#happy and unfat

[malamiteltd]

The Esper Woods - Phlex

The Phlex is a nocturnal insect with strong Psychic Force. Similar to a mosquito, it depends on other creatures to get its nourishment. But the Phlex is a much more extreme case than that.

Whenever it needs its vital nutrients, it will fly around at night in search of some unsuspecting, usually sleeping creature. It will then land on their head and inject the Psychic Force it stores in its body, controlling its new host like a puppet. The host will then be controlled to find and consume whatever the Phlex assumes is food, and will continue to do so until it is satisfied. It cannot sense taste through its host, nor can it gauge how full the host's stomach is. It can't even feel pain through the host if they eat something possibly hazardous. And once the Phlex is satisfied, it will detach itself and fly away, leaving the host with an itchy scalp and an exceedingly bad tummy-ache.

In this image, this poor Leppicorn just broke into a human's home at night and consumed a lot already thanks to the Phlex. We can see he's been eating a smoked ham, a bread roll, half a stick of butter, half a carton of egg whites, some cran-mango juice, and part of a can of soda (like, the can itself). We haven't see everything else he's had so far -- half a (still) frozen pizza, dry macaroni, three bananas (peel and all), a cinnamon stick, a box of raisins, the box the raisins came in, and four strawberry-scented wax cubes.

On the off-chance someone tries to swat the Phlex off the host's head, it will utilize the host's body and abilities to defend itself. It could require a lot more motion to do so, and if it goes on too long it could cause the host to awaken. When this happens, it becomes a struggle for the host to regain control of their body while the Phlex tries injecting more of its Psychic Force. It's advised not to kill the Phlex while it controls a host; there is a possibility of brain damage if the control is abruptly severed.

[eleonorpiteira]

Cover illustration I did of Danielle L. Jensen's upcoming book 'A Fate Inked in Blood', for Del Rey

I'm a simple artist, you hire me to draw a beautiful woman with long flowing hair, and I'm happy as can be! I had lots of fun working on this! 😊

Art prints available HERE ✨

[mehiwilldoitlater]

Its me!...part 2 of the Sunstreaker fic?

I think your works are great 2!

Have a great day/night and dont overwork yourself!

"I must say! I'm quite happy to know that you decided to follow us! I never believed that you were the kind of mech that enjoys a good day in the sun; he'll, I never believed that you even like the sun. Which is absurd is in your name, right?! In any case, we've never had such a solo time like this, right? I would love to show you my favorite places, like "

"Blue?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

And so the young Datsun fell into an awkward silence.

How much he hated this situation, and it was just your own fault! 

Why didbyou had to mention that blabbering idiot, especially since you were so eager to get a ride with him!

Well, technically, you asked Sunstreaker first, and he responded that he had no intention to get his interior ruined by any of your fleshy substances. You just shrugged off and went inside Bluestreak. Was he just so easy to leave like that?! Or you just were too patient with him and accepted his request...

Whatever was the main reason, the only thing Sunstreaker was sure was that that day was just wasted, with you two dorks attending to...what was that again?

The small white tents were easily spotted in the green of the park that you were approaching. Smell of candies and fries, laughter, and the eating of some old music from grammophones around...

A second-hand market...great.

"Hey, y/n, "he didn't even try to hide how bored he was." "Explai to me how can you find this stuff interesting."

"Well," you started, "it's just...neat, i guess?" I like old and vintage staff; they have some kind of charm on them."

"Like Ratchet!" You laugh at the Datsun naive comparison of the Medic with some old radios.

Sun streaker observed with a side eye the two of you. Beside how stupid and boring the jokes between you two were, he didn't understand the small bond you shared with his comrade.

He couldn't understand how you did it; keep it up with all of his talking! Not only that, you were kind enough to remind him of the main subject and get him back on track. Your compassion over that bot was commendable, yes, but of everybody, why him?!

He really wanted to accept Hound even with all that earthy loving staff, but that almost like Prowl copy wlaking around was a mystery to him!

" Sun! Are you coming or what?"

And while he was regretting every aspect of this day, he heard your voice calling his half-said name while you and that other idiot were reaching the market.

"It's Sunstreaker! Not sun!" He screamed while reaching both of you!

"It's your name!" Laughed Bluestreak.

"Yeah, I want it all in one phrase."

"Ok, ok, as you wish!"

The place was quite big, and, by the looks on the faces of people, unfatered by Bluestreak turning into a giant robot, it seemed that you two had been usual customers around. A few sellers even greeted him, showing him a few of their newly found vintage products, and he even remembered a few of their names.

Now, that's explained the pile of junk that he had started to pile up in his quarter.

Sunstreaker, on the other hand, felt uneasy around all of these humans. He always claimed to be fleshy-tolerant; he knew that, despite their so many flaws, they could make a few good staffers and there, yet what he felt was different. He felt... out of place. And not only about the market; it was what was between you and Bluestreak. 

He knew that you and the machine were closed; you loved to spend time with the young one, acting more like an older sibling to him, and Sunstreaker Just couldn't grasp half of what you both shared. 

Not like that wasn't his fault somehow...

You did give him so many chances to get closer, and he just dumped them all down without thinking twice, yet you were still friendly and nice to him. He didn't know if you were just stupid or too nice for your own good. 

"Hey Sunstreaker!" Your voice took him back to the real world. "We can go to the arts area if you like! It's not far; I bet you can find something that you like!"

"You don't have to do that if you don't want that."

"Nonsense!" you laughed it off. "We're here together, right? It's a chance to explore that area too!"

"Like in the videogames!"

"YEAH!"

He snickered but tried to hide it immediately. That was a joke that he could understand.

///

He needed to admit it; the area was packed with interesting works and hidden gems. Many of the ones that were working there were artists themselves or re-sellers that somehow ended up there for one motif or another. In many cases, they were artists that no one ever gave them a chance, idiots that could not recognize talent even if smacked with it, or ones that did in fact find some good species and decide to put themselves in the market, less full of pompous conosseures.

He had found himself a few times stopping by, admiring a few of the paintings in some of the small stands, many of them watched by some elderly people that arrowed their eyes once he approached them. Unlike the other vendors, they weren't that used to seeing a giant robot roaming around.

"Find anything of your liking?"

You approached him, watching the same portrait of some geometric forms made with different colors on a black-pitch canvas.

"...I guess..."

"We can ask the price if you want!"

"You couldn't accept it anyway..."

"It can be a future present; who knows!"

He looked at you again, feeling that strange grasp on his spark like the previous day. He tried again to draw you away from him, and you were still there. He cleared his throat, like if there was anything to clear, keep on watching the paintings...even if now it was more like a distraction from his thoughts than something else.

No one was ever able to get him, only his brother. Sideswipe, his Spark Brother, the One with whom he shared not only a life but his Spark itself, was the only mech that he genuinely appreciated. He knew how to get him; he knew that he could speak to him; if no one could, he was the only one.

And then you came in the picture. Sideswipe was good with you, but he was good with everyone. To let him get along with you was natural, and, since his nature, Sideswipe was the main reason why at the beginning you were able to have some time with Sunstreaker, despite his unsoffarable nature.

But then you started to be nice to him, even on your own. You weren't like his brother; you were...softer, brighter.

You were the second person in the universe that didn't turn away even after he treated you poorly.

"You've been awfully quiet," you spoke, checking a small canvas with a few flowers in it. "Something in your mind?"

You were in his mind.

"...nothing serious..."

"...You sure?" You raised your eyebrow, noticing that he had been checking the same paintings for minutes now.

"...well-"

"Y/N! Come here quick!!!"

Bluestreak called back to you, pointing something in the next stand. You suddenly left the canvas, running towards your friends.

Sunstreaker felt...irritated. 

Bluestreak could have every day with them...

Right?

///

You checked the clock again, then started to look around. How hard is it to lose two big chucky robots around?! Well, easily you guessed, since both of them were gone almost an hour ago, but it seemed a little urgent. You didn't actually catch what was happening at the moment; what you knew was that, at some point, you noticed Sunstreaker getting closer to Bluestreak, told him something, and then they both started to walk away. You noticed Bluestreaker making a few gestures to you, like telling you that he was coming back, but that was all.

Now you were there, waiting, hoping that they didn't dump you there.

You started to consider taking the bus to get back home when you noticed certain yellow cars coming closer. Despite noticing that one of the two was back, it seemed strange nonetheless since Blue was the one missing now.

"Hey, it's all okay? You disappeared all of a sudden!"

"Yeah," he said, in a strangely calm and relaxed tone. "There was an issue at the base; they needed him like...pronto."

"Oh gosh! I shouldn't have asked him to accompany if he was that busy today."

"No, no, it was a sudden thing; he said he's sorry that he had to leave like this."

Well, it seemed legit—even if it was quite odd from Blue to just leave you there without a proper farewell to the next days. And, with all the respect of the bot, it was strange that Sunstreaker didn't get the chance to run away from you both, even if it meant more work for him... But, besides the oddity, there was literally no explanation for why Sun should have lied to you. For what purpose then?

You learned that Sun was someone quite difficult to read, even for you, but if he decided to stay, then why question him? 

"Allright, shall we go?"

"Uh?" You looked at him a little buzzed, while he was already pointing to some more stands, specifically one that sold some statues.

"You wanted to see this market; if I leave you alone, I won't hear the end from Bluestreak."

That was...surprising. He, the One that had never accepted one of your invitations, never had hanged around with you or the other, and never partecipated in any of the earthly activities together, had just agreed to stay longer there.

"You know that you don't have tò, right?"

"Yes, you're right."

And with that, he kept on going, while you started to follow him.

///

It was...a nice day! It surprised you..and himself. 

You had a few minutes of embarrassing silence, awkward moments of not taking jokes, and some more miscommunication, but something came out of it.

He finally started to get out of his shell, making some jokes that were both yours, and you learned some more things about him—as him of you.

He seemed more relaxed than ever, satisfied for something even—maybe for the objects that he was able to get that day—that were quite a few, where he even had found the money you'll never know.

You never noticed, maybe because he had done it on such rare occasions, but his laugh was completely opposite from the one that Sideswipe tended to do. While Sideswipe laughed like a thunder, it was strong, warm, and contagious in some sense. Sunstreaker laugh instead was like made of crystals, soft as a whisper and low as a baritone. Sometimes it was hard to perceive it, but it became clear when you managed to notice the small grin on his face when he had just stopped laughing or thinking about something hilarious.

"You need to tell me how you convinced them to take everything at my place!" You exclaimed, sitting while he was riding you back home, some small smooth jazz on his radio.

"I'm persuasive; what can I say?"

You hummed a little, still checking the list that showed how much you, especially him, had bought, while you held your smaller purses in your backpack.

"You know," you broke the silence. "I was that sure that, after Blue had to leave, you would have left me there on my own... I'm happy that you didn't!"

"Oh?" He had an interest in his voice, like waiting for a result. "Why is that?"

"Because you opened up a little with me! I love it—this day, I mean, a lot! We should do it again!"

