#haha then again i am terrible at that kind of stuff but!!! we love silly stuff

[lume-nosity]

happy valentines~ <3

HAPPY (late) VALENTINES DAY MELOOOONNNNN

damn “treat me like white tees, don’t get me dirty~” headass. not that i’m complaining though!! melon got that genshin rizz

“adepti? no, adeptus because you’re the only one i need” *lipbite*

[tsaritsa]

Congratulations on winning Nano!!! Any hot takes or unconventional tips on how to achieve a huuuge milestone like that in so little time?

Also, if you'd like to share, I'd love to hear more about the piece(s) you worked on during this year's event! Big yay if you want to tease us with a sneak peek as well. 🙂

Congratsss again!!!

ty!!!! i am afraid my tips might seem kind of obvious and not that much of a hot take but here's what worked for me:

writing sprints. do 10 min. do 17 min. do 30 min. whatever it is, just get words down on the page. after each sprint was finished i'd look at what i wrote, fix up the most glaring mistakes (espe if the words looked terrible. i've learned to live with a lot of spelling errors bc otherwise u waste too much time. during nano each day i'd prolly manage between 2-3 sprints -- usually enough to net me between 1000-1500 words each day. i wouldn't stop if i hit the daily total, i'd stop when i could feel the motivation waning. my lowest day was under 300 words, my biggest was just over 4000.

get a community. writing sucks alone. i feel very grateful that i've made some friends on here who were also trying to write regularly, so now there's 5 of us in a little discord i've made. we do sprints with each other and share lots of snippets, memes, pretty pictures etc. it keeps us excited about our own projects, but also allows us to cheerlead each other on.

get used to placeholders. i use TK. anytime there's a word i need but it's not on the tip of my tongue? TK my beloved. sometimes i'd write like she sighed in a TK kind of way, or like harry opens his mouth to argue about TK TK some work thing he's doing TK TK. it just keeps u in the pace of writing ur in, but allows for a few words to be spent writing down a piece that needs further expansion.

establish habits and goals. for me, it's stuff like trying to write the bulk of my writing with a nice candle lit, but also the silly stuff like putting on lippy so I feel like. Ready to do shit. have a few drinks avail. one to hydrate (ice cold) one to caffeinate (also ice cold). play music or sounds that will help u get into the zone without overly distracting. now that i've won it i'm gonna treat myself to some silly purchases as well bc i should reward myself for such hard work and dedication. i'm thinking a v comfy hoodie.

overall if i didn't have the community i had this month i think my external motivation would've been lost quickly, so find friends to yell at about ur project. watch yt videos about ppl doing writing! make posts and don't give a flying fuck about being cringe or not suiting ut 'aesthetic'. this is u. do it for U.

in terms of this project: the short version is hermione goes back to hogwarts post book 7 and has to slowly begin to recover from/learn to live with the PTSD she's gained. alas, draco is also back and she's gotta learn to make peace with the fact that he's allowed to want to change and that he's making small steps to become a better person than who he was. they're gonna kiss and be disgusting with each other. ultimately this is a story about hermione's journey, as the whole thing is written from her perspective, so although the dhr aspect is there, there are also other important relationships i want to focus on -- especially her and harry.

i'm ignoring/expanding on a lot of canon, and using some details from the movies i prefer over the books (namely her mudblood scar bc mmmmm parallels). i don't really know if anybody is in character but i don't care! this is my story and i'll do it how i see fit haha.

the following excerpt comes from late sept in the current draft. at this point dhr has been forced together a few times already. draco has surreptitiously managed to drug slughorn with a potion of his (slughorn's) own making during their potions class bc the potions professor was spending an entire lesson just showing off instead of. u know. teaching.

[isawken]

haha heyyyyy jesties

this year has been rough stuff. and the problem is nothing life shattering has happened so i don’t even get to have a spectacular mental breakdown. it’s just been a lot of grind and disappointment and struggle to keep up or have any energy to do anything other than the bare minimum. to everyone who reached out to me with love or kindness or memes and waited weeks or more for a response i love you. and i’m so sorry for my total absence of personhood. i’ve never gotten a dm even if it’s just a silly post and an “i thought of you” that i didn’t like. and your patience with me is appreciated more than you know.

i have some stuff i want to work on. some hobbies i want to pick up again. some friendships i want to recultivate. some pieces of my life i want to try to rekindle. i used to have so much creative energy and impulse. did you know i used to make zines? i fuckin loved making zines. the tactile experience of cutting up thick paper and punching holes and using thread to bind em and filling it with vague thoughts and little collages and splashes of acrylic paint. that shit ruled. about a month ago i tried making one for the first time in years. i cut up some old paper and dusted off the ol' hole punch. this time instead of my usual embroidery thread i used necklace chain to bind it. i was proud of that idea. when it came time to put stuff in it i choked. i had no creative thought. i forced myself to cover the first page with orange and yellow crayola markers. but that was it. i had nothing other than that. just hasty sloppy color thoughtlessly and restlessly thrown down. a dull background promised to a more interesting foreground that never came.

that shit did not rule.

in 1883 in pecos texas the first recorded rodeo takes place. in 2001 rob smets attends the PBR world finals in jeans and a sports jersey bearing sponsor logos. in 1780 joseph grimaldi makes his stage debut at 2 years old at london’s famed drury lane. in the many, many years before any white person ever laid eyes on it, a man in what you’d now call northern arizona paints his body in black and white stripes and puts corn husks in his hair. in 1557 ivan the terrible acts as pallbearer to a man who walked naked in the streets of moscow, even in the dead of winter. 1568 the gelosi acting company coalesces in italy to perform the hot new style of live improv entertainment. in 2017 the ringling bro’s circus performs its last show, 146 years after the titular brothers first formed it. all of these moments (and more!) live in my head rolling around like marbles and one day i’ll tell you all why.

i’ve been on mood stabilizers for so long it’s hard for me to tell if this has just been a really long depressive swing or if this is just how i am now. if this is just what getting older is like. i don’t really think it is. i am like 90% sure this will not last. but the two questions that follow are always 1. how do i get out of it, and 2. what if it is tho xD?

i recently went down to southeastern ohio to visit my family. went up the mountain at 1 am saturday night to help my gramma grab the 8 year old boy she’s been helping to take care of from his strung out mother. the next day i saw my various other relations, aunts and cousins however many times removed. i hung out with my second cousin. same age as me, with two twin girls, 4 years old. she’s a great mom. and enjoys it, too. got a decent husband with a good job. obviously i don’t know her struggles. not like we talk often. but she seemed overall pleased when she spoke about her life. i told her about my work from home job and my loving partner of 8 years and my plans for the future. she told me i was living the dream. and like. i kind of am. so why do i wake up every morning in various states of hangover (it's the mental illness)

i live in one of the cloudiest cities in these united states. my house is about 500 square feet. it’s dark at 5pm now. i already miss the sun. i want to get sunburned again. i want to be sweaty. i want to put talcum powder in my skort. i want to get through this winter without having to rub snow on my face to stave off more serious impulses. i want to check the 5 items off my to do list.

all of my want is like a song stuck in my head.

i miss that stickbug meme

i should dress up like a clown again

maybe tomorrow i’ll just lay under my weighted blanket for 5 hours

or maybe i’ll actually do something i like to do and feel good and real and human about it. who knows. only time will tell. and in the meantime. thanks if you read this <3

[psycheterminal]

Calliope and Roxy, possible post-canon discussion

Non-explicit discussion of intimacy and intercourse below and brief mention of alcohol addiction. Cut for length.

I haven't read any of their dialogues for quite some time, so apologies if their characterizations are a bit off!

CALLIOPE: does it ever bother yoU that well. we'll never be intimate? ROXY: what do u even mean haha ROXY: we like ROXY: cuddle every single day!! it is COMPLETELY wonderful. CALLIOPE: bUt that isn't hUman intimacy. we'll never... yoU know... do the deed? ROXY: oh, that. you mean. sex? CALLIOPE: yes, i mean that! well. we do roleplay it... ROXY: hmmmmm. so, let me make sure i understand what youre worried about: ROXY: youre worried that roleplay and cuddling ROXY: which is the most awesome thing ever ROXY: isn't enough for me? CALLIOPE: oh, i sUppose it soUnds silly now. nevermind, i'm jUst being stUpid.... U_U ROXY: u are wonderful and not even a little bit dumb at ALL ROXY: you remember how i mentioned that i grew up in another 'timezone' from jake and jane right CALLIOPE: oh yes, yoU did! yoU were raised separately from the rest of yoUr kind! ROXY: yep yep ROXY: the only other person in the WORLD was dirk and he was busy with jake stuff. ROXY: that and lots of troll robots who would have been a huge problem if they found me CALLIOPE: yoU mentioned that yoU are rather glad to not be in that sitUation anymore, many times! i am, too! ROXY: u are and always have been so so sweet ROXY: so i know that you consider yourself a girl but that gender for ur species is uh ROXY: negotiable and stuff on gender. CALLIOPE: close enoUgh! ^U^ ROXY: i find ever1 cute ROXY: *every1 ROXY: every time i see u again after being apart u take my breath away ROXY: with how much u amaze me just by being you ROXY: ur shy, ur not what my people call feminine but like ROXY: i only care about that to the extent that those things make u YOU ROXY: now prepare for this mind blowing revelation ROXY: i love cuddles. no surprise right? ROXY: but the idea of like. ROXY: being intimate with another human being makes me go like ROXY: mehhhhhhhhhhhhhh ROXY: maybe that doesn't make sense but like ROXY: i totally don't think about it 90% of the time CALLIOPE: bUt the other 10%? what about that? how does it coloUr your experiences? ROXY: i had to rely on old records of humans to understand how it worked ROXY: bcuz I'd never experienced those things and never met my mom ROXY: she died so long before we could even meet ROXY: so I couldn't ask her abt shit i was curious about ROXY: it's part of why i am such a badass hacker lol ROXY: but one thing from before the end was something called bambi lesbians ROXY: i don't think i need a label because they are LE DUMB ROXY: but they weren't interested in sex ROXY: my intimacy is my feelings! and the awesome cuddles ROXY: i think about it sometimes but like ROXY: its more that i am not opposed if i had the opportunity with a friend or partner so long as all involved were ok with it! ROXY: i am not repulsed just disinterested ROXY: you are enough calliope! CALLIOPE: i am enoUgh....? ROXY: yeah!!! we're two rad people enjoying our lives ROXY: that's all i really need ROXY: you talk to me and you treat me right ROXY: you came to me when you were feeling insecure and that is so amazing ROXY: my addiction was something i felt terrible abt sometimes and ROXY: it was HARD ROXY: not to get down on myself about it!!! ROXY: so i can understand feeling like shit about urself ROXY: so i am telling u ROXY: u are enough and i am enough ROXY: so long as we keep working at our relationship! CALLIOPE: thank you, roxy. i always appreciate yoU and what we have. i am so glad we finally got to meet. ROXY: so am i!!! let's get some more cuddling in bcuz you are the best cuddle partner a bambi bisexual lesbean can have!

[friberchi]

Honorable guests, I have finished Pathfinder WotR!

What a ride.

• This is not a game review. Just my thoughts while I cry about my character choices and companions!! I'm BAD at games. Also, I despise hard difficulties on them (or even normal difficulty if it makes me suffer), I play them mostly for fun, roleplay/story, exploration, adventures and inspiration for art. If I have to give it too much serious thought, then I'm no longer having fun. No challenges for me, I don't have life span for it. Thanks. Now I shall proceed.

 MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. HUGE SPOILERS. WEE WOO!

(Also if you want a game review, people that know what to do recommend this game for gameplay and all. So go for it!) 

PSA: Take into consideration my favorite alignments are chaotic good and chaotic neutral. 

First playthroughs for me are always a meme and there a few things I would've done differently of course, but it was such a FUN experience and now I'll start planning my second playthrough! After a short break from it... I was emotionally dedicated to this game throughout the last month (imagine liking things a normal amount?! Not me), I can't take another run now. Wow. 

I shall consider this first attempt my "test playthrough" haha. I want to ascend for my second playthrough for canon and try Azata path!

I'll still play Daphne - my queen, my girl, my goth. I'll try another race when I start Pathfinder WotR again (something that can be properly healed, perhaps haha hahaha haha //cries). A dhampir was sooo much fun to play though (I'm in love with their whole concept), but I am a noob and I suffered. Imagine my surprise when NONE in my party had Harm skill and I was always out of Inflict Wounds potions. Dude... 

Daphne was my first "vampire" OC, but maybe I’ll have to make an alternative version of her... Consider this a parallel reality-

Alingment-wise, I didn’t want to be “lawful good”, but not evil either - I’m too soft for it, I can’t take it. However, some evil options in this game are terribly tempting... am I turning into a baddie? (Evil players, I love you, muah.) 

I loved the Trickster path MOST OF times (I'll miss you, Socothbenoth... even if you suck //wipes tear. Ok, I was surprised he appeared in the last battle, not gonna lie!) The Path seemed silly at times (especially before the last quest... that speech was... very...dumb imo), but I think my current emotional state when I started the game was in need of the silliness and the disembodiment of my own morals a bit. It helped me a lot creativity-wise and to let me BREATH a little from my characters that are overly sensitive or "too good". I did need a break from them, to try something different and I guess it'll help me to develop my characters in a less "lawful" way from now on. Thanks Owlcat for this chaotic, but super fun way to play a game! Many cool skills and many cool options, I could barely believe some things were for real, but somehow, I wish there was more stuff story-wise haha. (Throwing a dead fish on Deskari was???? Something.)

I really enjoyed the whole story. I really like darker storylines and all, so I love it. Yeah, being the chosen one is always a bit boring, but a necessary thing, I guess. I liked the touch of the revelation of our powers not being "holy", especially where it happened and how suddenly that guardian angel disappeared after saying all those things and we're left to our own luck (any kind of abandonment hit my commander hard and she got a like for him, so imagine.)... Kinda reminded me of Dragon Age: Inquisition when we find out our magic hand wasn't a gift from Andraste and all - as someone who usually roleplay atheists, it's always a nice "I told you so", but in PF not being blessed by a goddess came with... a bitter reality. Especially because Daphne as a dhampir was fighting her own battles. 

Daphne successfully denied any kind of partnership with any bad demon at all (I’m not counting the Trickster council), that I can remember. Except for early-Act-5 that Nocticula thought Daphne picked her, but I could made my point clear later, so perfect. I must also add that Act 4 was such a cool experience because wow everyone sucks. I was so impressed. Those quests changed me fr.

There would be just so much to talk about... I love the maps, the dialogue options are so cool.

I HATED THE CRUSADE MODE SO MUCH. If that it’s not necessary to ascend, I’ll turn the hell of it off. I just tried it because I was afraid of bugs since I saw many signals. Worst piece of the game for me. No-no. 

[EDIT: CRUSADE MODE IS NEEDED FOR ASCENDING. I’LL PROCEED TO CRY.]

• ROMANCE

When I read Daeran was insufferable I thought he was Astarion (BG3) kind of insufferable, but in comparison Daeran is super tamed. He’s more of a Dorian (DA:I) + Zevran (DAO) mix of character for me, kinda. He’s sassy, (charmingly) sarcastic and reckless and makes the BEST side-commentary (you’ll miss not carrying him around, I swear). But Daeran can be soft and vulnerable at times, and these nuances of him is tastefully shown throughout the game and romance path. I just... loved to see him break.

Daeran is probably my favorite RPG romance to date, I was so impressed! It’s amazing how it doesn’t need cutscenes or fancy things, just a good writing that gets me. And those little details like letting the roses in the Citadel and above my desk, the little note he left for my Commander to find and etc. I really enjoyed how romance is presented in this game, thrown into random encounters here and there while you travel around the maps. It was so great.

Many people say he doesn’t have a proper good ending, but I disagree - c’mon people, leaving him a little “more evil” is not that bad, considering Daeran’s level of “evil”. I see many being overdramatic about it, but heh, personal opinion. The other endings (with the exception of ascending and smooching forever) truly does not appeal to me. Not even the Traveling Healer one. I just hate bitter/lonely/longing ends, so yeah... Also, don’t @ me about Liotr. I hate that guy and his Inquisition. And I got the true love ending!!! Muah!

Can’t wait to roleplay this romance again, but now better than the first time, since I can prepare the writing for my character in my mind aaa

• COMPANIONS

The companions of this game are wild, I swear. I’m trying to think of one completely normal one and I can only think of Seelah, maybe Sosiel - this is not a complaint, I love it!! It gives characters so much personality. 

I killed Camellia when she revealed herself as a shaman and whatever the heck she was doing. You see, Camellia was mean to Ember so I wanted to kick her out almost instantly from the beginning, but I endured the feeling, only to found out about... THAT. But overall, she’s just mean? Her sharp tongue is funny at times, but as I was roleplaying my character, there was no such thing as forgiviness here to what she was doing inside the crusade.

And decided to kill Wenduag in Act 3 because she always sounded like a psycho and here’s when I later found out my playthrough was fated to end badly for one important companion. 

So I reached Act 5 and all those last-quests were each one a "goodbye" to my adventure and I felt that deeply. But the worst... Dude, the worst was Lann... It was one of those moments I returned the save because I couldn't believe my eyes and I had to google what the heck I did wrong. Apparently, it was not having Wenduag in party for a questline... Between letting him being unhappy and being killed, I picked being killed. (It was also in character, since my Commander would have trusted him after all...) Lann's death hit me like a wrecking ball. I can't believe how much I mourned that fictional character... SIGHS my party felt so empty without him. I have always kept Daeran, Woljif, Ember, Regill and him as permanent party members - except when I had to help the other companions, so the moment I had to travel around without Lann because he was dead... dude, it still hurts. I felt like starting the game all over again in that very moment. //inaudible scream//

Bonus: When Lann is down nearly-dead, Daeran tries to heal him with a quick action of his hands (I cried okay. HE CARED) and Regill pays his respects. Woljif and Ember do nothing. I dunno about other companions!

[EDIT: According to @/brightoncemore (bless you!!) this has nothing to do with Wenduag, but supporting Lann as chief in Act 3 - which I’ll be honest, I do not remember what I picked now, so I probably didn’t, omg. MORE REASON TO TRY AGAIN.] 

Seelah was that kind of “good aligned” character you get as a right arm and a companion through the thick and thin. She didn’t fit in my trickster party but I did like to imagine she was taking care of my stuff in Drezen. Same could be said of Sosiel (sir your voice is very nice) and Arueshalae. They were too adorable for my tastes - I don’t mean I’d corrupt them! It’s just I kind of roll my eyes in righteous commentaries sometimes. My character herself does them, but it’s in the “right” moments... not all the time. I guess this was the effect of playing Daphne, who was Chaotic Neutral/Good. I think a Neutral Good character would like them more.

Sosiel is tempting... I’d have him in party sometimes... or always... we shall see for my next playthrough... I’d have to ditch Ember but damn, I do get attached to my first team, so i guess not. I couldn’t save Trever, so Sosiel returned home and told Trever was killed by demons.

Arue is just sooo sweet. I wouldn’t have her in party (too much sugar for my tastes), but I think she’s cuddly and baby and I would never corrupt her! I completed her quest in the most good-way possible for me. //my friend is romancing her and omg, really the disney princess from the Abyss.

Speaking of babies, Ember is an exception!! C’mon, the girl on the streets with partially burnt body belongs in my party. I’LL PROTECT HER FROM EVIL. Plus she has such good banter...with everyone. Even Regill! Woljif tries to pick on her, but I always enjoy seeing him fail. She’s not good “good”. She’s “weirdly good” and I loved it about her.

Woljif, now Woljif is my kind of character. Sneaky and slippery and does not get close to anyone with the exception of Daeran (let me tell you, when it’s Daeran that told Woljif to keep his pants up in the brothel and knocked some sense into him it was sooo nice okay. They really seemed to become friends, I dare to use the word). 

A true chaotic neutral character, isn’t he? But I could make him believe in friendship! That’s all, I had my anime-like quest. I also loved how he banded with Daeran and my Commander on his ending! My three favorites can now commit a few mischieves together. Is the world even prepared?

Regill is another type of character who’s my end. A grumpy and stoic and emotionless character gets me as much as the reckless insufferable character. He survive that swarm quest so he got my respect from the beginning. Even though he wanted to throw Woljif and Daeran in prison constantly (the comedic energy here) and I had to ignore some of his comments, I loved having him around. In my Trickster ending, I made his Bleaching go back 100 years. You can thank Daphne, Reggie.

I’m neutral about Nenio yet. Her quest is the WORST (the Nameless Ruins) and I’ll try to avoid it in the next playthrough if possible - unless it’s necessary to ascend SIGHS). She considered me a friend in the end and she’ll remember that fact!

Last for me, I guess, it’s Greybor who I’m also neutral about, but in a more uh... positive manner? I liked his council participation and his quests and he didn’t betrayed me, so points to him. He ended up going back to his family and happy after watching his daughter. Cheers, dude!

Oh, and I released Finnean. 

OTHER CONSEQUENCES:

• Irabeth died. I couldn’t stop it and it broke my heart. I’m so sorry for Anevia :( • The Queen survived... I didn’t know giving her the Lexicon would make her survive... her life didn’t... matter much to Daphne.  • I made an idiot King in my Trickster run... so yeah. Long live that drunk dude I keep forgetting his name. The Church of Cayden Cailean was celebrating and whatever. • Turn the Worldwound in a Crossroad of Worlds which is honestly the most grey thing I ever did... the demons can attack again since I didn’t close it... so... yeah... It’s funny in a way? I was missing an essence (Shyka) because my Commander doesn’t make deals with any kind of demon and entity besides the Mythic thingy, but I didn’t read any consequence? Ok, ok, good.

That’s all for now... I’m typing while still having those ticks in the skin like !!!!! but yeah. 

[do-y0u-have-to-let-it-linger]

EXT. The Roof (Winter) - Sunset

Not Just Attracted to Women!Peter Maximoff x Fem and Not Just Attracted to Men!Reader

Based off of a dream I recently had: Peter and Y/N have a conversation on the roof of Xavier's in mid-December. Peter accidentally lets it slip that he might not be straight, and he is afraid that Y/N will think less of him because of it because this is the 80s. Y/N reveals that she is also not straight, and is saddened by the fact that Peter could think that she could ever hate him- especially for that. She calls him wonderful. Feelings ensue. Also, a touch of Cherik at the end because I give the people what they want.

Warnings: Swearing, Peter cries, internalized homophobia (this is the 80s-ish and Peter uses the word 'queer' in a kind of incorrect and kind of offensive manner, but it was internalized homophobia and not actually intended to be mean to anyone but himself so I forgive him), a touch of angst but mostly fluff, Charles called you two "children" even though you are obviously not, Erik is happy that his son has someone that cares about him the way you do, Peter is insecure but not super blunt about it, Peter has been deprived of being adored his entire life, bad writing, I mention a serial killer twice, historical inaccuracy because the word queer was still a slur so yeah.

A/N: This is literally the first thing I have ever written so please be nice to me, I wrote this instead of an essay. I would love a comment of any kind, even if it's just a heart emoji or something, and constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. Also 'N/N' stands for nick-name.

(Ok, so, full discloser: the format is odd. The bullet points represent dialogue, and the only dialogue is between you two love birds. The first bullet point is Peter, the second is Y/N, the third is Peter, and so on.)

“I dunno, the whole ‘liking people’ thing has always been weird for me.”

“How do you mean?"

“Pppffftt- 'how do you mean,' what are you, Shakespeare or somethin’?”

“Yeah, because that’s the era when ‘how do you mean' would have been a popular term. Ok, what do you mean?”

“Just- when other people were liking people I never really was?”

He was gesturing wildly and avoiding eye contact, as always. He wasn't uncomfortable with eye contact, he just got bored easily in conversations, he needed to keep himself occupied. In this situation that meant staring at the red and green lights covering the rest of the roof, the snowy trees all over the yard, and a holly garland around the gate. Peter wasn't Christian, but man, did he love their Christmas decorations.

“Like… now? In school?”

