#hair restoration best hospital

[avonne-writes]

Happiness, you’re a cat

A HS AU one-shot inspired by @alienoresimagines 's post

I'll probably post this on AO3 tomorrow. Edit: posted on AO3

1.

Bucky hates hospitals. The sterile smell, all the sick and dying people, back-breaking waiting room chairs. Thankfully, he has never had to stay in one overnight, but he did hit his head in a goal post once when he was ten, and his mom spent hours in the ER with him to get his concussion looked at. It was just after his dad left. What a miserable fucking time.

Unsurprisingly, he isn't keen to go back there anytime soon.

He feels like he might have to though, because at the rate things are going, they’re gonna have to amputate his right arm. A few months ago, Brady showed him a gory Reddit thread about a guy who, apparently, fell asleep in the lotus pose and his legs got so fucking wrecked that they had to cut them off. The pose restricted his blood flow or something and they couldn't restore it. He can’t remember how long the man was contorted like that. What's the point of no return?

His elementary school teacher used to tell his mom that Bucky would do crazy things for the people he liked. Well, she must have been right because Bucky's going to risk his arm just to let Gale sleep for an hour longer.

Gale. Gale, Gale, Gale.

Bucky's heart skips a beat every time he lets himself stop for a moment and think about things. Happiness floods his chest and makes his limbs thrum with excited energy. Three of them. His right arm is currently fighting for its life, crushed under Gale’s curled up body. But he puts the pins and needles out of his mind and concentrates on the positives.

Gale has been his boyfriend for a whole month now. A month! Bucky's longest relationship so far lasted three. He doesn’t let himself think about the fact that this means that they may be past one third of their time together. He can’t think about that or he’ll get anxious. Who knows, perhaps they'll stay together forever. It was their one-month anniversary today - Gale said it was stupid to call it anniversary because the word literally comes from "year" in Latin, but he did accept Bucky's invitation to watch a movie with him in Bucky's room.

Since Gale is a total movie nerd, Bucky was looking forward to showing him Moneyball, but Gale pillowed his head on Bucky’s chest and fell asleep ten minutes in. The movie is at two thirds now, and Bucky's arm is on fire from being pinned so long.

He doesn’t care.

He turns his head to look at Gale the best he can, and he knows that all the pain is worth it a thousand times over. So close that his eyes can’t focus, he sees the slope of Gale's nose, his long, pale eyelashes and the soft, parted lips he spent an hour kissing yesterday. Bucky has never had anyone sleep on him before. It’s the most amazing, comforting feeling he has ever experienced. They breathe together. Gale's body is warm against his, and his arm draped across Bucky's torso fills Bucky's stomach with butterflies. God, he wants to reach out and stroke it. There are small moles sprinkled on it. There’s one on the heel of Gale's palm, and he’s aching to pull it to his mouth and kiss it.

Ah, why is he such a loser? Gale is right here in his arms, in his bed, and he’s still in pain because he wants more and he knows it's too much and his crush is so bad, so... ugh, it's fucking embarrassing. Bucky flushes hot and cold, then hot again. Happy in his misery.

He'd feel it if his arm was beyond saving, wouldn’t he? Or, technically, he wouldn’t feel it. That would be the sign, he thinks. Prickling pain is good.

Gale told him he had trouble sleeping lately. What's a better anniversary present than letting him rest as long as he needs it?

It's a bigger problem that Bucky can’t pay attention to the movie anymore. His senses are entirely consumed by Gale. The weight of him. His blond hair. His smell. Bucky takes a deeper breath, trying to memorize it. If it clings to his clothes, he’s gonna hide them from his mom and sleep with them tonight. Gale is like an angel in his sleep, and he just wants to - to squeeze him tight and never let him go. Man, he needs help...

Unable to resist any longer, he raises his - still alive - left hand and brushes Gale's right with a fingertip. When Gale’s breathing doesn’t change, Bucky smiles to himself and starts tracing the lines of Gale's bones with his index finger, then the divots of his wrist. He draws a J over the back of Gale's hand, then a heart. He’s just about to start a G when the skin shifts under his touch, and Gale’s inhale hitches.

The moment Gale's consciousness returns, he shoots up into a sitting position, lifting all the weight that has been crushing Bucky's arm at once. Bucky whines and sobs dramatically in pain, so much so, that after a moment, Gale starts snickering.

"What are you doing?"

"Pins and needles." Bucky gasps and sits up too, shaking his arm desperately.

Gale rubs his forehead like some middle-aged dad looking at his dumbass kid. Bucky grins in return. He doesn’t know why but he enjoys this. The sight of his smile makes Gale laugh again. His chin-length hair is flat on the side that rested on Bucky’s chest, and there's a blush creeping up his neck.

"Sorry for falling asleep." He says. Bucky can’t look away from the blue of his eyes. He’s hypnotized.

"You can always sleep here."

Gale casts his gaze down, then glances back up, a little shy. "Thanks, Bucky."

"I would've let them amputate it for you." Bucky tells him, holding out his arm.

Gale gives him a look of pained amusement. "Do I even want to know what you're talking about?"

