#hair getting to that awkward long length but still trying to not cut it

[embrrsz]

may we see?🙃🥰

[sanospet]

✩ MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IM YOURS AGAIN ✩

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 - 𝘚𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘈𝘙𝘈𝘒𝘐 𝘛𝘖𝘔𝘜𝘙𝘈 𝘟 𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘋𝘌𝘙

𝘲𝘶𝘰𝘵𝘦 : gummy walls tightening around the thick of his shaft, tomura's brows knitting together as the coil nestling at the pit of his stomach slowly came undone, hips staggering, painting your warmth with his pearly seed, inscribing the story of your shared love on your walls like a parietal painting.

warnings and notes!

18+ . mdni . smut . angst . hurt comfort . quirkless au . fluffy ending . after care . detailed descriptions of SA . mentions of a knife . reader held at knifepoint . reader has a breakdown . heavy suggestions of reader struggling with SH . detailed fight scene (tomura beats someone’s ass) . deeply insecure reader . they’re both just trying to navigate their way through complex emotions . a whole lot of guilt and self-blaming . soft dom tomura . passionate sex . codependency . requited clinginess . praise praise praise . tomura just being a sweetheart, honestly . pet names (“baby”, “my love”, “princess”) . gender neutral reader . afab reader . reader’s sex is mentioned . proofread though there still may be some spelling mistakes, enjoy <33

authors note:

this fic is super self indulgent, i am the reader, the reader is, indeed, me, lol. it took me much longer than usual to complete, and in turn it is probably one of my longest fics yet, lol. but im happy with how it turned out, i literally daydreamed (basically me writing/directing a movie in my brain, im not sure if that’s the right term…but i do it quite frequently) this fic for like 6 hours straight from start to finish the other day and it kept replaying in my mind like a movie ever since. i needed to get it out and written down, and i wanted to do it justice, so here it is. i hope you enjoy it, and i hope i explained the complexity of their emotions and the turmoil they faced well. thanks for reading <33

(+1000 aura points to you if you caught my shrek reference)

- linus

"you can't be serious..." the question was drawled as tomura gave your outfit a once over, a slight quirk in his brow, earning a pout in response.

"what's wrong with it ?" you whined, feet shifting beneath you as you twirled, "isn't it cute ?" a sweet smile dawning your glossy lips.

tomura's eyes softened, "it is," he confirmed, "very very cute, too cute, even," gaze resting on your upper thighs, raking over the length of them in the reflection before shifting to where your skirt cut off at the back, just beneath the curve of your ass.

sighing softly with a troubled expression, "look, i wouldn't mind you wearing this if i were coming along with you, but you're seriously thinking of going out in that all alone ? to a party, no less...you'll be getting all sorts of unwanted attention from the weirdos plaguing that place."

your hands fiddled with the silver chain, attempting to clasp it behind your neck as you spoke, "tomura, in all my years of living, you're the only guy that's given me the time of day, let alone a double-take," the reality of it set a pang in your chest as you let out a soft, awkward laugh, "i'll be nothing but a fly on the wall at this party, i highly doubt anyone will try anything."

soft snowy locks swaying with a shake of his head, tomura rose from his perch on the armchair, gently shifting your hair to your front, hands replacing your own, "well you'll do it for my peace of mind, won't you ?" gaze meeting yours in the reflection, hand smoothing over the skin of your back, "if you pick out the perfect piece, i suppose." a small smirk rested on your features, tomura reading the playful glint in your eyes.

tomura sifted through the hangers, pulling out a long, brown, flowy skirt, "it's a party, tomura, not a church." shaking his head at your remark, "no, no, look," he took place behind you, laying the fabric against you, "pretty, no ?" eyes shifting from the skirt to your unimpressed ones in the reflection, "tomura..." cutting you off with an exasperated tutt, "fine, fine."

returning to his previous endeavour, "it's like you dress for the summer all year round," he mentioned, flicking through the plethora of mini skirts and dresses before him "fashion knows no weather." you replied, earning a laugh in response.

pulling out a pair of flare jeans, with hope filled eyes, "what about these ?" you shrugged, "it's a skirt kind of day" amused by your reply , "only you would come up with something like that, god, you're impossible."

"oh," you chirped, kneeling down "how about i wear some tights instead ? compromise ?" he hummed as you pulled open the drawer, "let's see them first," sifting through the load, you landed on two that would match your colour scheme, "yeah, well fishnets wont exactly help your cause," he remarked, "don't you have any of those normal ones ?" fingers combing through his locks as he watched.

"and threaten to ruin my ensemble ?" gasping, "not a chance." holding up both pairs as the man observed "pick your poison, tomura~" you joked a slight melody stringing the words together as tomura rolled his eyes, "these will do," seizing the fabric from your grip, he knelt on one knee as you rose, pulling the lace over your legs before taking place behind you, arms wrapped around your waist.

"i can change if you really want me to..." offering a faltering smile, guilt crept in for pushing back so hard, but tomura insisted, "i can take on anyone who dares touching you," setting a soft kiss to your exposed shoulder, "and i don't think i ever really want to go through your closet again, anyway," and you giggle at that.

"you remember the rules, yeah ?" he asks, earning an eager nod in return, "recite them."

"don't get too drunk," you held up a finger, "don't accept drinks from anyone, and guard my own," adding another finger, "keep my location on at all times, text you throughout the night and..." you grew quiet, "don't wander off too far from your friends" he piped in and you nodded, "but what if they're like…making out with someone ?" you questioned, "watch them." he shrugged, "ew, pervert." tutting, softly nudging your elbow into him and he laughed.

the air felt cold and void when he broke your embrace, the clock's incessant ticking toward your departure doing nothing to aid your growing anxiety about your separation with tomura for the night.

"are you sure you can't come with me ?" voice pleading as you trailed close behind him to the kitchen, "i wasn't invited, love." he swallowed thickly as the words left his cracked lips.

he wanted nothing more than to accompany you, the thought of being parted for so long having glass shards set in his stomach, tearing him to shreds from the inside out. yet he pushed for your lonesome attendance, with the thought of you spending time and having a ball with the friends you adored so.

"im sure they'll let you in regardless," brows upturned, eyes soon to be wet with tears, "besides, i don't think security will be that tight, anyway..." placing an opened bottle of ukon no chikara in your hand, he lifted it to your lips, tipping it as you swallowed.

"you know i'm just a phone call way, baby," he smiled, "and i can come and pick you up at anytime.”

placing the small, empty bottle on the counter, "well you don't have to stay up if you're not coming along," you couldn't help the pout that formed, saturating your murmured words, "i could catch a ride with my friend or something."

raising your gaze with a hooked finger beneath your chin, "you know i can't fall sleep without you, love, and i'm pretty sure i need to be awake to answer your messages," thumb shifting to gently stroke your cheek, "and i love your friends, truly, i do, but there's no way i'm letting them drive you home when they're drunk."

"i could get a taxi..." his brows furrowed at that, "and im sure they'd be just as bad as the creeps at the party, love."

nodding at the words, shifting to the balls of your feet, noses brushing together with a smile, your lips meeting in a gentle touch. his hand moving to the small of your back, pulling you closer as he deepened it, tongue pushing past your lips, the subtle taste of your cherry flavoured lipgloss accompanying it.

"i'll miss you," parting, your breath fanning against his lips as you spoke, "i'll miss you too," he smiled softly.

"do you have everything you need ?" you hummed, moving to grab your small bag from the counter, handing it to him to look over, "and do you really need three lip products ?" he questioned through a breathy laugh as you plucked the lip gloss from his grasp, using the aid of your compact mirror to reapply it. "lip shades are like mood rings, tomura, they change with my emotions."

phone screen lighting up with a message, "she's here already ?" he questioned, failing to suppress the disappointment in his tone, earning a nod as he placed the device in your bag, following you to the front door as you slipped on your shoes.

turning to him, "how do i look ?" clammy hands smoothing over the fabric of your skirt, he neared you, tucking your hair behind your ear, "perfect," he smiled, eyes raking over your appearance, "absolutely perfect."

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

the music seemed to permeate through your eardrums, rattling in your head and you could feel the thumping of the bass in your chest as it played, the alcohol mellowing it out just enough for it to be enjoyable. your body felt loose as you  swayed to the melodies, singing along amongst the crowd of perspiring bodies.

your friends had split as the party drew on, dotting around the oversized living area, hidden in corners and splayed on the leather couches at the centre of it all, preoccupied with their newfound love interests for the night, though you lingered near them.

as your buzz began to subside and the itch for another drink began to set in, your head spun, eyes scanning for a friend of yours to accompany you to fetch one, ruling out the few who had made their way to the second floor in hopes of finding an empty room, dwindling the group to just two, both who seemed to still be busy with the acts of exploring their dates bodies, your defeated sigh was unheard over the music as your feet shifted toward the kitchen.

the ceiling was just as tall as the ones you'd seen prior, the room almost soundproof as you closed the door behind you, warm lighting illuminating the dark oak of the cabinets and the hefty island that stood tall in the middle of it, housing a mix of opened half drunken bottles, crushed solo cups and beer cans as well as your bag.

the bright blue cooler almost shone in contrast, juxtaposed by the mahogany in which it rested upon and you reached in for another cider, before aiming to head out.

bumping harshly into the chest of another, you stumbled back, feeling a tight grip on your wrist and the deep, slightly slurry voice that followed "my bad, are you alright ?" speech failing you, an eager nod was all you could manage, your gaze searing into his tight grip.

finger hooking under your chin, a large smirk growing as he gave you a once over, "well, what's a pretty little thing like you doing all alone at a party like this, hm ?" words laced in excitement, "your friends ditch you or something ? did you lose your way ?"

breath hitching, his touch soldering, blazing your skin, your mind fell numb, heart rate only rising as you attempted to voice back, "i..." the lump forming in your throat swallowed your sound, "i came to get a drink," you pushed, voice low, his gaze moving to the cider in your hand, as you pulled your confined wrist from his grip, "excuse me." head hung, you took a step to leave, the searing cuffs of his calloused hands forming its assault once more on your upper arm, grip bruising.

"oh, c'mon, don't deny a guy so harshly," tone grating, whining almost "we can have some fun of our own." his voice deepened, slowly twisting your arm in his grasp, forcing you to meet him once more as you turned, the only solution to stop the growing discomfort and pain blossoming as you suppressed a cry, the can falling to the ground at the harsh tug.

"l-let me go!" yanking your arm toward you in order to free yourself, he only followed, chest slamming against yours, "eager, aren't we ?" he smirked.

stomach churning, the taste of copper sat heavy on your tongue as he placed a hand on your hip, his grip all but crushing. pushing your lower back against the island, his head dipping into the curve of your neck, "stop!" the attempted yell was more of a chirp, "i have a boyfriend!"

riled and raged, the man pulled back with an irritated sigh, lazily glancing around the empty space, "i don't see him," mocking bitterly.

the words set the fiery pit in your stomach ablaze as you continued "he's on his way," you convinced, "just a few minutes until he arrives."

"well i guess that earns us a few minutes to get this over with," you continued your aggressive attempt to break free, soon stilling as the sensation of a cold and sharp object made its presence pushed up against your exposed stomach, "wouldn't you agree ?" lips grazing against your ear as he spoke, laughing softly, pulling back at your silence with a smile, "god, you're so much hotter once you shut the fuck up." he sighed, eyes raking over your face, observing.

your breathing shallowed, almost diminishing completely as your face paled, his lips moving lazily against the soft flesh of your neck. animalistic groans almost reverberating on your smooth skin, teeth grazing harshly as he nibbled, his eyes shut tight. fingers inching up your thighs, crawling beneath your skirt, goosebumps rising in the trail of his vulgar touch.

the growing pit of repulsion and guilt in your stomach threatened to force up the drinks you'd had, and as your eyes glazed over, thoughts of tomura flooding your brain, the sensation of a sprouting rose deep in your heart followed, its unforgiving thorns shredding the pumping organ in its wake.

"s-stop..." you forced through a shaky breath, "please...you don't have to do this," pleading, he continued on, teeth grazing against you harshly, earning a pained whimper, "t-there are so many people here, there's gotta be someone who would jump at the chance to sleep with you tonight..." meeting you once more, eyes lidded, filled with need, the sight sending jagged shards of terror down your straightened spine, "you think ?" you nodded eagerly, "cute, but, the thing is i want to sleep with you tonight, so they're a little out of luck, aren't they ?" smirking, words filled with mockery and snark, as he looked toward the clock, "seems like your boyfriend is running a little late," tracing the flat edge of the cold weapon against the dip of your waist, "let's make the most of it, shall we ?" he whispered.

palms turning white, he gripped the glazed wooden slab tight with one hand as he rocked his hips into yours at a vigorous yet sloppy pace, the edged surface of the island bruising your lower back, his breath fanning against your ear as soft moans escaped his parted lips, head hung low.

