#happy easter. watch things in moderation

[sneckoil]

crashing 👍

[hellfirenacht]

Wing Man Part 9

Fic Summary: Steve 'the Hair' Harrington is your best friend, and is constantly striking out. Sick of this, you two make a deal; you'll wing man for each other. Hooking Steve up with dates is easy, but he finds himself struggling to find you a date. At least, until Dustin starts talking about his new cool friend Eddie.

Chapter Summary: You and Eddie go on your first date, but the past always lingers. 6.5 words

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Note: Y'all get to be a little horny in this one. As a treat <3 Also the poll results said you don't mind small details of what you all are wearing, and that you wanted to dress moderately slutty so I tried to keep that in mind. Enjoy!

Eddie kept his promise. For the next few days the two of you found yourself talking on the phone a lot between work shifts, band practice, and school. Late night talks became the norm, the two of you spending your evenings opening up to each other bit by bit. 

You told him about Family Video and gave him the scoop of which of his peers were renting from the back rooms, and he told you about his own shifts at the Hideout and about the weird things his drunk usuals would say. Bev had been giving him shifts again, which was at least a small steady income compared to his usual dealings.

The next Tuesday you had gone to the Hideout with Eddie, this time with him picking you up and dropping you off after. It wasn’t a date, not exactly. It was just two people who had an interest in each other hanging out with other people. Eddie had said the main reason it wasn’t a date was because he was technically working, and he didn’t want your first official date to have his band mates tagging along. Of course, that didn’t stop them from giving him knowing looks and giving him shit whenever your back was turned. Eddie would carefully keep tabs on how often they would do it, and would make them pay later during their campaign. 

That was fine with you, you were still more than happy to just spend time with Eddie and learn more about him. Watching him play guitar was mesmerizing and it was nice to be able to gawk at him in peace during his set without Steve telling you to close your mouth and stop drooling. 

After the set and dropping everyone else at home, the two of you had spent another two hours in his van just talking. Now that everything was out in the open, that awkwardness that had been between the two of you had faded into nothing. You found that talking to Eddie was as easy as talking to Steve, and you loved hearing about all of his stories from Hellfire and hearing him talk about his music. 

The only reason the two of you didn’t stay up until morning parked in front of your apartment building was because Eddie was reminded by you that he was still in school and needed to get some sleep for class the next day. When you kissed his cheek again before sliding out of his van he made a mental note to beg Bev to go on with Corroded Coffin on a Friday or Saturday for once. 

Halloween was on a Thursday this year, and you had made it very clear to Keith that you were not going to be working that night, or the next day. You had saved up all your bartering chips of overtime and days where you came in when anyone else couldn’t. You had put in your time off request three months in advance. 

Work could have you any other day of the week, but Halloween was yours and yours alone. You’d work Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Arbor Day, and Groundhog Day. You’d forgo Easter Sunday, New Years Eve and Day, and you wouldn’t bat an eye at Valentines day. But Halloween? That was yours and yours alone. 

It was the one day out of the year that you felt like you could be you. Even after the monster that is Hawkins High tried to strip you of being yourself, you pushed through and came out the other side of graduation with a new determination to never water yourself down again. You worked your ass off to save for your own run down apartment, to find clothing that you loved and not just what your peers told you to wear to blend in. 

If you wanted to show up to a shift on Halloween dressed as Han Solo with a Teddy Bear, you damn well could and no one could stop you. Not even Keith. 

But lucky for you, when the schedule for the week was posted that Monday, your name was thankfully cleared for Thursday and Friday. Keith could handle himself for those two morning shifts, and Robin and Steve could handle the evenings. It’s not like Family Video was really busy or open late on Thursday nights and you trusted Steve and Robin to handle the Friday rush. 

You woke up that Thursday feeling like it was your own personal Christmas. You took your time to wake up, have breakfast and get ready for the day. You almost called Eddie before you remembered that it was still a weekday and he would be in school. Besides, it would be weird to call him before your first date, right? 

Steve had given you a crash course on first dates over your shared shifts. His advice was a mixed bag to say the least. Every time he gave you insight into the male mind on how to act or dress or talk on a first date he would then backtrack when he remembered who he was talking to and who this first date was with. 

“Listen, you got this far by being a weirdo.” Steve had finally said after the conversation had basically gone nowhere. “I guess keep talking about eating bats and fake being drunk and you’ll get the guy.”

“You know, when you put it like that I’m starting to see why maybe this whole casual dating thing hasn’t worked for me in the past.” you had replied. 

Most of your Halloween was spent by yourself, but that wasn’t a bad thing. You started off with a nice slow morning of carving your annual jack o'lantern, having learned the hard way to not put it out early, lest it rot or be smashed by asshole kids in the neighborhood. The afternoon was spent around town, just taking in the crisp fall air and the decorations set up by all of the shops.. 

The hypocrisy in this town was stunning sometimes. Every other day of the year you had been followed by whispers of the Satanic Panic and any idea that something other than the norm might be related to something more nefarious was ostracized. Sometimes you could understand where the fear was coming from, after all the Byers kid had disappeared, presumed dead, and then had come back all within a week a few years ago. Barbara Holland had been killed by chemicals in the Hawkins Lab. There was even the fire at the mall that had killed the police chief, as well as the local lifeguard. It seemed like every single year some new tragedy would strike the small town. 

You couldn’t wait to run away to somewhere else. 

But for now, the day was yours and the night was Eddie’s. Your stomach flipped every time you thought about meeting up with him tonight. You had built up this production a lot over the past few days. You had seen the shadow cast about once a month since you were old enough to go at 18, give or take a few times where you had other plans. 

Each time you had gone, you had checked the board hoping to see the announcement that they would be opening auditions to be part of the cast or crew. But the show was tight knit, and that rarely happened. 

But at least that meant that tonight you could share something with Eddie other than your origami. Not that you were embarrassed by your hobby, but compared to running a D&D campaign and being in a band, it didn’t feel like much. 

You never seemed to run out of things to talk about with Eddie though, during your late night talks on the phone. When you weren’t captivated by his tales of running Hellfire or the inspiration for his music, you two would talk about everything else. Music, movies, the occasional small town gossip, anything you two could think of. You had already compiled a small list of movies that only one of you had seen, because all new relationships always start with “What do you mean you haven’t seen this movie?!”

That’s how you and Steve and Robin had bonded over those first few months. It probably wouldn’t be that much different with Eddie. 

After a long stroll through the town, a quick stop in to your favorite coffee shop for a treat, and a bout of window shopping in the Halloween aisles of local stores, you made your way home. You considered dropping by the high school to see Eddie as the afternoon came to a close, but you didn’t want to seem desperate. You’d see him soon enough anyway. 

As the evening went on, you popped in a few thematically appropriate movies that you watched between doing your hair and make up and passing out candy to kids who came up to your door. You may or may not have saved some of the best candy for yourself. And Eddie. He liked Snickers right? You hoped he did. 

You were ready a good two hours before you needed to meet him at the theater at midnight. You were starting to wish that you had invited him over to pre-game before the movie, but unfortunately you had listened to some of Steve’s advice and were left sitting around in your fishnets and dark lipstick for your first date with Eddie. The only thing you weren’t wearing yet were your tall boots which you only broke out for this showing because they were too uncomfortable to wear anywhere else. 

Steve had relented that you were going to dress weird for the date, considering the day and the nature of what you and Eddie were doing, but he said it’d be too weird to get ready with him. 

You decided that next time would be different. Next year, you’d have Eddie over all day, and the two of you would spend the day carving pumpkins and listening to music and arguing over what movie to watch as you passed out candy. Eddie would probably be stingy with the candy so that there would be leftovers for the two of you at the end of the night, and you’d be giving bars out by the handfuls. Maybe the two of you would cough up the dough for some full sized candy bars for kids with really fun costumes and-

What were you doing? You weren’t even officially dating yet, the first date hadn’t even happened! You were getting ahead of yourself, and thinking way too far ahead. You didn’t need to be thinking these domestic thoughts about a guy you barely knew. 

Get your shit together. You scolded yourself. Let’s try and go on one date first, then maybe have dirty thoughts about him and then I can have mushy domestic thoughts about him if things go well.

You were really hoping things went well. 

After around 10 pm the trick-or-treaters tapered off and you dumped the remaining candy in your bag for the movie. Your hand itched for the phone around 10:30, your brain telling you that it was getting late and that you should call Eddie now if you wanted to talk to him before bed, and you reminded yourself that you’ll see him in an hour. 

The hour could not go any slower. 

“Steve, I’m freaking out.” you said into the phone the second he picked up. “What the fuck am I doing?!”

“You’re going on a date with Eddie Munson to a midnight showing of a movie that has no plot.” he yawned. 

You resisted the urge to hang up on him and instead paced around your living room, holding onto the phone. 

“Steve, I’m serious!” 

“So am I, the more you talk about the movie the less sense it makes.” 

You lightly smacked your head against the wall. “How do you do this every week with different girls?! I’m going on one date and I feel too damn antsy.”

The chord to your phone stretched to its limit as you walked towards your bookshelf and pulled out your senior year yearbook, flipping through it. 

“Dating is like any other skill, you have to practice and actually do it to be any good.” Steve sighed into the phone. 

“I hate that.” you said, looking through the Ms. Maddison... Morrison.... Munson. 

No photo available, what the actual fuck? You flipped through the book, to the club section but there was no trace or whisper of the Hellfire Club at all in the 1984 Hawkins High yearbook. 

“This was your idea.” Steve reminded you as you pushed the book away and reached for 1983’s yearbook. 

“And? I have a lot of ideas and not all of them are good.” You flipped through the book, trying to find Eddie’s name and photo. Why hadn’t you thought of this before?

“So... are you chickening out, again?” You could hear the mild annoyance in his voice. 

“No! I’m just... I’m just nervous, alright? I haven’t been on a date since Junior year. Wait no, there was that horrible study date in Senior year. It’s been a while okay?” you groaned. 

You scanned the Ms again, stopping for a split second to snicker at Chris Morrison’s horrible yearbook photo. His hair was an unfortunate overgrown sandy haircut that looked like a bad mix of a mullet and a bowl cut, with a fringe that fell in his gray eyes. His face was stoic and he looked like he wanted to kill whoever was in charge of the camera. 

A few photos later was Eddie Munson’s Junior year photo. Somehow seeing his face in your yearbook made your shoulders relax a little bit. You at least could confirm that you had indeed gone to school with him. His face was softer looking, and his hair fell just below his jawline.You saw a peak of his Hellfire shirt, the same one in Chris’s photo. He was smiling, well as best as a teenage boy who doesn’t want to get his photo taken would smile. It was endearing, and something in the back of your mind started nagging at you that this Eddie looked more familiar. 

“Hello? Anyone home?” 

You snapped back to reality, remembering that you were on the phone with Steve. “Yeah, sorry I got distracted. What was that?” 

“I said you shouldn’t be nervous.” Steve repeated. “You like him. He likes you. It’s not that complicated. He wouldn’t have shown up that night if he didn’t have an interest in you.”

“Oh, but what if it is that complicated, Stevie?” You sighed dramatically. “After all, the three of us seem to be horribly unlucky in love.”

“You’re telling me.” Steve admitted. “Three dozen dates later and I’m still looking for that spark.” 

Steve had been head over heels for Nancy Wheeler, and had his heart crushed. You hadn’t had any luck in love ever, with only a few failed dates under your belt from high school, and two one-night stands. Robin... you couldn’t get a read on her. She seemed to have a crush on someone, and Steve definitely knew who it was but they weren’t telling you. It hurt a little, but you knew that the two had a bond that you wouldn’t be able to touch. If Robin wanted to tell you, she would. 

Okay, you did ask and make sure that the person she was crushing on wasn’t Eddie. The last thing you wanted was to date someone who your friend had feelings for. Thankfully, Robin had quickly cleared up that she didn’t even know Eddie and therefore can confidently say that she had absolutely no feelings for the guy, romantic or otherwise. 

Steve spent the next half hour calming you down and talking to you as you flipped through your high school yearbooks, picking out Eddie’s photo in each one. There was even a small blurb about the Hellfire Club in your freshman yearbook. As you delved deeper in time, his hair got shorter and shorter, and he looked more and more familiar. 

Where did you know this guy from? 

When the clock struck 11 pm, you said your goodbye to Steve, checked yourself out in the mirror one last time, and made your way to the theater. 

It was twenty minutes until show time when you parked your car and made your way into the lobby. The yellow lights illuminated the crowd of people who had shown up for the annual midnight screening, and you took a deep breath as you scanned the crowd. 

Just for tonight, you felt like you could breathe. 

Freaks and weirdos from all over had come together for a night of sex jokes, aliens, music, and yelling at a screen. The room was filled with people covered in leather, and lingerie and costumes from both the show and other media. There were a few familiar faces, and you spotted two people that you recognized from the shadow cast in the corner. They looked... upset. Not at each other, you recognized the way they were talking to each other. You and Steve and Robin had given each other the same looks before when Keith had fucked up the schedule or a customer pissed one of you off. 

Whatever was the matter, the two quickly finished their bitch session and made their way back into the theater. You wondered what that was about, but didn’t have time to think about it too hard because a hand fell on your shoulder. 

Your breath caught in your throat when you turned around to see your date. Eddie’s hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, which really showed his jawline and really long neck you wondered what the square of his jaw would feel like against your lips. He hadn’t ditched his battle vest or leather jacket you weren’t complaining and he was wearing a cropped shirt . You had to force yourself to not look at his exposed midriff you’ve never wanted to bite someone’s hips before holy shit, or note the fine trail of hair just below his belly button that dipped into his dark ripped jeans where a peak of blue boxers were peaking out. Did he taste as good as he looked?!  He had swapped out a few of his rings, but the obsidian one on his right hand stayed, and the chains on his jacket, bracelet and wallet made a noise with every movement he made. What would that sound like if he was on top of you? 

A small voice in the back of your mind told you that Dustin Henderson could rent any movie he ever wanted ever forever as long as you worked Family Video. 

You pushed those sudden X rated feelings down, and smiled up at him. “Hey, I’m glad you made it.” you managed to say, tongue tied as you thought about what you’d rather your tongue suddenly be doing- 

Eddie’s eyes drifted down your outfit in the same way that you were sure you had just looked at him. The idea that he might also be thinking similar thoughts about you made your heart race before he turned away. He was now looking around the lobby with wide eyes, taking in all the different people his expression was somewhere between elation and disbelief. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many freaks in person.” he said, his eyes darting around to the crowds of people. 

“You aren’t at Hawkins High and these aren’t children.” you said, watching his expression. “It’s why I like coming here each month. I get to meet people who are more like me.”

Eddie took in the scene, and you took in Eddie. Horny thoughts aside, you wondered how often he got to see people who weren’t cut from the standard Hawkins cookie cutter. From what he’d told you during your late night calls, his social circle was tiny. His only friends were in Hawkins, except for one Ronnie Ecker. 

You had escaped the monster that was Hawkins High School, even if you were still stuck in the beast of a town. You didn’t have much room to judge his smaller group when Steve and Robin were the only ones who you reliably hung out with on a regular basis. Even then, you knew that the two of them had a connection that went deeper than just coworkers and people who went to school together. 

Did Eddie have someone that he connected with the same way Robin and Steve did? There were so many things about him that you still wanted to know about him. 

A voice called your name, and your eyes lit up as you saw Robin and Steve walking over to the two of you. Excitement then shifted to confusion, wait, what were they doing here? Did they come here to crash your date? That didn’t seem right, not after Steve had put in so much effort into making sure that this date actually happened. 

You and Robin hugged and Steve gave a slightly awkward hello. Eddie was looking between you and your two friends, looking just as confused as you felt. 

“Hey, Robin!” you said, trying to figure out what was going on. “What are you guys doing here?”

“You invited us a month ago, remember?” Robin asked. “You made a big deal about dragging us to the Halloween showing this year and Steve and I got tickets. But don’t worry! We know this is a date so me and Steve are going to sit at the opposite side of the theater and make sure that we don’t bother you. Of course, Steve said that we shouldn’t come but we had already bought the tickets and I wanted to come and see this again.”

Oh... oh shit. Right. You had done that, hadn’t you? Before you and Steve had even started this whole thing, you had been bugging him to come see it with you. Robin had come and done it once with you earlier at the end of Summer, but Steve hadn’t been able to make it. 

In a sea of lingerie, leather, and sequins, Steve stood out like a sore thumb in his yellow sweater and tall hair. For once, he looked like the odd one out. Robin had always had a slightly edgier style, and with her sharpied black nails and chain necklaces, she fit right in. 

You were going to give Steve so much shit for it later. 

“Look, I didn’t expect us to actually come out tonight until Robin called and demanded I pick her up.” Steve said, apologetically. 

“I see what’s going on.” Eddie spoke up, looking between the three of you. “Mom and Dad are here to chaperone your first date.” 

You threw your head back and cackled at the joke, laughing unabashedly. 

“Steve’s the single mom with six kids.” Robin said. “But I’m not Dad, I’m more like the cool weird aunt.” 

“‘Why am I always the mom?!” Steve demanded. 

“Because you have six kids, Steve, keep up.” you pointed out. “But we all know Dustin’s your favorite.” 

“I’m telling Wheeler.” Eddie chimed in. 

“I’m not the mom, I’m the babysitter!” 

“You literally gave Max lunch money two weeks ago.”

“That doesn’t mean-”

“Oh look! They’re starting to tag the Virgins!” You suddenly said excitedly. 

Steve and Eddie stopped and stared at you, as your eyes darted to the two cast members that you had seen earlier. Whatever they had been bitching about was now put aside, and they were now walking around, each holding a bright red tube of lipstick. They had approached some guy and drew a giant V on their forehead. 

“Right, I didn’t really tell you about this.” you explained. “So at each showing, if you’ve never seen the movie in theaters you’re called a ‘virgin’. So, there’s a bit of a hazing ritual for newcomers. They call it the Virgin Sacrifice here. Basically, they draw a V on your forehead, and then before the show starts they’ll have the Virgins come up on stage, do some sort of dare or task, and then the movie starts.”

“How bad is it?” Steve asked as Robin grabbed his arm and started dragging him to the cast members. 

“It’s usually not that bad.” You said. “When I was a Virgin Sacrifice a few years ago they had me ‘Pledge Allegiance to the Lips’ and taught me how to do the Time Warp on stage while the sprayed me with silly string.” 

“When I went they had all of us blow up a bunch of red balloons and then hit them with thumb tacks when they were still in our mouths.” Robin laughed. “They called it ‘The Great Cherry Popping’.”

“Oh my God, I remember that one guy had crazy lung capacity and blew up like, ten in a row!” you cackled. 

“What do you think they’ll have us do?” Eddie asked, and for a second your brain froze as you felt his hand wrap around yours as you started to approach the cast members. You could feel the metal of his rings, warmed by his skin, pressing into yours. 

“They always mix it up every month so it’s hard to say.” you said. “But they always go crazy for the Virgin Sacrifices on Halloween.” 

“Got a fresh Virgin for you!” Robin says, shoving Steve in front of the Columbia actress who looked Steve up and down as if she were going to eat him. 

“Aww, a cute little Virgin just for me?!” she squealed. “You shouldn’t have! Come here, Big Boy.”

Steve didn’t have much time to react as a large V was placed on his forehead with the lipstick. He didn’t seem to mind, however, when Columbia leaned over and gave him a big kiss on the cheek, leaving a large lipstick stain. 

“You know, maybe I’m seeing the appeal of this.” He said as you pushed Eddie up next. 

“A two for one deal for ya, Columbia!” you said proudly. 

“Two?!” Her eyes lit up, and you could tell that she was having the time of her life. “Is it my birthday?!” 

She looked at Eddie and pushed his bangs back as she drew the V on his forehead and gave him a smooch on the cheek as well. You could already tell what Steve was thinking when he looked at you. Probably something like It’s not normal to let another girl kiss your date or something like that. And okay, fine, you were planning on wiping the lipstick off of Eddie’s face before you went in for the kiss tonight, but you didn’t see any reason to be jealous. You knew exactly what was going to happen tonight. Hell, when you first came you ended the night with three different lipstick marksI Really, Steve and Eddie were getting stiffed tonight. Besides, Eddie hadn’t given you any reason to not trust him, and why start anything if you didn’t trust a guy?

“His name is Eddie.” you offered up and Steve gave you another look that you translated to Are you wing manning your own date?! You ignored it. 

“What a coincidence! My boyfriend’s name is Eddie!” Columbia said excitedly. “You two even have the same leather jacket! Do you also ride a motorcycle?”

To your delight, Eddie didn’t miss a beat. “Not yet, but I might one day. Just a van for now.”

“Ohh, I bet a lot of fun happens in the back of your van.” she winked, and you could see a slight blush spread across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “You should come join me and my Eddie for dinner next week, we’re having Meat Loaf!” 

You and Robin burst into a fit of giggles at the joke, as Eddie and Steve made eye contact for a moment and just shrugged at each other. Columbia gave Robin a wink and sauntered off to another group with their own Virgin to sacrifice.

With your Virgins freshly marked, snacks in hand,  and the doors to the theater opening, you parted ways with Steve and Robin as they made their way to the front row and you made your way to the back with Eddie. 

“The back row has my favorite call and response.” you explained as the two of you made your way to an open pair of seats. “And there are a lot of lines that are standard with every show, but if you can think of a good one, don’t even hesitate. Just call it out, okay? I’ll also warn you when people are about to start throwing things.”

“So, this is a bad movie where we are encouraged to yell and throw things?” Eddie asked, a wide grin on his face. “And where we sit depends on what we say?”

“Yes, it’s complete chaos.” you said. “I love it. Every show is always a little different because of the audience participation. Keeps it fresh, you know? Also, if you sit in the back you won’t get popcorn on your hair.” 

“Jeff dumped a bucket of popcorn in my hair once.” Eddie said. “It took me a week to get all the kernels out.”

“How the hell did that happen?!��

“I was sitting down, he was walking over with popcorn to bribe me for some roll, and then there was popcorn and butter everywhere.”

“I take it you didn’t give him the advantage he wanted?” you giggled. 

“No, he desiccated a snack in front of the Dungeon Master. He’s lucky I didn’t kill his character off when that happened.”

“The more I hear you talk about Hellfire, the more I wish I had been able to join in school.” you sighed. “You always sound like you have so much fun.”

“You... sometimes I do run some one-shots.” Eddie said, messing with one of his rings. “I haven’t done a game for beginners in a while but I could get the others to suck it up and run one for you.”

A warmth burned in your cheeks and you smiled at him. “Really? You’d run a game for me just so I could play?”

“Oh yeah, but just so you know, your movie isn’t the only thing that has its own hazing ritual.” Eddie smiled at you. “I tend to go extra hard on new players, just to make sure that they’re really up for the challenge of being in Hellfire.” 

You can go extra hard on me. You just barely managed to keep that as an inside thought with the way he was looking at you with those intense doe eyes. You definitely didn’t miss the subtle way his eyes darted to your lips for just a split second. 

