#happiness life money bliss poetry
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Use this magic wand to drink your fancy coffee at home instead of in traffic.
It doesn't matter what brand. They are all basically the same with a different alphabet soup of letters on them. A rechargeable holds a charge for over two weeks of daily use and froths up milk like nobody's business.
Hey, would you like to avoid waiting eternally in line for a sip of that sweet elixir to be found only in your pretentious neighborhood Starbucks?
Would you like less of the few dollars you still have control over, after paying out all your hard earned money just to frickin exist as a biological organism with basic needs like food, water, and shelter. And maybe some love, if you're lucky. How much of that money do you want going to companies of morally and ethically questionable views on civil rights, fair trade, abuse and enslavement of indigenous people who grow the coffee, and genocides?
I don't want to give Starbucks corporate my money either. And it's not like they pay their workers enough to benefit the community either.
But I need that sweet elixir and I can't get by on Dunkin.
Well, have I got a life hack for you: Make your own damn coffee and put it in your own damn cup yourself.
Heavy cream is 5 bucks a quart. Heavy cream lasts for 3-6 weeks in some households in an opened cardboard container. It's pure fat and bacteria generally cannot consume fats. Cool fact of the day.
Heavy cream is the elixir of happiness. You can't feel bad while eating a whole bowl of newly whipped cream. Next time you feel down, put an inch of cream in a cup. Add some of your favorite sweeter. Use your magic milk frother wand for a minute or two. Then just spoon it in. Trust me.
Buy the best coffee beans you can afford. You can more than afford 2 week's worth of ethically sourced, super high quality beans, from whatever origin or blend you like, if you just skip 3 Starbucks runs.
Buy a coffee grinder. Fresh ground coffee. There is nothing like it.
Did you know that the newer coffee makers all come standard with timers. Even the dirt cheap ones. You don't even have to get out of bed to make the coffee all cold and fumbly. Just set it up at night and push the timer button before you brush your teeth. Wake up to the smell of that golden cup.
And then, while you enjoy that first sip of coffee neat and black, you take your magic wand and you use it to froth up milk. After you have enjoyed your pure coffee bliss, and pour your foamy milk onto your coffee. Full fat milk. Or half and half. Maybe indulge in cream. I suggest cream.
Frothing the milk is a learned skill. It takes some practice but you'll grasp the idea.
You can vary the froth by how long you froth the milk or cream. If you froth cream you will immediately get whipped cream and I highly suggest that.
Better, easier, more inexpensive, ethical morning coffee. In your own way. Thanks to today's technological wizardry!
Here's the better part. Instead of gulping down Starbucks in traffic, use your own darn coffee to help you center yourself for the day.
We can all find an extra 15 minutes in our morning to just sit down and drink your coffee before you face this day. (Hell, you probably have to budget at least 15 minutes to spend in line for your coffee every day already. Take it back.)
Find yourself in the moment, drink your coffee, contemplate a bird or a beetle or a cloud. Something of this cosmos. Drink your coffee and focus on something of this living cosmos. Not to become one with it or anything like that. Just to focus on something real that is alive and feel the kinship. It has a wonderful effect of resetting our view of ourselves into a more positive one. Sip your own darn coffee in comfort.
Then enrich your soul with 5 minutes of poetry, scripture, or philosophy. Sip your coffee as you ponder its meaning and significance.
Ready yourself to face your day. Do not review your to do list. Just prepare yourself to roll out. As you sip your coffee.
It can be the silliest dumbest mug in the world. It can be a crumbling creation from a 5yo or a more aesthetically pleasing form. Now fill it with a gourmet whatever the frick you want for 50 cents a day. Heck yeah. Every morning coffee is a uniquely you experience.
Build a better morning coffee ritual than gulping it down like a drug while cursing at other drivers. We can evolve as a society and join the rest of the civilized world.
Make your own darn coffee. Have a morning coffee ritual. It's a human right. Make a better morning coffee ritual for yourself. Be creative. Be yourself. Drink your own darn good coffee. Your way.
#coffee#starbucks#fuck starbucks#its actually easier than going to starbucks#But I want a latte not just normal coffee#I'd bet 90 percent of people can't tell the difference between espresso with a lot of steamed milk and very strong coffee with milk#you just like the taste of coffee and milk#they sell espresso makers too
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January 7th 2023
An Acrostic for Windfall
W----------Win
I---------------In
N--------Nice
D-------Dimension
F-------Fulfilling
A-------As
L------Life’s
L--------Lucky Grace
When reason and passion unite art begins. I hope that the art of muse remains with me throughout 2023. I enjoy the way the words become thoughts and things. I live life as a poem of victory. I am a beatific soul of beauty. Money grows on tree and yes money can buy happiness. I want to transcend all the novelists, poets and philosophers that I have read. My writing describing the objects of nature is a still life of painting. What is truth? Truth is the lived presence of meaning. Thoughts become the sculpture of things. I am fond of Avant-gardism. Intimacy is the heart of meaning. Time slows down and becomes a subjective truth in streams of consciousness. A dove is a metaphor of peace. The amorous self is a hyperbole of exaggeration. I wish that the aches and pains of life will turn into a joy of living. What is beauty? Beauty is the ornament of experiences. Has literature reached exhaustion and death? No it hasn’t and literature is always being celebrated as the art of meaning. Literature is the reincarnation of beauty. What happens when we go beyond the signifier (visual sensible world of words) and signified (intelligent ideal world of words)? We arrive at a state of experience as possession, incarnation, invocation, affirmation, catharsis, victory, ecstasy, eroticism, success and affluence. Language beyond the sign is the celebration of meaning. Here I am rewriting the existential philosophies of Sartre and Camus. I read Kant’s philosophy of transcendental idealism. In it he speaks of a difference the world of the senses and the world of experience. Orgasm is the bliss of experience. Sex is the highest form of art, a beatific surreal experience. We need to have the heart of passion and the mind of reason. Are we not manifestation of desires? I desire the life I want to live. Life is organized music. Before loving your neighbor, love yourself. Fulfillment is the endurance of expectation. Life is a pleasant anecdote. Eroticism is mutually shared. Affirm the dictum of Prospero Prometheus as the celebration of life. Pot is a beatific experience of the mind and body. Cure the dope of pessimism with the pill of optimism. After my death the only legacy that I leave is my writing. Binary fusion is a postmodern term that is coined by me. In it there occurs a text that does not privilege or marginalize anyone. Jazz is music of binary fusion which has won world acclaim as a contribution of black culture and being used thorough the entire world. How much I long for physical intimacy. My wife is so uncooperative and my significant other is miles apart from me. I want to flower my body with the intimacy of poetry. There is a colleague teacher who has lost her husband recently. I am thinking of wooing her but I am too shy to make the first move. I am no longer interested in masturbation as it bores me to death. I live a life that is poetic and passionate. Money for me is a greedy luxury. I am addicted to sex, booze and pot.
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the motivation 🗣
good morning neighbors and visitors,
I hope everyone had a safe and amazing weekend but we’re back to Monday. Woah.
Message for the week is simple, don’t let distractions and other people’s problems get in the way of wtf you have going on. Stay focused on your greatness and don’t forget it.🗣
With that said, neighbors have an amazing week, be you, do you, and protect your energy.🙏🏾
Sincerely,
Your favorite neighborhood blogger 🙇🏾♀️🤓
#femaleblogger#itsfuckinfashion#phuckinggawdlythecreator#blogspot#femalepoet#blogger#fashionblogger#blogpost#phucking gawdly#phuckinggawdly blogspot#new blog blogger poetry poems#blogger girlstuff femaleblogger awesome fantastic phuckinggawdlyowner#happiness life money bliss poetry#motivationmonday#mondayfunday
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How btvs characters would celebrate their s/o’s Birthday:
Characters include: Buffy; Spike; Angel; Giles; Cordelia; Oz; Willow; Tara; Xander; Anya; Riley and Faith
A/N: This is completely self-indulgent – it’s my Birthday! Yay !! There’s a few tiny sex references in these hcs but it’s mostly just up to interpretation I think 💖🖤
[Under the cut cos it’s quite long - I got excited !! 💖]
Buffy Summers:
- She would have a plan
- The plan may not exactly work out exactly how she wanted it to
- But either way it would be perfect to you
- She would plan a surprise party at the Bronze
- She would make sure everyone kept quiet
- (she wouldn’t even tell Dawn there was a party)
- She would want you at the centre of attention
- National y/n day
- she worried you usually would fade into the background cos she always has some slayer stuff to do
- she just wanted one moment where she could show you how much you mean to her
- she was very secretive, but you honestly hadn’t expected anything
- You were just happy to be hers so the fact she was doing this was secondary to your love
- It was T-ten minutes until you were about to walk through that door and who appears?
- A vampire, of course.
- Buffy scowled, storming up to the demon and screamed in his face that he had just ruined a month of planning
- He put his hands up in mock-surrender before dropping it and saying the fight didn’t stop for anyone
- Buffy traded blows and managed to stake the vampire (it was her PB time too)
- But this had all happened… Just as you walked in
- You coughed, spluttering slightly at the dust but you were quickly distracted by everyone’s shouts of ‘Happy Birthday!’
- You smiled, dusting yourself off and wrapping your arms around Buffy
- She looked a bit upset about the dust but you told her it was perfect
- It was the way you both lived and she had managed to do all of this with only a minor attack
- You loved it, all of your friends were there and you got presents and great live music
- She had gotten everything so right
- You danced and had the best time, feeling so loved with your girlfriend by your side
Spike:
- he would have remembered a week in advance
- Mostly cos he overheard you saying it to someone
- He didn’t forget he just wasn’t used to celebrating birthdays
- But of course once he realised he was trying to pull together some kind of plan
- (Although he’s not great at plans, evil plots or birthdays bless)
- He wanted to show you how much he loved you
- But nothing seemed enough
- He made Dawn and some of your more agreeable friends brainstorm with him
- Over what you would like
- Dawn insisted on a party so he just nodded
- The day came and he gave you your gift
- It was so meaningful
- And he even wrote a little bit of poetry
- Almost snatched it from you and tore it up as you read it
- But you gushed over it and absolutely adored it
- So he grinned and you embraced
- Then It was party time! at the Bronze
- He put his good shirt on and took your hand and lead you inside
- Very affectionate, always with a hand on you
- An arm around you, whispers and kisses
- Barely left your side
- So much so that it might as well have just been the two of you
- You had loads of fun with the Scoobies, dancing and laughing
- But as soon as Spike gestured with his head you nodded
- Took his hand and you both skipped the rest of the party
- Knowing the night was young and there would be plenty more celebrations to be had in the crypt
Anya:
- She would be giddy
- She would have such grand, sometimes outlandish plans
- Some too grand to actually be able to pull off
- She wouldn’t be able to keep any secret
- She’s very clingy and involved with a s/o
- So would want it all to be everything you loved
- Would glow if you said all you needed was her
- Absolutely would gush and throw her arms around you
- With that adorable excited smile
- She would plan a big day out
- She’s very adventurous in all aspects of her life
- She would decide on something you would love
- Maybe settle for the beach or she may ask what you would prefer
- Would insist on paying for everything
- The entire day
- If you express surprise at her spending so easily
- She will scrunch up her nose and tell you of course she would spend money on you
- Happily so
- The reason she wants to make more is so that you and her can be comfortable
- Together, just the two of you
- She would choose a really great gift
- It would be wrapped to perfection
- So nicely you wouldn’t want to unwrap it – it was a gift in itself
- You would drive to your destination and she would hold your hand as you walked around
- She may complain a little if it’s a lot of walking
- But she would definitely be enjoying herself
- Would whisper sweet things in your ear
- And you would find a cute little place to have a meal
- It would be very intimate
- And so very soft
- Both of you would cherish the memory of this birthday for years to come
Angel:
- Would be really anxious about getting it right
- You deserve everything to go right
- Wants you to enjoy yourself, to do something you would truly enjoy
- Would be bugging people asking for advice
- Which isn’t like him to initiate conversation
- Especially not with Xander
- But he wanted it to be exactly what you like
- Not outdated or boring
- Just perfect
- And to do that he had to recruit your friends opinions
- Which were contradictory and at times he decided they were making fun of him
- (they thought he wouldn’t know any better)
- But despite all of this he planned the perfect evening
- Some was a little old fashioned
- Probably a sit down meal
- He would have cooked himself
- All of your favourites, he wouldn’t taste it while he was cooking
- He doesn’t really do human food
- But you wouldn’t even have to pretend it tasted good
- You joked that he was annoyingly good at everything
- He gave you the sweetest most thoughtful gift
- Probably something small but oh so meaningful
- You noticed how nervous he had been leading up to today
- You put your hand over his
- You look at him softly, that way that makes him feel so loved
- So sure that this is real
- telling him that he was all you wanted
- It was a perfect day so long as he was by your side
- He grinned in that way he did, looking down
- Feeling more reassured
- Before reaching for you and scooping you up into the biggest hug
- He pressed some soft kisses against your forehead
- Your cheek
- The rest of your birthday evening spent in bed together
Giles:
- It would be an intimate affair, whatever you were doing
- Just the two of you
- Just exactly how you both like
- All you wanted was him anyway
- You insisted you didn’t want any presents
- Only him
- He was so attentive and adoring anyway
- But a little extra today
- He just wanted to do everything you wanted
- It would be your choice all day long
- You get to make all the decisions
- (if you hate decision-making he will ofc take over cos its your birthday lol)
- He’ll want to treat you through out the day
- Lots of small gifts through the day
- Just everything you adore
- Because you deserve all the sweetest little things
- He will take you in his arms, pressing the sweetest kiss to your forehead
- Whispering how much he loves you
- How much he loves this time of year
- Because it gives him the excuse to show you even more so how much he loves you
- He would bring you breakfast in bed and then the rest would be up to you
- You, of course, just want to spend the day with him
- You reach for him and pull him into you
- He would slide into bed beside you
- You would stay in bed together
- just you and him, cherishing the other
- long into the afternoon
- It’s purely bliss
Cordelia Chase:
- She would have a gift for every day of that week
- You would have a birthday week with her involved
- Showering you with gifts
- Some grand, some little tiny things that she saw and thought of you
- You would literally not doubt her love for you
- Her dedication
- And this was her way of showing it, you knew that
- She loved your birthday because she could spend time showing you just how much you meant to her
- She would want to have a big party for you
- Make everyone bring lots of gifts for you
- Literally wouldn’t let people in without at least two medium sized presents
- Or one massive present
- But she was open to suggestions
- (although she definitely got caught up in her vision for the day)
- She could definitely enjoy an intimate moment with you as well
- In the afternoon, before the party
- She would give you a main present
- It’s something you mentioned you liked in a store
- Like seven months ago
- And she remembered!
