#has inspired me to revisit the idea and commit to it

[solvicrafts]

My activity is going to be really sporadic for a while because I am going full-in on this project. I am absolutely 1000% dead-serious about Bregan D'aerthe. I am channeling my inner Jarlaxle, which just so happens to be the drow equivalent of a clown car in one half of my brain and Kimmuriel screeching "act now, you peacock!" in the other half.

I don't want to just build a website, I want to build a community resource. I want to create something that gives everybody a chance to be seen and heard. I want to promote new and lesser known authors and artists and their projects. I want to create a public resource for all things drow that actually keeps up with the times and is actually accurate and helpful to the fandom.

And also

I really want a Bregan D'aerthe company email. And an ID badge. And a lanyard. And business cards. And a pony and--

[campfam4lyfe]

Got any campfam aus or ideas in the works?

hey anon! I wouldn’t say I have any ideas in the works, because I have what I like to call commitment issues when it comes to writing fic.

This means that while I have an abundance of ideas, outlines, and wips in my Google docs for the fandoms I’ve been in. I’ve never actually finished a fic and posted it.

In fact, the only single time I have, (diff fandom!) I am not counting properly, because it was a collab with a close mutual, and a lot of the legwork was them. I had the initial plot bunny and was going to leave it as a one off tumblr post, but my mutual rlly liked the idea and we bounced drabbles and such back and forth. We wrote a bunch of snippets and put them together in a doc, until we had cohesive chapters, as we filled the empty spaces with more and more work, ending up to a total of 18 chapters. It took us a year and a half to post it, and that was mostly my fault, as where my mutual had finished most of their allotted sections, different hyperfixations kept pulling me to other unfinished works. This is why I won’t promise anything—I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But, that being said. I do have ideas, hcs, and aus! One that is currently consuming me, was actually inspired by this one other post I saw recently. (When I find the post ima link it dw!) OP of the post was saying that there should be a Carmen Sandiego au for CC and I jumped on that SO fucking fast anon. I LOVE Carmen Sandiego, and have since it first aired when I was in HS.

So. Here’s some of the Carmen Sandiego au thoughts copy/pasted from my Google docs. (Yes I do always write out my outlines as if I’m taking to someone but that’s bc i sometimes end up sharing the doc link with some friends)

JWCC Carmen Sandiego AU:

Y’all know Kenlynn is my JAM and so is RedCrackle. So obvi I thought of mixing the two right? But here’s the thing. While I love Carmen/Gray, I am also in love with Carmen/Ivy and Carmen/Julia.

So with that in mind. Kenlynn is going to take a backseat for a second (meaning tho they'll become a thing and obvi they will bc they are a constant to me, theyre not the center of this), and my fave girls YASAMMY will be at the forefront of this au.

I’m thinking. Carmen Sammy. But I’m not entirely sure about whether or not that’s what I want? It could be argued that Sammy’s love for her family is a core driving force in her character, and Carmen doesn’t KNOW her family. But also—a huge plot point is that she’s looking for her mom. So. Tentative Carmen Sammy.

MANTAH CORP AS VILE MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E

So I figure not everything is going to be one-to-one. This means I am placing Kenji in the role of Gray/Crackle. His story is going to be different tho, bc whereas Gray was a recruit, with MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E that means Daniel is already on the board. So kenji trying to make his dad proud? More likely than you think.

(I just wanted my Sammy&Kenji besties. Bestie betrayal can be just as good as romantic betrayal)

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this if we’re not going the redcrackle route. Thats right. YASMINA JULIA.

I considered at first, YASMINA CARMEN and SAMMY IVY, but in the end the need for Sammy Carmen was too great.

So I also considered Dave and Roxxie as Chase and Julia but, I decided to scrap that idea for now. You know me, at some point I might revamp most of the au anyways lol, now is not a time for fine tuning it’s just a tentative starting point.

Torn between DARIUS as Player or Brooklynn as Player. I considered Ben of course, but I think we need to put him on an island at some point—he needs a Bumpy, no matter the universe.

WAIT. REVISITING BEN AS PLAYER. BECAUSE DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. This means no Carmen/Ivy vibes but since we ditched the Gray/Carmen as well in this au I think it’s fine.

Ben still has to end up with Bumpy somehow tho? Original Ben plan, when Darius was a Player candidate, was Ben is also a V.I.L.E recruit.

V.I.L.E having a faction that deals with genetics and cloning (in addition to like. Kash and his robots) and ending up with a dinosaur—Bumpy! And that being Ben’s flip to the other side/Team Sammy. He defects and steals Bumpy on his way out.

Okay I’m a little too attached to that, so yeah. V.I.L.E recruit Ben, so Brooklynn as player??

Oh! She doesn’t have!!! IRL friends!! Brooklynn being an Internet famous vlogger as in canon. So we get that running gag of Sammy and Brooklynn always being in contact and Brooklynn being a big part of the heists through investigative work and such, yet she’s constantly on the other side of the globe? Sammy needs to be in Sydney but Brooklynn is in New Orleans. That kinda stuff.

Works with Brooklynn having traveled all over the world, she can also do those factoids player does—she’s got the deets.

Oh!???? THATS HOW WE GET MY FAVE DUO OF DINOSTAR BESTIES!!! They both love their facts. They’re nerds.

Mae as shadowsan? Tentatively?

Okay. Player Brooklynn. Except instead of being home most of the time, she’s usually on the go. She’s talked to kenji a few times during Sammy and Kenji’s V.I.L.E recruit era.

Kenji as the Gray of this au. he’s a V.I.L.E legacy. he became friends with sammy his recruitment year, and he'd talked to brooklynn a few times, due to sammy introducing them because kenji was curious about whether or not sammy has friends in the outside world, and sammy noticing brooklynn feeling a little left out/jealous that sammy had friends she was hanging with in person rather than over a phone call.

kenlynn kenlynn kenlynn

does he recognize her voice from her vlogs? does he even watch them? i dont think hed be a brooklander, guys got a lot on his plate and thats impressing his dad

ben is a V.I.L.E. recruit. maybe a bit of mime bomb, in that he was. not as close? with the other recruits. i do think having ben come in as a recruit the year sammy defects would be cool tho. so he doesn't know her as "black sheep" or whatever code name V.I.L.E refers to her as. he'll first meet her as Sammy.

yaz as JULIA!!!!! a junior agent? a former athlete. trying to make it make sense, but i think it fits.

omg. yaz. is alex rider basically holy shit

was thinking of dave as chase, and decided that i was going to keep it.

roxxie as the Chief.

mae as shadowsan.

yes. it IS because i want a roxxie/mae/dave love triangle and that need's final form was ot3

DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. i dont want their mom to be dead. but i dont know WHAT happened to her and why theyre involved in this life of crime? i love the og carmen&ivy&zack meeting. and i love that they were involved with racing. trying to find a way to incorporate it and make it make sense

important question.....is darius and his dad's great shared love still dinosaurs?

OR IS IT CARS? RACING?????? BRAND BEING INVOLVED IN THE RACES BC IT WAS IMPORTANT TO DARIUS AND THEIR DAD AND DARIUS CANT DRIVE YET

AND. SAMMY. AS CARMEN!!!!!!

okay so carmen's dad was a former V.I.L.E. agent who left it all behind for the woman he fell in love with right? well. obvi this au isnt a one to one. like there clearly have been changes in characters and dynamics. but i think involving elements from this could work. lemme map it out to make sense

okay so in cc sammy spies for mantah corp despite her parents not wanting her to. meanwhie carmen's dad defects from V.I.L.E., i think shadowsan was there and so was the chief and he dies.

okay so--sammy's dad was a V.I.L.E. agent, fell in love, defected. V.I.L.E. catches up with him, and does A.C.M.E. and in the fallout, the house collapses. A fire? an explosion? they think sammy died. (im not killing off sammy's dad bc damnit she needs a happy ending)

yaz losing faith in the system and having her hot girl summer being romanced by the pretty thief she's supposed to be catching

ben ditches VILE/Mantah Corp with Bumpy and meets Darius at some point--oh!!!

mae/shadowsan joins Team Sammy at the end of s1 i think? okay, so, when she joins, she brings ben, a fresh defector with her.

obvi ben left after he stole bumpy from them

at some point during their occasional talks, kenlynn became friendly with each other. then The Train scene happens. and kenji is promptly deemed a disappointment and dealt with the way gray is.

brooklynn ends up coming across a memory-wiped kenji during one of her vlogs. he doesnt know he knows her, just that something about her voice seems familiar.

brooklynn brings it up and the other are Concerned but also have a lot on their plate rn/dont truly trust him again or are unclear on whether or not they should. darius/brand bc their experiences havent been good so far, and sammy doesnt want to risk them. but he was still one of her first friends. shes torn

brooklynn making contact with him. smth smth she ends up needing a camera man for one of her vlogs and kenji volunteers. they grow closer during her sporadic visits. he asks her out.