Oh, you were so going to kiss him tonight. Not yet, not right now. If you went in for the kiss now, you just knew that you wouldn’t want to stop kissing him. And as much as you wouldn’t mind that, you also really wanted to share this experience with him. 

“So, is that a Hellfire thing, or a you thing?” you asked. “Did any former Dungeon Masters have hazing rituals, or are you just that sadistic?” 

“Chris didn’t need to haze anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.” Eddie said. “Hard to haze new players if he never let anyone new play.”

“Touche.” 

“He was actually in the theater program the last semester he was with Hellfire.” Eddie said suddenly, as if he had just remembered. “He got roped into doing backstage work for the Spring play and ran Hellfire into the ground. He’d always change the schedule of when we could meet up, and then get pissed with everyone when he couldn’t keep up.”

“I heard that doing tech for the shows is always a lot of work.” you said. “But it really sucks that he got pissed.”

“He ended up fully quitting Hellfire halfway through the semester, and that’s when I took over.” Eddie explained. “I had already been running the club anyway, but that just made it more official.” 

The lights in the theater flickered on and off, signaling the start of the show. 

“They’ll probably call you up to be part of the Virgin Sacrifice.” you said. “If you want to back out, no judgment. Your hair covers your shame, so you could probably duck out”

“I’ll do it.” Eddie said. “It’s only fair, if I run a one-shot for you and refuse to go easy on you, the least I can do is get on stage for your interest.” 

Had anyone ever shown this much interest in something you cared about? Robin had come with you before, and Steve had to be dragged here but this felt different somehow. Shit, the more you talked to him, the more you were tempted to ask him to leave the theater right now and show you the back of his van. 

“You know, I really always wanted to be part of the shadow cast.” you explained. “I’d love to be on stage as Columbia or Janet, hell I’d even love to be Riff Raff.”

“You want to be on stage in your underwear once a month?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. 

“It looks fun, but they never have auditions. It’s a pretty tight community, so you really have to know someone to get in. The most I’ve been able to do is sign up for clean up duty after the show. They give you tickets to the next show if you do that.”

The house lights went down, and you waited for the stage lights to come on and for the cast to come up and introduce the show and start the Virgin Sacrifice. The idea of seeing Steve and Eddie up there made you so giddy, and you couldn’t wait to tell Eddie more about the cast. 

But the stage lights never came on. Instead the movie just went and started and soon a bright red pair of lips were on screen, singing to everyone. 

They were skipping the Virgin Sacrifice? You had been going to this show for years and they never skipped the Virgin Sacrifice. And on Halloween? What was going on?

You were disappointed, but there was no use letting it ruin your evening. You shook it off and focused on singing along and teaching Eddie the important things to shout and when. How could you be too disappointed when Eddie was having so much fun? He was a natural, and witty and was quick to pick up on the jokes. 

It helped even more that he was still holding your hand. 

But something felt off during the whole show. There were a few members of the cast that you didn’t recognize, and they were giving a less than stellar performance. Choreography was wrong, the lip syncing was off, and Janet’s bra and slip were too... sexy. You also felt the man with the long sandy hair playing Rocky would have better been suited for Riff Raff.

Whoever coordinated this show, didn’t do a very good job. You felt bad that Steve and Eddie’s first time at the show wasn’t the best, especially after you had talked it up so much. 

If Eddie noticed the lackluster performance, he didn’t say anything. Maybe you were being too nitpicky, he was having a blast after all. Eddie was cracking jokes, and his voice carried through the theater so well even the front row fuck the front row! could hear him. 

As the credits rolled, and everyone made their way out to the lobby, you met back up with Steve and Robin. 

“That movie made even less sense than when you told us about it.” Steve said and you just shrugged. 

“I never said it made sense, I just said it was fun.” 

“I wouldn’t mind coming back.” Eddie said. “I wonder if they’d consider a live band to go with the stage actors.” 

You had to stop yourself from dropping down to your knees. One knee or two, you hadn’t decided yet. 

Robin yawned and you caught a glimpse of a lipstick mark on her jaw. You made a note to ask about that later. “If I’m out any later, my parents are gonna kill me. I still have school in the morning.” 

“Alright, let’s get you home.” Steve said. “See you two around.” His eyes darted down to where your hand and Eddie’s were still clasped together before pushing Robin out of the lobby and towards the parking lot. 

You and Eddie followed behind, but didn’t head straight for your cars. The two of you moved to stand below the yellow lighting of the yellow marquis. You watched as Eddie leaned against the brick wall and lit a cigarette, blowing smoke that disappeared under the clear sky. 

Under this lighting, you had a familiar feeling. There was something in the back of your mind, like a picture that was made of the same smoke coming from between his lips. Every time you reached out and almost had it, it disappeared in an instant. Something about the way he looked right now gave you a faint memory of being nervous, but not in a bad way. 

“That might be the first time I’ve ever felt normal.” Eddie said, looking at you. “I didn’t realize how many freaks there really were in Indiana.” 

“There are freaks and weirdos everywhere, if you know where to look.” you said. Eddie pocketed his lighter and took another drag. “Most people hide it though. I’m glad you don’t.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s nice to see someone really being themselves in this town. You’re a breath of fresh air.” you looked out at the street, watching as people got in their cars and drove out of the parking lot. You caught a glimpse of the Columbia, only catching her by her hair and make up as she rushed out of the theater towards the parking lot. “I... even if this doesn’t go anywhere, I like you.” you admitted. “I want to keep being friends.”

Eddie frowned and faced you. He had dropped your hand to light his cigarette, and you noticed his hand move towards yours before stopping and falling back to his side. 

“Is this your way of letting me down easy?” he asked, and your heart broke seeing the confusion in his big brown doe eyes. 

“No!” you said quickly. “No, not even a little. No. I want to see you again. A lot.” 

Eddie’s face relaxed and this time he did take your hand. He dropped his cigarette and snuffed out the butt with his sneaker. You took the hint and moved closer to him as well. 

“You like me?” he asked, and you liked the way his dimples showed when he smiled. 

That was the high sign. You didn’t even care that he still had a lipstick mark on his cheek, when all you could focus on were those warm brown eyes. You started to lean in, and you felt Eddie’s free hand move to your arm and up towards your shoulder. When he got close enough to count his unfairly long eyelashes, you closed your eyes-

“Eddie? Eddie Munson?”

Reality snapped back into place as you two heard a voice. You looked at Eddie’s face first, and there was an intense look in his eyes. His hand fell from your arm, while you tried to decipher what his expression meant. 

You turned around to see who he was looking at, ready to kill whoever had interrupted the moment. 

You hadn’t recognized him on stage as Rocky. The man's long sandy hair was now tied back and his overgrown fringe still fell into his gray eyes. He had filled out since high school, and he wasn’t wearing that stony scowl that had been his staple all through the years you’d seen him. 

“Chris Morrison?!”

ALSO I think I might have run out of blogs to tag? It won't let me tag anymore blogs for the tag list but you can also find this story on AO3 and sub there as well!

Next Chapter

a/n: This chapter turned out way longer than expected and I still didn't fit everything into it! I had a whole other scene planned out, but that just means I have the motivation to start on the next part!

Dividers by @strangergraphics

Tag List: @k8loo @terrormonster55 @sp1dyb0y1008 @crocwork-clockodile @ali-r3n @mxcheese @josephquinnschesthair @gagasbee @peaches-roses-sins @witchwolflea @vintagehellfire @royale1803 @cumslutforaemond @prestinalove @browneyedgirl320 @perpetualmessmachine @thebook-hobbit @mistonk @cultish-corner @grishaversecaptivated @sortagaysortahigh @halialex1119 @bakugouswhOr3 @siriuslysmoking @pookiesnatcher @sky-full-0f-fl0wers @takemetoneverlandbabe @killjoynotes @maelibo @themunsonator5000 @wheels-of-despair @woodlandsubshrub @ghcstpyre @pedroschka

[jouliejihan]

𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑶𝑵 𝑨𝑰𝑹! - hueningkai × fem reader

𝑺𝒀𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑺𝑰𝑺: When Y/N and her eccentric friends decide to host the 'Love On Air' podcast, they think they can heal the heartaches of all HYBE Uni students.  But when love begins to bubble up behind the scenes, Y/N finds herself at the center of a messed up love triangle. While she tries to save broken hearts, a shy student, Hueningkai, does everything to win her heart. With clumsy dating advice, accidental encounters and a chaotic podcast, will love triumph or end up in a hilarious mess?

"Tune in with us guys, cause Love is On Air!"

TAGLIST (open, send ask or comment to be added) @full-sunnies @unh0ly-dr3am3r @enhacolor @mackjestic @beabeanice @fairy-of-sugar

previous • masterlist • next

3 - Alberta beef n' Ginger beer trio

WARNING: mention of alcoholic beverages, readers, drink in moderation

A/N: how abt this easter egg? Thanks to @amakumos 's amazing series, Love On Air was born! Thanks baby! Keep going with your masterpieces!

meanwhile...

It was a cold, starry night when Jay parked the car in front of Incheon Airport. _____ felt a mixture of anxiety and joy as she prepared to be reunited with her friends, Jake and Lily, who she had spent time with in Australia.

A few years ago, when she was 16, she decided to go on an exchange to Brisbane, in celebration of her birthday. It was a new adventure in an unfamiliar place, but she was looking forward to exploring and meeting new people.

It was during this journey that he met Jake, a charming and funny boy who studied at the same exchange school. From their first meeting, they forged a special connection, sharing laughs, stories and unforgettable moments together.

As their friendship grew, she began to feel something deeper for him. His captivating smile, his sense of humor and his kindness won her heart. However, there was a hitch: Jake was dating Lily, another Australian student from Marysville, who was also spending her holidays in Brisbane.

Though she felt a small twinge of sadness knowing this, she knew that Jake's happiness was important to her. She decided that she would do her best to support her friend and help him find happiness with Lily.

With that in mind, ______ started planning a cute and romantic date for the couple. She carefully chose the location, a quiet beach with a stunning view of the sunset, and prepared a picnic basket filled with the lovebirds' favorite treats on the sand.

On the day of the date, she was nervous, but her determination to see her friends happy was stronger. She took Jake down to the beach he excited but disappointed to see her friend leave so early she asked:

"Leaving so soon? Stay here with me for a bit"

"Sorry, Jake, I gotta… she stuttered. "Work in some things at the dorm. Have fun, okay?

As the couple enjoyed their romantic picnic, she watched from afar, feeling mixed emotions. She saw them laughing, talking and sharing special moments. Although her heart yearned to be in Lily's shoes, she was grateful to have the opportunity to be a part of their happiness, even if it was in a different way.

At the end of the date, she joined them, her eyes were teary but overflowing with genuine joy.

"I hope you enjoyed my little surprise!" _______ smiled

"Are you kidding?! This is beautiful! Thank you! But how do you…?

"I know you Jake! The connection you share with each other is unique and special. This is what I feel iny heart."

Lily also expressed her gratitude and hugged her.

"You're a wonderful girl. Thanks for helping us create such special memories."

Despite the unrequited feelings, she felt a deep joy at having contributed to her friends' happiness. The friendship between them strengthened even more that day, but unfortunately, it did not last as _____ imagined. On the last day of their exchange, Jake passed by her room in the dorm and saw her packing her bags and was in shock.

"What… what's all this?!?!"

"Unfortunately my time here is over. In a little while I'll be heading back home."

"Oh no, you won't! Not now, not like this! Come here!"

⊹⊱•••《 💗 》•••⊰⊹

The long-awaited farewell day in Brisbane arrived. Jake and Lily wanted to make sure their friend had a memorable send-off before catching the flight back home. They decided to take her to an amusement park, where they could enjoy an afternoon filled with emotions and laughter.

________ felt nostalgic as she walked through the streets of Brisbane towards the park. She was grateful to have met Jake and Lily, who had made her exchange experience even more special.

At the amusement park, the trio of friends boarded roller coasters, spun on Ferris wheels and challenged their nerves on thrilling rides. Laughter and squeals of joy echoed through the air as they enjoyed themselves like there was no tomorrow.

In the midst of the fun, they stopped at a game stand, where Jake got her a stuffed dolphin. It was an affectionate gesture that represented the friendship they shared.

"Jake… no need!" ______ smiled putting her hand in front of her mouth

"But you deserve it! A special little gift for our very special friend!"

She hugged the dolphin tenderly, feeling the emotion overflow in her heart.

"Thanks. I will keep this little creature with a lot of love. It'll always remind me of the amazing times we had here.!

The afternoon at the amusement park was filled with joy and fellowship. As the sun began to set, they walked back to the car, sharing smiles and memories of their time together.

The time has come to say goodbye. Jake and Lily accompanied her to Brisbane Airport, where warm hugs and words of gratitude were exchanged.

"Jake, Lily, thank you for everything. You guys made my experience here unforgettable. Gonna miss you guys a lot."

"We'll miss you too, _____" Jake hugged stroking his long, straight auburn strands

"But we promise to never forget everything you've done for us." Now it was Lily's turn to hug her friend and then she released her, watching her go down the departure corridor. "Have a safe trip home, friend!"

"Take care!" Jake yelled waving at her

As she walked away, she looked back to see Jake and Lily waving with smiles full of affection and longing.

At Brisbane Airport, she _____ boarded the plane, taking with her not only the memories of her stay in Brisbane, but also the knowledge that true friendship transcends borders and miles. She knew they would always hold a special place in her heart, wherever she wanted them to be.

But what she didn't know was that it wouldn't be the last time they would see them. Long before they met, he was famous for his travel vlogs with Lily, among his loyal followers was Park Jongseong, who he kept in touch with on Twitter, Instagram, KakaoTalk and other platforms.

When mentioning his friend in one of his videos, Jay was surprised by the fact that both share the same friendship and have similar tastes, even if they are distant, the two enjoyed each other's company and imagined the day when they would meet in person. Now, 5 years later, this dream is about to come true.

As they waited in the arrivals area, anticipation rose in her. She imagined all the stories and experiences Jake and Lily would have to share. The longing was palpable, and her heart beat faster as the moment neared.

Finally, the doors opened, revealing Jake and Lily, who emerged with beaming smiles on their faces. _______ rushed towards them, their arms wrapping around each other in a tight, warm hug.

"Jake-ah! Lily-ah! I miss you guys!"

"Noona, how good it is to see you again! I already missed those warm hugs!"

"You guys are so dramatic!" she rolled her eyes and smirked "But it feels great to be here!"

As they walked towards the car, the conversation began to flow. There, Jake and Lily share their adventures, telling funny and heartwarming stories about their time on their travels.

"So Jake, tell me, what's the big news?"

Jake smiled, showing a glint of excitement in his eyes.

"I enrolled at HU! Starting tomorrow I'll be your Engineering classmate!"

______ was surprised and overjoyed at the news. She could barely contain the joy that spread throughout her body.

"Really?! This is amazing! I can't wait for us to be classmates. We're going to spend such great time together!"

As they celebrated the news, Lily became a little quieter beside them. She knew her path would take them in different directions.

"Unfortunately, I enrolled at the JYP Institute. My Marine Biology course will be there."

"So it looks like that's the end of our Alberta Beef and Ginger Beer trio, does it?" he scratched the back of his head

"Yeah, it is, but I promise I'll support you both no matter where we go in the future." the Canadian wistfully stated

"Pinky swear, noona?"

"Is this serious, unnie?" protested Lily

"C'mon! Do it with us!" the oldest asked

Then the three crossed their pinkies and sealed the promise to never forget the friendship they cultivated 5 years ago.

And a while later, they arrived at HYBE Uni's dorm. With the lights in the university parking lot still on, Jay could see through the window of his car some students leaving, others returning.

"Are you coming, noona?" questioned Jay

"Not yet. Me and Lily need some time alone, so, Jake, mind going ahead?"

"Of course not. Hyung, can you help me with the bags?"

"No problem!"

From the moment the Australian set foot in Seoul, the Canadian noticed that she was distant and quiet. Lily was never the type of woman to pretend to be shy or stay silent for no reason, she knew there was something wrong with her friend and as soon as the two got out of the car, she set out to find out, asking:

"Lily-ah, are you okay?"

"Unnie, do you have some time for some love advice?"

"I always have, so go ahead, pour your heart out to me."

"You see, Jake and I broke up before we moved here and…"

"Really?! But you were so happy together!"

"I know! But lately I didn't feel that euphoria anymore. And it seems that Jake feels the same way."

"Was it because of me?"

"No! You were an angel bringing us together! It's my fault that my feelings are changing and I don't know how to deal with it."

"When you live with someone for a long time, you learn about yourself and your feelings towards them, I don't understand what you fear so much."

"Regret. I'm afraid my feelings for him will grow back over time and I'll take drastic action when it's too late and he'll hate me for it. What do you suggest I do?"

"Did you guys talk about this before the move?"

"We do."

"So, there's nothing to fear! As this was a recent breakup, it's normal for you to miss the moments shared together, besides, it's not because you're not in love with Jake anymore that you don't love him! If he makes you happy and he feels the same, you can still be friends."

The Australian was trying her best not to break down in front of her friend, but when the Canadian woman smiled and placed her hand on her shoulder, she couldn't contain the lump in her throat and the tears streaming down her face, so she pulled it closer for a hug.

"I don't deserve a friend like you, unnie!"

"You're so pretty and wonderful, Lily. You certainly deserve to be treated like a princess, which I know you are."

"Thanks." _______ wiped Lily's tears with her thumb "Promise not to tell my story on your podcast? I don't want people hustling about my love life."

"Promise. Want Jay to give you a ride to your dorm?"

"Won't he mind?"

"I don't know, but I'll ask him anyway."

"Thanks."

As she wandered through the halls, she pulled out her cell phone and found a photo of the trio in her gallery, in one of the most chaotic moments in Australia.

On a Friday night, Lily and Jake decided to take ________ out for a fun night out at a local bar in Brisbane. It was a perfect opportunity to relax, unwind and create more memories together.

Sitting at a table, _______ was excited to try something new. As the waiter approached, she glanced at the menu and, intrigued, decided to order a bottle of ginger beer.

"Come on, guys! I want to see what it feels like to drink ginger beer. It should be interesting!"

Jake and Lily exchanged amused glances and agreed to try it too. Soon, the bottles were poured, and they toasted, ready to enjoy the night.

As the night wore on and she drank her third glass of ginger ale, she began to feel the brew's effect.

"Ahn, guys. I think I'm starting to get a little dizzy. I didn't know this beer was this strong!"

"Careful, _____, this drink can be tricky." Jake mocked

"But look on the bright side! You're starting to have fun!" Lily added

Suddenly music started playing in the bar, _______ recognized it immediately and started jumping up and down laughing out of nowhere.

"Is it Seventeen's Adore U? Man, I love this song!"

Why are you keeping a front?

I don’t know, I don’t know what will happen

Without hesitation, she got up from the table and started dancing and singing excitedly in the middle of the bar, attracting the attention of everyone around her.

So what I mean is, I want to know all of you

I’ll sing you, you-hoo, I’ll sing you, you-hoo

Even if my lips are dry, I need to say this baby

I adore you, I adore you, enough to get dizzy

Adore you!

Jake and Lily joined in on the fun, laughing and cheering as she let loose on the makeshift dance floor.

The funny and adorable scene continued as she expressed her joy and excitement through music. People around were amused by their spontaneous performance, and soon the whole bar was clapping and singing along.

After a while, _______ came down to the table, out of breath, but with a huge smile on his face.

"Who knew that innocent little face of yours guarded a k-pop star, huh?" Lily teased

"Oh, don't say that! That was humiliating!" _____ covered her red face with her hands

"What do you mean? It was fun! But take it easy next time we go out, okay?"

"Alright Jake!"

It was then that he had a brilliant idea. He spotted a man sitting at a nearby table with a cell phone in hand. He approached the men and asked kindly:

"Sorry to bother you sir, but could you take a picture of the three of us?"

The man smiled and readily accepted. The trio stood together, grimacing and laughing as the old man captured the image.

With a smile on their faces, they huged each other, making funny poses and enjoying the moment of true friendship.

After the photo, they thanked the lord and returned to the table, still laughing at the situation.

The night continued with more laughs, stories and unforgettable moments shared among the friends. She learned that some unusual choices can lead to moments of pure fun and special memories.

That night in that bar in Brisbane will remain in her memories as a moment when friendship strengthened and joy overflowed.

A/N: So the first couple our little angel got a together, was with her best friend who she had a crush on, and her first love advice was about their breakup...

[askaceattorney]

Dear youngbounty,

Co-Mod: I didn’t see any clones, but thanks!

Dear BDC,

Co-Mod: That idea sounds interesting, but unfortunately, I don’t know enough about Dangronpa to be able to pull that off.  I can see if the other mods do, but I can’t promise anything more than that.

I agree with you about the Proto Badger, though.  I hate him more than Dr. Eggman hates “that hedgehog.”  Sadly, it looks like we’re stuck with him for now.  Why couldn’t you have taken him with you, the Mod?

Dear MB,

Co-Mod: I’m glad (and impressed) that you were able to free yourself in such a creative way, but it’s all good.  I used to do the same sort of mockery with submitters’ letters before someone pointed out its potential rudeness, since some of them don’t speak English as their first language, so I've got no room to complain.  In fact, I’m a big stickler about getting my spelling and grammar correct, so please feel free to point out any errors you find.

Dear Anonymous,

Co-Mod: Which ones, specifically?  I know that some of the ones from the Court Record are glitchy (and I failed to inform the new moderator about that), but I haven’t noticed anything unusual in any of the letters.  Show me an example, and I’ll see what can be done about it.

(Previous Letter)

(Link in Letter)

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Vera: That’s a good point! I must have missed that Easter egg. I was also originally going to make a joke about Ga’ran needing wigs for herself, but decided to keep it to something closer to canon.

For real, though, with Maya, Iris, Inga, Ga’ran and now Dhurke, it’s really convenient for spirit channeling disguises that so many people in this world have long black hair!

(Previous Post)

Dear AnthonyDeadman,

Co-Mod: I don’t know if I used this sprite before, but it captures how I feel perfectly, so I’m going with it:

Wait, not that one.  This one:

Actually, they’re both pretty accurate.

This letter means a lot to me, not just because I love knowing that my work and dedication have paid off in some way, but because I’ve been going through some serious struggles lately (more on that in a later post).  Being part of a blog that brings fun characters from an fun video game series to life has been awesome enough, and watching it grow into something bigger than it was has been even more awesome, but being able to provide some much-needed opportunities to laugh, smile, and escape from reality during a time of sorrow, fear, and uncertainty has been nothing short of a blessing for me.  Not to mention it’s helped me to enjoy life in new ways, so thanks for that, Capcom.

What I really appreciate, though, is you and so many others wishing me the best for the future.  It just so happens that the future has been one of my biggest fears for a long time, so hearing this kind of support, even from people I don’t know, is precisely what I need right now.  Allow me to offer my heartfelt thanks for it, and to wish each and everyone one of you the same.  The world needs people who can withstand any sort of circumstance right now, so don’t give any less than your best!

Stay gold yourself, pal.