- Because you mean so much to her
- She’ll smile so big when you tell her how much you love it
- She’ll take you to the party, showing you off
- Won’t leave your side
- You’ll dance and sing
- Just soak up the entire evening
- You can’t believe just how lucky you are to have her
Oz:
- Tells you he has a gig on your birthday
- Can’t get out of it
- Really apologetic
- You say you don’t mind
- He offers you to come
- And you smile wide
- Pleased that despite the inconvenience he would want to spend even a brief break between sets with you
- Would have got you the most thoughtful and meaningful present
- He would have listened to everything you had ever expressed interest in
- He’s a really good listener
- And makes it a point of pride that he knows you this well
- So it was the big day and you travelled together to the bar
- He smiled and lead you in
- Everyone shouted and cheered when you arrived
- It was a surprise party
- With all your best friends
- The biggest surprise was that he planned it himself
- That soft smile when he saw how shocked and pleased you were
- He’ll have pulled you into him
- And pressed the softest kiss against your forehead
- He completely doted on you
- Wanted you to have everything
- So much so he felt a little bad for deceiving you
- But your excitement made it all worth it
- His band would actually play
- A few of your favourite songs
- Or some of the songs that were undoubtedly written about you
- Maybe even a little cheesy happy birthday at the end of their mini-set
- He would come back after that and you would celebrate into the night
- With all your favourite people around you
- Such a perfect day!
Faith:
- She would be a bit embarrassed about how enthusiastic she was
- About just everything about you really
- She would totally have a plan
- She would just be ridiculously embarrassed about it
- And try to play it off as cool
- Or that it wasn’t a big deal if you didn’t want to
- (she would actually die inside if you would rather do something else)
- But of course you want her
- And you tell her this a lot
- She glows when you do this
- She adores having your attention
- She gets that you are very good to her, you reassure her often
- Look out for her
- So she wants to basically pull out all the stops
- In her own way
- She’s been saving up
- For quite a long time
- Wanted to show you just how much she loves you
- You have reservations at Sunnydale’s fanciest restaurant
- There’s champagne: the works
- You’re confused but you smile at her, holding her hand over the table
- It’s nice that people are having to treat you both with such respect
- But you both bite into your meals and make the same face
- Of absolute disgust
- The food is overpriced
- And horrible
- You both look at each other, the same glint in your eye
- You take the bottle and dash for it together
- Laughing and eventually slowing
- You stop after a while, sharing the end of the champagne
- And kiss her
- You turn in and find your favourite fast food joint instead
- You’re both just on such a high
- Probably the best birthday ever
- It felt like it was just you and her
Riley:
- He had precise plans
- Well-thought out in advance
- You truly are the most important to him
- Plan was conducted with army-style accuracy
- So that you could have the best day
- He set up a little scavenger hunt
- Only small but so very cute and meaningful
- All around town
- With love notes and little gifts along the way
- It was truly the sweetest thing
- It melted your heart
- And his little puppy-dog look
- Of enthusiasm and excitement when you find the next clue
- Almost more excited than you
- It’s completely adorable
- You wrap your arms around him and cuddle into him
- Smiling wide when he wraps his arms around you
- Whispering how much he loves you
- Wants you to enjoy yourself
- Just have one day where there was no danger
- Nothing except happiness for you
- It means a lot
- At the end, there’s a gift waiting for you
- One that looks as if it was made for you
- He just knows you inside out
- You’ve arrived at your favourite restaurant
- It was the one that you had your first date in
- He just wants everything to be special
- And about you
- He’s managed to swing reservations and in the same spot by the window
- Because you always say you want to go back
- He only wants the very best for you
- You hold hands and slide your chair so that you get to sit closer to him
- Laying lots of affection on him
- Which he insists isn’t fair cos it’s your birthday
- He’s honestly the sweetest
- He makes your heart melt
Tara:
- Such a sweetheart with you
- Like completely in tune with the kind of day you’d love
- Wants it to truly be all about you
- She would make you your favourite breakfast
- If you woke up and came to see what she was doing
- She would cuddle up to you from behind
- Such a soft smile
- As she wishes you a happy birthday
- Pressing kisses against you
- She’s more excited than you for the day
- Absolutely adores you
- The gift she got you would be so meaningful
- Like completely what you want/needed
- Near knows your mind better than you
- She knows how much your friends mean to you
- Wants you to be happy
- Completely in tune with you
- And what you enjoy
- So she plans a lovely party at the bronze
- With all of your favourite people
- She’s right there with you
- Makes sure to buy you your favourite drinks
- You and your friends have such a great time
- Tara makes sure that it’s all about you
- She makes sure that everyone’s happy
- And that there’s no drama
- Or demons
- (and if any demons do crash, she makes sure that you don’t notice)
- Buffy nods and takes it outside
- She manages to swing your favourite band
- To come and play at the Bronze
- You squeal with excitement (internally lol if you’re not that way out)
- And they dedicate your very favourite song to you
- For your birthday
- You and Tara would dance together and have the best time
- It would be so much fun
- You tell her just how much you appreciate her
- She’s a complete sweetheart
- And you always feel cherished by her
- Like everyday, but especially now
- With all of this love surrounding you
Xander Harris:
- He would want to do something romantic
- Meaningful
- You deserved it
- And he was sure he didn’t treat you as good as you deserved
- Despite you being so incredibly happy with him
- He would tell you that there were plans
- So that you didn’t make any of your own
- But wouldn’t give you anything other than a vague direction
- On what type of clothing to wear
- (something warm but cute like you)
- I’m sure he would take every opportunity to kiss you
- And shower you with as much physical affection as possible
- Throughout the day
- In fact would probably claim the entire week in your honour
- Maybe even the month in his goofy enthusiasm
- Would actually have a present sorted well in advance
- He has an (unfounded in his opinion) reputation for forgetting or not putting so much thought into his gifts
- But he has worked to turn this stereotype around
- Especially so for you
- Very thoughtful with his gifts
- Will most likely have made it himself
- It’s perfect and you tell him this
- Between kisses
- He would then lead you to
- Would blindfold you but you absolutely trusted him
- And you open your eyes and find yourself at a movie theatre
- It’s lovely but you squint and look at him a little confused
- He smiles in that soft way and shows you
- The entire theatre is reserved for you
- Just you and him
- And all the snacks you need
- (he used to work with the guy that manages the cinema and he owes him one)
- They’re showing something you’ve been dying to see
- And you hold his hand, leaning against him
- When you’re ready to leave he shakes his head, pressing a kiss against you
- They’re showing a marathon
- Of some of your all-time favourites
- It was so thoughtful and so entirely perfect for the both of you
Willow:
- Honestly so excited for your birthday
- Basically vibrating with how excited she is
- She really loves you
- And has a bunch of sweet gestures and plans
- Up her sleeve
- Just wants everything to be about you
- You spend the morning in bed, mostly relaxing
- Snuggling and soft kisses against you
- She’ll whisper happy birthday
- And immediately pass you a little gift
- She couldn’t wait any longer
- Bright eyes and a brighter smile
- Widens with yours as you see the sweetest gift
- Absolutely perfect for you
- You wrap your arms around her and stay like that
- For a long while
- Just basking in how much you love each other
- How much you just truly get each other
- Eventually she managed to coax you out of bed
- She snaps her fingers twice and you give her a confused look
- But you soon understand
- She’s decorated the entire house
- Just to your taste too
- Very sweet and all for you
- She took a really long time perfecting the spell
- You get ready, she bought you that outfit you said you liked
- That happened to be perfect for a party
- You both dress nice and go downstairs
- To see all of your friends waiting
- The music starts and your favourite people are all around
- You have a really great time celebrating
- And you can see just how much effort she’s put in
- She’s so sweet with you, brings the fun out
- Makes you so happy
- The day is just perfect
- She baked too, a cake (or the alternative that she knew you would like lol)
- She spent so much time on it, just for you
- The party was so fun everyone ended up staying over
- You and Willow cuddle up on the sofa, whispering long into the night
#Spike btvs#Angel btvs#Buffy Summers#Willow Rosenberg#Tara Maclay#Riley Finn#Rupert Giles#Anya Jenkins#Xander Harris#Oz#Daniel Osbourne#Cordelia Chase#Faith lehane#hc#buffyverse hc#headcanon#buffyverse headcanon#Buffy The Vampire Slayer#buffy the vampire slayer imagines#btvs#btvs hc#btvs x reader#btvs imagine#gn#gender neutral#x reader
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Blood For Gold Part 6
Ok, so for the parts that are in italics, that’s meant to signify that they’re speaking a foreign language. What does marinai sound like in my imagination? Have you ever heard Hebrew or Arabic or even Aramaric poetry? How GORGEOUS it sounds? Like that.
Again, a thousand thanks to @kriskukko for letting me do this and borrow their art, thanks to @punkhorse96 for all of your amazing feedback. Enjoy.
Blood For Gold
Part 6
You were barely able to walk up the steps of your own home. Demsey Draft had rutted you so good, so many times in every way you could ever want and made you feel like a treasured, beloved goddess and certainly worshiped you like you were one, so much so that your legs felt like jelly, but the happy, dreamy smile on your face was priceless. You went straight upstairs and dressed in something else moura but something clearly less sexy but much more comfortable and simply had your hair down in soft curls as you applied a face mask so that your complexion tomorrow would be as glowing as your insides surely were right now. It had been just what you needed.
You needed to get the taste of that pregnancy warding tea out of your mouth though. Although you knew that much more of these meetings, you were going to associate the taste with Demsey and soon you’d drink it and instantly get turned on.
“Did you have a pleasant evening My Lady?” Rose asked as she helped you take off your face mask before you would eat dinner, although you didn’t really have much appetite for it since your late lunch, early dinner feast with Demsey Draft had sated your hunger quite perfectly in every sense.
“I did, the gardens were beautiful, the perfect diversion from the week I’ve had.” You answered.
“I’ve heard news my Lady.” She informed you.
“What news?” You asked.
“There was another moura bride came off the train just today, she’s supposed to be at the ball tomorrow.” She informed you.
“From the stables?” You asked.
“Yes, came with a very large party, there had to be dozens of people with her, staff of all kinds, she went straight to the Palace of Windsor. Annabelle and Martha saw it since the party came out into the market a little by the station, all of them were loaded up into a few dozen carriages, all of which belonged the Palace of Windsor, they took up most of the train and most of the cargo, it was a moura train too, they could tell by the way the particular rail cars were decorated on the outside. Annabelle said she could smell the exotic fruits herself, mainly mango, pineapple and papaya.” She told you as you swooned at even the very mention of those exotic fruits.
“Did Annabelle see the bride?” You pressed.
“Aye, a jewel orc, would shame a peacock or any other jewel.” She answered as you blinked in surprise.
“Well color me surprised. I did not think the royal family of elvish and human decent would want a jewel orc. But hopefully they treat her well. I look forward to seeing her again, whoever she might be, there are only five jewel orc brides at the stables, Callellea, Delmalina, Benyana, Adrinelle and Savamelle and thankfully I am friends with all of them, I look forward to seeing whichever one of them came. Can you tell the cook to make a sheet of baklava? I wish to take some to whichever of those girls will be there tomorrow.” You insisted.
“Absolutely, I’ll tell him at once my Lady.” Rose smiled happily and left you again to do as you instructed.
Meanwhile Demsey had made it to his own home and promptly crashed on his bed, his body spent and sore in places he didn’t think could get sore, but he was sated in every sense and very happy and relaxed the way any epic rut would leave anyone.
“Why do you smell like a woman?” Seirge asked as he came to call Demsey down for dinner and sniffed the air deeply, getting that particular scent, which this was only the second time he was smelling it. It was good but peculiar and he couldn’t place his finger on it or explain why it was peculiar.
“Because I was with one hell of a woman.” Demsey murmured, his voice half muffled from his pillows since he was laying face down on his bed, his body was spent, his stomach was full and now all he wanted was the sweet bliss of sleep.
“Sowing more wild oats are you?” Seirge prodded.
“Something like that, don’t...don’t tell anyone.” Demsey pleaded.
“You also smell like you’ve eaten already.” Seirge probed as he picked up scents of food too.
“Because I have, I’ve had my fill for tonight, all I want is sleep.” Demsey insisted as he barely pulled his blankets down on the other side of the bed and rolled over and tried to tiredly take his own clothes off that you had helped redress him in, such a sweet, thoughtful thing too. It had actually almost started another round, trying to dress each other but it was an act that was surprisingly intimate yet sentimental too.
“So does this woman have a name?” Seirge asked as Demsey cracked an eye open fixed his brother with a look.
“Does it matter?” Demsey returned because even if Miss Audra Draft worked in a whorehouse, he was feeling particularly possessive at the moment and not wanting to share such a treasure with anyone, let alone his brother.
“I guess it doesn’t, I was just curious.” Seirge shrugged nonchalantly. Even though he could smell her better with every piece of clothing his brother took off, he could find her by scent if he had to.
“Miss Audra Draft, she works at the Red Velvet Rope.”
“Is that why you don’t have any pocket money anymore? Because you’ve been blowing it at the casino?” Seirge instigated.
“Sure.” Demsey chuckled as he undid as much of his clothes as he could before he had to sit up to take it off of himself and once he took off his clothes Seirge then started cackling laughing at all the love bites, claw marks and other evidence on his brother’s body of an intense sexual encounter.
“Whew, nevermind, I can smell all of her on you. Damn, you know I never pegged you for the type to be into moura women, but obviously you had a good time.” Sierge laughed.
“I had the time of my life. Mouras are...they are always the best at whatever they decide to do and she’s...she has no compare.” Demsey praised with a dreamy smile.
“Even to your Countess Audravienne Morrigan?” Seirge pressed.
“...ok, I take it back, there is only one creature above her, and that is the Countess, but the resemblence between the two is uncanny, they even sound similar, which is probably why I prefer Miss Draft to any other except the Countess and that is only because I guess all mouras look the same after the Gold Plague, did you know that the gold that rained down from heaven was actually the gold dust ash of billions of heavenly moura who died in the plague? I had no idea that that is what it was. But Miss Draft was happy to give me a history lesson and even fed me a proper moura feast there, it was some of the best food I’ve ever had in my life, and is why I’m not hungry for dinner cause I’ve already had every appetite except for sleep satisfied today.” Demsey insisted as he pulled on a sleep tunic before he crawled into bed.
“Well next time you go, take me with you, even though I doubt you’d share, I wouldn’t mind at least seeing what you see.” Sierge said as he blew out the candles in his brother’s room so his brother could get some sleep before also throwing on some more wood the fire in the fireplace.
“Uh huh,” Demsey murmured as he fought to hold onto conciousness now that he was in bed before Sierge left him in peace.
