#had zero idea on what to do with the background lols

[screamingmorton]

hi :3c

[nimadjart]

Happy halloweeen. :)

This is the commentary track(?) to my digitober. It's just rambling, so don't expect anything too interesting.

This first picture came out on a whim, I originally didn't intend to do anything for this october. I had just arrived home from helping my mom out with something, and was in a good mood. I think this picture, as sketchy as it looks, reflects that feeling. I'm content with it - and it's halloween themed! All the better.

For the second, I tried to follow the "official inktober" list (something I'd drop quickly in the following days). I'm disastrous at making backgrounds, so I gave it a shot for practice sake. I think it's not a bad result, it almost kinda tells something of a story.

"Boots", hah. It's not terrible, but it's also missing a lot of polish. I think the idea behind it works well for a cute/sexy picture of Angewomon. Maybe some day I'll revisit it? I should put more practice into drawing the human form in the meanwhile lol.

I really dislike the fourth one. I think Lianpunmon deserves better art, so I'll definitely do it again some day. My skills are so undeveloped, it's very obvious seeing this poor hatching.

Speaking of hatching, I bit more than I can chew with this one. The composition isn't interesting enough either, and just like with Lianpunmon there's no story here. At least Angewomon seemed to be interacting with the viewer lol.

The sixth is something I liked better. It's kinda shody, but there's something of an urban fantasy thing going on.

The Vamdemon one I can see the faults: I need better line control, the shapes aren't locked in as well as they should be. Yet, I'm partial to it…

Rapidmon deserves better lol. I still really dig the idea behind this drawing, I just wish I'd have given myself the patience and time needed to render a kickass explosion.

SkullGreymon, I have little to comment. It has zero story, but it's carried by the vibes. It's the first (and arguably last lmao) time I think I was cooking with the halftones.

The tenth is arguably the peak of the entire month. It has some story, a neat composition, and acceptable execution. Strangely enough it was one of the quickest to make: I had an idea, and it came out in a few minutes (compared to some other drawings where I was fighting for my life), and it ultimately was one of the most interacted with drawings in my entire blog. Funny how that goes.

I like a lot the Piemon one, as bland as it is. It's like a design piece, more than a drawing. It helps that the perspective deformation hides my poor linework haha.

I went too hard on the Mephismon X one, to the detriment of the piece. Instead of adding texture, it just looks dirty. Damn.

The thirteenth one was my poor attempt at making a background. Originally, Bakemon was gonna have this devious, whimsical look, but as I finished drawing the stairs I thought "I'd be kinda tired after climbing a few floors", so I changed Bakemon's expression to reflect that. Just a little trivia.

The Jesmon is what I'd argue was my peak. Shapes are locked (as best as my skill lets them), values worked well, it told a story. It's my favourite of the month.

Fiftenth was made, mostly, trying to catch some Adventure buff to the ammount of interactions I'd get. I mean, I had fun drawing the characters, but the reality is that I had petty reasons. I don't dislike it though.

I know exactly what I wanted to do with the sixteenth, and I didn't achieve it. Looking back, I think I should've done it in BW, rather than grayscale, to make it pop more. Fix the composition too. It's too plain. Shame, I really like Lilithmon X's design.

Seventeenth was also one where I just phoned it in. I think the values are all over the place; though I do like the harsh light. Impmon is a lot of fun to draw, all things considered.

Greymon was fun, lots of fun to draw. But this was another piece where I went too crazy trying to use halftones, I ended up making something that lacked impact or presence. I do like, in a self deprecating way, how the background seems okay until you look at it directly and see that it's kinda bad lol.

I made Nefertimon's torso too long! I only realized when I was doing the finishing touches lol. Yet I like the whole thing a lot, I think the texture and lightning kinda sells it as a photo (the white border was an attempt at selling that further). Saw someone refer to it as "the last thing I see before I die", and that comment might stay with me forever lol.

The twentieth is another I had a clear picture in my head as to what I was actually hoping to make, but failed to. Instead of landing some sort of finish, it's on a weird gray (lol) area. Making clouds is hard y'all.

Twenty one is one where I managed to stick the landing to what I had in mind. I think the composition needed a few more minutes of baking, but overall I'm content with the result. Death-X-DORUgoramon is a complex design, so any degree of succesful translation is a win in my book.

I think I needed to draw some more background Kuramon for the twenty second. Y'know, to really sell the swarm thing. It's kinda too clean.

Before twenty three, I had never given myself the time to draw a tree shilouette. It was fun to turn off my brainfor a bit and just draw line, after line, after line, after line. I did the tree first, and then I tried to figure out how to make Shurimon. Originally, I wanted him to be hunched over more dramatically, almost as if he was climbing down the tree, but I was incapable of drawing it in a satisfactory manner. So this is what I got.

Twenty four is so bad! I think Monitamon came out fine, but the background elements are so poorly done! I'm so embarrassed! lol

Kabuterimon was really fun, very dramatic looking. I think it has some serious readability issues with the hands, but I don't dislike the idea I had at all.

Hackmon's drawing was done almost like a sibling piece to the fourteenth, Jesmon's. Like, Huckmon is somehow watching his exhausted future, yet he stands stoic. On it's own, I think it's plain. Like, it has some charm, but it's lacking in impact compared to the fourteenth. But maybe that's for the best of the story?

The Wizarmon sticker came through me realizing I wasn't practicing my lineart! So I did a sticker instead. This was actually version two, but number one was so bad I had to redo it. Despite it being a humble sticker chibi, it's overall the day I spent the most time drawing.

Twenty eight came from me realizing I hadn't done any Alphamon! So I did what I thought would look badass. As much as I like Alphamon, though, his shapes are difficult for me to grasp so it came out shoddy and weak lol.

Twenty nine, Ragna Lordmon vs Ragnamon, was hurt by me recording it. While an exciting thing to do, I felt like I wasn't allowed to do anything but move forward quickly, or to change things (I'd have moved both Ragnamon and the main Ragna Lordmon body closer to the center) that would've made the composition flow better. It's not an abject failure, and the video is fun to watch, but still…

Dorumon is a simple piece that I was a bit surprised to make. My birthday is not information I tell people, but I was just compelled to share a bit of myself. I dunno, it feels weird. I'm weird. It came out cute at least.

And at the last! Noble Pumpmon again. I'd love to tell you that I applied everything I learned throughout the month and it's my best piece and stuff, but that isn't the reality. It's a better show for a similar amount of effort compared to the October 1st drawing, but it's not some crazy good display of betterment. A bit, yes, but less than I had hoped.

If you made it this far into this silly wall of text I wrote, I thank you. I thank everyone who interacted with my drawings, it pleases me a lot to see that someone gave it a like, or a share, or a comment. I learned about myself, and my limits, through this experience. It was tiring, but setting myself the goal of "make a drawing a day" was, paradoxically, liberating. Like, now I had a reason to draw! (despite me having some comission work to do lmfao). It was nice. This was one of the most entertaining octobers in recent years. Thanks again to everyone who participated in some fashion.

[murderedbyhomework]

So I know the mlc fandom has already talked a lot about this scene of Di Feisheng standing in a shower of peach blossom petals from the mlc behinds, but I don't think we truly understand how romantic this scene is framed, even excluding the shower of flower petals.

In the mlc behind the scenes video the video was captioned 阿飛除了帥也浪漫 "A'Fei isn't just handsome he's also romantic", and the background music the editors chose to put is 想見你想見你想見你 (miss you 3000) from the show 想見你 (Someday or One Day). I won't bother with the plot summary bc frankly I had zero idea what happened in that show but I think the names are self explanatory lol.

Bonus lyrics from the background song bc I really am obsessed with that song:

想見你 只想見你 未來過去 我只想見你 （I want to see you, I just want to see you, no matter in the past or future I just want to see you)

穿越了千個萬個時間線裡 人海裡相依 (traveling into thousands of timelines, relying on each other through the midst of the crowd)

用盡了邏輯心機 推理愛情 最難解的迷 (used all my logic to try work out love, the hardest mystery to solve)

會不會你也 和我一樣 在等待一句我願意 (are you just like me, waiting for that one sentence of "I do")

[montammil]

Forever Be Mine, part 6

This one is pretty relaxed compared to the last few parts lol. Here's the masterlist!

CW: Stockholm syndrome, manipulation, mentions of torture/murder, implied noncon, intimate whumper

...

"Felicity? Can I ask you something?"

"Make it quick, I'm a little busy. If you need money, I can send you some later today."

"I'm not Griff. I was wondering if you had any... relationship advice?"

"And you called me out of all people?" Felicity snorted. "I'm too much of a workaholic to even consider love. As long as you haven't been stalking them, I'm sure you'll be fine." Rowan went silent. "Goddammit, Rowan. Again?"

Rowan wouldn't dare tell her he went even farther than just that. "He hates me. What do I do?"

"I don't know the guy, I don't know what he's into. Probably people not creeping on him," she huffed. "Give him something he likes--and not something you like that you want him to like. Not a hundred roses or some expensive brand of wine he's probably never heard of. Treat him like an actual human with thoughts and emotions and not some pampered pet. Just... be normal." There was talking in the background. "I gotta go. I think you'd have more luck asking Griffin about this."

As if, Rowan bitterly thought. Griffin's idea of romance was fast food and video games. "Fine. Talk to you later."

"Don't do anything stupid." And then she hung up.

Rowan sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring at his ceiling. This entire time he had been forcing Sawyer to conform to his ideas of romance, so perhaps it was time to take some advice for once. He was desperate. Hopefully after this, Sawyer would see him for the perfect boyfriend he was, and come crawling into his arms with love and devotion.

An idea popped into his head.

Sawyer flinched when the shed door creaked open. Rowan knelt down, draping his large coat over his shivering form. He cut the rope and helped Sawyer into the warm coat.

"Let's get you inside, babydoll. You're ice-cold," Rowan murmured, holding Sawyer's hand and walking him inside the cabin.

Rowan brought him to the bathroom, and to Sawyer's shock, left him alone to his own devices. Sawyer turned on the bathtub's tap, waiting until the water was steaming. He slowly sunk into it. It was heaven compared to the freezing temperature he was kept at in the shed. He sunk lower until only his eyes were peeking over the water level.

Once he was warmed up, his mind wandered to Rowan's behavior. Despite not knowing him for long, he figured the first thing his captor would do would be to ramble and insist on giving him zero personal space.

Did he grow tired of him? Did this mean he'd let him go? Or...

Sawyer shook his head. He tried not to think too hard about it and washed himself as fast as possible. When he was done, he climbed out and dried off, finding a pair of neatly folded clothes on the counter. He put them over his aching limbs, just a normal t-shirt and sweatpants. He exited the bathroom to find Rowan waiting for him, holding a bowl of what he assumed was tomato basil soup.

"How was your bath?" Rowan asked, motioning to the couch. Sawyer obeyed and sat down beside him.

"Nice. Thanks," Sawyer whispered.

"Here. You must be hungry." He took the bowl from Rowan and held it close, letting the heat warm him up. "Eat up." He picked up the spoon and dipped it into the red liquid. The spoon was trembling in his hand.

Rowan didn't miss it, because of course he didn't. "Do you want me to feed you?"

Sawyer shook his head. "No. I got it." He didn't, but there was no way he was going to be coddled even more by his kidnapper. He ignored Rowan's burning gaze on him and he ate the soup in small bites. He couldn't understand Rowan, nor did he really want to. All he could do was keep him happy enough so he didn't end up back in that awful shed. He offered his empty bowl. "Thanks."

He smiled and took it. "You're welcome. Stay right there, I got you a present!"

If he had learnt anything about Rowan these past few weeks, it was that his gifts sucked. Sawyer never wanted to look at expensive jewelry or roses ever again. He wondered what horrible gift he was going to receive now. Probably a collar, at this point.

