#had to be done eventually right
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Old Bill Cipher was hopping around
Tumblr City like a big playground
When suddenly Megamind burst from the shade
And hit Bill Cipher with a Mindgrenade
Bill Cipher got pissed and began to attack
But didn't expect to be blocked by Black Hat
Who proceeded to open up a can of Hat-Fu
When Lewis Pepper came out of the blue
And he started beating up Blackquille Hatâneal
Then they both got flattened by the Mindmobile
But before it could make it back to the Mindcave
Jack Skellington popped out of his grave
And took an AK-47 out from under his hat
And blew Megamind away with a rat-a-tat-tat
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away
Because Herobrine came to save the day
This is the ultimate showdown of sexyman destiny
Objects and twinks and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown of sexyman destiny
Bill Cipher took a bite out of Herobrine
Like The Warden took a bite out of crime
And then Black Hat came back covered in a tire track
But Slenderman jumped out and landed on his back
And Megamind was injured, and trying to get steady
When Jack Skellington came back with a machete
But suddenly something caught his leg and he slowed
Nagito Komaeda took him out with his hope
Then he saw Bill Cipher sneaking up from behind
And he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'Cause Megamind stole it and he shot and he missed
And Slenderman deflected it with his fist
Then he jumped in the air and did a somersault
While Jack Skellington tried to pole vault
Onto Herobrine, but they collided in the air
Then they both got hit by a Reigen stare
This is the ultimate showdown of sexyman destiny
Objects and twinks and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown
Angels sang out with immaculate amour
Down from the heavens descended Cecil Palmer
Who delivered a kick that was powered by the weather
Into the crotch of Nagito Komaeda
Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
As Megamind changed back into Normal Brain (?)
But Cecil saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Megamindâs head in between his thighs
Then Professor Venomous and maid-dress Raymond
And the Once-Ler and Turbo and Ingo and Spamton
And Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice and Wheatley
And trickster god Loki and self-aware Benr(e)y
Alastor, Dr. Habit, Junkrat, Guzma, Almond Cookie
The whole cast of Goncharov (1973)
Bruno Madrigal and Purple Guy
Tony the Clock, DOC OCK, and King Dice
All came out of nowhere lightning fast
And they kicked Cecil Palmer in his radio ass
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw
With tumblrinas looking on in total awe
The fight raged on for like two weeks
Many lives were claimed, but eventually
The champion stood, the rest saw their better
Sans Undertale in a bloodstained sweater
This is the ultimate showdown of sexyman destiny
Objects and twinks and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown
(The sexiest showdown)
This is the ultimate showdown
(The sexiest showdown)
This is the ultimate showdown
Of sexyman destiny
#tumblr sexyrematch#i cannot format this properly. youâll take it as it is#had to be done eventually right#for anyone wondering#doc ock is capitalised bc that was what the song actually originally said#and i was rlly excited about that fact and had to express it#Iâve seen a few people saying they want to hear this as an actual cover so Iâll just say in advance:#If you would like to create one you are more than welcome to#consider this tag your permission to do whatever you see fit to do with this magnificent monstrosity of a post
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Guess who Watched IT, hyperfocused on it for like two days, then completely forgot and went back to thinking about batman. It was me and believe me Iâm disappointed in myself.
I might be posting some Danny Phantom stuff again soon but no promises i wonât stop being interested again in another few days
Alright, love yâall. Oh and happy pride!
#soursart#it stephen king#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#reddie#no one should be surprised by this#i narrowly avoided drawing SAW fanart. i guess i had to give into one of my shortterm obsessions eventually#something something gay people right?#i was considering not even posting this but i havenât done anything in awhile so i feel bad#i wish i wouldâve recorded a timelapse for this it took forever because of how tired Iâve been
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YJ S3 Dick, still in the midst of his fever dream, hides underneath the 'souvenir' instead of behind some boxes, and accidentally opens the airlock trying to take care of the Parademons. The others get it to close... but not before Nightwing is thrown into space.
There, he stares at the ship holding his friends and mentors. There, he wishes more than anything that he can, somehow, survive. There, he tries to live, if only so his family don't have to bury him like Jason.
There, Nightwing dies, wanting to save everyone, even with the cold seeping into his bones far too quickly for a regular section of space.
Then, Dick opens his eyes to... Earth? There's a little house, and grass, and trees, but there's a bubble of green over it all. Outside of that green was an entire castle, one that looked like it should have far more support beams than it does for even a hope that it stays standing.
And the sky was swirling shades of that same green. It makes him think of Lazarus.
"Well, that's something you don't see every day." He whips his head behind him, a bit too fast for Earth's atmosphere, but it doesn't hurt him. Past the bubble of green was a blue-skinned adult in purple robes, the insides of a grandfather-clock fitted inside their torso, and a black staff with a stopwatch on its top. Beside them was a man with snow white hair, glowing green eyes, a crown of frozen fire dancing above his head, and the most galaxy-like cloak Dick's ever seen clasped to his shoulders. He's wearing... a hazmat suit? Maybe? The twinkling stars and odd lighting of wherever he is were giving him a bit of a headache.
But in front of those two, within this bubble, was...
"DICK!" Wally shouted with unrestrained glee, a blur overtaking his spot for barely a heartbeat before Dick's stuck in a crushing hug that he reciprocates once his brain stops feeling like its melting.