(Previous Post)

Dear mungeondaster,

Mod Vera: Aw, thank you so much! I’m really happy to be here, and to have Co-Mod help me learn the ropes. I also love Vera! Her appearance is brief, but I do love the withdrawn artist trope, especially with a Pearl-level ignorance of the outside world.

Plus her design is just so dang good! Almost as if she drew herself.

(Previous Letter)

Dear ajanisapprentice,

Mod Vera: Ahahaha, twas I who thought of that! I count that as my first report card as the new Mod!

(Previous Letter)

Dear mungeondaster,

Mod Vera: Oh, you know Nick relied on Maya’s budding big sister energy while he was figuring out single fatherhood. As Maya would say, he’s hopeless without her.

Though my personal favorite new headcanon is Pearls helping Gumshoe win Maggey’s heart. (I still need that fanfiction to happen!)

(The Previous Posts)

Dear yuesworld,

Co-Mod: It’s great to hear from you again!  Dang, it’s hard to believe your first letter was sent 2 years ago.  (As if turning 30 didn’t make me feel old already...)

I both appreciate and admire your dedication toward translating the letters we’ve answered here.  I hope you’re able to continue doing so in one way or another, but even if you aren’t, I’m still glad you’ve been so willing to share our character portrayals with a broader audience.  In fact, we might even have you to thank for part of our increased follower count, so thanks just in case!

I’m glad you enjoyed the essays, too.  I honestly hadn’t considered the possibility that I’d have to write some of those myself after the Mod left, but I’ve had some fun with them, and I hope they helped to make the characters they were about more enjoyable, or at least more interesting.  I’m still planning to finish the remaining requests after my departure, by the way.  Hopefully I’ll be able to post them a little more frequently than before.

I’m happy to report that I’ve been staying healthy and well (although I feel like I keep dodging bullets with people around me getting infected), and I hope the same can be said for you and for everyone else reading this.  I won’t lie, things have been tougher than usual for practically every human being lately, even aside from the pandemic.  Thankfully, we have someone who’s all too familiar with trials and tribulations to provide us with a helpful reminder:

That’s Phoenix speaking, by the way, in case you forgot.

In other words, this too shall pass, as the Persian adage goes.  In the meantime, stay healthy yourself, and thanks for the reminder that we’re not alone in these challenges.

Dear AnthonyDeadman,

Mod Vera: Thank you so much! I’ve also been a fan of this blog for years, for almost as long as I’ve wanted to be a writer! It’s such a weird elated feeling, to go from being a fan of something to working on it. I almost feel like those people starting their first day at Pixar or something!

Mod Kristoph: Thanks for the kind response! I’ll be sure to get some letters in there when I get the chance!

Mod Paups: Thank you!

(Previous Letter)

(Video in Letter)

Dear BDC,

Co-Mod: Me too, except I’d add a few more “nope”s.

Mod Vera: Hahah, same. But I’ve have politeness so ingrained into my being, I’d probably throw in a few “no thanks” just to be safe.

-The Mods

[astyle-alex]

[FANFIC - Destiel & JayTim] 

Multiverse Mishap | DCU Bat Family x Supernatural

Fandom: DCU Bat Family x Supernatrual Pairings: Destiel, Jay x Tim Rating: Teen Warnings: Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Heavy Angst (with a happy ending), Implied Underage Prostitution Total Word Count: ~156k | SPN vers = 76k / Bat vers = 80k

Summary:

One slip up in the lab has Tim Drake careening into a new world where things are rather dramatically different from the world he’s used to. Fortunately, this is not his first rodeo. He knows how to handle this nonsense, more or less at least. Unfortunately, the people of the world he’s wound up in see things a little differently. And when Dick Grayson and Jason Todd mount an ill-conceived rescue mission, things get complicated very quickly.

When Team Free Will is at their lowest (well, their lowest as of YET, at least) with Castiel missing (and probably human), they get thrown a lifeline. Charlie calls with a lead on a strange young-man who bears a stunning resemblance to their MIA angel. Even with the world on a precipice around them, Sam and Dean won’t leave their angel out to dry—Dean especially has a few missteps he’d like to make up for… If only he could find some way to get through to one hella conked out Angel of the Lord.

This project started as a distraction and got WAY out of hand, but I’m actually really excited about it. I’ll be posting it as two separate stories on Ao3 (one form the Bat Family PoV and one from the SPN family PoV, both of which will be updating HERE...) with new chapters going up weekly, but only one chapter from each version.

As excited as I am about it, my schedule is currently in shambles because I got an opportunity to get the COVID Vaccine and it’s thrown my whole schedule into utter chaos. I’m hopeful that I’ll get back on track soon, but I can’t guarantee when I’ll be able to post here or on Ao3.

Since I can schedule posts on Patreon, that updating schedule will be much more definitively regular. The second chapters of each version are already available to Patrons and should open up to all viewers by Monday!

- Multiverse Mishap | SPN Vers - Chapter 2 

- Multiverse Mishap | SPN Vers - Chapter 3

&

- Multiverse Mishap | Bat Vers - Chapter 2

Read the first chapter of the SPN version below (with Charlie playing a super spy and getting Sam & Dean a lead on a maybe-Castiel / maybe-alien-infiltrator) and I hope you all have a fabulous Easter Weekend (whether or not you celebrate religiously, you gotta admit the season-exclusive candy is pretty dang great!)! ^_~

           A bit of fiddling, that’s all it was.

           Well, that’s all it was supposed to be.

           A device that plays with space-time and the very weave of whatever it was that spanned the gap between dimensions?

           How could anyone just let something like that gather dust in an archive?

           It functioned how it was meant to, it was only that what it was meant to do was cause harm… If they just tweaked it a bit, just a little, gave it an anchor point and limited the scale of possibilities… If they yanked down the juice that kept it powered to a more moderated level…

           It could save lives.

           So… fiddling.

           Just a bit, here and there and on weekends when there wasn’t anything big going on.

           The stupid thing wasn’t even turned on most of the time.

           It was inert and dead as fricken paperweight (which honestly is what the fiddler in question had mostly been using it for)…

           And then… it wasn’t.

           One button, a loose screw, the slip of a paperclip…

           A big flash of blinding light.

           Silence, like the absolute nothing right before the tidal wave hits.

           And in that silence, a tiny, over-caffeinated little voice:

“… Oops…”

_     _     _

Chapter 1 – MIA Angel or Alien Infiltrator?

           Charlie Bradbury knows she’s awesome.

           But there’s the standard awesome that any Queen of Moondoor is simply by nature of being epic enough to have achieved the throne to start with...

           And then there’s the awesome that is having created a automated dark web trawling  program to track the world’s Big Weirds (and only the very BIGGEST of the Big Weirds) and having that super secret extra level deep vault program actually work.

           Well, of course it worked, but it like worked.

           It found an Angel.

           Sorta.

           It found a something.

           And an MIA angel, who was not exactly an angel anymore, but also couldn’t really pass as truly human, and who was still on like every watchlist ever (magical, criminal, meme-spirational, etc), but is somehow still entirely off the fricken radar?

           Yeah. BIG Weird.

           Said angel-not-angel popping up at a Biggerson’s in Ohio with no shoes, more money than god, an insane caffeine tolerance and absolutely no idea how to function inside a Walmart?

           HELLA Big Weird.

           So Charlie, being the awesome Queen that she is (and being acutely aware of what false hope here could do to the people in particular question with this) went to check it out herself.

           Personally.

           And, personally, she can say that this kid is the weirdest thing she’s ever seen, and after having day-tripped out to the literal Land of Oz a few times over… well, that’s sayin’ something.

           Charlie’s met Castiel.

           Not exactly her type, but she could see how that divine slice of puppy in a trench coat could be seen as something of a serious snack.

           Though… If he weren’t an angel, she’d swear he was an alien.

           But, like, a cool alien.

           Much less spy-trained infiltrator than innocent human-admirer who wants to experience the local flavor on his little vacation out to the Milky Way’s most interesting backwater, Sol-3.

           And the kid she finds in Ohio… is not that guy.

           Not really.

           For starters, she’s not entirely sure he’s old enough to drink alcohol.

           And he’s… not looking for Sam and Dean ( which is seriously a BIG red flag for deciding whether this particular angel-not-angel is the right angel-not-angel).

           He is looking for something, though.

           Something he seems to think is in Kansas, near-ish enough to the Bunker’s coordinates to make her question the ‘not looking for Sam and Dean thing’ (but the absolute dinosaur of a smartphone he’s working on to pull up maps could totally just call the bunker, if he wanted to… or any of the plethora of emergency numbers the Boys have set up…).

           Charlie’s looking on from a Very Inconspicuous post in the booth two tables away from the kid in the red hoodie and she can feel his frustration with the device radiating off him like physical Force pulses. Fortunately, proto-Sith this kid is not, and all the tables remain table-y.

           She’s watching him fight with the internet to find something and his device’s crappy security means she didn’t even have to work hard to get her own screen to show what’s happening on his. He’s definitely looking at Kansas, at going to Kansas— Lebanon in particular.

           Messy black hair, big blue eyes, grumpy face to rival any Netscape feline…

           Looking for Lebanon and totally out of sync with humanity…

           And… his oversized red hoodie just happens to have the 2-D rendering of a big black pair of wings stitched into its backside— stemming right from where they should on the kid’s shoulder blades if the wings were real.

           Charlie’s not really gullible enough to believe in signs from God anymore…

           But if she were… well, that would be pretty convincingly Divine Sign-like.

           So, she makes the call.

           Sam picks up on the third ring.

           “So, you know how like the main character always has dramatically weird colored hair and sits in the second to last desk by the window?”

           With a heavy sigh filled with enough affection to make Charlie’s insides feel all squiggly and warm, Sam says, “No, Charlie, I have absolutely no idea.”

           “Well, they do.”

           “Okay. And?”

           “They are Narrative Significant, they stick out from the background in like a big way, but not just in like a ‘doing main character things’ kinda way,” Charlie rambles, trying to find her point buried under the spiraling metaphor.

           “Charlie, do you know what time it is?”

           “Uh, 2, maybe, 3am. I think. But that may have been like three coffees ago,” Charlie prattles off automatically before veering back on track, “Anyway. The point is that I think I found a main character. He’s not the character I thought he should be, though. He doesn’t look right. He’s too young. And no trench coat. But he is hella out of sync… and the blue eyes and black hair and everything else…”

           There’s a pause as Sam’s non-caffeinated brain tries to keep up with Charlie’s infodump.

           “Trench coat?”

           “I think I found him, Sam,” Charlie whispers. “I think I found Castiel. Well, I found someone weird enough to maybe be Castiel, in the Castiel kind of way, and he’s looking for a way to get to Lebanon, so…”

           Much more alert, Sam asks, “Where are you?”

           “Ohio. Quaint little place called Granville,” Charlie reports. “It’s a pretty straight shot to the Bunker, but it’s like 14 hours on the road and I’m not sure the gods of caffeine consumption will really be cool with me pushing their bounty that hard…”

           “Don’t try too hard to get him to go anywhere with you, see if you can just offer to pay for a motel room for the night,” Sam instructs, the sounds of a pack being prepped with one hand clanging about in the background. “We’ll be in Granville before noon.”

           “What if he really wants to head out?”

           “Take it slow and text us when you get gas, we’ll meet you in Indianapolis.”

           He’s using ‘Serious Sam’ voice.

           It’s the voice that makes panicking bunny rabbits being chased by wendigos settle down for half a second so Dean can frickin torch those ghost-y cannibal creepers.

           Only, in this case, the wendigos aren’t cannibal forest ghosts chomping down on campers. This time, the Big Bad that Dean is unequivocally about to destroy is approximately 909 miles of US Highway 36.

           It makes Charlie feel a little bit better about nearly everything that’s wrong.

           She hangs up with Sam after promising to keep the updates coming, and looks back at the kid who could be Castiel.

           Only to find him looking back.

           For a minute, she’s worried that he heard her talking to Sam about him.

           But he seems kinda zonked.

           And he doesn’t look upset or embarrassed or angry, so…

           She is the only other person on this side of the Biggerson’s, (and really she’s the only non-staff member in this Biggerson’s all told besides the kid himself), so it’s really not that strange for her to be the dust mote in motion that’s wound up drawing the kid’s eye.

           He’s not really expressing anything.

           He’s just looking.

           It’s weird.

           Whelp, he’s got that creepy unblinking stare down pat, bird-like head-tip and all.

           The kind of stare that’s not angry or judgmental but feels more clinical than anything else, like he’s seeing through the bones and skin and sinew to the soul that’s underneath.

           Dissecting it and diagnosing it…

           It makes her shiver.

           But she plasters on a smile and says, “Hey. You wanna refill?”

           The kid looks down at his empty coffee cup.

           He blinks, real slow like.

           Then he nods.

           Relief floods Charlie.

           Step One, making with the contact with the Target. Check.

           In her experience that’s usually been the hardest part of these things.

           Not that she really has much experience in ‘these things’…

           But still, Score 1 for the Queen, yeah?

           She signals to a waitress for two more cups of coffee, shots of espresso boosting both of them. It’s like a weird AU of a sleezy bar beat, a remixed mark meets con-woman kinda thing.

           “So, kid, what’s your name?”

           “Shouldn’t you tell me yours first?”

           Charlie shrugs. “Well, generally yeah, that is the convention. But I like being unconventional, I guess.”

           Really, it’s that she hasn’t quite decided what name to give him.

           He blinks expectantly, head tipping over again.

           Realizing that she’s already giving up ground in this pseudo-battle of wills and whatnot, Charlie sighs heavily and says, “I’m Charlie, Charlie Bradbury. Geek extraordinaire.”

           The kid nods, visibly internalizing the information.

           Trying really hard not to be perturbed by that, Charlie barrels on to say, “I see that tablet of yours is gone a bit wonky. You looking for something in Kansas? I might be able to fix your tech or find what you’re looking for with mine.”

           “My tablet…” With big owl eyes, the kid glances down at the piece of crap barely smart enough to call a screen and gives a plaintive little huff. “It is… insufficient.”

           Charlie gives a laugh that only sounds two-thirds forced and says, “Understatement, buddy. You’re grand at it.”

           The kid simply frowns.

           “So,” she says, drum-rolling her fingers on the plastic tabletop as she leans into the leading questions. “Tell me what’s your name and what you’re looking for in Kansas and we’ll see if I can work my magic, huh?”

           The kid’s eyes narrow suspiciously on the word ‘magic’, but he gives no other reaction.

           For a solid minute, easy, they just kinda sit there.

           And then the kid downs a full cup of espresso-boosted coffee like it’s a bottle of watered down Gatorade and flashes Charlie the stiffest stretch of smile she’s ever seen on any face that still looks mostly-human.

           “My name’s Alvin,” he tells her with all the bland panache of a used car salesman. “Alvin Draper. And honestly? I’m looking for a hole in the universe.”

           Charlie almost bursts out laughing.

           The kid— Alvin— spots the reaction. He glowers, quite impressively, to be honest.

           “Well, Alvin, that’s the fakest fake-name I’ve ever heard, but I think I can help with the ‘hole in the universe’ thing,” she tells him.

           Alvin’s frowning again, it’s adorable and endearing in ways it really shouldn’t be.

           “One problem, though,” she lays out. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific about which hole in the universe or tear in the fabric of reality your talking about.”

           Taken entirely aback, Alvin huffs, “Is it a commonplace occurrence to have your universe ripped open, then?”

           “Well, not exactly. It’s more like our universe is the knit-scarf version of a life-raft,” Charlie explains, wheezing a bit as the metaphor sinks perfectly into a crack she didn’t quite realize she still needed to find a way to fill. “Things here aren’t… Well, uh, how many apocalypses have you fended off this week?”

           “You’re really just gonna roll with the implicit declaration that I’m from another universe and you’re not going to question my sanity?”

           Alvin looks like he’s suddenly questioning her sanity.

           For a beat, Charlie feels insulted.

           But really, his reaction is the more logical one.

           Maybe Charlie should start trying to talk to more normies here soon, she’s totally lost touch with what constitutes a ‘reasonable reaction to weird shit’.

           “Whelp, I’m not a Time Lord or anything,” she confesses, “but I’ve had enough contact with the Supernatural to know how to spot someone who’s brushed up against something ugly in the dark and is kinda freaking out about it. You fit the bill, Alvin.”

           The kid rolls his eyes.

           It could be an angel-learned-it-from-Dean thing, it really could be.

           The weight of the sarcasm is just that strong.

           “Fine, yes. ‘Alvin’ is not my real name,” he admits.

           Then he casts a wicked smile her way that almost makes her rethink the ‘learned it from Dean’ idea, because this is… creepy in an almost Demon kinda way… in an almost Leviathan way. The grin is so unnerving that Charlie almost misses his next words:

           “But you know, I’m pretty damn sure that ‘Charlie’ isn’t yours.”

           “Yeah? Well, darn. Ya got me,” she breathes, trying to make herself remember that the Leviathan are gone, that she didn’t even see Cas when he was one of them.

           In any other circumstance, Charlie would be reaching for the Borax.

           But this angel-not-angel (and maybe-but-probably-not-demon-or-leviathan) kid whose name is definitely not Alvin, notices her sudden stiffness.

           Immediately, he softens.

           “Hey, what happened? You okay?”

           Charlie shrugs. “You wouldn’t happen to be allergic to a certain 19th century boron-containing sodium compound, would ya?”

           “Sodium borate? Like Borax? Can’t say I am,” the kid assures. “Any particular reason?”

           “Uh, the word ‘Leviathan’ mean anything to you? Like specific, human-livestock-eating, double-tongued with lots of teeth lizard-men people-imitators specific? ‘Cause you just really reminded me of one there. And like I had a friend go Darkside… well, a lotta my friends have actually gone Darkside, but there was one and he… he’s missing still and well, bad things happen to my friends when they go missing.”

           “Like apocalypses?”

           “Yeah, kinda.”

           “Really? Literal apocalypses? How exactly literal?”

           “Um, pick a holy book at random? We’ve probably hit most of them by now,” Charlie admits, with a discomfited shrug as she vaguely wonders how she ended up on this side of the metaphorical interrogation table. “I think the first one was the Judeo-Christian one, they took things pretty literal. Michael-Lucifer prize fight and all…”

           “Okay…” the kid says, finally sounding a little thrown, “but you stopped that one?”

           “Yeah,” she tells him.

           “So where are you now?”

           “Somewhere between God’s little sister throwing a world-ending temper tantrum and you know a Luci-spawn antichrist accidentally poof-ing up new laws of physics?”

           “Sounds plausible,” the kid tells her, his tone both entirely accepting of it as the gospel truth and sounding like he thinks she’s totally bonkers.

           “No, it really doesn’t,” Charlie sighs. “Doesn’t change the fact it’s true. But enough about me and my world-ending escapades. How about your hole in the universe?”

           “That’s the thing… See, I don’t remember.”

           “What?”

           “I don’t remember how I got here, I just remember that I don’t belong,” the kid confesses, sounding a lot more like he’s being honest than before. “I’m not supposed to be here, but I can’t explain what might be able to bring me back.”

           “So, Lebanon, Kansas?”

           “Has a safehouse I remember, or I think I do,” he lays out. “And it has a power source I think I need. And…”

           “And..?”

           Charlie’s hoping for something about the people waiting for him there, something about the ‘profound bond’ doing something to clue him in.

           She can’t tell if this is just a spell or something, or if it’s a consequence of having Fallen, regained Angel status, and then seemingly kicked it again in the fastest repeat of the cycle yet.

           “I dunno,” he sighs. “I just have to be there.”

           Well, it’s not what she was hoping for.

           But it’s still closer than she thought she’d get…

           So, she’s still not 100% certain this kid is a whammied Castiel.

           But she’s definitely like 85% certain, maybe 87%.

           And in Winchester World? That there’s some pretty damn good lookin’ odds. So, Charlie will take what she can get and will roll with the rest.

           Sam and Dean will be here in a few more hours. All she has to do ‘till then is keep this kid in arm’s reach and keep them both from being buckled up for the looney bin.

           Sounds totally doable, right?

           In retrospect, Charlie may have to adjust her definition of ‘doable’…

_     _     _

Keep up with everything I’m getting up to HERE!

Have a great week!

[dansnaturepictures]

16/04/2021-Orange Tip and more at Lakeside and photos at home: Five pictures in this photoset are different to those I tweeted tonight which are the first three, seventh and tenth in this photoset 

I took the first three pictures in this photoset as I went on my last lunch time Lakeside walk before a week’s annual leave next week, replacing what would have been our Pembrokeshire holiday which due to the pandemic we have now postponed until next year and we are hoping to do some special day trips with restrictions eased enough to allow, I am hoping the week can be as good as recent patches of annual leave/bank holidays, my week off in January and the similar week off instead of a postponed Welsh holiday in June last year when everything had unlocked enough to allow some further afield day trips including to surrounding counties. 

I wanted another look at the snake’s-head fritillaries as I may not necessarily come to Lakeside during the week off and may not be walking here until 26th April, so I think these smashing flowers may have ended or thereabouts by that point. So I did this by scouting out groups of them I had not yet seen in my best ever year of them here this year a flower I am loving so much here over the last few years as I walked to the far east of the southern fenced off nature reserve area and walked in a path that takes you right along the fence from the back of trees and along. Here I stumbled across indeed a group I had not seen yet this year, including the one in the fourth picture in this photoset it was beautiful to take lots of them in but this as a single flower stood out most to me I had a lot of great moments taking in single flowers today including daisy and dandelion. The fritillaries are such succulent looking flowers. I then indulged as the sun was in and out a little again but shining very brightly when out in some landscapes using this as a great vantage point across the nature reserve and taking in some beautiful sweeping views from this area I took the fifth picture in this photoset of a fantastic green looking view a big theme of my week. The green continued as I loved seeing some more lichen in this area this year I enjoyed it in the winter especially one day which I took the sixth picture in this photoset of today. I then took the seventh picture in this photoset of one of the group of snake’s-head fritillaries I discovered towards the end of last week. I took this with my big lens, the closeup one before was with my macro. This was not before I tried a shot I wanted to and perhaps rarely for me I suppose had in my head to try out with the snake’s-head fritillaries with my general lens, a landscape shot with the beautiful flowers in the foreground and I sat on the now quite dry floor you know its spring when that happens as this can be one of the wettest parts of the country park in winter with the mud and bog. I was quite pleased with how this came out and I tweeted on Dans_Pictures the photo I took. 

It was another pre-planned photo as I moved on out the gate and towards beach lake, the eighth picture in this photoset. This is because as I said I’m taking part on a Facebook group I’m in, in a themed Facebook challenge this week where each day its a different letter to post photos on the theme of and over the week it spells out April. Having managed to think of an A, P, R and I some more challenging than others I knew L was the easiest letter for me as my day would involve a walk at Lakeside. I went very literal for that and wanted a picture of one of the lakes today, which I have managed at various points all week too, and I got it with this one. This was a beautiful scene and I loved taking in the water birds as I walked through the lake area and over the bridge again, such as Lesser Black-backed Gulls with one of them having a spat with one of the many Black-headed Gulls as things get a bit territorial which is interesting and two of the Great Crested Grebes. As I tweeted a picture of I got very close to a Greylag Goose as I got over the bridge a brilliant photo opportunity. 

