#hah. bad pun

[oilith]

Sniff. My radiorose qpr. My headcanons. Literally everything i've ever made up with these two. How dare you take my platonically married cannibal couple from me. Fuck this. Sob.

[nico-the-overlord]

might make a self-indulgent post explaining meanings to (most) of my fic titles. while I usually have a hard time coming up with them, when it does come to me ooohh boy

[aprimesrpcorner]

🍷💖

And of course the prime smiled, raising his servos up in a sort of ‘I want, give me!’ Type of motion, but even the drunk state he was in, the prime knew better then to just spook another, well unless it was for hugs sometimes.

“Kuppp! Hello there handsome! It’s been to long Since I last *hic!* Saw your pretty faceplate! Why don’t you sit by me and we can talk like old times sake?~” The mech asked with a soft purr of his engines.

Oh this was going to be so embarrassing when he came to from accidentally getting drunk like this.

“You know, your name fits you well my friend, because I would hold you for as long as I can myself!~” Oh Optimus, I don’t know if that was clever or cringy.

[astrito]

"te hacen faltan vitaminas" me recuerda a la shap

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt. Dead on main. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

Perhaps Fentons are not able to recognize their child, despite the fact that they hunt him day after day. But for childhood friends, who saw each other in absolutely ridiculous situations that parents are never allowed to know about, just one sneeze and a bored sigh is enough to realize that this weirdo fighting next to him is the same guy with whom you tasted soap and then stood looking at each other from different corners and giggling.

And so, the dialogue after the battle with the creatures of Infinite Realms, to which Constantine had to invite a potential ally not yet approved by the League:

Phantom: Well, mom always said you were bad news...But a crime lord, seriously? What happened to your plans to become a literature teacher? Red Hood: Hey! For Gotham, this is a very high-paying in-demand job. And I don't want to hear anything from Casper. At least I have my own business. What kind of part-time job do you have? Are you selling sheets to your buddies from this green goo? Phantom: This is ectoplasm. And they're not my friends, and anyway… Constantine: King Phantom, do you know Red Hood? Phantom: Do I know him? Ha! This street rat was Splinter of my beginnings until my family moved out of Gotham.

Red Hood: Wait, wait a minute. Phah...Holy shit. I thought I was the best example of what it means to be a disappointment to a family, but you beat me here. Oh, man, only you...The ghost king who is the son of the ghost hunters? Seriously? Hahah! I thought your rebellious phase ended the moment you told your father that you wanted to be an astronaut and not inherit the family business.

Danny*groans and covers his face with his hands*: My life is over.

Red Hood: Literally~ No, of course I always knew that your parents' disregard for safety in the laboratory would someday kill someone, but I didn't really expect this? Like, wow… Phantom: What makes you think it was an incident in the lab? I mean, there are so many possibilities around. It's ridiculous and…hah Red Hood: Dude, look me straight in the face and tell me I'm wrong if you dare. Phantom:…Fuck you, stupid bookworm. Red Hood: Stubborn nerd. Phantom: Red bucket! Red Hood: Pale toadstool! Nightwing: Um, can you guys please stop fighting? Red Hood: What are you talking about? This is how we always communicate. Phantom: Yeah! Well, in our defense, my sister always thought we both could use a therapist. Oh, man, he made me lose my train of thought. Where were we, J? Red Hood: Since when are you able to think? And I complimented your new hair and skin color. Phantom: Right, right… But, hey, not all of my parents' hypotheses really have a right to exist, and you know it! Hm, did I mention that you're built like a fridge and how does this leather jacket suit you? Red Hood: I believe not. And who's talking about your parents' work? You were an airhead when you were alive too to be honest. And as I see it, not much has changed. Why the hell are you still starting a fight with puns? Stop telling your opponent your position. This is terribly stupid! Phantom: Oh, please, these ghosts are definitely not a threat to me. What's wrong with having a little fun? The fact that you don't have weapons to handle something stronger than a blob ghost is your problem not mine, loser. But let's get back to our greetings. Red Hood: Sure. Then listen here…

~~~~~

Nightwing: Jay, why didn't you say right away that you knew Phantom? We've wasted so much time wondering if it's worth summoning him, and you just stood there and said nothing. Red Hood: Pfff…Because I didn't know that until today. He used to be human. And we haven't seen each other for a long time. So how was I to know that he would take such a ridiculous pseudonym? Nightwing: Then why the hell didn't you feel worried about teasing this creature? Red Hood: Why should I? It's just Danny.