"alastair, you in here ?" door swinging open, tufts of golden hair and amber eyes coming into view, "oh—" cutting his words short at the sight before him, analysing your position with a studied gaze, the man before you, alastair, shielding the weapon from the golden man's sight as he raised his head, "uh, we're about to play beer pong, wanna join ?" the two pairs of eyes now trained on you, "if you're not already busy, that is."

alastair hummed, face inching closer to yours, lips grazing your cheek as you turned away, "i'll be right there." sighing, turning your gaze toward him once more with a harsh grip on your chin, "next time, sweetheart ?" he willed, pushing off the counter as he pocketed the blade with a grin, setting a few taps to your cheek "next time." he replied to himself, turning to join his friend as he stumbled through the tall door.

your body remained stagnant in his wake for a while, unmoving as the cold air rushing in through the opened window coated your skin. willing yourself to move, to run, to scream, to vomit to do anything but let that scene replay in your mind for the nth time, or to think about tomura...both only causing a putrid cocktail of rage, guilt and disgust with yourself to build in your veins.

the reflection of the bathroom mirror met you after suffering the treacherous trail of making your way through the drunken, sex filled halls of the winding home you were seemingly trapped within.

a gut wrenching scream was kept locked in the back of your throat as your hands moved, vigorously rubbing and scratching against your neck and shoulders, soap and water trailing down your skin, soaking your clothing as tears crept down your face, falling into your teeth gritted mouth, breathing ragged and irregular as you worked with such force, hyperventilating.

shaky hands steadied with a firm grip on the sink, vision cloudy, tears falling with a blink, your reflection soon came back into focus. skin rubbed raw, rosy, irritated, makeup smeared, eyes wet and red, a chesty cry ripping through your throat at the sight.

you were disgusting, defiled, tainted, no amount of scrubbing and scouring could reverse the damage that had been inflicted upon you.

bag illuminating as your phone shone bright, a message coming into view as you peaked in.

tomura.

culpability gnawed at you from the inside, crawling up and into your lungs with its jagged claws, piercing gaping holes through your chest, guilt and remorse nestling in the pit of your stomach, the scorching craving for agony and torment setting in.

you deserved it, after all.

you betrayed him, had been disloyal to the overwhelming love you shared, and hadn't done enough to stop it all.

'i could've fucking tried harder' the thought was deafening, echoing in your brain and you could almost hear it, 'should've taken my chances of being stabbed than just standing there like a fucking statue and letting him have his way with me…’

heart clouded, encompassed by the grim emotions, compressed by the pressure of it all, you let out a jagged sigh, shaking your head as if to rid yourself of thoughts completely. collecting yourself to the best of your abilities, you tapped lightly at your makeup with your powder brush, intending to save it to no avail, mascara having left streaky trails, moving onto your messy hair with a tut before smoothing out your clothing and making your way downstairs.

"hey," your friend mouthed from across the main room, waving you over as you pushed past the crowd, "we're thinking about calling it a night and..." bright smile faltering, concern dawning as she took in your appearance under the dim lighting, "have you been crying ? are you okay ? what's wrong ?" hand moving to rest gently on your arm, the pad of her thumb offering strokes, "im alright," your hoarse voice pushed, "do you want me to drive you home ?" she whispered, almost worried as if her volume would shatter you completely, "i, um," you bit back, fearful that the utterance of his name aloud would set your throat ablaze, "t-tomura's c-coming to um, pick me up..." wincing at the words.

"alright, but um, i'm here if you need to talk, you know that, right ?" she spoke softly, brows upturned, eyes overflowing with worry, and you forced a smile, "i know," nodding, "thank you."

arms interlocked with hers, you finally escaped the, now seemingly claustrophobic, confines of the oversized home. offering your friend a farewell, waving to the others, you slowly made your way to tomura's parked car, his shadowy figure leaning against it.

the soles of your shoes scraping against the asphalt as you dragged your feet to continue your trek closer to him, the intense loathing, you'd been all but consumed by, threatening to take over as he waited with outstretched arms, a warm smile dawning his face.

falling into him, your body relaxing upon contact, a shuddery breath escaped your lips as the comforting scent of his cologne filled your head, arms wrapping around him despite the turmoil in your brain.

"you missed me that much, yeah ?" he let out a gentle laugh, your eyes falling shut as the melody vibrated through his chest, slightly straining as they filled with tears once more at the sound of him, despair twisting your stomach in a harsh pinch.

"_____?" words dripping in concern as he hooked a finger beneath your chin, chest tightening at the sight of you. eye whites more of a crimson shade, veiny and dried out, your neck looking more like his own, hair tousled and unkept, clothes home patches of water as it stuck to your skin, the makeup you'd perfected now streaky with canals of dried tears.

letting out a manually steadied breath, he aimed to suppress his swiftly accelerating anger in a soft veil, "what happened ?" tomura's undivided attention had your face wet once more, rivers pouring from your eyes, hiccuping as you could barely form words, apologies spilling from your lips as he guided you into the car, hoping for more privacy and peace as you explained.

"it's all my fault," you pushed as your breathing steadied once more, "i shouldn't have..." shaking your head as tears continued, voice breaking, "i-i shouldn’t have l-let him..." the car fell silent, save for the unsteady puffs of air falling from your lips. tomura's jaw clenching at the mention of another, he knew where this was going and a sloppy cocktail of guilt, fiery fury and rage coursed through him.

tomura gently urging you to continue, you obliged, albeit through choked sobs and hiccups, hands interlaced, his thumb stroking over the back of yours, aiming to give you some sort of solace as you struggled, despite the ire festering within him. breath hitching, he swallowed thickly at the mention of the weapon you were held up toward, eyes frantically flying over your being, hands moving to inspect for any injuries, "i wasn't cut or anything," you explained, "he just h-held it up to me and i was scared so i..." the words stopped at the back of your throat, the confession stinging your throat,"um, i...i stopped fighting" gaze falling beyond the window, looking at tomura only causing an eruption of pain within you, "...im so sorry."

letting out a serrated exhale, "do you remember what he looks like ?" earning a slow nod in response, gaze lifting toward the house as alastair's infamous figure came into view. "are you going to h-hurt him ?" you questioned through sniffled gasps of air, tomura following the object of your glare, eyes landing on the tall man, "he'll be lucky if i don't fucking kill him." he breathed, turning to you, "stay in the car."

tomura's gait was that of a soldier, marching toward the man without a word, a heavy mist of enmity encompassing his being, trailing after him as his boots scraped harshly against the asphalt, echoing amongst the chatty drunken party-goers during his trek. slowly garnering attention from them as he shrugged off his jacket, before he raised a tight fist, slamming it down onto alastair's face with vigor, the man almost kissing the ground as tomura pulled his fist away, ready for another blow.

"what the fuck ?!" alastair slurred, mind spinning, the stench of alcohol coming off him in wafts as the weighty sole of tomura's boot crashed into his nose, before retracting and slamming into the man's ribs. falling to his knees, alastair trapped between them, tomura's world fell silent.

tomura wanted to break the man before him, tear his limbs from his body with his teeth and leave him strung up to be eaten by wild animals, to burn him alive and savour his tormented shrieks. tomura wanted to disintegrate him, dust him by a single touch, into nothing but a pathetic pile of grim ashes, to have him slip away between his fingers, to be forgotten, to drift away in the wind.

tomura's punches were mechanic, automatic, rhythmic as he moved, dealing continuous blows of the same force, and the packed crowd that had formed around him were hushed, gawking, the only sound echoing through the night being that of dull hits and cracking bones.

"....im tomura!"

his unforgiving assault continued, heart pumping liquid ivy, adrenaline coursing through his veins like a drug, eyes glazed over, void of light, face expressionless as your screams slowly permeated his trance.

"you're gonna kill him, tomura!" pleading, eyes bloodshot, slightly hesitating to touch him,"that's enough...please..." reaching for his raised fist, shaky hands enclosing around them, "let's go home..."

the cacophony of overlapping sirens sliced through the air like bullets as the crowd clamoured, scattering like flies, yet your stagnant positions remained. tomura's gaze raking over your tired eyes and puffy face, heart clenching. hands tightly woven together, you rose as a duet, crisp air lacing over his bloodied knuckles, nipping at your tear stained cheeks as you made your way to his car once more, settling into the warmed seats.

tomura was the first to break the otherwise wordless journey home, "he could've killed you." the statement was harsh, piercing, "i wouldn't know what to do if you were to die," focused on the road, tomura's grip tightened on the steering wheel as he let out an uncomfortable laugh, "i mean, i can barely sleep without you, let alone live without you..." trailing off, "...i think i'd be better off joining you.”

the sentiment was not lost on you, you knew he meant it, deeply at that, yet it pained you to no end. his words feeling like an open wound exposed to the elements, heart continuing to bleed for you in the wake of your betrayal.

you'd never experienced such life altering love in all your years, something so dizzying, intoxicating and intense, something so real and raw and beautiful, something you could almost...touch, something you didn't deserve.

tomura was the best thing that had ever happened to you, by far and...he now sat beside you solemn, hands bloodied and bruised, heart torn, trust broken, betrayed and trampled upon by the one he treasured most in this parasitic world.

clothing rustling against the leather seat as you shifted uncomfortably, "why didn't you call me ?" he questioned through a small sigh, tired words laced with defeat, disappointment. "...i wasn't in my right mind," you spoke, voice hoarse, eyes trained on your fingers placed in your lap, fiddling with a loosened thread of your skirt. "i was in a daze and i was frantic and i went to...wash him off of me in the bathroom right after and," speech pace speeding as you explained, "i was so fucking overwhelmed by everything and that's when i got your message and by the time i went downstairs you were already there and...now we're here..." exhaling softly through a shaky breath, "and i'm so sorry..."

the soft blow of the car heating was all you could hear, as tomura's mind spiralled, fingers reaching for his deck, putting the cigarette to his lips, lighting it. "you broke our agreement." it was a statement more than anything, just a voicing of his conflicting thoughts, expressed through a sigh after a long drag, yet you replied, "i know…im sorry”

                              ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

knees buried in the soft carpeted floor, you tipped the rubbing alcohol onto the cotton, gently pushing it up against tomura's knuckles as you finished cleaning him up, barely earning a hiss from the man. eyes searching your face from his position above, observing the wrinkles in your forehead due to your furrowed brows, "what's on your mind, love ?"

stilling your movements, gaze lifting to meet his, white hair falling forward as he looked down at you, almost curtaining the rubies held within his eyes. words clogging, gulping harshly, breaking the stare for a moment before locking it in again, with the help of his hooked finger beneath your chin, a shaky breath escaping your parted lips, "c'mon, what's up ?"

"hurt me...p-please" begging, glassy eyed, voice breaking. tomura's tone remained calm at your pleads, almost as if he were expecting such a request, "why would you want me to do that ?"

eyes straining once more as tears threatened to well, speech quickening, "i...i betrayed you and i broke your trust and i let that guy touch me and i could've done more to stop it and i could've fought harder and i didn't tell you right after and—" vision clouding your eyelashes failed you as tears began to trail down your face again, chest rising and falling faster as you spoke, eyes darting around the place, "i— your pretty hands are scarred now because of me and...and...i deserve it."

nodding firmly at your own words, finally raising your gaze to meet his own, pleading, "please, take your frustrations out on me...it would make you feel better." eyes squinting, "it would make you feel better." he corrected, "it would." you confirmed.

rising from his perch on the sofa, extending a hand out to you, leading you to your joint chambers, tomura's lips met yours in a gentle embrace and as he moved to deepen it, you pulled away, eyes wide "w-what are you doing ?" confusion knitting your brows together.

"i forgive you," he stated firmly, "i think your guilt is punishment enough," tucking your loose hairs behind your ears, shifting your tendrils from your face, his hand rested on your cheek, thumbing it softly, "this...all of it, it wasn't your fault, you had no choice," he spoke, tone assertive yet tender, "you just need to forgive yourself now, yeah ? it's gonna be okay," setting a soft kiss on your lips, resting his forehead to yours "we're okay, we're together again like always, yeah ? just you and me, it'll be okay." the words were whispered, like a secret only to be shared between the two of you, something special to treasure as a pair.

leaning into him, crashing your lips together once more, you couldn't help the tears that fell, hoping to seal the taste of him in your soul, meld into him completely as his hand found the small of your back, pulling you in closer as he breathed you.

pulling away, "is this truly what you want right now?" he questioned, searching your face for any signs of discomfort, coming up empty as you nodded eagerly, whispering, pleading, begging, "make me feel like im yours again, tomura."

hovering over your nude laying form on the cushioned bed, clothes collectively discarded on the hardwood, safe for your undergarments, his lips met your cheek, trailing down your jaw slowly, slowly before meeting your neck. pushing his pillowy lips against your sensitive skin, mellow actions growing eager gradually as he continued, teeth softly grazing your skin as he sucked, making a mark, branding you as his own.

shame shrouded tomura's being, hanging heavy like a thunderous cloud, striking him in his core. his culpability was discernible in his mind, his constant turn-downs of your unofficial invitation gnawing at his insides. his presence all that would've been needed to prevent such a situation from taking place, to prevent such trauma, such pain, yet he withdrew the opportunity, and it haunted him like a vengeful ghost.

soft mewls fell from you as he worked, the nausea you'd associated with the actions earlier that night being reborn anew at the touch of your lover. hands gripping his arm, hips rutting, as he toyed with your most sensitive part through the fabric of your underwear.

finger hooking into the band, hand slipping underneath, finally making contact, a gasp falling from your lips at the act, tomura continued, sharp intakes of breath soon switching to a whines as he did so. drawing circles on your blossoming core, pulling away, he admired the flowery imprints he’d created on your neck as they deepened in shade.

lips meeting yours once more, finally slipping a digit into your warmth, taking the opportunity of your opened mouth to slip his tongue in as you moaned, slowly pumping you before doubling the dosage. lacing your hands into his hair, brows furrowing as tomura swallowed your tunes, meeting you with his own, kiss growing desperate as your hand found his clothed cock, slipping beneath the fabric, intending to alleviate the tension as you stroked, earning shaky groans from the man.

parting to hurriedly free yourselves from the threaded pieces of fabric, you met again, lips interlocked, his thumb pressed to the length of his cock, leisurely dragging it between your folds, as he rutted against you.

the strain was native as tomura slowly buried the head of his cock into your core, yet you couldn't help the need to paw at his shoulders, face contorting at the width and he gripped your wrist, "you can take it, princess," whispering, lips grazing yours as he spoke, inching deeper, soon bottoming out, "there we go."

stilling as you adjusted, tomura's mind itched for friction yet he remained stagnant as your lips crashed with fervour, treasuring the complete feeling of being slotted together once more, like missing pieces of a jigsaw, your core carved, his cock sculpted to couple.

his motions were slow at first, tender, pulling out at a grating pace before filling you once more, your hips moving to meet his, yet they harshened as he continued, pelvis soon snapping into yours, coarse strokes pummelling against that gentle pocket of nerves deep within you, leaving you in a choked daze. bodies rocking in tune with the bed springs, tomura's head buried in the crook of your neck, groans slipping into your ears, aiding the tightening knot nestling in your core as his thumb drew circles between your folds.

raising his head to meet your gaze, flushed cheeked and glossy lipped, heavy lidded eyes harbouring a fountain of lust, and you were enraptured by the view, his cologne almost permeating off him at the short proximity, intoxicatingly so.

mind dizzying as he observed your features, wanting to savour the expressions he pulled from you, clenching around him unwillingly at the sight, eyes squeezing shut in shame as your cheeks rosed, a smirk dawning his face in return, "you're taking me so well, baby." his voice raspy, a whine slipping from your lips, "such a good girl for me, aren't you ?" nodding eagerly at the question, "anything for you, master." through whimpers, and tomura smiled at the words, knowing you met it, all too deeply.

panting softly, the knot in your stomach tightening harshly as you squeezed around tomura once more, "can i—" cut off by a moan, hands fisting the fabric of the sheets, "cum on my cock, princess." back arching off the bed at the vulgar words with a mewl, tomura slipped his hand beneath, holding you, pumping you through your bliss, relishing in the way your muscles tensed, the way your eyes fell shut and the lazy open mouthed smile that rested on your lips.

