#half the people in my grade have known me as [old name] since kindergarten and then i just stroll in the last year of school 'yeah so i'm

[50c14lly4nx10u5]

i don't think some of my bandmates got the message that my Name Changed cuz before the concert i was asked 'are you excited, [old name]?' by one of platy's old friends

i never corrected em cuz i felt too awkward they had literally never talked to me b4 >_<

[dourpeep]

OKAY time for a college au!!

You 3 know each other from before college

You and kazuha were seating next to each other during your first year of high school you became close enough to greet each other whenever you guys pass by each other

And you and Xiao were best friends from kindergarten to 2 grade but unfortunately you had to move suddenly you two tried to keep contact but the two of you made new friends and kinda lost contact with each other

So when you go to college you meet kazuha at the front desk when you're trying to get your schedule and yall are like "omg I'm so happy to see someone that I know here!" and when you guys check your schedules it turns out that the two of you have the same class during the first period

And you're like "we've got 30 minutes wanna go grab a cup of coffee and get lost together?" and kazu knows that you playfully flirt with your friends so he jokingly says "are you asking me out for a date? Because if you are then I accept!" and you guys talk on the way to class and the two of you barely make it on time

Class ends and you're sad to say goodbye to the only person you know on campus but then all of a sudden he hits you with a "by the way can I have your number?" so you two exchange numbers

Later you're going to your last class and it turns out that this class doesn't have many people you go sit in the back and someone comes up to you and is like "can I sit next to you? " you say yes obviously

But the thing is... there is something very familiar about this guy and you just can't put your finger on it so you kind of stare at him without realizing it

Of course he noticed how hard you've been staring at him and turns around and is like "what? Is there something on my face?" that's when it finally clicks

And you're just like "XIAO??! IS THAT REALLY YOU?!!" but the teacher comes in so you two can't really talk

But the moment class ends you tell him who you are and take a few minutes to catch up

Though I say catch up it was mostly you teasing him saying shit like "I can't believe the shy kid who used to tear up whenever his turn on the swing was taken would grow up to be this handsome!" (he's starting to think that maybe he should have sat somewhere else)

So you're like "hey how we go actually catch up I've got some coupons for this café I went to this morning with a friend"

He doesn't have a reason to say no so he just accepts the invitation

When you guys get there who do you meet? KAZUHA! This man actually works there!

When you see him you're like "kazuha why didn't you tell me that you work here?" but he pretends not to know you and is like "oh? Well who might this fine customer be?" you can tell he's joking by the way he's trying not to laugh so you decide to play along

Poor Xiao is starting to regret coming with you (but don't worry he got 2 plates of almond tofu as an apology)

-no primogems (I'll make another part later where you 3 become roommates)

YES I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS-

dhfaeiahe I realize now that I should've just posted this as is since I wasn't planning on adding to this but might as well add in some thoughts I've had about this lovely trio eh??? tbh I didn't add much I just slipped in a few little things hehe

Can you guess the roomates?? Also the bio professor is Albedo ehe

Anyway!!

Considering it's the first semester of college, you haven't yet decided on your major. Luckily, you have quite a few general education classes to take, so you register all in one night.

You'll have the time to figure it all out as time goes by, no?

The rest of summer is spent juggling moving into the campus' dorms, working, and keeping up with some friends from high school. While you've kept contact with a few friends, you definitely kicked yourself in the ass for forgetting to ask Kazuha for his number...how could you forget one of your best friends?

But, you suppose that he's far off in a whole other city with his wish to experience more. You can't help but wonder what he's up to.

Then, the first day of classes starts.

How did you not figure out where everything is first? Instead of moping, you trudge to the administrative building early to ask for directions and, even better, a map of the large campus.

Instead, you find a familiar head of cream-colored hair.

Immediately, you gasp and he turns around in confusion, only for a soft smile to spread over his features. It's only been a summer but it's a relief to see that you know another person. Comparing schedules, he points out that you both have Communications 1301 together.

For once, you're glad you have to take these mandatory courses...

But with an abundance of time (as Kazuha just so happens to know where the class is), he accepts your jokingly firtatious proposal to head to the cafe just across campus to grab a morning drink.

It's hardly been long since you've last spoken to him, but there's still so much to talk about! It turns out he opted to rent out a small studio apartment just a few blocks away from campus! Naturally, he invites you over sometime.

He's also admitted that he decided to major in English--something you're not surprised to hear. After all, Kazuha's a natural at the subject, exceeding the assignments and always so eloquent.

If you recall correctly, he used to tote around a little notebook full of little musings and poetry during high school. You wonder if he still does that.

You talk about how you've just moved into the dorms a week ago, how you're lucky to be rooming with two musically inclined (if not a bit rowdy) people. You're sure that he'd take a liking to them once everything is calmed down a bit. Kazuha just raises a brow in half-doubt.

Before you know it, it's been an hours and, to your horror, your first class starts in five minutes. Not to mention that it was back closer to the admin building and you were on the opposite side of campus.

But it's still fun, Kazuha laughing as you jolt up and tug him to stand, the two of you running to get to class on time. With heaving breaths and flushed faces, you make it just a few minutes late. Luckily, your professor didn't mind because it was the first day...

Following class, you have to make your way to Bio 1301, Kazuha having a major-specific English course to get to. Before you can speak, though, he offers his phone to you. It's newer than his old flip phone you'd tease him about all the time, the screen clean save for a few stray fingerprints.

After you put in your number, he beams and quickly sends you a call so you can have his too.

"Call me after you're done with classes, alright?"

You promise to and the two of you set off.

Biology proves to be uneventful, a full hour and a half of the (rather attractive) professor going over what to expect as well as passing out lab waiver forms. A necessary precaution, he said with a reserved sigh. You wonder what happened.

When the hour ends, you have some time before World History, followed by a Trigonometry course.

By the time you find your trig class, most of the seats are already taken, making that feeling of dread fill the pit of your stomach. Nothing is worse than being forced to take whatever seat is left. But, noticing a seat by the windows, it's not so bad.

You're in the back, though, settling your bag beneath your chair and picking out a pen and schedule book.

At some point, someone walks in and asks if the seat in front of you is taken. You don't bother to look up long as you fish out a notebook, letting him know it's free.

As class goes on, you realize that the guy in front of you most likely hasn't been paying attention. Considering that the professor has been rehashing stuff from Algebra...you're not surprised. But something about his dark hair catches your eye. Not to mention his striking gold eyes...hm.

It's not until you catch his profile as he stares out the window that it clicks.

"Xiao."

His eyes dart to look at you, a confused look washing over his face. You repeat his name.

"Yes?"

Part of him is just about ready to leave as recognition floods your expression, smile wide. How could you possibly---

"I can't believe the shy kid who used to tear up whenever his turn on the swing was taken would grow up to be this handsome!"

The tips of his ears turn red fast, something that you remember very well about him, and his gaze quickly flicks over to the professor still dragging on. When gold settles back on you, they're practically begging for you to lower your voice.

"It's been forever--I can't believe that you-"

"If you're going to talk, do it outside of class."

Ah. Oopsie.

Time seems to drag on while you buzz in your seat, excited to see your childhood friend after loosing contact. You've missed him over the years, always wondering what happened to him, how he's been. And finally, when class ends, he gets up and waits for you.

Naturally, you want to catch up, so you invite him to go to the cafe with you for a late lunch.

"You still like almond tofu right? It's all you used to eat when we were little." Laughing, you nudge his shoulder and the color returns to his cheeks as he mumbles a yes.

When you step into the cafe, a familiar voice greets you.

"If I knew a cute customer would be coming, I would've gone on break."

Kazuha leans on the counter, mirth in his eyes and you gasp. It makes sense now, why he's so well acquainted with the campus and why he'd already known what to order when you arrived for drinks-

"What can I get for you today?"

"Your number."

Xiao's face pales at the blatant flirting, wondering if he should've just declined the invitation to the cafe until the two of you burst into laughter. Though, it's hardly better.

"Sorry, sorry- This is Kazuha, one of my friends from high school. Kazuha, this is my childhood best friend Xiao."

With a day so filled with nice coincidences, you doubt that life can get any better than this.

Oh, how wrong you'd be.

[izzielizzie]

Rough on the Surface but You Cut Through Like a Knife

summary: When Bronwyn Rojas ends up next to the ever obnoxious Nate Macauley in Spanish class, she doesn’t really mean to hit him with a book. Well, she does, but she doesn’t expect to end up in the principal’s office with him. And she definitely doesn’t expect to find him amusing.

alternatively: Bronwyn hits Nate with a book and a long overdue conversation ensues (AU)

title from Willow by Taylor Swift

I’m about to drop into my regular seat in AP Spanish, my last class of the day, when Señora Trias calls “Don’t sit yet niños, we have some seat switching to do!”

I groan along with the rest of the class and catch Kate’s eye. We’ve sat together the entire year. I don’t even think I know anyone else in my class. She shrugs in a resigned sort of way. Señora Trias is a force to reckoned with, and we both know she’ll never let us stay in the same seats. We follow the teacher’s instructions, and I’m too busy trying to figure out the complicated dance we’re doing - row one to the left, row two to the right, front to back and back to front - that I don’t even notice that I’ve ended up next to a boy in a ratty leather jacket. 

Ugh. Nathaniel Macauley. The school’s notorious drug dealer/womanizer/delinquent/major headache. 

And this headache is smirking at me.

“Can I help you?” I ask.

“Nope, I’m all good… partner.”

I hate the way he says that word, it’s suggestive and disgusting and I suppress a shudder, turning instead to the front of the room, where we’re reviewing pluscuamperfecto. As a native Spanish speaker, I can confidently say I have no idea what the heck that is. 

“This is pointless,” Nate grumbles.

“Shhh,” I whisper back, taking a glance at his sharp jaw and deep blue eyes. I’ve known Nate from a distance my whole life, we’ve gone to the same schools since kindergarten, but this is the first time we’ve been so close - or exchanged words - in years.

I look back to the teacher, who’s now going over conjugations. I scribble them down in my notebook as Nate tips his chair back on two legs, rocking back and forth. 

“You’re going to kill yourself,” I inform him.

“Wow Rojas, I didn’t know you cared.”

I scoff and Señora Trias sends us a sharp look. “Señorita Rojas. Señor Macauley, no talking.”

I give Nate a sharp look. “Now look what you’ve done,” I hiss, feeling the reprimand as if it had been thrown at me. Nate just smirks. 

“You’ve never been in trouble have you?” he asks. I ignore him and he barks out a laugh, my silence serving as an answer. “Wow Rojas, I knew you were straight laced but I didn’t know you were that straight laced.”

And we all know you’re not I think, remembering the drug bust rumor Kate was whispering about last week. 

Nate clearly can tell I’m not interested in listening to him, so in the time it takes me to pull out the short novel we’re reading in class from my bag and read about a chapter, Nate doesn’t say a word. When I’m copying down the questions our teacher wrote on the board onto my notebook, he starts talking.

“What’s the answer to one?”

“Solo español por favor!” Señora Trias calls from the front of the class. I give Nate a triumphant look, expecting him to be unable to follow the teacher’s instruction of only talking in Spanish. Unfortunately this is Spanish class. And Nate’s not an idiot. He repeats the question in the correct language, and I decide that I’d be better off ignoring him. 

After a few moments, I can feel Nate leaning over my shoulder. I look over to see his eyes on my paper.  

“Stop that,” I whisper. 

“Spanish only,” he whispers back.

“That wasn’t even in Spanish!”

“Neither was that,” Nate points out. 

I huff and go back to my paper, flipping through my book to find the answer to my next question. 

“Help meeeee,” Nate whispers. 

“Shut up,” I say.

“Bronwynnnnnn.”

“Shhh.”

“Rrrrrrojas.”

My sister once told me about out of body experiences when we were children, and at the time I had scoffed because the supernatural does not exist. But when I close my book - marking my page with my finger because I’m not a philistine - and swing it straight into Nate’s face, I swear I’m not controlling myself at all.

“Would you shut up?” I snap as an unnatural silence overtakes the room. I look around for the first time, meeting stricken faces. Kate’s looking at me like she’s never met me before. 

“Bronwyn Rojas,” Señora Trias says dangerously. I risk a glance at Nate and feel a flash of sympathy when I see a red mark on his cheek. But he’s smirking at me so maybe he deserved it. 

I’m frozen, not quite sure what to say. Señora Trias points to the door. “Principal. Both of you.”

“Both!” Nate and I say at the same time.

“Yes, look at that you’re in sync, no use that rhythm to get to the office.” 

Not the best witty comment around, all things considered, but since Señora Trias looks like she’s ready to commit murder so I let it slide.

“So let me get this straight,” Principal Gupta says, staring at Nate and I, sitting side by side in the uncomfortable chairs in Gupta’s office. “You two were partnered in Spanish class, Bronwyn you were annoyed with Nathaniel, so you hit him with a book?”

Nate tips his chair back and I kick at his ankle. He kicks back. 

“Bronwyn.”

“Yes, sorry. This is correct,” I say. Principal Gupta stares at me. I’ve been getting a lot of stares lately. She opens her mouth to say something, but before she can, the secretary appears at the door.

“There’s a problem in the cafeteria,” she informs Gupta, who sighs. She looks sharply at us. 

“I am going to be gone for ten minutes tops. Please refrain from murdering each other.”

I nod vehemently while Nate tips his chair back farther, his smirk growing. I count backwards from fifty in my head just to make sure Gupta is really gone before wheeling back towards him. I push down on the arm of his chair with all my might. Nate crashes to the ground, a look of shock on his face.

“Jesus Bronwyn.”

“Stop tilting your gosh darn chair” I hiss, my face only a few inches away from his. I can see myself reflected back in his dark blue eyes. I look mildly deranged. He smirks again and I raise my hand. He flinches away. Ha. Take that. 

He holds up his hands in surrender, leaning away from me. “Would it make you feel better if I sat on the floor Rojas?”

“Yes, yes it would.” 

Nate slides to the ground, and before I can realize what’s happening, he’s pulling me down by the waist. “What the heck?” I ask.

Nate shrugs. “If I have to sit on the floor, then you do too.” He pauses for a beat. “And your legs look good in that skirt.

I slap his shoulder. “Jackass!”

Nate laughs. “She swears!” he announces to an audience of… no one. 

“Why is that notable?” I ask, self-consciously tucking my legs underneath myself, ignoring my tingling waist where Nate’s fingers ended up under my shirt. 

“Because a minute ago you said ‘gosh darn’ and not even grandmothers would say that Rojas.”

I can feel my face flush, but I cross my arms anyway. My little sister always teases me about how I don’t swear. Not that she swears either. “Is it really a bad thing?”

“Yes.”

I flush more, irritated at myself that Nate’s opinion matters this much to me. He senses that I’m done talking because he looks straight ahead at Gupta’s desk, where we can just make out a picture of her and her daughter.

“How’s your sister doing? Maeve, right?” Nate asks, and I turn to stare at him in shock. My sister Maeve left elementary school with cancer a long time ago. Nate was just starting to know her - they were on the same soccer team - and I don’t expect him to remember her, let alone her name.

“Yeah, it’s Maeve,” I say, my tone considerably softer. Nothing makes me happier than my sister. “She’s okay.”

“She’s in remission right?” 

I turn my body so I’m looking straight ahead at him, a concession maybe. My anger is ebbing, and I’m sort of guilty about that bruise on his face. “She is. Thank you for asking.” Not many people do. 

“You’re welcome.” What he says next surprises me so much I almost miss what he says: “Want to talk about it?”

I look at him for a moment, at his dark eyes and smattering of freckles and his closed off expression, and I can’t help the feeling that he’s being serious. And I don’t know why that’s so off putting.

I shrug, trying to figure out what to say. “It just sucks, you know?” I finally land on.

Nate nods. “I know.” I think back to his mother’s funeral, the dark, rainy morning where he stood in an old suit, his father too drunk to even show up. I kept thinking about Maeve, about how some day I might have to stand in the same place, shouldering the burden of a million worlds. 

I imagine that’s how it feels to lose someone.

I feel the need suddenly, to make those eyes light up so I shift slightly closer to him and pluck at the sleeve of his leather jacket. 

“Hey, remember when we were locked in that music room at St. Pi?” I ask.

Nate glances over at me through hooded eyes, his eyelashes unnaturally long. He nods, a half smile on his lips. “I remember. Sixth grade right?”

“Yeah.” I remember that day like it was yesterday. We had been arguing - much like today - in the middle of a music class, and our teacher sent us to the storeroom to sort flutes until we calmed down or something. But we - and the teacher - had forgotten that the door to the store room door locked from the outside. Nate and I were locked in for nearly an hour, which to twelve year olds, felt like forever.

“It was a pretty good day you know?”

“Really? I thought I threw a clarinet case at you.”

“Well you did,” Nate says. “But you know… it was nice. You’re nice.”

“Aww.”

“But you are violent.”

“Touché,” I admit.

He smiles at me, his eyes soft, and I smile back. I’m about to reach up to touch the bruise on his face when Gupta comes back, breezing through the door like she’s floating. She groans when she sees us. 

“Why are you on the floor?”

“Heat rises,” Nate says with a shrug.

“It’s November."

Nate and I just look at each other and smile. We climb back into our seats, and when he tips his chair back, I don’t say anything. And when I say “gosh” instead of “god” when I’m assuring Gupta that “I swear to gosh I didn’t mean to hit him I’m so sorry” Nate doesn’t even bat an eye.

Truce, I guess. 

Gupta spends ten minutes talking about pressure and how sometimes we cave but if Nate forgives me it’s okay before she lets us leave. Nate and I mockingly shake hands before we get up and it’s… nice. 

The bell has already rung, so we turn in opposite directions, me to physics and him to gosh knows where when he turns to me.

“Hey, want to go to the mall on Saturday? You can buy me a pretzel for my troubles.”

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll throw something at you?”

Nate grins his Macauley grin. “I think I’ll risk it, Rojas.”

My smile is his answer.

[nex-ture]

Kiyoko x Fem!Reader

Song Fic - Kindergarten boyfriend

Suggested by @/Oikawaspubiclice

[TW]

Suicidal Thoughts

Death

------------

There was a boy I met in Kindergarten

He was sweet, he said that I was smart

It was the first day of school, the first day of kindergarten. Kids were excited and saying bye to the parents. You walked over to your guardian and said goodbye. Before class started you were encouraged to go around and say "Hi" to your classmates and new friends.

As children were walking around one girl with long black hair caught your eye. She had maybe one or two kids surrounding her. You walked over to the girl to introduce yourself, "Hello miss, My name is [Y/N]!" You said pretty loudly as she looked back at you.

"I'm Kiyoko." The girl extended her hand to shake yours. You excitedly grabbed hers and shook it violently. You knew from that moment the two of you would be close.

The class soon started and you decided to sit next to your new friend, as she was the only one you had time to speak to. Well, you did speak to a few other boys but they wouldn't speak to you because they didn't want to talk to a girl. Their fragile 6-year-old masculinity was getting to them.

When the class began you could see Kiyoko was struggling with a math problem. your teacher said nothing about helping others with the assignment so you decided to help. "What's wrong Kiyo." You've only known her for over an hour and she's already earned herself a nickname. 

"I don't understand this problem" She pointed to a simple math equation on her page.

 2 + 8 = ?

You slowly explain how to find the sum and how to solve other problems. She couldn't thank you enough. "Thank you again [Y/N], You're really smart." These few words made your heart flutter. That one day and you fell in love.

He was good at sports, and people liked him

And at nap-time, once we shared a mat

A few weeks went by after your first day, Kiyoko and you started dating. Of course, teachers and parents thought it was a joke as you were both girls. In what world would two girls like each other?

Kiyoko was quite popular in the class, and since you were dating her the boys didn't really like you. You didn't care less about any of these things though.

"Kiyo wanna share a mat during nap-time?" You asked Kiyoko while smiling beautifully at her. "Sure [Y/N]." It was a dry yet clear answer, and that was enough for you.

I didn't sleep, I sat and watched him breathing

Watched him dream for nearly half an hour

As nap time came around, you got a mat out for Kiyoko and you. Everyone slowly closed their eyes, but not you. You were laying by Kiyoko, facing her as you watched her dream. She was stunning. This was the moment you realized how beautiful and how lucky you were to have her.

Time passes quickly when you're happy, and nap-time was almost over.

Then he woke up

As time passed Kiyoko grew aware of your eyes on her. She woke up to see you smiling at her. "Can you not sleep [Y/N]?" Kiyoko asked a little concerned. "Not really" That was the only reply you could think of to say to her. 

She recognized your sleep troubles and drew you into her arms. You cuddled the rest of nap time.

