#had to rant cuz i’m seeing some weird things lately | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

millenialfanfictionaddiction · 2 years ago

Note

Hi mom... it's been awhile! How are you? I hpe you're doing great because... I'm not, not really. I thought I was but clearly I'm not.

I want to rant but idk where and I can only think of ranting here :')

So um... Here's the thing, ever since I was little, I've always been alone. Workaholic parents and no siblings until the age of 11. And so I've always had trouble with connecting with people. Often came out as 'strong', 'loud', annoying and some said pushover. I...tried to connect... tried to change myself for the better...but idk. I'm about to turn 20 next year and it's fucking terrifying you know? I'm alone in university (i got no Friends that's from my highschool or during my foundation year) so I basically have to start over.

That was when I met my 'friends' and we immediately have group consist of 5 people including me. I thought everything was okay. Untill they slowly drifting apart from me... And I can't help but keep on questioning myself.... Am I at fault here? Is it me? Am I the problem? I know people would say 'let it be, know your worth' or 'they are probably busy, they have their own life too' and stuff like that but srsly? To the point that ignoring me, going out without me...it makes me feel like they're avoiding me. And it hurts...a lot. I tried not think too much about it but..yea. I can't-

A few days ago, one of them uploaded an edit of them doing some trend that required then to answer google form like... "Who will die first in Zombie apocalypse" kinda questions and then shows the statistics with their pictures (idk how to explain lmao) but in that video...Every girl was there. Like everyone was there. Even the one that's not even in the original group of 5. Everyone except me. And that has to be something... And I think I know where I stand now. Plus...

A few hours ago, I uploaded a status that said maybe I don't have any luck in friendship department. And guess what? One of them replied and she said

"Not everything needs luck, sometimes manners and attitude will do"

And of course I was weirded out cuz what the hell was that supposed to mean? So we talked and she told me about how maybe there's something wrong with my attitude and how I should change and stuff and then we came to the topic about 'am I annoying?' I asked her. And she said yes I am and that sometimes she can handle it but other than that no. And I was...like oh I see so I am the problem. Which is not really surprising because huh... It's always like that

And I told her I understand what she was trying to say and told her that I like being friends with and she said the same which is good but then she said...she liked my confidence but she doesn't like my confidence to the point that I 'downgrade others' and tbh I don't know if I ever did that Because i don't think I ever did that? Not that I know of... Because I swear even if I did...i did not mean it and it was unintentional...but now that I think of this their attitude as of late really said it all...idk anymore.

Maybe idk...maybe I should just stop making friends in general and just accept things the way it is?

It's not that I don't have friends at all..I do have but just that, just...Friends. not the type of friends that will literally be at your beck and call you know? Not friends enough to be able to call "my people" kinda stuff like oh she's my best/great friend! Idk how to explain but i hope you get the point.

Some people might be fine not having anyone. But I'm not. I don't like being alone. It's lonely. I've been living with loneliness ever since I was little and I don't want it anymore. If some people can live with that then good for them... but not me... I don't like being alone. It's more like it's scary to be alone.

I guess that's all...sorry for dumping everything I just need to let it out.

-Tendou anon

First off, I’m doing well! I’m so sorry you are having a difficult time and I promise you can always vent here. It might take me a while to get to it, but if it helps to vent my asks are always open! Everyone needs a safe space!

Second off, I’m going to respond with complete honestly here because that’s how I am as a person and my philosophy isn’t to sugar coat things because I don’t think it helps address the issue.

So there problem here isn’t you, it’s that this group of people you associate with might not be the best fit for your personality and style. There’s nothing wrong with being loud, outgoing, awkward or “annoying” because when you find friends who work with you, you realize that those things aren’t issues in your friendship.

I’m in my 30s and I have two really good friends. I have several online friends but I have two REALLY SOLID friends. One I’ve known for 16 years and another I’ve been friends with less than 2 years (actually I met her on here). My one friend I see maybe every few months and my online friend I chat with everyday and we video chat as well. I have a lot of support from online friends as well that I simply chat with.

Now this works for me, I’m a pretty social and outgoing person. I’m blunt and kind of chaotic but my friends aren’t bothered by that because we compliment each other.

I’m not saying these friends aren’t nice or couldn’t be good support but it almost seems like they want you to change or that they are saying you are the problem which isn’t ok to say. It would be one thing is you were a complete bitch or rude to them every time but it doesn’t seem that way. It seems like they want you to fit into a certain box that you just don’t fit in.

Also, I’m an only child and I was left to play alone a lot as a child so I understand how hard it can be to socialize. But believe me when I say that you will find friends who appreciate you for who you are! You are still so young and now is a great time to find yourself, go out, talk with random people and be outgoing!

Being alone is scary and right now it might feel like you will be alone forever but you won’t be! College is sometimes just as bad as high school, people form groups and think that everyone has to conform to that but in reality, you are all learning to be adults. Technically from the age of 18-25 is considered a “young adult” which means you are still developing, still learning how to be social and function in society!

I know me saying this isn’t really helpful but try not to put so much pressure on yourself. If there’s one thing I wish I could tell my younger 20 year old self, it would be that it’s ok to be weird, it’s ok to be loud and it’s to make mistakes! Be yourself and put yourself first!

I apologize for how unorganized this is 😅 I literally have zero sense of organization 😂

Xoxoxo and just know, you are very loved and we appreciate you 🖤

#my lovely bbys #tendou anon

0 notes

watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago

Text

Update - Harry Styles

i’ve been deep inmy harry feels and this thought just wouldn’t leave me alone so i had to write it. im thinking about starting a taglist for harry, i think i’ll write more about him in the future. let me know if you’d be interested in the taglist!

word count: ~5.9k

masterlist

Sequel: The best present

Harry is not that into YouTube videos, has never really been, which is kind of ironic seeing the number of videos on the internet that is about him. The man himself who makes everyone talk online feels weird seeing someone talking on his screen, looking into his soul as if they were right there with him. But today he felt the sudden urge to be like his peers and get lost in random rambling videos from strangers, who felt the need to put themselves out there.

He has made a mean cup of tea for himself, made himself comfortable on his couch with his laptop balancing on his thighs and now is opening up his browser to unwind in an unusual way. As YouTube opens in front of his tired eyes, he stops when he tries to type in the keywords he is searching for. What is he looking for really? He thinks to himself trying to remember what he heard from his friends when they talked about funny or interesting videos. One thing is for sure, he is trying to avoid watching videos of himself in any content. He has had enough of him for the day, it’s time to focus on someone else, even if he doesn’t know the person.

He scrolls through several pages of many different keywords until he settles for a video where a girl talks about how her latest moving day went. Starting off Harry feels weird listening to her talk about such personal things as where her bed went in her room, how she packed all her stuff to fit them in the boxes, but soon enough this feeling settles and he starts to realize it’s kind of relaxing.

It doesn’t take too long for him to fall down a rabbit hole and by the time his tea empties out from his cup he is intensely watching a guy rant about his boss at Subway while doing a mukbang. The latter is a new discovery for Harry, he has never heard of it before, but he can see why some people find it satisfying.

The video ends, Harry checks the time and sees that it’s already after midnight and he hasn’t even realized how fast time flew by.

“Alright, just one more,” he mumbles to himself scrolling down the column of the recommended videos until his eyes stop at one particular upload at the very bottom.

July update for my Sammy, ready the title and an eye-catchingly beautiful girl is smiling from the thumbnail. He finds her breathtaking, the lack of makeup, the worn out hoodie she is wearing and the many various plants in the background makes it appear she is sitting in the middle of the forest.

Harry finds himself clicking on the video before he could even decide consciously to watch it. The screen loads and the girl appears in front of him, this time in a much larger size.

“Hi Sammy, welcome back to our channel,” she starts with an angelic little laugh as she pulls her shoulders up to her ears as if the camera is making her shy. She has no reason to be shy, Harry thinks to himself. His second thought is about Sammy, he is one lucky guy to know this angel and have her think about him. “It’s Y/N here, your one and only sister,” she adds.

Sister. The word brings Harry relief and he is surprised to feel this way, but he has no time to think anything of it because she starts talking again.

“Here is my July update, I’m sorry I’m a little late, but we got back from Oregon yesterday. Aunt Ella is sending you kisses and hugs, she missed you at the barbeque, or maybe it was just your helping hand at the grill,” she chuckles to herself, probably recalling the memory.

Harry has no idea who Aunt Ella is or where she lives in Oregon, but the way she talks about it makes him feel like he is part of the family a little.

Y/N carries on and starts talking about everything that has happened in July. Painting the shed at her parents’ home, buying a new armchair, one her cat absolutely adores and refuses to sleep anywhere else now, she went to the hairdresser to get a trim, but not too much. She tells about her plans for August, how she is thinking about going to the farmers’ market more often, and she has been playing with the idea of adopting another cat.

“I think Henry has been feeling a little lonely lately. He could use a buddy,” she tells the camera, her eyes moving to the side from where a weak but moody meow can be heard as an answer. “Yeah, I think he agrees,” she chuckles and Harry finds himself smiling at the screen.

At the end of the video she asks a few questions from Sammy, how he has been doing, if his wrist feels any better, even asks about a friend called Matthew. Harry wonders if she has ever gotten the answers to her questions and where Sammy saw this video. What is he doing that made her want to do an update on YouTube?

When the video ends Harry clicks on her profile faster than he would willingly admit to anyone and it’s like he opened the gate to paradise. Tens and maybe hundreds of videos are queuing on her page, monthly updates, birthday wishes, short story times about family gatherings, news and happenings in her life.

Harry gets lost in her tales. He watches video after video, noticing the smallest details about her, almost mentally taking notes about her updates, finding anything and everything she talks about so interesting as if he knew those people and places she mentions. He comes to realization that Sammy is her older brother who is serving somewhere in the military. Y/N is making the videos to update him about her life even if she knows most of them doesn’t get to him until weeks later, but it doesn’t seem to bother her. He also learns that Sammy sends them back lengthy emails once a month and always ends them with a joke they made up with his mates at the army. Y/N loves them even when they're not even funny, she never fails to mention that she smiled reading them.