“Well- yeah… but also when I was younger. And I never liked the right people? Or... liked them in the right way?”

“So you’ve never liked anyone.”

“No, no… I definitely have. It was just… weird! I don't-”

His hands dropped to his side in defeat.

“I don’t think it’s that out of the ordinary. I would tell you if it was. Also, if it was... 'weird', like you said, that wouldn’t mean it was necessarily bad.”

He hadn’t really heard what she said, he was too busy pondering what his next sentence would be. When she wasn't speaking, he was rambling.

"I had some of the normal crap… like in movies when they talk about the fluttery stomach junk. I've had that around a few girls I've been friends with, also that phase with the boy stuff, a-"

“Wait, what phase with the boy stuff?”

“Like- when you’re in middle school or whatever and you're gay for a second.”

His phrasing was a joke, but the statement as a whole was not.

“…‘Gay for a second’?”

“…Yeah?”

“Hmmm..."

"Is that- not-"

"I don't think that is... 'normal'... per-say..."

“Oh… Really?”

His heart sunk.

“…Yeah.”

“Huh.”

“…Mhm.”

“…Shit.”

He suddenly looked almost embarrassed. He shifted his posture, seemingly trying to shrink into himself.

“Do you... wanna chat about it?”

Panic started to slowly rise in him.

“Um- forget I said anything.”

“Why?”

Something in him said to go on the "defense". He did not appear as calm as he was intending to.

“I’m not- gay! or anything. I like girls! I do!”

She put her hand on his arm.

“Hey- look at me for a second. We are not in court, and I never 'accused' you of being gay. That would be a very funny reality TV show, but not what is happening right now. Listen, theoretically if you were gay that wouldn’t be bad! And I wouldn’t be… whatever you.. think that I would be? I mean- however you are afraid I would act in a negative reaction to it? I would try to be here for you, and be as supportive as possible.”

He didn’t believe her.

“Ok, sure.”

“Peter.”

“What? You’re going to tell me that you would honestly be friends with a queer person- be friends with me if I was... not... normal?”

She was taken aback by his tone, the word he had used, and the way he said it, felt like a weight dropping on her shoulders.

“Oh. would you… not?”

It was her turn to seem nervous.

“What?”

“Would you- stop being friends with someone for liking someone that they… I don’t know… shouldn’t... would be the word I guess?”

Why, in this situation, was she nervous? Oh. His fear was replaced with guilt.

“No.”

“Ok.”

“So… are you… do you… why were you scared?”

“... Why were you?”

She expected a joke from him, something along the lines of “touché".

“Are you… gay?”

“No.”

Yeah, he didn’t believe her.

“Uh-huh”

“Really, I’m not. I’ve liked boys, but also... I've had feelings for girls. I’m not… straight. So I just want to let you know that it’s okay if you aren’t too.”

“I never s-“

She smiled at him with a bit of pity, she had been there. The self-loathing, the feeling of walking on minefields with so many people in your life.

“You are…”

She paused.

“I am… what?”

“Give me a second I’m trying to find the perfect word.”

“… Okay?”

“Wonderful.”

That was not exactly the word he was expecting. Like, at all.

“Huh?”

“That’s the word. Wait- let me start over. You gotta look me in my eyes as I say it, because it’s gonna be really poetic.”

“Uh… should I be scared?”

“No. Maybe a little. No.”

“… Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You are… wonderful.��

“Oh... Thanks?“

He looked away again, to be honest, he was a bit uncomfortable. He rarely received compliments, especially ones that seem so... genuine.

“I’m not finished, look back at me, just for a second. You are so wonderful- and I will support you as whatever you are! I want you to know that I can- I can barely even think of something you could do that would make me genuinely hate you- like… maybe if you Dahmer-ed people or like chopped up a-“

He found this was amusing, yet disturbing.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry- I just- the fact that you thought, even for a second, that I could hate you… is just-“

“I’m sorry”

“No! Stop it. Don’t be sorry.”

She stared at him expectantly.

“What do you want me to-“

“Take it back! The sorry!”

“How?”

“Say you aren’t sorry”

“N/N-“

“Peter.”

“Ok. I’m, ya know, not sorry.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be”

“You’re weird.”

“Yuh-huh. Says the most likely, from the little information I've gathered, bisexual in denial who also happens to be the fastest boy on earth who had to slow down exponentially to interact with other people who also, also, happens sitting on a roof in the dead of winter with me.”

“What’s by smexual?”

Something about the way he attempted to repeat her words must have been hilarious, he thought, because here she was, sitting in front of him, in a fit of childish giggles. He would smile if he weren't so confused.

“No- that’s not- what I said- it’s… wait!”

“What?”

“You’re tryna get me off topic!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Am not!”

“Are t- shit.”

“HAHA! Victory is a sweet dessert... wait is that even the saying? Still, I win you lose, nerd.”

“Ok, okay! go on.”

She was attempting to gather herself to give off a less jokey aura. It was half working, the "am not! are too!" argument a few moments ago made it hard for him to take her seriously, but he could tell it was important to her that he did, so he tried his best.

“You have to look at me again. just for a second.”

“I sw-”

“Just do it? Please?”

His attempt to put up a fight was thwarted by her small "please". He was pathetic.

“Okay.”

He looked at her.

“You…”

“Me… or- wait- I…”

“Are w-“

“Wonderful, yeah yeah. just get to the n-”

“No.”

“… No?”

“When you say it it doesn’t encapsulate it. It sounds silly.”

“Ok little miss ‘you art thou wonderful’, how would you have me say it?”

“I am you wonderful?”

“What?”

“You called me ‘little miss you are you wonderful’ what does that-“

“Ok! Would you just- shut up and call me wonderful one more time, please?”

She looked at him and blinked. That sentence surely came off as less ironic than intended.

“You are wonderful.”

She grabbed his face, in a half-joking manner. Her grab smushed his cheeks and she couldn't help but laugh a bit when she did it. Even though it was clearly a bit, he was still flustered.

“W-“

She shook him a bit.

"Shut up 'cause I'm about to say some beautiful and true shit. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are wonderful. You are absolutely, unchangingly, and irrevocably wonderful and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, Maximoff.”

After saying what she would (in 40 years or so) recall as a painfully John Green-ish statement in her blunt and matter-of-fact manner, she let go of her semi-ironic hold on his pink cheeks. Were his cheeks pink because it was absolutely freezing, or because his heart was beating faster than he had ever (and would ever, mind you) run, you ask? No comment.

“Wow.”

“Wow what.”

“You do say it better than I do.”

“Did you like how I stressed different parts of the sentence each time? I thought that was a nice detail.”

“Wow.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Wow.”

Did his voice just... break a little?

“Peter?”

“Uh- yeah?”

Was he a little... sniffle-y? She was now very concerned.

“Are you okay?!”

“Oh- um... yeah!”

No! No he was clearly not! He was sniffling!

“Really? 'Cause, you don't seem it.”

“It’s just- I just- wow.”

“Wow, what!?”

“That was just- uh-"

“Just what? It really wasn't that fancy, you seem much too impressed with me. Oh my God, was it terrible?”

“I mean it was really corny but w-“

“I swear to God if you say 'wow' one more time I may have to add ‘use of the word wow too much’ to the list of things that could make me hate you. Right next to the Dahmer stuff. That was a joke. Your use of the word wow is only mildly perturbing. Sorry."

She was panicking "just a bit".

“I’m sorry, I mean I’m not sorry. Sorry. Shit! sorry! I mean I’m not!”

And he was absolutely... full-on crying at this point.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

He was looking down at his mittens. Not that this is important, but they were very pretty mittens.

“Look at me, you klepto.”

He didn’t.

“You know- I’ve been hearing a lot of that 'look at me' stuff from you today. I mean- the klepto part is new-“

“Peter.”

“What?!”

He peaked up at her.

“Talk to me. Please, you're kinda scaring me, let me help.”

“I’m not sad!”

“You’re crying!”

“Yeah but not from the sads!”

“… The ‘sads’?”

“You know- when you get sad! It just means being sad! I don't- that’s what Wanda calls it, not me!"

He wiped his nose, tears still running down from his puffy eyes to his reddened cheeks.

“What are you crying from?”

“No one’s ever called me wonderful before.”

“I'm sorry! I did a few minutes ago and you didn’t cry!”

“No! You can't 'sorry' me if I can't 'sorry' you! And- yeah but that doesn’t count!”

“Why?”

“Because it only felt big when you said it the certain way!”

“What way!?”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks-“

“I'm sorry about that by the way I was j-“

“No! It’s really ok! Do it whenever! I mean don’t do it whene- shut up!”

“I’m not even talking! You're the one talking!”

“You look at me, you grab my cheeks, and you go: you are wonderful.”

“Yeah???”

“No one ever called me that before!”

"Peter, I- well- they- they should! They should! More often! Then the amount that it happens now! I think. In my opinion."

"Or really looked at me like that!”

“Looked at you like what, Peter?”

“Like I was somethin’!”

“Well, you are… ‘somethin'! Whatever that means! And- I think you deserve to be looked at as such!”

“See?”

“What!?”

“You just-“

A strangled sob escaped from his throat. He didn't know how to explain.

“Pete.”

“Ew. I hate that nickname.”

He crossed his arms over his chest like a toddler, trying to completely ignore the fact that he was an emotional wreck.

“Peter.”

“Yeah?”

She opened her arms and gestured for him to come closer. He was hesitant at first- but gave up all the reasons he shouldn't move to be closer to her in exchange for the promise of comfort she was offering him. He crawled over to her and curled up in her arms. The way she held him made him want to cry more. Who does she think she is- holding him like he was worth holding? With her chin sitting on top of his hair? Letting him do that gross cry sob with the spit and the snot into her only winter coat? Rocking him, and shushing him, and petting his stupid, silver hair? She was warm, too! The audacity of this woman.

When Erik brought Charles into his office to grab a chess set, they saw the two in the window. For a moment Charles considered telling Peter and Y/N to get off of the high platform, seeing as the two were the reasons the "no sitting on the roof" rule was enacted in the first place (neither of them were coordinated whatsoever). Charles quickly dropped this notion when he saw the look on Erik's face, Charles could tell it made him so happy to see Peter be held like that, cared for like that. Erik's expression made Charles want to both tell Erik that he is the most precious thing in the world, and make fun of him (look at Mr. Metal, gone completely soft). Possibly he could do both at the same time. But for now, he is just going to pretend he didn't see the two outside of the window, and have Erik grab them their game, go to the living room, and pretend not to have read Erik's mind when he inevitably asks him how he always manages to pick the white chess piece at "random".

[logically-asexual]

okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

[atopearth]

Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia Part 1 - Aurica & Misha (Phase 1)

PHASE 1

Okay, I am beyond excited. I honestly never thought I'd be able to play my favourite PS2 games ever again after I moved houses, because I can't for the life of me find my old PS2 that could play copied games, all the wires and some of the games, and I can't buy these games anymore either, so I was literally so sad and nearly cried when I first realised this. But then I realised that we could get PS emulators now and play the games!! Honestly so thankful and happy right now because omg it's so beautiful to know I can finally properly finish these games again!! Anyway, I still remember Shurelia and Lyner very well, I loved how cool Shurelia was, whereas I can't remember much about Lyner so he's probably the average protagonist that gets all the girls lmao. I'm not sure if I'll bother playing each Reyvateil "route" but I do know who I picked as a kid so I'm definitely going to pick her again. It's kinda funny, I wonder if this is when my bro and I decided to each choose our favourites and play through them so we could both see the different stories haha. I just remember he liked the shy brown hair Reyvateil and I loved the blue hair childhood friend, I can't remember their names anymore but I still love them hahaha. And if I remember correctly, Shurelia should have a short story/route, but I remember diving into her cosmosphere was weird because she's kinda like the old type of Reyvateil haha, so I was sad about that but it doesn't matter, it's Shurelia, everyone loves her!

On to the story itself! Lyner is pretty childish but he's a typical teenager protagonist so I'll just ignore it lol. On another note, dang, the art and character design and everything still looks good to this day imo. It's sad that Shurelia and Ayatane had to stay behind to fend off viruses that I can't really kill off until Lyner goes and gets the Hymn Crystal Purger, but I guess they can't really allow these viruses to run around into town, so as long as they stay in the Tower where I assume Shurelia has tried to seal them for many years, it should hopefully be fine~ Poor Lyner got his airship broken the moment he left though, but I guess that's how journeys begin haha. Lmao at Aurica (that's the name of the brown hair girl!!) healing Lyner with her Reyvateil magic/song and then running off when he wakes up, she's so cute lol. Kinda sad to see Reyvateil treated so badly by organisations like Tenba, like wow, the abuse is rampant. The village is pretty unreasonable to make Lyner kill their monsters to get his airship back but I guess that's just how desperate they are? Still don't like them. LMAO when Lyner went to learn grathmelding, the grandpa joked around saying Lyner's reward for learning it was his granddaughter hahaha.

Well, I guess it's good to help the village, because now they're willing to take care of the broken airship until Lyner finds someone who can fix it. Anyway, did Jack like Misha or something? I can't remember🤔 Lmao, Jack is so slack to Aurica, like yeah she's gloomy but I can empathise with her😭 Okay, I gotta agree with Jack though, Claire is definitely much hotter than Aurica, just the fact that she runs a bar by herself and tries her best to be strong and independent already makes me like her lol. On the other hand, why is Misha with Tenba, was she being manipulated or controlled or something? Anyway, the moment I saw Misha, I fell in love with her again, like wow, her design is so beautiful and unique, I could never pick someone else over her. I feel so sorry for her that Lyner can't remember her though, because I'm pretty sure she really likes him🥺 I can't remember the story but I guess we'll know when we can dive into her. Lyner is rash, super reckless and honest to a fault, but that honesty is a good thing I guess haha. The fact that he can't take people in Tenba badmouthing Reyvateil like they're tools that can be scrapped when they don't seem to be crafting good magic would make anyone mad, but Lyner refuses to sit by and listen to that, which is pretty admirable of him tbh.

With the way people react to others going into the Dive shop in the middle of the day with a Reyvateil, you'd be thinking they were doing something R rated lol, but they're just getting to know each other so it's kinda weird to have that kind of stigma, I mean I'm pretty sure going at night is weirder?! Anyway, I have to agree with Misha, Firefly Alley is a scary place, just thinking about being near all those propellers and falling down is crazyyy. It's kinda funny, but I remember Spica (Misha's friend that sells good stuff) but I don't remember the chainsaw girl lmao, I feel like she looks familiar but that's all hahah. It's so hilarious but brave of Misha to tell Lyner to dive into her so they can craft magic to break the wall and leave to go to Nemo without Bourd and them on their tail. Considering how bold she is, it's crazy that it's her first time, but since diving is such a personal thing, I honestly doubt Misha would let anyone aside from Lyner dive into her. I gotta agree with Hama (Misha's cosmosphere mind guardian) slapping Lyner for saying he's only in there because Misha told him to dive in, like excuse you Lyner?! You do realise the one that's being invaded and the one that has to feel vulnerable and everything is Misha right?! Have some tact lol! But I guess Lyner is slow, so it was normal of him to not have realised that it was a bigger deal than he thought, especially since Misha seemed so nonchalant about it. Misha's Level 1 Cosmosphere is so nostalgic though, I remember it so well, because I think it was a really nice contrast to see the brave and cool Misha in real life compared to the vulnerable one in the cosmosphere who is scared of revealing her true self to Lyner. It was nice to see him encourage her and to tell her that he wants to know her better, I mean it's sad that he can't remember her but you can't help things you can't remember I guess...

Krusche and Misha arguing all the time is pretty cute lol, I think it was even better when they worked together to open a door and made bets the whole time making them shout each other food if they got things wrong haha. Misha really is such a great girl to be so scared of heights but try her best to save Aurica. As usual though, Lyner is pretty crazy to jump and save Aurica when she was falling, like dang, they're lucky Krusche was nearby to catch them with her airship. Anyway, lmao at Aurica's naming sense and that fireball she made😂 I feel like Lyner is way more encouraging towards Aurica than he was with Misha before though, I guess it helps when it's obvious that she's troubled, whereas Misha being capable made him slow to realise a lot of things? Awww, Aurica cares so much about Lyner. She crafted blue magic in the real world because she wanted to protect him so much🥺 He's honestly really reckless though, he really could have died with the Hymn Crystal Purger, he's lucky Jack saved him. Honestly though, the more I play this, the more I feel like Lyner's type is Aurica and I'm so sadddd😭 I mean, I like Aurica too because she's so cute, but Misha😭😭

Lmao at how much it would cost Krusche to fix Lyner's airship, back to trying to climbing the tower back to Platina instead~ Well, I didn't expect Claire to really sing a song, her voice was beautiful! I'm glad she's out of Tenba and doing what she wants now, I feel sorry for any Reyvateil stuck in Tenba. Honestly, considering how self-sacrificing Misha was before for Aurica, I would have expected Lyner to care a little more of the possibility that Misha might be hurt or dead from one of the Hexagonal plates falling off and landing in Tenba where Bourd and them were having a meeting. I'm starting to think he really doesn't deserve Misha lolll. Anyway, the virus/Reyvateil Mir sounds familiar, was she one the girls in the next game? A Reyvateil utopia sounds about right if she was also once oppressed by people like Tenba. I honestly can't remember much about Ayatane but I do feel like I remember he disliked Lyner for being the one that protected Shurelia when he feels that he's so much more capable which is understandable considering he seems to be obsessed with her too. Well, the President of Tenba looks very...wow haha. Ooh I remember Misha looking super great as her real age, but she's great the way she is. Anyway, considering that Tenba experiments on Reyvateil, I hope Radolf talks about this with the church, but I guess I'm not sure if the church even has the power to destroy them even if they were so inhumane. Well, dang, Demon Aurica looks like a spider devil or something lol. I'm not surprised there's a part of Aurica that hates Claire though, it's understandable because she feels so inadequate compared to her. It's interesting to read the other bits in the cosmosphere that aren't as important, because omg, Aurica actually really liked this Knight guy before and she got rejected so terribly, that's sad.. I love Aurica's images of Radolf and Krusche, they're so silly🤣 Misha as a student body president is cute lol, and Shurelia(?) is there too?? Lol. Anyway, I like the cat on top of a vacuum, it's so cute. Lmao, okay wasting 900DP to find out that Aurica is a cat fanatic is hilarious, the idea of her rolling around with cats when no one is looking is so funny😂

I'm so glad climbing the Tower led to saving Misha, her breaking down and crying was so heartbreaking, she's really suffered😭 On the other hand, lmao at these residents up here cooking chicken, I just stole all their food✌️Lol at the trial though, it's literally just to test your strength! I'm sure Jack and them could do it too. Anyway, I never realised the Tower was called the Tower of Ar Tonelico, and oh wow, it's pretty cool that in between the Lower World and the Upper World is the Frozen Eye that separates the two so they're actually not physically attached. Oh wow, so Misha being the Star Singer meant she was the one singing her Chronicle Key song to keep all the viruses out, but because her song was stolen and she can't sing it anymore, the viruses are now attacking Platina. How sad though? She has to sing for eternity to keep world peace but what about her? Ooh, Jack left the Teru Tribe because they were too fixated on rules even when they were on the brink of destruction huh? I guess it's understandable why he would be annoyed, he's seeing so many people close to him die and he can't even use the technology that could possibly save them because of some covenant with Elemia. On the other hand, nice to know that Krusche wants to go to the Upper World because her ex-boyfriend Luke went there and never came back. Tbh, the Luke part sounds familiar but I don't remember anything else about this story. And I see, Jack is close to Misha because he used to protect her until he left.. She must have been so lonely after that. Anyway, I don't know why it didn't click to me that people are named after musical instruments here, like Flute and Harmonica lol, not sure what Tastiella is lol.

Time to do Misha's cosmosphere before going up! Adult Misha is beautiful~ lmao at the chunk of ice being an ice fairy😂 LOL at Aurica in the Don Leon costume😂😂😂 I'm kinda glad we did Misha's cosmosphere now though, because I would be so confused why her world is like this if I didn't know she has the responsibility to sing for eternity to keep the world peaceful. Especially now that she can wander around to find her song, I'm sure she's even more reluctant to go back to singing all by herself to save people she doesn't even know, and she's been doing this her whole life. I'm dying at the "flower" you can water with the China dress Misha that turns into a freaking tree hahahahah. I'm not sure about an abundance of love being able to grow a little flower into a gigantic tree😂 But I guess it exactly shows how little exposure Misha has of the real world, since even the stuff in her cosmosphere is really a lot of stuff she read in books. Honestly, I got mad at Lyner when he shouted at Misha to like do her job as the song fairy to save this Krusche, Misha was right that he doesn't understand her feelings at all. She's been stuck in one place for so long and has finally been given medicine that could turn her into a human, of course she would hesitate. I don't really blame Lyner though, since he doesn't really know about her life and her past at all. Shinobi Misha is so hot, I love the costume! It's so heartwrenching to hear how understanding Misha is to say she's willing on giving up on this chance (that she doesn't know if she'll ever get again) so that she can save Krusche because she understands that as long as she's alive, there's still a chance for her to find another way to be free, but if Krusche dies, she'll never have a second chance for her life. HAHAHA, I was thinking if those things in Misha's hair were drums, and thanks to Hama's confirmation, yes they are! But just like Hama's bells, they're just decorations, so don't beat those drums she says lmaooo. 

Lolll at Shurelia being Misha's mum telling her to grow up. So, the reason Misha hates growing up is because when she was young, she was still "free" and got to be in Platina playing with Lyner and stuff, but once she grew up, she was forced to sing and sing, so now she hates the idea of being "grown up" and having to live with this responsibility for the rest of her life, since at least if she's a kid, she can rebel and be a bit more selfish... I always find it hilarious how every Shurelia character in the cosmospheres have to ask Lyner out 😂😂 I guess it's because Shurelia is connected to all the Reyvateils? So even if Shurelia herself doesn't realise it, she really does like Lyner enough that it leaks into all her "characters"? It's terrible to think about how strict Lyner's dad was on Misha when she was in Platina if it's still haunting her here. Aww for Aurica's cosmosphere, Don Leon was a gift from Claire to Aurica before she left the village, she told Aurica to treat it as if it was her so that she wouldn't be lonely. It's cute how Don Leon really stayed so important to her that it's even her Mind Guardian now.

I'm glad Misha put Lyner in his place and told him it's too late to say he doesn't want to involve everyone, but I guess it's understandable since they could die or never be able to come back to the Lower World, but even still, Misha is right, they should be the ones to make that decision and not him. Anyway, in terms of the story, I feel like Lyner would choose Aurica to download the Hymn Crystal into to fight the viruses but I'm biased towards Misha so~ The viruses invading Misha's cosmosphere must have been pretty scary tbh like omggg, that's terrifying, especially since she got sealed in a crystal and everything was a wasteland. It was nice that after choosing Misha for this, it seems like Lyner has finally shown concern and worry over Misha lolll. Well, Platina is saved and now there's potential for more interaction between the Upper and Lower Worlds so I guess that will be nice. And that's the end of Phase 1!

Overall, I've been really enjoying my time with Ar Tonelico again. Tbh, now that I'm playing it again, it really does run like a visual novel with RPG elements hahaha. The battle system gets pretty repetitive and boring though, I'm glad it's not hard, but it can get tiring when there's a lot of random battles, I had to escape a few times because I was just so bored of it lmao. Otherwise, I definitely like Aurica much more than when I was a kid lol! She's actually really adorable and kind, lacking confidence at times, but with Lyner, I think she's definitely found a lot more confidence in herself and her abilities, and we should really be thankful to Lyner for that hahah. I love her weird naming sense and how she's so obstinate about silly things. As for Misha, I still really love her too. I like how she's so honest and true to herself, and I think I like her dynamic with Krusche and them more than Aurica is with them, but I really like how vocal Misha is about stuff like telling Lyner what she thinks and stuff like that. Shurelia is as cool as I used to think she was haha. I think I'll go with Aurica's route first though, just because I've never played it😆

[angieschiffahoi]

Ok, alright. I finished Harrow. 