~~~~

Tucker: Oh man, 84 murders, attempts to kill Joker and to much fights with Batman and Black Mask and… Danny: Yeah, yeah. It's all very interesting, but it's not what I asked you to find. Get to the point, Tucker. What I will wear to our dinner tonight depends on this. Tucker: Seriously? As far as I'm concerned, whether he's single or not is less important than all this shit. Aren't you afraid to show up at his house? Danny: I'm invited. And for that matter, I'm Amity Park's former public enemy number one. Which one of us should be worried, hah? So he's not dating anyone, right? Don't try to distract me. Tucker: Dude! Danny: Ugh, in my experience, when he acts like he's lost his mind, he usually has good reasons for it. And if not, given some of the events of my alternative future, I have no right to judge him, so…

[l3mtea]

If you want some story behind this comic, it’s just below this lil comic <3

Oh.

His quiet reverie shatters when pieces of odd moments he’s had with the fallen are forming together like a jigsaw puzzle fitting on each other perfectly.

His reckless actions to gain favor of the fallen’s emotion and attention, his unusual chattiness whenever a squabble with the king begins. Disagreeing and debating such nonsensical topics that he wouldn’t even dare to try and win over but becomes possible if it’s against the king.

Such mundane things became a thrill of joy whenever it was with the king.

The fallen has been slowly becoming a reason for his enjoyment, his everything that makes living in hell all the more fun.

He can never get over the expressions the king shows only at him, his fake smiles will always disappear when it comes to him.

It’s truly a joy.

And that brings him down to a revelation he wished he should’ve not known.

He likes Lucifer.

Terrifyingly, maybe even more so than he’d like to admit.

This revelation might change his view on Lucifer, in a lot of ways if he’s being honest.

But he throws this knowledge out of his mind. He’ll get over it someday. He’s sure of it.

Months went on and slowly, he realized he and the king had some similarities— or something they both have in agreement at least.

Lucifer likes his jokes. It was surprising, really. He simply remarked an off-handed pun towards his colleagues with expectations of none showing such enthusiasm on his jokes— except one did.

He hears the fallen snicker and laughs quietly. A sound he’d unexpectedly find lovely to his ears. A music that he can never get rid of even until today.

It became his purpose to make jokes and make the king laugh— and he didn’t regret doing so.

He tells a silly joke and the king laughs loud, his head falling back and smiling brightly at him, a golden blush spreading across his porcelain face.

It’s a beautiful sight.

“You’re not so bad for yourself, Alastor.” It was a first for the fallen to call his name properly. It’s a lovely ring he’d like to hear again.

“Likewise, sire.”

More months went on and— oh. How stupid he was.

He didn’t mean to utter such a silly thing— towards a being powerful than him no less.

“I like your dumb smile.” He didn’t mean to blurt out his thoughts loud for the king to hear. But he simply laughs at it.

“You do? Stop joking bambi.” A joke. He thought of it as a joke.

“Apologies, the mood was slowly going sour and I couldn’t help but jest a bit.”

“Oh shut up.”

‘Would you believe me if I say I like you?’

• • • •

“Lucifer.” He couldn’t help it. He can’t help but be a fool towards the fallen.

“Al? What is it?” He asks, now smiling at him. He wished for more out of this relationship he cultivated for years now.

“I’d like to confess something.” There was an odd trepidation gripping on his chest. He hates this feeling.

“Confess? Wow that’s a pretty deep word,” an awkward chuckle comes out of him, “whaddya want to say?”

“I like you, Lucifer.” A beat of silence.

“.. what?” He watches him back away slightly, an awkward laugh, “You’re joking, right?”

..

“I’m afraid not, sire.”

“Al, I— uh, I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same way.”

“.. I understand.”

“I’m sorry.” And he runs off.

..

Hah..

So this is a feeling that Vox felt when he rejected him?

Did he also think that he’d wish he died at the very moment when he realized that the friendship they’ve had for years were gone in a blink all for a stupid selfish act such as he is right now?

[archangeldyke-all]

reader who info dumps x sev who gets turned on by it?

OKAY

(i'm making reader infodump about bobs burger because it's my fave and i love it sm-- highly reccomend if u've never seen but no knowledge is necessary to read this lol)

men and minors dni

"ooh! i dunno how true this one is, but a lot of fan forums think that bob's bald spot is supposed to resemble a hamburger too!" you say, pointing at the tv with one hand while you snack on popcorn with the other.

sevika hasn't looked at the screen since you put on your show and started rambling about it-- she's been locked in on your smiling face, her affection growing for you by the second as you gush to her.