Rowan came back holding something small in his arms. Sawyer curiously stood up to get a better look at it, just to see a small white cat curled up in his arms. Sawyer froze. Rowan approached him with a huge smile on his face.

"What..." Sawyer could barely speak, his hand reached out to the cat, who happily rubbed his face on his palm. "What did you do?"

"I knew you liked cats, and even though I'm not the most fond of animals, love is about making sacrifices. And before you say anything, I didn't buy him from a breeder." He handed the tiny fluff ball to Sawyer. "He had previous owners who got rid of him because he's deaf, or so that's what the shelter said. He's perfectly healthy."

Sawyer looked at him then at the cat. "You're giving me a cat?"

"Yes! Don't you love him?" Sawyer nodded. "See? I'm a good partner!" Rowan smiled proudly.

If Sawyer weren't so distracted by the cat in his arms, he would've scoffed. Instead, he cradled the furball to his chest. "What's his name?"

"Whatever you want it to be, my love."

He frowned and rubbed a finger between the kitten's eyes. "Casper." He still hated Rowan's guts, and he felt anxious now that a cat was in this fucked up situation, but it was hard to be mad at him right now. He was a sucker for cute things, and this fluffy creature was purring contentedly in his hold. He almost forgot that this whole scenario was forced upon him by Rowan. Almost.

Rowan placed his hands on Sawyer's waist, but didn't push things any further. He leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Do you like him?"

Sawyer didn't want to be too thankful, lest Rowan got ideas that he owed him something. Besides that, he still hated his guts. "Yeah. He's cute." He hugged Casper a little closer to him.

"I knew you'd love him!" Rowan beamed. "Now that I have your approval, I'll get some toys for him. I already got food and a litter box. Anything specific you want for him? I've never owned any animals, so I don't know much about taking care of one." He sheepishly smiled. "Maybe a collar and a bed for him? I'll let you pick them out, and I can pick them up from the store."

"Uh, yeah, a collar, and a bed would be great. Thank you," Sawyer mumbled, still hugging the cat tightly. "And maybe a scratching post."

He didn't like the happy expression on Rowan's face, the bastard didn't deserve to be pleased, but he couldn't help himself when a soft cat was purring in his arms. He always wanted a cat, but due to money being tight, he never wanted to bring another living creature into his shitty living situation.

And even now he didn't, because it was somehow worse... but it'd be nice for someone other than Rowan to keep him company. It was selfish, he knew, but he was so lonely here that he was willing to subject a cat to Rowan.

"What is your ideal date?" Rowan's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Not with you."

"Sawyer," Rowan warned. He placed his hand on Sawyer's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

He sighed. "I dunno. I haven't been on many dates. An aquarium sounds cute, but I know that'd be too public for you, right?" It was meant as a sarcastic jab, but Rowan took it genuine and nodded. Sawyer resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I like ice skating, but I guess that's also not your type of scene. Whatever, doesn't matter anyway. I'm gonna go to bed."

Rowan watched the man walk off with Casper still in his arms. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

...

"What's this?"

"A lake to skate on! I made sure it was thick enough to walk on without breaking. And after this, we can have some hot cocoa and a nice cuddle session by the fire."

"Uh... that's... cool." Sawyer scratched the back of his neck. "I guess. But uh... why?"

"Because you wanted to go ice skating. And since a public skating rink would be trouble, I decided this would do. Again, I made sure it's safe, so don't worry your pretty little head about that." Rowan booped Sawyer's nose. "I ordered us some ice skates too, of course." He grabbed two pairs of black ice skates from the car's trunk. He led him to a log, brushing off the snow, and then gestured for Sawyer to sit.

Sawyer did so, albeit reluctantly. He watched Rowan kneel to slide his shoes off and replace them with the skates. It got harder to resist the urge to kick him when Rowan pressed a kiss to his ankle as he laced up the boots for him.

As Rowan put on his own pair, Sawyer got curious. "Have you ever ice skated before?"

"Well... no, but it can't be that hard, right? How different could it be from roller-skating?" Sawyer chuckled at his ignorance. Oh, he'd have fun watching him tumble around. "I'm excited to try it with you." He pulled Sawyer up, walking awkwardly to the frozen lake. "Just... hold onto me so you don't fall," Rowan advised, intertwining their gloved fingers.

Sawyer didn't know why he didn't pull away. "Alright," he agreed, his other hand clutching onto Rowan's arm.

Rowan stepped onto the ice, wobbling slightly. "Oh, okay, that's a bit harder than I expected." He slid his feet forwards, pulling Sawyer with him. "You're doing okay, right?"

He couldn't help but grin. "Yeah." Rowan looked ridiculous with his lanky limbs sprawled everywhere and his ungraceful movements. It was the funniest thing Sawyer had witnessed in a long while. "Having fun?"

"Oh, yeah, a blast." He slipped and nearly fell, catching himself with his hand on the ground. Sawyer covered his mouth, muffling his laughter. Rowan glared up at him. "Okay, okay, laugh it up. You have a clear advantage over me here." He pushed himself back up to stand. "Help me." Sawyer obliged, extending his hand to Rowan. "How did you even get so good at this?"

Sawyer pulled him up. "Ice skating was a huge hobby of mine when I was a kid. My parents wanted me to do hockey, the more 'manly' sport, but I liked figure skating. They eventually just gave up."

"Do you still ice skate? I don't recall ever seeing you go to any skating rinks..."

Right when Sawyer was starting to relax, he was reminded this man was insane. "I don't. I had to sell my skates when I went broke." He bit his tongue. He hated telling people personal information, let alone people like this. But there wasn't much he could do about it now. He couldn't afford to upset Rowan anymore. He didn't want to be punished again, and he definitely didn't want to be thrown in that godforsaken shed.

He didn't want to see that ever again. Crazy how that was less than a day ago, and now Rowan had the gall to act like none of that happened.

"That's a shame. I bet you looked lovely on the ice." He kissed his forehead. "Well, whenever you like, we always have this area to skate together. At least until it starts melting." Rowan chuckled and moved his legs like a newborn deer attempting to stand. He had fallen again, but he managed to catch himself in time.

A sadistic part of Sawyer sparked whenever he saw Rowan stumble around like an idiot. It felt nice seeing him being the one out of his element, considering everything else he'd put him through. He couldn't help but take enjoyment from the rare opportunity of seeing the usually overly-confident and arrogant Rowan in an uncomfortable position.

Soon enough they both grew tired (aka Rowan was done embarrassing himself) and retreated to the cabin.

Rowan sat Sawyer down and prepared a cup of hot chocolate for him, adding some marshmallows and whipped cream on top. He set it on the coffee table and grabbed a blanket from the couch to drape it over Sawyer. Casper settled on Sawyer's lap and purred loudly, seeking pets.

Sawyer took the mug and blew on it. "Thank you," he mumbled before drinking some of the warm liquid.

"No problem, sweetheart." He sat on the couch next to him and placed his hand on his thigh. Sawyer looked down at it but didn't move away. "How was it?"

"How was what?"

"Our date." Rowan squeezed his leg, thumb rubbing circles on the inside of his thigh. "You didn't say much."

"Well, I was busy laughing at you," Sawyer pointed out, continuing to drink his hot cocoa. He licked away some foam that clung to his lip. Rowan stared at him intently, almost hungrily. "But it was... fine." He paused. "I guess."

"That's it? I expected a little more from you. Especially considering everything I did for you," Rowan scolded, his tone dangerously low. His hand stopped moving and tightened on his leg. Sawyer shivered. "I bought you a fucking cat. I skated with you even though it's freezing out. I cooked your favorite meal. I held back from touching you when I desperately wanted to." He leaned closer. "And I get nothing but a 'fine'?"

"I thought this was to make up for looking me in a damn freezing shed, not to guilt me into kissing your ass," Sawyer replied bluntly.

Rowan scowled. "Don't get snippy with me."

His word choice made Sawyer snort. "Well, sorry I'm feeling 'snippy' after being stalked, kidnapped, branded, and watching you kill a man. Forgive me for not being in a stellar mood." Rowan stood up, and Casper jumped off his lap at the sudden movement. Sawyer realized he made a mistake and was quick to amend it. "I didn't mean it, please don't put me back there."

When Rowan went silent, opting to stare at him, Sawyer realized he wanted him to continue.

"I'm thankful for everything you've done for me... and I loved our date. I'm sorry I'm so nonchalant about everything, I haven't been in a healthy relationship in years. This is just new to me." Sawyer's lip wobbled, only at the thought of being placed in the freezing cold again.

Rowan folded his arms. "I understand that, but I've been so patient with you. I think I deserve something in return, don't I?"

Great, now Sawyer didn't know how to further manipulate himself out of this one. Then, an idea popped in his mind. He dramatically sighed. "I just wished you'd see me for more than sex."

That was all it took for Rowan to fall for his bait. "Sawyer," he began softly, his scowl turning into a concerned frown, "is that all you think I'm after from you?" Sawyer shrugged and averted his eyes, faking embarrassment. Rowan had already fallen for similar acts in the past, but when it came to Sawyer, all logic went out the window. "Oh, honey, that's not true. I don't just want your body, I want everything of yours. Your mind, body, and soul belongs to me, and I want to cherish it all. I don't know why you would ever think so low of me."

Sawyer lowered his head, fighting back a smirk. "Sorry. I'm sorry, it's just hard to believe that sometimes. I'm used to guys being like that."

"I'm not those types of men, my love."

"I know." Rowan was worse. "It's just... that's why I have a hard time showing I'm grateful for things. Because people have done so much for me in the past, just because they wanted a quick fuck." He took joy in seeing how guilty Rowan looked. Good. "So I'm sorry I've been so dismissive. I'll try to be more grateful."

"Oh, sweetheart." Rowan placed a hand on his cheek. "I'll prove it to you. That I'm not like those men. That I truly care about you, not just your body."

Sawyer wasn't buying any of it. But he had Rowan right where he wanted him. Rowan was eating out the palm of his hand, like an eager dog wanting attention. "How?"

"We can cuddle, and watch what ever you want." Rowan grabbed Sawyer's hands, running his thumbs over his knuckles. "I know I can be impatient sometimes when it comes to more... intimate activities, but I'll slow down. Whatever you need. Cuddling you and having your full attention is more than enough for me right now."

"Okay," Sawyer replied simply, making sure not to let his fake shyness slip. He didn't want to oversell this.

Yet the 'for now' didn't go unnoticed. Sawyer had no doubt Rowan would eventually expect more from him again. He just had to hope by then he could manage to escape without incident.

"Then it's a deal!" Rowan beamed. He practically dragged him to the bedroom, tossing Sawyer onto the mattress. "Sorry," Rowan chuckled. Sawyer had to admit, Rowan was incredibly strong, especially for a guy of his build. He easily lifted him and tossed him around like he was light as a feather. Sawyer hoped that wouldn't turn into something disturbing. "Scoot over a bit, I'm going to set up the movie."

Sawyer had to admit, being around Rowan wasn't as insufferable as it was before. Sure, he still despised him, but... when he wanted to, he could be sweet.

Well, as sweet as a manic kidnapper could be.

Rowan let Sawyer choose from the list of movies, to which he settled on a nostalgic 90's film. Rowan wasn't too interested in it, but if it made Sawyer happy, he was glad. He was too busy staring at Sawyer to actually pay attention to the screen. Sawyer was aware of this and refused to give Rowan the satisfaction of him meeting his gaze.

Rowan nuzzled his face into the crook of Sawyer's neck and wrapped an arm around his waist. He peppered kisses along his shoulder and collarbone. Sawyer remained tense under the affectionate touch, not allowing himself to enjoy it even in the slightest.