"Well... technically Ratchet told you to help me to bond... so I guess it's not such a bad idea..I have a few places that I would love to visit."

You accepted the offer right away; almost all of them were art-related, but they seemed reachable even for you. He had explained that, since you really had some sort of kick for art, to help you grow your expertise. It seemed like a genuine motive, so in the end accepting was an immediate reaction.

He dropped you home, not after having a long talk for a few minutes near the sidewalk, just chatting about what you needed to do in the next few days, your future visits, some programs made with other bots, and some usual stuff.

He left only after you had entered your house, showing a gentle side that it was quite unexpected by him.

During the ride back at the base, SunStreaker wasn't nervous about what was going to happen; he was just bothered because the worst-case scenario was a long talk with Prime about his behavior...And maybe a silent treatment from Bluestreak that sounded far too good for his own likely. No, the worst thing in his head wasn't some kind of punishment; it was that the first voice he had heard after turning on his radio was the snickering voice of his twin.

"How did your date go, Sunny?"

"No comments...and it wasn't a date!"

"Ah! And why did you make up an emergency call for Blue then?!"

"He bothered me."

"Ummm, my guesses are that you wanted to stay alone with a certain human, imma, right?"

The long silence, followed by a burst of laughter, was an enough answer.

@prowler-prowlz

[ravenwitch45]

Heyyy!! Could you do Crimson x a single young dad read (like late 20s) who's pretty tired?

Sorry if this is a lot to ask!

-Laughs In Karmic Justice- Multisexual awakening bitch! I love this idea, not only for that but the idea of Crimson seeing a healthy Father/Child relationship and it cracking his heart a little, oh I love this so let's get into it!, and no this isn't a lot to ask, this sounds really fun!

Crimson with a young tired single dad s/o around their late twenties

Crimson didn't often go out to take care of buisness himself, but sometimes when someone owed them money if they were pretty helpful in the past, he'd go out to make sure he got it handled with a delicate, (And usually unfatal touch)

This was one of those times, a owner of a daycare ironically enough, and before he confronted the owner he decided to take a smoke in the currently empty waiting room, it was near closing time so he'd have the owner alone soon enough.

But then you stomp in with a sigh the moment he starts his lighter, almost stumbling over to a seat before leaning your head back with a groan, Crimson practically freezing at the sudden entrance, before you tiredly look at his lighter, noting how he probably shouldn't be doing that here.

He sighs, putting it back, saying something a long the lines of force of habit, and you chuckle weakly at that, joking his job must suck worse then yours if he's bout to smoke right before picking his kid up.

He corrects you, that he's not here for his kid, ignoring how his head bitterly goes to Moxxie almost immediately, and you raise a brow, getting the explanation that he's a friend of the owner and here to talk, and you just give a okay, not your business really.

You talk a bit more together over general stuff, before the door opens and a kid runs up to you, eagerly yelling Daddy and you pick them up in a hug, Crimson noticing how your tiredness all but melts away upon the kids entrance, and he looks away a bit from the sweet moment that looks all too famliar. The Kid asks who your new friend getting you to chuckle, saying just someone who gave you a good chat, before asking for his name, he answers, and you leave saying you hope you see eachother again.

You do actually, finding out you work at a factory he also has ties with, which is good cause Crimson honestly can't get you out of his head, he explains it away from how much you and your kid reminds him of his late wife and Moxxie, but the more he get's more odd one on one encounters with you, the more it's clear just you tugs at something inside him.

He spends way more time then he can excuse thinking of you, refusing to put any word like attraction to the feeling, and him momentarily considering asking Chaz for advice, makes him push it down further, clearly he's being stupid if he's considering such a thing.

Still he welcomes any encounter with you, talking with you as long as feels natural, until one time when he's paying a visit to the day care owner again (Cause they can't pay on time to save their life almost) where you show up to tell them your kid won't be there for a bit, apparently spending time with a relative, and your happy to find Crimson there.

You awkwardly ask if he'd like to go out sometime, saying he can take it as a date or just hanging out, admitting that you've been needing a break from everthing for a bit, and since he's the closest thing you have to a friend at the moment you want to spend it with him. Crimson ignores that he's blushing, saying he'd make time if you'd really like that. Also ignoring how he's not all that against considering going out on a date with another guy.

You smile before heading off, thanking him for being such a good friend, and Crimson keeps his composure, but then immediately loses it upon getting home, dragging Chaz into his room upon calling him over and yelling "How do you get ready for a possible date?!" Cause man is he clueless in the modern age.

Chaz helps out (After laughing his ass off of course) getting Crimson to settle on a bit more of a modern look, though pretty modest all things considered. leather jacket, some jeans and boots, and a sweater, nothing too much. Though you compliment him when you see it.

Overall Crimson enjoys the time with you, thoroughly unsure what direction you want this hang out to go, you going around to several clubs, giving you two plenty of time to have fun despite how awkward he feels.

Eventually you ask if he'd like to dance, he stammers and blushes a little, mumbling in agreement before you pull him onto the dance floor.

It's slow, to fit the music, you holding eachother close before you notice how much he's blushing, you ask if he's okay, hoping he's having a good time too.

He admits that while he is enjoying... whatever this is, he's not sure how to feel about wanting you with you, having never been interested in men before and not ever expecting to want one like this.

He abruptly goes silent when you cup his face, saying you didn't expect to want some overdressed smoker you met in a daycare, but that here you are nonetheless, saying it with a warm smile that is all too enticing.

Crimson kisses you passionately, pulling you closer ignoring all the awkwardness he feels for the time being, just to be here with you for a moment, you return the kiss, not minding the stray glances you get from the other club patrons.

After that you figure out a relationship, trying to see eachother when your busy schedules allow, and while he has no issue with you being a father, he admits he has to work that part of himself out if you want him to co parent with you, which your fine with, if he wants to get to know your kid like that that's his choice after all.

Overall it's a pretty sweet relationship, though expect to get teased a little by Chaz, though that's mainly at Crimson himself. Either way he's happy to have you, and your kid, whatever happens on that end.

Okay I really enjoyed doing that one! Sorry if it turned out a little long, just had an idea and it flowed out XP Sorry if I didn't do the dad angle as much as you wanted, just kinda wanted to make it clear reader had a life outside there kid and that it's good for them sometimes. Also enjoy some extra flustered Crimson cause I know yall love that sometimes XP

[sofiasjornal]

Hi everyone! Here’s the final 2024 update with everything I read this year!

I always loved to read, but somewhere along the line (also called life...) I lost the habit of it. I lost the joy of it. 2024 was the year I decided to get that back, and oh boy, did I get it back! I am so glad I got back into reading and found this incredible series that got me through the bad and good times! Amazing characters that gave me strength to endure the hardest of times (Aelin forever, my queen, I will bow to you no matter what!). So here we go!

Throne of Glass 7/7 (Sarah J. Maas) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (all-time favorite!) ACOTAR 4/? (Sarah J. Maas) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Crescent City 3/? (Sarah J. Maas) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Shatter me (Tahereh Mafi): ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Crowns of Nyaxia 2/4 (Carissa Broadbent): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Shadow and Bone (Leigh Bardugo): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Six of Crows (Leigh Bardugo): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite) King of Scars (Leigh Bardugo): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite) The Cruel Prince (Holly Black): ⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Familiar (Leigh Bardugo): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite) Alex Stern 2/? (Leigh Bardugo): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite)  The Empyrean 2/5 (Rebecca Yarros): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite) Hidden Legacy 1/5 (Ilona Andrews): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Bound and the Broken 3/? (Ryan Cahill): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (favorite) Harry Potter (JK Rowling - reread): ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Powerless 2/3 (Lauren Roberts): ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Moonfall 1/? (Sarah A. Parker): ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Blood And Ash 5/6 (Jennifer L. Armentrout) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Fresh and Fire (Jennifer L. Armentrout) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Of The Faithful And The Fallen (John Gwynne) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Sacred Stones (Kate Golden) ⭐️⭐️⭐️✨ Saga of the Unfated 1/2 (Danielle Jensen) ⭐️⭐️⭐️ The Awakening 1/? (Jennifer L. Armentrout) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Gods & Monsters 3/7 (Amber V. Nicole) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨ (favorite) Kindred’s Curse 3/4 (Penn Cole) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

It was one hell of a ride! Let's hope 2025 brings us another round of incredible stories to brighten our year!

Happy 2025 everyone!

[bareniceeycities]

To my dearest little Jamie,

You deserve a place here in my safe space, my love. Not a pleasant way to introduce you to everyone, but you deserve to be known and remember, my bibi.

--

It was morning of March 22nd when you greeted me with two pink lines. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko, but I know from that day, babaguhin mo yung buhay namin. I decided to tell your Daddy of our good news. Ginising ko s'ya and I can still remember how genuine his smile was when he saw our PT, Bibi. He hugged me so tight, that I cried. Tinanong pa nga n'ya ako kung bakit daw ako umiiyak. I cried because I felt how happy his heart was. Mixed emotions, because you brought so much joy in our hearts that day.

Your Daddy and I still couldn't believe you're here, so after a few days, we went to the doctor to check on you. From that ultrasound monitor, I saw your tiny body, with a healthy heartbeat. I even told the doctor, "wow totoo po pala talaga s'ya no?" and your daddy naman saying things like, "parang last time ko nakarinig ng congrats nung graduation ko pa ah?". We both laughed and joked about it, but I know deep down, he is excited, too.

We waited for weeks before we told your Lolo and Lola, titos and titas and your future ninongs and ninangs about you. Sobrang shocked sila, bibi ko, but they were so happy and so excited to meet you! Mas excited pa nga sila sa amin, bibi ko. Can you imagine how lucky you are to have these people around you?

But then, after a few months of carrying you with me, God turned to us and said, "Anak, I have other plans for the both of you."

We were supposed to have you checked again for your gender but on that unfateful night, the doctor said she couldn't find your heartbeat anymore and possibly, that your heart already stopped beating for a long time… I was lying on the clinic bed staring at you on the monitor, in shocked and heartbroken. Daddy was there too, bibi. He was holding my hand, wiping my tears and hugging me as I tried to gather my thoughts. I felt like a huge, thick, black blanket covered my whole being and every went on mute when it finally hit me.

As soon as we went home, I rushed to your Lola and cried so hard, so hard that I started questioning things. Where did I go wrong? Is it something that I did? Have I not been good enough of taking care of you? Why does it have to be me? Why did God let this happen? We even asked for a second opinion hoping that you were just asleep or there could be something wrong with the ultrasound, but no. Daddy and I went home together, crying. Heartbroken kami ni Daddy, bibi ko..

After a few days of waiting, sabi ni Doctor need na kita i-deliver, so Mommy had to take meds to get you out. I was in labor for an hour, and kahit sa huling pagkakataon, hindi mo hinayaang mahirapan ang Mommy. Ang bait bait mo, never mo akong pinahirapan..

