#has inspired me to revisit the idea and commit to it

[novlr]

hey pamela i have trouble sticking with stories so i end up abandoning them whats your advice?

Jumping between projects is a common experience for writers, but it can leave you feeling frustrated when all you have to show for all your hard work is a collection of unfinished manuscripts rather than completed stories.

Why we abandon projects

The exciting rush of a new story idea is one of the biggest reasons for procrastination, because the new idea is almost always going to be more exciting than the current project which has entered the “work” phase of drafting. Understanding why we tend to abandon projects can help us refine strategies to stick with them.

Being drawn away by the allure of a shiny new idea that seems more exciting than our current work may be the biggest culprit, but it’s certainly not the only one. We might hit difficult plot points or a writing block the feels insurmountable. Self-doubt also frequently creeps in about the story’s worth, especially as the initial excitement for a project wears off. Sometimes we can even lose sight of where the story is going, or life simply gets in the way and we lose momentum.

All these reasons are real. And all these reasons are valid. The biggest challenge we face is not letting these challenges affect our self-worth as writers. We need to decide for ourselves when to stick with a story and when to let it go.

Why it’s sometimes OK to let go

First, let’s acknowledge that not every project needs to be finished. It’s perfectly valid to recognise when something isn’t working and needs to be shelved.

Some partial projects serve best as learning experiences, and will provide valuable lessons even if you never finish them. You might find yourself taking elements from abandoned projects and incorporating them into new works that better serve your vision as a writer.

As writers, we’re constantly learning and improving, so as we grow and develop, it’s natural to outgrow certain story ideas. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can do is practice writing without the pressure to complete everything. So when deciding to stick with a project, it’s important to keep this in the back of your mind. Some projects are worth the work, and some serve a different purpose.

Strategies for sticking with your project

With all that said, if you’ve taken the time to really question your project and decide whether it’s worth pursuing, here are song strategies that can help you stick with it.

Create a plan

Yes, I know that many of you reading this will be anti-plan, but I’m going on all in on this advice, anyway. If you’ve got to the point of questioning whether a project is worth pursuing, it means you’ve already lost the momentum that pantsing your project requires. You’ve moved past the point of telling yourself the story, and you’re going to need the structure that a plan provides to keep you moving forward.

You don’t need a detailed beat-by-beat plan, but you do need a clear roadmap for your story. This means taking the time to outline, even roughly, so you know where you’re heading. Think of it like setting goals and milestones. A plan will let you break your story into smaller, manageable chunks that feel less overwhelming.

Stay connected to your story

Check in with yourself periodically and remind yourself why you love writing this story. It’s one of the best ways to ensure long-term commitment.

I have a project journal where explore all the ideas that come up during writing. It’s a repository of everything that has inspired me and why, and it keeps me connected to what I’m writing. I can work through blocks, and talk to myself about story points I’m not sure about, and also fantasise about story elements that might never make it into the finished product. The point of it is to keep myself immersed. I also find it useful to regularly revisit my story’s core theme. Why did I want to write this and why was I originally excited about it?

Creating character profiles or mood boards can help also help immerse you in your narrative. Imagining things visually helps you engage another sense and can help with reference when you need inspiration. This also works in tandem with aesthetic isolation. Reading similar books, theming your music choices, or watching films and tv shows that share similarities with your work can also really help to keep you in the right headspace. It can also provide inspiration and fresh perspectives!

Keep yourself motivated

Successful completing a writing project often comes down to maintaining steady motivation. It’s the self-care part of writing that we often let fall by the wayside.

Set yourself goals and make them achievable. Then, make sure you reward yourself for meeting those milestones. That could be anything from a word count goal to finishing a challenging scene. Just make sure they’re actionable and achievable. And I can’t stress the achievable part enough. Ephemeral goals, or goals that are too difficult mean you’re setting yourself up for failure. Smaller targets that you manage to hit regularly will give you that little endorphin kick you need to keep going. You’ll feel good about the process instead of being overwhelmed.

Joining writing groups or finding an accountability partners is also a good way to keep up motivation. It can give you an external structure and support system you need to keep going, because all of a sudden you’re accountable to someone other than yourself.

Know how to handle common obstacles

When you’ve been writing for a while, you’ll quickly learn what your demotivation triggers are. And when you know what they are, it’s the first step in engaging strategies that will help you move past them.

I know that a common block of mine is transition scenes. I can write the scenes individually but can’t always see the way to get from one scene to the next. When I first started writing, I’d spend days and days on the ending of one chapter trying to come up with the perfect way to get to what I knew was going to happen in the next one. The result was that I just never got to the next one.

My strategy now is just to stop trying and move on to the next chapter. Usually the transition I come up with on the fly is “good enough” for a first draft, and once I have the full context of my story, I can usually see exactly what has to happen to improve it. By trying to get it right the first time, I was creating a block that stopped me every moving forward. By the task I struggle with becomes exponentially easier on revision.

If you’re stuck on a particular scene, try skipping ahead to one you’re more excited about. You can also keep a “story problems” document where you can work through issues without derailing your main writing sessions. I do fast-drafting, so if I want to change something or am moving on because of a block, I’ll leave myself a comment or note in the text and then just move on. Because there’s no such thing as a perfect first draft and it’s way too easy to get stuck.

Your techniques and obstacles will be unique to you, so the next time you feel demotivated or want to give up on your project, ask yourself why. Is it a common time for this to happen? And if so, why? What can you do to either overcome or skip this problem entirely?

Make a commitment

While there are strategies that can help you overcome the desire to give up on a project, the ultimate thing that will make the difference is just to make a commitment. Sometimes you just have to sit yourself down and say, “I’m going to get this done!”

Take some time to reflect on why you wanted to tell this story. What do you want to say with it? Do you still think this is important? And if not, why not?

Consider how you’ll feel if you never finish it. If it’s relief, then it might be time to move on to another project. If you’re sad, then you just have to decide to keep going. You can even identify a minimum daily effort needed to move forward if you want to be dispassionate about it.

Every finished book started as an idea that someone chose to stick with. The difference between writers who have finished a project versus one who hasn’t isn’t down to talent – it’s persistence.

Whether you choose to stay with your current project or move on to something new, make it a conscious choice rather than letting your passion fade. Sometimes the story you need to tell isn’t the one that came easily, but the one you fought to finish.

[43501]

I absolutely love your writing style so much, do you have any tips or inspiration us smaller aspiring writers could use? You’re genuinely one of my favorite Death Note writers out there and I’m also curious on if you’d ever be willing to write fan-fiction’s? or anything really, i’d enjoy any content you put out 💕 love you lot’s :]]

I love you too anon, let me send Near over to hug you as well...

I have a few thoughts about writers looking to improve their craft! But I am not sure if you mean my wild scattering of meta posts on my blog or my actual writing on AO3, so I'll answer for both.

Advice on Writing Meta

Structure your answer/analysis. Employ essay-style structure where you begin with the broadest ideas and then drill down on details. Basically, you want to establish a logical flow from start to finish even when you're writing casually. My guiding principles are "start with real canon information, then move onto extrapolations/headcanon" and "lay everything out in a way where the reader can easily follow my thoughts".

Take your time. No need to rush! Sometimes you need more time to gather your thoughts or even revisit the source material.

Write what you know and love. I could talk about the Successors Arc for days, but if somebody asked me to do serious character analysis for Light, I could not. You see this with people who run ask/headcanon/scenario prompt blogs for "any/all characters" in a fandom. You start to see which characters they favor and understand well, and which ones are afterthoughts.

Advice on Writing Fiction

Read. Expose yourself to a variety of genres and styles and commit to occasionally reading something that might be a bit challenging, tedious or experimental (stares at my still unread copies of House of Leaves and Mumbo Jumbo). This may be more important than writing.

Active reading and deconstruction. That is, find a piece of writing that makes you say "yes, this is exactly the sort of thing I want to make" and interrogate why it captured your heart. Is it the author's masterful display of character's inner/emotional lives and relationships? Immersive prose that makes you feel what the character's experiencing? Ability to create suspense/tension and have you turning pages to see what happens next? You'll start to see opportunities to integrate what you love when you write once you understand it.