He tried not to be annoyed with Rowan constantly interrupting his viewing to shower him in attention, but he had a feeling this would happen.

"I'm surprised you're not into this movie," Sawyer muttered. "Do you not like nostalgic things?"

Rowan paused in his ministrations. "Hm? No, I do. I just didn't watch much TV as a child, so I don't know these films. I'm sure it's wonderful." He pressed a kiss to his pulse point. "I'd much rather focus on you anyway."

Sawyer suppressed a sigh of frustration. "Alright then."

Halfway through the movie, Casper hopped on the bed and flopped between Sawyer and Rowan. Sawyer cracked a smile and patted the bed to coax him closer, so he could pet him. Casper purred happily and headbutted Sawyer's hand.

Rowan was less happy. "This is our moment, can't he wait?" he whined.

He huffed and rolled his eyes. "He's a cat, Rowan. He can't see what we're doing. He just wants cuddles."

"So do I!" Rowan exclaimed indignantly.

"You're such a child." Sawyer rolled his eyes, but still scooted closer to Rowan's side, just to shut him up. He leaned against Rowan's chest, keeping a hand on Casper's head to stroke him. He could feel Rowan grinning above him and he repressed the urge to shove him away in disgust. He focused on the screen in front of them, determined to ignore the arms wrapping around him possessively.

It still felt nice to relax for the first time since he had been kidnapped. Not that he was warming up to Rowan, surely not... Sawyer just appreciated having his nerves calmed after that horrible week he endured.

Before the ending credits finished rolling, Sawyer's eyelids grew heavy and he found himself dozing off, head resting against Rowan's chest. He heard Rowan's soft chuckling and a kiss being pressed against his hairline. He grumbled, too tired to care about the intimacy, and just sunk deeper against Rowan's warmth.

...

Taglist: @morning-star-whump

[taralen]

Why I draw Spamton the way I do and in defense of the "Tumblr sexyman" Spamton G. Spamton. An ESSAY.

EDIT 2/3/24 - Fixed some grammatical errors, changed font colors to make them easier to read against a white background, and reframed some of my arguments, especially regarding the "Yaoi style" portion, as it came across as ignorant and spiteful.

I follow the #spamton tag here, and I hate to say it, but it's full of artists jabbing at other artists who so happen to draw Spamton handsome. I see comments like, "No, he's a middle-aged sleazeball who is grungy and dirty." Often, these depictions show him with graying hair, ratty clothes, and covered in filth and grime. While there is nothing inherently wrong about drawing him this way, I find it disingenuous that the same people who draw him this way criticize people who draw him more handsome and or clean-cut because this depiction is even less based on his canon appearance than someone simply drawing him more realistically proportioned and with a pleasing visage (the definition of what this is varies by artist, but they're all often reduced to just "tumblr sexyman.") I see similar comments by people who draw him in what they may describe as "disgusting" or a "dirty scammer."

If Toby intended for Spamton to look dirty and gross, he would have simply gone with a similar design route to this character as an NPC in Undertale.

Toby or other official arts never depict him with the following, even though I see it in fan art all the time:

Ball-jointed hands. Some artists draw them properly and make them look super cool. Simple lines aren't how they look in reality, but I get why people do that. Either way, it's not canon.

Dirty with tattered clothes. Spamton is only ever shown with a black blazer. It's debatable if he wears pants, but Toby has also drawn him with a collared shirt and tie.

Graying hair. Should be obvious. He's only ever seen with jet-black hair.

Overweight/Fat. While some fan depictions of this are cute, it's not canon. Spamton is always drawn thin but not necessarily in shape.

Buff. Same as the above. It looks really good in some fanart but is also not canon.

Tail. It can look really, really cute, but not canon for him or any of the Addisons.

Feathers. Only Swatch and the Swatchlings are depicted with feathers in Cyber World.

"40+ years old" - There is zero evidence of this in-game or in official merchandise or media. This assumption apparently comes from people assuming that his birthday would be the same as the first "spam email," which (at the time of this writing) was 46 years ago. This is a false equivalency since there is no indication that Spamton has any associations with our real-world history of spam emails. It should also be noted that this was not a true spam email. The only thing closest to Spamton in association with real spam email history may be his favorite year, 1997, in which spam marketing emails became frequent nuisances. However, actions to stop spam mail started in 1996, and it was by the 2000s that they became a serious concern because technology had since advanced. If he were truly born in 1978, he would only be 19 by 1997. While not impossible, it's not how most people see him in his Big Shot years of barely just entering adulthood. Also, as someone who has lived through most of the 90s, I can attest to a lot of this. Spam stuff existed, but news reports only heavily got into it by the 2000s.

100% Inorganic or Robot. While a cool idea, there is more evidence against this, like his ability to eat, sleep, and genuinely feel pain.

Boobs. I get most people who do this are doing it for fun, but it's not canon to his design, lol.

Tall. The most obvious one. Spamton is below average height, as made evident by his nearly 1:1 scale with Kris, a teenager.

Toddler-sized. Same as above. I won't lie that it can be drawn super cute, though. Haha!

With all that being said, why is it such a contention among his fans to depict him as handsome?

There is evidence to support that Spamton is at least, to some degree, good-looking but unconventionally attractive based on several sources. It should be noted that people often use his shop sprite as the best representation of his head, but this isn't accurate, either. In Undertale and Deltarune, because of its cartoonish sprites, it shouldn't surprise anyone that Spamton's are the most inaccurate and change frequently. Another user posted an entire comparison of all his sprites and how drastically inconsistent they are. I tried searching through my likes for this, but I can't find it. If anyone finds this, please link or reblog it to this post. Anyway, the intent of the post was to show artists that there are numerous different ways you can interpret Spamton's design with what's provided in the game, alone.

Stuff people often miss that is canon:

Lips. Believe it or not, this bastard's got kissable lips. Toby's recent art and his Neo attack are proof of this.

Eyes under the glasses. Seen in his sprite of going "BIG SHOT" the first time with Kris. It also hints at heterochromia because they contrast in color with yellow pupils under the pink and pink under the yellow.

NEO has no visible jaw hinge line. Only puppet Spamton does. Big Shot Spamton doesn't have one, either.

NEO's glasses' colors are reversed, and they are pince-nez style.

Androgynous sense of fashion. This is the least missed one, but it's worth mentioning. Spamton has no issues wearing pink, a color nowadays associated with women, and the NEO body has fabulous heels in addition to mostly being a magenta pink. The dress on the mannequin that greatly resembles him (and may hint at him being a white Addison before) shows a pretty dress that mirrors the one Mettaton wore in Undertale.

So then, WHY is he being depicted as handsome or unconventionally good-looking a BAD thing?

There really shouldn't be an issue with it at all. It's less offensive and technically more canon than many of the supposed depictions of him being a sleazebag who looks like he hasn't showered in a century and is hooked up on drugs or booze. You don't become a media darling without a charming personality. Mettaton only got successful in Undertale before he got his EX body because there was literally nothing else the people could watch. Spamton, on the other hand, was competing against many, so he had to stand out and look good even with the help of Mike (and possibly Tenna).

I often see people make this very reductive argument that it's a "yaoi style." This is by far one of the stupidest arguments I've ever seen. Drawing good-looking men is NOT equivalent to liking Yaoi. There are plenty of other genres of Asian-origin or Anime-styled media that feature pretty boys that have nothing to do with Boy's Love. Even Shounen anime has some bishies. Drawing bishounen-style male characters is a design choice and does not indicate someone's interest in Yaoi media. I swear, I have never seen this problem with Eastern fans. It's rude to lump people with similar art styles under something most people who make this claim don't even understand. I've seen people make upset comments about other people calling their style stuff like "Cal-Arts" even if they never went to Cal-Arts or like the media produced by them. It's the same principle. Stop lumping entire artists under one umbrella.

I draw him handsome because it's simply the way I see him. I love many other depictions of him, undoubtedly, and I even have a sticker set that depicts him with the graying hair, but it looks really good anyway. My point is, the fact that people who draw him dark and handsome shouldn't be scrutinized any more than people who draw him way more off base.

My personal contentions with the assumption he is a "dirty sleazebag old man."

I find this absolutely hilarious because this is a genuine stereotype and stock character of people similar to him. The douchebag salesman is a trope that's been around for a long time, but people don't seem to realize that this is a caricature and not representative of real salespeople.

Go to any @$%^ing department store or even an electronics one. Do you ever see anyone selling you stuff looking like they crawled out of the trash? Most are lower-class people who can't find any other job, meaning they are stuck with sales. It takes skill to be a good salesman, and I hate to brag, but I can probably sell you a #@$%ing soap bar and convince you that the extra $10 you're spending on it over a drugstore brand is better for your hands by deeply moisturizing them through herbal extracts and only "naturally" derived cleansing agents. Your hands are dry from the cold, drawing moisture out of them, so the investment would be worth it for the health of your skin during this harsh winter season. Why risk a drugstore brand that will only make your hands feel even rougher, flakier, and cracked? Stuff like this requires you to look someone in the eyes and observe who they are—their body language, way of carrying themselves, and the cadence of how they respond to your words. Does it always work? No. However, do you think anyone would $%^&ing buy ANY LEGAL PRODUCT if a salesperson looked like they were a shady crack dealer who was suspicious as %^&( to deal with? NO. It's a stereotype caricature for a REASON. It's meant to demean the reality of the salesperson who is forced to peddle a stupid product for a living. It's hard, and if anything, GET MAD at the people who are the ones making the crappy product! Yeah, some salesmen are bad at their jobs, but do you really believe that Cyber City's #1 RATED SALESMAN got there from being mediocre?! He may have gotten outside help for something that Toby never made clear, but he definitely does NOT lack the personality to make a great salesman. And believe it or not, there is plenty of evidence to prove he WASN'T bad at it! The other NPCs sell stuff that was once his goods but with his labels removed, and based on his statement of wanting to "make his own deals," this heavily implies he was NOT selling products he wanted to sell before he became a Big Shot. He has a strong sense of pride in the way he sees and presents himself, and I think this may be overlooked by people who make him look as ratty as possible.

I will also CLEARLY state this but this depiction overall does several of the following, which I KNOW many people will say is bad:

Ageism. Why do so many people, mostly Zoomers, assume that a man in his 40s is washed-up, gross, or even considered old? I've seen hotter men in their 40s than some young men in their early 20s.

Downplays his mental health struggles. One of the best things about Spamton is how he DOESN'T play into just the "sleazebag" stereotype. Once we go into his shop, we see that he is truly just a very broken man. His theme song is a FARCE to try and convince you that he's tougher than he really is.

Classist/Poor-Shaming. The assumption that a homeless person has to have no sense of cleanliness. Please, for the love of all that is good, meet actual homeless people. Not all of them are like this. Spamton clearly keeps himself rather clean for someone who dumpster dives. He is trying to stay true to himself, and his sense of self is one of pride. There is no dialogue or description to imply he smells or lacks proper hygiene.

Again, while there is nothing inherently wrong with drawing him this way, I just want people to be more aware of why they draw him this way. Think of it like a thought experiment to reflect on why you see him the way you do. How I draw Spamton comes from a place of deep empathy, love, and life experiences I've had in sales in addition to ALWAYS being customer-facing, meaning I know what works and what doesn't for over a DECADE. It's rather bizarre to me that people who claim to be big fans of him draw him in such a demeaning way that goes beyond the canon depiction and lowers him to absolute dirt, almost like beating this character with the ugly stick just because it's "funny." Is he a tragic character to you? Or is he simply a clown to laugh at for his failures and hardships? How we depict and see people is utterly fascinating because it reflects in real life, too.

