#had to call them at one point bc it was needlessly confusing

[elvenroach]

why is trying to get my name changed such a process please let me just do it i promise i’ve never committed a crime in my life just let me do it

[islesnucks]

THE NANNY - ELIAS PETTERSSON X READER

inspired by this fragment of what bo said in a interview about letting the team babysit Gunnar

ps: i don’t know if they nicknamed him Gunnsey, just saw Jake call him that once 

ps2: this is not proofread so just a warning

Word count: 3.4 k (a bit longer than what i usually do)

Warnings: kidnap is mention a couple times jokingly bc petey at first thinks Y/N’s kidnapping the kid, even though it’s meant 100% as a joke i know it could be triggering so just letting you know, however just in case keep in mind it’s never used seriously

Summary: Elias doesn’t know Bo and Holly hired a nanny so the first time he sees you with the baby he freaks out a little, eventually apologizes and there's fluff (i suck at summaries)

Masterlist

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Elias was coming out of the dressing room when he saw you rushing down the hall with a little kid in your arms that he knew for sure wasn’t yours, because it was in fact his captain's son. So he did what seemed like the reasonable thing to do: look for Bo or Holly to tell them. Luckily Bo was near the door finishing his interview with a couple reporters.

“Hey Bo?” he approached him as soon as the reporters left.

“What Petey?” He could see the alarmed look on the boy’s face.

“I think I saw a girl running away with your kid.” he told Bo, who was about to lose it when he saw you walking down the hall in their direction with his son in your arms. He let out a relieving sigh, making Elias confused. If it was his child he definitely would be calling 911 by now.

“Is that the girl you were talking about?” Bo asked, pointing at you. The hall had become more crowded since the rest of his teammates started coming out, but he could see you as you stretched your neck and looked around for someone. Elias nodded, getting more confused by the second.

“That’s our nanny dumbass.” he informed him, hitting him in the back of the head for making him needlessly worry.

“A Nanny?” 

“Yes a nanny Elias. She looks after our kid, takes care of him. Don’t they have those in Sweden?” He knew what a nanny was and Bo’s sarcastic remark only made him feel more stupid. Of course you were the nanny, it was pretty obvious, now that he looked at you he could see you were carrying the bag Holly normally brought everywhere with Gunnar’s stuff.

“They do I just-” he started to defend himself but instantly shut up when he saw you appear next to him.

“Hey look it’s your daddy!” you said to little Gunnar in your arms as the baby stretched his arms toward his father making grabby hands. Bo smiled at his son and took him in his arms, but you could tell there was a bit of concern on his face.

”Is everything, okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just that Petey here though you were kidnapping Gunnar and almost gave me a heart attack.” Bo explained. Elias looked down embarrassed as his cheeks turned red. You on the other hand were too busy panicking to even notice the blushing mess standing next to you.

The Horvats had hired you mainly to help Holly around the house since she was getting back to her work and especially when Bo had to go on roadtrips. They also wanted Gunnar to get familiar with you, that’s why you were there tonight. This was your first time with them out of the house, if you did something wrong they wouldn’t trust you so they would probably fire you and you really needed the job.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry! I forgot my phone back on our seats and Holly had gone to the bathroom and you were still in there and I couldn’t leave him alone-”

“Y/N don’t worry. It’s fine.” he interrupted you with a sweet tone that made you ease the anxiety that started building up at the thought of losing your job before it even really started.

“I’m so sorry I should have told you before disappearing with Gunnsey.”

“Really don’t worry Y/N.” he kept reassuring you, but you couldn't shake off that bad feeling.

“What happened?” Holly asked after joining you and seeing your expression.

“Nothing, just a little misunderstanding Everything’s okay Y/N, really don’t worry.” Bo answered before you could and gave you a sweet smile that helped you calm your nerves. He would obviously tell Holly when they were back home, but it wasn’t a big deal and he didn’t want to make you feel like they were coming down on you.

Elias was starting to feel a bit out of place there so he excused himself, said goodbye and left to find his friends, but not before giving you one final look. Now that he didn’t think you were trying to kidnap his teammate's kid he found you really pretty and felt even worse for what he made you go through. You were smiling and chatting with Bo and Holly about the game, but he could see you were still a bit nervous. 

He made his way towards Jake, Quinn and Brock, who were already looking at him suggestively after seeing the whole interaction, completely obvious to the fact their friend had actually screwed up big time.

“Who’s that?” Brock was the first to ask, wiggling his eyebrows.

“She’s Bo and Holly’s new nanny.”

“I didn’t know they hired a nanny.” Quinn was the one talking now.

“Yeah, me neither and I kind of thought she was kidnapping Gunnsey-” he started to explain but instantly regretted it when he saw the looks on his friend’s faces. He was never going to hear the end of this.

“No you didn’t!” Brock cut him off and everyone started laughing, everyone except Elias who just shook his head trying once again to hide his embarrassment.

“Way to make a first impression Petey. She must hate you.” Jake said putting his arm around Elias. 

“Fuck off.” he replied pushing his arm off and walking away towards the parking lot as he heard their laughs behind him. He was not in the mood to endure the teasing from his friends.

On the drive to his apartment he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He knew Bo and Holly weren’t going to fire you, they were nice reasonable people who understood it was all a misunderstanding; a misunderstanding caused by him. Yet he couldn’t shake off the feeling he should have said something or at least apologize. So he promised himself that was the exact thing he was gonna do when he saw you again.

-

The next time Elias saw you was a couple weeks later. Bo and Holly were hosting a barbecue for the whole team and had asked you to come over and help look after Gunnar while they prepared everything.

Elias walked into the house with one thing in mind: apologizing to you. However as he made his way through the house towards the backyard he couldn’t find you anywhere. He took a sit next to a sit with the rest of his teammates and tried to make casual conversation but his mind was stuck on you.

Bo noticed the way Elias was barely talking and constantly looking around for someone and it didn’t take him long to realize that someone was you. Elias had asked him about you a couple times at practice and games after what had happened the other night, but he still didn’t know if he was just being polite and wanted to apologize or there was something more going on.

“She’s inside playing with Gunnar in his room.” Bo leaned in to tell him so the rest wouldn’t hear, then he simply turned around and continued working on the grill. Elias was a bit confused at first, he didn’t understand how Bo could even know what he was even thinking about. However he quickly stood up mumbling some excuse about going to the bathroom and headed towards the house.

He found you sitting on a little couch with Gunnar in your lap reading a book. You were too focused on explaining the drawings on the pages to the kid to notice his presence. Elias stayed a couple seconds by the door in silence, not wanting to intrude in the sweet moment you were having. He couldn’t help but smile as he heard the sweet high pitch voice you used when talking to the little kid, how you’d smile and make a funny face at Gunnar, how he would laugh at you which only made both your smiles grow wider. If the other day he had thought you were pretty, today he was convinced you were beautiful.

Eventually you finished the book and Elias thought it was time to make his presence known before you notice he had been there the whole time and thought he was creeping on you or something. He was sure you already had a bad impression of him, no need to make it worse. He gently knocked on the door and your face shot up at him.

“Hey.” he said shyly walking into the room.

“Hi.” you replied as you got up with Gunnar still in your arms. The kid wrapped his arms around you and rested his face in your chest, it was clear he would fall asleep any moment from now.

“Can we talk?” Elias asked, not sure how to begin the conversation and a little afraid you’d blow him off.

“S-sure.” you replied a bit confused as to what he wanted to talk about. “But in a low voice, he’s really close to falling asleep.”

“Oh yeah sure.” he immediately lowered his tone to almost a whisper which you found cute. A small giggle escaped your lips.

“I’m Elias by the way.” he said, extending his hand but quickly putting it away and blushing when he realized you wouldn’t be able to shake it since you were holding the kid.

“Y/N. You’re Bo’s teammate, right? The one who thought I was kidnapping Gunnsey.” you added a smirk and arched brows, making his cheeks turn even redder. You were joking about it, that’s a good sign Elias though. Maybe you didn’t hate him.

“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk about. I’m so sorry.” he finally said, letting out a deep sigh. He had been beating himself up about it since that night some weeks ago and finally being able to apologize was like taking a huge weight off of his shoulders. You could tell.

“Don’t worry, it was just a misunderstanding. I mean if I saw a stranger basically running down a hall with one of my friend’s kids I’d think the worst too. You did nothing wrong Elias.” you reassured him. Yes at the moment you nearly had a heart attack and felt a bit of resentment towards that guy who thought you could even do something like that, but after all you didn’t lose your job and you could tell Elias genuinely regret everything that had happened.

“Still I shouldn’t have thought you were kidnaping a child, you don’t look like you’d do that.”

“Glad to know I look like a decent human being.”

“You do! I mean not that I thought you didn’t. I-I think you look really pretty- really decent!” Elias started rambling trying to correct himself but felt he was only making everything worse. However you found the blushing mess of a man in front of you actually really cute.

“Thanks Elias, you look really decent too.” you told him with a sweet smile that helped calm his nerves down. He beamed down and at you and held your gaze. The room went silent but it wasn’t awkward at all. At one point you could have swore his blue eyes had hypnotized you.

“Oh you put him to sleep.” Holly said, appearing suddenly next to you. Only then you noticed at some point in your conversation with Elias Gunnar had fallen asleep in your arms. You then proceeded to walk up to the little bed and tried to lay the sleeping kid as gently as possible to not wake him up.

“You should head to the yard with us, grab something to eat.”

“Are you sure? What if he wakes up and-”

“Don’t be silly, that’s why we have the baby monitor. Come on, Elias can present you to the rest of the team.” she said hooking her arms with yours and basically dragging you out of the room too quickly to notice Elias blushed cheeks and for him to notice yours.

Just like Holly said Elias introduced you to the rest of the team before moving an empty chair so you could sit next to him. You didn’t miss the way his friends looked at you two and smirked, but decided not to make a deal out of it, just boys being boys.

The rest of the afternoon was spent eating, talking and laughing; mostly with Elias. At first you were part of the group conversation, but eventually your bodies started slowly turning to the point you were basically facing each other and having a conversation of your own.

He told you about him, how long he had been teammates with Bo, his love for hockey, how he felt moving to the states; he even showed off a little telling you about his rookie year and how he won the Calder trophy. 

And you told him about yourself, what you were studying, how you started babysitting and a friend connected you with the Horvats. He listened to everything you said, no matter how boring and mundane it seemed to you. You weren’t traveling the country living your dream like him, but to him every single fact you told him about yourself was impressive. You genuinely felt heard which wasn’t something common, especially dealing with guys.

Gunnar stayed asleep for most of the time. Only once he woke up and when he did Holly insisted she would take care of it, that she missed her baby boy. But you knew she was just doing it so you could stay with Elias, and you internally thanked her for it.

You completely lost track of time and by the time you checked your phone's couldn't believe it was already almost evening.

“I should get going.” you announced getting up and the rest of the group booed.

“Come on it’s not even 6pm.” Jake said.

“I know, but I have an exam tomorrow and I should go over everything one last time.”

“Do you have a ride?” Holly asked.

“No but I’ll just take an uber-”

“Petey can drive you.” Jake proposed without even looking at his friend who was debating on whether to kill him or thank him.

“But he’s the designated driv-” Quinn started to say but shut up when Brock nudged him on the ribs with his elbow. It was embarrassingly obvious his friends were setting him up, but if it meant getting more times with you Elias didn’t mind. He’d deal with them later.

You looked at Elias who by now had stood up with you and was reaching for his keys on his pocket. “You really don’t have to.”

“Oh I was already thinking about leaving, don’t worry.” he reassured you but you were pretty sure the idea never crossed his mind till you have decided to leave.

