#had to ask my Homestuck boyfriend for help on what this means

[numberonemoefan]

this is spot on, fuck yeah!

A hypothetical god tier for Preston Garvey from Fallout: the Knight of Life.

A Knight of Life is among those who use energy to influence. They are motivated by themselves to utilize growth. (x) The Knight of Life puts on a front to hide an insecurity and keeps trying even if they fail. (x) They are the Defender Child, defined by guarded growth. (x) Their opposite is the Page of Doom. Their inverse is the Rogue of Doom. They share their personality with the Heir of Doom. The Knight of Life would quest on a planet similar to the Land of Haze and Life, reigned over by Hebe (Goddess of Youth) or Asclepius (God of Medicine). They would rise to ascension on the wings of butterflies. (x)(x)(x)

[disguisedcheezed]

what made you like dirkjohn so much? like how did the ship pop into your head?

"how did the ship pop into your head?"

Okay. So, I just did some digging through my old abandoned accounts, and it turns out dirkjohn was my main reason why I read Homestuck in the first place. XD

They got me with their dumb looking faces and I thought I should just ship them because they're my favorites. And the fact that they were a blue orange color combo, which is the color combination I am very obsessed over, is just a mere coincidence that just made me like them more.

I don't even remember other shit from 2020-2022 because I was busy fighting for my life. 😭 I did knew that they had one interaction, so I just read the comic without expecting much of them as a ship but I loved them as their individual characters.

"what made you like dirkjohn so much?"

I don't just like dirkjohn. I LOVE dirkjohn. It's not even an exaggeration. I couldn't talk about dirkjohn(or just themindividually) without making poetry.

Anyway. The depressed weed boyfriends dirkjohn 2016-2019 shippers were right this. It was made sometime after the release of the snapchats where John is alone in his room for quite a while. And then there's other people who say like "of course they're being paired because they're the left overs of the kids ships", but what if it's like they were meant to be that way? What if they finally get to talk to each other and call out on each other's destructive behaviors? What is more romantic than being understood? Everyone else has figured out what to do with their lives.

Dirk helps John be grounded back into reality and tell him that there are friends that care for him. John tells Dirk to get out of his head, stop over thinking about the future and take care of himself. They inevitably take care of themselves by taking care of the other. They should take care of themselves for the other. And over time they get to share interest in watching animes, shitty movies and pranks.

The above is only showing "the good part" of dirkjohn.

"The worst part" ? Dirk and John were created in love of Everything, but they were doomed to be Nothing.

Similarities : They heavily mirror each other through almost all aspects of their lives.

Ex. (only a few. this isn't even the half of it.)

John: Rise up / Prince: Rise up

Liv Tyler / Lil Seb (puttin the bunny in the box)

Dirk sending gifts to his friends through a sendificator(red box) that helps/interacts with his friends physically(robots). John sends gifts to his friends through mail(blue box) that would give them their unique identity forever.

These conversations have the same vibe where they wanted to know what the other is really like apart from them knowing their adult counter parts:

In what aspect are they The Same? :

They hate themselves. Dirk dwells in it. John pushes it in the back of his head and doesn't want to think about any of it.

Dirkjohn Conclusion/Bare essentials: They effortlessly make the appeal themselves.

This is also why looking at HS^2 through a dirkjohn perspective just makes it a huge dirkjohn fanfiction. X

They ascend the need for a label in their relationship/any form of romance because of how intertwined they are to each other that they are a concept as a whole. (looks at the camera)

Dirk and John are the very threads of what makes Homestuck, Homestuck... Which means nothing.

End of ask mood moard;

My body is a vessel that collected every piece of Dirk and John's showed it back into the audience piece by piece and I will never stop doing it.

[sinkableruby]

if you were going to see each Monogatari character paired with another character in a story which dynamics do you think would be most compelling?

trying to catch up on asks

idk if this is for just any character or other monogatari characters but i will think on both. im also assuming this is like for dynamics we havent really seen yet as opposed to just what my favorite dynamics are

im gonna say full anime spoilers for monogatari, and spoilers for other series too occasionally? nothing TOO huge but yea

koyomi: he talks to everyone so idk how i would do this. but for outside monogatari... i want him to talk to a boy he doesnt talk to boys enough. i think he should talk to jotaro from jjba part 3 purely because i think he'd be really intimidated and it'd be funny. either that or dirk strider because (homestuck spoilers) i think they could bond over creating splinter versions of themselves and almost killing said selves as well as their mutual self hatred

senjougahara: senjougahara has the tendency to dominate the dynamic of whoever she's with and doesnt take shit from anybody so i kinda wanna see her talk to gaen izuko. bc gaen is also someone who dominates the dynamic of whoever she's with (makes sense) but i feel like senjougahara would be extremely unwilling to put up with her and very distrustful. so thered be a lot of push back on gaens scheming that i think could be interesting. as for outside monogatari, i drew a blank on this so id say maybe sakurajima mai because... not only is that series just monogatari but for a wider audience, but mai is also senjougahara but a little bit to the left. i think since they both had mysterious supernatural starts to their relationships with their respective boyfriends they would start competing over whose start was like cooler or w/e for like basically no reason. i think it'd be funny. it'd probably start a little contentious and then just become them gushing about their boyfriends. how sweet

kanbaru: i think if she talked to sodachi she could be a very positive influence in sodachi's social life that she really needs. and i think she'd also do well in cutting down sodachi's pathological self deprecation if they got close. sodachi would try to like look cool in front of her junior and kanbaru would just be like woah youre taking breaks from college thats not good are you ok... and try to offer her help in staying motivated and healthy and all that. kanbaru's inner doctor can really shine lol. outside of mono first person that comes to mind is homura from madoka and they can talk about what absolute disaster gays they are (although homura is significantly more disaster). second person that comes to mind is serinuma kae from kiss him not me because i think they could have a blast going insane about bl together

hanekawa: id like to see her talk to gaen tooe (if it were possible) because tooes ideology challenges hanekawas and i think it could further hanekawas thinking if they managed to talk. its tough for hanekawa cause shes got her whole journey shes on so shes probably super focused on that and less on bonding w ppl or w/e. i think outside of the series itd be fun if she talked to oribe yasuna just bc yasuna is so bouncy energetic and childishly playful but also so annoying that hanekawa would be a little stumped and caught off balance. she'd end up having to go along with yasunas games and be kind of annoyed about it lol.

nadeko: kinda like koyomi nadeko has talked with too many people for me to feel like i can name a new person for a dynamic. outside of the series tho... shes very reserved so she'd have to talk to someone outgoing for anything interesting to happen... she should talk to baka from the wasteful days of high school girls. baka is so rude and would probably tease nadeko for her shyness but is also so genuinely dumb that nadeko wouldnt be offended by it for very long. baka would rope her along into her usual dumb shit which means nadeko would feel put upon but also get to have fun new experiences so cool.

hachikuji: im drawing a blank. maybe numachi, just because numachi is so negative and dark and hachikuji is so encouraging and positive. i dont think theres anyone hachikuji would like get along badly with but i think hachikuji and numachi might have some disagreements that would be an interesting dynamic. hachikuji should talk to phos from hnk because they could have a fun snappy dynamic with each other and their mutual silliness. and also because phos really needs someone like hachikuji in their life 😭. other than that maybe clara valac? theyre both chaotic i think they'd have fun together :)

tsukihi: should talk to kaiki because kaiki would be totally defeated by her. tsukihi brings misfortune to everyone and he knows this so he'd be really annoyed by having to talk to her. the worst part is she would probably critique his lifestyle and philosophy and not even be wrong about it and hed have no choice but to deal with it. in exchange for not bringing it up he would have to pay her off with snacks and cute clothes. shed prolly also be genuinely pissed at him for messing with karen so he'd have to lose a Lot of money and she'd make him lose a lot on purpose, not as much because she wants the stuff but more because she knows he wants the money. she should talk to suzumiya haruhi theyre both forces of nature theyd have a wonderful time unknowingly making the lives of everyone around them 1000x more annoying. they'd like feed off each other it'd be great. they've got like equally low attention spans so theyd go pursuing a new really ambitious project like every week and have a fun time with it. theyre mutually very bored i think they'd get along.