You were surrounded by the most wonderful people, bibi ko. Everyone is waiting for you. You have brought me so much joy for a few months that I had you within me. Having you filled our hearts with so much hope, love and appreciation for life. But, I still cannot put my grief and sadness into words and not a day goes by na hindi kita naiisip saka naalala. I miss you everyday, bibi ko. Hindi na naiyak ang Mommy, but I'm still sad and heartbroken. There will always be a hole in my heart with the shape of you, my bibi.

Today should be your due date, or baka nga lumabas ka na even before your due date. Christmas this year should be special because of you, pero God had other plans for us, bibi ko..

Thank you for making us the happiest parents even for a short time, my love. Hindi maipinta sa mukha ng Daddy yung happiness nung nalaman nya na dumating ka na. He worked hard for you, bibi ko, until the very last day we had you and days after that. He loves you very much and misses you everyday, bibi ko. Super.

Sorry Mommy's love wasn't enough to save you. Everyday, lagi ko pa ding iniisip na I could have done something. There are things na iniisip ko pa din, sana hindi ko nalang ginawa, baka siguro nandito ka pa din. And this saddens me even more kapag naiisip ko.

Pero thank you, bibi ko. Because of you, I learned how to strenghten my faith with God. Everyday kitang pinagpa-pray, wishing na every offered masses, lighted candles and kisses would reach you. I will carry you in my heart wherever I go, Mahal ko.

I know there will be another time for us, bibi ko and when that day comes, alam kong hindi mo na kami iiwan. Please come home soon, when the time is right again. I know angels will guide your way home to us someday.

I love you so much, Jamie ko. Everyday. Always and forever. My love for you is deeper than the ocean, brighter than the sun and countless like the galaxies in the universe. I will never forget how happy you made us. You will always and forever be remembered, my love.

We miss you, my little boy, our little Itnok, my little angel. 🤍🐣🌻

[cesaredagger]

010125

Dear non-incessant pool of experiences,

It's the New Year today. Here, to one more year and beyond! I woke up around 7am, only to check a special message;

"""

Happy New Year, babe! 💜🌻✨

Thanks for being the friend I never had and for always being there. You comfort me, you calm me—you’re like the ocean to me. Your presence is a gift.

I hope I never mess this up. 🥹🐥

btw I finally saw you in my dream today🙈

"""

Mark this was at 0707. I do love the number 7, maybe 'cause it was my roll number and identity for 10 years.

He called me but I was fast asleep 😴 💤. Idr what we talked. Prolly just wished each other.

Then I woke up at 9am finally. I texted everyone ik 'a happy new year 2025' message. I went upstairs cleaning and shifting the last bit of things. I set up most of my dailies into wall cut-out cupboards. It's a huge one and I for all reasons love it ❤️.

The attached washroom is clean and tidy. I got a call from Google and finally talked to him for almost an hour. Finally, we talked properly and got to know that entire December was a string of unfateful health issues of his parents and he got tinnitus for godsake!

My goodness, thank God, his sister is healthy and should remain rightly so. I hope aunty's arthritis is not spreading and uncle has a better left side. His nerve tissue should recover asap.

Then, I talked to my bou for quite sometime. Then, I called a really annoying person with eagerness to show my dress but he was already surrounded by a ton of dresses. I talked to mama for an awfully long time but yes, I felt good. I took a shower and went for lunch. I had a hearty lunch and really tired of the grunt work, I wanted to sleep. But well you know who called? That same annoying person. We looked for his sneakers and he says "he is picky" but picks up olive, green or brown colors only. Man, he is predictable and has a bad taste in style I suppose. I think I have to make his color analysis chart. I have to take him to shop with me. Anyhoo, I cut off the call. Idr why? Because he said something annoying.

I woke up around 1830 and completed setting up my space around 1930. It's when I got into a call with family. It was calm and soothing. Then around 2020, I started chatting with 'you know who'. He ordered me a pretty green packaged hot chocolate from CCD. Let's just say, the packaging made my day. I had food from North mess, yuck! I talked with chhota and bada Tejas. Pretty not good chat!

I drank the hot chocolate 🍫 and we started chatting, sending cute little poems, him regarding me a poem- nobody has ever said that to me! I am a poem :) a poem written so beautifully that tough men cry.

A lot of nok-jhok and pretty cute reels and WhatsApp chats and it continued for hours. We do really loose track of time. Man, we need to set us a TT.

It's a New Year so let's just sleep with a beautiful smile 😍 😊

"""

Just woke up from a nap and realised ki...With each day, I'm missing you more n more.

"""

Him talking about photography:

"""

for me it's a feeling. I don't have a technical explanation for that. I don't even have a technical expertise in photography... I just follow my heart.

I have never taken a single photo in my life with a professional camera.

"""

"""

Exposure

Brightness

Shadows

Structure

Curve

Sharpness

Highlights

Contrast

Hue

Temperature

Grid

Optics

Perspective

Etc etc

"""

Him talking about his muscles:

"""

I rarely isolate my muscles. Everything you see is from pushups, dips and squats.

If I do isolation... I'd look like a bodybuilder

"""

Him talking about his poem:

"""

Some people find some poems so beautiful because they relate it..they understand it..for some it's nonsensical.

"""

"""

So you're that poem

Fuck man.

I'm talking like the protagonist of an anime love story

"""

"""

Like the poem I love no matter what. In every form.

"""

"""

I'm seeing this side of me because of you

"""

"""

Because by default my feelings settings have max sensitivity.

Whether it's pain or affection. It's intense for me.

The things you keep saying lately

And confessing

They're enough for me

I can die peacefully

But obviously...as time grows. We'll know each other more, I'll fall you much harder. Abhi from the scale of 1 to 10. I feel like 9 but I'm actually at 6. It'll be 10 in months

"""

Regards,

your most decadent being

[cacalowee]

꒰ ΣMPƬY LӨVΣ ꒱

azriel x f!reader

synopsis : decades after you left azriel, searching for freedom, he finally goes to visit you, in hopes that you're willing to be friends, but unexpected heartbreak sends him tumbling through a lifetime's worth of memories

warnings : angst, fluff, sadness, suicidal thoughts, trauma, cursing, death

word count : 5,601

notes : ok, so this is something I've been thinking about for a while and I think I've finally got it all down. this was supposed to be a painfic that would help me deal, but I think it has also become more than that if that makes any sense? i don't know if I portrayed his pain well enough, but hopefully you like it

enjoy your reading

cal xx

It had been fifty-five years, three months, and twenty-three days since you left him, moments after the mating bond snapped into place. Every single second since then, Azriel could feel the link connecting you both fade slightly due to time and distance. Occasionally, he would think to tug on that bond, hoping there would be a reply on the other end, but then your wishes come to mind and he refrains himself, forcing himself to put his energy into something else.

And now, he couldn't feel anything. Over half a century later, the bond has faded to near-nothingness, except for the faint tendrils of light that were the memories both of you shared during your time together. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he liked to think that the faint connection he felt was you thinking of him from miles and miles away. But the reality was much harsher, the light being his own thoughts trying to fill in the missing hole in himself.

Fifty-five years, three months, and twenty-three days after that unfateful day . . .

"Az?" you whispered softly, brushing your hand softly over his as you turned to face the breathtaking male laying down next to you on the roof of the House of Wind.

"Hm?" he murmured, turning your hand over so he could hold it gently. His eyes found yours and you stared deep into the warm amber color of them, mesmerized. It didn't matter how often you saw the comforting shade, they would always be striking.

"The stars are pretty tonight," you said, your gaze drifting over his shoulder for a moment before snapping it back to Azriel's eyes. The stars you had caught in that brief glance were . . . breathtaking. You had always loved the night sky, but experiencing the stars every night in the Night Court was an absolute dream come true. The stars glimmered against the dark purple of the sky, shining their light down on you and your lover, lighting up his hazel colored eyes. Azriel hummed his agreement, his eyes not straying from your own for one second.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked quietly, noting the slightly faraway look in his eyes. Like his mind was galaxies away, but his body was left here with you.

"Just you, as usual. You're beautiful beyond words. And I love you so much," he whispered, pulling your joined hands toward his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of yours.

You smiled, "You're more gorgeous than the stars could ever be, and that's saying something. And I love you more." 

Azriel tilted his head back and laughed freely, not agreeing with your sentiment, but reveling in the love that he felt from you anyway. When he looked back at you again, there was something different on your face. There wasn't a single glint of sarcastic humor in your eyes, the warm shade filled with pure joy and love. And Azriel would give away the entire fucking world for you to always feel that way. You were his entire world anyway.

His breath hitched as there was a sharp tug on his heart—his soul—and a blinding light erupted behind his eyes. When he blinked the brightness away, there was a warm glow in his chest and he felt the glowing bond connecting both of your closely intertwined bodies.

In that moment, he felt an unreal amount of joy. There was nothing in the world that could trump that level of happiness and love he felt at that moment. Because it was something he never thought he could have for himself. He had never thought the impossible would happen to him.

"You're my mate," he breathed, still not believing the worlds coming out of his mouth in a rushed gasp. You turned extremely still in his embrace and for a moment, he let himself hope that you would lean in and tell him you accepted the bond.

But the things he wished for tended to avoid him.

You disentangled yourself from him, releasing his hand that you had clutched so tightly moments before.

"What?" you asked, almost regretfully.

"We're mates."

You stared at him for almost an eternity, the sorrow in your eyes nearly breaking him. You had been so happy moments before. And he had screwed it up.

"No."

No, such a simple word that can hold so much meaning. Too much meaning. Azriel held his breath, trying to numb his body so he wouldn't feel the inevitable stab of pain in his chest. The lack of oxygen made no difference. There was a dagger buried deep in his heart. He was dying. He was sure of it. The pain felt so real, and he knew subconsciously that it was real pain. Excruciating emotional pain.

"No, I'm so sorry, I can't do this."

Azriel couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe or think or come up with a rational response. All he could do was stare blankly at you, hoping that this entire thing was a nightmare he would wake up from and be able to hold you tightly in bed next to him.

"I—It's too early. I-I can't do this right now," you stammered, staring at a spot on the rooftop in front of Azriel, but he still caught the tears lining your eyes. "I-I want to live life, I want to experience things. I didn't think this would last this long, but if I had known . . ."

With every word out of your mouth, Azriel felt a small part of him die. He remained quiet, not sure what to say or how to say it. Even if he did, he wasn't sure if he could say it.

"Please. Az. Please know that I love you so, so much. I don't think that I would be the same without you. You truly have changed me and I wouldn't have traded our time together for anything. But this wouldn't have lasted. You know that. You're the spymaster of the Night Court and I'm just a random faerie who you met a few years ago," you felt the tears burning in your eyes, but you refused to cry, you didn't want to taint this moment any more than you already have.

"Your status doesn't matter to me. Not at all. I love you no matter what," he whispered, unable to stand the thought of you thinking that you were less than him. You weren't. In fact, you were better than him. You were all the things he was not. You were kind, loyal, funny, and an exceptional friend. You would stay behind and check up on others if you knew they were struggling. You would lend a hand whenever you could, not expecting any type of reward or acknowledgment for what you had just done. You were too good for him. Maybe that's why you were leaving. Because you had finally realized that.