Your apartment wasn’t far from the house so in a couple of minutes Elias was parking his car in front of the door of your building. Throughout the night a feeling started slowly growing inside of you. You could tell he was a genuinely nice guy, he apologized and spent the rest of the day getting to know you, genuinely interested in everything you told him. It was clear a connection was starting to form between the two of you and neither wanted it to stop.

“Thank you for the ride. You really didn’t have to.” you said once again, eyes stuck on the windshield.

“It’s the least I could do after the whole misunderstanding the other day.” he replied and the car fell into a comfortable silence. You knew it was time to say goodbye, but part of you wished you didn’t have to. Elias was thinking the exact same. He knew what he wanted, he wanted to see you again, but he couldn’t find the words and a part of him doubted if you were just being friendly and it was all in his head.

“Are you going to our next home game next friday?”

“Maybe, I don’t know if Holly and Bo will ask me to go with Gunssey.”

“I mean you could go by yourself …” he started to say and made a pause to look at you, gathering the courage he needed before adding: “to see me.”

“Would you like me to go see you?” you asked, finally turning your head to look at him.

“Yeah I’d really like that.” he replied without missing a beat. The smile that appeared in your face the moment you heard his words made every last bit of doubt disappear inside Elias.

He started to lean into you, heart beating fast on his chest, holding your gaze. You raised your hand gently cupping his cheek and bringing him even closer. His eyes went from yours to your lips and back to your eyes. You were so close you were basically breathing each other's breath. But when your lips were about to touch he stopped and whispered: “You still haven’t answered.”

“I’d love to-” you let out between giggles. He didn’t even let you finish and was already connecting his lips to yours, unable to hold himself back any longer.

His lips were soft against yours, but determinate, setting the rhythm. It was a shy kiss, your first one of many to come. At some point you took off your seat belts to be more comfortable, only prolonging the moment. You’d stop to catch your breath with your foreheads touching, but the second your eyes connected again, go back to kissing, like you couldn’t get enough.

“I should go in, people are gonna start wondering why there’s been a sports car parked in the front door for the last couple minutes.” you joked, definitely pulling away from him but not daring to look at him because you knew if you did you were never getting out of the car. He leaned back on his seat, still in disbelief of everything that had happened. You looked at him one last time before you were about to get out of the car, and decided one last kiss wouldn’t hurt nobody.

He was surprised at first when he felt your hand sneak to the back of his neck, but smiled again into the kiss once he felt your lips connect to his. It took every bit of self control you had to pull away again and get off the car before.

“Friday then?” you said peeking your head through the open window of the car.

He nodded before adding: “And then we could go out? Have some dinner?”

“Sounds perfect.” You didn’t even try to hide the smile on your face.

“See you on friday then.”

“Goodbye Petey.” you said and he chuckled at how you had already started using the nickname his teammates had put him. He loved how it sounded coming from you.

“Goodbye Y/N.”

You turned around and started making your way to the building and Elias waited till you were in to drive away. You entered your apartment and let yourself fall on the couch, a loud chuckle scaping your lips just thinking about everything that had happened today. That bubbling feeling sill strong inside you, unable to take your mind off of the cute hockey player who couldn’t tell a nanny from a kidnapper.

-

i’ll tag those who asked for it and those who showed some interest on the fic (if i tagged and you didn’t just ignore this sorry)

taglist: @sorryjustafangirl​ @iwantahockeyhimbo​ @itshakiba​ @simpgirl-lat​ @mellany1997​ @stlbluesbrat​

also if you wanna be tagged whenever i post about petey or whenever i post a piece let me know!!

[brekkerism]

BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

 I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.  

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

 And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

 “So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

 “I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

 “O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

 “You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

 “No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

 “Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

 And I didn’t really want to.

 ****

 A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

 *****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

 And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my  mouth.

 Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

[blaqpanther]

What do you think about killing eve's finale, I'm just tired at this point. The quote should probably be disappointed but not surprised and yet I am once again

*SPOILERS*

This is my mood. Fury, disappointment, confusion. Sigh*

First of all I gotta say that perhaps the ending would have been bittersweet instead of just bitter had they not kept them apart for the entire season.

For better or worse (probably worse bc they had such an unhealthy dynamic) they chose one another on that bridge. Villanelle gave them both the chance to walk away (although let's be real, they've spent this entire show finding one another so that probably wouldn't have lasted anyways) and they both chose to turn around. They both chose to walk back to each other. They chose each other. Then.... what exactly??? BECAUSE THE SHOWRUNNER THIS YEAR INEXPLICABLY CHOSE TO NOT FUCKING TELL US WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE BRIDGE.

They went from chosing each other to open animosity and hostility. How the fuck did they get there?? They went from turning back around to Eve fucking some guy and Villanelle in a church somewhere? What? The season 3 finale PERFECTLY set up the two of them taking down The 12. I thought this season would be a race between Caroline, Helene and Villanelle and Eve trying to find and kill The 12. Instead Eve has enlisted the help of some random man we've never seen and Villanelle is trying to find faith in a God she doesn't believe in.

What was that??!?!?!

I spent this whole season scratching my head. What was the point of Pam?? Helene even? What was the point of that phone call from Konstantin's daughter? What was in the letter he gave to Caroline? Who killed Kenny? Why tf did Eve kill Caroline's ex lover? WHY, IN FOUR SEASONS, DID NO ONE SEE FIT TO HAVE A BACKGROUND EPISODE ON EVE??? The titular character!! I know that Caroline's daddy liked men but i don't know what Eve's maiden name is? Like, what?? Question after question unanswered.

This final season was nonsensical. This was it and they squandered it.

It just doesn't make sense to me to have this character who was an unfeeling sociopath begin to feel something and kill her. For better or worse, Eve was the first person in her life that made her feel anything at all. Like she said in that group session, she always just feels empty and numb. But as much as a sociopath can feel, she did with Eve. And it made her wanna try something different, be different. Be better.... for Eve. She chased redemption of some kind and found a bullet in her fucking back.

Finally I'll say that while I personally do not ship them together, I understand the fascination with them. I get it. I don't particularly care about them ended up together or not, however I care a great deal that after they did reconcile, one of them fucking died. It was an unnecessary (but not unexpected) end, but they could have been together throughout instead of needlessly being separated.

I'd like to remember them just like this. For better. For worse.

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[florenceisfalling]

currently sobbing my eyes out thinking about the fact that all my ex-friends from my old community moved on so easily without me, so when the last childhood best friend i had left stopped responding to me, i assumed she stopped caring about me too. but then we figured out the phone numbers just got mixed up and she IMMEDIATELY starting ranting about how she'd been thinking about me constantly, and jumped right back into rambling with me like when we were younger. her response to me thinking she was ignoring me on purpose was just "NO I LOVE YOU DUMMY" and she started dancing when she learned about my college plans bc she was so excited for me. and now i get to see her again on sunday, and she's already making plans to go to the river with me for the first time in so long

thinking about how the same kid who played with me on the floor of the church by my house when we were toddlers is the kid who rambled with me at a football game and told me about my now-favorite-musical & the kid who hiked through a ravine with me when we were sweating through our clothes & the kid who sat through a wild round of convention cosplay chess with me until 3 am & the kid who got slushees with me after that Still-Favorite-Musical & the kid who i had my first kiss with & the kid i am head over heels for & the kid who treats me with more love than i deserve

thinking about how my dad's old boss and my piano teacher i haven't seen in years and the woman who taught me in third grade all have checked up on me and talked to me and visited me in the past month, treating me like i am a close friend rather than just a small part of their life that came and went

thinking about how the boy at my school who is known for being oh-so-serious, who always keeps up appearances, who hates seeming vulnerable, who doesn't even give his sister hugs (only handshakes)... still held onto me and lets me mess with his hair and told me his secrets and learned how to recognize when i needed someone to talk to and told me he'd do "anything for [my] friendship" and told me i was one of the few people he trusted to talk to about certain things

thinking about how one of my friends has tolerated every dumb fuckign moment of mine for the past four years, even back when they said an average of about 2 words a day and i said about 4 million. thinking about how i went from scared of them and confused on if they would ever really even sPEAK to me, to having them over at my brother's place playing uno and talking about needlessly personal bullshit with me literally constantly

thinking about how two of my best friends call me mom, even though one of them is older than me, because they love me and they trust me to try to take care of them. thinking about how they're constantly rambling to me about stories and ideas, calling me on facetime just to show me makeup they did, sending me every writing wip and oc picrew they make, because they care about my input and they consider me a source of happy thoughts. i think i would set myself on fire to keep them even a little bit cozy

i'm not trying to be poetic or whatever i just can't stop crying, man. a huge part of my life felt scarred with this big, gaping wound of isolation and betrayal and abandonment and loneliness, to the point where it wasn't just a part of my history, but also a part of my identity. i didn't think i would ever be able to move past it. i didn't even think i could live with it. but like... people care. people care about me more than i can really even understand or put in words, more than i will ever deserve. this was intended to be a private rant but i think i'll put it out there just because i know that shit is tough and life can feel so fucking heavy. and i hated saying "it gets better" because i didn't believe it entirely. but holy shit, does life smack you upside the head with the kindest damn things sometimes!!!! i didn't know i could feel this loved. i didn't know it was possible. i think it's God. maybe it's smthn else. i'm just totally absolutely in love with the people around me right now

[helenaklein]

Heya, i come across your blog while talking about nelroche etc. I never know anything about l&l since i never play lovestruck, can someone give explanation which part that is similiar? While idk anything about lovestruck, I found their previous work also has similiar with manga yana of the dawn (which i have read the manga, and yes, they are pretty similiar to called it just coincidence).

okay so fair warning... this is long as fuck because there are more similarities than there are differences lol. also as a disclaimer i’m only invested in this whole thing insofar as it entertains me but if the “””””creators””””” want to fight me because i wrote this post.... they’re welcome to but i promise i’ll have more fun than they will lmfao

l&l’s about a young woman from a major city in our world who one day gets sucked via magical portal into a fantasy world filled with magic and races that are only fiction in ours. once there, she gets mistaken for their most notorious war criminal, an insanely powerful witch who committed a genocide and is center of a cult of worshipers willing to kill and die for her.

this is nelroche’s description, straight from their devblog:

now, if it was a matter of similar basic premises and setups, i’d write it off as coincidence and tell the anons who made me aware of this that i thought they were overreacting. after all, “normal-human sucked into medieval world” and even “mistaken identity” are both very well established tropes that have been done and done again and will continue to be done because many find it compelling. hell, i do too. honestly, if the devs had simply said that they drew inspiration from love & legends, i’d have understood.

but.

the similarities only begin there. and they only get more excessive. coupled with their adamant denial that they’ve never even read it....... it’s just not possible lmfao. even if they decided to change the physical appearances of the characters, the tropes behind them and their personalities are exactly the same.

the nelroche demo has:

1) the lord of a region who’s a massive workaholic to the point of self-detriment, but is very caring towards their people and their inner circle and whom everyone in the group has referred to as a parental figure.

aka.... l&l’s reiner wolfson, who’s described directly from the app as “Reiner is a fair and compassionate ruler who would defend the people of the human domain with his life.”

2) the prickly knight to said lord, who’s fiercely dedicated to their liege, very serious in personality along with stubborn and prideful, but cares deep down once you get past their walls.

literally l&l’s august falke. the demo describes them, literally as “...reminds me of the knights in the fairy tales, except, it seems, not quite as charming” whereas august’s in-app description reads “This knight in shining armor is more aggressive than the story books led you to believe...” I’ll let the similarities there speak for themselves.... lol

3) the energetic and bubbly mage who’s super tiny compared to their companions and avoids serious discussion, who happens to be a bit of a trickster and has a mysterious quality.

l&l’s altea bellerose but make it less pink! altea and “C”s similarities go even deeper but i’ll get into that a bit later.