Hours pass by and the rising Sun peeks inside the window pulling Harry back to his own reality, shocked that he just spent the whole night watching her videos and didn’t even realize how deep he has gotten in her life. Lucky for him he has nothing planned until the afternoon, so shutting his laptop he sets it aside and heads straight to bed, but lying between his silky sheets he catches himself staring out the window, wondering what Y/N might be doing right now. From what he collected she lives somewhere in Spokane and has family in Seattle and Portland, which puts her quite a few time zones behind him. He finds the thought of them going to bed at the same time despite the distance a little funny. He lies in bed for quite some time before he finally drifts off to sleep with a particular girl on his mind, who doesn’t even know he is thinking about her.

“Do you think you can fall for someone you have never met?”

Harry’s question catches Mitch a little off-guard, but he is kind of used to his random bits of thoughts. Pouring some sugar into his coffee he follows the wondering singer to a free table in the corner.

“Isn’t it what all your fans feel?” he answers with a question, earning a surprised look from Harry. He hasn’t thought about this side, now the situation is kind of ironic, he supposes.

“Y’re right,” he nods stirring his coffee around in the small cup.

“Want to let me in on your thoughts?”

Harry feels a little shy to admit how he has watched all of her videos in the past few days, 207 to be exact and now he feels an oddly deep connection to this girl he has never even seen outside of a screen. Last night he dug up her Instagam profile, and even though she is not posting as frequently as she does on her channel, it was a refreshing change to see her in different settings. Chilling at a lake, having drinks with her friends, playing with her parents’ puppy, it amazed him that she has a whole life outside that small portion she lets him see in her videos.

Hesitantly, but he tells his friend about his latest hobby, if it’s not too weird to call it that, while his friend patiently listens and nods along his words while sipping on his morning coffee.

“D’you think I’m crazy?” Harry sighs leaning back in his seat, looking at his friend and colleague for validation that he hasn’t lost his mind entirely.

“Definitely not,” he chuckles shaking his head. “It’s like falling for that girl in school you know so much about but never really met.”

“Only that I’m stalkin’ this poor girl.”

“This is not stalking. We both know it’s far from that.” Harry nods with slight relief that his situation doesn’t seem as bad as he has been feeling lately. “Have you gotten in touch with her?”

“And what am I supposed to do? Comment on her video that I think her cat’s a cutie and I watched all her videos in three days ‘cuz I think she’s beautiful and I find her voice soothing?”

Mitch lets out a soft chuckle at the oddly specific answer he just gave and finds it amusing how interested his friend has grown about someone in such a short time.

“Maybe phrase it a little different.”

“So you do think I should reach out?”

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t. Use your personal YouTube, leave her a nice comment. Maybe she’ll reply.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know, Harry,” he chuckles. “Just go with it and you’ll see. You are obviously interested in her, it’s better than just sit and watch her videos.”

Harry agrees. It wouldn’t hurt to try to reach out to her, possibly in a not too creepy way. Maybe just a sweet comment on one of her videos and if she replies… Well, he doesn’t know what comes after, but he’ll figure it out.

Y/N updates regularly. Usually once a week and mostly it’s Sunday when a new video gets uploaded. This next Sunday Harry finds himself checking her page occasionally through the day to see if there’s a new update, but it seems like she is missing today. Right until he is driving home and gets a notification from the app.

Y/N has just uploaded a new video! It reads and Harry’s heart beats a tad bit faster. He thinks about pulling over to see it right away, but he tells himself that would be a bit too much, so he is forced to wait until he is in the comfort of his home.

Finally sitting on his couch he opens up his laptop and clicks on the video that has the title: September update.

Y/N sits in her usual spot, Henry in her arms as she is gently stroking his head with a warm smile on her face.

“Hi Sammy! Welcome back to our channel,” she greets him with her usual words and Harry loves how she calls the channel theirs. “This is my September update, even though not much has happened,” she breathes out, eyes wandering to the window besides her and Harry wonders what she sees from her window every day. Does she live in the city? Is it an apartment or a house with a backyard? Are there any trees or does her room have a terrible view, maybe just another house next to hers?

She starts her talk about the month, which she spent mostly with working, a little shopping and meeting her friends. She tells him about her planned trip to the local shelter to see possible new kittens to add to her household and Harry feels himself growing excited about it. He even thinks about what kind of cat he can see get along well with Henry even though he has never even met him.

“Anyway, mom and dad miss you, I miss you too. I loved your joke about ducks in your latest email,” she chuckles sweetly, bringing a smile to Harry’s face as well. “Mom is excited to see you at Christmas, our cousins will come to Portland as well. Maya can’t wait to play Jenga with you, she said she’s been practicing.”

The video soon ends as Y/N tells Sammy how much she loves him and eventually turns the camera off.

He straight away moves the cursor to the beginning of the video and as she starts talking again he scrolls down to the comment section that’s entirely empty. There are only two views on her video, usually a hundred is the max, but she doesn’t seem to care about the views, it’s more about the message.

He clicks to type a comment, but his hands stop above the keyboard as he tries to think of what to write. Mitch was right about taking a chance at reaching out, but what is he supposed to write exactly? Everything that comes to his mind sounds so creepy and scary, and he knows it’s weird that he formed such a deep connection to an unknown girl online. At last he starts typing.

“Hi Y/N! I’ve stumbled across your videos the other day. Love how you keep your brother updated, it’s such a nice gesture. I hope life treats you and Sammy well, you truly deserve it. Good luck with finding a buddy for Henry! Love, an admirer of yours, H.”

He reads it back several times, deleting then retyping it again until he decides to just go with it. A rush of adrenaline washes over his body when he sends the comment and it’s officially out there. Secretly he wishes she would reply right away, but moments pass by, then moments turn into minutes and nothing happens. His comment stands there alone and he has to realize that maybe she will never even reply or even see it.

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself as he shuts the laptop down and goes on to do his things, but he finds his thoughts wander over to her from time to time.

He has a busy day ahead of him the next day, quite a few meetings and a fitting. He checks back for a reply in the morning, but it slips his mind the moment he leaves from home and his phone rings right away. Throughout the day he basically barely has time to check his emails, his other notifications are just sitting patiently on the bar, waiting for him to acknowledge them. It’s way past five in the afternoon when he finally have some time for himself after his fitting. He is sitting in his car, people walk past him without even realizing who is sitting behind the tinted windows. Scrolling down he gets rid of everything that doesn’t seem urgent until his eyes stop at one particular notification.

“Y/N replied to your comment,” he reads it out loud, just to make it real, as if he is seeing it wrong and saying it with his own mouth brings it to life. He quickly taps on it and the familiar video opens up and while Y/N starts talking again the screen jumps down to the comments where, in fact, there is a reply from her.

“Dear H! Thank you for your heartfelt comment! I always forget it’s not just my family who sees these videos, but I’m happy you found them interesting enough to watch a few of them.”

“A few?” Harry huffs to himself feeling a little ridiculous he has watched all of them.

“I hope I didn’t bore you too much. Thank you for the well wishes for me, my brother and Henry too. He is sending his love to you. Y/N xx”

The comment was posted three hours ago. The thought that she has acknowledged his existence with not only reading but also replying to his comment brings him extreme joy. He reads her words over and over again, looking for any clue that would give away that she found his comment weird, but it seems like she was more surprised and happy that someone else saw her video besides her brother. Harry starts to type his reply without hesitation.

“Bore me? You saved me from watching another “what’s in my bag” video the other day. It was a pleasant change. I love your plants, by the way. Your room always gives off the most relaxed vibes. It reminded me I should have more of them in my home. H”

Harry smiles to himself posting his comment, the fear of appearing like a stalker long gone from him, the interaction is making his inside blossom from joy. For his biggest surprise a reply appears just a few minutes away and Harry reads Y/N’s new lines with deep hunger.

“Those videos suck the life out of me every time! I might be having a problem with buying too many plants, but I can’t help myself. They truly bring peace to me just by looking at them. I’m glad you are planning on buying some more, you won’t regret it!”

Harry is dying to reply, but he doesn’t want to look too eager and needy, so he opts for just liking her comment to let her know he read it and agrees. He locks his phone and puts it aside with the widest smile on his face as he starts his car and leaves his parking spot.

Two weeks pass by. In those two weeks Y/N uploads two more videos, one about her time with her grandparents, for a change it was filmed at their home and they even said hello in it. Harry feels wholesome seeing her with her granny and grandpa, it’s clear she cares a lot about them. The other video is just a short one where she has met some of Sammy’s old high school friends and she had a check in from them, sending a sweet message to him through the video. Harry doesn’t doubt how much these little things mean to Sammy, even if he doesn’t get to see them right away. Seeing Y/N alone boosts his mood every time she uploads a new video, he can only imagine how they make Sammy feel.

He leaves comments on her videos without a second thought and she replies to all of them, a lot of the time almost immediately. These are the highlights of his days without exception. Knowing that she has anything to do with him just fascinates him and he is starting to realize what his fans feel towards him on a different level. Whenever he sees the notification that she has replied to what he wrote or that she uploaded a new video he flies right to her page to check it, no matter what he is doing. Some of their comment threads turn out pretty lengthy, almost like a chat conversation and it has Harry wonder how they could maybe move it to somewhere else from the comment section.

He wants to ask for her number, but figures it wouldn’t be the best idea. Regardless of how much he enjoys their short little conversations, the situation is still weird and complicated and he doesn’t want to forget that.

But he is pleasantly surprised when she brings it up herself, to move the conversation to somewhere else.

“Would love to discuss that more with you. Up for exchanging IG names?” her question reads and he blinks a few before he fully comprehends that she wants to talk to him more in private. However there’s no way he can send her his real Instagram profile and making a fake one would be way too suspicious. Opening up the private messages he sends her a short, but informative message.

“I don’t use Instagram, but feel free to text me,” and then his phone number.

He sits at the dinner table anxiously, waiting for his phone to light up from a new text, and just a few minutes later it finally comes.