First off, I have to give it to this series: this is the first time in I don’t even know how long I have started - let alone finished - the second book in a series. And, unless things change in whatever time left before Alecto comes out, I am planning to finish the series. Something that hasn’t happened since I was still in the good side of my twenties (I mean, I don’t think Homo Sacer counts as a series, does it?). 

Now. To the review! Haha, just kidding. Probably just yelling and incoherent mumbling. 

Obviously, spoilers. 

The writing: As I already pointed out in some of my posts, this is a more mature novel and it proves that the author wasn’t just throwing in slang because she couldn’t commit to a writing style. This is a fantasy space opera which mocks Greek tragedies, so it had to have a unique style. I have to admit, though, that the leap from book 1 to book 2 is... quite ambitious. The first is a 400 pages book that feels like it’s 200 and this one is a 500 pages book that feels like it’s 900. It’s mostly because it is pretty confusing and it is not a light summer read. There’s great attention to detail in the writing and, therefore, there must be great attention to detail when reading. I should have marked stuff with post-its but I was reading on my Kindle. I probably should’ve bought a hard copy as well, because I really wanted to go back and read some bits, but on the Kindle it is not as easy (for example all of those notes by Wake Harrow kept reading). It was very clever to write in third and second person, both for sentimental reasons and comprehension purposes. It was a bit jarring when we switched to first person in the later chapters, but I got used to it. It is a style that sometimes pulls you out of the story, it is ambitious, sometimes a bit tedious (especially during the fights that drag on), but I don’t mind when authors finally break those rules that make all new novels identical. This is a writing experiment and I enjoyed it. The “Miette” joke, while funny in a fanfiction, may have been a bit too much even for me, though. 

The plot: I was a bit disappointed with the final reveal. The whole book I kept saying “Nah, Gideon’s not the Emperor’s daughter,” because it was a bit cliché. I really was hoping she was the lovechild of two Lyctors, but the “Hi, I’m Not Fucking Dead. I’m Dad.” was worth it. Now can I start referring to Gideon as Hercules? And, no, she’s not Heracles. She’s obviously Disney’s Hercules (except that she has a “mortal” mum). Also, while the last few chapters of Gideon wrapped up all of the mysteries nicely and kept some stuff for the sequels, ending this on three cliffhangers was a bit too much (for me). But second installments in trilogies tend to do that. I’m just afraid I won’t remember half of the things I will need to understand Alecto and I really hope the narrative in that will be a little simpler than in Harrow. The question was never “will I finish it?”, because it is a compelling book, but “how exhausted will I be?” And I kind of was. I got to admit though that, as usual, all of the plot twists felt earned and it feels like a thoroughly planned trilogy. I still can’t understand half the lore, though. I don’t know if it’s because I was a bit tired while reading, but I couldn’t really picture the Resurrection Beasts and the “planet killing” subplot (it didn’t feel like main plot). The Ortus/Gideon Prime trying to kill Harrow every fifteen minutes was a bit silly and, yes, it added tension and drama, but it was a bit too much (not unnecessary, because of the link to the Emperor trying to fix her, but it played a bit cartoonish).

The genre: while Gideon was hardly sci-fi and this one is far from being hard sci-fi, it was nice to see more space elements. The first book had a fantasy, mystery, thriller feelings (up to the main battle at the end, which felt like a boss battle in a fantasy video game). This one was way more science-fictiony but with Greek tragedy elements and it had a lot more horror and gore. 

The characters: I missed Gideon so much. Even in the chapters she was narrating, it didn’t really feel like her, mostly - I believe - because the author wanted to maintain the mystery of who the narrator was. But I feel it was a bit of a disservice to Gideon, because she has such a distinct voice that it didn’t feel like her, until she showed up in Harrow’s body. I loved seeing all of my faves from the first book and I have a feeling we’ll see them again. Especially, Palamedes who’s clueless in his bubble. I’m glad Camilla is alive and Abigail Pent is the MVP. Took me a while to get who Commander Wake was and I still don’t really understand her connection to the Emperor and the Lyctors (and how she got the name? I mean, it’s funny, but you have to explain that). Ianthe was... interesting, but I really don’t want her near Harrow. She may have a crush, but she’s manipulative and doesn’t really know how to act on it. Harrow really became her own character and I’m glad the two protagonists now are fully explored. I liked the Emperor. John Gaius is my dude, I’m sorry. Maybe he’s evil, maybe he’s not but he makes dad jokes and I love him. Mercy, Augustine and Ortus/Gideon were... a bit forgettable honestly. A bit of a caricature, but they reminded me a lot of petty Greek gods. Nobody touch Ortus Nigenad. He’s my baby, too. The Sleeper (in the River bubble) was a very creepy character and it reminded me of Russel T. Davis era Doctor Who antagonists. 

All in all, there were a lot of great moments. It isn’t a book for everyone and I understand that. I still feel like the people criticizing the series are doing it for the wrong reasons and focusing too much on the writing style, while there is something that does not fully convince me, but it’s not the writing. I think people - especially in fantasy - are getting too used to third person limited. Using different points of view is fun and more writers should experiment. There are a lot of compelling books written in first person and terrible books written in third person omniscient. The talent of a writer isn’t in how “by the book” they are, but if they make a well written, compelling story with three dimensional characters. The Locked Tomb, so far, has all three. 

I may have missed something, but the book was very full and I’m not very good at remembering things. 

[ickle-ronniekins]

clarity, george x reader

hey guys! happy new year! it’s 2020, which is crazy, ‘cause wasn’t it just 2009 like a second ago? anywho, i’m sick with a cold and am working on requests (i promise!) but i recently discovered the whole soulmate au thing and i really wanna try it soooo...here’s hoping this isn’t terrible! i posted about it yesterday about the idea but i did change some things (i rewrote the end five different times i shit you not) also ps sorry this is hella long

prompt: soulmate au; everyone has a journal that allows them to write back and forth with their soulmate

A/N: so as i’m writing this it kind of reminds me of when harry wrote to tom riddle in CoS haha. anywho—i still want the reader to be a ~magical being~ so i do still want them to go to hogwarts (does that count as an au, then? WHATEVER, lol) however even though they can write back and forth with their soulmate, there’s this lingering restriction on soulmates revealing their identities because of the impending war and voldy and stupid fucking umbridge and all this stuff so they’re sworn to secrecy, not even names, not even hints, until one of them breaks

warning(s): mentions of war, blood, bodies, anxiety, not proofread

So sorry my writing’s been sporadic. Potions is dragging, love.

The words appeared very lightly, you almost didn’t catch them at first. Grinning giddily to yourself, you pulled your journal close to you so only you could see the fragile script in front of you. Potions. With Snape. You were just in Potions with Professor Snape. Is it possible that your soulmate had passed you by on your way out of the dungeons?

Well, of course it was. The castle was only so large, after all. It was proving rather difficult to keep your identity a secret.

You wanted to know who he was the second he first wrote you and made you blush. But, there were rules. Rules you both didn’t want to follow.

Is it four o’clock yet? He asked you now.

You grinned with excitement. Each time his handwriting appeared, it filled you with an overwhelming sense of closeness to him—since this, of course, was as close as you’d gotten.

The impending war put so much worry on your heart—for you, for him.

Biting your lip, you wrote back, I reckon Snape’s class isn’t going terribly well?

A quick response appeared. It’d certainly be better—if you were here.

You wanted nothing more than to know his name, hear his voice, be there with him.

The feast anxiously awaits your arrival, you wrote back cheekily, taking a sip of your pumpkin juice and watching as a cackle of students filtered into the Great Hall. Desperately, you searched the crowd for an inkling of him. There was none, of course. You had no bloody idea. Sighing greatly, you slumped back into your seat, poking at the food on your plate. How long could you possibly keep this going? Your soulmate didn’t really feel like one, especially when you didn’t even know his name.

Are you here, in the Great Hall? he wrote. I just walked in. C’mon, any type of sign that you’re here—at least tell me the color of your hair so I can eliminate some people—that isn’t too daring, now, is it?

How you wanted to. You wanted more than anything to tell him. But the worry that pulled at your heart—it was too much.

With utmost regret, you scribbled, You know we can’t, darling.

His response wasn’t exactly what you’d wanted. What you wanted, truthfully, was maybe for him to break—for him to finally reveal himself to you in a fit of fury, because he was so irrevocably in love with you that he just couldn’t stand it anymore. You could practically feel his sadness when, after a few painful minutes, he just answered, I know...

You looked around you, anxiously searching for some type of answer, but there was none. Many around you were scribbling quickly in notebooks in front of them. It was useless, really, to search for someone you barely knew in a sea full of people.

These restrictions are bloody ridiculous, he wrote one cozy, autumnal afternoon. He was frustrated. You could tell. The pressure of his quill marks and his messy handwriting showed you just how frustrated he was. It’s not fair that they’re keeping us from one another. It drives me bloody mad.

He had already left Hogwarts. Any hope you had of maybe locking eyes with him in the Great Hall and just knowing, deep down, that he was the one...those feelings of hope we’re gone. He was even further away now than you could imagine. You were no longer under the same roof.

In the common room next to the fire, you gripped the pages of your journal tightly. You knew how he felt, of course you did. I’m sick of it too, love... Your heart ached for him.

It seemed silly, but it was the truth. How were you supposed to feel about the man you were to spend the rest of your life with when you barely knew anything at all?

An idea of sorts came to him. You could almost feel his excitement and adrenaline rush. He answered, softer now, What if, instead of in writing, we just plan to meet...

His writing trailed off. You knew he recognized the danger of this idea, with every single slip of parchment and message being watched and intercepted.

I don’t care, you know. I don’t care what they do to me. As long as I can finally meet you.

Slowly, you flipped through the many pages of your journal, reading some of your conversations with him from the past years. It had proven extremely difficult to not give any hints about your identities over the years, so of course, you reread, every single day, the hints that he had given you.

He was one of many children. He was an inventor. He inherited his mum’s love for cooking and was a damn good one, if he did say so himself. He loved Hogwarts in the wintertime. His dad was overly fascinated with Muggles and their way of living. And he was funny—really funny, but he didn’t need to tell you that. He was always making you laugh.

You fed off of these five and only things for years. Years, they had sustained you, but right now, it wasn’t feeling like enough. Nothing felt like enough.

I want you to be safe, you told him. You need to be.

And then, you wrote again. Promise me that you are. Safe, I mean.

Your answers had been more sporadic and choppy and less long and interesting. He’d told you after he’d left Hogwarts that he’d been working on something, something to ease the pain of the impending war, something that he was excited about. The glimmer of those feelings kept you afloat in what felt like a world in which you were drowning slowly.

An answer came when you were asleep. I’m safe, darling. We had a long night. Promise me you’ll focus on your classes and graduating and keeping yourself safe and sound and I promise everything will be worth it.

All these years of writing and waiting and hoping seemed to be taking it’s toll on you both. There had been days where you hadn’t talked with one another at all, days where you didn’t even have the energy to pick up you quill and write a single thing. You barely had enough energy to discuss the news of you finishing school.

He told you one stormy night that he’d gotten hurt, that he’d lost one of his ears. In a moment of panic and worry, you’d written back as quickly as you could with questions you knew he couldn’t answer. What happened? Where are you? I’ll find you, let me come and help you.

A stern “no”, and then a softer, “I’m okay, I promise,”, had not helped your nerves at all. Things were getting worse. Voldemort’s army were taking out witches, wizards and Muggles alike, one by one, as the world you knew and loved was crumbling in pieces around you.

It was an awful feeling, knowing your soulmate was out somewhere in the world, hurting—in pain—and you couldn’t do anything at all to help him.

As the war worsened, your family was tortured for information. Death Eaters had stormed your home, questioning you on the whereabouts of Harry Potter, a boy just a year younger than you, a boy whom you went to school with—but you didn’t know. It didn’t matter, though. You were left with stinging burns, open wounds, broken ribs and gashes along your arms and legs.

It’d been exactly four days since you’d written your soulmate.

Please, love, let me know that you’re okay, he pleaded. You swore you could see tear drops next to the words he’d written. You told him swiftly, with all of the energy you could muster, that you were.

It seemed as though the sky had turned permanently dark gray. Storm clouds had swallowed the world whole. There was an eerie, cool wind that sent chills down your spine, and it was quiet—too quiet—the kind of quiet it is when it’s snowing outside. But this wasn’t the good kind.

Word had gotten to you that Hogwarts was under attack. The school you grew up in was being pummeled to the ground with those that you loved inside of it. He was there, he had to be there. Maybe, just maybe, in a moment of clarity, you’d find him somehow. You hadn’t thought once—you apparated almost immediately, the pull behind your naval nearly knocking the wind right out of you, but before you’d left, you wrote him one last thing. I’m going to Hogwarts. If we don’t survive...know that I love you. Salty tears escaped your eyes and landed on the pages of your journal.

You did, of course, even though you hadn’t met yet. Love him. You knew it deep in your heart. He was your soulmate, after all, even if you didn’t survive.

But the second before you apparated, you saw scribbly, messy handwriting on the journal placed delicately on your desk. It was so quick that you almost missed it, but you know you couldn’t have dreamt it. It was all too real. My name’s George Weasley—find me as quickly as you can.

Of course you knew him. He was one of the most well known people at Hogwarts when you were in school there. Heart thumping as you landed on your feet in the middle of the Great Hall, you noticed the blood, the bodies, the debris all around you. You swallowed over a lump in your throat. What would happen now that he revealed himself?

You’d been waiting years to hear his name.

Where was he?

And you saw him, hoisting himself on top of rubble, firing spells in every which direction, with his brothers next to him. A piece of debris slid against your cheek and left a stinging burn in it’s place. You touched your fingers to it gently, only to see some blood appear. You winced and fumbled over bodies and bricks and rubble.

He knocked a Death Eater over the edge of the bridge.

“George?”

He whirled around immediately—his face tired and his eyes bloodshot and sad. There were cuts and bruises all over his head, his red hair matted down by dirt, a large gash in his arm glistening with bright blood.

“It’s you,” his voice was hoarse and dry. He brought a hand to your cheek and wrapped it around the back of your neck. His hands absentmindedly made their way through your long, messy hair. His eyes were glassy. You tried to choke back your tears.

You placed your hands against his chest. “Finally.”

A moment of clarity hit when you realized that you’d met the man you’d spend the rest of your life with.

“I love you, you know—” he said in a moment of panic, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

Everything went black.

When you opened your eyes, you were in a hospital of sorts—St. Mungo’s. Everything was still hazy. You rubbed your temples, head throbbing, and swallowed. Your throat was extremely dry. You reached for the glass of water on your beside table.

There was a news clipping there. Once your eyes adjusted to the light, you read slowly. There’d been a war a few months prior. Lord Voldemort was dead—he had died at Hogwarts. Wasn’t that the school you’d attended? You furrowed your brow.

Your memory was very fuzzy.

A red haired man walked slowly into the room with some sort of book in his hands.

Why did he look so familiar?

He stopped in his tracks when your eyes met his. Careful, so as not to scare you, he grinned lightly and said softly, “You’re awake.” There was a hitch in his voice.

He tried to tell you many things about your life. Your name, your age, where you went to school. What had happened during the war. That he was your soulmate. He mentioned something about journals and how he and you had communicated only through them for years. You couldn’t seem to understand. You wanted too, but you just...couldn’t. He didn’t really tell you anything about his life—just yours. Perhaps you needed to remember yours first. Having him near you gave you a sense of warmth, though.

“The doctors say she may not remember for a while, mate,” another man who looked exactly like him had whispered one afternoon. He patted his brother on the shoulder. “Maybe try and start from the beginning.”

The beginning. Had you forgotten everything from the beginning?

Panic rose in your chest.

Through a very frustrating conversation, trying to get you to remember anything at all, he reintroduced himself, as if to start new. “I’m George,” he told you.

George, you thought. Familiar. You smiled at him.

Everyday, he stayed by your side and watched as your memory seemed to improve, even slightly—bits and pieces coming back to you. You’d attended Hogwarts. Your father was a wizard, but mum was a Muggle. Your favorite class at school was Charms. But him—he was still hazy.

You could tell it was hurting him, but he’d never let on. Your heart ached.

“When did we meet?” You asked him one day, sitting up in bed and blowing on your hot soup.

He loved it when you asked him questions. “During the war, actually,” he told you. “It was only for a moment, though. Very fleeting, but very wonderful.” He smiled at you.

You grinned back at him, feeling a surge of familiarity enter your body. You reached out and placed your hand on top of his, squeezing lightly. You saw him swallow over a lump in his throat, his eyes yearning for you to remember.

And now?

You asked him, “Can I...can I read your journal?” It was the book he brought with him every single day.

Tears welled up in his eyes, he gently placed the book into your hands. “Of course you can.” He stood up and placed a kiss onto your forehead. “I’ll have a word with the doctors—I’ll be right back,”

When you were sure he was out of the room, you opened the pages. Some were ripped and tattered, but you could still read the passages and differentiate between your writing and his. I just can’t wait to spend my life with you. You’d said that. Your heart skipped a beat.

I hope you that when we finally meet, he’d written, I am going to kiss you and never stop. I know it sounds silly because we haven’t met, but I love you...more than anything in this world.

Your cheeks flushed red at the thought.

As you sat there in bed, imagining what it’d be like to press your lips to his, slowly biting your bottom lip, he sauntered back into you room and snapped you back into reality. You hadn’t noticed how wide you were smiling until he startled you.

You placed the journal gently on your bedside table and took to cooling off your soup again. George was busy tidying up around the hospital room. When you took a slow sip, it was as if your taste buds had been reawakened. “Bloody hell, this is delicious—where did you get it?”

George smiled gratefully at you. “I made it this morning,” he told you. And just like that. Clarity. “I love cooking, actually, nobody really knows that but I got it—”

“—from your mum,” you cut him off.

He stood at the other end of the room, peering at you.

“Yes,” he said.

It was like everything came back to you at once—the writing, the moment he revealed himself, the war, seeing him for the first time—it was everything. Your soulmate.

Smiling greatly, you continued. “And your dad, he—he loves Muggle things, doesn’t he? He’s fascinated by them, everything about them—and you’ve a lot of siblings, don’t you?” He’d sat down next to you and pulled your hands into his. “And you absolutely hated Potions class—” at this, he laughed through a sob. A feeling of bravery entered your body. “And you promised me that when we finally met, you’d kiss me and you’d never stop.” You inched closer to him. “Guess we never really got a chance, did we?”

With tears in his eyes, he gently caressed your cheek and glanced longingly from your eyes to your lips. With a tiny nod from you, he laughed into the kiss that was years in the making. You felt like you were reentering your body. He kissed your forehead, your jawline, your neck, your shoulders, your hands— “You remember,” he said quietly.

You let out a soft hum as you pulled him close again. He gave you the most genuine and heartwarming smile when you told him, “I could never forget the man I love. I just can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

tag list: drop me a message if you’d like to be added: @mintlibri @georgeweasleyx @seppys-return-to-madness @fopdoodledane

other tags: @toranyx @wolfwistleweasley @t1nycak3 @hyuangel @iluvharrypotter172

reblogs + feedback are always appreciated! :)

[kahenn]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME:  Bunny

PRONOUNS: she/her

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: discord (most easily reached there), you can IM me but I’m slower because I don’t use the tumblr app. 

NAME OF MUSE(s): Miki Fuyuno 

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): Ugh, don’t make me think about it. (15 years probably, but that really is meaningless. 9 years on tumblr tho) 

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: tumblr, deviantart, and way, way, way, back in the day, quizilla and gaia online lol. 

BEST EXPERIENCE: I have literally made some lifelong friends and connections through this weird little hobby and honestly I think that’s pretty cool?

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Unnavigable themes and too much aesthetic that your posts/blog is inaccessible. I’m not talking nice edits or a bit of small text. I’m talkin formatting that’s all over the place, links that are impossible to find, weird contrast or tiny tiny text that makes things hard to read. It doesn’t even look good and when I have a terrible time navigating your page, it really puts me off from wanting to write in the first place.  Purple prose is bad. 

A deal breaker is ignoring my OC’s lore. There’s no point in RPing with me if you’re not going to take into account her story. I try to make her meld pretty seamlessly in to the world, without overtly shoehorning her into any canon character’s story lines, so as to not directly step onto canon’s toes. The most you have to acknowledge is her existence, some characters will know her by association or as an acquaintance at most at a base level. Some don’t need to know her at all. Basically, if you’re going to RP with me, you ought to take all of her shit seriously otherwise why are you here?   

MUSE PREFERENCES

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: Definitely fluff or smut. Angst has its merits for sure, but I really dislike angst just for the sake of angst. You know, putting our characters through turmoil for no other point than to just make things terrible for them. I like a bit of angst if it’s plot driven and has some sort of resolution, but mainly, rp is an escape and a hobby that I do to unwind and enjoy myself. So I prefer to write things on the happier side! On the topic of smut, I like that to have some plot. I don’t write smut just for the sake of smut. It has to make sense for our character’s prior interactions. It has to be going that way, you know? There has to be some build up and development before it gets to that point. 

PLOTS OR MEMES: I have the memory and foresight of a goldfish so even though there are things i think of that make me go “oh my god i really want to write that!!!” I will forget about it until I am randomly reminded of it again. That could be days or months in between lol. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good plotted thread and I love screaming about scenarios of our muses with my partners, but honestly, I really like when a good meme segues into a thread. Just feels natural. Please reply to my asks, lol. 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I’m somewhere in between. I like at least a few paragraphs for serious/involved threads. Dash comm, quick back and forths, or silly stuff I really don’t expect more than a few sentences. I can get long and wordy if the thread and mood is right (I am looking disrespectfully at Rowan). 

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Time is meaningless, I type shit out when the whim strikes me. I honestly have no pattern of when I write best. Generally I write best when I am not tired and not in pain (I am often these things, haha). Sometimes that’s late morning, afternoon, or late night. Spin the wheel, see where it lands! Can’t sayI get any words out early morning though. 

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Miki is my brain child so probably. I’m not a giant tsundere, nor am I 5′0″ tall and blonde but...I am also fond of plants/nature/gardening and the like. Certainly not to the extent Miki takes it. I kind of like domestic hobbies (baking/cooking, knitting, drawing) while Miki is less inclined to those. We like pink (but I take that one to the extreme). 

I stole this, now you should steal it also. Stealing is ok. 

