#happen in the future of the fic so. fuck.

[elvensorceress]

sunday snippet

I meant to have this fic done ages ago but it's now somehow three times as long as it was, I've rewritten it five times, and I'm still working on it 🫠 oh well. have a snippet from snickerdoodles.

@tizniz @hippolotamus @eddiebabygirldiaz @daffi-990 @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @kejfeblintz @smilingbuckley @sofa-king-lame @chaosandwolves @smilingbuckley @belasmalhotra @bekkachaos @blutterlie @sazanahashi @livinginsunnyhell @epicbuddieficrecs @sparklespiff @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @dangerpronebuddie continued from Wednesday

Eddie tries again, but still sounds rough and hollowed out. “I don’t want to drag you down. Okay? You should move on and forget me and— and it’ll be better.”

Not so much for Eddie. He’s never let go of anything in his life. It’s all there hiding under the surface, stuffed in cages. But Buck should move on. Buck should survive him. 

Is this their only future? It feels like losing everything. Eddie is losing everything. He’s kidding himself if he thinks he hasn’t already lost Chris. What if Eddie doesn’t survive this time? What will happen to everyone he loves? Everyone who loves him?

Does anyone love him? Does he mean anything to anyone? Has he ever meant anything?

“Forget— I should forget you?” Buck snaps, his anger un-contained fire now, not just a hint of smoldering kindling. Vicious, spitting, sparking, living flames that will turn everything to ashes. 

Maybe they should actually fight and say awful things and then it would be easier to walk away. 

Eddie’s not sure he could even manage that right now. There’s nothing left in him. No fight, no fire. It’s all shattered, scattered pieces. But he would try. If Buck needs that. 

He might need that. He snaps again, “Like you’re a pair of socks that disappeared in the laundry? Or something I meant to pick up at the store and spaced? Like it’s easy? Like you’re nothing? Like this? Us? You and me? Means nothing?”

Okay, when he puts it that way… it sounds dumb. But how else can Eddie stop hurting him? “No,” Eddie says. Not fiery, not loud, not anything. “No. Just. Something that doesn’t—”

“You're my best friend. You— you’re— I’ll let you go. Okay. Whatever. I’ll do that because I know you and I know you need Chris and I get it. I wouldn’t want you to do anything but love him exactly the way you do. But I won’t, will not and can not pretend that you aren’t my best friend and my partner and the person I love more than anything. All right? I’m not going to do that. I’ve spend years—literal— almost a whole decade of years loving you more than anything. I’m not going to just forget that or forget you. I’m not throwing that way. I’m not ever going to lie and say otherwise. This is not a ‘move on and grow out of it’ scenario. I love you more than anything in the world. Okay? You told me I wasn’t expendable and I had to deal with that so you have to deal with this. You mean everything to me and I love you, and that isn’t going to change even when you leave.”

“—hurt you,” Eddie finishes. It doesn’t really sound finished now. He says it because he was already saying it. 

But that the fuck does he say now? 

Eddie doesn’t usually think of himself as small, quiet, or fragile. But he feels like that now. His feeble words sound like it even in his own ears. Small. Inconsequential. Torn apart.

Buck steps back toward him. Not enough that they’re touching, but enough that they’re closer. “Hurt me. Drag me down. I don’t care.”

Eddie recoils. No. No, he hates that idea. He is not doing that. Not intentionally. Not. What the fuck. 

He knows he said the words. He said them because his mother said them and they stuck and haven’t left his head or his heart and it’s all he does. Ruin people he loves. 

Buck shakes his head. “Be in the way. Burden me. Share whatever weight you’re carrying. Be something that stays even if you’re not here. Be part of my life even if it hurts. I don’t care if it hurts, I need you to be something to me. Having nothing of you would be a hundred, thousand, million times worse. I am in this with you. I always have been. Don’t shut me out just to spare me. If you’re facing the fire, I want to be right there with you. Please don’t make me lose everything of you. Please don’t— please. Don’t pretend this is nothing. I can take you leaving, I can’t take this,” he motions between them, “meaning nothing.”