"babe, you're a total bob. silco's like... mr. fishodor. and ran's teddy!" you laugh.

sevika snorts. "sure, babe." she says. "'s that make you linda?" she asks, just 'cause she knows it's the right thing to ask to keep you talking.

you grin, kissing her cheek. "you're so corny!" you tease. and then, "i dunno, do you think i'm a linda? i always feel like i'm more of a tina-- quiet, weird, kinda freaky--"

"you are not quiet." sevika laughs. you giggle.

"i am! just not around you-- you don't count."

"whatever. jinx is totally louise."

"totally!" you jump a bit in your seat as you laugh, and sevika's heart skips a beat. she's suddenly overcome with the urge to bury her face in your cunt-- overwhelmed by affection and love for you and needing some kind of physical release for it. "hah! babe, look at the burger of the day boa--ah!" you squeal as sevika leans forward and starts kissing up your neck. "wh--whattya doin?" you squeak.

"keep watchin' your show, i'm listening." sevika mumbles, pulling at your pants.

you gulp. "u-uh. p-people t-think tina's gonna end up with jimmy jr. but i g-got my money on zeke." you mumble. "the writers h-have hinted at him crushin' on her-- sevika this cannot be doing it for you!" you laugh as sevika starts to kiss up your bare thighs.

"i got it bad for you baby. everything you do does it for me. 's fuckin' ridiculous." she grumbles, before kissing your clit. "c'mon, tell me more." she demands.

"i-i uh... there's a n-new pun on the v-van and store next door every episo-o-oh!" you gasp. "sev!"

she's got her tongue inside of you, giggling against your cunt as you shiver over her, her nose grinding against your clit with each thrust of her tongue.

"y'r s' fuckin' hot." sevika mutters.

you laugh, threading your fingers through her hair. "you're ridiculous." you giggle. it's the last thing either of you say for the rest of the night...

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette

[blackbloodteeth]

@bcbdrums Happy Secret Santa! The original gifter unfortunately couldn't really make it, so old man yaoi to the rescue haha (we meet again haha)

This was originally going to be a little sillier but that wasn't really working out, so they look a little cooler now haha (can't say it couldn't happen in canon at some point hah)

Bonus doodle that I saved and an unrelated snippet below:

Spirit has no idea if Stein is doing it like this intentionally haha

————

His steps start to slow down shortly after entering the room, eyebrows furrowing at his meister cackling to himself in the corner ��� quite literally as Franken has nearly wedged himself against the wall with the chair facing away from him. "What on Earth are you doing back here?"

"Oh, Senpai –" Spirit preemptively pockets his hands into his suit while Stein turns to face him, a suspicious look of giddiness and a handful of… beans? "– Did you need something?"

"I wasn't really going to say yes, but now I need to know what twisted experiment I'm going to be stopping now."

Another chuckle twitches across his mouth before Stein wheels himself on over, presenting the small dried beans sitting in his palm as- wait why are they moving.

"Cydia saltitans." He watches on in horrid fascination at the tiny hopping legumes and presence of their scientific name.

"More commonly known as Mexican jumping beans." He continues to watch on in horrid fascination when an entire see-through container of them is lifted up to him. "Well, more specifically the larva of the jumping bean moth, neither of which actually being legumes."

Spirit finally remembers to blink again while gawking back at Franken's giddy smiling. "…Jumping… beans?"

"Yes. Here, hold some."

One can not be entirely sure if it was by sheer bafflement or just the helpless willingness to go along with whatever plan his meister dropped upon him that Spirit finds himself already holding out one of his hands, beans bestowed upon his palm, yet here he is anyway. Lost and four jumping beans richer like Jack before having to face a rather cumbersome magic beanstalk.

"Well.. consider me bean-boozled…"

"No, too obvious," Franken hums disapprovingly.

Spirit blinks at him again. "…Sorry, I guess I jumped to that too quickly, I think I can do moth better than that low-hanging fruit."

In an instant, Stein snickers into one of those mischievous grins of his, which for him was the equivalent of an uproarious applause. Looks like he's still got it.

————

Yes, not only did I have the amusing thought that Stein likes to collect bugs (the weirder, the better), but that of course Spirit keeps bad dad jokes up his sleeve and Stein actually delights in groan-inducing puns hahaha. He always felt like a bit of a trickster to me, so the two make a very silly duo.

(And what's the deal with the jumping beans, anyway?)

Oh hey, because my brain is truly unmitigated chaos, here's some other ideas I thought about doing, 'cause why not:

Spirit is finally going to prank Stein back after all these years he's endured, however Stein can already see him coming and always pranks back harder.