[docmanda]

14 for some xie lian angst? Pretty please? Bonus points for him being trans

@zlodziej-wlasnej-tozsamosci there we go, I wrote a thing :-) it´s long and tumblr´s layout sucks so have a cut and I will post the link for the fic on AO3 too

Plain Brown Rice

Xie Lian should have known that a hydrangea bush would not be enough to conceal him from Hua Cheng for too long, his husband having developed a sixth sense for finding him by now if he even let him out of his sight at all. It was a testament of his bad luck making a reappearence that he had gotten separated from both of his husbands at the same time but this wedding was a big one after all, hundreds of fox spirits milling around the royal gardens of their Queen in a flurry of silks and fluffy tails, celebrating her Highness´beloved granddaughter´s wedding. And of course Hua Cheng would know immediately that he had been crying too, his happy smile at finding him after they had been seperated by the crowd instantly turning into a frown of worry. "Xie Lian..." Hua Cheng´s cold fingers are soft against his face, wiping away the moisture underneath his eye with the utmost care before kissing his cheek, "my love what happened? Why are you crying?" "Ah it´s nothing...", Hua Cheng´s gaze instantly turns hard and hurt, something that made Xie Lian cry never ´nothing´in his book after all and Xie Lian ducks his head slightly, feeling silly all over. "It really is nothing San Lang...I just, came here to be out of the crowd for a moment and overheard some people talking about us and I..." Xie Lian sighs heavily, closing his eyes as he tries to recount what happened for Hua Cheng. They had gotten seperated in the crowd and he had come here to the edge of the gardens in the hope of catching sight of one of his husbands from the outskirts of the wedding party, standing half hidden behind a luscious hydrangea bush, enjoying the scent of the blooming flowers when someone had started speaking on the other side of it. They clearly hadn´t seen him and Xie Lian was about to come out of his accidential hiding place when he heard his name being mentioned and froze. "That so called Dianxia, what´s his name? Xie something? Xie Lian? How boring...you really have to wonder how someone that useless and plain can manage to catch not one, but two supreme Ghost Kings at once. I mean that Kingdom of his has been gone for centuries now right, leaving nothing but rubble. If he wasn´t the one that chanced upon my sweet little niece and freed her from that trap years ago someone like him would never have been invited to her royal wedding like this, having such terrible ancestry. And they call him the scrap collecting God, whatever that is supposed to be...no proper title to his name, no estate, no power to speak of and on top of that he is as plain as rice, boring and bland." There is a giggle, high pitched and cruel. "No, like day old brown rice, boring and bland and ordinary, just good enough for peasants to eat. And surely nothing even close to good enough for the likes of Black Water and Crimson Rain. I mean that Chengzhu always had weird tastes, have you ever been to that town of his? Shameless I tell you. But you would expect more refinement out of someone like Lord Blackwater, he is a scholar after all with a proper education..and I sure as hell wouldn´t mind -him- waiting in my chambers at night I can tell you that." There´s more voices then hers, giggling slightly and suggesting even more unflattering monikers for Xie Lian, making the first one laugh again. The group had moved a little during their tirade and Xie Lian catches a glimpse of a magnificently made up, beautiful five tailed fox woman, covered in layers and layers of exquisite, translucent silks of all colors, sparkling with pearls and jewels and gold from the tip of her perfectly made up hair to her dainty little silk-clad feet and he suddenly wished he had allowed his husbands to make him up like this too, as much as he hated the confinement all that finery would have brought with it. They had put him into robes just as magnificent as this at first, clearly loving to dress him up in jewels and all kind of trinkets...but when it had been time to actually get ready for the wedding what had been waiting for Xie Lian had been two smiling husbands and a set of expertly made, but thankfully plain white robes instead of the finery. There were small, slightly off-white flowers woven into the hem and his sleeves, the same flower a small boy had gifted him so long ago and He Xuan had put his hair up in a simple bun, the crown they gave him plain silver with three small inlays in mother of pearl: The same small flower in the center, flanked by a fish jumping out of a wave and an intricately carved butterfly. His husband´s robes did match his too, He Xuan´s being his customary black with golden waves flowing along the hem and sleeves and Hua Cheng´s bright red, him forgoing his usual silver jewelry for woven, delicate silver butterflies. ´You looked so uncomfortable in all that fancy stuff we thought you might like this better´ and ´You are so beatiful already A-Lian, all this stuff would just make it harder to get it off later..ouch, what was that for Crimson Rain, you know I´m right stop pinching me..´ And Xie Lian had loved every single part of the outfit they gave him, simple but meaningful to the three of them...but some part of him still wishes he would have gone with the more elaborate robes they had prepared for him. At least he wouldn´t feel just as plain as he apparently was, small and unassuming and the part in him that could never stop to wonder -how- he had actually gotten so lucky to have not one, but two people fall in love with him as thoroughly as his husbands had. It was an old wound, but a deep one that feeling of being unworthy of kindness and affection that still plagued him from time to time and  that neither Hua Cheng nor He Xuan had yet managed to erase completely, no matter how much they showed their love for him. Xie Lian´s voice is small, knowing how -silly- the whole notion is, Hua Cheng and He Xuan -love- him, they show him with everything they do and say, a small crystal clear ring and a single, perfect black pearl around his neck the physical evidence of their adoration...and yet, he simply can´t get rid of that feeling of inadequancy. "They said I was plain...like day old brown rice, ordinary and boring. That I´m not good enough for you." "Who said that?" Crimson Rain Sought Flower´s voice is as sharp as his sabre´s blade, promising quick retribution and a painful death to anybody who dares belittle his one God...and even worse, make him cry. His eye scans the crowd as if he can find the perpetrator by pure will alone, killing intent bubbling up around him, making He Xuan look up in sudden alarm, rudely pushing aside a lady who had been trying to talk to him and immediately walking over, his own aura growing dark around him in answering worry. Xie Lian hastily wipes his eyes, grabbing for his San Lang´s sleeve. "Ah, please San Lang it doesn´t matter, it´s not of importance, I´m just being sensitive today, it´s probably just the wine haha.." Crimson Rain Sought Flower and Black Water Sinking Ships just raise their eyebrows at him, in unison, and it would be funny if both of them weren´t close to murdering a wedding party just because Xie Lian overheard an unhappy thing and couldn´t keep his mouth shut, He Xuan not even knowing what was going on, the sight of Xie Lian in distress enough incentive to follow Crimson Rain´s lead for him. Xie Lian can see the first heads start to turn and look at them. He had been hidden well enough behind his hydrangea bush that nobody saw him cry, but the surging power of the Devastations at his side is hard to cover up in a room full of magic beings...and it doesn´t need a proficient magic user for their displeasure and aggression being obvious. "Please my loves...I know you only want to protect me but it is their -wedding- , don´t ruin it because a single person in a hundred said an unkind thing.." It takes another second of suspense before Hua Cheng sighs and pulls him close with one arm, pressing a kiss into the soft hair on Xie Lian´s temple before resting his chin on Xie Lian´s head, not caring that anybody can see their display of affection. Neither does He Xuan when he leans in close for a kiss of his own, cold fingers slipping between Xie Lian´s warm ones. "Alright gege, but just because it is you asking...but we will be having a very serious talk about that whole "I am not good enough for you"-thing later." He Xuan twitches and his scandalized ´Who said that?´ exactly mirroring what Hua Cheng had exclaimed earlier would be funny too if it didn´t bring another spike of killing intent with it. This time it is Hua Cheng though who grabs for his sleeve keeping the other Devastation from doing something rash, like summoning his dragons in the middle of a wedding for example. "Calm down Black Water sheesh...Gege overheard someone talk shit about him and had another one of his ´I don´t deserve you´-moments hiding behind a bush." The sarcastic uncertone in his voice ruffles He Xuan´s feathers just enough for his focus to shift from ´100 easy ways to kill effectively and leave the Gods to sort out the innocent´ onto Hua Cheng...and only a long suffering, pleading look from amber colored eyes keeps him from tearing right back into the other Devastation. He is pretty sure that Xie Lian´s ´please don´t ruin the wedding´ includes fighting between him and Crimson Rain too. "..please, behave?" Xie Lian´s voice is tired with an undertone of love, like an overworked mother trying to keep her kids in check and both Devastations smile a little sheepishly, bending down at the same time to kiss him on the cheek, one side for each Devastation, finally getting a small giggle at their ridiculousness out of Xie Lian. When one of their hosts finally walks over, a young girl, barely into her second tail, clearly sent as a deliberately non-threatening envoy, carefully eyeing the Devastations at Xie Lian´s side his usual smile is back in his place. "Taizi Dianxia is anything the matter? The noble  Lords seem...distressed? Is there anything not to your liking?" Even at a wedding party full of fox spirits the two Supremes are still the most powerful beings in the room, aside maybe from the bride´s nine tailed, royal grandmother, so it stands to reason that everybody wants to keep them happy...including Xie Lian, who smiles apologetically at the young girl and bows slightly to her. "Ah I apologize. Your fantastic wine is a little too rich for me I fear and I was feeling a little unwell just now, making them worry. Please, don´t pay us any mind, it´s nothing a little fresh air won´t cure and my husband´s favorite hobby is fussing about me so I will be perfectly fine." The fox girl giggles a little at that, clearly relieved that nothing serious had happened and it was just a case of the Prince´s husbands getting worried over nothing. They exchange a few more polite words before she scampers away again, off to report to whoever sent her that nothing terrible was amiss after all. "Look at you Gege, lying without getting red in the face, I am proud of you." Xie Lian swipes at Hua Cheng for that, a soft blush covering his face at the gentle teasing as he grabs for his husband´s hand, dragging him along with He Xuan following them like a very black, protective shadow. "You are terrible, San Lang. And i am hungry, I did have a lot of wine which was probably a bad idea. Lets go find something to eat before all the good things are gone yes?" As usual, Hua Cheng is in favor of anything that makes Xie Lian happy having no objections to that...and He Xuan is always in favor of anything having to do with food anyway. Which is exactly what Xie Lian was planning on, trying to distract them from the anger he can still feel simmering in them. Hua Cheng does finally tell He Xuan what had actually happened, the other Devastation clearly as unhappy about it all as Hua Cheng but a soft pleading look from Xie Lian is enough for the moment for him to let go of it. And that´s where they´re staying for most of the night, close to the lavish spread of food arranged on a series of small tables, chatting to a never ending stream of relatives to the royal bride that Xie Lian saved, all wanting to have a look and a chat, at Xie Lian as well as his famous husbands. Mostly the conversations are pleasant, ranging from simply polite to heated discussions of some form of obscure poetry between the bride´s granduncle on her father´s side and He Xuan, who nearly stabs the poor old fox in the face with a half eaten bit of pastry forgotten in his hand when he tries to emphasize a point. It is testament to how passionate they are about that topic when He Xuan doens´t even so much glance at a laughing Hua Cheng and it needs the help of two more aunts to drag the granduncle away again before things can completely deteriorate. They finally managed to catch a moment of the bride´s time, silently chatting with her and her newly wedded husband when Xie Lian suddenly grows tense against Hua Cheng´s arm. And it doens´t take a genius to guess that the reason for this must be the new group of three who just joined their little conversation circle, a lavishly dressed and decorated five tailed lady -probably an older female relative of some kind to their bride- shadowed by what are probably her younger sisters. Hua Cheng´s brows draw together in a frown, his arm tightening around Xie Lian´s waist...until a sharp small tug at the back of his tunic brings him back to his senses. Xie Lian is slightly pale around his nose, softly shaking his head ´no´and thus confirming what Hua Cheng had suspected from the start: that these were the ones who had made Xie Lian uncomfortable enough to hide himself and cry. He Xuan seems to have noticed nothing wrong, still casually eating while pretending to be disinterested in whatever kind of topic the three of them were currently discussing with a slightly uncomfortably smiling bride...but Hua Cheng can see his golden eyes grow sharp as daggers, never letting the fox woman out of his sight. "..I just think this particular cut is so much more suited to bring out a lady´s advantages properly don´t you think? You are such a pretty thing you really should not be wearing such old fashioned rags...but don´t take my word for it then, let´s ask someone else.." She turns to He Xuan with a flourish, eyeing him in a way that makes it very clear that, while he was in fact very well dressed, she would vastly prefer him to be wearing nothing at all. "My Lord Black Water. You clearly are someone who has impeccable taste in fashion...what do you think about this new style of robe I am wearing?" Black Water finally looks up from his bowl, having been directly adressed after all, while the fox woman does a little twirl for him, very unsubtly showing off the way the fabric is draped around her full soft bossom, emphasizing her tiny waist and delicate throat to the fullest. Xie Lian can feel something in his throat constrict painfully at the display-plain, like day old brown rice indeed- gently pulling on Hua Cheng´s hand to please get him out of there when... "Vulgar." And then He Xuan turns back to his bowl, clearly done with the conversation and the flabbergasted woman in front of him paying her no mind at all anymore. Xie Lian is so surprised he has to quickly hide a smile behind a fake cough, while Hua Cheng can´t be bothered to conceal his laughter, not in the very least concerned about the cruelty of it. After all that bitch in front of them deserved that and a lot of things more, she should be happy that He Xuan was still on his best behaviour and didn´t tear into her more then he already had. She gapes at them for a few more minutes before turning around on her heel in a huff, her two sisters following her hastily as she takes her leave. Only when she has left does He Xuan look up from his bowl again, a sharp, satisfied grin showing his white teeth. "Unfortunately for her..," he scoops something up from his bowl with his chopsticks, slipping it into Xie Lian´s mouth and following up with a soft kiss as his husband starts chewing reflexively, "...plain brown rice is our favorite." Hua Cheng laughs at that, placing a kiss into his husbands soft hair before doing the same to He Xuan...and Xie Lian is sure there has never been a single bite of rice sweeter then the one currently in his mouth.

[purplesurveys]

1109

What were you like at 17? Infinitely more naïve than I am now. I was going through my first heartbreak, funnily enough caused by the same person who is the reason for my current heartbreak, but that’s a story I’ve shared a million times. Anyway, at 17 I was still in high school so I was definitely more carefree about a lot of things; I wasn’t worrying about the future too much just yet, and I was still set on taking journalism. I was also going through my first family death which allowed me to explore a new side of my emotions.

Tell us about your first kiss. I had been really nervous about it and I felt like I wasn’t ready. But she was very gentle and took her time with me that night, even though I could tell she really wanted to have that kiss. I knew I hadn’t been a good kisser for my first, but she seemed to have good memories of it years later when we revisited the experience.

Tell us about your worst date. I’ve never been on a date with someone I wasn’t seeing.

What’s your biggest flaw? I’m extra sensitive and can’t take even the most playful of jabs without feeling the least bit hurt, unless the dig came from someone I’m extremely comfortable with, like Angela. That makes me the worst person for banter in most cases and it makes me not the most approachable person.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve bought lately? To be honest with you, I only ever buy food lol. I’ve been an employee for three months now and I have yet to buy something that’s meant to be an investment or is meant to last with me. 

Who is your celebrity crush? Can’t really decide between Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet. Love them both.

What is your biggest pet peeve? I don’t appreciate lateness very much, especially if people have no reason to be.

What’s the song you most wish you had written? I don’t really think like this. If anything, I’m grateful there are songwriters out there who can pen songs that perfectly encapsulate my thoughts and feelings.

What do you always take with you when you travel? Phone, laptop, my chargers for each, wallet, and too many clothes because I like having multiple choices on what to wear while I’m traveling.

Do you have any pets? Two dogs.

Have you or someone you know ever drunk dialed? I never have, but I probably know a ton of people who have.

What is the worst break up you have experienced? The most recent one. The person I trusted the most hurt me in more ways than I could ever imagine. She seemed so desperate to get rid of me, and I will never be able to shake off the excruciating pain of feeling unwanted. She made it sound like I put her on a leash when I did nothing but attend to her every need and adjusted in a million ways for her comfort while never asking for anything back. I blamed myself for months, never knowing what exactly I was blaming myself for.

I worked my goooooooddamn hardest to get to where I am today, and I’m not sure she deserves to re-enter my life after the work and fixing I’ve done to be able to forgive and love myself.

Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I don’t think so. The only one I remember was a seatmate on a plane who snored for the entire trip, but it didn’t bother me too much. When was the last time you were rejected by someone? Late 2020.

Has someone way older than you tried to hit on you? Nope.

Have you ever been cheated on? Never. 

Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? No. I went to the same school from kinder to high school, so by freshman year I could’ve gone through the entire campus blindfolded.

Have you ever been interrupted during sex? Yeah many times.

Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? Yeah, I’m the favorite for that kind of content haha. I can get quite silly when drunk.

Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? Nope.

Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? Not exactly, but close. I’ve baked stuff before that ended up tasting like nothing.

What is the worst birthday you have ever had? I don’t think I have one that’s in the running for absolute worst, but my 21st birthday coincided with Easter Sunday so I couldn’t invite anyone to celebrate with me. Gabie’s parents, who aren’t even particularly religious, didn’t allow her to celebrate with me because it was Easter, so that was a blow. Angela saved the day by taking me to dinner and spending the whole evening with me, but by the end of the evening Gabie and I had a lengthy argument and she kept trying to break up with me. It was a miserable end to a mostly miserable birthday.

Have you ever choked on chewing gum? Probably briefly in the past. I don’t have any moments that stuck with me.

Have you ever found anything dirty in a siblings room? No, but I also don’t go looking around through his things. < Same.

Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I’m sure I have. I once made a mess in a high school classmate’s bathroom when I cleaned my hands to get red food coloring off of them. I did want to clean it, but my mom suddenly came to pick me up so I had to leave the sink in such a messy state. Years later and I still feel bad about it, even though I’ve never been close to that girl and I’ve never visited her house since.

When is the last time you got into a fist fight? Idk man, 15 years ago? The only physical fights I’ve gotten into were with my siblings and cousins when we were kids.

Have you ever been spit on by a llama? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a llama in real life.

Have you ever locked yourself out of your car/house? The house, yes many times. Never out of my car.

Describe how you got one of your scars. My right ring toe got caught in the gears once when I was riding my bike.

Describe how you’ve broken a bone, if you have. Never have. Would hate to feel what it’d be like D:

Have you ever had a near death experience? The time I got shocked when I was 11 probably comes the closest.

When you get cold at home, do you get a sweater/hoodie or get a blanket? I rarely get colds. When I do, I just wait for it to leave; I don’t really do anything to deal with it.

Do you require visual assistance? (i.e.; glasses or contacts) I’ve had glasses since I was 11.

Do you work out? Occasionally.

Describe the last cup you drank from. It was just a clear glass that had water in it.

What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Sushi and sashimi.

Do you like sausage? I’ve never liked sausage tbhhhh. It tastes odd to me.

Ever held a newborn animal? I don’t think. The closest I’ve come to holding a newborn was meeting Cooper when he was two months old and barely looked like a beagle.

Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I haven’t had a birthday cake in a while, but in general I do make wishes when I get the chance to blow out candles.

Have you ever been to Boston? Nope.

Describe your hair at the moment. I showered a few hours ago so it’s still a bit damp, but otherwise it’s nothing special.

What is the last thing you searched for online? I looked for a synonym for a certain word, but I don’t remember what it was.

What are you sitting on? The chair in my room. I actually haven’t sat on it for a couple of months, so it feels pretty refreshing to do so again.

Could you use a massage right now? If I could get rid of how terribly ticklish I am, I would so appreciate a massage right now, yeah.

Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? Yup and I also get insanely cranky as well. Being hot is one of the worst sensations ever, if not the outright worst.

Do you sleep on your stomach/back/side most often? On my stomach with my arms and legs wrapped around a pillow.

Do make sure you dot your I`s when you write? Yes.

Do you dunk your cookies in milk? No, I just like to eat them on their own.

What did you wear today? I had a tank top and shorts for most of today.

Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Not really, unless I’m diagnosed with a certain condition lol.

Are you afraid of failure? Yeah because I really hate losing or people thinking I’m not capable enough. The older I get and the more experiences I gain, though, the more I’ve been less afraid to commit mistakes. More and more I realize everybody I deal with are people who also make mistakes and are afraid of making mistakes.

Have you been called a bad influence? I’m sure I have.

What about Chinese food? Love it or hate it? I loooove Chinese food, but it’s not one of my top favorites.

How do you feel about getting new neighbors? I honestly have no clue who any of my neighbors are, so I would barely notice if we got new ones.

Why were you last in a hospital? I needed to get blood and urine tests because my fever wasn’t going away and it was time to figure out what was wrong with me.

When is the last time you went to a doctor, and why? We needed him to figure out what I had from the results of the aforementioned medical tests, and for him to prescribe the proper medicine for me to take.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

[foofygoldfish]

stolen from @chyrstis, but i was technically tagged a few times a while back

doing this for my lovely bbs, elizabeth and tess, and answering it as them! or trying to, this might just be elizabeth because... how do i write tess

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? tess - i don’t get loud often. in general and in anger. i uh.. learned to push that down. or deal with it in better ways.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? neither of us would. we’ve been through so much - it’s just... not going to happen.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? okay, i know i just said neither of us would - and we still wouldn’t - but we might go on a long walk, or out on a patrol or something while in the middle of an argument. 

Who trashes the house? neither of us. we don’t really have much stuff to trash, anyways.

Do either of them get physical? nope.

How often do they argue/disagree? not often - if we do, it’s over little things - tess likes to make the bed in the morning, i don’t see the point, that kind of thing. nothing major.

Who is the first to apologize? me. i’ve lost people before when we had been in an argument - i’ll never forgive myself for that.

SEX

Who is on top? oh jeez. okay so. we don’t.. really? i’m not that interested in sex. 

Who is on the bottom? that being said, tess knows what she’s doing.

Who has the strangest desires? i.... well, i guess it’d have to be tess, just by process of elimination (tess: hey i’m not that strange)

Any kinks? oh tess definitely has a few and uh... i think i might be willing to try some of them, but you’re not getting any of that out of me, nope - oh tess, get that fucking smile off your face--

Who’s dominant in bed? ..... (she looks at tess)

Is head ever in the equation? uh

If so, who is better at performing it? well tess is more experienced in everything so

Ever had sex in public? god no - i mean tess said she thought about it a few times on our way here, which technically was in public, but we’ve never done anything

Who moans the most? tess here. it’s definitely not me.

Who leaves the most marks? tess again. also not me...

Who is the more experienced of the two? hi, i’m back - i think i already said this? definitely tess.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? no

Rough or soft? noooooo

How long do they usually last? (elizabeth is slowly turning brighter red)

Is protection used? (even brighter)

Does it ever get boring? no

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? i -- oh, lord, don’t tell tilly but, we had a moment in the hay loft once. it wasn’t like... full sex, but hands were definitely in pants and uh - please don’t tell tilly

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? it’s not really something we’re actively planning on, but we aren’t opposed to it - if there’s a kid that needs us, we will happily take them in. 

If so, how many children do they want/have? ...no specific number? i don’t think we would want more than three or four in the house at a time, particularly if they’re younger - neither of us like babies - but we don’t think we’ll stop fostering kids just because we get old.  (a note: they adopt at least one kid - his name is ryan)

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? me - i mean, tess likes it too, if i go to bed before her, i’ll wake up with her spooning me.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? .... tess, though i’ll admit, sometimes i tease her....

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? absolutely tess. i like holding hands too, but, yeah, tess. especially when we’re home.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? uh, it depends on our bladders, honestly

Who gives the most kisses? i think we’re tied? tess likes to smooch my head while i’m doing dishes, but i’ll give her kisses when we’re watching a movie or something.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? we both like movie nights - just the two of us, nobody else is allowed. Tess makes some popcorn and I get everything set up and — oh the next question

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? as I was saying - we cuddle on the couch and watch whatever terrible movie we’ve found! I like it. It’s cozy

How often do they get time to themselves? not as much as we would like - we’re both pretty busy, between patrols and our other jobs in town. I always try and get us scheduled for patrols together, but it doesn’t always work... I feel safer when she has my back, which sounds silly?

SLEEPING

Who snores? t: Elizabeth. holy shit Elizabeth. E: I don’t snore!!! You do!!! (Cue argument - Tess snores. Elizabeth mumbles.

If both do, who snores the loudest? oh see the last question

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? ever since we admitted that there was something going on, we have shared a bed. at first I said it was more practical, specially when we first got here and were couch surfing until our little house was ready for us, but now I just... need her near. She helps with nightmares.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? I always wake up with Tess’s arms around me. Tess has told me that I “koala” on her sometimes...

What do they wear to bed? Tess doesn’t usually wear anything - in the winter she’ll wear a warmer pj set, but most of the year, nothing. I like to have at least a nightgown, if not pants too. Hard to shake the feeling of needing to be ready to get up and go at all hours, y’know?

Are either of them insomniacs? we both are, honestly.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? eh, sleeping pills aren’t really a thing anymore? there are days where i’d kill for some benadryl, though.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? tess says that i’m a koala.

Who wakes up with bed hair? me. i always mean to braid my hair before bed, but i never remember

Who wakes up first? we don’t really have any sort of consistent sleep schedule? sometimes tess will wake up first, sometimes i will, it usually depends on how late we were out the night before and what we have to do that day.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?  tess - i am a chronic burner of breakfast food. 

What is their favourite sleeping position? i like being the little spoon. it’s soothing to have tess curled up around me

Do they set an alarm each night? not every night - only if we have to be up in the morning.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? we don’t have room! we have a little one in the living room, but that’s it. our house is pretty small - i think ellie’s place might have more square footage, and she’s in a converted garage... we’ve been looking for a bigger place, but we know it’s better for families to have a big house when it’s just the two of us. if or when we have kids - then we’ll definitely upgrade. that house would really depend on if they already have a tv in the bedroom - without like, netflix or blockbuster and cable, there’s not really a point in watching tv from bed?