"t-thank you," you pushed through a whine as the sensitivity set in, tomura's actions persisting as he chased his own high, pace becoming languid and jagged as it neared. hand flying to grip his wrist as he began to pull out, "w-wait..." pleading, "c-can you uh...inside..." cheeks burning as you spoke, voice timid, quiet.

tomura's brow quirking at the request, his silence only making you feel the need to explain further, "t-the love bites aren't enough..." you pushed, "i...i want to feel you from the inside..." eyes searching his face as you trailed off, a smile forming on his lips as he obliged, settling back in with the gentle words, "anything for you, my love." you smiled shyly in turn, knowing he meant it, all too deeply.

gummy walls tightening around the thick of his shaft, tomura's brows knitting together as the coil nestling at the pit of his stomach slowly came undone, hips staggering, painting your warmth with his pearly seed inscribing the story of your shared love on your walls like a parietal painting.

                              ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

the rushing water pooled at your feet, head tipped back as tomura's sudsy digits massaged your scalp gently, eyes falling shut as he moved the shower head over the length of your hair, keeping the soap from trailing down your face before raking conditioner through your locks with tender care, repeating.

your fingers moved through snowy locks as tomura reached for the shampoo bottle, taking a whiff, "it smells so…sweet," he commented, "one of the reasons i like it so much," you shrugged, "is it any good ?" he questioned, "you'll see for yourself when we're done," humming, he sniffed it once more, "i like it" slight confusion lacing your brows, "how so ? you haven't even seen the results yet," earning a shrug, "it smells like you," the words forming a sweet ball of golden light to glow within your chest, a smile dawning your face, "besides, your hair is always super soft anyway."

dried and clothed, tomura fingers combed through his hair in the reflection, "woah…" he spoke, "see ? this is why i keep telling you to quit buying the cheap stuff," gently poking a finger into his arm with a smile, he shrugged, "eh, it gets the job done but this...this is some fancy shit." laughing at his choice of wording, "yeah, sure it is, tomura." sarcasm laced within the words, earning a playful squinted glare in the reflection from the other. 

"do you wanna do a face mask with me ?" holding up a small pot in one hand and an sealed packet in the other as tomura splashed water on his soapy features, patting his clean face dry as you continued, "a clay mask is drying and would probably irritate the areas around your lips and eyes but i think a sheet mask should be okay."

"and if it does irritate my skin ?" you squint, pointing as you talk, "it’s moisturising, so i have high hopes that it won't..." smiling as you trailed off, he shrugged, "sure then, go ahead."

perched at the edge of the bathtub, you took place between his knees, his hands placed on the backs of your thighs as you laid the serum doused sheet on his features, tugging it into place. entranced by your focus, tomura's heart swelling as his eyes raked over the soft lines of your face, the wet tendrils sticking to your forehead, the gentle curl of your pretty lashes and the plump lips he so dearly wanted to kiss again, "there we go." you piped, breaking tomura's daze, his eyes shifting to the mirror, "i look terrifying," he laughed, "you don't," you retort, "and don't laugh, you'll shift the placement of the mask," shrugging, arms held in surrender "whatever you say."

he observed intently as you swiped the clay on your face, "now we both look terrifying," you laughed, earning a tut, "no, you, you look cute." giggling at the words, "well, you think i look cute in anything." shrugging, "my point exactly."

tomura's chest warmed as you gently pressed the serum into his skin, the dried mask discarded on the counter not too long ago, fingers setting soft pats against the scarred flesh, careful not to agitate the wounds, "you haven't been scratching as much recently," you spoke, gaze dipping to his neck, reaching for the moisturiser you'd put on moments prior, gently massaging it into his skin, "the urge comes in waves sometimes," he shrugged, "still, im proud of you," a gentle smile gracing your lips as you uttered the words, tomura mirroring it, "all done!" you beamed, tomura pulling you down, setting a soft kiss to your lips, "now you're done." he corrected.

you soon found your tired bodies interlinked within fresh silk sheets, your head on tomura's chest as his fingers smoothed over your hair, the nostalgic cartoon playing in the background on the tv becoming white noise as your heavy lids fluttered shut, drifting into a hearty slumber within the safe confines of the arms of your lover.

[sorcerousundries]

Her Graces loyal protecter

Criston Cole as your sworn protector

(the one where he’s injured during a tourney)

Warnings; Fem!Reader, Established relationship, Reader is described with Targaryen features(Violet eyes, long silver hair, implied pale skin), Rhaenyra is wed to Harwin Strong, Rhaenyra and Reader are heavily implied to be twins, Dubious age dynamics, stolen Rhaenyra dialogue, Daemon loves his niece in a non creepy way

A/N: He’s so fine when he shuts up

Content under the cut

The carriage jostled as it went over rocks and bumps in the road, the road to The Red Keep was always long but the road seemed to forever go on as the uncomfortable silence bore on.

You braved a glance to the other side of the carriage. Alicent Hightower. your Sisters Best-friend sat on the other side of the bench like seat.

You remember a time when all three of you would sit underneath the great tree in the courtyard, huddled together with mud staining the bottoms of your dresses, reading the song of ice and fire, one of you shrieking that you weren’t done reading the page.

It felt like centuries ago, now you both sit with blank stares. your father sits at the head of the carriage, before you left, you had a rather nasty row regarding your betrothal.

Your sister had done the same, your father told you.

Your thoughts were cut short as the carriage swayed to a stop, you had to cringe to stop yourself from rolling your eyes when your father took Alicents hand in his, giving her a soft smile.

You sat alone with your thoughts for a couple moments watching through the small window as the two figures disappeared up the steps of the royal box.

You looked down at your gown, typical Targaryen colours, Red and Black.

The rounded neckline encrusted with rubies along with the bodice giving way to panel of red in the middle of the skirt, two dragons on either side of the skirt panels.

“Your grace” you heard someone call, your cue to make your way to the box.

Stepping out of the carriage and taking the steps one at a time, trying to drag out the length before you would have to sit in her another awkward silence before the start of the tourney.

You took your seat, huffing as the velvet crinkled around your form, looking over at the array of knights, you recognise some.

A Greyjoy, a Baratheon, a Hightower, your uncle Daemon and the one you were seeking.

Criston.

In silver armour and a Dornish patterned shield on his forearm with his white cloak splayed on his horses rump, you could not see his face but you smiled at the image of his tan skin and dark locks flickering in your mind.

Your snapped from your gawking as drums sound, the start of the tourney.

People cheering rings in your ears, you clap as the competitors line up.

Your Aunt Rhaenys blesses Boremund Baratheon with her favor, but it was in vain as he is struck down from his horse.

Your uncle in turn chooses Gwayne Hightower to joust. You can feel the air tense as the take their sides.

You can’t help but snicker as your uncle is very literally taken off his high horse, the second time he gets lucky, darting his lance out to swipe his horses feet from under him.

Gwayne lands hard, Daemon with a smug smile on his face, you stand as daemon trots over to the box.

“Nicely done uncle” you smirk, leaning your forearms onto the bannister, “thank you princess” he grins, “it’s in all certainty I can say that I will win these games lēkianna, yet having your favor would all but assure it” he says, pointing his lance at you.

You snort silently as you walk over to seat, grabbing the red and white knights favor, you lock eyes with Alicent, paralleling her as she done the same thing moons ago.

You toss the favor, it circles his lance before landing at the hilt.

He smiles before trotting back to his place at the tilt, knights chat among themselves before the herald cries “Ser Criston Cole will now tilt against Ser Daemon Targaryen, Prince of the city”.

This stills your heart and you lean forward in your seat, watching as both men take their places.

Both waiting for the other to make their first move, the tension is palpable, almost thick enough to cut with a knife.

In a blink of an eye Daemon spurs his horse forward and both men charge towards eachother, the first lap Daemon nicks Criston, when they swap lances and charge again it felt like it was in slow motion.

Criston jabs Daemon and he falls like a rag doll being dragged by his horse down the tilt bar before face planting onto the ground.

You smile with relief as you watch Criston steady his horse, clapping and cheering for him as the crowd roars.

But your relief fades as Daemon challenges Criston to a contest of arms, they swing at eachother.

Daemon with a sword, Criston with a mace, you watch incredulously as the men swing desperately, their shields breaking down.

Your mouth turns upward in an almost shocked expression as Daemon is struck to the ground, Criston taking the victory, he slaps Cristons hand away as he attempts to help your uncle up.

Both men limp off, you jump from your seat, not minding the puzzles look your father shoots your way, you pick up your skirts as you rush down the stairs, the uneven steps and winding hallways familiar to you.

You end up at the entry flap of his tent, you can hear other knights and nobles speculating and gossiping about the tourney, you open the flap, bowing your head as to not ruin the array of braids neatly arranged on your silver head.

There he sits, shirtless, his tanned muscles flexing as he wipes the gashes on his arms and abdomen, groaning as they sting.

“Ser” you say, grabbing his attention, he looks up immediately “princess” he smiles.

You return the grin, slinking over to him to stand between his legs, taking the blood soiled cloth from his hands, pinching his chin between your thumb and forefinger, you dab at the blood dripping from the corner of his lip.

“I’ll admit you had me worried for a moment” you murmur, his dark eyes are wide and soft as they look up at your violet ones.

“And why would that be princess?” He smirks, raising his eyebrows at you.

“I thought my Uncle had finally got the best of you when he falsely claimed his victory, but it seems you proved me wrong” the praise dripping with honey from your lips as you apply the egg white and wine mixture onto his wounds.

“You certainly know how to make an entrance, don’t you Ser?, I thought you were supposed to be a fearless knight, not a fallen one” you jab playfully.

His smirk grows “I like to think of it as a dramatic flair, besides, I didn’t want to steal all of the attention from the other knights”. You laugh lightly “well you certainly succeeded, now hold still I don’t want to make you look even more of a fool” you seat his shoulder lightly as he squirms from the sting of the paste mixture.

“If you keep talking like that, I might just need to start charging you for my championship, a knight should not have to endure such teasing with proper compensation”.

You raise an eyebrow, “oh?, and what compensation do you have in mind, Ser Criston” you giggle.

He grins “perhaps a dance at the next royal feast?, I promise to keep my feet to myself this time” he chimes, you chuckle as you remember the first time you tried to show Criston how to dance, your toes were sore for nearly two moons after it.

“Is that a challenge?, I’ll have you know Prince Ommen Macklyn told me I was the most charming dancer this side of the emerald sea.

He bows his head as deep laughter reverbs through his chest “I’ve seen how you handle a sword, i can only imagine how you handle the dance floor. I’d be the one needing protection then” your jaw drops in mock offense.

You finish placing the cloth bandage on his jaw before you lean closer, almost touching noses with him, “you know, if you keep flirting with me, I might just honour you with a kiss the next time we dance together”

“That is a dangerous offer to make, I might just take you up on that offer” he hums, gripping your hips softly in his calloused hands to pull you onto his lap.

“Oh of course, how terrible it would be if you took me up on the offer. I suppose I could compromise by offering you a kiss now” you roll your eyes playfully, “truly wicked” he mutters before his lips seal over yours.

[emsgwenstan]

Personal or professional?

Chap 2 | chap 3 | chap 4

Larissa Weems x fem(carpenter/joiner) named reader.

Words: 2k

Warnings: panic attack, anxiety.

Note: what is violet making? Haha. God the obsession is becoming clear I’d say. X

———

Thursday came and went quickly, it’s currently Friday and 4 in the afternoon, with each passing day it seems to be getting colder and colder. Larissa sent me a screenshotted booking at a restaurant In Burlington reserved for 6:30, by the looks of it, its 5 star and very luxurious, she also said she’ll pick me up. I’m knocking off earlier than usual, hopefully finishing in half an hour. I sent her my address in return.