4) the mysterious and heterochromatic-eyed figure who’s distrustful and initially stand-offish as a result of living through a life of hardship, that is excitable and actually loves to travel.

look no further than l&l’s saerys! M’s eyes are “ocean blue and purple” compared to his blue and red, but don’t let that difference fool you! their introductions are laughably similar (more on that later)... and the “travel” bit lmfao. not to be mean but they couldn’t at least change up his hobbies? come on now, work for that plagiarized bag!

5) the lazy and flirtatious one who’d rather spent their days joking and taking it easy than handling their many responsibilities, who does care but shows it in ways unconventional.

just because their hair is grey instead of white doesn’t mean it’s not l&l’s iseul idreis, babes! i’d know that endlessly frustrating man anywhere! lovestruck’s app description for him reads: “The elven prince is beautiful and cunning with a silver tongue, but his lackadaisical lifestyle leaves much to be desired”. corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures they’re the same dot jpg.

6) the complicated and slender blonde who wields both blade AND magic, whose eyes glow, whose power is deemed dangerous, who wears shades of blue, AND is initially described as cold? who seems like she wants to beat the hell out of her compatriots, who she seems to lead, and whose outfit is needlessly complicated?

you think i don’t know a knock off helena klein when i see one???? ME???????? helena’s in-app description LITERALLY reads “cold as ice” and “wielding both sword and sorcery with ruthless precision”!!!!! of alllllllllll the things i’m most offended by this one motherfucker you can’t just fuck around with helena on a whim okay this shit is personal now!!!!!!

7) the creepy, predatory, and combative pale-but-tanned-but-murky-skinned dude who wears robes and a creepy beast mask.

l&l’s jinhai jubal i know it’s you!!!! actually this is probably the funniest thing of the whole situation to me bc this dev decided to remove not-alain as a love interest and seemingly replace him with not-jinhai. secondary poster you a hilarious bitch i’m not gonna lie.

(here’s jinhai in his mask lmfao)

8) the mouse-looking man who seems not as confident as not-helena and not-jinhai, wears full armor AND a double-sided sword strapped to his back.

none other than l&l’s alain richter, back from the dead! im gonna let the next image speak for itself.

still with me? i sure hope so bc it really gets juicy now!!!!! the similarities don’t end with the characters!!!! no, no, no!!!! the plot and progression of the demo are identical to that of l&l’s pilot episode, beat for beat.

in the l&l pilot episode, after the mc stumbles through the portal and into the medieval town, she’s almost immediately accosted by august, a rude mf who essentially acts not very knight-like despite his appearance and forces her into the nearby castle’s dungeon.

once inside the dungeon, the l&l mc is approached by a figure with hetero-chromatic eyes, who seems intrigued and confused by the mc’s lack of knowledge about the fantasy world.

once that person leaves, in comes a bubbly woman who seems to be floating. she asks mc if she’s ready to get out of the dungeon, and mc is like!!!! finally someone willing to help me. only..... uh oh.... she takes her to her lord instead of freeing her, wtf!!!!

once brought to the lord, who seems much more calm and reasonable than his high-strung and feisty knight, he listens to mc’s story and seems to believe her somewhat, but doesn’t want to risk his people.

(he’s even standing at the window LMFAOOOOOOOOO)

then the last remaining figure (iseul) playfully suggests that the lord (reiner) allow the mc to pick which among the group she’d like to guard her while they all determine whether or not she’s being truthful about not knowing anything. this is literally! literally! LITERALLY! how the PILOT EPISODE! of LOVE AND LEGENDS! ENDS!

ARE YOU SERIOUS LMFAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO. going through all this is literally fucking HILARIOUS to me like ak;sdfjadsfkl;asdfjlasdf how BOLD and BRAVE do you have to be to so blatantly rip something off and then deny even ever encountering what you stole from adsfkjldfasdfkasd,f. i’m not even super mad bc like.... i torment voltage for funsies. but! LMAO!!!!!!!!

lastly..... as an added bonus to all of the juicy, juicy evidence above. l&l mc has a best friend in the “real”, modern world, who inexplicably has a lookalike in the fantasy world. well..... would you believe it if i told you that the nelroche has one just like it???

that’s right! even sophie and solaire made the plagiarism cut! gotta love those girlies, i’m so happy for them :)

the end!

[humanmosquito]

this is definitely gonna be a ramble-y post but i’ll neaten it when i’m done. (edit:  didn’t really but I’m sick of this sitting here already)

I’ve put this under a cut for obvious reasons. There’s more things I didn’t like about this book but I forgot most of the plot immediately after reading it.

Given the usual time skips in Clare’s work you’d think this would be 6 months down the line and Livvy would have been completely forgotten about and is mentioned sporadically to motivate the main characters. 

I’m not really buying the shock of Livvy’s sudden death i would say Clare’s done a job here and she’s certainly tried, but i’m not buying it.

Her treatment of Gay Characters (capitalisation necessary) is bad but so much worse with Alec than any others and i hate reading about her Alec bc of the way she infantilises him. Also has Clare seriously not found any way to solve problems in her own fictional universe without constantly reintroducing the same guy??? (who is also just a bunch of stereotypes of queer men) (Magnus)

you don’t need to use two separate images to describe people moving in the background, it’s fine.

why is Christina using Spanish pet names when we’ve never seen her using Spanish conversationally before? also, ( and this is a very specific thing to to be so worked up about like 4 years after i read it the first time) but why do whatshisname and Christina have to talk in English instead of implying the conversation was in Spanish but had been translated or even mention it at all? (okay, coming back in later to say that she does use Spanish randomly in this book, Clare has a habit of making Latine characters use Spanish randomly to show they’re Latine.

isn’t Mark 20 or something? I’m legitimately confused about these lines.

there’s no need to suddenly start using fancier language for two whole sentences. also you can just say she visited a wax museum or even Just Madame Tussaud’s (which i’m guessing is the place we’re talking about). also: why is all the dialogue in this book so stiff and overly formal? I know they’re in shock and some of them are functionally strangers but it’s still so off from how people normally speak. (I’m willing to excuse the faerie characters because everyone who writes faeries makes them speak super flowery but that’s it)

there’s no break between Mark and Helen’s POV.

 I’m pretty sure than Simon is secular, why is he suddenly sprouting hebrew? (CC makes no effort to show him engaging with judaism in any form and has him Christmas shopping at one point in tmi)

wouldn’t that make it much easier to break in? (this is needlessly pedantic, I know)

A lot of people said that Emma just becomes a way to talk about how amazing Julian is and I’m beginning to see that. She focuses on the sound he makes walking along a hallway way too much. (Also: coming back a week later to add that Julian just gets worse and worse and for a character that we’re supposed to love(?), he has absolutely no redeeming qualities.)

Doesn’t witchlight only light up when a shadowhunter is holding it? I remember that from TID.

The rally with Dearborn feels like an attempt at the bit at the beginning of 1984 where they’re watching the propaganda video and the woman is crying out for big brother. also, there’s no way to write people chanting someone’s name that doesn’t make it feel like mediocre fanfiction, huh? The whole scene is very over the top and not at all like the actual process of radicalisation. 

who thinks like this? Who thinks about themself like this?

The descriptions of the shadowhunters at the funeral are weird. Emma is described as putting on gear then wearing a dress, Christina has a gear jacket over a dress and Ty is in full gear.

she’s not even being subtle about stealing plot points from the tv show, is she?

why does she keep choosing random words to translate into Spanish? It isn’t necessary unless the word also means a specfic type of that word. A vela isn’t a specific type of candle, that’s just the Spanish word for candle. 

Doesn’t Jonathon Shadowhunter creating runes go against tsc canon? No one could make new runes except Clary because of her extra angel blood. (I should know, I read the fucking Shadowhunter codex). (there are more instances of CC creating thing that go against canon but i kinda got bored of making this list after here)

(I know the answer to this one is just CC’s incest fetish but) Why did everybody just let Christina get engaged to her cousin?

I have to say that my suspension of disbelief lasted longer than I thought it would but it ends with Julian killing a Rider with a D&D figurine.

The whole Thule bit feels like it was copy-pasted from ao3 (While we’re on the subject of copied from ao3 “Ragnor Fell lives” is such a “saw it on Tumblr” cop out)

how did the cohort get Jaime? It’s not explained and I wish it was.

Julian sucks. capital-S Sucks. For the guy Emma is facing Losing her Shadowhunter life for and going into exile for, he’s a dick, with emotions he comes off as creepy, over-sexed and obsessed. Without he’s somehow even worse.

Zara calling Cl*ce disgusting and being called wrong for it is such an obvious dig at the people who criticised Clare when she wrote them nearly fucking in a ditch when they thought they were bio siblings. (I’m p sure they’re also adopted siblings and they consider the same man their dad, so it would still be incest.) 

Also, she’s so one-dimensional and every scene with her, especially in the last 1/2 of the book was exactly the same. (emma attacks her but decides to let her go which was a ~mistake~ with consequences (consequences being “we see Zara again”))

It's not even a subtle D*mbl*dore's Army rip-off, huh?

I take back all the things I thought about Clare improving as a writer, chapter 33 makes literally no sense, also cannot do dialogue or consistent characterisation. (how did any of these get published, TMI especially)

Once again, Clare seems to be stealing plot points from the TV show. (Of course there’s going to be some overlap between the show and books even after it diverged from book canon but it’s getting pretty ridiculous at this point, isn’t it?). 

Okay, every woc in this book is here to further the white protagonists’ story (which i guess is the purpose of supporting characters but the white supporting characters do fuck all) And i get they have their own love interests but it was super forced (don’t @ me for this, Kierarktina had potential but it was all rushed in the second half of this book because Clare realised what a cash cow it was)

Diana gets a little tropey (Speaking as a trans person) but her treatment b Vlare and the other characters was okay. I do wish she was allowed more personality than “no one can love me or know me because I’m trans” (it’s stupid and overused) and “helps the Blackthorns and Emma”. (also Clare knows that you don’t stop taking HRT, right? it isn’t a limited course, it’s not Gender-Changing Antibiotics.)

My final thing is that it went on way too long, like, insufferably long. (you’d think long enough to explain some plot holes, but no.)

[kyrrahbird]

Ky’s 琅琊榜 Nirvana in Fire/Lang Ya Bang liveblog experience

EPISODE 2

[prev] | [next]

Time for episode 2!! the one you should really stick around for!! Altho ill be honest, episode 3 is when it really really gets going. this ep is still introducing more major characters LMAO

We left ep 1 finding out about a competition for Nihuangs hand. thank god ep 2 picks up with a discussion about that

The princess is a marquess general rank and has made it on to the Langya martial list

have i mentioned i LOVE HER

unfortunately the emperor is very paranoid

(summary of the whole drama)

and Nihuang is apparently too powerful. hes trying to limit her power with marriage

HIM

I love this intro. Crunchy knuckles man

Bamf and ominous!!

little did I know!!

They also casually drop that Xie Yu controls the capitol patrol guards

i sure do hope that doesnt become relevant later

I still do not like prince yu. hes trying to control Nihuang :(

Mei Changsu has disappeared!! Right under their noses!!