"Brady showed me this thread -" Bucky launches into the story, happy to be able to talk to Gale again after more than an hour of silence. Gale listens to him attentively, and when he slips his hand into Bucky's, Bucky's suddenly aware that none of the nerves died in his palm. They're very much alive and pump giddiness into his veins. Moneyball draws to a climax in the background, forgotten.

~~~

2.

It's 4 p.m., and the bright-hot light of the sun blasts Bucky's face through the window of their apartment. He’s lying on his back in their bed, and Gale is asleep in his embrace, his head resting on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky's arm tingles with pinprickles of pain. Volume so low it's almost muted, a movie drones on in their TV.

It's Moneyball again.

The irony isn’t lost on Bucky. Every single time he tried to watch this thing with Gale in the six years they’ve been together, Gale fell asleep. Every. Single. Time. He’s starting to think it’s some sort of message he's supposed to understand. John, stop making me watch baseball films and footage. Or, John, I have a Pavlovian reflex to nod off as soon as I hear the word baseball. He can hear these things in Gale's voice, although Gale would never say them, only Bucky would if he did an impression of Gale. It would make Gale laugh, so Bucky grins up at the ceiling just imagining it.

Fuck, his arm hurts like a bitch. And the sun feels like fingers made of light trying to pry his eyes open. His t-shirt is growing damp with sweat at the collar. Over his head, with some effort, he manages to grab Gale's actual pillow, the one Gale discarded in favour of Bucky's chest. Bucky puts it on his own face to block out the light and tries to fall asleep too.

This exam period has been a real clusterfuck. He was on coffee 24/7, would have walked around with an IV drip of the stuff if he could, just to push through. Gale simply reverted to his antisocial insomniac persona, and they decided by mutual silent agreement not to even try to touch each other until it was over.

It's done and dealt with now. Grades added in their college accounts, pat on the head received gracefully by Gale for being the only one who passed Applied Nuclear Physics on the first try. Obligatory Let's get wasted! party attended two days ago, call with Mom suffered through hungover yesterday. Now, there's nothing else on Bucky’s agenda but sleep for 48 hours straight. And making Gale watch Moneyball.

He's gonna make him do it before they get married, he swears.

Gale is so tired that he’s sleeping with his mouth open. Bucky can tell. It doesn’t take a genius, given the suspicious damp spot he feels on his shirt. He doesn’t mind a bit of drool. Or a lot. He’s gonna let Gale sleep as long as he needs.

But by God, his arm feels like it’s gonna skip the whole amputation step and just fall right off. He yawns against the pillow on his face and tries to take his mind off it.

He can smell Gale's scent on the fabric, he notes happily. Gale's left leg is tangled with his own, Gale's once icy foot tucked against his calf, now warmed by Bucky's heat. You have the coldest feet in the whole fucking galaxy, he informed Gale a few weeks ago, sitting on the couch with Gale's legs on his lap. Gale just pressed one of those feet to the tender skin of Bucky’s inner thigh, half inside his shorts, and told Bucky to guess the size of the Milky Way or lose a piece of clothing.

There's a reason why Bucky isn't the one planning to be an Astrophysicist...

He wonders what it’s going to be like once they graduate. His heart skips a beat. Does Gale hope for the same things he does? They've talked about marriage in the abstract, playing around with the fantasy of it for a bit, but it's not a fantasy anymore. It’s within reach, Bucky can feel it. And that suddenly makes his hopes so much harder to share - he’s scared of losing them all on a mistake.

But now that their exams are done, it can occupy all his thoughts again.

It's time. Anticipation thrums through his bones. He has been aching for it long enough. He’s got the ring. All he needs to do is ask.

Drifting between daydreams and reality, he reaches for Gale’s hand on his abdomen. He traces his knuckles with his thumb and lingers on his bare ring finger, lost in thought.

When Gale pulls in a sharper breath, he shifts his touch to Gale's wrist.

Gale groans and lifts his head away from the wet spot on Bucky’s shirt. Blood flows rapidly back to Bucky's arm and makes him grunt in pain. He tries to shake the pins and needles out of his limb, while Gale just climbs over him like some lazy cat and collapses on his other side. He takes up the same pose he had before, just mirrored, but upon noticing the pillow on Bucky’s head, he nuzzles his way closer until both of their faces are covered by it. They're pressed so close together that the tip of Bucky's nose brushes Gale's cheek.

"We've blinds." He mumbles.

Gale hums and falls back asleep. Bucky’s arm lies squished under him. Moneyball stays on until the end credits roll down.

[sunnyferr]

"The characters from Naruto realizing they're in love."

Hello, this is my first headcanon! Please bear with me as I'm not very fluent in English, but I'll do my best <3

Characters: Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru

The first thoughts towards you were something like "She's too nice of a girl!" because you were kind and quite fun, to be honest! I spent most of my time with you. If we weren't training, we were eating ramen at Ichiraku, and if we weren't eating, we were bothering Tsunade or Sakura.

Spending time with you became a habit in our afternoons, mornings, and nights. There were times when you went on missions for almost a whole week. Strangely, I felt empty without you. After all, you were my teammate and best friend, right?

Well... not entirely. I loved you, but I just thought it was another teenage crush like the one with Sakura. But it wasn't really like that. I felt a connection for a long time. The fear of rejection was the real issue...

The day I accepted loving you was the day you almost lost your life facing some ninjas from the Sound Village. You came back badly wounded. Seeing that scene, I felt something break inside me. I didn't want to see you harmed, I wanted to protect you.

When you came out of the hospital, with your hands bandaged and a few scratches here and there, I was waiting for you at the door. Upon seeing me, you asked what I was doing there. I invited you to eat ramen, thinking it would ease any pain you were feeling at that moment. We walked slowly to Ichiraku, sat down, and ate almost until bursting. Both of us satisfied, you put money on the table, but I placed a sum higher than yours. You looked at me strangely, "I'll pay, y/n-chan..." You vehemently refused, trying to pay yourself. Ichiraku and its daughter watched amusedly, the argument was small, like when we argued as kids. After some back and forth, we split the bill evenly, and we left the food stall. I walked you home, we talked about everything, but little by little I felt our hands brushing more than usual. Suddenly, I stopped and stood in front of you, uttering the words that had been longing to come out of my mouth.

"These past few days have been the best since you've been with me. I would like to always be by your side... I ask you, please, to be my girl until the end of time. I promise I'll always protect you! Dattebayo!"

Quite challenging, honestly. He's like a stone, shows you NOTHING, I'd even believe a stone could show more affection than him. The first thought he had of you was a 'hmph...' and NOTHING ELSE.

But that changes when he sees you train. He sees you as a strong and powerful woman, trying to move forward and continue training with a fixed goal in mind. He adores that his partner has a fixed goal and strives to achieve it (as he does, actually).

He wants a partner who fights alongside him, not someone he has to rescue from every problem they encounter. And when he noticed how independent and resourceful you were, he fell for you like nobody else.

At first, it was hard for him to accept that he was utterly lost in your presence as the Alpha Female, given that his pride is bigger than his body. But he wanted you to be with him as his future wife and to restore the clan with you (😏).

He took you by surprise, seeing him at the window of your house, leaning on the frame. The moonlight illuminated the room, and the curtains danced in an infinite seeming dance. Sasuke had left the village a long time ago, but he visited you almost every day, and you never knew the exact reason, but you almost expected him every day. 'What are you doing here? I thought you had an important mission tonight!' you said, snapping out of the surprise that the dark-haired boy had given you. He stepped away from the window frame and approached you slowly, taking your hands delicately. His hands were very cold compared to yours, which radiated a warm embrace. He sighed and spat out the words that had been stuck in his chest:

"I need to be by your side. It makes me feel calm with myself. Right now, I'm giving you the opportunity to escape together and restore my clan... both of us, together."

(my baby❤️)

He is the true "mastermind" (Taylor reference). Since he realized his love for you, he began to play with your mind little by little so that you would fall into his love trap.

I know he seems like a lazy guy who doesn't care about anything (which he actually is), but when he felt the direct hit to his heart, he realized he couldn't let you slip away from him.

"How annoying you are, I guess I'll have to accompany you so you don't get lost, right?" It seems like you're forcing him to accompany you, right? NO, he indirectly offered to take you to Training Ground Number 5 (even though you knew perfectly well where it was).

He would make all the dominoes fall perfectly in his favor, and he knew that you also felt something strong for him (Ino, the gossip, never tell him about your loves again).

You arrived at the gates of the village; you had been away for a few days on an important mission, with an important scroll in your hands. At the entrance, the boy with eyes as dark as night was waiting for you. He greeted you as usual, teasing you about being too slow. He always made silly jokes because he knew it annoyed you a little, but it was funny to see you like that. He offered to carry the scroll together, and you accepted. You walked together to the Hokage's tower, and before entering Tsunade's office, a hand on your wrist stopped you.

"Lately... you've been more annoying than usual... you never leave my mind, and the clouds I see every day. I need to confess to you that I don't want you to be just annoying in my dreams, but also by my side. What do you say?"

[j0kers-light]

Dear Chaos, sorry I've been so absent lately. A lot has been happening lately but I just wanted to say that the latest HL chapter is just perfection🫶

I do have another idea for a request. What if HL got in a car accident while on the phone with J? He goes out to find her but she is not at the scene anymore. Maybe because she was taken to the hospital or taken hostage by two face.

No rush my love, take all the time you need. You're the best!

His Lighthouse: Broken Promises (LedgerJoker x f!reader)

Broken Promises - Oneshot

KEEP IN MIND THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER UPDATE!

Hey hi @darthjokerisyourfather 🖤✨

Never apologize for living your life! I should apologize for this crappy title. I don't like it. 🙃 I thank you so much for requesting this! You always manage to pull me out of my writer's block with your beautiful imagination! I also thank you for your patience and your kindness. Just how long did you wait for this? 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖 ugh, please don't hate me love! *dodges flying tomatoes*

Chaos loves you and hopes that you enjoy! If not, you know I can go back to the drawing board and try again!

More importantly, If you wish to be a part of the His Lighthouse taglist, do let me know via comment, ask, or a quick direct message!

Joker must have forgotten. That was the only explanation you had for his absence. 

You sat in a fancy Gotham City restaurant trying not to let the pitiful glares bother you. The low murmurs of surrounding conversations and the constant clinking of chinaware did nothing to block the embarrassment you felt.  

A giant red, ‘I got stood up’ sign was painted on your forehead. The mocking snickers and pitiful looks became more obvious as time passed.  

You wanted to keep a glimmer of hope that Joker was coming, yet you sat alone at the table, nursing your favorite drink and eating too much bread to be considered healthy.  

During the second, or maybe the third basket, you came to the heartbreaking conclusion. 

Joker forgot about the date that HE organized.  

Why were you not surprised? This was Joker after all and unfortunately, this had become the norm as of late.  

You flicked breadcrumbs from your fingers before smoothing your dress down for the umpteenth time. There were probably noticeable wrinkles with how much you clenched the fabric throughout the evening. More importantly, you hated that you got all dolled up for nothing.  

The formfitting dress in your favorite color was brand new and you spent countless hours taming your natural hair into a new hairstyle to compliment your outfit.  

Your curls were defined and voluminous framing your face and pretty jewelry adorned your skin helped complete the look.  

Just thinking about the time and energy you wasted for this failure of a date made you tear up until you remembered your mascara was not waterproof. You refused to let your emotions get the better of you in public. It was already humiliating enough and a gorgeous blonde two tables away kept rubbing in your embarrassment with her sharp red lips curling into a smirk every time she laughed. 

You would bet a penny she was a true mean girl back in high school.  

You didn’t want to wallow in this misery any longer. Joker was obviously not coming, so it was time for you to leave.  

Maybe on the way home you could pick up some ice cream and perform some self-care to restore your mood. A nice warm bath with candles and a good playlist in the background would clear up the disappointment you felt.  

Oh, but leaving would take a herculean effort. You would have to put on a brave face and walk out with the entire restaurant staring at you. Alone.  

The things Joker put you through.  

You cleared your throat and plastered a fake confident smile on your face to flag down the waiter. She was already on standby. Bless her. She kept your glass following throughout the night and she didn’t judge you with each basket of bread delivered to your table. 

She been in the industry long enough to know you were stood up. It broke her heart to see you, a beautiful woman, plagued by a man and his ignorance. She and a few other waiters would foot your bill. It was the least they could do to help a fellow sister in need. 

The world needed more girls like her in it. Her supportive smile gave you the energy to stand up tall as you walked out.  

But the second you got into the driver’s seat of your SUV, the floodgates opened with no end in sight. Screw your makeup, you were holding this sob fest in for hours.  

You probably looked a hot mess crying in the car but more than anything, you were mad at Joker for not keeping his promise. Again.  

It wouldn’t be as heartbreaking if this was the first time he left you hanging. Oh no, this was a reoccurring issue.  

You were so tired of being treated like the middle child. Joker needed hear about this. It was his fault you were feeling miserable. 

Deep down, you just wanted to hear his voice. Maybe this was all some big misunderstanding!  

Despite arriving at the restaurant ten minute early, (and triple checking to make sure it was the correct one) perhaps you were in the wrong and not Joker. Any and all excuses floated inside your head to cut Joker some slack. Because if he was truly at fault, then your heart would simply shatter. 

You temporarily stopped the waterworks to find your phone and dial a number you knew by heart. It rang until Joker’s raspy voice reached your ears. “Heyy Bunny. What a uhh unexpected surprise!”  

His words made your heart develop a stress crack. You choked back a sob and Joker instantly heard it. “Bun what’s wrong?” 

“D-Did you forget about tonight?” You glanced out the window as a few cars passed by. 

“Uhhhh.. tonight?” Joker mumbled the word over and over trying to jog his memory.  

You didn’t know if he was making fun of you or if he genuinely couldn’t recall. Either way, you were fed up. “Our date night! The one that you made reservations for!” you sobbed. 

“Oh. That. I err.. lost track of time.” You couldn’t take it anymore. Joker’s nonchalant tone was your tipping point.  

“Light, are ya still there?” He asked when you didn’t reply. When you did, you had plenty to say. 

“Lost track of time? You? Lost track of... please tell me you are joking? I sat at our table for two hours waiting for you! Everyone made fun of me for being stood up while you lost track of time!”  

“Aww don’t cryy! I can be there in—” 

Your tone was sharp and firm, “Don’t bother Joker.” you started the SUV as you put your seatbelt on with your other hand. “I’m going home.”  

There was a brief delay in the phone signal as it connected to the car’s system, but you still heard Joker’s string of no’s. “Let me make it up to ya!”  

He really thought you would give him another chance? Your lips silently recited the apologizes that oozed from Joker’s lips like oil. 

“Tonight was supposed to be you making up for ditching me last week or have you forgotten? Urgh! You keep putting me off J, and it isn’t fair!”  

You pulled the car into drive and exited the car park. Joker hated to hear your accusations, but you were right.  

His line of work had recently picked up and every time he made plans with you, they were delayed or flat out cancelled to make way for something more nefarious.  

He was putting work over you, something he vowed never to do. That did not mean he would tolerate you talking back to him like you were. “Y/n, I am—” 

“Save it Joker! Your apologies mean nothing when your actions don’t follow suit.” He heard your blinker on in the background as he tried to make amends.

It wasn’t good to be driving in your current emotional state and trying to tell you what to do would only stir up more attitude from you. 

It was worth a try. He could deal with a bratty bunny later.  

“Doll, can ya pull over so we can talK about thiss? I can uhh, meet up with ya and we can do something. Just. Us.” 

That was new.  

You pondered the suggestion for a second and began turning onto a deserted backroad. It would take you straight to your apartment in a fraction of the time it would take driving on the highway. “No, Joker, I’m done listening to—” 

The unnatural sound of metal clashing and scraping against metal violently pierced through the phone’s speakers and cut you off mid sentence.  

It twisted loudly, making horrifying cracks and pops that lasted for ages—when it was just a matter of seconds. Joker’s keen ear knew what was occurring, but it didn’t seem real.  

These things shouldn’t happen to his Light. Joker made sure your vehicle was military grade. Nothing should have been able to topple it over, much less allow it to roll twice. He just sat helplessly, listening to the impossible unfold.  

As the metal settled, the phone called continued in eerie silence. Then he waited and waited, hoping this to be nothing but a dream.  

Maybe it was another car and you were stunned into silence. The only downside, he couldn’t hear you breathing.  

“Bunny. B-Bun? No… m-my Light? Y/n?” 

Joker used every nickname he had for you but none provoked a response. So, Joker flat out started to beg. “Y/n.. please..  

His pleas died out the moment he heard a new sound. Footsteps on broken glass. Two sets at that which were approaching to wherever your phone was tossed.  

“F__k, did you have to ram her so hard? The boss wants her alive remember? See, she’s unconscious!” A gruff voice said.  

Joker honed in on the voice like a bloodhound and narrowed his eyes when another person spoke up with a much thicker Gotham accent.  

“Even better for us. Grab her feet, I’ll get her shoulders. N’hurry up before someone comes.” 

“Don’t rush me! Agh, I can’t get a good grip, she’s all bloody!” 

Joker’s heart plummeted to his stomach. You were more injured that he thought. His mind already started to visualize the worst scenario imaginable.  

The two men continued to bicker although Joker tuned out their useless chatter. He didn’t want to believe what he just heard.  

Two men deliberately rammed you off the road. Gotham City was vast and Joker had many enemies both local and abroad. Narrowing down exactly who did this would be impossible, although he had a clue who the culprit was.  

Joker was still in lala land when Frost cleared his throat.  

He didn’t care about J taking a call during the meeting, but he could tell something wasn’t right. Joker had frozen up like a statue halfway through and it took Frost kicking J’s chair to snap the clown out of whatever rabbit hole he fell in.  

Before Frost could speak, J beat him to it. “Track B’s car. I need a location, now.”  

The room went silent at the shaky tone Joker used. He could care less about showing weakness in front of his men. He would worry about optics later.  

Right now, you were the only constant on his mind.  

Frost didn’t ask for context; he did what he was told and seconds later, he voiced his findings to the room.

“That’s weird.” He tapped the keyboard again to get more accurate data. “It's on the stretch of Kane St, idle and with the engine off.” 

He looked up into the turbulent waves that made up Joker’s eyes. No words were needed. This was a full-on Nightfall procedure. You were in danger.  

Frost hoped that whoever hurt you had enjoyed their life because the wrath of Joker was coming to reap their soul.  

Not a word was spoken when the four men arrived at the scene.  

All that was left of your vehicle was a mangled wreckage still smoldering in the dead of night. Frost sought out to find any evidence while Neo and Mac took pictures. Joker was like a ghost watching it all unfold.  

He found one of your shoes lying nearby and picked it up with shaky hands.  

It was new with hardly any scuff marks on its lacquered surface despite the crash. He could only imagine the outfit you paired with the designer heel.  

That thought racked him with guilt.  

If only he made time to see you tonight and shielded you from this avoidable fate.  

How could he blow off something so precious as spending time with his Light? Work was never more important than you and Joker was faced with the consequences of not cherishing you while he had the chance.  

He had to get you back and treat you like the goddess you were.  

“Hey Boss, we found something!”  

Joker snapped himself out of his thoughts and walked over to Mac who was holding up something. A hastily written note signed off by Two Face’s gang logo. Joker was right to assume the former attorney had a hand in this.  

“Its Two Face. When do you want to retaliate, Boss?” Neo asked.  

All four men shared a look. What a loaded question. They would act now and show no mercy. Each of them would do whatever it took to get you back safe and sound.  

You woke up with a splitting headache and parched throat. Oh, and you were tied up in some dingy room.  

Honestly, you had to stop winding up in these types of situations. Ever since Joker entered your life, being kidnapped was always a possibility you had to consider occurring.  

Today just happened to be your unlucky day.  

Calming down your heart rate and taking in your surroundings took a bit of effort. It hurt to move your head, and you grumbled under your breath while trying to blink away the unwanted inertia. 

Someone was smart enough to keep you lying down, but you couldn’t move your arms or legs. Not like you wanted to. 

You were still coming to when a presence made themselves known with their loud voice. It made your head pound even worse.  

“Good, good! You’re finally awake. You are very hard to get a hold of, my dear. Always protected. Never alone..”  

You managed to turn your head enough to see Harvey Dent pacing the room, talking to himself. His alter ego, Two Face was currently talking and you heard the not so pleasant choice of words he used regarding you.  

He had quite the colorful vocabulary and it was obvious out of the two men who held a grudge against you. When he noticed your curious eyes on him, he smiled wide.  

Even his voice changed with the change in personalities.

This one was gravelly to match Dent’s grotesque burned face. “I’ve been dying to prosecute you in the court of law.” 

You did not have the mental capacity to argue with a schizophrenic psychopath. All your energy was spent on closing your eyes to block out the headache wreaking havoc on your skull. You didn’t care if you were being rude.  

It was rude to crash into people’s cars and forcibly take them to undisclosed locations so... You were matching Dent’s energy.  

‘Not today, Satan. Not today’ you mentally said.  

Or perhaps you said it aloud since you heard Harvey’s aggravated shouts followed by something being knocked over and breaking.

It seemed that even grown men could throw temper tantrums. That was not your problem. Your problem was trying to stay awake.

You were beginning to suspect you had a concussion, or worse, some kind of neck injury. The last thing you were going to receive was medical attention, so lying still was your best bet until help arrived.  

That thought put a frown on your face. You could not rely on Joker nowadays. 

Would he even notice that you were gone? You abruptly hung up the phone mid argument; he probably disregarded you and became distracted by something more important.  

A time ago, you were the only thing important to Joker. Everything else was secondary. My, have things changed.  

Now you wished that Joker would become the possessive lover you knew him to be and come save you.  

You were certain that he placed a tracker in your lighthouse necklace.. the one you removed since it clashed with your outfit for the night.  

Great. The one time you took it off!  

You felt like such an idiot despite all of this being Joker’s fault. If only he cared more, he would’ve been with you tonight to avoid this. Now you were at the mercy of Two Face and whatever motive he made up to justify abducting you.  

There was nothing you could do to escape your current predicament.  

You were just upset and disappointed in Joker, and with that, you let a single tear slip down your cheek as you fell unconscious.  

The next time you came to, you didn’t bother opening your eyes. You just groaned in defeat and let whoever pick you up and carry you off. And that was probably for the best.  

Unbeknownst to you, it was a literal war zone.  

If you did in fact open your eyes, the carnage that Joker created to rescue you, would have scared you back to sleep. You would declare Joker a monster after seeing just how far he would go for his Bunny.  

Any other day he would deny his true nature, all for the sake of being worthy enough to bask in your light. Tonight, he had no such compulsion. 

He had no shame in carrying his Light while being drenched in blood. He was a fallen angel personified.  

Even as Joker rounded a corner to leave, he helped a man take their last breath by lodging a bullet between their eyes. Quick and efficient, the punishment did not befit the crime of touching what Joker considered as his.  

The two men who initially rammed you off the road got off lucky.  

Joker struck a one-time deal with the Penguin to use the massive great white shark the Englishman kept locked up in a tank underneath the Iceberg Lounge. It was a natural garbage disposal and Joker had two pieces of trash he wanted to get rid of.  

Joker thought being fed to sharks was tame compared to the ideas still swimming in his head.  

His dark smile sent shivers down the backs of his own men and they wisely avoided their eyes as Joker passed. No one was safe from the murderous gleam in J’s eyes.  

That is, all but one. You.  

He was a completely different person tonight. The slaughter was personal, the attacks more brutal and practically inhumane, and it was all done to avenge his goddess.  

Joker was out for blood, and he most certainly collected it.  

He held your slumbering body close as he ordered Mac to detonate the bomb and reduce the building to rubble. If anyone was lucky enough to escape Joker’s initial siege into the building, there was no hope of survival now.  

Just the way he planned it.  

A shame Harvey got an anonymous tip and fled before Joker arrived. J would have loved to see the other side of Dent’s face burn to a crisp for touching his Light.  

Speaking of. Joker’s haunting green eyes looked away from the blazing inferno and down at his sleeping beauty.  

There were minor cuts and bruising forming from being caught up in your car crash, yet he was more worried about the dried blood ruining your once pristine hair.  

Your beautiful features were marred by pain that Joker could have prevented. You needed medical attention and some good old-fashioned love and affection.  

And just like that, all of Joker’s bloodlust was extinguished to devote his attention onto you.  

He had weeks of apologizing to do to earn your trust and love back, but for now, he needed you back in good health.  

Joker softly kissed your forehead and let his goons drive him to the nearest safe house where Sarai would have a look at you.  

It was high time that Joker re-appointed you back as the most important thing in his life, and it started with showing that he cared about you and only you.  

[sepublic]

Shoutout to my obscure faves, the Demon Hunters; I like how they're objectively pretty terrible people, attempting to steal someone's home and kill their house demon and kids for it.

But at the same time, Eye Patch is seen rooting for Eda's escape from the petrification ceremony because solidarity, and is later chill with the protagonists during the Bonesborough Brawl.

The BATTs rescue Good Hair from the covenscouts (because solidarity), which is obviously framed as a good thing. Good Hair joining a coven anyway out of fear, and her near-death from the draining ritual, a bad thing. Prim became a friend to Eda at some point and her joining a coven was also tragic.

My point being: They don't have to be perfect victims to not deserve genocide, the demon hunters don't deserve to be persecuted for unjust reasons. The people of the isles as a whole don't have to be morally perfect to not deserve genocide; Lilith did some terrible things but her abuse in the coven was unjust, as another example. As an individual, Adegast was a jerk who had it coming by people he actually wronged, and acted independently of the coven; But to judge an entire group for that is inherently absurd.

This is also why I love Boscha having her moment in For the Future, because unlike other characters, we've seen her be pretty awful, fully of her own volition and enjoyment without anyone really forcing her to, even advising against it in Amity's case. We know Boscha had no excuse for the stuff she did prior to meeting Kikimora; And indeed, she still managed to become leader of Hexside before that, and one could say her listening to Kiki's tyranny was kind of the natural evolution of Boscha's own bullying and obsession with domination.