Im so excited, but I know it’s strictly a professional dinner between two adult woman, who might I add, has already shared an awkward moment that I can’t go back from. I’ll just pretend it never happened. But I wanted it to. I gathered the mahogany off cuts from the racks and placed them on my bench to start Monday, prepped the sandpaper and sander blowing out all the dust from the previous projects just to fill in time until I leave.

Dragging my bag slung over my shoulder and pulling out my hair tie to release the tension in my head, I turn off the lights and shut down the compressors finally leaving the vicinity until next week. Ducking out the front, I unlocked my car and threw in my belongings before starting the short 4 minute drive home. Regathering my things and making it to the front door I fumbled with the keys before dropping them to the ground. Not now. Short tempered me bent down, snatched the keys and practically ripped open the door.

Stepping inside placing my Keys in the dish on the hall stand, I took a deep breath trying to calm down. Wandering further into the house I made it to my room carelessly flinging my bag on the bed. I went looking for my tv remote to flick on for background noise, but of course it was no where in sight. 20 minutes of searching, I found it on the floor under my bed, irritated again, I put on a random movie and tore off my work clothes to have a shower and wash my hair, hopefully a scalp massage will help with my impending headache.

Stepping out and wrapping myself in a towel in front of the vanity, I wiped the mirror of steam just for it to re-form again, I used another towel to dry my hair as much as I could before blow drying it. My headache is mostly gone but I still have irritability in my system almost as if I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I can’t pin point the exact reason behind it, but I just need to push though and finish my hair and do my make up, I’m sure everything is going to be fine.

Doing the finishing touches on my makeup my hands start trembling wildly when I remember i haven’t eaten a thing today, probably just low blood sugar. Except my breathing becomes erratic, I walk out of the ensuite and sit on the edge of the bed for 5 minutes. Feeling up to it i pace to the dresser and pull out my underwear and slip them on and walk to my closet to find something to wear. I haven’t touched any of this for a very long time, I hardly remember what i have, most of my clothes are black with bits of burgundy and purples, possibly one or two things white or cream.

Dress after dress, skirt after skirt, blouses and pants strewn around my room and on the floor, not a fucking thing is right, isn’t what I want, doesn’t look right or good, fits weirdly. I hadn’t relised how much time i spent on looking and trying on clothes as there was a knock at the door, my stomach churned at the thought of not being ready for Larissa. I’m always on time, if not always early, I throw on a robe and hesitantly walk the length of the hallway to the door, I looked in the mirror on the wall seeing my eyes are bloodshot and a frown line indented between my brows, she’s going to be so disappointed in me.

Upon opening the door Larissa was breath taking, her hair styled in a low bun with her usual side part and dressed in a navy blue dress shorter than her normal work ones, white heels higher and a blue with white detailing coat to tie it all together, her lips painted in a darker shade of red as well as darker eyeshadow, also holding a small white purse. I could have collapsed at the sight of her, but knowing I have to face the inevitable disappointment, I clung to the door’s architrave.

“Violet… are you alright?” She asked concerned at my state. I let out a small huff annoyed at myself for causing a problem. I looked deep into her eyes telling her without words that I’m really not ok. “Come in.” I said opening the door widder for her to step in. She did, walking in past me she turned on the spot, observing, trying to understand the situation. I move toward her taking her wrist pulling her towards my room. Larissa took in the little bits she could view of my home, before I led her into the bedroom. I let go of her wrist and walked further into the messy room.

Turning to face her i splayed out my arms, gesturing to the state of everything. “None of it fits.” I said dropping my arms to my sides. “What do you mean darling?” She asked, still a little confused. “I mean every single thing in my wardrobe is to big, I haven’t a thing to wear.” I said, crouching down and pick the items of clothing off the floor angrily tossing them to the bed. Larissa walked a little further to bend at the knees and crouch down to take my hands in her own. “Violet.” She said. I didn’t stop, still trying to pick things up. “Violet stop sweetheart.” She gently commanded. At that I did, Larissa slowly stood pulling me with her and placing me down on my bed in a sitting position. She took to sitting beside me still holding my hands. “I’m sorry, I just- I just don’t have anything, I wanted to be ready before you got here an-.” I blurted. “It’s ok.” She said. “Don’t worry about it.”.

I sat in silence, until I could feel my nose go funny and my eyes starting to water. I’ll be damned letting Larissa see me cry. I shot up causing her to jump a little. “Just give me a minute sorry.” I shakily said walking briskly back into the ensuite and closing the door. I turned the tap on and looked at myself In the mirror, the tears flowing down my cheeks and a sob trying to crawl it’s way up my throat, I cover my my mouth trying not to make a noise. I was in there for about a minute not wanting to keep her waiting, cleaning the tears that have slightly ruined my make up and made mascara run all the way down my neck, I pat myself with the edge of a hand towel, turning off the tap and plastering on a smile, I re-opened the door to find Larissa had picked up most of the clothes on the floor.

She faced me with a sympathetic smile and tossed the shirt she was holding on the bed before coming up to me and stopping. Extending her hand up to my face she used the pad of her thumb to wipe a smudge of black from the corner of my eye, she used her other hand to cup my cheek and pull me into a hug. It’s been so long, it’s been so so long, I’ve missed this. Her hand wrapped around the backs of my shoulders and one on my head. I exhaled before breathing her back in, her scent, her perfume, her smell.

I pulled away not looking at her, feeling like it’s enough physical touch for now, how is it I’ve known Larissa for less than a week and she already feels like home, I don’t understand. “Just give me a moment, Ill actually put clothes on.” I said pulling out a sweater and sweat pants from the pile. Turing around I walked back towards the door stopping outside it telling her to make herself comfortable in the lounge room and I won’t be long.

Larissa complied and took a seat on the couch, she absorbed her surroundings, taking in my own decor, the large book shelf full of books, the arm chair in the corner with a tall lamp standing beside it, the large fire place with a big dark green and tan rug resting in front of it, the vaulted ceilings and simple yet elegant light hanging from one of the beams. Moving on the spot, was the kitchen behind her, the black marble bench tops secured to forest green cupboards and the same for the overhead cabinets with glass pains in the doors and little plants next to the sink in the island bench. She saw a lot of me in the rooms and smiled at the thought.

I opened the door stepping out in the old baggy clothes. Sitting next to Larissa I stared at the flames flickering within the fireplace. “I’m so sorry Larissa I didn’t plan this, I should have bought something yesterday.” I said. “What do you have?” She asked. I shifted to face her. “What?” I wondered. “What do you have in your pantry, I’ll cook something for us?” She questioned. I sat there looking at her wondering why the hell she hasn’t left angry yet. “I don’t care about going. I just hope your ok, would you like me to stay?” It was silent before I whispered. “Yes.”. Larissa pulled out her phone and obviously cancelled the booking.

I got up and opened the pantry, I could hear Larissa’s shoeless feet pad behind me and come to a stop. I took a step back letting her look for herself. She seemed to pick out a pack of fettuccine and a few things like crushed tomatoes, garlic, onion and herbs, stepping back she placed the ingredients on the bench. “Up for spaghetti?” She asked, I smiled and turned to the freezer and picked out a pack of mince. “And meatballs?” I asked. Larissa chuckled “and meatballs.” She replied.

Standing in the kitchen together was nice. She took the reins and somehow managed to make her way around, finding all the utensils, pots and pans she needed. I sat on top of the bench watching her flit about, I did ask if she wanted help but Larissa declined the offer. After a while I could tell she was getting hot and grabbed her shoulder spinning her around to face her back towards me as I peeled off her coat, Larissa let out a breath. “Thank you, I was getting a bit hot.” She laughed. I folded the coat and hopped off the bench to lay it on the back of the lounge. Walking back I stood beside her at the stove. “You know for some who has a big kitchen and makes them for a living, I hate cooking.” I stated, chuckling looking at her side profile. A grin spread across her face.

Larissa stepped back and leaned against the island bench with her hands clamped to the edges, she observed my jumper with a smirk. “Do I have something on me, is it stained?” I asked looking for possible marks. “No it’s just, the Colour… it’s violet.” She giggled. “Oh shut up.” I said rolling my eyes. “Anyway.” I started. “How was work today?” She took a moment to visibly recall her day. “It was… something.” She trailed. “I had detention with a group of four boys and it seemed to have turned into a therapy session. It was so odd, but very eye opening I guess, I didn’t expect it in the slightest.” She finished. “Wow, headmistress and therapist. What else?” I asked spinning around to pull out two wine glasses from the cabinets above me. Larissa shook her head and let out a little tsk. “God knows, I’m constantly surprised at the things that go on in my life.” She said.

“Are you a wine person by any chance?” I asked temporarily off topic. “Yes.” She answered. “Red, white or rosé?” I asked placing the glass on the counter. “Red, please.” Larissa hadn’t noticed the wine rack under the bench she was leaning against, I bent down and was just about eye level with her abdomen when I pulled out a bottle beside her. “So constantly on your toes than?” I asked referring back to the initial conversation. “Always. I think my job is easier when I have students that are troubled and I can connect with them about something so small, that gives them a sense of reassurance their not alone. It also feels less dawning on me, just so I don’t seem annoying to get them to open up.” She ended. I passed her a glass and watched her take a sip, her eyes involuntarily closed and she let out a small hum at the taste. I could feel my cheeks heating.

“That’s good than, I love kids, all ages to. I have a niece and she’s four I love her to death, I loved her mom and other auntie to bits to when they were kids.” I said reminiscing when Louise and jade were little. “Oh you have siblings?” She asked. “You don’t?” I asked back. “No, only child I’m afraid.” She said taking a sip and placing the glass back on the counter to tend to the stove and turn it off. “Well technically, their my half siblings on my dads side, but I will still call them my sisters no matter what. I mean I practically raised them.” I said pulling out two plates and cutlery. “So your the eldest I presume?” She asked dishing up the plates. “Yeah, I was ten when the first was born and twelve with the second.” I said picking up the plate. “Do you mind if we sit in the lounge room? Is so cold in the dining.” I asked. “Of course.” She said picking up her plate and wine glass, I did the same and placed my own glass on the floor plucking two cushions from the couch and tossing them on the floor for us to sit on.

“So where are they now?” She asked, digging into her food. “About 5 hours away.” I said. “So your not from Jericho?” She questioned. “No I moved here about 15 years ago.” I said not elaborating on why. “How is it I haven’t seen you around before?” She asked. “I don’t get out much.” I answered, beginning to eat my dinner. Fuck it was good, Larissa knows how to cook. For a while we just sat and ate, I stoll glances of her and tried so hard to not make it as though I was staring.

Our dishes discarded on the the floor and legs tucked behind ourselves, Larissa broke the silence. “I hope it was ok for me to stay, you could have told me to leave if you wanted to be alone.” She said peering over at me. The fire light was licking at her skin so beautifully, the glow made her look even more incredible. “I would have if I didn’t want you here.” I said sincerely. Larissa looked at her watch and her face contorted into a sad expression. “It’s getting quite late I should probably go soon, I’ll help tidy the kitchen.” She said. “No don’t even think about it, I can do that, you’ve done enough already, I appreciate the offer though.” I said. Larissa looked away for a moment, but her eyes fell upon a book I had resting on the small coffee table beside the lounge.

“Is that the book you bought the other day?… may I?” She asked gesturing towards it. “Yeah go ahead.” She pulled the book toward herself and flipped open to the page that had a bookmark wedged with it. “For eternity, the most beautiful things to me about you, are the things you won’t ever know about yourself. Things only I know of, because everyday I read you like a book that has never been read. Your beautiful cover with your inspiring title and amazing story held captive my curiosity. Now everyday I yearn to learn from your mystery.” I watched as she was reading, her eyes scanning through the piece of literature and her red lips forming the words, I had in fact already read that particular poem, but when it came from her I felt like I could just float into an abyss somewhere, I could hear it forever. I could hear her forever.

“I like that.” She said softly, she flipped the page back and read a couple more silently, before closing it and resting it back on the table. Larissa slowly stood and picked up my plate taking it with her back to the kitchen. I rose slowly having to hold onto the couch for support, work has really taken a toll on my body. Larissa came back to toe on her heals and rounded the lounge to meet me holding out her coat for her to slip back into. “I’ve had a wonderful evening Violet.” She said looking into my eyes. “Ditto… and I’m sorry again, but I’m sure your cooking was better than what that restaurant had to offer anyway.” I said with a smile. “Thank you, it was quite good wasn’t it?” She said with a self satisfactory smirk. “Absolutely delicious, are you going to be alright driving home, not tipsy are you?” I asked. “No I have an impeccable tolerance, thanks for the concern.” She said pulling out her keys from her pocket.

I lead Larissa to the door and open it for her. We both stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting for each other to say something. “Thank you again for the wonderful evening vi. I’ll be seeing you soon I hope.” Vi, oh my god, my nickname, this along with darling and sweetheart, I may faint. “Yes I’ll let you know when I’m ready to install at the school. I have something else for you to.” I said. “Really, what is it?” She questioned. “Uh uh, it’s a surprise, be patient and you’ll see.” I remarked with a sickeningly sweet tone. Larissa laughed and nodded. “Ok than.” She jested. Another stretch of silence radiated between us. Larissa leaned forward and without thinking of what was going on I stood completely still, she kissed my cheek and winked, Larissa without a word stepped out of the threshold and paced to her car.

Opening her door, she looked back at me. “Excuse my language, but it’s fucking freezing.” She called out. I just about died laughing, causing her to giggle. “It’s ok, I mean it is really fucken cold.” I said mocking her, crossing my arms to somehow get warmer. Larissa took the opportunity to slide into her car and turn it on, reversing out I could just make out her hand waving goodbye as she drove off. I returned the wave and closed the door locking it behind me. A feeling of emptiness washed over me as I wandered back into the kitchen, I gathered all of the dishes and put them into the dish washer and wiped down the benches.