You can take the exact same person and show them to different groups of people, and they will all see the same person differently. They don't have to be artists, but they tend to vary if you ask their opinions. For example, I think the actor Mads Mikkelsen is very attractive, but I know many who wouldn't understand why. A guy I've had a crush on for years is one of the hottest men ever to me, but a friend of mine called him "just a guy."

I fully understand that some people find the way I draw him stupid. It is what it is. I can't force you to like it.

I'm simply trying to point out my reasonings for why I draw him this way, and I would like others to think about their methods, too, and NOT to bash other people outright or go "ewww Yaoi tumblr sexyman" just because someone doesn't depict him with stereotypical traits or as "100% canon style" (which is mostly just copying the game's sprite style.)

[amhrosina]

Your Pretty Heart (Billy Russo x f!Reader)

A/N: Anyone else widely obsessed with Pedro Pascal and The Last of Us right now? Being back in my Pedro era feels like getting home after a long ass trip. Should I write for some of Pedro's characters?? SOS! Also, I hit 800 followers today??? Like what??? Thank you to everyone who supports me and this account!!

Request: ex’s to lovers with Billy Russo or Matt Murdock. Where Frank and Karen “help” Billy/Matt get their ass together to get back with Reader. Because come on their clearly still in lovee. 

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: When you and Billy break up, Karen takes it upon herself to get you back together. Her plan comes to a head one night at Josie’s, and you and Billy must face the consequences of loving and leaving one another. 

(Warnings: so much angst, cursing, Billy is a soft!boy at heart, soft!Billy, descriptions of smut (but like romantic descriptions, not graphic ones??), I think that’s it, it’s literally just really sad until the end lol) 

“You look great.” Your date smiled, but he wasn’t looking at your face. Instead, for the third time in less than a minute, his eyes trailed the sloping curve of your cleavage as it disappeared into your dress. You shrugged his gaze off, hoping there was at least something interesting about him to keep you entertained for the evening. Something could be there. Deep, deep, down, but there, nonetheless.  

“So, Brad, what do you do for work? When Karen set this up, she didn’t tell me much about you.” 

“I’m an accountant.”  

Brad nodded his head along with yours, an awkward bob as you waited for him to return the question. He didn’t, instead choosing to fix his gaze on the jazz singer across the restaurant. Zero for two, Brad. 

“Do you, uh, have any hobbies?” You tried again to break the conversation dam, but Brad’s attention was so far away from the table you were sharing that he barely glanced at you when he responded. 

“I jog sometimes.” 

“Oh!” You lurched forward, desperate to grab onto anything that might make this date less awkward. “I like to jog, too. I’ll listen to books when I do it to pass the time. Do you read at all?” 

Brad’s eyes flicked to yours, then back to the jazz singer. Uninterested, bored, and inconvenienced. That’s what his glance told you. 

“People who need books or music when they run aren’t capable of self-reflection. It’s how you grow as a human being, you know? You should try it.”  

You blinked. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? A pompous, arrogant, prick seemed like the winning description, and you chuckled as you looped your purse handle over your shoulder. 

“Well, Brad.” You stood from your seat, drawing his attention away from the band. “Congratulations. You win. I think this is quite possibly the worst date I’ve ever been on, and that’s saying a lot.” 

You didn’t deem him with an explanation as you exited the restaurant, but a vivid memory flashed in your mind of Billy standing you up on your anniversary last year. Yeah, that date was terrible, but at least Billy hadn’t insulted you after standing you up. He’d spent weeks apologizing with flowers, jewelry, and even cutting down on his time at Anvil so he could spend more time with you, but that date would always stick out in your mind as the beginning of the end.  

You shook the thoughts from your head, digging through your purse to find your cellphone. Karen was going to explain where the fuck she met this guy, and why she thought setting him up with you would be a good idea. She picked up on the second ring. 

“Karen.” You tapped your foot on the sidewalk. “What the fuck?” 

“Hey! How was the date?”  

Wherever Karen was, it was loud. You could barely understand her through the speaker, muffled by music and what sounded like a crowd of people in the background.  

“The date was so bad.” You almost whined. Almost stomped your foot at how unfair the dating world had become. Almost thought about how much easier it was when you were with Billy. “Where did you even meet this guy?” 

“At work. Was he an asshole?” She sounded apologetic, but the volume at which she had to scream her question into the phone made the entire interaction feel a little less impactful.  

“Grade-A Asshole.” You groaned. “Where are you?” 

“I’m at Josie’s, but-” 

“Great. I’m on my way.”  

You hung up the phone before she could respond and hailed a taxi. You felt a little guilty for barging in on her evening. Karen was a good friend, one that you’d clung to since you and Billy had gone your separate ways, and she deserved a night out without your moping. But the nagging feeling rolling around in the pit of your stomach told you exactly the reason you had to go to Josie’s. If you didn’t go hang out with Karen, you’d end up calling Billy, and the last thing you wanted to do was let him see you after a shitty date. You climbed into the taxi and hoped you could drink away the memories of tonight with Karen once you arrived at Josie’s.  

- 

Billy took a hefty sip of his beer as he eavesdropped on Karen’s phone conversation. Technically, it wasn’t eavesdropping if Karen had whacked him on the arm the second her phone started ringing, but it made Billy uncomfortable anyways. What they’d planned felt too much like a trick, and he didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. 

“She’s on her way.” Karen grinned, raising her beer in the air to clink bottles with him.  

Billy fiddled with the bottle in his hand, unsure if there was anything to be ‘cheersing’ to. 

“C’mon, Bill,” Frank grunted, meeting Karen’s still outstretched arm, “It worked. She’s on her way. Now, all you have to do is be a lesser asshole than her date.” 

“Don’t you think she’ll be furious when she finds out her entire evening was construed by her ex-boyfriend and best friends? She doesn’t even want to see me.” 

“Trust me, Billy,” Karen angled her head for emphasis, “She does. She just won’t admit it.” 

“How do you know, though?”  

“I see it on her face, and hear it in her voice, and she’s still sleeping on my couch. And you know what that tells me?”  

Billy rolled his eyes. “What does that tell you, Karen?” 

Karen’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “That she’s not looking for another apartment. That she still has hope that she’ll be able to go home, to your apartment.” 

Billy shook his head. “The market is insane. Maybe she just can’t find an affordable one.” 

“I saw three listed in the paper this morning. She’s not looking, Billy. She misses you.” 

Billy groaned, dragging his hands over his face. This entire situation was completely and totally fucked, and it was completely and totally his fault. He’d always been warned that his ambition would get the best of him. You’d slipped through his fingers so quickly that he got whiplash when he thought about the end of the relationship. It was like you were there one day and gone the next, and he had no idea how he ended up alone, stranded in his kitchen in the middle of the night because the idea of going to bed without you hurt too much.  

“What if it’s too late? What if I can’t fix it?” 

“All you can do is try, Bill.” Frank shrugged. 

“She loves you.” Karen spoke firmly, tapping her finger on the table, “And you love her. But she needs to know that. You have to show her that you love her.” 

“How? I thought I was doing that before.” Billy let out a disgruntled breath and cleared his throat.  

“Your priorities need to change. She deserves better than last-minute cancellations and rescheduled dates. You’re your own boss, Billy. You make the rules, and no matter how much money you spend on her, or how many gifts you buy her, she’s always going to remember the times that you didn’t show up.” 

Billy nodded. Karen was right, as usual. There’d been a significant change in the amount of time Billy was spending at Anvil, sometimes returning home early in the morning, only to change suits and leave again. It wasn’t your fault – it never was – but Billy couldn’t help himself from falling back into his old patterns. When shit got too real, he retreated, and it ended up costing him the most important thing in his life.  

Tonight was his chance to fix everything – to bring you home, to remind you that he adored you, to show you that his life was falling apart without you in it. All he had to do was get you to listen, and he was sure everything else would fall into place. 

- 

You took three steps into the bar before swiveling around and marching out in a dramatic fashion. Cursing Karen for conveniently forgetting to mention that Billy was with her, you tried not to stomp down the sidewalk that led to Karen’s apartment. If you had an apartment of your own, you’d surely be stomping your way there instead.  

You didn’t make it far before you heard your name being called behind you. Two distinct voices trailed you, but you were more focused on the lack of the third. Had he stayed behind at the bar? You swung around, almost slamming into Frank’s chest. Karen was a few steps behind him, and behind her, stood beautiful and broken Billy, hands in his pants pockets.  

“What?” You screeched, eyes flickering between the group. 

“I just wanted to tell you thaaaat,” Karen’s eyes twinkled, and you should’ve known that she was about to make your night go from bad to worse, “I’m going back to my apartment with my boyfriend, who is going to do very loud things to me for hours. If I were you, I’d steer clear of the whole block tonight.” 

You rolled your eyes and looked at Frank, whose innocent expression gave away Karen’s plan faster than you could piece it together. Clearly, this coup had been planned, and they were leaving you with no option but to spend time with Billy. 

“Is that so?” You narrowed your eyes at her, hoping she could read every nasty thought you’d ever had about her in your gaze.  

“Yep!” She hooked an arm through Frank’s and tugged him down the sidewalk. “See you tomorrow!” 

You watched them until they turned a corner, and you could no longer see them. When you turned to face Billy again, he had inched closer to you, standing a heady meter away with his hands still in his pockets. 

“Did you plan this?”  

The anger in your voice echoed across the concrete, slamming into Billy. He grasped his chest as if you’d shot him in the heart.  

“No. I didn’t even know there was a plan until I showed up at Josie’s earlier.” 

You hesitated to believe him, but something in the way he was looking at you told you to trust him. You looked him up and down, focusing on the way he looked worse than you’d ever seen him. For a brief second, you felt triumph over it. He deserved this after everything he did to you. He deserved to feel like shit. The triumph faded faster than it came, and an overwhelming sadness replaced the ire thoughts you were having about him.  

There were bags under his eyes, and you could tell he hadn’t been sleeping well. He never did when he couldn’t sleep with you. The facial hair that he usually kept so neat and maintained had grown beyond his usual boundaries, and the fact that he kept subconsciously scratching at it told you he didn’t like it. You tried not to let it get to you. You probably looked like shit, too.  

“How’ve you been?” His focus remained wholly on you. You rubbed the back of your neck to try and shake off his stare. 

“We don’t have to do this, Bil.” You looked at the ground, focusing on the crack in the concrete that crawled its way across the sidewalk, drawing a line inbetween you and Billy. You couldn’t decide if that was fitting, or incredibly sad. Maybe it was both. 

“We’re not doing anything.” He shook his head innocently. 

“You know what I mea-” 

“Come home.”  

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation as the two of you eyed each other. 

“Billy, I-” 

“Just for tonight. Until Karen’s apartment is...safe again.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, searching for an ulterior motive. And of course, there was an ulterior motive. You couldn’t blame him for it, because you knew if the roles were reversed, you’d be doing the same thing.  

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” You shook your head, more towards yourself than at him.  

“Why not?” He cocked his head to the side. 

“You know why.”  

He nodded but shrugged his shoulders anyways.  

“I’m not going to leave you out here with nowhere to go. It’s either the apartment, or we spend the next few hours in awkward silence at a diner.” 

The apartment. Not ‘my’ apartment. He didn’t consider it his when you weren’t there to claim the other half of it. You couldn’t lie to yourself. You wanted so badly to go with him, to see the home that you’d built with him. You wanted so badly to see how he’d faired over the last month without you. It was with all this in mind, and not how much you missed him, that had you nodding, agreeing to go home. Just for a visit, you repeated in your mind, just for a visit. 

When you stepped into what was once the living room you shared with Billy, you were struck with an overwhelming sense of familiarity. There was nothing different about it, except that the bookshelf was a little less stuffed than usual. You’d grabbed your favorites on your way out, unable to part with them, even just for a little bit. 

