#hadnt watched it yet so she said watch it and we can talk about it and i see her today so

[wraith-demjin]

UMM I JUST SPENT AN HOUR ON TIK TOK CRYING OVER EDITS OF BRIMSLEY AND REYNOLDS I HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE SHOW YET AND IM ALREADY SO ATTACHED AND CRIED SEVERAL TIMES WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WATCH IT WHAT THEN

[bridgyrose]

Weiss pulled the hood of her cloak up as she walked through the busy streets of Vale, her senses bombarded by the sounds and smells of the faire. The smells of fried meats and bread filled the air, almost making up for the music and sounds that were just too loud for her. Though, it wasnt like she hadnt realized what would happen when she made her way into the kingdom. Afterall, she’d spent years listening to the festivities outside the walls of the kingdoms, only ever catching glimpses of the food and costumes as she lurked in the shadows. 

And now, here she was, finally among the people she had watched. For the first time in years, she felt free. Able to be herself without worrying about becoming a monster or causing problems. At least… until she bumped into someone and heard the all too familiar sound of steel clattering against the ground. Weiss’s body froze as she slowly turned around. “I-I’m sorry-” 

“Its fine,” a woman said with a smile. “I should’ve been watching where I was going.” 

All Weiss could do was watch as the woman picked up her folded weapon. Silver eyes stared back at her through red streaked black hair. A blush crossed her lips and she offered a hand to the woman. “I-I think it was my fault this time. I’m… I’m Weiss.” 

“Ruby,” Ruby answered as she took Weiss’s hand. “Did you travel far to come for the festival?” 

“S-sort of,” Weiss answered back, unable to pull her eyes away from Ruby. She wasnt sure if it was the silver eyes that captivated her, the red cloak that practically draped down her shoulders, or if it was the kindness that she received, but she knew this girl was going to be important to her. “I’m from a small village. Though, I should be leaving soon.” 

“You should stay for the festival. If you’re from that far away, who knows when you’ll be able to come back.” 

“I guess I could stay-” 

“Great! I know exactly what you should see!” 

Weiss felt herself get pulled down the street by Ruby, unable to escape her grip as pulled deeper into the festivities. Stalls lined both sides of the streets with different masks, costumes, foods, and trinkets available for purchase along with a few children’s games for people to play. But none of that mattered as she watched Ruby keep a smile on her face as she started to slow down her pace, talking about each stall that she enjoyed. Not that Weiss caught a word of it, still a bit too overwhelmed by the noises around her to really focus on Ruby’s words. 

“-and you get some fried fish from over here.” Ruby paused for a moment and slowed down. “Are you okay?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Weiss said quietly as she moved a bit closer to Ruby, eyes still glued to the stalls along the street. Her senses were becoming overwhelmed from the smells of the food and the sounds of the music and people chatting around. “C-can we get somewhere quieter?” 

“Sure, but that would take us out of the festival-” 

“That’s fine. I-I uh… didnt realize how loud it was going to be here.” 

“Yeah, sure, we… we can leave for a bit.” 

Weiss relaxed a bit as she followed Ruby out of the festival. Though, as she watched the smile on Ruby’s face fade away, her heart started to ache. She stopped briefly and tugged a bit on Ruby’s arm. “You really like this festival, dont you?” 

Ruby nodded and slowed to another stop. “I do. Its a festival that celebrates the founding of Vale, our harvests… its everything about who we are.” 

“I… I guess we can stay close then, I…” Weiss sighed and held her arm to her chest. “Its a bit loud for me.” 

“Maybe we can find something to help with the noise. I’m sure one of the stalls will have earmuffs available.”  

“You think so?” 

“Its close enough to fall that I’m sure someone will have it. But, we’ll need to get a bit deeper into the festivities. Do you trust me?” 

Weiss paused for a moment as she watched Ruby, still not sure how much she trusted her. And yet, she couldnt find any reason not to. Ruby knew Vale, was familiar with everything the city offered, and her smile was inviting. So, she gave a nod. “I trust you.” 

“Great! And then we can also get you a couple of protection charms as well.” 

“Protection charms?” Weiss asked as she felt herself being pulled again. This time, she didnt get an answer as Ruby dragged her through the stalls until they found one that sold small earmuffs for the cooling weather. She slowly put them on and relaxed as the sounds of the festival started to feel more bearable for her. 

Once Ruby had paid for the earmuffs, she felt herself pulled through the festival once more. The smells of food started to become less overwhelming as they made their way deeper, Weiss’s eyes on all the costumes and dancers that they passed. The way the beads and sequins reflected the light made her stop, almost as if each article of clothing was made to tell a story with the way each of the dancers moved. For a moment, she felt like a kid again before she was bitten. Wonder filled her eyes as she watched the reflection of lights and colors, entranced by everything that she hadnt noticed when Ruby had left, only when she had come back with some fried meat buns. 

Ruby offered one to her with a smile. “Try one.” 

Weiss nodded and gently took one, taking a small bite. She slowly chewed on it as she savored the taste and the way the bread and meat almost seemed to melt in her mouth. “These are soo good! Are they common during this festival?” 

“They are,” Ruby answered as she took a bite of her own. “Its tradition to share them with people you consider friends. And after the day we’ve spent together, I hope I could consider you one of mine.” 

“You can,” Weiss said with her mouth full. She quickly swallowed and started to relax a bit as she looked up to the night sky. The moon was still days away from being full, the sky was clear and the stars had started to shine down on the city. For the first time in many years, Weiss had finally felt at peace. 

Ruby smiled and offered a small charm to Weiss. “Another tradition is to give a charm to someone to protect them from the spirits. No one believes in that anymore, but its still a nice thought.” 

“A-are you sure you’re okay with giving me one? I’m still a stranger and-” 

“And someone I would like to consider a friend. Even if we didnt meet in the most conventional of ways.” 

Weiss gave Ruby a smile and reached to grab the charm out of her hand, flinching and pulling her hand back as the small charm burned her. She took a step back, bumping into a stand behind her and knocking over a few of the charms that were being sold. A couple charms fell against the back of her hand, burning her as she let out a yelp. 

“Is everything okay?” Ruby asked. 

“I-I’m fine.” Weiss quickly looked herself over once she realized a few people were staring at her from the scene she had just caused. Once she was certain she still looked human, she flashed Ruby another quick smile. “But I think its about time for me to start going home.” 

“Are you sure you cant stay? The festival isnt over yet-” 

“I’m sure.” Weiss leaned and quickly kissed Ruby’s cheek, only to feel her cheek burn from the touch of the silver earrings Ruby wore. She pulled back once more and pulled her hand to her cheek, heart racing as her fingers started to shake. Quiet whispers were caught as she looked around at everyone around her, noticing more people had started to come around her and Ruby. 

“Did she just get burned?” someone asked. 

“I didnt see any fire near her,” another answered. 

“Maybe she’s a monster.” 

Weiss took a few steps back, then turned and started to run off. “I need to go!” 

“Wait!” Ruby called out. “Dont leave yet!” 

Weiss didnt hear Ruby, running down the street, out of the festival and towards the city gate. She had to get out before anything else got worse or before she got burned again. Once she was outside the city, she made her way to the forest, shifting once she was sure she was out of sight from anyone that would see her. She laid down under a few trees, glad the darkness hid her white fur. 

A branch cracked and she slowly stood up as she faced the direction of the noise. She kept low as she heard the snap of another branch, looking up in the trees. She found herself face to face with a silver blade, and then the familiar face of Ruby above her. 

Ruby slowly pulled the blade away as she stared at the wolf in front of her. “W-Weiss?” 

Weiss nodded and slowly shifted, eyes still on Ruby. There she stood, clothes torn under her cloak, white wolf ears and tail only visible from the outline they left under her cloak. “I-I can… explain.” 

“I… I’m going to get some food,” Ruby said as she quietly put her scythe away. “And then you can explain what exactly you are.”

[chevelleneech]

See so i think jikook are close def that much i can say, but i dont think they are in a relationship or a serious one at that , i mean we are pretty sure that jk had teh thing with the women (which people for some reason dont agree with or say its a cosplayer , who has teh exact same hairstyle, floorplan, walls, dog, sofa and lights , mannerisms, apartment and very soon after that jk said that "saesangs are still here" , so i dont whats there to disprove over here for those relegious jikook people) and then jm has with the actress who posts his apartment pics, and all of this happened esp with jk at that period when they admitted they werent talking at all, and wouldnt have if they hadnt met, throughout ct it felt that jk was sort of anxious, bored, distracted more like it and felt was upset, all of this also points that maybe they had a fallout a major one perhaps, but now they are better bc hell they went to military together. But all of this factually also puts out that jk and jm are not dating, jk is having his fun, with prob diff people, relationships and same prob with jm. Tae was with jennie, and even rm had a long committed relationship until recently it seems from rpwp songs. so all of this people fighting over taekook vs jikook and how jk seems abusive is redundant , bc they arent in a relationship either of them. what are you thoughts about it.

You including the “Jungkook was anxious and irritated and upset” line tells me you’re a Tkkr trying to hide your hands, lol.

Jungkook may have been nervous at the start of their trip to Connecticut, because Jimin was too, as they both mentioned it’s the first time they’re hanging out after a bit of not seeing each other. But this attempt at highlighting JK only, and saying he seemed uninterested in whatever ways, has been the one thing Tkkrs clung to since the first episode, and it is baseless.

Jungkook is allowed to feel however he felt, but we also all watched the damn show. He was smiling and happy during every single episode thus far, and reiterated his joy many times over. He also said during the first episode that he wanted to keep traveling and filming with Jimin after enlistment. He wants to do it until they’re 50. Was he exaggerating? Most probably, and him being tired at some points was a given due to him being in the middle of promoting his solo work. Outside of that though, he was happy and willing to do the show.

Jungkook and Jimin traveled together because they chose to, because they wanted to. So whatever was going on behind the scenes between them, is something we will never know the full picture of. So if you don’t think they’re together, okay, but I don’t think you ever did, because I’m pretty sure you are a Tkkr anyway.

Regardless of what you ship though, smoke and mirrors are not good indicators that people are dating. Jimin and Jungkook flirt and put their mouths on one another. They choose each other over and over, so no matter the fact that there is a woman claiming to be or trying to insinuate she is Jimin’s girlfriend. Without him ever confirming that, she’s just a weirdo.

Not to mention, why would any of their actual partners post the way she does? If Park Jimin was my man, I do not need to vague post and try to show off bits and pieces of our lives to convince his fans of it. Never mind the fact that it’s his private life. So if they are together, unless Jimin is okay with her stirring shit up in the fandom and posting his house on IG… that’s not something a grown woman, who is famous adjacent herself, dating an incredibly famous person would do.

In comparison, Namjoon and his potential boyfriend situation is the near exact opposite of what that woman is or was doing. We have no idea who the man (or men) is in the pictures Namjoon himself posted. Maybe some people do, idk, but the point is, there is no way to determine who they are nor what they mean to Joon outside of fandom speculation. Yet the speculation makes sense and is believable, because Namjoon himself played into it. He wasn’t deterred by people questioning his sexuality nor relationship status, he posted a heart over a man’s face, and was posting all types of loves songs as he traveled with his family and a man. Yet when he seemingly had his heartbroken, he deleted all photos of the emoji covered man (or men), started talking shit about relationships, and posting sad queer music.

That, imo, is how I believe a relationship between any BTS member would go. Not the heartbreak, but a “quiet launch”. Tae and Jennie were even along similar lines. They unfortunately didn’t post their pictures themselves, but even in the middle of the drama, they kept seeing each other in public spaces. They just didn’t publicize their whereabouts.

So if two members of the group can seemingly date both famous and presumably non famous people, and take pictures and be seen out and about with them, why can’t Jimin? Why is his relationship shrouded in mystery, and only fueled by the woman claiming to live with him all the while he makes no move to imply there’s truth to the rumor?

If he and JK have absolutely nothing going on, why is he out here letting his girlfriend look goofy, all the while biting hickies on a man? While flirting with a man on live and asking him to get naked? While traveling with the same man, getting his ass slapped by him in bed? Enlisting in the military with said man, using a program that keeps them together the entire time?