He’s already delighting me

“Even though Fei Liu has mental insufficiencies, he has a good temperament” I CACKLED

MY FACE TOO

Great father-figure, just letting hes souped-up superhero kid wander wherever

But thats okay, we now get to see Commander Meng and Fei Liu battle it out

Fei Liu is HORRIFIED that there might be someone he cant beat

All the fight scenes serve multiple purposes too. Xie Yu is Judging™

Commander Meng “I wouldn’t have dared say I could have won within a hundred moves” 

Cut to Xie Yu’s double take 

SOMETHING CLICKED

you used the Su Zhe alias for like 1 day tops and its already nearly useless

It’s solely to confuse first time watchers

Fei Liu being depressed against a pole im dying

(MCS said he couldnt have beaten Commander Meng)

Im not making a comment about that quote

youre making a comment about that quote

But Xie Bi is onto MCS secret and runs straight to prince yu, while Xie Yu runs straight to the crown prince LMOA

So predictable

“Openly yet discretely took discretely took up residence in my househole”

Yeah it wasnt that discreet 

Also love how Xie Yu goes “yeah no we’re probably gonna have to kill him”

OH

HEY GUESS WHOS FINALLY HERE

YEAH

THE OTHER MAIN CHARACTER

PRINCE JING. JINGYAN. MY PRINCEEEEE

i love how hes just so,,, fucking blunt

and terse

absolutely no social niceties

Xia Dong just stares off into the middle distance and refuses to acknowledge him

Priceless

“This wouldnt be another big conspiracy case would it?”

THATS SO DANG POINTED

i didnt even know what was going on the first time and i still figured out that was a pointed dig. Xia Dong’s look of outrage is priceless

AND THEN HE JUST FUCKS OFF

So Lin Xie (our mc’s dad) apparently killed Xia Dongs husband and that was part of this whole big Chiyan conspiracy that resulting in the army being massacred and mcs falling off a cliff and not dying

But Prince Jing and Nihuang dont believe it. dun dun dunnnn

I remember the first time i watched this and i had the thought that this dude is just. dead inside

I was not wrong

His life sucks rn

And his father and brothers are making him stand outside for hours

thank god for gao zhan the eunuch

His dad FORGOT about him

His brothers piss me off soooo much. i can just see his desire to sink into the floor and/or throttle them both and I CONCUR

And here we have Jingyan’s mother!!!

The real mvp of the show

shes also absolutely gorgeous

And sad that her son didnt visit :((((

Jingrui protecting mcs from his mother and the empress is precious and absolutely breaks my heart

“There’s nothing moral about needlessly placing a friend in a difficult position” AAAAAAA

The thing i loved was that foreshadowing was always evident (through the music and stress and long stares) even if u had no idea what was being foreshadowed 

They’re deliberately late to the fight show so that they dont end up in the boring procession

We (briefly) see Mu Qing who is Nihuang’s lil bro and a Whole Idiot. I love him

But then we get the gr8 scene of the Crown Prince and Prince Yu blatantly jockeying for MCS’s favour

MCS manages to deftly deflect all their gifts

its incredible

Yujin and Jingrui are just looking on like o_o’’’

ooooh no

we’re going to meet the grand dowager empress (the emperors grandmother)

;;A;; IM GONNA CRY

“She is the most peaceful grandmother on earth” oooo my heart

I LOVE THIS bc i was not entirely clear on the family relation here the first time but i still knew EXACTLY what this meant to mcs

THAT MUSIC

she doesnt remember any of them ;;n;;;

HIS EYEEEES

SHE CALLS HIM XIAO-SHU

AAAAAA

u just know this is important. that this recognition is everything hes lost (his family, his friends, his fiance)

but his great grandmother still recognises him

She remembered his favourite sweet too TAT

oh no

and MCS grips nihuang’s hand!!!

Jingrui had to remind him to leave

im so sad :((((( 

I feel bad for his great grandmother;;;

And then he goes back to lying

Why you always lyyyyinggggg

Nihuang asking the pertinent questions like “why tf would you come to the capital, where all the politics are, to REST?”

She may have a point

This ep ends with a slave boy being whipped when spills a bucket of water :000

Which means next ep is the MEETING

I said this one would be shorts and it....nearly is. Apparently i have a lot of thots on Every Scene /surprised pikachu face. 

[petersmparker]

Luck (Peter Parker x Reader)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Out of all the things you could have guessed might happen at Flash’s party, this wasn’t one of them.

Word Count: 3749

A/N: hey uhhhhhhh did I mention that I’m a fucking sucker for Peter and Flash becoming weird vaguely confusing bros by the time senior year rolls around bc i am. anyway have fun with this Almost Spicy fic cause ya bitch was in the mood to write character interactions and General Nonsense

You had told Peter that something was going to happen at the party. No matter what you did, you couldn’t talk yourself out of the feeling that something– though you didn’t know what– would occur. Things never really go the way you’d expect when you’re with Peter, after all. Surprises follow him wherever he goes, as you’ve learned these past few years, and to attempt to expect any one outcome is silly.

To be honest, you’ve never really truly gotten used to that.

It’s just beginning to become dark and chilly outside when Peter’s old beater pulls up to the curb outside Flash Thompson’s house. Colored lights flash through the windows and the sound of music blares out the open front door. When you climb out of the passenger seat, Flash’s voice calls through the speakers, riling up the party crowd.

“This is giving me a bad feeling,” you sigh, somewhat nervously, as you adjust your skirt and tug the front of your blouse down a bit.

Figures you’ve worn the one that inches up over your chest weird. Damn it. You should just go home.

The door to the back seat slams shut, the hinges squeaking in protest. “Come on, Ned, you’re gonna take the door off,” Peter scolds lightly, making his way around to stand next to you, “This thing’s older than you.”

“Sorry, car,” Ned says quickly, before throwing his arm around your shoulders, “Anyway, you say that every time. I think it’ll be fun.”

“I guess,” you submit, and deliver a pat to his back, “I know Flash has really toned the attitude down since sophomore year, but I’ll never get used to showing up to these things.”

Ned drops his arm and starts heading up the walkway. Again, Flash’s voice rings out with a Make some noise, Midtown Tech!, followed by a blaring air horn. You stifle a laugh. The sound effect has always been hilarious and always will be. Of all his DJ-ing habits, it’s the only one you’ve never completely hated. It eases some of your tension.

Objectively, you know it’ll be fine. You, Peter, and Ned have gone to these before and enjoyed yourselves. It’s really just a matter of finding a nice spot with low traffic and a good line of sight for the spectacle. Maybe a bowl of chex mix. You’re simple folks.

But even so, you’ve got the feeling that something is going to happen tonight. You can’t tell if it’ll be good or bad. The anticipation is uncomfortable. You adjust you shirt again.

God damn it.

You catch Peter’s line of sight following your hands as you attempt to casually yank your shirt back into place by the hem that’s supposed to be just below your chest. It’s a bit awkward. You catch his eye, and he blushes, looking apologetic. You don’t blame him, because you know you look silly. Calling him out on it seems equally silly because of it.

He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders without mentioning the exchange.

“Let’s go before we lose Ned,” he suggests, and leads you down the pathway to the porch.

Your friend has already made it inside. There is a group of people gathered in the entryway, looking up the stairway. You can see a dude from the soccer team crammed inside a plastic bin on the top step.

“They’re gonna push him down, I think,” Ned supplies, somewhat needlessly, when Peter taps his shoulder to let him know you’ve caught up.

“Boy, I hope,” you respond, “I don’t need to be a witness, though.”

“Onward then,” says Peter, amusedly.

As you move on into the large living room, a series of bangs and hollering comes from behind.

“Nice,” Ned says, appreciatively, as he continues to watch while walking away.

Flash has set up his equipment across the room on a raised platform in front of the fireplace. Like every other time you see it, you wonder what the actual purpose of that landing is, besides being a stage for Flash’s moderately sick beats to be thrown six times a year. He’s bent over a set of turntables, one hand holding his headphones in place as he rocks in place. After a moment, he looks up to address the crowd.

He sees that your group has arrived, and it’s not hard to guess what’s coming.

“Hey, Penis Parker!” He shouts, slamming the air horn button a few times, and adding a booing sound effect for good measure.

Peter smiles and waves good-naturedly. The old jokes don’t quite have the effect that they used to, nor are they intended to. Flash waves back and looks down to his table again. He announces that the next tune is for the new arrivals, and transitions into an obnoxious, yet highly amusing and catchy song that had been frequented by the academic team as of late.

So far, so good.

With no small amount of luck, you discover a loveseat and an armchair that are free from partygoers and are quick to snatch them up for yourselves. Ned throws himself into the chair and you take it upon yourself to sprawl across the sofa. Peter ducks into the crowd and toward the direction of the kitchen in order to secure snacks to hold the group over.

The likelihood that you’ll leave this spot is minimal, aside from maybe a dance or two once goaded into it by a jeering crowd, spurned on by the host. The three of you enjoy parties best when approaching them more casually.

Peter reappears several minutes later with two bowls of salty snacks and three drinks balanced in his arms. Unexpectedly, he also brings with him another person. MJ follows closely behind, allowing him to do the work of pushing through the dancers, and greets you and Ned.

“I found her searching the kitchen cabinets,” Peter explains, arranging the snacks on the coffee table and taking his designated spot to your left.

“That’s not weird at all,” Ned responds, taking a drink from his red plastic cup.

Michelle shifts the contents of the table so that she can sit on it. “I’ll keep these oreos to myself then, Ned.”

“I think you’re perfectly valid,” you grin, and are awarded with a cookie, “Everyone knows that the good shit doesn’t get offered until the after party.”

It’s still innately bizarre that you’ve even attended these after parties, even a year after you’ve entered this perpetually weird snarky-friendship circle with Flash, but that’s beside the point.

“If anyone asks, we didn’t take them,” she asserts.

Peter laughs and takes a handful of chex mix from the nearest bowl. “You can’t coerce me into dishonesty,” he says.

As he speaks, he selects a rye chip from his bounty and holds it in front of your face. You eat it immediately, without question. He loves the rye chips, but knows that they’re your favorite.

“Yeah she can,” echoes all three of you, and Peter shoots you a playful look of betrayal.

With the addition of MJ, it’s decently easy to drift through conversations despite being in the center of a rowdy and distracting house. Drifters join the conversation for short periods of time before being dragged back to the main excitement. Even Flash, taking a break from his DJ-ing, stops by.

“Those are for the after party,” he says, sounding entirely unsurprised as he points to the pack of oreos in Michelle’s lap.

She squints back at him. “What is?”

“Alright, cool, I hate you all,” he responds, sounding way too chill for such a statement.

He claps his palm against Peter’s in a friendly gesture before walking off.

“See you there!” Ned calls to his back.

Flash has already disappeared into the crowd, but his middle finger appears above everyone’s heads.

“Still weird,” you feel compelled to point out.

“Yep,” Peter agrees, throwing his arm back around your shoulders, “Still weird. Do you think he’d be like this if he didn’t know I was Spider-Man?”

“Absolutely fucking not. Not at all,” Michelle says without a second of thought.

She’s probably right.

Of course, Ned hadn’t been bluffing about going to the after party. Technically it’s an attend-with-invitation type of thing, but it’s a bit of an uncommunicated agreement that your group is invited nowadays. The bulk of the party filters out as it gets late, leaving much of the academic team and a smattering of other friends of Flash.

You figure that you know what to expect. A continuation of what your group does during the actual party, except now all the attendees are gathered in a loose circle to participate in the conversation. Maybe a card-based party game; normally an inappropriate one. The usual.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before the usual was disrupted.

When Peter is around, that’s bound to happen. He’s a beacon of off-luck. Not bad per se, but not what you’re planning for. After no more than thirty minutes of the comfortable environment you’re so used to, Flash offers to break out a game.

“Not again,” groans a girl whose name you haven’t learned despite having seen her at around three of these events, “We do that every time.”

“What else would we do?” Flash demands around a mouthful of chips, looking a bit offended, since he loves the usual game.

“We’re practically graduating,” says another girl, who is looking around the room like some kind of predatory bird.