“Hi! It’s Y/N,” he reads from the notification and he saves the number right away.

“Hello! Save me as Harry. I haven’t even told you my name yet, how rude of me!” he replies chuckling to himself.

“Will let it slip this time. Harry. What a nice name!”

“Is it what you thought about from the H?”

“It was one of my theories. The other one was Hayes, but Harry fits you better.”

“You haven’t even seen me, how do you know what name fits me?”

“I don’t know. You had a vibe. There are many great Harries in the world, you seemed to fit between them!”

Harry wonders if she is thinking about him without even knowing that… it is him. He wants to ask her, but decides not to. Instead, he is enjoying that he can now reach her immediately and not through a comment section. He never thought this would actually happen.

The texts never stop. They have so much to talk about! Their entire life to share, millions of thoughts and so much to discuss! Harry is not proud of the time he has spent with his eyes glued to his phone, but he wouldn’t miss a chance to talk to her for anything. Their friends are not blind to the change in him, but Mitch is the only one with a guess about why he has gotten so addicted to his phone.

“Is it the girl from the videos?” he asks Harry one time when they are at the studio, having lunch break. Different food boxes are scattered around them, on the table and the couch. Harry’s phone just light up from a text and he immediately dropped his lunch to type a response.

He glances up at his friend with a shy smile nodding his head. He hasn’t talked about his newly funded friendship with Y/N yet, it feels like as if he tells it to anyone it might evaporate into just a dream.

“So you reached out, huh?”

“I did,” he nods returning to his food once his message is sent. “She’s great.”

“Does she know who she is talking to?” Harry’s lack of answer tells enough about the truth to Mitch. “You can’t hide forever, especially if you are planning on meeting her.”

“I know,” he answers shortly. “But I just don’t know how I could even bring it up to her without sounding like a mad man.”

“She’ll need proof.”

“M’not ready to show m’self to her. What if it changes everything?”

“Then it wasn’t worth it,” he simply tells him.

Deep down Harry knows it’s the truth, but he is not ready to be robbed from the joy she is bringing him. He has never felt such a deep connection to anyone before and they haven’t even met. It’s just a version of her he is seeing on the screen, not her real self. But it feels real to him and he wants to keep this reality to himself for just a little longer.

“I wish I could hear your voice, Harry. You are one big mystery to me, you know that?”

He forgets to breathe for a moment as he reads her message, lying in bed one evening, getting ready to sleep, but he wanted to check in with her before ending the day.

“You know so much about me already,” he types back.

“Not enough, I feel like. Sometimes I’m afraid Nev and Max are about to show up at my door and tell me that I’ve been catfished.”

He chuckles at her words, though he completely understands her fear.

“What do you want from me then?”

“Send me a voice message so I know you are real. That would put my suspicion to sleep. For a while…”

Harry hesitates for a long time until he decides just one voice message couldn’t hurt. Just a short one where his voice is not that recognizable so his cover won’t be over immediately.

“Good night, Y/N,” he tells into his phone and then send the recording to her.

He watches the status change from delivered to read and a couple of minutes go by before she finally responds.

“Thank you. Now I know that you are real. I hope I’ll hear your voice in real life one day.”

“I hope that too.”

His time spent undercover is coming to an end and he knows it’ll happen soon. It’s been weeks since they started chatting, almost an entire month and she’s been hinting her will to see his face and though he has been putting it off, he knows it has to happen.

Fate is playing under his hands, because he is traveling to Seattle for a few days, exactly when Y/N is traveling there to visit her parents.

“I hope you know you can’t leave without meeting finally,” she wrote when she found out they are going to be in the same city.

“It never even crossed my mind!” he wrote back chuckling to himself, however it brought him extreme anxiety that he is now going to be forced to come clean about who he really is.

He spends his whole flight to Seattle making up possible outcomes for their first official meeting. Not all of them end well and it’s just fueling his fear that he might lose her for not telling her the entire truth.

But she is a smart girl, she’ll see your reasoning, he tells himself, however he can’t entirely convince himself that it will be the case.

In hopes of squeezing in more than just one meeting into the weekend they agreed to meet almost first thing after he lands. So after checking into his hotel he heads into the city to finally meet her in real life in a local café she suggested for the occasion. Arriving to the place he is running a little late and she already texted him she’ll be waiting for him inside. Harry is wearing a beanie with shades to try to keep up his cover and it seems to be working, no one has approached him yet.

Stepping inside the cozy looking place his eyes roam around and immediately finds her sitting in the corner, pouring sugar into her coffee, not even paying attention to the door at the moment, but truth is she’s been intensely staring at it in the past ten minutes she has been there.

Harry takes a deep breath and nods to himself before heading in her way, hands shaking nervously as he stops at her table.

She glances up at him with innocent eyes, a smile spreads across her face as she sees that her mysterious Harry has arrived and she doesn’t recognize her until he finally takes his sunglasses off.

Harry watches her face turn from happiness to surprise then utter shock as she realizes who is standing in front of him.

“You are… my Harry?” she asks, confusion laced through her voice and Harry can’t ignore how she called him her Harry. He likes the ring of it.

“M’orry if it’s a little too much f’you, I really didn’t know how to tell ya.”

Keeping his eyes on her he pulls out the other chair at the table and takes a seat across her while she is still staring at him with a shocked and puzzled expression sitting on her face. Then she looks around in suspicion as he wiggles his coat off his arms, before her eyes settle on him once again.

“It’s not an episode of Catfish, right?” she asks making him chuckle.

“It is not, don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry if I’m being weird, but this was literally the last thing I was expecting,” she admits leaning back in her seat. “I believed things like this only happen in movies.”

“Not just there,” he smiles, slowly relieving that she is still sitting there and hasn’t ran out. It’s going way better than he expected.

She needs a little time to put the whole picture together and befriend the thought that she indeed just developed a friendship with Harry Styles through her videos for her brother. The absurdity is still shocking to her, but the more time passes by with him still sitting there, the more she finds peace with it.

Once the shock and surprise is gone they slowly realize they are seeing each other in real life finally. Harry feels overwhelmed, she is even more breathtaking than in her videos and through texts. He is mesmerized by her whole being and could listen to her talk in person forever, he wouldn’t get bored of her.

Time stops existing as they sit at the little café, talking for hours even though that’s all they’ve been doing through texts, but they just can’t get enough of hearing each other, seeing each other’s reaction and be able to see each other and not stare at a screen while talking.

Unfortunately, time never stopped just for the two of them and soon she realizes she needs to head back home. Harry doesn’t want to let go of her just yet so he offers to give her a ride, thanking himself for getting a rental for himself upon arriving. Y/N accepts the offer so the two of them head back to her parents’ home, soaking up the last minutes of their precious time spent together.

“Thank you for today, I really loved meeting you finally,” she smiles at him once they are parked on the driveway.

“I hope I didn’t shock you too much,” he chuckles scratching his chin.

“Just a little,” she admits before they both get out of the car and walking around it she stops in front of him, after a moment of hesitation she opts for a hug that he returns more than happily.

It feels as if her frame was perfectly sculpted to fit in his embrace and Harry can’t imagine how he could go this long without even seeing her in person. He knows it’s gonna be utter misery to be away from her after they leave the city.

“Will I see you before you take off?” she asks letting go of him. Harry looks down at her, the urge to kiss her growing bigger with each passing moment, but he is not sure if it would be appropriate to give it a try on their first time meeting.

“I’m free tomorrow for a lunch,” he tells her and she nods smiling.

“Then I’m free too,” she chuckles.

There’s an awkward moment where they are not sure what else should be done or said and the more they wait the weirder it’s getting so Harry clears his throat as he takes a step back, sad that he has to leave without feeling her lips on his, but he is not trying to be too greedy.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he smiles walking back to his car. Y/N waves after him and sitting back to behind the wheel he takes a moment to himself to collect himself after everything that has happened today. His hands curl around the wheel and he is about to start the car when someone knocks on the window. Y/N is smiling at him through the glass and he rolls it down curiously.

“I just…” she starts hesitantly, her eyes wander down to his lips and Harry knows what’s about to happen, but it still catches him by surprise.

Y/N leans in through the window and presses her lips to Harry’s, capturing them in a sweet, long awaited first kiss they both have been dreaming of for quite a while. Harry smiles into the kiss, bringing his right hand up to cup her cheeks as they stretch the moment for as long as possible. Whenever one pulls back the other brings them back for just one more kiss that turns into two more, then three… It takes a long time for them to finally let go of each other.

“See you later, H,” she smiles backing out of the car and running up to the front door, smiling wildly as she waves in his way one last time before disappearing in the house.

Lying in bed that evening Harry is scrolling through his Instagram feed when he finally realizes he can now follow her without a worry. He is quick to find her profile again and hit that follow button. He is happy to see she was already following him.

He is just about to put his phone aside and go to bed after such a busy but exciting day when a notification pops up on the screen.

Y/N has just uploaded a new video!

He taps on it quickly and her smiling face greets him from his phone’s screen.

“Hi Sammy! It’s me again. Welcome back to our channel,” she starts with a shy smile. The setting is new this time, he supposes it’s her parents’ home this time. “This is going to be a short video, but I wanted to tell you about something. Or someone.”

Harry’s heart skips a beat when he thinks about where it’s heading. He listens to her voice holding his breath.

“I met someone today. We’ve been talking for a while, but I could finally hug him today. His name is Harry, and he is a wonderful man. I think you two would get along well,” she says with a soft chuckle. “I love spending time with him and I hope he feels the same way. Actually…” Her eyes move up straight to the camera, something she doesn’t do often. She usually stares out the window or plays with Henry while talking. “I think he is watching it right now. Hi Harry!”

“Hello, Beautiful,” he greets her back with a smile as if she could hear him.

“I wanted to tell you how amazing you are making me feel. I hope I didn’t disappoint. I was so nervous to meet you today, I hope I lived up to what you imagined me to be.”

“You were so much better than that,” he answers again.