He pulled a scab off one-time playing kickball

Kissed me quick and pressed it in my hands

I took that scab and put it in a locket

All year long I wore near my heart

It was recess time, you and Kiyoko went to play on the playground. She fell and broke off part of her nail. She started bleeding so you went to call a teacher. The teacher came over quickly as she saw a crying Kiyoko be comforted by the other students.

You saw a part of her nail on the floor and quickly picked it up. You put it in your pencil case and never spoke about that day to anyone you knew.

The nail went missing only a few days after. You assumed your Guardian went through your backpack and found it.

He didn't care if I was thin or pretty

And he was mine until we hit first grade

The school year went by quickly, so it soon came to an end. The last day of school came, all the kids were upset that they had to say goodbye to their friends until next school year.

That day the class didn't do much, they played with their friends until their guardians came to pick them up. When Kiyoko was about to leave you quickly hugged her and said goodbye.

Soon after it was time for you to go home.

Who knew so much could happen in only a few months.

Then he woke up

The new school year started after what felt like an eternity to you. You were counting down the days until you got to see Kiyoko again.

When you finally made your way to school you got so excited when you saw Kiyoko that you quickly ran up and hugged her tightly. She swiftly pushed you off as she frowned.

"What's wrong Kyo?" you asked as you looked at her. "Please don't call me that." These few words shattered your heart into a million pieces. "I think it's best if we break up." She slowly said as she walked away with a new group of friends.

What was this feeling? 

You didn't go after her, instead, you stood there crying as your one friend- no your one Love left you.

Last night dreamed a horse with wings

Flew down into my homeroom

On its back there he sat

And held out his arms

The school didn't excite you like it used to anymore. So school went slowly but you finally pulled your way through to 5th grade. You were asleep in class and one of the weirdest dreams started playing. You were at your old kindergarten and Kiyoko soared through the window on the same mat you two shared.

She let out her hands to take you away from the school together.

So we sailed above the gym

Across the faculty parking lot 

You two were going across the places you both liked to hang out at when you were younger. As you made your way to a "rose bed" where you landed. 

You were able to kiss your kindergarten girlfriend again. It brought you back in time to those moments you loved. Those moments where you were young and in love.

How you wished you could go back in time and relive these days.

My kindergarten Boyfriend and I

And a horse with wings

You two laughed and enjoyed all the little things in the present that you never got to do...

Now we're all grown up and we know better

Now we recognized the way things are 

Certain boys are just for kindergarten 

Certain girls are meant to be alone 

Your second year of high school came quickly. Every night you'd have a dream of your kindergarten girlfriend. As you walked the halls you walked past Kiyoko's locker that was full of heart notes.

It broke you to pieces remembering Kiyoko, people always feel this way about their lovers, right? I wish I knew why she left me that one day in 1st grade. Maybe then you wouldn't be so alone.

You missed Kiyoko with all that you were, everyone around you could see that. Sometimes you thought dreaming forever would solve everything.

But I believe that any dream worth having

Is a dream that should not have an end

So I'll build a dream that I can live in

And this time I'm never waking up

Every day these thoughts of dreaming and never coming back from your dream world affect you more and more. Sometimes you tell yourself that you and Kiyoko will find peace in each others' arms in the beautiful dream world.

It's been about a decade why are you still thinking about this girl who left you? Sure you were in love but why has her thought and memory always found their way back to you.

You want all these horrible thoughts to leave.

You want all these thoughts of her to leave.

You want everyone around you to just leave!

And we'll soar above the trees

Over the cars and croquet lawns

Past the church and the lake

And the tri-county mall

That one dream that you've had since 5th grade always found its way back to you. It was a beautiful dream that you want to play on repeat forever.

It makes you believe that Kiyoko never left you in some universe and that she loves you so much. This love will always find its way to your heart.

You know that it's not the time to let go of these feelings because she is still out there somewhere giving you all the love she has to give.

We will fly through the dawn

To a new kindergarten

You were loving every second of the dream you were having knowing and truly believing she was sending her love from miles away. The dream was soon coming to the part where it ends.

Where you and Kiyoko kiss and say your goodbyes. That didn't happen.

The flowers around you on the flower bed started to wilt and die. Kiyoko started fading away, you were scared you didn't understand what was happening. Soon the flowers formed a tombstone. You were in a beautiful black dress as you remembered that day she was killed.

It was in 4th grade when she was shot. you remember the funeral was a horrible day, no the worst day of your life.

But The stone slowly shifted to you meeting Kiyoko, or the happiest day of your life. You soon woke up from the dream. Kiyoko was always here with you, you knew that.

Were Naptime is centuries long

The next day you visited Kiyoko's grave with a few roses in hand. You laid them down and told Kiyoko about all the things she missed beyond her death day.

This soon became a daily activity, to come and tell Kiyoko about everything going on.

You knew she longed and waited for the day to see you again

And you did too...You waited for the day to see your 

Kindergarten Girlfriend

Word count- 1.7k

[softboywriting]

At First Sight | Part One| Werewolf AU | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You move to a werewolf community with your mom to start a new life. You’ve always dreamed of finding a mate and having a fairy tale romance like your parents once had, and maybe this place is where it’s finally going to happen. [fluff] [mates] [werewolf au] [half-blood au]

Word Count: 3.4k

|Masterlist In Bio|

The second you stepped in to the Lunacasa community you knew you were home. It had been so long since you felt safe anywhere and to be in a place where werewolves were the only ones allowed was something else.

When you were a child your parents home schooled you until you were about fifteen, when your dad passed away unexpectedly in a car accident. After that you went to a local high school because your mom simply couldn't work and teach you anymore. High school was a nightmare, as it was for many young teens. However your case was different. You didn't blend in so well. Werewolves were known to humans and most of them looked like humans with little to no defining features. Your problem is that you look human, ninety nine percent human, until you get to your ears.

Unfortunately you had gotten unlucky in the gene pool. Your mother, a werewolf and your father, a human, happened to result in you having small wolf like ears that stick out from the sides of your head where your normal human ears should be. It's as if you're mid transformation all the time and your ears just got stuck halfway between human and wolf.

It wasn't unheard of that werewolves and humans intermixed, but most often it was uncommon that they successfully had a child. When they did, well, usually it turned out human looking but without the ability to shape shift and maybe some weakened senses if it survived at all. You were...well to put it plainly, one in a million. The doctors think you tried to shift in the womb and things got a little messed up. Your hearing isn't too badly affected thankfully, it's not the best but it's alright. The doctors said its a result of the deformity.

Going to a public high school was torture. People didn’t want to be your friend, they picked on you relentlessly and you weren't allowed to cover your ears with a hat or any head wear, per school policy. Every week without fail, someone pulled your ears and or howled at you. Not even any of your werewolf peers would stand up for you. It was hell.

Graduation came soon enough and then you were free to be yourself in the real world. In theory anyways. Companies don't want to hire a girl with wolf ears. They don't even finish interviews with girls with wolf ears, no matter how much experience you put on your resume, they didn't care.

Thankfully you managed to get into the call center your mom worked part time at, and because it was dealing with customers over the phone only, they hired you. The job was a blessing. You were able to help your mom make the bills and put food on the table. Things were looking up for you...until more werewolves moved into your area. Male werewolves in particular.

The first night two wolves followed you home you knew you were in trouble. After that you refused to go out alone, anytime or any place, someone had to go with you.

For two years you lived like this, hiding in your house or making sure that you were never alone in fear a rogue wolf would take you. You always covered your ears when you went out. Scarves, hats, headbands and hoods, all of them worked and did wonders when you went shopping with your mom.

It wasn't until your mom heard about a community upstate that was hiring a teacher for onsite kindergarten and preschool grade wolves that you realized you had a chance to escape the hell you had been living in.

A community with Werewolves where humans wouldn't judge you and you would be accepted how you were and not tailed by wolves looking for a cute wolf to fuck and forget. It was a dream and you knew your mom had to get this job. For weeks your mom applied and interviewed for the position, often driving several hours to the community for them after work. The job was a golden opportunity. It would mean rent free living because she would be an employee within the community. Combine that with safety and security within the area and you were set for life.

Weeks went by without a word and then one day a woman called and said your mom got the job. A few days later and you are well on your way to the Lunacasa community.

_____________________

You stand in a grand hall that's beautifully decorated with hanging chandeliers and art between every window. It looks almost like a high end art gallery of some sort. To be honest, when you heard the word community you figured it would be just like a gated neighborhood or something. Needless to say your expectations have been blown out of the water.

This community is huge. Driving into the place was like driving through a small town. You passed shops and homes as you drove down the main street toward the massive building you’re in now. It is supposedly the community building but it looks more like a giant mansion and you wouldn’t be surprised to find out it was once a mansion that has been converted.

"Maybe you'll find a nice boy here." Your mom says, elbowing you encouragingly as she takes in the main hall. 

"I'd love to Mom. You've always told me how you and Dad fell for each other, it makes me want to have something like that."

"I know honey." She wraps her arm around you and lays her head on your shoulder. "I promise you'll find that special someone."

The sound of heels clicking on the wood floor snaps you out of your thoughts. A short curvy middle aged woman with long black hair is approaching followed by a very young, tall and handsome well dressed man behind her.

“Hello! Welcome! You must be Maria!” The woman says excitedly, extending her hand as she clicks closer. Your mom takes it, introduces the two of you and the woman says her name is Nancy and she is the Community Resources Director.

“This is Sha-” Nancy turns to introduce the young man who had been walking with her, only to find he has stopped a few feet back.

You look past Nancy and you can see he is staring at you. A flush rises on your cheeks. Surely he's spotted your ears. Great.

“Shawn? Are you alright?” Nancy asks, frowning.

“Yeah,” Shawn growls, clearing his throat and walking forward to meet you. “I'm fine. I've just got something...stuck, ahem!”

Nancy looks him over curiously. His behavior is obviously alarming her. “This is Shawn, he's the head alpha here. He oversees the pack, community, I'm sorry. If you ever have an issue don't be afraid to talk to him or myself.”

Your mom smiles and nods, continuing her conversation with Nancy but you don't hear a word. All you can focus on is Shawn. There's something about him that makes you want him. His presence is so inviting, warm and familiar. Never before have you felt so interested in someone. You've met other wolves of course but none that have made you feel like this.

Nancy, your mom and Shawn talk a while longer. Just some basic chit chat about Lunacasa and every few seconds Shawn looks at you, eyes on your face and other times sweeping over your body. His gaze didn't make you uncomfortable, and it holds no ill intent, like that of so many wolves that have ogled you before.

The three of them finish talking and Shawn extends his hand out to you as Nancy says she has some papers for your mom to sign for the new position.

“I can show you around while Nancy gets your mom set up for work.”

“Oh, um...” You look down and bite the inside of your cheek. You're sure it would be rude to refuse him without a legitimate reason. You didn't think you'd be alone with him so soon.

“Please?”

You place your hand on Shawn's and he curls his much larger fingers around yours. You look up and his eyes are alight in a golden amber hue. It takes your breath away. You have never seen golden eyes on a wolf before, its stunning in contrast to his dark hair and lightly tanned skin.

“I promise I don't bite.” He says playfully with a half chuckle.

“What if I like biting?” You cover your mouth, shocked at your own words. Where had that come from? That was not you. No way. 

Shawn smirks, and he leans in close. “If you like biting, you'd best let me know.”

"I-I'm so sorry. That was so rude."

He chuckles, a warm smile on his lips. He's clearly brushed it off, or he's just playing along with your outburst as to not make you feel so embarrassed. "No worries. Come on, I'll show you where you'll be staying."

"I hope it's not too far away, I didn’t wear walking shoes." You look down at your slip on flats and back up to Shawn.

Shawn rubs his thumb over the back of your hand in his and suddenly you realize he hasn't let go of it yet. "Most of the housing isn't too far from the main building. Everything is in walking distance currently, but no, your place isn’t far."

You walk with Shawn through the building until you reach a large set of double doors. "Can I ask you something?" You ask as Shawn pushes open the doors to a big garden enclosed by the building and several small homes.

"Anything."

You look around at the garden you've walked into. There are a bunch of kids running around and giggling, running along the stone paths and playing catch with a ball. "How are you the alpha in charge?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're fairly young right? You don't look much older than me."

Shawn hums and leads you to a path that goes toward the back of a small brick house. "If you had to guess, how old do you think I am?"

"Um, well, I'm twenty one. So...maybe twenty three?"

"Close. I'm twenty five. My turn to ask a question."

"Okay?" You stop outside the front door to the house and Shawn runs his hand over your left ear, taking the tip between his fingers to rub gently.

"How did this happen?"

"My ears?"

"Mmmhmm."

You reach up and cover them with your hands. The familiar feeling of insecurity creeps up your spine and your heart sinks, this place isn't going to be different is it. "I was born like this, it’s a defect of being a half blood. Is that a problem?"

Shawn laughs, out right laughs. Not a response you expected. "Absolutely its not a problem. I think they're very cute and definitely unique. I’ve never seen ears like this. Are you a half-blood?"

"Y-yeah."

"That's incredible." He reaches for your hands and pulls them away from your head. "They’re beautiful. Don't hide your ears, they're part of you."

"It's a habit. Having ears like this isn't easy."

"We're going to change that." He puts his fingers under your chin and lifts your head to look at him. Your heartbeat skyrockets. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to find me. I'm always around."

"O-oh okay. So this is my place then?"

"Mmm." Shawn hands you a small key and you close your hand around it. "I'll let you explore on your own now. Remember, I'm always available."

_____________________

"What do you think?" Your mom asks you a few days later after you've gotten everything moved into the house. It's a small place, only slightly bigger than your apartment in the city but just right for the two of you.

You turn to look at her from the kitchen where you're unpacking a box of pans and utensils. "About what?"

"This place. What's your first impression?"

"It's nice. Everyone has been really friendly so far. The grounds look well kept up." You stack pans in the cupboard under the sink. You can't help but think about Shawn. The way he made you feel all warm and cozy with just a look was unlike anything you've felt before. You wonder if he could be your mate.

"How about Shawn?" Your mom says in that teasing, 'I know something you don't' type of voice.

You stand and look at her, wondering if she was somehow a mind reader now. Sure enough she's got a little grin on her face. "Mom, he's the alpha. He's nice I guess."

"Do you like him?"

"Of course. He is very polite."

"Polite hmm?"

"Mom!"

"Oh come on! That boy had eyes for your across the room! Anyone could see he was flirting with you. What did you talk about after I left the first day? Does he like your ears? I heard he likes them."

You flush and you can feel the heat creep down your neck. "Who said he likes them?"

"He did." Your mom walks over and leans against the counter, smirking triumphantly. "He said he thinks you're a lovely young lady and that he thinks your ears unique. We talked a little about how I got pregnant and stuff and how rare it is to have a half blood."

"You talked about me?!"

"Well, not like you specifically! We just talked about how rare it is to find someone like you."

You cover your face and groan. "Mom, I don't want everything to be about my ears here. I want to be me, to be accepted as a normal person and not defined by my stupid ears."

"I'm sorry baby." She lays her hand on your back. "I promise I won't talk to anyone about you anymore. I didn't want to be rude and Shawn was curious. I promise, no more. You're just you, okay?"

"Thanks Mom." A knock on the back door to the garden gets your attention and you look to your mom. "Did you invite someone over?"

"No?" She goes to the door and opens it to find Shawn standing there with a little box. "Shawn, hello. What brings you here?"

Shawn steps in at your mom's invitation and he looks around with a soft smile. "The place looks cozy "

"Thank you."

He extends the box in his hands to your mom. "This is a welcoming gift from Nancy and I. We made them last night."

You walk into the living room as your mom takes the top off the box. Inside is a bunch of mini muffins. "You made these?"

"Mmhmm. I wanted to do something special for the two of you to welcome you to Lunacasa. I know it's not much, and I hope they're good."

You smile at Shawn and he gives a warm smile right back. Your mom says she's going to take them to the kitchen and you step forward so she can go around you.

"How are things going?" Shawn asks softly, looking around the house once more. "You've unpacked a lot."

"It's going alright. We have a lot to work through, boxes and stuff. My bed is still against the wall in my room. It'll be another long night on the couch probably."

"Do you need help?"

"Um..." You look around. You want to say no, but you actually would love some help. It's Shawn and you definitely have a crush on him, so you kind of don't want him to help. "I-"

"Honey, I think I left some stuff in the trailer." Your mom says, grabbing her keys off the table in the dining area. "I'll be right back." She gives you a look as she slips out the door, one that you know means she didn't actually forget anything. She's just giving you space with Shawn.

Shawn chuckles and raises his eyebrows. "So? Can I help?"

"Y-yeah. Can you move a bed?"

"Definitely."

Shawn follows you into your bedroom. Your bed is propped up against the far wall with your box spring beside it. The frame is put together already since it's just a quick slide and bolt together set up. You go to one side of the box spring and Shawn goes to the other.  

"Have you lived with wolves before?" Shawn asks as you tip the box spring onto its side and slide it onto the frame. "Or is this your first time?"

"This is my first time living with other wolves. There were some in my neighborhood but they weren't exactly a great crowd."

The two of you flip the mattress onto the box spring and shift it into place. You fall onto it, losing your footing on accident and Shawn sits down beside you as the two of you laugh. "You never answered my question by the way." You say, realizing that the other day when you asked him how he became the one in charge of the community, he didn't actually answer you.

"What's that?"

"How did you come to be in charge of this place?"

"Oh, right." Shawn lays back and his head is touching yours. "My dad founded this place as a safe haven for wolves when I was a kid. He got sick a few years back when I was eighteen. He didn't seem to get any better, he said he was, but I could tell. He taught me everything I needed to know. How to be kind and compassionate, and how to be the support people needed. He taught me, this isn't just a pack, it's a community. He was gone a few weeks later."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, it's been a while now." Shawn looks over at you as you look at him. "Sorry I kind of dumped that on you. I didn't mean to put that kind of weight on your shoulders"

"No, I asked."

Shawn reaches up and runs his fingers over your ear causing you to shiver. "Do you mind if touch them?"

"Not really. Just be careful."

He sits up and you go to sit up too but he stops you, a hand on your shoulder. He moves around behind you on the mattress and sits so you can put your head in his lap. It's intimate, so much so that you're not sure what to do besides stare up at the man before you. Things are happening fast and you aren't sure how to feel. You're not uncomfortable, but you don't think you should be as comfortable as you are.

"Is this okay?"

"Y-yeah. Should we be doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"My head is in your lap. You're petting my ears. We've only just met a few days ago. I shouldn't be so comfortable with you should I?"

Shawn chuckles softly. "I can definitely tell you haven't been around wolves. This is normal for wolves who have an attraction to each other. For humans it might seem a little fast, but with wolves, the sooner we can be physically affectionate the better."

"Is that why you feel so familiar, like I've known you forever?"

"Mmmhmm." He runs his hand over your left ear. 

“I wonder if this is what my mom means when she tells me about how her and my dad fell in love at first sight.”

Shawn stops touching your ears and takes a deep breath. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure?"

"Since I saw you I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you against my chest and fall asleep with you in my arms. Sleeping with someone, being close and vulnerable is my biggest weakness." He's flushed, as if embarrassed to admit this. "I haven't felt this way for someone before, and I just don’t want it to stop.

"What if you don't really like me?"

"What?"

"I mean, what if we get to know each other and we aren't compatible. What if this is just a honeymoon phase?"

He grins and shakes his head. "Wolves don't have that. When we connect with someone, it's not like having a crush and then you find out maybe that person isn't all you thought they were. Wolves are drawn to each other, pulled together by forces unknown. We are connected deeper than surface emotions."

"Like magic? Or fate?"

"Magic, fate, love at first sight, you can call it anything you like." He grabs your hand and brings it up to his to press his palm to yours. His hand is much bigger and it's so warm you can't help but thread your fingers between his. "The bond is unbreakable. We're part of each other's lives now that we've met."

"I think this is definitely what my parents had." You smile, looking up at him. "I've always wanted to-"

"Honey, I'm back, are you-" you look over at your mom standing in the doorway. "Here?"

You sit up, flushed hot head to toe and you scoot away from Shawn. How embarrassing. Shawn stands and offers his hand to help you up. He can tell you're not comfortable with your mom seeing the two of you together.

"I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah."

"Ma'am," he smiles, nodding at your mom as he passes to see himself out.

"Please don't say anything." You mumble, staring at the floor.

You mom is quiet for a second. "I ordered dinner."

"Okay." You turn and busy yourself with a box of clothes. "Thanks Mom."

"No problem honey."

End part one

-------------

I know this is a cheesy and dorky and so cliche soulmate-y au but it was what I wanted to write at the time. I’ll probably post another part soon. 

Please Reblog if you read, enjoyed, or just want to save for later!