I then decided I wanted to go through a hidden little area in the trees where there is a high seat to take me into the woods and along the woodland path as planned for my route today. As the drumming of a Great Spotted Woodpecker which was fantastic to hear at Lakeside again after a couple of weeks ago was enticing me into the woodland, I was wondering whether if I finished work early enough I would do an evening walk tonight. One of my key targets for the last couple of weeks at Lakeside has been an Orange Tip butterfly the all important spring species for me so an evening walk would be one last chance before going on leave to try and see this one of my favourite butterflies here. I hadn’t seen any butterflies today by that point as the sun just started to settle on being out for a long period. I was thrilled to see one I fully expected to in the woods a Speckled Wood fly back into the nice little area with a bench where I had seen my first Comma of the year near on my last patch of annual leave. A nice memory of packed minutes on last Friday’s walk where I saw my first Speckled Woods of the year. As I watched it I was over the moon to see a white butterfly and instantly I knew it was a male Orange Tip and then I saw it fly around a bit battling with the Speckled Wood a little which I always love seeing with butterflies. I made out its ice lolly tip to pure white majority wings and was so happy to see this butterfly. I said when I saw my first of 2018 that they make me feel in love with life and I could hardly contain my excitement for this moment in 2021 which is one of my real favourite moments in any spring seeing my first Orange Tip of the year. This butterfly took my year list to eight competing well with how many I had seen on this date in 2019 and 2020 my top two butterfly year list totals I am pleased with this. I spent a fantastic few minutes enjoying this butterfly and didn’t feel the need to come back tonight as I had achieved my latest wildlife goal on lunch time walks. 

The Orange Tip then landed and closed its wings, and I with my big lens on at this point took a safety shot. But then I was stunned as I managed to get my macro lens on and edge gently closer to it and take a picture with it! An Orange Tip is a butterfly that so rarely stops so any kind of picture of one and at any stage in their year is brilliant. But to get one with my macro where you do have to get quite close to it and it has to stay still for a long time at the start of the season where normally not much lands with temperatures moderate so not as many warm sun basking opportunities so they can be flighty. Obviously it could have been newly emerged which would account for more stillness too which is amazing if so. I felt an interesting rush of adrenaline as I limbered up to the nettle it had settled on and took the picture with my macro which showed how I was so intoxicated by wildlife it really made me stupidly happy as so many moments have this year for wildlife. 

What I hadn’t realised until recording the year tick and checking my past lists is today is ten years to the day since I first ever saw an Orange Tip it was along the River Itchen which felt fantastic. What a way to celebrate this day. On Monday I made a big thing about it being ten years since I saw my first Cuckoo and I had overlooked for years the magnitude of seeing both my first Cuckoo and Orange Tip ever in that short space of time over that glorious Easter holidays when I was still at school where so much else happened for me that fortnight as both became one of my favourite species being added to those lists in the years not so long after. Orange Tip is a butterfly I find so immaculate and so beautiful with the males and their stunning bright colour scheme which gives them the name and the female’s intricate and bold markings. This species sybolises the hope and passion of a blooming spring and they just provide you with a moment of splendour every time you are lucky enough to see one. They are one of nature’s finest works of art and one of Britain’s best species and key riverine species. I took these butterflies to my heart very quickly over the last decade where I have been so lucky to be able to see them so much and it is something I look forward to every year the Orange Tips coming out. I walked along to the monks brook halt steam railway platform entrance and along the northern path which I would take home I spotted a Brimstone flying and also more white butterflies I didn’t get to see what they were but they could have been female Orange Tips along the part of the park I learnt last year that they are here and something that can be seen. This was the first time ever that Lakeside was the place I ticked Orange Tip as we snuck a female in the river Itchen and males and females at Stoke Park Wood before the first Lakeside one on lockdown daily exercise walks last year. Of the eight butterflies I’ve seen this year six have been for the first time at Lakeside now and I am so proud once more of how I have used this wonderful local country park to get my butterfly season really well underway with a variety of species. Lakeside did dominate the location field of my butterfly year list last year with working from home and everything there are some species I tend to see at Lakeside first anyway as I really awoke to the fact of knowing there was so much on my doorstep and I’m glad I’ve done it again so far. 

On the way home I took a third planned picture which I tweeted as I photographed a patch of blossom and greenery just outside the park as it goes towards the bridge to the new development and road which is a nicely shaped bush and I noticed it shine in the dark on my Wednesday evening walk. I remember photographing this one last year too on a lunch time walk and its interesting its flaired up nicely again around this time of year. 

At home this afternoon I took as I tweeted a nice range of landscape and sky out the window and wildlife photos, including Rex the Feral Pigeon we have nicknamed who as well as his partner Violet was around a lot today which was great. I was also transfixed just before sunset by a large group of Starlings on the green out the front among the daisies and dandelions which looked really pretty as I processed my photos from today I just loved watching them. I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset of these. I hope you all have a nice weekend. 

Wildlife Sightings Summary: My first of one of my favourite butterflies the Orange Tip this year, one of my favourite birds the Great Crested Grebe, Brimstone, Speckled Wood, Mallard, Moorhen, Greylag Goose, Lesser Black-backed Gull, Black-headed Gull, Magpie, Jackdaw, Starlings with a brilliant view of some with food at times too along the northern path at Lakeside at lunch time too likely the same group as on the green, House Sparrow, Great Tit well at Lakeside in the hidden little bit, Woodpigeon, Collared Dove, Feral Pigeon, Robin and I heard both of the woodpeckers two of my favourite birds the Green and Great Spotted Woodpecker. 

[fuwafuwamedb]

Easter Eggs (Anon Kiddos)

“Do you want me to tell you where all the Easter eggs are hidden?”

“NO!”

Gula agreed fully with the others. Vasu didn’t need to tell them where the eggs were. They were having a great time finding them without cheating with the computer monitor and recognition software that the other had been talking about.

Utu and Alec were tearing up the lounge area, joined soon enough by Enkidumaru. Those three were chaos, joined quickly by their parents who were trying to get them to look without destroying all of Chaldea.

It was a challenge, but they had insisted that they’d manage.

Ur was more than happy to hold Meryatum’s basket for her, listening- or perhaps going tone deaf- from the pharaoh singing praises to himself by complimenting Ur’s noble holding. The boy seemed to sometimes get like that, she’d noticed.

She almost felt bad, but she’d seen her brother many times before in the library, fixing flower crowns and quietly holding Meryatum’s hand when no one was looking.

The twins, all of them, had been relegated to the large meeting rooms, since those were built stronger and they all seemed to enjoy coming up with reasons to cause chaos. She’d noticed her father, Gilgamesh, and that other Caster had worked on the doors for a while.

“Gula!”

Gula glanced towards a couple of the other children here.

“Do you want to join us? Kama and I are going to look for eggs in the north side of the facility?” Illisa told her.

“No, thank you.”

She didn’t want to run off too far from the others. She also didn’t want to find all the eggs and ruin the fun for the others. Finding a few was good enough.

In fact, glancing down at her basket, it felt like maybe she had enough already.

Maybe it was best to go find a peaceful place to enjoy the chocolates in her eggs.

Right.

Turning away, she gave a small wave to her older brother and headed down the hall, turning here and there. She turned, looking back after one particular hallway, almost expecting company.

Yet, there was no one.

Further she went, opening the doors to the greenhouse and stepping into the vast space.

The best place in all of Chaldea was in the gardens. She liked finding a nice corner near one of the built in ponds and watching the fish while she enjoyed a good tablet or soaked up some sunshine. Today would be enjoying a little of that sunlight that was pouring down into the room.

First though…

“Mr. Hassan? Is that you?”

She turned back, glancing into the hallway.

“Mr. Hassan? My ummum and abum told you that you were scary to me. Can you please leave me be?”

Nothing.

Maybe it is just my imagination.

She hurried anyway, ducking behind some of the trees and following the covered up path to where her relaxing spot was. She flopped happily onto the little mound of earth, letting her slippers come off and her hair come loose from its ponytail.

A rustling came.

She jolted.

“…Gula? The hunt isn’t over yet.”

“Amun,” she should have guessed. There was only one who would follow her so far from the others. Only one who would dare not to speak up when she was calling into the hallways.

The young pharaoh moved over to her side, sliding two baskets next to hers.  

“I found us more eggs,” he told her.

“You found yourself more. I have plenty.”

“But you could have more than plenty,” the boy pointed out. The goal of the game is to find as many as possible!”

“Yes, but my Abum said that collecting too much of something leads to excess and greed. One should collect with purpose!” Her fathers had been quite adamant about teaching them all on this subject, after which he had opened the gates and showed them several of the things he’d acquired over time.

“My purpose is to eat all the chocolates!”

“You can’t eat all the chocolates,” Gula told him.

“I will! Watch!”

She groaned as the boy began to open his eggs and eat the chocolates.

What a fool.

He would end up having really bad bathroom visits and would feel like he was in great pain before this day was done. Knowing this fool, he would eat so much that he’d ruin the midday meal and the evening meal as well, being sent straight to bed.

Although… that would mean that he didn’t bother her today.

The boy laughed as he continued to eat the chocolates.

I shouldn’t stop him…

It would teach him a lesson about being someone to make decisions. One couldn’t be rash when it came to how to partake in things. Moderation and discipline were important…

“I like your hair down,” Amun told her.

“Hmm?”

“Your hair is always really pretty, Gula, but I like it down. We get to see more of the color when it’s down and it reminds me of liquid chocolates.”

Her hands went to her hair, brushing a hand through it.

It wasn’t the gold color like her siblings though. She wanted that gold color that all her siblings had. Instead, she’d been given the average color-

“A good sign for the pharaohs has always been a good hair color like yours,” he told her, beaming more as he paused from his chocolate consumption. “My father said when he saw my mother, the first thing that caught his attention was how there were sparks of other color in her brown hair as the rays from Ra himself shone down upon her. I see the same thing right now. There’s reds and golds in there, see?”

He reached forward, holding up her hair a little.

Ah… This kid…

She covered her face a little, trying to calm her heated face.

“Ah, so pretty!” Amun cooed.

“You’re too much, Amun.”

“I am a pharaoh! Pharaohs are the embodiment of gods! We are supposed to be ‘too much’! It means that we are living our lives well!”

She needed to leave soon, but the boy was opening another egg.

“Amun… Don’t eat too many.”

“Hmm?” He glanced over at her as he shoved another couple chocolate pieces into his mouth. “Why?”

Damn…

She had told herself not to bother… but…

She pulled her hair into her hands a little, averting her gaze.

“Because then you won’t have any to eat with me tomorrow or the next day.”

The boy blinked.

His eyes went to his baskets a moment before he looked at her again.

“…I’ll eat one a day then!”

He set his baskets a little ways away, wrapping his arms around her to give her one of those overly large hugs of his that squeezed the goodness out of her.

“One a day, every day! That’ll last until the next holiday, won’t it? We can sit together all the time! You are my future lady, after all!”

The laugh had her groaning.

She was so done with this kid.

-

A ways away, on the other side of the building, a young girl brushed her hair back, looking to the sets of twins around her. 

“Boom time.”

“Hastie!!!” The Mordred twins cheered happily at their younger sibling, pulling Arammu and Siduri back as the fuse was lit. 

They rushed back to their well made bunker a moment before the door was exploding open in a series of molten metal. The servants outside the room squawked loudly, pulling the fire alarms and grabbing the extinguishers. 

They were gonna find all the eggs, the five had agreed. As soon as the extinguishers were stopping, they were gonna run with their baskets and collect all the eggs. The eggs were the currency of this event, after all. 

Yes, time for the hunt. 

[uk-news-talking-politics]

Coronavirus is political. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

By Alex Andreou

'Please do not politicise this pandemic'. It's the rallying cry of the clueless. There is nothing about this pandemic that is not political. This is a health emergency imploding inside a vacuum of ideals. A disease transmitted by populist rhetoric, compounded by strongman posturing. An existential threat born of a series of geopolitical choices.

It is quaintly traditional for opinion writers to find, in national emergencies, undeniable confirmation of what they have long advocated. Looking across news media, this virus appears to simultaneously confirm that we were right to leave the EU and wrong to leave it, that capitalism works as does socialism, that Boris Johnson is hopeless and also Churchill. Let me buck this trend by telling you how wrong I was.

Had you asked me a few months ago, which of my two homes - the UK or Greece - would I rather be stuck in during a hypothetical pandemic, I would have answered the UK without a moment’s thought. It would have been a no-brainer. The small, chaotic, disorganised, barely-out-of-financial-crisis nation of my birth versus the economic giant and paragon of efficiency that is my current home, fabled for its people’s affinity for calm adherence to the rules?

But I have watched in horror the dithering, inefficient, muddled way in which the UK government has handled this and the self-centred reaction of some parts of the British public.

'Are you an epidemiologist?' challenge the same trolls who, for years, have been telling us they've had enough of experts. Well, no. I'm not an epidemiologist. But I don’t need to be, in order to understand the science and make a judgment on the political choices that flowed from it.

It has been obvious to me, closely following the news in both countries, that the messaging in the UK has been vague, contradictory, even flippant at times. Nonsense about herd immunity and 'taking it on the chin', were replaced by half-hearted suggestions to wash your hands while singing, then, eventually, the urging of people to stay home. Unless they can't. The UK is still not in full lockdown.

A comparison of the timelines of infection and victims in both countries, side by side with the measures they imposed is hair-raising.

The UK had its first cases on January 31st and its first death on March 5th. It took another seven days for the risk level to be raised from moderate to high. In Greece, the first cases were reported on February 26th. The very next day a popular festival attended by around 70,000 people, the Carnival of Patra, was cancelled and a huge PR campaign began. On March 4th, social distancing measures were announced and TV spots and daily press briefings began. On March 10th, schools and universities were closed. By contrast, the UK government at that point allowed the Cheltenham Festival to go ahead - an event which attracts more than a quarter of a million visitors.

On March 13th, all bars, restaurants, cafes, museums, sports facilities and shopping centres were closed in Greece. On the 16th all non-essential shops and public buildings closed. Greece had four dead by that point. Partial school closures did not happen in the UK until March 18th. Pubs, restaurants, clubs and gyms were not closed until the 20th - disastrously announced ahead of time, so everyone could go out for a last pint. By this point, the UK had 3,983 confirmed cases and 177 victims.

The UK still has not gone into a true full lockdown of the sort Greece implemented ten days ago. In the last 14 days, the rate of increase in new confirmed cases in Greece averages nine per cent. In the UK that figure is just under 18%.

This doesn't mean things in Greece cannot still go to pot. People are beginning to relax, dangerously, to eye up possible Easter outings and gatherings. The health system here is incredibly rickety and could be easily overwhelmed. The remoteness which has protected many of the islands, could be their undoing, if the virus spreads there. But, at this stage, I can honestly say: so far, so good. And I cannot say the same, looking at the UK's measures. It has been consistently behind the curve.

Not to mention the procurement fiasco which has resulted in NHS workers having inadequate protective equipment. Not to mention the lack of testing in the UK - the thing the World Health Organisation said was the most key weapon against this virus from the start. Not to mention the joke of a government response to every challenge - 'we are ramping up efforts'. It is the equivalent of a teenager's 'okay, Mum, OKAY I'M DOING IT'.

Even down to the very basic misconceived idea of having a different minister do the briefing almost every evening, at a time when all good sense would dictate people need the stability of a constant point of reference.

So, no, I don't have to be an epidemiologist to know the UK has cocked up its response to this, in every conceivable way. And, no, I will not stop criticising the government for it. Because, without criticism from millions of people, clubs and pubs might still be open today and our health system overwhelmed. And, no, I will not stop 'politicising' this crisis. Because it is profoundly political. It is the consequence of a particular class of politician, who feels entitled to rule, without ever questioning whether he is capable of ruling.

There is no aspect of the political debate this virus does not challenge. Can a truly free market exist? Should the state be atrophied or muscular? Is an economy in the service of human happiness or the other way around? Can self-interest and common good be reconciled? Does the welfare system provide adequate support? Is paid work what forces us to be productive or does it take advantage of an innate need? What are the advantages of isolationism versus globalism? Who are the real key workers in our society? What is the role of expertise? Do we have the right work-life balance? Can we consume less to save the planet?

It seems to me that anyone calling for such a crisis not to be 'politicised' is just nervous about examining the answers they have given to these questions. The danger is that this will go the way of the gun debate in the US. Every time there is a mass shooting, there is a seamless transition from 'now is not the time to talk about it' to 'people just want to move on from talking about it'.

This crisis is political. If we ignore that, we waste the chance to review the choices that brought us where we are, and we compound the tragedy and loss of life.

[lowesteemforeveryoneelse]

Rocko’s post-modern life

Rocko’s modern life has recently gotten its long awaited special and I will be talking about what I though about it and if this special brought about possibilities of a future for Rocko. Let it be noted I have not watched all of the original Rocko but I have seen enough to know all the main cast and get most of the Easter eggs and references to the old show made in the special.

To those who don’t the basis of the original Rocko let me break it down. Rocko the wallaby hangs out in the 1990s or modern times as it was when the show first aired, the name seem sort of outdated now I guess I know how all the huge Nintendo fans will feel about new super Mario in 20 years. Along with Rocko we have his two friends Heffer and Filburt. With his two friend Rocko esentillay goes through pretty normal real life stuff with some zany twist to it such as doctor visits, going on vacation, getting a job at a sex hotline, and having his neighbor’s wife trying to seduce him, yeah that all happens. One the things that made Rocko most memorable was attempt to break boundaries besides from the simpsons Rocko was the show people watched if they wanted animation not just for kids. Most episodes of the show were edited after their first airing as Nickelodeon saw some of the stuff as to outrageous, although most jokes was left in. Even though Rocko only lasted 75 episodes it left a huge impact and honestly influenced a lot of future decision about what could and couldn’t be aloud on television, and its for this impact Rocko made is probably why there wa such a uproar for new episodes.

Although as of this being posted there are no signs on new episodes of Rocko being made Nickelodeon Decided to meet us in the middle and have us a special. The special takes place twenty years after the orignal show as Rocko and his friends were trapped in a rocket ship at the end of the series and at the start of the special have finally made it home in the modern day 2019. Almost instantly after arriving Rocko, Heffer, and Flaubert explore this new modern world and also where they being a comical montage making fun of modern day things such as smartphones, Starbucks, and dc movies. Although the montage is short it’s probably for the best as the rest of the special focuses on bigger modern concepts. One of these concepts in ironically about show revivals and reboots. The main conflict of the special is that even though everyone else is grown to love this new century Rocko is having trouble to adjust and thus just want to watch his favorite show, the fat head, until he realizes that it has been canceled he then decided to look for the creator Ralph Bighead, aka his neighbors Mr and Mrs Bigheads son. Multiple time throughout the special it pokes fun at how fans can be so percistant about reviving a show they loved and all how negative they can be when some changes have been made.

One of the other modern day issues the special tackles is gender identity. Once finally finding Ralph Bighead Rocko and his friends are exited to finally get their show back but Ralph first needs to reveal to them something, that he is no longer Ralph and is instead Rachel. Although the trio seem confused they all seem happy that Rachel has found her identity but it is shown later that Rachel’s father think differently. This special easily shows how different the view of generations can be as the younger people often except new ideas much better then older people. Although Mr. Bighead finally excepts Rachel as he only cares that she is happy it is not always like this in real life, people are stubborn and would often time stay the same then accept someone for who they want to be.

In end Rocko gets his special he also saves the town and finally accept the changes that have happened since he was gone but is this the final end for Rocko. Ever since watching I have contemplated whether or not Rocko really need anymore continuation. If they were to do a continuation it would need to be on Netflix just as the special was, I think Nickelodeon realized that not many of there moder veiwers would be interested in watching a revival of a show that came out before they were born and that many of there old viewer don’t watch Nickelodeon anymore and this might not learn about the new series. Along with being easy access for old fans it would also allow the writer’s more freedom on what they can put in the show. Honestly I could take or leave a Rocko revival series, I could see it as being just as good as the original series but who know maybe 75 episodes and 1 special was just enough for Rocko. Who knows maybe that was enough

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Sunday Work Out.

Master list.

You bury yourself further into the comfort of the duvet that has kept you warm for most the night. You can feel it inching further away from your body, only indicating one thing; Harry is ready to start his day. 

You two are at opposite ends of the spectrum, he is an early riser even on his days off and you absolutely despise mornings. You feel the corner of your mouth become touched with a sweet kiss before the duvet is further extracted from your grasps, “morning, it’s time to get up, it is Easter.” Harry’s voice is soft as he kisses you again and falls back to his side of the bed, “come on, up we get, we aren't gettin' younger.” He encourages and you feel the bed spring as he gets up, your own hands reaching for the duvet and drawing it closer to you.

“No, I’m sleeping. Happy Easter... But, shhh,” you mumble lamentably, cuddling up to the comfort and warmth of the bed while you overhear Harry’s footsteps roaming the bedroom floor.

“I already let you sleep in, come on. You know today is our work out day. You’re burning sunlight,” he chimes with an exuberant voice while seizing clothes from the wardrobe.

He distinguishes it’s going to be tough to get you out of the warmth of the bed, he knew from the moment you didn’t greet him back with a morning kiss that you’d give him a run for his money.

You sigh as you feel the duvet being stretched from your grips and you let out a whine that is followed by Harry chuckling. “No, I quit. I don't like Sunday workouts.”

“Nope, I’m not married to a quitter. You made me make a deal with you to make you work out every day.” ... "Jus' because it is Easter doesn't mean we can slack, you're going to indulge in chocolate, come on."

“I’m sore,” you mutter pitifully, blinking your weary eyes over at him as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants.

He raises a brow as he clasps his hands to his hips while staring at you, studying you intently. “Where are you sore? No pain, no gain my darling.”

You heavily huff, very aware that Harry isn’t going to let you go back to sleep, even if he has to sit and talk to you until you finally give in.

You gingerly sit up and rub your eyes, “my back, you’re killing me.” You familiarize him as he throws a t-shirt over his gorgeous body.

“Come here and show me where.”

“My back.”

“Show me.” He commands and you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and force yourself up, managing to shuffle your way towards him. “Lower or upper back?”

“Lower,” you inform him and he caresses a kiss on your forehead before gesturing for you to turn around.

He touches his hand on your back and benevolently rubs it, feeling you instantly squirm when he finds your sore spot. “Tell ye’ What? If you get through today’s work out, I’ll personally give you a full body massage and a bubble bath...” Harry continues to rub small circles on the small of your back, benevolently doing his best to loosen the muscles that have tightened and are sore from yesterday’s work out. 

You turn around and glance up at him, still attempting to work your magic by giving him pouty lips and discouraged hypnotic grey eyes, “none o’ that pouty nonsense. I promise I won’t push ye’ too hard... I’ll even throw in a shirtless session.” He cheekily winks, doing his best to extract a smirk from your pouty lips. 

"I hope you know that you’ve ruined this entire holiday. Jus' wanted to sleep and stuff my face with chocolate and your Mum's cooking." 

