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romanarose · 6 months ago

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About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without.

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time?

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it “easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway.

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.”

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter.

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy.

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette.

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.”

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen.

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar.

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen.

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room.

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia.

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

I don't do tag lists for one shots but I do still for series so

How to keep up with the series:

Follow About a girl series on tumblr

follow @romana-updates and turn on notifications

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I really enjoy writing this series so I hope you like it too <3

KISSES

Please remeber to reblog or comment or engage in some way <3 community keeps us all writing and drawing

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie

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syn4k · 2 months ago

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survivorship bias

During WWII, the United States used survivorship bias to improve their planes. The bullet holes in returning aircraft represented areas where a bomber could take damage and still fly, while bullet-free areas needed reinforcement because planes that got shot in those areas did not come back at all.

Why do you think every single queer person of significant age is so loud and defiant about who they are? Why is the stereotype of a loud queer who makes being gay their entire personality so prevalent? Why do you see them everywhere?

Here is a statistic for you: queer youth in the United States are four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers, with 12% of them making successful attempts. From a study conducted by the Trevor Project in 2022, over a third seriously considered suicide in the past year. That number jumps to 42% for genderqueer youth.

Take a moment and process that. Fourty two percent. That's almost half.

For every trans person over 20 you meet breathing on the street, there is another one with one foot already in the grave.

What I'm saying is that there is a reason that the proud ones are the only ones that remain.

As an at least somewhat visibly genderqueer teenager, a question I get asked a lot is "if you could magically be switched into the body of your target gender with no questions and no repercussions and everyone forgot you were trans at all, would you do it?" They are well-meaning, most of the time. They are curious. They simply want to know.

My response, every time, is "absolutely not."

(For some reason, they never expect that answer.)

I am one of the lucky ones. When I say lucky, I mean beyond blessed and beyond fortunate to have been born into the family I have. My parents are devoted to each other and to raising a child who is going to make it to adulthood one day, and while they may not understand everything, they understand that it is far, far more important to have a kid who is strange alive and happy than it is to have a kid who is miserable and regular and dead.

You do not get things for free in this world. As hard as we may wish for her, there is no magical fairy that will descend from the sky and instantly change my body to what I hope it will be some day. God knows if that fairy existed we would not have fourty two percent suicide statistics. God knows she'd be a patron saint in her own right.

But these things take time and these things take money and these things take luck. You have to watch your words when dealing with the fae lest they use your own phrases against you. When I made a plan to get top surgery, my doctor, my mother and I all agreed to tell the insurance company that we were doing it to ease back pain so that they'd agreed to pay for it. These are the things we have to deal with. It's not even too urgent of a procedure for me. I can live with what I am.

Too many cannot.

I do not want to be invisible. I do not want to be silent, because silence is what drove my peers to despair and eventually to death. Silence kills.

I want scars on my chest and two weeks of recovery time and every dirty look from the soccer moms at the pool when I go shirtless. I want to stride into the county court and testify in front of a judge to get a legal name change. I love this body. It is not perfect but it is mine and it is home.

Silence kills. I want to be loud. I will viciously, visibly love myself and every demonized miscreant for the sake of the quiet ones who are looking for a reason, any reason to stay alive. I will be that reason. I will be a light in the darkness and I will love them as I love myself, as their parents and friends should love them.

Do you understand? I do not have a choice. I have to survive this world for the sake of my brethren who didn't.

I hope that one day we do not have to look at bullet holes in planes and razor blade scars on arms to reverse engineer how to survive in a harsh world. I hope that one day we will all wake up and look at the sun shining through the window and think my god, it's beautiful. How lucky I am to be alive. How lucky I am to be here in this moment despite everything.

I hope we all make it. I hope it gets easier.

Until then, I will be a beacon for those lost in the darkness. I will persevere. I will show them that it is not all suffering, this, and that it is in fact an altogether beautiful thing that you are here despite and in spite of all the forces leveled against you.

I am one of the lucky ones who made it. I love this life and this body of mine and I accept every flaw contained wherein because it is infinitely better than the alternative. I choose the pain of living over the pain of oblivion. I choose to stay, imperfect though the location is. I do not have the choice to do anything else. None of us do.

You only get one life.

Do not spend it hesitating in the dark.

#ray's tag #described #poetry #keys' writing #transgender #trans #writing

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asktransboyranma · 1 month ago

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Thank you! I am so so so happy to know other trans guys are relating to it as well! Ranma was really important to me in order accept myself and break a chain of toxic masculinity, I think I would still be stuck in that cycle of trying to be ultra manly in order to be seen as a man by society if it wasn't for me watching Ranma. My eyes shined everytime he stated he was a guy even though he was looking like a petite girl, and also his friends who knew did the same, like only the inside mattered... Anyway! I hope you can see yourself in Ranma too and root for him with me!

But of course... Trans Girl Ranma, or gender fluid/non-binary Ranma is also valid and I love those headcanons as well, that is Ranma's gender non-confirming magic!

Thank you for the support! I am glad you like his design, I was really hesitant about the roots at the start... But I think I like it!

I will answer those together with a few more "spoilers" from the plot because I am excited to share it with you guys, LOL.