Have a good editor/beta reader. Ideally, this is a person who is more experienced than you who can tighten up your writing. This is not a passive process where you just get your work corrected - when you receive your editor's notes, you identify the weaknesses in your own writing and get so much better at avoiding those pitfalls. I am extraordinarily lucky to have a well-read writer (and someone with a lit degree) as mine. I know this is not something everyone can access, but if you have writer friends, it never hurts to ask!

As for writing a proper piece for Death Note... well... I have once, but it's very old and bad. The thing with this fandom is that it's enormous and old, full of seasoned, hyper-competent authors. Any idea I could have, ten other people have already executed better than I could in my wildest dreams ("ten cakes theory" has limitations, but people don't wanna talk about that).

I have an idea for a Near x OC piece but I have realistic expectations for how it'll be received, since x OC is not a popular subgenre. But I gotta follow where inspiration takes me and write what I wanna write.

[campfam4lyfe]

Got any campfam aus or ideas in the works?

hey anon! I wouldn’t say I have any ideas in the works, because I have what I like to call commitment issues when it comes to writing fic.

This means that while I have an abundance of ideas, outlines, and wips in my Google docs for the fandoms I’ve been in. I’ve never actually finished a fic and posted it.

In fact, the only single time I have, (diff fandom!) I am not counting properly, because it was a collab with a close mutual, and a lot of the legwork was them. I had the initial plot bunny and was going to leave it as a one off tumblr post, but my mutual rlly liked the idea and we bounced drabbles and such back and forth. We wrote a bunch of snippets and put them together in a doc, until we had cohesive chapters, as we filled the empty spaces with more and more work, ending up to a total of 18 chapters. It took us a year and a half to post it, and that was mostly my fault, as where my mutual had finished most of their allotted sections, different hyperfixations kept pulling me to other unfinished works. This is why I won’t promise anything—I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But, that being said. I do have ideas, hcs, and aus! One that is currently consuming me, was actually inspired by this one other post I saw recently. (When I find the post ima link it dw!) OP of the post was saying that there should be a Carmen Sandiego au for CC and I jumped on that SO fucking fast anon. I LOVE Carmen Sandiego, and have since it first aired when I was in HS.

So. Here’s some of the Carmen Sandiego au thoughts copy/pasted from my Google docs. (Yes I do always write out my outlines as if I’m taking to someone but that’s bc i sometimes end up sharing the doc link with some friends)

JWCC Carmen Sandiego AU:

Y’all know Kenlynn is my JAM and so is RedCrackle. So obvi I thought of mixing the two right? But here’s the thing. While I love Carmen/Gray, I am also in love with Carmen/Ivy and Carmen/Julia.

So with that in mind. Kenlynn is going to take a backseat for a second (meaning tho they'll become a thing and obvi they will bc they are a constant to me, theyre not the center of this), and my fave girls YASAMMY will be at the forefront of this au.

I’m thinking. Carmen Sammy. But I’m not entirely sure about whether or not that’s what I want? It could be argued that Sammy’s love for her family is a core driving force in her character, and Carmen doesn’t KNOW her family. But also—a huge plot point is that she’s looking for her mom. So. Tentative Carmen Sammy.

MANTAH CORP AS VILE MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E

So I figure not everything is going to be one-to-one. This means I am placing Kenji in the role of Gray/Crackle. His story is going to be different tho, bc whereas Gray was a recruit, with MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E that means Daniel is already on the board. So kenji trying to make his dad proud? More likely than you think.

(I just wanted my Sammy&Kenji besties. Bestie betrayal can be just as good as romantic betrayal)

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this if we’re not going the redcrackle route. Thats right. YASMINA JULIA.

I considered at first, YASMINA CARMEN and SAMMY IVY, but in the end the need for Sammy Carmen was too great.

So I also considered Dave and Roxxie as Chase and Julia but, I decided to scrap that idea for now. You know me, at some point I might revamp most of the au anyways lol, now is not a time for fine tuning it’s just a tentative starting point.

Torn between DARIUS as Player or Brooklynn as Player. I considered Ben of course, but I think we need to put him on an island at some point—he needs a Bumpy, no matter the universe.

WAIT. REVISITING BEN AS PLAYER. BECAUSE DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. This means no Carmen/Ivy vibes but since we ditched the Gray/Carmen as well in this au I think it’s fine.

Ben still has to end up with Bumpy somehow tho? Original Ben plan, when Darius was a Player candidate, was Ben is also a V.I.L.E recruit.

V.I.L.E having a faction that deals with genetics and cloning (in addition to like. Kash and his robots) and ending up with a dinosaur—Bumpy! And that being Ben’s flip to the other side/Team Sammy. He defects and steals Bumpy on his way out.

Okay I’m a little too attached to that, so yeah. V.I.L.E recruit Ben, so Brooklynn as player??

Oh! She doesn’t have!!! IRL friends!! Brooklynn being an Internet famous vlogger as in canon. So we get that running gag of Sammy and Brooklynn always being in contact and Brooklynn being a big part of the heists through investigative work and such, yet she’s constantly on the other side of the globe? Sammy needs to be in Sydney but Brooklynn is in New Orleans. That kinda stuff.

Works with Brooklynn having traveled all over the world, she can also do those factoids player does—she’s got the deets.

Oh!???? THATS HOW WE GET MY FAVE DUO OF DINOSTAR BESTIES!!! They both love their facts. They’re nerds.

Mae as shadowsan? Tentatively?

Okay. Player Brooklynn. Except instead of being home most of the time, she’s usually on the go. She’s talked to kenji a few times during Sammy and Kenji’s V.I.L.E recruit era.

Kenji as the Gray of this au. he’s a V.I.L.E legacy. he became friends with sammy his recruitment year, and he'd talked to brooklynn a few times, due to sammy introducing them because kenji was curious about whether or not sammy has friends in the outside world, and sammy noticing brooklynn feeling a little left out/jealous that sammy had friends she was hanging with in person rather than over a phone call.

kenlynn kenlynn kenlynn

does he recognize her voice from her vlogs? does he even watch them? i dont think hed be a brooklander, guys got a lot on his plate and thats impressing his dad

ben is a V.I.L.E. recruit. maybe a bit of mime bomb, in that he was. not as close? with the other recruits. i do think having ben come in as a recruit the year sammy defects would be cool tho. so he doesn't know her as "black sheep" or whatever code name V.I.L.E refers to her as. he'll first meet her as Sammy.

yaz as JULIA!!!!! a junior agent? a former athlete. trying to make it make sense, but i think it fits.

omg. yaz. is alex rider basically holy shit

was thinking of dave as chase, and decided that i was going to keep it.

roxxie as the Chief.

mae as shadowsan.

yes. it IS because i want a roxxie/mae/dave love triangle and that need's final form was ot3

DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. i dont want their mom to be dead. but i dont know WHAT happened to her and why theyre involved in this life of crime? i love the og carmen&ivy&zack meeting. and i love that they were involved with racing. trying to find a way to incorporate it and make it make sense

important question.....is darius and his dad's great shared love still dinosaurs?

OR IS IT CARS? RACING?????? BRAND BEING INVOLVED IN THE RACES BC IT WAS IMPORTANT TO DARIUS AND THEIR DAD AND DARIUS CANT DRIVE YET

AND. SAMMY. AS CARMEN!!!!!!

okay so carmen's dad was a former V.I.L.E. agent who left it all behind for the woman he fell in love with right? well. obvi this au isnt a one to one. like there clearly have been changes in characters and dynamics. but i think involving elements from this could work. lemme map it out to make sense

okay so in cc sammy spies for mantah corp despite her parents not wanting her to. meanwhie carmen's dad defects from V.I.L.E., i think shadowsan was there and so was the chief and he dies.

okay so--sammy's dad was a V.I.L.E. agent, fell in love, defected. V.I.L.E. catches up with him, and does A.C.M.E. and in the fallout, the house collapses. A fire? an explosion? they think sammy died. (im not killing off sammy's dad bc damnit she needs a happy ending)

yaz losing faith in the system and having her hot girl summer being romanced by the pretty thief she's supposed to be catching

ben ditches VILE/Mantah Corp with Bumpy and meets Darius at some point--oh!!!

mae/shadowsan joins Team Sammy at the end of s1 i think? okay, so, when she joins, she brings ben, a fresh defector with her.

obvi ben left after he stole bumpy from them

at some point during their occasional talks, kenlynn became friendly with each other. then The Train scene happens. and kenji is promptly deemed a disappointment and dealt with the way gray is.

brooklynn ends up coming across a memory-wiped kenji during one of her vlogs. he doesnt know he knows her, just that something about her voice seems familiar.

brooklynn brings it up and the other are Concerned but also have a lot on their plate rn/dont truly trust him again or are unclear on whether or not they should. darius/brand bc their experiences havent been good so far, and sammy doesnt want to risk them. but he was still one of her first friends. shes torn

brooklynn making contact with him. smth smth she ends up needing a camera man for one of her vlogs and kenji volunteers. they grow closer during her sporadic visits. he asks her out.

