#happy birthday mike!!!!

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

Imagine if Octane Apex Legends Married Splinter From TMNT <3

a lovely and wholesome set of hcs in honor of @seerofmike's birthday

octane has daddy issues, so what could be more appealing to him than a 100% premium grade A dilf like master splinter whomst is actually a GOOD father???

they have their meet-cute in the sewers, of course, because splinter lives there and octane probably likes to run around in the tunnels pretending he's sonic the hedgehog

he was a manwhore and he lived down a manhole what more can i say

heh. manhole

whenever splinter gets groceries he hides a few cans of monster energy under his collection of robes for wise old men monthly magazines so the turtles wont drink them all. for octane <3

(yes, robes for wise old men monthly is actually a soft core porn mag and yes splinter DID model for it in the 80s)

and how does octane bond with his stepsons, you may ask?

mostly he tries to impress them by doing ridiculous parkour stunts to varying degrees of success

mikey thinks octane is fucking sick (and way too cool for splinter, honestly, but whatever, new dad lets him borrow his fraudulent credit cards to buy pizza and video games, so its all good)

leo keeps his distance, partially because it's just Weird to have another dad around all of a sudden, but also because he doesn't approve of octane letting mikey use his fraudulent credit cards because they're supposed to be THE GOOD GUYS and credit fraud is for BAD GUYS

donnie is okay with having octane around bc he makes splinter happy but he REALLY gets along with octanes other legal husband, crypto, because they're both gamer freaks

yes, crypto moves into the sewers too. he already doesnt shower (see: gamer) so it's a lateral move for him really, him and splinter are not married but splinter is cordial to him and crypto mostly just makes vague noises and then crawls back into his fetid gamer cave

raph HAAATES octane at first because he doesnt WANT a new dad, his family was perfect ALREADY and now this HUMAN GUY with SKIN wants to mess it all up and hes PISSED

raph keeps threatening to beat octane up if he hurts splinter or his brothers but octane mostly just thinks its really funny and is like "okay sure kid. do you want your allowance now or at the end of the week" and raph screams and punches the wall

raph keeps hating octane until one day splinter takes him aside and reassures raph that just bc hes married now doesnt mean he loves the turtles any less and raph ugly cries and splinter lets him sit on his lap like a little hatchling and pets his slimy turtle head and after that raph grudgingly tolerates his stepdad (octane is very smug about this)

[kidovna]

reality

[theartlockerlocked]

🐻HAPPY BIRTHDAY FNAF🐻

Yee old grizzly bear.

[imactuallyreallycool]

What a lovely dream

But that what it’ll always be. A dream.

Close ups and stuff lmao

[thegroovyarchives]

The cast of M*A*S*H, 1979-1980. From The Complete Book of M*A*S*H, Suzy Kalter, 1988.

(via: archive.org)

[itspkuwu]

everybody over here talking about zack and cody’s stupid table, but nobody remembers mike’s birthday smh

[smartypantsshow]

What are the WORST birthdays to have? Bad news, folks - it's MOST of the year...

Watch the full episode on Dropout

[redlettermediathings]

[mikesbasementbeets]

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[paladinsbrainrot]

happy 53rd birthday to this dork hope he falls down some stairs next

[astrobei]

he’s very tired after his surprise party btw

[kidovna]

constantly thinking about flickergate

still images below the cut because the gifs turned out extra crispy on tumblr

[hothammies]

happy birthday to my precious boy mike wheeler, who has been blessing my drawings since i was at least 13!

2019 (13) -> 2022 (17) -> 2024 (18)

[minnie-cai]

u swan , he mouse !

[pixlokita]

It his birthday…

[fallensn0wangel]

Happy Birthday love, you deserved SO much better. You can rest peacefully now, Zeke paid with his head.