#half the year would’ve been silent without

[whytheylosttheirminds]

Don't Call Me Kid - Chapter 6 (part two)

(Rafe Cameron x Reader series, 4.1k words)

series summary: You'd had a crush on Rafe Cameron since you were six years old, but he friend zoned you at every turn. Once shy and insecure, you found new confidence and self-love after high school. When your high school friends go on a reunion beach trip, Rafe finally sees what he lost, but he isn't going to give you up without a fight.

tropes: unrequited crush, glow up, she fell first/he fell harder

series content: some angst, eventual fluff, slow burn, tomfoolery and shenanigans, drinking, fem!reader has occasional insecurity and body image issues

⇢ series masterlist

additional chapter cw! suggestive moments, mature readers only please!

You and Carter didn’t fight, it just didn’t happen.

Like any sisters, you got on each other’s nerves, you disagreed on things, you borrowed each other’s clothes without asking - but you didn’t fight. 

Growing up, your parents fought all the time. You and Carter would sit in her bedroom and listen to music, talking and laughing and pretending not to hear. Ever since then, you had a silent agreement; you didn’t fight and you never raised your voices at each other.

The problem with this system was that you were never quite sure when she was upset with you. Your stomach churned the whole rest of your shower, as she stood uncharacteristically quiet at the bathroom sink and did her makeup.

Maybe she hadn’t heard you, or maybe she had just hated your words so much that she couldn’t even respond to them. You knew she wouldn’t like it when you admitted that you’d be with Rafe if he asked you, but pretending it had never been said seemed particularly childish. 

A little while later, you sat on a stool in front of the bathroom mirror as she did your hair and makeup. You found your eyes continually drifting up to her, searching for any sign of anger. When a full half-an-hour passed and she still hadn’t responded to your comments about Rafe, you broke down and asked, “are you mad at me?”

“For what?” She scrunched her eyebrows.

“For what I said in the shower,” you wrung your hands in your lap, not sure you wanted the answer.

“Bitch, you know I have the short term memory of an ant, you’re gonna have to give me more to work with.”

You laughed at her bluntness, the lightheartedness of her words relaxing you enough to face your fear.

“What I said about Rafe,” you said. “That I’d be with him if he asked me to.”

She paused her work on your hair, setting the brush down and meeting your eyes in the mirror.

“When did you say that?” She twisted her lips.

“When you came back in, while I was in the shower.”

She shook her head, “must’ve been talking to someone else because I’ve definitely never heard you say that. I feel like I would’ve remembered something so insane.”

You looked down at your hands in your lap, playing the whole thing back in your mind. You had definitely heard someone come in, the door squeaking at their arrival. That means someone else in the house was walking around with your deepest secret. And now Carter knew it too.

“Oh,” you said. “Never mind then.”

“Yeah right, you really think I’m just gonna move on from that?” Carter put her hands on her hips.

“We could just pretend I never said anything,” you shrugged.

“Yes you know me,” Carter rolled her eyes, “I’m famous for letting things go and being super chill when I hear someone say something batshit crazy.”

You sighed, “okay fine, but what you didn’t hear was me following the statement up by saying I know I shouldn’t be with him ‘cause I’d probably hate myself the whole time.”

Carter started working on your hair again, her contorted face betraying her attempt to act casual.

“Please just say whatever you’re thinking,” you urged her.

“I don’t want to tell you what to do,” she replied.

You snorted, “since when?”

“I just, like, ugh,” she dropped her head back in frustration. “Why him? Like I’ve never understood. What is it about him?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “I’ve never really known. He’s just…”

“Arrogant, selfish, a bully…” she finished your sentence for you.

“Stop,” you laughed, shaking your head.  

“Just be careful, okay?” She placed her hands on your shoulders, meeting your eye in the mirror. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“I know,” you nodded. “I will be.”

“If Rafe Cameron has zero haters then I am dead,” she concluded.

“I know that too,” you smiled.

Carter leaned past you to collect a couple bobby pins from the bathroom sink, her shirt slipping slightly off her shoulder and revealing a patch of deep purple marks.

“Oh my god,” you squealed. “Are those hickies?!”

She dragged her shirt back over her shoulder defensively.

“No! I fell!”

“Uh-huh, right onto Topper’s mouth apparently!” You poked her side, teasing her.

“Shut up,” she smiled and you cackled. 

After that, the Rafe conversation was dropped as you pressed Carter for more details on her hook up with Topper. She tried to play cool, but you could tell there was something more going on under the surface that she didn’t want to say. You decided to be patient, if she was going to finally come to terms with her feelings for him, she was going to do it all on her own.

When she was finally done with your hair and makeup, you inspected yourself in the mirror. 

“Baddie,” she winked at you.

You blushed, “alright let’s go, the boys are probably waiting.”

Carter stood back and crossed her arms, giving you an incredulous look.

“What?” You questioned.

“You’re not wearing that.”

You looked down at your outfit, a crop top, black jeans, and boots. You thought it was a perfectly acceptable clubbing outfit, but Carter clearly disagreed.

“Why not?”

“We’re going out to, like, clubs. In downtown Miami. You gotta stunt on ‘em a little bit,” she argued.

“I am! Look how tight these jeans are,” you did a spin to display your point.

“Good thing I brought the perfect dress in your size for just such an occasion,” she ignored you.

“Oh okay so this was a premeditated makeover?” You smiled.

She ran down the hall to her room and returned with a lacy, red minidress. Knowing you’d lose any argument you posed, you changed into it reluctantly. The corset top hugged your waist, pushing your chest up. Your shoulders slumped instinctually, like you could hide away in yourself. You’d come a long way on your self-love journey, but your self-doubt still crept in from time to time. 

As per usual, Carter sensed it right away.

“Shoulders back, head up,” Carter reminded you. “Let ‘em know.”

You took a deep breath, nodding in the mirror, choosing to leave your insecurities behind. You’d borrow her faith in you for just one night.

As Carter, Maddie and Sabrina did their final touch ups and compared outfits, you pulled on your heels and headed downstairs. The other girls didn’t seem concerned with punctuality, but you were sure Topper was probably freaking out about how long they were taking.

It wasn’t Topper you found in the kitchen, though. 

Rafe stood at the sink with his back to you, his black button up pulled taught over his defined back muscles as he stared off into space and the cup in his hand overflowed.

You smiled, holding your shoulders back as Carter had taught you, bracing for him to see you in this dress.

“Thirsty?”

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He felt his resolve break with the rest of his brain, dizzy and drowning in the sight of you. He had the ridiculous urge to shield his eyes, like he was hiding them from the sun, your beauty too overwhelming to gaze directly at.

He set the glass down on the counter, drying his hands with a nearby towel, never once breaking eye contact with you.

Licking his lips quickly, he shamelessly let his eyes drag over your bare legs and up your body, knowing full well you could see him take in every inch of you. He didn’t care, he needed you to understand what you were doing to him.

When his eyes finally landed on yours, he clenched his jaw tight, nostrils flaring with his rising pulse. He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes, telling you silently: you’re killing me.

“You like it?” You whispered, running your hands over the lacy fabric.

Rafe opened his mouth to answer, planning something along the lines of “do I like it? Are you fucking kidding me?” but before he could, the rest of the girls came clamorring down the stairs behind you, stealing the moment. 

At the sound of clicking heels and giggles, the rest of the boys came filing into the room.

Rafe gave you one more longing look before handing Kelce the glass of water. Kelce tried to protest, but Rafe shoved it in his hands anyway.

“We’re not leaving ‘til you drink it,” Rafe scolded him.

“Taking over Topper’s mom duties?” Maddie laughed at the exchange.

“No, Rafe’s much more dad vibes,” Carter countered.

“Yes and mom and dad will be pissed if our Ubers leave, so let’s go children,” Topper herded the group toward the front door. 

Rafe took the now empty glass from Kelce and left it in the sink, and you lingered back for a second, pretending to fix your shoe so you’d both end up at the back of the pack. He watched as you bent down and fiddled with the slingback, hovering close when you stood.

“Nice dress,” he mumbled down to you.

“You think so?” You twisted your lips to keep from beaming at him, trying to maintain some semblance of nonchalance.

“There’s not much of it,” he teased, scratching the back of his head as he looked down over the lacy fabric. “But yeah, it’s nice.”

“You gonna give me the ‘you’re not leaving the house in that, young lady’ treatment?” You pressed him. “You really are like the dad.”

“Why? Would you change if I told you to?” He asked skeptically.

“Not a fucking chance,” you scoffed, swinging your hips as you spun and made for the front door.

He was really planning on staying away from you? What a fucking joke. He followed you out of the house like you had him on a leash. He was in for a long night.

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It took all of five minutes for Carter to grab Topper’s hand and pull him to the corner of the club, and it took even less time for their close talking to become a full on makeout.

You smirked at them as you ordered another drink, knowing you’d need something to help you get through this evening if Carter wasn’t going to be by your side. You could feel Tom’s eyes on you as he approached from the other side of the bar.

The whole Uber here, Tom had been eyeing you in the rear view mirror from the front seat. The only stare that made you more uncomfortable was Sabrina’s. It couldn’t be more clear that she’d grown attached to him on their jet ski ride, laughing loud at his unfunny jokes and hovering in his vicinity all night. You had unwittingly fallen into a love triangle you wanted nothing to do with.

You could feel his attempt to hit on you before he even spoke.

“Put her drink on my tab,” Tom told the bartender. 

“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” you said, not wanting to give him any openings.

“Not a problem,” he said. “I know I’ve been kind of a jerk today, the least I can do is buy you a drink to say sorry.”

The bartender handed you the glass, and you immediately took a sip, fiddling with the straw uncomfortably.

“Sorry for what?” You feigned ignorance.

“Last night, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird,” he said, stepping closer to you. He clearly couldn’t see the irony that he was apologizing for making you feel weird while actively making you feel weird. “I just think you’re really cool and I wanted to get to know you better.”

He was crowding your space now, the scent of his heavy cologne choking your senses. Just a few days ago, you found the same smell enticing, but now, there was only one person you wanted standing this close.

Your eyes flicked over Tom’s shoulder, scanning the crowd for him. You found him leaning against the wall, Kelce talking to him emphatically about something you couldn’t hear. You didn’t have to get his attention, his eyes were already on you. Tight lipped smile, you flicked your eyes between him and Tom, trying to communicate your need for his assistance.

Rafe didn’t need anything more to understand what you were asking, tuned in to your every move and sensing your need for him before you even caught his eye. He pushed off the wall and left Kelce talking to no one so he could shove his way through the crowd. Taller than almost everyone, you tracked him the whole way through the sea of people. Tom seemed none the wiser, continuing hitting on you.

“Maybe we could get out of here,” Tom suggested, leaning in a little too close so you could hear him over the music.

“Nah, not tonight bro.” 

Rafe appeared by your side just in time, forcing Tom to take a step back as he draped his arm over your shoulders possessively. Tom’s eyes flew between the two of you as you reached up to the hand on your shoulder and threaded your fingers with Rafe’s. Relief swelled through your body as Tom stepped back. You leaned into Rafe’s hold more, wrapping your arm around his waist and giving him a grateful squeeze. You knew he felt it when you saw his mouth perk up at the corners. But he didn’t take his eyes off Tom, his work here unfinished.

“Since when are you two together?” Tom puzzled defensively.

“Look man, why don’t you go find, uh, Sabrina,” Rafe waved him off. “Or literally any other girl here.”

As if Rafe’s suggestion had summoned her, Sabrina appeared at Tom’s side.

“Oh my god,” she slurred, eyes red and glossy with intoxication. “Are y’all a thing now? Girl, I never thought you’d actually do it. Good for you!”

It had the cadence of women supporting women, but the undertone was clear. You didn’t miss the disbelief in her tone, subtly trying to cut you down while appearing to lift you up. If Carter was here, she’d bitch her out. But you didn’t need saving from this one.

You tightened your hold on Rafe’s hand, swinging his arm from around your shoulders but not letting go. You pulled him away from Tom and Sabrina, leading him deep into the crowd on the dancefloor. 

Before he had the chance to ask what you were doing, you placed his hands on your waist, spinning in his grasp until your back was flush with his chest and moving to the music. He made no protest, squeezing you between his hands and swaying along with you. Tom and Sabrina watched from across the room, his jaw clenched and her arms crossed.

After a few minutes, both sets of eyes eventually left you, but you didn’t notice, and you didn’t stop. It wasn’t for show anymore. You closed your eyes as you continued to let the music move you. Rafe’s strong arms on either side of you, your brain flashed images of his half naked body in the kitchen and how he kneeled in front of you in the basement. The same fingertips that had so gently caressed your calf were now burrowing into the soft flesh of your hips. One of your arms stretched up, your palm finding the back of his neck, kneading his skin as you clung to him.

When you looked up to meet his eyes, they were ablaze with pure lust. Your lips parted to tell him you felt it too, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Instead you showed him, your body moving through the music like water. The bass pumped through your chest, tangling with your thumping heart beat until you couldn’t tell which was which. 

Rafe held you tight against him, like if he let you go you might slip under the waves again. His head sank low, until the tip of his nose was grazing just over the curve of your neck. He was hardly moving, not so much dancing as swaying, letting you do the work his eyes drank in every inch of your body.

With a precise roll of your hips, you pushed against him, and you nearly gasped at the feeling of something hard and demanding pressing into your hip. Your lips twisted with the sweetest satisfaction.

“Thought you were trying to be a gentleman,” you said over the music.

“I was,” he brought his lips to your ear so you could hear him. “But you’re making it too fucking hard.”

Smirking, you twisted in his arms until you were facing each other. You both caught the accidental euphemism and met eyes, breaking into matching laughter.

“You know what I mean,” he rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think I do,” you teased with a quirked eyebrow. “Enlighten me.”

His smile fell, as did his hands, lowering from your waist to your hips. You reached both arms up, wrapping around his neck and lacing your fingers behind him. 

His eyes swept over your face as he whispered, “you look so-”

“Cute?” 

You meant it in jest, but he didn’t laugh. His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched as he took you in, serious as hell when he said,

“So fucking beautiful.”

You shuddered in his arms, and he ran his hand down your exposed back, tracing his fingers delicately over your spine.

“Been driving me crazy since I saw you on the beach,” he continued.

His hand kept falling lower, though it slowed as it reached your lower back, asking for permission with his hesitancy. Your body arched into him without even thinking about it. His palm glided over your ass, the soft fabric of your dress and your plush flesh beneath it pulling an involuntary groan from him. He went lower still, slotting his fingers in the crease where your ass meets your thigh, lingering, setting up camp like he’d stay there all night if you let him. He found the spot so deliberately that you knew he’d been thinking about it for days. 

You waited with baited breath, your silence inviting him to keep talking. 

All he said next was your name. It was low and needy, like a request, or maybe a warning. Flames erupted in your stomach and sent a hot blush sweeping across your body.

“Do you…” your throat tightened with vulnerability, “do you want to go somewhere?”

Yes, Rafe thought, anywhere, for any amount of time.

But there was a small voice in the back of his head giving him pause. Your voice, earlier today in the shower, when you thought you were talking to someone else.

“I don’t want you to hate yourself,” he shook his head, sad eyes falling from your face to his shoes.

You tilted your head as you examined him, unsure for a moment what he meant. Then it clicked, realizing those were your words on his lips. He was the one who heard you in the bathroom. You fought the temptation to run away in embarrassment when you remembered what else he must’ve heard. 

After all you’d admitted to, the piece he was clearly holding onto was the only part you didn’t actually mean. You had added the detail about hating yourself when you thought you were talking to Carter and that she was upset with you.

It was too much to explain to him there on the crowded dance floor. You slipped your hand into his and pulled him from the crowd, out a side door and into the alleyway.

Once outside, you tucked your hair behind your ears and looked down anxiously at your feet. The loss of the music and the sobering night air weakened the boldness you had mustered inside.

“When you said we should go somewhere I wasn’t picturing so much garbage,” Rafe motioned towards the nearby dumpster. 

You laughed, his playful words successfully easing your nerves. You took a deep breath and reminded yourself why you’d brought him out here.

“You heard me, didn’t you? In the shower?” 

“I’m sorry,” he blushed, caught red handed. “I wasn’t trying to spy or anything. But…yeah.”

“I didn’t mean it,” you told him.

Hurt flashed in his eyes for just a second, before he nodded and squared his shoulders to cover it up.

“Got it,” he shrugged.

“No, I mean, the hating myself part,” you clarified. 

“So the other stuff…?” He was quick to follow up.

The door for you to finally tell him how you felt was wide open in front of you, but you weren’t sure if you could walk through it. The words you’d been holding back your whole life sat on the tip of your tongue, but refused to pass your lips. You looked at him helplessly.

“I can’t,” you shook your head.

Rafe sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“What? You can’t what?” 

Your mouth fell open in disbelief, incensed that he was the one with an attitude here.

“You know what?” You said, hands on your hips. “I don’t think you have a lot of room to be snapping at me, Rafe. Not after everything you’ve done.”

“Everything I’ve done?” He huffed. “Please, tell me what I did that’s so terrible?”

“Seriously? High school wasn’t that long ago, Rafe.”

“Look I know I was a dick, okay?” He stepped forward, voice softening a bit with his apology. “And maybe you’ll never forgive me. But all that shit? That guy? That’s in the past, and I don’t want to talk about the past anymore, I just wanna be with you now.”

“I don’t know, Rafe,” you shook your head sadly. “I don’t know if I can just pretend none of that happened.”

“How long then?” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “Tell me how long I’m gonna be paying for some shit I did when I was seventeen so I at least have an idea, please. Give me a date so I can plan for it.”

“Let’s see, Rafe, I wanted you for twelve years, you’ve wanted me for like two days. Does that seem even to you?”

Your words struck him, the anger in his eyes dissolving, replaced with tenderness. He stepped towards you tentatively, ducking just a bit to better read your face. 

“You really think I’ve only wanted you for two days?” He mumbled softly. “Baby…”

It was the second time he’d called you that today. You were in too much pain when he said it after you fell off the jet ski, but your brain had tucked it away subconsciously to revisit when you felt better. He’d called you baby before, when you were in high school. It had always given you butterflies, and you never called attention to it, afraid he’d stop if he realized how much it meant to you.

Since then, you’d reframed the memories to convince yourself that he never actually meant it, that it was some kind of manipulation tactic. But the way it rolled so naturally off his tongue earlier, and the way he’d breathed it so desperately now, made you reconsider.

“Please don’t call me that,” you pleaded. “Not if you don’t mean it.”

Rafe just blinked back at you, not an ounce of deception in his voice when he said, “I’ve always meant it.”

His confession pinched your heart, the whole story rewriting itself in your mind. For the first time ever, you let yourself actually believe that he cared for you, that he’d always cared for you. To anyone else who knew the whole story, it might seem unlikely, but seeing the look in his eyes right now, you had never been so sure of anything in your life.

You bit your lip as you looked up at him, your deep longing for him stronger than ever. He felt it too, you could tell by the way he drew closer, his body lining up with yours, eyes locked to your lips.

With the most tenderness you’ve ever encountered, he reached his hand up, the pad of his thumb landing on your bottom lip and pulling it gently from between your teeth, undoing you.

“Rafe…” you whispered, a plea and a question, as his lips ghosted over yours.

“Can I?” He breathed. “Please?”

You nodded, never meaning anything more than when you told him “yes.”

