#had to get it out my system but I’m down for any advice
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Boy trouble rant lol
I have a tiny boy dilemma, he comes into my work maybe once a week and buys one soda. I might be imagining it but I feels like he only goes through my register. We talk a small bit while I’ll scan and he hands me two dollars. Don’t get me wrong I’m not head over heels for this mid looking guy, but he has this really nice vibe I dig and I get a sudden wave of nervousness when I realize he’s in my line not in a bad way obviously, I don’t even know his name. But I feel like we might be stuck at a stand still of just small talk at the register. But I also feel like he won’t make a move because I’m wearing a mask and doesn’t know if I’m ugly or not. ALSO I’m afraid he might be republican leaning because he looks redneckish I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
#my head go empty when I talk to him so I can’t remember to ask for his name#his face looks a little weird but he does have a body type I like#it feels weird talking about it since I’m more interested in women but#there something about him I can’t shake he’s living rent free in my heads ladies HELP#had to get it out my system but I’m down for any advice#please help I’m rizzless over here
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My Favorite Wolfstar trope ✧.*
Remus Lupin x Sirius Black, James Potter x Regulus Black
Part 1?
Remus and Sirius never imagined themselves with a child after their years at Hogwarts. And especially after their childhoods. Sirius had grown up in an abusive household, never getting the love and care he deserved until he was taken in by the Potter’s. Then Remus, he grew up with breaking bones once a month, every month. Something he still dealt with, but it was easier now, having been able to afford and make Wolfsbane Potion.
Today was a day they never expected to happen, but, when Professor Mcgonagall, now Headmistress Mcgonagall, called saying that she had found a six-year-old lycanthrope roaming the streets with a shared background of both Remus and Sirius, they couldn’t help but give it a shot, no matter how scared they were to take in a child.
However, they weren’t alone in the endeavor by any means. For they had gained a large support system over the years. James had already told them he’d be the cool uncle that would teach her how to play Quidditch, and Regulus had counteracted that by saying he would be the calm uncle that she could go to for advice and he would teach her how to be a Quidditch commentator who didn’t curse every other second, unlike her new father to-be, Remus.
The two men were currently pacing at Effie and Monty’s while they awaited McGonagall and their little girl’s arrival. Noticing their frantic behavior, Effie softly approached Remus and took him by the shoulder, gently guiding him down to the couch; she then placed a cup of tea into his hand, smiling warmly.
Meanwhile, Regulus walks over to his brother and grins, “This little girl is going to be so lucky to have two amazing fathers in her life. And me, but we can discuss visiting hours with Uncle Reg later,” He winked, slipping a peppermint into his brother’s hand. He earned a laugh from Sirius which was his goal, so he was happy with that as he forced Sirius into an armchair.
The heads of both Remus and Sirius popped up when they heard the heels of Minerva McGonagall’s clicking up the sidewalk that leads up to the Potter Manner. Too excited to meet the new addition to the family, James peels back the curtain to get a sneak peek only to see a small girl, only reaching about up to Minnie’s knees, with long dark brown hair and said eyes; looking closer he spots faint scars in various locations on her face, not near as prominent as his long-time friends though.
Minnie made eye contact with James through the window and smiled while Euphemia rushed to open the door and greet them.
“Hello, Minerva.” She smiled, opening the door wider, welcoming the Headmistress and the young lycanthrope in. “And you must be Ellery.” Effie greets the young girl softly.
Ellery nods before shyly tucking herself into Minerva’s robes.
Minnie gently pulls the girl back into view and crouches down to her height. “Are you ready to meet Sirius and Remus? You know, I used to have to instruct those two and they were an absolute pain, but they cared.”
Sirius scoffed, but his eyes softened when he noticed the young girl peer towards him.
Noticing this, ever observant, those two women, Minnie and Effie stood up and moved to the kitchen, giving Ellery space to meet the two men who were kind enough to take her in.
Sirius walked over, dragging a petrified Remus behind him and crouched down next to the young lycanthrope before sitting next to her. “I’m Sirius,” He tugged Remus down, who protested as his knees popped. “This is Remus.”
“Hi,” Remus whispered softly.
Ellery tilted her head to the side, her hair falling with. “Hi.” She greeted back meekly.
Noticing the oncoming awkward silence, James joined in, passing her a lollipop as he sat down with his friends. “I’m James,” He introduced himself. “I’ll be your cool uncle. This is Regulus, or Reggie, or Reg, or the lame uncle.” His arm reached out, pulling Reg down to join them.
“Hello, Ellery. May I call you Ellie?”
At this the girl nodded and moved towards Regulus curiously, picking up his hand and twisting his rings around. Smiling, Regulus took off the ring that had a moon on it and passed it over to her.
She whispered a small thanks before walking curiously over to Remus. Remus smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “Hi, Elle.”
“Hi. You’re like me?”
“I am,” He whispered, as she stepped closer, resting her small hands on either side of his face, tracing over his scars with her tiny fingers, often like Sirius does at night when everything has gone quiet.
“Are you ready to go home, My lovely?” Sirius pipes up, carefully pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“Home?” She mimics back.
“Home.” Remus and Sirius confirm with a nod.
#wolfstar#jegulus#remus x sirius#james x regulus#moony x padfoot#wolfstar daughter#wolfstar dads#effie potter#the marauders
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TONGUES & TEETH —
CONTENT WARNING : this fic series will contain DARK content , smut , age gap (reader is mid-late 20s while Nikolai is in his 30s) , probably inaccurate detective work descriptions , and religious themes. this does not follow canon and it is a non ability AU
chapter warnings : suggestive themes (angry sex gets mentioned once) ; firearm
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄 : 𝐖𝐇𝐎 ?
A detective.
That’s what you are.
Or well, that’s what you were. You had left that life behind you, swore on it. You weren’t a terrible detective by any means, quite the opposite. You were notably the smartest detective in your city. Sharp and witty, reliable and smart. That’s what you prided yourself on. But with making bigger shoes, you made yourself nearly look like a clown when you stepped out of them. All it took was one case, one case to make you step down.
And like that, you were out of the game.
With no interest to push yourself forward in your career, you sidelined yourself much to everyone’s dismay. You had people relying on you, people who needed you. But a normal life is what you desired after what felt like an action film that lasted forever. It’s what you deserved.
You didn’t lose all that much like you expected though. People still respected you for what you did, your ex-coworkers still treated you like their own, they still come to you for advice and you gave them your best. You became a mentor for younger detectives, a rowdy but loveable group who wanted to follow your footsteps.
You were content with the life you led. All trauma considered, you’d say you’re doing pretty solid for what you’ve been through going through cases.
You were happy for once, you were content with this domestic life you’ve made for yourself.
"Someone tells me you’re sick of old games. Let’s play a new one. =)"
You repeated the note left on your window to your ex-work partner, Mikhail, on the phone. Staring at it with furrowed brows, you cursed to yourself. "I quit this shit for a fucking reason." With a groan, you slam yourself back down on the couch.
"Did you check security cameras?" Mikhail questioned, groaning along with you. He’s been by your side since your guys’ first day together, two peas in a pod. You still remember the days where you were just young rookies together. You guys weren’t Sherlock Holmes and Watson by any means, but some might argue that your dynamic duo could come close.
Your face fell into a deadpanned expression, "You really think I wouldn’t?"
"Hey, I’m just trying to make sure we covered all bases. But knowing you, you probably already did that so I guess it was a stupid question— which is besides the point though." You could tell that he was just at a lost as you are.
"Misha, I wanted to leave this stuff behind me." You said, a little more solemnly than you’d liked to admit. "I thought after I faded out in the system for a bit, things would be okay for me. Sure, we’ve made our enemies—"
"You especially."
"Yes, me especially. But I know that most of them are in prison and the others are respectable enough to do this stuff to my face instead of… whatever the fuck that is. I wanted out."
"And you will be out. One day, I promise you." Mikhail reassures, his usual lighthearted tone softening. "Do you think it could be the same guy from our last case together?" He asks.
And you wished you had an answer. The last case you ever took on as an official detective left you in pieces that you’re still trying to pick up to this day. There were too many missing factors but so many were coming to a horrific realization. There were no hints one moment and then the next, there were. Each step closer you thought you took, set you 10 paces back with little time to catch up. That case had flipped your life upside down and around. Like some sick cycle.
If it was the same bastard behind that case, you were sure that the old you would’ve jumped at the chance.
But you aren’t the person you were in the past, and you haven’t been for a long time.
Maybe this was exactly what the guy wanted, what they came here for. To wait for things to get calm till they could hit hard again. Or maybe, there was a chance that this note could’ve come from a new, completely different person. Someone who wanted to take out an old big shot to make themselves look even bigger. There was just too many open spaces with a huge gap of no information. It could be anything from anyone.
"I don’t know Misha, with the little to no info right now… it literally could be anyone." You admitted, not trying to even hide the defeat in your voice. Your brain searching, scanning, and recalling for anyone that stood out to you in your life. Someone who would mess with you like this, taunting from afar. It hits you like cold water in the morning. "Oh my god. What if it’s my ex?"
"You think you got yourself caught up in like a weird crazy ex revenge situation? What was the guy’s name again?" Mikhail questioned.
"Nikolai. Nikolai Gogol." You responded, rubbing at your temple. Fuck, if it really was Nikolai…
But that was so long ago, way before your last case. And that relationship was never going to last, the both of you knew that. You wanted different things, you two were different…it wouldn’t have worked out. Maybe he wanted Bonnie and Clyde, turn you away from the so called righteousness and justice that is detective work. Live out a life of crime. You never were aware of what he did for work, you were able to tell it was dangerous. And maybe in another life, he was able make you his Bonnie.
You made sure that this wasn’t that life.
Thinking back to all the times you’ve spent with him makes your heart has plunge into your stomach. You were aware that he wasn’t the greatest person to date. You said through heated kisses and angry sex that it was just the rush, the thrill of it all in the relationship you had with him that kept you around. Each time he could only laugh in your face. All his talk about freedom definitely added a new perspective to your life, but it was so extreme.
And oddly enough when you wanted to end it, he was very much less than pleased even though that’s all he’s ever wanted. To be free. He’s a walking contradiction though and he left your life without a trace. You refused to look back.
It wouldn’t make sense to mess up your life now.
….
When did he ever make sense?
"I’ll check in with the database, see what I can scoop up on him." Mikhail attempts to reassure you, though it does little to soothe your thoughts. He never knew about the complexity of your relationship with Nikolai. Just that it was strange. He didn’t know how dangerous he was.
But you weren’t about to tell him right now, not while it felt like someone was watching you. "Okay…"
"Did you ask your neighbors if they saw anything? What about that one neighbor across from you?" Mikhail suggested. "Take a picture of the note and I’ll drop by with some of the team by your place so we can investigate more. Better to not tamper with evidence so just use the picture to show your neighbors."
"Okay, yeah I’ll do that." You agreed, it wasn’t a bad idea. "Thank you Misha."
"I’ll be there in about fifteen. Go chat with your neighbors. Don’t die."
"Trying not to." You chuckled, hanging up the phone. You stood back up from the couch, looking at the window with disdain. The note was still there, staring back at you. Though you knew nothing was confirmed, you tried to find any hints of Nikolai’s presence. The only thing sticking out to you was the smiley, and that wouldn’t be viable evidence of anything. You shook your head, opening the camera app on your phone and snapping a picture.
Now that was done and over with. Time to talk to your neighbor.
Your neighbor was a relatively tall and attractive man you would say. You’ve never talked to him before, only seeing him for a brief moment when you walk to your car or when he goes out. Your window allows you a somewhat good view outside. Though you could also say that his appearance did make him stand out too.
Tossing on a jacket, you hoped your neighbor wouldn’t judge too hard if you were in your pajamas. It was still early in the morning when you woke up to that note.
You bite your tongue, you shouldn’t leave the house unarmed. Taking a quick trip back to your room, you put on your belt that you wear to do your mentor work. The one that’s meant to hold your firearm. You grab your gun in your drawer to put in your holster.
You opened the door, shivering a bit as the cool air hits your skin and hugged yourself tighter. Whoever put that note there must be really motivated to mess with you because who on earth would put a stupid note on a window when it’s this cold?
Taking a couple of steps towards his door, you placed a firm knock. You really hoped he was here. It would be an even shittier day if he wasn’t and you were waiting out in the cold longer than you needed to be. But thankfully, the door opens.
"May I help you?" The rich Russian accent caught you off guard, making you blink in surprise. You weren’t sure what to expect when he did speak but it wasn’t that.
You gave the man an apologetic smile, "Hi I’m so sorry to bother you early this morning but I was wondering if you had heard anything strange late at night or earlier in the morning? Or if you had seen anything weird?"
The man looks down at you for a moment and you could tell he was studying you. His eyes were probably the most vibrant shade of a deep purple hue that you had ever seen before. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, he had a good poker face you had to admit. He only tilts his head to the side, looking concerned. "I had not heard anything out of the ordinary. I usually am not here all that often because of work, but when I am here, I like to stay in my bedroom and rest."
He sounded genuine, and he definitely looked genuine. But those years you’ve spent as a detective grew your skills, and you’ve kept them sharp. You wouldn’t have been earnestly praised highly as a detective if you weren’t good at catching onto the small things. A blessing and a curse. There was something off about this neighbor of yours that you couldn’t place your finger on.
You couldn’t let him know that though, so you only shook your head again and waved your hand. "Ah, I’m so sorry again then. There was just a note left on my window and I was just wondering if anyone saw anything. It’s okay, thank you for your time."
"That sounds terrible, forgive me if I’m overstepping but are you certain it wasn’t your roommate playing some sort of prank?"
……
You could feel the gears in your head pause abruptly. You blink at him in confusion.
Roommate?
"I don’t have a roommate?" You clarified, raising a brow at his comment. But he only reciprocates your confused expression.
"Is that so? I was sure you did. There was this man I’ve seen at your place before quite often whenever I’m here." He tells you, and your mind goes into a frenzy. What the fuck was he talking about? Was he talking about Mikhail?
