#had to break my fucking silence sorry one of my partner's said they hated him n i had to set the record straight

[appri-dot]

Nothing more isolating then finding this guy cute as hell

[a-b-riddle]

I'm just going to ask this because I need to get it out of my head. This is all in regards to your Poly141 x Reader series going on. I'm just going to recap things first.

-Price got verbally eviscerated because of all the times he got short/snapped at the reader because he came into their bookstore that they bought with their own money, put their own blood, sweat and tears into fixing up and had THE AUDACITY to call them immature for trying to break things off cleanly like a MATURE adult in a space that's RIGHTFULLY THEIRS because he couldn't be an adult admit how he shouldn't of been treating the reader like one of his men.

-Soap showing up trying to apologize and then thinking with his dick because of how the reader got dressed up for a dinner date and got a taste of his own medicine when the reader just hit it and quit it without so much as a thank you, or a goodbye kiss and basically told him to clean up, get dressed and kick rocks.

-Gaz shows up after weeks of just flaking out of any dates and just being a ghost (ironic considering Ghost's callsign) trying to talk to the reader in person when the reader had tried for months to just get a glimpse of him only to be told he couldn't right now but could another time. Then the reader just tell him, 'yeah sorry no. I don't have time for you and your mates nonsense at the moment, just swing by to get your stuff when it works for you'.

-Ghost showing up whenever the reader is in trouble and getting them away from danger only to disappear shortly afterward and give the reader radio silence. The one time that the reader tried to seek him out for just a SHRED of comfort and he just told them, 'You're only good for what's in between your legs love, you knew what you were getting into. You should've known better.'

With all this mind, I want Ghost to have everything and the kitchen sink thrown at him. I want him to be told in no kind words that his words and lack of realizing how fucked up the things he said to the reader were was the straw that broke the camel's back. I want the reader to hurl everything that they didn't say to Price to Ghost. I want him to realize in no unclear terms how if he didn't fuck up so royally and had actually attempted to give the reader a fraction of what he was being given, things would be so much better. And for some extra salt on the wound, have the reader tell him that they suppose that when it comes to his line of work, he's pretty good at breaking anything and everything he touches. It's just a shame that for anything that involves a softer touch, he winds up breaking it beyond repair.

I just love narrative/reflective irony and can't wait for the next part and wish you well for making it to the end of this ramble. 🥰

I'm throwing up.

I am so happy that y'all got it without me having to say it. YES! She is giving everything back that they gave her. John's outbursts, Johnny's lack of aftercare and Kyle's flakiness.

I will say this which I think is interesting. Simon said something hellllla shitty and unforgivable. Like it was mean and something once you say you can't take back. I will ask this and feel free to go back and re-read.

What else did Simon do? Before the phone call, what else did Simon do to reader? We know Simon wanted to hurt reader. Why? Did he plan

Spoiler below, read at own caution

Or was he just sick of being the only one out of the four guys to actually contribute to the relationship and knew he needed to be the one to drive it home that there isn't a future with them? Reader refers to Simon several times as her body guard or guard dog... But never a boyfriend or partner.

In flashbacks, we see that Simon only ever came over at night. You'll find out why in the next few chapters, but as much as I love y'all hating on Simon, I cannot WAIT for y'all to get to the why.

And remember kiddos, hurt people hurt people.

[kkami-writes]

waiting for us ― chapter nine. avoidance cw: semi non-graphic domestic abuse, implied/referenced self-harm (although both are brief, please don't trigger yourself! I'll include a tl;dr at the end so you know what happened.) ↝ wc: 1.2k previous | masterlist | next waiting for us taglist. (29/50) @abbiestearsricochet @sanriiolino @boo-ven9eance @melleus @lenilla15 @adorawritesalot @inlovewithallmusic @soulphoenix1618 @alnex05 @borahae-reads @zonked-times @httphans @yoonrimin @sunoosult @slay-and-gay @itz-not-me-guys @jihanniee @berrybearbear @lovelixie @katsukis1wife @aksoace @realrintaro @0325tiny @adestayskz @minhwa @littleaprilcherryblossom @soobery @luvvvash @lillithathecat @ilychee08 @everglowdaisies @boi-bi-ahaha @yandere-stories

You hated that you enjoyed your time with Jeongin, that you had felt comfortable and safe in his presence. You had to remind yourself several times that you couldn’t get too close, too attached because it was gonna hurt when you inevitably had to leave. 

Yet here you were, letting him walk you towards the parking lot, trying not to get lost in his dimples that threaten to suck you in. You could tell that you were already so screwed. His voice breaks you out of your never ending cycle of thoughts. 

“Noona, have you found your soulmate?” You tense up at the question, an unpleasant shiver going down your spine.

“Oh. No, um. I’m a blank,” It’s the same lie you tell everyone, so why does your chest suddenly ache as the words leave your mouth? You know why but it’s something you refuse to admit. 

Jeongin frowns at your words. He doesn’t want to think you’re a liar of course, you must have your reasons for not telling the truth. But he knows it’s a lie. Even if you weren’t their soulmate (something he didn’t want to think about), you definitely had one. Fate would be too cruel to deny someone as beautiful as you, your other half. Jeongin wishes it was him. He so badly wants you to be his soulmate, their soulmate. More than anything. 

He goes to open his mouth to say something but a loud shout of your name stops him and both of you turn towards the sound. You flinch, your blood running cold as you watch your brother walk up to you. He looks calm but you can see the anger in his eyes. You had planned to ditch Jeongin closer to the parking lot so your brother didn’t see you with someone, it seems though you had been late, leaving the man impatient.

You wished he had just made good on his threat to just leave you there, to walk a half hour to get back home instead. 

“Mio, I’ve been waiting,”

“S-sorry. I was just um. Sorry, let’s go. See you later Jeongin,” You don’t even look back at Jeongin, walking straight forward and even leaving your brother behind, all too eager to get out of this uncomfortable situation.

He glances at Jeongin, nodding his head in acknowledgment before leaving without a word. Jeongin blinks, processing the confusing interaction for a second. He realizes that he didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to you, instead watching as you get smaller and smaller, ignoring the empty feeling he gets in his chest. 

The car ride home is deadly silent, your brother not having said a single word since he slipped into the driver's seat. It fills you with relief that he doesn’t ask, but you know that it’s not a good thing that he hasn’t said a word, knuckles turning almost white from how hard he’s gripping at the steering wheel. 

When you arrive home you hope that he’ll continue to ignore you but he grips onto your wrist before you can run away. His fingers bruising your skin easily as he holds you in place, glaring down at you. 

“who the fuck was that huh?”

“no one. he’s just my lab partner— we were going over homework,”

“doesn’t explain why he was with you still,”

“He was just being nice, walking me to the parking lot,” 

“You two looked awfully cozy. Is that why you were late? Too busy being a whore?”

You’re silent, gritting your teeth but your brother doesn’t take your silence well as he strikes you across the face. You barely make a sound, all too used to this. 

“Whatever. Stay away from him, got it? I better not catch you with any boys anymore,” 

With that, the conversation is over as he throws your hand down and stomps off to wherever it is he goes when he’s pissed at you. 

In silence you make your way to your room, throwing your bag down onto your bed in pure frustration, slamming the door behind you before sliding down it. You’re gripping at your hair, feeling your body go numb from the pain of trying to hold everything in, but from meeting three of your soulmates recently and now this— it’s all too overwhelming. The stinging pain from your cheek slowly dissipates but you know there’s gonna be a small bruise at least. 

You come up to dig through your bag until you find what you’re looking for, a small pocket knife you keep on you at all times. For now, you’d have to cope in the only way you know how to. 

You’re glad to not have bio again until friday, being able to avoid Jeongin easily with how big campus was. But of course, fate loves to fuck with you which is why you’re somehow not surprised that you come face to face with him at the coffee cart for your daily fix of caffeine. He waves over at you with a smile but you duck and move to go the other way, coffee not worth having to talk to him right now.  

Jeongin frowns, a brief pang hitting his heart as you blatantly ignore him. He knows he shouldn’t run after you but he can’t help it, finding his feet chasing after you before he can stop them.

He’s calling out for you but you continue to pretend not to hear him, hating the fact that he’s making a scene. Of course, with his long legs he catches up to you in no time, reaching out for you as he grasps at your forearm.

You flinch, his hands wrapped around your new wounds and you all but yank your arm out of his grip, clutching it to your chest, face scrunched up in mild pain. He frowns at your reaction and before he knows it, he’s grabbing at your hand again, this time rolling up your sleeve.

Jeongin’s heart shatters as he sees the all too familiar scars littered on the inside of your wrists. A few of them are fresh, just barely scabbing over and red.

When he looks up at you with a sad look you’re still in a state of shock at what had just occurred. You snap out of it and pull your hand away again, though this time you’re furious and completely baffled by his audacity. 

You turn again to walk away and thankfully Jeongin doesn’t pull you back but he still follows after you. 

“Mio please, talk to me. What happened?”

You’re still feeling entirely too much, it’s all too overwhelming so it’s not really all that surprising to you that you snap.  “Just go away! Who do you think you are? You don’t know me and I don’t know you. We’re just fucking lab partners Jeongin. Don’t act like we’re all suddenly buddy-buddy, ok? Just leave me the hell alone,”

You yell, probably a lot louder than you should have but it gets the point across and this time Jeongin lets you leave. He watches you walk away for the second time in two days, his heart a jumbled mess and his eyes glossy with unshed tears.

TL;DR !! YN's brother catches her with Jeongin. Once home, he slaps her across the face and warns her to stay away from him and boys in general. YN's feeling overwhelmed by everything and SH's as her only way to cope. She sees Jeongin the next day but she tries to avoid him only for him to grab onto her. She flinches, which he notices and pulls up her sleeves to see her recent SH scars. YN gets mad and yells at him before leaving.

[grapenamjams]

At work I thought about a slightly angsty fic scenario about Togame 🐢 bare with me here as I just dump my thoughts

- A/N: reading this back I jump from using reader and “you” just ignore that. Thanks!

So, reader and Togame got together before he joined Shishitoren. Maybe first meeting when he was working at a festival (no I will not let this perfect meet cute scenario go) point is reader got to know Togame before he changed. Knowing His sweet, shy, caring, laidback side.

Therefore when he joins Shoshitoren Reader watches the Togame they knew slowly change before their own eyes. Turning cold, cocky , violent and cruel towards his fellow gang members.

Reader will still see glimpses of who he was when he was you. Reader Still knows in their heart that he would never hurt them physically and he loves and cherishes reader dearly but his personality still had changed dramatically, to the point reader found it hard to differentiate between his opposing personalities. Bleeding into his personal life. Reader also just couldn’t turn a blind eye to the things he was doing, the pain he was causing to others even though it was deserved at times he would go to extremes.

Naturally this was causing a strain between the two. distance and arguments were frequent in the relationship. Wearing each other thin. Togame knew he was hurting you and it pained him but he was adamant to his promise he made to his friend.

Reader hearing about what happend under the bridge, what Togame had done and the scheduled battle with Bofurin was pretty much the tipping point for reader.

The night before the battle. Reader and Togame had an argument.one of the worst ones yet. Words were said that hit harder than bloody fits ever could. Monster was one of the words that made Togame freeze in his tracks as he followed you into his bedroom watching you grab your things that had slowly started to apear through the years together. Reader regretted the words once they left their mouth but they remain firm. Togame didn’t remember what he said but it was enough to bring tears to his partners eyes and have them make a straight line for the door. He sinks to the floor head thudding against the wall, letting out a curse as he runs his hands through his hair the silence to loud your last words the only thing ringing in his head.

Almost a week goes by since the battle with Bofurin when Togame found himself in readers living room. He wanted to hide, to let you go completely, telling himself that you would be better off without him. Even though he was finally able to drop the facade he had built for his promise. He knows he caused you so much pain. hurt you so many times to able to save what you two had.

But in all his efforts at distance he couldn’t step away and leave things how they ended that night. not before trying to apologize to you for his behavior. He knows he didn’t deserve it, your forgiveness, for you to not remember him only for his worst parts. He knows he treated you horribly, not taking care, cherishing you as he ought had done. as he wanted too. He couldnt handle the thought of you hating him. It tore him up inside to know you thought him a cruel monster at the end of your guys story. And he tells reader all of this.

“That person…that wasn’t who I am. You know me, yeah? I got lost in my own facade I created. I just…” his deep voice falters, tears that were in his eyes begin to drop down. “Your opinion of me matters so much to me, angel. I don’t want you to hate me I don’t want you to leave us thinking I’m a monster. I know I havnt done much to prove otherwise recently… I’m so incredibly sorry for how I hurt you. You didn’t deserve that and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I just…fuck I just wanted to try”

Your heart aches at Seeing him so desperately asking for your forgiveness. Almost as if he wants to get on his knees if you continue to stay silent. (I’m breaking my own heart here yall god T_T)

The relationship had recently become rocky, but at the end of the day you both loved each other. You had always known that his true self was locked away somewhere and you had hoped to see him again. of course it won’t be the exact same, but you knew you would love every version of him never being able to truly hate him. Meaning so much to you. Telling him this, Togame tears fall freely.

“Say it again” he pulls you into him tightly anchoring himself as he shakes with quiet,  sobs. “say that you don’t hate me please”

You hug him back just as fiercely before pulling back to cup his face in your hands. Tearful eyes taking in your face, desperately. “ I don’t hate you I never could. I love you Togame.”

[derelictheretic]

Siblings Q&A | 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊𝕀ℕℂ𝕃𝔸𝕀ℝ𝔼 𝕊𝕀𝔹𝕃𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊

Thank you for the tag @inafieldofdaisies ! I love any excuse to talk about my sibling OC's (plus my own siblings OC lmao)! I might do this for Pip and Cas and the 2nd gen Sinclaire kiddos later because this was super fun! 🤗🩷

Note from OP: This Q&A can be used for any family member/friend who's close to your OC!

1. Who looks the most like dad?

Dean groaned, head dropping and his hand rising. Michael and Remiel both pet his shoulders in sympathy.

"It's really only the nose—and at least yours is the small cute version of it!" Remiel offered with a nervous chuckle.

"Don't lie to me."

2. Who looks the most like mom?

Michael and Dean both point at Remiel, their mouth falling open in offence.

"What the fuck you guys?" They whine, their brothers shrugging in unison.

"It's only the nose, but it's smaller and cute so that's better right?" Dean grins.

"Fuck off, shithead."

"Love you too."

3. Who eats the most?

"Me, don't even say it I know it's me." Remiel turns their head, refusing to look at their grinning brothers.

"Yeah, when you remember to eat." Dean snorts.

"Their stomach is a black hole." Michael mused, Remiel playfully sobbing in response.

4. Who has been in the weirdest situations?

The three paused, looking between one another as they mulled over the question.

"These two," Michael then said, pointing to Remiel and Dean, "they always get themselves into shit somehow." He shook his head. Remiel and Dean both shoot him offended looks and he just rolls his eyes.

"I think we get ourself into the normal amount of shit." Dean mutters.

"Yeah." Remiel agrees with a pout.

5. Who sleeps the most?

"Remiel." Michael and Dean don't miss a beat, Dean wrapping an arm around Remiel's neck in a pseudo headlock. They slap his arm but don't disagree.

6. Mom and dad's favorite?

"Their favourite first baby cigs." Dean joked, making both Michael and Remiel snort in agreement.

7. Most stable romantic life?

"That would be me!" Remiel announced proudly, breaking free of Dean's headlock to lean over and grab James' hand; their partner who had been politely sitting off to the side in silence.

"I would argue Alexys and I are pretty stable." Michael muttered.

"Yeah but Remiel and James are practically already married and they're like.... Both lil rays of sunshine, I don't think they know how to have a fight." Dean gestured vaguely and Michael just hummed unimpressed.

8. Worst habit of each one?

"Sleeping too much." Remiel sighed.

"Fighting as a coping method." Dean coughed.

"Not reading instructions." Michael shrugged.

"His refusal to use a cane or leg brace." Remiel and Dean argued; Michael just shook his head.

9. Who's the most dramatic?

"Remiel." Dean said, Michael and even James nodding in agreement.

"Hey, what the fuck."

"It's true baby, sorry." James pet their hand comfortingly and they just huffed with a small frown.

"It's not my fault you two are emotionally stunted and I can't hide how I feel." They snipped.

"We didn't say it was a negative thing!" Dean laughed.

10. Who had a weird phase?

"Dean." Michael snorts.

"Shut your face hole Mike." Dean snaps, hand shooting up to cover his mouth.

"Are we talking about the angry emo phase or the sad musical phase?" Remiel grinned, Dean spinning around to cover their mouth with his other hand.

"I actually hate both of you, shut up."

11. Best cook of the family?

Dean proudly stuck his hand up and Michael and Remiel gave appreciative nods.

"Michael's the better baker though, I can't bake for shit."

"True."

12. Best memory together?

"The first time we all went to the local pool in our hometown together." Dean decides and Remiel and Michael mull it over before nodding in agreement.

"We were diving for the hairties and coins at the bottom of the deep end and pretending to be mermaids." Remiel reminisced with a fond smile.

"Michael did some cool dives, he wasn't cool enough to be a mermaid though." Dean nods to himself, Michael scoffing.

13. Worst memory together?

"Too many of those." Michael smiled bitterly, Remiel and Dean nodding absently.

14. Dream trip together

"Japan! Just—everywhere in Japan!" Remiel near shouted and Dean and Mcihael both chuckled and nodded.

15. Would you rather not being able to shower for a month or have the same clothes for a month?

"Same clothes for a month." All three agreed.

16. Who's the older one?

"Michael, the ole' bag of bones." Dean grinned, patting Michael's back heartily.

"Okay, infant." He scoffed.

17. Describe each other in three words

"Michael is... Dependable, strong and grounding. Dean is grouchy but thoughtful and caring." Remiel held up their fingers as they listed off the words.

"Remiel is kind, a bit naive and very passionate. Mikey's more of a grouch than me, but yeah super dependable and cool as hell." Dean grinned.

"Dean is reckless, stubborn and loving. Remiel is empathetic, lazy and creative." Michael smiled.

18. Role model?

"Michael!" Remiel and Dean exclaimed, Dean wrapping his arms around his middle while Remiel leant over him to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

19. Who usually has the worst ideas?

"Toss up between these two." Michael nodded his head towards Dean and Remiel who both gasped in denial.

"It's Remiel"

"No, it's you."

"Nah it's not."

"Yeah it is—"

20. A GIANT insect is on the wall, who's taking care of it?

"Me, these two are chicken shits." Michael smirked.

"I don't fuck with anything that has more than four legs." Remiel grimaced, Dean nodding solemnly in agreement.

no pressure tags: @adelaidedrubman @deputyash @simplegenius042 @megraen @clicheantagonist @socially-awkward-skeleton @strangefable @kyberinfinitygems and anyone else who feels like it!!

[dannystattoo]

illicit affairs

a/n: ok, so I actually wrote something, i did not mean to take it that far, but I hope you enjoy anyway 🖤

warnings: none, aside from asshole Danny lmao

based on illicit affairs by taylor swift

You and Danny were both in relationships that weren’t bad exactly, but neither of you is super happy. You met through a mutual friend at a party and you immediately hit if off. You both realized pretty quickly it’s been a long time since you’ve felt a connection like this with anyone, let alone your own partner. You didn’t mean to exchange texts outside of the group chat of your friends you’d both been added to. You didn’t plan to start talking everyday. You’d didn’t mean to slowly start seeing each other one on one. It all just kind of happened. This goes on for months and For whatever reason, you both hadn’t left your significant other. However, the sneaking around between each other’s places when you could, meeting at places well outside of Nashville so you wouldn’t see anyone you knew, it was all getting old.

One day, he was at your place . His girlfriend was out of town and as far as your boyfriend knew, you were spending the weekend with family. You were in the bathroom, contemplating how you’d gotten here while staring at a perfume bottle on the counter. It was the one you had to hide regularly. It was Danny’s favorite, but your boyfriend hated it. You’d bought it as a weird sort of anniversary gift once you realized you’d been doing this for a year. You always hid it though and never dared put it on when you knew your boyfriend would be around soon because the smell was distinct and it lingered. As you put it back in the shelf where you kept it, out of sight, you realized how stupid this whole thing had gotten. You both loved each other and clearly didn’t want to stop seeing each other. You’d become so indifferent about your boyfriend and if we’re being honest, you guys fucked maybe once a month at best at this point. You had no idea what you guys were doing anymore.

“Danny, we have to talk”

“Yeah, babe?”