(chapter 7)

a/n: chat what do we think? are we forgiving him? only 3 chapters to goooo. Also I wrote “shoulders back. head up. let ‘em know.” on my bathroom mirror as my new morning mantra 💘

please note, the taglist for this series is currently closed. For updates, follow @whytheylosttheirminds-works and turn on notifs 💕

[itostea]

the strongest (gojo x wife! reader)

gojo can't help but feel annoyed that he feels concern for the wife he swears he doesn't care for.

warnings: arranged marriage au, gojo refers to you as his wife, enemies to lovers (?), gojo tells you to lift up your top, slight angst, he's really bad at feelings okay, image from loving yamada-kun at lv999 (part of gojo’s wife series)

The lines of intrigue and fear are often blurred. It explains why we admire fire from afar, careful not to get too close in hopes of not getting burned. It explains why we find peace in parts of the ocean and tense up in deeper parts. It also explains why Gojo Satoru seeks your presence yet pushes you away the moment he finds himself feeling something other than indifference or vexation–it’s never hatred though. The strongest can’t envision himself ever hating his wife and it scares him. 

He’s not sure that can be said about you. Gojo wouldn’t be surprised if you grew to hate him after the treatment you put up with. 

Your marriage is what you call a “marriage of convenience” and Gojo made sure you remembered that. He wasn’t always so distant with you. Back then, you might’ve considered him a friend but time did its bidding and you two drifted apart, your time together merely a memory. Now fast forward a few years and you were wedded to him, taking up his surname and sleeping in the same house as him–in separate rooms of course. 

Your steps on the wooden floors were silent as you intended not to make a single noise at such a late hour. You sighed, feeling the weight of your heavy shoulders drag you down. 

Gojo might be considered cruel to you but the elders were on a different level. They knew this mission would be too much for you yet they sent you on it as punishment for speaking your mind the last time everyone gathered. 

At that time, your husband had an unfamiliar gleam in your eyes as you voiced your thoughts on the matter of Itadori. He’s a nice kid, you thought when you first saw the pink-haired boy. 

Taking away his youth wouldn’t be fair. After all, he didn’t choose to have the Ryomen Sukuna use him as a vessel. Yet, sentiment doesn’t do well with the higher ups and they made sure you knew your place with the mission they sent you on. 

You inhaled sharply, wincing as you felt the bruise on your rib with your palm. There was blood soaking your tights, little cuts littering your legs. You’re so tired you can’t find it in yourself to even eat. Then again, you needed to be in your best condition tomorrow since another mission was sent out of you and specifically you. Those in power always make sure it’s clear that they are in power. Your voice of opinion meant nothing to their beliefs in tradition or what you liked to call, “backward thinking.” That’s one thing you and your husband could agree on. 

“Ow,” you wince for the nth time as you open the fridge, scanning the items. Mochi. Ice-cream. Leftover cake. Perhaps it would’ve been wiser to go grocery shopping a day prior so you could have a proper meal. This was the kind of stuff Gojo could live on but you couldn’t. Closing the fridge, you opt for instant ramen instead. Not the best choice in regards to healthiness but cracking an egg in there meant more protein and it also minimized the spice levels. 

You’re halfway in between preparing the noodles when you feel a presence right beside you and soft breathing besides your ears. “You’re home,” your ‘husband’ mumbles, his eyes half-lidded from just having woken up. 

“God! Satoru!” You gasp, flinching away from and only realizing how close he was. For someone who claimed he wasn’t interested in you, he didn’t know what personal space was. “How did you know I was home?”

“Your cursed energy leaked in,” he shrugs his shoulders, peering down at you without the constraints of his blindfold or shades. You gulp as his eyes flit up and down your appearance, causing your insides to tense up in a sudden wave of self-consciousness. Being scrutinized by the six-eyes himself wasn’t much fun and you’re suddenly aware of the fact that your hair is disheveled and your face is sweaty from just having come home from a grueling mission. 

You don’t even notice the glint of rage that crosses his hues before he masks it. “Who did this to you?”

“Huh?” You blink, coming to your senses that your body was bloodied up and battered from having fought a curse. “Oh it was just a mission. It’s normal to be hurt on missions.” 

Gojo’s been living with you for nearly half a year now and he knows you’re more than competent when it comes to shaman duties (not that he’d ever tell you). He knows you return home by 7 p.m.., and never at hours well past midnight. He knows that you usually only get injuries on your back because you get careless at times. But now, he sees cuts everywhere and he’s not sure if you’re running on adrenaline or if you’re too tired to notice. 

His eyes glance at the way you press a palm on your rib, subconsciously squeezing the area as if hiding it from him. “Let me see.”

Your surprise is immediate and he would’ve felt a strange fluttering in his stomach if not for this concern he was experiencing for you. You smile. “See what?”

“Your injury. Let me see it,” he says again, pressing on the hand you hold close to your ribs, narrowing his eyes as you hiss in pain. “Don’t be stubborn (Name).” 

His voice is different from the cheery one he often uses and you’re left leaning further into the kitchen counter, acutely aware of the fact that his taller frame wasn’t allowing you to escape. His eyes widen the slightest once he gets a glimpse of your flustered expression as you peer up at him and he only realizes what he was asking from you. Part of him tells him to ignore this and pretend his concern for you was brief. Yet, part of him screams at him that he was your husband, so he should feel the right to be worried–even if he was months late. 

He sighs, tilting his head. “I’m just going to look. I promise I won’t do anything else,” his voice is oddly tender as he speaks to you, a contrast to the usual nonchalance you’re used to. 

You gulp and let out a shaky sigh, giving in when your fingers reach to pull your top up for him to see the bare skin that you can’t even say is spotless or void of marks. Multiple wounds litter your skin–some faded, some new. You’re scared his gaze would show some signs of judgment or disgust but you’re left bemused when you see how his eyebrows furrow and his lips purse. For a second, you allow yourself to be deluded by the fact that he might be worried but you quickly abandon that thought, averting your eyes from him.

You can see how he pieces everything together. From the way you rebelled against the elders and how they saw it as a means to punish you. He does it so quickly that you can only blink when his blank expression morphs into something different. You almost feel relieved from the fact that his expression of pure anger wasn’t directed at you and rather those who sent you on the mission.

It’s almost natural how he slides the top further up, mapping the extent of the bruise with his eyes. His hands are warm and calloused. They’re also gentle, tracing the bruise carefully to not hurt you. “I’ll kill those old bastards,” he chuckles with a sneer. “They have some nerve letting my wife take this mission without me.”

You frown as you see his anger first-hand. “Satoru–”

“Why didn’t you go to Shoko?” He interrupts, gently holding on your waist to prop you on the counter while he stands in between your legs. He watches you intently, in search of answers.

You feel somewhat embarrassed as his hand still lifts your top up to see the bare skin but don’t comment on it. “I didn’t want to bother her so late at night…”

For the first time since today, you see him flash a genuine smile, as if exasperated by your reasoning. “But you’re fine with bothering me?” 

“That’s different!” You say, a pout slowly forming on your lips and he can’t help but feel drawn to you even if he doesn’t want to. 

He laughs as you pull your top down with a huff, finding it cute that you were so bashful. “Because I’m your husband?” 

You go silent and for a second, Gojo thinks he’s messed up for mentioning that. Despite being your husband, he’s not the greatest at doing his job. He’s not callous or spiteful towards you, instead taking on more of a cold and aloof attitude towards you. Even so, he thinks that hurts just as much as a few insults. 

He’s about to pull back but your voice draws him back to you. “Yeah. It’s because you’re my husband.”

Gojo can’t stop himself from glancing at your lips at that single statement. He was today years old when he realized he was a man of simple tastes. All you had to do was tell him that he was your husband and he’d want to kiss you until your lips turned red. He considers himself lucky that you didn’t see that slip-up of his–though he wouldn’t have minded if you did.

He breathes out a sigh, propping his chin atop your head while his fingers draw circles around your hips. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

It’s a vow he swears to keep. 

“I know,” you whisper quietly enough for him to hear. “You’re the strongest after all.”

He thinks it’s funny that even as the strongest, he feels weak when he feels your fingers play with his sleeves. No words are said after that and a comfortable silence drifts between you two. It’s like the barrier between the two of you is cracking once you feel his lips press gently against your forehead and you think it's his way of sealing the promise. 

Gojo Satoru thinks–or rather he knows that he wouldn’t mind living the rest of his life with you. And he knows that he should fix his behavior around you and stop running away. That way, instead of a kiss to the forehead, he can finally give you one on your lips. 

[wqnwoos]

⇢ pairing. chwe vernon x reader ⇢ summary. vernon loves music, and you love vernon. ⇢ genre. fluff, bffs2lovers, college!au ⇢ word count. approx. 2k ⇢ author’s note! happy (early) valentine’s day! i unfortunately wrote this last week which means it came so close to deletion at least 10 times, and so im posting it now to prevent that. thank you to alta @haologram for helping me brainstorm the playlist, i truly believe u are a gift to this world.

playlist. love language, kehlani / jasmine, dpr live / want u around, omar apollo & ruel / like i want you, giveon / thinkin bout you, frank ocean / best part, daniel caesar & h.e.r.

It’s closing in on two in the morning when you finally leave the library. Your phone’s been on do not disturb since you got there at seven, which feels like forever ago — as you exit, casting a sympathetic glance at the remaining two students still glued to their textbooks, you scroll quickly through your notifications. Two emails, a follow request, and a passive-aggressive threat from Duolingo.

You pull your coat tighter around you as you finally emerge through the last set of double doors — it’s freezing, and you’re just about to stow your hands deep into your pockets when your phone buzzes.

[2:03am] vernon 👽🖤 yo [2:03am] vernon 👽🖤 ur prob asleep but i made u smth [2:04am] vernon 👽🖤 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4grGIbqG5VSvNpDLuwdG7X

Instinctively, you smile. You and Vernon have a bunch of playlists. A collaborative one, for when you’re together, driving or hanging out or whatever. Then he has one for you with all the songs he thinks you’ll like, and then you have one for him for the same reason. 

[2:05am] you another one?  [2:06am] vernon 👽🖤  yooo why are u still up dude [2:06am] you hypocrite 🫵 [2:06am] you but i’m walking home from the library rn

vernon 👽🖤  is calling . . .

“Dude,” he says, by way of greeting, and he doesn’t sound impressed.

“Dude,” you mimic exactly, biting back a smile at the sound of his voice.

“It’s two in the morning,” he sighs, and you can hear sheets rustling in the background. “Why are you walking home alone?”

“It’s not far, Vernon.” 

“It’s dark and it’s been snowing. You should have called me,” he reprimands without any heat. “I would’ve picked you up.”

“Well, it is two in the morning.” You cross the road, stepping over a patch of snow. “I assumed you’d be asleep, not curating another playlist.”

“Oh. Yeah, that — that was — have you opened it?” Vernon’s words trip over each other, and your lips turn up ever so slightly. God, he’s so sweet.

“What, are you nervous?” you tease, unable to resist. “I have, like, fifteen of your playlists saved already.”

“You haven’t opened it,” he infers, and exhales a little. “Okay, um, maybe you should… wait. Until the morning or something.”

“Yeah, right,” you snort. “I’m listening to it now! It’s going to keep me company on my way home. Talk to you later!”

And you hang up before he can protest, already scrolling to find the link he sent you.

The first thing you notice is the name — Love Language. Which makes your heart twist a little, until you realise it’s the name of the first song, and anyway, you and Vernon have made this joke a hundred times. His love language is making playlists, he does it for his friends all the time. You included — you especially. Like the time he’d eaten the last slice of a cake you’d bought, apparently because he thought it was free-for-all. You’d given him the silent treatment for a day and a half before he’d texted you a playlist link: 

I AM (IVE)

really (mimi bay)

Sorry (Justin Bieber)

About (SoKuen)

EATING (Sukihana)

The Cake (John Powell)

I Will (Remastered 2009) (The Beatles)

Buy (Cousines like Shit)

You (Basil Valdez)

MORE (j-hope)

Please Please Please (Sabrina Carpenter)

Forgive Me (Chloe x Halle)

It made you laugh, because Vernon always makes you laugh. A few months and a few playlists later, you were harbouring the biggest crush known to mankind.

That was three years ago. You and Vernon are seniors now, set to graduate next summer, and what was meant to be a harmless crush on a friend has turned into being completely, totally in love with your best friend. It wasn’t that serious until it suddenly was. It was butterflies in your stomach when you saw him, at first. Now it’s like a sigh of relief. It's more coming home. Which is a lot more dangerous, and a lot more painful.

You handle it, most days, but sometimes he’ll do something or say something that completely throws your perfectly regulated emotions into overdrive. He’ll laugh at a stupid joke you make, or he’ll grab your hand to make a point or he’ll tell you that you’re pretty, and your heart swells until it presses painfully against your ribs, hot and slippery and aching. Those days, you mostly go home just to lie on the floor, listen to the only playlist of yours that Vernon hasn’t seen.

The second thing you notice about the playlist Vernon made you is the cover. It’s you, you know it immediately, and you know exactly which day it was taken. You just didn’t know it was taken. But your best friend must’ve snapped a photo when you weren’t looking, because the cover is you, looking up at the cherry blossom tree that the two of you stumbled on during a late-night walk. It was maybe a little under a year ago, it was the night you realised you loved him, and it was the night you almost kissed.

You don’t know if he remembers it the same way you do. To you, that’s your biggest what if? moment. To him, it’s probably just another fun memory with his friend. His best friend, if you’re lucky.

It takes you a second, but you finally click play on the playlist — but the picture stares back at you, practically taunting you with the memory.

The two of you had been walking for twenty minutes, sharing airpods, until you’d seen the tree and gathered a pile of pink petals to dump over Vernon’s head; he’d realised what you were doing just a moment too late. Asshole, he’d said smilingly, brushing the petals off with two hands. Everything that happened next was cliché. He’d missed a spot, one pale petal still clinging to his hair; you reached your hand up to get it, and lingered a little too long, a little too close. You don’t think you’ve ever held eye contact for so long — it felt like forever and then some.

Until his eyes flicked downward. Only for a split second: if you’d blinked, you would’ve missed it, but you saw it, and it was enough to have you taking a step back. Not like this, you’d thought to yourself. You wouldn’t do anything like that. You wouldn’t throw years of friendship and an extended period of pining away so easily — you wouldn’t risk it over an impulse that Vernon was experiencing. If you couldn’t have all of him, you refused to even take one night. You’d rather not know than live with the memory.

You’re halfway through the second song when you finally snap out of the memory, and you can actually take a moment to glance at the rest of the playlist. To your surprise, it’s short — it’s only six songs — and more interestingly, you know all these songs. And Vernon knows you know them; some of them you recommended to him, some of them he’s sent to you already, and you’re still wondering what he’s thinking as the third song ends. 

Despite you claiming to be his best friend, you don’t always understand Vernon. Sometimes it’s little things, like how he fist bumps the cat on the street corner of his apartment. Sometimes it’s bigger, like the girl he dated last year. You didn’t understand that — or maybe you didn’t want to, because yes, you were well on your way to being in love with him, but he also didn’t tell you. You found out from Seungkwan (who was kind of triumphant about it, because he was always vying for the position of Vernon’s best friend, and he finally knew something you didn’t).

Mina was lovely. As if Vernon would date someone not lovely — he brought her to movie night after a month or so of them seeing each other, and she met your group of friends, and everyone loved her. Even you. And honestly, after excusing yourself to the bathroom to blink away your watery eyes, you convinced yourself that it was for the better: that this would be how you officially got over your best friend. So when Soonyoung asked you to go on a blind date with one of his friends the next week, you said yes. You and Wonwoo saw each other for about a month before you broke it off, and about a month after that, Vernon showed up at movie night without his girlfriend, and casually mentioned that they’d broken up.

Even the news of that didn’t do much to soothe you, because you’d quickly come to a conclusion while dating Wonwoo: that it would not be easy to get over your best friend. You knew you loved him now. You’d come to that realisation under the cherry blossom tree, a few months after both of your breakups, a year after you realised that you liked him like that in the first place. It’s been well over two years since you first fell for him, and you’ve been stuck there ever since — falling deeper and deeper because you refuse to pull yourself out.

Sometimes, on your most hopeful nights, you think that maybe Vernon could feel something too. Some nights he looks at you with a certain shine in his eyes, or when he hugs you he makes it last a little longer than usual. Some nights he opens his mouth to say something and the words get stuck in his throat, and he waves it off like nothing happened. Symptoms that are all too familiar.

Those nights are even worse, the ones where you go home and read too much into his every move, try in vain to stifle the hope that insists on clawing its way to your chest. Those nights are getting more and more frequent, and you don’t know how much longer you can handle it. Those nights, something in you is convinced he feels something, that maybe he could like you — on the very worst, you think he might even love you. But by the next morning, you’re dead certain that all you’ll ever be is a friend to him.

But now — today — you’re eight minutes away from home and nearly five songs in when it starts snowing, and at the same time, the cogs in your mind slowly start turning. You love these songs, Vernon knows you love these songs. You’re pretty sure they’re some of his favourites too; he’s always listening to them. And you’re so preoccupied with the realisation that’s sinking in, that same traitorous hope you’ve always shoved down stirring again in your chest, you barely even notice the snowflakes settling around you.

Because maybe you don’t always understand Vernon, but most of the time you do, even if it takes a little while — even if he has to spell things out for you, like his stupid cake playlist. Because that’s what he’s doing, you realise with a sudden jolt, looking at your favourite songs. Your favourite love songs. He’s spelling it out for you. That this is his love language; that he wants you; that he thinks about you; and as the last song finishes, just as you turn onto your street — if you love me, won’t you say something?

When you finally look up, you think you’re hallucinating. Because Vernon’s standing in front of your apartment building, holding an umbrella, and it startles you so much you actually stop in your tracks a few metres from him, blinking idiotically.

Vernon gives you a shy smile, charming and awkward. Your heart does the thing it always does when he looks at you like that; stutters, skips a beat, clenches tightly.

“You stopped replying to my texts,” he says, and the street’s empty enough that you can hear him, even from where you’re standing. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

You don’t say anything because what can you even say? Where do you even start? You don’t have words — but you tap quickly at your phone with a sudden idea, and you hear the ping of Vernon’s phone from where you’re standing. You move closer anyway, smiling at the familiar furrow of his brow as he glances between you and the phone he digs out of his pocket. And you see the exact moment he registers what you’ve sent him, the smile that spreads across his face.

[2:39am] you https://open.spotify.com/track/5oO3drDxtziYU2H1X23ZIp [love on the brain - rihanna]

You and Vernon first met at a party. Seungkwan had promised both of you, separately, that it wasn’t a party, more of a small gathering between his friends, but of course, Seungkwan’s definition of small doesn’t match yours. And so you were kind of hiding in a corner, nodding your head and mouthing subconsciously to Rihanna’s Love on the Brain; you’d turned your head a few inches, and Chwe Vernon was standing a few metres away, doing the exact same thing. You guys had accidentally made eye contact and split into matching embarrassed smiles, until he’d sat next to you. He’d offered you possibly the most awkward fist bump ever, pairing it with an even more awkward, “So, uh, got love on the brain?” You’d laughed, and that was it — the beginning of you and Vernon.

Now, he pockets his phone again, but holds the umbrella out over both of your heads, which only makes you giggle. “You brought an umbrella?”

“It’s snowing,” he shrugs, but his smile is wide, “It’s just like… colder rain.” 

“Stupid.” What’s more stupid is the smile you can’t peel off your face. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” he counters, and you tilt your head with a sheepish smile. So many reasons, but one look at him and you forget them all.

“So,” he murmurs, slipping his free hand around your waist, “got love on the brain, hm?”

“Something like that,” you agree, and after three years of wanting and waiting, you finally kiss him.

a/n i linked the playlist vernon made at the top (yes i dug up one of my very old spotify accounts to do this). i have very mixed feelings about this one. it's kind of cheesy but so is most of my work, and anyway it's valentine's day!! so who cares!!! also once again this got a banner bc once again this picture inspired the whole thing. also wtf is up with tumblr ruining image quality!!!

perm taglist: @n4mj00nvq @eoieopda @som1ig @wondering-out-loud

@tokitosun @hannyoontify @sahazzy @dokyeomin

@icyminghao @smilehui @nicholasluvbot @lvlystars

@immabecreepin @hanniehaee @kokoiinuts @astrozuya

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@iamawkwardandshy @twilghtkoo @yuuyeonie @lllucere

@pearlesscentt

@sourkimchi @porridgesblog

[lucysarah-c]

"Those are my fries, and those are yours,"

"Come on! Does it really make a difference if I take just one?" You retorted.

