#reliving the past

[kboo1999]

the way that i am so over this athena reliving her past storyline

[amalthea-felsblood]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧Our Moments✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

◦Marian◦ "Tell me, Estinien. Do you regret any of our adventures thus far?"

◃Estinien▹"Nay Marian, though our adventures have been far from ordinary, my heart holds no regrets."

Goodbye Endwalker

Onward to Tural

[financia012]

The Year I’d Relive: A Journey Back to Simpler Times

Hi everyone! 🌟 Have you ever thought about going back to a specific year in your life? For me, 2023 holds a special place in my heart—the year I turned 21. It was a time of incredible growth, unforgettable memories, and valuable life lessons that shaped who I am today. I’ve just shared a blog reflecting on why I’d choose to relive this year and what it meant for me. I’d love for you to read it and maybe even share which year you’d go back to! Let’s take a walk down memory lane together.

Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live? Introduction Have you ever thought about going back to a particular time in your life? That one year that holds cherished memories, defining moments, or perhaps an opportunity you’d approach differently? For me, there’s a special age I would relive if given the chance. It was a year that shaped who I am today and left an indelible mark on…

[asmrrpaddict]

Putting this into the void where no one I know personally can find it.

So long venting post ahead that I don’t have anywhere else to put. Please ignore unless you just want to read about a little mental break through/down.

I just finished this video (which you should listen to btw, it’s so good, Your Rival Opens up to You from Your Stupid Boy Audios, really cool guy, give him a listen) about the speaker’s mom going through what I’m assuming to be Alzheimer’s/dementia.

My grandma went through the same thing in 2015/2016. Before that my mom and I had been taking care of her since 2006 when I was 12. Everything had been about making sure she was ok. Dr. Appts with 3-5 different doctors, home nurses, making her meals, meals being delivered to us for some reason that I still have no clue how they started, getting her to take her meds, the multi-year battle that ended in defeat to get her to stop smoking, my mom being investigated by aps and cps because we made a distant cousin stop buying my grandmother cigarettes and she got mad and made grossly false claims. Then there were gallbladder surgeries (mine and my grandma’s), a quadruple bypass heart surgery, putting in a pacemaker to regulate her heart, putting stints in both legs at different points, having her blood sugar drop to 29 and had to be airlifted to a hospital 2 hours away while we drove, watching and listening to her coughing up blood a couple days before the heart surgery was supposed to happen and going 20 minutes to the local hospital, sitting there forever, then driving 2 hours to the other hospital at like 2 am, then telling us they are doing the surgery the next morning. Thus sitting in an unfamiliar and crowded hospital for hours. Sitting though arguments about how if she kept smoking she was going to die, one time being told by a doctor being to that if we hadn’t gotten her to the ER when we did, she wouldn’t have made it though the night, having her losing all but a very small amount of blood coursing through her because she had an internal gi bleed, mini strokes, a broken hip that landed her with a walker for the rest of her life, unknown number of trips to the hospital for dehydration because she would forget to drink water, even more seemingly endless fights about her smoking, her telling me (at 14-16 years old) not to tell my mom that she was smoking even though I knew it could kill her, and having her trying to light one while sitting with her oxygen tank (which could cause it to explode, for those who are unfamiliar).

All of this while I’m going through middle school, high school, and half of college. My mom working a full time job, taking care of her, me, our house, spending one summer coaching my softball team, getting her bachelors degree, and her master’s degree, making sure that I was always taken care of and loved, which I knew and I felt. My aunts and uncles doing minimal work living 2 and 6 hours away. I went through and became certified to take care of her as a provider so I could have a job and go to college.

Then the last month and a half of her life was probably the hardest. She got an infection in her foot. The hospital inserted a picc line where my mom and I had to give her bags of fluids through it at home, but nothing helped, so she was going to have to have part of her foot removed, but before that dementia hit hard and fast, there was watching her struggle to keep memories, having home hospice give us pamphlets explaining the warning signs of a person in the last stages of their life including the day she could pass, thinking my mom was her mom, not remembering me, having her be in a nursing home for a week or two and taking her out because it was an awful facility and we couldn’t stand having her there, watching her sleep for 2 days without getting up no matter what we did. My mom and I could never leave the house together. Someone always had to be with her because if she tried to get up, she would fall, except one night we found a service that sent a nurse to watch her for a couple of hours and my mom and I went to Applebees.

There was one day. January 13th 2016, where she was up, lucid, and alert. She got out of bed (with help) and sat at our kitchen table and ate lunch. That was a good day.

I tried so hard to make sure I didn’t have to be a priority for my mom to stress over. Sometimes I couldn’t help it, didn’t do well in a couple classes, needed money for things like prom or hanging out with friends, but I tried. This basically giving me the family label of “the one who’s always ok.” And I’m… well, ok with that. But the ending of the video I mention 2 miles up at the beginning of this post made me realize something. Something I didn’t realize I needed then until now.

I needed an outside party to just hold me and let me know they were there. I was never the type to need those things back then. I never asked my mom because she was losing, then lost her mom, her last living parent. My cousins all lived 2 to 6 hours away, my dad lived hours away, he gave his condolences, but he had just lost his mom the month before.