Since "Ranko" doesn't exist and is Ranma's dead name, his natural hair is red (Since Genma is bald we can pretend he is a redhead LOL) like his girl form, and he dyes it black (or maybe someone dyed it for him). It IS visible by the other characters, it is a matter that will be brought up later on on the askblog... Anyway, the roots are real and visible and they will grow with time if Ranma doesn't dye it again!

Since the last time the Tendo Girls saw "Ranko" was when both her and Ranma were 3 years old, maybe Kasumi and Nabiki are suspecting it or know it... But Soun is totally fooled, which will also be brought up in the askblog later on too.

I planned a few arcs for this askblog... And one of those arcs are Ukyo's! She is going to be a trans girl ftm! I would also like to add someone to be non-binary, I thought of Pantyhose taro but I think it's funny how transphobic he sounds in the manga and maybe keeping him as that would be useful. I headcanons Konatsu to be a trans girl too, but maybe they would work as the NB... Well, I will focus on the arcs I have planned and decide that later on...

Spoiling the arcs, I want each "main route" in Ranma's harem to be a important part of his transition (except for Kuno and Kodachi). And also, Akane is Ranma's knight and first ally so she is going to be by his side during all arcs and grow with Ranma, so she doesn't need her own.

After Akane's and Ranma's partnership is better stablished and school is introduced we have:

- First arc: Ryoga's, he is important for Ranma's social transition and Akane's fully understanding and acceptance of Ranma. P-chan will be hinted although Ryoga does not become a pig or has a pig play kink, lol.

- Second arc: Shampoo! She is the one who dyed Ranma's hair black and fully supports him, so she is responsible for making him feels more like himself in his body. She is a streamer with a cat girl aesthetic and a cat sona, also a discord kitty, LOL.

- Third arc: Ukyo's! She is a childhood friend too that Ranma lost contact before she transitioned, when they meet again she will be transitioning already and will help and inspire Ranma with his own transition. We can say it's the "Starting hormone therapy" arc.

After that, I will see where the asks lead me. Also, the asks can always change the way those arcs will happen as well!

I hope you guys have patience, keep enjoying it and stick here with me to the end. 💕

#mod #faq

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illusionremember · 4 days ago

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I graduated high school in California in 2008. I remember what it was like being a queer kid back then. For the most part? Don't Ask Don't Tell wasn't just a military policy. There were a few people open about it, but not like it is today.

I remember platonically holding hands with a friend, and a group of girls staring at us like we were a disgusting bug in junior high, 2004. I remember dropping her hand. I wish I hadn't. But I remember hearing one of those girls behind us saying "that's disgusting!" and feeling shame - not for holding her hand, but for letting go, for saying nothing.

I remember evangelists protesting in front of our school with no prompting or cause aside from trying to terrorize children. They carried signs that told us we would burn in hell.

But I also remember subtly watching two girls slow-dance at homecoming, wishing them nothing but love and light, and feeling horrible for scaring them when they noticed me watching and got visibly uncomfortable. I wish I'd been able to reassure them that I was so so happy for them, and proud of their courage.

I remember walking to the mall after school holding hands with my girlfriend, and a couple of kids behind us saying "AWW!" and "KISS HER! KISS HER!" and cheering when we complied. I can still remember the warmth and delight and openness they showed us.

I remember participating in a Day of Silence, in support of queer voices that had been silent, alongside so many classmates, and those who didn't participate, were largely curious and open.

Those protesters with their hateful picket signs? I remember a swarm of kids from the school arguing with them, questioning their logic, laughing at them.

I remember the one and only openly trans person at our school, watching them go from tomboy to openly presenting as male. He's in my senior yearbook, wearing the boys' suit for their formal senior photo. I was so happy for him. He looks so confident and happy.

I think kids today - especially today - don't realize just how much we have been able to change in such a short span of time. That was in 2008. It was a transitionary phase for the queer community. We were stepping slowly out of scorn and shadow and into the open room we have now. We were opening the closet door, but our hands were still on the knob.

Within a few years we had legalized gay marriage. We have had successful trials to cure HIV. People openly have conversations about pronouns, microlabels, and other nuances of identity. Being transgender or queer is something that people explore openly and proudly and loudly now. We are standing outside of the closet.

I am only 34 now.

Things are changing. It was not long ago at all that things were different. In some places, there are still some people still keeping the safety and sanctity of the closet. But we're having the conversation on both sides of the closet door now.

Keep holding on. Keep moving forward. Keep opening your arms to each other. Keep holding out a hand for the people in line behind you. Keep shielding each other. Keep fighting. Keep believing that we will make it better. We already have.

#queer #queer community #queer pride #lgbtqia #transgender #transgender pride #fuck homophobia #progress is slow but steady #hopepunk #there's some good in this world and it's worth fighting for #always keep fighting #you are not alone #my posts

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idontknowanametouse · 20 days ago

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Luffy's siblings headcanons (that means Ace, Sabo and Uta. Will leave the Shuggy to another post)

CW/TW: mentions of eating disorders, self-loathing and classism

Ace

Is autistic and has ADHD. Absolutely no idea of social clues or rules in general. Very sensitive to rejection and olphative stim. Loves running around and uses his devil fruit powers for visual stim. Has very frequent violent meltdowns, suffered with ableism violence because of it in both childhood and adulthood. Sarcasm king, though he doesn't actually get it himself. Never makes eye contact. Masks a lot.