Thank you again. You’re all amazing and supportive!! - A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[hbyrne]

is that [ MEGAN FOX ] no, that’s just [ HARLEY BYRNE ]. [ SHE ] is [ THIRTY-THREE ] years old and is a [ BALLROOM DANCE TEACHER AT EN POINTE ]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [ THREE YEARS ]. on a good day, they’re [ CREATIVE & DEPENDABLE ]. but watch out! they can also be [ BLUNT & SELF-DEPRECATING ]. [ BETWEEN TWO LUNGS BY FLORENCE + THE MACHINE ] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! 

@shstarters​

hello beautiful people, i’m julia and its been a while since i last rped so i’m pumped to be here! if you’d like to plot with my babe harley do send me a message, i’ll be reaching out as well asap. now for harley’s intro!

basics

full name: harley elizabeth byrne

date of birth: september 9th, 1986

place of birth: spring hill, nj

occupation: ballroom dance teacher at en pointe

sexual orientation: lesbian

relationship status: widow single

education: design major, dance minor from the university of san francisco

family: billie (5yo daughter), sibling (34+), father (npc), mother (npc)

pets: an orange tabby cat named josephine

personality

zodiac: virgo sun, taurus moon

traits: creative, dependable, nurturing, stubborn, self-deprecating, blunt

likes: coffee, peanut m&m’s, dancing, home renovation tv shows

dislikes: sodas, stuffed crust pizza, horror movies, cooking

hobbies: knitting and running

moodboard: pinterest

then

born and raised in spring hill, harley is the youngest child of the byrne family. she was a good kid growing up, got good grades even though the teachers complained that she talked too much during class;

(TW HOMOPHOBIA) when she was sixteen her mom caught her making out with her best girlfriend and that started a war at the byrne’s home: mom made sure it was known she didn’t approve of it while dad tried to keep the peace;

so it was no surprise when harley decided to move to san francisco for college and never came back. she kept in touch with her sibling and her dad but her mom refused to support her “lifestyle”;

harley graduated from the university of san francisco with a major in design and minor in dance. dancing had always been something harley loved but she never aimed to profit from it, it was a way to express herself. and it was through dance that she met her future wife, alice;

harley used to go to this bar that had jive nights and one night a cute blonde caught her eye. they had actually been at college together but had never met before and they hit it off right away: alice was an architect, she loved the jive, and had the best laugh;

after four years together, harley and alice got married, to the horror of harley’s mom who didn’t even send a gift to the newlyweds. that was the last straw for harley, who stopped trying to get her mom on her side;

alice and harley decided to have a child after two years of marriage. alice had always dreamt of going through pregnancy so when the time came it was obvious who would carry their baby for nine months, and on december 24th, 2014, baby billie was born;

(TW DEATH) harley had never imagined her life would be so complete, she had a wife she adored, a beautiful daughter, a job she loved. so of course that’s when tragedy struck. it was a normal day like any other when alice suffered an aneurysm on her way back from work and harley’s world flipped upside down;

things weren’t easy without alice. harley had two very close friends in san francisco that moved in with her to help but she still struggled to work, cook, clean, look after her daughter, and grieve so after much nagging by her sibling, harley agreed to move back to springhill.

now

it's been 4 years since alice passed away, three years since harley moved back to springhill, and while things have been going well, harley still struggles without her wife. her family has been very supportive though, including her mom for once;

been teaching at en pointe for a year and a half now and she loves it! teaches ballroom at all levels, also does a lot of private lessons for couples who want to learn to dance together;

with billie starting kindergarten soon, harley has been thinking a bit more about her own life and recently went on a date for the first time in 12 years which felt good but also really weird.

possible connections

sibling [34+] - any gender, the person harley gets along the best in her family, they’ve been tight since harley moved away for college, always facetiming and texting each other, billie’s favorite person after harley

ex best friend/crush [33-35] - the girl who used to be harley’s best friend and first love during highschool

the beard [33-35] - the boy harley used to “date” in highschool, very much the “pure of heart dumb of ass + lesbian” dynamic back then

childhood friends [32-36] - highschool friends, maybe harley kept in touch with them through the years, maybe not

parents club [any age] - a group of parents harley met when she moved back to springhill and they began hanging out, sharing their stories of parenthood and being there for each other

running buddy [any age] - harley runs every day so having a running buddy would be cute

dates [25+] - harley is starting to date again so i’d love to have a couple of people she went on/will go on dates with, maybe it was a terrible date or they became good friends, i’m game for anything

hit me with your own ideas too, i love to plot!

[purplesurveys]

1025

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? I don’t read all that often so no, I don’t usually feel as though I’m encountering a book for the second time. I do read a lot of wrestlers’ memoirs and sometimes I’ll come across the same story told from two different accounts, but for the most part I’m able to tell who wrote which.

What has been bothering you a lot lately? This new and major life change still, obviously. I had a beautiful, grand vision of graduating college with a significant other and building our future together and supporting each other in whatever path we take, so having to dismantle all of that against my will and calling it a ‘bother’ is definitely an understatement.

What (or who) have you been missing lately? Everything pre-September. My life has been going downhill ever since. I do try to make life a little better for myself everyday, but I’d be lying to myself if I say life has been the same.

Are you trustworthy? Yes.

Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? They never taught me this specifically, but I can imagine that my mom is more the type to tell me something like this should the need arise.

Have you ever hallucinated? I don’t think so. The closest thing to hallucinating I experienced was when I was 5. I had a high fever and kept having these awful nightmares, and I could barely tell the difference between being in the nightmare and real life. If I remember correctly, I had already woken up after my grandma shook me but I was still in the nightmare ~AU~ and still kept yelling things that were relevant in my nightmare.

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? OMG, closed all the way. It would bother me to no end if the door was open, to the point that I probably wouldn’t even be able to fall asleep.

What flags do you have in your room, if any? I used to have a Pride flag but that’s gone now cos it was too muddy and dirty anyway. 

What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? I can think of more than one, honestly. There’s Gabie, my college life, my college org, and my first job that I’m actually incredibly happy in. Past me just wanted a job that can let me earn on my own, so it’s such a fun bonus to be happy where I am.

What is the worst decision you ever made? Allowing myself to be treated like shit because “this person will change one day, I just have to wait.” Ugh, I really need to start being nicer to myself.

Do you miss college? Yeah but with this COVID thing I’m kinda glad I got out of there just in time. I probably would’ve missed college a lot more if life had remained normal, but with the new norm being online classes and asynchronous learning and never getting to be in campus...I preferably wouldn’t want to take part in these things.

Have you ever called a teacher ���mom”? No.

What is your favorite arcade game? I just go for the basketball ones every time. The piano blocks game is also fun, as well as the arcade beer pong.

Do you feel neglected? Yeah. I don’t really have a choice, though. It’s something I’ve had to adjust to.

What school subject(s) are/were your best? For both high school and college, I got my best grades in history classes and electives. I’m one of the rare species who doesn’t have a problem with – and actually enjoys – memorization, lol. I also did well in English lit and biology.

Are you allergic to grass? I don’t believe I’m allergic but in my old school my legs used to get extremely irritated with the grass we have over there and it would itch like a bitch. It definitely could’ve be an allergy, but I only ever got such a reaction in that place and it’s never happened anywhere else.

Do you remember to water plants? My parents like to take care of that chore, so I don’t have to remember to do so.

What season is your birthday in? Uhhhh according to the Western calendar lol, I think it’s spring? We don’t have that here though, and we don’t follow ‘seasons’ in general except for dry and wet.

Name 3 creative people you know. Nina, Berns, Andi.

Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. I don’t really aspire to be like any of them...I watch certain YouTube channels because I find them entertaining, not because I necessarily want to be them. One video creator I watch whose life seems to be so perfect and whose life I certainly wouldn’t complain about if I suddenly had it, though, is Andi Manzano. Heart Evangelista’s a good pick, too.

What color was your first car? It’s white.

What year did you graduate? I graduated high school in 2016 and college in 2020. < Found a twin.

When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Early September.

Have you ever been scammed? Hmm, I don’t think so.

Are you allergic to pollen? Nope.

What style of wedding dress do you like best? Something lace, backless to an extent, and preferably body-hugging as I don’t like dresses that would appear too poofy on me. Think Kate Middleton’s wedding dress but just slightly less poof on the bottom part.

Are you over your first love? No.

Do you talk on the phone a lot? I used to. I don’t anymore.

Would you rather call or text? Text, but if I had to explain something or if something had to be explained to me, I don’t mind getting into a call as long as I’m briefed first. 

Do you always answer your phone? I never do unless I recognize the number. If it’s an unknown contact, I’m hitting Reject immediately because decent people text first before calling.

When was the last time you went to a party? Late Feb. It was the same party for Hans and his friends’ small business that had hit its first year that I’ve mentioned several times on here, ugh. Haven’t really been to any gatherings since then.

What was the last thing you ate? A chocolate donut from J.Co.

What’s the last book you checked out from the library? It’s a book summarizing the Philippines’ entire history that I wish I had more time to read and appreciate.

Do you have a twitter? Yeah but since the pandemic hit my tweets have been a lot less fun for obvious reasons, so I haven’t been using it a lot.

If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? “the things i do for @Mythical aaaaaahhhhhh 1 AM-9 AM livestream later and I still have work from 9 AM-6 PM tomorrow” then the dizzy emoji copy-pasted six times. SERIOUSLY though, timezones suck and I shake my fist at LA for being 16 hours behind lmaaaao, jk. But Good Mythical Morning has never had an all-day livestream before and they never said anything about archiving it on their channel when it’s over, so I don’t want to miss out. It’s whatevs, I’ll just drink a shitload of coffee tomorrow for work.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? I think it was my mom, but it’s been a while since that call.

What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? I was making a Monte Cristo but it was to cook the egg mixture that I had coated the sandwich in, not cook the sandwich itself.

What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? Green. It was a freebie from the old PR agency I interned at, so it’s a little funny I’m now using it to take notes at my present agency.

Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Gab’s youngest sister.

Who sent the last e-mail you got? It’s from a workmate, and I just got CC’d so it wasn’t addressed directly to me.

What song is currently stuck in your head? For the whole afternoon it had been Look After You by The Fray, so let’s just go with that.

Do you have a favorite shape? No.

What color are the sheets on your bed? Blue with some yellow and gold prints.

What time do you usually go to bed? 10:30 is a safe bedtime.

Do you ever use coloring books? I’ve got loads of them but they have not been colored since early 2019 because I have yet to invest in a good set of coloring pencils.

Are you planning on watching the Olympics? No, it never appealed to me.

Do you pronounce the word “often” with or without a “t” in the middle? I never pronounce it with the t sound.

Have you ever been on a trapeze? Nope.

Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? I was more obsessed with it as a kid and will hoard the bubble wrap I see at home. These days I’d still pop a good size of it, but it’s not like my life anymore.

Are there any waterfalls near where you live? There’s one in the city, but I wouldn’t say it’s near. I have to drive to the upper part of the city to get to the waterfalls which would probably take me around a half hour to do.

Do you like seafood? Oh for sure. My life pretty much runs on seafood.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? I wore a school uniform from kindergarten all the way through to high school.

If so, what did it look like? The blouse was white while the necktie and the skirt were plaid, mostly in red. We also had to wear black leather shoes with white socks.

Do you personally know anyone who is an author? My great-uncle wrote the said library book I checked out. I also had a number of professors who are established authors.

Do you own a Polaroid camera? Nah but I’ve always wanted one. Maybe now’s my chance to finally get my own.

Do you enjoy baking? It looks fun and is definitely something I’d want to try my hand on.

What’s your favorite type of flower? Peonies. < Agreed.

Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? I was headed back to Manila and unbeknownst to us at the time, that arrival would be known for the biggest family argument we have had thus far. I don’t want to go back to that place in my head again, so let’s just move on.

Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Mhm, like Aya.

What is something you think is underrated? Macarons do not get enough love for sure. It’s god-tier dessert.

Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? As soon as it hits 30ºC, I’m complaining.

In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? Thanks to Gabie and the irreparable mess she has since caused, I’m too scared to think of the future now. I never want to predict or hope for things anymore, and I’d rather wing shit from now on and not expect certain things to happen.

How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? I live right on the border of two regions so I literally went out of my home city/region every day whenever I had to report to school. I will be doing the same once where allowed to report in the workplace.

What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Reading.

What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? I’ve only had one but it’s been a blast so far and I don’t plan on shifting paths because this is where I’ve always planned to be in. That said, I love my job in PR and working with different clients.

What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Sour cream!

Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? My parents take turns washing it by hand.

Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? Jeju, South Korea.

Farthest south? Bali, Indonesia.

East? Idk...Fukuoka in Japan or some province in the Philippines? I’m not too sure which is east-er, lmao.

West? Malaysia. Would’ve been Thailand if we actually got to go there this year -__- but whatever.

How often do you run the dishwasher? We don’t have one.

Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Eh, either is fine but I do it at the sink a little more often.

Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. I cannot for the life of me relate to makeup or skincare routines. I also never understood the appeal of Instagram and posing for photos in public and painstakingly editing them for likes.

Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. ^ I think those still fit here, since people my age are into both.

Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? We have masquerade masks on our living room table and I don’t understand why my mom, queen of throwing things out, is not throwing them out. It’s such a random...addition and they don’t go with the vibe of the house at all. But they’ve been hanging out there for so long that my family doesn’t even notice anymore, and much less do they say anything about them.

Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? We have a coffee maker, which is a bit of a unnecessary/luxury purchase where I live; I dunno if it’s the same for other countries. My dad’s a chef so he knows all the tips and hacks to be resourceful in the kitchen, and so he’s never felt the need to buy any other fancy shmancy kitchen stuff like air fryers or waffle irons or sandwich presses.

What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? They both took up hotel and restaurant management, just in different universities.

Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? HAHAHAHA, not at all. People are often surprised when I tell them about what my parents do for living which is understandable, given that journalism and PR are such far cries from the hospitality industry as a whole.

What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? Trig and calc.

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? ...I’m still learning...

How old were you when you learned how to swim? Around 4 or 5. My parents liked taking us to this water park every weekend when my siblings and I were a lot younger, so I learned how to handle myself in the water from all those trips.

How do you react when someone is rude to you? If it’s someone I know and am close with, I just tell them directly that they’re having a bit of an attitude with me. If it’s anyone else, my reaction depends on my mood: if I’m feeling nice I just simply counter the rudeness with kindness, but sometimes I’ll be just as big of a bitch, just subtle.

Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? Yes, back in middle school. I feel bad now, because I kind of just ditched her, but at the time I felt like it was my only option. < I remember being like this with someone Gab and I tried to be friends with back in Grade 7. Sofie was also a little clingy, but in a way that I never minded it because I actually enjoyed her company.

What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Typhoons, definitely.

Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? The dry season, because I hate the sun.

Do you have a Netflix account? We have a family bundle and I have my own account on that. But yeah, I don’t pay for it.

Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? We don’t have an attic but there was one time a stray cat got into the house and it took forever to get it back out, lol. It was feisty so we couldn’t just pick it up. The cat also ended up scratching some of our curtains.

Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? Anywhere new, man. My only traveling rule is to not repeat destinations, at least not within 5-7 years. I’m open to exploring any town or city or country I’ve never been to.

How long does it take to get there? -

When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? It was a new chapter last August when I graduated college, but I had to very hurriedly turn the page into a new chapter when I got my internship - that would eventually lead to my first job - and went through a breakup last September.

What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I rarely go inside my sister’s room, just because there’s never really any reason to be there unless I’m borrowing something from her.

What is the last random act of kindness you did? Gave a small tip to the nice man who helped me get out of my parking spot when I went to the bank yesterday. Loiterers are common in public areas and they’ll usually help out people exiting from their parking, so I usually give whatever I can to help them get by. 

Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? My bedroom light is never turned on, but I don’t really do it specifically to reduce my electricity usage. I just don’t like my personal space to be too bright, and it’s just a nice bonus to be able to save on electricity while doing so.

Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Typically, yes, although I do have certain foods that I have no interest in trying. < Yep. I’m open to absolutely anything but if a meal has something I already don’t like, like fruits or raisins, then I shy away from those.

Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? Not as often as I used to, but I definitely still have soft spots for A Fever, Pretty. Odd., and Vices & Virtues. As for the newer music, I don’t tune in to the albums themselves and listen to the entire tracklists but I wouldn’t skip a P!ATD single if it came on the radio.

Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? I probably have but they’ve all been forgettable.

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? Not really. I’ll listen to Hayley here and there, but that’s it.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? Yes. This has been the case with my mom for around 6-7 years now. I guess there was just one point in our relationship where she got too mad, I got too traumatized, and it has since kept me from saying it back.

If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? Yeah, especially if I shared something deeply personal and important to me, like a life achievement. Of all social media, people are always most likely to react on Facebook (relatives in particular would like or heart anything I post lmao) so a post that would go completely ignored would be confusing but would also sting.

Which friend do you confide in most? Used to be Gabie but now it’s either Anj or Andi.

Do you wear a cross? No.

What is your opinion on Arby’s? THIS IS SUCH A LONG SURVEY, AAAHHHHHHHH. Anyway, never had it. I have heard Arby’s is one of the rather mid-tier restaurants in the US, like it’s not trash but it’s no In-N-Out...I’d still love to try it though. Aren’t they known for like roast beef sandwiches or something? Those sound delightful.

When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? I just want it to be idiot-proof because I can get pretty dumb in the kitchen.

What is your favorite doughnut? Chocolate glazed with sprinkles. Will always be a kid at heart when it comes to donuts.

Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? We don’t have one.

Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? I jumped on the bandwagon once the first movie came out, which was still pretty early on in the whole Twilight craze tbh. I started in 2009 when I was able to read all the books and watch New Moon in the cinema, then I proceeded to catch the midnight screenings for all the movies that came after that.

What is your favorite party game? Pinoy Henyo is a big favorite. It’s basically a Filipino version of Heads-Up, just ever so slightly better and more chaotic, which makes it funnier.

Do you or your parents rake your yard? My mom sweeps, not rakes.

Were you pro-Obama? I think ‘pro’ is too strong a stance. I like remaining neutral and cautious when it comes to US presidents especially considering the US’ history of imperialism in and overall relationship with my country but like, I don’t hate Obama. My vote, if I ever was eligible, would still go to him, but of course it’s best to remain wary and critical of his moves.

What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? I don’t really have one. I don’t do much shopping there. < Same.

What was the last illegal thing you did? Probably speeding. My lunch break ends at 1 PM but I was still at the bank by like 12:50 yesterday, so I had to drive like a maniac to get home on time lmao.

Who did you last go to the movies with? Gabie.

What color was the last vehicle you were in? White.

Do you have any family members in the military right now? As far as I know, no.

Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Nope, no ceiling fans in the house in general.

When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Today. I love my work, but it can get tiring too and I also find myself occasionally wishing the day was over already.

Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? Nopes. But I do remember when owls were a popular hipster design and everyone had like owl necklaces and shit. What a time.

Have you ever heard voices? Like other voices in my head? No.

Do you believe in angels and demons? Nope.

Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? It wasn’t my neighbors per se but the helpers of my neighbors used to play cheesy 80s and 90s hits obnoxiously loud every morning and it woke me up every time and I didn’t really have a choice but wait for their stupid listening session to end. I’m so glad they since stopped, but it was my own little piece of hell back then.

Did your Barbies go on dates? [continued from last night] I didn’t do much with my Barbies, honestly. I was mostly curious about their production and liked taking off their clothes to see how the toy company dealt with their private areas lmao. I think my sister and I also drew and doodled on a bunch of our dolls.

If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? I didn’t really do any coming out. One day I just acknowledged my attraction towards Gabie with myself, and when I started dating her I just let everyone figure it out for themselves. I’ve never felt like I had an orientation anyway, so I never felt the need to come out.

Where did you meet your first crush? School, back in kindergarten. But we didn’t formally meet until the end of grade school.

Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? Not at all. I remember the people who introduced us, but not our first meeting itself.

Do you ever go places with wet hair? On some days back in college, when there was no traffic going to school I would end up arriving with my hair still kind of wet. This is also the case with Sunday mass (when we could still attend), since we usually headed out as soon as we had taken a shower.

Who is your favorite little girl? I’m a sucker for my friends’ little sisters, like Gabie’s and Athenna’s. I also never got to have a lot of female cousins, so I cherish the few ones I have - Maggie, Bree, and Sam - who are all considerably younger than me.

What do you want the most in life? Contentment. Wherever place I ultimately end up in, I hope to find satisfaction and contentment in it.

What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? Choosing to say ‘fuck it, what do I have to lose’ and send a letter of interest for my present company, who didn’t even have any job openings at the time I sent it out. If I shied away from the lack of openings and never sent out that letter, I never would have been offered an internship, and without taking that internship I never would have been offered a job after a couple of months. So I have to say that’s a pretty fucking solid move of mine.

Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Sigh. I avoid this exact thought all the time because of how sad it’s able to make me.

When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? Yup, it’s just habit.