“What the hell are we doing”

“What do you mean?”

You rolled your eyes. “You know exactly what I mean. Why are we still with other people? I’m so sick of us having to sneak around just to be sort of happy. Wouldn’t it be so much better if we could just be with each other, like actually be with each other?”

Danny looked at you, considering the thought he’d have to leave your place in the middle of the night so no one would see.

“I’m doing it” you finally said after a moment. “I’m ending things with him, I can’t keep doing this.” You looked at Danny expectantly, hoping (perhaps foolishly) he’d say the same. After what felt like ages of you both staring at each other you had to break the silence.

“Well?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed after a minute.

“This is a fucking joke, right? Please tell me you’re not serious.”

“It’s a lot to consider, is all”

“Oh my god, what the hell does that mean? After everything we’ve been through, you don’t know? You don’t fucking know? What was the last year then, Danny?”

“You’re right,” he said finally. “It is stupid. I love you so much and I’m certainly not as happy with her as I am with you. We’ve just been together since i moved to Nashville, I can’t imagine anything else”

You gave him a look.

“You know what I mean”

“Yeah, doesn’t hurt any less to hear though”

“Sorry. I’ll do it though, you’re right, clearly neither of us was that happy in our relationships when we met each other”

“So…we’re doing it?”

“Yeah, I guess we are,” he smiled at you and grabbed your hand. You both agreed that after you “got home” from visiting family and his girlfriend got back, you’d call it off with them. You also decided to wait a bit to make things public though. With his band finally starting to take off, the last thing he needed was cheating allegations.

You sat at your apartment that night after Danny left, feeling extremely nervous about breaking it off with you boyfriend, but also feeling lighter over the fact you and Danny had finally agreed to fully commit to each other. You realized it had been all you’d wanted since shortly after you both met, and you were so glad you were finally on the same page.

✨1 week later✨

You hadn’t seen Danny since that night at your apartment, and you couldn’t wait to finally see him again tonight. It had been a rough week - even if you didn’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore, breaking up certainly wasn’t easy. Add to that that work had been kicking your ass, and that your family decided this was also the week for drama, you really needed a break. Knowing that you guys could finally be a couple without sneaking around was the light at the end of the tunnel.

The feeling didn’t last though. When you arrived at Danny’s apartment, something immediately felt off and you couldn’t place it at first. You then realized that her stuff was still spread throughout the house and you prayed it was just because she hadn’t gotten a chance to clear all her stuff out. The fact that there was a purse and shoes in the front hall made you think that wasn’t the case though.

“Hey you,” he smiled as you walked inside. You accepted his kiss when he greeted you, but you were distracted.

“So, are we going to discuss that?” You said, pulling away and pointing at all of her belongings in the hall.

“Uh, yeah, about that,” he anxiously ran his hand through his hair.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Danny,” You turned on your heel to leave, seeing absolute red.

“I’m sorry, I just…I couldn’t do it, not this week. I was all set to, but her mom’s been sick and she really took a turn for the worse the day I saw you last. They don’t think she has much time left. I don’t want to be with her anymore, but I couldn’t just do that to her then, you know?”

“So how long are you going to keep this up then? If her mom just keeps getting sicker, you can’t leave. What about when her mom dies, then what? You won’t be able to leave her when she gets that news, and then you certainly can’t leave while she’s grieving! I guess we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing and you can just keep cheating on her.”

“Baby, that’s not fair - “

“Stop, you don’t get to call me baby anymore. I held up my end of the deal, can you do the fucking same?”

“It’s not that easy, trust me, I wish it were!”

“Oh, bullshit. Her sick mom wasn’t an issue a week ago. You don’t just get to weasel your way into my life and promise me this beautiful life together just to keep taking it away from me. I told you, being with you is the best thing to happen to me in years, I…I can’t describe it. It’s like you showed me colors I can’t see when I’m with anyone else, and the way I connect with you? It’s like we have this language I can’t speak with anyone else. Danny, it’s so, so good when it’s good, but it’s fucking cruel of you to dangle that in front of me.”

You both stared at each other, neither of you sure what to say next.

“I’m leaving, I don’t think there’s anything else to say.”

“No wait,” he called as you grabbed the door handle. You knew you shouldn’t, but you dropped the knob and turned to hear him out. What was it about this man you couldn’t say no to?

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you, and i just need to rip the bandaid off. She’s up with her family right now, but she’ll be home in a couple days. I’ll do it then. I wanna be with you, I promise. I don’t wanna fuck this up.”

Part of you said to run. What proof did you have he’d actually do it this time? None. However, that naive part of you was hopeful that maybe, maybe, he meant it this time. After considering it for a second you took a step towards him.

“Okay. I’ll let it go this time, but the next time I see you, you better have ended it”

“Promise. In fact, I pinkie promise.” You laughed despite yourself and wrapped your pinkie around his. Before you knew it, you were both laughing and he pulled you in for a kiss. You kept letting it deepen, even though you knew you shouldn’t. A few minutes later, he’d pulled you onto his lap, his hands moving under your tshirt. You didn’t resist at all when he moved you to his bedroom, their bedroom. As he laid you down in the bed, you couldn’t stop your mind from racing and thinking about the fact you knew he wouldn’t be anymore available this time next week than he was now. You just knew. You also knew you’d be right back here, or he’d be at your place. No matter what, you couldn’t quit him and you’d let him ruin you a million times over.

[pandemellia]

Ugly Thoughts #2: I'm elated that you feel alone💖

Two weeks ago, my ex made a TikTok video where he was concerned that no one was asking him if he was okay. 

And I was thinking like-

PFFFFT HAHAHA!

LOOK AT THIS PATHETIC ASS FUCK OVER HERE!

NOW YA SORRY ASS KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE ALONE!

YOU KNOW? LIKE HOW YOU CHEATED ON ME, THEN LED ME ON AND EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTED ME FOR TWO MONTHS WITH LITTLE TO NO REASSURANCE THAT YOU'D NEVER DO IT AGAIN, AND HARDLY ASKED IF I WAS OKAY?

AND I BEARED IT ALL ANYWAYS BECAUSE I WANTED US TO WORK OUT DESPITE MY MENTAL HEALTH DETERIORATING FOR THE SAKE OF YOURS?!

YET YOU STILL ABANDONED ME FOR SOME DISGUSTING HOE?!

I'M HAPPY AS FUCK THAT NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU! 

HOW ABOUT YOU ASK THE LOWLIFE FUCKS THAT DO FURRY SEXUAL ROLE PLAY WITH YOU?! YOU KNOW, THE SAME ONES YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH AND YOU'RE CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER WITH NOW?!

WHERE ARE THEY NOW, HUH?! THEY'RE YOUR "FRIENDS" AREN'T THEY?! THAT'S THE EXCUSE YOU USED WHEN I ASKED YOU TO BLOCK THEM SO THEY MUST BE ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU, RIGHT?!

I'M PRETTY SURE THROWING AWAY 4 YEARS BECAUSE YOUR DEGENERATE ASS WANTED TO INDULGE IN YOUR STEP BRO-SIS FURRY FANTASIES WASN'T WORTH IT NOW, WAS IT?!

LET'S.FUCKING.GOOO-

So anyways; I may feel lonely now, BUT I'VE NEVER FELT as lonely as I did when he ignored me when I needed his reassurance after he cheated on me. It was extremely emotionally painful, at least for me.

Instead, he decided to ignore the problem, and hoped it magically fixed itself by insisting on a "break". 

I don't care how immature this makes me, but I DESPISE relationship "breaks". I may have said this before, and I'll keep repeating it again: when anyone suggests to take a "break", it's either because they wanna have an affair with someone else, or they're thinking of breaking up with you and running away from the problem. 

This has been proven time and time again on Reddit where people ask for advice about these topics.

Also, I have trust and abandonment issues, so it's pretty self explanatory on why this wouldn't work out for me.

My point is; a relationship is teamwork, and I believe you shouldn't emotionally check in and out of a relationship at your convenience, at the expense of your partner's mental health. 

If a relationship needs time to cool down from an issue, then take a few days apart. But a break will never ever be a solution for me. 

Nevertheless, he always insisted on breaks (the one that led to the break up was the longest, these breaks usually lasted 2 weeks or more) before this whenever we had problems in our relationship, and I always reluctantly complied despite him knowing why I hated breaks. He has depression, so I always wanted to accommodate his mental health.

Guys. 

I don't remember if I mentioned this to him, but I literally would Google symptoms of depression to try to understand why was he always acting this way. That's how much I cared about him. I learned that people with depression often have depressive episodes where they shut everyone out because they feel like a burden on them.

So I suffered in silence and tried to my best to suppress my resentment every time he'd ignore me.

But as it turns out, he never had "depressive episodes". He just used those breaks as more time to exchange nudes with other people and do sexual online roleplay with others while I was alone, riddled with anxiety and paranoia that he was cheating on me. 

Back to the last break that led to the break up; every single day, for two months during our "break", I was in constant fear that he'd cheat on me again, abandon me, or leave me for someone else. That was absolute mental torture. I cried everyday, was on edge all of the time on not knowing where we stood; and worst of all, I was made to feel like a burden for feeling anger and sadness from being cheated on. It's the reason why I don't go to the few friends I have on my main social media for the heartbreak I'm dealing with now. I felt (and sometimes still do) like this worthless thing that didn't deserve to have their feelings acknowledged.

And he managed to end up doing all three. Yes, leaving your current partner for someone else is emotionally cheating. You're falling in love with someone else while you're taken; and instead of working to get rid of those feelings by cutting off contact, you fuel them more by starting an emotional affair with the other person. And if you have it in you to objectify your soon to be ex partner by replacing them with someone else, then it's clear you never loved them in the first place. I swear, the only people who'd deny that this shit is cheating are the fuckers that are guilty of this lol. It's not just as simple as, "aS sOoN aS yOu'Re sInGlE, yOu gEt tO fUcK wHoEvEr yOu wAnT". No, people who do this start off their new "relationship" with deceit and manipulation, fuck off.

Writing this also made me realize that on the night he broke up with me, he had the goddamn audacity to BLAME ME FOR THE PROBLEM HE SINGLE-HANDEDLY CAUSED BY SAYING, "I cAn'T hAnDlE yOuR rEsEnTmEnT"

THIS BITCH REALLY TRIED TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR FEELING ANGRY AT HIM FOR CHEATING ON ME! AFTER I TRIED TO SUPRESS MY FEELINGS OF RESENTMENT TO GET PAST THIS ISSUE SO OUR RELATIONSHIP COULD WORK!

HE BASCIALLY EXPECTED ME TO FIX ALL OF HIS CHEATING ISSUES BY MYSELF BY JUST SMILING AND PRETENDING LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.

HE ALSO SAID DURING THAT PHONE CALL, "Did you ever ask me if I was okay?" WHEN I BROUGHT UP HIM IGNORING ME ALL OF THE TIME.

BRUH YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON ME! MY PATIENCE DOES HAVE A LIMIT YOU KNOW!

ALSO ALSO, YOU IGNORED ME BECAUSE YOU INSISTED ON A BREAK! WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? KEEP SPAMMING YOU WITH TEXT MESSAGES?! YOU WOULD'VE GIVEN ME HEAT FOR THAT TOO AND SAY THAT I WAS SUFFOCATING YOU!

I do have to add that he did ask if I was okay only once during the break...buuut then he kept ignoring me, never reassured me that he wasn't cheating, never blocked his sexual roleplay partners, never overall showed me he was willing to change his toxic behavior, etc. He never took my feelings seriously even though it was very clear that I wasn't okay with him ignoring me. So I think that question was just a way to relieve his guilt about his emotional affair with his current partner rather than actually showing genuine concern about me.

I actually wanna go back to our Instagram chat and see exactly how that particular conversation went, but I don't wanna trigger myself more. I'm honestly already crying writing about how I felt during the break.

Going back to the depressive episodes thing, I think its ironic because now I've been currently struggling with a depressive episode where I've temporarily deactivated my main social media so no one can contact me. Because I feel like a burden to my friends.

Because of him.

So I totally understand why someone with depression would isolate themselves, but I'd never ignore my partner like that. I felt like he just did that to ignore any accountability for his actions (and to cheat) until I was so starved for affection, that I'd just give him a pass for whatever caused an issue in our relationship in the first place. And I fell for it.

Every time.

He even said shit like "wElL i wAs tAuGhT tO jUsT mOvE oN" as a way to sweep issues under the rug, so there's that.

The most frustrating part about this is; even if he gets these moments where he feels alone like in that TikTok video, he will never feel it in the same devastating way I perceive loneliness, if that makes sense.

[iheartgracie]

foolish hearts funny claudia quotes

“We all know magenta is not pink, right?” She looks to me. “Right?”

“Abso-tootin-lutely!” I declare loudly, because I am a moron.”

“But Paige Breckner just took the cake in the breakup department. I want you to be better than you are. If I were Iris, I would’ve disintegrated on the spot.”

“We heard your phone,” Paige says.

“How do you know it wasn’t your phone?” I reply. Because. I am. A moron.”

“I didn’t know anyone was out here. I didn’t hear anything,” I say, even though it’s a lie compounded by another lie.

The silence is unbearable.

So I do what I do best, or what I do worst, I suppose—my greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. I break it.

“I had the faucet on,” I say. “Really loud. And I pee pretty loud. I’m surprised you guys didn’t hear me, it was like Niagara Falls in here. Just really … very loud in volume. A lot of … liquids … flowing in a … noisy fashion.”

“I don’t think that’s right,” I said to my manager Aaron on my first day. “Because Subway subs are twelve inches? So really it’s only seventy-five percent of a Subway sub?”

“They mean the six-inch,” he replied.

“So maybe they should say that?”

“It’s the worst. It is literally the worst. I’m a cog in the world’s dumbest corporate sandwich machine. But I needed a job. And Pinky’s was hiring. So here I am.”

“There was a lot of talk of this year being our year.”

“Who did all the other years belong to?”

“Right? I asked Madison that. She looked at me like I was crazy.”

“Too bad she can’t buy a sense of humor.”

“I’d sell her mine.”

“So many girls would be so happy for a chance to go to Prospect.”

“Then one of them should go for me,”

“Oh, this is Claudia,” Caris says.

“Third wheel extraordinaire,”

“Who still needs a partner?”

Time to accept my fate. I raise my hand.”

“I don’t hate anyone.”

“Not even Voldemort?”

“I mean, yes, obviously. But I don’t—”

“Are you hiding from somebody?”

I swallow. “Yes,” I say. “Death. That’s why you scared me. I thought it was the grim reaper sneaking up on me.”

“Well, you’ve got Oberon locked down.”

“Maybe you’ll be my queen,” he says, leaning in a little and wiggling his eyebrows.

“I mean, probably not. If there’s like … a nonspeaking role for a tree or something, that’ll probably be me.”

“What are you doing?” I finish off the creature.

“Sorry, Mark just got home.” I hear muffled conversation and then “He says hi.”

“Tell him I don’t say hi back. Tell him I respond with stony silence.”

“Gotta go. Have fun Shakespeare-ing.”

“I’ll try. Hey, if you’re mean to me, I’m gonna send Mark a list of names from this play. You could have a little baby Oberon or Hippolyta.”

“Oh geez. Don’t you dare.”

“Bet you wish you saved some of those vetoes.”

“Is that a problem?”

“I mean, yeah, it kind of goes against my usual thing.”

“What thing?”

“You know. Where I’m not really, like … active in that way.”

My mom gave me a look. “Sexually?”

“Agh! God! No! Socially. Socially active.”

“Do not take your eyes off the climber, the surprisingly stern college kid who trained us had said. Do not get distracted. Do not take your hands off the rope. Do not lose focus”

“Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars,”

“I hate everything about this.”

“Iris, you haven’t even climbed as high as you are tall.”

“Let me down. Now.”

“You could literally just step off the wall.”

“Hey, do you know Jacob Dolby?” he says like he’s going to introduce us, but there’s no Jacob Dolby in sight.

I shake my head.

“He’s having a party tomorrow night.”

“Good for him.”

“Do you want me to drop you off?”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I’m not a terrible person?”

She looks at me for a moment and then lowers her phone.

“Fine. You can drive me.”

“Really? Thank you. How gracious. What a privilege.”

“Do you need my address for the GPS?” she asks, following me to my car.

“Hate to break it to you, but 2004 Toyota Corollas don’t come standard with GPS. You’re gonna have to Google-Map that shit for me. Think you can manage?”

“I didn’t … fuck up on purpose.”

“Wait, so you were for real?” Iris just blinks at me. “You making faces in the dining hall before auditions. That was … you acting?”

“What can I say. We’re not all talented enough to be Magic Fairy Number Five.”

“Hey, I’m First Fairy. It’s a named character. I have lines.”

“Oh geez, let me get the Tony nominators on the phone.”

“Not everything I think is malicious.”

“What would a pie chart of your malicious to non-malicious thoughts look like? How big a piece of the pie is non-malicious?”

“What did you do today?”

“Sorry?”

“That has you so wiped.”

“Oh. You know. Saturday stuff.”

“What’s Saturday stuff? Typical Saturday for Claudia Wallace.”

“I ran a 5K,” I say.

“Really.” He says it like he might believe me, so I go on.

“Actually, I ran twelve 5Ks. Basically a 60K. And then I fought like seven bears. So. You know, I’m pretty beat.”

“Seven bears. All at once?”

“No, three and then four.”

“That’s impressive. I’ve only ever fought seven bears tournament-style.”

“I’m not saying it was easy. That’s … that’s why I’m so tired.”

“Claudia Wallace, you’re not even a little bit curious about my mixtape?”

“I’m like sixty-five percent sure you don’t have one.”

“It’s called Gideon Prewitt: Getting Improvement.”

“Agh, God, why?”

“Because it sounds cool.”

“Getting Improvement? What does that even mean?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, it just has to strike a chord with people.”

“I’m now eighty percent sure this mixtape doesn’t exist.”

“But I know you didn’t go to Morningbrook with us, I definitely would’ve remembered.”

“Maybe I had a face transplant.”

“Maybe you did. But I also feel like I would’ve remembered if someone in my class in middle school got a face transplant.”

“It was the summer between eighth and ninth grade. I kept a low profile afterward.”

“What did you look like before?”

“Better,” I say. “I had a rare condition. The doctors said I was too attractive. It was detrimental to my health and also society. So they gave me this face instead. For the greater good.”

“That was an SAT word.”

“I know. Do you want me to congratulate you for using it?”

“Is he really your favorite?”

“I don’t know. It might be some kind of subconscious conditioning, since his face is literally all over the room, and, you know, he just watched me pee and everything.”

“Not that I was pathologically afraid of crotches. I just … like to know a person before I measure from the crotch to the back of the heel where I want the pants to end.”

“I’m the funniest person I know,” he declares. “Except for you. You’re funnier than me.”

“That’s not saying much, because you’re not funny at all,”

“I don’t want to bond. I specifically want to not bond. What’s the opposite of bond?”

“Alienate?”

“I want to alienate.”

“Well, you’re pretty good at it.”

“Smooth job answering a question with a question by the way. Super ninja deflecting skills.”

“I’m a level fifty deflector,” I reply.

“Out of how many levels?”

“How many levels do you think?”

“Deflected!”

“Why would you bring Iris on a double date? Who does that?”

“This isn’t a double date.”

“Uh, yeah, it is.”

“You said it was a group thing! ‘Group thing’ does not mean ‘double date’!”

“Well, it was implied.”

“You should have said the words ‘double date’!”

“Are you ready to put the ‘fun’ in Fall Fun Fest?” he says as I slap his palm.

“I can at least put the ‘trip’ in ‘Triple F.’” A pause. “By being clumsy, I mean. Not by, like, sharing drugs with the group.” Three sets of eyes are on me, and I can’t stop myself from talking. “I don’t have any drugs. In case you were worried. Or, in case you were … expecting me to have drugs.…”

“If it makes you feel any better, you were right about her being scared. It kind of backfired though, because she seems, like, pathologically afraid of this whole situation.”

“Anyway, I left as fast as I could. It was Jackie Casella’s house. Have you ever been there?”

“No.”

“It’s in the French Palladian style. Way too ostentatious if you ask me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind when I design my chateau.”

“Is it weird,” Zoe asked once, “that she’s going to be a grandma but she’s also still your mom?”

“I think a lot of grandmas are also still moms?” I replied.”

“What if she loves the new grandbaby more than you?” Zoe said with a grin.

“Oh, she definitely will. I’ve accepted that.”

“Did you, like, read a book on gaming?” I say.

“I read the Internet. It told me all about it.”

