#happens every single month
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hey man I'm scared as fuck I don't know how I'm going to live with this disorder for the rest of my fucking life
#vent tw#it's incurable#surgery 'can help' but often just DOESN'T#meds are working for now but they're not avaliable at all in the country I'm going to live in as an adult and that is so scary#it renders me immobile for hours at a time and can last a week#happens every single month#horrifically painful to the point where I can't stop crying and can't breathe normally or think#closest way I can describe the pain is like someone stabbed me with a red hot sword and is twisting it over and over. I'm serious god#again fucking incurable#god. and it spreads as time goes on#even fucking worse it only (there have been male examples but only 15 documented case Ever) affects afab people#so cool!!!! agonising pain AND dysphoria!!!! fuck me forever I guess#god. I feel so miserable and helpless#there's NOTHING I can do to make this go away I'm going to have it for the rest of my life god#vent#medical tw#listen to my gibberish boy#ask to tag
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I love the QSMP. Not only has it introduced me to many amazing international creators, it's also introduced me to the French and Brazilian community, who are so sweet, funny, and chaotic in their own unique ways. I love seeing fans sharing their culture and learning from one another, and I myself have learned a lot this past year. I think it's incredible how QSMP brings so many different people together – all of us united in our love and passion for this project and its goals.
But passion can often evoke strong emotions, and these strong emotions aren't always positive.
The past few months, I have seen multiple waves of hate, bad-faith generalizations of communities, and racist remarks directed at fellow fans – especially those who are part of the French / Brazilian community. This kind of behavior is inexcusable, and is in direct conflict with the mission of QSMP, which is to break language barriers and unite communities.
We are a global community with a variety of people from different backgrounds. Miscommunications may occasionally occur because of cultural differences and/or language barriers, but we should use these moments as opportunities to learn and engage with other people rather than assuming the worst about them and starting fights.
Although certain issues can be resolved with communication, sometimes it’s better to block and move on. Avoid spreading negativity or hate, and save yourself the headache of interacting with people who are just looking for someone to argue with.
No matter what community we're a part of or what languages we speak, we're all here to have fun. Please remember to be kind to each other. We have more in common than we have in conflict.
#QSMP#mod talk#Additionally: we should avoid stereotyping entire communities for reasons I hope are obvious.#I think everything will work out in the end#I don't typically see this kind of stuff on here but I figured I'd post this anyways since I'm posting it to Twitter too#It's understandable that emotions are high because of everything that's happened to the QSMP community the past few months#but it's very sad to see fans attacking each other#everyone's a bit on edge it seems. I rarely use my personal Twitter but I opened it today and saw some close mutuals snapping at people#then after stepping away and calming down coming back to a conversation and apologizing#it's sad to see everyone in this state#So... comments from the peanut gallery I suppose. I do hope this helps someone though#I don't usually post things like this because frankly-#I don't think every single drama / controversy / whatever necessitates a public statement from every single member of the fandom#but I've been thinking a lot about this#Anyhoo. Hopefully I can start sharing clips again tomorrow. I've been moving the past week and life was hellish#hopefully things ease up a bit now
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one big thing I’ve learned by 29 is that the Plan, the God’s Plan of it all I mean, is bigger than me and not just bigger than me but also bigger than my understanding of narrative threads and their limitations. And it’s bigger even than just a simple paradox, turning-on-their-head thing way of being bigger. It’s just so vast. And there is so much room for surprise and possibility and hope in that reality.