“Anyway… I hope you feel the same way. You are the first guy I’m talking about in an update, so appreciate it!” she tells him and he chuckles lightly. “I’ll see you soon, H. But until then… Know that I’m thinking about you.”

“M’thinking about you too, Angel.”

“Sammy, I miss you as always. I hope everything is well, can’t wait for your next email. I love you,” she smiles before the video ends.

Harry heads straight to the comments. This time he doesn’t leave a lengthy one, just a short line, but it has everything he wanted to tell her.

“I feel the same way.” The comment reads. Just a few seconds later comes the notification and he smiles sweetly at his phone.

Y/N liked the comment.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fluff #harry styles fiction #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry #styles #one direction #harry styles fanfictions

1K notes · View notes

shadyteacup · 3 years ago

Note

Congrats on 300 followers! You really deserve it cuz you're so talented and amazing. Can I request a angst prompt 11 with dazai thank you ❤️

Hola amigo! Thanks sm :D

Here's some sad angst... n no, it doesn't have a fluffy end... :(

Osamu Dazai + “Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it.”

Warnings: Angst, strong language. || Word count: somewhere around 1600, ig..

Get Out

You were an observant person. You were pretty sharp and thoughtful. You weren’t dumb. In fact, you were smarter than the average John or Jane Doe. You never ignored any signs or forewarnings that your brain threw at you. You always reported if something seemed fishy. You have never ignored someone’s wrong doings before.

But then again, there’s a first time for everything.

Sighing, you opened the door for your boyfriend.

“Hey.”

You said as you turned around almost immediately, ignoring his smile. Walking inside, you sat back at your desk, resuming your work.

Dazai stepped in, confused and worried. He had a lot on his mind as of late. He had to maintain a perfect balance between home and work, and it was taking a toll on his wellbeing. He hoped it wasn’t affecting your mental state. Maybe seeing him depressed all the time was lowering your spirits? He dearly hoped that wasn’t the case, for he was trying really hard to relieve his stress before coming home. He tried his best to stay happy and come home with a smile.

He threw his coat on the couch, kicking his shoes off and getting himself a glass of water. He was tired and parched.

As he gulped down the heavenly liquid, he observed you from the corner of his eye. You were staring at the screen, hands frozen above the keyboard. You were thinking about something. It worried him. Your random zone out sessions made him question his behaviour. Was he being rude or mean to you? Was he the cause of your constant worry?

“Y/N?”, he called out to you, trying to get you to snap out of it.

You flinched slightly, peering at him through your lashes.

“Hmm?”

He walked over to hug you from behind, but you got up, effectively avoiding him.

“What’s wrong?”

He furrowed his brows, reaching out to grab onto your sleeve.

You froze at the contact.

“Why don’t you get changed? We can have dinner then.”

Dazai held onto you, determined to get an answer out of you.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me?”

“I ordered Thai food today. Its from that new restraint around the corner. Riddhi really recommends it.”

“Stop ignoring me. And who’s Riddhi?”

“My friend. You haven’t met her.”

You tried pulling out of his grasp, but he pulled you forward, holding onto both your arms, now.

“Look at me. Y/N.”

You sighed, avoiding his gaze.

“Why don’t you get changed? I’ve picked out a shirt for you. It’s on the bed.”

Dazai was fed up with your aloof behaviour. You had been acting strange and distant for weeks now. Everyday was the same. He would come home to you acting weird, you would ask him to change, and only then would you let him touch you. He was tired of this bullshit. He had tried asking you politely and patiently, but every time you evaded his questions. He was done with beating around the bush.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? What the hell have I even done?!”

He shook you, trying to pry an answer from you.

“Answer me! Tell me! What is it? Whatever it is, I’m sure we can figure it out. But you must tell me first. You have to speak. Say something!”

You ignored him, looking down at the carpeted floor.

Dazai sighed, letting go of your arms.

“Do you even care about us?”, he asked you.

“Tell me you don’t want to leave. Say I’m enough to make you stay. I know it’s not true, but please just say it”.

You whispered.

Dazai stared at you, confused.

“Of course, you’re enough. Tell me if you care. Do you even love me?”

You stepped back, trying to control your emotions.

“You’re the one going around fucking others. Unlike you, I actually care, Dazai.”

You whispered, afraid to look him in the eye. It had been weeks since you had smelled that perfume on him. It was sweeter than his own but had a musky undertone to it. That, paired with the random marks all over his body, was enough to convince you that he was having an affair. He was smart; he had tried subduing the perfume by carrying his own cologne with him and reapplying it after the deed was done. Whoever he was with probably supported him, as they always bit near the marks you had left. Your marks and their marks coincided.

Only you knew which marks were fresh and which were old. They didn’t know this, and often nipped at partially healed skin, reviving the bruise and giving it a nasty purple hue. That was a clear indication.

What disgusted you is that the person Dazai was sleeping with knew that he was cheating on his partner, and was supporting him by playing along with his plans.

The extra hours were also a clear give away. You had even called Yosano and Kunikida to ensure that the agency had called it a day. Both of them had told you that everyone had left the office, while your boyfriend claimed to be in a client meeting with Kunikida.

It was laughable how incompetent he considered you to be. Did he really think his half assed attempts at covering up would fool you?

“What the hell are you saying-”

“Don’t act dumb. I’m not stupid, you know that.”

Dazai continued his act, hoping to prove you wrong by putting it all on you.

“I’m a loyal partner, Y/N. Just because I’ve been having more work load lately, doesn’t mean you go around assuming shit about me. I honestly thought you were better than this.”

You sighed, finally meeting his gaze.

The dead look in them proved to him that he was caught. He could not do anything to fool you. You knew.

“It started three weeks ago, on Monday. You went to work at eight, came home around eleven. Work hours end at 6. You were smelling different. It was distinct. You never wear perfumes that have a sweet undertone.”

You stared at him dead in the eye, shutting him up with your gaze. He would not dare to come up with stupid excuses. Not with you looking at him like that.

“You had a hickey on your neck, on a spot that I hadn’t covered. You tried covering it up with makeup, but it wore off pretty quick. Ever since then, you have been visiting your secret friend daily. I’m guessing you go at least three rounds, since you come home so tired.”

“That’s just disgusting!”

“I thought so too. But it does tire you, doesn’t it? That’s the reason you come home so worn out. You go around having sex, and you’ve been trying to hide it from me for three weeks now. Tell me I’m wrong.”

His lack of reaction and the look of guilt plastered all over his face was as loud as a confession.

“Whoever it is, is blonde.”

He looked at you shocked.

“How-”

“I found strands all over your coat.”

He rubbed his forehead with his palm.

“You like them, don’t you? Its not just physical, is it?”

You asked with a sad smile.

“How do you know all this?”, he asked, devastated at the fact that you knew everything going on.

“I know you too well. I actually paid attention to our relationship. I cared.”

He ran a hand through his messy locks. He had been so stressed lately, he had to find an outlet. He wasn’t one to stay in any relationship for long, but he actually cared about you. He hadn’t meant to hurt you, which is why is never broke up with you. He was bored of the thing you both shared, but he knew that you cared. So, he pretended to be equally invested.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Because I wanted to continue this thing for as long as I could. But not anymore. I’m done.”

He widened his eyes at you. He had not expected you to end this. He might have been bored, but he still cared for you. He loved you. He didn’t want to let go yet.

“Y/N, we can work this out. Please don’t leave.”

He begged you, trying to come closer to you. You stepped back.

“Please don’t. I can’t handle your smell. That scent repels me.”

He gasped, finally realising why you didn’t let him touch you.

“The perfume is a constant reminder of my...”

“Yeah.”

“And you tolerated all that, for so long. All for us.”

You nodded, turning away.

“But it doesn’t matter anymore. Thanks to your intense questioning, I’m finally free.”

“It doesn’t have to end, Y/N! We can work this out!”

“No, we can’t. I’m not enough for your boredom, and I’m not willing to become someone else just to please you.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry, please don’t- ”

You smiled bitterly at him, before opening the door of your apartment, signalling to him.

“Get out, and only come back to get your stuff. Goodbye, Osamu.”

This story features one of my close friends, Riddhi. I had fallen short of names to use n though why not write about an actual friend? She's not on tumblr, unfortunately. Damn I miss going out with her... anyways, hope u liked it! N sorry for the rant :p

189 notes · View notes

bittybattybunny · 4 years ago

Photo

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT I FINISHED

well mostly

that’s a temp crown and I have a single seam left BUT IT’S DONE REALLY OTHER THAN THAT

So now I’m prince ;3c (i also realized i could have grabbed my fake bouquet from my room for more fun---) also I’m wearing a face mask cuz I really didn’t want to put makeup on to fuck around in my basement when I do a proper photo shoot with Snuppet or something I will but deal with the mask (which btw is from @/timetravelinghk !!! It’s one of my favs to wear besides my levisnatch i wear at work)

I’m like super pleased with how this came out; It’s like patterned fully from scratch *stares at the failed attempts* yeah. it’s been a journey.

I’m gonna ramble a bit about the things I dealt with with this costume so read more I’m long winded

For context I started drafting patterns and such for Prince back when I made Snuppet. The idea has always been to cosplay as Prince and HK when I puppet him. However I wound up getting called back to my day job like right after I finished Snups so I never had a chance to continue because hooooo boi this summer was nuts. People wtf we broke records in sales for my work despite pandemic but i’ve ranted before--

There was also the matter of my boots and my wig. See the wig I’m wearing is the SECOND wig i bought for prince. the first one arrived all like... weird. i can’t get it to be fixed so I’ll use it for a monster costume and cover it with blood (its got like weird glue residue. like how some monster high dolls’ hair gets?)

This one is really nice uvu it’s my first arda wig i ordered; I do have the same in a dark purple because I will be making a ‘shadow prince’ version of this outfit in black and purple

and then the boots.

hoo boi

those boots

*inhale*

So let me say, I have decent sized feet. I wear between a womens 10 and 11 and that makes finding shoes a lil hard.

More so when I need very fucking specific shoes.