Her gaze lands on Peter. You realize very suddenly how much you don’t like that. Without thinking, you shift closer to him. He doesn’t notice, but her eyes sharpen. It’s with a supremely uncomfortable feeling in your stomach that you realize that you’re acting possessive. It’s not like you’re dating, really.

“When are we gonna play something more mature?” She questions, moving her sight away. “Seven minutes.”

MJ scoffs. “I’m pretty sure that anyone who thinks seven minutes in heaven is mature is inherently immature.”

“Yeah, alright, fine. Who’s in?” Flash says, as casually as if she’d suggested a game of Monopoly.

Aside from you and your group, everyone else seems to be willing. And here, you were starting to think that there was the slightest amount of normalcy in your inclusion here. You wonder what in god’s name they’re thinking. Who the hell wants to be shoved into a closet and forced to feel up a friend?

“I’m out,” MJ declares, looking unapologetic, “Wouldn’t exactly say I’m suited to this game.”

Flash shoots her a finger gun. “Support your local ace,” he says, which you assume is supposed to be nice, “You’re in charge of the timer.”

“Whatever,” she responds, and exits the circle to sit off to the side, taking a bowl of chips with her.

You shift in your seat, about to join her, when an empty bottle is tossed into your lap. “You start,” says the girl who’d suggested the game.

She’s expecting you to chicken out, you realize. It’s beyond childish, but the idea of it makes you angry. It makes you want to play, just to spite her. You wonder at what point she decided to pursue your best friend, and at what point someone pursuing your best friend became an issue for you.

Who are you kidding?

You glance at Ned, who looks awkward, but it doesn’t seem like he’s leaving unless you and Peter do. And Peter– well, his expression is unreadable. There’s a flash of something in his eyes when you meet them, but you don’t want to consider it. Too much is going on in your head already.

With maybe a little too much force, you slap the bottle down on the table and spin it. It turns for an eternity, approximately, before it begins to slow. You couldn’t physically feel any more uncomfortable, you think, when it eventually slows to a stop. It’s pointing at Flash.

He looks about as uncomfortable as you feel. “Hold on,” he says, throwing up his hands, “I don’t like that.”

“Thanks,” you say sarcastically, despite your wholehearted agreement.

“Respin,” he demands, pushing the bottle away.

“Coward!” Exclaims MJ.

You make a mental note to have a conversation with her about timing and context, because it seems her sense of both need work. To much jeering from several members of the group, Flash insists on a respin anyway. He does, however, agree to just suck it up and sit in the closet quietly for seven minutes with the next person he doesn’t want to kiss. It’s a dodged bullet, but now you’ve got to go again. As if the anxiety of the first time wasn’t enough.

Chest tightening, you spin it again, just as hard. The room watches excitedly, but you’re feeling nothing but dread. Regret has hit you already. You shouldn’t have allowed yourself to get caught up in this. It wasn’t your business if some girl wanted to kiss Peter in some cramped, dusty closet.

You’re so busy berating yourself for acting ridiculous that you almost fail to recognize the verdict that befalls you. The room erupts in hollering before it even fully stops spinning. Peter tenses next to you.

It’s pointing at him.

“Closet!” Flash exclaims over the excitement of the group, arm thrown out in the direction on a door in the hallway, “Let’s go! Come on!”

“You can’t come, Flash, you said you didn’t want to kiss her,” Peter quips, but his voice has taken on that tone that you know for a fact is a bluff.

He’s not nearly as calm as he’s trying to sound.

Flash’s hand comes down hard against Peter’s ass when he attempts to scoot by. Peter yelps, looking scandalized. Flash ushers him forward. “Watch it, Parker! You know what I meant. Get in there!”

Heart and mind racing, you lift yourself out of your seat. The girl who’d started this mess gives you a venomous look. You can’t bring yourself to deal anything back to her.

What have you done?

Peter and Flash are already at the closet when you finally shuffle your way over. MJ is just behind you, looking only vaguely apologetic. She knows you got yourself into this. Her phone is ready with a seven minute countdown. There’s shuffling in the living room as everyone begins to make their way excitedly toward the spot where your life will momentarily end. Vultures.

Flash steps into the closet and snatches a little key off a small hook just inside the door. When he exits, he pushes Peter’s shoulder and sends him stumbling inside. He’s polite enough not to attempt to shove you. It would be a lot easier to get on with this if he did, though.

“Lights on, lights off, I don’t care,” he says as you step in. “Don’t make a mess. This is where we keep the nice coats. Dry cleaning is expensive.”

The door slams in your face before you can protest against his insinuations. There’s the distinct sound of the lock clicking, and Michelle calls through the door that the timer is started.

Peter reaches up to pull the chain that operates the overhead light, and you nearly jump out of your skin. Your back hits the door. “Oh, shit!” Someone says on the other side, and you feel your face heat up even more than it already has.

Peter gives you a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Should have warned you,” he says.

You glance around. To the right are the aforementioned “nice coats” that you very much want to ruin just to spite Flash. Behind Peter are several sets of shelves with various odds and ends. To your left, a waist-high cabinet that contains who-knows-what. You guess it’s not that cramped, or dusty. Whatever.

Peter shifts awkwardly where he stands. Neither of you say anything for what feels like a year, but it’s probably more like a minute. “Don’t forget to breathe,” Flash’s voice drifts through the door, teasingly.

“Mind your business,” you shout back without thinking.

Both the laughter and Peter’s expression alerts you to the fact that that was not the correct thing to say. He chuckles, too. His smile makes your chest hurt, so you look away just as quickly as you had begun. Again, you reach up to adjust your blouse.

He takes your hand. “Hey,” he says softly, stepping closer, bending to catch your eye, “Nothing has to happen. We can just wait it out.”

You can’t help but narrow your eyes at his phrasing. You keep your voice low too, in the hopes that the peanut gallery outside can’t hear. “Has to happen?” You question, “Sounds like there’s the option for something to happen, if I feel like it.”

“Isn’t there?” Peter asks.

Oh.

Oh.

You want to respond so badly. The words can barely even form in your mind, let alone making it all the way to your mouth and out into the world. What response is there to finding out that your best friend, whom you’ve maybe been trying not to fall in love with for a long time now, wants to kiss you if given the opportunity? Is there one?

Yes, you think, finally. There is.

Peter’s still holding your hand. You take advantage of it and pull him forward, your free hand coming up to wrap around the back of his neck. When you pull him to you and press your lips against his, it’s soft. You’re jittery beyond belief, but you’re not rushing this moment. It’s a simple kiss, lasting only a few seconds. You can feel his smile.

When you pull back, you’re greeted with a grin that’s almost familiar. But there’s something different there, something you’re not accustomed to seeing in his expression. He’s still close enough for his breath to be hot against your face.

Peter kisses you again. This time is far more desperate, more excited. His hands come up to either side of your head, angling you to gain better access to your mouth. You’re backed up against the door as he moves in even closer to you. The impact, while minimal, elicits an amused gasp from you.

He takes advantage of your open mouth to introduce tongue. Every part of your body lights on fire. You clutch his shoulder, feeling dizzy, and delight in this new experience. It’s genuinely unfair how good he is at this, considering his lack of practice.

He pulls away just enough to kiss the underside of your jaw, and you jolt in surprise. The door shakes with your movement. Outside, the crowd gets a little rowdier for a moment.

Shit, you mouth, slapping a hand against your forehead. It’s so embarrassing.

Peter is more flushed now then ever, but he continues on, braver than you’ve ever been. Without any warning, he hooks his hands around your thighs and hoists you up onto the cabinet. Incredibly, the movement isn’t nearly as loud as you figure it could have been. His mouth slots back against yours within a fraction of a second.

You feel his hands drift across your waist, not touching skin, but definitely examining the curve of your hips. He presses his body closer, flush with the cabinet, and your legs spread to accommodate him. One hand finds its way into your hair, sending an involuntary twitch down your spine.

The door clicks unlocked.

You freeze. Peter doesn’t. In a millisecond, he’s back to the other side of the closet. By the time the door swings open, he’s managed to cross his arms as if he’d been standing there comfortably the whole time. You can’t bear to look at the people in the doorway, so you stare, hard, at his face instead. The possibility that you might give away what’s just occurred is a bit too much to bear.

Peter’s face is redder than you’ve ever seen, blush spreading down across his neck. He had turned toward the door when it opened, his expression struggling to hold some sense of calm. He had been too caught up in it all to care who was outside while the door was closed, you know, but neither of you really want it to be confirmed in front of god and everyone that he’s thoroughly ravished you in the nice coat closet.

As fast as you can without making eye contact, you look at the intruders, who are still attempting to assess what had occurred moments before. It occurs to you that maybe they hadn’t actually expected any kind of follow-through in this scenario. To be fair, the likelihood had seemed terribly minimal. Even with such a quick glance, you can tell they aren’t sure what did or didn’t happen.

“Who’s next?” Peter offers up, sounding embarrassed and very much like he’d like to move on, but still managing to at least look like he hadn’t been about ten seconds from doing something extra inappropriate.

Your thighs are still spread almost enough for it to be a legitimately horrifying issue. When you risk another look, you see MJ squinting at them. The desire to shut them is strong, but you figure it’d be easier to pass it off as being unladylike if you don’t act like you’re embarrassed by it.

What a nightmare.

“That was quick,” you say in an attempt to end the awkward silence.

Peter reaches his hand out to you. Taking it, you hop down onto the floor. You move toward the door to leave, but the crowd doesn’t disperse to let you through.

“What was the banging on the door?” Questions Flash, staring suspiciously at Peter.

Because he’s a terrible liar, you answer instead. “Bang one was Peter scaring the shit out of me by turning on the light, bang two was me trying to get up onto this fucking cabinet. I’m short, dude. Get lower furniture.”

Mercifully, they accept it as a legitimate answer. The crowd parts with a distinguished air of disappointment. Peter brushes his hand across your back when you move to leave the closet together. Before you even have time to worry about what’s happened, his smile assures you.

Later, parked in the driveway of your house long after Ned has been dropped off, Peter pulls away from you mid-kiss and shoots you the most smug expression you’ve ever seen on his face.

“And someone had a bad feeling about that party.”

You kiss the stupid look off his face, trying not to laugh.

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Jealousy’s a Sickness, Ch. 2

Well, well, well, look what’s back, finally? Bet y’all thought I forgot about this story, huh? Well SIKE! I DID NOT! I’m just bad with updates lol. But now that school is over and done with and I’m gonna have more of a routine (I got a job!), I can (hopefully) get out more stuff in a more timely manner. Tho I guarantee nothing lol. For now, enjoy! Tagging @cosmicrealmofkissteria bc she said she wanted to be tagged for all the new chapters. Read on! 

Demon’s old Mentor has returned... and he learns of a few developments that have happened while Demon was away from home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This was definitely not how Demon expected this night to go. He was expecting to have a peaceful evening with his husband and daughter, to see his daughter’s garden, have dinner with them, tuck her into bed at her bedtime, and then make sweet love to his husband for the rest of the night. He was not expecting his old Mentor to suddenly appear on his husband’s balcony. And yet...

“I don’t understand,” he paced the floor while Blackie leaned against the doorframe of the balcony with his arms crossed. Vinneketh stood beside their bed, looking rather suspiciously at Blackie. “How did this happen?”

Blackie gave a scoff of laughter. “Well, Demon, what happened was: I used my abilities to transport myself to your balcony. Because I detected you were here in Sphynxia.”

Demon glared at him. “That is not what I meant and you know it.”

“How are you here? On the mortal plane?” Vinneketh supplied. “The only way you could be here is if you had been Summoned.”

Blackie raised an eyebrow at him and turned back to Demon, jerking his head in his direction. “And who is this, Demon? A lover of yours?” He appraised Vinneketh, and hummed. “Hm. He is pretty, I suppose.”