So again, you don’t have to ship Jikook nor think anything of them, but if you’re going to pull in Taennie and Namjoon’s possible situation to use as examples of the members dating, keep it steady across the board. Jimin and Jungkook’s speculated relationships with women do not match up with Taennie nor Joon’s situation, yet Jikook does.

They travel, sight see, share meals, stay up late, take cute selfies, and cuddle up. So what makes Jikook less likely, aside from them being in the same group for a decade? Which only adds reason to why they may have had some communication issues or whatever, and needed time apart.

[trash----panda]

PT 3 (cause i got some motivation)

The truck came to a stop, almost knocking Dendro over when it lurched, though he quickly stabalized using his tail to balance. He starred up at the front console, still kinda anxious about the whole thing. They werent a combat team, they werent even cleared for self-defense, so if anything happened they were only allowed to run away. He glanced at Joey, she didnt seem half as worried as him, wasnt she scare of the mutations? His sigh was loud enough to catch her attention.

"what?" Her voice snapped him out of it for a moment, he just kinda starred at her as he fastened his mask "nothing, really just ... Havent really had a partner for this before"

"for what?" She literally hadnt listened to a word said, off in her own little world

"scouting.... what we were sent to do"

"....."

"they just told us"

"doesnt ring a bell"

He was glad she couldnt really see his face through his mask, this was gonna be hell to get through. "Whatever lets just hurry, and dont touch anything" he went to the back of the vehicle, opening it up and stepping out, making a log that the vehicle was left on Acorn Drive, it's always better to make sure you arent lost, espeacially in a place like this. The buildings around them looked long abandoned, crumbling and overgrown, it bothered Dendro but this just reminded Joey of the hive she grew up in. She flew up and sat on his shoulder, figuring it'd make less noise if she didnt fly. He was very obviously hesitant but started exploring anyways, occasionally feeling for his dagger on his hip, good, it was still there.

After what felt like ages to the pixie they finallt made it to the abandoned mall, supposedly they were supposed to be searching the area to make sure no new mutations had spawned, and if so, notify the clean up crew. Dendro was cautious, searching quietly and watching for any movement. While Joey was pretty sure nothing was out to get them, getting bored and deciding to explore.

(TW. Slight Gore, Fear, Loss of limb)

She had gone ahead and found an old clothing store, spotting the section with pins, picking each up and examining them. Giving a small chuckle at some of the jokes. Dendro spotted her, still talking in a hushed whisper "what are you doing"

"there's nothing here, we should take something as compesation"

"what? No what if it has germs"

"what are you, 5?" She rolled her eyes

"you know what i mean, i could get infected"

"yah right, like you, the most carful of us, would get infected from a little piece of plastic that says...." she starred at it "i cant actually read this one"

He got ready to continue arguing, but stopped himself, spotting some movement in the back, drawing his knife "Joey" he hissed. She just ignored him, kinda bitter now "it isnt even that big of a deal, i can be as loud as i want" she threw one of them down to prove a point, raising her voice "no one is even here-"

She didnt have time to finish the second, he'd tried to reach her in time but she was too far away, a large mutation, standing a good 9 ft tall (3 meters) had clamped it's teeth around her, probably not even noticing as it simply swallowed. Dendro starred in disbelief, he didnt know what to do, his mind racing. His eyes locked on her severed arm, the growl snapped him out of it, looking at this... this thing. It used to be a person but that was hard to tell, having no eyes now it moved on all fours, looked more like a dog than whoever it used to be. It hadnt heard him yet, he had a chance. He sucked in a silent breath, his chest feeling tight as he inched through the store. He knew protocal, abandon your partner. He knew it was best, just abandon your partner. But he couldnt, fuck, he was probably gonna get written up for this. He silently made his way behind it, tensing when it started sniffing around, he held as still as his body would let him, waiting for it to walk by before trying to throw himself against it.

It screamed, at least it sounded like one, screeching and flailing as he clung to it's hide, trying to push his dagger in. There was no way this was gonna work right? But he couldnt let go now or he was next. He managed to wedge the blade between it's ribs, perking up as he pushed it deeper, just out of reach as the creature snapped it's jaws at him. He knew his arm wasnt strong enough so he used his claws to pull himself up more. Pushing the blade down with his foot, leaving a sizable gash down it's side. That seemed to do the trick, he got lucky this one wasnt stable enough to survive a wound like that. Getting bashed against the ground as it collapsed on top of him. He had to struggle to get free, pushing it over and starring at the wound. His stomach was doing flips just thinking about it, but he had to, he pushed his hand inside, gagging a little. Even with the suit creating a barrier he could feel the organs when he pushed them around. There. He grabbed and pulled, starring at the stomach in front of him, seriously debating if this was worth it. He sliced it open, temporarily forgetting how gross it was when he spotted the pixie. He scooped her up as quickly as possible, holding her in one hand while pressing on her back with his fingers, just until she coughed and started breathing again. Relief flooding him.

(End of trigger warning area)

"you're alive"

She was still a little dazed, espeacially with the lack of oxygen "duh" she coughed again, feeling like she might throw up.

He paused, glaring a little cause of her attitude, mumbling softly "next time i'll kill you myself"

"wha?"

"hm?"

"....... I just thought.... you said something"

".....might be delarious... probably gonna need disinfected"

She tensed, struggling to do so but sitting up "hey no i can do that myself! I am more tha-" he cupped his hands around her to drown her out, wincing as he got up. He'd defiantly hurt himself getting thrown around like that. Headed back towards the van, they were both gonna need to be cleaned outside the vehicle. It came equipt with that, the disinfectant applied like a shower. At least that was kinda a punishment, the pixie did seem to hate water. Then they'd get to go back to the dorms for a warm meal, he desperatly needed one of those.

-----------------

(if anyone has a name for the story, feel free to suggest)

[fraener]

3/19/23

yesterday it was 64 out. we’ve nearly gotten past the last frost, there are a few cold nights looming ahead. the day was beautiful and sharp and strange. hans and i had a picnic in the park and while he was out getting a new pair of waders i watched the track house burn, start to nearly finish. the air was heavy with the heat of the day and the fire made a sound like it was crawling. we went back in the night, hans and i, and a few of his coworkers were there watching the last embers leap in the dark. the smoke made us cough and we got weird white stuff on our shoes. the fire department hadnt turned the water main off so everything was flooded. ive been walking so much lately, its helping with everything. i decided not to take that job this summer after all, which of course now im regretting just a bit. i just didnt feel like it was going to be a good environment to work in, they werent being transparent with me about what they were hiring me for through the interviewing process and i didnt like being asked to only teach things that were easily marketable. i dont like a school thats focused on turning a profit rather than providing diverse and unique learning opportunities. plus the pay was going to be shit. i might work for the geoduck farm, but im not fully sure yet. ive been having terrible luck with the grocery shopping, things keep going wrong or something i bring home is off. tonight i spilled my dinner on the floor but i didnt get mad, i just laughed and cleaned it up. i feel a little lighter than usual, i think i feel good. i can feel the writhing worm of anxiety under my surface but i feel good. last night rosie slept next to me in the crook of my body all night long. hans told me this morning that r really didnt like how i carried myself or the fact that i disagreed with her and talked back to her. to her she always found me difficult to control, threatening to her manipulation web and harbored a good amount of resentment for me was incredibly freeing. i dont feel bad about anything ive done now because it doesnt have anything to with me. all of this could have been prevented had she been honest, but she was having a hard time scraping me off, clearly. i ran into amys michael on the street which was a wonderful surprise. ive been reacting poorly to dairy lately, i think all of my allergies are really heightened right now. everything is starting to bloom, the osoberry and the redcurrant and the daffodils and violets are filling the air with pollen and scent. even the plum and cherry trees are opening, slowly but surely. i turned the bed over for spring today, well see if im warm enough. the equinox is tomorrow. the heather gave me a big branch of monkey puzzle tree the other day. i finished up with school for now except my eval meeting. my final critique went well, people liked my work and complimented me a lot on it. one of my classmates said the plate with hans on it looked like it was cracking because the love we had couldnt be contained and it made me cry a little. i love him so much, being with him is helping me heal so much, not being punished for who i am by someone i love is healing me so much. climbing out of the depression, certainly, but not quite there with the anxiety. still have some climbing to go. although things have improved so much in the last year... my intrusive thoughts are much quieter and one track. theyre really only focused on the one thing most of the time, which i am seeing like when im washing the sink and all the gunk gets swished into one little heap headed for the drain trap. were going to work on unburdening in therapy this week a little so i think thatll help. the smell of the rain on the hot pavement today nearly made me cry. actually i did tear up a little, i felt so at peace and unbothered by anything. everything is ringing out a little clearer each time, i am really feeling a return to myself bigger and bigger with each ring. i feel much more comfortable with myself than i did in the voyeuristic relationship i had to myself last year. this year has passed so fast to me in this moment; i feel like everything with o happened so recently. in some ways it did i suppose, only 5 months ago. i want to write more poetry again. i feel like ive woken up from underneath something the last few days, i hope it stays that way. the spring is beautiful. everything is reaching for the light of the sun this year so hard, as if we all felt the quake of my emotions and grief and fear this winter. i was so arrested. i am so close to free now.

[fuckinmelodrama]

update. its now 6 years later and i still love them but its okay because its a different kind of love. they will never see this and they will never be in my life like that again and im okay with it. im okay watching them be in love with someone else, and im okay with the idea of being in love with someone else myself one day.

first love never really fades away and i think i'll love them until the day i die (and then maybe a little longer) but ive learned that i can love without being IN love, i can love without wanting. if they asked me to speak, or worse yet be theirs again, id say no but if they asked me to sit side by side and watch the stars in silence i would drop everything. i hope we never talk again, and i also hope they never leave.

around this same time someone asked me if i believed in love at first sight, and i said no but that was a lie. ive loved them since the moment i saw them and that experience alone has kept me curious about the universe. i wouldnt believe in a higher power, something bigger than this world if i hadnt felt it that day. an invisible string that ties us together, albeit at arms length now, keeps us in each others lives to this day. i believe in the divine because ive seen it in them.

i think that when the stars and the universe were born, the carbon and atoms that make up our bodies must have been born together, must have been part of the same star. and that the pull we feel has cosmic origins, that like a magnet our chemical compositions demand to be reunited. and that one day we will die and our atoms will come together as new lifeforms, and that they will also feel the cosmic draw. i dont believe in reincarnation but i believe in the law of preservation of matter, and that they are one of my "soulmates" within the framework of those laws. or maybe i am completely deluded.

theres a lot of things i'll never get answers to, a lot of things they did that i'll never get explanations for. things they probably dont even remember doing, much less their reasoning. the way they tracked me down and pursued me when i was a complete stranger, insisted on occupying spaces in my life not even all of my friends knew about, remembered our singular two sentence conversation for months. all while they had a girlfriend. the way they chose to stay in my orbit and say the things they said when we were no longer together. the only logical explanation i can think of is that they felt (feel?) the cosmic pull as well, and that is enough of an answer for me.

i'll love again, i know i will, and i also know it won't be the same. and i think that's a good thing. because that draw, and by extension they, fucking terrify me. in a way they know me more intimately than any other person on this planet, but also not at all. and i think its possible to be so enamored by a bond that you forget to be yourself, and i think that thats exactly what happened with us. and so i am content with love that may not be cosmic, but which can be authentic. and i hope they are too.

i hope they are so unbelievably happy. i hope they look at their partner and wonder how they got so lucky. i hope they remember the times they cried about not being able to keep a partner for longer than 12 months and now look back on their past few years together and smile. i hope their mother loves their partner as much as she seems to, as much as she disliked me. i hope one day i forget her name and their birthday. i hope they see the pieces of me in them like i see the pieces of them in me, and i hope their partner never learns my name.

c and x?

wow yall decided to jump straight into interrogating me about my love life huh

c- crush?feeling are confusing

x- an ex you still liked after it was ended?honestly declan because that ended even though neither of us wanted it to but life sucks like that sometimes !! 

send me a letter !!