Has bipolar disorder. It started after Sabo's death and only gotten worse through the years as he refused to get help. Somedays he'll just not leave his bed and wonder why he exists. However, other days, he is as sparkling as a flame and can't stop running around. Even in depressed days, as very few of them are completely debilitating, he tries to keep up his smile, but it's possible to see there's something wrong.

He is very tall and has very defined muscles, although they are not big (he's kind of thin). Both portuguese and multiracial brazillian ascendence, he has dark skin and freckles all over his body. Has lots of scars, although most of them aren't visible.

Trans and gay. Found out the trans thing after he met Sabo and Luffy and started feeling gender envy. They said they didn't feel like boys, but Ace explained he envied the fact that everyone would think of them as boys just by looking at them. Transitioned when he left Fusha Island, as he felt really scared before to come out to other people. Never had a sexuality question, he likes guys and that's it. Dating Yamato on distance.

Eats almost as much as Luffy, which is quite an accomplishment, and most of it goes to his muscles. If you look just at his torso, you'll get pretty concerned about his health, but his muscles prove that he's just really thin naturally.

Fave colors are orange and red. He puts them in every single piece of stuff he's ever owned.

Doesn't swear around strangers, but does a lot around family and friends. He is, in fact, known between them for being very rude sometimes.

Loves to hug. Hugs literally all the people he sees. He's quite touch starved.

Calls the Straw Hat pirates and the revolutionaries every week. Now, he knows everything about the revolutionary members and their personal stuff (Sabo is quite a gossip girl).

Regularly visits Wano to see Otama. She loves him and is always wanting to talk to him about literally every single detail about her day-to-day life, and he'll always listen to her.

Likes bubblegum pop music (Kate Perry fan) and also really sad japanese songs like "My R" or "Hated by life itself".

Although he doesn't change much on his clothes publically, he absolutely LOVES trying gnc styles in private. Specially likes corsets and make up. As a kid, he pretended he didn't have any interest on it so others could see him as a boy, but he's always liked it (one of the few times being seen as a girl made him happy).

Very scared of abandonment. He hates the thought of being alone, and after Marineford, it intensified as he remembered the feeling of being completely alone while being taken to his execution.

Sings very well, but doesn't show it normally. Very scared of what people might think. He plays some guitar and has composed a few songs, but nobody can know.

Although he is very ashamed of wearing make up, he sometimes shows it to Marco, as he got caught one day trying it and Marco insisted on him not giving up on it cuz hes actually pretty good at it.

Will sometimes shout out loud just cause he can. He likes the sound and the feeling of it and also jump scaring people.

Very protective of lil siblings, can and will bite you (and burn you) if you mess with them.

Sabo

Is autistic and has short term memory loss issues. "Fuck social rules". Hates any kind of touch, it feels icky. Is always moving so he can stim with literally anything he got on his hands, be it a paper clip or a gun. Only drinks milk and only eats plain bread. Masked a lot in childhood, stopped after losing his memory. Has those big bug autism eyes. Eye contact very intense. Has very frequent shutdowns.

Due to the whole "being hit by a canon ball in the head" thing, he is blind and deaf in the left side. Has a big burn scar that covers almost all of the left side on his face/scalp. He also got brain damage, which paralized his left side (he constantly uses his pipe as a cane) and also worsened his thought line, as he is now uncapable of thinking beyond the short term consequences of his actions. He also has hallucinations during hard moments.

Very tall and thin, due to always forgeting to eat (short term memory loss + autism consequence). Has albinism, his hair is very light, almost white, and eyes are a very clear tone of blue. Got big dark circles due to not sleeping well at all.

Nonbinary boy and asexual. They always thought that the whole gender thing was dumb, and even more after meeting Ace and Luffy. After they lost their memory, when they got their gender asked, they'd just answer "no". Found out they were asexual after started a relationship with Koala, as she asked if they wanted to have sex and they said "no, why would I want that? Isn't that a thing people just do to have children?"

Everyone needs to remind him when to eat, or else he'll starve. Absolutely can't feel when his stomach is craving for food. One of the reasons they are so thin, beyond genetics.

Favorite colors are blue and purple. When he introduces himself, it's basically "I'm Sabo. I use he/they. I'm a revolutionary. My favorite colors are blue and purple."

The one who swears the most in the army. Also screams a lot, and they even don't realize it.

Some of the hallucinations include his abusive household. These times, he goes to Dragon for comfort.

Keeps contact with Robin every week. Whenever he calls the straw hats, he asks Luffy to bring her so they can gossip. He now knows everything the straw hats do. He and Luffy bully Ace for being the only one of them that isn't asexual.

Loves goth and punk music, if in modern scenario, would always be with phones on their ear.

Uses punk-style clothes and has lots of piercings through his body (amazing idea from @where-does-the-heart-lie), got some tattoos too.

Is very scared of the dark. He just is. Always needs a little lamp with him so he doesn't stay the whole night awake.

Knew how to play piano as a kid due to his parents. Now, he hates it. Only played ONCE because of a disguise, and everyone who was there still begs for him to play again because he was really good at it, but he refuses.

