lovelufian

[lovelufian]

So I spoke the word "legumes" to myself for no reason as "leh-GOOMS" and I laughed so much I started coughing.

I no longer know how did I get a relationship by being like this.

[lovelufian]

"He said to me back then, 'I'll always be your knight'."

"He can say that because he's a knight."

"Yep. I just find it funny that he had to say that."

"Okay then. I'll always be... your thief."

[lovelufian]

Partner and I might be matching in something unexpected

My partner told me before that he's a woman in the body of a man, and that he has a woman's taste.

Recently he told me that he has always suppressed the fact the he feels and thinks like a woman. When we addressed this and encouraged him to show it more and not suppressed (because I'm experiencing the same thing in the opposite direction), he became more patient, less aggressive to my questions, became more appreciative, and has listened to me more in taking care of himself. He said he's been listening to the woman inside him more now since listening to himself as a man has always ended up getting him into trouble (since it always had something to do with aggression or violence).

He was asked me if I'm saying I don't know who he is when I started affirming his suppressions. I said I don't know, but we'll see.

He grew up in a very conservative environment and was taught that to show violence is manly, so he had always rode through that fact.

Note that I only use he to respect the fact that he still prefers to be addressed this way, as he's still unsure about himself at the moment.

I'm a man in the body of a woman, he's a woman in the body of a man, I don't know... I think it's a good match. But if you think I'm gonna put him to a certain direction to match better, no, I don't try to push him to any direction, I just let him listen to himself, and let him see how he really feels inside.

[lovelufian]

When I was in highschool one of my classmates sat on my leg while applying my makeup (I'm bad at face cosmetics) for our graduation photoshoot. She sat like that for a while I'm doing my eyebrows.

That moment awakened something in me and whatever that thing was has never went back to sleep ever since.

I have no regrets.

[lovelufian]

So uhm... I'm finally doing it. After so many years.

I'm secretly getting baptized.

I know, weird. But let's just say one of my parents follows another religion so hard that they cry whenever I hint at getting baptized (even when I really wanted to).

Here in my country I cannot marry if I don't get it. And I guess, that's one of the reasons why that parent of mine absolutely do not want it. That parent... made me grow up under unusual beliefs of virginity and losing my "value" when I marry. So they do whatever they can to stop that from happening.

But my other parent is chill and is helping, even the neighbor. once I get a copy of my parents' marriage certificate, it can be done, and I can finally stop questioning a part of my own identity. I can finally solve myself little by little.

I follow another practice but not really far. However that parent I talk about is also incarcerating my personhood using that practice. All I wanted was to practice it without the "virginity value" part, but they keep using it against me.

I wanted comfort, a sense of belonging, a sense of self I can reach to anytime. I'm sorry that my form of achieving it is weird. But I know that what I will do will comfort me, despite being in another practice.

[lovelufian]

he hehehe ! you found my post!!

ur pretty.

no take backs no take backs you have to deal with it

[lovelufian]

I'm currently taking on a journey of being the girl I've always wanted to be.

I wore a mask for so long and did my best for society to be afraid of coming at my face. I have been judged along the way and a lot of people questioned my intentions and ways of living. No one knew what I went through and why I decided to protect myself that way. I went through my struggles without anyone teeaching me what to do. I ended up silently spectating the people who went the same path, and they all had the same solution: to change themselves into someone tougher, someone less emotional, someone that no one can openly hurt. Someone who is only a shell of what they used to be, of the person they once wanted or aspire to become.

No one ever told me at the time that it the way I felt about the things I went through is normal, that everything I went through is not something to want, and not something that everyone is supposed to experience. That I have to admit that responding to those things and changing myself because of those thinga did not make me strong, but were not my fault either, and I only did what I had to do with the knowledge that I had at the time.

It's been a decade and I want to say sorry to myself for taking this long. But at least I'm here now, doing my best little by little.

I'm trying to build a small world around me, surrounded by the things and people that will help me fully heal and become a better version of myself. It's gonna be a lot and I know sometimes I might go back to square one, but healing is never linear after all.

I want to learn to love myself, and avoid turning the love I give to everyone into something that is desperate for validation.

I just want to live my life the way I always wanted, without the need to always compete, fear, or desperately look for validation from everyone. ♡

[lovelufian]

You need to feel yourself first before loving everyone else. That way your love will never be just because you want to fill a void within yourself, or not because you are trying to get anyone's approval or validation. ♡

Self-love! ‎ ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

i will attract a deeper love and appreciation for myself. it’s going to be okay 🧸ྀི

　　 　　 ˚ 　　　 . ✧　

[lovelufian]

[lovelufian]

[lovelufian]

[lovelufian]

Reminder

Your pain (physical/mental/emotional) is valid even if nobody can see it

Your pain is valid even if you have no physical symptoms

Your pain is valid even if there is no physical injury

Your pain is valid even if others tell you it's not

Your pain is valid even if you do not have a life threatening disease

Your pain is valid even if you don't have a diagnosis

Your pain is valid even if you do have a diagnosis

Your pain is still valid even if nobody believes you

Your pain is still valid even if you are too "young" for the problem/issue

Your pain is valid even if the health care advisor/anybody tells you that it's in your head

Your pain is valid no matter what the conditions are

Your pain is valid.

