#halsey fanfiction

[justmeinadaze]

Colors (Part of Halsey AU)(Eddie X You)

A/N with Warnings: You don't have to have read the others to understand this but it helps. Part of this AU. While the universe is a Steddie pairing, this is about one of the readers experiences with Eddie when he was an addict. I'm writing one for Steve next. I would place it between part one and two of the series.

Warnings: 1994 is healing Eddie munson and 1985 is Toxic/Addict Eddie with Fem Girlfriend Reader, SMUT, slight dirty talk, comfort, needy intimacy

ANGST, Eddie unintentionally triggers Y/N and she disassociates, Steve uses his therapy skills to bring her back and help them both, Eddie exhibits toxic behaviors (yelling, degrading, throwing things, accuses her of cheating), He unintentionally throws something and almost hits her. Mentions of Steve's alcoholism. Wayne scolds his nephew and worries about him "ending up like Allen". A teacher is a dick and belittles Eddie.

The flashback doesn't have a happy ending but the 1994 timeline does. Obviously because events in the series...

Word Count: 4815

Donate/Tip me <3

"You're dripping like a saturated sunrise You're spilling like an overflowing sink You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink."

1994

“Hey, pretty girl.”, Eddie beams from his place at the stove where he was making dinner. “How was your day?”

“Good. Long.”, you sigh as you hop up on the stool by the counter as you watch him move around. “My editor wants me to rewrite the article and he just kind of made me feel bad.”

The metalhead’s back straighten as he turned to face you. 

“What did he say?”

“He kind of insinuated that I’m slacking and that I’ve turned in way better work than this. He’s right ya know?”

“What? No, sweetheart. Fuck that guy!”, he shouted as he turned back to his pan to stir the food. “Y/N, you writing is amazing! That asshole fucking sitting on his high horse behind his desk like he’s God or something dictating what’s ��acceptable’. He should feel fucking lucky he has someone as talented as you!”

His long hair lightly smacks his cheek as he turns to throw a smile your way but your wide eyes and frozen stature has it falling from his lips. 

“Y/N?”, he coos but you don’t respond. “Baby?”

Tossing the spatula he was holding to the side; he turns off the stove and comes around to cup your face in his palms. 

“Sweetheart, look me. What’s going on?”

You were mumbling something as your mouth moved and he had to place his ear right above your lips to even put any of the words together. 

“What do I have to do? What do I have to do? What do…”

“STEVE!!”

####################

1985

You stare at his empty seat beside you in class when you should be listening to the teacher speak about trivial things like Shakespeare and Hamlet. Eddie had been there that morning when you shared your breakfast with him and Steve knowing they most likely didn’t eat because their vices made them nauseas especially in the mornings. 

Now it was your first class after lunch and he wasn’t here. When he walked away from you, he said he had to go to the bathroom but he would be there before the bell rang. You couldn’t help but envision him hiding in a stall before digging into his pocket to look for the vile filed with powder he felt like he needed to survive. He was probably smearing it along the point between his index and thumb before bringing it to his nose to inhale deeply. He most likely thought about how late he was going to be and how disappointed you were in him but the pull of the high was stronger. 

“Y/N?”, the teacher calls jerking you out of your thoughts. “Do you want to answer my question?”

“I, uh, I’m sorry what was the question?”

“I asked if you thought Hamlet loved Ophelia especially with the way he treated her.”

“Um, I feel like it’s more than what’s on the surface. Hamlet seems to hate her when he says mean things to her and calls her names but he was so consumed by things going on inside his head… that he lashed out and said things he didn’t mean.”

The teacher’s eyes scan you over as the bell rings and kids start to stand to pack up their belongings.

“Alright, class. I’ll see you on Monday. Don’t forget your assignment due first thing Monday morning! Miss Y/N, would you mind staying behind for me?”

You nod as you finish putting away your things before following behind him to his desk where he takes a seat and waits for the last student to leave. 

“Here’s a copy of the worksheet I handed out at the beginning class. Tell him if he skips my class one more time I’m going to have to speak with Principal Higgins and his uncle.” As your lips form into a thin line, you nod again as you reach for the paper, pausing when he doesn’t release it from his grasp. “I know he’s your best friend, Y/N, but you can’t let him keep dragging you down. You are a smart girl and an extremely talented writer. You deserve to excel in life.”

Taking the worksheet, you push it into your backpack and flash him your calmest smile you could muster.

“So does he. Thank you, Mr. Gold. I’ll see you on Monday.”

***

Eddie stirred at the sound of your voice as he forced his eyes open to see a blur standing over him. 

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Shhh, Eddie. You’re in the library. Come on, it’s time to head home.”

“Is it? Fuck me. I meant to sit down for one second. Ok, let’s go, fuck.”, he grunted as he tripped over his feet and fell into your arms accidently pushing you back. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m ok. I got it.”

As you drove his van, you worried about Steve who was supposed to have dinner with his parents and some of his father clients. Knowing him, after he would binge the booze in the house and then come to the trailer looking for you. You always worried when he went outside drunk, afraid he would cause an accident or if he was walking, ended up somewhere he shouldn’t be. Your parents were out of town this weekend so you planned on staying at Eddie’s to help him with his English homework but knowing them none of that would get done. 

“How was class? Did Mr. Asshole have anything to say?”, he sighed as he turned his body to face you while you drove. 

“No.”, you lied. “But he did give me the worksheet we worked on and then he mentioned we have that homework due on Monday.”

“Fuck, I haven’t even started that. I don’t Hamnie.” His eyes flick towards you when you giggle making him smile softly towards you. “What? Why are you laughing at me, pretty girl?”

“It’s Hamlet, dork.”

“Oh, excuse me.”, he teases before tilting towards you to kiss your cheek and leaning on your shoulder. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you to, Eddie.”

***

“Fuck me.”, he whines under his breath when he sees his uncle’s truck still by the trailer.

Taking a hold of your hand, he practically yanks your arm out of its socket as he pulls you to the door and through the living room. 

“Ed.”, Wayne calls before the boy even makes to the hallway. Sighing, he releases you and takes a step back to meet his guardian. “I got a call from a couple of your teachers today. They said you weren’t in class.”

“I was. They must be mistaken. Y/N can vouge for me since she has a couple with me.”

You stiffen as he points to you but Wayne already understands what his nephew doesn’t seem to. It’s not fair to put you in the middle. 

“I’m not asking her, I’m asking you. Your English teacher tells me you’re about to fail his class and your science teacher said you’re one test away from an F.”

“Ok, ok. Jesus, I’ll do better.”

“You said that last time, kid, and the time before that! I won’t tolerate it anymore. You need to get your act together. When I took you in I promised you’d have a better life! I won’t allow you to end up like Allen!”

Eddie’s entire body straightened as you felt the anger practically radiating from him. 

“I’m nothing like him. Now, don’t you have a deadbeat job to get to?!”

Your heart broke for Wayne when you say his own crack open through his eyes. Grabbing his cap, he shimmied around his nephew and paused by the door. 

“Y/N, would you like me drop you off at home on my way?”

Taking ahold of his hand, you caress it gently with your thumb piercing Eddie’s chest as he watches you comfort his uncle. That was the kind of person you were and one of his favorite things about you. You were so kind and full of love he felt he didn’t deserve.

He was always terrified one day someone would notice that and take you away from them. Or even worse, you would realize you deserved better and leave. No…he couldn’t allow that. Eddie and Steve needed you. Without you they were less than nothing; they were empty. A blank canvas with zero color or a dark room with no light. 

“I’m actually going to stay here tonight, Wayne. Thank you and be careful. It looks like it may rain soon.”

Glancing towards the hallway Eddie had disappeared down, he nods and lightly shakes you hand before letting go. 

“Yeah, it does.”

***

“Fucking asshole. I’m nothing like my dad.”, he grumbled as he pulled out a cigarette and lit the end. “And what about you, huh? Why the fuck didn’t you defend me out there?!”

“I didn’t…I don’t want to be in the middle, Eddie.”

“Bullshit! You put yourself in the middle all the fucking time! Why didn’t you tell me Mr. Gold was going to call him?! Do you want to see me in trouble?!”

“No! He told me if you missed one more class then he would call him.”

“So, you lied to me!? He did talk to you?! Why the fuck did you lie?!”

“Because I didn’t think it was a big deal. You are going to class and I’m going to help you get an A.”

“By fucking him?”

“Excuse me?!”

“You heard me! You and I both know you’re not as innocent as you claim to be, little girl! What else did he say huh?! Tell me!!”

Your jaw tightened as you defiantly planted your feet into the floor. 

“He said I deserved better and that I’m an amazing writer! He thinks I’m going to make something of myself one day.”

“And he’s going to help you right?”, he sneered.

“Yes, you fucking dick! You caught me! He said all I needed to do was meet him after class and if I do whatever he wants he’ll help me get into school just to spite you!”, you lied watching as he slowly got amped up the more you spoke. “Is that what you want to hear?! It seems to be because you accuse me of bullshit like that all the time, Eddie!”

“Because I know you’re not fucking perfect like you pretend to be, you fucking whore! FUCK! Teachers think I’m a fucking failure, you think I’m a fucking idiot apparently, and my uncle thinks I’m like my father. You want to see me like my fucking father, I can show you what Allen is capable of. 

You watched him with wide eyes as he trashed his room around you both muttering things to himself under his breath while the destruction happened around him. You were never afraid of either of them when they got low like this. Neither boy had ever hurt you physically and the viper tongue you had long gotten used to. It was when all sense seemed to fade and the light that usually gave you hope disappeared into the background of their anger that you started to worry. When caution was haphazardly thrown to wind and they were no long present which was rare but happened. 

Like now…

He wasn’t even sure what he threw until your squeak filled the room and a loud shattering crash pushed some of the drug induced fog out of his brain. It took him a moment as his eyes darted around the room looking for you before he realized you were on the floor with your hands covering your head. 

“Y/N?” 

Behind you there was now a hole in his wall the size of the ashtray he threw with ashes suddenly sprinkled all around you. 

“Baby! Oh my god!” Falling to his knees, his hand reached out to dust the mess from your hair but you coward away and his heart shattered. “Sweetheart…FUCK! I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean what I said or…” When he tries to touch you again, you forcefully shove him away. “Baby, please, let me make it up to you. L-Let me hold you.”

The last of your resolve faded away as he reached for you again and this time you allowed him to lift you into his arms, where he pulled you onto his bed and held you tightly to his chest. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. You’re too good for me, princess. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Eddie…what do I have to do…to show you that I love you both and ONLY you both?”

“Nothing, baby. I know. It’s the blow…fuck…you deserve better. I swear I’m never taking another hit. I hated seeing you afraid of me.”

Closing your eyes, you melted into the frame, his hands shaking as he gently petted your head and kissed your shoulder.