karen: karen should talk to kagenui and do a training montage with her. they'd do a training montage that's what they'd do. karen would adopt kagenui as her mentor after like 3 seconds. im not sure who to have her talk to from outside mono. maybe someone she can mentor instead of her being the mentee. actually i think itd be hilarious if she tried to mentor bocchi. like specifically in like martial arts and physical fitness. and bocchi would be like yes i can get stronger and then all the girls will love me so shes up for it but karen would be just so bad at teaching that it wouldnt amount to anything. but she wouldnt know how bad she is at it and would just keep trying to push through... bless her heart

yotsugi: should talk to senjougahara bc they are both monotone and acerbic it'd be a monotone-and-acerbic-off. who will win. (senjougahara would bring up yotsugi's old catchphrase and win bc yotsugi would die of cringe). i'd like her to talk to iruma because iruma is so sweet and yotsugi would probably be a little rude but also a little nice to him. and then she would make him do stuff for her every now and then bc he cant say no lol. she'd probably use him to pamper herself tbh

sodachi: itd be interesting if she ever talked to shinobu bc she'd be like wow you attached yourself eternally to THAT guy? lame and then she'd like openly mock her. shinobu would probably haughty about it like who cares about the words of a mere human (she does). i think itd be cute if she talked to anya for similar reasons that i think kanbaru should talk to her, only amplified bc anya can literally mind read all her self deprecation and try to cheer her up without letting her know she can read her mind in the way anya tends to. itd be very cute. sodachi would have a lot of fun spoiling her and being like a cool big sister figure. very sweet 😌

shinobu: shes not really interested in talking to people outside of koyomi so im not sure for this one. oops

ougi: i want ougi to talk to meme. the uncle dynamic would be amazing. all the better since ougi seems to dislike being compared to him. theyre both slippery vague people who tend to talk in confusing ways and i think they would have philosophical discussions that would go NOWHERE because neither of them gets to the point. i think ougi would try to critique his ideology and meme would just rebuff the criticism. and then he could bust out the uncley affection (but only in a slightly ironic/indirect way bc hes a tsundere) and itd be very cute (although i think ougi would absolutely hate it lmao). as for outside of the series i have many thoughts about these. like how i think araragi should talk to dirk i think ougi should talk to hal. they would understand each other and also them being together for any period of time upwards of 1 minute would make everyone in the vicinity have an instant migraine. and they could definitely talk philosophy together too! i also think ougi could talk to oreki houtarou from hyouka bc hes got that whole detective mystery solving thing going on and ougi would absolutely love to ask him to solve some mystery and be his watson. and of course theyd also try to lead him around into some dark path which he'd be wary of but might still fall for despite what happened with irisu. another fool for ougi to mess with. but that might be a dynamic too similar to araragis so i also also think ougi could talk to chitanda. ougi could probably pull out some kinda repression from chitanda but chitanda is just so genuine that she would handle it very well and it wouldnt turn into any kind of disaster as ougi would hope it to. really i think they could just bond over their love of mysteries. ougi needs a fellow mystery lover to talk to. (although oreki might also be a fan of mysteries too, partly in novels and stuff and partly irl, i think chitandas bright and loud enthusiasm about it could let her and ougi geek out together and itd be fun 😄)

[medacarpyl]

I dont know if this has been asked before but what are your favorite vns?

*cackling evily* Anon, you just gave me an opportunity to proselytize. This is going under a cut. Also, please do keep in mind: I've been playing visual novels for close to two decades now, you're getting a handful of favorite VNs with justifications as to why they're some of my favorites lol

So, to start: SubaHibi is one of my favorite VNs ever. If you couldn't tell this by looking at my profile, I don't know what to tell you. I could wax poetic about it for ages, but long story short, I loved the writing style and how well it managed to set the tone and mood, and set the tension, and manage to keep that tension up (or dispell it, as the scene needed). It's one of the few VNs that's made me cry at multiple points throughout the VN. There's only a few

I'm also just a denpa fan in general? So I really loved Sayonara o Oshiete as well. I like stories that deal a lot with the cycle of abuse and trauma, and I think much like SubaHibi, it managed to set a good tone and tension. The visual art for it is absolutely stunning, even two decades later, and it has an almost timeless quality to the beauty. Also, the music was amazing. Don't get me wrong, I think the ending could have been better, but I disagree heavily with the people who think it brought SayoOshi down completely. I personally saw it coming from a mile away, and while I find the "omg protag was insane ALL ALONG" trope to be tiring as both a system and a delusion-haver, I think if there's enough foreshadowing and justification in canon, it can be pulled off at least semi-decently, and that is my cross to bear. I think SayoOshi pulled it off!

Hatoful Boyfriend and Holiday Star are two of the best visual novels I have ever played. No spoilers, because I feel the first game works better if you don't know the twist, but please play Hatoful Boyfriend, including the True route. This is not irony, or joking, or exaggeration, not even a little bit. Please, god, just play it.

I played Saya No Uta when I was far too young to be playing it, somewhere around middle school. I shouldn't have been playing it then, however, it heavily shaped my tastes in VNs. It does a wonderful job at giving an absolutely unsettling atmosphere, and it's absolutely grotesque yet deeply gorgeous, especially in some of the descriptions. The OST remains one of my favorites, as well. It isn't quite denpa, but it absolutely helped introduce me to denpa as a genre. Also, I played it pretty soon after a traumatic car accident, which probably didn't hurt.

I played Sweet Pool for the first time around the same time I played Saya No Uta, and a lot of what I said about Saya No Uta applies to Sweet Pool as well. VLG is still one of my favorite VN songs ever lol

Look, man, I know I shouldn't have gotten deeply into guro in middle school, but... My first visual novel I played with intent to play a visual novel was Absolute Obedience at around age 10, which is how I learned to change locale, download an untranslated visual novel, download a patch, and troubleshoot the game itself, because my parents were divorcing and I had a complicated relationship with gender and didn't know what to do about it other than look at boys kissing. At a certain point, you should just expect that I would get into edgier VNs, y'know? Anyways, this was a tangent, but despite being aggressively mid, I do have a soft spot for Absolute Obedience. I wouldn't recommend playing it, but... I guess it does remain one of my favorites?

Last, but not least, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. It was my gateway into visual novels, and the first game I ever played without needing a walkthrough. It still remains one of the best satires of the justice system, and even after two decades, I think it still holds up quite well! Regardless of what VNDB says, I believe it is a visual novel, even if it doesn't fit their narrow definitions of what counts. I mean, come on, they have HOMESTUCK listed as a visual novel, why do they need a disclaimer for Phoenix Wright? Anyways, side tangent over!

Looking through this, I'm starting to suspect my favorite visual novels say something about me as a person. I'm going to choose to ignore that!