Pain does not discriminate between age, gender, race, nationality etc. Just because you can't see pain, doesn't mean it's not there.

[lovelufian]

Here’s To You

Here’s to the teens who got their hearts broken early and went through that mess of falling apart on their bedroom floors to the sound of their favorite sad songs.

Here’s to the kids who were bullied to the point of near breaking and wished beyond imagine that for once someone would just stop to say something nice in the hallway.

Here’s to the teens who had to get jobs as soon as it was legal just to eat a decent meal and afford someplace to live.

Here’s to the girls and guys who’ve been harassed and touched and forced into things they’ll never truly get over.

Here’s to the kids and teens who have barely made it through the education system even though they worked as hard as they could.

Here’s to the girls who have to brush off harassment because “boys will be boys” and “they shouldn’t have been wearing such revealing clothes”.

Here’s to the people who’ve had to hide in the closet because they know this world is quick to judge and slow to accept even if it’s only love.

Here’s to the people who’ve argued with who they are and have tried to be someone else because they’re scared to be themselves.

Here’s to the parents who have had to stand outside their kids’ bedroom doors listening to them sob and not knowing quite what to say.

Here’s to the people who’ve tried to drink and smoke away memories of people who never cared enough.

Here’s to the outcasts who’ve never known what it’s like to feel like they belong and have kept their distance all their lives just to make other people feel comfortable.

Here’s to the people who smile even when they want to cry and say they’re fine when they’re not even close.

Here’s to the people who have to socialize every day even though their lives are controlled by irrational anxiety.

Here’s to the people who’ve hurt themselves or attempted suicide because sometimes life just makes the struggle that unbearable.

Here’s to the people who have lost someone who made their world go round and had to sit through a funeral when they really just felt like screaming.

Here’s to the boys who feel like they have to be tough and strong and masculine so they don’t ever cry in front of people.

Here’s to the people who never felt right in their bodies and were relieved when they realized they could do something about it.

Here’s to the people who have sat in therapy sessions feeling broken and worthless and frustrated.

Here’s to the people who have looked in the mirror and hated what they’ve seen.

Here’s to the people who have struggled to eat or struggled to control their eating only to get made fun of for being too skinny or too fat.

Here’s to the kids who never knew real family for whatever reason and wish they knew what that kind of love was like.

Here’s to the kids who have to celebrate their abusive parents once or twice a year just because they “gave you life”.

Here’s to the kids who grew up having to raise their siblings because their parents never did anything.

Here’s to the people who made mistakes in their life that rip them apart every day and define the rest of their lives.

Here’s to the people who face stereotypes and slurs and prejudice every single day just because of their skin color or gender.

Here’s to the people who think they aren’t valid or loved and still have to find their place in this world.

Here’s to anyone who needed this. I’m proud of you.

[lovelufian]

hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

[lovelufian]

encourage your tiny psyduck~

[lovelufian]

How to be the best version of yourself <3

Surround yourself with positive people. A key to becoming the best version of ourselves is positivity. A positive attitude helps us to see the better sides of things, which in turn helps us to navigate through tough times. It makes us see the good sides of people rather than the negative sides of them, which helps us strengthen our relationship with others. All of this is great for our mental health. The reason we should start with surrounding ourselves with positive people this is because their positivity will affect us, and we will be influenced by their mindset. In my personal opinion this is the best way to be a positive person yourself since changing your own mindset by yourself takes a lot of willpower and effort; by surrounding yourself with people with this mindset you won't have to do much effort

Positive affirmations. Yes, as you can tell, positivity is a massive theme when we talk about being the best version of yourself. Positive affirmations are basically saying positive things about yourself. All you have to do is say them to yourselves every day for 5 minutes, or find them on youtube and listen to them while you sleep or anytime of the day, and then see the magic happen within a week. It's basically like brainwashing yourself, but with your consent.

Growth mindset. Based on personal experience, this automatically happens when you have a positive mindset. But, for those of you who are struggling, think of it in this way, imagine you're at school, and get a bad test score, and the kid who gets 100 all the time obviously got a 100. Now, the next time you do a you do a test, the kid gets a 100, and you don't, but you have slightly improved, and that continues for the rest of the year. Let's say you make a chart of improvement and you compare yours with the class topper, you would have so much improvement on your chart compared to the other kid. This means that you have improved so much more than before, and you have learnt so much, but the other kid just has a straight line on their graph. So, at the end of the day, if you forget about what grades you both got, people would be more proud of you than the other kid since you have progressed more. You have learnt from your mistakes, and that's what a part of experiences life is about. The more you fail, the more experienced and wise you become, and the more you grow. You can only go up. That's what a growth mindset is about, knowing that failing isn't the end of the world and knowing you should keep trying again and again. Always learning from our mistakes and correcting them makes us grow and evolve. So, the next time you have improved, even if it's just by a little bit, throw yourself a big party.

I hope that this info has been helpful to some of you. Always remember to start with small steps and break big things down into smaller pieces. Bye❤️

[lovelufian]

I am not designed to hate. It makes me physically sick to hold on to it for anyone. Either I appreciate your existence or I don't acknowledge your existence at all. And I guess that's okay, at least I do not hate, I only ignore and/or avoid for the sake of my own mental and physical health. ♡