He doesn't know how long it took for them to calm down, but the man with the crown spoke up after a time, as Wally was still wiping their faces free of tears. "Welcome to the Infinite Realms, Nightwing." Dick barely even registered that he was still wearing his suit, but now it felt suffocating. "I suppose you're the one Clockwork was holding out for; There shouldn't've been enough Ectoplasm around you to form a Ghost, and your physical body's still in space. I can see why you like this one, though, Clockie," he states flippantly, turning to his companion. Almost like he didn't expect Dick to pay too close attention to what he was saying.
"Either way, there's two options for you." The man didn't let Dick swallow his tears and question anything. Dick's not sure if he's grateful or not. "First: Stay in the Realms permanently. You'll see Kid Flash whenever you want and learn to be a Ghost with the denizens of the Realms. Maybe find your parents."
"But..." Dick pulls away from Wally, keeping him at arms length, eyes flitting between them. The two outside the bubble were distinctly... ghost-like, so the mentions of 'Ghosts' make sense. But Wally looked... alive. A bit pale, a bit thin... but alive. Dick can't see any of his own skin to see if it was blue or tinted that way, but the Nightwing symbol on his chest kept flickering between its own blue and this 'Realms' green. "But--What about the others? What about you? Why can't you come home?" The last two, he focuses on Wally, because now he can feel a heartbeat beneath his gloves. Wally's alive. He's alive.
His friend just shrugs. "Something about their portals not fit for the living? I'm meant to wait for someone to figure out a permanent portal, but they won't tell me how long that'll take." Wally glares at the... 'Ghosts'? There was a heat to it, but it also seemed like this was a well-worn argument.
"The permanent portal was always an 'if', Wallace West. And that is entirely dependent on if Richard Grayson takes the second option," the clock Ghost--Clockwork?--speaks up. But instead of the adult Dick was expecting, there was an elderly Ghost in their place. Still with the time motif. Was that... more literal than Dick took it?
"Yes, the second option..." The crowned man glares daggers at Clockwork. The temperature dips below comfortable. Dick tries to blink the spaceship and stars out of his sight, withdrawing his arms from Wally to try and warm himself. Tries to remember he's not in space. "The second option is that you return to your body... changed. You'll be able to protect Earth better, stay with your alive family, save the Lost Ones... for a price."
Dick doesn't know if he should ignore the plural in 'Lost Ones'. He doesn't know if he's reading too much into how, in this Realm, apparently only his parents were able to be found. Where's Jason? He doesn't dare hope, but...
"What's the price?"
The man smiles and a ring of blue forms around his waist. It splits in two and travels up and down his body, replacing the cloak and whatever clothes he was actually wearing with a NASA shirt, worn jeans, and red sneakers actually duct taped together. The blue tint to his otherwise tan skin fades completely. His hair turns black. His eyes turn blue.
He was like a taller, slightly slimmer, way hotter version of Bruce.
The man walks through the bubble, but doesn't disturb the grass beneath his feet. "You become the Ghost King's vassal." Dick flinches away and almost hides behind Wally. "Not my idea! But, well... it is either this, or your permanent death."
"What does becoming a vassal do to him?" Wally asks, gently trying to stop Dick from breaking his ribs with how tightly he was hugging himself. Does he even have ribs?
"He gains my powers. Ice, electricity, invisibility, intangibility, flight... He becomes a Halfa. He becomes what I was, in life. Just... needing to make offerings to me, now and then. Something like that, at least. I give him powers, he gives me a chunk of, I don't know, chocolate once a week. Like a warlock."
Wally keeps talking to the man, keeps getting information that he knows he should pay attention to, but something in his chest screams to accept this deal, and he can't focus on anything else.
Nightwing can protect. He can return to life and go back to BlĂŒdhaven, be the Vigilante they need. He can visit Gotham every now and then, help with cases and stop criminals from harming others. He can see his brother. He can see his friends. He can eat Alfred's cookies, and have little get-togethers with Babs and the Team--hell, he can argue with Bruce.
And all he has to do is... give an offering to this guy? The Ghost King? Every once in a while?
"There's no other price?" The King turns his attention to Dick. His eyes had shifted to a blue-green that almost hypnotize him. The green swirls, the blue forms and melts like snowflakes, and he can't look away.
He takes another step forward and Wally steps to the side. There was familiarity between them. Wally deferred to him. Dick can't quite tell why. Though, with how Wally hasn't once looked at Clockwork, maybe it's because he's... grounded? Are all speedsters in trouble with, what, the Ghost of Time? That... actually makes perfect sense.
"I'll be honest, Nightwing: You've impressed me." The weight behind the King's words lifts the ones that've been on his shoulders since he was nine. "You remind me of myself. Maybe, if I wasn't a Halfa... If I had a mentor... I could've been like you.
"Despite Clockwork's insistence over the years that I get back in touch with the living, I've held off. When he eventually suggested that I help create another Halfa, I locked him in his tower for twenty years. I didn't want anyone to go through what I had. But, now... I see that you won't. You can't. Even if you hide this deal--our shared powers... You'll still have people by your side. Strong people. Smart people. You can already handle yourself. And I'd love to see what you can do--who you can save--with my help."
There was maybe two inches between their faces when the King finishes speaking. Dick roves his eyes across the other's face, trying to find the common and familiar ticks that show lies and deceit and manipulation. All he finds is sincerity and genuine care.
Wally plays with his fingers from the corner of his eye, gaze hopeful as he looks between the two of them. Wally, who was alive and breathing and able to leave if he accepts. Eventually. Somehow.
Dick Grayson sends a quiet apology to his parents and hopes they will forgive him for being a little bit selfish.
"I accept."