But not being a perfect victim doesn't change the fact that she IS a victim in this situation, she's a minor with no other adults to rely on, being manipulated by an adult who is fully okay with murdering kids and has learned abuse from the best. And I think that's a good lesson for kids watching who DID do some bad things and might regret it, or question if they 'deserve' to get better because of that; But they want to, so they can and should!

This and the Demon Hunters means that for whatever conflict people might have, they definitely have a vested interest in protecting one another from a bigoted state, even if not from each other haha. There's not really a scene where an antagonist gets their comeuppance by being arrested, because if they were already targeted by the state for unjust reasons, then this would just validate its tyranny. Fittingly, the prison we see in Latissa is replaced by a hospital, which encapsulates the shift from retributive to restorative justice here.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Ruin requests??? Anything w/ ruined Roxy x reader please I need to clean her up and make her feel better my wife is so sad :(((

NAH FR I'm devastated for her </33

[RUIN SPOILERS AHEAD]

.......

You don't know how you did it.

You don't know how you managed to reach Cassie and Roxanne deep within the bowels of the Mega Pizzaplex and destroy...whatever mechanical abomination was lying there.

But none of that mattered right now, as there's only one important thing sitting in front of you at this very moment:

The heavily damaged wolf animatronic, currently in a deactivated state as she was recharging power.

You did your best to clean off whatever grease, charcoal, or dirt you can find on the remnants of her suit. However given her lack of any exterior shelling, you focused mainly on her endoskeleton.

A dozen rags and special cleaners later...she was already looking better than before.

You took extra care when cleaning her hair--the part of herself she valued the most aside from her eyes. The last thing you wanted was for her to go into a frenzy in your own garage.

At first you were afraid for Cassie's safety, thinking Roxy was going to attack her like Monty, Chica, and some older Freddy model. But instead the young girl actually led you to her, begging you to save her as she was too scared to lose her "only friend".

That was surprising to hear, though you trusted her and took them both hope, escaping through a tunnel leading to the outside world.

You drove Cassie to the hospital, where she would be staying for a few nights, while you went back home to repair Roxy to the best of your abilities.

Being a former technician had its perks, but even so...you couldn't 100% restore her to her original state. You had no idea how she was even capable of functioning at all, even apparently fighting an animatronic that mimicked Cassie's friend.

Still, you had to try.

For both of their sakes.

Once Roxy was charged fully, you smiled and got up, going to your monitor to complete the process and reactivate her.

--WARNING: ANIMATRONIC SAFETY PROTCOLS REMAIN CRITICALLY DAMAGED. CONTINUE? [Yes/No]--

You huffed in annoyance, going ahead and selecting "yes". There was nothing you could do about those right now. But you hoped she would recognize you before she made any sudden movements.

As soon as you made your choice, the wolf jerked to life, already fighting against the restraints of her chair as she growled and shouted.

"Where am I?! Cassie?! CASSIE?!!" She cried out desperately. "Let me go-!!"

"Roxy! It's me." You spoke up, trying to calm her down as you cautiously approached. "Do you remember me?"

Closing her endo jaws, she fell silent for a moment, trying to recognize your voice. "[Y/n]? My...personal repair technician..? Where are we? Is Cassie okay?"

"You're at my house, far away from the Pizzaplex. Cassie's staying at the hospital for a few nights. She's safe." Relieved, you smiled when her gaze met yours, and you could see her relax in the chair. "I can't believe it...you were down there all this time. I thought you guys were goners. What happened..?"

"It's..all a blur." She muttered, tensing as she felt a cable being removed from the back of her head. "What are you..??"

"It's okay. I had to recharge you and run some diagnostics, so I'm taking the cables out. Keep talking to me, Roxy."

"Did Cassie book her party?"

"...come again?"

"Her birthday.." She looked up at you, ears twitching and rotating. "She didn't have the best time, I tried cheering her up...did you know she's my number one fan?"

"Yes." You nodded as you detached the final cable. Then you helped her stand up and regain her footing. "You've only told me about her a dozen times while I was repairing you."

"I did...? Huh...can we go back to the Pizzaplex when she recovers? We'll throw her the best birthday party ever!" Her tone sounded so hopeful, yet your silence made her frown. "[Y/n]?"

"I'm sorry, Roxy. But the whole mall's condemned. It's not safe anymore" You regrettably reminded her. "I don't know what the hell happened there in the time I was gone, but...it's in ruins. Even if it was somehow magically restored..I don't think Cassie would want to go back there."

Of course, you knew that's not what she wanted to hear, but it was the reality. And you could see her growing more and more distraught.

"..right, I..remember now..but that's it? No more parties or...o-or races to win..? No more sharing carrot cake? No one to tell me I'm beautiful..?" Her voice wavered, but you couldn't tell if it was due to the glitches or genuine emotion.

The robotic sniffle you heard confirmed the latter, and you stepped forward to take her hands into yours. "You're still beautiful, and..I promise when she gets out, we'll go buy all the carrot cake she wants. We'll throw her a party here. One she deserves." You could feel tears pricking your eyes, despite your attempts to smile.

Although you wish it didn't take a tragedy of this scale to change Roxy's personality, you were glad to see this softer side coming out. Her sassiness to other kids and staff members was always there--even towards you--but Cassie is the only one she ever looked out for.

Maybe..they had more in common than they realized.

'She's the reason Roxy didn't go rogue like all the others...she's been fighting tooth and nail to protect this girl..'

"Y-You mean that?"

"Every word." Nodding, you embraced her as she began to cry, oil leaking from her sockets. Her arms eventually found their way around you, and while constricting...you didn't dare to let her go.

Not anytime soon.

Now it's gonna be your turn to protect her.

[randomfoggytiger]

Collector's Edition: Reworking Requiem and Mulder's Return (Part I)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, Requiem. Dear, sweet, why-you-gotta-do-this-to-me, Requiem.

Here are some old school-y AU fics.

Loose chronological order below~

jeri's (mulderscreek)

Whatever It Takes

The Alien Bounty Hunter came to me in a dream. He told me that he knew I was dying; the abductees from Oregon were victims of the same cancer. He told me that he had offered them a deal, and that he would offer me the same deal: I would be abducted. They would gather some tissue samples for tests. Then they would save me.

Of course, I was skeptical....

He told me Scully was pregnant.

Then I woke up.

Requiem: Mulder went willingly, hoping to be cured of brain cancer for his, Scully's, and the baby's sake.

Forte's (Gossamer) Half an Hour

"What's her chart say?" Mulder demands, oblivious to any need for quiet.

Langly gestures toward the nurse's station and scowls. "They've got her chart back there practically under lock and key," he whispers. "We haven't been able to get a look at it. I hacked into their computer system about an hour ago and there was nothing there for her yet except that she was admitted."

Requiem: Mulder corrals Mulder and TLG into good behavior when Scully is unexpectedly hospitalized.

Namarie's (LJ, mulderscreek)

All I Will Remember (mulderscreek)

I hadn't really worried that he would react to this news with anything but happiness, but it feels wonderful, anyway. I am so glad that he's here right now... wherever here is.

Almost as if he has heard this last thought, Mulder sighs and reluctantly lets go of me. "Well, I think we should try to figure out where we are."

Post Requiem: Mulder and Scully wake in the forest, disoriented.

Livia Balaban's Cunegund's Restoration (or, The Best of All Possible Worlds, Really) (1/2) and Cunegund's Restoration (or, The Best of All Possible Worlds, Really) (2/2)

It was all very dramatic, with the sun going down behind the ship, brilliant and gleaming orange behind the slowly lowering cherrypicker....

I camped out at the base of the apparatus, looking up into the ship, trying to learn as much as I could from the ground, but I couldn't see anything. It wasn't until the bucket lowered again that I saw the top of Mulder's head peek out from one edge of the circular opening. As soon as his eyes met mine, he leaned all the way forward, and flashed the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. I forgot completely about the press, or the slight hollowing of his cheeks, or the dark circles under his eyes. All I saw was pure joy.

Post Requiem: Scully, TLG, Skinner, Krycek, and Morris Fletcher all rescue Mulder and the Bellefleur captives-- live, on national tv. Mulder has a surprise for Scully, too; but the little family can't catch a break before more Syndicate drama kicks up.

Meredith's (Tumblr) Brave New World

Her hand gravitated toward the Fruit & Fiber, but stalled inches from the box when an old memory surfaced of Mulder joking about her "nuts and twigs" breakfast. What would Mulder choose? She thought hard, but couldn't come up with anything. She'd never seen him eat cereal. He might not even like cereal.

She tamped down a wave of sadness. She knew him so well, and yet not at all. When she pulled him back to this world, their new lives would be uncharted territory, spent either together or apart. She tried not to admit the latter was a possibility.

Post Requiem: Scully stays within 50 miles of Bellefleur where she works and waits for Mulder's return.

aka Jake/aka 'Jake'/aka_Jake's

So This is Agent Mulder... (Gossamer)

Agent Mulder smells...bad. The odor reminds me of a place I visited years ago, back when I was serving warrants -- a torched animal shelter. You don't forget a stench like that. Burnt hair. Cooked flesh. Animal excrement. The whole building reeked. The same terrible air of death clings to Mulder now and the stink sets my teeth on edge.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned 8 weeks later, determined to leave again to help the Rebels. Doggett, more than anyone, gets it.

Widow Orphan (Gossamer)

"Bill was my second husband." She could see this news surprised him. He nodded, eyebrows rising toward his hairline while she continued. "I married a man, a boy actually, named John Parker when I was seventeen. I married him because I was pregnant. Don't look so shocked, Fox. Unmarried girls get caught all the time."

"I'm not judging."

She leveled a glare at him. You better not be, young man. You've got a little surprise of your own waiting back at home.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned to Maggie's house, insisting she go on the run with him. Turns out, she's rather good at duck-and-diving.

Lara Means's (Ao3) Rescue Mission 01 and Rescue Mission 03 - Comrades

She turns back toward the jet's doorway and extends her hand, then he comes out to join her at the top of the stairs.

Mulder.

Now it's real.

He's thin, too thin. And he looks weak. Scully slides an arm around his waist and he drapes his arm around her shoulder -- he has a cane in his other hand. Together they move slowly down the steps, helping each other.

Post Requiem: Krycek and Scully rescue Mulder from Ellen's Airforce Base.

spookycc's At What Price?

"*What* does he need?" she pushed.

"As I said," Cancerman went on calmly, "Something *we* cannot provide him with."

"Tell me," Scully asserted.

"Something only *you* possess."

Post Requiem: Scully sacrifices her baby to save Mulder's life.

Avalon's In Dreams

She shut the drawer, still holding the picture, and set it on top of the dresser, pulling the little stand out from behind it to prop it up. It looked nice, she thought, sitting there next to the picture of Mulder and Samantha. It looked like it belonged.

Post Requiem: Mulder's psychic childhood friend drops in to help Scully find Mulder.

Jen's (mulderscreek) and Lauren's (mulderscreek) Introspection: Return

Her hands turned to ice at that moment as she greedily drank in the message.

"He's at Georgetown Memorial, Scully, I feel it. We sent Byers to check it out. Hope you're awake to hear this."

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned four months later, chipped. Acting on a hunch, Scully takes hers out, realizing it had, somehow, glitched.

Vulpecula (Vulpecula 01 - 08 and Vulpecula 09 -14) and Phoenicia (Phoenicia 01 - 05)

And then, he's there. His head bobs lightly with his familiar gait, and his eyes seem to be searching for something. For someone?

I start walking toward him, and he turns away from me, still looking. I begin running, and I hear my voice calling out his name. He spins around, his eyes wide with surprise, and then our eyes lock. His face splits into an enormous smile, and he starts running towards me with, I'm sure, the same desperation that I'm feeling.

Post Requiem: Scully limps by with the support of her whole family; and runs into Jose Chung, Phoebe Green, and even Gibson Praise before Mulder's return. When he does, happier endings unfold from there.

Mummy Dearest

Slowly but surely, the bandages were removed. Scully was immeasurably relieved to see his legs again; they were still nicely tanned and scar-free. He was even free of the scar from the bullet that got him all those years ago. Scully thought that was a bit odd, but didn't really care too much.

Post Requiem, Crack: Mulder is returned, wrapped up in bandages.

Lolabeegood's (mulderscreek) Five Months Lost (Gossamer)

"Okay, before that…how did you get here?" she said as she looked him over for strange markings.

"Scully, you're starting to scare m…"

"Mulder!" she snapped.

"Here in the bedroom here?"

"Here in my apartment here!" she snapped.

"I have a key, remember?" Mulder looked at her strangely.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned, five months later, with false memories.

T. Griffen's Faith

All I wanted was to be alone, to grieve and feel ill in the solitude of my apartment, but Mom turned this into the event of the year. A large party was planned for December twenty- third, with every Scully and Harper family member known to man in attendance, and then just the immediate family on Christmas Day.

Post Requiem: Scully trudges along, trying to keep up her faith, while finding surprising sources of support and comfort from her family (and Mulder, after his return.)

Ten's (xffics) A Fuller Canvas

The man in the bed felt his breathing and heart quicken, and not just because of the details filling his mind.

Scully.

He knew who he was and he knew who she was.

And she was pregnant.

Mulder was very glad that he was lying down. It saved a shocked collapse.

Requiem: Mulder is returned 6 months later; and takes a peek before Scully can break her news to him.

Ambress's Tidings

Scully thought she would crack in two when, in the car, Mulder put his head down on her shoulder. She had sat in the back with him without thinking about it. At first, she thought he was asleep, but then she caught the flash of light reflecting off his open eyes in the rearview mirror.

He was watchful, prepared for fight or flight.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned, mute and barely responsive, in a park bathroom. Scully helps coax him back to himself.

Lorri's (mulderscreek) Wait Until Your Father Gets Home and Your Father Came Home (MC) and Your Father's Child (MC)

I call Skinner every hour until he can tell me when Mulder will be home. His plane won't arrive until nearly noon, but I am dressed and waiting for him by 6 a.m. At 7:15 my phone rings again. I answer it and hear a long pause, then "Scully it's me." I feel like I am going to pass out. My arm instantly drops to my belly and I cradle you in an unconscious gesture. Mulder tells me he is on the airplane, on his way home. There are so many things to ask him, but they can all wait. Right at this moment all I can do is savor the sound of my name in his voice. "Hurry," I tell him. "Hurry."

Post Requiem: Scully talks to her baby as the months bleed into one another, Mulder flies home, and her due date fast approaches.

Alcott's Exit

Mulder was in tears now, wrapping his arms tightly around his body, retreating deeper.

...There was no response.

"Listen to me," Byers said, with more firmness than he felt. "Are you listening? If you want to see her, you have to get better first. Do you understand?"

Byers was desperate; he had no idea how he'd arrange him to see her. But the spark in Mulder's dead eyes seemed to make the deception worth it.

Post Requiem: TLG are able to intercept and retrieve a wounded Mulder right before Scully goes into labor. Reluctantly, they figure out a way to work him into the secret plan.

Lee Burwasser's (mulderscreek) Quis Custodiet (1/2) and Quis Custodiet (2/2) (mulderscreek)

At last Langly sat back and angled the laptop to give Mulder a view of it. The rest got up to gather behind the two. There was a crude figure in robes and long hair behind a tall rectangle with a shorter one beside it. Langly did something with the cursor that made the robed figure flash. Mulder looked from the flashing figure to Langly, who made a solemn face and mimed banging with a gavel. Mulder nodded.

...Langly sat down and moved the black-circle figure back to its table. Another figure from the opposite table then moved to take its place. Now Byers got to loom over Frohike and do the bridge guardian routine. When Byers sat down, Langly restored the figures to their places and glanced at Mulder, who nodded and punched the blond's shoulder. Then he looked around, finally went over to Scully's desk and brought the desk calendar back to show to Scully. He riffled the sheets and gave her an eloquently questioning look. Scully spread her hands and tapped the judge figure. Mulder nodded again, shrugged resignation and put the calendar down.

Langly flung up his hands. "Ya got it."

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned with aphasia; and Scully fights tooth and nail to prevent his relative from winning caretaker rights in court.

ML/ML_is_me’s (Ao3, Gossamer, DW, Invidiosa) 

Another Gray Morning, Transfigured Night, Comes the Dawn, and Beloved Protector

"HOW IS SHE?" Mulder repeated loudly. When Skinner didn't reply right away, he added, "What aren't you telling me?"

Then all at once, he *knew*. "Scully had a baby, didn't she?" he said slowly, words and images forming in his mind as he spoke.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned a year later, face first in the dirt. Skinner and TLG find him, and decide to surprise Scully without forewarning.

The Secret Language of Babies

I couldn't even be with her during the delivery.... The best I could do was an audio monitor from the delivery room....

When I heard Will's squall for the first time, I cried. In front of Skinner and everything. I think he was crying, too. He took his glasses off and polished them vigorously, turning away from me as he did so.

When they finally brought Scully and the baby to see me, I cried again. But that was in front of Scully, and she's seen me cry before. I wanted to touch them both so badly I would have broken the thick glass separating us with my own hands. But at the time, I could barely lift my head from the pillow.

Post Requiem: Mulder reminisces on his return, slow recovery, and happy reunion.

Age Cannot Wither and Nor Custom Stale

Washington, DC, is one of the last stops they make before their ultimate destination. All of the usual monuments are there, plus more. The Esplanade and all the other open areas display more statuary and symbolic sculptures and fountains than ever before.

The most meaningful monuments to them are the personal ones. Scully directs Mulder to a small park he remembers from years ago. This is where Melissa Scully is buried, and now so is Margaret Scully. The surprise to him is that Walter Skinner also has a stone nearby.

"He could have been buried at Arlington," Mulder says.

"He wanted to be among friends," Scully replies simply. She wordlessly points out another stone, a small obelisk with three names inscribed on it....

It's not until later that it occurs to Mulder that there is no stone for their son, and by then he's unwilling to bring it up. He can see that this trip is already taking a toll on Scully.

Post Requiem: Scully is immortal-- watching her son grow up, live a life like his father's, grow old, and die-- until Mulder suddenly appears, barely aged, in a Bellefleur hospital.

Invisivellum's (Tumblr) Surreal Thing (MC)

I studied him carefully, letting Scully's words settle down like rain upon me. I knew that, if I stayed silent for a moment, she would explain. I chewed on my lower lip and focused on the baby. He was still trying with all his might to drag my hand closer to his open mouth.

I looked at his eyes.

I blinked, put my finger under his chin and tilted his face up so I could have a better look. He raised fine reddish brows at me and clamped his mouth down on the knuckle of my thumb. Something about his eyes...

I think I stopped breathing.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned 15 months later, waking to Scully and a baby that, he assumes, is another Emily.

mrkeller/Mary Ruth Keller's (FFN) Lux Perpetua

"Don't try to move too fast, you've been unconscious for a week now."

She seemed *more* than content. His partner was distinctly at ease. As more memories flooded back, he seemed to know the reason why. "Motherhood suits you, Scully."

"What?" She had cocked her head at him.

Post Requiem: Mulder returned a year later to no baby, an expanded X-Files office, and Scully promoted as its A.D.

Ellie/EllieL's The Rusted Wheel of Things

Scully pulled away, turning to sit between him and the cocoa, handing him his cup just as four girls, all with hair in braids and bows terribly similar to the dog's stylings, marched into the living room, led by Hannah.

"Mommy, where's the Ouija board?"

Mulder did his best to stifle a laugh, unsure of whether he found their hair or the question funnier. 

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned 7 years later to an adoring little ballerina.

Keleka's Heart Turned Inwards 01 and Heart Turned Inwards 02

"Agent Mulder, I'm Dr. Andrew Scully. I'm the doctor who admitted you."

Mulder was confused for a moment and then realized the mistake. "Oh, I meant Dr. Dana Scully. My partner at the FBI. Is she here?"

Dr. Scully said nothing for a moment and then stepped away to pull the curtain around the bed, offering them some privacy. He pulled up a stool and sat down next to the bed.

Post Requiem: Scully waits 30 years for Mulder-- but he's actually found by his son.

Shoshana's Almost Home (4/4)

Ironically, Mulder hadn't ended up in any medical facility they'd been monitoring; he'd hitchhiked his way to Portland, flying home in a comfortable jet. He'd been shell shocked the entire way home, gazing with disbelief at the date on all the newspapers he could muster.

His worries had been far from over, of course. Life had thrown him another curve ball on top of his seemingly extreme case of amnesia--a red-headed partner three months shy of her due date.

Post Requiem: Mulder is returned with a few handicaps and mild amnesia; but other than that, he makes a recovery in time for quick wedding prep and another Syndicate kidnapping.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[tastefulstars]

Okay but Steve and you and Eddie decide to move into an apartment together because why not? You're all best friends and the rent is cheaper when split three ways.

Its a shitty little thing but you make it work, make it home. And it's easy, the three of you living together.

You cook for them, you all need better food than just frozen pizzas all the time and fine, I'll make us dinner if you two clean up, so you do - each night is something new and delicious and healthy. You find yourself enjoying it, experimenting and trying new dishes. Pride always making your chest expand and head light when they lavish you with praise as they eat, insisting that no, this is the best one yet.

Eddie and Steve help do chores and find themselves looking forward to Saturday mornings when you all get up early and put music on and clean and tidy and do laundry. It's all so domestic but......... they feel at home and wanted and that they belong, here in this little shitty apartment with you.

Each of you have your little 'oh,,,im in love with them' moments.

Eddie's is when he's working on his campaign, the hellflire club still going even though the majority of them have graduated. The group gather at the apartment once a month, filling in and there is too many people and their set ups spill over the table and floor and kitchen bench. He's writing notes, talking to himself and trying to come up with ideas on where to take the campaign when you pipe up with a suggestion about 'how about the gang have to break into a tomb for some treasure but accidently awaken a mummy who's goal is to eat them and restore itself?' and Steve responds with, 'hmm, no that's a bit too predictable - make it an ancient, elder god who was cursed and needs to consume so many souls to break it' and Eddie is just,,,, melting, tummy flipping and he's giggling at the feeling.

Steve's is when the three of you are just hanging out. It's a friday night and the TV is on and Steve is sitting on the small armchair and you and Eddie are on the couch. Eddie is leaning heavily on his elbow, resting his cheek against his hand, and you're laying awkwardly across the couch and Eddie's lap and you're twisted slightly and you both laugh at something and his heart just stutters, swells and bursts and he can't stop the grin forming on his face. He feels giddy and wants nothing more than to shout it from the window, the he's so in love.

You always knew you loved them, always, but you never realised just how much - how in love you were - until you were in an accident, hit by a drunk driver on your way home. You were in shock and in pain and scared and you wanted Steve and Eddie like scared kids want their moms. You're laying in your hospital bed, wide watery eyes fixed on the door, longing for them to burst through it and wrap you in their arms. You hear them before you see them and as they rush into your room and see their scared, worried faces you break, face crumpling and chest heaving a sob. You reach for them, the movement causing pain the flair through you but you ignore it, wanting you boys and wanting to feel safe. They climb onto your bed and squish you between them and they're kissing your hair and murmuring that they've got you, you're okay honey, you're safe, we're here.

None of you really have to say it, you all know and show each other through your actions and words.

Its natural, the progression from best friends and roommates to lovers and partners.

[saturnsorbits]

Spent the whole afternoon at A&E and now all I can think about is Hospital AU Bakusquad…

Kirishima is in paediatrics.

A giant of a man, who everyone assumes (or hopes) is a physio or maybe even cardiology, but is most often seen with his hair in odd pigtails or butterfly clips, the tattoos on his forearms partially coloured in with bold felt tip. His mega-watt smile and calm, protective demeanour has both kids and parents seeking out his warmth and it isn’t uncommon to hear calls asking when ‘Dr Ei’ is going to be back on the ward. His office is littered with drawings from his patients and thank you cards from their parents - and it isn’t uncommon to see the odd scrawled phone number appear on the edge of a post it note that has somehow found its way into the pocket of his scrubs or coat.

Kaminari is a radiology tech.

He specialised because he thought he’d have a higher chance of seeing tits in his day-to-day work life, but stayed when he discovered his unexpected talent of reading radiographs. He’s got an eye for it, a weird knack that has his final year professor outright refusing to let him pivot to midwifery or plastics. He doesn’t mind so much these days. He’s the life of the department, with an easy going charisma that lures his, often anxious, patients back to relative calm and a manner that makes him more than approachable. ‘Ask Kaminari’ are often the first words spoken in front of a grainy X-Ray, his name the first on patients lips who have been seen by him before.

Mina is a specialist paramedic.

Trained to the highest level alongside Bakugo in med school, Mina decided surgery was just a little too detached for her liking - choosing instead to be the front line for those in an emergency. She likes the rush, the adrenaline filled afternoons that rely on her quick thinking and flawless bedside manner, but she also likes the breaks. Some of her favourite rides are booked appointments ferrying over the resident old dear for her routine CT scan and she’s a favourite amongst the frequent riders. The urgent care staff love her, knowing that they’re getting the best possible hand off when they see her bubblegum curls bounce through the doors, gloved hands gripping the stretcher as she reels off seamless histories and reassurances.

Sero is in orthopedics.

Having undergone his own elbow arthroplasty as a young adult, he knew exactly what he wanted to specialise in even before he started his first year of rotations. By his graduation, he had co-published a series of papers, pioneering a new innovative surgical fix for adolescent joint restoration that involved a veterinary technique using medical grade fishing wire. Despite this, he is humble to his core and steadfastly patient focuses where others may have sought out further research possibilities. His youthful demeanour makes him popular, despite his shyness, oh, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s absolutely smoking hot (and oblivious) either.

Bakugo is an ER Doctor.

It was certain that Bakugo was going far. Graduating top of his class, it was a sure thing that he would become one of the leading surgeons of his generation… Only for him to join the emergency department instead. Longing for a challenge, there are no safer hands in the department than his. Called in for the more harrowing and difficult cases, what he lacks in bedside manner is made up for easily in skill. He is blunt in demeanour and easy to anger, but ask any of the nurses in A&E and they’ll tell you all of that vanishes as soon as a child walks through the door. He has a cult following among the staff, nurses who long to crack his impenetrable shell and get to the gooey stuff they know is underneath and who can blame them? They’ve seen him shirtless in the overnight rooms.