Who has nightmares? well - we both do. i have them more often than tess, though. hers are usually after the rougher patrols. mine are... well, i either have a nightmare or a weird-ass dream. it’s not often that i just don’t dream.

Who has ridiculous dreams? oh - me. 

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? tess here - i’m amazed that such a tiny person can take up so much of our bed. we have a queen size bed and she takes up most of it! she’s like a damn cat.

Who makes the bed? tess again. elizabeth mentioned this earlier - i like having it made. makes the room look cleaner. she doesn’t see the point in taking the time if we’re only going to be in it again in a few hours. 

What time is bed time? hi, elizabeth again! it’s usually whenever we get home or whenever we’re tired. if it’s one of our off days, we might stay up till one or two in the morning watching movies, and if it’s a patrol day, we usually just go to bed as soon as we get home. for the longer patrols, at least. 

Any routines/rituals before bed? not really. feed the cats, shower, pass the fuck out, that’s about it.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? uh. hi. i don’t like waking up.

WORK

Who is the busiest? we both are, just in different ways? tess goes out on a lot of patrols and works at the guard posts, and i do patrols and work in the barns. 

Who rakes in the highest income? money isn’t really a thing here - pretty much everything is trade or work based.

Are any of them unemployed?  nope - we keep ourselves busy.

Who takes the most sick days? uh - we both have to be forced to not work when we’re sick.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? ...me. i oversleep. a lot.

Who sucks up to their boss? uh, well - i suppose... neither of us? we might sweet talk maria into letting us go out together, but that’s about it.

What are their jobs? oh, i already said that, oops!

Who stresses the most? me. it’s... hard to not? tess doesn’t believe me when i say that boston sounds like a dream compared to the detroit qz. it’s hard to break some of those habits. 

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? i like mine - working with the animals is closer to what i wanted to do before the outbreak than what my parents were trying to get me to do. 

Are they financially stable? again - money’s not really a thing here. we’re comfortable. 

HOME

Who does the washing? we take turns - we both hate doing it. i’ve been trying to find a functional washing machine somewhere, but no dice.

Who takes out the trash?  our rule is whoever notices it deals with it.

Who does the ironing? oh fuck ironing, haha. it’s the apocalypse, who has time for that?

Who does the cooking? we both are good at different things - i suck at breakfast foods, but i’m good at making stews and stuff.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? uh. there’s a reason i’m not allowed to make eggs.

Who is messier? me. oops. oh - tess shut up, i admitted it! she’s grumbling at me.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? oh i never mean to - i think about it and then get distracted on my way out the door...

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? we’re both pretty good at getting stuff into our laundry baskets, actually.

Who forgets to flush the toilet? it - oh tess is laughing at me now - i forget sometimes. but only when i get up in the middle of the night and i’m just barely awake.

Who is the prankster around the house? tess.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? cars aren’t really a thing anymore - we have a few in town, but nobody uses them. i have a reputation with - well, everyone - that if they misplace their tack then they don’t get to ride again until they find it, so honestly, most people in town are good at keeping track of that. 

Who mows the lawn? a neighbor kid. 

Who answers the telephone? not gonna lie, i don’t miss phones. at all. fuck phone calls. they were horrible.

Who does the vacuuming? i miss my roomba. we mostly just sweep now - the carpet in this house was nasty when we moved in, so we ripped it up immediately and put in hardwood.

Who does the groceries? we both do - the store in town isn’t really like krogers or glens used to be - well, actually, it is kinda like glens, just with more fresh vegetables and meat. anyways that’s not the point - we both pick things up whenever we’re running low. if we both need to go, we either go together, or i send tess with a list.

Who takes the longest to shower? i do, haha - it’d be even worse if we had a bathtub.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? nope - like i’ve said, money isn’t a thing.

How many cars do they own? cars? none. horses? several.

Do they own their home or do they rent? both? it’s complicated.

Do they live in the city or in the country? i mean - jackson is technically a city

Do they enjoy their surroundings? very much so. i think i would have liked it here before the outbreak, too - mountain life is nice.

What’s their song? we... don’t... have one? i’ve never really thought about it, honestly.

What do they do when they’re away from each other? normal stuff? i - what do people normally say? we aren’t the “constantly attached at the hip” type of couple, we both have our own lives.

Where did they first meet? hah - when tess looked like fucking death. back in boston, at the capitol - right after her oh-so-noble showdown with the military, i pulled her stupid - yes tess, stupid - ass to safety and patched her up. i was ready to - well, y’know - if she turned, but she didn’t. didn’t think i’d end up hiking across the country with her.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? i - fuck, okay so tess? she has excellent impulse control. i have a weakness for cookies. they’re very good, okay? 

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? assets? like, -- wait you mean like - god, neither of us.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over themselves? i am very clumsy and tess thinks it’s hilarious. it’s almost annoying...

Any mental issues? uh. yeah. shit’s rough, y’know? we both - we both have our fair share of issues. 

Who’s terrified of bugs? i’m not terrified, but i’m not a fan either...

Who kills the spiders around the house? tess is always kind enough to peacefully evacuate spiders from the premises.

Their favourite place? we have a little overlook that we like to go to - i’m not telling you where it is though, i don’t want tilly stealing it...

Who pays the bills? no bills, thank god.

Do they have any fears for their future? who doesn’t?

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? tess. i’ll take her out to dinner, but she’ll make one for us.

Who’s the tallest? i - it’s - it’s really not hard to be taller than me. i’m 4′11 on a good day...

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? tess. she tried that once and scared the shit out of me.

Who wanders around in their underwear? if we’re home alone? we both will, specially in the summer. god i miss aircon.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? me.

What do they tease each other about? a lot.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? i think tess would laugh if she saw how i dressed before the outbreak, honestly - nowadays we pretty much wear whatever fits. or is practical.

Who crushed first? i uh - i think i was the first to have a proper crush? tess told me she thought i was cute when we first met, but honestly, she was covered in blood, i was too distracted by that to think about if she was cute or not.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?  not that i know? 

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? tess - i don’t drink.

Who swears the most? yes.

[connan-l]

Cleavered

Fandom: The House in Fata Morgana & Higurashi: When They Cry

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relationship: Rena Ryuuguu & Morgana (The House in Fata Morgana)

Summary: Rena was lost, all alone and far away from her village and country. But while trying to find her way back, she gets herself involved into a sordid story of blood and witch…

Content Warnings: A few graphic depictions of violence, including slashing, blood, blood draining, attempted murders. Panic attacks and vomiting towards the end. Briefs kidnapping and slavery mentions.

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Link on Archive of Our Own

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Notes: I promise this initially started as a silly joke. I only wanted to write a ridiculous crack one-shot with ‘what if Rena Ryuuguu saved Morgana’ as a premise, and for some reason it ended up as this giant taken-too-seriously mess. It was actually pretty hard to write though — took me months before finishing it, and it was a real challenge to find a way to fit Higurashi’s plot in FataMoru’s setting. Rena was also pretty difficult to write, and I wish I would’ve been able to reread Tsumihoroboshi before that, but oh well.

Again though, it’s principally just a self-indulgent crack fic, so don’t try to think too much about it if there are some details that don’t makes sense and roll with it haha.

I’m thanking Ried (@kosongnonsens) too given I started writing this after we joked around about this idea.

Spoilers for the entirety of The House in Fata Morgana and A Requiem for Innocence, and for Higurashi: When They Cry’s sixth arc Tsumihoroboshi-hen/Atonement Chapter.

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She was definitely lost by now.

Whether she looked right or left, behind or in front of her, none of the landscapes and surroundings had one once of familiarity. She had been walking for hours now, at least — but she was pretty sure she had just managed to get even more lost than she initially had been.

Disheartened, she let out a long, heavy sigh, and sat down on a rock in the shade of a tree. Her big satchel that she’s been dragging around since she first came into this country was starting to really hurt her shoulder and back, so she also put it down on the ground. The soil was probably going to tarnish it, but it didn’t bother her much. It already was an old, deteriorated bag anyway, and there wasn’t anything of value in it — just a few clothes, some fruits and bread, and her cleaver.

She wished her father was here. And her friends. She wished she could just go back to her village, which she hadn’t seen in months now. What was she even doing out there in this foreign land she knew nothing about? People only looked at her weirdly, as if she was some sort of exotic animal, and she felt terribly uncomfortable and unwelcome.

(But maybe this was part of the curse of Oyashiro, too…)

As she unconsciously sighed again, she suddenly heard something. It sounded like footsteps. Then, after a while, she was sure she could feel a presence — a human presence. She always had a good instinct for stuff like that. She instantly grabbed her satchel, ready to welcome anything, but the person who showed up in front of her emanated absolutely no danger or suspicion whatsoever.

“Ah, as I thought! I truly had seen someone coming here!”

It was a girl, a bit younger than her, with long wavy blonde hair and sparkling sunny eyes. Her first thought was that she looked really cute, and she if wasn’t feeling so tired she probably would’ve loved to try squishing her round cheeks. Her second thought was that on the other hand, her pale face, chapped blue lips and dark circles told her she wasn’t in the best of health. Still, the girl bounced towards the newcomer like a rabbit, smiling from ear to ear.

“That’s so rare to see people!” She exclaimed. “No one ever come around here.”

“Really?” A part of her still felt suspicious, but the girl’s smile was contagious so she couldn’t help but mimic her friendly tone. “I got lost in the forest… I’ve been walking for hours trying to find my way back. Do you think you could help me?”

Th blonde girl grimaced. “Well… I can try, but… Honestly, I don’t really know my way around here either…”

“Oh… I see…”

Well, of course, that would’ve been too easy. At least she wasn’t lost in the middle of the woods anymore, she supposed. She had never been afraid of forests or dark, isolated places, but those were still tricky areas when you knew nothing of the surroundings.

“Um…”

The girl cleared her throat, getting her attention back to her, before smiling shyly with a hopeful gaze.

“Uh, well, I don’t think I can help you find your way back, but… you said you’ve been walking for hours, right? So you must be tired. If you want, I can invite you at my home!”

“Y-You would? I-I mean… it’d be very kind, but I don’t want to bother,” she stuttered.

“It’s okay! I’m all alone right now, and I’m sure the Saintess wouldn’t mind either!”

“The Saintess…?”

“I know how to make excellent tea, with rose petals! I promise you won’t regret it if you come!”

The blonde girl took her hand and begins to pull on it excitedly. She seemed oddly happy at the idea of sharing her afternoon with this stranger she knew nothing about. Maybe it wasn’t a really prudent decision to follow her, but honestly, at this point she felt too tired to refuse such an alluring invitation. Plus, she felt pretty charmed by that girl, and she didn’t think she was dangerous.

“Okay!” She replied. “You lead the way then.”

The girl’s face instantly lit up and her smile got even wider as she saw the stranger rose up from the rock and grab her satchel.

“Aahh, that’s so great! We could bake together too! Ohh, and chat about all sorts of things! Ah, by the way, I’m Nellie. What’s your name?”

She smiled at her new acquaintance, her hand still intertwined with hers.

“I’m Rena! Nice to meet you.”

________________________________________________________________

Nellie hurriedly guided her to her home all while making little mindless talks (“You’re ‘Rena’? It’s the first time I hear that name! It sounds so weird!”), and it only took them five minutes to reach it. The place where she lived looked more like a little cabin than an actual house, to be honest, but Rena thought it’d be rude to say so she kept quiet. The interior was fairly cozy, and with all the adorable, tiny decorations put all around the walls it wasn’t hard to guess that Nellie was the one who was spending most of her time here.

“Do you live here all alone? Do you?” Rena asked tentatively.

“No, I live with the Saintess… Ah, the Saintess is a nun who works at the church up there! Before that, I lived with my brother in another house, but we moved here a few months ago.”

Rena nodded while the younger girl ran up to the kitchen. She had spent enough time in this country to know that ‘saint’ and ‘nun’ were religious figures here, though she wasn’t sure what were their roles exactly. She sat at the table and waited patiently for Nellie to reappears a few minutes later with a plate in her hands.

“Haoo, those teacups are so kyute!”

“Hehe, I know, right? They’re ones of the only things I was able to bring back from home.”

“From where you lived with your brother?”

“Yes— Ah, I mean, no, even before that. Initially, we didn’t even live in the same country. We used to be rich, you know? Living in a huge mansion and all.”

“Ohh, it sounds nice! I’ve never been in a mansion.”

Well, she supposed her friend Mion’s big house could count as one, but from what Rena had seen it was still very different from what Western people called ‘mansions.’

“Well, if you want, there’s a mansion not far from here, so I could show you. I mean, it’s technically a church, but it still looks more like a mansion than a church.”

“Aw, really? I’d love to see that!”

Nellie giggled. “You’re funny. I like you. I wish I could show you my own manor too back in my country, but… I probably will never be able to go home…”

The blonde girl sighed, and a sad expression spread on her face. Rena guessed it was a touchy subject and that it was better to just change the topic rather than push the issue, but at this moment Nellie stared straight into her eyes, her smile back in place, as if it had never disappeared.

“What about you?”

“H-Huh?”

“You’re a foreigner too, aren’t you?”

“Oh… yes, that’s true… I come from the Far East. Um, well… I came to this country some months ago because of my father’s work. He’s a trader and came here for a new business opportunity… but then we got separated, and I got lost, and so here I am.”

It was a pretty simple summary of her situation and she left out a lot of complicated factors, though. No matter how cute Nellie was, she still didn’t felt like telling her whole life story out of the blue like that.

“You speak the language really well for someone who only came here months ago,” she noticed.

“O-Oh… thanks… I still don’t know how to write it though…”

Nellie seemed to ponder her words for a moment in silence, and Rena thought she was going to keep questioning but instead she just grinned and rose up from the table.

“Well, whatever! It doesn’t matter where you come from if I like you. Hey, what do you think about baking with me? I feel like eating sweets!”

Rena didn’t get the time to reply that Nellie grabbed her hand and dragged her in the kitchen, but she didn’t try to complain and instead just let herself be subjugated by the other girl’s cheerfulness.

“I love cooking, actually!” She only added. “What do you want to bake?”

“Hmm…” Nellie crossed her arms and frowned. “I dunno… Something with sugar. Lots of sugar.”

Rena giggled, then looked around the room to quickly catalog the ingredients at her disposition. “All right, then I have a proposition: how about I try to make some sweets from my country?”

As she had expected, Nellie’s eyes brightened with enthusiasm and curiosity. “Yeah! You do that! I’ll help out too.”

And thus they started to bake together, spreading flour and butter and sugar all around the house. Rena thought she felt a little bad about the so-called ‘Saintess’ if she were to come back home and see all this mess, plus all the food they squandered. But to be honest, she was having so much fun right now that she didn’t even care.

Nellie reminded her a little bit of her friends, and especially of Satoko. Maybe it had to do with the way she spoke about her big brother with so much love and admiration. Either way, it had been a long time she hadn’t had so much fun. For a moment, if she closed her eyes, she could even pretend she was back home in Hinamizawa…

The sun was starting to set and they were almost done with their cooking when the door from the house suddenly opened. Nellie seemed surprised — she apparently wasn’t expecting anyone to come home so early. When they both went to look, Rena saw a young man with the same blonde hair as Nellie standing in the room.

“Dearest Mell!” The younger girl exclaimed, and all of a sudden it was as if Rena’s existence had been completely erased from her mind.

She ran in the room and jumped in the boy’s arms, who caught her as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Hello, Nellie,” he said gently.

“What are you doing here? I thought I wouldn’t see you at all today!”

“Yeah, I, uh… I forgot my bag here, and I felt the need to check on you. But, I won’t be able to stay long… maybe half an hour, at most…”

Nellie’s happy face instantly fell upon hearing that. “Are you sure? We were baking some sweets together, stay at least to taste them!”

“‘We’?”

At this moment, the boy ‘Mell’ finally noticed the other person at the end of the room. Rena smiled in a friendly way and waved at him, hoping to make him understand she wasn’t anyone suspicious, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on him as he instantly tensed and glared at her.

“Nellie, who’s that?” He asked in a stiff voice while grabbing Nellie’s arms in a protective manner.

His sister didn’t seem to notice his unease, though, because she just replied happily: “Oh, it’s Rena! Rena, it’s my big brother, dearest Mell!”

“R-Rena…?”

“Yeaaah, that’s a weird name, right?” Nellie added.

“No, that’s— I mean, who on earth is that girl, Nellie? What is she doing here?”

“She’s a foreigner I found outside. She told me she got lost, so I invited her here to play together.”

“Nellie!” Mell exclaimed, his voice firmer and almost panicked. “You cannot do that! Didn’t I tell you a lot of times to never let inside any strangers and to open the door to no one?”

“But… she’s not dangerous. I like her, she’s really nice. We baked toge—”

“It doesn’t matter how nice she is, you just can’t do that!”

Rena listened to the siblings’ argument from afar, and the more she observed the more… off, it seemed. Of course Mell had every reason to not want his little sister to interact with a stranger, but his reaction still felt wrong, somehow. He looked almost desperate, and Rena clearly wasn’t the only one to think he was acting weird.

“Dearest Mell,” Nellie said in a softer voice. “It’s fine. She really didn’t do anything but bake with me…”

Maybe his sister’s calmness and reassurance managed to cool him down a little bit somehow, because he blinked, looked at Rena, and took a deep breath.

“Yeah… uh, sorry. I’m just… a bit tired. That’s all.”

“Oh, it’s okay!” Rena replied. “I understand being tired.”

She also understood what it was like to feel paranoiac as if the entire world was against you, and to lash out at anyone as a result. And maybe that was why she couldn’t help but find Mell’s behavior more than suspicious.

“I… I need to get back my bag,” the boy blurted out, before heading towards the end of the cabin.

As soon as he had turned their back to them, Nellie’s expression darkened, and she looked down. Her eyes were shining so much Rena thought she might start crying. She didn’t, though.

“Could it be that… you two are not getting along well?”

Nellie shook her head. “We get along fine, usually. But these last months, Mell has been… so distant. First, he’s wanted to move here all of a sudden, and then he spent all of his time at that mansion… I know it was because I got sick, but…”

“Because you got sick?”

Rena didn’t need to read mind to guess the girl wasn’t healthy. She saw her cough quite a few times during their afternoon together, and there were moments where she even had to sit down because she felt dizzy. But she wasn’t sure how that was related to them moving. Nellie looked up and stared at Rena for a while. She seemed to hesitate, then nodded.

“Not long ago, the church up there started giving out a miraculous medicine that can heal everything, called ‘Saint’s Blood’.”

“Everything…?”

“Yes, and it really works! I was extremely ill, but after I started drinking it, I started to feel better. It’s temporary, though, so Mell has to get me some of it every once in a while. But…” Nellie bit her lip. “Well… you probably won’t believe me if I tell you…”

“Try me. You’d be surprised.”

Nellie looked at her once more, then finally made up her mind. “This medicine — it’s actually real blood from a real saint.”

“You’re drinking real blood?”

“Yeah, from the nun who lives with me. But it’s not like my blood or yours! It’s special, because she’s a saint. The real deal.”

Rena tried to register everything Nellie had told her with the little of what she knew of this country’s culture and religion. ‘Saints’ were some sort of divine figures here, weren’t they? Were they similar to the priests and shrine maiden serving the gods, like Rika? Maybe Rika would be considered a ‘saint’ here too then. So it wasn’t surprising that the blood of such a being could realize ‘miracles.’ She wondered if Nellie would believe her if she were to tell she also probably knew a ‘saint’ of her own…

“It’s good that I was able to get better… But if it comes at the cost of my brother… then it’s not worth it…”

Nellie’s small voice sounded so defeated and sorrowful. Rena looked at her with sympathy. She might not have known her for long, but seeing her like this was still painful. She wanted to try to say something to comfort her, but couldn’t find the words, and at this moment footsteps got her out of her thoughts.

“All right, I have it,” Mell declared.

Nellie’s sad expression disappeared, and a wide smile replaced it. For some reason, seeing this made Rena even sadder for her.

“Does that mean you’ll stay here then?”

“Just for half an hour,” Mell reminded her strictly. “But yes. I will.”

“Aha, yay! Thank you, dearest Mell!”

The girl jumped at her brother’s neck. Mell patted her head, then turned around towards Rena, his suspicious look back on.

“Do you… intend to sleep here?”

“Oh, no! Don’t worry, I will not bother you like that! Actually, I was just going to leave.”

“Eh? Already?” Nellie exclaimed disappointedly. “That wouldn’t have bothered me for you to stay sleep here…”

“No, it’s okay! I’ll find another place to stay the night. But thank you.”

Mell kept staring at Rena with distrust, but hearing her affirm she was leaving now seemed to put him a bit more at ease.

“Plus, I need to do my best to find my way back.”

“But…”

“Thank you for helping me, Nellie. But I can’t abuse of your kindness any longer. Oh, and of course I’ll leave you the sweets! I hope they’ll be good.”

All while talking, Rena took her satchel. She gave a tight hug to Nellie, smiled at Mell who just stayed quiet, then headed towards the door.

“Bye!”

The last thing she saw before closing the door was Nellie waving her hand sluggishly at her. Once outside, Rena sighed. The sky was orange, and it wouldn’t be long before the night fell. The smartest thing to do would be to try to find a place where she could sleep. She actually came around a small abandoned ranch earlier in the woods, so if she finds nothing else that would be her last resort, but it was a few hours away from here and far from being ideal.

But apparently today Rena didn’t feel like being smart. Instead, she thought about Nellie’s sad face, about the shady story of saints and blood she had just heard, and about the growing, insatiable curiosity that was starting to form inside her. And so, after a few moments of hesitation… she decided to hide in a bush next to the cabin, and wait here.

As Mell had said, it was about half an hour later when he finally went out. She looked at him say good bye to his sister, and when Nellie went back inside the cabin, he finally started to walk off.

Rena hesitated. She had a bad feeling. She knew she shouldn’t meddle. But her curiosity was stronger than any common sense she might have right now.

So, she tightened her grip on her satchel inside which resided her cleaver, and as discreet as a cat, she started following Mell.

________________________________________________________________

The house started to get into sight a few minutes later. It was a huge, intimidating building — and just like Nellie had told her earlier, this looked more like a mansion than a church. Mell stopped for a few seconds in front of the door, manifestly hesitating to go inside. He sighed, shook his head, then pushed the door and disappeared behind it. Rena waited a few seconds, then followed him.

The interior made her stop and gasp. She had arrived inside a giant room, with two rows of benches and a big, beautiful stained-glass at the end of it. Was that what the natives called an angel? She heard about this, too, but the one on the stained-glass looked so beautiful and dignified. The entire place seemed magical, and she couldn’t help but stop to admire it. She had already visited a ‘church’ once since she arrived in this country, but it was far from being as grand and pretty as this one. It’s only after some time gawking at the architecture that she heard the sound of a door opening, which brought her back to reality and reminded her of her original goal for coming here. Obviously, the boy hadn’t waited for her, and so she hurried to run in the direction of the noise. She arrived just in time to see Mell’s flaxen hair, then instantly hid behind the wall and froze in place when she heard a grave, severe voice roars.

“You’re late.”

“I-I’m sorry… I had to get back home because—”

“I don’t give a damn about your reason. Next time you are late, I’ll order the dog here to cut off your head.”

With all the precaution she could muster, Rena leaned very slightly from behind the wall and took a glance of what was going on. Mell was there in front of another closed door, looking like a lamb that had just been cornered by a pack of wolves, and she distinguished two adult men with him. Both of them had peculiar appearances that made them stand out from the majority of the people of this country, and Rena wondered if maybe they were foreigners — the first one because of his dark skin, and the second one because of his unusual features. She also was quick to notice the threatening long sword hanging at his belt. Was that man from the Far East like her? Maybe in other circumstances she would’ve felt a sense of kinship with him, but right now she could only feel suspicion and confusion.