DANIEL KON HAS ENTERED THE CHAT. SAMMY NEEDS BROOKLYNN TO DO HER THING. SHE MISSES THE DATE.

Meanwhile, that entire interactive ep??? of carmen sandiego with the julia/carmen??? THAT. THAT HAPPENS. YASAMMY DANCE AND WE GET THAT SCENE YOU KNOW THE ONE

[romellody-drawing-vault]

hiya dreamers, and welcome to the third instalment of the vault. today marks the seven year anniversary of just shapes & beats.

It is an understatement to say just how much this little indie game has done for me for the past seven years. from influencing my art style & ignited dreams of making my own project, to bringing me back into the world of EDM Music, jsab has truly been a foundational part of my life.

While's i unfortunately didn't get chance to make any pieces of art to celebrate the occasion, due to me being focused on making my final reference sheets for my shapelings of the sparkdreamers project. What i can do is share many of my old jsab pieces i've done from 2019 to 2022.

starting off with one of my oldest drawings, i was heavily inspired by the pink corruption series as my full intro to the community.

Despite that, for all my years in my jsab phase, i've never actuary shared any old art up until now.

Another thing you should know about my phase is, i was an absolute perfectionist, so most of my time was drawing a bunch of character, finding out there's a certain detail i wanted to improve on, and redraw is over again.

And this has been an mindset that continually plagues me to this day, though i have started to take steps to reduce that endless cycle.

but in hindsight, it did lead me to a distinct style that i'll stick to through the present.

this part of my phase, i was experimenting with different approaches to creating the characters. from going with legs, sliming down the proportions, & finding that distinct look that fits my overall vibe.

Looking back, i can see why my line art has such detailed complexity, it's how I've done all my art back then before i've committed to colour.

One aspect that's also fun to revisit is all the characters that would've inspired new or future incarnations for my sparkdreamers project.

these were where i've started to use fine liners to make the characters pop out more.

these one's has some guess appearances of Hal from the spiritual successor, Project Arrythmia, some of my friends characters & an anime looking Goldie who would inspire a future incarnation of the character in sparkdreamers.

these lot would be the foundation to the artstyle i'll now call shapelings. they were really small, but the overall idea of these chess piece bodies would stick with me from then on out.

finally to close this little journey off, i'll share some of my drawings i've done for the 6 year anniversary last year.

these were rather quick drawings but you can see the overall progress of these drawings compared to the work i've done years back. but i would love to revisit them all and give them the sparkdreamers overhaul.

by the end of 2023, my just shapes & beats phase would come to an end, but in the process, a new light bloomed from the ashes.

I had alot of fun revisiting all of these drawings, i still got plenty i haven't shown, but i might save them for the next anniversary.

hope you all enjoyed this little voyage, & i'll see you on the next one, when i finally upload the second half of the Halloween project.

[=>u<=] thank you berserk studios for making an simple, fun game that changed my life for the better.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Scared to Commit to Dream Project

xuliaxuxu asked: I'm an aspiring author who has been writing for a long time but never actually committed to my dream project because it scares me. I've read a lot about structure, good character development and arcs, and how it all works, but I'm still scared of not being able to write a story I'm proud of. Do you have any tips on how to get through the outlining process and first draft without feeling so much pressure on your shoulders? And are the first steps in writing a novel where you have so many ideas but don’t know how to organise them? It’s been a lonely process since I have no writer friends to talk about these specific struggles. Thank you for your lovely work here on tumblr it has been inspiring me a whole lot!

[Ask edited for length]

If it's any reassurance, the fact that you've been teaching yourself about structure and character development puts you ahead of a lot of writers when they first start out. But it's also a bit of a double-edged sword, because that knowledge raises the bar for what you expect to be able to accomplish. And unfortunately, having the knowledge doesn't mean you can instantly apply it perfectly. You still need to practice applying that knowledge before you can get really good at it. It's sort of like this: if you wanted to get really good at hand lettering, you could watch hours and hours of videos about how to do it... you could learn about the different techniques and the lingo, etc., but that doesn't mean you'll be able to do flawless hand lettering the first time you pick up a brush marker. You'll still have to actually practice those techniques for a while to get really good at it. Writing is the exact same way. And that can be frustrating because you know what you want to accomplish, and you have the knowledge to get yourself there, you just don't have the actual skills to actually get there yet.

So, here's what I recommend... keep the dream project on the back-burner for now. You can still work on the pre-planning (because even that qualifies as practice), but in the meantime work on other projects to get the practice in. There's a little bit of sacrifice here because you should find ideas you're excited about, but you have to write them knowing they're not going to be your best work. And that's fine, because writing them doesn't mean you have to share them or publish them. You can write them and keep them on the shelf as a reminder of the work you've done along the way. You can also revisit favorite projects later to revamp them with a more practiced skill set.

Working on something you're excited about and love--but which has the leeway to be not your best work--is the absolute best way to take the pressure off yourself when outlining and getting through the first draft. Once you've done this a few times and you know you're getting the hang of it, you can revisit your dream project, and just the fact that you know what you're doing will take a ton of that pressure off. Another thing that will help once you get to that point is remembering that your outline and first draft don't have to be perfect--and they won't be. Part of the writing process is having the flexibility to change things as you go, to tweak and improve, even into the later drafts. Developmental editing wouldn't exist if your outline and first draft had to be structurally perfect. :)

As far as organizing a lot of ideas, you might find it helpful to find a story planner of some kind. These exist as web sites (Novlr), apps (Fabula), programs (Scrivener), workbooks (Outlining Your Novel Workbook by K.M. Weiland), and you can even find time for download on Etsy. You can probably also find free ones to download if you can't spend any money. If nothing else, get yourself a multi-subject notebook and divide it into sections like plot, characters, world, brainstorm and get all those ideas out into their individual sections. Even that can make a big difference.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[hyakinthou-naos]

Hi, I’ve been a Hellenic polytheist for around a decade now, and recently have found myself in somewhat of a crisis of faith. It’s not that I no longer believe in the Theoi, just that I’ve been… uninspired lately? I guess that’s as good a description as I can articulate right now.

In prior seasons of life, my faith wove seamlessly into the fabric of my being. It felt effortless and connected to everything I was and did. These days it feels awkward and clunky, an afterthought to the rest of life. I think about my faith in prior years and feel so incredibly disheartened by the loss of psyche.

A recent discussion of the matter with my therapist culminated in the idea to revisit this devotional blog I had made (and immediately abandoned) last summer, in hopes of finding both community and inspiration. Your online temple was one of the first pages I found that brought back that spark of excitement in faith. I know I am extremely new here, but I feel compelled to ask you:

Do you have any ideas for cleansing such pervasive miasma, or any advice on becoming reconnected to faith?

Either way, I thank you for your time. My best,

Leda Euphrosyne

Dear Leda,

Thank you for your question. I want to start by saying that you are not alone in what you are experiencing - doubting or being unsure of the Theoi's reality is a very common occurrence. I even touched on my own experience in this area in This Ask.

Now, regarding Miasma.

The term Miasma (ΜΊΑΣΜΑ) - as it was used in Hellenic Greece - refers to severe spiritual pollution and/or spiritual impurity. Acts that create Miasma include homicide, close contact with dead animals or people (this sometimes includes funerary practices), sexual crimes, and desecrating sacred sites.

Unless you have committed some kind of crime, I do not think you need to be cleansed of Miasma.

What you may be thinking of is Agnēia (ἈΓΝΕΊΑ) which is more comparable to ritual impurity.

Either way, my advice for you would be this:

1. Set aside an evening to reconnect with The Theoi/The Gods. Make sure that you will have at least a couple of hours where you will not be interrupted.