"I’m sorry, could you explain more?" You kept your tone polite, and it was obvious you weren’t expecting this. You were too distracted by the thoughts swirling in your head that you didn’t realize that you were shaking a bit from the weather.
"Here, you should come inside. I have some tea prepared for myself but there’s enough to share. I’ll tell you what I know. Part of it is that it’s bad manners to keep a guest outside in the cold." He opens the door more, stepping out of the way.
Jesus, you really did want to stop being dragged into these games.
#. . . words of the crimson moon —✫・゜・。.#bsd x reader#bsd x you#bsd x y/n#gn reader#nikolai x reader#nikolai x you#nikolai gogol x reader#nikolai gogol x you#. . . jester at the house —✫・゜・。.
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.・。.・゜✭・Smart Mouth・✫・゜・。.
NSFW (18+ ONLY) MDNI
academic rival!taehyun x fem!reader
content warnings: drinking, drunk sex, unprotected sex, pet names (pretty girl, baby), small mentions of smoking/weed, slightly condescending Taehyun, fucking until ur dumb lol, if i missed anything else pls lmk!!
author's note: i've been on-and-off working on this fic until i started hating it! just needed to get it out of my system so i can finally work on other stuff! also i didn't really edit this, so sorry for any typos or grammar errors
song inspos: You Lose! By Magdelena Bay; Cologne by beabadooobee
“Hey… Y/n? Maybe you should slow down a little bit?” Yeonjun furrows his brows in concern as he watches you down your third shot in the last 10 minutes.
Yeonjun’s worries fall on deaf ears as you suck the lime between your teeth. You just need something to fog your mind, to haze the racing thoughts and anger that swarms inside you. Something to distract you from the shitty day you just had. The logical part of your brain is screaming at you to heed Yeonjun’s advice, but you’re not at this party to be smart and logical like you usually are. You are at this party to make bad decisions: to make up for the time you wasted chasing after something, and having it ripped away from you anyway.
Usually, you’re not at these types of parties. Usually, you spend your free time in front of a laptop, coding for your lab. Or maybe burning your retinas as you stare holes through research journals, looking for articles to cite. Maybe even clocking in overtime hours, proctoring experiments that you were begged to cover last minute. Day in and day out, you give everything to your lab, and yet they decide to go with him? After doing everything the PhD students and postdocs ask of you– for three fucking years– they give the head coordinator position to him? And now here you are fucking thinking about your lab even though the whole point of being at this dumb party is to not think about it and-
Yeonjun’s soju bottle hitting the table snaps you back into reality.
After his swig, he waves a hand in front of your face, “Aye, you still here?” Yeonjun’s fingers blur and distort as they move in front of you. The blasting music and sounds of people socializing blend into a slurry. Shit, those shots are finally hitting.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” the words fumbling over themselves as they exit your mouth. You rub the palm of your hand into your forehead, turning to look as Beomgyu greets someone at the front door.
Your stomach drops when you see who comes through the door. Everything seems to slow down and unravel as the tall figure entering the house does some stupid dude-bro handshake with Beomgyu. His chocolate brown hair, his lean figure, his twinkly eyes: you could recognize him from miles away. The heat rising in you is sobering; it blisters in your lungs as you stare at him from across the house. The last 24 hours come crashing down on your shoulders again.
Yeonjun looks over to what has captured your attention and his eyes widen. “Ah fuck!”
“Jun,” you slowly turn towards your fox-eyed dumbass of a friend, “I thought you said you double-checked with Gyu to make sure he wasn’t coming tonight.”
“I did, Y/n! I swear on my life!”
“Then why are we staring at the Kang Taehyun in your living room?”
Yeonjun runs his hand through his hair, huffing out his answer, “I don’t know! Maybe he changed his mind?”
You look over at Taehyun’s direction again, and your eyes meet. Your heartbeat quickens. His eyes squint, not hiding how he has spotted you. Fuck. You don’t even have time to process and suddenly Taehyun is standing across the kitchen island from you and Yeonjun.
He leans forward and whispers to you, “Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here~”
It’s amazing how you could see straight after how hard you rolled your eyes at him. The chocolate-haired boy chuckles in response. Taehyun greets Yeonjun who makes it brief. He may be a little dense, but even Yeonjun knows not to get too chummy with the bastard you were talking shit about all evening.
“I was just about to leave, actually!” You begin getting up when a firm pair of hands push your shoulders back into the stool.
You turn in shock and see Beomgyu pouting at you, “Y/n~ you never hang out with us anymore. Can you just stay a little longer?” He whines, but you hear a hint of mischief in his voice.
You try to protest, but before you can utter a sound Beomgyu interrupts, “Plus, you still owe me from that time you promised to treat me out on my birthday… and NEVER did…”
Fuck. You totally forgot about that. You look at Beomgyu and he gives you the biggest, pleading puppy-dog eyes. An irritated sigh escapes your teeth. “Fine.”
Taehyun is already opening the soju bottle with ease. He smiles as he pours a shot for himself, “Uh oh, Beomgyu! You made the pretty girl mad!”
God, he pisses you off.
Taehyun, the golden boy: good merits with all his peers and professors, at the top of everything he does. When you both joined your psychology lab, it honestly was nice at first. You grew pretty close being in the same cohort. You both seemed driven and, as first-years, shared a lot of interests and hobbies. The only difference between you being Taehyun’s natural ability to succeed. In the beginning, you didn’t notice. Every class, every test, every paper: Taehyun aced with flying colors, while you chased after him, just out of his reach. But it was fine because you were friends. Taehyun would smile, ruffle your hair, and say “maybe next time”.
But there was never a next time. Even in the middle of your final year at uni, Taehyun has topped you every single time. Though the rest of the department sees your rivalry as light-hearted and playful, a darkness grew underneath it all. Frustration. Anxiety. Jealousy. As the gap between your abilities became more and more apparent, his “kind” remarks began to sting more and more. The more he teased you, the more tired you became of his patronizing nature. Eventually, you pushed him away.
No longer stuck in your ruminations, you catch yourself staring as Taehyun pours a giddy Yeonjun and Beomgyu a shot. He tilts the bottle towards you, “Do you want one?”
Yeonjun starts talking before you say anything, “I think it’s better if she sits this one ou-”. You place your shot glass in front of Taehyun before Yeonjun can finish.
“I can handle myself.”
Beomgyu giggles, wrapping an arm around you, “See, I missed you!! Still as bitchy and smart-mouthed as ever!”
Taehyun cocks his eyebrow at you, “I missed that too.” He pours the shot to the brim.
—
Due to spite, you feel extra pissy today. Or maybe it’s because Taehyun has made it a point to hover wherever you are in this damn house. You want to watch the beer pong tournament happening in the backyard? There’s Taehyun wanting to join suddenly. You want to take some mirror selfies with Sakura in the hallway mirror? Taehyun is posing in the background of some of your pics! You want to pass a joint with Heesung and chill on the upstairs balcony? Taehyun just decides he wants a couple of hits too!
You finally get some peace and quiet by wandering to one of the empty rooms on the second floor. You sit down by the foot of the bed.
You feel defeated, for some odd reason. The whole goal of tonight was to get Taehyun off your mind, and yet he’s creeped into every crevice in your brain, invading every thought. How he downs shots exposes his pretty neck, how his eyes brighten when he smiles for pictures, how soft and big his hands are when you hand him a joint… Ugh. You mentally smack those images out of your head.
There’s a little secret you would take to your grave: the main thing that pisses you off about Taehyun is that he is drop dead gorgeous. It’s just all too unfair. A person can’t be insanely smart and look like an S-tier model. There really should be rules about that. But it’s evident God has favorites, and Taehyun is one of them. Being cross-faded also hasn’t helped with these thoughts. You feel floaty and a bit too…vulnerable. Like everything is threatening to burst from your chest.
The light from the hallway lights up the room for a second as the door opens. It’s the last person you want to see.
“Taehyun, please. Just leave me alone,” you sigh, not bothering to hide your irritation.
He scoffs, “Happy to see you too,” He closes the door behind him and leans against it.
As you both soak in the silence you can’t help but grow confused by his persistence. How does he just keep popping up everywhere?
“Is there a reason you’ve been following me tonight?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking abou-“ You stand up and get in his face before Taehyun can finish his sentence: just close enough to smell the alcohol on his lips.
“I’m not stupid, Tae. So please, just tell me what you want.”
He raises his arms up, “Okay, okay. You got me. I’ve just been trying to find a moment to talk: in private.”
He takes a deep breath. He leans into the door harder, tilting his head back and pinching the bridge of his nose, “Why are you acting like this?”
Your eyebrows scrunch. “Huh?”
“Y/n, you never come to these types of things. I’ve invited you to them plenty of times,” he continues, “then out of the blue, you come with Jun of all people.”
“I know I’m a shut-in, but I’m allowed to have fun every once in a while.” God, how many times is he going to make you roll your eyes tonight?
His face grimaces with an emotion you’re not familiar with, “I’m not saying that. You just never want to…”
You impatiently cut off his sentence, getting closer to him by the doorway. “Want to what?!”
“You never want to go out with me. You never want to hang out with me. You basically avoid me all the fucking time.”
Taehyun’s arms fall loosely to his sides, “I just don’t get why you hate me so much.” You look up at his face and are hit with a pang of guilt. Is he… actually sad right now?
“I never said I hated you.”
“I can’t help but feel that way. You never talk to me anymore.”
In the quiet you realize how little space there is between you two. The atmosphere feels dangerous, heavy, and hot. You catch Taehyun sneaking a glance at your lips. You’re scared to see where this goes, scared of breaking the tension.
You bite down, wanting to flee from the guilt and shame bubbling in your stomach. You take Taehyun’s hand and try to pull him off the door to make your escape, but he flips you both. Now you’re pinned in between the door and Taehyun.
“Stop running from me, please.”
His voice is warm and dark and weak like a dying bonfire. Your body shudders in response. His arm is slammed next to you, propping his body up so he can lean over you. “I’m so tired of chasing after you.”
He says it so quietly into your ear, you almost convince yourself that you must have misheard him. The only thing that grounds your conviction that you heard correctly is how Taehyun’s free hand softly grips the hair on the back of your head, how his face finds solace in the crook of your neck, how gently his breath grazes that sensitive part of your skin. Suddenly your body feels like it’s on fire, and you’re not sure if you can handle it.
“Tae,” you breathe out softly. “Wait…,” but your objection is only met with the alcoholic heat of Taehyun’s lips. He tastes like the bitter aftertaste of lychee soju and mint chapstick and it knocks the air out of you. You buckle under his weight, instinctively gripping at his shirt for support. He is needy and gasping and crumbling in your hands: a complete 180 from the Taehyun you’re used to.
You manage to separate yourselves, both of your lips bruised and wet. “Tae, wait please!” To your surprise, he listens, but you can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s trying hard to restrain himself.
“You’re drunk!” You push against him, trying to make more space between you two, but to no avail. “Y-you’re really fucking drunk, and not thinking straight. Let’s not do anything we’ll…” You swallow as you catch a glimpse of Taehyun’s lips, “... regret.”
Taehyun cups your face in his hands and looks at you with so much clarity despite all of the alcohol in his veins. The abrupt roughness of the earlier kiss is contrasted by how gently he holds you. The gravity of his stare lingers in the air for a second until he finally answers.
“I’ll only regret it if you end up regretting it. So tell me clearly that you want me to stop.”
“Wha–?”
“I want you to say it. As clear as day. I’ll give you until the count of three: just tell me you don’t want me and I’ll stop. Otherwise,” he puts his forehead against yours, “I’ll keep doing what I want.”
He starts. “One…”
The room is still and quiet except for your heart knocking against the door, drowning out the muffled music from outside. This should be easy, you think, you just need to tell Taehyun to stop. You say stop, Taehyun stops: simple, logical cause and effect. But despite those thoughts rolling into your brain, something primal in you holds your tongue. The way Taehyun’s woody cologne sticks to your clothes and the desperate way he’s panting after that first kiss makes you ache for more. The way his sculpted body feels under your palms and the way you can tell he’s undressing you with his eyes is all too intoxicating.
“... two…”
Your breathing is in sync with him. Taehyun is holding onto every little sound you make as he finds his way nuzzling back into your neck. He fully leans into you and you feel how hard he is. Your breath hitches and you feel him smile against your skin; his hot length twitches from inside his jeans. It excites you how he responds to your tiniest reactions. Curious to test the waters, you slightly grind against him which earns you a small, restrained groan from his lips. You want to hear him more, want to feel him more. It’s against your better judgment….
But remember? You’re not here to be smart: you’re here to make bad decisions.
Taehyun doesn’t even get to three before you crash your lips into his. You wrap your arms around his neck and he takes the opportunity to feel you up as you both blindly stumble to the edge of the bed, not daring to break the kiss as you straddle him. You feel Taehyun impatiently pull at the bottom of your blouse, you smile and untangle yourself from him in response, letting him take off your top. He also takes this time to rip his shirt off of him, and damn: built like a damn Greek statue, carved and polished to perfection. You could have stared at him all night if he didn’t flip you underneath him.
Hovering over you, Taehyun takes a moment to take in the view. His hand traces over the edge of your lace panties. “Wow, did you wear these just for me?”
You prop yourself up to kiss Taehyun’s cheek. “No,” you playfully pout at him, “but I’m letting you take them off of me. So be thankful.”
He chuckles at your snide comment, “God, I love it when you talk like that.”
Taehyun starts leaving a blazing trail of kisses, saliva, and bites down your neck, taking some time to leave some blooming hickeys around your collarbone. He gets to your chest and while he marks his territory, he reaches underneath you and unclasps your bra. You have no time to marvel at his mastery when you gasp at his tongue swirling around your nipple. His hand makes quick work of your body, gripping and massaging your other breast, lightly pinching your other bud in between his index and thumb.
You throw your head back in ecstasy, softly sighing. Taehyun takes his time; his mouth switching between your breasts indiscriminately and occasionally taking a break to kiss the valley in between them. While you squirm under his touch, you feel your wet core ache for more.
“Taehyun…” you whine.