#again. idk if that makes sense#but I am someone obsessed with the patterns and what the patterns are telling me#and it’s like. sometimes nothing! but also sometimes something!#there is no way to predict what will happen or what will be presented to me or what will unfold#both personally and in a more big picture way#based on what I feel or what I know or what I have already experienced#there are hundreds and millions of different possible combinations#I am making this sound more profound than the revelation is (and also more vague)#but I love to be like ‘oh being this way means THIS thing and this kind of thing always happens to this kind of person’#and actually. it just doesn’t?????? a million different things could happen and do happen every day that are unlikely and unpredictable#even when you think you’ve accounted for that by looking for the unexpected you still can’t tell#and I love that. used to hate that the future was shrouded in mystery#and I still sometimes do. but I am growing to love it#uncertainty and just the sheer not knowing feels better#and God IS surprising. life is surprising!#THAT I feel like I know#every day of my life I wake up and I pry open the blinds and I look out and say.#what is going to happen today#like I do kind of do that a little#or maybe it’s more. what has the night brought.#and you know what the world is so wide. not in terms of me being able to go anywhere travel-wise#or do anything dream-wise. but in terms of what can and DOES unfold every single day/week/month/year.#there are surprises in store! folded tucked away around the next corner#like I just.#I’m getting carried away but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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they're both so awkward 💕
Continuation of this comic I made earlier this year, based on a later scene in my fanfic
#sdv alex#sdv alex x farmer#alex mullner#sdv fanart#stardew valley fanart#stardew valley#sdv#sdv farmer#farmer mal#my ocs#oc: mallory#malex#look at the art difference in just six months between this and the comic of the same scene...#Wonderful things can happen when you're drawing like#4-8 hours every single day 💪#also I gave up on drawing Alex with a butt chin since then#I know he has one but I just couldn't bring myself to keep drawing it lol
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we know binghe and sqq still consider binghe to be a disciple of qing jing, but is that recognized by anyone else? I imagine it's pretty awkward with anyone who was around for, y'know, the entirety of books two and three, but ning yingying still tells him to call her shijie so that's gotta count for something. basically I'm asking this because I'm wondering if new disciples were brought onto the peak, whether they'd call him shixiong
#this thought is brought to you by thinking about that post that's like#'every cultivation sect needs an evil shixiong'#the other option is that new baby disciples clock that he's married to their new shizun#and theyre like ah. shiniang.#binghe immediately has to excuse himself to burst into happy tears#im just imagining some random ten year old gets accepted onto qing jing#they don't know any of the cultivation world gossip and all of that shit happened when they were single digits#and maybe theyre learning about demons or something in class and they learn about the demon emperor#and theyre like oh? who's that?#and someone's like you didnt know? it's luo binghe#and the kid is like. you mean my fucking shixiong? you mean shizun's wife??#last i saw him he was delivering handmade sweets to shizun during his lecture this morning.#i've been here six months and i've seen him cry on seven different occasions. no way he's the emperor
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i spent quite a bit of time thinking, considering my options and wondering if i should even respond to the 'apology' to begin with, but i feel like i've been here before, in this exact same position (i didn't respond to his original 'apology' because it felt off how he omitted the fact that he pretended to be the victim for a whole week, but even then i decided to not say anything and just let the dust settle and give him a chance to learn and do better) and doing nothing eventually just caused more harm. even if i can't reach the other side and find common understanding, i wanted to at least express what's been on my mind for such a long time.
i always try to approach people and situations with understanding and try to assume ignorance instead of malice when someone says or does something i consider questionable or wrong. but i also know we all have our limits. we are all human. and you can't take the heart out of the equation.
one thing in this 'apology' that really stood out to me was this:
how is it not malice to completely disregard another creator, hell, another person and their wishes and feelings when they have made it very clear that your actions are causing them harm?
how is it not malice to outright lie and misrepresent other people and situations in order to portray yourself in a better light?
how is it not malice to disrespect the people you've stolen from and then, after they (by your own words!) rightfully address it and try to bring your actions to light, you then turn around and vilify them to your friends and followers? portray them as bullies and gatekeepers?
all while repeating again and again how the whole experience made you stop creating? as if your actions didn't force people out of this space, this fandom? have you ever sat down to think how the person that made you a 40 minute video tutorial on gif making, the person that taught you so much, no longer makes anything at all because you turned your back on her and copied her sets? kept doing it after she blocked you? after she made text posts expressing how upsetting your behaviour was? you didn't care and kept doing it anyway. even saying things like 'i always credit where credit is due' in response to copying numerous sets from @minthara, down to the caption without ever crediting her.
and if that wasn't enough harm, you then took it a notch further and straight up lied to the people around you, trying to vilify petra and i by saying how the whole thing should've been dealt with in private. how is it not malice to omit the fact that I DID, in fact, reach out to you privately. that i did it in a civil manner. that i tried to explain to you how your actions were wrong and were rightfully upsetting other creators. how you ignored everything i've said and when i expressed that your response (or lack of it) made me uncomfortable and that because of it i couldn't give you permission to 'recreate' (copy) my work, you then insulted me and told me that it didn't matter what i wanted? that you would do as you please and there was nothing i could do about it? how you then immediately blocked me so i couldn't even respond? how is that not malice?