He flings his eyes open. Above him, domino mask too wobbly to be properly secured anymore, was Robin crying and begging him to wake up. His hands were sloppily placed over his heart. Batman was trying to drag him away, the firm set of his jaw screaming grief.
Nightwing gasps once he registers his lungs burning.
There's a large cacophony of noise, multiple bright suits and people hounding over him, and the distinct artificial taste of slightly-too-much oxygen that the ship with the Parademons had. That he flew out of and died. He was still too cold.
Someone moves their arm beneath his knees and shoulder and Dick passes out.
(Dick 'Nightwing' Grayson dies in space. Ghost King Danny Phantom likes this too-human Hero. They split their souls in half, take one piece of the others, and all they know is that Phantom is now Nightwing's Patron Deity. Danny uses ice, for electricity killed him. Dick uses electricity, for ice killed him. They are opposites, and yet so incredibly similar. Clockwork was looking forward to when Danny starts putting off his paperwork to hang out with his new 'friend'.)
#i dont think ive seen something like this yet but its been stuck in my mind for like ten months#also i dont see enough death defying so this was like heavily implying that#ive imagined dick just. not telling anyone what happened. even when his powers get a little out of control. he just. like. makes a bowl#of cereal and leaving it on the counter and just saying 'for the. uh. ghost king? lil help?' and thats how danny first shows up again#eventually dick really does wonder bout the lazarus and gets to ra's. sees that one new assassin. ghost sense goes off. hes never had THAT#happen before. confusion. the assassin HESITATES to attack him. oh. oh fuck. jay? oh fuck the dude flinched. GET RA'S OUT HERE NOW DAMNIT#WHATVE YOU DONE TO JAY??? I DONT WANNA HEAR IT. *pulls a tim and explodes something*. JASON WE'RE GOING. just full on grabs the guy and#gets back on the plane. theyre going to blud#at some point in time constantine meets nightwing. takes one look at him. turns around. fucks RIGHT off. tries to never be near him again#1 thats a HALFA hes gonna try and get john in the realms bc o all the soul contracts. 2 hes DRENCHED in 'do not touch belongs to ghost king#and he does NOT FUCK with the ghost king. 3 is that? THE GHOST KING'S RING ON HIS FINGER???#turns out danny gave him that after a particularly good offering that they dont realize counted as courtship. oopsies#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc au#dick grayson#danny fenton#nightwing#death defying ship#halfa dick grayson#dc x dp#dc x dp prompt#dc x dp crossover#vwoopis posts
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You know, on one hand I kinda grok what parents are attempting when they take steps to make sure their children aren't told they have x mental issue. Defining yourself by a list of symptoms and having that list be like. a part of your identity can seriously mess you up when getting treatment or just aging into or out of different symptoms changes your relationship with those symptoms.
But on the other hand maybe getting put on ADHD medication would have prevented me going through school regularly only sleeping a few hours 4 days a week and 0 hours the other 3.
like. the chronic insomnia and sleep deprivation directly contributed to a handful of extremely serious mental crackings that would have resulted in suicide if I had 5% less of a strangle hold on my mental issues, and it's also probably why my health took an extreme dip around that time and why I didn't even finish more than sophomore year.
#my evidence for why adhd meds would have helped: i am on them now and sleep a normal 8 hours. off them im right back to the whole#not sleeping until i pass out from exhaustion and then only sleeping 4 hours max before repeating the cycle#and then eventually cracking and sleeping entire days away#did that from the ages of 6 to 22. so yeah mother this was definitely healthier than knowing i had adhd and taking meds for it#anyways the move is done and i can finally do my own stuff now đ
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(abt my last ask) thank you for the answer, your understanding of charas is trully stellar!
I wanted to ask, what's your take on recovery!au (unless you intend to cover it in your fic)? In the universe, where Jimmy happens, but the crew somehow survives. Everyone is traumatised, Anya is pregnant, Curly is disabled (could he even be able to afford disability aids? Pony express in no more, would they even be paid a sufficient compensation?). There is also a question of p*lice investigation (or whatever agency is responsible for space crimes), even more trauma... Man, it's bleak.
-đ
I like them sad but for emotional and physical recovery reason rather than all the actual legal stuff that would ensue.
I like when Swansea relapsing is explored and Daisuke losing a little bit of his light. I am clearly a big supporter of Anya and Curly remaining close friend after but I think exploring the unhealthy dynamics of the trauma bond theyâd develop should be played with way more. I think itâs a bit annoying when people are on the nose about Anya telling Curly he shouldâve done more, especially when heâs struggling through recovery.
I feel like people really want her to be a character to rub salt into wounds, just to give her something cathartic, but itâs just OOC for me. Itâs not a kindness thing but I donât think she wants that sort of guilt to stay with him like that? He did not do what Jimmy did, he couldâve done more to stop it but she would not intentionally try to direct what she can never take out towards Jimmy at Curly. At least when they all make it out. This is not to say she doesnât think he shouldnât have any remorse but she understands that no one else could have foreseen Jimmy crashing the ship or getting that bad.
I like when it gets psychoanalytic in fics with the crew. Talk about Curly finally opening up on details on how he and Jimmy were friends, have the others realize how bad Jimmy was to even Curly, not a lot of people realize that they donât know how Jimmy was to him. Have Anya be angry and snippy, have her worry sheâs becoming like Jimmy even though she could never be like him, itâs that fear though, that she is owed that cathartic release and may take it out on others in some selfish subconscious desire to reclaim control for herself. Have her actualize-herself, is med school the only option? What does she want now? Does Swansea divorce his wife, give up on the life he created because he was just following the path of a good man, one he didnât believe? Or does he stay and use the time he has left to make it something he believes in. How is Daisuke? Is he more mature or does he lose a little light? What are his new aspirations if any? His relationship with his parents?