[macklives]

session 97 end

alright it was short in pages but it was kinda eventful in info dumping and plot relevancy

mostly bc i didnt understand wtf was going on but knew it had to be important somehow

legit the terms used??? IM LOST

so basically CA wants to couple up with both vriska and kanaya??? thats what im getting from this?? but kanaya and CA were also giving each other advice on how to get a “moirail” while CA was also asking each other to be “austsicifiingng” that word which will bloom to “kissmsmsmemmss” that one along with vriska who idek if shes aware of their plans

i mean CA is kinda pushy and i dont like them....but the last line made me realize that damn ur right, this is kinda how 13 year old romance used to be (idk about now tbh but it was like that in the past als idk about u but i REALLY liked that line delivery too)...anyways, nobody knew what they were doing in middle school. romance was a weird concept and u were just trying things out for the first time. claiming someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend without knowing what to do or how things worked out, bc you only saw it as the necessary thing so you experimented with relationships. especially since you were only coming to terms with your identity, what you liked and discovering yourself for the first time. so i can kinda give CA a break for that...... people can always change and go “well the way i acted was bad so i will try my best to get better when it comes to romance” which ill understand and respect if it were to happen. now that doesnt mean things wont end up going south and they never get better. always depends on the type of character and how hard they wish to improve after being called out on the matter. we just have to wait and see how it develops and how they grow as a character. however we havent rlly met CA yet, this is simply the first conversation. i still dont understand troll romance and i obviously wont give a final verdict on their character just yet, but i feel its something i might want to look into/analyse in the future when we have more information given to us about both topics. 

alright with that thing over with, now for the big one

KANAYA MIGHT BE A WLW AGSHDJKLAHSJK IM FUCKING THRILLED HOLY SHIT IDEK WHAT TO FUCKING SAY EXCEPT SCREAM SILENTLY IN MY HEAD GAHJKDGALSDHF

“CRUSH” SHE HAS A CRUSH ON VRISKA

IDK WHAT MOIRAIL MEANS I RLLY DONT BUT IT IS A ROMANCE AND IT WAS STATED AS A ROMANCE AND CA AND KARKAT BOTH KNOW KANAYA HAS A CRUSH BUT SHES LIKE KINDA IN DENIAL ABOUT IT IG BUT THEY DID BRING IT UP WHICH MEANS ITLL MAYBE BE EXPLORED LATER?? I FUCKING HOPE OH GOD I GENUINLY RLLY HOPE ITS EXPLORED OR KANAYA GETS A GIRLFRIEND AND ITS NOT COMPLICATED OR RUINED OR FUCKED UP BC THATLL BE SO FUCKING GREAT!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay....OKAY!!!!!

damn this means a lot for someone who is a lesbian herself and didnt even know homestuck had gays to start with lol so i am EXCITED. well gay stuff besides subtext or jokes during the comic... but they rlly fucking called this one out and actually blatantly said “kanaya has a girl crush” so i have LARGE EXPECTATIONS NOW. so they best not make this also into a joke, ruin it for the representation bc i swear to fucking god andrew hussie ill be coming for your ass if you so make this into either something stereotypical or worse, dont even expand on it after this conversation.. man i want it to be done right or so help me

and yes thats a threat and a promise

and with that i sleeeeeep.................that was a good session thank u guys :)

[powerbottomeminem]

33 (kiss in a dream) with Dave Strider?

33. Kiss in a dream (Eminem x Dave Strider from Homestuck)

TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous TG: sending men in space for savin us TG: see which playa's more couragerous TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust TG: wait TG: uh TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he

A blonde boy is standing in front of him, big shades sitting on his nose and in the background a thumping beat spins out of a pair of turntables. A name spins with the beat: Dave Strider.

Slim Shady scrunches his nose, that is a terrible end to a freestyle. Don't ever admit you fucked up a reference. Better yet, don't fuck up a reference. "Yo bitch, what half-baked, half-assed shit is this?"

"And you're the police on half-baked, half-assed shit?", Dave asks back.

"I'm the police on shitty freestyles", Shady sneers. "Let me show you how it's done." Out of thin air he grabs a microphone, the beat changes to a slow synth and the cracking of a police scanner.

MM: there's a joker on the loose from the psychiatric ward MM: his face is up on the bulletin board with a reward MM: he'll stab you with a sword, don't be fooled by his charm MM: he's probably armed with intent to do bodily harm MM: ring the alarm, look for a man with green hair MM: check at your girl's house, he was last seen there MM: he has a mean stare but usually cracks jokes MM: good luck on your mission and guard your backs, folks

On the last word he winks at Dave triumphantly. Good flow, good rhymes and most important of all no mess up. Shady was rather pleased with his performance if he say so himself.

But Dave only shrugs weakly. "That's all you got?"

"Of course not!", Shady huffs, "I got tons more, you'll see!" What was this guys problem, eh? Shady grinds his teeth, he hears them scrape against each other in his jaw. "Fucking punk."

MM: I'm on a solo mission to find him personally MM: to settle the score and to beat him unmercifully MM: for what he first did to me, it's sure to be the last MM: followin' footprints with a magnifyin' glass MM: to drag his lyin' ass back to his padded cell MM: I'm mad as hell, on the trail of this tattle tail MM: I heard a yell, the voice sounded familiar MM: "give me your girlfriend or I'm gonna kill ya!"

"C'mon, you don't have a girlfriend", Dave blurts out disbelieving, a smug smirk on his face for a brief moment. Behind the sunglasses it was obvious he eyes Shady up and down with all the judgement in the world.

"I do", Shady scoffs, arms crossed in front of his chest. "She's pretty hot, too."

A click of the tongue. "You would say that, wouldn't you."

"It's true, bitch!" At least on the outside Kim was pretty and hot.

"If you need a girlfriend so bad, you can be mine", Dave offers casually. "A guy like me helps the people in need, you know."

Shady frowns. "I ain't in need, I have a girlfriend."

"Sure", still not believing.

"What's in it for me?", Shady asks. He'll always have Kim, but it won't hurt to look around a little.

Another smug smile on Dave's face. "Where you think coolness comes from?", he asks provokingly. The fly of his jeans opens on its own and a massive cock boings out.

Explains a lot, Shady thinks but bites his lips to not say it out loud. "You got some balls, man", he says instead.

"It's a blessing and a curse really", Dave says in the most casual tone, a flick of the wrist to emphasize the casualness of it all.

Shady can't keep his eyes from the massive cock sticking out from Dave's jeans. That's one hell of an argument. "Aight, fine, I'm in."

"That's gonna be my line", Dave smirks.

Shady rolls his eyes.

"C'mere", Dave winks him over, "We gotta seal it with a kiss or it don't count."

It's only a few steps he needs to take, a nervous swirl in his stomach. Shady hasn't had a cock that massive yet but he's delighted to try soon.

When he's close - closer than he needs to be - Shady leans into the kiss, Dave let's it happen and kisses just enough back to show he knows what he's doing. A hand grabs Shady's ass.

"This is gonna be fun."

………

A white ceiling looked down on him, Marshall blinked confused. What in the … Next to him he heard soft snoring, his boyfriend. "Oh man", he sighed and dragged his hands over his face with sleepy exhaustion. He should stop looking at Nicolas's reading history before bed. Never nothing good came out of that.

He rammed his elbow into Nicolas's side as a sort of punishment and nestled against the warm back again. Hopefully his next dream wouldn’t be as weird.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.

[awkwardtaco056]

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids. 

 During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide. 

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine  shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

 I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me. 

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified.  I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me. 

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim. 

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

[lyraeon]

Hey Lyra...i've got a weird question, how did you figure you you where poly?

god it’s been so long I’m not sure I could really pinpoint it anymore

Also this got REALLY long so short version first:

-got introduced to concept by fanfiction -had always had a hard time getting over old crushes even years later -never got jealous about partner talking to other people -never felt like crushing on others was using up any of my love for my partner -I JUST LOVE EVERYONE OK

And the long version which gets really personal at times:

I do know I kept hearing phrases like, “if you really loved them you wouldn’t feel anything for anyone else”

but thing is that every one of my relationships, I’d already fallen in love with the next person I wound up with before the previous relationship broke up. even if things were fine, even if I still definitely loved them. my first two major relationships, there was a good 10 months where I was already in love with the second guy but still very much in love with the first. I consciously avoided the second guy because I didn’t want to cheat, I even blocked him for a while when he hinted he liked me. I’m *still* friends with the first guy, and it’s literally 17 years later at this stage, and I would argue I still have some degree of feelings for him and it’s only a lack of familiarity between us stopping me from calling it love. I only left him for the second guy because some stuff got messed up in our lives that meant we barely interacted for a few months and I decided that since the second guy had time for me and he didn’t, I should leave one for the other.

I was like 16 or 17 at that point.