DANIEL KON HAS ENTERED THE CHAT. SAMMY NEEDS BROOKLYNN TO DO HER THING. SHE MISSES THE DATE.

Meanwhile, that entire interactive ep??? of carmen sandiego with the julia/carmen??? THAT. THAT HAPPENS. YASAMMY DANCE AND WE GET THAT SCENE YOU KNOW THE ONE

[artist-issues]

Ok, so someone on Disney’s YouTube channel thinks that This Wish sounds similar to God Help The Outcasts and that Asha is like Esmeralda. I’m just thinking, “Uh no, Esmeralda was cooler AND a better person to look up to. Asha is not.” But what do you think?

I haven’t revisited “This Wish” since I saw the movie because I just think it’s not a very good song. So I can’t really compare and contrast it to “God Help the Outcasts” musically.

But story-wise, God Help the Outcasts is Esmeralda specifically asking God to deliver the outcasts in Paris from persecution, because she 1) just experienced the fact that she can’t do anything to help them on her own, and 2) she believes there’s a chance God will actually answer because He was “once an outcast too.”

Contrast that with This Wish; Asha is vaguely singing to the stars, which she does not indicate she believes are actively listening (judging by her surprise when something actually happens at the end of the song.) Asha believes that “the stars are there to guide us.” If anything, she’s not asking for the stars to save the day for her people because she can’t: she’s asking for the stars to point her in a direction so that she can save the day.

I’m beating the dead horse, but God Help the Outcasts is about Esmeralda realizing that love and justice have to come from God, because neither she nor her people have the power to right all the wrongs Frollo is committing. This Wish is about Asha declaring that she’s not too young, she’s right, she’s empowered, and she’s going to do something about Magnifico as soon as she has direction—and it’s supposed to be a declaration of bravery to even make a wish. The point of the song isn’t a cry for help, like God Help the Outcasts is. It’s a declaration of her own power. The refrain is “so I make this wish.” (Against all odds, even if everybody ((two people)) disagree, even if I’m up against ((he hasn’t even done anything directly to you yet)) the king himself, I STILL make this wish because I’m brave and powerful and right) Not, “help me make this wish come true.”

And Esmeralda is a WAY. WAY better character than Asha. You’re right.

Esmeralda is this passionate person who starts the movie off very clearly knowing exactly where the injustice in the world lies. So then the question the audience gets to ask is, “what’s she going to do about it?” She’s going to stand up and call what’s right “right” and what’s wrong “wrong,” even if nobody else will.

Quasimodo doesn’t know where the injustice in the world is until Esmeralda explains it all to him. Phoebus isn’t taking an active, public role in standing up to the injustice in the world until after Esmeralda sets that example for him. Esmeralda is frustrated because she feels like nobody else is going to help her stand up for outcasts. She feels like the world is too dark and too cruel—which is exactly the lie Frollo has Quasimodo believing—but then the turning point literally comes when she asks God for help.

Because Quasimodo hears that. And he’s inspired to help her. And Phoebus, who gave Esmeralda the safety to use the church as a sanctuary in the first place, winds up sacrificing it all to stand up for outcasts. So she’s learning that Frollo isn’t all-powerful and she isn’t the only one who will stand up: the God who made the outcasts is the one really in control of justice. The idea of the movie is that Notre Dame is an object-lesson for what goodness in the world is.

Quasimodo is told it’s his sanctuary from darkness and cruelty, but it’s really being used like a prison, where he can never join the people around him. Esmeralda is also told that it’s like a prison. Phoebus and the priest seem to take Notre Dame for what it actually is: it’s true sanctuary.

You can go there for real justice, not Frollo’s twisted exclusive version. You can go there for real safety, not the dark and perilous hiding place of the gypsies in the court of miracles. When you stand up for what’s right, stand up from there, on top of Notre Dame, not hidden, but where everybody can see, because it’s for everyone—and by “it,” I’m no longer talking about the building of Notre Dame, I’m talking about safety found in God. A real higher power who can actually right the wrongs because He is higher.

I mean, Frollo uses Notre Dame (and religion) like it’s his personal instrument for “justice.” He uses it to hide the evidence of his biggest misdeed. He uses it to keep Quasimodo under his control and afraid. He’s even quoting Scripture (about God “smiting the wicked and plunging them into the fiery pit”) when he goes to kill Esmeralda. But then the literal church itself falls out from under him. Because he’s wrong, he was never really standing on it when he did things in its name. Phoebus doesn’t defeat Frollo in a sword fight. Esmerelda doesn’t outsmart him. Quasimodo doesn’t knock him off the building. Nobody defeats Frollo except an act of God, in the movie. The gargoyle inexplicably breaks out from underneath him, then comes to life angrily and carries him down to hell.

I’m not exaggerating, I’m not using confirmation bias, that’s what happens in the movie.

Anyway. The point of the movie was that there is darkness and cruelty in the world, but it’s God’s world, and He looks out for the outcasts in it, which is what makes it liveable. And Esmeralda is a character who supports that main point like a beautiful, well-crafted pillar.

Asha in no way does that for her own movie’s main point. It’s main point is “you have the power to make your wishes come true, so keep trying.” But like I’ve said ten times before: Even if that main point were not self-obsessed and bad, Asha’s character never supports it. She does not struggle with believing in herself or her own power, she doesn’t give up or struggle with “trying,” and she doesn’t even have a well-defined wish to work toward. She just vaguely wants the bad guy to stop.

Esmeralda has flaws. She has trust issues. She struggles to believe that anybody who isn’t an “outcast” can be good and helpful. She has to be told to ask for help from God; it doesn’t occur to her beforehand. Asha has no flaws. She’s barely a character.

Those are my thoughts.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Scared to Commit to Dream Project

xuliaxuxu asked: I'm an aspiring author who has been writing for a long time but never actually committed to my dream project because it scares me. I've read a lot about structure, good character development and arcs, and how it all works, but I'm still scared of not being able to write a story I'm proud of. Do you have any tips on how to get through the outlining process and first draft without feeling so much pressure on your shoulders? And are the first steps in writing a novel where you have so many ideas but don’t know how to organise them? It’s been a lonely process since I have no writer friends to talk about these specific struggles. Thank you for your lovely work here on tumblr it has been inspiring me a whole lot!

[Ask edited for length]

If it's any reassurance, the fact that you've been teaching yourself about structure and character development puts you ahead of a lot of writers when they first start out. But it's also a bit of a double-edged sword, because that knowledge raises the bar for what you expect to be able to accomplish. And unfortunately, having the knowledge doesn't mean you can instantly apply it perfectly. You still need to practice applying that knowledge before you can get really good at it. It's sort of like this: if you wanted to get really good at hand lettering, you could watch hours and hours of videos about how to do it... you could learn about the different techniques and the lingo, etc., but that doesn't mean you'll be able to do flawless hand lettering the first time you pick up a brush marker. You'll still have to actually practice those techniques for a while to get really good at it. Writing is the exact same way. And that can be frustrating because you know what you want to accomplish, and you have the knowledge to get yourself there, you just don't have the actual skills to actually get there yet.

So, here's what I recommend... keep the dream project on the back-burner for now. You can still work on the pre-planning (because even that qualifies as practice), but in the meantime work on other projects to get the practice in. There's a little bit of sacrifice here because you should find ideas you're excited about, but you have to write them knowing they're not going to be your best work. And that's fine, because writing them doesn't mean you have to share them or publish them. You can write them and keep them on the shelf as a reminder of the work you've done along the way. You can also revisit favorite projects later to revamp them with a more practiced skill set.

Working on something you're excited about and love--but which has the leeway to be not your best work--is the absolute best way to take the pressure off yourself when outlining and getting through the first draft. Once you've done this a few times and you know you're getting the hang of it, you can revisit your dream project, and just the fact that you know what you're doing will take a ton of that pressure off. Another thing that will help once you get to that point is remembering that your outline and first draft don't have to be perfect--and they won't be. Part of the writing process is having the flexibility to change things as you go, to tweak and improve, even into the later drafts. Developmental editing wouldn't exist if your outline and first draft had to be structurally perfect. :)

As far as organizing a lot of ideas, you might find it helpful to find a story planner of some kind. These exist as web sites (Novlr), apps (Fabula), programs (Scrivener), workbooks (Outlining Your Novel Workbook by K.M. Weiland), and you can even find time for download on Etsy. You can probably also find free ones to download if you can't spend any money. If nothing else, get yourself a multi-subject notebook and divide it into sections like plot, characters, world, brainstorm and get all those ideas out into their individual sections. Even that can make a big difference.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[hyakinthou-naos]

Hi, I’ve been a Hellenic polytheist for around a decade now, and recently have found myself in somewhat of a crisis of faith. It’s not that I no longer believe in the Theoi, just that I’ve been… uninspired lately? I guess that’s as good a description as I can articulate right now.