"Settled accounts keep old friends," he mumbled, mouth half full of food.

You giggled as he took off the top bun from his burger, piled on a bunch of fries, and took a huge bite. The scene was downright chaotic, and you burst out laughing. Levi, who normally cared about appearances, was wolfing down the McDonald's meal with an intensity that didn’t quite match the polished image he’d shown earlier, even though that suit probably cost a fortune.

Ketchup stuck to the corner of his mouth as he raised an eyebrow, silently questioning what was so funny. Once he'd swallowed, he muttered, "Eat before the fries get cold. They taste horrible like that."

You couldn't help but reflect on how the night had gone. The House of CB dress you'd bought and saved for a special occasion, the hair you had done at the salon, the makeup you practiced to mimic the subtle but lovely glam of the latest Bridgerton season—none of that had been planned for you to end up in your boyfriend's car, surrounded by a ridiculous amount of fast food from a drive-thru at 11 p.m.

The empty parking lot outside, with snow accumulating, could have been eerie if you weren’t sitting next to Levi. Fries slathered in extra cheddar sauce were scattered everywhere, and Levi shoveled them into his mouth without a care. No lights, no music, but it didn't matter—you felt safe with him, though neither of you was keen on tempting fate by keeping the car lights on in the middle of nowhere.

Taking a bite of your own burger, you chuckled again. "I don't think I've ever seen you this hungry."

Levi paused mid-chew to take a swig of his Coke. "Tch, those posh assholes. They dragged me around for hours—hours! Examples of this, representation of that, and handshakes with whoever. From 3 p.m.! They didn’t even let me grab a sandwich at the reception. Finally, they serve dinner at 10—TEN!" he grumbled, the delay clearly having been the final straw. "And what did they serve? One shrimp, a tiny cube of cheese, and some grass they picked from outside and called a gourmet dinner."

"Rich people don’t eat much; that’s why," you teased. "It’s fancy to have tiny portions on huge plates."

"That’s because they’re all on Ozempic, buying up medicine that people actually need. Fuck them," he muttered.

On any other occasion, Levi would’ve cursed you for eating in his car, but tonight he made an exception. "How are my ice creams?"

Levi glanced outside where the ice creams were stored in the cold air to keep from melting. Processing your words, he turned back to you. "My ice creams? You mean ours."

"Oh, Levi, aren’t you going to gift me one? What kind of gentleman are you?" you teased.

"Right now, I’d bite your arm off if it weren’t for the fact that McDonald’s is still open," he replied with a smirk.

You laughed again. It had been the government holiday party, and you’d been so excited to attend, ready to rub elbows with high society. One of the older women had even told you, "You should've asked for a brand to sponsor your dress, coming as Levi’s plus-one!" Erwin had insisted that Levi attend as a representative of the Ackerman family, much to your boyfriend's dismay. Uri had agreed, probably because any option was better than Kenny for a formal event.

"Erwin will kill you when he finds out," you said, remembering how Levi had messaged you to sneak out. You’d never imagined he’d drag you through a bathroom window, across the estate grounds, and into his car for a McDonald’s run. "What about Uri? I ran into him during dinner. He was so nice!"

Levi hummed in approval, acknowledging that the old man had always been a saint in his eyes. The only one capable of dealing with Kenny for so many years.

Suddenly, Levi's phone lit up, its ringtone breaking the quiet. "Fuck!" you panicked.

"Don’t answer. If we do, they’ll know I’m reachable," Levi said, ignoring the calls.

Message after message flooded his phone—texts from Uri, Traute, and Erwin: Where are you? Levi, answer the phone ASAP. Come back here this instant.

The calls came in one after another.

"They won’t stop," you muttered. "Maybe we should just tell them—"

"No. They’d send the national guard to drag me back to that snob-filled hell," Levi spat. Despite not picking up, both of you whispered as if the unanswered calls could somehow hear.

At some point, the whole situation became hilarious. You found yourself resting your head on his shoulder, chuckling as the phone buzzed incessantly. Levi kept refusing to answer, and in the midst of it all, you shared sloppy kisses in the darkened car.

"I’ve got an idea…" you said, a mischievous glint in your eye. Levi looked at you, confused, the noise from the phone distracting from the moment you were building.

Casually, you swiped up on the screen and answered. "Levi? Where are—"

With a fake gasp and an exaggerated tone, you moaned, "Ah, Lev—Yes!"

Levi had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as he realized what you were doing. "Play along," you whispered. And before you knew it, he began thumping the side door, mimicking the sound of… well, thrusts.

"Harder!" you managed between giggles before the call abruptly ended, leaving both of you in hysterics.

"Well, they’re definitely not calling anymore," Levi shook his head, still grinning, knowing full well this prank wouldn’t go unpunished.

"You can always say we were busy working on the Ackerman heir they keep asking for," you teased.

Levi grimaced, entertained by the thought. "I mean…" His hand slid up your thigh, the mood shifting as his touch grew more insistent. "We could actually be doing that."

Your hips began to move slightly over his lap. A quick glance at the clock—the only light inside the car—showed 12:05 a.m. Finally past midnight. "Whatever the birthday boy wants," you purred.

—

"He picked up? What did he say, sir?" Traute asked irritably in the event staff area, where they were waiting to bring out the enormous, decorated cake for the final part of the evening.

Uri chuckled, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "I think he’s already celebrating. Let’s just carry on."

(No idea what this is, the idea just pop up in my mind)

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-12345 @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[initialchains]

would you? | luke castellan.

pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader

summary: luke slowly starts to lose himself but that won’t stop you from reminding him of what truly matters.

wc: 2.6k

warnings: some manipulating and gaslighting if you squint and probably spoilers for the first book but they’re not explicitly mentioned.

a/n: HAPPY HOLIDAYS !! here’s luke as a gift <33 i’ve never written for luke before but he’s my favorite pjo character bc hes such an interesting and complex character aghh. sorry if this isnt as fluffy as you would all want, i promise i’m working on some real luke fluff.

The rays of the rising sun made the lake look far more beautiful than it always does. Sure, you were used to the warm tones that always engulfed Camp Half-Blood and it’s not like the weather ever really changed, at least not unless the gods willed it to, but the colors of the sun reflecting on the lake, the low hum of the wood nymphs singing, and the distant sounds of laughter coming from campers playing volleyball were strangely comforting. 

Well, as comforting as it can be when you’re trying to find some quiet in the neverending fight that was the demigod life. It gets tiring, it always does. The fighting, the studying, the adoration of gods who didn’t even bother to give their children a sign of them caring. It was all so exhausting. 

But there was peace in this small moment. You were sat in front of the lake, your legs crossed as you closed your eyes, trying to enjoy the tranquility of it all. The calm moment didn’t dare to stop your hand from finding a home in the clay beads of your camp necklace and twirling them around, a seemingly normal act to anyone who saw you, that actually was a sign of you being aware of your surroundings, a small sign of the fear you carried around, a fear that had you always prepared to draw your sword in any given moment. Not ever fully in peace. Not unless Luke was there. 

“So you decided to start your morning without me? Ouch,” You turned your head at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, “A knock on my cabin’s door would’ve been enough, you know?”.

“Yeah? And risk waking the million campers that sleep in there? No, thank you. I would like to stay alive for a few more years, please.” You replied with a small smile, looking up to meet Luke’s eyes, his scar being more prominent in the morning, a red color adorning the edges of it.  

He snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes before taking a seat next to you. He was silent for a moment until he muttered softly, “This is a nice view.”

“Oh, definitely. The lake always looks beautiful when the sun hits it the right way. I need to give the Apollo cabin their congratulations and some flowers for having a talented father.” You answered, your hand moving away from your necklace to hold Luke’s.

“Of course, you make my pick-up line about the gods. Can you give me a win over here? I’m trying my best.” He said with a smirk before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. It was a strange sort of thing he always did, even before you two started dating, he’d always find an excuse to hold your hand and give it a quick kiss. 

“I wasn’t going to let you get away with using a corny pick-up line on me, Castellan. At least be original with it.” A giggle escaped your lips, “Also, everything is about the gods, I thought you’d be used to it by this point.”

His face fell for a fleeting second, but he was quick to mask it with a small smile. “Right, everything always is about the gods.” Luke’s eyes moved away from your face, nervously glancing at the lake after his statement. 

You frowned when you heard the tone he used, he sounded almost.. bitter? You couldn’t even explain it. Luke had been acting weird ever since the camp came back from their annual visit to Mount Olympus on the winter solstice. At first, you thought it had something to do with Hermes being a total dick and ignoring him the entire night, not even bothering to give his son a pat on the back or a nod. But you’ve known Luke long enough to know he was past caring about what his father did, he was indifferent to what Hermes did–to what any of the gods did. 

The two of you were silent, sitting side by side in front of the lake in deep thought. He was thinking about gods know what, and you were busy trying to understand what was going on inside his mind. You decided to break the silence first, “You okay?”.

“I’m fine, baby. Don’t worry about it.” 

He was quick to answer. It was almost as if he had rehearsed it and had it scripted beforehand. It was almost as if someone else had told him what to answer. As if he was under someone else's guidance. Under someone else's control. 

“Are you sure? Because it feels like you’re.. I don't know, keeping something from me?” 

“I’m not keeping anything from you. I’m not keeping a single thing.”

“Right. Sorry for asking.”

Luke closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair and took some deep breaths, his chest moving up and down in a nonexistent rhythm, it was urgent and angry. He took a few more breaths, trying to calm himself before finally meeting your eyes again. 

“I’ve told you countless times to never apologize to me if you haven’t done anything wrong,” He reminded you of the conversation you’ve had millions of times, “Don’t ever apologize to me if you haven’t physically hurt me or something, alright? You’re fine. We’re fine.” 

He continued, “I’d trust you with my life given the chance. I’m not keeping anything from you, angel. You have to trust me.” 

“I do.” 

You didn’t see your boyfriend at all the following days. He always brushed you off by being busy with training or helping Annabeth plan for this week’s capture the flag. You weren’t the only one to notice his slight change of temper and personality, some campers from the Hermes cabin noticed it too. 

He kept pushing harder on his siblings, always insisting on them doing better. He was more violent than usual during capture the flag, not thinking about it twice before proving why he is the most talented swordsman in the last 300 years.

There was also this one time he volunteered to spar with a new camper.. it didn’t go well. He kept doing new maneuvers and techniques most campers didn’t even recognize, refusing to go easy on the poor thirteen year old girl. When you asked him about it, confused at the way he went too hard on the newbie, he answered with a dry “Where’s the glory in that? She needs to be prepared for what’s about to come.” It sounded as if he knew some kind of danger was approaching. As if it was a matter of life and death for the camper to learn how to fight against him.

You decided it was enough when you saw him skipping his daily chat with Annabeth, deciding he would rather sit by himself on the steps of the Big House for a little while. 

The walk from your cabin to the Big House was filled with self-doubt and twirling the beads of your necklace, you were nervous to face your boyfriend, which was stupid because he was the last person you’d ever expect to feel nervous with. When you arrived to the steps of the Big House and saw him sitting there, your mind went completely blank. 

You sat next to him and asked the first thing that came to your mind, “Would you rather fight 3000 ant-sized chimeras or a chimera-sized ant?”. 

An amused laugh bubbled up from Luke’s chest before he turned his head to face you, a smile taking over his handsome face. “I’ll take the 3000 chimeras, no doubt.” 

You smiled back at him, ready to ask him the question you spent the last thirty minutes planning, but before you could open your mouth he said, “Would you rather not be able to consume ambrosia and nectar for the rest of your life or.. see Mr. D without a shirt?”

You threw your head back with laughter, your face going red thanks to the lack of air in your lungs due to the laughs coming out of you, “I’d rather bleed to death without ambrosia than see Mr. D with a shirt.”

“Ditto.”

You decided to indulge in this back-and-forth game, after all, you hadn’t been able to have a real conversation with your boyfriend in days... you’ll take what you can get, “Would you rather not be able to leave camp ever again or turn against the gods?” 

“It would be boring to spend the rest of my life capturing a flag and growing strawberries… so I guess my answer is pretty obvious.” He answered while fidgeting with his fingers.

“You’d choose to turn against the gods?”

“Yup.”

“Huh, I guess capture the flag would be pretty hard when you’re pushing 90.”

Luke was silent, running his eyes through your face before asking, “Would you?”

“Would I what?”

He took a deep breath before replying, “Turn against the gods.”

You were silent for a few seconds, biting your lip and staring into Luke’s eyes, wondering if there was a right answer to this metaphorical question. You decided to give him an answer he’d like but also an answer you meant, “I’d go wherever you go. It doesn’t matter if it is a farm in the middle of nowhere or to the pits of Tartarus. If you’re there... count me in.” 

Luke cleared his throat and a serious look took over his face, “Sure, but if the time to make a choice came… would you go against them?”.

His persistence to try and get you to answer his question was making you nervous. The more he asked you about it, the more it looked like he was genuinely considering it. 

A nervous laugh escaped your lips as you nervously played with one of the beads on your camp necklace. He took notice of it. Of course he did, he knew more about you than anyone, probably even more than you know yourself. 

Luke stayed silent at that, a somber look taking over his features, you could tell there was a turmoil happening inside his head. It was almost as if he wanted to let you in on a secret, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“I... um. Well, I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon—at least not in our lifetime. But like I said, I’d go wherever you go, to Tartarus and back.” 

That brought a smile to Luke’s face, he looked into your eyes, probably looking for signs of you lying but finding none, and took your hand away from your necklace, lacing your fingers with his and pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. “To Tartarus and back, baby.” 

He brought your hands down before leaning in to kiss you on the lips. There was a sense of necessity to feel your lips against his, he kissed you like the feeling of your lips was his only shot at salvation. He raised his hand to cup your cheek and deepen the kiss, craving the heat he only got whenever he kissed you.

You stopped him before he could take the kiss any further, “Luke, we’re in the middle of camp. There are children around us, if you want to make out at least take me to our spot behind the stables. Holy shit.”

Luke took a second to steady his breathing, “Sorry, angel. I’ll make sure to keep your suggestion in mind for later, though.”

“Shut the hell up, Castellan.”

The two of you spent the rest of your day being busy working on your own stuff. Luke was still sparring with some campers who were brave enough to go against him, and you were hanging out with the Dionysus cabin while they helped grow more strawberries. 

 You found Chris sitting in the amphitheater and asked him if he had seen your boyfriend, he replied with an annoyed, “He’s probably in bed or something, I don’t know.” You decided to not ask Chris if he was okay and walked straight to the Hermes cabin.

A knock on the wooden door was enough to wake your boyfriend up, you were aware of it when you heard a muffled, “Come in”. You found Luke sitting on his bed, his sword in hand while he sharpened it.

So he wasn’t asleep at all, you thought.

“Careful with the sharp part of the blade.” He looked up from his sword when he heard your melodic voice, your words snapping him out of the trance he was in.

“Oh, hi.” Luke put the sword down next to his bunk and moved to lie down, leaving a space next to him for you to join him. He hummed when you laid down next to him, giving a kiss to his shoulder blade and wrapping your arms around his torso. 

He turned to face you, pressing his lips to your forehead with a soft sigh. His eyes closed at the sensation while his hands traveled to your back, looking for ways to hold you closer. His features relaxing when he finally touched your skin. 

You couldn’t keep this weird tension going on between you two, so you decided to bite first, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Once again, he replied in an almost scripted and mechanical way, “Talk about what?”

“The winter solstice visit, you’ve been acting.. different ever since we came back to camp.” 

Luke stiffened next to you, it made your heart drop. You’ve been dating him for a year now, and he had never been this cold—this uncomfortable around you. 

“I just... I think things are about to change.” He replied in a low murmur, his eyes closing again when you brought your hand up to caress his face, softly tracing his scar with your thumb in a delicate and loving way. Luke let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding when he felt your fingers on his skin.

A smirk made its way to your face, “Change? yeah, in your dreams, Castellan. Campers will keep arriving and only 5 percent of them will get claimed, and the others will get thrown into your cabin.. like things always are and always will be. That’s not changing anytime soon.” 

Luke’s hand traced up and down your back in a soothing manner, “Yeah, maybe they won’t. Forget I even said that.” 

“Just because they won’t change, it doesn’t mean we have to accept it, you know?”Luke's eyes snapped up from your hands to meet your gaze, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“I’m sorry?”

“We’re all on the same team here. Sure, the gods will never claim most of the campers and we will all probably die before we’re old enough to have children of our own... but is that really all that matters? We have each other. We don’t need them as long as we have the people we love with us.”

Luke tilted his head to the right to press a kiss to the palm of your hand that was caressing his cheek, “I don’t need the gods as long as I have you.” 

“Good to know we’re on the same page, Castellan.”

The two of you went out for a small walk by the lake and sat together in the dining pavilion at night. Your small conversation probably made Luke feel better because he was quick to go back to being himself, he kept greeting every camper he saw and holding your hand, not forgetting to kiss the back of it whenever he had the chance. 

Maybe it was you reassuring him about the love you had for him or maybe it was him being aware of you being willing to drop the gods at any time just to be with him, but he was completely normal during the following days, weeks, and months.

You were sure of it when you saw him walking around with the new arrival five months later, Luke seemed so excited to be showing him around. You greeted the new camper with a small smile when he introduced himself with a “Hi, I’m Percy Jackson.”

[inotakumagf]

a skater boy’s dream girl

✶ ino takuma x reader

word count ✺ 2K

summary ✺ ino takuma is a hopeless romantic, but that never hurt anyone

warning ✺ none! very cute, very fluffy jujutsu college au. title insinuates fem reader, but the actual fic is gn!

Ino Takuma is tired. He spent his entire evening in Jujutsu University's massive library, working on a research paper that his professor had assigned in one of his stupid required courses. He feels useless when it comes to research papers, because it’s impossible for him to put all his jumbling, complicated thoughts into a neat essay. And Takuma knows he’s smart. He’d just rather show it through his actions instead of his words, because he’s always had a hard time with those. 

His degree advisor, Professor Nanami, has been helping him by editing his papers and guiding him through the research process. But the two have realized that Takuma’s ADHD is tricky to accommodate. Takuma is just lucky that his advisor cares so much to help him anytime he needs. Except for tonight.

Professor Nanami apologized to him earlier in the day about it, pushing his glasses up and citing “other preoccupations for the night”. If someone asked Takuma to bet money on it, he’d say his mentor has a date. Not that he’d ask, but he’s so stoked for his professor that he’d assured him he’d be fine making progress on the paper all on his own. And even as he laments his lackluster writing session, he’s glad Nanami is enjoying his personal life away from the university. 

It’s on his way out of the library that he bumps into you for the first time. He practically runs into the elevator, pressing hard on the button for the first floor. He hears you call out for him to hold the door. Despite the fact that Takuma is half-dead on his feet, he’s not the kind of person to stare at someone as the elevator doors close. So he sticks his arm out and holds it until you hop in. You have a stack of binders and books in one arm and a laptop bag slung over the other shoulder. 

You gasp out, “Thanks. These elevators take forever to come back up.”

Takuma hums in agreement and scoots to the edge of the elevator to give you space. His stomach is doing a million kickflips at the sight of you. He’s never seen you on campus before, there’s no way he has. Because he would definitely remember someone as attractive as you. He ignores his stuttering heart and stares down at his feet. He really needs to get back to his dorm without making a fool of himself. 

The elevator stops again, and a girl walks in. She seems to recognize you, because the two of you start talking about a shared class. Takuma has no idea what kind of class this is, but he’s admittedly kind of obsessed with you already so he pulls his phone out to Google it. He pouts at the fact that this course is just about the opposite of his own major. So there’s no chance he can see you more often, not unless he stalks you.