Note that I also was having a lot of emotions for other people at this point too, that I later realized were crushes but was blind to that fact at that point because lmao I thought I was straight still hahahaha crap.

when I was about 19, I got really hard into Naruto fanfic. I mean like I probably was before that, but man. And I discovered the fanart and fanfic of someone named Askerian (who I’ve crossed paths with numerous times in other fandoms since then and shes’s still amazing).

A lot of what she wrote was polyshipping.

Mostly Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura OT3 stuff. and just like. This concept of everyone all together? for me, who’d always hated the love triangle dynamic (partially cuz she tended to pick the results canon didn’t, but still) and whose entire life is one big Found Family storyline and who still knew she was vaguely in love with her ex and kind of in love with her best friend and like, was starting to worry maybe she didn’t actually understand what love was and maybe I didn’t actually love anyone like maybe that’s what was going on there because normal people were so fiercely jealous of their partners and so on?

Yeah, polyshipping fic felt like the most wonderful fantasy. It was just. absolutely glorious to see.

I realized I was pansexual around that point too. Broke the news to my boyfriend (who I was, by then, engaged to). He was basically oh cool we can talk about how hot chicks are together then, haha.

Like six months later I was very, very aware I had a huge crush on a girl from an RP group I was in. absolutely smitten. I explained the situation to my boyfriend. “hey, listen, since I’ve realized I’m bi I kind of want to try being with a girl. we’re engaged, I promise I’m not going anywhere, but I think I might be polyamorous, like, I think my brain wants me to be with both a guy and a girl if that makes sense? can I try?”

Gross oversimplification, I know. it was like 2007, those were the livejournal days, I didn’t know nonbinary people existed, I was confused as to what any of my emotions were, I’m not even sure I knew the word polyamorous at that point, it was a mess.

He said no. He tried to get me to stop talking to the girl altogether. We stopped talking out of character and only kept RPing.

like six months later he told me if I was still thinking about it then yes. I asked her out immediately. she was a few years older than me and ran in circles that had polycules so it was nbd to her. She dated me gladly, said she’d been trying to figure out if she was bi anyway.

(spoiler alert, she wasn’t, and that’s ultimately why we broke up the second time. the first time was because my boyfriend got mad after a few months that I hadn’t ‘gotten it out of my system yet’ and that the relationship was actually emotional, not just sexual, so I left her to be with just him, which later lead to a super messy breakup and then to me trying to make things work with her again).

...complicated.

to this day I’m a mess of emotions. Hilariously, homestuck’s helped me sort some of it out. Because a long time ago, when explaining to my now-partner of 9 years that I knew I was still in love with my best friend even though he’s gay and we weren’t ever gonna be together, I tried to explain that everyone I hold hands with, I feel it in a different place in my soul. So while he felt warm and wide and like a hug around my shoulders, and his hand feels safe and secure, my old bestie feels light and airy in my chest and his hand feels like breathing in menthol, or like lightning. two different kinds of love. 

my understandings of things now tell me that I was pale as fuck for my bestie more than anything, but even now the lines aren’t always clear. I’m demiromantic (and/or quiromantic, who the hell knows) so I don’t crush from a distance. Instead I wind up in bonds with people anyway, and they’ll do something one day and I’ll go oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck not them too whyyyyyyyyy and spend a month frantically ignoring it and in a lot of cases it’ll fade away quickly because it’ll have just been my heart going “I trust this person” and taking a bit to figure out where they belonged. a smaller percentage though, I’m stuck. the emotion’s there. it might be red or pale or even in some cases pitch but it’s still tumbling around in my brain and I’m attached and I don’t want to let people out of my life again.

I only have the one partner right now, my hubby. I have two, maybe three “moirails”, people I’m very bonded to but it’s nothing sexual or physical. and I’ve had just plain best friends so I know it’s a different feeling. But there are people I’ve only not asked out because I respect my hubby’s wishes to be exclusive. Some I’ve even pushed away because there was too much spark there and I didn’t trust myself to not hit a point where I just had to try and talk him into it. I don’t want to push him out of his comfort zone; I love him too much, and it’s not worth risking my one sure thing when most people out there wouldn’t be accepting of a polyamorous situation anyway. In other words, is it possible I’d be happier with more than one partner? and hell, I lowkey think my hubby might be happier that way too because I can be a bit much for him so it might be better for him to have my attention split over mulitiple people. but I respect him too much and love him too much to want to risk our current pretty good, sure thing happiness for a less certain potentially better happiness, especially cuz “losing him” is a potential outcome and that’s nooooot one I’m okay with.

...which got kind of ranty and personal but Y’KNOW

It’s the long version lol.

[mszegedy]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2020: Days 1-10

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I learned about it a few days into April and intended to start doing it but I forgot, I guess, or maybe decided against it. But I wanna do it now, so here’s the first ten days really quick.

April 1: Introduce yourself. Talk about who you are as a person.

This is kind of a hard question for me. I think my younger sister (by 3¾ years) would say this, if she just made a new friend the same age as her and she asked about me:

“Well, she goes to college, but she’s graduating this semester. She does something with proteins, but honestly she should really be a linguist. I actually really hate discussing linguistics with her, because she gets so annoying and overbearing about it. I don’t understand why she’s doing whatever she is. She’s a pretty weird person. She has all sorts of problems with, like, depression and amnesia and stuff. Oh, but, she’s trans, so, like, that’s a thing, yeah. I don’t like talking about most things with her because she thinks she’s always right. And also, she’s kind of mean to our mom. I don’t know why she does that. But at the same time she’s, like, really sensitive, and will be offended by the stupidest things. Okay, this is making it sound like I don’t like her, but I do, okay? She’s my sister, of course I love her. We’ve bonded a lot. She’s moving to DC in October, so we’ll be able to hang out during the school year, and that’ll be really fun. I think I’m just a little fed up with her right now from having to live with her for a whole month.“

April 2: Post your red instead selfie today! Alternatively, you could talk about why you choose to go redinstead and what it means to you.

I don’t know what “redinstead” is. I googled it and it sounds like you wear differently-themed stuff from what’s recommended by Autism Speaks, to dunk on them. Like a lot of people, I’m stuck inside this April, so there’s no point in me wearing pride clothing, because nobody will see it. But I do disapprove of Autism Speaks, because they don’t treat autistic people like people, and they try to spread that ideology. If you trick them into thinking you’re a person first, they won’t change their mind; instead, they’ll say you’re not autistic. People defend them by recounting the problems that nonverbal autistic people face, as though nonverbal autistic people have an inherently worse neurotype than everyone else, and not just one that’s more difficult to accomodate for society, and as though that justifies the abuses levied against them by Autism Speaks. I could go into details, but I won’t, because it would be emotionally draining for me as a writer, and you as a reader.

Suffice to say, I love being autistic. It has inspired a lot of people to treat me very badly, and probably led to a degree of abuse and neglect in my childhood that resulted in dissociative identity disorder. But all of my autistic traits are things that I love about myself. I like how emotionally expressive my stims make me. I like how I’ve learned to dissect a lot of social stuff and I can explain it. I like how I can just dispense with all of that social stuff around autistic people. Hell, I think it gives the neurotypical people I hang out with some relief, too, when I’m straightforward and explicit all the time. I like how good I am at linguistics, and how I can use it as a way to relate to the world.

April 3: Talk about special interests. Do you have any? What are they? How long have you had them? What does it feel like to have special interests? What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your past special interests

My special interests are unusually slow burns. I’ve had linguistics-related special interests for the past ten years. They’re peripherally useful for language learning, but mostly I’ve just accumulated academic knowledge. They’ve, however, also led me to reconnect with my Ugric heritage culture, which is very important to me. (It wouldn’t be important to me if language weren’t my primary way of relating to the world; paradox?)

I have a wide variety of other interests, but few of them are really “special”. As a kid, my special interest was marine life. Unfortunately, I haven’t retained much of that, although I do have the privilege of having a diver’s license, which I’ll use again someday when I pass better naked. I also briefly had a special interest in… building computers, or something. I didn’t have the money to make anything particularly powerful (not that I had anything at the time to use computational power for), but I did run some workshops for middle-schoolers.