“Then let’s go now, we’re not going to spend the night here,” the man with the wavy hair ordered, while the other one silently stood behind him like a shadow.

All three of them then took out a key from under their clothes and inserted it in the heavy lock that hanged in the middle of the door. After a loud click resonated, the man with the most expansive-looking outfit removed the lock, opened the door and started to climb the stairs, swiftly followed by the other two.

Rena frowned, and hesitated once again. She felt that keeping on trailing them would be making a mistake, and she still had time to go back. She could just leave the mansion right now, and forget about everything. She knew it was the most logical, safest course of actions. But for some reason, her body refused to listen. With uncertain and quiet steps, she opened the door which they thankfully had not locked behind them, and started climbing the stairs.

The circular area seemed infinite, as if this tower leaded directly to heaven. Each of her steps resounded abundantly inside the staircase, no matter how quiet she tried to be, which made her feel anxious Mell or anyone would spot her presence at any seconds. Yet, she managed to reach the top without anyone stopping her, to her surprise.

“Hurry up and go feed her,” was the first thing she heard upon arriving.

“Y-Yes,” Mell squeaked, before quickly hobbling towards the door.

His hands were shaking and he struggled a bit to open the door, which only served to aggravate the annoyance of the disgruntled wavy-haired man. When finally the door opened, Mell reached to take a tray on the ground, then penetrated inside. At this moment, Rena tried her best to get a glance of what was in there without getting noticed. At first, she couldn’t see anything — then she caught sight of a chain on the soil… and she gasped.

At the very bottom of the small room, shackled and curled up on herself, was a girl. Rena couldn’t really tell much from how far she was, but she seemed young, clothed in a dark robe and with long, braided red hair. Her head was bent and hidden in her knees, dissimulating her face. The most noticeable thing was the way her right sleeve was sloppily hanging to her side, completely empty, indicating her missing arm. Rena’s brain shut down, as she felt unable to comprehend the situation that was happening in front of her eyes.

What? What? Why is there a girl chained up at the top of this tower? Why are those three men bringing her food? What on earth is going on here?

Mell approached the girl with shaking steps, and kneeled in front of her.

“It’s… uh, it’s time to eat,” he muttered weakly.

The girl didn’t react. In fact, she didn’t even seem to calculate his presence at all. Mell sighed.

“Come on… You almost didn’t eat anything yesterday either…”

He took a piece of bread and handed it to the girl. As she seemed decided to ignore his very presence, the boy awkwardly tried to push the bread on her mouth, which finally managed to get a reaction out of her. She raised her head and turned it towards him, before glaring at him. Her eyes were so full of hatred that it made even Rena want to step back, but it wasn’t the thing that was the most surprising. The girl’s face… was covered in some weird scars. It looked as if her whole face had been burned, the only exception being her pale golden eyes. Rena felt unable to stop staring at her, as if hypnotized.

Hao… She’s… She’s so kyute! I wanna take her home!

“If she really insist for not eating, then leave her be,” the wavy-haired man said, getting Rena out of her daydream.

“B-But…”

“If she doesn’t eat, she’ll die though,” the swordsman replied, but there was no hint of sympathy in his voice.

“She’ll eat tomorrow. For now, we need to take care of the blood.”

Rena didn’t understand what he meant by that, but judging by Mell’s livid face, it wasn’t anything good.

“I… I can’t—”

“Hmph. You have a lot of demands for someone in your position. But be reassured, I had no intention of asking you to do such a task.”

Instead, he looked at the other man, and made a sharp chin movement.

“As you wish, lord.”

And with this, the swordsman entered the room, while Mell hurried to get up and go away. Just like the boy earlier, he kneeled down next to the girl — but it was not to give her food. Instead, he took out a knife in one hand, and a bowl in the other. Seeing this, the girl had this time an extremely intense reaction. She shrieked and tried to get away as much as she could from the man, almost crushing her body against the wall.

“No! No! Go away!” She screamed, almost hysterically. “S-Stay away from me!”

But the yells didn’t seem to faze the man one bit. He continued to approach her and firmly grabbed her shoulders. The girl started to struggle and scream and scratches at him like an insect caught in a spider’s web. Despite this, the swordsman had no problem immobilizing her, as if he was made of stone, and then plunged the knife in her arm. As red, shiny blood started to flow, he quickly put the bowl under her wound and simply waited. The girl kept on screaming and twitching, but no one reacted to her cries. The swordsman simply drained her blood in silence, the wavy-haired man looked at the scenery with arms crossed and a frown, and the boy seemed to want to run away from the place and forget about all of this. But none of expressed any guilt or sympathy for the girl that was being tortured under their eyes.

Rena also watched in silence, her whole body frozen by the surreal experience that was happening in front of her. Her eyes just couldn’t register what was going on. Or rather, she could understand, but her mind had way too many questions about it. Why were they doing this? Who was that girl? Who were the other men? But the questions felt minimal compared to the screams that were lacerating her ears. Her first reflex was to come in and put a stop to this, but she was well aware that it would be suicidal. Mell probably wouldn’t be too much of a trouble, but the other two were well-built adult men, one of them holding a sword at his waist. No way a lone young girl like her could just overthrow the three of them all at once… not like this, and not right now, at least.

As she was still lost in thoughts, she suddenly felt a gaze pressed on her and her blood froze in her veins. Slowly, she turned her head, and her eyes suddenly crossed the ones of the wavy-haired man. Her body reacted by reflex, and she instantly turned around and ran down the stairs as quickly as she could. Once she reached the chapel, she hurried to join a corridor and hid in the first room she saw. She stayed there in the dark a few minutes, to calm herself down. Then, she slowly opened the door, and glanced outside.

Nothing. There was nothing. No voice, no footsteps, no sounds. That was… odd. She was sure that for a brief instant, that man had seen her. That their gazes had crossed. Rena remembered how the swordsman had called him ‘lord,’ and it indeed had seemed that he was the mastermind behind this whole mess. If this man had noticed a stranger spying on them, surely he would have instantly ordered someone to go take care of her. She couldn’t believe that them draining the blood of a girl was public knowledge, so it certainly must’ve been a secret they didn’t want anyone to know. So why…? Did she just imagine him staring at her, after all?

Voices and footsteps reverberated from the chapel, and she instantly tensed up again. She tried to hear what was being said, but she was too far away to manage to grasp anything. After a while, the silence returned, so she glanced once again from behind the door. Upon looking at the end of the corridor, she noticed someone walking. The place was dark, but the fluffy blonde hair that shined in the obscurity made no doubt that it must’ve been Mell. She saw him stop in front of a door and enter a room. Rena returned inside the chamber she had taken shelter in, and collapsed on the bed.

She had two options. She could just sneak out of the mansion in silence, forget everything she had just saw, and move on with her life. Or… Or what? Infiltrating herself in the tower and save that girl she knew nothing about? That sounded like some silly fairy tale. To begin with, the door was locked. She had seen earlier the men use three keys to open the lock, which each had one. That meant she would need to steal their keys to open the door, gets the girl, and ran away with her, all of that without getting caught. That sounded… pretty much impossible.

She knew what the logical decision should be. This whole thing was none of her business. She knew nothing about this girl, about these men, about this entire affair. For all she knew, maybe they were even doing a good thing! Putting her nose into this would only mean trouble for her; and she was a lone foreigner who barely knew anything about the country. But…

But when she started to think that way, the girl’s screams resonated inside her head. The oppressive atmosphere of the room, the heavy scent of blood. Nellie’s sad face… Did Nellie even know about this? No, probably not. Rena might barely know her, but she couldn’t imagine that girl would agree to keep silent about such an inhuman thing. Once again, those scars-covered face and shining golden eyes flashed into her mind. Rena sighed, and smiled very briefly against the pillow.

“I can never abandon a kyute thing, after all.”

She stood up, grabbed her cleaver with her two hands, then got out of the room.

________________________________________________________________

With all the delicacy of a feline, Rena approached the door behind which she had seen Mell disappears. Nellie had told her that her brother didn’t sleep in the cabin with her, so she guessed it must’ve been his room in them mansion. The lights were turned off. Best case scenario, he would be asleep. Otherwise, well… She tightened her grip on her cleaver, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

The room was dark, but thanks to the light from the corridor she had no troubles to distinguish the bed, nor the boy who suddenly sat up on the mattress. So, he was not asleep. Well, it wasn’t a big deal. Unlike the other two, the boy looked quite spineless, so she shouldn’t struggle too much with him.

“Y-You…!” He exclaimed, recognizing the strange orange-haired foreigner. “Wh-What are you—”

But Rena didn’t let him the time to make any more noise. She didn’t want him to alert the other two right now, if they were still around. So she instantly brandished her cleaver and put it just under Mell’s neck. As soon as he saw the blade, the boy paled and stared at it with wide eyes.

“Keep quiet, and you’ll keep your head,” Rena ordered in a firm voice.

It took a few seconds for Mell to regain his spirits, and when he did, he raised his eyes towards Rena and glared at her.

Oh? Then maybe he’s not as spineless as I thought… Unless he underestimates me?

Well, it didn’t matter what he thought of her. She still objectively had the upper hand here.

“I knew it, you’re trouble after all,” he said, but he was pretty bad at hiding the tremor in his voice. “What did you do to Nellie?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t play innocent! You couldn’t have gotten close to her by coincidence!”

“It was absolutely by coincidence,” she replied genuinely. “And it’s also completely by coincidence I found you three draining this girl’s blood at the top of the tower. What would you little sister thinks of that, I wonder…?”

“You… You don’t intend to tell Nellie—”

“I saw you enter the tower by using three keys. I want the one you have.”

Rena’s tone didn’t vacillate in the slightest and her voice was as threatening as she could, but Mell was completely bewildered. He looked at her as if she had just told him she was a ghost or something.

“You… want to go save her…? Th-That’s impossible!”

“I don’t care what you think. Give me the key.”

“You don’t understand! You can’t open the door without the two other keys that the lord and the swordsman have! M-Maybe you can get the key from me, but those other two, they definitely won’t let you do! They’ll kill you without hesitation, and me too—”

“The. Key.”

She took a step further, putting more pressure on the cleaver’s blade. Mell gasped.

“You… You wouldn’t do that… I did nothing wrong, I’m innocent…”

Rena snorted. “I don’t care. I’m not afraid of killing.”

All while speaking, she gently slashed the blade against the white neck of the boy, and a thin trail of blood trickled on his skin. He shrieked, then instantly reached in one of his cloth’s pocket, before taking out a pretty, golden key.

“I-It’s there! It’s there…”

“Thanks!”

Rena smiled at Mell, her threatening aura instantly vanishing while the boy still stared at her with an astonished face.

“Y-You’re still making a mistake,” he added shakily. “You don’t stand a chance against—”

But he didn’t had the time to finish his sentence that Rena swinged her cleaver and hit him on the head. It was only with the back of the blade, so there was no way it was a fatal hit, just hard enough to knock him out. She still checked just to be sure, and while his forehead was bleeding a bit, he would survive.

“Sorry, I just don’t want to take the risk of you getting in my way…”

All while talking she took the key and put it in her satchel. She’d probably usually think it is a kyute thing she could bring back home, but she wasn’t in the mood for that. After she saves the girl, maybe.

Before stepping out of the room, she glanced one last time at the boy. She didn’t have strong feelings towards him, but she still hoped he’d be able to get out of here alive, if just for Nellie’s sake.

“‘I’m innocent,’ huh…”

She chuckled, then got out and closed the door behind her.

No matter how pitiful Mell’s claims had been, he had actually been right about one thing: it would be a lot harder to obtain the keys from the two other men than from the boy. She had guessed just upon seeing them that threatening their lives wouldn’t be enough — and her instinct was telling her that the swordsman was a lot more skilled as a fighter than she was. She would need to think about a plan to get them, then. The question was what plan. Hopefully they still mustn’t be very far from the house yet, maybe were they even still inside, so she shouldn’t have troubles finding them. She tried to think about the possibility of other people being here too — the ‘Saintess’ came to her mind, but from what she had understood she lived with Nellie so she probably wouldn’t be here this late at night. Unless she was also involved, which made things more complicated. She also remembered the third man was supposedly a ‘lord,’ so shouldn’t he have some guards posted around? But she couldn’t recall seeing any on her way here…

Once again, she really wished her friends were with her right now. Together, they would certainly have come up with a good plan in just a few minutes… But, no, maybe that was too naïve of her. She shouldn’t rely like that on people. She was all alone now, and even if she wasn’t, it was more certain to take of serious matter by yourself. Not even ‘friends’ were always reliable and trustworthy allies, and they could just as much become betrayers who stab you in the back, after all.

“Hey, you there!”

Rena froze. When she turned around, she found herself face to face with the swordsman. Apparently, fate refused to give her a chance to elaborate a plan before having a confrontation. She thought about acting innocent for a moment, but with her cleaver in her right hand, it would be difficult to swallow.

The man narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re… a foreigner, aren’t you?”

His expression told her he mustn’t have seen someone akin to him since a long time. Which wasn’t surprising; in the ten months or so since she’d arrived in this country, she didn’t think she had come cross anyone from the Far East like her.

“I am,” Rena simply answer, seeing no reason to lie here.

The swordsman contemplated her for a moment, then his gaze slid towards the cleaver in her hand.

“What were you doing here?”

Rena tried to think up something to get her out of this situation. But no matter how much she ransacked her brain, nothing came to her. So in the end, she just sighed, and smiled at the man.

“I’m here to save the kyute girl in the tower.”

The swordsman had no reaction at all to her arrogant nonchalance. He just stared at her coldly, before an odd, distorted smirk slowly stretched his lips.

“I see. Then I’m sure the lord won’t mind if I kill you in that case.”

And then, before Rena could retort anything, he drew his sword and ran up towards her. Rena’s body reacted instinctively, and when he raised his weapon to cut her she instantly managed to parry it with her cleaver. The two blades clashed in a metallic ringing, but she didn’t have the time to catch her breath that the man went on with his next attack. He assaulted her with a strong rain of hits, one after another, so swift and sharp that the girl could barely see them at all. She greeted her teeth and glared at him, but the man didn’t seem unsettled in the least.

Rena gave the sword a hit more forceful than previously, and managed to get away momentarily before starting running in the mansion’s corridors. The man instantly chased her down, of course.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He shouted at her from behind. “Are you really running away after talking so big? Let me hear you beg for your life and maybe I’ll consider letting you live!”

Rena stayed quiet, not falling for the preposterous provocations. She wasn’t trying to escape, just to buy some time. She knew that man was stronger physically and more skilled than her, by a large margin. There was no way she could beat him in a face-to-face fight. So she had to find another solution, somehow.

In her dash, she inadvertently ended up finding herself in the chapel again. The stained-glass angel was shining of an ominous light thanks to the moon behind it. However, Rena didn’t have the time to admire it this time, as the swordsman quickly caught up to her, chasing her down like a beast towards his prey. Finding herself cornered, she had no other choice but to yet again fend off his sword in the middle of the bench rows. Right under the angel’s impassive gaze, they kept on exchanging hits after hits.

The girl was defending herself quite well, but there was no doubt as to who had the advantage in this fight. In fact, Rena was pretty sure the man was holding himself back against her, maybe just for his own amusement. She groaned, trying to find the slightest opening she could use… but in her impatience, she let her guard down, which the swordsman didn’t hesitate to profit off. He swung down his sword, and the blade mercilessly cut through the girl’s shoulder. She screamed in pain, then lost her balance and fell down on the ground, letting go of her cleaver at the same time.

Despite the vivid pain and the blood already soaking her clothes, she still had the reflex to rush towards her weapon, but at the last moment the man crushed her hand with his heel. She moaned then threw a glare at him. The only change in his expression was now the clear sick pleasure he had to have the girl at his mercy.

“You run quickly and you do know how to use that weapon, I will give you that,” he said, his voice vibrating with sadism, and Rena was pretty sure it was the first emotion she had felt coming from him since earlier. “But it stops here now.”

She said nothing; not letting an ounce of fear transpiring through her blue eyes, not a single hesitation shaking her body. Just anger. The man narrowed his eyes at her curiously; maybe was it because he had expected her to beg and cry for her life. But Rena would never give him the satisfaction.

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t play much more with you sadly, otherwise I could in troubles. Well then—”

He raised his sword, his eyes shining like a predator’s, while the girl was still lying on the ground, bleeding and gasping painfully. And then he struck it down—

“Wait.”

—but stopped at the last moment. Both he and Rena turned around in surprise, to see the shadow of a man drawing near them — the last one of the three, of course.

“Lord…”

The swordsman seemed almost irritated to have the other man barge in, but he still managed to stay courteous enough. The ‘lord’ didn’t seem to notice or maybe care about it though, he just stared down at the teenage girl on the floor.

“Who is she?” He finally asked. “What is going on here?”

“She is an intruder who knows about the witch,” the swordsman replied, his monotonous, indifferent face back in place.

The witch…? Rena repeated in her head, but didn’t have time to ponder much more about it.

“She knows?”

“She told me she was here to save her. This is why I decided to take care of the problem before it could reach you.”

“And since when a dog acts without his master’s orders? The least you could have done is consulting me about it before making that decision.”

“You’re right… I apologize, lord.”

The swordsman politely inclined himself in front of the lord as a sign of excuse, as Rena watched the scene in silence. The wavy-haired man then eyed her with disdain, and crossed his arms.

“Well, it doesn’t matter much either way. We can’t keep her alive if she knows. So just get rid of her.”

Right at the moment he finished his sentence, Rena seized her chance. With the arrival of the lord, the swordsman had stopped paying so much attention to her, which meant it was the only opening she could have. As quickly as she could, she grabbed her cleaver, got back on her feet and almost jumped on the lord. Before the two men even had the time to react, she was already tightly holding the lord’s arms and had her cleaver’s blade under his neck.

“Don’t move!” She yelled, as the swordsman was reaching for his own weapon. “Don’t move or I cut off his head!”

As if to show she was not kidding, she pressed the blade against the skin of the lord even more. The swordsman frowned. He didn’t try to reach for his sword anymore, but he didn’t seem particularly distraught either.

“Do you think I care even slightly about what might happen to this man?” He asked.

Rena smiled. “Probably not,” she admitted. “But he is your boss, isn’t he? You must be working under him because only he can offer you something. So his death would be pretty inconvenient to you. Am I wrong?”

She certainly wasn’t, because a slight annoyed scowl formed on the swordsman’s face.

“I want you to put your sword on the ground, and make it slide towards me,” Rena ordered. “Or else…”

“Don’t listen to her,” the lord finally spoke. “I doubt a girl like her actually could kill anyone. She’s just playing tough.”

However, the swordsman seemed less certain than his employer. He eyed the girl suspiciously, deliberating her order while staring at her in the eyes. Rena sustained it with determination.

“I don’t want to offend you, lord,” he finally said. “But I think I disagree on that one.”

And then, just as he had been told, he put the weapon on the ground and slides it towards Rena, while the lord sighed heavily. She quickly retrieved it, then threw it as far away as she could without letting go of her hostage.

“Now I want you to come towards us.”

They were about three meters away from each others. The swordsman looked at her once again, then stepped forward. Two meters. One meter. And before he could get even closer, Rena suddenly slashed the lord at the waist, and then with a slick movement of the wrist, she cut the swordsman’s throat with great precision.

Blood splattered. She heard the lord groan in pain and fell on his knees, while the swordsman put both of his hands on his neck in an instinctive attempt to block out the blood. But it was fairly vain, as only a few seconds after he collapsed on the ground. Before it, he glared at the girl, an inhuman shine lurking in his eyes, and she thought his lips parted to say something, but she couldn’t tell what.

She looked at his agonizing body drenched in blood on the floor with an emotionless gaze, then she turned around towards the last man, her cleaver still in hand. He was still on his knees, breathing heavily and holding his wound. Rena stared at him in silence for a long time, before finally speaking out.

“You saw me earlier, didn’t you?”

The man only lifted his head towards her.

“When I was in the tower. You clearly looked at me in the eyes.”

“That… must’ve been your imagination…”

“No, I know you did. You saw me. And yet, you said nothing. It would’ve been easy to chase me down and kill me at that moment. In fact…”

She took a step forward, her gaze not letting go of his.

“It would’ve been easier to just let him kill me earlier too, instead of stopping him. Or to try to disarm me when I was holding you. Even with my cleaver at your neck, you’re still stronger than me physically.”

The man sustained her stare, but he said nothing back.

“Could it be… that you did that on purpose?”

His expression didn’t change at her accusation, as if his face had reverted to a mask of stone. But no matter behind which kind of layers and facets he would hide, Rena was still exceptionally good at reading other people.

“Did you want me to do this? To get the keys and free that girl?”

Finally, a haughty grin formed on the man’s lips.

“Hmph. Don’t be ridiculous. I am the lord. There’s no way on earth I’d ever want to do something as ludicrous as this.”

Rena kept on staring at the lord in silence, her eyes as cold as ice. She knew he was lying. But she also wasn’t exactly interested in getting him to say the truth. Her only goal was to free that girl. The rest didn’t matter.

“Well, I suppose so. Either way, it is none of my business.”

And so, she raised her cleaver once again, and gave the man one final blow. He didn’t try to protest or resist, and just collapsed on the ground like his subordinate. Rena then quickly kneeled besides the two bodies, searching them, and finally retrieved the two last keys, as well as another one which she guessed was for the chains.

The young girl was standing here in the chapel in front of the angel, her white dress all drenched in red, with two barely-alive bodies at her feet.

If she were from this country, she would probably find this to be quite the profane picture.

But she wasn’t, and there was only one thing she was interested in.

________________________________________________________________

She took out the three keys one by one, and slowly inserted them. Her hands were greasy because of the blood — both her own and others’ — but she still delicately handled them. The lock opened right away, she barely had to force at all, and then she pushed the door.

Climbing the circular stairs almost felt ceremonious, and the steps seemed a lot longer than the first time she had came here, as if they had suddenly grown infinite during the instant she was dealing with the three men. It took a few minutes for her to reach the top, and when she did she stopped in front of the closed door. As if nervous, she grabbed her satchel in which she had put away her bloody weapon. Her cleaver wasn’t the only thing covered in blood — her dress, her hair, her entire body were completely dark scarlet, and even if she had managed to stop the bleeding, her wound was still hurting quite a bit. She looked as if she had just been out of a war battlefield. She definitely was far from looking like a brave knight rescuing the princess.

But well, she wasn’t a knight, and that girl wasn’t a princess.

With hesitation, she grabbed the handle and stopped. For some reason, she felt… anxious. Why, she had no idea. She had done all of this just to save this stranger, and now that she was so close to her goal, it felt wrong, somehow. She knew she had to hurry before anyone notice something was off inside that mansion, but her feet refused to move. She didn’t even know how she should greet that girl or what to tell her. What if freeing her was a mistake, after all? What if the best choice was to just run away right now?

Rena shook her head, then breathed in forcefully. That wasn’t the time to hesitate. She couldn’t go back now. So she opened the door.

The dim luminosity hurt her eyes, and it took a few seconds for her to adapt to it. Once she did, the familiar, pitiful scenery she had seen earlier appeared yet again before her, in the exact same state, as if nothing that had just happened had been real. The girl was still there, chained, slumped against the wall. Her eyes were closed. Was she asleep? She seemed to be barely alive, to be honest. She looked more… like a corpse.

Wouldn’t that be funny if Rena had done all of that just for the girl to die at the least moment? But she pushed that thought away and took a step further. At this moment, and to her relief, the girl twitched. She suddenly opened her golden eyes and stared straight through her, making Rena almost jump out of surprise. But with the shook cooling off, she was just glad the girl was definitely still alive.

“Hi,” she said in a friendly tone, smiling gently. “I’m Rena.”

The girl replied nothing. She just kept staring at her vacantly, as if she wasn’t really seeing her.

“Ah, d-don’t worry! I’m not here to hurt you, or— or anything like that,” Rena added hurriedly, waving her hands in front of her. “I’m here to save you!”

But her reassuring words seemed to do nothing for the captive. Rena quickly started to grow uncomfortable, and she tilted her head.