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

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Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

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Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

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@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[lilith-of-rivia]

The Bards Sister  Geralt XFemale!Reader Part 1

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

Masterlist 

Summary: Geralt of Rivia and his long time travel companion Jaskier find themselves in Jaskiers home land. A place geralt had not only never seen nor heard of. Jaskier is ready to reunite its his family after traveling and exploring the world for 20 years. The one person he missed the most was his baby sister (Y/N). Who he hadnt seen since she was 5. The journal is long, but the pay off is grander then they would ever be able to predict. I know i am trash at summaries.

Trigger warnings: NONE a lot of Geralt and Jaskier in this first part. Your charicter doesn’t come in till closer to the end.

Pairings: GeraltxReader JaskierxSister!reader

Word count: 6,095 longest fanfic I’ve ever written!!

A/N: hello my loves!!! I got my Insperation back!! I’m hopping i will be regularly posting agin!!! I ove you all so much you consistent love and supoort has not gone unnoticed. The constant likes and reblogs truly means the world to me. I love every single one of you so much. Thank you for believing in my writing the way you do. All my love -Lilith ps. I have reviewed and edited but I will be doing a more in-depth review soon!

“Where are we going, Jaskier.” The Witcher’s brooding voice echoed threw the flowered valley. His horse trotted not far behind his companion. Jaskier looked back at him and just rolled his eyes.

“How many times have you led me on endless roads, towards the middle of nowhere speaking little to no words to me no matter how much I ask?” Geralt said nothing. Jaskier snorted looking back towards the road.

“Exactly. No shut up, your brooding is giving me a headache.” The bard was giving the witcher a taste of his own medicine. The idea that Jaskier was leading him to somewhere he had no idea of the location, made him uneasy. Did he trust his bard? Absolutely without a doubt. Would he ever admit it to him? No never.

Their travels continued till the sun was barely hanging in the sky. The air had grown crisp replacing the harsh burning of the full summer sun. Jaskier pulled his mare to the side of the road, climbing off her, tying her to a tree. Geralt followed, realizing they were stopping for the day.

“We still have a couple hours of daylight left.” Geralt said as he took Roach’s saddle and tack off.

“We don't need a couple hours, we are nearly there. Maybe an hour and half.” Geralt cocked an eyebrow at Jaskier.

“Then why did we stop?” Jaskier pulled his saddle bags off his horse, putting them beside a log as he gathered some sticks for the fire.

“Because I have to debrief you as to who we are going to see and you must bathe before we do so. The stream here will do the trick.”

“Gods Jaskier, will you just tell me where we are going? The secrecy is bullshit.” The broot of a man was losing his patience with his friend.

The duo had been on the trip for nearly two weeks. They left Tramieria and headed east. Much further east than Geralt could ever remember traveling. Yet the bard seemed to know exactly what turns to take and when. The closer they drew to their destination the more the witcher could hear his heart beat faster.

“Jaskier if this is some stupid plot for me to protect you from some man who’s wife you slept with again-“

“It's not Geralt-“ Jaskier pinched the bridge of his nose, his stress causing a minor headache. “Just go bathe then I’ll tell you everything.” Geralt studied his friend, his eyes searching his face, his ears tuning into his heart beat trying his best to figure out what he was getting himself into.

With a low grunt the witcher grabbed his last set of clean clothes and the bar of soap from the bard's hand before stomping off to the river.

“Clean EVERYTHING!” Jaskier yelled over his shoulder. Only getting an unfriendly finger in return.

Nearly an hour later, the sun was completely hidden behind the canyon, the glow of the fire Jaskier started illuminating their small camp. Jaskier’s fingers strummed mindlessly at his lute, his eyes fixed on the stars that were making their presence known more, humming to himself softly. He heard his friends footsteps as he approached, his hair was wet at his shoulders. A fresh white Cotton tunic hugged his muscular build, black trousers hugging his legs. He smiled nice for once. All thanks to the lavender and honey soap Jaskier had received as a gift.

“Now don't you look better.” Jaskier said with a chuckle. The witcher sat down across the fire from him, his golden eyes staring heavily at the bard.

“Spill your guts Jaskier.” Jaskier rubbed his hands over his face and nodded. His eyes looking anywhere but at his friend.

“I haven't been completely forward about my family life.” Jaskier’s eyes landed on the moon above them. It was nearly full, he was doing well with time. He knew they would reach their destination well before the next full moon.

“Jaskier.” Geralt’s harsh voice broke the silence. With a loud sigh Jaskier finally looked his friend in the face.

“I’m royalty Geralt.” The Witcher’s expression did not change. He just looked at his friend. He could hear Jaskier's heart beat become uneven and unsteady. At first he thought it was a joke but the nervous energy radiating from his long time friend made him think better.

“My family, they are wonderful people. My mother, bless her, taught me everything I needed to know about writing and music. Convinced my father to let me train at Oxenfurt Academy. My father is a noble and loyal king. He served our people well. Still does to my knowledge. I haven't been back in nearly 20 years…” the bard trailed off, his eyes fixated on his hands, his fingers twildilling with a ring he had on. The ring was that of his family. Their crest engraved into the gold.

“I was never meant to be a noble. I lived for adventure, for more than just sitting on a throne and watching people come and go. I was never fit to be king. My parents knew that. They understood. Understanding people they are.” His voice trailed off again, hopping his friend would say something. Ask a question. Anything. He didn’t know where to go next.

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” Geralt finally asked.

“Because it never came up. My family never needed me. I never needed them. I love them all dearly of course. But we were never the closest people in the world. Well, my sister and I were.” That caught the Witcher’s attention. His eyes narrow slightly, he made sure to not let his expression scare the bard into not telling him more. He was genuinely curious about his family. But he couldn't lie and say he wasn't disappointed that in the 7 years they traveled together he never heard of them.

“You have a sister?” The bard's eyes lit up. His memory raced with images of his tun little sister chasing him around the courtyard screaming, yelling his name. Her giggles and laughs pulling at his heart strings.

“Yes. Her name is (Y/N). She is about to be 25. Big age for a princess. I havnt seen her since she was very little.” His heart started to break softly. His neglect to his baby sitter weighting heavily on him.

“I write her often, as much as I can. She was...well, a surprise to my parents to say the least. I was 15 when she was born. I left home at 20. I was only around for her toddler years. I never got to see her grow, blossom into a young woman. I missed so much.” Jaskier had to fight back the tears, his throat becoming tight and dry. His body filling with regret.

“I just kept pushing it back Geralt. I alwasy said I’d make it home. I alwasy had it in the back of my mind to go back and see her. But I never did.”

“Why now?” Geralt asked.

“She wrote me a few months back. It was nearly a book. It was filled with tales of her new travels around our country. She had been training heavily with an unmanned matester of combat. She traveled the countryside with the man. She referred to him as an uncle. In the letter she asked me if it was true that I’d been traveling with you. She said the songs and tales of Jaskier the Bard traveling with the White Wolf made it to her ears.” Jaskier stopped talking for a brief moment, rummaged around his rut sack and pulled out a notebook. He untied its string and a large pile of papers fell out into his hand. He unfolded the parchment and scanned the writing.

“I wrote her back that week. Only to receive this in return.” He began to read;

“Oh dear Jaskier!! I cannot believe its true. I thought he was only a legend. The white wolf. Please tell him he is a hero here. We love his stories. Many have written books of him. Children run round calling themselves the butcher of Blaviken here to save the damsel and distress. I love his stories, mainly because they involve you. Please come visit me this year. I miss you terribly. I want to hear of your travels with the wolf. Mother said he is more than welcome to stay if he wishes to travel with you. I do miss you Jaskier. More than I think you know. I do not mean to guilt you or make you feel bad as i know you are traveling the world to your heart's content and would never want you to feel as though I do not support you-“ Jaskier stopped reading for a brief moment. A small tear dripped onto the page he was reading. Geralt listened to every word he read. He couldn't help the small tug of his lips when he read about the children pretending to be him. It was a breath of fresh air for the witcher. He had constantly been told he was a monster. To hid your children from him. Yet here was an entire country that loved him, yet he had no idea. Jaskier cleared his throat and continued. “But i miss my brother. And maybe, just maybe. I could come with you. If you deem me fit. I have been working tirelessly with a friend of fathers. He trains me in not only swordsmanship, but Herbology, and monsters as well. I can name nearly every monster that has inhabited the Continent and how to slay it. He thinks I’m ready to leave the nest and I think mother and father are getting a bit tired of me as well. I cannot stand another somber, dull, dinner party with nobles who look at me like a piece of meat. So please. Visit me soon. Come and stay a few days. Catch up with your dear sister and maybe, if he isn't too busy and if it doesn’t inconvenience him, bring the Wolf with you. He’d be a welcomed hero. All my love dear brother. Xoxo Love always, (Y/N) Irene Pankratz

Jaskier folded the letter, placing it inside his notebook before safely storing it inside his sack again. He ran a hand over his face, his eyes slowly moving from his hands to his best friend. They sat in the silence for a while. Geralt’s brain replaying the words he had heard from his friend.

“You could have told me about her Jaskier. Why didn't you? You’ve been in contact with her all this time, planning to see her and your family again. Bringing me along for the ride, yet not a single word in 7 years. Do you not trust me with such a secret Jaskier?” Jaskier was taken aback by his friend's words.

He never knew his secrecy would have such an impact on his friend. When it came to Geralt he learned long ago, the little words, the better. The witcher can only handle so much before he loses interest and stops listening or walks away. He never in a million years would have thought he cared about his life that much. It warmed the bards heart to know his dear friend, the only brother he ever had, cared that deeply for him.

“It has nothing to do with not trusting you Geralt. Is has everything to do with the shame I hold for not seeing her sooner. For treating her like a dirty secret form the world. There is no logical reason for me to keep my family such a big secret. Yet I have. For 20 years.” Geralt’s hands rubbed together softly as he listened to his friend. He understood the secrecy. He was a box full of secrets that nobody could get into.

“Its okay Jaskier. I understand the secrecy. Is that where we are going tomorrow?” Jaskier nodded, a smile appearing on his face.

“Her birthday is the next full moon. I’m hoping my gift will be a good start in time lost.” Geralt looked at him curiously. He hadn't noticed any major item in Jaskier’s possession that could make a good gift for a young princess.

“You’re her gift Geralt. I wrote her back after that letter and told her I’d be back for her next birthday. But that you simply were to busy with your work. I told her that you greatly appreciated her support and that youd consider writing to her in the future. She has no idea your coming with me.” Geralt didnt know how he felt about being a gift. He never ever saw himself as a gift to anyone. More of a burden the a gift. He shook his head at Jaskier and tutted at him.

“Jaskier if your that broke you could’ve asked me for a few extra coins for a real gift.” The witcher attempted to joke with the bard. It made Jaskier smile more. Geralt could be funny, but his humor was incredibly dry, much like Jaskier’s father.

“Geralt! Did you just try and joke around with me??” Geralt rolled his eyes, laying down stretching his muscles as he looked up at the starts.

“Best get some sleep Jaskier, you’ve got a rather big family reunion tomorrow.”

The next morning Jaskier was up and awake before Geralt, a rare sight. He truly hadn't slept more than a couple hours that night. His nerves kept him awake. He feared his sister wouldn’t be as loving as he pictured, she had every right to be mad at him, hate him even. By the time Geralt was up, Jaskier had bathed, changed and had his horse completely ready to go.

Geralt had to do everything in his power to not laugh at his friend. He looked rather ridiculous. His normal bright attire was replaced with a royals outfit. A green and blue velvet tunic and some extremely uncomfortable looking black trousers. His hair was combed back and his face was freshly washed. He even cleaned under his fingernails. He looked rather ridiculous in Geralt’s opinion. He couldn't help the low chuckle that left his lips as he put his bed roll away.

“I don't understand why you're laughing. I have some clothes for you to put on as well.” Geralt’s expression changed instantly, from humorous to angry.

“No. Absolutely not. What I’m wearing is perfectly fine. I’d wear it to meet any king or queen.” A bag was chucked at him, he barely caught it before it smacked into his face.