“Can I get you some wine?” Billy asked, already heading toward the kitchen to pour himself a glass. You nodded, shrugging your jacket off and trying to ignore the strangeness of being treated like a guest in the home that you’d lived in for years.  

When Billy returned with two particularly full glasses, you plopped down on the couch. You didn’t know how to act, or what to say, or who to be when you were around him anymore and falling back into old habits seemed like a grand way to get your feelings hurt again. 

“You didn’t answer my question earlier.” Billy took a swig from his glass, sitting on the armchair across from the couch. You silently thanked the universe that he had put distance between the two of you. The closer he was, the less clearly you could think.  

“Which one?” 

“How’ve you been?” 

“Oh.” You took a sip, only because it gave you something to do with your hands. “I’ve been alright.” 

He smiled, but the corners of his mouth didn’t reach his eyes. Anyone who looked at you longer than two seconds could see that you’re clearly not doing alright, but you’d grown comfortable living in denial, and you weren’t going to admit how not alright you were.  

“Heard your date didn’t go well.” 

You scoffed. Maybe it was the wine, or the way he looked smug about the fact that you’d had a shitty date, but you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.  

“Fuck you, Billy. It’s none of your business.” 

Billy looked startled by your outburst. You gulped down another mouthful of wine before rubbing your hand down your face. 

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I don’t know where that came from.” 

“It’s okay. I probably deserve it.” He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. 

“What happened to us?” You asked, gazing at the ceiling. 

“You tell me, sunflower. You’re the one that left.” 

Your heart ached at the nickname. It wasn’t fair that he used it, especially when you were clearly in a vulnerable mood, but you cherished it anyways.  

“You left first.”  

It was barely a whisper, said so quietly that you weren’t quite sure he had heard you. If the palpable tension that followed wasn’t indicative of his acknowledgment, the deep sigh that erupted from his chest soon after was indication enough. He stayed quiet, swirling the remaining wine in his glass around in small circles. 

You stared at him, unflinching in your assessment of his body language. He didn’t look as miserable as you felt, and a spark of anger ignited in your belly because of it.  

“Did you ever really love me, Bil?” You barked. It was bait, and both of you knew it. You’d never questioned his love for you, and he knew you were trying to get a rise out of him, but he couldn’t help stepping up to the plate and taking the bait. 

“What kind of fucking question is that?” He watched you closely. You tried not to let your triumph show on your face. “Of course, I love you.” 

He stood from his seat and rested his hands on his hips, willing you to do the same. Meet him where he stood, he dared, show him how much you still care. You were nothing if not a daredevil. You joined him in the middle of the room, pressing your index finger into his chest. 

“Well then, what the fuck happened?”  

“You. Tell. Me.” He gritted from between clenched teeth. 

Billy wasn’t being fair to you, and he knew it. You were asking a valid question, and he was cowering behind the anger and frustration in the room.  

“I can’t do this again, Bil.” You turned, reaching for your purse. A heavy tug on your elbow had you crashing into Billy’s chest, where he enveloped his arms around you and pulled you into a crushing hold.  

“You’re not leaving, are you?”  

There was a softness in his voice that tugged at your heartstrings. For a moment, you forgot you were speaking to a grown man and not an orphaned little boy. You blew a long breath out before shaking your head. He rested his forehead against your shoulder. 

“No, Bil. I’m not leaving.” 

“I always knew I’d end up breaking your pretty heart.” His voice was muffled by your shoulder, but you didn’t miss the slight crack in his words. “I knew I’d fuck it up eventually.” 

“I don’t understand what happened. Everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.” You blinked away the tears that had built up on your waterline.  

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry.” 

You cupped his face as he dropped to his knees in front of you. His eyes, now red-rimmed and glassy, pleaded with you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from lowering your body next to his. 

“What’s going on?” You asked him, eyes flickering between his fast-blinking eyelids and rapidly shaking hands.  

“I was afraid.” He cleared his throat. “Am. I am afraid.” 

“Of what? Where is this coming from?” You gaped. You knew Billy struggled with commitment more than most – it had taken him almost a year of serious dating before he could tell you he loved you – but you thought he had moved past that. 

“Tom’s getting married.” 

Your brow furrowed. “What does Tom have to do with us?” 

“Tom’s getting married, and all I can think about is how I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give that to you, and how you deserve someone who can give you everything you want and more.” 

You let his words sink into your chest, dissecting every interaction you’d had with him leading up to your breakup. It had been a slow descent, and when it finally became too much, you’d left with no clue how you ended up alone and sleeping on Karen’s couch every night. 

“Billy,” You shuttered, shaking your head as tears began to travel down your cheeks, “I never said I wanted any of that.” 

“It’s what you deserve.” 

“But it’s not what I want. Why couldn’t you see that I was happy with the way things were?” 

“I was terrified that you’d leave me. And then I became a shit boyfriend, and you really did leave me, and it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

You wiped the tears from under your eyes and sniffled. “You weren’t always a shit boyfriend.” 

Billy snorted, letting a small smile cross his face as he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. 

“Can you ever forgive me, sunflower?” 

You considered his question. If you were being completely honest, you’d forgiven him as soon as you saw his pretty, brown eyes across the bar earlier, so sad and searching for you.  

“Can you promise that you’ll tell me when you’re feeling like this again, instead of shutting me out?” You cupped his cheek, eyes flicking down to his lips and then back up to his eyes.  

“I can promise that I’ll try.” He swallowed, searching your expression. “Is that enough?” 

You lurched forward, pressing your lips to his. The kiss tasted of red wine and salt, and you were suddenly grateful that you’d slumped to the floor earlier instead of waiting until now, when your knees were weak and shaking with anticipation.  

“I love you.” Billy mumbled inbetween kisses. 

“Show me.” You responded, opening yourself to him for the first time in over a month. 

He took you right there on the living room floor, a flurry of intertwined limbs, swollen lips, and skin brushing skin. His lips only left yours long enough to whisper praises against your neck before returning to yours in a bruising kiss. When you came apart underneath him, you couldn’t stop the tears from forming, but he didn’t mind. He kissed the tears away, apologies in their own right, as he continued showing you how much he loved you. 

Later on, after hours of reconciliation and apologies, you collapsed next to Billy on the couch. You’d lost your clothes a long time ago, only covered with the throw blanket you’d purchased the year before on a whim, and you watched as he sighed in quiet contemplation.  

“We should tell Karen and Frank that their plan worked.” You rested your head on his shoulder. He smiled, pulling you into his chest.  

“Let them figure it out on their own. They’ll come around at some point tomorrow when you still haven’t gone back.” 

He was right. The next morning, when Karen and Frank knocked on the door, you and Billy were still cuddled together on the couch, so worn out from the night before that you hadn’t been able to muster up the energy to move to the bedroom. You took one glance at Billy before you were on him again, uncaring that your friends were waiting. That’s fine, you thought, let them wait. Let them wait. 

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[lily-alphonse]

your ancient gold biland post has captivated me 👀

HELL YEAH

Eiland x Balor (check out the original post here) are so good. I actually have so many ideas for them, even at just 4 hearts I think I have enough background to work with.

For one, Balor is the only character so far that has even a hint of a troubled past (which is like catnip to me I zeroed in on him right away lol). Besides the very obvious giant scar on his chest he has a line: "Elsie speaks fondly of the Capital, but that place only holds bad memories for me" ohoho when I read that I got lazer eyes like you wouldn't believe.

Eiland on the other hand is so naive and full of wonder about the world. He pushes for adventure even where it might be dangerous. He pushes even when those below his station try to argue with him, like he does with Errol. He's actually a bit of spoiled brat in that sense (I say with no hate, I love a complex character). He doesn't want to hear about how reopening the mines might be dangerous, he wants adventure and cool artifacts!

So already we have one approach, where Balor might harbor a bit of disdain for Eiland at first. He's a spoiled Capital brat who doesn't understand the work that goes into procuring his merchandise, stuff like that. Maybe they butt heads about that and its rivals to lovers. OR hatefuck to lovers, because Balor sees an opportunity to put Eiland in his place via domination. Or like I suggested in my original post Eiland just ends up with a crush on him because he's rugged and mysterious and worldly, and Balor sees easy prey in the innocent dork.

No matter how it starts, I think where things would really develop is as they uncover more about the other person.

Balor learns that Eiland actually grew up pretty neglected, and expected to meet a specific mold established for him long ago. Try as he might he never could outmatch his sister, who everyone compared him to. He felt really lost until he found his purpose in studying archaeology and architecture, and it was like a switch flipped within him. He wouldn't let anyone try to tell him what to do with his life anymore. He would speak up for what he wanted, because he had wasted so much of his life already doing what was expected of him (hence where the brattiness comes from).

Eiland learns from Balor that the world is not fair, and a darker place than he imagines. I don't want to speculate about Balor's potential trauma but I imagine it would make Eiland view the Capital and maybe even his family in a different light. Actually it might give him a new passion for making things right in the world now, rather than getting lost in the past and treating it like a different world.

I think they'd level each other out, with Balor grounding Eiland and Eiland giving him hope and whimsy. They would absolutely have dorky moments together. Imagine the Dnd night where Balor takes over as DM except behind the scenes they have recently gotten together, and Eiland is so proud of him for taking over. But Balor is lovingly exasperated with his silly archaeologist boyfriend who keeps trying to avoid fighting lmao.

WE NEED BILAND! Let me know what yall think

PS Check out this lovely fanart that inspired the first post. I dont think its meant to be ship art but it instantly had a gay lightbulb going off in my brain

[dullgecko]

Freshman year Riz and Fig headcanons

Fig used to try to get Riz to sneak out every other night. And yes, Riz could most definitely sneak out unnoticed by his mom, but he’d end up telling her where he went, leaving a note and texting her updates. Much to Fig displeasure.

Fig was trying to get Riz to update his wardrobe and ended up taking him to (fantasy) Hot topic and Spencer’s. And she probably should have hist told him what is in the back instead of warning him and making it sound like it was some cool secret. In the end it just became a shopping trip for her.

(We don't have Spencer's in my country and I had to look it up and LOL ok adult toys)

Riz is an excellent rogue, if he wants to sneak out of somewhere you generally won't notice he's gone until it's too late. As it stands though Riz thinks his mom has /enough/ on her plate without having the added stress of her son disappearing and not knowing where he's gone so he leaves a note. It's then that he remembers she's on the late shift and he'll be back before she's home anyway and sends her a text as well.

His mom is fine with it, mostly because he points out Fig would go alone if he didn't tag along, and just asks him to be careful and stay safe. In the grand scheme of things going to a 24 hour mall in the middle of the night is by far one of the least dangerous things he's done this year.

So Riz let's Fig drag him out of the apartment in the middle of the night (out the window and down the fire escape because that's what you're supposed to do when sneaking out). He's only mildly annoyed about getting pulled away from what he was working on, but its not like she woke him up and maybe stepping away for an hour or two will refresh his mind a little bit.

Fig doesn't tell him where they're going at first, just pulling Riz along by the hand and trying to be 'stealthy' as they wind through streets and alleys until they get to the mall. The bard tutting when she notices Riz texting his mom to let them know where they'd gone before he shoved his crystal back in his pocket. "You know you're really ruining the whole 'rebelious teenagers sneaking out thing' by telling your mom right?" Fig teased, still practically dragging the goblin as she lead him across the carpark and into the store. "Yeah well, I don't want to be an article with the headline 'disappeared under mysterious circumstances'." Riz winced as he was pulled into the bright lights of the mall, eyes having adjusted to the darkness outside and taking a second to get used to his now well-lit surroundings. "What are we even doing here? I thought you were kidnapping me for like... midnight ice-cream or something." "Oo! Good idea for next time but no." Fig grinned stopping in front of one of the stores and gesturing at the entrance with a floruish. "Weeee are going to get you some better clothes." The rogue gave Fig a confused look, tilting his head to the side as he looked at the clothes displayed in the store window. "I don't think they're really..... I like my clothes? Whats wrong with my clothes?" "Well for starters, I've seen in your closet and you have zero casual wear." "I do too." "No, those are all button ups and suit-pants and before you argue one t-shirt and a pair of shorts doesnt count. I know those are your pajamas even though you never wear them, and everything else you own makes you look like a background extra in a movie set sixty years ago."