Ultimately, I think a recover au should really focus on just them actually getting to know each other and filling themselves. So much of their interactions were likely based on coworker dynamics first. With that out the window they are now people who canât really move on from each other but need to move on in life.
#ngl Iâm a baby and do like recovery aus where jimmy dies and Curly is injured but not as badly#mainly because the theme of characters not getting what they desire both as like a reward and improper punishment hurt#like that shouldâve been Jimmy in the damn cockpit like again wtf is wrong with curly cause he was just no fear or plan willing to risk his#life like again he wouldâve eventually done the right thing and had to live with the guilt of not doing it sooner cause mans effectively#killed himslef with that stunt idk heâs an odd white fellow#I want Anya to be happiest in these aus because no one talks value the fear of becoming like ur abuser in a way like sheâd be stuck on so#many ways he affected her and not know if she was like this before or he brought it out of her like would she feel like she gave curly to#him to abuse the bruises has to be obvious to a nurse did she really think they wouldnât get into the med bay#was she being merciful to curly or not caring anymore like Jimmy wouldnât? itâs not fair to her to have these thoughts#her attempts at doing the right thing were not misguided by selfish delusions but god she thinks they are for a bit Polle haunts her in a#different way as she realizes none of this was her burden and it shouldnât be anyone elseâs#idk post aus are fun but I just hate when people make it about punishing a character or overly pessimistic like damn get rid of that fix it#tag if nothing is resolved and everyon still wants to die 10 chapters in im trying to cry tears of relief i will be back for chapter 11#mouthwashing#ask#đ anon
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#im sorry communism daddy disneyâs dick is just too enticing#i was gonna do a bunch of these but then i realized i am gonna Die at my lectures tomorrow if i do#this is like late uni AU like year four of med school and joy has been involved in a bunch of student activities and is like#a Well Known Presence#a term or two above anx#and anx had a Giant like celebrity crush on her but like could not even conceptualize them i. a conversation like in her mind this is like#idk kristen stewart hot gay gets-shit-done undeniable main character socially intelligent#and sometime year four she ends up in anx class and like Immediately has a friend group bc she knows everyone but also Immediately HATESanx#bc anx asks a lot of questions and wants to make sure she gets things right but is also just an Intense people pleaser#joy mostly dislikes that she disrupts the flow of the lecture. but they get into arguments in assigned discussion groups and that#NEVER happens for joy (actually it does a lot but itâs usually easier for her to defend her self-righteousness)#eventually she has a breakdown after a hospital placement bc she has some Serious issues w OCD and had to redo a whole term#they never really start ti hang out. but they do have wayy too unfiltered conversations in the maternity ward breakroom at 4am#art tag#inside out#io2#joyxiety#i know it sucks but im fucking knackered#inside out joy#inside out anxiety
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Frustrating when a VC-funded company gets credit for being the "first" and the "leader," when they had a sub-component demo the same week we had a full-system demo. Like, we are easily 5-10 years ahead of them, it's ridiculous; their approach isn't even yet proven to work. But they get science youtubers talking about them.
Because they're VC-funded, they have a marketing/press department.
And because we're an employee-owned company working off of government contracts, well, most government contracts get slapped with an ITAR label (an old Cold-War-era law saying basically sharing scientific information counts as illegally selling arms/munitions). So if you want to publicize your work, including your company's products, you have to appeal that label. (Universities have specifically negotiated a blanket exemption, so if you spend your whole life in academic science you might never even know about this.)
(My previous employer filed those appeals several times a year in order to do press releases and publish journal articles and apply for patents. I think every single information-release appeal they filed went through, because there's no reason any of this stuff should be labeled as arms--it's literally the same stuff universities are doing. My current employer is afraid to, which I think is wrong-headed; at worst they'll just say no, and anyway, our non-restricted competitors are giving fucking lab tours to youtubers.)
#these restrictions mean you also can't have employees on visas working on these projects#my previous employer tried to appeal that too and failed--they were only able to appeal the dissemination of information part#so we had locked labs that my international coworkers weren't allowed in#(one got a green card and was allowed in eventually)#ironically the VC-funded company is doing it the same way I did it in my PhD thesis#two other people at the company did this stuff in their post-docs#all of us are over 40 (one guy is over 50 I'm pretty sure) so this is not a new technique--I got two MINOR papers on it 16 years ago#the MAJOR papers are like 25 years old#and we're all convinced it's NOT the right approach#granted the technique we are using is about 30 years old#in my literal thesis defense one of my committee members asked why I was using the technique the VC companies are now using#and if I had done the math to prove it was superior to the older technique#and I was like--everyone knows the new technique is superior that's why it's trendy#and my advisor (who was a genius) said the same thing and that it wasn't a fair question#but the guy who asked it was an ancient theorist who REALLY knew what he was talking about#and in retrospect he was completely right--I should have done the math comparing the techniques and the older technique IS better#a few weeks into my job here I did the math and found that if you use the BEST version of the new technique--one that only one group#has demonstrated can even be done and they didn't get all the way to the point of demonstrating an application like this#and you assume some generous efficiency numbers#it breaks even with the old technique#that's not what this VC group is doing so... not a chance lol
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Sparkstember Day 25: Hippopotamus (What The Hell Is It This Time?)
My Hippopotamus rant is here. I love Hippo and I think this was one of the best examples of how putting something off for later can be a very good idea sometimes. So I didn't hear most of it until this summer, and hearing the whole album then was one of the biggest highlights of that time. Thank you modern era Sparks for always bringing us the awesomest music ever.