In prior seasons of life, my faith wove seamlessly into the fabric of my being. It felt effortless and connected to everything I was and did. These days it feels awkward and clunky, an afterthought to the rest of life. I think about my faith in prior years and feel so incredibly disheartened by the loss of psyche.

A recent discussion of the matter with my therapist culminated in the idea to revisit this devotional blog I had made (and immediately abandoned) last summer, in hopes of finding both community and inspiration. Your online temple was one of the first pages I found that brought back that spark of excitement in faith. I know I am extremely new here, but I feel compelled to ask you:

Do you have any ideas for cleansing such pervasive miasma, or any advice on becoming reconnected to faith?

Either way, I thank you for your time. My best,

Leda Euphrosyne

Dear Leda,

Thank you for your question. I want to start by saying that you are not alone in what you are experiencing - doubting or being unsure of the Theoi's reality is a very common occurrence. I even touched on my own experience in this area in This Ask.

Now, regarding Miasma.

The term Miasma (ΜΊΑΣΜΑ) - as it was used in Hellenic Greece - refers to severe spiritual pollution and/or spiritual impurity. Acts that create Miasma include homicide, close contact with dead animals or people (this sometimes includes funerary practices), sexual crimes, and desecrating sacred sites.

Unless you have committed some kind of crime, I do not think you need to be cleansed of Miasma.

What you may be thinking of is Agnēia (ἈΓΝΕΊΑ) which is more comparable to ritual impurity.

Either way, my advice for you would be this:

1. Set aside an evening to reconnect with The Theoi/The Gods. Make sure that you will have at least a couple of hours where you will not be interrupted.

2. If you currently have an altar, prayer space, or shrine - clean that space both physically and spiritually. Wipe down surfaces, dust off objects, and remove any old offerings. To spiritually cleanse the space you can say a prayer, use incense, or (my personal favorite) use sound to cleanse the space. You can use a bell, clap your hands, or even bang pots together if you'd like.

3. Cleanse your physical body. Whether this is just washing your hands, or a full on spiritual bath with candles and herbs - wash away any dust or dirt you may have on your person.

4. Cleanse your body spiritually. Before approaching The Theoi, take a moment to ground and calm yourself in whatever way works for you. Some people like to listen to music, some like to use incense, and some like to chant. Whatever works best for you is totally fine. Take time to get into the right headspace before moving forward.

5. Speak to your Gods. Call upon them and invite them into your home and your space. Tell them what you have told me, let them know how you are feeling and what you are going through. 5.5 Before or after your conversation, provide an offering of some kind. It doesn't need to be anything extravagant - a glass of water is just as wonderful an offering as anything else. (If you need to ask anything of your Gods - I would provide your offering first as a show of good faith and to help with building Kharis).

Allow yourself to be honest - internally and with the Theoi. If you feel like the Theoi are with you - then they are; if you feel like the Theoi are make believe - then give yourself permission to play pretend.

I hope this has been at least somewhat helpful - if you'd like any more advice or guidance our askbox and DMs are always open.

Eirene, peace and farewell.

- Aön

[iguanodont]

Hello Iguanodon't I watched a video by curiosity archive that showcased your and I was wondering if you have any advice for a novice world builder. I want to get started on my world and I have some ideas floating around but I am struggling to connected them all in a cohesive manner. I am also having finalizing ideas, concepts, and lore. S0 I was wondering what helped you commit to an idea or concept in your project and what helped you connect various ideas and concept together?

Wanna know my secret? I *don’t* commit to ideas. Birgworld is an ever evolving work in progress, and I change or build on details all the time. Heck, half the art in the curious archives video was outdated, but that’s ok! The important thing is that you put out something, because nobody will ever notice your ideas if you never share them. Birgworld has been somethjng I’ve worked on and off for years, and the first few years? I hated it. The designs were ugly, the setting was derivative, it felt like it was going nowhere. But I kept drawing them, and taking note of which ideas were a hit, and over time people started getting invested and asking questions that inspired more art and questions, and the project grew from there. Seriously, a lot of my best posts are inspired by good questions.

Also. Once you have content out in the world you can refer to, it’s easier to revisit it in the future when the idea for how to do it better suddenly strikes. After a while, you’ll have put out enough content that it will start to make sense when you step back and look at it, like a jigsaw puzzle that’s just complete enough that you can make out the big picture. It might even inspire new ideas!

Another bit of advice: Give things names. ‘Birgworld’/‘birdbugs’ themselves are placeholders that never got replaced, and are among the few things I don’t think I can really change now lmao. I think one of the first times I realized birgworld was a project I actually wanted to commit to was when I pulled a name out of my ass for Swooce (I have a long and unfortunate history of getting invested in joke characters). Coming up with a name for the Twowi was another huge step forward because it allowed me to think of them as People with unique cultures instead of a monolithic species

Anyway tldr: keep posting until a. Your art/ideas get better and b. you have enough content that you can start connecting them in ways you couldn’t have predicted before

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

makenzie!! batman adaptation discussion for you: it could be argued that there are small elements of camp in batman begins (jonathan crane & falcone embodying them specifically, but also zsasz a little bit lmao), that are nearly obliterated in the two sequels... like nolan was toying with the idea of letting loose, mayhaps. it's really interesting to me, especially because batman begins is arguably the most boring film of the three. would love to know if you have thoughts on this

(my thoughts are getting away from me but also like how does this compare to the kind of camp in batman 2022?? neither are very similar to the 80s/90s films)

hi Elizabeth!!! I was waiting to answer this because I thought my Batman movie club was going to knock out all three Nolan movies pretty quick and I could give a more informed answer, but alas - we've hit a hiatus after Batman Begins, so that's all I'm going to have to work with and it's going to have to suffice because I don't want to leave this sitting in the inbox any longer.

I think for the most part Nolan's Batman movies are too wildly self conscious to qualify for true camp status, but without having revisited the Dark Knight and Rises yet I think I can agree that Begins has the most flirtation with maybe getting a little silly? I think Zsasz is too minor to make much of a dent in the all-consuming self-seriousness, but Cillian Murphy is really breathlessly committed to the Scarecrow and playing him as a straight-up comic book villain in a way that doesn't get to happen much later in the series. he tells Batman to lighten up while he sets him on fire, which rules and would, I think, probably not be allowed in the later movies. he ends the movie wearing a straightjacket riding a stolen police horse and gets immediately taken out by a lawyer with a taser! he's giving us everything he has to give! he has like four minutes of screen time and all of them are perfect.

I do think it's very interesting that throughout all three movies, Nolan is picking out antagonists who are known for being like. BOMBASTICALLY weird and over the top - Scarecrow! Two-Face! Catwoman! Bane! the fucking Joker!!! an entire secret society of assassins, COME ON - and then kind of fighting against the very nature of these characters to make them fit into the world he's envisioned, with mixed results; Harvey and Selina and Bane in particular all fall pretty flat for me. like, fuck, where's Lady Shiva's movie? not that she's not also on some freak shit, but a vicious martial artist obsessed with proving herself against the best fighters in the world seems way easier to fit into a grounded Bat universe in a way that doesn't feel anticlimactic than, say, a bad CGI Two-Face who almost immediately gets murdered. there were options!

anyway I've gotten way off topic, but I agree that Begins had the most wiggle room to set the tone for the universe by virtue of being the first and it did Try Some Things, especially with the presentation and pomp of the League of Shadows, as well as some of Bruce's Brucier moments when he's playing up his rich dolt image, but ultimately a lot of it got rejected in the latter installations in favor of getting ever grimmer.

comparing it to the 2022 movie is REALLY INTERESTING because they're both very dark and gritty, tonally, and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why one of them mostly works for me and the other one mostly doesn't (although I'll preface this by saying that they both have high and low points, especially: re their casting; Murphy's Scarecrow is inspired in a mostly bland movie and Paul Dano's Riddler is miserable in a mostly excellent movie, etc).

for me personally a lot of it comes down to how much trust the respective directors seem to be willing to put in their audiences to buy in and accept Batman as a story for what it is; this is largely what I mean when I say Nolan seems insecure in his story. Batman Begins, in particular, has much of its first hour bogged down by explanations of where every individual piece of Bat costuming and tech comes from, almost like Nolan feels a need to look at the audience and prove that it totally makes sense and could work; it comes across like he was specifically anticipating and writing for people who would call Batman's gadgetry unrealistic plot holes, and preemptively apologizing for what Batman is. the whole trilogy comes across as similarly cringing, like it can't quite shake being embarrassed by where it comes from.