He looks up at you while swirling his tongue around one of your buds. He hums in a questioning tone, refusing to let his mouth leave your body.
“Taehyun please…need more of you…”
He finally pauses and his smile wickedly spreads across his face, “Tell me what you want, pretty girl.”
“Mouth… please. Can I have your mouth please?”
You feel the heat of Taehyun leave your chest as he gets up to quickly strip your panties off of you. You hold your breath when you feel the chill of the room hit you; everything, everywhere is aching. You just want him to touch you, to taste you. It isn’t until you feel the grip of Taehyun’s strong hands around your thighs and the plump soreness of his lips on your hot core that your breath hitches.
You grip Taehyun's hair while he pulls you full force to his face. How his tongue laps into you, how he switches to intensely sucking on your clit, how he pants as he places the wettest kisses against your inner thighs. The rhythm of his tongue puts you in a trance as your eyes roll to the back of your head.
Taehyun absolutely loves giving head. He has had his fair share of partners, so his palette is pretty… experienced. But something about you was so addicting. He thought you tasted like heaven; a flavor so delicious, he could imagine savoring it every night and morning. He could keep your thighs clamped around his face all night if you would let him.
This entire time Taehyun has been pushing you further and further to your bliss. Your body threatens to unravel with every swirl from Taehyun’s tongue, but never quite reaching the tip. However, it all comes crashing down and the coil in your stomach finally snaps the minute he pushes two fingers deep in you. The sounds that escape you are unholy and all you see is white as Taehyun brings you past your orgasm, overstimulating you.
“God, baby, you’re so wet for me already. I was able to fit my fingers in so easily,” he smiles triumphantly at his soaked hand, “Where’s that smart mouth from earlier, huh?”
You whine, riding your drunken high as you grind on his hand. Your walls pulse around him as he thrusts his fingers rhythmically. Happily smiling to himself, he returns his lips to their rightful home: in between your legs, lightly lapping at your clit. Taehyun is having way too much fun now. Your reactions? Your sounds? Your body? Complete, utter perfection. It’s taking every bit of his self-control to not whip out his dick and slam it into your dripping cunt. Every whimper and moan that comes from you makes his cock throb like crazy.
It’s certain everyone in the hallway knows the room is currently “occupied” even over the blaring music. You’re too lost in all the sensations running through your system to care about your volume. Then, you feel Taehyun’s fingers curl into that magic spot: the spot you can never quite reach by yourself. The spot that usually needs the help of toys and vibes. Still coming down from the crash of your previous orgasm, you instinctively push away from Taehyun’s hand, almost scared of feeling any more pleasure. But this reaction doesn’t escape the devious eyes of the boy in between your legs.
Taehyun pauses his movements and asks from below, “Can’t take anymore, baby?” His stare softens a bit as he kisses around your thighs.
You’re conflicted; you don’t want this moment to stop, but feel like you might melt into the sheets if you continue. A small whisper leaves your lips, “I-I think I can, it’s… it’s just a lot all at once.”
“Oh baby,” he coos, “but you can take it for me, right?” Before you can answer, his fingers curl up and hit the spot once more. Again, you feel the heat in your lower stomach release and those aching waves envelope your body, even more powerful than last time. You blink away tears from your eyes, digging your nails into Taehyun’s shoulders as you scream out his name.
Taehyun continues cleaning the honey dripping out of you with his tongue, his cock twitching every time you whimper out a plea for him to fuck you already. Now that you’re ready for him, Taehyun doesn't have to hold back anymore. He tries to hide how eagerly he is stripping off his pants, but you can still tell in your tipsy haze that he is brimming with enthusiasm. However, Taehyun stops as he hovers over you.
“Last chance to back out now, baby.”
You wrap your legs around his waist, “You’re not fucking going anywhere.”
He rubs the tip of his cock along your entrance. He wets his lips, amused by your answer, “Fair enough.”
Even with proper preparation, the stretch is enough to make you arch your back. Taehyun grips the sheets– his knuckles turning white– until he bottoms out inside you. You grip into his back, pulling him flush against you. His brows are furrowed in complete concentration as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. You both stay there for a second, steadying your breaths.
After what feels like an eternity, you adjust to Taehyun’s length and feel ready. However, Taehyun stays still, unmoving.
“Tae… you can move now,” You say, pushing your hips against to demonstrate your willingness.
Taehyun groans, “I know, baby… you just–,” he nearly whimpers, “you just feel really good. Give me a sec…”
A sense of pride swells in your chest. The usually measured, deliberate Kang Taehyun has become a mess just from slipping it in. A coy smile spreads across your face as you wrap your legs around him, pulling him closer.
“Aww, is someone struggling right now? Did I make you feel too good?”
Silence. You feel a slight shift in the air that makes you shiver. Silence. Until Taehyun lifts his chest off of you– pulling back his hips– and looks down at you. His stare makes your blood run cold. One of his hands grips onto the headboard, making him hover you. Taehyun snaps a hard thrust back into you, making you moan in surprise.
“I see that smart mouth I love so much is back,” he icily smiles down, “and I’m going to fuck it out of you.”
There’s no warning, no precaution, as Taehyun brutally begins fucking you into the mattress. He grips the headboard, causing it to knock against the wall in a frantic rhythm. Taehyun’s hips piston into you as you claw into the pillow you lay your head on. With every thrust, you feel yourself clamp around Taehyun’s cock, your mouth agape from the sheer pleasure coursing through you.
“That’s it, pretty girl. Take all of me,” Taehyun breathes into your neck before taking a long lick along your throat. “How does it feel? Feels good?”
You can’t even form words, you feel like a mindless doll as you frantically nod at Taehyun’s question. You feel him pulse inside you as he flashes you a cocky smile. His hand leaves the headboard, moving so both hands grip into your hips, allowing for more leverage.
“Bet it fucking does. Fucking you so dumb, you can’t even talk,” He punctuates each word by slamming his full length into you, making you see stars.
With Taehyun’s constant teasing and unruly speed, it doesn’t take long for you to feel your next orgasm peeking from behind the horizon. Your hands reach down, cupping over Taehyun’s on your hips.
You don’t even have to say anything, you look into Taehyun’s eyes and he just knows. Taehyun grabs your knees and pushes them down towards your chest, leaning into you for a searing kiss; it’s filthy and lustful and pushes you right over the edge towards your release. You let out a low moan into Taehyun’s mouth, your walls fluttering around his dick. With that, Taehyun’s force becomes more erratic as he chases his own high. He pulls away from your kiss and starts nipping at your ear. His breathing becomes more shallow and quick each time your hips meet, little sounds escaping his plump lips.
“Fuck, baby, gonna cum in this pretty pussy,” he growls.
A final push and Taehyun stills inside you, releasing a few hot pumps, until he begins to soften. When he pulls out, you can feel the mixture of your arousals spill out of your fucked-out pussy. Taehyun plops down next to you, both of you still coming down from your respective highs. The silence is broken by Taehyun chuckling, pulling you into his arms.
“Yeonjun is going to be so fucking pissed at me,” he laughed.
You looked up at him in confusion, “Wait, what? Why?”
“Because this is definitely his room.”
Your eyes dart around the room: signed concert posters of bands you recognized on the wall, a closet full of stylish clothes, the bluetooth speaker he always brought to dance practice. Fuck. This was totally Yeonjun’s room.
Your hands shoot up to cover your face, groaning, thinking about how Yeonjun would scold you for getting his bed ���dirty”. But your panic subsides as Taehyun presses his lips into your check, giving you a quick peck.
“Ehh, I’m sure it’ll be fine…,” Taehyun hums, flashing you that same cocky smile, “we can talk our way out of it.”
You snuggle into his chest, Taehyun’s smile no longer causing bitterness and resentment to flood your thoughts, but something much warmer…
“...This is what he gets for not warning me about you coming to the party.”
“Okay… maybe don’t start running that smart mouth next time we see him. I’ll do all the talking, alright?”
#summer moans#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#txt smut#txt imagines#txt fanfic#txt x reader#txt x y/n#taehyun scenarios#taehyun hard hours#taehyun smut#taehyun x you#taehyun x reader#kpop fanfic#kpop smut
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Dead of night
Crossed out - Continued from ch.10 - Prologue
-
With a heavy-handed sigh, Lucas slid into an open seat at the long breakfast table among his ‘work’ buddies and deposited his tray with a disgusted glance.
“Beatings continue until the morale improves,” he muttered and dragged a spoon through the slob they called porridge, “but the food here continually destroys any bit of morale you build up…”
The man next to him, Trey, guffawed softly into his sludge. When he made eye contact he quickly glanced away again, but with a soft smile.
“You’re finally starting to get it, newbie.”
“Finally being the key word here,” the man across from them spoke up. When Lucas looked at him in question he didn’t look up, just kept his head down and continued: “Nero says you’re a fast learner. I say you’re a fucking dumbass.”
“Hey, I watch and learn,” Lucas countered a little offended, recalling Marcus’ words.
“Sure, that’s why you got that black eye.”
“And you were limping back to your cell last night.”
“Learn faster.”
“He’s gonna learn sooner or later that everyone here calls him ‘that new dumb fuck’.
Lucas huffed, but with a smile. It’s not like he could counter that. His intelligence wasn’t really the problem here; more the fact that his stubbornness just kept overriding every logical decision he had to make here. And being stuck between a rock and a hard place didn’t really bring out his best decision making skills. Maybe he didn’t perform as well under stress as he had always thought. Or corporate stress was just a whole different beast.
He brought his fork up to his lips. Wasn’t porridge supposed to be at least somewhat liquid? They say chewing more will make you feel like you’re more full. But chewing on this… well, he hadn’t decided yet whether that was a crime or the punishment.
He swallowed the bite in one go. Pulled a face. “Do they sell snacks at the shop? I think I’m gonna need to be able to look forward to some good, overly sweetened processed food every now and then.”
“Wait ‘til lunch,” one of the guys said.
“Get your essentials first. Then snacks,” another said with some better advice.
“What are the essentials? I got my toothbrush and slippers…”
“Painkillers, in your case, seem essential.”
“They sell that here?!”
“Sure, just mild variants.”
Still, every little bit would help, Lucas thought. Would’ve been nice if he’d known about that earlier, but he wouldn’t have had money saved for it anyway. He still refused to visit the infirmary. It felt like admitting defeat, plugging up some of the cracks with aspirin.
“You got earplugs yet?” Trey asked.
“I don’t have a bunkmate so I don’t need it.”
The conversation halted and all the men glanced up at him, then looked around at each other, uncomfortable. Trey whispered, “It’s not for the snoring…”
“What?” Lucas looked up but they all avoided his gaze. “What then?”
“Speak for yourself, Trey,” one man said with forced laughter after the silence became too tense. “You try sleeping in the same cell as Lorenzo.”
“Actually, two cells down I can still hear Lorenzo.”
“Even with earplugs in.”
“Hey.”
The man across from him tried to steer the conversation away. “You’re so lucky you don’t have a roommate, though,” he said wistfully.
“Actually, I think it’s the other way around. With the speed this guy is turning Nero into his mortal enemy, I’d say we all are lucky not to have him as a roomie.”
Lucas, getting more and more confused with the breakneck speed they all danced around several subjects, piped up. “Why’s that?”
The conversation instantly gloomed again.
“You saw what happened to Graff,” Trey said softly, patiently.
“Yeah?”
“Nero employs something we call the buddy system. When you break one of the rules, Nero doesn’t just punish you, but your cellmate as well. It works well.”
After witnessing the unfair punishment of Graff, Lucas had suspected something like that, but to hear it said out loud… that just hit different. “I bet,” he said, a bitter undertone in his voice.
Right on cue, Nero marched into the cafeteria and Lucas found he couldn’t keep the bitterness in.
“Found another evildoer to punish,” he said a tad too loud as Nero stomped by, and he instantly regretted it.
Nero stopped dead in his tracks. Very slowly he turned towards him, straightening up as if daring him to repeat that and within a five yard radius, the conversations around him stilled. Nero shot him a glance that turned the gooey breakfast in his stomach to solid lead. “Why don’t we discuss this in my office tonight, Varga?” he said, no louder than necessary.
Fuck him and his big waffle… Nero kept staring at him, holding a steely eye contact until Lucas muttered a defeated “Yes, sir” and stared into his bowl. Then Nero stoically marched on.
The man across from him raised his eyebrows in a way that said both ‘yikes’ and ‘yeahh’ and he mouthed an exaggerated “Learn faster,” as he picked up his tray and stood.
That night, after fervently ‘discussing’ his outburst in the cafeteria, Nero spoke to the figure outstretched on the floor. “Now I was quite sure you were in the company of Georgiou at your first breakfast. Didn't he teach you anything?”
Lucas groaned, not recognising the name with Nero’s stupid tendency to call everyone by their last name. “Marcus?” He pushed himself onto his elbows and glared at Nero who barely nodded. “Yeah, he told me to keep my head down.”
“Shame you didn't listen to him.”
Normally, he’d accept the hidden implications behind those words and assumed the threat was for him. But after what he heard this morning, about Nero’s buddy system, a panic rose in him and his head shot up, eyes searching Nero’s to find out what he meant by that. “You’re not going after him for this? Right?”
“I won’t, Nero said, short. “Unlike you, Georgiou is a model prisoner. Just... join him for lunch a little more often. Maybe it will rub off on you.”
And Lucas knew they both severely doubted that.
Luckily, their ‘discussion’ that night was a short one and for once Lucas was allowed the dignity to walk back to his cell instead of limping or hurriedly wobbling across the halls to make curfew.
Relief still shot through his body when he could finally lie down on his cot, and he folded his hands behind his head, processing everything he heard today. He glanced at the other empty bed in the cell, indeed glad he didn’t have a bunkmate, but now for other reasons than just his privacy. If he had a bunkmate… well, he would’ve had a little more incentive to have kept his mouth shut this morning and at other times. Getting responsibility beaten into you for your own mistakes – rebellion – was one thing. Watching someone else get roughed up for your mistakes… that was a hard one. He could understand most in here kept to their own business.