The elevator starts going up, and Takuma has to hold in a groan. He really, really just wants to get in his own bed tonight. It takes them up three floors for the girl’s stop. Once she’s out of the elevator, Takuma leans forwards to spam the first floor button a couple of times. It’s silent the rest of the way as the ancient elevator takes its time going down. 

“Think I’ve aged a couple years in here. Would’ve been faster to ride a tortoise down the stairs,” Takuma says, only slightly regretting the nonsense he spouts. 

But you laugh softly, and he thinks he’d do anything to hear it again and again. The elevator stops at the second floor, and you shift your stack of material. You give him a small smile and slight incline of your head as you step out of the elevator. 

There’s a moment where he pauses, like he’s trying not to overthink what he’s gonna do next. As the door starts to close, he sticks out his arm and steps out so that he can talk to you and maybe ask you out if he pulls together the confidence. He looks around the hallway of this floor, peeking into each of the windowed rooms and looking down different halls in hopes of spotting you. But it’s like you’ve disappeared into thin air, because he can’t find you at all. He deflates and decides to call it a loss before he starts to feel like a creep, taking the elevator back to the first floor so he can finally head back to his dorm where he’s supposed to be.

He knows he shouldn’t, but he returns to the library around the same time every day for the next two weeks, hoping that he’ll see you again. But he has no luck, and each night brings the same feeling of disappointment. He wants to kick himself for not just talking to you when he had the chance laid out so perfectly for him. He considers finding the building that your class is held in, but he has no idea what day or time you would be there. It makes him feel like too much of a pathetic loser, so he’s given up hope completely. 

Even Nanami had asked him about his change in mood over the last few weeks, and Takuma doesn’t want to admit to his advisor that he’s this much of a hopeless romantic. He blames his behavior on all of the Julia Roberts rom-coms he’s been binge watching lately. 

He must not be watching enough rom-coms, though. Because Takuma doesn’t think that he would be running you over with his skateboard if this was a rom-com.

But it happens as he’s skating in the grassy square on the main campus, on one of the cobbled pathways that connect the many class buildings that surround the square. He has his headphones on, so he doesn’t notice when you run perpendicular across his path all of a sudden. You don’t notice him either, because clearly you’re rushing somewhere. 

The two of you tumble onto the patch of grass beside the path at the impact. It takes a few moments for the both of you to sit up and separate your tangled mess of limbs. Immediately, you start apologizing at the same time. Takuma’s hand twitches as he thinks of helping you up, but you cross your legs and don’t look like you want to get up right away. So he folds his legs and just enjoys your presence.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I really should be better at looking where I’m going. Nanami tells me all the time I’ll knock someone over with how I skate, and it looks like he was right as always.”

You shake your head. “No, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have been running like that.”

Takuma’s heart stutters as he tries to work up the courage to ask you out. He should say something, because he might never get the chance again. But his mouth is embarrassingly dry right now.

It’s okay, because you fill the silence when he can’t. “You have Professor Nanami? Ugh, you’re lucky.”

Takuma perks up. Now this is a topic he’s good at. “Yeah, He’s the greatest! He’s been my mentor for a year now, and I’d be toast without him. There’s not a single professor that can come close to his level.”

“Sounds like you have a crush on him,” you tease. 

The tips of Takuma’s ears turn red at your words, and you laugh at the effect your words have on him. 

“It’s okay,” you assure him, “everyone has a crush on Professor Nanami. It would be weird if you didn’t.”

“Even you?” He regrets his words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, and he pulls his beanie over his head in hopes that the ground will mercifully swallow him up. 

But you just laugh and say, “Yeah, he is pretty attractive. But he’s not really my type.” 

Takuma nods absentmindedly, feeling a bit dejected. If Professor Nanami—who is the most attractive man ever in Takuma’s opinion—is not your type, then any chance he had with you is six feet under.

 “Oh,” he says, still stuck in his thoughts. 

When you don’t say anything, he looks up at you and his heart spikes when he finds you staring at him intently. You brush some stray strands of hair away from your face and tug your bottom lip into your mouth to chew on, almost…nervously? Takuma isn’t an idiot, and the realization of your words and your behavior hit him like a truck. 

“Oh! I–hah.” He feels like a blubbered, blushing mess, but you pout a little (so cute, he can’t help but think) and stand up shakily. 

You brush off dirt from your knees and say, “Well, anyways, sorry about that.”

Takuma’s brain starts working a second after, and he stares at you in horror when he realizes you think he’s rejected you. He reject you? It’s absurd, and yet he’s staring at your retreating form. 

He grabs his board off the ground and rushes after you. “Wait!” 

You turn to look at him. He pants and waves his hands around as he tries to explain. “I, uh, can I take you out for coffee? I sort of owe you after nearly mowing you down back there,” he tries to joke. 

But that adorable frown still graces your lips. “You don’t owe me anything, it’s fine. I should have looked where I was going.” 

Takuma would be banging his head against a wall if there was one nearby. He's never been smart with his words, and it’s biting him in the ass. “No, no, no. I–sorry, I’m really bad at this. Shit.” He rubs his hands over his face and lightly slaps his cheeks to reset himself. 

“I think you’re really pretty and I’ve been thinking about you, like, all week. I’ve even been going back to the library to see you and I thought I never would, but here you are! And I’m ruining it by being stupid. But–but I really do like you, and I’m not doing this ‘cause I have to, I just really, really want to see you again. I–oh, sorry.” 

He finally catches himself mid-ramble as you stare at him with an unreadable expression. “I ruined any chances I had with you, didn’t I?” He pouts and slumps a little, looking down at his scuffed Vans. 

You tilt your head sideways so that your face returns to his line of sight. “No, I think it’s adorable.” 

Takuma’s head peeks up hopefully. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. And I’d love to get coffee with you.”

Takuma grins and pumps his fist. “Sweet! I mean, yeah that’s–that’s cool. I’ll see you then?”

You laugh at the very terrible job he does of hiding his excitement. “Are you gonna ask for my number? So that we can make these plans of yours?”

Takuma tucks his head in embarrassment. “Uh, yeah. Here, I can put my number in your phone.”

You smile softly at Takuma when he does. “Text me?”

Takuma nods, paying attention only in part. He’s way too distracted by your smile and the way you look at him and the way you play with your phone. He’s distracted by just about everything about you. He rubs the back of his head and turns his head away slightly to alleviate his embarrassment.

You coo at the way he shows his embarrassment. “I have to get to class now, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Takuma blinks slowly at your words. “Yeah, I’ll see you soon.”

He kind of just stands there even after you wave and continue on your way. He only blinks to attention when he gets a text notification on his phone. He thinks he blacks out when he sees your message.

i think you’re really pretty too :)

[nottswitch]

— love, t ; part I

chapter summary: there’s a new coffee shop that has just opened on the street next to yours, and after a long day of work, you wonder if their cappuccino holds up. turns out, it’s not just their cappucino, but also a cute italian barista.

pairing: barista!theo x reader

cw: modern!au, muggle!au, lots of cliché fluff, cursing, barista!pansy

wc: 2.4k

a/n: the first part of this cutie, for all my fluff lovers!! there’s not gonna be anything difficult happening, no moral conflicts, no grey areas, nothing. just pure, raw, unadulterated cuteness. enjoy <3 no taglist!

⟡ navigation ; m.lists ; theo m.list ; series m.list

The wind was biting, tingling your cheeks as you hurried along the street, pulling the collar of your coat up in a rather futile attempt to shield yourself from the wrath of the quiet beast that was British November. A curse after curse towards yourself was swirling in your head over and over again for not bothering to properly check the location of your rented apartment a year ago. If you had half a brain to do that, you would’ve noticed its unacceptably large distance from the nearest bus stops and underground stations. Even worse, the area was devoid of any type of coziness, leaving you to stroll between the dark walls of brick and glass along with similarly sullen people unwilling to meet your eyes with theirs.

A quivering flicker of warmth caught your eye when you dared to look up from the dampened pavement underneath your feet, just to be met with a chilly gust of air making your eyes water. Through the blur you could distinguish the warmth getting closer and closer, until you were standing right underneath several strings of fairy lights forming sparkling bridges between the trees to you left and the building to your right.

Toasted & Roasted.

Your eyebrow twitched up in surprise at the unfamiliar sign, the lightness of it contrasting so harshly against the bleak background of your area of residence. Your gaze travelled lower, noting the glimpses of the cozy exterior visible through the panoramic windows and a similarly tall glass door. A hot cup of coffee sounded delightful right now, plus, it had been a while since something good appeared anywhere in your vicinity. Without thinking twice, your body turned right, your feet already making swift steps towards the most inviting door you’d seen in a while. In a few seconds that lasted an eternity, the door shut out the cold and the slowly but surely commencing drizzle, and you were finally enveloped by delicious scents of coffee and pastries and mellow music streaming through the homely space around you.

The bar counter was straight across from the entrance, with the usual menu on the wall above it. You made a beeline towards it, taking off the beanie warming your head up until now and untangling the mess of knots that was your scarf, hastily wrapped around your neck about an hour ago. Your curious eyes were skimming the menu and the see-through display with different cakes and pastries teasing your senses when you heard a voice coming from behind the counter.

“Welcome to Roasted & Toasted, how can I help you to–”

A head of brown curls emerged from behind the cash register. The seemingly confident voice trailed off at the last word, widened ocean eyes fixed on your face, lips parted and sucking in a silent but sharp breath.

“–day.”

The ending came out in a breath. A noticeable Italian accent registered in your brain, and you filed away this thought to remember later, for reasons you couldn’t quite grasp yet. The guy behind the counter straightened up, running a hand through his messily pristine hair that fell onto his forehead despite the effort, and flashed you a wide charming smile, a stark difference from the shock written on his face just a few seconds ago (to which you were completely oblivious).

“It’s on the house,” he blurted out before you even had the chance to speak, with the confidence of someone who had just had the whole world laid at his feet. “Your order’s on the house,” he repeated, as if he liked the way the words rolled off his tongue and was proud of himself for saying it.

“Um…”

You hummed to compensate for your lack of proper response – it was the first time you were bombarded with a free drink right after walking into a new coffee place, and before you could even place the order.

“You have a special offer?” you prompted, trying to make sense of the sudden generosity. The guy’s smile widened, making the corners and the underside of his eyes burst into crinkles that you found adorable way too fast for having seen him for the first time.

“We do,” he answered a bit too quickly, which, again, completely went over your head. “Special offers for special clients,” he added with a wink, which made you bite the inside of your cheek to stop your mouth from producing uncontrollable giggles, already born deep in your chest and making their way up your throat. You were certain you hadn’t seen any special offer promos on the outside, which could only mean one thing – you had just become a subject of rather shameless flirting.

“Well, that’s… good.” You cleared your throat, still coming to terms with the fact that the cute barista had just flirted with you. At the back of your mind, there was knowledge that you had to make an order, but words seemed to escape you for the moment, so you decided to busy yourself with looking through the menu above the counter again.

The guy followed your gaze and a smirk appeared on his lips, one that could easily be mistaken for a simple smile if you didn’t look close enough. “Fancy anything?” he asked, raising his eyebrow just a bit in a politely curious manner, though there was something behind the watercolour of his eyes that you couldn’t quite name – or couldn’t make sense of yet. “We have the pumpkin spice, the autumn classic,” he started, his smirk widening at the sight of your eyes intently fixed on his. “But I’d personally suggest a lavender latte as your first “Roasted & Toasted” experience.”

You completely missed every single word that the guy said, entranced by the sound of his voice – you didn’t know voices like that even existed. When the last syllable came out of his mouth, you shook your head, feeling heat treacherously creeping up your cheeks at the realization that you had zero idea what he had just said.

“I, um… I’ll just have a cappuccino.” You gave him a smile that you tried to make look as far from sheepish as possible. Your usual order seemed like a pretty safe option in your slightly dazed state. “No sugar, salted caramel syrup, please.”

A low chuckle in the guy’s voice sounded like music, another detail you duly noted and stored in a totally new folder in your brain with “cute Italian barista” as a title. Why it was there was a question you had no answer to and frankly, didn’t want to busy your mind with. It was occupied enough with staring him down as his lips formed words you didn’t understand.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. A cappuccino this late in the day," he tutted, his tone coming out as a soft scold. You didn’t get it at first, but the heat in your cheeks increased in temperature, even though you tried to keep a distant yet polite exterior appropriate for the barista-client interaction. It was getting increasingly hard, though, with the way the guy’s eyes were scanning your face. "You English lot have it that bad, huh?"

"Uh… I guess."

You gave him a small shrug, trying your best to hide your flustered state. Noticing it nonetheless, the barista chuckled once more and his smirk finally softened.

"Sorry, just my Italian blood," he explained, looking down at the counter and shaking his head, the tiny action making the his curls bounce from side to side. Then, he glanced up again, his lashes almost hiding his magnetizing eyes from view, which you found endearing and slightly annoying at the same time. "You’re making me commit a deadly sin, I hope you know that."

You couldn’t help a giggle of your own this time, confusion slowly making way for a strange feeling of giddiness.

"Noted," you answered, tilting you head to the side a bit as you continued studying the wonder that was the guy behind the counter. "Won’t repeat the mistake again. Don’t want you indulging in blasphemy…" You took a quick look at the badge on his uniform apron. "…Theodore."

If you were attentive enough, you would see a slight bob of his Adam’s apple right after you called out his name. He quickly schooled himself back into the charming smile he was sporting, a nod of his head serving as a sign of his acknowledgment.

"No, no, it’s fine,” he reassured you in a playful manner. "Like I said, a special offer for a special client." Another wink made your heart do a leap, the bounds of your chest suddenly seeming too restrictive. "And it’s Theo, alright? Theodore makes me feel like a grandpa."

"Alright, Theo."

The name seemed a pleasant hum on your lips, which Theo himself seemed to agree with, if his content smile was any indication.

"I assume you’re taking your coffee here," he noted, briefly glancing at the window behind you. Outside, the drizzle intensified, turning into a full-on shower rattling against the ground and seeping through the soft sound of music inside the coffee shop.

"You would be correct," you confirmed, also taking a look behind your shoulder and realizing that the weather was as horrible for being out in the street as it was perfect for a quiet hour inside, with a cup of coffee and a book to keep you occupied.

"Great. I just need your name now. For the order," Theo added in a hurry, as if he needed to clarify, which he quickly masked with a nonchalant smile. You didn’t put much significance into it, not in the mood to overthink, as it usually happened with your racing mind.

Theo scribbled down your name on a piece of paper and tucked the pen into the front pocket of his apron, smoothing it out.

"Be right up."

Your hand automatically reached for your card, but then you stilled it in the air, remembering the ‘on the house’ part. Giving Theo a slightly awkward nod, you made your way to a quaint table right next to the window, taking off your coat and settling into the plush chair.

"Nott? The fuck was that, huh?"

"Pansy, shut up for a damn second, will you?"

Theo rolled his eyes, fumbling with the buttons on the coffee machine to start up a cappuccino. His movements were precise, if not a bit tense, since the haze of his interaction dissipated, and he was left alone with his dear but annoying friend-turned-colleague. Pansy had been watching the whole thing from the small kitchen, hidden by the curtain, and as soon as you left for your table, she started on her relentless journey to tease the hell out of Theodore.

"I’m just being real here. You were making heart eyes at her." Pansy raised her eyebrow in mock amusement; while Theo’s flirty nature wasn’t a surprise for her, the way he was acting with you was certainly different from his usual getting-the-girl antics.

"Yeah, well, you’re just pissed you can’t hog all the pretty girls to yourself," Theo quipped, refusing to acknowledge the blush that was firmly set on his cheeks at the mention of his ‘heart eyes’ – he was all too aware that he was, in fact, making them, and he wasn’t doing a good job at hiding it, either.

Pansy let out a short chuckle, pushing herself off the doorframe to wipe the counter clean – just in case their annoying wench of a manager decided she had another problem with that.

"You’re not mad about… Jennifer? Juniper? Are you?" she asked, her voice obviously teasing. At that, Theo grumbled under his breath, something about her not even remembering the name, but there was no bite to his words. He already forgot all about the girl from earlier in the day that Pansy swooped in to charm; no, from now on he had a one track mind, and its destination was sitting so cozily next to the window, it made his heart beat faster at every stolen glance.

Theo tried to stop his hand from trembling while he worked on making your coffee as appealing as possible. Latte art on a cappuccino should’ve been easy enough, he’s had tons of practice both at work and at home, but for some reason, he needed to make yours especially beautiful. Pansy watched him with rapt attention, an amused smirk never leaving her lips.

"You’re really going all out, aren’t you?” she chimed in as Theo cursed when his hand swayed left, making an unwanted streak appear on the foamy surface. "Theodore Nott actually trying for a girl. Who would’ve thought."

"Shut. The hell. Up," he gritted through clenched teeth, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he created another elegant swirl, one he was rather pleased with. He leaned back to admire his creation – you should like it, there was no way you wouldn’t.

Your head snapped to the left when you heard your name being called in that voice you had grown to miss in the last few minutes, while Theo was busy making your coffee. A smile appeared on your face, as if your lips had a mind of their own, and so did your legs, if the skip in your steps on the way to the counter had anything to say about it.

"There you go. Salted caramel, no sugar."

Theo carefully placed a beige cup on top of the bar counter, dusting off his hands while watching you reaction with what he hoped was a casual expression. It wasn’t that in the slightest, and you would notice, if your own mind wasn’t preoccupied with trying to behave like a functioning human being and not a smitten teenage girl.

"You’re… quite talented," you commented on the coffee art, your efforts to keep yourself in check as futile as Theo’s. A wider smile was hurting your cheeks with the force it was threatening to escape with, and you gave up, allowing yourself to grin like an absolute idiot.

"I am quite talented with my hands, yes," Theo replied, immediately cursing himself for the double meaning he didn’t intend to bring into the conversation. His usual smoothness seemed to evade him in your presence, but the prettiest twinkle in your eyes and the way you looked to the side was a reward he wasn’t sure he deserved.

Theodore Nott was many things, and stupid wasn’t one of them. Until he met you, that is. Only when the door closed behind your back did he realize that he forgot to ask for your phone number. He ran a hand over his face, frustrated, mad at himself and left to pray to everything that was holy that you would pop by again.

[tetzoro]

☽◯☾ - PEEPING TENDOU

꒰ synopsis ꒱ : He’s always been obsessed with you, but now he finally has the chance to show you how good you’d be together. Hopefully you'll wake up soon to realize it.

꒰ contents ꒱ : MDNI. Please read the tags. tendou satori x reader ; noncon, somno, elements of coercion, mentions of ex!ushijima, slight degradation, fingering, unprotected sex — WC : 961

⭑ 𓂃 ꒰ Waning Gibbous ! ꒱ — Kinktober Masterlist ! written for the @ficsforgaza kinktober. please check out the other works by the amazing creators !

Tendou never thought he’d find himself in such a precarious situation. Curled up in your bed, you were a vision with the way your eyelashes kissed your pretty cheeks, mouth slightly parted open as your chest rose and fell. The sight alone shouldn’t have made him ache so badly, an egregious desire coursing through his veins.

The soft, almost seductive glow of moonlight poured into the room, caressing your skin in ways that he could only dream of. A nasty streak of jealousy stung at his heart as he envied all of the things that have touched you so intimately before him.

The two of you had been in the same friend group for years since you dated Ushijima. He'd find every reason to be around you constantly, admiring you from afar and silently cursing his best friend under his breath for getting to you first. Lucky bastard.

It was okay though, he’d find himself by your door many times, furiously pumping his cock to the sounds of the two of you together. He'd try his best to drown out Ushijima’s deep grunts in favor of focusing on how you’d mewl over him, begging him for more.