A yawn escaped my mouth when I threw on another piece of wood on the fire, walking to turn off all the lights and make my way to my room, my eye was caught by Larissa’s purse resting on the floor next to the cushion she was sat on. I picked it up and smiled at the label Dior of course. Hesitantly I opened it and saw the contents within, a lipstick, wad of cash and a small vile of perfume. The perfume was the only thing that interested me, I wanted to smell her, feel close to her, closer than I know we’ll ever be.

I’ll find time to return it to as soon as I can possibly tomorrow, but for now I’m going to bed, my cold, empty and lonely bed.

@lex13cm @im-a-carnivorous-plant

@barbarasstar @giogwensversion @sabraaabra

[kimsohn]

haywire

pairing . juyeon x gn! reader (ft. karina of aespa) about . 1.5k words, fluff warnings . juyeon is pretty ooc (i had the urge to make him a hot beach boy sorry), very detailed description of him bc y/n is down bad (this isn't suggestive i just explained things in detail), y/n is also a little bit of an idiot, cursing

synopsis . public showers are the bane of your existence, but maybe you have to reconsider after seeing the eye candy next door. note. this is heavily inspired by juyeon's shower scenes in lip gloss!! (tysm to jacobblr for these gifs, view them in order as you read! 1 2) this was meant to be a drabble but i got carried away, hence the length. enjoy the physical hotness that is juyeon 💗

You have come to the conclusion that sand is magical.

Seriously, how is it that so much still remains on you after you've been furiously rubbing it off for the past 30 minutes? It's like glue is attached to the particles, because either it's not coming off or you're just a complete idiot (it's probably the latter).

"Y/N, the only way that sand is going to come off is with a shower." your friend Karina states, packing up the umbrella covering you two, "Stop trying so hard or you're going to get a towel burn. Is that what it’s even called? It’s definitely not a carpet burn…"

You sigh as you cut out her rambling, knowing that her words are correct and that you're simply choosing to ignore them because of your dislike for public showers. They're out in the open, extremely inefficient, and who knows how many people have stood on the nasty tile, but it's either that or ruining Karina's convertible with sand.

"Fine. I'll be back in ten."

Grabbing the towel, you make your way up the sand, spotting the metal showerheads in the distance. Wearing your flip-flops was useless because the sand still manages to make its way between your toes, and now it's an extra hassle to clean them and walk with the dripping water and squeaky noises. However, you would do anything to not feel the weird flooring of the showers, even if that meant dealing with the annoyance on your feet.

You hope for the best and make your way toward the first one, and to your luck, it’s empty. Thank heaven you don't have to make awkward eye contact with the other people showering. Plus, the handle is extendable, so you can properly rinse the sand off without leaving anything behind. As much as you hate to admit it, Karina was right: the shower can do so much more for you than a towel.

Once you're done double and triple washing the grit off your body, you turn off the shower and quickly dry yourself. The beach breeze has you shivering so you move fast, but to your utter dismay, the towel isn't enough to clean you entirely. It becomes fully damp only halfway through, and the rest of your body feels like it's in the Arctic Pole with the way your goosebumps prickle.

However, before you can freeze to ice, your lucky brain registers the shower running next to you. Maybe they have a spare towel, or at least something to dry you off, but as you walk around to ask, you stop in your tracks.

Your whole body feels numb now because the man standing in front of you is short-circuiting your brain. The shower sounds fade out behind you and all you can hear is the soft dangle of his silver bracelet when he moves his hand, and the water dripping from his sharp chin. He's washing his neck and it's doing absolutely nothing to help because his muscles are flexing, and the water from his hair is dripping onto his beautiful face, long fingers, thin black necklace, and… his chest. His goddamn chest. He's wearing a white tank but it's useless because the water is making it incredibly see-through, and you have to stop tracing his abdomen with scrutiny before you pass out. You have the thought that you should probably stop looking before you die of heatstroke and not your goosebumps, but even his hair is too beautiful to look away from.

I can't believe even hair can be this sexy.

"Hm?"

You watch in horror as he looks up to meet your gaze, and his feline-shaped eyes make you lose your senses for a couple of moments. Then you’re realizing the silence and the stare, and it finally hits you that you said those words out loud. You're in deep shit because now he probably thinks you're a freak, which probably means you have zero chance of getting a towel and maybe some decent eye candy too.

"Um, I’m so sorry. I did not mean to call your hair sexy—"

"Thanks, I guess? No one's ever told me that before."

His face shifts into a small smile, and you're absolutely fucked because his eyes crinkle and all you're reminded of is a cute little cat. How did he go from charming to sweet in five seconds? You blame it on the dimples. Or the eye mole.

"You're... welcome?" you say, scratching your neck awkwardly, "Sorry, I just came here to ask if you had a spare towel."

"I do actually," he says, turning off the water and handing you a fluffy white towel, pure like his endearing smile.

You mutter thanks, quickly wiping the remaining water droplets on your skin, but by now you don't even feel cold anymore because of the man standing in front of you. He's too hot to handle, quite literally, and if it weren't for the fact that you just took a shower, you'd probably be sweating. If you knew public showers contained fine specimens, you wouldn't have held a grudge for so long.

"Thank you again, um..."

"Juyeon."

You stare at the towel in your hands.

"No seriously, I'm sure I would've frozen if it weren't for you," you respond, clearing your throat, "if you want, I can wash this towel for you. It would be no problem at all, really, I can give it back to you the next time you're at the beach."

He hums in thought, grabbing his phone.

"Or you can just give me your number. You can text me back when it's clean and we can meet up somewhere. You live in the area, right?"

Is this gorgeous man actually asking you for your number? You try and convince yourself that this isn't romantic at all and that he's just trying to make this convenient for you. Why would he even like a creep spying on him showering, right?

"Yeah, sure!" you ask, punching in your number, "Do you want me to save my contact with just my name? I can add beach towel weirdo after it."

You’re going to murder your brain and its impulsive thoughts, and maybe even your loud mouth. You probably shouldn't have asked that because he can add a degrading nickname by himself, but he's currently drying his hair with another towel and he looks so attractive that you don't want him to stop. Maybe if hot men didn't reduce you to shambles, you'd actually be in a relationship by now.

He chuckles, and you're hoping he isn't making fun of you inside his head. However, he just shakes his head no, flinging the towel over his shoulder.

"Just your name. You can add a little heart after it if you'd like."

"A heart? Why?" you voice out, or at least you try to with the best of your ability because your throat suddenly feels parched.

"Cause you're cute. I don’t just ask everyone who borrows a towel for their number, you know."

"Oh." you whisper, and maybe it's finally time to listen to the delusion in your brain, "So you suggested meeting up later so you can... see me again. Romantically."

"You're a little silly, you know? It’s okay though; it’s adorable."

"I'm sorry, it's just, you make me a little lightheaded. I'm so much more composed normally, promise."

"Don't worry," he grins, poking your cheek, "I like you when you're flustered. I'd love to see more of it, but only if you want to, of course."

Before you can even respond, you’re interrupted by yelling from the distance.

"Y/N!" you hear, and you both turn to see Karina waving at you from her convertible, "What's taking you so long?"

You turn back to him hurriedly, not knowing what to say. The whole situation already feels like a dream, and you’re scared it’ll fade away as soon as you acknowledge it, or even worse, simply be some form of amusement to him. You’re hoping that you’re not just a joke to him.

"Um, I have to go," you whisper, clutching onto the towel, "but yeah, I'd love to, um,"

"Go on a date with me?"

"Yes. That."

You wave quickly, your brain going a little too haywire to say anything more, and you rush to Karina's car. She's staring at you with a raised eyebrow, but you don't answer because what you hear next resolves any questions she has.

"Text me later, pretty!" Juyeon shouts from the shower, and you feel like the ground is going to swallow you whole as Karina's eyes widen.

It definitely doesn’t seem like it’s a prank anymore. Not when he’s announced his interest for the whole beach to hear.

"Tell. Me. Everything."

"Well," you start, hearing her rev up the vehicle and the wheels start turning, "he's really hot, for one. Also, he asked me on a date. Am I dreaming?"

"See, this is why I’m always right. I told you the shower was a good idea!"

"Yeah,” you respond, leaning back in your seat, “I just didn't know it would be this good."

[celestiall0tus]

Court of Miracles - Chapter 14 - Emergency

Beginning || Previous || Next

            Luka groaned as he moved. He raised his hand to his head as he opened his eyes. He gasped as he saw the black and purple hair that covered his forearms. Panic set in as he looked down at his legs to see a pair of black goat legs like a satyr. A gasp escaped him as he made a goat bleat. He covered his mouth and felt the beard scruff now on him.

            “Oh, thank goodness. You’re awake,” Marc said.

            Luka looked over as Marc knelt beside him. He tilted his head as Marc reached out and hesitated to touch him several times.

            “Is everything ok, Marc?” Luka asked.

            Marc’s face flushed. “Huh? Oh. Oh! Y-yeah. Just… trying to be respectful.”

            “Respectful? What do you mean?”

            “Uh, well, you see… you… I just… I can show you. Uh, do you… do you need help standing?”

            “Please.”

            Marc held a shaky hand out for Luka, who took it. Luka staggered up to his feet. He took an awkward half-step and tripped. He collided with Marc and sent them both to the floor. He gasped and pushed himself up as he looked down at Marc’s red face. He opened his mouth when a sensation washed over him. It was sweet, yearning, and tantalizing. It awoken a strange hunger that wasn’t there before. A hunger that demanded he gorge himself on this feeling.

            Luka looked down at Marc with lited eyes. He reached a hand up to Marc’s chin when Marc’s eyes widened, and he scrambled out from under Luka.

            “Gotta go! Meeting. Here. Mirror wall!” Marc blurted.

            Luka lingered a moment longer after the door slammed and Marc left. The sensation waned, but the hunger remained. He knotted his brows as he looked up at the wall Marc warped. His eyes widened seeing the chiseled, muscular body he sported instead of the lanky one. Hair covered his neck, part of his shoulders, and down a small length of his torso before it petered out. His long hair was cut short to a shaggy mess that sported a pair of ram horns with a pair of red amber eyes in the mess of it all.

            “Look who’s finally awake,” Ziggy said.

            Luka startled as Ziggy materialized. His eyes widened seeing her dressed in a black halter crop top with a large boob window, skin tight black pants, and thigh-high black boots. She leaned against Marc’s desk as she tossed an apple about.

            “Ziggy? Shouldn’t you be with Jagged?” Luka asked.

            “Not anymore. My place is with the shifter and newest heir,” Ziggy announced.

            “Heir?”

            “Right-o. You’re the goat heir now. Velze’s word, Luka.”

            “What about the snakes?”

            “Ten guesses who Velze named.”

            Luka’s eyes widened as they sparked with hope. “So, what now?”

            “Now your little cicada is going to announce you to the whole court, Jagged joins the Elders, and you’re stuck with me.”

            “That’s… not so bad. Could you help me, please?”

            Ziggy nodded and helped Luka up. She showed him how to walk as a satyr and helped him along until he got the gist of it.

            “So, how’s it feel to be one of us?” Ziggy asked.

            “It’s… different. Uh, would that happen to be one of your apples, Ziggy?”

            “Why, yes. You hungry?”

            Luka nodded. Ziggy tossed him the apple and he took a large bite out of it. She watched him devour the apple and the puzzled look when he was still hungry.

            “You seem confused. Still hungry?”

            “Yeah. Are you sure it was one of your apples? I had your food before. Horribly tempting, but also filling.”

            “You saying the apple wasn’t tempting?”

            “No. It still was, but I’m still hungry. When I’ve had your food before, I felt full after just one bite, but not this time.”

            “Consider it the first of many changes, Luka. We’ll cover them shortly, but we need to get you ready to be presented as the goat heir. Let me just.”

            Ziggy trailed off as she snapped her fingers. Luka turned human with the new muscular body, shaggy black and purple hair, red amber eyes, and ram horns. He looked at himself in the mirror in his old snake-themed clothes. She stepped into the mirror and curled her lips.

            “Oh, that won’t do. What is this?”

            “What’s wrong with it?”

            “Let’s see, the snake details, its far too modest for that of revelry, especially a shifter. Nope, we do this first.”

            “I don’t think-,” Luka started.

            “Hush! You are to be presented as my heir. You must look the part, Luka. Now, relax, and allow me to work my magic.”

~~

            Adrienne took her seat in the council room with the rest of the heirs. She drummed her fingers against the table while the other heirs chattered amongst each other. She scanned the room for any sign of Luka or Sass but didn’t see either. She bristled when she saw Anarka stand at the end of the table near Jagged.

            “What is she even doing here?” Adrienne hissed.

            “Well, this is a decision in terms of the snake heir, right? She would need to know if she’s joining the Elders,” Mylene whispered.

            Adrienne’s breath caught. She had forgot that it wasn’t fully officialized that Luka was the snake heir or that Anarka was to join the Elders. Was this more than just Juleka’s behavior? If it was, then where was Luka? Where was Juleka? She frantically looked around again when Marc took his seat.

            “Greetings, everyone. Uh, I have… lots of news. Uh, I just… I don’t know where to start,” Marc stammered.

            Felix rolled his eyes. “We’ve talked about this Marc. Just say it.”

            Marinette lightly swatted Felix’s shoulder. “Leave the poor thing be. Can’t you see he’s under a lot of pressure right now. It almost makes me wonder what happened.”

            Marc tensed up at Marinette’s knowing, mischievous look. “R-right. Well, we have a… we have a lot of news. Uh, first, and to get it out of the way. Velze declares that Juleka will not be punished. He also declares that the idea of weaving traditional customs with new ones that Psyche and Ondine pushed is allowed so long as the new customs reflect what is being celebrated.”