#hippopotamus my beloveddddddd. also i like this drawing a lot!!! :)#i actually managed to make the letters and fire look pretty close to what they're like in the music video so that's pretty epic#anyways my favs are still roughly the same. but lately i've been also really enjoying probably nothing. beautiful somg#and now it's tagent(s) time because i thought it would be fun to buy a hippo plushie for this day and pose it for a photo#but well i don't even have this album physically so idk what other cool way i could have done this in#and yeah i mostly wanted to get something hippo-themed anyway#because a while ago i had to pass up on very awesome socks with hippos on them because they didn't have the right size#and i'm still thinking about them sometimes (i'm the biggest fan of fun socks)#ALSO... my original original plan for hippo (and ecotd tbh)#was to wait with them until something epic and sparks-related was happening. like travelling to see them on tour#well that didn't happen as we all know so. moved on from that idea eventually#but the future is bright anyway because i love modern era sparks sm and i can actually look forward to new albums coming out soon-ish#from both of my biggest favs AND another band that i've been getting into lately so uhhhh if not 2024#then can please at least 2025 be the year of awesomeness and amazingness that i've been waiting for?!?!?#ok this isn't even about hippo anymore so i'll just finish now#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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lil OdyPen headcanon:
My Odysseus "design" (I cannot, for the life of me, draw) has longish, incredibly curly hair, 1.) because he is a "man of many twists and turns" and his hair is the same way (he gets it from his mom. Ctimene is the same. It's a Hermes descendant thing) and 2.) because "long-haired Achaeans", and 3.) from what I know, curly hair was the beauty standard of the time. I like imagining Odysseus as a "pretty boy" mostly because Homer doesn't shut up about it and also, it's handy for when he has to "Manipulate, Mansplain, Malewife" haha. All he has to do is bat his lashes and he now has 3 more goats than what is fair. (He's also a "redhead/auburn". In the shade, it looks more brown, in the sun more red. Sneaky man, sneaky redhead.)
Getting to the point, OdyPen are both fidgeters. Constantly messing with jewelry, their clothing, hair, items in their hands, etc. When they get together they often do the same to each other in a way. (tracing lines on palms while scheming, twisting the ring around the others finger while listening to the court poet, rubbing at the stone on the other's necklace/broach/etc. shit like that.)
Penelope often messes with his hair. Usually with one stand. With it being so curly and with how often she'll do it. (he really is like a cat haha he likes being pampered and pampering her) it's not uncommon for him to get up with one super long straight strand of hair that stands out from the curls. He just either rolls with it or ties it up :D
#can't think much right now so this is from drafts but yeee#bleh silly but you know :D#shot by odysseus#Mad rambles#I say this as someone who has done this to her cousin's hair haha.#My cousin used to have REALLY curly hair growing up and I was practicing hair on her before eventually just combing one strand#We were watching a movie and when she got up she just had one long straight strandđ
#odypen#my headcanons
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Angelsâ trueforms in their most memorable moments [26/?] - Nephilim fetus: regular nephil, sired by a regular angel (above) and Jack, sired by Lucifer (below)
inprnt | society6 | redbubble | teepublic | ko-fi
#NEW ONE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES!!! I TOLD YALL I WASN'T DONE WITH THIS!!!#SO sorry it took so long. i still can't control my artblocks. but i've had this idea for so long#spn#spnart#spn art#mine.caro#ok so. explanation time. cracking my knuckles. i haven't done this in so long ahhhh#so i HAD to do nephilim eventually. of course. and the key thing about them is they're the children of angels and humans#and i figured i'd start with a fetus bc that's the nephil version of the angel factory settings. and that needed a shape like the AFS did#it felt right to go with a sphere. and after the nephil is born and becomes a more distinct individual etc the spheres unravel in different#ways. some open up like pillbugs (woodlouse? i never know the right name). others sprout like seeds. others spiral out. the possibilities#are endless hehe. and the sphere had to have a mix of angel trueform and human soul. which i've been coding so far as the black and white#trueforms and collages. so that was settled. but that couldn't be it bc it's not just one and the other. they're integrated in one thing#so. for the regular nephil i filled out some cells in black like angel trueforms and others with collages. in the trueforms cells#and it's Earthly Things like plants and body parts and fruits and animals water and the sky and rocks etc. and a bigger solid collage block#that's just body parts. so specifically human stuff. AND THEN i took that sphere (well circle) and cut it up and kintsugi'ed it with#angel grace. feels like a way to go to represent nephil. and then i added the angel wheels to look like a sort of proto version of AFS#and that's regular nephil. for jack he had to be different bc lucifer nephil is thee antichrist. it's different. so i followed the samelogi#but based on the lucifer trueform instead of AFS. so i painted the solid black with alcohol-based markers so i could smudge it with alcohol#and then added the collage bits (more from a fitness magazine than a fashion magazine i used for the other one. gets a more aggressive vibe#i think. more flexed muscles) and painted the chaotic smoke cloud over it. and then i did the same kintsugi process. i was gonna do it in#silver but figured it made no sense. it should be the same. and the black and gold look cool#and what else. regular nephil has a rosary-like umbilical cord! emerging from one of the poles of the sphere so to speak#and jack has none :// partly bc i forgot at first kfjg but then i didn't go back to add it bc i feel that matches fetus jack's situation#considering it's an angel grace umbilical cord#and i think that's it!#these aren't up on the stores yet but im gonna add them now#hope they're worth the wait. if anyone was waiting for more#Trueforms