If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? I’d pick Billie Eilish’s insane ability to hold very soft/quiet notes (ugh, she’s grown on me), Hayley Williams’ range, and Beyoncé’s stamina.

What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Synth pop, indie rock, R&B.

Where did you buy your dishes from? My mom bought our newest set from...probably a department store. Idk, I wasn’t there with her when she got it a few weeks ago.

Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? There’ll be advancements in this lifetime for sure, but we’ve got a long way to go before colonization is even remotely feasible.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? Maybe all the shit I bought Gabie throughout the six years, most of them I had to skip meals for? Lmao just kidding, I’m not that kind of ex. I got her a lot of useful stuff, like a Hydroflask, and I mean I don’t completely regret buying them. As long as she still uses them and as long as those things still help in making life easier for her, then the purchases are still worth it.

What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? My cross stitch kit that I thought I was never going to learn. I am now realizing how fun it is and will probably buy a shit ton of kits for myself once Christmas season is over.

Have you ever been on a ship? Yes. My dad gave me a cruise trip for my 18th birthday, and it ended up being really fun :)

Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? Yeah, I go on detoxes 1-2 times a year where I deactivate all my accounts and am only reachable through text. It usually happens every Christmas season, but sometimes I’ll go through a particularly low point where I’d feel the need to go on a social media break.

Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? I don’t listen to Van Halen.

Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Any character from BoJack Horseman. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? I wasn’t required to take foreign language electives in college like other courses, so I really wish I got to take them :( I can’t imagine how fun it would’ve been to go to class for the sole purpose of learning Spanish or Korean or Italian. Also, even though I took like 5-6 history electives, I still wish I had the chance to take all the other history offerings.

Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? I have been in the general vicinity of both – my mom works in a hotel and we’ve booked rooms there several times, while my cruise took place in the liner my dad works in. But I’ve only ever been to my dad’s workplace, when he took some time out of his day to show me his kitchen and let me have some of the escargot before they went out to guests :)

What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? I quickly looked it up and I don’t disagree with its thesis.

Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? I used to be like this with Gab, but with me...hmm, my mom liked biting us as kids, and sometimes she’d go pretty hard, yeah. It was never out of anger, of course.

Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) Yes.

Ever gave one? Anddddd yes.

Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? Shy if a situation is overall unfamiliar, but I can be outgoing once I start to warm up.

Do you think it’s weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Nope.

Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? Having been unceremoniously dumped, I’m self-conscious about a million things rn. It’ll take a while for things to be back on track again, self-esteem-wise.

Are you flirty at all? No.

Are you racist at all? I don’t particularly like the Chinese because of the way they treat Filipinos and how most of them behave in my country, like that one asshat who was caught shitting in a local tourist spot here. It gets too tiring to keep on forgiving them at some point.

Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) I don’t see a reason why I wouldn’t.

If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? If they were distressed, I’d take them to the nearest security guard and ask for help in looking for their parents. I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with a kid who was otherwise bubbly and doing okay by themselves because I might just look like a kidnapper if I went near them lol.

Would you rather adopt or have your own child? Have my own.

What would you class as cheating on someone? If you’re doing something that requires you to be too close with another person to the point that you have to acknowledge that your partner is not aware of what you’re up to/they don’t have to know what you’re up to. Once that acknowledgment is out of the bag, it’s cheating for me.

Do you try to be politically correct? Yeah.

What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? Dolphins.

Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? I don’t think so.

As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Hoops for days.

Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? I think it’s vital to have PE in an education system that requires students to be mostly on their butts. A lot of people hate getting physical and active, and that’s exactly the reason why PE should be around.

Do you recycle? I try to, whenever I can.

Are you interested in current world issues? Yep yep, very.

Do you think you are mature, or immature? I can definitely be petty at times, but I think I mostly act maturely and that those who know me can back me up on it.

What kind of career are you interested in? Public relations, which is under the umbrella of media and communications. I like not being tied to one product, and it’s always awesome to see campaigns that I help with for various big brands come to life.

Do you own a pair of sunglasses? Nah. I was never into them.

Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? I use a hair tie on a daily basis and bobby pins for formal events where I need my hair to be pristinely neat. I nevr use hair clips.

How badly do you get acne? (If at all) Oh god. I got two pimples in between my eyes right now, and it’s the first time I’ve gotten acne since...a year and a half, maybe? My acne isn’t bad at all and it’s never been an issue, so I always panic on the extremely rare occasions I see one or two pop up on my face.

What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? I should be the one asking that! Tips are always welcome, you guys.

If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? I probably came off as aloof, which is a fairly common observation.

How many text messages do you have in your inbox at the moment? I don’t delete messages and my phone doesn’t provide me with the total, so suffice it to say there are probably thousands of texts currently in my phone.

When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? I’m still deciding if I want to keep Gabie around. She honestly doesn’t deserve it, but she’s also my best friend in the world, so idk.

In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Chemistry, trigonometry, calculus. Physics was hard in high school but became easier in college, and I believe it boils down to the teachers who taught them.

Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? Yes.

Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I haven’t done that in a while.

Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? I think it was one of my cousins, Maggie. I don’t remember. But it was probably her.

Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? Maybe Andi? I haven’t had anyone ask me that for a while now.

What does your handwriting look like? I’m the go-to person whenever neat handwriting is needed on a document or something, so I guess that must mean my handwriting is decent. The biggest comment that I get, though, is that my letters are too tiny hahaha.

Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? Sometimes I’ll use hair gel for important events because I have the most annoying baby hairs, but otherwise those two are pretty much all I use.

Who were your best friends in primary school? Angela, Pia, Tammy, Marielle, Pam, Gaille, Nina.

Do you still speak to any of them? I only ever actively speak with Angela; she’s still my best friend. Pia and I are mutuals on social media and we’ll sometimes keep the other up to speed with the latest gossip lolol, but I wouldn’t call her my best friend. I lost contact with Tammy, Nina, and Pam after high school, and Gaille when she migrated. I cut Marielle out of my life after she did something shitty that broke my trust.

What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? A bottle of water, I think.

What color hair did your first crush have? Black.

What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Sneakersssssss.

Are you more masculine or feminine? More feminine, definitely.

If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? I don’t know how to...design things on my own lol, but I’d love a Friends-themed mug, or maybe even a GMM-themed one :)

What is the best beach you’ve been to? Palawan felt almost unreal with how breathtaking it was. I really felt at peace there.

What is one thing you physically can’t do? Lift a water container.

Have you ever been to a funeral? Not a funeral, but I’ve been to several wakes.

Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? I don’t think we have those.

Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? Again, we don’t have those.

Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? My mom, in what really shouldn’t come as a shock, has always liked for us to be in the front row. I’m SO glad we don’t have to physically attend mass anymore; I always felt like I was being burned alive whenever I entered a church lol

What is your favorite park? I wish I had an answer for this but we don’t have any public parks because Philippines.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? Yeah, it happens prrrrretty often, at least once every few months. There was one just last week.

Do you chew gum regularly? Nah but this did made me think of JM, who always had a pack of gum with him without fail everyday.

Where did you go on your first train ride? It was headed to Manila, but my destination was Pasay.

Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? It’s possible. I went to high school with people who were half-German and half-Swiss, and I’m guessing they held dual citizenships.

What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) I don’t really root for any other than my college’s team.

Do you dunk your cookies in milk? If there’s milk around, sure. 

What is something you are confident about? I don’t know. I haven’t felt that at all lately.

Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? Nope.

How do you feel about needles? Can’t do shots, blood tests, and IV without freaking out and/or feeling faint. But I can handle sewing needles apparently, judging from how I was able to do cross-stitching last week. As for tattoos, still unsure if I can handle getting one even though I already have a couple of designs in mind.

What is your favorite accent to listen to? That British accent that sounds super posh lol, the one Florence Pugh and Hugh Grant have. Idk what it’s called.

What was the reason you last got dressed up? Job interview.

Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? I was the subject of a rumor once, but I didn’t and don’t find it cruel. It was a typical middle school rumor.

^ What were they? That I was dating my friend Andi and was bisexual. The one with Andi I can kind of understand, since I did have a bit of a crush on her then; I just didn’t know I was bad at hiding it. But for people to go as far as telling others I was bisexual was a little surprising.

Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? Form-fitting. I never liked loose clothing on me.

^ What about on your preferred gender? I don’t have a preferred gender, and I think it really depends per person.

What do you do when you are really, really mad? I isolate myself so that I don’t have to explode on anyone.

Would you rather go naked than wear fur? Is it real fur? I’d go naked.

Do you put a line through your 7’s? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

^ What about your Z’s? ^ Same answer. I like keeping things different, hahaha.

What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? Break my self-esteem. Constructive criticism is fine, of course, but it’ll be very hard to forgive people who make it their lives to point out my flaws or carelessly hurl hurtful words/insults at me, aka my mom. I’ve never forgiven her about it and it’s the main reason why I’ve since been unable to say “I love you” back whenever she says it.

Are you able to forgive and forget? No. That’s not my preferred route; I’ve always been the grudge-y kind of person.

Do you like cold pizza? Yesssssss. I don’t have a preference between hot or cold, but I have never complained about cold pizza for sure. I ate a slice of pizza right out of the fridge just yesterday.

What is your favorite fruit? Eh.

What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? I don’t really have one. I guess orange, as long as it’s not too sour - so basically not pure orange juice lol.

Do you like broccoli and cheese? Haven’t tried it but the pairing sounds *chef’s kiss*

What about potatoes and cheese? Yum.

Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? Not lately, but I plan to.

Toaster or toaster oven? Toaster oven, since we’ve actually had that. We’ve never needed a toaster.

What are you most known for? It depends on who you’re talking to, I’d say. I think different people know me by different things.

Do you have any reputations? What are they? I’m never comfortable claiming things like this, because there’s always the possibility that who I think I am to other people might be far from the truth. Overall, I just try to be myself and still remain nice to everyone while doing so so that I don’t develop a strong reputation for anything.

Do you wear band shirts? Not really.

^ What band was on the last one you wore? I don’t wear them.

Do you own any hats? Describe them. I have a white sunhat that I never got to wear because I’ve always found it too big and flashy and I never wanna draw attention to myself when outside, which it definitely would’ve done for me.

What about masks, you got any? Describe those. I just wear the basic blue surgical face masks.

What was the last thing to leave you speechless? Hearing the amount of money GMM raised for their livestream earlier today, and basically seeing just how insanely successful the livestream in general was.

Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? My parents never got to know my college friends so they don’t have an opinion on them; they’re still pretty attached to my group in high school hahaha so like Gab, Angela, Athenna, Chelsea, etc, who they all still love and occasionally ask about.

Have you been called a bad influence? Idk, maybe, out of earshot.

Describe your favorite pair of socks. I don’t have any.

Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? First real job and the breakup of a long-term relationship that I had initially finally stopped having doubts about.

Have any self-done piercings? OMG I can finally see the end of this survey holy shit. It took me two damn days, ughhhhhh. Anyway, hell no. I’d injure myself so badly.

Ever pierced someone else? Most definitely not.

Do you get distracted easily? It depends on how much I actually care about whatever it is I’m doing. < Agree. My focus is unpredictable.

Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? Stressful. No matter how pleasant they or the conversation turns out to be, I’m always more stressed than anything else and I let out a sigh of relief as soon as it’s over.

How do you feel about getting new neighbors? It’d be super refreshing, considering the houses on our left and right were literally just built, but never actually inhabited.

How many ceiling fans are in your home? We don’t have any. Do you tweet your life away? Not anymore. I used to tweet my entire life back in high school, but when I realized literally none of my classmates were the same and that I looked so lonely doing it, I made an effort to lessen the tweets and eventually the new habit caught on.

How do you feel about shameless self promoting? I don’t think much of it.

When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? Haha, yeah.

What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? Not always. Soooo many people like typing in all caps anyway, so this has been more normalized to me lately.

[tyrusvibes]

you’ve got a friend in me.

Chapter 1

Summary:  When they were young, they used to be pen pals. But then one day, they lost the contact due to Theo moving away with his family. into 5 years later, Cyrus meets TJ through Amber Kippen. They become friends but slowly realize that they know each other before.

Word Count:  2864

Read on Ao3

“Hello, honey. Are you ready to go back to school tomorrow?” Cyrus’ mom Leslie Goodman said, watching her son playing with small figures of dinosaurs.

“Yes, mama!” He exclaimed. He was only 9 years old in 4th grade. His summer break ended today. Tomorrow was the first day of school. He attended Jefferson Elementary School.

“Alright, sweetie. I’m glad you’re excited. You miss anyone from school?” His mom asked. Cyrus suddenly frowned in response. Cyrus had shown many times that he was an introvert. At least, that's the word a lot of people used. To her, he was just reserved. Even though he was only nine years old, he already knew the kinds of people he didn't have time for. Unfortunately, they all seemed to be the kids his age, the kids he should be going on playdates with. Because of this premature detachment, Cyrus didn't have many friends. But she always encouraged him to try, no matter what.

“Mama, I don’t have anyone who’s like me. I know I’m different from everyone else. No one wants to play dinosaurs with me,” Cyrus said, continuing to play with dinosaurs. His mom bent down to the floor, spreading her legs across the carpet. She picked one of those dinosaurs up and played along with him.

“I do want to play with you,” His mom pulled his chin up and looked at him. “Also, look at me. You’re no different. You’ll always be my smart boy. Don’t forget that your dad and I always love you very much.” Cyrus looked at his mom with a sincere smile and nodded in response. He abandoned his dinosaurs and went to give her a hug.

“I love you, too, Mama.”

“Alright, sweetie. It’s time to go to bed, right?” His mom got up and Cyrus followed. They started to put his toys away in a basket. After that, she picked Cyrus up and with the small boy in her arms, they made their way down the hallway’ bedroom.

“Alright, before you go to sleep, you need to brush your teeth.” She said as she placed the boy down. She knew that Cyrus was always good at taking care of himself. He was always smart enough for that.  After 5 minutes in the bathroom, Cyrus went back to his bedroom.

“Okay, now, I’m in bed. Can you tuck me in and tell me a story?” He said as he grabbed one of his stuffed toys, which is a dinosaur. He named it Danny because it can be Danny the Dino. Danny is one of his best friends in the whole wide world, other than his mom.

“Of course, what story do you want me to tell you?”

“Well, mama. Before the stories, I have a question.”

“What is it?”

“You think I’ll find good friends someday?”

“Yes, sweetie. I would never doubt that.”

“Okay.”

She saw him drifting off into a sleep. She didn’t have a chance to tell him some bed stories so she let him be. She always wished for him to be happy with himself because that’s what her young son deserved.

——-

The next day, the school officially resumed again. Cyrus was looking forward to this. This time, he decided to make friends.

With a good start, he dressed up in a green vest with a shirt being tucked inside and pants. He even added a bowtie to it. He gelled his hair down. He’s even prepared with his organized backpack. After getting ready, he came downstairs to find his parents in the kitchen. His mom was cooking breakfast which consists of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. His dad was just sitting, reading the newspaper as usual while drinking his black coffee.

His dad, Henry Goodman, noticed him coming in. He pulled the chair out next to him for him. Cyrus put his backpack down on the floor. He sat into his own chair and had his mom setting his plate on the table.

“Good morning, son! You look so handsome,” Henry exclaimed in awe of his son’s looks.

“Thank you, dad!”

“I agree with him,” Leslie chuckled as she turned off the stove and set the food down on the table. She pulled her own chair out and sat on it.

“Thanks, mama! Guess what I’ll be doing today?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I’ve decided that I will make new friends today!”

“Oh, honey! We’re so proud of you. I’m excited for you.”

Cyrus smiled at his parents. By then, they casually ate their breakfast. It’s one of the best parts of his days. He loved spending time with his parents because he knew how loved he was by both of them.

When he finished his breakfast, he got up and withdrew himself from the table. He set his plate down in the sink. Then, he went to pick his backpack up and went to give his parents a goodbye kiss. With that, he exited out of his house with his mom. They walked to the bus stop. They waited for the bus to come.

“Sweetie, I’m excited for you. I wish you nothing but a good day today,” She smiled, planting a kiss on his forehead. Cyrus nodded in response. The bus is coming forward to the bus stop. He can see the bus being already filled with kids. When it came to a stop, the driver opened the door to welcome Cyrus in.

“Hello, there!” The driver greeted with a kind smile. Leslie bidded her son a farewell. Cyrus finally climbed into the bus, seeing that most seats were already taken. But this girl with a pink headband waved at him and Cyrus had to look back behind him to make sure that there’s no one behind him. He smiled at her gesture and then walked toward her. He took a seat right next to her.

“Hi! I’m Andi Mack!” She exclaimed.

“I’m Cyrus Goodman. I like your headband, by the way.”

“Thank you, I made it!”

“No problem. You’re very nice to me.”

“Yeah! We’re in the same homeroom class since kindergarten and I thought you seem nice!”

In response, Cyrus smiled. Andi had no idea how she made his whole day. Into the first day, Cyrus finally made a friend without trying. It made him feel good that he didn’t have to feel outcast this time.

“Ok! So are we friends now?” Cyrus wanted to be reassured because he doesn’t want to be misunderstood. Andi giggled, nodding her head.

“Duh! We are, now. There’s no going back though. You’ll be stuck with me.” She happily reeled him into a long conversation. As Cyrus learned that Andi felt like an outcast as well, he’s glad to know that he wasn’t alone. Despite the long conversation, it turned out that they have so many things in common.

With the conversation coming to an end, they finally arrived to their school. The bus came to the front of the school, making the stop. The kids including Cyrus and Andi exited out of the bus.

“Let’s go to our homeroom class,” Andi dragged him along as she walked to their classroom. Cyrus didn’t mind her at all because he’s filled with happiness. He hoped that this happiness would last longer. They walked through the hallway to find their class. When they found the class, they came in together. Their teacher, Ms. Green, greeted them with a welcoming smile. Ms. Green was Cyrus’ favorite teacher in the world.

“Hello, Cyrus! How was your summer break?” Ms. Green asked as she welcomed the students in. Cyrus told her that it was good. Andi already grabbed a seat next to the girl with a curly hair so he ended his brief conversation with his teacher. He walked quickly to get his seat before anyone took it. He noticed the girl with a curly hair staring at him. He knew that this girl was named Buffy Driscoll.  

Buffy Driscoll was well-known for being a competitive and tough girl. Everyone was afraid of competing against her. With this fact, Cyrus knew that she doesn’t have many friends because of this. He decided to become friends with her because he thought that Buffy deserved a friend.

“Hi, Buffy,” Cyrus hesitated to start a conversation because Buffy seemed uninterested. “I’m Cyrus Goodman. I like your hair.” His compliment made Buffy break out into a smile that no one had seen before.

“Cyrus! You made her smile!” Andi gasped in surprise. “By the way, I’m Andi Mack. Your hair is really beautiful. I’m totally jealous!” Before all three knew, their friendship finally started.

“Hi. Thank you, Cyrus and Andi. You guys are nice. I like you guys already,” Buffy chuckled, gesturing a fist bump with both of them. They even returned in a fist bump as well. Little did they know, they’d be friends for quite a long time.

Cyrus thought that today was definitely the best day ever. He made two friends so far. He hoped that Andi and Buffy would stick with him for a long time because he can see how he’d be willing to stay around with them. Buffy and Andi already accepted Cyrus for who he is and Cyrus felt happier than ever.

After the conversations between them, Ms. Green finally started the class session. At the beginning, she hoped that everyone had a good summer break. As usual, half of the kids in class shouted and commented about what they did over the summer break.

“Kids! That’s great to hear. Now, let’s be quiet. Please,” Ms. Green said in a strict voice. As the kids calmed down, she went on. “So, I have exciting things for you guys because I think you guys will love this. I’ll be planning to start a pen pal program for all of you.”

Some kids were puzzled about the pen pal program.

With the reassurance, Ms. Green started to explain, “Okay, so the pen pal program is about people writing letters to each other. At first, you guys would be strangers to each other but you’ll get to know each other. You guys would write to someone from another school. And I think this will be fun because either way, you guys will make friends with someone out there.”

The kids were intrigued by this idea. Cyrus was even interested because it would be nice for him to make another friend.

“So, you guys like this idea?” Ms. Green looked at her students who clapped and nodded in response.

“Alright! Perfect. Tomorrow, we’ll be starting this thing,” Ms. Green said.

After that, Cyrus turned around to see his friends talking. He asked them about what they think of this pen pal program.

“I think this is cool!” Buffy replied, shrugging her shoulders. Andi nodded in agreement. They were looking forward to making new friends from another school.

Cyrus’ day went faster than he had expected. He spent most of his day with his new friends.

————

Into the second day of school, Cyrus was so enthusiastic because now, he doesn’t have to feel lonely at school this year.

Leslie Goodman noticed his excitement. It’s about time to see Cyrus being genuinely happy.