[jays-bonnie-on-the-side]

𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐀 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

PAIRING : dean winchester x original female character

STORY SUMMARY : in series masterlist

CHAPTER WARNINGS : age-gap. pining. fluff. angry dean. injured sam.

A/N: check out the teaser and prologue if you haven't already. this chapter is more filler but every story has to start off somewhere, and this one starts at the beginning of season 9. here we go!

Maricela's POV

I nearly dropped my phone at Dean's words. "It's Sam... He's in the hospital."

"What?! Is he okay? What happened?" I pour out my questions in panic.

"He's not doing so good," Dean's voice faintly but audibly cracks. "They're running tests now."

"Where are you?" I jump in my car, ready to have the open road fly underneath my wheels.

"No, Mari, you don't need to come—" He begins, but I quickly reject his effort to be left alone.

"I'm coming whether you like it or not, so you can either tell me now or there's gonna be hell to pay after I track you down."

"You're stubborn, you know that?" He asks rhetorically before caving in. "We're at Linwood Memorial Hospital in Randolph, New York. I'll tell you more when you get here."

"Okay. I'll take a plane out there," I put the pedal to the metal, making my tires squeal as I drove off. "Be there as soon as I can."

"Be careful," Dean mutters.

I can't help but smile at his concern. "Always am."

Dean texted me the room number just shortly after I landed. Once I arrived at the hospital, I raced to the room where the Winchester brothers resided. I stop in front of the open doorway to see Dean, back facing me, sitting beside Sam's unconscious body that lay hooked up to various machines.

Dean peeked over his shoulder, and as soon as our eyes met, he stood from the chair. After shutting the door behind me, I walk into the arms of the older Winchester. I hold on to his jacket like my life depended on it, never wanting to let go. My eyes shut to prevent the tears from spilling as he pulls my body closer. His warmth envelops me with comfort as I nuzzle into his chest. A sigh of relief escapes my lungs, feeling safe for the first time in months.

My serenity gets interrupted when his lips suddenly press against the top of my head. I gaze upwards, stunned at the tiny gesture, only to see how close our faces are. With his large, calloused hand, he gently brushed the hair that concealed my face away. His fingers lightly comb through my hair, triggering a brain orgasm and rendering me useless beneath his touch. I get so lost in his eyes that I barely hear his whisper.

"It's good to see you, Mari."

"You too, Dean," I respond as his hand travels to my neck. His thumb softly strokes my throat. "I've missed you."

He blesses me with a slow, small smile. "I've missed you more, princess."

With his rare affection and added pet name, I'm thankful his arm's secured around my waist, or I would've toppled over already. With detestation, I use every ounce of willpower to pull away from his embrace. With a pained heart, I move around Dean and see my best friend lying unconscious. The monitor announces his steady heartbeat while I take his left hand into mine and use my thumb to caress the back of his palm. Leaning over him, I place a kiss against his stubbled cheek, ignoring the short hairs prickling my chin. Without letting go of his hand, I sit on the edge of his bed.

"Did they tell you a diagnosis yet?" I ask, studying Sam's face.

Dark shadows cast around his eyes while a horizontal cut ran across his right cheekbone. He looked as though the life had been drained from his body.

"No, not yet." Dean settles into the chair he had been sitting in before.

I shift my gaze towards him. "What happened? I thought once he finished the trials, he was going to get better."

He shakes his head. "We were wrong." After quickly glancing at the ground, he meets my eyes again.

"Cas and I... We were retrieving a cupid's bow for the second trial to restore Heaven while Sam prepped Crowley for the final trial to shut the gates of Hell. Metatron and Cas had already killed a Nephilim for the first trial, so I called Kevin for the third. He said he found the angel trials in the tablet, but they weren't anything like Metatron had told. Then, Naomi shows up, saying he's been lying. He wasn't trying to fix Heaven—he was trying to destroy it. Cast all angels to earth as revenge for driving him away.

"Then she—she said if Sam completed the trials, he would die. 'The Ultimate Sacrifice.' Castiel took me to Sam before going upstairs to straighten it out. I had walked into the church just before he cured the evil son of a bitch. 'Told Sam the truth, that if he continued, he'd die. But you know Sammy, he didn't care. He wanted to end it, ban the world of demons. Hell, I don't blame him... but when he confessed that his greatest sin was constantly letting me down—thinking I would choose—"

His voice cuts abruptly, attempting to swallow the tears that formed away. His expression tightens, forcing all the muscles in his face to keep its composure as he refuses to give in to his emotions. Seeing him in this rare form tugged at my heart. I let go of Sam and quickly kneel in front of Dean, pulling his body into mine.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." I assure him, rubbing circles on his back. His breathing becomes shallow as I hug his stiff body. "He doesn't think that."

He grabs my arms before pushing himself out of my hold. "But he does. He would've rather die than have to face me for the rest of his life, thinking that he wasn't enough. That I can't trust him, that I would choose anyone or anything, past or present, over him."

Dean shakes his head at the foolish thoughts his brother had believed. "Luckily, I talked him off the edge. We thought the power from the trials had vanished from his body, along with his will to end them. But instead, he hurled over in pain, collapsing to the ground. I practically dragged him to the car while calling out to Cas, but he didn't answer. And that's when it happened; Angels began falling from the sky."

Worried, I inquire, "Have you been able to get a hold of Castiel?" He shook his head, his frustration evident due to our angel friend's silence.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door. Immediately, I stand and add distance between us. I walk to the opposite side of the bed just as the doctor enters the room. He introduces himself while displaying Sam's MRI scans against the X-ray Illuminator. Dean walks over and examines the scans while the doctor finally reads the diagnosis listed on his clipboard.

"The MRI shows massive internal burns affecting many of the major organs. Oxygen to the brain has been severely deprived." Dean uncrosses his arms as he begins to make his way towards me. "The coma is the result of the body doing everything in its limited power to protect itself from further harm."

He walks around me and stands on my left, closest to Sam. He stares at his brother before breathing out, "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"If your brother continues on this trajectory, the machines might keep him alive, but—"

Dean interrupts, "He'll be dead."

The doctor nods. "Technically, yes. I'm afraid so."

"So, there's—there's no recovery? I mean, there's no bounce back. There's no nothing."

"I'm afraid that's in God's hands now." I look up at Dean and watch his head tilt ever so slightly, taken aback by the doctor's remark.

"You're a doctor. You're a medical professional." Oh boy, here we go. "You're trying to tell me that my brother's life is in God's hands? What, is that supposed to be a-a comfort?" Dean questions.

My left arm curls around his bicep while my right hand rests on his forearm for support, a reminder that I was with him in this. When he doesn't seem to have noticed, I gently whisper, "Dean," moving my right hand in his own, wishing to be a calming presence in this nightmare.

"Mr. Dougherty—" the doctor tries speaking, but Dean ignores us both.

"No, God has nothing to do with this equation at all," He shakes with anger as each word becomes louder than the next.

"I didn't mean—" the physician tries again, with no luck. If he only knew the real reason behind Dean's anger.

"That's not good enough!" He shouts, no doubt striking fear into Sam's doctor.

"Hey," I tug on him, forcing Dean to tear his attention away from the man and stare at me. "Why don't we go take a breather?"

His dark eyes search my pleading ones before offering a tiny, unamused nod. I lead him around the bed towards the hallway, thanking the doctor on the way out. Once we were out of the room, I let him go. Dean's face instantly changes from anger to fear as the news sinks in. Just like Sam would, I step up to reassure the older Winchester.

"We'll figure something out, okay? We always do. Everything will be fine—" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Stop. Not now. I just—I need time to think." He tiredly states before turning away. He stares into the distance, something catching his eye. I follow his gaze and see the sign that caught his attention; 'Chapel.'

"Do you want me to go with you?" I ask softly but get a head shake.

"Just stay with Sam. I'll be back." With that, he heads toward the hospital's safe haven.

I walked back into the room, quietly shutting the door behind the doctor so it was just us two. Planting myself in the chair beside Sam's bed, my eyes grow hot, tears welling up far quicker now that I was alone. With Dean gone, I allow the tears to tumble down my cheek, unbothered to wipe the sorrow away. Hot tears splatter against my jeans while a few run past my chin, finding refuge beneath my shirt. My throat painfully fights the words I force out.

"Please, Sam, stay with us. We'll do whatever we can, but we need you to fight. Please."

I sat up straight, my head no longer resting beside Sam's hand, once I heard the door open. Looking over my shoulder, Dean closes it before making his way around the other side of the bed. I quickly wiped my tear-stained cheeks dry before he could notice.

"I figured out a way to help Sammy." He says, leaning against the cabinets.

I immediately perk up. "What—How?"

"When I was in the chapel, I prayed to Castiel. When I realized he wasn't going to answer, I..." He trails off.

"You what?" I ask warily.

"I decided to make a house call to any angel out there who's willing to help Sam for a favor in return." I tilt my head with dismay, knowing it wasn't the smartest idea but a desperate one. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but that doesn't matter now. Sammy needs healing."

"Do you honestly think someone will show up to help? It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows, so what makes this time any different? They want us dead, Dean. And you just put an A.P.B out on our heads. We can't even move Sam! We're literally sitting ducks." I could tell he didn't like my input, but it didn't matter. It needed to be said.

"Well, if anyone tries something other than fixing my brother, I'll take care of it." He answers.

"We." I correct. "We'll take care of it."

We lock eyes, and he nods in agreement. Now, to wait and see if any angel will show.

After a while, silence fell between us, and hope diminished with each passing minute. Dean was leaning against the ash wood cabinets, lost in thought, when the door softly opened. An unfamiliar lady walks in, offering a small smile. Dean uncrosses his arms before pushing himself off the counter. He walked near Sam's bed as I stood from my chair, turning to face her.

"Hi," he says eagerly. "I'm just gonna break the ice. Are you an angel?"

She nervously chuckles at his remark. "Sometimes I wish I were. My name is Kim Schortz, and I'm a grief counselor here at the hospital."

"Right. Uh, uh..." He gazes downward in disappointment as he struggles to find an excuse for his direct question. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

She flashes him an understanding smile.

"Well, all due respect, but, uh, I'm not grieving—not yet at least, so—" I hear the sadness in his lowered voice, wondering why no angel has come to help.

"I'm afraid as hard as this may be, this might be a good time to talk..." She looks past me and down at Sam before finishing. "About the inevitable."

"Look, I'm sure you're a nice person and that you mean well, but 'inevitable'—that's a fighting word where we come from. There's always a way." I interject.

"And I am a prayerful woman who believes in miracles as much as the next, but I also know how to read an E.E.G. And unless you're telling me you guys have a direct line to those angels that you were looking for—"

"Yeah, no, I uh... guess we don't." Dean interrupts, anguish taking over his features before the realization dawns on him. "But I might have something better."

He chuckles before the first genuine smile displays on his exhausted face. "I got the King of Hell in my trunk."

My eyes widen. "Crowley?" I ask in shock that he hadn't mentioned it before.

He happily strides out of the room. A surge of excitement courses through my body, knowing there could still be a chance, other than angels, to heal Sam.

"Uh, is—is that... I'm sorry. Is that a metaphor?" The confused counselor inquires.

"Sure, sweetie." I pat her shoulder and begin guiding the woman towards the hall.

"We appreciate you stopping by. Please, don't come back. It'd be a shame to waste more of each other's time. Thanks for understanding." I say in the most polite way—given the situation—before closing the door behind her.

I skip over to Sam and pet his hair, smiling at his beautiful, still face. "Don't worry, Sammy. You'll be back soon enough."

DEAN WINCHESTER MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | JOIN THE TAG LIST

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[fuiabarcelos]

Champagne problems: Is love pain?

Pairing: Sam Winchester x reader.

Summary: She wanted to get married, he wanted to break up. Or was it just a mistake?

Bingo: a evermore song - Champagne problems.

Genre: Lots of angst (the flashback is fluffy) - 4600 words

Warnings: Soulless Sam breaking the reader's heart, attempted suicide, mental health, depression, psychiatric hospitalization, toxic family, manipulation.

A/N: I'm not fluent in English, so a lot of mistakes can happen.

He entered the room next to Dean. As soon as your eyes met his, you felt your shoulders relax and remembered the feeling of having a heart again, it was beating like every time you saw him. It's amazing how Sam was able to restore the love inside you with just his presence.

You ran into his arms and hugged him, as tightly as you could, smelling his scent. Being close to him restored the good feelings that had long been lost and you finally allowed yourself to remember the day you had struggled to forget since he left.

The memory of the happiest day of your life has become the most painful in the last year.

"I can't believe you brought me here again!" You exclaimed happily. You were in the restaurant where he asked you to date. Since that night you've never been back.

It had been completely renovated, and you only recognized it by the shiny signboard with the restaurant's name and the gigantic fork at the entryway.

"I thought we could reminisce about old times. The food wasn't the best, but that night was incredible."

"I vividly remember you praising the dessert for days!" Sam made an offended expression, as if he was being accused of something he didn't do, when, in fact, they both knew that what you said was true. You laughed before continuing, "But I must agree, it was an incredible evening."

The food had improved and Sam was again praising the dessert.

"Why don't you order one more?" You asked when he'd finished eating.

"That's a great idea, but I have other plans."

"I know!" You said as you grabbed a napkin and wiped the remnants of chocolate from his mouth "We're going for a walk in the park."

"How did you guess?"

"Sam... Do you think I don't understand what's going on here? You're recreating our first date. You brought me to this restaurant, ordered the same food, the same drinks, the same desserts..."

"I forgot you're a smart girl" he joked " Let's go?"

The night was calm and silent. The sky was completely illuminated by several stars that shone incessantly next to the moon, which in turn reflected its beauty on the lake in front of you.

"It's such a beautiful night," you sighed, enjoying the silence and the warmth of Sam's hands in yours.

"Just like you" When you looked at Sam, his eyes were shining while he looked at you. The whole time he was admiring you.

"You're still that boy completely in love from that night."

"Yes, and in love with the same woman" He smiled. You always knew that this smile would one day be the reason for your breakdown. Seeing Sam smile gave you an inexplicable feeling of happiness, as if nothing else in the world mattered. As if there were nothing more beautiful.

And then you were finally in the field by the lake. Full of colorful flowers that looked the same under the moonlight, but you had a clear memory of what it was like to be here during the day. This place managed to be beautiful in both shifts.

Not as beautiful as Sam.

You watched him as he walked alone towards the flowers, just after asking you to wait a moment. His body was illuminated by the stars, standing out in the middle of the field of flowers, and exuded the essence of his romantic and ethereal nature. It was obvious to you that he was picking a flower, just as he had done so many years ago, a gesture that echoed his admiration for you.

It wasn't long before he came back, gently pushed your hair aside (which certainly gave you more goosebumps than usual) and put the beautiful flower in your ear. Now the two of you were smiling intensely at each other, not wanting this moment to end.

Sam brought his lips close to your cheek and kissed you gently a few times. He knew exactly how to show his love.

The thoughts that you didn't deserve this, didn't deserve all this love exploded in your mind, you were ready to push him away and ask him to go. He and his love made you so vulnerable and at the same time so happy, it scares you!

"This is where you asked me to date you" Instead of asking to go away, you tried to push the thoughts away and relive the memories of that perfect night "You were so nervous, but you managed to make me so happy."

"I hope to keep you happy for the rest of my life" His hands slipped into his pants pocket, pulling out a red box. Sam knelt on the ground, not caring that the grass would soil his jeans. You widened your eyes when you realized what was happening and thought you'd faint at any moment "I've been planning this for a while because I wanted it to be perfect. You're the woman I love and want to love forever, having you as my girlfriend for all these years has been the best thing that's ever happened to me, but it's still too little for me. Y/n, I want to put a ring on your finger, walk you down the aisle dressed in white, kiss you in front of everyone after the yes and finally have you as my wife."

"Sam... You can't do this" Your face was soaked with tears. There was little air in your lungs and you were dizzy, very dizzy. "I love you and what I want most is to spend the rest of my life with you, but..."

Sam was already prepared for any "negative" reaction you might have, because he had known you for many years and had fought with you to cure you of this feeling that you weren't worthy of any love.

He knew that proposing would bring back your traumas, the memories of your father beating your mother, your grandmother cheating on your grandfather and him threatening to kill her. You were in the middle of these failed marriages, but they always claimed that this was love.

For you, love is suffering.

That's why Sam made a point of reliving the day you first went out and started dating, because he knew it would bring you comfort.

"Y/n, sweetheart" He said, still kneeling down "We've talked about this, you do deserve to be loved, because love is nothing like what you've witnessed. You don't need to be afraid. I'll be here for you and I'll never make you suffer."

"I didn't want my champagne problems to spoil this moment, forgive me."

"You didn't ruin anything, don't worry, baby" He ran his hands through his hair before holding yours and looking into your eyes "So... Will you marry me?"

You took a deep breath and remembered all the happiness Sam had brought you since you were together. He was telling the truth when he said he would never hurt you, you're sure of that.

"Yes, Sam! I agree to become your wife."

He finally put the ring on your finger and pulled you into a slow, loving kiss. You spent the whole night leaning against a tree, sitting on Sam's lap as you told stories and exchanged many, many kisses.

You would marry the man you thought didn't exist. A romantic, respectful and extremely handsome man. You would marry Sam Winchester.

Now he is finally here. A year after he said yes to Lucifer and fell into the cage.

After Sam left, Dean went his own way and tried to have a normal life with Lisa and Ben. Even with the pain of losing his brother, he seemed happy with the life he was leading and you were happy for him. You had helped them on a few hunts before and you knew how hard this life is.

As for you, after Sam fell into the cage you distanced yourself from everyone, as you felt you needed to experience your grief alone. Your family tried to keep in touch, eventually calling to find out why you were missing, but you didn't give any information about the whereabouts of you and your fiancé.

Every night you missed Sam running his hands through your hair before you went to sleep while he told you about his last hunt, his kisses and his gentle touches. You felt like the best part of your life had been forcibly taken away from you and, what's worse, it would be forever.

You thought it would be forever.

You waited for him to hug you back as tightly as he could, move your hair away, hold your face and join your lips to his. You could finally tell him how much you missed him, but he didn't do any of that. Sam just stood there, looking at you as if that hug you'd dreamed of having again meant nothing to him.

"He's a bit confused, Y/n" Dean said "Sam spent a year with Lucifer, it'll take a while for him to get well."

"You're right. I'm sorry, Sam" You believe what Dean said. Sam needed a bit of space to understand and get over everything that had happened "I just... I missed you a lot."

Sam agreed before saying that he needed to go out and take a shower.

He was finally loving you again. It was a little rougher than it used to be, but you felt that it restored the connection between the two of you. Your bodies were giving each other pleasure and love.

Sam kissed you as if he desperately needed you, and you knew he was ready to continue.

"Baby, I'm tired," you said, pulling his lips away from yours to look into his face. You stroked his cheeks gently, feeling now that you needed that moment of cuddling after intense sex and after being without him for a year "We can just stay here for a while, talking and cuddling. I need this moment with you after everything that's happened."

"I'm not interested in doing that now, maybe later," he said. Sam's mouth met his neck where he left an intense, desperate bite. There would certainly be a deep mark afterwards.

You were a little disappointed, because you missed that love that for a long time was a fear and an insecurity, but after the marriage proposal it became what was most important to you. However, you understood Sam's side and realized that he needed to get his head together before being vulnerable to you again.

"You know, I was thinking, now that you're back, we can finally have our engagement dinner with my family. To celebrate our future marriage and your return."

"Anything you want, as long as you keep groaning underneath me."

In a mixture of uncertainty and displeasure, you found yourself giving in. You didn't know if it was blackmail or a way of looking sexy, but you spread your legs more and waited for him to be inside you again, even though you'd had enough.

You spent weeks planning the perfect engagement dinner. Sam's help was needed, but he wasn't willing to plan it, so you did all the work yourself and hoped he liked it.

Sam wasn't back to normal yet, after he came back from the cage he was no longer the sweet, romantic and cute man he used to be. Now he's cold and you constantly find yourself demanding his attention. Sometimes you felt selfish because you didn't like his attitudes and felt you needed to understand his side, because Sam had been trapped with Lucifer for a year, so it was inevitable that this would have affected his mental health.

But it was affecting yours too.

Before, you used to be very mentally unstable, every day you would wake up and wait anxiously for night to come, because sleeping was the only time you didn't feel pain. Sam was there for you, trying to cheer you up and rekindle your will to go on. You still regret putting him through so much pain when you decided to take your own life, but he was there holding your hand in the hospital and he looked after you like no one else had ever done.

You felt that sense of disgust for life coming back, but you couldn't count on Sam this time, not because he didn't care, but because he was already suffering too much.

"I'm so excited!" You said almost jumping up and down as you fixed Sam's tie "Wow... You look so beautiful, my love."

"I could say the same, if you let me show you what I can do with you in the bedroom."

You rolled your eyes, but immediately regretted it. Your displeasure shouldn't have been made so explicit.

It felt like Sam was constantly blackmailing you to get you into bed. You felt that sex was the only thing that mattered to him, that you were only there to satisfy his pleasures. Where's all that affection he used to give you? It was as if love was only coming from your side...

You shook your head, trying to dispel these idiotic thoughts. Of course Sam still loved you, he was just confused. Taking you to bed is his way of showing that he loves you, right?

"We have dinner waiting for us, Sam. We can save that for later." Sam didn't like that answer.

"You'd rather please your stupid family than me? I thought you loved me."

"I love you, I love you very much. But I planned our engagement dinner so carefully, I want to celebrate our wedding" You smiled, trying to calm him down, your hands now on his face, hoping he'd understand your side "We're getting married, Sam! Isn't that amazing? We'll be able to have sex as many times as we want."

Sam clearly wasn't convinced, but gave up arguing. You took his hand in yours and led him into the dining room, where your family was.

"Y/n!" Your grandmother shouted with happiness when she saw you "You look so beautiful in that dress!" She quickly pulled you into a hug "Sam, it's been so long" She came close to hugging you too, but Sam dodged. You were shocked by his reaction and your grandmother was extremely uncomfortable. He realized the mood he had left there and tried to make amends.

"It's great to see you again," he said, holding out his hand to greet her.

"I'm so happy for you, you're the cutest couple I've ever seen. I'm sure this wedding won't have any problems."

If she could see beyond appearances, she would know that you had a lot of problems. That you didn't know if you were happy anymore.

The doorbell rang and you ran to answer it, leaving Sam alone to greet his family. When you opened the door, you saw Dean standing there with a smile on his face.

"How nice of you to come, Dean! I've been waiting for you."

"I wouldn't miss it for anything, I've been waiting for this day for a long time. I brought this" He handed you a bottle of Dom Pérignon.

"Champagne! Thank you so much, Dean."

"A special night deserves a special drink."

Throughout dinner, your family praised your relationship with Sam, they recalled many moments between the two of you at family lunches. It was clear that everyone was happy with the news of the engagement, except for one person... The fiancé.

You asked everyone to stand up, because you had finally plucked up the courage to make the speech you had prepared.

"Sam and I really appreciate everyone's presence, it's very important for us to have everyone here to support and celebrate this new phase in our lives" You took a deep breath before looking at the man you wanted to spend eternity with, the man who had sworn eternal love to you "I never thought I'd get to this point of announcing to everyone that we're getting married. Since I met you, you've ignited a love inside me that I didn't even know was there. You brought happiness into my life and loved me just the way I am. I want you to know that I'll always be by your side, Sam, and I can't wait to wear a white dress and marry you." You smiled and dried the lonely tears that ran down your cheeks "I love you so much, love."

Your relatives applauded the scene and you hoped to see some trace of happiness in Sam. You expected him to declare his beautiful words of love to you or to tell you that he loved you too. He didn't, he just stood there with his disgruntled expression.

"Are you all right, Sam?" You whispered.

"Not in fact. I'm tired of all this drama. Of pretending that I care about you so that I can get you into bed, just because having sex with you is so fucking good." Everyone there was in shock at your fiancé's shouting. "I don't care about you, Y/n, and I don't even love you. I don't even know why I agreed to come to this shitty dinner with this family that thinks they're perfect when, in reality, they hate each other to the core."

"Sam... Stop it, please" you pleaded tearfully.

"What's gotten into you?" Dean shouted from across the dining room.

"You're so naive, Y/n. You were doing everything for me, thinking that at some point I'd reciprocate. How could you think I loved you or would marry you?" In a rage, Sam took off his engagement ring and threw it into his champagne glass "Enough of all this."

He slammed the door before driving off, starting his car and disappearing into the darkness.

In the meantime, one of the songs you'd made a point of putting on the playlist was playing in the background, as it was by Sam's favorite singer: Blue Suede Shoes by Elvis Presley.

"One for the money, to for the show"

"I wasn't ready for this, so I watched you go," you thought.

Your headache uncontrollably with so much information, your family kept telling you that Sam was a horrible man and that you'd find something better.

- He'd be a lovely husband if he wasn't fucked in the head," said your mother.

You couldn't stand there, in the middle of that chaos. Then, minutes later, you were kneeling on the street, your tears mixing with the rain.

You gave yourself to a man who promised to love you and never hurt you. You gave yourself to the man who broke your heart. Sam Winchester ripped your heart out of your chest and threw it in the trash.

Your depression has consumed you again. The gossip about everything that happened at dinner had spread throughout the city, because your family couldn't hold their tongues. Your mother offered you a room in her house for a few days until you felt a bit better, but staying there was the worst decision you could have made.