After he had moved to Paris, he had heard whisperings of the big breakup. Something about Ushijima putting volleyball first and setting off to chase his goals — an act Tendou would’ve never committed. Not if he had you. 

But as fate would have it, Ushijima had sent him an invite to his next big game and booked the flight as soon as he heard you were going — trying to get back with him no doubt. 

Tendou was overjoyed that you were going to let him sleep on your couch in your little apartment in the city. His thoughts flooded with grand delusions on how maybe you’ve changed your mind and wanted him instead, even though you were hosting the majority of the old high school pals – including Ushijima.

But now that he’s back where he belongs, right by your side, he can’t help but crave so much more than his lust-filled daydreams as he watches you sleep right inside the sanctuary of your bedroom.

Surely it wouldn’t hurt if he were to touch himself right now. His wide, wild eyes fixated on the sliver of skin that peeked out from the thin sheet. It was all too tempting, something nudging him forward to act on his impulses.

His slender, lithe fingers slid down his boxers, gripping his half-hard cock and giving it a few hesitant pumps to further bring it to life.

It’s all he wanted to do — really, he didn’t plan on more. But when you shifted in your sleep, revealing the all too thin shorts you had on paired with no underwear underneath, well. He could only resist so much.

Careful not to disturb you, Tendou crawls onto the bed, slightly gripping your thighs and prying them open. The fabric of your shorts was loose enough that he could see your pretty little pussy. Unable to stop himself, his fingers reach out for you, caressing your glistening slit.

He hardly falters when you stir in your sleep, red eyes flitting up to you as you let out the breathiest moan he’s ever had the pleasure of hearing. And he wanted more.

Slipping a digit in, he slowly pumps it in as his other hand focuses on his cock. Everything about you was so sweet, so vulnerable. A beautiful flower ready to be plucked, the fruits of his labor finally ripe for the taking.

Surely you must’ve wanted this, right? You were the one that slept without underwear, that left your door cracked open – just for him. 

And your messy cunt seems to agree, your essence already easily coating his finger. The sounds of your arousal filled the room and drew him in, his nose brushing along your clit so he could take it in his mouth. 

The sounds you let out drove him forward, desperate hips now humping the mattress with a need too great he can’t bother to hold back anymore.

Tucking your pants to the side, he hastily lines himself up, sinking into you with a low groan of your name. The sudden pressure caused you to stir once again, this time your eyes snapping open to the sight before you. 

Tendou’s palm slaps against your mouth as he continues sliding in. Your wide eyes were struck with a swirl of surprise and horror, already brimming with tears as he pushed deeper into you.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Tendou all but coos.  “Not a peep from you.”

You attempted to gasp out his name but with the way his fingers curled into your cheek and dug into your plush skin, it came out as a panicked jumble of a cry. The fear in your voice only spurred him on, cock pulsing as he began to thrust into you. He felt your walls constrict around him, welcoming him in despite your feeble attempt to push him off of you. 

But you just kept trying to make noise.

“Quiet.” He hissed, his patience starting to wear thin. “Do you really want to wake everyone up? Have Ushiwaka come and see you like this? Desperate? Pathetic?”

You stop squirming, eyes widening even more. He had you right where he wanted you and let out a little chuckle at how easy it was. He really should’ve done this sooner had he known how quickly you’d give in.

“You can be good for me, can’t you?” His voice switches back to something sugary as he grunts with every slow roll of his hips. “The only thing I want to hear out of that pretty little mouth are those sweet moans I know you’re capable of making.”

[pancakeszs]

falling asleep on jjk men’s lap

♡ nanami, gojo, geto, choso, sukuna x fem!reader (separate)

♡ synopsis : watching a movie and falling asleep on their lap

♡ word count: 0.7k

♡ a/n: im sorry that i didn’t write for toji i just didn’t think i could do him justice since i don’t know much about him. i might make a part two but with the first and second years! thank you for reading. ♡

WRITTEN BY @pancakeszs (please do not copy, plagiarize, repost, translate, or edit)

nanami ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

nanami silently watches as Amy has her famous speech about women’s rights in Little Women and turns to look at you, knowing it’s one of your favorite scenes. to his surprise he finds you asleep, your head had been resting on his lap but he hadn’t noticed how your breaths turned shallow and evened out. he thinks for a moment about whether he should get up to finish some paperwork or let you rest.

you slowly turn over in your sleep and he stares at your beautiful face. the soft contours and curves around your cheekbones and mouth, your locks of hair flowing around your face. he can’t bring himself to wake you up, but mostly he just wants to marvel at you a little longer. his beautiful wife.

gojo ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

“honestly, i would’ve gotten into the van too. he had balloons and everything! it looked really inviting if you ask me.” gojo says as you both watch The Black Phone together. well he was watching it, you had fallen fast asleep on his lap.

he looks down at you realizing that you’re not shushing him and telling him to just watch the movie. he finds you snoring softly on his lap having fallen asleep only twenty minutes into the movie.

he smiles softly at your sleeping figure as he quietly tries to reach for the remote to pause the movie. after he shuts off the tv he wiggles around on the couch trying to get into a position where he can cuddle you.

from all of the movement you end up waking up groggily, forgetting where you are for a moment. gojo oblivious to your state continues moving, pulling you up to his chest so he can wrap his arms around your waist.

you don’t say anything, not wanting him to feel bad for waking you up so you snuggle in closer to him and fall back asleep.

geto ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

geto immediately notices that you’ve fallen asleep, your soft snores hit his ear like a melody and the beating of your heart pounding against him like a drum.

the movie is halfway through and has piqued his interest but he doesn’t want to continue it without you. he pauses the movie and runs his fingers through your hair lovingly before gently moving your head from his lap to grab a blanket.

when he comes back to the couch to find you half awake he whispers “i’m sorry love, i just wanted to make you feel comfortable.”

he then scoops you up and brings you to bed, where you lie in each other’s arms until morning.

choso ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

choso wipes the tears from his eyes after finishing the movie you had chosen for your movie night. he looks down at you nestled in his lap to check if you’re crying too, only to find you sound asleep. he holds his breath for a moment worried that any sound might wake you up. he soon lets out a soft breath and watches your angelic face for a moment longer before he gently scoops you up.

he brings you to your shared bedroom and lays you down on the soft bed, climbing in next to you so he can cuddle you properly.

you blink slowly from all of the movement letting out a groggy “choso..?”.

a pang of guilt strikes his heart from waking you up but he begins planting small kisses all around your face while whispering soft apologizes, to lull you back to sleep.

sukuna ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sukuna realizes that the room is oddly quiet and it takes him a moment for him to realize why. it’s because there wasn’t your incessant buzzing in his ear. he looks down at his lap to confirm his suspicion that you fell asleep.

he grumbles about how bold you are to think you can use him as a pillow. after a few minutes he gets over it and pauses the movie because he didn’t even want to watch it in the first place, he only stayed because he wanted to spend time with you. (something he would never admit.)

he doesn’t move, not wanting to hear you whine about being woken up. he eventually falls asleep too, but in the morning he definitely complains about his “uncomfortable” nights sleep. in reality he actually enjoyed feeling your warm presence and how comfortable you feel with him to be able to fall asleep on his lap.

[seasirengirl]

Good morning, a request please from Percy x reader (siblings, not romance) How does Percy react if he discovers that he has a younger twin?His sister was stolen as a baby and grew up in Camp Half-Blood,What will Sally do when she sees her daughter again after so long?

saludos desde la cabaña 3 🐬🐙

FARAWAY REFLECTIONS

pairing: percy jackson x platonic!poseidon!reader

a/n: i absolutely love this request, i hope it’s something you actually enjoy. 🤍

wc: 1.6k

the lord of the sky has made many mistakes in his godly immortal life, especially one of them always stood out. the name of the mistake was

thalia grace.

after the second world war, the oath of not having demigod children has been made and has not been broken for decades, the children were terribly powerful and caused trouble to the universe multiple times, so not having them was the only solution to cause less destruction and war.

zeus was the first to break the oath, for which he received quite the backlash from his elder brothers, hades and poseidon. meaning that his demigod child (which he didn’t have much care for) was constantly in danger by the two major gods.

but turns out that poseidon was next, when he met a woman who changed him for the better, breaking the oath didn’t seem to be much of a problem for him.

but there wasn’t one demigod child.

there was two.

twins, a girl and a boy, which caused much more problems than one could have.

the king of olympus didn’t take this lightly, he decided to get his revenge by doing the worst, separating the twins, but poseidon insisted on keeping the younger twin alive, but the punishment was to sally jackson, the woman poseidon fell in love with.

sally never got to know her daughter, it was told that she didn’t make it, only her son did.

but she was very much alive and safe, in camp half-blood.

when percy turned 12, the monsters started appearing more often, which meant that it was time for him to finally visit the place that sally has tried to keep him from, camp half-blood.

there weren’t many greek demigod children who didn’t have a childhood or some sort of time outside camp half-blood, but you were a special coincidence.

you were basically born and raised in camp half-blood, without a clue on who any of your parents were.

when you got to the age where you could understand such a devastating story, chiron told you that your mother died in childbirth and your father was unknown to everyone.

the guilt you carried was not something an ordinary 12 year old girl should’ve experienced, but like the brave girl you were, you sucked it up, not wanting to show a single sign of weakness to the ares kids who have despised you for quite a while.

percy jackson always wondered what life would be like if his twin sister had survived, if he had someone who was experiencing the same thing as him, life would’ve been so much easier for him.

poseidon, lord of the sea, the earthshaker, the mighty major god has never experienced such guilt in his life. some might say gods are absent of any emotion, but being alive for such a long time has made it much easier to hide their emotions well.

but seeing his little girl silently cry in the hermes cabin every night has broken his heart.

but everything changed the night that sally, percy and grover were driving to long island.

“wait so, my dad is like, one of those guys you told me about? like a greek god?” percy asked curiously, still not believing it.

neither sally or grover answered anymore.

“uh, i don’t think i’m supposed to say this because a certain god might zap me to death, but i have something big to confess.” grover randomly blurted out.

“today can not get crazier, so go ahead.” percy answered, still freaked out about how much has happened that day.

“so percy had a twin sister, right?”

“uh, how do you know that?” percy asked.

“she’s alive, i think.” grover said, trying to form sentences so the bomb he just dropped on the mother and son wouldn’t sound as crazy.

sally stopped the car, grover and percy hit their heads to the backseat.

“excuse me?!” sally yelled out.

“her name is y/n, the only thing chiron actually told me about her is that her last name is jackson and she’s 12 years old, she has been at camp like since birth, i think. ms jackson, keep driving, please.” grover explained, casually.

shock was written on sally jackson’s face, she decided not to say anything, maybe this girl was a coincidence, her baby girl couldn’t be alive, she was gone, but a spark of hope was planted in sally’s heart, her dreams of not losing her daughter were somewhat possible again.

that was before she got turned into dust in the hands of the minotaur.

percy woke up into a random room with a lot of beds in it, the room had the aura of the sun, somehow, everything was decorated in warm tones, except for the comforting light blue sheets on every bed, a girl was standing in the doorway, staring at him.

she had the same black hair as him, her sea green eyes were focused on his, she looked like him.

she slowly walked up to him.

suddenly every memory flashed all at once, greek gods, long island, grover being half-a-donkey, the minotaur, his mother.

oh, and his sister being apparently alive.

“hey, i’m y/n.” you said softly, in a comforting voice, instantly calming him down.

“where am i?” percy asked, confused.

“camp half-blood’s infirmary, wait, did your satyr fill you in on this place?” you asked, slightly worried that you’d scare him away.

“the whole olympian god thing? kind of, yeah.” percy responded, it still felt like a fever dream, and the fact that he was talking to his twin sister for the first time in his entire life didn’t make it easier.

“i’m sorry about your mom, by the way.” you looked at him with genuine support in your eyes.

“our mom.” percy corrected.

“what do you mean?”

“i’m your brother, percy jackson.” percy said, extending his hand for you to shake, he felt bad to drop this all on you, but you had to find out from him, not from anyone else.

“that-, that’s not possible, i don’t have a brother, i don’t have a family, no one.” you were in denial, after 12 years, without a sign of family, this was gonna happen? it wasn’t possible.

“i’m sorry you had to find out this way, but you had to know somehow, grover told me about you being alone for all these years, it isn’t fair to you.” percy flashed a smile to you, but your sweet reunion was interrupted by chiron, camp half-blood’s activities director and your best friend, annabeth chase.

“good morning, percy, i see you’ve met your sister.” chiron said, in a casual voice, as if this whole thing wasn’t the craziest thing you’ve heard in your entire crazy life.

“mr brunner, what? you’re a horse.” right. percy was new here, he had no clue, you remembered that right now.

“a centaur, my boy, you can call me chiron.” he corrected, not feeling offended at all. “now, i think you two should sit down for this.”

a few days have passed, you and percy have gotten claimed at the same time after bullying clarisse and her brothers just like she had tried to bully you two in capture the flag. it was slightly sad that percy had gotten claimed within the first week of being here, but you had to wait your whole life.

it all fell into pieces, poseidon was your father and now you were going on a quest, because apparently you and your brother stole the most powerful weapon in the universe.

maybe zeus should’ve hid it better? besides, you were never known to be sneaky.

after the most exhausting summer of your 12 years of life, you were going home.

you never had a place to call home, aside from camp half-blood, you didn’t have your mother waiting for you to come back from summer camp, but now you do.

your mother, sally jackson, saved herself from the underworld, she was probably just as amazing as percy and your father, (who you finally spoke to, by the way) described her to be.

it was never in your nature to be mad at someone for long, so you quickly understood your father’s reasonings on why you were cast out of your family, even though the beginning of your life wasn’t great, percy promised to make it better in the future, with a welcoming family and no smelly gabe. (he was quite jealous that you never got to experience life with smelly gabe.)

“are you sure she’ll like me? what if she thinks i’m too weird to be her daughter, i mean… dad called her a queen.” you ask for the millionth time, feeling doubtful as you waited by thalia’s tree.

everyone knew thalia grace’s story, the brave hero who sacrificed herself for her friends, who still protected every demigod even if she was dead, even though some didn’t admit it, everyone aspired to be what thalia was, a true hero.

maybe our definition of heroes were a completely different thing, but thalia still was someone to remember.

there she was, your mother, the woman who gave birth to you, standing with the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen.

you couldn’t help but tear up and by the looks of it, she couldn’t either.

“my baby.” she said softly as she pulled you into a tight hug, like if she let go, you’d get lost again.

“hey mom.” you whispered.

“uh, guys, i’m here too.” you laughed, a genuine, happy laugh escaped your mouth.

you were ready for this. a new life, even with all those dangerous quests coming up, you knew you’d be way more powerful with your family, a loving mother and the most amazing (annoying) brother you could ask for.

[morphids]

strapping sub!hange:

from this req: x

ty anon cos 😵‍💫

…i have nothing to say for myself for this.

warnings: explicit sexual content 18+ minors dni!! poc friendly!! they/them hange but both afab bodied. umm… idk this is kinda nasty, p without plot, kinda dacryphilia? hange gets edged… and edged.., fingering, eatin’, reader fucks hange with a strap, dumbification?? lesbian things, idk god left me a long time ago - lmk if there’s anything i missed <3

wc: 1.1k (more of a lil blurb)

In a million years, you would never have expected this to happen the way that it had. Never would’ve expected to bear witness to the nasty desperation that clung on Hange’s features, mouth hung open, eyes screwed shut and their naked, dimpled back arching as they lined themself against your strap. Rubbing themselves over the plastic tip, forcing its presence up against their hot centre, a silent plea for you to finally enter after hours of teasing, edging them closer to their peak only to cruelly rip it away each time. Hange had grown delirious, chasing the relief that they had been so politely begging for.

Having been on that edge of blissful reprieve too many times, Hange could barely count anymore. You had slipped your fingers inside their heat, Hange squirming as your digits easily sunk inside, massaging the wet, spongy spot within their walls, relenting and augmenting the pressure building up in their core, and then cease the action altogether when you felt like it. Retrieving your fingers, maintaining eye contact with Hange’s beautiful brown, half-lidded eyes as you’d lick the salty slick that had collected all the way down to your knuckles. Hange unable to do anything else except simply watch as you sucked your own fingers clean, brows pinched up and broken moans as you smirked at them—clearly revelling in their hot torment after being denied release again and again, enjoying their dishevelment as they rutted their hips against empty air, clenching around nothing.

A heavenly sight, honestly.

If anyone had said to you that you’d be in Hange’s office, fucking your Commander dumb, you’d have laughed in their face. That was before you pressed Hange against the wall, before you had seen the way their eyes dilated into a black pool of desire as they whispered against your lips to just ‘do something about it, then.’

You hadn’t expected that hours had passed, hadn’t anticipated the way Hange’s fingers tightly clung to your roots, forcing your face closer into their centre as you lapped up their warm arousal like a damn dog. Slurping and groaning in-between their thighs as they shook and twitched, skin coated in their own mess. Hange had hoped you’d let them cum then, too, that’s partly why they had your nose pressed so tight into their pussy so you’d have no way of stopping. Yet, still you ceased, forcing your head back as Hange broke against you, a mangled sob in their throat, tears sliding down their reddened cheeks as they cried, voice hoarse and rough, ‘C-can ‘t—ple— wanna cum so bad, p-please—fuck—please let me cum,”

Now, you stood behind Hange, eyes stuck, watching dumbly as the strap that hung on your pelvis separated their folds whilst it rolled over their swollen clit. Couldn’t tear your eyes away and risk missing out on the sight; your strap lathered with Hange’s slick, glistening and reflecting the minimal light from the lamps in the room. Hange panting underneath you, eyes brimmed as you finally sunk inside, the plastic disappearing as Hange sucked it all in.

The depraved sounds that escaped them were sure to linger in your brain for years to come, the sound of someone finally feeling full after hours of fierce wanting and denial.

Hange’s head dropped, forehead leaning against their crossed wrists for support as you filled them fully, deciding to play nice and finally give them what they wanted.

You pressed your hips into the plush skin of their ass, leaving no space between your bodies, no unused, wasted space of the strap. Hange now biting into their wrist to stop the raspy groans being heard from outside the room. How unprofessional that would be. Reaching down, you placed ghostly kisses down the curve of their spine, smiling to yourself as Hange shuddered against you. Titling their pelvis back to meet yours as you shot up, grabbing their hips with both hands, squeezing their skin as you found a regular pace, Hange’s sides reddening from the tightness of your grip.

You were locked in to the way your strap sunk inbetween their folds, soaked when you pulled it back before it disappeared inside Hange again. You could almost feel it - maybe if you stared at it hard enough you’d actually be able to feel Hange sucking you deeper inside into their wet warmth. Fuck, the thought almost drove you insane, made worse by the ring of white that had collected at the base of the plastic, dripping down both your thighs and Hange’s.

“Fu-fuck—“ Hange whimpered, biting their bottom lip as you jutted your hips against theirs, breaths jagged. They were close again, you noted, luckily for Hange you were just as drunk as they felt, you didn’t have it in you to refuse them this time, losing yourself in the haze, too. In Hange, really.

Your hand reached across Hange’s stomach, falling down into their thighs as you began rolling the tip of your finger over their clit, puffy and swollen as you fit the strap deeper. An almost harmonious mix, one hand rubbing their throbbing clit, the other reached up to Hange’s jaw, lifting them up so their back was against your chest. Bringing down your lips to press hot kisses against their neck, sucking the skin in-between your teeth and sucking it red.

Hange was disoriented, eyes rolling shut, trying to keep them open but failing, the sensations all together forced them to lose grounding. All thought out the window, head filled with only the sensation of you.

“ ‘m so close, fuck—pl—don’t stop, please,” They rasped, pleading, throat hoarse and sore from their heavy breaths, the tightness in their core swelling up, the strap had hit a particular spot that their vision ran white, you were filling them so good, fingers rubbing against them so well, your lips nipping the skin of their neck. It was almost too much.