Vinneketh frowned slightly, while Demon’s frown was deeper. “He is not a lover. His name is Vinneketh. He is my husband.”

Blackie narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, and Demon remedied. “My…” he glanced at Vinneketh, who reached out and linked their fingers together. He turned back to Blackie. “My mate.”

Blackie’s face went blank. “… You and he are… mated?”

“Yes.”

What followed was total silence. Blackie’s eye twitched, in such a subtle move Demon nearly missed it, and Vinneketh missed it completely in the dim candlelight. Then they heard the door open, and a tired voice. “Baba? Aiutu?”

Demon, Vinneketh, and Blackie turned around to see Ayesha standing in the doorway in her nightgown. Her favorite stuffed lizard toy was under her arm and she sleepily rubbed an eye with her fist. She looked up at them, her eyes falling almost instantly on Blackie. “What’s going on? Why are you still up?”

Vinneketh went over to her and knelt down. “Darling, you should be in bed. Did you need something?”

“Wanted a glass of water… Who’s he?” Ayesha pointed at Blackie curiously. “Is he a demon like Baba?”

Vinneketh glanced over at Blackie, confusion passing through him. “How did you… never mind.” He looked over at Demon. “Do you mind if I…”

Demon shook his head. “Not at all,”

“Alright. Come on, darling,” He stood up and let Ayesha take his hand. “Let us go get you some water. Then it’s right back to bed, alright?”

“Okay. Goodnight, Baba.”

Demon smiled and waved back at her. “Goodnight, Ayesha,”

Once the door closed, Demon turned back to Blackie. He was staring at the closed door like he had just seen something confusing yet mildly disgusting. “What?”

“Just who was that?” Blackie asked. “The small one. Who called you… ‘Baba’.” He sounded like he was forcing out the word.

Demon sighed. “That was Ayesha, my daughter.”

“Daughter?” Blackie burst out laughing. “You, having a daughter? Oh, that is good. Being mated to that Sphynxian, I can believe. But a daughter?”

Demon frowned at him. “It’s not a lie. She is my daughter.”

Blackie stopped laughing, and looked at him as though he had grown another head. “You are serious… What happened, did you impregnate someone and that small human is your offspring? You could have just left it.”

“That’s not what happened!” Demon snapped.

“Then how did you come to have a Sphynxian mate and a small human?” Blackie demanded. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft.”

Demon was prepared to tell him what had happened… but suddenly froze. All of a sudden he was at a loss for words. How was he going to word it? “I…”

The door suddenly opened again, and much to Demon’s relief Vinneketh reentered. “She’s gone back to bed,” he reported to Demon. He turned to Blackie, and Demon thought he saw something flit across his face before it turned polite again. “Blackie, would you like me to ask for a room to be made up for you?”

Blackie snorted. “That won’t be necessary. I can find my own accommodations.” He smiled deviously. “I could sleep here.”

Vinneketh looked like he thought that was the worst idea he’d ever heard. “I don’t think that is necessary either. As you said, you can find your own accommodations.”

Blackie shrugged. “Very well. No need for the vitriol. I will see you in the morning.”

He gave them one last devious smile and vanished in a burst of heat and flames.

Demon blinked confusedly at the flames as they disappeared into nothing. Then he turned around, just in time to see Vinneketh frowning at where they had been. He placed a hand on his husband’s shoulder. “Are you all right, Treasure?”

The glare disappeared and Vinneketh sighed. “I… Yes, Beloved. I’m fine… He never said how he was able to come here. Or how he found you.”

He was right; he hadn’t. Demon rubbed his shoulder. “Blackie has always been secretive. Even when it was a simple enough explanation, he still wouldn’t give it so he could be mysterious.”

“Mysterious…” Vinneketh muttered. Demon wasn’t sure what to make of the suspicion in his voice. He sighed. “It’s late, we should go back to bed.” He smiled a bit. “I’m sure Ayesha will insist on being your little shadow all day tomorrow.”

Demon smiled. “I can’t wait.”

And with that, they returned to bed, and for a while, all was well once again. 

-SPHYNXIA-

He could not believe this. He was being outdone by a painted Sphynxian and a child?! Oh no... that absolutely could not stand. 

Demon didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong with these people. These people who would never accept him. He was the only one who knew who Demon truly was, the only one who had ever truly accepted that. Demon belonged in the Underworld, in their home. Not here, with a foolish Sphynxian and a whining child to needlessly tie him down. 

No, he could not allow that to continue. 

“Enjoy your happiness, Sphynxian… while you still can.” 

[professional-anti]

Chapter Eleven: Magnus Bane

Okay, kiddos. Let’s go.

Jace and Clary leave the Brotherhood HQ, and Jace calls the cab driver a “brain-dead moron”. You know what, here’s the full quote:

Jace leaned forward and banged his hand against the partition separating them from the cab driver. “Turn left! Left! I said to take Broadway, you brain-dead moron!”

Oh, man, I’m so hot for Jace you guys. He’s so evil and cruel. I’m fanning myself. And the reason he wants to take Broadway? He wants breakfast. That’s it. It’s not a life-or-death situation. He wants fucking breakfast.

I like the idea of the diner they go to. A place where magical ppl can get together for some spaghetti. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I LOVE the idea of a secret (or not-so-secret) magical Manhattan. It’s just so unfortunate that Clare’s is so bad.

Clarinet asks Jack-Jack about Magnus Bane. Jack-Jack explains that he’s a warlock. Alec shows up. Clare is the foreshadowing master.

Clary freaks out about a guy in front of the store who looks like a demon. Clary. Girl. Come on. You know about this stuff already. It’s been like two days. Calm down. Apparently he’s a bouncer (for a diner) and is the warlock equivalent of a squib.

Honesty, I love this diner. They have blood on tap!!!! That’s so cool!!!!!! Plus, the people eating there sound way more interesting than our MCs.

[A] boy with spiky blue dreads was sitting next to a beautiful Indian girl with long black hair and gauzelike golden wings sprouting from her back.

Gotta love how the only people of color are basically set-dressing, though. At least Simon is Jewish, even with the messed up antisemitic crosses-burned-into-him dream thing. Clare’s Jewish, though, so of course she represents only herself and leaves everyone else out in the cold.

Alec shows up:

There was a kinetic, almost feverish energy to [Alec] that hadn’t been there before. Something about Jace sharpened him, brought him into focus. If she were going to draw them together, she thought, she would make Jace a little blurry, while Alec stood out, all sharp, clear planes and angles.

Oh, here it is. The “poor gay boy only comes to life in front of hopelessly straight crush” trope. Bc Alec has nothing better to do than obsess over Jace, a boy who is currently being rude to the waitress. Does Clare honestly not know how annoying rude boys are?

Isabelle and Simon show up. Apparently, even Isabelle’s perfume is evil:

Isabelle’s hair tickled [Clary’s] face, smelling of some kind of vanilla perfume. Clary fought the urge to sneeze. She hated vanilla perfume. She’d never understood why some girls felt the need to smell like dessert.

Haven’t I mentioned? Clary is the best girl to ever girl. Isabelle can’t even order right. Instead of getting something reasonable, like a large order of coconut pancakes (gross, Clary), “Isabelle fastidiously order[s] a fruit smoothie”.

Jace goes off to flirt with the waitress. Clary is confused bc the waitress is a Downworlder and aren’t they, like, totally evil? Isabelle and Alec assure her that the only kill the bad Downworlders. The rest they let live.

“Like letting spiders live because they eat mosquitoes, Clary thought.” Uh, not really. The Downworlders aren’t spiders. They’re just people, living their lives.

“So they’re good enough to let live, good enough to let live, good enough to make your food for you, good enough to flirt with—but not really good enough? I mean, not as good as people.” Isabelle and Alec looked at her as if she were speaking Urdu. “Different from people,” said Alec finally.

This doesn’t really seem like such a difficult question? Isabelle and Alec are just trying to cover up their bullshit.

“Better than mundanes?” said Simon. “No,” Isabelle said decidedly. “You could turn a mundane into a Shadowhunter. But you could never turn a Downworlder into one of the Clave. They can’t withstand the runes.”

So Shadowhunters judge others based on their ability to become Shadowhunters? Seems not at all racist. I’m so glad we had this chat. Jace comes back and explains that there’s just a shit-ton of hostility between Shadowhunters and Downworlders, so it’s not really racism.

Miracle of miracles, Isabelle reveals that Magnus Bane has invited the magical community of New York to his house for a party. God, I love parties.

There’s a whole day before the party, so Simon and Isabelle decide to go for a walk in Central Park. For some reason, this makes Clary feel a “murderous rage”. These emotions are seriously not healthy.

Back at the Institute, Clary goes exploring in the library and finds a photo of her mom and other Order of the Pheonix members-cum-Deatheaters Shadowhunters. Evil Giles shows up and points out Valentine, Luke, the Lightwoods, Jace’s mom, and himself in the picture. Clary mentions that Jace doesn’t look anything like his father. What could this possibly mean?

Honestly, the concept of a book about the children of villains isn’t terrible. It really just the complete ripping-off of Harry Potter that annoys me.

Oh, God. Clary gets back to her room (armed with a sleeping potion from Hodge) to see Jace looking at her sketchbook. I’m not even good at drawing, and my sketchbooks are still deeply personal. You can’t just look in someone’s sketchbook! It’s like a diary! WTF, Jace!

In fact, Clary tells Jace that it’s  basically a diary and that he shouldn’t look at it. This should be obvious.

Wait, I’m laughing:

“You could try not being charming all the time,” Clary said. “It might be a relief for everyone.”

BITCH, WHERE???

Jace offers to tell Clary a bedtime story. It’s the famous falcon story, the one that Clare used in her Harry Potter fanfiction. You know, where Jace’s father gives him a falcon to train, and when Jace loves it, his father kills it. Proof that Jace is Draco.

Somehow, Clary makes the connection that this story is about Jace only as she falls asleep. Whatever.

Isabelle wakes up Clary. Again, a famous moment:

[Isabelle] looked like a moon goddess. Clary hated her.

Bitch, Isabelle is a moon goddess, and I love her.

Yes, we have a makeover scene!! My secret weakness. I’m sorry, fellow patriarchy fighters. Makeover scenes are just so good.

Isabelle continues to be the coolest person in this book:

Her room looked as if a disco ball had exploded inside it. The walls were black and shimmered with swirls of sponged-on golden paint. Clothes were strewn everywhere: on chairs, spilling out of the closet and the tall wardrobe propped against one wall. Her vanity table, its mirror rimmed with spangled pink fur, was covered in glitter, sequins, and pots of blush and powder.

I want this room!

Clary gets a slinky black dress, fishnets, and boots. I want this outfit, too. When Isabelle does Clary’s makeup, Clary asks if Alec is gay. For some reason, this causes an intense shock in Isabelle:

Isabelle’s wrist jerked. The eyeliner skidded, inking a long line of black from the corner of Clary’s eye to her hairline. “Oh, hell,” Isabelle said, putting the pen down. “It’s all right,” Clary began, putting her hand up to her eye. “No, it isn’t.” Isabelle sounded near tears as she scrabbled around among the piles of junk on top of the vanity . . . She sat down on the edge of the bed, ankle bracelets jingling, and looked at Clary through her hair. “How did you guess?” she said finally. “I—” “You absolutely can’t tell anyone,” said Isabelle. “Not even  Jace?” “Especially not Jace!” “All right.” Clary heard the stiffness in her own voice. “I guess I didn’t realize it was such a  big deal.” “It would be to my parents,” said Isabelle quietly. “They would disown him and throw him out of the Clave—” “What, you can’t be gay and a Shadowhunter?” “There’s no official rule about it, But people don’t like it. I mean, less with people our age—I think,” she added, uncertainly, and Clary remembered how few other people her age Isabelle had ever really met. “But the older generation, no. If it happens, you don’t talk about it.”