2. If you currently have an altar, prayer space, or shrine - clean that space both physically and spiritually. Wipe down surfaces, dust off objects, and remove any old offerings. To spiritually cleanse the space you can say a prayer, use incense, or (my personal favorite) use sound to cleanse the space. You can use a bell, clap your hands, or even bang pots together if you'd like.

3. Cleanse your physical body. Whether this is just washing your hands, or a full on spiritual bath with candles and herbs - wash away any dust or dirt you may have on your person.

4. Cleanse your body spiritually. Before approaching The Theoi, take a moment to ground and calm yourself in whatever way works for you. Some people like to listen to music, some like to use incense, and some like to chant. Whatever works best for you is totally fine. Take time to get into the right headspace before moving forward.

5. Speak to your Gods. Call upon them and invite them into your home and your space. Tell them what you have told me, let them know how you are feeling and what you are going through. 5.5 Before or after your conversation, provide an offering of some kind. It doesn't need to be anything extravagant - a glass of water is just as wonderful an offering as anything else. (If you need to ask anything of your Gods - I would provide your offering first as a show of good faith and to help with building Kharis).

Allow yourself to be honest - internally and with the Theoi. If you feel like the Theoi are with you - then they are; if you feel like the Theoi are make believe - then give yourself permission to play pretend.

I hope this has been at least somewhat helpful - if you'd like any more advice or guidance our askbox and DMs are always open.

Eirene, peace and farewell.

- Aön

[ambernim8]

February has come and gone, and with it, another whirlwind month of outlining! I am making process with my story structure... officially heading into the third quarter or Act 2B. Maybe drafting in April is in the cards?

My writing journey has been both so humbling and so fun...thank goodness! February saw me revisiting story structure...again...and again. At this very moment I am still deliberating over the structure that will best suit my story. It's a such huge commitment idk I feel like I'm getting married to the structure I choose loool! Lesson of the month is: knowledge is power. No matter how many story structures are out there to choose between, as I learn more about them and the function they serve, the right choice is becoming clear. I am about ready to say: I do.

What did I get up to?

So much story structure analysis...my god. Again, thank you to the kind editors and writers on YouTube for their dedication in breaking down structure. Bless.

More character work, like character identities (Soojin is a daughter, Korean American, ect.) and how these identities are prioritized in their lives, so helpful!

Tentatively planned all scenes for Act 1/Quarter 1 and entered them into Reedsy Studio...fairly confident I have all scenes lined up the way I want them even up until the midpoint!! So excited about this!

Learned the extreme importance of the midpoint. Guys, it's important. Luckily I have killer midpoint planned. Oh yeeeah ;)

"Casted" characters from my novel in Reedsy studio...oh man it is so fun to open my character page and see my whole ensemble staring back at me :) I will share asap!

Theme work, still refining my theme down to just a couple key ideas.

What worked well?

Using Reedsy Studio. I feel I am still very attached to my paper and pens, but for the couple of areas I feel I have made enough progress in outlining, the benefit of digitizing is wonderful. I suppose you could call Reedsy Studio is the poor man's Scrivener, but I have personally found it has all the tools I need so far. I've entered all of Act 1 on scene cards and I have had a ball entering character information with actor pictures attached. It's interface is easy to use and highly customizable. All for $0.00. Sold!

Open to inspiration. This one seems obvious, but as I am in a heavy duty outlining phase, it's been so helpful for me to remember to still keep my eyes and ears open to inspiration in whatever form that may come my way. For example, I recently was babysitting my cousin's son, and he sweetly asked me to build him an indoor tent. I haven't built a tent made of sheets in yeeears. It was so much fun and we giggled and had a great time :) After, when I was doing character work on Soojin, I was stuck working out what habits she has when she's troubled: and then bam, I got it! She builds a tent to escape and think in. It's one of my favorite character details about Soojin and I have some brilliant scenes planned. Big thanks to Wyatt who asked me to build him a tent :)

What was fun?

"Casting" Korean drama actors as the characters in my novel. Seeing these characters come to life was so much fun!

Using YouTube to transport me to the streets of Seoul. I feel like a location filming scout picking out areas I want to include in my novel :)

What do I want to become great at?

Using an outlining process that works for me. Don't get me wrong, I am making so much progress here...but still, I want to be great! There's a lot that still overwhelms me about formal story structure. All I hear is that no outlining process is the same for any two authors, that you have to find what works for you and you alone. So I've been on this quest of learning how many different authors outline, looking to build my own perfect process. Then I've had authors tell me that their process can change even novel to novel. Yikes!

Building an amazing ending. After experiencing such an engaging story, nobody wants to be let down with a mediocre ending. For myself, I've watched countless kdramas where the whole journey was fantastic...right until the last episode. Then suddenly things go off the rails and everything is rushed, and unfinished, even out of character...and so unsatisfying...boo! I am determined to deliver an ending that I would love. It's harder said than done I am learning, but one thing is for sure: I only write happy endings :)

What am I grateful for?

Occasional sunny days. It's been such a long winter, the hopeful glimpses of spring have me living! I can't wait to be able to sit outside and write <3

Family, my loyal readers, Mr. Loaf...and Wyatt. It goes without saying, but I am going to say it anyways. I am soooo grateful for my amazing support system. Writing is ultimately a lonely process, but having you all to keep me company is such a blessing! Special thank you to Waytt for his tent inspiration :)

My ability to get unstuck. I've had a couple worrying moments where I've gone: well, now what...? But then, like magic, the next day the solution comes to me! Genuinely thankful for this. Whew!

If you've read this far, please know how much your support means to me :) Send me a message or leave me a comment if there is anything I touched on here that you would like to know more about! Also, I'd love to hear how your February went, let me know!

[rootedinrevisions]

So in your bio it says the fandoms you write for/follow are Glen Powell, TGM, MCU, and WWE...but you literally only ever post Glen Powell, Twisters (aka Glen Powell), and TGM (which is only ever hangman so also Glen Powell). And I've never seen you post anything in the MCU. And WWE stuff is like maybe once a month.

Don't say you write for multiple fandoms if you only write for Glen aka Mr. Overrated. I don't get why you'd want to waste your time on him anyway. He's a terrible actor who can only pull off the cocky douchebag type. And the only good movies he has are where he's shirtles so you're distracted by the bad acting.

Hi there! I'm going to be honest, when I first saw this ask I almost just deleted it and moved on because I feel like you're just having a bad day and projecting that onto me. But I actually want to address your message because I think it highlights something that many fanfic writers face: balancing inspiration, audience interactions, and personal interests.

First, when it comes to writing for multiple fandoms, it is a challenge to keep things balanced. I do try my best to write for all the fandoms I enjoy, but inspiration isn’t something you can force. Sometimes, I’m more drawn to one character or fandom than another, and my writing reflects that. Right now, I’ve been feeling particularly inspired by Glen Powell’s projects—but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about the other fandoms. (I'm sure when Thunderbolts comes out next year I'll probably start writing more Bucky Barnes stuff, etc.)

Second, I do want to point out that even within Glen Powell-related fandoms like TGM I do write for other characters. I've written several things for Rooster both for Kinktober and just as standalone fics. I've also written one or two things for Bob as well.

Thirdly, it’s worth noting that my Glen Powell-related posts tend to get the most engagement. While I’m not solely motivated by likes or reblogs, it’s encouraging to see people enjoying my work. Naturally, I lean into what resonates with readers because it feels good to know others are as excited about something as I am. That said, I still love writing for my other fandoms when the inspiration strikes or when I get requests that spark an idea.

Speaking of requests, a lot of my WWE content comes from prompts or suggestions people send me. I don’t watch as closely as I used to, so it’s harder for me to come up with original ideas—but I still enjoy writing for those characters when something clicks. Similarly, I’ve written for the MCU (two Bucky Barnes fics as part of Kinktober!), but since it’s been a while since I’ve watched the movies or shows, I’d want to revisit them to make sure I’m doing the characters justice. With so much MCU content, that’s a big time commitment while also being a wife, mom, working full time, etc. But it’s something I’d like to do in the future.

As for your opinion on Glen Powell as an actor: everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it’s okay if you don’t like him or his work. Personally, I think Glen is a fantastic actor who brings a lot of charisma and range to his roles. He’s certainly played the cocky, confident type, but if you look at his broader filmography, you’ll see he’s taken on a variety of roles. His performance in Hit Man, for instance, showcases his range and ability to embody complex characters very well, in my opinion.