“Can you… hear me? Can you?”

No answer. Rena sighed. Well, she seemed to be really out of it. It probably shouldn’t be surprising given what she’s been through until now. Rena didn’t know since when she had been detained here, but she guessed it must’ve been quite some time. Well, it didn’t matter much if she could speak or understand her or not. She just needed to get her out of here as soon as possible. First, she needed to—

“—el…”

Rena suddenly stopped when a hoarse, barely audible voice resounded inside the dark tower. It took some time for her brain to understand that it was coming from the girl.

“—gel…”

“Huh?”

Her murmurs didn’t even sounds like words, more like some background noises that struggled to get out of her mouth. Rena slowly approached the girl, and kneeled in front of her, putting herself down to her height and staring at her in the eyes. But the girl acted as if she didn’t even see her.

“—angel…”

“Angel…?”

“Are you… angel…?”

Rena blinked with surprise when she realized the question. She wasn’t sure if this was addressed to her exactly. Maybe it was addressed to no one. Even so, she slowly took her hand in hers — a tattered, dirty, covered in scratches small hand.

“I’m sorry… I’m not an angel. I’m just some foreign girl who got lost and wandered around here by mistake.”

The girl became silent again, her golden eyes empty.

“But I’m still going to save you.”

And with that, she searched for the keys she had retrieved on the lord’s body, and freed the girl from the chains. As she expected, this got no reaction out of her, so she then grabbed the only remaining arm, and then, after struggling for a bit, she managed to hoist her on her back. It wasn’t easy to carry another girl of the same age while wounded, even if she was extremely light, but Rena could handle it. She had no other choice.

With fumbling steps, she hurriedly get down the steps, walked through the chapel without doing so much as glancing at the men’s bodies spread there, and finally got out of the mansion, not even the stained-glass angel daring to stop her.

________________________________________________________________

She was bleeding.

Red liquid poured out from her wounds, trickling on her bare skin, sullying her body and the ground. It seemed as if the flow was endless. She felt no pain, though — the throbbing and aching had left her a long time ago, and in its stead there was only numbness and emptiness. Her vision was a blur, her mind a haze. She could only perceive shadows moving in front of her, vague laughing and chuckles, joyful voices rejoicing in her torment, like demons dancing in front of her. If someone had told her she was in Hell, she would have believed them.

But she wasn’t in Hell — this was earth, and those were humans, and maybe this was the most disgusting of truth to face for her. The chains around her wrists bounded her to the altar, preventing any escapes she could have.

Suddenly, the shadows stopped moving, and her surrounding began to scramble. Before her mind could understand what was going on, vivid pain reached her arm, lacerating and pitiless. All sorts of landscapes scrolled in front of her eyes — a carriage full of bloody corpses, a cottage in front of a lake, a mansion, a tower.

And finally, the figure of the lord, always standing in her way.

Despair, agony, betrayal, anguish all agglutinated inside her heart at the same time — but the most powerful of all, the one that overwhelmed everything else—

—was hatred.

She rose up, clutching sorely at the sheets as her eyes darted right and left around her. She felt like she was lost inside a fog, the walls around her waltzing and shrieking as if they had a will of their own. As she painfully tried to regain possession of her broken five senses, yet another shadow took shape to her side, producing sounds.

“—ke… —p…”

But she didn’t even try to decipher what it was saying. There was only one and unique shadow that appeared both in her dreams and reality, after all. The lord.

So she pushed him with all of her forces, making him fall on the ground, and then, desperately groping blindly around her, she was able to feel the cold touch of a blade brush her fingers. Without waiting, she grabbed the handle of what looked like a cleaver and jumped on the silhouette before it could move again. She wasn’t strong enough to actually stand up, but she could still hold a weapon. Or stab someone with it.

“Die!”

That was the first word that escaped her mouth. The most precious wish she had cherished during all these months, the only thing that had kept her alive all this time — her voracious hatred.

“Die! Die…! I’ll— make you pay…! You… You—!”

The lord she was straddling caught the blade with his bare hand, unbothered by the blood that soon trickled down his hand. She tried to get back the cleaver, but his grip was too strong.

“Let… go! I will— I’ll kill you!”

“Given how weak you are, I doubt you’ll be able to even kill a fly like this.”

The voice made her stop instantly. Because this… this wasn’t the lord’s voice.

That person didn’t sound like the cruel man who had haunted her nightmares since she was a child… but like a young girl she didn’t know. No, that wasn’t true, she had heard that voice before—  

“—I’m still going to save you.”

She felt completely lost, and the shadow took the occasion to push her away and get back the cleaver. She collapsed on the ground, and all of a sudden it was as if she was a puppet whose strings had been cut off. She had no strength anymore, and just lay there on the floor, her whole body hot and aching. She heard a few slow steps coming towards her, and soon a face came into her view.

Blue eyes like the sky, and orange hair like the sunset. A sweet smile.

“I’m glad you’re awake! Please wait here, I’ll bring you back something to drink.”

________________________________________________________________

The girl came back in the room a few minutes afterwards with water and bread, and helped Morgana get back into the bed. Well, it wasn’t actually a bed, more like something that looked like an old mattress with some blankets thrown on it. As the other sat next to her, she took the glass of water and stared at it absentmindedly.

“I promise it’s not poisoned,” the girl said in a joyful voice. “It’s just water.”

There was a part of Morgana that felt silly of being suspicious of a simple glass of water… but then she remembered that given she had no idea where she even was, it was only natural. So she still didn’t try to drink it.

“I’m really relieved you woke up and seem well! You slept for almost two days, you know? So I was worried. So, um, well, anyway, I already introduced myself before but you probably don’t remember so… I’m Rena! Hey, what is your na—”

“What happened?”

“Wh-What? What? About what…?”

Morgana let out a big sigh and looked away. She could already tell that girl was going to be hard to deal with.

“About everything.”

“Oh… um, um…”

The girl, Rena, fidgeted with a flustered face, as if she was about to tell a very embarrassing story. After a while, she finally managed a small friendly smile.

“Well, it’s a bit, uh, messy, but I’m a foreigner who got lost, and I found out this church by coincidence. I saw you and those… men in the tower, and so… so… I thought I should do something, you know? You know?”

Morgana stared blankly at her, somehow expecting more. But there was nothing else.

“You make absolutely no sense,” she finally declared. “Why would you randomly decide to help out a complete stranger at the risk of your own life?”

“I-I know it’s not very logical! But, well, I just…” Rena closed her mouth. Looked down. “I just couldn’t do nothing.”

“Yes, you could have. That wouldn’t have been very difficult.”

“Are… Are you actually angry at me for saving you…? Are you?”

“So how did you do it? How did you manage to get past the lock and get me out of the tower? I can’t believe these men cooperated willingly.”

“Oh, that. Well, I just cut them with my cleaver, retrieved the keys and got out of here with you as soon as I could.”

She said all of this with a wide smile, as if it was no big deal at all. Morgana stared at her, expecting her to tell her she was kidding, but nothing came afterwards.

“And?”

“Th-That’s all…?”

“That can’t be all. There’s no way a single girl could overpower three men with just a cleaver.”

“Well, it wasn’t easy, it’s true, but it’s possible. As proof, you wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Morgana felt the urges to yell at her, but managed to stay calm. She didn’t believe her, but she had the sensation that even if she kept asking questions she wouldn’t get another answer. So she breathed in deeply, and tried to gain the most knowledge possible.

“Where are we?”

“Oh… um, I’m not really sure to be honest. I think it must’ve been an old ranch to keep cattle or something, but it seems to have been abandoned for a while. It’s in the middle of the forest, about an hour away from the city. It’s not ideal to hide in, but for now we’ll have to content ourselves with that.”

“What happened to them?”

“The men? Oh… I just knocked out the flaxen-haired boy, so he should be fine, but I dunno what must’ve happened to him afterwards. As for the other two…”

Rena grimaced and looked away. She seemed hesitant to continue speaking, so Morgana had to push her.

“Are they dead?”

“I, uh, I’m not sure? I cut them pretty badly and they were bleeding a lot when I left, but I didn’t actually, um, checked if they were still alive or not…”

“So there’s a chance they’re still alive?”

“Yes… I think.”

“I see… Good.”

“Are you… relieved they’re possibly still alive?”

Morgana snorted at this, which quickly morphed into full on chuckles.

“I suppose you could say that,” she finally blurted out. “Yes… these men, they can’t just die like that… Not after what they did to me…”

She clutched the blanket and her long hair fell in front of her face, darkening her usually pales eyes.

“Dying would be a way too easy fate for them… They need to suffer… Suffer just as much— no, even more than me…”

A fate worse than death. A fate worse than being locked up in a tower and having their blood drained.

A curse — she wanted— needed to inflict a curse upon them, watch their lives slowly get torn apart, one by one—

“Do you intend to take revenge on them?”

Morgana turned her head towards Rena at the sound of her question, and their eyes met. The orange-haired girl was staring at her without saying anything, her face unreadable. She didn’t appear disturbed by Morgana’s grudgeful words in the least, and her question had a surprising innocuous tone to it, as if she had just asked her what was her favorite food.

“Aren’t you… scared of me?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Isn’t that obvious? Because of… my scars.”

“Oh, those!” Rena chuckled. “Not at all! In fact, I think they are really kyute! That was why I wanted to take you home, you know?”

Morgana felt as if she had just been hit with a rock. ‘Cute’…? Did she just call her scars ‘cute’? Was that girl completely insane? Maybe it should’ve made her feel happy, to hear someone call her hideous face ‘cute’ for the first time, but it actually ended up have the opposite effect.

Instead, she felt angry. Like that girl was mocking her. Mocking her suffering, her struggles, and entire life.

She tensed up and grinded her teeth.

“What are you going to do with me now?”

Rena blinked ingenuously and tilted her head. “What?”

“I’m not an idiot. If you saved me, it must’ve been because of personal interest. So what do you want of me?”

“Wh-What? No! Did you think I was lying earlier?”

“Of course. Who would believe such an inane story? I’m betting you must’ve heard about my blood and came here to profit off it.”

Rena frowned, and she seemed to think for a while before replying:

“Your blood… I saw the men drain it from you in the tower. It’s what the church is giving out as medicine, isn’t it? I heard it was called ‘Saint’s Blood,’ but… it’s actual, real blood. Yours.”

Morgana narrowed her eyes, but stayed quiet.

“Did these men kidnap you? I mean, I can’t believe you would’ve ended up in this tower willingly…”

“This is none of your business.”

“I wasn’t lying earlier. I told you the truth, I promise. So the least you could do is told me your story as well, right?”

“Please. Do you honestly want me to believe you just randomly decided to save me, out of the kindness of your heart? What a generous person you are.”

“Is that something that sounds really so impossible to you? That people just do kind things sometimes?”

Of course that was impossible to her. Everyone in her life had only thought of her as a tool and acted kind as a way to profit off her, even her own mother.

And the only people who hadn’t… well, they were dead now. She had absolutely zero reasons to trust this suspicious foreign girl. For all she knew, she wasn’t even the one who had saved her.

And then, suddenly, Rena started to giggle, which made Morgana even tenser.

“You know what? You’re not wrong, actually. I didn’t save you just out of kindness. I’m not a kind person at all, really.”

Her voice sounded a little off, and Morgana felt a chill goes up her chine. Rena stared at her, but there was an odd shine in her blue eyes, something unwell.

“I just thought you looked kyute and wanted to take you home. So I did. That’s all.”

“What… What are you…?”

“But for now, I don’t intend to do anything with you.”

She suddenly stood up, her smile not leaving her face. “After all, you can barely get out of the bed yet, right? I am also wounded, to tell you the truth, so for now we’ll have to stay here for at least a few days. We won’t be able to stay too long, though, because I can’t believe people won’t do anything after what happened to their lord, so afterwards it’d be safer to just leave the region…”

Morgana couldn’t bring herself to say anything as that girl seemed to plan her next few weeks all by herself. She definitely felt irritated and wanted to shut her up and tell to stop taking all these decisions by herself… but the fact was that, she wasn’t wrong.

Morgana could barely walk, she had one arm missing and had lost a huge quantity of blood during the past few months. There was no way she could just go off on her own.

As if she was reading her thoughts, the girl smiled again and told her in a light voice:

“So in any case, it seems we’re stuck together for now, that you like it or not.”

And then she left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving Morgana all alone in the dim room.

________________________________________________________________

It took Morgana at least three days before starting to feel like she was regaining some strength. She still almost couldn’t get out of bed though, so she was spending most of her time in the arranged room, in that bed that wasn’t one, staring at the ceiling and counting the spider webs while she was lost in thought.

Her thoughts, of course, usually came back to what had happened to her. A lot of her memories felt fuzzy, and trying to think too much about it would give her a headache, but she still had managed to retrace the events she had been through in the last few months. Her encounter with the flaxen-haired boy. His betrayal. The beast cutting off her arm and kidnapping her. And finally, discovering it was the lord, out of everyone, that had been behind all of this, for some disgusting greedy plan of using her blood yet again.

Just recounting all of this made her hatred feel stronger than ever, but at the same time, it all felt surreal, as if she had dreamed everything up. As if it was a story she had read somewhere and not something that had actually happened to her. But her missing arm was a sore reminder that all of this was true.

She wanted revenge. That was the thing that had been on her mind all these long, insufferable days inside that tower. She wanted to kill them. Tear out their eyes. Stab their stomachs and watch them bleed to death. Just made them suffer, as much as possible, and by her own hands.

But despite how overwhelming her anger and hatred was… she still felt that slight pang of guilt at this. Not because she pitied the men, but because wishing harm upon others would just go against her very identity as a saint. Saints were martyrs. It didn’t matter how much humans could hurt them, they had no right to retaliate in any way, because they were pure and selfless.

But could she really call herself a saint, after how much she had been mutilated and tainted and mangled?

(Had she ever been a saint to begin with, though?)

“Hey! Lunch’s ready!”

Her door brusquely opened, and a smiling young girl burst into the room with a tray full of food.

“I tried to make something new today, I hope you like it! Sorry, I’m not too used to the food of this country yet, so hopefully it’s not so bad…”

The girl kept babbling happily while sitting next to Morgana, not seeming bothered in the least by her glare. She had acted like that for the past few days, as if the two of them were friends and not strangers clearly suspicious of each others.

Rena was a weird girl. She was a cheerful, friendly person, and despite how coldly Morgana treated her or how much she tried to ignore her she kept talking and taking care of her with a sweet smile on her face. From time to time, she’d have odd reactions like getting flustered about the most ridiculous of things or getting lost in thought and fawning about things that escaped common sense. She wasn’t afraid or disgusted by her scars, either. She loved cooking and pampering her and ran around the abandoned ranch energetically despite her own wound.

She had told her some vague information about her, how she came from a country in the Far East and had been here for business with her father and how they got separated, but she never gave any details about it.

In a way, Rena reminded Morgana a little of her time at the brothel, as a weird mix of the blonde woman who acted as a big sister to everyone and the exhaustingly cheerful dark-skinned girl. (But no matter how she tried, she couldn’t remember their names, or even their faces.)

And all of this, actually, made Morgana more uncomfortable than anything. She actually would’ve preferred that Rena treat her coldly rather than that, it would’ve been less tiring and unpredictable. Because she was sure these acts of kindness and friendliness would end soon enough, at any moments.

There was something… dark lurking in Rena’s shadows, in the deepness of her blue eyes, and that darkness couldn’t help but make Morgana suspicious of her whenever she’d smiles at her.

“You don’t eat?”

Rena asked her with a worried look, as she was biting into her own piece of bread.

“I’m not hungry.”

“No, that’s not good! You have to eat, otherwise you won’t get better.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get better. Maybe I just want to stay here and wither away all alone.”

Rena’s happy smile fell from her lips, and instead a frown darkened her face. This was a serious expression she would take sometimes, when Morgana acted a bit too cold towards her.

“No, you won’t,” she said, and it almost sounded like an order. “You will eat now. I didn’t prepare all of that for you to waste it, and I didn’t save your life for you die now.”

“I never asked you to prepare this, or to save my life, for that matter.”

“So you would’ve preferred to stay in that tower and die all alone there?”

Of course not, who would want that? Morgana almost spat out, but she restrained her tongue.

Certainly, she wasn’t content with her situation right now and it was more than frustrating to be at the mercy of this weird, suspicious stranger… but she knew there were still worse fates. Like being chained up on that altar under the cruel mad eyes of a lord. Or dying little by little in a tower without anyone even knowing about it.

She sighed, then after a few moments, finally grasped the fork Rena was holding out to her and piqued inside her plate. She made a point to not look at the other girl, but she could still guess her satisfied smile on her face, which pissed her off. She had the reflex to want to use her second arm, before having the painful realization she could never do so ever again. She still wasn’t used to this, and with the pain having fading away, she sometimes had the sensation to still have it.

Her life would never be like before ever again. She already knew that of course, and it wasn’t the first time she had experienced that feeling, but right now she felt even more lost and disoriented.

She had her hypothetic revenge to keep her alive, sure. But then what? What was she supposed to do after that? She couldn’t go back to being the witch of the lake selling herbs to whoever would dare to come. She just…

“Do you want me to help you eat?”

Morgana glared at Rena. “I am not a child,” she dryly replied. “Don’t treat me like one.”

“A-Ah, sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, uh…”

Morgana angrily started eating her food while Rena fell quiet, her cheeks as red as a tomato. Their meals were generally just a handful of vegetables and bread, or sometimes potages. Which was comprehensible given they were technically in hiding, so Rena couldn’t go in town often to buy supplies. Furthermore, they had no money.

Well… I don’t have money. I actually don’t know about her… That’s right, how did she even get the flour for the bread? And the dishes?

“So, um, don’t you think it’s time for you to tell me now?”

Morgana stopped eating, and looked up at Rena strangely.

“What?”

“I want to know your name,” Rena specified gently. “And, well… I’d like you to tell me a bit more about you, too. Like, what were you doing before getting… in that tower? Don’t you have any family?”

“You don’t need to know my name.”

“But I told you mine. You can’t risk much by telling me your name, right?”

Well, she had a point. But the last person she had trust with her name had betrayed her and she found herself with one arm missing locked up in a mansion.

“I… don’t have any family,” she finally decided to say. “Before that, I lived by myself in a small cottage near a lake.”

“Oh. That sounds… lonely.”

Rena grimaced while saying this, and the idea of being pitied by that girl felt incredibly insulting for some reason.

“And then those men kidnapped you?”

“Yes… Well the beas— the swordsman did. The flaxen-haired boy lured me in so he could have my arm. It was all under the lord’s orders.”

“Hmm…”

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to tell her all of that, but those were all things she could’ve guessed by herself anyway. More than anything, Morgana still expected her to ask her information about her blood, and then to give some to her… But apparently that wasn’t even something that crossed Rena’s mind.

“Don’t you have any friends either?”

“What? No… Why would you demand that?”

“Well, for nothing? I did have a nice group of friends back in my village, you know. We were pretty close, I think… I think.”

For some reason, her gaze became a bit vacant, as if she was doubting her own words.

“Then what happened to them?”

“Nothing… They’re still back in my village.”

And then she stayed unusually quiet. Not like Morgana was all that interested in knowing more about this girl or her so-called friends, anyway.

“So, so! You finished eating, right? Let me bring all that back, then!”

“Ah— Wait—”

Morgana tried to grab Rena to stop her, but she missed her and instead fell on the ground. She heard Rena gasp loudly and run towards her instantly.

“A-Are you okay? Are you? O-Oh, wait, I’ll help you get up, I’ll—”

“I’m okay! I’m okay…”

Morgana raised herself up with her only elbow, and grinded her teeth at how difficult it was without her other one. Rena stared at her worryingly.

“How did you fall so bad…?”

“It’s… my arm, I think…”

“Huh?”

“I’m… still not used to it, so I lost balance… It’s nothing.”

“Oh…”

Morgana instinctively brought a hand to her shoulder, where the rest of the arm should have been. It felt so off. So wrong, to have just an empty space here, and it made her stomach turn. They both sat on the ground face to face, without saying anything for a moment. It felt too awkward, for some reason. Then, suddenly, Rena broke the silence:

“You want me to bring it back to you?”

Morgana almost strangled herself.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You said the one who took it was that boy Mell, right? Then I could go ask him to give it back.”

“Y-You want to bring me back my arm?”

“Yes? That’s a bad idea?”

“D-Do you even hear yourself? That’s insane. Even if you were to get it back somehow, what would I do with it now?”

Rena put a finger on her lip, and tilted her head innocently. “Sew it back?”

“You’re completely crazy!”

Morgana shouted at her, and the process made her whole body hurts. She coughed a little, and then heard a giggle. When she raised her head, the other girl was laughing softly.

“It’s the first time I see you getting angry like that,” she simply said, smiling. “Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s the first time I see you having any kind of emotion at all… Well, except for glaring at me. Does that count as an ‘emotion’? Does it…?”

Wait. Could it be… that she said all those inane things on purpose? To makes me react?

Morgana stared at Rena blankly for a moment… then she snorted.

“You are really weird,” she mumbled.

“Hmhmm, I know.”

Maybe… being at the mercy of this strange girl wasn’t the worst of fate. Maybe it was something she could actually survive, this time. She sighed, then looked up at Rena.

“I… am Morgana,” she said softly.

Rena blinked at her in astonishment, her mouth opening so wide an entire apple could fit in it.

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t trust you in the slightest. But like you said, it would be pretty awkward if I was the only one knowing your name…”

A big, silly smile brightened Rena’s face. She giggled yet again and nodded happily.

“Your name ends just like mine,” was the only comment she made.

________________________________________________________________

“—ou think?”

“Huh…?”

Morgana gasped, and looked around her with agitation. Rena was in front of her, looking strangely at her.

“Morgana? A-Are you okay…?” She asked warily.

“I-I… ah…”

The first thing she saw was a blinding light. There was a soft wind brushing her skin. Her eyes stung and it took her a few long seconds to make sense of her surroundings. She was outside, in front of the ranch. The entire area was covered by enormous trees, so the place felt fairly dark, but some sunlight still managed to pierce the foliage. In a way, it gave her a sense of security, as if no one would ever be able to find them here.

Morgana was drowsy and numb, her mind a mess, as if she had just wake up from a particularly deep slumber. The sudden light made her feel a bit dizzy and she quickly sat on a rock nearby to not stumble, under Rena’s worried gaze. What was she doing here…? She remembered waking up this morning, eating lunch, and then… then nothing came to her mind, like she had just blanked out.

“Hey, what’s going on…?” Rena asked again.

“I’m… fine,” Morgana blurted out, massaging her temples. “What… uh, what are we doing here?”

Rena blinked, a clear confusing sprouting on her face. “What? What do you mean?”

“I… mean what I mean. Why are we outside?”

But her precision only seemed to worsen the situation. Rena looked at her as if she had told her the world was going to get destroyed.

“We… um, u-um, th-that’s… I mean, well, uh, you— you don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

“Ah, a-after lunch I proposed we go outside for a bit, and you accepted, and we were just talking about what we would do if it started raining…”

This time, it was Morgana who was confused. She stared at Rena as if expecting her to explain the situation, but manifestly the other girl didn’t understand any more than her.

“You… really forget?” Rena asked again. “Y-You were talking with me normally up until now though…”

“I… was?”

She had no recollections of such a thing, though. After lunch, she had no recollections at all. What had happened? Had she really just… blanked out? She breathed in, trying to regain her calm and reflect about this logically. Now that she was thinking about it… this wasn’t really the first time this happened. She had vague memories of experiencing something similar as a child during her time at the brothel, but she was pretty sure it had stopped after she started living at the cottage. Or, well, maybe it did happen again, but given most of the time she was alone it was hard to tell…

“Morgana…?”

But in any case, it wasn’t something she needed to tell Rena about.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing important.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yes. Forget about it.”

Rena stared at her for a while. It was obvious she wasn’t convinced at all, but still one of her usual smile blossomed on her face and she nodded.

“All right! Well, I’m just glad you’re able to walk and go out by yourself now. I’m sure you’ll be full of energy in no time!”