Will let Koala try some experimental make-up on them, but nobody can touch their hair.

Always waving back and forth so they can keep stimming all the time.

Has killed and will kill for the people he loves. Do not try him.

Uta

Got ADD and BPD. Can't pay attention to shit to save her life, does not give a fuck about rules. Got very complicated familial relationships, and often feels guilty for her swings, even when others reassure her that it's ok. Variates very quicky between mania and depression and often deals with suicidal ideation. These times, she looks for comfort in her family.

Is kind of small, as she is both very thin and and short. Is black and has her hair in locs, dyed half red and half white. Actually wears purple contacts for her shows.

Transfem and bisexual. Found out transness in childhood and sexuality in teen years. Many of her songs are for queer awareness and acceptance. Basically the main reason xenopronouns and xenogender are known globally, as she herself uses she/they/purple/red/cute/song/art.

Has troubles with eating disorders. It was worse when she started her carrier, but it still affects her a lot, one of the reasons she is so small. Can eat more when she is with her family, but it's still way too small. However, she did stop vomit-inducing herself, which is something she reminds and praises herself for everyday.

Their favorite color is purple, but loves pink, too.

Red never swears in public as it might affect reds image, but, in private, does it a lot. And also yells.

Purple has lots of plushies and toys from purples childhood that purple keeps. They help purple on calming down, specially before and after shows.

Is in absolute schock after cute found out cutes dad was in a relationship with Buggy, Crocodile and Mihawk. But at least cute got a friend, Perona, with all of that. They gossip basically everyday and both agree their dads' situation is weird as fuck.

Although song is an idol, song likes all type of music. Songs whole playlist is more than 200 hours long.

Art only likes the clothes art wears in shows, so art keeps wearing them everyday (only changes them for pajamas to sleep).

Gets scared very easily by daily stuff (if you whisper "boo" at her ear she will faint) but can watch all horror movies ever and not feel a thing.

Liked sewing as a kid, but due to losing practice they're now ashamed of it cuz they think it looks bad. Will only repair a few pajamas.

The kind of child to experiment make up on everyone. LITERALLY EVERYONE. And do their hair as a bonus.

Due to being scared when purple first entered the music industry, purple started skin picking as an unhealthy stim, but is now unlearning it and trying to see which healthy stims purple likes the most.

Killed a guy once cuz he talked shit about her bro (Luffy). Don't say anything about him, for your own good.

#one piece #one piece headcanons #portgas d ace #yamace #sabo #saboala #uta

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queertranshappiness · 2 months ago

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The last few days have been hard, news wise, for us. However, we still want to celebrate a bit of joy we had, because it's important:

There's an older transmasc nonbinary person who we met through a mentorship program, who we have meetings with occasionally to talk through things and get advice. He helped us today, and we want to tell you what he said (with some of our thoughts attached), incase it helps someone else tonight, or whenever you see this.

The world is cruel at the moment, and life is a bit shit. There's bad stuff everywhere. When life is like this, the important question to ask is 'how can I make things better in someone else's little world, and my little world?', and 'how can I do what's not done before?'. When you can't see the forest for the trees, it feels like it never ends. But it will end someday, and we've got to get through it. The only way we will is by taking action. Do fun stuff and support your friends. Write poetry and essays, tell your story to others. Coin new terms, flags and create new neopronoun sets that make you or others, even if it's just 1 person, feel heard. Tell someone they are loved today. Donate to organisations fighting the good fight. Find, create, and spread resources. Be as visible as you safely can, and please... don't give in to the people on reddit or twitter or wherever they are who tell you we are doomed, or that it is not worth fighting. That will get us nowhere. And if you do believe that... we understand why you feel that way, but even in your desire for a better world there is the chance of positive change. Don't dash that chance before you can take it. In his words: 'there is another world you haven't yet seen'.

So, despite it all, we've decided to launch a new project with our uni's trans society, which we are helping to run this year... and we're very excited about where it could go, if we can make it work. We might end up putting details here, someday. But we don't think we'd have had the courage to do that without talking to him.

Even on days like this... we still had some pretty cool stuff happen. We went out with our queerplatonic partner in person for the first time since the beginning of summer, and got to see an exhibition on one of our biggest special interests, which he may now be into. (/lh) We managed to pass a grading for our martial arts club, which was very cool. Why do we bring these up? Because even in days like this, in a dark world full of hateful politicians... our joy matters and is sacred.

So please, no matter what, keep on fighting, in whatever ways you can. Keep on dreaming, keep hold of your desire for a better world. To the degree you can, hold onto hope, even if it's of the smallest thing getting better, whether that be queer-related or not.

Trans and queer elders are sacred. They are some of the community's best weapons for fighting this current hateful political bubble, and many of them have been through similar waves to the one we are currently in. Their wisdom and experiences can help us. They inspire us, show us a future where we can be happy, and pave the way for a better world. In the future, we will do the same for the next generation of queer and trans youth... but we have to be there to support them. So keep on going and take it day by day, so when the sun rises again, whenever that may be... you can help someone who was in the same situation as you in the past not have to fight quite so hard. Be an elder, not a martyr. That's how we'll fix things in this world.

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tvbyw0by · 10 months ago

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P.2 w/ ftm reader !!