“Y/N?”, he whispered but you chose to pretend to be asleep, to heavy in your trauma exhausted brain to even answer back. “I’m scared. If I ever lost you it would kill me, baby, especially if it was my fault. If I ever… no…I could never hurt you, sweetheart. Not like my dad with my mom…or me. Did you know that black eye I had when you first met me…Allen accused me of ‘being too good for this family’. Popped me so hard… That’s not me…right, baby? I’m not…that bad?

Fuck. The fact that I even have to ask myself that says enough. No more, pretty girl. I’m going to get clean and get my act together. I’m going to be the man you need me to be. I love you so much.” His voice cracks and he clings to you tighter. 

When he finally releases you, you do fall asleep only to be woken up to the bed jostling as someone falls into.

“Steve Harrington!”, Eddie hisses in a murmur. “I have a fucking front door. You’re going to wake her up!”

The boy stumbles not so subtly, still shaking the mattress before rising to his feet. 

“Jesus, dude. What the fuck happened here?”, the jock slurred. 

“I, uh, we… I did too much blow at school and…”

“And? You didn’t fucking hurt her did you?!”, Steve growled.

The sounds of him scurrying off the floor before pushing his friend against the wall fill your ears. 

“Shhhhh!! No, dick. I didn’t fucking hurt her and I never would.”

“Get the fuck off me! I had a long night alright dealing with my parents and their bullshit friends. I don’t need you and your bullshit to!”, the boy shouts with zero regard to the volume of his voice. 

“Steve?”, you call as you open your eyes and face their direction. He was drenched from head to toe from the rain outside and you quickly crawled out of bed realizing just then that Eddie had begun cleaning the mess around the room. “You’re gonna get sick, baby. Let’s get you warmed up and dried off.”

Steve’s eyes softened when you took his hand, leading him to the bathroom so he could shower and change before getting into bed. 

***

The following morning, you awoke to the feeling of fingers in your hair and opened your eyes to lock with Eddie’s tearful, bloodshot ones. 

Without saying a word, you reached out to caress his cheek, swiping your thumb along his face to catch the wetness that stained it. Placing his palm over yours, he tilted his head to kiss your skin and nuzzled into the warmth of your hand. 

When his bottom lip trembled, your own tears began to fall as you pulled his body into yours and held him tightly to you. 

Out of all the many states and emotions you have seen both boys in, you hated this one the most. When the pain, no longer numbed by vice, would leak through. You never wanted to see them hurting and did everything you could to remind them that you were there. You desperately wished there was a way you could take it from them to house it yourself. 

Sometimes you would imagine touching your palm to their chest and blue glow would flow from them to you. They would shine brighter and smile wider; maybe finally be at peace. You were strong. You could handle the heaviness of that glow until they were ready to work through it themselves. 

“I’m not my dad.”, Eddie whimpered as his voice cracked. 

“No, baby, you’re not.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” Shaking your head, you tilted back so your lips could kiss his. “I get so scared sometimes…I don’t know what I would do without you…”

“I’m not going anywhere, honey, I promise.”

He kissed you again, slowly at first till they became steadily more passionate with his shaking palm gripping your hips to press against his own. In one swift motion, Eddie pulled you from Steve’s sleeping side, underneath his warm frame as his needy kisses promptly travelled to your neck. 

Feeling the movement between your legs, you wrapped your limps around his waist as he shimmied his cock free from his boxers and you licked your palm before reaching down to pump it along his shaft as a heavy pant escaped his lips. Tilting both your heads to look down, you two watch as you move your panties to the side and guide his length inside of you. 

“Fuck, sweetheart.”, he groaned as he collapsed fully on top of you as you circled both your arms around him. 

“I love you so much, Eddie. I know—mmm—I know you’d never hurt me like he did you.” 

As you spoke, the metalhead steadily thrust his hips delivering long, deep strokes that had the head of him deliciously abusing your g-spot while you tried to focus on comforting him. 

“I’m yours and Steve’s. I would—oh my—I would never hurt you or-or leave you for anyone else. I need you.”

Abruptly pushing up onto his palms, his eyes searched your face as he picked up his rhythm.

“You need me, baby?”

You don’t know what made you do it but your hand extended landing directly on his bare chest. You imagined that blue light leaving his heart and wrapping around your wrist, guiding you as your palm moved behind his neck to bring his lips to yours. 

“I’ll always need you, Eddie. Make me cum, honey, please. I-I need to feel you fill me up.” Honoring your request and not caring about the man sleeping beside you, he pumped his hips harder and faster, slamming his cock deep inside you. “Just like that, Eddie, please.”

“Just like that, Y/N? Fuck, say it again. Say you need me.”

“I need you.”

“Again.”

“I need you, Eddie.”

“Ah—again.”

“I need you.”

Taking ahold of your wrists, he pins them beside you head as his own fall into the nook of your neck and his heavy breaths warm your skin. Your body shakes beneath him as the coil snaps and the pillow smothers his grunts as he pounds his release into your cunt. 

As you both pant, you glance towards Steve who was still fast asleep with his head turned towards the wall. When Eddie shifted his gaze to see what you were looking at he couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Boy sleeps like a rock especially with that whiskey he drinks.” Shifting his gaze to you, he tenderly leans down to kiss your lips. “Tomorrow when we wake up maybe him and I can come up with a plan together on how to get sober.”

Your fingers caress his cheek as he grins and kisses your fingertips. 

***

“Mr. Munson, you seem a bit jittery today.”, Mr. Gold addresses Eddie with an edge as the boy slowly walks to the front to hand him the worksheet with other homework you had given him and worked with him to complete all weekend while you waited for him outside the door after class. 

“Y-Yes, yes, sir. Just, um, trying to get things in order.”

The metalhead just wanted to throw all this bullshit on the man’s desk and leave. He hadn’t had a hit since Friday evening and he felt like his body was trying to kill him. All he wanted to do was go home and lay down with you in his arms. 

“Well, there’s a lot more that needs to be done, son. Did Y/N help you with this?”

“Yes, sir.”

“She’s a sweet girl and very smart. She has a bright future ahead of her.”, the teacher responds absently as he looks through the boy’s assignments. 

“Yes, s-sir. We tell her that all…all the time.”, Eddie winces as he grabs his stomach. 

“Hm. It’s interesting that you tell her that yet you continue to drag her down. She’d probably be in one of our higher courses we offer here but for whatever reason she insists on being where she’s at.”

“Steve and I would never do anything to keep Y/N from being great.”, he growled. “She’s our best friend and we love her.”

“But not enough to grow with her it seems. All right, well, I’ll go over these and input your grade later. Keep showing up and doing the work. Who knows, maybe we can keep another Munson out of jail.”

Eddie’s eyes widen as his brain goes into overdrive before reaching over the desk to grab the paperwork you both had work so hard on and ripped it in half.

“EXCUSE ME!”

“You’re not fucking excused, asshole!”

“Eddie, wait—“, you called trying to stop him as he shoulder checked you and powerwalked down the hallway. “How could you say that to him?!”

You teacher grumbled as began picking up the pieces of paper around him. 

“He did a couple of assignments, Y/N. He has a lot more things he needs to do to show me he actually wants to do better and this isn’t a tick in his favor.”

“How the fuck is he supposed to do better when you belittle him like you just did?! He worked all weekend trying to catch up!”

“Watch your mouth, Miss Y/L/N, or I swear to god I’ll call your parents.”

“Call them! Hell, I’ll tell them when I get home what an asshole you are! You’re a teacher! You’re supposed to guide him not bring him down!”

Turning down the hall, you went on the hunt for him, ending up in the parking lot where he was sitting in his van.

“Babe?”

A small smirk painted his lips as he lazily leaned his head to face you. 

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Eddie…please…”

“No, baby. Everything…everything’s ok. I actually feel a lot better, you know. Fuck that guy. I’m going to show him how amazing I am and pass that stupid class with flying colors so I can shove it in his face!” 

As his glassy eyes meet yours, your heart shatters into pieces once more as you wonder to yourself why you even bothered to get your hopes up this time when every time before has always had the same outcome. 

“Come on, pretty girl. Let’s get something to eat.”

 After climbing into his van, he inhales and rubs the bottom of his nose with his finger before glancing toward the glovebox to make sure it was closed and reaching for your hand to hold onto his lap. 

###################

1994

Ice touching your arm startles you back into the moment as you gasp and squeeze the hand holding yours. 

“There she is. It’s ok, honey, you’re ok. Breathe. Good girl. Inhale…and exhale…good.”, Steve smiles as he places the cube he was holding back into the cup by his side. His cold fingers continue to run along your skin as he watches your eyes fleet from left to right. “You’re alright. We’re in our apartment in Detroit and your safe, baby.”

“Is she ok?”, Eddie murmurs as he bites the nail on his thumb. “Do we need to go to the hospital or doctor or something?”

Steve calmly shakes his head as his other palm pets your hair. 

“You’ve seen her do this before in high school. She’s disassociating.”

“Because of me? I-I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even think. I—”

Both men watch as your head hangs and you start to sob. You allow Steve to pull you into his arms while he continues to comfort you while his friend waits helplessly on the side lines. 

“Shhhh. We got you, Y/N. You’re safe. Everything is ok. Hey, Ed, why don’t you go make her a bath with those smells she likes?” Without hesitation, he runs that way and the other boy allows him a moment before carrying you to the bathroom. “There we go, pretty girl. There’s no rush ok? You sit here as long as you need to and I’m going to go finish dinner. Is it ok if Munson sits with you?”

You nod and in return he kisses your forehead but before he can leave Eddie grabs his arm. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if I scare her again?”

“She’s not afraid of you, Eddie. Trust me. Whatever happened I’m sure you didn’t do it intentionally. It could have been something as small as a smell or as big as a raise in your voice. Whether we like it or not…we’re responsible for her pain… we just have to be there for her and do whatever she needs.”

“Yeah…yeah…hey, um, can you show me what you did out there to bring her back? Just in case in the future, you know?”

“Of course. Right now, though, I think it would be good for you two to talk.”, he smiles as he pats his friend’s back and leaves the room. 

Exhaling out the nerves, he takes a seat on the floor beside the tub facing you as you stared forward. Your gaze shifted towards him, however, when he leaned his head back and accidently hit it a bit too hard causing him to wince as he rubbed his head. 

A little snort laugh left your lips and he grinned as he playfully rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, that’s funny, huh? I think I just lost some lyrics to a few songs with that little bonk.” When his eyes meet yours, he sees that light that had been reflecting through them this past year return and he sighed in relief. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You didn’t scare me.”, you murmur. “I think it was just a combination of my day and…”

“And what?”, he urges as he rests his chin on his arm that’s laying on the edge of the tub. 

“I don’t want you change who you’ve become, Eddie. You didn’t do anything wrong. My brain just…sometimes things trigger it…”

“Because of what we did.” Your head hangs but he immediately places his fingers under your chin to lift it again. “Baby, we own it. That’s what therapy and rehab taught us. We can never take that back even though every day I wish we could. I wish I could just touch your brain and take away all the pain we caused but I can’t.”