and then this was from your apology back in march:
and you insist that after this 'apology' you've learnt and were never doing anything wrong again and yet you are saying the same thing again in your new 'apology'. how after the march events you went to @galedekarios anyway, asking for permission, didn't wait for her response and posted your copy of her set anyway. which just makes me think that you've never learnt. it just makes it seem that asking people for permission never stemmed from a place of respect and understanding, but from the need to cover your ass in case someone brings the fact that you're still copying up. which someone did, apparently.
at the end of the day, this is my opinion and i might be wrong, but following all of your words and actions, it just seems like you chose notes and attention instead of people. that you kept lying and misrepresenting things and throwing us under the bus for your own gain. and that you only stopped because enough people eventually found out, not because you suddenly felt remorse. and this 'apology' was just another 'ask for permission from a creator', all just for optics. you couldn't even bother to unblock us before posting the 'apology' which just shows how little you were actually thinking about any of us.
#gah there's honestly a lot i could add but...#i feel like i've said enough to get at least some of this off my chest#i'm not even going to go into detail how he'd ask for my presets and use my tracked tag in every single one of his gif posts#all while pretty much never reblogging from me#and i know that other creators expressed the same sentiment#just weird.. you want to be part of a community but then you only take and take and take and never give back#and then complain that you feel unwelcome#and if anyone reading this even thinks 'omg so you can't get inspired by other people's work? ? ?? ? ????' for one second like#this ain't about it#there's a difference between getting inspired by someone and just endlessly remaking other people's work#and i'm tired of even having to explain it again and again#i genuinely am just tired.. i've been tired for a while#i feel like all these waves just killed my excitement and drive to be part of a community to try and bring people and creators together#i don't even want to make anything anymore because it feels like the whole community was just ripped apart#all after i've spent months trying to bring people together encouraging them to interact and support one another but then this happens#and keeps happening and what's the point anymore
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Yall still up with this “it didn’t make sense for Nico to start dating Will immediately” bullshit ijbol😭 just say you don’t want to see Nico healing and getting better!
#“they got together immediately’’ ohhh someone didn’t read their books#it took them months yall#and I agree Nico is traumatized mind you#I agree he has been through a lot#but there were VERY CLEARLY the bases for his healing in hoh and hoo5#it did NOT happen overnight it wasn’t something without a thought process#its just that YOU refuse to see it and acknowledge it because you don’t like it#Nico deserves to be happy and to heal and I’m tired of y’all complaining about every single shit thinking you know the character so well#NEWS FLASH! you don’t#Nico di Angelo#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo hoo toa#will solace#solangelo#percy jackson#nico pjo#pjo#nico di angelo hcs
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how are you doing today, everything is good?
Heck yeah, everything is doing great!
Me and my girlfriend did a walk through a giant Aspen grove nearby to watch the fall leaves yesterday, and I'm lucky enough to live in an area that'll see the eclipse tomorrow. Me and my whole family have the glasses, so we're gonna get together for a little viewing party.
I've been super duper busy, but I'm considering taking off my one November convention so I can sit and focus for the month on the video game. I haven't been able to work on it for MONTHS and I so badly want to continue to.
But mentally, I've been really fantastic. I'm back into reading books and I'm trying to get through my gf's favorite book series right now, or go back and reread some classics. To Kill A Mockingbird might just be my favorite book ever written.
Enough rambling, but yes! I'm doing super well right now! The only thing I want more of is rest, lol
#cqchat#even when shows are slow I've traveled lately to family weddings and whatnot#travel is SO exhausting but even moreso when doing it for my business#taking November off completely from travel sounds like a dream#usually in the winter I have a month off to relax but this time I happen to have events every single month of the year#its making some burnout so November vacation is probably in order
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How horrific would it be if we stuck one of our little guys in a time loop, right?
Except.
The time loop is THE ENTIRE FUCKING GREAT CYBERTRONIAN WAR, and every time our character dies or gets to the end the loop begins anew
And they've gotta go through it over and over again, several times, trying to figure out how to end the time loop
#maccadam#transformers#they try preventing it— and they fail every time#it's up to them to find the right ending to the war that ends up breaking everyone out of the loop#but#unlike your typical time loop episode which focuses on a single day#there are so... so many things that can happen in four million years (give or take a certain amount of months)#only this one person remembers anything from the previous loops#I'm usually mixed on time loop situations#but this feels interesting to me#ignore if you want
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~ Monthly BL Breakdown: August 2024 ~
🍁 Happy September!!! 📚
Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post!