            Murmurs of approval passed through the court while Ondine frantically waved her hand around.

            “Yes, Ondine?” Marc asked.

            “Can I help with some of the new customs, pretty please?”

            “Y-yes. I would suggest you work with Juleka on that.”

            Ondine grinned and bounced. “Oh, I will. I can’t wait.”

            “Which, speaking of Juleka, where is she?” Marc asked.

            “Still in the greenhouse, locked away where she belongs,” Anarka blurted.

            Marc gave a nervous chuckle. “R-right. Uh, well, we’ll just make sure the news gets back to her. But! There’s been another decision made.”

            “What decision?” Felix demanded.

            Marc took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Juleka has been named the snake heir by Velze himself.”

            The court erupted into chatter while Anarka’s face fell.

            “What do you mean she’s been named the heir? What about Luka?” Anarka demanded.

            “A-about that. You see-,”

            Marc was cut off when Ziggy materialized in the center of the table.

            “Ziggy? Where’ve you been?” Jagged asked.

            “I’ve been preparing something special, and I want to be the first to invite you all to a special party tonight. In honor of a special pair of someones that are worth celebrating!” Ziggy announced.

            “Hell yeah! Who are these people?” Jagged cheered.

            “Our lovely snake heir, Juleka, and, presenting my newest heir declared by Velze himself, Luka Stone!” Ziggy cheered as she pointed towards Marc.

            The court gasped as they turned to look where Ziggy pointed. Luka stood between Marc and Nathaniel. Adrienne’s jaw dropped as she took in Luka’s new appearance. He was a whole head shorter than he was before and his beautiful long black and turquoise hair gone for a rough, glorious mess of black and purple with ram horns tangled in there. His simple snake clothes traded out for a black studded cropped leather jacket, his chiseled, muscular chest bare except for a set of black studded harness straps that hugged his breasts, a pair of belts crisscrossed over his hip, black pants, and knee-high biker boots with purple laces.

            Adrienne gawked at Luka’s new form as she fought with her own feelings. She had loved the Luka that was a snake. The tall, lanky, awkward man with the long hair he cared poorly for. This Luka that was smaller, toned, and sexualized felt alien to her. She was still drawn to him, but she wasn’t sure if it was because it was her Luka, or because of some other reason. Her mind raced with questions until she moved to stand but was grabbed by Wayhem. She gasped as he yanked down on her arm.

            “You’re not going to him, are you?” Wayhem hissed.

            Fear tore through Adrienne. “I-!”

            Adrienne was cut off by Jagged’s whooping and hollering. She chanced a glance as Jagged ran up and hugged Ziggy and Luka.

            “This is amazing! Look, Penny, I have an heir! We don’t have to worry about fucking to get me an heir.”

            Luka cringed at the thought while Penny’s shoulders dropped but she forced a smile.

            “B-but, Jagged, sweetie, what about an heir for me?” Penny pressed.

            “Ah, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I’m sure there’s someone who likes that fat ass of yours. If not, maybe you’ll get lucky and Velze will just name a new heir. Sure, it’d be Lowborn, but that’s standard now, right?”

            “Jagged, that’s-,” Luka started.

            “Ah, this isn’t about her or me, it’s about you! And Juleka too, but she’s not here. And tonight we’re going to celebrate! And you’ll all invited!” Jagged declared.

            “Oh, Jagged, one more thing. Luka’s a shifter just like Juleka,” Ziggy commented.

            “He’s what?” Felix demanded.

            “He’s shifter?” Marinette asked.

            “Prove it!” Wayhem ordered.

            Ziggy shot Wayhem the side eye while Luka looked at him and Adrienne. His eyes never left Adrienne as Ziggy used her powers to shift him into satyr form. Adrienne’s eyes widened seeing his satyr form. She glanced over him but found herself on his eyes full of despair and were pleading. Guilt gnawed at her as she broke free of Wayhem, ran up to Luka, and threw her arms around him as Ziggy reverted his form.

            “Is it really still you? Are you still the Luka I know?” Adrienne begged.

            “Why would I change just because I’m a goat instead of a snake?” Luka asked.

            “I just… you’re so… different. I just-,” Adrienne started.

            “Oh, please. You must just be foaming at the mouth over all this, Adrien. What would you want more than a more attractive toy to play with?” Felix mocked.

            “How dare you! I-!” Adrienne attempted.

            “I agree with Felix. We all know better, Adrienne. You don’t love anyone in this court. We’re all just your playthings. This false concern you share for Luka is sweet, but you aren’t fooling anyone. Especially me,” Wayhem added.

            “I-,” Adrienne said.

            Jagged pulled Luka away from Adrienne and glared at her. “I have to also agree. I didn’t care too much when he was a snake because snakes, but he’s a goat now. We can’t be held back by one creature, and that’s all you’ve done. Well, that arrangement ends now.”

            Luka sneered, grabbed Jagged, and threw him against the wall. The court gasped while Luka scooped Adrienne up in his arms. Everyone gawked while he glared at everyone with dark, dark eyes.

            “Enough! All of you! Do you fucking hear yourselves? Do any of you have any right to fucking judge Adrienne or myself when none of you are any better? Do you all seriously want to air all your dirty laundry that I’ve had to listen to as a lowly little snake therapist?”

            Silence.

            “I didn’t fucking think so. Then let’s get one thing fucking straight. Adrienne is my partner. I love them more than anything and I’m fucking sick of you calling me their toy, their prize hoe, and whatever else. They are my partner, and I love them! If you cannot or won’t respect that, then fuck around and find out fuckers!”

            Silence.

            Luka snorted and left with Adrienne in his arms. Adrienne curled up in his arms and nuzzled her head in the nape of his neck. He carried her back to her residence in the peacock district to their room. He set her down on the chaise and knelt in front of her.

            “Are you ok?” Luka asked.

            “You… you stood up to the entire court. I… I never thought you would do that. Not that I’m complaining or upset with before, but I never thought I’d see it.”

            Luka chuckled and looked at the floor. “I didn’t expect it either. I just… I got angry. I’ve been angry before, but not like this. It was all-consuming and hard to contain. I tried to maintain some composure, but seeing you in pain hurt me all the more. I couldn’t keep up appearances at that moment. I had to let it out. I’m sorry.”

            Adrienne slid from the chaise into Luka’s arms. “Don’t apologize. I… I’m still shaken by it and worried how it’ll come back to me. I mean, you know how my parents are and… and the Elders, but I’m just glad not to hear any more of that today.”

            Luka looked up at Adrienne with the same dark, dark eyes that were now full of sorrow and regret, but something Adrienne wasn’t familiar with.

            “Luka, are you ok?”

            “Huh? Oh, just… just tired, I guess. This whole everything has been… draining.”

            “Luka, why did you do it? Why did you change like this? And why didn’t you tell me first?”

            “I… I’m sorry. I just… I felt awful. I felt useless. I felt powerless. Anarka wanted me to stay as the snake heir, but I knew I wasn’t suited to be the snake heir. It didn’t fully hit until I ran into Ondine and spoke with her. Well, I talked, and she listened. Hearing my own words and considering her questions, I saw the truth of it. Then I looked into the waters of the swans and saw my soul was a goat, not a snake. That’s when she told me about Velze changing hybrids like me to be the other half of their blood. I just figured it was the best for the snakes, Juleka, but most of all… myself.”

            “Oh. Well, I can’t fault you for that, but it is… difficult. I admit, I’m worried you’ve changed from the Luka I fell in love with, and I’m scared. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

            Luka held Adrienne close. “My darling peacock, my beautiful, handsomest creature, I could become a different person to the world, to those that never mattered, but I will always be the Luka you fell in love with. The man whose heart will always belong to you and you alone.”

            Tears welled in Adrienne’s eyes. “Even… even as others will pursue you and fight over you now as a goat? To seek out your companionship? Even then?”

            Luka smiled softly. “Adrienne, have you forgotten already? We promised each other that our bodies could be shared, but our hearts would always belong to just us. That didn’t change then, and it won’t change now. Even if the entire court wants a little slice of me, you’ll always have the whole cake.”

            Adrienne giggled and then smirked. “Perhaps I could get a little sample?”

            Luka grinned and kissed Adrienne. A delightful shock passed through her as she melted against Luka. He pulled back as she moved closer for another kiss but stopped as their lips grazed each other’s. She locked eyes with him and saw a spark of light and a hunger she was familiar with.

            “Would you like another sample, or the whole cake?” Luka teased.

            Adrienne grinned. “You delightful tease. I’ll take the whole cake, but don’t forget the extra frosting.”

            Luka snorted and laughed before he kissed Adrienne.

            Adrienne smiled and sighed. She held Luka closer with each kiss. Pleasure flooded her as he explored further, and her worries seemed miles away. Bliss warmed her as she happily surrendered herself.

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[cookie-crumblr]

G/N Yandere Reader x Werewolf OC

In Crestfell Forest

Part 1~

Synopsis: GN yandere reader in a dark cottagecore AU x my werewolf OC, Ace

CW: GN!Reader, no body/genitalia descriptions for reader, SOME PARTS WILL HAVE SMUT. Not really anything in this part to warn about i think! Enjoy!

!!MINORS DNI!!

Managing your way through the dark just barely, you pull your thick, velvet lined cloak tighter around your body, trying to snuggle back into some warmth.

Just through the trees, Your cottage that once was your grandfather’s, sits in waiting for you.old It’s too quiet, with not even a peep from your wolves tonight. White flowers on cross crossed wooden trellises bloom in the full moon’s beam, becoming a beacon of light in the void.

Squelch-Crack!

You look down but aren’t surprised by the fact that you can’t distinguish anything from anything else in this darkness. If you had to guess, aided by the metal in the air, it was something dead and freshly eaten.

Directly behind you a deep reverberating growling starts, and you feel a hot breath on your shoulders seeping through the fabric.

You almost fall over in a sudden fright, stumbling and tripping on your cloak, you finally end landing on your butt. A massive beast-shaped-man is on all fours above you, yet still standing at least five feet tall. You can infer by the awkward way his legs are bent and the length of his arms that he’s also bipedal. Imagining what his full height must be, you shudder slightly and pull your cloak closer.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t looking for him… Though you are far from the only one searching for him.

Your heart beats harder, and it slowly climbs up your throat, at the same time you reach up to the wolf man’s mane. After seconds that feel like an eternity, your hand connects with pale corse fur. Your fingers press down into the thick layers of hair and still dont reach skin.

He’s so warm…

It isn’t hard for you to imagine being in the middle of a cuddle pile with him and your wolves. Would you even need blankets? probably not.

Mesmerized, you don’t even realize his growling had stoped some time ago.

He pads backwards way too silently for his size.

“Don’t go…” Just a whisper comes out at first as your heart is slowing back to normal. “The whole village is out hunting you…”

Furry ears lay down flat in response as he glances back into the forest to briefly assess.

His long neck sways, tilting his massive head to reface you before he points his snout to the sky, sniffing deeply.

How he can smell past the metallic aroma is beyond you, but the fact that he’s done so, calms you.

Durning the long hike home you can’t see too well, but you see clear enough that he isn’t leaving tracks somehow.

Eventually, you’re home and, with a tiny bit of ducking and uncomfortable shoving you manage to get the massive bodied guy through your gnarled knotty wooden door without damage to the integrity!

However, you and the man-beast don’t pass the tension filled time quickly.

Will the hunters show up here? at your cabin? Your wolves are curled up with him by the fire, surrounded by all the cushions and blankets you could get your hands on.

You pace.

Bolted crossbow in hands, pointing toward the floor, but ready to be aimed. Until you hear something cut through the silence outside. Even the fire crackling quiets as you hold up the heavy thing in the direction of the sound.

Without another sound to guide you you aim at the door.

What you don’t notice is the werewolf behind you still peacefully snuggled in, as if the noise is just that; a noise.

But, before long a strawberry blonde man kicks the door open wide, his throat aligning perfectly with your bolt’s piercing point. He throws his hands up in submission, and looks behind you with a relieved smile on his face, “Oo, I like this one, Ace”

You sigh in relief.

“Ace” you infer, is the man under the ginormous beast hide. His tail wags at the man and accidentally smacks Fiona, one of your wolves.

She didn’t seem bothered.

You calm, and the crossbow lets out slight wooden and metal rattles as it relaxes with you, and facing the ground once again.

It isn’t long before the air is tense and stagnant again.

You’re all listening, waiting for anything and everything to be ripped to pieces all around you.

You only have to make it maybe another hour or so before the full moon is far enough away again to release him from that form.

Even Ezra, the man that barged in, seems tense, though you can tell, he’s hiding it well. He must have to be the strong one a lot.

“Alright,” Speaking of Ezra… He claps his hands together and stands, “‘m sick of this. Y/N, got any playing cards?”

“Does tarot count?”

“even better,” His smirk is devious.

shlip, he flips the top card over, after shuffling.

“Death,” He pauses for effect, eyes closed in faux contemplation, and head nodding as if listening to the card itself speak. You roll your eyes, “Says change is coming. Upright, so most likely a good change. Gotta let go of the past though.”

Before you can retort he’s pulling another, “Now it’s Ace,” On the table lay a reverse tower card, “Um lets reshuffle” Again, he pulls a reverse tower, and again…

“What’s wrong with the tower?” You don’t remember what your grandpa said about that one, but it does look a little hectic.

A whine from Ace and his now flat ears greets you, before Ezra cuts back in,“Hah, uh nothin, now it’s my turn! five of pentacles, hah! imma make a ton of gold,”

“I don’t think that’s what that one means…” You state.