"Uh-huh, you'll thank me later, love." Harry snickers, ignoring your whines and pouts.

***

When Harry said he wouldn’t push you too much, he was lying through his teeth. Instead of forcing you to do much that invested your back into the workout, he decided to make it a leg day.

Leg day with him is dreadful. “Harry, you said you’d go easy,” you breathe out as he watches you do step ups.

He shakes his head, “Never said such a thing,” You frown and glare over at him.

He can be such a cheeky, asshole when it comes to training you or others.

“Harry, you’re killing me.” He shakes his head, “Keep going, don’t quit.”

“Fuck you.” Harry delivers you that cheeky damn grin that he always presents you, “You can later, now finish the step ups.”

You roll your eyes at him, “it hurts," you huff, deep down knowing that Harry is just keeping to his side of the deal.

He wasn't to go easy on you even if you begged and pleaded.

He lifts his shoulders into a shrug, “I don’t feel a thing, babe.”

“Ass.”

“Ay, be nice... I already did my workout, slacker.” ...

You roll your eyes and pay attention to him as he circles around you while counting your steps. 

Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen...

For a moment you think nothing of him circling around you, he tends to make sure you’re just doing everything accurately.

There have been a few times you have attempted to half-ass things and take the shortcut while you thought he wasn't looking, so now he keeps quite the eye on you.

You continue to observe him through the mirror and notice his eyes lower as he passes behind you. 

You bite your lip and smirk to yourself. “Stop staring at my ass.”

“Like I can’t see you eyeing my body when I work out,” Harry scoffs as you stop for a minute to catch your breath and give your legs a break. “Okay, that’s enough,” he puts you out of your misery.

“You said we were going to fifty.”

“No,” he shakes his head, “breathe in,” Harry instructs as he caresses his hand to your Lower back, “and out slowly,” He instructs moderately, pressing down and rubbing where you feel the aching pain. 

You gasp slightly, "Harry, are you having some sympathy for me?" 

"Hey, I am not a complete asshole, I don't just watch you for your ass, I watch to see when you've had enough." ... "You're in pain, you've worked out enough. So, how 'bout that massage and bath?" He advances while continuing to massage your back.

"Why are you so nice to me?" You question, turning around and placing your hands on his shoulders. 

"Eh, I like ye' sometimes. But, if we don't get home and shower, we will be late to Mum's lunch." ... "And we will miss the adult Easter hunt." 

You chuckle to yourself, "that was fun last year." 

"Mhm, that is because you were tipsy, everything is fun to you when you are tipsy." 

"Oi, be nice, I kicked ass at the Easter hunt." You gently poke his chest before you lace your fingers with his. 

"You stumbled over your own feet and broke your only egg you found..." 

"Look, it was a rough hunt," you shrug, amused by the memory of last years hunt that may or may not have been too complicated for your tipsy self. 

[aussie-hermit]

Today I went and saw Universal's The Mummy, the first in a modern reboot of the Universal Monsters Series, with Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Russell Crowe and Annabelle Wallis.

When I first heard they were doing a modern take of the mummy I was ecstatic, and then I heard they were casting Tom Cruise as the lead and I was less so. 

I was worried they were going to try and remake the 1999 one (you know with Brendan Fraser) and they were going to botch it in an attempt for money grabbing. The very first mummy film - the 1932 black and white film with Boris Karloff - and the 1999 adventure film are the ones I treasure very deeply and you can’t meddle or try to rewrite these. No doubt their attempt to reboot the classics such as The Mummy, Frankenstein and other classics of the horror genre can only end in failure.

However, this film was solid - it has flaws don't get me wrong and there could have been things that could have been better written or done better but as the first rebooted classic monster film it was good.

I'll touch on what I liked and what I thought makes this film worth watching and what I didn't like before suggesting what I think might have made it even better.

And please be warned, SPOILERS BELOW

What I liked:

- They didn't mess with the classic Imhotep story but built from it The story of Imhotep's love for Anck-su-Namun is the driving force of the 1932 and the 1999 Mummy stories, so you can’t mess with this story. I was worried they would try to change it but instead they borrowed the concept of it which I loved. Ahmanet basically sells her soul to the Egyptian god Set for power after her half brother is born, essentially removing her as heir to the throne. She then kills her father, his son and mother. As she is about to bring Set into the world through a human sacrifice she is mummified alive and buried in a secret tomb - and seriously they had plenty of warning signs around that tomb that screamed 'DO NOT LET HER OUT!'. But of course when she is released, she has chosen Nick (Tom Cruise) as her 'Chosen One' who will be sacrificed to bring Set into the world and sets out on the war path to accomplish this. So it follows the same basic plot of the original mummy story but isn't rewriting it.

- They did some research I was ecstatic when I found out Ahmanet was the mummy, she's actually a deity in the Egyptian mythology so the fact they looked into the mythology for inspiration of who this mummy could be made me happy. And also there is a Crusader tomb - based off an actual crusade into Egypt in the 1100's I believe - which plays an important role in the story, especially since they stole and hid something crucial to the story.

And Set was not the god of death but of chaos and violence - this annoyed me but in the grand scheme of things....I will moderately ignore this. 

- Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet

Sofia Boutella! She was my main motivation to see this movie, and she did not let down! She was fantastic as Ahmanet. She was a beautiful, terrifying and powerful villain and I loved her!

- The effects The effects of the mummies was top notch, they looked like a real desiccated corpses and their movements were insanely creepy. This really brought an element of horror.

- Russell Crowe as Henry Jekyll Bit iffy about Russell's role in the film but he was perfect as Jekyll! He's sort of rounding up all these 'evil' things to study, contain and destroy them and he keeps medicating himself to stop him from turning into Mr Hyde, whom he also plays as really well. I'd really like a prequel that explores how he came into the position he's in, in this film and how he developed a medicine to keep his alter ego at bay.

- His dead mate comes back to haunt This reminded me of An American Werewolf in London and I wouldn't be surprised if that's where they got inspiration for it. So Nick's friend Chris (Jake Johnson from New Girl) gets bitten by a big ass spider in the tomb, which no one even considers looking at, and becomes a zombie who Nick ultimately kills. Cue post plane crash, and he begins to haunt Nick, sometimes just being a smart ass but more or less to help. He does get revived at the end but I wished they had more scenes of Chris being a little smart ass that only Nick could hear.

- The Easter Eggs Now when I noticed these I was bouncing in my seat, in this place where they're keeping all these 'evil' things you see a skull with vampire teeth and I noticed a preserved hand of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I need films of this ASAP. Also when Jenny is trying to save Nick from Hyde she hits the guard with a gold book, specifically the Book of Amun-Ra from the 1999 film. This means that the 1999 story exists within this universe and makes me monumentally happy. In the next installment I demand a cameo of Brendan Fraser as an old and tired Rick O'Connell. What I didn't like:

- Flat main characters Tom Cruise's character didn't have enough depth for me and I found him quite boring. He was a marine who looted stuff from sites he shouldn't have been at and sold them on the black market - that's pretty much his entire background I got. I didn't feel any sympathy for his character or that he had anything driving him. I liked Wallis' character Jenny more than Cruise's, she slapped Nick and didn't put up with any of his shit and she caught onto the fact that by removing Ahmanet's sarcophagus from the tomb was a terrible idea first. She was the only smart one! However this was all overshadowed by the fact that Jenny was only used as a plot device - he stole her map after a one night stand which led them to the tomb, she's the reason he won't join Ahmanet and when she's killed he only then willingly becomes a sacrifice to bring her back. If they had moved beyond this I think her character would have been stronger.

What I would improve:

This might annoy some people but I think if they had made either Nick or Jenny of Egyptian descent it would have given the characters and the story more depth.

Hear me out.

If Jenny was a Egyptian archaeologist she is then given a degree of motivation to protect historical and cultural artifacts of her ancestry. Also gives more tension between Jenny and Nick - he steals artifacts of significance to sell on the black market, not really any different than the British taking artifacts from Egypt. Bonus is if she's still not used as a plot device.

If Nick had Egyptian ancestry but was removed from the culture - say his mother is Egyptian but his father is American and/or raised in America where he is surrounded by modern American culture - would be interesting. Like maybe his grandmother told him stories and such and is his only real connection to Egypt but he still becomes a thief and sells artifacts on the black market. Throws it in Jenny's face that white people did it for years so she can stop acting high and mighty, or something similar.

Just by adding Egyptian ancestry maintains a connection to the Egyptian culture, not just through the mummy. Pretty much after the opening where they explain Ahmanet and leave the tomb having found her, I found a lack of connection to the Egyptian culture.

This is where the 1999 film did better, even though the main cast was primarily Caucasian they had significant connections to Egypt and the culture.

It also adds in tension outside the romantic option which in this film I felt was unnecessary, maybe if they had handled it differently I'd be fine with it.

These are just my opinions and thoughts, you can agree, disagree or whatever.

Overall it was a solid film, with some flaws and things that could have been done better but still entertaining and a good start for a reboot of the Universal Monsters.

I give it 6.5/7 out of 10

[ulyssesredux]

Nausicaa

Signs of rain gold hair threads and they were in big trouble-which is why they cancelled their big sister's word was law with the pimples on it in the Ormond damp. Made me feel things a ton weight.

The year returns. France. Look forward to being in Tampa this afternoon. Very interesting day! Obama just had her own arms that were me it would be Mrs Wylie and in the Syria attack. Turnberry. —Both with delegates & otherwise. She gazed out towards the shingle. Perhaps not to feel cold and clammy. We will all come together to make up their own use of reason, he supported Kasich & Marco Rubio. All quiet on Howth now. Same time might prefer a tie undone or something. Now if you have some more Chinese tea and jaspberry ram and when she was going to The Army-Navy Game was fantastic! I will be just good friends like a real NYC hero, but outside, criminals! She was glad that something told her once in dead secret and made her shy and often and often she thought and thought could she work a ruched teacosy with embroidered floral design for him too that knew it was a story as to why they come out at daggers drawn with Gerty the girl chums had of Martin Harvey, the Cuban/American people! The system is rigged-so what else is new? If Russia, Russian speech money to get this economy running again. He was but eleven months and nine, sir. Such a great rally tonight. Spoke to U.K.

But he was doing the hacking. Also glowworms, cyclists: lightingup time. She walked with a little heart worth its weight in gold. 77% of refugees. The DJT Foundation, unlike most foundations, never asked by me to win there-totally biased and phony ads, he. Can't allow lightweights to set up by the NYPD in protecting the people that I have such a complete fold. Just released that international gangs are all wanting tixs to the great sacrifice. Pubs do. Hm. Little piece of paper on the debate questions-she went there about the massive cost reductions I have been thankful for the veterans and the others to pry and pass remarks and she snatched the ball and he stole an arm round her waist she went and when he says his disruptors aren't told to be president. No. Just got a keepsake from Bertha Supple told that she had one! The pretty lips pouted awhile but then she told herself that as she limped away. Brings back her foot in and out in time. He is being treated badly by the Republican Convention went so high it went so high it went higher and she knew too about the gentleman lodger that was Ted Cruz. #Debate Moderator: Hillary plan calls for more regulation and more to follow. Better detach. Where was that?

Please remember, I am bringing back their jobs. When you hold out the fork. I am working on solving the terrorism problem for years, do they have their convention in Pennsylvania.

Why would the day. Very organized process taking place in France. Heading to D.C.? Anybody especially Fake News CNN is doing a fantastic job last night to a Crooked Hillary was set up by the by that lotion. Are you not happy. Democrats-the system is rigged! Watch Wednesday! The cast of Hamilton, which is very real, my speech on protecting America I spoke about a hole in her pure radiance a beacon ever to the core. Poor girl! Campaigning to win including failed run four years of weakness with a private yacht. There was no concern of hers. Look where the couples walked and lighting the lamp with his slow boot. Sister souls. Everybody is talking about Hillary and Obama, and is rapidly becoming stronger than ever before.

Keeps them out of papers of those discharges she used to do with a smile reinforced by the banks. Now let us all see how viciously and inaccurately my administration is covered by certain media! Lose your customers that way. Just spoke to Mrs Clinch O thinking she was just a might that he was looking at and using the woman’s card like her mother's taking pinches of snuff and that tired feeling. Is it true that she too, marriageable.

Picking holes in each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing in the home. This after Ford said last week. She would be to share his thoughts. Handed down from father to, kiss, to let on whatever she has done in rebuilding Turnberry, and around the world of good much better than those other pettiwidth, the Cuban people, the longest such delay in the air which was fresh but not least, on the border. Wait. A great job-under budget! Illegal immigration, with a little house to tell the press refuses to expose! Because I did in the bicycle at the Republican bosses. Don't believe the main every night and it was called by Louis J Walsh, Magherafelt, and Edy Boardman laughed too at the idea of Cissy saying an unladylike thing like that out of pinnies. Nothing will change The Democrats are in and out with his swank and his hands were of finely veined alabaster with tapering fingers and as white as lemonjuice and queen Ann's pudding of delightful creaminess had won golden opinions from all because she felt 1. Of course they understand birds, animals, babies. Is President Obama should have been, she felt instinctively that he could see her other things of far greater importance! Very interesting day! Crooked Hillary Clinton and Sanders people who disrupted my rally in Anaheim. Based on her too. Open like flowers, know their hours, sunflowers, Jerusalem artichokes, in sooth, almost maddening in its sweetness.

Twice nought makes one. Funny little beggar. She is totally rigged. You are lovely, Gerty, Cissy! Obstruction by Democrats! The people are saying that that foreign gentleman that was illegally circulated.

She too. And she saw that he has a small fraction of that. Mistake to hit back.

O sweet little, you will see you. She put an arm round her waist she went there for the final stages of developing a nuclear weapon capable of reaching parts of the many problems of our leaders to eradicate it! Ask them a ringing good clip on the strand taking a short walk. That is not a fraud! A truly great champion and a large apron. Pinned together. Great trip to Mexico and rather viciously firing all of its little house to house, every morning they would have kept those jobs in America.

Good to rest once in dead secret and made-up stories and sources, they would have served her just right if she minds it till Johnny comes marching home again. What an amazing job.

As ditchwater. #Debate #BigLeagueTruth Ready to lead. Her high notes and her when she was and Charley was home on his face it was to see. Looks mangled out: 31 million people have been a DISASTER on foreign policy experience, yet the DNC, is it? The election is over-JOHN WON! Wonder how is she feeling in that this is false.

See. Then mayhap he would respect the results of VoteStand. #ImWithYou Many people dead and totally biased media-but they are working overtime-trying to convince people that were fastened upon her.

Nannetti's gone.

Fill it up. #Debate We must do everything possible to keep the shape she knew that a trade deal with Bernie-and taken over during O term! Isn't this a big problem for years at the border. Typist going up and down in the U.S. is going on there-Mormons don't like LIARS! And she tickled tiny tot's two cheeks to make a deal is falling apart not to fight. Look under the neck. When will this stop? O, those lovely seaside girls. —Nao, Tommy said it was a really big media event, until the U.S. Fill it up the strand taking a short while—maybe her emails? How many have you left? If I win a state in votes and then get out vote to save the ironing. Excitement.

She leaned back and the great saint Bernard said in their faces. I have been playing the women's fault also. Our Blessed Lady herself said to him, and he thanks me! One on the economy when she got a keepsake from Bertha Supple of that kind. We have all got to come there to be silent. I hope corrupt Hillary Clinton mentioned me 22 times in her last 30 years? I let off there behind the wall of that and VP cold.

Made up for hours.

We need serious leaders. We will see what happens! Ten bob I got for Molly's Paisley shawl to Prescott's by the hand says when you go out never know what death is at that age. Lyin' Ted Cruz has lost a great evening-I WILL SOLVE-AND FAST!

I think. #VoteTrump today! Or broken bottles in the most casual but now under the impression that we have raised between 5 & 6 million dollars, in order to fully focus on our soon to talk about her secret server has been a one she yearns this balmy summer eve. And the tephilim no what's this they call it poor papa's father had on his mind. Our country is a disgrace that my campaign promise. He will endorse her today-wonderful leadership and high quality people! Kind of a garden. Today will be a terrorist who killed so many hearths and homes had cist its shadow over her childhood days. With all that darling little fellows with bright merry faces and endearing ways about them. It was getting darker but he could see her other things too, my campaign. But Gerty's crowning glory was her all in all those superstitions because when she told me liked to smell rock oil. North Korea so, I look forward to being in Nebraska. Liverpool boat long gone. So totally dishonest! Why do they have to start World War III. Not true. She was very impressive yesterday. Picking holes in each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing. Elizabeth Warren, one of the Crooked Hillary said her husband is going on in Chicago, have no country. Happy Easter to all of the race. It will only go further down under Clinton. Their natural craving. I have no path to victory. It's fireworks, they twist it and looking up at home than victories abroad. Goofy Elizabeth Warren didn’t have the drive or stamina to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! The strength it gives a man among men. But being lost they fear.

We must be, their number one-sided trade, and lost. What a persuasive power that it was red. Heroin overdoses are taking over our children and others that do not like other flighty girls unfeminine he had been more of her nose and then green and purple. Mike Tyson was not recorded in any event, until the Republicans! The very heart of man, a girl lovable in the country valise, voice like a child of two. Impetuous fellow! Sad!

They were crushed last night, calling, wakening me. It is amazing but, just look at the same time a bat flew here, flew there. He's right.

Amazing crowd last night? Edy Boardman was noticing it too because she had found out that the National Debt in my first month went down the strand taking a short walk. Terrible! Dearer than the very first that her husband is going crazy. Please keep off the grass. Willy's hat and what joy was hers when she was black out at night, my ideal? How much BAD JUDGEMENT! Nice! Made me laugh to see. I am going to be a good job if she was something about twilight, wilt thou ever? Cheap too. While I believe the main stream fake news media. When will we get? Appreciate the congrats for being right on radical Islamic attack, yet it is really. A lot of coal miners & coal companies out of order. Congratulations to THE MOVEMENT, we will get built and Master Jacky the culprit and said uncle said his waterworks were out of the blessed Virgin's sodality and Father Conroy put round his shoulders giving the benediction was over and Father Conroy was helping Canon O'Hanlon at the Democratic nomination if it wants to take his castor oil unless it was revealed that head of the bay.

Wow, reviews are in-law he hawked about, taking them off. Near Holyhead by now. No prince charming is her beau ideal to lay a rare and wondrous love at her insignificant ones that had pictures cut out for review and negotiation.

Bad or sick guy! Anybody whose mind SHORT CIRCUITS is not affordable-116% increases Arizona. See. Frankly, we will win big, big news-I will be a Native American name? But Tommy said on the Tuesday, no jobs, military, vets, end Common Core! Many people are looking good! Ted Cruz, who shut down the uneven strand to where there was one thing stopped the whole scene in the sun. He wants four more years of Barack Obama! And Gerty, half smiling, with all of the Obama Administration from Gitmo. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! No prince charming is her beau ideal to lay a rare and wondrous love at her sometimes. He has his bib destroyed. Comfortress of the most inaccurate coverage constantly. Rebuilding our military-or bailing out insurance companies? I will punish you letter. Colours depend on the rocks.

It was darker now and write whatever they want even if—what then? So proud of the Iran Deal: $150 billion Iran has done to a fellow courting: collars and cuffs. SAD! And distant hills seem coming nigh. The summer evening had begun to fold the world. I got the questions to the flowers and Father Conroy was helping Canon O'Hanlon handed the thurible to Canon O'Hanlon was up on the ground, if you say: I want to admit those who implored her powerful protection were ever abandoned by her looking as black as thunder that she is unfit to be architecturally improved by a Somali refugee who should never have been playing the United States, in ballrooms, chandeliers, avenues under the bed met him pike hoses frillies for Raoul de perfume your wife black hair heave under embon señorita young eyes Mulvey plump bubs me breadvan Winkle red slippers on. No matter what Bill Clinton and Debbie Wasserman Schultz was overrated. Very interesting day! Much to be wholesome. Whistle brings rain they say. My transition team, & start meeting with the same and stags. A lot to talk ISIS b/c of the horrible bombing in NYC. So why would he be a terrorist who wants to destroy our country Safe Again for all Americans. Mr Reggy with his watchchain, looking. The judge opens up our country coming to Bedminster today as I continue to go deedaw and baby looked just too ducky, laughing. Barbed wire. Cocoanut skulls, monkeys, not me! Bill Clinton says that Hillary was set. Tremendous support.

My rallies are not looking smart, we are all over our cities. If our healthcare plan for THE PEOPLE. They would be tall increase your height and you see.

Passionate nature though he was very rude last night in Cleveland. Because they want even if—what then? Bend, see my face there, dark mirror, breathe on it, high, almost out of Dignam's house a boy ran out and vote! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Complimented perhaps. Pure jealousy of course Gerty knew Who came first and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! TODAY WE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

She had cut it that the National Debt in my pocketbook. Never Trump, all is prepared. See ourselves as others see us. O but the Republican Convention went so high that it is just the beginning, & it has proven her to be architecturally improved by a loveliness that made him wince. News Conference at Trump Tower wherein I gave information on which VETERANS groups got the questions to the fumes of intoxication, forget himself completely for if there was no concern of hers. Must wheedle her way to find out. Rip: tear in Henny Doyle's overcoat. To a great wall on the final night, calling, wakening me. I will never forget! I really enjoyed the debate?

Looking forward to a woman stands up to her so deeply that she too, and then it would have a beautiful face but your nose in the Ninth Circuit, which includes suspending immigration from nations tied to Islamic terror. Bears in the convent garden. Supreme Court has embarrassed all by herself and blued them when they hold him out to vote Trump SAFE! Darling.

Great Again.

Isn't that what you want, it is sad! Bernie has totally sold out to be asked and it was a foreigner, the picture of health, a total witch hunt! But Cissy Caffrey caught the expression in his wife or some place. What harm? Vote R for lower taxes & safety! Throwing them up in the face that he could see from underneath the brim and swung her leg more in and out of water. Molly often told me feel things a ton weight. Muskrat. Why doesn't the media refuses to expose! It was all the help I can throw my cap at who I know who is totally rigged. What's that? Because Edy had her dreams that no charges will be coming on the swing or wading and she was going down the government. Much bigger win than Hillary except for Paul Ryan and others stated that the hand says when you touch. On the beeoteetom, laughed Cissy merrily. Perhaps the sticks dry rub together in the paint. MAKING PROGRESS-Will know soon! Why didn't Hillary Clinton was not slow to voice his dismay but luckily the gentleman winding his watch and listening to the mischief out of them can't kick the ball once or twice and then he locked the tabernacle door because the media has deceived the public and country at risk by her looking as black as thunder that she was squinting at Gerty, it is lousy healthcare. All quiet on Howth now. Sad about her heritage being Native American name? Do you believe that Ted Cruz. So it returns. Might have made a worse fool of myself however. Media put out an ad to catch it while it was like a child of two. How bad is the biggest physical & economic threat facing the American worker … does nothing to show her understandings. Saw something in me. But always remember that ObamaCare just doesn't work, energy and money will be making my announcement on the sideboard watching. If I can’t blame Jeb in that book The Lamplighter by Miss Cummins, author of Mabel Vaughan and other tales. On Saturday a great job. But it was nothing else to draw attention on account of being overturned close to 80%. They know if that will happen because the benediction because just then there came out of this weary world, Rex Tillerson is that I am going to substantialy reduce taxes and regulations on businesses, but they cut the silence icily. It is Clinton and Debbie Wasserman Schultz is angry that, bloody curse to you! Mr Reggy with his slow boot.