“You read the entire Internet?”

“I hope everything’s okay,” Iris says quietly, pulling a piece of shredded lettuce out of her sandwich and frowning at it.

“There’s nothing wrong with that lettuce.”

“I meant with Paige.”

“I know, but you’re giving the lettuce a suspicious look.”

“I fucked up my first act as a mom,” she says. “I evicted him from my uterus ten weeks early.”

“That’ll teach him to pay his rent on time.”

“I really like TION. Like, I kind of love them.”

Zoe smiles. “I sort of got that impression.”

“Like, not even a little bit ironically. I genuinely love them. If one of them needed a kidney and I was a match, I would genuinely give them my kidney.”

[crayonssz]

Why didn’t you stop me? -chapter 2 // skk fic

a/n: sorry for delayed update, i’ve been really burnt out😭 as always, this is a reupload from my ao3, justanotherjester! enjoy!!

tysm for beta reading @zestylemonsz!!

“and i’m sorry i left, but it was for the best, though it never felt right.” -fourth of july, sufjan stevens

Chuuya’s eyes fluttered open, a soft groan escaping his lips. He sat up, observing his surroundings. The clean, white sheets on the bed, the grey walls, and the sun that shone through the semi-transparent curtains. They were all unfamiliar to him. He stretched his arms as he tried to remember the previous night’s events.

The way he pinned him to the wall.

The way he teased him.

“Admit it, you missed me~” Who did he think he fucking was?!

He hated him.

He hated his fluffy brown hair that Chuuya definitely did NOT want to run his hands through.

He hated his brown eyes that sparkled whenever he teased the ginger.

He hated the way he consumed his every waking thought. 

“ Fuckin’ hell. ” Chuuya growled to himself, resisting the urge to bash his head into a nearby wall. 

As much as he hated to admit it, Dazai’s departure had affected him deeply. He had descended into a depressive state, consumed by his anger and pain. He tried to drown out these feelings with alcohol, drinking whenever he could in the hopes of forgetting the betrayal that was tearing at his heart.

And now he was sitting in Dazai’s fucking bed.

Chuuya groaned.

“‘How long will you continue to break my heart?’ God, that’s so fucking sappy.” He muttered to himself as he got out of bed. 

Chuuya reached to adjust his collar instinctively, but paused when he felt nothing. For the first time, he looked at what he was wearing.

It wasn’t the same outfit he had been wearing the previous night. Chuuya didn’t have any memory of changing, and none came to light when he searched his mind.

Which could only mean one thing.

“DAZAI!”

After a few moments, the brunette walked into the room.

“Oh, the sleeping beauty is awake. How was your rest?” He asked, a smirk creeping onto his face.

Chuuya glared up at his former partner.

“Care to explain why the fuck I’m in different clothes from last night?”

Dazai chuckled.

“Well, you see, your clothes were soaked. Surely you’d catch a cold if you kept them on, so I did the right thing and changed them.”

Chuuya could feel the blood rushing to his face. The way Dazai was so nonchalant about it infuriated him.

“You- you saw me naked, jackass!”

“Would you rather contract pneumonia, slug?”

Chuuya growled. “…no,” he muttered.

“Hm? Speak up, I can’t hear you.” Dazai grinned.

“I SAID NO!”

“Now, now, let’s not get all worked up. Would you like breakfast? I made some miso soup and rice.”

Chuuya opened his mouth to protest, but was promptly interrupted by his stomach growling.

“Fine.”

Dazai grinned, and led Chuuya to a table.

“Pardon the mess, I certainly wasn’t expecting to bring you home.”

“Don’t phrase it like that, it sounds like we’re dating or something..”

That earned a laugh from Dazai as he set a plate in front of Chuuya.

“Would you be opposed to that, chibi?”

Dazai sat down across from him, smiling still.

Once again, blood rushed to Chuuya’s cheeks. His immediate answer would be no, of course. Dazai was an asshole and could go die in a ditch somewhere, for all Chuuya cared.

But…

No.

Chuuya would never date Dazai.

He loathed himself for even allowing the idea to linger on his mind.

It was wrong.

He couldn’t.

He shouldn’t.

He-

“Chuuya?” Dazai’s expression was one of amusement.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I, uh, zoned out.”

“Mhmm.”

The two former colleagues ate in silence, both deep in thought.

“Well. I should go.” Chuuya stood up, leaving his dishes on the table. He didn’t care for Dazai enough to clean up after himself. He wasn’t that decent of a person.

“So soon?” Dazai stood up as well.

“Yeah.”

The two stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to say. The silence was deafening, almost unbearable.

“I’ll see you around.. mackerel.”

“You too, slug.”

Chuuya walked with Dazai to the door. In a way, he almost wished he could stay. 

“ What the hell is wrong with me? ”

“Hm?”

Dazai looked over at Chuuya, confused. The ginger froze. No way he actually just said that out loud.

“Huh? I didn’t say anything. I think you should get your ears checked.” For good measure, he added, “Jackass.”

“Alright then.”

Dazai opened the door, and Chuuya stepped out.

“Oh, and chibi.”

“Yeah?”

“Come back soon to get your clothes back~!” Dazai taunted, his voice switching to a sing-song tone. With that, he slammed the door in Chuuya’s face, leaving the angry ginger fuming.

“Fuck you, Dazai Osamu.”

Why didn’t you stop me? - chapter 1 // SKK fic

a/n: first fic in a while + first fic in bsd fandom, this probably sucks ass idk😭😭 full fic will be on ao3, same username

tysm to @zestylemonsz for proofreading!!

 “i look for a picture of you to keep in my pocket, but i can’t seem to find one where you look how i remember.” -why didn’t you stop me, mitski

Osamu Dazai walked through the streets of Yokohama, the dark sky providing him with shelter. Moonlight cloaked his body, giving him an almost ethereal glow. His scarred hands were tucked into the pockets of his beige trenchcoat, providing him with sufficient warmth for the time being. 

His dark eyes were fixated on a pebble as he kicked it across the pavement. The scraping of the pebble was hypnotic, leading him to zone out until-

“Watch it, asshole!”

Dazai snapped back to reality, looking up.

Brown eyes met blue.

Time seemed to stop. Dazai’s heart was racing, its pounding was the only sound he heard. His hands emerged from his pockets and started scratching any bit of skin that had the misfortune of being exposed. Dazai needed to feel something, anything. Anything to distract him from the man standing silently in front of him. Finally, the silence got to be too much for him.

“Hello, Chuuya.”

Chuuya Nakahara stared up at Dazai, his icy eyes void of any emotion whatsoever. How, Dazai wondered, did they manage to say nothing and everything at all? Dazai didn’t know what he expected. He knew Chuuya would be angry; he had abandoned him, after all. He wasn’t expecting, however, the fist that sent him stumbling back.

Dazai’s head collided with a building, the brick wall causing his vision to blur. The ginger stormed over to him, his expression unreadable. Without warning, he grabbed Dazai’s shirt collar and lifted him up. Dazai inhaled sharply, wincing. “You’ve gotten stronger, Chuuya-“

Chuuya still said nothing. The silence was starting to make Dazai uncomfortable.

“You reek of whiskey.”

No response.

“I like your hat.”

Still nothing.

“Chuuya, say something. Please?”

“What is there to say?”

Chuuya’s voice was filled with anger. For most people, that’s all they would hear. But Dazai wasn’t that naïve. He was able to see beyond Chuuya’s hostile exterior. He heard the anguish hidden in Chuuya’s voice, and it broke him.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Chuuya.” Dazai’s voice was soft. 

“Well, you did,” Chuuya snapped. He was still pinning Dazai to the wall, his nails digging into the brunette’s skin. 

“I’m sorry.” Dazai frowned. “Can you let me down now?”

Chuuya glared up at him before stepping back, letting Dazai fall to the ground with a thud. “There.”

Dazai got up, groaning softly. The two stood in silence once again. 

Plip.

Dazai held his hand up, feeling the drops of rain. It started as a gentle drizzle, but quickly escalated into a downpour. Dazai slipped a bandaged hand into the depths of his pockets, fishing out a collapsible umbrella. He quickly extended it, holding it upright. His eyes met Chuuya’s.

“You want to set your pride aside and ignore it get under?”

Chuuya’s eyes narrowed, and his fists clenched. Rain slid off of his fedora, creating an almost comedic sight.

“C’mon, you’re going to get soaked.”

Chuuya sighed, and stepped forward. His shoes made tiny ripples in the puddles that were starting to form. He stood about a foot away from Dazai, the umbrella only covering about half of his figure.

“Hm.” Dazai frowned.

Suddenly, Dazai’s hand grabbed his waist. He pulled him in, Chuuya’s head colliding with his chest. A muffled yelp could be heard coming from Chuuya, followed by a chuckle from Dazai.

“You little-“

“Shhh.” Dazai smirked, still pressing him against his chest.

Chuuya growled, but didn’t protest. After a minute, Dazai released him. The two were still extremely close in proximity, causing red to bloom across Chuuya’s face.

“Admit it, Chuuya.” Dazai was still smirking, his eyes glinting mischievously.

“Admit what, shithead?” Chuuya crossed his arms, fuming.

“You missed me~” The brunette tapped Chuuya’s nose for emphasis, causing Chuuya to shove him against a wall once more. 

Dazai was prepared this time, grabbing Chuuya’s arm and swinging him around, reversing the roles.

Dazai put his hands next to Chuuya’s head, leaning down to reach his height.

The ginger opened his mouth a few times as if to say something, but nothing came out. Dazai did nothing to mask his amusement, chuckling at Chuuya’s flustered state.

“You know what?! Fine. Maybe I did miss your stupid, annoying, dumb face. B-But that doesn’t mean anything! So don’t get any ideas!” The shorter man shouted, the words pouring out of his mouth.

“You love this stupid, annoying, dumb face.” Dazai still stood over Chuuya, enjoying the effect he had on him.

“DO NOT!!”

“Okay, maybe a little.”

Dazai raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. You win. Happy?!”

“Extremely.”

Dazai backed away from Chuuya, extending his hand towards him. Chuuya reluctantly accepted, and Dazai held the umbrella over him once more.

“Come on. You clearly aren’t sober, so I can’t have you going off on your own. With your petite frame, some might mistake you for a lady.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, asshole?!”

Dazai chuckled as he led Chuuya through the streets, making sure to splash him with a puddle every opportunity he got.

“Where’re we going?” Chuuya inquired, his words slurring together.

“My place, of course.”

Chuuya didn’t protest, he was far too tired.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, until Chuuya decided to ask what had been on his mind since his partner’s desertion from the Port Mafia.

“Dazai?”

“Hm?”

“How long will you continue to break my heart?”

Dazai froze, unsure how to answer. He looked down at Chuuya, the drunken flush in his cheeks not unnoticed. The moon and street lights illuminated Chuuya’s pouting face. Dazai was surprised by his vulnerability, and he wanted to give him an answer. He deserved one.

“As long as you allow me to.”

[emmyrosee]

sssssSSSHHHHHHLEAVEMEALONE-

————

You’d gone to bed angry last night.

It was a promise you’d made to each other long ago, back when you’d gotten into your first big fight in the early months of your relationship, to never go to bed angry, to work through and compromise with whatever problems plagued your love. No one deserved to go to bed thinking their partner was angry at them.

But when Bakugo spit his venomous words, turned on his heel and slammed your bedroom door shut last night to leave you with the shattered heart he’d just created, your feet couldn’t even begin to move towards the closed door. You didn’t want to face him, want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how bad he hurt you, and if he so badly didn’t want you in bed next to him, who were you to try and convince otherwise?

So, wordlessly, you climbed into the scratchy, lumpy couch he’d seemingly banished you to, and you pulled the too-small, too-thin blanket over you, and stared at the leather of the couch for the next six hours, the clock ticking all the while.

The rest of the morning was a blur; showered, brushed your teeth and had a cup of tea in the silence of it all, you’d finally found it in your means to make something to eat, and you’re also finally reminded of why you didn’t want to do that in the first place when a sleepy, albeit still tense Katsuki shuffles his way into the kitchen to face you for the first time since he’d yelled at you.

“Hey,” he mumbles, a calloused hand carding through the blonde locks of bed head that he sported. You don’t spare him a glance, instead, you keep slicing the fruit for breakfast, barely acknowledging him with a quiet, almost bored, ‘hi.’

In your peripheral, he winced at your coldness, clearly not used to it, “I… uh…” he chews his lip, and it’s a side of Katsuki you haven’t seen since high school, timid and hesitant to even look at you for fear of rejection. He’s always so confident in his snide remarks and quick reactions, but now he looks so… scared, like you’ll smack him with the pan you’re cooking on.

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies,” you mumble, breaking an egg in the pan and watching it sear under the heat of the stove. When you’re met with more silence, you force yourself to not look at the man you’d fallen so hard in love with, because you knew if you did, you’d immediately forgive him for the pain of last night.

“You didn’t come to bed,” he says, clearing his throat.

“You made it pretty obvious that you didn’t want me there,” your reply comes quick, and it silenced him immediately.

Then, the signals in your brain surge and cross as thick arms wrap around your waist and a face nuzzles into the crook of your neck, and when you try to squirm out of his grip to be alone for even just a little bit longer before breakfast, the lips against your shoulder mumble out a quick, but sincere, ‘I’m sorry,’ and it finally causes you to still.

“I was shitty last night,” he continues. “I said dumb things to hurt you, and it… it wasn’t cool.” Fingers fiddle with the waist band of your sweats, but you know it’s more for search of your loving warmth than anything else. “I hated waking up without you. I always want you next me, I always want to kiss the corner of your eye to make you smile in your sleep, I always want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up. I don’t know how I knocked out last night without you. But this morning, when I saw you weren’t next to me, I just… Fuck, I can’t believe I ever-“

“Katsuki?”

He shuts up at the use of his name, whole body tensing and arms tightening even more around you, almost scared to loosen them. You sigh, “you just… hurt my feelings last night.”

He whimpers. So you rest a reassuring hand on his wrist.

“I know,” he swallows.

“I don’t understand why…”

“There’s not a ‘why,’” he sighs. “I just did, because I’m an asshole, and it was fucked up of me.”

You hum in agreement at his words, turning around in his arms to finally face him. His eyes look sunken in and they glimmer with a certain shame, but they’re still the eyes you fell in love with so many years ago.

“Please don’t talk to me like that again,” you whisper, fingers moving back a blond lock from his face. Meaty fingers wrap around your wrist to keep it close, and he turns his head to plant a kiss to your warm palm. “And… and no more going to bed angry.”

“We won’t, baby,” he promises, giving your wrist a reassuring squeeze. “I promise..” maroon eyes blink longingly at you before his pink pout curls into a small, rare smile. “Love you.”

“I love you too,” you whisper, allowing him to pull you into an easy hug. Your cheek nuzzles against his shoulder, relishing in the familiar feeling, “even if you are the worst man ever.”

He chuckles shortly, “I know, babe.”

“I mean like, an absolute monster-“

“Got it, I’m an asshole.”

“-worst creature to shamble the face of the earth-“

“I fucking got it, dumbass!” He snarls, using his force to shove you backwards against the counter, your arms instinctively tossing around him to brace yourself while giggles pour from your lips. “Enough fuckin’ guilt tripping!” The hands on your waist gently move to your lower back to keep them from getting bumped and bruised by the counter; even in his worst, he prepares himself to protect you from anything, no matter how mad he wants to pretend he is.

But you don’t discount the way you hear the smile in his voice, and when you feel it stretched out against the skin of your neck, the weight off your shoulders eases in realizing that you two would be fine.

[nikka-v]

Another day | Vinnie Hacker x fem reader smut

Summary: Realising that Vinnie is not that bad after all.

Warnings: nsfw!, 18+, swearing?, smut and Vinnie is hot as fuck which is warning as well 😏

I am sorry for any mistakes ♥️

You did not like Vinnie that much since you met him and the feeling was mutual. No one properly knew why and honestly you two did not know as well. Maybe it was because you did not spend enough time together to get to know each other or maybe it was because your partners used to date and you two still felt the vibe between them and were mad because they wanted you all to spend time together. You just argued so much because of everything.

But even though there was so much hate between you, there was also something else. Something only visible to a few other people. Everyone always said that when you weren't arguing, you had so much chemistry and an invisible connection but that just made you argue again. And Joey with Sarah, your partners, hated it because they saw that too. And it wasn't different on a wedding to which were you all invited.

"I just do not understand why you have to argue with her all the time and then look at her later as if you wanted to fuck her." you were walking through the mansion where the wedding was taking place when you heard Sarah's voice almost shouting from hers and Vinnie's room. You were spending the whole weekend at the mansion and your room was right next to theirs so you snuck to the balcony and listened to the argument from there, naturally curious about the reason and outcome.

"What is your problem, Sarah? Am I bothering you with my thoughts about you and Joey?" you dramatically gasped and had to laugh quietly because of the situation. Of course, you knew how they were still looking at each other but you did not realise that Vinnie saw it too. After a few seconds of silence, you realized that he did not refuse what she said and leaned a little to try to see them.

"You are an asshole Vinnie, how can you speak like this to me?" I finally saw Sarah just as she walked out of the door and closed them loudly.

"You having fun?" Vinnie suddenly looked your way, making you lean back as if he did not already see you. You breathed deeply and watched as he walked on their balcony with a cigarette in between his lips, holding another in his hand, holding it out to give it to you.

"Thanks," you said, taking the small killer from his hand and after putting it to your mouth, leaning closer to him so he would light it for you. You had to admit that when he was standing there in black jeans and a white button my shirt he was really not bad looking plus how he was holding the cigarette made him even more attractive.

“I wanted to break up with her a few weeks ago because of how she still looks at Joey." he said suddenly, surprising you with his honesty.

"Why are you telling me this?" you could not stop yourself from asking causing him to chuckle a little.

"Because the only person you hate more than me is her so I know that you won't tell her." you nodded, that was the only possible response to what he said. He was right, wasn't he? You looked at him cause you felt his eyes on you and he just smiled with sadness in his eyes. At that moment you did not understand why he was sad.

"y/n?" as you heard Joey's voice you quickly threw the cigarette away, blowing the smoke out and gesturing to Vinnie to be quiet about it. Joey hated smoking and you had a few arguments about smoking already so you didn't want to provoke him again.

"Yes, babe!" Joey's head appeared from behind the curtain and he smiled at you, dimples showing on his cheeks. You quickly looked to where Vinnie was standing but he was no longer there so you looked back at Joey with a weird feeling in your stomach.

"What are you doing here? All good? You have a good time?" he asked and you frowned for a few seconds before quickly smiling. He was not usually asking more than one thing when he spoke to you, but you just thought that he finally started to act as a better boyfriend.

"I am all good, just taking a few moments to chill here," you said, putting your arms around his neck and kiss in him on his lips. The garden lights suddenly turned on, making the surroundings a bit more romantic causing you to smile a little at the kiss.

"Should we go to sleep?" Joey asked, looking at his watches all of a sudden. That weird feeling in your stomach happened again as if you sensed something weird happening. To be honest you expected Joey to want more than just a small kiss on a balcony.

"I mean, I thought we will have some us time," you said, making him laugh a little. He hugged you quickly before starting to walk away slowly.

"I am tired y/n. Maybe another day yeah? We do not have to do it every day right?" you wanted to talk to him more but he already disappeared behind the curtains and you heard the bathroom door closing.

"As if we did it in the last two weeks you asshole," you murmured to yourself angrily, almost jumping when you heard someone else's voice.

"That's how it starts you know? I am telling this to you because I care about you, he is doing it with someone else." Vinnie's voice resonated through your head, making you look at him with a shaking head.

"Sure you do care about me." you rolled your eyes, clearly angry. "He is not sleeping with anyone else. Unless you have proof, stop making up things." Joey would not cheat, would he?

"Whatever you say love." wanting to tell him off cause of the nickname you turned at him but he was not there anymore, leaving you alone with goosebumps all over your body. And as you were falling asleep you could not stop thinking about what he said.

Maybe because of that, you had some toe-curling dreams about him. Of how he would just touch you with those tattoed hands with rings. How he would bend you over the balcony railing or how he would just hug you and ask you about your day. The fucking minimum that Joey barely did. And you apparently moaned a little while sleeping cause Joey woke you up while there still wasn't so much light outside with kisses on your neck.

"What is going on?" you asked, trying to adjust your eyes to the darkness while you hugged Joey a little.

"You were having some hot dreams presumably with me so I want to apologise for leaving you wanting me. I did not realise yesterday that you wanted me so much. You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from telling him that he should stop flattering himself so much but he was still your boyfriend so you had to let him think that the dreams were about him.