“I always wanted that with you two. I thought of me touching your chest and…”

“Yeah but sweetheart it’s no longer just you facing this alone. You don’t have to carry it alone.”

“My editor said the things he said and then you raised your voice. It reminded me of that incident with Mr. Gold.”

“Pfft, yeah…Mr. Asshole.”, he chuckles as he shakes his head. “I heard he’s not teaching anymore thank God. I, um, that was when I accused you of wanting to sleep him. I threw things including the ashtray…”

When you nodded, he swallowed at the memory. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it? I don’t mind. It helps me to understand you know?”

You two talked until the water got cold. 

Eddie brought you to the bedroom to dry you off, put you in comfy pajamas, and brush your hair. By the time Steve said dinner was ready, you wouldn’t have been able to tell anything had happened at all. 

The metalhead threw you over his shoulder and you giggle all the way to the couch where he lightly tossed you down to sit beside you. 

“Don’t get used to this, rockstar. Here you go, honey.”, the other boy teases and hands you both your plates. 

“Thank you. Oh, hey Steven! Fork?”, Eddie sasses, grin widening when you laugh. While they playfully banter, you grab the remote and flip through the tv. “Oh, princess, look!”

“Yes!”, you beam as you both get more comfortable and Steve whines as he places himself beside you. 

“Why? Do we have to watch blood and cuts?”

“Yes.”, you and the metalhead announce at the same time. 

Eddie smiles down at you and tilts down to kiss you lips. 

###########

[gigglemugger]

The Naked and the Blind (or The Ballad of Meg Halsey).

Fandom: Re-Animator (Movies - Combs), Herbert West - Reanimator - H.P. Lovecraft.

Pairing: Herbert West/Meg Halsey

Rating: Explicit, or at the very least Mature.

Archive Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.

Synopsis:

"Meg Halsey had a problem. In fact, she had several problems, the first of which, she acknowledges while looking at her semi empty living room, is that she can't afford to live alone anymore. The second one is that she doesn't wanna go back to her daddy's house again. This would be an inconceivable notion to her thirteen year old self, even her sixteen year old self, but at twenty five, she'd really choose living under the bridge first. Ok. Maybe not that." Meg Halsey is perfect: Beautiful, accomplished, a bright future doctor. She escaped her hometown and moved to New York, where she likely would have stayed forever. After her mother dies, though, she is forced to move back to Arkham and face everything she wanted to leave behind. --- A.K.A I made a tumblr post about how Crampton/Combs are romantically involved in all of their collabs, got replies and decided to write down a suggestion of "what if Meg was the protagonist, not Dan?" Also I did the cop-out summary thing and pasted the first paragraph of the fic. It's highway robbery. Criminal (I'm sorry).

Thanks to @resonanteye and @sugarsweetnightmareee for helping me shape this up in the replies!

Word Count: Multi Chapter, so far 2,561 published, 19,701 written at the time of publication.

Chapter Count: 1/? (likely 9).

AO3 Tags: I uhhh......... I have no idea what I made it started with one tumblr post then one reply and here we are, I included other works by Lovecraft here and rounded Arkham up and then ran, Character Study, In a way, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Dan Cain, he doesn't exist, Danbert shippers cry I get it, Canon-Typical Violence, Animal Death, Eventual Romance, Slow Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Eventual Smut?, maybe? - Freeform, this fic is an affront to god just like herbert's reagent, Not Beta Read.

Language: English.

CW: Meg went through some trauma. Dead parents, dead cat. She also helps kill her dad later on, considering, so. It's a heavy fic, but if you liked the movie you'll be fine.

AO3 link.

AO3 Notes (yes, they're huge, bear with me): This is an AU about Meg Halsey. I always wanted to write this because in every single Combs/Crampton collaboration, they play lovers (Castle Freak, From Beyond, the Evil Clergyman) EXCEPT FOR in Reanimator, so I made a tumblr post saying I'd like to explore a Meg/Herbert thing solely because of that (and I've only seen it being done one other time, which made me wanna take a personal shot at it). This post was WAY more popular than I expected (it didn't hit the hundreds, but it hit like 20+ notes when I expected like 1 and it being a comment of "are you insane?" with nothing else), so I decided to take it seriously. Then someone suggested I make a version where Meg is the main character, no Dan, no nothing and I thought that was a really interesting idea and ran with it.  I made several notes (like four pages) about Meg's character and realized that she’s an amazing, incredibly accomplished ball of air. They made her have good instincts, a good brain, be helpful, be sweet, and then gave her zero personality. This isn’t her movie, so the first thing I did in this AU was scramble around with her brains and give her a will to live for something. The second thing I did was to scramble around with her brains enough so she’d have ambition.  The third one was to scramble around with her brains enough she’d have a crush on West—who is her equal here. I'm not saying this relationship won't go into some toxic patterns, but so does Danbert, though I understand the implications. It's more like a double edged sword, though.  When I say this is an AU, I mean it’s an AU for sure. I changed a lot of plot points, and switched things around, because it turns out that having Meg as a protag changes a lot on its own. I personally think that Herbert liked Dan for three reasons: He was beautiful, smart and incredibly gullible. Here he likes Meg because she's smart, ambitious and much more like him than others would think. She doesn't take bullshit, though. Scenes are maintained but go different directions, etc. Meg also went through trauma and transformation, which will be unpacked, and though she externally acts like the Meg we know, most of the time, she's not. She had like a Veronica Mars esque transformation, minus the REAL TRAGEDIES of Veronica Mars.  I decided to name this a ballad cause I always name things ballads and start with the definition of the word cause I’m pretentious and like to make it seem as if it’s not ‘cause of the ballad of John and Yoko. In this case, though, I decided to just call it the ballad of Meg Halsey, instead of the ballad of Herbert and Meg, or Halsey and West, because this fanfic is very much about Meg—she deserves it.  The Naked and the Blind comes from that line from Every Me Every You by Placebo (like the naked leads the blind, I know I’m selfish, I’m unkind). It felt fitting. I also included two characters of Lovecraft lore which will be useful throughout the fic (and possible sequel in which I take the bones of bride of reanimator and completely reshape it), Asenath Waite and Edward Derby, from The Thing on the Doorstep. I also mention the Pickmans, Necronomicons, all of that. I think I'm going to use Welsey as a ship name for now, though I'm sure someone else somewhere in the world has already come up with a ship name for them. I also named the Playlist I made for them this. Very normal behavior.  I have seven chapters written, almost at the end of the fic as a whole, and I’ll try to upload one every Monday. We’ll see.

1. Sucker love is heaven sent.

Meg Halsey had a problem. In fact, she had several problems, the first of which, she acknowledges while looking at her semi empty living room, is that she can't afford to live alone anymore. The second one is that she doesn't wanna go back to her daddy's house again. This would be an inconceivable notion to her thirteen year old self, even her sixteen year old self, but at twenty five, she'd really choose living under the bridge first. Ok. Maybe not that.

Here's a picture of Meg Halsey's life one year ago: A happy medical student in New York, with her own room and roommate at one of the dorm houses. Not a sorority girl like her mother gushed about her being when she was twelve, but still friendly towards everyone. Her hair was a little shorter, less gruffy, definitely bobbed, and she probably looked serene. Medical students aren't by definition serene, but she hadn't majorly fucked up. She got high grades, was the second best in her class which was full of men, and she was proud of herself.

Then her mother died. The rest was probably history, or easily deductible.

Savings had existed, but living in Arkham was more expensive than she remembered. Her dad wanted to pay for the house, but she refused because she knew what that entailed. He also wanted her to move back with him, but that would also mean other things: You don't need to pay rent, but you'll have to cook, clean, take care of affairs and be your mother. She was shocked he hadn't sent for her when she was dying, but then it had been so fast that maybe he didn't have the time.

“Don't worry daddy, it's OK,” she had said with a smile, eyeing the wine. She couldn't drink in front of him unless it was a special occasion, like a thirteen year old. “I'm just gonna have to find a roommate.”

It had been a week ago, at that house that smelled of death. Wood, carpets of history, several footprints of doctors, her mother and all the versions of herself.

I wish I could have that drink…

“Hmm…” Yes. The characteristic Dean Halsey “Hm.” The same he had for his employees when he needed to convince them of something. Here we go… “I'm not sure it's safe for you to invite a stranger into your house, Meggie.”

“I had a stranger in my house, remember? My roommate in college.” A nice girl, who never got into trouble, she had told her mother in her semi-weekly calls, which was a lie. Becca was a protester who was always in and out of jail because of fights with the cops. Still, that meant Meg had quiet nights to study, or contemplate the lights on in places that hadn't been Arkham.

“I still don't know about that, sweetheart. Maybe you should move back in for a while…”

“Are you alright, honey?” Her mother's voice resonated in her head. Last phone call before disaster. She remembered the clothes she had been wearing: Light sweater, jeans, boots. A Meg Halsey classic. She remembered it was raining and that two people went behind her, two guys, talking. There was a light breeze from the door and they were gone.

“I'm alright, mom. You?”

“Meg,” Dr. Harrod said. Hospital. Residence. Meg was holding onto her scalpel too tightly. “Maybe you need a break.”

“I'm fine.”

Another picture of Meg Halsey’s life: Prodigy. Brilliant. Bright smile, beautiful blue eyes. She was a perfect specimen of what you would call a girl: Polite, traditional, good. She never stayed out past eight, she never went with boys that much, she never strayed from her studies. She wanted to be whatever her dad thought was best, whatever her mother thought would make her proud.

Meg had goals and ambitions, sure, but she also wanted other things. She watched her parents at the table, while cutting her meat. They were always smiling, laughing easily. All of it. She wanted it all. She even thought she had met a boy, her last high school boyfriend, traditional all the way, very nice and Christian upper middle class. Then…

The television was on, showing the news and Meg bit her lip. She looked at her nails, looked at the carpet and then at her cat, roaming around. “I'm not even going to have money to feed you at this rate,” she said when her beloved Rufus came to her lap. She put her face on his back gently. “God…”

Not turning back to the house, she'd have to find a roommate, one that she wouldn't be afraid would murder her in her sleep. Maybe she needed some coffee. Maybe she needed a million dollars.

She looked at the clock on the wall, the one that looked like Felix the cat, which she had in her bedroom at ten. The eyes went back and forth, freaking her mother out. It still had the stain of when she tried to paint it pink with glitter nail polish. Most importantly, it told her it was almost time to leave. Harrod would be going up and down looking for her and she had morgue duty, which was surely a lot for her muscles and she didn't look forward to it—morgue duty being that now it was the norm that someone else other than the attending intern doctor take the body downstairs, after an incident occurred (no more was mentioned about such an incident).

She wouldn't let her colleagues say she was using her status as the Dean's daughter to get out of good honest work.

However, she would have to look at Hill… He was always there testing his weird pen…

“Ouch!” She shrieked, looking at her hand and seeing the blood. “Oh, Rufus, get off!” Rufus did so, apparently understanding he shouldn't bite her and that she'd be rightfully pissed. She had to admit it was effective in bringing her back to the scene, though. It was a documentary which aired now, about a fishing town with a strange, rare disease. She had heard about it, and should be more interested considering, but frankly all she wanted was that coffee and a shower.