Stein is temporarily taking care of guinea pig, and decides to tease Spirit by pretending it's for an experiment.

Stein helps tie Spirit's hair up in a ponytail like how he used to wear one, out of curiosity. (I wonder how Stein would look in a man bun...)

Spirit sees himself as a fox, but Stein sees him as a hound. I had to stop myself from doing something werewolf-related again and that one scene in the anime isn't helping.

Stein is indifferent about Christmas, but loves sweaters and believes there's an art to the ugly ones. Coincidentally this makes it easier and harder to gift to him because he is surprisingly picky about them sometimes (could be Spirit's tastes hah).

Speaking of sweaters, it would be really funny to put these two in one of those two-person sweaters.

Stein probably has an entire collection of sweaters he just stitches together as a hobby. Say what you will about the man, he could probably sow anything at this point.

Do you think Stein would be one of those sweater-knitting grandpas.

Okay I'm losing track of myself again haha, hope this silly assortment is enjoyable!

I will say though, I also had an idea a little while ago where Stein takes Spirit to see a strange ram witch because Spirit has been cursed so that he can't leave his scythe form. Went a little something like the witch asking for one of the screws in Stein's coat pocket, which he swears wasn't there before, and the witch then uses it to guide them in the right direction. A strange but helpful fellow, that one.

[shadowwolfsage]

DJ ARC 4

Jaune: (after letting another song play out) Alright well tonight's been great, so while I'm still riding the high, and with my girlfriends permission...

Neon: Go get 'em babe!

Jaune: Okay, so this song is one I wrote for someone I'veheld a torch for for a while. She's amazing, but people only ever seem to focus on her looks. She's so much more though. Sure she's an absolute ten out of ten beauty, but she's also one of the best fighters I've ever seen. She always looks out for her friends, giving up her own time to make sure others are doing okay. She's basically the big sister for her entire team, but no one ever seems to notice. So I wrote this song as a bit of a joke based off of that.

With RWBYNPR in the audience

Yang: *elbows Pyrrha* Damn. Lover Boy has it bad, huh P-Money?

Weiss: Yang, before you continue can I say something?

Yang: Yeah? Wassup Ice queen?

Weiss: Before today, Arc only ever performed under his Alias, and only appeared wearing a hologram mask.

Yang: wait really?

Weiss: Yes. Until today, the dance that you were put in charge of, and stressed over. You couldn't find a DJ, and Arc stepped up, knowing his cover would be blown, and choosing to reveal himself instead. Now, why do you think he did that?

Yang: (slowly starts connecting the dots)

Jaune: (over speakers) So this song is dedicated to the pun loving, badass brawler Yang Xiao Long. Yang? I hope you get a laugh out of this, and maybe tomorrow we can grab a bite to eat, just you me and Neon? And to the rest of you I say. Stop staring at her boobs.

Yang: Yang.exe has experienced an unexpected crash due to file publicconfession.zip trying to open Bi-panic.jpeg. Please wait while systems attempt to reboot.

Ruby: HAH, so this is what its like to see your sister embarrassed in public. *snaps photo* I'm so telling Dad that she's in a three way relationship like he was.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Calling them pretty girl 1/3

Excluding toodles of course

If I forget any of the other lady toons let me know!! Yay!! Not much to say here!

Characters: brightney, Connie, flutter, gigi

Notes: reader is gn, toon reader, can be read as pre or post game, mostly focuses on canon character, short post

CWs: none

BRIGHTNEY

ooooooh if you say this to her after a long day its going to take her a minute to process what you said to her- shes got a habit of over extending herself to give others a hand... but when it clicks she lights up (pun intended)

no really she does light up, her bulb nearly flashbangs you for a second before she tones it down! its just the way you worded it that got her! pretty girl? it simply knocks her off guard for a second!

definitely appreciates it but tries to downplay it... "oh.... quiet you" said lightheartedly of course. she gives off sweet older lady vibes/pos

CONNIE

she... kind of makes a face. not a bad one! just a bit of... hmm... its not that she doesnt like being called pretty- she knows shes pretty and its nice that you think so too... but pretty girl sits a certain way on her thats hard to explain

and trust me she does try to explain when you bring up her reaction, but the words fail her. i like to think connie is particular about what names you call her, so this might be a product of that

"uh huh and what does that make you?" shes teasing i promise shes teasing!! she likes seeing you get a little worked up before she gives you affection!!!