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pallas in book one is definitely at it-cannot-possibly-get-worse-than-this ABSOLUTE rock bottom but god. there is such a specific flavour to their despair in book two that only happens because of the realization they have at the end of lay me down. like. how do you move on after admitting that everything you believed in was a lie. how do you live with what youâve done (with what has been done to you). is it possible to pull yourself up out of the pit youâve dug. what do you do if it isnât. what do you do if it IS. and once you look at the damage how do you stop looking. past the first layer of hurt thereâs just more and more hurt and you were used by the one person who was supposed to keep you safe to cause even MORE pain and no matter how deep you go none of it means anything! it never meant anything at all!! motherfucker your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#pallasâs whole arc in the first book is getting to the point where they go âmaybe i? feel bad about all this?? actually???â#i cannot overstate enough that it takes an entire book to get them to that point lmao#and then itâs like. newsflash buddy now youâve gotta DEAL with that#it really is the mental equivalent of getting into a hot bath of after being out in the cold for a whole day#and the interesting thing about pallas in the first book and their status as a villian and like. their eventual âoh SHITâ moment#is that pallas doesnât need to realize that theyâre a bad person doing bad things#pallas is VERY aware that they are a bad person doing bad things#itâs actually more about realizing the harm thatâs been done to them? like as a human being??#bc they very much have the attitude of âwell of course iâm doing bad things i was born as an inherently evil person thereâs nothing else#iâm capable of doing the most i can hope for is that someone points me in the right direction and iâll be able to do the hard things#that other people cannot (and SHOULD NOT) doâ#so THATS the mindset that needs to be unlearned before they can start moving forward? if that makes sense?#less âshit are we the baddies?â and more âshit have i been horrifically abused?â#but then after that realization all the blood theyâve spilled is still there. and they should never have had to do that. no one should ever#have to do that. but they did and now theyâre starting to see the full extent of what that means#and they have to find a way to live with it.#and itâs absolutely DEVASTATING.#wip: ghost story#pallas#iâve been working on the book two outline. if you couldnât tell. head in absolute hands rn.
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scare the hoes more and keep yapping about ekky (& others) getting used to maffhew, it delights me. and say even more about how sasha handles this feral and sweet omega that gets dropped into his orbit. smth smth âfeels like iâve known him 10 yearsâ or whatever vows sasha recited to the press, cameras, and god
apparently we are taking more tumblr user ratatatastic abo yap thoughts for 500 may god hear our screams up wherever he is. big man in the sky you fuckin owe me one.
i think theres so much in particular to say in concerns of 1619 and how quickly they gelled irl but even more so in an abo au
ive always enjoyed when people assign matthew stronger scents that take getting used to if you don't like it already and i know ive read a fic where his scent notes did skew towards stronger cinnamon foods/drinks
anyways on that note it wouldnt surprise me that sasha takes so easy to this spicy little omega.
Like of course he does, he smells like the pastries he used to eat back at home, the pastries he eats now because he's found an established Finnish bakery down here that makes them homemade every morning, the bakery he likes to frequent with the other Finns when he can.
Is it ever a wonder that the cute omega that sent him such a terribly sweet text when the trade news broke out (you know, after the initial excitement worn off because Sasha does chuckle at memory of the brash "Fucking, right!" that pinged on his phone the very first time from an unknown number) smells like... home... No matter all the rumours that have swirled around Matthew, the rumours Sasha has personally experienced himself playing against him...he smells nostalgic. Like Sasha could be at home right nowâyou know, home homeâlounging outside his cottage with tea and pastries on the little table that he's set out. The warm cinnamon that wafts from the typically sterile room they've assigned for pressers smells divine, for lack of a better word. It smells indulgent. Because Sasha can't have those homely pastries all the time, what, with his training regiment.
It's why he doesn't quite believe it that Matthew's the one that's the centre of it all. He's absolutely convinced he's hallucinating because the season is about to start and he's had to cut back on all his favourite sweets as much as it pains him to but for the betterment of the team? He'd do anything. And yet despite the way he rubs at his nose to at least try to clear it, he smells that cinnamon. That cinnamon that's definitely coming from new omega they traded over who's laughing so obnoxiously at the lectern they have set up that if his scent didn't catch your attention, his loud mannerisms certainly did. His voice is practically bouncing off the walls in big loud echoes that should hurt Sashaâs ears. Emphasis on should. As it is he finds his heart melting more than it should instead.
It's been quite a long time since someone's scent has moved him this much. All the people that have, have been in his life for so long he's forgotten what it's like to feel instant scent compatibility. His nostrils are flaring and he's trying his best not to open his mouth to huff in big gulps of it because it's rather impolite to be so obviously scenting the new guy. It could be misconstrued as Sasha taking offence to the new presence in the room.
Some part of his brain is still trying to catch up to the idea that Matthew even smells at all because the first time he met him (down here for some joint offseason ice-time) he didn't particularly smell like much, if at all really. Whether it's because he put on blockers to not intrude on pack territory until he smelled more like them, or he was still on suppressants even in the summer, Sasha wasn't sure and he definitely wasn't going to ask about it.
Known him for 10 years? He feels like he's known him his whole life. But 10's a safe number, 10's a number that won't scare off this new omega, right? 10's a number that conveys "As Captain I want this to work out, I'm opening up my pack for you, I won't shun you, you're welcome here," and not "If I stick my nose in your neck right now to scent you, they're gonna have to forcibly evict me from the new home I've found in you, and it's not gonna be a pretty outcome."