Every time someone saw you crying, you were told that you didn't have to be like that and that you would soon find someone better. Your cousin, who always liked to feel superior to you, told you that these were just champagne problems and everyone around you agreed with her. You just wanted to feel welcome.

After realizing that your family didn't care about your suffering, you disappeared. You changed your number, rented an apartment as far away as possible and let the depression take over.

One night, you did it again. It was 11:45 pm when the emergency phone rang and they heard your pleas for help. The paramedics rushed to try and rescue you, you were lying on the floor with deep cuts on your wrists and a pile of empty medicine bottles around you.

At the hospital, when you'd recovered a bit, they asked for an explanation. You had tried to take your own life again. The doctors talked to you about sending you to a psychiatric hospital. You were scared, but you accepted, because you knew you needed help and your family wasn't there for you... Neither was Sam.

How you missed Sam. The Sam who took you to that restaurant, made you smile and, at the end of the night, asked you to officially become his. The Sam who loved you as much as you loved him.

And now you're here, lying on a bed in a mental institution waiting for your next pill.

"Y/n, we're going to have a group therapy session to welcome the new patient, do you want to join?" One of the nurses asked. You were bored, so you agreed. 

You entered the room where the group therapy was to take place, arriving last. You sat down and waited for it to start, but as you looked around for familiar faces, the regret that you had agreed to come intensified.

"This is the new patient, Sam. We decided to do this session to welcome him, Sam is in an advanced state of psychosis and needs to connect with reality."

Sam looked terrible. The dark, deep circles under his eyes showed that he hadn't slept for days, he had several cuts on his face and hands and was clearly exhausted.

He wasn't paying attention to anything the psychologist or the other patients were saying, his eyes were fixed on yours. 

Sam wanted to hug you and apologize for everything that had happened, because he finally remembered all the bad things he had done when he was soulless. He knew about your psychological issues, but he didn't know that you had gotten so bad that you had to be committed to a madhouse.

You couldn't stand to stay in that room for another minute and ran back to your room. Two nurses came after you because they thought you were suffering from a depressive episode, and maybe they were right. At the height of your anguish, you threw yourself on the floor, letting out screams of pain and frustration that echoed off the walls. Your hands ran to your hair and you pulled hard as if you were trying to get the agony out of you.

The nurses acted quickly to contain your physical and emotional suffering, leading you to the bed and immobilizing you to prevent you from hurting yourself even more. It wasn't long before you felt the sting of the medication on your arm and a deep sleep consumed you.

Now you're face to face with the psychiatrist who usually sees you, she's interested in finding out what caused your latest episode.

"He's here... My ex-fiancé."

"That explains a lot. Are you talking about the new patient? Sam" You agreed "I don't know what the reasons were for him acting so rudely towards you, but I know you didn't talk after everything. I can take you to his room, because I know you still have a lot of questions."

"I'm afraid he'll shout those horrible things at me again, he doesn't love me..."

"That's your choice, ever since you got here you told me you wanted to have the chance to talk to him one last time, but if you don't feel ready for that, that's fine."

"Can someone stay close?"

"Of course, you won't be alone."

The walk from your room to Sam's was shrouded in a gloomy atmosphere. Your hands were shaking and your dry mouth was a manifestation of your nervousness. However, you closed your eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and, gathering your courage, entered his room.

The nurse was waiting for you behind the door to give you both privacy, and she promised to keep an eye out for any warning signs.

"Hi, Sam," you said softly, almost crying.

"Y/N!" He came over to you and pulled you into a tight hug. It wasn't the same cold, unaffectionate hug he gave you the day you came back from the cage. There was affection in that hug, but you believed it was just your head sabotaging you to make you feel better. Sam then placed a kiss on your forehead before holding your face and looking into your eyes "I missed you so much."

"It was you who pushed me away. It was you who said you didn't love me, who humiliated me in front of my whole family! You're probably the reason why I'm here!" You pushed him away and tried not to speak too loudly so that the nurse wouldn't think you were having a fight and get you out of there before you finished this conversation.

"I know, but please calm down. Let's talk" He took your hand and guided you to sit on the bed "Y/n, when Castiel went to try to save me, he couldn't get me out with my soul. I came back, but my soul was stuck with Lucifer, until now."

"So you were acting like that because you were without your soul?"

"Yes, with my soul out of my body, there was no emotion left. I did horrible things that for a while I didn't remember. I constantly asked Dean what had happened to you and he never told me the truth, until one day I finally remembered. I looked for you to try to apologize, but I couldn't find you anywhere."

"Why are you here, Sam?"

"My soul is still being tortured by Lucifer. He was sitting there, laughing at both of us." He pointed to an isolated chair in the corner of the room, but there was nothing there. It wasn't psychosis, but Lucifer tormenting Sam.

"That's... Horrible. You don't deserve this."

"Dean and Castiel are looking for a way to cure me." Tears streamed down both your faces, you were suffering for different reasons, but you could understand each other's feelings.

"My family was right, I have champagne problems compared to this."

"Don't say that. Your family doesn't know what they're talking about." Sam's eyes were fixed on yours and you couldn't look away from those eyes that were so beautiful, but now so full of pain "Your problems aren't insignificant and I'm glad you sought help. I'm sorry for everything I did to you, Y/n. I promised I'd never hurt you, that I'd protect you forever, but look where it's gotten you! I hope that one day you can forgive me."

"Do you remember when we stayed in that old hotel and you said it was a madhouse in the 90s and I made a joke: so it was made for us?" You laughed at the memory "Look where we are now."

"You're right," he laughed with you. When you both stopped laughing, you looked at each other again "I've always loved you and I've never given up on walking you down the aisle" His lips were inches from yours and you couldn't wait another minute to kiss him again. It was a kiss that carried with it all the baggage of your intertwined emotions. It was hesitant at first, but soon deepened into a mutual search for solace and connection.

"I need to heal first, Sam. I'm not ready for this."

"I know, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I won't give up on you, because you're the woman in my life."

"Life hasn't been fair to us, but I hope it repents and asks for forgiveness. I need to heal before I can forgive you, Sam."

[andsoigotabutterfly]

-Save Me From Her - chapter 5

Tara Carpenter x fem!reader

Summary: Hospital talks, and much needed explanations.

a/n: Finally wrote this. Ohmygod it took so long. During writing, I got caught on my own missinterpretations of my own lore, and had to rewrite the story in my head lol. Help me :)

warning: amateur writing, mentions of trauma, mad people, death, wounds, cursing, multiple/mixed POV's

Tara was freaking out. There wasn't any news from you. Even though the doctors said you would be okay, nobody said any facts that she could work with. The only thing even subtly calming her was the steady beeping of your heart monitor, but even that wasn't enough for her anxiety to go away, and her friends were enjoying the fruits of its labor. Well, rather suffering than enjoying. If Tara wouldn't be freaking out, she would laugh at her state right now. But she was. And she wasn't enjoying one second of it.

You have arrived at the hospital a few hours ago. Tara couldn't keep track of time, everything was slow, too slow for her liking. Even when she asked about how long it's been, the information would just leave her mind the moment she heard it. Anika arrived with the rest of the squad not long after the Carpenters and was in a similar state of mind as Tara. Or was it long until they arrived? The younger Carpenter really couldn't tell.

They sat in a circle in the waiting room. Even detective Bailey was there, with an arm around her daughter. Chad and Ethan sat next to each other, silently trying to not get eaten up by their nerves. Mindy managed to calm Anika down enough for her to sit in her lap, still her leg was bouncing up and down, her nails close to disappearing the way she was biting them. Vasco was ordered to stay at the precinct and restore order. Sam also joined the group, after changing her clothes for something less bloody. Tara wasn't willing. Not when she could miss the moment, they would let her in your room. She was pacing around, unable to sit down, her mind running with possibilities of how the doctors mistreated you, and that somehow resulted in you dying. Which couldn't happen. It was out of the question.

Whenever a doctor would approach, she would stop and look at them with hopeful eyes, only for it to be shattered when they approached someone else. It wouldn't matter that they got bad news. It wouldn't matter they broke out in tears. At least they got to know whether their loved ones are alive or dead.

The rush towards the hospital was anything but smooth. After you collapsed on the floor, Bailey stuffed you in a police car and sirened his way to the closest medical station. Tara was in the back with you, trying to keep you awake without any success. Sam sat beside her, trying her best so her sister wouldn't fall apart, failing. Once the doctors got their hands on you, you were rushed into surgery, and did not let anyone in. Tara hasn't seen you since then. It was nerve ending and infuriating. Yet she couldn't do anything. She felt helpless. She hated feeling helpless.

A stern, deep voice broke her out from her fear induced state. "Are you, with Y/N Kayoko?"

The speed at which Tara span around would impress her if she could care about that right now. "Yes! Yes, we are." She felt someone putting a hand on her back, and when she looked, she saw Anika beside her, face full of concern. The doctor who stood before them was about six-foot-tall, pale white and had blonde, stylish hair. Tara decided she didn't…

"She got out of surgery. She is alive and well. It shouldn't take long for her to wake up."

Tara decided she liked this man a lot. Anika let out a breath she was holding and smiled at him. "Thank you doctor. Can we see her?" she asked, her voice full of hope. The blonde smiled before nodding and started leading them towards your room. Sam and the Meeks’ followed right behind them whilst the rest stayed behind.

------------

You were stationed in room 217. 'Of course, they would put you there' Tara thought and huffed. She rolled her eyes as her mind drifted towards 'The Shining'. You would refuse to watch it with her, because, in your words, it was a disgrace to the book and the legacy of Stephen King.

Tara slowly opened the door and looked inside. The sun was shining through the window, right onto your sleeping figure. For someone sliced up from the side of your belly to your chest, you didn't look bad. She felt Anika stiffen beside her, and it sent her mind running. What did she see that her eyes had glanced over? She took you in again, not sparing any detail, yet she still couldn't find what Anika did. Her heart started racing as she turned towards her. "What do you see?"

"N- nothing" Anika managed. She took in a deep breath, then went to your side, Tara following close behind her. "It's just… The last time I saw her like this, she almost died. Before and after." Even though her words didn't make a lot of sense to Tara, her heart clenched at the thought that you were like this before. But she let it slide. Your sister was clearly just as tense as she was. She would have to ask you.

Tara knelt beside you, and took your hand in hers, squeezing lightly. Her nerves were finally calming down as she watched your sleeping figure. She synchronized her breathing with yours, and without realizing, tucked a strain of hair behind your ears, that fell into your face as you slept. How could you look gorgeous even, when you just lost gallons of blood, not even talking about the demanding surgery you went through right after that. Just as beautiful than the day she… No! She stopped herself before the thought could cross her mind. No way in hell you had that much of an effect on her. She did not just almost quote something. She refused to believe that.

The light chatter of Mindy, Chad and Sam filled the room and mixed with the song of the birds coming from outside. The peaceful tranquility that pulsed through the room felt false. You almost just died, and the fucker that attacked you, was still out there somewhere. Tara knew she wouldn't stop until he was dead.

Without realizing, her grip tightened around your hand. Only when you groaned in pain did she notice that she was squeezing the life out of your arm. Then she realized you were awake. Her eyes snapped back to your face, and when she saw your opened eyes as you were watching her, Tara's breath caught in her throat. You were awake. You were alive. You didn't leave her.

The younger Carpenter opened her mouth to speak, but Anika beat her to it. "You braindead monkey!" she lashed out as she started hitting you, careful not to hit any wounds. "You absolute selfish… Morron!"

You groaned out in pain and tried to defend yourself. "Ani- Anika stop!" but she didn’t listen. “Are you guys just going to watch her kill me?” you asked from everyone else in the room.

“Oh, I’m not going to stop her” Mindy smiled.

“Yeah, you brought this to yourself you know” Tara joined in.

You huffed, and moved away from her reach, but Anika followed, and hit you, this time a little more powerful. "This hurts!"

"Good!" she said, emphasizing her point with another hit. "You get attacked, and I'm one of the last person to know about it?"

"Sorry!"

"Sorry isn't good enough! You left me clueless for more than half a day!" she hit your one final time, then continued a much calmer, loving voice. "Now, where does it hurt?" Tara and Sam raised an eyebrow at her sudden change, but you and Mindy didn't even bother.

"Where do you think it hurts? You've just covered all my body with new bruises!" you exclaimed, and wildly gestured at yourself.

"Oh, don't be such a baby! Show me!" You complied with a frown on your face, and raised your shirt. You lifted the cloth to reveal the bandages lying underneath and smirked at Anika.

“Enjoying the view, dear sister?”

“You know I don’t” she replied whilst pouting, even though nothing could be seen.

You then remembered why you got here. Who you got here because and your mood immediately darkened. Any joy, coming from the witty fight with your sister, any happiness from the thought there were people at your bed vanished. Disappeared. Got swallowed by the black hole of dread inside you.

Tara noticed this. Anika noticed this. Everybody saw it on you. Suddenly the room felt suffocating and cold. This was what Tara anticipated the room should have felt like, yet now she wanted the former state to take over once again. She wanted you to feel the peace she felt, the relievement that washed through her when she saw you, but it was far out of reach now.

“Hey, you know we are here, right?” Anika asked of you, and gently put her hand on yours. Tara sat down beside you two and did the same with your shoulder. The Carpenter felt it was a bit cliché, but when Anika smiled at her, and you eased a bit under her touch, the feeling faded.

It took you about a minute to be able to talk. Neither of them let go of you, not even for a second. You couldn’t be more grateful for them. You calmed downed slowly, as they eased you in just the right way. "Is everyone alright?"

Anika rolled her eyes before asking back. "Shouldn't you be worried about yourself?"

"Me and Tara didn't get hurt, if that's what you are thinking about" Sam answered you after you threw a pointed look at your sister. "But the cops… weren't that lucky. Six dead, seven other still in surgery."

"Vasco?"

"I ordered him to stay behind" Bailey's voice cut through the room. He was now standing at the newly opened door, looking firm. "Someone needs to restore order, and now that… And he is the next highest ranking cop there. You know, you really scared us back there?"

Relief flooded through you, knowing he was alright. "It takes more than a cut to bring me down Wayne."

"Any idea who the attacker might have been?" he asked, as he entered the room and stood next to you.

You swallowed before answering. "No. I couldn't really get a proper look at him." Both Anika and Tara narrowed their eyes at you. They knew your signs, and you were lying. There was no denying it. The only question was; why? "Is there anything on the footages of the cameras?"

"He entered the building in costume, and none saw where he went, or how he disappeared, since he cut the power. The smoke must have come from grenades taken from our storage, because there were several missing."

After he finished, silence overtook the room once again, but this time it was awkward. Bailey, noticing that his intrusion has caused this, squeezed your left shoulder tightly, and started heading out. "It's good to have you back, kiddo" he said from the door, before leaving the room. As goodbye, you threw him a weak smile.

You contemplated whether you should say your next sentence before everyone or not. From one side, you did promise your father, you would keep the secret inside the family, from the other, everything said to either Tara or Anika would then be told to Mindy and Sam. Maybe not Sam, but Mindy would surely know. Your thought process was stopped when she spoke.

"Can I start theory crafting now Ika?" she asked, hope evident in the way she spoke.

"Only after my dear sister here explains why she would lie to Wayne" Anika answered, further narrowing her eyes at you. Tara also drew back, expecting you to explain yourself.

"I don…" you started but stopped yourself when Tara raised an eyebrow. You then sighed, and caved in. "Because I promised father we would always keep it inside the family." As Anika's eyes widened in realization, so narrowed the young Carpenter's in confusion. When she looked at the others, she found them just as dumb-founded as she was. "Kiks, I believe it was Anna" you said.

"Who's that supposed to be?" Sam asked.

"Someone who blew up, got burned to death and is now six feet underground" Anika blurted out, not even bothering looking behind her so she would talk towards Sam. She took a deep breath, and continued more calmly. "She's dead Y/N."

"I heard her voice from behind the modulator" you said, a little irritated. "It was her! I know it's her."

Anika looked unconvinced. Everybody else was clueless, and it could have been seen from miles. "Should we leave you alone so you two could talk this through?" the older Carpenter asked and stood.

"Yes, that may be helpful" your sister thanked her.

Whilst the others got ready to leave, Tara looked at you with doe eyes. She didn't want to let you out of her sight, not after what happened. She grasped your hands, like it was her lifeline.

"We'll be quick; I promise" you nudged her. Reluctantly, she let you go, and started scattering out the bed. She stood beside the bed for a moment, then leant back in and kissed you, something she had wanted to do since the moment you woke. You kissed her back, grinning against her lips, then pushed her back and out the bed. "Go" you ushered her with your hands. She threw you an unimpressed look, before leaving the room.

After Mindy closed the door behind herself, she was all over Tara. "What was that?" she asked teasingly, a huge smile plastered on her face. Tara tried to hide her blushy smile, but failed miserably.

"After dinner, and before the… the first attack, we…" She cleared her throat and started looking for words as she reminded herself of the memory of you pulling her in, hands roaming her. "We had a moment."

Mindy all but shrieked at the news, whilst Chad and Sam were only smiling at her. They looked happy for her, and all she wanted to do was to wipe their smug looks off their face. "Tell. Me. Everything!" Mindy demanded and Tara was then forced to do as she said. When she left out even the slightest detail, she would get smacked, and would need to correct her mistake. Her friend felt tyrannical, and cruel. When she accused her of this, she would just thank her for it, and nudge her on.

"Time to pay up Chad!" Mindy declared, and held her hand out towards her brother after Tara finished.

"You betted on whether we would get together?!"

"No, we betted on when you would get together. It took way more time than we first thought!" she answered and after Chad handed her a fifty, started rummaging through her bag for her purse.

"This much?!"

"Well, after months the stakes only grew" the Meeks woman explained nonchalantly. "Now, Sam, this should cover yours?" Mindy asked as she gave her the fifty she just got from Chad, and some more notes she took out from her purse.

"Et tu Sam?"

"Sorry!" she apologized, sincerity far avoiding her voice. "At first I thought it was stupid and unserious, but after a while, it got boring, and I wanted in."

Tara rolled her eyes. God she hated them.

---------

Not long later, the door to your room swung open, and Anika invited everyone back in. She looked a bit sad and tired. Arguments with you, often had that effect on people.

"So, you believe it now?" Mindy asked from her.

"I… Just get in" she said, bit agitated. "We'll explain a few things to you, since we believe we owe that to you."

"You're damn right" Chad spoke, and entered the room, the others quickly following suit.

Tara immediately walked over to you, and lay beside you on the bed, nudging herself into your side. Your heartrate was normal, and it filled her ears, relaxing your body, because it was proof, that you were alive, and would stay that way, at least for a little while longer. You placed a hand around her shoulders and kissed her forehead in response, as you too, relaxed into her.

You waited for everyone to be seated comfortably, and only afterwards did you start speaking. "Annabelle is our half-sister. She was loving, caring and overall a very nice person. Then, an incident happened. You see, since I was born, I've had a heart disease. I was a ticking time bomb, that wouldn't wait for long to show it's teeth." You told them about the symptoms you had, pained chest and all the other shitty things you have had to live through. You told them, that how it worsened when you were eight. Doctors gave you slim to none chance, of you surviving without a transplant, yet because of other circumstances, there were very little of those that were donated by donors that were compatible with you, and none of them were within arms-reach. The only one that could have been used, was that of your mothers. "We had many arguments over this. Neither me, nor Anna accepted the fact that this was the only way, yet I was hospitalized more and more. During one of these arguments and after me I having been stabilized in a hospital, my heart… gave up."

Tara felt you tense when you started talking about what had happened whilst you were blacked out. You were rushed in the surgery once again, but this time your mother accompanied you… and never came back. She felt your somberness, your sadness and your anger, and wished she could just take it away. Yet she couldn't.

Anika took over, since you couldn't continue talking. "Annabelle didn't take the news of the procedure well, so even before it began, she had to be sedated. None of us really know what happened, but she went mad. After waking up, she strangled the woman looking after her, and then brutally murdered all the doctors that had saved Y/N's life. After that, she came for us. She cracked in father's skull, knocked me out and almost killed Y/N too. Uncle Vasco saved us. Our father got sent to a rehab center, and has been there ever since. Annabelle got locked in an asylum, where only Y/N visited her."

"You said she died" Sam spoke. "How?"

"The institution burned to the ground two years later. Her burnt body had been identified."

Silence filled the room. You nestled into Tara more, and synchronized your breathing with hers. She couldn't describe the feelings flowing through her, there were simply too much. Rage, sorrow, anger, misery, fury, bitterness… It was overwhelming her. How could you be so cheery and happy after going through so much shit? Her admiration for you had never been stronger. Your heartrate slowly relaxed her again, yet the emotions didn't go away now. They were only dampened.

"How… How did we never hear about this?" Mindy asked. "It should have been all around the news!"

"It happened in 2011" you explained. "Same year Prescott returned to Woodsboro. We weren't big enough to rival the amount of waters she bothered, thank god. We were able to stay pretty much under the radar. Uncle dealt with the rest."

"You saying she is alive?"

"I'm almost certain. I don't know how she's alive, but it's her."

"So what now?" Tara asked sheepishly. She was afraid she would need to leave your side, and she quickly turned out right as you started scrambling out of bed.

"We kill her" you said, voice plain and emotionless.

Sam huffed at your statement. "A room full of cops couldn't deal with her, not speaking of your current state. You can't fight like this Y/N."

"My wound? Oh please" you mocked, as you reached the end of the bed. "It doesn't even hur- Motherfucker!" you exclaimed as pain rushed through your side after a sudden move.

"Case in point" Sam said.

"This won't stop me" you replied, more determined than ever. "Also, I have an advantage over her."

"And what would that be?"

"I know her weakness."

[blueberrypancakesworld]

The sunrise

warning : tiny angst, comfort, fluff, kissing, no use of Y/n

Jonathan Reid x fem!reader

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun would soon rise in the sky over London, allowing the city to breathe and, for a moment, restore its beauty. The nurse's gaze was both joyful and concerned as she looked to her doctor and love who stood opposite her. His gaze full of concentration as he tended to the last patient on his shift.

His night shift, which was every day, would be over by the time the sun came up. There was only one brief moment the two of them had together. The time when they met like two worlds.

When his darkness met the sun and their sun met his darkness. ,,That's it nurse Crane I'm going to call it a day" he announced to the older nurse who gave him an understandable look and said ,,You two take some time off and I'll see you on the next shift" before moving on to the next patient.

The concentration drained from his greyish green eyes as he looked to his love. A loving look settled into his eyes and she saw his lips twist into a small smile. She smiled back at him knowingly, looking forward to their kelin ritual.

He went ahead to the main hallway up the wooden stairs to his office. She followed him unobtrusively and was with him again when his office door closed. ,,I thought it would never end," he murmured and she heard his brief fear. She knew how attached he was to his patients, how he cherished them and held on to all of them.

She reached for his hand deathly cold and kissed it gently. She heard him smirk slightly, his hand resting on her cheek, both of them stained with light bloodstains, but it did not change her or his beauty. ,,Ready?" he asked, brushing a strand of hair from her face before lifting her into his arms with ease.

He held her close and was infinitely grateful for her trust, her love for her whole being. ,,Ready," she replied, feeling the tingle and brief dizziness take her as he dissolved into dark smoke with her. How he slipped out of the room and only a blink of an eye later they found themselves on the roof of the hospital.

The sun was still behind the large church and its rays had not yet fully crossed the city. ,,Are you all right, my little flower?" he asked as he saw her clinging to him for a moment, grateful that in his vampire state he could catch her at any moment. ,,Yes...thank you," she murmured and gave him a look of assurance as she slipped out of his embrace.

She gave him a soft kiss and felt him longing for her, yet letting her. She carefully made her way to the chimney that was perched on top of the hospital. A few days ago, the two of them had used wooden planks to make a small seat for her to sit on.

While her love sat on the other side of the chimney, his hand reached behind him and clasped hers. He felt her warmth and her heartbeat. Took in her life. ,,It's almost time" she heard him murmur and even though he didn't have a heartbeat anymore since he died she felt his excitement.

It was there every time, the excitement of the sun that was deadly and painful to him. ,,I'm here Jonathan" her voice rang out and she knew he nodded, grateful to her before the sun rose over the church, bathing London in a bright warm light. ,,Describe her to me, please," he demanded, as he did every time, as Jonathan hid behind the stones as best he could, seeing only the beams that passed beside him. How he was torn knew that if he touched them he would only feel pain. ,,It is warm and bright.

Almost serene it covers everything making the roofs and alleys turn a golden yellow it's like being you...it's engaging and beautiful" she replied and felt him squeeze her hand out of love and affection. Closing her eyes and enjoying the sun, she continued to describe to him what the sun was like, describing to him everything he could no longer do.

Before he interrupted her words with just a few simple, ,,I love you" before suddenly appearing in front of her. ,,Jonathan!" she shouted his name in fear, wanting to jump up and somehow protect him from the sun with her body. But his long heavy leather coat and hat protected him.

For a brief moment. A moment he used to kiss her in the sunlight and pull her close to him. It didn't matter that the pain slowly became more and more unbearable as the light seemed to eat through the clothes.

To see her in the light of life was simply beautiful. ,,I love you too, my heart," she murmured as he went up in smoke from her embrace and disappeared into the shadows again. His hand reached for hers again and they let the moment pass. But they both knew that she would do her ritual again the next morning.

Until even his heart could no longer see the sun. She would be turned into a vampyr. They both walked only in the icy cold dead light of the moon. But until then, the sunrises seemed endless.