"I know that. You were always special that way. But, apparently, our time together is up. I'm so sorry, Az. But, please, let me go. I want to experience life. I don't want to settle down and not know true freedom. I've been trapped all my life. Please, give me a chance to live." Your gaze slowly drifted up to meet his and he felt the remaining bits of his heart shatter at the absolute heartbreak written clear on your face.

"I love you so much, but please, let me be free," you whispered, the hot tears sliding down your cheeks no matter how hard you tried to repress them. Azriel reached out for your hands, finding them in the dark. He couldn't deny that wish. He knew about your childhood, how you were locked away and confined by the strict rules of society. He could understand your need for freedom. And he couldn't deny you.

"I understand. Be free. I was never in change of your freedom, y/n. You were. You could have left whenever you wanted. But I love you so much too. I hope you know that. If and when you ever decide to come back, I'll always be here waiting. No matter what happens or how much time has passed. Know that you will always have a friend in the Night Court." Azriel pulled you in tight for a final hug before releasing you. He offered you a sad smile and your lips wobbled for a moment before you threw yourself at him and held him tightly.

"Thank you so much, Azriel. For our time together. I will come back. I promise. Maybe in fifty years. Maybe less. But . . . come and find me if you want, after half a century has passed. I know you can. And, I think I would be ready by then." You pulled back and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before pushing yourself up to standing.

"Goodbye, Azriel," you said, looking down at him for what would be the last time. "I love you."

He watched you leave, watching as every step you took that led you further away from him left his heart even more shattered than before if that was possible.

"I love you more," he whispered, the night his only witness as he kept his eyes on your retreating figure.

It had been over half a century. Maybe you had truly forgotten him, the fading bond solid proof of that. Or maybe you still weren't ready. Or maybe you found someone else, someone who could fulfill your need to be free while loving you unconditionally.

But you had promised to come back. At some point. And he knew you well enough that you would never break a promise.

So he would try to look for you.

Even if you didn't want him, he could at least make sure you were safe and happy. All he wanted was for you to be safe and happy.

Safe and happy . . .

With your face in mind, the memories of you barely dimming after five decades apart, Azriel sent a burst of his shadows out into the world, searching for the other half of his soul.

+ + +

It had been two days since he sent his shadows and spies out into the different courts to look for you. There was a solid possibility that you had traveled beyond Prythian and gone to the Continent for a sense of freedom.

But no matter what, he would find you.

In any world, time, or space.

With you constantly on his mind, he couldn't bring himself to read through the reports his spies sent him for another job that Rhys sent Az on. To him, that was secondary to the news of your wellbeing.

Azriel rubbed his temples and stood up from his desk, feeling the blood rush from his brain, likely from the lack of proper sleep or food. He stood there for a moment, orientating himself before stepping out of his office.

He walked down the halls of the House of Wind, not paying any particular detail to his surroundings, a first for the Spymaster of the Night Court.

He numbly walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea from the teapot that was half full on the countertop. It didn't matter that the drink had been cooling for hours and was now room temperature. All he needed was a distraction.

"Az? I thought you were in the Winter Court working on something for Rhys," Cassian said suddenly, making Azriel jump slightly from his spot leaning against the counter.

"No, yeah, I came back early. My spies can retrieve the information easy enough," he replied.

Cass peered closer at Azriel's face, noting the dark eye bags and half-lidded eyes from his poor sleep schedule. "You okay? When was the last time you took a break and rested?"

Azriel shrugged, not caring to remember when he last cared for his wellbeing. He could lie and say a week ago, but Cass wouldn't believe that. Az didn't know when the last time he had a full night's rest was. Probably before you left, if he was being honest with himself.

Cassian sighed, tossing him an apple from the fruit basket near the oven. "Eat that or I'm reporting it back to Rhys."

"Report what? My eating and sleeping habits?" Azriel retorted, though his tone and expression weren't matching the teasing words.

Cassian offered him a concerned look, but didn't say anything further. "Just eat. And take the rest of the day off too. You look dead, Az. Please, go rest. Let your spies take over for the next day or two. Like you said, they got it."

Azriel stared blankly at his brother, screaming at himself to agree to his terms, but he couldn't lie to Cass. Both of them knew that once Cassian left the kitchen, Az would head straight back to his office and skim through more papers that he wasn't remotely interested in reading.

But less than a second later, Azriel's entire demeanor changed when a swarm of his shadows rushed into the room, their song blending in with one another until he called one shadow forward to relay the entirety of the information. 

His heart was alight with hope, the thought of his mate making it lighter than it had been in decades.

"Az? What is it? The Winter Court?" Cassian asked, his eyebrow cocked at the massive gathering of darkness in the room.

"No, something much more important. Excuse me, I have to go. See you later, Cass," Azriel breathed as his shadows rushed after him, content to trail him on his way to you. As he ran through the halls, desperate to reach a balcony, they whispered and sang your whereabouts into his ear, one of them mentioning a letter addressed to you found the Day Court. 

To only think, you were only a court away.

Azriel raced toward the open balcony doors, not bothering with niceties as he ran past a confused Nesta.

His wings automatically unfurled the moment he stepped outside and he was up in the air within seconds. He didn’t look back as he flew for a whole day straight toward his mate.

His mate . . .

+ + +

Azriel landed in a small village, the name of the town the only thing written on the letter besides ‘Day Court’. After twenty-six hours of straight flight, he landed in a clearing in the forest near you, his breaths coming in fast from the sheer exhaustion and excitement. He practically ran into the village, noting nothing of significance. He walked around for a few hours at first, hoping to catch sight of you meandering along the roads, doing whatever it is you wanted.

But after a while, he realized despite the size of the town, the fae there were numerous.

At first, he only asked a select few people about you, trying to keep his search a secret, but the more people who gave him a confused look and the more time that had passed made Azriel more desperate to find you.

After a few more hours, he was asking anyone and everyone he saw on the street if they had even heard of you, but most of the people he talked to shook their heads no and left on their merry way. Some offered sympathetic glances or arm pats, but no one went as far as to help him look. 

Of course not. Who would help me?

He snorted at himself when that notion first came to mind, but then the thought increasingly turned sadder until he started to flat-out sprint just to avoid his thoughts. When Azriel reached a bar toward the center of town, he walked in, thinking that if no one had heard of you, he could at least have a drink and hopefully calm his speeding heart.

When he walked in, he noticed what he thought was a tavern was actually a diner. And a bar. The diner-half was full of smiling and laughing faeries, all enjoying their time together. The bar-half was almost empty, save for a few fae who looked a couple glasses drunk. And who could blame them? It was midday, the second day of Azriel's search for you, and the servers had no one else to attend to.

Azriel sent his shadows skittering to the different corners of the diner / bar, hoping they blended in with the shadows of people eating and chatting. But the agitated mass of darkness only darkened the room and sent a wave of chills across every body in its path.

Azriel walked up to a group of females chatting animatedly over a light lunch and cleared his throat.

He softened his stance, trying not to seem too intimidating. He needed people to talk to him. Azriel dropped his arms to hang casually at his sides and relaxed his facial features to give the allusion of serenity. Or something close to it.

“Have you heard or seen of anyone named y/n?” he asked when the females turned to him. Tucking his hands behind his back, he shifted uncomfortably under their gazes as they stared at him for a few seconds.

“No, I’m sorry. We don’t,” one of the females said, offering a sympathetic smile before turning back to their friends.

“Ok, thank you,” he said quietly before heading off toward the next table. Before he could take another step though, he caught sight of a female carrying a tray of drinks headed right for him.

He quickly stepped out of the way as she walked right by him and placed the drinks on the table of the females he just left.

“Uh, hi?” she said, her greeting sounding more like a question. She tilted her head. “Did you need something?”

“Yes, actually. Do you know anyone named y/n?” Azriel asked, knowing the answer before it left her mouth. Of course it would be a no. Then he would continue on asking everyone in town for someone who seemed to not have existed to them. Maybe the address was wrong. Maybe Azriel went to the wrong town. Maybe, maybe, maybe . . .

But before he turned away again, the female who had been carrying the tray of drinks touched his arm. He whirled toward her, confused for a second before catching a glimpse of the tears lining her eyes.

“Are you a friend of hers?” she asked and Azriel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was getting closer to seeing you again.

“Yes, sort of,” he said, not caring to elaborate on their situation.

The female’s eyes clouded over with grief and Azriel’s stomach turned. “We were friends over a decade ago. She was amazing. When she first got here, I knew she was a good person from the start. I think she had been traveling Prythian, just exploring.”

Azriel knew the reason for the explanation, but he wouldn’t let himself dwell too much on it. It couldn’t be true. This female must have the wrong y/n.

“I’m so sorry, but she died a dozen years ago during one of Hybern’s raids. She died fighting and protecting my baby sister. And I owe everything to her.”

Azriel’s world stop. His entire self stopped. He stopped breathing and his heart stopped for a second as well. He could’ve sworn time itself took a break just to absorb this new piece of information.

You were gone. Dead.

You had died protecting a young female, a hero til the end.

“She was an amazing person though. I hope you know that,” the female said, offering her condolences. That word shouldn’t hurt so much. Was. You were dead. You were past tense. Was. There one second and gone the next. And then you become a was. 

Azriel nodded stiffly, expressing thanks and walked quickly out of the diner, trying to staunch the waves of emotions rushing over him.

No, no, no.

You couldn’t be dead. There was no way that was true. Because . . . because if it were, that meant that—

It meant that half of his soul was gone as well. It had left the second you had passed on and entered the next world. Maybe that was why the bond had faded so much. To the point where he had to delude himself into feeling the shimmering rope that tied both of your souls together. The bond that was no longer there and hadn’t been for a dozen years.

Desperately, he tried feeling for that link between the both of you, but he was grasping for empty air. There was nothing there anymore.

A sob ripped from deep in his chest, the pain radiating throughout his body. He tried taking in a deep breath, to clear his mind, but his knees trembled and he felt hot tears clouding his vision.

Dead, dead, dead.

Tears wracked his body as he lifted his wings in the air and pushed off of the ground in a solid wing beat. He was flying blindly, no set destination in mind. His tears ran down his cheeks in streams of pain, the wetness dripping off his chin.

You had never known the full intensity of his love.

That was all Azriel could think of as he thought about your last night together, the words coming to his lips, but not daring to escape. You would never know.

And that harsh reality struck him like lightning and he found himself dropping from the sky. He plummeted toward the ground, not a single fiber in him caring.

Instinct kicked in at the last second and he spread his wings to slow his fall, his knees buckling on impact. He didn't care.

His legs trembled and he crashed to the ground onto his knees, his head dropping down in defeat. Az let his wings relax and drag on the ground, not caring about any stupid, fucking Illyrian rules.

He sat there for a while, letting the tears come and go, letting himself feel the pain of your loss. But he had to get up at one point. Even if he was content to stay there forever and let himself rot on the very ground that you had died on.