I think maybe my interest as a kid in Homestuck was special? It ran pretty deep, anyway. It’s hard to say, when you can’t remember most of your life.

April 4: Do you consider your autism to be an important part of your identity?

Because we have DID (or something like it), we don’t have an identity in the traditional sense. We do have a system identity, but that’s built around our mutual goals and guidelines. However, we’d be very sad to lose our autistic traits. Also, it might mess with the standard of consistency we’ve established for ourselves; we might not be able to predict our future actions, because losing our autistic traits may interfere with our ability to follow the aforementioned goals and guidelines, which are what help keep us focused and consistent.

April 5: Talk about your living situation. Do you live with your parents? Do you live on your own? Have roommates? Etc. If you live on your own how hard was it to get used to?

Right now, I’m quarantining with my mom, my sister, and my brother (who is actually my sister’s boyfriend), at my mom’s house. The mess that’s accumulating in the house is slowly causing my mom more and more stress, I think. I’ve never really lived on my own. For a lot of college, I lived with roommates or housemates, but I don’t think I was very good at that. Also, my mom lived nearby, and I stayed at her place on the weekends. The closest I’ve come to living on my own is watching my mom’s house for up to a few weeks at a time, and that wasn’t sustainable. (To be fair, what kind of house has a lawn? When I get a house with a lawn in the future, I will make sure that it’s a wild lawn that I don’t have to mow.)

The third to last time that I house-sitted for my mom, I ended up getting hospitalized for self-harm. It took her a while to let me do it again after that. Although, not a very long while, I guess. That was at the end of last September.

April 6: Are you able to drive? If you can, was it hard for you to learn? If not, what alternatives do you use, if any

I’m not able to drive. Driving is scary and difficult for me. I went through the motions of learning it in high school, but my track was interrupted by a move across state lines (I lived in the US at the time), and I never recovered. I’ve failed the NJ written driver’s exam, which grants you a one-year permit with restrictions, a total of roughly ten times. I’ve never been this bad at a subject; it’s like I have the opposite of a special interest in driving. A special lack-of-interest. My brain won’t retain any information about NJ driving laws whatsoever. It doesn’t help that I had a traumatic car crash when I was very young.

So far, I’ve just gotten my mom and coworkers to drive me places, or taken Ubers or trains. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that if I leave NJ, I’ll probably have to get a driver’s license. Although, I’ve already got a carpool set up at my next job in October.

April 7: Talk about autism in the media. Do you think that autism is typically portayed well? Badly? Is there anything you’d like to see more of when it comes to autistic representation? Who are your favorite autistic characters? Do you have any headcanons?

The media that I consume doesn’t really have autistic characters, so I can’t comment on how autistic people are portrayed, except that I’d like us to be portrayed more, period. I’ve only really seen us in teen dramas. To be fair, one of my favorite webcomics, El Goonish Shive, is a teen drama, and has a great autistic character (Susan). I’d say I identify with her, but not really. It’s very hard for me to identify with people, fictional or nonfictional, because my neurotype is greatly influenced by autism, DID, chronic depression, and gender dysphoria, and you don’t see combinations of traits in media that come even close to that.

Speaking of another teen drama, I wish I were half as cool as Matilda from Everything’s Gonna Be Okay. I guess that makes her my favorite canon autistic character, but that’s pretty easy, because I don’t know any other ones. I can’t say that I wanna hug her, because she doesn’t like that, but her general substitute for hugs is dancing, and I can’t dance. I guess I’d learn how, to show my appreciation for her.

Archer from Archer is probably autistic. I like him a lot.

April 8: What are some misconceptions/stereotypes about autism that you hate?

“Hating” is not something I can really do, even when it’s recommended to do it. I haven’t been open about my autism, so I haven’t been exposed to too many misconceptions or stereotypes about it firsthand, anyway. I guess if I had to pick, it would be whatever made my dad call me autistic as an insult and use a bunch of ableist slurs at me a whole lot. I don’t know how he understands autism, however. He doesn’t seem to realize that he has it himself. (It’s not usually one’s place to diagnose other people like that, but one of the most degrading things that my mom says to me very often is that I’m exactly like my father. He even has some traits that I don’t, like touch-aversion and samefoods.)

April 9: How sensitive are you when it comes to touch? Are you pro hug or anti hug?

I’m hyposensitive. I’m really losing it here under this quarantine. I had a girlfriend who always made me feel so respected whenever she responded to my touch-based needs, by squeezing me, hugging me, or otherwise cuddling me very tight, but then she broke up with me because of my mental health issues, and because her parents hated me and her friends were made very uncomfortable by me.

April 10: Do you have trouble understanding when someone is being sarcastic or joking?

It depends. I think I’m as good at it as I’ll ever be, and my false negative rate is under 0.5 (and my false positive rate is very low, but not 0). But I don’t think the same thing goes on in my head as in neurotypical people’s heads when I determine something to be a joke. I almost explicitly do a Bayesian calculation; “Based on what I know about this person and this context, how well can I imagine them meaning this statement unironically in this context? How well can I imagine them meaning this statement ironically in this context?” It’s pretty automatic now, but sometimes it doesn’t work very well, when I’m not so familiar with the person and/or the context, and occasionally the intended interpretation of the statement.

[golgoterror]

JAKE BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Allow me to preface this by saying a few things:

First and foremost, school hates me. I have a huge quantum mechanics test this week and the exam next week, not to mention a big atmospheric physics assignment due this week as well. So, I will be doing that between bits of crying over the man, the myth, the legend, Joke England.

Second and secmost, I know I don’t post a lot ooc here. Well, ok, I don’t post a lot on here anyway due to the aforementioned school situation, but most of my posts are ic. This is a special occasional, so I’m showing you all a bit of myself, the pseudo-man, the pseudo-myth, the pseudo-legend, Pi. 

I’m writing this at 17:49 November 30th. I’m cheating a bit. I should be programming right now. Fuck it, Jake of English too important.

By golly gosh, proper grammar! I know. Again, special occasion.

I haven’t even written this and it’s going to be long as fuck. You’ve been warned.

Jake means. The fucking world to me. No, actually, the whole fucking universe. When I read Homestuck a little over a year ago for the second time (I read it when I was about 13 or 14 when it was really big but dropped it when I was about 16 (I’m 21 now)), I was in a bad place. My relationship was tanking, my family had just basically disowned me, I was coming out as trans, school was kicking my ass, my depression was real bad... Basically, everything kinda sucked. And I felt really alone. So, I decided to live a little and, even though I was about to head into exams, I decided to revisit Homestuck, having been reminded of it via a YouTube video.

At first, I just found it entertaining. I liked John. Rufioh, too. But none of the characters really stuck out to me, y’know? I didn’t dislike them per se, but I didn’t love them either. And then... And then Jake Pistol happened.

GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it!  (x)

These lines. These three lines... Not to be dramatic, but I read that and IMMEDIATELY felt the urge to die for this man. And just, everything. The way he talked especially. Now, see, I tend to use antiquated and what some may describe as quaint modes of speech, which naturally made me gravitate towards the guy, but aside from that, he was so dip dang silly. I love me some silly boys. And he’s so dorky. I just fell head over heels for him instantly. And, as it kept going, I wanted to RP him. Even when he pulled that shit on Jane’s birthday, which probably says quite a lot about me and my caliber, but oh well.

Not to mention, the way he dresses. I love bowties. I have a huge collection of them and I wear one damn near everyday. And being jammed into a love-triangle is something I can relate to rather well. (Hope that’s not tootin my own horn or anything! Because it sucks shit.) I guess I just saw myself in the guy a lot. Which I think is natural -- latching on to characters who you see yourself in. 

But, above all, I guess that just showed that I’m not as weird as I always felt I was. Even if he’s not real, he is a rather well-liked character who dressed and talked in a similar fashion (haha get it?) to me. And that just helped reassure me that I don’t stick out like a sore thumb as much as I feel I do! Which I’m ever thankful for.