It was a pleasant afternoon in Arkham, her birth city. A strange city to be brought up in, with a deep history of the occult, but with a pristine, ivy league college in the form of the Miskatonic University. Meg stepped out of her car, chilly. She was wearing boots, a sweater and her hair was up. It was getting longer. Her dad almost went insane when she wanted to leave Arkham for New York, especially for medicine if she so insisted on studying that.

“A more womanly course would be interesting…”

“What's more womanly than curing people? Than being a healer?” Her mother waved her hand.

“I'm just not sure, Meg. Your dad thinks the same… Maybe it'd be best…”

“Would you have gone if you could? If you could do anything, would you? I can. I wanna go to New York.”

Every time in the past few months that she felt the air of the hospital wafting on her, sterilized and reminiscent of all the times she went to visit her dad, it was sort of like defeat. Not that she'd let that bring her down. She did go to New York after all. It was temporary, just until her dad got back on her feet.

Until he met someone, Becca said. A hot, pretty new thing to screw.

“Halsey,” Harrod said, standing by reception. Was she waiting? “Right on time. You need to go to 106, now. A patient just died, you need to take her down.”

At least she wasn't the one who killed her. Hooray for small miracles.

Scrubs became her, she thought—not that having vain thoughts was her hallmark—but they were not better than suits by a mile. She felt extremely underdressed in a second, walking into the morgue, at least compared to the austere, small man checking the beakers.

“Meg?” The man raised his head. The second man, being the corpse, stayed thankfully very still. “What are you doing here?”

“Pushing a body?” She laughed a little, to make things light, but she knew she had been busted. A few years ago it'd be unprecedented to go behind his back on anything, but now... Besides, it wasn't drugs, it was just a dead guy for Christ's sake.

He looked concerned right away.

“You're too small to be doing this kind of work. You'll kill yourself.”

“Honestly daddy—” she could feel the ears of the stranger perking up at that. Great going, Meg. Tell every single stranger about it. “It's fine. I can do it.” He paused and pursed his lips.

“Certainly one of your classmates…”

“I said I'm alright,” she smiled a little towards him, to mitigate any disrespect, before turning her attention completely to the left. “Who are you?” The small man looked up from a tag in one of the corpses.

“Oh, don't mind me. I'm sure I don't wanna interrupt family.” Her dad wouldn't pick up on the sarcasm, Meg knew, but she did. Her shoulders tensed, her eyes narrowed.

“Nonsense,” Dean Halsey began, well humored. “Mr. West, I'd like to introduce you to the most brilliant medical student in this room…” She looked away.

“Stop it, dad,” Meg smiled her brightest smile to hide her discomfort, as usual. West smiled back, in contempt.

“Oh, does she have a name?”

“I'm Megan. Halsey.” She didn't bother stretching her hand, she didn't wanna touch him.

“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Halsey.” I don't think so.

“West just came from Switzerland. He was doing independent research for Dr. Gruber, before he died.” Meg knew the story, heard it through the grapevine, but no one knew any details.

Gruber was a brilliant doctor, though. She had read his most recent paper on brain death, and all the other ones he wrote a lot in New York. A page turner, Gruber—by medical paper standards, at least.

“So, you studied death?” She asked. His ears perked up again.

“Yes, I have.” Well dressed, prim and curt. Fun. I'll love having him in class.

“Alan,” a third voice filled the place, coming from the adjacent room, the one where he no doubt had been procuring a corpse from. Meg involuntarily twisted her nose and pretended she had an itch. She stopped on his feet. “Nice to see you down here, Ms. Halsey.”

“Well I'm glad, cause here I am, every Tuesday.” Next time tell him when you go out to do your laundry.

“Definitely more than your father comes down here. We haven't been seeing him in a while.”

“I was just showing our newest student, Herbert West here, the not-so-grand-tour.” He always made that joke when he brought people down. Meg saw him do it at least twice and heard about it four other ones. “This should interest you, Carl. He worked with Hans Gruber.” While her dad introduced Hill, and all of his prowess to get research grants somehow, probably with that freaky pen he carried, Meg was thinking briefly about how was Herbert West working for Gruber, fully, even as a student.

“I know your work Dr. Hill. Quite well.” Meg raised her head. “Your theory on the location of the will in the brain is… Interesting, though derivative of Dr. Gruber's research in the early 70s.”

She knew that. She needed a dictionary to read his most obscure work, but German and English were similar enough, she got by.

“So derivative, in fact, that in Europe it's considered plagiarized. And your support of the 12 minute limit on the life of the brain stem after death…”

“...Six to twelve minutes, Mr…?”

Meg wanted to leave.

“West. Herbert West. Frankly, Dr… Hill? Your work on brain death is outdated.”

“Carl,” her dad interrupted and Meg looked away from the scene. Frankly, Hill gave her the creeps, sort of, and seeing him that angry was unpleasant. Suck it up, ok? You know him since you were at least twelve, it's fine.

You were always soft.

“...Megan and I would love it if you came to dinner.” Wait what?

“What?” She repeated out loud. Herbert turned his bright hazel, poisonous eyes towards her. She straightened her back. “I'm sorry, dinner? When?

“Thursday,” West answered for the others. He put his hands on his hips. “Maybe pushing bodies around really isn't for someone as small as you, Ms. Halsey.”

“I'm fine.”

“You might kill yourself.”

“Dad, dinner, Thursday? I'm not sure I can make it.”

What else are you gonna do? Your friends don't talk to you anymore since you left for New York to hang out with feminists, artists, and bohemians, leaving them here with babies and husbands.

“Well, I'm sure you'll make an exception,” Hill said, looking straight at her. “A lovely, amazing student such as yourself should take some time off every now and then. Celebrate.” She hated when he looked straight at her. She could feel her dad and West observing in the sidelines.

“Sure,” Meg found herself saying, hands tight against the steel of the gurney, knuckles turning white. “I'll cook.”

You'll what?!

“Fantastic,” Hill finished, looking at Herbert next. “I'll see you in class, mr. West. Ms. Halsey.” He nodded his head and she smiled, closing her eyes.

Both Hill and her father left in what seemed to be a dream sequence, no doubt discussing the grant, and the autopsy room was silent once again.

Her head was throbbing. The walls and floors were gray, there was a corpse rotting in their midst, Meg took a deep breath—chemical and invigorating somehow.

“I take it you don't like Dr. Hill either.” She looked at West, whose eyes still shone. He approached her, footsteps echoing out. “How did you know I was studying death?”

“I'm a doctor, Mr. West. I read,” she released the gurney, feeling tired for the meal she'd have to cook, on top of studying. There was a beat before she could stop herself from asking “What happened between you and dr. Gruber?”

“What do you mean?” A slight twitch, a small movement of the lips. “Dr. Gruber had a lab accident that I was unfortunately too late to prevent.”

“I heard he was in his office when he died.” Another twitch.

“I'm sure you heard it wrong, with all due respect ms. Halsey.”

Chemical smells, corpses rotting, the smell of something burning—Hill's pen no doubt left crisp black flesh behind, and he did it on enough people in the morgue proper that it got to where she was. She looked at West for almost long enough she'd probably have his exact face and pose at that moment committed to memory, forever.

He looked at her, waiting for something to happen.

Her hands hurt from grasping the gurney for so long.

“I'm not doing so great, sweetie…” She had said. Two men talking behind her. Her dad and Hill were gone. West was there.

“I'm sorry I asked,” Meg finally gathered, headache suddenly subsiding, like it never was. “Sorry for your loss, he must have been a wonderful mentor.” West bowed slightly and Meg did the same before turning around and going through the doors.

[dannyo000]

Dbf!Joel👀 made by me!

[helix-enterprises117]

Halo Reloaded: Halsey & Life In The Spartan Program

It's been a minute since I did a simple discussion about things in my AU, so here we go.

Halsey, like in-canon, is a brilliant scientist with a vision for the human-race, but isn't terribly interested in directing said vision; UNLIKE in-canon, Halsey didn't kidnap any of the kids to join her program (and any time I've said 'kidnap,' or any variation thereof, in the any past posts, you can ignore), NOR is the Spartan-Program her idea. The original Orion-Project was created shortly after the start of the Human-Covenant War and fell through not long before the Spartan-II Program/Project Orion-II, which had been around before Halsey's involvement, saw production. Halsey was merely the right woman for the job, and whole idea is ONI's; specifically, Admiral Parangosky's.

Halsey had visited various Outer-Rim planets and discussed with the parents of her future students about the school that they'll be taken to. A real (if VERY clandestine) military-academy that seeks to train these kids into future heroes, NOT SOLDIERS, HEROES, that'll stop The Covenant from destroying humanity; and she eases the parents' minds by telling them that they can see their kids (via video-call, since physical visits are prohibited on the basis that the location of the school is top secret) at anytime they'd like AND their children won't immediately be sent out to war, as training is a long 8-year process (further helped that Halsey, despite being more morally up-right than her canon-self, doesn't feel too good about this herself). John Downes, later designated as John-117, was the only kid she took in that was from Eridanus-II; everyone else came from other planets like Madrigal, Harvest and Jericho. No Flash-Clones or any kidnapping needed!

Basically, it's Ender's Game, that's what this is. These kids weren't taken against their will; it's why all of my Spartans in this AU are so much more well-adjusted than in-canon.

[onceuponaweirdo]

This is the most random thing I've stumbled across on AO3. The fuck is Samuel L. Jackson doing there? Narrating all the fucking?

[nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings]

I love you Taylor Swift I love you Noah Kahan l love you Halsey I love you Crane Wives I love you Lorde I love you Mother Mother I love you Phoebe Bridgers and speaking of which I love you Boygenius I love you Lizzy McAlpine I love you Olivia Rodrigo I love you Hozier I love you The Amazing Devil I LOVE YOU TAYLOR SWIFT

[sophiatauruslife]

Song Moodboard: Jessamine and Archie (from my original "Twilight" fanfiction, "Midnight")

Graveyard by Halsey

"Oh, it's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies."

[scarfaceone97-blog]

Wing The Belkan War

Also I made this Sing 2 Fanfiction crossover with Ace Combat called Wing:The Belkan War. It has @tiredandlonelymuse character Porsha Crystal as Yuri Lowenthal's character from Ace Combat Zero "Solo Wing Pixy", so I called her "Solo Wing Porsha" and it is an amazing fanfiction I wrote on wattpad. I hope you like it y'all.

[the0verboss]

[justmeinadaze]

Finally/Beautiful Stranger (Steddie X You)

A/N: Part of this AU, you don't have to have read the others to understand but it helps!