New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns
What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)
🌟 Some Secret in High School - August 3rd (Thailand)
🌟 Sugar Dog Life - August 4th (Japan)
🌟 Summer Night (bl side story) - August 5th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Blue Canvas of Youthful Days - August 5th (China)
🌟 Cosmetic Playlover - August 6th (Japan)
🌟 Monster Next Door - August 8th (Thailand)
🌟 First Note of Love - August 12th (Taiwan) ✅
🌟 Addicted Heroin - August 13th (Thailand)
🌟 Twins (short film) - August 14th (South Korea)
🌟 Seoul Blues - August 17th (South Korea)
🌟 The Paradise of Thorns - August 22nd (Thailand)
🌟 The On1y One - August 22nd (Taiwan)
🌟 Love Sea Special Episode - August 25th (Thailand) ✅
Monthly Likes / Dislikes
❣️ ø 👎🏻 ø
New series & movie announcements
🎥 Last Meal Universe - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Eul's Love - Date TBA (south Korea)
🎥 Eternal Butler (Sequel to Anti-Reset) - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 Gown & Gear - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Extern - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Exclusive Love - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 Sky and Heaven (produced by StarHunter) - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Time Zone (produced by StarHunter) - Date TBA (Thailand)
Other news from the BL world
❗️ A Japanese remake of the MeMindY series Love in the Air has been announced. Nagumo Shoma (Payu), Takuto Hamaya (Rain), Suzuki Asahi (Prapai) and Leo Nagatsuma (Sky) were revealed as the 4 main cast members. The show is (for now) set to air on November 4th.
❗️ The Thai production company Kongthup announced Pak Varayu and Mon Taechin (Two Worlds) as the leads in their upcoming BL Doctor's Mine. A full cast reveal took place on August 21st. Further details are unknown.
❗️ The production company Mandeework has announced that actors Thomas T. and Kong K. won't be participating in the upcoming BL The Next Prince due to scheduling conflicts with their current project Your Sky. Their roles of Calvin and Jay in TNP will be recast.
❗️ The production company Be On Cloud has announced the termination of the management contracts of actors Nodt N., Us N. and 2J C..
Upcoming series & movies for September
👉🏻 Live in Love - September 1st (Thailand)
👉🏻 Meet Unexpectedly - September 1st (China)
👉🏻 Happy of the End - September 3rd (Japan)
👉🏻 Kidnap - September 6th (Thailand)
👉🏻 The Hidden Moon - September 7th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Jack and Joker - September 9th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Love Sick 2024 - September 14th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Bad Guy My Boss - September 15th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Old Days in the Middle of Summer - September 15th (China)
👉🏻 Love is Like Poison - September 17th (Japan)
👉🏻 Smells Like Green Spirit - September 19th (Japan)
👉🏻 Uncle Unknown - September 20th (Taiwan)
👉🏻 Club Friday: Family Tragedy - September 20th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Make Up, Make Me Grow Up! - September 25th (Thailand)
#doreens monthly bl breakdown#thai bl#bl drama#upcoming bl#update#bl news#nothing much happened this month lol#my highlights at the moment are summer night and first note of love and im also enjoying peaceful property#also soaking up every single crumb we are getting from the THK set obviously#but nothing is blowing me away lately so yeah#i have high hopes for kidnap though#im looking forward to that#OH yeah and also who tf thought it was a good idea to let japan remake LITA skjhds who was high#ill pass
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i think the qsmp is very impressive for speedrunning the same love-hate relationship i have with the dsmp in under a year as opposed to the three it took for the other one
#truly the qsmp experience for me was just my dsmp experience but . 10x more intense . qsmp burned bright like a sun and fucking exploded#while dsmp just kinda died out slowly and by then i wasn’t interested in it anw#i think love-hate relationship is the only way to describe it because it’s like . it was incredible . i loved it . i still love it .#i dedicate my free time to working on a wiki for it and i think about the cubitos and npcs often . but jesus fucking christ the toll that#shit took on quite literally the everyone’s mental health . the constant stress and near psychological torment the ccs and admins dealth#with because of an insane lack of rp etiquette planning and communication . they couldn’t even talk to the people they were roleplaying#child death with . what the fuck#and looking back at it now it’s crazy to me just how MUCH happened in such a short amount of time . just constant shit happening . purgatory#lasted two weeks and it still feels to me like it lasted two months i’m so serious . you lived every single fucking moment#etoiles still brings up purgatory when he’s in a particularly stressful ‘damned if i do damned if i don’t situation’ . lord#and STILL i’m glad it happened and it seems like the admins and ccs would pretty much all agree seeing how they act . like even despite#how so much of it sucked . because so much of it was incredible and life changing and just a fucking adrenaline rush of fun .#i don’t want another qsmp 2 as much as i’d love to be optimistic as much as i want to capture the joy of the server’s best momenrs again#christ in hell . pay your fucking workers treat them as actual human beings and act like the international company you are#jay rambles
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entering my lover era.