So, and this may come as a complete and utter shocker to most of you, so you may want to sit down for this: I made a Jake English RP blog. [The audience gasps in pure, unadulterated astonishment!] And I was super duper nervous. I thought my Jake would be just terrible and no one would want to write with me. I kept telling myself, if this ship doesn’t sail, I’ll make a John. Which seems silly now! I can’t believe how well this blog took off! 352 followers and counting, not to mention countless RP groups I’ve gotten myself into on ye ol Discord and how many RPs I’ve got going on on this here blog and a few other social medias. I still can’t believe how much has happened! How many people have said they like my portrayal! It’s all so much and makes me rather emotional (also not a shocker to anyone who knows me OOC). 

But, above all, I met my lovely boyfriend. My old relationship ended shortly after I made this blog. Turns out, love was waiting for me just around the corner. And I couldn’t be happier. 

Several cosplays, RPs, and new friends later, I’m still writing this nerd. And I couldn’t have asked for anything more. So, thank you! Thank you for interacting with my blog and making me happy! And thank you to the man, the myth, the -- aw shit, I already used this saying -- Lake English! Jake Irish! Jake Spanish! Jacques l’Anglais! Jake Aнглийский! Oh, you know who.

Happy birthday, you lovable oaf! Wish your grandmother-daughter a happy one from me as well.

[emsartwork]

ask dump! Separated loosely by topic 

Questions and Comments

1. is this a homestuck thing. this is a homestuck thing isnt it  2. lol i love doing both!!! i love world building but i also like trying my hand at redesigning the mess that is canon fashion. @theoretical-artist​ 3. thank you!!! oritel and marion are in this post! 4. ayyyyy inginio hit me up (thank you lol) 5. Thank you! 6. maybe? i’ll see if i get around to it, i still have a few characters to get to so the school fairies and the last two selkies might show up with them 7. probably not.... it would be super fun but unless it was a commission i don’t feel like i have time haha 8. I’ve seen their blog around!! i can’t remember if i follow or not but i know who ur talking about and they cool @winxy-writing @winxys-written-world

Character and Worlbuilding

1. My brilliant nerd daughter!!! She sometimes gets so into coding or a video game she forgets to eat or drink so the girls watch out for her. She’s prone to dissociating, especially if the situation is emotional. Her hair is really soft. she actually loves sappy romantic things but has trouble accepting them or vocalizing that she wants them because they’re impractical/illogical. she discovered romcoms when she got to alfea and they are her ultimate guilty pleasure(only flora knows abt this and is always slipping recs to her) 2. They’re weirdly one of my fav couples??? like maybe its because i relate to and have projected onto both of them lmao. but any ways. Daphne and Thoren actually met when they were kids, but didn’t spend much time together because it was at a formal event. Daphne is technically 20 years older than Thoren(only a few years older than Sky), but they’re the same physical age because Daphne spent so long as a spirit. They probably wouldn’t get married as quickly in my version, especially with Daphne’s trauma. Daphne will have nightmares sometimes and Thoren has a whole routine for comforting her and helping her feel safe and grounded. Thoren gets anxious easily, and Daphne will use her magic to subtly change the environment so he feels more comfortable. they like to watch reality tv together and yell at dramatic people. 3. omg yes. this was the most frustrating thing i was watching through winx with my dad like a month ago and every time bloom called her adoptive parents by their first names i yelled at her lol. she would call Vanessa mama and Mike daddy(if you make a kink joke i will eat your liver). She would call Marion and Oritel mom and dad.  4. Yeah kind of! part of her exhaustion in Dowlland was the fact that she had been in fairy mode for so long, hiking underground, and tossed around in a river like??? anybody would need a pick me up after that. She (and all solarians) do have to live where there’s a lot of natural light as they require a high amount of vitamin d(or the equivalent of it for solarians). short trips usually aren’t a problem, Stella is just hella unlucky in the second season lmao. @moonpeachblossom 5. the short answer as to why she’s a blond (scottish??? in one of the dubs???) in an asian inspired culture/planet is because racism (or not so short bcus its a lot to unpack honestly). the answer in my version however is a pretty simple fix. She bleaches her hair. she’s paler than musa but she aint white.  6. I haven’t really yet!! Helia is struggling with his two fairly opposed cultural influences, trying to figure what he wants and whats right for him. He was raised on Lynphea but had frequent trips to Vaonaa. Lynphea is very grounded, they’re slow and steady and stubborn. Vaonaa is much more flexible, they’re flighty and spontaneous and easily adaptable. Helia’s dads love eachother and helia very much but they are VERY different people and both want different things from Helia(they try not to pressure too much but the expectations are still there). Helia’s Vaonaaj dad wants him to pursue magic, specifically wind or air magic. Helia’s Lynphean dad wants him to become a warrior. Helia feels like he’s kind of a misfit in both Vaonaaj and Lynphean culture. It took a while, but he did finally confide his feelings in Flora and she encouraged him to talk with his dads about finding his niche.  7. oooooooh fun fun relationshipsssss Bloom and Sky: so bloom and sky aren’t the most stable couple, and in my version it would take bloom a little longer to be ok with dating a prince. Bloom is fairly insecure in her relationships because of self worth issues, and tend to run away from problems instead of dealing with them. Sky on the other hand is confident but doesn’t really know how to handle people’s feelings and tends to push confrontation. I do believe that with better writing Sky and bloom could be a dope couple but as is in canon they’re VERY problematic.  Stella and Brandon: babies. they love each other so much its the best omg. Stella finds her worth in her appearance but she always seems to take brandon’s complements in a less.... arrogant way? if that makes sense? like she truly appreciates them and wants his support. i wish we knew more about Brandon but he’s legit such a good boyfriend. I think they fight mostly when Stella is being a little selfish, or when Brandon is too busy to meet her emotional needs. Flora and Helia: MORE BABIES. so Helia is more of a drama queen in the comics but we’ll ignore that for right now lol. Flora and Helia are probably the least problematic couple in the entire show. They met. Flirted a little. Confessed. and started dating with out any major problems. if i can remember correctly they don’t even really fight??? unless icy has frozen helia’s heart or something lol. I think both Helia and Flora’s love language is quality time so they’re fairly low key and just like to be in the same space and each other.   Musa and Riven: boy oh boy. Ok so, ignoring the several times Riven was LITERALLY MIND CONTROLLED his character is still difficult to deal with. I think Musa and Riven are both very intense people, and while that can be super fun and develop into a good relationship, it can also lead to LOTS of problems. I think my major problem with how they broke up was that Musa didn’t support Riven’s training? like i understand being upset you can’t see ur person often, or if they’re really busy, but Riven supported Musa’s music several times in the previous seasons it just seemed weird Musa was so unfairly demanding of him? Tecna and Timmy: nerd babies. They’re super cute honestly. I think Timmy was probably the one to instigate the relationship and bonded with Tecna over technology since she wasn’t super emotionally available at first. They have issues when Tecna is unable to voice her emotions and timmy needs to know what she’s feeling mostly, but after the first few times they’ve both learned to give the other space to figure their stuff out. Aisha and Nabu: ugh perfect couple. minus the kind of sketchy beginning lol. Aisha and Nabu generally don’t fight once they get used to each other. Nabu is a focal point that aisha is kind of bungee corded to if that makes sense? like obvi not in a restricting way. its just Aisha is hella active and needs her own space to explore and grow, but Nabu is her solid ground that she relies on.  Aisha and Nex: i actually don’t hate nex as much as the rest of the fandom lol. so like i said Aisha is an active, independent woman, and if Nabu was a separate, stationary, focal point for her, I think Nex is related, moving, counter point. So like Nex can actually keep up with Aisha, and push her and challenge her. Which isn’t a bad thing in relationships so long as a mutual respect is there.   8. well. canon is a little..... messy. My version of the girls definitely retain their individualism. for other differences... they’re just a little more fleshed out? i guess? like Bloom’s moody behavior in the show i think is because of her insecurity issues, so that plays a part in how i draw her and think of her.  9. ok wow this is gonna be tough well here we go Sky: I think sky is an ESTJ he’s not super emotional(inf Fe) but can lean toward controlling(dom Te). he seems to like tradition and think social promises are important(Si). Brandon: ESFJ. Brandon is the mom friend of the boys ok. He goes along with sky’s crazy plans, tries to subtly set Riven up with musa(season 1 i think?), some how managed to land a social butterfly like Stella and seems to just navigate social situations REALLY easily(dom Fe). he also seems to hate being disrespected or taken for granted(Si) stella does this occasionally.  Timmy: ISFJ???? thats the vibe i get hear me out ok so in season 2 Timmy gets tecna the exact computer part she needs because 1. He knows they both like things to be practical(Si) 2. He knows and remembered the part she was talking about and filed it away in his brain(Ti) and 3. He and Tecna bonded over tech (Fe) Riven: honestly he’s a tough one.... Maybe a really stunted and angry ISFJ? (speaking from personal experience i am an ISFJ) i don’t have a real reason why but riven’s behavior is really confusing in the show so it makes typing tough..... possibly INTJ as well....... Helia: ISFP. Lmao I might be basing this entirely off of stereotypes but helia has a strong pacifist belief and can be moody(Fi, and more in the comics lol) is attuned to his surroundings(Se) seems pretty focused??(Ni) and i can’t think of his Te showing up be it is an inferior  Nabu: ISTJ weirdly a good fit with Aisha(ESTP) tho?? even though he’s an Si dom, he doesn’t go along with the arranged marriage because its not what he believes(Fi) and he’s stubborn about it(Te). Roy: ENFJ honestly just a cutie. He’s personable(Fe), focused for the most part(Ni), and is comfortable in his environment(Se).  Nex: ENTP? maybe?? He’s pretty impulsive and has that “work around” mentality I associate with ENTPs.... idk this one doesn’t seem to fit super well...  Thoren: Maybe INFJ?? i mean thoren honestly doesn’t have a lot of screen time but he’s attentive(Ni), and tries to take care of people(Fe). most of the infj’s i know are fun but weird lol, but i think thoren has anxiety so that could play into him being less “out there” in his behavior.  if any of yall have input on this feel free to let me know. 10. ooooooh good question. So I’m basing these on their parent’s name and the names of people from their planet. Bloom: Hestia or Enya, i also think she got sent to earth with an article of clothing or a blanket that had her name on it, which is why her name is the same lmao Stella: Stella is actually named pretty appropriately considering the other names we have are Luna, Radius, Nova, Chimera, and Casandra, all of those are fairly latin/roman based names.  but she could also be called Clara, Aura, Venus etc. Musa: Her mom and dad have very asian sounding names but the princess of melody is named Galatea, so honestly anything is on the table. Aulos, Hee-Young, Jia Li, Kaida, etc. Tecna: lol everybody on Zenith has ridiculous names so im just loosely basing them off of sciencey stuff. Nobelia, Xenon, Titania. Aisha: I actually really like Aisha’s name! Ayize, Sizani, Mehrbano would work tho. Flora: what even is the naming system of Lynphea i don’t understand it. Im gonna make them vaguely naturey and European-ish?? Calla, Terra, Rowan, Willow, I could go on and on there are so many plant names. 11. Hmmm yeah, so basically in my world a person with TOO MUCH magic gets overwhelmed and kinda goes a little crazy(the ancestral witches) the same thing happens with tritannus when he gets the emperor's throne power. He’s loyal to icy and she to him until he looses his ability to think clearly and turns on icy, icy gets freaked out and leaves with her sisters when they swoop in to rescue her. they don’t so much “break up” as they are “broken up” by the circumstances. In general Tritannus does really like Icy, hes attracted to her ambition and powerful personality. Icy started out just manipulating Tritannus but caught feelings oops 12. Yeah so, humans in general can withstand a lot of wild magic as their body “metabolizes” it quickly. Kalshara(the cat lady you don’t know the name of) used extremely concentrated samples, combined with other spells to keep the wild magic in her body permanently. If a human with out a properly developed magic biome (a lot of earthians only have a low functioning one) get exposed to a wild magic source they would probably gain some aspects of fairy animals, probably not like, fur, or anything but eye and hair color changes, maybe some patterns on the skin. but there’s also the chance that they would just.... die..... cus that happens with animals too lmao sry. @weirdghostly