Yes i could do boot covers but it wasn’t going to be the same.

so I spent over a month looking and finally found those ones. they cost me a little bit (like they by far are the most expensive shoes I’ve ever bought. I hate spending money on shoes even for cosplay)

So they said they’d arrive soonish. I even paid express shipping.

Guys i ordered them in April. I got them late AUGUST. the site was a nightmare i could never get info it was permanently stuck in ‘packaging order for shipment�� and the help desk sucked and I was so busy with work I couldn’t call my bank and then just one day

they were just in a bag shoved in my mail box. i opened them right before a shift so they sat in my car all day

then i ordered gold cord on amazon

LACING THESE THINGS IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

the first time I wore them took me no lie about half hour to get them laced proper and on. My sister was waiting and had to come up like “...you okay?”

once laced tho i can easily put them on and off in like 5 minutes

now the costume itself has been. interesting. so you can’t see but the actual way i put this on is there’s a zipper and velcro! I’ve mentioned before I have CFS and chronic pain issues so I try to make my cosplays easy in easy out if i can. so this actually just. zips up and then the flap with buttons velcros down. it keeps the whole thing a lot smoother across my chest. (also i wear a binder for this cosplay. I bought my first one for this. if you cant tell i kinda went all out for this cosplay because I resonate with this fucker on a personal level and he’s brought me peace of mind this last year. I haven’t done a male cosplay in years and it’s kinda nice to do it again.)

Those sleeves

hhhhhh

those sleeves

trying to figure out the proper way to make those puff sleeves was. yeah. and even then they aren’t perfect but they work for me. When I redo this for shadow prince I may make them a little.. poofier? i have the idea how to do it now.

I also like had to alter my pattern after i made it to fit better. I have narrow sloping shoulders so things slip off them easily, my original pattern had very BROAD shoulders whoops.

the collar was also fun. i have to keep like stabbing myself with pins to get it to stand right.

I think the cravat was the easiest thing. it’s actually not tied or anything. its sewn together and then there’s velcro so i just wrap it around my neck and secure. As i said. i prefer easy on easy off.

the pants were. fun. I’ve always had issues making pants. the first set well... I made farrrr too thin. the legs were fine but i couldn't get the waist bit over my thighs or rear TTvTT

I’ve been playing with that pattern for the past week. I actually made them too WIDE today which is a much easier fix. tbh could take them in more but I do want the poof a bit. I do need to not wear LEGGINGS under them next time. like.

this costume is warm. I’m going to be a roast prince when con’s are a thing again. between how warm the tunic and binder are, and carrying/puppeting snuppet if you see me please know if I glare it’s most likely I’m dying. Gods it’s warm. I overheat so easily. (another reason I make it easy on and off)

So yeah! that’s my tirade on my prince cosplay! if you actual read down to this point mwah!

get a laugh out of the fact as I was coming back up stairs i scared my cat. he always freaks out when I’m in cosplay.

Also admire i took these photos blind. I didn’t want to put contacts in so i was playing with my new remote (i got a phone based tripod and it has a bluetooth remote to take photos it’s fucking great ngl)

alright I’m gonna go---

idk watch youtube tbh Im just happy i finished this!!!!

also please ignore the fucking litterbox i swore i moved it out of frame akjkldsffg

#cosplay #ahit prince #ahit #a hat in time #my face #sewing #traditional #now who wants to smooch this dweeb?#jk jk im being silly #but yeah finally done with this bitch!!! im so happy #now i can go shower i promised myself i could shower if i finished his pants tonight #hopefully anime boston happens this year so i can actually show it off and snuppet weep

207 notes · View notes

that-tall-queer-bassist · 3 years ago

Text

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class.

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening.

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling.

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took.

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally.

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there.

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with feeling their pain.

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it.

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

#adhd #adhd life #executive dysfunction #positive affimation #but it's only the begining ig #i might delete positive affirmations #idk #pros and cons #pros and cons of my adhd #nuerodivergent #nuerodivergent friends are the best #i will elaborate at some point #I've been on tumblr too long

42 notes · View notes

thefatedthoughtofyou · 4 years ago

Text

A Sky Full Of Stars

Ao3

(((( big thanks to @tinyboop for.... letting me rant at you i guess???? Hahahhaa! Idk!!! ))))

Summary: this is literally the most random little thing about Sam and Bucky and Mother's Day.

They'd been out grabbing some groceries when they walked past the little display in the window of the flower shop. Some big bright thing about mother's day being right around the corner. Bucky goes quiet. Not that he was being overly rowdy or anything. But he'd been relaxed. Having a nice time. He's tense the rest of the way home and Sam doesn't see him for the rest of the night.

The next few days he hardly sees him either. He comes out for food and disappears again. Sam leaves him to it, knows he'll talk when he's ready. Or at least come out of his room. He's never chatty. But Sam gives him space.

He gets up early on Mother's Day, makes himself a small breakfast, and smiles to himself when he hears Bucky "sneak" out the front door. He grabs his jacket, slips his shoes on, and follows him.

Sam knows exactly where they're going as soon as Bucky takes his 3rd left. He watches him go through the gates, shoulders drooped, head down, hood up. And Sam turns around, lets him go.

Bucky just stands there. For a long time. Looking down at his mom's grave. He doesn't know what to say. He used to be good at talking to his ma. But he just can't seem to say anything. His throats all closed up. He hears Sam way before he scuffles up behind him and stops.

They both stand there.

Silent.

Bucky clenches his fists.

"I left her." Bucky finally says, quiet. Sam sighs and closes the space, his hand falls on Bucky's shoulder easy.

"You didn't leave her." Bucky looks up at him, smiles that sad smile he has, and Sam's heart breaks, like it always does.

"I did though." Sam takes a deep breath. There's days Bucky is fine. And then there are days when ghosts show up. Ghosts Sam never would have even thought to think of. And this was one of those days.

"Okay, maybe you left her. In the literal sense. But you didn't abandon her Buck. You got drafted. You wrote her letters yeah?" Bucky doesn't say anything. Sam shakes his shoulder.

"Yeah. I wrote her letters." He finally says. Quiet.

"Bucky." He moves to look him in the eyes. "You didn't leave her. You were taken." He thinks for a moment, eyes moving away from Bucky and then zeroing back in.

"Twice." Bucky looks at his feet.

"Hey" Sam says, quiet like he's trying not spook a skiddish horse. Bucky looks back up at him, with mainly his eyes.

"It wasn't your fault. And i should know, cuz i mean a lot of things are DEFINITELY your fault, but not this." Sam feels relief flood through him when Bucky laughs. It's small. But its there.

"Those for me?" Bucky asks.

"What?" Bucky nods at Sam's hand, he'd forgotten he was holding them, a bundle of flowers.

"You wish. These are for your mother. Obviously." Sam rolls his eyes and sets them gently on the grave in front of them, as he straightens the leaves he doesn't see the look Bucky gives him.

Afterward, Sam drags him away. Tells him he wants to show him something. Bucky is apprehensive at best. But he lets Sam take him god knows where. Turns out god knows where is Sam's family's place. His mother's house to be exact. Bucky is shaking by the time they get to the door.

"Sam I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Hush. It's fine" And then his mom is answering the door and pulling them both inside.

"You're late young man." his mother says. Sam laughs as she pulls him close.

"Sorry mama, we had to stop and visit his mom in The Valley." She lets her son go and looks at Bucky, her eyes are kind like Sam's, and when she gives him a small toothy smile he sees Sam's gap and dimples reflected too. Then she pulls him close too. Doesnt say she's sorry for his loss, doesn't pity him, just squeezes him tight and says,

"Well if there's an exception to the rule, I'd say that qualifies." Then she turns to Sam, looking stern.

"Are you gonna introduce your guest?" And Sam startles and stutters before hurrying through the introductions. Bucky mumbles a small hello, and Sam's mom smiles at him again before telling him he can sit down and keep her company while sam cooks them a nice meal.

Bucky and Sam's mom get along, very well. Sam swears he even hears bucky laugh at one point, but when he peeks in to look at them, both of them are stone faced watching the tv. Sam is immediately suspicious, but he lets it go. They're quiet for awhile before he hears bucky say,

"I'm gonna see if he needs help with anything Mrs. Wilson, I'll be right back

" Sam smiles into the gravy he's stiring and pretends he didn't hear a thing. Bucky doesn't say anything for a long time, and when Sam finally turns around he finds him leaning in the doorway, arms and legs crossed as he watches Sam.

"Whats up Buck?" He asks, moving on to check the boiling potatoes. Bucky shakes his head gently.

"Just seein if you need any help?" He steps forward finally, into the kitchen. Sam looks at him for a second.

"You know how to cook?" He narrows his eyes.

"Of course i know how to cook. Little suprised you do." He says, laying his hands flat on the table, looking over Sam's cooking.

"What? Why are you suprised i can cook?" He sounds offended. And then Bucky is smiling and he just doesn't care.

"Sam, half the time i see you eat you're eating fast food or those weird protein bar things."

"Excuse me!?" Sam's mothers voice calls from the living room.

"Nothin mama!" He glares at Bucky who smiles and moves his eyesbrows on his forhead exactly once.

"Oh you're an asshole." Sam says and turns back to the stove.

"Yeah... i know. But I'm an asshole who's offering a service. You takin it or leavin it?" He turns again, Bucky's hands are at his sides, palms out, questioning. Sam watches him, thinks it over, sees Bucky's foot start to move and says,

"Can you mash potatoes?"

"Can i mash potatoe? Sam is now really the best time to brush up on your dancing?" He says, moving forward and taking the bowl of now strained boiled potatoes from Sam. Sam swears he hears his mother snort in the other room.

"You- what?"

"The mash potatoe. It's a dance. Was a dance? Is a dance." He decides, taking the mixer off the counter, dodging around Sam as he's frozen in confusion.

"Oh right, yeah. Good one." He says, sounding far away. He'd gotten the joke. He KNEW what the dance was. But Bucky joking had... knocked him off balance.