Also, please feel free to donate or buy me a coffee. Anything helps but of course you don't have to. I will still love you :)

Warnings: Former Addicts Steddie X Fem Y/N, SMUT, slight spanking, dirty talk, very light DOM dynamics touched on, mentions of lose of virginity (as well as the pain that comes along with the first time), FLUFF, These three people love each other very much and all three are happier compared to previous chapters. The talk about their new lives and careers with pride <3.

ANGST, dark themes!! of addiction and recovering addicts explored. Not new for this series but again this one is much lighter than the others. They both discussing cravings and Eddie having a slip a few months prior. Steve works at a center with children of addicts and one boy has a similar situation to Y/N's accident so she helps him through that.

The boys mention regrets including being aggressive with the reader verbally and sometimes physically when they weren't sober so DOMESTIC ABUSE TRIGGER.

There are flashbacks of them as kids so mentions of Eddie and Steve dealing with their toxic dads.

I think that's it! As always go carefully in this AU and if you choose not to read that is ok. I will still love you!

Word Count: 8358

1974

You winced as you landed back first on to the gravel underneath where you had fallen from the jungle gym. 

“Oh wow! Are you okay?!” A set of hands gripped your biceps as they helped you get to your feet. “You have some stuff on your dress. Let me…” The boy’s voice trailed off as you felt him dust off the nature that stuck to your outfit. 

“Thank you.”, you mumbled as you turned to meet your hero, coming face to face with honey brown eyes and a comforting smile. 

“You’re welcome. Are you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse or…?”

“No. I think I’m okay. My, uh, back broke my fall.” You grin when he laughs. “I’m Y/N.”

“Steve.”

“Harrington?”

“Um, yeah?”

“No! Don’t mean to sound mean. The girls in my class think you’re cute. They never shut up about you.”

The boy laughs harder and your grin grows at the sight of his scrunched nose. 

“I have no idea why. I’m not that great.”

“I don’t know. I mean…I think you are.” Steve blushes at your answer and you reach out to grab his hand leading him towards the swing set. 

The two of you talk casually about things normal children your age talk about like tv shows and music. Shouting suddenly grabs your attention causing you to slow to a stop as a boy runs around the corner and heads towards you both.

“FREAK! THIS ISN’T OVER!”

“Thomas Hagan!”, a teacher yells, blocking him with her body so he can’t follow. 

The boy pauses as he leans against pole of the swings trying to catch his breath. 

“Are you alright?” He jumped as your hand reached out to touch his arm as he held them up defensively. “Hey. Hey, it’s ok. We won’t hurt you. I’m Y/N and this is Steve.” His chocolate eyes scanned you both over before finally sighing in relief when he realized you weren’t a threat.

“What’s your name?”

“E-Eddie. Eddie Munson.”

“Oh! You’re the kid that just started here. I’m sorry, man. Welcome to hell.”, Steve joked causing an exasperated laugh to leave Eddie’s lips. 

“Did Tommy do that to you?”, you ask as you gesture towards his black eye.

Shaking his head, he came over to sit on the swings beside you both. 

You couldn’t explain it at the time, not even now, but as you sat there talking to them you felt comfortable. You felt like you had known them your entire life. Nothing in this moment could have prepared you for the future that was headed towards you all. 

##########

1993

“Where up north are you, Stevie?”, Eddie asks as he takes a big bite of the burger in front of him. 

“I’ve been up in Detroit for a few months now working at a youth clinic. There’s a lot of good kids there who just need some help.”

“I’m proud of you, dude. We’re supposed to head over there to record with this big time producer. What about you, princess? Where do you call home?”

“I don’t actually have a home right now. I’m a writer for a music magazine so I’ve been on the road mostly for the past 2 years listening to bands and staying in hotels.”, you giggle as a huge smile adorns your face. “Maybe soon I’ll get to write about you, Eddie.”

“Here’s hoping. We just got signed but the manager at the label says we ‘really have something’.”

“Of course you do. You guys were always amazing.”

“Pfft, yeah sure. Drugged out me could barely focus on the strings let alone create a melody.” 

The table went silent as a heavy energy fell around the table. 

“How have things been? Any cravings?”, Steve asks as he folds his arms to lean forward on his elbows. 

“Oh, Harrington. I’m an addict. I always have cravings but choose to resist them.”

“Has it gotten any easier. To resist them, I mean.”, you inquire.

“Yes and no. I mean I used to snort blow 24/7 and now I don’t. I can go about my day and live my life but when something hard hits me or I’m having a bad day I have to physically talk myself out of not looking for a fix.”

“I can understand that. There were a few days where I sat outside of bar staring at the front door for hours before driving away.” His eyes flick towards you as he continues. “I still struggle with regret… regret that we…ruined your life.”

“You didn’t ruin my life. You definitely didn’t make it easy but… I should have left or cut ties beforehand. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know how…to live without you two in my life.”

“Yeah. We get that to.”, Eddie sighed as a silence fell around the table. 

It had been a long time since the three of you had been together without the vices getting in the way or taking control. You had no idea how to be around them when they were sober. 

“Hey, uh, I have an idea if you two would be up for it.”, Steve grins as he tries to elevate the mood again. “Since the two of us will be in Detroit, why don’t you come with us, honey? Maybe the three of can hang out and spend some time together again. You’re even welcome to stay at my place. I don’t have a spare room but, Y/N, you can take my bed and the two of us can sleep in the living room or something.”

“Oh, Steve, I don’t want to impose—”

“No. No imposition whatsoever!”

“I can do that.”, Eddie confirms. 

“Ok. I’m ok with that.”

They both heavily exhale as if they had been holding their breath waiting for your answer. 

#########

1976

After getting into a fight with his father, Steve ran to your house knowing you’d make everything better. As soon as he showed up, you called Eddie who biked over as quickly as he could and after he arrived, you both listened intensely as the boy vented. 

“Everything’s going to be ok, Steve. You know you’re welcome to stay here.”, you try and soothe the boy as you wrap your arms around his shoulder. 

“Why am I never enough for that asshole?!”

“Because he’s just that; an asshole.”, Eddie quips making the other boy softly smile in his direction. 

“I should just do whatever I want to since I can never make him happy.”

“That’s a good idea. Oh! I’ll be right back.”, the boy grins at you both before running up your stairs. 

“Steve, you ARE amazing. I’m sorry he can’t see that but no matter you have us.” Grabbing his face, you kiss his cheek causing him to blush. 

Music starts to play and you both look up to see Eddie coming down the stairs with your bulky radio in his hand. Placing it on the bottom step, he stagers around in place as he begins to lip sync the lyrics. 

“I'll state my case, of which I'm certain I've lived a life that´s full I've traveled each and every highway And more, much more than this I did it my way.”

The guitar starts to play and Eddie pretends to strum as he jumps to the ground, continuing to sing as he dances around you both. 

“Regrets, I’ve had a few But then again, too few to mention I did, what I had to do And saw it through without exemption.”

Grabbing Steve’s hand, you do the same, dancing to the music as you three sing along.

“I planned each chartered course Each careful step along the highway And more, much more than this I did it my way.”

Eddie spins you and you laugh as you watch wide smiles paint their faces. You loved them both so much and knew after everything they go through they deserved happy, peaceful moments like this. To you, they deserved the world. 

***

The flight up to Detroit was uneventful but Steve did fill the time by telling you about some of the kids at the clinic he worked at while Eddie crashed beside him. His eyes lit up as he spoke, telling you about the turnaround a lot of them had made and how talented they all were. 

“Amanda is such a smart girl. She’s 15 and she can draw these beautiful pictures. I’m working on seeing if I can book a gallery or something for her to show her work. Right now, she draws for her mother works two jobs to help take care of them because the dad is a junkie.”

“What kind of things does she draw?”

“She can do portraits and people. She drew me once as this like superhero. I have the picture on my fridge.”

“That’s amazing.”, you beam up at him as he smiles to himself. “Steve, I really am proud of you…of both of you.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”, he softly grins as his gaze shifts towards his lap. “I’m very proud of you as well. I’m glad you found something that makes you happy. When we were growing up you had mentioned writing before.”

“Yeah. I never knew what I wanted to write about but one day a guy I was dating overheard me talking about grunge metal and offered me a job.”

“Hm. Are you two still together?”

“Uh, no. We only dated for a couple of months. I’m not with anyone right now. No time.”, you chuckle trying to lighten the mood again. “What about you? Any future Mrs. Harringtons?”

“No. No future Mrs. Harringtons. I kind of spent time focusing on me and now the kids.”

“You have to be careful with that. You don’t want to fill one addiction with a new one and miss life entirely. I’m guilty of that those first three years after I left.”

***

You and Eddie enter Steve’s apartment slowly as you take a look around. It was a bit smaller than what you were used to when it came to him but he made it his own. There were posters of bands he enjoyed along the walls with some shelves lined with books he had read. In the corner of his living room was a desk with a few papers and pictures clients had drawn him over the years. A frame caught your eye and you bent down to get a good look as you took in his sobriety coins.

“Yeah, I, uh, bought one of these little frame things because it felt disrespectful to just throw them somewhere.”

“That’s amazing, dude.”, Eddie praised as he threw down his bag. “I, uh, I had an incident a few months back. I’m on the blue 6 month one but…”

“What happened, Ed?”

“Oh, um, nothing we need to get into, sweetheart. I did the proper protocol with my sponsor and she helped get me back on track.”

Steve patted his back comfortingly, knowing how hard it was and is to remain sober. Gesturing you down his hallway, he led you towards his bedroom and you grinned at the simplicity. 

“The bathroom is right in there and please both of you feel free to take anything from the kitchen. Me casa es su casa.”, he chuckles as he nervously runs his hands through his hair. “Sorry, that was cheesy.”

“Steve, you guys don’t have to try so hard. Just be yourselves.”

“That’s the thing isn’t it?”, Eddie sighs from his spot against the wall. “The three of us don’t exactly know who we are together anymore.”

You gently smile in his direction as you reach for his hand.

“We’re best friends. Always have been.”

######################

1980

“Eddie, why does that sound familiar?”, you grin from your spot on his bed where you had been listening to him strum his new guitar his uncle bought him at the pawn shop in town. 

After his run in with the lady in town today, Rick offered him something from his secret stash. He was amazed at how fast it began working, numbing the anger he was feeling and pushing him to a blissful state he didn’t want to experience alone.  

Grinning, he continues to move his fingers as his gentle voice fills your ears. 

“Baby, if I think about you I think about love Darlin', if I live without you I live without love.”

“They’ve been playing it on the radio nonstop.”, he chuckles, rolling his eyes.

“You sound amazing. I can’t wait to see you on that stage one day.”

“Pfft. Me? Al Munson’s trailer trash kid rocking it out on stage making millions of dollars and being successful?”

 Fueled with frustration, you grip his chin and force him to look at you. 

“Don’t ever let me hear you say anything like that again, Edward Munson. You are NOT trash and you’re nothing like your dad. You can be anything you want to be.”

“Yeah…tell that to people in this backwards town.”

“Fuck what these people think! I think you’re fantastic and so does Steve. You hung out with Rick today. I’m sure he thinks you’re an awesome friend.” Your eyes scan him over when all he does is nod. “Eddie, did something happen in town today? Did someone say something to you?”