~~~~~~~~~~

@thefictionalgemini , @storiesundercandlelight ,@writerwithlowselfesteem-blog ,@sashadeusxxx ,@merry--jelly

[andihavelovedyoubeautifully]

Taylor Swift Songs for Every Gilmore Girls Episode

Inspired by this amazing Bustle article

Season 1

S1 E1 – A Place in this World

Rory meeting her first crush just before she switches schools, trying to make sense of everything

I'm alone, on my own / And that's all I know / I'll be strong, I'll be wrong / Oh, but life goes on / Oh, I'm just a girl / Trying to find a place in this world

S1 E2 – Mean

Introduction to Paris, who is determined to make Rory's life at Chilton a living hell

You, with your switching sides / And your wildfire lies and your humiliation / You have pointed out my flaws again / As if I don't already see them / I walk with my head down, trying to block you out / 'Cause I'll never impress you / I just wanna feel okay again

S1 E3 – You Need to Calm Down

Lorelai’s dramatic overreaction and fight with Rory about spending time with her grandparents

You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace

S1 E4 – Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Rory lashing out at Paris and Tristan when she misses her big test, feeling weighted down by the pressure of Chilton

I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean / “Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth” / Who's afraid of little old me?

S1 E5 – Sparks Fly

Sparks are flying between both Lorelai & Max (My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea) and Rory & Dean (And you stood there in front of me just / Close enough to touch)

S1 E6 – Never Grow Up

Lorelai’s tradition of waking Rory up at the time of her birth to tell her the story, while she reflects on Rory turning 16/getting older

I won't let nobody hurt you / Won't let no one break your heart / And no one will desert you / Just try to never grow up

S1 E7 – Fearless

Dean and Rory's first kiss in Doose’s

You pull me in and I'm a little more brave / It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something, it's fearless

S1 E8 – gold rush

Lane having her first crush and accidentally running her fingers through his hair

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos

S1 E9 – Today Was a Fairytale

Rory and Dean's first dance together

But can you feel this magic in the air? / It must've been the way you kissed me / Fell in love when I saw you standing there / It must've been the way, today was a fairytale

S1 E10 – Soon You'll Get Better

Richard's hospital visit, and how it affects the whole family

The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair / In doctor's office lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared / Soon you’ll get better / ‘Cause you have to

S1 E11 – This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Paris spreading gossip about Lorelai and Max just to hurt Rory

Did you think I wouldn't hear all the things you said about me? / This is why we can't have nice things

S1 E12 – You Belong With Me

Luke attempting to ask Lorelai out after her disastrous double date

If you could see that I'm the one / Who understands you / Been here all along / So, why can't you see? / You belong with me

S1 E13 – Bejeweled

This song fits the fun, sparkly concert vibe of the Bangles episode ✨

What's a girl gonna do? / I polish up nice / Best believe I'm still bejeweled / When I walk in the room / I can still make the whole place shimmer

S1 E14 – Everything Has Changed

Rory & Dean’s special date night (You'll be mine and I'll be yours / All I know since yesterday / Is everything has changed) and Luke openly flirting with Lorelai as they plan to paint the diner (And all my walls / Stood tall painted blue / But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down / And open up the door for you)

S1 E15 – betty

Lorelai realizing she let Luke down when she missed their painting date and showing up at the diner to beg his forgiveness

The only thing I wanna do / Is make it up to you

S1 E16 – cardigan

Rachel coming back into town to try to reignite her and Luke’s old romance

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss / I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs / And when I felt like I was an old cardigan / Under someone's bed / You put me on and said I was your favorite

S1 E17 – If This Were A Movie

Rory pining for Dean and wallowing after their breakup

Come back, come back, come back to me like / You would, you would if this was a movie / Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out / I know that we could work it out somehow / But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

S1 E18 – Foolish One

Paris falling for Tristan while he never had real feelings for her

You give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high / Wishful thoughts forget to mention when something's really not right / And I will block out these voices of reason in my head

S1 E19 – All of the Girls You've Loved Before

Lorelai learns more about Rachel and realizes how Luke & Rachel's past relationship shaped him into the man he is today

Your mother brought you up loyal and kind / Teenage love taught you there's good in goodbye / Every woman that you knew brought you here

S1 E20 – Bye Bye Baby

Rachel’s POV as she leaves Luke, knowing it's over for good this time

Bye, bye, baby / I want you bad but it's come down to nothing / And all I have is your sympathy / 'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

S1 E21 – That's When

Rory finally telling Dean she loves him and the two of them reuniting

I said, "I know" / When you said, "I did you wrong, made mistakes / And put you through all of this" / Then through the phone / Came all your tears / And I said "Leave those all in our past" / And you said "When can I come back?"

Season 2

S2 E1 – But Daddy I Love Him

Rory standing up to Richard when he criticizes Dean at Friday Night dinner

He was chaos, he was revelry / If all you want is gray for me / Then it's just white noise, and it's my choice / Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"

S2 E2 – Stay Beautiful

Luke coming to Lorelai's engagement party alone and watching her dance with Max

And when you find everything you've looked for / I hope your love leads you back to my door / Oh, but if it don't, stay beautiful

S2 E3 – Midnight Rain

Lorelai calls it off with Max because she realizes they aren’t the right fit and she doesn’t really love him

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain / He wanted it comfortable / I wanted that pain / He wanted a bride / I was making my own name

S2 E4 – Getaway Car

Lorelai and Rory hit the road after Lorelai calls off the wedding

I was ridin' in a getaway car / I was cryin' in a getaway car / I was dyin' in a getaway car / Said goodbye in a getaway car

S2 E5 – I Hate It Here

Jess arrives in Stars Hollow and hates the small town feel, often turning to books for escape

I'm lonely but I'm good / I'm bitter but I swear I'm fine / I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I'll get lost on purpose / This place made me feel worthless

S2 E6 – Glitch

Lorelai is clearly falling for Chris again before he reveals (awkwardly late in the game) that he's seeing someone and she snaps out of it; this matches the “counterfeit” nature of the relationship portrayed in Glitch

I think there's been a glitch / Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch / And I'm not even sorry / Nights are so starry, blood moonlit / It must be counterfeit

S2 E7 – Shake It Off

Rory does indeed shake it off in this episode! She stands up for herself against Headmaster Charleston for unduly pressuring her to be more social, and then ends the episode doing exactly what she was criticized for doing before - reading alone at lunch and still ✨thriving✨

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play / And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate / Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake / I shake it off, I shake it off

S2 E8 – I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

Rory calls Jess out for making life harder for Luke, and he actually takes her words to heart

And I could see it from a mile away / A perfect case for my certain skillset / He had a halo of the highest grade / He just hadn't met me yet

S2 E9 – long story short

Rory feeling guilty about her kiss with Tristan that she didn’t tell Dean about

Pushed from the precipice / Clung to the nearest lips / Long story short, it was the wrong guy

S2 E10 – I Can See You

Jess & Rory's emotional affair continues, with Jess crashing Rory's sleigh ride and her furtive glance at him at the end of the episode (that Dean definitely notices)

But what would you do if I went to touch you now? / What would you do if they never found us out? / What would you do if we never made a sound? / ‘Cause I can see you

S2 E11 – dorothea

Lane and Rory begin drifting apart after Rory starts going to Chilton, but at the end of the day, they always find a way back to each other

Hey Dorothea / Do you ever stop and think about me? / When we were younger / Down in the park / Honey, making a lark of the misery / You got shiny friends since you left town / A tiny screen's the only place I see you now / And I got nothing but well wishes for ya

S2 E12 – Dear Reader

This song captures Richard’s loneliness and listlessness in this episode, as well as the irony of him constantly badgering Lori with unsolicited advice about her life & job when he is unemployed and clearly miserable

If you knew where I was walking / To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there / No one sees when you lose / When you're playing solitaire

S2 E13 – Guilty As Sin?

Rory and Jess continue developing more-than-friend feelings for each other

Without ever touchin’ his skin / how can I be guilty as sin?