“This isn't any normal king and queen Geralt. This is my family. And besides, you are no ordinary witcher in my kingdom, you’ll be treated as royalty there. You may as well look the part.” Geralt huffed and threw the bag of clothes back at his friends feet, glaring daggers at him. He hated dressing up with a burning passion. Everything was too tight, not easy to fight in. If anything happened he’d have to rip the seams on every piece of clothing to be able to maneuver his weapons properly. And fancy clothes dont have space for weapons. He didn't like that one bit. Jaskier looked at his friend. His eyes pleading with him.

“Please Geralt. Just for today and her birthday. I couldn't care less what you wear at any other point on this trip.” He had walked closer to Geralt now. About a meter away from him. He extended his hand, the bag in his hand. Geralt looked from the bag to his friend. His teeth and jaw clenched.

He let out a loud huff and grabbed the bag from the bard.

“Fine.” He said through gritted teeth and began taking off his clothing. Jaskier smiled before turning his attention to Roach, getting her stalled and tacked so when Geralt was dressed they could leave.

“If we move with a bit of a haste we could make it there before breakfast.” Jaskier said as he mounted his horse, looking at his friend. His hand slapped over his face. The witcher looked utterly ridiculous in his new attire. The bright red and orange vest a-top a cream tunic, his legs tight in some disgustingly ugly corduroy pants. The pants were obviously smaller than the seamstress he bought them off claimed them to be. The ends of the pants came nearly mid calf on Geralt’s legs. His pasty white ankles and feet shining in the early morning sun.

“Jesus Geralt. Those are worse than the ones I got for Pavetta’s party.” The bard could no longer hold in his laughter. Did Gerarlt look like a nobleman? Sure, but his size, white hair, and bright yellow eyes really didn't help the situation.

“Jaskier, I will kill you for this.” Geralt grumbled angered as he pulled his socks up his feet and over his calves. Luckily for him (and Jaskier) his boots went higher than his pants, making it harder to notice that the pants he was wearing were way too small.

“At least I’m not making you wear a big hat with a feather, those are truly hideous.” Geralt mounted Roach, more carefully then he normally does in fear his pants could bust at the seams.

“I had to wrap you up nice and pretty to present you to my sister.” Jaskier commented as he led his horse; Napoleon to the main road, Geralt and Roach in tow.

The two men rode in a comfortable silence for some time, but as they got closer and closer to Jaskier’s home, all Geralt could hear was his frantic heartbeat. Jaskier’s palms get sweaty and his throat dry, no matter how much water he drinks from his water skin.

“Jaskier. You need to calm down. Your fucking heart beat is driving me insane.” Geralt hissed. They could see the end of the valley they had been traveling in. Geralt looked out in the distance, his eyes saw the castle first. It was very far, but he could tell how beautiful it was from where they were.

“Maybe you just shouldn’t listen to it then.” Jaskier barked back.

“You know I have no control over it, idiot. Take a deep breath. I know you're scared, I understand. But from the sounds of it your sister desperately misses you, I don't think she would ask you to come see her if she was going to hate you.” Geralt didn't talk much at all, that everyone knew. He was a man of few words. But when he did speak it was wiser than most people ever expected. People tended to forget the age of the white haired man, as he stopped ageing physically in his late twenties.

Jaskier smiled softly at his friend's words, he listened to him and took a few deep breaths, calling himself down. Geralt was right. His sister seemed eager as ever to see him again.

The two men approached the entrance to the city. Geralt was more than shocked. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen a city so beautiful in his entire life. The streets were lined in beautiful stone, flowers, vines, greenery all around every corner. The banners that were hanging on the outside of the main gates caught Geralt’s eyes. The crests on them were brightly colored in greens and blues, a very large diamond in the center. Their horses rode into the entrance of the town. Jaskier’s heart was calm, steady, his face was bright and had a smile Geralt had never seen on him before. He was finally home.

“Welcome to Inritha (In-Rithe-A) the capital of Unthya (Un-The-A) Geralt. Welcome to my home.”

Their horses traveled down the stone brick road slowly, the city was buzzing already even with it being the early hours of the morning. Geralt was surprised to see everyone look so...happy, care free. Enjoying their lives. They looked as though nothing was a fret, no monster looming. Geralt was mesmerized by the city. The buildings were built out of what looked to him like limestone, a building material he so rarely saw in other parts of the Continent. The buildings were being taken over by vines and moss, flowers all over. He’d never seen so many butterflies in his life.

“Jaskier-'' his voice was barely a whisper, the bard turning to look at him as they rode side by side. Jaskier couldn't help but smile as his friend admired the beauty he himself had so easily forgotten over the years.

“I know, it's beautiful. I've forgotten myself.”

The two men continued riding their horses up the road closer and closer to the castle. The longer they road tho more attention they got from passer buys. Geralt could hear their whispers.

It couldn't be. Could it?

THE Geralt of Rivia? Here in Inritha?

Mummy look! It's the butcher!!

Has Prince Jaskier finally returned home?

For the first time in what seemed like his entire life, the hushed whispers Geralt heard as he rode through a city were not of hate and disgust. But of admiration and curiosity. The entire time Geralt and Jaskier rode through the city, he never once had the urge to grab either of his swords that were at his side.

The two men approached the gates of the castle, four armored guards stood outside. The put their hand up in motion for the men to stop. One who looked as tho to be the commander of sorts stepped forward poking between both men. Eyes lingering for a long while on the two.

“State your name and what business you have in Inritha at this early hour.” Jaskier dismounted his horse, waking a few feet forward.

“My name is Jaskier Alfred Pankratz son of Dastrill and Alvere Pankratz. This is my companion Geralt Of Rivia, we are here on behalf of my sister, (Y/N) Irene Pankratz’s 25th birthday.” Jaskier bowed his head lowly, keeping eye contact with the commander in front of him.

“Prince Jaskier?!?” The man clearly looked flustered and embarrassed for not recognizing the prince of his own kingdom. All four men quickly bowed their heads.

“Please accept my apology your highness, we welcome you home. As do we welcome your honored guest.” Jaskier smiled and told the men to not trouble themselves with an apology. Geralt continued to watch from atop Roach, still not use to being idolized instead of feared. Honored guest. Geralt thought to himself. He could get use to the new treatment. Jaskier remounted Napoleon the gates to the castle walls opening. The both road threw, all four men bowed their heads as the two walked threw. Not once did they threaten Geralt’s life. They were led by a guard to the stables where they left their horses.

Geralt could hear Jaskier heart beating again in his chest as they were led inside the castle. Geralt tried to concentrate on his friend, to be there for him but he couldn't help but let his eyes wander all over the castle's walls, it was a bright exterior. The walls polished, candles everywhere. Large windows allowing for natural lighting. Nothing dark or gloomy about the castle at all. He felt uplifted..cheary almost. As they neared the entrance to the grand hall where the King, Queen, Princess along with some others were. Geralt could hear the light conversation, and the clicking of silver on plates, they were eating breakfast. But he could still hear Jaskier���s heart beating in his chest. Geralt placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder as they walked, giving it a soft squeeze. The action made Jaskier more worried if the witcher was feeling alright, as it was abnormally out of character for the man. But he said nothing, appreciating the gesture.

They got to the door and just as the guard was about to push the doors open Jaskier grabbed his arm.

“Could we maybe skip the loud over dramatic announcements of my arrival? I have not seen my family in years.” The guard only nodded, bowed his head and walked back outside to his post. Jaskier looked over at his friend, as he put his hand on the door ready to push it open.

“Now or never.” Jaskier said as he opened the door. Both men walked into the large room, the talking stopped almost instantly. Geralt stood at the door, not wanting to impose on the important reunion of his friend and his family. He followed Jaskiers gaze to the table ahead of them in the front of the room. The room was lined with huge floor to ceiling windows, the light of the early morning sun shone brightly making the marble floors glisten.

“JASKIER!!!” The loud scream of a girl nearly made Geralt jump out of his skin, his hand reaching back for a sword that wasn't there in instinct.

It made Jaskier jump but the smile that covered his face was even bigger than the one he had seen as he walked through the city. Geralt followed Jaskier’s gaze to a young woman. The sight of her alone made Geralt want to pass out. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen someone so beautiful in his entire life. Her hair was the same chestnut brown that Jaskier had, but it was long, hip length. She had it pulled back slightly out of her face, a few baby hairs framed her face. Oh her face. Geralt thought as though he was looking at a living breathing angel. He heard her chair scrape roughly on the ground before it loudly crashed on the floor. She raced around the long table from her mothers side and sprinted to her brother. She practically threw herself on him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, stumbling back a few steps. Everything was quite as the two embraced. Geralt's eyes went to the king and queen who were now standing. The queen looked just like (Y/N) but her hair was black, long stripes of grey peeking through her hair. The crown atop her head glistened in the light. Her right hand was tightly around her husband's arm, her other hand placed softly over her mouth as she looked at her children. Her husband looked much like Jaskier. His hair was the same color as both of their children, but much like his wife’s, much of it had turned grey. His eyes were the same cornflower blue that Jaskier had.

Minutes passed in silence before Jaskier put his hands on his sisters shoulders, pulling her away from him. He put one hand on her cheek as he examined her features. Her pale cheeks were damp with tears. But not sad tears. Tears of joy.

“My sister, how you’ve grown.” Geralt could hear the tears in the bard's voice. He couldn't see him but he could hear everything.

(Y/N) fingers gently brushed over her brother’s face as she smiled at him.

“My brother, how you haven't aged a day. You look just as I remember you. Maybe a few more wrinkles.” She teased. He laughed softly. Wiping his eyes with his hand before pulling her into another bone crushing embrace. She was much shorter than Jaskier, barely shoulder level with him. Geralt was shocked to remember she would be turning 25 in two days. She was still young in the face, beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to see her more up close.

While the siblings spoke their parents moved from the spots at the table, standing behind (Y/N). Alvere was the first to pull him into a tight embrace after her daughter let go. Her fingers gently combed through his hair as she inhaled his scent deeply.

“My dear son how I've missed you.” She whispers slowly into his ear. Geralt was starting to feel bad for eavesdropping. Not that he could help it. He was still standing at the entrance to the grand hall yet he could hear everything.

Jaskiers father hugged him next, it was not nearly as long as the outer two but both men were okay with it. Understanding that their relationship had never been one for long father son hugs.

“It is good to see you again my boy.” His hand clasped down on his son's shoulder.

The four of them stood close together, smiling more than Geralt ever thought possible. It almost made his heart turn. Deep, deep, deep, down the witcher longed for a family that would look at him the way they looked at Jaskier. He often cured the universe for not giving him an option when it came to what he had become. He clung to the few memories he had of his mother. But as years passed they became harder and harder to remember, more painful. But he had. Made a new sort of family over the years. From Jaskier, to his brothers at Kaer Morhen.

“(Y/N), mum, dad, there is someone I’d like you to meet.” Jaskier turned his head towards the door to the hall. Geralt stood tall, shoulders pressed back, his hair framed his face gracefully. Even in the entirely ugly attire he was in, he made himself as presentable and as proper as possible. (Y/N)’s eyes grew bigger when her eyes met his. He once again was taken aback by her beauty. Her eyes were a powerful emerald green matching similarly to the color of her brother's tunic, but brighter. Her mouth fell slightly agape when she realized who it was. The eyes were a dead give away that he was in fact a witcher, but once she saw the silver medallion that rested on his chest, she knew.

Jaskier nodded his head for Geralt to walk forward and he did, his footsteps were light, his pace slow and steady as he walked closer to the royal family. (Y/N)’s hand gently covered her mouth in excitement. Her eyes flickering to her brother who grinned at her.

“A bit of an early birthday gift.” He winked. Once Geralt was closer to the group Jaskier turned so he could introduce them, at his sister's side. All eyes were on him. Even the few people who were still seated at the table were looking at him. He started to feel a bit more uneasy. He started to remember how far away his swords were if he needed them. This alone was beginning to make him panic. He was not used to being welcomed into royal courts unless it was specifically for a hunt.

