't want to go back! The stress of this is getting to me. Can we please hurry up and be done with this timeline nonsense?! Barb definitely knows something. I just want him to fix things! I think I'd have confronted him about it by now. I don't care what Sol says about not telling people we're from the future, I'd be like Barbatos, my true love, I know you already know, so let's hear it!! What is going on!?!?

I definitely think the Little Ds are going to be important later, too! Something about the fairies seems like it's going to matter as well, but I'm not entirely sure how yet.

Oh no poor Number 6! Even if Barb saved him, I would think being eaten would be rather traumatic lol.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Ngl, I dunno if missed a post on the lore but...what's the ship name? I don't think I noticed/read abt it (I did read the lores but my brain's a bit foggy so a few details might've went over my head).

Now...*inhales deeply* I simply demand to know if Ace had feelings for you as kids? When was that moment of realization for him? What was the pining like? Who's more expressive when it comes to their feelings?

P.S.

I told you that I'd come sprinting for the lore.

fdjfnsdkjfn hi cyyyyyy- i still sprinted to your inbox first muwahahahaha

ace/nyla nation has two ship names: flaming pearls and then there's sea otters. sea otters came from hash talking about how cute it is that they hold hands to keep from drifting apart while asleep! and flaming pearls i picked because aside from having complementary emojis, i think of ace as a flaming pearl considering how pearls are made but also because he's the fire, i'm the ocean obsessed nerd

so you'll find things for the two of us under either of those tags uwu

i thought about just combining our names, but nyla and ace are both so short that i couldn't think of any pleasant to the ear combinations fjdnfkdjf

we both had mutual (albeit unrealized on both ends) crushes on each other as kids. my weirdness eventually charmed him as we became friends but i'd say he didn't really get hit with the crush beam fully until i told him i'd join his crew and that is kinda long so imma screenshot old discord messages i said about it

then like 30 minutes later, sabo and luffy show up and luffy just drops the lore reveal of the century that roger is ace's dad and he worries that i'm gonna change my mind (which i didn't even think that for a second). i do take off with luffy to stay with naguri for a week though because i don't want him to be by himself and it's when sabo and ace finally join in does he finally work up the nerve to ask if i still want to be part of his crew and i'm like "obviously 🤨why'd you think i changed my mind?"

but it didn't really turn into love until the luffy getting oneshotted by a bear incident, which is also gonna just be screenshots so this post doesn't get ridiculously long

like he wakes up and sees i'm still there and his heartbeat is hard at work

i'd say the timeline in general is

10 years old, me - the crushing starts 11 years old, me - gets shot by cupid's arrow recently turned 11 years old, ace - the crushing starts still 11 years old, ace - gets shot by cupid's arrow

we'll label it him falling harder but i fell first

the pining is... definitely not realized by other of us with us mutually considering our relationship a very close friendship because we grew up together and have been through a lot together. but underneath those exchanges is a very clear romantic undertone that even luffy noticed back when we were kids ☠️(and that is just embarrassing. LUFFY? i'll see myself out) (if there's any consolation to myself at least, i do realize my feelings first and i do confess first. eventually)

the pining definitely differs from the dawn island era to the pirate era. back home, there was never really any 'competition' for each other's time and attention so there never really were moments of jealousy or anxiety, so when we're pirates despite enjoying the other being appreciated by other people, there's a tinge of missing for simpler times when it was just us in our little 'platonic' world back home

i'd say we're both even in expressing love in our own way during the pining and established relationship eras

one is riddled with lingering touches, communicative looks and shared grins... and one is riddled with all of those things but with more kisses exchanged here and there too uwu

[22degreehalo]

The more I think about it the more I'm just. obsessed with aroace Yuno!!!!

Like c'mon... 'The wanted wanting the wanter /isn't that just too perfect?' She's not doing this compensated dating because she needs the money or has any huge past trauma, there's something else attracting her: it's that normal relationships feel so fake and dishonest (meanwhile even if her clients get feelings for her, it's not her fault because she was upfront that this is a transactional thing) and with these types she can have full control of what goes on and when and where and why!!!