Armed detective agency,

Yosano, Dazai, Ranpo, Atsushi, Fukuzawa, Tanizaki siblings, Kyoka & Kenji present

Warnings: Transphobia(parents kick you out), angst w/ comfort, 13yr old reader, deadnaming(accidental.)

For the sake of this, everyone lives in the dorms & such

[NAME POV]

If you were to tell me that 3 hours ago, I would've ended up getting kicked out of my parents home for being transgender.. I would've believed you.

Because I DID, and now I'm standing outside kenjis dorm room, with tears streaming down my face.

I hesitated before knocking on the door, making sure to keep quiet so no one besides Kenji would hear.

After a couple minutes, a tired yet smiling kenji opened the door, glancing at me before he fully awoke, his eyes wide as he pulled me inside worriedly.

I wasn't part of the agency he worked at, yet I knew everyone, and everyone knew me.

"Are you okay, [DEAD.NAME]?! What happened,?!"

I didn't even care he dead named me, I was just a sobbing mess as I hugged him tightly,

"K-Kenji.. they k--kicked me out!"

My words came out stuttered and jumbled as I cried, tightening my grip on my friend,

----------------

Kenjis eyes widened before they narrowed, he no longer had that happy aura around him as he frowned at you worriedly,

"...come on,"

He saw how much you needed sleep, and he himself needed some before he could talk to you,

He lead the two of you to his small room, laying you down on an extra futon close to his as he laid down on his,

The two of you kept your pinkies interlocked as you both faded into sleep, shallow sobs quieting down.

You and Kenji sat on his couch, him staring at you with a gentle smile on his face, waiting for you to explain everything.

"My.."

He perked up once he realized you were about to explain, at first he was glad you were opening up about why you appeared at his front door at 1am in the morning, sure he knew your parents,... kicked you out, but you never said why,.

"Kenji.. I came out to them that, I'm.. trans"

Your hands shot up and you did little unsure jazz hands as kenjis smile remained on his face, he grabbed your hands,

"Oh? You're trans??" His smile remained bright despite the dark thoughts from him being mad at the ones who were called your parents,

"mhm.. my names [NAME]"

When you and kenji walked into the agency, everyone was happy to see you,

You had decided to tell them, and when you did you got nothing but praises and soothing reactions,

They decided to have you living with Kenji in the dorms, considering you not only would be living with someone around your age, but also safe in the dorms with all of them

When you actually told them about your parents, the room visibly became dark, they were all, greatly pissed off with your parents,

ESPECIALLY kyouka.

You, kyouka and kenji were like three peas in a pod, so it was only natural that she react badly to your parents,

The first thing that Kunikida did was buy you a binder, and then wrote a whole schedule to make sure you didn't wear it to long to damage yourself,

Yosano ended up cutting your hair with the help of Naomi!

And then Tanizaki styled it to look kinda like his own hairstyle, but kept it to where you can style it to look like others

Fukuzawa ended up getting legal custody over you, and with his parental rights helped you change your name legally!!

Dazai, who actually has a really good sense of style, helped you pick out clothes you found comfortable that made you feel like your true self,

You had a fashion show wearing some suits and everyone complimented you on looking handsome

Ranpo would contact Poe and force ask him to buy a whole different kind of binders simply because he thought maybe you would want some different ones, just because sometimes since you are naturally friends with the agency, you may get caught into the middle of the fights!!

Kyouka would start following you EVERYWHERE to be honest, shes your friend, and she knows how society normally reacts to LGBTQ+..

Whenever someone gives you a weird glance of disgust, kyouka, alongside Atsushi would glare at them, both doing their own intimidating acts..

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antiterf · 7 months ago

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Around 2015, or when I was about 13 or 14, I was on a bus with the friend who introduced me to the existence of trans people, as they were trans themselves (unsure of their pronouns as of current).

On that bus ride home, they told me about how some trans people go through medical transition, such as hrt and surgery. And that sometimes they need that care to survive.

I felt myself get incredibly excited about the fact that such a thing was possible. I wanted it the second I heard it.

That feeling was instantly followed by shame and dread.

I walked home from the bus stop screaming at myself in my head. That I was a freak for wanting something like that, that I'd be more of a freak for doing it. That there must have been something incredibly wrong with me for wanting that.

I got home and cried. I locked myself in a room to cry, I looked in the mirror, said it to myself again, and cried harder.

I don't hear about this experience from others in my generation much, and honestly, that's relieving. I'm happy that not everyone had an experience like that, not everyone had a gut twisting reaction to trans medical care while figuring themselves out. I know that I can't be the only one though.

Today, I look at myself and my body of mixed sex characteristics, and I'm proud. I've slowly learned to love what I will become and what I have become. I'm not a freak, but if I am, then so be it. I'm proud either way.

This has required the help of the people I surround myself with and the trans community as a whole. It's taken a lot of time, but it's beautiful in a way. How the love and care of others can help heal wounds you never knew you had before.

That said, happy trans day of visibility. Our bodies and minds are wonderful, even if it takes a while to remove all the shit that says they're not. Thank you, all of you, for being visible and helping others to realize that 🏳️‍⚧️💕

#notaterftip #not sarcasm #trans day of visibility #trans day of visibility 2024 #tdov #tdov 2024 #transgender #trans pride #trans love #I think I've told this story plenty of times before but its a good one

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the-guilty-writer · 1 year ago

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Criminal Minds PRIDE Fic Challenge!