Eddie stares and doesn’t move. And stares harder like it will help him understand. 

He knows he’s breathing still because there’s air. 

Maybe he’s not breathing. But something is making air flow in and out of his body. Like rescue breaths? Supplemental oxygen? It’s not Eddie doing it, he’s not taking in air, but it happens anyway. 

He doesn’t understand. Maybe he never has. Maybe his brain stopped processing information when he stopped breathing because the brain can’t function without oxygen. Something like that. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t. 

Buck wants something of him even after everything? After all the people who have walked out on him and treated him like he doesn’t matter? Even with how Eddie fails and hurts people who care about him? He means something to Buck? Even though he’s hurting him and abandoning him and losing him? Eddie’s just another person who leaves him. He can’t hurt Buck. He can’t keep doing it. Buck doesn’t deserve this. And Eddie deserves no loyalty, no forgiveness. 

He doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. Not in any form. He shouldn’t have it. He’s never had it. 

“I don’t—” Eddie tries to say. He has to say. He has to make the words come out. “I don’t want to hurt you the way Abby hurt you. I don’t want to do that.” 

Buck shakes his head again and starts to say something.

Eddie beats him to it. “I know it’s not the same. I know I’m not— I know you don’t— It’s different. Still. I know how she hurt you, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t know how to not do that. I’m leaving you here. In my house. Just like she did when she left you. And I have to—” Do the same fucking thing? Give him up? Walk away? Destroy everything they made together? And maybe the only way to survive is to do what Eddie does best and ruin everything? 

He looks back at Buck and doesn’t mean to say it. He wasn’t going to say anything. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. He should be mean and nasty and he should tell Buck he means nothing, this means nothing, and then Buck can just be justifiably angry and hate Eddie properly. 

And it would spare him. Whatever pain and tragedy that is associated with being near Eddie. It would spare Buck. 

That’s what he should do. 

That would be mercy and kindness. Pick up the weapon and blow this all to hell. 

Eddie can’t breathe. He can’t do this. Any of it. 

He can’t let go. He can’t lose Buck. 

And then he’s suddenly confessing, “I don’t want to do this."

It’s too late. It’s always too late. And what he actually wants has never mattered. He doesn’t matter. He never has. He twists his hands together and has nothing else to hold onto. It’s too late, so none of this matters. Eddie doesn’t matter. But he meets Buck’s lost gaze, stares into his eyes for three seconds, and he can’t keep it in.

“I want to be with Chris. I miss him so much. Every minute of every day. But I don't want to leave here. I don't want this. But it doesn't matter what I want. It never has. The one time I said, 'What about me? Why didn't you think of me?' Chris left. He left because I hurt him. And my dad says, ‘don’t wait thirty years to listen to your son.’ So I listen. I don’t know what the hell else to do. I listen, and I do what all of them ask. Even when it’s the last thing I want and I’ve already said, no, please stop, I need more time, please hear me. They don’t listen to me. I’m still nothing to every single one of them. And I just keep thinking why don’t I ever count? Why don’t I matter even a little bit?

"You think you aren't everything to me, too? Do you think that I don't love you just as much as you love me? But I don’t get to pick you. I don’t get to have anything of you. I hurt everyone I try to love including you and Chris. I’m not enough for anyone, in any way. I can’t love anyone the way they need or the way I’m supposed to. You say you’re defective parts, well I’m fucking broken.

"That’s why you should forget me. I don’t matter. You shouldn’t care. I should mean nothing because I am nothing. I’m not worth this. If I were a better, stronger person, I’d make you hate me. But I can’t even do that. I don’t want to hurt you more. I have to lose you and I don’t know how to lose you. I love you more than anything and it’s not enough. I don’t know what else to do but say, you should move on and forget me.”

Eddie turns away and covers his face, tries to hold his head because it’s aching. It’s too much. That was too much. He’s not supposed to be falling apart. Everything is supposed to be getting better. 