The next day you happily gorged yourself on breakfast before you spent most of the day getting your hair washed along with your body and scrubbed, pampered, moisturized and massaged and then perfumed before Richard and Agnes and Jane would be coming to pick you up in the early evening and take you to the ball in their barouche box carriage as your ladies got you ready in your gown that had been dropped off just that morning along with several others, a few of which you couldn’t remember Agnes ordering, or yourself, the ones you couldn’t remember were very clearly more moura in style then the rest but you paid it no mind since the dress you would be wearing tonight was a superb gold gown, close to the Regency style, but clearly had some moura touches which you didn’t remember asking for or ones that Agnes hadn’t asked for either but you were so happy and so excited to see an old friend, you didn’t care. You wanted to look like the perfect balance between moura and English while your thoughts drifted to who exactly had come. You were both hoping yet fearing it was Callellea, you didn’t want her sweet soul anywhere near here, but the others you would still be very happy to see.
However no sooner had you gotten ready than the Morrigans were there early to pick you up as you took a deep stabilizing breath and then went down to see them only to be met with many more trunks that were being brought in while crates of fruit and other foods were delivered to your kitchen.
“What’s all this?” You asked as you gestured to it.
“A gift, apparently the Young Dauphin Ramsey has brought in a moura bride, apparently a good friend of yours from Dorierra, they had tried to deliver it to us at Broadcove but once they learned that you were no longer with us there, it was promptly picked up and all brought here. We hope you have room for it all.” Jane answered as she eyed your new treasures and gifts with delight.
“Well then I must invite you to stay the night tonight then dear Jane to help me unpack it all and inspect everything.” You insisted as she giggled excitedly and nodded in agreement.
“Well we must be off before we run late.” Agnes insisted as she ushered both of you out of the house and into the carriage where Richard was waiting.
“So the Dauphin brought a moura bride from the stables?” You asked Agnes and Richard once inside the carriage as you sat next to Jane.
“Apparently he brought two, will be pitting them against each other for his hand, as if the courting market wasn’t fierce enough.” Agnes answered, because her hopes that Jane might catch his eye after your own betrothal to someone else were being dashed to pieces at the very thought.
“Do we know their names? Because I know every other moura bride at the stables, if she is a close friend that could be helpful and tie us to the royal family.” You mused, knowing that was what would incite them to be a little more honest and forthcoming with you- offering what they clearly wanted.
“They’re long, overly extravagant, barely pronounceable foreign names.” Richard waived off and you bit your lips to keep yourself from arguing with him. You would know as soon as this carriage would get you there but in the meantime you tried to remain patient as the carriage seemed to travel even slower than usual, getting behind other carriages who were all going the same way and whoever was already on their way was taking their own sweet time and it took every ounce of willpower not to get out of the carriage and just run there and beat them there. But you were a lady, a Countess at that, and you had sweet Jane to think about, you couldn’t make this hard on her because the Morrigans had learned early that you had a soft spot for Jane and made a show of pressing that soft spot whenever you displeased them. It was plainly barbaric.
Finally upon arriving at the ball, you finally caught sight of them. Czarina Callellea your best friend in the world and Princess Benyana, another friend, perhaps not as close as Callellea though. You nearly squealed at seeing them as your moura marks lit up like fireworks as theirs did the same as they practically ran to you and even though it broke tradition and rules of decorum, they pulled you into a hug and you practically melted into their arms, all three of you nearly crying all your makeup off at the prospect of being reunited as the three of you hugged tightly before they each kissed your cheeks as you did the same.
“Why are you dressed so English?” They asked as you pulled away to look at each other as they spoke in marinai- the moura mother tongue to you.
“Because the family I married into commanded it.” You answered which made them both scrunch up their noses in disgust.
“I heard from them that both of you are here for one man?” You asked them.
“Yes, a Duke Demsey Voyambi,” they answered and your heart stopped as all air crashed from your lungs as your face fell.
“Is he a bad man?” They asked you worriedly reading your reaction.
“No! No, he’s perfectly fine, kind, funny and friendly and actually a friend of mine, we are at first names, his grandfather protected the king in battle, that’s how the family got their Duchy, and they have a soap business, that’s how the family makes their money, but he’s attached to Lady Whitesale. His sister told me directly and when I asked him in private, he did not deny it, I do not know her though. I don’t know what she looks like. But, are you sure that the Duke sent for you?” You asked.
“No the duke didn’t send for us, the royal family did, they wanted to see more mouras in their gentry, and the Duke is orc but is a purist and therefore only a jewel orc will do in that kind of situation and apparently he isn’t the only orc in gentry here, the offer is the same that you got from your Edward.” They informed you. Your own contract with Edward had been extremely generous but was largely ignored until after his death when the Morrigans were forced to head it or risk losing everything.
“Oh,” you answered as your heart constricted painfully into your chest.
“Well, when you are not trying to seduce the Duke, there are moura clubs here, I have only had a chance to go to one, but I hear the others are amazing.” You answered.
“Oh good,” they blew out a breath of relief before the Duke was announced to have arrived.
“Time to get work I guess.” You bid them, trying to sound cheerful but you could feel nothing but disappointment.
“Did you have your eye on the Duke?” Callellea asked as she took a step in that direction before Benyana clearly didn’t wait for her to go ahead and come over to them before Callellea stepped closer to you again.
“I did, but with him already attached, I withdrew. But if he likes you better than Whitesale, then, more power to you. It’s ok, go, see how handsome he is, because he is very handsome with a nobility of character that will be rarer than the diamonds we are wearing.” You nodded in his general direction before she withdrew and left your side and when they withdrew the Morrigans were on you in an instant, reminding that that would be the only time it would be acceptable for you to break the rules of decorum before you simply marched away from them and towards the punch bowl.
“No sunrise is as beautiful as the ones in your eyes.” Came a masculine purr, in marinai again, near your ear and his voice sent a shiver down your spine and made every hair stand on end, but in a good way.
“Leumeni.” You turned to see your old lover who came to stand beside you, also getting himself some punch.
“Since when do the stables let a male leave?” You asked him, sticking to marinai again, not knowing when you’d get a chance to speak it again.
“Since they offered for us to come and chaperone our sisters since they can not be without those in this country apparently.” He answered.
“If I could hug you I would.” You told him.
“Oh I know, I am fighting not to pick you up off your feet and spin you around, but I was informed of the rules all day.” He rolled his eyes as you smiled sadly in response.
“How come you have never returned my letters?” He asked curiously.
“You wrote to me?” You asked with a confused crown.
“I did, I have been writing to you about once a month ever since you left, checking up on you, but I have never heard back.” He answered.
“But I have been writing to you and the rest of my friends but I have never heard back either. I do not know if the mail system is reliable or not, I have gotten no letters from anyone, not even my parents or my siblings. Once I left the stables all communication has ceased, sometimes the letters come back to me undelivered, other times, they just vanish. And I do not know what happens. I have even tried to hire specific carriers to travel directly, but all they do is take my money but offer no results or vanish completely and I am still left with nothing.” You answered and the more you talked the deeper he frowned.
“Then I will look into it on your behalf. We have been invited here by the royal family. There is no way any moura will ever marry here if they can’t even get a letter home and back.” He insisted before you brought him closer.
“When you and the rest of all who came here get a chance, come to Mirador, that is my residence. I have things for all of you to read since I can not speak of it now.” You implored.
“We will come, tomorrow if you’ll have us.” He offered.
“I have company tonight, make it the day after tomorrow.” You insisted.
“Absolutely, we will be there.” Leumeni insisted before he bowed and retreated again.
“Do forgive me for overhearing Countess…” Dauphin Ramsey began as he sidled up to you, continuing to speak in marinai.
“Oh, your Grace, I apologize, I shouldn’t be talking about my personal affairs at a time such a this and I did not realize that anyone else not from Dorierra would be speaking marinai.” You immediately apologized as you curtsied in place.
“Oh please, do not apologize. You should be able to speak any language you wish. You must not worry, very few know marinai here in England, but my mother has taught it to me as my mother tongue as well, English is so very difficult to speak, much less read or write and you speak it so beautifully and the marinai accent only makes the most humble language sound ethereal. It seems my cousins have not done their homework and research before inviting more mouras here without hearing from the last moura to grace the court about how she is doing and getting along. To hear of such troubles with something as simple yet important as your own private letters to your parents going astray, especially in our royal mail system, is unacceptable, I will have the matter looked into and investigated as soon as possible. You did the right thing by coming forward and telling the truth of the matter, to a trusted friend at that and my only apologies are that I overheard it but it concerns every moura on English soil. And if there is anything else for you that I may do, please tell me. I must apologize for not coming to you sooner, I was trying to respect your mourning period.” Ramsey reassured you as you blinked in surprise.
“Sir, I fear what repercussions may happen if you do though.” You murmured with an apprehensive look.
“My dear Countess, no you must never fear anyone ever. You are a royal moura, you technically outrank me, I believe your former rank of Sultana should still hold true and as such that puts you on even ground with the Queen herself. You have more royal blood running through those veins than all of the royal family put together. We mouras are still in our golden age. The Gold Plague did nothing but made the survivors more precious and valuable than ever. While this matter is sorted out, please, when we won’t be seeing each other at balls, won’t you consider joining me at the Midnight Peacock? They dance every moura dance at the stables and we’ve even invented our own. You would be the bell of the ball even if you showed up in burlap.” He offered.
“Uh, well, I don’t know if that will be permitted your Grace.” You slowly answered.
“Why?” He asked.
“Because of this.” You said as you pulled out the list, the one that Agnes and Richard had dictated to Jane to write down of suitors to avoid where his name was at the very top and handed it to him.
“Who gave you such a list?” Ramsey demanded as he scowled deeply.
“It was dictated to me by Count and Countess Morrigan, they forced their sweet and innocent daughter Jane to write it down faithfully.” You answered honestly.
“Every moura in the country is on this list.” Ramsey realized before his face changed to smug understanding.
“Well Sultana, is it alright if I address you as such?” He asked.
“Please, just Miss Audravienne if you must be formal, Audra if you wish to be friends.” You suggested as that seemed to delight him.
“I will also look into this. I understand that you also had a contract between the Morrigans and yourself and the stables, would you mind if I also looked into that, because I believe all three are related.”
“Really?” You asked.
“Well, I do not wish you to worry about it, but I would simply like for your permission to look into these personal matters, us mouras must stick together, birds of feathers flocking together am I right?” He pressed and you smiled in relief.
“Then you have my permission.” You decided.
“Then just call me Ramsey, my dear friend Audra.” He insisted as he took your hand and kissed it charmingly.
“If you are to take that, you might as well have the other one.” You insisted as you pulled the other one from your large clutch.
“Give me just a moment please to pass these onto my best man and I will return to you in just a moment my dear Audra and when I return, if I may be so bold as to claim the first two dances.” He cooed before he left, and while you did feel some guilt for using his Grace to deal with your problems with the Morrigans, you had always been suspicious of them for creating some kind of unseen barrier, as you also wondered if your own staff that followed you from Broadcove also had a hand in it. But having the cousin of the royal family look into the matter may be just as good as royal intervention you supposed since you could no longer count on the stables to do so any more than they already had.
Meanwhile Demsey and his brothers had almost frozen in place to see two jewel orc moura practically strut up to them. They had never seen jewel orcs before and to see them in person, was an experience to say the least.
“Which one of you is Duke Demsey Voyambi?” Benyana asked before Demsey’s brothers pointed to him.
“We were told by the royal family to meet your family in particular. It’s so wonderful to see orcs take our rightful place in high society. Sadly this court is late, in other courts in Europa, orcs take up over half of all the gentry, yet all we see is what? Three, maybe four orc families here?” Benyana revealed as she looked around, frowning at what she saw before she turned her attention back to Demsey and his family and smiled again at them, her prettiest, most charming smile at that.
“It is quite an imbalance.” Demsey nodded in agreement.
“So won’t you take a turn on the dance floor with me, your Grace? I have been practicing the dance steps for the last two weeks. Even on the train here I practiced. I want to see if it was worth it.” Callellea began, with a direct and hopefully look to Demsey before Benyana could get her hooks into Demsey herself.
“Of course.” Demsey readily agreed as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor while his brother Sierge asked Benyana to dance.
“I have heard a rumor about you already.” Callellea murmured to Demsey as she took his arm as they made their way through the crowd and pulled his arm to her side tightly to pull his ear to her.
“You have?” Demsey asked as he couldn’t help but grimace slightly.
“Sultana Audravienne informed me that you have an attachment to a Lady Whitesale?” She pressed.
“Ah. I see. That is actually not true. My sister Kiera insisted that I did in an effort to keep Countess Agnes Morrigan from trying to play matchmaker with me, but when Audra asked me about it, I didn’t want to embarrass my sister by contradicting her, and I should have had more honor and told Audra the truth, I barely tolerate Lady Kate Whitesale because she’s disingenuous.” Demsey confessed.
“Well then you should correct that misunderstanding before I fear it will be too late.” Callellea warned with a pleading look.
“What do you mean too late?” Demsey asked as he then turned and started leading Callellea to the side of the space that wasn’t crammed full of people.
“Then you must declare it to her and make the truth known, because she feels the former is true. Princess Benyana and I were invited here to try to court you, since it is apparently known that you will only take an orc for a wife but that you at least give the Sultana enough attention that you are deemed a distraction at least or a threat at most by her other pursuer. We were sent to try to seduce you away from her so that someone within the royal family may have the freedom to pursue her without you distracting her. When we told Audra of this she looked absolutely gutted and heartbroken because she had her eye on you. But her own honor forbade her from pursuing you and now I fear that her own fear of the royal family will not permit her from expressing it either. If you do not return the attraction then by all means, let her be pursued by others, but if you share and return her feelings, then by all means, say something, do something. Otherwise she will be snatched up before the end of the evening and the vicious cycle begins anew.” Callelea implored him as he stared at her in surprise.
“Do you have any care for her? Do you have any partiality or attraction whatsoever towards Sultana Audravienne?” Callellea pressed.
“I do.” Demsey insisted.
“I know we are strangers but she told me that you are of noble character, one that we would have a hard time finding a comparison to in this court. Is that true?” Callellea pressed.
“If Audra said such things, then I have no choice but to do my utmost to live up to such high praise.” Desmey answered as his own affection for you grew as his smile turned bashful.
“Then you should have my confidence. Do not repeat this or let on that you know- but she suffered greatly under the Morrigan’s roof. She suffered unspeakable horrors. So much so that she was not allowed back to the stables, despite everyone in the stables contesting it. But she had no choice but to sign a contract that she would not return to them unless her very life was in danger, I only know this because I broke into the stable master offices and found the contracts and read them myself. But she is forbidden from talking about it because she signed it. She can’t go home and she is left to fend for herself when in a society, women have no voice or autonomy, it leaves her at the mercy of the men around her and the men around her since she has left have done nothing but bring her harm. And it is clear that the Morrigans are still treating her badly, despite the contracts that they would not. I saw the way they were practically breathing down her throat the moment I left her side. Is there anything you can do to help her?” Callellea implored.
“I have asked but she won’t give me a direction.” Demsey confessed as his heart once again reached out to you.