“Fuck—so clo—‘m gonna—fuu—“

Hange’s broken gasps left their lips, the force of their release pushing your strap out from inside them, popping out as Hange finally gushed out their release, soaking the sheets and coating your lower bodies as they squirted from the intensified build-up. Blissful and so, so relieving, Hange shuddered, tears brimming their eyes, shaking and whimpering as your fingers rubbing against their clit rode them down from the intense high. Head falling back into your chest, as you continued with your kisses, soothing them with as much gentleness as you could. Both your arms wrapped around them as you tightened an embrace around their body. Whispering sweet ‘did so well’s and ‘fucking perfect for me, baby’s. Soothing them back into a stable headspace.

Hange’s breath evened out, eyes still shut, needing a few minutes to recover from that. Hange began giggling, laughing almost hysterically at what had happened, before sighing, bringing your lips together with a, “I think I love you,”.

Never in a million years did you anticipate that.

—

(like i said, i have nothing to say for myself 🫣)

i appreciate all comments and reblogs <3

[rhyrhy]

Her bounty

Cw: angst!, death, grief, western Abby, she ties you up AHH

Chapter one: no more runnin’ (part 1/2)

Anderson is the best damn bounty hunter around, and you just so happen to have a pretty penny on your head. Get ready; she wasn’t too far behind you.

M.list

Before her hunting days

Grip tightened around the rough handle of the golf club, her knuckles white. Abigail hung over him, menacingly. Scowl etched onto her features months of tracking this man, the man who’d ripped her father away from her.

The auburn-haired woman sobbing at his side-Joel, she’d called him. She begged for his mercy.

Mercy? When had the world shown her heart any? her loss, her father, the pain that fueled her all the way here.

she raised the weapon high. But then, it hit her.

The pain and fear that stormed in the young woman’s eyes, was more familiar than she liked.

This wasn’t justice. It was vengeance.

Clank.

The metal handle bounced on the floor before laying flat to her feet. The golf club hit the ground. against the years of anger she had built her life around, Abby in this moment chose to break the cycle of devastation.

Mercy, She spared them. knowing it wouldn’t bring her father back.

It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but she knew it was what her father would have wanted.

This, was no way to live.

Now

The year is 1908, and Abigail Anderson has now set out on a new path. She’s now the best damn bounty hunter around, living an honest yet, still dangerous life. tracking down criminals and delivering them to something she wishes the younger her would’ve gotten, justice. the bloodthirsty revenge that once swallowed her whole, had settled. Her father’s memory pushes her to stay the course, do some kind of good.

And then there’s you.

Your name is scrawled across a bounty poster, “KILLER” stamped in bold red letters beneath it. Unfortunately, That word makes Abby’s blood boil. She’s seen—lived what it means. the irreversible hurt it causes. Folks like you always got it the worst.

And you’d been escaping hunters left and right, huh? You were a challenge.

She loved those.

While on the run to settle in northernwesten Wyoming, yes, You’d managed to outrun or wear down other hunters in the past. Little did you know you were a sitting duck.

The abandoned hallowed out cabin you've holed up in provides hardly proper shelter but that is the least of your worries. You’d been trying to get some shut eye when— hooves?

From outside your make-shift shelter you hear the pater of hooves against the earth, above the whipping wind a gun clicks.

Oh.

"Woman! Get out here, now!" a harsh and raspy tone shouts.

Oh.

Abby had found you, showtime.

You had gotten wind that she might be after you, never in a million years did you think she’d actually be here. Kicking down the door of your temporary shelter.

In an unprepared panic you quickly moved behind a wooden half-wall waiting for her to get through. A half loaded gun in hand, hiding. You were usually much more prepared but she’d been watching you so silently you’d almost forgotten about her. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself to escape, looking around the cabin for possible routes.

A half opened window, a back door, and the front door.

The back door was too far, she’d grab you up before you got two feet. The front door was buckling under her heavy kicks with her heel. Probably not going to work.

The window wasn’t far, it was a small jump but you could work with that. Only thing is, you’d have to slide it up a few more inches to get out without stutter.

The old cabin door is reduced to splinters as Abby kicks down the door, her gun in hand. She scans the room, looking for her bounty, you. The cabin isn't very big. Yet, it takes her a cautious minute to scan over the room. Not much, but obviously lived in.

The slight was nothing but terrifying, 

Her heavy boots, hat tilted so you couldn’t see but definitely felt that sharp gaze, gun drawn. She circled the flooring, light steps echoing through the open, rundown space.

You felt your heart stop when her eyes settled on your figure. A huffed, mocking laugh at your hiding spot.

Abby’s eyes narrow at the way you gripped the gun tighter at the eye contact. She takes a daring step forward, keeping her gun trained in the direction of your face. before she spoke in a low tone that sent a shiver through your body.

"Don't you do anything stupid," she warns, her voice firm. Her voice was soft, but her words were absolutely commanding. 

“Aw, Anderson, c'mon now,” you said in a practiced sweet tone. Now that she’s seen you, it was time to pull out all the stops.

"Don't you try that with me," she snaps sharply, her gun still aimed at you. "You're comin' with me, whether you like it or not." 

Abby rolls her eyes at your half-assed pleading. 

 "Put the gun down, and put your hands up slowly." “Now.” She stalks forward, her boots echoing against the floorboard.

Oh shit, is all that’s replaying in your mind as she comes into full view? You’d only seen grainy or drawn images of this ruthless hunter. Now here she was, jaw clenched and barking orders at you. You stayed glued to your spot, initial panic starting to turn into survival mode. You knew it was testy, but you didn’t follow her orders. You had your reasons and weren’t going to rot in a cell for it. 

"Do. Not. Test me," she hisses. "Either you do what I say now, or I'll have to force you.“ Her face twists in anger as you refuse to drop your gun. She takes another heavy step closer, her gun unwavering.

You two exchanged more colorful words as you stood your ground. This was new for Abby; she was used to refusal but downright defiance when you had a gun poked between your eyebrows. That meant you were either very brave or very, very stupid. It sent an excited thrill through her fingertips to see how this played out. You’d done the unthinkable and had the audacity to not give the family you’d hurt justice? 

Oh, she was going to have fun with you. 

Especially now that she watched as you slowly shuffled towards the half-opened window behind you both. She’d warn you that things would get ugly if you kept pushing your luck, but you couldn’t and wouldn’t be turned in.

Her eyes narrow into slits as she watches you fumble with the window behind you. She knows you're trying to escape, and she's not about to let you get away.

"Don't even think about it," she warns, taking another menacing step towards you. "I will shoot you; don't doubt that for a damn second."

Once one foot was out the window, she gritted her teeth. How had you so slowly gotten halfway out the damn window. Why were you still testing her mercy.

And why did this push and pull, continue to excite her…Before she knew it, you’d hit the ground running.

“Shit!” She swore and quickly turned on her heels to follow you.

You ran.

that’s all you could do. Hell, that woman was six feet tall and jacked; you’d probably knock you flat on your ass if she had gotten any closer. You’d evaded hunters before, but you’d never been more intimidated by them than by her.

The image of the scowl on her face while she demanded things from you was terrifying.

The way her eyes scanned over your body, it was like she was imagining what she’d do to you as soon as you were tied up and begging to be let go.

But that wasn’t you. You weren’t evil, not a monster.

You were just a woman who’d been hurt by the world.Years ago when you were just a girl. A robbery gone wrong started that pain of losing your father and descent into this “outlaw” life. Show your surviving in the wilderness while being constantly pursued, making you feel like a cornered animal.

The man who held the weapon's face stayed burned into your mind, and as you grew from a girl to a woman, it only made your fist clench tighter.

You sat there holding his hand as he dropped to the cold floor of the bank. Frozen in place, little you was terrified and now lost the hand that held yours. Or checked for any monsters under the bed. Now glossy-eyed and a pool of red underneath.

So years later, when you found that man outside unguarded. You didn’t hesitate to pound your fist into his face.

He fought, screamed, and scratched, but it was no use. He was a dead man walking in your eyes.

That man wasn’t going anywhere but hell anyway; you sending him there didn’t make no difference. You knew what you did; you made a choice, and you’d been living in that choice ever since.

That is what fueled you to bob and weave through these large trees. Heartbeat faster than you ever heard it, you were running’.

Well, at least you were running. Suddenly the world was tilting, and the ground was coming closer to your face.

Thud

You smacked straight into the foliage. The dry leaves and dirt tickling the side of your cheek as your vision began to black.

There she was, above you, lasso in hand. The other end around your ankles. She had you tied up like a runaway cow. The combination of the wind being knocked out of you and shock sent you into a small slumber.

Now you only hoped when you woke up it wasn’t in a cell.

————————————-

[sweetercalypso]

🫐 Abby and reader sneaking out so that Abby can take her to the aquarium for the first time :)

Salt Water || Abby Anderson

Bathed in the murky blue glow of the empty aquarium tanks, Abby has never looked so beautiful.

The building is silent beyond your echoed voices and the hum of the dying water pumps, still producing idle waves twenty years after the aquarium doors had been boarded shut. You don’t think anyone’s been here since, except the occasional stragglers finding temporary shelter in their search for something better.

Abby had discovered this place on her own – a testament to her strengths in the field. She’d explored enough to be sure it was empty before returning to base and telling you about the “fish zoo” by the pier, practically begging you to sneak out with her to see it.

It didn’t take much convincing for you to let her guide you out of the stadium the next day to show you what she’d found. Truthfully, you’d follow her anywhere.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen her this excited before. She’s beaming as she leads you through the clear glass tunnels, hand gripping yours tightly as she pulls you along behind her.

Heavy green vines have overtaken the walls of the aquarium, though spots of color peak through the foliage in odd shapes and strings of letters that are too faded to read. Abby stops and points to a statue of a seal veiled in patina green moss that sits at the end of the hallway.

“Y’know I saw one of those the other day, except it wasn’t bronze… and it was alive.”

You roll your eyes with a huff of laughter, too excited to antagonize Abby’s failed attempt at humor.

She lets go of your hand to clear away the vines covering the set of double doors that she’d stopped in front of. There’s a key stuck in the lock and you briefly wonder how much she’d already explored without you.

“Wait ‘til you see the rest of the place. There’s a sailboat in the amphitheater and a big tank in the floor. Bet it’s connected to the ocean.”

She turns the handle and disappears through the doorway, and you’re left alone under the rippling shadows of the overhead tank. A pale, radiant light pours out from the room, guiding you to follow after her.

“Abby- slow down.”

 You push through the doors and your jaw drops at the sight. This section is different from the rest of the aquarium, shaped like a dome and made of glass, looking out into the ocean. The tanks you’d passed so far had all been empty, but in here, you can see the real flora and fauna living under the waves of the pacific bay.

Abby stands on the far side of the room with her hand hovering over the glass, watching a group of small silvery fish dart through the water. You tread over on silent feet to stand beside her, still taking in the breathtaking scene. She turns to look at you with a softened gaze, the reflection from the glass lighting up her features.

“My dad would’ve loved this place.”

You offer a half-hearted smile at the thought, weaving your fingers between hers and giving a gentle squeeze.

“He would’ve.”

She blinks and turns her attention back to the water. Everything beyond the glass shares the same cloudy blue haze, but you think it’s beautiful all the same. You can only imagine what the view would’ve looked like when the aquarium was still cared for.

“This place is just for us,” Abby decides after a breath of silence. Her shoulder brushes against yours as she sways in her spot, leaning in and pressing her lips to your cheek.

“You and me.”

[psuedosugu]

Hope ★

Daisuke x reader

synopsis: Daisuke gives you hope in a hopeless situation.

notes: this is lowkey corny buttt idgaf also happy new years

The faint buzz of the Tulpar filled your ears as you sat against the metal wall, your eyes squeezed shut. Everyone else was on the other side of the freighter, and you had gone off for some peace and quiet so that you could think over your current situation.

The ship now crashed, you, and the rest of the crew, were now stranded in space. Food and oxygen was limited, and the chance of rescue was slim. You found yourself wondering how it had come to this. You had always wanted to be a pilot, had worked your ass off to get into college and to find this internship, but it all meant nothing now.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice the noise of the door opening and shutting, nor did you notice your fellow intern, Daisuke, stepping in. “Uhh, [name]?”

you flinched at the sound of his voice as your eyes flew open.

“Oh. Hi.” you blinked up at him. “Hey,” he responded, “I was looking for you.”

“Why?” you asked. he shrugged at your question, sitting next to you. Your heart fluttered as his shoulder brushed yours. Daisuke, perhaps the sole good thing up here. You still remember the day you met him, all gap-toothed smiles and sunshine, so positively good, unlike you, you thought. The two of you had hit it off, probably due to the 2 of you both being the youngest. He was kind but still honest, funny, a dream to be around.

The two of you sat in understanding silence for a bit before he interrupted. “So..” he began, “You good?”

“Just thinking,” you responded.

“About?” he asked.

“Life on Earth. All of the things I’m gonna miss out on.”

He frowned. “Don’t think like that. I bet they’ve sent a team out to find us. We just gotta wait.”

In any other situation his optimism would’ve been endearing, but now it only served as a reminder of how hopeless their situation was. You pulled your knees closer to your chest as you blinked back tears.

“Hey, hey..” he comforted you, noticing your watery eyes, “I’m being serious. We’ll be okay, okay? I promise.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself too.

“We’re off the grid, untraceable, and even if they could find us, are their cheap asses really gonna waste all of that money trying to get us? We’re stuck here, stuck until we run out of oxygen, or food, whichever comes first.” you countered.

“But-“ he started.

“No. You can believe what you want, but I’m not getting my hopes up.”

“-We need hope,” he continued. “Without hope we don’t have anything at all.” You stayed silent at his words.

“Please? Just…you shouldn’t just give up now.” he pleaded. “What if we do get off?”

“What if we?” you responded.

“You don’t..have anyone you want to see? anything you’re looking forward to?” You had put all of your time and effort into your education, but after this? You weren’t sure if you ever wanted to step foot into another ship ever again. The company was closing down anyways, and you had no one, no parents or friends who cared enough to lean back on. You had nothing waiting for you on earth.

“…No.” you muttered. “I don’t have anyone down there.” Daisuke frowned. “How come?” His voice had an undertone of sadness. “Guess I’m not like-able enough for anyone.” you half-joked, trying to come off as unbothered, but the frown still lingered on his face.

“I don’t think you’re unlikeable. I really, really like you, [name].” His words made your face heat up. “You- I.. I like you too.” you stammered.

“You could stay with me. My mom would like you, I bet.” He suggested, his hand creeping towards yours. “You don’t have to do all that just because you pity me.” you shot back, a bit harsher than you intended.

“I don’t…pity you. I really did mean it when I said I like you. I want to be with you. I don’t want you to be alone. Please?” He squeezed your hand as you thought it over. You didn’t want to let him go, didn’t want to let go of that hope for a better life, one where you weren’t so alone.

“Okay.” You sighed, cracking a slight smile. He smiled back, that dumb smile that had you melting over and over again. You wanted to kiss it off of his face, so you did. It was an impulse decision, a stupid one at that, but you softly put your lips on his, wrapping your arms around him. He was tense at first but then melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist.

The both of you parted for air and fear started to creep into your vision. What if you had read the room wrong? What if he didn’t like it? But then he went in for another kiss, then another, then another, peppering kisses onto your face as you giggled.

“Now c’mon, you shouldn’t just keep yourself cooped up here. It’s not healthy.” He said, pulling you up from the ground, and you left that room feeling a little lighter, a bit more hopeful.

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞wish you back

✰ pairings: ex!han x fem!reader

✰ genre: romance + angst with comfort ending

✰ warning: mentions of insecurities, deep talks, indirect mentions of miscommunications and getting back together

✰ request: If you’re taking requests or would like some ideas for your future writings then could I suggest/request an angsty fight but with a comfort ending with prompts 1, 10 and 12 with skz Han or it could even be an ot8 whichever is comfortable for you :)

✰ note: hi hi love! i hope you like it >< i made it exes to lovers and it hope it suits to what you requested for! thanks to @planetkiimchi for beta reading this and helping me with it 🤍

✰ word count: 2k + words

meeting him was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it would be your favourite. meeting him was like rewatching every movie you ever loved with your favourite flavour of popcorn. meeting him was truly beautiful.

then, suddenly, you didn’t like that song anymore. you hated those movies as well. and you didn’t even bother touching that last packet of popcorn kept in the cabinet of your kitchen. it had been a month precisely since you and jisung parted ways.

a month of half-heartedly listening to your best friend’s ‘not-getting-back-to-your-ex’ rules. you don’t even remember the last time you saw him. but all you could do was think of him. was he eating well? was his hair as long as before? or has he trimmed them? it was foolish, you knew that very well. but the way your heart belonged to him, you couldn’t help it.

your mind keeps replaying the evening of your breakup. that very evening, when the two of you would be completing two whole years as a couple. all of it—now shattered. it doesn’t matter what you do, or what he does, the deed is done. there’s no going back now. or is there?

you know you shouldn’t be doing this and instead sending someone else. despite this, you find yourself driving to his home. after his last text, which told you to go pick up your stuff. you nearly felt your heart burst out of your chest the moment you saw his name pop in your notifications, but all of it faded when you saw his text. you know it meant nothing, but you felt yourself tear apart when the thought that he's trying to erase you crosses your mind. that’s what the voices in your head said. he’s trying to remove you from his life. and you know it shouldn’t hurt that much– but it does.

you hated whenever he overworked himself. you hated the way he would always come home exhausted but would still manage to muster up a smile you knew was fake. and when the limit runs, it’s the two of you against each other– screaming at each other’s throats. the eyes that used to be filled with love and warmth, were replaced with tiredness and anger.

maybe it was just in the heat of the moment, but the words can’t be unsaid. the apartment that used to be filled with memories in each corner, just rests there in dust and dirt.

you lift your hand to knock on the door and not even a second later, the door opens wide allowing you to see the apartment once again, and jisung as well.

he looks almost the same, except for his hair that he has curled slightly. if it would’ve been a stranger, they wouldn’t have been able to pick on any difference. but knowing him for years, you know everything from the beat of his heart to the dip in his voice when he’s about to break down– you have lived it all as well.

“hi,” he manages to croak out when you enter the apartment. you let out a silent nod, but prevent yourself from getting into a long conversation with him. your friend advised you not to if you didn’t want to end up getting hurt.

“how have you been?” he asks, his voice no louder than a mutter.

“how do you expect me to be?” you chuckle dryly, rubbing salt onto his wounds without even sparing him a glance. you look around, eyes stopping on the fridge that has various fridge magnets which you stuck on. maybe it was just a you thing, but it marked as the evidence of your happy relationship. there’s a small magnet with a polaroid of you two sitting on a couch with a cake in your hand.

it almost makes you laugh, how quickly the memory rushes into your head. it was your birthday and jisung surprised you with homemade meals and handmade gifts. it was a simple meal with just the two of you, yet his sincerity never failed to amaze you.

“i’m trying to talk to you nicely,” he hisses back, frustration creeping its way into his tone. it makes you gulp. you pause to stare at him, for the second time of the day before sighing.

“where’s my stuff?” you whisper, not breaking eye contact, which makes him stare back at you just as fiercely.

there’s something in his expression that makes you want to run straight into his arms and embrace him, kiss him and tell him you love him. but you can’t. he was the main character in the movie called “you”, but now he seemed to play more of a side role. it seems discarded yet you will remember it forever.

he takes a long minute to reply and points to the bedroom, “it’s under the bed, in a box.”

you nod and make your way in the bedroom. the sight of the room itself makes your heart heavy. you look around, and where there used to be a brown heart couch, it’s now empty. the room takes you back to the days when the two of you first moved in. the two of you were so excited to bring in the new furniture and rearrange it according to your preference. it almost felt surreal at first. you still remember spending three weeks just to arrange the furniture. it was tiring, but you didn’t know that it was even more tiring to look at this now-almost-empty bedroom.

you crouch down and pull out a wooden box. it’s a bit dusty, so you carry it and keep it on the mattress. you blow away the dust as much as possible and open the box. it’s filled with photos, letters, gifts varying from sizes to colours and occasions. it’s a wonder how he kept all your stuff neatly arranged. even if there’s a few things missing, you don’t mention it when you return back to the living room.

he shoots up from his seat upon seeing you, and there’s a determined look on his face which you don’t quite like.