The Batman 2022, to me, is sort of tonally similar, in that it's very grounded in the crime and corruption and grimiest parts of Gotham, but it reminds me much more of stories like the Long Halloween the way it's taking place in a sweaty haze version of the city that feels like a fever dream. everything is so heightened where Nolan's movies are so grounded as to be miserably earthbound; from the opening narration Bruce is already a prowling, larger than life shadow who calls himself a creature of the night and sulks around his miserable gothic mansion in running eye makeup while flinching from the sunlight. Reeves doesn't waste a fucking second explaining what Batman is or why Batman is because you are a 21st century moviegoer, you know what and why Batman is and we have shit to do. he already knows Gordon, the Joker is already in prison, the Batmobile is a muscle car that looks goddamn possessed and no, you don't need to worry about where it came from.

the whole movie is wrapped is this fucking. vaguely horny neon ambiance where you mostly know the rules but also have this sense that anything weird could happen at any moment; it's a space that is operating without powers or anything too outlandish for now but very much feels like it has room for a Poison Ivy or a Scarecrow twisting your mind, for a Clayface making you paranoid as you don't know who to trust. it's a gorgeous world to play in and I think it's going to lend itself much more to adapting the world, much more so than the Nolan movies where the addition of each new iconic character just came with the question of how much would be stripped away and flattened to make them fit in. camp requires that kind of playful artifice, things masquerading as other things, to work, and I think Batman 2022 really nailed that.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Our sixth book in the series (fourth in written order) The Silver Chair is one of the hardest Narnia books to write about. It's a weird one but most fans I've known like it and I bet it's a fair few people's favorites. This time we're done with the four Pevensie siblings and our holdover is Eustace Scrubb from Dawn Treader. More mature and changed by the voyage here with a classmate Jill. Back to the same vibe as The Magician's Nephew pair with a way better Uncle Andrew stand-in out of our main man this blog will always stan, Puddleglum. I know you lovelies out in Tumblr land love Puddleglum.

Imagine Eeyore playing D&D as a frogman paladin. Pessimistic as hell, though he assures us he's a weird optimist for his Marsh-Wiggle race, but he goes hard. I have never forgotten the sheer emotion that came across when Puddleglum found out he committed the major taboo of eating a talking animal. He also gets the best chance to showcase why I like the fine line CS Lewis walks with Christian elements in the series.

Has to do with the main plot. Underdark this time and now I'm starting to appreciate where my love of fantasy sea, desert, and cave journeys come from. Caspian's son Rilian has been taken by an evil queen brainwashing him. Evil queen does lean into being a figure for atheist arguments but it's important to note that the tone is a very fine line. Imagine making a criticism of Youtube Athiests leaning on specious reasoning to dunk on a prominent Christian. It ties in more with the series setting up Eustace & Jill through a criticism of English schools, Digory in Wardrobe bemoaning how they don't teach logic anymore. And what seals the deal to me is how Puddleglum lays it out in a bit of an author filibuster...making explicit the idea that he thinks the question of whether or not Aslan and the world of Narnia above are actually real isn't important.

The idea of those things matters in its own right, especially if those ideals inspire him to be a better person. The belief that this worldly life is but the first step on a much grander journey, the faith that the world is a more special place than mankind can fully grasp does not need to be true if it gives us the drive to make a better Earth. I can get behind that at least. This is also a man who very much believes in the idea of maintaining whimsy & childlike wonder for much of the same reasons. That's pretty ballsy for Christian philosophy, looking at the clergy I know today I only know one example who'd comfortably say something like that and he's still an asshole that really could do with reading The Last Battle more closely. I'm not a religious person by any stretch, but it absolutely pisses me off to see charlatans looking for a hot take trash a wonderful child-friendly series that teaches critical thinking and examines the nature of belief as mere Christian propaganda.

Other than that you see the writing start to mature. Special shoutout to The Horse and His Boy getting a nod as a famous in-universe tale. Which is awesome for a very 1001 Nights inspired side story. Even more so when it is a foreshadow or callback depending on which order you read the series in. Eustace & Jill are a solid pair. I don't think they have the chemistry Digory & Polly had but weaker character chemistry for CS Lewis is still better than most. Great, great entry in the series that is a fun story for a kid but gives you some real meat if you revisit as an adult.

[doeg-box2006]

Guess what? Today is my birthday, which means I am officially turning 18. It marks the beginning of my journey into adulthood, I suppose...

I know this post is going to be a little long and some few vents here and there but, i want to express my gratitude for your support when I posted my (Not so best) first Eosd arrangement of Alice's stage. Initially, when I didn't have my laptop, and for my very dedicated early viewers who have been with me since the beginning of my channel. A fun fact for my newer viewers - I used to upload Gacha content (Yes, I used to be a silly cringy Gacha YouTuber! :3). Most of it consisted of cringy and unoriginal stories that I created, featuring a silly and bubbly half-dog boi named 'Doggy Sky,' who is still the mascot of this channel (now known as Skyon because he's like my child!). Many of my earlier works lacked originality as storytelling wasn't my strong suit teheh... It's unfortunate that these old videos are lost now. I wish I had archived them so I could revisit them and chuckle at my own cringy creations before deleting them. It's sad that a part of my channel history has disappeared...

[Also another fun fact about my channel's name, 'Derpy_UwU2006'. The name 'Derpy' is inspired by one of my favorite Mlp characters named Derpy, 'UwU' is a nod to my furry phase :P, and '2006' represents of course my birth year.]

One year comes by, I came across a specific Touhou arrangement called "A World Nightmares Never Seen Before" from Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom in the style of the 6th installment.

I really like how they arranged the theme! Afterwards, I wanted to listen to more arrangements done in that style. Soon enough, I discovered  @_boga0817 ​​​​'s channel from this video.

I was mesmerized by their amazing work in imitating this style! The more of their works I watched, the stronger my desire became to arrange like them. They heavily influence me to start my own Touhou arrangements. I have been following them since around 2020. Initially, I used to upload their unreleased or work-in-progress arrangements from their Google Drive. However, I realized it was wrong to take their work without consent and eventually deleted the uploads. Thanks again to  @_boga0817 ​​​​​ for inspiring me to arrange!✨

I just really adore the sound of the SD-90 in that classic Windows installment from this incredible franchise that has captured my interest for the past 6 years.

Anyways I would like to apologize for not uploading more arrangements as promised. Balancing personal life and dealing with burnout has made it challenging to keep up with my commitments. The whole idea of turning 18 is particularly overwhelming as it marks the end of my childhood, leading me to reflect on everything and feeling a bit depressed. I'm feeling very anxious about what the next chapter in my life will bring, filled with uncertainties about the future. I fear that I may end up feeling very lonely due to struggling with social interactions and lack of friends. Being alone most of the time has left me lacking in social skills and makes talking to people difficult for me... I simply want to express my gratitude to everyone for sticking with me through this journey. In 2024, despite the challenges I've faced, I am choosing to remain optimistic and envision a bright future ahead..!✨

To wrap up this post, here is a silly old drawing I made of Skyon.. In 2019! :3

[labelle-dame-sansmerci]

Interview with The Vampire - Part I: An Annotation

Page 5

1791, and Louis is 25 years old

Louis has obviously traveled because his accent has faded over the years, but remnants of it remain, as noted by "boy"

Page 7-8

"Then he told me about the visions. Both St. Dominic and the Blessed Virgin Mary...had told him he was to sell all our property...everything we owned, and use the money to do God's work in France"

It's interesting that his brother (Paul, not yet named) mentions selling the plantation to do God's work but never mentions freeing or doing right by the people working their fields.

Page 9

Why would a holy man commit su!cide? Especially a devout Catholic.

Was Louis' brother "helped" to his end?

Page 10

This has to be the birth of Louis' guilt, receiving unfounded blame from everyone for his brother's death.

Page 11

"And then I was attacked...it was a vampire."

Enter Lestat (although he has not yet been named)

Page 14

"I saw my life as if I stood apart from it, the vanity, the self-serving, the constant fleeing from one petty annoyance after another, the lip service to God and the Virgin and a host of saints whose names filled my prayer books, none who made the slightest difference in a narrow materialistic and selfish existence. I saw my real gods...the gods of most men."

Louis revisits the foundations of faith, belief and spiritual trust.

Lestat didn't ask Louis to be his companion; however, his words convinced Louis to join him.

Page 15

Louis' comparison of his transformation to sex might be the first sign of AR's idea of intimacy for vampires as the blood exchange.