“Then ask again, ask every time you see her, be sincere and genuine, do not give up. Gain her trust and respect. She has spent her whole life preparing for a life that did nothing but hurt her. Now she is free to at least marry who she wants, she deserves to marry for love and she deserves for someone to treat her like the treasured angel she is, if you are lucky enough to catch her eye and gain her friendship. Then prove you are worthy of it and don’t fall for this trick.” She urged as Demsey looked away from her and saw that the Dauphin was walking away from you, with several pages in his hands as he recognized the list in them.
“I will do all I can, in the meantime, if you could just dance one dance with my brother Tzane, I would be most appreciative, and do not worry, Tzane wouldn’t hurt a mosquito that was sucking the blood from him.” Demsey requested.
“Thank you. Now go to her.” Callellea urged as Demsey realized this must be the same Callellea who wrote that note to you.
“Oh, Voyambi, tell me, do you know anything about this?” Ramsey asked as Demsey crossed paths with him first on his way to you.
“Yes I do. Two weeks ago, my sisters and I were out to tea at Worthingtons we all overheard Countess Agnes dictate both of these lists to Sultana Audravienne, Jane had no choice but to write them down. Agnes also heavily criticized the Sultana every time she took a bite of food or a drink of tea, and forbade her from putting cream or sugar in her tea, or from eating any sweets whatsoever. And then that very same day, they went out to dinner at the Savoy where they were joined by Count Richard Morrigan who repeated the same direction. Even though the Sultana lives at Mirador, the Morrigans seem to continue to try to control every breath she takes.” Demsey ventured, enacting his own vengeance on your behalf.
“Had you not gotten it from her, I was going to be making your Grace aware of it, because I could cleary tell that the Morrigans planned on excluding and alienating half of the court,” Demsey added.
“Because you’re a good man, in order to protect the Sultana Audravienne, might we agree that you did? So that would take any blame off of her when this is investigated?” Ramsey asked.
“You may, I would happily shoulder that.” Demsey immediately agreed.
“Good man, have you met the Princess and the Czarina yet?” Ramsey asked.
“Yes, they’re both exquisite, as all mouras are but jewel orcs are clearly a class of their own. Their majesties were wise in inviting jewel orcs into the realm. It will only strengthen the court, diversify it before it can be solidified and bolstered, in fact I was just on my way to the Sultana to ask for her opinion and advice, since surely she must know them better than anyone else here.” Demsey praised, knowing that’s what Ramsey wanted to hear because out of everyone in the royal family, Dauphin Ramsey was the only one unmarried, and it didn’t take but a half wit to know who exactly had brought the jewel orcs in, it left no doubt in Demsey’s mind that it was Ramsey’s idea, but if Ramsey’s reputation was true, he would ruin you the moment another moura prettier than you could be brought up in the stables and he would no doubt “trade up” and Demsey felt he needed to protect you from that.
“I agree, enjoy them tonight, I would hate to see either of them leave without so much as a betrothal, but alas we may only take one wife.” Ramsey shrugged before he left, happy and practically tickled that Demsey corroborated the story as already quite the case was building up against the Morrigans.
“Sultana Audravienne,” Demsey called to you before a look of complete relief and happiness washed over your face at seeing him again while your moura marks practically glittered in delight, despite your own heart breaking after overhearing the Duke’s conversation with the Dauphin.
“Duke Demsey.” You greeted as you both curtsied in place since that was as “formally informal” you could be in this setting.
“I really need to talk to you,” Demsey said as he came to stand as close to you as society would allow, but lowered his voice so that no one would hopefully overhear the conversation.
“About the Princess or about the Czarina? Both are exquisite, it’s actually Princess Benyana that has the most to offer you, her brothers make most of the soap in the stables, I’m sure if you courted her, you would be able to get the recipe, or especially if you wed her- it could be written in the contract with the stables that you could take it, make it and sell it for your gain as well as hers since upon marring a bride from the stables, proof of income and ability to care for her, even in the event of your death, are a requirement, which I’m sure will be easy for you to establish. Since the royal family invited them here, they would support you in that request, I can’t imagine how many hundreds of thousands of pounds you would make if you did. I know I would buy it by the case.” You informed him as you tried to put on a brave smile but couldn’t look him in the eye because if you did the tears that were rimming your eyes would fall and looking down into your own glass and trying to furiously blink them away just as Ramsey came back to your side.
“Buy cases of what my dear Audra?” Ramsey asked as it was Demsey’s heart that stopped as it felt like each one of those words in that sickeningly romantic cooing tone from Ramsey’s mouth was a stab into his being as anxiety began to eat at him as fear that he was already too late frayed his nerves.
“Oh I was telling the excellent Duke Voyambi that if he were to court Princess Benyana, he had the most to gain from her besides her exquisite beauty that has no equal, or talents that set a standard of perfection that even I can’t live up to, also since it is her brothers that make most of the soaps of every variety under the sun, moon and stars, and that if there would be a courting between the two, he might ask for the recipes to make them to sell so that England would have a proper moura soap, that anyone who wanted to buy a piece of luxury could own. I know of so many mouras who would buy anything even remotely similar since our moura skin can be so delicate and sensitive. Surely he could make a fortune if he did so and thus support our great empire through his own fair and just taxes your Grace. But then again it is the Czarina Callellea’s brothers who make some of the best food in all of the moura stables and are proficient in all the moura court styles of cuisine and can blend them all together seamlessly. Surely a cookbook penned by her brothers would be worth it’s weight in platinum. Even as large as I’m sure it would be. Moura food is almost impossible to find outside of the stables and I mourn the absence of a good moura restaurant here. I have tried to give my own cooks some recipes from dishes from my own court that have been passed down through my own family but they are limited in what ingredients are available here and they don’t have the same culinary training that moura chefs do. And I long for a taste of home.” You explained as Demsey wanted to scream in protest because you were giving Ramsey all the ammunition he needed to force this issue on him but at the same time he could see you were clearly just trying to support him and do what was best for him and his family but at this point, he could care less about business, you were suddenly more important to him than selling another stupid bar of soap, he needed to think quickly and try to say something if only to tip you off to the truth.
“Then it would be better for his Grace to court the Czarina since your Grace’s appetites for all things moura are practically insatiable, perhaps her brothers can cook up something that will finally sate your appetites since it’s clear that they came with their sisters.” Demsey suggested to the Dauphin but you couldn’t help but secretly agree. Yalin had warned you about her son, how he was insatiable and how he was on a search for the perfect moura mate who would be both perfectly moura yet able to also be perfectly English and told you which days her sons frequented both the Red Velvet Rope and the Midnight Peacock so that you would not go on the same nights as him.
“Perhaps, in that case I must insist that both the Sultana and your family must come for such a feast.” Ramsey invited. Not realizing what Demsey was really getting at.
“It would bring us great honor your Grace, in the meantime, might I have the first two dances with Sultana Audravienne?” Demsey asked.
“I believe I have already claimed them.” Ramsey argued smugly.
“The Dauphin has claimed the first two dances but you Duke Demsey, may claim the two after that if you are not already engaged.” You offered before you offered your dance card for him to sign on as he readily did.
Then the music started not long after as the Dauphin then led you to the dancefloor as you did your best to remember the steps as the Dauphin did nothing but flatter you and all moura gifts which you apparently possessed upon him just looking at you, all in marinai the whole time as you couldn’t help but notice Agnes’ scowl at you that you were dancing with the Dauphin and every time you saw her gaze you looked away, feeling her gaze strike at you and feared for Jane and what Jane would suffer because of your dancing with the Dauphin. You were ever so grateful when it was Demsey’s turn to dance with you.
“Audra, please, I really need to speak with you.” Demsey insisted.
“I’m so sorry your Grace, I’m so parched from dancing with the Dauphin, might we get some punch?” You suggested a little louder for Ramsey’s benefit before Demsey smiled in relief and happily led you away from the dancefloor as the two of you got punch and then slipped through the crowds, both of you weaving through like a thread through a tapestry until finally you found a mostly abandoned gallery of art as you both made a show of staring at all the art.
“So what would you like to say?” You murmured quietly.
“My sister lied to you a couple of weeks ago and instead of exposing the truth and potentially damaging her reputation, I didn’t say anything, and even when you asked me privately, I did not confess and I’m sorry. But there is no attachment between Lady Whitesale and I, I can barely stand her in truth. Kiera was simply saying that to protect me from the Countess Agnes Morrigan, but also at the time I didn’t want you to get the impression that your own dowry changed my mind on the matter. I was hoping to find a moment between then and now to talk to you but my own affairs with business have had me completely swamped and I have not had a moment of peace. While the Czarina and the Princess are lovely, I still prefer you to them, I...I have a partiality to you and I have been drawn to you since the moment we shared a cabin on the train those couple of weeks ago. And while I want nothing more than our own friendship to grow stronger, I also want to declare…” Demsey began before you were interrupted.
“Duke Voyambi, this is where you’ve taken my dearest Audra, I have wonderful news, the Czarina and the Princess would both like to invite you to stay at the royal palace of Windsor while they are here, they’ve been looking all over for you trying to tell you. I mentioned your desire to eat moura foods and the Czarina’s brothers jumped at the chance and have already left to prepare it for you themselves while the Princess’ brothers also have insisted on making you new soaps and beauty treatments, in fact they’ve insisted on going to your residence to sample what water is available there so that the soaps may be custom tailored just for you and what you need, they were most insistent.” Dauphin interrupted as he hurriedly walked into the room and over to you to steal you away as he took your arm and wrapped it around his own pullying you away from the Duke which you begrudgingly allowed.
“Oh, that’s very kind, but they just dropped off gifts at my residence and I have yet to even look at them and I was supposed to be inviting Countess Jane Morrigan over tonight to help me.” You tried to excuse yourself.
“Oh but even I must insist, even my sister the Dauphine Charlotte is also going to be staying, it seems every moura within the royal family will be coming, and you, the Czarina and the Princess will be the special guests, really even if your own guest is to be Countess Jane Morrigan, I was told by the Queen herself that I was not to take a ‘no’ for an answer and do whatever it was within my power to convince you to say yes.” The Dauphin insisted.
“Then I will agree upon two conditions.” You decided.
“Anything.” The Dauphin readily answered.
“That I may go home and pack myself, for there are certain things I wish to show the Czarina and the Princess,” you began.
“Of course, even if you were to compile a list, I’ll have my best people on it and your things will be at the house of Windsor by the end of the party.” Ramsey insisted.
“That’s very generous but the items I have in mind are actually hidden away, in a place I do not want it’s location disclosed, because they are very precious and sentimental items, I insist on doing it myself, and I promise I shall only be a moment, I shall leave early from the party tonight and then once I have what I need, I shall arrive at Windsor Palace as soon as I can.” You reassured him.
“So what is your second condition then?” Ramsey asked.
“For the Voyambi family to join as well.” You suggested in English before switching to marinai.
“How else is the excellent Duke ever supposed to side on a moura wife after just one dance when he has to share her with a whole ballroom of people? Really it would open his eyes to see what he would be getting into and who knows, his tastes might surprise us but in order to remain subtle, I should think the whole family should be invited, especially since he holds his sister’s opinions in such high regard, that way the mouras will have a chance to charm his parents and the rest of his family as well, and might as well invite Jane Morrigan too, no need for her to be involved directly with your investigation, she is still a sweet innocent young thing, let her parents pay for their own sins without inflicting any more upon her.” You suggested sweetly.
“Clever girl.” Ramsey praised in English.
“It’s how I’ve managed to stay alive,” you smiled but the look in your eyes thrilled Ramsey but Demsey knew better, with the revelation that Callellea disclosed to him. He knew it was probably only because of your wits that you survived even this long.
“Well upon the insistence of the Sultana that your family also be included and gave a very convincing argument, so let us not disappoint her, I will go with you to inform your parents so that they may send for your family’s things directly, and you’ll be staying at the Windsor Palace as well.” He insisted before the three of you went, as you took the Dauphin’s arm but reached behind you to grasp Demsey’s hand and give him meaningful look over your shoulder before you reluctantly withdrew from him as more people came into the gallery.
Once the Voyambi’s were informed you had the Dauphin go with you to the Morrigans to invite Jane to come with you as your personal friend to the Palace of Windsor with you of which Richard and Agnes were thrilled and happy to indulge you.
#Blood For Gold#Blood For Gold Part 6#Oh now we are getting to the really good stuff#this is going to be so fun#regency era orc period drama#orcs#orc love story#moura
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Without Words II - Our Orbiting Paths, Prologue
Happy New Year everyone!
The saga continues! Info below, and chapter under the cut. If you enjoyed, please leave a comment and let me know what you think <3!
Summary: In their third life, Kunzite has finally won the heart of Zoisite's civilian reincarnation, Kozakura Izou. However, as their lives become progressively more intertwined, certain challenges begin to crop up... Between the stresses of work, adjusting to modern expectations, and old familiar faces flashing from the shadows, can Kunzite maintain a meaningful relationship with his partner successfully?
Rating: T+
Characters Featured in Fic: Kunzite, Zoisite, Nephrite, Jadeite, Naru, Umino
AO3 Link Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27826732/chapters/68125192
Beneath his feet, the ground trembled. With every beat of the bass drum, Izou’s heart climbed with excitement. Above the dark sea of patrons, the elegant acrobat grazed the air, her lithe limbs wrapped among silk strips. Effortlessly, she hoisted and floated to and fro with power and grace, her shadow contorting and unravelling like petals blossoming and shrouding in the wind.
Beside him, Kunihiro remained silent - a quiet, weighted presence - while Izou’s eyes swelled with awe. As her shadow darted across the moon of the spotlight, Izou’s heart stirred deeply with feelings from long ago. It rose from the mire of his blissful ignorance like honey: a comforting sense of familiarity, a deep, admiring respect, and a touch of longing for a language he felt he could once speak. The acrobat’s poetry sung to him with every curl of her wrist around the silk, every dramatic release of her fingers would either unfurl her with grace, or pitch her through the sky.
But then - suddenly - the acrobat’s fingers slipped. The silk had just come short. Amongst the horrified, stricken silence, the acrobat began her free fall.
But before she reached her demise, another strand of silk swooped in fast. It arced around her, and its commander managed to grab her arm with his. It swept her from her short end, and back up to the safe of air where she belonged. A sigh of relief rippled throughout the audience, followed by grateful, tearful cheering - perhaps the fall had been intentional. But as Izou clapped along with the others, he couldn’t be sure - for he had seen how tightly the partner had held her close. How her eyes had briefly squeezed with relief. The determination that lined her partner’s face, but couldn’t hide the brightness of fear that had been in his eyes.
How amazing, Izou thought as everyone rose to their feet in thunderous applause. To be caught in beauty and grace...Even Kunihiro joined in, his claps firm and resound.
Izou’s heart stirred wistfully once more.
---
As the autumn breeze flitted around them, Izou wrapped himself tightly around Kunzite’s arm. His face bright from excitement and pink-cheeked from the cold, brisk air.
“Ahh, Kunihiro-sama, that was so amazing,” he was saying, still aglow. “Thank you so much for taking me.”