“This is Geralt of Rivia, one of the most feared, renowned, and skilled Witcher’s the content has to offer. And also my best friend.”

Geralt's eyes were back on (Y/N)’s, his worries dropped more when she smiled brightly at him. Her eyes gleamed.

Geralt bowed his head to the three of them, “ it is an absolute pleasure to meet you, your highnesses.” (Y/N) was nearly blown over by the sultry sound of his voice. She had only heard stories of the witcher. Never see him for herself and definitely had never heard him speak. She never expected a monster hunter to be as handsome as he was. She admired every feature he had. Her eyes fixating on his chiseled jawline, the light gray stubble across his chin and cheeks.

“My, what a pleasure it is to meet such a famed warrior as yourself Geralt!” The king spoke before (Y/N) could, which she was happy about as she did not trust her voice to not waver at his beauty in that moment.

“You my dear are very popular around here. Your stories are legendary. The school children even host yearly plays, Reenacting your most beloved stories.” (Y/N)’s mother added her finger pointing light hardly at Geralt. Her hand came out gracefully from her side to shake the Witcher’s hand. He gently took it, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. His attention returned to (Y/N).

“I’m terribly sorry I’m the birthday gift from your brother this year.” She shook her head almost as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Do not be sorry Geralt-'' the way she said his name made him feel as though he could keel over. “I would like to thank you, for protecting my brother for the years you have. He never skips on his gratitude for you in his letter to me. For that we are all eternally grateful for you.” She reached her hand out. Geralt wasted no time in grabbing her hand, shaking it gently. He was dying inside, but he couldn't let her or anyone else see. He took a gentle step towards her, his head lowering softly, his soft lips were placed on the back of her small hand. The small action made the young girls' faces burn red. Her eyes flicked to her brother who smugly smiled, knowing danm well his gift was going to take the cake.

“Well, you both should come join us, we just started eating.” The king said with a smile, with a quick wave of his hand two more places we set.

(Y/N) gently removed her hand from Geralt’s. Walking towards the table, both men in tow. As she reached her spot she moved her plate and glass to the middle seat that had been prepared, leaving Jaskier a seat next to their mother and Geralt a seat next to her. They all sat and waited as food was served to them. (Y/N) could feel Geralt watching her as she ate, her brother deep in conversation with her parents about his most recent travels. But she wasnt listening. Her attention was only on the man seated to her left. She looked over at the man, eyed him up and down then turned to her brother. For the first time she noticed how ugly their attire was.

“Gods Jaskier who dressed you two?” She asked as she sipped her orange juice. Both men looked at her. Jaskier looked a bit hurt and Geralt only snorted.

“I told him the clothes were horrendous.” Geralt said beside the young woman making her giggle. The sound made his heart beat faster. This was also when he realized how sensibly everyone else in the room was dressed, and how much they stood out. (Y/N) was in a thin white cotton dress, it was around knee length and a light sweater was on her shoulders. Her mother and father dressed similarly. Their clothes looking normal, comfortable.

“Oh my dear brother. What have you done to the poor witcher.” She laughed, turning her attention to him. She could see how uncomfortable the clothes made him. The vest was way too tight and he was practically bursting out of his pants, not that she minded, she gladly enjoyed the view.

“He is torturing me. That's what.” Geralt scoffed and she couldn't help but giggle again.

“You're so dramatic Geralt it's truly not that bad.” Her head flicked to her brother.

“Jaskier don't be rude.” She tutted him like a mother, it made Geralt snort under his breath as he took a bite of his eggs. She stood and walked behind him. He was stiff at her movements.

“Do you mind?” Her fingers were on the strings of the vest. He shook his head no and she quickly untied the tight strings, and it fell from his shoulders. She took it off and handed it to one of the maids

“You can burn that horridly ugly thing.” She said as she sat back down.

“I do not remember you being so rude, little sister.” Jaskier quipped.

“What I think is rude is how you made sure you got the more presentable clothing and dressed your poor friend in those horrendous colors. Have you seen his pants, Jaskier?? It's a miracle he can still breath.” Her eyes looked towards the witcher who was already looking at her with a cocky smirk on his face, glad she was putting Jaskier in his place for the ugly outfit choice.

“I can take you to the seamstress later today, if you’d like Geralt.” Her smile was like a drug.

“I’d appreciate that m'lady.” He said softly.

“And I can show you around the city, both of you. But in return I would like to hear some of your stories, first hand if that’s doable.”

“That sounds like a reasonable trade.” Geralt quipped back.

“Then it's a date, Witcher.”

“A date it is.”

[messrmoonyy]

The fluff 49 with Remadora!!

I literally used to always just write from Doras thoughts yet here I am now obsessed with writing outta Remus’ head. Jealous Remus. We love to see it. Prompt from this list.

Prompt: ‘ is somebody jealous? ‘

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: mild language

You can find all my other writing on my masterlist and remember my ask box is always open, so drop me a request! Check my masterlist for who I write for!

Remus didn’t think he was a particularly jealous person. And he had plenty to be jealous of when he thought about it. But it just… never crossed his mind to be jealous. He was too far past having an emotion so useless, jealousy would never get him anyway. Being jealous of a man with more money than he had wouldn’t magically make a hundred galleons appear in his pocket. Being jealous of other people his age who were settled down with families wouldnt make his family return from the dead. Yet…. There he was, sat at his desk in the Grimmauld place library, practically seething.

He knew he was being ridiculous. Completely. But watching Sirius and Nymphadora laughing on the other side of the room was making his blood boil. He felt a little stupid in fact, they were related after all. But. The Blacks did have a bit of reputation for that didn’t they. And there was the matter that he’d heard Harry talking to Hermione about how he thought Nymphadora and Sirius were secretly a couple. And of course to top it all off Sirius had, and probably always would be, an absolute ladies man.

He didn’t really have a right to be jealous. Yes he and Tonks had been getting very… close, if that was even the best choice of words. He didn’t think close did justice right the several bouts of snogging he had found himself in a multitude of places around Grimmauld place. Only the previous night on the exact sofa she was pratting around on with Sirius now. Not to mention the nights Tonks snook into his room, or cornered him in the back of the library. And there was that one time he’d practically jumped her in the drawing room after a meeting. But there hadnt been any real discussion on what they were.

The only vague discussion being after their first kiss, when Remus has avoided her for a good four days after. Wracked with guilt that he’d let his self control slip. But she’d cornered him in the kitchen and forced him to confront the situation head on. He’d tried to tell her it was probably a mistake. That he wasn’t exactly the best of choices for her. But she’d told him he was ridiculous, that she didn’t care about his age. His condition. But there hadn’t been a talk on their situation since. He didn’t like to bring it up. Maybe it was simply casual for her. A late night hook up when she had stress form work to blow off. So he couldn’t be jealous could he.

But he was. Insanely so. His grip tightening on his quill as Sirius flung another awful joke at her and she threw her head back with laughter. Remus didn’t get it but she clearly did. He tried to distract his jealousy away by focusing on just how beautiful she was when she was laughing, how her eyes crinkled at the corners and her cheeks flushed pink. But it didn’t work as well as he hoped. Because if he noticed those things. Sirius must too.

“ if you two are going to continue being so noisy then would you just leave. Some of us are trying to work “ he snapped, slamming his fist to the desk for good measure. Sirius made some grumbled remark about Remus being a bore. But he didn’t care enough to pay attention.

“ ooo Tonksie that’s his professor tone “ Sirius said in a loud whisper before laughing again and nudging Tonks with his elbow “ sorry sir. Detention for talking in class? “ they both burst into laughter, Tonks steadying herself with a hand to Sirius’ shoulder. Remus sighed and tried to ignore them, his knuckles turning white around his quill. “ oh come on Re. Have a drink, lighten up “

“ I’m not in the mood. I’m trying to work “ he grumbled, purposely not looking over at she’d Sirius now had his arm slung around Tonks shoulders. He was being ridiculous. Though Tonks seemed to pick up on it.

There was then some hushed talking between the two of them, that his heightened senses would’ve allowed him to hear if he cared enough. But instead He huffed and looked back down at his mission report. There was the creek of the library door as Sirius left with another remark about how boring Remus was and then quiet. Assuming that Tonks had followed Sirius out of the room he debated on going to find her. But a few moments later her arms looped around his neck from behind him, her nose brushing against his cheek.

“ is somebody jealous? “ she said quietly, mischief evident in her tone. He’d hoped he hadn’t been so obvious. Clearly he had. Of course he had. He wasn’t exactly well practiced in the art of hiding his affections for someone. And besides, Tonks could read him like a book.

“ I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about “ he felt her smile against his cheek and she tightened her hold on him, bringing her chin down to rest on his shoulder.

“ he’s my cousin Remus. I might technically be a Black by name, but not by nature. Not really into the whole ‘ fuck your family members ‘ thing you know? Especially not Sirius. Merlin. It’d be like shacking up with a brother or something. Nasty. Ugh now you’ve put that imagine in my head “ she shivered at the thought and he couldn’t help but smile.

“ you said yourself he’s handsome “ he pointed out, remembering the conversation that had actually lead to their first kiss, in a much similar situation to the one they were currently in. His so thought non existent jealousy coming out to bite.

“ doesn’t mean I wanna shag him Remus “

“ you always have such a way with words “ she laughed lightly and moved around in front of him, hopping up onto the desk and folding her arms.

“ I’m quite offended actually “ Remus sat back in his chair and watched her intently. Her cheeks were flushed slightly from drinking “ I mean come. On. Remus. You’ll be saying I’m shacking up with Arthur next because I laugh at his dad jokes “ when she put it like that he guessed he had been a bit irrational with his thoughts.

“ I heard Harry talking about it with Ron and Hermione. I think most of the kids believe you and Sirius are up to something “ she scoffed at that and quirked an eyebrow.

“ so you’re listening to the theories of the most unobservant boy in the entire country? I mean I love the boy I do, but I think he needs a new pair of glasses. His clearly aren’t working well “ a small smile tugged at his face then, Harry was a bright boy but he did have a tendency to be quite…. Oblivious. To everything. Tonks was quiet for a few more moments before tilting her head to the side inquisitively, chewing lightly on her bottom lip. She looked deep in thought “ so what’s this really about then? “ Remus frowned and raised his hands as if in mock surrender.

“ nothing. I told you I heard Harry and the way you were with Sirius.. it’s nothing “ she rolled her eyes and hopped off the desk, stepping either side of his legs and wiggling to get comfortable in his lap. His hands flew to her waist, unable to stop himself as she placed her hands to his shoulders and titled her head again.

“ Remus “ her voice was slightly sterner but she was smiling at him “ you can talk to me. You know you can “ he debated telling her the truth. That he was just getting jealous because she could do far better than him. She could have whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted. And he was scared to lose her. What they had, whatever it really was, was great. Remus hadn’t been so happy in a long. Long. Time. He didn’t want to push too far and send her packing. But he didn’t want to hang too far back and have her run off to someone else. It was a constant dilemma in his head.

“ you and I “ he started, not really even sure where he was going with his speech “ it’s good. It’s. It’s marvellous “ she laughed a little and nodded with a tight lipped smile.

“ it is. Though I sense a ‘ but ‘ incoming “ he sighed and fiddled nervously with one of the beads on her shirt. They were haphazardly sewn all over it and he wondered if she’d added them herself.

“ I’m just waiting for the inevitable “ he said after another short moment of silence. Deciding now was a better time as any to tell her. She was stubborn and she had him right where she wanted him. So it was going to come out there and then whether he liked it or not really.

“ ‘ the inevitable’ being?…. “

“ finding someone better- no now before you make that face let me finish. Please “ she had sighed as soon as the words left his mouth, sitting back slightly with an eye roll.

“ Remus we’ve talked about this. Can you just get it into your head, that I fancy you. Not Sirius. Not some random ‘ someone better ‘. You “ he couldn’t lie that the words made his heart pound just that bit faster. The confirmation being all he’d really needed. But there was always going to be that worry in the back of his mind. It would never go away.