AR names Lestat.

Page 16

Louis focuses on how the death of the overseer made him feel squeamish and sick, but as a slave owner, was he this morally inclined towards the people working his land?

Page 17

WHY IS LOUIS AROUSED. Red flag???

"But the other light was my wish for self-destruction. My desire to be thoroughly damned."

Still, the consistent guilt and wish to destroy himself.

"As I said, he was determined to have the plantation."

Everyone in Louis' life needs/wants something from him.

Page 18

AR names Louis

"...he lay down beside me...his movement so graceful and so personal that at once it made me think of a lover..."

The tenderness in which Lestat holds Louis to unmake and remake him is delicate, gentle, sensual and caring. It's intimate.

Page 19

"It is your consciousness, your will, which must keep you alive."

There's something poetic about telling a su!cidal man that he needs to find the will to live so he can be reborn.

There's a morbid symmetry to Louis being reborn where his brother died.

Implications of Lestat being Louis' angel of death

"that shimmer of light now hung behind his head like the backdrop of an apparition"

Page 20 & 21

Louis, for SURE has mommy issues - he refers to the women, their breasts and comfort and sustenance twice in the span of two pages.

Page 22 & 25

Lestat is very cold and detached in Louis' post-bite transformation experience.

Page 27

It's just how the world was, but I have to admit I'm repeatedly uncomfortable with Louis' thoughts on his slaves. Even when he feels he's complimenting or dolling out praise - it's awkward.

Page 29

"...when I sucked the blood from Lestat's wrist and felt his heart pound with my heart. It is again and again a celebration of that experience; because for vampires that is the ultimate experience."

More evidence of the blood exchange being AR's intimacy and sensuality for vampires.

Page 32

Louis' first acknowledgement of love or relation to it is the idea of seeing/experiencing/understanding the world with renewed inspiration due to his ability to appreciate it and the time to do so.

Page 34

AR names Paul

Page 45

Louis remarks that Lestat is "just a killer" and that being a vampire meant an opportunity for revenge.

If we think more about that, we have to consider that while Lestat was cold and maniacal, something truly traumatic must have happened to him to have this scorch-the-earth mentality. This obviously doesn't absolve his behavior.

Page 55

We're introduced to the origins of Lestat's trauma.

Page 59

Another angel comparison

At this point is quite plain that Louis is arrogant and prideful in his own way. Self-righteous.

Page 61

Louis practically likens himself to a guardian angel

"Did I not help you at the very moment when you needed most guidance...Did I not twice offer you good counsel? And haven't I watched over your happiness ever since?"

Page 62

Louis refers to the taking of Babette's life in intimate terms Saying that he could only ever come to know her:

"...through the one final way; to take her life, to become one with her in an embrace of death when my soul would become one with her heart and nourished with it."

Page 63

L&L have been companions for four years

Page 64

Louis again references love - this time, it's an appreciation of Babette's personal qualities.

Page 72

Even in this life after death, Louis' existence is a never-ending identity crisis.

Page 81

Is Lestat being helpful?

Page 83 - 85

At this moment, when Louis and Lestat are conversing about vampires in groups, there's always one in service to another, and Lestat says that vampires increase through slavery.

Lestat is a terrorist.

I found it interesting that they're having this conversation about slavery, and AR set this story during a time of slavery where one group of people are profiting from the life force and servitude of another group of people. Almost like a subliminal message that, in their own way, slave owners are vampires, sucking the life out of others and increasing their own wealth through slavery.

Page 86 & 87

Does Lestat receive Louis' rejection of a "full" vampire life, as Lestat has described it, as a rejection of him?

Is Lestat trying to create camaraderie?

Also, are these moments of rare physical contact between the two?

Page 88 & 91

More angel references

Enter Claudia

Page 94

Lestat doesn't want to be alone.

"Keeping me with him, that was undoubtedly part of what pushed him."

Page 95

Louis brushing off questions about the origins of Lestat's trauma, not really wanting to give it thought, is understandable but dismissive at the same time.

Page 103

Claudia is terrifying. There's an unnatural coldness about her - one that surpasses the insanity of Lestat.

Page 116

Claudia is 65 years old - that would make L&L's time together almost 70 years..?

Page 121

Claudia really is a little Lestat with more coldness and less regard for others.

Page 131

"And I hope it's a beautiful woman with endowments you'll never possess..."

Jesu Christo, Lestat!

Page 134

Lestat looking towards Louis for aid, pulls at the heartstrings - despite their combative relationship, I think he expects his companion of several decades to protect him. I suspect in many ways, Lestat has gotten used to Louis in his life and feels a connection with him as a long-term companion.

Lestat crying to God is surprising - glance back and see what his relationship with religion was prior to this scene.

Page 137 & 138

Louis is in pain. Lestat's death has definitely emotionally maimed him.

He misses the familiarity of Lestat.

I think his soul feels Lestat calling to him - there's something very personal about his wading solo into the water with his companion's body, letting the water claim it.

They are most definitely connected.

Louis is experiencing grief in a way he hasn't expressed grief for others.

Page 139

Claudia is emotionally manipulative - crying to bring Louis back to her was calculated.

Page 142

More angel references

                                               END OF PART 1

Final Thoughts on Part 1

Louis

·         Louis has traded Lestat's control for Claudia's.

·         Louis still feels in a very humane way, and for that reason, I don't think he will ever find his equal in an immortal companion.

·         I think there’s a darkness to Louis that we aren’t fully experiencing because he’s narrating.

·         Louis obviously has mental health issues, but he also has a victim mindset which is potentially quite toxic.

·         Louis might not admit it, but I suspect he’s quite attached to Lestat because he remained with him for nearly 70 years and mourned him when after Claudia poisoned him.

 Claudia

·         Lestat's demise needed to happen, but in the same way, Claudia also needs a reckoning - she's out of control.

·         Claudia is eerily similar to Lestat in terms of her premeditated and callous behavior. Despite the humanity Louis tried to pour into her ear, she experiences everything in a very cold and detached way.

 Lestat

·         Louis implies that Lestat turned him for his plantation, but I believe Lestat must have desired him on some level because Lestat could have easily turned his sister, killed Louis, and assumed full ownership of the property.

AR

·         Intimacy in this universe is very much about the desire for and exchange of blood.

·         Rice really plays into the religious themes with an emphasis to heavenly beings.

This is reposted from my Reddit

[drowning-inmysleep]

ultima // discard

La Mort de Marat / Marat Assassiné , Jacques-Louis David "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience" January 8th, 3:00am. I'm working on a song that I had no inspiration for other than creating something loud and layered in a way similar to a song a friend/understudy had showed me days prior. I compose three minutes of music, in which it starts by assaulting the listener with grain delay processed bass samples and hard kicks. After thirty seconds of this the track opens itself similar to the ribcage of the Gaping Dragon, residing at the bottom level of the Undead Burg. It drops it's hardness for a broken arrangement of synths, the melody is trying to pierce through but it never ends up being able to. Like a CD skipping. This is the moment the track breaks and shows itself.

When I was making this, I barely thought anything of it other than "this is powerful". I remember thinking this track will scare people when I play it out, or that if they're on enough drugs it could push them to an emotional breakthrough.

A lot of times I think about the people on drugs in the crowd of my shows, and how the music I make will effect them. In the instance of "ultima//discard", I am almost certain this will invoke some sort of bad trip.

I remember reading an interview with Yoko Taro, my favorite video game creator and scenario writer, in which he said something along the lines of: "To be a creator is to understand your audience, and to understand that is how to hurt them. You find how they react based on your previous work, and you build off of that. In a way it feels like manipulation on a mass scale. It makes me feel bad" As a creator this is true. I feel the same way, but what I think is important to know is the context of said creator. Taro has expressed that in his life, he has experienced a great deal of pain, and is haunted by the memory of it. It comes through in our work whether we'd like it to or not.

All of the artists inspirational to me follow this same pattern and ethos. A good portion of them ended up committing suicide.