At the end of the day, this blog is a creative space where I share the things I’m passionate about. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read, interact, and support, but I also have to write what feels authentic to me. I understand that not everything I post will be for everyone—and that’s okay. If Glen Powell or the content I’ve been posting isn’t to your taste, I won’t take it personally if you decide to scroll past or unfollow. Fandom spaces are big, and I’m sure you can find content that aligns better with your preferences.

[rainydawgradioblog]

Meet the Band: Pilot Seat

Oh hello once again, blawgers! Yes, I am back to drop one last installment of my "Meet the Band" series until spring quarter! Today, I’m excited to introduce you to another incredible local band: Pilot Seat. This indie/psych/pop trio consists of Eli Bloom (vocals and guitar), Bret Shelley (bass guitar), and Everett Farrand (drums) who sadly couldn't make the interview.

The band has been going strong for three years, starting back in their days at Shoreline High School. It all began when Shelley was releasing music on his own during junior year. A schoolmate, Bloom, discovered Shelley’s tracks and reached out to collaborate. “I was nervous to join a band since I was used to doing my own thing,” Shelley shared, “but after a couple of jam sessions, we just clicked.” The chemistry was undeniable. After a feature in their high school newspaper, the realization hit—they didn’t even have a name.

“We started looking around the studio room [Shelley’s home basement], and I saw the chair we actually produce the music in,” Shelley explained. “We call it the Pilot Seat, and that’s how the band name was born.”

By the middle of their senior year, Pilot Seat was fully up and running, culminating in the highlight of their high school journey: playing at their senior prom. When college began, the band members went their separate ways, with Shelley heading to an arts school in Portland and Bloom and Farrand enrolling at the University of Washington. Despite the distance, the band stayed committed, playing one or two shows a month and creating music during school breaks. “I’m close enough to where it’s doable,” Shelley said. “This band is really important to all three of us, and I can’t imagine not being a part of it.” Their favorite shows are house gigs, where the energy from the crowd keeps them motivated. “We love when people go berserk at house shows,” Bloom said. “It makes us give it all we’ve got because the crowd gives it right back.” 

When it comes to musical inspiration, Shelley said, “I draw a lot from jam bands like King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, My Bloody Valentine, and Candy Claws.” Bloom chimed in, saying, “This is always such a hard question. My parents introduced me to a lot of 60s and 70s music as a kid, so my early inspirations were The Beatles, Nirvana, and Jimi Hendrix. Over time, I’ve expanded to loving bands like My Bloody Valentine, The Police, and Mk.gee.”

Pilot Seat has had some incredible moments on stage. Shelley fondly recalled performing at the Central Saloon, saying, “It was amazing to see pictures of Alice in Chains and Nirvana on the walls and to think we played on the same stage.” Another major milestone was being part of the Sound Off showcase at Seattle’s MoPOP Museum. “Getting that call saying we made it was unreal,” Bloom said. “It was a great opportunity to connect with the local music scene and gain more exposure.” One of their wildest shows was at a church, where they were the final act of the night. After the first band’s set, a fog machine malfunctioned, triggering the fire alarm. Chaos erupted as the fire department and landlord showed up, cutting all the sets down to 15 minutes. “I just remember being fueled with rage the whole time,” Bloom laughed. “It wasn’t anger, really—just adrenaline from all the randomness. That show always makes me think, ‘How did we even do that?’”

Looking ahead, the band has big goals. Bloom shared, “In the next couple of years, we hope to tour up and down the West Coast.” They also plan to record an album this year, with a couple of songs already in the works. Shelley shared his songwriting process, saying, “I like starting with memorable bass lines, then building drums and adding synths until we have a full song.” For Bloom, creativity often strikes spontaneously. “Ideas will sit in the back of my head for a while,” he said. “Sometimes, I’ll come up with a 30-second riff on the guitar and not revisit it for five months.” The band admitted that finding lyrics can be the toughest part, but the rush of completing a song always pushes them forward.

And now, for my signature question: What do you love about music? Here’s what Pilot Seat had to say:

Eli Bloom- “There’s such a human part to music that makes me speechless, and I always think about how miserable life can be without music. Music has been an obsession since I can remember, every major experience can be correlated to a soundtrack of my life. It really defines the human experience, connecting with people through some sound instead of using words as an outlet.” 

Bret Shelley- “I love the way music makes me feel, I’ll listen to a song, and the way the chords are moving is enough to bring me to tears. I’ve had so many incredible moments in my life with music and I try to hunt that down to invoke that feeling in the music I create.”

Stay tuned for their next steps, and don’t miss their upcoming shows around Seattle. This is one band you’ll want to watch!

DJ Penny Lane - Meet the Band

https://www.instagram.com/huskyhippiehour/

[mx-piggy]

a couple of years ago, i came across that 'queer Seinfeld' meme on here where people would come up with storylines for a queer version of seinfeld. and, it inspired me to queerify the painfully straight 90s sitcom i was obsessed with from the age of 9 to 14, Friends. i wrote a couple of ideas out for plots, and i even wrote a poorly formatted script for one scene. but i never ended up finishing it, i guess because i didn't think anyone would like it or want to read it because of how committed i was to maintaining the Friends style of humour and story structure, which people aren't really fans of these days, especially compared to other 90s sitcoms like Seinfeld or Frasier, which is pretty fair. (i say that as someone who likes Friends). plus my intended audience, the queers, probably don't fuck with Friends like they fuck with Seinfeld.

just a few minutes ago, i read over what i'd written back in like 2022, and i'd say the scene i wrote plays out a lot like your average Friends scene, with similar jokes and a similar structure, only it features Ross (he/him) checking out a man and the joke isn't at the expense of his masculinity or the masculinity of queer men. the rest of the episode- which i haven't written yet- involves a pretty mundane Ross and Rachel relationship story, where Ross denies that he has a crush on the guy he checked out and is driven insane by Rachel's (she/her) lack of jealousy and her teasing about his crush. or something like that. i haven't fully figured it out yet. meanwhile (and i think this is going to be the A plot), Monica (she/they) and Phoebe (they/them) secretly befriend Carol and Susan. they hide the friendship from the rest of the Friends gang- given the tension between Ross, his ex-wife and her lesbian lover. amidst the secrecy- Chandler (he/him) and Joey (he/him) suspect that Monica and Phoebe are dating. to summarise, it's inane filler.

i think it might be fun to go back to and try to finish the script i started, so i may well revisit this project. it's probably going to turn out as the least appealing fanwork ever created, but that's an abomination i'm willing to bring into the world.

where Friends is- at its worst- a mediocre sitcom for white cishets with no personality, my Queer Friends is- at its best- a mediocre sitcom for (probably) white queer people with no personality. so, suffice it to say, i doubt most Friends fans will like it, and i doubt most queer people will like it. this is for me, the queer, working class tween who spent 2014-2019 watching an occasionally dated sitcom about a group of cishet, middle class adults made in the 90s.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

makenzie!! batman adaptation discussion for you: it could be argued that there are small elements of camp in batman begins (jonathan crane & falcone embodying them specifically, but also zsasz a little bit lmao), that are nearly obliterated in the two sequels... like nolan was toying with the idea of letting loose, mayhaps. it's really interesting to me, especially because batman begins is arguably the most boring film of the three. would love to know if you have thoughts on this

(my thoughts are getting away from me but also like how does this compare to the kind of camp in batman 2022?? neither are very similar to the 80s/90s films)

hi Elizabeth!!! I was waiting to answer this because I thought my Batman movie club was going to knock out all three Nolan movies pretty quick and I could give a more informed answer, but alas - we've hit a hiatus after Batman Begins, so that's all I'm going to have to work with and it's going to have to suffice because I don't want to leave this sitting in the inbox any longer.

I think for the most part Nolan's Batman movies are too wildly self conscious to qualify for true camp status, but without having revisited the Dark Knight and Rises yet I think I can agree that Begins has the most flirtation with maybe getting a little silly? I think Zsasz is too minor to make much of a dent in the all-consuming self-seriousness, but Cillian Murphy is really breathlessly committed to the Scarecrow and playing him as a straight-up comic book villain in a way that doesn't get to happen much later in the series. he tells Batman to lighten up while he sets him on fire, which rules and would, I think, probably not be allowed in the later movies. he ends the movie wearing a straightjacket riding a stolen police horse and gets immediately taken out by a lawyer with a taser! he's giving us everything he has to give! he has like four minutes of screen time and all of them are perfect.