S2 E14 – White Horse

Lorelai reacting to Christopher’s new relationship and realizing she had always been waiting on him

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down / Now it's too late for you and your white horse / To come around

S2 E15 – I Did Something Bad

Jess steals Dean's bracelet from Rory and clearly gives no fucks about Lorelai catching him returning it

S2 E16 – no body, no crime

Paris comes through in a big way to cover for Rory with Dean, like a true ride or die friend

S2 E17 – It's Nice to Have a Friend

Lorelai is there as a steadfast friend for Luke while he plans for his uncle’s funeral, helping cover for him at the diner and comforting him when his family doesn't show

S2 E18 - right where you left me

A very forlorn Dean sitting on the Gilmore porch at the end of the episode, waiting for Rory

If our love died young, I can't bear witness / And it's been so long / But if you ever think you got it wrong / I'm right where you left me

S2 E19 – Out of the Woods

Jess & Rory get in a car accident, a metaphor for their connection getting a little too real, a little too fast

Are we out of the woods? / Remember when you hit the brakes too soon? / 20 stitches in a hospital room / When you started crying, baby, I did too / But when the sun came up, I was looking at you

S2 E20 – State of Grace

Rory and Jess dealing with the fallout from the accident and the town and Rory's family turning against him, all while harboring feelings for each other

So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong

S2 E21 – Treacherous

Rory drops everything to visit Jess in New York and misses Lorelai's graduation

I'd be smart to walk away / But you're quicksand / This slope is treacherous / And I, I, I like it

S2 E22 –

Fortnight

Lorelai and Christopher’s brief romantic night together before the bomb drops about Sherry's pregnancy

I love you, it's ruining my life / I touched you for only a fortnight

ivy

Rory kissing Jess at Sookie’s wedding when she's still with Dean

Oh, goddamn / My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / Taking mine, but it's been promised to another / Oh, I can't / Stop you putting roots in my dreamland / My house of stone, your ivy grows / And now I'm covered in you

Season 3

S3 E1 –

The Prophecy

Lorelai talking to Luke, wishing she could find “the whole package” in a partner

Please / I've been on my knees / Change the prophecy / Don't want money / Just someone who wants my company

Cruel Summer

Rory’s overt jealousy over seeing Jess with Shane

Killing me slow, out the window / I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below / Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

S3 E2 – The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Christopher trying in vain to fix things with Lorelai after he already chose Sherry

And in plain sight you hid / But you are what you did / And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive / The smallest man who ever lived

S3 E3 – Delicate

Lane and Dave meeting for the first time and Lane being head-over-heels for him

Is it cool that I said all that? / Is it chill that you're in my head? / 'Cause I know that it's delicate

S3 E4 – Last Great American Dynasty

LGAD’s themes relate perfectly to Lane’s hair-dying rebellion in this episode, as well as the Stars Hollow High students’ fascination with Lorelai’s teen mom journey

There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / She had a marvelous time ruinin' everything

S3 E5 – Dancing With Our Hands Tied

This song about the frustration of having to hide a relationship relates well to this episode when Jess fixes the sprinklers for Rory, but turns them back on to allow Dean to come and be the hero – all the while, the two are pushing down their secret feelings for each other

I, I loved you in secret / First sight, yeah, we love without reason

S3 E6 – Look What You Made Me Do

Lorelai & Rory devil egging Jess’ car, classic 😂

S3 E7 – High Infidelity

Rory is unable to hide her feelings for Jess (in PUBLIC, no less) and Dean finally breaks up with her

You know there's many different ways / That you can kill the one you love / The slowest way is never loving them enough

S3 E8 – Don't You

When Rory visits Dean to apologize, this song captures how much it hurts him to know she’s moving on with someone else

Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been / Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again / You don't know how much I feel I love you still

S3 E9 – Stay, Stay, Stay

Luke secretly being disappointed that Lorelai and Rory were going to skip his Thanksgiving! So pure

Stay, stay, stay / I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time / You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad / But I think that it's best if we both stay

S3 E10 – coney island

This song always reminds me of Jess’ clear lack of interest in going to the carnival with Rory until he hears Dean is coming, especially the line sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

S3 E11 – Bad Blood

Francie causing the rift between Rory and Paris

Did you think we'd be fine? / Still got scars on my back from your knife / So don't think it's in the past / These kinds of wounds they last and they last

S3 E12 – Invisible

Luke teaching Lorelai to fish so she can go on a date with Alex

And all I think about is how to make you think of me / And everything that we could be

S3 E13 – You're On Your Own Kid

This song is the perfect soundtrack for 16-year old Lorelai having Rory and leaving home

You're on your own, kid / Yeah, you can face this / You're on your own, kid / You always have been

S3 E14 – Welcome to New York

Sookie, Jackson, Lorelai, and Alex all going to New York City for date night

S3 E15 – willow

Rory waiting by the phone for Jess to call

Wherever you stray, I follow / I'm begging for you to take my hand / Wreck my plans / That's my man

S3 E16 – The Man

Paris having her public meltdown about not getting into her dream school and thinking it's because she slept with Jamie; this episode speaks to the double standard between men/women when it comes to sex and promiscuity

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I'd get there quicker / If I was a man / And I'm so sick of them coming at me again / 'Cause if I was a man / Then I'd be the man

S3 E17 – Wildest Dreams

Lorelai telling Like about the dream she had about them being married and pregnant with twins

Say you'll see me again / Even if it's just in your wildest dreams

S3 E18 – Starlight

Rory surprising Lorelai with a big birthday bash

The whole place / Was dressed to the nines / And we were dancing, dancing / Like we're made of starlight

S3 E19 – My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Jess being a dick to Rory at the party and getting in a fight with Dean

My boy only breaks his favorite toys / I'm queen of sand castles he destroys / Cause it fit too right / Puzzle pieces in the dead of night / Should've known it was a matter of time / Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys

S3 E20 – All You Had to Do Was Stay

Jess planning to leave town but never telling Rory, abruptly ending their relationship

I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made / People like you always want back the love they pushed aside / But people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye

S3 E21 – I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Rory doing her best to move on after Jess’ sudden departure

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit / They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did

S3 E22 – the 1

Rory calls Jess to finally end things for good

I persist and resist the temptation to ask you / If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today? But it would've been fun / If you would've been the one

Season 4

S4 E1 – We Were Happy

Luke realizing he made a mistake getting married to Nicole so quickly

Oh, I hate those voices / Tellin' me I'm not in love anymore / But they don't give me choices

S4 E2 – The Best Day

Rory immediately misses Lorelai after moving into her dorm and calls her back to Yale for a sleepover

I love you for giving me your eyes / Staying back and watching me shine and / I didn't know if you knew / So I'm taking this chance to say / That I had the best day with you today

S4 E3 – Tied Together with a Smile

As it turns out it, Sookie has been harboring secret fears about her impending motherhood, and Lorelai is there to reassure and comfort her

S4 E4 – I Almost Do

Drunk Dean still pining for Rory at his bachelor party

And I just wanna tell you / It takes everything in me not to call you / And I wish I could run to you / And I hope you know that every time I don't / I almost do

S4 E5 – Untouchable

How I imagine Luke felt as he died a thousand silent deaths during his first ~totally platonic~ movie night with Lorelai

Untouchable like a distant diamond sky / I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why / I'm caught up in you / Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun / And when you're close, I feel like coming undone

S4 E6 – Jump Then Fall

Kirk and Lulu’s first date is adorable and magical, just like this song

I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard / I like the way I can't keep my focus / I watch you talk, you didn't notice / I hear the words but all I can think is, we should be together

S4 E7 – King of My Heart

Lorelai's (pleasant) surprise at Jason asking her out and their instant attraction to each other

Late in the night, the city's asleep / Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep / Change my priorities / The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

S4 E8 – Anti-Hero

Rory writes a mean-spirited review of a ballerina and has to deal with the blowback (not that she takes much responsibility for it)

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me

S4 E9 – mad woman

Emily's (completely valid) reaction to learning Richard has been lying for years about meeting Pennilyn Lott

Every time you call me crazy / I get more crazy / What about that? / And when you say I seem angry / I get more angry / And there's nothin' like a mad woman

S4 E10 – Dress

Lorelai and Jason's steamy, secret love affair

You made your mark on me, golden tattoo / Only bought this dress so you could take it off

S4 E11 – Say Don’t Go

Lorelai clearly feeling upset and betrayed by Luke’s alleged move, with Luke pressing her to admit why she cares so much

I'm holdin' out hope for you to / Say, "Don't go" / I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go"

S4 E12 – closure

Rory has moved on enough that she doesn't need closure from Jess, but she’s still clearly affected seeing him back in town

It wasn't right / The way it all went down / Looks like you know that now

S4 E13 – Back to December

Jess comes back to town and tells Rory he loves her, knowing it won't change anything

So this is me swallowin' my pride / Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night / And I go back to December all the time / It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you / Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine / I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright / I go back to December all the time

S4 E14 – The Archer

Rory and Lorelai fall apart from the pressure in their lives and turn to Dean and Luke for support

All the king's horses, all the king's men / Couldn't put me together again / Help me hold on to you

S4 E15 – tolerate it

Emily goes on a wild shopping spree while feeling ignored by Richard, and he doesn't even notice the new apples she bought for the dining table, claiming he’s always liked them

Lay the table with the fancy shit / And watch you tolerate it / If it's all in my head tell me now / Tell me I've got it wrong somehow / I know my love should be celebrated / But you tolerate it

S4 E16 – Safe and Sound

Richard navigating the grief of losing his mother by locking himself away in his office to block out the outside world

Don't you dare look out your window, darling, everything's on fire / The war outside our door keeps raging on / Hold onto this lullaby even when the music's gone

S4 E17 – Florida!!!

Rory & Paris head to Florida for spring break and they drink, party, and even kiss

Florida... is one hell of a drug

S4 E18 – False God

Jason and Lorelai’s relationship is exposed, marking the beginning of the end for them

Religion's in your lips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship / We might just get away with it / The altar is my hips / Even if it's a false god

S4 E19 – Wonderland

Lorelai snaps back to reality when Jason goes after her father, and she breaks up with him

I reached for you / But you were gone / I knew I had to go back home / You search the world for something else / To make you feel like what we had / And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad

S4 E20 –

Electric Touch

Luke realizing he has feelings for Lorelai and acting on them by asking her to the wedding; All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life

The Manuscript

Paris reflects on her relationship with Asher and the age difference after he has a heart attack scare; She thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years / Everything had been above board / She wasn't sure

S4 E21 –

The Last Time

Jess making one final plea for Rory to leave with him

Find myself at your door / Just like all those times before / I'm not sure how I got there / All roads, they lead me here

Daylight

Luke & Lorelai's first dance together

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you / I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you / I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night / And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

S4 E22 – invisible string

Luke and Lorelai finally acting on their mutual feelings for each other

And isn't it just so pretty to think / All along there was some / Invisible string / Tying you to me?

Season 5

S5 E1 – Our Song

This rollicking couples anthem is a fitting representation of Rory and Dean’s cringey opening scene, trying to pick a theme song after they just did the ~nasty

S5 E2 – august

Lindsay finds out about Rory & Dean’s infidelity and they have to deal with the consequences of their actions

So much for summer love and saying "us" / 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

S5 E3 – cowboy like me

Luke & Lorelai committing to their relationship; “I am all in”

I've had some tricks up my sleeve / Takes one to know one / You're a cowboy like me

S5 E4 – ‘tis the damn season

Rory and Dean try to come back together like old times

'Tis the damn season, write this down / I'm stayin' at my parents' house / And the road not taken looks real good now / And it always leads to you in my hometown

S5 E5 – Snow on the Beach

Zack finally confesses his feelings to Lane and they realize they feel the same about each other

Are we falling like snow on the beach? / Weird but fucking beautiful / Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful / You wanting me tonight feels impossible / But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around / Like snow on the beach

S5 E6 – Mastermind

Rory pursuing the story of the Life and Death Brigade mystery and getting closer to Logan in the process, as if it was all planned out

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail / Strategy sets the scene for the tale / I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails / And the liquor in our cocktails

S5 E7 – Enchanted

The beginning of Rory & Logan’s whirlwind love story - compete with ballgown ✨

This is me praying that / This was the very first page / Not where the story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again / These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon / I was enchanted to meet you

S5 E8 – Last Kiss

Dean realizing he doesn't belong with Rory anymore and ending things for good

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe / And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are / Hope it's nice where you are

S5 E9 – The Way I Loved You

Emily going on a date with someone new after the separation from Richard and crying afterwards

He can't see the smile I'm faking / And my heart's not breaking / 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

S5 E10 – So It Goes…

Paris & Doyle’s spontaneous hook-up after speed dating

And all the pieces fall, right into place / Getting caught up in a moment / Lipstick on your face, so it goes / I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose

S5 E11 – seven

Lorelai being there for Christopher after his dad dies because of their long history (even though Straub was an asshole)

And I've been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / Your dad is always mad and that must be why / And I think you should come live with / Me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

S5 E12 – Timeless

Richard and Emily finally reconciling because like them or not, they're definitely soulmates

I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray / We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made / And you'll say, “Oh my, we really were timeless”

S5 E13 – How Did It End?

Luke and Lorelai breaking up after the wedding and the town seeing they returned separately, starting the rumor mill

Guess who we ran into at the shops? / Walking in circles like she was lost / Didn't you hear? They called it all off / One gasp and then / How did it end?

S5 E14 – Hits Different

Lorelai reeling from the breakup, knowing Luke was the one

Movin' on was always easy for me to do / It hits different / It hits different 'cause it's you

S5 E15 – Death By a Thousand Cuts

Luke and Lorelai still pining for each other during the Fiddler on the Roof love song

And what once was ours is no one's now / I see you everywhere / The only thing we share / Is this small town / You said it was a great love / One for the ages / But if the story's over / Why am I still writing pages? / 'Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

S5 E16 – Afterglow

Afterglow is the perfect song to play when Luke comes to Lorelai’s house to reconcile

It's all me, in my head / I'm the one who burned us down / But it's not what I meant / I'm sorry that I hurt you / I don't wanna do this to you / I don't wanna lose this with you

S5 E17 – Blank Space

Logan getting jealous when Rory goes to the party with Robert and acting a fool

'Cause we're young, and we're reckless / We'll take this way too far / It'll leave you breathless, mm / Or with a nasty scar

S5 E18 – Now That We Don't Talk

Rory and Logan’s communication has gone cold in this episode

I call my mom, she said that it was for the best / Remind myself the more I gave, you'd want me less / I cannot be your friend / So I pay the price of what I lost / And what it cost / Now that we don't talk

S5 E19 – I Know Places

Logan extricating Rory from his disastrous family dinner

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it / Loose lips sink ships all the damn time / Not this time

S5 E20 – I Knew You Were Trouble

Lorelai is clearly not a huge fan of Logan’s antics in this episode, and she calls him out on it

I knew you were trouble when you walked in

S5 E21 –

New Year's Day

This song is the perfect fit for the sweet scene in the limo between Luke & Lorelai

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi / I can tell that it's gonna be a long road / I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe / Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

Fresh Out the Slammer

The theme song for when Rory & Logan get arrested for stealing the yacht

Now, pretty baby, I'm running back home to you / Fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to

S5 E22 – this is me trying

Rory’s fallout with Lorelai and quitting Yale

They told me all of my cages were mental / So I got wasted like all my potential / And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that / I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere / Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Season 6

S6 E1 – Lover

Luke accepting Lorelai’s marriage proposal and talking about having kids together someday

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover / My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you

S6 E2 – The Bolter

Lorelai promises Sookie she's “not going to bolt” this time with Luke

S6 E3 – You Are In Love

Luke staying up all night to take care of Paul Anka (even though he claims to not even like dogs) because of how much he loves Lorelai

Morning, his place / Burnt toast, Sunday / You keep his shirt / He keeps his word / And for once, you let go / Of your fears and your ghosts

S6 E4 – my tears ricochet

Rory and Lorelai continuing their feud and barely speaking to each other

And I can go anywhere I want / Anywhere I want, just not home

S6 E5 – thanK you aIMee

Rory seeing the Huntzburgers again at the DAR event after they insulted her at dinner and Mitchum told her she couldn’t hack it as a journalist

And it was always the same searing pain / But I dreamed that one day, I could say / All that time you were throwing punches / I was building something / And I can't forgive the way you made me feel

S6 E6 – Crazier

Rory telling Logan she loves him for the first time

You lift my feet off the ground / You spin me around / You make me crazier, crazier / Feels like I'm falling and I / I'm lost in your eyes / You make me crazier, crazier, crazier

S6 E7 – Sad Beautiful Tragic

The tragic nature of this song fits Lorelai and Rory reuniting for the first time since their separation and realizing they’re basically strangers

Distance, timing / Breakdown, fighting / Silence, the train runs off its tracks

S6 E8 –

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Jess and Logan meeting for the first time, and Jess being taken aback that Rory would ever date a guy like that

You saw my bones out with somebody new / Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school / And you just watched it happen

Style

Jess being the only one who knows Rory well enough to call her out about her decision to leave school

You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye / And I got that red lip classic thing that you like / And when we go crashing down, we come back every time / 'Cause we never go out of style

S6 E9 – Innocent

Rory finally comes home and deals with her shit

Time turns flames to embers / You'll have new Septembers / Every one of us has messed up too / Minds change like the weather / I hope you remember / Today is never too late to be brand new

S6 E10 – You’re Not Sorry

Lane breaks up with Zack after he sabotages their gig

You don't have to call anymore / I won't pick up the phone / This is the last straw / Don't wanna hurt anymore / And you can tell me that you're sorry / But I don't believe you baby / Like I did before / You're not sorry

S6 E11 – 22

Lorelai and Rory go to Atlantic City to celebrate her birthday

It seems like one of those nights / We ditch the whole scene / And end up dreaming instead of sleeping / I don't know about you / But I'm feeling 22

S6 E12 – Maroon

This song relates to two Gilmore relationships on the rocks in this episode - Logan doing everything he can to earn Rory back with flowers, gifts, and words; “You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway / Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us” and Lorelai learning that Luke kept April from her; “When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy / How the hell did we lose sight of us again?”

S6 E13 – The Alchemy

Logan saving the day at the Yale Daily News

Cheers chanted, ‘cause they said / There was no chance, trying to be / The greatest in the league / Where's the trophy? / He just comes running over to me / Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

S6 E14 – Karma

Paris alienating the entire Daily News staff, getting ousted, and then turning on Rory when she gets the editor position

You're talking shit for the hell of it / Addicted to betrayal, but you're relevant / You're terrified to look down / 'Cause if you dare, you'll see the glare / Of everyone you burned just to get there / It's coming back around

S6 E15 – you're losing me

Luke being a complete jerk to Lorelai at Martha’s Vineyard when she’s trying desperately to reconnect with him

Do something, babe, say something / Lose something, babe, risk something / Choose something, babe, I got nothing / To believe / Unless you're choosin' me / You're losin' me / Stop, you're losin' me

S6 E16 – Babe

Rory learning that Logan slept with all of Honor’s bridesmaids during their separation

Since you admitted it, I keep picturing / Her lips on your neck, I can't unsee it / I hate that because of you, I can't love you, babe

S6 E17 – Renegade

Lorelai struggling with Luke shutting her out when it comes to April

Is it insensitive for me to say / Get your shit together? / So I can love you / Is it really your anxiety / That stops you from giving me everything? / Or do you just not want to?

S6 E18 – Sweeter Than Fiction

Rory seeing Jess’ success as a writer and telling him how proud she is of what he has achieved

I'll be one of the many saying / Look at you now / I'll be one of the many saying / You made us proud

S6 E19 – Paper Rings

Lane and Zack get married in this episode, and Paper Rings feels like the perfect soundtrack for their friends-to-lovers story

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings / Uh huh, that's right / Darling, you're the one I want and / I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

S6 E20 – Labyrinth

Rory falling back in love with Logan after she almost lost him to the accident

Oh, I'm falling in love / I thought the plane was going down / How'd you turn it right around?

S6 E21 – it’s time to go

Lorelai realizing the wedding with Luke isn’t going to happen

That old familiar body ache / The snaps from the same little breaks in your soul / You know when it's time to go

S6 E22 – So Long, London

Lorelai giving her final ultimatum to Luke and then sleeping with Christopher

You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? / I died on the altar waiting for the proof

Season 7

S7 E1 –

Come Back… Be Here

Rory missing Logan in London

This is falling in love in the cruelest way / This is falling for you and you are worlds away / But you're in London, and I break down / 'Cause it's not fair that you're not around

Castles Crumbling

Lorelai having to tell Luke that she slept with Christopher

Never wanted you to hate me / My castle's crumbling down / And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground / And you don't want to know me / I will just let you down

S7 E2 – Would've, Could've, Should've

Lane’s regret at her life being turned upside down by such an early pregnancy instead of being able to follow her musical dreams

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first :(

S7 E3 – The Tortured Poets Department

This song is a good metaphor for the words-based connection that Rory develops with Logan to deal with the long-distance; Who else decodes you?

S7 E4 – New Romantics

A fun girl anthem to commemorate Rory meeting Lucy and Olivia in this episode

We are too busy dancing / To get knocked off our feet / Baby, we're the new romantics / The best people in life are free

S7 E5 – The Outside

Rory feeling like she doesn’t belong in Logan’s new business world

And I can still see you, this ain't the best view / On the outside looking in / I've been a lot of lonely places / I've never been on the outside

S7 E6 – The Black Dog

This song is fitting for Luke's attempt to move on from Lorelai by going on a date at a vegan restaurant with April’s swim coach who he has absolutely nothing in common with

I move through the world with the heartbroken / My longings stay unspoken / And I may never open up the way I did for you

S7 E7 – Paris

Christopher & Lorelai get married in Paris; cue Chris singing I wanna brainwash you / Into loving me forever

S7 E8 – Suburban Legends

Rory and Logan going to his fancy work party together, then falling out when Rory judges everyone not realizing that she's one of them

You were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious / Flush with the currency of cool / I was always turning out my empty pockets

S7 E9 – So High School

Paris & Doyle aggressively tearing up at the dance floor at Lucy’s 2002 party is peak high school vibes

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? / It's just a game, but really / I'm bettin' on all three for us two / Get my car door, isn't that sweet? / / Then pull me to the backseat / No one's ever had me, not like you

S7 E10 – The Story of Us

Christopher realizing that he rushed Lorelai into marriage before she was ready and now she’s becoming distant

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room / And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know / Is it killing you like it's killing me?