He watched as he began to get the potatoes going, saw that small smile on his face, and had to shake his head. A joking, smiling, Bucky Barnes, was helping him make his mother dinner for mother's day. He cleared his throat and got back to work.

Dinner was amazing. Bucky and his mother both praised the food he'd made. She gushed over the mashed potatoes for an overly long time, sharing little glances with Bucky that made Sam suspicious again. The fact that she kept looking between them, smiling and shaking her head was not helping.

They headed out late. His mom giving Bucky a very long hug before waving him out the door. Bucky went to stand by the car while Sam said goodbye to his mother. She stood looking up at him for a moment.

"What?" He asked, she had a look in her eyes.

"That boy." She nodded to Bucky.

"Yeah?" Sam asked, head tilting as he glanced at Bucky and then back to her.

"He's a good one. Nice manners. And funny." She said, inclining her head and swatting at Sam's chest.

"Funny? He's funny?" Sam asked, skepticism pressed into his voice hard, to keep up appearances. His mother looked at him, her hip cocking to the side.

"Yes. Funny. Charming too. And a bit sad." She said, looking out at Bucky, who had the decency to pretend to be looking at the stars.

"Yeah. I guess he's-"

"But not around you."

"Huh?"

"He's not sad around you."

"Mama how could you know that?"

"He has these little lines around his eyes when he's around you. Like he's smilin even when he isn't."

"He-"

"Just cuz he isn't smiling doesn't mean he isn't happy to be there." She said, cryptic as always when important things are being said.

"Happy to be where?" Sam asked, though he was pretty sure he knew her answer.

"Whereever you are." She smiled up at him once more and then pulled him close, and thanked him for a lovely meal, same as every year.

Sam walked to the car slowly, Bucky was still looking at the sky. Sam unlocked it and Bucky looked at him finally, nodding before sliding into the passenger seat.

They drive in silence for awhile before bucky sighs and relaxes farther in his seat. "There's so many stars out here." Sam glances at him, his eyes are still fixed on the sky. So he hadn't been pretending, he was genuinely transfixed by the sky.

"That was one of the best things about Wakanda. Besides the quiet. At night you'd look up, and it was just a sky full of stars." Bucky hadn't mentioned much about his time in Wakanda, to anyone. Sam was pretty sure he just wanted to have something to himself. He glanced at bucky again.

"There are places around here like that. Places you could go. You could probably buy a house in a place like that." Sam said, they'd never talked much about that either. Bucky having a place of his own. Sam could see him nodding, could see that small smile on his lips. "That'd be nice." He said, sighing again as the warm air blew over his skin. Sam cleared his throat and forced himself to keep his eyes on the road.

"So, where to next?" He said, for something to say really. He knew they were heading home. He felt Bucky shrug heavily next to him. And then felt Bucky's eyes on him. Sam turned to look at him, cautiously.

"Wherever you want, it's good with me."

And Sam saw it. What his mother had been talking about, the little lines around Bucky's eyes. He was smiling, without smiling. And he was looking at Sam. And he knew, just then, for that moment, he'd go anywhere with Bucky, do anything for him, as long he kept looking at him like that.

Sam smiled then, and huffed out a laugh as he moved his eyes back to the road. He heard Bucky do the same, saw a flash of white in his peripheral vision that ment Bucky was full on smiling, before he turned to look out the window once more. Sam took a deep breath, letting the warm air whisper agaisnt his skin as he drove them back to the city, hands twitching on the wheel when Bucky shifted in his seat and let his hand rest loosely on the console between them.

Sam almost reached out. He suddenly longed to touch him, and though the hand lying there was metal, it was still Bucky's. He glanced at Bucky again and made himself a promise.

Soon.

Soon he'd reach out. He'd touch him. He'd reach out and change things. The next time Bucky smiled. Under a sky full of stars.

#my writing #sambucky #winter falcon #sambucky fic #winter falcon fic

36 notes · View notes

sehunniepot · 4 years ago

Text

i like me better (when i’m with you) / 1.2 ✎

the fluffy strangers to lovers college!au in which your friends are tired of you complaining about being single and find your perfect match in the one and only campus dj, jaehyun jung.

< prev | masterlist | next >

You sighed as you slid into the car. Always the observant one, Johnny shot you a worried glance as he started the engine.

“What’s with the heavy sighing?” he asked, shifting the car into drive.

“I just...I don’t know?” The confused lilt in your voice stopped your best friend from interrupting you. You clearly had something to let out and he was going to give you the space to do so. That’s how it always was during these deep car talks. You would talk and Johnny, being the great older brother figure he was, would listen.

“I’m definitely happier than before. I’m satisfied with where I’m at. A lot healthier, in a major that I actually enjoy compared to last year. I’ve worked on myself for the past year and I like who I am now. I have a great group of friends—”

This time, Johnny couldn’t help but say something to lighten the mood. He smirked and said, “Yeah, I am pretty great, aren’t I?”

You playfully shoved him in reply.

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ in that sentence, though.” And just like that, the driver pulled you back into the serious conversation you were having.

“Yeah.” You ran your fingers through your hair while trying to gather your thoughts. Glancing at you, Johnny caught you nibbling your lip and playing with the ends of your hair. You always did that when you were deep in thought or something was bothering you in some way. He guessed this was deeper than your group of friends thought it was. And that bothered him.

As a true friend of yours, Johnny wanted you to be comfortable with them. To be happy in their company. But lately, the happiness he noticed was fading. There was something preoccupying your head. He needed to get to the bottom of it so he could help you in any way that he could.

The oldest of the group always doted on you and you two knew it to be true. There was no denying it. However, there was never a hint of romance behind that doting. It was similar to and older sibling choosing his favorite younger sibling and putting extra care to make sure they turned out alright.

Johnny Suh, the caring man everyone always knew him to be, just wanted you to be okay.

“I don’t know. Seeing Mina and Mark sometimes makes me miss having a partner. It’s weird, like, really weird. At times, I wish I had someone to share this happiness with. It gets me in a mood and I know how to pull myself out of it.”

Dating, you mean. You know it. You’re sure Johnny knew it too by the way he hummed in response. But that’s all he did. Hum with no other words to say. Johnny’s silence allowed you to continue on.

“But I’m scared of putting myself out there. Sehun...I know he was your friend but he hurt me pretty badly. I don’t think I could trust anyone with my heart again.”

You fiddled with your fingers anxiously—the topic of your past relationship was something you hated talking about. If you could even call it that to begin with. Maybe situationship was a better word for it.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to put myself out there again. I’ve tried once or twice and it always ended up with me backing out because I got into my own head.”

Your friend called your name and you shook your head, trying to stop the pity from slipping out of his mouth. You didn’t want it. You didn’t need it, either. “Munchkin,” your friend tried again with that nickname of his that made you break down your walls.

You let out a bitter chuckle in return. “Am I just going to be someone’s plaything for the rest of my life? Because that’s what happened with the past two guys? Or are my standards just too high that I can’t meet a person to match them?”

“Munch, you need to stop doing that,” Johnny warned you, his voice growing sharper with each word. The upset dad voice was starting to surface. That’s how you knew he really cared, when that tone of voice would appear. “You know that’s not true.”

Sending him a hint of a smile, you were glad you had someone like Johnny as a close friend. He may be a goofball at times but the man always knew what to say when you needed it the most.

“Look, the guys you met in the past? They were trash, including Sehun. But that shouldn’t stop you from putting yourself out there! And who knows, maybe you’ll find someone when you least expect it,” he reassured you, a warm grin gracing his full lips.

Eyes still training on your friend, you wondered why you couldn’t fall for a guy like him or Mark. Why did you waste your time with assholes?

Johnny turned into the parking lot of the shopping center, startling you out of your thoughts. You were so invested so into voicing what was shaking you up, you hadn’t realized that you were reaching the bakery.

Getting out of the vehicle, you both grabbed your cell phones and wallets. Johnny came around to shut the door for you, a little thing he always did that made you smile. Gathering you in his arms, your best friend gave you a comforting hug. “Hey, Munch?”

“Hmm?” you hummed, inwardly groaning at the long line of customers waiting to get their treats as you entered the bakery.

“What would you consider boyfriend material anyway?” Johnny questioned. You gave him a weird look to which he shrugged in return. “Just curious. I mean you already know my type.”

“Ummmm,” you had to take a moment to actually think about it. Johnny smiled at you patiently, waiting for your answer, “A guy who’s incredibly sweet and has no problem making me laugh. Caring. Has the same interests as me? Music, movies, whatever; so we have something to talk about, you know? Or at least, understands and listens when I talk about something I’m passionate about—”

You started to run off at the mouth as the line moves up. Again, Johnny did nothing but listen. As you listed the traits you looked for, he was mentally making a list of them and filing through his friends to see if anyone fit the bill.

“—Speaking of passion! They have to be passionate about their goals! And respectful of boundaries. Patient. And I don’t know—someone who’ll do cheesy things with me like dance around in the kitchen?”

Noticing that you were starting to drift into a rant, you stopped yourself with a sheepish smile. Almost embarrassed that you were going on without end, you began to fiddle with your fingers again. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“You’re fine, Munchkin! And those really aren’t high standards at all. A bit cheesy though, but it fits you. I can see you dating someone like that,” he reassured you, ruffling your hair. You squeaked at the sudden action and failed to slap Johnny’s large hands away from your head. A grumble left your lips as you used the glass windows as a mirror t fix your appearance.

Completely fits someone I know, Johnny thought to himself.

You both stepped forward in line. Squinting at the menu plastered on the wall, you skimmed through it and jokingly asked, “You’re just saying that cuz you’re practically my brother. Know anyone that fits my ideal type though?”

“Maybe, why? Want me to set you up?” your tall friend teased. “I might have a couple of friends who fit the type.”

“Oh yeah, totally interested if you could actually find someone. Highly doubt it though,” you shot back, sarcasm dripping from your words.

“Eh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Johnny said with a knowing grin. Shooting him a confused look, the boy just shrugged his shoulders, revealing nothing else.