[moonfireflight]

“sweet and pure asks”

I was tagged by @flowersofsakura

Original one made by @bwabies

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

Yes!

💌- diary or journal?

I sometimes journal on another site but it’s all private. 

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

Before the Homestuck epilogues I would have said Jane Crocker but fuck that. Uuuhhh I haven’t really found a character that makes me go “it’s me!” I probably shouldn’t say Toko Fukawa huh? 

💕- are you crushing on someone?

No one 3D. 

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

Kissing in the rain. 

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

Oh I’ll edit and do this later on mobile. If I forget it’s autumn stuff, cats, and books. 

(Leaving that because it was amusing)

📚😻👀🐉🌿🍁🍂🍃🌠🍵🍯

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

My first kiss with my guy. We had been crushing on each other for 2 years and not realizing it was mutual. 

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

Night Sky Petunias. 

💖- have you ever been in love?

Yes!

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

Strawberry!

🍯- describe your favorite smell

Rainy evenings here in the desert with a hint of sage or pine on the wind. 

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Enough money to take care of my friends who are in abusive situations. A magical car that can never break down. -mumble mumble Saeyoung mumble-

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

Cookies. I like the cronch. 

☕- coffee or tea?

Tea. I love tea so much. My cabinet is a deathtrap of tea boxes. 

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

Forest. My therapy calm place is a forest with faeries. 

🍂- what’s your middle name?

Beth

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

Sun : Gemini, Moon : Leo, Rising sign : Sagittarius 

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

Curl up in bed with tea and my phone, listening to rain on the skylight. 

🍭- how tall are you?

5′6″ 

💒- which show would you want to live in?

Uuuh huurr I can’t think of a good one but some show’s world where I can learn magic and there’s monsters. Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Lol. God, I don’t watch much TV.  Maybe FMA because I’m also moderately obsessed with alchemy. 

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

Halloween, no doubt. 

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

I had some kind of musky vanilla thing with a hint of spice that I loved. Also I have one with a wooden wick and it smells like a campfire 

🎶- favorite song right now?

Hmm I’ve been wanting to finally check out all the hype on Kpop and Spotify gave me “Gotta Go” by CHUNG HA and it’s so damn good??? 

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

Being kind to animals (especially if my pets instantly love/trust you). Making me laugh. Food and/or headpats. 

🍩- current mood?

Glad my weekend started. 

❄️- what is your favorite season?

Autumn! I feel so much more alive then and the air feels like it crackles with magic. 

💍- your current relationship status?

Taken. I’ve been with my guy for 15 years. 

📷- a photo of yourself

Nope. Just imagine I’m a chunky curvy girl with dyed red hair and glasses kinda like Saeyoung’s (same shape/color but more of a tortoise shell pattern than stripes). 

🎀- any question you want

I like cake more than pie. 

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

That would be so nice. 

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

Obsessively checking social media for no real reason. I guess I don’t want to miss out on nice art and randomness. As soon as I get home I ditch my shoes and change to PJ pants. I have some minor OCD issues like picking at chin hairs. 

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

An anxious bean, creative-minded, pretty smart. 

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

A normal person, and a lot softer than I am. Literal “don’t say that in front of her virgin ears” jokes have been made about me as an adult. Helpful. Smarter than I really am because I’m good at researching, though I will admit that is a valid skill. 

🌈- things I find attractive in girls /guys

Sense of humor, intelligence, somewhat philosophical, glasses, nice hands. 

🍓- one secret about yourself

I mean, writing smut is my “big secret”. How about... I believe in magic and spirits and such and have spent a lot of time in my life studying topics like this. 