He lifted his head, trying to look up at the bright sky for comfort, but his eyes snagged on a small worn-down cottage at the end of the road he was currently kneeling on. He pushed himself up to standing and he slowly walked toward the house, an undescribable tug drawing him closer.

When he reached the stormy blue door, he almost sobbed again, the paint the exact shade of your favorite color. Was it . . . was this your house?

Azriel tried the handle and felt no resistance, so he turned the doorknob and the door swung open, the hinges squeaking with age.

He peered inside, the small home reminding himself of your bedroom. How could it not with its icy blue curtains and pure white furniture despite the numerous complaints from your mouth at the stains littering the light fabric? It was an exact replica of your room at the House of Wind. And that may not have meant anything, but his eyes strayed to a framed photo of you holding a small dog, a wide grin on your face.

His heart stuttered at that. You had been so happy . . .

He took another step into the room, a creamy white envelop lying on the dining table in the room next door snagging his attention from the open doorway. He walked toward it unconsciously, the rectangular piece of paper solid proof of your existence.

His heart dropped, and so did he when he saw the name scrawled on the envelope. Azriel.

The second impact on his knees hit harder than the first, but he all but crawled toward the awaiting letter. The second his hands touched the parchment, he tore it open and read through the letter slowly and carefully, absorbing each and every word.

Dear Azriel,

I know it's been forty years since I've left. I didn't think I would be away this long, but there were so many places to see and not enough time. And well . . . time has passed. Quite quickly.

Of course, neither of us are the same. We've both changed. Forty years can change any person. I would like to say I've changed for the better. And I've matured. Or at least, I hope I have.

The way I left you was horrible. I was . . . scared, I guess. I couldn't think about not being able to travel and live. And I've also been too scared to write to you. That's why this letter is twenty years late.

Maybe if I had the courage to send something to you earlier, we would be happily mated and living together right now.

But I was a coward.

Hopefully, this letter makes up for the lost time. Because I'm ready now. I have been for a while. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I love you so much. Please, if it's not too much to ask, I would like to visit you.

I completely understand if you had found someone else in the years I've been away. Forty years is a long time.

But, best wishes to you Azriel. I love you so, so much.

y/n xx

You had written. You had wanted to be with him. But you had died before you could send it. Before you could be in his arms again. And for that, Azriel broke. Completely.

Everything that he felt multiplied and he felt the pain and years of longing swirl around him in a hurricane, dragging him with it.

Years and years of silently suffering, hoping you would one day walk back into his life and brighten it. Make everything worth living. Bring life to him.

But you would never, ever give him another smile. Another laugh. Another grin. Another hug. Another kiss.

That warm spot in his heart that he reserved solely for you exploded. All the happy memories he had stored away in there when the past became too much endured flowed out in a steady stream, each memory fighting for attention at the front of his brain.

Azriel was walking along the Sidra, trying to clear his mind. Sometimes, even the quietness of his home was too much and his head swarmed with unwanted thoughts. Uncontrollable thoughts that dragged him down with them.

He kicked a stone from the center of the dirt path and watched it drop into the water running in a calming flow to the right of him. The sounds of the river helped drown out his inner, self-deprecating monologue and he took a clearing breath.

There was a sudden, loud thud behind him and he whirled around, his hand poised on the handle of Truth-Teller. What he saw was a young female face-planting on the well-trodden path.

He froze but immediately rushed over to you to help you up. As he extended his scarred hand, you pushed yourself onto your knees and grinned sheepishly up at him. Without a second of hesitation, you took his outstretched hand and pulled yourself up, brushing the dirt from your leggings.

"Thanks," you said, face flush with embarrassment.

"It was no problem," he replied and you rewarded him with a breathtaking, dazzling smile beyond words. His breath caught and you continued on your way, a slight bounce to each step.

He fell in love that day. Maybe not for you entirely, as he had just met you. But you were someone he would want to be with. Someone he thought he could love.

And the rest was history.

A strangled sob broke past his lips as your first meeting with him played over and over in his mind. You were so happy. You had been alive. And now you were gone.

After that initial meeting, you bumped into each other a few more times until he worked up the courage to ask you to lunch. You had accepted. The both of you grew closer. You fell in love. Then the mating bond snapped, and you left to live your life.

His mind was the perfect torture machine, each painful and yet wonderful memory of the both of you during your time together flaring up in perfect detail.

You laughing as a star splashed across your face during Starfall.

You grinning as you and Azriel teased each other.

Your determined expression as you sparred with him.

Cassian swinging an arm over you, loudly making fun of Mor.

Mor and you going dress shopping and dragging Az along.

Azriel and you reading together in the safe confines of the library.

"I love you so much, y/n," he breathed.

You smiled tenderly, "I love you more than any words can express, and I will always love you, even after the Mother claims us."

The small conversations the both of you had together . . .

"What do you think happens after death?"

"I'd rather not think about that. What about all the living that can be done right now?"

Dancing at Rita's.

Drinking til you're stupid drunk.

Messy kisses.

Obnoxious laughter.

Every smile.

Every grin.

Every laugh.

Every embrace.

Every kiss.

Every 'I love you'.

Playing over and over in his mind, each repetition a new stab to the heart. Over and over again. Until he couldn't take it anymore. Over and over again. Until he was sure his heart was in shambles and he couldn't ever move again. Over and over again. Until he wished for death just so it would stop.

You had wanted to go and live your life like a free spirit. Unlike when you were a child and trapped in the confines of your home. You were trapped your entire life. Simple things to others were impossible privileges to you.

You wanted to experience everything the Mother could offer you.

And Azriel let you go, because he didn't want to weigh you down.

And now you were dead. Gone forever.

Never to laugh or smile or grin or dance or sing again.

Silent.

Quiet.

Dead.

Empty love.

Because Azriel was still alive and you weren't. His other half. Gone. Dead.

The only reason for his survival so far. Gone.

Az wanted to follow you into the afterlife. He wanted to be reunited with you, even if it meant leaving his family behind. Because what was life without you in it? Nothing, that's what.

You brought sunshine to any rainy day.

You were the light in his darkness.

You were the green sprout that sprung up amidst the cold deadness of the world.

You brought happiness to everything you touched. Gave it life. Just like you did to him. You brought him back to life, after the childhood that had killed him.

And then you killed him again when you left. Like you're killing him again now. But he was already past gone, his soul empty the second you left.

You were the shoulder to lean on when things became too much. Whenever his life caught up to him. Whenever he couldn't handle another day, you were ready for him. You were ready to stay up all night holding him or talking through anything that he wanted to. You didn't erase his pain. You soothed it. Brought it down to a manageable level. You had warmed his dead heart.

The heart that was turning still and cold while still beating incessantly.

His body shook with sobs, his entire weight against the table. It was the only thing holding him up. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't survive. The pain wrenched a shudder from his body and he slid further down toward the floor. His heart clenched and his stomach flipped, his lungs screaming for the air he wouldn't give to them.

He sucked in a sharp breath, the sudden intake causing a shudder to ripple throughout his body.

He couldn't live while you were dead.

He wanted to follow you and find you in the afterlife. He wanted to take his blade and sheath it deep into his heart. He wanted to bleed out and let his soul drift up toward you. He wanted to leave any emotion or feeling behind.

His fingers trailed toward the blade strapped to his thigh, his thoughts screaming at him, not allowing a single moment of silence to think his decision through.

He was going to you. He was going to see you again.

But you wouldn't want that.

You would want Az to live, to experience all that you could not. To experience the love and happiness that you could no longer feel.

If Death claimed you, then it evaded him, allowing Az to wield it like a weapon instead of bringing him down to its level.

His fingers strained toward the blade, wrapping themselves around the solid handle.

But, but, but . . .

You would kill him for even thinking of doing this. It was worth it though, to be able to hold you in his arms one last time.

He could almost hear your voice through the haze of his mind, Please, Az, no. Live. For me.

He would do anything for you. Even if it meant giving up eternity with you.

So Azriel would live. Continue living. Not thriving, however. Just surviving. Because you were gone. But he would do that for you. He would live.

→ complete masterlist

taglist : @sassybluebird ,, @starrstrucked ,, @hideing ,, @moonslattes ,, @goldentournesol ,, @eat-cake ,, @owllover123 ,, @imnotsiriusyouare ,, @winnie-the-shoe ,, @xxgenderenvyxx [ striked-out names couldn’t be tagged unfortunately ; also if you wanted to be added or removed from the taglist go ahead and ask :)) ]

[fennel-tea]

just gonna lob some projmoon balls at you: binah/hod, ayin/angela, hod/yesod, yesod/netzach, and uh...binah/angela. 🗿

[rubs evil little hands together] aight lets fuckinnnn go

Binah/Hod - A+ OTP

I've basically already drawn a tongue-in-cheek manifesto of sorts as to why I like them, but.

Peak messy yuri. Morally Bankrupt Ex-Fed/Outwardly Sweet Virtue Signaller. I love. I love. It started as a curious thing I ran into on Ao3 once or twice (shoutouts to the people writing Binah/Hod and Garion/Michelle out there I owe you my life) and then gradually just completely took over my brain

general feelings on why I love it:

It's the contrast of someone who desperately wants to be seen as a good person for...reasons that are not entirely selfless! who frankly kind of sucks at accomplishing that and is (circa LC) so self-absorbed that until her core suppression leadup she can't even acknowledge it (side note: Hod Sucks is the reason I fell for her in the first place because she is...not a character type I'm normally into!)

vs. someone who choked down any sort of regrets and anxieties she might've even thought of having ages ago, who is a walking moral nightmare of a human, who openly tells you to your face that the only thing that really gets her going is human suffering.

Binah is unquestionably Worse but Hod is wayyyyy more fucked up about it. Binah doesn't actually care about whether or not Hod is a good person or not but is locked in a basement and bored as shit and would be happy to study this neurotic little undead scientist in her own personal petri dish to see what happens. Meanwhile Hod is the kind of person who Will Not Stop prodding at people she doesn't understand, especially if she thinks its for her own benefit, and Binah is a cryptic rubix cube of darkness. I like it for the same reasons I like Hannigram. It's just Yuri Hannigram.

It's a rarepair. It's not healthy. It's not safe or sane. But it IS fun and I'll pilot this ship with my own two hands if I gotta

Ayin/Angela - A

Ohhhh this one is a mess. You ever just make a clone of your dead colleague who you were probably sort of definitely in love with (and give her noticeably bigger tits to boot—holy shit, Ayin), force her to read off a rigid script for the next several millennia, and then refuse to even look at her despite her inherited feelings for you?

This one also falls under Tasty Parallels for me just because. They are both very hurt people who deal with that pain incredibly poorly and proceed to spend an entire game making it everyone's problem and I love them for it. I think this ship is a beautiful downward spiral of love and hate. Also the way Angela post-haircut looks more like Ayin than she does Carmen is [chef's kiss].

Also, please look at this fanart because it lives in my head rent-free.