“I have… never been ‘full of energy’…”

Rena laughed light-heartedly and started to spun and bounces on her legs, as if practicing some sort of weird dance. Morgana sighed. Just watching her move like that was tiring to her. But… in the last few days, she had managed to get used to it. Sort of.

“What about you?”

Rena stopped moving and looked at Morgana interrogatively.

“What?”

“You were wounded too, right? At the shoulder, if I recall.”

“Ooh! That! Haha, I’m okay, I’m okay!”

“It seemed like it was a pretty severe injury, though…”

“It did hurt quite badly, but I’ve always recovered very quickly! I’m tougher than I look, you know? You know?”

“Is that so…”

“Were you worried about me?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

Rena laughed yet again, and Morgana rolled her eyes, and it seemed it had pretty much been their relationships since at least their first conversation.

“And…” Morgana started again, a bit hesitantly. “What do you intend to do now? Didn’t you want to find you way back? To search your father?”

“Hmm…” Rena crossed her arms, a pensive look on her face. “I guess so. Yeah, that’s probably what I’ll do, once you’re completely fine again.”

“You don’t seem convinced… Aren’t you worried about your father?”

“I think he’s fine… He’s a bit clumsy, but he’s still a grown up, you know.”

Even so, Morgana thought she was talking about him in a weird detached way, like he was some random neighbor or distant relative she didn’t know well.

“Aren’t you very close?”

“We are! Of course I’m worried. I’m just… I dunno. Maybe it’s just better that way, because I can’t really go back to him, or to my village…”

“Why? What about your mother?”

“My mother’s gone.”

A smile was still on her face, but it was a cold one. It made Morgana uncomfortable, and she understood she wouldn’t be able to get anything more out of her about this. The more she tried to learn about Rena, and the more mysterious she felt. It was almost frustrating…

“Anyway, how about we play a game?”

Morgana felt startled at Rena’s sudden change of mood and proposition. At the very least, she couldn’t say she was bored with that girl…

“A game?”

“Yeah! Look, I have this with me…” All while talking, she began to look through her satchel and pulled out what looked like a deck of cards. “One of my friends, you see, is a big game collector, and she gave this to me before we come here. The rules are really easy! Wanna try?”

“I don’t like games.”

Rena looked suddenly horrified, as if Morgana had given her a death sentence.

“You’re kidding, right? Right? There’s no way anyone dislike games!”

“Well, I do,” Morgana added. “I never even played one.”

Back in her village, the other kids would never approach her. At the brothel, maybe some of the prostitutes had proposed her to play some simple games with them at times, or the slave man had tried to get her to play with other children her age, but she had always refused. As the daughter of God, she couldn’t let herself be associated with such baseless entertainments.

“N-Never?” Rena sounded even more shocked. “Not even when you were a child?”

“No, I never had any interest in that. It is just meaningless.”

At this moment, Rena’s expression changed. Her face grew serious, and she frowned, as if Morgana had said something particularly offensive.

“It is not meaningless,” she declared, in a tone so serious Morgana wasn’t even able to retort anything. “Games are so important. They can bring so many things to people. So many things! If you have never even played one once, then there’s no way you could be able to understand that.”

Morgana felt bewildered. Why did she seem so angry about something ridiculous like that? Wasn’t that just a game? But before she could say anything, Rena fiercely grabbed her hand, forcing her to stand up, and dragged her inside the ranch.

“I’ll show you!” She said with determination.

“Wh-What?”

“We’ll play together! Whether you want it or not!”

Morgana felt like yelling at her, but for some reason the strength of Rena’s hand holding hers and the firmness of her steps felt undefeatable. So she let herself got dragged inside, sat on a bench and watched the other spread the cards in front of her without saying a word.

Rena explained the rules to her in a confident voice, as if she had done this her entire life (maybe she had, after all). The rules were, indeed, fairly simple: the cards had all different colors with some cute animals drawn on them. There was also a few characters on them which Morgana guessed were in Rena’s country language, but she told her it was just the names of the animals and not necessary to the game. To win you had to get rid of all the cards.

She was given one mercy round to get used to the game, but when things actually started Morgana quickly realized behind her sweet façade, Rena was extremely ruthless. She may be an airhead, slow girl in appearance, but she was in reality pretty shrewd.

“You have to cheat,” Morgana suddenly said after losing for the eighth time. “It’s not possible to win so many times.”

“I did not! I’m just really good at this game, and you’re not.”

“You liar. I refuse to play against you again until you tell me your trick!”

At this moment, Rena smiled maliciously, and looked at her with a mix between amusement and endearment, which felt incredibly condescending.

“Wh-What?”

“You know, despite the fact you act so composed and mature most of the time, you’re actually a really sore loser.”

Morgana felt her cheeks flare up, and never did she felt as glad that her hideous scars were there as now to cover up that fact.

“That’s quite the accusation, I am certainly not a sore loser. I think this is fair of me to ask for a proof that you are not cheating.”

But Rena simply starting laughing and Morgana suddenly felt like a flustered child trying to deal with a bully.

“S-Stop making fun of me!”

“Haooo, you’re so kyute! I wanna take you home! Ah, but I guess we’re already home, huh… Then can I hug you? Can I?”

“No. Stop that, you are grossing me out.”

“H-Hao… How mean…”

“I already told you to stop treating me like a child.”

“S-Sorry! You’re just… really making me think of one of my friends right now. She was also quite the sore loser.”

“Like I said, I am not—”

Morgana stopped, and let out a deep sigh. Evidently, Rena would not listen to her no matter what she said. The other girl giggled a little, and then an odd, nostalgic smile stretched her lips.

“My friends and I, we used to play these games all the time. We would gather everyday and play together like that… It was fun.”

For a few seconds, she seemed lost in thought, as if thinking back about her hometown. Then she looked up at Morgana, this time with a gentle smile directed at her.

“It felt a little like when I played with them right now,” she admitted. “It was fun too. Thank you.”

Morgana only looked away while restraining another sigh. She couldn’t say she had ‘fun,’ — she even felt quite annoyed she hadn’t been able to win even once — but… it had not been a bad experience. She would never bring herself to say this to Rena, though. Or to anyone, for that matter.

“You sounded close,” she suddenly blurted out, without looking at Rena in the eyes. “With your friends.”

“Yeah… I guess…”

“You ‘guess’?”

This time, it was Rena who looked away — not out of embarrass or shame, but in a contemplative way. Her face was neutral, as if all emotions had left her.

“I think… other people are quite weird, you see. I like my friends, but we were only just playing around together. We were close while laughing, joking, messing around… But…” She stopped. “When things actually started to get rough, I still was unable to believe in them and ask for their help. I couldn’t help feeling they’d betray me anyway. I was stabbed in the back like that in the past, you see.”

Morgana almost felt like Rena was more talking to herself than anyone else, so she simply listened to her in silence.

“I wanted to be… happy. And I thought I was happy, in my village. I was around people I loved and who loved me. But sometimes I just wonder if it all wasn’t just some façade. A factice happiness, maybe. Or maybe it’s just all part of Oyashiro’s curse too…”

She turned her head towards Morgana, and smiled at her in an odd self-deprecating manner.

“What is happiness, though? How do you know when you are truly happy?”

Morgana was unable to answer to that.

________________________________________________________________

The lord was laughing.

His voice was strident and raucous, rasping her ears, piercing her mind. But she couldn’t do anything, couldn’t stop listening to it. The ground seemed to get loose with each chuckles, and the walls appeared to want to swallow her alive. Everything was hurting, aching, crashing. She wanted to scream, but her throat didn’t even allow her that.

“No tears — now that’s a good girl. Dignified and saintly — that’s what I need you to be.”

Mangled words resounded in her head, but she couldn’t make any sense of them. The only thing she could feel were the chains around her ankle, and the vivid, unbearable pain in her arm.

It hurts, it hurts, it all hurts so much — and it was all their fault — those three disgusting men. The lord.

That’s right, she had swore to get her revenge against them, to get their heads, for what they had dared to do to her. They locked her up — she who was a saint, the daughter of God — and treated her even worse than cattle — made her a witch, draining her blood day after day until nothing was left of her…

Everything was hurting her, this whole world was worse than Hell itself — and the only way for it to end was to finally kill her torturers.

I wasn’t born to spend my whole life suffering—

She woke up with a start, gasping for air and feeling nauseous. Her entire body was trembling and she couldn’t breathe. She felt like a fish out of water and her mind, still trapped inside that tower, could see nothing but blood and chains and death. Her surroundings was spinning around her, but in a desperate attempt to make a term to her suffering, she jumped out of bed and ran outside the ranch.

It was pitch dark outside, even barely any stars shined in the sky, and the giant trees in front of her looked more like demons ready to tear out her soul at any moment. Yet, she kept running into the woods, bare feet, not caring about the way her long red hair got caught in the branches or how her skin got scratched. The feeling felt familiar, like an odd sensation of déjà-vu, and for a moment she thought she was back to being eleven years old in the slums, running without any goal in the middle of the narrow streets.

(Except this time, no kind young man would come calm her down and carry her on his back to show her the sunrise—)

She only managed to stop when her legs stopped supporting her and she collapsed on the ground. Leaning on the trunk of a tree, she kneeled down, coughed, and finally threw up everything she had in her stomach. It was as if she was trying to evacuate all the horrifying events she had gone through, trying to purify herself from all the pain and suffering and hatred. When she finally stopped, she felt empty — both in her stomach and in her heart. With no strength, she simply lay down against the trunk and stopped moving, before slowly closing her eyes.

Suicide was a sin and she would never even consider this an option, no matter how tainted she was, but in this very instant… she honestly wished she could just die. Just slowly fall asleep here, and never open her eyes again…

Unfortunately, fate wasn’t on her side, as instead she heard noise that instantly got her out of her slumber. She immediately turned around, and in the horizon, she saw some vague small lights. There were footsteps, too. And voices.

Who on earth could be out there in the woods this late at night? The will to know the answer to this question was stronger than her exhaustion and numbness, and she gathered all of her strength left to stand up and slowly approach the lights. After a few moment, she noticed apparently a group of men — at least four of them, on horses, with torches.

Actually, those weren’t simple men. They were wearing heavy armors, and swords — which meant they were likely knights or guards. At first, she didn’t think much of it. These men were working for the Church generally after all, weren’t they? Anyone serving God was deserving of respect. But then she suddenly remembered that actually, there was another authority they listened under other than the Church: the lord.

At this moment, a chill ran down her spine and she instantly backed away. A part of her wanted to believe it was only a coincidence. But it would be too naïve a way of thinking. Why would a group of guards wander in the middle of the woods at night? If the lord had survived, then there was only one answer…

They were searching for the witch that had escaped the lord’s clutches.

Panic grasping her, she started to run yet again despite how much pain her legs was in, but this time in the inverse direction. She traversed the forest with even more speed than earlier while her heart was beating so strong in her chest she thought it was about to explode and that her mind was only focused on one thing: that she didn’t want to go back there. She didn’t want to go back in the tower, not back to being chained and getting her blood drained. She’d rather get killed horribly than this.

The ranch appeared in sight rather quickly, but it was barely a relief at all, and she entered it before slamming the door behind her. There, she had only the strength to fall on the floor, gasping painfully.

Why was this happening? How did these men manage to arrive there? It had been about two weeks since her escape, but still, it felt too early. How were they able to find them in the middle of these lost woods? Had someone told them? Had someone—

“Morgana?”

A sweet voice got her out of her thoughts, and when she raised her head, Rena was here, in a pink nightgown, holding a candle.

Rena.

“Is everything okay? I heard noise…”

There were only the two of them here, after all.

“Morgana…?”

With some strength she didn’t know she still possessed, Morgana stood up, grabbed the cleaver that rested against the wall, and jumped on Rena. The candle crashed onto the floor, plunging them in darkness — only the dim moon through the window lightened the room. It was like a reenactment of their first meeting, except this time Morgana was fully aware who she was threatening with the blade.

“What are—”

“Shut up! You’re the one who warned them, right?”

Rena’s blue eyes, shining like jewels under the moon, widened like saucers.

“Them?”

“I knew it! You were suspicious from the start! Of course you’d do something like that!”

“I have no idea what you—”

“Stop lying now! I knew you’d betray me!”

An odd expression spread across Rena’s face that Morgana couldn’t exactly identify, but she had no intention to anyway. Anger and panic and fear all overwhelmed her mind and reason, and flashes of the flaxen-haired boy and of his kind smile and sweet words turned in a circle inside her head.

This girl was just like him, after all. Her smile was only there to trick her, and all of her words were honeyed poison.

“Calm down, you don’t make any sense,” Rena talked again. “Think about it, why would I—”

“I told you to stop lying!”

Morgana raised the cleaver and lowered it towards the other girl’s neck, but she managed to block out the blade and kick her in the stomach with her knee. Morgana momentarily coughed and lost balance, giving Rena enough time to got away from her and stood back up, but she didn’t let this rattle her. Quickly getting back on her knees, she yet again swung the cleaver at Rena, who avoided it by only a few margins.

“Stop that! You might be better now, but there’s no way you can win against me with my own cleaver!”

But Morgana couldn’t care less about Rena’s words. That girl was just like the three men. No, maybe she was worse — because she had actually tried to save her and gain her esteem before throwing her back into hell.

She wouldn’t forgive her. Not Rena, not the lord, not the three men, not anyone—

She kept swinging the cleaver at Rena, again and again, destroying quite a few of the woodwork in the process, but the girl was as agile as a cat and managed to get away from her hits with only a few cuts.

She couldn’t forgive, because that was all she had left now.

Everything else had been taken from her.

Her identity, her life, her possible happiness and future… everything had been crushed at the hands of humans.

Everything was just unfair and cruel and disgusting.

“Just… disappears!”

For some unfathomable reason, her Father had just abandoned her.

No… maybe he had never been at her side from the beginning.

Maybe her mother had been right. Maybe she was not the child of God, but of some devil.

Maybe she truly was a witch, after all—

“Die!”

Finally, blood splashed onto her face and dress. It looked black under the moon. She had hit Rena on her left hip, which made her let out a constricted moan while glaring at Morgana, before putting her back against the wall and letting herself fall on the ground. Morgana looked down at her coldly, taking slow steps towards her.

The girl was completely at her mercy. There was no way she could defend herself with such a wound. She would probably bleed to death if she left her like that too. Yet, Rena’s eyes showed no fear. It was as if death wasn’t something that even crossed her mind… or maybe it did, but it wasn’t something she cared about. Well, it was fine either way.

She raised the cleaver one last time, her eyes glaring down at the gasping girl.

She saw the flaxen-haired boy figure in her stead. The beast’s. The lord’s.

Her hands tightened around the handle, and she lowered it.

But the blade didn’t hit Rena at all.

Instead, it planted itself inside the wooden ground next to her.

Morgana was shaking. Her trembling hands let go of the cleaver, and she fell on her knees, her long hair scattering around her like a veil. A long silence swallowed the room, where even barely their breathing could be heard.

“What are you doing?” Rena suddenly asked softly.

Morgana shook her head.

“I have… no idea…”

She plunged her face in her hands.

“I have… honestly no idea at all. I don’t know what I should be doing anymore… I lived all my life being so sure of who I was and what I should be doing, but now… I have nothing of that anymore… The only thing I desire is revenge, but I don’t even think I have the strength to get it…”

She didn’t know why she suddenly bared her heart like that. Maybe she wasn’t really talking to Rena. Maybe she was just letting out feelings that had been swarming inside her head for the past days… no, maybe even for the past months and years.

“I really… don’t know what I should be doing from now on anymore… I feel—”

—like the entire hate me. Like God Himself hates me. Like fate and the universe have just decided to make me miserable for the rest of my pitiful life.

‘I wasn’t born to spend my whole life suffering,’ she had yelled in her heart, as hatred and anger and despair boiled inside her…

But what was she born for exactly?

“I feel… cursed.”

Another silence — no sounds, no noise to disturb her intimate monologue. Until a giggle break the moment. Morgana lifted her head slowly, and stared with confusion at the girl who was chuckling heartily as if she had just said the funniest joke ever.

“What a coincidence,” she finally said. “I am cursed too.”

Morgana blinked, her eyes stinging. She wasn’t crying, though — she felt as if all of her tears had left her a long time ago already, maybe when she had been brought inside that tower — and now she was just completely empty.

But in this moment, the girl in front of her looked just as empty and lost as her.

“I might… have lied to you a little,” Rena suddenly admitted. “I didn’t actually come here with my father.”

Her gaze lifted up towards the moon behind Morgana, as if to help her focus.

“There’s a deity called Oyashiro in my village, you see. She protects it and its inhabitants, and prevents any strangers to come in. But, on the other hand, there is also an unspoken rule you are not allowed to leave the village or you’d trigger her wrath.”

“A… deity?”

“I know in your country there is only one God who rules everything, but in mine, we have different faiths. Our ‘deities’ are not really the same as yours, but at least I know Oyashiro is real. She spoke to me, quite a few times. And she also cursed me.”

Morgana restrained her instinctive envy to say this was nonsense and that there was only one God in this universe, as stating the contrary felt like a personal insult to her. But she felt too exhausted to fight Rena on this, and just wanted to keep hearing the rest of the story. Maybe Rena guessed her train of thoughts, and Morgana wondered if maybe denying her village’s ‘deity’ would feel like an insult to her too, but she made no comments about it.

“Why did she curse you? Oh… Because you left.”

“Yes, though I was cursed before that. As a child, my family left the village to find jobs in a bigger city. I’ve lived there a few years, but then my mother… left,” she said, spiting the word, and Morgana felt there was a lot of grudge in that sentence, but she didn’t ask about it. “So my father and I came back. And then I thought it would be okay. It was, for some time. I met my friends. I thought I’d be happy again. But… Dad was still jobless, and in the end, he attracted the attention of some bad people.”

Her eyes darkened, and she clenched her jaw.

“These people wanted to use him. They wanted to take away my happiness. So I had to do everything I could to prevent this. I had to.”

“What did you do?”

Rena stared straight into Morgana’s eyes, her gaze resolute.

“I killed them.”

This should’ve come off as a surprised. This should’ve shocked Morgana to her core. But for some reason, it didn’t. Maybe she had already understood, somewhere deep inside, that this girl was a killer.

“But… I suppose I made a mistake. Or maybe that was just the curse. I think, some people related to the two I killed discovered it, and tried to come after me. I was knocked out, and when I came back to myself I was inside a boat’s hold, chained up, with a lot of other people.”

The blurry image of the aftermath of the brothel’s raid flashed through Morgana’s mind, as she was tied up inside that carriage with all those other strangers… just before the beast slaughtered all of them.

“Slave traders?” She asked.

“I’m not sure,” Rena added. “I was dragged around for quite some time, in boat and carriage, and thankfully none of them thought of checking my satchel. So when I got the occasion, I slashed them up and escaped. And that’s how I ended up here.”

Morgana sighed. She could understand why Rena would make up that lie, it certainly wasn’t a story she could to tell to everybody.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get back to my village, and even if I do… with what I did, I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever gain my happy life back anyway.” She chuckled. “Well, that’s something I’ve always known. Happy days never last.”

That was something Morgana could relate to all too well, and she hated how much similarities she could find in Rena’s words. The girl in front of her had just admitted to her she was a killer, a sinner of the worst category. It was disgusting and almost above salvation. And yet… she felt no disgust towards her at all. Only…

Maybe only something akin to sympathy.

That just illustrated how far she had fallen. But right now, she didn’t care all that much about it.

Without saying a word, she rose up, disappeared in the other room and came back her hands full of bandages. Rena watched her kneel besides her and starting to clean up her wound.

“What are you doing…?”

“Isn’t that obvious? I’m treating you. We can’t stay here any longer. I spotted some guards afar from here, and I bet they’re working for the lord. We need to get out of here before that.”

“Oh… so that’s why you suddenly panicked.” Rena chuckled. “Do you not think I betrayed you anymore?”

Morgana stopped her treatment, her eyes staring fixedly at the ground.

“I don’t know,” Morgana admitted. “You’re a killer and a sinner. I cannot trust you.”

“I bet,” Rena said, and there was clear amusement in her voice.

Morgana wondered how she managed to use a joking tone with such a heavy wound, but then again, she had been able to narrate her entire life story without so much as flinching despite it.

“But,” she added, still without looking at the other girl in the eyes. “I… can’t let you die here.”

“Really?”

“Take this as thanks for you saving me from the tower.”

“It’s you who inflicted this wound on me, though…”

“I won’t apologize for that, if that’s what you’re expecting. I still think my suspicions were fair enough.”

Rena opened her mouth to reply, but instead she just let out a moan as Morgana started to apply the bandage.

“You’re really rough,” she complained.

“I’m more used to handle dead bodies.”

“You what?”

“It’s nothing… For now, this should okay. We can’t spend any more time here anyway.”

All while talking, she helped Rena to stand up by handing her a shoulder and letting her lean on her body. Morgana was far from being a strong girl, so supporting the other weight of another human was quite the struggle for her. She thought about how Rena must have carried her all by herself from the tower to here, and wondered how on earth she managed to accomplish such a prowess. She certainly didn’t look any physically stronger than her.

Am I really starting to trust her words now? Stop being silly, Morgana.

But despite lecturing herself, she still gathered all of her strength to help out support the other girl as best as she could. As they slowly passed by the window, they could see a few lights twinkling in the distance. The guards had probably noticed the ranch by now, and were starting to approach dangerously close to it.

“They seem to be quite a few…”

“I’ve seen at least four of them earlier. Let’s hurry.”

In spite of these words, they couldn’t exactly run with Rena in this condition, and Morgana could hear her hiss and groan with each steps they took. She knew her wound was still bleeding too, but now was too late to regret her hysterical episode from earlier. She still thanked God that the ranch had a back door, and they managed to reach it after a few minutes of hobbling, finally leaving behind the dilapidated habitation they had occupied for the last weeks.

Once outside, they staggered a little in the middle of the forest, then took a pause against a large trunk. Rena was already gasping heavily, and they hadn’t even been walking for five minutes.

“How’s your wound?”

“Pretty bad,” she groaned. “I… doubt I’ll be able to run away from them like that.”

“We don’t have a choice, though.”

“You have a choice, however. You could just leave me here.”

“Not interested.”

Rena chuckled. “You really are a sore loser.”

“Shut up.”

Morgana sighed and sat down next to Rena, and the two of them stayed quiet for quite some time.

“You’re really okay with taking the risk to get back inside that tower because of me?”

“Then what about you? I just tried to kill you, and you seem completely fine with putting your life in my hands.”

“That’s right. That’s really weird, huh.”

“It truly is.”

Rena giggled yet again, and if Morgana didn’t felt so exhausted, maybe she would’ve let herself laugh with her.

“If we do manage to get out of these woods…”

Rena started talking again, her voice a whisper.

“What do you want to do?”

That was a question Morgana had asked herself ever since she had been out of that tower. How ridiculous that she’d spent the last few months wish for any kind of miracle to free her, and now that she was free, she was even more lost than she’d ever been in her life.

“Do you still intend to take your revenge?”

“Probably…” She hesitated a little, trying to search for the stars behind the heavy foliage of the trees. She found none.

“That’s the only thing I have left.”

“I see…”

“And you?”

“I still have no idea either. Healing that wound would be a start. And then maybe I’ll be able to find another kyute thing to take home.”

“We really won’t have much to look forward to then, huh.”

“I guess.”

They shared another moment of silence. Behind them, the sounds of the guards breaking open the door resounded brutally, but this put neither of them into a panic.

They just kept staring at the sky, entirely camouflaged by the trees.

Until, Morgana finally stood up again, and handed her hand to Rena. The girl smiled, neither a gentle or cruel one, before grabbing it.

Morgana had no idea where they could go, and they had very little chance to be able to run away from the guards.

But, in this instant, putting aside all of her complicated and complex feelings, she swore to herself they’ll manage to escape this place no matter what.

This was her gratitude for the lost girl who had saved her from the tower.

A mean for both of them to find their ways back.