Ace perks up suddenly with a quiet huff, ears on alert. Both Ezra and you freeze instantly in response.

Your heart is pounding in your ears and you hold your breath in effort to hear any better but…

Crunch… Crunch… Crunch….

The footsteps in the leaf litter and fallen dried out pine needles couldn’t be any louder.

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Kinktober Day 23: Somnophilia with Mingi

Trigger warnings: n/a

Content warnings: names (baby), oral (f receiving), somnophilia (well yeah)

Summary: Your boyfriend just can’t help himself when he comes home to you napping in nothing more than his oversized hoodie.

Word count: 1068

Tags: @hyuckilstan @wubbster @critssq @skzgallll

Kinktober master list

Smut below the cut

You’d always found it endearing how much Mingi seemed to enjoy watching over you as you slept. He was big and warm and strong and you felt protected so you weren’t going to complain when you woke up to him looking at you with hearts in his eyes, telling you how pretty and peaceful you looked. You often woke up to soft touches as he fixed your hair or showered you with kisses.

He was embarrassed the first time you woke up and caught him staring but the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled up at him put his mind at ease. After that, he stopped trying to hide his fascination with your sleeping form, though he’d yet to admit it went beyond the desire to admire you. Something about you drove him mad and every time he saw you sleeping in those comfy little shorts you loved so much, he had to fight to keep his hands to himself.

He’d lose that battle this time though.

When you didn’t meet him at the door, your boyfriend figured you were taking a nap. If he had to guess your three favorite things, he would say naps, him, and fluffy blankets - in no particular order, of course. He was far from surprised to see you sprawled out on the couch, throw pillow clutched to your chest while one leg rested on the back of the couch. You'd be self conscious if you could see yourself but he found it endearing. No, what surprised him was what you were wearing.

He toed his shoes off and made his way across the room, half-hard almost instantly at the sight of you in your favorite hoodie of his and a light pink pair of panties and nothing more. He wasn’t sure if he could contain himself any longer. He’d thought far too many times about the things he could do to you while you slept. To him, your resting state was a breathtaking and inherently erotic and he wanted to ruin you.

He carefully knelt between your legs and placed his large hands on your knees, sliding them up your thighs and giving a gentle squeeze. He watched your face as he began to knead the supple flesh of your thighs, warm hands against your cool skin causing chill bumps to raise across your entire body. You turned your head to face the back of the sofa and made a small sound as he disturbed your sleep but didn’t wake.

He let out a soft huff of laughter, his expression fond as he turned to press his lips to your calf that rested on the back of the couch. His lips trailed higher, peppering chaste kisses up the length of your leg until he was forced to settle in an awkward position so his face was level with your sex. He glanced back up at your face, making sure he wasn’t truly disturbing you, and placed a kiss on the front of your panties.

He began to plant kisses all over your clothed pussy, looking back up at your face after each one. He was always tender like that, treating you with great care even when you wanted him to ruin you. His eyelids fluttered as he leaned in and inhaled your scent, a low groan rumbling in his chest. His long, slender fingers tugged your panties to the side and his mouth watered at the sight. His teasing touches had worked you up in your sleep and your panties were moments away from being flooded with your arousal.

He wanted to dive right in but took a moment to run a finger along your slit, pausing when you whined and shifted. Your body instinctively chased after the stimulation and your hips wiggled slightly when the tip of his tongue ghosted over your clit. He continued teasing you like this despite how torturous it was to him, determined to have you writhing even in your slumber.

It didn’t take long for him to get his way. You couldn’t seem to hold still and eventually he had to pin you down so he could properly eat you out. His tongue worked wonders on you, occasionally plunging deep inside you and rhythmically flicking back and forth over your clit whenever he sucked on your pussy. You’d always loved his enthusiasm when going down on you and had even given him the playful title Certified Pussy Addict - a name he was very proud of despite knowing you weren’t actually going to call him that except in a mocking way.

Your face screwed up with pleasure as his perfect fingers slid into you and immediately curled, pressing against your g-spot. Had you been awake, you would’ve offered up a pathetic cry intended to be praise. Instead, you made another noise and turned your head to the side. You got louder as you got closer to the edge - and to regaining consciousness - until you could take no more and your back arched from the couch as your boyfriend roused you from your slumber.

The pillow slipped out of your grasp and toppled onto the floor as one hand flew to your mouth. “Mingi, what the fuck?” You whimpered, finally waking up as waves of liquid bliss crashed over you. You had no control over the way your muscles contracted and instinctively closed your legs around his head as he helped you ride out your orgasm.

He didn’t stop lapping at your dripping cunt until your legs relaxed around his head. When you did release him, he removed his fingers from you so excruciatingly slowly and teasingly that you found yourself wanting more despite having just come down from your high. He made a show of sucking his fingers clean of your sweet release and grinned up at you as he fixed your panties.

“I couldn’t help myself, baby. You looked so good, all relaxed and vulnerable in nothing but my hoodie.” He smirked, shrugging as he sat up between your legs. You couldn’t formulate a proper response and opted instead to pull him down for a desperate kiss, rocking your hips against his.

“So fuck me like this then.” You whispered, knowing he wouldn’t refuse. You both needed it after what you just woke up to and he was happy to give it to you.

“Gladly, baby.” He whispered back before attacking your neck with kisses.

[adelaidedrubman]

why does it always have to be wednesday

tagged today my dears @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @inafieldofdaisies today to share a wip! thank you my beloveds

sadly i haven’t had the brain functioning to make progress on anything much besides the sexless kinktober oneshot i won’t inflict on the general masses, so you’re getting some older america’s sweetheart epilogue that was written/occurs before the excerpt i posted last week from the same scene (and which i also posted a small excerpt of before unprompted)

Long, wild cascades of copper dyed deep crimson fluttered in the wind, a too-bold contrast against the rich green of the pines to grant Jestiny any semblance of stealth as she ran.  She made a futile effort at weaving herself into the shadows, darting in the thick of the forest where trees grew denser.  Her own heavy panting drowned out the crunch of footsteps against brittle grass, so that she had to glance quickly over her shoulder to see how close he’d managed to follow her — too close, the glint of a silver blade popping out from the tree trunk behind her. 

She ducked — just in time for sharpened steel to bury itself into bark rather than her skull. But her efforts at bolting further forward were still met with pain splitting along her skull —an ear-splitting shriek burst from Jestiny’s lips as she found her long hair caught and twisted in a low-hanging branch.  “Divine intervention,” the knife-wielding man exclaimed with a demented laugh as he caught the hand reaching to yank hair from the branch. “How many times must it happen before you see God is on my side?”  Tears welled in her eyes as she struggled, thrashing her head back and forth in an effort to pull her hair free. “Just get away from me!”  “Oh, Deputy.” John released her wrist, weaving the fingers of the freed hand in the length of taut-pulled hair to grip and shove her against the tree trunk, guiding the tip of the knife to the throb of her jugular. “Did you really think we wouldn’t meet again? That a gang of sinners with badges blazing in to save the day would be the end of it, simple as that?”  “So you’re going to end it now?” she croaked out, defiant, blinking away her tears. “You’re gonna really kill me, this time?” she asked, darting her eyes between gleaming silver and unblinking blue. “Or — Or just skin me alive?”  “Not today,” he answered, tracing the tip of the knife along her jawline, up to the dip beneath her ear. “Your death and your Atonement are yet to be scheduled,” he purred, dripping with sadistic delight as he raised his arm, pulling the fistful of hair high enough she was lifted off the ground by it. “But…”  His eyes finally left hers, ratcheting upwards to focus on the length of hair he held stretched against the trunk of the tree as he muttered, almost as a recitation to himself, “But I need to cut something up…”  With that, he dragged the blade across the copper flattened along the tree — her hair falling to brush along her jaw as she dropped to the ground with the tether she’d hung suspended by severed.  She curled her finger into the brittle grass, balling into fists as she lifted her head to look up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks.  “My hair!” she cried, throwing a hand up in defeat to rain confetti of crushed brown grass to fall onto her lap. “My beautiful, long hair! How could —”  “And so, the Lord had left —”  “Cut!” Jestiny screamed, stomping onto the set before Andrea could move to block her. “I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, pun intended — cut!”  “That was the fourth wig today…” “That was the fourth shitty fucking take today!” Jestiny shouted in reply to the man shuffling his way back to the wardrobe department, before glaring between the actor playing herself and the man cast as John. “I mean — are y’all trying to fucking bomb? This is my life, people!”  “This is my production,” the director said sternly from off set. “And only I say cut. Why do you keep interrupting perfectly good —”  “Because it’s all fucking wrong!” Jestiny bellowed, waving an arm about wildly before taking a hearty gulp from her venti Starbucks cup, the stench of whiskey soaking heavy into the air as she did. “That’s not how any of it fuckin’ happened!”  “Was the line wrong?” Flynn asked, lowering his prop knife. “Did I misquote, or —”  “No, that’s what he said. Word for word.”  “Then did we do something wrong?” Olivia pressed, taking off her wig. “Get something out of order or —” “No,” Jestiny answered. “That’s exactly how things went down when he chased me through the woods and chopped my hair off the day after the arrest.” “Then what’s wrong?” “The whole fucking tone of it, that’s what’s wrong,” she spat, beginning to frantically pace. “It lacks authenticity. It lacks intimacy. It —” She ran a hand through her hair. “Did you even read my memoir?”

tags out to my beloveds @quickhacked @jackiesarch @v0idbuggy @orionlancasterr @stacispratt @8bitpizzacoupons @strangefable @shallow-gravy @roofgeese @florbelles @josephslittledeputy @afarcryfrommymain @poetikat @just-another-wasteland-merc @voidika @captastra @confidentandgood @belorage @deputyash @blissfulalchemist @shellibisshe @thedeadthree @nightbloodbix @ladyofedens-blog @miyabilicious @simplegenius042 @henbased @clicheantagonist @firstaidspray @strafethesesinners + opt in for wip day tags here!

[quiet-admirer]

I got an ID photo taken today and it was an entire experience that I needed to write out. I think it wants to be a zine or part of a zine or a loose comic or something, but I don't have zine energy right now and I don't know when I will, so I'm just posting it like this:

Badge

Today I had my photo taken for a new ID badge at work.

I didn’t necessarily need a new photo: I’m transferring to a new position internally, and could have used the one my employer has on file, but the old one was from 2017 and it felt like it was time.

The 2017 photo is a very specific snapshot of time in my life. I had been maintaining a steady weight after eating disorder recovery for about a year, and I’d never been that big before. My eyes are half closed in the photo and my hair is at an awkward length of beginning to grow out the buzz cut I gave myself in 2015 to erase everything and start again during a turbulent mental health time. That work photo was taken shortly before I started Adderall and lost about 20 pounds, and years before I started HRT and gained about 60 pounds. I have a small kind-of double chin in the photo, but it’s the kind that goes and comes with posture or a smile.

I have a double chin now. Maybe if there’s a trick of the light in a photograph it might go unnoticed – a privilege, I know – but it’s always at least a little present now.

This morning, I make a mental note to remind myself to maybe try stretching my neck a little or raising my chin when I'm in front of the camera. I want to protect myself from the possibility that the long-buried disordered thoughts will use this photo as a chance to get their hooks in again if I’m surprised by how fat my face looks in the photo.

A line from a Touché Amoré song, “Reminders,” loops into my head.

“I tilt my chin up in photographs, a subtle way to reinvent the past.”

It isn’t until I’m getting dressed to leave the house that the words reach me.

I think about a comment on an Instagram video of a dozen or so high schoolers having fun sitting around a table together that was captioned as having been taken in 2003. It was some little outburst about how they all looked so slim and happy, unlike today’s teens who are fat and depressed and chronically online.

I think about the photos I have of my mom when I was a kid, where she’d stand in the back, pull us in front of her. I think about the photos I don’t have of my mom when I was a kid.

I think about all the gaps in fat existence – fat joy – in our collective historical records, and about the social media accounts who have to go out of their way to bring images of fatness to the surface.

I’m determined by the time I get in front of the camera.

I smile and I keep my head in its neutral, comfortable position.

There’s anticipation instead of apprehension when I go around to the other side of the computer to see my face.

It’s so severely washed out by the harsh white lights that I can’t quite make out my double chin. Or my acne, which I decided not to cover up with makeup today either.

(When I was in college, I had my photo taken for the yearbook. There was a check box on the form to opt into having photo correction of “blemishes.” I didn’t check it off, even though it was an anxious decision. My acne was what it was, or I was trying to teach myself that it was what it was. I cried when I got the photos back. They’d edited out my acne anyway.)

It occurs to me that the lighting’s probably on purpose.

But the photo still looks like me.

The lighting can’t hide my round face, the way my jaw and my neck blend together in a gentle slope instead of a cut edge.

Even if I had tried to disguise my double chin, I wouldn't have been able to hide my size. I decide that I like that about my face – the only part of my body I still get self-conscious about sometimes.

The song "Reminders" by Touché Amoré is an expression of frustration that the Systems That Be fail to provide us with the care and protection and support we need. A music video for the song was released in 2020, made from stitching together clips of family and friends of the band with their pets during the isolation of COVID-19 restrictions.

Maybe it was silly to think of my employer as an avenue for defiant fat self-expression and maybe my work-issued ID with my inerasably fat face on it is a drop in an important bucket. But I'm turning around and putting these words down and showing them to a community of other fat people. And I'm looking at my own face in the mirror with the knowledge that I'm slowly inventing a future for myself where there isn't any trick of the light or tilt of my chin that can omit my fatness.

[huntinglove]

☔ for you and Simon?

Hi hi!! Thank you so much for the ask!!