Here we go! First writing challenge ever and I'm even more excited about the theme. During June I ask fic writers to challenge themselves a little bit by writing a piece that is LGBTQ+ inclusive!!! Don't let the topic intimidate you; If you want to participate, but don't know where to start, there are prompts to help. All the fics will be collected in a Masterlist that will be avalible by July 1st.

Note: if you have accessibility issues with this post (or any of my posts!) let me know and I can send you the information in an accessible format.

Prompts and rules are under the cut!

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These prompts are only ideas to help get you started! You can write any LGBTQ+ centered fic you want! Feel free to modify any of the more specific prompts to your liking.

Prompts:

Character coming out to their friends/family/the team.

Character's found family is more supportive than biological family when they come out.

Characters go to a pride parade/festival/event!

Characters discuss queer coding in media.

Character(s) explains their new, queer relationship to a child.

Character 1's child comes out to them. They go to Character 2 to ask what they wish their parents would have done.

Character 1 is having an identity crisis (gender or sexuality). They go to Character 2 for help.

Character 1 is confident about their identity. Character 2 isn't, so they ask for some advice.

Character 1 takes Character 2 to a gay bar for the first time to act as their wingman/wingwoman/wingperson.

Character 1 is unsure if they're attracted to or envious of Character 2's confidence in their identity.

Character has been dating Morgan, but realizes they're not attracted to men. He isn't sure how he ended up in this situation twice, but it's the perfect opportunity for him to play matchmaker for his ex girlfriends.

Character comes out to the team (or it's just pride month) and Penelope goes a bit overboard with decorations.

For the writers who are intimidated by this topic or unsure if they can write it: write something with GN!reader. It's less intimidating than you think, and it can make someone's day to be able to read a fic they might otherwise not relate to!

Bi and Pan Prompts:

Character 1 has always thought they were straight, but they realize their feelings for their best friend, Character 2, are more than platonic.

Character 1 is in a straight passing relationship and worries about the visibility of their queer identity. Their partner is incredibly supportive in helping them express themselves.

(NSFW) What does Emily really do during a sin to win weekend?

Trans and Nonbinary Prompts:

Character 1 gives Character 2 a gender affirming haircut.

Hotch teaches Character how to shave.

JJ teaches Character how to do make up.

Character finds themselves needing gender affirming clothes. Rossi makes sure they have the best of the best.

(NSFW) Character 1 gifts Character 2 gender affirming lingerie and it gives them quite the confidence boost.

Aro and Ace Prompts:

Character 1 keeps trying to set up Character 2 with people/telling them to find someone to help ease their stress. Character 2 has had enough of it.

Character has a monthly spike in libido and it makes them question their identity. Spencer tries to help with a ramble about science (NSFW add on: and a few other ways).

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Rules:

The fic can reader insert, OC, character x character, general fic, etc. as long as the character(s) is from Criminal Minds (yes, even the ones I don't write for).

Fics can be any genre and can be platonic or romantic in nature... and yes, this includes smut (I know, I know my brand is ruined. Oh well). You must be 18+ if you are going to submit smut. You all know I love platonic fics very much if not more!

You can write something new or dig up something you've already written! I'm also happy to add on fics that are sent to me after the masterlist is posted.

Tag me in your fic or message me the link. Please list the ship, content warnings, and have a 1-2 sentence summary of your piece! If you have multiple pieces, you can submit a mini masterlist.

Be kind and respectful! Reach out to me if you have any concerns. This blog is a safe space!

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Thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins for the support and for sending some of the prompts from discord! (and telling me it's safe to tag @foxy-eva for this too)

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romanarose · 6 months ago

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About a Girl Masterlist

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Themes: Found family, Tommy shitheadery (I love him), bi Aunt Tess, Joel recovering from emotional abuse, tired Joel trying to take care of everyone, grunge v country, lots of flannel, y'allternative (blending Joel's country life and reader's grunge life), Sarah Ellie friendship, Bill and Frank as the elder gays, Joel knows nothing about queerness and transness but by golly's he's trying, single dad Joel, good uncle Tommy, good uncle but also not very responsible and maybe has an addiction problem Tommy? lets find out!

Chapter 1: Joel is tired. Chapter 2: You help Joel relax Chapter 3: Blue comes out Chapter 4: Joel tries his best to stay open Chapter 5: Blue and Joel make it official Chapter 6: Blue gets to bond with Sarah Chapter 7: Blue meets Kayla and Joel is honest. Chapter 8: Joel is there for Blue, always. Chapter 9: blue sets up her future with Joel Chapter 10: Happy endings

Made for Oscar Isaac/Pedro Pascal Pride Event

How to keep up with the series:

Follow About a girl series on tumblr

follow @romana-updates and turn on notifications

Ask to be tagged!