So you decided to make your brain think more about Joey and sleep with him. And that did not go as planned. Half of the time you saw Vinnie unintentionally and the other half you imagined him to make you feel satisfied which was definitely not a good idea. For the first time in a few weeks, you really came and while moaning you moaned a different name. Vinnie's name. But to your surprise, Joey did not even say anything to it. He was so focused on his satisfaction that he just mumbled some things to himself, not paying you any attention. And then when he finally finished, he just kissed you, rolled over and fell asleep. You on the other hand could not just go to sleep.

Your mind was all over the place. As you took a shower you had to think about the whole situation. You were sure that you did not have any feelings towards Vinnie, this was purely physical attraction, right? You expected Joey to talk about it but apparently, he was really not listening to you and did not bring it up for another two weeks. Those two weeks were strange because of how he was acting but in kind of a good way. He asked you about your day, took you on nice dates and brought you many flowers. It started to get even weirder when he stopped wanting us to meet Sarah and Vinnie so much. You were happy because of not seeing Sarah but you wanted to see Vinnie.

It all escalated at one of the parties when someone asked Vinnie to let you all hear his new song. He sceptically looked around the room, probably looking for Sarah before he pulled his phone out of a pocket and connected it to the speakers. Joey went outside a few moments ago to get you some drinks so you just leaned on a wall behind you and started listening to what Vinnie was saying before he put the song on.

"We called it ‘another day’ and it just popped in my head a few weeks ago," he said and when the song started to play, you liked the rhythm immediately. That was before you heard the words and realized it was about you.

You hated me

but you fuck him and say my name

This got stuck in your head. He knew about that night at the hotel. He heard you. You quickly pushed yourself from the wall and made your way out of the living room towards the stairs to get to another floor.

"Hey, wait." you heard Vinnie's voice as you reached the upper floor so you turned around to see him.

"What do you want Vinnie? Why would you sing about that? How did you even know about it?" you asked him quickly and looked him in the eyes. He took a deep breath before he took your hand and pulled you to an empty room, where you quickly pulled your hand away from him.

"I was standing on the balcony that night of the wedding weekend. I found out from other people that they saw Joey and Sarah kissing in the pool so I needed some time to think before I would go tell Sarah." you shook your head and stepped back a little, not wanting to believe his words.

"That's bullshit, he would not cheat." honestly you were trying to convince yourself more than Vinnie who was standing there, not knowing what to do to make you believe him.

"Okay, go search for them, I am sure they are together right now." he threw up his hands, obviously frustrated because of this situation. And so you did what he told you to do. You pushed him to the side to walk around him to the door so you could leave.

"If you are lying to me, I swear I will hurt you." you looked at him over your shoulder, making your way out of the room to find your boyfriend. You immediately saw a group of some guys, so you went to ask them for pieces of information.

"Jack, have you seen Joey?" you asked the curly-haired boy who you knew and he smiled at you nicely before he saw your angry face. He quickly pointed to a room which had closed doors and you almost ran towards it, taking a deep breath before trying to open the door. Locked. That made you even angrier so you knocked a few times before fully hitting it with your palm and then fist.

"Calm the fuck down, occupied!" you heard Joey's voice which made you kick the door and walk to the next room where you climbed a little out of the window to get on the room's balcony. And as you wanted to open the glassed door, you stopped and looked through a small space between the curtains. You put the palm of your hand on your mouth to stop yourself from screaming out loud. Vinnie was right, they were there, making out while he was fucking her on the bed.

A single tear came down your cheek before you climbed back to the other room. You weren't sad as much as angry. You wanted to hurt someone so much as Joey hurt you but you knew you did not have it in yourself to do this to someone you'd love.

"Are you okay?" you heard Jack as you got out of the room with only one goal. Find Vinnie.

"Don't worry about me, have you seen Vinnie?" you tried to smile at him but did not succeed. Jack understood that you were not in the mood to talk so he just shook his head.

"Not for a while," he said, making you think for a second before you walked back to the room where you saw Vinnie last time. And he really was still there, sitting on a dryer with a cigarette between his lips. Before you did not even realise that it was a laundry room.

"I guess you found them." he looked up from his phone and watched your face as he threw the cigarette out of a small window which you wouldn't even reach because of how high it was.

"Yes. I thought you were lying." you sat next to him on the washing machine and leaned your head on the wall behind you.

"Really? You did not believe it at all?" he asked doubtfully, making you chuckle quietly. Of course, you were suspecting it but never thought that it would be the truth.

"Okay, maybe a little but I just do not understand why." you never understood why would people cheat on each other. That was something you would never forgive anyone.

"I know it sucks but at least you found it out." Vinnie jumped down from where he was sitting and walked towards you so he was standing right in front of you. You just found out that your boyfriend was cheating and the only person you could think about was Vinnie. How he was standing there and could give you everything you've ever wanted.

"Help me forget about him, please," you whispered suddenly, not giving it much thought. But Vinnie was not that surprised about what you wanted the gently touched your knees, pushing them apart and coming closer to you.

"Are you sure about this? Don't you hate me?" he asked, leaning forwards to kiss you but stopping a few millimetres away from your lips.

"But I fuck him and say your name, don't I?" you used his own words to make him believe that you really wanted it. And he did not ask again, kissing you harshly and making you moan because of how his hand moved over your body.

You felt the cold rings which he was always wearing on your stomach before he moved his hands to the thin cloth of your lacy bra which showed a lot more than it should. His touch travelled across your body, helping you take off your cropped t-shirt before cradling your face and finding your lips again.

You moved your hands from his biceps to the hem of his shirt to take it off, taking a moment to admire his body and tattoos. Not that you've never seen him like that before but from this close, it was a premiere. You both were looking at each other's bodies for at least a minute before Vinnie suddenly kneeled at pushed up your skirt. You leaned back a little so he could move it even higher and before you sat properly again, he took off your thongs, leaving you almost naked.

"You don't have to. "you whispered as he got closer to you which made him stop his movements and look at you with confusion readable on his face.

"You don't want to?" he asked and almost looked disappointed.

"I do, I just don't want you to do it because you'd have to. Joey didn't want to. Never." Vinnie shook his head, suddenly amused.

"I don't do it because I have to, I do it cause I want to. I bet he wanted you to give him blowjobs all the time," he said, waiting for your answer which he did not actually need because of how you looked at him. Of course, he wanted to but when it came to giving back, he did not want to. Not that he would have a specific reason, it was because of how selfish he was in bed.

Before you could've said something he moved closer to you, leaving a kiss directly on your clit. You almost jumped a little and felt how he smiled because of how he was affecting you. He stuck out his flattened tongue and licked you up your slit to your clit.

"That feels good, doesn't it?" you heard his voice and as an answer moaned. You were sure he knew how good he was and wanted to show you what you were missing out on.

"Too good baby, I don't think I am going to last long." you joked quietly, your hand wovening through his hair to which he reacted by adding pressure to your clit. Over and over again he was slowly alternating between gently sucking on it and teasing it with the tip of his tongue. One of his hands moved back on your chest reaching your nipples over the bra and gently carresing it and with his other hand, he was holding your hip.

As you were getting closer, his hand moved from your hip lower between your legs, filling you with one finger and in a few seconds with the other. With one hand still holding his hair, you moved the other to hold the edge of the surface you were sitting on. Suddenly you felt Vinnie's hand moving from your chest to your hand, locking your fingers together. This gesture made something in you shift, making you feel a stronger connection to Vinnie.

It did not take long for you to feel an orgasm building in your whole body which made you moan Vinnie's name out loud. Because of so much pleasure, you unintentionally pressed your legs closer to which Vinnie reacted with a quiet laugh and with one hand he hold your legs apart.

"You see what you were missing out on?" Vinnie looked at you before getting up and hugging you, planting a few small kisses on your hair and forehead. You could have felt his hardening dick through his pants which caused you to get wet again almost immediately. You moved your hand lower to touch him through his pants, making him quietly moan into your ear. That moan caused you to get goosebumps throughout your whole body. You weren't attracted to men moaning that much but Vinnie definitely woke something up inside you.

"I can help you with that," you whispered, slowly massaging him, to which he reacted with another moan before leaning to the space between your shoulder and neck, placing a small kiss on your naked skin. But as you continued and with the other hand started to push his pants and boxers down, he grabbed gently your hand to stop you from massaging him some more.

"I wanna come with you," he whispered, having his forehead against yours and looking you in your eyes. He looked so in love with you at that moment which you slightly ignored because of the situation between you.

"Okay then, fuck me, Vinnie," you whispered to his lips as you kissed him passionately and pulled both his pants and boxers lower. He had to laugh a little at how impatient you were.

He caught you by your thighs, moving you to the edge of the washing machine and kissing you again. There were so many emotions in those kisses but both of you knew that you won't be able to tell them out loud to each other. As he moved closer to you and pushed himself slowly into you, you could not hold the loud moan and neither did he.

"You feel so good." he was still holding your thigh, moving his hands to your waist to pull you more against him. You felt so good, maybe better than ever and leaned your head back, letting all the moans out. You did not care anymore who would hear you and even I moaned Vinnie's name.

"Someone will hear it, love," Vinnie said between breaths and on his lips appeared a cheeky smile. He definitely liked how you said his name so maybe that's the reason why he moved one of his hands to your clit. He knew what he was doing for sure because you felt your orgasm building up even quicker.

"I don't care that they will." you pulled Vinnie a bit closer when you put your arm around his neck." God, you fuck me so well, Vinnie."

"Say my name again love." he moaned, definitely getting closer as well, and so did you.

"Vinnie, please I am so close." it did not take long before both of your climaxes came. You were sure that was the best orgasm ever.

" I wanna do this again and again." he was looking into your eyes again. "You looked so good when you came." you had to smile a little, touching his cheek gently and with the other hand you pushed his hair behind his ear to see his face properly, you never quite looked at him from such a short distance.

"Okay then." you smiled at him which made him feel a bit confused. He did not think that there would be something more than just this one-night stand.

"Wait, really?" he looked really cute confused like this with a blush on his cheeks and heavy breathing.

"Yes, I think this little relationship or whatever it is we have, can work out." his eyes brightened before he kissed you quickly, making you laugh at his lips. He was always so serious when he was with you before but this was a nice change and you were willing to try it out. You were sure he would never hurt you just because of the look in his eyes. He loved you.

[georgiapeach30513]

You Were the One, Part 6

Summary:  Lloyd was there

Pairings:  Lloyd Hansen X Reader, Court Gentry X Reader

Rating:  🥺😢😡

Warnings:  language, TW miscarriage, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  2.2K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

A/N: If your name is in bold on the taglist, I couldn’t tag you for some reason.  I do have the blog @georgiapeach305132​ that I reblog only new fics.  You can always follow and turn on notificiations.

You grab at your stomach, wincing, and Lloyd’s eyes are on you quick. Walking closer to you, he presses his hand on your stomach, and you try and force a smile, “Call Fitzroy, the mission is off.”

“Lloyd, no. I’m fine. There’s such a thing as cramping during pregnancy. My uterus is stretching.”

“I’d rather be stretching out your pussy,” you playfully smack at his arm, giving off a pitiful growl, but he catches your hand, laughing at your pitiful attempt to touch him. “Let’s just call the mission off. Send Court here,” you huff out air, wanting to turn around, but he holds you to his front.

“He wants to show off how wonderful he is. Let him. This,” his hand splays out on your stomach, and for a moment you wished it was his baby growing inside of you. “This is more important than a fucking mission. We have nothing to prove. We’ve already proven how effective we are together.”

Your voice lets out an odd sound, as you try not to cry, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I needed him. Instead of us talking things through, he left. He left me and his…he left us. And he knows how easy it is for me to track him, and do you know where he went?”

Lloyd shakes his head regretfully, sure this isn’t going to be good, and even his hold on you tenses, “He went to Natasha’s house. He can talk to his work partner, but not his life partner? I’m begging him to just talk and listen, and he runs away. Probably the biggest thing that could happen in our life, and he’s running to another woman. He wants to accuse me of cheating on him with you. And I haven’t done anything but…”

You stop your train of thought realizing you were talking out loud, and Lloyd gives you a smirk, trying to lighten the mood, “Haven’t done anything but what? Thought about the way I would feel over you? All you gotta do is ask. You can have it.”

“Lloyd, I’m being serious. He…he left me and his child. And I…”

“Hey,” he pulls you close to him in a warm embrace, that hand never leaving your stomach. “I’m sorry. You know me enough to know that this is how I deal with strong emotions. Actually, I deal with them horribly with anyone else.”

“Why am I so special?”

He lifts your chin up to look at him, and the both of you gulp. Nothing being said, and still a life flashes in your mind with Lloyd. “I told you,” his voice break the silence, “you do more than tolerate me. We don’t have to stay with the agency. I can take you away from Court, from Fitzroy, Natasha, Dani. All of them. Just me and you honey. There wouldn’t have to be all these games”

“I’m pregnant with his child.”

“Is that all that’s holding you to him? I could,” he laughs at himself. Unsure if he wants to say it out loud, but when his hand on your stomach gives a little wiggle, you know. “I could raise them as mine.”

“You want kids?”

“With you.”

“Lloyd,” you whisper. Unable to say anything else, but he leans forward and presses his lips to your forehead, and you cling tighter to him. “You…we should. We’ve got a mission.”

“Think about it,” he says before he walks out of the room to go on location. No backup, and you hate having to be here alone, with all those words left unsaid, all the questions left unanswered, and only a vision of the two of you together floating in your mind.

“Honey, talk to me,” Lloyd grunts as he stealthily walks around the corner. “Honey? Twelve?” panic had set in the moment you let out a pained grunt, and went radio silent.

“Twelve?” he says louder, risking blowing his cover to make sure you were okay.

“Lloyd,” you croak out. Gripping at your stomach, doubled over in the floor. “Lloyd, something’s wrong.”

“Something like what?” he shoots a target quickly, starting to retreat to get back to you. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“It hurts. And I’m…I’m bleeding.”

“Mission’s off. Connect me to Fitzroy,” you stumble around trying to switch a line over to the agency. Pulling yourself up becoming more difficult, and when a blood curdling scream exits your mouth, Lloyd sets off on a fast run. “I’m on my way!”

He rushes to get to you, seeing you in the floor rolled up in a ball, he tries to push his emotions aside, tries not to let this bother him as much as it is, until you look at him with blood shot eyes, “Lloyd, it hurts.”

He scoops you up, rushing to the nearest hospital. His right hand holding onto you as he weaves through traffic. You still pretend it doesn’t hurt as much as it actually does. He can tell. He knows you’re in immense pain.

Pulling into the hospital, he carries you bridal style in the ER, “My wife, she — she’s fifteen weeks pregnant and bleeding.”

Nurses gather around you, and when you pull at his hand to stay with you, he never leaves your side. He’s made the decision that no matter what, he’s sticking by your side.

Lloyd’s thumb runs over your hand. Watching over you when you finally fell asleep. It wasn’t good news. He knew in time, you might be thankful that things ended this way, because you and Court didn’t need a child. He couldn’t even face you when he found out. He ran to some other woman.

He looks over at your vitals, and they’re steady, but he knew your heart was broken. There was something in those moments before he left, that made him fall even more. Wanted you to wake up and realize Court was not only holding you back, but he didn’t value you.

He could hear Court’s voice, before he saw him. Leaning over to kiss your forehead, lingering his lips there a moment, when you whimper, before he’s walking towards the door. “Move aside, Hansen, I need to….”

“Dani, you mind staying with her while I have a chat with Six here?” Dani gives a nod, and goes to sit beside you. He looks over to Natasha, and shakes his head, “It’s best, if maybe you went on home.”

“Don’t tell her what to do.”

“And don’t bring the woman you’ve been living with temporarily to your fiancé’s hospital bed. She’s resting, and while she’s resting, we need to talk.”

“I’ll talk after I see my fiancé, you asshole.”

“I’m not asking, I’m telling you, we’re going to talk. And if you could keep your fucking voice down. This is the first time she’s slept in twenty-four hours. Funny how it took you so long to get here.”

“I should go,” Nat speaks up, looking at Lloyd with a deep sadness. She knew she should have done something more. Begging Court to just go home, didn’t help. “Nothing happened.”

“Did she tell you how he’s accusing her of sleeping with me? Nothing had to happen. He made his fucking choice, and it was you,” Lloyd grips Court’s shirt, and he pulls him down the hallway. Slamming his body up against the wall, glaring at him.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Court screams at him. His fists clutched tightly, trying not to swing at him. “What. Is. Your. Fucking. Problem?”

“You! You’re my fucking problem. You parade that woman around the agency, saying my fiancé, my fiancé, but you don’t even fucking care! She told you she was pregnant, and what do you do? You run to fucking Natasha’s house.”

“Fitzroy told me. And I needed to talk to someone.”

“Quit your fucking whining and talk to her! That’s all she wants. She wants you to talk to her. And what did you do with Natasha?”

Court chuckles, shaking his head, “It’s not like that with me and Nat.”

“Do you realize how stupid you look? Accusing her of cheating, when it’s you running to another woman?”

“She runs to you!”

“When? On missions? That’s what partners do. I’m her partner because you pushed her away! Is it always someone else’s fault with you? I’ll admit, I think your fiancé is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, but I’ve never touched her like that. She needed you, Six. She needed you before she left for this mission, and she needed you today. I had to hold her hand through that, and it should have been you.”

“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want kids,” Lloyd rolls his eyes shaking his head. “I didn’t.”

“What were you using as protection? The pull out method? Then you weren’t doing a good job of preventing kids. You need to wake up, and pay attention to your fucking fiancé, before you lose her forever.”

“To you? Is that a threat? I’m not scared of you. It’s my bed she sleeps in every night.”

“And before this mission, she was sleeping in the bed alone, while you were with Natasha. You’re pushing her. Pushing her away, and you’re about to push her off the ledge, and you’ll lose her forever. This won’t be easy for her to get over. It was you she wanted, not me. She’s trying here. And she’s the only one. Tell her I’m going back home.”

“And Court,” Lloyd says turning his body to look at the man who stands there, “You don’t deserve her. She will find someone who values her worth, if you can’t.”

Court let’s those words sink in a moment. He never wanted a family. Never saw himself being a husband, and now here he was, and almost had everything he never wanted. Overwhelmed on what he should do, but one thing was certain, he didn’t want to have a life without you.

He walks back into the room, and you give him a tearful smile, “You got what you wanted,” your voice with an edge of bitterness. “Now you don’t have to worry about becoming a father.”

“Babe, this is not how I wanted this.”

“How did you want it then? I wanted that baby. Because I wanted a piece of you, and now I’m just pissed. Natasha? My fucking best friend? I needed you. I needed you. Not her. Me. Your fiancé,” you look down at your hand, and see that diamond mocking you. Your right hand goes to pull it off, and you hold it out for Court.

“Here. You can have this back. Because you told me exactly where your loyalty lies. I don’t want it. Just like I don’t want you.”

“Don’t do this,” he whispers shaking his head. Dani turns to look at him, unsure of what she should do.

“You did this. I’m just finishing the fucking mission,” you start pulling out your IVs unable to look at him anymore. No desire to even be around him anymore. You were pissed and bitter. A scary combination.

Court’s eyes turn from being soft, to just anger. Hands on his hips, “You’re running to Lloyd, aren’t you? I knew this would happen. You’ve slept with him, and can’t even look at me.”

“I’ve never touched Lloyd. And where I go is none of your business anymore. We’re done. Over. You can find you someone else. You don’t want to communicate anything with you anymore. You just want to accuse me of things. I trust you, Court. I know you were at Nat’s and I just assume you and her didn’t do anything.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he gives you a fake smirk, and you slap him across his face.

“You’re a fucking pig. Don’t call me,” your voice low, and you want to scream at him, but you slam that engagement ring in his hand before you leave. You’re no longer his problem.

“Did you really sleep with Natasha?” Dani asks walking up to Court.

“No. Of course I didn’t. But…”

“You’re an idiot. I can’t condone this, Six. She’s right in leaving your ass. You just don’t know when to quit. She was in the hospital for miscarrying your baby! And all you do is accuse her of an affair, and lie and say that you had one. I’d choose Lloyd, too. Did you even notice how he was looking at her when she was asleep? When was the last time you did that? Stupid men. I always have your back. Not this time. And now dragging Nat in on it. Ugh! Go talk to your superior.”

With your hand on the wheel, you take a deep breath. You didn’t know where to go, and sure a hotel would have been a great idea, but you really didn’t want to be alone. And no one makes you feel more like a human than him.