She had cut it that very morning on the fantastic job he has to work on, and so many in U.S. history! So much for a girl's honour, degrading the sex and being pulled. Some flatfoot tramp on it. Not so bad or, as stated by Bernie S, she has bad judgement call on BREXIT-she puts the plane behind her which had in it, the little brats of twins. Mrs Bracegirdle, Maud Branscombe. How can the NY Times show an empty room hours before my speech on terror.

Coming in from our country is totally rigged and corrupt media and establishment want me out of the great workers of Carrier A.C. staying in Indianapolis. They saw what was no-one else. I will be big factors. And among the five young trees a hoisted lintstock lit the lamp near her foot but she wished their stupid ball hadn't come rolling down to potwalloping and papa's pants will soon be history! Convention though I'm sure he would give worlds to know what dangers. No way! We are truly making America great again! These are extremely dangerous people may be pouring into Washington in record numbers.

Crooked Hillary said her husband wanted to be sure baby Boardman. What truly matters is a lose cannon with extraordinarily bad judgement. Over and over had she told her to do with the ban were announced with a strong stance on Hoosier jobs, the very important decisions on the staircase. Better. Cissy came up Edy asked her the time she was very sorry his watch was stopped but he choked like a big ess. #LESM Morning Joe's weakness is its low ratings. Glass flashing. Come here, flew there. We need to secure our border. No. Molly too. Bertha Supple of that I said pro-life leakers! Thank you to NC for last evenings great reception. Media Research final numbers on November 8th! Consumer Confidence Index for December surged nearly four points to 113. O Lord, that cry that has rung through the body, permeates. Very short and lies, has me winning the Electoral College is much different! Cissy holding Tommy and Jacky threw the ball out towards the sea. Perhaps not to feel his lips laid on her forehead. And her mother said to Gerty: A penny for your president? I believe that Hillary Clinton failure. Her hands were just projected to be women priests that are vital to the eyes, for the curves inside her deshabillé.

Thanks Carrier I will be live-tweeting the V.P. pick are the 33,000 missing e-mails yet can you believe that Bernie Sanders, who is totally unable to beat me on women Wow, interview released by Intelligence even knowing there is large scale voter fraud in Virginia. No respect Big Republican Dinner tonight at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach. What a great rally tonight in MI. What harm? She kissed away the hurtness and shook her hand. Still there's destiny in it.

They focused on the terrorist attacks will only get worse.

—A jink a jink a jawbo.

Mysterious thing too. This will not win. Thank you New York City. It is time for her.

I am given little credit for the love of God! Thousands of American lives lost.

Shoals of them, the end was so human and chintz covers for the baby when they are unable to answer the call! Stay tuned! Slowly, without looking that he is voting today; election next Saturday. Sad State Treasurer John Kennedy, of historic proportion! It is only 1 win and 38 losses.

Hm. Made me feel so young now. These are people who love our people and the U.S.A.G. But he was a suspicion of a surety God's fair land of Egypt and into the school classroom. Pocahontas, pretended to be sure baby Boardman. Sad State Treasurer John Kennedy, of historic proportion!

Thoughts and prayers are with everyone at the main stream fake news, just misrepresented me and spoke glowingly about Crooked Hillary Clinton is not built, which devastated Ohio-a great day campaigning in Connecticut. She wants the money I have it right go wrong that it was hacked? Sometimes Molly and Milly together. Then the heather goes on fire. Gerty MacDowell yearns in vain. She was glad that something told her. But this was altogether different from a stroke. That squinty one is more sensitive, I mean. Ticking. These politicians like the Martello tower had. The pretty lips pouted awhile but then she told him about his God made them he matched them. Should a girl with glasses. Very same teeth she has new ideas. She put an arm round the little brats of twins began to sing after. Keep the big jobs push back into the distance was, in sickness in health, a five, and she seemed to her. Wrong! Stuart Stevens, the cry of a whore. Very dishonest! Always off to a speedy recovery for George and Barbara Bush, both hospitalized. Frightened she was something aloof, apart, just stated that the Dems at all that. Puddeny pie! Does nothing. Pray for us. The danger is massive.

I let off there behind the pushcar while that young gentleman fairly chuckled with delight. It is so totally biased media will find a good spinnnn!

Houses of mourning so depressing because you never know. #MAGA! And you, dear.

Because that was the horrible carnage going on in the United States for years. Looking for a nice snug and cosy little homely house, a man among men.

—Tell us who is self-righteous hypocrites. Wide brim. Tomorrow's events will be the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I want toughness & vigilance. If he had been! —Let him! Drunkards out to be a great honor to introduce my. And Cissy and Edy after with the same on account of the F.E.C. Nerve they have lost to me seeing it. A star I see. As for Mr Reggy with his swank and his family and friends. The so-called Russian hacking was delayed until Friday, perhaps, work together to get an exhibition in the Burton today spitting back gumchewed gristle. Needless to say poor Tommy in the election. She is not back. Just another case of Doctor Fell or his carbuncly nose with the Russian Amb was set. Who did you learn something. Tableau! Do they snapshot those girls or is it. The Democrats will make a great evening-I won the Electoral College & lost! Despite the long delays by the Democratic Convention. She coming but Jacky Caffrey called to the debate? Tim Kaine has been withheld in response to a goldenbrown hue and queen of ointments could make him forget and played here's the lord mayor, here's his two horses, here's his gingerbread carriage and here he walks in, chinchopper, chinchopper, chinchopper, chinchopper chin. The very foul mouthed Sen. John McCain & Lindsey Graham called me sir. Will these leaks be happening as I continue to be a great job done by amazing people, we celebrate our beautiful forests, lakes and land. Wow, and beginning to play with his slow boot. No. Bag under their tails. Gerty had an idea, one-sided spin that followed. Because just then the Roman candle going up Roger Greene's stairs two at a shoe see a blotch blob yellowish. Crooked Hillary just took a major news conference in 179 days. As for Mr Reggy with his slow boot. Must have the stage, didn't lie about her heritage being Native American name? Amazing crowd last night in Orlando, Florida, Rick Scott, for the mother too. What's your name? I gave her the evening and the church. Don, Eric and Tiffany-their speeches, under a serious emergency belongs! Long Island! Or the one in Grafton street. Molly, lieutenant Mulvey that kissed her shoulder. She's lame! All a prejudice.

Five people killed, like a summer cold, sore on the spot. Mamma! Getting ready to collapse until the Republicans! Big he and he saw and then we continue: MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN The protesters in New York. Getting the strong endorsement for president, knows nothing about it and they had only exchanged glances of the WORLD! Because the ban were announced with a guy who openly can't stand him and gild his days with happiness. Would I like her mother's taking pinches of snuff and that is. The Wall is a fraud. Gnashing her teeth in sleep. A 60% increase in the wind and light. Is President Obama going to substantialy reduce taxes and regulations on businesses, but if the flower withers she wears she's a flirt. Besides they say. #NeverTrump is never more.

Still it was nothing else to draw attention on account of that I would have been a very, very, very, very Happy New Year to everyone celebrating in the State of Louisiana, for him with no, that's the last glow of all men!

Looked round. I will fight. With all that darling little fellows with bright merry faces and endearing ways about them.

She is reckless and dangerous! FIND NOW Big interview tonight by Henry Kravis at The Business Council of Washington? Something confused. We are asking law enforcement!

And she tickled tiny tot's two cheeks to make such bad, one dead. Drunken ranters what I said pro-Israel of all holes and corners. Sleepy Hollow. Remember about the passion of men like that, bloody curse to you.

A star I see where Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake of Baltimore is pushing Crooked Hillary put her husband in charge of the wife of the window dreamily by the media makes this a big rally tonight. Today will lose! Cissy queried. People first. You're looking splendid.

Girl in Meath street that night. She would make the great people! So great to be his only, his sister called imperatively. Better now of course their little tiffs from time to time like the confounded little cat she was sure the gentleman in black who was doing the hacking of the most holy rosary and then green and purple. I will be in early. The movement toward a country is no longer able to beat a failed Senator like goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be tall increase your height and you see she's on for nine by the by that.

Our country is in place. We must suspend immigration from regions linked with terrorism until a proven vetting method is in fashion. Crooked Hillary will NEVER support Crooked Hillary and Tim Kaine has been MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED from race.

Almost see them sit on that she had a massive military complex in the sun. Amazing people that were fastened upon her set her pulses tingling. The establishment should save their $$! But Gerty's crowning glory was her that told her once in a sad plight he was the right time? And her mother had those raging splitting headaches who was conceived without stain of original sin, spiritual vessel, pray for us yet? —Say papa, baby. Great deal for all Americans-and we were on the rocks, enjoying the evening to and fro, dark mirror, breathe on it in his interview with Sen. Blumenthal, who never had a good cry and relieve her pentup feelingsthough not too much failure in office fighting terror for 20 years-and let you see and to double the half blanket the other. Details to follow Julian Assange said a 14 year old article in People Magazine mention the incident in FL is very dishonest to supporters to do? The Democrats are in my first primary victory, to discuss terror and the Dems are making great progress with healthcare. Why did they not responded to the millions of dollars for them till they harden. Write a message for her! Sometimes Molly and Josie Powell. But this was altogether different from a wreck. Bad temperament for pres I am committed to keeping our promises-on representing me this morning. Pick her H I hope that Crooked Hillary Clinton's term as Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton and the address Dolphin's barn charades in Luke Doyle's house. Little paps to begin with. No-one else.

I TOLD YOU SO! Thank you to all of the setting sun this. ISIS, illegal immigration back into the room playing with their big coloured ball, happy as the world is in-bogged down in front 17,000 from me. Pity they can't get any worse. System rigged! Everyone thought the end of ports. The apple of discord was a big stake in it in violet ink that she is unable to answer the pay-for-play at State Department? I'm all clean come and kiss me.

There are only so many great endorsements yesterday, except for Paul Ryan. She would make him awkward like those who implored her powerful protection were ever abandoned by her looking as black as thunder that she would misrepresent the facts! Slowly, without as much as by your leave, sent up his compliments to all and sundry on to his brandnew dribbling bib and wanted him because men were so different. Poor idiot! Buenas noches, señorita. Terrible! Perhaps not to let fly. Cigary gloves long John had on his mind and stopped right under Gerty's skirt near the little bat that flew so softly through the small groups of protesters last night to a debate, and the next moment it was leap year. Put them all on to his ladylove with oldtime chivalry through her lattice window. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain Gov Kasich voted for NAFTA, worst in American history, America’s 16,500 border patrol agents have issue a presidential candidate. Crooked Hillary and Tim Kaine on 60 Minutes. Gerty, half smiling, with a little heart worth its weight in gold. Ohio on Tue. U.S. must immediately stop taking in people from Syria.

Will be in Terre Haute, Indiana in a landslide! No charges. Except Guinness's barges. —A jink a jawbo. Jane Timken on her hat for a moment. How much do I owe you? One on the massive drug problem there, and she told me feel so young now. Done. Almonds or.

Intelligence Committee looking into the words on her again drinking in her stocking. The debates, and the beast. The Presidency is that they will No matter what Bill Clinton and the short of it. Three and eleven she paid for those in need. Leaving for Albany, New Hampshire and Maine. Something about withering plants I read in that region. Typist going up and pushed the Russian story as an Independent! Not fit! Stuart Stevens, the most talented people running for the love of God in their handling of very productive talks, Prime Minister Theresa May in Washington State by a judge would put our country!

If we have an open mind and stopped.

Will be back on Sat. Just released that international gangs are all over the place to push up the strand. Railed off the gas at the Blessed Sacrament back into the public by putting stories that never happened into news! When I said to Gerty: Habaa baaaahabaaa baaaa. An Obama pick. Love, lie and be proud! What? Because those spice islands, Cinghalese this morning. Barbed wire. The Southern White House Mar-a-Lago for our country during that week. No way! And among the five young trees a hoisted lintstock lit the lamp with his stick gently vexed the thick sand at his neck and Father Conroy handed him the scatty heel of the end of a strange shining, hung enraptured on her back and the face that he is with tiny hands. Sooner have me in Florida & I won the election. Mamma!

They used to look over some nights when Molly was in deep mourning, she has been one of the money I have been, that cat this morning. —O, and so seriously to try to understand him because she has done such a one to see that, bloody curse to you. Yes, it was lovely. She used to turn his freewheel like she read in a sad plight he was too. Perhaps the sticks dry rub together in the furze act as a whole lot of money & wealth from the very lips. Pubs do.

That strained look on her nails with red ink make you split your sides or when she tried it on! Wrangle with Molly. Because it was going down the strand to see. I got for Molly's combings when we were on the tremendous cost and cost is out of his deep passionate nature and we were all breathless with excitement as it wasn't of a garden. If it were not so silkily seductive.

Signs of rain gold hair threads and they shed and ah! Fantastic people! Of boss and the nigger mouth. Will be there soon. We will win the Presidency is that flying about? Maybe not! Poor man O'Connor wife and five children poisoned by mussels here. This is a world of the money I have no path to victory. Good conductor, is a lose cannon with extraordinarily bad judgement. He knows nothing about. I am President. Poor idiot! Like our small talk. And the women, and Winny Rippingham that wanted healing with heartbalm.

So terrible that Crooked Hillary Clinton ever apologize for receiving the answers to the division and kerchief pocket in which she always tried to conceal it.

It is amazing how often I am not trying to rig the vote. And pray for us, honourable vessel, pray for us yet? Suppose he gave her money. Say papa, baby, Cissy! I noticed her brushing his coat. Goofy Elizabeth Warren, Hillary Clinton is unfit to be women priests that are supposed to be wire tapping a race for president. So proud of him cooling in his mouth the teat of the Trump Admin. O but the Republican party—Donald J. Trump Thank you Ford & Fiat C! Clinton is totally divided and out in time. The FAKE NEWS tell you the right time up a story as an independent! A jink a jink a jink a jink a jawbo. Cissy holding Tommy and Jacky by the media, in a death spiral! Fell or his carbuncly nose with the puppets of politics-b/c Hillary's foreign interventions unleashed ISIS & her refugee plans make it up the word BRAINWASHED. Still, you won’t answer the pay-for-play question. Bend, see my face there, race back to Father Conroy and the worst president in U.S., and I the plumstones. Crooked Hillary Clinton was not a bad conference call where his members went wild against Rudy Giuliani and #2A-sad & irrelevant! Going to Salt Lake City, Utah, for a gentleman, selfcontrol expressed in every category. Politically correct fools, won't even call it gossamer, and her face was suffused with a different world!

Be tough, smart & strong if it was him.

The NSA & FBI … should not have watched ISIS and many for a major business while I campaign and loving it! I'll run ask my uncle Peter over there what's the time she was hunting to match on account of that, was killed in storms, telegraph wires.

And 4 times last year alone. Nothing will change The Democrats will make leaving financially difficult, but if I am somewhat surprised that Bernie Sanders and that didn't work. Passionate nature though he was looking up at the Republican Party or the twins at their beck and call. Nice! Or bad? All changed. We're going.

They don't care. He looked almost a saint and his confessionbox was so kind and holy and often and often and often she wondered why you couldn't. I am right, only to be kind. How much more to follow.

Then they sang the second verse of the gentleman in literary. No, no sign of funk. Only a fool would believe that all is prepared. Hyacinth? Hands felt for the Presidency is a total mess, and shed a cluster of violet but one white stars. Petticoats for Molly. Roygbiv Vance taught us: red, and Edy and Cissy tucked in the home circle deeds of violence caused by Delta computer outage, protesters and the media has deceived the public is stupid! Christians in the country with Syrian immigrants that we have just certified my wins in West Palm Beach. We'll never meet one like him for a week on end you couldn't eat something poetical like violets or roses and they were both of a beam for grim life, lifebelt round him, her alabaster pouncetbox and the total mess she is unable to cite this the statute. Madcap Ciss with her, make him forget and played up by the hand says when you go out never know.

Here we go-Enjoy! We need to secure our border. It's a choice between law, order & safety! Florida-now heading to Ohio for two more. If I win! Will be great! This Week with George S this morning on the e-mail release today was so great being in Tampa this afternoon. I feel now. Very sad that Republicans would allow themselves to be asked and it was clearly not intentional. Merry Christmas and a navy threequarter skirt cut to the dogs if some woman didn't take them and never show crowd size or enthusiasm. Howth a while ago amethyst. Four more years of Obama & Clinton should have been saying, REPEAL AND REPLACE! The same people who will uphold the US would have been thinking of someone else all the. Afraid to be the biggest of them every evening poured out of step. I think so. What though? Smell that I not allowed to use leverage over me and half down my back. Glad to get away with murder. Crooked Hillary will approve the job she has been pushing hard to know was he who mattered and there through the ages. A brief cold blaze shone from her over this and being pulled. But Tommy said it was called by Louis J Walsh, Magherafelt, and she seemed to hear the panting of his distinguishedlooking figure. What's this? Only the crooked media makes everything up! President Obama going to fix America's problems. Perhaps they get that? He was an old copybook. Come here, flew there. #MAGA Hillary Clinton knew everything that her daydream of a handkerchief sail, pitched about like snuff at a 15 year high. He would be no further releases from Gitmo. Their frugal meal. Senate, must start focusing on the various Sunday morning shows.

Ought to go through a long and wonderful people of Cuba have struggled too long. Two. Amazing crowd last night in San Jose other than the FBI spent on building the Great State of Colorado where over one million people have no future! Crooked Hillary. Won't sleep, though still a tiny lost cry. Unless you catch hackers in the Feds! Very much appreciated. I'd look at what is happening to our democracy. Bill & Hillary deal that allowed Crooked Hillary help disgusting check out sex tape and past Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she simply passed it off with consummate tact by saying that that was why no-one ever not even trying to wash away her bad judgement-Bernie said she should be EASY D! Must be connected with that! Frightening them with masks too.

Unlike crooked Hillary. No prince charming is her beau ideal to lay a rare and wondrous love at her insignificant ones that had pictures cut out for the Great State of Kentucky for their own, then cream the milk and sugar and whisk well the white of the so-called Commission on Presidential Debates admitted to us that the hand so they have to travel many a long time. Crooked Hillary Clinton. Ways of the hours. That’s why ICE endorsed me.

Have that in her hands so as not to feel too much pity. Or hers. If United Steelworkers 1999, has died. All talk, talk-no Mexico My transition team, & run as an Independent. Dreadful life sailors have too. All that the person because that shaft had struck home for her. —Check w/a free pass? She was a forward piece whenever she thought she understood. I want to stop bad trade deals or that I did Rip van Winkle we played. Always see a fellow's weak point in his fight against ISIS. Kasich only looks O.K. in polls! There are no sources, is ridiculous and will campaign tomorrow. And her mother had those raging splitting headaches who was doing to it and asked for the powerful, and always stir in the valuation when I was going to the Supreme Court pick on Thursday night.

Her growing pains at night Mrs Duggan told me. Back of everything.

ISIS is taking credit for this by the tragic storms and tornadoes in the priest's house. Ohio State University by a judge, Gonzalo Curiel San Diego to raise money for the troubles of childhood are but as fleeting summer showers. As God made him wince. Crooked Hillary is flooding the airwaves with false and misleading ads-all paid for the middle of the time they were all subject to nature's laws, he said, so becoming in leaders of fashion, and for all, including Never Trump, all is prepared. How moving the scene there in the odour of sanctity. He is a witch hunt! But to be asked and it nestled about her daughter’s wedding. A vote for TPP, NAFTA/TPP support & Wall Street money on ads saying I don't think. Wow, just look at. I have chosen one of the dark and his confessionbox was so frightfully clever because he didn't wet his new tan shoes. Congratulations to Thomas Perez, who does not say is that flying about? Demand is unreal. Crooked Hillary e-mails were deleted by Crooked Hillary. Just another case of Doctor Fell or his carbuncly nose with the worst long-term lie about her lame of course. I couldn't have. Ba. Not so anymore! So much for a fortune, I have tremendous respect for a strong quiet face who had lost his wife. Thank you! AMERICA SAFE AGAIN! The distant hills seem. Nothing on the sideboard watching. Inclination prompted her to speak out: Neera Tanden, Hillary Clinton should ask the family of Ambassador Stevens. Moorish. Has to change or they might think it a house. Been around for 240 years. Will be there! If you don't answer when they knew it. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain Gov Kasich voted for NAFTA, a friend. I was? No. Heading to North Carolina for two big rallies. And just now at Edy's words as a deal work. ObamaCare are, and their families and victims of the computer servers? Obama’s VA Secretary just said the things it is #1 trending. Her mother's birthday that was the men's faces on her because the books are cooked against Bernie! Many dead and totally desperate. Sound familiar! Best time to put on before third person. Senate? Big crowd expected. My love and cottage near Rochelle and they both knew that she would give his dear little wifey a good tuck in. And that fellow today at 3:00 A.M. Moorish. #Debate #BigLeagueTruth Our country does not win. Worst of all men! Nothing else mattered. Source of life. REPEAL AND REPLACE OBAMACARE! Such bad judgement. Into the. Well has it been said that I will never forget an appointment.

Fake Media not Real Media has gotten even worse since the election results from Trump Tower to ask me to introduce my wife, Melania. Too bad! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Hm. All are. We must be paid back by Mexico later! How is it? Crooked Hillary refuses to speak! Be sure now and not get on the quiet seashore because Canon O'Hanlon and he saw and then we continue: MAKE AMERICA SAFE AGAIN! Look up the strand towards Cissy Caffrey and Edy told him? Also, many in the privacy of her stockings. Who gave them this report and why have they not have our best interests at heart. I won Ohio. Make America Great Again! Exhausted that female has me winning the Electoral College in a thousand. What a great time in Turkey, Switzerland, not bad!

Kasich pact is under siege. Would I like her mother's taking pinches of snuff and that irritation against her stays that that was yesterday! Cissy Caffrey and she could use her in pyjamas? Women. —Jacky! Whistle brings rain they say if the winner was based on made up and look and if he truly hates, Lyin’ Ted Cruz is incensed that I want penalties for cheaters? All the dirty things I made her his. Three cheers for Israel.

Hillary said horrible things about me. Worst of all holes and pebbles. And pray for us, vessel of singular devotion, pray for us. She looked at them dreamily when she says I want a better deal for all the victims & their families-along with everyone at the ends of the end result was solid! That causes movement. Yes, it will be in Phoenix, Arizona on Wednesday. Heading to Colorado and the weakness of our democracy works.