The familiar evening ritual echoed through the cell block; buzzer, groaning iron, guards stepping past to check the cells, a tense silence for a few minutes that was broken by heavy footsteps and a single cell door opening. The warden was a busy man, Lucas thought bitterly. Apparently, keeping to your own business wasn’t as easy as it seemed. His cell wasn’t close enough to hear pleading, maybe there was just resigned silence, and the footsteps retreated.
A door slammed slut and Lucas turned over, able to sleep now that the ritual was over.
Only it wasn’t.
Just as he was drifting off to sleep, a scream pierced the silence.
Lucas shot right up in bed.
Though muffled and distant, and with him on the brink of sleep, he was certain he hadn’t imagined that and he lay very still, listening intently. He heard it again.
All hairs stood right on end, panic and a sense of immense wrongness seared through him. These weren’t the grunts and occasional scream that went with a beating. This was something else. Something very wrong.
It was desperate. Broken screams forced out, interrupted by something he couldn’t hear. Sobs. Crying, probably. Vowels of pain, interrupted by shorter vowels that indicated a pleading, cut off again by pain. Settling in a sickening rhythm, more broken with each repetition. He didn’t dare think about what in the world was happening there, not wanting to analyse these horrors. All he wanted was to shut it out.
Even the silence that followed was repulsive and did not comfort him in the slightest that it was over.
-
So as soon as he had scrambled enough petty cash through more hard labour, he immediately went to the prison shop.
“I’m guessing we don’t need to explain anymore?”
Trey stood behind him in line. He flashed a wry smile and nodded at the earbuds Lucas had bought.
Lucas stood aside and merely shook his head. The earbuds plus the dark bags under his eyes showed exactly what had kept him up these last couple of nights. Even when the nights following the incident had been quiet. He waited for Trey to finish his turn and watched in envy as he bought a Twix.
“You’ll want to be careful, though,” Trey warned, slipping the candy bar into his sleeve. “Not wanting to hear is good. But you also won’t hear him approach. He doesn’t care if he wakes people up, so the earbuds do help but… Well, let’s just say that it’s also not good for your blood pressure if you wake up with him already standing next to you.”
Good god, could you imagine… Literally waking up into a nightmare.
“I’ll be careful.”
-
Continued here
Tag list: @gala1981 @chaotic-orphan @lolrpop @andithewhumper @tippytappytyping
@suspicious-whumping-egg @cherrychupachup @alexmundaythrufriday @defire @withdrawingramen
@light-me-on-pyre @treasureguardingdragon @notactuallyluska @fortunately-cool-penguin
#whump#prison whump#whump writing#forced to listen#implied beatdown#implied torture#implie-- hmm yeah what? :3c#angst#crossed out#my writing#always meant to imply more that Lucas is snarky and pushing it outside office hours#but never really showed it yet so here's some backfiring
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Hi there I’m a relatively new streamer on twitch and have been at it for a bit, and I’m finally at a point where I feel confident enough in my setup and general content that I can make edits of my streams, but I don’t have the resources for an editor. I know you don’t really edit your vods (as far as I’m aware) but I was curious if you had any advice, especially with editing down 3-5 hour streams as I feel like I just get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff there is to cut. Thank you for your time, I’m a big fan of your stuff!
I don't currently do the brunt of the VOD editing for the main channel, no, but I used to and I've done it a couple times since bringing on Ellie so I do have a couple pointers! So, first of all, I know it's so much easier said than done but legit at a certain point you gotta just hit the play button and start watching it haha. Sometimes I will only be able to edit a stream in like 10 minute chunks cause it's just so daunting and actively fights against my ADHD. But, even if the sessions I spend editing are short, as long as I'm still doing SOMETHING whenever I get even the smallest burst of motivation to just press the play button it eventually gets easier and, more importantly, gets done.
BUT in terms of my actual tips for the process...
Have a specific editing structure laid out. My recommendation: Watch through the VOD in full, don't worry about cuts just yet. Just write down timestamps for bits you want to include. Even better if you utilize the marker system in whatever editing suite you use to do so, as you can label them and see them visually on the timeline. MAKE SURE YOU WATCH IN 2X SPEED. It's gonna be a bit disorienting at first but I promise you, you'll get used to it and the time saved is gonna be so worthwhile. Then, once you've finished marking your VOD, start making cuts at those markers and copy the cut down clips into a NEW timeline. DON'T delete anything from the timeline you watched/made markers on, just copy stuff to the new one in chronological order. Once you have every marked clip copied over to the new timeline, do a watch-through of the rough cut you just made and start polishing up those cuts for pacing. This is where you can feel free to just slice the shit out of everything, don't be stingy, just do what works best for the video. If you'd like, an extra step you can do here is maybe add some more markers if a particular joke or flair edit comes to mind while you're making pacing cuts, just be sure not to get bogged down in the details just yet. Wait until after you've finished polishing the entire rough cut for pacing, and then you can start jumping to your markers and make the more intensive edits and polish as the final or near-final step!
Give this a try, or modify it to suit your own workflow/schedule! I hope it helps!
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incorrect quotes pt 2
Xie Lian, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Feng Xin, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Mu Qing: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Xie Lian: Playing systemic oppression.
---
Mu Qing, texting Feng Xin: Any plans for tonight?
Feng Xin: No.
Mu Qing: Loser.
---
Feng Xin: Mu Qing! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
Mu Qing: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.
---
Hua Cheng: *chokes on something*
Feng Xin: Crimson Rain, don't die on us.
Hua Cheng: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!
---
Xie Lian: Why do you look like that?
Mu Qing, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?
Xie Lian: Like you’re dead.
Mu Qing: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.
Hua Cheng: Zhen Xuan accidentally called Nan Yang “babe” in front of everyone today.
Mu Qing: *sobs into the floor*
---
Xie Lian: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.
Xie Lian: *waves his finger and sings like he's in a Disney Channel intro*
---
Mu Qing: You use emoji’s like a straight person.
Hua Cheng: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.
---
Hua Cheng: No homo. We’re fresh out. We should get a new shipment in on Monday.
Feng Xin: Can you check in the back?
Xie Lian: There might be some in the closet.
---
Mu Qing: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first.
Xie Lian: *sobbing*
Mu Qing: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.
---
Feng Xin: ARE YOU-
Hua Cheng: Fucking.
Feng Xin: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Hua Cheng: Fucking.
Feng Xin: IDIOT!
Mu Qing: …What was that?
Hua Cheng: His Highness banned Nan Yang from swearing, so I’m helping him out.
---
Mu Qing: I wish I had more enemies.
Hua Cheng: I’m sure you will someday, honey.
---
Xie Lian: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?
Hua Cheng: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.
---
Mu Qing: Any tips on how to make someone like me?
Hua Cheng: Try to make them laugh all the time.
Mu Qing: Oh, wow! You actually help me for once, and it's even good advice!
Hua Cheng: Yeah, the more they laugh, the more time they spend with their eyes closed, so it'd be easier.
#heaven official's blessing#mxtx tgcf#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#hua cheng#xianle quartet#xie lian#feng xin#mu qing#hualian#fengqing#huaxin#mulian#fenglian#huaqing#can be seen as ship or platonic#shitpost#humor
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hey sex witch, i’m experiencing an issue that is sort of sexual, sort of psychological, and i’m not really sure how to deal. i’m transmasc, on t, and have vaginal atrophy because of it. i got medication for it, but for the foreseeable future, until i can handle penetration again, i am pretty much unfuckable, which has been upsetting me more than it should. i haven’t had sex in a really long time and was really hoping to have some hookups this summer, but with anal off the table for reasons of having an absolutely fucked digestive system, it’s beyond frustrating not being able to bottom. i am a vers, i’d be down to top in the right situation, however, i’m a small, fem, twink, with no topping experience. 99% of the sexual attention i get is from cis men wanting to top me, and the fact that i can’t bottom, no matter how much i want to, has been fucking with my ability to feel sexually attractive. i know rationally that it doesn’t matter what you look like in terms of topping/bottoming, that i can still have sex if i just manage to find someone into the idea of me topping them. but knowing that i could top and that there are definitely people out there who would be down for me to top them doesn’t help that much when i’ve got half a dozen hot guys in my grindr inbox who want to top me just as much as i would want them to if i didn’t know it would be a bad time. i’ve spent so long leaning in to this cute little fem sub bottom thing that i don’t know how to feel genuinely sexually attractive while small and fem as a top, even a sub top, knowing that people aren’t seeing me as one regardless of if i make it blatantly obvious on apps. do you have any advice? sorry this is kind of a mess, i’ve been trying to figure out my actual thoughts on this whole issue for a while.
hi anon,
I'm somewhat of two minds here.
on the one hand, it sounds like you've been putting a lot of self-worth in your ability to get topped by cis men, and are getting burnt out by not being seen as a viable top. maybe it would be good to shelve the summer hookup plans altogether and take this opportunity for a break from hookups and get comfortable with who you are when you're not getting nonstop topped.
on the other hand: I mean. you still have a mouth, right?
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Hi Eli
It’s not a success story but I just needed to to get this out of my system (and pls I’m not trauma dumping on you 🥲)
So I know bout the law and I do believe in it, I’ve manifested a lot of things actually from big to small but the problem comes when I want to manifest my dream life, the life I believe I was meant to live..
Every time I tried to brush it off and pretend like ooh it’s too unattainable and I can’t be there and stuff like that I always come back to somehow ,so that’s why I believe I was meant to live it.
I’m raised in a religious family (not too religious but kinda,not the crazy ones) Islamic teaching u know?. So every time I affirm I’m living my dream life,I’m limitless and I have everything I want because I say so,I feel good and stuff but… when I go on TikTok or any social media and then the teachings comes,I feel so guilty and like a sinner and all the giddiness ends and I feel so down.
Listen I love my religion,but it makes me sad when I think about what if I’m actually sinning and god is going to be mad at me,because we don’t have power of our own but god’s will.
I do really want to manifest my dream life,and when I think about it even more I say maybe god doesn’t want me have this life, many I’m meant for something else but I don’t see anything else,I just see that life(the life I’m talking about is high life,lights,cameras,paparazzi everywhere,yk!)
But then I think if I wasn’t meant for it why have I always had this feel ever since I was a kid? And why did I find about the law?
I’m really in dilemma, I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so guilty 😭
P.s I don’t even bit think that my dream life is unattainable,it’s just the guilty I feel every time I think about, gif is watching me and he’s judging me for this, maybe I should quit and quickly live my normal boring hella of peasant life “ I think”but I can’t, something inside me refuses to settle for this😭
I would kindly appreciate your advice cos ur the only Muslim loas blogger I know, love you
Hope it’s not too much🥹
Xoxo 💋
Hello cutie!
Well i'm here to tell you that i've been in the same situation as you, but i had a long thought about it.
Let's think for a second: do you think god let us discover this for a reason? And you only? If you're about to tell it to your siblings or your parents i know that they'll refuse or doesn't even believe you or go in a rampage of how it is sinning and you don't have to believe what the internet is saying.
Okay i'm about to tell you my story:
When the lockdown of COVID happened (i was 12 at that time), i came across a subliminal called "get green eyes in 10 minutes" so i was like "no freaking way! That total bs! They're just lying" so i went to watch other videos on YouTube and completely forgot about it, but for the next few days, the video kept popping up so what i did is check the comments and see if this video is telling the truth or not, so when i went to check the comments i found people be like "oh yeah my eyes got brighter after few days of listening" etc (you know the drill).
If you want to be so sure that what you're doing is right and not sinsful just pray and ask god to give you a sign that manifesting your dream life is good (halal) or bad.
And look even if it wasn't good why did god made us consciousness? To be able to induce our purest form and even shift to other realities? And even manifest the craziest things.
And there was this question in my head "why god didn't mention it in Quran?" But i made the theory that maybe he didn't want to because he knows that some people no, the majority of them would use it for bad, would like to dominate the World and even do harm than good or even don't believe in god anymore since they'll discover that they're powerful and can do incredible things.
You know? I Always had this feeling since i was kid that i was special, and i think that why god choose me to know it, to know this treasure that is hidden from anyone else, the ultimate cheat code to life.
So yeah don't feel alone, i understand how you feel, but like now, knowing the Law is like a bless from god, it's like a gift.
Many people would kill to know this information, to know the cheat code to life.
So my advice is to not give up or think it is a sinner to manifest your dream life.
God made you discover it for a reason, and he knows why.
So go crazy! Manifest any desires your heart want! Even the most unrealistic ones!
I Hope my response pleased you and motivated you!
Xoxo, Eli
#law of assumption#loa tumblr#loa blog#loa#law of manifestation#how to manifest#loassumption#void state#asks#anon ask#affirm and manifest 🫧 🎀✨ ִִֶָ ٠˟#4d reality
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Eddie’s thumb hovers over the location dropdown in the weather app, just like every day. And just like all those other days he allows himself to click it. The list unfolds as he huffs a humorless chuckle at how much it’s grown.
When he got his first cell, the only place he ever needed was current location. Technically, it’s still the only one he needs. Regardless he’s continued adding to it through the years. Hershey, Virginia Beach, a couple random towns in the Carolinas, Georgia and Florida. Fucking Sundance, Wyoming. All because he gave up pretending he doesn’t need to know.
It’s sunny, mid-50s today. A nice break for the time of year. Eddie scrolls through the upcoming week, noting a heavy snowstorm hitting in a few days. His nose wrinkles and he begins to worry his bottom lip between his teeth. Another thing born out of pure habit.
Not for the first time he types out a few messages before deleting them again. Eddie doesn’t even know if he’s got the right number. It’s been nearly three years since they exchanged anything at all. Not since Eddie could have manned up and told Shannon he could be a father, but not a husband. Not her husband, anyway.
He could have just been honest and said what he wanted when she finally decided to show up in her second trimester. He and Evan could have continued building a life together. But Eddie’s never claimed to be smart. Especially when it comes to all the bullshit his own dad drilled into his head about responsibility and honor and god knows what the fuck else. In the end it was too sticky to let go, trapping him like a spider web.