Riz just frowned at that, the bard rolling her eyes and dragging him into the store with her. Everything there certainly suited her style, he thought to himself, letting her shepherd him along and point out things she thought he might like. She was mostly grabbing things for herself though, holding them up against her front as she looked in one of the mirrors against the wall. "I don't think any of this stuff would really suit me Fig." Riz gave a pair of pants a very skeptical look, wondering why someone would pay that much for something that seemed to already be damaged. "Well, we're not leaving until you pick something.... stop looking at the price tags too. You're not buying it I am, as like... a friendship gift. We can get matching outfits."

That made Riz pause, pupils narrowing to slits as he thought hard about it. Friendship outfits would be nice, he liked Fig a lot and they were friends and this is a thing friends did. He heaved a sigh, letting Fig shuffle him along to another section of the store with no resistance this time.

"Ffffffine. Okay. But just like, a t-shirt or something. Something normal not like" Riz waved his hand at a shirt that looked like it had more holes than fabric, Fig nodding enthusiastically now that he finally agreed. "Awesome! Go pick something then, i'm going to go try these on. Just don't go in the rear section you wont like it."

It took Riz a while to find something he was okay with wearing, mostly because he thoroughly traumatised himself by doing exactly what Fig told him not to do the instant she went into the changing rooms. It wasnt his fault, she set up a mystery about the back of the store and he was bored. It was like dangling a carot in front of a horse.... a now sort of traumatised horse.

Either way, they left the store after a few hours. Figs arms overflowing with bags compared to Riz's single purchase, he hadnt gotten away with just a tshirt but Fig was pleased with herself because now he had a 'normal teenager outfit' to add to his closet (even if he was confused as to why his new pants had to be already ripped).

[fiercefauna]

@tiredsn0w @ironymobile (and everyone) this is so far the ending of it. Between their relationship- 049’s latest “patient” and the over all effects of their antics on Keplerian politics this has been a long - long - story. Chapter 22 - 24 (see thread below for the other parts) This current draft is my second - mostly I’ve had this going in the background and used it as means of stopping myself from working on other things I was supposed to be taking breaks from.

“il medico della peste” was a ref to a kind of Italian comedy theater I read about on Wikipedia where plague doctors were stock characters. I imagined 7cb7 reading something like it while trying to find out just what the hell 049 was. lol.

Fiver uses French again to command Lazare, (I googled it so it’s probably not great.)

That said people can now read the whole thing - (if they want.)

Part 22.

Zero’s were ambush predators, big and slow until the forearms unfolded to seize a prize Uhmishie unscathed for the spawning pins, or deliver an instant death for the table. 0pt8 would have surely shot the Asu if not for those forearms. 5a82 had wiped out nearly half the rebel leadership and his status as a lab rat was supposed to excuse everything? Perhaps if the real Asues hadn’t burned up in Earth’s atmosphere there would have been no need to scrape bottom.

It also seemed that what happened in Under-Vegas didn’t necessarily stay buried there. 

A hideous, human attempt at a Two emerged from the holding area and stepped out into the glassed-in, forested maze, kneeling and resting its pale proboscis upon the shoulder of the measly thing it coveted, not caring that 0pt8’s eyes were open. 

“Drop your weapons and show us your hands!” Six armored rebels charged in and immediately dropped their own weapons. Call something an Asu enough times and people start to believe in such things. 

“Prenez leurs armes!” said the runt in a Terran language 0pt8 couldn’t recall the name of, the words seeming to melt into each other, like wax. The dropped weapons were swept up by the big Zero’s tail. 

The runt nodded toward 4b80’s cell. “Let it out.”

“That’s a Fed.” Warned one of the captured soldiers. “It’ll turn on you like it turned on us.” 

Five-aye kept his weapon at the ready but was very sure not to point it at anyone. His hands wanted to kill so badly even though his mind very much did not. 

“Why did you run away?” Pressed the squad leader. “Couldn’t someone else have retrieved 049 - do you have any idea how risky this was?”

“Uh - ”

“That boyfriend of yours isn’t dangerous, is he?” 

7cb7’s voice came in over the intercom. “How ya’ll doin’?” 

Part 23.

An hour later 7cb7 sat with Forby, Tasha, Seedy, the Doctor and the Asu, who was still, unfortunately, in possession of a loaded weapon and, absurdly enough, an eerily silent Zero who appeared to be under the weather. Accommodating the Zero had meant remaining in the greenhouse proper, among the massive machinery, dripping condensation and immense weight of the new situation resting upon all of their backs. “The resistance has agreed to house Aven-10 at Headquarters along with their entourage for the time being, so no one’s going back there any time soon.”

Seedy and the room’s additional guards shouted “WHAT!” 

7cb7 waited for them to calm down. “The Aven says that Tutu was behind the attempt to kidnap Five-aye and the Doctor back there in the Ewysschie Shelter. Claims they’ve gone rouge along with some of their military cronies and says they’re here to ‘offer protection.’ The rest of the Feds are backing their claims. Tutu is currently, officially missing.”

Five-aye stood up. “My parent would never betray their masters!”

“I don’t buy it either, could be their masters ordered them to betray. The Feds desperately need a villain right now as villainizing us is no longer working. The press have been calling the guy a weirdo so the government is well aware of your parent’s scapegoat value.”

Seedy was assembling something that was quickly confiscated by a guard. They replied, as if in protest, “What happens if this place is attacked?”

“The processing center will be fortified, the greenhouse will have to take it’s chances. We can evacuate people from it and pipe out the fish if need be.”

“Why the fish?” Mumbled a guard. “Do you want several tons of dead fish across the street from headquarters?” Mumbled another.

Tasha seemed distracted by the Zero, but turned away when it met her stare. “Are we going to have to join the resistance officially?” 

“For now you’re officially prisoners. I’d recommend you help train our personnel in the care of the facility in case you have to leave. The Asu and his Paramour may eventually require relocation and you’re still the only mammal specialist on the planet - the only one that matters anyway; the others are all close relatives of Aven.”

Slowly it dawned on the Asu just how much escaping the compound had shaken an already crumbling edifice over everyone who’d ever spoken a single kind word to him, but it was worse than that. “The Feds will make this all about me and my parent and the Doctor instead of about the war they started! They are turning this into reality television, and I was way too fucking stupid to see it!”

7cb7 laughed bitterly. “We saw it long before you did, I guess we should have told you something but feared you’d take it as a threat to your relationship.” 

“But weren’t you planning to separate us all along?” 

“Uh, excuse me, Doctor? Something you want share with the room?” 

“I experienced uh, an attack of the nerves.” 

Both creatures eyed each other disdainfully but silently agreed that surgical addiction was a discussion for another time. Five-aye’s legs refused to fold back under the chair and his hands clenched into fists. “You thought he’d died?”  

“For a little while. Plans were made to keep you in the dark but I wasn’t part of them. You - you did say you wanted us to provide him some enrichment - ”

Five aye left the room ignoring all objections to that end. The Doctor rose to follow but 7cb7 swept around in front of him and pointed to the restlessly shuffling Zero. “First, deal with your friend!” 

Part 24. 

7cb7, the Pathra, the main asset of the resistance had 5a82 not returned, had presented the supposedly deceased former assassin like that stupid monkey had presented Simba in that ridiculous movie from Earth, but it had not relieved them of their duties to the cause. 

What they wanted was to spend the whole night with their lower limbs detached and not worry about having to put them back on again should something require their immediate attention. They managed an hour before gearing up and venturing out of the safety of a room they had promised to not leave for at least a full quarter of allotted sleep. Forby didn’t wake up, fortunately. They promised themselves they’d never again let their intimate friend and colleague out of their site, but the two needed its rest more than anyone, and to be out of that stupid robot suit. 

Resident celebrity, Earth Tasha, was sitting in an area overlooking one of the nursery tanks of the lungfish farm. She’d been among the first of a new class of media introducing new forms of social influence to which the old guard payed close attention. 7cb7 reminded themself not to identify this new asset too much with the political mechanisms on which she had once fed, this wasn’t Earth after all, nor one of its films. 

Tasha mixed her favorite Terran cocktail, Michelada, and offered it to her guest, for she wasn’t so sure what they liked. 7cb7 approved, beer had additional food value and would allow them to skip the next few meals, however there were a lot of strange spices in it. They tried to smile after taking a sip. Why couldn’t beer just be beer? Tasha seemed to be thinking more about the crouched figure in the vat beyond the sound-proof glass than weather or not her guest was enjoying themself. “It seems Vase was determined to visit a holy site currently forbidden to Zero’s. A holy site in the middle of a war-zone manned by people who assumed Zero’s went extinct eons ago.” 

“I’ve heard they were a religious nut - of the kind not even tolerated by the religious. Sure, their people are curious about what happened but it might be possible to give them some rendered remains or something so they are satisfied.”

“I’d hate to think they could never go back.”

“What the shit is wrong with them anyway? No amount of brain damage causes a person to automatically understand a hyper-specific alien language.”

“I didn’t examine the body before my sibling showed it to 049. Not much is known about Zeros. They are VERY protective of their dead and live ones attract way too much attention in urban environs so it’s hard to do studies, but based on what we know about Ones it’s not impossible Vase just regrew their brain, and are relearning to speak.”

The rebel One took another sip and shrugged off the odd flavors. They badly needed to be drinking right now. “Seedy showed the body to 049 you say? Did he do anything to it?” 

There was a long pause in the conversation. 

“We need to know if this had anything to do with 049.”

“Yes, he did seem to be performing some kind of autopsy- or he was trying to embalm it? I was worried the Feds would try and track it down and use the situation to some political end so I moved Vase’s locator device to a thellenoot we managed to capture in the marsh.”

“And you left the Doctor alone to do this?”

“Forby was with him.”

“And Forby says they saw at least one Zero, seems it’s safe to assume it was Vase. Something really odd happened here and I think we should be really careful about letting that Doctor thing mess with any more bodies.”

Tasha stood up and approached the glass, looking down toward the round tank and it’s large, kneeling occupant. “So what happens to Lazare?” 

“Depends on their behavior, we’ve had some close calls. Thing gets aggressive when the love birds aren’t around. If 049 had something to do with what’s going on with Vase - well, it could change a lot.” 

“Are you implying we should - ”

“I’m not implying anything, all I’m saying is I wouldn’t get too attached.”

“You wouldn’t-”

“I’m not saying It’s going to be me who does it. I’m saying those other Zeros might want something tangible in order to not become a problem, and it doesn’t seem like Vase could be given back to them as is. Not to mention all else that could happen even if the Zero population doesn’t turn this into an issue. I’m mean, what if the Feds ask for Vase, Zeros are supposed to be under their jurisdiction and what’s if it’s traced to 049?”

Tasha returned to her chair and rested her head on the table. 7cb7 touched the hand that held her half-finished drink. 

“This is a war you know, even if that thing is a person, people are forfeit.”

She lifted her head. “What might the loss of Lazare do to - those other two?”  

7cb7 raised their wrist-mounted view screen and observed the love birds again. 