“Hey sweetie, what excites you?”

“Did you remember that I said I’d make friends?” Cyrus told her as she nodded. He went on, “I did. Their names are Andi Mack and Buffy Driscoll. I love them already. You’ll meet them soon! And oh, my teacher will be doing a pen pal program today. I will get another new friend!”

As he rambled on, Leslie didn’t mind a bit because she knew how this meant a lot to Cyrus.

“That’s good. You deserve this. Honey, did you hear everything he said?” She asked her husband, who’s even listening as he read the newspaper. Henry told him that he’s proud of Cyrus. Out of usual, Cyrus gave some hugs to his parents.

“Thank you, mama and dad! I have to go now because I can’t miss my bus!” He said, as he finished his breakfast and went running out with his backpack. He heard their farewell.

———

“Alright, kids! I hope all of you are having a good day so far. Let’s start this pen pal program.” Ms. Green announced.

Cyrus and his friends were filled with curiosity and excitement. Each of them received a name.

Cyrus got his pen pal’s name.

Theodore K.

He thought that Theodore was just a cool name.

By then, he started to write his first letter to him.

“Dear Theodore,

My name is CG. Because I thought it’s cool to say it. Or, you can call me Cy. I’m 9 years old. I’m in 4th grade I love dinosaurs and science. What about you? What do you love?

I know this is short though.

-CG”

After finishing his first letter, he gave it to his teacher. She seemed satisfied with his letter and then, she put it along with other letters in a box.

Everyone finished their letters to their pen pals. Ms. Green further explained how it works for the pen pal program.

“Now, I’ll be sending them to my friend from another school. Her students won’t know that they’d be doing pen pal program but they’ll know it as we send them our letters first. It’d be fun!” Ms. Green said as she sealed the box. Cyrus and others were looking forward to getting their letters soon by then.

——-

As the first week of school flew by, Cyrus finally got his letter from his pen pal, Theodore K.

“Hi CG,

I’m Theo. I like that name, CG. It’s cool! I’m 10 years old and I’m in 4th grade too! I like learning about history. I love basketball and comics. They are very cool. I have an older sister named Amber. She’s sometimes nice to me. Do you have siblings?

-Theo”

As he read the letter, he already liked Theo. Theo even thought that CG is cool. He went on to write another letter to him.

“ Dear Theo,

I like Theo. It’s a very nice name. I do not have any siblings, I’m an only child. It’s sometimes lonely but it’s okay! I have two wonderful friends. Well, three now. Since we’re friends now. Wait I hope we are. Anyways, did you know about the pen pal program? I love the idea of meeting someone and becoming friends with them.

What school do you go to? I go to Jefferson Elementary School.

-CG”

———

“Hi CG,

Thanks! Yes, we are friends now. I also have two friends! But you’re already better than them. You’re very nice to me. I didn’t know about it until I got your letter. My teacher told me about it. I think it’s cool.

I go to McKinley Elementary School. Your school is like an hour away from me.

Do you have a pet? I have a pet dog. His name is Bruno. He’s kinda like a bulldog. I love him very much.

-Theo”

———-

8 months later, they still sent letters to each other. They’ve grown close to each other. They know everything about each other. Theo still called him CG and Cyrus still called him Theo. Theo was there for him when Cyrus found out that his parents got divorced. He was even there when he got two new parents. Andi and Buffy were still there for Cyrus as well.

But one day, Cyrus sent a letter.

“ Dear Theo,

I wanted to say that you’re my best friend in the world. I hope we will meet one day. I know your parents are too busy but maybe, my parents would take me to meet you. They told me that they’d like to meet you. They like you!

I hope all is okay with your parents.

Love you, bff!

-CG”

After his letter being sent, he never received the letter from him. He was concerned. He went to find out why. He asked his teacher about it. Ms. Green told him the news about Theo. That news broke Cyrus because Theo was the only guy best friend ever he had ever had.  

“I’m sorry. She told me that Theo moved away with his family. I don’t know where he went.”

The people he had left was his parents and friends. Buffy and Andi comforted him through this. Ever since, they were inseparable.

“I’m sorry, Cyrus. But you still have us. We love you.” Andi told him. Buffy agreed. They were pulled each other into a long hug.

———

After knowing what happened with Theo, he went back to home being devastated. His parents knew what happened.

In his bedroom, he spent sitting on the floor and staring at Theo’s letters spreading across the floor. His tears started to stream down his face. He already missed Theo.

While crying, he grabbed the empty shoebox and collected his letters to put them in a box. Just for the keepsake. He never wanted to forget Theo. Because Theo was the only person that made Cyrus feel happy.

Putting the box away in his closet, he went on the bed. He couldn’t stop crying until he got tired. He finally drifted off into a sleep with the last thought of his friend Theo.

--------

dedication: @swingsetboys , @muffyst , @quietmarvel , @bezlque and the rest of you guys. 

thank you @/yellowtyrus (twitter), @swingsetboys & @muffyst for helping me with editing this fic. 

taglist: @theobligatedklutz

[lovenotereminders]

To everyone struggling with their identity and/or belonging

It’s gonna be okay, eventually. People who respect your choices, your feelings, identity, you, will come into your life. Not necessarily from places you expect them to be, and it’s possible it won’t always be immediately visible they respect you, but they will and it’s gonna feel great. They’ll make you feel like you belong, even if you’re still a bit of an odd one out.

Let me tell you a story. Mentions of dysphoria, bullying, surpressing ones identity, and loneliness.

I’m Danish, trans, in the non-binary part of the spectrum, leaning towards demiboy, afab. Still figuring stuff out tho. Ever since kindergarten grade I’ve felt like the hugest, dumbest odd one out. I was blocked out of the girl group from day one, and the boys constantly made a point of making me out to be different. I was nicknamed “hermaphrodite” and was “jokingly bullied” for not fitting in. Ended up surpressing who I was and very, very lonely. By the time I changed school, I had no idea who I was and no idea how to behave in any other environment than my old school’s. I have no idea what people thought of me on the new school, but I know they didn’t think of me as a friend or even part of the community - I wasn’t invited to anything, everyone treated me as though I was a strange, awkward alien, and I was left to sit by lonesome self.

In Denmark we have primary a d secondary school, then university. Primary school is from kindergarten grade, also known as 0th grade, to 10th, though 10th isn’t mandatory. You graduate 9th and enroll into secondary school, which is from 11th to 13th grade. What I just described was my entire primary school life, and none of it changed until I got into secondary school. At this point, I knew who I was - well, enough to say “hey, my name is Jax, and what the papers say is my deadname” and be true to my own personality.

My first attempt at 11th grade was severely fucked over by depression, energy loss, and a lacking will to do anything, so I’m in 11th grade for the second year. Over the last one and a half year my dysphoria has gotten a lot worse, to where I also despise my body now. A couple of months ago, I didn’t. A couple of months ago I would’ve felt uncomfortable with being is a “girls” messenger group, but now it straight up sickens me. The boys took inspiration from the girls and made a group chat as well. I wasn’t added. It made my heart heavy and hurt, as though someone had jabbed a knife into it and stuffed stone into it. But I didn’t speak up, too afraid to be the odd one out; too afraid of being in a crowd and not belonging.

The girls planned a movie night & sleepover for Friday, and the boys one for Saturday. I denied coming to the girls one, my dysphoria screaming “no no no no no!”. I wasn’t invited for the boys one.

…well, at first. This is where things lighten up, I promise.

There’s one guy in my class who knows I’m nonbinary. I’m not secretive about it but I’m not comfortable with yelling it out loud, either. We talked, and he found out I wasn’t in the boys group chat. He was, first of all, baffled, then a little offended, and then got me into the group chat and invited for the movie night. I was no less than ecstatic - excited, happy and ecstatic but also very very scared. I turned up at the movie night fidgety and sweaty, anxiety in the roof, feeling incredibly awkward.

Conversation loosened me up. More of the boys showed up and it got easier, even if I was still quiet and feeling a little out of place. But I didn’t feel like the odd one out.

We chatted, did some physics puzzles (yes, we’re the nerdy type of students), figured out together how we all should sit/lay in front of the TV, and fooled around. Me and another guy were walking sleeping bag worms, we all shared our different types of candy, threw apples to each other, three of us melodically slapped a thick pillow, three or four guys took off their shirts bc it was just that warm, and nobody seemed uncomfortable with touching each other or me. There were still things I was scared of saying bc I didn’t want too much attention on myself bc that’s always meant being the odd one out, but I was never uncomfortable. I was neve rnot included. When decisions were made and I didn’t speak up myself, I was asked - casually and friendly.

My inability to speak up made us watch something that lowkey triggered me, and when we went to sleep I desperately wished for someone to stay and sleep in the same room as me. Calm breathing calms me when my anxiety is skyrockets. I didn’t speak up, but someone stayed by his own choice. It was…nice. And i fell asleep feeling okay.

The morning was honestly fantastic. It was calm, it wasn’t awkward, it was casual - and somewhere along the lines I managed to say Im nonbinary because it was casual to the conversation. Later, the same happened with my autism. How they treat me hasn’t changed a bit. If anything, after this sleepover the guys are a lot more comfortable around me and me aorund them. We left together, took the same bus, and talked the entire way, though without any pressure. I went home feeling great.

Going to the sleepover was a leap, but im proud of it and happy I did it. I have never felt this welcome in a social circle that isn’t my closest friends. Of course, the sleepover wasn’t perfect. There was and still isa lot of uncertainty and things I’m not entirely clear about with them. But its a step in the right direction, and they’ve let me into their community with open arms.

For the first time ever, I feel respected, accepted and like I belong in a bigger social circle all at once. It’s a good feeling. A feeling worth living for, and it will come to you too.

[enniewritesathing]

57 Facts

I was tagged by the lovely @pink-chevalier, thank you ❤❤

Let’s see if I got 57 facts in me, lol.

My car, Sheila, is a stick shift. I’ve been dirving stick since I was 19. My dad taught me and I got it down within a day. The hardest part is stopping/going on a hill.

My favorite color is blue, but I love the darker shades of blue. They speak to me. (And they also taste good no matter what it is).

I’m 30, but I look half my age. At least according to everybody. It’s a curse. And don’t give me that, “but that’s good~”. 

I won a Xbox One X from Taco Bell last year. I’m just as surprised as you are. I’m gonna try and see if I can win the white one this year, lol.

My Steam queue and game queue in general? It’s outrageous. 

I served in the military (Air Force). I fixed radio equipment and antennas. 

For almost 3 years because I have really bad shins.

I lived in Germany when I was 2months - 4 years old. I don’t remember any of it, but we have a lot of pictures.

I got kicked out of a major university marching band because I was frustrated with a lot of things and I may have made a F-bomb laced post. (And I talked to the higher ups about stuff but they didn’t listen/did nothing about it). Someone snitched on me; still don’t know who did it. This was back when FB was college-only.

I played the clarinet from 6th grade up until that point. Should have taken up saxophone if I’m gonna be honest.

And then like a semester later, I flunked out. 

When I make OCs, I put a lot of thought into them.

I had a tough love approach to making them, but I'm way gentler now. Mostly.

I tend to make them in pairs? Or eventually they end up being together, lol. I think one pair is married?? But they all tend to have old married couple traits, I think. They *clearly* love each other.

I would make them in TS4, but I forgot what they look like... 😟

I'm 5'0.

I powerlift! Which is *very* different from Olympic Weightlifting! And bodybuilding is completely unrelated to both!

I don't look the part though. Powerlifting brings all sorts of body types.

I've been competing in the 84kg weight class for 3 years, and counting.

I've won 1 1st place, and 3 2nd place medals.

My total right now is about 610lbs for all three lifts. I've got a ways to go to start competing on regionals/nationals.

I have a meet on Saturday and I'm super nervous about it, lol.

I'm single, not sure how to mingle, and at this point... kinda don't want to?

Never really been in a relationship; some times I'm alright with this other times I'm cursing the universe.

I'm demisexual, or, somewhere on the ace spectrum. Demi fits me the most currently. (What's up my fellow aces 🖐)

I'm not aro tho. Give me that romantic shit!!!

Didn't figure this out until I was a whole ass 25 years old, and I found out via here and my hella good friend! And it's been a goddamn ride.

Now that I think about it, Brian is (most likely, but he may be grey-A) demi. I think. Probably.

I've known my good friend for 20 years? Almost 20 years! They have a tumblr too and of course we're mutuals and I love them to bits :>

I'm pretty shy.

I *do* have a type. Well, types, but I do love characters that are strong as hell, but also really sweet??? Like they can fuck you up, but also loves baby cats. A "bad boy" but a sweet boy.

Physically?? Oof. I have a tag on my main that's like my jam, aesthetic wise. They're so handsome. But my fav body type is actually the "lumberjack' build. I like a little beef ~_~

I started making poses because a lot of poses didn't fit my boys/very slim pickings and hardly nothing spicy wise, and I could never find anything super specific that I wanted.

I pretty much learned on my own through a LOT of practice with the Pose Helper. There was like one tutorial using the pose helper, and that was it. Lots of trial and error. If you really want to go through it, go through my ts4 pose wip tag. Like alllll the way back. It was a rocky start.

I do the NSFW/spicy poses in cycles. Basically, when the mood strikes me. I'm not sure what theme I'm gonna go with for the next one though. I've been wanting to do some stripper poses, but also light bondage or something. Hmm...🤔

I do enjoy making them, but 😳

My favorite pose set is probably Bare Knuckle because, at the time, the most complex thing I made and I'm super proud of it. The idea of fighting a literal demon just... came up lol. I am considering doing another Muay Thai centered pose set, but pic refs are hard to come by. The one I used for BK deactivated :(

I use a lot of refs. It's very okay to use refs! Sometimes I have to adjust them to accommodate male frames.

I have a weighted blanket and it's fantastic and if you're able to get one, I SUPER recommend it.

I was born 2 weeks late. Yeah, lol. Sorry, mom.

I have an older half brother. He's out there doing... stuff.

I have 4 nephews. That I know of.

Up until last year, I was the only granddaughter of my grandma. Now I'm the oldest!

I am older than my uncle by 4/5 years. (He was a late/surprise baby lol)

I have a bad habit of making faces. I am *very* expressive. Basically, I'm a walking reaction gif, lol. And I have gotten in trouble when I was younger.

I know how to read maps. Like actual road maps, and I can navigate by sight too. When I was younger, my dad gave me the role on long trips to help me read and know geography. I don't get lost.

I'm pretty hungry right now...

I used to play DDR. Like, an absurd amount of it, allll the way back when Max2/Extreme came out. Now? I play when I can.

Not as good as I used to be, stamina wise, but I still get ridiculously high grades/marksbn on songs. The highest difficulty rating I was at when I peaked was 16s. That's out of a 20 scale. Now? I'm lucky to clear a 13/14. There's a HUGE skill difference.

I have trouble verbalizing things in general. When I'm writing/typing, I'm fine. But speaking?? Forget it.

I am a naturally quiet person, which tends to unnerve a lot of people? I just don't have much to say on a lot of things.

People tell me some wild shit, but uh, I forget because I have a shitty memory and attention span.

Never been in a fight, but I did punch this bully that was messing with me back in kindergarten right in the stomach. Just dropped him. My dad taught me :>

I've been on Tumblr for a LONG ass time... since 2010. I've seen shit. This blog is I think 6 years old? But only 3ish years since it became a simblr, hence the name. It was for my writings at first but ~nobody came~.

I really do love making poses, yall. Even on days where I'm feeling crummy, I try and do one pose. Don't matter what it is.

Every time I get a message saying that my posts/cc brightens someone's day, it makes my whole damn week. Thank you for nice words. I still have an anon message that was sent months ago, saying they really love John and Brian's relationship with each other, and depicting what love is. Thank you, anon 😭😭😭

I love and appreciate every one of ya'll. Thank you for following me and sticking around with this small simblr. :)

57 is a LOT, but I somehow did it. If you wanna do it, considered yourself tagged. If not, that's cool, and if you read all of the facts... congrats, lol.

[justbarrymawonga]

If Only

He sat there confused, what just happened? No answers could come to him only the images of what had happen. Only the looks of disgust on her face that slowly turned into a cruel and violent laugh. There was no actual violence but her words resembled violence so closely that poor Tangi could feel her words deliver devastating blows not to his body but to his spirit. So here he was sitting in confusion trying to decipher the events that transpired at break.

He had done something that people of his status should not have done, something that they shouldn't even think of doing. He approached her, this was not just any ordinary ‘her’ this was Ndapewa the most beautiful girl in school, maybe even in the whole city and maybe still even in the entire Namibia.

And he approached her, he whom they call stinky breath, trapezium (apparently because of the peculiar shape of his somewhat enlarged head), jelly legs, bubble gum butt and many more names still, children are creative that way. How could he have ever made a move on the most desired girl at Concordia high school he who is regarded as the most undesirable?

Tangi sat there in Mr David’s class trying to remember the reason why he decided to do the insanely stupid deed in the first place. It was her smile and she had the warmest of smiles, radiating with so much warmth that it could rival the Sun’s. Not just that during the December holiday Tangi and Ndapewa had spent a lot of time together, Ndapewa was failing maths in such a way the made her look much more human and less of a Goddess but since no parent wants their child just to be human they had arranged it with Tangi’s parents for him to be Ndapewa’s tutor. Seeing that Tangi was the best at mathematics in their grade ever had always scoring in the ninety percentile.

This was my chance thought Tangi to himself as his parents explained that they would be dropping him off at Ndapewa’s house every morning to tutor her for five hours. Five hours just me and her no interruptions this was heaven sent thought the depressed little boy.

And at first Ndapewa was very reluctant and sometimes abusive verbally towards Tangi. But Tangi’s will did not falter he kept at it and eventually his tenacity was rewarded as Ndapewa started to understand the complex equations that were once nothing more than foreign gibberish and his rewards did not stop there Ndapewa was becoming less verbally abusive and treating Tangi like his was an old friend. This was heaven thought Tangi and she was his own Angel.

On their very last tutor session Tangi had set up a very difficult test for Ndapewa, she passed it only got three questions out of a hundred incorrect. She was so happy she planted a big fat kiss right on Tangi’s lips. The rest of the day Tangi’s couldn't say anything he was in such a daze that he didn't even realise that he was in bed now tucked in and ready for his first day at school.

Tangi sat there in Mr David’s class still thinking of all that had happened, why did she kiss me then only to treat me like this now? He was confused he had thought that the kissed had meant that now the two of them would become a couple, finally. There was a very bitter taste in his mouth only after a few seconds did he realise that he had bit his tongue and tasted his own blood. Suddenly Tangi noticed crumpled up paper that was on his desk he unfurled the paper and realised that it was a note. Tangi look around before he read it he saw no one taking responsibility for the note. It only had one sentence on it and no name. It read; ‘MEET ME AT THE FIELD COME ALONE AND DON’T TALK TO ANYONE AFTER SCHOOL!!!’

Tangi looked around more but no one gave away their game.

The field looked humid that day, maybe because it was sprinkled all through the night. Tangi thought that he might be out of his mind for coming here. What did he expect to find? He hoped it was Ndapewa that sent him the mysterious letter but he expected something totally different. How different you ask well he expected maybe a beating or pummeling by Ndapewa’s older brother Marco.

Marco was the captain of the rugby team and he was built like a tank, so saying pummeling Tangi wasn’t an exaggeration. Marco was no stranger to beating up scrawny little boys like Tangi the only reason he was spared a daily dose was because he did Marco’s math homework. Tangi was on the field before the final bell even rang he stood there right in the centre of the field where kickoff normally takes place, was this the kickoff to something beautiful or was this the dawn of his departure from this beloved world?

Tangi smiled to himself as he silently asked himself did his thoughts always have to sound so dramatic. As if some want to be writer was penning his very thoughts. He would never know the answer to his rhetorical question as he saw someone coming, Tangi left his glasses at home that day and his eyesight was so terrible that he couldn’t precisely see who the approaching figure was. The movement of the body suggested that it was a girl rather taking her time to reach him, making him wait sweat trickled down his spine as the mystery girl drew closer. She came close enough for him to make out her walk, that beautiful walk it was Ndapewa.

She was now half way towards him, Tangi tried to squint his eyes but he could not make out the expression on Ndapewa’s face, was it anger or was it excitement maybe it was regret. Even when Ndapewa was face to face with Tangi he still couldn’t decipher what exact emotion he saw on her face.

Ndapewa opened her mouth and nonchalantly said ‘Hi’ her voice was filled with melancholy Ndapewa was looking at the grass at Tangi’s feet, studying it as an astronaut on the moon would look at the rocks.

‘What do you mean “Hi” what is that suppose to mean’ snapped Tangi with tears in his eyes.