Returning to the night of January 8th, the creation of ultima//discard - I made all three minutes of the song in one sitting. At first it was an experiment to see how much I could do with the that bass I mentioned above, but once the broken synth ensemble showed itself I knew there was something there and I had to keep going. An hour later I have the song constructed enough to walk away from at 3 minutes, and finish later. This is how I create most of my music. Usually an outpour of whatever I'm feeling right then and there, to then be expanded upon and revisited. I take a break and load up the game Tales of Berseria. A game in which the main character, Velvet, has their only family member sacrificed by what was their only parental figure, and is then turned into a "Therion" - a demon-human creature that feeds off of other demons. The rest of the game is spent hunting down the parental figure that took Velvet's younger sibling from them. In the game Velvet is plagued by dreams of her consuming and eating her younger brother, the one sacrificed by her father. Her father is now a world leader of peace, and it turns out the sacrifice was necessary to enact said peace. It was getting late, but as I'm tearing humans and demons apart as Velvet I can't help but think "I need to add a vocal to ultima//discard". As mentioned in previous articles, if i'm sampling vocals from another song I like to take them and push them to a darker, much worse place than their origin. I look up something like "why can't you save me?" and "baby can't you save me?". Not knowing any song that says that, but plainly I had the idea to bring the vocal in near the end of where I got to. I find the song Save Me by Nicki Minaj. "'I'm givin' up baby, yes And I can't seem to silence these voices in my head (Yeah) This time, won't you save me? Come save me This time, won't you save me?" This is exactly what I needed, exactly what I wanted. It makes it even better that it's from Nicki Minaj, an artist mainly known for her braggadocios persona. To find a example of her sounding so broken, in a song I never heard from her. It's like I had a precognition this existed, as it were similar to the generic lyric prompt I'd searched to find it. Regardless, I isolate the vocals from the song and take the part I referenced, and throw them at the (current) end of the track. I've recently started processing vocals in a very distinct way, trying to evoke the echoes of hauntology present in Burial's work. He would probably hate that.

I wasn't entirely pleased with the execution, alas the idea was there and I would return to it later. I walked away from it feeling excited to get back eventually, but also that there was something extremely dark about this song.

I never intended for it to be anything real, or representative of anything I was going through. I wasn't really going through anything when I made it, besides the weight of the things I've experienced in my life already. But that wasn't on my mind, I just wanted to make a romantic club track in the flavor of tortured loner musicians I worship so heavily. Maybe I worship these artists because in a way I get it. I yearn for human connection but said connection is hard for me to trust or process. I am someone that would probably be better off knowing less people and spending more time inside.

I'm a popular person and most people that know me like, but naturally I lean towards my real relationships and friendships being through digital interfaces. I've always been this way. The consistent relationships in my life are that of romantic partners, or creative/work partners. With all that being said, the song did feel like it was representative of something real, something I didn't want to face, or something tragic that is inevitably on it's way to me. This is a feeling I encounter whenever I dream.

I suffer from insomnia, which started after a 2 month period of lucid dreaming when I was a teenager. My dreams have always been something I take as reality while I'm experiencing it. Most of the dreams I remember feel precognitive, as they are never whimsical or magical or 'dreamlike' in anyway. They feel like any other day, and usually something bad happens in them.

I would say that atleast 70% of the precognitive dreams I have come true, and when they do I am gravely upset I was right about the outcome whether I was thinking about it or not. I wrote about this in my first article here, in which I mentioned a dream I had where my sister called me and told me my Grandpa died. He died the next day.

As I've grown up I've found that certain drugs stop me from being able to dream, and you could say I have a dependency on them now.

Once again, let us return to ultima//discard. The track title comes from a naming motif I came up with a few weeks ago, in which each track will be named "ultima// "track title". Ultima referring to the feminine form of the latin word, "ultimus", meaning "farthest or last". In a literal sense, it also refers to the last syllable of a word. Each ultima track has it's real name after the word ultima, and those words hold the real relation to the song. I never think too hard about naming anything, usually just some romanticized idea of whatever i'm doing. In the essence of this song, "discard" refers to the amount of people I have discarded in the past few months.

Now that I'm writing this I'm realizing the theme of discarding people has been a consistent emotion present in my work and my life for the past year.

However, the title really meant nothing to me. It was just another grouping of words that sounded right to me. I named the song and went to bed. I slept for a few hours, being woken up by a dream in which my mom was crying in the hospital and some man was in a hospital bed. I felt sick, but at the same time am used to this sort of dream, and went about my day.

Over the course of the day I revisited the song, feeling excited about this new direction i'm taking my music in - although I still felt somewhat uncomfortable about the energy I subconsciously captured whilst writing it.

After spending the day inside, I got dressed and left the house to go drop off resumes at a few jobs in the city. I don't really need a job right now, but taking advice from Yung Lean whenever he lost his mind after the release of "Frost God" - I figured I should get a job and let my life be normal for awhile. Become a worker, reduce my ability to go out at night, and create a stricter boundary for myself in regards to self destructive behavior.

I've been working at this and engaging in this mindset for the past month, after some unfortunate events transcribed in my life in November. I experienced sexual assault for the first time as an adult, and a relationship I knew was damaging me came to a very dramatic end. I knew I should have left before that, and was preparing to anyway - however, I did not leave and let myself get hurt. This is another common theme in my life. A few weeks after I went out one night with friends after being in my house for weeks, and I got into a car accident that ended up costing a lot of money. As much as I've processed these moments, maybe this is what I was conjuring in ultima//discard - atleast I thought. Like I said, I wasn't really thinking about anything other than making a song when I made it.

January 8th, 6pm. I'm leaving the gas station on my way to print out and drop off resumes, a car comes down the street faster than I expected, I move out of the way and hit my tire against a curb, breaking the tire and rim, once again rendering me without a vehicle. I was listening to ultima//discard. I had the song on repeat, as I always do with songs I make the day prior / songs I'm working on. I stop it at the 25 second mark (before the introduction of the synths) and call my dad to tell him what happened. I'm not even freaking out at this point, I'm used to things like this happening. As I'm on the phone with my dad, he tells me we'll work it out but that he has to talk to me about something. A family member of mine has attempted suicide by overdose and we are unsure if he will survive. He's in the hospital hooked up to machines while the doctors try and stabilize him.

This in combination with the situation I initially called my dad about, I'm at a loss for feeling or words about any of it. Somehow I knew this would happen, I was not surprised to get this news. I hate that. I hate feeling this way everytime something horrible happens. I end the call with my dad, and ultima//discard starts again. The synths come in, and plainly It's overwhelming me. I thought at that moment: "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience"

While this is a coincidence, I had a feeling there was a reason this song felt so heavy, and stuck to me so hard. I spent all day listening to it before hearing the news, it was the soundtrack of my day. Upon hearing the news, the ethos of the song was prescribed right then and there. Whether I liked it or not, this is my soundtrack for the moment in which I learned my family member tried to kill themself. I don't know if they'll survive, I have a feeling they won't. I hope I'm not right about that.

//to be continued

[catelyngrant]

2, 8, 10, 15 - for the writer asks! XD

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) Oh man...I have notes and little bits of two paragraphs here, a page or five there, but most of those will never go anywhere and I'm sure I've forgotten most of those ideas already but for knowing that they're in the depths of my Google Drive.

I published 10 (which is way more than usual for me!) and I've worked on/started four that I feel committed to finishing and posting eventually, as well as one more that I'll either write in the next week or watch it disappear into the ether (pretty sure there's not gonna be an in-between option for this one). This has been a year of hyperfixation whiplash, which, combined with ADHD, has had me spiraling all over the place with ideas and then promptly getting distracted and losing the momentum.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? You know, I didn't—this was actually the year of me returning to some very, very old roots! I've written and posted my first 24 fic since, Christ, idk...2006? And then my first BSG fic since 2011, my first Doctor Who fic since 2012, and my first Star Trek fic since 2013. I wasn't expecting this but it's been pretty wild and fun! The TNG cast reuniting on Picard and then having David and Catherine back as the Doctor and Donna on Doctor Who were extremely inspiring external factors, but BSG and 24 were basically whims. I signed up for a BSG exchange in honor of the 20 year anniversary because I thought it would be fun to dip my toes back in that pond and then absolutely panicked when I realized I had to actually write BSG fic in the year of 2023, and then I started the 24 fic during a rewatch awhile back and @starg8rocks reminded me of it a few months ago and inspired me to finish it.

So, in short: no new fandoms, but lots of old ones!

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? I mean, the blood sacrifice (aka the Succession yacht vs. orca crack fic) was pretty entertaining to me personally. I'm also just having so many feelings about Doctor Who deciding that the 2023 message is "rest, recover, and reconnect with all of your friends". So, while it was quite bittersweet and partly the result of me actively rejecting the premise that Sarah Jane Smith is dead in-universe, it was mostly just lovely and cathartic to write what falls away is always and offer two characters I adore a soft, quiet moment of care and connection.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023. The two fics that I agonized over most this year were let your faith die, bring your wonder (BSG, Laura Roslin gen) and we even flew a little (Succession, post-s3 but pre-s4 Roman/Gerri). Between one being in an older fandom and being gen vs. shippy and the other being posted just before season four of Succession started and catapulted the entire fandom, me included, into a new era of fic, I'm not shocked that neither of them got as much love (comparatively) to others I posted this year, but I like them. They're both fics I'm a bit self-conscious about and felt unhappy with when I posted with but I think that's largely because they took so long and stressed me out more than anything else I wrote this year—I liked them more upon revisiting.

my fic from this year send me 2023 fic questions!