Hod/Yesod - C

I never actually considered this one outside of an Asiyah Disaster Polycule until you mentioned it honestly but I can dig it! I can get behind it! I think Hod could make him Worse

Yesod/Netzach - C

Generally neutral-to-favorable, it's not a ship I actively seek out but I pretty much always enjoy it when someone puts it on my plate.

Binah/Angela - D/E okay i know i know let me explain

It's uh, definitely not for lack of trying! Objectively speaking, it's a good ship, it's got legs, it's got tons of content and if you're a fan you won't go hungry in the slightest

but I just....can't get into it.

Some of it is just the ship not clicking with me for whatever reason but I think a big part of it is that—unfortunately—my first couple exposures to it were via people being weirdly sanctimonious about it in a "ship this it's the only healthy option for either of these characters" kind of way

which causes the nasty little spitebeast in me to immediately recoil, also uh...healthy? Hello?

Binah's involvement alone injects a solid hit of questionable powerplay and General Freak Shit into basically any ship she's a part of, Angela totally sucks (I say this with unfathomable amounts of affection), both of them are a highly questionable mess at best. I also personally think a lot of fanworks tend to really file off both characters' edges in favor of something more palatable, which I'm personally really not into.

Unfortunately for me it's the most popular f/f ship in the fandom by leaps and bounds, so like, no shade at all if you're into it, I support your fun! I just can't join you sorry orz. Some of the art is nice tho

[honourablejester]

Fantasy, Horror and the Intangible

I’ve been thinking a bit lately about why I like some stripes of horror/fantasy and less others. Actually, I’ve mostly been thinking about how I like dark fantasy, but I like dark fantasy mostly in the sense of ‘fantasy crossed with gothic and/or cosmic horror’ not ‘fantasy but everything is horrible and ultimately soul-crushing’, like I want ghosts and eldritch star gods, not grimdark ‘everyone is a terrible person and morality is meaningless’ bullshit.

Sorry. That was strongly phrased. But. I grew up in the 90s. I’m a little tired of grimdark.

And I think when I look at it a bit, it comes back to a basic … not ‘problem’, maybe, but divide, with a lot of fiction. I think it does probably come back, in a large sense, to the ‘realism’ debate. What I mean is, I’m getting a sense with a lot of fiction that it wants sort of … tangible conflicts? Tangible threats, tangible moralities, tangible consequences. Physically grounded things. There’s a feeling I get that fiction right now doesn’t like a lot of the more … ambiguous or delicate concepts or emotions.

Okay. Pulling back a bit. Here are a few subgenres that I really, really like:

gothic horror

cosmic horror

fairytales

paranormal investigation

There are others, obviously, I like a lot of things (sci-fi, most notably), but these are the ones I’ve been circling lately. Because they have a thread of something in common, and something that’s actually increasingly hard to find: intangibility. Uncertainty. Also: wonder. Awe. Curiosity. Apprehension. Terror. Insanity.

They’re genres that play a lot with non-physical threats and promises, essentially. With emotions to do with things that aren’t here yet, or things that may not be real, or things that are felt but not seen. They have consequences that are often not merely fatal or unfatal. Costs in cosmic horror, gothic horror, fairytales, paranormal stories, and even mystery stories are often more on the abstract end: you lose your sanity, your humanity, your freedom, your believability, your reputation.

They’re stories that famously rely on emotions. On atmosphere. On dread, enchantment, curiosity. People don’t usually have powers, they have feelings. They sense things that other people can’t sense. They see things that other people can’t see.

There’s magic in all of them. There’s another world layered over the base one, secrets that most people can’t see. There’s wonder. Whimsy. Secrets. Arcane rules. Mysteries.

And then, because that other world often contains monsters, there’s fear. Apprehension. Terror. Dread. Not just that you might die, but that you might in some way lose yourself.

I think another thing I’m skirting around is that they’re genres focused on exploration rather than combat necessarily. Sure, you might slay the werewolf eventually, or shotgun some cultists in the face, but the combat usually isn’t the point. The tragedy of the werewolf is the person who lost their humanity to it. The terror of cosmic horror is that the cosmic entity that spawned said cult is likely fundamentally unbothered by losing it. These are stories with the tangible powers of combat are fundamentally lessened, because the true wonder is exploration and the true terror is something that all the shotguns in the world can’t stop.

I remember leaving a prompt on a comm once, I can’t remember for what, and what I wanted was a low-level ESP-type paranormal story. With psychics sensing things and investigating. What I got was X-men level ‘Professor X fights baddies’. Which is … I feel like a lot of fiction nowadays defaults onto ‘have powers, fight baddies’. Which! There is nothing wrong with! Sometimes I very much want that! But not in that instance. I wanted a lower-key story where people felt things.

(I did thank them anyway, I did enjoy the story, it just … didn’t quite hit what I wanted)

IDK, I just feel like, maybe as a consequence or just co-morbid with the massive rise of things like the superhero genre and the oddly non-conflicting, despite all logic, ‘realism in fantasy’ type debates, a lot of fiction right now is going out of its way to feel a) grounded in physical reality and b) action-oriented. Threats are things you can stab. Horror is man’s general inhumanity to man. Powers are things you can fight with. Your righteousness is shown by who you punch in the face.

I miss the less tangible emotions of fairytales and gothic horror. Those two particularly. The wonder and mystery of magic, the terror and apprehension of the unseen. Where you’re guided by exploration, by feeling, by sensing things. Where the threat is not necessarily to life-and-limb, but to the soul, the humanity, the sanity. Where righteousness is resisting your own corruption, not punishing someone else’s.

(Sidenote here on Dracula: I feel there’s a thing here with Mina Harker vs Lucy Westenra a bit, in that Lucy was unmarried when she died, and fell to corruption, while Mina, the relatively ‘sinful’ woman who had a husband and presumably had relations with him, began to be transformed but spent the whole latter half of the book staunchly resisting it and standing beside Van Helsing – granted, though, there are practical considerations in that no one knew what the fuck was going on with Lucy so they just didn’t know enough to save her in time, while with Mina everyone, including her, knew what was up and what she has to fight – anyway, sidenote ended)

I just want more stories with the more delicate and intangible sorts of feelings, I guess. Wonder. Particularly wonder. Seeing things that are not necessarily useable but still magical. And apprehension. Terror. On the darker end of things. Not just fear for your life or cynicism or despair, but the creeping fear and atmosphere you get when you don’t know what’s happening. Where there are unseen things happening, and you’re worried not for your life but for your sanity and possibly for your humanity. Where you fear not being killed but being changed. (Or, on the flipside, where you hope to be changed, transformed, become the fairy princess you secretly want to be)

I grew up on the likes of The Last Unicorn. The Neverending Story. Dracula. Ghost stories. Fairy stories. Stories where you can just feel something else beyond the bounds of what you know. Where the price of love is regret, where the price of power is humanity, where the cost of evil is haunting and insanity. I grew up into mystery, into cosmic horror, into fantasy. I like the intangible. I like the feeling of things out there that I can feel but not know. I like thrill of fear from a good haunted atmosphere, from the knowledge of threats that I can’t actually touch. I like the vast feeling of cosmic horror, of things out there that are just too big to comprehend, let alone fight. Not because I like despair (I very much do not), but because I like the feeling of exploration, that there is more in the world than we can understand (yet) and that we might still be willing to take the risk to try. (Usually in cosmic horror this results in gibbering, but hey, at least we’re still trying)

I like stories where the solutions are also equally intangible. You learn enough about the ghost to lay them to rest. You investigate the cult and find out how the seal the cosmic gate. You win through exploration, through engagement with the emotions, not always through physical force, even if that does also have its place with, say, staking the vampire through the heart. Stories where victory is resisting corruption, absolving old sins, discovering new worlds, rebuilding new worlds through just your wishes and dreams and willingness to hope (hi, Neverending Story, how are you!)

Also, I love the aesthetic. The atmosphere. The feeling. Wonder and intrigue and apprehension and curiosity. Imagery. The spooky castle on the cliff, the faun leading you down into a world of wonders. The joy of magic, the terror of the unknown.

I don’t know what my point even is here, I’ll be honest. I just want more feelings and less punching, I guess. More engagement, more exploration, more mystery. Less ‘sort out the rules and punch the villain in the face’. Less grimdark, more wonder and terror. More magic. More unknown.

More acknowledgement that … You don’t need to be able to fight everything you come across. Sometimes you just need to experience it.

And survive it, yes, hopefully. But you get what I mean.

Embrace the intangible some more. Ambiguity and intangibility are not crimes. You don’t always need to give the answers, you don’t have to ground everything in a punchable reality, you just need to give people a feeling. An experience. An emotion.

And not even necessarily a good one, though I will say again that grimdark is a bit tired, I feel, probably, go a bit easy on the crushing despair maybe? But that aside.

Magic good. Terror good. Go explore.

(I am aware that there are current examples of all of these, by the by, thank you Guillermo del Toro for always leaning into the spooky and delicate, and I’m happy to take recs. I’m mostly just talking about a general feeling I’m getting about the state of the genre fiction at the minute)

[tonyglowheart]

i recognise this is an unasked-for niche knight's move tangent on meta-commentary tag talk you left on pretty gifset but: spn destiel really being a textbook example of grade a CLAMP-style "there are no such things as coincidences, only naturally foreordained events in which other outcomes are impossible as a result of a single causality, as all other causalities would necessarily create different results" hitsuzen fuckery huh

I think I know what you’re getting at but like, what drives me feral about destiel is that I think they’re very much NOT that. Like, they’re only “fated” or “inevitable” in a sort of philosophical sense of “well what happened must have been fated because that’s how it turned out.” I think CLAMP/Holic’s hitsuzen is a bit more... inevitable in a pre-ordained sense? like the idea is more “it may seem accidental but really it was all sort of a big plan”? Whereas the confluence of metatext and text with destiel is that.. they WEREN’T supposed to happen. Castiel only exists because Dean got sent to hell because of a writer’s strike, and then he was only supposed to stick around for a 4-episode arc, but then I guess whoever decides things (audience? cast? showrunner? writers?) decided they liked him so much they kept him around for longer. And then there were several times where the showrunners/writers wanted to kill him off for good, but then like... fan campaigns, I believe, or other decisions happened and he got brought back. And destiel is the romance that, like, wasn’t supposed to be, like it has a reputation for being a huge queerbait because I don’t think the showrunners or writers ever really intended for it to be romantic, and whether that be writing or acting choices but we actually can look back at it and it does all work as one big romantic arc, and imo a lot of it - especially early stuff - was done without conscious intention.