FLUTTER

absolute sweetheart, her antennae twitch and her wings flutter (hah) a little faster for a second before she calms down- you think shes pretty...! why wouldnt she be happy about that?

will be writing about this in her diary tonight, and yes you will get a knowing look from gigi within the next day or two- she knows what you are/j/ref

does her very best to communicate that she thinks youre pretty too... nuzzles and nudges, chittering (bug noises bug noises!!), things like that! her not speaking will not stop her!

GIGI

her eyes kind of widen for a second before his face relaxes again. heh. she'd rather call herself pretty or hot but pretty works too... oh lighten up shes only teasing! she... actually does like it

hoarder of objects and trinkets, hoarder of names. pretty girl WILL be added to the long list of names you call her- you might actually have to write them down to keep up with them all...! you... do realize shes joking about wanting to be called honey bunches... right...?

while pretty girl isnt her first choice its definitely one thats going to stick! you get a gold star for the effort and creativity...! just... give her a second to find it...

[dandylovesturtles]

The door opens, fog spilling out. There's the sound of mechanical whirring from inside, and a sinister laugh.

And then, a very small race car appears, approaching slowly, its headlights blinking on and off. In it sits a body in a racing jacket, their head missing, replaced with a meanly glowing jack-o-lantern.

"I have chosen... trick!" booms a voice from within the pumpkin.

The engine revs, the headlights flash. The sound of thunder booms from somewhere inside.

Poptart plays along by falling on the ground and splaying his limbs out. "Darn it, you got me!"

"Hah!" The car comes closer, the driver leaning over the hood to leer at him. "Looks like your Halloween... has Hallow-went."

Poptart snorts and sits up. "That pun was so bad it raised me from the dead."

"Ah, my comedy's just ahead of its time," says Leo, taking the pumpkin head off and tapping a button on the car to kill the special effects. Now that the lights are normal, it's pretty clearly made of cardboard, fitted over the wheels of Leo's wheelchair. "So, what'd'ya think of my sweet ride?"

"It's cool!" Poptart stands up, looking at it. "What are you supposed to be, though?"

"The Headless Horse-driver!" Leo beams, patting the hood. "Because it's a Mustang, see?"

"Oooh, nice." Poptart can't help but laugh. "I see the vision."

"I knew you would." The car wheels back, Leo waving him in. "Wanna come in for a minute? Mikey made Halloween cookies!"

"I will definitely come in for cookies."

[decaf-mother]

Childhood Friends With John 'Soap' Mactavish

-

MDNI

-

Johnny Mactavish x GN!Reader |Can be seen as platonic or romantic|

-

For @glitterypirateduck Soap It Up challenge.

-

Dialogue Prompts: 1 & 3 & 33 & 30

-

Warnings: Fluff, Angsty at the end

-

Johnny is super affectionate- that's just how he is. Never hesitates to put his arms around you or give you a pat on the back.

He's a complete tease to the highest degree and absolutely will mess with you, holding the remote away from you to initiate a play fight, grinning ear to ear with a jokingly cocky "Why don't ye come over here and make me!"

Expect to always be welcome at his parents place and even if you don't exactly have a good relationship with your parents- his will absolutely adopt you and call you their own.

Creating your own form of a language that only you two seem to understand, a single glance and raised eyebrow can say so much... Which obviously leaves Price, Gaz and Ghost very confused.

Jokingly flirting and saying the dumbest puns or pick-up lines, trying to see who cracks first and can't pretend to be serious any longer. "Ye know... I was told to chase my dreams- so here I am." "Oh my fucking god-" "Hah! Ye cracked! I win!"

Don't bother trying to push him away when something is wrong, he sees straight through it, settling down beside you and offering you your favorite candy like when you were kids. "Don't ignore me."

He's incredibly protective over you and it should be known that if anyone dares to hurt you- they'll have him to answer to. Tears streaming down your face with a bruise on your cheek, him mumbling a low "Who did this to you?" While helping comfort you... Next thing you know he shows up at your house with slightly bloodied knuckles. "Aye, I took care of it. Dinnae worry I'm fine... They're technically fine too."

Johnny always had a habit of getting you two into trouble, never anything serious but a little bit of mischief is just too hard to resist. "You're a bad influence..." You mutter while keeping look out for Ghost. "Aye, but you like it."

Wrapped in his arms as you have to let him leave, mumbling over and over for him to please be careful and come back in one piece... Tying a friendship bracelet you wanted to wait till his birthday to give to him around his wrist as a good luck charm, that one small action making his insides turn to goo and his heart clenching at the look on your face. "Promise you're coming back..." "I promise."

-

{@sofasoap @gothgirl6-6-6 @soupbinsoup @sarraa-26 @caramlizedtomatoes-deactivated2 }

-

{More Content}

[kiskyz]

"The Upper Hand"

honestly the reader is kinda like sampo... anyways i hope you enjoy!!