“ I know. And maybe I’m a fool to keep bringing it up. But you have to admit that I’m not exactly at the top of most peoples most eligible list “ she took his face in her hands then, making him look her in the eyes. He’d noticed she didn’t change their colour very often anymore after he’d made an offhand remark about how beautiful her natural brown eyes were. They were captivating.

“ no one else bloody matters though. You’re at the top of my list. That’s all that matters. Maybe I’m mental. Maybe I’m not. All I know, is you’re one of the only truly decent man I’ve ever met. You don’t make me morph. You’re so respectful it’s practically dripping off of you. And you’re proper fit too which is totally just a bonus “ he hoped she couldn’t feel his cheeks heating up under her hands. But her smile told him she probably could.

It was odd for him to look at her and think that some one could ever even have the nerve to make her morph for them. To fit their idea of what was perfect. He thought she was marvellous in whatever form she thought was best fitting for her each day. He’d never dream of making her change. In his eyes, there had never been a more perfect specimen of a person to walk the earth. She made him laugh. Made him feel normal. Cared for. He couldn’t believe she would ever have eyes for him. But she did. And he guessed that miracles must truly be real.

“ I’m sorry for being so jealous “ her face softened again and the backs of her fingers brushed over his cheek.

“ it’s fine. I mean. At least it shows you care? “ she laughed a little and he felt his tension melting away a little.

“ I do “ her hand crept towards the back of his neck, her fingers slipping into his hair and she shuffled a little closer again.

“ good. Now stop being a mope and realise we’re on own again “ she whispered the last part, her face inching closer so he felt her breath on his lips. And with a smirk she caught his lips in hers.

[yammoba]

Im not done actually. I wanna talk about the specific kind of catharsis that i have only really gotten from ranfren and like, the hazel video about Elfin Lied.

I grew up on the internet. I spent a good portion of my youth using the internet to try to escape all the things that sucked in my life, my shitty friends, my body, feeling like a powerless idiot. Feeling like a total outcast because no one knew what wolf's rain was. I wrote edgy stories about assasins and murderers because that kind of stuff felt cool. (Serial killer ocs were everywhere it was hilarious) It felt like a way to state my individuality. It felt freeing to think about that kind of stuff when i was supposed to be a "good" kid. I watched elfin leid and thought it was the most deep anime i had ever seen (seriously go watch the hazel video about elfin leid, on youtube, she does a better job characterizing being this age at this time than i possibly could). I watched all sorts of edgy problematic skits and shit on youtube.

And i cannot stress enough how much 4chan was a central part of internet meme culture. But also saying this, it doesnt really explain, 4chan was a lot different back then. Now i think most people on the outside equate 4chan with /pol/, and while /pol/ is a scumhole of a board that does polute everything else, it isnt and never was the only thing on that site. There was more cross over between the various boards, and gamergate hadnt happened yet so, while "edgy" jokes were the norm it wasnt nessecarily about the actual meaning behind the jokes. It was more of an arms race to see who could be the most shocking. Pedobear was a widespread meme. He would just show up, the joke was, its a bear who likes to molest kids wow. But the "comedy" came from using him to twist stuff that would otherwise be inncocent. Im not saying its a good joke, i think its more that people have forgotten or never known the comedy was "supposed to" come from the shock, the subverted expectations of normalcy. South park shit. Though id argue south park is worse at actually promoting and spreading harmful mindsets the internet had a lot more genuiene connection and wholesome moments that made it a little more valueble than south park. But the two do kinda go hand in hand.

Of course there is something to be said of how this culture of offensive shock humor became firtile ground for alt right fuckos to spread their fucko shit to people who's brains were still developing. Im not trying to say that this era was a Good Thing, im just trying to explain some context as to why folks are able to forgive and look past these kinds of things, especially in cases where people have shown themselves to be different, even if they never "apologized". Its easy to look back and say everyone should have known better, especially an "adult" at age 23... guys i hate to tell you this but you dont automatically gain level 10 pure sight on the eve of your 18th birthday and are instantly able to see all the ways in which the world around you is wrong and fucked up. Especially if the general cultural vibe in the spaces you're hanging out in is "lets be fucked up on purpose because it fun and no one understands us anyways so lets see who can be the edgiest." Like yeah, we "should have known better". The general online culture has made vast strides in promoting acceptance and justice, even though theres a bunch of fucks up and stuggles that we are all still dealing with.

As someone who lived through that time, and used stuff like elfin leid, and higurashi and tohou memes and weird 2chan and 4chan memes as a way to cope, to escape how i felt, to feel like i was "in" on something. To feel like i wasnt alone. Both in a cultural "weeaboo" way and in a direct way. where i had online friends and we did edgy wolf rp and talked about our psychic assassin ocs with heterochromia and purple hair but made sure to give them lots of "flaws" because these werent mary sues no way only loosers have self insert mary sues.

Im referencing all these specific things because when i read randal's friends it was like someone took that time in my life, both the aesthetics (of anime, of the internet) and the feelings and wishes, the alienation. The feeling like a fucking weirdo but having to learn to take some kind of pride in that because i didnt really feel like i had anything else going for me. Feeling simultaneously above everyone because I had Refined taste, and like sewer scum because i just was. It took all that and presented this story thats like, ah yeah, -me too-. That was a fucking time wasnt it. It was pretty funny that we were like that, it was fun to have so few inhibitions. It was a time which we lived through. and it can just feel... validating to see a story that makes you feel in some way "no i wasnt alone". And its also just like, nostalgic. I think about this a lot but theres a certain kind of nostalgia that one can feel for things that werent nessecarily good. Or for things that were difficult or troublesome. The fact that the comic is on a neocities website is kind of the perfect example of this. Every webcomic used to have its own site, and you have to have a bookmarks folder for your webcomic and everyday (since most of those bitches didnt stick to a schedual) you would go through and check every website to see if there was an update.

Ughhhg, what im trying to get at is there are reasons why both the more "acceptable" parts of ranfren and the "problematic" elements of the comic are like part of the charm, because its cathartic and "nostalgic" and validating for someone like me, a weeaboo who got memepoisoned at too young of an age. And because that appeal is so specific to a certain part of the past it isnt like shocking that captain howdie has some not great stuff in the past. Nor is it really shocking that they havent felt like "adressing it and apologizing" or what ever the fuck some people claim to want.

Ill go through some of the stuff more specifically bc someone said they were curious, (might take me a bit i think i have a lot to say about the rats) but i felt like i had to try to explain why people (me) value this work, despite or in some aspects because of some of the more problematic elements. i dont even think i really did, its a difficult thing to express in words.

Tl;dr ranfren is pure catharsis for weeaboo weirdos who grew up during the darker ages. The bad things and the good things are part of that. There is not much that does as good of a job at being that.

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 1

Summary: After spending most of your life on suppressants and ignoring your second gender, you finally decide to embrace who you are with your alphas support. But what happens when your alpha Bakugou walks in on you nesting and sparks memories of your past trauma?

warnings: ABO, Nesting, ANGST ending with fluff,

***

Nesting. This was something you hadn't even attempted since you were but a small pup. Both suppressants and fear had kept any desire for this activity far away from you, until a couple months ago. That was when you got a courting proposal, your first ever.

It was a necklace, and not just your typical alphas 'just learned how to make jewelry with string'. No. This necklace required welding, a skill you had no idea about, but that just made sense for your alpha to poses. The chain was a simple silver, leading down to a locket with intricate holes on its top layer, creating an almost explosive like design. The cloth that sat inside was a ruby red color that matched the alphas eyes, and the scent it held was strong of caramel and ash.

Of course if Bakugou was to make a courting gift, his was going to be the best you had ever seen.

You had wasted no time in placing the necklace around your neck, relaxing as his scent filled your nose. It was from this point that you knew Bakugou would make an amazing alpha for you. After all, if he put so much effort into the courting gift, you could only imagine the effort he would put into courting you. Even then in typical Bakugou fashion, he passed all expectations.

It started with the way he would make you lunches, walk you to wherever you needed to go, and made sure to give you a thorough scenting only after he got permission. He always showed concern for your physical and mental wellbeing, stopping you from pushing yourself too hard in training and even scolding you for your self deprecating jokes.

“No one gets to talk down about my omega. Especially not my omega.” He had growled at you once. Again Bakugou did something unexpected, making your omega purr at a growl.

It felt so nice to have someone who cared about you. Someone who encouraged you to stop hiding your second gender from everyone but those in your own class. Not that you had even let your class discover on purpose, but the stressful situations class A had gotten in over the years did wonders for wearing off suppressants and scent blockers. 

He, along with your other classmates, had been building up your confidence in your secondary sex for years now. Bringing you to the realization that being an omega didn't mean that you were weak or any less than betas or alphas. Momo and Ochako were omegas after all, and they were some of the strongest people you knew. So once you had gotten an alpha your omega was basically begging to be set free, and you didn't feel like you had to deny it anymore.

So here you were, after 3 months of being off of the medications your hormones and instincts were finally leveling back to normal. It was something you had never experienced before, but you had Bakugou to help support you along the way. That's why you needed his scent in your nest. No matter how nauseous you felt walking into the young alphas room while you knew he was training, your omega refused to continue the day without at least one peice of his clothing. More than that and you were sure you would be sent into a panic attack. You had no idea how he would react to you doing this. Would he be disgusted? Angry?

Ironically the only thing calming your thoughts was to continue building the nest. Pillows upon pillows methodically shoved between various stuffed animals and blankets became nest shaped as the time passed. Soon enough you were left with just one item left, one of his favorite skull shirts. You had wanted to take something he would miss less, but they weren’t drowned in his scent like this one was. You sat back into the middle of your nest to take a thorough look around. You didn’t want to take too long to decide a place for it by now as you were getting tired. Not to mention you were going to go out on a movie date with Bakugou so you also needed to get ready for that. You would have checked the time if you weren’t so fixated on your task, and that would turn out to be a huge mistake.

You had finally found the perfect place for his shirt when you heard your door open from behind you. In the middle of slipping the clothing item over your pillow you froze as your heart began to race. Your omega knew it was an alpha before you knew who it was and she let out a chirp before you could stop it.

All you could remember was the first time this had happened, an Alpha walking in on your nest. You were seven, not old enough to even present as an omega but tendencies could show early in childhood. You were excited and happily humming as you arranged your blankets, stuffed animals, and your parents best smelling clothes into small yet sturdy walls in the shape of an oval on your bed. You couldn’t help but feel safe, like you would no longer fall off your bed in the middle of the night, or that monsters or other intruders would quickly avoid hurting you once they got just a single sniff of your parents alpha scents. You were proud when you were finished and immediately snuggled into it for a nap, only to wake up to the scent of rotting eggs. A clear indicator your father was both near and very angry. All the yelling and trashing of your hard work that happened next was just a blur. But you could remember how you felt the entire time so vividly. The way your lungs seemed incapable of taking in air, the trembling of your hands and especially the weakness in your knees. Most of all, you remembered the absolute terror as your safe space was invaded. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as fast as your heart would allow it, and you could only sit back and watch.

It was that day that you first became aware that there was something wrong with you. Something gross, weak, and worth hating.

That’s why even when the scent of Bakugou filled your nose, your heart still didn’t slow down. In fact, it only sped up when you finally turned around to look at him, all of the hope you had gotten by convincing yourself he would be happy you were embracing yourself quickly diminishing. His brows furrowed more than normal and his mouth was set in a deep scowl, slightly open just enough that his naturally large canines poked out.

He was angry.

“Do you not know how to answer your fucking phone?! You were so eager to force me to agree to this date and then you don't even respond when I-” Your thoughts were racing far too fast to actually hear what he was saying. Your omega could only think of one thing, your alpha was angry with you. You messed up and now he was angry with you. It was just like your parents, you should have listened to them when they told you it was stupid to nest.

But you had worked so hard on it, and it made you feel so good. You didn’t want your nest to be torn apart again. The smell of smoke wafted from the alphas' palms as you were too caught up in your memories to really hear him. Hear how he was angry with you for forgetting about your date, angry that you had stood him up and too busy being upset to even notice that you were sitting in a nest. The smell of smoke invoked just another event in your mind, one that happened when you had first presented as an omega at 13. Something that caused the damn behind your eyes to finally break.