#… so do you remember that manager i was muttering about ages ago ….#wellll he got transferred#so he isn’t my manager anymore#and last week he confessed he’s like me for six months … heheeee#on our unofficial first date he came w me to the arthritis clinic LMAOOO#anyways um.#don’t rlly know what’s happening honestly. i feel disgustingly smitten it’s actually awful#i just spent the last four days w him#he’s taking me on an actual date on friday but like#i’m literally obsessed with him you guys im obsessed with him#and he’s legit obsessed with me too so 😭😭#ummm. i’ll keep you updated#watch this now all fall apart after i’ve told y’all and every single one of my friends and written it in my diary .#even if it does Whatever. worth it to be temporarily happy#:’))))))#h.txt
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Hey so if youre one of the chucklefuck "leftists" in the notes of my posts where im saying forced institutionalization is bad and youre going welllllllll in some cases its ok actually, id like to ask you why you think having police apprehend someone struggling with their mental health (which is already bad enough bc you know cops are itching for any excuse to use excessive force, especially on the mentally ill), being locked up in essentially what is no better than a prison where they do pretty much nothing to try and help whatever your mental health issue is, keep you for so long that you miss enough work that you lose your job and either become homeless or have to go back to relying financially on an abuser that they have successfully escaped that caused a lot of their mental health issues in the first place, why do you think that is going to be helpful in anyway to someone who is struggling with their mental health? Because this is the reality of the majority of the people who are forcibly institutionalized, the majority cannot afford it and even the ones that can still arent helped because it is an abusive system that allows you no autonomy. An abusive system that doesnt solve the cause of your mental health struggles and sends you back out into the world worse off than when you came in, they just keep you in a room and a hospital gown for a couple of days to a couple of months. When you treat mentally ill people like criminals obviously theyre not going to get better. Matter of fact, this is why prisons need to be abolished too. I would love to get better! Most mentally ill people would! Unfortunately the meat grinder of capitalism doesnt permit it and forced institutionalization makes it worse! Thanks and fuck you in advance.
#this is a rhetorical question if you try to defend forced institutionalization in any way i am going to rip your head off#this whole month i have had nonstop nightmares about every time this has happened to me#like all it did was fuck me in the head even worse every single time#🔗#ptsd#shut up judas
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it's so funny watching people be shocked that taylor is friends with brittany mahomes and other conservative-leaning people. it's even funnier when the same people who are upset now are the same people who called me 'negative' for calling this shit the second she started dating travis. i saw the red flags a year ago and got attacked for it and now what.
#the nfl is a breeding ground for far-right politics and taylor has no moral backbone so wtf did yall think was gonna happen#and the same people are still like 'travis is liberal bc he said so' like actions dont speak louder than words apparently#yall really just cant admit taylor doesnt care about being a good person#every single time she shows her true colors y'all find excuses for her and then get proven wrong again and again#sorry this is pointless im just pissed that im basically used as a punching bag for months and then#the same people are like 'wow who could've seen this coming??'#tp
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I think Absolution might be the most anxiety-inducing Southern Reach book, which is a FEAT.
#literally every single book in this series is SO STRESSFUL#I'm also only halfway through#it really is the 'eighteen months before' note on the false daughter#cuz I'm just like. oh god oh jeez oh fuck how long was he at central how long has he been here#I don't KNOW and it's STRESSING ME OUT#iirc gloria leaves over christmas and it happens soon after and it's just now hitting fall#megs is reading#southern reach#absolution spoilers
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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