TW: general yandere stuff

“That’s another 300,000 Oneiric Shards gone.” Bronya rubbed her head. “I don’t think I have to explain why this is bad.”

Gepard lowered his head in humiliation, “My apologies Lady Bronya.”

“I have a lot of faith in you Captain Gepard, but my patience is dwindling.” Bronya sat down. “Arrest them.”

Gepard put his fist over his heart, “Of course Lady Bronya!”

“You’re dismissed.” She said tiredly.

Gepard said his farewell before leaving. A few other guards followed him chatting quietly.

“I’ve never seen anyone besides that odd blue-haired guy, outrun the Captain.”

“I know, even Lady Bronya is getting annoyed.”

Their whispers weren’t unheard by the skillful man in question. Despite the disrespect, he couldn’t argue with them. Everything they said was the truth.

You.

You’re always causing chaos around Jarilo-VI, costing hundreds of thousands of Oneiric Shards in damage. You even dare to leave behind notes at the scene of the crime.

Gepard’s fist clenched just thinking of those little pieces of paper. They’re clearly just there to annoy him, but he still always reads them. The subject of your notes varies from puns about the crime to talking about him.

Another thing that you do that gets under his skin is when he just misses you and you wave him goodbye. Sometimes you’ll even strike up a conversation with him.

After months of analyzing you and your crimes, he has been able to somewhat accurately guess when and where you will strike next. Although there isn’t a clear pattern, there is one.

He walked to his office as irritation started eating away at him.

What gives you the right to think that you can continuously commit crimes, leave behind as much evidence as you please, and get away with it?

He sat down at his desk and pulled out the folder with documents and notes on you. He had to try and predict your next actions.

Gepard isn’t dumb, but he’s not the smarter of the twins. So when he got stuck, he sought out Serval. She helped him figure out your hidden pattern.

When he thought of the pattern and this last crime he realized something very important.

-

-

You’re a very sporadic individual. Most of the things you do are on a whim and it's the same with crime. You didn’t dream of being a criminal, but one day you thought it might be fun, so you tried it.

You weren’t surprised when you got on the top wanted list. In all fairness, you’ve committed numerous serious crimes. You may even be considered a terrorist.

Sometimes you’d stay behind and watch from a distance as the authorities arrived at the scene and that's when you saw him. Captain Gepard.

At the time he looked to where you were but you luckily ducked behind a wall to avoid being seen.

As time went on, you thought it’d be fun to tease him a bit. Crimes were fun, but it was getting a bit boring and despite his high ranking, he’s a bit dense.

So you wrote notes on pieces of paper and sometimes even on the wall/ground.

Now at the present, you wonder where to go next. You don’t like going to the same location, but you’re running out of options. You debated yourself a bit and decided on the most obvious place.

The train station.

“The most obvious place is the most entertaining!”

-

-

-

You blinked a couple of times, completely mentally removing yourself from the situation at hand.

You’re chained to a chair in a cold interrogation room. A blonde man stared you down across the table you were sitting at.

“Haha Captain Gepard you got me all wrong!” You sweated.

“Do I?” His voice was cold.

“Y-yeah! I’m actually sort of a… vigilante! And if you let me go I swear I’ll stop!” You tried to sound convincing.

Gepard stared at you blankly and you made an apologetic face.

You wondered what was going through his head.

He finally moved and left the room.

“Hah?!” You huffed.

Maybe you can manage to get out of these handcuffs while he’s gone.

-

-

Gepard smiled at the guards outside the room, “Tell everyone to go home early to celebrate finally capturing the criminal who caused us such a headache. I’ll finish everything here!”

“Captain Gepard! Are you sure..?”

He nodded, “Make sure to tell everyone else.”

“Of course!”

The 2 guards walked away.

Geprad stood outside the room, waiting till he thought everyone was gone.

When he finally caught you after so long, he realized something. Despite all the frustration and annoyance you’ve caused him, he’s become enamored by you.

He finally enters the room when he’s sure everyone is gone.

He walks to where you sat.

“W-what can I do for you, Captain!” You sweat.

He had an odd expression on his face.

“First you can stay in the handcuffs.” He quickly grabs your wrists before you have time to react.

“Haha, would you look at that! I didn’t even notice…” You looked away.

You were once again, handcuffed to the chair.

You expected all of this. This was all according to your plan. Definitely…

“What did you expect was going to happen?” Gepard sat on the table in front of you, his eyes looking down at you.

You rolled your eyes, he was so dramatic.