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dionysianchub · 5 months ago

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you inspire me so much to be myself 😭🥺 im sorry it that comes across weird i just love to see fellow trans men and trans mascs loving their bodies

im also hella a feedee but my health issues get in the way of that. ñuñ

Not weird at all, I'm flattered as hell! 🥰 And I'm so happy I can inspire other trans folks to love their bodies, that's my whole jam! I consider myself incredibly blessed as far as my journey goes and it's been my mission to be visible for others like me. So it means so much to me that I can provide that inspiration for you too 💜 I'm sorry to hear your dealing with health issues, I know it can be hard when stuff like that gets in the way of gaining it other goals you have for yourself. But I hope you always put yourself and your needs first. This is the only body you got and it's perfect. Happy Pride, friend. 🏳️‍🌈

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our-trans-youth-experience · 5 months ago

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Hi there

I'm just so scared all the time it feels like

I live in Florida and I feel like I'm never safe. I'm agender and don't really mind being perceived as my AGAB, but it's still painful when someone makes a transphobic joke, especially making fun of multiple pronouns or neos (someone once said to my face that they/them pronouns are stupid because "just pick one" and effectively shoved me deeper in the closet then I even already was). Two of my queer friends have tried to kill themselves and I had to talk them down, the pushing point wasn't related but a huge factor was cause they're trans or gnc (everyone is alive and didn't have to go to the hospital, don't worry)

But it's also not all terrible!!! Which I would not have believed six months ago but there can still be good!!

I wore a really silly pride shirt I got at target (it has a koala holding a pride flag and says "e-koala-ty") once in public and was so scared, I covered it with my jacket until I was literally gonna get heatstroke if I didn't shed a layer. But when I took it off and my shirt was visible this older wlw couple called me over and one of them said "me too!!" and asked to hug me. I think she cried. I definitely felt like I was going to. When I was leaving the other woman told me thank you for making her partner so happy (: so y'know. Things fucking suck but I'm holding all of your hands, we'll get through this <3 there's people in this world that love us (those ladies were at least in their 70s!!! We can grow old!!!! We have futures!!!!!!! :D)

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

💛🤍💜🖤

🖤🩶🤍💚🤍🩶🖤

It's tough and things do suck, but we can pour out some more positivi-tea and support eachother as trans youth in any way possible. We will get through this together, I promise and I am so proud and thankful for all of you <3

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liliumsabyss · 2 years ago

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Your being

FEM DNI, I SWEAR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED ESPECIALLY WITH THIS

Viktor(Arcane) x FTM! Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: Mentions of Dysphoria, Mentions of being ashamed for being trans, some self-hate, Reader is on T, Reader is Pre-Top Surgery but is getting it, Needles, maybe ooc Viktor(?), The word trans is never used it is always referred to as “this”(makes sense in the context), Viktor got cured

A/n: HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY! Yes I know I am a little late on this but I still wanted to put something out there as a trans guy. This fic is based on a lot of my own emotions with being trans and how it’s caused me to view myself but also how I’ve grown from my past views of myself causing me to not be ashamed of myself and just let myself be me. And if anyone wants to hear any funny stories from my trans ass I would be more than willing to share them as there is a surplus. So to all my fellow trans masculine folks I hope you enjoy this fic and I wish the best to all of you!<3

In the midst of pursuing the hexacore and building hextech with Jayce, Viktor had met you, a bookstore owner from the rim in which Piltover and Zaun met. You were far more intelligent than being a bookstore owner would let on but didn’t show it off not even being aware that you had it causing Viktor to take on an immediate liking to you as he would peruse through the bookstore on his way to the lab in the early mornings when nothing yet your shop was open. The two of you had become quick friends and then eventually lovers and then you found yourselves sharing an apartment for what you two tried to excuse as for “financial reasons” even though you both knew it to not be true. Your relationship had been built on trust which didn’t come easy for either of you and yet you had kept something to yourself for all the time you had been together you didn’t know why, you weren’t ashamed of it itself, but you guessed you were ashamed in your mind that it would never be the same after Viktor would know. So it was your secret you kept, Viktor never verbally questioned why would would sleep with your shirt on, why you would use a bathrobe instead of a towel, why anytime physical intimacy started to “heat up” you’d awkwardly would put an end to it, why some days you’d sneer at anything that had a glossy enough surface to see your reflection, why you’d have to stab yourself with a needle full of some mysterious medicine(of course in the beginning he did question that one in concerns of your health and safety) and other attributes that for most men wouldn’t make sense. And you were so thankful for that so you kept your secret you knew it would never last but being with Viktor was sweet bliss so you’d enjoy it while it lasted. However you got a letter in the mail regarding top surgery you had spent years saving up for it your hands shook opening the letter terrified of what the surgeon had wrote and reading it you dropped it on the desk, heart surging, tears starting to well out of your eyes, and a huge smile found its way onto your face. They said yes. They said yes. The approval of the surgery. You’d finally be rid of the flesh on your chest that you so much anguish, the flesh that you detested would be replaced by two scars that would mark your struggle and victory. But as you checked the time you realized you were going to be late opening the shop you quickly stuffed the letter in the desk not thinking much about it running off being sure to lock the door behind you racing down the squeaky hallways.