Then, there was this sudden need to relieve yourself. Glancing at how many people were in front of you, there was still a bit of time before your party reached the front. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna the restroom real quick. You already know what I want, right? Just in case?”

Johnny nodded, waving you in the direction of the bathroom. As soon as you were out of sight, your friend pulled out his phone to a string of texts from Sejeong, Mina, and Mark in a new group chat that for some reason, didn’t include you. He skimmed through it and chuckled—what amazing timing.

#i like me better fic #jaehyun fic #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun social media au #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenario #nct x reader #nct social media au #nct #jaehyun #nct scenario #my fic

199 notes · View notes

umihoshi-art · 4 years ago

Text

Letter - Fugo x Narancia

“Dear Fugo,

You must be tinkin thinking 'what an aweful awful handwriting', but I guess that way you'll really know it's mine.

It's been 3 days since we left off. I left in the spurt of the moment, so we never really said goodbeye.

But I wouldn't want to either.

When this is all over, the first thing I'll do is trek track you down with Airosmith. There's no hiding, so be prepared!

First thing, you'll probably clup club me on the head. Guess I'd deserve that. Then, I'd laugh you in the face, cuz we were right and you were rong.

Oh! don't get me rong. I'm not blaming you for staying behind or anything. Bucciarati said we were all free to take our pick, so it's fine.

But well, I would have liked it if you had come along. I had hoped you would.

And there've been a lot of momentz where I thought you might just pop up.

We ran into this stand user that made me say everything oppusite. So at some point, I started ranting a bunch of facts that aren't true. Like 2+2 is 5 and 3x3 is 8, sharks are plants and tomatoes are black. Stuff like that. And in all honestly, I had sorta thought it'd make you come dash over and floor me. That would have been great, really! If it were you, you'd probably figure it out right away.

A lot happened really. A lot of sad things. At some point, we were being followed by someone and I shot him. He was a member of the eksequ exequ execusion squad. I don't regret it or anything, but it gave me a bad feeling.

Now that we've betrayed the boss, doesn't that mean they're on our side? It made me worry, once I had time to think about it. If you had been there, what would you have said? Would you tell me I did good and protected everyone? Would you tell me I got too hasty? Would you tell me it couldn't be helped?

Guess I've gotten kinda insecure of the late.

Thing is, uhm... right after that, Abbacchio was killed. He's gone.

I still get upset, when I take a pauce and thinking about it. It happened so fast, doesn't really feel real yet.

I bawled my eyes out like a baby. I've never felt this goddamn awful, Fugo.

I wonder what you would've done, then. If I know you a little, you'd have probably destroyed the place, screeming mindlesly. You always act like you don't really care, but I know you're a passionate guy.

Right now too, you must be reading this and feel like crying and screeming. When you do read it, I hope I'll be there for you.

There was a lot of crazy stuff too, like an actual fucking zomby stand! And this weird-ass mold that was hella sick! If you'd had been here, it would have been such a cool moment for you to use Purple Haze. Fight fire with fire, biting virus with biting virus!

Really, it was all wild as hell, but we pulled trough. A lot of other stuff happened too, but I'll tell you when I see you. Bucciarati'll probably get mad at me if he found this note already. Falu Valuable information and such.

But uh, I guess I want you to know all of these things, no matter what. Even if I don't find you, this letter might, y'know?

And I just wanted you to know I've been alright and that I miss you. I want you to be proud of me. And I want you to know that no mater what happens,

I'll always love you more than anything.

Volare Via,

N.G.”

Giorno bit his lip as he looked at the drenched paper again. The blood had long dried up, so there was no way of saving it.

He had considered looking for a stand user who could somehow restore things. Might be a long shot, but it was worth trying.

But before he'd try that, he'd want the person it was meant for to see it first.

With his new amount of influence and Mista's help to find his way within the organization, it took just a few days to find the man opposite of him in the run-down hotel room by the window frame.

A broken man who hasn't slept or eaten in days. A man who looked like a starved dangerous animal.

With the slightest touch, he would probably lash out to everyone and everything, including himself.

Giorno swallowed. It mesmerized him how full of emotions one person could be.

He was like the personification of their long journey. Everything they had sacrificed.

Giorno felt guilty over initiating all of it.

But it was from here on out that things would slowly go for the better. And Giorno wanted to start here.

“I'm sorry....” He spoke softly. “They didn't make it... Just me and Mista.”

Fugo didn't reply. The red in his eyes was deep and intense as he stared at the younger teen from across the room.

“Narancia-” Giorno heard the other inhale sharply at the sound of that name, “....-was holding this. I couldn't safe it, though.”

Giorno held the bloodied note out to the other. It showed signs of Giorno having tried to clean it. But if he had tried more then this, it would have only smudged the handwriting.

Fugo's hand was shaking fervently as he took the note and read the only 4 lines that were saved. He held his breath as things were spinning in front of his eyes.

“--ays love you more than anything.

Volare Via,

N.G.

ps: 16x55=880.”

Fugo fell to the ground, wailing in the most heart wrenching way the other had ever seen. It vividly remembered him how Narancia had cried out the same way.

They had been so alike...

It took Giorno aback and he felt tears prick in his eyes aswell.

He vowed to himself to make the impossible happen. If he had to, he'd MAKE a stand user that could recover this letter.

Giorno remembered running into this Japanese kid who was a stand user.... maybe there were more across the world.

But right now, there was one thing Giorno could do to relieve some of the heavy guilt his 'traitorous' friend must be feeling:

“Pannacotta Fugo. I have a job I want you to handle.”

#narancia ghirga #fugo x narancia #fugonara #pannacotta fugo #fugone #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part 5 #JoJo no Kimyō na Bōken Ōgon no Kaze #jojo fic #jojo's bizzare adventure vento aureo #Vento Aureo #ougon no kaze

37 notes · View notes

chris-spacehere · 4 years ago

Text

Penthos

hey girl, i had to make a greek myth for english class and im too lazy to make my own characters i made an au.

Penthos: philza Thirio: Techno.

Aplistos: Dream

(ok that was just a clarification cuz i had to change their names for obvious reasons)

uhh enjoy this crappy fic im kinda proud of also i had to write this as a greek myth set in modern times so please don’t kill me for the shitty way i wrote this.

Penthos.

Penthos was a mortal, whos soul had fallen to the rivers of Hades as he fell to his death, pleading he wanted a second opportunity to see the sun another day, Hades agreed on the deal as Phentos became an immortal, by the price of having to live as all the people around him die, family, neighbors, beasts, animals, his power became a curse, proclaimed as the ‘Angel of Death’, fallen from grace, watching everyone and everything fall with him.

He watched from afar, as the mortals challenged gods, filled the world with machines and power-hungry beasts, hiding on the woods, hiding from the horrible monsters humanity has become, scared of getting attached to anyone, scared of the death from those around him.

He lived in the woods, scared of going out, scared of himself, as he was walking and gathering fruits to make food, he found some pointy pink ears going around, as he thought this was a pig, he instantly went to hunt it, but when Penthos found it, There was no beast or pig, but a child, He had long elf-like ears, glasses, a bright pink hair, a white shirt, black pants and a dead bunny in his hands, plus he looked like he was around 14 years old, why would a child be alone in the woods? Where are his parents? and why are his ears so weird?

“who are you? Where are your parents? Why are you alone? what’s with your weird ears and hair?’ were some of the many questions Penthos asked the child, it’s been ages since the last time he talked to someone. “i’m an orphan” the tiny kid answered in a very soft and low tone, “aren’t orphanages a thing? you don’t need to be in the woods alone, the animals could eat you or-” the orphan interrupted Penthos before he could finish his claims of how dangerous it was for him to be alone.

“I am a strong person, old man! i can’t die and if i tried going to whatever on earth those humans were doing outside of this woods, they would just get me to their labs or treat me as a pet just for some pointy ears, you know you people just treat people like me as dumb animals for being different!” the kid cried in anger, pushing away Penthos “i understand you” Penthos said trying to calm down the child who seemed to have so much emotions going on his head “i made a deal with gods, y’know back then when people actually respect the olympus and all of this machines were just dreams of what the gods could barely make, i didn’t want to die and they accepted my cries but..everyone around me died, it is hard to not me human, but what happened to you? It has been so much time since i last saw someone like you..” Penthos said, trying to relate to the kid, so much time without being with people but he did miss the feeling of trying to make a child smile.

“They cursed me..” the orphan said “they cursed me to be a ‘beast’ for eternity, my own city exiled me for what I've become and now i’m here, but i don’t need some old man to tell me what to do! I've been surviving for one month already, I can handle myself, I know how to fight and I know I will never die, just like you or whatever you say the gods did to you!” The kid exclaimed while shoving back his tears. Penthos was surprised by this kid's confidence and use of words, he may not have understood well what he meant, but he thought he might have finally found someone like thim, a companion for his everlasting time on this planet, someone to share stories with, someone to take care of, a friend.

Penthos open heart seeking for company after all of this centuries, lonely, decided to invite the child to stay in a shack he built in that forest, he was known for not letting himself get attached to stuff but this time it seemed like he wasn’t going to leave this one, this time he felt comfy and wanted around. “My name is Thirio by the way” The kid said to penthos on their way to the shack. “Penthos” Penthos replied softly to the kid as they walked their way to home.

It was nice, for first time since the old ancient greece times he had a family, they touched the guitar and sometimes went to the Mortals cities to watch what was going on, you could say they didn’t really like the way governments and economy were working this days, just an old man and an smart child ranting about society from afar while cracking jokes.

One time when they were done with their visits to the Cities of the mortals as usual they returned to the woods and headed to take a nap on a lake near their shack, but this time there was someone following, an unknown man with golden hair in a green hoodie, he just silently followed them into the woods, no words, just a long walk back home.

As Thirio and Penthos relaxed in the lake the man with the green hoodie came out of the darkness, he was just a human wasn’t he? there was no reason to be scared, he was probably just a wanderer, Penthos told Thirio to just try avoid talking to the man as they started getting ready to go back home, but the man was staying still.