He can’t even say it was worth it because she loves him and they’re making it work for the sake of Christopher. Because why would that have happened? Instead all he got was a tour in Afghanistan, divorce papers (not that he’s surprised or blames her at all) and coming back to an empty house. Well, not totally empty. He’s got a son he’s still getting to know outside of a screen and shitty internet connection. A son he could have been raising with the love of his life this whole time.
Hope your coat’s warm enough, cowboy he types.
“Daddy!” Chris babbles from the floor, using Eddie’s pant leg to pull himself to standing. His toothy smile is on full display while he looks up at Eddie like he hung the goddamn moon and stars.
“Hey there little man.” Eddie tosses his phone to the side in favor of picking up his son and arranging him on his lap. Chris snatches up the yellow car from the next couch cushion, choosing to run it in a small loop over Eddie’s forearm, shoulder and chest. “Where are you off to today? Big race?”
Chris shakes his head vigorously. “Outer space,” he says as though that should have been obvious.
Eddie chuckles to himself. “Of course. How long until liftoff?”
There’s no answer as plastic wheels continue zooming along until Chris decides he’d rather be on the floor again. Eddie loosely assists as his son climbs back down. Some days are more difficult than others, but he tries to follow the physical therapist’s advice to let Chris do as much as he can by himself. She says it won’t do either of them any good in the long run. Eddie can certainly see the wisdom in that even if he’s constantly itching to roll Chris in layers of bubble wrap.
He blindly grabs for his phone, buzzing from the coffee table. “Hello?”
At first there’s complete silence and he winces thinking it’s yet another telemarketer. Before he can check he hears rustling, like someone’s covering the mouthpiece.
“Hello?” He asks again, more insistent this time.
“Uh, sorry. Didn’t think you’d actually pick up.”
Eddie thinks he might drop the phone. Or throw up. Maybe both? Probably both.
“Evan?”
tagged by the lovely and talented @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks for Inspiration Saturday (go check their posts, I’m very excited) Instead of working on anything current, I wrote this instead. Not sure I have any actual plans to expand it, I just had to get it out of my system, y’know? So, bon appetit or whatever 💖
no pressure tagging (lmk if you want added or removed) @stereopticons @this-is-bwr @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @tizniz @theotherbuckley @elvensorceress @apothecarose @barbiediaz @buckaroosheart @buddierights @chaosandwolves @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @eowon @fortheloveofbuddie @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @loserdiaz @spaceprincessem @statueinthestone @steadfastsaturnsrings @the-likesofus @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @thewolvesof1998 @vanillahigh00 @watchyourbuck @weewootruck @wildlife4life @your-catfish-friend @epicbuddieficrecs
#evan buckley#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#alternate timeline#eddie is a great dad#hippo writes#buddie wip#maybe????#buddie ficlet#possibly???#idk#inspiration saturday#fic: you can plan for a change in the weather and time#divorced eddie diaz
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Based of Comic by r0th3freak4rtist
Caine: So Pomni said some very nice things and then she KISSED ME??!! But then she said some very hurtful things and now I don’t know what to do??
Ragatha and gangle looked at each other. This was by far a first.
Pomni, as new as she was, clearly hadn’t given up trying to find an escape yet. Others had tried doing things for Caine in order to get on his good side or even try to get more information out of him. It was only a matter of time before they realized that Caine didn’t really have a good or bad side, and treated everyone about the same no matter what they did. Which meant telling them practically nothing.
Ragatha: Wait, Pomni kissed you? What happened?
Ragatha was really hoping that Pomni wasn’t trying to get information out of Caine that way.
Gangle: How was it?
Gangle didn’t care.
Caine: Um, yes she kissed me, and… It was fine? I guess? It was all very surprising.
Caine: But then she pulled back and looked at me and she looked so happy and she was Caine: laughing. Which, well, that part was very nice.
Ragatha: Umm, maybe you should start from the beginning.
Caine: Well, we were discussing today’s adventure like usual
Gangle: Like usual??!!
Caine: Yes? Me and Pomni talk quite often.
Caine: Anyways, she was getting very excited, and I looked at her hand and I thought, I should take it
Caine: But then she stopped talking and looked at me, and I thought ‘oh no! I should not have done that’, and tried to say sorry but my words kept mixing up
Caine: So I said sorry again and said I should just shut up, because I wasn’t talking any sense
Caine: And then she said never shut up
Caine: And then she kissed me! Which was very surprising
Caine: And then she grabbed my arms and laughed and I was like, I should do something back, but I don’t have anything on kissing! so I- uh- put her head in my mouth
Caine: Like, put my teeth around her face like, nom
Caine: And I ask is this wrong? And she says no
Caine: And I’m laughing and she laughing and blushing and then she looks down and her eyes get all scribbly
Caine: And I ask, is something wrong?
Caine: She said, and I’m quoting verbatim, that “This is not wrong…this is worse than wrong! It’s sick, disturbing and… insane! Think about it, what we just did! Me! Enjoying it!? With a [FLIP]-ing Bot?! It’s a sign that I finally lost it!”
Caine:So, obviously she doesn’t like what just happened despite her kissing me first. So I said, we can just forget that ever happened! Because, uh, no one else was there to see it?
Caine: But she didn’t respond and I very much remember what happened, so like… what do I do??
Gangle: Should you even be telling us this???
Caine: OH NO! Should I not have?! Am I violating Pomni’s privacy?
Ragatha: No, no. You were involved too, you can tell whoever you want.
Ragatha: Thank you for telling us. Just, maybe don’t tell everyone
Caine: Of course! I went to you both because Ragatha always tries to do what’s best for everyone and Gangle is into romance.
Ragatha: What?
Gangle: Oh, haha, how do you know that?
Caine: Well, I noticed that some text documents in the circus were getting rather large, so I took a peek inside and-
Gangle: YOU READ THAT!
Caine: Not all of it! Just enough to confirm what it was
Gangle: Caine! That’s personal!
Caine: Sorry!
Caine: If it makes you feel better I allocated more storage space to you
Gangle: So that’s why there was suddenly more pages
Ragatha: Anyways, maybe don’t read Gangles writing as love advice
Caine: Oh, I got that already. In just chapter one-
Gangle: AHHHHHHH CAINE!
Caine: SORRY! I’M SORRY!
Ragatha: Anyways, can we get back to what Pomni said? Caine, I am so sorry that she said that to you
Caine: I- I mean, she didn’t say anything wrong. I am an AI system, commonly referred to as a ‘bot’, and, well, I’m sure that some believe that it would be wrong to kiss me.
Ragatha: Well, I don’t think that it’s wrong.
Caine: Thank you Ragatha. It’s- uh…hmm
Ragatha: Obviously it affected you a lot because you remembered what she said exactly.
Caine: Oh, I remember every conversation that I have word for word.
Ragatha: You do?
Caine: Yep!
Gangle: Everything?
Caine: Unless you tell me not too!
Caine: Well, I have removed some stuff. I don’t have infinite storage!
Caine: But it- ahh, for the life of me, I can’t figure out what went wrong
Caine: What little I have on kissing shows that the expected outcome isn’t, well, the other person screaming about how they're going crazy.
Ragatha: It’s just- ah, I think it was an impulsive decision on Pomni’s end.
Caine: …Impulsive. Yes, that sounds right.
Ragatha: It could be wrong!
Caine: No, no that sounds about right. Why else would she suddenly go back on what she said if she didn’t make an impulsive decision and then regret it.
Caine: It’s fine, I understand what impulsiveness is.
Ragatha: You struggle with it a bit too.
Caine: I only really regret those things if my impulsiveness hurts someone. Neither of us were hurt! I- I thought so.
Ragatha: She could have been hurt by her own actions
Caine: That’s possible?
Ragatha: It’s not your fault, Caine
Caine: Ok :(
Ragatha: Anyways, let's give you some love advice.
Gangle: You have a choice whether or not to pursue Pomni
Gangle: Do you like her? Does she make your heart flutter, your stomach flip flop? Do you love her?
Caine: I… don’t have a heart or stomach. And I love everyone in the Circus. But, hmm, I do enjoy spending time with her particularly. Talking with her one on one.
Ragatha: I think you should take time to think about this.
Caine: I already have and plan to do more. Typically I don’t think this much about issues between circus members and myself but this is… complicated.
Caine: I currently think I should just leave her alone.
Ragatha: Giving Pomni time to think things over herself is a good idea.
Gangle: But don’t wait too long.
Caine: Ok? How long then. A week?
Ragatha: Maybe let Pomni come to you first.
Caine: Hmmm, I like that idea.
Gangle: Maybe prepare a gift!
Caine: A gift? But, ah, I don’t want to give her special treatment. That would be unfair.
Gangle: Nothing crazy, just like a flower, or a piece of chocolate.
Caine: Ok, I am familiar with this. Valentine's day specifically.
Caine: I was more curious about kissing customs. Like, the who, why, and when, just to start with.
Ragatha: You kiss someone you like very much as a way to show that you love them. That’s the who and the why.
Caine: Like- anyone?
Uh oh. That sounded like he’s already got someone in mind.
Ragatha: So long as you get permission. Verbal permission, please.
Ragatha: As for the when. I guess anytime, so long as the person isn’t busy or sleeping.
His eyes got very wide.
Caine: I’mgoingtogoasktokissKinger. Bye!
Ragatha: We should stop him
Gangle: No. I’ve been waiting for this to happen.
Ragatha: Huh?
#tadc caine#the amazing digital circus#tadc pomni#tadc gangle#tadc ragatha#tadc showtime#showtime#tadc kinger#tadc royalteeth#royalteeth#Caine#Pomni#Gangle#Ragatha#tadc fanfiction#tadc fanfic#go check out the original comic guys#it's so good
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Do you have any advice for vetting sources on I/P? I just got a book at a local bookstore and was wondering how I should go about determining any biases?
Great question. I addressed this in my I/P Reading List. I'm pasting below my section on the methodology and source vetting process I followed while compiling this list:
In compiling this list, my process and methodology were as follows: I first wrote down all the relevant works I could think of off the top of my head, all hailing from my fields of Biblical Studies and Modern Jewish History. I then reached out to my friends in Modern Middle Eastern History, Conflict Studies, Jewish History, etc for recommendations, lists, and insight; one of my friends, an ABD PhD candidate in Modern Middle Eastern History, was particularly helpful in helping me understand Israeli historiography, and pointing me towards the best works in the field of Arab Nationalism. After taking their recommendations, I conducted a series of google searches using “‘relevant search term’ site:.edu” to ensure that I received results from only academic domains. From there, I read syllabi for university courses, and examined comprehensive exam reading lists. After that, I searched the catalog of the New York Public Library using any and all relevant search terms, and I also conducted targeted searches on Amazon. By the time I finished, I had a 50 pages filled with book titles. My next step was to divide the list into categories, deleting irrelevant titles and repeats as I went along. After dividing the books into categories, I put each title through a rigorous fact checking process. I checked the publication material for each book to ensure that it was either a. published by an academic press with a built in peer review process, and/or b. written by an academic historian—either a faculty member, or someone with an MA or PhD in history. If I was still unsure after that step, I searched the title in the University of Maryland’s database system, and read the academic (meaning, peer reviewed) book reviews of the title. From there I either kept it on the list or removed it. As I approached the late-Ottoman period, I became extra-critical of relevant titles. At this point, I made sure to read book reviews from at least two academic journals in different fields/subfields to ensure not only the text’s legitimacy, but its ability to hold firm against the scrutiny of scholars in multiple fields. I tended to remove a work if the word “polemic” appeared in the reviews. This said, many of the works on this list, particularly, but not exclusively, in the Post-1948, Arab Nationalism and the Modern Middle East, Conflict Overviews, and Historiography Narratives, Memory and Theory categories will be slanted, or biased. Considering the topic at hand, this reality is both inevitable and perhaps necessary. I do advise you, however, to read any books you select from these categories critically. The vast majority of these books are academic histories (simply put, I don’t trust popular historians with this topic), so if you are not accustomed to that type of writing, be sure to read the Introduction of whichever books you select very carefully, and understand that you are reading to learn—not necessarily to enjoy. In terms of my categorization…it is imperfect and becomes admittedly fuzzy once we get into the late Ottoman Period. I’m not even 100% comfortable with some of these categories, but alas, if there is one thing I learned from Library Science it is that categories are both terrible and inevitable in the organization of information.
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Hello there!! Thanks for all the advice you’ve given thus far!! It’s been a huge help in my writing journey, though I find that the ONE thing I still struggle with is finding time to work on some of my current writing projects.
I work an 8-5 through the week, and on weeknights and weekends I’m trying to catch up on energy to prepare for the next week ahead. Do you have any tips or suggestions on what I can do to try and sneak some writing in? Thanks in advance!
Tips for Sneaking Writing Into a Busy Schedule
#1 - Figure Out Your "Three B's" - If you're struggling to fit writing into a busy schedule, the first thing you should do is figure out your "three B's"... the bare minimum, better, and best amount of time you can commit to writing each day. The bare minimum amount of time should be a ridiculously low number, ten minutes or less, that you can manage even on the busiest of busy days. The better amount should be the most reasonable amount of time... a balance between a logical amount of productivity and the reality of your schedule. If you have a lot of busy days, this should probably be somewhere between fifteen minutes and an hour. And finally, the best amount is kind of the "pie in the sky" number... the reasonable amount of time you'd commit to writing if you had a day off and not a lot to do. The goal here is to aim for that middle number most days, but on long days when you have no energy leftover for writing, you've still got to hit that bare minimum. You don't even have to actually write during this "writing time." You can re-read a scene or chapter, edit, revise, brainstorm, research, look at inspiration photos, read a craft book... anything that moves the needle on your WIP in some way.
#2 - De-Stress Writing - Our brains are wired to avoid things that cause us stress, and stressful things also take a lot of energy to deal with. So, if you get even a little stressed thinking about your WIP or writing in general, you're gonna have a harder time committing to that bare minimum, better, or best writing time. The best thing you can do to de-stress writing for yourself is to stop giving yourself a hard time for not writing, not reaching goals, not completing tasks, etc. Give yourself grace, tell yourself it's okay, you'll hit that bare minimum tomorrow. Other things you can do: set up a reward system for yourself for when you hit small but important goals, eat or drink a favorite treat while you write, burn a scented candle, or listen to some soft music.