Okay. So. I’m trying to judge this for when it was written. But, like. Is the homophobia necessary? It’s kind of like the ridiculous sexism in ACOTA/R. It’s a choice the author is making, for, like, no good reason. This is a case of a straight author needlessly torturing her gay character. But since this was published in 2007, I feel like this has been talked out, so let’s move on.

IT TURNS OUT THAT ISABELLE’S ANKLETS ARE WEAPONS. I LOVE HER. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED. WEDDING INVITATIONS TO FOLLOW.

Ugh, Simon short-circuits bc Clary is wearing a short skirt. Please calm down, sweetie. You’re embarrassing me. Wait, what is even going on here? Jace gives Clary a dagger, and, uh, this happens:

“I could give you a thigh sheath to put that in,” Isabelle offered. “I’ve got tons.” “ABSOLUTELY NOT,” said Simon.

I’m actually laughing. Lol for real. What does this even mean? Is a thigh sheath too sexy or something? Simon, can you chill for .2 seconds? This isn’t your body. Let’s all take deep breaths.

Clary puts the dagger in the outside pocket of her backpack because there’s no way having to unzip a backpack to get to the dagger could bit her in the ass during a fight. Then Jace reaches over and undoes her hair bc, uh, shipping moment.

I’m so grossed out by the fact that in a short while, they will think they’re siblings.

[askthelittleassistant]

One Little Thing...

((ok so to preface this; this is going in two parts bc I started writing so much, and also just a little warning, there is a bit of blood in this so... yeah! I hope y’all enjoy the insanity!))

Shop felt weak, weaker than she’d ever felt in her ‘career’ under Dark. What was she doing?... She laid, sprawled out on the forest floor… How… how did this happen.

No one really remembered when the first humans had stumbled across the ego’s place of residence, but it wasn’t like anyone really cared in the first place. Since Shop and her friends Pi and King had come, not much had changed, aside Pi braving the neighboring septics to befriend the Doctor Shneeplestein, and a few other folks joining the ranks of humans among literal giants… aside that, everyone kept to themselves, though paths were constantly crossed, and greetings were always exchanged.

It was nice.

And that’s not to say any part of Shop’s life was growing mundane, no no, it was always quite the opposite really. But… something always felt… off. And the worst part of it all was she knew exactly what it was, but she was always too worried to bring it up to her rather… intense friend. If she could even be allowed to call Dark her friend…

There was the obvious change in his demeanor the more time Shop spent with Dark, which was a lot, though he always seemed to cling to the past rather than let himself change, and Shop always knew better than to test the limits and patience Dark was already going out on a limb to offer her. She was always grateful, no doubt, but both could tell the girl was not satisfied with just that, growing impatient, which would work in favor of her downfall…

It happened one particularly boring day as the egos wrapped up their meeting. Shop had taken to people watching, always being the last to leave the room with Dark always meant waving and saying goodbyes and good days to egos and friends. Doc and Sal would chitter on about different cases with a cheery response peppered in, Techie and Sam may or may not be in attendance, but whether or not the cyborg mechanic would be hiding in the room always makes for a fun challenge for Shop. King and Host, they always make sure to pass by the assistant to say goodbye, and sometimes invite her for some tea and lunch, to which sometimes Shop will say yes to, but not today. There was something on her mind, and she needed to clear the air.

“Do you care about me?” The initial react was one Shop figured she would get as she held back wincing at the ringing as it grew briefly, a sign that Shop came to learn meant Dark was confused, possibly thrown off guard.

“Excuse me?” He replied dryly, finishing with his papers and notes, not batting an eyelash in his assistant’s direction.

“Do you care about me?” Shop asked more confidently, her voice as clear as her intentions.

“What kind of question is that.” Dark snarked back, clearly uninterested in addressing something that’s plagued his thoughts for a while now, largely unbeknownst to Shop.

“It’s the easy kind, the kind you can answer. Honestly.” She stepped on the edge of a notecard as Dark went to grab it. He sighed, annoyed.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Because.”

“Tsk, that is not a good enough answer Shop, spit it out.”

“If I do will you tell me?”

“mayhaps I will.”

Shop scrunched her nose up, he was being difficult and vague again. Of course, getting her to beat around the bush until she gave up. But not today.

“It’s just… I know you tolerate me- “ “this is true,” “But I just… I see everyone else… and I can tell that they’re cared about, like, really cared for…”

“Well, it would seem you already answered your own question, you are tolerated and respected, what more could you want?” Dark wanted to shut Shop down as quick as he could.

“That’s not what I mean. You know that. I know you do… we watch the same group of people do stuff…” Shop spoke softly, and Dark rolled his eyes, pfft, as if that would be enough to persuade him to come forth. The answer is no. Dark was always observant, always keeping tabs on everyone and what they did.

“Shop, I think you should go rest- “

“And I think you should stop avoiding the question- “

“That is none of your concern.”

“Just TELL me!” Shop nearly cried out, growing more and more impatient as she stood at the edge of the table, as if to face off with Dark, who was grumbling to himself.

“You had said it yourself, I tolerate you. End of story. Now get off my papers and let us leave the conference room.” Dark grabbed the rest of his things, shoving them away before he stepped out, soon followed by a disgruntled girl, who was more determined than ever to find what he really thought…

Back in their room, Shop climbed up to the nightstand next to a desk, where Dark was, working away before he cleared his throat, well aware of what Shop was trying to accomplish.

“I will not answer your needlessly nonsensical question shop.” He lets his voice linger and hiss softly.

“Oh come on! No one else will hear you-!”

“I said NO, SHOP.” Dark booms suddenly, banging a fist down in frustration, his voice loud, yet low and aggressive. “WHY ARE YOU SO ADAMENT ABOUT THIS? You already know, why do you keep demanding I tell you?”

He looks down as the trembling girl, her hands balled up into fists. His cold eyes softening for a flicker before hardening again, unwilling to give her the satisfaction of winning their little ‘game.’

“Be-because…. I need to know…. For sure….” Shop managed to stutter out, shaking in fear of Dark’s anger, clenching her jaw in resentment for even asking him if he cared…

What followed seemed to be the longest silence in either one’s life, even the ever-present ringing had quieted down, adding to the unease of it all. For once, the two were at a stalemate, neither one really able to move without the other claiming checkmate over the situation.

“Excuse me.” Dark finally spoke, though his voice was quiet, almost as if he was choked up over the conundrum he found himself in as he pushed his chair out and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and leaving Shop to break down.

Why did she think this would be a good idea, she always knew he would never willingly give her a straight answer, but she so was tired of being tossed around and strung along with little certainty, and now it was all coming back to her in the ass. Not to mention all the pent-up emotions, all suddenly bubbling forth because she was alone.

Just as always.

Shop sat with her tears and thoughts for what seemed like forever, and when she finally calmed down, and Dark still hadn’t come back out, she made up her mind, not bothering with anything more as she climbed down and ran out the room in a blur, her tears filling her eyes once more as she half climbed, half raced down the stairs.

If she wouldn’t be treated like she should, then she would just leave. Seemed easier than trying to get through to Dark.

Of course, emotions always seemed to cloud Shop’s logical thought process, making her act on a whim. That was always something she meant to work on. Guess not today.

Shop stormed out the hall and down the corridor, passing a few egos who might’ve called out to her, thinking she would respond, but they would not get so much as a nod as Shop’s heart lurched as she stopped in front of the main doorway of the ego’s manor. She… she hadn’t been outside the manor, not since she’d come…

But her mind was made up, especially when she heard an aggressive shout call her name, ringing in her mind. Dark was coming, and in her rush, shop sprouted her wings and jumped up to the door knob, turning it with some effort, and swinging the door wide open as she pushed off and fell into a dive, flying towards the forest.

“SHOP? SHOP GET BACK HERE N O W.” Dark had screamed in her head; the good thing about having made a deal with her so long ago was that he had access to her mind. Of course, he didn’t bother peering into it all the time, since Shop was normally very vocal about her thoughts. But now, now he used it to try to stop her from running away, having been perplexed briefly when he no longer heard sobbing outside the bathroom door.

He ran out to the steps of the estate, the eyes of curious onlookers following him, not daring to speak up or question the situation. It was plain as day that something just happened, and that that something was not for them to interfere with.

Shop had never flown with so much room at her disposal, sure the manor had lots of room, and Shop could always make herself smaller to fit her needs, but it never felt quite right. Here though, in the forest, she could dip and dive, and more importantly, burn off the anger that had built up over the course of the day. No point in trying to fight fire with fire, she would just keep doing what she does and treat Dark with kindness and hope one day, he would learn from her.

Little did she know, he already had.

Someplace else, a certain bitchy glitch was practicing throwing knives at a crudely drawn dartboard he’d carved into a tree, grumbling about how unfair it was that Scheeplestein had kicked him out again for trying to mess with his little friend.

Maybe I can sneak in and fuck around with Dark and that Shop gal… Anti thought to himself with a chuckle. It was hard, but the few times he’d been able to sneak into the ego’s estate to mess with Dark and his assistant were always fond memories to him. That girl knew how to scream, that was for sure.

Anti was about to throw another knife when his eyes caught a glimpse of a flying object as it zipped by a few trees away from where he stood. Something about this figure intrigued him and he collected his knives, starting to follow in the direction he saw the creature fly off in...

[6ad6ro]

time-travelling-bee2

replied to your post

“dark souls an analysis of every game in the dark souls series by a big...”

Honestly, I feel a bit of your points are off. The first, exceedingly minor thing, is that you seem to be confusing "smurfs" and "twinks." If you were to ban all smurfs, then noone could make a new playthrough Well, first of all, I don’t feel Dark Souls 1 is that cheap. You never gave any examples other than O&S (which are clearly supposed to be taken on with a summon, you even get Solaire if you’re offline), though I can easily imagine Capra and their dogs as one. Maybe even Nito, because of the skeletons (though this is more of a stretch, and then wouldn’t you also have to throw in DS3’s Curse-Rotted Greatwood? That’s even worse, since it’s mostly invulnerable) Next, the healing. Sure, you couldn’t grind for estus flasks, but you didn’t need to. You got them for free. I honestly found it a major annoyance moving from DS1 to 2 that I HAD to grind, since you only had 1 to start with. And even if 20 estus flasks every bonfire wasn’t enough, you actually COULD grind for healing items in the form of humanity from rats (or skeleton babies). Besides, in DS2, enemies stop respawning, so you can’t REALLY grind at all. As for DS2, while you might just call me another one of “those elitists who hate DS2 for making it easier,” a lot of my gripes are actually changes making it harder. Like how every enemy has ungodly tracking, how your health decreases every time you die (and you can’t even see your current health, only the maximum), the ability to be invaded while hollow, the general lack of stat points at sl1 despite the highest number of stats, what feels (to me) like abnormally high stat requirements for weapons, insane fall damage, etc. Also, Soul Memory. Made me constantly afraid to do anything but level up, because it’s all permanent. Can’t buy consumables, those won’t last. Can’t buy arrows or bolts, those won’t last. Can’t upgrade weapons, “What If I don’t like it?” And if you die, and lose all your souls? You’re fucked. Because every soul you get counts, even the ones that aren’t doing anything to help you. And you know who tend to be the ones who can spend souls the most efficiently, get the most bang for their buck?The ones who have it all planned out beforehand.The ones who are skilled. The smurfs. Newbies, at the same power level, will have a much higher memory, due to wasting money from dieing, upgrading useless weapons, and grinding for items/consumables they need to progress.But smurf/twink invaders can grind for free, infinitely, with the right ring and cov.                             I will agree that Dark Souls 1 is twink hell, but I still feel that Dark Souls 3’s system is the best, since it looks at upgrade level as well as actual level. Sure, there’s still rings, but those are generally balanced out by the numerous boons hosts have (more health, increased estus (even if the twink has max estus), summons/way of blue, giant’s seed). It’s less an ant versus an elephant, more an ant versus a cat. But the ant can summon infinite elephants(by pasword)