☔ — F/O and S/I got caught in the rain... Write about how they handle it! Did either of them bring an umbrella?

As conversation came and went, time passed by, merciless as always. But that would only be an issue once Simon and Ocean Princess left the bar, being met with a raging storm.

"Ah damn... I should've brought an umbrella! I'm so sorry darling.. You don't have to walk me home today."

The Princess raised an eyebrow, a small smile growing on her lips. With a quick giggle, the royal placed her hand on the man's chest, snarkily rebutting his statement.

"No way! It's my turn to sleep at your place, you're not gonna get to ditch me that easily, you know."

Simon's face grew red at the sight of his lover being so close to him. His eyes quickly shifted away as an awkward smile wobbled it's way to his face, having him adjust the position of his tie.

"I'm not ditching you, I promise! I just didn't want you to... Get soaked..."

A moment passes until the man realizes the words that have just left his mouth, watching as Ocean Princess covered her lips, trying to muffle her laughter.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh away..."

A quick snort escapes him as his cheeks flush further. A slightly worried look forming on his face moments after.

"But really, how will we go home? Catching a cold wasn't exactly on my to-do list today..."

Ocean Princess walked into the rain, closing her eyes and opening her arms as the droplets merged with her very body, making her figure grow taller and wider fairly quickly.

Simon watched in awe as his lover used her hand to create an awning for him to step under, protecting him from the rain.

Amazement filled his eyes as he looked around, watching bubbles twirl around the water surrounding him, as the rain continued, creating small waves around Ocean Princess' skin.

Simon could only form few words, still shocked at the sight, unable to move for a moment.

"This is... Incredible."

The awning grew larger as Ocean Princess' usual form slipped from it. The structure now came from the tips of her hair.

The princess' body manifesting itself beside the man, who jumped in surprised once acknowledging his lover's presence.

The royal wasn't fazed, simply smiling as she took Simon's hand and slowly began walking.

"There! Now you won't get any water on you, honey. Let's get home so we can relax."

"Y...Yes of course!"

Simon shook his head for a moment, walking beside Ocean Princess, curiously glancing at the body of water right above his head, standing as rigid as a dome, as it absorbed the rain around them.

"You always find a new way to impress me, you know that?"

A smile formed on the man's face, noticing how his lover's face flushed at the compliment.

Soon after, they had already made their way to Simon's home. Ocean Princess stayed still, patiently waiting for Simon to walk inside.

Once he did, the water awning slowly came undone, manifesting itself as the royal's hair, at least five times as long as usual. With a gentle pull, Ocean Princess "cut" her hair into it's usual length, smiling back at the man as she made her way inside.

Simon embraced her and placed a kiss to her lips, smiling sheepishly afterwards.

"You're amazing.."

[twelvemonkeyswere]

today on final pride day I'm reminded that time my classmate at uni got a pixie cut after having it shoulder-length her whole life. she was very happy with how it looked and how daring she'd been by cutting it so short.

I, a short hair enthusiast, had been growing my hair and it was shoulder-length at the time. I told her how cool her hair looked, trying to be supportive. then tried to connect with her by telling her my hair was currently the longest it had ever been, that I've always worn it super short, and got confused for a boy frequently.

but her response is what makes me smirk even all these years after. she looked at me with disbelief. I'm short, stout, soft. I'm smiley and kind. and she said, incredulous, "Really???"

she'd only ever seen me with long hair, she knew I was shy and awkward. she assumed, somehow, that it all made sense in her head, and that I'd always been a pudding of a woman with only softness, no edge (as if short hair was *only* defiance, and could not be affirmation). I'm very confident about my hair and gender expression, luckily, so I took no offense. but it was funny to me how something that was daily life for me, something that simply came naturally to me, was something she thought she was able to accomplish only because she was cool, because she was taking a daring risk and making a statement with her pixie cut. she couldn't picture me doing the same thing, because I'm not cool or stylish or daring.

I invented myself in a small backwards rural town, surrounded by dogs and sugar cane. I was always disheveled and polite, wore the ugliest cargo shorts known to man and never missed church. everyone always thought I'd never get a husband and I still don't have one, but I don't have a wife either, like they all assumed. people of all kinds told my mother I was too naive and would get pregnant the moment I stepped outside my home for college, but I only ever came back with new projects or kittens. my own grandmother thought I'd fail somehow even if she never said it to me, because how could someone like me, weird and goofy and clad in oversized sweaters, succeed.

my classmate, like them, could not envision anything else for me, because it didn't fit who she thought I was based on how I looked. and to me it was funny because from an early age I was inventing genders that nobody around me even had words for. words I never needed, and still don't really need, because I was never any other word but "me."

I've been on this earth for 30 years, and I haven't always been true to myself. But I'm trying to go back to that center, trying to be myself as fiercely and as honestly as I can. Because I was able to succeed in many ways, just as I was. And there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to do it again.

[fracturedporcelaindoll]

Dear diary,

I've been considering getting hair cut short. One of those bob styles cause hate how the heat makes my medium length hair feel so icky~

Read a few articles on styles and on hair. Did you know you're hair grows the fastest between ages 15 to 20 or 25 depending on article? Apparently guys after 30, may experience thinning and hair loss because hair doesn't grow as quickly after 30 and for girls it's like after 40 to 50 that hair doesn't grow as quickly according to various beauty articles.~

So I don't know, mean could cut hair short but what if it took forever and a week to grow back out? I don't even think short hair would look good on me, less variety for styling but at the same time I just dont think am pretty atm either~

I think def want to try blunt or curtain bangs tho, they look cute and are kinda childish and tbh I want the adorable factor tho maybe I am just not that cute?~

Also like never ever foam hot cocoa pple, I ordered a small hot cocoa and the barista made it like it was a latte and the taste, sooo awful but didn't want to waste the purchase. I mean if I were a more less caring or wasn't worried about being confrontational in public I would have said something~

Pillows, I need a good pillow, am sure if I had one it might help improve sleep but I've yet to find a good one. Itd have to be fluffy like a cloud and cool like a winter breeze. I saw the most adorable pillow ever but problem is it's 270 with tax. Like if it were 80, I'd consider it sure expense but might be worth it if it's as good quality as claimed by advertising.~

Unfortunately I am just not sure, I mean I'd have to save for like at least a few months to get it and do I really need it? Its childish cause shaped like a dashound in a hot dog costume... but like where would I find such an adorable pillow again, it's unique~

I need to decide Halloween costume too, I mean if do go ahead and get gothic outfit from poll could pair it with some bat wings or angel ones and have costume. But that's like putting a bulleyes on yourself, dressing like an angelic being or succubus/bat demon girl would make people stare~

Plus the demon/succubus aspect is kinda ironically hilarious cause I can't even flirt with guys or girls for that matter, little miss shy and awkward~

I was brave and contacted customer service over missing package and about refund. I was ping ponged back and forth between company and shipping provider until finally got confirmation they'd issue refund as package was lost and couldn't determine where it got lost at etc~

I didn't actually talk, it was online communication through service line but still~

I took some pictures of sky because the clouds were particularly picturesque and fluffy~ I felt so self conscious though like do I just look weird or something? Haven't you ever seen someone look up at sky with camera before?~

I am tempted to just avoid public all together until October but realistically I'll get lured out in July for cotton candy vendors, fresh squeezed fair lemonade and prize contests to try to win cute plushies <4th of july>. Do I think fireworks are beautiful? Yes but am one of those people that would want to wear noise cancelling headphones and look like a dork cause of it~ the loud noise though just unsettles me, it's like really loud thunder or lighting makes me jump scare myself sometimes~

I found a Harry Potter themed bar crawl event and golf event that I kinda want to go too. Not so much the bar as mini golf the thing is I know it'll be crowded and am not the best at mini golf soooooo do I really want to torture myself mentally by weaving through crowds, long lines and ultimately failing to win prizes by missing the getting the golf ball into the hole?~

Plus I'd want to wear a harry potter themed costume and have nothing to wear for that~

Including pictures of clouds because I can~

[transenbyconfessions]

uh hi im transmasc and today i finally went for it and tried to chop off all my long waist length hair to look more ‘masculine’ i guess. it did not go well.

my mom was absolutely pissed when she caught me- i was gonna cut it even shorter to fix it but my mom started yelling at me for ‘trying to be a boy.’ now it’s stuck looking really awkward- the bangs are really short and choppy since i was gonna make the whole thing short but instead the whole rest of it is still shoulder length, so it’s just really odd looking. my hair is also super flat, thick, and straight. i look like a broom. i hate it.

my mom is still not helping, i asked if she could shave it all off because it looked so weird but she just got more mad at me, kept telling me to stop trying to be a boy. idk what to do, i cant go to school looking like this- i can fix it by just giving it a few months to grow out or cut the whole thing short now <- which i cant risk. it’s at the awkward length where it’s too short to tie up but looks weird when it’s down.

this is a bit stupid but im already so insecure and now my hair looks horrible as well. ill probably keep my hoodie up for a while but the weather is getting warmer and idk if i can grow my hair out so quickly. yeah im regretting a lot lmao

Submitted February 13, 2023

[chxna-cheeseycake]

So like at 12 years old I used to be a major and I mean MAJOR Zane fangirl. Zane Ro'Meave was my everything as a kid frfr like I would deadass defend his every action when I was 12. Like even in his MCD form you best bet that 12 year old me was using their every waking breath to stand up for Zane. I would see someone make a valid point about Zane being a dickhole for killing Jeffory and I guarantee you my 12 year old self would still try to find a way to defend Zane. That's just how much I was fucking in love with him bro. This man's straight up shaped my whole personality as a kid because his existence is why my main persona/online alias is Zana. Deadass before I gave her a heavy revamp, my persona was straight up just a female version of Zane 💀 And I always find it kind of funny because I created her long before we got canon genderbents so like... Jess you copying me gurl??/j Anyways, I was such a Zane fangirl that I even cut my bangs at 12 to try to look similar to him. I had wannabe emo bangs in 6th grade because of this fucker. He ruined my life I tell you. I never technically got rid of them either, I just let them grow to be the same length as the rest of my hair. No one in the present day will ever know about it but I will always remember. It's a memory of my middle school days that will never leave me.

And then there's the dramatic irony that after rewatching MCD and Mystreet now, Zane is no longer my number one fave anymore. It's fucking Dante now. Of course I will always love Zane, that bastard clearly holds a special place in my heart. But ultimately, Dante did in fact steal Zane's place as my number one favorite Aphverse character. He pushed Zane off the goddamn podium and snatched up the first place medal for himself. And I have no problem with that. But I just know my 12 year old self would be in pure shock if they saw that I ditched Zane for Dante lmao. Yet at the same time, I can't help but look at this in a poetic sense.

As a child I know I had such an attachment to Zane because I related a lot to him with being that person that was kinda seen as weird because I was quiet and wasn't a social person. I also had a few friends like Zane but just like him, I met some of them through a single friend that interacted with me first cuz I was far too socially awkward to speak to literally anyone. But now that I'm older, I don't really relate to Zane anymore. I'm not a full on social butterfly but back when I was 12, I couldn't even talk to people my own age that weren't friends because of my shyness and socially awkward personality. But now I'm not like that anymore. I would still say I'm a quiet person ofc but nowadays I don't freeze up and immediately get awkward when people I don't really know try talking to me. Sometimes it can still happen but I just don't really do that anymore. I don't think I actively made this choice though it just sorta happened. Growing up will just do that to you I guess lmao. And that's probably why I don't relate to Zane as much anymore and have now gravitated towards Dante. I grew up and now I find myself being more attached and sorta relating to Dante way more now than Zane. Zane's still cool to me but he's just not my fave anymore because I'm not the same person I was when I was 12.

That got way more deep than I was actually expecting lol. But I still stand by my point regardless. Zane was a huge comfort to 12 year old me but not anymore. I still love his character but he just doesn't bring me that same comfort like he did when I was 12 because I don't need that type of comfort anymore. Dante however is my new comfort character probably because I relate to him more now than I did as a kid. I barely paid attention to Dante when I was 12 but look at me now. He's all I ever seem to post about on this blog lmao. Honestly, seeing myself go from having Zane as comfort character in the past to now having Dante as my comfort character kinda brings me a peace of mind because I think it truly represents all the healing I've done over these past years. Even if it is a little silly to think about it in a deep and poetic fashion like this but I don't really care, thinking about this topic just brings me this sort of warmness I don't really know how to explain. I feel like maybe some people will understand what I'm trying to get it. Hopefully. Anyways, hope y'all enjoy my stupid thoughts and rambling because honestly I don't even know what I'm typing anymore skssjkdsdjknon

[capcavan]

If you're still looking for requests.. I love the hair you give Riko, would you be willing to go in depth on what it looks like?

Hihii! happy you like him! I really wanted to give him longer hair because I want him to symbolically get them cut short at some point within au's I work on with @explosivedecay (at this point I lowkey joke that the books we read and books whole fandom reads are not the same lul) also i am very inconsistent when i draw so that's actually good excuse for em to get this straight for myself too

general idea is side shave on the right side of skull and long hair brushed to the left (tied up when working out/playing) original art has him with shoulder length hair without many loose strands because it looked good on art that way (but would look awkward form other side of face so i had to edit it a bit )

i am not fluent at drawing humans so he does not really look on model all the time [i still am trying to find most comfortable way to draw his hair in my art style] but those pictures cover it up the bes - wavy hair, medium length or a bit longer [longer hair is so fun to draw even if shoulder length would fit him more in my opinion and fun headcannon: i head cannon that riko has scars on his scalp which would be visible if he cut his hair short, but i will hopefully have more to tell about that later appreciate all questions! i will dew draw him more soonish hopefully this works for now <3