And then in the text, we have this explicit struggle between fate/destiny/will of God, and free will, and the idea that the apocalypse was written by God and should have happened, but they diverted it and created free will because they’re no longer going by God’s script so to speak, but then a later reveal of actually that was a lie too and God was still pulling the strings all along until they finally defeated him. But before we got that development and reveal, and post diversion of the apocalypse, we repeatedly got other characters - other angels in charge, God even later - who textually said Castiel was the famous spanner in the works who had to repeatedly be brought back in line with the party line (said by this one angel in charge of heaven), and God actually said at some point that “you know what every other version of you did after gripping him tight and raising him from perdition? what they were told. but not you”

Maybe this is “fated” more like that one Black Mirror episode one, where the dating thing worked by running simulators telling them they weren’t fated and seeing what they did and if they defied that to try to be together, but I think the conflict of Destiel comes from the fact that textually, the worlds where Cas didn’t keep doing what he was told ARE the minority, and that also parallels the crazy real-world metatext of, like, looking back it just seems like a series of happy coincidences that led to all of this happening, and honestly, they could have even left the show off without even explicitly acknowledging Cas’ love for Dean either.

idk I mean the philosophical arguments is a bit tricky bc it can get a bit cyclical, but just.. I think the vibe of destiel isn’t so much that they’re fated lovers, but that they are in fact UNFATED lovers who against all odds and like active attempts to prevent even, still ended up coming together, and like if we’re talking about a hypothetical multiverse, they are in fact the minority. And like, “in every universe I will find you” is sexy but “despite everything we are together because we CHOSE to be and the power of our choice literally changed the whole world” is just. A Lot.

[tohru-glimpse]

EPOCH

When I see you, I feel peace. You are my last resort of dungeon I can run into when the war hits us. You are one source of light that I have in the darkness of my thoughts. And the one image of happiness in every dream I have every night.

How can I forget you? If you are the one who keeps me sane every day. Every day is a battle to win against misunderstandings, shortcomings, and poverty. You are the magic despite longing I have for my father. And you are the remaining happiness I have today that I repeatedly neglected in my past.

Please don't go. I will retrieve you in my life. I will make a way back to you and make you feel that you need me too. You are the perfectly imperfect one for me. Please believe me as I can't let go of you.

Can this be destiny? That we meet in the Rizal Hall without you knowing that the seconds stopped in my eyes. Your hair, your color, and your eyes. Your walk that brought you closer to my eyes feels like a reality that I cannot forget.

You're a reality that I had in my life. And you are a dream that I wish I still have. I never won your heart and that's all I know. And you still do not have a queen and that is all I know.

I wonder what fate already knows. Will there be a sequel about our unfateful destiny? Did I ever visit you in your thoughts years after I left the University? Was I able to make you smile as you did to me?

I do not know. What I only know is you are still in my heart and in my in my mind. I will do nothing to you but pray. That someday I will understand,.. this longing I still have for you.

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

What’s meant to be, will be

So... I actually did attempt to write that post about lessons relearnt etc, but ooof, there were way too many thoughts over the past 2 weeks, and I guess I couldn’t really get into it like I wanted to. 

Maybe it was for the best? 

First attempt to write and there was a little issue with the subway, ended up taking an hour to get home, while my phone was also lasting on 3% battery. Also met this lady who was rushing somewhere (for work, I think she mentioned) needing directions. She ended up being on the same bus as me too, and noticed me and stopped me before alighting to check again if she was on the right bus. Assured her that she was on the right one and asked the driver to give her a heads up too. Have missed this feeling of being able to help someone in need...

Anyway, well second attempt was just... was distracted while talking to a friend. We’ve been friends for over a year now, and oof, he’s now in a situation that’s way too similar to mine, so I guess we’ve kinda really gotten closer talking about all this. Maybe this is kinda also good for me to see myself in another perspective. 

And well... things happened again. He texted me again. As usual, just a simple “good morning, are you working today?” That’s alright, yeah? Kinda used to it by now, just the way he is. Sometimes I do wonder if me being chill just lets people be like she’s alright and cool. I replied a little late, and it turns out there was supposed to be a shipment and he was gonna be there, but well, it got cancelled. I gotta say, it made me really happy that he texted me before coming down, I mean it showed that if we wouldn’t pretend to be strangers if we saw each other again. 

Which we did the next day. Was kinda hoping he would but since he didn’t update me if he was showing up (but then, he’s said before “surprise” factor), I didn’t wanna give myself too much hope that he’d be there. Went to lunch with my colleagues and saw one of the other shipment guys, well, there’s still 2 others to show. I waited, tried to shut my mind up, and waited some more. 

Then he arrived. I wasn’t sure what to even feel, it’s like everything came rushing in at once. Pretty sure he did look over when he arrived, not sure what I was doing but we didn’t wave to each other. 

Back at the office, we did get to talk a little at least, as usual with him initiating. In my defence, I had not slept well the previous night, my brain was hella spaced. He texted goodbye after leaving, and we talked for a bit. Somehow started telling him briefly about what happened the previous night that caused my lack of sleep, which was stuff about family - my dad specifically. Since it was brief, he was just giving some sweet generic (unrelated) advice, and I was considering telling him what happened. I mean I had only confided in 3 close friends. I had headed off to dinner after replying to his advice, and he didn’t end up replying anything so I thought maybe he wasn’t interested to know or anything. Went off to focus on my own shit again, talking to pals, distracting myself. And suddenly, a good night message from him. Totally random, but also kinda normal-ish from him haha. So I ended up telling him what had happened, also with my typical “good morning when you see this”. 

Woke up to a pretty sweet heartwarming message from him too, and we spoke for a bit. And that was yesterday.  Convo kinda drifted off as usual, kinda on me ish, but I mean... 

Maybe you enjoy my company, maybe especially so during the days we work together cos I guess I’m pretty chill, at least to you guys (can be hella flustered at myself). Maybe you did miss me. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just too focused on the best version I picture you to be, rather than the you that you’ve shown me. 

But anyway... So spent the whole day thinking about him, wondering if I should be the one taking the initiative today since he’s been texting the past couple days. But then again, he did disappear on me for 2 weeks, should I be going back just because he’s been sorta around for 3 days now again? But then again, I was afraid to lose this, lose him, again. I’d been wanting this for the past 2 weeks, and now that he’s back I feel like I’m not doing enough? 

Also, I had always thought it was fate we met/started talking, but then it got kinda unfated after that, considering we never got the same shifts or we never got the opportunity to talk (also kinda on me for not trying harder tbh). But then now we did see each other again, and we got the chance to finally speak irl again. Sometimes it’s fate. But sometimes you gotta fight for it yourself too, no? 

So, tried to distract myself from thinking about him... Took a mid afternoon nap, scrolled insta, talked to my friends, and then came here to write. 

That’s when he texted. Oh god, I gotta say, I was so damn happy when that happened cos I really wonder if that was it again. I guess this means you’re kinda thinking of me too? But really, who knows? 

Like I was just confiding in a friend, sometimes I feel I’m so damn insecure that I wouldn’t believe that someone would be into me like this. That’s why I doubt everything, even maybe sometimes when the signs are right in my face. But I only realise them when I think back about it, probably months later. Like I had always expected him to leave since we started texting, I couldn’t believe that any (local) guy would talk to me this long, especially when we didn’t really talk about much either. 

I’m still not entirely sure what is this happening between us right now, and I do wanna know. I’m still not sure how exactly to put it across without being too much either? Anyone has any advice? I mean, I really don’t wanna push it too far, especially if his intentions are just to be friends now. 

Ugh, but I gotta say, I’m just fucking thankful. I hope I remember to tell you that before this convo dies off. 

But anyway, I wanna say something that I’m really proud of myself for. So I finally got my blood test results back again today. Also, might have missed it too but mom was persistent enough and we managed to see the doc (great but also ...) Anyhoo, turns out all is pretty much well, but I guess the doc realised that it might have not been a physical/biological thing, but a mental thing. He offered to recommend a psychiatrist/psychologist. At the moment I was contemplating to accept or not, since my mom was in the room. But I did. I had been wanting to reach out for a bit, and I did reach back out to my counsellor recently, but I guess it’s still a little different via calls vs irl. So yep, hopefully this step will mean I’m closer to healing and finding myself again. 

X

[blackivory-27]

A Terrible, Not Really Bad, Very Good Day

Words: 2388

Pairing: HyuRoy

Rating: I'm guessing slightly NSFW for two or three mentions of sexy stuff

Genre: Fluff, absolute Fluff, just Fluff

I’m so so sorry for being borderline late but @vino-and-doggos, I am your @fmasecretsanta2019 Santa!

You asked for some Roy/Maes AU trope-y things, and even if I’d never written any HyuRoy before I hope it turned out well, and I had a lot of fun too!

I tried to make them both in character and adorable as you wanted them - but be warned, it’s super-fluffy, so prepare some toothpaste!

Merry (very late) Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

It had been a long, long day at work for Roy. Not that other days weren’t long, or boring, but when half of your team is home, in bed, sick because of an outbreak of flu and you’re the only lucky one not to catch it you end up working with people you’ve never met before, or people you’ve met that you know are incompetent fools… and make your job much, much harder. 

It should have been easy - go to work, finish his paperwork in time for the presentation in the weekends, wrap everything up with a nice little bow for the higher-ups and then dash out of the office at the speed of sound to go home and spend the rest of the day in bed (their only bed, finally): instead, documents had been lost, patience had run thin, stupid questions had been asked, and he was sure some of his brain matter had mixed itself with his sweat, he was depleted. 

He kept thinking of his nice little flat, with his nice big fireplace and his big sofa, the smell of coffee in the room as he made his spoon clatter on his mug while stirring, something that Roy pretended to be annoyed by, but made him feel at home. He missed it dearly, so much, and he really would have wanted to leave everyone behind at the office and just dash for the door without even saying goodbye - but Riza’s ever-present look loomed in the back of his mind, and Fuery’s desperate, pleading eyes were too much even for him, so he’d stayed to help until late, when they’d finally managed to do everything.

When he left the building he cursed himself for not taking the car (“Be respectful of the environment, you work five minutes from the underground!” he’d say, and if he asked him something, he couldn’t say no), and then he cursed himself again for forgetting his umbrella. He hated the rain, it messed his hair and his coat up, it dampened his clothes, and humidity stuck to his face - and it was that annoying kind of light, thick rain that was just enough to need an umbrella, but not enough to be full rain. He was in a terrible mood, and everything seemed to add on it.

Even the underground was against him - late, slow, and full to the brim with wet, talking, existing people that just happened to exist too very close to him. He couldn’t wait to be home and forget everything about that horrible day, maybe ordering take-out for both of them while watching something on TV as they cuddled… it sounded like a simple, nice plan, enough to ease away the stress of his horrible day. 

As he got off his train and onto the platform he was almost ran over by people trying to get on, and cursed out loud - screw manners, everyone was trying to piss him off on that specific day, so he was going to piss everyone off in return. He sped through the bystanders and columns of the place until he got to the exit, only to use his work briefcase to shield himself from the now heavier rain - how it could have changed so quickly, he didn’t know, but it was pouring like crazy and he still had a few minutes of walking to do before reaching his flat.

As he ran under the rain and almost slipped, his face lit up at the sight of his building:its newly-painted gate, the nice, tidy balconies with their plants soaking the water the sky was giving to them, the cute little windows and the pinkish, hideous curtains their sweet and old neighbour had put when she’d arrived, their blue, shiny mailbox along all the other ones on the wall, the roofed porch with its red tiles washing away the rain to shield anyone who had to get inside… it was better than Heaven for him, and when he finally got under it, he let out a sigh of relief and smiled deeply - finally, he would have been home to him, or so he thought, for as he reached for his keys, he couldn’t find them.