[shards-of-silver]

This is one of those questions that I want to ask a lot of authors, because I curious how many answers will be the same (if any)

The the basic premise is Do You Control Fic or Does it Control You?

What I mean by this is broken down into a few sub questions

Do you watch a show or read a book & fic ideas just pop into your head?

Are you watching/reading something and you are unsatisfied with the plot, but love the characters, therefore, set out to fix it?

Do you intend to write fic from the start, so you go in search of inspiration?

Have you ever completely lost interest in the canon, but still love the characters/fic (therefore, no longer revisit the original source of the fic?)

As is usual, this is just a guide. Answer any which way you would like - long answers are always welcome!

Ooh, my first ask! This is so exciting. Thank you, @beebee-76 for including me in your survey! (Clears throat)

It can be easy to feel like fic controls you. When inspiration takes hold, it's like it's own form of possession. You think about fic in every quiet moment. Snippets of dialogue or descriptions come to you in the middle of the workday. Only when you have the inspiration committed to a piece of (digital) paper can the spirit lay at rest... until another one comes, that is. More often than not, you're haunted by several fic ideas at a time, each demanding it be their turn to gain a digital form.

At the same time, I've learned that I need to assert my own will in the fic writing process. As a younger writer, I took on ambitious projects that I lacked the skill to complete in a way that was faithful to the original concept. I wept over my weakness as a vessel for the inspiration that flowed out my fingers and fell lifeless on the keyboard. It's only thanks to the older, wiser writers who coached and believed in me that I've learned how to negotiate with creative spirits that take up host in me.

To write well takes consistency and discipline, neither of which the spirits alone can give me. Sometimes my ideas have to wait impatiently for the time when I can give them their best release. To lie dormant inside a writer's mind is not to die. It is to cocoon within for the day of its most beautiful winged form.

I'll take your sub questions in order. Sometimes fic ideas do pop into my head on first encounter with the source material, but it's not always (or usually) like that. I prefer to sit back and think about what I read/watch, which can mean I move slowly from one book/show to the next. Usually this means thinking about the characters, their motivations and relationships (platonic, familial, romantic, nemesis, you name it). I like to ask questions about what I see and read. For example, my most recent fic came from the question "What if Morgan Elsbeth had a legitimate reason for admiring Thrawn?" My fics are the answers to my questions that I find most satisfying. Sometimes I can control the questions I ask, but answers may well come unbidden.

For your second question, YES. All the time. If my longfics don't start as a fix it AU in the beginning, they often turn into one by the end of a story. I care about characters having arcs that match their development and progression, and it pisses me off when a character gets shoved to the side of a narrative or treated unfairly in the canon. The absolute worst for me is when one characterization is sacrificed to make another's seem better. If a writer can't make a character seem good without making another suck (suck in terms of writing quality, not necessarily in terms of morality), then they need to reflect on the writing choices that brought them to this point. The best stories are the ones that do justice to ALL major characters.

Funnily enough, I don't read or watch things in search of fanfic inspiration. First I try to enjoy things for their own sake. If I'm satisfied with the work as it stands, I don't feel a need to write any fanfic. Some of the best works I've encountered are things I feel I have nothing to add to. An easy example is Avatar: The Last Airbender. I got around to watching it in college over a decade after my friends had all seen it. It was so good that I felt like the series didn't need my contribution. Yet when I watched its sequel show The Legend of Korra, I was baffled by the horrid execution of otherwise compelling ideas. Hence my desire to write more fanfics for the show (most of which are still in planning/drafting stages).

For your final question, yes. This was the case with my very first fandom I ever wrote for: Winx Club. It was a show that held my imagination for a decade. I watched it as a little girl, rediscovered it as a young teen, and was saddened to see the show that had captivated me as a four year old WASN'T the pinnacle of fantasy writing I remembered it to be. Yet I was thrilled to discover many fanfic writers who loved the foundation of the source material and had no problems giving the story a remodel that allowed it to resonate with people over the age of eight. I haven't touched the source material ever since Netflix got their filthy hands on it, but I still treasure the fics I found back then and the friends I made as a result. My love for the characters is the only thing keeping me from formally abandoning a work that hasn't seen an update in this decade.

To summarize: fic can and has controlled me before, but the best fics are the ones where we (the fic and I) work together to make the best thing we can. I don't want the creative spirit to die when it no longer possesses me. I want it to feel empowered to find a new host, to grow and evolve long after I have checked the "complete" box.

[sekhemsha]

18AUG2022

Lessons of the Vampyre

I picked up this book, I believe, in early December of 2021. At the time, I was visiting bookstores in my new town of Albuquerque, New Mexico, in search of the items on "Uncle Setnakt's Reading List", which is posted on the website of the Temple of Set. While doing so, I became aware of other books written by the authors mentioned, notably this recently-published volume, authored by Don "Uncle Setnakt" Webb himself. I have read and revisited this book twice since my purchase of it, and I am currently on a third re-reading of it. I have attempted the "Vampyre Lite" practices upon each revisit, predictably starting with determination and yet falling away quickly. On this, my third attempt, I am trying to figure out why an adherence to routine and structure is difficult for me in general - as this is something I must definitely sort out before I can commit to initiation of any kind, Setian or otherwise - and I have arrived at some initial ideas.

The book's focus on energy, notably feeding, exchange, storage, and transmutation was initially alien to me. However, after reading "On Becoming An Alchemist" by Catherine MacCoun about a month ago, these concepts now make more sense. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 36 (early 2021), which finally caused me to understand why, on a fundamental neuropsychological level, I have struggled greatly with all forms of creating and maintaining order. I have used prescribed low-dose, extended-release amphetamine since then to assist with executive function, but it doesn't help with everything and nor does it seem to help consistently, the latter of which appears to be influenced in part by my natural monthly hormonal fluctuations.

The issue here is that I find myself often craving certain types of energy with an addictive-like desperation. The most troublesome of which is social energy aka attention/interaction either one-on-one or in a very small group, which releases dopamine. Since arriving in Albuquerque and having to make a completely new social circle, I found myself utterly obsessed with attention from and interaction with my new friends, going so far as to neglect basic needs (especially sleep) and academic responsibilities (studying/assignments) because I needed that social energy with a level of craving that eclipsed all other desires. I also had gone off of my medication at the time, which was absolutely, in retrospect, a very poor choice.

Reading this book, "Energy Magick of the Vampyre", for the third time has helped me realize why I crashed so hard after I moved across the country. My energy sources were fixed upon certain people, certain places, and certain activities, all of which were specific to my previous location in New Orleans, Louisiana. Instead, fixation should be upon the ways that I obtain energy, and not the actual sources used. That sort of fixation (surprise, surprise) is quite literally what the magical practices detailed in this book focus upon. The first fixed component of daily/weekly/monthly/yearly ritual is specific to the individual and can be done anywhere, with the added advantage of tethering one to both the natural and man-made calendar cycles. The second fixed component of sources of energy is based upon categories of ideas and concepts, and the discerning Vampyre can find suitable sources embodying those at any location. The third fixed component is that of the Vampyre mythos as an archetype, which allows the newcomer something both fixed and powerfully ancient to tap into for inspiration and focus.

While I have now begun to give the practices in this book another try (and have changed the title of this blog accordingly), the most important task in doing so is to introduce new energy feeding practices to compete with and ultimately replace the social energy addiction that has been a consistently major handicap for me in my professional, academic, and magical endeavors. I know I will have to also contend with the possibility of historical energy addictions rising up again as well, such as excessive video gaming and food pleasure (carbohydrates specifically, which release dopamine), so I will remain vigilant in this transformative process.

[kalvares-conceptart]

Oxygen:Redux-Reasoning

I will outline an idea for a revisit to a concept I developed during my time at the BRIT School. I intend on updating the idea with more sophisticated art and design skills and a more developed point of view. I am motivated by current events, a strengthening of my political beliefs. I also want to work on my burnout and rebuild my confidence by looking at my past work which I can see clear room for improvement in, meaning this project will be deeply personal.

In my original project, I did research into narrative driven games of a similar nature, air pollution, viable domed structures as well as earthquakes. These aspects were significant to my final goal which was to create a short demo. In this revisit I am not going to create a demo, so I want to focus more closely on world building and informing my design with the narrative. For this reason, I want to look more into social and economic injustice in our current climate crisis and how the top 1% can afford to escape disasters, leaving humanity behind. Some pieces of media I can use are the movie Don't Look Up and the Fallout franchise. I also want to tackle intersectionality in systematic issues, i.e. how racism, transphobia, misogyny and ableism all link which each other and poverty to create a complex and covert system that keeps wealth flowing upwards whilst common people that benefit from those systems are none the wiser. I believe this is and idea that I was beginning to discover but I wasn't informed enough to realise at the time.