I do think it's very interesting that throughout all three movies, Nolan is picking out antagonists who are known for being like. BOMBASTICALLY weird and over the top - Scarecrow! Two-Face! Catwoman! Bane! the fucking Joker!!! an entire secret society of assassins, COME ON - and then kind of fighting against the very nature of these characters to make them fit into the world he's envisioned, with mixed results; Harvey and Selina and Bane in particular all fall pretty flat for me. like, fuck, where's Lady Shiva's movie? not that she's not also on some freak shit, but a vicious martial artist obsessed with proving herself against the best fighters in the world seems way easier to fit into a grounded Bat universe in a way that doesn't feel anticlimactic than, say, a bad CGI Two-Face who almost immediately gets murdered. there were options!

anyway I've gotten way off topic, but I agree that Begins had the most wiggle room to set the tone for the universe by virtue of being the first and it did Try Some Things, especially with the presentation and pomp of the League of Shadows, as well as some of Bruce's Brucier moments when he's playing up his rich dolt image, but ultimately a lot of it got rejected in the latter installations in favor of getting ever grimmer.

comparing it to the 2022 movie is REALLY INTERESTING because they're both very dark and gritty, tonally, and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why one of them mostly works for me and the other one mostly doesn't (although I'll preface this by saying that they both have high and low points, especially: re their casting; Murphy's Scarecrow is inspired in a mostly bland movie and Paul Dano's Riddler is miserable in a mostly excellent movie, etc).

for me personally a lot of it comes down to how much trust the respective directors seem to be willing to put in their audiences to buy in and accept Batman as a story for what it is; this is largely what I mean when I say Nolan seems insecure in his story. Batman Begins, in particular, has much of its first hour bogged down by explanations of where every individual piece of Bat costuming and tech comes from, almost like Nolan feels a need to look at the audience and prove that it totally makes sense and could work; it comes across like he was specifically anticipating and writing for people who would call Batman's gadgetry unrealistic plot holes, and preemptively apologizing for what Batman is. the whole trilogy comes across as similarly cringing, like it can't quite shake being embarrassed by where it comes from.

The Batman 2022, to me, is sort of tonally similar, in that it's very grounded in the crime and corruption and grimiest parts of Gotham, but it reminds me much more of stories like the Long Halloween the way it's taking place in a sweaty haze version of the city that feels like a fever dream. everything is so heightened where Nolan's movies are so grounded as to be miserably earthbound; from the opening narration Bruce is already a prowling, larger than life shadow who calls himself a creature of the night and sulks around his miserable gothic mansion in running eye makeup while flinching from the sunlight. Reeves doesn't waste a fucking second explaining what Batman is or why Batman is because you are a 21st century moviegoer, you know what and why Batman is and we have shit to do. he already knows Gordon, the Joker is already in prison, the Batmobile is a muscle car that looks goddamn possessed and no, you don't need to worry about where it came from.

the whole movie is wrapped is this fucking. vaguely horny neon ambiance where you mostly know the rules but also have this sense that anything weird could happen at any moment; it's a space that is operating without powers or anything too outlandish for now but very much feels like it has room for a Poison Ivy or a Scarecrow twisting your mind, for a Clayface making you paranoid as you don't know who to trust. it's a gorgeous world to play in and I think it's going to lend itself much more to adapting the world, much more so than the Nolan movies where the addition of each new iconic character just came with the question of how much would be stripped away and flattened to make them fit in. camp requires that kind of playful artifice, things masquerading as other things, to work, and I think Batman 2022 really nailed that.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Our sixth book in the series (fourth in written order) The Silver Chair is one of the hardest Narnia books to write about. It's a weird one but most fans I've known like it and I bet it's a fair few people's favorites. This time we're done with the four Pevensie siblings and our holdover is Eustace Scrubb from Dawn Treader. More mature and changed by the voyage here with a classmate Jill. Back to the same vibe as The Magician's Nephew pair with a way better Uncle Andrew stand-in out of our main man this blog will always stan, Puddleglum. I know you lovelies out in Tumblr land love Puddleglum.

Imagine Eeyore playing D&D as a frogman paladin. Pessimistic as hell, though he assures us he's a weird optimist for his Marsh-Wiggle race, but he goes hard. I have never forgotten the sheer emotion that came across when Puddleglum found out he committed the major taboo of eating a talking animal. He also gets the best chance to showcase why I like the fine line CS Lewis walks with Christian elements in the series.

Has to do with the main plot. Underdark this time and now I'm starting to appreciate where my love of fantasy sea, desert, and cave journeys come from. Caspian's son Rilian has been taken by an evil queen brainwashing him. Evil queen does lean into being a figure for atheist arguments but it's important to note that the tone is a very fine line. Imagine making a criticism of Youtube Athiests leaning on specious reasoning to dunk on a prominent Christian. It ties in more with the series setting up Eustace & Jill through a criticism of English schools, Digory in Wardrobe bemoaning how they don't teach logic anymore. And what seals the deal to me is how Puddleglum lays it out in a bit of an author filibuster...making explicit the idea that he thinks the question of whether or not Aslan and the world of Narnia above are actually real isn't important.

The idea of those things matters in its own right, especially if those ideals inspire him to be a better person. The belief that this worldly life is but the first step on a much grander journey, the faith that the world is a more special place than mankind can fully grasp does not need to be true if it gives us the drive to make a better Earth. I can get behind that at least. This is also a man who very much believes in the idea of maintaining whimsy & childlike wonder for much of the same reasons. That's pretty ballsy for Christian philosophy, looking at the clergy I know today I only know one example who'd comfortably say something like that and he's still an asshole that really could do with reading The Last Battle more closely. I'm not a religious person by any stretch, but it absolutely pisses me off to see charlatans looking for a hot take trash a wonderful child-friendly series that teaches critical thinking and examines the nature of belief as mere Christian propaganda.

Other than that you see the writing start to mature. Special shoutout to The Horse and His Boy getting a nod as a famous in-universe tale. Which is awesome for a very 1001 Nights inspired side story. Even more so when it is a foreshadow or callback depending on which order you read the series in. Eustace & Jill are a solid pair. I don't think they have the chemistry Digory & Polly had but weaker character chemistry for CS Lewis is still better than most. Great, great entry in the series that is a fun story for a kid but gives you some real meat if you revisit as an adult.

[d6ggyb0x]

Guess what? Today is my birthday, which means I am officially turning 18. It marks the beginning of my journey into adulthood, I suppose...

I know this post is going to be a little long and some few vents here and there but, i want to express my gratitude for your support when I posted my (Not so best) first Eosd arrangement of Alice's stage. Initially, when I didn't have my laptop, and for my very dedicated early viewers who have been with me since the beginning of my channel. A fun fact for my newer viewers - I used to upload Gacha content (Yes, I used to be a silly cringy Gacha YouTuber! :3). Most of it consisted of cringy and unoriginal stories that I created, featuring a silly and bubbly half-dog boi named 'Doggy Sky,' who is still the mascot of this channel (now known as Skyon because he's like my child!). Many of my earlier works lacked originality as storytelling wasn't my strong suit teheh... It's unfortunate that these old videos are lost now. I wish I had archived them so I could revisit them and chuckle at my own cringy creations before deleting them. It's sad that a part of my channel history has disappeared...

[Also another fun fact about my channel's name, 'Derpy_UwU2006'. The name 'Derpy' is inspired by one of my favorite Mlp characters named Derpy, 'UwU' is a nod to my furry phase :P, and '2006' represents of course my birth year.]

One year comes by, I came across a specific Touhou arrangement called "A World Nightmares Never Seen Before" from Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom in the style of the 6th installment.

I really like how they arranged the theme! Afterwards, I wanted to listen to more arrangements done in that style. Soon enough, I discovered  @_boga0817 ​​​​'s channel from this video.

I was mesmerized by their amazing work in imitating this style! The more of their works I watched, the stronger my desire became to arrange like them. They heavily influence me to start my own Touhou arrangements. I have been following them since around 2020. Initially, I used to upload their unreleased or work-in-progress arrangements from their Google Drive. However, I realized it was wrong to take their work without consent and eventually deleted the uploads. Thanks again to  @_boga0817 ​​​​​ for inspiring me to arrange!✨

I just really adore the sound of the SD-90 in that classic Windows installment from this incredible franchise that has captured my interest for the past 6 years.