-Please no…-

He tried to find them once, Then twice. Then one more time, and then finally, he called his office to ask cleaning staff about it - sure enough, they’d found his keys in the office, and had left them at security. Just when he’d finally thought he was home the world had decided to play one more trick on him and leave him out in the cold under the rain. Giving up, he sat under the roof and moped, despaired, and rubbed his temples as the world around him turned cold and dark.

Or so he did for around five minutes, before someone opened the gate behind him, and it was him.

-Maes, my love, my saviour, clad in shining armour just for me.-

-Come on, I’m wearing duckie pajamas, I only came down because I was tired to watch you mope from the window.-

-You watched me mope for a grand total of five long, never-ending minutes? How cruel.-

-I swear, sometimes you’re really a handful.-

-But you love me.-

-Drama king.-

The two men chuckled quietly before Roy finally got up and joined his lover under their umbrella, kissing him gently and closing his eyes to enjoy his scent, his skin, his slightly rough, prickly cheek, his arm around his wet waist: without letting him go, Maes started to wobble his way back to their house while laughing and almost tripping on the cobblestone thanks to his man’s attempts at getting his attention, none of them successful, and his later attempts to murder him and make it look like an accident.

Roy kept complaining about how horrible it had been to stand under the roofed gate until they got to their door, and then inside he complained about his job - but Maes didn’t care, he loved to watch him talk and move around their house no matter what he did, and even more to know he was finally getting rid of all the stress of his very unfateful day. He watched as he took off his wet clothes and office uniform with a slight eyebrow wiggle - that Roy noted and replied to with the same wiggle and a laugh before making his way to their bedroom, with their new double bed, and where the old two, single mattresses were laying in a corner, an old memory from the (recent) times they had spent huddling up on a single bed to spend the nights together. Now they had one fit for a couple, one fit for lovers, and for cuddles… and more.

Still, as he was changing into his pajama, he smelled something divine coming from the kitchen, and nothing akin to take out.

Drawers were clanking, cutlery was ringing, and he was sure at some point he’d heard Maes curse at something indefinite as he put down plates on the living room’s table: he was planning something, of that he was sure, but as curious as  he was he didn’t want to spoil the surprise yet, and he took his time to dry his hair and style it again, fixing it in the mirror until he deemed it flawless again - he knew how much Maes loved his hair, though, and how short it would have lasted so combed.

At some point, though, he heard a bottle popping - that is, a bottle of wine - and his curiosity and hunger got the best of him. He wanted to know what was going on, what was the smell, and what warranted Maes opening one of their bottles of wine.

When he got to the living room he was more surprised than he thought: the sofa-bed had been opened and blankets were strewn about, pillows were laying on it tidly, and the fireplace was dimly lighting the whole room… it was a romantic dinner, topped with a delightful cuddling nest.

-Mmmh, I wonder, my love, what is this?-

-It’s a surprise for my over-worked, tired, needing-to-be-spoiled boyfriend, of course. I made your favourite dinner - vodka and salmon pasta, how does it sound?-

-It sounds good, but it smells even better… how long have you been planning this?-

Maes chuckled and got closer to him, putting his hand through Roy’s hair and gently running his hand on his neck, his shoulder, and then his cheek to pull him closer and kiss him deeply: he felt his lover relax under his touch and moved to his neck without stopping, his hand now running on his back as he pulled him closer in his embrace - he unbuttoned his pajama shirt to kiss his shoulder and collar-bones, too, but stopped to rub his nose on his and laugh again.

-I haven’t planned this that much, actually, I woke up this morning and decided I wanted to spoil you on my free day… guess I was right to do so, you seem tired.-

-I was feeling much better already, you could have continued, you know.-

-And ruin dinner by eating dessert first? Don’t worry, I’ll eat you out later.-

Roy burst out laughing at that, a genuine laugh that warmed Maes’ heart and pushed him to kiss him again: still, he did have a plan for that night and it involved eating before everything else, and eating actual food. So, he took Roy’s hand and courteously led him to the sofa-bed, where he bowed to him as he laid on the comfortable blankets (and earning himself a shove) and covered him in them, fixing his pillows and kissing him again before opening their bed tray. Roy felt like a king, like he should have been, and when Maes brought him their pasta he felt elated. Good food, warmth, a fireplace and his man right there with him, hugging him and holding him, kissing him and cuddling him… he felt the horrible day he’d passed wash away like nothing.

They didn’t watch TV, but Maes put on his favourite jazz music on it as he listened to his unfortunate tale: his head resting on his shoulder, he filled his belly and his heart as he felt his hair become uncombed and messy, but he didn’t care much about that as long as he could lose himself into his sweet embrace and his heartbeat in his ear. Soon, their plates were empty and they’d forfeited the bed tray toust lay down in each other’s arms for a while.

-So, a very bad day, uh?-

-Mmmh, it was… but not now, my love, thanks to you. You really like to make my life better, don’t you.-

Roy smiled at him, but he was charmed in return by his deep, loving eyes staring at him as he did: Maes was so handsome, so caring, so warm, even the worst day seemed perfect just because he was there, even the worst moment was a gift if he could come home to that. 

-I try my hardest, my handsome dear, to put a smile on your perfect face.-

-What a flatterer you are, mister - as flattering as you’re charming.-

-Oh, now you’re making me blush.-

Chuckling, they kissed and spent some moments in silence, just breathing close to one another, feeling each other’s presence by the fireplace, but then Maes broke the embrace and got up - leaving Roy behind alone, desperate and abandoned (or so Roy felt).

-No, why are you leaving, how can your heart be so cold and your soul so stern, right when I needed you the most?-

-Yeah, yeah, stay there you big baby, I have a surprise for you.-

-A surprise? Bribing me to cease my rightful speech against injustice, what a lowly tactic.-

Maes snorted audibly, and Roy couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping his lips - how he loved to be dramatic, just to annoy him a little, and how he loved the way he never stopped nodding along to all of it. He was about to start again when his nose caught a whiff of the most delightful smell in the world, and of his favourite thing ever… chocolate.

-If that’s a chocolate cake I’ll let you take me, right here, right now.-

-And what about the rightful speech?-

-I’ll continue it afterwards, now give me that cake - please and thank you.-

His mouth full of cake and his back resting on his lover’s chest, Roy was finally, finally happy. He didn’t remember his day at work, he didn’t remember his shouting and the paperwork and the fixing every mistake - he didn’t remember any of that, he didn’t feel that stress anymore, he only felt how good Maes’ arms were around his waist as he pulled him closer to kiss his shoulders and his neck as he ate his cake. He let out a loud hum, sighing through his nose and holding out his fork to Maes’ mouth to offer him a piece the man quickly took before kissing him… he tasted like love and chocolate. 

-God, Maes, I love you so much. Thank you, for everything you do for me.-

-Thank you, my dear, for being here with me everyday. I love you too.-

-Ah, we’re already behaving like old men in love.-

-Aren’t we?-

-How - DARE-

Roy slapped Maes’ arm, offended, but the man just burst out laughing and then assaulted his neck to tickle it - he dropped the plate and fork and pushed him away, but it was no use, he didn’t have a chance against his tickling fingers and relentlessness, he was hopeless.

They tickle-fought for a while (Roy almost won, or so he liked to believe) before finally stopping to catch their breaths between giggles, looking at each other in the eyes - but then Roy pulled Maes closer and kissed his nose lightly, caressing his cheeks with his hands cupped around his face. He loved him, he loved him so much.

-One day, I’ll marry you, Maes Hughes.-

His lover kissed him back, moving his black hair, preciously combed hair away from his face before smiling dearly and winking. 

-I can’t wait for you to, Roy Mustang, I just really can’t wait.-

The plate forgotten, the fork abandoned, all that remained was the light of the fireplace.

[multifandom-kpop-scenarios]

Can I have Younghyun(Day6)/ grim reaper/ insomnia by The Rose. Can't wait to read it!!!

Halloween Special: Day 13

Hi, Hello!!! Thank you for sending in a request for our halloween special, anon. I hope you like it. Enjoy~

Admin KZ

Word count:518

____

“We!” he emphasized as he looked into your eyes, “Can’t be.”

The amount of force he was putting into his words, was uncharacteristic of him. You couldn’t hold it against him because it sounded like he was trying to reason and believe what he was telling you was best. He looked frustrated for a moment before he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He took a step closer and reached his hand out, brushing the back of his fingers against your cheek. You closed your eyes, reveling in the feeling, for what was possibly the last time.

“______.” He said your name softly, and you looked up at him answering his call. He didn’t say anything, but you watched his eyes traced every contour of your face, ingraining the image of you in his mind.

“Younghyun.” You answered, your voice wavered, as you tried to hold it together.

——

The memory played in your head, chasing sleep from you. You stared at your ceiling as you remembered that day once again. It had been some time since then, and you could still hear the last time he called your name like it had been just a moment before. The sadness of it all took hold of your throat as you tried to hold back the tears. Too many had fallen from times before. You choked out a laugh, but in your own ears it resembled more of a sob. You still saw him in things, and there were instances where you could swear you saw him out of the corner of your eye. 

“Just go away.” You said, wishing that you could keep him out of reality.

Despite the thought, you wanted nothing more than to keep him with you. To keep him locked in that part of your heart that he still held.

———

He watched you fall apart, and because he couldn’t stay away he was watching you put all the pieces back together, in a way that didn’t include him. On the outside, you looked like you were fine, but the light on in your house at ungodly hours, told him that you were having trouble still. It was just a completely unfavorable situation for both parties. You were just beginning to find your place in the world. The same exact world he didn’t belong, at least not anymore. At one point in time, it was where he belonged. That all changed in an instant as his life was taken from him. What he got in return for his unfated end, was a new status of being. There were numerous names being like him had gone by and, to some extent, they fit. He was a JeoSeung Saja, called death by some. The one thing that was often misinterpreted about these beings, was that they couldn’t feel. After all, someone like him taking life, something so precious, must be unfeeling. That was something he knew for a fact was wrong, he could feel sadness, anger, happiness, love. It made sense why he could still feel, death was essentially what made life beautiful. Life like you. 

[ao3feed--sheith]

Unfated (the Home We Made remix)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YBnr7b

by psiten

Shiro lost his soulmate once before, and when he came back to Earth a second time, had to confront losing Adam a second time -- along with what it means to be falling in love with someone else. Someone who wasn't "meant to be", but who still means everything.

(A remix of "The Home We Made" by UkieS, for Sheith Remix 2020.)

Words: 2279, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron)

Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)

Additional Tags: Past Relationship(s), Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Platonic Soulmates, Canonical Minor Character Death, Voltron: Legendary Defender Season/Series 07, Moving On, Non-Established Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Sheith Remix 2020, Angst with a Happy Ending

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YBnr7b