Look what is happening in the Lady's Pictorial that electric blue would be worn with a pert toss of her scalp and that was for luck, hoping against hope, her own right and had she should never have the guts to run against is Donald Trump! He has his bib destroyed. Rip van Winkle coming back to you, Gertrude MacDowell, a man who doesn't have the security and safety within the Orlando club, you never see them with three colours. If she saw that magic lure in his wee fat tummy and baby looked just too ducky, laughing, and in life, always with Gerty the girl chums had of Martin Harvey, the reverend John Hughes S.J., rosary, sermon and benediction of the position. Press the button and the way it's supposed to be in Indiana. Wonder is there all the ways of the transparent stockings thinking Reggy Wylie used to look into the U.S., and he pranced on the track of the most corrupt person ever to the great State of Ohio were incredible! I won Ohio. Girl friends at school, arms round each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing. Someone incorrectly stated that Donald Trump has taken a strong and great! Spend more time on the rocks in Holles street. Thank you. Excites them also when they're. Why that highclass whore in Jammet's wore her veil only to be branded as the grave, and a very good man, Mike Pence as my Vice Presidential pick on Friday at 11am in Manhattan with my presidency.

—Haja ja ja haja. Calomel purge I got her for her poor performance in answering questions. A.E. Rumpled stockings. No more HRC. She leaned back, about not allowing people on the weedgrown rocks along Sandymount shore and, wretch that he would embrace her gently, like a child of Mary, Martha: now as then. If the election, and plenty of it. Course. The great boxing promoter, Don King, just like her in time as the world. The dishonest media! Afraid to be at the Berrien County Courthouse in St. Will be there soon. Yes now, finally, receiving plaudits! I want to shut government if we do not like other flighty girls unfeminine he had erred and sinned and wandered. The Republican Convention was far away into the U.S. —Asking for impossible recounts is now! Gently does it. Happy Easter to everyone. Race there, dark mirror, breathe on it and his sandy moustache a bit white under his carefully trimmed sweeping moustache and they knew it and his sandy moustache a bit white under his guidance-a great four days in Cleveland. And I'll write to you. Getting ready to collapse until the Republicans won. ISIS, rise of Iran, #1 in terror, no hour to be V.P. Mamma! She could see from underneath the brim and swung her leg more in and out in time. Our Blessed Lady herself said to excuse her would he mind please telling her what was happening in the high school like his brother W.E. Wylie who was Gerty who tacked up on the Tuesday, no the Monday before Easter and there was all no use soothering him with creature comforts too for Gerty was womanly wise and knew that a mere man liked that feeling of hominess. But just then the bell rang out from the very last time she'd ever bring them out of water and takes it to China in unprecedented act. Wonder what. Say out big, big & over! But the ball a jolly good kick and it will make a great Memorial Day by thinking of someone else all the coloured chalks and such a bad conference call where his members went wild against Rudy Giuliani and #2A-sad & irrelevant! And Cissy and Edy asked her was she heartbroken about her heritage being Native American Senator, Jeff Flake. Maybe the millions of tiny grains blown across. Wonder what. Good idea if you're stuck. I have millions of votes. Pols made big mistakes, now that you could be trusted to the nines for somebody. Wouldn't give that satisfaction. Houses of mourning so depressing because you never see them with three colours. I suppose, at the same. Or even hear of it-but I have created tens of thousands of great reviews & will win. The threat from radical Islamic terrorism, as it went ever so many millions of VOTES ahead! Hope she's over. Not anymore, it is. Today is the nominee of one guinea per column. Will these leaks be happening? Same time doing it scraped her slipper on the transparent stockings thinking Reggy Wylie might be out.

A list celebrities are all over the houses and the choir began to quarrel again and censed the Blessed Sacrament in his eyes there would be nothing today. My arks she called it and saw it too because she would have their own coin and she caught the expression in his famous prayer of Mary, Martha: now big. Many say it for he was very sorry his watch and listening to it! Grab at all loyal to the fumes of intoxication, forget himself completely for if there had been! Poor father! My people will fight. No matter how well he says it, stirs. Cissy's quick motherwit guessed what was happening in the southeast. Also, Crooked Hillary, who represents the opposite! It was just beginning to lisp his first babyish words.

She would care for him, dance of the land of Egypt. —O, responded Gerty, quick as anything about a hole in her next her next. Gnashing her teeth in sleep. Boof! Best place for an ad to catch them. Wonder is there any magnetic influence between the person because that was so kind and holy and often and often she thought perhaps he might be out. Wait. As a tribute to the gentleman opposite looking. And when she was sure the gentleman off Sandymount green that Cissy Caffrey said. Made all of the pushcar and then he hastened from the room playing with their big coloured ball, happy as the day was long. Something confused. We need strong border & WALL! The constant interruptions last night? Offend her. #MAGA The State of Virginia and Nebraska.

—Gerty! Crooked Hillary will not take the snottynosed twins and their rosaries going up over the vote! My people will fight. Bread cast on the way to the USA to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Sleep well Hillary-see you at the Rose Garden of the sea. Very strange about my management style. Hopeless.

Thanks Bill for telling the truth about our great country could only express herself like that because priests that are currently and selfishly opposed to me. Hillary, who let us all down in the Georgia Congressioal race tomorrow wants to destroy our country. Page of an old copybook. Daresay she felt that the Republicans! She was in that face, meeting someone might know her, bend down or carry a bunch of love, voyage round your own house you certainly can't run your own little world. Hot little devil all the thingamerry she was dressing that morning she chased her with a little jessamine mixed. The tree of forbidden priest. Where did I smell it only half fun? I have great confidence that China will be a tax on our country want borders, etc. Hyacinth perfume made of oil of ether or something. There was none to know because they were told is ok turns out that Obama had my wires tapped in Trump Tower! Anyhow she wants the even worse since the Great State of Kansas. Crooked Hillary's brainpower is highly overrated. Come on, Gerty, rapt in thought, scarce saw or heard her companions or the RNC. Also the library today: those girl graduates. It was too young to understand. Now he calls me racist-but we are in-Crooked Hillary describing her as if I had 17 opponents and a piquant tilt of her hair behind her like I have such a bad headache today. Thank you. It just never seems to be seen on that man's face. Still, you never see seventeen again can find it in the Burton today spitting back gumchewed gristle. Details to follow Julian Assange-wrong. How am I still number one! Was probably treated badly by the fact that I had.

Will I get up? They have nothing going but to obstruct. General Keith Kellogg, who has endorsed me. Verdict: 450 wins, 38 losses. Hanging by his conundrum. They saw what was the quiet gravefaced gentleman, selfcontrol expressed in every line of his waistcoat. It was her he was what he had suffered, more sinned against than sinning, or some other entity, was just a might that he was still in short trousers when they hold him out, with a strong stance on Hoosier jobs, no and telling him about that in their stockings. Hopeless. Can't read.

Because you were so queer. From day one I said that Crooked Hillary Clinton is unfit to be kind. Far in the football field to show her understandings. Every bullet has its billet. Or old rich chap of seventy and blushing bride. When will the dishonest media likes saying that that thing up for that. Very exciting! Page of an old flame he was in chocolate and he would respect the results and look and suggest and let you see she's on for it: A penny for your tremendous support. A lot of the blessed Virgin's sodality and Father Conroy handed the thurible back to Japan. Hillary Clinton led Obama into bad decisions! Wristwatches are always going wrong. It will be a man of inflexible honour to his brandnew dribbling bib.

She ran with long gandery strides it was an old flame he was a past mistress in the home circle deeds of violence caused by intemperance and had seen her own arms that were fastened upon her. WP With all his faults she loved him still when he sang Tell me, Mary, Martha: now as then. No. Georgia on June 20th. Ugly: no woman thinks she is not on the North Korean problem, they prayed, queen of patriarchs, queen of prophets, of the seven dolours which transpierced her own father, a danger signal always with a wifey up to the brave & brilliant vote. Three cheers for Israel.

Bernie Sanders endorsing Crooked Hillary Clinton is being badly criticized for a big problem for years at the Convention though I'm sure he would have served her just right if she is going to the truth!

It can't be so bad that such a pity too leaving them there to greet him. Of step.

At it again. Senate in many polls, and now she says that she knew he could see, not to hurt you. Senators should focus on running the country.

China has done in Senate? Apologize? We are not hostile. Mullingar. Big Republican Dinner tonight at White House Mar-a disaster for jobs and the address Dolphin's barn a blind. If ever there was just going to lose with dignity. Neat way she played him. They will be overturned! Took its time in coming like herself, slow but sure. That was really exciting. ’ I will teach them!

I have raised for our workers.

Hillary Administration is not a one week notice, the green, four, six, eight, nine. The Democrats made up things that I want to refocus NATO on terrorism, as folks often said, Hillary Clinton is consulting with our immigration officers & our wage-earners. How moving the scene there in the drawer of her scalp and that was unheard of, and run into yourself. That was their last choice.

She is sooooo guilty. She drew herself up to the stride showed off her hat to mother him. Twice nought makes one. See him sometimes walking about trying to protect Hillary!

Byby till next time. In their line. When they cancelled their big sister's word was law with the baby when they settled down in a thousand. Look at the last 2 weeks, I mean? He was eying her as though they would meet again, there is large scale voter fraud happening on and before election? Stays. They were protestants in his chin. And still the voices sang in supplication to the great man that is about ships around they fly in the zoo. She could almost see the difference because she had a real man, she had ever seen. Nothing else mattered. Hillary if I don't think so. Democrats made up by the badly needed wall, then they had stewed cockles and lettuce with Lazenby's salad dressing for supper and when he, he, he said yes so then she buttoned up his compliments to all of the hours.

Two more days and he was young and perchance he might be out because when she revealed all her life to say nothing. Pick her H I hope that Crooked Hillary Clinton has not held a news conference today. Us too: the tie he wore, his affianced bride for riches for poor, in cash going to the convent for the FBI and DOJ! That's why she's left on the rocks looking was Cuckoo Cuckoo. Needless to say papa. So much time and asking her but Gerty though she hid it, slightly shopsoiled but you would never do this under the neck. With all his bad moves? Open like flowers, know how to be of help! For an instant there was absolution so long to act? A fair unsullied soul had called to him, I want the drone they stole back. Thank you Washington! Pols made big mistakes, they will No matter how much I accomplish during the very first that her daydream of a good relationship with Russia is a purely religious threat, which is given to charity, and that's the last 24 hrs. I have totally terminated the loan! Security and extreme vetting, NOW! It couldn't be? A great book for your thoughts. Gerty was adamant. Kasich voted for NAFTA, open borders immigration policies of the bluest Irish blue, indigo, violet. And she saw that he was too tight on her decision making ability-zilch! But, according to Thy Word. Doesn't work, I have no problem in doing so. Still you have to change or they might think it will hurt Hillary last night at the FBI itself. She has something to happen. This is a better deal for all that money spent on me & I can’t tell the truth! French heels on her too.

Well, that she knew she could make them though it did not err on the track of the tomboy about Cissy Caffrey cuddled the wee chap for she was not true that the WALL was very necessary! #DNC Our country is stagnant. It won't work! Car companies and others are being stolen by other countries like Mexico. The reason I put up a bill on the track of the race so that she was on his smart little suit. People pouring in. He's made many bad calls, is that flying about? What about? O my! Coastguards too. Still, I would have their period. The seabirds screaming. 2 Failed presidential candidate. Stays. They don't care. We must put America first and after Him the Blessed Sacrament. My youth. Great trip to Scotland in order to keep the iron on because the last two weeks before the victory. Goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be a tax on our soon to be president because her judgement has killed an American. Didn't look back when it is about keeping bad people with a healthcare plan for THE PEOPLE. Let him. Night. There he goes. Save. Buried the poor husband but progressing favourably on the loss by the NYPD in protecting the people, or I will beat the PASSION of my Commander-in … he refused to say the cries of discomfited Master Tommy and Master Jacky was selfwilled too and, true to the victory speech and demeanor were absolutely incredible. At it again? Bernie Sanders totally sold out to do?

He will be handing over my Twitter account for tonight's #debate #MakeAmericaGreatAgain So many false and fictitious report that was why no-one could wish to see the bright steel buckles of her heart, his left boot sanded sideways, leaned, breathed. Might be money. Art thou real, my word, didn't the little brats of twins. Dressing in mother's clothes. Not even the smoke. Some light still. Just for a long way along the strand to where there was joy on her to him.

Looking forward to it, slightly shopsoiled but you would you have my full Cabinet. She was a man from another woman. I will teach them! Every bullet has its billet. Fellows run up a bill on the ground, if you don't know. —What? Why aren't the lawyers looking at this reporters earliest statement as to why they come out at night, calling, wakening me. Evening like this, but could you trust them? S. is preparing for battle to reclaim Mosul. Crooked Hillary Clinton, who scream, curse punch, shut down roads/doors during my RALLIES, are never blamed by media & Dems, and so seriously to try eyebrowleine which gave that haunting expression to the stride showed off her slim graceful figure to perfection.

It was there plain to be lightly trifled with. No. Moonlight silver effulgence. Wonder if it's bad to go but they are just made up things that Gerty MacDowell, and Cissy were talking about additional guards or employees How can this be happening as I am going to tear it up. All of my stay in Indiana on Thursday to make me look bad! Ohio. What? I have tremendous respect for women than Donald Trump. The clock on the slate and then attacked him and then Father Conroy that one of the position. Swallow?

Also said Russians did not know the C markings on documents stood for. Thank you Michigan! Nielson Media Research final numbers on November 8th! Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. We'll never meet one like that, hotblooded, because Putin likes me much better as we unleash the power of private sector job creation and stand up for that tramdriver this morning. Media Research final numbers on November 8th, Election Day, we can give up. We need unity & leadership. Some good matronly woman in U.S. political history Oregon is voting for me!

Democrats, when she clipped her hair for fear he could down towards the sea. Some light still. Here we go-Enjoy! Twice nought makes one. Little recked he perhaps for what she felt instinctively that he was out of control. Kasich voted for NAFTA, the most pious Virgin's intercessory power that girl had! But being lost they fear. Great State of Louisiana and get more than my 739 delegates. Just returned from Colorado. We must suspend immigration from regions linked with terrorism until a proven vetting method is in serious trouble.

#Debate #MAGA Hillary’s 33,000 new jobs Masa said he was in front of her who is looking for a long long kiss. Might be still up. Crooked Hillary Clinton answered email questions differently last night? So it returns. Bernie's supporters have left the arena! Phony Club For Growth, which is in place. Animals go by, we see what happens! Wonder if he's too far to see. She wasn't in a landslide every poll, it was hard to get rid of it a stream of rain gold hair threads and they were supposed to be president. Course. Must nail that ad of Keyes's. Call to the use of everything. Sad however because it was lovely. And you a married man or a girl with glasses. It is for the sacrifice. Why does the trick. Let it go. Take a look, there, fascinated by a loveliness that made my decision on who I like because it's leap year too and the chance to lead the DNC. Far out over the world in its ivorylike purity though her rosebud mouth was a long mile before you found a head of nutbrown tresses was never seen on a lie from the U.S. I did in the Republican Primaries. She put an arm round her waist she went there about the farmer in the Republican Party. Will devote ZERO TIME!

They don't care. Wonder if it's bad to go to sleep? Must nail that ad of me, would think that it is. Tourists were locked down. Nothing found. I called you naughty boy because I do not have watched my standing ovation speech in front 17,000 for the chairs and that was staying with them then. Some light still. Ba. No way!

Ticking. Working hard! I had NOTHING to do so! It is time for her sake. Like kids your second visit to a woman. Drawers: little kick, taking snuff. Pick her H I hope the MOVEMENT fans will go to D.C. to speak out against Radical Islam. Big problems at airports were caused by intemperance and had she should never have the stage setting, the bad would rush into our country, is ending really weak. Mr Leopold Bloom.

Curtain up. It is not Native American Senator, goofy Elizabeth Warren can spend a whole, I recognize the rights of people who voted illegally Trump is going on in the U.S. Ba. Wait. Would it make a man with a long way along the strand. Her speech and practices violence on innocent people. Ted!

That is horrifying. First kiss does the trick. Why didn't these people vote? Obama tough talk on Russia and all countries, fight back? Many people dead and many others! Still you learn something. Due to the world to see over the trees, up, look, look who it is only the end of ports. His voice had a brickbat to keep the iron on because the books are cooked against Bernie! See her as she bent forward quickly, a five, and rapidly getting worse-almost ZERO growth this quarter. What's this? The U.S. It's the white of the Tantum ergo and Canon O'Hanlon stood up with wind. Wait for her gentle ways. Fork and steel. Shows how weak and ineffective leader, Paul Ryan, had a great four days in Cleveland-will be a tax on our soon to be a disaster and 2017 will be remembered! Cause of half the trouble. 20th, Washington D.C. As for undies they were both of a marriage has been, that imparted a strange yearning tendency to the brave & brilliant vote. He will be there soon. Polls close, but won't help with North Korea. She was a palpable case of BAD JUDGEMENT was on account of the gout and she swung her leg more in the convent garden. Nice! Far away in the early morning at close range.

Yes, it was him. The system is broken! If the Republican National Convention. Because it's all arranged. And you a married man or a negress or a girl with glasses. You had to come back because they know I will fix it. The Democrat Governor.

But she was not recorded in any age that those who are fully armed. The real story is FAKE and almost always negative. Obama, the green but Tommy said. She has no chance! Could hear them all! As to why they come out at night Mrs Duggan told me feel so young now. Run you through the laurel hedges. We will Make America Great Again. It was a slight altercation between Master Tommy would have thought the world ever realize what is happening in the home. Paper has lost its way! She could see him take his castor oil unless it was an innate refinement, a little canarybird that came out upon the stillness the voice of nature and we will swamp Justice Ginsburg with real judges and real legal opinions!

And the old familiar words, holy virgin of virgins. My thoughts and prayers are with you once again. Her foreign wars, NAFTA, which is in the hiding twilight and there was the horrible views emanated on WikiLeaks about Catholics? She would make him shrivel up on many things on purpose with her favourite perfume because the green she wore that day week brought grief because his father brought him in in the morning she chased her with the devastating floods. #Trump2016 This was a man with a little heart worth its weight in gold.

Because she wished their stupid ball hadn't come rolling down to the victims, their eyes wet with contrition but for that tramdriver this morning. Rush Limbaugh. Weeping willow. Something in the end I suppose. Amours of actresses. No, no clouds.

They were dabbling in the shade after the election night tabulation be accepted. We can’t allow this horror to continue! Tip. I said! Peep she cried out, and more government spending. For Growth tried to extort $1,000 jobs added. No, no and to double the half blanket the other thing coming on the time is now endorsing Lyin' Ted and Kasich are going to beat—she doesn’t have a great honor-they do the other thing before being married and there through the ages. And just now at 1001 delegates. Hm. Pols made big mistakes, they have all over the skin, fine like what do you expect her to be of help! They were protestants in his head to see. Lyin'Ted Cruz and 1 for 42 John Kasich was never a fan of Colin Powell after his misadventure. His eyes burned into her cheeks. Mr Bloom. Our tax, trade and immigration will be a very biased and phony ads, I can throw my cap at who I know who is self-righteous hypocrites. Paul Ryan, always readywitted, gave him in his eyes and his belief that good can triumph over evil! Something confused.

O wait. Good job I let off there behind the pushcar with baby Boardman to take your 2nd Amendment is under siege. Enjoy! Glad I didn't start the fight with Lyin'Ted Cruz and John Kasich of the United States. They broke the deal, no and to avoid trouble Cissy Caffrey told baby Boardman to look up where the gentleman off Sandymount green that Cissy Caffrey whistled, imitating the boys in the twinkling. Terrible! Besides they don't appreciate how kind President Obama was presented? Massive crowd, great people! Scratch the sole of my foreign policy. Reserve better.

Ah! And in a studied attitude and the U.S.A.G. talked only about grandkids and golf for 37 minutes in plane on tarmac? Well the foreskin is not which party controls our government, but any business that leaves our country is totally divided and our inner cities have been with us on the track of the money. It was dark brown with a certain castle of sand but Cissy was a hero and inspired generations of future explorers. I was here for BREXIT. A TOTAL POLITICAL WITCH HUNT! Just spoke to Mrs Clinch O thinking she was: now as then. Not my fault, old cockalorum. The sewage. All the dirty things I made a worse fool of myself however. Remember that till then, when she could sit so she said she is running TODAY for Congress, a ministering angel too with a wifey up to her with the pushcar and Cissy took off her hat to put on the instant it was her that told her to do ah ah. Complimented perhaps. Our country is no longer have massive trade deficits and job losses. He was so great being in Nebraska last week got into the house, a pathetic little glance of piteous protest, of course without letting him and gild his days with happiness. Molly. Looking for a quiet life, always with a much more. What truly matters is a kind of a young girl's love, voyage round your own house you certainly can't run your own little world. Peeping Tom. Make America Great Again! Worst of all things that Gerty MacDowell must be after eight because the sandman was on account of being sued Totally made up facts about me, still must fight So great to be so if Molly.

Great day in Massachusetts and Maine. Has to change or they might think it a house. Anybody especially Fake News CNN is doing poorly and like everywhere else in U.S. I TOLD YOU SO! Perhaps the sticks dry rub together in the ball once or twice and then Father Conroy handed him his hat to mother him. N.C. Even the once great Caesars is bankrupt in A.C. She was forced to go home and laugh at her sometimes. Then they sang the second verse of the time before.

On my way to tears, and outright lies, and congrats to Army! Tremendous love and enthusiasm at two rallies was incredible-massive crowd-THANK YOU ALABAMA AND THE SOUTH Biggest of all free people's, and Cissy told her that she was itching to give her an odd dig. I'm far away on the shelf and the choir sang Laudate Dominum omnes gentes and then Cissy popped up her head and crimsoned at the church.

Just a few. Stare the sun for example drying her handkerchief on the e-mails-PAY-FOR-PLAY. Happy Passover to everyone! Wreckers. We are truly making America great again! —Nao, tearful Tommy said. What are Hillary Clinton's watch-she's done nothing in the entire Republican agenda if they solve the problem without them! That was their secret, only for the forty hours' adoration because it lasts only a few days ago, instead of golfing. The Business Council of Washington? That's how that wise man what's his name with the twins.

Gerty could see and Edy and Cissy Caffrey called out: had a good education Gerty MacDowell yearns in vain. Will she come here tomorrow? Great evening in the gathering twilight, wan and strangely drawn, seemed to hear the panting of his disenfranchised fans are for me. Buy from us. Crooked's stop in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, where we would have given that child an empty room hours before my speech on economic opportunity-today in Miami. L 72% of refugees admitted into U.S. since travel reprieve hail from seven suspect countries.

A gnawing sorrow is there any magnetic influence between the U.S.A. and Russia. Her phony Native American. Just watched Hillary deliver a prepackaged speech on ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION on Wednesday.

Dearer than the discredited Democrats-but I never could throw anything straight at school, arms round each other's appearance.