Anyways I would like to apologize for not uploading more arrangements as promised. Balancing personal life and dealing with burnout has made it challenging to keep up with my commitments. The whole idea of turning 18 is particularly overwhelming as it marks the end of my childhood, leading me to reflect on everything and feeling a bit depressed. I'm feeling very anxious about what the next chapter in my life will bring, filled with uncertainties about the future. I fear that I may end up feeling very lonely due to struggling with social interactions and lack of friends. Being alone most of the time has left me lacking in social skills and makes talking to people difficult for me... I simply want to express my gratitude to everyone for sticking with me through this journey. In 2024, despite the challenges I've faced, I am choosing to remain optimistic and envision a bright future ahead..!✨

To wrap up this post, here is a silly old drawing I made of Skyon.. In 2019! :3

[drowning-inmysleep]

ultima // discard

La Mort de Marat / Marat Assassiné , Jacques-Louis David "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience" January 8th, 3:00am. I'm working on a song that I had no inspiration for other than creating something loud and layered in a way similar to a song a friend/understudy had showed me days prior. I compose three minutes of music, in which it starts by assaulting the listener with grain delay processed bass samples and hard kicks. After thirty seconds of this the track opens itself similar to the ribcage of the Gaping Dragon, residing at the bottom level of the Undead Burg. It drops it's hardness for a broken arrangement of synths, the melody is trying to pierce through but it never ends up being able to. Like a CD skipping. This is the moment the track breaks and shows itself.

When I was making this, I barely thought anything of it other than "this is powerful". I remember thinking this track will scare people when I play it out, or that if they're on enough drugs it could push them to an emotional breakthrough.

A lot of times I think about the people on drugs in the crowd of my shows, and how the music I make will effect them. In the instance of "ultima//discard", I am almost certain this will invoke some sort of bad trip.

I remember reading an interview with Yoko Taro, my favorite video game creator and scenario writer, in which he said something along the lines of: "To be a creator is to understand your audience, and to understand that is how to hurt them. You find how they react based on your previous work, and you build off of that. In a way it feels like manipulation on a mass scale. It makes me feel bad" As a creator this is true. I feel the same way, but what I think is important to know is the context of said creator. Taro has expressed that in his life, he has experienced a great deal of pain, and is haunted by the memory of it. It comes through in our work whether we'd like it to or not.

All of the artists inspirational to me follow this same pattern and ethos. A good portion of them ended up committing suicide.

Returning to the night of January 8th, the creation of ultima//discard - I made all three minutes of the song in one sitting. At first it was an experiment to see how much I could do with the that bass I mentioned above, but once the broken synth ensemble showed itself I knew there was something there and I had to keep going. An hour later I have the song constructed enough to walk away from at 3 minutes, and finish later. This is how I create most of my music. Usually an outpour of whatever I'm feeling right then and there, to then be expanded upon and revisited. I take a break and load up the game Tales of Berseria. A game in which the main character, Velvet, has their only family member sacrificed by what was their only parental figure, and is then turned into a "Therion" - a demon-human creature that feeds off of other demons. The rest of the game is spent hunting down the parental figure that took Velvet's younger sibling from them. In the game Velvet is plagued by dreams of her consuming and eating her younger brother, the one sacrificed by her father. Her father is now a world leader of peace, and it turns out the sacrifice was necessary to enact said peace. It was getting late, but as I'm tearing humans and demons apart as Velvet I can't help but think "I need to add a vocal to ultima//discard". As mentioned in previous articles, if i'm sampling vocals from another song I like to take them and push them to a darker, much worse place than their origin. I look up something like "why can't you save me?" and "baby can't you save me?". Not knowing any song that says that, but plainly I had the idea to bring the vocal in near the end of where I got to. I find the song Save Me by Nicki Minaj. "'I'm givin' up baby, yes And I can't seem to silence these voices in my head (Yeah) This time, won't you save me? Come save me This time, won't you save me?" This is exactly what I needed, exactly what I wanted. It makes it even better that it's from Nicki Minaj, an artist mainly known for her braggadocios persona. To find a example of her sounding so broken, in a song I never heard from her. It's like I had a precognition this existed, as it were similar to the generic lyric prompt I'd searched to find it. Regardless, I isolate the vocals from the song and take the part I referenced, and throw them at the (current) end of the track. I've recently started processing vocals in a very distinct way, trying to evoke the echoes of hauntology present in Burial's work. He would probably hate that.

I wasn't entirely pleased with the execution, alas the idea was there and I would return to it later. I walked away from it feeling excited to get back eventually, but also that there was something extremely dark about this song.

I never intended for it to be anything real, or representative of anything I was going through. I wasn't really going through anything when I made it, besides the weight of the things I've experienced in my life already. But that wasn't on my mind, I just wanted to make a romantic club track in the flavor of tortured loner musicians I worship so heavily. Maybe I worship these artists because in a way I get it. I yearn for human connection but said connection is hard for me to trust or process. I am someone that would probably be better off knowing less people and spending more time inside.

I'm a popular person and most people that know me like, but naturally I lean towards my real relationships and friendships being through digital interfaces. I've always been this way. The consistent relationships in my life are that of romantic partners, or creative/work partners. With all that being said, the song did feel like it was representative of something real, something I didn't want to face, or something tragic that is inevitably on it's way to me. This is a feeling I encounter whenever I dream.

I suffer from insomnia, which started after a 2 month period of lucid dreaming when I was a teenager. My dreams have always been something I take as reality while I'm experiencing it. Most of the dreams I remember feel precognitive, as they are never whimsical or magical or 'dreamlike' in anyway. They feel like any other day, and usually something bad happens in them.

I would say that atleast 70% of the precognitive dreams I have come true, and when they do I am gravely upset I was right about the outcome whether I was thinking about it or not. I wrote about this in my first article here, in which I mentioned a dream I had where my sister called me and told me my Grandpa died. He died the next day.

As I've grown up I've found that certain drugs stop me from being able to dream, and you could say I have a dependency on them now.

Once again, let us return to ultima//discard. The track title comes from a naming motif I came up with a few weeks ago, in which each track will be named "ultima// "track title". Ultima referring to the feminine form of the latin word, "ultimus", meaning "farthest or last". In a literal sense, it also refers to the last syllable of a word. Each ultima track has it's real name after the word ultima, and those words hold the real relation to the song. I never think too hard about naming anything, usually just some romanticized idea of whatever i'm doing. In the essence of this song, "discard" refers to the amount of people I have discarded in the past few months.

Now that I'm writing this I'm realizing the theme of discarding people has been a consistent emotion present in my work and my life for the past year.

However, the title really meant nothing to me. It was just another grouping of words that sounded right to me. I named the song and went to bed. I slept for a few hours, being woken up by a dream in which my mom was crying in the hospital and some man was in a hospital bed. I felt sick, but at the same time am used to this sort of dream, and went about my day.

Over the course of the day I revisited the song, feeling excited about this new direction i'm taking my music in - although I still felt somewhat uncomfortable about the energy I subconsciously captured whilst writing it.

After spending the day inside, I got dressed and left the house to go drop off resumes at a few jobs in the city. I don't really need a job right now, but taking advice from Yung Lean whenever he lost his mind after the release of "Frost God" - I figured I should get a job and let my life be normal for awhile. Become a worker, reduce my ability to go out at night, and create a stricter boundary for myself in regards to self destructive behavior.

I've been working at this and engaging in this mindset for the past month, after some unfortunate events transcribed in my life in November. I experienced sexual assault for the first time as an adult, and a relationship I knew was damaging me came to a very dramatic end. I knew I should have left before that, and was preparing to anyway - however, I did not leave and let myself get hurt. This is another common theme in my life. A few weeks after I went out one night with friends after being in my house for weeks, and I got into a car accident that ended up costing a lot of money. As much as I've processed these moments, maybe this is what I was conjuring in ultima//discard - atleast I thought. Like I said, I wasn't really thinking about anything other than making a song when I made it.