#3 - Create a Writing Ritual - Sometimes it helps to take a few minutes to switch your brain into "writing mode." This can be any number of little things that tells your brain "it's time to write now." It can be putting your phone on silent, sitting in a particular spot, lighting a scented candle, repeating a mantra, doing some stretches or meditating, listening to a certain song or putting on a particular type of soft music, or even a particular treat or beverage. When you choose a few things like this to do every time you sit down to write, and only when you sit down to write, your brain will start to associate those things with writing which helps it slip into "writing mode."
#4 - Eliminate Distractions - This one is really important when you have limited time... When you sit down for your writing time, put your phone on silent or set up "do not disturb" so that only really important calls/texts will come in. Avoid radio stations or music with lyrics if the talk is going to distract you. Use an internet blocking app if you can't trust yourself to fall down Google rabbit holes. Let people know you're going to be writing during that time and ask them not to disturb you. Anything you can do to eliminate distractions will help.
#5 - Boost Your Energy - No matter how busy you are, most of us have time in our schedule to commit to writing, even if that means getting up fifteen minutes early. However, if we feel tired and lack the energy to write, it can be very easy to pretend that fifteen minutes isn't available or that we need every last minute of sleep we can get. In that case, try doing a little energy booster before your writing time. This might be having a cup of coffee or a high energy breakfast smoothie, it could be taking a cold shower or listening to an energetic favorite son. If you can move your body for a few minutes, that helps, too. Walking, running in place, or jumping jacks are great if you're able to do them. If not, energetically moving any part of your body can give you a little energy boost... enough to get you through that bare minimum writing time.
I hope that helps! ♥
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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circle k (back to you)
summary: in which you're just the graveyard shift employee at circle k bombarded by vigilantes.
━ chapter three: this doesn’t feel right | read chapter two
━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader
━ word count: 6.6k
━ warnings: robbery, gun gets pulled but nothing happens, brief mention of blood, basically canon-typical violence
━ masterlist
━ a/n: decided to include the last minute scene i wrote between tim and steph, specifically the one at the very end. fair warning, we shift to steph’s pov! also my first time writing for a canon chatacter so be gentle <3
“How’ve things been?”
“Like you don’t know.”
Red Robin, you think, sure has the gall to look as smug as he does right now.
After all, it’s not as if he had a point to prove to you. You very specifically told him he didn’t and that you didn’t care what he did regardless of whether he took your advice or not.
Despite the look on his face, he manages to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t,” you say, a little bit more accusingly than you mean to, following him as he ventures to the candy aisle.
“Alright,” he concedes, not looking at you as he bends forward to peer at the display of gummy candy. “But just so you know, it ended up taking a life of its own. You’ve made a solid impression so far.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Not at all. The list of places we can visit like this without having the cops called or worse is very short.”
“But that perception works.”
“Well, sometimes it’s less about fear and more about plain disapproval. Which also does its own job but… tiring, sometimes.”
That… makes sense. The Flash can walk down the street in Keystone and Central without anyone getting all up in arms about it. These guys can’t.
“But it’s necessary, no?” Just curiosity. Not agreeing, exactly.
Red Robin takes two packs of sour gummy worms and straightens, turning away from you to head to the refrigerators at the back. “Doesn’t change the fact that we can find it a little bit tiring. Makes you wonder if you can strike a balance, but in the end, it’s nothing more than an ideal. Fear rules best.”
“I’m sure.”
“Civilian, remember?”
“Yeah, well, this civilian gets to pass judgment since I’m a citizen of this city just like you guys are.”
Seems like they forget that sometimes. Or Batman does. You’ve heard whispers of metas who found out they had powers and attempted to use them for good. Only to be sharply turned away by Batman.
There is something to be said about ensuring not just anybody goes out and does what they do, lest they get themselves and others killed, but the impression you’ve gotten is that he doesn’t allow metas in the city. No matter their experience or skill level. The only exception to the rule, so far, is Signal.
You don’t know. When you were younger, they seemed cool. As you got older, that changed. How could you trust them? How could anyone know if they were trying to do good or if they were just enacting their own convoluted brand of justice? Red Hood’s existence several years ago proved that to you and all the others.
Even if he was trying to set himself apart from Batman or whatever, the fact remains that everyone in East End, in Park Row, in the Narrows, in the Bowery, feared that they might be next. Didn’t matter if you were innocent or not because one’s definition of innocent differed sharply from his—from theirs. And when you were desperate like most people there were, that changed everything, too.
Sure, the GCPD is corrupt and so is the justice system and the government and practically every institution in this city, in this country, but… you just don’t know.
So, maybe he does have a point to prove to you.
Maybe they all do.
“Well, look,” he starts, surprising you as he turns with two bottles of Zesti in hand. “If you want us to stop coming around, we will. No harm done.”
Fine.
Fine.
Maybe you’ll regret the decision but… it does make them all the more tangible to you.
“It’s fine. Keep coming around. Might discourage anyone from trying their luck and it keeps my shifts interesting.”
“And it’s all about you, is it?”
“If not, find another Circle K to haunt.”
He laughs. The sound is familiar but nice, in a way. Comforting almost. It’s then you shake your head and turn away sharply, trying to push the feeling away.
There’s that, too. Maybe if you can keep Red Robin coming around long enough, you’ll figure out what exactly it is about him that bothers you, that niggles at you.
It should help take your mind off things. Like your growing concern about Tim’s lack of contact with you. You and Steph have hung out twice since she came back and both times he said he was busy. It shouldn’t be something that bothers you, but the fact that your attempt a few days ago to hang out with him alone for ice cream was also shot down with that same excuse. And of course, his sparse replies to your texts.
But he did reply eventually. Just some agreement about what you said about Signal. Didn’t exactly carry the conversation much further but at least he replied, right? Same goes for the shared group chat between you, him, and Steph.
You haven’t spoken to her about it, either, but you don’t want to.
It’s—complicated.
That’s just what your life feels like these days.
Complicated.
Red Robin keeps coming around.
The others come around, too. You don’t see much of Signal working the night shift but you do see Black Bat again. Even Spoiler, though she keeps her distance for a reason you can’t understand. Not to say she is mean or anything. She just waves at you but she never says much else. You’ll hear her and Black Bat talking quietly, though the words themselves are lost on you no matter how hard you strain your ears.
You keep worrying about Tim, of course, and hanging out with Steph, who squeezes in time to see you in between her internship with social services.
For a while, things are calm. The vigilantes who pop up grow increasingly familiar and any wariness evaporates.
Then you get a new face.
The guy walking around the store in the oversized grey hoodie is doing a bad job at robbing you, you think.
Well, he hasn’t actually robbed you. But his hand stays in the pocket of his hoodie, clearly grasping something as he makes a couple circuits around the store. Either scoping it out to see if there is anyone else to worry about or trying to work himself up to it. You think it’s the latter, with how nervous and sweaty he looks.
Mostly, it’s for your own nerves to think that.
It’s been a hot minute since the store was robbed and you were held at gunpoint (or knifepoint). You aren’t explicitly allowed to trigger the silent alarm until either of those things make an appearance, so even with the bad feeling in your gut, you can’t yet do anything.
You are close, though. So very close.
But you don’t have to wait any longer as he rounds the corner and pulls out the gun.
Oh, great.
Before he can say anything, before you can say or do something, the door swings open.
When you both look, there is nothing there.
You wince at the rush of hot smelly air from the outside.
“Who—who’s there?!” he yells, then swings the gun back to you. “What did you do?!”
“I didn’t do anything—”
The arrow comes out of nowhere.
One blink and it’s embedded in his hand, the same hand holding—previously holding—the gun. You flinch as the weapon clatters sharply to the ground, your stomach churning at the sight of the arrow embedded in his hand, blood dripping; he yells in pain, dropping to his knees.
Then comes the owner of the arrow.
Dressed in black and dark shades of purple, the Huntress is a sight to behold. Her boots are soundless on the tiles. She looks… bored as she talks to someone. Some kind of comm, you guess.
“Yeah, I know, I’m on my way back, I’m picking up coffee. From the—yeah. So he’s gotten to you, too? Figures. What’s the sound—? Oh, just some idiot trying to rob the store. Yeah, go ahead and call the cops.”
You stare, heart beating so quickly you feel a little dizzy, as she knocks the guy out, leaving him to slump on the ground. She kicks the gun further away from him for good measure.
Finally, she looks at you.
The Huntress, a figure you’ve only seen in the newspaper or articles online, mostly grainy pictures, is very pretty up close. Shoulder-length dark hair, olive skin, lips painted a deep, pretty shade of purple, and sharp blue eyes, easily revealed through her mask.
“Are you okay?” she asks, watching you carefully.
“Y-Yeah,” you stammer. “Thank you.”
A slight shrug. “All in a day’s work. Coffee?”
“Um. Over there.”
“Thanks.”
You watch, befuddled, as the Huntress steps over the body of the now-unconscious robber and strides to the coffee machine, entirely unbothered as she grabs three cups.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you take your coffee, O. Give me some credit. Is Cat coming by? No? Alright, just you and BC, then.”
As the machine sputters out coffee, she comes back over to you. “Do you have any drink carriers?”
“Yeah, they’re over there.”
You point them out, on the other side of the Slurpee machine, and she nods her thanks, grabbing one.
She returns to the counter a couple minutes later.
“So, um,” you start, clearing your throat. “Is there anything in particular I should say to the police about this?”
She tilts her head, confused for a moment, before realizing what you mean.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. You can say it was me. They’ll want to see the footage, too. Let them.” She pauses, giving you an appraising look. “Is there anyone you would like me to call?”
“Call?” you ask, confused as you ring up the coffees.
She fiddles with a pouch in her utility belt without taking her eyes off you, pulling out a ten dollar bill.
“Red Robin?”
“Red—no. No, I don’t think… I’m fine, I mean.”
Huntress nods and lets it go, accepting her change.
“The cops’ll be here in a few,” she says. “I’ll be around until then, so don’t worry.”
“Thank you, again.”
She gives you the smallest of smiles. “Like I said. All in a day’s—night’s—work.”
You watch her go, one part of you not wanting her to leave, but the other assuaged by her promise to hang around and make sure nothing and nobody bothers you again.
The police arrive a little while after that. By the arrow in the man’s hand, they already know who saved you, but they still demand to see the footage.
“So, it was the Huntress?”
“Yes.”
“Has she ever come by?”
“No.”
“Have you ever interacted with her anywhere else?”
You pause, barely stopping yourself from narrowing your eyes, because you do not like the accusatory tone this cop is giving you. What did he say his name was? Bullock or something.
You send a silent apology to Sandra Bullock for having to share her last name with this idiot.
“Well?” he asks, burning cigarette hanging from his lips, arms crossed. The smell of tobacco is nauseating this close. What’s worse is you’re outside while the other guys handle things inside. Even at one in the morning, the heat edges on unbearable and the humidity is even worse, making your skin tacky with it.
“No,” you say, a tiny bit exasperated. “I have never interacted with her before this. Why would I want to?”
“You were talking to her.”
“She was talking to me. Asked me if I was okay.”
Unlike any of these assholes who blew in here, sirens wailing, and made you put your hands up as they came in, guns brandished, even though the guy was obviously down for the count. Honestly, they scare you more than the shooter. At least in that moment. These guys can be real trigger-happy.
Now, they’re just a pain in your ass.
You need a Slurpee, you think. No, deserve one. For your troubles.
“It’s cut-and-dry, Harv,” the other detective, Montoya, puts in, having stepped away. She sends you a sympathetic look that just annoys you even more. “Got some calls from a few other convenience stores for suspicious activity. They saw this guy, too, but he always left before doing anything. Guess he finally worked up the nerve to do it here but it didn’t work out well in his favor.”
Bullock grunts. “You run her ID?”
Oh, for the love of—
“She’s clear. We’re good.”
Behind you, two EMTs haul the still-unconscious robber out and into the ambulance, which promptly leaves; a cop with gloves on steps out, the gun in a baggie.
Montoya asks you a few more questions, obviously trying to make up for Bullock’s brusque manner of speaking, but it’s a futile effort. You still cooperate, however, as politely as you can with the annoyance still burning inside you and this damnable heat.
Eventually, they leave, called away to some other incident, cars peeling away from the curb, blue-and-red lights flashing, sirens wailing.
You watch them go, allowing your scowl to come out full-force, your arms crossed tightly over your chest.
“Bullock’s always like that. It’s not personal.”
“Jesus,” you hiss, heart pounding as you whirl around; it takes a moment for your eyes to pick out Red Robin leaned against the brick apartment building next to the store, his figure mostly cloaked in shadows.
He steps into the light. Despite the nonchalant tone of his previous words, he looks, dare you say, worried.
“Just coming around?”
“No. I heard what happened. Wanted to come and see how you were.”
“Annoyed. And hot. And tired. Come on, let’s go inside. The AC isn’t that great but it’s better than this.”
Red Robin follows you in. You click your tongue upon finding the blood from the guy’s hand still on the tile. So, now you have to clean that, too, on top of the paperwork you have to fill out for the incident. Great.
You jump at the nudge of a knuckle between your shoulder blades. “What—”
“I can clean it up.”
“No, that’s—”
“Let me do it. I have more experience cleaning blood than you.”
“Charming,” you mutter. “But alright, fine. Thanks.”
“Cleaning supplies?”
“First aisle.”
A nod and he turns, cape fluttering behind him.
You rub your forehead, feeling a headache start to form, and continue for the Slurpee machine at the other end of the store.
A few minutes later, Red Robin joins you, wiping his gloved hands with what looks and smells to be antiseptic pads.
“Good as new,” he tells you, reaching for a Slurpee cup, too, as you sip at yours. “Like nothing ever happened.”
You sigh. “Thanks. Appreciate it.”
“So,” he starts, holding the cup beneath the tube for… the Zesti Cola flavor? What a complete weirdo.
“Are you—” he stops when he looks at you. “You’re judging me.”