His own beautiful, chocolate color hues stare past you for a moment before he blinks back into the moment and flashes you a big, tooth filled grin. 

“No, sweetheart. I guess I’m just feeling a little low today. I’m sorry.”

Running his fingers over the strings, he plays the song with much more vigor than before. 

“I would give you both night and day Love satisfyin'

Feel like makin' Feel like makin' love.”

“Mhmm. What do you know about makin’ love, Munson?”, you giggle allowing him to lighten the mood. 

“Oh, baby. I’m going to be a rockstar, remember? I know everything.”, he winks.

***

You smile as you sit in the booth watching Corroded Coffin play their music. Eddie was in a completely different zone as his fingers ran across the strings of his guitar. This was his dream; this is what he always wanted but always felt was out of reach. 

When he was in his drugged out haze you would watch him lazily try to play but stumble as his fingers trembled against the instrument. It killed you because you could always picture him on stage with a crowd full of people screaming his name. He just never believed it himself. 

“That was good, baby.”

“That was fucking garbage, Y/N. I barely played anything that would count as a note.”

“That was fantastic guys. Eddie, your band undersold your talent!”, the producer compliments making the metalhead blush. “Ok, let’s take lunch and we’ll come back in about an hour. There’s a cafeteria on the first floor if you guys are interested. It’s on me.”

“You sounded amazing.”, you grin as you meet him in the hallway. “I told you that you were going to be a rockstar one day.”

“Ha! I’m not quite there yet but thank you, sweetheart.”

After getting your food, you both sit and talk about the last couple of years. Eddie told you about some jobs he worked at in Indiana not wanting to be too far from the guys so they could practice and work on things together for the band. He mentioned Wayne and how well he was doing especially after being promoted to a higher position at his work. 

“He deserves it. Wayne always worked way too hard for almost no money and appreciation.”

“Tell me about it.”, he chuckles. “And of course, the first day he starts his new position, he gets a crush on one of the female employees underneath him!” 

That makes you laugh hard and he relishes the sound as his eyes watch you light up. That feeling of regret washes over him and he averts his gaze to his plate as he shuffles some food around.

“So, um, any rockstar boyfriends out there touring the world?”

“No, no boyfriend. I focused on myself more than anything and honestly haven’t had time for a full-blown relationship.”, you reply. “What about you? Any new girlfriends?”

“Naw, sweetheart. I’ve kind of been doing the same thing more or less.”, he answers sullenly. “Quite frankly, I haven’t met anyone who would be willing to sneak backstage of a Metallica show and pretend to be the building manager to get her boyfriend an autograph.”

This time when you laugh, he cackles with you and embraces the warm feeling that follows. 

“I told him it was for my kid.”, you blush. “God, hopefully I never have to write for them. I’ve been lucky so far but that will be an awkward exchange if they remember me!”

“Are you kidding, princess? You definitely leave an impression! Who could forget about you?” Eddie froze as he heavily exhaled and shook his head. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry…”

“No, Ed, it’s ok…”

“You would think I’d have this down by now but…”

You nod before you rise to your feet and get on his side of the table to sit beside him. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you lean your head on his shoulder as he reaches up to caress your arm.

#################

1980

Steve tenderly grins your way as he watches your eyes light up at the movie Kungfu you two had been watching. Well, you had been watching. He had been stuck in his own head after that ridiculous conversation with his dad. 

“Son, you’re about to start high school which means it’s time to really buckle down and focus. No more fucking around. If you want to run my company one day you can’t keep being lazy.”

While he had been talking there was a woman in his office waiting for him to give her attention. Her dress seemed way too tight and it inched up her thighs as she sat on top of his desk. Steve would never understand why his father cheated on his mother. To him, these women weren’t nearly half as pretty as her nor anywhere close to being as loyal as she was. 

His dad said he needed to ‘buckle down and focus’ but what he heard was ‘it’s time for you to start being like me’. 

Steve hadn’t planned on coming over but he felt weird after drinking the bottle he found. He thought booze were supposed to make you happy but he found himself feeling incredibly lonely. When he showed up unannounced, you opened your front door and eagerly ushered him with no hesitation. 

You always made them feel like they mattered. 

“Steve? Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m ok. Just thinking.”

“Did you want to watch something else? I put this on because I know the cheesy effects make you laugh.”, you giggle as his smile grows. 

“Naw, honey. This is fine. My dad was being…himself you know?”

“I know. You know you can always talk to me. I love you and I’m always here for you.”

Opening his arms wide, you fall into his embrace and he prays you don’t smell the liquor that lingers.

***

“Oh, wow. Look at you and you have your own shelf.”, you tease as Steve leads you into his office. 

After leaving Eddie so Corroded Coffin could continue recording, you headed to the center the other boy worked at so he could give you the “grand tour” as he called it. You grinned at the drawings and pictures he had posted everywhere around him. Multiple books and files were strewn out all over the place on his desk but a particular photo caught your eye. 

“Oh, um, yeah. I still keep that there as a reminder.”

Picking up the image of you three at the amusement park, you smile as you fall into the memory. They both seemed extremely content that day as if all their worries had disappeared. You thought about that day often to especially when you passed one on the tour bus you were riding in at the time. 

“The kids ask me about you two constantly.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Do you want to meet them?”

When you nod, his grin stretches across his face as he giddily grabs your hand and guides you to a much larger room where some kids were already sitting around waiting. 

“Mr. Harrington brought a date to group!”

“Look at Hugh Hefner over here!”

“’Bout time you settle down, old man!”

“Alright, alright. All of you settle down.”, Steve jokes as you laugh. “This is my friend from Hawkins I tell you guys about. This is Y/N.”

“You’re the girl he doesn’t shut up about.”, a young lady smiles. 

“That would be Amanda.”

“I know you. He told me all about you on the ride up here. Your work is amazing.”

“Thank you!”, she beams.

Taking a seat beside Steve, you watch as he conducts the group session, introducing each kid and responding where appropriate. You couldn’t help but marvel at his change as he took control and seemed way more confident than he ever did back home. 

There was no one he needed to impress or a “legacy” he needed to live up to. He could just be himself.

“Please, Katie. Trust me, your mom doesn’t fucking care. That’s why she drinks.”

“Derek.”, Steve warned. “That’s not how we talk to each other in here.”

Your eyes scanned over the boy across from you. He couldn’t be older than 17 but he seemed to carry years of anger and burden on his shoulders. His arms were folded tight around his chest; a barrier to protect him from anyone trying to get in. Emphasized by the oversized hoodie that he kept up over his head. 

You knew this boy; you had been him.

“What? Am I wrong? If she cared she’d stop fucking binge drinking every night and actually spend time with her daughter.”

“Who in your family drinks? Mom or dad?”

All eyes turn to you after you pose your question.

“My dad. Why? Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does. I know how hard it is…to have someone you love choose substances over you. It fucking hurts.”

“Look, I don’t need another adult to patronize to me, okay?”

“She’s not. If anyone understands what you guys are going through it’s Y/N. Especially you, Derek. Remember how I told you guys about my accident and DUI? Y/N was…was in the car with me.” Steve stumbles over his words before quickly trying to regain control again. 

“Hm. Did you rat him out? Is that why he’s clean now? Are you going to tell me I should be open and honest or some shit?”, the boy spat.

“No, I didn’t. I actually told the police I didn’t remember who was driving. Took a couple of weeks though because I needed surgery after metal from the car sliced through me. He never even came to the hospital.”

“Wow, Mr. Harrington. You were an asshole.”, a girl sighed. 

“I was wasted and terrified. I couldn’t face what I did to someone I loved.”

Derek’s eyes were suddenly glassy as he adjusted his body in his seat.

“He does love you, honey.”, you coo towards the boy as his bottom lip quivers. “If it were as easy as putting the bottle or drug down they would. Some people can but for others it’s so much harder. Whether they heal or not is ultimately up to them but no matter what happens, Derek, none of it is your fault.”

The young man sighs as he breaks down and the girl beside him wraps her arms around him as he cries. A palm touches yours and you turn your head to see Steve’s soft eyes taking you in. 

You see the never-ending apology within them as flashes of the old boy you knew before the booze pushed through before receding as he flashes you a gentle grin and lifts his hand. 

################

1983

“Guys, really? Do we have to eat all this before going on the rollercoaster?”, you giggle as you watch Eddie pour more cheese over the nachos in front of you three.

“Yes, sweetheart, we do.”, he answers in a serious tone as his tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth. 

“And the cherry on top.” 

Steve produces a cupcake from his side and places it in front of you as the metalhead pushes a candle through the top of the frosting. You smile as Steve cups his hands around it while Eddie pulls out his lighter and ignites the wick. 

“Now make a wish and blow out your candle.”

Your gaze shifts between their happy faces as they wait for you to complete the task. 

“I wish everyday could be like today.”

As you blow it out, both boys clap and cheer making you blush as Steve kisses your cheek. 

“Happy birthday, beautiful.”

Eddie leans over to take hold of your jaw and peck your lips before sitting back down. 

“Happy Birthday, princess. Now, you eat this while sire and I devour this here.”

“Why do I have to and she doesn’t?”

“Because it’s her birthday, Steven! No stop whining and say Ah!”

As the boy scowls he unhooks his jaw and Eddie shoves a chip into his mouth making you laugh as you lean against him. 

“Oh my god, you two are ridiculous! I love you so much.”

***

You laugh hard at the joke Eddie had made as Steve struggles to keep soda inside his mouth while he cackles with you. 

“I really missed you guys.”, the metalhead announces, his gaze shifting between you both. “I mean I’ve made a lot of new friends you know but I talk about the things we used to do like me doing Karaoke to make Steven laugh or you and I, Y/N, going to the horror movie marathon just outside of town.”

“I remember that. That was so much fun.”, you smile. 

“One of the things I enjoy about my job is interacting with those kids. Most of them are sarcastic as fuck like you, Ed, or extremely kind like, Y/N. Thank you for what you did with Derek today by the way. He struggles to talk about his relationships with anyone let alone about his dad.”

“May I ask what happened? You mentioned our accident…”

“Um, yeah. It was kind of the same thing. His dad hit a car with him in it while drunk, ran from the scene, and Derek took the blame. His dad begged him to before he bolted…kid was only 15.”

“Jesus.”, Eddie sighed. “Sounds like my dad.”

“He seems like a good boy. He’ll be okay.” You flash him a comforting grin and he can’t help but smile back. “I, um, I feel like we keep ignoring the elephant in the room. I want you to know I am genuinely so proud of you both. Steve I never imagined you’d be as confident as you seem now. You always told me you thought you were worthless and I know that’s because of your asshole dad. I watched for years as you lived in his shadow but were still so terrified of becoming him… Those kids don’t have to experience that because they have you now.”

“Eddie, you were always afraid of people abandoning you and numbed yourself constantly. When you were numb you were so angry and heartbroken. When I saw you playing your guitar again with your band… you finally seemed at peace.” 