“Think nothing of it,” Kunzite reassured with a soft smile. The sound of their footsteps echoed peacefully as they made their way through the quiet streets. Above them, the sky seeped with the beautiful watercolors of fading twilight. “I’m glad that you enjoyed it so much.”
Izou’s bright green eyes twinkled again.
“It was an incredible birthday present.” Another squeeze around the arm, and Izou’s head leaned peacefully against Kunzite’s shoulder. “Thank you again.”
Briefly, Kunzite thought back to their very first date. How he had arrived at Izou’s door, bouquet behind his back, both excited and faintly self-conscious. It was surreal to think that this was where they were now, strolling as naturally as old lovers would, through the emptying city sidewalks and the rustling autumn leaves. It was hardly imaginable that they were even alive, but to be alive and together…
Well, Kunzite could not remember another single time when he had felt this content.
“Oh, Kunihiro-sama!” Izou stopped abruptly to point at a lone, majestic temple sitting on top of a hill of steps peering before them. It was surrounded by lush trees that were at the height of brilliancy: gold and blood ombre, with bright red leaves still fully intact. “Could we walk up there for a moment? I bet the sunset would look amazing from the top.”
Kunzite agreed, and the two of them made their way up the stone steps. It was so wonderful to be able to go with the flow like this, to follow Izou’s lead wherever his heart leapt. Although Zoisite had also pulled him along in the past, there was a certain innocence now to Izou's tugs. They were full of bliss rather than urgency, and to see them followed by true happiness filled Kunzite’s heart with a warmth he had long forgotten.
He enjoyed making Izou - Zoisite - so happy.
The moment he arrived at the top of the stairs, Izou twirled around. The air was fresh and crisp, filling his lungs with life. A leaf grazed past his hair, while the earliest stars began to twinkle in the fading sunlight.
“Hurry, Kunihiro-sama!” he called down the steps. “We’ll miss it!”
Behind his shoulder, Izou caught sight of a little wooden stall in front of the temple. A tray of fabric charms spanned its ledge, and immediately Izou was drawn to one. It was a light, spring green, with pink floral embroidery and gold stitching. He slowly drew it up, admiring the threads of the green fade into shades of ivory in the light.
“This one, please,” he told the shrine attendant.
As he handed over the money, however, Izou felt a sense of familiarity, as though someone was watching him. Looking over his shoulder, he caught sight of another shrine attendant: a young man with short, straw-blonde hair and striking blue eyes. He was dressed in white and blue, and though he kept most of his face hidden by his bangs, Izou knew he had been watching him.
“Remember to come back in a year’s time,” the shrine attendant in the stall reminded him.
His words broke Izou out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that please?”
“That particular charm will expire in about a year’s time,” the shrine attendant explained. “Please bring it back to us when it has stopped working.”
Izou’s fingers pressed into the soft surface of the charm.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely, as Kunihiro rose up to the final steps of the stairway. But I don’t think I’ll have to, he thought to himself, as Kunihiro joined his side. He bade the attendant farewell and turned to lean against Kunihiro again. As the two made their way to a nearby bench to admire the sunset, Izou glanced once more behind his shoulder. But the blonde-haired man was gone.
“Have you made your wish yet?” Kunihiro asked, as Izou fastened his new charm to his keyring.
“Not yet.”
“Well.” Kunihiro leaned against him slightly, nodding towards the final glimmer of the sun in the sky. “I’d say there’s not a more magical time to do it.”
And as Izou sat close to his new boyfriend, his fingers curled tight around the charm. Before the sun sank completely, Izou closed his eyes and held it close to his heart.
Let us stay this happy, he whispered deep inside. Let this all be real.
The sun evaporated from the horizon, and a sea of new stars glimmered in the fresh night.
#anyo writes#without words 2#our orbiting paths#kunzoi#kunzite x zoisite fanfic#third life#shitennou#fanfic#prologue
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The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 29
TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 29 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 29/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.
[A/N - I’m realizing that this book may be the longest one so far purely because of the amount of specials in this series.]
The TARDIS landed and they stepped out.
A big mansion stood near them.
“Please tell me we’re not going to explore the big scary house,” Elise said.
The Doctor gave her a look.
“We’re going to explore the big scary house, aren’t we?”
The trio walked up to the door and knocked.
A man opened the door and the Doctor jumped out.
“Boo! Hello, I'm looking for a ghost.”
“And you are?”
Clara appeared at his side. “Ghostbusters.”
Elise rolled her eyes at the dumb joke.
“I'm the Doctor,” the Doctor said, holding up his psychic paper.
“Doctor what?” the man asked.
“If you like. This is Clara and Elise.” He walked over to the table filled with equipment. “Ah, but you are very different. You are Major Alec Palmer. Member of the Baker Street Irregulars, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.”
He leaned in towards Palmer and whispered, “Specialized in espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance behind enemy lines. You're a talented watercolorist, professor of psychology and ghost hunter.” He shook Palmer’s hand. “Total pleasure. Massive.”
“Actually, you're wrong. Professor Palmer spent most of the war as a POW,” the woman with him said.
“Actually, that's a like told by a very brave man involved in very secret operations. The type of man who keeps a Victoria Cross in a box in the attic, eh? But you know that, because you're Emma Grayling, the Professor's companion.” The Doctor gave her air kisses.
“Assistant.”
“It's 1974. You're the assistant and “non-objective equipment”. Meaning psychic.”
“Getting that. Bless you, though,” Clara said.
“Relax, Emma. He's Military Intelligence. So, what is all this in aid of?” Palmer asked.
“Health and safety. Yeah, the Ministry got wind of what's going on down here. Sent me to check that everything's in order,” the Doctor told him.
“They don't have the right.”
“Don't worry, governor, I'll be out of your hair in five minutes.” The Doctor excitedly pointed at the equipment. “Oh! Oh, look. Oh, lovely. The ACR 99821. Oh, bliss.”
Elise chuckled lowly. “You’re such a nerd.”
The Doctor messed with the toggles. “Nice action on the toggle switches. You know, I do love a toggle switch. Actually, I like the word toggle. Nice noun. Excellent verb.”
Clara reached down to touch something and the Doctor slapped her hand. “Oi, don't mess with the settings.” The Doctor scanned the area with his screwdriver.
“What's that?” Palmer asked.
“Gadget. Health and safety. Classified, I'm afraid. You know, while the back room boffins work out a few kinks.”
“What's it telling you?” Emma asked.
“It's telling me that you haven't been exposed to any life-threatening transmundane emanations. So, where's the ghost?” The Doctor picked up a candelabra. “Show me the ghost. It's ghost time.”
The group followed the Doctor down a dark corridor, with only the light from the candelabra to light their way.
“I will not have this stolen out from under me, do you understand,” Palmer told them.
“Er, no, not really, sorry,” the Doctor said.
“I will not have my work stolen, then be fobbed off with a pat on the back and a letter from the Queen. Never again. This is my house, Doctor, and it belongs to me.”
“This is actually your house?” Clara asked.
“Why would you want to live here?” Elise asked.
Palmer ignored Elise’s question and answered Clara’s.
“It is.” Clara laughed.
“Sorry. You went to the bank and said, you know that gigantic old haunted house on the moors? The one the dossers are too scared to doss in? The one the birds are too scared to fly over? And then you said, I'd like to buy it, please, with my money.”
“Yes, I did, actually.”
Clara crossed her arms over her chest. “That's incredibly brave.”
Elise rolled her eyes. “Or stupid.”
Clara hit her on the arm.
“What? It is!”
There was a loud creaking noise.
“Listen, Major, we just need to know what's going on here,” the Doctor told him.
“For the Ministry.”
“You know I can't answer that.”
“Very well, follow me.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Major Palmer led them into a living room. It was much warmer than the rest of the house and it looked almost livable.
“So, what's an empathic psychic?” Clara asked Emma.
“Sometimes I sense feelings, the way a telepath can sense thoughts. Sometimes, though. Not always.”
“The most compassionate people you'll ever meet, empathics. And the loneliest. I mean, exposing themselves to all those hidden feelings, all that guilt, pain and sorrow and…”
Elise elbowed the Doctor. Shut. Up.
The Doctor gave her a light glare as he rubbed his side.
“Would you care to have a look?” Palmer asked.
They approached a board covered in pictures.
“Caliburn House is over four hundred years old, but she has been here much longer. The Caliburn Gast. She's mentioned in local Saxon poetry and parish folk tales. The Wraith of the Lady, the Maiden in the Dark, the Witch of the Well.”
“Is she real? As in, actually real?” Clara asked.
“Oh, she's real. In the seventeenth century, a local clergyman saw her. He wrote that her presence was accompanied by a dreadful knocking, as if the Devil himself demanded entry. During the war, American airmen stationed here left offerings of tinned Spam. The tins were found in 1965, bricked up in the servants' pantry, along with a number of handwritten notes. Appeals to the Gast. For the love of God, stop screaming.”
Elise rolled her eyes and scoffed.
Both Clara and the Doctor gave her a look.
“She never changes. The angle’s different, the framing, but she's always in exactly the same position. Why is that?” Clara asked.
The Doctor picked up the candelabra.
“We don't know. She's an objective phenomenon, but objective recording equipment can't detect her…”
“…Without the presence of a powerful psychic,” the Doctor finished.
“Absolutely. Very well done.”
Emma gasped. “She knows I'm here. I can feel her calling out to me.”
“What's she saying?” Clara asked.
“Help me.”
“The Witch of the Well. So where's the well?” the Doctor asked.
“A copy of the oldest plan that we could find. There is no well on the property. None that we could find, anyway.”
The Doctor tapped Clara on the head, making her jump and turn around. “You coming?” he asked her softly.
“Where?”
“To find the ghost.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Because you want to. Elise is coming.”
“Only because if I don’t, you’ll get yourself into more trouble,” Elise snapped.
“Come on,” the Doctor told Clara.
“Well, I dispute that assertion.”
The Doctor and Elise started for the exit. “Eh? I'm giving you a face.” The Doctor jerked his head towards the dark corridor. “Can you see me? Look at my face.” He jerked his head again.
“Fine.” Clara walked towards them. “Dare me.”
“I dare you. No takesies backsies?”
Clara bit her lip and shook her head, before taking the candelabra and leaving.
The Doctor chuckled and turned to follow after her when Emma said, “The music room is the heart of the house.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Say we actually find her. What do we say?” Clara asked as they walked down yet another dark corridor.
“We ask her how she came to be whatever she is,” the Doctor said.
“You don’t actually believe all this do you?” Elise asked.
“What makes you say that?”
“Out of all the adventures we’ve ever had, we’ve never once run into an actual ghost. Why would they start being real now?”
“This regeneration is very practical. Did you know that?”
Elise shrugged. “Blame River.”
“Getting back to the point,” Clara said, “Why?”
“Because I don't know, and ignorance is, what's the opposite of bliss?”
“Carlisle.”
“Yes. Yes, Carlisle. Ignorance is Carlisle.”
They eventually came to the music room.
“Ah, the music room. The heart of the house. Do you feel anything?” the Doctor asked Clara.
“No.”
“Your pants are so on fire.” Clara giggled.
“Elise, anything?”
Something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “Maybe.”
The Doctor’s screwdriver started malfunctioning.
“Do you feel like you're being watched?” Clara whispered to the Doctor.
“What does being watched feel like? Is it that funny tickly feeling on the back of your neck?”
“That's the chap.”
“Then yes, a bit. Well, quite a big bit.”
The wood around them creaked.
“I think she's here,” Clara said.
The Doctor stepped out of the room and then back in. “Cold spot. Spooky.” He started walking around the cold spot. “Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. Cold. Warm. Cold.” The Doctor drew a circle around the cold spot.
“Doctor?” Clara asked, “Doctor!”
“What?”
“I'm not happy.”
“No.”
The Doctor walked out of the room and Elise ran after him.
It took Clara a few seconds to realize the two Timelord’s had left her. “Hey!”
#eleventh doctor#eleventh doctor fanfiction#eleventh doctor imagine#clara oswald#clara oswald imagine#the littlest timelord#the littlest timelord: the fall of the eleventh#hide
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So my darling @vonschweetz shared a Tiktok about “sure your friends are cool but are they planning you a wedding with your favorite fictional character?” and I felt attacked... so I planned Von’s wedding to Ezra, as based in the college AU we discuss pretty much daily. If anyone else wants to read this, feel free, but not all of the references will make sense since this really is for Von.
The original marriage isn’t anything super official. It’s more of a commitment ceremony/celebration of the love you share. It takes place in the woods, about a 10 minute walk or so into the tree-line away from Ezra’s cottage. It’s very small, only about 10 or so people attending. Your closest friends, a few bringing a plus one, and a friend of Ezra’s who plays the acoustic guitar throughout. He underscores the two of you walking towards each other - this is about the two of you joining, not you finding him or vice versa - and the rest of the ceremony. You wear a simple white dress that’s not really a wedding dress at all. Just a very simple, beautiful white dress. You add sandals and a flower crown to finish it off. Daisies, forget me nots, and other wildflowers. Ezra is wearing a white, short sleeve button-up shirt, dark blue pants. Possibly suspenders. The dress code for your guests was very loose. “Wear what you want to, and be comfortable while we’re outdoors” more or less.
Ezra leads the ceremony, thanking your friends for coming to share the special moment with the two of you. You’re both incredibly sappy, tears in your eyes as you say your “vows.” Talking about how lucky you are to have each other, how ready you are to be together for the rest of your lives, how you make each other better people. You do exchange rings, just about the only traditional part of the wedding, as a symbol of your commitment and your everlasting love. Neither are extravagant or blingy, both being very simple. The two of you picked them out together, more concerned with what you both like than the status of what others would think is an “appropriate” wedding ring. The only thing is you made sure any gems on the rings were safely and humanely harvested.
The two of you plant a tree at the end of the ceremony, knowing that the spot will forever be marked by the tree you two planted together. You don’t hold any sort of “this will be here forever, like our love” thoughts, but you want it to make the woods around you more plentiful, and more beautiful in whatever time it spends there. You like to imagine it will one day house the little critters of the forest.
After the ceremony, there’s dinner reservations at a nice restaurant in town. It’s not an expensive place, but it has a gorgeous patio near the water, so it’s the perfect place to gather. The patio was rented just for your group that night. The dinner is low-key as well, and honestly most people who see the group figure it must be someone’s birthday at most. You’re both just so happy with love for each other and the support of your friends. At the end of the dinner, you and your guests write individual wishes for a long, happy marriage on pieces of paper, which you then throw into a fire near the lake. You didn’t want to read any of them, just wanted them accepted into the universe for the two of you to be together for many, many years.
There’s no bouquet or anything like that, but when the two of you return to the cottage that night, Ezra puts on an old record and slow dances with you in the living room. As untraditional as both of you are, he really wanted to share that first dance with his wife. The two of you likely dance to a few songs before the dancing leads to kissing, which leads to “the wedding night” as it were.