January 8th, 6pm. I'm leaving the gas station on my way to print out and drop off resumes, a car comes down the street faster than I expected, I move out of the way and hit my tire against a curb, breaking the tire and rim, once again rendering me without a vehicle. I was listening to ultima//discard. I had the song on repeat, as I always do with songs I make the day prior / songs I'm working on. I stop it at the 25 second mark (before the introduction of the synths) and call my dad to tell him what happened. I'm not even freaking out at this point, I'm used to things like this happening. As I'm on the phone with my dad, he tells me we'll work it out but that he has to talk to me about something. A family member of mine has attempted suicide by overdose and we are unsure if he will survive. He's in the hospital hooked up to machines while the doctors try and stabilize him.

This in combination with the situation I initially called my dad about, I'm at a loss for feeling or words about any of it. Somehow I knew this would happen, I was not surprised to get this news. I hate that. I hate feeling this way everytime something horrible happens. I end the call with my dad, and ultima//discard starts again. The synths come in, and plainly It's overwhelming me. I thought at that moment: "I have unintentionally created a soundtrack for the precognitive anguish my family will experience"

While this is a coincidence, I had a feeling there was a reason this song felt so heavy, and stuck to me so hard. I spent all day listening to it before hearing the news, it was the soundtrack of my day. Upon hearing the news, the ethos of the song was prescribed right then and there. Whether I liked it or not, this is my soundtrack for the moment in which I learned my family member tried to kill themself. I don't know if they'll survive, I have a feeling they won't. I hope I'm not right about that.

//to be continued

[catelyngrant]

2, 8, 10, 15 - for the writer asks! XD

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) Oh man...I have notes and little bits of two paragraphs here, a page or five there, but most of those will never go anywhere and I'm sure I've forgotten most of those ideas already but for knowing that they're in the depths of my Google Drive.

I published 10 (which is way more than usual for me!) and I've worked on/started four that I feel committed to finishing and posting eventually, as well as one more that I'll either write in the next week or watch it disappear into the ether (pretty sure there's not gonna be an in-between option for this one). This has been a year of hyperfixation whiplash, which, combined with ADHD, has had me spiraling all over the place with ideas and then promptly getting distracted and losing the momentum.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? You know, I didn't—this was actually the year of me returning to some very, very old roots! I've written and posted my first 24 fic since, Christ, idk...2006? And then my first BSG fic since 2011, my first Doctor Who fic since 2012, and my first Star Trek fic since 2013. I wasn't expecting this but it's been pretty wild and fun! The TNG cast reuniting on Picard and then having David and Catherine back as the Doctor and Donna on Doctor Who were extremely inspiring external factors, but BSG and 24 were basically whims. I signed up for a BSG exchange in honor of the 20 year anniversary because I thought it would be fun to dip my toes back in that pond and then absolutely panicked when I realized I had to actually write BSG fic in the year of 2023, and then I started the 24 fic during a rewatch awhile back and @starg8rocks reminded me of it a few months ago and inspired me to finish it.

So, in short: no new fandoms, but lots of old ones!

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? I mean, the blood sacrifice (aka the Succession yacht vs. orca crack fic) was pretty entertaining to me personally. I'm also just having so many feelings about Doctor Who deciding that the 2023 message is "rest, recover, and reconnect with all of your friends". So, while it was quite bittersweet and partly the result of me actively rejecting the premise that Sarah Jane Smith is dead in-universe, it was mostly just lovely and cathartic to write what falls away is always and offer two characters I adore a soft, quiet moment of care and connection.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023. The two fics that I agonized over most this year were let your faith die, bring your wonder (BSG, Laura Roslin gen) and we even flew a little (Succession, post-s3 but pre-s4 Roman/Gerri). Between one being in an older fandom and being gen vs. shippy and the other being posted just before season four of Succession started and catapulted the entire fandom, me included, into a new era of fic, I'm not shocked that neither of them got as much love (comparatively) to others I posted this year, but I like them. They're both fics I'm a bit self-conscious about and felt unhappy with when I posted with but I think that's largely because they took so long and stressed me out more than anything else I wrote this year—I liked them more upon revisiting.

my fic from this year send me 2023 fic questions!

[shards-of-silver]

This is one of those questions that I want to ask a lot of authors, because I curious how many answers will be the same (if any)

The the basic premise is Do You Control Fic or Does it Control You?

What I mean by this is broken down into a few sub questions

Do you watch a show or read a book & fic ideas just pop into your head?

Are you watching/reading something and you are unsatisfied with the plot, but love the characters, therefore, set out to fix it?

Do you intend to write fic from the start, so you go in search of inspiration?

Have you ever completely lost interest in the canon, but still love the characters/fic (therefore, no longer revisit the original source of the fic?)

As is usual, this is just a guide. Answer any which way you would like - long answers are always welcome!

Ooh, my first ask! This is so exciting. Thank you, @beebee-76 for including me in your survey! (Clears throat)

It can be easy to feel like fic controls you. When inspiration takes hold, it's like it's own form of possession. You think about fic in every quiet moment. Snippets of dialogue or descriptions come to you in the middle of the workday. Only when you have the inspiration committed to a piece of (digital) paper can the spirit lay at rest... until another one comes, that is. More often than not, you're haunted by several fic ideas at a time, each demanding it be their turn to gain a digital form.

At the same time, I've learned that I need to assert my own will in the fic writing process. As a younger writer, I took on ambitious projects that I lacked the skill to complete in a way that was faithful to the original concept. I wept over my weakness as a vessel for the inspiration that flowed out my fingers and fell lifeless on the keyboard. It's only thanks to the older, wiser writers who coached and believed in me that I've learned how to negotiate with creative spirits that take up host in me.

To write well takes consistency and discipline, neither of which the spirits alone can give me. Sometimes my ideas have to wait impatiently for the time when I can give them their best release. To lie dormant inside a writer's mind is not to die. It is to cocoon within for the day of its most beautiful winged form.

I'll take your sub questions in order. Sometimes fic ideas do pop into my head on first encounter with the source material, but it's not always (or usually) like that. I prefer to sit back and think about what I read/watch, which can mean I move slowly from one book/show to the next. Usually this means thinking about the characters, their motivations and relationships (platonic, familial, romantic, nemesis, you name it). I like to ask questions about what I see and read. For example, my most recent fic came from the question "What if Morgan Elsbeth had a legitimate reason for admiring Thrawn?" My fics are the answers to my questions that I find most satisfying. Sometimes I can control the questions I ask, but answers may well come unbidden.

For your second question, YES. All the time. If my longfics don't start as a fix it AU in the beginning, they often turn into one by the end of a story. I care about characters having arcs that match their development and progression, and it pisses me off when a character gets shoved to the side of a narrative or treated unfairly in the canon. The absolute worst for me is when one characterization is sacrificed to make another's seem better. If a writer can't make a character seem good without making another suck (suck in terms of writing quality, not necessarily in terms of morality), then they need to reflect on the writing choices that brought them to this point. The best stories are the ones that do justice to ALL major characters.

Funnily enough, I don't read or watch things in search of fanfic inspiration. First I try to enjoy things for their own sake. If I'm satisfied with the work as it stands, I don't feel a need to write any fanfic. Some of the best works I've encountered are things I feel I have nothing to add to. An easy example is Avatar: The Last Airbender. I got around to watching it in college over a decade after my friends had all seen it. It was so good that I felt like the series didn't need my contribution. Yet when I watched its sequel show The Legend of Korra, I was baffled by the horrid execution of otherwise compelling ideas. Hence my desire to write more fanfics for the show (most of which are still in planning/drafting stages).

For your final question, yes. This was the case with my very first fandom I ever wrote for: Winx Club. It was a show that held my imagination for a decade. I watched it as a little girl, rediscovered it as a young teen, and was saddened to see the show that had captivated me as a four year old WASN'T the pinnacle of fantasy writing I remembered it to be. Yet I was thrilled to discover many fanfic writers who loved the foundation of the source material and had no problems giving the story a remodel that allowed it to resonate with people over the age of eight. I haven't touched the source material ever since Netflix got their filthy hands on it, but I still treasure the fics I found back then and the friends I made as a result. My love for the characters is the only thing keeping me from formally abandoning a work that hasn't seen an update in this decade.

To summarize: fic can and has controlled me before, but the best fics are the ones where we (the fic and I) work together to make the best thing we can. I don't want the creative spirit to die when it no longer possesses me. I want it to feel empowered to find a new host, to grow and evolve long after I have checked the "complete" box.