Which is Also making me think of. Complicated slightly fucked up Yuno+Kazui friendship.

And FIRST OF ALL I'm. very new to this fandom and haven't read Most of the drama CDs hahahaha so this is just my first impression BUT

so she approaches him early (i have no idea if any of this is canon im sso sorry this is just what I want. right now.) because guys like him are common clients (either bc they're divorced and lonely or want to feel young again or whatever) but he's just easygoing abt it but Firm No. ('I'm old enough to be your father.' 'Haha, yeah? Isn't that the point?') And genuinely doesn't seem interested which is kinda annoying but whatever.

So she kinda tries or or two approaches with him, like playing the more sexy role of her second MV, but still he's not giving Anything back At All, and honestly it's weird that she's even trying this hard? Normally it's the other way around??? Like it's not like he can even pay her in here so.

She stews a bit and wonders if she does genuinely have feelings for him finally which'd be both annoying and a relief, and honestly it just Fits that that'd be how these things go lmao that she finally has real legit feelings for a guy with no interest in her. (And Mahiru is probably super excited about it bc this is early when she's still perky and happy and wanting to push them together.)

Maybe at some point Kazui does admit that he feels lonely without someone physically there with him to touch and be close to. So Yuno finally gets him to lie in her lap or vice versa or whatever. But it feels sorta weird. And he gets a bit somber. And wonders aloud if this is what it would've been like to have a daughter.

And she just. Gets up and leaves.

She's had guys say stuff like that before. Sometimes cause they pitied her and wanted to 'save her', which was frustrating, and she'd cut them off immediately. Usually because it was some kinda fucked-up incest roleplay, which she enjoyed; more than most roleplays, actually. The sweet lovey-dovey rps are okay but kinda false and make her feel weirdly guilty; the more messed up ones, she can relax in. Fucked up familial relationships, fucked up romantic relationships: what's the difference?

But Kazui actually meant it. No ulterior sexual or compassionate motives.

She apologises later saying that it's because they never hashed out their red flags or what the scene would be about, but she's the professional here and she didn't make sure that happened so it's her bad. And he just seems to accept that, and says he doesn't want to overstep her boundaries. And seems to mean it.

There's some commonality between them. A willingness to hold themselves back. To not talk about things that people don't want to talk about. This dance of fake affection, until it's impossible to tell what one's true feelings are anymore.

She likes having her relationships set out in clear words, without the actual emotional honesty of having to delve into her own psyche. But now she sort of wants to share things with him, and she has no idea what to do with that. And on his side, he senses some similar circumstances between them, but he still isn't yet able to be honest about what he knows about himself deep down. But maybe if he was, he could talk to her.

There's some talk abt sex among the prisoners. These two are expected to have the most experience, but she's kinda like 'sex is okay. It feels good and it's a means to an end.' And he's weirdly mysterious about it all but claims that his perspective is closest to hers, which confuses everyone else.

And............somehow from that they end up being able to have a conversation about Not Wanting What Society Wants You To Want and the weird relationships you have with all that and the ways you do or don't get what you Actually want, an d it's all very good and meaningful but idk I haven't thought that far yet hahahaha that's as far as I got before I had to type it all up :')))

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s3e3 episode reaction

episode 3 is where everything always turns to shit so I'm super not looking forward to this lmfao

ohoho the queen of sweden is having a nervous breakdown. so relatable of her.

I'm lowkey also having a breakdown over wille immediately going into prince mode just bc his mom isn't doing well.

"why do you think I didn't tell you anything? because you wouldn't be able to handle it" NNNNNOOOOOOOO

oh my god that one hit WAY too hard. I can't deal with the mommy issues today.

ugh deeply agreeing with wille. simon needs to lock his social media and throw his phone away. he's starting to stress me the fuck out.