At his sudden outburst Ndapewa was forced to look Tangi in the eye she saw his pain, his confusion and because of this she felt pain, she felt her own confusion

‘I am sorry Tangi’ she said but Tangi was having none of it and he replied.

‘What are you sorry for Ndapewa?’ he said her name like it was a curse word forbidden to say out loud by the elders.

She didn’t reply but he did.

‘What was that about this morning you really cut me deep why kiss me and then treat me like this?’ Tangi sighed heavily as he continued ‘I thought we had a connection I thought you were better than the girls we called plastics during the holiday.’

Still no reply he grabbed Ndapewa’s hand with the gentlest of touches and said ‘I meant what I said, I love you.

I have always loved you. Since the first moment I saw your face in kindergarten. You had a purple “Dora the Explorer” backpack my favourite show back, I still watch it sometimes and that always reminds me of you. I know this may sound stupid or silly but it is true. And I felt something between the two of us tell me you didn’t feel it too’ his hands were sweating now maybe it was his imagination but it felt like she was holding his hands as much as he was holding hers.

Still no reply so Tangi spoke once more and said ‘Talk to me Daps please why are you doing this to me’ to this Ndapewa smiled as Tangi used the nickname he had made up for her back in primary school but the smile faded as her reply came

‘I am sorry but you and I cannot be…’

‘Why? I know you love me so why’

‘And how would you know such a thing?’

‘Because you are still holding my hands please tell me Daps why’

‘It’s… It’s just...’

‘What is it am I not cute am I too ugly fro you what is it’

Ndapewa had tears now in her eyes ‘No you don’t want to know you won’t love me anymore please let it be’ seeing Ndapewa’s tears Tangi too started to tear up ‘I will always love you no matter what just tell me’

Now not even trying to hold back the tears now Ndapewa started to chunk loudly ‘I am pregnant!!!’ and as she said it she pushed free of Tangi and she sprinted off, leaving Tangi standing right there at the Kickoff mark.

That was the last time Tangi ever saw Ndapewa alive.

Later that day she had jumped in front of an oncoming truck. Ndapewa just couldn’t live with the fact that she had brought shame to her father’s house. No one except Tangi had known she was pregnant. When he tried to tell Ndapewa’s mother, the grieving mother chased Tangi out of her house with a knife slicing the empty air, as he escaped the yard he could hear the distort mother shouting foul insults before breaking down in tears. Tangi thought of going back and comfort the grieving mother but he couldn’t stop walking.

And.

After a very many years Tangi still thinks of Ndapewa as his true love.

THE END!

[illusoryteam]

Her Name is “K”

Writer: okbdsm Source: Private entry from personal Website Date: May 14, 2018 at 10:34 P.M. CDT Note: This post is edited to remove identifying location information and information that may lead to the identity of the person I am posting about.

This is going to be an incredibly long journal entry, and since the person I am talking about is a friend of mine that I’ve known since elementary school and she is still on my Facebook friends list, I don’t plan on talking about her on a public platform. However, that’s the beauty regarding having a Website in which I can make certain things able to be viewed to the public or have it only able to be viewed to myself and certain people.

“K” is a lady that I met in 1988 when I attended in kindergarten A.M. class at my old public school. After kindergarten, we would end up having the same 1st grade teacher before we went our separate ways. Granted, while we were friends, we were not particularly close (largely due to the fact that I mostly hung out with my guy friends at the time). The two of us would not be in any of the same classes again until middle school.

“K” and I would end up being in the 8th grade middle school band, and while the two of us were still friends, the two of us were still not overly close, at first. However, the two of us ended up getting a little bit closer due to our few interactions we had in band. One of the things that I admired about her was with how sweet and caring she was. Additionally, since I was an occasional target for being picked on by people at school, she also helped to encourage me to stand up for myself a bit more than I did. Thinking about it now, this was likely me being a stupid 14 year old teenage boy at the time, but I found myself getting a crush on her when she invited me over to her house to celebrate her 14th birthday. Unfortunately, I was not able to attend her 14th birthday party since I was away that weekend with an activity with my Boy Scouts of America Troop. Despite that, that small act that she performed would have me enamored with her, and throughout the summer of 1997, I ended up obtaining a crush on her.

As a broke 14 year old teenage boy, I wanted to do some things to impress her and show her that I cared about her. I don’t remember everything that I got her during the summer of 1997, but I remember leaving her small homemade items in her mailbox from time to time. One of the things that I remember leaving her in her mailbox was some free tickets to a baseball game. I would end up going to that same baseball game, and to my surprise, I also saw “K” and one of her friends there. Being a stupid 14 year old teenage boy at the time, I would do things like skip around when I saw her and act really silly as I skipped/ran away.

Anyway, before the start of our 9th grade school year, I would end up writing a note and leaving it in her mailbox letting her know that I had a crush on her. I did not really expect her to acknowledge my feelings for her, but during our 9th grade freshman year of high school, “K” and I would talk a bit more and got a bit closer. Although she dated someone else for the first quarter to half of the school year, I still maintained my feelings for her. At this time, I tried to make it not very obvious that I had feelings for her, but she and a few of her friends knew about it. I would also tell a few of my friends about it, but I pretty much swore my friends to secrecy since I did not want to make things awkward between “K” and I. I will say that during one of the classes she and I shared together, she gave me a note thanking me for the things I got her during the summer of 1997.

The major turning point with “K” was when I and a few others were invited over for Christmas Eve 1997. While I don’t remember what I gave her for Christmas that year (very likely, I either purchased or drew a Christmas card), she would end up drawing me a small Christmas card and gave me a bar of Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Candy Bar. Before heading home that night, “K” ended up giving me a hug that lasted for several moments. With that hug, I experienced such a warmth flow through me that I knew that I did not just have a crush on her.

I was in love with “K.”

While she was absolutely beautiful, her personality was what I fell in love with.

“K” would even be the first lady that I would dance with, and this needs a little bit of backstory.

During 7th grade, 8th grade, and 9th grade, while I would go to school dances and have been asked I wanted to dance by one, I was too nervous to dance with any girls. In theory, I knew where to put my hands, but in actuality, I was too nervous to do it because I did not want to put my hands on the wrong area by mistake. That would all change with a band trip to San Antonio, Texas.

In April 1998, our high school would travel to San Antonio to participate in a concert band contest. For recreation, we would end up going to the Alamo, Sea World, Six Flags Fiesta Texas, and a few other places. After going to Sea World and finishing dinner one night, some of us had the option where we could go to some place to play some arcade games and others were also able to go to a dance. Since I brought my Sega Genesis with me for the trip, I opted to go to the dance instead. However, for us to remain at the dance, we could not be wall flowers. While we were not required to dance, we could not just stand in the corner. Somehow, I managed to avoid being a wall flower, and at some point, we ended up forming a circle where people were dancing in it. It was the last song of the night, and “K” was in the circle. Of course, I was content with just watching her dance, but something unexpected happened.

“K” pulled me inside the circle, and I started slow dancing with her.

Naturally, I was nervous beyond belief.

This was “K!”

I loved “K!”

“K” knew I liked her!

Some people at the dance knew that I liked “K!”

However, as time went on, I felt my worries just melt away and enjoyed the moment that “K” and I had together. To this day, I would like to think that “K” knew that I was nervous as well, and she helped me out more than she could ever imagine. After the dance ended, I would end up thanking her for the dance, and I would say that my dance with her was the absolute highlight of the trip.

While I was hoping to spend the 1998 – 1999 school year trying to get closer to “K” (while hoping that the two of us would end up dating), that plan came to an end on June 24, 1998 when I heard that “K” and her family were moving to another state. Her dad worked for Delta Airlines in a major metropolitan area, and he would commute from home to the major metropolitan area for work. Ultimately, it was decided that her family would move to join her dad in the major metropolitan area , and so, on August 4, 1998, “K” and her family would end up moving from her home town. The thing that I have regretted the most was never telling her in person how much I cared about her.

Despite her moving to the major metropolitan area , the two of us would remain in touch throughout high school via phone calls and me sending her letters, birthday cards, and Christmas cards, and she would occasionally visit her home town to visit other friends as well. It was at this point that I would start ending my letters that I mailed to her with “Love” due to the fact that I wanted to let her know how much I loved and cared about her. I vastly regretted never being able to tell her how much I loved and cared about her when she lived in her home town, so I told myself that I would not make that same mistake again after she moved.

After high school ended, I would continue to send “K” birthday and Christmas cards over the years (there were very rare occasions in which I did not send her one), and even to this day, I recently mailed her a birthday card to celebrate her 35th birthday. However, while I still love and care about “K,” as the years went by, I have started to develop a few criticisms as well. This is something that I will spend some time talking about, and it is one of the primary reasons why I created this private post to finally get my frustrations out.

I do not know how many letters I have written “K” over the years, and I certainly do not remember how many birthday and Christmas cards I have mailed her. At the very most, I have mailed her around 20 birthday cards (minus any years that I might have missed) and around 19 Christmas cards (minus any that I might have missed). Sometimes, she will acknowledge via text message thanking me for remembering her birthday or sending her a Christmas card, but most of the time, I do not receive any thanks at all. Furthermore, I only have one address to mail things to her, and it’s her dad’s address. For a little while, I did have an address for her dad and an address for her mom when she was living with her mom for a while, but after her mom moved from the major metropolitan area, I had to use my fallback of sending things to her dad’s place. Fortunately, her dad has lived in the same house for nearly 20 years, but she lives between 30 to 40 minutes away from her dad, and should her dad ever move from where he lives, I would no longer have any way of sending “K” letters, Christmas cards, etc. unless she shares her current address with me.

Considering that I have mailed her many letters, birthday cards, and Christmas cards, you would think that she would occasionally mail me a letter or something. To date, since she moved to Texas, I have not received a single letter, birthday card, or Christmas card from her. During a trip to Oklahoma in either 1998 or 1999, she did hand me a letter that she was going to mail me, but beyond that, I have not received anything. When I actually write letters to “K,” I put a lot of thought and effort into writing them, and these letters can easily span two or more pages if I wrote front and back, and for me to not have received anything from her after the extraordinary effort I put into them, it can be very disheartening at times.

Now, I am not stupid to think that she does not date people because I know she dates people, and I am not into trying to convince her to date me when she’s already dating someone else. Heck, since she has moved from her home town, I have dated three ladies (one relationship being on and off due to distance, but it lasted from September 1999 to April 2000 with a very long break in between, one relationship lasting from November 2003 to April 2004, and one relationship lasting from October 11, 2008 to November 30, 2010). However, I do try to call her and/or send her a text message (at least) once a month so I can see how she is doing. Lately though, I have not had a lot of success in trying to reach her via text messaging. At the end of 2016, I sent her 66 SMS/MMS messages and received 20 SMS/MMS messages from her, and at the end of 2017, I sent her 115 SMS/MMS messages, and I received 23 SMS/MMS from her. I do not remember how many times I have called her in 2017, but the vast majority of the time, I would end up getting her voice mail.

This is very disheartening to me because I have tried my best to keep in touch with her since she moved to the major metropolitan area because I want to still remain a part of her life. However, I think that part of the reason why I am having so much trouble trying to reach her these days is due to the aspects of adulthood and the fact that I told her my feelings for her. I do not regret my feelings for “K,” and I will always continue to love her. However, these days, when I think about her, part of me gets upset because of the amount of effort I have made over the years to try to remain in touch with her seems to be in vain. Additionally, another part of me feels sad because of the fact that I am not as close to her as I would like to be. I remember many points of the past 20 years where I would think about “K” on a near daily basis, and these days, I will think about her from time to time each month but either become upset or saddened for the reasons above.

Perhaps, this is a sign that I am starting to realize that I value my friendship and love of her more than she does with me, or perhaps, this is a sign that I am starting to let go and slowly starting to move on from her (particularly since I have been largely focusing on the same lady for twenty years). While I do not see myself removing her from my friends list on Facebook anytime soon (I am sure someone will suggest that I do that, but I do not remove people from my friends list on Facebook unless they are bots or spam accounts), I do not see myself making an extraordinary effort anymore to try to keep in touch with her. As always, my overall policy is that when I am friends with someone, unless they outright state that they do not want to be friends with me anymore, they are stuck with me for life, and I will try to do what I can to be there for them.

Regardless, although we are drifting apart, I do love “K” very deeply.

[chasholidays]

MINTY and something with them reuniting after being apart a long time super fluffy pls

Like, he assumes, most people, Nate has a past that’s full of people he loved and lost track of, and the first one he can really remember is Monty Green.

When he thinks about it, he wants to second-guess the word love, because he was a kid. They were best friends when Nate was in first grade and Monty was in kindergarten, and Nate adored him. Monty was bright and mischievous and fun, a born troublemaker with an angelic smile that let him get away with anything. Nate loved him, but it’s easy to think that it wasn’t real love, something like that. In Nate’s opinion, you can’t really love someone until you know what it means, until you know what you’re saying. And back then, all he’d known was that Monty was his favorite person, and he never wanted him to leave. He told his dad they were going to get married, and his dad smiled and said he hoped he did.

(It would be years before he remembered that, and when he did, he loved his father so fiercely it hurt, for a minute.)

Instead, Monty’s mother got a new job, and they moved to California. He and Nate hugged each other goodbye, and Nate cried about it, but that had been it. He’d made new friends, found new crushes, and while he filed away “passionate friendship for other boy at age six” as part of his journey into queerness, he mostly thinks of Monty Green as just one more person he cared for who’s gone now, like his high school boyfriend and his college roommate. If he saw them again, he’d say hi, be happy, and when they friend him on Facebook, he accepts and is happy to see updates about their lives. But they’re never going to be close again, not like they were.

Of course, he’s not even Facebook friends with Monty, so it matters even less with him. Nate is sure he’s never going to see him again.

So sure that when he does see him, he figures he must be wrong.

He and Bellamy are at Bellamy’s favorite coffee shop, definitely not stalking the cute artist who comes in at roughly the same time they do on Saturdays. Per Bellamy, it’s not stalking because they were already coming in at this time before this, and just because they decided to make it a set thing instead of a loose engagement, it’s not stalking. It’s just making plans to be somewhere when someone else might be there too.

It’s also not stalking because Shut up, Miller, which is a worse argument.

Today, when they walk into the coffee shop, the artist is at her usual table, but she’s not alone, and Bellamy’s shoulders slump a little. Nate gets that it’s not a real thing for him, but it’s one of those fun fantasies. She’s always drawing cool stuff, and she’s pretty. Even if Bellamy knew nothing was ever going to happen, it’s nice to have a person to think about. And now that person is apparently not single.

The guy is facing Bellamy’s artist, which means that they’re just seeing the back of his head when they come in, but their usual table is behind the artist, because Bellamy is more interested in peering over her shoulder at her sketchpad than he is at looking at her expression. So once Nate’s got his coffee and has settled in across from Bellamy, he sees the guy full on.

The first thing he notices is that he’s hot. He’s working on a laptop, so he’s looking down, but Nate can still see his jawline and the slight curve of his smile. He and the artist are talking, quietly enough Nate can’t really hear them, but the guy laughs sometimes, and that’s what he realizes that the other thing he’s feeling is familiarity. It doesn’t take long to realize the guy reminds him of Monty, and he finds himself navigating to Facebook, looking to see if he can find any old pictures of them with half his attention as he keeps stealing glances back at the table.

Bellamy kicks him. “Dude.”

“What?”

“It’s not a big deal, you can stop looking at him.”

“He looks familiar. I think he’s–”

The guy looks up and their eyes meet, and his face breaks out in this huge grin. He closes the laptop and comes over, the artist turning to watch him, and Bellamy looks like he wants to die. It would probably be funny, if he had enough brainpower to focus on Bellamy.

“Nate, right?” asks the guy. Monty, rather. Definitely Monty. “Nate Miller? It’s totally Nate.”

“Monty?”

Impossibly, Monty’s grin broadens. “Holy shit!” He takes Nate’s hand and tugs him up, and suddenly he’s getting hugged, before he’s even quite caught up. He doesn’t get hugged much, but Monty is very solid, smells like coffee and sweat, is an amazing hugger.

“I think I missed something,” Nate hears, vaguely, and when Monty pulls back, he realizes the artist has come over. The small part of him that’s aware of things that aren’t Monty registers that she’s standing next to Bellamy, so Bellamy totally owes him.

“This is Nate!” Monty says, grinning at her. “He was my best friend forever in kindergarten.”

“I think if he was just your best friend in kindergarten, it doesn’t really count as forever,” she teases.

Monty waves his hand. “Details. Seriously, I can’t believe it!” he says, turning his attention back to Nate. “What are the odds?”

Nate’s feeling pretty disbelieving himself. “No idea. Good to see you, man,” he adds, and feels like the biggest tool of all time.

But Monty is still smiling. “Yeah. Good to see you too.”

*

It turns out the artist’s name is Clarke, and she and Monty went to college together. Monty recently got a job with Ark, Nate’s favorite indie game developer, so he’s new in town and looking for a social life.

Which means that Bellamy owes him for the rest of their lives and then some, because Monty wants Nate to be involved in that.

“Best friends are forever, right?” he asks, as he puts his number into Nate’s phone.

“I thought you said Jasper was your best friend,” says Clarke, sounding dubious. She and Bellamy are giving them a little space to talk, but not a ton. Clarke seems kind of protective.

“You can have several BFFs. It’s like you’ve never watched My Little Pony.”

“I was watching My Little Pony before you were born.”

“So you should know all about friends. You like drinking, right?” he adds, to Nate.

“As much as the next functioning alcoholic, yeah.”

“Awesome.” He hands the phone back. “Friday?”

“This Friday?”

“I like to really jump into my drinking right away. You know, find a regular place, get a reputation as a lovable drunkard. That’s how TV tells me it’s supposed to work, right? Twenty-somethings have a bar where they hang out and drink unrealistic amounts.”

“We actually already have a bar,” Nate admits, glancing back at Bellamy for approval.

“Yeah, my ex-girlfriend is a bartender,” he says. “So she gives us discounts.”

“Your ex gives you discounts on drinks?” Clarke asks, sounding surprised. “Really?”

“What’s so weird about that?”

“I think most of my exes would charge me extra.”

“Bellamy’s got a superpower for staying friends with his exes,” says Nate.

“You should know. Bisexual,” he adds, at Clarke’s cock of her head. He jerks his chin at Nate. “Gay.”

He is kind of a great wingman, honestly; Nate should get him something nice.

“Wow, queer party,” says Monty. “We really do always find each other, huh?”

“We’re both bi,” Clarke clarifies. “What’s the bar you like?”

Nate’s kind of absently stressed about the whole thing for about twenty-four hours, until Monty texts a picture of a small, gray kitten, with the caption: Other important parts of being a twenty-something: new cat!

And then suddenly, they’re talking. It’s not quite as easy as it was in first grade, but that is what it reminds him of, someone looking at him, liking him, and just deciding they’re going to be friends. It shouldn’t work, really, not given how long it’s been since they talked, but by some miracle, they still like all the same things.

Which, admittedly, include video games, superheroes, and comic books, so maybe they’re just immature, but Nate likes to think they were ahead of the zeitgeist as kids. They’ve just grown into it.

So he’s not exactly stressed when Friday rolls around. Instead, it’s this kind of optimistic nausea, which isn’t exactly an improvement, but is at least novel.

Monty’s already there when Nate and Bellamy show up, and Monty greets him with another hug, like some kind of freakishly affectionate monster. Who hugs people that often?

“Hey, you came! Which one is your ex?” he adds, to Bellamy. “Will she give me drinks? How blessed are you?”

He’s still tucked against Nate’s side when he asks, and when Bellamy points Gina out, Monty navigates both of them to her.

It’s a lot, and, not surprisingly, it only escalates. Monty seems to consider hugs the standard greeting for friends, so Nate can’t even read into it; Clarke and Bellamy gets hugs too, and Gina once Monty starts to get to know her. Raven and even Murphy get hugs. Nate isn’t special.

But he wants to be.

Part of him can’t help wondering if it’s just some weird residual childhood fondness, or cultural programming, like Monty’s desire to get a cat and go to a bar every week. That same impulse makes Nate think that meeting Monty again like this must be fate, that he wouldn’t be seeing him again unless it meant something.

“Or he’s hot and you want to make out with him,” Bellamy suggests.

“Or you’re projecting because you want to make out with Clarke.”

“I think this is one of those situations where you’re both right,” says Gina. “Everyone can suck at emotions and be in denial. You guys are great at that.”

“I’m not in denial,” Bellamy protests. “I know I want to make out with Clarke.”

“And I just think there could be other factors at play here.”

“So, you’re saying you think you don’t have a crush on the cute boy who likes video games and went on a thirty-minute rant about all the pros and cons of the Runaways comic and its TV adaptation,” Gina says. “You think that’s not your type?”

Nate pauses, tries to think of any counterargument and comes up completely empty. “I’m just saying, maybe he’s not as awesome as I think he is.”