It's also why he's a little nervous when Media Day is over because despite how much it dragged along in years past it practically blitzed by and now Sasha has toâ
You know, properly scent the new addition. Give them the purring acceptance of their Pack leader's scent to carry with them. And it's nothing big, it's just some chaste wrist rubbing... something subtle and not too overwhelming for everyone: the pack, and the newcomer alike. It's not like Sasha is going to mouth at Matthew's neck glands. He doesn't think he can even handle that right now but that's a problem for future Sashaâfor when Matthew is really part of the pack and not like a goldfish in a plastic bag being dunked into an aquarium to get used to the water temperature. He just has to rub his wrist against his, it's like basic Alpha etiquette. It'll be fine, mostly. He hopes.
And it's as anticlimactic as he thought it'd be: gentle reintroductions and reignited chatter of excitement about the new season that's about to start... maybe just with the new lingering scent of sweet and spice in the background as if someone lit up a candle without Sasha even noticing it. It's a struggle to keep his eyes from closing from how heavy they feel, from how relaxed he feels in the presence of this new omega he knows has pissed him off on several occasions as composed as he was about it.
Matthew presents his wrist in a flourish successfully managing to divert his attention back to what they're supposed to be doing all alone like this in the dressing room like this, "I'm sure you've been dying to do this huh, Cap?"
Sweat starts to break out at the back of his neck. He knows? Sasha doesn't think he's been sending off any signals that could've hinted otherwise but Sasha admits that he's well out of practise, he hasn't had to reign in his scent this much in such a long time, and maybe Matthew picked up his weird fixationâ
Matthew waggles his eyebrows for extra effect an offbeat later when the joke doesn't seem to land the way he wanted it to.
Oh, thank Christ, he's just teasing him. It's a joke. He doesn't actually mean it in the way Sasha thought he meant.
"Yes. Yes, I have," Sasha chuckles in relief, shaking his head at Matthew's attempt to lighten the mood.
"10 years, or so I've heard, bud."
"You heard? Uh, listened to the..." he trails off.
"Kinda hard not to when the setup made it sound like you were in the middle of the Earth, my guy. I don't think my ears are ever gonna recover from that."
"It's the first day for everyone," Sasha lightly chastises, not particularly aggrieved at all but wanting to keep up the banter to stall for time, so he can prepare himself. Quite honestly he feels like travelled back in time to the young anxious Alpha he was breaking out into the league for the first time.
"Be gentle, I bruise easily."
"Right, gentle. I'll treat you better than my clothes on the delicate cycle."
"Is that supposed to be a line?" Matthew says in glee, his voice pitching into incredulity.
"Line like fishing?"
"Oh, come on! You know what I'm talking about! You've been in this country long enough to pick up on that!"
"Yes, yes, that."
Matthew shoves at his shoulder playfully. "Just go on and do the thing already."
"Doing the thing."
Matthew snorts but his wrist is limp in Sashaâs hold. And as much as it was a dumb joke he does feel delicate between his fingers like that. So delicate that when he rubs his own wrist against hisâto transfer over their pack scentâhe feels like he's going to break it if he holds onto it for too long. It's why he drops it as quick as he took it, hands scrambling to his sides in an effort to remain polite but also to get a handle on himself so his pheromones don't go haywire with the new stimulus. It's a bit of a losing battle because he knows his scent just. But he can play it off as the excitement of an Alpha being able to claim another member to his pack, it's a possessive kind of thing.
"Well, see you around! Call it a hunch but I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of each other." And the joke wasn't funny the first time, truly the equivalent of leaning on the office fax machine and going "You come here often?" to your coworkers who just want to get their work doneâand just as sleazy too with the greasy grin Matthew has permanently stuck to his face but Sasha still laughs like he did the first time he heard it.
And it's only now that Matthew is gone that Sasha realises the room smells strongly of cinnamon, so potent that anyone with a working nose would be able to tell that. Like Matthew was doing his best to ease Sashaâs obvious nerves when Sasha should've been the one to calm the omega who's been uprooted from their own pack and thrown into a completely new environment, himself.
"Jesus, it reeks in here. Smells like cinnamon," Aaron wrinkles his nose, wandering back in after his own media duties were done, finding Sasha all alone in the locker rooms.
"It does?" Like he can't tell the room smells like the equivalent of someone knocking over a Yankee Candle into an open fire.
"Yeah, like an awful lot." Aaron scrunching up his nose, trying to fight off an incoming sneeze. "It's strong," he says without thinking, swallows before his eyes shift over to Sasha and then to the floor, "Not bad just... strong..." The I can get used to it is left unspoken between them.
"I like it," Sasha admits because if Aaron is confessing to things without thinking then he might as well too. They've known each other long enough.
"I can tell." Aaron snorts, "You reek too."
Sasha lets out a questioning little noise, tilts his head to the side as he silently urges Aaron to continue.
"You have no idea what cinnamon and cardamom smell like together, do you? I feel like I walked into a bakery when I should be at the gym right now."
"Is that bad?"
"For you? No, of course not," Aaron's eyes soften, and while his scent wasn't anywhere close to abrasive, it does lighten up just a tad bit in the presence of his pack Alpha. "For me? I'd rather dunk my head in a bucket of coffee beans." A bit of an exaggeration on Aaron's part but the wry grin he has on really adds to the fact he's just jokingâjust a little, maybe there's some truth hidden in there. He knows how Aaron is, the way he tries to downplay anytime he bristles about something. Peace and vibes, and all that.
So Sasha can joke as well, "Forsy's stall is over there," and motions his head towards it across the room.