"both for me and the people around me" oh that's... quite the sentence. I know simon just got sucker punched by the fact that it's always gonna be like this

"all I want is to be with you" well you can't!

bro I hate teenagers so fuckin much lmfao

NOT BORIS WANTING TO PSYCHOANALYZE AUGUST

that was psychic warfare from wille idc

"he's decided that I'm evil" lmao you are

"I don't see the point in being nice if he's never gonna forgive me" "well, sometimes being nice to others can make you feel very good" JDKFJDLFJDKFJDKFDJKDOGIDL BORIS LOVE OF MY LIFE

THAT IS SO SHADYYYYYY LMFAO

I genuinely cannot stand vincent. if there's anyone in that school who's legit evil it's gotta be vincent.

oh. yeah. I'm feeling murderous.

fuck you country of sweden you know what you did.

FREDRIKA TYING UP HER HAIR TOO WHEN THE HOUSEMASTER CALLS FELICE OUT OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD

god. teenage girls make the world go round.

NOT WITH THE SCHOOL INSPECTORS PRESEEEEENTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

NOOOOO SKRKSJRLSKFLSKFLSKDLSKDLD

YOU TWO KEEP REHEARSING

NOT PLAYING A SINGLE KEY AND HUMMING SIFKDLFKSLFKSLFKSLFKDLFKDLFF

oh my god my baby boys

it's the fact that them being so public means that not one (1) person in that room believed they were "rehearsing" jdkfjdlfjdlfjdl

the crown prince alone in a soundproof room with his boyfriend? sure.

god that was HILARIOUS

"I just wish I could get a single moment with you without getting interrupted" [get interrupted]

cinema

of course vincent is going to LA. my bro is going to be an oscar winner in no time, given all the dramatics.

oh

oh sweet jesus

simon, this is NOT the time or place to die on the labor movement hill

oh god

man being a teenager was so exhausting I'm so glad I don't have to do anything like that again

when they eat the rich I hope vincent is first in the grill

I hope felice singlehandedly closed the school lmao

I don't wanna like the whole sara and micke thing I really don't but UGH it's so sweet.

oh

OH

oh he's not is he

IS HE FUCKING

BROOOOOOOOOOO THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY

"he seems nice" oh august you are so clueless

this isn't happening skfkdkgkdkflf

oh my god what is it with royal boys and going "you're the only one I can talk to" y'all can afford a therapist can't you

NOT THE BAKING OHHHHH MY BABIES

"you may have inherited my diagnoses, sara, but you're not me" oh fuck

bro I am like. super into sara and micke hashing shit out, neurodivergently

I can't take wille seriously in the chorus. I cannot. he's so funny

oh god sara is coming back

oh fuck me up I love it when they're all sun kissed and beautiful and have nice lil conversations in front of everyone bc they're boyfriends publicly ohohoho

oh

oh my god

oh is that gonna be the hallway scene

not august waving at sara??? bro get up????

omg the looks from stella and fredrika were SCATHING

not them skipping and swinging their hands together you guys I'm losing my whole damn mind it's getting bad it's getting so bad

WHOOOOOOOREEEEESSSSSSS

OOHHH MY GOD

holy fuck that was....... quite the scene huh

um

let me rewind just now for a lil bit

for science

my brothers in christ you are sluts.

something abt them getting to have slutty slutty sex and finishing off with an I love you heals something in me that has been broken since 2021 ngl

like look at them! they're my boys!!! they're in love and they get to have somewhat public (bc like, a hallway? really?) sex bc they're together and everyone knows!!! they love each other and they can express that in a physical form!!!!! my little strumpets!!!!!!!

ah. fucking figures, huh

of course, thanks micke

oh they're in the literal and metaphorical afterglow!!!!! I love this for them

oh that's not a great train of thought to have after sex now is it

"you can trust me" wille, my love my darling, I love you, truly, from the bottom of my heart, but can he? can he really?