Hours later Viktor arrived home shockingly early for him, you hadn’t even been home yet the reason he was home is he realized that while working on the hexacore he had some papers in the desk that could assist. He briskly walked over to the desk, his cane letting out soft sharp thuds against the wooden ground arriving at the desk. He opened the drawer and grabbed the papers without a thought rushing back to the lab even though it caused a thrumming pain in his leg. At the lab he slowly sat down in the wooden rolling chair he sifted through the papers reading each one carefully under the little lamp desk till he arrived at a letter confused. He read the first line and his heart dropped. It read your name and the words “ your surgery has been approved”. Viktor immediately stood upwards stumbling forgetting to grab his can but using the desk as support. He didn’t read past the first line but he knew what it meant or at least what he thought it meant. He grabbed his cane hurdling himself out of the lab barely remembering to lock it behind him he headed towards the apartment you both had called home, he knew at this time you’d be there. And he knew you, he knew that you would only get surgery that was essential to you which in his mind left only one possibility you were dying or could die without the surgery which broke his heart. Why would you keep something like that from him, especially knowing that once too he was a dying man. It also hurt him that it felt like you couldn’t rely upon him he would gladly pay for it then and one hundred times over after all hextech did make him and Jayce more wealthy and even then he could emotionally support you, be an anchor if you needed it. He wobbled up the uneven stairs and down the hall of the apartment building quickly unlocking the wooden oak door to your home while still having the letter in hand. Opening the door he saw you sitting on the couch curled up reading a book. He barged through the door slamming it behind him making you aware of his presence.

“ Hey Vik-“ You started to say before getting cut off by Viktor.

“ What is this?” He said sharply holding up the letter in his free hand giving it a slight shake angrily. Your eyes became as wide as saucers staring at the letter in his hand with fear as you bolted upwards your hands out in front of you ready to explain everything ready for your relationship to be over.

“ Look I can explain-“ You started once again before once again being cut off by the other male quite harshly.

“ How can you explain this?! How can you justify hiding this?!” Viktor responded bitterly, his tongue cutting sharp like knives.

“ I’m sorry I didn’t think it would ever get this far-“ You tried to say before Viktor interrupted.

“ You didn’t think it would get this far?! And what you're sorry you didn’t tell me you are dying!” He seethed out wrapped up in his emotions too wrapped up to notice the confused expression on your face.

“ I'm sorry, what?” You said dumbfounded and in utter confusion of his statement. Only saying this caused him to go on a rant about how could you not tell him and other statements along those lines. You went into your headspace trying to figure out what in the actual hell this conversation was about only to think about it more. Quickly you caught onto the fact that Viktor has always respected your privacy but a he must’ve accidentally come across the letter as it had been in the desk with some of his papers and had read it stopping after the first line for the sake of your privacy but also worry.

“ Viktor,” you started out sternly trying to make your voice as flat as possible. “ Viktor read the entire letter.”

Viktor just went silent his face still held bits of grief and anger but sure enough he looked down reading the letter his face remaining the same till you figured he came across the line “ the consultation before your chest masculinization subcutaneous mastectomy will be held on the date xx/xx/xxxx if you have any concerns or need to reschedule please respond back.” Viktors face softened with realization of your avoidance of being shirtless, or just naked in front of him for that matter yet unreadable as he finished the letter. He looked up at you. You thought you would be terrified and yet you felt relieved but you also felt grief mourning the relationship which you had thrived in wither away because of what you are.

“ I am sorry I lied to you, I'll pack my stuff and stay at the store.” You started remorsefully, your head hanging low, refusing to look at him chewing at your bottom lip in stress. The sound of his cane thumping across the floor matched your heartbeat and when he stopped in front of you the thumping stopped with both his cane and your heart. You almost jerked at the feeling of his strong thin hand that was placed on your shoulder waiting a second to see if you’d push his hand away from your shoulder to which you didn’t he stepped even closer sliding his arm around you holding you against his chest lightly to not scare you. While Viktor was touch starved it was often you who took charge grabbing his hand, pulling him into hugs and kisses all sorts of intimate moments but when he did take the lead it meant something it was his way of telling you that he loved you. And you could tell exactly what he was doing here embracing you gently enough where you could pull away at any moment if you so desired but hard enough where it anchored you there in that moment with him.

“ You never lied, and I am sorry my love I just worry for you.” The brunette male Sid squeezes you slightly for your comfort or maybe his own.

“ I am sorry I kept this from you but how can you still love me after knowing about this” you said wildly gesturing to your body still in VIktors embrace.

“ Because I love your entire being and this is a part of you so I love it as well.” VIktor stated warmly as if the sentiment was basic logic. But that’s exactly what you loved about Viktor is that to him his compassion, his love was just basic logic yet any other person would actually struggle to empathize and love at his level. And with the statement any of that shame that festered in you seeped out maybe not completely but you at least knew that you didn’t have to feel ashamed of it.

“ I love you so much Viktor.” You said squeezing you arms around him you could sense he flushed at the statemeant while he could say the sweetest phrases that mean ten times more than I love you to other people he himself could barely hear an “ I love you” without flushing and stammering.

“ And I you. And if you need me by your side I will be there.” He said squeezing you back the two of you standing there in the middle of your home just enjoying each other's embrace soaking in the love for one another.

#x male reader #Male reader #male reader insert #x ftm reader #ftm reader #viktor x male reader #Viktor x ftm reader #arcane x male reader #Arcane x ftm reader #x transmasc reader #x trans male reader #Trans #LiliumsAbyss<3

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