Grabbing what little belongings you were able to snatch up at yours and Court’s apartment before he came home, you walk up his steps. With a knock to the door, he opens it, giving you that arrogant smile.

“I didn’t know where else to go. I just need…I just want to sleep all day in your arms.”

“Come on, Honey,” he grabs your hand, and turns back around to stare at you. Lifting that hand up to see it bare of a diamond. “I’m not your rebound.”

“I just want to be held. Only you give me that much comfort.”

“Don’t get in my bed thinking I’m going to make things better, and you just run back to Court. I can’t handle that.”

“That’s not what I’m doing, Lloyd. I’m not dating anyone. I’m single. I’m also not dating you.”

“For now. But right now, let’s just get you in the bed. I mean it. I need an open dialogue with you. I know you’re not done with Sierra Six,” you nod your head, because you’re pretty sure, you’re done. You want nothing else from him. “To bed.”

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @bookwormchick91 @whimsyplaty92 @bambamwolf87 @curlycarley  @infatuatedjanes @8oopsiedaisy8 @spider-thot0115 @tryingtosurvivestuff @sstan-hoe @xcaptain-winterx @buckysteveloki-me @sgtjaamesbaarnes @writing-for-marvel @alwaysclassyeagle @mrsharringtonmunson @jlc3276 @elrw24 @sgtjaamesbaarnes 

[badassbuchanan]

My Girl

Request: Could you writer some sort of frenemies thing with Bucky where everyone thinks you hate each other but then Loki starts flirting with you and it makes Bucky really jealous??

Warnings: smut; non!con turned fucking sickly sweet, fingering, slut shaming, unprotected sex, doggy, missionary, dirty talk, angst.

Word count: 7968

A/N: I apologise for messing with your hearts like this - I also strayed a bit from the request (sorry anon!) x

“Buchanan, you fucker!” Y/N yelled from across the compound moments before Bucky strutted into the boardroom with a roll of his eyes.

The rest of the team’s head’s turned to follow the loud noise of Y/N yelling, watching the long haired super soldier enter the room with a smug look on his face.

“Not again.” Bruce sighed softly, his head falling into his hand as he prepared himself for another bickering match between Y/N and Bucky. 

“Don’t you walk away from me.” Y/N followed Bucky into the room, her eyes fixed on the back of his head as he casually made his way over to the others. 

“Guys, cut it out.” Tony spoke sternly, trying to control the two avengers who were constantly at each other’s throats. 

“Just wait until you hear what he said.” Y/N looked over at Tony who’s palms were pressed against the edge of the large conference table. He shook his head, looking between the two is disbelief. 

“I don't ca-”

“Don’t be such a baby.” Bucky retaliated to Y/N childishly before Tony could speak. The super soldier slumped down in the empty seat next to Cap, his eyes focused on her from across the room as his elbows rested on the arm rests of the swivel chair. Neither of them cared that they’d bought the whole room into the argument. “All I said was I’d rather take my chances with spider-boy than have Y/N as my partner on a mission.” 

“This is coming from the guy who couldn’t even hold on to a train.” She growled as she pulled out the seat next to Nat, who was smiling an amusement at how well Y/N stood up for herself. Bucky scoffed at her comment, shaking his head as he thought of something to anger her further.

Peter’s face screwed up in shock after realising his name had been mentioned, his arms coming up to cross over his body defensively. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked as a devious smile appear on Bucky’s face. Peter glanced over at Tony for help, but he was too annoyed to care about the youngest avenger’s feelings. 

“It means-” Y/N words were cut off by a loud bang of Tony’s hand hitting the desk. The sound made everyone jolt slightly, the room immediately silencing.

“Enough!” He yelled furiously, eyebrows furrowing into a frown as he glared between the bickering pair. “I didn’t call this meeting to hear you two fight. You’re already late, now stop acting like children and listen up.” 

Y/N bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop the laughter that was building up inside of her from hearing Tony yell as she glared over at Bucky.

“Asshole.” She mouthed to Bucky, who was already smirking at the fact that they’d been told off like toddlers. 

“Snitch.” He whispered back cheekily, secretly liking the way he knew it would make her laugh. Bucky liked being the only reason she got frustrated, wound up and tense. But he also liked being the only reason she smiled, laughed and blushed.

Bucky had this hold on Y/N that couldn’t be explained. She’d tried to reason with herself, telling her inner-self it was just her caring nature that made her feel sorry for him, even when he was a complete dick to her. He was constantly doing things to purposely annoy her or to get a reaction. It gave him a thrill. Like a power trip that sent pleasure to his brain. And he took advantage of that any chance he got.

“Now, over the past few weeks the threats from the Beyonders have increased noticeably.” Tony stood up straight, tugging his collar back into place as he clicked the button of the control he was holding. The screen changed, a mathematical graph appearing to prove Tony’s point. 

Y/N chanced a glance over at Bucky, his fingers on each hand intwined as he swivelled lightly in the chair. God, he was so infuriating. There wasn’t a day that went by without him getting on her last nerve. He frustrated her beyond belief. But for some twisted reason, she loved it. 

“Now we don’t know a lot about who they are, what they want or where they came from.” Tony continued, the room dead silent as he flicked to the next slide.

Bucky bit the inside of his lip, a frown appearing on his brows as he zoned out to what Tony was saying. He was bored already, deciding to look down at his metal hand as he wiggled his fingers to amuse himself, studying the mechanics of it.

He felt a pair of eyes burning into him, glancing over to Y/N. A smug smile washed over his face when he noticed her already looking at him. He gave her a quick wink, pouting his lips into a kissing motion as she rolled her eyes. 

“So, we’ve had to call on the help of an old acquaintance.” Tony turned to face the team again, his fingers lightly tapping on the table in front of him as his eyes darted around the room. Luckily by that point, Y/N and Bucky had both turned their eyes back to the spokesman. 

Tony’s tongue quickly darted out to the corner of his mouth, the unknown reaction of the team was making him anxious.

“Excuse me, Mr Stark. Thor and Loki have just landed. Should I send them in?” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice came through the intercom, immediately causing a few murmurs from the team. 

“Loki’s here?” Y/N’s eyes lit up immediately as she looked up at Tony for confirmation. Bucky’s head shot round to where she sat, eyebrows furrowing as he wondered who the hell Loki was and why Y/N was so excited to see him. 

“You called Loki?” Steve almost shot up out of his chair, a look of betrayal on his face as he stared at Tony, waiting for an explanation. “Tony, he is not an acquaintance.” 

The fact that Steve was so put off by the mention of Loki had Bucky even more concerned. If Steve had a problem with him, so did he. Especially since Y/N liked him. As the room grew louder in outbursts of resentment regarding Tony’s decision, so did Bucky’s brain. 

He watched Y/N try and fix her hair subtly, sitting up straighter in her chair as an unusual feeling flooded through him. He wasn't angry, but he sure as hell wasn’t happy. 

The beep of the boardroom door opening quickly silenced the group, Y/N’s head turning to watch the God of Thunder walk into the room. “Hello everyone.” Thor nodded with a sweet smile, pleased to be back with his friends again. “Good to see you all.”

It was almost as if a cold wind engulfed the room as Bucky watched the dark haired, chiseled faced, pale god strut into the room. Bucky’s jaw clenched, his eyes darkening as he felt a wave of overwhelming hate flood through his body. He noticed Loki’s hair was longer than his own. His eyes brighter. His smile wider. His jaw sharper. 

“Greetings, all.” His voice was slicker. He was charismatic. He was charming. He was everything Bucky wasn’t and he fucking hated him. Bucky felt his heartbeat quicken as he watched Loki greet everyone individually, stopping in his tracks as he reached Y/N’s chair. 

She’d turned to face him, her eyes lit up like fireworks as she looked up at the god of mischief who had put his hands over his mouth. “My god,” Loki gasped softly as he pulled his best puppy dog face, leaning his hands on the arms of Y/N chair to get close to her. “Y/N, you look more beautiful every time I see you, my love.” 

Bucky felt his jaw clench so tight he was sure it would break. His hands closed into tight fists as he sat up a little straighter in his chair. He was livid. Livid at the fact that this green-eyed hot shot thought he could waltz in and steal Y/N away from him. Bucky was the only one that made her smile. He was the only one that got to have her attention. 

“Oh, Loki, stop, you’re making me blush.” She giggled softly and wrapped her arms around his neck like they belonged there. Loki turned his face towards her, leaving a gentle kiss on her flushed cheek before he stood back up. Bucky had never made her giggle like that. He’d never kissed her cheek before. He’d spent every damn day with her and he never got her to blush like a little school girl.

“Maybe later you can show me your favourite spots and we can talk about what's changed since I was last here.” Loki spoke softly, taking Y/N’s hand in his as he pulled it against his chest dotingly.

A few snickers broke out from the rest of the team, not surprised one bit at Loki and Y/N’s interaction. Believe it or not, Y/N wasn’t Loki’s biggest fan. She would never actually progress their friendship to anything more than flirting, deep down she didn’t trust him just as much as Steve didn’t. But Y/N did love the attention that Loki gave her. How he treated her like a princess and devoted himself to her every word. She liked how he complimented her and made a fuss. She liked how he made her feel special in a room full of people.

But all that Bucky saw unravelling in front of his eyes was the start of one of those soppy rom-coms that he despised. “We have training later, Y/N.” His words came out a lot more aggressive than he originally intended. 

The whole room’s attention turned to him, straight faced and stiffened body. Loki stood up straight as a glimmer shone in his eyes. He noticed how on edge the super soldier looked.

“Yeah, we’ll still have time to train, Bucky.” She spoke with a level of concern, noticing the unusual seriousness on Bucky’s face. “I wouldn’t skip on the opportunity to kick your ass.” She smirked, face immediately dropping as she watched Bucky quickly divert his eyes away, not entertaining her with his usual sarcastic response.

“Bucky?” Loki’s voice was low as thoughts flew through his brain at a million miles per hour. He smiled deviously, eyes squinting as his heart jumped at the chance to cause mischief. “James Buchanan Barnes. The winter soldier.” 

Bucky clenched his jaw again as his eyes flickered up to Loki before back to the table, he could feel his anger bubbling over. Loki had been getting under his skin ever since he walked through the damn door. 

“Hydra’s most successful experiment, their deadliest weapon.” Loki made a quick move around the table to stand in front of Bucky, his eyes widening with excitement as he held his hand out in front of him. “May I say what a pleasure it is to meet you.”

Steve noticed Bucky’s metal hand grip tightly around the arm of his chair as he politely lifted his flesh arm to quickly shake Loki’s hand. Bucky smiled as he momentarily looked up at the long haired god, using all of his will power to stay calm. 

“How did it feel to know how many people you killed once you got your mind back?” Loki’s words were slow and full of deviance as Bucky’s metal arm began whirring into action. 

Y/N watched worriedly, she annoyed the crap out of Bucky all the time, but she’d never seen him so angry. Her heart sunk as she watched Bucky’s eyes darken, a soft, lost look on his face that disappeared so quick she almost thought she’d imagined it.

Steve’s eyes widened as he watched the event unfold. “I think that’s enough chit chat, Loki.” He spoke sternly, Loki’s eyes immediately glancing over to Steve. He knew the fact that Steve had to step in meant he’d done a good job of infuriating Bucky. “Why don’t you just get on with what you came here to do.” 

Loki stayed silent, pleased with his work as he flickered quick a smile, striding back up to the front of the room where Tony stood. 

“The Beyonders are a race of extra-dimensional entities powerful enough to collect planets.” Loki went straight into ‘business mode’, his charismatic nature immediately made most of the room forget what he’d just said to Bucky.

But Steve was concerned, and embarrassingly enough, so was Y/N. Yes, she loved to aggravate Bucky, wind him up until he was chasing her down the hallway or whining at her to stop being a brat. But it was never to hurt him, she made sure of that. Not like what Loki had just done. She tried to silently get his attention by glancing over at him every now and then, but Bucky’s eyes didn’t budge from the table. 

“Their nature is so alien that they are unable to leave their own dimension and for millennia were never observed by any being of the Earth dimension.” Loki continued to teach the team about the threat they were facing, the room silent as mostly everyone paid attention. “To interact with the Earth dimension they must operate through agents.”

“So basically, what Loki is saying is, it’s not just one race we’re up against here. It’s gunna be a big ass battle.” Tony interjected Loki’s speech, he’d read the room enough to know he’d lost the attention of three of his avengers already. There was no need for this to continue. “That’s all you need to know for now. We’ll regroup tomorrow for another meeting. Thank you, Loki.” 

The team stood up, casually making their way out of the room after Tony had ended the meeting. Y/N lagged behind, watching Steve and Sam mumbling something incoherent to Bucky.

By the looks of things he didn’t want to listen to what they had to say, the long haired super soldier pushed past his oldest friend with a frown on his face, not lifting his eyes even once as he left the room.

Y/N sighed as she watched Bucky storm out of the room, she’d never seen him act out so much, he was always so internal with his emotions. She didn’t like the way Loki brought up Bucky’s past in front of everyone like that. She almost felt protective over Bucky, like she was the only one who should be able to tease him about that kind of stuff.

The look on Bucky’s face when Loki had mentioned the Winter Soldier’s assassinations made Y/N’s heart ache. It was as if everything came flooding back to him in an instant, like a bad dream he couldn’t wake up from. 

Y/N and Bucky had never discussed such personal things, no way. She didn’t know that he suffered from PTSD, flashbacks and social anxiety. She didn’t know about the nights he lay awake haunted by his past. All she saw was a grumpy looking soldier who only smiled when he was making fun of her.

“Darling,” Loki’s sudden call to her knocked Y/N out of her thoughts. Her head was forced to turn to the side by the god of mischief, whose hands were on her shoulders. He smiled down at her dotingly, eyes bright as he fed her attention-needy ego. “What do you say we make the most of this alone time we’ve been so generously given, hm?”

She smiled softly up at him, although her eyes were glazed over as her mind wandered off again. “Sorry Loki, but I should go and get ready for training.” Her voice was monotone and quiet as she suddenly wasn’t so interested in the attention of the man in front of her. 

She left the room and wandered through the compound, stopping in her tracks when she saw Sam, Steve and Nat talking in the kitchen. “Hey, Steve.” Y/N called out, confused as to why she was suddenly so concerned about the metal armed man. 

As all three of the avenger’s heads turned to where she was standing, Y/N began second guessing her decision to ask if Bucky was okay. She hated Bucky, he annoyed the shit out of her. Even if she asked, the team would just think she was asking to make sure he wasn’t okay. What if they thought she’d take Loki’s side? Or worse. What if they thought she’d set Loki up to hurt Bucky? Even worse than that. What if Bucky thought Y/N had set Loki up to hurt him? 

“Never mind.” She sighed as she bit the inside of her lip, continuing her walk through the compound until she reached her room. 

She quickly changed into a red sports bra with navy detailing and leggings to match. She looked in the mirror after tying her training shoes and tied her hair into a high pony tail. She turned around, shamelessly checking out her ass before making her way down to the training room. 

She waited for a whole half an hour for Bucky to show, but he never did. She stood up from where she’d eventually laid down on the rubber floor mat, she couldn’t help but feel guilty about what had happened earlier. Bucky obviously blamed her, why else wouldn’t he show? He’d never been late before. 

“He didn’t show, huh?” Y/N glanced up as Steve walked into the room, tight grey top and black shorts. 

She shook her head, lifting her arms to tighten her pony tail before placing her hands on her hips. “Any idea where he is?” 

“In his room.” Steve shrugged, knowing that’s where Bucky spent most of his time. He started throwing controlled practice punches at the punching bag in front of him, stopping as he watched Y/N walk towards the door. “Maybe take it easy on him. I know he can annoy you sometimes but, I just think he’s having a bad day.” 

She couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle as she turned back to face Steve, he really thought she was going to yell at him for not showing up to training. She couldn’t blame him for thinking that, any other day and that's probably exactly what she would’ve done. “Loki was really out of line earlier, I actually just want to make sure Bucky’s okay.” 

Steve smiled proudly at her from where he was taping up his hands, nodding slightly as if he were giving her the ‘go ahead’. There weren’t many people, even living in the compound, that would be willing to go out of their way to make sure Bucky was okay. It was partly his own fault, he was very stand-offish. 

“Come in.” Y/N was surprised when she heard Bucky’s voice call out from beyond the door after she’d knocked. Honestly, she wasn’t expecting a response. 

She opened the door slowly, noticing his neatly kept room with minimal belongings. She looked over Bucky who was standing by the foot of his bed, he was wearing different clothes from earlier. That, his slicked back hair and the scent of peppermint told Y/N that he’d just had a shower. 

“What do you want?” Bucky mumbled bluntly, turning his back to her as he walked over to his desk to grab a newspaper. Y/N shut the door behind her quietly, watching as he glared at her before diverting his eyes away. He rubbed his face in his hand, sighing out of frustration when she didn’t answer. “I said what do you want?” 

“Woah, at ease soldier.” She chuckled lightly, trying to make a joke to calm her nerves. She’d never been in Bucky’s room before. She’d never genuinely asked him about his feelings. She had no clue how he’d react. What if he made fun of her? “So this is why you bailed on our training, huh?” She smiled softly, pointing at the newspaper in his hand. 

“I’m surprised you even noticed I wasn’t there.” Bucky scoffed out spitefully, referring to Loki asking to spend time with her. 

“Of course I noticed.” Y/N frowned in confusion, watching Bucky roll his eyes as he slammed the newspaper back on the table. 

“Why? Because you and your boyfriend didn’t have anyone to make fun of?” Bucky raised his voice, eyes squinting in anger as glared at her from where he stood. “Is that why you’re here now, hm? Didn’t get enough time to piss me off earlier? Or do you just wanna see how far you can push me before I snap?”

“Loki is not my boyfriend.” She screwed her face up, raising her voice to match his as she waved her hands in the air.

“Yeah, well, you suit each other.” Bucky snapped back sarcastically, a deep crease between his eyebrows formed as he frowned. 

Y/N clenched her jaw, a burning heat rising up in her as her anger took control. “I came here to make sure you were okay, asshole!” She yelled furiously back at him, crossing her arms defensively.

“Oh yeah? Since when do you care about me?” Bucky spoke sarcastically, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he crossed his arms and waited for her response.

“Believe it or not, Bucky, some of us do care about you!” She snapped back at his sarcasm, her chest heaving with fury as she watched him immediately jolt off of the wall. “Normal people care about people other than themselves.”

“And I don’t?” His voice lowered drastically, he started walking towards her as if she were his prey. “Why? Because I have no feelings?” He clenched his fists by his sides, watching her press her back against the door as he stalked closer.

“I don’t know! No one knows what goes on in that cyborg brain of yours!” She argued, agrivated that she had tried to do the right thing by coming to see him, but his stubbornness was causing an argument.

“So that’s how you see me, huh? A robot with no emotion? An empty vessel? A killing machine?” Y/N gasped as Bucky’s metal hand tightened around her throat, pushing her head back against the door harshly. Her eyes widened innocently, trying to regain her breath as his face came square with hers. “You don’t know shit about me. About the constant fucking torture inside my head.”

“You didn’t kill those people, Bucky, it was Hydra. I saw the way you looked like a scared little puppy when Loki mentioned the-“

“The what?” Bucky growled huskily, keeping her head in place as his eyes stared into hers. He watched her pupils dialate as he squeezed the sides of her neck with his metal fingers.

His heart had stopped for a moment when she’d told him that Hydra was the one she blamed for what he’d done. He didn’t expect anyone to think that way, especially not her. A wave of emotion flooded through him, not jealously this time, but...what? Whatever it was, it caused butterflies in his tummy.

Bucky felt his cock twitch slightly at the sight of her submitting it him, for once in her life not fighting him. “The winter soldier?” Bucky whispered into her ear, Y/N’s eyes closing as she started to feel her pussy tingle. “Is that what this is all about? You wanna meet him? Wanna see me turn into a monster? Watch the light disappear from my eyes as I fucking destroy you?”

She couldn’t explain why his threats turned her on, all she knew was that she’d never been so aroused in her life. Her chest was heaving as he whispered in her ear, her panties flooding as his metal arm choked her.

The look she gave Bucky sent his head into a spin. She looked so helpless and innocent beneath his hand, but there was a hint of desire in her eyes. She wanted him, she wanted to please him, she wanted him to take whatever he wanted from her.

“You don’t scare me.” She whimpered softly, her lips parting as she tried to breathe. Bucky’s eyes flickered over her lips as an uncontrollable urge to kiss her washed over him.