oh that's an actually genius move to show both sides of the coin

I do think simon probably should not be there. son's gonna get too much attention

oh I just remembered the episode description a hahahahahahahaahahahahahaha ha oh I don't want to watch

that was precious but I swear to god simon think with your brain for once aaaaaaaaaa FUCK

great now she just posted his location. and he also fully reposted it didn't he

is he genuinely that dumb like at this point even if you're not famous by proxy you still should know not to post your live location?????? Simon. please.

oh right I forgot the monarchy can't be seen involved with that...... I was more worried abt his safety ldjfldjfldkf

oh

oh no

I was right to worry about his safety

FUUUUUUCK

ugh

[look-a-ghost]

Saw Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning tonight and need to dump thoughts in a void abt it --

!!!!! HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE FOLLOW !!!!

I thought it was really compelling that they were willing to tackle a serious issue with Lui being a victim of abuse and trauma and Ukkomon being a manifestation of coping with trauma... But it felt like there were a lot of weird mixed signals about how all of those themes resolved. In a way it felt like the movie relied too much on "a few sentences will fix this extremely deep-seated and complicated problem" to move beyond what it was bringing up. Maybe the movie would've benefited from being in more parts, like Tri? But then again, I'm not sure if the story would have necessarily held that way without being something else entirely.

I think a slight problem for me was that, like Tri, the focus of the film was centered around a newcomer, in this case Lui -- and because of that it felt like Lui's film really, and that the 02 kids just kind of happen to be there for him. Davis was really the only character who felt directly anchored to the events in any way, which I guess is fitting since he has the protag energy, but it still didn't feel as deep as the connection between Tai and Matt as the protags of Kizuna who carried the story forth. Lacking that direct personal connection made it harder to connect to the movie imo. Tri had a similar problem with it being centered around Meiko and Meicoomon's struggle, but Tri had other problems in terms of the story being fractured that it didn't feel like Meiko's story necessarily dwarfed all the other parts of the film series...

I had a thought about the theme of the film -- that you need to communicate clearly with one another to move forward and find harmony -- and felt like the theme may have applied more appropriately if Lui was having relationship troubles (either romantic or platonic). In general, it's a good theme... it's true that to maintain and support any sort of interpersonal relationship, openness, honesty, and communication are key. But Lui's trauma comes from an abusive mother, where I feel like communication is... not necessarily a guaranteed solution most of the time... mostly because there is a different relationship, and technically a different power dynamic, between a parent and a child. A child of an abusive parent is generally much less likely to be able to "communicate" their way out of being abused, and the way the movie just inserts future Lui to go "talk" to his mom in the past and magically solve her parenting tactics is like. What. What!!! How!!!!! The movie was presenting nuance in that his mom was clearly under an enormous amount of stress with Lui's dad being critically ill, and yes, it's thorny to think about that as the movie somewhat trying to rationalize what is CLEAR CUT and SUPER NOT OK abuse of Lui, but to think that she would straight up stop being abusive just because (effectively) a stranger told her to just think about her situation for a second is way too convenient for me. The same issue applies with Lui's reconciliation with Ukkomon. So just because you talked to them and hashed out the problem, it's ok that they basically possessed (and... killed????!) your parents and did a bunch of shit against your will?

My hope was that it would be revealed that Ukkomon was actually some kind of actively malevolent entity, like King Drasil or something, and the idea was to spread Digimon like a virus across the human world under the guise of being helpful. (Aww man edit, the more I think about this, the more I wish it happened… it could have turned out that the bonds between humans and Digimon became too real and powerful, and not artificially constructed as my hypothetical Ukkomon wanted, and defied the big bad’s expectations, which would further explain the loss of Digivices — that humans and Digimon care for each other so much, it transcends the need for an artificial medium. Agghhh guys can I rewrite this part of the movie for you…) I mean I looked at Ukkomon in the promo pics and I'm like this mf looks so creepy... they really played up the Kyubey factor and that led me further to believe that they would be a big bad with a plan... but no, just a weird misguided creepy lil dude....