“PLEASE DON’T DESTROY MY NEST” You Omega sobbed, distressed chips flooding from your chest like air. “Please, please!”

Your outburst startled the Alpha into silence. He could only stand there and watch as his omegas scent was filled with fear as she wiped at her eyes aggressively. A first he was confused, letting his body pump out comfort pheromones instinctually as he let himself observe the situation. You were dressed only in your school uniform, clearly having been building the nest that surrounded you from the time you entered the dorm room to when he had burst into your room, now far past dark. You were trembling too, body curled up in on itself as you hiccupped and begged.

“Please, I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy! Just please dont destroy my nest.” Your voice cracked and it resonated painfully in his ear and his heart dropped. Why did you think he would destroy your nest? Sure he wasn't the best alpha but he wasn’t a monster. Did you really think he would destroy the one place where you felt safest? A weight grew in his chest that left as a deep growl,

“Here.” He growled, “Probably best if we just end this bullshit.”

This was all your fault. If you hadnt built this stupid nest in the first place, or even started crying like a fucking baby then this wouldnt have happened. But you were a weak omega, and just like your parents said, no one can love someone so weak. Especially not someone as powerful as Katsuki. You shouldn’t have let yourself believe that they were wrong for even a second. You had thought that Bakugou would be the one who would love you for who you truly were. But that was naive. No one could love such a burden. No one could love you.

The drop of the crafted bracelet to the ground seconds before your door slammed, leaving you alone once more in your room, proof enough of that.

Your parents were right.

A flame of anger lit in your chest. Why were you so unloveable just the way you were? Why couldn’t you just be different? Why couldn’t you be an alpha like your parents had wanted?

You could feel your nails extend into claws as the hair on your body raised. You glared at the soft material weaved together around you as hot tears built up behind your eyes. This time instead of being fueled by fear they were fueled by rage and resentment.

You were so angry. So angry at youself, at your weak omega, and especially at your stupid nest. You couldn't help but let a couple tears fall as you let your anger get the best of you, and you didn't stop it until you were heaving in the middle of your disaster of a room. Surrounded by torn pieces of fabric and the other contents of your room scattered by your tantrum, you finally let yourself breath. 

You turned around to see the item you had been avoiding, your pillow with bakugou's shirt. With a deep breath you grabbed a hold of the object, digging your claws into its plush softness. The caramel ash smell that permeated the air only helped to break down the remaining bits of your anger. And you didn’t want to be left alone with your despair just yet.

With the release of your breath a ripping sound could be heard. The shirt split and cotton popped out from the opening like popcorn. Once you had successfully dissected what had been a comfort item you threw it somewhere away from you and took another deep breath.

Now you were finally alone. Just you and your reality. You could really feel how much pain your omega was in as your hair began to lower and your normal nails returned. You had heard about this pain before. A deep one in your chest, heartbreak. Your omega seemed to curl around that feeling. Of rejection. Self hatred. That no one would ever need you, let alone want you. You could feel yourself start to slip into the limbo of numbness and searing pain.

An Omega Depression.

You remembered learning about it back when you were in middle school, most people were beginning to present as their second sex. Your teachers had emphasized how important it was to get medical attention at the first signs, you knew how dangerous it was, but all you wanted to do was lay there on the floor. You were tired, and what was the point? No one cared about you, not your parents… not Bakugou. Your throat strained painfully at that thought. Bakugou didn’t want you, and it was your fault.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby paced around the library as she muttered to herself, still not sure what she was even going to tell Blake and Weiss. Coco hadnt exactly made any of her feelings any clearer, only really muddying things up more. And yet, it wasnt like she could say Coco was wrong even if she wanted to. All she could do was pace and feel her heart race as she waited for her teammates to show. 

The minutes ticked by and soon Ruby found herself sitting down as she waited, fingers tapping against the screen of her scroll as she watched the time. An hour had passed since she texted her teammates, an hour of waiting as her nerves started to get the better of her and still no closer to having the words she wanted to tell them. A sigh left her lips and she leaned back in her chair. “Maybe this was a mistake.” 

“What’s a mistake?” Weiss asked as she walked over. “Sorry it took us so long to get here.” 

Blake nodded and sat down next to Ruby. “Yang wouldnt let us leave until we gave her our opinions on a few items for the dance. Not that she’ll really listen to us anyway.” 

“Yeah, she does get pretty excited about this stuff,” Ruby said as she rubbed the back of her head. “Though, I’m sure the dance will be fine.” 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Weiss asked. “You made it sound important.” 

“Y-yeah,” Ruby nearly stammered with a blush. “I-I wanted to talk to you both about… us.” 

“Us?” Blake asked. “What about us?” 

Ruby went quiet as her words escaped her, not that she had all the words together. “I-I uh… I think we make a good team! And that we should… talk about… maybe spend more time together and…” her voice trailed off for a moment as she felt her heart race. “And to help me be myself again.” 

“Yourself again?”

“You mean like how you havent been focusing in class and the way you’ve been trying to avoid us?” Weiss asked. 

“I havent been trying to avoid you,” Ruby said as she looked away. “Ive been distracted and-” her words started to quiet as she tried to find the right words again. After a moment of silence, she slowly stood up. “Actually, I think this is a mistake. I’m sorry for-” 

“Ruby, what’s going on?” Blake asked as she put a hand on her shoulder. “Whatever it is, Weiss and I can help.” 

Weiss nodded and flashed a small smile. “If you dont tell us what’s going on, then we cant help.” 

“*Its not anything you can help with,*” Ruby thought to herself as she sat back down. “Its not… you cant… I’m… I’m distracted… by both of you.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I cant get either of you out of my head.” Ruby took a breath to try to slow her heart as she felt it pound again, her fingers shook as she clutched the fabric of her skirt. “Maybe I’m sick or something but… at some point I couldnt stop thinking about either of you. My heart flutters when I’m near you, my cheeks heat up, and then I-I lose focus and… and then I…I…” She stopped once she felt her words get caught in her throat, more nervous than she’d been before. 

Blake smiled and rubbed Ruby’s back. “Sounds like love to me.” 

“Its not love!” Ruby half yelled. “Its… its not love, its… its something else. I want you both close and I want to be with you both but not… I dont love you, I just like you both.” 

“And we like you too,” Weiss said, a small blush crossing her own cheeks. “And I know we both want you in our lives too.” 

Blake nodded. “Though we should start getting back to the dorm. Its almost curfew and we dont need to get in trouble again.” 

“Yeah, we should head back.” Ruby stood up with Blake, her heart no longer pounding in her chest but her blush still just as deep as it’d been. And yet, she still didnt feel any less nervous around Blake or Weiss, the two of them still in her mind as she walked with them.

Prev

[savingprimrose]

Hey there, I see youre asking for prompts and I had this idea a few nights ago: the survey corps soldiers are in a mandatory ball or smth like that for the military, and Levi sees the guys that hires him to kill Erwin all those years ago and he gets super pissed (because if he hadnt entered the corps he probably would have been sentenced to death for all his crimes, and then this rich guy plots to kill a high ranking military and a few years later he is free and partying like nothing ever happened.) Everybody sees he is in a sour mood, and Petra aproaches him to ask why and comfort him, whether he tells her what happened or not.

Anon, I'm so sorry it took me months. 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you like it!

READ ALSO ON AO3

Levi Ackerman hated going to Mitras for precisely two reasons.

One, he hates the rich, snobby people of the upper class.

And two, he hates parties.

And just socializing in general.

Talking to people makes his head hurt. And one of the main reasons that the Scouting Legion even goes to Mitras is, well, for number 2. And if number 2 is the reason why they’re being summoned to the capital then most likely number 1 is involved as well.

And well, you could say that Levi Ackerman will be having the worst time of his life. Thinking about schmoozing up to the rich - and expecting to dance with them with his two left feet - is making him wish he’d be eaten alive by a titan instead.

Levi sulks at the edges of the ballroom, arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. He fishes out his pocketwatch from his coat pocket and curses under his breath, he’s only been here for literally 30 minutes and yet he feels as if he's been stuck in this cursed place for all of eternity.

Erwin has left him to go talk with Zachary and the other commanders, Hange is talking the ears off of some noble about titan research and hoping to get much-needed funds for the next expedition, while Mike and Nanaba are having the time of their lives - drinking and dancing.

And his whole squad is missing. He hasn't caught sight of them since the moment they stepped through the threshold of the palace.

"I'll go and fetch us some drinks, Captain."

Eld had said 30 minutes ago. He hasn't returned since.

"And I will get us some snacks."

Oluo had said right after but knowing him, he's probably trapped some new recruit in a corner and started flirting with them.

Levi wonders where Gunther and Petra are. They went off to dance around the same time Eld and Oluo excused themselves. He stands on his tiptoes and cranes his neck in search of them, quickly spotting Gunther on the other side of the ballroom, headed towards who he thinks is Eld.

Petra, on the other hand, is still missing.

Levi sighs and lowers himself back on his heels, slipping his pocketwatch back in his coat.

He decides to hunt down his squad - just so he can bid them good night. He's not needed here, anyway. And his headache is killing him.

Levi opts to find Petra first since he already knows where the boys are. He makes his way around the perimeter of the ballroom, looking this way and that for the familiar flash of sunset-colored hair.

He thought it would be easy to spot her from across the room with her hair but that has proven itself difficult with the number of tall people around and it pisses him off. He has gotten elbowed too many times in one night for his liking and Levi clenches his jaw tight.

Fuck tall people.

He decides to get some fresh air before trying to look for Petra again. He is nearing the balcony when he hears a familiar giggle behind his back and whirls around only to collide with yet another tall person who can't even be bothered to look at where they're going.

The collision caused a vein to pulse in his temple, making his headache even worse than it already is.

"Pardon me. I didn't see -"

The man stops mid-sentence upon seeing Levi's face and Levi has never wanted to kill a person so hard in his life than this very instant.

“I see you’re still alive, Levi,” Nicholas Lovof smirks, looking down his long nose at him.

Fuck this tall bastard most of all.

Levi’s blood begins to boil, “I see that you're out of prison you crusty old piece of shit."

Lovof laughs and Levi felt his hands twitch by his side, itching to punch the older man in the face.

“There’s nothing money can’t buy, Levi.”

Levi balls his fists and grits his teeth, doing everything he can not to slip the dagger out of his waistband and slit the bastard’s throat open right then and there. Levi hates how money makes the world go round. If he did not join the Scouting Legion he would've been thrown in jail for all the crimes he's committed and for all the people he's killed.

He would probably even be dead by now.

Lovof sneers, “What? Nothing to say to that, street rat?”

“Get out of my sight,” Levi seethes, each syllable laced with hatred and disdain. His hand subconsciously moving to the dagger at his waist.

Lovof's eyes dart to the movement of Levi's hand and his face breaks into another shit-eating grin, “You can’t kill me. You can’t even kill Erwin.”

A growl rises at the back of Levi’s throat just as a delicate hand wraps around his elbow, stilling his movement.

“Captain! There you are!”

His eyes fly to the hand curled around his elbow and he instantly knows who it belongs to. Levi watches as the hand slides down his forearm to cover his right hand and take it away from the dagger’s hilt.

He lifts his gaze from it and locks eyes with Petra as she squeezes his right hand with hers, “Dance with me."

She then turns to Lovof with a smile plastered on her face, "Excuse us, sir. I believe my captain owes me a dance."

Lovof smirks and raises his wine glass at him in a mock salute.

Levi nearly lunges at the old man but Petra squeezes his hand tighter to restrain him before leading him away from Lovof and into the throng of people in the middle of the ballroom waiting for the string quartet to resume playing music. The quartet begins playing a soft melodic piece that Levi thinks is more aptly played at a wedding.

“You know I don’t dance, Petra,” Levi nearly growls, still angered from his run-in with Lovof.