“Still so mouthy.” He shook his head with a tut, their lips almost touching as he jolted his hand, pushing her head against the wall with more force. She let out a small cry. “You know there are other ways to get attention, baby.”

Y/N’s arousal was soaking through the material covering her crotch, her pebbled nipples rubbing against her sports bra. “Well it’s not my fault you’re always pissing me off.” She whispered bravely, her eyes fixed on his which had grown noticeably darker.

“Oh?” Bucky arched his eyebrow, tilting his head back slightly to assert his dominance. “You don’t like when I wind you up? When I say things to purposely get you to snap?” He leaned his head down, his lips tickling the delicate skin just behind where his fingers finished pressing into her neck. 

Y/N listened closely to his words, realising that Bucky hadn’t been treating her that way because he hated her. He hadn’t been constantly on at her because he didn’t get along with her. In fact, he did it because he knew exactly what she liked. Exactly what kind of interactions she thrived off of. The kind that would always bring her back for more. 

Bucky took her silence as an agreement, a smirk playing on his lips as he continued kissing her neck softly. “I know exactly what gets you going, don’t I?” He continued, finally letting go of her neck as his metal arm trailed down her chest. 

Y/N let out a shaky breath as her throat was now unrestricted, her eyes dropping to where his hand was on her. Bucky’s flesh palm was planted firmly on the wall next to her head, trapping her there. 

“Is that why you’re always so frustrated around me? Hm? Constantly coming back for more?” He kissed her cheek, almost affectionately as he watched her squirm under his touch. “Such a needy little attention whore.” 

She didn’t bite back, her head lifted to lean against the wall, her thighs desperately rubbing together to relieve some of the tension building between her thighs. She liked it.

Bucky chuckled deeply, looking down at where his fingers had dropped to play with the waistband of her exercise leggings. He hooked the tips of his metal fingers inside, entertaining himself as he looked back up at her. “Tell me honestly, baby, whose attention do you crave most?” 

“Yours.” She whimpered desperately, not even taking a moment to think. His lips ghosted over hers, his eyes big and innocent as he brushed their noses together. 

“Not that green goblin who calls himself a god?” Bucky tested as he stepped closer, their bodies touching as his hand pressed against her lower stomach. She whimpered at the feeling of his cold metal fingers on her bare skin, so close to where she needed him most. 

“No.” She submitted to him instantly, shaking her head as Bucky slowly pushed his hand further down into her pants. 

He stopped when he reached the band of her panties, a loud gulp erupted from Y/N’s throat as Bucky teased her even more. “You sure? S’not too late to go running back to him.” 

“No, Bucky, I want you.” She breathed out shakily, almost crying in frustration as Bucky licked his lips, her words were like music to his ears. Her hand came down to rest on his lower tummy, feeling his muscles through the thin material of his t-shirt. 

“Why, Y/N?” He growled as their breaths hit each others lips, she clawed softly at his stomach, overwhelmed with pleasure before he’d even begun. “Tell me why you want me and not him.” 

She felt exhausted, like her body could collapse at any moment. She was in a euphoric state from his light touches and words alone. She looked down at his lips, her eyes half shut as she grabbed hold of his metal wrist, pushing his hand down into her panties. 

Y/N let out a soft moan as his metal fingers slipped between her slick folds, her head hitting the wall with a thud. She looked up at Bucky, watching his eyes fall to where his hand disappeared into her leggings. His brows were furrowed in a frown, his mouth slightly hung open as he slipped his fingers deeper into her. “Because only you make me wet.” 

Bucky lost control, pushing his lips against hers in a desperate kiss as two of his metal fingers slipped into her hole. Y/N moaned into the kiss, her hand flying up to hold the back of his neck, pulling him down harder onto her lips. If only he’d known. If only he’d known that every cocky remark, every teasing comment left her this wet. 

“God, if Id’ve known all it took to shut you up was my fingers in your wet little hole I would’ve fucked you a long time ago.” Bucky chuckled darkly, his words were condescending. He pushed his tongue between her lips, a growl escaping his throat as she sucked on his warm muscle. 

His fingers moved in and out of her aching pussy, his whole hand drenched in her arousal. Y/N whimpered when he curled his fingers inside of her, hitting a spot of pleasure that she didn't know was there. 

“Bucky.” She moaned against his lips, her hips bucking into his hand as his thumb moved to rub her throbbing clit. She tugged on his hair, her arms resting on his shoulders as she steadied herself. 

“You wanna cum, don’t you?” He asked smugly, tilting his head before pressing their lips together sensually. “You wanna cum all over metal hand, you horny little slut.” 

“Yeah.” She whimpered out breathlessly, sucking on his top lip as she rocked her hips against his hand, pushing them further inside of her. “Make me cum, please, Bucky.” 

“I’m the only one who gets to touch you like this, you hear me?” Bucky growled into her mouth, biting down on her lip hard enough to hurt. He felt Y/N’s hips rut against his hand again, a smile appearing on his lips as he felt how desperate she was. 

She whimpered, her back arching off of the wall as she rolled her hips toward him. She looked up into his eyes innocently, like he was the only person in the world.

Bucky felt his cock pressing harshly against the material of his track pants, desperate for attention. He watched her bounce on his fingers, her hand moving from his shoulder to pull the tight material of her sports bra over her tits, letting them bounce freely.

Bucky’s eyes darkened at the sight of her boobs, his fingers speeding up inside her tight pussy as he met every movement of her hips. “Fuck yourself on my hand, just like that, make yourself cum.”

Her thighs clenched around his hand, controlling his movements as she clung to his wrist, fucking herself on his hand just like he’d told her to. “Shit, Bucky.”

Y/N clenched rapidly around his metal fingers, his thumb harshly pressed against her sensitive nub as she felt her orgasm taking over.

She leaned in to press her lips against his, hoping to muffle the moans, but Bucky was too fast. He moved his head out of reach, smiling down at her deviously as she came.

Her moans filled the room, her nails digging in to his shoulder as she bucked her hips unrhythmatically into his palm. “Fuck.” She whimpered as she clung to his chest, trying to calm down from the overwhelming sensation.

Bucky pulled his fingers out of her before she could even catch a breath, little moans escaping her lips as she watched him suck his fingers soaked in her juices.

“Shit.” He breathed heavily as he looked down at where his fingers had just been, a noticble wet patch covering the material of her leggings. “You’re so fucking wet, soaked right through your leggings.”

Y/N whimpered in response, tugging his metal hand down to her mouth as she sucked on his fingers. Bucky clenched his jaw as he watched her submissively take his fingers, her soft plump lips wrapping around them.

“Bucky,” she breathed shakily as he pulled his fingers from her mouth to hold her hips. She wrapped her hands around his biceps as she pulled body against hers. “I want you to fuck me.”

He smiled darkly at her desperate state, his cock throbbing as he tilted his head to the side. “It’s gunna hurt.” He chuckled, enjoying the thought of impaling her on his cock. 

“Good,” She pouted as she ran her hands down his muscular form, desperate to feel his cock in her hand. “I want it to hurt.”

Bucky immediately caught on to what she was doing, his hands quickly moving to grab her wrists tightly. He skilfully used his strength to spin her around, her exposed chest pressing hard against the wall as he held her hands behind the small of her back.

Y/N let out a small cry, his body pressed tightly against her back. She felt the outline of his cock pressing against her ass cheek as she ground back into him. 

“Don’t you dare try and take control.” Bucky growled deeply, his head dropping as he watched his bulge rub against her. 

Bucky groaned at the feeling, he let go of her wrists, her palms moving to press against the wall. His hands quickly moved to pull the waistband of her leggings and panties down to free her ass. 

He gulped loudly as he watched the wetness pool down onto her panties. Bucky had to stop himself from dropping to his knees and fucking her with his tongue. 

“Come on Bucky,” Y/N whined desperately as she kicked her bottoms off the rest of the way, almost crying out of frustration. “Don’t you wanna fuck the brat out of me?” She turned her head to look at him, biting her lip as she watched him tugging on his cock that he’d pulled out of the confinements of his pants. 

He was huge. Her lips parted in a gasp as she took in the beauty of his cock. She had to stop herself from turning around and sucking him off. Bucky lifted his flesh hand up to her mouth, watching as she obediently licked a strip up his palm with her tongue. 

Bucky looked her almost naked form up and down, moving his wet hand to lubricate his cock as he tugged himself off. “God, you make me so wet, Bucky.” She moaned sensually, spreading her legs a little wider as she felt her juices running down the inside of her thigh. 

He closed his eyes, letting his metal fingers dig into her hip as he positioned himself behind her, lining his tip up with her dripping heat. He bit his lip, forcing his cock into her tight walls as she moaned like a pornstar for him.

“Oh, yes.” She screamed at the feeling of his thick length stretching her pussy. “Fuck, Bucky.” She felt his cock twitch inside of her, encouraging her to moan louder. She closed her eyes, leaning her cheek against the cold wall as she tried to adjust to his monstrous size. 

“Good girl, let everyone know who you belong to.” Bucky moaned as he stilled, fully sheathed inside of her. Her pussy clenched around him, hugging his thick shaft trying to milk him of his cum. 

“You’re so big.” She whimpered submissively, trying to stop her hips from jolting to get used to his cock throbbing inside of her. Bucky could tell that she was already fucked out, his cock was too much for her to take. But for once, she wasn’t answering him back or being a pain in his ass. She was begging him. 

Bucky bit down on his bottom lip as he suddenly began moving his hips in and out of her, the action easy because of how wet she was. He held her hips in place as she cried out, still trying to adjust to his size. Her tits bounced as she lost control of her body, pushing her palm harder against the wall as she steadied herself. 

“No, Bucky, wait.” She whimpered, moving her other hand back to push his hip back, needing a little more time to adjust. A dull ache took over her pussy as he fucked her relentlessly, easily fighting against where her hand was pushing him away. 

“You said you wanted it to hurt.” He growled dominantly, pulling her hips back against his cock as he fucked into her, treating her like his own little sex doll. His cock twitched at the sound of her erotic moans filling the room loudly, a grunt erupting from his lips as he watched his cock disappear into her pussy. 

Her clit throbbed with pleasure, her ass being pulled back harshly against his skin. Slapping sounds grew louder with her pussy still dripping with arousal, his cock easily slipping in and out of her. 

“I do,” She breathed heavily, her head spinning with pleasure as she dropped her hand from his hip, the feeling of needing to help him feel better overwhelming her senses. “Take it all out on me, Buck.” 

His hips didn’t let up, fucking deep into her as he felt a different feeling flow through his body. He looked at the girl in front of him, so ready to help him fuck away his problems. So ready to help him, where most people would’ve run.

Bucky’s heart felt like mush, a moan leaving his lips as Y/N arched her back into his touch. He moved his body forward to press his chest flush against her back, his metal hand pressing into the wall.

He’d pushed his cock deeper into her with the new angle, another loud moan of his name escaping her lips as she leaned her head back against his shoulder.

Bucky felt her pussy clenching around him again, his flesh arm wrapping around her chest to hug her tighter against him. She started circling her hips on his cock, a deep growl came from his chest as he fucked her.

“Did you mean it?” He whispered into her ear, fucking deep inside of her as he made her moan for him. She whimpered softly, her eyes closing in pure bliss as she felt his cock pressing against her cervix. 

She turned her head towards him, her eyes darkened and fucked out as she looked at his face. His stubble scratched her cheek, his eyes glistening in the dull light of the room. He waited for an answer for what seemed like a lifetime, his thrusts getting rougher as he clenched his thighs. 

“Did you mean it?” He repeated the question, feeling his balls slapping against her skin. Y/N looked up into his eyes, noticing the softness in them which wasn’t there before. “Did you mean it when you said you’re not scared of me?”

A warm feeling flooded Y/N’s heart as she saw that look again - the scared puppy look that she’d seen when Loki mentioned the winter soldier. Her chest tightened around itself, the pain in his eyes was so deep it almost hurt her to see. 

“Yes,” She nodded softly, her hand moving to play with his hair as she watched Bucky’s eyes flicker down to her lips. “Of course I meant it.” Her eyebrows raised, almost to confirm her sincerity as she pressed her lips to his. 

Bucky sighed in relief as he felt her lips against his, embarrassingly too shy to do it himself. He deepened his thrusts, hugging her body as he fucked up into her. But now it was more than fucking, it was like they were connected on a completely different level. Like they understood each other more than anyone else would ever understand them. Y/N had never seen this side of him before and it was making her fall in love. and that scared her.

She pushed her ass back against him, moaning into the kiss as she felt his cock twitching inside her walls. She knew she was close, her clit tingling at the full feeling of his length fucking her. Bucky knew it too, he felt the way she was squeezing around him. 

He felt an overwhelming amount of emotion coursing through his veins, his heart almost beating out of his chest as he slid his cock out of her. Before she could protest, Bucky spun Y/N to face him, his chest heaving as she pressed her hand against his peck. 

“Do you think you could ever love me?” He nudged her nose with his, looking down at the floor as he breathed shakily. Her eyes saddened at his vulnerability, wondering how many times that thought had crossed his mind, thinking the answer was no. “Do you think anyone could ever love me?” 

“God, you’re such a fucking idiot sometimes, Barnes.” She sighed with a sad smile, a little chuckle escaping her lips as Bucky looked up at her eyes in a moment of bravery. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling his automatically move to hold her hips. She felt his throbbing cock against her crotch, ignoring the sexual desire as she focused on taking care of his feelings. “Of course I love you.” She admitted shyly, the flush on her cheeks not just from the raw fucking. 

Bucky tried to control the smile from beaming on his face, but he failed miserably. She looked up at the handsome soldier, her heart skipping a beat knowing she was the reason for his happiness. “Why else do you think I constantly bug you? Or instantly forgive you for all the things you do to make me mad, hm?” She played with his hair as Bucky licked his lips, admiring her through hooded eyes. 

She squealed as Bucky suddenly pressed his lips against hers deeply, giggling like a little school girl as he picked her up by her thighs. Bucky’s heart fluttered at the sound of her laughing, her hand cupping his stubble-covered face as she tilted her head into the kiss. 

Bucky turned them around, walking them over to his bed as he flicked his tongue between her parted lips. She moaned into the kiss, feeling herself falling before her back landed on the soft mattress. 

She opened her eyes when Bucky took his lips away, a small pouty smile on her lips as she watched him lifting his shirt over his head. She ran her hand down his bare chest as Bucky threw the material to the floor. 

Y/N took the opportunity to lift her sports bra the rest of the way off, letting it join Bucky’s t-shirt. He sat up between her legs, admiring her now fully naked form as he tugged his tracksuit pants off. 

Bucky hovered back over her, his hands coming to rest either side of her head as he followed her eyes to where his metal arm fused with his skin. He gulped loudly as her hand came up towards the modification, her eyes meeting his to ask for permission. 

Bucky nodded nervously, still in slight disbelief that she hadn’t run away yet. He felt her soft fingers trace the frame of the metal shoulder, following the boarder which connected to his flesh. His heart skipped a beat as she watched a soft smile cover her face, moving her eyes back up to meet his. “It’s so beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.” He smiled down at her bashfully, moving his hand to grab hold of hers as he leaned down towards her lips. 

“My goodness, did I just hear old man Barnes call me-” 

He cut off her sass with a kiss, a chuckle erupting from both of them as he shook his head. “Don’t ruin the moment.” She scrunched his face up with a smile, looking down at her dotingly. 

“Sorry.” She giggled cheekily, wrapping her thighs around his hips as she pulled him closer. Her nails scratched lightly down his back as she lifted her head to kiss him again. 

Bucky groaned, feeling his cock rub against her pussy lips. A moan escaped Y/N’s lips as she tugged on his hair, feeling his cock pushing back inside her. 

“Fuck.” She let out in a whimper, her eyes big and innocent as she felt him bottom out inside of her. She tilted her head to the side, her other hand holding his chest as she deepened the kiss. 

Bucky started fucking her deep and slow, feeling every clench of her needy pussy. He breathed heavily through his nose, short grunts vibrating in his throat as he twitched inside of her. 

“Y/N,” He moaned deeply, letting their lips brush against each other as her breath tickled his face. “I love you.” He clenched his jaw as he felt his orgasm approaching fast. 

Her tits bounced against his chest, her back arching at the feeling of him filling her sweet cunt with his cock. “I love you, Buck.” She let out with a cry, Bucky’s skin rubbing her throbbing clit as her thighs clenched around his body, a wave of euphoria erupted through her body. 

“Oh, Bucky.” Her hips erratically bucked up to meet his, her pussy pulsing around him as she came. Her nails dug harder into his back, leaving imprints that would at least last a day. 

“Fuck.” Bucky moaned into her neck, his brows furrowing into a frown as he muffled his grunts against her skin. The feeling of her coming on top of him had Bucky’s hands gripping tightly at the bedsheets. “I’m gunna cum.” 

“Bucky,” She whimpered shyly, rubbing the back of his neck soothingly as she hugged him close, rolling her hips onto his. “Can you cum inside me?” 

“You want me to?” He groaned softly, trying to stop himself from cumming so soon, but the feeling of her was too good. 

“Please.” She nodded as Bucky turned his head to look at her, hovering his lips against hers for a second before pressing them against his passionately. He felt his orgasm hit, his hips rutting into her as he filled her with his cum. 

Y/N looked down at where their bodies were connected, watching his cock slide into her overstimulated pussy as he rode out his high. She whimpered softly as she rubbed his shoulder soothingly, his softening cock slipping out of her. 

Bucky looked down too, both watching as his cum dribbled out of her pussy. He smiled proudly before looking back up at her, tracing his finger over her cheek lightly. “Guess the team will be happy that this means our constant bickering will stop.” Bucky chuckled sweetly, looking down at her face. 

“What does this mean?” She prodded him lightly with her finger, smiling up at him as she admired his gorgeous eyes. 

“It means you’re my girl.” He mumbled before kissing her lips softly. 

“Do I get a say in this at all?” She faked a shocked look and giggled in amusement, watching the cheeky smile appear on his face. 

Bucky shook his head before kissing her again. “No.” He smiled softly, the feeling of pure happiness making him kiss her over and over.

“Okay, fine, I’ll be your girl.” She let out a fake sigh of exasperation, her heart thudding against her chest like she’d never felt before. “But I just have one question.” 

“Okay.” Bucky dragged out the word suspiciously, sitting up on his knees as he rubbed the tops of her thighs. 

“Do you honestly think me being your girlfriend means I’m not gunna still constantly annoy the shit out of you?” She let out lowly with a smirk, watching Bucky groan dramatically as he dropped down next to her on the bed, a huge smile on his face.

He knew she was right, but he didn't mind at all. In fact, he never minded before anyway.

tag list:

@harrysthiccthighss

@annestine

@bestofbucky

@be-patient-be-good

@nothing0is4here

@velvetcardiganbucky

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

regret | deacon x sole survivor

“i don’t feel the same way, charmer.” his voice was barely a whisper.

sole felt a lump grow in their throat as they tried to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. they tried to let out a simple, “okay, i understand,” but only silence filled the air.

deacon knows. he catches the tears building up in their eyes and knows their voice is silently attempting to scratch its way out.

he desperately wants to stop their pain, wipe their tears and remind them that he thinks no differently of their relationship, but something in his heart tugs as sole fights back to hide their vulnerability from him. “i’m sorry.” is all he truly lets out because in reality, his words are just as lost as soles own.

to sole, his words become a blur. their knees become weak as their vision becomes clouded with tears they refuse to let out.

‘i’ll give them time,’ he thinks but his feet struggle to find movement as he continues to stare down at sole, speechless for the first time in a long while.

before he could make a move, sole rushes out of the room, not sparing him a second glance. the sound of the door shutting behind him breaks deacon out of his trance, grounding him back to reality.

a tinge of regret pokes at his heart and he silently pushes it away, knowing that this was for the best. he didn’t have feelings for them and it was nothing but the truth.

or so he thought.