The other reason I was thinking that Lui's communication difficulties with Ukkomon could be mirrored with some kind of relationship issue is, maybe if Lui was a parent and started a family, there would be stakes with a relationship that wouldn't have as much gravity if he was a teen in a relationship... which leads me to my next point, how is he the first Digidestined if Himekawa and Nishijima were shown to have Digimon as kids????? They could have maybe retooled it that Lui was older and reconciling with his past? Though idk i guess the more i say it the weirder it sounds to have the story be about a dude who projects heavy divorce energy, but idk... could have been a strained friendship, or a strained relationship with a sibling, really it did not have to be romance at all, just any type of interpersonal connection where there is more of a power balance, and not a relationship with an abusive mother exclusively. And again I actually respect that Digimon is willing to go to places of childhood trauma/difficult situations like divorce, illness, and death, so i didn't necessarily have a problem with the abusive mother plotline (and I actually really dug the huge horror vibe with the Ukkomon possession sequence, felt pretty interesting to see it in the Adventure setting), but just wish they could have strengthened the theme more. They could have even made it more reflective of the 02 kids, maybe their relationships with each other have been strained and they learn better to listen to one anothers' needs and move forward in cooperation. Then again yeah that would not have fit in an hour and a half long movie and then maybe it would have needed to be another bloated Tri movie series oh noooo

idk I took a while to see Kizuna and I literally only watched it a few days before going to see the 02 movie and it kind of bums me out to go from something that I felt really understood the assignment of what it means to explore Digimon, the Adventure kids, adulthood, and the nature of growing up; to this, which tried to tackle some difficult subjects but walked away with it seeming (to me) half baked in execution, and also half baked in the way it utilized and engaged with the 02 crew. I mean, the 02 kids got weirdly fridged in Tri and then just showed up as cheerleaders in Kizuna, which leads me to believe the writers kinda don't know what to do with them, which is like. Whyyyy... 02 felt so rich in story and character as well :(

On that note!! one of my favorite parts of 02 was the Digidestined Around the World stuff so it was super nice to see them getting screen time shout outs in this one :') I have always adored how much Digimon puts an emphasis on global connections so I'm always happy to see more of that stuff in this series.

Also super weird that Ukkomon as a creepy lovecraftian big bad (which was cool!) ended up being a wet noodle (almost literally) of a battle at the end too. I'm usually loath to say that a big bad is a good idea in movies (I really liked the balance with Menoa being both insane/an enemy to reckon with alongside Eosmon being a real threat, but also very much misguided and sympathetic), but they really needed to up the tension more with Ukkomon. Because Ukkomon basically surrendered and gave Lui the all clear to take it down, the final showdown felt inert and devoid of any real stakes.

Also unilaterally deciding that everyone in the world is not allowed to have a Digimon partner is like. Hello!!! Fun police!!!! Y'all canonically took my Digimon away from me!!!!!! (I mean yes ok the practical reasoning for this can definitely be argued to be sound, but still. Fun police...)

Didn't think i'd have so many thoughts but it was just a rollercoaster from finally finishing Tri recently over the span of a few years (which is why I understood why that series is so divisive), to Kizuna (which I totally get why it was well received), to this which is like... perhaps not as bad as Tri in the fact that it is not an overblown, badly paced film series with a messy narrative, but does not build on the very meaningful and emotionally provocative parts of Kizuna. Basically I expected more :'(