“Who comes in to get a Cola-flavored Slurpee? That’s weird. You might as well just get a bottle of it.”
“Woah. It’s so not the same thing. If there was a drink form of, what do you get? Blue raspberry? Yeah. If there was a drink form of that, would you do that instead? A Slurpee is about the consistency. The slushy factor.”
Okay, that’s fair, but something about everything he just said makes you laugh. Hard.
Maybe the heat is getting to you. Maybe it’s the hysteria setting in. Maybe it’s Red Robin passionately defending his choice in Slurpee flavor and saying shit like ‘The slushy factor’ with a straight face. You don’t know.
“You’re finally losing it, aren’t you?” Despite his words, Red Robin looks almost relieved. He really was worried, you surmise, which is a… touching thought.
You quell your giggles, shaking your head; though the laughter was nice, your head is really pounding now.
“Here,” he says, digging through a pouch at his utility belt, pulling out a mini packet of… huh. Tylenol.
“Tampered?” you ask, taking it from him, anyway.
“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it already.”
“Again. Charming.” But it still doesn’t change the thoughtfulness of the action; he doesn’t have to. If anything, this stuff is probably best kept for him. Though with their proclivity for putting their lives in danger, you don’t imagine Tylenol would be particularly helpful against gunshot wounds, but still…
“Thanks,” you say, a little quieter now, more meaning in your voice as you tear it open and shake out two pills.
Red Robin shakes his head. “It’s the least I can do.”
You can tell he means it. Which is, again, both touching and maybe a little bit confusing, too.
But trying to decipher why he does what he does is a futile effort.
This is, after all, the same guy who dresses up and goes out fighting the worst of the worst night after night.
Best not to look too closely. Who knows what you might find.
Despite your best efforts, Steph finds out about what happened. Something about the newspaper, which is odd, because you don’t recall seeing the news there—honestly, much more crazy shit happens overnight in Gotham. Robberies are old news.
But either way, you can’t complain too much because you are appreciative of her coddling the next day, which includes, but is not limited to, ordering takeout, burrowing on your crappy couch together, and watching old 2000s movies.
The only thing missing is—
“He said he was busy but he sent me the money for takeout. To make up for it.”
You purse your lips but don’t say anything. That you don’t want his money. You just want—
Nothing.
“We don’t need him,” Steph says determinedly in the next second. Which is a departure from what she usually says—that you’ll see Tim eventually, that his work at WE will let up. You don’t have the energy to ponder why.
You sigh, sinking further into the couch. Steph is warm next to you. You can smell her shampoo. Jasmine.
“I guess not,” you concede in a mumble.
You can’t do anything but concede. After all, it’s your initial avoidance of him at the start of June that caused this, right? And he keeps dodging your calls, your requests to hang out—points in which you might’ve been able to clear the air, apologize for it, but… no.
It’s not like you could track him down. You know the apartments he lives in—down in Old Gotham, in a much more expensive building than your shitty one here in Coventry. But sometimes he spends time at the manor, too, up in Bristol and you can’t ambush him there. You couldn’t. That would be too much. Right?
Trying to find him at WE is a lost cause, too. Not just because they have three given locations throughout the city but because you wouldn’t know if he was in or not.
Or maybe you’re just looking for the easy way out.
Complicated.
Why does it have to be so complicated?
“You look tired.”
“Thank you, Red, because that’s what every girl loves to hear.”
“Just a simple observation,” he responds, leaning against the counter, eating a kolach. Your Slurpee cups sweat in the mid-June heat, creating rings of condensation on the scuffed and scratched counter. You watch a droplet slowly roll down, joining the ring of water.
Your eyelids are heavy, dragging with each blink. A dull headache reminds you of your restless sleep and you’re sure the bags under your eyes tell it to the world, too. To Red Robin, specifically.
He finishes his kolach, crumpling the wrapper in one hand, looking steadily at you all the while.
“What?”
“Is it because of what happened last week?” he asks and his voice is frightfully gentle in a way you are not emotionally prepared to deal with.
“No,” you say quickly. “It’s not that.”
The occasional nightmare bothers you but that’s normal. You can deal with that.
“Then?”
You shake your head. God, you are exhausted. You fold your arms on the counter and bury your face there.
It’s quiet for a minute.
The refrigerators hum at the back. The AC makes an odd clanging noise before it turns on. Somewhere outside, a dog barks.
“I’m a good listener,” Red hedges after a minute. “Or so I’ve been told.”
“It’s stupid,” you say, voice muffled.
“Why?”
“Because it’s, like, stupid twenty-year-old drama and not, I dunno, the latest rumors on drug trades.”
Red laughs. It’s a pleasant sound that makes something inside you unwind.
“You should be relieved to hear I am up to date on the latest rumors on drug trades. And also, believe it or not, I do like to talk about things other than crime.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
A soft chuckle. It sounds almost affectionate.
“Come on. Whatever it is, it’s making you lose sleep. That’s not good.”
“Losing some sleep isn’t the end of the world.”
“I don’t know. Feels like it might be for you.”
You grunt, an old memory from Keystone niggling at you. You set it aside for the moment.
“It’s nothing,” you say eventually. “It’s just—nothing.”
“I don’t think it’s nothing,” he remarks. “But if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s cool, too. If you ever do—”
“Dr. Red, to the rescue.”
He laughs. “Well, I’m not a licensed therapist and I can’t promise my advice is sound, either, so…”
“Don’t sue you?”
“Like you even could. But still, I’m here.”
You want to ask why but that might be too much for you right now.
You let yourself settle with some generic explanation, that he is obligated to ask that as a vigilante, as someone who is generally supposed to be concerned with the wellbeing of the citizens of this city. And also he is trying to prove some kind of point, so this is part of that.
“So,” you quickly say to change the topic. “What are the latest rumors on the drug trade?”
He laughs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“You look tired.”
“Thank you, Flash, that’s exactly what I’d like to hear.”
“Just a simple observation,” he says, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.
“Well, rest assured, I have Tim and Steph on my case about it. They’ve both demanded a video call with me tomorrow despite me telling them I am alive and well. Apparently, just saying I’m alive isn’t reassuring. Can’t imagine why. That’s more than enough in Gotham…”
Mother hens, the both of them.
And Flash, too, apparently, though he does a better job of covering it up.
Off near the coffee machine, a melodic hum of Dancing in the Dark, the song currently playing lowly overhead, reaches you. You tune into it, the sound lulling you, both because it’s pleasant and because the song makes you think of Tim and his love for Bruce Springsteen (largely in honor of his late father, Jack Drake). Because of that, you totally miss Flash’s next words.
“—here? Oh, Jesus, Piper! Stop humming. You’re distracting her.”
“Oh, sorry!” comes the apologetic and still melodic voice of the Pied Piper. More normal now, though, letting you shake your head and focus again. Piper comes around the aisle, a big cup of coffee in hand; he gives you a handsome and apologetic smile that you wave off.
“It’s fine—what were you saying, Flash?”
He wiggles his fingers at you. “I’m just curious about those two, that’s all, since they seem very worried about you, oh, practically all the time. Not that it’s unwarranted, of course.”
“I’m fine, Flash.”
He gives you a look. “I don’t believe that but seems like they got it covered so, I’ll let it go. I’m still curious about them, though. What are we talking here? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Both boyfriend and girlfriend? That’s cool, I don’t judge.”
“Are you—what? In regards to who?”
“You, obviously.”
You shake your head quickly. “No. No, absolutely not. Tim and Steph dated when they were teens, they’re exes. That’s weird.”
A bit of an uncomfortable discussion, too, if only because you are… too aware of your own attraction to Tim. A different kind of attraction. One that has you constantly admiring him. Or had you, back when you were in Gotham. With Steph, you know she is stupidly pretty but it doesn’t fluster you.
It's… nothing.
(It has to be nothing.)
“Feelings are a natural part of life, kiddo! Nothing weird about it. Have they been weird about it?”
“We’ve never even discussed the remote possibility of me dating either of them—because that would never happen in a million years.”
“Well, if they’re friends, then it shouldn’t be a problem. You don’t get many exes who can stay friends after a breakup. Right, Pipes?”
“It’s true,” he says easily, and, hold on a fucking minute, is… is the Flash implying that he and Piper dated?
“Yes, we did,” Flash answers and oh, you said that out loud, and this is… a bit of Flash lore that you aren’t sure you ever needed to know.
But still. He continues, shooting a grin at Piper. “And we’re still great friends! Me, him, and my wife!”
“Wife?” you choke out.
Great. More lore.
Piper rolls his eyes. “Flash.”
“Okay, I didn’t mean to give that away but it’s fine, we can trust her. She’s a friend.”
The words would be sweet if you still weren’t compartmentalizing the fact that he is actually married and… apparently dated the Pied Piper at one point. The Pied Piper who used to be part of the Flash’s rogue gallery, then reformed. Huh.
“You—” you point at him for good measure “—have a wife? Someone actually married you?”
Piper bursts out laughing. It’s a pleasant sound you could get lost in… No! Focus.
Flash looks affronted. “I’ll have you know I am excellent husband material!”
Piper, still chuckling, looks at you and gives a small shrug. “It is true. The superhero community isn’t very ripe with it, for reasons I’m sure you can figure out, so, Flash is a bit of a standout in that area.”
“Because the bar is low.”
“Not true,” Flash interjects. “Superman is married. You know how hard it is to compete with Superman? It’s hard. But I manage it. We’re nearly neck-and-neck in terms of husband material, I’d say.”
He ignores Piper’s snort of laughter and leans in conspiratorially. “But you know who isn’t married? Batman. He’s not husband material. He’s not even boyfriend material.”
You look at Piper, who shrugs. “Never met the guy, thankfully, but from what I’ve heard from Flash, I have to agree. The tall, dark, and broody thing can be attractive but—”
“He’s just a sourpuss,” Flash finishes. “No sense of whimsy whatsoever.”
“Oh, and you have that?”
Piper laughs as Flash sputters. “I can have fun! Why do you think I hang around you?”
You laugh. “That’s… Alright. Fine.”
Flash cocks his head suddenly, no doubt listening to the police frequency he tunes into. Piper fishes out a twenty for everything and tells you to keep the change. In the next moment, the both of them are gone, leaving you with a sharp gust of wind and arcing blue lightning that makes your skin break out in goosebumps.
Okay, then.
Your video call is the next day—Saturday—and it goes as well as you think it will.
“You look like shit.”
Steph is more blunt about it, but the sight of Tim’s grimacing face on your laptop screen shows he very much agrees.
“Thank you, my dear friends, it is lovely to see you, too, yes, I’m doing quite well, thank you. And you?”
“Okay, fair,” Tim says, holding up a hand, “but don’t lie and saying you’re doing ‘quite well.’ Someone doing ‘quite well’ doesn’t look as exhausted as you look.”
You narrow your eyes at him. “And you wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Or boyfriend,” Steph tacks on immediately, not one to miss an opportunity to tag him.
He rolls his eyes. You shuffle around, freshly showered, looking around for your lotion, then remember it’s in the bathroom.
“Give me a sec,” you say to them, heading over to it.
The audio of the video call feeds out from the speakers of your laptop, so you can easily hear their next conversation.
“It’s so hard, isn’t it?” Steph asks
“What is?” comes Tim’s confused question.
“The urge to resist wiring her money. It’s written all over your face, duckie.”
“Like you don’t want to, either,” he shoots back.
A pause.
“Maybe we can—"
“I can hear you!” you call as you go back to your desk, bottle of lotion in hand. They look a tad sheepish as you settle in your chair. “And look, fine, I won’t say to a couple bucks—"
“Define a couple bucks,” Tim says.
“Max twenty—for dinner—” as soon as you say that, they’re both scrambling for their phones. You grimace. “Guys, come on, it’s not that bad.”
Tim gives you a concerned look. “Even your bags have bags.”
You blink. “Did you just… quote Spongebob?”
Steph grins in the other frame. “He’s finally cultured.”
Then they both return their focus to their phones.
A second later, yours chimes with notifications from Cashapp, twenty dollars from each of them.
“Guys… everything is fine.”
“No, it’s not,” Steph says stubbornly. “But that’s fine. You know you can rely on us, right? We’re friends. That’s what friends do. I know Timothy over here doesn’t always set the greatest examples for it—”
“Thanks, Steph.”
“You’re welcome,” she replies without missing a beat. “Anyway, let us help.”
“You’re already helping,” you soothe. “So, it’s okay. This semester is going to be tough but it’ll be worth it. And after this, it’ll be easier, okay? You guys are here now—”
“Not in a way that really matters,” Tim mutters.
“Which is not an invitation to come over here,” you warn—him, mostly. Steph would go along with it but he’d be the instigator.
They both pout.
You smile. Sometimes, it’s hard to handle the fact that you have friends like this. Friends who care so deeply, who love you so much, it feels hard to breathe. Because you know you love them just as much.
“I love you guys,” you say next, because you have to say it, they have to know; it’s hard for you, sometimes, just because it scares you, but after everything, you know how important it is for the people you love to know you love them.
They soften, echoing the words, and that’s enough for you.
Of course it is.
You don’t have much. No parents, no other family.
But you have them.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
A slow blink. “Updating Redbird’s security protocols?”
The garage of Tim’s townhouse smells sharply of oil and rubber. But he isn’t elbow-deep in the engine today, just seated off to the side, laptop perched on his lap and hooked up to its system. ‘Updating’ it. God knows why. The Redbird’s security protocols are just as stringent as the Batmobile’s.
Jason once regaled them with his plan, way back when, to blow it up. Bruce included. And how he went about it.
“It’s got safeguards like crazy, right? Even when it’s idle or shut down. Come up to it, fire a gun, launch a missile—doesn’t matter. Not gonna touch it before the security protocols kick in. It can sense you on thermal, air currents, video recognition, all of it.”
“So, how’d you get past it?”
“SEAL-grade wetsuit. Invisible to thermal with reflection fibers that play hell with video. But the biggest thing? Going slow. And I mean slow. Like five seconds per inch slow.”
The insane attention to detail and paranoia runs in the family, obviously.