With a tall, lanky Terran curled around him it was so easy to forget Five-aye had been the agent of so - so much death, yet despite the Doctor’s obvious insanity and the Murder Messiah’s long rap sheet it still felt like garbage having to do this. With a camera who’s lens was disguised as a working light at least the pair could be made to think they had privacy. 

All the information available on “il medico della peste” seemed determined to confuse. Was it a demon, a myth, a clown, or just an obsolete profession? The uniform forged into his very flesh - possibly from birth, seemed to have dated from long before humans even had a theory of genetics let alone prospects of their modification. Not that anything like 049 was even within the capabilities of current Terran technology.

“I don’t know how they’d react. So, for the time being we’ll have to manage as is. Just, don’t get too attached to Lazare is all I’m saying.”

THE END.

Note - this may under go changes or new edits. Thanks for reading.

[himebushou]

S4 of The Umbrella Academy was so garbage.

Geez. Why limit the season to 6 eps when every other season has had 10... even a runtime of 8 eps would have probably helped with the pacing issues, at least a bit.

It felt like nothing had any payoff. The CIA turning out to be Keepers? Shrug emoji. Nothing of consequence. The whole subway system came out of nowhere — it turns out that there were other ways to travel through time after all. The whole Gene and Jean thing was stretched out for so long and we got zero insight into why Sy knew so much — unless he was Abigail in disguise the whole time? But who cares?

There were some nice moments between the siblings: Allison and Klaus were mostly pretty sweet (except WHAT the heck were Allison's powers supposed to be? Also, Klaus didn't get to do anything except get locked up and buried alive) and I like that Luther and Diego got some time to bond (though, again, their skills were wasted).

Ben was. Odd. Poor kid just gets to die multiple times. And props to Viktor for actually trying to reason with Reginald and finally getting some validation from him.

The whole Lila and Five thing was so gross and completely unnecessary... I've always had issues with the way Lila was written (those 'kooky for the sake of kooky' characters can get pretty boring and I felt the same way about Klaus throughout a lot of the show). Five was my favourite from the start and just. Eurgh. #noonewantedthat

And the dialogue was so BAD. Some of the lines made me cringe so much. "To be honest I can't stop thinking about her" like. Okay Ben.

And even worse were these poignant moments happening in front of audiences and all the other characters on set just standing around completely wooden... like. What? Lila's family are in the background hearing that her marriage has fallen apart and they don't even act remotely shocked? What?

Claire was definitely one of the best parts of this season. She was a sweetheart.

Urgh. Overall, the whole thing just felt incredibly sloppy, poorly explained (WHY did Jennifer get the durango?) and as though the creative team had run out of ideas. There were so many moments where the Umbrellas acted with no urgency at all (like sitting around enjoying a Christmas party when they were supposed to be looking for Ben, or going to work as normal when they'd promised some random guy that they'd find his daughter within 24 hours). Powers morphed at the drop of a hat for plot convenience. Everyone got on board with the idea of being erased from existence without much fuss (apart from the whole thing about where the kids would end up). What was the significance of the giant squid? How were there so many Keepers? And what exactly were they keeping?

Also, I'm annoyed that they used 'Map of the Problematique' (a song I adore) to no effect; the lyrics didn't match the scenes of the Keepers arming themselves and it didn't fit the mood and just!

Anyway, two of the biggest issues I have:

If this version of Reginald is as callous as the others (after all, he did have Ben shot), then why did he waste all that time creating a fake world for Jennifer to live in?

Presumably, the only reason the Cleanse worked is because the creature eventually found the other kids that had marigold in them? Or, in this timeline, did only the Umbrellas have marigold? And in 150,000 timelines, are we supposed to believe that the Cleanse only happened once?

It's so stupid, oh man. The show's refusal to bring in the other marigold children outside of the Umbrellas was always so stinky — I thought we'd get something interesting when the Sparrows were introduced last season, but half of them died within a few episodes and geez, so much wasted potential.

Pretty glad the show is done now if that was the trajectory, lol.

[funkyspacealien]

Rabbit of the Night He'll suck the orange out of your carrots (Sketches n' processes under the break! It's a REAAAAAL long one)

I've been meaning to draw a piece that actually includes a background instead of a character standing in the void. The issue that arises is that... I just didn't have any good ideas for backgrounds, lol. Partially the issue is that I tend to design the character first, which makes it challenging to draw stuff around them. Since around the time that I made this piece was October and the big holiday was Halloween, I figured I could do something within the theme. I've been meaning to draw my character, Nosferatu, again since they have always been one of my lowkey favorites of mine.

An older piece of the character, which you can see with the others here The character was quite macabre, which made it perfect for doing something slightly spooky. The cape also gave me a great idea for making something more visually striking, as well.

My first attempt. As you can see, I tried to do a thumbnail this time so I can have a better understanding of the amount of space I have to work with. I highly recommend that you do something similar if you struggle with doing backgrounds. Though, I think I ought to make it a bit more square, lol. I had to tweak some things to fit within the standard square shape since I drew everything at a wonky angle. I was inspired by Soul Eater and Majora's Mask when it comes to the background design, especially with the moon having a prominent appearance. I knew that was a consistent thing I wanted to keep throughout the iterations. The flowing cape was heavily inspired by Spawn and the artwork of Lelouch from Code Geass

I always found it to be such a striking iconography for the characters. Despite being an inanimate piece of clothing, it adds a lot to the design. Spawn was always an intimidating dude, but having that cape overwhelms the viewer and takes up so much screen space every time he wears it helps give him more of an otherworldliness. You may not truly understand who or what is he, but you may get the vibe that he's someone with great power and importance. It's befitting of someone who is viewed as the best spawn of the devil. I find it also interesting for a character like Lelouch. Now, I never watched the show he came from, only understood the basic premise from various sources throughout my life. Pardon if my read on the character is incorrect, but to me, he's quite the scrawny guy and perhaps lacks power of his own. Despite this, he runs a rebellion and goes under the alias of "Zero". He dresses up as Zero, including the cape. With it on, his form became much more imposing yet concealed. It gives him a sense of royalty, which you might attribute to the likes of Kings or Queens. Someone with power. Sorry for that brief character analysis tangent, lol. It's just something that I thought about when creating the character of Nosferatu. I find it interesting that something so simple as a cape can help give a feeling of power. It's something that I feel everyone subconsciously think of and not realize. Back on topic, the rest of the composition I wasn't super satisfied with. I sorta lean into the "Dracula" look the character had by having the castle in the background, but I think it came off as very flat. I also thought it made things visually unclear. A bunch of things off in their own corner instead of organic guiding the viewer's eyes. I scrapped the first idea and tried to go in another direction.

I had the idea of being underneath an overpass and having buildings being lit by the moon. I don't think it was too bad of an idea, but I had trouble refining it and making it more "full", if that makes sense? This had a weird sense of emptiness and dragged the composition down for me. Perhaps if I drew the character differently and played more with the perspective, it would've been better. I went back to my original idea and checked if I could improve some things on a base level.

Originally, I had the cape go off-screen but checking my original inspiration, like various art pieces of Spawn, I noticed that the cape "ends" tend to curve back into the frame. I decided to do something similar which I think helped give the piece a sense of "flow" to it. I found that it also gives a composition more layers of depth and fills in any "empty" spaces that I had worried about before. I tilted Nosf's head a bit so they weren't just standing there stiffly as well. Sometimes it's the little things that help improve the piece than having to redo it all over again.

Finally, I just decided to make the background more on the simple side. I think I had the issue of really wanting to prove myself that I could do backgrounds that I made it way more complicated than it needed to be. It gave me the chance to make the moon much bigger, which I always meant to be a striking aspect of the piece. When drawing, I decided to forgo the "ground" that the cliffs are on since I felt it cluttered up the piece with too many colors. Now, I just got to finish it!

I should be done, right? Well, not exactly. While I think it looks nice (I'm personally proud of my use of noise filters), it just still lacks the depth that I'm looking for. Something about it is too bright and clear. I went back and experimented some more until I found a solution that made me feel stupid not realizing it before, lol. So initially, I tried to use this photo editing program called "Picsart". I used to use it a lot when I was doing digital art since I like the added filters. I eventually stopped because it would ruin the image quality. I thought they fixed that issue, but it's still the same.

It's a bit subtle in this picture, but I like to use the "vintage" filter since I like the added shadows on the sides of the images. The problem is that the quality got ruined and I'm very stubborn about keeping it in the nicest resolution possible. I decided to see if I could replicate it in my own art program. What I discovered is that I can and the solution was very simple, lol. First I drew a square with a solid color on a new layer-

Then I used the "Gaussian Blur" Filter-

I turned down the opacity, set the blending to "burn" and overlaid it on the artwork, which gave the depth I was looking for!

I gave the head some slight shading too since the filter unintentionally gave it to their ears. Good call since I think that helped with the Halloween atmosphere I was intending.

[freyafrida]

i'm assuming the rec they're referring to is this lovely post by @gogandmagog, to whom i must thank for unearthing this fic, lol. i wrote this chapter back in 2012(!!!) so unfortunately i don't remember what exactly i had in mind for shirley and pencil girl (love that nickname), or if i even had more of a story in mind. i don't see myself writing another chapter for arco iris (although never say never?) BUT i did have some vague headcanons and influences so i will share them!

anyway. what did shirley say to her afterwards? i didn't have a full idea for this in my head and i'm of two minds about it! i can see him just ignoring it because whatever, he's not interested in getting his name written up on the side of the schoolhouse and it's none of his business why Pencil Girl decided to, apparently, lose her mind one day after school. i can also see him being pretty straightforward and asking her about it and being completely embarrassed that she's sweet on him and again, having zero interest in getting his name put on a Take Notice.

either way, they both pretend it didn't happen for a few years, but Pencil Girl never quite gives up her little crush on him, and she and shirley grow to be friends in adolescence after he gets over being flustered by her existence. they exchange sympathetic letters during the war, maybe get into wacky adventures as college kids, and fall in love along the way. the end.

so, some background: this is very niche, but as a kid, i was very into the boy/girl battle series by phyllis reynolds naylor (which i also wrote fic for in 2012 -- maybe that spilled into arco iris?). i didn't do it consciously, but in hindsight, i think i was inspired by the dynamic between the characters wally and caroline. wally is the most introverted of his brothers, thoughtful and quietly imaginative, while caroline is an attention-seeking theater kid who drags wally into her mischief. they're both annoyed by each other because they're middle schoolers, but they're also both imaginative and slightly lonely because everyone thinks they're weird, and they find they (unwillingly) understand each other on that more fundamental level. anyway! it's not a 1:1 comparison, but i think i was imagining shirley/pencil girl from a similar place. we know shirley isn't totally opposed to mischief (see "well-deserved spankings" in RV) and while we also know he hates to be badgered with chatter per RoI, i was also picturing him as a bit matthew cuthbert-esque, where he doesn't mind exuberance as long as he's not expected to actually respond in kind (that's how i interpret "badgering", anyway).

i was also semi-influenced by the dynamic between kyon and haruhi in the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya, haha. obviously none of this is evident in that very short chapter, but uh, that's the backstory if you're interested, or if it gives an idea of how the rest of the story might go!

i also was actually influenced by the jenny penny section of anne of ingleside! i first read that book as a teenager and tbh i took the jenny penny section and all its judgment about Dirty Houses and Fighting Adults and Not Saying Your Prayers a leetle personally, lmao. i found the blythes pretty snobbish in that story* (this livejournal post is a pretty good summary of how i felt about anne of ingleside at the time). so i also had the loose headcanon of the blythes having to deal with someone a little socially inappropriate, who they wouldn't approve of very much. again, this was way too much to be evident in the actual chapter, but this is where the whole "girl who kisses rando boys in classrooms" concept came from, if you're interested.

anyway that's how shirley/pencil girl would've gone. hope this didn't ruin it for you, nonny, and thank you for reading ❤️

* i mean, upon reread, there are actual issues with the pennys: jenny is a more intentional liar than anne ever was, and the grandma makes di show her her underwear??? weird. but also jenny is, like, the lone realistically troubled child in a book of unusually twee children, and i found her surprisingly sympathetic for that reason. anyway. i had feelings.