-

the next few weeks are almost a blur for him as his partner goes mia from the commonwealth. the first two weeks, he tries to let it be, convincing himself that sole might’ve needed some time to themselves to sort their feelings out, so he lets them. seeing them might be the last thing they need, so he tries to fight the urge to do so.

yet, as time goes by, the worry in his heart rapidly grows when they’re announced as missing by the minutemen. he grows unnaturally quiet upon hearing their words and feels himself grow weak at the possibilities of what could’ve happened to his partner.

searching far and wide did almost nothing for him and only flared his concern. there was little to no clues of their disappearance and the hope that he would find them sooner or later began to slowly deteriorate.

deacon takes in a deep breath, trying to soothe his mind of all the concern and regret. how could he let it get this bad? why couldn’t he at least check up on them day to day instead of running away?

deep down, he knew the truth of it all. it screamed volumes to him and no matter how much he tried to silence it, it grew louder with every passing second. he avoided sole as much as they avoided him because deacon refused to confront the truth between them both. he never provided closure because he never knew how to.

and the more he refused to face the reality of the situation, the longer the days stretched. he found himself pushing everyone away, spending countless nights with tears streaming down his face, hoping someday sole would just turn up on the railroads doorstep. he didn’t care if they forgave him or not— he just wanted to see them safe.

tonight, he found himself with a bottle in his hand, hunching over the counter as he drank the night. he silently thanked lady luck for landing him in an almost empty bar for no one to catch the state he put himself in. unbeknownst to him, a certain mercenary watched his back from the minute he’s entered the bar till the very last drop of his nth bottle.

“you know, i don’t think that’s a very healthy thing to do.” deacon looked over his shoulder, and though his vision continued to spin, he automatically recognized the annoying face that pestered him.

“let a man ‘ave fun, asshole.” he slurred, trying to push out a grin. maccready rolled his eyes and occupied the seat near deacon, folding his arms.

“i’m serious.” mac pulled the bottle away from his hands, tossing it to the bin nearby.

“hey, i was-!” before he could finish, the mercenary cut him off, not wanting to listen to a word that left his mouth. “do you wanna talk about it?”

his words cut through the facade he tried to pull off and deacon immediately fell silent upon his words. “i know we don’t meet eye to eye all that much, but i hate to see you like this.”

as much as he wanted to lie to his face, continue his said facade, he wasn’t physically able to upkeep that image anymore. it was extremely tiring, especially with everything going on. he let out a sigh and allowed his head to fall on his arms that rested on the table. “you wouldn’ understan’.”

theres a pregnant pause, but he eventually responds. “i don’t, but i could try.”

it takes him a few moments to decide whether or not to confide in someone, especially maccready of all people. to his dismay, the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself from letting it out.

“you won’t tell?” it’s a point of no return— he knows — but for some reason, he doesn’t take it back. was the consequences of actions finally getting to him? probably. he didn’t have time to think as maccready let out a small, but shocked, “of course.”

and so he lets it out— not everything — but enough for maccready to get the message. how it all lead up this point and how it contributed to their disappearance.

“i think i made a mistake.” he says, voice barely a whisper. “i made a huge fucking mistake and i don’t know what to do.”

mac looks down at agent with sympathy, detecting the pain trapped in his voice and sighs, “we all do. it’s just the human in us.”

the rest of his words grow obscured as his eyes droop, the alcohol and sleepless nights finally catching up to him. slowly, but surely, the world blacks out.

-

it’s almost dreamlike— the feeling of his hair being brushed softly and the way a familiar voice lulls him awake. he lets out a small groan as his head pounds violently from what he hoped was the night before. he thinks it’s all in his head; the soft touches and the soft voice that continued to fall upon his ears. it’s so painfully familiar, yet it couldn’t be but he felt his heart jump at the possibility of it.

“sole?” his eyes shoot open but close back in an instant as the gentle light illuminating from the window cracks filled his vision. his head dips on what seems to be their lap, trying to block it out desperately. he felt the same hand that brushed his locks rest on top of his eyes to protect it from the sunlight that only made his head throb more.

“morning sleepyhead.” upon hearing that sweet sound, tears began to form in his eyes once more. the one person he’s yearned to see for what seemed like centuries was finally within arms reach. just like that, his tears fell effortlessly, collecting in soles hand as it streamed down his cheeks.

“deacon?” before they could remove their hand to reveal the tears spilling from his eyes, he quickly places his hand on top of theirs as a silent request to keep his eyes hidden.

“i’m sorry.” he chokes out, voice cracking through each word that left his lips, “i’m fucking sorry. i-“ he gently squeezed the same hand that rested on top of theirs. sole remained silent, watching as he spoke through ragged breaths. he tried his best to muster out his apologies, thoughts — feelings — through the pounding of his mind.

“everything i said, it was a lie. it was all a fucking lie just to avoid having some kind of attachment in my life. i hurt you because i was scared of facing my fears.”

“lie? scared? deacon, what-,” their words drifted into nothingness as deacon continued on.

“no matter how much i tried to run away from it, i knew i couldn’t. i had feelings for you. feelings more than this partnership that we both agreed to do, more than the best friends we claimed to be.” at this point, his feelings poured through the cracks of his heart and he knew that he would fix it this time, even if sole no longer felt the same way. “i fell for you hard. i was in love with you and i still am, sole.”

after a deep breath, he continued on. “you don’t have to forgive me. you don’t even have to give me the chance to love you properly, i just want you to know i’m sorry. i’m sorry it had to take you to leave from my life for me realize how much this meant to me. how much you meant to me.”

for a moment, it’s still; the air seems tense at first and time seems to freeze. there’s this sense of fear that overtakes his mind for a mere second.

soon enough, time seems to continue on as sole places a soft kiss on his forehead, allowing it to linger for a few seconds. “we’ll talk about this more when you wake up, okay?” they whisper and as reassuring as it sounds, he’s still terrified. terrified that he’ll wake up alone.

“will you be here when i wake up?” he tries to let it out calmly, but there is a hint of panic and unsureness in his voice he couldn’t push away any longer. all of that seems to melt away as sole lets out a small chuckle, his heart swelling with a mix of pain and relief.

“yes.” they reassure, “i’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

he let out a relieved sigh, keeping his hand on top of the one that covered his eyes. for the first time in weeks, everything finally felt right.

“love you, charmer.” before he could hear their reply, he felt himself being pulled into slumber that quietly called his name.

[ijustwant2write]

Call Me By My Name-Pietro Maximoff x Powers!Reader

(GIF credit to @dailymarvelposts​)

Tags: @bloodorangemoonlight​ @amirahiddleston​

Requested by @husherstan​ : ‘could you write a one w pietro maximoff? idk if you know about a trend on tik tok where a gf or bf call them partners by they first name. Reader and Pietro are enemies cuz them both are always trying to be the best of t team, reader calls him by others names and when she (or gn) calls by him real name he was like "why are you calling me like that? whats wrong with you? are you feeling bad today?" (and he likes her so fucking much, a simp)’

Characters: Pietro Maximoff x Reader, Avengers team x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name   

(Character has the power of force fields, that both generate electricity and provide protection for them/others)  

Warnings: Name calling, bullying, arguing, fluff

                                      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“For the last time, watch where you’re going Speedy Gonzales!” I snapped as Pietro almost knocked me over again.

His form whizzed around the room once more before stopping in front of me.“Maybe try keeping up next time.”

I was startled by the force he left behind as he ran off again making a show of circling the entire training room multiple times, creating a small wave of air. I groaned loudly as I went back to jogging. He was such a show off, it infuriated me. We weren’t here to compete against each other, we were supposed to be a team; but when he waltzed around the place boasting about how fast he was, it was really hard not to step up to the plate. 

Pietro was running faster than usual, trying to overlap me dozens of times, more than he would have done in a normal session. It got on my last nerve, making me stop, my powers already flowing through my arms. It would be hard to pinpoint him, so I charged up a huge ball of electricity, casting it out harshly. I just managed to catch him, laughing as he yelped out in surprise, being thrown high into the air before landing on the sparring mats. I saw him slowly get up, clearly I had caused some pain. My fun was soon ended as he ran towards me again, having to quickly put up a force field that would protect me. Pietro bounced off it, though I hadn’t put any charge in this one, so he only fell on his backside.

“Enough!” Wanda yelled out, though we still kept our guard up around each other.“Really (Y/N)? You can relax now.”

“I don’t trust him.” I replied.

She sighed.“Come on, Steve wants to talk about the mission.”

“Why? We debriefed three days ago.”

“Something to do with it being on the news.” she shrugged, walking away.

Pietro glanced back at me, looking me up and down before following his sister. However, he didn’t look at me with disgust or anything of the sort, it was almost as if he was checking me out. I tutted at myself, why on Earth would he ever look at me like that?

I wasn’t happy joining the meeting in my sweaty state.Everyone else was dressed and put together, but at least Pietro looked similar. The team was gathered around a table, looking to Steve who was stood at the front, his arms crossed over his chest. He had the look of disappointment on his face, which meant bad news for the rest of us...or whoever was in trouble. With no seats left, I copied Steve’s stance at the back of the room, rolling my eyes when Pietro stood beside me.

“Sorry to call you guys in on such short notice.” Steve started.“But I feel that we have to discuss something that’s starting to effect the team.”

He pulled up a screen showing the news. It had images and videos of our last mission. We were raiding an old factory on the edge of the city, finding a terrorist group hiding out there as they worked on their gadgets. News coverage showed the team fighting from a helicopter view, and we were all confused as to why Steve was showing us this.

“Fastest man alive,” Pietro repeated what the reporter said,“it has a nice ring to it.”

“I wouldn’t put that in your Tinder bio.” I quipped, causing a few chuckles.

Steve looked at me.“And this is why we’re here today.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.“What?”

“You and Pietro are always at each other’s throats. It’s...well frankly, it’s exhausting listening to you two arguing all the time. And it could seriously put someone in danger whilst on a mission, even you two.”

“He always starts it-”

Pietro held up a finger.“Hold on, you do too-”

“You’re just proving his point guys.” Natasha spoke over us.

“As I was saying,” Steve brought the attention back to him,“the media has also caught onto this. There’s multiple images of you two clearly arguing, or even getting in each others way during the mission. At one point, you’re both trying to save the same person, but almost miss that chance because you’re so invested in being better than the other!”

Steve was really mad, and from everyone else’s faces, they thought the same thing.

“So until all of this changes, you two are suspended from any missions.”

“What?!” we both exclaimed.

“And you may not approach any other team member for assistance with training.”

“Why are we both being punished?” I demanded to know.

“Oh, do not play the victim here Mrs Incredible!” Pietro snapped.

“Mrs Incredible is super stretchy, it’s the daughter who has the same powers as me, you idiot!”

“See? You’re further showing me that I made the right decision. I felt bad at first, but now I know that this is the right direction to go in.” Steve raised his voice.“You’re both dismissed.”

“Well, what are the rest of you doing?” Pietro dared to ask.

“We are going to go over all the planning we have done for upcoming missions. Everything has to change because of you two. Now please go.”

I held it together as I left the room, not wanting to appear like a toddler stomping away in a tantrum. It was impossible to get away from Pietro, what with him being ‘the fastest man alive’, but I was going to try. I didn’t need another argument right now, I was upset, needed to be alone. Apparently, I wasn’t going to get that.

“Leave me alone.” I warned Pietro as he followed me.

“I can’t believe this! They’ve kicked us off the team because you always have to say something-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“And to think, they’re going to risk not having me on the team. I help them with everything, I’m a crucial part-”

“Pietro!” I shouted, spinning on my heel to face him. 

His eyes widened at that, glancing down to my clenched up fists, little electric sparks running over them, before looking me in my teary eyes. 

I sighed, relaxing my tense shoulders and hands before leaving. There was no point trying to explain. He wouldn’t understand. We would both get mad, probably fight, the team would have to break us up; I had no energy to do that. Slowly turning away, I was surprised by the silence that followed, Pietro didn’t even follow me. 

I checked the time on the lock screen of my phone, seeing that an hour had passed since I fled from Pietro. It also made me realise how dark the room had become, the sun would set in a few minutes. But I didn’t bother turning on any lights, instead leaning back again on the chair. I was sat in an empty lobby, it was a small room, facing the floor to ceiling window that showed the landscape that surrounded the headquarters. Besides just sitting here, I should have distracted myself. Perhaps put on a film, relax after training, something to take my mind off of things. Instead, I decided to sit with my thoughts.

“H-hey.” I heard Pietro quietly say from the doorway. 

Looking over my shoulder, I didn’t reply, facing the window again when he began walking towards me. He hesitantly turned on a lamp near us, sitting on the chair beside mine. Pietro also looked out of the window, clasping his hands together for a few seconds before fidgeting. I tried to ignore it, though after an hour of peace and nothingness, it became irritating quickly.

“Can you stop?” I blurted out.“Please?”

“Are you annoyed by everything I do?” he asked.

“Not...everything. I just...doesn’t matter, it’s not like you care anyway.”

“That’s not true.”

“I’m not falling for this Pietro.”

“Why are you saying my name?”

“What?”

“You never say my name. Actually, we never say each others names.”

“And why does that matter?”

“It just feels, it feels serious.”

“I mean, we’ve basically been kicked off the team, so yeah, it’s serious.”

“We’ve not been kicked off the team (Y/N).”

“We could be if we don’t get our act together.”

“It won’t go that far-”

“But it could! I can’t believe how calm you are about the whole thing.” I stood, distancing myself from him.“I’ve worked too hard for this. Imagine what would happen if word got out that I was disbanded from the Avengers because of a tiny argument, with a team member who is so narcissistic that he can’t put others before himself!”

I realised I had began ranting, stopping myself before I said anything else hurtful. But by the look of Pietro’s face, it was already too late.

“I...I’m sorry (Y/N).” he never broke eye contact.“And before you say anything, I mean it.”

“Pietro, I-”

“I can see how much this job means to you.”

“It’s my fault too. I always try to outdo you or challenge you.”

“No, don’t be humble.” he got out of his seat, standing in front of me.“It’s almost always my fault that we argue. And I hate myself for it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m usually very good with the ladies.” he grinned, though it disappeared when he realised it wasn’t time to joke.“But not around you apparently. It’s probably because you’re extremely strong and sure of yourself, and I go for a different type, the polar opposite to you.”

“Pietro, I...um...”

“I was really impressed by you when we first met. It made me nervous actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, all I can do is run really fast.”

“But, you’ve been on much more missions than I have. Doesn’t that say something?” I hung my head.

“Are you crazy? You’re not on those missions because they don’t need you.”

My head whipped up to see his smile drop.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I meant that those missions are for Avengers like me. The ones they can use over and over without worrying about them being too tired for the next one. What I’m trying to say is, you’re too important.”

“I never thought I would say this, but Pietro, you’re an important part of the team too. I always rose to your challenges because I felt I needed to prove something to the others. I was new, then I was accepted after all my relentless training, but when you and Wanda came along, I instantly became old news. And you didn’t even go through the rigorous regimes like I did, so I just assumed you were better than me.”

“It seems we were both wrong about each other. We were going through a lot of effort to outdo the other when we could have saved that energy for...well, anything else really.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.”

Pietro held his hand out.“Truce?”

I smiled up at him as I shook it.“Truce.”

A cheeky smirk appeared as he raised an eyebrow at me.“Let’s not tell the team about this just yet. I feel like there would be a lot of ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“And another thing.”

I noticed he was still holding my hand, though they were lowered now, and his grip wasn’t as firm.“Yes?”

“Can we start calling each other by our actual names?”

“I mean, I assumed we would anyway.”

“Oh, good. I just...”

“You just?”

“I just like the way it sounds when you say my name.”

[moon-light-jukebox]

Germs [Reid x Reader]

this gif isn’t mine

Summary: Reader is sure the resident BAU genius doesn’t like her, but she’s not sure why. But even if he did like her, he’s a germaphobe, so he wouldn’t be comfortable with the things she wants to do to him...would he?

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Word Count: 5.6k

Rating: Mature 

Category: Fluff and Smut 

Content Warning: Brief mentions of torture and violence, usually criminal minds stuff, nothing explicit. Light choking, oral sex (female receiving), penetrative sex, fingering, language (maybe?) 

A/n: I have come out of fan fiction writing retirement for this one. Let me know what y’all think!  masterlist

y/n - your name

y/l/n - your last name

italicized text is Reader’s sassy inner thoughts

---

I’m not sure if I believe in hell, but if there is a hell, I’m sure it feels exactly like Louisiana in July. Every time I walked outside I felt like I was walking into soup. Gross. I couldn’t help but feel guilty over my sigh of relief when I walked back into the local precinct the team was currently working out of. Young women are dying, and I’m worried about a little bit of heat.

But, fuck, it was hot.

Speaking of heat, I thought as I threw open the door to the conference room only to run smack into the hottest thing I’d ever encountered.

“Shit,” I exclaimed before I thought better of it. “I’m so sorry.” I ran my eyes up, up, up, all the way up his body until I met his eyes; those beautiful honey brown eyes that threatened to have me acting like an idiot if I stared into them for too long.  

Dr. Spencer Reid’s cheeks were tinged pink, his posture stiff, his fingers clutching the file he was carrying for dear life. “Don’t worry about it, Y/n,” he sounded uncomfortable, which made my stomach drop. “My fault.” With that, he quickly maneuvered around me and headed off to complete whatever genius task he had to complete.

My eyes followed him until he was out of sight before I mentally shook myself. ‘C’mon, this is pointless,’ I thought. ‘He doesn’t even like you.’ Which I really thought was true, the good doctor went out of his way to avoid me whenever possible. ‘Plus, he’s a germaphobe.’ This thought was confirmed true. He didn’t shake people’s hands, the only people I’d seen him touch during my time at the BAU were members of the team that he’d known for years, and some of those even seemed reluctant.

Admittedly, I didn’t know a lot about germaphobia; since I couldn’t ask the only genius I knew, I did the next logical thing. I googled it. Every person I’d read about seemed to experience germaphobia differently. Some people could have sex, but others were grossed out by the very idea. Knowing my luck, Spencer Reid and his beautiful hands, and his soulful eyes, and his cheekbones that could cut glass was in the repulsed by sex category. Which is fine! Right, it is fine to not be interested in sex; the only problem was I was very interested in every part of him.  

Maybe he thinks I’m gross. Maybe I stink? Maybe he’s just repulsed by my very presence. Regardless, I couldn’t see Spencer Reid ever shoving me against a wall and fucking me senseless.

I sighed, making my way over to the conference table, pulling out a chair before I flopped into it. I could feel the exhaustion settling into my bones. We had been in Louisiana for almost a week now and we were still no closer to finding our unsub. He was a white man, he worked in a lower-paying job, and he hated women. Obviously, that didn’t narrow it down much.

The unsub was targeting women in clubs and bars, following them outside before he bashed them on the back of the head. After that, he threw the girls over his shoulder and took them to his car; he moved them to a secondary location before he tortured them. The first two victims had survived. They were traumatized, but they were fighters; they both said the same things, ‘he kept my eyes covered the entire time,’ “I never saw his face,’ ‘I did whatever he told me to do.’

We thought the killing of the third victim had been an accident, but that accident had excited our guy enough that he changed his ritual; the killing was crucial now. We had 4 bodies, 2 live victims that couldn’t tell us anything, and no leads.

Sighing, I leaned forward, bringing the heels of my hands to my eyes. I hated feeling helpless. The answer to who this fucker was is in this evidence somewhere and I will find it. If it’s the last thing I do.

The doors swung open again, pulling me from my thoughts. Hotch lead the parade of people, followed by Morgan, JJ, and Dr. Reid. Our unit chef looked gravely serious…not that that necessarily meant anything, in the 6 months I’d been with the behavioral analysis unit I hadn’t seen him have any other expression.

Morgan pulled out his phone, hitting what I suspected was speed dial number 1. “Hey baby girl,” he said, without his usual swagger; even he was tired. “You’re on speaker. You’ve got me, Hotch, JJ, Reid, and Y/l/n.”

“And I have the always wonderful Emily Prentiss, and the dashing David Rossi on the line, effectively putting my favorite people together again, as they should be,” Garcia quipped. I don’t think she meant to include me in her list of ‘favorite people,’ but it made me smile anyway. “Okay, crime fighters, what’s the play?”

“We’re still no closer to finding the unsub,” Hotch began. “He’s highly organized, methodical, and paranoid; but he hasn’t killed in 3 days, this is a break from his escalation pattern. He’s going to strike soon.” Hotch leaned over resting his palms on the shiny fake wood of the conference table. “Our best chance is to send an agent out there as bait.” There was a general murmur of agreement before he continued on. “Garcia, we need you to find all of the night clubs, bars, and whatever else you can think of in the updated comfort zone.”

The sound of keys clicking made its way through the speaker. “Assuming we’re excluding the places he’s already hit, that leaves us with 3 possibilities.”

“So far he hasn’t struck a place twice,” Prentiss chimed in. “Do we think he’s going to hold to that pattern?”