Your voice cracked as a tear escaped your eye and you awkwardly laughed as you wiped it away. 

“That’s all I ever wanted for you two.”

“6 months ago… when I relapsed… I was in such a low place. My apartment I was staying in got robbed, I had just been let go from a job I was at, and this girl I was dating said she didn’t want to see me anymore. She said I was loser and it fucking hurt like hell. I felt so alone and it was almost like a dream. I barely even remember where I bought the drugs or how I got back home but as soon as it hit my nose I regretted it.”

“Y/N, I saw your face and everything I wished I could take back. The fights, the names, the pain… The way we talked to you.” He cringed as memories flashed through his mind.

“I get that. Of course, my biggest regret is the accident but the one I think about the most is the first time we were intimate when we…I…” You looked at Steve with sincere confusion not thinking anything of that night. Then again compared to all the others you had after it was just a blip in a chaotic timeline. “Y/N, honey, you lost your virginity on my couch after threatening to leave us because of the jugs of liquor you found in my trash.”

“We should have done it right. I picture us taking you to dinner and you’d be wearing that red dress we loved.”

“Yeah, that one floofed out above your knees kind of like a tutu.”, Eddie chuckled. “With your hair up in a ponytail so we could so your face. You always wore make up but you never needed to. You were…are… so beautiful.”

“How are you two dressed?”, you murmur their way.

“Let’s see. I’d probably have my jeans and black shirt but I would have made sure it was clean with little to no cigarette smell.”, the metalhead jests causing you two to let out a little laugh.

“I’d have worn jeans to but a nice polo shirt I think to go with it and that expensive cologne my dad kept buying me.”, he smirked. “We’d take you to Enzos because you deserve a nice meal but of course you would complain about the prices even though we insist it’s no problem.”

“Some soft music would be playing and we’d ask you to dance.”

Steve rises to his feet and messes with his stereo till a slow 70s song flows through his speakers. Extending his hand to you, you take it as he pulls you to your feet and places one of his palms on your lower back as he holds the other in the air. 

“Is this ok?”, he whispers under his breath, exhaling heavily in relief when you nod. “I would tell you about how I fell in love with you the first time I met you. You said all the girls in your class had a crush on me but I didn’t get it. I think I said something along of the lines ‘I’m not that great.’ And you said—”

“I don’t know. You seem pretty great to me.”

He tenderly smiles at your response before grabbing your hand to spin you and pass you to Eddie who was waiting with open arms. 

“I would have probably made a joke about the music saying that dancing to Dio is way better.” He smiles when you giggle. “I’d tell you that the first time I saw you I thought you were way too good for me. I remember you asked about my black eye my dad had given me and it surprised me. Every other adult already assumed or were afraid to ask, staring at me constantly. But you actually fucking cared.”

“Then what would happen?”

Eddie passed you back to Steve and this time you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your head against his chest. You didn’t see it but he and the metalhead exchanged a glance filled with slight worry as he held you and leaned his cheek on top of your head. 

“Y/N, honey—”

“You don’t have to answer. I can let you go, we can get ready for bed, and go back to being friends. We’ll always be at least that because I agree with Eddie. I miss you two so much but unlike the first time I left…I don’t feel bad about it.” 

Pulling away from him, you back up a bit to address them both. 

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been and you were right in the letter you left me. I had some more healing to do to. I needed to find out who I was without you and now that I figured that out…I want to see if…maybe…we can start over. I mean we’ve all grown so much and I’d like to get to know the two men in front of me.”

Their eyes continually scan over you, trying to understand and get a true read to make sure you’re alright.

“But like I said, you don’t have to. We can go back to laughing or go to sleep. If it makes you feel better, you taking my virginity that morning…I don’t remember it being a bad experience. Yeah it hurt but it was going to for me anyway and not just because I was virgin.”, you tease, smirking their way.

You were surprised when Eddie was the first to move, taking agonizingly slow steps till he was directly in front of you with his nose hovering just above your own. After blinking a couple of times, he pulled you into his embrace and you closed your eyes as you inhaled his signature smell while clinging your arms around him. 

“I love you.”, you whisper. As if your words were a match, they ignited the metalhead’s passion as his hands tilted your head back and he kissed your lips. As if muscle memory was taking over, you clung to his neck as you jumped up into his arms and his hands promptly took hold of your thighs as your legs wrapped around him. 

As he starts to carry you, his feet give out underneath him as he trips over something and you both tumble to the floor. He manages to keep himself from crushing you as his palms shoot out to catch himself on the hard wood. 

“Fuck! Shit, I’m so sorry. I forgot for a moment this wasn’t my place.”, he chuckles shakily. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”, you laugh.

“I feel like a fucking teenager. I’m actually…I don’t know…nervous.”

“Would it…make you feel better if I admitted I’m nervous to? It’s been a while for me and if I’m being honest I think I’ve only been with you guys sober that one time but that was after that intense session. We’ve never been together…like this.”

Wind moves your hair and you both turn to see Steve laying out one of his blankets with a couple of pillows on the floor. 

“I wish I had lost my virginity to you.”, he admitted. “I was wasted and I’m ashamed to say I don’t even remember the girl’s name. I think you’re the only girl…woman… I’ve been with sober.”

“I was half awake.”, Eddie sighed. “Karla something in the back of my van. I barely remember it either.”

“Were you rough with the other girls like you were me?”, you asked.

“Sometimes but you were the only one that seemed to enjoy it.”

“Did you?”, the metalhead asked. “We never even asked what you liked in bed. Just kind of did our own thing…”

“I did and I didn’t. I hated when we did it after a fight. Kind of like that night we went to Steve’s house after spending time at The Hideout. Eddie said I wanted to fuck Andrew and Steve, you got mad at me because I defended you in front of your dad. You said I butted in and made things worse. You both said you were going to use me one last time before I abandoned you.”

“And I choked you too hard…”

“Sometimes if you both were angry enough the line would blur.”

Steve’s head hung knowing he was the culprit of most of your verbal sparring matches with him. He cringed every time he thought about the awful things he had said to you while drunk. 

Scooting closer to him, your hand reached out to grab his chin lifting his face so you could see his eyes. 

“I love you to.” The man sighed as your thumb caressed his bottom lip. “Show me the men you are now.”

When his lips connected with yours, you wanted to cry because for the first time in a long time you felt safe. Your tongues mingled together as his hips grinded down against yours eliciting a soft moan as you turned your head to find Eddie. Steve’s mouth continued to travel to your neck as he clung to you, your fingers threading through his hair as the metalhead leaned down to kiss the other side. 

Kisses and stolen touches were exchanged as clothes were removed, you not wanting them to be too far for very long as their lips refamiliarized them with your body. Lifting your legs open wide over both their hips, you mewled as their fingers ran delicately up your thighs. 

“This is what we should have done.”, Steve whispered in your ear. “We should have taken our time with you; made you feel more comfortable.”

“Made you feel good and help prepare you.”, Eddie added as he tenderly kissed your cheek and the side of your face. 

When his thick fingers slide into your core, your eyes rolled as your head dipped back. Both your palms ran along cocks and the sound of their groans in your ears had you clenching tightly around his digits. When Steve joined his friend and massaged fast circles into your clit, you knew you wouldn’t last long.

“Fuck, please. Just like that.”

They each grinded against you, desperate for relief as the sound of your slick filled the room as they picked up their pace. 

“That’s it, honey. Cum for us.”

“We got you, pretty girl.”

Your body trembled as you came, your lips searching for theirs as their fingers guided you through. 

“Fuck, that was sexy.”, Steve panted against your lips as he maneuvered himself on top of you. “Wait, fuck, do I need…I may have some condoms somewhere…”

“No. It’s ok. I’m still on the pill.”

Softly grinning down at you, he places a peck on your lips before trailing kisses along your cheek and to your ear. 

“We should have asked that first time. We didn’t even bother. We were so afraid you really were going to leave…”, he whispered. Reaching between your bodies, he gripped the base of his cock and gradually guided it into your core. “Oh my God, Y/N.”

Steve groans as your pussy stretches to accommodate his size and the memory of that evening smacks into you like a ton of bricks. 

“Steve, you’re so big. It won’t fit—”

“It will, honey, I promise…”

“Just go slow and keep talking to me.”

“No, no, baby. You’re ok. Eddie, fuck, can you—”

“Are you ok, sweetheart?”

“Hurts.”

“Hey, are you alright? I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Tears start to fall from your eyes but as the man lifts himself up to pull out and comfort you, you wrap your arms around him to hold him to you. 

“I’m ok. Don’t stop, please, and don’t stop talking to me. You feel so good… I just…I love you.”

His heart flutters at your admission every time he hears you say it. They both thought they had lost you forever and rightfully so but to know they have a chance… they weren’t going to waste it this time. 

Steve slowly began pumping his hips, relishing the feeling of you clinging to him again. 

“I love you to, baby. This is how I should have taken you that first time, nice, slow, and—fuck—so deep. Your pussy so fucking tight as it pulls me in. I can feel you everywhere, Y/N, you’re so warm and wet. You take my cock so well…such a good girl.”

Your eyes rolled as you clenched at the name. With anyone else you had been with you never allowed them to play rough or tell you things like how good of a girl you were or anything like that. It reminded you of them and truth be told you only really believed it when they said it. You didn’t want to push them but you wanted them to know it was ok to be a bit more passionate when it came to you. 

“I’m your good girl?”, you whimper making him moan. 

“Fuck, yeah, honey. You’re our good girl.”

“Then fuck me like a good girl deserves, Steve.” As his head falls between your neck and shoulder, your fingers cling to his hair as he thrusts his cock into you a bit harder than before. “That’s it. Just like that.”

Your eyes swiveled to look for Eddie, finding him beside you both stroking his length as he waited. The sight drove you wild as the other man moved at a faster rhythm, pounding into that sensitive spot inside you that had your jaw going slack. 

“Please…please, Steve. I’m gonna cum.”

Reaching for your hands, he pinned them above your head as he held them in his own, intertwining his fingers with yours as he sucked little marks on to your neck. 

The coil in your belly snapped as you repeatedly moaned his name, his lips hastily meeting yours to swallow your moans as he chased his high. 

“Can I swallow your cum, baby? Please?”

He doesn’t respond as his eyes stare into your own but as his hips sputter he quickly pulls out of you and crawls up your body to push his dick into your awaiting mouth. His fingers tangle in your hair as you bob your head and he mewls as he spills his release down your throat. 

As he backs away from you, you sit up and kiss his lips, his palms cupping your face as he holds you close to him. After caressing his cheek and silently assuring him you were alright, you shimmed your way to the metalhead and wrapped your arms around his neck as he adjusted himself till you were sitting on top of him straddling his waist. 

“It was my first time with the woman I loved and I didn’t even get to see your face.”, Eddie murmured as his hands traveled down your sides to rest on your thighs. “I barely even checked in to make sure you were ok.”