Shards of ice crack and fracture and break underneath him. Everything in the cage around his ribs snaps and he’s crying into his hands, trying to keep it together. Trying and failing. Always failing. His face is already wet. He was already broken. A long time ago. So many times. 

Buck is suddenly behind him. Not distant. Close behind him. He touches Eddie’s back gently and then steps around until he’s standing in front of him. He reaches between them and rests his hand on Eddie’s chest. As if he can stop the never-ending bleeding that’s somehow always pouring from Eddie’s heart. “You are enough, Eddie. You’re more than enough."

[kalashnikovlobotomy]

opened the draft for chapter 4 of my rusame fanfic sighed and closed it brothers it's looking Rough

[keferon]

.....face in hands. I don't know what to say.

I'm reading this fic at a snail's pace because after every fifth paragraph, fireworks explode in my brain and I go to draw what I just read

[ricky-mortis]

Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

Okay I saw more of your art and had to come back (if it’s okay)

Maybe this time….King Marty? Like in a kings outfit with the septor

and crown and stuff? Idk

no problem at all! i'm just happy you enjoy :D

anyone with any remote knowledge of historical dress from any vague period or region please avert your eyes.

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[jessamine-rose]

*lovingly tackles Aine*

Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽｀)

Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—

*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3

[lurafita]

I need immortal husbands who accidentally travel back to current times from like a century or two in the future. And Alec is super relaxed because while he keeps in shadowhunter shape just in case, he has been retired from official clave business for over a century and malec are currently the owners of a small island b&b. And anyway island life Alec falls through a portal and lands in season 1 and has to tell himself to chill out.

Anyway, you are the place I send my weird fic ideas I don’t have time to write. I love reading yours when you post them!

If season 1 Alec, then immortal future Alec probably has a bit more to tell him than just to relax. A lot of fans like to forget that early Alec had some major hangups that fortunately he grew out of. But an older self coming back to this mirror of the past, and dragging him into a room and telling him exactly what a bullshit statement "Downworlders are slaves to their instincts" is, would just be *chef's kiss*. Also how there was more to life than leading an institute the way his parents and the Clave want it to be led. That adhering to tradition too stubbornly stands in the way of progress. That life is nothing but a meaningless list of tasks to complete if you aren't true to yourself. That the respect of his subordinates isn't earned by standing in his family's shadow. That loving your siblings doesn't mean that you should go along with every cockamamie idea they have. And yes, he uses words like cockamamie now. And so on. Just imagining the possible butterfly effect of change it could bring if Alec got an early start for a change of perspective, and did things differently. Especially if this meant that he and Magnus would get together quicker. And then when future Magnus steps through a portal to collect his husband (it probably took him a bit to figure out what happened and where Alec ended up), future Magnus can take a bit of a crack at past Magnus as well. Why not give him a head's up about the whole Valentine disaster? Why not deal with Iris Rouse sooner? Why not lay the groundwork to cut ties with Camille once and for all? Why not prevent Ragnor's death? Why travel back in time at all if you don't change things for the better. Magnus isn't worried that these changes would affect his and Alec's relationship. They have stood the test of time. They are rock solid. And they both believe in their love. So many lives can be saved, relationships repaired, diplomacy practiced, and so on. Two Magnuses going up against Lilith and Asmodeus? Two Alecs leading the institute to a frontal assault against Valentine, Malachi and Altertree? Hell, maybe they can even help Johnathan. At that time, he hasn't commited any atrocities yet. And then they can go back to their time and island living. With the added occasional visit from Ragnor, who is promptly tlaked into babysitting the latest kids that Malec have adopted, so that they can have an anniversary date under the stars.

Keep the fic ideas coming. I love responding to your messages. XD

Hope you are doing well, and remember to drink enough water.