Right on cue, Monty shows up, shaking snow out of his hair, and hugs Bellamy and Gina before basically draping himself on Nate’s back.

“Hey, sorry I’m late! Clarke’s on her way too, she got caught on the train. Did I miss anything?”

“Nope,” says Gina, with a bright smile. “I think you’re probably the only one who didn’t.”

*

They’ve been doing Friday drinks, Saturday coffee shop, and playing a lot of Overwatch over the Playstation Network for about two months when Monty says, “We should take this to the next level, right?”

Nate chokes on his beer, but luckily Gina is with another customer and Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven are playing pool, so no one else witnesses it. “What?”

“You haven’t met my cat yet! Not in person. That’s weird, right? You definitely should have met my cat.”

“Really? Is that a known relationship step?”

Monty seems to be thinking this over, giving it more consideration than Nate really thinks it warrants, unless this is actually a good sign. In which case–

“So, what I’m thinking is, you know, once you’re at my apartment, and you see how cute my cat is and how many video games I have an all my awesome superhero posters, you’re going to be overcome with–I guess it’s this weird kind of combination of pity and horniness? Is how I’m picturing it. That happens, and then we hook up, and inertia keeps you doing it. That would be my big, master plan with this.”

He’s not drinking, so he can’t choke again, but–

“Wow. No, that’s really not how it would go.”

“No?” he asks, a little wary, and Nate realizes his mistake.

“I would have kissed you here, if I knew you wanted me to.”

Monty stares. “You didn’t know? How did you not know? I thought I was so obvious! Jasper could tell from like my first text message. I was being so unsubtle! Oh my god, you didn’t know.”

“Sorry?”

He’s laughing, at least. “Wow. I’m–wow. Okay. I’m even worse at this than I thought. But–”

“But I like you,” says Nate. “So can I come meet your cat?”

Monty grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

The rest of the evening goes basically exactly as Monty said it would, except with less pity and more genuine affection. And after, when they’re lying together in Monty’s bed, Nate can’t help asking, “You know you were my first love, right?”

“I hoped so.” He yawns. “And I’m hoping I’m going to be your last.”

Nate’s heart flips over, and he tugs Monty closer. “Yeah. I hope so too.”

[purplesurveys]

459

Ok I’m sorry but these name surveys have turned out to be loadsa fun for me so let me just take another one lmaooooo. 

I honestly find it therapeutic since it allows me to reflect and look back on all of the people I’ve crossed paths with before, whether for better or for worse :) Sorry if I’ll repeat names/explanations, I’ll do my best to remember more stuff about them!

aaron: Already mentioned this in the last survey, but he’s a part of my high school friend group. He was one of my first guy friends ever and he was very nice to me from the very beginning; always made sure I felt like I belonged in a crowd. Also studies in UP and I think he is taking up sports science because he wants to go on to med school. abby/abbey: This is my mom’s name. She goes by the first spelling. I know an Abby from high school; she studies in La Salle now. adam: I don’t know him personally but there used to be a dude from WhatCulture Wrestling (a popular YouTube channel) named Adam – he was my favorite to watch until he got caught in a major fuck-up and was booted from the group. adel adrienne ajee

ajla alan: I have an uncle named Allan. He was part of my dad’s friend group in college; they met each other in their org. He was in every birthday party when I was a kid, but I don’t see him anymore now because his family already migrated somewhere else. alex: Broad comm student who plays the guitar and sings well; I haven’t talked to her. I also knew an Alex from 6th grade and she was just...not a very bright student. She had to move because I don’t think her grades reached the standard in my school, and now I think she lives in California. If not there, then somewhere else in the States. Alex is a fairly common name here, though, and I know I’ve missed out on a bunch of other Alexes.

alexa: Again, another girl from high school. Was a cool girl and a party girl from the very start. Like I said in my past survey, she lives in Australia now. alexis alexzandria alicia: My friend Alliyah’s boss, who she has a huge crush on, is named Alicia but she goes by Alice. alisa allie/ally: Gossiping fake loser from our rival journ org who does nothing but spread black propaganda about our org to keep people from joining ours – when she talks to us, though, she’s super nice. I’m so fucking happy she’s graduating because she has such a toxic personality :(  allison: Former prof in Comm 100. Wasn’t very good but I had a crush on her from the very first lecture. She had a serious car accident in the middle of the sem and had to wear like a nose brace thing for the rest of the sem. alycea/alycia alyssa: I rode the school bus with a girl named Alyssa but I was much closer to her older sister Alex. There’s also an Alyssa from broad comm and I was classmates with her in my political science, history, and broad comm classes for this semester. She’s the niiiiiiiicest girl and would always help me out if I have missing notes or whatever. amanda: Girl from my org who’s taking up engineering. I was her VP last semester, but she had personal problems and so she wasn’t able to work much under me. Whenever she did, though, she was always reliable. Quiet girl, a little socially awkward. amari amber andrew: I first met him at a rally/protest I attended in 2017. Hit it off well right from the start because I saw that he was wearing a wrestling shirt, so we bonded over WWE that day. He plays the guitar and has released his own EP, is a junior DJ at one of the hip radio stations in Manila, and has done his fair share of hosting gigs. He used to take up engineering but shifted to journalism as he likes it better. Is very adventurous and amiable but tends to get too friendly; some might find it tiring but I honestly think it’s just his personality. He was my groupmate in communication research and I thought he was decent. angela: My best friend’s name is Angela. We first met each other in Grade 1 when we were 7, and we became friends after I stabbed her palm with a newly-sharpened pencil. She still has the pencil mark today. anna: Anna is a popular secondary name in the Philippines, but no one actually uses it as their main name. anne: Same with Anne. annie: My grandma’s best friend who used to come over the house every Sunday. Like I said in the past survey, I’m honestly not sure if she’s still alive lol. She was already pretty old when I was still very young. anthony aasad ashley: I *think* I have a distant cousin named Ashley that I first met at a family reunion last year. But let’s be real, Filipino families are huge and I don’t even know if I remember her name correctly, if she’s even an Ashley. aubri: One of my closest friends in high school was Aubrey. We were very, very close in junior year until she dropped a bomb on me that her family was migrating to California by the time we start senior year. We don’t talk anymore because of the distance and the timezones, but I’ll always be there for her no matter what. Incredibly talented dancer and figure skater. She’s in UCLA right now and as far as I know she is killing it over there. austin autumn: I know an Autumn from my wrestling fandom days. I think she was a redhead, but I don’t remember anything else. barbara becca: A girl from broad comm. She was one of the principal actors in one of the productions we did for BC and she has a really cute laugh. Super elegant; she reminded me a little bit of Audrey Hepburn because she was really graceful. She’s the older sister of my orgmate Rita, who’s from psych. ben beth bethany betty: I have a friend-ish named Bettina. Betty’s kind of like a goofy nickname; she actually doesn’t use it but I think it still counts. I’ve known her since first grade; she peed her skirt in our first day of Grade 1 and I remember her crying a lot. She had a wild TV show phase starting from Grade 5 and she was into Nicole Kidman, Paula Abdul, Kara DioGuardi, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Stana Katic, Kate Walsh, etc etc etc and a bunch of shows like Private Practice, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle, Suits etc etc etc. She was super shy, very awkward in person so I’m glad her love of TV shows and actresses sprung her into life for the most part. She’s in UP Manila and I think too busy to get into fandoms now. bijan bobby bram brandon brandy breanna/brianna: Brianna is my friend Pat’s middle name. I honestly used to be so envious of this name of hers because I thought it sounded really nice, but now I think it kinda sounds like a bratty name hahaha. brendan brian: I have an uncle named Bryan, but we aren’t related. He’s my mom’s cousin’s husband. He’s VERY shy and likes to keep to himself or his kids at family gatherings but turns really cool when he’s had a little to drink. brittany/brittney/brittni brock brooke bruce buck cameron camille: Nice girl from my childhood school bus. There’s an unofficial norm in private schools in that when you’re older, you get to be mean to the younger kids. Not her. She was always nice and include us second graders in her antics in the bus, even though she was several years older. I was bummed when I found out they moved to the States. candy carina: I used to ride the school bus with a Carina but she was much younger. I was already in high school when she was in kindergarten. She’s the younger sister of Carissa, who I always found to be pretty weird. Anyway, these girls were clearly rich and pampered; they had a nanny ride with us in the bus. carly: I had an Internet friend named Carley; she was my first online best friend. We met here on Tumblr in like 2012 and got close because we were both huge fans of Stephanie McMahon at the time haha. We would video-call EVERY afternoon when I would come home from school while she would get ready for school (she’s from Pennsylvania). Eventually she’d disappear off the face of the earth and stopped talking to me but resurfaced a few months later. She’d continue to do this like 10 other times until I got tired of getting my hopes up of having her back. She’s tried reconnecting with me again on DMs but I just ignored it cos I knew there was a good chance she’d just cut off our communication again. We’re still Facebook friends and she’d pop up on my news feed from time to time, but that’s it. carol: I have a great-aunt named Carol. But my grandma has so many sisters that I honestly do not remember which one she is. carrie cassandra: I had a batchmate named Kassandra, who went by Kasey. Really bright, sweet, intelligent girl. She moved to Singapore in 7th grade. She was very, very simple and very kind to everyone and you wouldn’t be able to tell that she’s crazy rich. Her dad’s a top exec for a famous food and drink company and she lives in the same village I do–their house is guarded 24/7. cassidy chantel charlotta chelsie: Chelsea’s part of our high school friend group and is also crazy rich. We always hung out at her place because her house is huge. She’s very maarte, which I cannot really translate to English...the closest term is probably high maintenance hahaha; but she’s very sweet and generous and kind too. cheryl chris: One of Gabie’s best friend is a Kris. Other than liking outdoorsy stuff like going to the beach and hiking which is all I know about her, I think she’s also half-American. christopher: I have an uncle with this name but like I said his nickname is Perry. He works abroad like my dad (his brother-in-law) and my dad’s sister (his sister-in-law). cienna clare: Guidance counselor for several grade school levels. Understandably, she is very maternal. I once had a nasty fight with another girl and we had to be sent to her office. clarissa: Went to school with a Clarisa. We first met in Grade 4 because she rode my school bus, and instantly clicked. She was very nice, very sweet; she was simple to the point that, like Kasey, you’d have no clue how rich she was. She lives in a huge mansion now but she lived in a huge house before that as well, it’s crazy. Really, really sweet and she would give the best hugs. I played table tennis a lot with her in high school too. She studies in Miriam now but I’m not so sure about her course. claudia: Already said a lot about her in the last survey. Popular girl her whole life. She still goes to a bunch of parties but she is so much nicer now than she was when we were younger. cody cole collin corey corinne: One of my former teachers named her daughter Corinne. I think she’s 8 this year. courtney crissy: Chrissy was one of my very best friends in preschool and grade school. She looked Chinese even though she had a Filipino-sounding surname, and I was never sure if she had Chinese blood or not. She was boyish so she was very rowdy, liked to play rough, and punched other girls if she got pissed; but other than that she was very quiet and shy. She was constantly on the basketball team too. Eventually her family moved to Canada. crystal dallas dan danielle danika: An orgmate that worked under my committee two semesters ago. She’s from business ad and was juggling another org so she wasn’t very active at all to begin with. Her performance just plummeted every month and she ended up ghosting my org last semester–never replied to anyone when we tried to check up on her. I was very mad at her until she restarted contact with us recently and explained how tumultuous stuff suddenly got in her personal life and mental health that she had to take care of herself for a while, which we all understood immediately. She’s coming back to the org this year and we’re more than ready to welcome her. She’s very charming, goofy, and kind. She has a very life-of-the-party personality haha. danny: I have a friend-ish named Dani that I met through Angela. We all sat at the same table during the senior ball at Ateneo in 2016 so we got to talk then. She played volleyball in high school and she studies in San Beda now. She wants to take up law school so I think her course is in political science.  darious david: Pat’s boyfriend from Serbia and Patrice’s boyfriend from economics HAHAHAHA. Also a sucky groupmate from my comm res class who did absolutely nothing to contribute in the final paper that Hannah and I worked our asses so hard for. dean deanglo derrick destiny devin dillon donna dwayne [Random survey-taker note: these are all very Western names...] emie emily eric: My godfather is an Eric. Like my Tito Allan, he also met my dad through their college org. He’s an exec in a bank now and is suuuuuuper rich. Has a daughter named Arya which he could’ve named after the GoT character but am not really sure about that. everette felicia gabby: Wildly popular name. 1) My girlfriend’s name is Gabie; 2) there was another Gaby in my high school batch. 3) I have a friend from the Tumblr wrestling fandom named Gabbie who was really good in Photoshop – we study in the same school but have never met each other. 4) I have a high school batchmate whose little sister is a Gaby, annnnnddd I also just remembered that 5) there was another Gabbi in the wrestling fandom who also made good edits at the time. gerald gina guliana gloria: Do last names count? Hahaha. Gloria is the surname of my instructor in my class in international relations just this past sem. He’s a new faculty member but is craaaazy good at teaching; clearly knows what he’s talking about. He was passionate about his subject and I always admired that about him. I was really sad when class had to end. grace: I have a great-aunt named Grace; he’s my late grandpa’s sister. She’s really...quite fabulous; she has connections with super prestigious people and has a fancy wardrobe. She’s the only Filipino grandmother I know who goes by ‘Nana’ to her grandkids, which I note because Nana is like a super Western thing afaik. She has drama queen tendencies though and can be sensitive to a lot of things lmao. gracie hannah: One of the close friends I’ve made in college so far! Our first meeting was when she and Macy moved from UP Los Banos to the Diliman campus (where I study) and the three of us enrolled in our classes together. I was closer to Macy first, but eventually me and Hannah got a stronger friendship. Best groupmate, workmate, and David Archuleta fan I know. Sings great and plays the piano great. An absolute angel. hasan hawa hayley: I only know a dog named Hailey lol. heather: Someone from my high school batch is a Heather! We were never in the same cliques but she is one of the friendliest people I know. She knows how to talk to anyone which I appreciated. We bonded over One Direction in high school and she also confided in me a few times about her relationship and how her parents forbade her from seeing her boyfriend because he was trans. She also studies in my school now, taking up business economics. We barely see each other but say hi whenever we do. holly hunter ibro isaac isaiah jack jackie: One of my aunts has a relative named Jackie and I literally only found this out earlier when we met up and caught up with each other. jacob jacquelin jaden: A kid of my mom’s best friend is a Jaden. He was named after Jaden Smith because he was born during the time the Karate Kid remake made big waves. jake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I had a garbage instructor with this name. This dude was in charge of my weekly crying binges and panic attacks because I was never sure if I was gonna pass his class. He seemed to enjoy giving all of us failing marks too which made me hate his piece of shit ass more. He’s supposed to be really good at what he does but I guess knowledge just does not always translate well in the classroom. Ended up passing his class, but now I’m cursing his ass forever. james: I have a younger cousin named James. I’ve only met him twice; once when he was a newborn, and then when he celebrated Christmas 2018 with us. His family’s lived in New Zealand and Vietnam since 2008, which is why we never get to see him, and why he does not remember me at all. janai janveia jared jason jay: My uncle is a Jay; he’s my mom’s brother. I disowned him as my uncle many years ago. He’s a terrible drunk, a disgusting smoker, and an annoying freeloader. I tried giving him a chance before, but after I found out that he drunkenly punched a cat once, I ignored him forever. Sometimes my mom and grandmother would ask me to acknowledge him at family gatherings, so I’d have to begrudingly do so; but other than that he’s out of my life. jazmine: There was a Jasmin from my old school. She’d always been very artistic and she was into K-Pop very early on. She’s taking up linguistics in my school now. jeana jeanette jen: Girl from the now-ancient Tumblr wrestling fandom. She’s probably the biggest and most passionate wrestling fan I know as she would follow both the mainstream and indie promotions the last time I checked up on her. She was kinda vain and kept on taking selfies while captioning each one as ‘ugly.’ I remember that she has a dog she really loves, and that she lives in Boston. jeralyn jerry jesse jessica: Meh, annoying girl from high school. I’m sure she’s nice(?) but her personality just didn’t click with me. She was too vibrant and too friendly that it almost seemed fake; but what do I know, I never really made the effort to know her better other than bonding over 1D here and there. jim jocelyn jodi: I know a Jodee from my old school. Spoke straight English, is intelligent, but is a huge goofball and very mischievous/rebellious. She was a smartass and liked testing the teachers’ patience whenever she can, but she always did it in a very funny way I think. She was often called to the guidance counselor’s office for having relationships with other students (I went to a Catholic all-girls’ private school, so this was obviously not allowed) but she always stood her ground about it and was never afraid to fight back. She had a phase of unhooking our bras in like 5th grade. joey: My blockmate has a younger sister named Joey. I think she is also studying in UP. john: The cousin I’m closest to is named John, but it’s not his preferred name. jonathan jordan josh: I know two Joshes, but only because they are boyfriends of a couple of acquaintances. jossie julia julie junior justin: I went to school with a girl who initially went by Justinn, but like she all wanted to start calling her by her other name, Ria, as we grew older. I also briefly rode the school bus with a girl named Justine, but we didn’t talk much. kailyn kaitlyn kaleb: Chelsea’s brother is named Caleb. kali karrie karli kasey: Oh, I guess Kasey (under Cassandra) falls under this too lmao. kasahwn katarina: Not exact, but Katrina’s a fairly popular name where I live. My cousin’s boyfriend is named Katrina, my aunt is a Katrina (but she goes by Bianca), and I also went to school with a Katrina even though her nickname is Cheenie. kate: Already talked about this in the last name survey. I met Kate through my org; she’s a huge joker/goofball, is naturally very friendly, and has an awesome wardrobe. When she’s bored and we both aren’t doing anything, she puts makeup on me. Works very well but is also a huge partier HAHAHAHA. katie: This is my nickname for Kate, if that counts. kayla: There’s a Kayla in my college, but her course is in broad(cast) comm(unication). I remember her very well because she is the first person I EVER talked to when we had our freshman orientation in UP. We didn’t become close after that. She’s pretty, has nice clothes and hair, is part of the popular circle, and she’s part of streetdance which is like one of the cooler orgs on campus. kelli kent: I have a younger cousin who’s a Kent. We used to be close when we were both kids, but now we’re shy towards each other. He was obsessed with dinosaurs when he was younger, like 5 or 6. kerna kevin kiana: I have an orgmate named Kiana! SOOOOO pretty and has like the clearest skin. Very simple and down-to-earth. Is nice but can kick your ass because she has a black belt in taekwondo. She’s smart as hell and I’m pretty sure she’s graduating as magna cum laude, besides the fact that she’s going to UP Law right after. kiley kim: I also have an orgmate named Kim :) He’s the sweetest guy ever, and is just so easy to talk to. He has a really cute relationship with one of the org’s alumni. I didn’t get to bond with him much but am sad all the same that he’s graduating this year :( kimberly: Went to my old school with a Kimberly but she went by Kim. Was one of the rougher, lesser-behaved kids. She was a demon in grade school. Not quite sure how she’s doing now. She’s my friend on Facebook but can’t really care less about her life updates. kirsten kristy kyle: Kyelle is a kinda good friend of mine. He’s from the same circle, but we aren’t close in particular. He’s very nice though, very silly and likes to goof around. laila lain: I used to have an orgmate named Laine. She was our VP for External Affairs two years ago. She’s now in law school. leah: Cheenie’s mom is a Lea. She’s probably the best mom friend my mom made from my school hahaha; she’s known me since I was 4. lexi: I have a high school batchmate named Alexa but I think she goes by Lexi, judging from her Twitter name. Is naturally quiet but gets very friendly when you get her to open up. Easy to talk to. liam: Liam is my youngest cousin, I think. He was born in 2014 or 2015. I’ve never seen him, because he and his family lives in New York. I’ve only ever met his big sister. :( lilly: This girl I was classmates with for a journ elective. I found her to be verrrrry pretty and she had the biggest, most piercing eyes; until I found out that she was one of those die-hard Catholics who are vehemently pro-life. She once defended a fraternity whose members were confirmed to be misogynist, sexist, racist, homophobic and transphobic pieces of shit in a leaked groupchat simply because she believes in ‘forgiveness.’ She caused another ruckus two weeks ago when she made known her pro-life views well known. I wanna unfriend her ass so bad but she just keeps making all the wrong opinions that I just wanna stay and watch her get schooled by my less-than-thrilled college mates hahaha. lina liz: If I remember correctly, there was an Elizabeth from my wrestling fandom who went by Liz. She lives somewhere in the UK, had reddish hair, and was in love with John Cena lmao. She would sometimes make edits too. loren: Other than the Lauren I mentioned in the previous survey, I also had a friend named Lauren from the Tumblr wrestling community too. She was one of the first friends I made. She was two years older than me, fancied Andy Samberg earlier than anyone else, had a cool room, was obsessed with cats, and loved tie-dye stuff. lydia lyndsey lynnette macaila mack: JM’s dad goes by Mackey, if that counts hahahaha. He’s a lawyer and a college professor. mckenzi macey: I went to high school with a Macy and now she’s in college with me too. She used to study in UPLB but moved to Diliman after a year, since she always planned to take up journalism (she didn’t pass the cutoff initially, so she had to stay in LB for a year before she moved). I was very close with her throughout high school, but idk, she’s just never been in a good place mentally so our friendship is very up-down-up-down. I tried to reconnect when we were reunited in college, but she’s found her crowd now so I’m happy for her nonetheless.