A hand came at you with force, only to land on the chair, just above your shoulder.

“Gepa-” You began.

“Captain Gepard.” He said.

“Ok then, Captain Gepard! You-” You were once again interrupted.

“Did you really think you’d get away with all those crimes. With all those jokes.” He said annoyed.

You shook your head, “It’s all a misunderstanding!!”

“Why leave the notes?” He asked.

You held back your smile, “Well…“

He slammed down a note next to him.

You shifted your body to read it. When you read the text you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“Read it.” He said.

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and smile. If he asked how could you refuse! Though it was a bit odd how his voice hasn’t been holding a clear emotion, anger or annoyance.

“You’re pretty pathetic to not be able to catch me. Are you really the captain?” You couldn’t read it with a straight face, barely holding back your laughter.

It wasn’t that it was super funny, it was just the memory from when he first read it. His hands had tightened their grip and he threw it on the ground.

When you first saw his reaction you cringed, but you also realized just how much of an advantage you had over him. You were much smarter and always one step ahead of him.

“Sorry! You see these notes were just-” You remembered the fact that this man was the one who had you in custody.

A hand grabbed your jaw, lifting your head up to meet his. He had gotten a lot closer, faces centimeters apart.

“Who has the upper hand now?” Gepard leaned in.

[pocket-watcher]

This is kinda different than what you usually write, but I was thinking a supervillain x assistant where normally the villain hypnotizes people to have them do what he wants, but the assistant doesn't need it cause they're 100% down bad and great with anything he needs them to do. The heroes capture the assistant and tries to break the control/persuade the assistant to leave the villain, but the assistant's like "Why, he's amazing, yes I know he's killed thousands, it's hot and I support him." If you wanted to, you could add a bit where the villain taught them some tricks and they use them on the heroes to escape.

OH. Oh. Okay. Yes!! I think this is excellent. Let me know what you think!

“We know you work for him. We know that you’ve been brainwashed. So, goddamn it, just let us help you!”

“No, thank you.”

The mountain of a man pinched the bridge of his nose. She smiled politely back at him.

“That’s the brainwashing talking. Come on, just ignore her.” Another hero in blue spandex put their hand on his shoulder.

“I assure you, it’s not.” She clarified, not even bothering to test her restraints. No. She wanted Him to come collect her.

“Oh really?” The first man knelt down patronisingly. “So, what? You think you’re actually in love with him? Hah!”

“Yes. I am.”

They all stared blankly before laughing their heads off.

“That’s priceless! You know he’s a murderer, right? Criminal scum.”

“I’m well aware of his actions. If you recall, you’ve forced my hand a few times as well.”

She remembered how worried He had looked at the sight of her bloody. How tenderly He’d cared for her wounds. She let out a wistful sigh.

“Disgusting… she - she’s telling the truth.”

A lie detector power? Intriguing.

“What, no! She’s got to be mind-controlled. Right?” The woman hero said, grimacing.

“I am saying this once so get it through your thick skulls. I am not, nor have I ever been mind controlled to say this: I am in love with Him. Nothing you say or do will ever turn me against Him.”

The sentence sank into their minds.

“…what do we do now?”

She tested the ropes they’d used, remembering what He had taught her. Whilst the heroes discussed amongst themselves she twisted and turned into the knots, loosening it enough to break free.

They turned back. She stood, holding the rope.

“Do you remember when that short one said you should search me for any weapons?”

The heroes took a fighting stance, solely focusing on her.

Not seeing the villain approaching behind them.

“Well, you were right… but I needed to buy some time. What did you call it, Sir? Misdirection?”

They turned too late. The beam hit them one by one. Their eyes glowing a deep green. Struggling, their bodies hunched, before forcible relaxing and standing tall.

“Ah, my dear, you always do help me make the best entrances.”

He parted the heroes like the sea, taking her hand gently and leading her through them.

“Was that a pun, Sir?”

“Not intentionally, but let’s pretend it was.” He looked back at the heroes blank, drooling faces. “Any requests, dear?”

She snapped her fingers. “Attention.”

They turned to her, mindlessly.

“For the next 6 hours you’re all going to act like the mangey mutts you are. Once you’re done with that you’ll upload the security footage of this room for the world to see. Got that?”

The villain smiled at her proudly. “Come on, let’s go home…”

[suzukiblu]

I just wanted to say I think you're really cool in the way you defend your own boundaries while also trying to see the best in people (e.g. off-topic Wednesday asks / etc.). Like you make your ask box feel like it's okay to ask questions or not worry too much about how something might come off wierdly if it's read a certain way but also you don't let people walk over you, and that balance is a fucking skill which takes effort and work.