The man’s hands would slowly be turning into black void covering his skin, as his green hoodie slowly turned into tiny green vines surrounding the black void skin, and his face slowly turned into a blank “ :) “ face in a really bright white color in his black void face, Penthos turned his head before going back to his shack as his eyes open wide open to the reaction of the wide figure standing still staring at them.

Penthos yelled at Thirio to run fast into the shack and so he did, Then the man chuckled behind his breath “i’m sorry for catching you off-guard, i must present myself, i am Aplistos, sent by the gods to punish humanity for you all abusing the resources they provided you mortals and just wasted it and threw it over and then had the audacity to try challenge the gods!” Aplistos claimed at Penthos, clueless of his gift and curse from Hades, as then Aplistos pulled out a knife, Penthos thought he would finally be granted death, but the terrifying figure of Aplistos ran with his knife to another direction far from Penthos, what was the point? did he know he was immortal? no, then Penthos had the realization, he knew exactly where Aplistos was going, then Penthos went running after him but it was too late.

As soon as Penthos arrived he saw how Thirio’s body fell into the floor dead, as aplistos started laughing like a mad-man “i’ve noticed that taking people’s attachments is much of an easier way of having control over them, it’s easier to make you mortals learn your lesson this way you know?’ Aplistos said as Penthos got filled with rage as tears fell from his eyes, his worst fear came true, the one person he cared about, the kid he raised, the reason he learned to be kind and soft once again, the ‘kid that never dies’, gone forever. As the rage filled Penthos while Aplistos laughed to death, Penthos grabbed a rock and smashed it on Aplistos head as Aplistos reached the same destiny as Thirio.

But one does not cry forever, as Penthos made honor to his name, he reached acceptance and in honor to the one person that ever made him laugh, Penthos swore the rest of his infinite life to protect poor mortals from horrible monsters such as Aplistos, and make some good for humanity in all of the time he had got on his hands.

#dream smp #dsmp #dreamsmp #mcyt #philza #technoblade #dreamwastaken #pog trough the pain #just killed an old man with heart problems

8 notes · View notes

awfullyaster · 4 years ago

Text

andrew and neil are switches, don’t you forget it

ok hi here for my (probably) daily aftg rant,,,,so i’m seeing that the majority of the fandom (as far as i’ve seen anyway)--or fics/fanart consisting of andreil doing the do--view neil as a power bottom ?

am i incorrect? are my resources false? idk bout u but so far i’ve only seen like one fic where neil is the top/penetrator (!mao is that even a real word idk but it sounds weird haha cute ok anyway)

and honestly, i have to disagree. i do. i’m not trying to push andrew’s boundaries by saying that neil could top, i’m just saying that y’all don’t give neil enough credit.

liek,,,,,bro,,,,,do you not see the amount of top energy neil mf josten radiates ???? like, yes, we know andrew takes the lead but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’d top forever ?????

( just a proposition, ofc but this is just my opinion based on observations--yet again )

( and tbh i had difficulty trying to figure who was the top and who was the bottom between them when i encountered the first hint of intimate growth in their relationship--to the point where i had to ask my best friend who hadn’t a clue what aftg was prior to (that’s when the aftg rants officially started/ignited) and it took some time/proper discussion/consideration but he first came up with the conclusion that andrew was a sub top and that neil was a power bottom )

as for yours truly, i came to the conclusion that they are both switches (some time after i finished reading).

i mean,,,,,,can you really just look at neil josten--wholly, like his entire personality, attitude (problem !), traits, &c and decide on the spot that he’s a bottom ??? how ??? how the hell do you come up with that ?????

and hear me out, i have evidence/reasons:

one) The Great Riko Roast™️. need i say more?

(if elaboration is necessary:

keep in mind that neil (this literal fucking nobody) burned riko (supposedly the king of exy or whatever the fuck, who cares) to ground on the spot (no script, just his attitude problem (mwah i love him) and pure spite)

again, he burned him to the ground on live television, publicly humiliating riko with each and every word

idk bout u but i am so damn sure andrew found out right then n there that this bitch radiates top energy for fucking sure (or, in his words, isn’t spineless)

neil committing arson via verbal attacks is just---splendid. absolutely mesmerizing. flawless. truly inspiring. gamechanging. glorious.

he’s so rude i love him

anyway )

two) neil can shut up andrew up without having to touch or kiss him. he can leave him speechless. with just his words.

(yes, we know anybody & everybody knows better than to touch andrew but like i mean he wouldn’t have to fight him or whatever) (and he doesn’t have to kiss him to shut him up--though he definitely can--he doesn’t have to because that’s just how fucking powerful he is)

y’all,,,,,are you ready for one of the most amazing lines i believe we all know and love,,,,,

““You have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits."

“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.”

“There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.”

“And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”

Andrew stared stone-faced back at him.

[...andrew had his hand frozen mid-air...(i forgot the rest)]”

if this does not prove dominance to you, i don’t know what to tell you. (HE WAS MERELY SPEAKING AND ANDREW COULD NOT COME UP WITH ANYTHING-- A N Y T H I N G --TO SAY BACK BC IT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK AND HE DIDN’T SEE IT COMING AND THAT’S WHY HE SEES NEIL AS INTERESTING/WHY HE ‘HATES’ HIM SO MUCH BRO I)

hOweVeR

i know that dom bottoms exist (i think so, anyway) or bottoms that radiate top energy/the position (i.e. bottom,top) energy you radiate can be entirely different from what position you really are/are comfy with and that these are just words but that brings me to my following point,

three) (#1 insitgator, he, oh yes, neil josten, yes indeed) his unexpected (and to be frank, quite thrilling) acts of asserting dominance ?????? um ????

(when they were kith kithing next to the kitchen (next to kitchen) in neil’s dorm room) “[neil felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and against the wall it was obnoxiously loud. he already knew it was his daily countdown, but he already knew how much little time he had left. he didn’t need to reminded, especially now...andrew took it out of his back pocket and offered it to neil, pulling away from his mouth. neil took the phone from andrew’s hand and threw it across the living room, not taking his eyes off andrew. andrew watched as the phone bounced off the couch and onto the carpet. neil kissed his neck in attempt to distract him and was rewarded by a startled jolt which was enough reason to do it again. and even though andrew pushed his face away, they were close enough for neil to not miss how andrew shivered.]”

b r o ,,,,,,,,,,,, bro,,,,,,it just--

(when they were alone in the bus otw to that one away game--belmonte, i think?) “[“i wonder when coach found out about this,” neil prompted.

“there is no ‘this’.”

“i wonder when coach found out you only want to kill me ninety-three percent of the time.”

neil retraced his steps and had a moment of realization. before andrew left for easthaven, neil had told andrew to trust him and not ‘neil’.

“it was before you left,” neil started...

“coach doesn’t believe what other people want him to believe, he believes what he sees,” andrew replied...

“are you going to tell them?” neil was referring to the rest of the team, and this was up to him, whether they’ll be out or not.

“i won’t have to. renee says the upperclassmen are betting on your sexuality.”

neil knew that matt mentioned that there were bets on about him, but he didn’t know it was about this.

“it’s a waste of time and money. they’ll all lose. i’ve said all year that i don’t swing and i meant it. kissing you doesn’t make me look any of them differently. the only one i’m interested in is you.”

“don’t say stupid things.”

“make me.” and with that, neil grabbed a fistful of andrew’s hair and pulled him in.]”

dude,,,,,,,,,he can take control,,,,,he can,,,,he can lead, too, but he follows andrew’s because he’s a good boy and he knows how important it is. he improvises and uses what he has and takes control from there. dude. dude.

three) honestly? i think andrew likes it. neil’s unexpected acts of confidence,,,kinda leaves him on the edge of his seat yk,, like doesn’t it increase his percentage? it does, right? cuz ik it did when andrew guided neil to touch his chest and neil emulated andrew’s words, “i won’t be like them. i won’t let you let me be.” (i love them bye) but liek,,,,yeah idk andrew liking neil’s neck kisses/fetish kinda tells me he likes it so maybe this isn’t concrete evidence particularly but i’m still including it because andrew’s a switch, idc what anyone says,

four) i lost my train of thought but i ran out of reasons--on the spot, anyway--so i might come back to this if i do but just to make it clear:

andrew minyard is a switch. (it just takes time, like a lot, but it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily impossible/never gonna happen.)

neil josten is a switch. (he respects andrew’s boundaries and doesn’t push him, he’s fine being guided, but it doesn’t mean he can’t take the initiative himself (and i forgot to mention it but re: when he asked andrew if he doesn’t like to be touched in general or if it’s a trust thing + many more times, before & after their first kiss, i believe, my brain is just empty rn) and i just think that deserves more recognition)

so !!

(this post is a mess, (i always am but today’s just worse) i know, and i’m sorry)

in conclusion,

let neil top andrew !! they deserve it !!

(not that vice versa is bad, but this isn’t either, yk, just saying. also, i hope this isn’t too late to say in the post, but i do not, i repeat, i do not, intend to pressure any content creator--fic writers, fan artists, editors, &c--to create content this particular way only,,,,okay,,,gotta make that unequivocally clear. and i’m not saying andrew topping neil is bad or overrated, because i know that when it comes to them, sex in general would take some time, especially neil topping andrew, but i think they deserve that freedom, yk. again,,,,this is just my personal opinion. no insisting statements here, just wish for freedom to speak my mind, that is all. also feel free to interact if you agree/disagree or both !! i’m willing to hear anyone’s comments or thoughts or whatever !! i hope i’m talking to a brick wall here ahah)

bro brain poop rn

anyway

tl/dr: bro let neil top (not necessarily on top, but that works, too--either/or--or both, if y’all dare ;DD (kill me) (but like srsly) (let neil top) (plz) :))

(also somewhat off topic but might anyone have access to some fics in which consist of neil first getting andrew off ??? i randomly remember it from ms. sakavic’s extra content page and i would like to see what the fandom offers, if y’all don’t mind)

im so mean and insistent on my aftg-related opinions now that i think about it

whoops

34 notes · View notes