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

Blushing and giddy. Everything makes me blush even when I’m not crushing so I’m a freaking disaster. I do have some minor tsundere tendencies when crushing, mostly out of defense to cover the embarrassed dolt mode. 

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

He was taking me for granted and hurting my self esteem, and I found out that my crush of two years was crushing back. 

💬- what your last text message says?

"Condensed princesses xD”  (wow, lucked into a really weird one there, huh?)

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

Just finished BNHA. Gave up on “You” (I thought it was going to be good yandere content but I hate everyone in it). Gotta finish either RWBY or Voltron with @turbopuppy (CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED ON THIS MEME). Kinda half watching The Dragon Prince. So, technically, nothing. 

⛅- what is your morning routine?

Stay in bed until the last possible second. Feed my cat and give her insulin. Dress and brush hair and grab a Belvita breakfast cookie on the way out the door. I recently decided to try out bangs so now I have to wrangle those bastards into cooperation somewhere in there. 

💗- who do you miss?

The friend who got made my guy and I realized our mutual affection. She did an awesome job of meddling. She moved away and we drifted apart. 

���- last time you cried?

Sometime last week when writing fanfic or reading it  - I don’t remember which. Saeyoung feels happened. 

🎁- when is your birthday?

Early June (soon!!!). 

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

My boyfriend and I were driving back home from a vacation and decided to take a shortcut through a place called “Devil’s Pass” at night because we are idiots, apparently. It passed by a few ghost towns, but was mostly a forested road. We both saw some very odd things, like a skinned bunny with a round mouth of sawblade-like teeth, and humanoid shapes. Not cool. Also about a decade ago I had a coworker find out my friend and I believed in ghosts and such. He was renovating a building to become a B&B and had a feeling the place was haunted. We went together and picked up recordings of voices with our phones, and felt some really odd stuff there. I found this one patch of normal looking flat ground that made me feel like I was being sucked into a bottomless pit. The guy who bought the place pulled up some old info and it turned out there was a well buried in that spot.  

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

No preference. 

I don’t like tagging people because I have a bad memory and get anxious picking people over others. I love you all. If you do this, tag me :3

[bloodyknuckles]

the fool.

here’s another homestuck fic boyz.

also this is not proofread aha

still looking for proofreaders hmu if u r interested in being one im desperate

read here on ao3!

[read under cut]

upright. innocence. new beginnings. free spirit.

You’re tangled up with your boyfriend, the blanket over you two makes you sweat harder, considering how much body heat Dave radiates already. You’d kick the blanket off of you, but you’d probably wake Dave. He’s a light sleep, always has been, according to John. You gently bump your head against his chest, and his hand lightly grazes the back of your back, moving upwards. You grin softly and he nuzzles his head into your hair.

You think that maybe the war had been good for you. It changed you for the better, helped you meet Dave, and helped you strengthen your relationships with all your friends, even helped you make new ones. The one thing you had hated about the war, though, was that Dave had died. That had hurt, physically and emotionally. But your boyfriend is alive, he’s breathing, and there’s color in his cheeks, even if it is only a little. You wished the war hadn’t broken out, though. As much as you hated your home country of Alternia, you didn’t want to watch it fall, much less help in its destruction. You had done both. Sometimes it kept you up at night, made you physically sick to your stomach, but you lived on nevertheless. And you lived on with Dave by your side, thankfully.

Ever so slowly, Dave awakes. His hand glides from your back to your dark freckled cheek and he leaves it there, lazily smiling at you when he barely opens his eyes. He’s cute, and he’s sweet, and that’s why you love him. He wasn’t as much of a sap as you were, but that makes it all the more special when mornings like this happen. It didn’t happen often when you were fighting, because despite the fact that sleep was vital, you didn’t always get it. You think Dave is savoring the moment, you know you are, and you hope he is. He carefully presses a kiss to your forehead and you let your eyes flutter close for a moment, happy to have this peace with him. Dave is shadowed from the front, but you can see the way the light hits his back, the way it makes him look so, so pretty. You want to stay here forever, stay like this, where you two are alone and there’s this sense of eternal peace.

Of course, Dave has to ruin it by fucking rolling over to get ready.

You sigh and close your eyes, the sun finally hitting you squarely in the face, which makes you more than a little upset. You know Dave has errands to run today, and he has things to do with and for his sister, Rose, but you want him to stay here with you. You roll over, shoving your face into your pillow, and tighten the blanket around you, missing his body heat. You hear Dave give a soft chuckle before he pokes you in the back, receiving only a loud grunt from you. This only makes him laugh louder, which makes you smile in spite of yourself. You roll your head to the side where he is and crack an eye open. Dave is grinning like there’s no tomorrow and he has his hands open as if he wants something.

“Come here,” he says, opening his arms. You huff and slowly climb your way out of bed to where he’s crouched and fall into his lap. He lets out a small ‘humph’ before readjusting you in his arms. The surge of heat from him makes you shiver, but you tuck your head into his neck.

“Don’t you have errands to run? Like… places to be?” You say, and while you aren’t the most eloquent in the morning, you hope he gets what you’re saying. You feel his chest shake with laughter.

“Not today,” he says. “Canceled to spend my day with you.”

“You what?” You say, jerking your head from his neck. He kisses you and it takes everything in you not to melt under his touch, under his lips, because god does this feel amazing. Everything about this morning seems amazing, it seems perfect. You don’t care why Dave canceled because at the moment, you are in his arms and he’s kissing you. No matter how hard you try not to get distracted, he always distracts you. You feel him begin to grin in the kiss and so do you, and you end up tucking your head back into his neck. You could live like this forever. There’s this strange euphoric high you’re on, and it feels fantastic.

“I canceled. I wanted to spend the day with you, I feel like we don’t get to spend much time together,” he says, running his hand through your matted hair. Dave tucks his face into your hair and begins to hum. It’s scratchy due to the sleep that is still heavy in his voice, but it doesn’t make you love it any less. Dave begins rocking, and that nearly sends you back to sleep. He seems to notice that and he gently shakes you awake, to which you easily protest by groaning and wrapping your arms around his waist. Dave easily lifts you up with him, sliding his hands under your thighs to keep you steady against him.

“Where are we going?” You whine into his neck. He laughs and kisses your temple.

“To the kitchen, so I can make us some breakfast,” Dave says. Breakfast. With Dave. That sounds good. Like, really good. You haven’t had breakfast with Dave in a long time, and your excited to do it once again. You can cook dishes, mostly dishes for four or bigger, since your father always had at least one friend over, or your brother had his boyfriend over, and you also had lots of family and had to help out with the cooking on the holidays you celebrated, but Dave knew how to cook in smaller sized portions. You, of course, could learn how to do so, but watching Dave cook was almost intoxicating. While you loved making big meals, Dave loved making the small ones. He had told you once that in everything he cooked, he put apart of himself into. That might have been about his paintings though. Holidays were your time to shine, but you had definitely enlisted the help of Dave more than once.

When you get to the kitchen, Dave sits you on the kitchen counter instead of in a chair like he should. He leans into your legs and presses a kiss to your lips before pulling away and pulling out the ingredients he needs to cook. His hand lights in an easy pretty, orange fire, and he sets it to the wood of the stove. He begins to hum again, and you tap your fingers against the table.

“Do you think that we’ll be like this? Like, forever, I mean,” Dave asks, interrupting his humming. You tilt your head towards him, a troubled look on your face.

“I mean, I would hope so,” you say. Dave gives you a small smile when he looks up, and your features soften. He looks a little weary like he was almost nervous for your response. He probably was, too. There’s no reason he shouldn’t have been worried.

“Yeah, we’ll have to deal with like… death and all that, but hopefully not for a long time,” you say. Dave lets out a cackle.

“I kind of already broke the death thing,” he says. You wheeze out a laugh and smile, he’s not wrong. These are the mornings the missed, the ones you wished you had more of. Dave gets back to cooking, and you watch him with a smile.

Of course, the war had been catastrophic, but it brought out some of the best things in your life. And one of them just happened to be Dave Strider.