As he spoke, you continued to look down at him as you dragged your pussy lips along his cock.

“I should have had you on top of me just like this so I could see you and you could see me. See that beautiful face scrunch right here when you slide me in.” He smiles when you giggle as he pokes your forehead. “Fuck, Y/N, I missed a lot of things but nothing more than your laugh, sweetheart.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you tilted down to kiss his lips and his palms clung to the base of your neck as you guided your hips down onto his length. 

“I love you, Eddie.”

“Mmm—I love you to, pretty girl.” Subtly bouncing on top of him, you both mewled as his tip hit that soft spot repeatedly. “There you go, princess. Still so fucking tight.”

Your eyes searched his face as he licked his lips and arched his neck, the veins along his throat making you moan. 

“Spank me.”, you plead as your nose grazes his. “I promise it’s ok.”

His eyes fully open, meeting your own as you place his hands on your behind. Gauging your reaction, he kneads your meaty flesh as he guides your movements.

“Fuck, baby. You look so sexy riding my dick. Make yourself cum. I want to feel your pussy squeezing me.”

Bouncing as hard as you can, your head falls on his shoulder as his palm spanks your ass and he feels your warm breath heat his skin. 

“A-Again, Eddie. Just like that.”

Ring laced fingers take hold of the back of your neck as his other arm circles around your waist to hold you still as he plants his feet and thrusts up into you meeting your motions with a hard one of his own. 

“Like that, Y/N? That the spot? I know, sweetheart, I got you.”

That wasn’t the first time he had ever said those words to you but this was the first time you ever believed him. 

“Say it again.”

His head turned slightly to kiss your temple as he softly murmured his last sentence till you tumbled over the ledge and he spanked you again as he helped you ride your high. Leaning back on your knees, he followed you and you hugged his head to your chest as you rolled your hips till you felt him warm your insides. 

His lips roamed your skin as he guided your sweaty bodies on your sides. A second set of welcomed kisses glided along your shoulder blade as you felt yourself slowly drift off into bliss. 

###############

1982

“Fuck, why am I nervous? We’ve known her since like 4th grade.”, Steve hyped himself up as they sat outside your door in his car. 

“Yeah, but this is different. We’ve never looked at her that way before and vice versa.”, Eddie sighed.

“I mean…I always thought she was beautiful. I just…what would a perfect girl like that want with an asshole like me?”

“Steve, you’re not a…well you’re a little bit of an asshole.”, the metalhead teases making his friend laugh. “I get it though. She’s perfect to me to and deserves more than some trailer trash felon’s kid.”

As his hands begin to shake, he reaches into his leather jacket for his pack of cigarettes.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m ok. I just haven’t had a hit all day and I’m jumpy. I wanted to be sober for our first date with her.”

Steve smiled at his friend as he flashes him his jacket pocket. 

“Same. No flask or any alcohol.” Eddie nodded as he patted the man’s shoulder. “You’re not trailer trash, Munson. I hope you know that. You’ve been my best friend to and I’ve never once seen you that way. I love ya, man.”

“Aw. I love you to, Harrington.”, he replies in a high pitch sing song voice before glancing out the window. “Thank you. I don’t know where I’d be without you guys.”

Grinning, they both hop out of the car and knock on your door, their jaws dropping when you greet them in a beautiful blue dress they had never seen on you before. 

“Wow, you two look handsome.”

“We don’t look half as good as you. Oh my god.”, Steve compliments making you blush. 

Eddie extends his arm like he had seen so many times in movies, his smile widening when you loop your own through it and lean over to kiss his cheek. 

#############

You woke up to the sound of beeping as your eyes opened in search of the noise. Steve groaned as he rolled over, blindly searching before holding up his watch, and pushing the button to silence it. 

“Do you have to go to work?”, you whisper, smiling when he shakes his head and turns back onto his side reminding you of the little boy who used to do sleep overs with you in elementary school. 

As you try to face him as well, you realize a tattooed arm is laying across your chest and glance over to see Eddie on his tummy with his messy hair blocking his face. Tenderly, you reach over to move it to the side, rousing him from sleep as he scrunches his nose and blinks before pulling you closer to him till his nose was pressed against your cheek. 

The first time you met him his hair was extremely short and he had bruises everywhere. When he came to your house, you could tell he felt out of place but you extended your hand and allowed him to hold it if he felt uncomfortable. Those first couple of times he stayed over, you would wake up with the back of his palm near yours. 

Fingers tracing your skin bring you back to the present as your eyes meet Steve’s and he smiles as he runs them up your arm and down your stomach. Your breathing hitches when you feel the tips along the scar on your stomach. 

“Does it still hurt?”

“Sometimes…when it rains or snows… or when I dream about it…” His amber eyes scan your face as you continue. “Those are the two experiences I think about a lot still. You two screaming at each other before leaving me and finding Eddie ODed…”

The man’s thumb caressed your skin as he kissed your skin.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“I meant what I said before that night two years ago. I forgive you both. This past week just hearing and seeing how far you two have come… I loved you both so much but I never felt safe. Last night and right now… I feel like it’s finally safe for me to let go and trust you again. If you want that…if you want me…”

Eddie’s lips abruptly crash to your own before kissing your nose and up to your forehead. 

“I love you so much, Y/N. I will always want you, baby. I promise you ARE safe with me. I got you.”

Steve lightly grips your chin, turning you to face him as he kisses your lips as well. 

“I love you, honey, and you are all I’ve ever wanted. You’re safe with me to and you both are more than welcome to stay here or we can look for a bigger place. Whatever we have to do, I’m in.”

You held them both to you as the tears began to flow, thankful that your lives would no longer be trapped in memories but new beginnings with the two people you loved the most and loved you. 

################

[authortobenamedlater]

Oh, and even tho I know nothing about b5, Half baked B5Halo has me INTRIGUED.

(Hey @infinityactual you might find this interesting re: our conversation this morning.)

Send me WIP asks.

So. This got LONG. Sorry not sorry.

This not-story has the working title “For Such a Time As This” owing to a scene in my head where Delenn says “Perhaps the universe has brought us all together for such a time as this.”Appropriating Bible verses for the Minbari, oh yeah.

Right now this document is just a collection of ideas about how these universes might interact, and a few scenes/ideas. Such as:

- Infinity’s communications officer falls and breaks her nose when they crash out of slipspace. Lasky is shoving gauze at her when Babylon 5 makes contact. He shows up on the station with blood all over his uniform and his first conversation with Sheridan is something like “Do you have laundry around here? Also, what year is it?”

-Garibaldi and Palmer have to chase Halsey around the station. They bond over a shared love for Loony Toons. Palmer is a Roadrunner and Coyote girl, change my mind.

- Franklin is utterly furious when he finds out about the Spartan program. And that’s just the IVs. He doesn’t even know about the IIs.

- Lasky is insanely envious that B5’s computer can turn the attitude OFF and that cryo is not widely used in their world.

- Ivanova and Palmer become besties and give their respective captains a few headaches.

- Garibaldi wants to keep the Spartans because WOW are they useful for security.

- Various Halo characters grappling with the “who are you/what do you want” questions (I have ideas about this I will save for another post).

- What a fight with the Shadows might look like with Infinity in the mix. Seeing as Infinity is more powerful than anything in the B5 world. Sheridan and Lasky would make a fascinating team, too.

- How the Shadows would end up using Halsey, because even she couldn’t outwit them, and the trouble she could make in another universe.

- Lasky muses at some point how Babylon 5 gives him hope that one day humans and aliens can all work together peacefully; maybe the UEG should give something like this a shot. Palmer tells him, “You know they’d want you to run it” and Lasky is like F—- NO.

Now, all my reasons for why this epic will never make it out of my head:

Altering the B5 storyline (namely having to scrap the tensions with Earth for simplicity’s sake) would feel to me like sacking the Jerusalem temple.

I’d need to know even MORE about B5 lore than I already do, not like I’d have a problem with that research project, and a whole lot more about Halo than I do. On that last point, I am married to a walking Halopedia who would gladly tell me everything and then some.

There’s also the matter of having to make several OCs for the Halo side. Aside from Lasky, Palmer, and Roland, we don’t meet many of the Infinity crew. Does Lasky even have a first officer? I mean, he obviously does, but does he ever talk to this person? We got through all of Spartan Ops and Halo 5 with nary an XO in sight.

Finally, silly as this may sound, I’m no Straczynski and don’t trust myself with his characters and universe. I have no problem taking a sledgehammer to Halo because it’s great and fun and sometimes just mind-bogglingly stupid. But B5 is so brilliant I can’t bring myself to touch it. I would be scared of incurring the wrath of my fellow fans and also probably feel like I had to write JMS a letter of apology.

—

I WAS going to post a snippet from this mess of an AU but I’ll put it in a reblog later to keep this post from getting even longer.

[lhhsluttybae]

Antithesis [H.S. Fanfic]

Hi guys,

If you're into fanfics and Harry Styles, I HIGHLY recommend you to read my dear friend story "Antithesis", on Wattpad. She just posted the first chapter.

I was lucky enough to witness the very beginning of this idea, and seeing it turn into this... I couldn't be prouder!

We have love, hate, crime, motorcycles, dar romance, smut, music, and much more.

It's gonna be a HELL of a RIDE!

If you have time, check it out on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/351776824-antithesis

You won't regret it!

[sillywoman01]

Chapter 3 of 'Waiting For The Stars to Fall' now posted on A03 and Fanfiction.net

Included my Sketch / drawing of Ben Solo and Rey. I realize they came out looking nothing like the actors and Rey looks like Halsey for some reason.

Story Summary:

Rey Johnson feels like she finally is part of a family at 17 when she goes to live with her best friend Kaydel. She especially loves spending time with Kaydel’s older cousin, Ben Solo. She develops feelings for Ben over the two-year period that she lives there but is scared of how he will react when she tells him how she feels. She finally works up the courage to reveal to Ben that she is in love with him but before she can tell him, he reveals that he is engaged to a woman that Rey knew nothing of. She is devastated and decides to cut Ben out of her life to avoid further heartbreak.

Eight years later, while working at an advertising firm, Rey is sent to woo a potential client at the Solo agency and reunites with Ben. He is now divorced, and Rey is now engaged to Finn. Rey is forced to make a decision about her future and if she sees Ben as a part of that future.

Chapter Summary: Rey meets Finn for the first time while at work. Ben confronts her about running away from his family’s home and from him.

[ladybirdmacbeth]

fic writers be like hmmmm I can’t choose between these two epigraphs, lemme include both. and it’s Kafka and Halsey

[commandergraysonorville]

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: The Orville (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kelly Grayson & Ed Mercer (The Orville), Kelly Grayson/Ed Mercer Characters: Kelly Grayson (The Orville), Admiral Halsey (The Orville), Admiral Perry (The Orville), Ed Mercer (The Orville) Additional Tags: Prequel, Romance, Post-Divorce, Anniversary Summary:

Kelly Grayson deals with her first wedding anniversary after the divorce.