[slimepuparibaba]

getting numbers feat the stellaron twins

the amount of dumb danstelle and caelus 7th (wtf is their shipname i actually dont know) brainrot i have is so fucking unfair you have no clue how long ive been wanting to post some stuff twitters limit is too small i need to drabble like this like

March 7th: Oh, and here's my number, Caelus! Caelus, monotone: Oh. Thanks. March 7th: No problem!

vs

Dan Heng: Here's my number. Stelle: ......... Dan Heng: ...? Stelle: Damn bro. Are... are you hitting on me? Dan Heng: Dan Heng (but red): what Stelle: lmao that's kinda sudden like omg dinner and a movie first Dan Heng (extremely red in the face): (is she stupid? please tell me she's stupid. i'm sure she's just stupid)

and then later caelus just confronts his sister like

Caelus: What the fuck is wrong with you? Stelle: Chill out, bro. It was just a joke. Caelus, under his breath: well he doesnt think that Stelle: What? Caelus: Hm? Stelle: bro i can't hear you, you keep murmuring Caelus: Then maybe you should get your ears checked, sis. Stelle: Stelle: BRUH, IF YOU DON'T-- Caelus: and your eyes Stelle: I WILL WALK. ALL THE WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SPACE STATION. I DON'T CARE WHAT WELT OR HIMEKO SAID. IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT THE FUCKING STELLARON BLOWS UP. HUH? HUH??? Caelus: And it'll be your fault that Dan Heng goes to the doctor because he's experiencing "heart palpitations" Stelle: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO WITH HIS HEART PROBLEMS? Caelus: (yeah no she's dumb)

[supjello]

bold move honestly to have all the characters yell every argument they knew fans would have at ted for why he should stay, and not have him say they’re wrong, or offer anything to counter it. Because at the end of the day it was his son. It was only his son. His son was the period at the end of the sentence, and always was going to be. Nothing else mattered, he was going home to his boy.

Literally if they were right I'd agree but it's them they know, not me. Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away. I know I have to go.

[daryfromthefuture]

mcflyjuly 2024//🌲🌲//day 21: babysitter

03/03/85

It's easy to forget that I'm not the only teen needing money and that Jennifer also has a job. Which is the reason we can't go out today. He's babysitting the little sister of someone from Linda's old class (she got the job from Linda), and I can't understand how she does it. Even Einstein makes me lose my mind sometimes. And he's a dog.

Speaking of babysitting, today, Doc got to babysit me (haha) as I was bored without a date. We nearly blew his lab to bits, so that was fun.

[alchemicaladarna]

Well...Happy 1 year of QSMP I guess...

There's just no easy way to say anything about everything that's been happening the past few weeks and everything that's happened since yesterday because it's a fucking dumpster fire and I'm just so tired of it all to be honest...

But this post isn't about that.

I still want to celebrate this server's first year anniversary because of how much it means to me personally. I made a post talking about how I initially started watching the qsmp (two days early 💀) but I'll reiterate what I've always said:

That despite all the problems of the server, despite all the damage that has been done, never forget what it has managed to achieve and hopefully continues to achieve in the future, under better conditions.

The QSMP's mission was to unite people from all over the world to play together and be friends despite speaking different languages and having different cultures. It united communities and formed friendships across the globe. Personally, achieving that takes more than just sticking random people in the same room together because it's about making genuine connections that could last a lifetime. And the qsmp achieved that. I'll never stop saying this because despite all its glaring problems, the qsmp is revolutionary for all the good it has managed to do.

Ok, like think about the translations alone. I'm using Bad as an example because he's the only one so far that I've seen do this but, BBH has set up live translations of multiple languages on his screen so non-english speakers can still understand his streams and his vods even if he's not playing on the qsmp. That wouldn't have happened without the QSMP's influence. That's fucking incredible!

Think about all the CC's and admins that became friends after meeting on the server. Former admins like Lumi (Pomme) and Shade (Dapper) still talking to Bad on his chat and watching his stream. That's still really awesome! Not to mention all the amazing collaboration projects with many qsmp members outside minecraft like Ordem Paranormal and Liar Liar, to name a few.