[unproduciblesmackdown]

on that note had also been thinking about the hilarious classic maneuver of taking things i go "smh always doing that weird/wrong" & instead putting it in the context of like oh i dunno my life experiences. like going "smh once again in one millisecond i noticed something was about to fall & just sort of Tensed instead of instantly going to catch it & in the next milliseconds hash out like 'oh but could i catch it. oh but now it's in progress am i too late' etc" but like well hang on. first of all the Tense Up / Brace For Impact approach can have its strengths too. second of all like why just kick myself when Of Course the vastly more frequent & relevant experiences of having to stifle reactions & tense up to Brace For Impact / Weather The Situation means that's the standard approach. sure tends to be the case that like "okay test your reflex time :)" type things when i Know It's Coming, i.e. preemptively Tense Up, i turn out quite slow. throwback to a true classic [my roommate that said my cat was performative while their cat did things out of true emotion] at my doctor's appointment at like age thirteen when the ol Knee Bonk Reflex Test would make me Tense/Seize That Knee Up and Then kick. and then afterwards my "big fan of unprompted criticisms / declarations about your internal experiences or true intentions" mom was like you were faking those reflexes. i'm like well i wasn't. she was like yes you were. consider the camera jimmed

secondly i was also thinking like, always been the case that when Talking, often even if in writing format, i can't really avoid mirroring the characteristics of the other person's Style / Patterns lol. was thinking about it in my Relative ease of adopting pronunciations for different language's phonemes when it's like, i guess i do have experience in Doing Voices not b/c i really often Did Voices (sometimes lol, as like, direct quotes or whatever. echoing....) but b/c like i'll just be picking up all kinds of mannerisms / tendencies / ways of speaking, including accents slightly (my default accent being disney channel) not b/c i'm messing with anyone or trying to do anything, in fact trying Not to do this is generally unsuccessfully & This Is What Happens Naturally & always has & it's like yknow what i think it might have to do with the fact that i don't think Talking in general is oh so "natural" for me / a matter of "just being myself" (things virtually never are lol) like. i think that time i had that friend in second grade where i'm like ummm i'm not sure we spoke the same language b/c i'm not sure we spoke hardly ever? but we had fun & played & amused ourselves etc til the teacher as usual went Biggest Time Sicko Mode on our "not paying attention" like nobody else's got & then didn't give a fuck abt "intervening" again when we didn't feel like we were Allowed(tm) to interact at all. & like i'm pretty sure i'd be "supposed" to feel like omg we don't talk (almost) at all?? that's SO weirrrd i remember that soooo welllll

and when i Do talk most "naturally" / "just being myself" it's all at once, wordy, and Theatrical, and even then. i did it some the other day and was Sweating, literally, less so figuratively but it does still feel demanding, and of course even when it doesn't Feel thusly, doing a Lot a lot of verbalizing can really still be draining to Taxing. and i've noticed better like yeah sometimes i'm markedly struggling to speak when i'm already extra wearied. and another thing i put into context better was like "when i'm being put tf through it why do i tend to cry through interactions. b/c i'm being a PUSSY????" like lol just on principle was like okay well who cares, i'm sure you, by which i mean i, have my reasons b/c so too would i think someone else does, like. and i remember like, i tend to Not "directly" cry of stress or sadness virtually ever. while i Do tend to be simply keeping that shit contained but Exactly When i have to try to speak? is when i happen to start crying. hmm. Hmmmm. talking Always this performance that i may often not be up for. similar to [personal visual style / Look / clothes] like my default is "basic outfit i'd want to wear every day" & my ideal is "i do not want to be perceived" & (this &) everything else is performance / drag to me, Would That that always be on my terms

another banger is my till oh so recently kicking myself like "aah [pathologization time] i'm sooo slow to be at ease / comfortable around people even when they're surely being nice, what a hassle for others" like well it can be viewed as a hassle for me but it's also like, wait, i end up having stayed uncomfortable around people who weren't being That nice by putting in That much [any effort from any Consideration] and often turn out like. ultimately not that Safe. and i look at "oh right yeah and also i sure Can be like instantly quite comfortable / at ease around people, including people i literally just met. so" &/or my not being at ease either is still way less of a deal than having to literally/figuratively sweat it while i'd feel so much more Okay avoiding detection much less interaction

[culminada]

scrolling autistic Tumblr and not relating to anything anymore.