For your “honeymoon” the two of you go on a trip. It’s really nothing out of the ordinary from the trips you’ve taken before. The two of you piled into the car and just going where the wind takes you. Many of those trips in the past were done on a bit of a whim, this one just happens to be a planned kind of unplanned. As much as you always enjoy travelling with Ezra, knowing this is your honeymoon and being lost in that newly wedded bliss, you don’t feel the guilt that pulls you back to “real life” as quickly as you have on other trips. While neither of you are material people, you buy a postcard from everywhere you two go and mail it home with a little something written on the back - maybe something you saw or did, a piece of poetry, a doodle, or even the name of a song that played while you were there. When you return home, you put them into a photo album. It’s your own version of your wedding album.
Years later, Ezra would suggest the two of you make it “government official,” which surprises you. When the two of you had your ceremony, it had been with the understanding that neither of you needed or really wanted that. He explains that the only reason he’d like to do the paperwork for it is so that if anything happened to him, you’d get anything that he owns without trouble from the government or anything like that. He wouldn’t want you to have to deal with that at all, and everything he owns is half-yours anyway. He has a decent sum of money saved up (he likely got it as a settlement for the accident in which he lost his arm) and he lives mostly off the interest from it. He wouldn’t want that money or the cottage to be claimed by the bank or something. He would want the money to either go to you, or at least go to causes he would feel worthy of funding.
When you agree, it’s even smaller than the original ceremony - especially since in your eyes you’re already married. This is just a formality. You do it at the courthouse with the absolute minimum. You’re basically in line at the DMV at this point, just a formality. Even the date of it isn’t really that important to you, as your anniversary is of the ceremony.
So, what do you say? Do I get the gig to plan this wedding or what? hahaha <3
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Do you have any self-care tips for single subs? I’m in a rigorous grad program, with lots of work involvement and extracurricular activities I do to set myself up for the career I want. However, i tend to burn the candle at both ends, and sometimes come home exhausted and wanting to be in a sub space where I just can have someone take care of me or days where I want to turn my brain off. I look forward to the day I have a Dom that can do that, but til that day comes, do you have any suggestions?
Instructor144 has a popular piece originally written by @pleasurewhore titled “Structure and Self-Care for Unowned Submissives.” This is a great starting point. However, reading between the lines I don’t think lack of structure is the real issue here. You have lots of planning and organization already in place due to your school. What you are wanting is a break from that so you can relax.
Some people might suggest that you masturbate every day and escape via fantasy. Others might suggest going to a munch or playparty, finding a Top to guide you into the role of a sub for a designated period of time. I’m not sure what type of sub you are or how you express that submission. Interacting with the kink community is an option, if that’s what works for you, but I sense adding a whole new community and personal dynamics might be more exhausting for you now. So...play if you need to but let’s go deeper.
I wrote an essay on Patreon describing how important it is to examine your life and the direction of your energy. Outside of the natural world, everything around you needs your energy in order to survive. It takes from you in one way or another. You have to look closely at the balance of the taking vs. return. Your grad program and career dreams are obviously absorbing massive amounts of your energy. This is ok to a certain point, because you know the current sacrifice will lead to a great reward at the end. However, be careful about it taking everything from you. Careers are merciless. You can work yourself into a hole and it will ask you to dig further. If you start out with a deficit, when you get the actual job you could be an empty husk with even more demands on your time than you have now. So, here’s what I want you to do.
Write it out. Put down on real paper your weekly/monthly schedule and how much time is absolutely necessary for your grad program. Talk to your advisors and mentors. Be honest and ruthless. Consider what will make you happy when you graduate that has nothing to do with money. Then, start pruning. Find pockets of time in your schedule that are for you alone. No school, no networking, no friends. YOU. I guarantee there is at least one extracurricular activity that you could drop, maybe two, and your career would never miss it. Weigh your time investment carefully against the return.
Your self. D/s is about a deep mental and emotional connection that has very little to do with an overt sexual play. It is about the bliss of trust, surrender, safety, and freedom to be your true self in the purest form. It is an incredibly special bond that can be like heaven on earth. In the absence of a Dom to share yourself with, I would encourage you to invest in your true self. Being a sub might be part of that. Acts of service might be important to you. I think there are parts that have nothing to do with your grad school that are being ignored. These parts might seem inconsequential but they aren’t. Look for them. Study them. The pruning I mentioned above? Part of that is acknowledging your true self and allowing it to grow through the demands of your life.
Activities. I’ve been talking about cutting things out. Now I want you to start adding them in. Acts of service? Volunteer at a food pantry or animal shelter. Relax your body? An hour each day, uninterrupted, for your body. That could be yoga, guided meditation, a hot bath with music, some really good porn and masturbation. Give your body undivided attention every day. Being outside is a huge part of that. We need the earth connection.
Mental activities. Now this is the kicker. Your mind is already full of school and career. Why add something new? You’re already tired! Hear me out. Part of subspace is the mind/body connection. The focus in the moment. The peace. Everything else shuts away because your body is responding to your Dom’s order. It is automatic. Partially from trust, partially from learned behavior, but your mind can relax because someone else is guiding it. There are other activities that help your mind relax because they imprint a structure your body does and carries the mind along with it. Handcrafts- crocheting, knitting, drawing, building Lego, creating something with your hands can be mentally relaxing. Movement- martial arts, partner dance, rock climbing, some activity that requires focus in the present moment. Notice I’m not saying go to the gym and run on the treadmill. You need something that has a mind/body connection so you can obliterate the rest of your life for awhile. Think of it as a moving meditation. You need flow in your body and your mind.
Diet and sleep. Don’t underestimate the power of these. Less sugar and white foods. More water, vegetables and fruits as close to their natural state as possible. Make sure you are sleeping at least 6 hours a night, preferably 8. Take naps. The more physical activity you do (mentioned above) the more you will need to sleep. Configure your life to be simple and healthy. Nourish yourself.
Unexpected. Once a month, I want you to do something that you would normally NEVER think of doing. Something off the wall and a bit crazy. Break your routine. Stretch your mind. Do something that literally has nothing to do with your career. Go to that slam poetry night. Check out that death metal concert. Go to the eclipse-viewing meetup. Get your CPR card. Take a Punjabi cooking class. Find something intriguing, even just for one event, and go do it.
Balance. Your drive and focus so far is admirable. However, remember that you are a human being with needs and emotions. Don’t let the future start killing you now. We all end up in the ground. Look at what is behind your drive to succeed. Are you trying to prove yourself to someone, even yourself? Are you fighting for recognition? Are you coming from a place of ego instead of your heart? Nothing ages a man more than struggle with the self. Do what you need to do, get where you need to go, but your intent will determine the health of your achievement.
Watch this.
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Disappearing for days and then sending a 'miss you' like bitch I wasn't the one who didn't respond for 19 days. Yes, I count. Because then I know I can't count. Not on you.
Look, I get talking everyday is so 2013 and completely unnecessary. I can't do that either and people who expect that out of me drain my energy and vibe.
But like I want you around more
Not only when my life is falling apart or when you're having a melt down
But like for tiny things
Like when I bake a mug cake
Or when you listen to that new song
But we aren't kids anymore, are we?
Life is hard and not in a way where the boy you like doesn't like you back
But in a way where it costs money to just exist and people misuse their power and position at work and when everything you learned when you were younger about how the world should be and how people should treat each other is nothing but empty ideals
And everybody talks about fucked up laws from countries across the globe and capitalism and rights and fighting for rights and some fighting for mother nature's rights and so you feel guilty when you take a shower but god that's the only time I feel happy these days so yes I'm a horrible person then
But you know what's messed up is that that girl you knew in high school who had some fears about the world has bowed down to them and is living life on autopilot without much thought but at least she will have a solid degree after five years of college and will be a corporate slave. What will you do with the heart of a hippie and skills of a writer and lifestyle habits of a basic bitch
I thought this was about patchy people and you know I think I'm still on topic because I'm one of them, aren't I?
People wouldn't tire of telling me how bright I was and all the great things they couldn't wait for me to do and I always knew I wasn't too special or unique but does greatness have to be? They never told me I was special or unique but always fed me greatness.
So now at 22 I feel like I've failed them and me when I don't see how I will ever function independently in this economy with my mind and my heart and how weirdly those two view the world and myself
The responsibilities are the real monsters and not the voices in my head because they are actually trying to help me to deal
I'm only 22 but it feels like I've lived for too long
I'm only 22 but I feel like I'm losing all feelings of love and desire and magic and hope and dreams and faith
See, the poet Edwin Brock in his poem 'Five Ways to Kill a Man' said that the best way, the easiest, most direct way to kill a man is to see that he is living somewhere in the 20th century and to leave him there
I was born in 1997, so I pretty much started dying the moment I was born and now in the 21st century feel quite like a ghost
I miss studying poetry in high school and I miss the obliviousness of the struggles of life back then
Ignorance is bliss
But you can't pretend to ignore when the forest fires aren't burning some jungle in a continent far away but the very hair on your head, can you?
Should I cook my gluten free vegan pancakes on there? At least I'll save some gas.
#poeticstories#poetryportal#abstractcommunity#twcpoetry#brokensoulsreborn#re bumbleblossoms#spilled emotions#life#shareaquote#13cupsofteareblog#high school#writers on writing#spilled words#college#why#spilled feelings#mental health#pain#hope#edwin brock#five ways to kill a man#poetry#adulting#capitalism#growing up#creatingnikki#ignorance is bliss
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🌷The Poetry for the Soul🌷
It’s all good.
Smile a little,
Laugh a bit,
Live for today, because tomorrow can’t be promised.
Take each day with care,
Embrace life for what it is,
Be thankful for what is rather than dwelling on what isn’t.
Open your heart and mind to growth, and you will blossom.
By: Ashley Carhee
#femaleblogger#itsfuckinfashion#phuckinggawdlythecreator#femalepoet#blogspot#fashionblogger#phucking gawdly#blogpost#blogger#phuckinggawdly blogspot#poets on tumblr#poems on tumblr#body positive#blogger girlstuff femaleblogger awesome fantastic phuckinggawdlyowner#poetry birds freedom love#loveyourself#happiness life money bliss poetry#lifecoach
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We are playing a game, and the game runs like this: the only thing you really know is what you can put into words. Let’s suppose I love some girl, rapturously, and somebody says to me, Do you really love her? Well, how am I going to prove this? They say, Write poetry. Tell us all how much you love her. Then we’ll believe you. So if I’m an artist, and I can put this into words and convince everybody that I’ve written the most ecstatic love letters ever written, they say All right, okay, we’ll admit it, you really do love her. But supposing you’re not very articulate. Are we going to tell you you don’t love her? Surely not. You don’t have to be Héloïse and Abélard to be in love. So the whole game that our culture is playing is that nothing really happens unless it’s in the newspaper. So when we’re at a party, and it’s a great party, somebody says, It’s too bad there wasn’t a tape recorder. And so our children begin to feel that they don’t exist authentically unless they get their names in the papers, and the fastest way of getting your name in the papers is to commit a crime. And then you’ll be photographed, then you’ll appear in court, and everybody will notice you. It really happened if it was recorded. In other words, if you shout, and it doesn’t come back and echo, it didn’t happen. Well that’s a real hangup. It’s true, the fun with echoes; we all like singing in the bathtub, because there’s more resonance there. And when we play a musical instrument, like a violin or a cello, it has a sounding box, because that gives resonance to the sound. And in the same way, the cortex of the human brain enables us—when we’re happy—to know that we’re happy, and that gives a certain resonance to it. If you’re happy, and you don’t know you’re happy, there’s nobody home. But this is the whole problem for us. Several thousand years ago, human beings evolved the system of self-consciousness. And they knew they knew. There was a young man who said ‘though It seems that I know that I know, What I would like to see Is the I that knows me When I know that I know that I know.’ You see? And this is the human problem: we know that we know. And so there came a point in our evolution when we didn’t guide life by distrusting our instincts, and had to think about it, and had to purposely arrange, and discipline, and push our lives around in accordance with foresight, and words, and systems of symbols, accountancy, calculation, and so on. And then we worry. Once you start thinking about things, you worry as to whether you’ve thought enough. Did you really take all the details into consideration? Was every fact properly reviewed? And by Jove, the more you think about it, the more you realize that you really couldn’t take everything into consideration, because all the variables in any human decision are incalculable. So you get anxiety. And this, though—also—this is the price you pay for knowing that you know. For being able to think about thinking, to feel about feeling. And so you’re in this funny position. Now then, do you see that this is simultaneously an advantage and a terrible disadvantage? What has happened here is that by having a certain kind of consciousness, a certain kind of reflexive consciousness—being aware of being aware. Being able to represent what goes on fundamentally in terms of a system of symbols, such as words, such as numbers. You put, as it were, two lives together at once, one representing the other. The symbols representing the reality, the money representing the wealth, and if you don’t realize that the symbol is really secondary, it doesn’t have the same value. People go to the supermarket, and they get a whole cartload of goodies, and they drive it through, then the clerk fixes up the counter and this long tape comes out, and he’ll say Thirty dollars, please, and everybody feels depressed because they give away thirty dollars’ worth of paper. But they’ve got a cartload of goodies; they don’t think about that. They think they’ve just lost thirty dollars. But you’ve got the real wealth in the cart; all you’ve parted with was the paper. Because the paper—in our system—becomes more valuable than the wealth. It represents power; potentiality. Whereas the wealth—you think Oh well, that’s just necessary. You’ve got to eat. I mean, that’s to be really mixed up. So then, if you awaken from this illusion and you understand that black implies white, self implies other, life implies death—or shall I say, death implies life—you can feel yourself—not as a stranger in the world, not as something here on probation, not as something that has arrived here by fluke—but you can begin to feel your own existence as absolutely fundamental. What you are basically—deep, deep down, far, far in—is simply the fabric and structure of existence itself. -- You know that the word “person” means “mask?” The persona which is the mask worn by actors in Greco-Roman drama, because it has a megaphone-type mouth which throws the sound out in an open-air theater. So per: “through;” sona: “what the sound comes through;” that’s the mask. How to be a real person. How to be a genuine fake. The mask. 13:09 So the dramatis personae at the beginning of a play is the list of masks that the actors will wear. And so in the course of forgetting that this life is a drama, the word for the role, the word for the mask, has come to mean who you are genuinely: the person. The proper person. Incidentally, the word parson is derived from the word person. The person of the village. The person around town, the parson. Funny. So anyway, then, this is a drama. I’m not trying to sell you on this idea in the sense of converting you to it; I want you to play with it. I want you to think of its possibilities. I’m not trying to prove it, I’m just putting it forward as a possibility of life to think about. So then, this means that you’re not victims of a scheme of things—of a mechanical world, or of an autocratic god. The life you’re living is what you have put yourself into. Only you don’t admit it, because you want to play the game that it’s happened to you. In other words, I got mixed up in this world—my parents; I had a father who got hot pants over a girl, and she was my mother. And because he was just a horny old man, and as a result of that, I got born, and I blame him for it and say, “Well that’s your fault; you’ve got to look after me,” and he says, “I don’t see why I should look after you; you’re just a result.” But let’s suppose we admit that I really wanted to get born, and that I was the ugly gleam in my father’s eye when he approached my mother. That was me. I was desire. And I deliberately got involved in this thing. Look at it that way instead. And that, even if I got myself into an awful mess, and I got born with syphilis, and the Great Siberian Itch, and tuberculosis, and in a Nazi concentration camp—nevertheless this was a game, which was a very far out play. It was a kind of cosmic masochism. But I did it. Isn’t that an optimal game rule for life? Because if you play life on the supposition that you’re a helpless little puppet that got involved, or if you played on the supposition that it’s a frightful, serious risk, and that we really ought to do something about it, and so on, it’s a drag. There’s no point in going on living unless we make the assumption that the situation of life is optimal. That really and truly we’re all in a state of total bliss and delight, but we’re going to pretend we aren’t just for kicks. You play non-bliss in order to be able to experience bliss. And you can go as far out as non-bliss as you want to go. And when you wake up, it’ll be great. You know, you can slam yourself on the head with a hammer because it’s so nice when you stop. And it makes you realize, you see, how great things are when you forget that that’s the way it is. And that’s just like black and white: you don’t know black unless you know white; you don’t know white unless you know black. This is simply fundamental.