Thank you. 🧡 I definitely do go to a lot of effort to be clear about certain things I'm cool/not cool with while also assuming the best of people's intentions if I ever get comments or questions that are phrased poorly or seem . . . well, questionable, to make an unintentional pun there, haha. I just don't wanna start shit that doesn't need started or slather bad vibes all over some poor well-intentioned random soul who just doesn't have the most immediately up-to-date/informed language or certain experiences to inform their perspective, AND all over all of your dashes on top of that. Like, we were all confused about shit and awkwardly attempting to figure out what the magic question that would explain that shit to us was at SOME point in our lives, if nothing else. You gotta remember your internal stupid kid and how bad they wanted to figure shit out without having the tools for it!! You just gotta!!!!

Like, I literally did not realize gay and bi people were a thing until I was FOURTEEN, man, I just did NOT have that context/experience as a kid. And then, like, four months later I was . . . uhhhhh I'm pretty sure literally the first kid who was publicly out in my entire very tiny "quaint lil' small town full of well-off retirees with gorgeous lawns and literally nothing for a teenager to do outside of school" high school, and at least as far as I ever knew there wasn't another one until my friggin' senior year. And I didn't figure out what asexuality was OR my gender identity until I was in my thirties, despite actively TRYING to figure those out! I just didn't know! I didn't have the word for it for so long I didn't even GET it was a thing that should have a word!

Though to be honest, I really do get way, WAY more people worrying that they're overstepping and preemptively apologizing about it than I ever do people who are actually doing anything I'd personally consider to be overstepping, and I get even fewer people who are INTENTIONALLY overstepping on top of that. Like, I've been very lucky in the audience I've managed to snare/cultivate in my internet times, I very rarely encounter anyone coming into my inbox in bad faith. "Don't like/don't read" seems to be generally respected and I appreciate it, basically, hah.

Also, like, not to get too extra or serious here, but a lot of the reason I write fanfic is because it can contain a lot of things that standard publishing is less immediately open to releasing--like, especially back when I started, it was just NOT a thing to have explicitly queer kids in mega-popular mainstream YA series or all that much gender/racial/neuro diversity past, like, token presences that were at MOST only diversity-CODED half the time anyway and "didn't like labels". And like, that bugged me a LOT as a kid and as a young adult, and still kinda bugs me sometimes these days. I wanted, you know, that SEEN feeling, and I didn't want to only get it from hyper-niche genres/authors that were only writing about being queer and sad about it. I wanted that shit in my dang sci-fi and fantasy and all the FUN stuff, not just, you know, the tragedy-porn cautionary tales. So I want people who are reading my stuff to feel that way, even and ESPECIALLY when they're some totally different flavor of whatever we are from me, and so I REALLY try to be inclusive and welcoming and assume the best of people, at least to the best of my ability.

. . . okay I got kinda carried away with this answer, maybe, haha, but tl;dr: literally everyone has got enough bullshit going on in their lives, I can at least be nice about weird kinks and random gender/mental/physical/???? issues that I don't always necessarily understand the full nuances of on the internet.

[funky-fox-fics]

Prompt: Nether

"These guys are just bastards," Skizz mutters, punching another fireball back to the Ghast it'd shot from.

The Ghast wails as it dies, something that still shakes him, even though, well, they've killed a lot of Ghasts at this point. The tear, cold and hard enough to survive the fiery air of the Nether, is quickly burnt to a crisp by the lava it falls into. Not that they have much use for these tears anyway.

"Don't you mean Ghast-ards?" Impulse blurts, the pun coming to him in a moment of--hah, impulse.

Skizz laughs, sharp and loud and long in the playerless air of the Nether. Cuts through all the piglin snorts, and all the bubbling lava, and the rest of it--distantly calling Ghasts, distantly crackling fire. His laugh is loud and long and beautiful and Impulse never wants to go a day without hearing it.

"Ghast-ards," Skizz repeats, voice soft in the way someone who'd just laughed is. "Yeah, no, that's what they're called now. Stupid Ghastards!" He waves his sword at the lava lakes, where doubtless another Ghast has spawned by now, and Impulse can't help the laughter that escapes him as well.

"That was a really bad pun," Impulse mutters, still chuckling a little, as they head into the rest of the burning, furious Nether.

"But I liked it, and that's all that matters," Skizz says.

Impulse laughs a little, allows himself to indulge in the beauty of a bad pun. They're alone in this world, anyway, and if Skizz is laughing, why shouldn't he as well?