I will also expand my focus towards the groups of people that reside outside the Domes, exploring the possibility of multiple concurring levels of injustice; at the same time as the people of the Domes are being abandoned by the wealthy ruling class, generations of people have been locked out, left to suffocate. I will explore how they survived outside of the Domes.

The dialogue I wrote is fairly embarrassing. My dialogue for Dean as smug and self-centred came across as childish, as it was clear I did not have a clear enough understanding on how to write complex characters. There is also a clear self-insert character in Priya, which I absolutely intend on reconceptualising. The other NPCs also have amateur dialogue which is uncharacteristic of what should be grown adults. I may explore characters by writing their interactions in script format alongside sketches. This can allow me to form some developed ideas on the characters by fleshing them out in a form that has a much lower level of commitment that an actual game demo. I will be taking inspiration from Disco Elysium on how it beautifully writes sophisticated and simultaneously unlikeable characters.

The first step will be to examine my original workflow and pick out parts I felt were strong ideas with potential, as well as sections I can improve and develop and additionally any new concepts I want to explore. The outcome will be a clearer idea of what additional research I need to undertake, as well as what artwork I will be doing. I will then create a project plan. I do not currently have an idea of time frame. As always it is important I keep an open mind towards changing ideas and be prepared to kill my darlings in the case that an idea is not strong enough. In the event that this is found by any interested parties, I would love to hear anything from you, feedback and suggestions are much appreciated <3

[thebandcampdiaries]

Naman Narang presents: Golden Age

Naman Narang shares his truth and heart on his debut full-length album: "Golden Age"

In a way, "Golden Age" is a significant test for singer-songwriter Naman Narang. A debut album marks a major milestone for any artist, especially today when many emerging artists focus on singles and shy away from the challenge of recording and releasing a full album. It's a scary endeavor! After all, albums require considerable effort and commitment on the artist's part. However, for Naman, this release felt natural—a continuation of his journey and the achievement of a true milestone, resulting in something quite special.

Based in Canada, the singer-songwriter recently unveiled "Golden Age," a collection of eight songs, each offering something unique and truly special

The title of the album itself eloquently reflects the lyrical content within. "Golden Age" evokes thoughts of bygone times, perhaps memories of youth or cherished moments. It's not coincidental that many songs on the album carry nostalgic themes and lyrics, inviting reflection on the past. Importantly, the album transcends mere entertainment; it carries an inspirational quality, driven by the artist's desire to create something timeless, honest, and true. "Golden Age" offers a collection of fantastic and enjoyable songs, but it's more than that—it's a time capsule, allowing the artist to forever revisit moments and emotions, sharing them with the world.

Let's dive deeper into a track-by-track breakdown!

TRACK-BY-TRACK REVIEW

In the opening track, "All Around Me," there is a captivating, clean guitar arpeggio that immediately catches the listener's attention. The arpeggio is full of beautiful melodic details, which blend perfectly with the uncluttered drum beats. As the instrumentals progress, Naman Narang's vocals take center stage with an amazing performance that complements the guitar and drums perfectly. The overall effect of the opening tune is a mesmerizing and immersive experience, where each component seamlessly comes together to create a truly captivating piece of music.

"Small Town" is an incredibly endearing and uplifting song that is sure to put you in a great mood. The playful piano parts, creamy overdriven guitars, and punchy drums all work together seamlessly to create a cheerful and positive atmosphere. Naman Narang's expressive voice adds even more depth and emotion to the already amazing track. From start to finish, "Small Town" is an absolute joy to listen to, and it's easy to see why it's set to become a true fan favorite.

Later, "Greenlights" explores new ideas with an indie-folk twist and some beautifully laid-out acoustic patterns. The track has a sound that is reminiscent of contemporary indie-folk, but it prominently features Naman Narang's unique pop-inspired style and vocal delivery, which sets it apart from other songs in the same niche. The song is a beautiful blend of introspective lyrics, soothing melodies, and soulful vocals that are sure to captivate listeners of all tastes and preferences. It showcases Narang's ability to create music that is both emotive and deeply personal while retaining a very natural and spontaneous vibe, which is so important to really connect with people in a genuine way.

The fourth song, "Golden Age," also features acoustic instruments prominently, making for a very warm and inspiring sound, especially when the beautiful main chord progression and vocals come in! Nostalgic, beautiful, and passionate, these lyrics are all about looking back to the good old days but also hoping to find ourselves in a better future. The lyrics are perhaps some of the most touching on the album, as they express the feeling of time slipping away and the desire to make the most of the present. They paint a picture of nostalgic memories and the longing to hold onto youth. The song celebrates seizing the moment and cherishing simple pleasures, like running in daylight and sneaking out to explore. It captures the essence of enjoying life's fleeting moments while acknowledging the inevitability of growing older.

"Long Live" is another outstanding track and an example of Naman Narang's versatility. This is a mellower track, with beautiful synth soundscapes and dreamy guitars, with lush echo effects. The instrumental is perfectly balanced, allowing the vocals to really stand out and pop to the forefront of the mix. The melodies are very direct, and super-powerful, perfectly matching the emotion of the lyrics.

"Never Lose Sight" is undoubtedly one of the most empowering and emotionally fulfilling tracks on the album. Its positive message and uplifting twist not only inspire hope but also instill a sense of motivation and perseverance in the listener. The vocals, in particular, are very intimate and filled with pathos, making the song even more impactful. The artist's lyrical honesty and genuine feelings are highlighted through the powerful and soulful delivery, which further adds to the song's emotional depth. Overall, "Never Lose Sight" is an exceptional tune that not only showcases the artist's immense talent but also leaves a lasting impression on the listener.

"Era" follows right up, bringing some additional intimacy to the album with an earthy, folk-inspired tone. The song's lyrics are also among the most notable on the album. The words liken life to a firefly and a rolling stone, capturing its unpredictability. Reflecting on the past prompts thoughts on being fearless and seizing opportunities, and staying in tune with the overarching theme of nostalgia and self-reflection. Driving on old roads symbolizes rediscovery and living in the moment. The chorus expresses a desire to run together and embrace the present. The final verse acknowledges the inevitability of change and the vulnerability of opening up emotionally.

Last but not least, "Winds" is a perfect curtain closer, which brings this album to an epic conclusion! A song that's ambitious in its scope but also very immediate and organic. The way the music builds up to the powerful climax, the soaring vocals, and the intricate instrumentation all work together seamlessly to create an unforgettable final moment on the album, which will make you want more. As they say, it's better to want more than to actually be left with too much on your plate, and this song does the trick perfectly.

Conclusion and final observations

Ultimately, this release is a combination of modern pop energy and indie-folk intimacy, striking the perfect balance in between. "Golden Age" is a well-rounded production, which feels like a truly spot-on introduction to what Naman Narang is all about as an artist and songwriter. It is not always easy for artists to find their sound and explore their personality when they're only dropping their debut album, but it seems that Naman Narang really managed to hit the mark here, creating an album that will surely stand the test of time, and that feels like a really good introduction to what he is all about as an artist and songwriter. Moreover, one of the defining features of this album is the seamless integration of acoustic and electric sounds, which bring so much extra depth. The acoustic elements add warmth, while the electric (and electronic) instruments bring an edgy, modern feel to the mix. These two worlds converge beautifully, creating a powerful and distinctive sound that will for sure resonate with either fan of acoustic music or modern pop songwriting. Naman Narang falls somewhere in between the two, and he seems very well-versed in navigating these different but matching styles. His voice is almost like the glue that holds it all together, as he brings so much heart and emotion to any vocal line. The lyrics are also important to the artist, who is pouring his heart out and making every moment count with so much beautiful musicality and depth. He can shine with his lower register, but he is also great at hitting higher notes, which lend themselves beautifully to certain sections, such as the chorus parts, where higher dynamics can help give a sense of extra air and brightness overall.

Naman Narang's music should be something for you if you are a fan of artists such as Tracy Chapman, Ed Sheeran, Damien Rice, and Francis Moon. Still, he definitely has something unique to his fomula, as shown on "Golden Age", which is one of his most ambitious and accomplished releases to date. This album is a combination of passion, focus, and vision, and it combines instinctive artistry with true technical expertise, bridging the gaps between the best of both worlds.

Find out more about Naman Narang, and check out "Golden Age".

Album rating: 9.5/10

Favorite album tracks: Golden Age, Era, All Around Me.