“can i know one thing before you go?” there’s fresh pain in his eyes which he no longer attempts to hide from you. when you take a look at him, you see the eyebags, the tiredness seeps through his eyes and it’s painful to see him that way.

when you don’t reply, he takes that as his cue to step towards you and hold both of your hands in his, the familiar warmth immediately soothing you and making you breathe in relief.

“do you still love me?” it’s just a question, you tell yourself. it’s just a normal question, just say no and you’ll be fine. instead, you stare down at your intertwined hands and slowly rub your thumb against his.

“what if i say yes? how would it change anything? remember, you left me first,” you look back at him with tears brimming your eyes. there’s a softness in his expression that almost makes you cry but you manage to hold it in.

“because you told me to! you told me how annoying i was and how i wasn’t giving you time. and i thought about it, i really did and i realised it was better for us this way.”

“you’ll decide that on your own? you could’ve talked to me once ji! i would have stopped you and told you just how much you mean to me!” you say while jabbing a finger at his chest in fury.

“how does that change it? you had that thought across your head. how could you even think of us separating? we were happy, weren’t we? and then suddenly you weren’t there when i returned. i didn’t call you because i thought… i thought that maybe you didn’t want me anymore,” he chuckles bitterly and runs a hand through his unruly hair, impatiently waiting for a response.

“i… you’re the only one i want, ji. there’s not been a single day where i didn’t think of you. if you would’ve called me even in the middle of the night, i’d run back to you without hesitation,” there’s raw pain reflecting in his eyes that flick to your continuously.

“then… why?” you squeeze your eyes shut at his question. was it the way he was too blunt with it? or was it the way you knew that the truth would hurt?

“it’s easy for you to ask that because you’re not the one constantly thinking about whether you’re being controlling or not. you’re not the one who has to constantly keep yourself in check, wondering whether or not you’re overthinking! do you know how hard it was for me to not ask you anything every hour just because it will make you look pushy? i didn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend that bugs you, or the one that has to call you a hundred times a day to remind you that i’ll be waiting! it’s a mess, jisung. i-i’m a mess.”

“do you trust me?” he asks, his eyes shining with determination with this new shift in him.

“no– don’t do this to me,” you shake your head and try to slip your hand out of his grasp, but he stays still.

“please don’t try to ignore me, my love. please don’t go… why do you keep shaking my whole world and then leaving like nothing ever happened? why? why are you so desperately trying to run away from me? did you forget that we promised to help each other with our problems? or do those promises mean nothing?”

“we broke up, jisung! we are not together anymore. there’s no us, it’s just you and i,” you look away to avoid his burning gaze.

“look at me, babe,” he whispers, his words are careful to not try and trigger you any more.

and when you do, he looks down at you with a soft gaze, “i want you to know one thing. there’s nothing in this world that will make me love you less. it’s okay to worry. you worry for the one you love and it’s normal. there is no such thing as worrying too much, okay? don’t you ever think that you are less or that you are more. you are just the perfect amount, like the sugar i need in my coffee,” he jokes a bit and it does indeed manage to make you chuckle through tears.

“there was a day where i almost knocked at your front door, but then i saw how happy you looked. and i feel like i was trying to snatch away your happiness, but then you told me how you felt and honestly, it just feels like we’re two dumb people who are scared to communicate. a talk was all we needed.”

“i’m sorry for hurting you that night, and for not even bothering to tell you that i’m was leaving.” after every word, he smiles wider, and it’s as if you’re seconds away from mending his broken heart along with yours. “is it too late to stop the shifting of the furniture?” he laughs, before shaking his head, and pulling you to his chest. his arms wrap around you and he embraces you tightly, cherishing every bit of you for as long as he can.

“don’t ever scare me like that again,” he mumbles and presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“i suppose i should call the guy before it gets too late,” he huffs in annoyance and you smile at his words.

“you should! it’s your fault you’re trying to give away our stuff,” you mock, with a playful smile dancing on your lips.

“putting the blame on me now?” he pouts before stealing a kiss from you and his fingers are already vigorously typing digits on his phone.

there’s something about this house that will never change; you and him. perhaps those magnets too.

PERM TAGLIST: @taeriffic 🥽 @hello-2-u-from-me 🥽 @ilychee08 🥽 @sleepyleeji 🥽 @spacegirlstuff

[etherealising]

chapter four | to burden natalie berzatto

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: platonic!natalie berzatto x f!reader | slight carmen berzatto x f!reader | slight the bear crew x f!reader | male!oc x f!reader |

summary: your lack of competent decision-making after mikey’s death puts natalie in a compromisng position.

warning(s): substance abuse | overdose | grief | self-sabotage | angst | humor as coping mechanism | one mention of ativan | unintentional self-harm | blood | hospitals | scars | mention of treatment centers | rehab | recovery | thoughts of relapsing | appreciation of natalie berzatto | avoidance of grief | selfishness | memory loss | unhealthy grieving mechanisms | PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!

wc: 8.1k

please remeber you are responsible for your own media consumption. if any warnings trigger you DO NOT READ!

The smooth music filtered out of the record player, a rich voice singing through the house painting the atmosphere with a calm vibe. The two occupants were gathered in the living room, sifting through the last of the boxes that contained small decorations and keepsakes. Discussing what would look best where and what should have been left behind in the move.

You looked over your shoulder to check on Nat, her sudden silence cause for concern. Circling over to her you realized what had stolen the words from her lips. You maneuvered to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at the framed photo in her hands, the two of you silently reminiscing.

You placed your head on her shoulder as she let out a quiet sniffle, her emotions heightened due to her condition. “You looked so beautiful that night,” you let out a quiet laugh before moving to stand next to Nat, eyes still focused on the framed Polaroid in her grip.

It had been a year and it still wasn’t easy to look at any pictures of Mikey without feeling like your chest would cave in. You hadn’t seen this particular picture since his passing, the grief too much, all memories painting your west coast apartment shoved into a nondescript box.

You understood now why it was so important to label your boxes when moving. If the box in front of Nat had some type of label on it, you knew for sure it already would’ve been shoved into the dark recesses of your closet.

“You can just put that one back in the box,” you left Nat’s side to continue going through your box, pulling out the book designated to sit on your coffee table.

Natalie watched you from her side of the living room, a small scowl painting her face as she watched you so easily disregard a memory that had once been so special to you. She looked back down at the picture, your bright smile staring back at her as Mikey and Richie leaned in to kiss your cheeks. A fond memory of the three of you the night of your senior prom.

Looking back at you one last time Nat let out a sigh before walking over to the mantle and setting it on the corner, visible for everyone to see. She understood how much Mikey’s death affected you, but there was no way you could heal from the hurt if you never allowed yourself to live in the uncomfortability of grief. It was something you had to want for yourself.

Nat had half the mind to keep digging through the box, eyes catching on another memory. Not wanting to sour the first night in your new home, she replaced the cover, doing her best to act as though she wasn’t curious about the box of memories.

The doorbell rang as you were looking for a place for the picture of you and your mom at your college graduation. Carefully sitting it on your coffee table you made your way to the door making sure to grab your wallet on the way. You opened the door to see the pizza delivery person standing there, giving them the money and a tip before thanking them.

“Oh that smells delicious,” you laughed as Nat followed behind you to your decent-sized kitchen. The two of you grab plates and a slice of pizza before heading to your couch.

Setting your plate on the coffee table, you left to quickly grab two wine glasses and the sparkling cider Natalie and Pete bought you as a housewarming gift. Stopping to grab a bottle of water from the fridge for Nat just in case the cider upset her stomach before taking your seat on the plush couch.

“I’m happy you’re home Baby.” Your eyes met Nat’s before you moved to pour yourself a healthy amount of sparkling cider, ignoring Nat’s laugh at the full glass in your hands. You raise your glass in a mock toast, at least one of you was happy that you were back.

“I guess it's good to be back. Nice to be around people that care about me,” the grateful smile sent Nat’s way as a form of thank you.

Natalie deserved more than a pathetic smile and both of you knew it.

You had been relatively alright after Mikey’s death, which came as a surprise to everyone. Your impromptu stay in Chicago after the funeral was a way for you to keep an eye on Natalie and Donna, occasionally helping Richie at The Beef when you could.

But you had to return to your own life eventually, and when you did shit spiraled out of control for you.

People always drone on and on about the five stages of grief and how it affects everyone differently, and you never thought that statement to be more true than when you stepped foot in your apartment upon your return from Chicago. Grief is supposed to come and go, you were doing everything that everyone was telling you to do. Following all the steps, checking all the boxes. Forcing yourself to try and heal, to feel your emotions as much as you would allow yourself to.

But at the end of the day, it was just you, an apartment full of memories, a voicemail you were too scared to ever listen to, and the shadow of your grief following behind you.

You experienced all the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression and you waited and hoped for the acceptance to come. But all that ever came was the cycle of grief replaying in your life like a bad dream.

You had thrown yourself into your work, anything to forget about the pain Mikey’s ghost left behind. And when your psychiatrist recommended a prescription to aid with your anxiety, you accepted. Anything to escape the shadow of a man you once knew appearing in your apartment on late nights.

But then the prescription wasn’t enough, and the alcohol you once used to numb everything had lost its edge, your days just turned into functioning as best you could. And then there were times you couldn’t even remember the previous day, the last five minutes, falling asleep on the couch.

You had become dependent; dependent on the alcohol and the drugs, and the way they made things all better for a short time.

And then you had woken up in the hospital one day, with no memories of how you got there, no care for what happened to you.

The figure in the chair next to you helped you to escape the fog in your brain. The woman you had known your whole life looking down at you with a tear-stained face, her hand tightly clutched around yours, her presence all the more confusing.

The silence in the room was too loud for you as you just watched the blonde, the lack of emotion on your face breaking the woman down even more. When the doctor came in to explain what happened it shocked you. Not because of the severity of the situation, but because you couldn’t remember a thing.

The theory was that you had been mixing prescription drugs and alcohol for some time, a truth you already knew and were purposely partaking in.

You were at your apartment after work winding down from the long day, pregaming for a night out with your co-workers. The Ativan you had taken earlier at work already put you at ease. You were trying to get to your patio for some reason but had trouble with the sliding glass door.

Too inebriated to unlock it you had essentially thrown yourself against the glass until it finally gave way to the weight of your body and you ended up face down covered in glass and the pool of your blood.

Not fazed by your injuries you collected yourself, glass and all. Grabbing your keys from the counter leaving to whatever destination you had in mind. Somewhere between removing yourself from the mess of your ruined sliding door and stumbling out into the hallway, you swallowed two more pills.

According to the reports, a neighbor found the mess of your body in the hallway, making it a mere few inches from your door before your body succumbed to the deadly cocktail swirling inside you.

In October of 2022, 8 months after Michael’s death; you would overdose.

You were broken from the haze of memories as you felt a dip in the couch. Natalie came to sit right next to you head resting on your shoulder, you gently laid your head on top of hers. You owed Nat your life.

A quiet sniffle left you, losing the battle to keep your emotions under wraps. “You’ve done so much for me Sug, and I…I’m sorry if I haven’t shown you enough appreciation.” You felt Nat’s arms wrap around you, squeezing you into a side hug as the two of you sat in each other’s presence.

It was no secret that without Natalie and Pete, you might not have been experiencing this moment. You for sure wouldn’t have gotten your shit together if you were still all alone on the West Coast. Nat had gone out of her way to find the best treatment facility on the East Coast for you, it had been decided that you would make the move back to Chicago when you were released.

So while you were away facing the consequences of the darkest moments of your life. Nat was at home picking up the pieces of your life while also trying to keep hers intact, not that you realized or cared back then.

Nat and Pete sold the family home that was still in your mom's name, nobody needed to ask to know that it wasn’t healthy for you to live in or across the street from a museum of memories. The couple got you a good deal on a quaint home not too far from them, the leftover money put towards the rest of your savings.

Natalie Berzatto, a miracle worker in your eyes had somehow pulled strings to get you an interview with the Tribune. So yeah, you owed Nat a lot more than placating smiles and cheap pizza.

“Are you sure you’re ready for tomorrow?” You shifted positions at Nat’s question, the two of you now sitting criss-cross applesauce, facing each other on the couch. You gave a small nod, fingers playing with your fuzzy socks.

“I don’t have much of a choice,” you let out a small laugh. “I can’t expect you and Pete to babysit me forever.” You smiled up at Natalie, the prospect of writing again caused a sense of excitement to stir within you. It felt like the only thing you had left, the only thing you were still good at. Although you had almost completely fucked up your life, you still had your writing, and that was a start.

“Maybe we can meet up for lunch after?” You didn’t want to celebrate too soon, you hadn’t even got a job yet, but the idea of a lunch date with Nat sounded like the best form of indulgence you had allowed yourself in a while.

The night continued with the two of you talking, Sugar doing her best to catch you up on all that you missed sans any mention of a certain blue-eyed baby brother she had. As the night began winding down the two of you cleaned up the mess of your dinner, before you sent Nat on her way with promises to fill her in after your interview tomorrow.

Making sure your kitchen was cleaned to your liking, you made your way into your room to begin settling in for the night. A knit crew neck you had meant to return to its rightful owner once upon a time, becoming the basis of your pajamas after a relaxing shower.

Settling into bed you couldn’t help but lie awake, mind racing with all the different scenarios that could play out tomorrow. This was your first night alone in your new home and the reality of just how alone you were slowly began to sink in. You knew Nat would always be there for you if need be, but she had her own life to live, the beginnings of a family in her near future.

All you had at that moment were your racing thoughts and the regrets of a life you had almost ended too soon.

You sat in the lobby of the Tribune leg bouncing nervously as you waited for your meeting with the editor-in-chief, resume, and copies of your work sitting snugly in your tote bag. You knew Natalie had already sent over your information, but your nerves forced you to believe that being over-prepared would be necessary.

The sound of the receptionist calling your name caught your attention. She was standing a little ways away from you waiting for you to follow her, you gave a nervous smile before rising from your seat and following the rhythmic click-clack of her heels down the hall. As you watched her walk in front of you, you thought you may have been a little underdressed in your casual street clothes, but you forced yourself to push your thoughts aside. They’d be judging you for your backlog of work, not your choice of attire.

The receptionist lead you to a corner office, the frosted glass of the exterior providing a sense of privacy. Ushering you into the empty room she let you know that the editor you’d be meeting with would join you shortly. You sent her a small thanks before walking into the room, eyes catching on the minimalistic decorations scattered around the office.

Your feet lead you to the wall of windows situated behind the desk, the view reminding you of an office you had occupied so many months ago. You looked out over the Chicago skyline, it still felt so surreal to be back in this city.

The face staring back at you something you were still learning how to get used to. The scars that decorated the right side of your face were healing up nicely considering how deep some of the glass had gone.

You jumped at the sound of the door closing, someone entered so swiftly you hadn’t even heard them, or maybe you were just too wrapped up in memories of a past life. You hurriedly turned from the window not wanting to seem rude, the man who had entered the room caught your eye before gesturing for you to take a seat at one of the two chairs in front of his desk.

You felt a little less concerned about your fashion choice as your eyes followed his Levi-clad legs as he settled into the chair behind his desk. You could feel your nerves returning, not knowing what to expect from this interview. In the most humble sense you had forgotten what being interviewed felt like, not having to go through the process since getting your first big journalist job straight out of college.

“Nervous?” Your leg stopped bouncing as the man’s voice met your ears, a shy smile curving your lips.

“Here I thought I was being subtle,” you tried to joke hoping to relax yourself a bit. The responding chuckle helped somewhat, so far the man sitting in front of you didn’t seem like too much of a stickler.

“Never thought I’d see the day you were nervous in front of me Baby,” you tried to control the look of disgust you felt begging to paint your features. You were grateful for Nat’s help but you were sure this was a mistake.

“I’m sure HR has their hands full with you.” You mumbled, the roll of your eyes showcasing your irritation. “Thank you for the opportunity sir, but I don’t think this is a good fit for me.” You reached out to the chair next to you where you had sat your tote bag wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“No wait,” the sound of the rolling chair moving rapidly caused you to stop, seconds away from rising from your chair. You turned your attention to the figure in front of you eyebrows pinched together.

“It's me, Hayden,” your brows furrowed even more, your mind searching your memory for that name. “I…uh, I took you to senior prom. We met in our creative writing class that same year.”

You felt your eyes widen as your mouth formed the shape of an ‘o’, eyes darting to the pristine nameplate facing you on the desk. The name ‘Hayden Ivanovski’ staring directly back at you.

“No fucking way.” The whisper traveled easily through the silent office, Hayden’s echoing chuckle caused you to let out a small one of your own. “I’m sorry, it's just nobody but close friends and family even call me that anymore. And, I really wasn’t expecting to see you.”

You watched as he nodded, you could see it now. The boy you once knew in the maturity of his face, hadn’t changed much but it was enough that you wouldn’t easily recognize him if he passed you on the street.

“Uh, the porn stache sure is a uh choice,” your hand raised to gesture to your upper lip, you couldn’t help the smile curving your lips.

Hayden laughed head dropping as he resumed his seated position. “Divorce makes you do crazy things,” your smile faltered, you hadn’t meant the quip as an invitation to discuss any personal grievances. “No need to look so sad, it was mutual.” He shrugged the topic off like he hadn’t given it a second thought in a long while.

You nodded your head distractedly, “Enough about my failed marriage, how have you been?” You gave him a small smile, mind going blank as you thought of the best route to take this conversation.

“I uh, almost died five months ago,” the laugh ripped from Hayden’s chest, the last thing you were expecting to hear. You watched as he found your eyes, his smile disappearing as he took in the harrowing look on your face.

“You-you’re not serious are you?” The question almost caused you to laugh.

“As serious as my overdose was,” you watched as Hayden shifted in his seat, the air easily became uncomfortable. “Sorry coping mechanism.” You laughed the topic off, you had assumed Nat told him when she booked you this interview.

“So um, when does the interview start,” your leg began bouncing up and down again, the nervousness returning. If you hadn’t already made a bad impression you were sure exposing your less-than-stellar life choices definitely lost you the job.

“Nat didn’t tell you?” You stopped your brows from pinching together, the constant frowning sometimes the tiny scar between your eyebrows. “I don’t need to interview you, you’re an amazing journalist. I hired you the second Nat told me you were moving back. That is if you want to work here.”

“You’re not just hiring me because we went to prom together, or as a favor to Natalie are you?” Nat had helped you to get your foot in the door, you had wanted to secure the job because of your merit.

You watched as Hayden quickly shook his head, “While it is nice to reconnect with you, we need some experience in our newsroom. I know before your uh… incident you were working as a travel journalist, and the pay here wouldn’t be the same. But you’d still have full control over the stories you write, although you might not write as often as you’re used to.” You nodded along listening to his explanation. The fact that this was happening failed to resonate with you.

“So, the position of Managing Editor is yours if you want it.” Hayden sent you a small smile awaiting your response, he did his best not to focus too long on your scars as he stared in your direction.

“As long as I can write and edit then I will happily work for you,” the large grin spreading across your lips stretched the small scar stitched into your upper lip.

The smile on Hayden’s lips matched yours as he walked around the desk to shake your hand. The two of you sat there going over the expectations that your new role required, Hayden explaining the environment he tried to uphold at the paper.