“Indulge me,’ Petra says as she transfers his right hand to her left and places it on her waist. She does the same with his other hand and leads him to sway alongside the couples beside them. She loops her arms around his neck and feels how tense his shoulders are. She gives him a small smile, one that he doesn’t notice as he is still adamant in glaring daggers at Lovof’s back.

Petra sighs as she leads him along in the dance. She knows that her captain hates social events but she has never seen him so close to stabbing a person in front of hundreds of people.

“Captain. Talk to me,” she whispers as she caresses his nape with her thumb, the gesture surprisingly tender and intimate and it catches Levi’s attention - his gaze finally drifting back to hers.

Levi relaxes a fraction as she continues to knead at his neck.

“That bastard should be rotting in prison,” He grumbles, hands tightening around her waist.

Petra nods, encouraging him.

”He’s -” Levi swallows, tries to contain the anger rising up within him, “He’s the reason why Isabel and Furlan are dead.”

Oh.

Petra knows about them - about Isabel and Furlan. They were Levi’s family before joining the Scouting Legion. She knew that they died in their first expedition outside the walls but that was it - that was all her captain has told her.

Levi sighs and proceeds to tell her the rest of the story, of how Lovof tracked them down and gave them a job to kill Erwin all in exchange for health care for their friend Yan and citizenship above ground.

“The Scouting Legion was coming for us whether we accepted the offer or not.”

Levi takes a deep breath and stops their slow dancing while the couples around them continued on, “Citizenship on the surface was all we ever wanted, Petra.”

He opens his mouth to continue but closes it again, realizing that they look like fools - standing in the middle of the ballroom while couples around them danced.

Levi takes Petra’s hand then and leads her away from the merriment and out into the balcony. He lets go of her and leans against the balustrade, tipping his head back to stare at the star-studded sky.

"They told me to trust them and that they will make it out of that expedition alive, that we will finish doing the job together and live the rest of our lives above ground.”

Out here under the starlight, he is more open, more vulnerable.

Petra remains silent and lets her captain tell his story uninterrupted. She is content listening and just being there for him - whenever and wherever he needs her.

She tips her head back as well, admiring the way the stars glittered against the pitch-black sky as Levi continued.

“I trusted them.” Levi swallows, "But they died, anyway. I -"

There's a tremble in his voice and Petra sneaks a glance at him and the look on his face shatters her heart.

Levi bows his head and whispers, “I couldn’t save them, Petra. I couldn’t give them the life they wanted.”

A moment passes in silence before a laugh escapes Levi's lips - mirthless and hollow.

Levi turns to face her then, "But no regrets, remember?"

She searches his eyes and wonders how he truly feels. He says these things but his eyes say otherwise.

Petra gives him a small, sad smile, and nods.

"Yes, captain. No regrets."

[ladydevoir]

Weiss coming out as trans to her team?

The halls of Beacon were quiet as Weiss walked through, though she was glad for the peace as her mind was swimming in thought. She was silently dreading returning to her dorms, knowing what was waiting for her. But, she had decided tonight was the night, and she would not cower away from what she had decided to do. Best to get it over with rather than continuing to let her dread grow. Soon a voice broke her train of thought. “Hey Weiss~!” She looked back as the owner of the voice caught up to her, a plastic bag in hand. “Hello Nora, It’s good to see you. I see your trip to Vale was productive.” Nora beamed back at her with her usual energy. “Good to see you too~ And heck yeah it was~ Me and Ren found that cute coffee shop you told us about, Jaune actually managed to not throw up on the ride there, though he was wasnt as lucky on the way back, and me and Pyrrha went shopping for our dresses for the dance~ Oh, and here’s the stuff you wanted~” Nora held up the back for Weiss who took it and looked through it, a set of razors and shaving cream along with some skin care for after. “Thank you very much Nora. Im afraid I was starting to run low, and our team won’t be free to travel to Vale for a few days. Please, what do I owe you?” As she began to sift through her bag for her purse, Nora held up her hand. “Nuh uh uh, you dont owe me anything. Girls like us gotta stick together after all, and you’d do the same for me~” Nora’s usual high energy voice had softened as she spoke, to which Weiss was grateful. Since coming to Beacon she had been nervous about the truth coming out about her, thankfully Nora had seen through her immediately and been a true pillar of support. Weiss had been surprised and rather relieved when Nora had revealed she was just like her, and in moments like this it was wonderful to have someone to talk to and help her without any worry about questions she was not particularly wanting to answer. As if sensing some unease, Nora gently squeezed her shoulder and nodded her head towards a small bench in the hall. As the two sat down, Nora spoke up. “Hey, you doing ok? You seem off.” Weiss sighed and nodded. “I am just...nervous. I promised myself that tonight would be the night I tell the rest of my team, the truth about me.” Nora watched Weiss’s expression, seeing the build up of worry on her face. “You know the others aren’t going to suddenly turn on you just because of this, right? I cant imagine this would be a big deal for Ruby or Yang, and I doubt Blake would mind really.” Weiss let out another sigh and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes before responding. “I am fully aware that no one on my team will be upset or treat me any different.” “So...whats the problem then?” Weiss looked down, her eyes darting left and right to make sure there was no one else listening, before she spoke. “When Blake accidentally revealed that she was a Faunus, I….did not handle the news with grace. I accused her of having lied to us, keeping the truth hidden from us. And while I did apologise for it afterwards, I still cannot take back what I said. And that is why I am worried. I was so quick to accuse her of lying and hiding the truth and yet here I am, having done the very same thing since starting Beacon.” Her hands gripped one another as she looked down, shaking slightly. “My standing with Blake and the others is not exactly on stable terms, and I am afraid that revealing myself after all I said to Blake might cause more strife between us.” Nora listened quietly as she gave Weiss’s back a gentle rub. Thinking carefully before responding. “If you’re this worried, then why now? Why not wait?” Weiss took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, as if steeling herself for it. “Because I owe it to my team to be honest with them, especially after how I overreacted to Blake. I cannot allow myself to hide the truth any longer, even if…” She looked down at her hands, starting to tremble. Instantly Nora knelt down in front of her and gently cupped her face, speaking softly. “Hey hey, dont go working yourself

up over ifs and maybes. Sure, you said some things, but you said sorry, and they forgave you. Im sure they wont be bothered by this. And if things go south, hey you can always just join our team~! Though we’d need to work out how to include W to JNPR~” Weiss let out a sniffle and smiled, raising her head from Nora’s hands and slowly standing, Nora instantly hugging the girl, to which Weiss reciprocated. “Nora, thank you so much. You have been a wonderful friend to me and I cannot repay you enough.” Nora pulled back from the hug with a wide smile, her usual energy returning. “Hey come-on, thats what friends do, we look out for one another~” Weiss picked up the bag from the ground and nodded back, the two girls walking back to the dorms, idle chatter filling the time before they arrived, Nora giving a big thumbs up before entering her room, leaving Weiss with her hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before entering the room, barely having time to duck as a pillow came flying towards her, narrowly missing as she looked upon the scene. Ruby holding a pillow and swinging hazardly at Yang, who weaved out of the way and returned with her own swing, before the two registered Weiss and stopped. “Hey Weiss! You wanna join in~? Blake might join if its two on two~” Ruby chirped excitedly, her energy seemingly limitless. “Yeah come-on princess, I’ll be more than happy to whoop your butt as well as my little sis’s~” Yang said with a smirk on her face, before dodging a well timed throw from Ruby. Weiss sighed and picked up the pillow that had nearly hit her and closed the door, shaking her head. “Honestly it is a wonder how the two of you are considering becoming huntresses when you act like little children.” “Ah cmon Weiss-y, you gotta have a little fun now and then, whats the point of life if you stay ridged all the time~?” Weiss shook her head and made her way to her bed, placing the pillow onto it and sitting, restless as her worry was building up again. “Weiss? Are you..ok?” Weiss looked up startled at the last member of the team over on her bed, slowly closing her book and focusing her attention on her. “You seem….kinda tense.” Weiss took a breath to help calm her nerves as her other two teammates looked over, all showing a similar sign of concern. “Actually Blake, I need to talk to you. All of you, if that is ok?” Yang flopped down onto Blake’s bed and looked over at her, while Ruby sat down beside her, all eyes on her. “Whats wrong Weiss? Blake’s right, you’re looking real tense.” Weiss’s eyes focused on her hands as she fidgeted, trying to come up with the right words. She silently cursed herself, this should not be this hard. A hand coming to rest on her knee drew her from her thoughts as she looked over at her partner, a soft-yet warm smile on her face. “It’s ok Weiss, whatever’s wrong, you know we’re here for you, right?” Weiss felt herself relax slightly, thankful for her partner’s kind words. “Okay, I do not know how to properly say this, so please, be patient with me.” With a reaffirming nod from Ruby and an audible “Mhm” from Yang, she continued. “The truth is...I have not been entirely honest with the rest of you. And for that, I am sorry to all of you, but mostly, I am sorry to Blake.” Blake looked over, confused. “Weiss, what are you-” Weiss raised her hand to stop Blake, taking a breath. “I was not at all kind to you when you revealed the truth about yourself, despite the fact that in doing so, I was being extremely hypocritical myself. Ive been hiding a truth myself, and after all that has been said and done, I feel I owe it to all of you to be honest.” Weiss took a quick glance at her team, Yang’s expression was clear confusion, Ruby was still giving her the same calming smile, while Blake had become more focused on her. She took a deep breath and continued. “The truth is, I….was not born a girl.” Weiss waited for a response from the others, but when none came, she looked up at her three teammates. Yang looked somewhat shocked, Blake still had her focused look on her, though it was clear she hadnt

expected that. Ruby however, didnt seem shocked or surprised in the slightest. “So, like Nora?” Weiss nodded, and to her surprise found herself being wrapped in her partner’s embrace. “Aww Weiss, you dont have to be nervous, its not like we’d think of you any diferent, ya know?” Yang looked over, shaking off her shocked look and sitting forward. “Yeah, Rubes is right, you’re still our icy princess after all, right Blake?” Blake looked over at Weiss, her expression no longer one of shock, but of understanding. “You were worried I’d be mad at you, werent you?” Ruby and Yang looked to one another as Weiss nodded slightly. “I acted like you lying to us about yourself was such a big deal when I have been lying this entire time.” Weiss continued to hang her head. “Its ok Weiss, really. You already apologised more than enough times for me to know you mean it. And I get it, really. Growing up where you did, I know that kind of thinking isnt easy to get rid of.” Blake shifted herself and stood up. “But, you’re wrong about something.” Weiss looked up hesitantly as Blake stepped over to her, kneeling down in front of her. “You haven’t lied to any of us.” Weiss looked taken aback, not sure what to make of that. It was far from what she had expected Blake to say. “I...I am not sure I follow.” Blake smiled at her softly, resting her hands gently over Weiss’s. “You havent lied to us, because you arent pretending to be something you arent. You’re a girl Weiss, even if you weren’t born one. You haven’t hidden anything from us. From day one, you have been honest to us.” Yang soon walked over, sitting on the other side of Weiss. “Blake’s right, ya know? You’ve always been honest with us about who you are, and you didnt have to feel like you owed us to tell us.” She felt her eyes begin to well up, she knew they would accept her but she had fully expected Blake to be mad at her. To find not only was she not mad, but giving Weiss words of kindness and understanding as she had, it felt overwhelming. Said team was quick to embrace her as she felt a few tears flow, a small smile on her face. “T-thank you, all of you. I-I suppose I should not have been worrying so much over this.” Ruby gave her a gentle squeeze. “Well, worrying about things too much is something you’re best at.” “Hey!” They all laughed as they remained in their embrace, Weiss giving a gentle chuckle. Of course Nora has been right, she shouldn’t have been worried about hypothetical ifs and maybes, especially not with her team. A team that, day by day, Weiss would consider more and more her real family. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whooo boy, this, this was a tough one. Im proud of how her talk with Nora went at the beginning, I felt like I wrote that well, and yeah I HC Nora as trans. But writing her coming out to her team, I kept erasing and redoing parts because I really did not know how to do it right. This is one I feel like I should come back to when ive gotten some more experience writing.

[artreider]

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?