There’s also a Macy in my org who worked under my committee for a year before she moved to finance. Quiet girl but was always nice to everyone. She’s also graduating this semester :( maddie madison margo: Went to elementary school with a Margo but she preferred to spell it as Margauxe lmao. We became close for a while because we rode the school bus together and she would lend me the other half of her earbuds so we can listen to Ashley Tisdale’s Headstong and Vanessa Hudgens’ V every day (this was when High School Musical was peak popular). She sort of had a tumultuous family life here until she moved to Hawaii a few years ago. I think she may have moved to California now too. maria: Again, this is like the base name for like half of all Filipina girls. It’s so common that it’s just simply shortened to ‘Ma.’ because everyone knows what it stands for. marina marisa: Kayla’s middle name is Marissa. marquis mary: Macy’s first name is Mary. mathew: I know a bunch of Matthews from both high school and college but they all go by Matt. The one I remember the most is Matthew from another high school friend group who was close with my group. Our group was invited to their Christmas party, and they had a gimmick that each member of their group was gonna be paired with someone from ours, and it was gonna be a costume party. I was paired up with Matthew (but they called him Cho), but I never went to the party so I never got to meet him. I’m sure he’s nice, though. matt: See Mathew. maura mechelle: I have an orgmate named Michelle. She’s clumsy, kinda awkward, but she does it in a very cute way and we all love her because she’s so funny haha. She passed the toughest med school program in the COUNTRY but chose journ in the end. Is the most Chinese Chinese-Filipino girl I know. megan: I know someone whose middle name is Megan but she goes by a different name. melissa: Hahahahaha. I knew a Melissa all right. Freeloader. meredith mersadies micah: I was classmates and friends with a Micah in grade school. My parents and hers were close, so we became close too. She was very smart but I remember her to be deathly afraid of walking on beams when we had to do it in PE. She moved schools in the fifth grade, and she studies in UST now. michael: His full name is Michael, but Mike is a guy I almost went out with in high school. Wasn’t really attracted to him, but he’s like super smart so it was a huge plus point for me lol. I also have an orgmate named Michael but we all call him Elis. He’s unreliable. miranda: If surnames count, Gabie’s best friend’s last name is this haha. molly monica: Some girl who went to my old school but transferred schools early on, like in 2nd or 3rd grade. She was Gabie’s childhood friend though so I still hear from her from time to time. She’s in UP now too, but I don’t know what course she’s taking. morgan nashid natasha: I went to high school with a girl named Natasha, but she goes by Tashie. Huge girl and a beast at softball. Can be a big softie but she has weird mood swings too (and when she’s mad, she’s quite violent) so I just tried not to piss her off while we were still in school together lol. nate: Yeah he’s in the same college as me but I know zilch about him other than he’s supposed to be really good in making films. nathan neema nichole: Annoying younger busmate who graduated high school this year. nick: Nick is the codename I gave to one of my first crushes. Obviously not his legit name so I don’t think this counts. nicholas olivia paige preasia preme prisilla: When I was still applying for AIESEC, Priscilla was assigned as one of my groupmates. I was originally iffy because she didn’t get online to work until like 11 PM, but when I did see her start working, she was a GODDAMN BEAST. Amazing. Did everything I assigned to her. When I met her in person the next day, she spoke very well and was very put-together. My respect for her soared even more after that. I dropped my application soon after for unrelated reasons but it was a pleasure working with her. Last I heard, she’s a councilor-elect in her local college’s student council. rachel: My math teacher in Grade 1 was a Rachel. I don’t remember her at all, except for the fact that when she found our class noisy one day, she completely stopped talking and mimed everything for the rest of the 45-minute period. raheim raven: Creepy, weird dude from my org who’s always looking for a dick to suck. I’m not even trying to insult him, he’s just perpetually thirsty and makes sure the whole world knows it for some reason. ray renee: Sweet, intelligent, hilarious girl from my high school. She’s very makwela, which in English means zany/funny. Her dad is a national basketball coach so it’s no surprise she followed in his footsteps. richard riley rita: Sweet, sweet girl from my org. We all just kinda naturally flock to protect her from bad influences or creepy people because she just has such a sweet soul. She’s my successor VP in my committee. robby: I have an Uncle Rob, but he doesn’t go by Robby. He’s the husband of my aunt (my mom’s cousin). He’s from New Zealand and has a Masters or a PhD in film theory, I don’t actually remember which. ryan: I used to see him a lot at a relative’s house until I was like 8. I’ve never seen him since and don’t actually know how he’s related to us or me lmfao. sabrina samantha: I have a younger cousin named Samantha. Sam was born and raised in New York but visited the Philippines last year and I was primarily in charge of taking care of her. She’s just the cutest darling I’ve seen and has the most perfect accent ahuhuhuhuhuhu. She likes My Little Pony. sara sarica sean: Someone from a lower batch in high school has this name. I never knew her but we follow each other on Twitter loooooool. secilia seliena: My older cousin’s first name is Selina but she goes by her second name, Bianca or Bia for short. We were inseperable as kids but we grew shyer as we grew older :( shannon shauna: Gabie’s orgmate. That’s all I know. She liked my tweets in the past but that’s the most contact we’ve made. shayna shelby sherry seirra skylar spencer steven stevey susan: I have an Aunt Susan. She took care of me my whole childhood; fed me, gave me baths, all that stuff when my mom was too busy with work. She got run over by a hit-and-run motorcycle when I was 9 and she was never the same after. She was crankier and had violent outbursts. tamara: I went to school with a Tamara; her nickname was Tammy. She was a gentle giant; like she was a naturally big girl but was very soft-spoken and SUPER shy. We got close for a while in 4th grade but her paths differed not long after. tashryha taylor tayshaun terrell tiffany: I had a batchmate named Tiffany. She was kinda mean in grade school but got nicer as we got older. I never really got the chance to know her well. tori trevor trisha: Another high school batchmate. All I remember was that she would cheat on tests by changing her wrong answers when the teachers would give our results back so they could correct it for her. Also a big Justin Bieber fan lol. trista tylik vanessa: There was a Vanessa in an older HS batch but she went by Via; she just graduated college yesterday but that’s all I know. There’s also a Vanessa in my sister’s HS batch; she’s half-German and that’s also all I know. victoria: Some girl I had a class with was named Victoria but it’s her middle name; we all called her Kristine. wally will wyatt zach: Another guy from the wrestling group I was in. He was one of the older dudes so I was more scared of him than the rest. zachary: Same answer as Zach. I think this was his whole name. zoey

[theliterateape]

The Musical Mr. M

by J. L. Thurston

I can name all my former teachers from K-12. After that, things get foggy as college classes flew by in a half-hungover and completely stressed blur. There was a time when I considered becoming and English teacher, and I only cast the thought aside once I pictured teaching unappreciative students. I’d probably burn out in two months. Thank god for real teachers who make the impact every single day for every single student. Truly, that’s an incredible feat very few teachers have the strength for. Can’t say I blame the ones who don’t, but I feel the urge to write something of a tribute to a teacher whom I’ll never forget. A teacher who was more than a teacher for all the students who passed through his tutelage. It was like the man was made of music, the embodiment of jazz with the soul of an orchestra.

He had a last name most kids couldn’t pronounce, so we called him Mr. M. The high schoolers and over-confident junior highers simply called him M. This was a man who had the skill and talent for greatness, but he chose to teach band to a school of three-hundred students. Three hundred total, kindergarten through twelfth grade. Band began in fourth grade, and that’s when M took our minds and threw them into a higher elevation using music.

I graduated high school twelve years ago and have since lost touch with M, but I can still picture him perfectly. I can even hear his voice as clearly as though he were right here reading over my shoulder and laughing that I’m even spending time writing a short tribute to him, being the humble guy that he was. This man once told me a story about how he dressed up in a monkey costume and went to the store shopping for bananas. As an adult. I’m just saying laughing at himself was not an issue for this guy.

M was a skinny man, not very tall though he seemed tallish to ten year olds. He had black hair that was only just beginning to gray. I assume he started each morning with his hair neatly combed, but by the time he made it to school he’d ran excited hands through it so that his locks pointed in the wrong direction like a mad scientist. He had a walk and a stance that suggested all of his joints were made out of rubber bands. I always thought that if someone could be Motown and still be a white guy with nerdy glasses, that’d be M. He’d stroll down the hallways and hear a shout from a student, “What up M?” to which he’d reply, “You be up!” To any whine or gripe he’d cry out- while failing to suppress a grin- “You weenies!” But anything that went his way by the hand of anyone, be they nine or ninety, he’d call out, “You rock!” M was enthusiasm personified, and everything he ever said or did was always about other people. Selfish just didn’t compute with this guy.

He was in constant motion, standing up on the podium directing a score, all eyes could be found drawn to his hands. M’s fingers were instruments of purpose, and had that strange power only a Maestro could possess. He drove forty-five minutes one way just to get to school every day, and he never left when the bell rang. Concert band, jazz band, marching band, music theory, after school lessons, and maintaining peace and order in the band room was all left to him. I never heard him complain once. He loved it, and his students loved to participate in all tasks M showed interest in.

I, like many students, spent a lot of time with him. I picked up the trumpet in fourth grade and fell in love with music in a way my nine-year old brain could never have done had it not been for band. As I grew, I followed M’s instruction and doors opened up for my musical brain. I remember in junior high, while playing the score from Lord of the Rings, I struggled to finish because of a lump in my throat. The music moved me, music that I was creating with my own breath and hands. It was the most real form of magic I’d ever discovered. I learned in those early days what incredible emotion could be found in music. To a young writer, music became a battery in which I could charge inspiration and draw energy.

My awkwardness loosened away in the sanctuary of jazz band where I was kidnapped by the pleasing insanity that is jazz trumpet. Through concert band I found pride in myself that soothed the rougher edges of my childhood self-esteem. Marching band was taught with much whistle-blowing and shouting from M, but twice as much laughter. Our tiny marching band kicked ass, and blew most big schools out of the water. Thanks to our coach, our captain. Clear as day, I can hear his chant and the echoing answer of the drums as he called, “Band! Horns up!” Excitement always followed that call. We knew we’d play our faces off for him. The town would come to football games just to watch us at halftime shows. We were damn good. And the cadence we marched to is still played by my old school to this day, carrying on the spirit in full liveliness.

Music theory humbled any thoughts I had that I was musically inclined. I took the class with only two other students. I’m pretty sure M didn’t fail me only because he appreciated my efforts. He did help me compose my first and only song. The track slipped during my clumsy editing, and it sounded like a hot bag of shit, but it was good for a laugh.

M was more than a band teacher for my tiny school. He knew us as though he was our favorite uncle in some kooky family. He shared with me a secret that I hope he doesn’t mind me writing about. When M discovered my passion for writing, he confided in me that he, also, was an unpublished writer. We exchanged chapters. I’ve never been so nervous about someone’s opinion as I was of his. I knew the slightest negative comment from him would wound me for far longer than any other critique. M must have known how it felt to bare one’s soul in written form, and gave me high remarks that set me soaring. His writing was, of course, genius and incredible. I hope he doesn’t mind me talking about it now; he swore me to secrecy about it when he let me read it. I heard a rumor from someone that he’s published now, so here’s hoping he doesn’t mind.

He retired from my tiny school my senior year. His last concert was the spring concert in which many of his alumni attended and even played in his honor. I gifted him with a journal that I had ran around trying to get as many people as possible to sign as a farewell gift. It felt weak as a parting gift. How could I thank a man who had molded my mind in such a positive and powerful way? All I can think of after twelve years is this article here. I think it will serve as some sort of kindness to share of him on this platform. To express in some way that there was a teacher who really was more than a teacher every single day of his career. That the spirit of music truly lives in people, regular people, and that M chose to use his spirit in uplifting students in a no-account school in the middle of nowhere. He won’t win any prestigious awards, but that’s because he is the most deserving and, at the same time, the most humble.

So, to the musical Mr. M, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I have only words of thanks, of the deepest gratitude, for being my band teacher.

            “Because we have fun in band!” -M

[bessonbitch]

To my followers,

I take dual-credit classes at my high school, which are college classes that earn both a college credit and a high credit. This semester, one of the classes I’m taking is Psychology 110. We’ve just started our positive psychology unit, and one thing that we have to do is write a letter to someone we believe we haven’t properly thanked and then we have to read the letter to them. The one I submitted for a grade was for my best friend, but I wanted to do one for you guys too. I tried to record this for you guys, but the video ended up being thirteen minutes long and was too large of a file to be uploaded to Tumblr. So, instead, I settled for just putting the written letter up for you guys to read. (For the record, this is a lot of background about me and who I am before I actually get to the appreciation part #sorrynotsorry)

If you don’t know me, hi. I’m Kayla, I’m seventeen, turning eighteen in November. I’m from a small town in eastern Kentucky that is the definition of conservative America. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was five years old when my kindergarten teacher told me that some stupid story I wrote was good and that she was going to put it my writing portfolio that the school made us do. I started writing then, and I haven’t stopped since…

Well, that’s a lie. In sixth grade, I had this tyrant of an English teacher. She was obsessive, wanted us to write a very specific way and that didn’t sit well with me. I struggled in the class, and had panic attacks almost weekly for the entire year because I felt like what I wrote wasn’t good enough, that it didn’t meet her unrealistic standards. By the time I got to the seventh grade, I was completely turned off by writing.

So, for about a year, I didn’t write. I used to write fanfics all the time—mostly for Justin Bieber or the dance group ICONic Boyz (if you’ve been around long enough to know who these guys are, wow, hi, it’s nice to meet someone else who’s been as obsessive as I am for as long as I have), and the occasional Percy Jackson fic. That stopped, too, after the sixth grade. I didn’t get the same enjoyment out of it anymore, but I still read fanfictions online. In the sixth grade, I also found the band One Direction. I remember being the first person who liked them in middle school, because they weren’t quite marketing to America yet. Throughout sixth and seventh grade, I read fanfictions for 1D all the time. I never had any homework, so I spent every free moment just reading these godawful fanfictions written by people who used every trope imaginable in one story because that’s just what we did in 2012. In case you don’t know what that means, I believe 2012 was about when people started referring to “eyes” as “orbs”...Yeah, I’ve been around that long. (I started the fanfic phase waaaay back in fourth grade, in case you were wondering.)

I don’t remember what compelled me to write again. I think it was because I ran out of fanfictions to read. I’m not sure. But I remember one day, motivation hit me like a truck. So, I picked up the pen—well, the laptop, if we’re being technical—and wrote the stories that only I knew how to write. Sixth grade English did help me with one thing, and that was how to actually structure a story and its plot and not just go on forever about some crap that, at the end of the day, doesn’t matter in the story. You know, kind of like this letter than I have no idea where I’m going with.

I started writing again and I haven’t stopped since. I found people who loved and appreciated my work. I posted content on a website called Quotev (it used to be called Quizzazz and you can bet your ass I was pissed when they changed the name), and every once in a while, I’ll log on to see what’s going on over there. To this day, I still get comments from people saying they love my work even though I haven’t updated on there in years. And, really, that’s what motivates me to write.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. I love putting ideas to paper and expressing myself the only way I know how. It’s one of the few things that I can turn to, when I feel an array of emotions that I don’t quite know how to confront. But to know that someone other than me enjoys what I do…It’s a reward all on its own. I appreciate every comment, every person who says that they love the fanfiction I published. And I’m not just saying that—I really do mean it.

When I got to my junior year, they wanted us to know what we wanted to do with our lives. I wanted to write. I didn’t care what it was—if it was fiction, nonfiction, technical writing. I didn’t care. Writing is oxygen for me. I can’t live without it. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t write anymore.

That same year, I had taken a bit of a break from writing fanfictions. I’d focused more on original stories, creating a world that no one else had ever thought of. I never finished anything—I never really do. My mind kept bouncing from topic to topic and refused to stay in one place for too long. I landed on an idea that I haven’t been shaken off of yet. It’s a story about magic, and it’s still in the planning stages so I don’t want to talk about it too much, but I think this is the story that I’ll finish.

Around that same time, my friend forced Why Don’t We on me. She made me listen to their music every time we were together, and we were together a lot. She sent me pics of them, videos, and everything else imaginable. That started back in either April or May, and I eventually joined the fandom in August. That’s when I started this blog and I think know I’ve said this a lot, but I wasn’t planning on keeping this blog. I expected myself to delete bessonbitch within a week of creating it.

Then, for the first time in a long time, I started writing fanfiction. I saw very few Corbyn fics on here, so I made a songfic of When She Loved Me. It’s a song from Toy Story 2, and I actually cry when I listen to it. It’s actually pretty pathetic to see someone who’s almost an adult cry like a baby while listening to this song, but I digress. Anyways, when I was writing the fic, I had tears streaming down my face and I didn’t know have the first clue where I was going with the story. I was in what my psychology professor calls “flow”, which is kind of where I’m so focused on a task that the world melts around me and I do my best work. I don’t notice how much time has passed. I wasn’t quite aware of what I’m doing. It’s something everyone can get to, but it’s really hard to figure out what puts you so the in the moment that nothing else matters. I hadn’t been in the flow in a very long time, and I didn’t realize what I was doing until I’d already hit the publish button. I was so in the moment that I don’t even remember tagging the fic, or even figuring out what the word count was.

All of a sudden, I had fifty followers. Then a hundred. Then two, three, four hundred. I’m almost to five hundred (499 as of 4:57pm!!!), and I have no idea why you guys like what I do so much. And I’m not just saying that—I really don’t understand why you like me. I’m not the best at what I do—half the time, I’m not even posting my best work on here. I know I can do better, but you guys still like it. You still like and reblog and add little comments that actually make my day better.

I don’t talk to most of you guys. I don’t talk to any of you, really. There’s only two people that I actually talk to on here. But I notice all of you. I see you when I’m at school and I just get a spam of likes. I see you when check my phone in the middle of the night and you’ve reblogged a fic that I’m convinced turned out to be shit. I see you and I want to talk to all of you, to be friends with all of you, but I don’t know how. There’s only two people I talk to frequently, and one of them I’ve known for four years and the other one initiated the friendship. But even though I don’t talk to most of you, I love you all the same.

I said earlier that I don’t always post my best work on here. That wasn’t just me being insecure or something. I know I can do better, but I’m not always motivated to it. I know that I can make the beginning better. I know I can make the ending better. I know I can make the actual plot better. But, for whatever reason, I can’t convince myself to do my absolute best work. There’s a lot of times where I feel like the imagines I’m posting are absolute crap. But you guys always like them, and I don’t know why.

When I first got back into writing, I didn’t feel confident in what I was doing. I had spent so long out of practice that I didn’t have the first clue where to begin with writing. It took years for me to finally feel comfortable in my writing. There are still times that I don’t feel comfortable at all. When I publish an imagine, I freak out. I care a little too much about what you guys think of my work. I know I probably shouldn’t, but after you’re made to feel like crap for something you love to do, it’s hard to get to a place where you don’t worry what people think. That’s why I have to schedule my imagines to be posted. I can’t just hit the publish button after I finish writing. It freaks me out waaay too much to do that. So, if you send me a request, and it seems like it takes me forever to publish it, that’s why. I will do every request, but they won’t be up as soon as you probably want. (If you’re interested in what my schedule is, I will post an imagine every three days.) 

Thank you for everything you guys have done. Thank you for following me, thank you for liking and reblogging and adding little comments to every imagine I publish. I appreciate everything you guys do. Thank you for dealing with me. Thank you for being amazing.

I love all of you. I love all of you so so so so so much. I don’t think you guys understand how much y’all mean to me. I love you. Honestly, I don’t know what else to say except I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. I know I don’t talk to everyone, and I hate that I don’t talk to more of you. But please please know that I appreciate every interaction you’ve ever made with my blog.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Love,

Kayla Porter

This was something I added in the video I was going to upload with this, but because I couldn’t do that, here are my social links in case anyone wants to follow and/or talk to me:

Instagram: @/writingactually

Twitter: @/writingactually

Snapchat: @/thewallflower7

Wattpad: @/zukosprincess

:)))