You finished the meeting off with a tour of the floor the Tribune occupied, the one you’d mostly be working on. The two of you caught up a little as he input you into the system and created your badge so you could easily come and go as you pleased. You learned that he married Marlene Buchanan, a girl you went to high school with. The ink of their divorce still drying after only being finalized two months ago.

He invited you out to lunch but you had to rain check explaining the plans you made with Natalie promising the two of you would work something out in the future. He walked out with you, the two of you parting ways once you left the lobby.

You stood on the sidewalk taking in the crisp Chicago air. Your life was finally starting to feel like your own again, and even though you had only secured a job, the inevitable weight of doom that followed you was beginning to feel a little lighter.

Natalie was pacing in the office quickly moving to close the door as the chaos sounding through the building caused a headache to form. She knew Cicero would be there in the next hour, and that the money problem was their biggest issue in getting the new restaurant up and running.

The urge to call you was immediate after speaking with Cicero. Nat knew how much you cared about this place, and regardless of what anyone else thought she wanted you to have a say in any decision they made now that you were permanently back in Chicago. And she’d be lying if she said the reserved funds that came with you weren’t also a reason to invite you to this meeting.

Shouts could be heard through the door as she finally made her mind up, you two had plans for lunch anyways so you could just meet her and the two of you would leave together. Any excuse Nat could think up to call you would help her.

Sighing she scrolled through her contacts before forcing herself to press on your name and just call you. She listened as the phone rang, part of her hoping you didn’t answer her call, the hope immediately dying as your voice sang through the speaker.

“Nat, hey! I was just about to call you,” She smiled at the light tone in your voice, a tone she hadn’t heard in quite some time. “We still on for lunch?” The question caused her to take a deep breath, it was now or never she either asked you or she didn’t.

“Yeah of course. Uhh but would you mind meeting me at The Beef?” She was hoping the question came across as nonchalant, she called out your name as the line went quiet, sure you had hung up on her.

“Nat, I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” the apprehension in your voice made her feel guilty for even asking you in the first place.

“Listen, Baby, I know how you feel but we’re making a big decision today and I feel like you deserve to have your input heard,” she waited for a minute before continuing. “If it triggers you we can leave immediately, no questions asked okay? I just…this might be good for you.” She bit her lip as she waited for your response, she would be okay with whatever you decided but at least she had put the opportunity out there.

“I think I can be there in 45 minutes,” the tired sigh that escaped your lips matched the way Nat was feeling.

“Thank you, Baby.” She listened as you said your goodbyes before hanging up the phone, Nat was sure if she didn’t already have morning sickness she would’ve thrown up from that phone call alone.

It was exactly as you remembered it. Not that you had expected the exterior to change in the year since you’d been there. Although not physically changed things felt different, it no longer felt nostalgic as you stood there looking at the newspaper-covered windows. You could feel the anxiety eating away at you, the sick part deep inside of you wishing you had something to numb your feelings.

You could hear the faint sound of an alarm blaring with how close you were standing, the sound helping you to focus on the things you could control. You hadn’t come all this way just to look at the old building’s facade, and part of you didn’t think you could take disappointing Natalie by walking away. Nat wouldn’t have been disappointed in you though, but since your accident, you were scared to ever see that look in her eyes again.

The deep breath of fresh air filling your lungs helped to cool you down a bit. The pairing of your puffer jacket and scarf felt a bit suffocating.

In through your nose out through your mouth, a few more deep breaths were all you allowed yourself before forcing your hand to grip the door handle and step foot into a building that might haunt you for a lifetime.

The constant screeching of the alarm was so loud it made you glad that it drowned out the sound of the bell ringing above the door. Your eyes traveled around the restaurant, it was the same but it wasn’t. Little things missing telling you that some type of work was being done.

“As I live and fucking breathe!” The loud voice you would recognize anywhere drawing your attention to the dining area, Richie’s large figure taking up the doorway.

You shared a small smile with him. Subtly adjusting your scarf to cover the most noticeable scar lining your face, you watched as the older man took steps to close the distance between the two of you. The tall man quickly pulled you into a tight hug.

You hadn’t realized how much you needed a hug from Richie until you were snuggly pressed against his chest, the warmth of his body helping to relax you. The unconscious thought crossed your mind that you might have never experienced one of these hugs again if you hadn’t made it to the hospital in time.

The love Richie was pouring into the hug caused your eyes to water, Mikey’s passing bonding the two of you, the loss of someone you both loved so much bringing the two of you impossibly closer. But not close enough for him to know the path you had taken after. And not close enough for you to want to burden him with being just another addict in his life.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your head before pulling away, the annoying alarm still blaring at full volume. You stepped back to give him space, “You been fucking around in the crawl space Richie?” The question paired with your signature grin as Richie let loose his boisterous laugh.

“Of course, you’d fucking know about the alarm.” Richie’s disgruntled mumbling met your ears.

“Hey, Richie, could you please turn that goddamn motherfuckin thing off?” The voice of Cicero filtered through your ears. “It’s making me insane!”

“My bad Uncle J, Baby just walked through the door and shit like a ghost. Fucking Mikey booby trapping crawl spaces and shit.” He poked his head back into the dining room to let the occupants know he somewhat had the situation under control.

“Mikey’s fuckin Kevin McCalliper-,” The responses correcting Richie caused you to let out a small giggle, the noise bringing a smile to Richie’s lips.

You continued standing with Richie as he spoke to somebody on the phone, the long one-word password he gave made you chuckle. Pretending you knew how to help Richie was an excuse to not join the conversation going on in the back for a while.

While the blaring alarm was causing your ears to ring, the loud noise was a buffer between your impending thought and the inevitability of being back in this restaurant. The sudden quiet was the only sign that you would have to face a now unavoidable situation.

“Here lemme take that,” Richie reached out expecting you to give him your scarf and jacket. You hesitated, your wardrobe feeling like a sense of armor for the time being.

“Uh, I’m actually pretty cold. Thanks, Rich.” Your hand shot out to pat his bicep, head jerking in the direction the voices were coming from. “Sugar in there?” You didn’t need Richie to reply to know the answer.

You followed Richie’s lead as he headed to the back, taking a deep breath to still your nerves, not all too sure what you were getting yourself into. You watched as Richie pulled up a chair next to Cicero for you, taking your tote bag out of your hands as he gestured for you to sit. You smiled politely, giving him a small nod as you moved further into the room.

Three out of four familiar faces stared back at you, the look on Nat’s face indicating how much it meant for her that you showed up.

“What is this an intervention?” You made the joke as a way to cut the tension that had filled the room, the silence felt even louder as Nat said your name in a reprimanding tone, the joke not being funny to her one bit. You shrugged before moving to sit in your designated chair, shooting a small smile to the dark-skinned woman who was eyeing you from across the table. Your eyes easily avoided the blue ones you knew too well.

You listened as Nat cleared her throat, all attention focused on her. “So uh, I invited Baby here because I think she deserves to be a part of this decision.” Four eyes flashed to you as you awkwardly adjusted in your seat. “And, um she has a decent savings account.”

A snort left your lips at Natalie’s rushed words, her ulterior motives for inviting you here reminding you a bit of her mischievous brown-eyed older brother.

“Sorry uh, big fan of your work. But uh, how do you play into all this.” Your eyes drifted to the unknown woman, a smile played at your lips, a feeling of shyness sweeping across you at the fact that she had any idea who you were.

“Family friend.”

“Old acquaintance.”

The three other people at the table looked between you and Carmy, eyes darting back and forth at both of your explanations. You couldn’t help the cackle you let out, missing the look of panic shooting through Natalie’s eyes. You couldn’t recall a time you would ever describe your relationship with Carmen Berzatto as an acquaintanceship.

“Baby is a close family friend,” Nat interjected before any other response could be given. “A friend we should be thankful for even considering investing in the restaurant.”

Your eyes finally found Carmy’s having a hard time taming the smile threatening to spread across your lips. The false confidence you were exuding helped you not overthink the situation you were in.

The conversation picked back up where it had left off after you entered. You sank into your seat shoving your hands into your jacket and tucking your chin into your scarf as you did your best to pay attention. You couldn’t help but let your eyes travel across the mostly empty dining room, memories of a life that no longer felt like your own clawing to overtake your senses.

Up and down, up and down. The tick you gained while in recovery helped you to remain in the present your leg working overtime as it bounced to keep you focused.

The voices talking around you are drowned out by your wandering thoughts. Thoughts that had you re-evaluating your relationship with Natalie.

It was no secret that you had become a selfish person after Mikey’s death, every decision you made was to benefit you, and if someone else somehow benefited from it then good for them.

That was the reason you stayed in Chicago so long after the funeral, telling yourself that the remaining Berzattos needed you, that you were staying to make sure they made it out of the deep end alive.

But that was a lie, you stayed because you were too afraid to face your own emotions, afraid to face your grief head-on. Even now you could say you stayed behind to ensure Donna and Sugar were okay, but deep down you knew that you stayed because you didn’t want to be alone.

You helped Richie at The Beef because he needed you, needed to know he wasn’t alone. In all actuality, it was you who needed them, you who had become dependent on people grieving just as much as you.

The same could be said about your substance abuse after returning to your reality. The idea of never being able to talk to Mikey, see Mikey, or hold Mikey was all just an excuse you used to justify your indulgences.

You constantly told yourself that it wouldn’t be fair to burden Sugar or Richie with your hurting, that they didn’t need to babysit you while trying to heal themselves. That when your memory became spotty and you missed more than one of Sugar’s calls, it was because she didn’t need to put up with you and your problems.

And then unintentionally or not, you became Natalie’s problem. Not even letting her brother’s grave grow cold before you forced her to face the idea of losing another person she spent her whole life loving.

You pleaded with the universe for Nat to wipe her hands of you. To let you waste your life away and rot like you were starting to. To turn her back on you, because how could you so easily fall into the same vice as Mikey knowing how much it affected him; knowing how much it affected the people who cared for him.

How dare you pretend as though no one would give a shit if they had to bury you mere months after putting Michael to rest. How fucking dare you be so selfish.

There were nights in bed where you’d lay awake questioning your intentions. Had you purposely thrown your life away because you knew Natalie would come to your rescue? Did you somehow manipulate Natalie’s good nature into digging you out of a hole you were so far gone in you couldn’t bring yourself back from?

You always got on Natalie about putting herself first, and how she needed to stop stretching herself so thin for everyone else. And then you went and almost fucking died, and you forced her to take on a role she had been playing her whole life.

You had willingly ruined your life and forced Natalie to face the consequences.

If there was one thing you learned in your recovery, it was that getting clean, staying clean, and becoming a healthier better version of yourself should never be done for someone else. You had to want it for yourself, but damn if seeing Natalie’s face didn’t push you to get your shit together you weren’t sure what did.

“500,” you weren’t sure where the confidence to speak up came from, not even entirely sure what the balance in your savings account even was. Your unfocused eyes now staring directly into Natalies. “That’s my offer.” You quickly glanced around at everyone else unsure as to what they were even talking about but needing to put your stake into the game.

“Like $500..or,” your attention turned to the other woman, her voice trailing off indicating that she indeed was asking a question.

A chuckle parted your lips as you shook your head. “No, I mean 500K.” You made sure to look at each person across from you individually, instilling how serious your offer was.

“Bullshit.” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, sure he had been speaking this whole time but it's not like you were paying that much attention.

You scoffed, eyes rolling in tandem with the sound. “I thought you needed money Carmen,” the name slipped through clenched teeth. You turned to face Nat. Your final numbers would be decided between the two of you, “Nat?”

“100.”

“450.”

“120.”

“375.”

“200,” you hesitated for a minute. The triumphant smile on Natalie’s lips caused your eyes to narrow.

“250, or I walk.” You leaned forward hands moving to lay flat atop the table, a small smirk played on your lips. Your leverage was total shit and Nat knew that there was no way you’d walk away from this project.

“Deal.” The smile on your lips faltered as you faced Carmy again, his annoying crystal blue eyes staring daggers into you.

Clearing your throat you slumped back in your seat, hands moving back to hide inside your pockets. The meeting finished on a good note without a hitch, with the restaurant gaining an extra 250K to put toward inevitable expenses.

You quickly stood from your seat moving to escape any awkward reunion that may have sprouted between you and Carmy. The interest in meeting Carmy’s partner was pushed to the back burner as you made your way through the restaurant, looking for the one other person you wanted to speak with at the moment.

Maneuvering through the kitchen you found Tina not too far from what you remembered to be her usual station. You leaned against the wall watching her work, the effort she was putting into saving burnt and rusted pots bringing a small smile to your face. You shrugged off your jacket and slipped the scarf from around your neck.

“Need some help?” The hesitation in your voice was evident. You weren’t sure where you stood with Tina, you knew how she felt about Mikey and how much his choices affected her. The thought of relaying the past few months to her was too much for you to think about at this moment, you had time, and when you were ready you would confide in her. But for now, there was no point in ruining a much-needed reunion.

You watched as Tina jolted, not prepared to hear your voice. “Ay, dios mío!” Tina turned to you hand raised above her heart, eyes wide. “Why the fuck are you sneaking around the kitchen.” You listened to the older woman’s voice scold you before making your way in her direction.

Not giving her another second before throwing your arms around her, you probably should’ve made sure it was okay, but there was nothing like a mother’s endearing hug to let you know that everything would eventually be okay.

The two of you stood in each other’s embrace in the middle of the kitchen. Neither of you said a word as your quiet sobs began to echo off the walls. You were crying for Mikey, and for yourself, and for all the lives the both of you had ruined, whether they knew it or not.

You were apprehensive to step foot back in this establishment so soon. But it had easily shown you all the things your life would have missed out on had you not allowed Natalie to get you the help you needed.

Carmy’s head perked up as he noticed you exit the kitchen with Tina. His irritation began to rise as he laid eyes on you, Sugar had blindsided him with your arrival. He hadn’t even known you moved back to Chicago, let alone that you had any interest in getting The Bear up and running.

You looked different. His eyes immediately caught the obvious scar tracing along your jaw. The tip of it started a few centimeters below your chin before meeting your jawline and finding its end just before your ear. It was a gnarly scar and he knew for sure the amount of stitches you needed must have been painful.

Carmy was also sure you didn’t have that scar a year ago, nor the smaller one that was carved into your upper lip. He would’ve taken notice, you can’t spend 48 hours with someone and not be able to recall all the puzzle pieces that were specially made to create them.

He watched the two of you approach the group at the counter, you hanging a little farther back than probably necessary, pretending to occupy yourself with the bare walls. Carmy might’ve smiled at your awkwardness if he wasn’t so confused by your presence.

A distracted farewell to Tina left his lips as he tried not to be so obvious in his study of you. His eyes refused to meet Sugar’s as he could feel her watching him, watching you.

Sydney’s return gained his full attention, forcing himself to focus on something else other than his thoughts that were racing and full of you. The clearing of your throat as you finally made your way to stand next to Sug had all six sets of eyes focusing on you.

You didn’t just look different. From the very few interactions the two of you shared and Carmy’s constant people-watching, you seemed like an altogether new person, the confidence and surety he was used to seeing in you was dull.

“I don’t mean to impose, but I was kind of hoping I could take on a more involved role in all of this?” Carmy’s eyes squinted as your hand raised in a flourish to signify you were talking about the restaurant.

You were met with silence. Carmy was too distracted by being in your presence after a drought without you, and Sydney still hadn’t even been truly introduced to you.

“Shit, sorry.” Your hand shot out to shake the woman’s hand as the two of you introduced yourselves. Although she read your articles, mostly your profile stories highlighting various chefs, it was different to be formally introduced to the person behind the stories.

“I uh, actually read most of your articles.” Carmy watched as you brightened up a bit your writing something that would always bring you joy. “I had to cancel my subscription though.” The sound of your laugh went straight to Carmy’s heart, he hadn’t realized how much he missed the delicate sound until hearing it again in this moment.

“I actually have a proposal for you three,” you paused, making sure everyone was paying attention before continuing your explanation. “What if I highlighted the renovation? I was..uh…before,” you had to stop yourself and take a deep breath to ground yourself.

“I was profiling The Beef and Mikey before he…yeah. Um, so I was thinking I could maybe continue that with The Bear,” you stopped to make sure everyone was following along, sending Carmy a small smile before continuing. “We could profile the team, give people a behind-the-scenes look into the renovation, and who’s behind it. I would publish it, it would be great PR and might help to fill seats.”

The following silence made you feel insecure about your proposal. “Maybe just give it a thought. No pressure or anything uh just let me know if there's any interest.” Your voice trailed off as your confidence continued to plummet, Carmy’s blank eyes doing nothing to quell your nervousness.

You turned your attention back to Sugar, a silent plea to leave in your eyes. She nodded “Uh, Baby and I had plans so we’ll be heading out.” You sent the two chefs in front of you a forced smile before hurriedly returning to the kitchen to pick up your jacket and scarf you left there. Call it cowardly but slipping out through the kitchen’s back door seemed to be in your best interest.

The fresh air whipped against your face like a blade, and the immediate change in temperature helped to relax you. There would never have been a perfect time to make your return to this restaurant, and maybe it wasn’t how you things to go, but you felt an immense pressure off your shoulders.

The hard part was over, you made it through the door, walked past the remnants of Mikey every time a specific spot reminded you of him.

It wouldn’t always be like today, you knew that. Some days would be harder than others as you worked through your struggles and allowed yourself to feel the loss of Mikey. One step at a time, it was cliche but it was really how you had to live your life from now on.

Being around Carmy would continue to be hard for the time being. You had essentially watched his brother deteriorate, watched as his mind no longer became his own. And you too had almost become a victim to the whims of your drug-addled mind.

You wouldn’t force a relationship with him and would make him privy to your shortcomings when you were ready. But you told yourself you would be okay if he wanted nothing to do with you, the choices you made would not be easy to come to terms with. And if Carmen Berzatto decided he was finally done with your constant disappointment in his life, you’d just have to accept it.

The sound of Natalie’s footsteps pulled you from the labyrinth of your mind, a small smile sent her way as the two of you made your journey far from this lot of memories.

Carmen stared at the outlines they had hung along the walls, eyes following along with tasks that needed to be completed to open in six months.

He didn’t want to admit it but he was a little bummed out that Sugar returned to the restaurant without you. Any small glimpse, or interaction he could get with you he would swallow like a man starving. The chef stood there doing his best as his counterpart gushed over meeting you, doing his best not to cringe at his two worlds colliding.

Carmy wasn’t sure if he could keep it professional while you worked alongside him on the renovation. Sure you would be doing your own thing in tandem with the work that would get done. But surrounding himself with you in an already stressful time in his life and an even more stressful environment wasn’t something he was prepared for.

He let his mind wander, thoughts of what happened to you in the year since your visit drowning him. Carmy had no clue what happened after you left that night, no clue what had seemed to connect you and Sugar more than you already were.

Seeing you again made his chest hurt. Seeing you was like a hot poker being shoved through his heart, unbearably comfortable but all so warming at the same time. He wanted to know you, know what had changed you since the last time his fingers had traced your skin.

Carmy knew the two of you were nowhere near as close as you had once been. Unsure if you’d ever share a connection like your past one. But he knew while you were here, in Chicago, surrounding yourself with him, the two of you would be given equal opportunity to put this years-long game of cat and mouse to an end; it was just a matter of who bit first.

a/n: well…here we are. i know this might read like baby’s life is just gonna be sunshine and rainbows from here on out but i can promise its not. she is a deeply flawed character with a lot of shit to figure out and a half baked relationship with everyone’s favorite chef won’t fix that. i’ve been around addicts my whole life so i have an understanding of what they can be like, i want to iterate that in no way am i romanticizing addiction. my personal experiences with functioning/addicts DO NOT make me an expert on this topic in anyway, but i do use those experiences to write for baby. i’m always here if anyone needs to talk. i hope you all enjoy <3

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