S7 E12 – exile

Chris finding the character reference for Luke and realizing he was always Lorelai’s second choice

All this time, I never learned to read your mind / I couldn't turn things around / 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

S7 E13 – The Moment I Knew

Christopher ignoring Lorelai’s calls when Richard winds up in the hospital again, while Luke immediately shows up with food and offers to help

You called me later / And said, "I'm sorry, I didn't make it" / And I said, "I'm sorry too" / And that was the moment I knew

S7 E14 – Better Man

Lorelai and Chris ending their marriage; this song is especially relevant to Lorelai’s “You're the man I want to want” line

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again / But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man / But I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand / But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man

S7 E15 – Tell Me Why

Emily going from complimenting Lorelai about her independence to being cold and uncaring again in the morning

And here's to you and your temper / Yes, I remember what you said last night / And I know that you see what you're doing to me / Tell me why

S7 E16 – Robin

An ode to Lane’s unborn sons ❤️

Way to go, tiger / Higher and higher / Wilder and lighter / For you / Long may you roar / At your dinosaurs

S7 E17 – Peter

This song represents Logan's Peter Pan regression in this episode, when Rory fights with him about his immature reaction to his business deal going wrong

I hoped you'd return / With your feet on the ground / Tell me all that you'd learned / 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

S7 E18 – Clean

Lorelai has finally washed her hands of Christopher and is ready to move on, and she & Luke reconnect to talk about where things went wrong

Rain came pouring down / When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe / And by morning / Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

S7 E19 – I'm Only Me When I'm With You

Luke and Lorelai fight about buying a new Jeep, and it's a welcome return to normalcy for them

Well, you drive me crazy half the time / The other half I'm only trying / To let you know that what I feel is true / And I'm only me when I'm with you

S7 E20 – loml

Lorelai bares her soul for Luke at karaoke, clearly still feeling the loss of him

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary / You and I go from one kiss to getting married / Still alive, killing time at the cemetery / Never quite buried / You're the loss of my life

S7 E21 – Champagne Problems

Rory turning down Logan's marriage proposal

Your mom's ring in your pocket / My picture in your wallet / Your heart was glass, I dropped it / Champagne problems

S7 E22 – This Love

Luke and Lorelai finally reuniting after all they've been through; this is the THE Luke & Lorelai song in my book

This love is good / This love is bad / This love is alive back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free / This love came back to me

A Year in the Life

Winter – marjorie

The Gilmores grieving the loss of Richard

And if I didn't know better / I'd think you were listening to me now / If I didn't know better / I'd think you were still around / What died didn't stay dead / What died didn't stay dead / You're alive, you're alive in my head

Spring – Nothing New

Rory floundering, trying to find a career and purpose; this is absolutely the most Rory-coded song of Taylor’s

Lord, what will become of me / Once I've lost my novelty?

And I wake up in the middle of the night / It's like I can feel time moving / How can a person know everythin' at 18 / But nothin' at 22? / And will you still want me / When I'm nothing new?

Summer – illicit affairs

Rory finally breaks things off with Logan after months of cheating

Take the road less traveled by / Tell yourself you can always stop / What started in beautiful rooms / Ends with meetings in parking lots / And that's the thing about illicit affairs / And clandestine meetings and stolen stares / They show their truth one single time / But they lie, and they lie, and they lie / A million little times

Fall –

Sweet Nothing

Luke and Lorelai finally getting married, never happier

You're in the kitchen humming / All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

All Too Well

Jess still pining for Rory as one of the last shots of the series

'Cause there we are again on that little town street / You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me / Wind in my hair, I was there / I remember it all too well

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

[sirfrogsworth]

My dad and I had a very long day but we are starting to figure some things out.

His main issue is circulation to his right foot. That is causing most of his pain and discomfort. His right big toe is a goner. But if they can restore circulation to his foot with a stent, then that is all he will lose. But there is a major worry that he could lose half his foot or all of his foot or even part of his leg if the catheter procedure with the stent is unable to improve circulation.

The more foot they take, the harder it will be to walk. And if he can't walk at all, I might not be able to take care of him. And that would suck for a myriad of reasons. My possible homelessness being a real concern.

The podiatrist was real doom and gloom about all the possible amputations and scared my dad with worst case scenarios. I didn't appreciate that. I mean, I know he had to present all the possible outcomes, but can we at least do the procedure tomorrow before we talk about losing a leg? I don't know.

That said, we are told this doctor that puts in the stents is one of the best in the world. He has won awards for this and everything. So if anyone can save my dad's foot, it is him.

I still think my dad has an infection. He was pretty lucid today, but for the last 30 minutes he has been seriously hallucinating. I can still communicate with him, but he is very loopy. He hasn't slept all day and they gave him a Percocet and that made him quite, umm... high as balls. So if there is an infection combined with no sleep and an opioid med, I would guess that is a recipe for delirium. They are going to give him an Ambien tonight so I am hoping he'll get some long deep sleep and hopefully that will fix the delirious state he is in. It has worked in the past.

I had a great conversation with his kidney doctor today. She is wonderful and I wish we saw her more often. She is one of the smartest doctors I think I've ever encountered but also incredibly kind, funny, and empathetic. She reminded me of a cordial Black auntie but like with a Mensa membership. She went from complimenting my dad's silver hair and making fun of her husband for using Just For Men hair dye to hacking the hospital computer to find my dad's sleep study results that we have been unable to obtain since July... and then perfectly interpreting them without being a sleep specialist.

She is not just proficient in kidney issues, but she seems to have well above average knowledge of many medical issues outside her purview. She gave us some great advice on a variety of problems my dad is facing. She also gave a great explanation on why my dad has issues with his breathing and requires constant oxygen. Can you believe after all this time no one has been able to give me a good answer on why he needs oxygen? I've had several doctors just say they didn't know. But I ask her and she tells me his lungs have trouble inflating all the way. I forgot the medical term, but he can not inhale deeply. So it's like working with half lung capacity at all times. She recommended a breathing exercise toy thingie. It's like a game where you inhale and try to lift a little ball. You do your exercises every day and hopefully increase the power of your suck over time.

After (hopefully) fixing the foot, my secondary concern is my dad's mental decline. He was lucid in the morning and most of the afternoon. But after a Percocet he was grabbing for imaginary pills in the air and trying to eat them. It is very hard to take care of him when he has these episodes. Especially since he gets them at night. I am not able to sleep when this happens. He becomes a danger to himself and sometimes tries to get up and walk places when he doesn't have the balance. One time he tried cooking raw potatoes on the stove top and nearly burned himself. He just put whole ass potatoes in a hot pan and thought he was cooking them for my mom. That was a very difficult night. But until last week he hadn't had an episode in nearly a year.

So I am hoping once the infection is completely gone and he is back in his own bed and able to get quality rest, these events will be rare again. But I am worried they may be a more common occurrence and I will have to adapt my caretaking to accommodate them. Perhaps I could sleep in the morning and afternoon instead of late evening. I dunno.

Anyway, his catheter procedure is in the morning and then I think he has dialysis. Since he won't be in his room most of the day, tomorrow might be a rest day for me. I'll stay home and try to catch up on all the sleep I've lost.

We are working it out. I think my dad has a decent prognosis at this point. But there are still many things that could go wrong. I am choosing to be optimistic at this point.

One final thought... my dad's medical care would be substantially worse if I was not there to advocate for him. It makes me feel sad for all of the elderly people out there who don't have someone to speak on their behalf trying to get them the best medical care possible. Like, if I didn't tell them he needs Ambien to sleep in the hospital, he could be so far into delirium right now that they would be unable to communicate with him at all.

[girlbossblackbeard]

s2 brain thoughts: the squeakuel (ep 2)

as a reminder, if u see me posting any of these points as their own posts mind ur business:

-i'm sending my hospital bills to david jenkins for weaponizing thef cuking "you wear fine things well" scene WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING i literally almost choked to death from shock

-hey so what the whole actual fuck is up with transitioning directly from the very painful "you wear fine things well" scene which, as we've already established, has REAL HUMAN CASUALTIES DUE TO THIS USE-CASE, into the "run from me darling" lyric overlayed on top of the god damn shot of ed pAINTING THE BRIDE CAKE TOPPER TO LOOK LIKE HIM AND BASICALLY PLAYING OUT HIS FANTASY OF MARRYING STEDE. david jenkins you have committed crimes

-also!!!!!!!!!! that cake topper has kohl smudged all over it so you KNOW our boy ed has been caressing it against his cheek and sighing longingly

-i know we've all talked about how insane the "ed plays with the wedding cake toppers pretending they're him and stede" scene is but i don't think we've really comprehended how GENUINELY INSANE it is like??? edward teach, blackbeard, the kraken, the scourge of the seven seas, the most fearsome pirate the caribbean has ever known that has recently been on a non-stop slaughtering spree, painted a bride wedding cake topper to look like himself which he then scoots next to a wedding cake topper that looks like stede so he can imagine that he's marrying him. this man carefully rubbed kohl on a cake topper to give it darker skin and darker hair and a BEARD. to make it look more like himself. so he could then. put it next to a cake topper that looked like stede. and pretend. they were getting married. i've written that 3 times now and my brain STILL refuses to fully process those sentences.

-i said it in my first brain thoughts post for ep 1 and i'll say it again: every time im reminded that ed has been crying NON-STOP. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. for MONTHS. over stede. my wall gains another hole

-the way ed is so delirious in his sadness as he pushes the cake toppers out the window. i don't even have any thoughts on that i feel like all i can do is just note it and let y'all deal with the rest

>>actually I lied, he literally watches them sink into the sea after he pushes them out the window that's so fucked up whomever made that decision to make him do that is so fucked up

-"the sea is restorative isn't it" "YYYYEEESSS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!! I'VE ALWAYS SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!" "ohh that guy knows" IS THE MOST UNDERRATED EXCHANGE IN THE ENTIRE SERIES IT LITERALLY HAD ME SHAKING WITH LAUGHTER

-would looooooooooooooove to know what went through stede's head as soon as roach mentioned "some place called China??" like did he immediately think of the kiss or getting sent to the naval academy or the kiss or ed's excitement at the prospect of running away together or the kiss or getting kidnapped by chauncey or the kiss or watching chauncey shoot himself in the dome or the kiss or his flop behavior of running back to his family that doesn't even want him or the kiss or

-the crew of the red flag being so immediately kind and welcoming to stede and his crew <3

-i genuinely cannot wait to watch buttons fully immerse himself in the red flag traditions like he was made to be on that crew

-"how should I put this, your energy is..." can't believe they got hatecrimed like that

-RAT BOY

-HE'S HERE

-OUR BOY IS HERE

-fun fact: i recorded my live reaction to episodes 1 - 3 and posted the clip of my friends and i reacting to lucius coming back because we were quite literally jumping for joy and crying over the reunion and THE illustrious Nathan Foad himself told me it was literally the cutest thing he's ever seen (his words, not mine!!) so we're basically best friends forever now and the rest of my life will be spent chasing the high of the happiness i felt during that interaction

-i am also crying once again over his reappearance and i think that's just gonna happen every time i watch this scene :')

-roach's shocked face when lucius appears is something that can actually be so personal

-the way they all dogpile on top of him because they're so happy to see him bitch what the FCUK

-also stede's STUPID LITTLE "huh!" LIKE??????????? THAT WAS YOUR SCRIBE AND RELATIONSHIP GURU YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER WHERE IS THE ENERGY AND EXCITEMENT AT KNOWING HE ISN'T FUCKING DEAD??????????????

-"i love it" *BIG SMOOCH* "i love all of it" *BIGGER SMOOCH* oh so they're trying to kill me by smothering me in the syrupy sweetness of their love. okay

-okay sorry but lucius's absolutely microscopic furrowing of his brow right before black pete kisses him again. for a split second he had a slight look of sadness which lines up with the very real trauma he's endured and how even in extremely happy moments they can be tinged with sadness - maybe a sadness for the past and the way things could've been if he hadn't been pushed off the boat - and all i can say is nathan foad. ur big powerful acting mind

-we gotta talk about lucius choosing not to reveal that ed had pushed him off the ship in front of the whole crew. i'm still trying to figure out if that was him trying to spare stede's feelings (unlikely considering he lets it all out later), spare black pete's feelings (possible, since he knows black pete idolizes blackbeard), prevent himself from having to relive that trauma in front of his friends when he's not prepared to confront those memories, or a combination of all of the above

-"i fell. off the ship." "that doesn't sound like you. you have impeccable balance, babe" i literally love black pete so much i may legally have to change my name to lucius spriggs

-"toouwelss? what is this? are these jobs?" stede i love you so very much to the moon and back but for the love of god you gotta shut it my guy

-I AM LITERALLY SO EXCITED FOR THE BUTTONS SEA WITCH STORY ARC LIKE IT MAY ACTUALLY BE ON PAR WITH MY EXCITEMENT TO SEE ED AND STEDE PROPERLY REUNITE AND OPENLY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN

-ed just. washing the door handle. i dont have any other thoughts

-GODDDDDDD HE'S SERVING SOOOOOO MUCH GENDER WITH HIS LIL HAIR BUN AND MOSTLY CLEANED UP WAR PAINT AND DANGLY EARRINGS AKEFJAPWHFA OPERGJAER

-the way frenchie looks genuinely happy for ed when he says he thinks he got all the poison out of his system and it's a new day :((

-idk much about piracy but i really don't think there's a rule about the new first mate traditionally having to kill the old first mate, i think ed just made that up so someone else would have to kill izzy instead of him. despite everything, despite how low he's sunken into the very dark parts of his mind due to the heartbreak, ed still can't bring himself to deal the killing blow

-"i expect great things from you" might be one of the more chilling lines in that interaction because for THE blackbeard to have not just any expectations from you, but GREAT expectations? that's not a compliment, that's a threat. measure up to what blackbeard thinks you should be or else

-can't comment on the amputation scene too yucky sorry

-stede trying to triangulate ed's coordinates based off of his string of crimes on a map HE drew is me trying to triangulate where tf this season is going based off of buckwild theories i've made up and used as the foundation for even more buckwild theories

-yeah idk what the mushy ass lyrics stede wrote on that map mean but i know they're frighteningly homosexual

-"FUCK YOU. that's how i am" I am SO glad lucius gets to be openly bitchy towards stede it feels like a cathartic release for me personally

-ed's fuckin "heyyyy" to frenchie in the kitchen is both hilarious and unbelievably unsettling

-absolutely obsessed with the writers for once again showing just how scarily observant and intelligent ed is when he calls frenchie out for using his right hand to mime killing izzy even though he's actually left handed

-i really admire how david chose to use a low camera angle that looks up at ed as he reveals to frenchie that he's well aware he hasn't killed izzy yet because taika's performance was already unsettling enough but that specific angle adds so much to his overall menacing presence in that scene

-joel fry's performance in the kitchen scene with ed literally makes me want to bite something he's so good at acting quietly terrified

-this is almost certainly an unpopular opinion but i really would've loved to see more buildup to jim and archie kissing. i just feel like we know NOTHING about her let alone her relationship with jim prior to the two days we've seen them interacting and i feel like that kiss would've felt like a much more satisfying payoff if we had seen more interactions between them before they got to that point. i would've taken delaying that kiss by a few episodes if it meant feeling fully invested in it once it did happen, but i also know the show already has so much material to get through (which is why we should've gotten 10 eps but i digress)

-"hey no one told me this room existed" is giving "i didn't even realize there was piracy happening"

-"take the fuckin leg" is such a perfect line delivery

-love the foreshadowing of olu explaining how the little ships on the war table were all over the place and "some of them were over land"

-roach waxing poetic about the noodles is so relatable

-"jesus christ stede keep your pants on" hands down one of the funniest fucking lucius moments of all time

-sorry but we gotta give a shout out to lucius modifying the chinese fleet uniform so it's sleeveless. the edges are cleanly done so either he was put on tailoring duty at some point and picked it up there or someone on the ship wanted to enable the slayage

-there's something to be said about the fact that the only other man who has lasted being on board the red flag ship is another member of the revenge who was picked up and welcomed into the fold well before stede and the rest of the crew wound up there. something about how stede attracts and retains other people who he can tell are gentle at heart, even if they're putting up a tough front. something about how lucius had bounced from ship to ship until he finally wound up on Zheng Yi Sao's ship where he was allowed to be himself

-"ya don't know............if ya picked up....smokin....." nathaniel buttons my beloved

-OOOOF stede's guilty face after lucius talks about how he must've picked up smoking somewhere. after the crushing guilt he already feels about the ed situation this definitely would've weighed extremely heavy on him

-MY SPICY LIL RAT BOY IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

-"what the hell is going on in towels" wee john my beloved

-look i know izzy is on the brink of death but he genuinely looks kinda beautiful before ed wakes him up from his shock induced coma and i won't apologize for that

-"my leg" izzy is so fred rechid coded

-"it's up in leg heaven now" i need to know if ed said that as a way of metaphorically digging the knife into izzy and getting back at him for trying to force ed to send stede to doggy heaven in season 1

-i dont have the emotional capacity to dive into the ed and izzy shooting scene rn but just know it destroyed me on a metaphysical level

-"too scared to do it yourself" no because unfortunately now im thinking about ed thinking through taking his own life but coming to the realization that he can't do it. whether it's because of childhood christianity trauma and thinking he'll be sent to hell for doing so or because he knows he can't follow through with it himself if there's still a tiny shred of hope that he'll reunite with stede and everything will be okay again, he always has to outsource the big job

-also, very interesting choice to have almost jovial classical music playing in the background of the ed/izzy scene. it definitely undercut a lot of the tension compared to how supremely uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing the scene would've been if it were dead silent behind the dialogue

-"i loved you...best i could"

-"i've got an ex-wife, two messed up kids probably" LMAO stede acknowledging he would have no way of knowing how fucked up his kids are because of him

-"sounds like you're quite the fuck-up pal" "yeah, i am! and im alone! talk to pete. don't be like me" ohhhhh my god stede is in just as much agony as ed is over this breakup he's just been using his polite society social skills of saving face and never showing how truly devastated you are to others to cover up how supremely messed up he is over all of it. he is BEGGING lucius to talk to pete and NOT make the same mistakes he did because maybe if he can prevent lucius from bottling it up and actually deal with this in a healthy way he can make up for a fraction of all the hurt he's caused not only ed but lucius as well. maybe if he can get lucius to talk to pete he can absolve himself of some of the soul-crushing guilt he feels over how his actions have irreparably damaged the people he cares about the most. maybe if lucius and pete are able to work through this trauma and still come out the other side loving each other just as much or even more than they did before, he can believe that there's still hope for him and ed.

-ed choosing to put on the cravat for what he believes is going to be his last action on earth before dying because he's resigned himself to his fate but is still scared shitless by it and wants that modicum of comfort that stede will always be able to provide him no matter how badly he hurt ed is giving me the urge to find the nearest cast iron skillet and loony toons my skull

-"some people are just broken no matter what you do" noooo why do i feel like lucius was talking about himself when he said that to stede about ed ://

-oof i know they were an unnamed character but fang tried to save someone who went overboard during the storm and wasn't able to :(

-GGGOOOODDDDDDD izzy looks so fucking hot and badass all soaking wet and leaning up against the rigging after shooting ed jesus christ

-"finally" ed was so relieved to have his pain finally end. even after his journey of self discovery in the next episode im really curious how he's going to deal with having to confront the pain he thought he escaped in addition to the pain he inflicted on others while failing to cope with that pain and stopping at nothing, including nearly killing the rest of the crew, to end it