Reid moved over to the board where the map of the county was displayed. “I think so. This guy is too careful to risk going to a place where he’s been before. The chance of him being recognized is too great, especially when everyone is on high alert.” He gestured to the area he had circled on the map. “His pattern seems to be focusing in on this center point right here,” he said, placing a pin in the map. “This area means something. Garcia, what is the closest club or bar to the intersection of Washington Avenue and Harrison Street?”

“That would beeeeee…The Blue Fox.”

“That’s where he’ll be,” Dr. Reid said confidently, his eyes moving to Hotch’s face.

The older man nodded. “It’s our best lead so far, we have to run with it.”

“It’s Friday night,” Rossi pointed out. “We’ll have to act soon.”

Hotch nodded, seeming to be lost in thought. “We need to send agents in there tonight. We know the victims were all on dates or flirting with a man right before their abduction. He targets women that are happy with their companions then waits til he can separate them.”

“Who are you planning on sending in, Hotch?’ JJ questioned.

“Y/l/n is the youngest, she fits the build of the previous victims the best.” His heavy gaze rested on me. “What do you think?”

Like it was even a choice. “I’m in.”

Hotch nodded, accepting my answer. “Good. You’ll partner with Reid.”

“What?!” I squawked, much to my embarrassment. I cleared my throat before I continued. “But, Reid and I…I just thought Morgan would be the obvious choice.” Fuck, I’m just digging a bigger hole.

Morgan gave me an easy smile. “You’re just saying that because you wanna see my moves, little mama.”

Hotch cleared his throat, bringing our attention back. “Morgan is too intimidating; the unsub might not move in if he feels too threatened. You’ll go with Reid.” When he was met with silence he continued on, “alright, let’s get to work.”

-

And that is how I wound up in a club in Louisiana on a Friday night, in a tight black dress, with Spencer Reid beside me. After he walked into the club holding my hand. He doesn’t hold hands, I cringed internally at the thought. He must feel so uncomfortable.

He waved the bartender over, ordering a drink for me and a water for himself before turning to me. “I thought a drink would loosen you up a bit. You look nervous.”

I am nervous. “Right. Thanks.” I drummed my fingers on the bar, my gaze sweeping around the club for anyone who seemed out of place and especially creepy. Most lone men at clubs and bars were creepy, but we need especially creepy.

“Is that because you don’t think I can have your back?”

My head snapped back around. “What?”

Spencer paused to accept the drinks from the bartender, sliding him the money. “In the conference room. You seemed upset that Morgan wasn’t going to be your partner,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Is that because you think I wouldn’t have your back?”

Fuck. I blushed to the roots of my hair. “No, Spencer! God no! It’s not that, I know you’d have my back.” I took a sip of my drink before I said anything else. “It’s just that…you don’t seem to like me very much, and I know you have a thing about germs, and I thought maybe that’s why you didn’t like me.” I was babbling; I was absolutely babbling. “I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable, that’s all. Morgan has never seemed uncomfortable around me, so…” I trailed off lamely.

The corners of his lips quirked up in amusement. “So, you didn’t want to partner with me on this because you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable?”

I nodded, fidgeting with the straw in my drink.

Spencer moved closer to me, his right hand coming to rest on the small of my back. He seemed as calm as he could be, meanwhile I suddenly had trouble breathing.

It’s for the case. He has to do this for the case. Calm down.

"What do my issues with germs have to do with this?" he wondered, leaning closer to me. I could feel his breath on my neck; my skin broke out in goosebumps.

Double fuck. “Well, we’re supposed to be…together. And you think I’m gross. What if you have to kiss me?” TRIPLE FUCK. “Not that we’d have to kiss,” I tried to backpedal. “But we might, you never know. And I just didn’t…I don’t want you to dislike me more than you do.”

The teasing smile slipped from his face, the fingers on my lower back flexing slightly. He regarded me with a tilt of his head. "You're serious?" At my shaky nod, he continued. "Y/n, I don't think you're gross."

“You don’t?” I squeaked.

He lifted his hand from my back then, sliding it up to my shoulder, his free hand moving from the bar to rest on my hip. Spencer brushed my hair back before he leaned forward. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I felt his lips touch the tender skin of my neck. My eyes fluttered shut, unable to suppress a gasp at the contact. Spencer Reid’s beautiful lips slid down to the place where my neck and shoulder met, then I felt his teeth nip the skin before he placed another kiss there. He worked his way back up towards my ear, the hand on my hip moving slightly so he was almost grabbing my ass. “I don’t think you’re gross,” he breathed, causing me to shudder. I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Germs don’t bother me in that way, especially around people I know. I wouldn’t have a problem kissing you, baby.”

I was going to need new panties after this. Spencer Reid, awkward, sweet, Dr. Spencer Reid just called me Baby.

“…Oh.” Really, y/n. Oh; you went with oh?

The good doctor pulled back, his face close enough to mine that I could see that he had freckles under his eyes and that those beautiful eyes got more golden towards the center. "Oh."

-

Michael Watkins was the name of our unsub. He was a short white man with a receding hairline and a bad temper. His last relationship had ended 3 months before the first attack; Spencer was right to pick this bar. Shortly after he tried to make my pussy combust with his neck kisses, Reid suggested I walk to the bathroom, assuring me he’d be watching if anyone followed.

Watkins’ hand was in my hair, dragging me outside before I made it to the ladies’ room. I felt a jolt of fear as I struggled to escape, strands of hair being ripped from my head. I shouldn’t have worried, because no sooner had the outside door opened than I heard the velvety voice of Derek Morgan. “FBI! Put your hands where we can see them.”

He attempted to run. Why would anyone try to run from Derek Morgan?  

After the medics confirmed I was okay, I was sent back to the hotel while the rest of the team went with the local police to book Watkins and try to get a full confession.

“Good work,” Hotch said, his hand clapping down on my shoulder.

The highest praise I’ll ever need.

I hopped into the shower right when I got back to my room, not wanting Watkins’ touch on me for a moment longer.

Spencer’s touch, however,…That was a touch I wouldn’t mind having on me. But he’d barely looked at me once he made it outside. I knew he was being affectionate in there because of the case, we were playing a role. I knew that. I still couldn’t stop the twinge of hurt I felt.

But he doesn’t think I’m gross. That had to count for something.

I had just got done blow drying my hair enough so that it wouldn’t look too crazy when I woke up when there was a knock on my door. Figuring it was Emily, I didn't consider the fact that I was in my pajamas, and my face was scrubbed free of makeup.  

It wasn’t Emily. Spencer Reid stood on the other side of my door, his eyes running down my body before he met my bewildered stare again. “You look comfy,” he commented with that damn little smile on his lips again.

“Oh. Yeah. I took a shower.” Way to go, y/n, you’re really killing it tonight.

“I see that,” he said, his cheeks going a little bit pink. “Can I come in? I thought we should talk.” Was he nervous? Why would he be nervous?

I ushered him in, shutting the door behind him. He sat on the bottom edge of my bed; his body angled towards the headboard. I briefly debated about where to sit before I joined him. Don’t make it weird, y/n.

He cleared his throat before he began. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable tonight. I just wanted to make sure we got the guy.”

Right. “Oh, it’s okay, Spencer. I get it. I wasn’t uncomfortable.” I picked at the frayed edge of my sleep shorts, my eyes dropping so he didn’t see anything on my face that betrayed how I was feeling; you can’t be too careful around profilers.

His hand reached out to cover my own fidgeting hands, one of his hands covering both of mine. His hands were so big. His fingers were so long, the veins in his hands were so pronounced. I bet those fingers would feel really – FOCUS.

“I’m also sorry you thought I didn’t like you.” His thumb had started to move slowly over the back of my hand. “I do like you. I like you a lot, actually. I just…” I brought my gaze back up to meet his eyes. “I just get nervous sometimes.”

“You didn’t seem nervous in the club.”

“No,” he chuckled. “I wasn’t nervous then because it was my job. I wasn’t worried about misreading a signal…doing the wrong thing…I’m not the best with social cues.” I had noticed that about him before. “But I am a really good profiler.” And he’s humble too, apparently.

“I know that you couldn’t fake your reaction to me in the club. Your breathing became quicker, I felt your pulse jump under my lips when they were on your neck. I saw how blown your pupils got." He shifted closer to me then, bringing his other hand up to push my hair behind my shoulder like he did earlier in the night. "Just like they are now."

He leaned closer to me, his voice was lower, and it made my stomach flutter. "You're clenching your thighs together, Y/n. Your shirt may be baggy, but I can see how hard your nipples are too." His tongue ran out to wet his lips. "If I'm wrong, just tell me now. If I've misread this, I will leave right now, and we can pretend this never happened." Spencer brought both his hands up to cradle my face; despite how wet my panties were, how tight my nipples are, how badly I wanted him to touch me, this gesture made me feel special. He was holding me like he actually cared about me like I was precious. "But, if I'm not wrong, and you want this too, Y/n, tell me. Tell me you want this too and I won't stop touching you until you scream my name."

I let out a soft whimper then. Like it’s a choice. “I want this,” I leaned into his touch. “Please, Spencer.”

His thumb brushed over my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine. “Please, what, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than his lips were on mine. His lips were softer than I imagined, they were firm and almost…questioning. When I nipped at his bottom lip, something seemed to break free inside of him. His lips slanted over mine with a hunger I had never felt. His tongue ran over my bottom lip before I opened for him. Spencer’s tongue moved into my mouth while his hands moved; one hand moved back to grip my hair at the base of my skull, tugging firmly, the other moved down to my neck, not applying any pressure, just resting it there in a gesture that felt possessive.

The need for oxygen broke us apart, his lips moving across my cheek to my jaw, then down to my neck. “How could you think I didn’t like you?” he mumbled into my skin. “You have no idea what you do to me. None.”

I threw my head back when he sucked on my pulse point, a moan ripping from my throat. “W-what…what do I do?”

Pulling back from me, he gripped the bottom of my shirt, looking at me for consent before he pulled it over my head. His eyes were firmly on my chest, his lips parted, his breathing heavy. He pushed me down slowly on the bed; I was on my back and he was hovering over me. I felt his mouth place hot, wet, kisses from my collarbone down towards my breasts. His right hand landed on my breast, his thumb brushing back and forth over my nipple while his lips moved closer and closer to my left. I tangled my hands in his hair, urging him forward.

“You want to know what you do to me?” he raised his head slightly, making sure my eyes were on him when he flicked his tongue over my nipple, causing me to gasp. “What do you do to me in your little skirts, with your little smiles, and your little laughs?” He gave my nipple a sharp pinch. “You’re all I fucking think about, y/n.” With a growl, he finally took my nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his teeth and tongue. He switched to the other breast while he adjusted himself over me, bringing his pelvis down to rest at the seam of my body between my thighs. I shifted restlessly under him, trying to grind my pussy against him. He was so fucking hard.

With a groan, he lifted his head and started kissing his way towards the middle of my chest, moving down to the curve of my stomach. “Do you know how many times I came back to my hotel room after spending all day with you and was so hard I had to cum before I could think of anything else?” he peppered kisses down my body as he spoke.

My eyes shot open at this confession that he seemed to think was no big deal. “What?” I couldn’t believe this. “You…you touched yourself and thought of…”

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts and panties, taking my raised hips as an invitation to remove both from my body. "You. I thought of you." He threw my clothes on the floor, pulling my legs open. His eyes moved over all of me, his Adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed hard. “I thought about kissing you. About making you squirm for me.” He ran his fingers up and down my thighs, his mouth running slowly over my inner thighs. Spencer’s hands hooked around my upper thighs, moving me to where he wanted me. “But, most of all, I thought about this pretty pussy.” He placed a kiss on my clit, chuckling at the wanton moan that came from me and how my fingers tangled in his soft brown curls. “I thought about all the different ways I could make this pretty pussy cum all over me.” With that, he ran his tongue up my slit before flicking it over my clit.

Dr. Spencer Reid was good at everything, so of course, he was good at this too. His mouth moved over me, watching my reaction to see what I liked best. His tongue moved in circles around my clit before slipping down to my opening. His tongue plunged inside me, fucking me, while his thumb came over to rub my clit.

“Spence- fuck- Spencer, please.” My hips tried to shift restlessly, but his arms were iron bars holding me still. He slowly moved his left forearm to rest across my hips, bringing his right hand down to my throbbing pussy. He pulled his mouth away from me, much to my dismay. He pushed one finger, then another into me. My head thrashed wildly, and my thighs started to shake. “Spencer!”

He just smirked and curled his fingers, hitting the spot inside me that made everything in my body pulse. “What, baby?”

My breaths were coming in gasps, my voice was a needy whimper. “Make me cum, Spencer. Please, please make me cum.”

He needed no other encouragement. His fingers continued their steady thrust in and out of me while his mouth covered my clit again. He alternated between flicking my clit with his tongue, then circling it before pulling it into his mouth, sucking lightly.

“Spencer.” I felt my orgasm rising. “Spencer don’t- don’t stop. I’m gonna cum, please make me cum.”

He kept his pace steady, sucking on my clit, moaning at my words. His eyes had been closed, but at that moment they opened and met mine. Then I felt his teeth ghost over my clit, I saw the want in his eyes. That was my undoing. My back arched, my mouth hung open in a silent scream. I heard myself say his name over and over again. Spencer pushed his fingers inside me, massaging me through the most powerful orgasm I had ever had. With one final kiss on my oversensitive clit, he withdrew his fingers, putting them into his mouth to suck my orgasm off of them.

He kissed back up my body, and I tried to respond, but I was still so shattered. I had never felt anything so powerful before. He cupped my face in one hand and kissed me slowly. I returned the kiss, moving my hands to the buttons of his shirt.

Spencer broke the kiss, pulling back to look at me again. “Hang on, baby.” His hand came up to still my own. “We can take a second. It’s okay. Just breathe.”

This beautiful man smiled at me then. I felt my heart flutter when he leaned down to pepper soft kisses along my jaw, his thumb coming up to wipe a tear that fell from the corner of my eye that I hadn’t even noticed.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. He shifted to lay beside me, whispering reassurances to me while I came back down. This was just one of the ways that Spencer was so different from every other man. I didn't feel rushed, or pressured. I could feel how hard he still was, I could feel the tension in his body, but he simply kissed me while he cupped my jaw.

He made me feel…cherished.

I moved my hands to tangle in his hair again, deepening our kiss. He didn’t move my hands away when I started to work on the buttons of his shirt. The fire that I thought had been calmed by my orgasm had come roaring back. Spencer moved his hands to his belt while I finished with his shirt. His shirt came off, tossed in the same direction as my clothes. I pulled his pants and boxers down his legs, watching his cock spring free.

Everything about him was painfully beautiful. His angular cheekbones, the jaw that looked like it was carved from granite, even the toned muscles of his body. He had a small trail of hair that went down from his belly button to his groin. His cock laid against his stomach, the head glistening with precum.

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered, kneeling beside him, running my eyes over his body.

His soft hand came to grab mine, pulling it to his lips. He kissed the back of my hand, smiling softly at me.

I moved to straddle him, lower on his thighs. I took him in my hand, moving up and down, twisting my wrist as I neared the tip, swiping my thumb over his head.

“Baby,” he groaned. “Y/n, as much as I want you to do…whatever the fuck you want with me, I’m so close. I feel like I’m going to explode.” I bit into my bottom lip, unable to totally stop the smile spreading over my face. “Please, I need to feel your pussy wrapped around my cock.” He moved his hands to my hips, urging my body forward.

I raised up on my knees, taking him in my hand again, lining him up with my entrance. The tendons in his neck were strained, his fingers gripped my hips so hard I knew I was going to have bruises tomorrow. As I slowly started to sink down on his cock, Spencer let out the sexiest groan I had ever heard. His eyes were fixed where our bodies were joined, watching his dick slid deeper inside of me.

“Come on, baby,” he whispered. “You’re doing so good. Just a little bit more.”

He was so long, he wasn't overly thick, but just thick enough to cause a pleasurable stretching when he breached me that was almost painful. I gasped out a sound that might have been his name when he bottomed out inside me. I slowly circled my hips, adjusting to him. Spencer’s nails dug into my hips as he forced himself to stay still.

“Please move, y/n. Please. You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as my walls fluttered around him. “Do you like it when I talk to you? Does that make your pretty pussy wetter?” He smirked at my whimper as I tightened around him.

I began at a slower pace, trying to tease him. Spencer quickly lost patience with that; he thrust his hips upwards, meeting my movements, his hands pushing me down onto him. I leaned forward, bracing on hand on his shoulder, the other on the bed. He pounded into me while I tried to match his pace. Spencer’s hand moved from my hip up to wrap around my throat. I nodded, forcing my eyes to stay open as he moved inside me.

His fingers squeezed slightly, pulling my face closer to his. Our lips met in a sloppy kiss. My thighs burned from matching his movements. “You feel so fucking good, y/n.” His grip on my neck tightened ever so slightly, which only heightened my arousal. “I want to feel you cum on my cock. Can you do that for me, pretty girl?”

He flipped us over quickly, never pulling completely out of me. Spencer moved to push my legs further apart, the change in angle allowing him to fill me deeper than I thought possible. His hair was sticking to his brow, his cheeks were flushed, his breathing erratic. He was the most fucking beautiful thing I had ever seen.

One hand held my leg, the other went down to my pussy, his thumb moving over my clit at a rapid pace. “Tell me what you need, Pretty Girl. Tell me how to make this pretty pussy cum all over me.”

I whined at his words. “Spencer, I-“ my voice broke off. I was so fucking close. "I need you." He seemed to understand my broken plea. He brought his body down, his chest flush against mine. He rocked into me at such a fast and hard pace. His hand still in between us rubbing circles around my clit.  

I felt his lips ghost over my ear. “I want to fucking hear you, y/n.” His speed increased, his thrust getting choppier. He was close. “I want this whole fucking town to hear what you sound like when I make you cum. When you cream all over my dick, I want you to scream my name.” With that, he moved his mouth down my neck. He bit the same tender area he had kissed in the club, where my neck met my shoulder.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck yes, Spencer!" I felt myself begin to splinter apart. “Please make me cum, fuck please.” My babbling finally broke as my orgasm tore through me. I couldn’t hear his deep groan when I came, my scream was too loud. I felt the vibration against my neck. It was only as I started to float down that I realized my nails were dug into his back. With a few last thrust and my name on his lips, I felt Spencer pulse, cumming inside me.

We lay there for a few minutes, just breathing before he rolled off of me. I felt overwhelmed, so I was relieved when he tugged me over to him. He wrapped his arm around me when I laid my head on his chest. I felt his lips on my forehead. “It’s very important for women to urinate after sexual intercourse to avoid UTIs, but you have another minute or so before that becomes more urgent.”

I couldn’t control my laugh at his comment. "Thanks, Doc." I kissed his chest. "Only you could make me cum so hard I almost blackout, then go back to being…you." I slowly untangled myself from him, going to the bathroom to handle business. When I returned, I found Spencer where I left him, his eyes were fixed on the ceiling, one hand resting behind his head, the other over his heart. He looked so lost in that moment.

“Spencer?” I asked, crawling on to the bed. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t pretend that something wasn’t bothering him. “When you said that I just go back to being me…Do you not like that?”

My heart broke a tiny bit at the question. “Spencer, no! I love that! I love your little facts and statistics!” How did he not know that? “The best part of my day is listening to you talk. Just being with you is wonderful.” I cupped his face, bringing his gaze to mine. “Sure, I like what we just did; but I liked you before that. I want both.” Fuck. “Assuming you want me,” I rambled quickly. “This doesn’t have to mean anything, I know that it doesn’t always-“

He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine in the sweetest kiss I had ever felt. It was filled with hope and promise and…Spencer.

“It means everything to me, Y/n.”

-

I didn’t see the rest of the team until the next morning when we all boarded the jet; I was so ready to go home. I personally didn’t think anything appeared that different. Spencer sat beside me on the couch, but that wasn’t weird…right? We were just co-workers, sitting beside each other super casually. Had we spent most of last night and a little bit of this morning screwing each other’s brains out? Certainly. But you couldn’t see that…right?

Morgan’s chuckle is what confirmed I was so wrong. “Hey, y/l/n,” he called, smiling so hard it looked like his face would split from his amusement. “You missed a spot.” He pointed towards his own neck.

There was a beat of silence before Hotch snorted. SSA Aaron Hotchner, the man who never found anything funny was laughing at me.

I felt myself turn tomato red, angling my body towards Spencer’s, burying my head against his shoulder, away from the rest of the team.

“I bet you’re glad pretty boy was your partner now, huh?”

I may have wanted to melt into the floor in embarrassment, but it was sort of worth it to see the blush on Spencer’s cheeks.

--