When my grandma passed in 2016, I felt blank, still do most of the time. I was sad of course, but I think I had just been suppressing everything in me, even now, that I felt nothing when it comes to many things. I didn’t know how to feel. I cried, I had a dream that it was false and she was still alive, but everything was and is so tight down in my stomach, I don’t even know what I feel.

Having not been in a relationship nor having any close enough friends to ask for platonic cuddles, then even until now when I’m 30 and still single with no friends, I don’t know what to do but make this long ass post. I was sitting in my office with silent tears realizing I needed affection from someone who wasn’t as close to the situation as another family member. I needed someone whose only priority was me. I know that sounds selfish, but still.

Aaaaaannnnnddddd I think I just found out why I love asmr rp videos. 😬😅

Alright, I’m gonna go find a therapist. (Not really)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

oh hey! i was reading a fic the other day where Wangji was once misspelled as Wangu. which leads me to: MDZS Pingu-style??? noot noot!

Do you think love can bloom on the sea ice?

[sonknuxadow]

sonics side of sonic x shadow generations vs shadows side of sonic x shadow generations

[myoonmii]

I can’t believe Arthur had his entire perception of Merlin shattered before him and still managed to fall in love with him all over again in a day

[royalarchivist]

Pac: Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok? See you on the other side, big boy.

Fit: [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. [Fit tries to lasso Pac] You're coming with me.

Pac: No, I need to leave!

Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!

Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?

Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?

Ironmouse: You guys, we don't have time to be gay right now.

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

-

Pac: I'm just here to say goodbye to you, Fit.

Fit: Goodbye? We're not– we're gonna be fine, we're going to get out of here, don't worry.

Aypierre: Yeah, don't worry!

Pac: I know, but like– I will sleep until the end, you know? I will pass through this moment sleeping, man. I won't be able to be awake for the moment.

Fit: [Laughs] You know, it's– I mean, if that's how you wanna go, but– I mean, that- I mean, isn't that bed kind of like.... I don't know, it's–

Pac: No no, I will be staying on the sofa, you know, I will be staying on the sofa.

Fit: Oh the sofa. Ok, that's a nice sofa! Yeah, that is a pretty nice sofa.

Pac: Yeah, it's a nice sofa right? No, yeah– I'm going to stay on the sofa, you know? So, since I will be going Fit... [Pac starts tossing Fit all his items]

Aypierre: [Not paying attention to their conversation] Is that bigger cell? I don't think it's a bigger- biggest one.

Fit: Oh... Thank you Pac, thank you.

Pac: Everything you need to survive, ok?

Fit: Wow.

Aypierre: Wow.

Pac: And if you need this one also, maybe, who knows? [Throws him more items]

Fit: Ohhh, well hey– just take this to remember me by, ok? [Tosses him a photo of himself – the same one Aypierre was carrying all day yesterday]

Pac: [Laughs] Ok, I will sleep holding the picture you know, like this. You know, I will dream about you, Fit. And I hope this is gonna be good dreams. I see you in the other side. Good luck, my friend.

Fit: The other side... Yeah, you know, yeah, we– we– you know? It's been an honor, Pac. It's been an honor, you know?

Pac: Yeah, for me too, you know? Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok?

Fit: Ok.

Pac: See you on the other side, big boy.

Fit: I will sing your praise– Oh yeah, hey– [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. You're coming with me.

Pac: No, I need to leave!

Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!

Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Fit: Sorry, there's–

Pac: I'm sorry!

Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?

Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?

Ironmouse: You guys, you guys– we don't have time to be gay right now, come on. There's no time.

Pac: No, there's no time! Oh, goodbye Fit...

Fit: Ok, c'mon, no no no, come on, we got this we got this!

Pac: Goodbye Fit, I'm sorry!

Fit: [Laughs] Oh no...

[crispywizardtale]

[post-it-notes7]

WHY IS MIR FALSPAR CRACKING ANYWAY??? WHAT DID HE DO

once upon a time there was a set of rules, and he broke one

[turboemmy]

the one anime thatll always be in my heart

[opbackgrounds]

These Sanji panels drive me insane

[hot-coco]

She's innocent

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 7: Time moves sideways

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[sonknuxadow]

as a shadow 05 enjoyer i can understand where people are coming from when they say its weird theyre doing stuff with shadows backstory again when the whole point of shth's ending is that we're done constantly talking about The Shadow Lore and shadow is gonna try to move on from all that now . but . this isnt the early 2000s where theyre frequently bringing up shadows backstory and not letting him have stories unrelated to that stuff . they went "okay we're done talking about that for now" at the end of shth and really Havent talked about it much since then. so its fine if people disagree with me on this but i dont really mind that theyre bringing it up again for one game after its been so long since they last did a story about shadows past

[disabled-dean]

HOT take but I am rotating a 27-year-old Mary in my mind, who isn't really fit for motherhood and doesn't stick around- but who blows through the bunker every once in a while with a group of rowdy young hunters and shitty gas station souvenirs, cleans her gun at the kitchen table, calls dean "baby", and leaves