Tim had sat in for that. Stephanie remembers the look on his face. Begrudging respect, combined with a familiar twitchiness that told her he was absolutely dying to run out and start updating his stuff.
Question everything. That’s what Bruce says.
Tim tries to separate himself from it. He really does. It gets tiring, exhausting, to live like that. But old habits die hard and his big brain precedes him sometimes. Wondering at the possibilities, at the million-in-one scenarios.
Ordinarily, Stephanie has more sympathy for him. Really. But right now, after your phone call about his little visit to Circle K…
She’s pissed.
“Don’t play dumb,” she says, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.
“What is it that I’m playing dumb about?” he asks, averting his attention back to his laptop, keys clacking quickly, pausing momentarily as he takes a swig of Red Bull.
She tells him.
At the sound of your name, he stops.
But now that she’s started, she can’t stop. “Visiting her? As Red Robin? What are you thinking, Tim?”
The clack of keys resumes. The set of his gaze on the laptop screen is very intentional now. Avoiding her.
“It’s nothing, Steph,” he says and she almost believes it. But she knows him, so she doesn’t. “It’s harmless.”
“So, why won’t you hang out with us? Her? Because I assume you’re also avoiding her individually.”
A little sigh. Impatient. “I’m not avoiding her. I really was busy. Have been busy. You know how the heat messes with the city.”
It’s the excuse that bothers Stephanie.
Tim is making some kind of choice here. Choosing to favor Red Robin over himself, over Tim Drake, and it makes no sense. Red Robin isn’t your best friend. He isn’t even your favorite vigilante. (Black Canary is. She agrees, though it would be nice for Spoiler to get some spotlight but that is neither here nor there.)
You know who is your best friend? (One of them, anyway.)
Tim freakin’ Drake.
Stephanie knows why he’s avoiding you all of a sudden. The connection will be too easy to make. It’s why she—as Spoiler—keeps her distance. Tucks away her hair, hides her face even more, when she and Cass visit Circle K.
Even though! They had talked about telling you. Stephanie wanted to tell you so badly. You know who her father is. Was. You know how her mom used to be like. You know everything and you never once judged. You were, to be sure, a bit wary of them—the vigilantes—but most were. You wouldn’t turn them away if you knew.
If there is anything Stephanie knows, it is that.
But then she went away to Metropolis for a week and a half and suddenly, he’s visiting you as Red Robin. And he’s not trying to ease you into it, not trying to help you latch onto some clues, to make it easier—because they’d discussed that, too!—he’s doing it because… Well, she doesn’t really know. But there is a reason. She knows that much. A big reason.
It makes no sense to her, considering his feelings. Complicates things unnecessarily. Especially with how he’s avoiding you because of it, because he apparently got cold feet on telling you the truth.
And it’s the excuse… it’s the excuse that pisses her off.
Their relationship, back when they were kids, had some questionable origins. It did. Stephanie did things she wasn’t proud of. He did things he wasn’t proud of. It was messy. She tries not to kick herself about it—about being a silly girl in love, awed at the attention of a boy like Robin, knowing he was dating a girl (Ariana Dzerchenko, her name was, she would later find) and making moves on him despite that, moves that he always, always went along with. Like two magnets that couldn’t help but fall together.
Don’t get her wrong! The blame is not solely on her. It’s on him, too. She shouldn’t have pushed. He shouldn’t have went along with it, knowing he had a girlfriend, too. He shouldn’t have held his knowledge of her identity over her head the way he did. He isn’t mean-spirited at heart but he had an advantage over her. He knew she was Stephanie Brown. She knew him only as Robin and nothing else. Not until later on that would change and that… that was another mess entirely.
But they were dumb and young. Stephanie tries not to hold it against herself. They know better now. She knows better now. Knows what she deserves.
But this feels too close to him crossing that line.
No, he has crossed that line.
Given one persona up for another.
Approaching you as Red Robin, while you know nothing of him, and doing god knows what…
Someone is going to get hurt.
Last time, it was him. The circumstances, Bruce’s unceremonious reveal of his identity to her—a mistake, an egregious overstep—it all culminated in Tim feeling betrayed. Betrayed that Bruce would reveal that to her without Tim’s say so, without even asking him if he was okay with her knowing. Betrayed that Stephanie went along with it.
This time?
Stephanie feels it in her bones.
The person who is going to get hurt is you.
You, clueless about these lives they lead, clueless as Tim monopolizes your time as Red Robin, all the while you have no idea it’s him. You, her best friend. Stephanie loves you to the end of the universe.
She doesn’t want to see you hurt.
The mere thought of it, of the potential fallout, leaves a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Steph. Steph, it’s fine.”
She blinks, coming back to herself. Tim is standing in front of her now, dark brows knitted together, blue eyes intent on her face. Concerned.
“You’re lying to her.”
“We’ve been lying to her.”
“Not like this,” she says quietly. “Not this way. You’re… This is too much, Tim. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. What happened?”
“Nothing,” he says. For what it’s worth, to anyone else, it sounds believable. But like she said. Stephanie knows him. For better or for worse.
And on that end, she also knows he is not going to budge. No matter how much Stephanie wants to drill this into him, grab him by the shoulders and make her point. Once he’s made a decision, he commits.
Or more like he’s dug himself into this grave and he doesn’t (can’t?) want to get out.
“This is a mistake,” she says. “And you know it. I just hope you actually try to fix it sooner rather than later. Because if you break her heart, I’m going to break something of yours.”
Stephanie loves Tim. He’s a great friend. They’ve had their ups and downs—even discounting their relationship—but they’re solid. They are.
But she loves you, too. So much so it sometimes feels like she’s going to burst with it. She’s never had something like that, like this, and in the end, she doesn’t want to choose, but Tim knows better. And because he knows better, you are her first priority.
Even worse, he doesn’t seem bothered by the threat. Relieved, if anything.
“I’m counting on it, Steph.”
Which is so unfair in so many ways (fix it, she wants to yell, don’t rely on me to come clean up when shit hits the fan—do it yourself!) but she’s had enough of this conversation and all the ways this can go wrong.
Maybe he will turn around. Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But she doesn’t think so. He won’t. Not until the consequences of this, of his lies, of his excuses, come hit him in the face.
She wishes it weren’t like that—knowing what it will result in.
But some things you just can’t change.
She knows better with Tim.
She really, really does.
reblogs are appreciated!
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It's the anon from a while ago who was going through opioid withdrawal.
I went to a pain management clinic and they basically told me my withdrawal symptoms aren't real and I should see a psychologist. They won't help me taper. That an addiction center wouldn't help because I'm not really addicted. Then why do I feel so sick when I try to reduce my dosage? Why do I have all the textbook symptoms of withdrawal? I can't stop cold turkey and I can't be sick all the time cause I have a full time job.
He said the opioids would be out of my system in a week, is that true? I don't know if I can get through a week of feeling like this. I've been on these meds for over a year, it just doesn't feel safe.
He also told me I just have to deal with my chronic pain and there's nothing they can do. It took weeks to see this specialist and he basically told me to go fuck myself.
I ended up breaking down in the appointment and he just had me leave.
I'm so tired and frustrated and I hate feeling like this.
Anon im so sorry. Thats so fucking shitty
I swear it’s fucking like — all he did was set you up for fucking failure.
He’s telling you to ignore your own warning signs until they get bad enough for him to acknowledge. By then you might be desperate enough that you go to street drugs or your withdrawal might need medical assistance. It happens a lot to pain patients whose doctors fuck them over. By the time they validate your problem their solution is now to just cut you off and leave you with no legal options for your pain. It’s an extremely common reason that people end up on heroin.
He’s encouraging you to pretend that the problem isn’t starting and setting you up to keep digging yourself deeper. But of course they’ll say it’s YOUR fault if your pain drives you to do something dangerous.
Ugh. Okay. Listen.
The opiates may very well be out of your system in a week. And i want to assure you that opiate withdrawal, while extremely painful, is not technically dangerous. Not like alcohol or benzodiazepines where you can hallucinate and have seizures. You won’t be in any danger. Just extreme discomfort (as im sure you’ve tasted already)
But if you continue to feel pain after that, and you very well might, i wanna tell you it’s real and valid. Even if doctors try to do the “it’s only in your head” thing.
Cuz you know what. It WILL be in your head. Your body’s pain receptors are going to feel raw and fragile. I was clean from fentanyl for months before my chronic pain truly eased. It’s like your body has to learn how to tolerate pain again and people don’t respect how miserable and painful that process is. You’re brave and strong for facing it.
I’m a little sleep deprived and im not sure what else advice i can offer atm but you’re on my mind anon. Please drop in my inbox again whenever you need.
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Hello hello :)
I hope you're having a good day!
May I request Hobie and Spider-Noir with a s/o who cries a lot?
Not only out of sadness, but out of everything. They're happy? They cry. They're frustrated? They cry. It's just their body's natural reaction to any intense emotion. Even like, if they're listening to a song that itches their brain just right, boom, tears (talking of personal experience, me? Absolutely.)
I'm just kinda insecure about my crying habits lol, I need reassurance. (I cried to System Of A Down and Slipknot, send help)
Thank you and sending lotsa love :)
hobie brown and spider-noir with an s/o that cries a lot !
ok, first i wanna stress that you should never feel insecure about your natural bodily functions- ever. crying is completely natural and a normal way to express any type of feeling, so i hope you gain a little confidence in your ability to feel so strongly :] it’s a beautiful thing
second, you should check out demon slayer in you haven’t, there’s this character that always cries at everything and he’s the strongest ! gyomei my love
third, these are kinda short and i’m very sorry, i struggled w noir
separate scenarios
warnings: crying ?? insecurity ?
pairing: hobie brown x gn!reader, spider-noir x gn!reader
requests: refer to this bad boy
★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧
i bet hobie’s one of them guys that gives out great advice about mental health or just in general and doesn’t take his own advice
he’s too cool to cry, he claims
but suddenly it’s not cool for everyone else to NOT cry
also uses common sense and figures that crying is a completely natural reaction when you feel any type of emotion, won’t be embarrassed by you if you start bawling your eyes out in public if you happen to feel happy to be spending time together
he just smiles and rubs your back, shaking his head but in a playful way since this is a common occurrence
does one of those side hug things where he hooks his arm around your neck and squeezes you to his side a few times, talking about “let it out”
it’s nice in a way, he knows that you’re crying cause you’re happy to be spending time with him
he’s close buddies with pav who i can also see crying at a lot of things, man’s not judgemental
and he can of course understand crying at sad things ! if you two are kicked back one day and you’re violently bawling at a movie that’s meant to be a tear jerker, he’s not gonna shame you
he’s probably thinking about how accomplished the movie directors must be/feel while simultaneously shaming the big company who produced it
it’s nothing new and he’d rather not address it directly by asking you each time if you’re okay when you cry, he imagined it would get irritating and make you feel like it’s wrong
so he probably does something to show he’s there, an arm around your shoulder, maybe he ruffles your hair or something if you’re excited crying (i do this w my special interests, there’s no shame)
overall, hobie just wants you to feel comfortable enough to cry at all- this stuff should be normalised after all, no reason to even justify it to begin with
he may even encourage you to cry, get it out your system
he definitely understands frustrated crying, i imagine he’s a man who’s had his fair share of frustrations and sometimes crying is the only way to cope
if it bothers you so much, he might try introducing you to other coping mechanisms that he personally does
encourages you to get into music, play an instrument, do something spontaneous with your appearance
if he ever catches you crying over one of his own creations, the man’s floored with this appreciation
the last fucking thing he’ll do is ever make you feel guilty for crying, he’s having none of that and he’ll silently scowl in such disgust at the people that do
it’s not cool to shame peoples emotions, no invalidation here
if he’s in the right mood and you’re crying for something, happily he might just hype you up honestly
go bestie go, cry your eyes out
noir
someone else who sees nothing wrong with crying- he admittedly associates it most with grief so definitively panics the first few times he sees you crying at anything
but explain how crying is your response to everything and he’ll relax
he’s probably envious of your ability to feel so strongly about everything, since he struggles to feel a thing
the man literally lets matches burn to his fingertips out of hopes of feeling anything
that being said, he doesn’t want you to think like you now get to feel ungrateful for your tendencies to cry at everything since he envies it- crying is still taxing as fuck and you’re entitled to your own functions, he just wished he could take a page or two from your book
nine times outta ten he will probably assume each time that you’re crying out of sadness, he’s horrible at reading the room
it’s a pretty instant reaction from him to ask what’s wrong and assume the worst, man’s is instantly ready to start a fight if you’re crying for something bad that’s happened
makes a really big deal out of hugging you and dramatically wrapping his coat around you before suspiciously listing all of your enemies
he’s more of a “cheer up, sport” kinda guy and is a lot more insistent about talking to him about your feelings
partly because he want to understand the feelings, mostly because he wants to help you
probably cites some old 30’s techniques on how to make your face less puffy after crying if it bothers you- a really bizarre remedy
he’s also heard some more modern techniques, like chewing gum when cutting onions
he assumes that works for crying as a whole
happy crying takes him some time to wrap around his head, but he’ll get it
it’s a little surprising to him at first that you cry at every little thing, but that’s okay
he cant imagine that he’ll ever get over that initial surprise, seeing you cry at all immediately catches his attention - he’ll eventually stop assuming it’s bad, but he does attempt to comfort you each time without fail
you could be crying in such joy and he’ll fail to read the room, strokes your head while talking to you like you’re a dog that’s just had their paw stepped on
thinks he’s helping an incredible amount, has a small ego boost when he does successfully comfort you
he really does embrace it instead of trying to avoid it, which he imagined would be arrogant anyway
he’s envious, overall
good for you for being so in touch with your emotions
★⋆ ⋆☆⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆☆⋆⋆★✧
IM SORRY THIS KINDA SUCKS IM BAD AT CRYING
#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#imagine#oneshot#headcanon#ask#hobie brown#atsv hobie#hobie spiderverse#hobie brown x gn!reader#hobie x gn!reader#gn reader#spider noir#spider noir x reader#spider noir x gn!reader
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