[koritea]

if you've already elaborated on it i definitely missed it but what's the general premise of COTS if you have the time/energy to elaborate >:0

Oh man [gripping the table to maintain my sanity] you have no idea how much this ask means to me I am SO MENTALLY ILL ABOUT THIS STORY LMAO

I've wanted to write a book since I was like. 10. And I've rewritten this particular story so many times it has zero resemblance to the original plot. WEEPS.

Putting this under the cut cause it got long LOL

Okay so firstly, there's the A-side and the B-side. Most of what I post here is B-side content (Icarus, Atticus, Empress, etc.), but the A-side is the main cast/storyline the books will follow.

To give a rough outline - the gist of it, if you will:

Our main character, Aria (some modern century twenty-something D&D nerd) gets thrown into another world via a magic door.

The story follows the same sort of cadence as a D&D campaign (you meet someone in town willing to give you information, something bad happens in the town that forces you to fight or flee, you want to help these people so you wind up biting off more than you can chew, etc.) but very quickly there's some weird stuff that comes up that isn't typical of your average campaign, and Aria gets pulled further into shenanigans with time gods, dragons, undead kingdoms and a familiar face turned catalyst.

She gets turned into a cat at one point :)

There's dimension hopping and timeloops and fucked up horror and maybe a sprinkle of murder and resurrection and betrayal and falling in love and consequences and I havE LORE FOR A STUPID PATCH OF GRASS I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING

B-side is mostly here because I can't not give all my character deep and meaningful lore. Wdym the bg character shouldn't have a 24k word document about his mother's necklace. What.

Icarus my favoritest boy my baby my big silly stupid flew too close to the sun and the sun said I love you and sacrificed itself to save him and the consequences nearly collapsed the universe and the gods had to piece together bits and parts of themselves to fill the gap but it's still not enough and the time god is so fucking tired of resetting the world to buy them time (hah) but it's all it can do because it loves so deeply and is not built to express it and it's tearing itself apart and and and-

Icarus is sort of the "main" character of B-side, but it's more like a collection of background stories of characters rarely/only hinted at in A-side, but they still effect the worlds enough to be important.

Empress has a whole arc at spans twice as long as Atticus's does.

Oh yeah and there's different pantheons and some things like gravity and time get wonky and there's the War of the Stars and the day the magic stopped and there's the inexplicable lack of something that no one remembers and there's this weird ass sphynx that pops up every now and then.

And I'm definitely rambling but you are MORE than welcome to ask questions. I am. Insane about this project. Maybe. Just a little. I might have four animatics sketched out and a dozen more in my head.

I have song playlists too!!

[scullymurphy]

I’ve just finished BL/FD and they have moved to the top of my all time favorite fanfics. I am going to immediately reread them because the stories and characters were so rich and so moving. I have felt all the feels while reading these stories.

I never knew how much I needed a Hermione/Lavender BFF love story until you gave it to me! She has now become one of my favorite characters. I adore the friendship they built through these two stories. What a beautiful balance and compliment they were to each other!

The dual POV kept me on the edge of my seat and rooting for Draco and Hermione throughout. The tension and attraction and passion you were able to convey was palpable. The pain and angst of the love triangle felt so very real. I think it triggered my own memories of that time in life.

And Theo…my god, Theo! 😍🥹

I didn’t think anyone could replace Draco or Rhysand as my absolute favorite book boyfriend and then you gave me this version of Theo. This funny, beautiful, vulnerable, supportive gem of a human and now I have an obsession with Theo. I can’t get enough of him!

While I ultimately knew he would end up with Daphne and Draco would end with Hermione, and that was as it should be, I was absolutely devastated when things ended between him and Hermione. It brought me to literal tears when he left her to go and comfort Daph bc I knew it was the beginning of the end. They were just so good together. 🥹

With Lavender’s divination background and her cryptic statements about choosing a different path I kept wondering if there would be an epilogue or extra Lavender POV chapter where she has a vision of H and T choosing each other and what that path would have looked like. Does that exist somewhere and I just haven’t found it yet?

This is how consumed I’ve been with this story…I had a dream last night that there was an epilogue that flashed forward like 30 something yrs. After long and beautiful marriages, T & H have both become widowed and they find comfort and healing with one another again. Their paths finally reunite and their love story has its turn. But alas I woke up, finished the book and it was not to be.

All this to say, I would love for you to revisit this world again some day. These characters are beautifully written! I love them all! Thank you

Thank you SO MUCH for this beautiful comment. I can't tell you how much it means to me that the stories touched you in this way. You even DREAMED about them! And to class my Theo with Rhysand!!?? I die! I die! I love Rhys so much too -- it's kind of a problem because I compulsively re-read his scenes. In fact, I read the ACOTAR series right around the time I was writing BL and FD, so there may be a little of Rhys's charm in Theo! I like this theory...

And as for your questions and intuitions about the continuation of this story, I can tell you that I do have a pretty strong headcanon for what happens down the road. I even have a rough outline/zero draft of what could be a third installment someday. I'm still waiting for the time to be ripe to start writing it, although I can't definitively promise it will ever happen. Part of me thinks I should just leave it as-is and let everyone have their own ideas about how it turns out. Also, I'm currently shopping an OC novel around for representation, drafting another OC romance, and preparing to launch a detective noir Dramione multi-chap WIP tomorrow (you heard it here first!!). So my plate is pretty full, lol. But someday, maybe someday. I do miss that world so much and would love to hang out with those characters again.

Anyway, thanks again for coming all the way to Tumblr to tell me that you loved the stories. Your words really touched me. 🥰🥹 xoxo ~ Scully

[herotome]

hello :) i'm planning on making my own short visual novel and it got me thinking about the development stage of games i like! if it's okay, i wanted to ask how long has the herotome idea and its characters been floating around in your head, and what was the process of starting to turn it into reality? with my own projects i find i usually have a strong concept/feel/imagery that feels hard to pin down/expand upon and actually make practical haha. thank you!

Oh boy!! I love questions like this, but at the same time... my condolences lol, it's gonna be quite the hike

I first had the idea for Herotome back in... 2017. I guess 6 years ago now - and I've been working on it pretty much nonstop (aside from a... 1-2 year break back in 2018 or so).

I have tried to work with a lot of different team members who flaked, ghosted, fell through, or had some other manner of false start that ended up contributing very little to the game (but still cost me money ;;;)

I still had to keep going despite that.

I'd decided early on that I would be the "heart" of the game, and as long as I was still beating away, it didn't matter if other parts fell through. I would keep going.

I learned to write renpy code by myself, started doing all the writing by myself, did all the concept art...

Renpy code was the trickiest one - while it's not difficult to learn, it does take time to get familiar with if you've never coded before. I got code practice in with a game jam in 2019, wherein I made a short game and got to experiment more with variables and if/else conditions.

Ideas are very, very easy to have; my recommendation would be to start looking at your actual, practical skillsets - for example, if you enjoy writing, then start writing and keep at it! "Keeping at it" is perhaps the most challenging part, but I promise you it DOES start to take shape.

Alternatively, if you feel like you don't have any applicable skillsets (as most people do): start learning something. I had pretty much zero background in code, but I still did it myself because I had no one else to do it for me.

All this being said - you also need to have the determination to take breaks and not work yourself into burnout; because if you burnout real bad then the idea and the project dies. Might be resurrected if you're able to perk back up, but it's way, way better not to burnout in the first place.

Keep going in moderation. But keep going.

[purplesurveys]

1949

Do you want the last dream you had to come true? Not necessarily. It was one of those weirder dreams where people from different areas in your life show up in one scene and say lines that their Real Self would never say – and it would make zero sense in this timeline if it were to happen, lmao.

When did you last talk to the person you’d most wanna talk to right now? Mm around 10 minutes ago, but only through Messenger.

What kind of pill did you last take? Biogesic for my horrrrrrrrrrible migraine 2 weeks ago.

Do you like wearing glasses? I like them; they're the only way I can see haha. I also much prefer glasses than contact lens because I simply don't like putting Anything in my eye whatsoever.

Does your mom know the last person you hung out with? Yeah very much. We've pretty much adoped her into our family the same way hers has always treated me as their own. I wouldn't be her maid of honor + my mom wouldn't have been designated as her godparent in marriage if we were any less close.

What were you doing 4 hours ago? I think I was playing Rhythm Hive while I was (barely) listening to the CDC in the background. I don't really give as much excited attention as I used to since my school hasn't had a podium finish in like 9 years, but I still watch to show my support.

What would you most like to eat right now? Balut tempura. I didn't finish my order of it from lunch and I'm looking forward to having it again later tonight lol.

How long were you last in the car for? Just around 15-20 minutes.

What is something good that happened last weekend? I got two new Koya plushies I found at the mall! :) I also got to pick out my dad's Christmas present. Now to think of the rest of the gifts I still need to give to like 40 other people uuuuuughhhhhhhh

Do you like holding hands or do you think it’s stupid? I do like it. It's just that I never get to do it with anyone anymore.

The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? Nobody other than the artist (Jimin), really. It's one of those songs with lyrics that aren't relevant to me.

How’d you get your last injury? Minor, but Max's scratches.

What do you like about your birthday? The fact that nobody can get mad at me for one day, heh.

Do you like being home alone at night? Sure. It never happens, but I wouldn't mind it if that were suddenly the case. I have the dogs to keep me company + can always order Grab if I go hungry.

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? So that's like sophomore year, right? Tbh, the first thing I thought of are a couple of sophomore-exclusive classes I took at the time – Asian history and statistics. Everything else about it is a blur; I can't even remember who my best friend at the time was.

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you? Two years ago when they found a cyst in my mom. My family has never been open around one another and as expected my parents were extremely secretive about the whole ordeal, so I had no idea what was going on much to my quiet frustration. All I knew to do was to just keep a straight face as the eldest daughter + do whatever my dad asked me to do, like getting my mom's favorite pastries to cheer her up and such.

To this day I'm still not very knowledgeable on the details, and the one time I directly involved myself in the situation was when I visited my mom in the hospital, post-hysterectomy.

Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Nope.

The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? I'm not thinking about anyone.

When did you last skip class? 2019, I guess? It's the year before the world stopped lol, and is the only reasonable guess.

Do you like the shape of your fingernails? Sure.

Did you look at your fingernails for the question above? No. I already know that I like my nails haha.

Whose pool did you last swim in? I haven't swum in a pool in years lol – the chlorine bothers me.

What’s something you like about your 3rd hour? My what?

Is formspring a good idea? I hated that shit. I never even liked seeing people air their dirty laundry through that website. Just so messy on all fronts, lol.

What’s your biggest problem at the moment? I'm devastatingly desperate for a new job to move to. I hate where I work and it chokes the happiness out of me every day. That's all I'll say because even typing about it now is making me stressed.

When did you last see a police car? Can't really remember.

Why aren’t you doing something more productive than this? I don't have to. It's a Sunday evening and I already worked well into midnight both Friday and Saturday.

How many different cars have you driven? I can think of three.

What did you do on Thursday? Had a stressful day at work + said bye to my sister who at the time was scheduled to fly out to Korea.

What color was the last thing you drank? Light brown.

What do you do on Fridays? Be stressed at work + relax and enjoy once it's evening.

Have you ever had to take desperate measures in a desperate situation? Sure.

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? Client's office.