"Oh, hilarious."
"If I was funny I would say jock."
"You know, what? I think I will hit the gym today, thanks for reminding me."
"Mmm, anytime." And when Aaron's half out the door he adds, "Ask the staff where they put the jerseys we used today!"
"I'm going! To the gym!" he echoes back, not bothering to turn around as he shuffles down the hall in a hurry, and decidedly not going in the direction of the gym. It's not surprising when he hears chatter pick up and shoes scuffing briskly into the direction of the laundry rooms.
#ask#instead of actually writing the things i wanted to get done i did this instead thanks guys#not to âcontroversially new hot younger girlfriendâ maffhew but im gonna#timeline here doesnt make sense like quote wise so like you know#chat... matthew was not joking when he said well be seeing more of each other#he was fully intending to sit on that knot the first time he saw sasha#sasha is just dumb#god can you just imagine the ways in which maffhew would drive this nice polite alpha absolutely insane#can you imagine the way sasha accidently brushes his hand across the back of his neck because hes trying to wrap an arm around his shoulder#in camaraderie and sasha is so apologetic about it because dynamic classes in finland are intense and hes so remorseful about it#and then in the midst of all that maffhew just turns into this little purr machine and sasha is like oh i think i touched a button i should#not have touched at all oh god oh fuck#and maffhews like mmm? whyd you stop#pan to sasha silently freaking out#not to say sasha doesnt enjoy scruffing his omegas because they love it but he hasnt met one who enjoys it as much as maffhew does#and it kinda fucks him up#also speaking to ekky getting used to maffhews scent like oh boy i can see sooooo many ways that can go down like maffhew is respectful#of ekkys boundaries but also at some point ekky has had enough time to mope and for lack of a better word he does need to grow up#which is why maffhew starts off subtly you know standing on the dman side of the lockers for a few minutes. chatting up the guys over there#before ekky walks in you know leave a ghost of his scent around. its not strong and its not offensive but it certainly is there#eventually he just full on starts chucking his dirty socks at ekky after games#going oops sorry missed the bin didnt mean to snipe you (he absolutely did. he gets extra points if he hits ekkys face!)#sometimes a stray jersey too. if he really wants to make ekky mad he will just slingshot his biohazard-in-training-jock over.#i also think when ekky gets the yips when he starts pacing a little harder than usual when his chuckles turn a little too nervous#maffhew has enough and just like a worried hen of a men just manhandles ekky around in his arms and shoves at him till he puts his nose#in his neck and ekkys arguing the whole time like this isnt necessary im fine-#and matthews like right im sure thats why your teeth are chattering worse than a fucking woodchipper eh?#ekky cant really reply to that and maffhew tells him to just shut up and start sniffing#and it does help and he hates that he admits maffhew was right that he just needed to be clucked over by another omega#opening yapdoras box the lot of you. utterly awful. I HAVE THINGS TO DOOOOOOOOOOOO
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i hate being an adult i hate money i hate bills i hate healthcare and health insurance
#im fine im just upset that it is VERY likely i'm going to have to front $700 of my own money for work reasons this week#bc nobody at work will help me resolve this!! apparently! i'll be paid back eventually but not for a few weeks#and that i may run out of a prescription while i'm on my trip and i was trying to get it filled and have been bouncing around on the phone#to find out that it's the insurance company that won't pay for it until june and i dont want to pay out of pocket#i'll live til then and i may actually have enough til then (i need to just physically count all the pills; i just knew it was running low)#but i'm so frustrated that after i hung up the phone with CVS that i just cried a little#i'm not gonna call the insurance. the last thing i want to do is deal with those guys when i know it's not going to kill me if i run low#(i have been taking half doses to stretch the bottle. is that advised? who knows! but i've done it before and it aint killed me)#i'm just. sigh. nothing going right for me this week#there's also ANOTHER medication that was supposed to refill this week but didn't because it had no refills left. i should've got it today#sooooo i had to call that pharmacy and that doctor to basically beg them to refill it asap or at least send me a sample#i also wont die if i run out of that one (already taken half doses to stretch it this week) but contrary to the other one i will notice thi
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.
#while i was on my trip there was a tarot reading booth so i got mine read for topic: âmoneyâ#i never try this bcs im skeptical but that also means my sample size for cross-referencing is zilch. nonetheless leaving this log#mumblings#it was an interesting experience bc my sister had hers read for topic: âloveâ right before my turn#when she drew her five cards (deliberately picking them out in a random roundabout way) all of them were related to romance somehow#e.g card of man and woman + kneeling man presenting flowers to woman + pair of wedding rings#apparently this year she will meet a man with a personality opposite to hers. he will gift her a present and eventually propose to her#we laughed abt it afterwards bc she's a fashion student.. so all the men she links up with to model her garments r gay.#i wasnt paying close attention but im pretty sure i drew from the exact same deck yet i didnt pick any lover-looking cards#i drew mine rather predictably - mostly picking cards near the middle. one by one from left to right#my first three cards apparently gave context of fortune/luxury/nobility as real estate agent#then the fourth card was like. a cunning hooded figure sitting amidst piles and bags of gold. very disturbing contrast to the first three#mood turns still tense and dramatic. tarot lady explains i will make big bank in real estate and be very greedy abt it.#then the fifth final card is turnt over and it's a neutralizing one with flowers meaning âbut despite that - i dont need to worry."#the timing of the five card reveal being done in this order mustve been staged somehow but i was too caught up in the performance of it#stared straight at the table yet could not notice how and when the deck couldve been shuffled or rearranged with sleight of hand
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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