TLDR - prob to be expected, but i disagreed with a lot (but not all) of your counterpoints. most of your issues with ds2, while valid, seem to stem from you not knowing about “company of champions”, causing you to make things needlessly hard on yourself. i think the term “twink” is a kinda gross term so i don't use it. also tiny warning i’m in a bad mood rn lol, so v srry if i came off a bit harsh! ironically i just got done uninstalling ds2 ps4 bc it’s pure shit and i’ve had enough (hence the “bad mood”). oh and even tho you’re kinda criticizing me, ty for reading what i wrote and responding? anyways i’m gonna put my full reply under a cut bc it’s gonna be super long srry.

so “twink” is sorta homophobic, or at least it’s origins. i’m not gonna use a slur from within the gay community, that was already mildly gross, that was then appropriated by shitty edgelord gamer culture “bc homophobia is funny”, to label a very bad aspect of games. it’s a bit trashy no matter how you look at it. so i say “smurf”, esp considering the terms are pretty interchangeable. there is no real “correct” term bc it’s slang and opinions are divided across the net. but at least smurf came first. from starcraft pros who used “papasmurf” (and other variants) as their alt and would grief new players by pretending to be new and bad. but then halfway through the match they’d switch gears completely and just stomp all over them to get a negative reaction.. what makes a smurf (or whatever you wanna call it) a smurf is the intent of griefing and never intending for it to be a fair fight, not just that they happen to be better than the other player. it’s the intent to bully and make the other person mad. smurfing is premeditated. and really fucking pathetic. so anyways... souls 1. uhh i... did give other examples besides o&s? do you mean just examples of bad bosses? bc sure i can list a bunch. i swear i mentioned gargoyles. but also fucking 4 kings. capra, sure. nito kinda rly sucks. wolf is way too harsh. gwyn is actually really awful too, but he’s last boss so i give him a pass. also, tho i’m cool with it, people really hate bed. the rest of the bosses aren’t nearly as cheap, but they’re still usually way harder than bosses in any of the other games save a few examples. imo “the show isn’t worth the price of admission”. and the run to the fights themselves were usually unreasonably tough/long. so about the summoning. you know the game. you played it a ton and learned through countless mistakes, or you researched it a ton online (watched letsplays maybe). average people? they don’t do that. most people expect single player games to explain themselves within the game to a point. so a lot of people didn’t/won’t have access to solaire. or understand summoning. i would say most people won’t have humanity at that point having died so much. you, and many other souls fans, can fail to realize how unique and specific your situation is that allowed you to now consider stuff like this as fair or balanced or obvious, when in reality it’s totally cheap and grueling and incomprehensible.. i’ll elaborate on this aspect more later, but there is a common issue with people who love and defend souls that they have... very little self awareness in regards to this game? a lack of empathy for how others would handle the same situations. sorry i’m not saying this is you for certain i’m just... making an assumption based on the huge amount of people who defend souls, ds1 especially. but my point is, most people? solo o&s. with a really low level bc they died so much. and they just quit. bc it’s super hard even WITH solaire and a high level. bc it’s a horrible place for that fight. two of the hardest individual bosses at the same time plus a super boss after you beat one. awful. why are they harder than p much all bosses that come after them? why are they there? it’s a big stupid badly designed brick wall that murders fun for most people. umm wait but greatwood is so moderate (comparatively). you played ds3 right? greatwood gets stunned by every weakpoint break. it’s weak points might trick you once but you figure it out quickly bc it’s pretty visually obvious. mobs are comparatively simple and he kills his own mobs. he’s a big slow dumb idiot and his mobs stop half way into his fight. actually you know what? sure. tree kinda sucks too. i could see people having issues easily. but the health and damage are so low that, when combined with how r1-spam-friendly and forgiving ds3 is, it’s just not the same. i see your comparison to gravelord but imo tree is insanely easier. kinda like how the gargoyles fight in ds2 was so much easier than the one in ds1 even tho there were way more actual gargoyles in 2? bc the fight itself was inherently less dangerous in every way even though visually/thematically it was similar. again, most of your opinions on how to mitigate difficulty in ds1 actually come from super non-obvious stuff. do you know how many people never kindle their bonfires even once? or knew humanity healed you? that aside, you know what’s better than even 20 estus? 10 estus and 99 inexpensive lifegems you can just replace as much as you want. that sell from an impossible to miss npc. and ftr, 20 estus (if you even had that bc most don't), STILL isn’t enough usually. considering the insane damage bosses and normal enemies give. you have normalized souls levels of difficulty and forgotten what even 16 bit era games are like. you could have unlimited estus and still die in any souls easily, new player or not. oh uhh lastly you know enemies DO actually have unlimited respawn in ds2 right? it’s optional. you just join “company of champions” and enemies unlimited respawn. making the regular respawn limit simply make the game WAY easier by letting you grind enemies away “forever”. great for grinding souls, items, and not worrying about killing off all your potential souls while clearing an area for the boss run. or just getting rid of particularly bullshit spawns. but tbh again i don’t blame you for not knowing, seeing how souls makes all their games artificially way more difficult by doing stuff like this lol. in a way, this alone may be imo the BEST argument you have against my opinion that ds2 was much easier than ds1. i’m really glad you brought up this design flaw like i’m sure what you experienced happened to a lot of others at least on some level. i’d only call you one of “those elitists who hate DS2 for making it easier” if that’s what you are. bc most ds1 fans? souls fans in general? are like that. elitist. pretentious. insanely competitive. if you didn’t like the other changes to ds2 bc it was different than 1 and that’s what you were used to, then that’s super fair! i recently saw someone find ds3 way harder than 2 bc the action was different. it’s fair. but you remember. you know your fanbase. you know all the message boards replying to valid questions with “git gud” and “it’s really not hard at all” etc. you may not be one of those people, but at least be aware of the souls fanbase? there’s a GOOD reason it’s starting to get criticized so often. sort of an aside but still related... if i remember correctly in ds2 miya (he was still involved) was considering putting in difficulty settings until the fanbase lost their shit. that’s another confusing things that ds1 fans did that confused me. didn’t they get that company of champions was the obvious way to bring back souls 1 difficulty? tho it was a bit obtuse for sure. the “normal/easy/hard” difficulties woulda been objectively better for everyone. uhh your specific complaints abut ds2 tho... no you’re right about most of them like even if you don’t realize a few can be mitigated? like being invaded while hollow well people can just go offline completely. do sl1 stats rly matter other than to very specific sl1 runs? it’s valid, but will never come up as an issue for 99% of people. you level up v fast in ds2, to the point i’d say you get two levels per 1 in ds1? leveling up late game in ds1 is so tough compared to 2. soul memory was great bc it murdered smurfing. if i remember correctly ds1 and des had a bunch of hidden shit that acted like soul memory anyhow? it wasn’t until bb and ds3 that that kind of stuff had less of an impact, which of course brought back the smurfs in ds3. i hate to say it but soul memory should ONLY be an issue to less hardcore or newer players if they wanna keep co-oping with each other? it seems like you might have been super worried about pvp stuff or other advanced things... which tbh is REALLY not for the average person. lack of pvp made nothing "harder” exactly. again, plz remember my whole analysis was geared towards newer players wanting to give souls a try? predominantly pve-specific stuff. aw man you weren’t leveling up weapons (or gear) in 2? weren’t buying arrows or healing items? i mean it really wasn’t that expensive... i guess i could see ds2 being rly hard with such a handicap. i’m still super confident that ds1 without upgrades is way harder than ds2 (i know from experience tbh), but nonetheless that sounds rough. try and look at the mistakes you made with your ds2 playthrough and apply that same exact stuff to someone else with ds1. all i can really say to that is souls once again failed by design. THIS kind of stuff is why i criticize the parts of the series that i do. you seem to know so much about the series, but yet you still make huge seemingly basic mistakes. don’t you see the big issue here? i forgot to bring up the constant health loss at death. yeah, it sucks. it does. i’m glad that was removed in 3 (wasnt it? lol). BUT! human effigies were a hell of a lot more plentiful than humanity was. they were  easier to understand and manage as well? built-up humanity loss was a much harsher punishment than the slow loss of max health until you used one of your (comparatively) plentiful effigies in 2. um again smurfs aren't just experienced players starting a new char. that’s just an alt. or a new game. unless they intend to grief people and play unfairly they aren’t smurfs or anything like that. in all my ds2 play i only rarely ran into people who were way way out of my skill range (due to soul memory), but i can kinda see why you’d be unhappy? then again, compared to ds1 there’s not much comparison since there was like not much to stop the real smurfy stuff. you at LEAST had soul memory to protect you a little bit. also people not knowing about company of champions aside...  even tho i wasted a ton of souls through death or buying consumables or lvling up items in my first ds2 run... and never used company of champions until endgame (when souls are fairly negligible)... i still wound up beyond “over-leveled” by the vanilla endgame? don’t get me wrong, ds2 is flawed and i think it needs co-op through the entire thing to be really great. i think i mentioned demons was a better game solo? but i still think ds2 is worlds more accessible than ds1. yeah ds3 handles invasion better than ds1. agree. but ds3 is so so popular still and ds1... well it’s still played but it’s different. ds3′s awful smurf problem being better than ds1′s in comparison? doesn’t remove ds3′s issue in general. i am by no means “great” at souls, but i have crazy experience under my belt. i can outplay most smurfs. i usually do to a significant level. but when i hit a smurf invader 25 times and they don’t need to heal yet... and then they finally hit me once and i lose 2/3 my health... all your arguments fall apart. it’s definitely NOT a fair fight in any way regardless of the “advantages” i have as the host when a havel cosplayer wanders into my starting zones. and then a nameless king. and then just a completely naked smurf named “the hulk” that is totally naked besides a pyromancy flame that it punches with. that i can barely damage and still wrecks me hard per punch. they’re basically cheating. but just to be clear this is not an issue if you aren’t trying to do a co-op playthrough with a friend tho. two low levels can’t take on a smurf no matter how skilled they are. so either you annoyingly work around it, or one of you brings in their high level char. which of course causes any invading smurf to suicide the moment they see the high level. every. single. time. bc they’re all pathetic bullies. THIS is the problem. and the devs had a million ways to keep this from happening. but they either like it bc miya will always be a sick sadist, or they just don’t care too much. honestly the first areas or two should just have an option to be locked out of invasions while still being able to co-op... p much the ONLY people who enjoy it are smurfs. sure, i could technically go online and find a high lvl friend (if i had one) to stop an annoying invader. but don’t you see how absurd that is? having to run to message boards or something bc another user is literally keeping you from playing the game? that’s a horrible solution to a shitty problem. it’d be like i had a family picnic, and some idiot rolled up in a bulldozer and plowed right into our table and just sat there. your solution is like saying “oh whatever nbd just call the cops its fine”. well no it’s not fine. bc our day was ruined and we had to call the cops. people who are doing co-op playthroughs don’t give a SHIT about artificial competition, they just want to team against the ai and have a good time. smurf invaders ruin that. devs made multiplayer in souls confusing and absurd enough already like we didn’t need more issues? it’s just too bad bc souls co-op, when it works, is some of the best pve co-op in any game? but souls devs are so obsessed with this artificial difficulty and vague bullshit they let it ruin all the fun. it’s just horrible design. objectively bad. i love ds3 but this part is v disappointing.