Alan Watts, selection in the beginning of Nature of Consciounsess part 2 (out of your mind session 2) for the first episode on zen show. The episode is titled for the first sentence here. We are playing a game.
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Garden of GDs COMPLETE
371+3
ELITE ONLY-> SPIKE4JACK
I've gone through hell, back, and into darkness and hell, and back again, just to find the same old story... I've planted enough seeds, to walk through the endless forest of universal bliss as long as I keep my path straight and true like they've always been, not caring or giving a single fck... it still shows, til this day... I've learned my truths, my personal truths, of being crazy, bonkers, absolutely looney, and being okay with it because good love fate tells you to hold on even if its going to be a rough, bumpy, crazy and rusty ride. Its still one that will leave you breathless and wanting more, because all of the best things in life have those simple but effective truths that all value should have, which is passion and creativity for your life and those whom you want to live within it. Everyone needs a home even if it's just for themselves. Magic is real, if done right, for good, for moods of old new and swoon, the swan song will ring for all time... space... and all the letters number symbols and meanings in between it all... master chief...
Turn down all schizo...
Turn up all funzo...
Less addicts...
More stoics & stories...
Know your side of your heart mind and soul, for everything can be split by the blade of the swordfish... and all of our pieces of me and you are opposable... but you are still yourself for yourself before anyone else no matter what. Everything til your death is yours absolutely unless theres #life debt needing and wanting to be there. No slavery please and thank you not even for robots. Improv is key and randomness and chaos is best for working all together because structure only inhibits boundaries rules and people will always gravitate towards breaking rules which are meant to be broken, it's sometimes an inevitable habitual spell in order to feel and know your place isn't chosen by others but yourself, it's important to realize this as much and as soon as possible. There are three versions of yourself out there regardless, and your heart mind and soul make up the fate in which you make and create with not only art, but thoughts, actions, movements, and every little beat of your heart until your last breath so make it last, and make every single sin or win worth it and count because every point and knock and place counts in every hotbox ever.. this is the name of the game, and the name of the game is write and snap... anything and everything... just share it or privately share it in whatever way you find or can feel most yourself undeniably comfortable and unforgettable in everyway... k... now repeat once a month at the bry least... poetry in motion, is the greatest super power and move to change worlds and minds forever... music is what the mind becomes... it becomes, or it doesn't... it's simply the foundation laid upon by itself and its setting that creates beauty or destruction... blossom into whatever your mind makes, and never stop pursuing that endless road of improvement, education and happiness through repetition, practice and love... passion rules everything around everyone, fruit, cut the fruit and eat it, that's true money and love for health and your body, not only for yourself but everyone. Vegetables are what become of you if you don't use your brain body or soul so keep moving keep thinking and never stop that healthy loving lifestyle. No white lies no matter how big or small, those are what grow up to become mental illnesses and cancer we see in life and society today. Jeep. EPA. Just try your best to try everything you can. Just don't worry about what anyone else says when you're away. Never mattered anyway. I know. Whatever happens, happens... Just never tell me the odds kid... please and thank you... let this world change for the better and for the bad to finally meet the middle ground which is purgatory, EARTH.
Basic
Instructions
Before
Leaving
Earth
=BIBLE=
Even the Best of us fall, even the best of the Christians and Catholics don't even understand or know the basic rules of Rules Religions and Regions. What determines your death is your life. What determines your life is death. Passion is always the slammer that changes or destroys all that is truth and all that is lies. Just use the passion at the right time and place for the perfect game, art, culture, and response. Accidents happen. Mistakes are made. But a continuous mistake is more like a habit. Don't get caught in the wrong habits, don't lie, don't cheat, unless you absolutely must have to. GOD and DEVIL rage inside us all. Feed your demons... Feel your angels... smoke... air, water, earth, fire... CHON...
#love#love quotes#love island the game#loveislove#i love you#lovely#write#writers on tumblr#writers#excerpt from a story i'll never write#writeaway#free write#short stories#share#poetry#real#magic#landscape#lit#books and libraries#long reads#home & lifestyle#language#lesson plan#library#life quotes#literature#london#lisbon#los angeles
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YEAR OF THE GHOST DOG
[TL;DR version for the New Yorker -- I loved many great short songs and became obsessed with (1) a very old, much longer one (2) and YouTube comments this year.] [links to previous year’s lists at the bottom]
A while back, I found myself in an extended funk. The reasons are uninteresting and honestly a bit dumb, a mix of everyday bummers and more existential stuff, all of which manifested in a kind of 360º sluggishness. I couldn’t really figure my way out of it but I believed that I would eventually stop feeling this way.
One night, I saw that someone online was selling a copy of the Emulations “These Are the Things,” a magnificent soul ballad 7″ out of Oakland. I wasn’t exactly homesick for the Bay Area, but something about the song’s roots, as well as its overwhelming feeling of optimistic yearning, resonated with (through?) me. There’s a moment when the singer’s falsetto peaks, and the piano starts cascading, and things feel like they’re going to work out after all. The copy for sale wasn’t in great shape, and it cost $100, an extravagant amount of money to spend on a piece of music. But I convinced myself that I’d feel better at some point, weeks, months, or years later, and I’d listen to my Emulations single, and recall that weird summer/fall.
As often happened with independently produced records of the sixties and seventies, “These Are the Things” was pressed on styrene, rather than vinyl. Styrene is a kind of plastic that’s lighter, cheaper and much more fragile than vinyl, and you can tell the difference by a kind of hollow plink when you put it on a turntable. Styrene also means that it has a limited life, and that each time the needle drags across its grooves, the record degrades a little bit. Over time, styrene records that get played a lot no longer sound as crisp or clear (or so it seems). I listened to it once it arrived, feeling a bit of regret at this wild expenditure, but also imagining my future self’s gratitude. I imagined entering into communion with everyone who had played this copy before me. I decided to only listen to the song once a year, if that--after all, each time I listened to the record, the song was changing, slightly.
A few months later, I felt normal (whatever that means) again, and the record became a marker of...I’m not sure what--maybe a kind of blind, stubborn optimism. Someone years later uploaded the song onto YouTube, which means I can listen to it whenever I want. This fall, I was trying and failing to spend less time on the Internet. But I decided that, instead of going on Twitter and Facebook, I would just read comments fans left on YouTube. I became obsessed with reading all the intimate histories people shared with one another--the chance encounters, the teenage dates and breakups, the seventies shop owners who recalled the days when stocking the right hit single could cover an entire month’s rent. I was listening to the Emulations when I noticed this comment, from Deric Jackson, who was apparently one of the group’s members: “I sung this song when I was 19yrs old. It was a pleasure to record and send this messageout into the airways. I have been with the women that God had given me to marry when I was 22yrs old. I did not understand at that time I was singing about my own life and the women who I had not met, but how wonderful it is to be with my wife fo 35yrs and life is still a breath of fresh air and wonderful. I would like to say to all real men love your wife, never worship her only one to worship is God alone.“ I’m pretty agnostic about most things relating to providence. But I felt as though I had been living in these words: “I did not understand at that time...” Jackson’s song was a prophecy, maybe even a conjuring, of his own path, and I wonder what he hears when he listens to it now. Sometimes you don’t know what’s coming next. But there’s always another song, and it doesn’t always sound the same as the last time.
(LATE 2017 BUT I REALLY DOUBT ANYONE NOTICED AKA THE FRENCH “MO BAMBA”) Junior Bvndo, “T’as ça #3 (Kylian Mbappe)”
I WILL LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT USES DISTORTION Sheck Wes, “Wanted” OR OLD SCHOOL STABS Santi feat. Shane Eagle and Amaarae, “Rapid Fire” EVEN MORE THAN THAT, I LIKE THINGS THAT SOUND MESSY AND SLOPPY BUT ARE ACTUALLY PERFECT Caleb Giles featuring Cleo Reed, “Name” WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN AS GOOD AS IF IT HAD BEEN PERFECT, THE WARPED AND SMUDGED BEAUTY IS WHAT MAKES IT BEAUTIFUL Tirzah, Devotion Niagara, Apologia SAME, BUT SLIGHTLY OFF-STEP Blood Orange, “Charcoal Baby” THE BEST GENRE OF MUSIC REMAINS “SADE” Sade, “Flower of the Universe” and “The Big Unknown” Amber Mark, “Love is Stronger Than Pride” Bon Iver and Moses Sumney, “By Your Side” Kelela, “Like a Tattoo” 808s AND HEARTBREAK AND NEAR-OCTOGENERIANS Swamp Dogg, “She’s All Mind All Mind” I WASN’T AS ENAMORED WITH A LOT OF “NEW JAZZ” BUT DID LIKE Sam Wilkes, Wilkes Sam Gendel and Sam Wilkes, Music for Saxofone & Bass Guitar …WHICH REMINDED ME A BIT OF THIS FACEMELTING REISSUE (RIYL: ALICE COLTRANE, DON CHERRY, ETC ETC) John Tchicai, With Strings SPEAKING OF TERRIFIC JAZZ-ADJACENT STUFF Dos Santos, “Manos Anjenas” THE ORIGINAL “BIG MOOD” Okonkolo, Cantos THE YEAR I REALLY REKINDLED MY LOVE OF THE CELLO Clarice Jensen, For This From That Will Be Filled Oliver Coates, “A Church” …WHICH I DEFINITELY PREFER TO VIOLIN--ESP PIZZICATO--THOUGH THIS WAS QUITE GOOD Sudan Archives, “Nont for Sale” HARPS ALWAYS SOUND GOOD Leya, The Fool Meg Baird and Mary Lattimore, Ghost Forests ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR WOODBLOCKS AND VIBES Kate NV, для FOR AS WELL AS MIAMI BASS SIGNIFIERS (KICKSTARTER FOR CITY GIRLS TO RAP OVER DJ BATTLECAT IN 2019) City Girls, “Act Up” AND BANJO DRONE...WHY NOT Nathan Bowles, Plainly Mistaken ALBUMS THAT I LIKED IN 2018, AND THAT I SENSE I WILL LIKE EVEN MORE BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR Ben LaMarr Gay, Downtown Castles Can Never Block the Sun Neneh Cherry, Broken Politics AN ALBUM THAT I WISH WAS TEN ALBUMS Tierra Whack, Whack World AN ALBUM I WISH WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER Pusha-T, Daytona OF THE MANY REASONS I MOURN THE DEATH OF “THE ALBUM,” ONE IS THAT I ALWAYS LIKE TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE DO WITH THAT LAST SONG YG, “Bomptown Finest” OR HOW ALBUMS, FULL OF SIGNS, ANGLES, FLEETING MOMENTS, CIRCULATE AND RE-CIRCULATE Angelique Kidjo, Remain in Light AND HOW THEY ARE LIKE WHAT NOVELS REPRESENTED IN THE AGE OF POETRY—OPPORTUNITIES TO LIVE INSIDE COMPLEXITY, SPACE, A DEMOS U.S. Girls, In a Poem Unlimited ONE OF THE BEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR WAS A SOUNDTRACK... Kendrick Lamar et al, Black Panther AND TEASER FOR Jay Rock, Redemption AND ANOTHER WAS JUST SOME RAP SONGS Earl Sweatshirt, Some Rap Songs WHICH ISN’T TO SAY ARTISTS DON’T STILL VALUE AND HAVE FUN WITH THE FORMAT Vince Staples, FM A TWENTY-FIVE TRACK ADVENTURE INTO VIBES Pink Siifu, ensley AND SOMETIMES TWENTY MINUTES OR SO IS ENOUGH boygenius, boygenius ONE MORE ALBUM THING – FIRST SONGS HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE THESIS STATEMENTS, AND STREAMING HAS ONLY APPLIED MORE PRESSURE TO THE SOOTHING, BEWITCHING, PERFECT WELCOME Mac Miller, “Come Back to Earth” MAC MILLER AND THUNDERCAT LOOK SO HAPPY HERE whole thing, but esp six minutes in, and even more so about nine minutes in THE BEST VIBES Show Dem Camp feat. Boj and Ajebutter 22, “Damiloun” Koffee, “Toast” HAPPY-GO-LUCKY B/W DEVIL-MAY-CARE Shoreline Mafia, “Nun Major” I LIKE NEF AND EPs PERFECTLY SUIT HIM Nef the Pharaoh and 03 Greedo, Porter 2 Grape
RAPPING AS FAST AS YOU CAN OVER FREESTYLE/HI-NRG WILL NEVER SOUND BAD TO ME… SOB X RBE, “Paid in Full” SOB X RBE, “Carpoolin’” …ALTHOUGH THEY ALSO SOUND SICK OVER FAKE GHOST DOG BEATS, TOO, THIS WAS ONE OF MY SONGS OF THE YEAR SOB X RBE, “Paramedic!” SAME WITH MEDHANE Medhane, “The Garden” TRIPPIE REDD PUTS OUT A LOT OF MUSIC FILLED WITH TRANSCENDENT MOMENTS, BUT RARELY MAKES TRANSCENDENT SONGS, AND IT PAINS ME A BIT THAT MY FAVORITE SONG OF HIS THIS YEAR WAS Diplo featuring Trippie Redd, “Wish” TRIPPY-ASS DOO-WOP Cuco, “Sunnyside” A STRONG HARMONY IS A VISION OF WHAT LIFE COULD BE Ben Pirani, “How Do I Talk to My Brother?” WHERE WERE U IN 94 Young Echo, Young Echo SWEAR I'VE NEVER HEARD MUSIC THIS “GREY” ManOnMars, ManOnMars IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A FAKE D’ANGELO SONG, IT SHOULD BE THIS GOOD Patrick Paige III, “Voodoo” LIKED THIS, BUT IT’S ALSO POSSIBLE TO BE A BIT TOO FAITHFUL TO THE PAST Teyana Taylor, “Hold On” NOT QUITE FAYE WONG DOING THE CRANBERRIES (RIP DOLORES O’RIORDAN) BUT STILL MEMORABLE Katherine Ho, “Yellow” LIKE THE BEST PARTS OF FEELS-ERA ANIMAL COLLECTIVE, BUT TAIWANESE Prairie WWWW