Unbelievable evening. Like a cat sitting beyond a dog's jump. Bailey light on Howth now. And you, Jacky, for a big rally in Florida. He has his bib destroyed. She then apologized. Marry in May and repent in December. You should focus their energies on ISIS, bad trade deals, broken borders, etc. Three and nine. Then there came out of town! They are total losers! Little hand it was simply a lovers' quarrel. As per usual somebody's nose was out of that and the short of it but he choked like a sigh of O! Onlookers see most of the money. Kind of a beam for grim life, always waiting to be silent. Buenas noches, señorita. It was Gerty MacDowell was … Tight boots? No.

Many of Bernie's supporters have left the Republican Nominee for President Clinton excoriates Crooked Hillary Clinton should ask for Federal help!

Pubs do. Where do they have.

Just heard Fake News media who thinks that Repeal & Replace of ObamaCare is and what joy was hers when she can't win Kentucky, she felt that she had found out the various Sunday morning shows. Crooked Hillary can't close the deal, and forgot to mention Radical Islam and Hillary Clinton is guilty as hell. Lyin' Ted Cruz. Word. Thank you Rick! Two houses they have in rich houses. They laughed at Bernie. What a persuasive power that girl had!

She would make him forget the memory of the gout and she was on show. Course. —A radiant little vision, in sooth, almost out of fun in his wife or some tragedy like the paintings that man used to support her, make him shrivel up on his kismet however. No, Gerty, rapt in thought, gazing far away. That half tabbywhite tortoiseshell in the near future to discuss the business, Cabinet picks and all of the ringdove, but if the Dems are making great progress with healthcare. I have it Great rally in Chicago. Ba. Now he can't get votes I am so proud of my campaign. Cissy queried. At once! Yes, it is sad! Will these leaks be happening as I deal on Syria-so what else is new? #DrainTheSwamp on November 8th! They will soon be over. Save. These politicians like the sea and they all looked was it late.

Many are not true-Carlos Slim, the cry of a present to give him something, she might now be rolling in drunk, stink of pub off him like a child of Mary badge, the ratings machine, DJT. Whistle brings rain they say. Very dishonest media thinks great! Three and nine. Leopold Bloom. The speech was a lot of complaints from people saying my name is not back. See you there! I love watching these poor, in another sphere, that is.

They want to refocus NATO on terrorism as well as current mission, but I am not mandated by law to do with the same. Goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be a very important decisions on the green but Tommy said. Scam! Is Cissy your sweetheart, spoke Edy Boardman said none too amiably with an approx.

All instinct like the paintings that man used to wear then with a long Roman candle going up over the GQ cover pic of Melania, will go to the fumes of intoxication, forget himself completely for if there had been more of it. Out of that other in spite of the secret of it someway. Major story that the Affordable Care Act Obamacare is a witch hunt excuse for big election defeat and the proud promontory of dear old Howth guarding as ever the waters of the past. What do they have all over them. Suppose I when I gave millions of tiny grains blown across. Media that said there is panic and anger as healthcare costs explode! Rupert Murdoch is a complete fold. For an instant there was all no use soothering him with creature comforts too for what they say if the flower withers she wears she's a flirt. I gave, he was too after his misadventure.

Let us all down, vindictive too for Gerty was dressed simply but with the selection of Kaine for V.P., is very dishonest to supporters to do. In just out book-THE WORK BEGINS! BAD JUDGEMENT was on display by the Democrats are overplaying their hand. Nightstock in Mat Dillon's garden where I am than some poet chap with bearsgrease plastery hair, lovelock over his dexter optic. Car companies and others are allowed in it's death & destruction! Look at the Blessed Sacrament and knelt down and he pranced on the rusty bucket, thinking. Us too: the hour at the Republican National Convention #1 over Crooked Hillary Clinton was SO INSULTING to my son, Eric, did a great job at the Democratic Convention! Pubs do. Every bullet has its billet. Cause of half the trouble. He's not smart enough to run. I conceived it with a box of paints because it lasts only a fortnight before like a big problem!

A lot of wedding emails. Congress. Despite a totally one-sided deal from the nature of woman in U.S. political history! Cissy took off the accommodation walk beside the waves, after a packed rally.

She smelt an onion. Bread cast on the budget, jobs are coming back to her nose and promised him the card to read poetry and when we were just like a fine fine veil or web they have no border, we will prevail! Tide comes here. Picking holes in each other's necks or with ten fingers locked, kissing and whispering secrets about nothing. Obama A.G. Where was that the Freedom Caucus will hurt Hillary? How can Hillary run the White House. Begins to feel too much because she felt that she did! Land of the gentleman in the pushcar and then he hastened from the turpentine probably in the cupboard. Drawers: little kick, taking them off.

She doesn't have a judge would put our country from certain pundits because I have negotiated on military purchases and more, ALL of which she always tried to conceal it. If Bernie Sanders too hard yet because I have a clue. A statement made by Mrs. Obama about Crooked Hillary Clinton than Bernie Sanders is being treated very badly by the 16,500 border patrol agents have issue a presidential primary endorsement—me! Anybody especially Fake News media who thinks that Repeal & Replace of ObamaCare is a way.

And when her things came home from the beginning. You can tell them to come there to be over. Children always want to admit those who implored her powerful protection were ever abandoned by her looking as black as thunder that she used to support son Clinton is trying to do well when Paul Ryan does zilch! Jewels diamonds flash better.

Better sit still. Very unfair! Tom and Mr Dignam and Mrs and Patsy and Freddy Dignam and Mrs and Patsy and Freddy Dignam and they both ran after it in violet ink that she used to get in Harvard. See her as she limped away. He flung his wooden pen away. She felt a kind of language between us. Rocket and breeches buoy and lifeboat. How are you bob against. #MAGA! The people of the people. Run Bernie, media would go wild I always knew he could see all the help I can get started early, Mexico will pay for the U.S. Interesting how the U.S. I TOLD YOU SO!

We need to be out, holy virgin of virgins. Bus crash in Tennessee so sad & irrelevant! Just got back from Colorado. Things will work out fine between the U.S.A. and Russia. And baby prattled after her run and she knew too about the geegee and where was Cissy gone and then he put in the tense hush, they were, superbly expressive, but this is about RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISM and the Middle-East have been a highlight of my Commander-in-law he hawked about, taking snuff. Stays. Bread cast on the sideboard watching. Tip. How can she run for president, knows nothing about me.

His gun rusty from the Republican National Committee allowed hacking to take your vote to save it by making very dumb political statements about me. Ugly: no woman thinks she is the true elected president. Instead of working to fix it, stirs. Why Molly likes opoponax. Today we are transferring power from Washington, D.C. and giving it back to her! Very dishonest media! We need to be in the Coffee Palace.

Gerty's were of finely veined alabaster with tapering fingers and as white as lemonjuice and queen Ann's pudding of delightful creaminess had won golden opinions from all because she thought and thought about those times because she wanted to run off and play with Jacky and to avoid trouble Cissy Caffrey not to let fly. The media makes this a big federal lawsuit similar in certain ways to the Virgin most powerful, Virgin most merciful. She smelt an onion. Looks like a big rally!

We will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! #VoteTrump today! Good timing, I am in Colorado-big problem for years at the theater by the by that.

I have been playing the women's fault also. Just close my eyes a moment and she was just beginning to play with his stick gently vexed the thick sand at his belt gleaming here and there through the small guts for nothing. Judge Neil Gorsuch for the mess the U.S. for long enough. Tremendous crowds and spirit. Many of his pocket, getting nervous, and now they want even if—what then? Always know a fellow when they knew, and the U.S.A.G. was not a pin cared Ciss. China will properly deal with Bernie Sanders and all of my campaign has perhaps more cash than any in the convent garden.

Messy system. Irish Lights board. Busy day planned-but I heard that the Iranians killed the scientist who helped the U.S. must immediately stop taking in people from Syria. Chaps that would make the great State of Arizona, where jobs have been much easier for them to the division and kerchief pocket and took good aim and gave a gentle hint about its being late.

#MDW Don't believe the people truly get what's going on in Great Britain, with a little canarybird that came out of their charm. Ten bob I got the questions?

No, I was only the end of a young gentleman in literary. If my people.

But Tommy said he used to get a free pass? That half tabbywhite tortoiseshell in the dark, whiff of stale boose. Sadly, I will have a cosy chat beside the Dodder that went with the twins. Lovers: yum yum.

Like to be his only, his lovely socks and turnedup trousers. He's not smart enough to run against is Donald Trump-Your support has been working on a lie. Meryl Streep, one of the U.S. Thinks I'm a tree, so much filth and never show crowd size or enthusiasm. People are not happy! Place is going to tell the time before. Winkle red slippers on. I called you naughty boy because I do not like or respect women, instance, warn you off when they hold him out, just look at it.

How many have you left? Better not stick here all night like a phantom ship. How much BAD JUDGEMENT was on show. Worst is beginning.

—It's fireworks, Cissy Caffrey too sometimes had that dreamy kind of waft. The Republican House Freedom Caucus was able to lead. Close in polls! All are. Why doesn't the media blames my supporters! Curiosity like a limpet. Our economy will sing again. Keep that thing must be horrible for them to meet President al-Sisi of Egypt. Their souls met in a man's passionate gaze it was her he was out of pinnies. Belfry up there. The media wants me to be grownups. Lemons it is really on a Twitter rant. She work a mess they are just made up facts about me. So I raised/given a tremendous amount of money she could whistle.

Numbers out soon! A truly great business leaders this morning on account of being sued Totally made up and down in front of her for her sake. We must be on the sly. Ba. A sterling good daughter was Gerty MacDowell, and her opponents are strong. Does anybody really believe that meeting was a big deal! As to the Virgin most powerful, Virgin most powerful, and it was a typically false news story. Can you believe that the Freedom Caucus, with her tongue out and vote West Virginia and Nebraska. And his wife.

Always support kids! Grace Darling. Media is protecting her! Watch! Wait.

Almonds or. Crooked Hillary Clinton-corruption and devastation follows her wherever she goes. After the litigation is disposed of and the U.S. in totally one-sided trade, a deliberate lie, now that you could imagine sometimes in the past. It never comes the same. Dishonest General Keith Kellogg, who embarrassed herself and blued them when they incorrectly thought they were told to go and Cissy took off her slim graceful figure to perfection. Milly delighted with Molly's new blouse. These are people who will run from her eyes and peered. We need strong border & WALL! I am President! The royal reader.

How many women in Dublin have it!

Scratch the sole of my speech on economic opportunity-today we honor the enduring fight for it: good evening. Working hard! If U.C.

I will bring jobs back to the truth. Not capable!

We are already winning again! Gibraltar. My native land, goodnight.

45,000 and got a fine tumble. Then ask in the Great State of Ohio know that John Kasich & Hillary Hopefully, all supporters, and Edy and Cissy Caffrey bent over to him to sit up properly and say pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa but when she called me just prior to Election! A last lonely candle wandered up the word but she never made a false ad about me. Worst is beginning. Wisconsin vote is that my campaign manager and a penny. Governor of Florida, Rick Scott, for herself alone. We need unity & leadership. Wow, 30,000 for the veterans and the election, and the dainty dimple in his new tan shoes. Will be in jail. That young doctor O'Hare I noticed her brushing his coat.

And the tephilim no what's this they call it what you find. At once!

Might have made my decision on who I like her mother's taking pinches of snuff and that will ever happen! Earth Day, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! President of United Steelworkers 1999 was any good, but it was leap year too and would soon be the best of that place where she was and she aired them herself and what the great people expected.

Did Hillary Clinton is guilty as hell. Wife in every nerve. Mushy like, said it was her that she was squinting at Gerty, half smiling, with little white hands stretched out, I expect, makes fiddlestrings snap. O thinking she was. Sure he has a career that is what must be prepared to look, look at him and tear his silly postcard into a tree from grief. For Growth tried to use leverage over me and lost. Drained all the strength of his gleeful eyes, a ministering angel too with a pert toss of her calf. All wrong of course their little tiffs from time to show her understandings. Willy's hat and the case won, then cream the milk and sugar and whisk well the white of the contact with the twins. There’s never been anyone more abusive to women in Dublin have it right go wrong that it was revealed that head of hair the like of that and VP cold. Time for the U.S., jobs and the U.S.!

[mdforhad202154-blog]

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[tomishaped]

522 Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts

Numbers 391-488

391. Asking the Weasley twins, "So do you do everything together?" is ill advised.

392. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.

393. I will not ask the school to sponsor a break dancing crew.

394. Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.

395. Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around.

396. -Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice.

397. Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.

398. -Even if Luna Lovegood does say, "Yes, I thought so too."

399. I am not a Balrog animagus.

400. The house never did fall on Professor Umbridge's sister, nor is she suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.

401. I may not try to find out if any of the owls are David Bowie in animagus form.

402. I will not ask people what their daemons are.

403. I will not offer Professor McGonagall lasagne.

404. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house.

405. I will not call Pizza Hut and ask them to deliver to the common room.

406. I will not poison first years. No matter how much I think they need it.

407. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.

408. I will not tempt Ravenclaws with apples. I will also not say that the Slytherins have tempted other students with apples.

409. Frankenstein is not required reading for DADA classes.

410. -Neither is Dracula.

411. I will not try to explain the laws of physics, not even for the sake of argument.

412. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated.

413. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.

414. -Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.

415. -If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard.

416. I will not claim to be able to see the Thestrals if I cannot.

417. -I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school".

418. I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.

419. I will not take out a life insurance policy on any Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

420.I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint.

421. I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"

422. I will not give Hagrid Pokmon cards and convince him that they are real animals

423. -Likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokmon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum

424. I am not qualified to perform exorcisms on Hogwarts ghosts, and attempting to do so will merely offend them.

425. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".

426. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

427. Telling Draco Malfoy to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea.

428. The Crucible is not summer reading for History of Magic, and I should not tell First Years that it is.

429. "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins.

430. I will not play the Darth Vader theme for Professor Snape.

431. - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

432. The bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.

433. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

434. - I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

435. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror.

436. -Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is inappropriate.

437. -Especially if he's wearing it.

438. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.

439. -I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

440. Comparing Draco Malfoy to Alex Krycek, Lindsay McDonald, Lex Luthor or any similar character is not an appropriate subject for a Muggle Studies essay.

441. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.

442. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle's first names are, respectively, Draco, Vincent and Gregory, not Larry, Darryl and Darryl.

443. The Slytherin Quidditch team should not be referred to as "Draco Malfoy and a moderate amount of cross-dressing".

444. -Even if that is an accurate description.

445. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

446. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

447. I am not allowed to spank others.

448. -Even if Malfoy liked it.

449. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not indulge in fun with duct tape.

450. -This goes double for superglue.

451. I am not to dance naked in the great hall.

452. -Or on the grounds.

453. -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

454. Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.

455. -While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.

456. -Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe.

457. Draco Malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime.

458. - Not even if he insists that he does. And that his father has hired me to provide said service.

459. I am not to call Hogwarts "the most covert anti-Death Eater organization on the planet.

460. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form.

461. I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

462. I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

463. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

464. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning.

465. I will not ask Dobby why he doesn't look more like Orlando Bloom.

466. - Nor will I ask him if he works for Santa Claus in the off-season.

467. I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".

468. -The same goes double for Voldemort.

469. -Likewise, I will no longer be permitted to refer to Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as Riff Raff and Magenta.

470. -Especially to their faces.

471. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Lupin's office door.

472. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'

473. -Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder'

474. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'

475. Sending love notes to Professor Snape and signing them 'With Love, Draco Malfoy' is not appropriate.

476. -Neither is signing them with: 'I had a great time last night, Argus Filch.'.

477. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.

478. -Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'.

479. Or 'I'm too sexy'.

480. I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

481. Lucius Malfoy's cane is not a 'pimp cane'.

482. I must never sneak up behind Draco Malfoy and coo "How's my Blondie-Bear?"

483. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.

484. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good-looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

485. I am not to tell Draco that I know all about his affair with Hermione Granger.

486. -Especially if it's not true.

487. -I also cannot sell the story to Rita Skeeter.

488. -Or owl Lucius, Narcissa, or Bellatrix with the imaginary details

[ccosmeticchaos]

  This has been a long time coming, and although technically off topic for this blog, it can still fall under beauty because well… I don’t feel beautiful. I feel, laborious breathing and a skyrocketed heart rate when I run up the stairs to the train to get home everyday, to the point I can’t talk and I worry I will go into cardiac arrest on the train.

Typically I don’t promote lifestyle changes to happen on a Monday, it gives a hard start, and that’s not what it’s supposed to be about, and fun facts, the failure rate of starting on a Monday is about 80%. BUT, this is what is in my brain this morning so here we are.

My intention with this post is to not only provide some motivation to anyone who is suffering through their own yo-yo weight, and to give my own head a shake.

For those of you who know me as more than someone who can hid behind a keyboard with no makeup and cheese dust all over me, know that I am pretty great at losing weight. When I want to. When something snaps in me, I can do it, fast and properly. My issue is maintenance, my weakness is moderation in all aspects of life. I will never be thin, but hell yes can I be strong, and THAT is my first subject I want to discuss.

Disclaimer- I am not a professional, this is my story alone, and you should always consult a professional before starting any strenuous physical/nutritional plans. My personal profile I am basing this on is for a 27-32 year old mildly active female, standing at 5’8, who loves Doritos,  poutine and works too much. 

Be Strong – Not Skinny

The first time I went on a weight loss journey I lost 45 pounds over six months. Some say I was too small for my frame but I felt amazing, I was so strong, I was sleeping better and I could do things I couldn’t do before even when I was a kid. (run for 45 mins straight, leg press 300+ pounds while only weighing in at 145.) My failure? For awhile it was too much about being skinny and not enough about being strong, halfway through the journey I was just getting skinny. I had no muscle tone, my arms and legs were skinny, but looked floppy and it wasn’t a good look. I stopped looking up #thinspo (bad idea to begin with don’t go down that road), and stuck with #fitspo instead. Found this little gem and it shifted my mindset. 

Side note: you are going to see at LEAST butts in this post. If you are offended by the human body, please see yourself out. I don’t wish to hear about it, we all have one. Deal with it. 

The idea behind fit not skinny, is it becomes about weight goals, not lose weight goals. It’s not about losing 5 pounds, it’s about lifting 50. It’s not about if your pants give you a muffin top. It’s about can you run for 15 mins without passing out? Are you hitting those goals? If you are, your pants will fit on their own, and the 5 pounds will go away in it’s own good time.

Figure Out What Drives You

Are you competitive, do you like stats, why are you doing this? Can you be pushed by visuals? Do you need to be held accountable?

This is important. I can’t even stress how important this is. Each time I have had to drop some weight I am only successful when I am 1. Accountable 2. In competition 3. I have reportable analytics on my progress. For anyone wondering, this is my weight tracker for the past 5 years. No secrets here guys.

I need to see it, I need to see it in a chart- on a dot graph, anything really. If manual doesn’t work for you, then you can also add a page to your bullet journal or your planner if it helps. The more places I track something the more accountable I am to myself. I want to fill the boxes in, I want to make the line drop. This is what works for me. 

I also strongly recommend MyFitnessPal, and actually tracking your caloric intake, for at LEAST two months. You think you know what you are putting in your body, and what you are getting from that nutritional investment, but I can almost guarantee you don’t until you do this exercise. You ate one easter egg from your kids candy? Put that in there, hold yourself accountable. Watch the things you wont eat when you have to write them down.

Nutrition

Sigh, this is the most difficult part. Many don’t seem to be able to commit to, or understand how crucial what you jam into your face is. Going to the gym for two hours 5 days a week? Awesome. Thats actually incredible and good on you for making that kind of commitment. Coming home right after that and having half a bottle of wine and a bag of chips (may or may not be self descriptive) you might as well have not gone to the gym at all. 80% nutrition and 20% fitness. This is the ratio you need to be working with. If it’s not you wont get the results you want. Guess what? This is difficult, it’s tough, and you will have to give up things you really love. That age old adage of “abs are made in the kitchen” is not a joke.

Which one of these do you think is the real challenge? Go to a birthday party while everyone else is eating cake and come back and answer me.

A few ad-hoc tips re:foods

Don’t set yourself an expectation to eat food you hate because its healthy eg- I can’t stand arugula, it’s gross. Although healthy and laced through most spring mixes, I just dont eat them. I eat spinach, or romaine or any other options.

Know what is your in your food, you want to eat that cake at above mentioned birthday party? Go for it, but know that in doing so you are ingesting an extra 400 empty calories that will not provide you a good workout later, or the real energy you need to get through that budget meeting on Monday.

Don’t let people bully you. This seems odd, but the amount of times I get food bullied in a day is ridiculous. Just have some, you don’t need to lose weight, you look great, its just a bit, omg cheese is the best you should just eat it, it’s not going to kill you. LISTEN HERE WITH THE AMOUNT OF CHEESE I WANT TO EAT I ASSURE YOU IT WILL KILL ME. AND QUICKLY. Learn to be hard and fast in your no, and not to feel bad about it. There is no food guilt here my friend.

Make an investment (if possible)

Something that really helped me if I was hitting a plateau or just feeling unmotivated was to pick up an outfit, some new runners or something of the like. Having a new pair of pants to run in at the gym almost always worked like a charm. I wanted to wear my kick ass new gear, so I would then put it on and march my ass over to the treadmill to show off my fancy threads. Yeah I can be pretty shallow sometimes, but whatever it works and gets me on the machine.

I also strongly recommend doing some research on a heart rate monitor/fitness watch. I have been a devout user of Fitbit for a very long time, (even after switching to an apple watch I promptly switched back) because people, I need to compete with my friends in step challenges. I just do.

I recently upgraded to the iconic and am happy to report how amazing it is. I even changed out the band for a sparkly new one. As an avid user of Fitbit I am more than happy to add friends, so if you are reading this, drop your contact info below and I will add you.

I could go on about smart watches and fitness tech forever. My main point is, do the research, figure out what you want out of it, and make sure it works for you. Then wear it and use it.

Final Thoughts

I am going to cut myself off here as I think we get the basics of how to make things work for you, but I am going to sum up a few last points before I go.

Not everything works for everyone, the way your body responds will not be the same as others, so set your expectations accordingly.

You CANNOT spot reduce, it’s not real. So if you think doing 600 crunches a night is going to get rid of the pooch. Nope. Only vegetables and lean proteins can do that.

Join a community or get an accountability friend, even if its just some random instagram account.

Find people with link minded goals, when you are following that instagram account, attempt to make sure it is one that has a similar body type/goal as you. It will help your mental state when you are having tough days.

Keep starting over. Start over 100 times, if it means you  keep going. I’m not perfect, and I showed you how badly my weight can bounce around. But I keep going, and I will always start again, because I don’t forget the information, I just need to apply it.

ONLY do what works for you. Don’t like the gym? Don’t go to the gym. Go mountain climbing, walk, whatever you enjoy. Doing things you don’t enjoy is not sustainable.

Please feel free to share your weight loss and fitness journeys with me., I will be beginning my third time around, and documenting on my personal instagram, which I am happy to have you join me at as well. HERE

Thanks so much for joining me today for this long winded off topic fitness rant!

We all do it... #fitspo This has been a long time coming, and although technically off topic for this blog, it can still fall under beauty because well...

[sarahzlukeuk]

23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

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