Even though I know I'm autistic. It's all sensory sensitivity, anxiety, inability to be authentic, difficulties unmasking, experiencing ableism, unusual connection to animals (?), "stop saying autistic people have never had sex", etc.

Autistic people ARE more likely to be asexual, and I'm one of them! It feels invalidating when people complain abt other people's headcanons of autistic people never having had sex. I'm autistic and I've never had sex.

I was raised in an accepting home and homeschooled. I have never experienced someone invalidating my autism when I come out. I have never experienced someone not believing me about an autistic symptom. I have always been encouraged to be myself and express myself authentically. I don't struggle with anxiety. I feel like I can express myself authentically with my friends (autistic and neurotypical). I don't avoid social situations with them, in fact I seek them out.

I was a later teenager before I ever had to mask. I speedran 'learning to mask' in 3 years in a hostile environment (hostile meaning cliquish and normal (derogatory)) and now? Honestly it doesn't feel like masking anymore? It can be hard to initiate interaction with someone I don't know and I usually avoid it, but social cues? Just feels like learning another language. But I CAN learn it. It's a complex set of rules to be learned. I used to not be able to recognize people I'd talked to before. Now I can do it fine, no problem. I'm much better with names, too. Interaction with other autistic people feels easier, but it's still interaction.

With my neurotypical friends and family I'm very relaxed and I don't worry about masking unless it's an emotionally-charged situation (and even then, I DO want to show support and I know how, it just feels like translating what I want to communicate into a language that they'll understand and feel. It's an act of love and care for me, not a burden or smth I'm anxious about.) Social interaction doesn't cause me stress like it used to. (And how much of that was the cliquishness of the place I was at?)

And I'm not struggling to fit in a world that wasn't built for me. Neither I nor my family nor my culture expects me to get a job. The last time somebody asked if I was graduated yet or what grade I was in, and I tried to explain the convoluted mess for the umpteenth time, my mom just shrugged and casually declared me graduated. Ig I graduated in some random person's kitchen one Sunday afternoon. I'm not going to college and I don't need a job. I don't have to stress about half the things my autistic peers do.

I don't experience sensory sensitivity, like I've said.

I hyperfocus so hard I DONT notice all the little things; distracting sounds, etc. that even neurotypicals notice.

Sometimes I feel like I have the opposite of all the autistic symptoms.

What ARE my symptoms then?

Inability to start and stop tasks. Special interests. Stimming. Rigid thinking. Missing social cues. Lower empathy. Caffeine doesnt effect me. Hyposensitivity. Greater need of sleep. Distress when things change. Difficulty adjusting my expectations when circumstances change. Missing the bigger picture (esp in social situations). Needing to re-hash every social interaction in my head after the fact.

And those symptoms are mild, too, in the sense that they don't impact my life a whole lot. Maybe I just have kind friends who don't mind the occasional missed social cue or oversharing? Executive dysfunction is the worst symptom (in the sense of negatively impacting my life), and maybe oversleeping compared to neurotypicals. Am I even autistic??

I don't know, AM I masking and don't realize it? Bc I definitely used to have major social trouble.

My friend who is autistic is very sure that I'm autistic, but idk if that's just because I can speak the autistic language easily? I remember before I knew I was autistic and she told me she was, and I mentally switched my script from 'normal people (derogatory)' to 'autistic person (yay, less complex!)'

At the time, I saw it as just another script. An easier one for sure, one I understood (even just from seeing posts online. There's just one rule: be straightforward. And maybe let her info dump sometimes. And be aware of potential sensory difficulties.). It felt more natural; like the way I always communicated at home. like I could stop masking.

But I don't have any scripts at all now. I don't mask. I just interact. I know how my autistic friend interacts. I know how my neurotypical friends interact. And I just DO! The interaction!

What do yall think? Is this masking?? Aaaaahcjskfjskfjd