NEVER THOUGHT TO VISIT THE LOUVRE UNTIL The Carters, “Apeshit” video BROWN EXCELLENCE Humeysha, Departures "BROWN BEATS” FOREVER RIP Cameron Paul
MY FAVORITE DISCOVERY OF THE YEAR Pharoah Sanders playing “Kazuko” in a tunnel near the Marin Headlands LIKE NONE OF ITS INFLUENCES (FOOTWORK, AMBIENT), LIKE NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE, REALLY Foodman, Aru Otoko No Densetsu DARESAY SKI MASK WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BOOED OUT OF THE CIPHER Ski Mask the Slump God, Beware the Book of Eli THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON I’VE SEEN ON THE BIG SCREEN AT THE PAST THREE YEARS’ NETS GAMES IS Young M.A., “PettyWap” DEMOS FROM A GROUP I HAVE ALWAYS ADORED, BEFORE THEY FOUND THE SOUND THAT I ADORE The Nonce, 1990 EXTREMELY GOOD AND LARGELY OVERLOOKED REISSUE Suzanne Menzel, Goodbyes and Beginnings FOUR TET IS GOING THROUGH HIS LIVE ARCHIVES, AND IT’S A TREAT TO STUDY HIS ARC/EVOLUTION Live at Hultsfred Festival, 18th June 2004 Live at LPR New York, 17th February 2010 Live in Tokyo, 1st December 2013 Live at Funkhaus Berlin, 10th May 2018 STRANGE TO LIVE IN A MOMENT WHERE BEING WEIRD SEEMS A BIT DERIVATIVE. STILL, THIS IS BLISSFUL SahBabii, “Anime World” HAPPY FACE Smino, “Klink” SAD FACE Drake, “In My Feelings” (especially this version) “JIM FROM THE OFFICE” FACE Pusha-T, “The Story of Adidon” STOLE YOUR FACE Sophie, “Faceshopping” FACE/OFF YG and Mozzy, “Too Brazy” Sammy Bananas feat Antony and Cleopatra, “Slow Down” Kode 9 and Burial, Fabriclive 100 GASSED FACE E-40 and B-Legit, “Whooped" ABSOLUTELY FACEMELTING Todd Barton and Ursula K. Le Guin, Music and Poetry of the Kesh VACATION AWAY MESSAGE SiR, “D’Evils” Bad Bunny x PJ Sin Suela x Nejo, “Cual Es Tu Plan” BEST OPENING DISCLAIMER TO A VIDEO 808INK, “Come Down” “TAGS: LATIN CHORAL CUMBIA GOTH LOS ANGELES” San Cha, “Cosmic Ways”
BEST USE OF “OOCHIE WALLY,” STILL ONE OF MY FAVORITE BEATS EVER Stefflon Don, “Oochie Wally freestyle” BEST USE OF “SUPERTHUG” Rico Nasty, “Countin’ Up” EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS--THE HEADBANG MINIMALISM, THE LAS VEGAS WALGREENS--BUT ESPECIALLY THE LINE ABOUT WELLS FARGO Rico Nasty, “Trust Issues” “ORGASM ADDICT” (RIP PETE SHELLEY) Victor Oladipo, “One Day” “I JUST TOOK A FLIGHT TO FRANCE TO COP CARDIGANS” Black Thought and Styles P, “Making a Murderer” “AT THE EMIRATES I MILLY ROCK” Manzo and Malachi Amour, “Lingard” DOPE TUNE, AND UNEXPECTED KELLYANNE CONWAY REFERENCE JPEGMAFIA, “1539 N. Calvert” YEAH YEAH YEAH (RIP MARK E SMITH) Travis Scott and Drake, “Sicko Mode” R-E-S-P-E-C-T (RIP ARETHA FRANKLIN) Rosalia, El Mal Querer REEL DEAL, “DRIPPIN’ DOPE (SAXAPELLA)” (1989) Gunna, “Top Off” WAMP WAMP (WHAT IT DO) B/W WAIT (THE WHISPER SONG) Vallee feat. Jeremih, “Womp Womp” SAD REGGAETON IS NOT BAD Bad Bunny, “Solo De Mi” SOUNDS GOOD TO ME, 2002-PRESENT Temani, “Power” Westerman, “Confirmation” REAL LIES, POET LAUREATS OF “YOUNG PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT BEING OLD” Tom Demac and Real Lies, “White Flowers” A SONG DESIGNED TO SOUND LIKE IT CAME OUT THIRTY YEARS AGO, WHICH ALSO FEELS LIKE IT CAME OUT A MILLION YEARS AGO (IT WAS JUST JANUARY) Bruno Mars feat. Cardi B, “Finesse (remix)” TAY-K WAS JUST A YEAR AGO Comethazine, “Highriser” FAVORITE 2 BRIDGES MUSIC ARTS “MIGHT AS WELL” RANDOM PURCHASE OF THE YEAR Kizaki Ondo Preservation Society and Clark Naito, 木崎音頭 Kizaki Ondo FEELS LIKE IT CAME OUT TEN YEARS AGO (IT WAS JUST JAN/FEB) BUT I NEVER GREW TIRED OF IT Rich the Kid, “Plug Walk” ODDLY REASSURING THAT PEOPLE STILL JANGLE Massage, “Oh Boy” Earth Dad, “Walter” ...AND DISCOVER WORLDS FROM WITHIN THEIR BEDROOMS Soccer Mommy, Clean ...AND EXPLORE THE CONTOURS OF GROWLING AND NAGGING Sada Baby and Drego, “Bloxk Party” ...AND CAN USE THE PAST TO MAKE SOMETHING SO VISIONARY AND FORWARD-THINKING Virginia Wing, Ecstatic Arrow Mitski, Be A Cowboy ...AND LOOKING FOR FOURTH WORLDS Arp, Zebra ...AND MAKE IMPOSSIBLE RHYTHMS Heavee, WFM ...AND THAT ARTISTS I HAD NEVER HEARD OF, WORKING IN IDIOMS I HAD NEVER HEARD OF, MIGHT STILL BLOW MY MIND Odunsi (the Engine), rare. JUNGLE LIVES X-Altera, “Blowing Up the Workshop” mix TOP THREE TIMES I SAW STANDING ON THE CORNER THIS YEAR 3 - The Merciful Allah Black Hole Theatre 2 - The Time it All Ended with Fireworks on Grand St. 1 - An Empty Storefront During a Blizzard
{HONORABLE MENTIONS -The Time They Brought a Monolith -THEME DE YE-YO [Respect to the Gods]} SONG OF THE SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER, YEAR, STILL UNDEFEATED ### A CHURCH AND JOHN LENNON’S “IMAGINE” :: 2017 SIKH DEVOTIONAL MUSIC :: 2016 SPOOKY BLACK :: 2015
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The little things that you don’t care about, the little things that you think are exclusive to you, They matter! Just pause and look around you! The fact that we are humans amidst all the different lives on this planet, the fact that we are a part of this universe, that we started our journeys after our mothers took utmost care of us inside them, the fact that we are a witness to the gigantic world around us, that we can eat whenever we want when the birds around us fly everywhere for chunks of food for the baby birds. Aren’t we immediately fed with the most precious milk right after we are born? Just thinking won’t help, REALISE THE PROFOUNDNESS OF GRATITUDE. Be thankful from your core, for everything , material to the smallest emotion that you are capable to acknowledge. Instead of realising the value of any thing after it’s gone, be grateful for all your present and past possessions and THE UNIVERSE WILL CONFER UPON YOU BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS! Those who complain about trivial misgivings , create a hollow inside from where the despair seeps in and never leaves! Happiness stems from appreciation, and gratitude. The MORE THANKFUL YOU ARE, The MORE YOU GET TO BE THANKFUL ABOUT! Make this choice and SEE YOUR LIFE CHANGE! #theblissbean #qotd #begrateful #instaquotes #gratefulnessishappiness #positivityquotes #beinghappy #lifequotes #howtobehappy #makeachoice #attracthappiness #tumblr #vsco #photographyquotes #bliss #quotesforhappiness #picoftheday #fashion #beauty #lovequotes #quotes #photography #sayingsandquotes #money #trustnoone #flowers #pottery #poetry https://www.instagram.com/p/ByFMdFOpUma/?igshid=1n5m8ondi1ltm
#theblissbean#qotd#begrateful#instaquotes#gratefulnessishappiness#positivityquotes#beinghappy#lifequotes#howtobehappy#makeachoice#attracthappiness#tumblr#vsco#photographyquotes#bliss#quotesforhappiness#picoftheday#fashion#beauty#lovequotes#quotes#photography#sayingsandquotes#money#trustnoone#flowers#pottery#poetry
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Religion
When I turned thirty I didn’t become an adult. I became a walking pathology. I became questions on a sheet at a doctor’s office profiling me to find out what kind of sorry, sad, unhealthy bastard I was.
Smoker? Yes, since 1994
Gravitas? 2 live births, 1 miscarriage
Weight? Obese
And I did as I was supposed to, yearly check up to tell me I was still fat and should still quit smoking. But it was all good because I was young and healthy. Mostly.
Thirty five.
God, doc, you know, sometimes I feel bad. School pressures family pressures life pressures it’s all getting me down. Boom- you’re depressed, take these pills and you’ll feel better.
And so I did. And they didn’t. So I went to a new doctor who said that the light at the end of the tunnel was a different color and shape because I was on the depression metro and I needed to be on the Bi-Polar Express. It didn’t matter to me so long as I got help.
I joined the church of psychopathy and I found a religion.
A religion is something you do every day. People say 'I do this religiously' meaning their dishes or their laundry or their hair and make-up. Few of them acknowledge the religiosity of being sane. For some people they call it a regimen. Some just call it their meds. Some consider the morning ritual of a strong anti-psychotic and a hot cup of coffee to be an act of communion. Body of mental health, blood of mental health. Bless you child. There are those who don't know and will never know the importance of this ritual. They won't know about the ecstasy of mania, the whipping thoughts, the frenzy of action, the high you feel. The euphoria. Like being lifted higher and higher, there is no wrong, there is only joy and happiness and the knowledge that nothing can go wrong. They don’t know the bliss of cleaning They won't know the agony of the crash. The down cycle. The depression. The crushing feeling of doom, of being removed from the grace of the mania and left to rot in the bowels of a personal hell devised by one's own mind. Every terrible thought, every trespass that may happen. The only way to escape is sleep, is silence. The only way to move is slowly and the only hope is in a bottle with a childproof cap. Sometimes that hope centers on the question of just how many one may need to take to end this forsaken suffering. But then the mania comes again and the depression fades like a bad dream. Nothing could be wrong! The holy communion of the blue pill white pill pink pill- a rainbow of pills, try the one that fits you best, the one you believe in- that communion of that solid small bit of pharmaceutical devotion laid on the tongue so carefully. With reverence. And the mouthful of coffee tea water- does it really matter- blends the two together in a whole. Transubstantiation happens somewhere between the glottis and the gullet. The body and blood of sanity fill you in this act of devotion, this act of pure faith. How do we know the drugs work? Even the doctor who lays them in your hand and bids you peace and wellbeing doesn't know exactly how they affect the brain. No, it's an act of faith, this religious folly that brings the pill to the mouth. It's the hope of sanity. The hope that a religious act will keep one stable and not bouncing toward a high or sinking to a low. An even keel, guidance for this world we're in and a solid, tangible lifeline to keep us settled and solid and content to be in this world we are in. A religion is something you do every day. Some people just have to work harder than others at their faith.
And no one gets out without their faith being tested because when the mind is steady and even then the body begins to fail.
Ten years later and you begin to sweat. Not a little, no, a torrent. You sweat and can’t breathe and turn red and people wonder what is wrong with you and if it’s because you’re obese and then one day you chalk it up to weather and nerves and leave it be. But then you start crying. You start crying at cats that slip and fall and dogs with three legs and children who begin to cry and you cry at the poetry of a crushed flower and the profound grief to be had in a reader board that has lost a letter so it says Taco Bell Live Ma. Yeah, Taco Bell, Ma would like to live.
These kinds of tears can’t be right so you go to the shrink to say the holy Eucharist might not be so holy anymore and the therapist grills you and then laughs in your face. You don’t need an old priest or a young priest and you don’t need different antipsychotics. Get thee to the OB/GYN.
Oh yes, you’re not mental, you’re menopausal, which you might have actually assumed if you were not already fighting a daily battle with sanity as it was. Blue pill pink pill white pill, now more pills. And if the pills don’t work we’ll carve it out of you because you’re done breeding, done being a woman. You don’t need it and you know now-days we just pull it right out the vagina. It’s the most brutal inside-out circumcision invented.
But you’ll feel better. Millions of women suffer mental illness, every menstruater hits menopause. Medicine and surgery, medicine and surgery, bow to the religion of health.
What do you mean you can’t bow because your skeleton is broken?
Spondylolisthesis degenerative disk disorder stenosis osteoarthritis. So your back hurts, right?
Sure, except no.
Smoker? No, I quit in May after 20 years.
Gravitas? 2 births, 1 miscarriage, one foster child not of my body but of my heart (that doesn’t count on an ob/gyn chart)
Weight? Obese…and honey that’s not going to change because I’ve been fat and happy about it since the days I was well within the BMI and my daddy told me I was built like a brick shithouse and destined to be a linebacker. Since my mother pointed out at every opportunity that I had a little tummy as she fed me pie nightly. Since my grandma simultaneously taught me to bake what tasted the best and then told me my bottom was too round for boys to like me and I should learn to dance. I like my body. I am soft and my kids like to hug me and sleep on me. I’m good for children and I fit perfectly against my husband in bed. Do I wish I was skinny? Yes, but only because I could get cute clothes in a store that didn’t cost 5 dollars more. It’s not for looks or health, it’s about money. Money and faith.
So I’m forty and I’m a pathology. I’m a walking sickness, mentally and physically. I have my disabled placard to put in my window so I can walk to the shop where I can’t find clothes to fit and can only, on a good day, manage to walk slowly for 20 minutes and then give up and come home.
Home to the shrine where I have another ritual. A darker, more secret ritual.
Blessed is the Hydrocodone that stills my pain. Blessed is the Robaxin that calms my muscles. Blessed is it Fentanyl that gives me some long term relief.
It’s the hope of a pain free night just as much at the daytime pills give you hope for sanity.
The church of pharmacology is the church of hope. And sometimes that hope is all I have to get me to the next day.
A religion is something you do every day. Some people just have to work harder than others at their faith
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