Look, the last three weeks have been extremely difficult on everyone. I myself am tired of the situation and scrolling through the tag, especially after yesterday, just makes me sad tbh. For the first time since these weeks, I felt so despondent and shocked about everything. It got to the point where, after Shade and Lumi announced their departure, I called my mom and broke down sobbing and vented about the whole admin situation. And bless her heart, my mom actually listened and I'm going to share the advice she gave me:

"Let them fix the problem. Let the company do the restructuring they need to do because right now, it sounds like they have a lot of problems to fix. It's going to take a long time before things can go back to any sense of normalcy, so while they do that, focus on yourself for now. If you're so invested in all the problems of this online world, maybe it's time to step back for now. Maybe it's time to focus on the real world."

And well, she's right. I've been so upset about the situation that my mental health wasn't faring well because of it. Yesterday was kind of a wake up call for me I guess?

I've been in this fandom for 10 months now. It's the longest time I've been invested in a community and qsmp has and will always have a special place in my heart. But I think it's time to let go and move on for now. I'll keep my hopes up and hope that the future is bright, and the qsmp will continue because it has so much potential to achieve more greatness, but I'll leave the project to rest and focus on other endeavors for now.

I'll be posting art and checking in on stuff from time to time, and of course, I'll be watching BBH, but it might be time to depart and say, "Thanks for everything, and I'll see you later."

Most people will be ashamed to mention the fandoms they've been a part of when they were younger, but 10 years from now, if anyone ever asks if I was a part of the qsmp fandom, I'll gladly say yes and tell all the good stories I have about it.

I love the community we made here on qsmpblr, and if I trust the QSMP's mission of uniting people, then I trust that, no matter what happens, this community will be here when I return.

Because...Despite everything, it's all about love, right? And no matter what happens, the love is still there, and will always be.

Thank you for the journey <33

[scatterpatter]

every time i read a different issue of Archie Megaman that i havent read yet its just

[zincbot]

ngl i love the naruto fic trend of 'kakashi goes back in time and has to try to fix everything'

[wr0ngwarp]

absence of feelings voiced is not absence of feelings felt

zero beat moment. i have many not-really-canon thoughts on this silly robot

hex translations under the cut

"can you guys SHUT THE FUCK UP for a minute??"

"i'm booooored…"

"all of you guys are morons and your plans are stupid"

"why does anyone even still care about beat when i'm RIGHT HERE"

"man who even gives a shit"

YES it is just him moping around and thinking mean thoughts towards rokkaku group (he is not allowed to complain out loud but that will NOT stop him from having strong opinions in the privacy of his own code.)

have a :zeap: as a present for opening the readmore

[beesinspades]

my hot take is that "but aro/aces can be in relationships and/or have sex!" has become the easy excuse for never bothering to for once think and create in fandom about non-sexual and/or non-romantic aro/ace relationships

people most of whom pull out that excuse but never bothered to write these characters' romantic and/or sexual relationships from an aro/ace lense in the first place either. sorry but writing a canon ace character exactly like you would an allo character and then go 'because aces can have sex! :D' when called out for ignoring their aversion to sex is not writing an ace character

idk personally i think taking away an aroace character's canon disinterest in sex and/or romance in the name of shipping is as much in bad taste as making a canonically trans character cis would be. or making a canon lesbian character heterosexual.

'but aroace people can be in romantic and sexual relationsips!' when people whine 'you can't hc this character as aroace bc they like romance/sex!': yes

'but aroace people can be in romantic and sexual relationsips!' when called out for ignoring a character being canonically aroace and disinterested in romance and sex: hehhhh

at the end of the day do what you want! it's not about what you're allowed or not allowed to do it's about y'all giving so much importance to respecting canon rep unless it's sex and/or romance-averse aro/aces. and it fucking stings

i'm not saying it's wrong and you can't do it. I'm just saying it's in bad taste and the double standard is there because if you did that to a canon trans character you'd get ripped to pieces. hell you probably wouldn't do it at all.

fandom being a sex-positive space is great but sex-positivity is also about not wanting sex. fandom being a safe space for queer themes is great but queerplatonic relationships are also queer.

anyway. you've got the whole fucking playground in every single fandom but letting one (1) character be a canonically romance/sex-averse or overall disinterested in romance/sex aroace is just too fucking hard for you apparently